Agnes Gray..........................................................................................................................................................1

Anne Bronte .............................................................................................................................................1

CHAPTER I. THE PARSONAGE..........................................................................................................1

CHAPTER II. FIRST LESSONS IN THE ART OF INSTRUCTION ....................................................7

CHAPTER III. A FEW MORE LESSONS...........................................................................................11

CHAPTER IV. THE GRANDMAMMA ...............................................................................................18

CHAPTER V. THE UNCLE.................................................................................................................22

CHAPTER VI. THE PARSONAGE AGAIN.......................................................................................26

CHAPTER VII. HORTON LODGE ......................................................................................................29

CHAPTER VIII. THE "COMINGOUT" .............................................................................................37

CHAPTER IX. THE BALL ...................................................................................................................39

CHAPTER X. THE CHURCH ..............................................................................................................41

CHAPTER XI. THE COTTAGERS ......................................................................................................44

CHAPTER XII. THE SHOWER...........................................................................................................52

CHAPTER XIII. THE PRIMROSES....................................................................................................54

CHAPTER XIV. THE RECTOR ...........................................................................................................58

CHAPTER XV. THE WALK ................................................................................................................65

CHAPTER XVI. THE SUBSTITUTION ..............................................................................................70

CHAPTER XVII. CONFESSIONS .......................................................................................................72

CHAPTER XVIII. MIRTH AND MOURNING ...................................................................................77

CHAPTER XIX. THE LETTER ............................................................................................................83

CHAPTER XX. THE FAREWELL......................................................................................................84

CHAPTER XXI. THE SCHOOL..........................................................................................................87

CHAPTER XXII. THE VISIT ...............................................................................................................90

CHAPTER XXIII. THE PARK.............................................................................................................95

CHAPTER XXIV. THE SANDS..........................................................................................................97

CHAPTER XXV. CONCLUSION ......................................................................................................100

ALL TRUE histories contain instruction; though, in some, the treasure may be hard to find, and when found,

so trivial in quantity that the dry, shrivelled kernel scarcely compensates for the trouble of cracking the nut.

Whether this be the case with my history or not, I am hardly competent to judge; I sometimes think it might

prove useful to some, and entertaining to others, but the world may judge for itself: shielded by my own

obscurity, and by the lapse of years, and a few fictitious names, I do not fear to venture, and will candidly lay

My father was a clergyman of the north of England, who was deservedly respected by all who knew him,

and, in his younger days, lived pretty comfortably on the joint income of a small incumbency, and a snug

little property of his own. My mother, who married him against the wishes of her friends, was a squire's

daughter, and a woman of spirit. In vain it was represented to her that, if she became the poor parson's wife,

she must relinquish her carriage and her lady'smaid, and all the luxuries and elegances of affluence, which

to her were little less than the necessaries of life. A carriage and a lady'smaid were great conveniences; but,

thank Heaven, she had feet to carry her, and hands to minister to her own necessities. An elegant house and

spacious grounds were not to be despised, but she would rather live in a cottage with Richard Grey, than in a

Finding arguments of no avail, her father, at length, told the lovers they might marry if they pleased, but, in

so doing, his daughter would forfeit every fraction of her fortune. He expected this would cool the ardour of

both; but he was mistaken. My father knew too well my mother's superior worth, not to be sensible that she

was a valuable fortune in herself; and if she would but consent to embellish his humble hearth, he should be

happy to take her on any terms; while she, on her part, would rather labour with her own hands than be

divided from the man she loved, whose happiness it would be her joy to make, and who was already one with

her in heart and soul. So her fortune went to swell the purse of a wiser sister, who had married a rich nabob,

and she, to the wonder and compassionate regret of all who knew her, went to bury herself in the homely

village parsonage among the hills of _. And yet, in spite of all this, and in spite of my mother's high spirit,

and my father's whims, I believe you might search all England through, and fail to find a happier couple.

Of six children, my sister Mary and myself were the only two that survived the perils of infancy and early

childhood. I, being the younger by five or six years, was always regarded as the child, and the pet of the

family-father, mother, and sister, all combined to spoil me-not by foolish indulgence to render me fractious

and ungovernable, but by ceaseless kindness to make me too helpless and dependent-too unfit for buffeting

Mary and I were brought up in the strictest seclusion. My mother, being at once highly accomplished, well

informed, and fond of employment, took the whole charge of our education on herself, with the exception of

Latin-which my father undertook to teach us-so that we never even went to school; and, as there was no

society in the neighborhood, our only intercourse with the world consisted in a stately teaparty, now and

then, with the principal farmers and tradespeople of the vicinity, just to avoid being stigmatized as too proud

to consort with our neighbors, and an annual visit to our paternal grandfather's, where himself, our kind

grandmamma, a maiden aunt, and two or three elderly ladies and gentlemen were the only persons we ever

saw. Sometimes our mother would amuse us with stories and anecdotes of her younger days, which, while

they entertained us amazingly, frequently awoke-in me, at least-a vague and secret wish to see a little more of

I thought she must have been very happy; but she never seemed to regret past times. My father, however,

whose temper was neither tranquil nor cheerful by nature, often unduly vexed himself with thinking of the

sacrifices his dear wife had made for him, and troubled his head with revolving endless schemes for the

augmentation of his little fortune, for her sake, and ours. In vain my mother assured him she was quite

satisfied, and if he would but lay by a little for the children, we should all have plenty, both for time present,

and to come: but saving was not my father's forte: he would not run in debt, (at least, my mother took good

care he should not,) but while he had money, he must spend it; he liked to see his house comfortable, and his

wife and daughters well clothed, and well attended; and besides, he was charitably disposed, and liked to give

At length, however, a kind friend suggested to him a means of doubling his private property at one stroke;

and further increasing it, hereafter, to an untold amount. This friend was a merchant, a man of enterprising

spirit, and undoubted talent; who was somewhat straitened in his mercantile pursuits for want of capital, but

generously proposed to give my father a fair share of his profits, if he would only intrust him with what he

could spare, and he thought he might safely promise that whatever sum the latter chose to put into his hands,

it should bring him in cent. per cent. The small patrimony was speedily sold, and the whole of its price was

deposited in the hands of the friendly merchant, who as promptly proceeded to ship his cargo, and prepare for

My father was delighted, so were we all, with our brightening prospects: for the present, it was true, we were

reduced to the narrow income of the curacy; but my father seemed to think there was no necessity for

scrupulously restricting our expenditure to that: so, with a standing bill at Mr Jackson's, another at Smith's,

and a third at Hobson's, we got along even more comfortably than before: though my mother affirmed we had

better keep within bounds, for our prospects of wealth were but precarious after all; and if my father would

only trust everything to her management, he should never feel himself stinted; but he, for once, was

What happy hours Mary and I have past, while sitting at our work by the fire, or wandering on the heathclad

hills, or idling under the weeping birch, (the only considerable tree in the garden,) talking of future happiness

to ourselves, and our parents, of what we would do, and see, and possess; with no firmer foundation, for our

goodly superstructure, than the riches that were expected to flow in upon us from the success of the worthy

merchant's speculations. Our father was nearly as bad as ourselves; only, that he affected not to be so much in

earnest, expressing his bright hopes, and sanguine expectations, in jests and playful sallies, that always struck

me as being exceedingly witty and pleasant. Our mother laughed with delight to see him so hopeful and

happy; but still she feared he was setting his heart too much upon the matter; and once, I heard her whisper as

Disappointed he was; and bitterly too. It came like a thunderclap on us all that the vessel, which contained

our fortune, had been wrecked, and gone to the bottom with all its stores, together with several of the crew,

and the unfortunate merchant himself. I was grieved for him; I was grieved for the overthrow of all our

airbuilt castles; but, with the elasticity of youth, I soon recovered the shock.

Though riches had charms, poverty had no terrors for an inexperienced girl like me. Indeed, to say the truth,

there was something exhilarating in the idea of being driven to straits, and thrown upon our own resources. I

only wished papa, mamma, and Mary were all of the same mind as myself; and then, instead of lamenting

past calamities, we might all cheerfully set to work to remedy them; and the greater the difficulties, the harder

our present privations-the greater should be our cheerfulness to endure the latter, and our vigour to contend

Mary did not lament, but she brooded continually over the misfortune, and sank into a state of dejection from

which no effort of mine, could rouse her. I could not possibly bring her to regard the matter on its bright side

as I did; and indeed I was so fearful of being charged with childish frivolity, or stupid insensibility, that I

carefully kept most of my bright ideas, and cheering notions to myself, well knowing they could not be

My mother thought only of consoling my father, and paying our debts and retrenching our expenditure by

every available means; but my father was completely overwhelmed by the calamity-health, strength, and

spirits sunk beneath the blow; and he never wholly recovered them. In vain my mother strove to cheer him by

appealing to his piety, to his courage, to his affection for herself and us. That very affection was his greatest

torment: it was for our sakes he had so ardently longed to increase his fortune-it was our interest that had lent

such brightness to his hopes, and that imparted such bitterness to his present distress. He now tormented

himself with remorse at having neglected my mother's advice, which would at least, have saved him from the

additional burden of debt-he vainly reproached himself for having brought her from the dignity, the ease, the

luxury of her former station to toil with him through the cares and toils of poverty. It was gall and wormwood

to his soul to see that splendid, highly accomplished woman, once so courted and admired, transformed into

an active managing housewife, with hands and head continually occupied with household labours and

household economy. The very willingness with which she performed these duties, the cheerfulness with

which she bore her reverses, and the kindness which withheld her from imputing the smallest blame to him,

were all perverted by this ingenious selftormentor, into further aggravations of his sufferings. And thus the

mind preyed upon the body, and disordered the system of the nerves, and they in turn, increased the troubles

of the mind, till by action, and reaction, his health was seriously impaired; and not one of us could convince

him that the aspect of our affairs was not half so gloomy, so utterly hopeless as his morbid imagination

The useful pony phaeton was sold, together with the stout wellfed pony-the old favourite that we had fully

determined should end its days in peace, and never pass from our hands; the little coachhouse and stable

were let, the servant boy, and the more efficient, (being the more expensive) of the two maidservants were

dismissed. Our clothes were mended, turned, and darned to the utmost verge of decency; our food, always

plain, was now simplified to an unprecedented degree-except my father's favourite dishes: our coals and

candles were painsfully economised-the pair of candles reduced to one, and that most sparingly used; the

coals carefully husbanded in the half empty grate, especially when my father was out on his parish duties, or

confined to bed through illness-then we sat with our feet on the fender, scraping the perishing embers

together from time to time, and occasionally adding a slight scattering of the dust and fragments of coal, just

to keep them alive. As for our carpets, they in time, were worn threadbare, and patched and darned even to a

greater extent than our garments. To save the expense of a gardener, Mary and I undertook to keep the garden

in order; and all the cooking and household work, that could not easily be managed by one servant girl, was

done by my mother and sister, with a little occasional help from me-only a little, because, though a woman in

my own estimation, I was still a child in theirs; and my mother like most active, managing women, was not

gifted with very active daughters; for this reason-that being so clever and diligent herself, she was never

tempted to trust her affairs to a deputy, but on the contrary, was willing to act and think for others as well as

for number one; and whatever was the business in hand, she was apt to think that no one could do it so well

as herself; so that whenever I offer to assist her, I received such an answer as-"No, love, you cannot

indeed-there's nothing here you can do. Go and help your sister, or get her to take a walk with you-tell her she

must not sit so much, and stay so constantly in the house as she does-she may well look thin and dejected."

"Mary, mama says I'm to help you; or get you to take a walk with me; she says you may well look thin and

"Help me you cannot, Agnes; and I cannot go out with you-I have far too much to do."

"You cannot, indeed, dear child. Go and practise your music, or play with the kitten."

There was always plenty of sewing on hand; but I had not been taught to cut out a single garment; and except

plain hemming and seaming, there was little I could do, even in that line; for they both asserted, that it was

far easier to do the work themselves, than to prepare it for me; and besides they liked better to see me

prosecuting my studies, or amusing myself-it was time enough for me to sit bending over my work, like a

grave matron, when my favorite little pussy was become a steady old cat. Under such circumstances,

although I was not many degrees more useful than the kitten, my idleness was not entirely without excuse.

Through all our troubles, I never but once heard my mother complain of our want of money. As summer was

"What a desirable thing it would be for your papa to spend a few weeks at a wateringplace. I am convinced

the sea air, and the change of scene would be of incalculable service to him. But then you see there's no

We both wished exceedingly that the thing might be done, and lamented greatly that it could not.

"Well, well!" said she, "it's no use complaining. Possibly something might be done to further the project after

all. Mary, you are a beautiful drawer. What do you say to doing a few more pictures, in your best style, and

getting them framed with the watercolour drawings you have already done, and trying to dispose of them to

"Mama, I should be delighted, if you think they could be sold; and for anything worth while."

"It's worth while trying, however, my dear: do you procure the drawings, and I'll endeavour to find a

"You, Agnes! well, who knows? You draw pretty well too; if you choose some simple piece for your subject,

I dare say you will be able to produce something we shall all be proud to exhibit."

"But I have another scheme in my head, mama, and have had long ... only I did not like to mention it."

My mother uttered an exclamation of surprise, laughed. My sister dropped her work in astonishment

"Well! I don't see anything so very extraordinary in it. I do not pretend to be able to instruct great girls; but

surely I could teach little ones ... and I should like it so much ... I am so fond of children. Do let me, mama!"

"But, my love, you have not learnt to take care of yourself yet; and young children require more judgment

"But, mama, I am above eighteen, and quite able to take care of myself, and others too. You do not know half

"Only think," said Mary, "what would you do in a house full of strangers, without me or mama to speak and

act for you ... with a parcel of children, besides yourself, to attend to; and no one to look to for advice? You

"You think, because I always do as you bid me, I have no judgment of my own: but only try me-that is all I

At that moment my father entered, and the subject of our discussion was explained to him.

"What, my little Agnes, a governess!" cried he, and, in spite of his dejection, he laughed at the idea.

"Yes, papa, don't you say anything against it; I should like it so much; and I'm sure I could manage

"But, my darling, we could not spare you." And a tear glistened in his eye as he added-"No, no! afflicted as

"Oh, no!" said my mother. "There is no necessity, whatever, for such a step; it is merely a whim of her own.

So you must hold your tongue, you naughty girl, for though you are so ready to leave us, you know very well,

I was silenced for that day, and for many succeeding ones; but still I did not wholly relinquish my darling

scheme. Mary got her drawing materials, and steadily set to work. I got mine too; but while I drew, I thought

How delightful it would be to be a governess! To go out into the world; to enter upon a new life; to act for

myself; to exercise my unused faculties; to try my unknown powers; to earn my own maintenance, and

something to comfort and help my father, mother, and sister, besides exonerating them from the provision of

my food and clothing; to show papa what his little Agnes could do; to convince mama and Mary that I was

not quite the helpless, thoughtless being they supposed. And then, how charming to be entrusted with the care

and education of children! Whatever others said, I felt I was fully competent to the task: the clear

remembrance of my own thoughts and feelings in early childhood would be a surer guide than the

instructions of the most mature adviser. I had but to turn from my little pupils to myself at their age, and I

should know, at once, how to win their confidence and affections; how to waken the contrition of the erring;

how to embolden the timid, and console the afflicted; how to make Virtue practicable, Instruction desirable,

and Religion lovely and comprehensible. "-Delightful task! To teach the young idea how to shoot!" To train

the tender plants, and watch their buds unfolding day by day! Influenced by so many inducements, I

determined still to persevere; though the fear of displeasing my mother, or distressing my father's feelings

prevented me from resuming the subject for several days. At length, again, I mentioned it to my mother in

private, and, with some difficulty, got her to promise to assist me with her endeavours. My father's reluctant

consent was next obtained, and then, though Mary still sighed her disapproval, my dear, kind mother began to

look for a situation for me. She wrote to my father's relations, and consulted the newspaper

advertisements-her own relations she had long dropped all communication with-a formal interchange of

occasional letters was all she had ever had since her marriage, and she would not, at any time, have applied to

them in a case of this nature. But so long, and so entire had been my parents' seclusion from the world, that

many weeks elapsed before a suitable situation could be procured. At last, to my great joy, it was decreed that

I should take charge of the young family of a certain Mrs Bloomfield, whom my kind, prim Aunt Grey had

known in her youth, and asserted to be a very nice woman. Her husband was a retired tradesman, who had

realised a very comfortable fortune, but could not be prevailed upon to give a greater salary than twentyfive

pounds to the instructress of his children. I, however, was glad to accept this, rather than refuse the

But some weeks more were yet to be devoted to preparation. How long, how tedious those weeks appeared to

me! Yet they were happy ones in the main-full of bright hopes, and ardent expectations. With what peculiar

pleasure I assisted at the making of my new clothes, and, subsequently, the packing of my trunks! But there

was a feeling of bitterness mingling with the latter occupation too-and when it was done, when all was ready

for my departure on the morrow, and the last night at home approached, a sudden anguish seemed to swell

my heart. My dear friends looked so sad, and spoke so very kindly, that I could scarcely keep my eyes from

overflowing; but I still affected to be gay. I had taken my last ramble with Mary on the moors, my last walk

in the garden, and round the house; I had fed, with her, our pet pigeons for the last time-the pretty creatures

that we had tamed to peck their food from our hands. I had given a farewell stroke to all their silky backs as

they crowded in my lap. I had tenderly kissed my own peculiar favourites, the pair of snowwhite fantails; I

had played my last tune on the old familiar piano, and sung my last song to papa; not the last, I hoped, but the

last for, what appeared to me, a very long time; and, perhaps, when I did these things again, it would be with

different feelings; circumstances might be changed, and this house might never be my settled home again.

My dear little friend, the kitten, would certainly be changed; she was already growing a fine cat; and when I

returned, even for a hasty visit at Christmas, would, most likely, have forgotten both her playmate, and her

merry pranks. I had romped with her for the last time; and when I stroked her soft bright fur, while she lay

purring herself to sleep in my lap, it was with a feeling of sadness I could not easily disguise. Then, at

bedtime, when I retired with Mary to our quiet little chamber, where already my drawers were cleared out,

and my share of the bookcase was empty; and where, hereafter, she would have to sleep alone, in dreary

solitude, as she expressed it, my heart sunk more than ever: I felt as if I had been selfish and wrong to persist

in leaving her; and when I knelt once more beside our little bed, I prayed for a blessing on her, and on my

parents more fervently than ever I had done before. To conceal my emotion, I buried my face in my hands,

and they were presently bathed in tears. I perceived, on rising, that she had been crying too; but neither of us

spoke; and in silence we betook ourselves to our repose, creeping more closely together, from the

But the morning brought a renewal of hope and spirits. I was to depart early, that the conveyance which took

me, (a gig, hired from Mr Smith, the draper, grocer, and teadealer of the village) might return the same day.

I rose, washed, dressed, swallowed a hasty breakfast, received the fond embraces of my father, mother, and

sister, kissed the cat, to the great scandal of Sally, the maid, shook hands with her, mounted the gig, drew my

The gig rolled on-I looked back-my dear mother and sister were still standing at the door, looking after me,

and waving their adieux: I returned their salute, and prayed God to bless them from my heart: we descended

"It's a coldish mornin' for you, Miss Agnes," observed Smith; "and a darksome un too; but we's, happen, get

Here ended our colloquy; we crossed the valley, and began to ascend the opposite hill. As we were toiling up,

I looked back again: there was the village spire, and the old grey parsonage beyond it, basking in a slanting

beam of sunshine-it was but a sickly ray, but the village and surrounding hills were all in sombre shade, and I

hailed the wandering beam as a propitious omen to my home. With clasped hands, I fervently implored a

blessing on its inhabitants, and hastily turned away; for I saw the sunshine was departing; and I carefully

avoided another glance, lest I should see it in gloomy shadow like the rest of the landscape.

AS WE drove along, my spirits revived again, and I turned, with pleasure, to the contemplation of the new

life upon which I was entering; but, though it was not far past the middle of September, the heavy clouds, and

strong northeasterly wind combined to render the day extremely cold and dreary, and the journey seemed a

very long one, for, as Smith observed, the roads were "very heavy;" and, certainly, his horse was very heavy

too; it crawled up the hills, and crept down them, and only condescended to shake its sides in a trot, where the

road was at a dead level or a very gentle slope, which was rarely the case in those rugged regions: so that it

was nearly one o'clock before we reached the place of our destination. Yet, after all, when we entered the

lofty iron gateway, when we drove softly up the smooth, wellrolled carriage road, with the green lawn on

each side, studded with young trees, and approached the new, but stately mansion of Wellwood, rising above

its mushroom poplar groves, my heart failed me, and I wished it were a mile or two farther off: for the first

time in my life, I must stand alone-there was no retreating now-I must enter that house, and introduce myself

among its strange inhabitants-but how was it to be done? True, I was near nineteen, but, thanks to my retired

life, and the protecting care of my mother and sister, I well knew, that many a girl of fifteen, or under, was

gifted with a more womanly address, and greater ease and selfpossession, than I was. Yet, if Mrs

Bloomfield were a kind, motherly woman, I might do very well after all; and the children, of course, I should

soon be at ease with them-and Mr Bloomfield, I hoped, I should have but little to do with.

"Be calm, be calm, whatever happens," I said within myself, and truly I kept this resolution so well, and was

so fully occupied in steadying my nerves, and stilling the rebellious flutter of my heart, that when I was

admitted into the hall, and ushered into the presence of Mrs Bloomfield, I almost forgot to answer her polite

salutation; and it afterwards struck me, that the little, I did say, was spoken in the tone of one half dead, or

halfasleep. The lady too was somewhat chilly in her manner, as I discovered when I had time to reflect. She

was a tall, spare, stately woman, with thick black hair, cold grey eyes, and extremely sallow complexion.

With due politeness however, she shewed me my bedroom, and left me there to take a little refreshment. I

was somewhat dismayed at my appearance on looking in the glass ... the cold wind had swelled and reddened

my hands, uncurled and entangled my hair, and dyed my face of a pale purple; add to this my collar was

horribly crumpled, my frock splashed with mud, my feet clad in stout new boots, and as the trunks were not

brought up, there was no remedy: so having smoothed my hair as well as I could, and repeatedly twitched my

obdurate collar, I proceeded to clomp down the two flights of stairs, philosophising as I went, and with some

She led me into the diningroom where the family luncheon had been laid out. Some beefsteaks and half cold

potatoes were set before me; and while I dined upon these, she sat opposite, watching me (as I thought) and

endeavouring to sustain something like a conversation-con sisting chiefly, of a succession of commonplace

remarks, expressed with frigid formality: but this might be more my fault than hers, for I really could not

converse. In fact, my attention was almost wholly absorbed in my dinner; not from ravenous appetite, but

from distress at the toughness of the beefsteaks, and the numbness of my hands, almost palsied by their five

hours' exposure to the bitter wind. I would gladly have eaten the potatoes and let the meat alone, but having

got a large piece of the latter on to my plate, I could not be so impolite as to leave it; so, after many awkward

and unsuccessful attempts to cut it with the knife, or tear it with the fork, or pull it asunder between them,

sensible that the awful lady was a spectator to the whole transaction, I at last desperately grasped the knife

and fork in my fists, like a child of two years old, and fell to work with all the little strength I possessed. But

this needed some apology-with a feeble attempt at a laugh, I said, "My hands are so benumbed with the cold

"I dare say you would find it cold," replied she with a cool, immutable gravity that did not serve to reassure

When the ceremony was concluded, she led me into the sittingroom again, where she rung and sent for the

"You will find them not very far advanced in their attainments," she said, "for I have had so little time to

attend to their education myself, and we have thought them too young for a governess till now; but I think

they are clever children, and very apt to learn, especially the little boy; he is I think, the flower of the flock-a

generous, noblespirited boy, one to be led, but not driven, and remarkable for always speaking the truth. He

seems to scorn deception," (this was good news.) "His sister, Mary Ann will require watching," continued

she, "but she is a very good girl upon the whole: though I wish her to be kept out of the nursery, as much as

possible, as she is now almost six years old, and might acquire bad habits from the nurses. I have ordered her

crib to be placed in your room, and if you will be so kind as to overlook her washing and dressing, and take

charge of her clothes, she need have nothing further to do with the nurserymaid."

I replied I was quite willing to do so; and at that moment, my young pupils entered the apartment with their

two younger sisters. Master Tom Bloomfield was a wellgrown boy of seven, with a somewhat wiry frame,

flaxen hair, blue eyes, small turned up nose, and fair complexion. Mary Ann was a tall girl too, somewhat

dark like her mother, but with a round full face, and a high colour in her cheeks. The second sister was Fanny,

a very pretty little girl; Mrs Bloomfield assured me she was a remarkably gentle child, and required

encouragement: she had not learnt anything yet; but in a few days, she would be four years old, and then she

might take her first lesson in the alphabet, and be promoted to the schoolroom. The remaining one was

Harriet, a little broad, fat, merry, playful thing of scarcely two, that I coveted more than all the rest-but with

I talked to my little pupils as well as I could, and tried to render myself agreeable; but with little success I

fear, for their mother's presence kept me under an unpleasant restraint. They, however, were remarkably free

from shyness. They seemed bold, lively children, and I hoped I should soon be on friendly terms with

them-the little boy especially, of whom I had heard such a favourable character from his mama. In Mary Ann

there was a certain affected simper, and a craving for notice, that I was sorry to observe. But her brother

claimed all my attention to himself: he stood bolt upright between me and the fire, with his hands behind his

back, talking away like an orator, occasionally interrupting his discourse with a sharp reproof to his sisters

"O Tom, what a darling you are!" exclaimed his mother. "Come and kiss dear mama-and then won't you

"I won't kiss you, mama; but I will show Miss Grey my schoolroom, and my new books.'

When the room and books had been shown, with some bickerings between the brother and sister that I did my

utmost to appease or mitigate, Mary Ann brought me her doll, and began to be very loquacious on the subject

of its fine clothes, its bed, its chest of drawers, and other appurtenances; but Tom told her to hold her

clamour, that Miss Grey might see his rockinghorse, which with a most important bustle, he dragged forth,

from its corner, into the middle of the room, loudly calling on me to attend to it. Then, ordering his sister to

hold the reins, he mounted, and made me stand for ten minutes, watching how manfully he used his whip and

spurs. Meantime however, I admired Mary Ann's pretty doll, and all its possessions; and then told Master

Tom he was a capital rider, but I hoped he would not use his whip and spurs so much when he rode a real

"Oh, yes, I will!" said he, laying on with redoubled ardour. "I'll cut into him like smoke! Eeh! my word! but

"Now you must put on your bonnet and shawl," said the little hero, "and I'll show you my garden."

Tom lifted his fist with a menacing gesture; she uttered a loud, shrill scream, ran to the other side of me, and

"Surely, Tom, you would not strike your sister! I hope I shall never see you do that."

"I don't know-it is so very cloudy and cold, it seems likely to rain;-and you know I have had a long drive."

"No matter-you must come; I shall allow of no excuses," replied the consequential little gentleman. And as it

was the first day of our acquaintance, I thought I might as well indulge him. It was too cold for Mary Ann to

venture out, so she stayed with her mama, to the great relief of her brother, who liked to have me all to

The garden was a large one, and tastefully laid out; besides several splendid dahlias, there were some other

fine flowers still in bloom; but my companion would not give me time to examine them: I must go with him,

across the wet grass, to a remote, sequestered corner, the most important place in the grounds-because, it

contained his garden. There were two round beds, stocked with a variety of plants. In one, there was a pretty

"Oh, never mind that!" said he contemptuously. "That's only Mary Ann's garden, look, THIS is mine."

After I had observed every flower, and listened to a disquisition on every plant, I was permitted to depart; but

first, with great pomp, he plucked a polyanthus and presented it to me, as one conferring a prodigious favour.

I observed, on the grass about his garden, certain apparatus of sticks and cord, and asked what they were.

"Different things. Sometimes I give them to the cat; sometimes I cut them in pieces with my penknife; but the

"For two reasons; first, to see how long it will live-and then, to see what it will taste like."

"But don't you know it is extremely wicked to do such things ? Remember, the birds can feel as well as you,

"But you will have to feel it some time, Tom-you have heard where wicked people go to when they die; and

if you don't leave off torturing innocent birds, remember, you will have to go there, and suffer just what you

"Oh; pooh! I shan't. Papa knows how I treat them, and he never blames me for it; he says it's just what he

used to do when he was a boy. Last Summer he gave me a nest full of young sparrows, and he saw me pulling

off their legs and wings, and heads, and never said anything, except that they were nasty things, and I must

not let them soil my trousers; and Uncle Robson was there too, and he laughed, and said I was a fine boy."

"Oh! she doesn't care-she says it's a pity to kill the pretty singing birds, but the naughty sparrows, and mice

and rats, I may do what I like with. So now, Miss Grey, you see it is not wicked."

"I still think it is, Tom; and perhaps your papa and mama would think so too, if they thought much about it.

However," I internally added, "they may say what they please, but I am determined you shall do nothing of

He next took me across the lawn to see his moletraps, and then into the stackyard to see his weaseltraps,

one of which, to his great joy, contained a dead weasel; and then into the stable to see, not the fine carriage

horses, but a little rough colt, which he informed me had been bred on purpose for him, and he was to ride it

I tried to amuse the little fellow, and listened to all his chatter as complacently as I could; for I thought if he

had any affections at all, I would endeavour to win them; and then, in time, I might be able to show him the

error of his ways; but I looked in vain for that generous, noble spirit, his mother talked of; though I could see

he was not without a certain degree of quickness and penetration, when he chose to exert it.

When we reentered the house it was nearly teatime. Master Tom told me that, as papa was from home, he,

and I, and Mary Ann were to have tea with mama, for a treat; for, on such occasions, she always dined at

luncheon time with them, instead of at six o'clock. Soon after tea, Mary Ann went to bed, but Tom favoured

us with his company and conversation till eight. After he was gone, Mrs Bloomfield further enlightened me

on the subject of her children's dispositions and acquirements, and on what they were to learn, and how they

were to be managed, and cautioned me to mention their defects to no one but herself. My mother had warned

me before to mention them as little as possible to her, for people did not like to be told of their children's

faults, and so I concluded I was to keep silence on them altogether. About halfpast nine, Mrs Bloomfield

invited me to partake of a frugal supper of cold meat and bread. I was glad when that was over, and she took

her bedroom candlestick and retired to rest, for though I wished to be pleased with her, her company was

extremely irksome to me; and I could not help feeling that she was cold, grave, and forbidding-the very

I ROSE next morning with a feeling of hopeful exhilaration, in spite of the disappointments already

experienced; but I found the dressing of Mary Ann was no light matter, as her abundant hair was to be

smeared with pomade, plaited in three long tails, and tied with bows of ribbon, a task my unaccustomed

fingers found great difficulty in performing. She told me her nurse could do it in half the time, and, by

keeping up a constant fidget of impatience, contrived to render me still longer. When all was done, we went

into the schoolroom, where I met my other pupil, and chatted with the two till it was time to go down to

breakfast. That meal being concluded, and a few civil words having been exchanged with Mrs Bloomfield,

we repaired to the schoolroom again, and commenced the business of the day. I found my pupils very

backward indeed; but Tom, though averse to every species of mental exertion, was not without abilities. Mary

Ann could scarcely read a word, and was so careless and inattentive, that I could hardly get on with her at all.

However, by dint of great labour and patience, I managed to get something done in the course of the morning,

and then accompanied my young charge out into the garden and adjacent grounds, for a little recreation

before dinner. There we got along tolerably together, except that I found they had no notion of going with

me; I must go with them wherever they chose to lead me. I must run, walk, or stand exactly as it suited their

fancy. This, I thought, was reversing the order of things; and I found doubly disagree able, as on this as well

as subsequent occasions, they seemed to prefer the dirtiest places, and the most dismal occupations. But there

was no remedy; either I must follow them, or keep entirely apart from them, and thus appear neglectful of my

charge. Today, they manifested a particular attachment to a well at the bottom of the lawn, where they

persisted in dabbling with sticks and pebbles, for above half an hour. I was in constant fear that their mother

would see them from the window, and blame me for allowing them thus to draggle their clothes, and wet their

feet and hands, instead of taking exercise; but no arguments, commands, or intreaties could draw them away.

If she did not see them some one else did-a gentleman on horseback had entered the gate, and was proceeding

up the road; at the distance of a few paces from us he paused, and calling to the children in a waspish

penetrating tone, bade them "keep out of that water." "Miss Grey," said he, "(I suppose it is Miss Grey) I am

surprised that you should allow them to dirty their clothes, in that manner-Don't you see how Miss

Bloomfield has soiled her frock?-and that Master Bloomfield's socks are quite wet?-and both of them without

gloves! Dear, dear! Let me request that in future, you will keep them decent at least!" so saying he turned

away, and continued his ride up to the house. This was Mr Bloomfield. I was surprised that he should

nominate his children Master and Miss Bloomfield, and still more so, that he should speak so uncivilly to

me-their governess, and a perfect stranger to himself. Presently the bell rang to summon us in. I dined with

the children at one, while he and his lady took their luncheon at the same table. His conduct there did not

greatly raise him in my estimation. He was a man of ordinary stature-rather below than above, and rather thin

than stout, apparently between thirty and forty years of age: he had a large mouth, pale, dingy complexion,

milky blue eyes, and hair the colour of a hempen cord. There was a roast leg of mutton before him: he helped

Mrs Bloomfield, the children, and me, desiring me to cut up the children's meat, then after twisting about the

mutton in various directions, and eyeing it from different points, he pronounced it not fit to be eaten, and

"It is quite overdone. Don't you taste, Mrs Bloomfield, that all the goodness is roasted out of it? And can't you

The beef was set before him, and he began to carve, but with the most rueful expressions of discontent.

"What is the matter with the beef, Mr Bloomfield? I'm sure I thought it was very nice."

"And so it was very nice. A nicer joint could not be; but it is quite spoiled," replied he, dolefully.

"They must have cut it wrong in the kitchen then, for I'm sure I carved it quite properly here, yesterday."

"No doubt they cut it wrong in the kitchen-the savages! Dear-dear! Did ever any one see such a fine piece of

beef so completely ruined? But remember that, in future, when a decent dish leaves this table, they shall not

Notwithstanding the ruinous state of the beef, the gentleman managed to cut himself some delicate slices, part

of which he ate in silence. When he next spoke it was, in a less querulous tone, to ask what there was for

"You don't know?" cried he, looking solemnly up from his plate, and suspending his knife and fork in

"Well, that beats everything! A lady professes to keep house, and doesn't even know that fish is for dinner!

Nothing more was said; and I was very glad to get out of the room with my pupils; for I never felt so ashamed

In the afternoon we applied to lessons again; then went out again; then had tea in the schoolroom; then I

dressed Mary Ann for dessert; and when she and her brother were gone down to the diningroom, I took the

opportunity of beginning a letter to my dear friends at home; but the children came up before I had half

At seven, I had to put Mary Ann to bed; then I played with Tom till eight, when he too went; and I finished

my letter, and unpacked my clothes, which I had hitherto found no opportunity for doing, and, finally, went

My task of instruction and surveillance, instead of becoming easier as my charges and I got better

accustomed to each other, became more arduous as their characters unfolded. The name of governess, I soon

found, was a mere mockery as applied to me; my pupils had no more notion of obedience than a wild,

unbroken colt. The habitual fear of their father's peevish temper, and the dread of the punishments he was

wont to inflict when irritated, kept them generally within bounds in his immediate presence. The girls, too,

had some fear of their mother's anger; and the boy might occasionally be bribed to do as she bid him by the

hope of reward: but I had no rewards to offer, and as for punishments, I was given to understand, the parents

reserved that privilege to themselves; and yet they expected me to keep my pupils in order. Other children

might be guided by the fear of anger, and the desire of approbation; but neither the one nor the other had any

Master Tom, not content with refusing to be ruled, must needs set up as a ruler, and manifested a

determination to keep, not only his sisters, but his governess in order, by violent manual and pedal

applications; and, as he was a tall, strong boy of his years, this occasioned no trifling inconvenience. A few

sound boxes in the ear, on such occasions, might have settled the matter easily enough: but as, in that case, he

might make up some story to his mother, which she would be sure to believe, as she had such unshaken faith

in his veracity-though I had already discovered it to be by no means unimpeachable, I determined to refrain

from striking him even in selfdefence; and, in his most violent moods, my only resource was to throw him

To the difficulty of preventing him from doing what he ought not, was added that of forcing him to do what

he ought. Often he would positively refuse to learn, or to repeat his lessons, or even to look at his book. Here

again, a good birch rod might have been serviceable; but, as my powers were so limited, I must make the best

use of what I had. As there were no settled hours for study and play, I resolved to give my pupils a certain

task, which, with moderate attention, they could perform in a short time; and till this was done, however

weary I was, or however perverse they might be, nothing short of parental interference should induce me to

suffer them to leave the schoolroom; even if I should sit with my chair against the door to keep them in.

Patience, Firmness, and Perseverance were my only weapons; and these I resolved to use to the utmost.

I determined always strictly to fulfil the threats and promises I made; and to that end, I must be cautious to

threaten and promise nothing that I could not perform. Then, I would carefully refrain from all useless

irritability and indulgence of my own ill temper: when they behaved tolerably, I would be as kind and

obliging as it was in my power to be, in order to make the widest possible distinction between good and bad

conduct; I would reason with them too in the simplest and most effective manner. When I reproved them, or

refused to gratify their wishes, after a glaring fault, it should be more in sorrow than in anger: their little

hymns and prayers I would make plain and clear to their understanding; when they said their prayers at night,

and asked pardon for their offences, I would remind them of the sins of the past day, solemnly, but in perfect

kindness, to avoid raising a spirit of opposition; penitential hymns should be said by the naughty; cheerful

ones by the comparatively good; and every kind of instruction, I would convey to them, as much as possible,

by entertaining discourse-apparently with no other object than their present amusement in view.

By these means I hoped, in time, both to benefit the children, and to gain the approbation of their parents;

and, also, to convince my friends at home that I was not so wanting in skill and prudence as they supposed. I

knew the difficulties I had to contend with were great; but I knew, (at least, I believed,) unremitting patience

and perseverance could overcome them, and night and morning I implored Divine assistance to this end. But

either the children were so incorrigible, the parents so unreasonable, or myself so mistaken in my views, or so

unable to carry them out, that my best intentions and most strenuous efforts seemed productive of no better

result, than sport to the children, dissatisfaction to their parents, and torment to myself.

The task of instruction was as arduous for the body as the mind. I had to run after my pupils, to catch them, to

carry, or drag them to the table, and often forcibly to hold them there, till the lesson was done. Tom, I

frequently put into a corner, seating myself before him in a chair, with the book which contained the little

task that must be said, or read, before he was released in my hand. He was not strong enough to push both me

and the chair away; so he would stand twisting his body and face into the most grotesque and singular

contortions-laughable, no doubt, to an unconcerned spectator, but not to me and uttering loud yells and

doleful outcries, intended to represent weeping, but wholly without the accompaniment of tears. I knew this

was done solely for the purpose of annoying me; and, therefore, however I might inwardly tremble with

impatience and irritation, I manfully strove to suppress all visible signs of molestation, and affected to sit,

with calm indifference, waiting till it should please him to cease this pastime, and prepare for a run in the

garden, by casting his eye on the book, and reading or repeating the few words he was required to say.

Sometimes he would determine to do his writing badly; and I had to hold his hand to prevent him from

purposely blotting or disfiguring the paper. Frequently, I threatened that, if he did not do better, he should

have another line: then, he would stubbornly refuse to write this line; and I, to save my word, had finally to

resort to the expedient of holding his fingers upon the pen, and forcibly drawing his hand up and down till, in

Yet Tom was by no means the most unmanageable of my pupils: sometimes, to my great joy, he would have

the sense to see that his wisest policy was to finish his tasks, and go out and amuse himself till I and his

sisters came to join him, which, frequently, was not at all, for Mary Ann seldom followed his example in this

particular. She apparently preferred rolling on the floor to any other amusement. Down she would drop like a

leaden weight; and when I, with great difficulty, had succeeded in rooting her thence, I had still to hold her up

with one arm, while, with the other, I held the book from which she was to read or spell her lesson. As the

dead weight of the big girl of six became too heavy for one arm to bear, I transferred it to the other; or, if both

were weary of the burden, I carried her into a corner, and told her she might come out when she should find

the use of her feet, and stand up; but she generally preferred lying there like a log till dinner or tea time,

when, as I could not deprive her of her meals, she must be liberated, and would come crawling out with a grin

Often she would stubbornly refuse to pronounce some particular word in her lesson; and now I regret the lost

labour I have had in striving to conquer her obstinacy. If I had passed it over as matter of no consequence, it

would have been better for both parties, than vainly striving to overcome it, as I did; but I thought it my

absolute duty to crush this vicious tendency in the bud; and so it was, if I could have done it, and, had my

powers been less limited, I might have enforced obedience; but as it was, it was a trial of strength between

her and me, in which she generally came off victorious; and every victory served to encourage and strengthen

In vain I argued, coaxed, entreated, threatened, scolded; in vain I kept her in from play, or, if obliged to take

her out, refused to play with her, or to speak kindly, or have anything to do with her; in vain I tried to set

before her the advantages of doing as she was bid, and being loved, and kindly treated in consequence, and

the disadvantages of persisting in her absurd perversity. Sometimes, when she asked me to do something for

"Yes, I will, Mary Ann, if you will only say that word. Come! you'd better say it at once, and have no more

With me, at her age, or under, neglect and disgrace were the most dreadful of punishments; but on her they

Sometimes, exasperated to the utmost pitch, I would shake her violently by the shoulders, or pull her long

hair, or put her in the corner,- for which she punished me with loud, shrill, piercing screams, that went

through my head like a knife. She knew I hated this, and when she had shrieked her utmost, would look into

And then shriek again and again, till I was forced to stop my ears. Often these dreadful cries would bring Mrs

"I never heard such a dreadful noise! You might be killing her. Why is she not out with her brother?"

"But Mary Ann must be a good girl, and finish her lessons." This was blandly spoken to the child. "And I

And fixing her cold, stony eyes upon me with a look that could not be mistaken, she would shut the door, and

Sometimes I would try to take the little obstinate creature by surprise, and casually ask her the word while

she was thinking of something else: frequently she would begin to say it, and then suddenly check herself,

with a provoking look that seemed to say, "Ah! I'm too sharp for you; you shan't trick It out of me, either."

On another occasion, I pretended to forget the whole affair; and talked and played with her as usual, till night,

when I put her to bed; then bending over her, while she lay all smiles and good humour, just before departing,

"Now, Mary Ann, just tell me that word before I kiss you goodnight: you are a good girl now, and, of

In vain I expressed my sorrow; in vain I lingered for some symptom of contrition; she really "didn't care,"

and I left her alone, and in darkness, wondering most of all at this last proof of insensate stubbornness. In my

childhood I could not imagine a more afflictive punishment, than for my mother to refuse to kiss me at night:

the very idea was terrible; more than the idea I never felt, for, happily, I never committed a crime that was

deemed worthy of such a penalty; but once, I remember, for some transgression of my sister's, our mother

thought proper to inflict it upon her; what she felt, I cannot tell; but my sympathetic tears and suffering for

Another troublesome trait in Mary Ann, was her incorrigible propensity to keep running into the nursery to

play with her little sisters, and the nurse. This was natural enough, but, as it was against her mother's express

desire, I, of course, forbade her to do so, and did my utmost to keep her with me, but that only increased her

relish for the nursery; and the more I strove to keep her out of it, the oftener she went, and the longer she

stayed; to the great dissatisfaction of Mrs Bloomfield, who, I well knew, would impute all the blame of the

Another of my trials was the dressing in the morning: at one time she would not be washed; at another she

would not be dressed, unless she might wear some particular frock that, I knew, her mother would not like

her to have; at another she would scream, and run away if I attempted to touch her hair. So that, frequently,

when, after much trouble and toil, I had, at length, succeeded in bringing her down, the breakfast was nearly

half over; and black looks from "mama," and testy observations from "papa," spoken at me, if not to me, were

sure to be my meed: for few things irritated the latter so much as want of punctuality at mealtimes.

Then, among the minor annoyances, was my inability to satisfy Mrs Bloomfield with her daughter's dress;

and the child's hair "was never fit to be seen." Sometimes, as a powerful reproach to me, she would perform

the office of tirewoman herself, and then complain bitterly of the trouble it gave her.

When little Fanny came into the schoolroom, I hoped she would be mild and inoffensive at least; but a few

days, if not a few hours, sufficed to destroy the illusion: I found her a mischievous, intractable little creature,

given up to falsehood and deception, young as she was, and alarmingly fond of exercising her two favourite

weapons of offence and defence: that of spitting in the faces of those who incurred her displeasure, and

bellowing like a bull when her unreasonable desires were not gratified. As she, generally, was pretty quiet in

her parents' presence, and they were impressed with the notion of her being a remarkably gentle child, her

falsehoods were readily believed, and her loud uproars led them to suspect harsh and injudicious treatment on

my part; and when, at length, her bad disposition became manifest, even to their prejudiced eyes, I felt that

"What a naughty girl Fanny is getting," Mrs Bloomfield would say to her spouse. "Don't you observe, my

dear, how she is altered since she entered the schoolroom? She will soon be as bad as the other two; and, I

"You may say that," was the answer. "I've been thinking that same myself. I thought when we got them a

governess they'd improve; but, instead of that, they get worse and worse: I don't know how it is with their

learning; but their habits, I know, make no sort of improvement; they get rougher, and dirtier, and more

I knew this was all pointed at me; and these, and all similar innuendoes, affected me far more deeply than any

open accusations would have done; for, against the latter, I should have been roused to speak in my own

defence: now, I judged it my wisest plan to subdue every resentful impulse, suppress every sensitive

shrinking, and go on perseveringly doing my best; for, irksome as my situation was, I earnestly wished to

retain it. I thought, if I could struggle on with unremitting firmness and integrity, the children would, in time,

become more humanized: every month would contribute to make them some little wiser, and, consequently,

more manageable; for a child of nine or ten, as frantic and ungovernable as these at six and seven would be a

I flattered myself I was benefiting my parents and sister by my continuance here; for, small as the salary was,

I still was earning something, and with strict economy, I could easily manage to have something to spare for

them, if they would favour me by taking it. Then, it was by my own will that I had got the place, I had

brought all this tribulation on myself, and I was determined to bear it; nay, more than that, I did not even

regret the step I had taken, and I longed to show my friends that, even now, I was competent to undertake the

charge, and able to acquit myself honourably to the end; and, if ever I felt it degrading to submit so quietly, or

intolerable to toil so constantly, I would turn towards my home, and say within myself-

"They may crush, but they shall not subdue me! "'Tis of thee that I think, not of them."

"For," said Mrs Bloomfield, "I thought, as you had seen your friends so lately, you would not care for a

I left her to think so still; but she little knew how long, how wearisome those fourteen weeks of absence had

been to me, how intensely I had longed for my holidays, how greatly I was disappointed at their curtailment.

Yet she was not to blame in this; I had never told her my feelings, and she could not be expected to divine

them; I had not been with her a full term, and she was justified in not allowing me a full vacation.

I SPARE my readers the account of my delight on coming home, my happiness while there-enjoying a brief

space of rest and liberty in that dear, familiar place, among the loving and the loved, and my sorrow on being

I returned, however, with unabated vigour to my work-a more arduous task than any one can imagine, who

has not felt something like the misery of being charged with the care and direction of a set of mischievous

turbulent rebels, whom his utmost exertions cannot bind to their duty; while, at the same time, he is

responsible for their conduct to a higher power, who exacts from him what cannot be achieved without the

aid of the superior's more potent authority, which, either from indolence, or the fear of becoming unpopular

with the said rebellious gang, the latter refuses to give. I can conceive few situations more harassing than that

wherein, however you may long for success, however you may labour to fulfil your duty, your efforts are

baffled and set at naught by those beneath you, and unjustly censured and misjudged by those above.

I have not enumerated half the vexatious propensities of my pupils, or half the troubles resulting from my

heavy responsibilities, for fear of trespassing too much upon the reader's patience, as, perhaps, I have already

done; but my design, in writing the last few pages, was not to amuse, but to benefit those whom it might

concern: he that has no interest in such matters will doubtless have skipped them over with a cursory glance,

and, perhaps, a malediction against the prolixity of the writer; but if a parent has, therefrom, gathered any

useful hint, or an unfortunate governess received thereby the slightest benefit, I am well rewarded for my

To avoid trouble and confusion, I have taken my pupils one by one, and discussed their various qualities; but

this can give no adequate idea of being worried by the whole three together, when, as was often the case, all

were determined to "be naughty, and to tease Miss Grey, and put her in a passion."

Sometimes, on such occasions, the thought has suddenly occurred to me-"If they could see me now!"

meaning, of course, my friends at home, and the idea of how they would pity me, has made me pity myself-so

greatly that I have had the utmost difficulty to restrain my tears; but I have restrained them, till my little

tormentors were gone to dessert, or cleared off to bed, (my only prospects of deliverance,) and then, in all the

bliss of solitude, I have given myself up to the luxury of an unrestricted burst of weeping. But this was a

weakness I did not often indulge: my employments were too numerous, my leisure moments were too

I particularly remember one wild, snowy afternoon, soon after my return in January-the children had all come

up from dinner, loudly declaring that they meant "to be naughty;" and they had well kept their resolution,

though I had talked myself hoarse, and wearied every muscle in my throat, in the vain attempt to reason them

out of it. I had got Tom pinned up in a corner, whence, I told him, he should not escape till he had done his

appointed task. Meantime, Fanny had possessed herself of my work bag, and was rifling its contents-and

spitting into it besides. I told her to let it alone, but to no purpose, of course.

"Burn it, Fanny!" cried Tom; and this command she hastened to obey. I sprang to snatch it from the fire, and

"Mary Ann, throw her desk out of the window!" cried he, and my precious desk, containing my letters and

papers, my small amount of cash, and all my valuables, was about to be precipitated from the threestory

window. I flew to rescue it. Meanwhile Tom had left the room, and was rushing down the stairs, followed by

Fanny. Having secured my desk, I ran to catch them, and Mary Ann came scampering after. All three escaped

me, and ran out of the house into the garden, where they plunged about in the snow, shouting and screaming

What must I do? If I followed them, I should probably be unable to capture one, and only drive them farther

away; if I did not, how was I to get them in? and what would their parents think of me, if they saw, or heard,

the children rioting, hatless, bonnetless, gloveless, and bootless, in the deep, soft snow?

While I stood in this perplexity, just without the door, trying, by grim looks and angry words, to awe them

into subjection, I heard a voice behind me, in harshly piercing tones exclaiming,

"I can't get them in, sir," said I turning round, and beholding Mr Bloomfield, with his hair on end and his pale

"But I INSIST upon their being got in!" cried he, approaching nearer, and looking perfectly ferocious.

"Then, sir, you must call them yourself if you please, for they won't listen to me," I replied stepping back.

"Come in with you, you filthy brats; or I'll horsewhip you every one!" roared he; and the children instantly

"And it's very strange, that, when you've the care of 'em, you've no better control over 'em than that!-Now,

there they are-gone upstairs with their nasty snowy feet! Do go after 'em and see them made decent, for

That gentleman's mother was then staying in the house; and, as I ascended the stairs, and passed the

drawingroom door, I had the satisfaction of hearing the old lady declaiming aloud to her daughterinlaw to

"Gracious Heavens!-never in all my life-!-get their death as sure as-! Do you think, my dear, she's a proper

The senior Mrs Bloomfield had been very attentive and civil to me; and till now, I had thought her a nice,

kindhearted, chatty old body. She would often come to me and talk in a confidential strain, nodding, and

shaking her head, and gesticulating with hands and eyes, as a certain class of old ladies are wont to do:

though I never knew one that carried the peculiarity to so great an extent: she would even sympathize with

me for the trouble I had with the children, and express at times, by half sentences, interspersed with nods and

knowing winks, her sense of the injudicious conduct of their mama in so restricting my power, and neglecting

to support me with her authority. Such a mode of testifying disapprobation was not much to my taste; and I

generally refused to take it in, or understand anything more than was openly spoken; at least, I never went

farther than an implied acknowledgment that, if matters were otherwise ordered, my task would be a less

difficult one, and I should be better able to guide and instruct my charge; but now I must be doubly cautious.

Hitherto, though I saw the old lady had her defects, (of which one was a proneness to proclaim her

perfections,) I had always been wishful to excuse them, and to give her credit for all the virtues she professed,

and even imagine others yet untold. Kindness, which had been the food of my life through so many years,

had lately been so entirely denied me, that I welcomed with grateful joy the slightest semblance of it. No

wonder then that my heart warmed to the old lady, and always gladdened at her approach, and regretted her

But now, the few words, luckily, or unluckily, heard in passing, had wholly revolutionized my ideas

respecting her; now I looked upon her as hypocritical and insincere, a flatterer, and a spy upon my words and

deeds. Doubtless it would have been my interest still to meet her with the same cheerful smile, and tone of

respectful cordiality as before; but I could not, if I would; my manner altered with my feelings, and became

so cold and shy that she could not fail to notice it. She soon did notice it, and her manner altered too:-the

familiar nod was changed to a stiff bow, the gracious smile gave place to a glare of gorgon ferocity, her

vivacious loquacity was entirely transferred from me to the "darling boys and girls," whom she flattered and

I confess, I was somewhat troubled at this change: I feared the consequences of her displeasure, and even

made some efforts to recover the ground I had lost-and with better apparent success than I could have

anticipated. At one time, I, merely in common civility, asked after her cough-immediately her long visage

relaxed into a smile, and she favoured me with a particular history of that and her other infirmities, followed

by an account of her pious resignation, delivered in the usual emphatic, declamatory style, which no writing

"But there's one remedy for all, my dear, and that's resignation," (a toss of the head) "resignation to the will of

Heaven!" (an uplifting of hands and eyes.) "It has always supported me through all my trials, and always will

do," (a succession of nods.) "But then, it isn't everybody that can say that;" (a shake of the head), "but I'm one

of the pious ones, Miss Grey!" (a very significant nod and toss). "And, thank Heaven, I always was," (another

nod) "and I glory in it!" (an emphatic clasping of the hands and shaking of the head) and with several texts of

scripture, misquoted, or misapplied, and religious exclamations, so redolent of the ludicrous in the style of

delivery, and manner of bringing in, if not in the expressions themselves, that I decline repeating them, she

withdrew, tossing her large head in high goodhumour-with herself at least-and left me hoping that, after all,

At her next visit to Wellwood House, I went so far as to say I was glad to see her looking so well. The effect

of this was magical: the words, intended as a mark of civility, were received as a flattering compliment; her

countenance brightened up, and from that moment she became as gracious and benign as heart could wish-in

outward semblance at least; and from what I now saw of her, and what I heard from the children, I knew that

in order to gain her cordial friendship, I had but to utter a word of flattery at each convenient opportunity; but

this was against my principles; and for lack of this, the capricious old dame soon deprived me of her favour

She could not greatly influence her daughterinlaw against me, because between that lady and herself, there

was a mutual dislike-chiefly shewn by her, in secret detractions and calumniations, by the other, in an excess

of frigid formality in her demeanour; and no fawning flattery of the elder could thaw away the wall of ice

which the younger interposed between them. But with her son the old lady had better success: he would listen

to all she had to say, provided she could sooth his fretful temper, and refrain from irritating him by her own

asperities; and I have reason to believe, that she considerably strengthened his prejudice against me. She

would tell him that I shamefully neglected the children, and even his wife did not attend to them as she ought;

Thus urged, he would frequently give himself the trouble of watching them from the windows during their

play; at times, he would follow them through the grounds, and too often came suddenly upon them while they

were dabbling in the forbidden well, talking to the coachman in the stables, or revelling in the filth of the

farmyard-and I meanwhile, stupidly standing by, having previously exhausted my energy in vain attempts to

get them away; often too he would unexpectedly pop his head into the schoolroom while the young people

were at meals and find them spilling their milk over the table and themselves, plunging their fingers into their

own, or each others' mugs, or quarrelling over their victuals like a set of tiger's cubs. If I were quiet at the

moment, I was conniving at their disorderly conduct; if, (as was frequently the case,) I happened to be

exalting my voice to enforce order, I was using undue violence, and setting the girls a bad example by such

I remember one afternoon in Spring, when, owing to the rain, they could not go out; but, by some amazing

good fortune, they had all finished their lessons, and yet abstained from running down to tease their parents-a

trick that annoyed me greatly, but which, on rainy days, I seldom could prevent their doing; because, below,

they found novelty and amusement-especially when visitors were in the house, and their mother, though she

bid me keep them in the schoolroom, would never chide them for leaving it, or trouble herself to send them

back; but today they appeared satisfied with their present abode, and what is more wonderful still, seemed

disposed to play together without depending on me for amusement, and without quarrelling with each other.

Their occupation was a somewhat puzzling one: they were all squatted together on the floor by the window,

over a heap of broken toys, and a quantity of birds' eggs, or rather eggshells, for the contents had luckily

been abstracted; these shells, they had broken up, and were pounding into small fragments, to what end I

could not imagine; but, so long as they were quiet, and not in positive mischief, I did not care; and, with a

feeling of unusual repose, I sat by the fire, putting the finishing stitches to a frock for Mary Ann's doll;

intending, when that was done, to begin a letter to my mother. But, suddenly, the door opened, and the dingy

But he was of a different opinion. Advancing to the window, and seeing the children's occupation, he testily

"How dare you make such a mess, you little dls? Don't you see what confounded work you're making of

the carpet?" (the carpet was a plain brown drugget.) "Miss Grey, did you know what they were doing?"

"You knew it! and you actually sat there, and permitted them to go on, without a word of reproof!"

"Any harm! Why, look there! Just look at that carpet, and see-was there ever anything like it in a Christian

house before? No wonder your room is not fit for a pigsty-no wonder your pupils are worse than a litter of

pigs!-no wonder-Oh! I declare, it puts me quite past my patience!" and he departed, shutting the door after

"It puts me quite past. my patience too!" muttered I, getting up; and, seizing the poker, I dashed it repeatedly

into the cinders, and stirred them up with unwonted energy; thus easing my irritation, under pretence of

After this, Mr Bloomfield was continually looking in to see if the schoolroom was in order; and, as the

children were continually littering the floor with fragments of toys, sticks, stones, stubble, leaves, and other

rubbish which I could not prevent their bringing, or oblige them to gather up, and which the servants refused

to "clean after them," I had to spend a considerable portion of my valuable leisure moments, on my knees

upon the floor, in painsfully reducing things to order. Once, I told them that they should not taste their supper

till they had picked up everything from the carpet; Fanny might have hers when she had taken up a certain

quantity, Mary Ann when she had gathered twice as much, and Tom was to clear away the rest.

Wonderful to state, the girls did their part; but Tom was in such a fury that he flew upon the table, scattered

the bread and milk about the floor, struck his sisters, kicked the coals out of the coalpan, attempted to

overthrow the table and chairs, and seemed inclined to make a Douglaslarder of the whole contents of the

room; but I seized upon him, and, sending Mary Ann to call her mama, held him in spite of kicks, blows,

And when the matter was explained to her, all she did was to send for the nurserymaid to put the room in

"There now," cried Tom triumphantly, looking up from his viands with his mouth almost too full for speech.

"There now, Miss Grey! you see I have got my supper in spite of you: and I haven't picked up a single thing!"

The only person in the house who had any real sympathy for me was the nurse; for she had suffered like

afflictions though in a smaller degree, as she had not the task of teaching, nor was she so responsible for the

"Ay, I do so! But I don't vex myself o'er 'em as you do. And then, you see, I hit 'em a slap sometimes; and

them little uns-I give 'em a good whipping now and then-there's nothing else ull do for 'em, as what they say.

"Eh, bless you, yes ! Missis gave me warning a threewik sin'. She told me afore Christmas how it mud be, if

I hit 'em again; but I couldn't hold my hand off 'em at nothing-I know not how you do, for Miss Mary Ann's

BESIDES the old lady, there was another relative of the family, whose visits were a great annoyance to

me-this was "uncle Robson," Mrs Bloomfield's brother, a tall, selfsufficient fellow, with dark hair and

sallow complexion like his sister, a nose that seemed to disdain the earth, and little grey eyes, frequently half

closed, with a mixture of real stupidity and affected contempt of all surrounding objects. He was a thickset,

stronglybuilt man, but he had found some means of compressing his waist into a remarkably small compass,

and that, together with the unnatural stiffness of his form, showed that the loftyminded, manly Mr Robson,

He seldom deigned to notice me; and, when he did, it was with a certain supercilious insolence of tone and

manner, that convinced me he was no gentleman, though it was intended to have a contrary effect. But it was

not for that I disliked his coming, so much as for the harm he did the children-encouraging all their evil

propensities, and undoing, in a few minutes, the little good it had taken me months of labour to achieve.

Fanny and little Harriet, he seldom condescended to notice; but Mary Ann was something of a favourite. He

was continually encouraging her tendency to affectation, (which I had done my utmost to crush,) talking

about her pretty face, and filling her head with all manner of conceited notions concerning her personal

appearance, (which I had instructed her to regard as dust in the balance com pared with the cultivation of

her mind and manners): and I never saw a child so susceptible of flattery as she was. Whatever was wrong, in

either her or her brother, he would encourage by laughing at, if not by actually praising; people little know

the injury they do to children by laughing at their faults, and making a pleasant jest of what their true friends

Though not a positive drunkard, Mr Robson habitually swallowed great quantities of wine, and took with

relish an occasional glass of brandy and water. He taught his nephew to imitate him in this to the utmost of

his ability, and to believe that the more wine and spirits he could take, and the better he liked them, the more

he manifested his bold and manly spirit, and rose superior to his sisters. Mr Bloomfield had not much to say

against it, for his favourite beverage was gin and water, of which he took a considerable portion every day, by

dint of constant sipping-and to that I chiefly attributed his dingy complexion and waspish temper.

Mr Robson likewise encouraged Tom's propensity to persecute the lower creation, both by precept and

example. As he frequently came to course or shoot over his brotherinlaw's grounds, he would bring his

favourite dogs with him, and he treated them so brutally that, poor as I was, I would have given a sovereign

any day to see one of them bite him, provided the animal could have done it with impunity. Sometimes, when

in a very complacent mood, he would go abirdnesting with the children, a thing that irritated and annoyed

me exceedingly, as, by frequent and persevering attempts, I flattered myself I had partly shown them the evil

of this pastime, and hoped, in time, to bring them to some general sense of justice and humanity; but ten

minutes' birdnesting with uncle Robson, or even a laugh from him at some relation of their former

barbarities was sufficient, at once, to destroy the effect of my whole elaborate course of reasoning and

persuasion. Happily, however, during that Spring, they never, but once, got anything but empty nests, or

eggs-being too impatient to leave them till the birds were hatched; that once, Tom, who had been with his

uncle into the neighbouring plantation, came running in high glee into the garden, with a brood of little

Mary Ann and Fanny, whom I was just bringing out, ran to admire his spoils, and to beg each a bird for

"No, not one!" cried Tom. "They're all mine: uncle Robson gave them to me-one, two, three, four, five-you

shan't touch one of them! no, not one, for your lives!" continued he, exultantly, laying the nest on the ground,

and standing over it, with his legs wide apart, his hands thrust into his breechespockets, his body bent

forward, and his face twisted into all manner of contortions in the ecstasy of his delight.

"But you shall see me fettle 'em off. My word, but I will wallop 'em! See if I don't now! By gum! but there's

"But, Tom," said I, "I shall not allow you to torture those birds. They must either be killed at once, or carried

back to the place you took them from, that the old birds may continue to feed them."

"But you don't know where that is, madam. It's only me and uncle Robson that knows that."

"You daren't. You daren't touch them for your life! because you know papa and mama, and uncle Robson

"I shall do what I think is right in a case of this sort, without consulting any one. If your papa and mama don't

happen to approve of it, I shall be sorry to offend them, but your uncle Robson's opinions, of course, are

So saying-urged by a sense of duty-at the risk of both making myself sick, and incurring the wrath of my

employers-I got a large stone, that had been reared up for a mousetrap by the gardener, then, having once

more vainly endeavoured to persuade the little tyrant to let the birds be carried back, I asked what he intended

to do with them. With fiendish glee he commenced a list of torments, and while he was busied in the relation,

I dropped the stone upon his intended victims, and crushed them flat beneath it.

Loud were the outcries, terrible the execrations, consequent upon this daring outrage; uncle Robson had been

coming up the walk with his gun, and was, just then, pausing to kick his dog. Tom flew towards him, vowing

he would make him kick me instead of Juno. Mr Robson leant upon his gun, and laughed excessively at the

violence of his nephew's passion, and the bitter maledictions and opprobrious epithets he heaped upon me.

"Well, you are a good 'un!" exclaimed he, at length, taking up his weapon and proceeding towards the house.

"Damme, but the lad has some spunk in him, too! Curse me, if ever I saw a nobler little scoundrel than that!

He's beyond petticoat government already:-by G! he defies mother, granny, governess, and all! Ha, ha, ha!

"Humph!" replied he, and having honoured me with a broad stare, which, contrary to his expectations, I

sustained without flinching, he turned away with an air of supreme contempt, and stalked into the house.

Tom next went to tell his mama. It was not her way to say much on any subject; but, when she next saw me,

"I am sorry, Miss Grey, you should think it necessary to interfere with Master Bloomfield's amusements; he

"When Master Bloomfield's amusements consist in injuring sentient creatures," I answered, "I think it my

"You seem to have forgotten," said she, calmly, "that the creatures were all created for our convenience."

"I think," said she, "a child's amusement is scarcely to be weighed against the welfare of a soulless brute."

"But, for the child's own sake, it ought not to be encouraged to have such amusements," answered I, as

"I think you have not shewn much mercy," replied she, with a short, bitter laugh; "killing the poor birds by

wholesale, in that shocking manner, and putting the dear boy to such misery, for a mere whim!"

This was the nearest approach to a quarrel I ever had with Mrs Bloomfield, as well as the greatest number of

But Mr Robson and old Mrs Bloomfield were not the only guests whose coming to Wellwood House

annoyed me; every visitor disturbed me, more or less; not so much because they neglected me, (though I did

feel their conduct strange and disagreeable in that respect) as because I found it impossible to keep my pupils

away from them, as I was repeatedly desired to do: Tom must talk to them, and Mary Ann must be noticed by

them. Neither the one nor the other knew what it was to feel any degree of shamefacedness, or even

common modesty. They would indecently and clamorously interrupt the conversation of their elders, teaze

them with the most impertinent questions, roughly collar the gentlemen, climb their knees uninvited, hang

about their shoulders, or rifle their pockets, pull the ladies' gowns, disorder their hair, tumble their collars,

Mrs Bloomfield had the sense to be shocked and annoyed at all this, but she had not sense to prevent it. She

expected me to prevent it;-and how could I-when the guests, with their fine clothes and new faces,

continually flattered and indulged them out of complaisance to their parents-how could I with my homely

garments, everyday face, and honest words, draw them away? I strained every nerve to do so;-by striving to

amuse them, I endeavoured to attract them to my side, by the exertion of such authority as I possessed, and by

such severity as I dared to use, I tried to deter them from tormenting the guests; and by reproaching their

unmannerly conduct, to make them ashamed to repeat it. But they knew no shame-they scorned authority

which had no terrors to back it, and as for kindness and affection, either they had no hearts, or such as they

had were so strongly guarded, and so well concealed, that I, with all my efforts had not yet discovered how to

But soon my trials in this quarter came to a close-sooner than I either expected or desired; for one sweet

evening towards the close of May, as I was rejoicing in the near approach of the holidays, and congratulating

myself upon having made some progress with my pupils-as far as their learning went at least, for I had

instilled something into their heads, and I had at length, brought them to be a little-a very little-more rational

about getting their lessons done in time to leave some space for recreation, instead of tormenting themselves

and me all day long to no purpose, Mrs Bloomfield sent for me, and calmly told me that after Midsummer my

services would be no longer required. She assured me that my character and general conduct were

unexceptionable, but the children had made so little improvement since my arrival, that Mr Bloomfield and

she felt it their duty to seek some other mode of instruction. Though superior to most children of their years

in abilities, they were decidedly behind them in attainments, their manners were uncultivated, and their

tempers unruly. And this she attributed to a want of sufficient firmness, and diligent, persevering care on my

Unshaken firmness, devoted diligence, unwearied perseverance, unceasing care, were the very qualifications

on which I had secretly prided myself, and by which I had hoped in time, to overcome all difficulties, and

obtain success at last. I wished to say something in my own justification, but in attempting to speak, I felt my

voice falter, and rather than testify any emotion, or suffer the tears to overflow, that were already gathering in

Thus was I dismissed, and thus I sought my home. Alas! what would they think of me? unable, after all my

boasting to keep my place, even for a single year, as governess to three small children, whose mother was

asserted by my own aunt to be a "very nice woman." Having thus been weighed in the balance, and found

wanting, I need not hope they would be willing to try me again. And this was an unwelcome thought; for

vexed, harassed, disappointed as I had been, and greatly as I had learnt to love and value my home, I was not

yet weary of adventure, nor willing to relax my efforts. I knew all parents were not like Mr and Mrs

Bloomfield, and I was certain all children were not like theirs. The next family must be different, and any

change must be for the better. I had been seasoned by adversity, and tutored by experience, and I longed to

redeem my lost honour in the eyes of those whose opinion was more than that of all the world to me.

FOR a few months I remained peaceably at home, in the quiet enjoyment of liberty and rest, and genuine

friendship, from all of which I had fasted so long, and in the earnest prosecution of my studies to recover

what I had lost during my stay at Wellwood House, and to lay in new stores for future use.

My father's health was still very infirm, but not materially worse than when I last saw him, and I was glad I

had it in my power to cheer him by my return, and to amuse him with singing his favourite songs.

No one triumphed over my failure, or said I had better have taken his or her advice, and quietly stayed at

home. All were glad to have me back again, and lavished more kindness than ever upon me, to make up for

the sufferings I had undergone; but not one would touch a shilling of what I had so cheerfully earned and so

carefully saved, in the hope of sharing it with them. By dint of pinching here, and scraping there, our debts,

already were nearly paid. Mary had had good success with her drawings, but our father had insisted upon her

likewise keeping all the produce of her industry to herself. All we could spare from the supply of our humble

wardrobe, and our little casual expenses, he directed us to put into the savings' bank, saying we knew not how

soon we might be dependent on that alone for support, for he felt he had not long to be with us, and what

Dear papa! if he had troubled himself less about the afflictions that threatened us in case of his death, I am

convinced that dreaded event would not have taken place so soon. My mother would never suffer him to

"Oh, Richard!" exclaimed she, on one occasion, "if you would but dismiss such gloomy thoughts from your

mind, you would live as long as any of us-at least you would live to see the girls married, and yourself a

My mother laughed, and so did my father; but his laugh soon perished in a dreary sigh.

"Why, nobody shall, that isn't thankful for them- Wasn't I penniless when you took me? and you pretended, at

least, to be vastly pleased with your acquisition.- But it's no matter whether they get married or not; we can

devise a thousand honest ways of making a livelihood; and I wonder, Richard, you can think of bothering

your head about our poverty in case of your death, as if that would be anything compared with the calamity of

losing you-an affliction that, you well know, would swallow up all others, and which you ought to do your

utmost to preserve us from; and there is nothing like a cheerful mind for keeping the body in health. "

"I know, Alice, it's wrong to keep repining as I do, but I cannot help it; you must bear with me. "

"I won't bear with you, if I can alter you!" replied my mother: but the harshness of her words was undone by

the earnest affection of her tone and pleasant smile that made my father smile again, less sadly, and less

"Mama," said I, as soon as I could find an opportunity of speaking with her alone, "my money is but little,

and cannot last long; if I could increase it, it would lessen papa's anxiety on one subject at least. I cannot

draw like Mary, and so the best thing I could do would be to look out for another situation."

"But not many I think," replied I, "and I'm sure all children are not like theirs; for I and Mary were not: we

"Generally: but then, I did not spoil you; and you were not perfect angels after all: Mary had a fund of quiet

obstinacy, and you were somewhat faulty in regard to temper; but you were very good children on the whole.

"I know I was sulky sometimes, and I should have been glad to see those children sulky sometimes too; for

then I could have understood them; but they never were; for they could not be offended, nor hurt, nor

ashamed: they could not be unhappy in any way, except when they were in a passion. "

"Well, if they could not, it was not their fault; you cannot expect stone to be as pliable as clay."

"No, but still it is very unpleasant to live with such unimpressionable, incomprehensible creatures. You

cannot love them; and if you could, your love would be utterly thrown away; they could neither return it, nor

value, nor understand it.-But however, even if I should stumble on such a family again, which is quite

unlikely, I have all this experi ence to begin with, and I should manage better another time; and the end and

"Well, my girl, you are not easily discouraged, I see-I am glad of that-But, let me tell you, you are a good

deal paler and thinner than when you first left home, and we cannot have you undermining your health to

"Mary tells me I am changed too; and I don't much wonder at it, for I was in a constant state of agitation and

After some further discussion, my mother promised once more to assist me, provided I would wait and be

patient; and I left her to broach the matter to my father, when, and how, she deemed it most advisable, never

Meantime, I searched, with great interest, the advertising columns of the newspapers, and wrote answers to

every "Wanted a Governess," that appeared at all eligible; but all my letters, as well as the replies, when I got

any, were dutifully shewn to my mother; and she, to my chagrin, made me reject the situations one after

another-These were low people, these were too exacting in their demands, and these too niggardly in their

"Your talents are not such as every poor clergyman's daughter possesses, Agnes," she would say, "and you

must not throw them away. Remember, you promised to be patient-there is no need of hurry-you have plenty

At length, she advised me to put an advertisement, myself, in the paper, stating my qualifications,

"Music, Singing, Drawing, French, Latin, and German," said she, "are no mean assemblage; many will be

glad to have so much in one instructor; and this time, you shall try your fortune in a somewhat higher

family-in that of some genuine, thoroughbred gentleman, for such are far more likely to treat you with

proper respect and consideration, than those purseproud tradespeople and arrogant upstarts. I have known

several among the higher ranks, who treated their governesses quite as one of the family; though some, I

allow, are as insolent and exacting as any one else can be: for there are bad and good in all classes."

The advertisement was quickly written and despatched. Of the two parties who answered it, but one would

consent to give me fifty pounds, the sum my mother bade me name as the salary I should require; and here, I

hesitated about engaging myself, as I feared the children would be too old, and their parents would require

some one more showy, or more experienced, if not more accomplished than I; but my mother dissuaded me

from declining it on that account: I should do vastly well, she said, if I would only throw aside my diffidence,

and acquire a little more confidence in myself. I was just to give a plain, true statement of my acquirements

and qualifications, and name what stipulations I chose to make, and then await the result.

The only stipulation I ventured to propose, was that I might be allowed two months holidays during the year

to visit my friends, at Midsummer and Christmas. The unknown lady, in her reply, made no objection to this,

and stated that, as to my acquirements, she had no doubt I should be able to give satisfaction; but in the

engagement of governesses, she considered those things as but subordinate points, as, being situated in the

neighbourhood of O-, she could get masters to supply any deficiencies in that respect, but, in her opinion,

next to unimpeachable morality, a mild and cheerful temper, and obliging disposition were the most essential

My mother did not relish this at all, and now made many objections to my accepting the situation, in which

my sister warmly supported her, but, unwilling to be baulked again, I overruled them all; and, having first

obtained the consent of my father, who had, a short time previously, been apprised of these transactions, I

wrote a most obliging epistle to my unknown correspondent, and, finally, the bargain was concluded.

It was decreed that, on the last day of January, I was to enter upon my new office, as governess in the family

of Mr Murray, of Horton Lodge, near O-, about seventy miles from our village-a formidable distance to me,

as I had never been above twenty miles from home in all the course of my twenty years sojourn on earth, and

as, moreover, every individual, in that family and in the neighbourhood, was utterly unknown to myself and

all my acquaintances. But this rendered it only the more piquant to me: I had now, in some measure, got rid

of the mauvaise honte that had formerly oppressed me so much; there was a pleasing excitement in the idea

of entering these unknown regions, and making my way alone among its strange inhabitants; I now flattered

myself I was going to see something of the world; Mr Murray's residence was near a large town, and not in a

manufacturing district, where the people had nothing to do but make money; his rank, from what I could

gather, appeared to be higher than that of Mr Bloomfield, and, doubtless, he was one of those thoroughbred

gentry my mother spoke of, who would treat his governess with due consideration as a respectable well

educated lady, the instructor and guide of his children, and not a mere upper servant. Then, my pupils, being

older, would be more rational, more teachable, and less troublesome than the last, they would be less

confined to the schoolroom, and not require that constant labour and incessant watching, and, finally- bright

visions mingled with my hopes, with which, the care of children, and the mere duties of a governess had little

or nothing to do; so that the reader will see that I had no claim to be regarded as a martyr to filial piety, going

forth to sacrifice peace and liberty for the sole purpose of laying up stores for the comfort and support of my

parents, though, certainly, the comfort of my father, and the future support of my mother had a large share in

my calculations, and fifty pounds appeared to me no ordinary sum. I must have decent clothes becoming my

station, I must, it seemed, put out my washing, and also pay for my four annual journeys between Horton

Lodge and home; but, with strict attention to economy, surely twenty pounds, or little more, would cover

those expenses, and then there would be thirty for the bank, or little less; what a valuable addition to our

stock! Oh! I must struggle to keep this situation, whatever it might be! both for my own honour among my

THE thirtyfirst of January was a wild, tempestuous day; there was a strong north wind, with a continual

storm of snow drifting on the ground, and whirling through the air. My friends would have had me delay my

departure, but fearful of prejudicing my employers against me by such want of punctuality at the

I will not inflict upon my readers an account of my leaving home on that dark winter morning, the fond

farewells, the long-long journey to O-, the solitary waitings in inns for coaches or trains-for there were some

railways then-and, finally, the meeting at O- with Mr Murray's servant, who had been sent, with the phaeton,

I will just state that the heavy snow had thrown such impediments in the way of both horses and

steamengines, that it was dark some hours before I reached my journey's end, and that a most bewildering

storm came on at last, which made the few miles' space between O- and Horton Lodge a long and formidable

passage. I sat resigned, with the cold, sharp snow drifting through my veil, and filling my lap, seeing nothing,

and wondering how the unfortunate horse and driver could make their way even as well as they did, and

indeed it was but a toilsome, creeping style of progression to say the best of it.

At length we paused; and, at the call of the driver, some one unlatched and rolled back upon their creaking

hinges, what appeared to be, the park gates. Then we proceeded along a smoother road, whence, occasionally,

I perceived some huge, hoary mass gleaming through the darkness, which I took to be a portion of a

After a considerable time, we paused again, before the stately portico of a large house with long windows

I rose with some difficulty from under the superincumbent snowdrift, and alighted from the carriage,

expecting a kind and hospitable reception would indemnify me for the toils and hardships of the day. A

gentlemanly person in black opened the door, and admitted me into a spacious hall lighted by an

ambercoloured lamp suspended from the ceiling; he led me through this, along a passage, and, opening the

door of a back room, told me that was the schoolroom. I entered, and found two young ladies and two

young gentlemen, my future pupils, I supposed. After a formal greeting, the elder girl, who was trifling over

apiece of canvass and a basket of German wools, asked if I should like to go upstairs.

Miss Matilda, a strapping hoyden, of about fourteen, with a short frock and trousers, shrugged her shoulders,

and made a slight grimace, but took a candle and proceeded before me, up the back stairs, a long, steep,

double flight, and through a long, narrow passage, to a small, but tolerably comfortable room. She then asked

me if I would take some tea or coffee. I was about to answer no, but, remembering that I had taken nothing

since seven o'clock that morning, and feeling faint in consequence, I said I would take a cup of tea. Saying

she would tell "Brown," the young lady departed; and by the time I had divested myself of my heavy, wet

cloak, shawl, bonnet, a mincing damsel came to say, the young ladies desired to know whether I would take

my tea up there or in the schoolroom. Under the plea of fatigue, I chose to take it there. She withdrew; and,

after a while, returned again with a small teatray, and placed it on the chest of drawers which served as a

dressingtable. Having civilly thanked her, I asked at what time I should be expected to rise in the morning.

"The young ladies and gentlemen breakfast at halfpast eight ma'am," said she; "they rise early; but, as they

seldom do any lessons before breakfast, I should think it will do if you rise soon after seven."

I desired her to be so kind as to call me at seven; and, promising to do so she withdrew. Then, having broken

my long fast on a cup of tea, and a little thin bread and butter, I sat down beside the small, smouldering fire,

and amused myself with a hearty fit of crying; after which, I said my prayers, and then, feeling considerably

relieved, began to prepare for bed; but, finding that none of my luggage was brought up, I instituted a search

for the bell; and failing to discover any signs of such a convenience in any corner of the room, I took my

candle, and ventured through the long passage, and down the steep stairs, on a voyage of discovery. Meeting

a well dressed female on the way, I told her what I wanted, but not without considerable hesitation, as I was

not quite sure whether it was one of the upper servants, or Mrs Murray herself. It happened, however, to be

With the air of one conferring an unusual favour, she vouchsafed to undertake the sending up of my things;

and when I had reentered my room, and waited and wondered a long time, greatly fearing that she had

forgotten, or neglected to perform her promise, and doubting whether to keep waiting, or go to bed, or go

down again, my hopes, at length, were revived by the sound of voices and laught er, accompanied by the

tramp of feet along the passage, and presently, the luggage was brought in by a roughlooking maid and a

Having shut the door upon their retiring footsteps, and unpacked a few of my things, I, at length, betook

It was with a strange feeling of desolation mingled with a strong sense of the novelty of my situation, and a

joyless kind of curiosity concerning what was yet unknown, that I awoke the next morning feeling like one

whirled away by enchantment, and suddenly dropped from the clouds into a remote and unknown land,

widely and completely isolated from all he had ever seen or known before; or like a thistleseed borne on the

wind to some strange nook of uncongenial soil, where it must lie long enough before it can take root and

germinate, extracting nourishment from what appears so alien to its nature, if indeed, it ever can; but this

gives no proper idea of my feelings at all; and no one, that has not lived such a retired, stationary life as mine,

can possibly imagine what they were-hardly even if he has known what it is to awake some morning and find

himself in Port Nelson in New Zealand, with a world of waters between himself and all that knew him.

I shall not soon forget the peculiar feeling with which I raised my blind and looked out upon the unknown

"Deserts tossed in snow, And heavyladen groves." I descended to the schoolroom with no remarkable

eagerness to join my pupils, though not without some feel ing of curiosity respecting what a further

acquaintance would reveal. One thing, among others of more obvious importance, I determined with myself;

I must begin with calling them Miss and Master. It seemed to me, a chilling and unnatural piece of punctilio

between the children of a family and their instructor and daily companion, especially where the former were

in their early childhood, as at Wellwood House; but even there, my calling the little Bloomfields by their

simple names had been regarded as an offensive liberty, as their parents had taken care to show me, by

carefully designating them Master and Miss Bloomfield, in speaking to me. I had been very slow to take the

hint, because the whole affair struck me as so very absurd; but now, I determined to be wiser, and begin at

once with as much form and ceremony as any member of the family would be likely to require; and indeed,

the children being so much older, there would be less difficulty; though the little words Miss and Master

seemed to have a surprising effect in repressing all familiar, openhearted kindness, and extinguishing every

As I cannot, like Dogberry, find it in my heart to bestow all my tediousness upon the reader, I will not go on

to bore him with a minute detail of all the discoveries and proceedings of this and the following day. No

doubt he will be amply satisfied with a slight sketch of the different members of the family, and a general

To begin with the head: Mr Murray was, by all accounts, a blustering, roystering country squire, a devoted

foxhunter, a skilful horsejockey and farrier, an active, practical farmer, and a hearty bonvivant-by all

accounts, I say, for, except on Sundays when he went to church, I never saw him from month to month,

unless, in crossing the hall or walking in the grounds, the figure of a tall, stout gentleman, with scarlet cheeks

and crimson nose, happened to come across me; on which occasions, if he passed near enough to speak, an

unceremonious nod, accompanied by a "Morning, Miss Grey," or some such brief salutation was usually

vouchsafed. Frequently indeed, his loud laugh reached me from afar, and oftener still, I heard him swearing

and blaspheming against the footmen, groom, coachman, or some other hapless dependent.

Mrs Murray was a handsome, dashing lady of forty, who certainly required neither rouge nor padding to add

to her charms, and whose chief enjoyments were, or seemed to be, in giving or frequenting parties, and in

I did not see her till eleven o'clock on the morning after my arrival, when she honoured me with a visit, just

as my mother might step into the kitchen to see a new servant girl-yet not so, either, for my mother would

have seen her immediately after her arrival, and not waited till next day; and, moreover, she would have

addressed her in a more kind and friendly manner, and given her some words of comfort as well as a plain

exposition of her duties; but Mrs Murray did neither the one nor the other. She just stepped into the

schoolroom, on her return from ordering dinner in the housekeeper's room, bid me goodmorning, stood for

two minutes by the fire, said a few words about the weather and the "rather rough" journey I must have had

yesterday; petted her youngest child-a boy of ten, who had just been wiping his mouth and hands on her

gown, after indulging in some savoury morsel from the housekeeper's stores-told me what a sweet, good boy

he was, and then sailed out, with a selfcomplacent smile upon her face, thinking, no doubt, that she had

done quite enough for the present, and had been delightfully con descending into the bargain. Her children

After this she looked in upon me once or twice, during the absence of my pupils, to enlighten me concerning

my duties towards them. For the girls she seemed anxious only to render them as superficially attractive, and

showily accomplished, as they could possibly be made without present trouble or discomfort to themselves;

and I was to act accordingly-to study and strive to amuse and oblige, instruct, refine, and polish, with the least

possible exertion on their part, and no exercise of authority on mine. With regard to the two boys it was much

the same, only instead of accomplishments, I was to get the greatest possible quantity of Latin grammar and

Valpy's delectus into their heads, in order to fit them for school-the greatest possible quantity at least, without

trouble to themselves. John might be a "little highspirited," and Charles might be a "little nervous and

"But at all events, Miss Grey," said she, "I hope you will keep your temper, and be mild and patient

throughout; especially with the dear little Charles, he is so extremely nervous and susceptible, and so utterly

unaccustomed to anything but the tenderest treatment. You will excuse my naming these things to you; for

the fact is, I have hitherto found all the governesses, even the very best of them, faulty in this particular. They

wanted that meek and quiet spirit, which St Matthew, or some of them, says is better than the putting on of

apparel-you will know the passage to which I allude, for you are a clergyman's daughter; but I have no doubt

you will give satisfaction in this respect as well as the rest. And remember, on all occasions, when any of the

young people do anything very improper, if persuasion and gentle remonstrance will not do, let one of the

others come and tell me; for I can speak to them more plainly than it would be proper for you to do. And

make them as happy as you can, Miss Grey, and I dare say you will do very well."

I observed that while Mrs Murray was so extremely solicitous for the comfort and happiness of her children,

and continually talking about it, she never once mentioned mine, though they were at home surrounded by

friends, and I an alien among strangers; and I did not yet know enough of the world not to be considerably

Miss Murray, otherwise Rosalie, was about sixteen when I came, and decidedly a very pretty girl; and in two

years longer, as time more completely developed her form, and added grace to her carriage and deportment,

she was positively beautiful; and that in no common degree. She was tall and slender, but not thin, perfectly

formed, exquisitely fair, though not without a brilliant, healthy bloom; her hair which she wore in a profusion

of long ringlets, was of a very light brown, strongly inclining to yellow; her eyes were pale blue, but so clear

and bright, that few would wish them darker; the rest of her features were small, not quite regular, and not

remarkably otherwise, but altogether you could not hesitate to pronounce her, a very lovely girl. I wish I

Yet think not I have any dreadful disclosures to make; she was lively, lighthearted, and could be very

agreeable, with those who did not cross her will. Towards me, when I first came she was cold and haughty,

then, insolent and overbearing; but on a further acquaintance, she gradually laid aside her airs, and in time,

became as deeply attached to me as it was possible for her to be to one of my character and position; for she

seldom lost sight, for above halfanhour at a time, of the fact of my being a hireling, and a poor curate's

daughter; and yet, upon the whole, I believe she respected me more than she herself was aware of, because I

was the only person in the house, who steadily professed good principles, habitually spoke the truth, and

generally endeavoured to make inclination bow to duty; and this I say, not of course in commendation of

myself, but to show the unfortunate state of the family to which my services were, for the present devoted.

There was no member of it in whom I regretted this sad want of principle so much as Miss Murray herself;

not only because she had taken a fancy to me, but because there was so much of what was pleasant and

prepossessing in herself, that, in spite of her failings, I really liked her-when she did not rouse my

indignation, or ruffle my temper by too great a display of her faults, which however, I would fain persuade

myself were rather the effect of her education than her disposition; she had never been perfectly taught the

distinction between right and wrong; she had, like her brothers and sisters, been suffered from infancy, to

tyrannize over nurses, governesses, and servants; she had not been taught to moderate her desires, to control

her temper or bridle her will, or to sacrifice her own pleasure for the good of others; her temper being

naturally good, she was never violent or morose, but from constant indulgence and habitual scorn of reason,

she was often testy and capricious; her mind had never been cultivated: her intellect at best was somewhat

shallow; she possessed considerable vivacity, some quickness of perception, and some talent for music and

the acquisition of languages, but till fifteen, she had troubled herself to acquire nothing;-then the love of

display had roused her faculties, and induced her to apply herself, but only to the more showy

accomplishments; and when I came, it was the same-everything was neglected but French, German, music,

drawing-such drawing as might produce the greatest show with the smallest labour, and the principal parts of

which were generally done by me. For music and singing, besides my occasional instructions, she had the

attendance of the best master the country afforded; and in them, as well as in dancing, she certainly attained

great proficiency. To music, indeed, she devoted too much of her time, as, governess though I was I

frequently told her: but her mother thought that if she liked it, she could not give too much time to the

Of fancywork I knew nothing but what I gathered from my pupil and my own observation; but no sooner

was I initiated, than she made me useful in twenty different ways: all the tedious parts of her work were

shifted onto my shoulders; such as, stretching the frames, stitching in the canvass, sorting the wools and silks,

putting in the grounds, counting the stitches, rectifying mistakes, and finishing the pieces she was tired of.

At sixteen, Miss Murray was something of a romp, yet not more so than is natural and allowable for a girl of

that age; but at seventeen, that propensity, like all other things, began to give way to the ruling passion, and

soon was swallowed up in the all absorbing ambition, to attract and dazzle the other sex. But enough of her:

Miss Matilda Murray was a veritable hoyden, of whom little need be said. She was about two years and a half

younger than her sister; her features were larger, her complexion much darker. She might possibly make a

handsome woman, but she was far too bigboned and awkward ever to be called a pretty girl, and at present,

she cared little about it. Rosalie knew all her charms, and thought them even greater than they were, and

valued them more highly than she ought to have done, had they been three times as great; Matilda thought

she was well enough, but cared little about the matter; still less did she care about the cultivation of her mind,

and the acquisition of ornamental accomplishments. The manner in which she learnt her lessons and practised

her music was calculated to drive any governess to despair. Short and easy as her tasks were, if done at all,

they were slurred over at any time, and in any way, but generally at the least convenient times, and in the way

least beneficial to herself, and least satisfactory to me; and the short halfhour of practising was horribly

strummed through; she, meantime, unsparingly abusing me, either for interrupting her with corrections, or for

not rectifying her mistakes before they were made, or something equally unreasonable.

Once or twice, I ventured to remonstrate with her seriously for such irrational conduct; but, on each of those

occasions, I received such reprehensive expostulations from her mother, as convinced me that, if I wished to

When her lessons were over, however, her illhumour was generally over too; while riding her spirited pony,

or romping with the dogs, or her brothers and sister, but specially with her dear brother John, she was as

As an animal, Matilda was all right, full of life, vigour, and activity; as an intelligent being, she was

barbarously ignorant, indocile, careless, and irrational; and consequently, very distressing to one who had the

task of cultivating her understanding, reforming her manners, and aiding her to acquire those ornamental

attainments which, unlike her sister, she despised as much as the rest: her mother was partly aware of her

deficiencies, and gave me many a lecture as to how I should try to form her tastes, and endeavour to rouse

and cherish her dormant vanity, and, by insinuating, skilful flattery, to win her attention to the desired

objects-which I would not do-and how I should prepare and smooth the path of learning till she could glide

along it without the least exertion to herself, which I could not, for nothing can be taught to any purpose

As a moral agent, she was reckless, headstrong, violent, and unamenable to reason. One proof of the

deplorable state of her mind, was that from her father's example, she had learned to swear like a trooper.

Her mother was greatly shocked at the "unladylike trick," and wondered "how she had picked it up."

"But you can soon break her of it, Miss Grey," said she; "it is only a habit; and if you will just gently remind

I not only "gently reminded" her, but I tried to impress upon her how wrong it was, and how distressing to the

ears of decent people; but all in vain, I was only answered by a careless laugh, and,-

"Well! I can't help it; papa shouldn't have taught me: I learnt it all from him; and maybe a bit from the

Her brother John, alias Master Murray, was about eleven when I came; a fine, stout, healthy boy, frank, and

goodnatured in the main, and might have been a decent lad, had he been properly educated, but now, he was

as rough as a young bear, boisterous, unruly, unprincipled, untaught, unteachable-at least, for a governess

under his mother's eye; his masters at school might be able to manage him better-for to school he was sent,

greatly to my relief, in the course of a year; in a state, it is true, of scandalous ignorance, as to Latin, as well

as the more useful, though more neglected things; and this, doubtless, would all be laid to the account of his

education having been entrusted to an ignorant female teacher, who had presumed to take in hand what she

was wholly incompetent to perform. I was not delivered from his brother till full twelve months after, when

he also was despatched in the same state of disgraceful ignorance as the former.

Master Charles was his mother's peculiar darling. He was a little more than a year younger than John, but

much smaller, paler, and less active and robust; a pettish, cowardly, capricious, selfish little fellow, only

active in doing mischief, and only clever in inventing falsehoods, not simply to hide his faults, but, in mere

malicious wantonness, to bring odium upon others; in fact, Master Charles was a very great nuisance to me: it

was a trial of patience to live with him peaceably; to watch over him was worse; and to teach him, or pretend

At ten years old, he could not read, correctly, the easiest line in the simplest book; and as, according to his

mother's principle, he was to be told every word, before he had time to hesitate, or examine its orthography,

and never even to be informed, as a stimulant to exertion, that other boys were more forward than he, it is not

surprising that he made but little progress during the two years I had charge of his education.

His minute portions of Latin grammar, were to be repeated over to him, till he chose to say he knew them;

and then, he was to be helped to say them: if he made mistakes in his little easy sums in arithmetic, they were

to be shewn him at once, and the sum done for him, instead of his being left to exercise his faculties in

finding them out himself; so that, of course, he took no pains to avoid mistakes, but frequently set down his

Yet, I did not invariably confine myself to these rules; it was against my conscience to do so; but I seldom

could venture to deviate from them, in the slightest degree, without incurring the wrath of my little pupil, and

subsequently of his mama, to whom he would relate my transgressions, maliciously exaggerated, or adorned

with embellishments of his own; and often, in consequence, was I on the point of losing, or resigning my

situation; but, for their sakes at home, I smothered my pride and suppressed my indignation, and managed to

struggle on till my little tormentor was despatched to school, his father declaring that home education was

"no go for him, it was plain; his mother spoiled him outrageously, and his governess could make no hand of

A few more observations about Horton Lodge and its on goings, and I have done with dry description for the

The house was a very respectable one, superior to Mr Bloomfield's both in age, size, and magnificence: the

garden was not so tastefully laid out; but instead of smoothshaven lawn, the young trees guarded by palings,

the grove of upstart poplars, and the plantation of firs, there was a wide park, stocked with deer, and

beautified by fine old trees. The surrounding country itself was pleasant, as far as fertile fields, flourishing

trees, quiet green lanes, and smiling hedges, with wild flowers scattered along their banks, could make it; but,

We were situated nearly two miles from the village church, and, consequently, the family carriage was put in

Mr and Mrs Murray generally thought it sufficient to show themselves at church once in the course of the

day; but frequently the children preferred going a second time to wandering about the grounds all the day

If some of my pupils chose to walk and take me with them, it was well for me; for otherwise, my position in

the carriage was, to be crushed into the corner farthest from the open window, and with my back to the

horses, a position which invariably made me sick; and if I were not actually obliged to leave the church in the

middle of the service, my devotions were disturbed with a feeling of langour and sickliness, and the

tormenting fear of its becoming worse; and a depressing headache was generally my companion throughout

the day, which would otherwise have been one of welcome rest, and holy, calm enjoyment.

"It's very odd, Miss Grey, that the carriage should always make you sick; it never makes me," remarked Miss

"Nor me either," said her sister; "but I dare say it would, if I sat where she does-such a nasty, horrid place,

I am obliged to bear it, since no choice is left me,-I might have answered; but in tenderness for their feelings I

If I were called upon to give a description of the usual divisions and arrangements of the day, I should find it

a very difficult matter. I had all my meals in the schoolroom with my pupils, at such times as suited their

fancy: sometimes they would ring for dinner before it was halfcooked; sometimes they would keep it

waiting on the table for above an hour, and then be out of humour because the potatoes were cold, and the

gravy covered with cakes of solid fat; sometimes they would have tea at four; frequently, they would storm at

the servants because it was not in precisely at five; and when these orders were obeyed, by way of

encouragement to punctuality, they would keep it on the table till seven or eight.

Their hours of study were managed in much the same way: my judgment or convenience was never once

consulted. Sometimes Matilda and John would determine "to get all the plaguy business over before

breakfast," and send the maid to call me up at halfpast five, without any scruple or apology; sometimes, I

was told to be ready precisely at six, and, having dressed in a hurry,came down to an empty room, and after

waiting a long time in suspense, discovered that they had changed their minds, and were still in bed; or,

perhaps, if it were a fine summer morning, Brown would come to tell me that the young ladies and gentlemen

had taken a holiday, and were gone out; and then, I was kept waiting for breakfast, till I was almost ready to

Often they would do their lessons in the open air, which I had nothing to say against, except that I frequently

caught cold by sitting on the damp grass, or from exposure to the evening dew, or some insidious draught,

which seemed to have no injurious effect on them. It was quite right that they should be hardy; yet, surely,

they might have been taught some consideration for others who were less so. But I must not blame them for

what was, perhaps, my own fault; for I never made any particular objections to sitting where they pleased;

foolishly choosing to risk the consequences, rather than trouble them for my convenience.

Their indecorous manner of doing their lessons was quite as remarkable as the caprice displayed in their

choice of time and place. While receiving my instruction, or repeating what they had learnt, they would

lounge upon the sofa, lie on the rug, stretch, yawn, talk to each other or look out of the window; whereas, I

could not so much as stir the fire, or pick up the handkerchief I had dropped, without being rebuked for

inattention by one of my pupils, or told that "mamma would not like me to be so careless."

The servants, seeing in what little estimation the governess was held by both parents and children, regulated

I frequently stood up for them, at the risk of some injury to myself, against the tyranny and injustice of their

young masters and mistresses; and I always endeavoured to give them as little trouble as possible; but they

entirely neglected my comfort, despised my requests, and slighted my directions. All servants, I am

convinced, would not have done so; but domestics in general, being ignorant and little accustomed to reason

and reflection, are too easily corrupted by the carelessness and bad example of those above them; and these, I

I sometimes felt myself degraded by the life I led, and ashamed of submitting to so many indignities; and

sometimes, I thought myself a precious fool for caring so much about them, and feared I must be sadly

wanting in christian humility, or that charity which "suffereth long and is kind, seeketh not her own, is not

But, with time and patience, matters began to be slightly ameliorated, slowly, it is true, and almost

imperceptibly; but I got rid of my male pupils, (that was no trifling advantage,) and the girls, as I intimated

before concerning one of them, became a little less insolent, and began to show some symptoms of esteem.

"Miss Grey was a queer creature; she never flattered, and did not praise them half enough, but whenever she

did speak favourably of them, or anything belonging to them, they could be quite sure her approbation was

"She was very obliging, quiet, and peaceable in the main, but there were some things that put her out of

temper; they did not much care for that, to be sure, but still, it was better to keep her in tune, as when she was

in a good humour, she would talk to them, and be very agreeable and amusing sometimes, in her way, which

was quite different to mamma's, but still very well for a change. She had her own opinions on every subject,

and kept steadily to them-very tiresome opinions they often were, as she was always thinking of what was

right and what was wrong, and had a strange reverence for matters connected with Religion, and an

AT EIGHTEEN, Miss Murray was to emerge from the quiet obscurity of the schoolroom into the full blaze

of the fashionable world-as much of it, at least, as could be had out of London; for her papa could not be

persuaded to leave his rural pleasures and pursuits, even for a few weeks' residence in town.

She was to make her debut on the third of January, at a magnificent ball, which her mamma proposed to give

to all nobility and choice gentry of O and its neighbourhood for twenty miles round. Of course, she looked

forward to it with the wildest impatience, and the most extravagant anticipations of delight.

"Miss Grey," said she, one evening, a month before the all important day, as I was perusing a long and

extremely interesting letter of my sister's which I had just glanced, at in the morning, to see that it contained

no very bad news, and kept till now, unable before to find a quiet moment for reading it; "Miss Grey, do put

away that dull, stupid letter, and listen to me! I'm sure my talk must be far more amusing than that."

She seated herself on the low stool at my feet; and I, suppressing a sigh of vexation, began to fold up the

"You should tell the good people at home not to bore you with such long letters," said she; "and above all, do

bid them write on proper notepaper, and not on those great vulgar sheets! You should see the charming little

"The good people at home," replied I, "know very well that the longer their letters are, the better I like them. I

should be very sorry to receive a charming little ladylike note from any of them; and I thought you were too

much of a lady yourself, Miss Murray, to talk about the 'vulgarity' of writing on a large sheet of paper."

"Well, I only said it to tease you. But now I want to talk about the ball; and to tell you that you positively

"No, but you will see the rooms decked out before it begins, and hear the music, and, above all, see me in my

splendid new dress! I shall be so charming, you'll be ready to worship me-you really must stay."

"I should like to see you very much; but I shall have many opportunities of seeing you equally charming on

the occasion of some of the numberless balls and parties that are to be, and I cannot disappoint my friends by

"But, to say the truth, it would be a disappointment to myself: I long to see them as much as they to see

"Nearly a fortnight by my computation; and, besides, I cannot bear the thoughts of a Christmas spent from

"Not till next month; but I want to be there to assist her in making preparations, and to make the best of her

"I've only got the news in this letter, which you stigmatize as dull and stupid, and won't let me read."

"I expect she'll not only be able to bear it, but to be very happy. You did not ask me if Mr Richardson were a

good, wise, or amiable man; I could have answered yes, to all these questions-at least so Mary thinks, and I

"But-miserable creature! how can she think of spending her life there, cooped up with that nasty old man; and

"He is not old: he's only six or seven and thirty; and she herself is twentyeight, and as sober as if she were

"Oh! that's better then-they're well matched; but do they call him the 'worthy vicar' ?"

"Mercy, how shocking! and will she wear a white apron, and make pies and puddings?"

"I don't know about the white apron, but I dare say, she will make pies and puddings, now and then; but that

"And will she go about in a plain shawl, and a large straw bonnet, carrying tracts and bone soup to her

"I'm not clear about that, but I dare say she will do her best to make them comfortable in body and mind, in

"NOW Miss Grey," exclaimed Miss Murray, immediately as I entered the schoolroom, after having taken

off my outdoor garments, upon returning from my four weeks' recreation, "Now shut the door, and sit down,

'No,-d it no!" shouted Miss Matilda. "Hold your tongue, can't ye? and let me tell her about my new

'No, no, Rosalie! you'll be such a d long time over it-she shall hear me first-I'll be hanged if she

"I'm sorry to hear, Miss Matilda, that you've not got rid of that shocking habit yet."

"Well I can't help it; but I'll never say a wicked word again, if you'll only listen to me, and tell Rosalie to hold

Rosalie remonstrated, and I thought I should have been torn in pieces between them; but, Miss Matilda

having the loudest voice, her sister at length, gave in, and suffered her to tell her story first: so I was doomed

to hear a long account of her splendid mare, its breeding and pedigree, its paces, its action, its spirits, and of

her own amazing skill and courage in riding it, concluding with an assertion that she could clear a

fivebarred gate "like winking," that papa said she might hunt the next time the hounds met, and mama had

"Well," answered she, no whit abashed, "I know I could clear a fivebarred gate, if I tried, and papa will say I

"Well, now get along," replied Miss Murray; "and do, dear Matilda, try to be a little more ladylike. Miss

Grey, I wish you would tell her not to use such shocking words; she will call her horse a mare; it is so

inconceivably shocking! and then she uses such dreadful expressions in describing it: she must have learnt it

"I learnt it from papa, you ass! and his jolly friends," said the young lady, vigorously cracking a

huntingwhip, which she habitually carried in her hand. "I'm as good a judge of horseflesh as the best of

"Well, now get along, you shocking girl: I really shall take a fit if you go on in such a way. And now, Miss

Grey, attend to me; I'm going to tell you about the ball. You must be dying to hear about it, I know. Oh, such

a ball! You never saw or heard, or read, or dreamt of anything like it in all your life! The decorations, the

entertainment, the supper, the music were indescribable! and then the guests; There were two noblemen, three

baronets, and five titled ladies!-and other ladies and gentlemen innumerable. The ladies, of course, were of no

consequence to me, except to put me, in a good humour with myself, by showing how ugly and awkward

most of them were; and the best, mama told me,-the most transcendent beauties among them, were nothing to

me. As for me, Miss Grey-I'm so sorry you didn't see me! I was charming-wasn't I, Matilda?"

"No, but I really was-at least so mama said ... and Brown and Williamson. Brown said she was sure no

gentleman could set eyes on me without falling in love that minute; and so I may be allowed to be a little

vain. I know you think me a shocking, conceited, frivolous girl, but then you know, I don't attribute it all to

my personal attractions: I give some praise to the hairdresser, and some to my exquisitely lovely dress-you

must see it tomorrow-white gauze over pink satin-and so sweetly made! and a necklace and bracelet of

"I've no doubt you looked very charming; but should that delight you so very much?"

"Oh, no! ... not that alone: but then, I was so much admired; and I made so many conquests in that one

"Well, I should think one conquest would be enough, and too much, unless the subjugation were mutual."

"Oh, but you know I never agree with you on those points. Now wait a bit, and I'll tell you my principal

admirers-those who made themselves very conspicuous that night and after, for I've been to two parties since.

Unfortunately the two noblemen, Lord G-and Lord F-, were married or I might have condescended to be

particularly gracious to them; as it was, I did not, though Lord F- who hates his wife, was evidently much

struck with me. He asked me to dance with him twice-he is a charming dancer, by the by, and so am I ... you

can't think how well I did ... I was astonished at myself. My lord was very complimentary too-rather too

much so in fact, and I thought proper to be a little haughty and repellent; but I had the pleasure of seeing his

"Oh, Miss Murray! you don't mean to say that such a thing could really give you pleasure! However cross

"Well, I know it's very wrong;-but never mind! I mean to be good sometime-only don't preach now, there's a

good creature-I haven't told you half yet ... Let me see ... Oh! I was going to tell you how many unmistakable

admirers I had:-Sir Thomas Ashby was one,-Sir Hugh Meltham and Sir Broadley Wilson are old codgers,

only fit companions for papa and mama. Sir Thomas is young, rich, and gay, but an ugly beast nevertheless:

however, mama says I should not mind that after a few months' acquaintance. Then, there was Henry

Meltham, Sir Hugh's younger son, rather goodlooking, and a pleasant fellow to flirt with; but being a

younger son, that is all he is good for: then there was young Mr Green, rich enough, but of no family, and a

great stupid fellow, a mere country booby; and then, our good rector Mr Hatfield, an humble admirer, he

ought to consider himself; but I fear he has forgotten to number humility among his stock of Christian

"By no means. He did not profane his cloth by dancing; but it was with difficulty he could refrain, poor man:

he looked as if he were dying to ask my hand just for one set; and-Oh ! by the by-he's got a new curate ... that

"Oh, such a beast! Weston his name is. I can give you his description in three words ... an insensate, ugly,

Then she returned to the ball, and gave me a further account of her deportment there, and at the several

parties she had since attended, and further particulars respecting Sir Thomas Ashby and Messrs Meltham,

Green, and Hat field, and the ineffaceable impression she had wrought upon each of them.

"Well, which of the four do you like best?" said I, suppressing my third or fourth yawn.

"I detest them all!" replied she, shaking her bright ringlets in vivacious scorn.

"No, I really detest them all; but Harry Meltham is the handsomest and most amusing, and Mr Hatfield the

cleverest, Sir Thomas the wickedest, and Mr Green the most stupid. But the one I'm to have, I suppose, if I'm

"Oh, I don't mind his being wicked; he's all the better for that; and as for disliking him-I shouldn't greatly

object to being Lady Ashby of Ashby Park, if I must marry; but if I could be always young, I would be

always single. I should like to enjoy myself thoroughly, and coquet with all the world, till I am on the verge

of being called an old maid; and then, to escape the infamy of that, after having made ten thousand conquests,

to break all their hearts save one, by marrying some highborn, rich, indulgent husband, whom, on the other

"Well, as long as you entertain those views, keep single by all means, and never marry at all, not even to

"WELL, Miss Grey, what do you think of the new curate?" asked Miss Murray, on our return from church the

"Yes, but I cannot pretend to judge of a man's character by a single, cursory glance at his face."

"He did not strike me as being particularly so; I don't dislike that cast of countenance: but the only thing I

particularly noticed about him was his style of reading, which appeared, to me, good-infinitely better, at least,

than Mr Hatfield's. He read the lessons as if he were bent on giving full effect to every passage: it seemed as

if the most careless person could not have helped attending, nor the most ignorant have failed to understand;

and the prayers, he read as if he were not reading at all, but praying, earnestly and sincerely from his own

"Oh, yes! that's all he is good for: he can plod through the service well enough; but he has not a single idea

"Oh! I know perfectly well; I am an excellent judge in such matters. Did you see how he went out of church?

stumping along, as if there was nobody there but himself-never looking to the right hand or the left, and

evidently thinking of nothing but just getting out of the church, and, perhaps, home to his dinner-his great

"I suppose you would have had him cast a glance into the squire's pew," said I, laughing at the vehemence of

"Indeed! I should have been highly indignant if he had dared to do such a thing!" replied she, haughtily

tossing her head; then, after a moment's reflection, she added-"Well, well! I suppose he's good enough for his

place; but I'm glad I'm not dependent on him for amusement-that's all. Did you see how Mr Hatfield hurried

"Yes," answered I, internally adding, "and I thought it somewhat derogatory to his dignity as a clergyman to

come flying from the pulpit in such eager haste to shake hands with the squire, and hand his wife and

daughters into their carriage; and, moreover, I owe him a grudge for nearly shutting me out of it;" for, in fact,

though I was standing before his face, close beside the carriage steps, waiting to get in, he would persist in

putting them up, and closing the door, till one of the family stopped him by calling out that the governess was

not in yet: then, without a word of apology, he departed, wishing them good morning, and leaving the

Nota bene.-Mr Hatfield never spoke to me, neither did Sir Hugh or Lady Meltham, nor Mr Harry or Miss

Meltham, nor Mr Green or his sisters, nor any other lady or gentleman who frequented that church, nor, in

Miss Murray ordered the carriage again, in the afternoon, for herself and her sister: she said it was too cold

for them to enjoy themselves in the garden; and, besides, she believed Harry Meltham would be at church.

"For," said she, smiling slyly at her own fair image in the glass, "he has been a most exemplary attendant at

church these last few Sundays. You would think he was quite a good christian. And you may go with us,

Miss Grey, I want you to see him; he is so greatly improved since he returned from abroad-you can't think!

And besides, then you will have an opportunity of seeing the beautiful Mr Weston again, and of hearing him

I did hear him preach, and was decidedly pleased with the evangelical truth of his doctrine, as well as the

It was truly refreshing to hear such a sermon, after being so long accustomed to the dry, prosy discourses of

the former curate, and the still less edifying harangues of the rector, who would come sailing up the aisle, or

rather sweeping along like a whirlwind, with his rich silk gown flying behind him and rustling against the

pew doors, mount the pulpit like a conqueror ascending his triumphal car; then sinking on the velvet cushion

in an attitude of studied grace, remain in silent prostration for a certain time; then, mutter over a Collect, and

gabble through the Lord's Prayer, rise, draw off one bright lavender glove to give the congregation the benefit

of his sparkling rings, lightly pass his fingers through his wellcurled hair, flourish a cambric handkerchief,

recite a very short passage, or, perhaps, a mere phrase of Scripture, as a headpiece to his discourse, and,

finally, deliver a composition which, as a composition, might be considered good, though far too studied and

too artificial to be pleasing to me; the propositions were well laid down, the arguments logically conducted;

and yet, it was sometimes hard to listen quietly throughout, without some slight demonstrations of

His favourite subjects were church discipline, rites and ceremonies, apostolical succession, the duty of

reverence and obedience to the clergy, the atrocious criminality of dissent, the absolute necessity of observing

all the forms of godliness, the reprehensible presumption of individuals who attempted to think for

themselves in matters connected with religion, or to be guided by their own interpretations of Scripture, and,

occasionally, (to please his wealthy parishioners,) the necessity of deferential obedience from the poor to the

rich-supporting his maxims and exhortations throughout with quotations from the Fathers, with whom he

appeared to be far better acquainted than with the Apostles and Evangelists, and whose importance he seemed

But now and then he gave us a sermon of a different order-what some would call a very good one, but sunless

and severe, representing the Deity as a terrible taskmaster, rather than a benevolent father. Yet, as I listened,

I felt inclined to think the man was sincere in all he said; he must have changed his views, and become

decidedly religious, gloomy and austere, yet still devout; but such illusions were usually dissipated, on

coming out of church, by hearing his voice in jocund colloquy with some of the Melthams or Greens, or,

perhaps, the Murrays themselves, probably laughing at his own sermon, and hoping that he had given the

rascally people some thing to think about; perchance, exulting in the thought that old Betty Holmes would

now lay aside the sinful indulgence of her pipe which had been her daily solace for upwards of thirty years,

that George Higgins would be frightened out of his Sabbath evening walks, and Thomas Jackson would be

sorely troubled in his conscience, and shaken in his sure and certain hope of a joyful resurrection at the last

Thus, I could not but conclude that Mr Hatfield was one of those who "bind heavy burdens, and grievous to

be borne, and lay them upon men's shoulders, while they themselves will not move them with one of their

fingers," and that "make the word of God of none effect by their traditions, teaching for doctrines the

commandments of men." I was well pleased to observe that the new curate resembled him, as far as I could

"Well, Miss Grey! what do you think of him now?" said Miss Murray, as we took our places in the carriage

"No worse! I should think not indeed-quite the contrary! Is he not greatly improved?"

"Oh, yes! very much indeed," replied I; for I had now discovered it was Harry Meltham she meant, not Mr

Weston. That gentleman had eagerly come forward to speak to the young ladies, a thing he would hardly

have ventured to do had their mother been present; he had likewise politely handed them into the carriage-he

had not attempted to shut me out, like Mr Hatfield; neither, of course, had he offered me his assistance, (I

should not have accepted it if he had,) but as long as the door remained open he had stood smirking and

chatting with them, and then lifted his hat and departed to his own abode:-but I had scarcely noticed him all

the time. My companions, however, had been more observant; and, as we rolled along, they discussed

between them not only his looks, words, and actions, but every feature of his face, and every article of his

"You shan't have him all to yourself, Rosalie," said Miss Matilda at the close of this discussion; "I like him: I

"Well, you're quite welcome to him, Matilda," replied her sister, in a tone of affected indifference.

"And I'm sure," continued the other, "he admires me quite as much as he does you-doesn't he, Miss Grey?"

"My dear Matilda! nobody will ever admire you till you get rid of your rough, awkward manners."

"Well, you may captivate old men, and younger sons; but nobody else, I'm sure, will ever take a fancy to

"I don't care: I'm not always grubbing after money, like you and mamma. If my husband is able to keep a few

good horses and dogs, I shall be quite satisfied; and all the rest may go to the devil !"

"Well, if you use such shocking expressions, I'm sure no real gentleman will ever venture to come near

"And you're quite mistaken, Matilda, in supposing that Harry Meltham admires you: I assure you he does

Matilda was beginning an angry reply; but, happily, our journey was now at an end; and the contention was

cut short by the footman opening the carriage door, and letting down the steps for our descent.

AS I had now only one regular pupil-though she contrived to give me as much trouble as three or four

ordinary ones, and though her sister still took lessons in German and drawing-I had considerably more time at

my own disposal than I had ever been blessed with before, since I had taken upon me the governess's yoke;

which time, I devoted, partly to correspondence with my friends, partly to reading, study, and the practice of

music, singing, partly to wandering in the grounds or adjacent fields, with my pupils, if they wanted me,

Often, when they had no more agreeable occupation at hand, the Misses Murray would amuse themselves

with visiting the poor cottagers on their father's estate to receive their flattering homage, or to hear the old

stories, or gossiping news of the garrulous old women; or, perhaps, to enjoy the purer pleasure of making the

poor people happy with their cheering presence and their occasional gifts, so easily bestowed, so thankfully

received. Sometimes, I was called upon to accompany one or both of the sisters in these visits; and

sometimes, I was desired to go alone to fulfil some promise, which they had been more ready to make than to

perform, to carry some small donation, or read to one who was sick, or seriously disposed: and thus I made a

few acquaintances among the cottagers; and, occasionally, I went to see them on my own account.

I generally had more satisfaction in going alone than with either of the young ladies, for they, chiefly owing

to their defective education, comported themselves towards their inferiors in a manner that was highly

disagreeable for me to witness. They never in thought exchanged places with them; and, consequently, had no

consideration for their feelings, regarding them as an order of beings entirely different from themselves.

They would watch the poor creatures at their meals, making uncivil remarks about their food, and their

manner of eating; they would laugh at their simple notions and provincial expressions, till some of them

scarcely durst venture to speak; they would call the grave, elderly men and women old fools, and silly old

I could see that the people were often hurt and annoyed by such conduct, though their fear of the "grand

ladies" prevented them from testifying any resentment; but they never perceived it. They thought that, as

these cottagers were poor and untaught, they must be stupid and brutish; and as long as they, their superiors,

condescended to talk to them, and to give them shillings and halfcrowns, or articles of clothing, they had a

right to amuse themselves, even at their expense; and the people must adore them as angels of light,

condescending to minister to their necessities, and enlighten their humble dwellings.

I made many and various attempts to deliver my pupils from these delusive notions without alarming their

pride, which was easily offended, and not soon appeased, but with little apparent result; and I know not which

was the more reprehensible of the two; Matilda was more rude and boisterous; but from Rosalie's womanly

age and ladylike exterior better things were expected: yet she was as provokingly careless and inconsiderate

One bright day in the last week of February, I was walk ing in the park, enjoying the threefold luxury of

solitude, a book, and pleasant weather, for Miss Matilda had set out on her daily ride, and Miss Murray was

gone in the carriage with her mamma to pay some morning calls. But it struck me that I ought to leave these

selfish pleasures, and the park with its glorious canopy of bright blue sky, the west wind sounding through its

yet leafless branches, the snowwreaths still lingering in its hollows, but melting fast beneath the sun, and the

graceful deer browsing on its moist herbage already assuming the freshness and verdure of spring ... and go to

the cottage of one Nancy Brown, a widow, whose son was at work all day in the fields, and who was afflicted

with an inflammation in the eyes which had, for some time, incapacitated her from reading, to her own great

I accordingly went, and found her alone, as usual, in her little close, dark cottage, redolent of smoke and

confined air, but as tidy and clean as she could make it. She was seated beside her little fire (consisting of a

few red cinders and a bit of stick), busily knitting, with a small sackcloth cushion at her feet, placed for the

accommodation of her gentle friend the cat who was seated thereon, with her long tail half encircling her

velvet paws, and her halfclosed eyes dreamily gazing on the low, crooked fender.

"Why, middling, miss, i' myseln-my eyes is no better, but I'm a deal easier i' my mind nor I have been,"

replied she, rising to welcome me with a contented smile which I was glad to see, for Nancy had been

I congratulated her upon the change. She agreed that it was a great blessing, and expressed herself "right

down thankful for it;" adding, "If it please God to spare my sight, and make me so as I can read my Bible

"I hope he will, Nancy," replied l; "and, meantime, I'll come and read to you now and then, when I have a

With expressions of grateful pleasure, the poor woman moved to get me a chair; but, as I saved her the

trouble, she busied herself with stirring the fire, and adding a few more sticks to the decaying embers; and

then, taking her wellused Bible from the shelf, dusted it carefully, and gave it me. On my asking if there was

"Well, Miss Grey, if it's all the same to you, I'd like to hear that chapter in the First Epistle of St John, that

says, 'God is love, and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.' "

With a little searching I found these words in the fourth chapter. When I came to the seventh verse she

interrupted me, .and with needless apologies for such a liberty, desired me to read it very slowly, that she

might take it all in, and dwell on every word; hoping I would excuse her, as she was but a "simple body."

"The wisest person," I replied, "might think over each of these verses for an hour, and be all the better for it;

Accordingly, I finished the chapter as slowly as need be, and at the same time as impressively as I could. My

auditor listened most attentively all the while, and sincerely thanked me when I had done. I sat still about half

a minute to give her time to reflect upon it; when, somewhat to my surprise, she broke the pause by asking

"I don't know," I replied, a little startled by the suddenness of the question; "I think he preaches very well."

"He does, Miss; and I'se thankful for it. He comes to see all us poor bodies a deal ofter nor Maister Bligh, or

th' Rector ever did; and it's well he does, for he's always welcome and we can't say as much for th'

Rector-there is 'at says they're fair feared on him. When he comes into a house, they say he's sure to find

summut wrong, and begin a calling 'em as soon as he crossed th' doorstuns: but maybe he thinks it his

dutylike to tell 'em what's wrong; and very oft, he comes o' purpose to reprove folk for not coming to

church, or not kneeling an' standing when other folk does, or going to th' Methody chapel, or summut o' that

sort; but I can't say 'at he ever fund much fault wi' me. He came to see me once or twice, afore Maister

Weston come, when I was so ill troubled in my mind; and as I had only very poor health besides, I made bold

to send for him-and he came right enough. I was sore distressed, Miss Grey-thank God, it's owered now-but

when I took my bible, I could get no comfort of it at all. That very chapter 'at you've just been reading

troubled me as much as aught-'He that loveth not, knoweth not God.' It seemed fearsome to me; for I felt that

I loved neither God nor man as I should do, and could not, if I tried ever so. And th' chapter afore, where it

says-'He that is born of God cannot commit sin.' And another place where it says-'Love is the fulfilling of the

Law.' And many-many others, Miss; I should fair weary you out, if I was to tell them all.-But all seemed to

condemn me, and to show me 'at I was not in the right way; and as I knew not how to get into it, I sent our

Bill to beg Maister Hatfield to be as kind as look in on me some day; and when he came, I telled him all my

"Why, Miss, he liked seemed to scorn me. I might be mista'en-but he like gave a sort of a whistle, and I saw a

bit of a smile on his face; and he said, 'Oh, it's all stuff! You've been among the Methodists, my good

"'Well,' says he, 'you must come to church, where you'll hear the scriptures properly explained, instead of

"But I telled him, I always used coming to church when I had my health; but this very cold winter weather I

"But he says, 'It'll do your rheumatiz good to hobble to church; there's nothing like exercise for the rheumatiz.

You can walk about the house well enough; why can't you walk to church? The fact is,' says he, 'you're

getting too fond of your ease. It's always easy to find excuses for shirking one's duty.' "

"But then, you know, Miss Grey, it wasn't so. However I telled him I'd try. 'But please, sir,' says I, 'If I do go

to church, what the better shall I be? I want to have my sins blotted out, and to feel that they are remembered

no more against me, and that the love of God is shed abroad in my heart; and if I can get no good by reading

my bible, an' saying my prayers at home, what good shall I get by going to church?' "

"'The church,' says he, 'is the place appointed by God for his worship. It's your duty to go there as often as

you can. If you want comfort, you must seek it in the path of duty'-an' a deal more he said, but I cannot

remember all his fine words. However, it all came to this, that I was to come to church as oft as ever I could,

and bring my prayerbook with me, an' read up all the sponsers after th' clerk, an' stand, an' kneel, an' sit, an'

do-all as I should, an' take the Lord's supper at every opportunity, an' hearken his sermons, an' Maister

Bligh's, an' it 'ud be all right: if I went on doing my duty, I should get a blessing at last.

"'Why,' says he-he says, 'if you do your best to get to Heaven and can't manage it, you must be one of those

"An' then he asked me if I'd seen any of the ladies o' th' Hall about that mornin'; so I telled him where I'd seen

the young Misses go on th' Mosslane;-an' he kicked my poor cat right across th' floor, an' went off after 'em

as gay as a lark; but I was very sad. That last word o' his, fair sunk into my heart, an' lay there like a lump o'

"Howsoever, I follered his advice: I thought he meant it all for th' best though he had a queer way with him.

But you know, Miss, he's rich an' young, and such like cannot right understand the thoughts of a poor old

woman such as me. But howsever, I did my best to do all as he bade me-but maybe I'm plaguing you, miss,

"Well, my rheumatiz got better-I know not whether wi' going to church or not, but one frosty Sunday I got

this cold i' my eyes. Th' inflammation didn't come on all at once like, but bit by bit-but I wasn't going to tell

you about my eyes, I was talking about my trouble o' mind;-and to tell the truth, Miss Grey, I don't think it

was anyways eased by coming to church-nought to speak on at least: I like got my health better; but that

didn't mend my soul. I hearkened and hearkened the ministers, and read an' read at my prayerbook, but it

was all like sounding brass and a tinkling cymbal: the sermons I couldn't understand, an' th' prayerbook only

served to shew me how wicked I was, that I could read such good words an' never be no better for it, and

oftens feel it a sore labour an' a heavy task beside, instead of a blessing and a privilege as all good christians

does. It seemed like as all were barren an' dark to me. And then, them dreadful words, 'Many shall seek to

"But one Sunday, when Maister Hatfield gave out about the sacrament, I noticed where he said, 'If there be

any of you that cannot quiet his own conscience, but requireth further comfort or counsel, let him come to

me, or some other discreet and learned minister of God's word, and open his grief!' So next Sunday morning,

afore service, I just looked in to th' vestry, an' began a talking to th' rector again ... I hardly could fashion to

take such a liberty, but I thought when my soul was at stake, I shouldn't stick at a trifle. But he said he hadn't

"'And, indeed,' says he, 'I've nothing to say to you, but what I've said before ... take the sacrament of course,

and go on doing your duty; if that won't serve you, nothing will. So don't bother me anymore.'

"So then, I went away. But I heard Maister Weston ... Maister Weston was there, Miss-this was his first

Sunday at Horton, you know, an' he was i' th' vestry in his surplice helping th' rector on with his gown."

"And I heard him ask Maister Hatfield who I was; an' he said, 'Oh! she's a canting old fool.'

"And I was very ill grieved, Miss Grey; but I went to my seat, and I tried to do my duty as afore time; but I

like got no peace. An' I even took the sacrament; but I felt as though I were eating an' drinking to my own

"But next day, afore I'd gotten fettled up-for indeed, Miss, I'd no heart to sweeping an' fettling, an' washing

pots; so I sat me down i' th' muck-who should come in but Maister Weston! I started siding stuff then, an'

sweeping an' doing; and I expected he'd begin a calling me for my idle ways as Maister Hatfield would a'

done; but I was mista'en: he only bid me good mornin' like, in a quiet dacent way. So I dusted him a chair, an'

fettled up th' fire place a bit; but I hadn't forgotten th' rector's words, so says I,

" 'I wonder sir, you should give yourself that trouble, to come so far to see a 'canting old fool,' such as me.

"He liked seemed taken aback at that; but he would fain persuade me 'at the rector was only in jest; and when

" 'Well, Nancy, you shouldn't think so much about it: Mr Hatfield was a little out of humour just then; you

know we're none of us perfect-even Moses spoke unadvisedly with his lips. But now sit down a minute, if

you can spare the time, and tell me all your doubts and fears; and I'll try to remove them.'

"So I sat me down anent him. He was quite a stranger you know Miss Grey, and even younger nor Maister

Hatfield, I believe; an' I had thought him not so pleasant looking as him, and rather a bit crossish, at first, to

look at; but he spake so civil like-and when th' cat, poor thing, jumped on to his knee, he only stroked her,

and gave a bit of a smile: so I thought that was a good sign; for once, when she did so to th' rector, he

knocked her off, like as it might be in scorn and anger, poor thing. But you can't expect a cat to know

"He said naught; but he listened to me as steady an' patient as could be, an' never a bit o' scorn about him; so I

"'Well,' says he, 'Mr Hatfield was quite right in telling you to persevere in doing your duty; but in advising

you to go to church and attend to the service, and so on, he didn't mean that was the whole of a christian's

duty; he only thought you might there learn what more was to be done, and be led to take delight in those

exercises, instead of finding them a task and a burden. And if you had asked him to explain those words that

trouble you so much, I think he would have told you that, if many shall seek to enter in at the strait gate and

shall not be able, it is their own sins that hinder them; just as a man with a large sack on his back might wish

to pass through a narrow doorway, and find it impossible to do so, unless, he would leave his sack behind

him. But you, Nancy, I dare say, have no sins that you would not gladly throw aside, if you knew how?'

"'Well,' says he, 'you know the first, and greatest commandment-and the second which is like unto it on

which two commandments hang all the law and the prophets? You say you cannot love God; but it strikes

me, that if you rightly consider who and what He is, you cannot help it. He is your father, your best friend;

every blessing, everything good, pleasant, or useful comes from him; and everything evil, everything you

have reason to hate, to shun, or to fear comes from Satan, His enemy as well as ours; and for this cause was

God manifest in the flesh, that he might destroy the works of the devil: in one word, God IS LOVE; and the

more of love we have within us, the nearer we are to him, and the more of his spirit we possess.'

"'Well, sir,' I said, 'if I can always think on these things, I think I might well love God; but how can I love my

"'It may seem a hard matter,' says he, 'to love our neighbours, who have so much of what is evil about them,

and whose faults so often awaken the evil that lingers within ourselves, but remember that He made them,

and He loves them; and whosoever loveth him that begat, loveth him that is begotten also. And if God so

loveth us that He gave His only begotten Son to die for us, we ought also to love one another. But if you

cannot feel positive affection for those who do not care for you, you can at least, try to do to them as you

would they should do unto you; you can endeavour to pity their failings and excuse their offences, and to do

all the good you can to those about you. And if you accustom yourself to this, Nancy, the very effort itself

will make you love them in some degree-to say nothing of the goodwill your kindness would beget in them,

though they might have little else that is good about them. If we love God and wish to serve him, let us try to

be like Him, to do His work, to labour for His glory, which is the good of man, to hasten the coming of His

kingdom, which is the peace and happiness of all the world-however powerless we may seem to be, in doing

all the good we can through life, the humblest of us may do much towards it; and let us dwell in love, that He

may dwell in us, and we in Him. The more happiness we bestow, the more we shall receive, even here, and

"I believe, Miss, them is his very words, for I've thought 'em ower many a time. An' then he took that Bible,

an' read bits here and there, an' explained 'em as clear as the day: and it seemed like as a new light broke in on

my soul; an' I felt a fair glow about my heart, an' only wished poor Bill an' all the world could ha' been there

"After he was gone, Hannah Rogers, one o' th' neighbours came in and wanted me to help her to wash. I

telled her I couldn't just then, for I hadn't set on th' potaties for th' dinner, nor washed up th' breakfast stuff

yet. So then she began a calling me for my nasty idle ways. I was a little bit vexed at first; but I never said

nothing wrong to her: I only telled her, like all in a quiet way, 'at I'd had th' new parson to see me; but I'd get

done as quick as ever I could, an' then come an' help her. So then she softened down; and my heart like as it

"An' so it is, Miss Grey, 'a soft answer turneth away wrath; but grievous words stir up anger.' It isn't only in

"Yes, many a time; and since my eyes has been so bad, he's sat an' read to me by the half hour together; but

you know, Miss, he has other folks to see, and other things to do-God bless him! An' that next Sunday he

preached such a sermon! His text was, 'Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give

you rest,' and them two blessed verses that follows. You wasn't there, Miss, you was with your friends

then-but it made me so happy! And I am happy now, thank God! an' I take a pleasure, now, in doing little bits

o' jobs for my neighbours-such as a poor old body 'at's half blind can do ... and they take it kindly of me, just

as he said. You see, Miss, I'm knitting a pair o' stockings now:-they're for Thomas Jackson: he's a queerish

old body, an' we've had many a bout at threaping one anent t' other; an' at times we've differed sorely. So I

thought I couldn't do better nor knit him a pair o' warm stockings; an' I've felt to like him a deal better, poor

"Well, I'm very glad to see you so happy, Nancy, and so wise: but I must go now; I shall be wanted at the

Hall," said I; and bidding her good bye, I departed, promising to come again when I had time, and feeling

At another time, I went to read to a poor labourer who was in the last stage of a consumption. The young

ladies had been to see him, and somehow, a promise of reading had been extracted from them; but it was too

much trouble, so they begged me to do it instead. I went, willingly enough, and there too I was gratified with

the praises of Mr Weston, both from the sick man and his wife. The former told me that he derived great

comfort and benefit, from the visits of the new parson, who frequently came to see him, and was "another

guess sort of man" to Mr Hatfield; who before the other's arrival at Horton, had now and then paid him a

visit; on which occasions, he would always insist upon having the cottage door kept open to admit the fresh

air for his own convenience, without considering how it might injure the sufferer: and having opened his

prayerbook, and hastily read over a part of the service for the sick, would hurry away again, if he did not

stay to administer some harsh rebuke to the afflicted wife, or to make some thoughtless, not to say heartless,

observation rather calculated to increase than diminish the troubles of the suffering pair.

"Whereas," said the man, "Maister Weston 'ull pray with me quite in a different fashion, an' talk to me as kind

"Just for all the world!" exclaimed his wife; "an' about three wik sin', when he seed how poor Jem shivered

wi' cold, an' what pitiful fires we kept, he axed if wer stock of coals was nearly done. I telled him it was, an'

we was ill set to get more-but you know mum I didn't think o' him helping us-but howsever, he sent us a sack

o' coals next day; an' we've had good fires ever sin'; an' a great blessing it is, this winter time. But that's his

way, Miss Grey-when he comes into a poor body's house a seein' sick folk, he like notices what they most

stand i' need on; an' if he thinks they can't readily get it therseln, he never says nowt about it, but just gets it

for 'em:-an' it isn't everybody 'at 'ud do that, 'at has as little as he has; for you know mum, he's nowt at all to

I remembered then, with a species of exultation, that he had frequently been styled a vulgar brute by the

amiable Miss Murray, because he sported a silver watch, and clothes not quite so bright and fresh as Mr

In returning to the lodge, I felt very happy, and thanked God that I had now something to think about,

something to dwell on as a relief from the weary monotony, the lonely drudgery of my present life-for I was

lonely-never, from month to month, from year to year, except during my brief intervals of rest at home, did I

see one creature to whom I could open my heart, or freely speak my thoughts with any hope of sympathy, or

even comprehension; never one, unless it were poor Nancy Brown, with whom I could enjoy a single moment

of real social intercourse, or whose conversation was calculated to render me better, wiser, or happier than

before; or who, as far as I could see, could be greatly benefited by mine. My only companions had been

unamiable children, and ignorant, wrongheaded girls, from whose fatiguing folly, unbroken solitude was

often a relief most earnestly desired, and dearly prized. But to be restricted to such associates was a serious

evil, both in its immediate effects, and the consequences that were likely to ensue.

Never a new idea or a stirring thought came to me from without; and such as rose within me were, for the

most part, miserably crushed at once, or doomed to sicken and fade away, because they could not see the

Habitual associates are known to exercise a great influence over each other's minds and manners. Those

whose actions are for ever before our eyes, whose words are ever in our ears, will naturally lead us, albeit

against our will-slowly-gradually-imperceptibly, perhaps, to act and speak as they do. I will not presume to

say how far this irresistible power of assimilation extends; but if one civilized man were doomed to pass a

dozen years amid a race of intractable savages, unless he had power to improve them, I greatly question

whether, at the close of that period, he would not have become, at least, a barbarian himself. And I, as I could

not make my young companions better, feared exceedingly that they would make me worse-would gradually

bring my feelings, habits, capacities, to the level of their own; without, however, imparting to me their

lightheartedness and cheerful vivacity. Already, I seemed to feel my intellect deteriorating, my heart

petrifying, my soul contracting, and I trembled lest my very moral perceptions should become deadened, my

distinctions of right and wrong confounded, and all my better faculties be sunk at last, beneath the baleful

influence of such a mode of life. The gross vapours of earth were gathering around me, and closing in upon

my inward heaven; and thus it was that Mr Weston rose, at length, upon me, appearing, like the morning star

in my horizon, to save me from the fear of utter darkness; and I rejoiced that I had now a subject for

contemplation, that was above me, not beneath. I was glad to see that all the world was not made up of

Bloomfields, Murrays, Hatfields, Ashbys, and that human excellence was not a mere dream of the

imagination. When we hear a little good and no harm of a person, it is easy and pleasant to imagine more-in

short, it is needless to analyze all my thoughts, but Sunday was now become a day of peculiar delight to me,

(I was now almost broken in to the back corner in the carriage,) for I liked to hear him-and I liked to see him

too, though I knew he was not handsome, or even, what is called, agreeable, in outward aspect, but, certainly,

In stature he was a little-a very little above the middle size; perfectly symmetrical in figure, deep chested, and

strongly built; the outline of his face would be pronounced too square for beauty, but, to me, it announced

decision of character; his dark brown hair was not carefully curled like Mr Hatfield's, but simply brushed

aside over a broad white forehead; the eyebrows, I suppose, were too projecting, but from under those dark

brows, there gleamed an eye of singular power, brown in colour, not large, and somewhat deepset, but

strikingly brilliant, and full of expression; there was character, too, in the mouth, something that bespoke a

man of firm purpose, and an habitual thinker, and when he smiled-but I will not speak of that yet, for, at the

time I mention, I had never seen him smile; and, indeed, his general appearance did not impress me with the

idea of a man given to such a relaxation, nor of such an individual as the cottagers described him. I had early

formed my opinion of him, and, in spite of Miss Murray's objurgations, was fully convinced that he was a

man of strong sense, firm faith, and ardent piety, but thoughtful and stern: and when I found that, to his other

good qualities, was added that of true benevolence, and gentle, considerate kindness, the discovery, perhaps,

THE next visit I paid to Nancy Brown, was in the second week in March, for, though I had many spare

minutes during the day, I seldom could look upon an hour as entirely my own, since, where everything was

left to the caprices of Miss Matilda and her sister, there could be no order or regularity, and whatever

occupation I chose, when not actually busied about them, or their concerns, I had, as it were, to keep my loins

girded, my shoes on my feet, and my staff in my hand; for, not to be immediately forthcoming when called

for, was regarded as a grave and inexcusable offence, not only by my pupils and their mother, but by the very

But this time, I was pretty sure of an hour or two to myself, for Matilda was preparing for a long ride, and

Rosalie was dressing for a dinner party at Lady Ashby's: so I took the opportunity of repairing to the widow's

cottage, where I found her in some anxiety about her cat, which had been absent all day. I comforted her with

"I'm feared o' th' gamekeepers," said she, "that's all 'at I think on. If th' young gentlemen had been at home, I

should a' thought they'd been setting their dogs at her, an' worried her, poor thing, as they did many a poor

Nancy's eyes were better, but still far from well: she had been trying to make a Sunday shirt for her son, but

told me she could only bear to do a little bit at it now and then; so that it progressed but slowly, though the

poor lad wanted it sadly. So I proposed to help her a little, after I had read to her, for I had plenty of time that

"An' you'll be a bit o' company for me too, Miss," said she; "I like as I feel lonesome without my cat."

But when I had finished reading, and done the half of a seam, with Nancy's capacious brass thimble fitted on

to my finger by means of a roll of paper, I was disturbed by the entrance of Mr Weston with the identical cat

"I've done you a piece of good service, Nancy," he began; then seeing me, he acknowledged my presence by

a slight bow. I should have been invisible to Hatfield, or any other gentleman of those parts. "I've delivered

your cat," he continued, "from the hands, or rather the gun of Mr Murray's gamekeeper."

"God bless you, sir!" cried the grateful old woman, ready to weep for joy as she received her favourite from

"Take care of it," said he, "and don't let it go near the rabbit warren, for the gamekeeper swears he'll shoot it

if he sees it there again. He would have done so today, if I had not been in time to stop him. I believe it is

raining, Miss Grey," added he, more quietly, observing that I had put aside my work and was preparing to

"You'll both stay while this shower gets owered," said Nancy, as she stirred the fire, and placed another chair

"I can see better here, thank you, Nancy," replied I, taking my work to the window, where she had the good

ness to suffer me to remain unmolested, while she got a brush to remove the cat's hairs from Mr Weston's

coat, carefully wiped the rain from his hat, and gave the cat its supper, busily talking all the time; now

thanking her clerical friend for what he had done; now wondering how the cat had found out the warren; and

now lamenting the probable consequences of such a discovery. He listened with a quiet, goodnatured smile,

and at length took a seat in compliance with her pressing invitations, but repeated that he did not mean to

"I have another place to go to," said he, "and I see" (glancing at the book on the table) "some one else has

"Yes, sir; Miss Grey has been as kind as read me a chapter; an' now she's helping me with a shirt for our

"No, thank you, Nancy, I'm quite warm. I must go as soon as this shower is over."

"Aw, Miss! You said you could stop while dusk!' cried the provoking old woman, and Mr Weston seized his

"No, you're not, Mr Weston," replied I, hoping there was no harm in a falsehood of that description.

"Miss Grey," said he, half jestingly, as if he felt it necessary to change the present subject, whether he had

anything particular to say or not, "I wish you would make my peace with the squire, when you see him. He

was by when I rescued Nancy's cat, and did not quite approve of the deed. I told him I thought he might better

spare all his rabbits than she her cat, for which audacious assertion, he treated me to some rather

"Oh lawful sir! I hope you didn't fall out wi' th' maister for sake o' my cat! he cannot bide answering

"Oh! it's no matter, Nancy: I don't care about it, really: I said nothing very uncivil; and I suppose Mr Murray

"And now, I really must go. I have to visit a place a mile beyond this; and you would not have me return in

the dark: besides, It has nearly done raining now-so good evening, Nancy.-Good evening, Miss Grey."

"Good evening, Mr Weston ... but don't depend upon me for making your peace with Mr Murray, for I never

"Don't you? it can't be helped then!" replied he in dolorous resignation: then, with a peculiar half smile, he

added, "But never mind; I imagine the squire has more to apologize for than I," and left the cottage.

I went on with my sewing as long as I could see, and then bid Nancy goodevening, checking her too lively

gratitude by the undeniable assurance, that I had only done for her, what she would have done for me, if she

had been in my place, and I in hers. I hastened back to Horton Lodge; where, having entered the

schoolroom, I found the teatable all in confusion, the tray flooded with slops, and Miss Matilda in a most

"Miss Grey, whatever have you been about? I've had tea half an hour ago, and had to make it myself, and

"How could I ride in the rain, I should like to know? That dd pelting shower was vexatious

enough-coming on when I was just in full swing; and then to come and find nobody in to tea!-and you know I

"I didn't think of the shower," replied I, (and, indeed, the thought of its driving her home had never entered

"No, of course, you were under shelter yourself, and you never thought of other people."

I bore her coarse reproaches with astonishing equanimity, even with cheerfulness; for I was sensible that I

had done more good to Nancy Brown than harm to her; and perhaps some other thoughts assisted to keep up

my spirits, and impart a relish to the cup of cold, overdrawn tea, and a charm to the otherwise unsightly table,

and-I had almost said-to Miss Matilda's unamiable face. But she soon betook herself to the stables, and left

MISS MURRAY now always went twice to church, for she so loved admiration that she could not bear to

lose a single opportunity of obtaining it; and she was so sure of it, wherever she showed herself, that whether

Harry Meltham and Mr Green were there or not, there was certain to be somebody present who would not be

insensible to her charms, besides the rector, whose official capacity generally obliged him to attend.

Usually, also, if the weather permitted, both she and her sister would walk home; Matilda, because she hated

the confinement of the carriage; she, because she disliked the privacy of it, and enjoyed the company that

generally enlivened the first mile of the journey in walking from the church to Mr Green's parkgates, near

which, commenced the private road to Horton Lodge, which lay in the opposite direction; while the highway

conducted, in a straight forward course to the still more distant mansion of Sir Hugh Meltham. Thus, there

was always a chance of being accompanied, so far, either by Harry Meltham with or without Miss Meltham,

or Mr Green, with perhaps one or both of his sisters, and any gentlemen visitors they might have.

Whether I walked with the young ladies or rode with their parents, depended upon their own capricious will:

if they chose to "take" me, I went; if, for reasons best known to themselves, they chose to go alone, I took my

seat in the carriage: I liked walking better, but a sense of reluctance to obtrude my presence on any one who

did not desire it, always kept me passive on these and similar occa sions; and I never inquired into the

causes of their varying whims. And indeed, this was the best policy-for to submit and oblige was the

governess's part, to consult their own pleasure was that of the pupils. But when I did walk, the first half of the

journey was generally a great nuisance to me. As none of the beforementioned ladies and gentlemen ever

noticed me, it was disagreeable to walk beside them, as if listening to what they said, or wishing to be

thought one of them, while they talked over me or across; and if their eyes, in speaking, chanced to fall on

me, it seemed as if they looked on vacancy-as if they either did not see me, or were very desirous to make it

It was disagreeable, too, to walk behind, and thus appear to acknowledge my own inferiority; for in truth, I

considered myself pretty nearly as good as the best of them, and wished them to know that I did so, and not to

imagine that I looked upon myself as a mere domestic, who knew her own place too well to walk beside such

fine ladies and gentlemen as they were ... though her young ladies might choose to have her with them, and

Thus-I am almost ashamed to confess it-but indeed I gave myself no little trouble in my endeavours (if I did

keep up with them) to appear perfectly unconscious or regardless of their presence, as if I were wholly

absorbed in my own reflections or the contemplation of surrounding objects; or if I lingered behind, it was

some bird or insect, some tree or flower, that attracted my attention, and having duly examined that, I would

pursue my walk alone, at a leisurely pace, until my pupils had bidden adieu to their companions, and turned

One such occasion I particularly well remember, it was a lovely afternoon about the close of March; Mr

Green and his sisters had sent their carriage back empty, in order to enjoy the bright sunshine and balmy air

in a sociable walk home along with their visitors, Captain Somebody and Lieutenant Somebody else (a

couple of military fops,) and the Misses Murray, who of course, contrived to join them.

Such a party was highly agreeable to Rosalie; but not finding it equally suitable to my taste, I presently fell

back, and began to botanize and entomologize along the green banks and budding hedges, till the company

was considerably in advance of me, and I could hear the sweet song of the happy lark: then my spirit of

misanthropy began to melt away beneath the soft, pure air and genial sunshine; but sad thoughts of early

childhood, and yearnings for departed joys, or for a brighter future lot, arose instead.

As my eyes wandered over the steep banks covered with young grass and greenleaved plants, and

surmounted by budding hedges, I longed intensely for some familiar flower that might recall the woody dales

or green hillsides of home-the brown moorlands, of course, were out of the question. Such a discovery

would make my eyes gush out with water, no doubt; but that was one of my greatest enjoyments now.

At length, I descried, high up between the twisted roots of an oak, three lovely primroses, peeping so sweetly

from their hidingplace that the tears already started at the sight, but they grew so high above me, that I tried

in vain to gather one or two to dream over and to carry with me; I could not reach them, unless I climbed the

bank, which I was deterred from doing by hearing a footstep, at that moment behind me, and was therefore,

about to turn away, when I was startled by the words, "Allow me to gather them for you, Miss Grey," spoken

Immediately the flowers were gathered, and in my hand. It was Mr Weston, of course-who else would trouble

I thanked him; whether warmly or coldly, I cannot tell: but certain I am, that I did not express half the

gratitude I felt. It was foolish perhaps, to feel any gratitude at all, but it seemed to me, at that moment, as if

this were a remarkable instance of his good nature, an act of kindness which I could not repay, but never

should forget: so utterly unaccustomed was I to receive such civilities, so little prepared to expect them-from

Yet this did not prevent me from feeling a little uncomfortable in his presence; and I proceeded to follow my

pupils at a much quicker pace than before; though perhaps, if Mr Weston had taken the hint, and let me pass

without another word, I might have repented it an hour after: but he did not. A somewhat rapid walk for me,

I slackened my pace; but next moment regretted having done so; my companion did not speak: and I had

nothing in the world to say, and feared he might be in the same predicament. At length, however, he broke

the pause by asking, with a certain quiet abruptness peculiar to himself if I liked flowers.

"I like wild flowers," said he; "others I don't care about, because I have no particular associations connected

"No, because, as you say, I have no particular associations connected with them; for there are no sweet

"It must be a great consolation to you to have a home, Miss Grey," observed my companion after a short

pause: "however remote, or however seldom visited, still it is something to look to."

"It is so much, that I think I could not live without it," replied I, with an enthusiasm of which I immediately

"Oh yes, you could!" said he with a thoughtful smile. "The ties that bind us to life are tougher than you

imagine, or than any one can, who has not felt how roughly they may be pulled without breaking. You might

be miserable without a home, but even you could live, and not so miserably as you suppose. The human heart

is like indiarubber, a little swells it, but great deal will not burst it. If 'little more than nothing' will disturb it,

'little less than all things will suffice,' to break it. As in the outer members of our frame, there is a vital power

inherent in itself, that strengthens it against external violence. Every blow that shakes it, will serve to harden

it against a future stroke; as constant labour thickens the skin of the hand, and strengthens its muscles instead

of wasting them away: so that a day of arduous toil that might excoriate a lady's palm, would make no

"I speak from experience-partly my own. There was a time when I thought as you do-at least, I was fully

persuaded that Home and its affections were the only things that made life tolerable ... that if deprived of

these, existence would become a burden hard to be endured; but now, I have no home ... unless you would

dignify my two hired rooms at Horton by such a name; ... and not twelve months ago, I lost the last and

dearest of my early friends: and yet, not only I live, but I am not wholly destitute of hope and comfort, even

for this life; though I must acknowledge that I can seldom enter even an humble cottage, at the close of day,

and see its inhabitants peaceably gathered around their cheerful hearth, without a feeling almost of envy at

"You don't know what happiness lies before you yet," said I, "you are now only in the commencement of

"The best of happiness," replied he, "is mine already ... the power and the will to be useful."

We now approached a stile communicating with a footpath that conducted to a farmhouse, where I suppose,

Mr Weston purposed to make himself "useful," for he presently took leave of me, crossed the stile, and

traversed the path with his usual firm, elastic tread, leaving me to ponder his words as I continued my course

I had heard before that he had lost his mother not many months before he came. She then, was the last and

dearest of his early friends; and he had no home. I pitied him from my heart; I almost wept for sympathy.

And this, I thought, accounted for the shade of premature thoughtfulness that so frequently clouded his brow,

and obtained for him the reputation of a morose and sullen disposition with the charitable Miss Murray and

"But," thought I, "he is not so miserable as I should be under such a deprivation: he leads an active life; and a

wide field for useful exertion lies before him, he can make friends-and he can make a home too, if he pleases,

and doubtless he will please some time; and God grant the partner of that home may be worthy of his choice,

and make it a happy one ... such a home as he deserves to have! And how delightful it would be to-" But no

I began this book with the intention of concealing no thing, that those who liked might have the benefit of

perusing a fellow creature's heart: but we have some thoughts that all the angels in heaven are welcome to

By this time the Greens had taken themselves to their own abode, and the Murrays had turned down the

private road, whither I hastened to follow them. I found the two girls lost in an animated discussion on the

respective merits of the two young officers; but on seeing me Rosalie broke off in the middle of a sentence to

"Oh ho, Miss Grey! you're come at last, are you? No wonder you lingered so long behind! and no wonder you

always stand up so vigorously for Mr Weston when I abuse him-Ah, ha! I see it all now!"

"Now come, Miss Murray, don't be foolish," said I attempting a goodnatured laugh, "you know such

But she still went on talking such intolerable stuff-her sister helping her with appropriate fiction coined for

the occasion-that I thought it necessary to say something in my own justification.

"What humbug all this is!" I exclaimed. "If Mr Weston's road happened to be the same as mine for a few

yards, and if he chose to exchange a word or two in passing, what is there so remarkable in that? I assure you

"Ah ha! you've met him there have you?" exclaimed Rosalie, with exultant laughter. "Ah! now Matilda, I've

found out why she's so fond of going to Nancy Brown's! she goes there to flirt with Mr Weston."

"Really that is not worth contradicting! ... I only saw him there once, I tell you ... and how could I know he

Irritated as I was at their foolish mirth and vexatious imputations, the uneasiness did not continue long: when

they had had their laugh out, they returned again to the Captain and Lieutenant; and, while they disputed and

commented upon them, my indignation rapidly cooled; the cause of it was quickly forgotten, and I turned my

Thus we proceeded up the park, and entered the hall; and as I ascended the stairs to my own chamber, I had

but one thought within me, my heart was filled to overflowing with one single earnest wish. Having entered

the room, and shut the door, I fell upon my knees and offered up a fervent but not impetuous prayer: "Thy

will be done," I strove to say throughout; but, "Father, all things are possible with Thee, and may it be thy

will," was sure to follow. That wish ... that prayer both men and women would have scorned me for ... "But

Father, Thou wilt not despise!" I said-and felt that it was true. It seemed to me, that another's welfare was at

least as ardently implored as my own-nay, even that that was the principal object of my heart's desire. I might

have been deceiving myself; but that idea gave me confidence to ask, and power to hope I did not ask in vain.

As for the primroses, I kept two of them in a glass in my room until they were completely withered, and the

housemaid threw them out, and the petals of the other, I pressed between the leaves of my bible-I have them

THE following day was as fine as the preceding one. Soon after breakfast, Miss Matilda, having gallopped

and blundered through a few unprofitable lessons, and vengeably thumped the piano for an hour, in a terrible

humour with both me and it, because her mama would not give her a holiday, had betaken herself to her

favorite places of resort, the yards, the stables, and the dogkennels: and Miss Murray, was gone forth to

enjoy a quiet ramble with a new fashionable novel for her companion, leaving me in the schoolroom, hard at

work upon a watercolour drawing I had promised to do for her, and which she insisted upon my finishing

At my feet lay a little rough terrier. It was the property of Miss Matilda; but she hated the animal, and

intended to sell it, alleging that it was quite spoiled. It was really an excellent dog of its kind; but she

affirmed it was fit for nothing, and had not even the sense to know its own mistress.

The fact was, she had purchased it when but a small puppy, insisting, at first, that no one should touch it but

herself; but, soon becoming tired of so helpless and troublesome a nursling, she had gladly yielded to my

entreaties to be allowed to take charge of it; and I, by carefully nursing the little creature from infancy to

adolescence, of course, had obtained its affections; a reward, I should have greatly valued and looked upon as

far outweighing all the trouble I had had with it, had not poor Snap's grateful feelings exposed him to many a

harsh word and many a spiteful kick and pinch from his owner, and were he not now in danger of being "put

away," in consequence, or transferred to some rough, stonyhearted master. But how could I help it? I could

not make the dog hate me by cruel treatment; and she would not propitiate him by kindness.

However, while I thus sat, working away with my pencil, Mrs Murray came, half sailing, half bustling, into

"Miss Grey," she began,-"Dear! how can you sit at your drawing such a day as this?" (she thought I was

doing it for my own pleasure.) "I wonder you don't put on your bonnet and go out with the young ladies."

"I think, ma'am, Miss Murray is reading; and Miss Matilda is amusing herself with her dogs."

"If you would try to amuse Miss Matilda yourself a little more, I think she would not be driven to seek

amusement in the companionship of dogs and horses, and grooms, so much as she is; and if you would be a

little more cheerful and conversable with Miss Murray, she would not so often go wandering in the fields

with a book in her hand. However, I don't want to vex you," added she, seeing I suppose, that my cheeks

burned and my hand trembled with some unamiable emotion. "Do, pray, try not to be so touchy!-there's no

speaking to you else. And tell me if you know where Rosalie is gone: and why she likes to be so much

"But why can't she read it in the park or the garden;-why should she go into the fields and lanes? and how is it

that that Mr Hatfield so often finds her out? She told me last week he'd walked his horse by her side all up

Mosslane; and now I'm sure it was he I saw from my dressingroom window, walking so briskly past the

park gates, and on towards the field where she so frequently goes. I wish you would go and see if she is there;

and just gently remind her that it is not proper for a young lady of her rank and prospects to be wandering

about by herself in that manner, exposed to the attentions of any one that presumes to address her; like some

poor neglected girl that has no park to walk in, and no friends to take care of her; and tell her that her papa

would be extremely angry if he knew of her treating Mr Hatfield in that familiar manner that I fear she does;

and-Oh! if you-if any governess had but half a mother's watchfulness-half a mother's anxious care, I should

be saved this trouble; and you would see at once the necessity of keeping your eye upon her, and making your

company agreeable to-Well, go-go; there's no time to be lost," cried she, seeing that I had put away my

drawing materials, and was waiting in the doorway for the conclusion of her address.

According to her prognostications, I found Miss Murray in her favourite field just without the park; and,

unfortunately, not alone; for the tall, stately figure of Mr Hatfield was slowly sauntering by her side.

Here was a poser for me. It was my duty to interrupt the t�te�t�te: but how was it to be done? Mr Hatfield

could not be driven away by so insignificant a person as I; and to go and place myself on the other side of

Miss Murray, and intrude my unwelcome presence upon her without noticing her companion, was a piece of

rudeness I could not be guilty of: neither had I the courage to cry aloud from the top of the field that she was

wanted elsewhere. So I took the intermediate course of walking slowly, but steadily towards them, resolving,

if my approach failed to scare away the beau, to pass by and tell Miss Murray her mama wanted her.

She certainly looked very charming as she strolled lingering along under the budding horsechestnut trees

that stretched their long arms over the parkpalings, with her closed book in one hand, and in the other, a

graceful sprig of myrtle which served her as a very pretty plaything ... her bright ringlets escaping profusely

from her little bonnet, and gently stirred by the breeze, her fair cheek flushed with gratified vanity, her

smiling blue eyes, now slyly glancing towards her admirer, now gazing downward at her myrtle sprig. But

Snap, running before me, interrupted her in the middle of some half pert, half playful repartee, by catching

hold of her dress and vehemently tugging thereat; till Mr Hatfield, with his cane administered a resounding

thwack upon the animal's skull, and sent it yelping back to me, with a clamorous outcry that afforded the

reverend gentleman great amusement; but seeing me so near, he thought, I suppose, he might as well be

taking his departure; and as I stooped to caress the dog, with ostentatious pity to show my disapproval of his

"At church, I suppose," replied she, "unless your business chances to bring you here again, at the precise

"I could always manage to have business here, if I knew precisely when and where to find you."

"But if I would, I could not inform you, for I am so immethodical, I never can tell today what I shall do

"Then give me that, meantime, to comfort me," said he, half jestingly and half in earnest, extending his hand

"Do! Pray do! I shall be the most miserable of men if you don't. You cannot be so cruel as to deny me a

favour so easily granted, and yet so highly prized!" pleaded he as ardently as if his life depended on it.

By this time I stood within a very few yards of them, impatiently waiting his departure.

He joyfully received the gift, murmured something that made her blush and toss aside her head, but with a

little laugh that shewed her displeasure was entirely affected; and then with a courteous salutation withdrew.

"Did you ever see such a man, Miss Grey?" said she turning to me, "I'm so glad you came! I thought I never

"No; not long, but he's so extremely impertinent: and he's always hanging about, pretending his business or

his clerical duties require his attendance in these parts, and really watching for poor me, and pouncing upon

"Well, your mama thinks you ought not to go beyond the park or garden without some discreet, matronly

person like me to accompany you, and keep off all intruders. She descried Mr Hatfield hurrying past the

parkgates, and forthwith dispatched me with instructions to seek you up and to take care of you, and

"Oh, mama's so tiresome! As if I couldn't take care of myself! She bothered me before about Mr Hatfield; and

I told her she might trust me-I never should forget my rank and station for the most delightful man that ever

breathed.-I wish he would go down on his knees tomorrow, and implore me to be his wife; that I might just

shew her how mistaken she is in supposing that I could ever-Oh! it provokes me so-To think that I could be

such a fool as to fall in love! It is quite beneath the dignity of a woman to do such a thing. Love! I detest the

word! as applied to one of our sex, I think it a perfect insult! a preference I might acknowledge; but never for

one like poor Mr Hatfield, who has not seven hundred a year to bless himself with. I like to talk to him,

because he's so clever and amusing-I wish Sir Thomas Ashby were half as nice-besides, I must have

somebody to flirt with, and no one else has the sense to come here; and when we go out, mama won't let me

flirt with anybody but Sir Thomas-if he's there, and if he's not there, I'm bound hand and foot, for fear

somebody should go and make up some exaggerated story, and put it into his head that I'm engaged, or likely

to be engaged to somebody else; or, what is more probable, for fear his nasty old mother should see, or hear

of my ongoings, and conclude that I'm not a fit wife for her excellent son; as if the said son were not the

greatest scamp in Christendom; and as if any woman of common decency were not a world too good for

"Is it really so, Miss Murray? and does your mama know it, and yet wish you to marry him?"

"To be sure she does! She knows more against him than I do, I believe: she keeps it from me lest I should be

discouraged; not knowing how little I care about such things. For it's no great matter, really: he'll be all right

when he's married, as mama says; and reformed rakes make the best husbands, every body knows. I only

wish he were not so ugly-that's all I think about-but then there's no choice here in the country, and papa will

"And so he would, if he were lord of Ashby Park-there's not a doubt of it; but the fact is, I must have Ashby

"But Mr Hatfield thinks you like him all this time; you don't consider how bitterly he will be disappointed

"No indeed! It will be a proper punishment for his presumption-for ever daring to think I could like him. I

"No;-I tell you, I like to amuse myself with him. Besides, he doesn't really think I like him. I take good care

of that; you don't know how cleverly I manage. He may presume to think he can induce me to like him, for

"Well, mind you don't give too much reason for such presumption-that's all," replied I.

But all my exhortations were in vain: they only made her somewhat more solicitous to disguise her wishes

and her thoughts from me. She talked no more to me about the rector; but I could see that her mind, if not her

heart, was fixed upon him still, and that she was intent upon obtaining another interview; for though, in

compliance with her mother's request, I was now constituted the companion of her rambles for a time, she

still persisted in wandering in the fields and lanes that lay in the nearest proximity to the road; and, whether

she talked to me, or read the book she carried in her hand, she kept continually pausing to look round her, or

gaze up the road to see if any one was coming; and if a horseman trotted by, I could tell by her unqualified

abuse of the poor equestrian whoever he might be, that she hated him because, he was not Mr Hatfield.

"Surely," thought I, "she is not so indifferent to him as she believes herself to be, or would have others to

believe her; and her mother's anxiety is not so wholly causeless as she affirms."

Three days passed away, and he did not make his appearance. On the afternoon of the fourth, as we were

walking beside the park palings in the memorable field, each furnished with a book (for I always took care to

provide myself with something to be doing when she did not require me to talk), she suddenly interrupted my

"Oh, Miss Grey! do be so kind as to go and see Mark Wood, and take his wife half a crown from me-I should

have given or sent it a week ago, but quite forgot. There!" said she, throwing me her purse, and speaking very

fast "Never mind getting it out now, but take the purse and give them what you like-I would go with you,

but I want to finish this volume. I'll come and meet you when I've done it. Be quick, will you-and-Oh, wait;

Hadn't you better read to him a bit? Run to the house and get some sort of a good book-Anything will do."

I did as I was desired; but, suspecting something from her hurried manner and the suddenness of the request, I

just glanced back before I quitted the field, and there was Mr Hatfield about to enter at the gate below. By

sending me to the house for a book, she had just prevented my meeting him on the road.

"Never mind!" thought I, "there'll be no great harm done. Poor Mark will be glad of the halfcrown, and

perhaps of the good book too; and if the rector does steal Miss Rosalie's heart, it will only humble her pride a

little; and if they do get married at last, it will only save her from a worse fate; and she will be quite a good

Mark Wood was the consumptive labourer whom I mentioned before. He was now rapidly wearing away.

Miss Murray, by her liberality, obtained literally the blessing of him that was ready to perish; for though the

halfcrown could be of very little service to him, he was glad of it for the sake of his wife and children, so

After I had sat a few minutes, and read a little for the comfort and edification of himself and his afflicted

wife, I left them; but I had not proceeded fifty yards before I encountered Mr Weston, apparently on his way

He greeted me in his usual quiet, unaffected way, stopped to inquire about the condition of the sick man and

his family, and with a sort of unconscious, brotherly disregard to ceremony, took from my hand the book out

of which I had been reading, turned over the pages, made a few brief, but very sensible remarks, and restored

it; then told me about some poor sufferer he had just been visiting, talked a little about Nancy Brown, made a

few observations upon my little rough friend the terrier, that was frisking at his feet, and finally upon the

I have omitted to give a detail of his words, from a notion that they would not interest the reader as they did

me, and not because I have forgotten them. No; I remember them well; for I thought them over and over

again in the course of that day and many succeeding ones, I know not how often; and recalled every

intonation of his deep, clear voice, every flash of his quick, brown eye, and every gleam of his pleasant, but

too transient smile. Such a confession will look very absurd, I fear-but no matter-I have written it; and they

While I was walking along, happy within, and pleased with all around, Miss Murray came hastening to meet

me; her buoyant step, flushed cheek, and radiant smiles shewing that she, too, was happy, in her own way.

Running up to me, she put her arm through mine, and without waiting to recover breath, began-

"Now, Miss Grey, think yourself highly honoured, for I'm come to tell you my news before I've breathed a

"Oh, such news! In the first place, you must know that Mr Hatfield came upon me just after you were gone. I

was in such a way for fear papa or mama should see him!-but you know I couldn't call you back again; and so

I-Oh, dear! I can't tell you all about it now, for there's Matilda, I see, in the park, and I must go and open my

budget to her. But however, Hatfield was most uncommonly audacious, unspeakably complimentary, and

unprecedentedly tender-tried to be so, at least-he didn't succeed very well in that, because it's not his vein. I'll

"I'll tell you that, too, at some future period. I happened to be in a very good humour just then; but, though I

was complaisant and gracious enough, I took care not to compromise myself in any possible way. But,

however, the conceited wretch chose to interpret my amiability of temper in his own way, and at length

presumed upon my indulgence so far, that-what do you think?-he actually-made me an offer!"

"I proudly drew myself up, and with the greatest coolness expressed my astonishment at such an occurrence,

and hoped he had seen nothing in my conduct to justify his expectations. You should have seen how his

countenance fell! He went perfectly white in the face. I assured him that I esteemed him and all that, but

could not possibly accede to his proposals; and if I did, papa and mama could never be brought to give their

"'Certainly, Mr Hatfield," I replied with a cool decision which quelled all hope at once. Oh, if you had seen

how dreadfully mortified he was-how crushed to the earth by his disappointment! really, I almost pitied him

"One more desperate attempt, however, he made. After a silence of considerable duration, during which he

struggled to be calm, and I to be grave-for I felt a strong pro pensity to laugh-which would have ruined

"'But tell me plainly, Miss Murray; if I had the wealth of Sir Hugh Meltham, or the prospects of his eldest

"It was a great lie, but he looked so confident in his own attractions still, that I determined not to leave him

one stone upon another. He looked me full in the face; but I kept my countenance so well that he could not

"'Then it's all over, I suppose,' he said, looking as if he could have died on the spot with vexation and the

intensity of his despair. But he was angry as well as disappointed. There was he, suffering so unspeakably,

and there was I, the pitiless cause of it all, so utterly impenetrable to all the artillery of his looks and words,

so calmly cold and proud, he could not but feel some resentment; and with singular bitterness he began,

"'I certainly did not expect this, Miss Murray. I might say something about your past conduct, and the hopes

"'Then let me beg it as a favour,' he replied, lowering his voice at once, and taking a humbler tone; 'let me

entreat that you will not mention this affair to any one whatever. If you will keep silence about it, there need

be no unpleasantness on either side-nothing, I mean beyond what is quite unavoidable, for my own feelings, I

will endeavour to keep to myself, if I cannot annihilate; I will try to forgive, if I cannot forget the cause of my

sufferings. I will not suppose, Miss Murray, that you know how deeply you have injured me. I would not

have you aware of it; but if, in addition to the injury you have already done me-pardon me; but whether

innocently or not, you have done it-and if you add to it by giving publicity to this unfortunate affair, or

naming it at all, you will find that I too can speak; and though you scorned my love, you will hardly scorn

"He stopped, but he bit his bloodless lip, and looked so terribly fierce that I was quite frightened. However,

"'I do not know what motive you suppose I could have for naming it to any one, Mr Hatfield; but if I were

disposed to do so, you would not deter me by threats; and it is scarcely the part of a gentleman to attempt it."

"'Pardon me, Miss Murray,' said he, 'I have loved you so intensely-I do still adore you so deeply, that I would

not willingly offend you; but though I never have loved, and never can love any woman as I have loved you,

it is equally certain that I never was so illtreated by any. On the contrary, I have always found your sex the

kindest, and most tender and obliging of God's creation, till now.' (Think of the conceited fellow saying that!)

'And the novelty and harshness of the lesson you have taught me today, and the bitterness of being

disappointed in the only quarter on which the happiness of my life depended, must excuse any appearance of

asperity. If my presence is disagreeable to you, Miss Murray,' he said (for I was looking about me to show

how little I cared for him, so he thought I was tired of him, I suppose,) 'if my presence is disagreeable to you,

Miss Murray, you have only to promise me the favour I named, and I will relieve you at once. There are

many ladies some even in this parish-who would be delighted to accept what you have so scornfully

trampled under your feet. They would be naturally inclined to hate one whose surpassing loveliness has so

completely estranged my heart from them and blinded me to their attractions; and a single hint of the truth

from me to one of these, would be sufficient to raise such a talk against you as would seriously injure your

prospects, and diminish your chance of success with any other gentleman you, or your mama might design to

"'I mean that this affair from beginning to end appears to me like a case of arrant-flirtation, to say the least of

it such a case as you would find it rather inconvenient to have blazoned through the world-especially with

the additions and exaggerations of your female rivals, who would be too glad to publish the matter, if I only

gave them a handle to it. But I promise you, on the faith of a gentleman, that no word or syllable that could

"'Well, well, I won't mention it,' said I, 'You may rely upon my silence, if that can afford you any

"'Farewell, then!' said he, in a most doleful heartsick tone; and with a look where pride vainly struggled

against despair, he turned and went away, longing, no doubt, to get home, that he might shut himself up in his

"But you have broken your promise already," said I, truly horrified at her perfidy.

"Certainly, I shall not; but you say you were going to tell your sister; and she will tell your brothers when

they come home, and Brown immediately, if you do not tell her your self, and Brown will blazon it, or be

"No, indeed, she won't-We shall not tell her at all, unless it be under the promise of the strictest secrecy."

"But how can you expect her to keep her promises better than her more enlightened mistress?"

"But you will tell your mamma, of course," pursued I; "and she will tell your papa."

"Of course, I shall tell mamma, that is the very thing that pleases me so much. I shall now be able to convince

"Yes; and another thing is, that I've humbled Mr Hatfield so charmingly; and another-why, you must allow

me some share of female vanity; I don't pretend to be without that most essential attribute of our sex-and if

you had seen poor Hatfield's intense eagerness of making his ardent declaration and his flattering proposal,

and his agony of mind, that no effort of pride could conceal, on being refused, you would have allowed I had

"Oh, nonsense!" cried the young lady, shaking herself with vexation. "You either can't understand me or you

won't. If I had not confidence in your magnanimity, I should think you envied me. But you will perhaps

comprehend this cause of pleasure-which is as great as any-namely, that I am delighted with myself for my

prudence, my selfcommand, my heartlessness, if you please; I was not a bit taken by surprise, not a bit

confused, or awkward, or foolish; I just acted and spoke as I ought to have done, and was completely my own

mistress throughout. And here was a man, decidedly goodlooking-Jane and Susan Green call him

bewitchingly handsome-I suppose they're two of the ladies he pretends would be so glad to have him-but,

however, he was certainly a very clever, witty, agreeable companion-not what you call clever, but just

enough to make him entertaining; and a man one needn't be ashamed of anywhere, and would not soon grow

tired of; and-,to confess the truth, I rather liked him-better even, of late, than Harry Meltham-and he evidently

idolized me; and yet, though he came upon me all alone and unprepared, I had the wisdom, and the pride, and

the strength to refuse him-and so scornfully and coolly as I did: I have good reason to be proud of that!"

"And are you equally proud of having told him that his having the wealth of Sir Hugh Meltham would make

no difference to you when that was not the case; and of having promised to tell no one of his misadventure,

"Of course! what else could I do? You would not have had me-but I see, Miss Grey, you're not in a good

She left me, offended at my want of sympathy, and thinking, no doubt, that I envied her. I did not at least, I

firmly believe I did not. I was sorry for her; I was amazed, disgusted at her heartless vanity; I wondered why

so much beauty should be given to those who made so bad a use of it, and denied to some who would make it

But, God knows best, I concluded. There are, I suppose, some men as vain, as selfish, and as heartless as she

"O DEAR! I wish Hatfield had not been so precipitate!" said Rosalie next day at four p.m., as, with a

portentous yawn, she laid down her worstedwork and looked listlessly towards the window.

"There's no inducement to go out now; and nothing to look forward to. The days will be so long and dull

when there are no parties to enliven them; and there are none this week, or next either, that I know of."

"Pity you were so cross to him," observed Matilda, to whom: this lamentation was addressed. "He'll never

come again; and I suspect you liked him after all. I hoped you would have taken him for your beau, and left

"Humph! my beau must be an Adonis, indeed, Matilda, the admired of all beholders, if I am to be contented

with him alone. I'm sorry to lose Hatfield, I confess; but the first decent man, or number of men that come to

supply his place will be more than welcome. It's Sunday tomorrow-I do wonder how he'll look, and whether

he'll be able to go through the service. Most likely he'll pretend he's got a cold and make Mr Weston do it

"Not he!" exclaimed Matilda, somewhat contemptuously. "Fool as he is, he's not so soft as that comes to."

Her sister was slightly offended; but the event proved Matilda. was right. The disappointed lover performed

his pastoral duties as usual. Rosalie, indeed, affirmed he looked very pale and dejected: he might be a little

paler, but the difference, if any, was scarcely perceptible. As for his dejec tion, I certainly did not hear his

laugh ringing from the vestry as usual, nor his voice loud in hilarious discourse, though I did hear it uplifted

in rating the sexton in a manner that made the congregation stare; and in his transits to and from the pulpit

and the communiontable, there was more of solemn pomp, and less of that irreverent, selfconfident, or

rather selfdelighted imperiousness with which he usually swept along-that air that seemed to say, "You all

reverence and adore me I know; but if any one does not, I defy him to the teeth!"

But the most remarkable change was that he never once suffered his eyes to wander in the direction of Mr

Mr Hatfield had doubtless received a very severe blow; but his pride impelled him to use every effort to

conceal the effects of it. He had been disappointed in his certain hope of obtaining not only a beautiful and, to

him, highly attractive wife, but one whose rank and fortune might give brilliance to far inferior charms: he

was likewise, no doubt, intensely mortified by his repulse, and deeply offended at the conduct of Miss

It would have given him no little consolation to have known how disappointed she was to find him apparently

so little moved, and to see that he was able to refrain from casting a single glance at her throughout both the

services, though, she declared, it showed he was thinking of her all the time, or his eyes would have fallen

upon her, if it were only by chance; but if they had so chanced to fall, she would have affirmed it was because

they could not resist the attraction. It might have pleased him too, in some degree, to have seen how dull and

dissatisfied she was throughout that week, (the greater part of it, at least,) for lack of her usual source of

excitement; and how often she regretted having "used him up so soon," like a child that, having devoured its

plumcake too hastily, sits sucking its fingers, and vainly lamenting its greediness.

At length, I was called upon, one fine morning, to accompany her in a walk to the village. Ostensibly she

went to get some shades of Berlin wool at a tolerably respectable shop that was chiefly supported by the

ladies of the vicinity: really-I trust there is no breach of charity in supposing, that she went with the idea of

meeting with either the rector himself, or some other admirer by the way; for as we went along, she kept

wondering "what Hatfield would do or say, if we met him," as we passed Mr Green's parkgates, she

"wondered whether he was at home-great stupid blockhead;" as Lady Meltham's carriage passed us, she

"wondered what Mr Harry was doing this fine day;" and then began to abuse his elder brother for being "such

"Yes, because it's so dull here; but then he makes it still duller by taking himself off; and if he were not

Then, observing the prints of a horse's feet on the somewhat miry road, she "wondered whether it was a

gentleman's horse," and finally concluded it was, for the impressions were too small to have been made by a

"great, clumsy carthorse;" and then she "wondered who the rider could be," and whether we should meet

him coming back, for she was sure he had only passed that morning; and lastly, when we entered the village

and saw only a few of its humble inhabitants moving about, she "wondered why the stupid people couldn't

keep in their houses; she was sure she didn't want to see their ugly faces, and dirty, vulgar clothes-it wasn't

Amid all this, I confess, I wondered too, in secret, whe ther we should meet, or catch a glimpse of

somebody else; and as we passed his lodgings, I even went so far as to wonder whether he was at the

On entering the shop, Miss Murray desired me to stand in the doorway while she transacted her business, and

tell her if anyone passed. But alas! there was no one visible besides the villagers, except Jane and Susan

"Stupid things!" muttered she, as she came out after having concluded her bargain. "Why couldn't they have

She greeted them, however, with a cheerful smile, and protestations of pleasure at the happy meeting equal to

their own. They placed themselves one on each side of her; and all three walked away chatting and laughing

as young ladies do when they get together, if they be but on tolerably intimate terms. But I, feeling myself to

be one too many, left them to their merriment and lagged behind, as usual on such occasions: I had no relish

for walking beside Miss Green or Miss Susan like one deaf and dumb, who could neither speak nor be spoken

But this time I was not long alone. It struck me, at first, as very odd, that just as I was thinking about Mr

Weston he should come up and accost me; but afterwards, on due reflection, I thought there was nothing odd

about it, unless it were the fact of his speaking to me, for, on such a morning, and so near his own abode, it

was natural enough that he should be about; and as for my thinking of him, I had been doing that, with little

intermission, ever since we set out on our journey; so there was nothing remarkable in that.

"Well, I suppose they are lively, goodtempered girls; but I imagine you must know them better than I do,

"Very likely they are not so to people of their own class; but they consider themselves as moving in quite a

"I suppose it's these things, Miss Grey, that make you think you could not live without a home?"

"Not exactly. The fact is I am too socially disposed to be able to live contentedly without a friend, and as the

only friends I have, or am likely to have, are at home, if it-or rather, if they were gone-I will not say I could

"But why do you say the only friends you are likely to have? Are you so unsociable that you cannot make

"No, but I never made one yet; and in my present position there is no possibility of doing so, or even of

forming a common acquaintance. The fault may be partly in myself, but I hope not altogether."

"The fault is partly in society, and partly, I should think, in your immediate neighbours, and partly, too, in

yourself; for many ladies, in your position, would make themselves be noticed and accounted of. But your

pupils should be companions for you in some degree; they cannot be many years younger than yourself."

"Oh yes, they are good company sometimes; but I can not call them friends, nor would they think of

bestowing such a name on me-they have other companions better suited to their tastes."

"Perhaps you are too wise for them. How do you amuse yourself when alone-do you read much?"

"Reading is my favourite occupation when I have leisure for it, and books to read."

From speaking of books in general, he passed to different books in particular, and proceeded by rapid

transitions from topic to topic, till several matters, both of taste and opinion, had been discussed considerably

within the space of half an hour, but without the embellishment of many observations from himself; he being

evidently less bent upon communicating his own thoughts and predilections, than on discovering mine. He

had not the tact or the art to effect such a purpose by skilfully drawing out my sentiments or ideas through the

real or apparent statement of his own, or leading the conversation by imperceptible gradations to such topics

as he wished to advert to. But such gentle abruptness, and such singleminded straightforwardness could not

"And why should he interest himself at all in my moral and intellectual capacities: what is it to him what I

But Jane and Susan Green soon reached their home. As they stood parleying at the parkgates, attempting to

persuade Miss Murray to come in, I wished Mr Weston would go, that she might not see him with me when

she turned round; but, unfortunately, his business, which was to pay one more visit to poor Mark Wood, led

When, however, he saw that Rosalie had taken leave of her friends, and I was about to join her, he would

have left me and passed on at a quicker pace; but, as he civilly lifted his hat in passing her, to my surprise,

instead of returning the salute with a stiff, ungracious bow, she accosted him with one of her sweetest smiles,

and, walking by his side, began to talk to him with all imaginable cheerfulness and affability; and so we

After a short pause in the conversation, Mr Weston made some remark addressed particularly to me, as

referring to something we had been talking of before; but, before I could answer, Miss Murray replied to the

observation and enlarged upon it: he rejoined; and, from thence to the close of the interview, she engrossed

It might be partly owing to my own stupidity, my want of tact and assurance; but I felt myself wronged; I

trembled with apprehension; and I listened with envy to her easy, rapid flow of utterance, and saw with

anxiety the bright smile with which she looked into his face from time to time: for she was walking a little in

If her conversation was light and trivial, it was amusing, and she was never at a loss for something to say, or

for suitable words to express it in. There was nothing pert or flippant in her manner now, as when she walked

with Mr Hatfield; there was only a gentle, playful kind of vivacity, which I thought must be peculiarly

"I mean that he will go home and dream of me. I have shot him through the heart!"

"By many infallible proofs: more especially the look he gave me when he went away. It was not an impudent

look-I exonerate him from that-it was a look of reverential, tender adoration. Ha, ha! he's not quite such a

I made no answer, for my heart was in my throat, or something like it, and I could not trust myself to speak.

Miss Murray made several trivial observations as we passed up the park, to which, (in spite of my reluctance

to let one glimpse of my feelings appear,) I could only answer by monosyllables.

Whether she intended to torment me, or merely to amuse herself, I could not tell-and did not much care; but I

thought of the poor man and his one lamb, and the rich man with his thousand flocks; and I dreaded I knew

Right glad was I to get into the house, and find myself alone once more in my own room. My first impulse

was to sink into the chair beside the bed, and laying my head on the pillow, to seek relief in a passionate burst

of tears: there was an imperative craving for such an indulgence; but alas! I must restrain and swallow back

my feelings still: there was the bell-the odious bell for the schoolroom dinner; and I must go down with a

calm face, and smile, and laugh, and talk nonsense-yes, and eat, too, if possible, as if all was right, and I was

NEXT Sunday was one of the gloomiest of April days, a day of thick, dark clouds, and heavy showers. None

of the Murrays were disposed to attend church in the afternoon, excepting Rosalie: she was bent upon going

as usual; so she ordered the carriage, and I went with her, nothing loth of course, for at church I might look

without fear of scorn or censure upon a form and face more pleasing to me than the most beautiful of God's

creations; I might listen without disturbance to a voice more charming than the sweetest music to my ears; I

might seem to hold communion with that soul in which I felt so deeply interested, and imbibe its purest

thoughts and holiest aspirations, with no alloy to such felicity, except the secret reproaches of my conscience

which would too often whisper that I was deceiving my own self, and mocking God with the service of a

Sometimes, such thoughts would give me trouble enough; but sometimes I could quiet them with thinking,

"Whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are honest and of good report,

We do well to worship God in his works; and I know none of them in which so many of his attributes-so

much of his own spirit shines, as in this his faithful servant, whom to know and not to appreciate, were obtuse

Almost immediately after the conclusion of the service, Miss Murray left the church. We had to stand in the

porch; for it was raining, and the carriage was not yet come. I wondered at her coming forth so hastily, for

neither young Meltham nor Squire Green was there; but I soon found it was to secure an interview with Mr

Weston as he came out, which he presently did, and, having saluted us both, would have passed on, but she

detained him; first with observations upon the disagreeable weather, and then with asking if he would be so

kind as to come some time tomorrow to see the granddaughter of the old woman who kept the porter's

lodge, for the girl was ill of a fever, and wished to see him. He promised to do so.

"And at what time will you be most likely to come, Mr Weston? The old woman will like to know when to

expect you-you know such people think more about having their cottages in order when decent people come

Here was a wonderful instance of consideration from the thoughtless Miss Murray.

Mr Weston named an hour in the morning at which he would endeavour to be there. By this time the carriage

was ready, and the footman was waiting, with an open umbrella, to escort Miss Murray through the

churchyard. I was about to follow; but Mr Weston had an umbrella too, and offered me the benefit of its

"But you don't like it, I suppose?-an umbrella will do you no harm at any rate," he replied, with a smile that

showed he was not offended, as a man of worse temper or less penetration would have been at such a refusal

I could not deny the truth of his assertion, and so went with him to the carriage; he even offered me his hand

on getting in, an unnecessary piece of civility, but I accepted that too for fear of giving offence. One glance

he gave, one little smile at parting-it was but for a moment, but therein I read, or thought I read a meaning

"I would have sent the footman back for you, Miss Grey, if you'd waited a moment-you needn't to have taken

Mr Weston's umbrella," observed Rosalie, with a very unamiable cloud upon her pretty face.

"I would have come without an umbrella, but Mr Weston offered me the benefit of his and I could not have

refused it, more than I did, without offending him," replied I, smiling placidly, for my inward happiness made

The carriage was now in motion. Miss Murray bent forwards, and looked out of the window as we were

passing Mr Weston. He was pacing homewards along the causeway, and did not turn his head.

"Stupid ass!" cried she, throwing herself back again in the seat. "You don't know what you've lost by not

I made no answer. I saw she was out of humour, and I derived a secret gratification from the fact; not that she

was vexed, but that she thought she had reason to be so. It made me think my hopes were not entirely the

"I mean to take up Mr Weston instead of Mr Hatfield," said my companion after a short pause, resuming

something of her usual cheerfulness. "The ball at Ashby Park takes place on Tuesday you know; and mama

thinks it very likely that Sir Thomas will propose to me then-such things are often done in the privacy of the

ballroom, when gentlemen are most easily ensnared, and ladies most enchanting. But if I am to be married

so soon, I must make the best of the present time: I am determined Hatfield shall not be the only man who

shall lay his heart at my feet, and implore me to accept the worthless gift in vain."

"If you mean Mr Weston to be one of your victims," said I, with affected indifference, "you will have to make

such overtures yourself, that you will find it difficult to draw back when he asks you to fulfil the expectations

"I don't suppose he will ask me to marry him-nor should I desire it ... that would be rather too much

presumption! but I intend him to feel my power-he has felt it already, indeed-but he shall acknowledge it too;

and what visionary hopes he may have, he must keep to himself, and only amuse me with the result of

"Oh! that some kind spirit would whisper those words in his ear!" I inwardly exclaimed. I was far too

indignant to hazard a reply to her observation aloud; and nothing more was said about Mr Weston that day,

But next morning, soon after breakfast, Miss Murray came into the schoolroom where her sister was

employed with me at her studies ... or rather her lessons, for studies they were not ... and said,

"Oh, I can't, Rosalie! I have to give orders about my new bridle and saddlecloth, and speak to the

"No, I want you," said Rosalie; and calling her sister to the window, she whispered an explanation in her ear,

I remembered that eleven was the hour at which Mr Weston proposed to come to the porter's lodge; and

Accordingly, at dinner, I was entertained with a long account of how Mr Weston had overtaken them as they

were walking along the road; and how they had had a long walk and talk with him, and really found him quite

an agreeable companion; and how he must have been, and evidently was, delighted with them and their

AS I am in the way of confessions, I may as well acknowledge that, about this time, I paid more attention to

dress than ever I had done before ... this is not saying much, for hitherto I had been a little neglectful in that

particular ... but now, also, it was no uncommon thing to spend as much as two minutes in the contemplation

of my own image in the glass; though I never could derive any consolation from such a study: I could

discover no beauty in those marked features, that pale hollow cheek, and ordinary dark brown hair; there

might be intellect in the forehead, there might be expression in the dark grey eyes, but what of that? ... a low

Grecian brow and large black eyes devoid of sentiment would be esteemed far preferable.

It is foolish to wish for beauty. Sensible people never either desire it for themselves or care about it in others.

If the mind be but well cultivated, and the heart well disposed, no one ever cares for the exterior.

So said the teachers of our childhood; and so say we to the children of the present day. All very judicious and

We are naturally disposed to love what gives us pleasure, and what more pleasing than a beautiful face ...

when we know no harm of the possessor at least? A little girl loves her bird ... Why? ... Because it lives and

feels, because it is helpless and harmless. A toad, likewise, lives and feels, and is equally helpless and

harmless; but though she would not hurt a toad, she cannot love it like the bird with its graceful form, soft

feathers, and bright, speaking eyes. If a woman is fair and amiable, she is praised for both qualities, but

especially the former, by the bulk of mankind: if, on the other hand, she is disagreeable in person and

character, her plainness is commonly inveighed against as her greatest crime, because to common observers,

it gives the greatest offence; while, if she is plain and good, provided she is a person of retired manners and

secluded life, no one ever knows of her goodness, except her immediate connections; others, on the contrary,

are disposed to form unfavourable opinions of her mind and disposition, if it be but to excuse themselves for

their instinctive dislike of one so unfavoured by nature; and vice versa with her whose angel form conceals a

vicious heart, or sheds a false, deceitful charm over defects and foibles that would not be tolerated in another.

They that have beauty, let them be thankful for it, and make a good use of it, like any other talent: they that

have it not, let them console themselves, and do the best they can without it-certainly, though liable to be

overestimated, it is a gift of God, and not to be despised. Many will feel this, who have felt that they could

love, and whose hearts tell them that they are worthy to be loved again, while yet they are debarred, by the

lack of this, or some such seeming trifle from giving and receiving that happiness they seem almost made to

feel and to impart. As well might the humble glowworm despise that power of giving light, without which,

the roving fly might pass her and repass her a thousand times, and never light beside her: she might hear her

winged darling buzzing over and around her; he vainly seeking her, she longing to be found, but with no

power to make her presence known, no voice to call him, no wings to follow his flight; ... the fly must seek

Such were some of my reflections about this period. I might go on prosing more and more, I might dive much

deeper, and disclose other thoughts, propose questions the reader might be puzzled to answer, and deduce

arguments that might startle his prejudices, or perhaps provoke his ridicule, because he could not comprehend

Now, therefore, let us return to Miss Murray. She accompanied her mama to the ball on Tuesday; of course,

splendidly attired, and delighted with her prospects and her charms. As Ashby Park was nearly ten miles

distant from Horton Lodge, they had to set out pretty early, and I intended to have spent the evening with

Nancy Brown, whom I had not seen for a long time; but my kind pupil took care I should spend it neither

there nor anywhere else beyond the limits of the schoolroom by giving me a piece of music to copy, which

About eleven next morning, as soon as she had left her room, she came to tell me her news. Sir Thomas had

indeed proposed to her at the ball, an event which reflected great credit on her mama's sagacity, if not upon

her skill in contrivance; I rather incline to the belief that she had first laid her plans, and then predicted their

The offer had been accepted of course, and the bridegroom elect was coming that day to settle matters with

Rosalie was pleased with the thoughts of becoming mistress of Ashby Park; she was elated with the prospect

of the bridal ceremony and its attendant splendour and eclat, the honeymoon spent abroad, and the

subsequent gaieties she expected to enjoy in London and elsewhere; she appeared pretty well pleased too, for

the time being, with Sir Thomas himself, because she had so lately seen him, danced with him, and been

flattered by him; but, after all, she seemed to shrink from the idea of being so soon united: she wished the

ceremony to be delayed some months, at least; and I wished it too. It seemed a horrible thing to hurry on the

inauspicious match, and not to give the poor creature time to think and reason on the irrevocable step she was

about to take. I made no pretension to "a mother's watchful, anxious care," but I was amazed and horrified at

Mrs Murray's heartlessness, or want of thought for the real good of her child; and, by my unheeded warnings

and exhortations, I vainly strove to remedy the evil. Miss Murray only laughed at what I said; and I soon

found that her reluctance to an immediate union arose chiefly from a desire to do what execution she could

among the young gentlemen of her acquaintance before she was incapacitated from further mischief of the

kind. It was for this cause that, before confiding to me the secret of her engagement, she had extracted a

promise that I would not mention a word on the subject to any one. And when I saw this, and when I beheld

her plunge more recklessly than ever into the depths of heartless coquetry, I had no more pity for her.

"Come what will," I thought, "she deserves it. Sir Thomas cannot be too bad for her; and the sooner she is

The wedding was fixed for the first of June. Between that and the critical ball was little more than six weeks;

but, with Rosalie's accomplished skill and resolute exertion, much might be done, even within that period,

especially as Sir Thomas spent most of the interim in London, whither he went up, it was said, to settle affairs

He endeavoured to supply the want of his presence by a pretty constant fire of billetsdoux; but these did not

attract the neighbours' attention, and open their eyes as personal visits would have done; and old Lady

Ashby's haughty, sour spirit of reserve withheld her from spreading the news, while her indifferent health

prevented her coming to visit her future daughterinlaw; so that, altogether, this affair was kept far closer

Rosalie would sometimes show her lover's epistles to me to convince me what a kind, devoted husband he

would make. She shewed me the letters of another individual too, the unfortunate Mr Green, who had not the

courage, or, as she expressed it, the "spunk" to plead his cause in person, but whom one denial would not

He would not have done so if he could have seen the grimaces his fair idol made over his moving appeals to

her feelings, and heard her scornful laughter, and the opprobrious epithets she heaped upon him for his

"Oh, I don't want him to know that!" replied she. "If he knew it, his sisters and everybody would know it, and

then there would be an end of my-ahem-And besides, if I told him that, he would think my engagement was

the only obstacle, and that I would have him if I were free, which I could not bear that any man should think,

and he, of all others, at least. Besides, I don't care for his letters," she added, contemptuously; "he may write

as often as he pleases, and look as great a calf as he likes when I meet him; it only amuses me."

Meantime, young Meltham was pretty frequent in his visits to the house or transits past it; and, judging by

Matilda's execrations and reproaches, her sister paid more attention to him than civility required-in other

words she carried on as animated a flirtation as the presence of her parents would admit.

She made some attempts to bring Mr Hatfield once more to her feet; but finding them unsuccessful, she

repaid his haughty indifference with still loftier scorn, and spoke of him with as much disdain and detestation

But, amid all this, she never for a moment lost sight of Mr Weston. She embraced every opportunity of

meeting him, tried every art to fascinate him, and pursued him with as much perseverance as if she really

loved him-and no other, and the happiness of her life depended upon eliciting a return of affection. Such

conduct was completely beyond my comprehension. Had I seen it depicted in a novel I should have thought it

unnatural; had I heard it described by others, I should have deemed it a mistake or an exaggeration; but when

I saw it with my own eyes, and suffered from it too, I could only conclude that excessive vanity, like

drunkenness, hardens the heart, enslaves the faculties, and perverts the feelings, and that dogs are not the only

creatures which, when gorged to the throat, will yet gloat over what they cannot devour, and grudge the

She now became extremely beneficent to the poor cottagers. Her acquaintance among them was more widely

extended, her visits to their humble dwellings were more frequent and excursive than they had ever been

before. Hereby she earned among them the reputation of a condescending and very charitable young lady;

and their encomiums were sure to be repeated to Mr Weston, whom also, she had, thus, a daily chance of

meeting in one or other of their abodes, or in her transits to and fro; and often, likewise, she could gather,

through their gossip, to what places he was likely to go at such and such a time, whether to baptize a child, or

to visit the aged, the sick, the sad, or the dying; and most skilfully she laid her plans accordingly.

In these excursions she would sometimes go with her sister, whom, by some means, she had persuaded or

bribed to enter into her schemes, sometimes alone, never, now, with me; so that I was debarred the pleasure

of seeing Mr Weston, or hearing his voice, even in conversation with another, which would certainly have

I could not even see him at church, for Miss Murray, under some trivial pretext, chose to take possession of

that corner in the family pew, which had been mine ever since I came; and, unless I had the presumption to

station myself between Mr and Mrs Murray, I must sit with my back to the pulpit, which I accordingly did.

Now, also, I never walked home with my pupils: they said their mama thought it did not look well to see

three people out of the family walking, and only two going in the carriage; and, as they greatly preferred

"And, besides," said they, "you can't walk as fast as we do; you know you're always lagging behind."

I knew these were false excuses, but I made no objections, and never contradicted such assertions, well

And in the afternoons, during those six memorable weeks, I never went to church at all. If I had a cold, or any

slight indisposition, they took advantage of that to make me stay at home; and often they would tell me they

were not going again that day, themselves, and then pretend to change their minds, and set off without telling

me, so managing their departure that I never discovered the change of purpose till too late.

Upon their return home, on one of these occasions, they entertained me with an animated account of a

"And he asked if you were ill, Miss Grey," said Matilda; "but we told him you were quite well, only you

All chance meetings on weekdays were likewise carefully prevented; for, lest I should go to see poor Nancy

Brown or any other person, Miss Murray took good care to provide sufficient employment for all my leisure

hours. There was always some drawing to finish, some music to copy, or some work to do, sufficient to

incapacitate me from indulging in anything beyond a short walk about the grounds, however she or her sister

One morning, having sought and waylaid Mr Weston, they returned in high glee to give me an account of

"And he asked after you again," said Matilda, in spite of her sister's silent, but imperative intimation that she

should hold her tongue. "He wondered why you were never with us, and thought you must have delicate

"Oh, Rosalie, what a lie! He did, you know; and you said-Don't Rosalie-hang it!-I won't be pinched so! And,

Miss Grey, Rosalie told him you were quite well, but you were always so buried in your books that you had

"Yes, and we tell her you are so fond of reading and drawing that you can do nothing else."

"That is not the case though; if you had told her I was so busy I could not come to see her, it would have been

"I don't think it would," replied Miss Murray, suddenly kindling up; "I'm sure you've plenty of time to

It was no use beginning to dispute with such indulged, unreasoning creatures; so l held my peace. I was

accustomed, now, to keeping silence when things distasteful to my ear were uttered; and now, too, I was used

to wearing a placid smiling countenance when my heart was bitter within me. Only those who have felt the

like can imagine my feelings, as I sat with an assumption of smiling indifference, listening to the accounts of

those meetings and interviews with Mr Weston, which they seemed to find such pleasure in describing to me,

and hearing things asserted of him which, from the character of the man, I knew to be exaggerations and

perversions of the truth, if not entirely false-things derogatory to him and flattering to them-especially to

Miss Murray-which I burned to contradict, or, at least, to show my doubts about, but dared not, lest, in

Other things I heard, which I felt or feared were indeed too true; but I must still conceal my anxiety

respecting him, in indignation against them beneath a careless aspect; others again-mere hints of something

So passed the weary time. I could not even comfort myself with saying, "She will soon be married; and then,

Soon after her marriage the holidays would come; and when I returned from home, most likely, Mr Weston

would be gone, for, I was told that he and the rector could not agree, (the rector's fault, of course,) and he was

No-besides my hope in God, my only consolation was in thinking that, though he knew it not, I was more

worthy of his love than Rosalie Murray, charming and engaging as she was; for I could appreciate his

excellence, which she could not; I would devote my life to the promotion of his happiness; she would destroy

"Oh, if he could but know the difference!" I would earnestly exclaim. "But no! I would not have him see my

heart-yet, if he could but know her hollowness, her worthless, heartless frivolity-he would then be safe, and I

I fear, by this time, the reader is well nigh disgusted with the folly and weakness I have so freely laid before

him. I never disclosed it then, and would not have done so had my own sister or my mother been with me in

I was a close and resolute dissembler-in this one case at least. My prayers, my tears, my wishes, fears, and

When we are harassed by sorrows or anxieties, or long oppressed by any powerful feelings which we must

keep to ourselves, for which we can obtain and seek no sympathy from any living creature, and which, yet,

we cannot, or will not wholly crush, we often, naturally, seek relief in poetry-and often find it too-whether in

the effusions of others, which seem to harmonize with our existing case, or in our own attempts to give

utterance to those thoughts and feelings in strains less musical, perchance, but more appropriate, and,

therefore more penetrating and sympathetic, and, for the time, more soothing, or more powerful to rouse and

Before this time, at Wellwood House and here, when suffering from homesick melancholy, I had sought

relief twice or thrice at this secret source of consolation; and now I flew to it again, with greater avidity than

ever, because I seemed to need it more. I still preserve those relics of past sufferings and experience, like

pillars of witness set up, in travelling through the vale of life, to mark particular occurrences.

The footsteps are obliterated now; the face of the country may be changed, but the pillar is still there to

Lest the reader should be curious to see any of these effusions, I will favour him with one short specimen:

cold and languid as the lines may seem, it was almost a passion of grief to which they owed their being.

"O, they have robbed me of the hope My spirit held so dear; They will not let me hear that voice My soul

delights to hear. They will not let me see that face I so delight to see; And they have taken all thy smiles, And

Well, let them seize on all they can;- One treasure still is mine,- A heart that loves to think on thee, And feels

Yes! at least, they could not deprive me of that; I could think of him day and night; and I could feel that he

was worthy to be thought of. Nobody knew him as I did; nobody could appreciate him as I did; nobody could

love him as I ... could, if I might; but there was the evil. What business had I to think so much of one that

Yet, if I found such deep delight in thinking of him, and if I kept those thoughts to myself, and troubled no

And such reasoning prevented me from making any sufficient effort to shake off my fetters.

But, if those thoughts brought delight, it was a painful, troubled pleasure, too near akin to anguish; and one

that did me more injury than I was aware of. It was an indul gence that a person of more wisdom or more

And yet ... how dreary to turn my eyes from the contemplation of that bright object, and force them to dwell

on the dull, grey, desolate prospect around, the joyless, hopeless, solitary path that lay before me.

It was wrong to be so joyless, so desponding; I should have made God my friend, and to do His will the

pleasure and the business of my life; but Faith was weak, and Passion was too strong.

In this time of trouble I had two other causes of affliction. The first may seem a trifle, but it cost me many a

tear: Snap, my little dumb, roughvisaged, but brighteyed, warmhearted companion, the only thing I had to

love me, was taken away, and delivered over to the tender mercies of the village ratcatcher, a man notorious

The other was serious enough: my letters from home gave intimation that my father's health was worse. No

boding fears were expressed, but I was grown timid and despondent, and could not help fearing that some

dreadful calamity awaited us there. I seemed to see the black clouds gathering round my native hills, and to

hear the angry muttering of a storm that was about to burst, and desolate our hearth.

THE first of June arrived at last; and Rosalie Murray was transmuted into Lady Ashby. Most splendidly

Upon her return from church after the ceremony, she came flying into the schoolroom, flushed with

excitement, and laughing ... half in mirth, and half in reckless desperation ... as it seemed to me.

"Now, Miss Grey, I'm Lady Ashby!" she exclaimed. "It's done ... my fate is sealed! ... there's no drawing back

now! I'm come to receive your congratulations, and bid you good bye; and then I'm off ... for Paris ... Rome

... Naples ... Switzerland ... London ... Oh, dear! what a deal I shall see and hear before I come back again!

But don't forget me; I shan't forget you, though I've been a naughty girl. Come! why don't you congratulate

"I cannot congratulate you," I replied, "till I know whether this change is really for the better; but I sincerely

She gave me a hasty kiss, and was hurrying away, but, suddenly returning, embraced me with more affection

Poor girl! I really loved her then; and forgave her from my heart, all the injury she had done me-and others

also; she had not half known it, I was sure; and I prayed God to pardon her too.

During the remainder of that day of festal sadness, I was left to my own devices. Being too much unhinged

for any steady occupation, I wandered about with a book in my hand for several hours-more thinking than

reading, for I had many things to think about; and in the evening I made use of my liberty to go and see my

old friend Nancy once again; to apologize for my long absence, which must have seemed so neglectful and

unkind, by telling her how busy I had been, and to talk, or read, or work for her, whichever might be most

acceptable; and also of course, to tell her the news of this important day, and perhaps to obtain a little

information from her in return, respecting Mr Weston's expected departure. But of this, she seemed to know

She was very glad to see me; but, happily, her eyes were now so nearly well that she was almost independent

of my services. She was deeply interested in the wedding; but while I amused her with the details of the

festive day, the splendours of the bridal party and of the bride herself, she often sighed and shook her head,

and wished good might come of it: she seemed like me to regard it rather as a theme for sorrow than

rejoicing. I sat a long time talking to her about that and other things;-but no one came.

Shall I confess-that I sometimes looked towards the door with a half expectant wish to see it open and give

entrance to Mr Weston, as had happened once before? and that, returning through the lanes and fields, I often

paused to look round me, and walked more slowly than was at all necessary-for, though a fine evening, it was

not a hot one-and, finally, felt a sense of emptiness and disappointment at having reached the house without

meeting or even catch ing a distant glimpse of any one, except a few labourers returning from their work?

Sunday however was approaching: I should see him then; for now that Miss Murray was gone, I could have

my old corner again-I should see him; and by look, speech, and manner I might judge whether the

Happily I could perceive no shadow of a difference: he wore the same aspect as he had worn two months

ago-voice, look, manner-all alike unchanged: there was the same keensighted, unclouded truthfulness in his

discourse, the same forcible clearness in his style, the same earnest simplicity in all he said and did, that made

itself, not marked by the eye and ear, but felt upon the hearts of his audience.

I walked home with Miss Matilda; but he did not join us. Matilda was now sadly at a loss for amusement, and

woefully in want of a companion. Her brothers at school-her sister married and gone-she too young to be

admitted into society; for which, from Rosalie's example, she was in some degree beginning to acquire a

taste-a taste at least for the company of certain classes of gentlemen-at this dull time of year-no hunting going

on ... no shooting even ... for, though she might not join in that, it was something to see her father or the

gamekeeper go out with the dogs, and to talk with them, on their return, about the different birds they had

bagged. Now also she was denied the solace which the companionship of the coachman, grooms, horses,

greyhounds and pointers might have afforded; for her mother, having notwithstanding the disadvantages of a

country life so satisfactorily disposed of her elder daughter, the pride of her heart, had begun seriously to turn

her attention to the younger, and being truly alarmed at the roughness of her manners, and thinking it high

time to work a reform, had been roused at length to exert her authority, and pro hibited entirely, the yards,

stables, kennels, and coachhouse. Of course, she was not implicitly obeyed; but indulgent as she had

hitherto been, when once her spirit was roused, her temper was not so gentle as she required that of her

governesses to be, and her will was not to be thwarted with impunity; and after many a scene of contention

between mother and daughter, many a violent outbreak which I was ashamed to witness, in which the father's

authority was often called in to confirm, with oaths and threats, the mother's slighted prohibitions ... for even

he could see that "Tilly, though she would have made a fine lad, was not quite what a young lady ought to

be"-Matilda at length found that her easiest plan was to keep clear of the forbidden regions, unless she could

Amid all this, let it not be imagined that I escaped without many a reprimand, and many an implied reproach

that lost none of its sting from not being openly worded, but rather wounded the more deeply, because from

that very reason, it seemed to preclude selfdefence. Frequently, I was told to amuse Miss Matilda with other

things, and to remind her of her mother's precepts and prohibitions. I did so to the best of my power; but she

could not be amused against her will and could not against her taste, and though I went beyond mere

"Dear Miss Grey! it is the strangest thing. I suppose you can't help it, if it's not in your nature-but I wonder

you can't win the confidence of that girl, and make your society at least as agreeable to her as that of Robert

"They can talk the best about the things in which she is most interested," I replied.

"Well! that is a strange confession however, to come from her governess! Who is to form a young lady's

tastes, I won der, if the governess doesn't do it? I have known governesses who have so completely

identified themselves with the reputation of their young ladies for elegance and propriety in mind and

manners, that they would blush to speak a word against them; and to hear the slightest blame imputed to their

pupils was worse than to be censured in their own persons,-and I really think it very natural for my part."

"Yes: of course, the young lady's proficiency and elegance is of more consequence to the governess than her

own, as well as to the world. If she wishes to prosper in her vocation she must devote all her energies to her

business; all her ideas and all her ambition will tend to the accomplishment of that one object. When we wish

to decide upon the merits of a governess, we naturally look at the young ladies she professes to have

educated, and judge accordingly. The judicious governess knows this: she knows that, while she lives in

obscurity herself, her pupil's virtues and defects will be open to every eye, and, that unless she loses sight of

herself in their cultivation, she need not hope for success. You see, Miss Grey, it is just the same as any other

trade or profession; they that wish to prosper must devote themselves body and soul to their calling, and if

they begin to yield to indolence or selfindulgence they are speedily distanced by wiser competitors: there is

little to choose between a person that ruins her pupils by neglect, and one that corrupts them by her example.

You will excuse my dropping these little hints ... you know it is all for your own good. Many ladies would

speak to you much more strongly; and many would not trouble themselves to speak at all, but quietly look out

for a substitute. That, of course would be the easiest plan; but I know the advantages of a place like this to a

person in your situation; and I have no desire to part with you, as I am sure you would do very well if you

will only think of these things and try to exert yourself a little more; and then, I am convinced, you would

soon acquire that delicate tact which alone is wanting to give you a proper influence over the mind of your

I was about to give the lady some idea of the fallacy of her expectations; but she sailed away as soon as she

had concluded her speech. Having said what she wished, it was no part of her plan to wait my answer: it was

However, as I have said, Matilda at length yielded, in some degree, to her mother's authority (pity it had not

been exerted before), and being thus deprived of almost every source of amusement, there was nothing for it

but to take long rides with the groom and long walks with the governess, and to visit the cottages and

farmhouses on her father's estate, to kill time in chatting with the old men and women that inhabited them.

In one of these walks, it was our chance to meet Mr Weston. This was what I had long desired; but now, for a

moment, I wished either he or I were away: I felt my heart throb so violently that I dreaded lest some outward

signs of emotion should appear; but I think he hardly glanced at me, and I was soon calm enough. After a

brief salutation to both, he asked Matilda if she had lately heard from her sister.

"Yes," replied she. "She was at Paris when she wrote, and very well, and very happy."

She spoke the last word emphatically, and with a glance impertinently sly. He did not seem to notice it, but

"Do you think it likely?" I ventured to inquire, for Matilda had started off in pursuit of her dog that was

"I cannot tell," replied he. "Sir Thomas may be a better man than I may suppose, but, from all I have heard

and seen, it seems a pity that one so young, and gay, and ... and interesting, to express many things by one ...

whose greatest, if not her only fault, appears to be thoughtlessness ... no trifling fault to be sure, since it

renders the possessor liable to almost every other, and exposes him to so many temptations; but it seems a

pity that she should be thrown away on such a man. It was her mother's wish, I suppose?"

"Yes; and her own too, I think, for she always laughed at my attempts to dissuade her from the step."

"You did attempt it? Then, at least, you will have the satisfaction of knowing that it is no fault of yours, if any

harm should come of it; as for Mrs Murray, I don't know how she can justify her conduct; if I had sufficient

"It seems unnatural; but some people think rank and wealth the chief good; and, if they can secure that to

"True; but is it not strange that persons of experience who have been married themselves should judge so

Matilda now came panting back, with the lacerated body of the young hare in her hand.

"Was it your intention to kill that hare, or to save it, Miss Murray?" asked Mr Weston, apparently puzzled at

"I pretended to want to save it," she answered, honestly enough, "as it was so glaringly out of season; but I

was better pleased to see it killed. However, you can both witness that I couldn't help it; Prince was

determined to have her; and he clutched her by the back, and killed her in a minute! Wasn't it a noble chase?"

There was a quiet sarcasm in the tone of his reply which was not lost upon her; she shrugged her shoulders,

and, turning away with a significant "Humph!" asked me how I had enjoyed the fun.

I replied that I saw no fun in the matter; but admitted that I had not observed the transaction very narrowly.

"Didn't you see how it doubled-just like an old hare? and didn't you hear it scream?"

"Come along-I shall leave it in the first house we come to-I don't want to take it home, for fear papa should

Mr Weston was now gone, and we too went on our way; but as we returned, after having deposited the hare

in a farmhouse, and demolished some spice cake and currant wine in exchange, we met him returning also

from the execution of his mission, whatever it might be. He carried in his hand a cluster of beautiful bluebells

which he offered to me, observing, with a smile, that though he had seen so little of me for the last two

months, he had not forgotten that bluebells were numbered among my favourite flowers.

It was done as a simple act of good will, without compliment, or remarkable courtesy, or any look that could

be construed into "reverential, tender adoration" (vide Rosalie Murray); but still, it was something to find my

unimportant saying so well remembered; it was something that he had noticed so accurately the time I had

"I was told," said he, "that you were a perfect bookworm, Miss Grey, so completely absorbed in your

"No, Mr Weston; don't believe it; it's a scandalous libel. These young ladies are too fond of making random

assertions at the expense of their friends; and you ought to be careful how you listen to them."

"No; but I object to any one so devoting himself or herself to study as to lose sight of everything else. Except

under peculiar circumstances, I consider very close and constant study as a waste of time, and an injury to the

Well! what is there remarkable in all this? Why have I recorded it? Because, reader, it was important enough

to give me a cheerful evening, a night of pleasing dreams, and a morning of felicitous hopes.

Shallowbrained cheerfulness-foolish dreams-unfounded hopes-you would say; and I will not venture to

deny it: suspicion to that effect arose too frequently in my own mind; but our wishes are like tinder: the flint

and steel of circumstances are continually striking out sparks, which vanish immediately, unless they chance

to fall upon the tinder of our wishes; then they instantly ignite, and the flame of hope is kindled in a moment.

But alas! that very morning, my flickering flame of hope was dismally quenched by a letter from my mother,

which spoke so seriously of my father's increasing illness, that I feared there was little or no chance of his

recovery; and, close at hand as the holidays were, I almost trembled lest they should come too late for me to

meet him in this world. Two days after, a letter from Mary told me his life was despaired of, and his end

Then, immediately, I sought permission to anticipate the vacation, and go without delay.

Mrs Murray stared, and wondered at the unwonted energy and boldness with which I urged the request, and

thought there was no occasion to hurry; but finally gave me leave, stating, however, that there was "no need

to be in such agitation about the matter-it might prove a false alarm after all; and if not-why, it was only in

the common course of nature; we must all die some time; and I was not to suppose myself the only afflicted

person in the world;" and concluded with saying I might have the phaeton to take me to O-.

"And instead of repining, Miss Grey, be thankful for the privileges you enjoy. There's many a poor

clergyman whose family would be plunged into ruin by the event of his death; but you, you see, have

influential friends ready to continue their patronage, and to show you every consideration."

I thanked her for her "consideration," and flew to my room to make some hurried preparations for my

departure. My bonnet and shawl being on, and a few things hastily crammed into my largest trunk, I

descended. But I might have done the work more leisurely, for no one else was in a hurry; and I had still a

At length it came to the door, and I was off; but oh, what a dreary journey was that! how utterly different

Being too late for the last coach to -, I had to hire a cab for ten miles, and then a car to take me over the

My mother and sister both met me in the passage-sad-silent-pale! I was so much shocked and terrorstricken

that I could not speak to ask the information I so much longed yet dreaded to obtain.

It was the reply I had anticipated; but the shock seemed none the less tremendous.

MY FATHER'S mortal remains had been consigned to the tomb; and we, with sad faces and sombre

garments, sat lingering over the frugal breakfasttable, revolving plans for our future life.

My mother's strong mind had not given way beneath even this affliction: her spirit, though crushed, was not

broken. Mary's wish was that I should go back to Horton Lodge, and that our mother should come and live

with her and Mr Richardson at the vicarage: she affirmed that he wished it no less than herself, and that such

an arrangement could not fail to benefit all parties, for my mother's society and experience would be of

inestimable value to them, and they would do all they could to make her happy. But no arguments or

entreaties could prevail: my mother was determined not to go; not that she questioned, for a moment, the kind

wishes and intentions of her daughter; but she affirmed that so long as God spared her health and strength,

she would make use of them to earn her own livelihood, and be chargeable to no one, whether her

dependence would be felt as a burden or not. If she could afford to reside as a lodger in - vicarage, she would

choose that house before all others as the place of her abode; but, not being so circumstanced, she would

never come under its roof, except as an occasional visitor, unless sickness or calamity should render her

assistance really needful, or until age or infirmity made her incapable of maintaining herself.

"No, Mary," said she, "if Richardson and you have any thing to spare, you must lay it aside for your family;

and Agnes and I must gather honey for ourselves. Thanks to my having had daughters to educate, I have not

forgotten my accomplishments ... God willing I will check this vain repining,"-she said, while the tears

coursed one another down her cheeks in spite of her efforts; but she wiped them away, and resolutely shaking

back her head, continued, "I will exert myself and look out for a small house commodiously situated in some

populous but healthy district, where we will take a few young ladies to board and educate-if we can get

them-and as many daypupils as will come, or as we can manage to instruct. Your father's relations and old

friends will be able to send us some pupils or to assist us with their recommendations no doubt: I shall not

apply to my own. What say you to it, Agnes-will you be willing to leave your present situation and try?"

"Quite willing, mama; and the money I have saved will do to furnish the house. It shall be taken from the

Mary offered to lend the little she possessed; but my mother declined it, saying that we must begin on an

economical plan, and she hoped that the whole or part of mine added to what we could get by the sale of the

furniture, and what little our dear papa had contrived to lay aside for her since the debts were paid, would be

sufficient to last us till Christmas, when it was hoped, something would accrue from our united labours.

It was finally settled that this should be our plan; and that inquiries and preparations should immediately be

set on foot; and while my mother busied herself with these, I should return to Horton Lodge at the close of

my four weeks' vacation, and give notice for my final departure when things were in train for the speedy

We were discussing these affairs on the morning I have mentioned, about a fortnight after my father's death,

when a letter was brought in for my mother, on beholding which the colour mounted to her face-lately pale

It was many years since she had heard from any of her own relations before. Naturally wondering what the

letter might contain, I watched her countenance while she read it, and was somewhat surprised to see her bite

her lip and knit her brows as if in anger. When she had done, she somewhat irreverently, cast it on the table,

"Your grandpapa has been so kind as to write to me. He says he has no doubt I have long repented of my

'unfortunate marriage,' and if I will only acknowledge this, and confess I was wrong in neglecting his advice,

and that I have justly suffered for it, he will make a lady of me once again-if that be possible after my long

degradation-and remember my girls in his will. Get my desk, Agnes-and send these things away-I will answer

the letter directly-but first as I may be depriving you both of a legacy, it is just that I should tell you what I

"I shall say that he is mistaken in supposing that I can regret the birth of my daughters, (who have been the

pride of my life, and are likely to be the comfort of my old age), or the thirty years I have passed in the

company of my best and dearest friend;-that, had our misfortunes been three times as great as they were,

(unless they had been of my bringing on,) I should still the more rejoice to have shared them with your father,

and administered what consolation I was able; and, had his sufferings in illness been ten times what they

were, I could not regret having watched over and laboured to relieve them-that, if he had married a richer

wife, misfortunes and trials would no doubt have come upon him still, while-I am egotist enough to imagine

that no other woman could have cheered him through them so well-not that I am superior to the rest, but I

was made for him, and he for me; and I can no more repent the hours-days-years of happiness we have spent

together, and which neither could have had without the other, than I can the privilege of having been his

"Will this do, children?-or shall I say we are all very sorry for what has happened during the last thirty years;

and my daughters wish they had never been born; but since they have had that misfortune, they will be

Of course, we both applauded our mother's resolution; Mary cleared away the breakfast things; I brought the

desk; the letter was quickly written and despatched; and, from that day, we heard no more of our grandfather

till we saw his death announced in the newspaper a considerable time after-all his worldly possessions, of

A house in A-, the fashionable wateringplace, was hired for our seminary; and a promise of two or three

pupils was obtained to commence with. I returned to Horton Lodge about the middle of July, leaving my

mother to conclude the bargain for the house, to obtain more pupils, to sell off the furniture of our old abode,

We often pity the poor, because they have no leisure to mourn their departed relatives, and necessity obliges

them to labour through their severest afflictions; but is not active employment the best remedy for

overwhelming sorrow ... the surest antidote for despair? It may be a rough comforter: it may seem hard to be

harassed with the cares of life when we have no relish for its enjoyments, to be goaded to labour when the

heart is ready to break, and the vexed spirit implores for rest only to weep in silence; but is not labour better

than the rest we covet? and are not those petty, tormenting cares less hurtful than a continual brooding over

the great affliction that oppresses us?- Besides, we cannot have cares, and anxieties, and toil, without hope-if

it be but the hope of fulfilling our joyless task, accomplishing some needful project, or escaping some further

At any rate, I was glad my mother had so much employment for every faculty of her actionloving frame.

Our kind neighbours lamented that she, once so exalted in wealth and station, should be reduced to such

extremity in her time of sorrow; but I am persuaded that she would have suffered thrice as much had she been

left in affluence, with liberty to remain in that house, the scene of her early happiness and late affliction, and

no stern necessity to prevent her from incessantly brooding over, and lamenting her bereavement.

I will not dilate upon the feelings with which I left the old house, the wellknown garden, the little village

church-then doubly dear to me, because my father, who for thirty years had taught and prayed within its walls

lay slumbering now beneath its flags-and the old bare hills, delightful in their very desolation, with the

narrow vales between, smiling in green wood and sparkling water-the house where I was born, the scene of

all my early associations, the place where, throughout life, my earthly affections had been centred; and left

them to return no more! True, I was going back to Horton Lodge where, amid many evils, one source of

pleasure yet remained; but it was pleasure mingled with excessive pain, and my stay, alas! was limited to six

And even of that precious time, day after day slipped by and I did not see him:-except at church, I never saw

him for a fortnight after my return. It seemed a long time to me: and, as I was often out with my rambling

pupil, of course hopes would keep rising, and disappointments would ensue; and then I would say to my own

heart, "Here is a convincing proof-if you would but have the sense to see it, or the candour to acknowledge

it-that he does not care for you. If he only thought half as much about you, as you do about him, he would

have contrived to meet you many times ere this-you must know that by consulting your own feelings.

Therefore have done with this nonsense; you have no ground for hope; dismiss, at once, these hurtful

thoughts and foolish wishes from your mind and turn to your own duty and the dull, blank life that lies before

But I saw him at last. He came suddenly upon me as I was crossing a field in returning from a visit to Nancy

Brown, which I had taken the opportunity of paying while Matilda Murray was riding her matchless mare.

He must have heard of the heavy loss I had sustained; he expressed no sympathy, offered no condolence, but

almost the first words he uttered were, "How is your mother?" And this was no matter of course question, for

I never told him that I had a mother, he must have learnt the fact from others, if he knew it at all-and besides,

there was sincere goodwill, and even deep, touching, unobtrusive sympathy in the tone and manner of the

I thanked him with due civility, and told him she was as well as could be expected.

"What will she do?" was the next question. Many would have deemed it an impertinent one, and given an

evasive reply; but such an idea never entered my head, and I gave a brief, but plain statement of mother's

He paused a minute, as if in thought. When he spoke again I hoped it would be to express his concern at my

I was annoyed at this, in some degree because it embarrassed me; I had only one reason for regretting it; and

"You told me so yourself," was the decisive reply. "You said, at least, that you could not live contentedly

without a friend; and that you had no friend here, and no possibility of making one-and besides, I know you

"But, if you remember rightly, I said-or meant to say, I could not live contentedly without a friend in the

world: I was not so unreasonable as to require one always near me. I think I could be happy in a house full of

enemies,-if" but no; that sentence must not be continued-I paused, and hastily added, "And besides, we

cannot well leave a place where we have lived for two or three years, without some feeling of regret."

"Will you regret to part with Miss Murray ... your sole remaining pupil and companion?"

"I dare say I shall in some degree-it was not without sorrow I parted with her sister."

"I should not call her dis honest; but it must be confessed, she's a little artful."

"Artful is she?-I saw she was giddy and vain-and now," he added, after a pause, "I can well believe she was

artful too, but so excessively so as to assume an aspect of extreme simplicity and unguarded openness. Yes,"

continued he musingly, "that accounts for some little things that puzzled me a trifle before."

After that, he turned the conversation to more general subjects. He did not leave me till we had nearly

reached the parkgates: he had certainly stepped a little out of his way to accompany me so far, for he now

went back and disappeared down Mosslane, the entrance of which we had passed some time before.

Assuredly, I did not regret this circumstance: if sorrow had any place in my heart, it was that he was gone at

last ... that he was no longer walking by my side, and that that short interval of delightful intercourse was at

an end. He had not breathed a word of love, or dropped one hint of tenderness or affection, and yet I had been

supremely happy. To be near him, to hear him talk ... as he did talk; and to feel that he thought me worthy to

be so spoken to ... capable of understanding and duly appreciating such discourse ... was enough.

"Yes, Edward Weston, I could indeed be happy in a house full of enemies, if I had but one friend, who truly,

deeply, and faithfully loved me, and if that friend were you-though we might be far apart ... seldom to hear

from each other, still more seldom to meet ... though toil, and trouble, and vexation might surround me, still

... it would be too much happiness for me to dream of! Yet who can tell," said I within myself, as I proceeded

up the park. "who can tell what this one month may bring forth? I have lived nearly three and twenty years,

and I have suffered much, and tasted little pleasure yet: is it likely my life all through will be so clouded? Is it

not possible that God may hear my prayers, disperse these gloomy shadows, and grant me some beams of

heaven's sunshine yet? Will He entirely deny to me those blessings which are so freely given to others, who

neither ask them nor acknowledge them when received? May I not still hope and trust?"

I did hope and trust-for a while; but alas, alas! the time ebbed away; one week followed another, and,

excepting one distant glimpse, and two transient meetings-during which scarcely anything was said-while I

was walking with Miss Matilda, I saw nothing of him-except, of course, at church.

And now, the last Sunday was come, and the last service. I was often on the point of melting into tears during

the sermon-the last I was to hear from him ... the best I should hear from any one, I was well assured. It was

over ... the congregation were departing; and I must follow ... I had then seen him and heard his voice, too

In the churchyard, Matilda was pounced upon by the two Misses Green. They had many inquiries to make

about her sister, and I know not what besides. I only wished they would have done, that we might hasten back

to Horton Lodge: I longed to seek the retirement of my own room, or some sequestered nook in the grounds,

that I might deliver myself up to my feelings to weep my last farewell, and lament my false hopes and vain

delusions ... only this once, and then adieu to fruitless dreaming ... thenceforth, only sober, solid, sad reality

should occupy my mind; but while I thus resolved, a low voice close beside me said,

"Yes," I replied. I was very much startled; and had I been at all hysterically inclined, I certainly should have

"Well," said Mr Weston, "I want to bid you goodbye ... it is not likely I shall see you again before you go."

"Goodbye, Mr Weston," I said ... Oh, how I struggled to say it calmly! I gave him my hand. He retained it a

"It is possible we may meet again," said he, "will it be of any consequence to you whether we do or not?"

I could say no less. He kindly pressed my hand, and went. Now I was happy again ... though more inclined to

burst into tears than ever. If I had been forced to speak at that moment, a succession of sobs would have

inevitably ensued; and as it was, I could not keep the water out of my eyes. I walked along with Miss Murray,

turning aside my face and neglecting to notice several successive remarks, till she bawled out that I was either

deaf or stupid, and then (having recovered my selfpossession) as one awakened from a fit of abstraction, I

I LEFT Horton Lodge, and went to join my mother in our new abode at A-. I found her well in health,

resigned in spirit, and even cheerful, though subdued and sober, in her general demeanour. We had only three

boarders and halfadozen daypupils to commence with; but by due care and diligence we hoped ere long

I set myself with befitting energy to discharge the duties of this new mode of life. I call it new, for there was,

indeed, a considerable difference between working with my mother in a school of our own, and working as a

hireling among strangers, despised and trampled upon by old and young; and for the first few weeks I was by

no means unhappy. "It is possible we may meet again," and "Will it be of any consequence to you whether

we do or not?"-Those words still rang in my ear and rested on my heart; they were my secret solace and

"I shall see him again.-He will come; or he will write." No promise, in fact, was too bright or too extravagant

for hope to whisper in my ear. I did not believe half of what she told me; I pretended to laugh at it all; but I

was far more credulous than I myself supposed: otherwise, why did my heart leap up when a knock was

heard at the front door, and the maid, who opened it, came to tell my mother a gentleman wished to see her?

and why was I out of humour for the rest of the day, because it proved to be a musicmaster come to offer his

services to our school? and what stopped my breath for a moment, when the postman having brought a couple

of letters, my mother said, "Here, Agnes, this is for you," and threw one of them to me? and what made the

hot blood rush into my face when I saw it was directed in a gentleman's hand? and why?-oh! why did that

cold, sickening sense of disappointment fall upon me, when I had torn open the cover and found it was only a

letter from Mary, which, for some reason or other, her husband had directed for her?

Was it then come to this-that I should be disappointed to receive a letter from my only sister; and because, it

was not written by a comparative stranger? Dear Mary! and she had written it so kindly-and thinking I should

And I believe, in my indignation against myself, I should have put it aside till I had schooled myself into a

better frame of mind, and was become more deserving of the honour and privilege of its perusal; but there

was my mother looking on, and wishful to know what news it contained; so I read it and delivered it to her,

and then went into the schoolroom to attend to the pupils; but amidst the cares of copies and sums-in the

intervals of correcting errors here, and reproving derelictions of duty there, I was inwardly taking myself to

"What a fool you must be," said my head to my heart, or my sterner to my softer self;-"how could you ever

dream that he would write to you? What grounds have you for such a hope-or that he will see you, or give

"What grounds?"-and then Hope set before me that last, short interview, and repeated the words I had so

"Well, and what was there in that? ... Who ever hung his hopes upon so frail a twig? What was there in those

words that any common acquaintance might not say to another? Of course, it was possible you might meet

again; he might have said so if you had been going to New Zealand; but that did not imply any intention of

seeing you-and then, as to the question that followed, any one might ask that; and how did you

answer?-Merely with a stupid, commonplace reply, such as you would have given to Master Murray, or any

"Oh, that is nonsense! he always speaks impressively; and at that moment there were the Greens and Miss

Matilda Murray just before, and other people passing by, and he was obliged to stand close beside you, and to

speak very low, unless he wished everybody to hear what he said, which-though it was nothing at all

But then, above all, that emphatic, yet gentle pressure of the hand, which seemed to say, "Trust me," and

many other things besides-too delightful, almost too flattering, to be repeated, even to oneself.

"Egregious folly-too absurd to require contradiction ... mere inventions of the imagination; which you ought

to be ashamed of. If you would but consider your own unattractive exterior, your unamiable reserve, your

foolish diffidence, which must make you appear cold, dull, awkward, and perhaps illtempered too; ... if you

had but rightly considered these from the beginning, you would never have harboured such presumptuous

thoughts; and now that you have been so foolish, pray repent and amend, and let us have no more of it!"

I cannot say that I implicitly obeyed my own injunctions; but such reasoning as this became more and more

effective as time wore on and nothing was seen or heard of Mr Wes ton; until at last, I gave up hoping, for

even my heart acknowledged it was all in vain. But still, I would think of him; I would cherish his image in

my mind; and treasure every word, look, and gesture that my memory could retain; and brood over his

excellences, and his peculiarities, and, in fact, all I had seen, heard, or imagined respecting him.

"Agnes, this sea air and change of scene do you no good, I think: I never saw you look so wretched. It must

be that you sit too much, and allow the cares of the schoolroom to worry you:-you must learn to take things

easy, and to be more active and cheerful; you must take exercise whenever you can get it, and leave the most

tiresome duties to me: they will only serve to exercise my patience, and, perhaps, try my temper a little."

So said my mother, as we sat at work one morning during the Easter holidays. I assured her that my

employments were not at all oppressive, that I was well, or if there was anything amiss, it would be gone as

soon as the trying months of Spring were over; when Summer came I should be as strong and hearty as she

could wish to see me; but inwardly her observation startled me. I knew my strength was declining, my

appetite had failed, and I was grown listless and desponding;-and if indeed, he could never care for me, and I

could never see him more-if I was forbidden to minister to his happiness, forbidden, for ever, to taste the joys

of love, to bless and to be blessed, then, life must be a burden, and if my Heavenly Father would call me

away, I should be glad to rest; but it would not do to die and leave my mother-Selfish, unworthy daughter, to

forget her for a moment! Was not her happiness committed in a great measure to my charge-and the welfare

of our young pupils too? Should I shrink from the work that God had set before me, because it was not fitted

to my taste? Did not He know best what I should do, and where I ought to labour? and should I long to quit

His service before I had finished my task, and expect to enter into His rest without having laboured to earn it?

"No; by His help I will arise and address myself diligently to my appointed duty. If happiness in this world is

not for me, I will endeavour to promote the welfare of those around me, and my reward shall be hereafter."

So said I in my heart, and from that hour I only permitted my thoughts to wander to Edward Weston-or at

least to dwell upon him now and then ... as a treat for rare occasions; and whether it was really the approach

of Summer, or the effect of these good resolutions, or the lapse of time, or all together, tranquillity of mind

was soon restored, and bodily health and vigour began likewise, slowly, but surely, to return.

Early in June I received a letter from Lady Ashby, late Miss Murray. She had written to me twice or thrice

before, from the different stages of her bridal tour, always in good spirits, and professing to be very happy. I

wondered every time that she had not forgotten me in the midst of so much gaiety and variety of scene. At

length however, there was a pause; and it seemed she had forgotten me, for upwards of seven months passed

away, and no letter. Of course, I did not break my heart about that, though I often wondered how she was

getting on; and when this last epistle so unexpectedly arrived, I was glad enough to receive it.

It was dated from Ashby Park where she was come to settle down at last, having previously divided her time

between the Continent and the Metropolis. She made many apologies for having neglected me so long,

assured me she had not forgotten me, and had often intended to write, etc. etc., but always been prevented by

something. She acknowledged that she had been living a very dissipated life, and I should think her very

wicked and very thoughtless, but notwithstanding that, she thought a great deal, and among other things, that

"We have been several days here already," wrote she. "We have not a single friend with us, and are likely to

be very dull. You know I never had a fancy for living with my husband like two turtles in a nest, were he the

most delightful creature that ever wore a coat, so do take pity upon me and come. I suppose your Midsummer

holidays commence in June, the same as other people's, therefore you cannot plead want of time, and you

must and shall come-in fact I shall die if you don't. I want you to visit me as a friend, and stay a long time.

There is nobody with me, as I told you before, but Sir Thomas and old Lady Ashby; but you needn't mind

them-they'll trouble us but little with their company; and you shall have a room to yourself, whenever you

like to retire to it, and plenty of books to read when my company is not sufficiently amusing. I forget whether

you like babies; if you do, you may have the pleasure of seeing mine ... the most charming child in the world,

no doubt ... and all the more so, that I am not troubled with nursing it-I was determined I wouldn't be

bothered with that-Unfortunately it is a girl, and Sir Thomas has never forgiven me; but however, if you will

only come, I promise you shall be its governess as soon as it can speak, and you shall bring it up in the way it

should go, and make a better woman of it than its mamma;-and you shall see my poodle too, a splendid little

charmer imported from Paris, and two fine Italian paintings of great value ... I forget the artist ... doubtless

you will be able to discover prodigious beauties in them, which you must point out to me, as I only admire by

hearsay;... and many elegant curiosities besides, which I purchased at Rome and elsewhere;... and, finally you

shall see my new home-the splendid house and grounds I used to covet so greatly. Alas! how far the promise

of anticipation exceeds the pleasure of possession! ... There's a fine sentiment! I assure you I am become

quite a grave old matron:... pray come, if it be only to witness the wonderful change. Write by return of post,

and tell me when your vacation commences, and say that you will come the day after, and stay till the day

I shewed this strange epistle to my mother, and consulted her on what I ought to do. She advised me to go;

and I went-willing enough to see Lady Ashby-and her baby too-and to do anything I could to benefit her by

consolation or advice, for I imagined she must be unhappy, or she would not have applied to me thus-but

feeling, as may readily be conceived, that, in accepting the invitation, I made a great sacrifice for her, and did

violence to my feelings in many ways, instead of being delighted with the honourable distinction of being

However, I determined my visit should be only for a few days at most; and I will not deny, that I derived

some consolation from the idea that as Ashby Park was not very far from Horton, I might possibly see Mr

ASHBY PARK was certainly a very delightful residence. The mansion was stately without, commodious and

elegant within, the park was spacious and beautiful-chiefly, on account of its magnificent old trees, its stately

herds of deer, its broad sheet of water, and the ancient woods that stretched beyond it, for there was no

broken ground to give variety to the landscape, and but very little of that undulating swell which adds so

And so-this was the place Rosalie Murray had so longed to call her own, that she must have a share of it on

whatever terms it might be offered, whatever price was to be paid for the title of mistress, and whoever was

to be her partner in the honour and bliss of such a possession! Well-I am not disposed to censure her now.

She received me very kindly; and, though I was a poor clergyman's daughter, a governess, and a

schoolmistress, she welcomed me with unaffected pleasure to her home; and-what surprised me rather-took

some pains to make my visit agreeable. I could see, it is true, that she expected me to be greatly struck with

the magnificence that surrounded her; and, I confess, I was rather annoyed at her evident efforts to reassure

me, and prevent me from being overwhelmed by so much grandeur; too much awed at the idea of

encountering her husband and motherinlaw, or too much ashamed of my own humble appearance-I was

not ashamed of it at all; for, though plain, I had taken good care not to be shabby or mean, and should have

been pretty considerably at my ease, if my condescending hostess had not taken such manifest pains to make

me so; and, as for the magnificence that surrounded her, nothing that met my eyes struck me, or affected me

Whether from the influence of fashionable dissipation, or some other evil-a space of little more than twelve

months, had had the effect that might be expected from as many years, in reducing the plumpness of her

form, the freshness of her complexion, the vivacity of her movements, and the exuberance of her spirits.

I wished to know if she was unhappy; but I felt it was not my province to inquire; I might endeavour to win

her confidence; but, if she chose to conceal her matrimonial cares from me, I would trouble her with no

I, therefore, at first, confined myself to a few general inquiries about her health and welfare, and a few

commendations on the beauty of the park, and of the little girl that should have been a boy, a small delicate

infant of seven or eight weeks old, whom its mother seemed to regard with no remarkable degree of interest

Shortly after my arrival, she commissioned her maid to conduct me to my room and see that I had everything

When I descended thence-having divested myself of all travelling encumbrances, and arranged my toilet with

due consideration for the feelings of my lady hostess-she conducted me herself to the room I was to occupy

when I chose to be alone, or when she was engaged with visitors, or obliged to be with her motherinlaw, or

otherwise pre vented, as she said, from enjoying the pleasure of my society. It was a quiet, tidy little

"And some time," said she, "I will show you the library; I never examined its shelves, but, I dare say, it is full

of wise books, and you may go and burrow among them whenever you please; and now you shall have some

tea-it will soon be dinner time, but, I thought, as you were accustomed to dine at one, you would perhaps like

better to have a cup of tea about this time, and to dine when we lunch; and then, you know, you can have

your tea in this room, and that will save you from having to dine with Lady Ashby and Sir Thomas, which

would be rather awkward-at least, not awkward, but rather-a-you know what I mean-I thought you mightn't

like it so well-especially as we may have other ladies and gentlemen to dine with us occasionally."

"Certainly," said 1, "I would much rather have it as you say; and, if you have no objection, I should prefer

She made some faint objections, but soon conceded; and I could see that the proposal was a considerable

"Now, come into the drawingroom," said she. "There's the dressingbell; but I won't go yet; it's no use

dressing when there's no one to see you; and I want to have a little discourse."

The drawingroom was certainly an imposing apartment, and very elegantly furnished; but I saw its young

mistress glance towards me as we entered, as if to notice how I was impressed by the spectacle, and

accordingly, I determined to preserve an aspect of stony indifference, as if I saw nothing at all remarkable-but

this was only for a moment: immediately conscience whispered, "Why should I disappoint her to save my

pride? No-rather let me sacrifice my pride to give her a little innocent gratification." And I honestly looked

round, and told her it was a noble room, and very tastefully furnished. She said little, but I saw she was

She showed me her fat French poodle that lay curled up on a silk cushion, and the two fine Italian paintings,

which, however, she would not give me time to examine, but, saying I must look at them some other day,

insisted upon my admiring the little jewelled watch she had brought from Geneva, and then took me round

the room to point out sundry other articles of vertu she had imported from Italy, an elegant little timepiece,

and several busts, small, graceful figures, and vases, all beautifully carved in white marble. She spoke of

these with animation, and heard my admiring comments with a smile of pleasure, that soon, however,

vanished, and was followed by a melancholy sigh, as if in consideration of the insufficiency of all such

baubles to the happiness of the human heart, and their woeful inability to supply its insatiate demands.

Then, stretching herself upon a couch, she motioned me to a capacious easy chair that stood opposite-not

before the fire, but before a wide open window-for it was Summer, be it remembered-a sweet, warm evening

in the latter half of June; and I sat for a moment in silence, enjoying the still, pure air, and the delightful

prospect of the park, that lay before me, rich in verdure and foliage, and basking in yellow sunshine relieved

by the long shadows of declining day. But I must take advantage of this pause: I had inquiries to make, and,

So I began with asking after Mr and Mrs Murray, and Miss Matilda and the young gentlemen.

I was told that papa had the gout which made him very ferocious; and that he would not give up his choice

wines, and his substantial dinners and suppers, and had quarrelled with his physician, because the latter had

dared to say, that no medicine could cure him while he lived so freely; that mamma and the rest were well:

Matilda was still wild and reckless, but she had got a fashionable governess, and was considerably improved

in her manners, and soon to be introduced to the world; and that John and Charles, (now at home for the

"Ah! Mr Green is heartbroken, you know," replied she, with a languid smile; "he hasn't got over his

disappointment yet, and never will, I suppose. He's doomed to be an old bachelor; and his sisters are doing

"Oh, they're jogging on as usual, I suppose; but I know very little about any of them-except Harry," said she,

blushing slightly, and smiling again; "I saw a great deal of him while we were in London; for, as soon as he

heard we were there, he came up under pretence of visiting his brother, and either followed me, like a

shadow, wherever I went, or met me, like a reflection, at every turn. You needn't look so shocked, Miss Grey;

I was very discreet, I assure you; but, you know, one can't help being admired. Poor fellow! He was not my

only worshipper, but he was certainly the most conspicuous, and, I think, the most devoted among them all.

And that detestable-ahem-and Sir Thomas chose to take offence at him-or my profuse expenditure, or

something-I don't exactly know what and hurried me down to the country, at a moment's notice, where I'm

And she bit her lip, and frowned vindictively upon the fair domain she had once so coveted to call her own.

"Oh! he made up to an elderly spinster, and married her, not long since, weighing her heavy purse against her

faded charms, and expecting to find that solace in gold which was denied him in love, ha, ha!"

"I know nothing about him," replied she, yawning-"except that he went about a month ago-I never asked

where," (I would have asked whether it was to a living or merely another curacy, but thought it better not,)

"and the people made a great rout about his leaving," continued she, "much to Mr Hatfield's displeasure, for

Hatfield didn't like him, because he had too much influence with the common people, and because he was not

sufficiently tractable and submissive to him-and for some other unpardonable sins, I don't know what. But

now I positively must go and rest; the second bell will ring directly, and if I come to dinner in this guise, I

shall never hear the end of it from Lady Ashby. It's a strange thing one can't be mistress in one's own house!

Just ring the bell, and I'll send for my maid, and tell them to get you some tea. Only think of that intolerable

"No, my motherinlaw-and my unfortunate mistake! Instead of letting her take herself off to some other

house, as she offered to do when I married, I was fool enough to ask her to live here still, and direct the

affairs of the house for me; because, in the first place, I hoped we should spend the greater part of the year in

Town, and in the second place, being so young and inexperienced, I was frightened at the idea of having a

houseful of servants to manage, and dinners to order, and parties to entertain, and all the rest of it, and I

thought she might assist me with her experience; never dreaming that she would prove a usurper, a tyrant, an

She then turned to give her orders to the footman who had been standing bolt upright within the door for the

last half minute, and had heard the latter part of her animadversions, and, of course, made his own reflections

upon them, notwithstanding the inflexible, wooden countenance he thought proper to preserve in the

"Oh, no matter! I never care about the footmen; they're mere automatons-it's nothing to them what their

superiors say or do; they won't dare to repeat it; and as to what they think-if they presume to think at all-of

course, nobody cares for that. It would be a pretty thing indeed if we were to be tonguetied by our servants!"

So saying, she ran off to make her hasty toilet, leaving me to pilot my way back to my sittingroom, where,

in due time, I was served with a cup of tea; and, after that, I sat musing on Lady Ashby's past and present

condition; and on what little information I had obtained respecting Mr Weston, and the small chance there

was of ever seeing or hearing anything more of him throughout my quiet, drabcolour life, which,

henceforth, seemed to offer no alternative between positive rainy days and days of dull, grey clouds without

At length, however, I began to weary of my thoughts, and to wish I knew where to find the library my hostess

had spoken of, and to wonder whether I was to remain there, doing nothing till bedtime.

As I was not rich enough to possess a watch, I could not tell how time was passing, except by observing the

slowly lengthening shadows from the window, which presented a side view, including a corner of the park, a

clump of trees, whose topmost branches had been colonized by an innumerable company of noisy rooks, and

a high wall with a massive wooden gate, no doubt, communicating with the stable yard, as a broad

carriageroad swept up to it from the park. The shadow of this wall soon took possession of the whole of the

ground as far as I could see, forcing the golden sunlight to retreat inch by inch, and at last take refuge in the

very tops of the trees. At last, even they were left in shadow-the shadow of the distant hills, or of the earth

itself; and, in sympathy for the busy citizens of the rookery, I regretted to see their habitation, so lately bathed

in glorious light, reduced to the sombre, workyday hue of the lower world, or of my own world within. For

a moment, such birds as soared above the rest might still receive the lustre on their wings, which imparted to

their sable plumage the hue and brilliance of deep red gold; at last, that too departed. Twilight came stealing

on-the rooks became more quiet-I became more weary, and wished I were going home tomorrow.

At length it grew dark; and I was thinking of ringing for a candle, and betaking myself to bed, when my

hostess appeared, with many apologies for having neglected me so long, and laying all the blame upon that

"If I didn't sit with her in the drawingroom while Sir Thomas is taking his wine," said she, "she would never

forgive me; and then, if I leave the room the instant he comes-as I have done once or twice-it is an

unpardonable offence against her dear Thomas. She never shewed such disrespect to her husband-and as for

affection, wives never think of that nowadays, she supposes; but things were different in her time-As if

there was any good to be done, by staying in the room, when he does nothing but grumble and scold when

he's in a bad humour, talk disgusting nonsense when he's in a good one, and go to sleep on the sofa when he's

too stupid for either, which is most frequently the case, now when he has nothing to do but to sot over his

"But could you not try to occupy his mind with something better; and engage him to give up such habits? I'm

sure you have powers of persuasion, and qualifications for amusing a gentleman, which many ladies would

"And so you think I would lay myself out for his amusement! No; that's not my idea of a wife. It's the

husband's part to please the wife, not hers to please him; and if he isn't satisfied with her as she is-and

thankful to possess her too, he isn't worthy of her-that's all. And as for persuasion, I assure you I shan't

trouble myself with that: I've enough to do to bear with him as he is, without attempting to work a reform.

But I'm sorry I left you so long alone, Miss Grey. How have you passed the time?"

"Mercy, how dull you must have been! I really must show you the library; and you must ring for everything

you want, just as you would in an inn, and make yourself comfortable. I have selfish reasons for wishing to

make you happy, because I want you to stay with me, and not fulfil your horrid threat of running away in a

"Well, don't let me keep you out of the drawingroom any longer tonight, for at present I am tired, and wish

I CAME down a little before eight, next morning, as I knew by the striking of a distant clock. There was no

appearance of breakfast. I waited above an hour before it came, still vainly longing for access to the library;

and, after that lonely repast was concluded, I waited again about an hour and a half in great suspense and

At length Lady Ashby came to bid me good morning. She informed me she had only just breakfasted, and

now wanted me to take an early walk with her in the park. She asked how long I had been up, and on

receiving my answer, expressed the deepest regret, and again promised to show me the library.

I suggested she had better do so at once, and then there would be no further trouble either with remembering

or forgetting. She complied, on condition that I would not think of reading, or bothering with the books now,

for she wanted to show me the gardens, and take a walk in the park with me, before it became too hot for

enjoyment, which, indeed, was nearly the case already. Of course, I readily assented; and we took our walk

As we were strolling in the park, talking of what my companion had seen and heard during her travelling

experience, a gentleman on horseback rode up and passed us. As he turned, in passing, and stared me full in

the face, I had a good opportunity of seeing what he was like. He was tall, thin, and wasted, with a slight

stoop in the shoulders, a pale face, but somewhat blotchy, and disagreeably red about the eyelids, plain

features, and a general appearance of langour and flatness, relieved by a sinister expression about the mouth

"I detest that man," whispered Lady Ashby with bitter emphasis, as he slowly trotted by.

"Who is it?" I asked, unwilling to suppose that she should so speak of her husband.

"And do you detest him, Miss Murray?" said I, for I was too much shocked to remember her name at the

"Yes, I do, Miss Grey, and despise him too! and if you knew him, you would not blame me."

"No; I only thought so;-I did not half know him really. I know you warned me against it; and I wish I had

listened to you-but it's too late to regret that now-and besides, mamma ought to have known better than either

of us; and she never said anything against it-quite the contrary-and then I thought he adored me, and would

let me have my own way-he did pretend to do so at first; but now he does not care a bit about me. But I

should not care for that; he might do as he pleased, if I might only be free to amuse myself and to stay in

London, or have a few friends down here ... but he will do as he pleases-and I must be a prisoner and a slave.

The moment he saw I could enjoy myself without him, and that others knew my value better than himself, the

selfish wretch began to accuse me of coquetry and extravagance; and to abuse Harry Meltham, whose shoes

he was not worthy to clean;-and then, he must needs have me down in the country, to lead the life of a nun,

lest I should dishonour him or bring him to ruin, as if he had not been ten times worse every way-with his

betting book, and his gaming table, and his opera girls, and his Lady this and Mrs that-yes, and his bottles of

wine, and glasses of brandy and water too-filthy beast! Oh, I would give ten thousand worlds to be Miss

Murray again! It is too bad to feel life, health, and beauty wasting away, unfelt and unenjoyed, for such a

brute as that!" exclaimed she, fairly bursting into tears in the bitterness of her vexation.

Of course, I pitied her exceedingly, as well for her false idea of happiness and disregard of duty, as for the

I said what I could to comfort her, and offered such counsels as I thought she most required, advising her,

first, by gentle reasoning, by kindness, example, and persuasion to try to ameliorate her husband; and then,

when she had done all she could, if she still found him incorrigible, to endeavour to abstract herself from

him-to wrap herself up in her own integrity, and trouble herself as little about him as possible. I exhorted her

to seek consolation in doing her duty to God and man, to put her trust in Heaven, and solace herself with the

care and nurture of her little daughter, assuring her she would be amply rewarded by witnessing its progress

"But I can't devote myself entirely to a child," said she, "it may die-which is not at all improbable."

"No matter-I should like it better if it were a boy-only that its father will leave it no inheritance that he can

possibly squander away. What pleasure can I have in seeing a girl grow up to eclipse me, and enjoy those

pleasures that I am for ever debarred from? But supposing I could be so generous as to take delight in this,

still it is only a child; and I can't centre all my hopes in a child; that is only one degree better than devoting

oneself to a dog. And as for all the wisdom and goodness you have been trying to instil into me-that is all

very right and proper I dare say; and if I were some twenty years older, I might fructify by it; but people must

enjoy themselves when they're young-and if others won't let them-why, they must hate them for it!"

"The best way to enjoy yourself is to do what is right, and hate nobody. The end of Religion is not to teach us

how to die, but how to live; and the earlier you become wise and good, the more of happiness you secure.

And now, Lady Ashby, I have one more piece of advice to offer you, which is that you will not make an

enemy of your motherinlaw. Don't get into the way of holding her at arm's length, and regarding her with

jealous distrust. I never saw her, but I have heard good as well as evil respecting her, and I imagine that,

though cold and haughty in her general demeanour, and even exacting in her requirements, she has strong

affections for those who can reach them; and, though so blindly attached to her son, she is not without good

principles, or incapable of hearing reason; and if you would but conciliate her a little, and adopt a friendly,

open manner-and even confide your grievances to her ... real grievances, such as you have a right to complain

of ... it is my firm belief that she would, in time, become your faithful friend, and a comfort and support to

But I fear my advice had little effect upon the unfortunate young lady; and, finding I could render myself so

little serviceable, my residence at Ashby Park became doubly painful. But still, I must stay out that day and

the following one, as I had promised to do so; though, resisting all in treaties and inducements to prolong

my visit further, I insisted upon departing the next morning, affirming that my mother would be lonely

Nevertheless, it was with a heavy heart that I bade adieu to poor Lady Ashby and left her in her princely

home. It was no slight additional proof of her unhappiness, that she should so cling to the consolation of my

presence, and earnestly desire the company of one whose general tastes and ideas were so little congenial to

her own, whom she had completely forgotten in her hours of prosperity, and whose presence would be rather

OUR school was not situated in the heart of the town: on entering A- from the northwest there is a row of

respectable looking houses, on each side of the broad, white road, with narrow slips of garden ground before

them, Venetian blinds to the windows, and a flight of steps leading to each trim, brasshandled door. In one

of the largest of these habitations dwelt my mother and I, with such young ladies as our friends and the public

chose to commit to our charge. Consequently, we were a considerable distance from the sea, and divided

from it by a labyrinth of streets and houses. But the sea was my delight; and I would often gladly pierce the

town to obtain the pleasure of a walk beside it, whether with the pupils, or alone with my mother during the

vacations. It was delightful to me at all times and seasons, but especially in the wild commotion of a rough

I awoke early on the third morning after my return from Ashby Park ... the sun was shining through the blind,

and I thought how pleasant it would be to pass through the quiet town and take a solitary ramble on the sands

while half the world was in bed. I was not long in forming the resolution, nor slow to act upon it. Of course I

would not disturb my mother, so I stole noiselessly downstairs, and quietly unfastened the door. I was

There was a feeling of freshness and vigour in the very streets; and when I got free of the town, when my foot

was on the sands and my face towards the broad, bright bay ... no language can describe the effect of the

deep, clear azure of the sky and ocean, the bright morning sunshine on the semicircular barrier of craggy

cliffs surmounted by green swelling hills, and on the smooth, wide sands, and the low rocks out at sea ...

looking, with their clothing of weeds and moss, like little grass grown islands-and above all, on the brilliant,

sparkling waves. And then, the unspeakable purity and freshness of the air! there was just enough heat to

enhance the value of the breeze, and just enough wind to keep the whole sea in motion, to make the waves

come bounding to the shore, foaming and sparkling, as if wild with glee. Nothing else was stirring-no living

creature was visible besides myself. My footsteps were the first to press the firm, unbroken sands;-nothing

before had trampled them since last night's flowing tide had obliterated the deepest marks of yesterday, and

left it fair and even, except where the subsiding water had left behind it the traces of dimpled pools, and little

Refreshed, delighted, invigorated, I walked along, forgetting all my cares, feeling as if I had wings to my feet,

and could go at least forty miles without fatigue, and experiencing a sense of exhilaration to which I had been

an entire stranger since the days of early youth. About half past six however, the grooms began to come down

to air their masters' horses-first one, and then another, till there were some dozen horses and five or six riders;

but that need not trouble me, for they would not come as far as the low rocks which I was now approaching.

When I had reached these, and walked over the moist, slippery seaweed, (at the risk of floundering into one

of the numerous pools of clear, salt water that lay between them,) to a little mossy promontory with the sea

splashing round it, I looked back again to see who next was stirring. Still, there were only the early grooms

with their horses, and one gentleman with a little dark speck of a dog running before him, and one watercart

coming out of the town to get water for the baths. In another minute or two, the distant bathing machines

would begin to move: and then the elderly gentlemen, of regular habits, and sober quaker ladies would be

coming to take their salutary morning walks. But however interesting such a scene might be, I could not wait

to witness it, for the sun and the sea so dazzled my eyes in that direction, that I could but afford one glance;

and then I turned again to delight myself with the sight and the sound of the sea dashing against my

promontory-with no prodigious force, for the swell was broken by the tangled seaweed and the unseen rocks

But the tide was coming in; the water was rising; the gulfs and lakes were filling; the straits were widening: it

was time to seek some safer footing; so I walked, skipped, and stumbled back to the smooth, wide sands, and

resolved to proceed to a certain bold projection in the cliffs, and then return.

Presently, I heard a snuffling sound behind me, and then a dog came frisking and wriggling to my feet. It was

my own Snap-the little dark, wirehaired terrier! When I spoke his name, he leapt up in my face, and yelled

Almost as much delighted as himself, I caught the little creature in my arms, and kissed him repeatedly. But

how came he to be there? He could not have dropped from the sky, or come all that way alone: it must be

either his master, the ratcatcher, or somebody else that had brought him; so, repressing my extravagant

caresses, and endeavouring to repress his likewise, I looked round, and beheld-Mr Weston!

"Your dog remembers you well, Miss Grey," said he, warmly grasping the hand I offered him without clearly

"Not often so early as this," I replied, with amazing composure, considering all the circumstances of the case.

He consulted his watch-a gold one now-and told me it was only five minutes past seven.

"But doubtless, you have had a long enough walk," said he, turning towards the town, to which I now

Never could discover? Had he endeavoured to do so, then? I told him the place of our abode.

He asked how we prospered in our affairs; I told him we were doing very well,-that we had had a

considerable addition to our pupils after the Christmas vacation, and expected a still further increase at the

"No, it is my mother," I replied; "she manages things so well, and is so active, and clever, and kind."

"I should like to know your mother-Will you introduce me to her sometime if I call?"

"And will you allow me the privilege of an old friend, of looking in upon you now and then?"

This was a very foolish answer, but the truth was, I considered that I had no right to invite any one to my

mother's house without her knowledge; and if I had said, "yes, if my mother does not object," it would appear

as if, by his question, I understood more than was expected, so, supposing she would not, I added, "I suppose

so," but of course I should have said something more sensible and more polite if I had had my wits about me.

We continued our walk for a minute in silence, which, however, was shortly relieved, (no small relief to me,)

by Mr Weston commenting upon the brightness of the morning, and the beauty of the bay, and then, upon the

"You don't ask what brings me to A-," said he. "You can't suppose I'm rich enough to come for my own

"You didn't hear then, that I had got the living of F-?" F- was a village about two miles distant from A-.

"No," said I; "we live so completely out of the world, even here, that news seldom reaches me through any

quarter-except through the medium of the - Gazette. But I hope you like your new parish; and that I may

"I expect to like my parish better a year or two hence, when I have worked certain reforms I have set my

heart upon-or, at least, progressed some steps towards such an achievement; but you may congratulate me,

now, for I find it very agreeable to have a parish all to myself with nobody to interfere with me-to thwart my

plans or cripple my exertions; and besides, I have a respectable house in a rather pleasant neighbourhood, and

three hundred pounds a year; and in fact, I have nothing but solitude to complain of; and nothing but a

He looked at me as he concluded; and the flash of his dark eyes seemed to set my face on fire, greatly to my

I made an effort, therefore, to remedy the evil, and disclaim all personal application of the remark, by a hasty,

illexpressed reply to the effect that, if he waited till he was well known in the neighbourhood, he might have

numerous opportunities for supplying his want among the residents of F-, and its vicinity, or the visitors to

A-, if he required so ample a choice; not considering the compliment implied by such an assertion, till his

"I am not so presumptuous as to believe that," said he, "though you tell it me; but if it were so-I am rather

particular in my notions of a companion for life, and perhaps I might not find one to suit me among the ladies

Here the conversation was interrupted by a watercart lumbering past us, for we were now come to the busy

part of the sands; and, for the next eight or ten minutes, between carts and horses, and asses, and men, there

was little room for social intercourse, till we had turned our backs upon the sea, and began to ascend the

precipitous road leading into the town. Here my companion offered me his arm, which I accepted, though not

"You don't often come on to the sands, I think," said he, "for I have walked there many times, both morning

and evening, since I came, and never seen you till now; and several times, in passing through the town, too, I

have looked about for your school-but I did not think of the - Road; and once or twice I made inquiries-but

When we had surmounted the acclivity, I was about to withdraw my arm from his, but by a slight tightening

of the elbow was tacitly informed that such was not his will, and accordingly desisted.

Discoursing on different subjects, we entered the town, and passed through several streets; I saw that he was

going out of his way to accompany me, notwithstanding the long walk that was yet before him; and, fearing

that he might be inconveniencing himself from motives of politeness, I observed-

"I fear I am taking you out of your way, Mr Weston-I believe the road to F- lies quite in another direction."

The end of the next street was nearly the conclusion of my journey. He stopped there, however, bid me good

morning, and called Snap who seemed a little doubtful whether to follow his old mistress or his new master,

"I won't offer to restore him to you, Miss Grey," said Mr Weston, smiling, "because I like him."

"Oh, I don't want him," replied I; "now that he has a good master, I'm quite satisfied."

The man and the dog departed, and I returned home, full of gratitude to Heaven for so much bliss, and

"WELL, Agnes, you must not take such long walks again before breakfast," said my mother, observing that I

drank an extra cup of coffee and eat nothing-pleading the heat of the weather, and the fatigue of my long

"You always do things by extremes: now, if you had taken a short walk every morning, and would continue

"But this is worse than lying in bed, or bending over your books; you have quite put yourself into a fever."

I was racking my brains with thinking how to tell her about Mr Weston, for she must know he was coming

tomorrow. However, I waited till the breakfast things were removed, and I was more calm and cool; and

"Two old friends indeed. One was a dog," and then I reminded her of Snap whose history I had recounted

before, and related the incident of his sudden appearance and remarkable recognition, "and the other,"

"Yes, you have: I've mentioned him several times, I believe: but you don't remember."

"Mr Hatfield was the rector, and Mr Weston the curate; I used to mention him sometimes in contradistinction

to Mr Hatfield, as being a more efficient clergyman. However, he was on the sands this morning with the

dog-he had bought it, I suppose, from the ratcatcher; and he knew me as well as it did-probably through its

means; and I had a little conversation with him, in the course of which, as he asked about our school, I was

led to say something about you and your good management; and he said he should like to know you, and

asked if I would introduce him to you, if he should take the liberty of calling tomorrow, so I said I would.

"A very respectable man, I think; but you will see him tomorrow. He is the new vicar of F-, and as he has

only been there a few weeks, I suppose he has made no friends yet, and wants a little society."

The morrow came. What a fever of anxiety and expectation I was in from breakfast till noon-at which time he

Having introduced him to my mother, I took my work to the window, and sat down to await the result of the

They got on extremely well together, greatly to my satisfaction, for I had felt very anxious about what my

mother would think of him. He did not stay long that time; but when he rose to take leave, she said she should

be happy to see him, whenever he might find it convenient to call again; and when he was gone, I was

"Well! I think he is a very sensible man. But why did you sit back there, Agnes," she added, "and talk so

"Because you talked so well, mama, I thought you required no assistance from me; and, besides, he was your

After that, he often called upon us-several times in the course of a week. He generally addressed most of his

conversation to my mother; and no wonder, for she could converse. I almost envied the unfettered, vigorous

fluency of her discourse, and the strong sense evinced by everything she said-and yet, I did not, for though I

occasionally regretted my own deficiencies for his sake, it gave me very great pleasure to sit and hear the two

beings I loved and honoured above every one else in the world, discoursing together so amicably, so wisely,

I was not always silent, however; nor was I at all neglected. I was quite as much noticed as I would wish to

be: there was no lack of kind words and kinder looks, no end of delicate attentions, too fine and subtle to be

Ceremony was quickly dropped between us, Mr Weston came as an expected guest, welcome at all times, and

never deranging the economy of our household affairs. He even called me "Agnes;" the name had been

timidly spoken at first, but, finding it gave no offence in any quarter, he seemed greatly to prefer that

How tedious and gloomy were those days in which he did not come! And yet not miserable, for I had still the

remembrance of the last visit and the hope of the next to cheer me. But when two or three days passed

without my seeing him, I certainly felt very anxious-absurdly, unreasonably so, for, of course, he had his own

business and the affairs of his parish to attend to: and I dreaded the close of the holidays, when my business

also would begin, and I should be sometimes unable to see him, and sometimes ... when my mother was in

the schoolroom-obliged to be with him alone, a position I did not at all desire ... in the house, though to

One evening, however, in the last week of the vacation, he arrived-unexpectedly, for a heavy and protracted

thunder shower during the afternoon had almost destroyed my hopes of seeing him that day; but now the

"A beautiful evening, Mrs Grey!" said he, as he entered. "Agnes, I want you to take a walk with me to," (he

named a certain part of the coast ... a bold hill on the land side, and towards the sea, a steep precipice, from

the summit of which a glorious view is to be had.) "The rain has laid the dust, and cooled and cleared the air,

I went to get ready, and was down again in a few minutes, though, of course, I took a little more pains with

my attire than if I had merely been going out on some shopping expedition alone.

The thundershower had certainly had a most beneficial effect upon the weather, and the evening was most

delightful. Mr Weston would have me to take his arm: he said little during our passage through the crowded

I wondered what was the matter, and felt an indefinite dread that something unpleasant was on his mind; and

vague surmises, concerning what it might be, troubled me not a little, and made me grave and silent enough.

But these fantasies vanished upon reaching the quiet outskirts of the town, for as soon as we came within

sight of the venerable old church, and the -hill, with the deep blue sea beyond it, I found my companion was

"I'm afraid I've been walking too fast for you, Agnes," said he; "in my impatience to get rid of the town, I

forgot to consult your convenience; but now, we'll walk as slowly as you please: I see, by those light clouds

in the west, there will be a brilliant sunset, and we shall be in time to witness its effect upon the sea, at the

When we had got about half way up the hill, we fell into silence again, which, as usual, he was the first to

"My house is desolate yet, Miss Grey," he smilingly observed, "and I am acquainted now with all the ladies

in my parish, and several in this town too; and many others I know by sight and by report; but not one of

them will suit me for a companion ... in fact, there is only one person in the world that will; and that is

He laid his hand on mine that rested on his arm: he must have felt it tremble ... but it was no great matter

"I hope I have not been too precipitate," he said, in a serious tone. "You must have known that it was not my

way to flatter and talk soft nonsense, or even to speak the admiration that I felt; and that a single word or

glance of mine meant more than the honied phrases and fervent protestations of most other men."

I said something about not liking to leave my mother, and doing nothing without her consent.

"I settled everything with Mrs Grey while you were putting on your bonnet," replied he. "She said I might

have her consent if I could obtain yours; and I asked her, in case I should be so happy, to come and live with

us-for I was sure you would like it better; but she refused, saying she could now afford to employ an

assistant, and would continue the school till she could purchase an annuity sufficient to maintain her in

comfortable lodgings; and meantime she would spend her vacations alternately with us and your sister, and

should be quite contented if you were happy. And so now I have overruled your objections on her account.

Here I pause. My diary, from which I compiled these pages, goes but little farther. I could go on for years; but

I will content myself with adding, that I shall never forget that glorious Summer evening, and always

remember with delight that steep hill, and the edge of the precipice where we stood together watching the

splendid sunset mirrored on the restless world of waters at our feet-with hearts filled with gratitude to

A few weeks after that, when my mother had supplied herself with an assistant, I became the wife of Edward

Weston, and never have found cause to repent it, and am certain that I never shall. We have had trials, and we

know that we must have them again; but we bear them well together, and endeavour to fortify ourselves and

each other against the final separation-that greatest of all afflictions to the survivor; but, if we keep in mind

the glorious heaven beyond, where both may meet again, and sin and sorrow are unknown, surely that too

may be borne; and, meantime, we endeavour to live to the glory of Him who has scattered so many blessings

Edward, by his strenuous exertions, has worked sur prising reforms in his parish, and is esteemed and loved

by its inhabitants-as he deserves-for whatever his faults may be as a man, (and no one is entirely without,) I

Our children, Edward, Agnes, and little Mary, promise well; their education, for the time being, is chiefly

committed to me; and they shall want no good thing that a mother's care can give.

Our modest income is amply sufficient for our requirements; and by practising the economy we learnt in

harder times, and never attempting to imitate our richer neighbours, we manage not only to enjoy comfort and

contentment ourselves, but to have every year something to lay by for our children, and something to give to