Title: Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds
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Author: Aristophanes
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Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds
Aristophanes
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Table of Contents
Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds ................................................................................................................................1
Aristophanes............................................................................................................................................1
Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds
i
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Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds
Aristophanes
Lysistrata
The Birds
Clouds
LYSISTRATA
by Aristophanes
anonymous translator
CHARACTERS IN THE PLAY
LYSISTRATA
CLEONICE
MYRRHINE
LAMPITO
MAGISTRATES
CINESIAS
CHILD OF CINESIAS
HERALD OF THE LACEDAEMONIANS
ENVOYS OF THE LACEDAEMONIANS
AN ATHENIAN CITIZEN
CHORUS OF OLD MEN
CHORUS OF WOMEN
LYSISTRATA
(SCENE:At the base of the Orchestra are two buildings, the house
of LYSISTRATA and the entrance to the Acropolis; a winding and
narrow path leads up to the latter. Between the two buildings is the
opening of the Cave of Pan. LYSISTRATA is pacing up and down in
front of her house.)
LYSISTRATA
Ah! if only they had been invited to a Bacchic revelling, or a
feast of Pan or Aphrodite or Genetyllis, why! the streets would have
been impassable for the thronging tambourines! Now there's never a
woman hereah! except my neighbour Cleonice, whom I see approaching
yonder.... Good day, Cleonice.
CLEONICE
Good day, Lysistrata; but pray, why this dark, forbidding face, my
dear? Believe me, you don't look a bit pretty with those black
lowering brows.
LYSISTRATA
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Oh, Cleonice, my heart is on fire; I blush for our sex. Men will
have it we are tricky and sly....
CLEONICE
And they are quite right, upon my word!
LYSISTRATA
Yet, look you, when the women are summoned to meet for a matter of
the greatest importance, they lie in bed instead of coming.
CLEONICE
Oh! they will come, my dear; but it's not easy, you know, for
women to leave the house. One is busy pottering about her husband;
another is getting the servant up; a third is putting her child asleep
or washing the brat or feeding it.
LYSISTRATA
But I tell you, the business that calls them here is far and
away more urgent.
CLEONICE
And why do you summon us, dear Lysistrata? What is it all about?
LYSISTRATA
About a big thing.
CLEONICE (taking this in a different sense; with great interest)
And is it thick too?
LYSISTRATA
Yes, very thick.
CLEONICE
And we are not all on the spot! Imagine!
LYSISTRATA (wearily)
Oh! if it were what you suppose, there would be never an absentee.
No, no, it concerns a thing I have turned about and about this way and
that so many sleepless nights.
CLEONICE (still unable to be serious)
It must be something mighty fine and subtle for you to have turned
it about so!
LYSISTRATA
So fine, it means just this, Greece saved by the women!
CLEONICE
By the women! Why, its salvation hangs on a poor thread then!
LYSISTRATA
Our country's fortunes depend on usit is with us to undo
utterly the Peloponnesians.
CLEONICE
That would be a noble deed truly!
LYSISTRATA
To exterminate the Boeotians to a man!
CLEONICE
But surely you would spare the eels.
LYSISTRATA
For Athens' sake I will never threaten so fell a doom; trust me
for that. However, if the Boeotian and Peloponnesian women join us,
Greece is saved.
CLEONICE
But how should women perform so wise and glorious an
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achievement, we women who dwell in the retirement of the household,
clad in diaphanous garments of yellow silk and long flowing gowns,
decked out with flowers and shod with dainty little slippers?
LYSISTRATA
Ah, but those are the very sheetanchors of our salvationthose
yellow tunics, those scents and slippers, those cosmetics and
transparent robes.
CLEONICE
How so, pray?
LYSISTRATA
There is not a man will wield a lance against another...
CLEONICE
Quick, I will get me a yellow tunic from the dyer's.
LYSISTRATA
...or want a shield.
CLEONICE
I'll run and put on a flowing gown.
LYSISTRATA
...or draw a sword.
CLEONICE
I'll haste and buy a pair of slippers this instant.
LYSISTRATA
Now tell me, would not the women have done best to come?
CLEONICE
Why, they should have flown here!
LYSISTRATA
Ah! my dear, you'll see that like true Athenians, they will do
everything too late.... Why, there's not a woman come from the
shore, not one from Salamis.
CLEONICE
But I know for certain they embarked at daybreak.
LYSISTRATA
And the dames from Acharnae! why, I thought they would have been
the very first to arrive.
CLEONICE
Theagenes' wife at any rate is sure to come; she has actually been
to consult Hecate.... But look! here are some arrivalsand there are
more behind. Ah! ha! now what countrywomen may they be?
LYSISTRATA
They are from Anagyra.
CLEONICE
Yes! upon my word, 'tis a levy en masse of all the female
population of Anagyra!
(MYRRHINE enters, followed by other women.)
MYRRHINE
Are we late, Lysistrata? Tell us, pray; what, not a word?
LYSISTRATA
I cannot say much for you, Myrrhine! you have not bestirred
yourself overmuch for an affair of such urgency.
MYRRHINE
I could not find my girdle in the dark. However, if the matter
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is so pressing, here we are; so speak.
CLEONICE
No, let's wait a moment more, till the women of Boeotia arrive and
those from the Peloponnese.
LYSISTRATA
Yes, that is best.... Ah! here comes Lampito. (LAMPITO, a husky
Spartan damsel, enters with three others, two from Boeotia and one
from Corinth.) Good day, Lampito, dear friend from Lacedaemon. How
well and handsome you look! what a rosy complexion! and how strong you
seem; why, you could strangle a bull surely!
LAMPITO
Yes, indeed, I really think I could. It's because I do
gymnastics and practise the bottomkicking dance.
CLEONICE (opening LAMPITO'S robe and baring her bosom)
And what superb breasts!
LAMPITO
La! you are feeling me as if I were a beast for sacrifice.
LYSISTRATA
And this young woman, where is she from?
LAMPITO
She is a noble lady from Boeotia.
LYSISTRATA
Ah! my pretty Boeotian friend, you are as blooming as a garden.
CLEONICE (making another inspection)
Yes, on my word! and her "garden" is so thoroughly weeded too!
LYSISTRATA (pointing to the Corinthian)
And who is this?
LAMPITO
'Tis an honest woman, by my faith! she comes from Corinth.
CLEONICE
Oh! honest, no doubt thenas honesty goes at Corinth.
LAMPITO
But who has called together this council of women, pray?
LYSISTRATA
I have.
LAMPITO
Well then, tell us what you want of us.
CLEONICE
Yes, please tell us! What is this very important business you wish
to inform us about?
LYSISTRATA
I will tell you. But first answer me one question.
CLEONICE
Anything you wish.
LYSISTRATA
Don't you feel sad and sorry because the fathers of your
children are far away from you with the army? For I'll wager there
is not one of you whose husband is not abroad at this moment.
CLEONICE
Mine has been the last five months in Thracelooking after
Eucrates.
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MYRRHINE
It's seven long months since mine left for Pylos.
LAMPITO
As for mine, if he ever does return from service, he's no sooner
home than he takes down his shield again and flies back to the wars.
LYSISTRATA
And not so much as the shadow of a lover! Since the day the
Milesians betrayed us, I have never once seen an eightinch gadget
even, to be a leathern consolation to us poor widows.... Now tell
me, if I have discovered a means of ending the war, will you all
second me?
CLEONICE
Yes verily, by all the goddesses, I swear I will, though I have to
put my gown in pawn, and drink the money the same day.
MYRRHINE
And so will I, though I must be split in two like a flatfish, and
have half myself removed.
LAMPITO
And I too; why to secure peace, I would climb to the top of
Mount Taygetus.
LYSISTRATA
Then I will out with it at last, my mighty secret! Oh! sister
women, if we would compel our husbands to make peace, we must
refrain...
CLEONICE
Refrain from what? tell us, tell us!
LYSISTRATA
But will you do it?
MYRRHINE
We will, we will, though we should die of it.
LYSISTRATA
We must refrain from the male altogether.... Nay, why do you
turn your backs on me? Where are you going? So, you bite your lips,
and shake your heads, eh? Why these pale, sad looks? why these
tears? Come, will you do ityes or no? Do you hesitate?
CLEONICE
I will not do it, let the war go on.
MYRRHINE
Nor will I; let the war go on.
LYSISTRATA (to MYRRHINE)
And you say this, my pretty flatfish, who declared just now
they might split you in two?
CLEONICE
Anything, anything but that! Bid me go through the fire, if you
will,but to rob us of the sweetest thing in all the world, Lysistrata
darling!
LYSISTRATA (to MYRRHINE)
And you?
MYRRHINE
Yes, I agree with the others; I too would sooner go through the
fire.
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LYSISTRATA
Oh, wanton, vicious sex! the poets have done well to make
tragedies upon us; we are good for nothing then but love and lewdness!
But you, my dear, you from hardy Sparta, if you join me, all may yet
be well; help me, second me, I beg you.
LAMPITO
'Tis a hard thing, by the two goddesses it is! for a woman to
sleep alone without ever a strong male in her bed. But there, peace
must come first.
LYSISTRATA
Oh, my darling, my dearest, best friend, you are the only one
deserving the name of woman!
CLEONICE
But ifwhich the gods forbidwe do refrain altogether from what
you say, should we get peace any sooner?
LYSISTRATA
Of course we should, by the goddesses twain! We need only sit
indoors with painted cheeks, and meet our mates lightly clad in
transparent gowns of Amorgos silk, and perfectly depilated; they
will get their tools up and be wild to lie with us. That will be the
time to refuse, and they will hasten to make peace, I am convinced
of that!
LAMPITO
Yes, just as Menelaus, when he saw Helen's naked bosom, threw away
his sword, they say.
CLEONICE
But, oh dear, suppose our husbands go away and leave us.
LYSISTRATA
Then, as Pherecrates says, we must "flay a skinned dog," that's
all.
CLEONICE
Fiddlesticks! these proverbs are all idle talk.... But if our
husbands drag us by main force into the bedchamber?
LYSISTRATA
Hold on to the door posts.
CLEONICE
But if they beat us?
LYSISTRATA
Then yield to their wishes, but with a bad grace; there is no
pleasure in it for them, when they do it by force. Besides, there
are a thousand ways of tormenting them. Never fear, they'll soon
tire of the game; there's no satisfaction for a man, unless the
woman shares it.
CLEONICE
Very well, if you must have it so, we agree.
LAMPITO
For ourselves, no doubt we shall persuade our husbands to conclude
a fair and honest peace; but there is the Athenian populace, how are
we to cure these folk of their warlike frenzy?
LYSISTRATA
Have no fear; we undertake to make our own people listen to
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reason.
LAMPITO
That's impossible, so long as they have their trusty ships and the
vast treasures stored in the temple of Athene.
LYSISTRATA
Ah! but we have seen to that; this very day the Acropolis will
be in our hands. That is the task assigned to the older women; while
we are here in council, they are going, under pretence of offering
sacrifice, to seize the citadel.
LAMPITO
Well said indeed! everything is going for the best.
LYSISTRATA
Come, quick, Lampito, and let us bind ourselves by an inviolable
oath.
LAMPITO
Recite the terms; we will swear to them.
LYSISTRATA
With pleasure. Where is our Scythian policewoman? Now, what are
you staring at, pray? Lay this shield on the earth before us, its
hollow upwards, and someone bring me the victim's inwards.
CLEONICE
Lysistrata, say, what oath are we to swear?
LYSISTRATA
What oath? Why, in Aeschylus, they sacrifice a sheep, and swear
over a buckler; we will do the same.
CLEONICE
No, Lysistrata, one cannot swear peace over a buckler, surely.
LYSISTRATA
What other oath do you prefer?
CLEONICE
Let's take a white horse, and sacrifice it, and swear on its
entrails.
LYSISTRATA
But where shall we get a white horse?
CLEONICE
Well, what oath shall we take then?
LYSISTRATA
Listen to me. Let's set a great black bowl on the ground; let's
sacrifice a skin of Thasian wine into it, and take oath not to add one
single drop of water.
LAMPITO
Ah! that's an oath pleases me more than I can say.
LYSISTRATA
Let them bring me a bowl and a skin of wine.
CLEONICE
Ah! my dears, what a noble big bowl! what fun it will be to
empty it
LYSISTRATA
Set the bowl down on the ground, and lay your hands on the victim.
...Almighty goddess, Persuasion, and thou, bowl, boon comrade of joy
and merriment, receive this our sacrifice, and be propitious to us
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poor women!
CLEONICE (as LYSISTRATA pours the wine into the bowl)
Oh! the fine red blood! how well it flows!
LAMPITO
And what a delicious bouquet, by Castor!
CLEONICE
Now, my dears, let me swear first, if you please.
LYSISTRATA
No, by Aphrodite, unless it's decided by lot. But come, then,
Lampito, and all of you, put your hands to the bowl; and do you,
Cleonice, repeat for all the rest the solemn terms I am going to
recite. Then you must all swear, and pledge yourselves by the same
promises,I will have naught to do whether with lover or husband...
CLEONICE (faintly)
I will have naught to do whether with lover or husband...
LYSISTRATA
Albeit he come to me with an erection...
CLEONICE (her voice quavering)
Albeit he come to me with an erection... (in despair) Oh!
Lysistrata, I cannot bear it!
LYSISTRATA (ignoring this outburst)
I will live at home unbulled...
CLEONICE
I will live at home unbulled...
LYSISTRATA
Beautifully dressed and wearing a saffroncoloured gown
CLEONICE
Beautifully dressed and wearing a saffroncoloured gown...
LYSISTRATA
To the end I may inspire my husband with the most ardent longings.
CLEONICE
To the end I may inspire my husband with the most ardent longings.
LYSISTRATA
Never will I give myself voluntarily...
CLEONICE
Never will I give myself voluntarily...
LYSISTRATA
And if he has me by force...
CLEONICE
And if he has me by force...
LYSISTRATA
I will be cold as ice, and never stir a limb...
CLEONICE
I will be cold as ice, and never stir a limb...
LYSISTRATA
I will neither extend my Persian slippers toward the ceiling...
CLEONICE
I will neither extend my Persian slippers toward the ceiling...
LYSISTRATA
Nor will I crouch like the carven lions on a knifehandle.
CLEONICE
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Nor will I crouch like the carven lions on a knifehandle.
LYSISTRATA
And if I keep my oath, may I be suffered to drink of this wine.
CLEONICE (more courageously)
And if I keep my oath, may I be suffered to drink of this wine.
LYSISTRATA
But if I break it, let my bowl be filled with water.
CLEONICE
But if I break it, let my bowl be filled with water.
LYSISTRATA
Will you all take this oath?
ALL
We do.
LYSISTRATA
Then I'll now consume this remnant.
(She drinks.)
CLEONICE (reaching for the cup)
Enough, enough, my dear; now let us all drink in turn to cement
our friendship.
(They pass the cup around and all drink. A great commotion is
heard off stage.)
LAMPITO
Listen! what do those cries mean?
LYSISTRATA
It's what I was telling you; the women have just occupied the
Acropolis. So now, Lampito, you return to Sparta to organize the plot,
while your comrades here remain as hostages. For ourselves, let us
go and join the rest in the citadel, and let us push the bolts well
home.
CLEONICE
But don't you think the men will march up against us?
LYSISTRATA
I laugh at them. Neither threats nor flames shall force our doors;
they shall open only on the conditions I have named.
CLEONICE
Yes, yes, by Aphrodite; otherwise we should be called cowardly and
wretched women.
(She follows LYSISTRATA out.)
(The scene shifts to the entrance of the Acropolis. The CHORUS
OF OLD MEN slowly enters, carrying faggots and pots of fire.)
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Go easy, Draces, go easy; why, your shoulder is all chafed by
these damned heavy olive stocks. But forward still, forward, man, as
needs must.
FIRST SEMICHORUS OF OLD MEN (singing)
What unlookedfor things do happen, to be sure, in a long life!
Ah! Strymodorus, who would ever have thought it? Here we have the
women, who used, for our misfortune, to eat our bread and live in
our houses, daring nowadays to lay hands on the holy image of the
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goddess, to seize the Acropolis and draw bars and bolts to keep any
from entering!
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Come, Philurgus, man, let's hurry there; let's lay our faggots all
about the citadel, and on the blazing pile burn with our hands these
vile conspiratresses, one and alland Lycon's wife first and foremost!
SECOND SEMICHORUS OF OLD MEN (singing)
Nay, by Demeter, never will I let them laugh at me, whiles I
have a breath left in my body. Cleomenes himself, the first who ever
seized our citadel, had to quit it to his sore dishonour; spite his
Lacedaemonian pride, he had to deliver me up his arms and slink off
with a single garment to his back. My word! but he was filthy and
ragged! and what an unkempt beard, to be sure! He had not had a bath
for six long years!
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Oh! but that was a mighty siege! Our men were ranged seventeen
deep before the gate, and never left their posts, even to sleep. These
women, these enemies of Euripides and all the gods, shall I do nothing
to hinder their inordinate insolence? else let them tear down my
trophies of Marathon.
FIRST SEMICHORUS OF OLD MEN (singing)
But look, to finish this toilsome climb only this last steep bit
is left to mount. Truly, it's no easy job without beasts of burden,
and how these logs do bruise my shoulder! Still let us carry on, and
blow up our fire and see it does not go out just as we reach our
destination. Phew! phew! (Blowing the fire) Oh! dear! what a
dreadful smoke!
SECOND SEMICHORUS OF OLD MEN (singing)
It bites my eyes like a mad dog. It is Lemnian fire for sure, or
it would never devour my eyelids like this. Come on, Laches, let's
hurry, let's bring succour to the goddess; it's now or never! Phew!
phew! (Blowing the fire) Oh dear! what a confounded smoke!
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
There now, there's our fire all bright and burning, thank the
gods! Now, why not first put down our loads here, then take a
vinebranch, light it at the brazier and hurl it at the gate by way of
batteringram? If they don't answer our summons by pulling back the
bolts, then we set fire to the woodwork, and the smoke will choke
them. Ye gods! what a smoke! Pfaugh! Is there never a Samian general
will help me unload my burden?Ah! it shall not gall my shoulder any
more. (Setting down the wood) Come, brazier, do your duty, make
the embers flare, that I may kindle a brand; I want to be the first to
hurl one. Aid me, heavenly Victory; let us punish for their insolent
audacity the women who have seized our citadel, and may we raise a
trophy of triumph for success!
(They begin to build a fire. The CHORUS OF WOMEN
now enters, carrying pots of water.)
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
Oh! my dears, methinks I see fire and smoke; can it be a
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conflagration? Let us hurry all we can.
FIRST SEMICHORUS OF WOMEN (singing)
Fly, fly, Nicodice, ere Calyce and Critylle perish in the fire, or
are stifled in the smoke raised by these accursed old men and their
pitiless laws. But, great gods, can it be I come too late? Rising at
dawn, I had the utmost trouble to fill this vessel at the fountain.
Oh! what a crowd there was, and what a din! What a rattling of
waterpots! Servants and slavegirls pushed and thronged me!
However, here I have it full at last; and I am running to carry the
water to my fellowtownswomen, whom our foes are plotting to burn
alive.
SECOND SEMICHORUS OF WOMEN (singing)
News has been brought us that a company of old, doddering
greybeards, loaded with enormous faggots, as if they wanted to heat a
furnace, have taken the field, vomiting dreadful threats, crying
that they must reduce to ashes these horrible women. Suffer them
not, oh! goddess, but, of thy grace, may I see Athens and Greece cured
of their warlike folly. 'Tis to this end, oh! thou guardian deity of
our city, goddess of the golden crest, that they have seized thy
sanctuary. Be their friend and ally, Athene, and if any man hurl
against them lighted firebrands, aid us to carry water to extinguish
them.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
What is this I see, ye wretched old men? Honest and pious folk
ye cannot be who act so vilely.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Ah, ha! here's something new! a swarm of women stand posted
outside to defend the gates!
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
Fart at us, would you? we seem a mighty host, yet you do not see
the tenthousandth part of our sex.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Ho, Phaedrias! shall we stop their cackle? Suppose one of us
were to break a stick across their backs, eh?
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
Let us set down our waterpots on the ground, to be out of the
way, if they should dare to offer us violence.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Let someone knock out two or three teeth for them, as they did
to Bupalus; they won't talk so loud then.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
Come on then; I wait you with unflinching foot, and no other bitch
will ever grab your balls.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Silence! or my stick will cut short your days.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
Now, just you dare to touch Stratyllis with the tip of your
finger!
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
And if I batter you to pieces with my fists, what will you do?
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
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I will tear out your lungs and entrails with my teeth.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Oh! what a clever poet is Euripides! how well he says that woman
is the most shameless of animals.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
Let's pick up our waterjars again, Rhodippe.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
You damned women, what do you mean to do here with your water?
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
And you, old deathinlife, with your fire? Is it to cremate
yourself?
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
I am going to build you a pyre to roast your female friends upon.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
And I,I am going to put out your fire.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
You put out my fireyou?
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
Yes, you shall soon see.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
I don't know what prevents me from roasting you with this torch.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
I am getting you a bath ready to clean off the filth.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
A bath for me, you dirty slut?
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
Yes, indeed, a nuptial bathtee heel
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN (turning to his followers)
Do you hear that? What insolence!
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
I am a free woman, I tell you.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
I will make you hold your tongue, never fear!
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
Ah ha! you shall never sit any more amongst the Heliasts.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN (to his torch)
Burn off her hair for her!
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN (to her pot)
Achelous, do your duty!
(The women pitch the water in their
waterpots over the old men.)
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Oh, dear! oh, dear! oh, dear!
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
Was it hot?
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Hot, great gods! Enough, enough!
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
I'm watering you, to make you bloom afresh.
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LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Alas! I am too dry! Ah, me how! how I am trembling with cold!
(A MAGISTRATE enters, with a few Scythian policemen.)
MAGISTRATE
These women, have they made din enough, I wonder, with their
tambourines? bewept Adonis enough upon their terraces? I was listening
to the speeches last assembly day, and Demostratus, whom heaven
confound! was saying we must all go over to Sicilyand lo! his wife
was dancing round repeating: "Alas! alas! Adonis, woe is me for
Adonis!" Demostratus was saying we must levy hoplites at Zacynthusand
there was his wife, more than half drunk, screaming on the houseroof:
"Weep, weep for Adonis!"while that infamous Mad Ox was bellowing away
on his side.Do you not blush, you women, for your wild and uproarious
doings?
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
But you don't know all their effrontery yet! They abused and
insulted us; then soused us with the water in their waterpots, and
have set us wringing out our clothes, for all the world as if we had
bepissed ourselves.
MAGISTRATE
And well done too, by Posidon! We men must share the blame of
their ill conduct; it is we who teach them to love riot and
dissoluteness and sow the seeds of wickedness in their hearts. You see
a husband go into a shop: "Look you, jeweller," says he, "you remember
the necklace you made for my wife. Well, the other evening, when she
was dancing, the catch came open. Now, I am bound to start for
Salamis; will you make it convenient to go up tonight to make her
fastening secure?" Another will go to the cobbler, a great, strong
fellow, with a great, long tool, and tell him: "The strap of one of my
wife's sandals presses her little toe, which is extremely sensitive;
come in about midday to supple the thing and stretch it." Now see
the results. Take my own caseas a Magistrate I have enlisted
rowers; I want money to pay them, and the women slam the door in my
face. But why do we stand here with arms crossed? Bring me a
crowbar; I'll chastise their insolence!Ho! there, my fine fellow!
(to one of the Scythians) what are, you gaping at the crows for?
looking for a tavern, I suppose, eh? Come on, bring crowbars here, and
force open the gates. I will put a hand to the work myself.
LYSISTRATA (opening the gate and walking out)
No need to force the gates; I am coming outhere I am. And why
bolts and bars? What we want here is not bolts and bars and locks, but
common sense.
MAGISTRATE (jumping nervously, then striving manfully to regain his
dignity)
Really, my fine lady! Where is my officer? I want him to tie
that woman's hands behind her back.
LYSISTRATA
By Artemis, the virgin goddess! if he touches me with the tip of
his finger, officer of the public peace though he be, let him look out
for himself!
(The first Scythian defecates in terror.)
Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds
Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds 13
Page No 16
MAGISTRATE (to another officer)
How now, are you afraid? Seize her, I tell you, round the body.
Two of you at her, and have done with it!
CLEONICE
By Pandrosos! if you lay a hand on her, Ill trample you
underfoot till the crap comes out of you!
(The second Scythian defecates in terror.)
MAGISTRATE
Look at the mess you've made! Where is there another officer? (To
the third Scythian) Bind that minx first, the one who speaks so
prettily!
MYRRHINE
By Phoebe, if you touch her with one finger, you'd better call
quick for a surgeon!
(The third Scythian defecates in terror.)
MAGISTRATE
What's that? Where's the officer? (To the fourth Scythian) Lay
hold of her. Oh! but I'm going to stop your foolishness for you all
CLEONICE
By the Tauric Artemis, if you go near her, I'll pull out your
hair, scream as you like.
(The fourth Scythian defecates in terror.)
MAGISTRATE
Ah! miserable man that I am! My own officers desert me. What ho!
are we to let ourselves be bested by a mob of women? Ho! Scythians
mine, close up your ranks, and forward!
LYSISTRATA
By the holy goddesses! you'll have to make acquaintance with
four companies of women, ready for the fray and well armed to boot.
MAGISTRATE
Forward, Scythians, and bind them!
(The Scythians advance reluctantly.)
LYSISTRATA
Forward, my gallant companions; march forth, ye vendors of grain
and eggs, garlic and vegetables, keepers of taverns and bakeries,
wrench and strike and tear; come, a torrent of invective and insult!
(They beat the Scythians who retire in haste.) Enough, enough now
retire, never rob the vanquished!
(The women withdraw.)
MAGISTRATE
How unfortunate for my officers!
LYSISTRATA
Ah, ha! so you thought you had only to do with a set of
slavewomen! you did not know the ardour that fills the bosom of
freeborn dames.
MAGISTRATE
Ardour! yes, by Apollo, ardour enoughespecially for the winecup!
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Sir, sir what good are words? they are of no avail with wild
beasts of this sort. Don't you know how they have just washed us
downand with no very fragrant soap!
Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds
Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds 14
Page No 17
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
What would you have? You should never have laid rash hands on
us. If you start afresh, I'll knock your eyes out. My delight is to
stay at home as coy as a young maid, without hurting anybody or moving
any more than a milestone; but 'ware the wasps, if you go stirring
up the wasps' nest!
CHORUS OF OLD MEN (singing)
Ah! great gods! how get the better of these ferocious creatures?
'tis past all bearing! But come, let us try to find out the reason
of the dreadful scourge. With what end in view have they seized the
citadel of Cranaus, the sacred shrine that is raised upon the
inaccessible rock of the Acropolis?
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN (to the MAGISTRATE)
Question them; be cautious and not too credulous. It would be
culpable negligence not to pierce the mystery, if we may.
MAGISTRATE (addressing the women)
I would ask you first why you have barred our gates.
LYSISTRATA
To seize the treasury; no more money, no more war.
MAGISTRATE
Then money is the cause of the war?
LYSISTRATA
And of all our troubles. It was to find occasion to steal that
Pisander and all the other agitators were forever raising revolutions.
Well and good! but they'll never get another drachma here.
MAGISTRATE
What do you propose to do then, pray?
LYSISTRATA
You ask me that! Why, we propose to administer the treasury
ourselves.
MAGISTRATE
You do?
LYSISTRATA
What is there in that to surprise you? Do we not administer the
budget of household expenses?
MAGISTRATE
But that is not the same thing.
LYSISTRATA
How sonot the same thing?
MAGISTRATE
It is the treasury supplies the expenses of the war.
LYSISTRATA
That's our first principleno war!
MAGISTRATE
What! and the safety of the city?
LYSISTRATA
We will provide for that.
MAGISTRATE
You?
LYSISTRATA
Yes, we!
Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds
Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds 15
Page No 18
MAGISTRATE
What a sorry business!
LYSISTRATA
Yes, we're going to save you, whether you like it or not.
MAGISTRATE
Oh! the impudence of the creatures!
LYSISTRATA
You seem annoyed! but it has to be done, nevertheless.
MAGISTRATE
But it's the very height of iniquity!
LYSISTRATA (testily)
We're going to save you, my good man.
MAGISTRATE
But if I don't want to be saved?
LYSISTRATA
Why, all the more reason!
MAGISTRATE
But what a notion, to concern yourselves with questions of peace
and war!
LYSISTRATA
We will explain our idea.
MAGISTRATE
Out with it then; quick, or... (threatening her).
LYSISTRATA (sternly)
Listen, and never a movement, please!
MAGISTRATE (in impotent rage)
Oh! it is too much for me! I cannot keep my temper!
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
Then look out for yourself; you have more to fear than we have.
MAGISTRATE
Stop your croaking, you old crow! (To LYSISTRATA) Now you, say
what you have to say.
LYSISTRATA
Willingly. All the long time the war has lasted, we have endured
in modest silence all you men did; you never allowed us to open our
lips. We were far from satisfied, for we knew how things were going;
often in our homes we would hear you discussing, upside down and
inside out, some important turn of affairs. Then with sad hearts,
but smiling lips, we would ask you: Well, in today's Assembly did they
vote peace?But, "Mind your own business!" the husband would growl,
"Hold your tongue, please!" And we would say no more.
CLEONICE
I would not have held my tongue though, not I!
MAGISTRATE
You would have been reduced to silence by blows then.
LYSISTRATA
Well, for my part, I would say no more. But presently I would come
to know you had arrived at some fresh decision more fatally foolish
than ever. "Ah! my dear man," I would say, "what madness next!" But he
would only look at me askance and say: "Just weave your web, please;
else your cheeks will smart for hours. War is men's business!"
Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds
Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds 16
Page No 19
MAGISTRATE
Bravo! well said indeed!
LYSISTRATA
How now, wretched man? not to let us contend against your
follies was bad enough! But presently we heard you asking out loud
in the open street: "Is there never a man left in Athens?" and, "No,
not one, not one," you were assured in reply. Then, then we made up
our minds without more delay to make common cause to save Greece. Open
your ears to our wise counsels and hold your tongues, and we may yet
put things on a better footing.
MAGISTRATE
You put things indeed! Oh! this is too much! The insolence of
the creatures!
LYSISTRATA
Be still!
MAGISTRATE
May I die a thousand deaths ere I obey one who wears a veil!
LYSISTRATA
If that's all that troubles you, here, take my veil, wrap it round
your head, and hold your tongue.
CLEONICE
Then take this basket; put on a girdle, card wool, munch beans.
The war shall be women's business.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
Lay aside your waterpots, we will guard them, we will help our
friends and companions.
CHORUS OF WOMEN (singing)
For myself, I will never weary of the dance; my knees will never
grow stiff with fatigue. I will brave everything with my dear
allies, on whom Nature has lavished virtue, grace, boldness,
cleverness, and whose wisely directed energy is going to save the
State.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
Oh! my good, gallant Lysistrata, and all my friends, be ever
like a bundle of nettles; never let your anger slacken; the winds of
fortune blow our way.
LYSISTRATA
May gentle Love and the sweet Cyprian Queen shower seductive
charms on our breasts and our thighs. If only we may stir so amorous a
feeling among the men that they stand as firm as sticks, we shall
indeed deserve the name of peacemakers among the Greeks.
MAGISTRATE
How will that be, pray?
LYSISTRATA
To begin with, we shall not see you any more running like mad
fellows to the Market holding lance in fist.
CLEONICE
That will be something gained, anyway, by the Paphian goddess,
it will!
LYSISTRATA
Now we see them, mixed up with saucepans and kitchen stuff,
Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds
Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds 17
Page No 20
armed to the teeth, looking like wild Corybantes!
MAGISTRATE
Why, of course; that's what brave men should do.
LYSISTRATA
Oh! but what a funny sight, to behold a man wearing a
Gorgon'sbead buckler coming along to buy fish!
CLEONICE
The other day in the Market I saw a phylarch with flowing
ringlets; he was on horseback, and was pouring into his helmet the
broth he had just bought at an old dame's still. There was a
Thracian warrior too, who was brandishing his lance like Tereus in the
play; he had scared a good woman selling figs into a perfect panic,
and was gobbling up all her ripest fruit
MAGISTRATE
And how, pray, would you propose to restore peace and order in all
the countries of Greece?
LYSISTRATA
It's the easiest thing in the world!
MAGISTRATE
Come, tell us how; I am curious to know.
LYSISTRATA
When we are winding thread, and it is tangled, we pass the spool
across and through the skein, now this way, now that way; even so,
to finish of the war, we shall send embassies hither and thither and
everywhere, to disentangle matters.
MAGISTRATE
And is it with your yarn, and your skeins, and your spools, you
think to appease so many bitter enmities, you silly women?
LYSISTRATA
If only you had common sense, you would always do in politics
the same as we do with our yarn.
MAGISTRATE
Come, how is that, eh?
LYSISTRATA
First we wash the yarn to separate the grease and filth; do the
same with all bad citizens, sort them out and drive them forth with
rodsthey're the refuse of the city. Then for all such as come
crowding up in search of employments and offices, we must card them
thoroughly; then, to bring them all to the same standard, pitch them
pellmell into the same basket, resident aliens or no, allies, debtors
to the State, all mixed up together. Then as for our Colonies, you
must think of them as so many isolated hanks; find the ends of the
separate threads, draw them to a centre here, wind them into one, make
one great hank of the lot, out of which the public can weave itself
a good, stout tunic.
MAGISTRATE
Is it not a sin and a shame to see them carding and winding the
State, these women who have neither art nor part in the burdens of the
war?
LYSISTRATA
What! wretched man! why, it's a far heavier burden to us than to
Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds
Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds 18
Page No 21
you. In the first place, we bear sons who go off to fight far away
from Athens.
MAGISTRATE
Enough said! do not recall sad and sorry memories!
LYSISTRATA
Then secondly, instead of enjoying the pleasures of love and
making the best of our youth and beauty, we are left to languish far
from our husbands, who are all with the army. But say no more of
ourselves; what afflicts me is to see our girls growing old in
lonely grief.
MAGISTRATE
Don't the men grow old too?
LYSISTRATA
That is not the same thing. When the soldier returns from the
wars, even though he has white hair, he very soon finds a young
wife. But a woman has only one summer; if she does not make hay
while the sun shines, no one will afterwards have anything to say to
her, and she spends her days consulting oracles that never send her
a husband.
MAGISTRATE
But the old man who can still get an erection...
LYSISTRATA
But you, why don't you get done with it and die? You are rich;
go buy yourself a bier, and I will knead you a honeycake for
Cerberus. Here, take this garland.
(Drenching him with water.)
CLEONICE
And this one too.
(Drenching him with water.)
MYRRHINE
And these fillets.
(Drenching him with water.)
LYSISTRATA
What else do you need? Step aboard the boat; Charon is waiting for
you, you're keeping him from pushing off.
MAGISTRATE
To treat me so scurvily! What an insult! I will go show myself
to my fellowmagistrates just as I am.
LYSISTRATA
What! are you blaming us for not having exposed you according to
custom? Nay, console yourself; we will not fail to offer up the
thirdday sacrifice for you, first thing in the morning.
(She goes into the Acropolis, with CLEONICE and MYRRHINE.)
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Awake, friends of freedom; let us hold ourselves aye ready to act.
CHORUS OF OLD MEN (singing)
I suspect a mighty peril; I foresee another tyranny like Hippias'.
I am sore afraid the Laconians assembled here with Clisthenes have, by
a stratagem of war, stirred up these women, enemies of the gods, to
seize upon our treasury and the funds whereby I lived.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds
Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds 19
Page No 22
Is it not a sin and a shame for them to interfere in advising
the citizens, to prate of shields and lances, and to ally themselves
with Laconians, fellows I trust no more than I would so many
famished wolves? The whole thing, my friends, is nothing else but an
attempt to reestablish tyranny. But I will never submit; I will be on
my guard for the future; I will always carry a blade hidden under
myrtle boughs; I will post myself in the public square under arms,
shoulder to shoulder with Aristogiton; and now, to make a start, I
must just break a few of that cursed old jade's teeth yonder.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
Nay, never play the brave man, else when you go back home, your
own mother won't know you. But, dear friends and allies, first let
us lay our burdens down.
CHORUS OF WOMEN (singing)
Then, citizens all, hear what I have to say. I have useful counsel
to give our city, which deserves it well at my hands for the brilliant
distinctions it has lavished on my girlhood. At seven years of age,
I carried the sacred vessels; at ten, I pounded barley for the altar
of Athene; next, clad in a robe of yellow silk, I played the bear to
Artemis at the Brauronia; presently, when I was grown up, a tall,
handsome maiden, they put a necklace of dried figs about my neck,
and I was one of the Canephori.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
So surely I am bound to give my best advice to Athens. What
matters that I was born a woman, if I can cure your misfortunes? I pay
my share of tolls and taxes, by giving men to the State. But you,
you miserable greybeards, you contribute nothing to the public
charges; on the contrary, you have wasted the treasure of our
forefathers, as it was called, the treasure amassed in the days of the
Persian Wars. You pay nothing at all in return; and into the bargain
you endanger our lives and liberties by your mistakes. Have you one
word to say for yourselves?... Ah! don't irritate me, you there, or
I'll lay my slipper across your jaws; and it's pretty heavy.
CHORUS OF OLD MEN (singing)
Outrage upon outrage! things are going from bad to worse. Let us
punish the minxes, every one of us that has balls to boast of. Come,
off with our tunics, for a man must savour of manhood; come, my
friends, let us strip naked from head to foot. Courage, I say, we
who in our day garrisoned Lipsydrion; let us be young again, and shake
off eld.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
If we give them the least hold over us, that's the end! their
audacity will know no bounds! We shall see them building ships, and
fighting seafights, like Artemisia; and, if they want to mount and
ride as cavalry, we had best cashier the knights, for indeed women
excel in riding, and have a fine. firm seat for the gallop. Just think
of all those squadrons of Amazons Micon has painted for us engaged
in handtohand combat with men. Come then, we must now fit collars to
all these willing necks.
CHORUS OF WOMEN (singing)
By the blessed goddesses, if you anger me, I will let loose the
Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds
Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds 20
Page No 23
beast of my evil passions, and a very hailstorm of blows will set
you yelling for help. Come, dames, off with your tunics, and quick's
the word; women must smell the smell of women in the throes of
passion.... Now just you dare to measure strength with me, old
greybeard, and I warrant you you'll never eat garlic or black beans
any more. No, not a word! my anger is at boiling point, and I'll do
with you what the beetle did with the eagle's eggs.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
I laugh at your threats, so long as I have on my side Lampito
here, and the noble Theban, my dear Ismenia.... Pass decree on decree,
you can do us no hurt, you wretch abhorred of all your fellows. Why,
only yesterday, on occasion of the feast of Hecate, I asked my
neighbours of Boeotia for one of their daughters for whom my girls
have a lively liking a fine, fat eel to wit; and if they did not
refuse, all along of your silly decrees! We shall never cease to
suffer the like, till some one gives you a neat tripup and breaks
your neck for you! (To LYSISTRATA as she comes out from the
Acropolis) You, Lysistrata, you who are leader of our glorious
enterprise, why do I see you coming towards me with so gloomy an air?
LYSISTRATA
It's the behaviour of these naughty women, it's the female heart
and female weakness that so discourage me.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
Tell us, tell us, what is it?
LYSISTRATA
I only tell the simple truth.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
What has happened so disconcerting? Come, tell your friends.
LYSISTRATA
Oh! the thing is so hard to tellyet so impossible to conceal.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
Never seek to hide any ill that has befallen our cause.
LYSISTRATA
To blurt it out in a wordwe want laying!
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
Oh! Zeus, oh! Zeus!
LYSISTRATA
What use calling upon Zeus? The thing is even as I say. I cannot
stop them any longer from lusting after the men. They are all for
deserting. The first I caught was slipping out by the postern gate
near the cave of Pan; another was letting herself down by a rope and
pulley; a third was busy preparing her escape; while a fourth, perched
on a bird's back, was just taking wing for Orsilochus' house, when I
seized her by the hair. One and all, they are inventing excuses to
be off home. (Pointing to the gate) Look! there goes one, trying
to get out! Halloa there! whither away so fast?
FIRST WOMAN
I want to go home; I have some Milesian wool in the house, which
is getting all eaten up by the worms.
LYSISTRATA
Bah! you and your worms! go back, I say!
Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds
Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds 21
Page No 24
FIRST WOMAN
I will return immediately, I swear I will by the two goddesses!
I only have just to spread it out on the bed.
LYSISTRATA
You shall not do anything of the kind! I say, you shall not go.
FIRST WOMAN
Must I leave my wool to spoil then?
LYSISTRATA
Yes, if need be.
SECOND WOMAN
Unhappy woman that I am! Alas for my flax! I've left it at home
unstript!
LYSISTRATA
So, here's another trying to escape to go home and strip her flax!
SECOND WOMAN
Oh! I swear by the goddess of light, the instant I have put it
in condition I will come straight back.
LYSISTRATA
You shall do nothing of the kind! If once you began, others
would want to follow suit.
THIRD WOMAN
Oh! goddess divine, Ilithyia, patroness of women in labour,
stay, stay the birth, till I have reached a spot less hallowed than
Athene's mount!
LYSISTRATA
What mean you by these silly tales?
THIRD WOMAN
I am going to have a childnow, this minute!
LYSISTRATA
But you were not pregnant yesterday!
THIRD WOMAN
Well, I am today. Oh! let me go in search of the midwife,
Lysistrata, quick, quick!
LYSISTRATA
What is this fable you are telling me? (Feeling her stomach) Ah!
what have you got there so hard?
THIRD WOMAN
A male child.
LYSISTRATA
No, no, by Aphrodite! nothing of the sort! Why, it feels like
something hollowa pot or a kettle. (Opening her robe) Oh! you silly
creature, if you have not got the sacred helmet of Pallasand you said
you were with child!
THIRD WOMAN
And so I am, by Zeus, I am!
LYSISTRATA
Then why this helmet, pray?
THIRD WOMAN
For fear my pains should seize me in the Acropolis; I mean to
lay my eggs in this helmet, as the doves do.
LYSISTRATA
Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds
Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds 22
Page No 25
Excuses and pretences every word! the thing's as clear as
daylight. Anyway, you must stay here now till the fifth day, your
day of purification.
THIRD WOMAN
I cannot sleep any more in the Acropolis, now I have seen the
snake that guards the temple.
FOURTH WOMAN
Ah! and those awful owls with their dismal hooting! I cannot get a
wink of rest, and I'm just dying of fatigue.
LYSISTRATA
You wicked women, have done with your falsehoods! You want your
husbands, that's plain enough. But don't you think they want you
just as badly? They are spending dreadful nights, oh! I know that well
enough. But hold out, my dears, hold out! A little more patience,
and the victory will be ours. An oracle promises us success, if only
we remain united. Shall I repeat the words?
THIRD WOMAN
Yes, tell us what the oracle declares.
LYSISTRATA
Silence then! Now"Whenas the swallows, fleeing before the
hoopoes, shall have all flocked together in one place, and shall
refrain them from all amorous commerce, then will be the end of all
the ills of life; yea, and Zeus, who doth thunder in the skies,
shall set above what was erst below...."
THIRD WOMAN
What! shall the men be underneath?
LYSISTRATA
"But if dissension do arise among the swallows, and they take wing
from the holy temple, it will be said there is never a more wanton
bird in all the world."
THIRD WOMAN
Ye gods! the prophecy is clear.
LYSISTRATA
Nay, never let us be cast down by calamity! let us be brave to
bear, and go back to our posts. It would be shameful indeed not to
trust the promises of the oracle.
(They all go back into the Acropolis.)
CHORUS OF OLD MEN (singing)
I want to tell you a fable they used to relate to me when I was
a little boy. This is it: Once upon a time there was a young man
called Melanion, who hated the thought of marriage so sorely that he
fled away to the wilds. So he dwelt in the mountains, wove himself
nets, and caught hares. He never, never came back, he had such a
horror of women. As chaste as Melanion, we loathe the jades just as
much as he did.
AN OLD MAN (beginning a brief duet with one of the women)
You dear old woman, I would fain kiss you.
WOMAN
I will set you crying without onions.
OLD MAN
And give you a sound kicking.
Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds
Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds 23
Page No 26
WOMAN (pointing)
Ah, ha! what a dense forest you have there!
OLD MAN
So was Myronides one of the bushiest of men of this side; his
backside was all black, and he terrified his enemies as much as
Phormio.
CHORUS OF WOMEN (singing)
I want to tell you a fable too, to match yours about Melanion.
Once there was a certain man called Timon, a tough customer, and a
whimsical, a true son of the Furies, with a face that seemed to
glare out of a thornbush. He withdrew from the world because he
couldn't abide bad men, after vomiting a thousand curses at them. He
had a holy horror of illconditioned fellows, but he was mighty tender
towards women.
WOMAN (beginning another duet)
Suppose I up and broke your jaw for you!
OLD MAN
I am not a bit afraid of you.
WOMAN
Suppose I let fly a good kick at you?
OLD MAN
I should see your thing then.
WOMAN
You would see that, for all my age, it is very well plucked.
LYSISTRATA (rushing out of the Acropolis)
Ho there! come quick, come quick!
ONE OF THE WOMEN
What is it? Why these cries?
LYSISTRATA
A man! a man! I see him approaching all afire with the flames of
love. Oh! divine Queen of Cyprus, Paphos and Cythera, I pray you still
be propitious to our enterprise.
WOMAN
Where is he, this unknown foe?
LYSISTRATA
Over therebeside the Temple of Demeter.
WOMAN
Yes, indeed, I see him; but who is he?
LYSISTRATA
Look, look! do any of you recognize him?
MYRRHINE (joyfully)
I do, I do! it's my husband Cinesias.
LYSISTRATA
To work then! Be it your task to inflame and torture and torment
him. Seductions, caresses, provocations, refusals, try every means!
Grant every favour,always excepting what is forbidden by our oath
on the winebowl.
MYRRHINE
Have no fear, I'll do it.
LYSISTRATA
Well, I shall stay here to help you cajole the man and set his
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Page No 27
passions aflame. The rest of you withdraw.
(CINESIAS enters, in obvious and extreme sexual excitement. A
slave follows him carrying an infant.)
CINESIAS
Alas! alas! how I am tortured by spasm and rigid convulsion! Oh! I
am racked on the wheel!
LYSISTRATA
Who is this that dares to pass our lines?
CINESIAS
It is I.
LYSISTRATA
What, a man?
CINESIAS
Very much so!
LYSISTRATA
Get out.
CINESIAS
But who are you that thus repulses me?
LYSISTRATA
The sentinel of the day.
CINESIAS
For the gods' sake, call Myrrhine.
LYSISTRATA
Call Myrrhine, you say? And who are you?
CINESIAS
I am her husband, Cinesias, son of Paeon.
LYSISTRATA
Ah! good day, my dear friend. Your name is not unknown amongst us.
Your wife has it forever on her lips; and she never touches an egg
or an apple without saying: "This is for Cinesias."
CINESIAS
Really and truly?
LYSISTRATA
Yes, indeed, by Aphrodite! And if we fall to talking of men, quick
your wife declares: "Oh! all the rest, they're good for nothing
compared with Cinesias."
CINESIAS
Oh! please, please go and call her to me!
LYSISTRATA
And what will you give me for my trouble?
CINESIAS
Anything I've got, if you like. (Pointing to the evidence of
his condition) I will give you what I have here!
LYSISTRATA
Well, well, I will tell her to come.
(She enters the Acropolis.)
CINESIAS
Quick, oh! be quick! Life has no more charms for me since she left
my house. I am sad, sad, when I go indoors; it all seems so empty;
my victuals have lost their savour. And all because of this erection
that I can't get rid of!
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Page No 28
MYRRHINE (to LYSISTRATA, over her shoulder)
I love him, oh! I love him; but he won't let himself be loved. No!
I shall not come.
CINESIAS
Myrrhine, my little darling Myrrhine, what are you saying? Come
down to me quick.
MYRRHINE
No indeed, not I.
CINESIAS
I call you, Myrrhine, Myrrhine; won't you please come?
MYRRHINE
Why should you call me? You do not want me.
CINESIAS
Not want you! Why, here I stand, stiff with desire!
oMYRRHINE
Goodbye.
(She turns, as if to go.)
CINESIAS
Oh! Myrrhine, Myrrhine, in our child's name, hear me; at any
rate hear the child! Little lad, call your mother.
CHILD
Mamma, mamma, mamma!
CINESIAS
There, listen! Don't you pity the poor child? It's six days now
you've never washed and never fed the child.
MYRRHINE
Poor darling, your father takes mighty little care of you!
CINESIAS
Come down, dearest, come down for the child's sake.
MYRRHINE
Ah! what a thing it is to be a mother! Well, well, we must come
down, I suppose.
CINESIAS (as MYRRHINE approaches)
Why, how much younger and prettier she looks! And how she looks at
me so lovingly! Her cruelty and scorn only redouble my passion.
MYRRHINE (ignoring him; to the child)
You are as sweet as your father is provoking! Let me kiss you,
my treasure, mother's darling!
CINESIAS
Ah! what a bad thing it is to let yourself be led away by other
women! Why give me such pain and suffering, and yourself into the
bargain?
MYRRHINE (as he is about to embrace her)
Hands off, sir!
CINESIAS
Everything is going to rack and ruin in the house.
MYRRHINE
I don't care.
CINESIAS
But your web that's all being pecked to pieces by the cocks and
hens, don't you care for that?
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Page No 29
MYRRHINE
Precious little.
CINESIAS
And Aphrodite, whose mysteries you have not celebrated for so
long? Oh! won't you please come back home?
MYRRHINE
No, least, not till a sound treaty puts an end to the war.
CINESIAS
Well, if you wish it so much, why, we'll make it, your treaty.
MYRRHINE
Well and good! When that's done, I will come home. Till then, I am
bound by an oath.
CINESIAS
At any rate, lie with me for a little while.
MYRRHINE
No, no, no! (she hesitates) but just the same I can't say I
don't love you.
CINESIAS
You love me? Then why refuse to lie with me, my little girl, my
sweet Myrrhine?
MYRRHINE (pretending to be shocked)
You must be joking! What, before the child!
CINESIAS (to the slave)
Manes, carry the lad home. There, you see, the child is gone;
there's nothing to hinder us; won't you lie down now?
MYRRHINE
But, miserable man, where, where?
CINESIAS
In the cave of Pan; nothing could be better.
MYRRHINE
But how shall I purify myself before going back into the citadel?
CINESIAS
Nothing easier! you can wash at the Clepsydra.
MYRRHINE
But my oath? Do you want me to perjure myself?
CINESIAS
I'll take all responsibility; don't worry.
MYRRHINE
Well, I'll be off, then, and find a bed for us.
CINESIAS
There's no point in that; surely we can lie on the ground.
MYRRHINE
No, no! even though you are bad, I don't like your lying on the
bare earth.
(She goes back into the Acropolis.)
CINESIAS (enraptured)
Ah! how the dear girl loves me!
MYRRHINE (coming back with a cot)
Come, get to bed quick; I am going to undress. But, oh dear, we
must get a mattress.
CINESIAS
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Page No 30
A mattress? Oh! no, never mind about that!
MYRRHINE
No, by Artemis! lie on the bare sacking? never! That would be
squalid.
CINESIAS
Kiss me!
MYRRHINE
Wait a minute!
(She leaves him again.)
CINESIAS
Good god, hurry up
MYRRHINE (coming back with a mattress)
Here is a mattress. Lie down, I am just going to undress. But
you've got no pillow.
CINESIAS
I don't want one either!
MYRRHINE
But I do.
(She leaves him again.)
CINESIAS
Oh god, oh god, she treats my tool just like Heracles!
MYRRHINE (coming back with a pillow)
There, lift your head, dear! (Wondering what else to tantalize
him with; to herself) Is that all, I wonder?
CINESIAS (misunderstanding)
Surely. there's nothing else. Come, my treasure.
MYRRHINE
I am just unfastening my girdle. But remember what you promised me
about making peace; mind you keep your word.
CINESIAS
Yes, yes, upon my life I will.
MYRRHINE
Why, you have no blanket!
CINESIAS
My god, what difference does that make? What I want is to make
love!
MYRRHINE (going out again)
Never feardirectly, directly! I'll be back in no time.
CINESIAS
The woman will kill me with her blankets!
MYRRHINE (coming back with a blanket)
Now, get yourself up.
CINESIAS (pointing)
I've got this up!
MYRRHINE
Wouldn't you like me to scent you?
CINESIAS
No, by Apollo, no, please don't!
MYRRHINE
Yes, by Aphrodite, but I will, whether you like it or not.
(She goes out again.)
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Page No 31
CINESIAS
God, I wish she'd hurry up and get through with all this!
MYRRHINE (coming back with a flask of perfume)
Hold out your hand; now rub it in.
CINESIAS
Oh! in Apollo's name, I don't much like the smell of it; but
perhaps it will improve when it's well rubbed in. It does not
somehow smack of the marriage bed!
MYRRHINE
Oh dear! what a scatterbrain I am; if I haven't gone and brought
Rhodian perfumes!
CINESIAS
Never mind, dearest, let it go now.
MYRRHINE
You don't really mean that.
(She goes.)
CINESIAS
Damn the man who invented perfumes!
MYRRHINE (coming back with another flask)
Here, take this bottle.
CINESIAS
I have a better one allready for you, darling. Come, you provoking
creature, to bed with you, and don't bring another thing.
MYRRHINE
Coming, coming; I'm just slipping off my shoes. Dear boy, will you
vote for peace?
CINESIAS
I'll think about it. (MYRRHINE runs away.) I'm a dead man, she
is killing me! She has gone, and left me in torment! (in tragic
style) I must have someone to lay, I must! Ah me! the loveliest of
women has choused and cheated me. Poor little lad, how am I to give
you what you want so badly? Where is Cynalopex? quick, man, get him
a nurse, do!
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Poor, miserable wretch, baulked in your amorousness! what tortures
are yours! Ah! you fill me with pity. Could any man's back and loins
stand such a strain. He stands stiff and rigid, and there's never a
wench to help him!
CINESIAS
Ye gods in heaven, what pains I suffer!
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Well, there it is; it's her doing, that abandoned hussy!
CINESIAS
No, no! rather say that sweetest, dearest darling.
(He departs.)
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
That dearest darling? no, no, that hussy, say I! Zeus, thou god of
the skies, canst not let loose a hurricane, to sweep them all up
into the air, and whirl them round, then drop them down crash! and
impale them on the point of this man's tool!
(A Spartan HERALD enters; he shows signs of being in the same
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Page No 32
condition as CINESIAS.)
HERALD
Say, where shall I find the Senate and the Prytanes? I am bearer
of despatches.
(An Athenian MAGISTRATE enters.)
MAGISTRATE
Are you a man or a Priapus?
HERALD (with an effort at officiousness)
Don't be stupid! I am a herald, of course, I swear I am, and I
come from Sparta about making peace.
MAGISTRATE (pointing)
But look, you are hiding a lance under your clothes, surely.
HERALD (embarrassed)
No, nothing of the sort.
MAGISTRATE
Then why do you turn away like that, and hold your cloak out
from your body? Have you got swellings in the groin from your journey?
HERALD
By the twin brethren! the man's an old maniac.
MAGISTRATE
But you've got an erection! You lewd fellow!
HERALD
I tell you no! but enough of this foolery.
MAGISTRATE (pointing)
Well, what is it you have there then?
HERALD
A Lacedaemonian 'skytale.'
MAGISTRATE
Oh, indeed, a 'skytale,' is it? Well, well, speak out frankly; I
know all about these matters. How are things going at Sparta now?
HERALD
Why, everything is turned upside down at Sparta; and all the
allies have erections. We simply must have Pellene.
MAGISTRATE
What is the reason of it all? Is it the god Pan's doing?
HERALD
No, it's all the work of Lampito and the women who are acting at
her instigation; they have kicked the men out from between their
thighs.
MAGISTRATE
But what are you doing about it?
HERALD
We are at our wits' end; we walk bent double, just as if we were
carrying lanterns in a wind. The jades have sworn we shall not so much
as touch them till we have all agreed to conclude peace.
MAGISTRATE
Ah! I see now, it's a general conspiracy embracing all Greece.
Go back to Sparta and bid them send envoys plenipotentiary to treat
for peace. I will urge our Senators myself to name plenipotentiaries
from us; and to persuade them, why, I will show them my own tool.
HERALD
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Page No 33
What could be better? I fly at your command.
(They go out in opposite directions.)
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
No wild beast is there, no flame of fire, more fierce and
untamable than woman; the leopard is less savage and shameless.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
And yet you dare to make war upon me, wretch, when you might
have me for your most faithful friend and ally.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Never, never can my hatred cease towards women.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
Well, suit yourself. Still I cannot bear to leave you all naked as
you are; folks would laugh at you. Come, I am going to put this
tunic on you.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
You are right, upon my word! it was only in my confounded fit of
rage that I took it off.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
Now at any rate you look like a man, and they won't make fun of
you. Ah! if you had not offended me so badly, I would take out that
nasty insect you have in your eye for you.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Ah! so that's what was annoying me so Look, here's a ring, just
remove the insect, and show it to me. By Zeus! it has been hurting
my eye for a long time now.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
Well, I agree, though your manners are not over and above
pleasant. Oh I what a huge great gnat! just look! It's from
Tricorythus, for sure.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
A thousand thanks! the creature was digging a regular well in my
eye; now that it's gone, my tears can flow freely.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
I will wipe them for youbad, naughty man though you are. Now,
just one kiss.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
A kiss? certainly not
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
Just one, whether you like it or not.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Oh! those confounded women! how they do cajole us! How true the
saying: " 'Tis impossible to live with the baggages, impossible to
live without 'em!" Come, let us agree for the future not to regard
each other any more as enemies; and to clinch the bargain, let us sing
a choric song.
COMBINED CHORUS OF WOMEN AND OLD MEN (singing)
We desire, Athenians, to speak ill of no man; but on the
contrary to say much good of everyone, and to do the like. We have had
enough of misfortunes and calamities. If there is any man or woman who
wants a bit of moneytwo or three minas or so; well, our purse is
full. If only peace is concluded, the borrower will not have to pay
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Page No 34
back. Also I'm inviting to supper a few Carystian friends, who are
excellently well qualified. I have still a drop of good soup left, and
a young porker I'm going to kill, and the flesh will be sweet and
tender. I shall expect you at my house today; but first away to the
baths with you, you and your children; then come all of you, ask no
one's leave, but walk straight up, as if you were at home; never fear,
the door will be... shut in your faces!
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Ah! here come the envoys from Sparta with their long flowing
beards; why, you would think they wore pigstyes between their thighs.
(Enter the LACONIAN ENVOYS afflicted like their herald.) Hail to you,
first of all, Laconians; then tell us how you fare.
LACONIAN ENVOY
No need for many words; you can see what a state we are in.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Alas! the situation grows more and more strained! the intensity of
the thing is simply frightful.
LACONIAN ENVOY
It's beyond belief. But to work! summon your Commissioners, and
let us patch up the best peace we may.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Ah! our men too, like wrestlers in the arena, cannot endure a
rag over their bellies; it's an athlete's malady, which only
exercise can remedy.
(The MAGISTRATE returns; he too now has an evident reason to
desire peace.)
MAGISTRATE
Can anybody tell us where Lysistrata is? Surely she will have some
compassion on our condition.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN (pointing)
Look! now he has the very same complaint. (To the MAGISTRATE)
Don't you feel a strong nervous tension in the morning?
MAGISTRATE
Yes, and a dreadful, dreadful torture it is! Unless peace is
made very soon, we shall find no recourse but to make love to
Clisthenes.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Take my advice, and arrange your clothes as best you can; one of
the fellows who mutilated the Hermae might see you.
MAGISTRATE
Right, by Zeus.
(He endeavours, not too successfully, to conceal his condition.)
LACONIAN ENVOY
Quite right, by the Dioscuri. There, I will put on my tunic.
MAGISTRATE
Oh! what a terrible state we are in! Greeting to you, Laconian
fellowsufferers.
LACONIAN ENVOY (addressing one of his countrymen)
Ah! my boy, what a terrible thing it would have been if these
fellows had seen us just now when we were on full stand!
MAGISTRATE
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Page No 35
Speak out, Laconians, what is it brings you here?
LACONIAN ENVOY
We have come to treat for peace.
MAGISTRATE
Well said; we are of the same mind. Better call Lysistrata,
then; she is the only person will bring us to terms.
LACONIAN ENVOY
Yes, yesand Lysistratus into the bargain, if you will.
MAGISTRATE
Needless to call her; she has heard your voices, and here she
comes.
(She comes out of the Acropolis.)
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Hail, boldest and bravest of womankind! The time is come to show
yourself in turn uncompromising and conciliatory, exacting and
yielding, haughty and condescending. Call up all your skill and
artfulness. Lo! the foremost men in Hellas, seduced by your
fascinations, are agreed to entrust you with the task of ending
their quarrels.
LYSISTRATA
It will be an easy taskif only they refrain from mutual
indulgence in masculine love; if they do, I shall know the fact at
once. Now, where is the gentle goddess Peace? (The goddess, in the
form of a beautiful nude girl is brought in by the Machine.) Lead
hither the Laconian envoys. But, look you, no roughness or violence;
our husbands always behaved so boorishly. Bring them to me with
smiles, as women should. If any refuse to give you his hand, then take
hold of his tool. Bring up the Athenians too; you may lead them either
way. Laconians, approach; and you, Athenians, on my other side. Now
hearken all! I am but a woman; but I have good common sense; Nature
has endowed me with discriminating judgment, which I have yet
further developed, thanks to the wise teachings of my father and the
elders of the city. First I must bring a reproach against you that
applies equally to both sides. At Olympia, and Thermopylae, and
Delphi, and a score of other places too numerous to mention, you
celebrate before the same altars ceremonies common to all Hellenes;
yet you go cutting each other's throats, and sacking Hellenic
cities, when all the while the barbarian yonder is threatening you!
That is my first point.
MAGISTRATE (devouring the goddess with his eyes)
Good god, this erection is killing me!
LYSISTRATA
Now it is to you I address myself, Laconians. Have you forgotten
how Periclidas, your own countryman, sat a suppliant before our
altars? How pale he was in his purple robes! He had come to crave an
army of us; it was the time when Messenia was pressing you sore, and
the Seagod was shaking the earth. Cimon marched to your aid at the
head of four thousand hoplites, and saved Lacedaemon. And, after
such a service as that, you ravage the soil of your benefactors!
MAGISTRATE
They do wrong, very wrong, Lysistrata.
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Page No 36
LACONIAN ENVOY
We do wrong, very wrong. (Looking at the goddess) Ah! great
gods! what a lovely bottom Peace has!
LYSISTRATA
And now a word to the Athenians. Have you no memory left of how,
in the days when you wore the tunic of slaves, the Laconians came,
spear in hand, and slew a host of Thessalians and partisans of Hippias
the tyrant? They, and they only, fought on your side on that
eventful day; they delivered you from despotism, and thanks to them
our nation could change the short tunic of the slave for the long
cloak of the free man.
LACONIAN ENVOY (looking at LYSISTRATA)
I have never see a woman of more gracious dignity.
MAGISTRATE (looking at PEACE)
I have never seen a woman with a finer body!
LYSISTRATA
Bound by such ties of mutual kindness, how can you bear to be at
war? Stop, stay the hateful strife, be reconciled; what hinders you?
LACONIAN ENVOY
We are quite ready, if they will give us back our rampart.
LYSISTRATA
What rampart, my dear man?
LACONIAN ENVOY
Pylos, which we have been asking for and craving for ever so long.
MAGISTRATE
In the Seagod's name, you shall never have it!
LYSISTRATA
Agree, my friends, agree.
MAGISTRATE
But then what city shall we be able to stir up trouble in?
LYSISTRATA
Ask for another place in exchange.
MAGISTRATE
Ah! that's the ticket! Well, to begin with, give us Echinus, the
Maliac gulf adjoining, and the two legs of Megara.
LACONIAN ENVOY
No, by the Dioscuri, surely not all that, my dear sir.
LYSISTRATA
Come to terms; never make a difficulty of two legs more or less!
MAGISTRATE (his eye on PEACE)
Well, I'm ready to strip down and get to work right now.
(He takes off his mantle.)
LACONIAN ENVOY (following out this idea)
And I also, to dung it to start with.
LYSISTRATA
That's just what you shall do, once peace is signed. So, if you
really want to make it, go consult your allies about the matter.
MAGISTRATE
What allies, I should like to know? Why, we are all erected;
there's no one who is not mad to be mating. What we all want is to
be in bed with our wives; how should our allies fail to second our
Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds
Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds 34
Page No 37
project?
LACONIAN ENVOY
And ours too, for certain sure!
MAGISTRATE
The Carystians first and foremost by the gods!
LYSISTRATA
Well said, indeed! Now go and purify yourselves for entering the
Acropolis, where the women invite you to supper; we will empty our
provision baskets to do you honour. At table, you will exchange
oaths and pledges; then each man will go home with his wife.
MAGISTRATE
Come along then, and as quick as may be.
LACONIAN ENVOY
Lead on; I'm your man.
MAGISTRATE
Quick, quick's the word, say I.
(They follow LYSISTRATA into the Acropolis.)
CHORUS OF WOMEN (singing)
Embroidered stuffs, and dainty tunics, and flowing gowns, and
golden ornaments, everything I have, I offer them to you with all my
heart; take them all for your children, for your girls, in case they
are chosen Canephori. I invite you every one to enter, come in and
choose whatever you will; there is nothing so well fastened, you
cannot break the seals, and carry away the contents. Look about you
everywhere. . . you won't find a blessed thing, unless you have
sharper eyes than mine. And if any of you lacks corn to feed his
slaves and his young and numerous family, why, I have a few grains
of wheat at home; let him take what I have to give, a big twelvepound
loaf included. So let my poorer neighbours all come with bags and
wallets; my man, Manes, shall give them corn; but I warn them not to
come near my door, butbeware the dog!
(Another MAGISTRATE enters, and begins knocking at the gate.)
SECOND MAGISTRATE
I say, you, open the door! (To the WOMEN) Go your way, I tell
you. (As the women sit down in front of the gate) Why, bless me,
they're sitting down now; I shall have to singe 'em with my torch to
make 'em stir! What impudence! I won't take this. Oh, well, if it's
absolutely necessary, just to please you, we'll have to take the
trouble.
AN ATHENIAN
And I'll share it with you.
(He brandishes the torch he is carrying and the CHORUS OF WOMEN
departs. The CHORUS OF OLD MEN follows shortly after.)
SECOND MAGISTRATE
No, no, you must be offor I'll tear your hair out, I will; be
off, I say, and don't annoy the Laconian envoys; they're just coming
out from the banquetball.
ATHENIAN
Such a merry banquet I've never seen before! The Laconians were
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Page No 38
simply charming. After the drink is in, why, we're all wise men, every
one of us.
MAGISTRATE
It's only natural, to be sure, for sober, we're all fools. Take my
advice, my fellowcountrymen, our envoys should always be drunk. We go
to Sparta; we enter the city sober; why, we must be picking a
quarrel directly. We don't understand what they say to us, we
imagine a lot they don't say at all, and we report home all wrong, all
topsyurvy. But, look you, today it's quite different; we're
enchanted whatever happens; instead of Clitagora, they might sing us
Telamon, and we should clap our hands just the same. A perjury or
two into the bargain, why! What does that matter to merry companions
in their cups? (The two CHORUSES return.) But here they are back
again! Will you begone, you loafing scoundrels.
(The CHORUSES retire again.)
ATHENIAN
Ah ha! here's the company coming out already.
(Two choruses, one Laconian and one Athenian, enter, dancing to
the music of flutes; they are followed by the women under the
leadership of LYSISTRATA.)
A LACONIAN
My dear, sweet friend, come, take your flute in hand; I would fain
dance and sing my best in honour of the Athenians and our noble
selves.
ATHENIAN
Yes, take your flute, in the gods'name. What a delight to see
him dance!
LACONIAN (dancing and singing)
Oh! Mnemosyne! inspire these men, inspire my muse who knows our
exploits and those of the Athenians. With what a godlike ardour did
they swoop down at Artemisium on the ships of the Medes! What a
glorious victory was that! For the soldiers of Leonidas, they were
like fierce boars whetting their tusks. The sweat ran down their
faces, and drenched all their limbs, for verily the Persians were as
many as the sands of the seashore. Oh! Artemis, huntress queen,
whose arrows pierce the denizens of the woods, virgin goddess, be thou
favourable to the peace we here conclude; through thee may our
hearts be long united! May this treaty draw close for ever the bonds
of a happy friendship! No more wiles and stratagems! Aid us, oh! aid
us, maiden huntress!
MAGISTRATE
All is for the best; and now, Laconians, take your wives away home
with you, and you, Athenians, yours. May husband live happily with
wife, and wife with husband. Dance, dance, to celebrate our bliss, and
let us be heedful to avoid like mistakes for the future.
CHORUS OF ATHENIANS (singing)
Appear, appear, dancers, and the Graces with you! Let us invoke,
one and all, Artemis, and her heavenly brother, gracious Apollo,
patron of the dance, and Dionysus, whose eye darts flame, as he
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Page No 39
steps forward surrounded by the Maenad maids, and Zeus, who wields the
flashing lightning, and his august, thriceblessed spouse, the Queen
of Heaven! These let us invoke, and all the other gods, calling all
the inhabitants of the skies to witness the noble Peace now
concluded under the fond auspices of Aphrodite. Io Paean! Io Paean!
dance, leap, as in honour of a victory won. Euoi! Euoi! Euai! Euai!
MAGISTRATE
And you, our Laconian guests, sing us a new and inspiring strain!
LACONIAN (singing)
Leave once more, oh! leave once more the noble height of Taygetus,
oh! Muse of Lacedaemon, and join us in singing the praises of Apollo
of Amyclae, and Athene of the Brazen House, and the gallant twin
sons of Tyndareus, who practise arms on the banks of the Eurotas
river. Haste, haste hither with nimblefooted pace, let us sing
Sparta, the city that delights in choruses divinely sweet and graceful
dances, when our maidens bound lightly by the river side, like
frolicsome fillies, beating the ground with rapid steps and shaking
their long locks in the wind, as Bacchantes wave their wands in the
wild revels of the Winegod. At their head, oh! chaste and beauteous
goddess, daughter of Leto, Artemis, do thou lead the song and dance.
With a fillet binding thy waving tresses, appear in thy loveliness;
leap like a fawn, strike thy divine hands together to animate the
dance, and aid us to renown the valiant goddess of battles, great
Athene of the Brazen House!
(All depart, singing and dancing.)
THE END
THE BIRDS
by Aristophanes
anonymous translator
CHARACTERS IN THE PLAY
EUELPIDES
PITHETAERUS
TROCHILUS, Servant to Epops
Epops (the Hoopoe)
A BIRD
A HERALD
A PRIEST
A POET
AN ORACLEMONGER
METON, a Geometrician
AN INSPECTOR
A DEALER IN DECREES
IRIS
A PARRICIDE
CINESIAS, a Dithyrambic Poet
AN INFORMER
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Page No 40
PROMETHEUS
POSIDON
TRIBALLUS
HERACLES
SLAVES OF PITHETAERUS
MESSENGERS
CHORUS OF BIRDS
BIRDS
(SCENE:A wild and desolate region; only thickets, rocks, and a
single tree are seen. EUELPIDES and PITHETAERUS enter, each with a
bird in his hand.)
EUELPIDES (to his jay)
Do you think I should walk straight for yon tree?
PITHETAERUS (to his crow)
Cursed beast, what are you croaking to me?...to retrace my steps?
EUELPIDES
Why, you wretch, we are wandering at random, we are exerting
ourselves only to return to the same spot; we're wasting our time.
PITHETAERUS
To think that I should trust to this crow, which has made me cover
more than a thousand furlongs!
EUELPIDES
And that I, in obedience to this jay, should have worn my toes
down to the nails!
PITHETAERUS
If only I knew where we were....
EUELPIDES
Could you find your country again from here?
PITHETAERUS
No, I feel quite sure I could not, any more than could Execestides
find his.
EUELPIDES
Alas!
PITHETAERUS
Aye, aye, my friend, it's surely the road of "alases" we are
following.
EUELPIDES
That Philocrates, the birdseller, played us a scurvy trick,
when he pretended these two guides could help us to find Tereus, the
Epops, who is a bird, without being born of one. He has indeed sold us
this jay, a true son of Tharrhelides, for an obolus, and this crow for
three, but what can they do? Why, nothing whatever but bite and
scratch! (To his jay) What's the matter with you then, that you keep
opening your beak? Do you want us to fling ourselves headlong down
these rocks? There is no road that way.
PITHETAERUS
Not even the vestige of a trail in any direction
EUELPIDES
And what does the crow say about the road to follow?
PITHETAERUS
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Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds 38
Page No 41
By Zeus, it no longer croaks the same thing it did.
EUELPIDES
And which way does it tell us to go now?
PITHETAERUS
It says that, by dint of gnawing, it will devour my fingers.
EUELPIDES
What misfortune is ours! we strain every nerve to get to the
crows, do everything we can to that end, and we cannot find our way!
Yes, spectators, our madness is quite different from that of Sacas. He
is not a citizen, and would fain be one at any cost; we, on the
contrary, born of an honourable tribe and family and living in the
midst of our fellowcitizens, we have fled from our country as hard as
ever we could go. It's not that we hate it; we recognize it to be
great and rich, likewise that everyone has the right to ruin himself
paying taxes; but the crickets only chirrup among the figtrees for
a month or two, whereas the Athenians spend their whole lives in
chanting forth judgments from their lawcourts. That is why we started
off with a basket, a stewpot and some myrtle boughs! and have come to
seek a quiet country in which to settle. We are going to Tereus, the
Epops, to learn from him, whether, in his aerial flights, he has
noticed some town of this kind.
PITHETAERUS
Here! look!
EUELPIDES
What's the matter?
PITHETAERUS
Why, the crow has been directing me to something up there for some
time now.
EUELPIDES
And the jay is also opening it beak and craning its neck to show
me I know not what. Clearly, there are some birds about here. We shall
soon know, if we kick up a noise to start them.
PITHETAERUS
Do you know what to do? Knock your leg against this rock.
EUELPIDES
And you your head to double the noise.
PITHETAERUS
Well then use a stone instead; take one and hammer with it.
EUELPIDES
Good idea! (He does so.) Ho there, within! Slave! slave!
PITHETAERUS
What's that, friend! You say, "slave," to summon Epops? It would
be much better to shout, "Epops, Epops!
EUELPIDES
Well then, Epops! Must I knock again? Epops!
TROCHILUS (rushing out of a thicket)
Who's there? Who calls my master?
PITHETAERUS (in terror)
Apollo the Deliverer! what an enormous beak!
(He defecates. In the confusion both the jay and the crow fly
away.)
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Page No 42
TROCHILUS (equally frightened)
Good god! they are birdcatchers.
EUELPIDES (reassuring himself)
But is it so terrible? Wouldn't it be better to explain things?
TROCHILUS (also reassuring himself)
You're done for.
EUELPIDES
But we are not men.
TROCHILUS
What are you, then?
EUELPIDES (defecating also)
I am the Fearling, an African bird.
TROCHILUS
You talk nonsense.
EUELPIDES
Well, then, just ask it of my feet.
TROCHILUS
And this other one, what bird is it? (To PITHETAERUS) Speak up
PITHETAERUS (weakly)
I? I am a Crapple, from the land of the pheasants.
EUELPIDES
But you yourself, in the name of the gods! what animal are you?
TROCHILUS
Why, I am a slavebird.
EUELPIDES
Why, have you been conquered by a cock?
TROCHILUS
No, but when my master was turned into a hoopoe, he begged me to
become a bird also, to follow and to serve him.
EUELPIDES
Does a bird need a servant, then?
TROCHILUS
That's no doubt because he was once a man. At times he wants to
eat a dish of sardines from Phalerum; I seize my dish and fly to fetch
him some. Again he wants some peasoup; I seize a ladle and a pot
and run to get it.
EUELPIDES
This is, then, truly a runningbird. Come, Trochilus, do us the
kindness to call your master.
TROCHILUS
Why, he has just fallen asleep after a feed of myrtleberries
and a few grubs.
EUELPIDES
Never mind; wake him up.
TROCHILUS
I an; certain he will be angry. However, I will wake him to please
you.
(He goes back into the thicket.)
PITHETAERUS (as soon as TROCHILUS is out of sight)
You cursed brute! why, I am almost dead with terror!
EUELPIDES
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Page No 43
Oh! my god! it was sheer fear that made me lose my jay.
PITHETAERUS
Ah! you big coward! were you so frightened that you let go your
jay?
EUELPIDES
And did you not lose your crow, when you fell sprawling on the
ground? Tell me that.
PITHETAERUS
Not at all.
EUELPIDES
Where is it, then?
PITHETAERUS
It flew away.
EUELPIDES
And you did not let it go? Oh! you brave fellow!
EPOPS (from within)
Open the thicket, that I may go out!
(He comes out of the thicket.)
EUELPIDES
By Heracles! what a creature! what plumage! What means this triple
crest?
EPOPS
Who wants me?
EUELPIDES (banteringly)
The twelve great gods have used you ill, it seems.
EPOPS
Are you twitting me about my feathers? I have been a man,
strangers.
EUELPIDES
It's not you we are jeering at.
EPOPS
At what, then?
EUELPIDES
Why, it's your beak that looks so ridiculous to us.
EPOPS
This is how Sophocles outrages me in his tragedies. Know, I once
was Tereus.
EUELPIDES
You were Tereus, and what are you now? a bird or a peacock?
EPOPS
I am a bird.
EUELPIDES
Then where are your feathers? I don't see any.
EPOPS
They have fallen off.
EUELPIDES
Through illness?
EPOPS
No. All birds moult their feathers, you know, every winter, and
others grow in their place. But tell me, who are you?
EUELPIDES
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Page No 44
We? We are mortals.
EPOPS
From what country?
EUELPIDES
From the land of the beautful galleys.
EPOPS
Are you dicasts?
EUELPIDES
No, if anything, we are antidicasts.
EPOPS
Is that kind of seed sown among you?
EUELPIDES
You have to look hard to find even a little in our fields.
EPOPS
What brings you here?
EUELPIDES
We wish to pay you a visit.
EPOPS
What for?
EUELPIDES
Because you formerly were a man, like we are, formerly you had
debts, as we have, formerly you did not want to pay them, like
ourselves; furthermore, being turned into a bird, you have when flying
seen all lands and seas. Thus you have all human knowledge as well
as that of birds. And hence we have come to you to beg you to direct
us to some cosy town, in which one can repose as if on thick
coverlets.
EPOPS
And are you looking for a greater city than Athens?
EUELPIDES
No, not a greater, but one more pleasant to live in.
EPOPS
Then you are looking for an aristocratic country.
EUELPIDES
I? Not at all! I hold the son of Scellias in horror.
EPOPS
But, after all, what sort of city would please you best?
EUELPIDES
A place where the following would be the most important
business: transacted.Some friend would come knocking at the door
quite early in the morning saying, "By Olympian Zeus, be at my house
early. as soon as you have bathed, and bring your children too. I am
giving a feast, so don't fail, or else don't cross my threshold when I
am in distress."
EPOPS
Ah! that's what may be called being fond of hardships! (To
PITHETAERUS) And what say you?
PITHETAERUS
My tastes are similar.
EPOPS
And they are?
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Page No 45
PITHETAERUS
I want a town where the father of a handsome lad will stop in
the street and say to me reproachfully as if I had failed him, "Ah! Is
this well done, Stilbonides? You met my son coming from the bath after
the gymnasium and you neither spoke to him, nor kissed him, nor took
him with you, nor ever once felt his balls. Would anyone call you an
old friend of mine?"
EPOPS
Ah! wag, I see you are fond of suffering. But there is a city of
delights such as you want. It's on the Red Sea.
EUELPIDES
Oh, no. Not a seaport, where some fine morning the Salaminian
galley can appear, bringing a processserver along. Have you no
Greek town you can propose to us?
EPOPS
Why not choose Lepreum in Elis for your settlement?
EUELPIDES
By Zeus! I could not look at Lepreum without disgust, because of
Melanthius.
EPOPS
Then, again, there is the Opuntian Locris, where you could live.
EUELPIDES
I would not be Opuntian for a talent. But come, what is it like to
live with the birds? You should know pretty well.
EPOPS
Why, it's not a disagreeable life. In the first place, one has
no purse.
EUELPIDES
That does away with a lot of roguery.
EPOPS
For food the gardens yield us white sesame, myrtleberries,
poppies and mint.
EUELPIDES
Why, 'tis the life of the newlywed indeed.
PITHETAERUS
Ha! I am beginning to see a great plan, which will transfer the
supreme power to the birds, if you will but take my advice.
EPOPS
Take your advice? In what way?
PITHETAERUS
In what way? Well, firstly, do not fly in all directions with open
beak; it is not dignified. Among us, when we see a thoughtless man, we
ask, "What sort of bird is this?" and Teleas answers, "It's a man
who has no brain, a bird that has lost his head, a creature you cannot
catch, for it never remains in any one place."
EPOPS
By Zeus himself! your jest hits the mark. What then is to be done?
PITHETAERUS
Found a city.
EPOPS
We birds? But what sort of city should we build?
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Page No 46
PITHETAERUS
Oh, really, really! you talk like such a fool! Look down.
EPOPS
I am looking.
PITHETAERUS
Now look up.
EPOPS
I am looking.
PITHETAERUS
Turn your head round.
EPOPS
Ah! it will be pleasant for me if I end in twisting my neck of!
PITHETAERUS
What have you seen?
EPOPS
The clouds and the sky.
PITHETAERUS
Very well! is not this the pole of the birds then?
EPOPS
How their pole?
PITHETAERUS
Or, if you like it, their place. And since it turns and passes
through the whole universe, it is called 'pole.' If you build and
fortify it, you will turn your pole into a city. In this way you
will reign over mankind as you do over the grasshoppers and you will
cause the gods to die of rabid hunger
EPOPS
How so?
PITHETAERUS
The air is between earth and heaven. When we want to go to Delphi,
we ask the Boeotians for leave of passage; in the same way, when men
sacrifice to the gods, unless the latter pay you tribute, you exercise
the right of every nation towards strangers and don't allow the
smoke of the sacrifices to pass through your city and territory.
EPOPS
By earth! by snares! by network! by cages! I never heard of
anything more cleverly conceived; and, if the other birds approve, I
am going to build the city along with you.
PITHETAERUS
Who will explain the matter to them?
EPOPS
You must yourself. Before I came they were quite ignorant, but
since have lived with them I have taught them to speak.
PITHETAERUS
But how can they be gathered together?
EPOPS
Easily. I will hasten down to the thicket to waken my dear
Procne and as soon as they hear our voices, they will come to us hot
wing.
PITHETAERUS
My dear bird, lose no time, please! Fly at once into the thicket
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Page No 47
and awaken Procne.
(EPOPS rushes into the thicket.)
EPOPS (from within; singing)
Chase off drowsy sleep, dear companion. Let the sacred hymn gush
from thy divine throat in melodious strains; roll forth in soft
cadence your refreshing melodies to bewail the fate of Itys, which has
been the cause of so many tears to us both. Your pure notes rise
through the thick leaves of the yewtree right up to the throne of
Zeus, where Phoebus listens to you, Phoebus with his golden hair.
And his ivory lyre responds to your plaintive accents; he gathers
the choir of the gods and from their immortal lips pours forth a
sacred chant of blessed voices.
(The flute is played behind the scene, imitating the song of the
nightingale.)
PITHETAERUS
Oh! by Zeus! what a throat that little bird possesses. He has
filled the whole thicket with honeysweet melody!
EUELPIDES
Hush!
PITHETAERUS
What's the matter?
EUELPIDES
Be still!
PITHETAERUS
What for?
EUELPIDES
Epops is going to sing again.
EPOPS (in the thicket, singing)
Epopopoi popoi popopopoi popoi, here, here, quick, quick, quick,
my comrades in the air; all you who pillage the fertile lands of the
husbandmen, the numberless tribes who gather and devour the barley
seeds, the swift flying race that sings so sweetly. And you whose
gentle twitter resounds through the fields with the little cry of
tiotictiotiotiotiotiotio; and you who hop about the branches of the
ivy in the gardens; the mountain birds, who feed on the wild
oliveberries or the arbutus, hurry to come at my call, trioto,
trioto, totobrix; you also, who snap up the sharpstinging gnats in
the marshy vales, and you who dwell in the fine plain of Marathon, all
damp with dew, and you, the francolin with speckled wings; you too,
the halcyons, who flit over the swelling waves of the sea, come hither
to hear the tidings; let all the tribes of longnecked birds
assemble here; know that a clever old man has come to us, bringing
an entirely new idea and proposing great reforms. Let all come to
the debate here, here, here, here. Torotorotorotorotix, kikkabau,
kikkabau, torotorotorolililix.
PITHETAERUS
Can you see any bird?
EUELPIDES
By Phoebus, no! and yet I am straining my eyesight to scan the
sky.
PITHETAERUS
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Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds 45
Page No 48
It was hardly worth Epops' while to go and bury himself in the
thicket like a hatching plover.
A BIRD (entering)
Torotix, torotix.
PITHETAERUS
Wait, friend, there's a bird.
EUELPIDES
By Zeus, it is a bird, but what kind? Isn't it a peacock?
PITHETAERUS (as EPOPS comes out of the thicket)
Epops will tell us. What is this bird?
EPOPS
It's not one of those you are used to seeing; it's a bird from the
marshes.
EUELPIDES
Oh! oh! but he is very handsome with his wings as crimson as
flame.
EPOPS
Undoubtedly; indeed he is called flamingo.
EUELPIDES (excitedly)
Hi! I say! You!
PITHETAERUS
What are you shouting for?
EUELPIDES
Why, here's another bird.
PITHETAERUS
Aye, indeed; this one's a foreign bird too. (To EPOPS) What is
this bird from beyond the mountains with a look as solemn as it is
stupid?
EPOPS
He is called the Mede.
EUELPIDES
The Mede! But, by Heracles, how, if a Mede, has he flown here
without a camel?
PITHETAERUS
Here's another bird with a crest.
(From here on, the numerous birds that make up the CHORUS keep
rushing in.)
EUELPIDES
Ah! that's curious. I say, Epops, you are not the only one of your
kind then?
EPOPS
This bird is the son of Philocles, who is the son of Epops; so
that, you see, I am his grandfather; just as one might say,
Hipponicus, the son of Callias, who is the son of Hipponicus.
EUELPIDES
Then this bird is Callias! Why, what a lot of his feathers he
has lost!
EPOPS
That's because he is honest; so the informers set upon him and the
women too pluck out his feathers.
EUELPIDES
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Page No 49
By Posidon, do you see that manycoloured bird? What is his name?
EPOPS
This one? That's the glutton.
EUELPIDES
Is there another glutton besides Cleonymus? But why, if he is
Cleonymus, has he not thrown away his crest? But what is the meaning
of all these crests? Have these birds come to contend for the double
stadium prize?
EPOPS
They are like the Carians, who cling to the crests of their
mountains for greater safety.
PITHETAERUS
Oh, Posidon! look what awful swarms of birds are gathering here!
EUELPIDES
By Phoebus! what a cloud! The entrance to the stage is no longer
visible, so closely do they fly together.
PITHETAERUS
Here is the partridge.
EUELPIDES
Why, there is the francolin.
PITHETAERUS
There is the poachard.
EUELPIDES
Here is the kingfisher. (To EPOPS) What's that bird behind the
king fisher?
EPOPS
That's the barber.
EUELPIDES
What? a bird a barber?
PITHETAERUS
Why, Sporgilus is one.
EPOPS
Here comes the owl.
EUELPIDES
And who is it brings an owl to Athens?
EPOPS (pointing to the various species)
Here is the magpie, the turtledove, the swallow, the
hornedowl, the buzzard, the pigeon, the falcon, the ringdove, the
cuckoo, the redfoot, the redcap, the purplecap. the kestrel, the
diver, the ousel, the osprey, the woodpecker...
PITHETAERUS
Oh! what a lot of birds!
EUELPIDES
Oh! what a lot of blackbirds!
PITHETAERUS
How they scold, how they come rushing up! What a noise! what a
noise!
EUELPIDES
Can they be bearing us illwill?
PITHETAERUS
Oh! there! there! they are opening their beaks and staring at us.
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Page No 50
EUELPIDES
Why, so they are.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Popopopopopo. Where is he who called me? Where am I to find him?
EPOPS
I have been waiting for you a long while! I never fail in my
word to my friends.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Tititititititi. What good news have you for me?
EPOPS
Something that concerns our common safety, and that is just as
pleasant as it is to the point. Two men, who are subtle reasoners,
have come here to seek me.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Where? How? What are you saying?
EPOPS
I say, two old men have come from the abode of humans to propose a
vast and splendid scheme to us.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Oh! it's a horrible, unheardof crime! What are you saying?
EPOPS
Never let my words scare you.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
What have you done to me?
EPOPS
I have welcomed two men, who wish to live with us.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
And you have dared to do that!
EPOPS
Yes, and I am delighted at having done so.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
And are they already with us?
EPOPS
Just as much as I am.
CHORUS (singing)
Ah! ah! we are betrayed; 'tis sacrilege! Our friend, he who picked
up cornseeds in the same plains as ourselves, has violated our
ancient laws; he has broken the oaths that bind all birds; he has laid
a snare for me, he has handed us over to the attacks of that impious
race which, throughout all time, has never ceased to war against us.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
As for this traitorous bird, we will decide his case later, but
the two old men shall be punished forthwith; we are going to tear them
to pieces.
PITHETAERUS
It's all over with us.
EUELPIDES
You are the sole cause of all our trouble. Why did you bring me
from down yonder?
PITHETAERUS
To have you with me.
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Page No 51
EUELPIDES
Say rather to have me melt into tears.
PITHETAERUS
Go on! you are talking nonsense. How will you weep with your
eyes pecked out?
CHORUS (singing)
Io! io! forward to the attack, throw yourselves upon the foe,
spill his blood; take to your wings and surround them on all sides.
Woe to them! let us get to work with our beaks, let us devour them.
Nothing can save them from our wrath, neither the mountain forests,
nor the clouds that float in the sky, nor the foaming deep.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Come, peck, tear to ribbons. Where is the chief of the cohort? Let
him engage the right wing.
(They rush at the two Athenians.)
EUELPIDES
This is the fatal moment. Where shall I fly to, unfortunate wretch
that am?
PITHETAERUS
Wait! Stay here!
EUELPIDES
That they may tear me to pieces?
PITHETAERUS
And how do you think to escape them?
EUELPIDES
I don't know at all.
PITHETAERUS
Come, I will tell you. We must stop and fight them. Let us arm
ourselves with these stewpots.
EUELPIDES
Why with the stewpots?
PITHETAERUS
The owl will not attack us then.
EUELPIDES
But do you see all those hooked claws?
PITHETAERUS
Take the spit and pierce the foe on your side.
EUELPIDES
And how about my eyes?
PITHETAERUS
Protect them with this dish or this vinegarpot.
EUELPIDES
Oh! what cleverness! what inventive genius! You are a great
general, even greater than Nicias, where stratagem is concerned.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Forward, forward, charge with your beaks! Come, no delay. Tear,
pluck, strike, flay them, and first of all smash the stewpot.
EPOPS (stepping in front of the CHORUS)
Oh, most cruel of all animals, why tear these two men to pieces,
why kill them? What have they done to you? They belong to the same
tribe, to the same family as my wife.
Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds
Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds 49
Page No 52
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Are wolves to be spared? Are they not our most mortal foes? So let
us punish them.
EPOPS
If they are your foes by nature, they are your friends in heart,
and they come here to give you useful advice.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Advice or a useful word from their lips, from them, the enemies of
my forebears?
EPOPS
The wise can often profit by the lessons of a foe, for caution
is the mother of safety. It is just such a thing as one will not learn
from a friend and which an enemy compels you to know. To begin with,
it's the foe and not the friend that taught cities to build high
walls, to equip long vessels of war; and it's this knowledge that
protects our children, our slaves and our wealth.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Well then, I agree, let us first hear them, for that is best;
one can even learn something in an enemy's school.
PITHETAERUS (to EUELPIDES)
Their wrath seems to cool. Draw back a little.
EPOPS
It's only justice, and you will thank me later.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Never have we opposed your advice up to now.
PITHETAERUS
They are in a more peaceful mood,put down your stewpot and
your two dishes; spit in hand, doing duty for a spear, let us mount
guard inside the camp close to the pot and watch in our arsenal
closely; for we must not fly.
EUELPIDES
You are right. But where shall we be buried, if we die?
PITHETAERUS
In the Ceramicus; for, to get a public funeral, we shall tell
the Strategi that we fell at Orneae, fighting the country's foes.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Return to your ranks and lay down your courage beside your wrath
as the hoplites do. Then let us ask these men who they are, whence
they come, and with what intent. Here, Epops, answer me.
EPOPS
Are you calling me? What do you want of me?
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Who are they? From what country?
EPOPS
Strangers, who have come from Greece, the land of the wise.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
And what fate has led them hither to the land of the birds?
EPOPS
Their love for you and their wish to share your kind of life; to
dwell and remain with you always.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
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Page No 53
Indeed, and what are their plans?
EPOPS
They are wonderful, incredible, unheard of.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Why, do they think to see some advantage that determines them to
settle here? Are they hoping with our help to triumph over their
foes or to be useful to their friends?
EPOPS
They speak of benefits so great it is impossible either to
describe or conceive them; all shall be yours, all that we see here,
there, above and below us; this they vouch for.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Are they mad?
EPOPS
They are the sanest people in the world.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Clever men?
EPOPS
The slyest of foxes, cleverness its very self, men of the world,
cunning, the cream of knowing folk.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Tell them to speak and speak quickly; why, as I listen to you, I
am beside myself with delight.
EPOPS (to two attendants)
Here, you there, take all these weapons and hang them up inside
dose to the fire, near the figure of the god who presides there and
under his protection; (to PITHETAERUS) as for you, address the
birds, tell them why I have gathered them together.
PITHETAERUS
Not I, by Apollo, unless they agree with me as the little ape of
an armourer agreed with his wife, not to bite me, nor pull me by the
balls, nor shove things into my...
EUELPIDES (bending over and pointing his finger at his anus)
Do you mean this?
PITHETAERUS
No, I mean my eyes.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Agreed.
PITHETAERUS
Swear it.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
I swear it and, if I keep my promise, let judges and spectators
give me the victory unanimously.
PITHETAERUS
It is a bargain.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
And if I break my word, may I succeed by one vote only.
EPOPS (as HERALD)
Hearken, ye people! Hoplites, pick up your weapons and return to
your firesides; do not fail to read the decrees of dismissal we have
posted.
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Page No 54
CHORUS (singing)
Man is a truly cunning creature, but nevertheless explain. Perhaps
you are going to show me some good way to extend my power, some way
that I have not had the wit to find out and which you have discovered.
Speak! 'tis to your own interest as well as to mine, for if you secure
me some advantage, I will surely share it with you.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
But what object can have induced you to come among us? Speak
boldly, for I shall not break the truce,until you have told us all.
PITHETAERUS
I am bursting with desire to speak; I have already mixed the dough
of my address and nothing prevents me from kneading it....Slave! bring
the chaplet and water, which you must pour over my hands. Be quick!
EUELPIDES
Is it a question of feasting? What does it all mean?
PITHETAERUS
By Zeus, no! but I am hunting for fine, tasty words to break
down the hardness of their hearts. (To the CHORUS) I grieve so much
for you, who at one time were kings...
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
We kings? Over whom?
PITHETAERUS
...of all that exists, firstly of me and of this man, even of Zeus
himself. Your race is older than Saturn, the Titans and the Earth.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
What, older than the Earth!
PITHETAERUS
By Phoebus, yes.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
By Zeus, but I never knew that before!
PITHETAERUS
That's because you are ignorant and heedless, and have never
read your Aesop. He is the one who tells us that the lark was born
before all other creatures, indeed before the Earth; his father died
of sickness, but the Earth did not exist then; he remained unburied
for five days, when the bird in its dilemma decided, for want of a
better place, to entomb its father in its own head.
EUELPIDES
So that the lark's father is buried at Cephalae.
PITHETAERUS
Hence, if they existed before the Earth, before the gods, the
kingship belongs to them by right of priority.
EUELPIDES
Undoubtedly, but sharpen your beak well; Zeus won't be in a
hurry to hand over his sceptre to the woodpecker.
PITHETAERUS
It was not the gods, but the birds, who were formerly the
masters and kings over men; of this I have a thousand proofs. First of
all, I will point you to the cock, who governed the Persians before
all other monarchs, before Darius and Megabazus. It's in memory of his
reign that he is called the Persian bird.
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Page No 55
EUELPIDES
For this reason also, even today, he alone of all the birds wears
his tiara straight on his head, like the Great King.
PITHETAERUS
He was so strong, so great, so feared, that even now, on account
of his ancient power, everyone jumps out of bed as soon as ever he
crows at daybreak. Blacksmiths, potters, tanners, shoemakers, bathmen,
corndealers, lyremakers and armourers, all put on their shoes and
go to work before it is daylight.
EUELPIDES
I can tell you something about that. It was the cock's fault
that I lost a splendid tunic of Phrygian wool. I was at a feast in
town, given to celebrate the birth of a child; I had drunk pretty
freely and had just fallen asleep, when a cock, I suppose in a greater
hurry than the rest, began to crow. I thought it was dawn and set
out for Halimus. I had hardly got beyond the walls, when a footpad
struck me in the back with his bludgeon; down I went and wanted to
shout, but he had already made off with my mantle.
PITHETAERUS
Formerly also the kite was ruler and king over the Greeks.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
The Greeks?
PITHETAERUS
And when he was king, he was the one who first taught them to fall
on their knees before the kites.
EUELPIDES
By Zeus! that's what I did myself one day on seeing a kite; but at
the moment I was on my knees, and leaning backwards with mouth
agape, I bolted an obolus and was forced to carry my mealsack home
empty.
PITHETAERUS
The cuckoo was king of Egypt and of the whole of Phoenicia. When
he called out "cuckoo," all the Phoenicians hurried to the fields to
reap their wheat and their barley.
EUELPIDES
Hence no doubt the proverb, "Cuckoo! cuckoo! go to the fields,
ye circumcised."
PITHETAERUS
So powerful were the birds that the kings of Grecian cities,
Agamemnon, Menelaus, for instance, carried a bird on the tip of
their sceptres, who had his share of all presents.
EUELPIDES
That I didn't know and was much astonished when I saw Priam come
upon the stage in the tragedies with a bird, which kept watching
Lysicrates to see if he got any present.
PITHETAERUS
But the strongest proof of all is that Zeus, who now reigns, is
represented as standing with an eagle on his head as a symbol of his
royalty; his daughter has an owl, and Phoebus, as his servant, has a
hawk.
EUELPIDES
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Page No 56
By Demeter, the point is well taken. But what are all these
birds doing in heaven?
PITHETAERUS
When anyone sacrifices and, according to the rite, offers the
entrails to the gods, these birds take their share before Zeus.
Formerly men always swore by the birds and never by the gods.
EUELPIDES
And even now Lampon swears by the goose whenever he wishes to
deceive someone.
PITHETAERUS
Thus it is clear that you were once great and sacred, but now
you are looked upon as slaves, as fools, as Maneses; stones are thrown
at you as at raving madmen, even in holy places. A crowd of
birdcatchers sets snares, traps, limed twigs and nets of all sorts
for you; you are caught, you are sold in heaps and the buyers finger
you over to be certain you are fat. Again, if they would but serve you
up simply roasted; but they rasp cheese into a mixture of oil, vinegar
and laserwort, to which another sweet and greasy sauce is added, and
the whole is poured scalding hot over your back, for all the world
as if you were diseased meat.
CHORUS (singing)
Man, your words have made my heart bleed; I have groaned over
the treachery of our fathers, who knew not how to transmit to us the
high rank they held from their forefathers. But 'tis a benevolent
Genius, a happy Fate, that sends you to us; you shall be our deliverer
and I place the destiny of my little ones and my own in your hands
with every confidence.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
But hasten to tell me what must be done; we should not be worthy
to live, if we did not seek to regain our royalty by every possible
means.
PITHETAERUS
First I advise that the birds gather together in one city and that
they build a wall of great bricks, like that at Babylon, round the
plains of the air and the whole region of space that divides earth
from heaven.
EPOPS
Oh, Cebriones! oh, Porphyrion! what a terribly strong place!
PITHETAERUS
Then, when this has been well done and completed, you demand
back the empire from Zeus; if he will not agree, if he refuses and
does not at once confess himself beaten, you declare a sacred war
against him and forbid the gods henceforward to pass through your
country with their tools up, as hitherto, for the purpose of laying
their Alcmenas, their Alopes, or their Semeles! if they try to pass
through, you put rings on their tools so that they can't make love any
longer. You send another messenger to mankind, who will proclaim to
them that the birds are kings, that for the future they must first
of all sacrifice to them, and only afterwards to the gods; that it
is fitting to appoint to each deity the bird that has most in common
with it. For instance, are they sacrificing to Aphrodite, let them
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Page No 57
at the same time offer barley to the coot; are they immolating a sheep
to Posidon, let them consecrate wheat in honour of the duck; if a
steer is being offered to Heracles, let honeycakes be dedicated to
the gull; if a goat is being slain for King Zeus, there is a
KingBird, the wren, to whom the sacrifice of a male gnat is due
before Zeus himself even.
EUELPIDES
This notion of an immolated gnat delights me! And now let the
great Zeus thunder!
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
But how will mankind recognize us as gods and not as jays? Us, who
have wings and fly?
PITHETAERUS
You talk rubbish! Hermes is a god and has wings and flies, and
so do many other gods. First of all, Victory flies with golden
wings, Eros is undoubtedly winged too, and Iris is compared by Homer
to a timorous dove.
EUELPIDES
But will not Zeus thunder and send his winged bolts against us?
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
If men in their blindness do not recognize us as gods and so
continue to worship the dwellers in Olympus?
PITHETAERUS
Then a cloud of sparrows greedy for corn must descend upon their
fields and eat up all their seeds; we shall see then if Demeter will
mete them out any wheat.
EUELPIDES
By Zeus, she'll take good care she does not, and you will see
her inventing a thousand excuses.
PITHETAERUS
The crows too will prove your divinity to them by pecking out
the eyes of their flocks and of their draughtoxen; and then let
Apollo cure them, since he is a physician and is paid for the purpose.
EUELPIDES
Oh! don't do that! Wait first until I have sold my two young
bullocks.
PITHETAERUS
If on the other hand they recognize that you are God, the
principle of life, that. you are Earth, Saturn, Posidon, they shall be
loaded with benefits.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Name me one of these then.
PITHETAERUS
Firstly, the locusts shall not eat up their vineblossoms; a
legion of owls and kestrels will devour them. Moreover, the gnats
and the gallbugs shall no longer ravage the figs; a flock of
thrushes shall swallow the whole host down to the very last.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
And how shall we give wealth to mankind? This is their strongest
passion.
PITHETAERUS
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Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds 55
Page No 58
When they consult the omens, you will point them to the richest
mines, you will reveal the paying ventures to the diviner, and not
another shipwreck will happen or sailor perish.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
No more shall perish? How is that?
PITHETAERUS
When the auguries are examined before starting on a voyage, some
bird will not fail to say, "Don't start! there will be a storm," or
else, "Go! you will make a most profitable venture."
EUELPIDES
I shall buy a tradingvessel and go to sea, I will not stay with
you.
PITHETAERUS
You will discover treasures to them, which were buried in former
times, for you know them. Do not all men say, "None knows where my
treasure lies, unless perchance it be some bird."
EUELPIDES
I shall sell my boat and buy a spade to unearth the vessels.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
And how are we to give them health, which belongs to the gods?
PITHETAERUS
If they are happy, is not that the chief thing towards health? The
miserable man is never well.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Old Age also dwells in Olympus. How will they get at it? Must they
die in early youth?
PITHETAERUS
Why, the birds, by Zeus, will add three hundred years to their
life.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
From whom will they take them?
PITHETAERUS
From whom? Why, from themselves. Don't you know the cawing crow
lives five times as long as a man?
EUELPIDES
Ah! ah! these are far better kings for us than Zeus!
PITHETAERUS (solemnly)
Far better, are they not? And firstly, we shall not have to
build them temples of hewn stone, closed with gates of gold; they will
dwell amongst the bushes and in the thickets of green oak; the most
venerated of birds will have no other temple than the foliage of the
olive tree; we shall not go to Delphi or to Ammon to sacrifice; but
standing erect in the midst of arbutus and wild olives and holding
forth our hands filled with wheat and barley, we shall pray them to
admit us to a share of the blessings they enjoy and shall at once
obtain them for a few grains of wheat.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Old man, whom I detested, you are now to me the dearest of all;
never shall I, if I can help it, fail to follow your advice.
CHORUS (singing)
Inspirited by your words, I threaten my rivals the gods, and I
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Page No 59
swear that if you march in alliance with me against the gods and are
faithful to our just, loyal and sacred bond, we shall soon have
shattered their sceptre,
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
We shall charge ourselves with the performance of everything
that requires force; that which demands thought and deliberation shall
be yours to supply.
EPOPS
By Zeus! it's no longer the time to delay and loiter like
Nicias; let us act as promptly as possible.... In the first place,
come, enter my nest built of brushwood and blades of straw, and tell
me your names.
PITHETAERUS
That is soon done; my name is Pithetaerus, and his, Euelpides,
of the deme Crioa.
EPOPS
Good! and good luck to you.
PITHETAERUS
We accept the omen.
EPOPS
Come in here.
PITHETAERUS
Very well, you are the one who must lead us and introduce us.
EPOPS
Come then.
(He starts to fly away.)
PITHETAERUS (stopping himself)
Oh! my god! do come back here. Hi! tell us how we are to follow
you. You can fly, but we cannot.
EPOPS
Well, well.
PITHETAERUS
Remember Aesop's fables. It is told there that the fox fared
very badly, because he had made an alliance with the eagle.
EPOPS
Be at ease. You shall eat a certain root and wings will grow on
your shoulders.
PITHETAERUS
Then let us enter. Xanthias and Manodorus, pick up our baggage.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Hi! Epops! do you hear me?
EPOPS
What's the matter?
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Take them off to dine well and call your mate, the melodious
Procne, whose songs are worthy of the Muses; she will delight our
leisure moments.
PITHETAERUS
Oh! I conjure you, accede to their wish; for this delightful
bird will leave her rushes at the sound of your voice; for the sake of
the gods, let her come here, so that we may contemplate the
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Page No 60
nightingale.
EPOPS
Let is be as you desire. Come forth, Procne, show yourself to
these strangers.
(PROCNE appears; she resembles a young flutegirl.)
PITHETAERUS
Oh! great Zeus! what a beautiful little bird! what a dainty
form! what brilliant plumage! Do you know how dearly I should like
to get between her thighs?
EUELPIDES
She is dazzling all over with gold, like a young girl. Oh! how I
should like to kiss her!
PITHETAERUS
Why, wretched man, she has two little sharp points on her beak!
EUELPIDES
I would treat her like an egg, the shell of which we remove before
eating it; I would take off her mask and then kiss her pretty face.
EPOPS
Let us go in.
PITHETAERUS
Lead the way, and may success attend us.
(EPOPS goes into the thicket, followed by PITHETAERUS and
EUELPIDES.)
CHORUS (singing)
Lovable golden bird, whom I cherish above all others, you, whom
I associate with all my songs, nightingale, you have come, you have
come, to show yourself to me and to charm me with your notes. Come,
you, who play spring melodies upon the harmonious flute, lead off
our anapests.
(The CHORUS turns and faces the audience.)
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Weak mortals, chained to the earth, creatures of clay as frail
as the foliage of the woods, you unfortunate race, whose life is but
darkness, as unreal as a shadow, the illusion of a dream, hearken to
us, who are immortal beings, ethereal, ever young and occupied with
eternal thoughts, for we shall teach you about all celestial
matters; you shall know thoroughly what is the nature of the birds,
what the origin of the gods, of the rivers, of Erebus, and Chaos;
thanks to us, even Prodicus will envy you your knowledge.
At the beginning there was only Chaos, Night, dark Erebus, and
deep Tartarus. Earth, the air and heaven had no existence. Firstly,
blackwinged Night laid a germless egg in the bosom of the infinite
deeps of Erebus, and from this, after the revolution of long ages,
sprang the graceful Eros with his glittering golden wings, swift as
the whirlwinds of the tempest. He mated in deep Tartarus with dark
Chaos, winged like himself, and thus hatched forth our race, which was
the first to see the light. That of the Immortals did not exist
until Eros had brought together all the ingredients of the world,
and from their marriage Heaven, Ocean, Earth and the imperishable race
of blessed gods sprang into being. Thus our origin is very much
older than that of the dwellers in Olympus. We are the offspring of
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Page No 61
Eros; there are a thousand proofs to show it. We have wings and we
lend assistance to lovers. How many handsome youths, who had sworn
to remain insensible, have opened their thighs because of our power
and have yielded themselves to their lovers when almost at the end
of their youth, being led away by the gift of a quail, a waterfowl,
a goose, or a cock.
And what important services do not the birds render to mortals!
First of all, they mark the seasons for them, springtime, winter,
and autumn. Does the screaming crane migrate to Libya,it warns the
husbandman to sow, the pilot to take his ease beside his tiller hung
up in his dwelling, and Orestes to weave a tunic, so that the rigorous
cold may not drive him any more to strip other folk. When the kite
reappears, he tells of the return of spring and of the period when the
fleece of the sheep must be clipped. Is the swallow in sight? All
hasten to sell their warm tunic and to buy some light clothing. We are
your Ammon, Delphi, Dodona, your Phoebus Apollo. Before undertaking
anything, whether a business transaction, a marriage, or the
purchase of food, you consult the birds by reading the omens, and
you give this name of omen to all signs that tell of the future.
With you a word is an omen, you call a sneeze an omen, a meeting an
omen, an unknown sound an omen, a slave or an ass an omen. Is it not
clear that we are a prophetic Apollo to you? (More and more rapidly
from here on.) If you recognize us as gods, we shall be your
divining Muses, through us you will know the winds and the seasons,
summer, winter, and the temperate months. We shall not withdraw
ourselves to the highest clouds like Zeus, but shall be among you
and shall give to you and to your children and the children of your
children, health and wealth, long life, peace, youth, laughter,
songs and feasts; in short, you will all be so well off, that you will
be weary and cloyed with enjoyment.
FIRST SEMICHORUS (singing)
Oh, rustic Muse of such varied note, tiotiotiotiotiotinx, I sing
with you in the groves and on the mountain tops, tiotiotiotinx. I
poured forth sacred strains from my golden throat in honour of the god
Pan, tiotiotiotinx, from the top of the thickly leaved ash, and my
voice mingles with the mighty choirs who extol Cybele on the
mountain tops, totototototototototinx. 'Tis to our concerts that
Phrynichus comes to pillage like a bee the ambrosia of his songs,
the sweetness of which so charms the ear, tiotiotiotinx.
LEADER OF FIRST SEMICHORUS
If there is one of you spectators who wishes to spend the rest
of his life quietly among the birds, let him come to us. All that is
disgraceful and forbidden by law on earth is on the contrary
honourable among us, the birds. For instance, among you it's a crime
to beat your father, but with us it's an estimable deed; it's
considered fine to run straight at your father and hit him, saying,
"Come, lift your spur if you want to fight." The runaway slave, whom
you brand, is only a spotted francolin with us. Are you Phrygian
like Spintharus? Among us you would be the Phrygian bird, the
goldfinch, of the race of Philemon. Are you a slave and a Carian
like Execestides? Among us you can create yourself forefathers; you
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Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds 59
Page No 62
can always find relations. Does the son of Pisias want to betray the
gates of the city to the foe? Let him become a partridge, the
fitting offspring of his father; among us there is no shame in
escaping as cleverly as a partridge.
SECOND SEMICHORUS (singing)
So the swans on the banks of the Hebrus, tiotiotiotiotiotinx,
mingle their voices to serenade Apollo, tiotiotiotinx, flapping
their wings the while, tiotiotiotinx; their notes reach beyond the
clouds of heaven; they startle the various tribes of the beasts; a
windles sky calms the waves, totototototototototinx; all Olympus
resounds, and astonishment seizes its rulers; the Olympian graces
and Muses cry aloud the strain, tiotiotiotinx.
LEADER OF SECOND SEMICHORUS
There is nothing more useful nor more pleasant than to have wings.
To begin with, just let us suppose a spectator to be dying with hunger
and to be weary of the choruses of the tragic poets; if he were
winged, he would fly off, go home to dine and come back with his
stomach filled. Some Patroclides, needing to take a crap, would not
have to spill it out on his cloak, but could fly off, satisfy his
requirements, let a few farts and, having recovered his breath,
return. If one of you, it matters not who, had adulterous relations
and saw the husband of his mistress in the seats of the senators, he
might stretch his wings, fly to her, and, having laid her, resume
his place. Is it not the most priceless gift of all, to be winged?
Look at Diitrephes! His wings were only wickerwork ones, and yet he
got himself chosen Phylarch and then Hipparch; from being nobody, he
has risen to be famous; he's now the finest gilded cock of his tribe.
(PITHETAERUS and EUELPIDES return; they now have wings.)
PITHETAERUS
Halloa! What's this? By Zeus! I never saw anything so funny in all
my life.
EUELPIDES
What makes you laugh?
PITHETAERUS
Your little wings. D'you know what you look like? Like a goose
painted by some dauber.
EUELPIDES
And you look like a closeshaven blackbird.
PITHETAERUS
We ourselves asked for this transformation, and, as Aeschylus
has it, "These are no borrowed feathers, but truly our own."
EPOPS
Come now, what must be done?
PITHETAERUS
First give our city a great and famous name, then sacrifice to the
gods.
EUELPIDES
I think so too.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Let's see. What shall our city be called?
PITHETAERUS
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Will you have a highsounding Laconian name? Shall we call it
Sparta?
EUELPIDES
What! call my town Sparta? Why, I would not use esparto for my
bed, even though I had nothing but bands of rushes.
PITHETAERUS
Well then, what name can you suggest?
EUELPIDES
Some name borrowed from the clouds, from these lofty regions in
which we dwellin short, some wellknown name.
PITHETAERUS
Do you like Nephelococcygia?
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Oh! capital! truly that's a brilliant thought!
EUELPIDES
Is it in Nephelococcygia that all the wealth of Theogenes and most
of Aeschines' is?
PITHETAERUS
No, it's rather the plain of Phlegra, where the gods withered
the pride of the sons of the Earth with their shafts.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Oh! what a splendid city! But what god shall be its patron? for
whom shall we weave the peplus?
EUELPIDES
Why not choose Athene Polias?
PITHETAERUS
Oh! what a wellordered town it would be to have a female deity
armed from head to foot, while Clisthenes was spinning!
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Who then shall guard the Pelargicon?
PITHETAERUS
A bird.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
One of us? What kind of bird?
PITHETAERUS
A bird of Persian strain, who is everywhere proclaimed to be the
bravest of all, a true chick of Ares.
EUELPIDES
Oh! noble chick!
PITHETAERUS
Because he is a god well suited to live on the rocks. Come! into
the air with you to help the workers who are building the wall;
carry up rubble, strip yourself to mix the mortar, take up the hod,
tumble down the ladder, if you like, post sentinels, keep the fire
smouldering beneath the ashes, go round the walls, bell in hand, and
go to sleep up there yourself then despatch two heralds, one to the
gods above, the other to mankind on earth and come back here.
EUELPIDES
As for yourself, remain here, and may the plague take you for a
troublesome fellow!
(He departs.)
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PITHETAERUS
Go, friend, go where I send you, for without you my orders
cannot be obeyed. For myself, I want to sacrifice to the new god,
and I am going to summon the priest who must preside at the
ceremony. Slaves! slaves! bring forward the basket and the lustral
water.
CHORUS (singing)
I do as you do, and I wish as you wish, and I implore you to
address powerful and solemn prayers to the gods, and in addition to
immolate a sheep as a token of our gratitude. Let us sing the
Pythian chant in honour of the god, and let Chaeris accompany our
voices.
PITHETAERUS
Enough! but, by Heracles! what is this? Great gods! I have seen
many prodigious things, but I never saw a muzzled raven. (The PRIEST
arrives.) Priest! it's high time! Sacrifice to the new gods.
PRIEST
I begin, but where is the man with the basket? Pray to the
Hestia of the birds, to the kite, who presides over the hearth, and to
all the god and goddessbirds who dwell in Olympus...
PITHETAERUS
Oh! Hawk, the sacred guardian of Sunium, oh, god of the storks!
PRIEST
...to the swan of Delos, to Leto the mother of the quails, and to
Artemis, the goldfinch...
PITHETAERUS
It's no longer Artemis Colaenis, but Artemis the goldfinch.
PRIEST
...to Bacchus, the finch and Cybele, the ostrich and mother of the
gods and mankind...
PITHETAERUS
Oh! sovereign ostrich Cybele, mother of Cleocritus!
PRIEST
...to grant health and safety to the Nephelococcygians as well as
to the dwellers in Chios...
PITHETAERUS
The dwellers in Chios! Ah! I am delighted they should be thus
mentioned on all occasions.
PRIEST
...to the heroes, the birds, to the sons of heroes, to the
porphyrion, the pelican, the spoonbill, the redbreast, the grouse,
the peacock, the hornedowl, the teal, the bittern, the heron, the
stormy petrel, the figpecker, the titmouse...
PITHETAERUS
Stop! stop! you drive me crazy with your endless list. Why,
wretch, to what sacred feast are you inviting the vultures and the
seaeagles? Don't you see that a single kite could easily carry off
the lot at once? Begone, you and your fillets and all; I shall know
how to complete the sacrifice by myself.
(The PRIEST departs.)
It is imperative that I sing another sacred chant for the rite
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of the lustral water, and that I invoke the immortals, or at least one
of them, provided always that you have some suitable food to offer
him; from what I see here, in the shape of gifts, there is naught
whatever but horn and hair.
PITHETAERUS
Let us address our sacrifices and our prayers to the winged gods.
(A POET enters.)
POET
Oh, Muse! celebrate happy Nephelococcygia in your hymns.
PITHETAERUS
What have we here? Where did you come from, tell me? Who are you?
POET
I am he whose language is sweeter than honey, the zealous slave of
the Muses, as Homer has it.
PITHETAERUS
You a slave! and yet you wear your hair long?
POET
No, but the fact is all we poets are the assiduous slaves of the
Muses, according to Homer.
PITHETAERUS
In truth your little cloak is quite holy too through zeal! But,
poet, what ill wind drove you here?
POET
I have composed verses in honour of your Nephelococcygia, a host
of splendid dithyrambs and parthenia worthy of Simonides himself.
PITHETAERUS
And when did you compose them? How long since?
POET
Oh! 'tis long, aye, very long, that I have sung in honour of
this city.
PITHETAERUS
But I am only celebrating its foundation with this sacrifice; I
have only just named it, as is done with little babies.
POET
"Just as the chargers fly with the speed of the wind, so does
the voice of the Muses take its flight. Oh! thou noble founder of
the town of Aetna, thou, whose name recalls the holy sacrifices,
make us such gift as thy generous heart shall suggest."
(He puts out his hand.)
PITHETAERUS
He will drive us silly if we do not get rid of him by some
present. (To the PRIEST'S acolyte) Here! you, who have a fur as well
as your tunic, take it off and give it to this clever poet. Come, take
this fur; you look to me to be shivering with cold.
POET
My Muse will gladly accept this gift; but engrave these verses
of Pindar's on your mind.
PITHETAERUS
Oh! what a pest! It's impossible then to get rid of him!
POET
"Straton wanders among the Scythian nomads, but has no linen
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garment. He is sad at only wearing an animal's pelt and no tunic."
Do you get what I mean?
PITHETAERUS
I understand that you want me to offer you a tunic. Hi! you (to
the acolyte), take off yours; we must help the poet....Come, you, take
it and get out.
POET
I am going, and these are the verses that I address to this
city: "Phoebus of the golden throne, celebrate this shivery,
freezing city; I have travelled through fruitful and snowcovered
plains. Tralala! Tralala!"
(He departs.)
PITHETAERUS
What are you chanting us about frosts? Thanks to the tunic, you no
longer fear them. Ah! by Zeus! I could not have believed this cursed
fellow could so soon have learnt the way to our city. (To a slave)
Come, take the lustral water and circle the altar. Let all keep
silence!
(An ORACLEMONGER enters.)
ORACLEMONGER
Let not the goat be sacrificed.
PITHETAERUS
Who are you?
ORACLEMONGER
Who am I? An oraclemonger.
PITHETAERUS
Get out!
ORACLEMONGER
Wretched man, insult not sacred things. For there is an oracle
of Bacis, which exactly applies to Nephelococcygia.
PITHETAERUS
Why did you not reveal it to me before I founded my city?
ORACLEMONGER
The divine spirit was against it.
PITHETAERUS
Well, I suppose there's nothing to do but hear the terms of the
oracle.
ORACLEMONGER
"But when the wolves and the white crows shall dwell together
between Corinth and Sicyon..."
PITHETAERUS
But how do the Corinthians concern me?
ORACLEMONGER
It is the regions of the air that Bacis indicates in this
manner. "They must first sacrifice a whitefleeced goat to Pandora,
and give the prophet who first reveals my words a good cloak and new
sandals."
PITHETAERUS
Does it say sandals there?
ORACLEMONGER
Look at the book. "And besides this a goblet of wine and a good
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share of the entrails of the entrails of the victim."
PITHETAERUS
Of the entrailsdoes it say that?
ORACLEMONGER
Look at the book. "If you do as I command, divine youth, you shall
be an eagle among the clouds; if not, you shall be neither
turtledove, nor eagle, nor woodpecker."
PITHETAERUS
Does it say all that?
ORACLEMONGER
Look at the book.
PITHETAERUS
This oracle in no sort of way resembles the one Apollo dictated to
me: "If an impostor comes without invitation to annoy you during the
sacrifice and to demand a share of the victim, apply a stout stick
to his ribs."
ORACLEMONGER
You are drivelling.
PITHETAERUS
Look at the book. "And don't spare him, were he an eagle from
out of the clouds, were it Lampon himself or the great Diopithes."
ORACLEMONGER
Does it say that?
PITHETAERUS
Look at the book and go and hang yourself.
ORACLEMONGER
Oh! unfortunate wretch that I am.
(He departs.)
PITHETAERUS
Away with you, and take your prophecies elsewhere.
(Enter METON, With surveying instruments.)
METON
I have come to you...
PITHETAERUS (interrupting)
Yet another pest! What have you come to do? What's your plan?
What's the purpose of your journey? Why these splendid buskins?
METON
I want to survey the plains of the air for you and to parcel
them into lots.
PITHETAERUS
In the name of the gods, who are you?
METON
Who am I? Meton, known throughout Greece and at Colonus.
PITHETAERUS
What are these things?
METON
Tools for measuring the air. In truth, the spaces in the air
have precisely the form of a furnace. With this bent ruler I draw a
line from top to bottom; from one of its points I describe a circle
with the compass. Do you understand?
PITHETAERUS
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Not in the least.
METON
With the straight ruler I set to work to inscribe a square
within this circle; in its centre will be the marketplace, into which
all the straight streets will lead, converging to this centre like a
star, which, although only orbicular, sends forth its rays in a
straight line from all sides.
PITHETAERUS
A regular Thales! Meton...
METON
What d'you want with me?
PITHETAERUS
I want to give you a proof of my friendship. Use your legs.
METON
Why, what have I to fear?
PITHETAERUS
It's the same here as in Sparta. Strangers are driven away, and
blows rain down as thick as hail.
METON
Is there sedition in your city?
PITHETAERUS
No, certainly not.
METON
What's wrong then?
PITHETAERUS
We are agreed to sweep all quacks and impostors far from our
borders.
METON
Then I'll be going.
PITHETAERUS
I'm afraid it's too late. The thunder growls already.
(He beats him.)
METON
Oh, woe! oh, woe!
PITHETAERUS
I warned you. Now, be off, and do your surveying somewhere else.
(METON takes to his heels. He is no sooner gone than an INSPECTOR
arrives.)
INSPECTOR
Where are the Proxeni?
PITHETAERUS
Who is this Sardanapalus?
INSPECTOR
I have been appointed by lot to come to Nephelococcygia. as
inspector.
PITHETAERUS
An inspector! and who sends you here, you rascal?
INSPECTOR
A decree of Teleas.
PITHETAERUS
Will you just pocket your salary, do nothing, and get out?
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INSPECTOR
Indeed I will; I am urgently needed to be at Athens to attend
the Assembly; for I am charged with the interests of Pharnaces.
PITHETAERUS
Take it then, and get on your way. This is your salary.
(He beats him.)
INSPECTOR
What does this mean?
PITHETAERUS
This is the assembly where you have to defend Pharnaces.
INSPECTOR
You shall testify that they dare to strike me, the inspector.
PITHETAERUS
Are you not going to get out with your urns? It's not to be
believed; they send us inspectors before we have so much as paid
sacrifice to the gods.
(The INSPECTOR goes into hiding. A DEALER IN DECREES arrives.)
DEALER IN DECREES (reading)
"If the Nephelococcygian does wrong to the Athenian..."
PITHETAERUS
What trouble now? What book is that?
DEALER IN DECREES
I am a dealer in decrees, and I have come here to sell you the new
laws.
PITHETAERUS
Which?
DEALER IN DECREES
"The Nephelococcygians shall adopt the same weights, measures
and decrees as the Olophyxians."
PITHETAERUS
And you shall soon be imitating the Ototyxians.
(He beats him.)
DEALER IN DECREES
Ow! what are you doing?
PITHETAERUS
Now will you get out of here with your decrees? For I am going
to let you see some severe ones.
(The DEALER IN DECREES departs; the INSPECTOR comes out of
hiding.)
INSPECTOR (returning)
I summon Pithetaerus for outrage for the month of Munychion.
PITHETAERUS
Ha! my friend! are you still here?
(The DEALER IN DECREES also returns.)
DEALER IN DECREES
"Should anyone drive away the magistrates and not receive them,
according to the decree duly posted..."
PITHETAERUS
What! rascal! you are back too?
(He rushes at him.)
INSPECTOR
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Woe to you! I'll have you condemned to a fine of ten thousand
drachmae.
PITHETAERUS
And I'll smash your urns.
INSPECTOR
Do you recall that evening when you crapped on the column where
the decrees are posted?
PITHETAERUS
Here! here! let him be seized. (The INSPECTOR runs off.) Why,
don't you want to stay any longer? But let us get indoors as quick
as possible; we will sacrifice the goat inside.
FIRST SEMICHORUS (singing)
Henceforth it is to me that mortals must address their
sacrifices and their prayers. Nothing escapes my sight nor my might.
My glance embraces the universe, I preserve the fruit in the flower by
destroying the thousand kinds of voracious insects the soil
produces, which attack the trees and feed on the germ when it has
scarcely formed in the calyx; I destroy those who ravage the balmy
terrace gardens like a deadly plague; all these gnawing crawling
creatures perish beneath the lash of my wing.
LEADER OF FIRST SEMICHORUS
I hear it proclaimed everywhere: "A talent for him who shall
kill Diagoras of Melos, and a talent for him who destroys one of the
dead tyrants." We likewise wish to make our proclamation: "A talent to
him among you who shall kill Philocrates, the Struthian; four, if he
brings him to us alive. For this Philocrates skewers the finches
together and sells them at the rate of an obolus for seven. He
tortures the thrushes by blowing them out, so that they may look
bigger, sticks their own feathers into the nostrils of blackbirds, and
collects pigeons, which he shuts up and forces them, fastened in a
net, to decoy others." That is what we wish to proclaim. And if anyone
is keeping birds shut up in his yard, let him hasten to let them
loose; those who disobey shall be seized by the birds and we shall put
them in chains, so that in their turn they may decoy other men.
SECOND SEMICHORUS (singing)
Happy indeed is the race of winged birds who need no cloak in
winter! Neither do I fear the relentless rays of the fiery dogdays;
when the divine grasshopper, intoxicated with the sunlight, as noon is
burning the ground, is breaking out into shrill melody; my home is
beneath the foliage in the flowery meadows. I winter in deep
caverns, where I frolic with the mountain nymphs, while in spring I
despoil the gardens of the Graces and gather the white, virgin berry
on the myrtle bushes.
LEADER OF SECOND SEMICHORUS
I want now to speak to the judges about the prize they are going
to award; if they are favourable to us, we will load them with
benefits far greater than those Paris received. Firstly, the owls of
Laurium, which every judge desires above all things, shall never be
wanting to you; you shall see them homing with you, building their
nests in your moneybags and laying coins. Besides, you shall be
housed like the gods, for we shall erect gables over your dwellings;
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if you hold some public post and want to do a little pilfering, we
will give you the sharp claws of a hawk. Are you dining in town, we
will provide you with stomachs as capacious as a bird's crop. But,
if your award is against us, don't fail to have metal covers fashioned
for yourselves, like those they place over statues; else, look out!
for the day you wear a white tunic all the birds will soil it with
their droppings.
PITHETAERUS
Birds! the sacrifice is propitious. But I see no messenger
coming from the wall to tell us what is happening. Ah! here comes
one running himself out of breath as though he were in the Olympic
stadium.
MESSENGER (running back and forth)
Where, where, where is he? Where, where, where is he? Where,
where, where is he? Where is Pithetaerus, our leader?
PITHETAERUS
Here am I.
MESSENGER
The wall is finished.
PITHETAERUS
That's good news.
MESSENGER
It's a most beautiful, a most magnificent work of art. The wall is
so broad that Proxenides, the Braggartian, and Theogenes could pass
each other in their chariots, even if they were drawn by steeds as big
as the Trojan horse.
PITHETAERUS
That's fine!
MESSENGER
Its length is one hundred stadia; I measured it myself.
PITHETAERUS
A decent length, by Posidon! And who built such a wall?
MESSENGER
Birdsbirds only; they had neither Egyptian brickmaker, nor
stonemason, nor carpenter; the birds did it all themselves; I could
hardly believe my eyes. Thirty thousand cranes came from Libya with
a supply of stones, intended for the foundations. The waterrails
chiselled them with their beaks. Ten thousand storks were busy
making bricks; plovers and other water fowl carried water into the
air.
PITHETAERUS
And who carried the mortar?
MESSENGER
Herons, in hods.
PITHETAERUS
But how could they put the mortar into the hods?
MESSENGER
Oh! it was a truly clever invention; the geese used their feet
like spades; they buried them in the pile of mortar and then emptied
them into the hods.
PITHETAERUS
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Ah! to what use cannot feet be put?
MESSENGER
You should have seen how eagerly the ducks carried bricks. To
complete the tale, the swallows came flying to the work, their beaks
full of mortar and their trowels on their backs, just the way little
children are carried.
PITHETAERUS
Who would want paid servants after this? But tell me, who did
the woodwork?
MESSENGER
Birds again, aid clever carpenters too, the pelicans, for they
squared up the gates with their beaks in such a fashion that one would
have thought they were using axes; the noise was just like a dockyard.
Now the whole wall is tight everywhere, securely bolted and well
guarded; it is patrolled, bell in hand; the sentinels stand everywhere
and beacons burn on the towers. But I must run off to clean myself;
the rest is your business.
(He departs.)
LEADER OF THE CHORUS (to PITHETAERUS)
Well! what do you say to it? Are you not astonished at the wall
being completed so quickly?
PITHETAERUS
By the gods, yes, and with good reason. It's really not to be
believed. But here comes another messenger from the wall to bring us
some further news! What a fighting look he has!
SECOND MESSENGER (rushing in)
Alas! alas! alas! alas! alas! alas!
PITHETAERUS
What's the matter?
SECOND MESSENGER
A horrible outrage has occurred; a god sent by Zeus has passed
through our gates and has penetrated the realms of the air without the
knowledge of the jays, who are on guard in the daytime.
PITHETAERUS
It's a terrible and criminal deed. What god was it?
SECOND MESSENGER
We don't know that. All we know is, that he has got wings.
PITHETAERUS
Why were not patrolmen sent against him at once?
SECOND MESSENGER
We have despatched thirty thousand hawks of the legion of
Mounted Archers. All the hookclawed birds are moving against him, the
kestrel, the buzzard, the vulture, the greathorned owl; they cleave
the air so that it resounds with the flapping of their wings; they are
looking everywhere for the god, who cannot be far away; indeed, if I
mistake not, he is coming from yonder side.
PITHETAERUS
To arms, all, with slings and bows! This way, all our soldiers;
shoot and strike! Some one give me a sling!
CHORUS (singing)
War, a terrible war is breaking out between us and the gods! Come,
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let each one guard Air, the son of Erebus, in which the clouds
float. Take care no immortal enters it without your knowledge.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Scan all sides with your glance. Hark! methinks I can hear the
rustle of the swift wings of a god from heaven.
(The Machine brings in IRIS, in the form of a young girl.)
PITHETAERUS
Hi! you woman! where, where, are you flying to? Halt, don't
stir! keep motionless! not a beat of your wing! (She pauses in her
flight.) Who are you and from what country? You must say whence you
come.
IRIS
I come from the abode of the Olympian gods.
PITHETAERUS
What's your name, ship or headdress?
IRIS
I am swift Iris.
PITHETAERUS
Paralus or Salaminia?
IRIS
What do you mean?
PITHETAERUS
Let a buzzard rush at her and seize her.
IRIS
Seize me? But what do all these insults mean?
PITHETAERUS
Woe to you!
IRIS
I do not understand it.
PITHETAERUS
By which gate did you pass through the wall, wretched woman?
IRIS
By which gate? Why, great gods, I don't know.
PITHETAERUS
You hear how she holds us in derision. Did you present yourself to
the officers in command of the jays? You don't answer. Have you a
permit, bearing the seal of the storks?
IRIS
Am I dreaming?
PITHETAERUS
Did you get one?
IRIS
Are you mad?
PITHETAERUS
No headbird gave you a safeconduct?
IRIS
A safeconduct to me. You poor fool!
PITHETAERUS
Ah! and so you slipped into this city on the sly and into these
realms of airland that don't belong to you.
IRIS
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And what other roads can the gods travel?
PITHETAERUS
By Zeus! I know nothing about that, not I. But they won't pass
this way. And you still dare to complain? Why, if you were treated
according to your deserts, no Iris would ever have more justly
suffered death.
IRIS
I am immortal.
PITHETAERUS
You would have died nevertheless.Oh! that would be truly
intolerable! What! should the universe obey us and the gods alone
continue their insolence and not understand that they must submit to
the law of the strongest in their due turn? But tell me, where are you
flying to?
IRIS
I? The messenger of Zeus to mankind, I am going to tell them to
sacrifice sheep and oxen on the altars and to fill their streets
with the rich smoke of burning fat.
PITHETAERUS
Of which gods are you speaking?
IRIS
Of which? Why, of ourselves, the gods of heaven.
PITHETAERUS
You, gods?
IRIS
Are there others then?
PITHETAERUS
Men now adore the birds as gods, and it's to them, by Zeus, that
they must offer sacrifices, and not to Zeus at all!
IRIS (in tragic style)
Oh! fool! fool! fool! Rouse not the wrath of the gods, for it is
terrible indeed. Armed with the brand of Zeus, justice would
annihilate your race; the lightning would strike you as it did
Licymnius and consume both your body and the porticos of your palace.
PITHETAERUS
Here! that's enough tall talk. Just you listen and keep quiet!
Do you take me for a Lydian or a Phrygian and think to frighten me
with your big words? Know, that if Zeus worries me again, I shall go
at the head of my eagles, who are armed with lightning, and reduce his
dwelling and that of Amphion to cinders. I shall send more than six
hundred porphyrions clothed in leopards' skins up to heaven against
him; and formerly a single Porphyrion gave him enough to do. As for
you, his messenger, if you annoy me, I shall begin by getting
between your thighs, and even though you are Iris, you will be
surprised at the erection the old man can produce; it's three times as
good as the ram on a ship's prow!
IRIS
May you perish, you wretch, you and your infamous words!
PITHETAERUS
Won't you get out of here quickly? Come, stretch your wings or
look out for squalls!
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Page No 75
IRIS
If my father does not punish you for your insults...
(The Machine takes IRIS away.)
PITHETAERUS
Ha!... but just you be off elsewhere to roast younger folk than us
with your lightning.
CHORUS (singing)
We forbid the gods, the sons of Zeus, to pass through our city and
the mortals to send them the smoke of their sacrifices by this road.
PITHETAERUS
It's odd that the messenger we sent to the mortals has never
returned.
(The HERALD enters, wearing a golden garland on his head.)
HERALD
Oh! blessed Pithetaerus, very wise, very illustrious, very
gracious, thrice happy, very...Come, prompt me, somebody, do
PITHETAERUS
Get to your story!
HERALD
All peoples are filled with admiration for your wisdom, and they
award you this golden crown.
PITHETAERUS
I accept it. But tell me, why do the people admire me?
HERALD
Oh you, who have founded so illustrious a city in the air, you
know not in what esteem men hold you and how many there are who burn
with desire to dwell in it. Before your city was built, all men had
a mania for Sparta; long hair and fasting were held in honour, men
went dirty like Socrates and carried staves. Now all is changed.
Firstly, as soon as it's dawn, they all spring out of bed together
to go and seek their food, the same as you do; then they fly off
towards the notices and finally devour the decrees. The birdmadness
is so clear that many actually bear the names of birds. There is a
halting victualler, who styles himself the partridge; Menippus calls
himself the swallow; Opuntius the oneeyed crow; Philocles the lark;
Theogenes the foxgoose; Lycurgus the ibis; Chaerephon the bat;
Syracosius the magpie; Midias the quail; indeed he looks like a
quail that has been hit hard on the head. Out of love for the birds
they repeat all the songs which concern the swallow, the teal, the
goose or the pigeon; in each verse you see wings, or at all events a
few feathers. This is what is happening down there. Finally, there are
more than ten thousand folk who are coming here from earth to ask
you for feathers and hooked claws; so, mind you supply yourself with
wings for the immigrants.
PITHETAERUS
Ah! by Zeus, there's no time for idling. (To some slaves) Go as
quick as possible and fill every hamper, every basket you can find
with wings. Manes will bring them to me outside the walls, where I
will welcome those who present themselves.
CHORUS (Singing)
This town will soon be inhabited by a crowd of men. Fortune
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Page No 76
favours us alone and thus they have fallen in love with our city.
PITHETAERUS (to the slave MANES, who brings in a basket full of
wings)
Come, hurry up and bring them along.
CHORUS (singing)
Will not man find here everything that can please himwisdom,
love, the divine Graces, the sweet face of gentle peace?
PITHETAERUS (as MANES Comes in with another basket)
Oh! you lazy servant! won't you hurry yourself?
CHORUS (singing)
Let a basket of wings be brought speedily. Come, beat him as I do,
and put some life into him; he is as lazy as an ass.
PITHETAERUS
Aye, Manes is a great craven.
CHORUS (singing)
Begin by putting this heap of wings in order; divide them in three
parts according to the birds from whom they came; the singing, the
prophetic and the aquatic birds; then you must take care to distribute
them to the men according to their character.
PITHETAERUS (to MANES, who is bringing in another basket)
Oh! by the kestrels! I can keep my hands off you no longer; you
are too slow and lazy altogether.
(He hits MANES, who runs away. A young PARRICIDE enters.)
PARRICIDE (singing)
Oh! might I but become an eagle, who soars in the skies! Oh! might
I fly above the azure waves of the barren sea!
PITHETAERUS
Ha! it would seem the news was true; I hear someone coming who
talks of wings.
PARRICIDE
Nothing is more charming than to fly; I am birdmad and fly
towards you, for I want to live with you and to obey your laws.
PITHETAERUS
Which laws? The birds have many laws.
PARRICIDE
All of them; but the one that pleases me most is that among the
birds it is considered a fine thing to peck and strangle one's father.
PITHETAERUS
Yes, by Zeus! according to us, he who dares to strike his
father, while still a chick, is a brave fellow.
PARRICIDE
And therefore I want to dwell here, for I want to strangle my
father and inherit his wealth.
PITHETAERUS
But we have also an ancient law written in the code of the storks,
which runs thus, "When the stork father has reared his young and has
taught them to fly, the young must in their turn support the father."
PARRICIDE (petulantly)
It's hardly worth while coming all this distance to be compelled
to keep my father!
PITHETAERUS
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No, no, young friend, since you have come to us with such
willingness, I am going to give you these black wings, as though you
were an orphan bird; furthermore, some good advice, that I received
myself in infancy. Don't strike your father, but take these wings in
one hand and these spurs in the other; imagine you have a cock's crest
on your head and go and mount guard and fight; live on your pay and
respect your father's life. You're a gallant fellow! Very well,
then! Fly to Thrace and fight.
PARRICIDE
By Bacchus! You're right; I will follow your counsel.
PITHETAERUS
It's acting wisely, by Zeus.
(The PARRICIDE departs, and the dithyrambic poet CINESIAS
arrives.)
CINESIAS (singing)
"On my light pinions I soar off to Olympus; in its capricious
flight my Muse flutters along the thousand paths of poetry in turn..."
PITHETAERUS
This is a fellow will need a whole shipload of wings.
CINESIAS (singing)
"...and being fearless and vigorous, it is seeking fresh outlet."
PITHETAERUS
Welcome, Cinesias, you limewood man! Why have you come here
twisting your game leg in circles?
CINESIAS (singing)
"I want to become a bird, a tuneful nightingale."
PITHETAERUS
Enough of that sort of ditty. Tell me what you want.
CINESIAS
Give me wings and I will fly into the topmost airs to gather fresh
songs in the clouds, in the midst of the vapours and the fleecy snow.
PITHETAERUS
Gather songs in the clouds?
CINESIAS
'Tis on them the whole of our latterday art depends. The most
brilliant dithyrambs are those that flap their wings in empty space
and are clothed in mist and dense obscurity. To appreciate this,
just listen.
PITHETAERUS
Oh! no, no, no!
CINESIAS
By Hermes! but indeed you shall. (He sings.) "I shall travel
through thine ethereal empire like a winged bird, who cleaveth space
with his long neck..."
PITHETAERUS
Stop! Way enough!
CINESIAS
"...as I soar over the seas, carried by the breath of the
winds..."
PITHETAERUS
By Zeus! I'll cut your breath short.
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(He picks up a pair of wings and begins trying to stop CINESIAS'
mouth with them.)
CINESIAS (running away)
"...now rushing along the tracks of Notus, now nearing Boreas
across the infinite wastes of the ether." Ah! old man, that's a pretty
and clever idea truly!
PITHETAERUS
What! are you not delighted to be cleaving the air?
CINESIAS
To treat a dithyrambic poet, for whom the tribes dispute with each
other, in this style!
PITHETAERUS
Will you stay with us and form a chorus of winged birds as slender
as Leotrophides for the Cecropid tribe?
CINESIAS
You are making game of me, that's clear; but know that I shall
never leave you in peace if I do not have wings wherewith to
traverse the air.
(CINESIAS departs and an INFORMER arrives.)
INFORMER
What are these birds with downy feathers, who look so pitiable
to me? Tell me, oh swallow with the long dappled wings.
PITHETAERUS
Oh! it's a regular invasion that threatens us. Here comes
another one, humming along.
INFORMER
Swallow with the long dappled wings, once more I summon you.
PITHETAERUS
It's his cloak I believe he's addressing; it stands in great
need of the swallows' return.
INFORMER
Where is he who gives out wings to all comers?
PITHETAERUS
Here I am, but you must tell me for what purpose you want them.
INFORMER
Ask no questions. I want wings, and wings I must have.
PITHETAERUS
Do you want to fly straight to Pellene?
INFORMER
I? Why, I am an accuser of the islands, an informer...
PITHETAERUS
A fine trade, truly!
INFORMER
...a hatcher of lawsuits. Hence I have great need of wings to
prowl round the cities and drag them before justice.
PITHETAERUS
Would you do this better if you had wings?
INFORMER
No, but I should no longer fear the pirates; I should return
with the cranes, loaded with a supply of lawsuits by way of ballast.
PITHETAERUS
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So it seems, despite all your youthful vigour, you make it your
trade to denounce strangers?
INFORMER
Well, and why not? I don't know how to dig.
PITHETAERUS
But, by Zeus! there are honest ways of gaining a living at your
age without all this infamous trickery.
INFORMER
My friend, I am asking you for wings, not for words.
PITHETAERUS
It's just my words that gives you wings.
INFORMER
And how can you give a man wings with your words?
PITHETAERUS
They all start this way.
INFORMER
How?
PITHETAERUS
Have you not often heard the father say to young men in the
barbers' shops, "It's astonishing how Diitrephes' advice has made my
son fly to horseriding.""Mine," says another, "has flown towards
tragic poetry on the wings of his imagination."
INFORMER
So that words give wings?
PITHETAERUS
Undoubtedly; words give wings to the mind and make a man soar to
heaven. Thus I hope that my wise words will give you wings to fly to
some less degrading trade.
INFORMER
But I do not want to.
PITHETAERUS
What do you reckon on doing then?
INFORMER
I won't belie my breeding; from generation to generation we have
lived by informing. Quick, therefore, give me quickly some light,
swift hawk or kestrel wings, so that I may summon the islanders,
sustain the accusation here, and haste back there again on flying
pinions.
PITHETAERUS
I see. In this way the stranger will be condemned even before he
appears.
INFORMER
That's just it.
PITHETAERUS
And while he is on his way here by sea, you will be flying to
the islands to despoil him of his property.
INFORMER
You've hit it, precisely; I must whirl hither and thither like a
perfect hummingtop.
PITHETAERUS
I catch the idea. Wait, I've got some fine Corcyraean wings. How
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Page No 80
do you like them?
INFORMER
Oh! woe is me! Why, it's a whip!
PITHETAERUS
No, no; these are the wings, I tell you, that make the top spin.
INFORMER (as PITHETAERUS lashes him)
Oh! oh! oh!
PITHETAERUS
Take your flight, clear off, you miserable cur, or you will soon
see what comes of quibbling and lying. (The INFORMER flees. To his
slaves) Come, let us gather up our wings and withdraw.
(The baskets are taken away.)
CHORUS (singing)
In my ethereal flights I have seen many things new and strange and
wondrous beyond belief. There is a tree called Cleonymus belonging
to an unknown species; it has no heart, is good for nothing and is
as tall as it is cowardly. In springtime it shoots forth calumnies
instead of buds and in autumn it strews the ground with bucklers in
place of leaves.
Far away in the regions of darkness, where no ray of light ever
enters, there is a country, where men sit at the table of the heroes
and dwell with them alwaysexcept in the evening. Should any mortal
meet the hero Orestes at night, he would soon be stripped and
covered with blows from head to foot.
(PROMETHEUS enters, masked to conceal his identity.)
PROMETHEUS
Ah! by the gods! if only Zeus does not espy me! Where is
Pithetaerus?
PITHETAERUS
Ha! what is this? A masked man!
PROMETHEUS
Can you see any god behind me?
PITHETAERUS
No, none. But who are you, pray?
PROMETHEUS
What's the time, please?
PITHETAERUS
The time? Why, it's past noon. Who are you?
PROMETHEUS
Is it the fall of day? Is it no later than that?
PITHETAERUS
This is getting dull!
PROMETHEUS
What is Zeus doing? Is he dispersing the clouds or gathering them?
PITHETAERUS
Watch out for yourself!
PROMETHEUS
Come, I will raise my mask.
PITHETAERUS
Ah! my dear Prometheus!
PROMETHEUS
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Page No 81
Sh! Sh! speak lower!
PITHETAERUS
Why, what's the matter, Prometheus?
PROMETHEUS
Sh! sh! Don't call me by my name; you will be my ruin, if Zeus
should see me here. But, if you want me to tell you how things are
going in heaven, take this umbrella and shield me, so that the gods
don't see me.
PITHETAERUS
I can recognize Prometheus in this cunning trick. Come, quick
then, and fear nothing; speak on.
PROMETHEUS
Then listen.
PITHETAERUS
I am listening, proceed!
FROMETHEUS
Zeus is done for.
PITHETAERUS
Ah! and since when, pray?
PROMETHEUS
Since you founded this city in the air. There is not a man who now
sacrifices to the gods, the smoke of the victims no longer reaches us.
Not the smallest offering comes! We fast as though it were the
festivall of Demeter. The barbarian gods, who are dying of hunger, are
bawling like Illyrians and threaten to make an armed descent upon
Zeus, if he does not open markets where joints of the victims are
sold.
PITHETAERUS
What! there are other gods besides you, barbarian gods who dwell
above Olympus?
PROMETHEUS
If there were no barbarian gods, who would be the patron of
Execestides?
PITHETAERUS
And what is the name of these gods?
PROMETHEUS
Their name? Why, the Triballi.
PITHETAERUS
Ah, indeed! 'tis from that no doubt that we derive the word
'tribulation.'
PROMETHEUS
Most likely. But one thing I can tell you for certain, namely,
that Zeus and the celestial Triballi are going to send deputies here
to sue for peace. Now don't you treat with them, unless Zeus
restores the sceptre to the birds and gives you Basileia in marriage.
PITHETAERUS
Who is this Basileia?
PROMETHEUS
A very fine young damsel, who makes the lightning for Zeus; all
things come from her, wisdom, good laws, virtue, the fleet, calumnies,
the public paymaster and the triobolus.
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Page No 82
PITHETAERUS
Ah! then she is a sort of general manageress to the god.
PROMETHEUS
Yes, precisely. If he gives you her for your wife, yours will be
the almighty power. That is what I have come to tell you; for you know
my constant and habitual goodwill towards men.
PITHETAERUS
Oh, yes! it's thanks to you that we roast our meat.
PROMETHEUS
I hate the gods, as you know.
PITHETAERUS
Aye, by Zeus, you have always detested them.
PROMETHEUS
Towards them I am a veritable Timon; but I must return in all
haste, so give me the umbrella; if Zeus should see me from up there,
he would think I was escorting one of the Canephori.
PITHETAERUS
Wait, take this stool as well.
(PROMETHEUS leaves. PITHETAERUS goes into the thicket.)
CHORUS (singing)
Near by the land of the Sciapodes there is a marsh, from the
borders whereof the unwashed Socrates evokes the souls of men.
Pisander came one day to see his soul, which he had left there when
still alive. He offered a little victim, a camel, slit his throat and,
following the example of Odysseus, stepped one pace backwards. Then
that bat of a Chaerephon came up from hell to drink the camel's blood.
(POSIDON enters, accompanied by HERACLES and TRIBALLUS.)
POSIDON
This is the city of Nephelococcygia, to which we come as
ambassadors. (To TRIBALLUS) Hi! what are you up to? you are throwing
your cloak over the left shoulder. Come, fling it quick over the
right! And why, pray, does it draggle in this fashion? Have you ulcers
to hide like Laespodias? Oh! democracy! whither, oh! whither are you
leading us? Is it possible that the gods have chosen such an envoy?
You are undisturbed? Ugh! you cursed savage! you are by far the most
barbarous of all the gods.Tell me, Heracles, what are we going to do?
HERACLES
I have already told you that I want to strangle the fellow who
dared to wall us out.
POSIDON
But, my friend, we are envoys of peace.
HERACLES
All the more reason why I wish to strangle him.
(PITHETAERUS comes out of the thicket, followed by slaves, who are
carrying various kitchen utensils; one of them sets up a table
on which he places poultry dressed for roasting.)
PITHETAERUS
Hand me the cheesegrater; bring me the silphium for sauce; pass
me the cheese and watch the coals.
HERACLES
Mortal! we who greet you are three gods.
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Page No 83
PITHETAERUS
Wait a bit till I have prepared my silphium pickle.
HERACLES
What are these meats?
PITHETAERUS
These are birds that have been punished with death for attacking
the people's friends.
HERACLES
And you are going to season them before answering us?
PITHETAERUS (looking up from his work for the first time)
Ah! Heracles! welcome, welcome! What's the matter?
POSIDON
The gods have sent us here as ambassadors to treat for peace.
PITHETAERUS (ignoring this)
There's no more oil in the flask.
HERACLES
And yet the birds must be thoroughly basted with it.
POSIDON
We have no interest to serve in fighting you; as for you, be
friends and we promise that you shall always have rainwater in your
pools and the warmest of warm weather. So far as these points go we
are plenipotentiaries.
PITHETAERUS
We have never been the aggressors, and even now we are as well
disposed for peace as yourselves, provided you agree to one
equitable condition. namely, that Zeus yield his sceptre to the birds.
If only this is agreed to, I invite the ambassadors to dinner.
HERACLES
That's good enough for me. I vote for peace.
POSIDON
You wretch! you are nothing but a fool and a glutton. Do you
want to dethrone your own father?
PITHETAERUS
What an error. Why, the gods will be much more powerful if the
birds govern the earth. At present the mortals are hidden beneath
the clouds, escape your observation, and commit perjury in your
name; but if you had the birds for your allies, and a man, after
having sworn by the crow and Zeus, should fail to keep his oath, the
crow would dive down upon him unawares and pluck out his eye.
POSIDON
Well thought of, by Posidon!
HERACLES
My notion too.
PITHETAERUS (to TRIBALLUS)
And you, what's your opinion?
TRIBALLUS
Nabaisatreu.
PITHETAERUS
D'you see? he also approves. But listen, here is another thing
in which we can serve you. If a man vows to offer a sacrifice to
some god, and then procrastinates, pretending that the gods can
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Page No 84
wait, and thus does not keep his word, we shall punish his stinginess.
POSIDON
Ah! and how?
PITHETAERUS
While he is counting his money or is in the bath, a kite will
relieve him, before he knows it, either in coin or in clothes, of
the value of a couple of sheep, and carry it to the god.
HERACLES
I vote for restoring them the sceptre.
POSIDON
Ask Triballus.
HERACLES
Hi Triballus, do you want a thrashing?
TRIBALLUS
Sure, bashum head withum stick.
HERACLES
He says, "Right willingly."
POSIDON
If that be the opinion of both of you, why, I consent too.
HERACLES
Very well! we accord you the sceptre.
PITHETAERUS
Ah! I was nearly forgetting another condition. I will leave Here
to Zeus, but only if the young Basileia is given me in marriage.
POSIDON
Then you don't want peace. Let us withdraw.
PITHETAERUS
It matters mighty little to me. Cook, look to the gravy.
HERACLES
What an odd fellow this Posidon is! Where are you off to? Are we
going to war about a woman?
POSIDON
What else is there to do?
HERACLES
What else? Why, conclude peace.
POSIDON
Oh! you blockhead! do you always want to be fooled? Why, you are
seeking your own downfall. If Zeus were to die, after having yielded
them the sovereignty, you would be ruined, for you are the heir of all
the wealth he will leave behind.
PITHETAERUS
Oh! by the gods! how he is cajoling you. Step aside, that I may
have a word with you. Your uncle is getting the better of you, my poor
friend. The law will not allow you an obolus of the paternal property,
for you are a bastard and not a legitimate child.
HERACLES
I a bastard! What's that you tell me?
PITHETAERUS
Why, certainly; are you not born of a stranger woman? Besides,
is not Athene recognized as Zeus' sole heiress? And no daughter
would be that, if she had a legitimate brother.
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Page No 85
HERACLES
But what if my father wished to give me his property on his
deathbed, even though I be a bastard?
PITHETAERUS
The law forbids it, and this same Posidon would be the first to
lay claim to his wealth, in virtue of being his legitimate brother.
Listen; thus runs Solon's law: "A bastard shall not inherit, if
there are legitimate children; and if there are no legitimate
children, the property shall pass to the nearest kin."
HERACLES
And I get nothing whatever of the paternal property?
PITHETAERUS
Absolutely nothing. But tell me, has your father had you entered
on the registers of his phratry?
HERACLES
No, and I have long been surprised at the omission.
PITHETAERUS
Why do you shake your fist at heaven? Do you want to fight? Why,
be on my side, I will make you a king and will feed you on bird's milk
and honey.
HERACLES
Your further condition seems fair to me. I cede you the young
damsel.
POSIDON
But I, I vote against this opinion.
PITHETAERUS
Then it all depends on the Triballus. (To the TRIBALLUS) What do
you say?
TRIBALLUS
Givum bird pretty gel bigum queen.
HERACLES
He says give her.
POSIDON
Why no, he does not say anything of the sort, or else, like the
swallows he does not know how to walk.
PITHETAERUS
Exactly so. Does he not say she must be given to the swallows?
POSIDON (resignedly)
All right, you two arrange the matter; make peace, since you
wish it so; I'll hold my tongue.
HERACLES
We are of a mind to grant you all that you ask. But come up
there with us to receive Basileia and the celestial bounty.
PITHETAERUS
Here are birds already dressed, and very suitable for a nuptial
feast.
HERACLES
You go and, if you like, I will stay here to roast them.
PITHETAERUS
You to roast them? you are too much the glutton; come along with
us.
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Page No 86
HERACLES
Ah! how well I would have treated myself!
PITHETAERUS
Let some one bring me a beautiful and magnificent tunic for the
wedding.
(The tunic is brought. PITHETAERUS and the three gods depart.)
CHORUS (singing)
At Phanae, near the Clepsydra, there dwells a people who have
neither faith nor law, the Englottogastors, who reap, sow, pluck the
vines and the figs with their tongues; they belong to a barbaric race,
and among them the Philippi and the Gorgiases are to be found; 'tis
these Englottogastorian Philippi who introduced the custom all over
Attica of cutting out the tongue separately at sacrifices.
(A MESSENGER enters.)
MESSENGER (in tragic style)
Oh, you, whose unbounded happiness I cannot express in words,
thrice happy race of airy birds, receive your king in your fortunate
dwellings. More brilliant than the brightest star that illumes the
earth, he is approaching his glittering golden palace; the sun
itself does not shine with more dazzling glory. He is entering with
his bride at his side, whose beauty no human tongue can express; in
his hand he brandishes the lightning, the winged shaft of Zeus;
perfumes of unspeakable sweetness pervade the ethereal realms. 'Tis
a glorious spectacle to see the clouds of incense wafting in light
whirlwinds before the breath of the zephyr! But here he is himself.
Divine Muse! let thy sacred lips begin with songs of happy omen.
(PITHETAERUS enters, with a crown on his head; he is accompanied
by BASILEIA.)
CHORUS (singing)
Fall back! to the right! to the left! advance! Fly around this
happy mortal, whom Fortune loads with her blessings. Oh! oh! what
grace! what beauty! Oh, marriage so auspicious for our city! All
honour to this man! 'tis through him that the birds are called to such
glorious destinies. Let your nuptial hymns, your nuptial songs,
greet him and his Basileia! 'Twas in the midst of such festivities
that the Fates formerly united Olympian Here to the King who governs
the gods from the summit of his inaccessible throne. Oh! Hymen! oh!
Hymenaeus! Rosy Eros with the golden wings held the reins and guided
the chariot; 'twas he, who presided over the union of Zeus and the
fortunate Here. Oh! Hymen! oh! Hymenaeus!
PITHETAERUS
I am delighted with your songs, I applaud your verses. Now
celebrate the thunder that shakes the earth, the flaming lightning
of Zeus and the terrible flashing thunderbolt.
CHORUS (singing)
Oh, thou golden flash of the lightning! oh, ye divine shafts of
flame, that Zeus has hitherto shot forth! Oh, ye rolling thunders,
that bring down the rain! 'Tis by the order of our king that ye
shall now stagger the earth! Oh, Hymen! 'tis through thee that he
commands the universe and that he makes Basileia, whom he has robbed
from Zeus, take her seat at his side. Oh! Hymen! oh! Hymenaeus!
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Page No 87
PITHETAERUS (singing)
Let all the winged tribes of our fellowcitizens follow the bridal
couple to the palace of Zeus and to the nuptial couch! Stretch forth
your hands, my dear wife! Take hold of me by my wings and let us
dance; I am going to lift you up and carry you through the air.
(PITHETAERUS and BASILEIA leave dancing; the CHORUS follows
them.)
CHORUS (singing)
Alalai! Ie Paion! Tenilla kallinike! Loftiest art thou of gods!
THE END
THE CLOUDS
by Aristophanes
anonymous translator
CHARACTERS IN THE PLAY
STREPSIADES
PHIDIPPIDES
SERVANT OF STREPSIADES
DISCIPLES OF SOCRATES
SOCRATES
JUST DISCOURSE
UNJUST DISCOURSE
PASIAS, a Moneylender
AMYNIAS, another Moneylender
CHORUS OF CLOUDS
CLOUDS
(SCENE:In the background are two houses, that of Strepsiades and
that of Socrates, the Thoughtery. The latter is small and dingy;
the in, terior of the former is shown and two beds are seen, each
occupied.)
STREPSIADES (sitting up)
GREAT gods! will these nights never end? will daylight never come?
I heard the cock crow long ago and my slaves are snoring still! Ah! Ah!
It wasn't like this formerly. Curses on the war! has it not done
me ills enough? Now I may not even chastise my own slaves. Again
there's this brave lad, who never wakes the whole long night, but,
wrapped in his five coverlets, farts away to his heart's content.
(He lies down) Come! let me nestle in well and snore too, if it be
possible....oh! misery, it's vain to think of sleep with all these
expenses, this stable, these debts, which are devouring me, thanks
to this fine cavalier, who only knows how to look after his long
locks, to show himself off in his chariot and to dream of horses!
And I, I am nearly dead, when I see the moon bringing the third decade
in her train and my liability falling due....Slave! light the lamp and
bring me my tablets. (The slave obeys.) Who are all my creditors?
Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds
Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds 85
Page No 88
Let me see and reckon up the interest. What is it I owe?....Twelve
minae to Pasias....What! twelve minae to Pasias?....Why did I borrow
these? Ah! I know! It was to buy that thoroughbred, which cost me so
much. How I should have prized the stone that had blinded him!
PHIDIPPIDES (in his sleep)
That's not fair, Philo! Drive your chariot straight, I say.
STREPSIADES
This is what is destroying me. He raves about horses, even in
his sleep.
PHIDIPPIDES (still sleeping)
How many times round the track is the race for the chariots of
war?
STREPSIADES
It's your own father you are driving to death....to ruin. Come!
what debt comes next, after that of Pasias?....Three minae to
Amynias for a chariot and its two wheels.
PHIDIPPIDES (still asleep)
Give the horse a good roll in the dust and lead him home.
STREPSIADES
Ah! wretched boy! it's my money that you are making roll. My
creditors have distrained on my goods, and here are others again,
who demand security for their interest.
PHIDIPPIDES (awaking)
What is the matter with you, father, that you groan and turn about
the whole night through?
STREPSIADES
I have a bumbailiff in the bedclothes biting me.
PHIDIPPIDES
For pity's sake, let me have a little sleep. (He turns over.)
STREPSIADES
Very well, sleep on! but remember that all these debts will fall
back on your shoulders. Oh! curses on the gobetween who made me marry
your mother! I lived so happily in the country, a commonplace,
everyday life, but a good and easy onehad not a trouble, not a
care, was rich in bees, in sheep and in olives. Then indeed I had to
marry the niece of Megacles, the son of Megacles; I belonged to the
country, she was from the town; she was a haughty, extravagant
woman, a true Coesyra. On the nuptial day, when I lay beside her, I
was reeking of the dregs of the winecup, of cheese and of wool; she
was redolent with essences, saffron, voluptuous kisses, the love of
spending, of good cheer and of wanton delights. I will not say she did
nothing; no, she worked hard...to ruin me, and pretending all the
while merely to be showing her the cloak she had woven for me, I said,
"Wife you go too fast about your work, your threads are too closely
woven and you use far too much wool."
(A slave enters witk a lamp.)
SLAVE
There is no more oil in the lamp.
STREPSIADES
Why then did you light such a thirsty lamp? Come here, I am
going to beat you.
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Page No 89
SLAVE
What for?
STREPSIADES
Because you have put in too thick a wick....Later, when we had
this boy, what was to be his name? It was the cause of much
quarrelling with my loving wife. She insisted on having some reference
to a horse in his name, that he should be called Xanthippus, Charippus
or Callippides. I wanted to name him Phidonides after his grandfather.
We disputed long, and finally agreed to style him Phidippides....She
used to fondle and coax him, saying, "Oh! what a joy it will be to
me when you have grown up, to see you, like my father, Megacles,
clothed in purple and standing up straight in your chariot driving
your steeds toward the town." And I would say to him, "When, like your
father, you will go, dressed in a skin, to fetch back your goats
from Phelleus." Alas! he never listened to me and his madness for
horses has shattered my fortune. (He gets out of bed.) But by dint
of thinking the livelong night, I have discovered a road to salvation,
both miraculous and divine. If he will but follow it, I shall be out
of my trouble! First, however, he must be awakened, but it must be
done as gently as possible. How shall I manage it? Phidippides! my
little Phidippides!
PHIDIPPIDES (awaking again)
What is it, father?
STREPSIADES
Kiss me and give me your hand.
PHIDIPPIDES (getting up and doing as his father requests)
There! What's it all about?
STREPSIADES
Tell me! do you love me?
PHIDIPPIDES
By Posidon, the equestrian Posidon! yes, I swear I do.
STREPSIADES
Oh, do not, I pray you, invoke this god of horses; he is the one
who is the cause of all my cares. But if you really love me, and
with your whole heart, my boy, believe me.
PHIDIPPIDES
Believe you? about what?
STREPSIADES
Alter your habits forthwith and go and learn what I tell you.
PHIDIPPIDES
Say on, what are your orders?
STREPSIADES
Will you obey me ever so little?
PHIDIPPIDES
By Bacchus, I will obey you.
STREPSIADES
Very well then! Look this way. Do you see that little door and
that little house?
PHIDIPPIDES
Yes, father. But what are you driving at?
STREPSIADES
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Page No 90
That is the Thoughtery of wise souls. There they prove that we are
coals enclosed on all sides under a vast snuffer, which is the sky. If
well paid, these men also teach one how to gain lawsuits, whether
they be just or not.
PHIDIPPIDES
What do they call themselves?
STREPSIADES
I do not know exactly, but they are deep thinkers and most
admirable people.
PHIDIPPIDES
Bah! the wretches! I know them; you mean those quacks with pale
faces, those barefoot fellows, such as that miserable Socrates and
Chaerephon?
STREPSIADES
Silence! say nothing foolish! If you desire your father not to die
of hunger, join their company and let your horses go.
PHIDIPPIDES
No, by Bacchus! even though you gave me the pheasants that
Leogoras raises.
STREPSIADES
Oh! my beloved son, I beseech you, go and follow their teachings.
PHIDIPPIDES
And what is it I should learn?
STREPSIADES
It seems they have two courses of reasoning, the true and the
false, and that, thanks to the false, the worst lawsuits can be
gained. If then you learn this science, which is false, I shall not
have to pay an obolus of all the debts I have contracted on your
account.
PHIDIPPIDES
No, I will not do it. I should no longer dare to look at our gallant
horsemen, when I had so ruined my tan.
STREPSIADES
Well then, by Demeter! I will no longer support you, neither
you, nor your team, nor your saddlehorse. Go and hang yourself, I
turn you out of house and home.
PHIDIPPIDES
My uncle Megacles will not leave me without horses; I shall go
to him and laugh at your anger.
(He departs. STREPSIADES goes over to SOCRATES ' house.)
STREPSIADES
One rebuff shall not dishearten me. With the help of the gods I
will enter the Thoughtery and learn myself. (He hesitates.) But at
my age, memory has gone and the mind is slow to grasp things. How
can all these fine distinctions, these subtleties be learned?
(Making up his mind) Bah! why should I dally thus instead of rapping
at the door? Slave, slave!
(He knocks and calls.)
A DISCIPLE (from within)
A plague on you! Who are you?
STREPSIADES
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Page No 91
Strepsiades, the son of Phido, of the deme of Cicynna.
DISCIPLE (coming out of the door)
You are nothing but an ignorant and illiterate fellow to let fly
at the door with such kicks. You have brought on a miscarriageof an
idea!
STREPSIADES
Pardon me, please; for I live far away from here in the country.
But tell me, what was the idea that miscarried?
DISCIPLE
I may not tell it to any but a disciple.
STREPSIADES
Then tell me without fear, for I have come to study among you.
DISCIPLE
Very well then, but reflect, that these are mysteries. Lately, a
flea bit Chaerephon on the brow and then from there sprang on to the
head of Socrates. Socrates asked Chaerephon, "How many times the
length of its legs does a flea jump?"
STREPSIADES
And how ever did he go about measuring it?
DISCIPLE
Oh! it was most ingenious! He melted some wax, seized the flea and
dipped its two feet in the wax, which, when cooled, left them shod
with true Persian slippers. These he took off and with them measured
the distance.
STREPSIADES
Ah! great Zeus! what a brain! what subtlety!
DISCIPLE
I wonder what then would you say, if you knew another of Socrates'
contrivances?
STREPSIADES
What is it? Pray tell me.
DISCIPLE
Chaerephon of the deme of Sphettia asked him whether he thought
a gnat buzzed through its proboscis or through its anus.
STREPSIADES
And what did he say about the gnat?
DISCIPLE
He said that the gut of the gnat was narrow, and that, in
passing through this tiny passage, the air is driven with force
towards the breech; then after this slender channel, it encountered
the rump, which was distended like a trumpet, and there it resounded
sonorously.
STREPSIADES
So the arse of a gnat is a trumpet. Oh! what a splendid
arsevation! Thrice happy Socrates! It would not be difficult to
succeed in a lawsuit, knowing so much about a gnat's guts!
DISCIPLE
Not long ago a lizard caused him the loss of a sublime thought.
STREPSIADES
In what way, please?
DISCIPLE
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Page No 92
One night, when he was studying the course of the moon and its
revolutions and was gazing openmouthed at the heavens, a lizard
crapped upon him from the top of the roof.
STREPSIADES
A lizard crapping on Socrates! That's rich!
DISCIPLE
Last night we had nothing to eat.
STREPSIADES
Well, what did he contrive, to secure you some supper?
DISCIPLE
He spread over the table a light layer of cinders, bending an iron
rod the while; then he took up a pair of compasses and at the same
moment unhooked a piece of the victim which was hanging in the
palaestra. STREPSIADES
And we still dare to admire Thales! Open, open this home of
knowledge to me quickly! Haste, haste to show me Socrates; I long to
become his disciple. But do please open the door. (The door opens,
revealing the interior of the Thoughtery, in which the DISCIPLES OF
SOCRATES are seen in various postures of meditation and study; they
are pale and emaciated creatures.) Ah! by Heracles! what country are
those animals from?
DISCIPLE
Why, what are you astonished at? What do you think they resemble?
STREPSIADES
The captives of Pylos. But why do they look so fixedly on the
ground?
DISCIPLE
They are seeking for what is below the ground.
STREPSIADES
Ah! they're looking for onions. Do not give yourselves so much
trouble; I know where there are some, fine big ones. But what are
those fellows doing, bent all double?
DISCIPLE
They are sounding the abysses of Tartarus.
STREPSIADES
And what are their arses looking at in the heavens?
DISCIPLE
They are studying astronomy on their own account. But come in so
that the master may not find us here.
STREPSIADES
Not yet; not yet; let them not change their position. I want to
tell them my own little matter.
DISCIPLE
But they may not stay too long in the open air and away from
school.
STREPSIADES (pointing to a celestial globe)
In the name of all the gods, what is that? Tell me.
DISCIPLE
That is astronomy.
STREPSIADES (pointing to a map)
And that?
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Page No 93
DISCIPLE
Geometry.
STREPSIADES
What is that used for?
DISCIPLE
To measure the land.
STREPSIADES
But that is apportioned by lot.
DISCIPLE
No, no, I mean the entire earth.
STREPSIADES
Ah! what a funny thing! How generally useful indeed is this
invention!
DISCIPLE
There is the whole surface of the earth. Look! Here is Athens.
STREPSIADES
Athens! you are mistaken; I see no courts in session.
DISCIPLE
Nevertheless it is really and truly the Attic territory.
STREPSIADES
And where are my neighbours of Cicynna?
DISCIPLE
They live here. This is Euboea; you see this island, that is so
long and narrow.
STREPSIADES
I know. Because we and Pericles have stretched it by dint of
squeezing it. And where is Lacedaemon?
DISCIPLE
Lacedaemon? Why, here it is, look.
STREPSIADES
How near it is to us! Think it well over, it must be removed to
a greater distance.
DISCIPLE
But, by Zeus, that is not possible.
STREPSIADES
Then, woe to you! and who is this man suspended up in a basket?
DISCIPLE
That's himself.
STREPSIADES
Who's himself?
DISCIPLE
Socrates.
STREPSIADES
Socrates! Oh! I pray you, call him right loudly for me.
DISCIPLE
Call him yourself; I have no time to waste. (He departs. The
machine swings in SOCRATES in a basket.)
STREPSIADES
Socrates! my little Socrates!
SOCRATES (loftily)
Mortal, what do you want with me?
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Page No 94
STREPSIADES
First, what are you doing up there? Tell me, I beseech you.
SOCRATES (POMPOUSLY)
I am traversing the air and contemplating the sun.
STREPSIADES
Thus it's not on the solid ground, but from the height of this
basket, that you slight the gods, if indeed....
SOCRATES
I have to suspend my brain and mingle the subtle essence of my
mind with this air, which is of the like nature, in order clearly to
penetrate the things of heaven. I should have discovered nothing,
had I remained on the ground to consider from below the things that
are above; for the earth by its force attracts the sap of the mind
to itself. It's just the same with the watercress.
STREPSIADES
What? Does the mind attract the sap of the watercress? Ah! my dear
little Socrates, come down to me! I have come to ask you for lessons.
SOCRATES (descending)
And for what lessons?
STREPSIADES
I want to learn how to speak. I have borrowed money, and my
merciles creditors do not leave me a moment's peace; all my goods
are at stake.
SOCRATES
And how was it you did not see that you were getting so much
into debt?
STREPSIADES
My ruin has been the madness for horses, a most rapacious evil;
but teach me one of your two methods of reasoning, the one whose
object is not to repay anything, and, may the gods bear witness,
that I am ready to pay any fee you may name.
SOCRATES
By which gods will you swear? To begin with, the gods are not a
coin current with us.
STREPSIADES
But what do you swear by then? By the iron money of Byzantium?
SOCRATES
Do you really wish to know the truth of celestial matters?
STREPSIADES
Why, yes, if it's possible.
SOCRATES
....and to converse with the clouds, who are our genii?
STREPSIADES
Without a doubt.
SOCRATES
Then be seated on this sacred couch.
STREPSIADES (sitting down)
I am seated.
SOCRATES
Now take this chaplet.
STREPSIADES
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Page No 95
Why a chaplet? Alas! Socrates, would you sacrifice me, like
Athamas?
SOCRATES
No, these are the rites of initiation.
STREPSIADES
And what is it I am to gain?
SOCRATES
You will become a thorough rattlepate, a hardened old stager, the
fine flour of the talkers....But come, keep quiet.
STREPSIADES
By Zeus! That's no lie! Soon I shall be nothing but wheatflour,
if you powder me in that fashion.
SOCRATES
Silence, old man, give heed to the prayers. (In an hierophantic
tone) Oh! most mighty king, the boundless air, that keepest the
earth suspended in space, thou bright Aether and ye venerable
goddesses, the Clouds, who carry in your loins the thunder and the
lightning, arise, ye sovereign powers and manifest yourselves in the
celestial spheres to the eyes of your sage.
STREPSIADES
Not yet! Wait a bit, till I fold my mantle double, so as not to
get wet. And to think that I did not even bring my travelling cap!
What a misfortune!
SOCRATES (ignoring this)
Come, oh! Clouds, whom I adore, come and show yourselves to this
man, whether you be resting on the sacred summits of Olympus,
crowned with hoarfrost, or tarrying in the gardens of Ocean, your
father, forming sacred choruses with the Nymphs; whether you be
gathering the waves of the Nile in golden vases or dwelling in the
Maeotic marsh or on the snowy rocks of Mimas, hearken to my prayer and
accept my offering. May these sacrifices be pleasing to you.
(Amidst rumblings of thunder the CHORUS OF CLOUDS appears.)
CHORUS (singing)
Eternal Clouds, let us appear; let us arise from the roaring
depths of Ocean, our father; let us fly towards the lofty mountains,
spread our damp wings over their forestladen summits, whence we
will dominate the distant valleys, the harvest fed by the sacred
earth, the murmur of the divine streams and the resounding waves of
the sea, which the unwearying orb lights up with its glittering beams.
But let us shake off the rainy fogs, which hide our immortal beauty
and sweep the earth from afar with our gaze.
SOCRATES
Oh, venerated goddesses, yes, you are answering my call! (To
STREPSIADES.) Did you hear their voices mingling with the awful
growling of the thunder?
STREPSIADES
Oh! adorable Clouds, I revere you and I too am going to let off my
thunder, so greatly has your own affrighted me. (He farts.) Faith!
whether permitted or not, I must, I must crap!
SOCRATES
No scoffing; do not copy those damned comic poets. Come,
Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds
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Page No 96
silence! a numerous host of goddesses approaches with songs.
CHORUS (singing)
Virgins, who pour forth the rains, let us move toward Attica,
the rich country of Pallas, the home of the brave; let us visit the
dear land of Cecrops, where the secret rites are celebrated, where the
mysterious sanctuary flies open to the initiate.... What victims are
offered there to the deities of heaven! What glorious temples! What
statues! What holy prayers to the rulers of Olympus! At every season
nothing but sacred festivals, garlanded victims, is to be seen. Then
Spring brings round again the joyous feasts of Dionysus, the
harmonious contests of the choruses and the serious melodies of the
flute.
STREPSIADES
By Zeus! Tell me, Socrates, I pray you, who are these women, whose
language is so solemn; can they be demigoddesses?
SOCRATES
Not at all. They are the Clouds of heaven, great goddesses for the
lazy; to them we owe all, thoughts, speeches, trickery, roguery,
boasting, lies, sagacity.
STREPSIADES
Ah! that was why, as I listened to them, my mind spread out its
wings; it burns to babble about trifles, to maintain worthless
arguments, to voice its petty reasons, to contradict, to tease some
opponent. But are they not going to show themselves? I should like
to see them, were it possible.
SOCRATES
Well, look this way in the direction of Parnes; I already see
those who are slowly descending.
STREPSIADES
But where, where? Show them to me.
SOCRATES
They are advancing in a throng, following an oblique path across
the dales and thickets.
STREPSIADES
Strange! I can see nothing.
SOCRATES
There, close to the entrance.
STREPSIADES
Hardly, if at all, can I distinguish them.
SOCRATES
You must see them clearly now, unless your eyes are filled with
gum as thick as pumpkins.
STREPSIADES
Aye, undoubtedly! Oh! the venerable goddesses! Why, they fill up
the entire stage.
SOCRATES
And you did not know, you never suspected, that they were
goddesses?
STREPSIADES
No, indeed; I thought the Clouds were only fog, dew and vapour.
SOCRATES
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Page No 97
But what you certainly do not know is that they are the support of
a crowd of quacks, the diviners, who were sent to Thurium, the
notorious physicians, the wellcombed fops, who load their fingers
with rings down to the nails, and the braggarts, who write dithyrambic
verses, all these are idlers whom the Clouds provide a living for,
because they sing them in their verses.
STREPSIADES
It is then for this that they praise "the rapid flight of the
moist clouds, which veil the brightness of day" and "the waving
locks of the hundredheaded Typho" and "the impetuous tempests,
which float through the heavens, like birds of prey with aerial
wings loaded with mists" and "the rains, the dew, which the clouds
outpour." As a reward for these fine phrases they bolt wellgrown,
tasty mullet and delicate thrushes.
SOCRATES
Yes, thanks to these. And is it not right and meet?
STREPSIADES
Tell me then why, if these really are the Clouds, they so very
much resemble mortals. This is not their usual form.
SOCRATES
What are they like then?
STREPSIADES
I don't know exactly; well, they are like great packs of wool, but
not like womenno, not in the least....And these have noses.
SOCRATES
Answer my questions.
STREPSIADES
Willingly! Go on, I am listening.
SOCRATES
Have you not sometimes seen clouds in the sky like a centaur, a
leopard, a wolf or a bull?
STREPSIADES
Why, certainly I have, but what of that?
SOCRATES
They take what metamorphosis they like. If they see a debauchee
with long flowing locks and hairy as a beast, like the son of
Xenophantes, they take the form of a Centaur in derision of his
shameful passion.
STREPSIADES
And when they see Simon, that thiever of public money, what do
they do then?
SOCRATES
To picture him to the life, they turn at once into wolves.
STREPSIADES
So that was why yesterday, when they saw Cleonymus, who cast
away his buckler because he is the veriest poltroon amongst men,
they changed into deer.
SOCRATES
And today they have seen Clisthenes; you see....they are women
STREPSIADES
Hail, sovereign goddesses, and if ever you have let your celestial
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Page No 98
voice be heard by mortal ears, speak to me, oh! speak to me, ye
allpowerful queens.
CHORUSLEADER
Hail! veteran of the ancient times, you who burn to instruct
yourself in fine language. And you, great highpriest of subtle
nonsense, tell us; your desire. To you and Prodicus alone of all the
hollow orationers of today have we lent an earto Prodicus, because
of his knowledge and his great wisdom, and to you, because you walk
with head erect, a confident look, barefooted, resigned to
everything and proud of our protection.
STREPSIADES
Oh! Earth! What august utterances! how sacred! how wondrous!
SOCRATES
That is because these are the only goddesses; all the rest are
pure myth.
STREPSIADES
But by the Earth! is our father, Zeus, the Olympian, not a god?
SOCRATES
Zeus! what Zeus! Are you mad? There is no Zeus.
STREPSIADES
What are you saying now? Who causes the rain to fall? Answer me
that!
SOCRATES
Why, these, and I will prove it. Have you ever seen it raining
without clouds? Let Zeus then cause rain with a clear sky and
without their presence!
STREPSIADES
By Apollo! that is powerfully argued! For my own part, I always
thought it was Zeus pissing into a sieve. But tell me, who is it makes
the thunder, which I so much dread?
SOCRATES
These, when they roll one over the other.
STREPSIADES
But how can that be? you most daring among men!
SOCRATES
Being full of water, and forced to move along, they are of
necessity precipitated in rain, being fully distended with moisture
from the regions where they have been floating; hence they bump each
other heavily and burst with great noise.
STREPSIADES
But is it not Zeus who forces them to move?
SOCRATES
Not at all; it's the aerial Whirlwind.
STREPSIADES
The Whirlwind! ah! I did not know that. So Zeus, it seems, has
no existence, and its the Whirlwind that reigns in his stead? But
you have not yet told me what makes the roll of the thunder?
SOCRATES
Have you not understood me then? I tell you, that the Clouds, when
full of rain, bump against one another, and that, being inordinately
swollen out, they burst with a great noise.
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Page No 99
STREPSIADES
How can you make me credit that?
SOCRATES
Take yourself as an example. When you have heartily gorged on stew
at the Panathenaea, you get throes of stomachache and then suddenly
your belly resounds with prolonged rumbling.
STREPSIADES
Yes, yes, by Apollo I suffer, I get colic, then the stew sets to
rumbling like thunder and finally bursts forth with a terrific
noise. At first, it's but a little gurgling pappax, pappax! then it
increases, papapappax! and when I take my crap, why, it's thunder
indeed, papapappax! pappax!! papapappax!!! just like the clouds.
SOCRATES
Well then, reflect what a noise is produced by your belly, which
is but small. Shall not the air, which is boundless, produce these
mighty claps of thunder?
STREPSIADES
And this is why the names are so much alike: crap and clap. But
tell me this. Whence comes the lightning, the dazzling flame, which at
times consumes the man it strikes, at others hardly singes him. Is
it not plain, that Zeus is hurling it at the perjurers?
SOCRATES
Out upon the fool! the driveller! he still savours of the golden
age! If Zeus strikes at the perjurers, why has he not blasted Simon,
Cleonymus and Theorus? Of a surety, greater perjurers cannot exist.
No, he strikes his own temple, and Sunium, the promontory of Athens,
and the towering oaks. Now, why should he do that? An oak is no
perjurer.
STREPSIADES
I cannot tell, but it seems to me well argued. What is the
lightning then?
SOCRATES
When a dry wind ascends to the Clouds and gets shut into them,
it blows them out like a bladder; finally, being too confined, it
bursts them, escapes with fierce violence and a roar to flash into
flame by reason of its own impetuosity.
STREPSIADES
Ah, that's just what happened to me one day. It was at the feast
of Zeus! I was cooking a sow's belly for my family and I had forgotten
to slit it open. It swelled out and, suddenly bursting, discharged
itself right into my eyes and burnt my face.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Oh, mortal, you who desire to instruct yourself in our great
wisdom, the Athenians, the Greeks will envy you your good fortune.
Only you must have the memory and ardour for study, you must know
how to stand the tests, hold your own, go forward without feeling
fatigue, caring but little for food, abstaining from wine, gymnastic
exercises and other similar follies, in fact, you must believe as
every man of intellect should, that the greatest of all blessings is
to live and think more clearly than the vulgar herd, to shine in the
contests of words.
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STREPSIADES
If it be a question of hardiness for labour, of spending whole
nights at work, of living sparingly, of fighting my stomach and only
eating chickpease, rest assured, I am as hard as an anvil.
SOCRATES
Henceforward, following our example, you will recognize no other
gods but Chaos, the Clouds and the Tongue, these three alone.
STREPSIADES
I would not speak to the others, even if I met them in the street;
not a single sacrifice, not a libation, not a grain of incense for
them!
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Tell us boldly then what you want of us; you cannot fail to
succeed. If you honour and revere us and if you are resolved to become
a clever man.
STREPSIADES
Oh, sovereign goddesses, it is only a very small favour that I ask
of you; grant that I may outdistance all the Greeks by a hundred
stadia in the art of speaking.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
We grant you this, and henceforward no eloquence shall more
often succeed with the people than your own.
STREPSIADES
May the gods shield me from possessing great eloquence! That's not
what I want. I want to be able to turn bad lawsuits to my own
advantage and to slip through the fingers of my creditors.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
It shall be as you wish, for your ambitions are modest. Commit
yourself fearlessly to our ministers, the sophists.
STREPSIADES
This I will do, for I trust in you. Moreover there is no drawing
back, what with these cursed horses and this marriage, which has eaten
up my vitals. (More and more volubly from here to the end of speeck)
So let them do with me as they will; I yield my body to them. Come
blows, come hunger, thirst, heat or cold, little matters it to me;
they may flay me, if I only escape my debts, if only I win the
reputation of being a bold rascal, a fine speaker, impudent,
shameless, a braggart, and adept at stringing lies, an old stager at
quibbles, a complete table of laws, a thorough rattle, a fox to slip
through any hole; supple as a leathern strap, slippery as an eel, an
artful fellow, a blusterer, a villain; a knave with a hundred faces,
cunning, intolerable, a gluttonous dog. With such epithets do I seek
to be greeted; on these terms they can treat me as they choose, and,
if they wish, by Demeter! they can turn me into sausages and serve
me up to the philosophers.
CHORUS (singing)
Here have we a bold and welldisposed pupil indeed. When we have
taught you, your glory among the mortals will reach even to the skies.
STREPSIADES (singing)
Wherein will that profit me?
CHORUS (singing)
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You will pass your whole life among us and will be the most envied
of men.
STREPSIADES (singing)
Shall I really ever see such happiness?
CHORUS (singing)
Clients will be everlastingly besieging your door in crowds,
burning to get at you, to explain their business to you and to consult
you about their suits, which, in return for your ability, will bring
you in great sums.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
But, Socrates, begin the lessons you want to teach this old man;
rouse his mind, try the strength of his intelligence.
SOCRATES
Come, tell me the kind of mind you have; it's important that I
know this, that I may order my batteries against you in the right
fashion.
STREPSIADES
Eh, what! in the name of the gods, are you purposing to assault me
then?
SOCRATES
No. I only wish to ask you some questions. Have you any memory?
STREPSIADES
That depends: if anything is owed me, my memory is excellent,
but if I owe, alas! I have none whatever.
SOCRATES
Have you a natural gift for speaking?
STREPSIADES
For speaking, no; for cheating, yes.
SOCRATES
How will you be able to learn then?
STREPSIADES
Very easily, have no fear.
SOCRATES
Thus, when I throw forth some philosophical thought anent things
celestial., you will seize it in its very flight?
STREPSIADES
Then I am to snap up wisdom much as a dog snaps up a morsel?
SOCRATES (aside)
Oh! the ignoramus! the barbarian! (to STREPSIADES) I greatly fear,
old man, it will be necessary for me to have recourse to blows. Now,
let me hear what you do when you are beaten.
STREPSIADES
I receive the blow, then wait a moment, take my witnesses and
finally summon my assailant at law.
SOCRATES
Come, take off your cloak.
STREPSIADES
Have I robbed you of anything?
SOCRATES
No. but the usual thing is to enter the school without your cloak.
STREPSIADES
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But I have not come here to look for stolen goods.
SOCRATES
Off with it, fool!
STREPSIADES (He obeys.)
Tell me, if I prove thoroughly attentive and learn with zeal,
which O; your disciples shall I resemble, do you think?
SOCRATES
You will be the image of Chaerephon.
STREPSIADES
Ah! unhappy me! Shall I then be only half alive?
SOCRATES
A truce to this chatter! follow me and no more of it.
STREPSIADES
First give me a honeycake, for to descend down there sets me
all atremble; it looks like the cave of Trophonius.
SOCRATES
But get in with you! What reason have you for thus dallying at the
door?
(They go into the Thoughtery.)
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Good luck! you have courage; may you succeed, you, who, though
already so advanced in years, wish to instruct your mind with new
studies and practise it in wisdom! (The CHORUS turns and faces the
Audience.) Spectators! By Bacchus, whose servant I am, I will
frankly tell you the truth. May I secure both victory and renown as
certainly as I hold you for adept critics and as I regard this
comedy as my best. I wished to give you the first view of a work,
which had cost me much trouble, but which I withdrew, unjustly
beaten by unskilful rivals. It is you, oh, enlightened public, for
whom I have prepared my piece, that I reproach with this. Nevertheless
I shall never willingly cease to seek the approval of the
discerning. I have not forgotten the day, when men, whom one is
happy to have for an audience, received my Virtuous Young Man and my
Paederast with so much favour in this very place. Then as yet
virgin, my Muse had not attained the age for maternity; she had to
expose her firstborn for another to adopt, and it has since grown
up under your generous patronage. Ever since you have as good as sworn
me your faithful alliance. Thus, like the Electra of the poets, my
comedy has come to seek you today, hoping again to encounter such
enlightened spectators. As far away as she can discern her Orestes,
she will be able to recognize him by his curly head. And note her
modest demeanour! She has not sewn on a piece of hanging leather,
thick and reddened at the end, to cause laughter among the children;
she does not rail at the bald, neither does she dance the cordax; no
old man is seen, who, while uttering his lines, batters his questioner
with a stick to make his poor jests pass muster. She does not rush
upon the scene carrying a torch and screaming, 'Iou! Iou!' No, she
relies upon herself and her verses....My value is so well known,
that I take no further pride in it. I do not seek to deceive you, by
reproducing the same subjects two or three times; I always invent
fresh themes to present before you, themes that have no relation to
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each other and that are all clever. I attacked Cleon to his face and
when he was allpowerful; but he has fallen, and now I have no
desire to kick him when he is down. My rivals, on the contrary, now
that this wretched Hyperbolus has given them the cue, have never
ceased setting upon both him and his mother. First Eupolis presented
his 'Maricas'; this was simply my 'Knights,' whom this plagiarist
had clumsily furbished up again by adding to the piece an old
drunken woman, so that she might dance the cordax. It was an old idea,
taken from Phrynichus, who caused his old hag to be devoured by a
monster of the deep. Then Hermippus fell foul of Hyperbolus and now
all the others fall upon him and repeat my comparison of the eels. May
those who find amusement in their pieces not be pleased with mine, but
as for you, who love and applaud my inventions, why, posterity will
praise your good taste.
FIRST SEMICHORUS (singing)
Oh, ruler of Olympus, allpowerful king of the gods, great Zeus,
it is thou whom I first invoke; protect this chorus; and thou too,
Posidon, whose dread trident upheaves at the will of thy anger both
the bowels of the earth and the salty waves of the ocean. I invoke
my illustrious father, the divine Aether, the universal sustainer of
life, and Phoebus, who, from the summit of his chariot, sets the world
aflame with his dazzling rays, Phoebus, a mighty deity amongst the
gods and adored amongst mortals.
LEADER OF FIRST SEMICHORUS
Most wise spectators, lend us all your attention. Give heed to our
just reproaches. There exist no gods to whom this city owes more
than it does to us, whom alone you forget. Not a sacrifice, not a
libation is there for those who protect you! Have you decreed some mad
expedition? Well! we thunder or we fall down in rain. When you chose
that enemy of heaven, the Paphlagonian tanner, for a general, we
knitted our brow, we caused our wrath to break out; the lightning shot
forth, the thunder pealed, the moon deserted her course and the sun at
once veiled his beam threatening, no longer to give you light, if
Cleon became general. Nevertheless you elected him; it is said, Athens
never resolves upon some fatal step but the gods turn these errors
into her greatest gain. Do you wish that his election should even
now be a success for you? It is a very simple thing to do; condemn
this rapacious gull named Cleon for bribery and extortion, fit a
wooden collar tight round his neck, and your error will be rectified
and the commonweal will at once regain its old prosperity.
SECOND SEMICHORUS (singing)
Aid me also, Phoebus, god of Delos, who reignest on the cragged
peaks of Cynthia; and thou, happy virgin, to whom the Lydian damsels
offer pompous sacrifice in a temple; of gold; and thou, goddess of our
country, Athene, armed with the aegis, the protectress of Athens;
and thou, who, surrounded by the bacchants of Delphi; roamest over the
rocks of Parnassus shaking the flame of thy resinous torch, thou,
Bacchus, the god of revel and joy.
LEADER OF SECOND SEMICHORUS
As we were preparing to come here, we were hailed by the Moon
and were charged to wish joy and happiness both to the Athenians and
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to their allies; further, she said that she was enraged and that you
treated her very shamefully, her, who does not pay you in words alone,
but who renders you all real benefits. Firstly, thanks to her, you
save at least a drachma each month for lights, for each, as he is
leaving home at night, says, "Slave, buy no torches, for the moonlight
is beautiful,"not to name a thousand other benefits. Nevertheless you
do not reckon the days correctly and your calendar is naught but
confusion. Consequently the gods load her with threats each time
they get home and are disappointed of their meal, because the festival
has not been kept in the regular order of time. When you should be
sacrificing, you are putting to the torture or administering
justice. And often, we others, the gods, are fasting in token of
mourning for the death of Memnon or Sarpedon, while you are devoting
yourselves to joyous libations. It is for this, that last year, when
the lot would have invested Hyperbolus with the duty of Amphictyon, we
took his crown from him, to teach him that time must be divided
according to the phases of the moon.
SOCRATES (coming out)
By Respiration, the Breath of Life! By Chaos! By the Air! I have
never seen a man so gross, so inept, so stupid, so forgetful. All
the little quibbles, which I teach him, he forgets even before he
has learnt them. Yet I will not give it up, I will make him come out
here into the open air. Where are you, Strepsiades? Come, bring your
couch out here.
STREPSIADES (from within)
But the bugs will not allow me to bring it.
SOCRATES
Have done with such nonsense! place it there and pay attention.
STREPSIADES (coming out, with the bed)
Well, here I am.
SOCRATES
Good! Which science of all those you have never been taught, do
you wish to learn first? The measures, the rhythms or the verses?
STREPSIADES
Why, the measures; the flour dealer cheated me out of two
choenixes the other day.
SOCRATES
It's not about that I ask you, but which, according to you, is the
best measure, the trimeter or the tetrameter?
STREPSIADES
The one I prefer is the semisextarius.
SOCRATES
You talk nonsense, my good fellow.
STREPSIADES
I will wager your tetrameter is the semisextarius.
SOCRATES
Plague seize the dunce and the fool! Come, perchance you will
learn the rhythms quicker.
STREPSIADES
Will the rhythms supply me with food?
SOCRATES
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Page No 105
First they will help you to be pleasant in company, then to know
what is meant by enhoplian rhythm and what by the dactylic.
STREPSIADES
Of the dactyl? I know that quite well.
SOCRATES
What is it then, other than this finger here?
STREPSIADES
Formerly, when a child, I used this one.
SOCRATES
You are as lowminded as you are stupid.
STREPSIADES
But, wretched man, I do not want to learn all this.
SOCRATES
Then what do you want to know?
STREPSIADES
Not that, not that, but the art of false reasoning.
SOCRATES
But you must first learn other things. Come, what are the male
quadrupeds?
STREPSIADES
Oh! I know the males thoroughly. Do you take me for a fool then?
The ram, the buck, the bull, the dog, the pigeon.
SOCRATES
Do you see what you are doing; is not the female pigeon called the
same as the male?
STREPSIADES
How else? Come now!
SOCRATES
How else? With you then it's pigeon and pigeon!
STREPSIADES
That's right, by Posidon! but what names do you want me to give
them?
SOCRATES
Term the female pigeonnette and the male pigeon.
STREPSIADES
Pigeonnette! hah! by the Air! That's splendid! for that lesson
bring out your kneadingtrough and I will fill him with flour to the
brim.
SOCRATES
There you are wrong again; you make trough masculine and it should
be feminine.
STREPSIADES
What? if I say, him, do I make the trough masculine?
SOCRATES
Assuredly! would you not say him for Cleonymus?
STREPSIADES
Well?
SOCRATES
Then trough is of the same gender as Cleonymus?
STREPSIADES
My good man! Cleonymus never had a kneadingtrough; he used a
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round mortar for the purpose. But come, tell me what I should say!
SOCRATES
For trough you should say her as you would for Soctrate.
STREPSIADES
Her?
SOCRATES
In this manner you make it truly female.
STREPSIADES
That's it! Her for trough and her for Cleonymus.
SOCRATE,"
Now I must teach you to distinguish the masculine proper names
from those that are feminine.
STREPSIADES
Ah! I know the female names well.
SOCRATES
Name some then.
STREPSIADES
Lysilla, Philinna, Clitagora, Demetria.
SOCRATES
And what are masculine names?
STREPSIADES
They are are countlessPhiloxenus, Melesias, Amynias.
SOCRATES
But, wretched man, the last two are not masculine.
STREPSIADES
You do not count them as masculine?
SOCRATES
Not at all. If you met Amynias, how would you hail him?
STREPSIADES
How? Why, I should shout, "Hi, there, Amynia!
SOCRATES
Do you see? it's a female name that you give him.
STREPSIADES
And is it not rightly done, since he refuses military service? But
what use is there in learning what we all know?
SOCRATES
You know nothing about it. Come, lie down there.
STREPSIADES
What for?
SOCRATES
Ponder awhile over matters that interest you.
STREPSIADES
Oh! I pray you, not there but, if I must lie down and ponder,
let me lie on the ground.
SOCRATES
That's out of the question. Come! on the couch!
STREPSIADES (as he lies down)
What cruel fate! What a torture the bugs will this day put me to!
(Socrates turns aside.)
CHORUS (singing)
Ponder and examine closely, gather your thoughts together, let
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your mind turn to every side of things; if you meet with a difficulty,
spring quickly to some other idea; above all, keep your eyes away from
all gentle sleep.
STREPSIADES (singing)
Ow, Wow, Wow, Wow is me!
CHORUS (singing)
What ails you? why do you cry so?
STREPSIADES
Oh! I am a dead man! Here are these cursed Corinthians advancing
upon me from all corners of the couch; they are biting me, they are
gnawing at my sides, they are drinking all my blood, they are
yanking of my balls, they are digging into my arse, they are killing
me!
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Not so much wailing and clamour, if you please.
STREPSIADES
How can I obey? I have lost my money and my complexion, my blood
and my slippers, and to cap my misery, I must keep awake on this
couch, when scarce a breath of life is left in me.
(A brief interval of silence ensues.)
SOCRATES
Well now! what are you doing? are you reflecting?
STREPSIADES
Yes, by Posidon!
SOCRATES
What about?
STREPSIADES
Whether the bugs will entirely devour me.
SOCRATES
May death seize you, accursed man!
(He turns aside again.)
STREPSIADES
Ah it has already.
SOCRATES
Come, no giving way! Cover up your head; the thing to do is to
find an ingenious alternative.
STREPSIADES
An alternative! ah! I only wish one would come to me from within
these coverlets!
(Another interval of silence ensues.)
SOCRATES
Wait! let us see what our fellow is doing! Ho! are you asleep?
STREPSIADES
No, by Apollo!
SOCRATES
Have you got hold of anything?
STREPSIADES
No, nothing whatever.
SOCRATES
Nothing at all?
STREPSIADES
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No, nothing except my tool, which I've got in my hand.
SOCRATES
Aren't you going to cover your head immediately and ponder?
STREPSIADES
On what? Come, Socrates, tell me.
SOCRATES
Think first what you want, and then tell me.
STREPSIADES
But I have told you a thousand times what I want. Not to pay any
of my creditors.
SOCRATES
Come, wrap yourself up; concentrate your mind, which wanders to
lightly; study every detail, scheme and examine thoroughly.
STREPSIADES
Alas! Alas!
SOCRATES
Keep still, and if any notion troubles you, put it quickly
aside, then resume it and think over it again.
STREPSIADES
My dear little Socrates!
SOCRATES
What is it, old greybeard?
STREPSIADES
I have a scheme for not paying my debts.
SOCRATES
Let us hear it.
STREPSIADES
Tell me, if I purchased a Thessalian witch, I could make the
moon descend during the night and shut it, like a mirror, into a round
box and there keep it carefully....
SOCRATES
How would you gain by that?
STREPSIADES
How? why, if the moon did not rise, I would have no interest to
pay.
SOCRATES
Why so?
STREPSIADES
Because money is lent by the month.
SOCRATES
Good! but I am going to propose another trick to you. If you
were condemned to pay five talents, how would you manage to quash that
verdict? Tell me.
STREPSIADES
How? how? I don't know, I must think.
SOCRATES
Do you always shut your thoughts within yourself? Let your ideas
fly in the air, like a maybug, tied by the foot with a thread.
STREPSIADES
I have found a very clever way to annul that conviction; you
will admit that much yourself.
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SOCRATES
What is it?
STREPSIADES
Have you ever seen a beautiful, transparent stone at the
druggists', with which you may kindle fire?
SOCRATES
You mean a crystal lens.
STREPSIADES
That's right. Well, now if I placed myself with this stone in
the sun and a long way off from the clerk, while he was writing out
the conviction, I could make all the wax, upon which the words were
written, melt.
SOCRATES
Well thought out, by the Graces!
STREPSIADES
Ah! I am delighted to have annulled the decree that was to cost me
five talents.
SOCRATES
Come, take up this next question quickly.
STREPSIADES
Which?
SOCRATES
If, when summoned to court, you were in danger of losing your case
for want of witnesses, how would you make the conviction fall upon
your opponent?
STREPSIADES
That's very simple and easy.
SOCRATES
Let me hear.
STREPSIADES
This way. If another case had to be pleaded before mine was
called, I should run and hang myself.
SOCRATES
You talk rubbish!
STREPSIADES
Not so, by the gods! if I were dead, no action could lie against
me.
SOCRATES
You are merely beating the air. Get out! I will give you no more
lessons.
STREPSIADES (imploringly)
Why not? Oh! Socrates! in the name of the gods!
SOCRATES
But you forget as fast as you learn. Come, what was the thing I
taught you first? Tell me.
STREPSIADES
Ah let me see. What was the first thing? What was it then? Ah!
that thing in which we knead the bread, oh! my god! what do you call
it?
SOCRATES
Plague take the most forgetful and silliest of old addlepates!
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STREPSIADES
Alas! what a calamity! what will become of me? I am undone if I do
not learn how to ply my tongue. Oh! Clouds! give me good advice.
CHORUSLEADER
Old man, we counsel you, if you have brought up a son, to send him
to learn in your stead.
STREPSIADES
Undoubtedly I have a son, as well endowed as the best, but he is
unwilling to learn. What will become of me?
CHORUSLEADER
And you don't make him obey you?
STREPSIADES
You see, he is big and strong; moreover, through his mother he
is a descendant of those fine birds, the race of Coesyra.
Nevertheless, I will go and find him, and if he refuses, I will turn
him out of the house. Go in, Socrates, and wait for me awhile.
(SOCRATES goes into the Thoughtery, STREPSIADES into his own house.)
CHORUS (singing)
Do you understand, Socrates, that thanks to us you will be
loaded with benefits? Here is a man, ready to obey you in all
things. You see how he is carried away with admiration and enthusiasm.
Profit by it to clip him as short as possible; fine chances are all
too quickly gone.
STREPSIADES (coming out of his house and pushing his son in front of
him) No, by the Clouds! you stay here no longer; go and devour the
ruins of your uncle Megacles' fortune.
PHIDIPPIDES
Oh! my poor father! what has happened to you? By the Olympian
Zeus! You are no longer in your senses!
STREPSIADES
Look! "the Olympian Zeus." Oh! you fool! to believe in Zeus at
your age!
PHIDIPPIDES
What is there in that to make you laugh?
STREPSIADES
You are then a tiny little child, if you credit such antiquated
rubbish! But come here, that I may teach you; I will tell you
something very necessary to know to be a man; but do not repeat it
to anybody.
PHIDIPPIDES
Tell me, what is it?
STREPSIADES
Just now you swore by Zeus.
PHIDIPPIDES
Sure I did.
STREPSIADES
Do you see how good it is to learn? Phidippides, there is no Zeus.
PHIDIPPIDES
What is there then?
STREPSIADES
The Whirlwind has driven out Zeus and is King now.
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Page No 111
PHIDIPPIDES
What drivel!
STREPSIADES
You must realize that it is true.
PHIDIPPIDES
And who says so?
STREPSIADES
Socrates, the Melian, and Chaerephon, who knows how to measure the
jump of a flea.
PHIDIPPIDES
Have you reached such a pitch of madness that you believe those
bilious fellows?
STREPSIADES
Use better language, and do not insult men who are clever and full
of wisdom, who, to economize, never shave, shun the gymnasia and never
go to the baths, while you, you only await my death to eat up my
wealth. But come, come as quickly as you can to learn in my stead.
PHIDIPPIDES
And what good can be learnt of them?
STREPSIADES
What good indeed? Why, all human knowledge. Firstly, you will know
yourself grossly ignorant. But await me here awhile.
(He goes back into his house.)
PHIDIPPIDES
Alas! what is to be done? Father has lost his wits. Must I have
him certificated for lunacy, or must I order his coffin?
STREPSIADES (returning with a bird in each hand)
Come! what kind of bird is this? Tell me.
PHIDIPPIDES
A pigeon.
STREPSIADES
Good! And this female?
PHIDIPPIDES
A pigeon.
STREPSIADES
The same for both? You make me laugh! In the future you must
call this one a pigeonnette and the other a pigeon.
PHIDIPPIDES
A pigeonnette! These then are the fine things you have just learnt
at the school of these sons of Earth!
STREPSIADES
And many others; but what I learnt I forgot at once, because I
am to old.
PHIDIPPIDES
So this is why you have lost your cloak?
STREPSIADES
I have not lost it, I have consecrated it to Philosophy.
PHIDIPPIDES
And what have you done with your sandals, you poor fool?
STREPSIADES
If I have lost them, it is for what was necessary, just as
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Page No 112
Pericles did. But come, move yourself, let us go in; if necessary,
do wrong to obey your father. When you were six years old and still
lisped, I was the one who obeyed you. I remember at the feasts of Zeus
you had a consuming wish for a little chariot and I bought it for
you with the first obolus which I received as a juryman in the courts.
PHIDIPPIDES
You will soon repent of what you ask me to do.
STREPSIADES
Oh! now I am happy! He obeys. (loudly) Come, Socrates, come!
Come out quick! Here I am bringing you my son; he refused, but I
have persuaded him.
SOCRATES
Why, he is but a child yet. He is not used to these baskets, in
which we suspend our minds.
PHIDIPPIDES
To make you better used to them, I would you were hung.
STREPSIADES
A curse upon you! you insult your master!
SOCRATES
"I would you were hung!" What a stupid speech! and so emphatically
spoken! How can one ever get out of an accusation with such a tone,
summon witnesses or touch or convince? And yet when we think,
Hyperbolus learnt all this for one talent!
STREPSIADES
Rest undisturbed and teach him. He has a most intelligent
nature. Even when quite little he amused himself at home with making
houses, carving boats, constructing little chariots of leather, and
understood wonderfully how to make frogs out of pomegranate rinds.
Teach him both methods of reasoning, the strong and also the weak,
which by false arguments triumphs over the strong; if not the two,
at least the false, and that in every possible way.
SOCRATES
The Just and Unjust Discourse themselves shall instruct him. I
shall leave you.
STREPSIADES
But forget it not, he must always, always be able to confound
the true.
(Socrates enters the Thoughtery; a moment later the JUST and the
UNJUST DISCOURSE come out; they are quarrelling violently.)
JUST DISCOURSE
Come here! Shameless as you may be, will you dare to show your
face to the spectators?
UNJUST DISCOURSE
Take me where you will. I seek a throng, so that I may the
better annihilate you.
JUST DISCOURSE
Annihilate me! Do you forget who you are?
UNJUST DISCOURSE
I am Reasoning.
JUST DISCOURSE
Yes, the weaker Reasoning."
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Page No 113
UNJUST DISCOURSE
But I triumph over you, who claim to be the stronger.
JUST DISCOURSE
By what cunning shifts, pray?
UNJUST DISCOURSE
By the invention of new maxims.
JUST DISCOURSE
.... which are received with favour by these fools.
(He points to the audience.)
UNJUST DISCOURSE
Say rather, by these wise men.
JUST DISCOURSE
I am going to destroy you mercilessly.
UNJUST DISCOURSE
How pray? Let us see you do it.
JUST DISCOURSE
By saying what is true.
UNJUST DISCOURSE
I shall retort and shall very soon have the better of you.
First, maintain that justice has no existence.
JUST DISCOURSE
Has no existence?
UNJUST DISCOURSE
No existence! Why, where is it?
JUST DISCOURSE
With the gods.
UNJUST DISCOURSE
How then, if justice exists, was Zeus not put to death for
having put his father in chains?
JUST DISCOURSE
Bah! this is enough to turn my stomach! A basin, quick!
UNJUST DISCOURSE
You are an old driveller and stupid withal.
JUST DISCOURSE
And you a degenerate and shameless fellow.
UNJUST DISCOURSE
Hah! What sweet expressions!
JUST DISCOURSE
An impious buffoon.
UNJUST DISCOURSE
You crown me with roses and with lilies.
JUST DISCOURSE
A parricide.
UNJUST DISCOURSE
Why, you shower gold upon me.
JUST DISCOURSE
Formerly it was a hailstorm of blows.
UNJUST DISCOURSE
I deck myself with your abuse.
JUST DISCOURSE
What impudence!
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Page No 114
UNJUST DISCOURSE
What tomfoolery!
JUST DISCOURSE
It is because of you that the youth no longer attends the schools.
The Athenians will soon recognize what lessons you teach those who are
fools enough to believe you.
UNJUST DISCOURSE
You are overwhelmed with wretchedness.
JUST DISCOURSE
And you, you prosper. Yet you were poor when you said, "I am the
Mysian Telephus," and used to stuff your wallet with maxims of
Pandeletus to nibble at.
UNJUST DISCOURSE
Oh! the beautiful wisdom, of which you are now boasting!
JUST DISCOURSE
Madman! But yet madder the city that keeps you, you, the corrupter
of its youth!
UNJUST DISCOURSE
It is not you who will teach this young man; you are as old and
out of date at Cronus.
JUST DISCOURSE
Nay, it will certainly be I, if he does not wish to be lost and to
practise verbosity only.
UNJUST DISCOURSE (to PHIDIPPIDES)
Come here and leave him to beat the air.
JUST DISCOURSE
You'll regret it, if you touch him.
CHORUSLEADER (stepping between them as they are about to come to
blows)
A truce to your quarrellings and abuse! But you expound what you
taught us formerly, and you, your new doctrine. Thus, after hearing
each of you argue, he will be able to choose betwixt the two schools.
JUST DISCOURSE
I am quite agreeable.
UNJUST DISCOURSE
And I too.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Who is to speak first?
UNJUST DISCOURSE
Let it be my opponent, he has my full consent; then I shall follow
upon the very ground he shall have chosen and shall shatter him with a
hail of new ideas and subtle fancies; if after that he dares to
breathe another word, I shall sting him in the face and in the eyes
with our maxims, which are as keen as the sting of a wasp, and he will
die.
CHORUS (singing)
Here are two rivals confident in their powers of oratory and in
the thoughts over which they have pondered so long. Let us see which
will come triumphant out of the contest. This wisdom, for which my
friends maintain such a persistent fight, is in great danger.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
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Page No 115
Come then, you, who crowned men of other days with so many
virtues, plead the cause dear to you, make yourself known to us.
JUST DISCOURSE
Very well, I will tell you what was the old education, when I used
to teach justice with so much success and when modesty was held in
veneration. Firstly, it was required of a child, that it should not
utter a word. In the street, when they went to the musicschool, all
the youths of the same district marched lightly clad and ranged in
good order, even when the snow was falling in great flakes. At the
master's house they had to stand with their legs apart and they were
taught to sing either, "Pallas, the Terrible, who overturneth cities,"
or "A noise resounded from afar" in the solemn tones of the ancient
harmony. If anyone indulged in buffoonery or lent his voice any of the
soft inflexions, like those which today the disciples of Phrynis take
so much pains to form, he was treated as an enemy of the Muses and
belaboured with blows. In the wrestling school they would sit with
outstretched legs and without display of any indecency to the curious.
When they rose, they would smooth over the sand, so as to leave no
trace to excite obscene thoughts. Never was a child rubbed with oil
below the belt; the rest of their bodies thus retained its fresh bloom
and down, like a velvety peach. They were not to be seen approaching a
lover and themselves rousing his passion by soft modulation of the
voice and lustful gaze. At table, they would not have dared, before
those older than themselves, to have taken a radish, an aniseed or a
leaf of parsley, and much less eat fish or thrushes or cross their
legs.
UNJUST DISCOURSE
What antiquated rubbish! Have we got back to the days of the
festivals of Zeus Polieus, to the Buphonia, to the time of the poet
Cecides and the golden cicadas?
JUST DISCOURSE
Nevertheless by suchlike teaching I built up the men of
MarathonBut you, you teach the children of today to bundle
themselves quickly into their clothes, and I am enraged when I see
them at the Panathenaea forgetting Athene while they dance, and
covering their tools with their bucklers. Hence, young man, dare to
range yourself beside me, who follow justice and truth; you will
then be able to shun the public place, to refrain from the baths, to
blush at all that is shameful, to fire up if your virtue is mocked at,
to give place to your elders, to honour your parents, in short, to
avoid all that is evil. Be modesty itself, and do not run to applaud
the dancing girls; if you delight in such scenes, some courtesan
will cast you her apple and your reputation will be done for. Do not
bandy words with your father, nor treat him as a dotard, nor
reproach the old man, who has cherished you, with his age.
UNJUST DISCOURSE
If you listen to him, by Bacchus! you will be the image of the
sons of Hippocrates and will be called mother's big ninny.
JUST DISCOURSE
No, but you will pass your days at the gymnasia, glowing with
strength and health; you will not go to the public place to cackle and
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Page No 116
wrangle as is done nowadays; you will not live in fear that you may be
dragged before the courts for some trifle exaggerated by quibbling.
But you will go down to the Academy to run beneath the sacred olives
with some virtuous friend of your own age, your head encircled with
the white reed, enjoying your ease and breathing the perfume of the
yew and of the fresh sprouts of the poplar, rejoicing in the return of
springtide and gladly listening to the gentle rustle of the plane tree
and the elm. (With greater warmth from here on) If you devote yourself
to practising my precepts, your chest will be stout, your colour
glowing, your shoulders broad, your tongue short, your hips
muscular, but your tool small. But if you follow the fashions of the
day, you will be pallid in hue, have narrow shoulders, a narrow chest,
a long tongue, small hips and a big thing; you will know how to spin
forth longwinded arguments on law. You will be persuaded also to
regard as splendid everything that is shameful and as shameful
everything that is honourable; in a word, you will wallow in
degeneracy like Antimachus.
CHORUS (singing)
How beautiful, highsouled, brilliant is this wisdom that you
practise! What a sweet odour of honesty is emitted by your
discourse! Happy were those men of other days who lived when you
were honoured! And you, seductive talker, come, find some fresh
arguments, for your rival has done wonders.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
You will have to bring out against him all the battery of your
wit, it you desire to beat him and not to be laughed out of court.
UNJUST DISCOURSE
At last! I was choking with impatience, I was burning to upset his
arguments! If I am called the Weaker Reasoning in the schools, it is
just because I was the first to discover the means to confute the laws
and the decrees of justice. To invoke solely the weaker arguments
and yet triumph is an art worth more than a hundred thousand drachmae.
But see how I shall batter down the sort of education of which he is
so proud. Firstly, he forbids you to bathe in hot water. What
grounds have you for condemning hot baths?
JUST DISCOURSE
Because they are baneful and enervate men.
UNJUST DISCOURSE
Enough said! Oh! you poor wrestler! From the very outset I have
seized you and hold you round the middle; you cannot escape me. Tell
me, of all the sons of Zeus, who had the stoutest heart, who performed
the most doughty deeds?
JUST DISCOURSE
None, in my opinion, surpassed Heracles.
UNJUST DISCOURSE
Where have you ever seen cold baths called 'Bath of Heracles'? And
yet who was braver than he?
JUST DISCOURSE
It is because of such quibbles, that the baths are seen crowded
with young folk, who chatter there the livelong day while the gymnasia
remain empty.
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Page No 117
UNJUST DISCOURSE
Next you condemn the habit of frequenting the marketplace,
while I approve this. If it were wrong Homer would never have made
Nestor speak in public as well as all his wise heroes. As for the
art of speaking, he tells you, young men should not practise it; I
hold the contrary. Furthermore he preaches chastity to them. Both
precepts are equally harmful. Have you ever seen chastity of any use
to anyone? Answer and try to confute me.
JUST DISCOURSE
To many; for instance, Peleus won a sword thereby.
UNJUST DISCOURSE
A sword! Ah! what a fine present to make him! Poor wretch!
Hyperbolus, the lampseller, thanks to his villainy, has gained more
than....do not know how many talents, but certainly no sword.
JUST DISCOURSE
Peleus owed it to his chastity that he became the husband of
Thetis.
UNJUST DISCOURSE
.... who left him in the lurch, for he was not the most ardent; in
those nocturnal sports between the sheets, which so please women, he
possessed but little merit. Get you gone, you are but an old fool. But
you, young man, just consider a little what this temperance means
and the delights of which it deprives youyoung fellows, women,
play, dainty dishes, wine, boisterous laughter. And what is life worth
without these? Then, if you happen to commit one of these faults
inherent in human weakness, some seduction or adultery, and you are
caught in the act, you are lost, if you cannot speak. But follow my
teaching and you will be able to satisfy your passions, to dance, to
laugh, to blush at nothing. Suppose you are caught in the act of
adultery. Then up and tell the husband you are not guilty, and
recall to him the example of Zeus, who allowed himself to be conquered
by love and by women. Being but a mortal, can you be stronger than a
god?
JUST DISCOURSE
Suppose your pupil, following your advice, gets the radish
rammed up his arse and then is depilated with a hot coal; how are
you going to prove to him that he is not a broadarse?
UNJUST DISCOURSE
What's the matter with being a broadarse?
JUST DISCOURSE
Is there anything worse than that?
UNJUST DISCOURSE
Now what will you say, if I beat you even on this point?
JUST DISCOURSE
I should certainly have to be silent then.
UNJUST DISCOURSE
Well then, reply! Our advocates, what are they?
JUST DISCOURSE
Sons of broadarses.
UNJUST DISCOURSE
Nothing is more true. And our tragic poets?
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Page No 118
JUST DISCOURSE
Sons of broadarses.
UNJUST DISCOURSE
Well said again. And our demagogues?
JUST DISCOURSE
Sons of broadarses.
UNJUST DISCOURSE
You admit that you have spoken nonsense. And the spectators,
what are they for the most part? Look at them.
JUST DISCOURSE
I am looking at them.
UNJUST DISCOURSE
Well! What do you see?
JUST DISCOURSE
By the gods, they are nearly all broadarses. (pointing) See, this
one I know to be such and that one and that other with the long hair.
UNJUST DISCOURSE
What have you to say, then?
JUST DISCOURSE
I am beaten. Debauchees! in the name of the gods, receive my
cloak; I pass over to your ranks.
(He goes back into the Thoughtery.)
UNJUST DISCOURSE
Well then! Are you going to take away your son or do you wish me
to teach him how to speak?
STREPSIADES
Teach him, chastise him and do not fail to sharpen his tongue
well, on one side for petty lawsuits and on the other for important
cases.
UNJUST DISCOURSE
Don't worry, I shall return him to you an accomplished sophist.
PHIDIPPIDES
Very pale then and thoroughly hangdoglooking.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Take him with you. (The UNJUST DISCOURSE and PHIDIPPIDES go into
the THOUGHTERY. To STREPSIADES, who is just going into his own house.)
I think you will regret this. (The CHORUS turns and faces the
audience.) judges, we are all about to tell you what you will gain
by awarding us the crown as equity requires of you. In spring, when
you wish to give your fields the first dressing, we will rain upon you
first; the others shall wait. Then we will watch over your corn and
over your vinestocks; they will have no excess to fear, neither of
heat nor of wet. But if a mortal dares to insult the goddesses of
the Clouds, let him think of the ills we shall pour upon him. For
him neither wine nor any harvest at all! Our terrible slings will
mow down his young olive plants and his vines. If he is making bricks,
it will rain, and our round hailstones will break the tiles of his
roof. If he himself marries or any of his relations or friends, we
shall cause rain to fall the whole night long. Verily, he would prefer
to live in Egypt than to have given this iniquitous verdict.
STREPSIADES (coming out again)
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Page No 119
Another four, three, two days, then the eve, then the day, the
fatal day of payment! I tremble, I quake, I shudder, for it's the
day of the old moon and the new. Then all my creditors take the
oath, pay their deposits, I swear my downfall and my ruin. As for
me, I beseech them to be reasonable, to be just, "My friend, do not
demand this sum, wait a little for this other and give me time for
this third one." Then they will pretend that at this rate they will
never be repaid, will accuse me of bad faith and will threaten me with
the law. Well then, let them sue me! I care nothing for that, if
only Phidippides has learnt to speak fluently. I am going to find out;
I'll knock at the door of the school. (He knocks.).... Ho! slave,
slave!
SOCRATES (coming out)
Welcome! Strepsiades!
STREPSIADES
Welcome! Socrates! But first take this sack (offers him a sack
of flour); it is right to reward the master with some present. And
my son, whom you took off lately, has he learnt this famous reasoning?
Tell me.
SOCRATES
He has learnt it.
STREPSIADES
Wonderful! Oh! divine Knavery!
SOCRATES
You will win just as many causes as you choose.
STREPSIADES
Even if I have borrowed before witnesses?
SOCRATES
So much the better, even if there are a thousand of them!
STREPSIADES (bursting into song)
Then I am going to shout with all my might. "Woe to the usurers,
woe to their capital and their interest and their compound interest!
You shall play me no more bad turns. My son is being taught there, his
tongue is being sharpened into a doubleedged weapon; he is my
defender, the saviour of my house, the ruin of my foes! His poor
father was crushed down with misfortune and he delivers him." Go and
call him to me quickly. Oh! my child! my dear little one! run
forward to your father's voice!
SOCRATES (singing)
Lo, the man himself!
STREPSIADES (singing)
Oh, my friend, my dearest friend!
SOCRATES (singing)
Take your son, and get you gone.
STREPSIADES (as PHIDIPPIDES appears)
Oh, my son! oh! oh! what a pleasure to see your pallor! You are
ready first to deny and then to contradict; it's as clear as noon.
What a child of your country you are! How your lips quiver with the
famous, "What have you to say now?" How well you know, I am certain,
to put on the look of a victim, when it is you who are making both
victims and dupes! And what a truly Attic glance! Come, it's for you
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Page No 120
to save me, seeing it is you who have ruined me.
PHIDIPPIDES
What is it you fear then?
STREPSIADES
The day of the old and the new.
PHIDIPPIDES
Is there then a day of the old and the new?
STREPSIADES
The day on which they threaten to pay deposit against me.
PHIDIPPIDES
Then so much the worse for those who have deposited! for it's
not possible for one day to be two.
STREPSIADES
What?
PHIDIPPIDES
Why, undoubtedly, unless a woman can be both old and young at
the same time.
STREPSIADES
But so runs the law.
PHIDIPPIDES
I think the meaning of the law is quite misunderstood.
STREPSIADES
What does it mean?
PHIDIPPIDES
Old Solon loved the people.
STREPSIADES
What has that to do with the old day and the new?
PHIDIPPIDES
He has fixed two days for the summons, the last day of the old
moon and the first day of the new; but the deposits must only be
paid on the first day of the new moon.
STREPSIADES
And why did he also name the last day of the old?
PHIDIPPIDES
So, my dear sir, that the debtors, being there the day before,
might free themselves by mutual agreement, or that else, if not, the
creditor might begin his action on the morning of the new moon.
STREPSIADES
Why then do the magistrates have the deposits paid on the last
of the month and not the next day?
PHIDIPPIDES
I think they do as the gluttons do, who are the first to pounce
upon the dishes. Being eager to carry off these deposits, they have
them paid in a day too soon.
STREPSIADES
Splendid! (to the audience) Ah! you poor brutes, who serve for
food to us clever folk! You are only down here to swell the number,
true blockheads, sheep for shearing, heap of empty pots! Hence I
will sing a song of victory for my son and myself. "Oh! happy,
Strepsiades! what cleverness is thine! and what a son thou hast here!"
Thus my friends and my neighbours will say, jealous at seeing me
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Page No 121
gain all my suits. But come in, I wish to regale you first.
(They both go in. A moment later a creditor arrives, with his
witness.)
PASIAS (to the WITNESS)
A man should never lend a single obolus. It would be better to put
on a brazen face at the outset than to get entangled in such
matters. I want to see my money again and I bring you here today to
attest the loan. I am going to make a foe of a neighbour; but, as long
as I live, I do not wish my country to have to blush for me. Come, I
am going to summon Strepsiades....
STREPSIADES (coming out of his house)
Who is this?
PASIAS
....for the old day and the new.
STREPSIADES (to the WITNESS)
I call you to witness, that he has named two days. What do you
want of me?
PASIAS
I claim of you the twelve minae, which you borrowed from me to buy
the dapplegrey horse.
STREPSIADES
A horse! do you hear him? I, who detest horses, as is well known.
PASIAS
I call Zeus to witness, that you swore by the gods to return
them to me.
STREPSIADES
Because at that time, by Zeus! Phidippides did not yet know the
irrefutable argument.
PASIAS
Would you deny the debt on that account?
STREPSIADES
If not, what use is his science to me?
PASIAS
Will you dare to swear by the gods that you owe me nothing?
STREPSIADES
By which gods?
PASIAS
By Zeus, Hermes and Posidon!
STREPSIADES
Why, I would give three obols for the pleasure of swearing by
them.
PASIAS
Woe upon you, impudent knave!
STREPSIADES
Oh! what a fine wineskin you would make if flayed!
PASIAS
Heaven! he jeers at me!
STREPSIADES
It would hold six gallons easily.
PASIAS
By great Zeus! by all the gods! you shall not scoff at me with
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Page No 122
impunity,
STREPSIADES
Ah! how you amuse me with your gods! how ridiculous it seems to
a sage to hear Zeus invoked.
PASIAS
Your blasphemies will one day meet their reward. But, come, will
you repay me my money, yes or no? Answer me, that I may go.
STREPSIADES
Wait a moment, I am going to give you a distinct answer. (He
goes indoors and returns immediately with a kneadingtrough.)
PASIAS (to the WITNESS)
What do you think he will do? Do you think he will pay?
STREPSIADES
Where is the man who demands money? Tell me, what is this?
PASIAS
Him? Why, he is your kneadingtrough.
STREPSIADES
And you dare to demand money of me, when you are so ignorant? I
will not return an obolus to anyone who says him instead of her for
a kneadingtrough.
PASIAS
You will not repay?
STREPSIADES
Not if I know it. Come, an end to this, pack off as quick as you
can.
PASIAS
I go, but, may I die, if it be not to pay my deposit for a
summons.
(Exit)
STREPSIADES
Very well! It will be so much more loss to add to the twelve
minae. But truly it makes me sad, for I do pity a poor simpleton who
says him for a kneadingtrough
(Another creditor arrives.)
AMYNIAS
Woe! ah woe is me!
STREPSIADES
Wait! who is this whining fellow? Can it be one of the gods of
Carcinus?
AMYNIAS
Do you want to know who I am? I am a man of misfortune!
STREPSIADES
Get on your way then.
AMYNIAS (in tragic style)
Oh! cruel god! Oh Fate, who hast broken the wheels of my
chariot! Oh, Pallas, thou hast undone me!
STREPSIADES
What ill has Tlepolemus done you?
AMYNIAS
Instead of jeering me, friend, make your son return me the money
he has had of me; I am already unfortunate enough.
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Page No 123
STREPSIADES
What money?
AMYNIAS
The money he borrowed of me.
STREPSIADES
You have indeed had misfortune, it seems to me.
AMYNIAS
Yes, by the gods! I have been thrown from a chariot.
STREPSIADES
Why then drivel as if you had fallen off an ass?
AMYNIAS
Am I drivelling because I demand my money?
STREPSIADES
No, no, you cannot be in your right senses.
AMYNIAS
Why?
STREPSIADES
No doubt your poor wits have had a shake.
AMYNIAS
But by Hermes! I will sue you at law, if you do not pay me.
STREPSIADES
Just tell me; do you think it is always fresh water that Zeus lets
fall every time it rains, or is ill always the same water that the sun
pumps over the earth?
AMYNIAS
I neither know, nor care.
STREPSIADES
And actually you would claim the right to demand your money,
when you know not an iota of these celestial phenomena?
AMYNIAS
If you are short, pay me the interest anyway.
STREPSIADES
What kind of animal is interest?
AMYNIAS
What? Does not the sum borrowed go on growing, growing every
month, each day as the time slips by?
STREPSIADES
Well put. But do you believe there is more water in the sea now
than there was formerly?
AMYNIAS
No, it's just the same quantity. It cannot increase.
STREPSIADES
Thus, poor fool, the sea, that receives the rivers, never grows,
and yet you would have your money grow? Get you gone, away with you,
quick! Slave! bring me the oxgoad!
AMYNIAS
I have witnesses to this.
STREPSIADES
Come, what are you waiting for? Will you not budge, old nag!
AMYNIAS
What an insult!
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STREPSIADES
Unless you start trotting, I shall catch you and stick this in
your arse, you sorry packhorse! (AMYNIAS runs off.) Ah! you start,
do you? I was about to drive you pretty fast, I tell youyou and
your wheels and your chariot!
(He enters his house.)
CHORUS (singing)
Whither does the passion of evil lead! here is a perverse old man,
who wants to cheat his creditors; but some mishap, which will speedily
punish this rogue for his shameful schemings, cannot fail to
overtake him from today. For a long time he has been burning to
have his son know how to fight against all justice and right and to
gain even the most iniquitous causes against his adversaries every
one. I think this wish is going to be fulfilled. But mayhap, mayhap,
will he soon wish his son were dumb rather!
STREPSIADES (rushing out With PHIDIPPIDES after him)
Oh! oh! neighbours, kinsmen, fellowcitizens, help! help! to the
rescue, I am being beaten! Oh! my head! oh! my jaw! Scoundrel! Do
you beat your own father?
PHIDIPPIDES (calmly)
Yes, father, I do.
STREPSIADES
See! he admits he is beating me.
PHIDIPPIDES
Of course I do.
STREPSIADES
You villain, you parricide, you gallowsbird!
PHIDIPPIDES
Go on, repeat your epithets, call me a thousand other names, if it
please you. The more you curse, the greater my amusement!
STREPSIADES
Oh! you ditcharsed cynic!
PHIDIPPIDES
How fragrant the perfume breathed forth in your words.
STREPSIADES
Do you beat your own father?
PHIDIPPIDES
Yes, by Zeus! and I am going to show you that I do right in
beating you.
STREPSIADES
Oh, wretch! can it be right to beat a father?
PHIDIPPIDES
I will prove it to you, and you shall own yourself vanquished.
STREPSIADES
Own myself vanquished on a point like this?
PHIDIPPIDES
It's the easiest thing in the world. Choose whichever of the two
reasonings you like.
STREPSIADES
Of which reasonings?
PHIDIPPIDES
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Page No 125
The Stronger and the Weaker.
STREPSIADES
Miserable fellow! Why, I am the one who had you taught how to
refute what is right. and now you would persuade me it is right a
son should beat his father.
PHIDIPPIDES
I think I shall convince you so thoroughly that, when you have
heard me, you will not have a word to say.
STREPSIADES
Well, I am curious to hear what you have to say.
CHORUS (singing)
Consider well, old man, how you can best triumph over him. His
brazenness shows me that he thinks himself sure of his case; he has
some argument which gives him nerve. Note the confidence in his look!
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
But how did the fight begin? tell the Chorus; you cannot help
doing that much.
STREPSIADES
I will tell you what was the start of the quarrel. At the end of
the meal, as you know, I bade him take his lyre and sing me the air of
Simonides, which tells of the fleece of the ram. He replied bluntly,
that it was stupid, while drinking, to play the lyre and sing, like
a woman when she is grinding barley.
PHIDIPPIDES
Why, by rights I ought to have beaten and kicked you the very
moment you told me to sing I
STREPSIADES
That is just how he spoke to me in the house, furthermore he
added, that Simonides was a detestable poet. However, I mastered
myself and for a while said nothing. Then I said to him, 'At least,
take a myrtle branch and recite a passage from Aeschylus to
me.''For my own part,' he at once replied, 'I look upon Aeschylus
as the first of poets, for his verses roll superbly; they're nothing
but incoherence, bombast and turgidity.' Yet still I smothered my
wrath and said, 'Then recite one of the famous pieces from the
modern poets.' Then he commenced a piece in which Euripides shows, oh!
horror! a brother, who violates his own uterine sister. Then I could
not longer restrain myself, and attacked him with the most injurious
abuse; naturally he retorted; hard words were hurled on both sides,
and finally he sprang at me, broke my bones, bore me to earth,
strangled and started killing me!
PHIDIPPIDES
I was right. What! not praise Euripides, the greatest of our
poets?
STREPSIADES
He the greatest of our poets? Ah! if I but dared to speak! but the
blows would rain upon me harder than ever.
PHIDIPPIDES
Undoubtedly and rightly too.
STREPSIADES
Rightly! Oh! what impudence! to me, who brought you up! when you
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Page No 126
could hardly lisp, I guessed what you wanted. If you said broo,
broo, well, I brought you your milk; if you asked for mam mam, I
gave you bread; and you had no sooner said, caca, than I took you
outside and held you out. And just now, when you were strangling me, I
shouted, I bellowed that I was about to crap; and you, you
scoundrel, had not the heart to take me outside, so that, though
almost choking, I was compelled to do my crapping right there.
CHORUS (singing)
Young men, your hearts must be panting with impatience. What is
Phidippides going to say? If, after such conduct, he proves he has
done well, I would not give an obolus for the hide of old men.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Come, you, who know how to brandish and hurl the keen shafts of
the new science, find a way to convince us, give your language an
appearance of truth.
PHIDIPPIDES
How pleasant it is to know these clever new inventions and to be
able to defy the established laws! When I thought only about horses, I
was not able to string three words together without a mistake, but now
that the master has altered and improved me and that I live in this
world of subtle thought, of reasoning and of meditation, I count on
being able to prove satisfactorily that I have done well to thrash
my father.
STREPSIADES
Mount your horse! By Zeus! I would rather defray the keep of a
fourinhand team than be battered with blows.
PHIDIPPIDES
I revert to what I was saying when you interrupted me. And
first, answer me, did you beat me in my childhood?
STREPSIADES
Why, assuredly, for your good and in your own best interest.
PHIDIPPIDES
Tell me, is it not right, that in turn I should beat you for
your good, since it is for a man's own best interest to be beaten?
What! must your body be free of blows, and not mine? am I not
freeborn too? the children are to weep and the fathers go free? You
will tell me, that according to the law, it is the lot of children
to be beaten. But I reply that the old men are children twice over and
that it is far more fitting to chastise them than the young, for there
is less excuse for their faults.
STREPSIADES
But the law nowhere admits that fathers should be treated thus.
PHIDIPPIDES
Was not the legislator who carried this law a man like you and me?
In those days be got men to believe him; then why should not I too
have the right to establish for the future a new law, allowing
children to beat their fathers in turn? We make you a present of all
the blows which were received before his law, and admit that you
thrashed us with impunity. But look how the cocks and other animals
fight with their fathers; and yet what difference is there betwixt
them and ourselves, unless it be that they do not propose decrees?
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Page No 127
STREPSIADES
But if you imitate the cocks in all things, why don't you
scratch up the dunghill, why don't you sleep on a perch?
PHIDIPPIDES
That has no bearing on the case, good sir; Socrates would find
no connection, I assure you.
STREPSIADES
Then do not beat at all, for otherwise you have only yourself to
blame afterwards.
PHIDIPPIDES
What for?
STREPSIADES
I have the right to chastise you, and you to chastise your son, if
you have one.
PHIDIPPIDES
And if I have not, I shall have cried in vain, and you will die
laughing in my face.
STREPSIADES
What say you, all here present? It seems to me that he is right,
and I am of opinion that they should be accorded their right. If we
think wrongly, it is but just we should be beaten.
PHIDIPPIDES
Again, consider this other point.
STREPSIADES
It will be the death of me.
PHIDIPPIDES
But you will certainly feel no more anger because of the blows I
have given you.
STREPSIADES
Come, show me what profit I shall gain from it.
PHIDIPPIDES
I shall beat my mother just as I have you.
STREPSIADES
What do you say? what's that you say? Hah! this is far worse
still.
PHIDIPPIDES
And what if I prove to you by our school reasoning, that one ought
to beat one's mother?
STREPSIADES
Ah! if you do that, then you will only have to throw yourself,
along with Socrates and his reasoning, into the Barathrum. Oh! Clouds!
all our troubles emanate from you, from you, to whom I entrusted
myself, body and soul.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
No, you alone are the cause, because you have pursued the path
of evil.
STREPSIADES
Why did you not say so then, instead of egging on a poor
ignorant old man?
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
We always act thus, when we see a man conceive a passion for
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Page No 128
what is evil; we strike him with some terrible disgrace, so that he
may learn to fear the gods.
STREPSIADES
Alas! oh Clouds! that's hard indeed, but it's just! I ought not to
have cheated my creditors....But come, my dear son, come with me to
take vengeance on this wretched Chaerephon and on Socrates, who have
deceived us both.
PHIDIPPIDES
I shall do nothing against our masters.
STREPSIADES
Oh show some reverence for ancestral Zeus!
PHIDIPPIDES
Mark him and his ancestral Zeus! What a fool you are! Does any
such being as Zeus exist?
STREPSIADES
Why, assuredly.
PHIDIPPIDES
No, a thousand times no! The ruler of the world is the
Whirlwind, that has unseated Zeus.
STREPSIADES
He has not dethroned him. I believed it, because of this whirligig
here. Unhappy wretch that I am! I have taken a piece of clay to be a
god.
PHIDIPPIDES
Very well! Keep your stupid nonsense for your own consumption.
(He goes back into STREPSIADES' house.)
STREPSIADES
Oh! what madness! I had lost my reason when I threw over the
gods through Socrates' seductive phrases. (Addressing the statue of
Hermes) Oh! good Hermes, do not destroy me in your wrath. Forgive
me; their babbling had driven me crazy. Be my counselor. Shall I
pursue them at law or shall I....? Order and I obey.You are right, no
lawsuit; but up! let us burn down the home of those praters. Here,
Xanthias, here! take a ladder, come forth and arm yourself with an
axe; now mount upon the Thoughtery, demolish the roof, if you love
your master, and may the house fall in upon them. Ho! bring me a
blazing torch! There is more than one of them, archimpostors as
they are, on whom I am determined to have vengeance.
A DISCIPLE (from within)
Oh! oh!
STREPSIADES
Come, torch, do your duty! Burst into full flame!
DISCIPLE
What are you up to?
STREPSIADES
What am I up to? Why, I am entering upon a subtle argument with
the beams of the house.
SECOND DISCIPLE (from within)
Hullo! hullo who is burning down our house?
STREPSIADES
The man whose cloak you have appropriated.
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Page No 129
SECOND DISCIPLE
You are killing us!
STREPSIADES
That is just exactly what I hope, unless my axe plays me false, or
I fall and break my neck.
SOCRATES (appearing at the window)
Hi! you fellow on the roof, what are you doing up there?
STREPSIADES (mocking SOCRATES ' manner)
I am traversing the air and contemplating the sun.
SOCRATES
Ah! ah! woe is upon me! I am suffocating!
SECOND DISCIPLE
And I, alas, shall be burnt up!
STREPSIADES
Ah! you insulted the gods! You studied the face of the moon! Chase
them, strike and beat them down! Forward! they have richly deserved
their fateabove all, by reason of their blasphemies.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
So let the Chorus file off the stage. Its part is played.
THE END
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Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds 127
Bookmarks
1. Table of Contents, page = 3
2. Lysistra, The Birds, Clouds, page = 4
3. Aristophanes, page = 4