Charles Dickens.......................................................................................................................................1

What is exaggeration to one class of minds and perceptions, is plain truth to another. That which is

commonly called a longsight, perceives in a prospect innumerable features and bearings nonexistent to a

shortsighted person. I sometimes ask myself whether there may occasionally be a difference of this kind

between some writers and some readers; whether it is ALWAYS the writer who colours highly, or whether it

On this head of exaggeration I have a positive experience, more curious than the speculation I have just set

down. It is this: I have never touched a character precisely from the life, but some counterpart of that

character has incredulously asked me: "Now really, did I ever really, see one like it?"

All the Pecksniff family upon earth are quite agreed, I believe, that Mr. Pecksniff is an exaggeration, and that

no such character ever existed. I will not offer any plea on his behalf to so powerful and genteel a body, but

I conceive that the sordid coarseness and brutality of Jonas would be unnatural, if there had been nothing in

his early education, and in the precept and example always before him, to engender and develop the vices that

make him odious. But, so born and so bred, admired for that which made him hateful, and justified from his

cradle in cunning, treachery, and avarice; I claim him as the legitimate issue of the father upon whom those

vices are seen to recoil. And I submit that their recoil upon that old man, in his unhonoured age, is not a mere

I make this comment, and solicit the reader's attention to it in his or her consideration of this tale, because

nothing is more common in real life than a want of profitable reflection on the causes of many vices and

crimes that awaken the general horror. What is substantially true of families in this respect, is true of a whole

commonwealth. As we sow, we reap. Let the reader go into the children's side of any prison in England, or, I

grieve to add, of many workhouses, and judge whether those are monsters who disgrace our streets, people

our hulks and penitentiaries, and overcrowd our penal colonies, or are creatures whom we have deliberately

The American portion of this story is in no other respect a caricature than as it is an exhibition, for the most

part (Mr. Bevan expected), of a ludicrous side, ONLY, of the American characterof that side which was,

fourandtwenty years ago, from its nature, the most obtrusive, and the most likely to be seen by such

travellers as Young Martin and Mark Tapley. As I had never, in writing fiction, had any disposition to soften

what is ridiculous or wrong at home, so I then hoped that the goodhumored people of the United States

would not be generally disposed to quarrel with me for carrying the same usage abroad. I am happy to believe

When this book was first published, I was given to understand, by some authorities, that the Watertoast

Association and eloquence were beyond all bounds of belief. Therefore I record the fact that all that portion

of Martin Chuzzlewit's experiences is a literal paraphrase of some reports of public proceedings in the United

States (especially of the proceedings of a certain Brandywine Association), which were printed in the Times

Newspaper in June and July, 1843at about the time when I was engaged in writing those parts of the book;

In all my writings, I hope I have taken every available opportunity of showing the want of sanitary

improvements in the neglected dwellings of the poor. Mrs. Sarah Gamp was, fourandtwenty years ago, a

fair representation of the hired attendant on the poor in sickness. The hospitals of London were, in many

respects, noble Institutions; in others, very defective. I think it not the least among the instances of their

mismanagement, that Mrs. Betsey Prig was a fair specimen of a Hospital Nurse; and that the Hospitals, with

their means and funds, should have left it to private humanity and enterprise, to enter on an attempt to

improve that class of personssince, greatly improved through the agency of good women.

At a Public Dinner given to me on Saturday the 18th of April, 1868, in the city of New York, by two hundred

representatives of the Press of the United States of America, I made the following observations, among

"So much of my voice has lately been heard in the land, that I might have been contented with troubling you

no further from my present standingpoint, were it not a duty with which I henceforth charge myself, not

only here but on every suitable occasion, whatsoever and wheresoever, to express my high and grateful sense

of my second reception in America, and to bear my honest testimony to the national generosity and

magnanimity. Also, to declare how astounded I have been by the amazing changes I have seen around me on

every sidechanges moral, changes physical, changes in the amount of land subdued and peopled, changes

in the rise of vast new cities, changes in the growth of older cities almost out of recognition, changes in the

graces and amenities of life, changes in the Press, without whose advancement no advancement can take

place anywhere. Nor am I, believe me, so arrogant as to suppose that in fiveandtwenty years there have

been no changes in me, and that I had nothing to learn and no extreme impressions to correct when I was here

first. And this brings me to a point on which I have, ever since I landed in the United States last November,

observed a strict silence, though sometimes tempted to break it, but in reference to which I will, with your

good leave, take you into my confidence now. Even the Press, being human, may be sometimes mistaken or

misinformed, and I rather think that I have in one or two rare instances observed its information to be not

strictly accurate with reference to myself. Indeed, I have, now and again, been more surprised by printed

news that I have read of myself, than by any printed news that I have ever read in my present state of

existence. Thus, the vigour and perseverance with which I have for some months past been collecting

materials for, and hammering away at, a new book on America has much astonished me; seeing that all that

time my declaration has been perfectly well known to my publishers on both sides of the Atlantic, that no

consideration on earth would induce me to write one. But what I have intended, what I have resolved upon

(and this is the confidence I seek to place in you), is, on my return to England, in my own person, in my own

Journal, to bear, for the behoof of my countrymen, such testimony to the gigantic changes in this country as I

have hinted at tonight. Also, to record that wherever I have been, in the smallest places equally with the

largest, I have been received with unsurpassable politeness, delicacy, sweet temper, hospitality,

consideration, and with unsurpassable respect for the privacy daily enforced upon me by the nature of my

avocation here and the state of my health. This testimony, so long as I live, and so long as my descendants

have any legal right in my books, I shall cause to be republished, as an appendix to every copy of those two

books of mine in which I have referred to America. And this I will do and cause to be done, not in mere love

and thankfulness, but because I regard it as an act of plain justice and honour."

I said these words with the greatest earnestness that I could lay upon them, and I repeat them in print here

with equal earnestness. So long as this book shall last, I hope that they will form a part of it, and will be fairly

As no lady or gentleman, with any claims to polite breeding, can possibly sympathize with the Chuzzlewit

Family without being first assured of the extreme antiquity of the race, it is a great satisfaction to know that it

undoubtedly descended in a direct line from Adam and Eve; and was, in the very earliest times, closely

connected with the agricultural interest. If it should ever be urged by grudging and malicious persons, that a

Chuzzlewit, in any period of the family history, displayed an overweening amount of family pride, surely the

weakness will be considered not only pardonable but laudable, when the immense superiority of the house to

the rest of mankind, in respect of this its ancient origin, is taken into account.

It is remarkable that as there was, in the oldest family of which we have any record, a murderer and a

vagabond, so we never fail to meet, in the records of all old families, with innumerable repetitions of the

same phase of character. Indeed, it may be laid down as a general principle, that the more extended the

ancestry, the greater the amount of violence and vagabondism; for in ancient days those two amusements,

combining a wholesome excitement with a promising means of repairing shattered fortunes, were at once the

Consequently, it is a source of inexpressible comfort and happiness to find, that in various periods of our

history, the Chuzzlewits were actively connected with divers slaughterous conspiracies and bloody frays. It is

further recorded of them, that being clad from head to heel in steel of proof, they did on many occasions lead

their leatherjerkined soldiers to the death with invincible courage, and afterwards return home gracefully to

There can be no doubt that at least one Chuzzlewit came over with William the Conqueror. It does not appear

that this illustrious ancestor 'came over' that monarch, to employ the vulgar phrase, at any subsequent period;

inasmuch as the Family do not seem to have been ever greatly distinguished by the possession of landed

estate. And it is well known that for the bestowal of that kind of property upon his favourites, the liberality

and gratitude of the Norman were as remarkable as those virtues are usually found to be in great men when

Perhaps in this place the history may pause to congratulate itself upon the enormous amount of bravery,

wisdom, eloquence, virtue, gentle birth, and true nobility, that appears to have come into England with the

Norman Invasion: an amount which the genealogy of every ancient family lends its aid to swell, and which

would beyond all question have been found to be just as great, and to the full as prolific in giving birth to

long lines of chivalrous descendants, boastful of their origin, even though William the Conqueror had been

William the Conquered; a change of circumstances which, it is quite certain, would have made no manner of

There was unquestionably a Chuzzlewit in the Gunpowder Plot, if indeed the archtraitor, Fawkes himself,

were not a scion of this remarkable stock; as he might easily have been, supposing another Chuzzlewit to

have emigrated to Spain in the previous generation, and there intermarried with a Spanish lady, by whom he

had issue, one olivecomplexioned son. This probable conjecture is strengthened, if not absolutely

confirmed, by a fact which cannot fail to be interesting to those who are curious in tracing the progress of

hereditary tastes through the lives of their unconscious inheritors. It is a notable circumstance that in these

later times, many Chuzzlewits, being unsuccessful in other pursuits, have, without the smallest rational hope

of enriching themselves, or any conceivable reason, set up as coalmerchants; and have, month after month,

continued gloomily to watch a small stock of coals, without in any one instance negotiating with a purchaser.

The remarkable similarity between this course of proceeding and that adopted by their Great Ancestor

beneath the vaults of the Parliament House at Westminster, is too obvious and too full of interest, to stand in

It is also clearly proved by the oral traditions of the Family, that there existed, at some one period of its

history which is not distinctly stated, a matron of such destructive principles, and so familiarized to the use

and composition of inflammatory and combustible engines, that she was called 'The Match Maker;' by which

nickname and byword she is recognized in the Family legends to this day. Surely there can be no reasonable

But there is one other piece of evidence, bearing immediate reference to their close connection with this

memorable event in English History, which must carry conviction, even to a mind (if such a mind there be)

There was, within a few years, in the possession of a highly respectable and in every way credible and

unimpeachable member of the Chuzzlewit Family (for his bitterest enemy never dared to hint at his being

otherwise than a wealthy man), a dark lantern of undoubted antiquity; rendered still more interesting by

being, in shape and pattern, extremely like such as are in use at the present day. Now this gentleman, since

deceased, was at all times ready to make oath, and did again and again set forth upon his solemn asseveration,

that he had frequently heard his grandmother say, when contemplating this venerable relic, 'Aye, aye! This

was carried by my fourth son on the fifth of November, when he was a Guy Fawkes.' These remarkable

words wrought (as well they might) a strong impression on his mind, and he was in the habit of repeating

them very often. The just interpretation which they bear, and the conclusion to which they lead, are

triumphant and irresistible. The old lady, naturally strongminded, was nevertheless frail and fading; she was

notoriously subject to that confusion of ideas, or, to say the least, of speech, to which age and garrulity are

liable. The slight, the very slight, confusion apparent in these expressions is manifest, and is ludicrously easy

of correction. 'Aye, aye,' quoth she, and it will be observed that no emendation whatever is necessary to be

made in these two initiative remarks, 'Aye, aye! This lantern was carried by my forefather'not fourth son,

which is preposterous'on the fifth of November. And HE was Guy Fawkes.' Here we have a remark at once

consistent, clear, natural, and in strict accordance with the character of the speaker. Indeed the anecdote is so

plainly susceptible of this meaning and no other, that it would be hardly worth recording in its original state,

were it not a proof of what may be (and very often is) affected not only in historical prose but in imaginative

poetry, by the exercise of a little ingenious labour on the part of a commentator.

It has been said that there is no instance, in modern times, of a Chuzzlewit having been found on terms of

intimacy with the Great. But here again the sneering detractors who weave such miserable figments from

their malicious brains, are stricken dumb by evidence. For letters are yet in the possession of various branches

of the family, from which it distinctly appears, being stated in so many words, that one Diggory Chuzzlewit

was in the habit of perpetually dining with Duke Humphrey. So constantly was he a guest at that nobleman's

table, indeed; and so unceasingly were His Grace's hospitality and companionship forced, as it were, upon

him; that we find him uneasy, and full of constraint and reluctance; writing his friends to the effect that if

they fail to do so and so by bearer, he will have no choice but to dine again with Duke Humphrey; and

expressing himself in a very marked and extraordinary manner as one surfeited of High Life and Gracious

It has been rumoured, and it is needless to say the rumour originated in the same base quarters, that a certain

male Chuzzlewit, whose birth must be admitted to be involved in some obscurity, was of very mean and low

descent. How stands the proof? When the son of that individual, to whom the secret of his father's birth was

supposed to have been communicated by his father in his lifetime, lay upon his deathbed, this question was

put to him in a distinct, solemn, and formal way: 'Toby Chuzzlewit, who was your grandfather?' To which he,

with his last breath, no less distinctly, solemnly, and formally replied: and his words were taken down at the

time, and signed by six witnesses, each with his name and address in full: 'The Lord No Zoo.' It may be

saidit HAS been said, for human wickedness has no limitsthat there is no Lord of that name, and that

among the titles which have become extinct, none at all resembling this, in sound even, is to be discovered.

But what is the irresistible inference? Rejecting a theory broached by some wellmeaning but mistaken

persons, that this Mr Toby Chuzzlewit's grandfather, to judge from his name, must surely have been a

Mandarin (which is wholly insupportable, for there is no pretence of his grandmother ever having been out of

this country, or of any Mandarin having been in it within some years of his father's birth; except those in the

teashops, which cannot for a moment be regarded as having any bearing on the question, one way or other),

rejecting this hypothesis, is it not manifest that Mr Toby Chuzzlewit had either received the name imperfectly

from his father, or that he had forgotten it, or that he had mispronounced it? and that even at the recent period

in question, the Chuzzlewits were connected by a bend sinister, or kind of heraldic overtheleft, with some

From documentary evidence, yet preserved in the family, the fact is clearly established that in the

comparatively modern days of the Diggory Chuzzlewit before mentioned, one of its members had attained to

very great wealth and influence. Throughout such fragments of his correspondence as have escaped the

ravages of the moths (who, in right of their extensive absorption of the contents of deeds and papers, may be

called the general registers of the Insect World), we find him making constant reference to an uncle, in

respect of whom he would seem to have entertained great expectations, as he was in the habit of seeking to

propitiate his favour by presents of plate, jewels, books, watches, and other valuable articles. Thus, he writes

on one occasion to his brother in reference to a gravyspoon, the brother's property, which he (Diggory)

would appear to have borrowed or otherwise possessed himself of: 'Do not be angry, I have parted with

itto my uncle.' On another occasion he expresses himself in a similar manner with regard to a child's mug

which had been entrusted to him to get repaired. On another occasion he says, 'I have bestowed upon that

irresistible uncle of mine everything I ever possessed.' And that he was in the habit of paying long and

constant visits to this gentleman at his mansion, if, indeed, he did not wholly reside there, is manifest from

the following sentence: 'With the exception of the suit of clothes I carry about with me, the whole of my

wearing apparel is at present at my uncle's.' This gentleman's patronage and influence must have been very

extensive, for his nephew writes, 'His interest is too high''It is too much' 'It is tremendous'and the

like. Still it does not appear (which is strange) to have procured for him any lucrative post at court or

elsewhere, or to have conferred upon him any other distinction than that which was necessarily included in

the countenance of so great a man, and the being invited by him to certain entertainment's, so splendid and

It is needless to multiply instances of the high and lofty station, and the vast importance of the Chuzzlewits,

at different periods. If it came within the scope of reasonable probability that further proofs were required,

they might be heaped upon each other until they formed an Alps of testimony, beneath which the boldest

scepticism should be crushed and beaten flat. As a goodly tumulus is already collected, and decently battened

up above the Family grave, the present chapter is content to leave it as it is: merely adding, by way of a final

spadeful, that many Chuzzlewits, both male and female, are proved to demonstration, on the faith of letters

written by their own mothers, to have had chiselled noses, undeniable chins, forms that might have served the

sculptor for a model, exquisitelyturned limbs and polished foreheads of so transparent a texture that the blue

veins might be seen branching off in various directions, like so many roads on an ethereal map. This fact in

itself, though it had been a solitary one, would have utterly settled and clenched the business in hand; for it is

well known, on the authority of all the books which treat of such matters, that every one of these phenomena,

but especially that of the chiselling, are invariably peculiar to, and only make themselves apparent in, persons

This history having, to its own perfect satisfaction, (and, consequently, to the full contentment of all its

readers,) proved the Chuzzlewits to have had an origin, and to have been at one time or other of an

importance which cannot fail to render them highly improving and acceptable acquaintance to all

rightminded individuals, may now proceed in earnest with its task. And having shown that they must have

had, by reason of their ancient birth, a pretty large share in the foundation and increase of the human family,

it will one day become its province to submit, that such of its members as shall be introduced in these pages,

have still many counterparts and prototypes in the Great World about us. At present it contents itself with

remarking, in a general way, on this head: Firstly, that it may be safely asserted, and yet without implying

any direct participation in the Manboddo doctrine touching the probability of the human race having once

been monkeys, that men do play very strange and extraordinary tricks. Secondly, and yet without trenching

on the Blumenbach theory as to the descendants of Adam having a vast number of qualities which belong

more particularly to swine than to any other class of animals in the creation, that some men certainly are

It was pretty late in the autumn of the year, when the declining sun struggling through the mist which had

obscured it all day, looked brightly down upon a little Wiltshire village, within an easy journey of the fair old

Like a sudden flash of memory or spirit kindling up the mind of an old man, it shed a glory upon the scene, in

which its departed youth and freshness seemed to live again. The wet grass sparkled in the light; the scanty

patches of verdure in the hedgeswhere a few green twigs yet stood together bravely, resisting to the last the

tyranny of nipping winds and early froststook heart and brightened up; the stream which had been dull and

sullen all day long, broke out into a cheerful smile; the birds began to chirp and twitter on the naked boughs,

as though the hopeful creatures half believed that winter had gone by, and spring had come already. The vane

upon the tapering spire of the old church glistened from its lofty station in sympathy with the general

gladness; and from the ivyshaded windows such gleams of light shone back upon the glowing sky, that it

seemed as if the quiet buildings were the hoardingplace of twenty summers, and all their ruddiness and

Even those tokens of the season which emphatically whispered of the coming winter, graced the landscape,

and, for the moment, tinged its livelier features with no oppressive air of sadness. The fallen leaves, with

which the ground was strewn, gave forth a pleasant fragrance, and subduing all harsh sounds of distant feet

and wheels created a repose in gentle unison with the light scattering of seed hither and thither by the distant

husbandman, and with the noiseless passage of the plough as it turned up the rich brown earth, and wrought a

graceful pattern in the stubbled fields. On the motionless branches of some trees, autumn berries hung like

clusters of coral beads, as in those fabled orchards where the fruits were jewels; others stripped of all their

garniture, stood, each the centre of its little heap of bright red leaves, watching their slow decay; others again,

still wearing theirs, had them all crunched and crackled up, as though they had been burnt; about the stems of

some were piled, in ruddy mounds, the apples they had borne that year; while others (hardy evergreens this

class) showed somewhat stern and gloomy in their vigour, as charged by nature with the admonition that it is

not to her more sensitive and joyous favourites she grants the longest term of life. Still athwart their darker

boughs, the sunbeams struck out paths of deeper gold; and the red light, mantling in among their swarthy

branches, used them as foils to set its brightness off, and aid the lustre of the dying day.

A moment, and its glory was no more. The sun went down beneath the long dark lines of hill and cloud

which piled up in the west an airy city, wall heaped on wall, and battlement on battlement; the light was all

withdrawn; the shining church turned cold and dark; the stream forgot to smile; the birds were silent; and the

An evening wind uprose too, and the slighter branches cracked and rattled as they moved, in skeleton dances,

to its moaning music. The withering leaves no longer quiet, hurried to and fro in search of shelter from its

chill pursuit; the labourer unyoked his horses, and with head bent down, trudged briskly home beside them;

and from the cottage windows lights began to glance and wink upon the darkening fields.

Then the village forge came out in all its bright importance. The lusty bellows roared Ha ha! to the clear fire,

which roared in turn, and bade the shining sparks dance gayly to the merry clinking of the hammers on the

anvil. The gleaming iron, in its emulation, sparkled too, and shed its redhot gems around profusely. The

strong smith and his men dealt such strokes upon their work, as made even the melancholy night rejoice, and

brought a glow into its dark face as it hovered about the door and windows, peeping curiously in above the

shoulders of a dozen loungers. As to this idle company, there they stood, spellbound by the place, and,

casting now and then a glance upon the darkness in their rear, settled their lazy elbows more at ease upon the

sill, and leaned a little further in: no more disposed to tear themselves away than if they had been born to

Out upon the angry wind! how from sighing, it began to bluster round the merry forge, banging at the wicket,

and grumbling in the chimney, as if it bullied the jolly bellows for doing anything to order. And what an

impotent swaggerer it was too, for all its noise; for if it had any influence on that hoarse companion, it was

but to make him roar his cheerful song the louder, and by consequence to make the fire burn the brighter, and

the sparks to dance more gayly yet; at length, they whizzed so madly round and round, that it was too much

for such a surly wind to bear; so off it flew with a howl giving the old sign before the alehouse door such a

cuff as it went, that the Blue Dragon was more rampant than usual ever afterwards, and indeed, before

It was small tyranny for a respectable wind to go wreaking its vengeance on such poor creatures as the fallen

leaves, but this wind happening to come up with a great heap of them just after venting its humour on the

insulted Dragon, did so disperse and scatter them that they fled away, pellmell, some here, some there,

rolling over each other, whirling round and round upon their thin edges, taking frantic flights into the air, and

playing all manner of extraordinary gambols in the extremity of their distress. Nor was this enough for its

malicious fury; for not content with driving them abroad, it charged small parties of them and hunted them

into the wheel wright's sawpit, and below the planks and timbers in the yard, and, scattering the sawdust in

the air, it looked for them underneath, and when it did meet with any, whew! how it drove them on and

The scared leaves only flew the faster for all this, and a giddy chase it was; for they got into unfrequented

places, where there was no outlet, and where their pursuer kept them eddying round and round at his

pleasure; and they crept under the eaves of houses, and clung tightly to the sides of hayricks, like bats; and

tore in at open chamber windows, and cowered close to hedges; and, in short, went anywhere for safety. But

the oddest feat they achieved was, to take advantage of the sudden opening of Mr Pecksniff's frontdoor, to

dash wildly into his passage; whither the wind following close upon them, and finding the backdoor open,

incontinently blew out the lighted candle held by Miss Pecksniff, and slammed the frontdoor against Mr

Pecksniff who was at that moment entering, with such violence, that in the twinkling of an eye he lay on his

back at the bottom of the steps. Being by this time weary of such trifling performances, the boisterous rover

hurried away rejoicing, roaring over moor and meadow, hill and flat, until it got out to sea, where it met with

In the meantime Mr Pecksniff, having received from a sharp angle in the bottom step but one, that sort of

knock on the head which lights up, for the patient's entertainment, an imaginary general illumination of very

bright shortsixes, lay placidly staring at his own street door. And it would seem to have been more

suggestive in its aspect than street doors usually are; for he continued to lie there, rather a lengthy and

unreasonable time, without so much as wondering whether he was hurt or no; neither, when Miss Pecksniff

inquired through the keyhole in a shrill voice, which might have belonged to a wind in its teens, 'Who's

there' did he make any reply; nor, when Miss Pecksniff opened the door again, and shading the candle with

her hand, peered out, and looked provokingly round him, and about him, and over him, and everywhere but at

him, did he offer any remark, or indicate in any manner the least hint of a desire to be picked up.

'I see you,' cried Miss Pecksniff, to the ideal inflicter of a runaway knock. 'You'll catch it, sir!'

'You're round the corner now,' cried Miss Pecksniff. She said it at a venture, but there was appropriate matter

in it too; for Mr Pecksniff, being in the act of extinguishing the candles before mentioned pretty rapidly, and

of reducing the number of brass knobs on his street door from four or five hundred (which had previously

been juggling of their own accord before his eyes in a very novel manner) to a dozen or so, might in one

With a sharply delivered warning relative to the cage and the constable, and the stocks and the gallows, Miss

Pecksniff was about to close the door again, when Mr Pecksniff (being still at the bottom of the steps) raised

At this exclamation, another Miss Pecksniff bounced out of the parlour; and the two Miss Pecksniffs, with

'Pa!' they cried in concert. 'Pa! Speak, Pa! Do not look so wild my dearest Pa!'

But as a gentleman's looks, in such a case of all others, are by no means under his own control, Mr Pecksniff

continued to keep his mouth and his eyes very wide open, and to drop his lower jaw, somewhat after the

manner of a toy nutcracker; and as his hat had fallen off, and his face was pale, and his hair erect, and his

coat muddy, the spectacle he presented was so very doleful, that neither of the Miss Pecksniffs could repress

With these joyful words they kissed Mr Pecksniff on either cheek; and bore him into the house. Presently, the

youngest Miss Pecksniff ran out again to pick up his hat, his brown paper parcel, his umbrella, his gloves,

and other small articles; and that done, and the door closed, both young ladies applied themselves to tending

They were not very serious in their nature; being limited to abrasions on what the eldest Miss Pecksniff called

'the knobby parts' of her parent's anatomy, such as his knees and elbows, and to the development of an

entirely new organ, unknown to phrenologists, on the back of his head. These injuries having been comforted

externally, with patches of pickled brown paper, and Mr Pecksniff having been comforted internally, with

some stiff brandyandwater, the eldest Miss Pecksniff sat down to make the tea, which was all ready. In the

meantime the youngest Miss Pecksniff brought from the kitchen a smoking dish of ham and eggs, and, setting

the same before her father, took up her station on a low stool at his feet; thereby bringing her eyes on a level

It must not be inferred from this position of humility, that the youngest Miss Pecksniff was so young as to be,

as one may say, forced to sit upon a stool, by reason of the shortness of her legs. Miss Pecksniff sat upon a

stool because of her simplicity and innocence, which were very great, very great. Miss Pecksniff sat upon a

stool because she was all girlishness, and playfulness, and wildness, and kittenish buoyancy. She was the

most arch and at the same time the most artless creature, was the youngest Miss Pecksniff, that you can

possibly imagine. It was her great charm. She was too fresh and guileless, and too full of childlike vivacity,

was the youngest Miss Pecksniff, to wear combs in her hair, or to turn it up, or to frizzle it, or braid it. She

wore it in a crop, a loosely flowing crop, which had so many rows of curls in it, that the top row was only one

curl. Moderately buxom was her shape, and quite womanly too; but sometimesyes, sometimesshe even

wore a pinafore; and how charming THAT was! Oh! she was indeed 'a gushing thing' (as a young gentleman

had observed in verse, in the Poet's Corner of a provincial newspaper), was the youngest Miss Pecksniff!

Mr Pecksniff was a moral mana grave man, a man of noble sentiments and speechand he had had her

christened Mercy. Mercy! oh, what a charming name for such a puresouled Being as the youngest Miss

Pecksniff! Her sister's name was Charity. There was a good thing! Mercy and Charity! And Charity, with her

fine strong sense and her mild, yet not reproachful gravity, was so well named, and did so well set off and

illustrate her sister! What a pleasant sight was that the contrast they presented; to see each loved and loving

one sympathizing with, and devoted to, and leaning on, and yet correcting and counterchecking, and, as it

were, antidoting, the other! To behold each damsel in her very admiration of her sister, setting up in business

for herself on an entirely different principle, and announcing no connection with overtheway, and if the

quality of goods at that establishment don't please you, you are respectfully invited to favour ME with a call!

And the crowning circumstance of the whole delightful catalogue was, that both the fair creatures were so

utterly unconscious of all this! They had no idea of it. They no more thought or dreamed of it than Mr

Pecksniff did. Nature played them off against each other; THEY had no hand in it, the two Miss Pecksniffs.

It has been remarked that Mr Pecksniff was a moral man. So he was. Perhaps there never was a more moral

man than Mr Pecksniff, especially in his conversation and correspondence. It was once said of him by a

homely admirer, that he had a Fortunatus's purse of good sentiments in his inside. In this particular he was

like the girl in the fairy tale, except that if they were not actual diamonds which fell from his lips, they were

the very brightest paste, and shone prodigiously. He was a most exemplary man; fuller of virtuous precept

than a copy book. Some people likened him to a direction post, which is always telling the way to a place,

and never goes there; but these were his enemies, the shadows cast by his brightness; that was all. His very

throat was moral. You saw a good deal of it. You looked over a very low fence of white cravat (whereof no

man had ever beheld the tie for he fastened it behind), and there it lay, a valley between two jutting heights of

collar, serene and whiskerless before you. It seemed to say, on the part of Mr Pecksniff, 'There is no

deception, ladies and gentlemen, all is peace, a holy calm pervades me.' So did his hair, just grizzled with an

irongrey which was all brushed off his forehead, and stood bolt upright, or slightly drooped in kindred

action with his heavy eyelids. So did his person, which was sleek though free from corpulency. So did his

manner, which was soft and oily. In a word, even his plain black suit, and state of widower and dangling

double eyeglass, all tended to the same purpose, and cried aloud, 'Behold the moral Pecksniff!'

The brazen plate upon the door (which being Mr Pecksniff's, could not lie) bore this inscription,

'PECKSNIFF, ARCHITECT,' to which Mr Pecksniff, on his cards of business, added, AND LAND

SURVEYOR.' In one sense, and only one, he may be said to have been a Land Surveyor on a pretty large

scale, as an extensive prospect lay stretched out before the windows of his house. Of his architectural doings,

nothing was clearly known, except that he had never designed or built anything; but it was generally

understood that his knowledge of the science was almost awful in its profundity.

Mr Pecksniff's professional engagements, indeed, were almost, if not entirely, confined to the reception of

pupils; for the collection of rents, with which pursuit he occasionally varied and relieved his graver toils, can

hardly be said to be a strictly architectural employment. His genius lay in ensnaring parents and guardians,

and pocketing premiums. A young gentleman's premium being paid, and the young gentleman come to Mr

Pecksniff's house, Mr Pecksniff borrowed his case of mathematical instruments (if silvermounted or

otherwise valuable); entreated him, from that moment, to consider himself one of the family; complimented

him highly on his parents or guardians, as the case might be; and turned him loose in a spacious room on the

twopair front; where, in the company of certain drawingboards, parallel rulers, very stifflegged

compasses, and two, or perhaps three, other young gentlemen, he improved himself, for three or five years,

according to his articles, in making elevations of Salisbury Cathedral from every possible point of sight; and

in constructing in the air a vast quantity of Castles, Houses of Parliament, and other Public Buildings.

Perhaps in no place in the world were so many gorgeous edifices of this class erected as under Mr Pecksniff's

auspices; and if but onetwentieth part of the churches which were built in that front room, with one or other

of the Miss Pecksniffs at the altar in the act of marrying the architect, could only be made available by the

parliamentary commissioners, no more churches would be wanted for at least five centuries.

'Even the worldly goods of which we have just disposed,' said Mr Pecksniff, glancing round the table when

'And eggs,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'even they have their moral. See how they come and go! Every pleasure is

transitory. We can't even eat, long. If we indulge in harmless fluids, we get the dropsy; if in exciting liquids,

'When I say we, my dear,' returned her father, 'I mean mankind in general; the human race, considered as a

body, and not as individuals. There is nothing personal in morality, my love. Even such a thing as this,' said

Mr Pecksniff, laying the forefinger of his left hand upon the brown paper patch on the top of his head, 'slight

casual baldness though it be, reminds us that we are but' he was going to say 'worms,' but recollecting that

'Which,' cried Mr Pecksniff after a pause, during which he seemed to have been casting about for a new

moral, and not quite successfully, 'which is also very soothing. Mercy, my dear, stir the fire and throw up the

The young lady obeyed, and having done so, resumed her stool, reposed one arm upon her father's knee, and

laid her blooming cheek upon it. Miss Charity drew her chair nearer the fire, as one prepared for

'Yes,' said Mr Pecksniff, after a short pause, during which he had been silently smiling, and shaking his head

at the fire'I have again been fortunate in the attainment of my object. A new inmate will very shortly come

'Yees, a youth,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'He will avail himself of the eligible opportunity which now offers, for

uniting the advantages of the best practical architectural education with the comforts of a home, and the

constant association with some who (however humble their sphere, and limited their capacity) are not

'Playfulplayful warbler,' said Mr Pecksniff. It may be observed in connection with his calling his daughter

a 'warbler,' that she was not at all vocal, but that Mr Pecksniff was in the frequent habit of using any word

that occurred to him as having a good sound, and rounding a sentence well without much care for its

meaning. And he did this so boldly, and in such an imposing manner, that he would sometimes stagger the

His enemies asserted, by the way, that a strong trustfulness in sounds and forms was the masterkey to Mr

'Silly Merry!' said the eldest: Merry being fond for Mercy. 'What is the premium, Pa? tell us that.'

'Oh, good gracious, Cherry!' cried Miss Mercy, holding up her hands with the most winning giggle in the

world, 'what a mercenary girl you are! oh you naughty, thoughtful, prudent thing!'

It was perfectly charming, and worthy of the Pastoral age, to see how the two Miss Pecksniffs slapped each

other after this, and then subsided into an embrace expressive of their different dispositions.

'He is well looking,' said Mr Pecksniff, slowly and distinctly; 'well looking enough. I do not positively expect

Notwithstanding their different natures, both Charity and Mercy concurred in opening their eyes

uncommonly wide at this announcement, and in looking for the moment as blank as if their thoughts had

'But what of that!' said Mr Pecksniff, still smiling at the fire. 'There is disinterestedness in the world, I hope?

We are not all arrayed in two opposite ranks; the OFfensive and the DEfensive. Some few there are who walk

between; who help the needy as they go; and take no part with either side. Umph!'

There was something in these morsels of philanthropy which reassured the sisters. They exchanged glances,

'Oh! let us not be for ever calculating, devising, and plotting for the future,' said Mr Pecksniff, smiling more

and more, and looking at the fire as a man might, who was cracking a joke with it: 'I am weary of such arts. If

our inclinations are but good and open hearted, let us gratify them boldly, though they bring upon us Loss

Glancing towards his daughters for the first time since he had begun these reflections, and seeing that they

both smiled, Mr Pecksniff eyed them for an instant so jocosely (though still with a kind of saintly

waggishness) that the younger one was moved to sit upon his knee forthwith, put her fair arms round his

neck, and kiss him twenty times. During the whole of this affectionate display she laughed to a most

immoderate extent: in which hilarious indulgence even the prudent Cherry joined.

'Tut, tut,' said Mr Pecksniff, pushing his latestborn away and running his fingers through his hair, as he

resumed his tranquil face. 'What folly is this! Let us take heed how we laugh without reason lest we cry with

'And why not?' returned her father. 'His term expired yesterday. And his box was packed, I know; for I saw it,

'He slept last night at the Dragon,' returned the young lady, 'and had Mr Pinch to dine with him. They spent

'And when I saw him on the stairs this morning, Pa,' said Mercy with her usual sprightliness, 'he looked, oh

goodness, SUCH a monster! with his face all manner of colours, and his eyes as dull as if they had been

boiled, and his head aching dreadfully, I am sure from the look of it, and his clothes smelling, oh it's

impossible to say how strong, oh'here the young lady shuddered'of smoke and punch.'

'Now I think,' said Mr Pecksniff with his accustomed gentleness, though still with the air of one who suffered

under injury without complaint, 'I think Mr Pinch might have done better than choose for his companion one

who, at the close of a long intercourse, had endeavoured, as he knew, to wound my feelings. I am not quite

sure that this was delicate in Mr Pinch. I am not quite sure that this was kind in Mr Pinch. I will go further

and say, I am not quite sure that this was even ordinarily grateful in Mr Pinch.'

'But what can anyone expect from Mr Pinch!' cried Charity, with as strong and scornful an emphasis on the

name as if it would have given her unspeakable pleasure to express it, in an acted charade, on the calf of that

'Aye, aye,' returned her father, raising his hand mildly: 'it is very well to say what can we expect from Mr

Pinch, but Mr Pinch is a fellowcreature, my dear; Mr Pinch is an item in the vast total of humanity, my love;

and we have a right, it is our duty, to expect in Mr Pinch some development of those better qualities, the

possession of which in our own persons inspires our humble selfrespect. No,' continued Mr Pecksniff. 'No!

Heaven forbid that I should say, nothing can be expected from Mr Pinch; or that I should say, nothing can be

expected from any man alive (even the most degraded, which Mr Pinch is not, no, really); but Mr Pinch has

disappointed me; he has hurt me; I think a little the worse of him on this account, but not if human nature.

'Hark!' said Miss Charity, holding up her finger, as a gentle rap was heard at the street door. 'There is the

creature! Now mark my words, he has come back with John Westlock for his box, and is going to help him to

Even as she spoke, the box appeared to be in progress of conveyance from the house, but after a brief

murmuring of question and answer, it was put down again, and somebody knocked at the parlour door.

An ungainly, awkwardlooking man, extremely shortsighted, and prematurely bald, availed himself of this

permission; and seeing that Mr Pecksniff sat with his back towards him, gazing at the fire, stood hesitating,

with the door in his hand. He was far from handsome certainly; and was drest in a snuffcoloured suit, of an

uncouth make at the best, which, being shrunk with long wear, was twisted and tortured into all kinds of odd

shapes; but notwithstanding his attire, and his clumsy figure, which a great stoop in his shoulders, and a

ludicrous habit he had of thrusting his head forward, by no means redeemed, one would not have been

disposed (unless Mr Pecksniff said so) to consider him a bad fellow by any means. He was perhaps about

thirty, but he might have been almost any age between sixteen and sixty; being one of those strange creatures

who never decline into an ancient appearance, but look their oldest when they are very young, and get it over

Keeping his hand upon the lock of the door, he glanced from Mr Pecksniff to Mercy, from Mercy to Charity,

and from Charity to Mr Pecksniff again, several times; but the young ladies being as intent upon the fire as

their father was, and neither of the three taking any notice of him, he was fain to say, at last,

'No intrusion, Mr Pinch,' said that gentleman very sweetly, but without looking round. 'Pray be seated, Mr

'Certainly, sir,' said Pinch; not doing so, however, but holding it rather wider open than before, and beckoning

nervously to somebody without: 'Mr Westlock, sir, hearing that you were come home'

'Mr Pinch, Mr Pinch!' said Pecksniff, wheeling his chair about, and looking at him with an aspect of the

deepest melancholy, 'I did not expect this from you. I have not deserved this from you!'

'The less you say, Mr Pinch,' interposed the other, 'the better. I utter no complaint. Make no defence.'

'No, but do have the goodness, sir,' cried Pinch, with great earnestness, 'if you please. Mr Westlock, sir, going

away for good and all, wishes to leave none but friends behind him. Mr Westlock and you, sir, had a little

'My loves!' said Mr Pecksniff, with the same serene upraising of his hand; 'My dears!' After a solemn pause

he meekly bowed to Mr Pinch, as who should say, 'Proceed;' but Mr Pinch was so very much at a loss how to

resume, and looked so helplessly at the two Miss Pecksniffs, that the conversation would most probably have

terminated there, if a goodlooking youth, newly arrived at man's estate, had not stepped forward from the

'Come, Mr Pecksniff,' he said, with a smile, 'don't let there be any illblood between us, pray. I am sorry we

have ever differed, and extremely sorry I have ever given you offence. Bear me no illwill at parting, sir.'

'I told you he didn't,' said Pinch, in an undertone; 'I knew he didn't! He always says he don't.'

'Then you will shake hands, sir?' cried Westlock, advancing a step or two, and bespeaking Mr Pinch's close

'No, John,' said Mr Pecksniff, with a calmness quite ethereal; 'no, I will not shake hands, John. I have

forgiven you. I had already forgiven you, even before you ceased to reproach and taunt me. I have embraced

'Pinch,' said the youth, turning towards him, with a hearty disgust of his late master, 'what did I tell you?'

Poor Pinch looked down uneasily at Mr Pecksniff, whose eye was fixed upon him as it had been from the

'As to your forgiveness, Mr Pecksniff,' said the youth, 'I'll not have it upon such terms. I won't be forgiven.'

'Won't you, John?' retorted Mr Pecksniff, with a smile. 'You must. You can't help it. Forgiveness is a high

quality; an exalted virtue; far above YOUR control or influence, John. I WILL forgive you. You cannot move

'Wrong!' cried the other, with all the heat and impetuosity of his age. 'Here's a pretty fellow! Wrong! Wrong I

have done him! He'll not even remember the five hundred pounds he had with me under false pretences; or

the seventy pounds a year for board and lodging that would have been dear at seventeen! Here's a martyr!'

'Money, John,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'is the root of all evil. I grieve to see that it is already bearing evil fruit in

you. But I will not remember its existence. I will not even remember the conduct of that misguided

person'and here, although he spoke like one at peace with all the world, he used an emphasis that plainly

said "I have my eye upon the rascal now"'that misguided person who has brought you here tonight,

seeking to disturb (it is a happiness to say, in vain) the heart's repose and peace of one who would have shed

The voice of Mr Pecksniff trembled as he spoke, and sobs were heard from his daughters. Sounds floated on

the air, moreover, as if two spirit voices had exclaimed: one, 'Beast!' the other, 'Savage!'

'Forgiveness,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'entire and pure forgiveness is not incompatible with a wounded heart;

perchance when the heart is wounded, it becomes a greater virtue. With my breast still wrung and grieved to

its inmost core by the ingratitude of that person, I am proud and glad to say that I forgive him. Nay! I beg,'

cried Mr Pecksniff, raising his voice, as Pinch appeared about to speak, 'I beg that individual not to offer a

remark; he will truly oblige me by not uttering one word, just now. I am not sure that I am equal to the trial.

In a very short space of time, I shall have sufficient fortitude, I trust to converse with him as if these events

had never happened. But not,' said Mr Pecksniff, turning round again towards the fire, and waving his hand in

'Bah!' cried John Westlock, with the utmost disgust and disdain the monosyllable is capable of expressing.

'Ladies, good evening. Come, Pinch, it's not worth thinking of. I was right and you were wrong. That's small

So saying, he clapped that dejected companion on the shoulder, turned upon his heel, and walked out into the

passage, whither poor Mr Pinch, after lingering irresolutely in the parlour for a few seconds, expressing in his

countenance the deepest mental misery and gloom followed him. Then they took up the box between them,

That fleet conveyance passed, every night, the corner of a lane at some distance; towards which point they

bent their steps. For some minutes they walked along in silence, until at length young Westlock burst into a

loud laugh, and at intervals into another, and another. Still there was no response from his companion.

'I'll tell you what, Pinch!' he said abruptly, after another lengthened silence'You haven't half enough of the

'Well!' said Pinch with a sigh, 'I don't know, I'm sure. It's compliment to say so. If I haven't, I suppose, I'm all

'All the better!' repeated his companion tartly: 'All the worse, you mean to say.'

'And yet,' said Pinch, pursuing his own thoughts and not this last remark on the part of his friend, 'I must have

a good deal of what you call the devil in me, too, or how could I make Pecksniff so uncomfortable? I

wouldn't have occasioned him so much distress don't laugh, pleasefor a mine of money; and Heaven

'Why didn't you observe that the tears were almost starting out of his eyes!' cried Pinch. 'Bless my soul, John,

is it nothing to see a man moved to that extent and know one's self to be the cause! And did you hear him say

'Do you WANT any blood shed for you?' returned his friend, with considerable irritation. 'Does he shed

anything for you that you DO want? Does he shed employment for you, instruction for you, pocket money for

you? Does he shed even legs of mutton for you in any decent proportion to potatoes and garden stuff?'

'I am afraid,' said Pinch, sighing again, 'that I am a great eater; I can't disguise from myself that I'm a great

'You a great eater!' retorted his companion, with no less indignation than before. 'How do you know you are?'

There appeared to be forcible matter in this inquiry, for Mr Pinch only repeated in an undertone that he had a

'Besides, whether I am or no,' he added, 'that has little or nothing to do with his thinking me ungrateful. John,

there is scarcely a sin in the world that is in my eyes such a crying one as ingratitude; and when he taxes me

with that, and believes me to be guilty of it, he makes me miserable and wretched.'

'Do you think he don't know that?' returned the other scornfully. 'But come, Pinch, before I say anything more

to you, just run over the reasons you have for being grateful to him at all, will you? Change hands first, for

'In the first place,' said Pinch, 'he took me as his pupil for much less than he asked.'

'Well,' rejoined his friend, perfectly unmoved by this instance of generosity. 'What in the second place?'

'What in the second place?' cried Pinch, in a sort of desperation, 'why, everything in the second place. My

poor old grandmother died happy to think that she had put me with such an excellent man. I have grown up in

his house, I am in his confidence, I am his assistant, he allows me a salary; when his business improves, my

prospects are to improve too. All this, and a great deal more, is in the second place. And in the very prologue

and preface to the first place, John, you must consider this, which nobody knows better than I: that I was born

for much plainer and poorer things, that I am not a good hand for his kind of business, and have no talent for

it, or indeed for anything else but odds and ends that are of no use or service to anybody.'

He said this with so much earnestness, and in a tone so full of feeling, that his companion instinctively

changed his manner as he sat down on the box (they had by this time reached the fingerpost at the end of the

lane); motioned him to sit down beside him; and laid his hand upon his shoulder.

'Not at all,' rejoined Tom. 'If you only knew Pecksniff as well as I do, you might say it of him, indeed, and

'I'll say anything of him, you like,' returned the other, 'and not another word to his disparagement.'

'It's for my sake, then; not his, I am afraid,' said Pinch, shaking his head gravely.

'For whose you please, Tom, so that it does please you. Oh! He's a famous fellow! HE never scraped and

clawed into his pouch all your poor grandmother's hard savingsshe was a housekeeper, wasn't she, Tom?'

'Yes,' said Mr Pinch, nursing one of his large knees, and nodding his head; 'a gentleman's housekeeper.'

'HE never scraped and clawed into his pouch all her hard savings; dazzling her with prospects of your

happiness and advancement, which he knew (and no man better) never would be realised! HE never

speculated and traded on her pride in you, and her having educated you, and on her desire that you at least

'No,' said Tom, looking into his friend's face, as if he were a little doubtful of his meaning. 'Of course not.'

'So I say,' returned the youth, 'of course he never did. HE didn't take less than he had asked, because that less

was all she had, and more than he expected; not he, Tom! He doesn't keep you as his assistant because you

are of any use to him; because your wonderful faith in his pretensions is of inestimable service in all his mean

disputes; because your honesty reflects honesty on him; because your wandering about this little place all

your spare hours, reading in ancient books and foreign tongues, gets noised abroad, even as far as Salisbury,

making of him, Pecksniff the master, a man of learning and of vast importance. HE gets no credit from you,

'Why, of course he don't,' said Pinch, gazing at his friend with a more troubled aspect than before. 'Pecksniff

'Don't I say that it's ridiculous,' rejoined the other, 'even to think of such a thing?'

'Madness!' returned young Westlock. 'Certainly it's madness. Who but a madman would suppose he cares to

hear it said on Sundays, that the volunteer who plays the organ in the church, and practises on summer

evenings in the dark, is Mr Pecksniff's young man, eh, Tom? Who but a madman would suppose it is the

game of such a man as he, to have his name in everybody's mouth, connected with the thousand useless odds

and ends you do (and which, of course, he taught you), eh, Tom? Who but a madman would suppose you

advertised him hereabouts, much cheaper and much better than a chalker on the walls could, eh, Tom? As

well might one suppose that he doesn't on all occasions pour out his whole heart and soul to you; that he

doesn't make you a very liberal and indeed rather an extravagant allowance; or, to be more wild and

monstrous still, if that be possible, as well might one suppose,' and here, at every word, he struck him lightly

on the breast, 'that Pecksniff traded in your nature, and that your nature was to be timid and distrustful of

yourself, and trustful of all other men, but most of all, of him who least deserves it. There would be madness,

Mr Pinch had listened to all this with looks of bewilderment, which seemed to be in part occasioned by the

matter of his companion's speech, and in part by his rapid and vehement manner. Now that he had come to a

close, he drew a very long breath; and gazing wistfully in his face as if he were unable to settle in his own

mind what expression it wore, and were desirous to draw from it as good a clue to his real meaning as it was

possible to obtain in the dark, was about to answer, when the sound of the mail guard's horn came cheerily

upon their ears, putting an immediate end to the conference; greatly as it seemed to the satisfaction of the

'Yes,' said Pinch. 'Yes. Do, please. Goodbye. Goodbye. I can hardly believe you're going. It seems, now,

John Westlock returned his parting words with no less heartiness of manner, and sprung up to his seat upon

the roof. Off went the mail at a canter down the dark road; the lamps gleaming brightly, and the horn

'Go your ways,' said Pinch, apostrophizing the coach; 'I can hardly persuade myself but you're alive, and are

some great monster who visits this place at certain intervals, to bear my friends away into the world. You're

more exulting and rampant than usual tonight, I think; and you may well crow over your prize; for he is a fine

lad, an ingenuous lad, and has but one fault that I know of; he don't mean it, but he is most cruelly unjust to

Mention has been already made more than once, of a certain Dragon who swung and creaked complainingly

before the village alehouse door. A faded, and an ancient dragon he was; and many a wintry storm of rain,

snow, sleet, and hail, had changed his colour from a gaudy blue to a faint lacklustre shade of grey. But there

he hung; rearing, in a state of monstrous imbecility, on his hind legs; waxing, with every month that passed,

so much more dim and shapeless, that as you gazed at him on one side of the signboard it seemed as if he

He was a courteous and considerate dragon, too; or had been in his distincter days; for in the midst of his

rampant feebleness, he kept one of his forepaws near his nose, as though he would say, 'Don't mind meit's

only my fun;' while he held out the other in polite and hospitable entreaty. Indeed it must be conceded to the

whole brood of dragons of modern times, that they have made a great advance in civilisation and refinement.

They no longer demand a beautiful virgin for breakfast every morning, with as much regularity as any tame

single gentleman expects his hot roll, but rest content with the society of idle bachelors and roving married

men; and they are now remarkable rather for holding aloof from the softer sex and discouraging their visits

(especially on Saturday nights), than for rudely insisting on their company without any reference to their

Nor is this tribute to the reclaimed animals in question so wide a digression into the realms of Natural History

as it may, at first sight, appear to be; for the present business of these pages in with the dragon who had his

retreat in Mr Pecksniff's neighbourhood, and that courteous animal being already on the carpet, there is

For many years, then, he had swung and creaked, and flapped himself about, before the two windows of the

best bedroom of that house of entertainment to which he lent his name; but never in all his swinging,

creaking, and flapping, had there been such a stir within its dingy precincts, as on the evening next after that

upon which the incidents, detailed in the last chapter occurred; when there was such a hurrying up and down

stairs of feet, such a glancing of lights, such a whispering of voices, such a smoking and sputtering of wood

newly lighted in a damp chimney, such an airing of linen, such a scorching smell of hot warmingpans, such

a domestic bustle and todo, in short, as never dragon, griffin, unicorn, or other animal of that species

presided over, since they first began to interest themselves in household affairs.

An old gentleman and a young lady, travelling, unattended, in a rusty old chariot with posthorses; coming

nobody knew whence and going nobody knew whither; had turned out of the high road, and driven

unexpectedly to the Blue Dragon; and here was the old gentleman, who had taken this step by reason of his

sudden illness in the carriage, suffering the most horrible cramps and spasms, yet protesting and vowing in

the very midst of his pain, that he wouldn't have a doctor sent for, and wouldn't take any remedies but those

which the young lady administered from a small medicinechest, and wouldn't, in a word, do anything but

terrify the landlady out of her five wits, and obstinately refuse compliance with every suggestion that was

Of all the five hundred proposals for his relief which the good woman poured out in less than half an hour, he

would entertain but one. That was that he should go to bed. And it was in the preparation of his bed and the

arrangement of his chamber, that all the stir was made in the room behind the Dragon.

He was, beyond all question, very ill, and suffered exceedingly; not the less, perhaps, because he was a strong

and vigorous old man, with a will of iron, and a voice of brass. But neither the apprehensions which he

plainly entertained, at times, for his life, nor the great pain he underwent, influenced his resolution in the least

degree. He would have no person sent for. The worse he grew, the more rigid and inflexible he became in his

determination. If they sent for any person to attend him, man, woman, or child, he would leave the house

directly (so he told them), though he quitted it on foot, and died upon the threshold of the door.

Now, there being no medical practitioner actually resident in the village, but a poor apothecary who was also

a grocer and general dealer, the landlady had, upon her own responsibility, sent for him, in the very first burst

and outset of the disaster. Of course it followed, as a necessary result of his being wanted, that he was not at

home. He had gone some miles away, and was not expected home until late at night; so the landlady, being

by this time pretty well beside herself, dispatched the same messenger in all haste for Mr Pecksniff, as a

learned man who could bear a deal of responsibility, and a moral man who could administer a world of

comfort to a troubled mind. That her guest had need of some efficient services under the latter head was

obvious enough from the restless expressions, importing, however, rather a worldly than a spiritual anxiety,

From this lastmentioned secret errand, the messenger returned with no better news than from the first; Mr

Pecksniff was not at home. However, they got the patient into bed without him; and in the course of two

hours, he gradually became so far better that there were much longer intervals than at first between his terms

of suffering. By degrees, he ceased to suffer at all; though his exhaustion was occasionally so great that it

It was in one of his intervals of repose, when, looking round with great caution, and reaching uneasily out of

his nest of pillows, he endeavoured, with a strange air of secrecy and distrust, to make use of the writing

materials which he had ordered to be placed on a table beside him, that the young lady and the mistress of the

Blue Dragon found themselves sitting side by side before the fire in the sick chamber.

The mistress of the Blue Dragon was in outward appearance just what a landlady should be: broad, buxom,

comfortable, and good looking, with a face of clear red and white, which, by its jovial aspect, at once bore

testimony to her hearty participation in the good things of the larder and cellar, and to their thriving and

healthful influences. She was a widow, but years ago had passed through her state of weeds, and burst into

flower again; and in full bloom she had continued ever since; and in full bloom she was now; with roses on

her ample skirts, and roses on her bodice, roses in her cap, roses in her cheeks,aye, and roses, worth the

gathering too, on her lips, for that matter. She had still a bright black eye, and jet black hair; was comely,

dimpled, plump, and tight as a gooseberry; and though she was not exactly what the world calls young, you

may make an affidavit, on trust, before any mayor or magistrate in Christendom, that there are a great many

young ladies in the world (blessings on them one and all!) whom you wouldn't like half as well, or admire

As this fair matron sat beside the fire, she glanced occasionally with all the pride of ownership, about the

room; which was a large apartment, such as one may see in country places, with a low roof and a sunken

flooring, all downhill from the door, and a descent of two steps on the inside so exquisitely unexpected, that

strangers, despite the most elaborate cautioning, usually dived in head first, as into a plungingbath. It was

none of your frivolous and preposterously bright bedrooms, where nobody can close an eye with any kind of

propriety or decent regard to the association of ideas; but it was a good, dull, leaden, drowsy place, where

every article of furniture reminded you that you came there to sleep, and that you were expected to go to

sleep. There was no wakeful reflection of the fire there, as in your modern chambers, which upon the darkest

nights have a watchful consciousness of French polish; the old Spanish mahogany winked at it now and then,

as a dozing cat or dog might, nothing more. The very size and shape, and hopeless immovability of the

bedstead, and wardrobe, and in a minor degree of even the chairs and tables, provoked sleep; they were

plainly apoplectic and disposed to snore. There were no staring portraits to remonstrate with you for being

lazy; no roundeyed birds upon the curtains, disgustingly wide awake, and insufferably prying. The thick

neutral hangings, and the dark blinds, and the heavy heap of bedclothes, were all designed to hold in sleep,

and act as nonconductors to the day and getting up. Even the old stuffed fox upon the top of the wardrobe

was devoid of any spark of vigilance, for his glass eye had fallen out, and he slumbered as he stood.

The wandering attention of the mistress of the Blue Dragon roved to these things but twice or thrice, and then

for but an instant at a time. It soon deserted them, and even the distant bed with its strange burden, for the

young creature immediately before her, who, with her downcast eyes intently fixed upon the fire, sat wrapped

She was very young; apparently no more than seventeen; timid and shrinking in her manner, and yet with a

greater share of self possession and control over her emotions than usually belongs to a far more advanced

period of female life. This she had abundantly shown, but now, in her tending of the sick gentleman. She was

short in stature; and her figure was slight, as became her years; but all the charms of youth and maidenhood

set it off, and clustered on her gentle brow. Her face was very pale, in part no doubt from recent agitation.

Her dark brown hair, disordered from the same cause, had fallen negligently from its bonds, and hung upon

her neck; for which instance of its waywardness no male observer would have had the heart to blame it.

Her attire was that of a lady, but extremely plain; and in her manner, even when she sat as still as she did

then, there was an indefinable something which appeared to be in kindred with her scrupulously unpretending

dress. She had sat, at first looking anxiously towards the bed; but seeing that the patient remained quiet, and

was busy with his writing, she had softly moved her chair into its present place; partly, as it seemed, from an

instinctive consciousness that he desired to avoid observation; and partly that she might, unseen by him, give

Of all this, and much more, the rosy landlady of the Blue Dragon took as accurate note and observation as

only woman can take of woman. And at length she said, in a voice too low, she knew, to reach the bed:

'You have seen the gentleman in this way before, miss? Is he used to these attacks?'

'What a Providence!' said the landlady of the Dragon, 'that you had the prescriptions and the medicines with

'Oh!' thought the hostess, 'then we are in the habit of travelling, and of travelling together.'

She was so conscious of expressing this in her face, that meeting the young lady's eyes immediately

'The gentlemanyour grandpapa'she resumed, after a short pause, 'being so bent on having no assistance,

'Father, I should have said,' returned the hostess, sensible of having made an awkward mistake.

'Nor my father' said the young lady. 'Nor,' she added, slightly smiling with a quick perception of what the

'Oh dear me!' returned the landlady, still more embarrassed than before; 'how could I be so very much

mistaken; knowing, as anybody in their proper senses might that when a gentleman is ill, he looks so much

older than he really is? That I should have called you "Miss," too, ma'am!' But when she had proceeded thus

far, she glanced involuntarily at the third finger of the young lady's left hand, and faltered again; for there was

'When I told you we were not related,' said the other mildly, but not without confusion on her own part, 'I

'Call you?' cried the old man, looking quickly up, and hurriedly drawing beneath the coverlet the paper on

She had moved a pace or two towards the bed, but stopped immediately, and went no farther.

'No,' he repeated, with a petulant emphasis. 'Why do you ask me? If I had called you, what need for such a

'It was the creaking of the sign outside, sir, I dare say,' observed the landlady; a suggestion by the way (as she

felt a moment after she had made it), not at all complimentary to the voice of the old gentleman.

'No matter what, ma'am,' he rejoined: 'it wasn't I. Why how you stand there, Mary, as if I had the plague! But

they're all afraid of me,' he added, leaning helplessly backward on his pillow; 'even she! There is a curse upon

'Oh dear, no. Oh no, I'm sure,' said the goodtempered landlady, rising, and going towards him. 'Be of better

'What are only sick fancies?' he retorted. 'What do you know about fancies? Who told you about fancies? The

'Only see again there, how you take one up!' said the mistress of the Blue Dragon, with unimpaired good

humour. 'Dear heart alive, there is no harm in the word, sir, if it is an old one. Folks in good health have their

Harmless as this speech appeared to be, it acted on the traveller's distrust, like oil on fire. He raised his head

up in the bed, and, fixing on her two dark eyes whose brightness was exaggerated by the paleness of his

hollow cheeks, as they in turn, together with his straggling locks of long grey hair, were rendered whiter by

'Ah! you begin too soon,' he said, in so low a voice that he seemed to be thinking it, rather than addressing

her. 'But you lose no time. You do your errand, and you earn your fee. Now, who may be your client?'

The landlady looked in great astonishment at her whom he called Mary, and finding no rejoinder in the

drooping face, looked back again at him. At first she had recoiled involuntarily, supposing him disordered in

his mind; but the slow composure of his manner, and the settled purpose announced in his strong features,

'Come,' he said, 'tell me who is it? Being here, it is not very hard for me to guess, you may suppose.'

'Martin,' interposed the young lady, laying her hand upon his arm; 'reflect how short a time we have been in

'Unless,' he said, 'you' He was evidently tempted to express a suspicion of her having broken his

confidence in favour of the landlady, but either remembering her tender nursing, or being moved in some sort

by her face, he checked himself, and changing his uneasy posture in the bed, was silent.

'There!' said Mrs Lupin; for in that name the Blue Dragon was licensed to furnish entertainment, both to man

and beast. 'Now, you will be well again, sir. You forgot, for the moment, that there were none but friends

'Oh!' cried the old man, moaning impatiently, as he tossed one restless arm upon the coverlet; 'why do you

talk to me of friends! Can you or anybody teach me to know who are my friends, and who my enemies?'

'At least,' urged Mrs Lupin, gently, 'this young lady is your friend, I am sure.'

'She has no temptation to be otherwise,' cried the old man, like one whose hope and confidence were utterly

exhausted. 'I suppose she is. Heaven knows. There, let me try to sleep. Leave the candle where it is.'

As they retired from the bed, he drew forth the writing which had occupied him so long, and holding it in the

flame of the taper burnt it to ashes. That done, he extinguished the light, and turning his face away with a

This destruction of the paper, both as being strangely inconsistent with the labour he had devoted to it, and as

involving considerable danger of fire to the Dragon, occasioned Mrs Lupin not a little consternation. But the

young lady evincing no surprise, curiosity, or alarm, whispered her, with many thanks for her solicitude and

company, that she would remain there some time longer; and that she begged her not to share her watch, as

Mrs Lupin had her full share and dividend of that large capital of curiosity which is inherited by her sex, and

at another time it might have been difficult so to impress this hint upon her as to induce her to take it. But

now, in sheer wonder and amazement at these mysteries, she withdrew at once, and repairing straightway to

her own little parlour below stairs, sat down in her easychair with unnatural composure. At this very crisis, a

step was heard in the entry, and Mr Pecksniff, looking sweetly over the halfdoor of the bar, and into the

'Oh dear me, sir!' she cried, advancing to receive him, 'I am so very glad you have come.'

'And I am very glad I have come,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'if I can be of service. I am very glad I have come. What

'A gentleman taken ill upon the road, has been so very bad upstairs, sir,' said the tearful hostess.

'A gentleman taken ill upon the road, has been so very bad upstairs, has he?' repeated Mr Pecksniff. 'Well,

Now there was nothing that one may call decidedly original in this remark, nor can it be exactly said to have

contained any wise precept theretofore unknown to mankind, or to have opened any hidden source of

consolation; but Mr Pecksniff's manner was so bland, and he nodded his head so soothingly, and showed in

everything such an affable sense of his own excellence, that anybody would have been, as Mrs Lupin was,

comforted by the mere voice and presence of such a man; and, though he had merely said 'a verb must agree

with its nominative case in number and person, my good friend,' or 'eight times eight are sixtyfour, my

worthy soul,' must have felt deeply grateful to him for his humanity and wisdom.

'And how,' asked Mr Pecksniff, drawing off his gloves and warming his hands before the fire, as benevolently

Here again, though the statement was Mrs Lupin's and not Mr Pecksniff's, Mr Pecksniff made it his own and

consoled her with it. It was not much when Mrs Lupin said it, but it was a whole book when Mr Pecksniff

said it. 'I observe,' he seemed to say, 'and through me, morality in general remarks, that he is better and quite

'There must be weighty matters on his mind, though,' said the hostess, shaking her head, 'for he talks, sir, in

the strangest way you ever heard. He is far from easy in his thoughts, and wants some proper advice from

'Then,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'he is the sort of customer for me.' But though he said this in the plainest language,

'I am afraid, sir,' continued the landlady, first looking round to assure herself that there was nobody within

hearing, and then looking down upon the floor. 'I am very much afraid, sir, that his conscience is troubled by

'Mrs Lupin!' said Mr Pecksniff, holding up his hand with something in his manner as nearly approaching to

severity as any expression of his, mild being that he was, could ever do. 'Person! young person?'

'A very young person,' said Mrs Lupin, curtseying and blushing; 'I beg your pardon, sir, but I have been so

'Who is with him now,' ruminated Mr Pecksniff, warming his back (as he had warmed his hands) as if it were

a widow's back, or an orphan's back, or an enemy's back, or a back that any less excellent man would have

'At the same time I am bound to say, and I do say with all my heart,' observed the hostess, earnestly, 'that her

Touching which remark, let it be written down to their confusion, that the enemies of this worthy man

unblushingly maintained that he always said of what was very bad, that it was very natural; and that he

'Your suspicion, Mrs Lupin,' he repeated, 'is very natural, and I have no doubt correct. I will wait upon these

With that he took off his greatcoat, and having run his fingers through his hair, thrust one hand gently in the

They went in on tiptoe; or rather the hostess took that precaution for Mr Pecksniff always walked softly. The

old gentleman was still asleep, and his young companion still sat reading by the fire.

'I am afraid,' said Mr Pecksniff, pausing at the door, and giving his head a melancholy roll, 'I am afraid that

this looks artful. I am afraid, Mrs Lupin, do you know, that this looks very artful!'

As he finished this whisper, he advanced before the hostess; and at the same time the young lady, hearing

footsteps, rose. Mr Pecksniff glanced at the volume she held, and whispered Mrs Lupin again; if possible,

'Yes, ma'am,' he said, 'it is a good book. I was fearful of that beforehand. I am apprehensive that this is a very

'Hush! don't trouble yourself, ma'am,' said Mr Pecksniff, as the landlady was about to answer. 'This

young'in spite of himself he hesitated when "person" rose to his lips, and substituted another word: 'this

young stranger, Mrs Lupin, will excuse me for replying briefly, that I reside in this village; it may be in an

influential manner, however, undeserved; and that I have been summoned here by you. I am here, as I am

With these impressive words, Mr Pecksniff passed over to the bedside, where, after patting the counterpane

once or twice in a very solemn manner, as if by that means he gained a clear insight into the patient's

disorder, he took his seat in a large armchair, and in an attitude of some thoughtfulness and much comfort,

waited for his waking. Whatever objection the young lady urged to Mrs Lupin went no further, for nothing

more was said to Mr Pecksniff, and Mr Pecksniff said nothing more to anybody else.

Full half an hour elapsed before the old man stirred, but at length he turned himself in bed, and, though not

yet awake, gave tokens that his sleep was drawing to an end. By little and little he removed the bedclothes

from about his head, and turned still more towards the side where Mr Pecksniff sat. In course of time his eyes

opened; and he lay for a few moments as people newly roused sometimes will, gazing indolently at his

There was nothing remarkable in these proceedings, except the influence they worked on Mr Pecksniff,

which could hardly have been surpassed by the most marvellous of natural phenomena. Gradually his hands

became tightly clasped upon the elbows of the chair, his eyes dilated with surprise, his mouth opened, his hair

stood more erect upon his forehead than its custom was, until, at length, when the old man rose in bed, and

stared at him with scarcely less emotion than he showed himself, the Pecksniff doubts were all resolved, and

His consternation of surprise was so genuine, that the old man, with all the disposition that he clearly

'I am Martin Chuzzlewit,' he said, bitterly: 'and Martin Chuzzlewit wishes you had been hanged, before you

had come here to disturb him in his sleep. Why, I dreamed of this fellow!' he said, lying down again, and

'There! His very first words!' cried the old man, shaking his grey head to and fro upon the pillow, and

throwing up his hands. 'In his very first words he asserts his relationship! I knew he would; they all do it!

Near or distant, blood or water, it's all one. Ugh! What a calendar of deceit, and lying, and falsewitnessing,

'Pray do not be hasty, Mr Chuzzlewit,' said Pecksniff, in a tone that was at once in the sublimest degree

compassionate and dispassionate; for he had by this time recovered from his surprise, and was in full

possession of his virtuous self. 'You will regret being hasty, I know you will.'

'Yes,' retorted Mr Pecksniff. 'Aye, aye, Mr Chuzzlewit; and don't imagine that I mean to court or flatter you;

for nothing is further from my intention. Neither, sir, need you entertain the least misgiving that I shall repeat

that obnoxious word which has given you so much offence already. Why should I? What do I expect or want

from you? There is nothing in your possession that I know of, Mr Chuzzlewit, which is much to be coveted

'Apart from that consideration,' said Mr Pecksniff, watchful of the effect he made, 'it must be plain to you (I

am sure) by this time, that if I had wished to insinuate myself into your good opinion, I should have been, of

all things, careful not to address you as a relative; knowing your humour, and being quite certain beforehand

Martin made not any verbal answer; but he as clearly implied though only by a motion of his legs beneath the

bedclothes, that there was reason in this, and that he could not dispute it, as if he had said as much in good

'No,' said Mr Pecksniff, keeping his hand in his waistcoat as though he were ready, on the shortest notice, to

produce his heart for Martin Chuzzlewit's inspection, 'I came here to offer my services to a stranger. I make

no offer of them to you, because I know you would distrust me if I did. But lying on that bed, sir, I regard you

as a stranger, and I have just that amount of interest in you which I hope I should feel in any stranger,

circumstanced as you are. Beyond that, I am quite as indifferent to you, Mr Chuzzlewit, as you are to me.'

Having said which, Mr Pecksniff threw himself back in the easychair; so radiant with ingenuous honesty,

that Mrs Lupin almost wondered not to see a stainedglass Glory, such as the Saint wore in the church,

A long pause succeeded. The old man, with increased restlessness, changed his posture several times. Mrs

Lupin and the young lady gazed in silence at the counterpane. Mr Pecksniff toyed abstractedly with his

'Eh?' he said at last, opening them suddenly, and looking towards the bed. 'I beg your pardon. I thought you

spoke. Mrs Lupin,' he continued, slowly rising 'I am not aware that I can be of any service to you here. The

This last note of interrogation bore reference to another change of posture on the old man's part, which

brought his face towards Mr Pecksniff for the first time since he had turned away from him.

'If you desire to speak to me before I go, sir,' continued that gentleman, after another pause, 'you may

command my leisure; but I must stipulate, in justice to myself, that you do so as to a stranger, strictly as to a

Now if Mr Pecksniff knew, from anything Martin Chuzzlewit had expressed in gestures, that he wanted to

speak to him, he could only have found it out on some such principle as prevails in melodramas, and in virtue

of which the elderly farmer with the comic son always knows what the dumb girl means when she takes

refuge in his garden, and relates her personal memoirs in incomprehensible pantomime. But without stopping

to make any inquiry on this point, Martin Chuzzlewit signed to his young companion to withdraw, which she

immediately did, along with the landlady leaving him and Mr Pecksniff alone together. For some time they

looked at each other in silence; or rather the old man looked at Mr Pecksniff, and Mr Pecksniff again closing

his eyes on all outward objects, took an inward survey of his own breast. That it amply repaid him for his

trouble, and afforded a delicious and enchanting prospect, was clear from the expression of his face.

'You wish me to speak to you as to a total stranger,' said the old man, 'do you?'

Mr Pecksniff replied, by a shrug of his shoulders and an apparent turning round of his eyes in their sockets

before he opened them, that he was still reduced to the necessity of entertaining that desire.

'You shall be gratified,' said Martin. 'Sir, I am a rich man. Not so rich as some suppose, perhaps, but yet

wealthy. I am not a miser sir, though even that charge is made against me, as I hear, and currently believed. I

have no pleasure in hoarding. I have no pleasure in the possession of money, The devil that we call by that

It would be no description of Mr Pecksniff's gentleness of manner to adopt the common parlance, and say

that he looked at this moment as if butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. He rather looked as if any quantity of

butter might have been made out of him, by churning the milk of human kindness, as it spouted upwards

'For the same reason that I am not a hoarder of money,' said the old man, 'I am not lavish of it. Some people

find their gratification in storing it up; and others theirs in parting with it; but I have no gratification

connected with the thing. Pain and bitterness are the only goods it ever could procure for me. I hate it. It is a

spectre walking before me through the world, and making every social pleasure hideous.'

A thought arose in Pecksniff's mind, which must have instantly mounted to his face, or Martin Chuzzlewit

'You would advise me for my peace of mind, to get rid of this source of misery, and transfer it to some one

who could bear it better. Even you, perhaps, would rid me of a burden under which I suffer so grievously.

But, kind stranger,' said the old man, whose every feature darkened as he spoke, 'good Christian stranger, that

is a main part of my trouble. In other hands, I have known money do good; in other hands I have known it

triumphed in, and boasted of with reason, as the masterkey to all the brazen gates that close upon the paths

to worldly honour, fortune, and enjoyment. To what man or woman; to what worthy, honest, incorruptible

creature; shall I confide such a talisman, either now or when I die? Do you know any such person? YOUR

virtues are of course inestimable, but can you tell me of any other living creature who will bear the test of

'Aye,' returned the old man, 'the test of contact with mewith me. You have heard of him whose misery (the

gratification of his own foolish wish) was, that he turned every thing he touched into gold. The curse of my

existence, and the realisation of my own mad desire is that by the golden standard which I bear about me, I

'Oh yes,' cried the old man, 'I think so! and in your telling me "I think so," I recognize the true unworldly ring

of YOUR metal. I tell you, man,' he added, with increasing bitterness, 'that I have gone, a rich man, among

people of all grades and kinds; relatives, friends, and strangers; among people in whom, when I was poor, I

had confidence, and justly, for they never once deceived me then, or, to me, wronged each other. But I have

never found one nature, no, not one, in which, being wealthy and alone, I was not forced to detect the latent

corruption that lay hid within it waiting for such as I to bring it forth. Treachery, deceit, and low design;

hatred of competitors, real or fancied, for my favour; meanness, falsehood, baseness, and servility; or,' and

here he looked closely in his cousin's eyes, 'or an assumption of honest independence, almost worse than all;

these are the beauties which my wealth has brought to light. Brother against brother, child against parent,

friends treading on the faces of friends, this is the social company by whom my way has been attended. There

are stories toldthey may be true or falseof rich men who, in the garb of poverty, have found out virtue

and rewarded it. They were dolts and idiots for their pains. They should have made the search in their own

characters. They should have shown themselves fit objects to be robbed and preyed upon and plotted against

and adulated by any knaves, who, but for joy, would have spat upon their coffins when they died their dupes;

and then their search would have ended as mine has done, and they would be what I am.'

Mr Pecksniff, not at all knowing what it might be best to say in the momentary pause which ensued upon

these remarks, made an elaborate demonstration of intending to deliver something very oracular indeed;

trusting to the certainty of the old man interrupting him, before he should utter a word. Nor was he mistaken,

'Hear me to an end; judge what profit you are like to gain from any repetition of this visit; and leave me. I

have so corrupted and changed the nature of all those who have ever attended on me, by breeding avaricious

plots and hopes within them; I have engendered such domestic strife and discord, by tarrying even with

members of my own family; I have been such a lighted torch in peaceful homes, kindling up all the

inflammable gases and vapours in their moral atmosphere, which, but for me, might have proved harmless to

the end, that I have, I may say, fled from all who knew me, and taking refuge in secret places have lived, of

late, the life of one who is hunted. The young girl whom you just now sawwhat! your eye lightens when I

'Upon my word, sir!' said Mr Pecksniff, laying his hand upon his breast, and dropping his eyelids.

'I forgot,' cried the old man, looking at him with a keenness which the other seemed to feel, although he did

not raise his eyes so as to see it. 'I ask your pardon. I forgot you were a stranger. For the moment you

reminded me of one Pecksniff, a cousin of mine. As I was sayingthe young girl whom you just now saw, is

an orphan child, whom, with one steady purpose, I have bred and educated, or, if you prefer the word,

adopted. For a year or more she has been my constant companion, and she is my only one. I have taken, as

she knows, a solemn oath never to leave her sixpence when I die, but while I live I make her an annual

allowance; not extravagant in its amount and yet not stinted. There is a compact between us that no term of

affectionate cajolery shall ever be addressed by either to the other, but that she shall call me always by my

Christian name; I her, by hers. She is bound to me in life by ties of interest, and losing by my death, and

having no expectation disappointed, will mourn it, perhaps; though for that I care little. This is the only kind

of friend I have or will have. Judge from such premises what a profitable hour you have spent in coming here,

With these words, the old man fell slowly back upon his pillow. Mr Pecksniff as slowly rose, and, with a

'I am sorry for that, sir,' rejoined Mr Pecksniff, 'because I have a duty to discharge, from which, depend upon

It is a lamentable fact, that as Mr Pecksniff stood erect beside the bed, in all the dignity of Goodness, and

addressed him thus, the old man cast an angry glance towards the candlestick, as if he were possessed by a

strong inclination to launch it at his cousin's head. But he constrained himself, and pointing with his finger to

'Thank you,' said Mr Pecksniff; 'I am aware of that. I am going. But before I go, I crave your leave to speak,

and more than that, Mr Chuzzlewit, I must and willyes indeed, I repeat it, must and will be heard. I am

not surprised, sir, at anything you have told me tonight. It is natural, very natural, and the greater part of it

was known to me before. I will not say,' continued Mr Pecksniff, drawing out his pockethandkerchief, and

winking with both eyes at once, as it were, against his will, 'I will not say that you are mistaken in me. While

you are in your present mood I would not say so for the world. I almost wish, indeed, that I had a different

nature, that I might repress even this slight confession of weakness; which I cannot disguise from you; which

I feel is humiliating; but which you will have the goodness to excuse. We will say, if you please,' added Mr

Pecksniff, with great tenderness of manner, 'that it arises from a cold in the head, or is attributable to snuff, or

Here he paused for an instant, and concealed his face behind his pockethandkerchief. Then, smiling faintly,

'But, Mr Chuzzlewit, while I am forgetful of myself, I owe it to myself, and to my characteraye, sir, and I

HAVE a character which is very dear to me, and will be the best inheritance of my two daughtersto tell

you, on behalf of another, that your conduct is wrong, unnatural, indefensible, monstrous. And I tell you, sir,'

said Mr Pecksniff, towering on tiptoe among the curtains, as if he were literally rising above all worldly

considerations, and were fain to hold on tight, to keep himself from darting skyward like a rocket, 'I tell you

without fear or favour, that it will not do for you to be unmindful of your grandson, young Martin, who has

the strongest natural claim upon you. It will not do, sir,' repeated Mr Pecksniff, shaking his head. 'You may

think it will do, but it won't. You must provide for that young man; you shall provide for him; you WILL

provide for him. I believe,' said Mr Pecksniff, glancing at the penandink, 'that in secret you have already

done so. Bless you for doing so. Bless you for doing right, sir. Bless you for hating me. And good night!'

So saying, Mr Pecksniff waved his right hand with much solemnity, and once more inserting it in his

waistcoat, departed. There was emotion in his manner, but his step was firm. Subject to human weaknesses,

Martin lay for some time, with an expression on his face of silent wonder, not unmixed with rage; at length

'What does this mean? Can the falsehearted boy have chosen such a tool as yonder fellow who has just gone

out? Why not! He has conspired against me, like the rest, and they are but birds of one feather. A new plot; a

He fell to trifling, as he ceased to speak, with the ashes of the burnt paper in the candlestick. He did so, at

first, in pure abstraction, but they presently became the subject of his thoughts.

'Another will made and destroyed,' he said, 'nothing determined on, nothing done, and I might have died

tonight! I plainly see to what foul uses all this money will be put at last,' he cried, almost writhing in the

bed; 'after filling me with cares and miseries all my life, it will perpetuate discord and bad passions when I

am dead. So it always is. What lawsuits grow out of the graves of rich men, every day; sowing perjury,

hatred, and lies among near kindred, where there should be nothing but love! Heaven help us, we have much

to answer for! Oh self, self, self! Every man for himself, and no creature for me!'

Universal self! Was there nothing of its shadow in these reflections, and in the history of Martin Chuzzlewit,

That worthy man Mr Pecksniff having taken leave of his cousin in the solemn terms recited in the last

chapter, withdrew to his own home, and remained there three whole days; not so much as going out for a

walk beyond the boundaries of his own garden, lest he should be hastily summoned to the bedside of his

penitent and remorseful relative, whom, in his ample benevolence, he had made up his mind to forgive

unconditionally, and to love on any terms. But such was the obstinacy and such the bitter nature of that stern

old man, that no repentant summons came; and the fourth day found Mr Pecksniff apparently much farther

During the whole of this interval, he haunted the Dragon at all times and seasons in the day and night, and,

returning good for evil evinced the deepest solicitude in the progress of the obdurate invalid, in so much that

Mrs Lupin was fairly melted by his disinterested anxiety (for he often particularly required her to take notice

that he would do the same by any stranger or pauper in the like condition), and shed many tears of admiration

Meantime, old Martin Chuzzlewit remained shut up in his own chamber, and saw no person but his young

companion, saving the hostess of the Blue Dragon, who was, at certain times, admitted to his presence. So

surely as she came into the room, however, Martin feigned to fall asleep. It was only when he and the young

lady were alone, that he would utter a word, even in answer to the simplest inquiry; though Mr Pecksniff

could make out, by hard listening at the door, that they two being left together, he was talkative enough.

It happened on the fourth evening, that Mr Pecksniff walking, as usual, into the bar of the Dragon and finding

no Mrs Lupin there, went straight upstairs; purposing, in the fervour of his affectionate zeal, to apply his ear

once more to the keyhole, and quiet his mind by assuring himself that the hardhearted patient was going on

well. It happened that Mr Pecksniff, coming softly upon the dark passage into which a spiral ray of light

usually darted through the same keyhole, was astonished to find no such ray visible; and it happened that Mr

Pecksniff, when he had felt his way to the chamberdoor, stooping hurriedly down to ascertain by personal

inspection whether the jealousy of the old man had caused this keyhole to be stopped on the inside, brought

his head into such violent contact with another head that he could not help uttering in an audible voice the

monosyllable 'Oh!' which was, as it were, sharply unscrewed and jerked out of him by very anguish. It

happened then, and lastly, that Mr Pecksniff found himself immediately collared by something which smelt

like several damp umbrellas, a barrel of beer, a cask of warm brandyandwater, and a small parlourfull of

stale tobacco smoke, mixed; and was straightway led downstairs into the bar from which he had lately come,

where he found himself standing opposite to, and in the grasp of, a perfectly strange gentleman of still

stranger appearance who, with his disengaged hand, rubbed his own head very hard, and looked at him,

The gentleman was of that order of appearance which is currently termed shabbygenteel, though in respect

of his dress he can hardly be said to have been in any extremities, as his fingers were a long way out of his

gloves, and the soles of his feet were at an inconvenient distance from the upper leather of his boots. His

nether garments were of a bluish greyviolent in its colours once, but sobered now by age and

dinginessand were so stretched and strained in a tough conflict between his braces and his straps, that they

appeared every moment in danger of flying asunder at the knees. His coat, in colour blue and of a military

cut, was buttoned and frogged up to his chin. His cravat was, in hue and pattern, like one of those mantles

which hairdressers are accustomed to wrap about their clients, during the progress of the professional

mysteries. His hat had arrived at such a pass that it would have been hard to determine whether it was

originally white or black. But he wore a moustachea shaggy moustache too; nothing in the meek and

merciful way, but quite in the fierce and scornful style; the regular Satanic sort of thingand he wore,

besides, a vast quantity of unbrushed hair. He was very dirty and very jaunty; very bold and very mean; very

swaggering and very slinking; very much like a man who might have been something better, and unspeakably

Mr Pecksniff cast him off, as Saint George might have repudiated the Dragon in that animal's last moments,

'Where is Mrs Lupin, I wonder! can the good woman possibly be aware that there is a person here who'

'What then, sir?' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'What then? Do you know, sir, that I am the friend and relative of that

'Not his niece's husband,' interposed the stranger, 'I'll be sworn; for he was there before you.'

'What do you mean?' said Mr Pecksniff, with indignant surprise. 'What do you tell me, sir?'

'Wait a bit!' cried the other, 'Perhaps you are a cousinthe cousin who lives in this place?'

'I am proud to know you, and I ask your pardon,' said the gentleman, touching his hat, and subsequently

diving behind his cravat for a shirtcollar, which however he did not succeed in bringing to the surface. 'You

behold in me, sir, one who has also an interest in that gentleman upstairs. Wait a bit.'

As he said this, he touched the tip of his high nose, by way of intimation that he would let Mr Pecksniff into a

secret presently; and pulling off his hat, began to search inside the crown among a mass of crumpled

documents and small pieces of what may be called the bark of broken cigars; whence he presently selected

Mr Pecksniff shrugged his shoulders as though he would say 'I know there is such a person, and I am sorry

'Very good,' remarked the gentleman. 'That is my interest and business here.' With that he made another dive

'Now, this is very distressing, my friend,' said Mr Pecksniff, shaking his head and smiling composedly. 'It is

very distressing to me, to be compelled to say that you are not the person you claim to be. I know Mr Slyme,

my friend; this will not do; honesty is the best policy you had better not; you had indeed.'

'Stop' cried the gentleman, stretching forth his right arm, which was so tightly wedged into his threadbare

He paused to establish himself immediately in front of the fire with his back towards it. Then gathering the

skirts of his coat under his left arm, and smoothing his moustache with his right thumb and forefinger, he

'I understand your mistake, and I am not offended. Why? Because it's complimentary. You suppose I would

set myself up for Chevy Slyme. Sir, if there is a man on earth whom a gentleman would feel proud and

honoured to be mistaken for, that man is my friend Slyme. For he is, without an exception, the

highestminded, the most independentspirited, most original, spiritual, classical, talented, the most

thoroughly Shakspearian, if not Miltonic, and at the same time the most disgustinglyunappreciated dog I

know. But, sir, I have not the vanity to attempt to pass for Slyme. Any other man in the wide world, I am

equal to; but Slyme is, I frankly confess, a great many cuts above me. Therefore you are wrong.'

'No doubt you did,' returned the gentleman. 'But, Mr Pecksniff, the whole thing resolves itself into an instance

of the peculiarities of genius. Every man of true genius has his peculiarity. Sir, the peculiarity of my friend

Slyme is, that he is always waiting round the corner. He is perpetually round the corner, sir. He is round the

corner at this instant. Now,' said the gentleman, shaking his forefinger before his nose, and planting his legs

wider apart as he looked attentively in Mr Pecksniff's face, 'that is a remarkably curious and interesting trait

in Mr Slyme's character; and whenever Slyme's life comes to be written, that trait must be thoroughly worked

out by his biographer or society will not be satisfied. Observe me, society will not be satisfied!'

'Slyme's biographer, sir, whoever he may be,' resumed the gentleman, 'must apply to me; or, if I am gone to

that what'shisname from which no thingumbob comes back, he must apply to my executors for leave to

search among my papers. I have taken a few notes in my poor way, of some of that man's proceedingsmy

adopted brother, sir,which would amaze you. He made use of an expression, sir, only on the fifteenth of

last month when he couldn't meet a little bill and the other party wouldn't renew, which would have done

'And pray,' asked Mr Pecksniff, obviously not quite at his ease, 'what may be Mr Slyme's business here, if I

may be permitted to inquire, who am compelled by a regard for my own character to disavow all interest in

'In the first place,' returned the gentleman, 'you will permit me to say, that I object to that remark, and that I

strongly and indignantly protest against it on behalf of my friend Slyme. In the next place, you will give me

leave to introduce myself. My name, sir, is Tigg. The name of Montague Tigg will perhaps be familiar to

'No matter,' said the gentleman. 'That man was my father, and I bear his name. I am consequently

proudproud as Lucifer. Excuse me one moment. I desire my friend Slyme to be present at the remainder of

With this announcement he hurried away to the outer door of the Blue Dragon, and almost immediately

returned with a companion shorter than himself, who was wrapped in an old blue camlet cloak with a lining

of faded scarlet. His sharp features being much pinched and nipped by long waiting in the cold, and his

straggling red whiskers and frowzy hair being more than usually dishevelled from the same cause, he

certainly looked rather unwholesome and uncomfortable than Shakspearian or Miltonic.

'Now,' said Mr Tigg, clapping one hand on the shoulder of his prepossessing friend, and calling Mr

Pecksniff's attention to him with the other, 'you two are related; and relations never did agree, and never will;

which is a wise dispensation and an inevitable thing, or there would be none but family parties, and

everybody in the world would bore everybody else to death. If you were on good terms, I should consider you

a most confoundedly unnatural pair; but standing towards each other as you do, I took upon you as a couple

Here Mr Chevy Slyme, whose great abilities seemed one and all to point towards the sneaking quarter of the

moral compass, nudged his friend stealthily with his elbow, and whispered in his ear.

'Chiv,' said Mr Tigg aloud, in the high tone of one who was not to be tampered with. 'I shall come to that

presently. I act upon my own responsibility, or not at all. To the extent of such a trifling loan as a crownpiece

to a man of your talents, I look upon Mr Pecksniff as certain;' and seeing at this juncture that the expression

of Mr Pecksniff's face by no means betokened that he shared this certainty, Mr Tigg laid his finger on his

nose again for that gentleman's private and especial behoof; calling upon him thereby to take notice that the

requisition of small loans was another instance of the peculiarities of genius as developed in his friend Slyme;

that he, Tigg, winked at the same, because of the strong metaphysical interest which these weaknesses

possessed; and that in reference to his own personal advocacy of such small advances, he merely consulted

the humour of his friend, without the least regard to his own advantage or necessities.

'Oh, Chiv, Chiv!' added Mr Tigg, surveying his adopted brother with an air of profound contemplation after

dismissing this piece of pantomime. 'You are, upon my life, a strange instance of the little frailties that beset a

mighty mind. If there had never been a telescope in the world, I should have been quite certain from my

observation of you, Chiv, that there were spots on the sun! I wish I may die, if this isn't the queerest state of

existence that we find ourselves forced into without knowing why or wherefore, Mr Pecksniff! Well, never

mind! Moralise as we will, the world goes on. As Hamlet says, Hercules may lay about him with his club in

every possible direction, but he can't prevent the cats from making a most intolerable row on the roofs of the

houses, or the dogs from being shot in the hot weather if they run about the streets unmuzzled. Life's a riddle;

a most infernally hard riddle to guess, Mr Pecksniff. My own opinions, that like that celebrated conundrum,

"Why's a man in jail like a man out of jail?" there's no answer to it. Upon my soul and body, it's the queerest

With which consolatory deduction from the gloomy premises recited, Mr Tigg roused himself by a great

'Now I'll tell you what it is. I'm a most confoundedly softhearted kind of fellow in my way, and I cannot

stand by, and see you two blades cutting each other's throats when there's nothing to be got by it. Mr

Pecksniff, you're the cousin of the testator upstairs and we're the nephewI say we, meaning Chiv. Perhaps

in all essential points you are more nearly related to him than we are. Very good. If so, so be it. But you can't

get at him, neither can we. I give you my brightest word of honour, sir, that I've been looking through that

keyhole with short intervals of rest, ever since nine o'clock this morning, in expectation of receiving an

answer to one of the most moderate and gentlemanly applications for a little temporary assistanceonly

fifteen pounds, and MY security that the mind of man can conceive. In the meantime, sir, he is perpetually

closeted with, and pouring his whole confidence into the bosom of, a stranger. Now I say decisively with

regard to this state of circumstances, that it won't do; that it won't act; that it can't be; and that it must not be

'Every man,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'has a right, an undoubted right, (which I, for one, would not call in question

for any earthly consideration; oh no!) to regulate his own proceedings by his own likings and dislikings,

supposing they are not immoral and not irreligious. I may feel in my own breast, that Mr Chuzzlewit does not

regardme, for instance; say mewith exactly that amount of Christian love which should subsist between

us. I may feel grieved and hurt at the circumstance; still I may not rush to the conclusion that Mr Chuzzlewit

is wholly without a justification in all his coldnesses. Heaven forbid! Besides; how, Mr Tigg,' continued

Pecksniff even more gravely and impressively than he had spoken yet, 'how could Mr Chuzzlewit be

prevented from having these peculiar and most extraordinary confidences of which you speak; the existence

of which I must admit; and which I cannot but deplorefor his sake? Consider, my good sir' and here Mr

'Undoubtedly it is a difficult question,' Mr Pecksniff answered. As he spoke he drew himself aloft, and

seemed to grow more mindful, suddenly, of the moral gulf between himself and the creature he addressed.

'Undoubtedly it is a very difficult question. And I am far from feeling sure that it is a question any one is

'What do you mean, sir? what Spottletoes?' asked Pecksniff, stopping abruptly on his way to the door.

'Mr and Mrs Spottletoe,' said Chevy Slyme, Esquire, speaking aloud for the first time, and speaking very

sulkily; shambling with his legs the while. 'Spottletoe married my father's brother's child, didn't he? And Mrs

Spottletoe is Chuzzlewit's own niece, isn't she? She was his favourite once. You may well ask what

'Now upon my sacred word!' cried Mr Pecksniff, looking upwards. 'This is dreadful. The rapacity of these

'It's not only the Spottletoes either, Tigg,' said Slyme, looking at that gentleman and speaking at Mr Pecksniff.

'Anthony Chuzzlewit and his son have got wind of it, and have come down this afternoon. I saw 'em not five

'So there,' said Slyme, regardless of the interruption, 'are his brother and another nephew for you, already.'

'This is the whole thing, sir,' said Mr Tigg; 'this is the point and purpose at which I was gradually arriving

when my friend Slyme here, with six words, hit it full. Mr Pecksniff, now that your cousin (and Chiv's uncle)

has turned up, some steps must be taken to prevent his disappearing again; and, if possible, to counteract the

influence which is exercised over him now, by this designing favourite. Everybody who is interested feels it,

sir. The whole family is pouring down to this place. The time has come when individual jealousies and

interests must be forgotten for a time, sir, and union must be made against the common enemy. When the

common enemy is routed, you will all set up for yourselves again; every lady and gentleman who has a part

in the game, will go in on their own account and bowl away, to the best of their ability, at the testator's

wicket, and nobody will be in a worse position than before. Think of it. Don't commit yourself now. You'll

find us at the Half Moon and Seven Stars in this village, at any time, and open to any reasonable proposition.

Mr Slyme lost no time in disappearing, and it is to be presumed in going round the corner. Mr Tigg, planting

his legs as wide apart as he could be reasonably expected by the most sanguine man to keep them, shook his

'We must not be too hard,' he said, 'upon the little eccentricities of our friend Slyme. You saw him whisper

'Five shillings, eh?' said Mr Tigg, thoughtfully. 'Ah! what an extraordinary fellow! Very moderate too!'

'Five shillings!' pursued Mr Tigg, musing; 'and to be punctually repaid next week; that's the best of it. You

'No! You surprise me!' cried Tigg. 'That's the cream of the thing sir. I never knew that man fail to redeem a

'Just so,' returned Mr Tigg. 'If you had been, I'd have got it for you.' With that he began to whistle; but a

dozen seconds had not elapsed when he stopped short, and looking earnestly at Mr Pecksniff, said:

'Egad!' cried Tigg, gravely nodding his head as if some ground of objection occurred to him at that moment

for the first time, 'it's very possible you may be right. Would you entertain the same sort of objection to

'Why, then we come,' said Mr Tigg, 'to the ridiculously small amount of eighteen pence. Ha! ha!'

On receipt of this assurance, Mr Tigg shook him heartily by both hands, protesting with much earnestness,

that he was one of the most consistent and remarkable men he had ever met, and that he desired the honour of

his better acquaintance. He moreover observed that there were many little characteristics about his friend

Slyme, of which he could by no means, as a man of strict honour, approve; but that he was prepared to

forgive him all these slight drawbacks, and much more, in consideration of the great pleasure he himself had

that day enjoyed in his social intercourse with Mr Pecksniff, which had given him a far higher and more

enduring delight than the successful negotiation of any small loan on the part of his friend could possibly

have imparted. With which remarks he would beg leave, he said, to wish Mr Pecksniff a very good evening.

And so he took himself off; as little abashed by his recent failure as any gentleman would desire to be.

The meditations of Mr Pecksniff that evening at the bar of the Dragon, and that night in his own house, were

very serious and grave indeed; the more especially as the intelligence he had received from Messrs Tigg and

Slyme touching the arrival of other members of the family, were fully confirmed on more particular inquiry.

For the Spottletoes had actually gone straight to the Dragon, where they were at that moment housed and

mounting guard, and where their appearance had occasioned such a vast sensation that Mrs Lupin, scenting

their errand before they had been under her roof half an hour, carried the news herself with all possible

secrecy straight to Mr Pecksniff's house; indeed it was her great caution in doing so which occasioned her to

miss that gentleman, who entered at the front door of the Dragon just as she emerged from the back one.

Moreover, Mr Anthony Chuzzlewit and his son Jonas were economically quartered at the Half Moon and

Seven Stars, which was an obscure alehouse; and by the very next coach there came posting to the scene of

action, so many other affectionate members of the family (who quarrelled with each other, inside and out, all

the way down, to the utter distraction of the coachman), that in less than four andtwenty hours the scanty

tavern accommodation was at a premium, and all the private lodgings in the place, amounting to full four

In a word, things came to that pass that nearly the whole family sat down before the Blue Dragon, and

formally invested it; and Martin Chuzzlewit was in a state of siege. But he resisted bravely; refusing to

receive all letters, messages, and parcels; obstinately declining to treat with anybody; and holding out no

hope or promise of capitulation. Meantime the family forces were perpetually encountering each other in

divers parts of the neighbourhood; and, as no one branch of the Chuzzlewit tree had ever been known to

agree with another within the memory of man, there was such a skirmishing, and flouting, and snapping off

of heads, in the metaphorical sense of that expression; such a bandying of words and calling of names; such

an upturning of noses and wrinkling of brows; such a formal interment of good feelings and violent

resurrection of ancient grievances; as had never been known in those quiet parts since the earliest record of

At length, in utter despair and hopelessness, some few of the belligerents began to speak to each other in only

moderate terms of mutual aggravation; and nearly all addressed themselves with a show of tolerable decency

to Mr Pecksniff, in recognition of his high character and influential position. Thus, by little and little, they

made common cause of Martin Chuzzlewit's obduracy, until it was agreed (if such a word can be used in

connection with the Chuzzlewits) that there should be a general council and conference held at Mr Pecksniff's

house upon a certain day at noon; which all members of the family who had brought themselves within reach

If ever Mr Pecksniff wore an apostolic look, he wore it on this memorable day. If ever his unruffled smile

proclaimed the words, 'I am a messenger of peace!' that was its mission now. If ever man combined within

himself all the mild qualities of the lamb with a considerable touch of the dove, and not a dash of the

crocodile, or the least possible suggestion of the very mildest seasoning of the serpent, that man was he. And,

oh, the two Miss Pecksniffs! Oh, the serene expression on the face of Charity, which seemed to say, 'I know

that all my family have injured me beyond the possibility of reparation, but I forgive them, for it is my duty

so to do!' And, oh, the gay simplicity of Mercy; so charming, innocent, and infant like, that if she had gone

out walking by herself, and it had been a little earlier in the season, the robinredbreasts might have covered

her with leaves against her will, believing her to be one of the sweet children in the wood, come out of it, and

issuing forth once more to look for blackberries in the young freshness of her heart! What words can paint the

Pecksniffs in that trying hour? Oh, none; for words have naughty company among them, and the Pecksniffs

But when the company arrived! That was the time. When Mr Pecksniff, rising from his seat at the table's

head, with a daughter on either hand, received his guests in the best parlour and motioned them to chairs,

with eyes so overflowing and countenance so damp with gracious perspiration, that he may be said to have

been in a kind of moist meekness! And the company; the jealous stonyhearted distrustful company, who

were all shut up in themselves, and had no faith in anybody, and wouldn't believe anything, and would no

more allow themselves to be softened or lulled asleep by the Pecksniffs than if they had been so many

First, there was Mr Spottletoe, who was so bald and had such big whiskers, that he seemed to have stopped

his hair, by the sudden application of some powerful remedy, in the very act of falling off his head, and to

have fastened it irrevocably on his face. Then there was Mrs Spottletoe, who being much too slim for her

years, and of a poetical constitution, was accustomed to inform her more intimate friends that the said

whiskers were 'the lodestar of her existence;' and who could now, by reason of her strong affection for her

uncle Chuzzlewit, and the shock it gave her to be suspected of testamentary designs upon him, do nothing but

cryexcept moan. Then there were Anthony Chuzzlewit, and his son Jonas; the face of the old man so

sharpened by the wariness and cunning of his life, that it seemed to cut him a passage through the crowded

room, as he edged away behind the remotest chairs; while the son had so well profited by the precept and

example of the father, that he looked a year or two the elder of the twain, as they stood winking their red

eyes, side by side, and whispering to each other softly. Then there was the widow of a deceased brother of Mr

Martin Chuzzlewit, who being almost supernaturally disagreeable, and having a dreary face and a bony figure

and a masculine voice, was, in right of these qualities, what is commonly called a strongminded woman;

and who, if she could, would have established her claim to the title, and have shown herself, mentally

speaking, a perfect Samson, by shutting up her brotherinlaw in a private madhouse, until he proved his

complete sanity by loving her very much. Beside her sat her spinster daughters, three in number, and of

gentlemanly deportment, who had so mortified themselves with tight stays, that their tempers were reduced to

something less than their waists, and sharp lacing was expressed in their very noses. Then there was a young

gentleman, grandnephew of Mr Martin Chuzzlewit, very dark and very hairy, and apparently born for no

particular purpose but to save lookingglasses the trouble of reflecting more than just the first idea and

sketchy notion of a face, which had never been carried out. Then there was a solitary female cousin who was

remarkable for nothing but being very deaf, and living by herself, and always having the toothache. Then

there was George Chuzzlewit, a gay bachelor cousin, who claimed to be young but had been younger, and

was inclined to corpulency, and rather overfed himself; to that extent, indeed, that his eyes were strained in

their sockets, as if with constant surprise; and he had such an obvious disposition to pimples, that the bright

spots on his cravat, the rich pattern on his waistcoat, and even his glittering trinkets, seemed to have broken

out upon him, and not to have come into existence comfortably. Last of all there were present Mr Chevy

Slyme and his friend Tigg. And it is worthy of remark, that although each person present disliked the other,

mainly because he or she DID belong to the family, they one and all concurred in hating Mr Tigg because he

Such was the pleasant little family circle now assembled in Mr Pecksniff's best parlour, agreeably prepared to

fall foul of Mr Pecksniff or anybody else who might venture to say anything whatever upon any subject.

'This,' said Mr Pecksniff, rising and looking round upon them with folded hands, 'does me good. It does my

daughters good. We thank you for assembling here. We are grateful to you with our whole hearts. It is a

blessed distinction that you have conferred upon us, and believe me' it is impossible to conceive how he

'I am sorry to interrupt you, Pecksniff,' remarked Mr Spottletoe, with his whiskers in a very portentous state;

'but you are assuming too much to yourself, sir. Who do you imagine has it in contemplation to confer a

'If you are about to pursue the course with which you have begun, sir,' pursued Mr Spottletoe in a great heat,

and giving a violent rap on the table with his knuckles, 'the sooner you desist, and this assembly separates, the

better. I am no stranger, sir, to your preposterous desire to be regarded as the head of this family, but I can tell

Oh yes, indeed! HE tell. HE! What? He was the head, was he? From the strongminded woman downwards

everybody fell, that instant, upon Mr Spottletoe, who after vainly attempting to be heard in silence was fain to

sit down again, folding his arms and shaking his head most wrathfully, and giving Mrs Spottletoe to

understand in dumb show, that that scoundrel Pecksniff might go on for the present, but he would cut in

'I am not sorry,' said Mr Pecksniff in resumption of his address, 'I am really not sorry that this little incident

has happened. It is good to feel that we are met here without disguise. It is good to know that we have no

Here, the eldest daughter of the strongminded woman rose a little way from her seat, and trembling

violently from head to foot, more as it seemed with passion than timidity, expressed a general hope that some

people WOULD appear in their own characters, if it were only for such a proceeding having the attraction of

novelty to recommend it; and that when they (meaning the some people before mentioned) talked about their

relations, they would be careful to observe who was present in company at the time; otherwise it might come

round to those relations' ears, in a way they little expected; and as to red noses (she observed) she had yet to

learn that a red nose was any disgrace, inasmuch as people neither made nor coloured their own noses, but

had that feature provided for them without being first consulted; though even upon that branch of the subject

she had great doubts whether certain noses were redder than other noses, or indeed half as red as some. This

remark being received with a shrill titter by the two sisters of the speaker, Miss Charity Pecksniff begged

with much politeness to be informed whether any of those very low observations were levelled at her; and

receiving no more explanatory answer than was conveyed in the adage 'Those the cap fits, let them wear it,'

immediately commenced a somewhat acrimonious and personal retort, wherein she was much comforted and

abetted by her sister Mercy, who laughed at the same with great heartiness; indeed far more naturally than

life. And it being quite impossible that any difference of opinion can take place among women without every

woman who is within hearing taking active part in it, the strongminded lady and her two daughters, and Mrs

Spottletoe, and the deaf cousin (who was not at all disqualified from joining in the dispute by reason of being

perfectly unacquainted with its merits), one and all plunged into the quarrel directly.

The two Miss Pecksniffs being a pretty good match for the three Miss Chuzzlewits, and all five young ladies

having, in the figurative language of the day, a great amount of steam to dispose of, the altercation would no

doubt have been a long one but for the high valour and prowess of the strongminded woman, who, in right

of her reputation for powers of sarcasm, did so belabour and pummel Mrs Spottletoe with taunting words that

the poor lady, before the engagement was two minutes old, had no refuge but in tears. These she shed so

plentifully, and so much to the agitation and grief of Mr Spottletoe, that that gentleman, after holding his

clenched fist close to Mr Pecksniff's eyes, as if it were some natural curiosity from the near inspection

whereof he was likely to derive high gratification and improvement, and after offering (for no particular

reason that anybody could discover) to kick Mr George Chuzzlewit for, and in consideration of, the trifling

sum of sixpence, took his wife under his arm and indignantly withdrew. This diversion, by distracting the

attention of the combatants, put an end to the strife, which, after breaking out afresh some twice or thrice in

It was then that Mr Pecksniff once more rose from his chair. It was then that the two Miss Pecksniffs

composed themselves to look as if there were no such beingsnot to say present, but in the whole compass

of the worldas the three Miss Chuzzlewits; while the three Miss Chuzzlewits became equally unconscious

'It is to be lamented,' said Mr Pecksniff, with a forgiving recollection of Mr Spottletoe's fist, 'that our friend

should have withdrawn himself so very hastily, though we have cause for mutual congratulation even in that,

since we are assured that he is not distrustful of us in regard to anything we may say or do while he is absent.

'Pecksniff,' said Anthony, who had been watching the whole party with peculiar keenness from the

'Charity, my dear,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'when I take my chamber candlestick tonight, remind me to be more

than usually particular in praying for Mr Anthony Chuzzlewit; who has done me an injustice.'

This was said in a very bland voice, and aside, as being addressed to his daughter's private ear. With a

cheerfulness of conscience, prompting almost a sprightly demeanour, he then resumed:

'All our thoughts centring in our very dear but unkind relative, and he being as it were beyond our reach, we

are met today, really as if we were a funeral party, excepta blessed exceptionthat there is no body in

The strongminded lady was not at all sure that this was a blessed exception. Quite the contrary.

'Well, my dear madam!' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Be that as it may, here we are; and being here, we are to consider

'Why, you know as well as I,' said the strongminded lady, 'that any means are justifiable in such a case, don't

'Very good, my dear madam, very good; whether it is possible by ANY means, we will say by ANY means,

to open the eyes of our valued relative to his present infatuation. Whether it is possible to make him

acquainted by any means with the real character and purpose of that young female whose strange, whose very

strange position, in reference to himself'here Mr Pecksniff sunk his voice to an impressive

whisper'really casts a shadow of disgrace and shame upon this family; and who, we know'here he raised

his voice again 'else why is she his companion? harbours the very basest designs upon his weakness and

In their strong feeling on this point, they, who agreed in nothing else, all concurred as one mind. Good

Heaven, that she should harbour designs upon his property! The strongminded lady was for poison, her

three daughters were for Bridewell and breadandwater, the cousin with the toothache advocated Botany

Bay, the two Miss Pecksniffs suggested flogging. Nobody but Mr Tigg, who, notwithstanding his extreme

shabbiness, was still understood to be in some sort a lady's man, in right of his upper lip and his frogs,

indicated a doubt of the justifiable nature of these measures; and he only ogled the three Miss Chuzzlewits

with the least admixture of banter in his admiration, as though he would observe, 'You are positively down

'Now,' said Mr Pecksniff, crossing his two forefingers in a manner which was at once conciliatory and

argumentative; 'I will not, upon the one hand, go so far as to say that she deserves all the inflictions which

have been so very forcibly and hilariously suggested;' one of his ornamental sentences; 'nor will I, upon the

other, on any account compromise my common understanding as a man, by making the assertion that she

does not. What I would observe is, that I think some practical means might be devised of inducing our

'Then I will not,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'You are quite right, my dear madam, and I appreciate and thank you for

your discriminating objectionour respected relative, to dispose himself to listen to the promptings of

'Why, the truth is, my dear,' said Mr Pecksniff, smiling upon his assembled kindred, 'that I am at a loss for a

word. The name of those fabulous animals (pagan, I regret to say) who used to sing in the water, has quite

The nephew with the outline of a countenance, speaking for the first and last time on that occasion,

'No,' said Mr Pecksniff, with his own peculiar urbanity, 'nor oysters. But by no means unlike oysters; a very

excellent idea; thank you, my dear sir, very much. Wait! Sirens. Dear me! sirens, of course. I think, I say, that

means might be devised of disposing our respected relative to listen to the promptings of nature, and not to

the sirenlike delusions of art. Now we must not lose sight of the fact that our esteemed friend has a

grandson, to whom he was, until lately, very much attached, and whom I could have wished to see here

today, for I have a real and deep regard for him. A fine young man. a very fine young man! I would submit

to you, whether we might not remove Mr Chuzzlewit's distrust of us, and vindicate our own disinterestedness

'If Mr George Chuzzlewit has anything to say to ME,' interposed the strongminded woman, sternly, 'I beg

him to speak out like a man; and not to look at me and my daughters as if he could eat us.'

'As to looking, I have heard it said, Mrs Ned,' returned Mr George, angrily, 'that a cat is free to contemplate a

monarch; and therefore I hope I have some right, having been born a member of this family, to look at a

person who only came into it by marriage. As to eating, I beg to say, whatever bitterness your jealousies and

'At all events, if I was a cannibal,' said Mr George Chuzzlewit, greatly stimulated by this retort, 'I think it

would occur to me that a lady who had outlived three husbands, and suffered so very little from their loss,

'And I will further add,' said Mr George, nodding his head violently at every second syllable; 'naming no

names, and therefore hurting nobody but those whose consciences tell them they are alluded to, that I think it

would be much more decent and becoming, if those who hooked and crooked themselves into this family by

getting on the blind side of some of its members before marriage, and manslaughtering them afterwards by

crowing over them to that strong pitch that they were glad to die, would refrain from acting the part of

vultures in regard to other members of this family who are living. I think it would be full as well, if not better,

if those individuals would keep at home, contenting themselves with what they have got (luckily for them)

already; instead of hovering about, and thrusting their fingers into, a family pie, which they flavour much

'I might have been prepared for this!' cried the strongminded woman, looking about her with a disdainful

smile as she moved towards the door, followed by her three daughters. 'Indeed I was fully prepared for it

'Don't direct your halfpayofficers' gaze at me, ma'am, if you please,' interposed Miss Charity; 'for I won't

This was a smart stab at a pension enjoyed by the strongminded woman, during her second widowhood and

'I passed from the memory of a grateful country, you very miserable minx,' said Mrs Ned, 'when I entered this

family; and I feel now, though I did not feel then, that it served me right, and that I lost my claim upon the

United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland when I so degraded myself. Now, my dears, if you're quite

ready, and have sufficiently improved yourselves by taking to heart the genteel example of these two young

ladies, I think we'll go. Mr Pecksniff, we are very much obliged to you, really. We came to be entertained,

and you have far surpassed our utmost expectations, in the amusement you have provided for us. Thank you.

With such departing words, did this strongminded female paralyse the Pecksniffian energies; and so she

swept out of the room, and out of the house, attended by her daughters, who, as with one accord, elevated

their three noses in the air, and joined in a contemptuous titter. As they passed the parlour window on the

outside, they were seen to counterfeit a perfect transport of delight among themselves; and with this final

Before Mr Pecksniff or any of his remaining visitors could offer a remark, another figure passed this window,

coming, at a great rate in the opposite direction; and immediately afterwards, Mr Spottletoe burst into the

chamber. Compared with his present state of heat, he had gone out a man of snow or ice. His head distilled

such oil upon his whiskers, that they were rich and clogged with unctuous drops; his face was violently

'Oh yes!' returned the other; 'oh yes, certainly! Oh to be sure! Oh, of course! You hear him? You hear him?

'Oh nothing!' cried Spottletoe, still gasping. 'Nothing at all! It's of no consequence! Ask him! HE'll tell you!'

'I do not understand our friend,' said Mr Pecksniff, looking about him in utter amazement. 'I assure you that

'Unintelligible, sir!' cried the other. 'Unintelligible! Do you mean to say, sir, that you don't know what has

happened! That you haven't decoyed us here, and laid a plot and a plan against us! Will you venture to say

that you didn't know Mr Chuzzlewit was going, sir, and that you don't know he's gone, sir?'

'Gone,' echoed Mr Spottletoe. 'Gone while we were sitting here. Gone. Nobody knows where he's gone. Oh,

of course not! Nobody knew he was going. Oh, of course not! The landlady thought up to the very last

moment that they were merely going for a ride; she had no other suspicion. Oh, of course not! She's not this

Adding to these exclamations a kind of ironical howl, and gazing upon the company for one brief instant

afterwards, in a sudden silence, the irritated gentleman started off again at the same tremendous pace, and

It was in vain for Mr Pecksniff to assure them that this new and opportune evasion of the family was at least

as great a shock and surprise to him as to anybody else. Of all the bullyings and denunciations that were ever

heaped on one unlucky head, none can ever have exceeded in energy and heartiness those with which he was

complimented by each of his remaining relatives, singly, upon bidding him farewell.

The moral position taken by Mr Tigg was something quite tremendous; and the deaf cousin, who had the

complicated aggravation of seeing all the proceedings and hearing nothing but the catastrophe, actually

scraped her shoes upon the scraper, and afterwards distributed impressions of them all over the top step, in

token that she shook the dust from her feet before quitting that dissembling and perfidious mansion.

Mr Pecksniff had, in short, but one comfort, and that was the knowledge that all these his relations and

friends had hated him to the very utmost extent before; and that he, for his part, had not distributed among

them any more love than, with his ample capital in that respect, he could comfortably afford to part with. This

view of his affairs yielded him great consolation; and the fact deserves to be noted, as showing with what

ease a good man may be consoled under circumstances of failure and disappointment.

The best of architects and land surveyors kept a horse, in whom the enemies already mentioned more than

once in these pages pretended to detect a fanciful resemblance to his master. Not in his outward person, for he

was a rawboned, haggard horse, always on a much shorter allowance of corn than Mr Pecksniff; but in his

moral character, wherein, said they, he was full of promise, but of no performance. He was always in a

manner, going to go, and never going. When at his slowest rate of travelling he would sometimes lift up his

legs so high, and display such mighty action, that it was difficult to believe he was doing less than fourteen

miles an hour; and he was for ever so perfectly satisfied with his own speed, and so little disconcerted by

opportunities of comparing himself with the fastest trotters, that the illusion was the more difficult of

resistance. He was a kind of animal who infused into the breasts of strangers a lively sense of hope, and

possessed all those who knew him better with a grim despair. In what respect, having these points of

character, he might be fairly likened to his master, that good man's slanderers only can explain. But it is a

melancholy truth, and a deplorable instance of the uncharitableness of the world, that they made the

In this horse, and the hooded vehicle, whatever its proper name might be, to which he was usually

harnessedit was more like a gig with a tumour than anything elseall Mr Pinch's thoughts and wishes

centred, one bright frosty morning; for with this gallant equipage he was about to drive to Salisbury alone,

Blessings on thy simple heart, Tom Pinch, how proudly dost thou button up that scanty coat, called by a sad

misnomer, for these many years, a 'great' one; and how thoroughly, as with thy cheerful voice thou pleasantly

adjurest Sam the hostler 'not to let him go yet,' dost thou believe that quadruped desires to go, and would go if

he might! Who could repress a smileof love for thee, Tom Pinch, and not in jest at thy expense, for thou art

poor enough already, Heaven knowsto think that such a holiday as lies before thee should awaken that

quick flow and hurry of the spirits, in which thou settest down again, almost untasted, on the kitchen

windowsill, that great white mug (put by, by thy own hands, last night, that breakfast might not hold thee

late), and layest yonder crust upon the seat beside thee, to be eaten on the road, when thou art calmer in thy

high rejoicing! Who, as thou drivest off, a happy, man, and noddest with a grateful lovingness to Pecksniff in

his nightcap at his chamberwindow, would not cry, 'Heaven speed thee, Tom, and send that thou wert going

off for ever to some quiet home where thou mightst live at peace, and sorrow should not touch thee!'

What better time for driving, riding, walking, moving through the air by any means, than a fresh, frosty

morning, when hope runs cheerily through the veins with the brisk blood, and tingles in the frame from head

to foot! This was the glad commencement of a bracing day in early winter, such as may put the languid

summer season (speaking of it when it can't be had) to the blush, and shame the spring for being sometimes

cold by halves. The sheepbells rang as clearly in the vigorous air, as if they felt its wholesome influence like

living creatures; the trees, in lieu of leaves or blossoms, shed upon the ground a frosty rime that sparkled as it

fell, and might have been the dust of diamonds. So it was to Tom. From cottage chimneys, smoke went

streaming up high, high, as if the earth had lost its grossness, being so fair, and must not be oppressed by

heavy vapour. The crust of ice on the else rippling brook was so transparent, and so thin in texture, that the

lively water might of its own free will have stoppedin Tom's glad mind it hadto look upon the lovely

morning. And lest the sun should break this charm too eagerly, there moved between him and the ground, a

mist like that which waits upon the moon on summer nightsthe very same to Tomand wooed him to

Tom Pinch went on; not fast, but with a sense of rapid motion, which did just as well; and as he went, all

kinds of things occurred to keep him happy. Thus when he came within sight of the turnpike, and wasoh a

long way off!he saw the tollman's wife, who had that moment checked a waggon, run back into the little

house again like mad, to say (she knew) that Mr Pinch was coming up. And she was right, for when he drew

within hail of the gate, forth rushed the tollman's children, shrieking in tiny chorus, 'Mr Pinch!' to Tom's

intense delight. The very tollman, though an ugly chap in general, and one whom folks were rather shy of

handling, came out himself to take the toll, and give him rough good morning; and that with all this, and a

glimpse of the family breakfast on a little round table before the fire, the crust Tom Pinch had brought away

with him acquired as rich a flavour as though it had been cut from a fairy loaf.

But there was more than this. It was not only the married people and the children who gave Tom Pinch a

welcome as he passed. No, no. Sparkling eyes and snowy breasts came hurriedly to many an upper casement

as he clattered by, and gave him back his greeting: not stinted either, but sevenfold, good measure. They were

all merry. They all laughed. And some of the wickedest among them even kissed their hands as Tom looked

And now the morning grew so fair, and all things were so wide awake and gay, that the sun seeming to

sayTom had no doubt he said'I can't stand it any longer; I must have a look,' streamed out in radiant

majesty. The mist, too shy and gentle for such lusty company, fled off, quite scared, before it; and as it swept

away, the hills and mounds and distant pasture lands, teeming with placid sheep and noisy crows, came out as

bright as though they were unrolled bran new for the occasion. In compliment to which discovery, the brook

stood still no longer, but ran briskly off to bear the tidings to the watermill, three miles away.

Mr Pinch was jogging along, full of pleasant thoughts and cheerful influences, when he saw, upon the path

before him, going in the same direction with himself, a traveller on foot, who walked with a light quick step,

and sang as he wentfor certain in a very loud voice, but not unmusically. He was a young fellow, of some

five or six andtwenty perhaps, and was dressed in such a free and flyaway fashion, that the long ends of

his loose red neckcloth were streaming out behind him quite as often as before; and the bunch of bright

winter berries in the buttonhole of his velveteen coat was as visible to Mr Pinch's rearward observation, as if

he had worn that garment wrong side foremost. He continued to sing with so much energy, that he did not

hear the sound of wheels until it was close behind him; when he turned a whimsical face and a very merry

'Why, Mark?' said Tom Pinch, stopping. 'Who'd have thought of seeing you here? Well! this is surprising!'

Mark touched his hat, and said, with a very sudden decrease of vivacity, that he was going to Salisbury.

'And how spruce you are, too!' said Mr Pinch, surveying him with great pleasure. 'Really, I didn't think you

'Thankee, Mr Pinch. Pretty well for that, I believe. It's not my fault, you know. With regard to being spruce,

'Where the aggravation of it is. Any man may be in good spirits and good temper when he's well dressed.

There an't much credit in that. If I was very ragged and very jolly, then I should begin to feel I had gained a

'So you were singing just now, to bear up, as it were, against being well dressed, eh, Mark?' said Pinch.

'Your conversation's always equal to print, sir,' rejoined Mark, with a broad grin. 'That was it.'

'Well!' cried Pinch, 'you are the strangest young man, Mark, I ever knew in my life. I always thought so; but

now I am quite certain of it. I am going to Salisbury, too. Will you get in? I shall be very glad of your

The young fellow made his acknowledgments and accepted the offer; stepping into the carriage directly, and

seating himself on the very edge of the seat with his body half out of it, to express his being there on

sufferance, and by the politeness of Mr Pinch. As they went along, the conversation proceeded after this

'I more than half believed, just now, seeing you so very smart,' said Pinch, 'that you must be going to be

'Well, sir, I've thought of that, too,' he replied. 'There might be some credit in being jolly with a wife,

'specially if the children had the measles and that, and was very fractious indeed. But I'm a'most afraid to try

'But the way would be, you know, Mark, according to your views of things,' said Mr Pinch, 'to marry

'So it would, sir; but that might be carrying out a principle a little too far, mightn't it?'

'Lord bless you, sir,' said Mark, 'you don't half know me, though. I don't believe there ever was a man as

could come out so strong under circumstances that would make other men miserable, as I could, if I could

only get a chance. But I can't get a chance. It's my opinion that nobody never will know half of what's in me,

unless something very unexpected turns up. And I don't see any prospect of that. I'm agoing to leave the

'Going to leave the Dragon!' cried Mr Pinch, looking at him with great astonishment. 'Why, Mark, you take

'Yes, sir,' he rejoined, looking straight before him and a long way off, as men do sometimes when they

cogitate profoundly. 'What's the use of my stopping at the Dragon? It an't at all the sort of place for ME.

When I left London (I'm a Kentish man by birth, though), and took that situation here, I quite made up my

mind that it was the dullest little outoftheway corner in England, and that there would be some credit in

being jolly under such circumstances. But, Lord, there's no dullness at the Dragon! Skittles, cricket, quoits,

ninepins, comic songs, choruses, company round the chimney corner every winter's evening. Any man

'But if common report be true for once, Mark, as I think it is, being able to confirm it by what I know myself,'

'There may be something in that, too, sir,' answered Mark. 'But that's no consolation.'

'Well!' said Mr Pinch, after a short silence, his usually subdued tone being even now more subdued than ever.

'I can hardly think enough of what you tell me. Why, what will become of Mrs Lupin, Mark?'

Mark looked more fixedly before him, and further off still, as he answered that he didn't suppose it would be

much of an object to her. There were plenty of smart young fellows as would be glad of the place. He knew a

'That's probable enough,' said Mr Pinch, 'but I am not at all sure that Mrs Lupin would be glad of them. Why,

I always supposed that Mrs Lupin and you would make a match of it, Mark; and so did every one, as far as I

'I never,' Mark replied, in some confusion, 'said nothing as was in a direct way courtinglike to her, nor she to

me, but I don't know what I mightn't do one of these odd times, and what she mightn't say in answer. Well,

'No, sir, certainly not,' returned the other, withdrawing his gaze from the horizon, and looking at his

fellowtraveller. 'Why that would be the ruin of a man like me. I go and sit down comfortably for life, and no

man never finds me out. What would be the credit of the landlord of the Dragon's being jolly? Why, he

'I haven't broke it to her yet, sir, but I must. I'm looking out this morning for something new and suitable,' he

'It's a good damp, wormy sort of business, sir,' said Mark, shaking his head argumentatively, 'and there might

be some credit in being jolly, with one's mind in that pursuit, unless gravediggers is usually given that way;

which would be a drawback. You don't happen to know how that is in general, do you, sir?'

'In case of that not turning out as well as one could wish, you know,' said Mark, musing again, 'there's other

businesses. Undertaking now. That's gloomy. There might be credit to be gained there. A broker's man in a

poor neighbourhood wouldn't be bad perhaps. A jailor sees a deal of misery. A doctor's man is in the very

midst of murder. A bailiff's an't a lively office nat'rally. Even a taxgatherer must find his feelings rather

worked upon, at times. There's lots of trades in which I should have an opportunity, I think.'

Mr Pinch was so perfectly overwhelmed by these remarks that he could do nothing but occasionally exchange

a word or two on some indifferent subject, and cast sidelong glances at the bright face of his odd friend (who

seemed quite unconscious of his observation), until they reached a certain corner of the road, close upon the

'But bless my soul, Mark,' said Mr Pinch, who in the progress of his observation just then made the discovery

that the bosom of his companion's shirt was as much exposed as if it was Midsummer, and was ruffled by

'Lord love you, sir!' cried Mark, 'you don't know me. My chest don't want no warming. Even if it did, what

would no waistcoat bring it to? Inflammation of the lungs, perhaps? Well, there'd be some credit in being

As Mr Pinch returned no other answer than such as was conveyed in his breathing very hard, and opening his

eyes very wide, and nodding his head very much, Mark thanked him for his ride, and without troubling him

to stop, jumped lightly down. And away he fluttered, with his red neckerchief, and his open coat, down a

crosslane; turning back from time to time to nod to Mr Pinch, and looking one of the most careless,

goodhumoured comical fellows in life. His late companion, with a thoughtful face pursued his way to

Mr Pinch had a shrewd notion that Salisbury was a very desperate sort of place; an exceeding wild and

dissipated city; and when he had put up the horse, and given the hostler to understand that he would look in

again in the course of an hour or two to see him take his corn, he set forth on a stroll about the streets with a

vague and not unpleasant idea that they teemed with all kinds of mystery and bedevilment. To one of his

quiet habits this little delusion was greatly assisted by the circumstance of its being marketday, and the

thoroughfares about the marketplace being filled with carts, horses, donkeys, baskets, waggons,

gardenstuff, meat, tripe, pies, poultry and huckster's wares of every opposite description and possible variety

of character. Then there were young farmers and old farmers with smockfrocks, brown greatcoats, drab

greatcoats, red worsted comforters, leatherleggings, wonderful shaped hats, huntingwhips, and rough

sticks, standing about in groups, or talking noisily together on the tavern steps, or paying and receiving huge

amounts of greasy wealth, with the assistance of such bulky pocketbooks that when they were in their

pockets it was apoplexy to get them out, and when they were out it was spasms to get them in again. Also

there were farmers' wives in beaver bonnets and red cloaks, riding shaggy horses purged of all earthly

passions, who went soberly into all manner of places without desiring to know why, and who, if required,

would have stood stock still in a china shop, with a complete dinnerservice at each hoof. Also a great many

dogs, who were strongly interested in the state of the market and the bargains of their masters; and a great

Mr Pinch regarded everything exposed for sale with great delight, and was particularly struck by the itinerant

cutlery, which he considered of the very keenest kind, insomuch that he purchased a pocket knife with seven

blades in it, and not a cut (as he afterwards found out) among them. When he had exhausted the market

place, and watched the farmers safe into the market dinner, he went back to look after the horse. Having seen

him eat unto his heart's content he issued forth again, to wander round the town and regale himself with the

shop windows; previously taking a long stare at the bank, and wondering in what direction underground the

caverns might be where they kept the money; and turning to look back at one or two young men who passed

him, whom he knew to be articled to solicitors in the town; and who had a sort of fearful interest in his eyes,

But the shops. First of all there were the jewellers' shops, with all the treasures of the earth displayed therein,

and such large silver watches hanging up in every pane of glass, that if they were anything but firstrate

goers it certainly was not because the works could decently complain of want of room. In good sooth they

were big enough, and perhaps, as the saying is, ugly enough, to be the most correct of all mechanical

performers; in Mr Pinch's eyes, however they were smaller than Geneva ware; and when he saw one very

bloated watch announced as a repeater, gifted with the uncommon power of striking every quarter of an hour

inside the pocket of its happy owner, he almost wished that he were rich enough to buy it.

But what were even gold and silver, precious stones and clockwork, to the bookshops, whence a pleasant

smell of paper freshly pressed came issuing forth, awakening instant recollections of some new grammar had

at school, long time ago, with 'Master Pinch, Grove House Academy,' inscribed in faultless writing on the

flyleaf! That whiff of russia leather, too, and all those rows on rows of volumes neatly ranged withinwhat

happiness did they suggest! And in the window were the spickandspan new works from London, with the

titlepages, and sometimes even the first page of the first chapter, laid wide open; tempting unwary men to

begin to read the book, and then, in the impossibility of turning over, to rush blindly in, and buy it! Here too

were the dainty frontispiece and trim vignette, pointing like handposts on the outskirts of great cities, to the

rich stock of incident beyond; and store of books, with many a grave portrait and timehonoured name,

whose matter he knew well, and would have given mines to have, in any form, upon the narrow shell beside

There was another; not quite so bad at first, but still a trying shop; where children's books were sold, and

where poor Robinson Crusoe stood alone in his might, with dog and hatchet, goatskin cap and

fowlingpieces; calmly surveying Philip Quarn and the host of imitators round him, and calling Mr Pinch to

witness that he, of all the crowd, impressed one solitary footprint on the shore of boyish memory, whereof the

tread of generations should not stir the lightest grain of sand. And there too were the Persian tales, with flying

chests and students of enchanted books shut up for years in caverns; and there too was Abudah, the merchant,

with the terrible little old woman hobbling out of the box in his bedroom; and there the mighty talisman, the

rare Arabian Nights, with Cassim Baba, divided by four, like the ghost of a dreadful sum, hanging up, all

gory, in the robbers' cave. Which matchless wonders, coming fast on Mr Pinch's mind, did so rub up and

chafe that wonderful lamp within him, that when he turned his face towards the busy street, a crowd of

phantoms waited on his pleasure, and he lived again, with new delight, the happy days before the Pecksniff

He had less interest now in the chemists' shops, with their great glowing bottles (with smaller repositories of

brightness in their very stoppers); and in their agreeable compromises between medicine and perfumery, in

the shape of toothsome lozenges and virgin honey. Neither had he the least regard (but he never had much)

for the tailors', where the newest metropolitan waistcoat patterns were hanging up, which by some strange

transformation always looked amazing there, and never appeared at all like the same thing anywhere else. But

he stopped to read the playbill at the theatre and surveyed the doorway with a kind of awe, which was not

diminished when a sallow gentleman with long dark hair came out, and told a boy to run home to his

lodgings and bring down his broadsword. Mr Pinch stood rooted to the spot on hearing this, and might have

stood there until dark, but that the old cathedral bell began to ring for vesper service, on which he tore

Now, the organist's assistant was a friend of Mr Pinch's, which was a good thing, for he too was a very quiet

gentle soul, and had been, like Tom, a kind of oldfashioned boy at school, though well liked by the noisy

fellow too. As good luck would have it (Tom always said he had great good luck) the assistant chanced that

very afternoon to be on duty by himself, with no one in the dusty organ loft but Tom; so while he played,

Tom helped him with the stops; and finally, the service being just over, Tom took the organ himself. It was

then turning dark, and the yellow light that streamed in through the ancient windows in the choir was mingled

with a murky red. As the grand tones resounded through the church, they seemed, to Tom, to find an echo in

the depth of every ancient tomb, no less than in the deep mystery of his own heart. Great thoughts and hopes

came crowding on his mind as the rich music rolled upon the air and yet among themsomething more

grave and solemn in their purpose, but the samewere all the images of that day, down to its very lightest

recollection of childhood. The feeling that the sounds awakened, in the moment of their existence, seemed to

include his whole life and being; and as the surrounding realities of stone and wood and glass grew dimmer in

the darkness, these visions grew so much the brighter that Tom might have forgotten the new pupil and the

expectant master, and have sat there pouring out his grateful heart till midnight, but for a very earthy old

verger insisting on locking up the cathedral forthwith. So he took leave of his friend, with many thanks,

groped his way out, as well as he could, into the now lamplighted streets, and hurried off to get his dinner.

All the farmers being by this time jogging homewards, there was nobody in the sanded parlour of the tavern

where he had left the horse; so he had his little table drawn out close before the fire, and fell to work upon a

wellcooked steak and smoking hot potatoes, with a strong appreciation of their excellence, and a very keen

sense of enjoyment. Beside him, too, there stood a jug of most stupendous Wiltshire beer; and the effect of

the whole was so transcendent, that he was obliged every now and then to lay down his knife and fork, rub

his hands, and think about it. By the time the cheese and celery came, Mr Pinch had taken a book out of his

pocket, and could afford to trifle with the viands; now eating a little, now drinking a little, now reading a

little, and now stopping to wonder what sort of a young man the new pupil would turn out to be. He had

passed from this latter theme and was deep in his book again, when the door opened, and another guest came

in, bringing with him such a quantity of cold air, that he positively seemed at first to put the fire out.

'Very hard frost tonight, sir,' said the newcomer, courteously acknowledging Mr Pinch's withdrawal of the

Though he said this with a vast amount of consideration for Mr Pinch's comfort, he dragged one of the great

leatherbottomed chairs to the very centre of the hearth, notwithstanding; and sat down in front of the fire,

'That accounts for his making the room so cool,' thought Mr Pinch. 'Poor fellow! How thoroughly chilled he

The stranger became thoughtful likewise, and sat for five or ten minutes looking at the fire in silence. At

length he rose and divested himself of his shawl and greatcoat, which (far different from Mr Pinch's) was a

very warm and thick one; but he was not a whit more conversational out of his greatcoat than in it, for he sat

down again in the same place and attitude, and leaning back in his chair, began to bite his nails. He was

youngoneandtwenty, perhapsand handsome; with a keen dark eye, and a quickness of look and

manner which made Tom sensible of a great contrast in his own bearing, and caused him to feel even more

There was a clock in the room, which the stranger often turned to look at. Tom made frequent reference to it

also; partly from a nervous sympathy with its taciturn companion; and partly because the new pupil was to

inquire for him at half after six, and the hands were getting on towards that hour. Whenever the stranger

caught him looking at this clock, a kind of confusion came upon Tom as if he had been found out in

something; and it was a perception of his uneasiness which caused the younger man to say, perhaps, with a

'We both appear to be rather particular about the time. The fact is, I have an engagement to meet a gentleman

'At halfpast six,' said Tom in the very same breath; whereupon the other looked at him with some surprise.

'The young gentleman, I expect,' remarked Tom, timidly, 'was to inquire at that time for a person by the name

'Dear me!' cried the other, jumping up. 'And I have been keeping the fire from you all this while! I had no

idea you were Mr Pinch. I am the Mr Martin for whom you were to inquire. Pray excuse me. How do you do?

'Thank you,' said Tom, 'thank you. I am not at all cold, and you are; and we have a cold ride before us. Well,

if you wish it, I will. II am very glad,' said Tom, smiling with an embarrassed frankness peculiarly his, and

which was as plainly a confession of his own imperfections, and an appeal to the kindness of the person he

addressed, as if he had drawn one up in simple language and committed it to paper: 'I am very glad indeed

that you turn out to be the party I expected. I was thinking, but a minute ago, that I could wish him to be like

'I am very glad to hear it,' returned Martin, shaking hands with him again; 'for I assure you, I was thinking

'Upon my word I am,' replied his new acquaintance. 'You and I will get on excellently well, I know; which it's

no small relief to me to feel, for to tell you the truth, I am not at all the sort of fellow who could get on with

everybody, and that's the point on which I had the greatest doubts. But they're quite relieved now.Do me

Mr Pinch rose, and complied with great alacritythe handle hung just over Martin's head, as he warmed

himselfand listened with a smiling face to what his friend went on to say. It was:

'If you like punch, you'll allow me to order a glass apiece, as hot as it can be made, that we may usher in our

friendship in a becoming manner. To let you into a secret, Mr Pinch, I never was so much in want of

something warm and cheering in my life; but I didn't like to run the chance of being found drinking it,

without knowing what kind of person you were; for first impressions, you know, often go a long way, and

Mr Pinch assented, and the punch was ordered. In due course it came; hot and strong. After drinking to each

'Yes. My grandfather is his cousin, so he's kith and kin to me, somehow, if you can make that out. I can't.'

'Of course it is,' returned his friend: 'I wish it was my surname for my own is not a very pretty one, and it

'You're not surprised at my having two names, I suppose?' returned the other, setting his glass to his lips.

'Oh, no,' said Mr Pinch, 'not at all. Oh dear no! Well!' And then remembering that Mr Pecksniff had privately

cautioned him to say nothing in reference to the old gentleman of the same name who had lodged at the

Dragon, but to reserve all mention of that person for him, he had no better means of hiding his confusion than

by raising his own glass to his mouth. They looked at each other out of their respective tumblers for a few

'I told them in the stable to be ready for us ten minutes ago,' said Mr Pinch, glancing at the clock again. 'Shall

'Would you like to drive?' said Mr Pinch; his whole face beaming with a consciousness of the splendour of

'Why, that depends, Mr Pinch,' said Martin, laughing, 'upon what sort of a horse you have. Because if he's a

bad one, I would rather keep my hands warm by holding them comfortably in my greatcoat pockets.'

He appeared to think this such a good joke, that Mr Pinch was quite sure it must be a capital one.

Accordingly, he laughed too, and was fully persuaded that he enjoyed it very much. Then he settled his bill,

and Mr Chuzzlewit paid for the punch; and having wrapped themselves up, to the extent of their respective

means, they went out together to the front door, where Mr Pecksniff's property stopped the way.

'I won't drive, thank you, Mr Pinch,' said Martin, getting into the sitter's place. 'By the bye, there's a box of

It was not precisely of that convenient size which would admit of its being squeezed into any odd corner, but

Dick the hostler got it in somehow, and Mr Chuzzlewit helped him. It was all on Mr Pinch's side, and Mr

Chuzzlewit said he was very much afraid it would encumber him; to which Tom said, 'Not at all;' though it

forced him into such an awkward position, that he had much ado to see anything but his own knees. But it is

an ill wind that blows nobody any good; and the wisdom of the saying was verified in this instance; for the

cold air came from Mr Pinch's side of the carriage, and by interposing a perfect wall of box and man between

it and the new pupil, he shielded that young gentleman effectually; which was a great comfort.

It was a clear evening, with a bright moon. The whole landscape was silvered by its light and by the

hoarfrost; and everything looked exquisitely beautiful. At first, the great serenity and peace through which

they travelled, disposed them both to silence; but in a very short time the punch within them and the healthful

air without, made them loquacious, and they talked incessantly. When they were halfway home, and stopped

to give the horse some water, Martin (who was very generous with his money) ordered another glass of

punch, which they drank between them, and which had not the effect of making them less conversational than

before. Their principal topic of discourse was naturally Mr Pecksniff and his family; of whom, and of the

great obligations they had heaped upon him, Tom Pinch, with the tears standing in his eyes, drew such a

picture as would have inclined any one of common feeling almost to revere them; and of which Mr Pecksniff

had not the slightest foresight or preconceived idea, or he certainly (being very humble) would not have sent

In this way they went on, and on, and onin the language of the storybooksuntil at last the village lights

appeared before them, and the church spire cast a long reflection on the graveyard grass; as if it were a dial

(alas, the truest in the world!) marking, whatever light shone out of Heaven, the flight of days and weeks and

'A pretty church!' said Martin, observing that his companion slackened the slack pace of the horse, as they

'Is it not?' cried Tom, with great pride. 'There's the sweetest little organ there you ever heard. I play it for

'Indeed?' said Martin. 'It is hardly worth the trouble, I should think. What do you get for that, now?'

'When I say nothing,' observed Mr Pinch, cheerfully, 'I am wrong, and don't say what I mean, because I get a

great deal of pleasure from it, and the means of passing some of the happiest hours I know. It led to

something else the other day; but you will not care to hear about that I dare say?'

'It led to my seeing,' said Tom, in a lower voice, 'one of the loveliest and most beautiful faces you can

'And yet I am able to picture a beautiful one,' said his friend, thoughtfully, 'or should be, if I have any

'She came' said Tom, laying his hand upon the other's arm, 'for the first time very early in the morning, when

it was hardly light; and when I saw her, over my shoulder, standing just within the porch, I turned quite cold,

almost believing her to be a spirit. A moment's reflection got the better of that, of course, and fortunately it

'Why? Because she stood there, listening. I had my spectacles on, and saw her through the chinks in the

curtains as plainly as I see you; and she was beautiful. After a while she glided off, and I continued to play

'Don't you see?' responded Tom. 'Because she might suppose I hadn't seen her; and might return.'

'Certainly she did. Next morning, and next evening too; but always when there were no people about, and

always alone. I rose earlier and sat there later, that when she came, she might find the church door open, and

the organ playing, and might not be disappointed. She strolled that way for some days, and always stayed to

listen. But she is gone now, and of all unlikely things in this wide world, it is perhaps the most improbable

'Why should I distress her by doing that?' said Tom Pinch. 'Is it likely that she wanted my company? She

came to hear the organ, not to see me; and would you have had me scare her from a place she seemed to grow

quite fond of? Now, Heaven bless her!' cried Tom, 'to have given her but a minute's pleasure every day, I

would have gone on playing the organ at those times until I was an old man; quite contented if she sometimes

thought of a poor fellow like me, as a part of the music; and more than recompensed if she ever mixed me up

The new pupil was clearly very much amazed by Mr Pinch's weakness, and would probably have told him so,

and given him some good advice, but for their opportune arrival at Mr Pecksniff's door; the front door this

time, on account of the occasion being one of ceremony and rejoicing. The same man was in waiting for the

horse who had been adjured by Mr Pinch in the morning not to yield to his rabid desire to start; and after

delivering the animal into his charge, and beseeching Mr Chuzzlewit in a whisper never to reveal a syllable of

what he had just told him in the fullness of his heart, Tom led the pupil in, for instant presentation.

Mr Pecksniff had clearly not expected them for hours to come; for he was surrounded by open books, and

was glancing from volume to volume, with a black leadpencil in his mouth, and a pair of compasses in his

hand, at a vast number of mathematical diagrams, of such extraordinary shapes that they looked like designs

for fireworks. Neither had Miss Charity expected them, for she was busied, with a capacious wicker basket

before her, in making impracticable nightcaps for the poor. Neither had Miss Mercy expected them, for she

was sitting upon her stool, tying on theoh good gracious!the petticoat of a large doll that she was

dressing for a neighbour's childreally, quite a grownup doll, which made it more confusingand had its

little bonnet dangling by the ribbon from one of her fair curls, to which she had fastened it lest it should be

lost or sat upon. It would be difficult, if not impossible, to conceive a family so thoroughly taken by surprise

Bless my life!' said Mr Pecksniff, looking up, and gradually exchanging his abstracted face for one of joyful

recognition. 'Here already! Martin, my dear boy, I am delighted to welcome you to my poor house!'

With this kind greeting, Mr Pecksniff fairly took him to his arms, and patted him several times upon the back

with his right hand the while, as if to express that his feelings during the embrace were too much for

'But here,' he said, recovering, 'are my daughters, Martin; my two only children, whom (if you ever saw

them) you have not beheldah, these sad family divisions!since you were infants together. Nay, my

dears, why blush at being detected in your everyday pursuits? We had prepared to give you the reception of a

visitor, Martin, in our little room of state,' said Mr Pecksniff, smiling, 'but I like this better, I like this better!'

Oh blessed star of Innocence, wherever you may be, how did you glitter in your home of ether, when the two

Miss Pecksniffs put forth each her lily hand, and gave the same, with mantling cheeks, to Martin! How did

you twinkle, as if fluttering with sympathy, when Mercy, reminded of the bonnet in her hair, hid her fair face

and turned her head aside; the while her gentle sister plucked it out, and smote her with a sister's soft reproof,

'And how,' said Mr Pecksniff, turning round after the contemplation of these passages, and taking Mr Pinch in

'Old Tom Pinch!' said Mr Pecksniff, looking on him with affectionate sadness. 'Ah! It seems but yesterday

that Thomas was a boy fresh from a scholastic course. Yet years have passed, I think, since Thomas Pinch

Mr Pinch could say nothing. He was too much moved. But he pressed his master's hand, and tried to thank

'And Thomas Pinch and I,' said Mr Pecksniff, in a deeper voice, 'will walk it yet, in mutual faithfulness and

friendship! And if it comes to pass that either of us be run over in any of those busy crossings which divide

the streets of life, the other will convey him to the hospital in Hope, and sit beside his bed in Bounty!'

'Well, well, well!' he added in a happier tone, as he shook Mr Pinch's elbow hard. 'No more of this! Martin,

my dear friend, that you may be at home within these walls, let me show you how we live, and where. Come!'

With that he took up a lighted candle, and, attended by his young relative, prepared to leave the room. At the

Aye, cheerfully, though it had been to death, would Tom have followed him; glad to lay down his life for

'This,' said Mr Pecksniff, opening the door of an opposite parlour, 'is the little room of state, I mentioned to

you. My girls have pride in it, Martin! This,' opening another door, 'is the little chamber in which my works

(slight things at best) have been concocted. Portrait of myself by Spiller. Bust by Spoker. The latter is

considered a good likeness. I seem to recognize something about the lefthand corner of the nose, myself.'

Martin thought it was very like, but scarcely intellectual enough. Mr Pecksniff observed that the same fault

had been found with it before. It was remarkable it should have struck his young relation too. He was glad to

'Various books you observe,' said Mr Pecksniff, waving his hand towards the wall, 'connected with our

pursuit. I have scribbled myself, but have not yet published. Be careful how you come upstairs. This,' opening

another door, 'is my chamber. I read here when the family suppose I have retired to rest. Sometimes I injure

my health rather more than I can quite justify to myself, by doing so; but art is long and time is short. Every

These latter words were explained by his pointing to a small round table on which were a lamp, divers sheets

of paper, a piece of India rubber, and a case of instruments; all put ready, in case an architectural idea should

come into Mr Pecksniff's head in the night; in which event he would instantly leap out of bed, and fix it for

Mr Pecksniff opened another door on the same floor, and shut it again, all at once, as if it were a Blue

Chamber. But before he had well done so, he looked smilingly round, and said, 'Why not?'

Martin couldn't say why not, because he didn't know anything at all about it. So Mr Pecksniff answered

'My daughters' room. A poor firstfloor to us, but a bower to them. Very neat. Very airy. Plants you observe;

hyacinths; books again; birds.' These birds, by the bye, comprised, in all, one staggering old sparrow without

a tail, which had been borrowed expressly from the kitchen. 'Such trifles as girls love are here. Nothing more.

'This,' said Mr Pecksniff, throwing wide the door of the memorable twopair front; 'is a room where some

talent has been developed I believe. This is a room in which an idea for a steeple occurred to me that I may

one day give to the world. We work here, my dear Martin. Some architects have been bred in this room; a

'You see,' said Mr Pecksniff, passing the candle rapidly from roll to roll of paper, 'some traces of our doings

here. Salisbury Cathedral from the north. From the south. From the east. From the west. From the southeast.

From the nor'west. A bridge. An almshouse. A jail. A church. A powdermagazine. A winecellar. A portico.

A summerhouse. An icehouse. Plans, elevations, sections, every kind of thing. And this,' he added, having

by this time reached another large chamber on the same story, with four little beds in it, 'this is your room, of

which Mr Pinch here is the quiet sharer. A southern aspect; a charming prospect; Mr Pinch's little library, you

perceive; everything agreeable and appropriate. If there is any additional comfort you would desire to have

here at anytime, pray mention it. Even to strangers, far less to you, my dear Martin, there is no restriction on

It was undoubtedly true, and may be stated in corroboration of Mr Pecksniff, that any pupil had the most

liberal permission to mention anything in this way that suggested itself to his fancy. Some young gentlemen

had gone on mentioning the very same thing for five years without ever being stopped.

'The domestic assistants,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'sleep above; and that is all.' After which, and listening

complacently as he went, to the encomiums passed by his young friend on the arrangements generally, he led

Here a great change had taken place; for festive preparations on a rather extensive scale were already

completed, and the two Miss Pecksniffs were awaiting their return with hospitable looks. There were two

bottles of currant wine, white and red; a dish of sandwiches (very long and very slim); another of apples;

another of captain's biscuits (which are always a moist and jovial sort of viand); a plate of oranges cut up

small and gritty; with powdered sugar, and a highly geological homemade cake. The magnitude of these

preparations quite took away Tom Pinch's breath; for though the new pupils were usually let down softly, as

one may say, particularly in the wine department, which had so many stages of declension, that sometimes a

young gentleman was a whole fortnight in getting to the pump; still this was a banquet; a sort of Lord

Mayor's feast in private life; a something to think of, and hold on by, afterwards.

To this entertainment, which apart from its own intrinsic merits, had the additional choice quality, that it was

in strict keeping with the night, being both light and cool, Mr Pecksniff besought the company to do full

'Martin,' he said, 'will seat himself between you two, my dears, and Mr Pinch will come by me. Let us drink

to our new inmate, and may we be happy together! Martin, my dear friend, my love to you! Mr Pinch, if you

And trying (in his regard for the feelings of the rest) to look as if the wine were not acid and didn't make him

'This,' he said, in allusion to the party, not the wine, 'is a mingling that repays one for much disappointment

and vexation. Let us be merry.' Here he took a captain's biscuit. 'It is a poor heart that never rejoices; and our

With such stimulants to merriment did he beguile the time, and do the honours of the table; while Mr Pinch,

perhaps to assure himself that what he saw and heard was holiday reality, and not a charming dream, ate of

everything, and in particular disposed of the slim sandwiches to a surprising extent. Nor was he stinted in his

draughts of wine; but on the contrary, remembering Mr Pecksniff's speech, attacked the bottle with such

vigour, that every time he filled his glass anew, Miss Charity, despite her amiable resolves, could not repress

a fixed and stony glare, as if her eyes had rested on a ghost. Mr Pecksniff also became thoughtful at those

moments, not to say dejected; but as he knew the vintage, it is very likely he may have been speculating on

the probable condition of Mr Pinch upon the morrow, and discussing within himself the best remedies for

Martin and the young ladies were excellent friends already, and compared recollections of their childish days,

to their mutual liveliness and entertainment. Miss Mercy laughed immensely at everything that was said; and

sometimes, after glancing at the happy face of Mr Pinch, was seized with such fits of mirth as brought her to

the very confines of hysterics. But for these bursts of gaiety, her sister, in her better sense, reproved her;

observing, in an angry whisper, that it was far from being a theme for jest; and that she had no patience with

the creature; though it generally ended in her laughing toobut much more moderatelyand saying that

At length it became high time to remember the first clause of that great discovery made by the ancient

philosopher, for securing health, riches, and wisdom; the infallibility of which has been for generations

verified by the enormous fortunes constantly amassed by chimneysweepers and other persons who get up

early and go to bed betimes. The young ladies accordingly rose, and having taken leave of Mr Chuzzlewit

with much sweetness, and of their father with much duty and of Mr Pinch with much condescension, retired

to their bower. Mr Pecksniff insisted on accompanying his young friend upstairs for personal superintendence

of his comforts; and taking him by the arm, conducted him once more to his bedroom, followed by Mr Pinch,

'Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff, seating himself with folded arms on one of the spare beds. 'I don't see any snuffers

'You will excuse Thomas Pinch's want of polish, Martin,' said Mr Pecksniff, with a smile of patronage and

'Oh, yes,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Yes. Thomas Pinch means well. He is very grateful. I have never regretted

'No,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'No. I hope not. Poor fellow, he is always disposed to do his best; but he is not gifted.

You will make him useful to you, Martin, if you please. If Thomas has a fault, it is that he is sometimes a

little apt to forget his position. But that is soon checked. Worthy soul! You will find him easy to manage.

'And good night to YOU, Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff. 'And sound sleep to you both. Bless you! Bless you!'

Invoking this benediction on the heads of his young friends with great fervour, he withdrew to his own room;

while they, being tired, soon fell asleep. If Martin dreamed at all, some clue to the matter of his visions may

possibly be gathered from the afterpages of this history. Those of Thomas Pinch were all of holidays,

church organs, and seraphic Pecksniffs. It was some time before Mr Pecksniff dreamed at all, or even sought

his pillow, as he sat for full two hours before the fire in his own chamber, looking at the coals and thinking

deeply. But he, too, slept and dreamed at last. Thus in the quiet hours of the night, one house shuts in as many

It was morning; and the beautiful Aurora, of whom so much hath been written, said, and sung, did, with her

rosy fingers, nip and tweak Miss Pecksniff's nose. It was the frolicsome custom of the Goddess, in her

intercourse with the fair Cherry, so to do; or in more prosaic phrase, the tip of that feature in the sweet girl's

countenance was always very red at breakfasttime. For the most part, indeed, it wore, at that season of the

day, a scraped and frosty look, as if it had been rasped; while a similar phenomenon developed itself in her

humour, which was then observed to be of a sharp and acid quality, as though an extra lemon (figuratively

speaking) had been squeezed into the nectar of her disposition, and had rather damaged its flavour.

This additional pungency on the part of the fair young creature led, on ordinary occasions, to such slight

consequences as the copious dilution of Mr Pinch's tea, or to his coming off uncommonly short in respect of

butter, or to other the like results. But on the morning after the Installation Banquet, she suffered him to

wander to and fro among the eatables and drinkables, a perfectly free and unchecked man; so utterly to Mr

Pinch's wonder and confusion, that like the wretched captive who recovered his liberty in his old age, he

could make but little use of his enlargement, and fell into a strange kind of flutter for want of some kind hand

to scrape his bread, and cut him off in the article of sugar with a lump, and pay him those other little

attentions to which he was accustomed. There was something almost awful, too, about the selfpossession of

the new pupil; who 'troubled' Mr Pecksniff for the loaf, and helped himself to a rasher of that gentleman's

own particular and private bacon, with all the coolness in life. He even seemed to think that he was doing

quite a regular thing, and to expect that Mr Pinch would follow his example, since he took occasion to

observe of that young man 'that he didn't get on'; a speech of so tremendous a character, that Tom cast down

his eyes involuntarily, and felt as if he himself had committed some horrible deed and heinous breach of Mr

Pecksniff's confidence. Indeed, the agony of having such an indiscreet remark addressed to him before the

assembled family, was breakfast enough in itself, and would, without any other matter of reflection, have

settled Mr Pinch's business and quenched his appetite, for one meal, though he had been never so hungry.

The young ladies, however, and Mr Pecksniff likewise, remained in the very best of spirits in spite of these

severe trials, though with something of a mysterious understanding among themselves. When the meal was

nearly over, Mr Pecksniff smilingly explained the cause of their common satisfaction.

'It is not often,' he said, 'Martin, that my daughters and I desert our quiet home to pursue the giddy round of

'Yes,' said Mr Pecksniff, tapping his left hand with a letter which he held in his right. 'I have a summons here

to repair to London; on professional business, my dear Martin; strictly on professional business; and I

promised my girls, long ago, that whenever that happened again, they should accompany me. We shall go

forth to night by the heavy coachlike the dove of old, my dear Martinand it will be a week before we

again deposit our olivebranches in the passage. When I say olivebranches,' observed Mr Pecksniff, in

'Oh! that I'm sure we shall!' cried Mercy, clapping her hands. 'Good gracious, Cherry, my darling, the idea of

'Ardent child!' said Mr Pecksniff, gazing on her in a dreamy way. 'And yet there is a melancholy sweetness in

these youthful hopes! It is pleasant to know that they never can be realised. I remember thinking once myself,

in the days of my childhood, that pickled onions grew on trees, and that every elephant was born with an

impregnable castle on his back. I have not found the fact to be so; far from it; and yet those visions have

comforted me under circumstances of trial. Even when I have had the anguish of discovering that I have

nourished in my breast on ostrich, and not a human pupileven in that hour of agony, they have soothed

At this dread allusion to John Westlock, Mr Pinch precipitately choked in his tea; for he had that very

'You will take care, my dear Martin,' said Mr Pecksniff, resuming his former cheerfulness, 'that the house

does not run away in our absence. We leave you in charge of everything. There is no mystery; all is free and

open. Unlike the young man in the Eastern talewho is described as a oneeyed almanac, if I am not

'They are pretty nearly the same thing, I believe,' said Mr Pecksniff, smiling compassionately; 'or they used to

be in my time. Unlike that young man, my dear Martin, you are forbidden to enter no corner of this house;

but are requested to make yourself perfectly at home in every part of it. You will be jovial, my dear Martin,

There was not the least objection, doubtless, to the young man's slaughtering and appropriating to his own

use any calf, fat or lean, that he might happen to find upon the premises; but as no such animal chanced at

that time to be grazing on Mr Pecksniff's estate, this request must be considered rather as a polite compliment

that a substantial hospitality. It was the finishing ornament of the conversation; for when he had delivered it,

Mr Pecksniff rose and led the way to that hotbed of architectural genius, the twopair front.

'Let me see,' he said, searching among the papers, 'how you can best employ yourself, Martin, while I am

absent. Suppose you were to give me your idea of a monument to a Lord Mayor of London; or a tomb for a

sheriff; or your notion of a cowhouse to be erected in a nobleman's park. Do you know, now,' said Mr

Pecksniff, folding his hands, and looking at his young relation with an air of pensive interest, 'that I should

'A pump,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'is very chaste practice. I have found that a lamp post is calculated to refine the

mind and give it a classical tendency. An ornamental turnpike has a remarkable effect upon the imagination.

'Stay,' said that gentleman. 'Come! as you're ambitious, and are a very neat draughtsman, you shallha

ha!you shall try your hand on these proposals for a grammarschool; regulating your plan, of course, by

the printed particulars. Upon my word, now,' said Mr Pecksniff, merrily, 'I shall be very curious to see what

you make of the grammarschool. Who knows but a young man of your taste might hit upon something,

impracticable and unlikely in itself, but which I could put into shape? For it really is, my dear Martin, it really

is in the finishing touches alone, that great experience and long study in these matters tell. Ha, ha, ha! Now it

really will be,' continued Mr Pecksniff, clapping his young friend on the back in his droll humour, 'an

Martin readily undertook this task, and Mr Pecksniff forthwith proceeded to entrust him with the materials

necessary for its execution; dwelling meanwhile on the magical effect of a few finishing touches from the

hand of a master; which, indeed, as some people said (and these were the old enemies again!) was

unquestionably very surprising, and almost miraculous; as there were cases on record in which the masterly

introduction of an additional back window, or a kitchen door, or halfadozen steps, or even a water spout,

had made the design of a pupil Mr Pecksniff's own work, and had brought substantial rewards into that

gentleman's pocket. But such is the magic of genius, which changes all it handles into gold!

'When your mind requires to be refreshed by change of occupation,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'Thomas Pinch will

instruct you in the art of surveying the back garden, or in ascertaining the dead level of the road between this

house and the fingerpost, or in any other practical and pleasing pursuit. There are a cartload of loose

bricks, and a score or two of old flowerpots, in the back yard. If you could pile them up my dear Martin,

into any form which would remind me on my return say of St. Peter's at Rome, or the Mosque of St. Sophia

at Constantinople, it would be at once improving to you and agreeable to my feelings. And now,' said Mr

Pecksniff, in conclusion, 'to drop, for the present, our professional relations and advert to private matters, I

Martin attended him; and they remained in secret conference together for an hour or more; leaving Tom

Pinch alone. When the young man returned, he was very taciturn and dull, in which state he remained all day;

so that Tom, after trying him once or twice with indifferent conversation, felt a delicacy in obtruding himself

He would not have had leisure to say much, had his new friend been ever so loquacious; for first of all Mr

Pecksniff called him down to stand upon the top of his portmanteau and represent ancient statues there, until

such time as it would consent to be locked; and then Miss Charity called him to come and cord her trunk; and

then Miss Mercy sent for him to come and mend her box; and then he wrote the fullest possible cards for all

the luggage; and then he volunteered to carry it all downstairs; and after that to see it safely carried on a

couple of barrows to the old fingerpost at the end of the lane; and then to mind it till the coach came up. In

short, his day's work would have been a pretty heavy one for a porter, but his thorough goodwill made

nothing of it; and as he sat upon the luggage at last, waiting for the Pecksniffs, escorted by the new pupil, to

come down the lane, his heart was light with the hope of having pleased his benefactor.

'I was almost afraid,' said Tom, taking a letter from his pocket and wiping his face, for he was hot with

bustling about though it was a cold day, 'that I shouldn't have had time to write it, and that would have been a

thousand pities; postage from such a distance being a serious consideration, when one's not rich. She will be

glad to see my hand, poor girl, and to hear that Pecksniff is as kind as ever. I would have asked John

Westlock to call and see her, and tell her all about me by word of mouth, but I was afraid he might speak

against Pecksniff to her, and make her uneasy. Besides, they are particular people where she is, and it might

have rendered her situation uncomfortable if she had had a visit from a young man like John. Poor Ruth!'

Tom Pinch seemed a little disposed to be melancholy for half a minute or so, but he found comfort very soon,

'I'm a nice man, I don't think, as John used to say (John was a kind, merryhearted fellow; I wish he had liked

Pecksniff better), to be feeling low, on account of the distance between us, when I ought to be thinking,

instead, of my extraordinary good luck in having ever got here. I must have been born with a silver spoon in

my mouth, I am sure, to have ever come across Pecksniff. And here have I fallen again into my usual good

luck with the new pupil! Such an affable, generous, free fellow, as he is, I never saw. Why, we were

companions directly! and he a relation of Pecksniff's too, and a clever, dashing youth who might cut his way

through the world as if it were a cheese! Here he comes while the words are on my lips' said Tom; 'walking

In truth, the new pupil, not at all disconcerted by the honour of having Miss Mercy Pecksniff on his arm, or

by the affectionate adieux of that young lady, approached as Mr Pinch spoke, followed by Miss Charity and

Mr Pecksniff. As the coach appeared at the same moment, Tom lost no time in entreating the gentleman last

'Oh!' said Mr Pecksniff, glancing at the superscription. 'For your sister, Thomas. Yes, oh yes, it shall be

delivered, Mr Pinch. Make your mind easy upon that score. She shall certainly have it, Mr Pinch.'

He made the promise with so much condescension and patronage, that Tom felt he had asked a great deal

(this had not occurred to his mind before), and thanked him earnestly. The Miss Pecksniffs, according to a

custom they had, were amused beyond description at the mention of Mr Pinch's sister. Oh the fright! The bare

Tom was greatly pleased to see them so merry, for he took it as a token of their favour, and goodhumoured

regard. Therefore he laughed too and rubbed his hands and wished them a pleasant journey and safe return,

and was quite brisk. Even when the coach had rolled away with the olivebranches in the boot and the family

of doves inside, he stood waving his hand and bowing; so much gratified by the unusually courteous

demeanour of the young ladies, that he was quite regardless, for the moment, of Martin Chuzzlewit, who

stood leaning thoughtfully against the fingerpost, and who after disposing of his fair charge had hardly lifted

The perfect silence which ensued upon the bustle and departure of the coach, together with the sharp air of

the wintry afternoon, roused them both at the same time. They turned, as by mutual consent, and moved off

'Nothing worth speaking of,' said Martin. 'Very little more than was the matter yesterday, and much more, I

'Well,' cried Tom, 'now do you know I am in capital spirits today, and scarcely ever felt more disposed to be

good company. It was a very kind thing in your predecessor, John, to write to me, was it not?'

'Why, yes,' said Martin carelessly; 'I should have thought he would have had enough to do to enjoy himself,

'Just what I felt to be so very likely,' Tom rejoined; 'but no, he keeps his word, and says, "My dear Pinch, I

often think of you," and all sorts of kind and considerate things of that description.'

'He must be a devilish goodnatured fellow,' said Martin, somewhat peevishly: 'because he can't mean that,

'I don't suppose he can, eh?' said Tom, looking wistfully in his companion's face. 'He says so to please me,

'Why, is it likely,' rejoined Martin, with greater earnestness, 'that a young man newly escaped from this

kennel of a place, and fresh to all the delights of being his own master in London, can have much leisure or

inclination to think favourably of anything or anybody he has left behind him here? I put it to you, Pinch, is it

After a short reflection, Mr Pinch replied, in a more subdued tone, that to be sure it was unreasonable to

'Yes, I feel that,' said Mr Pinch mildly. 'I said so.' And when he had made this rejoinder, they fell into a blank

Now, Miss Charity Pecksniff, in consideration of the inconvenience of carrying them with her in the coach,

and the impossibility of preserving them by artificial means until the family's return, had set forth, in a couple

of plates, the fragments of yesterday's feast. In virtue of which liberal arrangement, they had the happiness to

find awaiting them in the parlour two chaotic heaps of the remains of last night's pleasure, consisting of

certain filmy bits of oranges, some mummied sandwiches, various disrupted masses of the geological cake,

and several entire captain's biscuits. That choice liquor in which to steep these dainties might not be wanting,

the remains of the two bottles of currant wine had been poured together and corked with a curlpaper; so that

Martin Chuzzlewit beheld these roystering preparations with infinite contempt, and stirring the fire into a

blaze (to the great destruction of Mr Pecksniff's coals), sat moodily down before it, in the most comfortable

chair he could find. That he might the better squeeze himself into the small corner that was left for him, Mr

Pinch took up his position on Miss Mercy Pecksniff's stool, and setting his glass down upon the hearthrug

If Diogenes coming to life again could have rolled himself, tub and all, into Mr Pecksniff's parlour and could

have seen Tom Pinch as he sat on Mercy Pecksniff's stool with his plate and glass before him he could not

have faced it out, though in his surliest mood, but must have smiled goodtemperedly. The perfect and entire

satisfaction of Tom; his surpassing appreciation of the husky sandwiches, which crumbled in his mouth like

sawdust; the unspeakable relish with which he swallowed the thin wine by drops, and smacked his lips, as

though it were so rich and generous that to lose an atom of its fruity flavour were a sin; the look with which

he paused sometimes, with his glass in his hand, proposing silent toasts to himself; and the anxious shade that

came upon his contented face when, after wandering round the room, exulting in its uninvaded snugness, his

glance encountered the dull brow of his companion; no cynic in the world, though in his hatred of its men a

Some men would have slapped him on the back, and pledged him in a bumper of the currant wine, though it

had been the sharpest vinegar aye, and liked its flavour too; some would have seized him by his honest

hand, and thanked him for the lesson that his simple nature taught them. Some would have laughed with, and

others would have laughed at him; of which last class was Martin Chuzzlewit, who, unable to restrain

At which encouragement young Martin laughed again; and said, as soon as he had breath and gravity enough:

'Didn't you though?' said Tom. 'Well, it's very likely you do find me strange, because I have hardly seen

'Pretty well for my time of life,' rejoined Martin, drawing his chair still nearer to the fire, and spreading his

feet out on the fender. 'Deuce take it, I must talk openly to somebody. I'll talk openly to you, Pinch.'

'I'm not in your way, am I?' inquired Martin, glancing down at Mr Pinch, who was by this time looking at the

'You must know then, to make short of a long story,' said Martin, beginning with a kind of effort, as if the

revelation were not agreeable to him; 'that I have been bred up from childhood with great expectations, and

have always been taught to believe that I should be, one day, very rich. So I should have been, but for certain

brief reasons which I am going to tell you, and which have led to my being disinherited.'

'By my grandfather. I have had no parents these many years. Scarcely within my remembrance.'

'Neither have I,' said Tom, touching the young man's hand with his own and timidly withdrawing it again.

'Why, as to that, you know, Pinch,' pursued the other, stirring the fire again, and speaking in his rapid,

offhand way; 'it's all very right and proper to be fond of parents when we have them, and to bear them in

remembrance after they're dead, if you have ever known anything of them. But as I never did know anything

about mine personally, you know, why, I can't be expected to be very sentimental about 'em. And I am not;

Mr Pinch was just then looking thoughtfully at the bars. But on his companion pausing in this place, he

'In a word,' said Martin, 'I have been bred and reared all my life by this grandfather of whom I have just

spoken. Now, he has a great many good pointsthere is no doubt about that; I'll not disguise the fact from

youbut he has two very great faults, which are the staple of his bad side. In the first place, he has the most

confirmed obstinacy of character you ever met with in any human creature. In the second, he is most

'In those two respects,' returned the other, 'there never was such a man. I have often heard from those who

know, that they have been, time out of mind, the failings of our family; and I believe there's some truth in it.

But I can't say of my own knowledge. All I have to do, you know, is to be very thankful that they haven't

'Well, sir,' resumed Martin, stirring the fire once more, and drawing his chair still closer to it, 'his selfishness

makes him exacting, you see; and his obstinacy makes him resolute in his exactions. The consequence is that

he has always exacted a great deal from me in the way of respect, and submission, and selfdenial when his

wishes were in question, and so forth. I have borne a great deal from him, because I have been under

obligations to him (if one can ever be said to be under obligations to one's own grandfather), and because I

have been really attached to him; but we have had a great many quarrels for all that, for I could not

accommodate myself to his ways very oftennot out of the least reference to myself, you understand, but

Mr Pinch being about the worst man in the world to help anybody out of a difficulty of this sort, said nothing.

'Well! as you understand me,' resumed Martin, quickly, 'I needn't hunt for the precise expression I want. Now

I come to the cream of my story, and the occasion of my being here. I am in love, Pinch.'

'I say I am in love. I am in love with one of the most beautiful girls the sun ever shone upon. But she is

wholly and entirely dependent upon the pleasure of my grandfather; and if he were to know that she favoured

my passion, she would lose her home and everything she possesses in the world. There is nothing very selfish

'Selfish!' cried Tom. 'You have acted nobly. To love her as I am sure you do, and yet in consideration for her

'What are you talking about, Pinch?' said Martin pettishly: 'don't make yourself ridiculous, my good fellow!

'I beg your pardon,' answered Tom. 'I thought you meant that, or I wouldn't have said it.'

'If I didn't tell her I loved her, where would be the use of my being in love?' said Martin: 'unless to keep

'That's true,' Tom answered. 'Well! I can guess what SHE said when you told her,' he added, glancing at

'Why, not exactly, Pinch,' he rejoined, with a slight frown; 'because she has some girlish notions about duty

and gratitude, and all the rest of it, which are rather hard to fathom; but in the main you are right. Her heart

'Just what I supposed,' said Tom. 'Quite natural!' and, in his great satisfaction, he took a long sip out of his

'Although I had conducted myself from the first with the utmost circumspection,' pursued Martin, 'I had not

managed matters so well but that my grandfather, who is full of jealousy and distrust, suspected me of loving

her. He said nothing to her, but straightway attacked me in private, and charged me with designing to corrupt

the fidelity to himself (there you observe his selfishness), of a young creature whom he had trained and

educated to be his only disinterested and faithful companion, when he should have disposed of me in

marriage to his heart's content. Upon that, I took fire immediately, and told him that with his good leave I

would dispose of myself in marriage, and would rather not be knocked down by him or any other auctioneer

Mr Pinch opened his eyes wider, and looked at the fire harder than he had done yet.

'You may be sure,' said Martin, 'that this nettled him, and that he began to be the very reverse of

complimentary to myself. Interview succeeded interview; words engendered words, as they always do; and

the upshot of it was, that I was to renounce her, or be renounced by him. Now you must bear in mind, Pinch,

that I am not only desperately fond of her (for though she is poor, her beauty and intellect would reflect great

credit on anybody, I don't care of what pretensions who might become her husband), but that a chief

'Obstinacy,' suggested Tom in perfect good faith. But the suggestion was not so well received as he had

'I didn't want that word,' he rejoined. 'I told you obstinacy was no part of my character, did I not? I was going

to say, if you had given me leave, that a chief ingredient in my composition is a most determined firmness.'

'And being firm,' pursued Martin, 'of course I was not going to yield to him, or give way by so much as the

'Very well,' rejoined Martin, throwing himself back in his chair, with a careless wave of both hands, as if the

subject were quite settled, and nothing more could be said about it'There is an end of the matter, and here

Mr Pinch sat staring at the fire for some minutes with a puzzled look, such as he might have assumed if some

uncommonly difficult conundrum had been proposed, which he found it impossible to guess. At length he

'Only by name. No, I had never seen him, for my grandfather kept not only himself but me, aloof from all his

relations. But our separation took place in a town in the adjoining country. From that place I came to

Salisbury, and there I saw Pecksniff's advertisement, which I answered, having always had some natural

taste, I believe, in the matters to which it referred, and thinking it might suit me. As soon as I found it to be

'Such an excellent man,' interposed Tom, rubbing his hands: 'so he is. You were quite right.'

'Why, not so much on that account, if the truth must be spoken,' returned Martin, 'as because my grandfather

has an inveterate dislike to him, and after the old man's arbitrary treatment of me, I had a natural desire to run

as directly counter to all his opinions as I could. Well! As I said before, here I am. My engagement with the

young lady I have been telling you about is likely to be a tolerably long one; for neither her prospects nor

mine are very bright; and of course I shall not think of marrying until I am well able to do so. It would never

do, you know, for me to be plunging myself into poverty and shabbiness and love in one room up three pair

'Exactly so,' rejoined Martin, rising to warm his back, and leaning against the chimneypiece. 'To say nothing

of her. At the same time, of course it's not very hard upon her to be obliged to yield to the necessity of the

case; first, because she loves me very much; and secondly, because I have sacrificed a great deal on her

It was a very long time before Tom said 'Certainly;' so long, that he might have taken a nap in the interval,

'Now, there is one odd coincidence connected with this lovestory,' said Martin, 'which brings it to an end.

You remember what you told me last night as we were coming here, about your pretty visitor in the church?'

'Surely I do,' said Tom, rising from his stool, and seating himself in the chair from which the other had lately

'I knew what you were going to say,' cried Tom, looking fixedly at him, and speaking very softly. 'You don't

'That was she,' repeated the young man. 'After what I have heard from Pecksniff, I have no doubt that she

came and went with my grandfather.Don't you drink too much of that sour wine, or you'll have a fit of

'It is not very wholesome, I am afraid,' said Tom, setting down the empty glass he had for some time held. 'So

Martin nodded assent; and adding, with a restless impatience, that if he had been a few days earlier he would

have seen her; and that now she might be, for anything he knew, hundreds of miles away; threw himself, after

Tom Pinch's heart was very tender, and he could not bear to see the most indifferent person in distress; still

less one who had awakened an interest in him, and who regarded him (either in fact, or as he supposed) with

kindness, and in a spirit of lenient construction. Whatever his own thoughts had been a few moments

beforeand to judge from his face they must have been pretty serioushe dismissed them instantly, and

'All will be well in time,' said Tom, 'I have no doubt; and some trial and adversity just now will only serve to

make you more attached to each other in better days. I have always read that the truth is so, and I have a

feeling within me, which tells me how natural and right it is that it should be. That never ran smooth yet,' said

Tom, with a smile which, despite the homeliness of his face, was pleasanter to see than many a proud

beauty's brightest glance; 'what never ran smooth yet, can hardly be expected to change its character for us;

so we must take it as we find it, and fashion it into the very best shape we can, by patience and

goodhumour. I have no power at all; I needn't tell you that; but I have an excellent will; and if I could ever

'Thank you,' said Martin, shaking his hand. 'You're a good fellow, upon my word, and speak very kindly. Of

course you know,' he added, after a moment's pause, as he drew his chair towards the fire again, 'I should not

hesitate to avail myself of your services if you could help me at all; but mercy on us!'Here he rumpled his

hair impatiently with his hand, and looked at Tom as if he took it rather ill that he was not somebody

else'you might as well be a toasting fork or a fryingpan, Pinch, for any help you can render me.'

'Oh! to be sure. I meant that, of course. If inclination went for anything, I shouldn't want help. I tell you what

'I shall be delighted,' cried Tom, catching up the candle with enthusiasm. 'Excuse my leaving you in the dark

'Aye!' replied his friend, yawning and stretching himself. 'He'll do. I am tired with the bustle of today, and

the novelty of everything about me; and in such a case, there's no greater luxury in the world, I think, than

'Then begin as soon as you like. You needn't leave off when you see me getting drowsy (unless you feel

tired), for it's pleasant to wake gradually to the sounds again. Did you ever try that?'

'Well! You can, you know, one of these days when we're both in the right humour. Don't mind leaving me in

Mr Pinch lost no time in moving away; and in a minute or two returned with one of the precious volumes

from the shelf beside his bed. Martin had in the meantime made himself as comfortable as circumstances

would permit, by constructing before the fire a temporary sofa of three chairs with Mercy's stool for a pillow,

Mr Pinch accordingly, after turning over the leaves of his book with as much care as if they were living and

highly cherished creatures, made his own selection, and began to read. Before he had completed fifty lines his

'Poor fellow!' said Tom, softly, as he stretched out his head to peep at him over the backs of the chairs. 'He is

very young to have so much trouble. How trustful and generous in him to bestow all this confidence in me.

But suddenly remembering their compact, he took up the poem at the place where he had left off, and went

on reading; always forgetting to snuff the candle, until its wick looked like a mushroom. He gradually

became so much interested, that he quite forgot to replenish the fire; and was only reminded of his neglect by

Martin Chuzzlewit starting up after the lapse of an hour or so, and crying with a shiver.

'Why, it's nearly out, I declare! No wonder I dreamed of being frozen. Do call for some coals. What a fellow

Martin began to work at the grammarschool next morning, with so much vigour and expedition, that Mr

Pinch had new reason to do homage to the natural endowments of that young gentleman, and to acknowledge

his infinite superiority to himself. The new pupil received Tom's compliments very graciously; and having by

this time conceived a real regard for him, in his own peculiar way, predicted that they would always be the

very best of friends, and that neither of them, he was certain (but particularly Tom), would ever have reason

to regret the day on which they became acquainted. Mr Pinch was delighted to hear him say this, and felt so

much flattered by his kind assurances of friendship and protection, that he was at a loss how to express the

pleasure they afforded him. And indeed it may be observed of this friendship, such as it was, that it had

within it more likely materials of endurance than many a sworn brotherhood that has been rich in promise; for

so long as the one party found a pleasure in patronizing, and the other in being patronised (which was in the

very essence of their respective characters), it was of all possible events among the least probable, that the

twin demons, Envy and Pride, would ever arise between them. So in very many cases of friendship, or what

passes for it, the old axiom is reversed, and like clings to unlike more than to like.

They were both very busy on the afternoon succeeding the family's departureMartin with the

grammarschool, and Tom in balancing certain receipts of rents, and deducting Mr Pecksniff's commission

from the same; in which abstruse employment he was much distracted by a habit his new friend had of

whistling aloud while he was drawingwhen they were not a little startled by the unexpected obtrusion into

that sanctuary of genius, of a human head which, although a shaggy and somewhat alarming head in

appearance, smiled affably upon them from the doorway, in a manner that was at once waggish, conciliatory,

'I am not industrious myself, gents both,' said the head, 'but I know how to appreciate that quality in others. I

wish I may turn grey and ugly, if it isn't in my opinion, next to genius, one of the very charmingest qualities

of the human mind. Upon my soul, I am grateful to my friend Pecksniff for helping me to the contemplation

of such a delicious picture as you present. You remind me of Whittington, afterwards thrice Lord Mayor of

London. I give you my unsullied word of honour, that you very strongly remind me of that historical

character. You are a pair of Whittingtons, gents, without the cat; which is a most agreeable and blessed

exception to me, for I am not attached to the feline species. My name is Tigg; how do you do?'

Martin looked to Mr Pinch for an explanation; and Tom, who had never in his life set eyes on Mr Tigg

'Chevy Slyme?' said Mr Tigg, interrogatively, and kissing his left hand in token of friendship. 'You will

understand me when I say that I am the accredited agent of Chevy Slyme; that I am the ambassador from the

'Heyday!' asked Martin, starting at the mention of a name he knew. 'Pray, what does he want with me?'

'If that is Mr Pinch,' cried Tigg, kissing his hand again, and beginning to follow his head into the room, 'he

will permit me to say that I greatly esteem and respect his character, which has been most highly commended

to me by my friend Pecksniff; and that I deeply appreciate his talent for the organ, notwithstanding that I do

not, if I may use the expression, grind myself. If that is Mr Pinch, I will venture to express a hope that I see

'That is a comfort,' Mr Tigg rejoined. 'Then,' he added, shielding his lips with the palm of his hand, and

'The letter,' whispered Tigg in the same cautious manner as before, 'which my friend Pecksniff addressed to

'Hush!' cried the other. 'It's all the same thing, though not so delicately done by my friend Pecksniff as I could

'Exactly so,' said Mr Tigg. With which he rapped Tom twice or thrice upon the breast and nodded several

times, as though he would say that he saw they understood each other; that it was unnecessary to mention the

circumstance before a third person; and that he would take it as a particular favour if Tom would slip the

Mr Pinch, however, was so very much astounded by this (to him) inexplicable deportment, that he at once

openly declared there must be some mistake, and that he had been entrusted with no commission whatever

having any reference to Mr Tigg or to his friend, either. Mr Tigg received this declaration with a grave

request that Mr Pinch would have the goodness to make it again; and on Tom's repeating it in a still more

emphatic and unmistakable manner, checked it off, sentence for sentence, by nodding his head solemnly at

the end of each. When it had come to a close for the second time, Mr Tigg sat himself down in a chair and

'Then I tell you what it is, gents both. There is at this present moment in this very place, a perfect

constellation of talent and genius, who is involved, through what I cannot but designate as the culpable

negligence of my friend Pecksniff, in a situation as tremendous, perhaps, as the social intercourse of the

nineteenth century will readily admit of. There is actually at this instant, at the Blue Dragon in this

villagean alehouse, observe; a common, paltry, lowminded, clodhopping, pipesmoking alehousean

individual, of whom it may be said, in the language of the Poet, that nobody but himself can in any way come

up to him; who is detained there for his bill. Ha! ha! For his bill. I repeat it for his bill. Now,' said Mr Tigg,

'we have heard of Fox's Book of Martyrs, I believe, and we have heard of the Court of Requests, and the Star

Chamber; but I fear the contradiction of no man alive or dead, when I assert that my friend Chevy Slyme

being held in pawn for a bill, beats any amount of cockfighting with which I am acquainted.'

Martin and Mr Pinch looked, first at each other, and afterwards at Mr Tigg, who with his arms folded on his

'Don't mistake me, gents both,' he said, stretching forth his right hand. 'If it had been for anything but a bill, I

could have borne it, and could still have looked upon mankind with some feeling of respect; but when such a

man as my friend Slyme is detained for a scorea thing in itself essentially mean; a low performance on a

slate, or possibly chalked upon the back of a doorI do feel that there is a screw of such magnitude loose

somewhere, that the whole framework of society is shaken, and the very first principles of things can no

longer be trusted. In short, gents both,' said Mr Tigg with a passionate flourish of his hands and head, 'when a

man like Slyme is detained for such a thing as a bill, I reject the superstitions of ages, and believe nothing. I

'I am very sorry, I am sure,' said Tom after a pause, 'but Mr Pecksniff said nothing to me about it, and I

couldn't act without his instructions. Wouldn't it be better, sir, if you were to go to to wherever you came

'How can that be done, when I am detained also?' said Mr Tigg; 'and when moreover, owing to the

astounding, and I must add, guilty negligence of my friend Pecksniff, I have no money for coachhire?'

Tom thought of reminding the gentleman (who, no doubt, in his agitation had forgotten it) that there was a

postoffice in the land; and that possibly if he wrote to some friend or agent for a remittance it might not be

lost upon the road; or at all events that the chance, however desperate, was worth trusting to. But, as his

goodnature presently suggested to him certain reasons for abstaining from this hint, he paused again, and

'Come here,' said Mr Tigg, rising. 'You have no objection to my opening this window for a moment?'

'Very good,' said Mr Tigg, lifting the sash. 'You see a fellow down there in a red neckcloth and no waistcoat?'

'Mark Tapley is it?' said the gentleman. 'Then Mark Tapley had not only the great politeness to follow me to

this house, but is waiting now, to see me home again. And for that attention, sir,' added Mr Tigg, stroking his

moustache, 'I can tell you, that Mark Tapley had better in his infancy have been fed to suffocation by Mrs

Mr Pinch was not so dismayed by this terrible threat, but that he had voice enough to call to Mark to come in,

and upstairs; a summons which he so speedily obeyed, that almost as soon as Tom and Mr Tigg had drawn in

their heads and closed the window again, he, the denounced, appeared before them.

'Come here, Mark!' said Mr Pinch. 'Good gracious me! what's the matter between Mrs Lupin and this

'What gentleman, sir?' said Mark. 'I don't see no gentleman here sir, excepting you and the new gentleman,' to

whom he made a rough kind of bow'and there's nothing wrong between Mrs Lupin and either of you, Mr

'Tigg,' interposed that gentleman. 'Wait a bit. I shall crush him soon. All in good time!'

'Oh HIM!' rejoined Mark, with an air of careless defiance. 'Yes, I see HIM. I could see him a little better, if

Mr Tigg shook his head with a ferocious look, and smote himself once upon the breast.

'It's no use,' said Mark. 'If you knock ever so much in that quarter, you'll get no answer. I know better. There's

'Nay, Mark,' urged Mr Pinch, interposing to prevent hostilities, 'tell me what I ask you. You're not out of

'Out of temper, sir!' cried Mark, with a grin; 'why no, sir. There's a little creditnot muchin being jolly,

when such fellows as him is agoing about like roaring lions; if there is any breed of lions, at least, as is all

roar and mane. What is there between him and Mrs Lupin, sir? Why, there's a score between him and Mrs

Lupin. And I think Mrs Lupin lets him and his friend off very easy in not charging 'em double prices for

being a disgrace to the Dragon. That's my opinion. I wouldn't have any such Peter the Wild Boy as him in my

house, sir, not if I was paid raceweek prices for it. He's enough to turn the very beer in the casks sour with

'Well, sir,' said Mark, 'I don't know as there's much to answer further than that. Him and his friend goes and

stops at the Moon and Stars till they've run a bill there; and then comes and stops with us and does the same.

The running of bills is common enough Mr Pinch; it an't that as we object to; it's the ways of this chap.

Nothing's good enough for him; all the women is dying for him he thinks, and is overpaid if he winks at 'em;

and all the men was made to be ordered about by him. This not being aggravation enough, he says this

morning to me, in his usual captivating way, "We're going tonight, my man." "Are you, sir?" says I.

"Perhaps you'd like the bill got ready, sir?" "Oh no, my man," he says; "you needn't mind that. I'll give

Pecksniff orders to see to that." In reply to which, the Dragon makes answer, "Thankee, sir, you're very kind

to honour us so far, but as we don't know any particular good of you, and you don't travel with luggage, and

Mr Pecksniff an't at home (which perhaps you mayn't happen to be aware of, sir), we should prefer something

more satisfactory;" and that's where the matter stands. And I ask,' said Mr Tapley, pointing, in conclusion, to

Mr Tigg, with his hat, 'any lady or gentleman, possessing ordinary strength of mind, to say whether he's a

'Let me inquire,' said Martin, interposing between this candid speech and the delivery of some blighting

'In point of money, sir, very little,' answered Mark. 'Only just turned of three pounds. But it an't that; it's

'Why, simplyI am ashamed to saythat this Mr Slyme is a relation of mine, of whom I never heard

anything pleasant; and that I don't want him here just now, and think he would be cheaply got rid of, perhaps,

for three or four pounds. You haven't enough money to pay this bill, I suppose?'

'That's unfortunate, for I am poor too; and in case you had had it, I'd have borrowed it of you. But if we told

this landlady we would see her paid, I suppose that would answer the same purpose?'

'Then let us go down at once and tell her so; for the sooner we are rid of their company the better. As you

have conducted the conversation with this gentleman hitherto, perhaps you'll tell him what we purpose doing;

Mr Pinch, complying, at once imparted the intelligence to Mr Tigg, who shook him warmly by the hand in

return, assuring him that his faith in anything and everything was again restored. It was not so much, he said,

for the temporary relief of this assistance that he prized it, as for its vindication of the high principle that

Nature's Nobs felt with Nature's Nobs, and that true greatness of soul sympathized with true greatness of soul,

all the world over. It proved to him, he said, that like him they admired genius, even when it was coupled

with the alloy occasionally visible in the metal of his friend Slyme; and on behalf of that friend, he thanked

them; as warmly and heartily as if the cause were his own. Being cut short in these speeches by a general

move towards the stairs, he took possession at the street door of the lapel of Mr Pinch's coat, as a security

against further interruption; and entertained that gentleman with some highly improving discourse until they

reached the Dragon, whither they were closely followed by Mark and the new pupil.

The rosy hostess scarcely needed Mr Pinch's word as a preliminary to the release of her two visitors, of whom

she was glad to be rid on any terms; indeed, their brief detention had originated mainly with Mr Tapley, who

entertained a constitutional dislike to gentleman outatelbows who flourished on false pretences; and had

conceived a particular aversion to Mr Tigg and his friend, as choice specimens of the species. The business in

hand thus easily settled, Mr Pinch and Martin would have withdrawn immediately, but for the urgent

entreaties of Mr Tigg that they would allow him the honour of presenting them to his friend Slyme, which

were so very difficult of resistance that, yielding partly to these persuasions and partly to their own curiosity,

they suffered themselves to be ushered into the presence of that distinguished gentleman.

He was brooding over the remains of yesterday's decanter of brandy, and was engaged in the thoughtful

occupation of making a chain of rings on the top of the table with the wet foot of his drinking glass.

Wretched and forlorn as he looked, Mr Slyme had once been in his way, the choicest of swaggerers; putting

forth his pretensions boldly, as a man of infinite taste and most undoubted promise. The stockintrade

requisite to set up an amateur in this department of business is very slight, and easily got together; a trick of

the nose and a curl of the lip sufficient to compound a tolerable sneer, being ample provision for any

exigency. But, in an evil hour, this offshoot of the Chuzzlewit trunk, being lazy, and ill qualified for any

regular pursuit and having dissipated such means as he ever possessed, had formally established himself as a

professor of Taste for a livelihood; and finding, too late, that something more than his old amount of

qualifications was necessary to sustain him in this calling, had quickly fallen to his present level, where he

retained nothing of his old self but his boastfulness and his bile, and seemed to have no existence separate or

apart from his friend Tigg. And now so abject and so pitiful was heat once so maudlin, insolent, beggarly,

and proudthat even his friend and parasite, standing erect beside him, swelled into a Man by contrast.

'Chiv,' said Mr Tigg, clapping him on the back, 'my friend Pecksniff not being at home, I have arranged our

trifling piece of business with Mr Pinch and friend. Mr Pinch and friend, Mr Chevy Slyme! Chiv, Mr Pinch

'These are agreeable circumstances in which to be introduced to strangers,' said Chevy Slyme, turning his

bloodshot eyes towards Tom Pinch. 'I am the most miserable man in the world, I believe!'

Tom begged he wouldn't mention it; and finding him in this condition, retired, after an awkward pause,

followed by Martin. But Mr Tigg so urgently conjured them, by coughs and signs, to remain in the shadow of

'I swear,' cried Mr Slyme, giving the table an imbecile blow with his fist, and then feebly leaning his head

upon his hand, while some drunken drops oozed from his eyes, 'that I am the wretchedest creature on record.

Society is in a conspiracy against me. I'm the most literary man alive. I'm full of scholarship. I'm full of

genius; I'm full of information; I'm full of novel views on every subject; yet look at my condition! I'm at this

Mr Tigg replenished his friend's glass, pressed it into his hand, and nodded an intimation to the visitors that

'Obliged to two strangers for a tavern bill, eh!' repeated Mr Slyme, after a sulky application to his glass. 'Very

pretty! And crowds of impostors, the while, becoming famous; men who are no more on a level with me

thanTigg, I take you to witness that I am the most persecuted hound on the face of the earth.'

With a whine, not unlike the cry of the animal he named, in its lowest state of humiliation, he raised his glass

to his mouth again. He found some encouragement in it; for when he set it down he laughed scornfully. Upon

that Mr Tigg gesticulated to the visitors once more, and with great expression, implying that now the time

'Ha, ha, ha,' laughed Mr Slyme. 'Obliged to two strangers for a tavern bill! Yet I think I've a rich uncle, Tigg,

who could buy up the uncles of fifty strangers! Have I, or have I not? I come of a good family, I believe! Do

I, or do I not? I'm not a man of common capacity or accomplishments, I think! Am I, or am I not?'

'You are the American aloe of the human race, my dear Chiv,' said Mr Tigg, 'which only blooms once in a

'Ha, ha, ha!' laughed Mr Slyme again. 'Obliged to two strangers for a tavern bill! I obliged to two architect's

apprentices. Fellows who measure earth with iron chains, and build houses like bricklayers. Give me the

Mr Tigg was quite lost in admiration of this noble trait in his friend's character; as he made known to Mr

Pinch in a neat little ballet of action, spontaneously invented for the purpose.

'I'll let 'em know, and I'll let all men know,' cried Chevy Slyme, 'that I'm none of the mean, grovelling, tame

characters they meet with commonly. I have an independent spirit. I have a heart that swells in my bosom. I

'You go and do your duty, sir,' said Mr Slyme, angrily, 'and borrow money for travelling expenses; and

whoever you borrow it of, let 'em know that I possess a haughty spirit, and a proud spirit, and have infernally

finelytouched chords in my nature, which won't brook patronage. Do you hear? Tell 'em I hate 'em, and that

that's the way I preserve my selfrespect; and tell 'em that no man ever respected himself more than I do!'

He might have added that he hated two sorts of men; all those who did him favours, and all those who were

better off than himself; as in either case their position was an insult to a man of his stupendous merits. But he

did not; for with the apt closing words above recited, Mr Slyme; of too haughty a stomach to work, to beg, to

borrow, or to steal; yet mean enough to be worked or borrowed, begged or stolen for, by any catspaw that

would serve his turn; too insolent to lick the hand that fed him in his need, yet cur enough to bite and tear it in

the dark; with these apt closing words Mr Slyme fell forward with his head upon the table, and so declined

'Was there ever,' cried Mr Tigg, joining the young men at the door, and shutting it carefully behind him, 'such

an independent spirit as is possessed by that extraordinary creature? Was there ever such a Roman as our

friend Chiv? Was there ever a man of such a purely classical turn of thought, and of such a togalike

simplicity of nature? Was there ever a man with such a flow of eloquence? Might he not, gents both, I ask,

have sat upon a tripod in the ancient times, and prophesied to a perfectly unlimited extent, if previously

Mr Pinch was about to contest this latter position with his usual mildness, when, observing that his

'Do you know that I should like one little word in private with you Mr Pinch?' said Tigg, following him. 'One

minute of your company in the skittleground would very much relieve my mind. Might I beseech that

'Oh, certainly,' replied Tom, 'if you really wish it.' So he accompanied Mr Tigg to the retreat in question; on

arriving at which place that gentleman took from his hat what seemed to be the fossil remains of an

'But you have NOT,' cried Tigg. 'I must persist in that opinion. If you could have seen me, Mr Pinch, at the

head of my regiment on the coast of Africa, charging in the form of a hollow square, with the women and

children and the regimental platechest in the centre, you would not have known me for the same man. You

Tom had certain ideas of his own upon the subject of glory; and consequently he was not quite so much

'But no matter!' said that gentleman. 'The schoolboy writing home to his parents and describing the

milkandwater, said "This is indeed weakness." I repeat that assertion in reference to myself at the present

'I am grieved but not surprised,' cried Mr Tigg, detaining him with both hands, 'to hear that you have come to

that conclusion; for it is my own. But, Mr Pinch, though I am a rough and thoughtless man, I can honour

Mind. I honour Mind in following my friend. To you of all men, Mr Pinch, I have a right to make appeal on

Mind's behalf, when it has not the art to push its fortune in the world. And so, sirnot for myself, who have

no claim upon you, but for my crushed, my sensitive and independent friend, who hasI ask the loan of

three halfcrowns. I ask you for the loan of three halfcrowns, distinctly, and without a blush. I ask it, almost

as a right. And when I add that they will be returned by post, this week, I feel that you will blame me for that

Mr Pinch took from his pocket an oldfashioned redleather purse with a steel clasp, which had probably

once belonged to his deceased grandmother. It held one halfsovereign and no more. All Tom's worldly

'Stay!' cried Mr Tigg, who had watched this proceeding keenly. 'I was just about to say, that for the

convenience of posting you had better make it gold. Thank you. A general direction, I suppose, to Mr Pinch

'That'll find me,' said Tom. 'You had better put Esquire to Mr Pecksniff's name, if you please. Direct to me,

'At Seth Pecksniff's, Esquire,' repeated Mr Tigg, taking an exact note of it with a stump of pencil. 'We said

'No, no, I beg your pardon. Monday will NOT do,' said Mr Tigg. 'If we stipulated for this week, Saturday is

Mr Tigg added this condition to his memorandum; read the entry over to himself with a severe frown; and

that the transaction might be the more correct and businesslike, appended his initials to the whole. That

done, he assured Mr Pinch that everything was now perfectly regular; and, after squeezing his hand with great

Tom entertained enough suspicion that Martin might possibly turn this interview into a jest, to render him

desirous to avoid the company of that young gentleman for the present. With this view he took a few turns up

and down the skittleground, and did not re enter the house until Mr Tigg and his friend had quitted it, and

'I was just asaying, sir, that if one could live by it,' observed Mark, pointing after their late guests, 'that

would be the sort of service for me. Waiting on such individuals as them would be better than gravedigging,

'And staying here would be better than either, Mark,' replied Tom. 'So take my advice, and continue to swim

'It's too late to take it now, sir,' said Mark. 'I have broke it to her, sir. I am off tomorrow morning.'

'Well! I don't know yet, sir. Nothing turned up that day I opened my mind to you, as was at all likely to suit

me. All them trades I thought of was a deal too jolly; there was no credit at all to be got in any of 'em. I must

look for a private service, I suppose, sir. I might be brought out strong, perhaps, in a serious family, Mr

'Perhaps you might come out rather too strong for a serious family's taste, Mark.'

'That's possible, sir. If I could get into a wicked family, I might do myself justice; but the difficulty is to make

sure of one's ground, because a young man can't very well advertise that he wants a place, and wages an't so

'An envious family,' pursued Mark, with a thoughtful face; 'or a quarrelsome family, or a malicious family, or

even a good outand out mean family, would open a field of action as I might do something in. The man as

would have suited me of all other men was that old gentleman as was took ill here, for he really was a trying

customer. Howsever, I must wait and see what turns up, sir; and hope for the worst.'

'My box is gone already, sir, by the waggon, and I'm going to walk on tomorrow morning, and get a lift by

the day coach when it overtakes me. So I wish you goodbye, Mr Pinchand you too, sir and all good

They both returned his greeting laughingly, and walked home armin arm. Mr Pinch imparting to his new

friend, as they went, such further particulars of Mark Tapley's whimsical restlessness as the reader is already

In the meantime Mark, having a shrewd notion that his mistress was in very low spirits, and that he could not

exactly answer for the consequences of any lengthened TETEATETE in the bar, kept himself obstinately

out of her way all the afternoon and evening. In this piece of generalship he was very much assisted by the

great influx of company into the taproom; for the news of his intention having gone abroad, there was a

perfect throng there all the evening, and much drinking of healths and clinking of mugs. At length the house

was closed for the night; and there being now no help for it, Mark put the best face he could upon the matter,

'If I look at her,' said Mark to himself, 'I'm done. I feel that I'm agoing fast.'

'I thought,' pursued the landlady, with a most engaging hesitation, 'that you had beenfondof the

'Then,' pursued the hostessand it really was not an unnatural inquiry'why do you desert it?'

But as he gave no manner of answer to this question; not even on its being repeated; Mrs Lupin put his

money into his hand, and asked himnot unkindly, quite the contrarywhat he would take?

It is proverbial that there are certain things which flesh and blood cannot bear. Such a question as this,

propounded in such a manner, at such a time, and by such a person, proved (at least, as far as, Mark's flesh

and blood were concerned) to be one of them. He looked up in spite of himself directly; and having once

looked up, there was no looking down again; for of all the tight, plump, buxom, brighteyed, dimplefaced

landladies that ever shone on earth, there stood before him then, bodily in that bar, the very pink and

'Why, I tell you what,' said Mark, throwing off all his constraint in an instant and seizing the hostess round

the waistat which she was not at all alarmed, for she knew what a good young man he was 'if I took

what I liked most, I should take you. If I only thought what was best for me, I should take you. If I took what

nineteen young fellows in twenty would be glad to take, and would take at any price, I should take you. Yes, I

should,' cried Mr Tapley, shaking his head expressively enough, and looking (in a momentary state of

forgetfulness) rather hard at the hostess's ripe lips. 'And no man wouldn't wonder if I did!'

Mrs Lupin said he amazed her. She was astonished how he could say such things. She had never thought it of

'Why, I never thought if of myself till now!' said Mark, raising his eyebrows with a look of the merriest

possible surprise. 'I always expected we should part, and never have no explanation; I meant to do it when I

come in here just now; but there's something about you, as makes a man sensible. Then let us have a word or

two together; letting it be understood beforehand,' he added this in a grave tone, to prevent the possibility of

There was for just one second a shade, though not by any means a dark one, on the landlady's open brow. But

'Oh, very good!' she said; 'if there is to be no lovemaking, you had better take your arm away.'

There was so much reason in this that the landlady laughed again, suffered it to remain, and bade him say

what he had to say, and be quick about it. But he was an impudent fellow, she added.

'Ha ha! I almost think I am!' cried Mark, 'though I never thought so before. Why, I can say anything

'Say what you're going to say if you please, and be quick,' returned the landlady, 'for I want to get to bed.'

'Why, then, my dear good soul,' said Mark, 'and a kinder woman than you are never drawed breathlet me

see the man as says she did! what would be the likely consequence of us two being'

'No, no, but it an't nonsense,' said Mark; 'and I wish you'd attend. What would be the likely consequence of us

two being married? If I can't be content and comfortable in this here lively Dragon now, is it to be looked for

as I should be then? By no means. Very good. Then you, even with your good humour, would be always on

the fret and worrit, always uncomfortable in your own mind, always athinking as you was getting too old for

my taste, always apicturing me to yourself as being chained up to the Dragon door, and wanting to break

away. I don't know that it would be so,' said Mark, 'but I don't know that it mightn't be. I am a roving sort of

chap, I know. I'm fond of change. I'm always athinking that with my good health and spirits it would be

more creditable in me to be jolly where there's things agoing on to make one dismal. It may be a mistake of

mine you see, but nothing short of trying how it acts will set it right. Then an't it best that I should go;

particular when your free way has helped me out to say all this, and we can part as good friends as we have

ever been since first I entered this here noble Dragon, which,' said Mr Tapley in conclusion, 'has my good

The hostess sat quite silent for a little time, but she very soon put both her hands in Mark's and shook them

'For you are a good man,' she said; looking into his face with a smile, which was rather serious for her. 'And I

do believe have been a better friend to me tonight than ever I have had in all my life.'

'Oh! as to that, you know,' said Mark, 'that's nonsense. But love my heart alive!' he added, looking at her in a

sort of rapture, 'if you ARE that way disposed, what a lot of suitable husbands there is as you may drive

She laughed again at this compliment; and, once more shaking him by both hands, and bidding him, if he

should ever want a friend, to remember her, turned gayly from the little bar and up the Dragon staircase.

'Humming a tune as she goes,' said Mark, listening, 'in case I should think she's at all put out, and should be

With that piece of comfort, very ruefully uttered, he went, in anything but a jolly manner, to bed.

He rose early next morning, and was afoot soon after sunrise. But it was of no use; the whole place was up

to see Mark Tapley off; the boys, the dogs, the children, the old men, the busy people and the idlers; there

they were, all calling out 'Goodb'ye, Mark,' after their own manner, and all sorry he was going. Somehow he

had a kind of sense that his old mistress was peeping from her chamberwindow, but he couldn't make up his

'Goodb'ye one, goodb'ye all!' cried Mark, waving his hat on the top of his walkingstick, as he strode at a

quick pace up the little street. 'Hearty chaps them wheelwrightshurrah! Here's the butcher's dog acoming

out of the gardendown, old fellow! And Mr Pinch agoing to his organgoodb'ye, sir! And the

terrierbitch from over the wayhie, then, lass! And children enough to hand down human natur to the

latest posteritygoodb'ye, boys and girls! There's some credit in it now. I'm acoming out strong at last.

These are the circumstances that would try a ordinary mind; but I'm uncommon jolly. Not quite as jolly as I

When Mr Pecksniff and the two young ladies got into the heavy coach at the end of the lane, they found it

empty, which was a great comfort; particularly as the outside was quite full and the passengers looked very

frosty. For as Mr Pecksniff justly observed when he and his daughters had burrowed their feet deep in the

straw, wrapped themselves to the chin, and pulled up both windows it is always satisfactory to feel, in

keen weather, that many other people are not as warm as you are. And this, he said, was quite natural, and a

very beautiful arrangement; not confined to coaches, but extending itself into many social ramifications. 'For'

(he observed), 'if every one were warm and wellfed, we should lose the satisfaction of admiring the fortitude

with which certain conditions of men bear cold and hunger. And if we were no better off than anybody else,

what would become of our sense of gratitude; which,' said Mr Pecksniff with tears in his eyes, as he shook his

fist at a beggar who wanted to get up behind, 'is one of the holiest feelings of our common nature.'

His children heard with becoming reverence these moral precepts from the lips of their father, and signified

their acquiescence in the same, by smiles. That he might the better feed and cherish that sacred flame of

gratitude in his breast, Mr Pecksniff remarked that he would trouble his eldest daughter, even in this early

stage of their journey, for the brandybottle. And from the narrow neck of that stone vessel he imbibed a

'Some of us, I say,' resumed her parent with increased emphasis, 'are slow coaches; some of us are fast

'And rampant animals too' repeated Mr Pecksniff with so much determination, that he may be said to have

exhibited, at the moment a sort of moral rampancy himself;'and Virtue is the drag. We start from The

When he had said this, Mr Pecksniff, being exhausted, took some further refreshment. When he had done

that, he corked the bottle tight, with the air of a man who had effectually corked the subject also; and went to

The tendency of mankind when it falls asleep in coaches, is to wake up cross; to find its legs in its way; and

its corns an aggravation. Mr Pecksniff not being exempt from the common lot of humanity found himself, at

the end of his nap, so decidedly the victim of these infirmities, that he had an irresistible inclination to visit

them upon his daughters; which he had already begun to do in the shape of divers random kicks, and other

unexpected motions of his shoes, when the coach stopped, and after a short delay the door was opened.

'Now mind,' said a thin sharp voice in the dark. 'I and my son go inside, because the roof is full, but you agree

only to charge us outside prices. It's quite understood that we won't pay more. Is it?'

'Then I ask the three passengers to witness this bargain, if they will be so good,' said the voice. 'My boy, I

In pursuance of which opinion, two people took their seats in the vehicle, which was solemnly licensed by

'That was lucky!' whispered the old man, when they moved on again. 'And a great stroke of policy in you to

observe it. He, he, he! We couldn't have gone outside. I should have died of the rheumatism!'

Whether it occurred to the dutiful son that he had in some degree overreached himself by contributing to the

prolongation of his father's days; or whether the cold had effected his temper; is doubtful. But he gave his

father such a nudge in reply, that that good old gentleman was taken with a cough which lasted for full five

minutes without intermission, and goaded Mr Pecksniff to that pitch of irritation, that he said at lastand

'There is no room! There is really no room in this coach for any gentleman with a cold in his head!'

'Mine,' said the old man, after a moment's pause, 'is upon my chest, Pecksniff.'

The voice and manner, together, now that he spoke out; the composure of the speaker; the presence of his

son; and his knowledge of Mr Pecksniff; afforded a clue to his identity which it was impossible to mistake.

'Hem! I thought,' said Mr Pecksniff, returning to his usual mildness, 'that I addressed a stranger. I find that I

address a relative, Mr Anthony Chuzzlewit and his son Mr Jonasfor they, my dear children, are our

travelling companionswill excuse me for an apparently harsh remark. It is not MY desire to wound the

feelings of any person with whom I am connected in family bonds. I may be a Hypocrite,' said Mr Pecksniff,

'Pooh, pooh!' said the old man. 'What signifies that word, Pecksniff? Hypocrite! why, we are all hypocrites.

We were all hypocrites t'other day. I am sure I felt that to be agreed upon among us, or I shouldn't have called

you one. We should not have been there at all, if we had not been hypocrites. The only difference between

you and the rest wasshall I tell you the difference between you and the rest now, Pecksniff?'

'Why, the annoying quality in YOU, is,' said the old man, 'that you never have a confederate or partner in

YOUR juggling; you would deceive everybody, even those who practise the same art; and have a way with

you, as if youhe, he, he!as if you really believed yourself. I'd lay a handsome wager now,' said the old

man, 'if I laid wagers, which I don't and never did, that you keep up appearances by a tacit understanding,

even before your own daughters here. Now I, when I have a business scheme in hand, tell Jonas what it is,

'Offended, my good sir!' cried that gentleman, as if he had received the highest compliments that language

'Yes, Mr Jonas, we are travelling to London. We shall have the pleasure of your company all the way, I trust?'

'Oh! ecod, you had better ask father that,' said Jonas. 'I am not agoing to commit myself.'

Mr Pecksniff was, as a matter of course, greatly entertained by this retort. His mirth having subsided, Mr

Jonas gave him to understand that himself and parent were in fact travelling to their home in the metropolis;

and that, since the memorable day of the great family gathering, they had been tarrying in that part of the

country, watching the sale of certain eligible investments, which they had had in their copartnership eye when

they came down; for it was their custom, Mr Jonas said, whenever such a thing was practicable, to kill two

birds with one stone, and never to throw away sprats, but as bait for whales. When he had communicated to

Mr Pecksniff these pithy scraps of intelligence, he said, 'That if it was all the same to him, he would turn him

over to father, and have a chat with the gals;' and in furtherance of this polite scheme, he vacated his seat

adjoining that gentleman, and established himself in the opposite corner, next to the fair Miss Mercy.

The education of Mr Jonas had been conducted from his cradle on the strictest principles of the main chance.

The very first word he learnt to spell was 'gain,' and the second (when he got into two syllables), 'money.' But

for two results, which were not clearly foreseen perhaps by his watchful parent in the beginning, his training

may be said to have been unexceptionable. One of these flaws was, that having been long taught by his father

to overreach everybody, he had imperceptibly acquired a love of overreaching that venerable monitor

himself. The other, that from his early habits of considering everything as a question of property, he had

gradually come to look, with impatience, on his parent as a certain amount of personal estate, which had no

right whatever to be going at large, but ought to be secured in that particular description of iron safe which is

'Well, cousin!' said Mr Jonas'Because we ARE cousins, you know, a few times removedso you're going

Miss Mercy replied in the affirmative, pinching her sister's arm at the same time, and giggling excessively.

'Indeed, sir!' cried the young lady. 'They won't hurt us, sir, I dare say.' And having given him this answer with

great demureness she was so overcome by her own humour, that she was fain to stifle her merriment in her

'Merry,' cried that more prudent damsel, 'really I am ashamed of you. How can you go on so? You wild

'I saw a wildness in her eye, t'other day,' said Mr Jonas, addressing Charity. 'But you're the one to sit solemn!

"Oh! The oldfashioned fright!' cried Merry, in a whisper. 'Cherry my dear, upon my word you must sit next

him. I shall die outright if he talks to me any more; I shall, positively!' To prevent which fatal consequence,

the buoyant creature skipped out of her seat as she spoke, and squeezed her sister into the place from which

'Don't mind crowding me,' cried Mr Jonas. 'I like to be crowded by gals. Come a little closer, cousin.'

'There's that other one alaughing again,' said Mr Jonas; 'she's a laughing at my father, I shouldn't wonder.

If he puts on that old flannel nightcap of his, I don't know what she'll do! Is that my father asnoring,

'Tread upon his foot, will you be so good?' said the young gentleman. 'The foot next you's the gouty one.'

Mr Pecksniff hesitating to perform this friendly office, Mr Jonas did it himself; at the same time crying:

'Come, wake up, father, or you'll be having the nightmare, and screeching out, I know.Do you ever have

the nightmare, cousin?' he asked his neighbour, with characteristic gallantry, as he dropped his voice again.

'The other one,' said Mr Jonas, after a pause. 'Does SHE ever have the nightmare?'

'She laughs so,' said Jonas; 'there's no talking to her. Only hark how she's agoing on now! You're the

'It'll be a very long time, then, if she does at all,' rejoined her cousin. 'Take a little more room.'

'I am afraid of crowding you,' said Charity. But she took it notwithstanding; and after one or two remarks on

the extreme heaviness of the coach, and the number of places it stopped at, they fell into a silence which

Although Mr Jonas conducted Charity to the hotel and sat himself beside her at the board, it was pretty clear

that he had an eye to 'the other one' also, for he often glanced across at Mercy, and seemed to draw

comparisons between the personal appearance of the two, which were not unfavourable to the superior

plumpness of the younger sister. He allowed himself no great leisure for this kind of observation, however,

being busily engaged with the supper, which, as he whispered in his fair companion's ear, was a contract

business, and therefore the more she ate, the better the bargain was. His father and Mr Pecksniff, probably

acting on the same wise principle, demolished everything that came within their reach, and by that means

acquired a greasy expression of countenance, indicating contentment, if not repletion, which it was very

When they could eat no more, Mr Pecksniff and Mr Jonas subscribed for two sixpennyworths of hot

brandyandwater, which the latter gentleman considered a more politic order than one shillingsworth; there

being a chance of their getting more spirit out of the innkeeper under this arrangement than if it were all in

one glass. Having swallowed his share of the enlivening fluid, Mr Pecksniff, under pretence of going to see if

the coach were ready, went secretly to the bar, and had his own little bottle filled, in order that he might

These arrangements concluded, and the coach being ready, they got into their old places and jogged on again.

But before he composed himself for a nap, Mr Pecksniff delivered a kind of grace after meat, in these words:

'The process of digestion, as I have been informed by anatomical friends, is one of the most wonderful works

of nature. I do not know how it may be with others, but it is a great satisfaction to me to know, when regaling

on my humble fare, that I am putting in motion the most beautiful machinery with which we have any

acquaintance. I really feel at such times as if I was doing a public service. When I have wound myself up, if I

may employ such a term,' said Mr Pecksniff with exquisite tenderness, 'and know that I am Going, I feel that

As nothing could be added to this, nothing was said; and Mr Pecksniff, exulting, it may be presumed, in his

The rest of the night wore away in the usual manner. Mr Pecksniff and Old Anthony kept tumbling against

each other and waking up much terrified, or crushed their heads in opposite corners of the coach and

strangely tattooed the surface of their facesHeaven knows how in their sleep. The coach stopped and

went on, and went on and stopped, times out of number. Passengers got up and passengers got down, and

fresh horses came and went and came again, with scarcely any interval between each team as it seemed to

those who were dozing, and with a gap of a whole night between every one as it seemed to those who were

broad awake. At length they began to jolt and rumble over horribly uneven stones, and Mr Pecksniff looking

Very soon afterwards the coach stopped at the office in the city; and the street in which it was situated was

already in a bustle, that fully bore out Mr Pecksniff's words about its being morning, though for any signs of

day yet appearing in the sky it might have been midnight. There was a dense fog too; as if it were a city in the

clouds, which they had been travelling to all night up a magic beanstalk; and there was a thick crust upon the

pavement like oilcake; which, one of the outsides (mad, no doubt) said to another (his keeper, of course), was

Taking a confused leave of Anthony and his son, and leaving the luggage of himself and daughters at the

office to be called for afterwards, Mr Pecksniff, with one of the young ladies under each arm, dived across

the street, and then across other streets, and so up the queerest courts, and down the strangest alleys and under

the blindest archways, in a kind of frenzy; now skipping over a kennel, now running for his life from a coach

and horses; now thinking he had lost his way, now thinking he had found it; now in a state of the highest

confidence, now despondent to the last degree, but always in a great perspiration and flurry; until at length

they stopped in a kind of paved yard near the Monument. That is to say, Mr Pecksniff told them so; for as to

anything they could see of the Monument, or anything else but the buildings close at hand, they might as well

Mr Pecksniff looked about him for a moment, and then knocked at the door of a very dingy edifice, even

among the choice collection of dingy edifices at hand; on the front of which was a little oval board like a

It seemed that M. Todgers was not up yet, for Mr Pecksniff knocked twice and rang thrice, without making

any impression on anything but a dog over the way. At last a chain and some bolts were withdrawn with a

rusty noise, as if the weather had made the very fastenings hoarse, and a small boy with a large red head, and

no nose to speak of, and a very dirty Wellington boot on his left arm, appeared; who (being surprised) rubbed

'Still abed!' replied the boy. 'I wish they wos still abed. They're very noisy abed; all calling for their boots

at once. I thought you was the Paper, and wondered why you didn't shove yourself through the grating as

Considering his years, which were tender, the youth may be said to have preferred this question sternly, and

in something of a defiant manner. But Mr Pecksniff, without taking umbrage at his bearing put a card in his

hand, and bade him take that upstairs, and show them in the meanwhile into a room where there was a fire.

'Or if there's one in the eating parlour,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'I can find it myself.' So he led his daughters,

without waiting for any further introduction, into a room on the groundfloor, where a tablecloth (rather a

tight and scanty fit in reference to the table it covered) was already spread for breakfast; displaying a mighty

dish of pink boiled beef; an instance of that particular style of loaf which is known to housekeepers as a

slackbaked, crummy quartern; a liberal provision of cups and saucers; and the usual appendages.

Inside the fender were some halfdozen pairs of shoes and boots, of various sizes, just cleaned and turned

with the soles upwards to dry; and a pair of short black gaiters, on one of which was chalked in sport, it

would appear, by some gentleman who had slipped down for the purpose, pending his toilet, and gone up

again'Jinkins's Particular,' while the other exhibited a sketch in profile, claiming to be the portrait of

M. Todgers's Commercial BoardingHouse was a house of that sort which is likely to be dark at any time;

but that morning it was especially dark. There was an odd smell in the passage, as if the concentrated essence

of all the dinners that had been cooked in the kitchen since the house was built, lingered at the top of the

kitchen stairs to that hour, and like the Black Friar in Don Juan, 'wouldn't be driven away.' In particular, there

was a sensation of cabbage; as if all the greens that had ever been boiled there, were evergreens, and

flourished in immortal strength. The parlour was wainscoted, and communicated to strangers a magnetic and

instinctive consciousness of rats and mice. The staircase was very gloomy and very broad, with balustrades

so thick and heavy that they would have served for a bridge. In a sombre corner on the first landing, stood a

gruff old giant of a clock, with a preposterous coronet of three brass balls on his head; whom few had ever

seennone ever looked in the faceand who seemed to continue his heavy tick for no other reason than to

warn heedless people from running into him accidentally. It had not been papered or painted, hadn't

Todgers's, within the memory of man. It was very black, begrimed, and mouldy. And, at the top of the

staircase, was an old, disjointed, rickety, illfavoured skylight, patched and mended in all kinds of ways,

which looked distrustfully down at everything that passed below, and covered Todgers's up as if it were a sort

Mr Pecksniff and his fair daughters had not stood warming themselves at the fire ten minutes, when the sound

of feet was heard upon the stairs, and the presiding deity of the establishment came hurrying in.

M. Todgers was a lady, rather a bony and hardfeatured lady, with a row of curls in front of her head, shaped

like little barrels of beer; and on the top of it something made of netyou couldn't call it a cap

exactlywhich looked like a black cobweb. She had a little basket on her arm, and in it a bunch of keys that

jingled as she came. In her other hand she bore a flaming tallow candle, which, after surveying Mr Pecksniff

for one instant by its light, she put down upon the table, to the end that she might receive him with the greater

'Mr Pecksniff!' cried Mrs Todgers. 'Welcome to London! Who would have thought of such a visit as this,

'As well as ever; and as glad to see you, as ever;' Mr Pecksniff made response. 'Why, you are younger than

'What do you say to this?' cried Mr Pecksniff, stretching out his hand towards the young ladies. 'Does this

'Not your daughters!' exclaimed the lady, raising her hands and clasping them. 'Oh, no, Mr Pecksniff! Your

Mr Pecksniff smiled complacently; shook his head; and said, 'My daughters, Mrs Todgers. Merely my

'Ah!' sighed the good lady, 'I must believe you, for now I look at 'em I think I should have known 'em

She hugged them both; and being by this time overpowered by her feelings or the inclemency of the morning,

jerked a little pocket handkerchief out of the little basket, and applied the same to her face.

'Now, my good madam,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'I know the rules of your establishment, and that you only receive

gentlemen boarders. But it occurred to me, when I left home, that perhaps you would give my daughters

'I may say then, that I was sure you would,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'I know that you have a little room of your

own, and that they can be comfortable there, without appearing at the general table.'

Mrs Todgers meant by this that she must embrace them once more, which she accordingly did with great

ardour. But the truth was that the house being full with the exception of one bed, which would now be

occupied by Mr Pecksniff, she wanted time for consideration; and so much time too (for it was a knotty point

how to dispose of them), that even when this second embrace was over, she stood for some moments gazing

at the sisters, with affection beaming in one eye, and calculation shining out of the other.

'I think I know how to arrange it,' said Mrs Todgers, at length. 'A sofa bedstead in the little third room which

Thereupon she embraced them once more, observing that she could not decide which was most like their poor

mother (which was highly probable, seeing that she had never beheld that lady), but that she rather thought

the youngest was; and then she said that as the gentlemen would be down directly, and the ladies were

It was on the same floor; being, in fact, the back parlour; and had, as Mrs Todgers said, the great advantage

(in London) of not being overlooked; as they would see when the fog cleared off. Nor was this a vainglorious

boast, for it commanded at a perspective of two feet, a brown wall with a black cistern on the top. The

sleeping apartment designed for the young ladies was approached from this chamber by a mightily

convenient little door, which would only open when fallen against by a strong person. It commanded from a

similar point of sight another angle of the wall, and another side of the cistern. 'Not the damp side,' said Mrs

In the first of these sanctuaries a fire was speedily kindled by the youthful porter, who, whistling at his work

in the absence of Mrs Todgers (not to mention his sketching figures on his corduroys with burnt firewood),

and being afterwards taken by that lady in the fact, was dismissed with a box on his ears. Having prepared

breakfast for the young ladies with her own hands, she withdrew to preside in the other room; where the joke

'I won't ask you yet, my dears,' said Mr Pecksniff, looking in at the door, 'how you like London. Shall I?'

'Indeed,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'that's true. We have our pleasure, and our business too, before us. All in good

Whether Mr Pecksniff's business in London was as strictly professional as he had given his new pupil to

understand, we shall see, to adopt that worthy man's phraseology, 'all in good time.'

Surely there never was, in any other borough, city, or hamlet in the world, such a singular sort of a place as

Todgers's. And surely London, to judge from that part of it which hemmed Todgers's round and hustled it,

and crushed it, and stuck its brickandmortar elbows into it, and kept the air from it, and stood perpetually

between it and the light, was worthy of Todgers's, and qualified to be on terms of close relationship and

alliance with hundreds and thousands of the odd family to which Todgers's belonged.

You couldn't walk about Todgers's neighbourhood, as you could in any other neighbourhood. You groped

your way for an hour through lanes and byways, and courtyards, and passages; and you never once emerged

upon anything that might be reasonably called a street. A kind of resigned distraction came over the stranger

as he trod those devious mazes, and, giving himself up for lost, went in and out and round about and quietly

turned back again when he came to a dead wall or was stopped by an iron railing, and felt that the means of

escape might possibly present themselves in their own good time, but that to anticipate them was hopeless.

Instances were known of people who, being asked to dine at Todgers's, had travelled round and round for a

weary time, with its very chimneypots in view; and finding it, at last, impossible of attainment, had gone

home again with a gentle melancholy on their spirits, tranquil and uncomplaining. Nobody had ever found

Todgers's on a verbal direction, though given within a few minutes' walk of it. Cautious emigrants from

Scotland or the North of England had been known to reach it safely, by impressing a charityboy, townbred,

and bringing him along with them; or by clinging tenaciously to the postman; but these were rare exceptions,

and only went to prove the rule that Todgers's was in a labyrinth, whereof the mystery was known but to a

Several fruitbrokers had their marts near Todgers's; and one of the first impressions wrought upon the

stranger's senses was of oranges of damaged orangeswith blue and green bruises on them, festering in

boxes, or mouldering away in cellars. All day long, a stream of porters from the wharves beside the river,

each bearing on his back a bursting chest of oranges, poured slowly through the narrow passages; while

underneath the archway by the publichouse, the knots of those who rested and regaled within, were piled

from morning until night. Strange solitary pumps were found near Todgers's hiding themselves for the most

part in blind alleys, and keeping company with fireladders. There were churches also by dozens, with many

a ghostly little churchyard, all overgrown with such straggling vegetation as springs up spontaneously from

damp, and graves, and rubbish. In some of these dingy restingplaces which bore much the same analogy to

green churchyards, as the pots of earth for mignonette and wallflower in the windows overlooking them did

to rustic gardens, there were trees; tall trees; still putting forth their leaves in each succeeding year, with such

a languishing remembrance of their kind (so one might fancy, looking on their sickly boughs) as birds in

cages have of theirs. Here, paralysed old watchmen guarded the bodies of the dead at night, year after year,

until at last they joined that solemn brotherhood; and, saving that they slept below the ground a sounder sleep

than even they had ever known above it, and were shut up in another kind of box, their condition can hardly

be said to have undergone any material change when they, in turn, were watched themselves.

Among the narrow thoroughfares at hand, there lingered, here and there, an ancient doorway of carved oak,

from which, of old, the sounds of revelry and feasting often came; but now these mansions, only used for

storehouses, were dark and dull, and, being filled with wool, and cotton, and the likesuch heavy

merchandise as stifles sound and stops the throat of echohad an air of palpable deadness about them which,

added to their silence and desertion, made them very grim. In like manner, there were gloomy courtyards in

these parts, into which few but belated wayfarers ever strayed, and where vast bags and packs of goods,

upward or downward bound, were for ever dangling between heaven and earth from lofty cranes There were

more trucks near Todgers's than you would suppose whole city could ever need; not active trucks, but a

vagabond race, for ever lounging in the narrow lanes before their masters' doors and stopping up the pass; so

that when a stray hackneycoach or lumbering waggon came that way, they were the cause of such an uproar

as enlivened the whole neighbourhood, and made the bells in the next churchtower vibrate again. In the

throats and maws of dark nothoroughfares near Todgers's, individual winemerchants and wholesale dealers

in groceryware had perfect little towns of their own; and, deep among the foundations of these buildings,

the ground was undermined and burrowed out into stables, where carthorses, troubled by rats, might be

heard on a quiet Sunday rattling their halters, as disturbed spirits in tales of haunted houses are said to clank

To tell of half the queer old taverns that had a drowsy and secret existence near Todgers's, would fill a goodly

book; while a second volume no less capacious might be devoted to an account of the quaint old guests who

frequented their dimly lighted parlours. These were, in general, ancient inhabitants of that region; born, and

bred there from boyhood. who had long since become wheezy and asthmatical, and short of breath, except in

the article of story telling; in which respect they were still marvellously longwinded. These gentry were

much opposed to steam and all newfangled ways, and held ballooning to be sinful, and deplored the

degeneracy of the times; which that particular member of each little club who kept the keys of the nearest

church, professionally, always attributed to the prevalence of dissent and irreligion; though the major part of

the company inclined to the belief that virtue went out with hair powder, and that Old England's greatness

As to Todgers's itselfspeaking of it only as a house in that neighbourhood, and making no reference to its

merits as a commercial boarding establishmentit was worthy to stand where it did. There was one

staircasewindow in it, at the side of the house, on the ground floor; which tradition said had not been opened

for a hundred years at least, and which, abutting on an always dirty lane, was so begrimed and coated with a

century's mud, that no one pane of glass could possibly fall out, though all were cracked and broken twenty

times. But the grand mystery of Todgers's was the cellarage, approachable only by a little back door and a

rusty grating; which cellarage within the memory of man had had no connection with the house, but had

always been the freehold property of somebody else, and was reported to be full of wealth; though in what

shapewhether in silver, brass, or gold, or butts of wine, or casks of gunpowder was matter of profound

The top of the house was worthy of notice. There was a sort of terrace on the roof, with posts and fragments

of rotten lines, once intended to dry clothes upon; and there were two or three teachests out there, full of

earth, with forgotten plants in them, like old walkingsticks. Whoever climbed to this observatory, was

stunned at first from having knocked his head against the little door in coming out; and after that, was for the

moment choked from having looked perforce, straight down the kitchen chimney; but these two stages over,

there were things to gaze at from the top of Todgers's, well worth your seeing too. For first and foremost, if

the day were bright, you observed upon the housetops, stretching far away, a long dark path; the shadow of

the Monument; and turning round, the tall original was close beside you, with every hair erect upon his

golden head, as if the doings of the city frightened him. Then there were steeples, towers, belfries, shining

vanes, and masts of ships; a very forest. Gables, housetops, garretwindows, wilderness upon wilderness.

After the first glance, there were slight features in the midst of this crowd of objects, which sprung out from

the mass without any reason, as it were, and took hold of the attention whether the spectator would or no.

Thus, the revolving chimneypots on one great stack of buildings seemed to be turning gravely to each other

every now and then, and whispering the result of their separate observation of what was going on below.

Others, of a crookbacked shape, appeared to be maliciously holding themselves askew, that they might shut

the prospect out and baffle Todgers's. The man who was mending a pen at an upper window over the way,

became of paramount importance in the scene, and made a blank in it, ridiculously disproportionate in its

extent, when he retired. The gambols of a piece of cloth upon the dyer's pole had far more interest for the

moment than all the changing motion of the crowd. Yet even while the lookeron felt angry with himself for

this, and wondered how it was, the tumult swelled into a roar; the hosts of objects seemed to thicken and

expand a hundredfold, and after gazing round him, quite scared, he turned into Todgers's again, much more

rapidly than he came out; and ten to one he told M. Todgers afterwards that if he hadn't done so, he would

certainly have come into the street by the shortest cut; that is to say, headforemost.

So said the two Miss Pecksniffs, when they retired with Mrs Todgers from this place of espial, leaving the

youthful porter to close the door and follow them downstairs; who, being of a playful temperament, and

contemplating with a delight peculiar to his sex and time of life, any chance of dashing himself into small

It being the second day of their stay in London, the Miss Pecksniffs and Mrs Todgers were by this time

highly confidential, insomuch that the lastnamed lady had already communicated the particulars of three

early disappointments of a tender nature; and had furthermore possessed her young friends with a general

summary of the life, conduct, and character of Mr Todgers. Who, it seemed, had cut his matrimonial career

rather short, by unlawfully running away from his happiness, and establishing himself in foreign countries as

'Your pa was once a little particular in his attentions, my dears,' said Mrs Todgers, 'but to be your ma was too

She called their attention to an oval miniature, like a little blister, which was tacked up over the kettleholder,

'It was considered so once,' said Mrs Todgers, warming herself in a gentlemanly manner at the fire; 'but I

They would have known it anywhere. If they could have met with it in the street, or seen it in a shop window,

'Presiding over an establishment like this, makes sad havoc with the features, my dear Miss Pecksniffs,' said

Mrs Todgers. 'The gravy alone, is enough to add twenty years to one's age, I do assure you.'

'The anxiety of that one item, my dears,' said Mrs Todgers, 'keeps the mind continually upon the stretch.

There is no such passion in human nature, as the passion for gravy among commercial gentlemen. It's nothing

to say a joint won't yielda whole animal wouldn't yieldthe amount of gravy they expect each day at

dinner. And what I have undergone in consequence,' cried Mrs Todgers, raising her eyes and shaking her

'Just like Mr Pinch, Merry!' said Charity. 'We have always noticed it in him, you remember?'

'You, my dears, having to deal with your pa's pupils who can't help themselves, are able to take your own

way,' said Mrs Todgers; 'but in a commercial establishment, where any gentleman may say any Saturday

evening, "Mrs Todgers, this day week we part, in consequence of the cheese," it is not so easy to preserve a

pleasant understanding. Your pa was kind enough,' added the good lady, 'to invite me to take a ride with you

today; and I think he mentioned that you were going to call upon Miss Pinch. Any relation to the gentleman

'For goodness sake, Mrs Todgers,' interposed the lively Merry, 'don't call him a gentleman. My dear Cherry,

'What a wicked girl you are!' cried Mrs Todgers, embracing her with great affection. 'You are quite a quiz, I

do declare! My dear Miss Pecksniff, what a happiness your sister's spirits must be to your pa and self!'

'He's the most hideous, goggleeyed creature, Mrs Todgers, in existence,' resumed Merry: 'quite an ogre. The

ugliest, awkwardest frightfullest being, you can imagine. This is his sister, so I leave you to suppose what

SHE is. I shall be obliged to laugh outright, I know I shall!' cried the charming girl, 'I never shall be able to

keep my countenance. The notion of a Miss Pinch presuming to exist at all is sufficient to kill one, but to see

Mrs Todgers laughed immensely at the dear love's humour, and declared she was quite afraid of her, that she

'Who is severe?' cried a voice at the door. 'There is no such thing as severity in our family, I hope!' And then

Mr Pecksniff peeped smilingly into the room, and said, 'May I come in, Mrs Todgers?'

Mrs Todgers almost screamed, for the little door of communication between that room and the inner one

being wide open, there was a full disclosure of the sofa bedstead in all its monstrous impropriety. But she had

the presence of mind to close this portal in the twinkling of an eye; and having done so, said, though not

'How are we today,' said Mr Pecksniff, jocosely. 'and what are our plans? Are we ready to go and see Tom

'Are we ready,' returned Mrs Todgers, nodding her head with mysterious intelligence, 'to send a favourable

'Why Mr Jinkins's robin, my dear madam?' asked Mr Pecksniff, putting one arm round Mercy, and the other

round Mrs Todgers, whom he seemed, in the abstraction of the moment, to mistake for Charity. 'Why Mr

'Because he began to get it up, and indeed always takes the lead in the house,' said Mrs Todgers, playfully.

'Jinkins is a man of superior talents,' observed Mr Pecksniff. 'I have conceived a great regard for Jinkins. I

take Jinkins's desire to pay polite attention to my daughters, as an additional proof of the friendly feeling of

'Well now,' returned that lady, 'having said so much, you must say the rest, Mr Pecksniff; so tell the dear

With these words she gently eluded Mr Pecksniff's grasp, and took Miss Charity into her own embrace;

though whether she was impelled to this proceeding solely by the irrepressible affection she had conceived

for that young lady, or whether it had any reference to a lowering, not to say distinctly spiteful expression

which had been visible in her face for some moments, has never been exactly ascertained. Be this as it may,

Mr Pecksniff went on to inform his daughters of the purport and history of the roundrobin aforesaid, which

was in brief, that the commercial gentlemen who helped to make up the sum and substance of that noun of

multitude signifying many, called Todgers's, desired the honour of their presence at the general table, so long

as they remained in the house, and besought that they would grace the board at dinnertime next day, the

same being Sunday. He further said, that Mrs Todgers being a consenting party to this invitation, he was

willing, for his part, to accept it; and so left them that he might write his gracious answer, the while they

armed themselves with their best bonnets for the utter defeat and overthrow of Miss Pinch.

Tom Pinch's sister was governess in a family, a lofty family; perhaps the wealthiest brass and copper

founders' family known to mankind. They lived at Camberwell; in a house so big and fierce, that its mere

outside, like the outside of a giant's castle, struck terror into vulgar minds and made bold persons quail. There

was a great front gate; with a great bell, whose handle was in itself a note of admiration; and a great lodge;

which being close to the house, rather spoilt the lookout certainly but made the lookin tremendous. At this

entry, a great porter kept constant watch and ward; and when he gave the visitor high leave to pass, he rang a

second great bell, responsive to whose note a great footman appeared in due time at the great halldoor, with

such great tags upon his liveried shoulder that he was perpetually entangling and hooking himself among the

chairs and tables, and led a life of torment which could scarcely have been surpassed, if he had been a

To this mansion Mr Pecksniff, accompanied by his daughters and Mrs Todgers, drove gallantly in a

onehorse fly. The foregoing ceremonies having been all performed, they were ushered into the house; and

so, by degrees, they got at last into a small room with books in it, where Mr Pinch's sister was at that moment

instructing her eldest pupil; to wit, a premature little woman of thirteen years old, who had already arrived at

such a pitch of whalebone and education that she had nothing girlish about her, which was a source of great

'Visitors for Miss Pinch!' said the footman. He must have been an ingenious young man, for he said it very

cleverly; with a nice discrimination between the cold respect with which he would have announced visitors to

the family, and the warm personal interest with which he would have announced visitors to the cook.

Miss Pinch rose hastily; with such tokens of agitation as plainly declared that her list of callers was not

numerous. At the same time, the little pupil became alarmingly upright, and prepared herself to take mental

notes of all that might be said and done. For the lady of the establishment was curious in the natural history

and habits of the animal called Governess, and encouraged her daughters to report thereon whenever occasion

served; which was, in reference to all parties concerned, very laudable, improving, and pleasant.

It is a melancholy fact; but it must be related, that Mr Pinch's sister was not at all ugly. On the contrary, she

had a good face; a very mild and prepossessing face; and a pretty little figureslight and short, but

remarkable for its neatness. There was something of her brother, much of him indeed, in a certain gentleness

of manner, and in her look of timid trustfulness; but she was so far from being a fright, or a dowdy, or a

horror, or anything else, predicted by the two Miss Pecksniffs, that those young ladies naturally regarded her

with great indignation, feeling that this was by no means what they had come to see.

Miss Mercy, as having the larger share of gaiety, bore up the best against this disappointment, and carried it

off, in outward show at least, with a titter; but her sister, not caring to hide her disdain, expressed it pretty

openly in her looks. As to Mrs Todgers, she leaned on Mr Pecksniff's arm and preserved a kind of genteel

'Don't be alarmed, Miss Pinch,' said Mr Pecksniff, taking her hand condescendingly in one of his, and patting

it with the other. 'I have called to see you, in pursuance of a promise given to your brother, Thomas Pinch.

The good man emphasised these words as though he would have said, 'You see in me, young person, the

benefactor of your race; the patron of your house; the preserver of your brother, who is fed with manna daily

from my table; and in right of whom there is a considerable balance in my favour at present standing in the

The poor girl felt it all as if it had been Gospel truth. Her brother writing in the fullness of his simple heart,

had often told her so, and how much more! As Mr Pecksniff ceased to speak, she hung her head, and dropped

'Oh very well, Miss Pinch!' thought the sharp pupil, 'crying before strangers, as if you didn't like the

'Thomas is well,' said Mr Pecksniff; 'and sends his love and this letter. I cannot say, poor fellow, that he will

ever be distinguished in our profession; but he has the will to do well, which is the next thing to having the

'I know he has the will, sir,' said Tom Pinch's sister, 'and I know how kindly and considerately you cherish it,

for which neither he nor I can ever be grateful enough, as we very often say in writing to each other. The

young ladies too,' she added, glancing gratefully at his two daughters, 'I know how much we owe to them.'

'My dears,' said Mr Pecksniff, turning to them with a smile: 'Thomas's sister is saying something you will be

'We can't take any merit to ourselves, papa!' cried Cherry, as they both apprised Tom Pinch's sister, with a

curtsey, that they would feel obliged if she would keep her distance. 'Mr Pinch's being so well provided for is

owing to you alone, and we can only say how glad we are to hear that he is as grateful as he ought to be.'

'Oh very well, Miss Pinch!' thought the pupil again. 'Got a grateful brother, living on other people's kindness!'

'It was very kind of you,' said Tom Pinch's sister, with Tom's own simplicity and Tom's own smile, 'to come

here; very kind indeed; though how great a kindness you have done me in gratifying my wish to see you, and

to thank you with my own lips, you, who make so light of benefits conferred, can scarcely think.'

'It makes me happy too,' said Ruth Pinch, who now that her first surprise was over, had a chatty, cheerful way

with her, and a singlehearted desire to look upon the best side of everything, which was the very moral and

image of Tom; 'very happy to think that you will be able to tell him how more than comfortably I am situated

here, and how unnecessary it is that he should ever waste a regret on my being cast upon my own resources.

Dear me! So long as I heard that he was happy, and he heard that I was,' said Tom's sister, 'we could both

bear, without one impatient or complaining thought, a great deal more than ever we have had to endure, I am

very certain.' And if ever the plain truth were spoken on this occasionally false earth, Tom's sister spoke it

'Ah!' cried Mr Pecksniff whose eyes had in the meantime wandered to the pupil; 'certainly. And how do YOU

'A sweet face this, my dears,' said Mr Pecksniff, turning to his daughters. 'A charming manner!'

Both young ladies had been in ecstasies with the scion of a wealthy house (through whom the nearest road

and shortest cut to her parents might be supposed to lie) from the first. Mrs Todgers vowed that anything one

quarter so angelic she had never seen. 'She wanted but a pair of wings, a dear,' said that good woman, 'to be a

'If you will give that to your distinguished parents, my amiable little friend,' said Mr Pecksniff, producing one

'And Mrs Todgers, of London,' added Mr Pecksniff; 'that I, and my daughters, and Mrs Todgers, of London,

did not intrude upon them, as our object simply was to take some notice of Miss Pinch, whose brother is a

young man in my employment; but that I could not leave this very chaste mansion, without adding my

humble tribute, as an Architect, to the correctness and elegance of the owner's taste, and to his just

appreciation of that beautiful art to the cultivation of which I have devoted a life, and to the promotion of

whose glory and advancement I have sacrified aa fortuneI shall be very much obliged to you.'

'Missis's compliments to Miss Pinch,' said the footman, suddenly appearing, and speaking in exactly the same

'Oh!' said Mr Pecksniff, 'Here is the young man. HE will take the card. With my compliments, if you please,

Some confusion was occasioned for an instant by Mrs Todgers's unstrapping her little flat handbasket, and

hurriedly entrusting the 'young man' with one of her own cards, which, in addition to certain detailed

information relative to the terms of the commercial establishment, bore a footnote to the effect that M. T.

took that opportunity of thanking those gentlemen who had honoured her with their favours, and begged they

would have the goodness, if satisfied with the table, to recommend her to their friends. But Mr Pecksniff,

with admirable presence of mind, recovered this document, and buttoned it up in his own pocket.

Then he said to Miss Pinchwith more condescension and kindness than ever, for it was desirable the

footman should expressly understand that they were not friends of hers, but patrons:

'Good morning. Goodbye. God bless you! You may depend upon my continued protection of your brother

'Not at all,' he retorted, patting her gently on the head. 'Don't mention it. You will make me angry if you do.

My sweet child'to the pupil'farewell! That fairy creature,' said Mr Pecksniff, looking in his pensive

mood hard at the footman, as if he meant him, 'has shed a vision on my path, refulgent in its nature, and not

They were not quite ready yet, for they were still caressing the pupil. But they tore themselves away at

length; and sweeping past Miss Pinch with each a haughty inclination of the head and a curtsey strangled in

The young man had rather a long job in showing them out; for Mr Pecksniff's delight in the tastefulness of the

house was such that he could not help often stopping (particularly when they were near the parlour door) and

giving it expression, in a loud voice and very learned terms. Indeed, he delivered, between the study and the

hall, a familiar exposition of the whole science of architecture as applied to dwellinghouses, and was yet in

'If you look,' said Mr Pecksniff, backing from the steps, with his head on one side and his eyes halfshut that

he might the better take in the proportions of the exterior: 'If you look, my dears, at the cornice which

supports the roof, and observe the airiness of its construction, especially where it sweeps the southern angle

Interrupting himself with these words, he very politely bowed to a middleaged gentleman at an upper

window, to whom he spokenot because the gentleman could hear him (for he certainly could not), but as

'I have no doubt, my dears,' said Mr Pecksniff, feigning to point out other beauties with his hand, 'that this is

the proprietor. I should be glad to know him. It might lead to something. Is he looking this way, Charity?'

'Ha, ha!' cried Mr Pecksniff softly. 'All right! He has found I'm professional. He heard me inside just now, I

have no doubt. Don't look! With regard to the fluted pillars in the portico, my dears'

'Sir, your servant!' said Mr Pecksniff, taking off his hat. 'I am proud to make your acquaintance.'

'I beg your pardon, sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, doubtful of his having heard aright. 'Did you?'

'But you ARE intruding,' returned the other, 'unwarrantably intruding. Trespassing. You see a gravel walk,

don't you? What do you think it's meant for? Open the gate there! Show that party out!'

Mr Pecksniff put on his hat, and walked with great deliberation and in profound silence to the fly, gazing at

the clouds as he went, with great interest. After helping his daughters and Mrs Todgers into that conveyance,

he stood looking at it for some moments, as if he were not quite certain whether it was a carriage or a temple;

but having settled this point in his mind, he got into his place, spread his hands out on his knees, and smiled

But his daughters, less tranquilminded, burst into a torrent of indignation. This came, they said, of

cherishing such creatures as the Pinches. This came of lowering themselves to their level. This came of

putting themselves in the humiliating position of seeming to know such bold, audacious, cunning, dreadful

girls as that. They had expected this. They had predicted it to Mrs Todgers, as she (Todgers) could depone,

that very morning. To this, they added, that the owner of the house, supposing them to be Miss Pinch's

friends, had acted, in their opinion, quite correctly, and had done no more than, under such circumstances,

might reasonably have been expected. To that they added (with a trifling inconsistency), that he was a brute

and a bear; and then they merged into a flood of tears, which swept away all wandering epithets before it.

Perhaps Miss Pinch was scarcely so much to blame in the matter as the Seraph, who, immediately on the

withdrawal of the visitors, had hastened to report them at headquarters, with a full account of their having

presumptuously charged her with the delivery of a message afterwards consigned to the footman; which

outrage, taken in conjunction with Mr Pecksniff's unobtrusive remarks on the establishment, might possibly

have had some share in their dismissal. Poor Miss Pinch, however, had to bear the brunt of it with both

parties; being so severely taken to task by the Seraph's mother for having such vulgar acquaintances, that she

was fain to retire to her own room in tears, which her natural cheerfulness and submission, and the delight of

having seen Mr Pecksniff, and having received a letter from her brother, were at first insufficient to repress.

As to Mr Pecksniff, he told them in the fly, that a good action was its own reward; and rather gave them to

understand, that if he could have been kicked in such a cause, he would have liked it all the better. But this

was no comfort to the young ladies, who scolded violently the whole way back, and even exhibited, more

than once, a keen desire to attack the devoted Mrs Todgers; on whose personal appearance, but particularly

on whose offending card and hand basket, they were secretly inclined to lay the blame of half their failure.

Todgers's was in a great bustle that evening, partly owing to some additional domestic preparations for the

morrow, and partly to the excitement always inseparable in that house from Saturday night, when every

gentleman's linen arrived at a different hour in its own little bundle, with his private account pinned on the

outside. There was always a great clinking of pattens downstairs, too, until midnight or so, on Saturdays;

together with a frequent gleaming of mysterious lights in the area; much working at the pump; and a constant

jangling of the iron handle of the pail. Shrill altercations from time to time arose between Mrs Todgers and

unknown females in remote back kitchens; and sounds were occasionally heard, indicative of small articles of

iron mongery and hardware being thrown at the boy. It was the custom of that youth on Saturdays, to roll up

his shirt sleeves to his shoulders, and pervade all parts of the house in an apron of coarse green baize;

moreover, he was more strongly tempted on Saturdays than on other days (it being a busy time), to make

excursive bolts into the neighbouring alleys when he answered the door, and there to play at leapfrog and

other sports with vagrant lads, until pursued and brought back by the hair of his head or the lobe of his ear;

thus he was quite a conspicuous feature among the peculiar incidents of the last day in the week at Todgers's.

He was especially so on this particular Saturday evening, and honoured the Miss Pecksniffs with a deal of

notice; seldom passing the door of Mrs Todgers's private room, where they sat alone before the fire, working

by the light of a solitary candle, without putting in his head and greeting them with some such compliments

'I say,' he whispered, stopping in one of his journeys to and fro, 'young ladies, there's soup tomorrow. She's

'There's a fish tomorrow. Just come. Don't eat none of him!' And, with this special warning, vanished again.

Byandbye, he returned to lay the cloth for supper; it having been arranged between Mrs Todgers and the

young ladies, that they should partake of an exclusive vealcutlet together in the privacy of that apartment.

He entertained them on this occasion by thrusting the lighted candle into his mouth, and exhibiting his face in

a state of transparency; after the performance of which feat, he went on with his professional duties;

brightening every knife as he laid it on the table, by breathing on the blade and afterwards polishing the same

on the apron already mentioned. When he had completed his preparations, he grinned at the sisters, and

expressed his belief that the approaching collation would be of 'rather a spicy sort.'

'No,' said Bailey, 'it IS cooked. When I come up, she was dodging among the tender pieces with a fork, and

But he had scarcely achieved the utterance of these words, when he received a manual compliment on the

head, which sent him staggering against the wall; and Mrs Todgers, dish in hand, stood indignantly before

'No worse than yerself,' retorted Bailey, guarding his head, on a principle invented by Mr Thomas Cribb. 'Ah!

'He's the most dreadful child,' said Mrs Todgers, setting down the dish, 'I ever had to deal with. The

gentlemen spoil him to that extent, and teach him such things, that I'm afraid nothing but hanging will ever do

'Won't it!' cried Bailey. 'Oh! Yes! Wot do you go alowerin the tablebeer for then, and destroying my

'Go downstairs, you vicious boy,' said Mrs Todgers, holding the door open. 'Do you hear me? Go along!'

After two or three dexterous feints, he went, and was seen no more that night, save once, when he brought up

some tumblers and hot water, and much disturbed the two Miss Pecksniffs by squinting hideously behind the

back of the unconscious Mrs Todgers. Having done this justice to his wounded feelings, he retired

underground; where, in company with a swarm of black beetles and a kitchen candle, he employed his

faculties in cleaning boots and brushing clothes until the night was far advanced.

Benjamin was supposed to be the real name of this young retainer but he was known by a great variety of

names. Benjamin, for instance, had been converted into Uncle Ben, and that again had been corrupted into

Uncle; which, by an easy transition, had again passed into Barnwell, in memory of the celebrated relative in

that degree who was shot by his nephew George, while meditating in his garden at Camberwell. The

gentlemen at Todgers's had a merry habit, too, of bestowing upon him, for the time being, the name of any

notorious malefactor or minister; and sometimes when current events were flat they even sought the pages of

history for these distinctions; as Mr Pitt, Young Brownrigg, and the like. At the period of which we write, he

was generally known among the gentlemen as Bailey junior; a name bestowed upon him in contradistinction,

perhaps, to Old Bailey; and possibly as involving the recollection of an unfortunate lady of the same name,

who perished by her own hand early in life, and has been immortalised in a ballad.

The usual Sunday dinnerhour at Todgers's was two o'clocka suitable time, it was considered for all

parties; convenient to Mrs Todgers, on account of the bakers; and convenient to the gentlemen with reference

to their afternoon engagements. But on the Sunday which was to introduce the two Miss Pecksniffs to a full

knowledge of Todgers's and its society, the dinner was postponed until five, in order that everything might be

When the hour drew nigh, Bailey junior, testifying great excitement, appeared in a complete suit of castoff

clothes several sizes too large for him, and in particular, mounted a clean shirt of such extraordinary

magnitude, that one of the gentlemen (remarkable for his ready wit) called him 'collars' on the spot. At about

a quarter before five, a deputation, consisting of Mr Jinkins, and another gentleman, whose name was

Gander, knocked at the door of Mrs Todgers's room, and, being formally introduced to the two Miss

Pecksniffs by their parent who was in waiting, besought the honour of conducting them upstairs.

The drawingroom at Todgers's was out of the common style; so much so indeed, that you would hardly have

taken it to be a drawingroom, unless you were told so by somebody who was in the secret. It was

floorclothed all over; and the ceiling, including a great beam in the middle, was papered. Besides the three

little windows, with seats in them, commanding the opposite archway, there was another window looking

point blank, without any compromise at all about it into Jinkins's bedroom; and high up, all along one side of

the wall was a strip of panes of glass, twodeep, giving light to the staircase. There were the oddest closets

possible, with little casements in them like eightday clocks, lurking in the wainscot and taking the shape of

the stairs; and the very door itself (which was painted black) had two great glass eyes in its forehead, with an

Here the gentlemen were all assembled. There was a general cry of 'Hear, hear!' and 'Bravo Jink!' when Mr

Jinkins appeared with Charity on his arm; which became quite rapturous as Mr Gander followed, escorting

Then the presentations took place. They included a gentleman of a sporting turn, who propounded questions

on jockey subjects to the editors of Sunday papers, which were regarded by his friends as rather stiff things to

answer; and they included a gentleman of a theatrical turn, who had once entertained serious thoughts of

'coming out,' but had been kept in by the wickedness of human nature; and they included a gentleman of a

debating turn, who was strong at speechmaking; and a gentleman of a literary turn, who wrote squibs upon

the rest, and knew the weak side of everybody's character but his own. There was a gentleman of a vocal turn,

and a gentleman of a smoking turn, and a gentleman of a convivial turn; some of the gentlemen had a turn for

whist, and a large proportion of the gentlemen had a strong turn for billiards and betting. They had all, it may

be presumed, a turn for business; being all commercially employed in one way or other; and had, every one in

his own way, a decided turn for pleasure to boot. Mr Jinkins was of a fashionable turn; being a regular

frequenter of the Parks on Sundays, and knowing a great many carriages by sight. He spoke mysteriously,

too, of splendid women, and was suspected of having once committed himself with a Countess. Mr Gander

was of a witty turn being indeed the gentleman who had originated the sally about 'collars;' which sparkling

pleasantry was now retailed from mouth to mouth, under the title of Gander's Last, and was received in all

parts of the room with great applause. Mr Jinkins it may be added, was much the oldest of the party; being a

fishsalesman's book keeper, aged forty. He was the oldest boarder also; and in right of his double seniority,

There was considerable delay in the production of dinner, and poor Mrs Todgers, being reproached in

confidence by Jinkins, slipped in and out, at least twenty times to see about it; always coming back as though

she had no such thing upon her mind, and hadn't been out at all. But there was no hitch in the conversation

nevertheless; for one gentleman, who travelled in the perfumery line, exhibited an interesting nicknack, in

the way of a remarkable cake of shaving soap which he had lately met with in Germany; and the gentleman

of a literary turn repeated (by desire) some sarcastic stanzas he had recently produced on the freezing of the

tank at the back of the house. These amusements, with the miscellaneous conversation arising out of them,

passed the time splendidly, until dinner was announced by Bailey junior in these terms:

On which notice they immediately descended to the banquethall; some of the more facetious spirits in the

rear taking down gentlemen as if they were ladies, in imitation of the fortunate possessors of the two Miss

Mr Pecksniff said gracea short and pious grace, involving a blessing on the appetites of those present, and

committing all persons who had nothing to eat, to the care of Providence; whose business (so said the grace,

in effect) it clearly was, to look after them. This done, they fell to with less ceremony than appetite; the table

groaning beneath the weight, not only of the delicacies whereof the Miss Pecksniffs had been previously

forewarned, but of boiled beef, roast veal, bacon, pies and abundance of such heavy vegetables as are

favourably known to housekeepers for their satisfying qualities. Besides which, there were bottles of stout,

bottles of wine, bottles of ale, and divers other strong drinks, native and foreign.

All this was highly agreeable to the two Miss Pecksniffs, who were in immense request; sitting one on either

hand of Mr Jinkins at the bottom of the table; and who were called upon to take wine with some new admirer

every minute. They had hardly ever felt so pleasant, and so full of conversation, in their lives; Mercy, in

particular, was uncommonly brilliant, and said so many good things in the way of lively repartee that she was

looked upon as a prodigy. 'In short,' as that young lady observed, 'they felt now, indeed, that they were in

Their young friend Bailey sympathized in these feelings to the fullest extent, and, abating nothing of his

patronage, gave them every encouragement in his power; favouring them, when the general attention was

diverted from his proceedings, with many nods and winks and other tokens of recognition, and occasionally

touching his nose with a corkscrew, as if to express the Bacchanalian character of the meeting. In truth,

perhaps even the spirits of the two Miss Pecksniffs, and the hungry watchfulness of Mrs Todgers, were less

worthy of note than the proceedings of this remarkable boy, whom nothing disconcerted or put out of his

way. If any piece of crockery, a dish or otherwise, chanced to slip through his hands (which happened once or

twice), he let it go with perfect good breeding, and never added to the painful emotions of the company by

exhibiting the least regret. Nor did he, by hurrying to and fro, disturb the repose of the assembly, as many

welltrained servants do; on the contrary, feeling the hopelessness of waiting upon so large a party, he left

the gentlemen to help themselves to what they wanted, and seldom stirred from behind Mr Jinkins's chair,

where, with his hands in his pockets, and his legs planted pretty wide apart, he led the laughter, and enjoyed

The dessert was splendid. No waiting either. The puddingplates had been washed in a little tub outside the

door while cheese was on, and though they were moist and warm with friction, still there they were again, up

to the mark, and true to time. Quarts of almonds; dozens of oranges; pounds of raisins; stacks of biffins;

Then more wine came on; red wines and white wines; and a large china bowl of punch, brewed by the

gentleman of a convivial turn, who adjured the Miss Pecksniffs not to be despondent on account of its

dimensions, as there were materials in the house for the decoction of half a dozen more of the same size.

Good gracious, how they laughed! How they coughed when they sipped it, because it was so strong; and how

they laughed again when somebody vowed that but for its colour it might have been mistaken, in regard of its

innocuous qualities, for new milk! What a shout of 'No!' burst from the gentlemen when they pathetically

implored Mr Jinkins to suffer them to qualify it with hot water; and how blushingly, by little and little, did

Now comes the trying time. The sun, as Mr Jinkins says (gentlemanly creature, Jinkinsnever at a loss!), is

about to leave the firmament. 'Miss Pecksniff!' says Mrs Todgers, softly, 'will you?' 'Oh dear, no more,

Mrs Todgers.' Mrs Todgers rises; the two Miss Pecksniffs rise; all rise. Miss Mercy Pecksniff looks

downward for her scarf. Where is it? Dear me, where CAN it be? Sweet girl, she has it on; not on her fair

neck, but loose upon her flowing figure. A dozen hands assist her. She is all confusion. The youngest

gentleman in company thirsts to murder Jinkins. She skips and joins her sister at the door. Her sister has her

arm about the waist of Mrs Todgers. She winds her arm around her sister. Diana, what a picture! The last

The enthusiasm is tremendous. The gentleman of a debating turn rises in the midst, and suddenly lets loose a

tide of eloquence which bears down everything before it. He is reminded of a toasta toast to which they

will respond. There is an individual present; he has him in his eye; to whom they owe a debt of gratitude. He

repeats ita debt of gratitude. Their rugged natures have been softened and ameliorated that day, by the

society of lovely woman. There is a gentleman in company whom two accomplished and delightful females

regard with veneration, as the fountain of their existence. Yes, when yet the two Miss Pecksniffs lisped in

language scarce intelligible, they called that individual 'Father!' There is great applause. He gives them 'Mr

Pecksniff, and God bless him!' They all shake hands with Mr Pecksniff, as they drink the toast. The youngest

gentleman in company does so with a thrill; for he feels that a mysterious influence pervades the man who

What saith Mr Pecksniff in reply? Or rather let the question be, What leaves he unsaid? Nothing. More punch

is called for, and produced, and drunk. Enthusiasm mounts still higher. Every man comes out freely in his

own character. The gentleman of a theatrical turn recites. The vocal gentleman regales them with a song.

Gander leaves the Gander of all former feasts whole leagues behind. HE rises to propose a toast. It is, The

Father of Todgers's. It is their common friend Jinkit is old Jink, if he may call him by that familiar and

endearing appellation. The youngest gentleman in company utters a frantic negative. He won't have ithe

can't bear itit mustn't be. But his depth of feeling is misunderstood. He is supposed to be a little elevated;

Mr Jinkins thanks them from his heart. It is, by many degrees, the proudest day in his humble career. When

he looks around him on the present occasion, he feels that he wants words in which to express his gratitude.

One thing he will say. He hopes it has been shown that Todgers's can be true to itself; and that, an

opportunity arising, it can come out quite as strong as its neighboursperhaps stronger. He reminds them,

amidst thunders of encouragement, that they have heard of a somewhat similar establishment in Cannon

Street; and that they have heard it praised. He wishes to draw no invidious comparisons; he would be the last

man to do it; but when that Cannon Street establishment shall be able to produce such a combination of wit

and beauty as has graced that board that day, and shall be able to serve up (all things considered) such a

dinner as that of which they have just partaken, he will be happy to talk to it. Until then, gentlemen, he will

More punch, more enthusiasm, more speeches. Everybody's health is drunk, saving the youngest gentleman's

in company. He sits apart, with his elbow on the back of a vacant chair, and glares disdainfully at Jinkins.

Gander, in a convulsing speech, gives them the health of Bailey junior; hiccups are heard; and a glass is

broken. Mr Jinkins feels that it is time to join the ladies. He proposes, as a final sentiment, Mrs Todgers. She

is worthy to be remembered separately. Hear, hear. So she is; no doubt of it. They all find fault with her at

They go upstairs, where they are not expected so soon; for Mrs Todgers is asleep, Miss Charity is adjusting

her hair, and Mercy, who has made a sofa of one of the windowseats is in a gracefully recumbent attitude.

She is rising hastily, when Mr Jinkins implores her, for all their sakes, not to stir; she looks too graceful and

too lovely, he remarks, to be disturbed. She laughs, and yields, and fans herself, and drops her fan, and there

is a rush to pick it up. Being now installed, by one consent, as the beauty of the party, she is cruel and

capricious, and sends gentlemen on messages to other gentlemen, and forgets all about them before they can

return with the answer, and invents a thousand tortures, rending their hearts to pieces. Bailey brings up the tea

and coffee. There is a small cluster of admirers round Charity; but they are only those who cannot get near

her sister. The youngest gentleman in company is pale, but collected, and still sits apart; for his spirit loves to

hold communion with itself, and his soul recoils from noisy revellers. She has a consciousness of his

presence and adoration. He sees it flashing sometimes in the corner of her eye. Have a care, Jinkins, ere you

Mr Pecksniff had followed his younger friends upstairs, and taken a chair at the side of Mrs Todgers. He had

also spilt a cup of coffee over his legs without appearing to be aware of the circumstance; nor did he seem to

'Their conduct has been such, my dear madam,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'as I can never think of without emotion,

'I am a man, my dear madam,' said Mr Pecksniff, shedding tears and speaking with an imperfect articulation,

'but I am also a father. I am also a widower. My feelings, Mrs Todgers, will not consent to be entirely

smothered, like the young children in the Tower. They are grown up, and the more I press the bolster on

He suddenly became conscious of the bit of muffin, and stared at it intently; shaking his head the while, in a

forlorn and imbecile manner, as if he regarded it as his evil genius, and mildly reproached it.

'She was beautiful, Mrs Todgers,' he said, turning his glazed eye again upon her, without the least preliminary

'Those are her daughters,' said Mr Pecksniff, pointing out the young ladies, with increased emotion.

'Mercy and Charity,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'Charity and Mercy. Not unholy names, I hope?'

He pressed his hand upon her arm, and answered in a solemn manner, and a faint voice, 'Chronic.'

'Chronic,' he repeated with some difficulty. 'Chronic. A chronic disorder. I have been its victim from

'Yes, it is,' said Mr Pecksniff, reckless with despair. 'I am rather glad of it, upon the whole. You are like her,

'Don't squeeze me so tight, pray, Mr Pecksniff. If any of the gentlemen should notice us.'

'For her sake,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Permit mein honour of her memory. For the sake of a voice from the

'I'm afraid it is a vain and thoughtless world,' said Mr Pecksniff, overflowing with despondency. 'These young

people about us. Oh! what sense have they of their responsibilities? None. Give me your other hand, Mrs

'Has a voice from the grave no influence?' said Mr Pecksniff, with, dismal tenderness. 'This is irreligious! My

'It's not me,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Don't suppose it's me; it's the voice; it's her voice.'

Mrs Pecksniff deceased, must have had an unusually thick and husky voice for a lady, and rather a stuttering

voice, and to say the truth somewhat of a drunken voice, if it had ever borne much resemblance to that in

'It has been a day of enjoyment, Mrs Todgers, but still it has been a day of torture. It has reminded me of my

Mr Pecksniff smiled through his tears, and slightly shook his head. 'You are very good,' he said, 'thank you. It

is a great happiness to me, Mrs Todgers, to make young people happy. The happiness of my pupils is my

'When they say they haven't improved, ma'am,' whispered Mr Pecksniff, looking at her with profound

mystery, and motioning to her to advance her ear a little closer to his mouth. 'When they say they haven't

improved, ma'am, and the premium was too high, they lie! I shouldn't wish it to be mentioned; you will

'Madam,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'you are right. I respect you for that observation. A word in your ear. To Parents

'To Parents and Guardians,' repeated Mr Pecksniff. 'An eligible opportunity now offers, which unites the

advantages of the best practical architectural education with the comforts of a home, and the constant

association with some, who, however humble their sphere and limited their capacityobserve!are not

Mrs Todgers looked a little puzzled to know what this might mean, as well she might; for it was, as the reader

may perchance remember, Mr Pecksniff's usual form of advertisement when he wanted a pupil; and seemed

to have no particular reference, at present, to anything. But Mr Pecksniff held up his finger as a caution to her

'Do you know any parent or guardian, Mrs Todgers,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'who desires to avail himself of such

an opportunity for a young gentleman? An orphan would be preferred. Do you know of any orphan with three

'When you hear of an orphan with three or four hundred pound,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'let that dear orphan's

friends apply, by letter post paid, to S. P., Post Office, Salisbury. I don't know who he is exactly. Don't be

alarmed, Mrs Todgers,' said Mr Pecksniff, falling heavily against her; 'Chronicchronic! Let's have a little

'Bless my life, Miss Pecksniffs!' cried Mrs Todgers, aloud, 'your dear pa's took very poorly!'

Mr Pecksniff straightened himself by a surprising effort, as every one turned hastily towards him; and

standing on his feet, regarded the assembly with a look of ineffable wisdom. Gradually it gave place to a

smile; a feeble, helpless, melancholy smile; bland, almost to sickliness. 'Do not repine, my friends,' said Mr

Pecksniff, tenderly. 'Do not weep for me. It is chronic.' And with these words, after making a futile attempt to

The youngest gentleman in company had him out in a second. Yes, before a hair upon his head was singed,

She was almost beside herself. So was her sister. Jinkins consoled them both. They all consoled them.

Everybody had something to say, except the youngest gentleman in company, who with a noble self

devotion did the heavy work, and held up Mr Pecksniff's head without being taken notice of by anybody. At

last they gathered round, and agreed to carry him upstairs to bed. The youngest gentleman in company was

They carried him upstairs, and crushed the youngest gentleman at every step. His bedroom was at the top of

the house, and it was a long way; but they got him there in course of time. He asked them frequently on the

road for a little drop of something to drink. It seemed an idiosyncrasy. The youngest gentleman in company

proposed a draught of water. Mr Pecksniff called him opprobious names for the suggestion.

Jinkins and Gander took the rest upon themselves, and made him as comfortable as they could, on the outside

of his bed; and when he seemed disposed to sleep, they left him. But before they had all gained the bottom of

the staircase, a vision of Mr Pecksniff, strangely attired, was seen to flutter on the top landing. He desired to

'My friends,' cried Mr Pecksniff, looking over the banisters, 'let us improve our minds by mutual inquiry and

'To bed!' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Bed! 'Tis the voice of the sluggard, I hear him complain, you have woke me too

soon, I must slumber again. If any young orphan will repeat the remainder of that simple piece from Doctor

'This is very soothing,' said Mr Pecksniff, after a pause. 'Extremely so. Cool and refreshing; particularly to the

legs! The legs of the human subject, my friends, are a beautiful production. Compare them with wooden legs,

and observe the difference between the anatomy of nature and the anatomy of art. Do you know,' said Mr

Pecksniff, leaning over the banisters, with an odd recollection of his familiar manner among new pupils at

home, 'that I should very much like to see Mrs Todgers's notion of a wooden leg, if perfectly agreeable to

As it appeared impossible to entertain any reasonable hopes of him after this speech, Mr Jinkins and Mr

Gander went upstairs again, and once more got him into bed. But they had not descended to the second floor

before he was out again; nor, when they had repeated the process, had they descended the first flight, before

he was out again. In a word, as often as he was shut up in his own room, he darted out afresh, charged with

some new moral sentiment, which he continually repeated over the banisters, with extraordinary relish, and

an irrepressible desire for the improvement of his fellow creatures that nothing could subdue.

Under these circumstances, when they had got him into bed for the thirtieth time or so, Mr Jinkins held him,

while his companion went downstairs in search of Bailey junior, with whom he presently returned. That

youth having been apprised of the service required of him, was in great spirits, and brought up a stool, a

candle, and his supper; to the end that he might keep watch outside the bedroom door with tolerable comfort.

When he had completed his arrangements, they locked Mr Pecksniff in, and left the key on the outside;

charging the young page to listen attentively for symptoms of an apoplectic nature, with which the patient

might be troubled, and, in case of any such presenting themselves, to summon them without delay. To which

Mr Bailey modestly replied that 'he hoped he knowed wot o'clock it wos in gineral, and didn't date his letters

But Mr Pecksniff came to town on business. Had he forgotten that? Was he always taking his pleasure with

Todgers's jovial brood, unmindful of the serious demands, whatever they might be, upon his calm

Time and tide will wait for no man, saith the adage. But all men have to wait for time and tide. That tide

which, taken at the flood, would lead Seth Pecksniff on to fortune, was marked down in the table, and about

to flow. No idle Pecksniff lingered far inland, unmindful of the changes of the stream; but there, upon the

water's edge, over his shoes already, stood the worthy creature, prepared to wallow in the very mud, so that it

The trustfulness of his two fair daughters was beautiful indeed. They had that firm reliance on their parent's

nature, which taught them to feel certain that in all he did he had his purpose straight and full before him.

And that its noble end and object was himself, which almost of necessity included them, they knew. The

Their filial confidence was rendered the more touching, by their having no knowledge of their parent's real

designs, in the present instance. All that they knew of his proceedings was, that every morning, after the early

breakfast, he repaired to the post office and inquired for letters. That task performed, his business for the day

was over; and he again relaxed, until the rising of another sun proclaimed the advent of another post.

This went on for four or five days. At length, one morning, Mr Pecksniff returned with a breathless rapidity,

strange to observe in him, at other times so calm; and, seeking immediate speech with his daughters, shut

himself up with them in private conference for two whole hours. Of all that passed in this period, only the

'How he has come to change so very much (if it should turn out as I expect, that he has), we needn't stop to

inquire. My dears, I have my thoughts upon the subject, but I will not impart them. It is enough that we will

not be proud, resentful, or unforgiving. If he wants our friendship he shall have it. We know our duty, I hope!'

That same day at noon, an old gentleman alighted from a hackneycoach at the postoffice, and, giving his

name, inquired for a letter addressed to himself, and directed to be left till called for. It had been lying there

some days. The superscription was in Mr Pecksniff's hand, and it was sealed with Mr Pecksniff's seal.

It was very short, containing indeed nothing more than an address 'with Mr Pecksniff's respectful, and (not

withstanding what has passed) sincerely affectionate regards.' The old gentleman tore off the

directionscattering the rest in fragments to the windsand giving it to the coachman, bade him drive as

near that place as he could. In pursuance of these instructions he was driven to the Monument; where he

Though the face, and form, and gait of this old man, and even his grip of the stout stick on which he leaned,

were all expressive of a resolution not easily shaken, and a purpose (it matters little whether right or wrong,

just now) such as in other days might have survived the rack, and had its strongest life in weakest death; still

there were grains of hesitation in his mind, which made him now avoid the house he sought, and loiter to and

fro in a gleam of sunlight, that brightened the little churchyard hard by. There may have been, in the presence

of those idle heaps of dust among the busiest stir of life, something to increase his wavering; but there he

walked, awakening the echoes as he paced up and down, until the church clock, striking the quarters for the

second time since he had been there, roused him from his meditation. Shaking off his incertitude as the air

parted with the sound of the bells, he walked rapidly to the house, and knocked at the door.

Mr Pecksniff was seated in the landlady's little room, and his visitor found him readingby an accident; he

apologised for itan excellent theological work. There were cake and wine upon a little tableby another

accident, for which he also apologised. Indeed he said, he had given his visitor up, and was about to partake

Mr Pecksniff endeavoured to conceal his agitation as a father when he answered Yes, they were. They were

good girls, he said, very good. He would not venture to recommend Mr Chuzzlewit to take the easychair, or

to keep out of the draught from the door. If he made any such suggestion, he would expose himself, he

feared, to most unjust suspicion. He would, therefore, content himself with remarking that there was an

easychair in the room, and that the door was far from being airtight. This latter imperfection, he might

'In the first place, let me thank you for coming to London so promptly, at my almost unexplained request; I

'It is not,' said Martin, waving his hand impatiently, 'my habit to put mywell! my relativesto any

'That is scarcely the proper word either, in this instance,' said the old man. 'No. You are right.'

Mr Pecksniff was inwardly very much relieved to hear it, though he didn't at all know why.

'You are right,' repeated Martin. 'It is not a caprice. It is built up on reason, proof, and cool comparison.

'How do you know?' returned the other quickly. 'You are to begin to know it now. You are to test and prove

it, in time to come. You and yours are to find that I can be constant, and am not to be diverted from my end.

'I very much regret,' Martin resumed, looking steadily at him, and speaking in a slow and measured tone; 'I

very much regret that you and I held such a conversation together, as that which passed between us at our last

meeting. I very much regret that I laid open to you what were then my thoughts of you, so freely as I did. The

intentions that I bear towards you now are of another kind; deserted by all in whom I have ever trusted;

hoodwinked and beset by all who should help and sustain me; I fly to you for refuge. I confide in you to be

my ally; to attach yourself to me by ties of Interest and Expectation'he laid great stress upon these words,

though Mr Pecksniff particularly begged him not to mention it; 'and to help me to visit the consequences of

the very worst species of meanness, dissimulation, and subtlety, on the right heads.'

'My noble sir!' cried Mr Pecksniff, catching at his outstretched hand. 'And YOU regret the having harboured

'Regrets,' said Martin, 'are the natural property of grey hairs; and I enjoy, in common with all other men, at

least my share of such inheritance. And so enough of that. I regret having been severed from you so long. If I

had known you sooner, and sooner used you as you well deserve, I might have been a happier man.'

'Your daughters,' said Martin, after a short silence. 'I don't know them. Are they like you?'

'In the nose of my eldest and the chin of my youngest, Mr Chuzzlewit,' returned the widower, 'their sainted

''Tis not for me to say,' retorted Mr Pecksniff with a gentle smile. 'I have done my best, sir.'

They were, very near; for they had in fact been listening at the door from the beginning of this conversation

until now, when they precipitately retired. Having wiped the signs of weakness from his eyes, and so given

them time to get upstairs, Mr Pecksniff opened the door, and mildly cried in the passage,

'Come down into the back parlour, if you please, my love,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'and bring your sister with you.'

'Yes, my dear pa,' cried Merry; and down they came directly (being all obedience), singing as they came.

Nothing could exceed the astonishment of the two Miss Pecksniffs when they found a stranger with their dear

papa. Nothing could surpass their mute amazement when he said, 'My children, Mr Chuzzlewit!' But when he

told them that Mr Chuzzlewit and he were friends, and that Mr Chuzzlewit had said such kind and tender

words as pierced his very heart, the two Miss Pecksniffs cried with one accord, 'Thank Heaven for this!' and

fell upon the old man's neck. And when they had embraced him with such fervour of affection that no words

can describe it, they grouped themselves about his chair, and hung over him, as figuring to themselves no

earthly joy like that of ministering to his wants, and crowding into the remainder of his life, the love they

would have diffused over their whole existence, from infancy, if hedear obdurate!had but consented to

The old man looked attentively from one to the other, and then at Mr Pecksniff, several times.

'What,' he asked of Mr Pecksniff, happening to catch his eye in its descent; for until now it had been piously

upraised, with something of that expression which the poetry of ages has attributed to a domestic bird, when

breathing its last amid the ravages of an electric storm: 'What are their names?'

Mr Pecksniff told him, and added, rather hastily; his caluminators would have said, with a view to any

testamentary thoughts that might be flitting through old Martin's mind; 'Perhaps, my dears, you had better

write them down. Your humble autographs are of no value in themselves, but affection may prize them.'

'Affection,' said the old man, 'will expend itself on the living originals. Do not trouble yourselves, my girls, I

shall not so easily forget you, Charity and Mercy, as to need such tokens of remembrance. Cousin!'

'Whyyesoccasionally, sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, who had been standing all this time.

'Can you ask me,' returned Mr Pecksniff, slipping into a chair immediately, 'whether I will do anything that

'You talk confidently,' said Martin, 'and you mean well; but I fear you don't know what an old man's humours

are. You don't know what it is to be required to court his likings and dislikings; to adapt yourself to his

prejudices; to do his bidding, be it what it may; to bear with his distrusts and jealousies; and always still be

zealous in his service. When I remember how numerous these failings are in me, and judge of their

occasional enormity by the injurious thoughts I lately entertained of you, I hardly dare to claim you for my

'My worthy sir,' returned his relative, 'how CAN you talk in such a painful strain! What was more natural

than that you should make one slight mistake, when in all other respects you were so very correct, and have

had such reasonsuch very sad and undeniable reasonto judge of every one about you in the worst light!'

'We always said, my girls and I,' cried Mr Pecksniff with increasing obsequiousness, 'that while we mourned

the heaviness of our misfortune in being confounded with the base and mercenary, still we could not wonder

'We uttered no complaint,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Occasionally we had the presumption to console ourselves with

the remark that Truth would in the end prevail, and Virtue be triumphant; but not often. My loves, you

'And when I saw you,' resumed Mr Pecksniff, with still greater deference, 'in the little, unassuming village

where we take the liberty of dwelling, I said you were mistaken in me, my dear sir; that was all, I think?'

'Nonot all,' said Martin, who had been sitting with his hand upon his brow for some time past, and now

looked up again; 'you said much more, which, added to other circumstances that have come to my

knowledge, opened my eyes. You spoke to me, disinterestedly, on behalf ofI needn't name him. You know

Trouble was expressed in Mr Pecksniff's visage, as he pressed his hot hands together, and replied, with

'I know it,' said old Martin, in his quiet way. 'I am sure of it. I said so. It was disinterested too, in you, to draw

that herd of harpies off from me, and be their victim yourself; most other men would have suffered them to

display themselves in all their rapacity, and would have striven to rise, by contrast, in my estimation. You felt

for me, and drew them off, for which I owe you many thanks. Although I left the place, I know what passed

'My knowledge of your proceedings,' said the old man, does not stop at this. You have a new inmate in your

'I hope not' said Mr Pecksniff, eagerly. 'I trust not. I have been extremely well disposed towards that young

man. I hope it cannot be shown that he has forfeited all claim to my protection. Deceit deceit, my dear Mr

Chuzzlewit, would be final. I should hold myself bound, on proof of deceit, to renounce him instantly.'

The old man glanced at both his fair supporters, but especially at Miss Mercy, whom, indeed, he looked full

in the face, with a greater demonstration of interest than had yet appeared in his features. His gaze again

'Oh dear!' cried Mr Pecksniff, rubbing his hair up very stiff upon his head, and staring wildly at his daughters.

'Surely not without his grandfather's consent and approbation my dear sir!' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'Don't tell me

The indignation felt by Mr Pecksniff at this terrible disclosure, was only to be equalled by the kindling anger

of his daughters. What! Had they taken to their hearth and home a secretly contracted serpent; a crocodile,

who had made a furtive offer of his hand; an imposition on society; a bankrupt bachelor with no effects,

trading with the spinster world on false pretences! And oh, to think that he should have disobeyed and

practised on that sweet, that venerable gentleman, whose name he bore; that kind and tender guardian; his

more than fatherto say nothing at all of motherhorrible, horrible! To turn him out with ignominy would

be treatment much too good. Was there nothing else that could be done to him? Had he incurred no legal

pains and penalties? Could it be that the statutes of the land were so remiss as to have affixed no punishment

'I am glad to find you second me so warmly,' said the old man holding up his hand to stay the torrent of their

wrath. 'I will not deny that it is a pleasure to me to find you so full of zeal. We will consider that topic as

'No, my dear sir,' cried Mr Pecksniff, 'not as disposed of, until I have purged my house of this pollution.'

'That will follow,' said the old man, 'in its own time. I look upon that as done.'

'You are very good, sir,' answered Mr Pecksniff, shaking his hand. 'You do me honour. You MAY look upon

'There is another topic,' said Martin, 'on which I hope you will assist me. You remember Mary, cousin?'

'The young lady that I mentioned to you, my dears, as having interested me so very much,' remarked Mr

'Which I also mentioned, you will recollect, my dears,' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'Silly girls, Mr Chuzzlewitquite

'Why, look now!' said Martin, evidently pleased; 'I feared I should have had to urge her case upon you, and

ask you to regard her favourably for my sake. But I find you have no jealousies! Well! You have no cause for

The two Miss Pecksniffs murmured their approval of this wise arrangement, and their cordial sympathy with

'If I could have anticipated what has come to pass between us four,' said the old man thoughfully; 'but it is too

late to think of that. You would receive her courteously, young ladies, and be kind to her, if need were?'

Where was the orphan whom the two Miss Pecksniffs would not have cherished in their sisterly bosom! But

when that orphan was commended to their care by one on whom the dammedup love of years was gushing

forth, what exhaustless stores of pure affection yearned to expend themselves upon her!

An interval ensued, during which Mr Chuzzlewit, in an absent frame of mind, sat gazing at the ground,

without uttering a word; and as it was plain that he had no desire to be interrupted in his meditations, Mr

Pecksniff and his daughters were profoundly silent also. During the whole of the foregoing dialogue, he had

borne his part with a cold, passionless promptitude, as though he had learned and painfully rehearsed it all a

hundred times. Even when his expressions were warmest and his language most encouraging, he had retained

the same manner, without the least abatement. But now there was a keener brightness in his eye, and more

Mr Pecksniff looked benevolently sagacious, and at the same time far above all earthly misconstruction, as he

shook his head, and observed that a great many things would be said of it, no doubt.

'A great many,' rejoined the old man. 'Some will say that I dote in my old age; that illness has shaken me; that

Mr Pecksniff answered that it would be dreadfully hard to bear, but he thought he could, if he made a great

'Others will sayI speak of disappointed, angry people onlythat you have lied and fawned, and wormed

yourself through dirty ways into my favour; by such concessions and such crooked deeds, such meannesses

and vile endurances, as nothing could repay; no, not the legacy of half the world we live in. You can bear

Mr Pecksniff made reply that this would be also very hard to bear, as reflecting, in some degree, on the

discernment of Mr Chuzzlewit. Still he had a modest confidence that he could sustain the calumny, with the

'With the great mass of slanderers,' said old Martin, leaning back in his chair, 'the tale, as I clearly foresee,

will run thus: That to mark my contempt for the rabble whom I despised, I chose from among them the very

worst, and made him do my will, and pampered and enriched him at the cost of all the rest. That, after casting

about for the means of a punishment which should rankle in the bosoms of these kites the most, and strike

into their gall, I devised this scheme at a time when the last link in the chain of grateful love and duty, that

held me to my race, was roughly snapped asunder; roughly, for I loved him well; roughly, for I had ever put

my trust in his affection; roughly, for that he broke it when I loved him mostGod help me!and he

without a pang could throw me off, while I clung about his heart! Now,' said the old man, dismissing this

passionate outburst as suddenly as he had yielded to it, 'is your mind made up to bear this likewise? Lay your

'My dear Mr Chuzzlewit,' cried Pecksniff in an ecstasy, 'for such a man as you have shown yourself to be this

day; for a man so injured, yet so very humane; for a man soI am at a loss what precise term to useyet at

the same time so remarkablyI don't know how to express my meaning; for such a man as I have described,

I hope it is no presumption to say that I, and I am sure I may add my children also (my dears, we perfectly

'Enough,' said Martin. 'You can charge no consequences on me. When do you retire home?'

'I desire nothing,' returned the old man, 'that is unreasonable. Such a request would be. Will you be ready to

The very time of all others that Mr Pecksniff would have suggested if it had been left to him to make his own

choice. As to his daughtersthe words, 'Let us be at home on Saturday, dear pa,' were actually upon their

'Your expenses, cousin,' said Martin, taking a folded slip of paper from his pocketbook, 'may possibly exceed

that amount. If so, let me know the balance that I owe you, when we next meet. It would be useless if I told

you where I live just now; indeed, I have no fixed abode. When I have, you shall know it. You and your

daughters may expect to see me before long; in the meantime I need not tell you that we keep our own

confidence. What you will do when you get home is understood between us. Give me no account of it at any

time; and never refer to it in any way. I ask that as a favour. I am commonly a man of few words, cousin; and

'One glass of wineone morsel of this homely cake?' cried Mr Pecksniff, venturing to detain him. 'My

'Poor girls!' said Mr Pecksniff. 'You will excuse their agitation, my dear sir. They are made up of feeling. A

bad commodity to go through the world with, Mr Chuzzlewit! My youngest daughter is almost as much of a

'Mercy, by five years,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'We sometimes venture to consider her rather a fine figure, sir.

Speaking as an artist, I may perhaps be permitted to suggest that its outline is graceful and correct. I am

naturally,' said Mr Pecksniff, drying his hands upon his handkerchief, and looking anxiously in his cousin's

face at almost every word, 'proud, if I may use the expression, to have a daughter who is constructed on the

'Dear me!' said Mr Pecksniff. 'That is quite remarkable. You have defined her character, my dear sir, as

correctly as if you had known her from her birth. She HAS a lively disposition. I assure you, my dear sir, that

'Charity, upon the other hand,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'is remarkable for strong sense, and for rather a deep tone of

sentiment, if the partiality of a father may be excused in saying so. A wonderful affection between them, my

'I little thought,' retorted Martin, 'but a month ago, that I should be breaking bread and pouring wine with you.

Not at all abashed by the extraordinary abruptness with which these latter words were spoken, Mr Pecksniff

'Now let me go,' said Martin, putting down the wine when he had merely touched it with his lips. 'My dears,

But this distant form of farewell was by no means tender enough for the yearnings of the young ladies, who

again embraced him with all their heartswith all their arms at any rateto which parting caresses their

newfound friend submitted with a better grace than might have been expected from one who, not a moment

before, had pledged their parent in such a very uncomfortable manner. These endearments terminated, he

took a hasty leave of Mr Pecksniff and withdrew, followed to the door by both father and daughters, who

stood there kissing their hands and beaming with affection until he disappeared; though, by the way, he never

When they returned into the house, and were again alone in Mrs Todgers's room, the two young ladies

exhibited an unusual amount of gaiety; insomuch that they clapped their hands, and laughed, and looked with

roguish aspects and a bantering air upon their dear papa. This conduct was so very unaccountable, that Mr

Pecksniff (being singularly grave himself) could scarcely choose but ask them what it meant; and took them

'If it was possible to divine any cause for this merriment, even the most remote,' he said, 'I should not reprove

This admonition had so little effect on Mercy, that she was obliged to hold her handkerchief before her rosy

lips, and to throw herself back in her chair, with every demonstration of extreme amusement; which want of

duty so offended Mr Pecksniff that he reproved her in set terms, and gave her his parental advice to correct

herself in solitude and contemplation. But at that juncture they were disturbed by the sound of voices in

dispute; and as it proceeded from the next room, the subject matter of the altercation quickly reached their

'I don't care that! Mrs Todgers,' said the young gentleman who had been the youngest gentleman in company

on the day of the festival; 'I don't care THAT, ma'am,' said he, snapping his fingers, 'for Jinkins. Don't

'I am quite certain you don't, sir,' replied Mrs Todgers. 'You have too independent a spirit, I know, to yield to

anybody. And quite right. There is no reason why you should give way to any gentleman. Everybody must be

'I should think no more of admitting daylight into the fellow,' said the youngest gentleman, in a desperate

Mrs Todgers did not stop to inquire whether, as a matter of principle, there was any particular reason for

admitting daylight even into a bulldog, otherwise than by the natural channel of his eyes, but she seemed to

'Let him be careful,' said the youngest gentleman. 'I give him warning. No man shall step between me and the

current of my vengeance. I know a Cove' he used that familiar epithet in his agitation but corrected himself

by adding, 'a gentleman of property, I meanwho practices with a pair of pistols (fellows too) of his own. If

I am driven to borrow 'em, and to send at friend to Jinkins, a tragedy will get into the papers. That's all.'

'I have borne this long enough,' said the youngest gentleman but now my soul rebels against it, and I won't

stand it any longer. I left home originally, because I had that within me which wouldn't be domineered over

'It is very wrong in Mr Jinkins; I know it is perfectly inexcusable in Mr Jinkins, if he intends it,' observed Mrs

'If he intends it!' cried the youngest gentleman. 'Don't he interrupt and contradict me on every occasion? Does

he ever fail to interpose himself between me and anything or anybody that he sees I have set my mind upon?

Does he make a point of always pretending to forget me, when he's pouring out the beer? Does he make

bragging remarks about his razors, and insulting allusions to people who have no necessity to shave more

than once a week? But let him look out! He'll find himself shaved, pretty close, before long, and so I tell him.'

The young gentleman was mistaken in this closing sentence, inasmuch as he never told it to Jinkins, but

'However,' he said, 'these are not proper subjects for ladies' ears. All I've got to say to you, Mrs Todgers, is, a

week's notice from next Saturday. The same house can't contain that miscreant and me any longer. If we get

over the intermediate time without bloodshed, you may think yourself pretty fortunate. I don't myself expect

'Dear, dear!' cried Mrs Todgers, 'what would I have given to have prevented this? To lose you, sir, would be

like losing the house's righthand. So popular as you are among the gentlemen; so generally looked up to;

and so much liked! I do hope you'll think better of it; if on nobody else's account, on mine.'

'There's Jinkins,' said the youngest gentleman, moodily. 'Your favourite. He'll console you, and the gentlemen

too, for the loss of twenty such as me. I'm not understood in this house. I never have been.'

'Don't run away with that opinion, sir!' cried Mrs Todgers, with a show of honest indignation. 'Don't make

such a charge as that against the establishment, I must beg of you. It is not so bad as that comes to, sir. Make

any remark you please against the gentlemen, or against me; but don't say you're not understood in this

'There you make a great mistake, sir,' returned Mrs Todgers, in the same strain. 'As many of the gentlemen

and I have often said, you are too sensitive. That's where it is. You are of too susceptible a nature; it's in your

'And as,' said Mrs Todgers, 'as to Mr Jinkins, I must beg of you, if we ARE to part, to understand that I don't

abet Mr Jinkins by any means. Far from it. I could wish that Mr Jinkins would take a lower tone in this

establishment, and would not be the means of raising differences between me and gentlemen that I can much

less bear to part with than I could with Mr Jinkins. Mr Jinkins is not such a boarder, sir,' added Mrs Todgers,

'that all considerations of private feeling and respect give way before him. Quite the contrary, I assure you.'

The young gentleman was so much mollified by these and similar speeches on the part of Mrs Todgers, that

he and that lady gradually changed positions; so that she became the injured party, and he was understood to

be the injurer; but in a complimentary, not in an offensive sense; his cruel conduct being attributable to his

exalted nature, and to that alone. So, in the end, the young gentleman withdrew his notice, and assured Mrs

'Goodness me, Miss Pecksniffs!' cried that lady, as she came into the back room, and sat wearily down, with

her basket on her knees, and her hands folded upon it, 'what a trial of temper it is to keep a house like this!

You must have heard most of what has just passed. Now did you ever hear the like?'

'Of all the ridiculous young fellows that ever I had to deal with,' resumed Mrs Todgers, 'that is the most

ridiculous and unreasonable. Mr Jinkins is hard upon him sometimes, but not half as hard as he deserves. To

mention such a gentleman as Mr Jinkins in the same breath with HIMyou know it's too much! And yet he's

The young ladies were greatly entertained by Mrs Todgers's account, no less than with certain anecdotes

illustrative of the youngest gentleman's character, which she went on to tell them. But Mr Pecksniff looked

'Pray, Mrs Todgers, if I may inquire, what does that young gentleman contribute towards the support of these

'Why, sir, for what HE has, he pays about eighteen shillings a week!' said Mrs Todgers.

Mr Pecksniff rose from his chair, folded his arms, looked at her, and shook his head.

'And do you mean to say, ma'amis it possible, Mrs Todgersthat for such a miserable consideration as

eighteen shillings a week, a female of your understanding can so far demean herself as to wear a double face,

'I am forced to keep things on the square if I can, sir,' faltered Mrs Todgers. 'I must preserve peace among

them, and keep my connection together, if possible, Mr Pecksniff. The profit is very small.'

'The profit!' cried that gentleman, laying great stress upon the word. 'The profit, Mrs Todgers! You amaze

'The profit!' repeated Mr pecksniff. 'The profit of dissimulation! To worship the golden calf of Baal, for

'Don't in your own goodness be too hard upon me, Mr Pecksniff,' cried Mrs Todgers, taking out her

'Oh Calf, Calf!' cried Mr Pecksniff mournfully. 'Oh, Baal, Baal! oh my friend, Mrs Todgers! To barter away

that precious jewel, self esteem, and cringe to any mortal creaturefor eighteen shillings a week!'

He was so subdued and overcome by the reflection, that he immediately took down his hat from its peg in the

passage, and went out for a walk, to compose his feelings. Anybody passing him in the street might have

known him for a good man at first sight; for his whole figure teemed with a consciousness of the moral

Eighteen shillings a week! Just, most just, thy censure, upright Pecksniff! Had it been for the sake of a ribbon,

star, or garter; sleeves of lawn, a great man's smile, a seat in parliament, a tap upon the shoulder from a

courtly sword; a place, a party, or a thriving lie, or eighteen thousand pounds, or even eighteen

hundred;but to worship the golden calf for eighteen shillings a week! oh pitiful, pitiful!

The family were within two or three days of their departure from Mrs Todgers's, and the commercial

gentlemen were to a man despondent and not to be comforted, because of the approaching separation, when

Bailey junior, at the jocund time of noon, presented himself before Miss Charity Pecksniff, then sitting with

her sister in the banquet chamber, hemming six new pockethandkerchiefs for Mr Jinkins; and having

expressed a hope, preliminary and pious, that he might be blest, gave her in his pleasant way to understand

that a visitor attended to pay his respects to her, and was at that moment waiting in the drawingroom.

Perhaps this last announcement showed in a more striking point of view than many lengthened speeches

could have done, the trustfulness and faith of Bailey's nature; since he had, in fact, last seen the visitor on the

doormat, where, after signifying to him that he would do well to go upstairs, he had left him to the guidance

of his own sagacity. Hence it was at least an even chance that the visitor was then wandering on the roof of

the house, or vainly seeking to extricate himself from the maze of bedrooms; Todgers's being precisely that

kind of establishment in which an unpiloted stranger is pretty sure to find himself in some place where he

'A gentleman for me!' cried Charity, pausing in her work; 'my gracious, Bailey!'

'Ah!' said Bailey. 'It IS my gracious, an't it? Wouldn't I be gracious neither, not if I wos him!'

The remark was rendered somewhat obscure in itself, by reason (as the reader may have observed) of a

redundancy of negatives; but accompanied by action expressive of a faithful couple walking arm inarm

towards a parochial church, mutually exchanging looks of love, it clearly signified this youth's conviction that

the caller's purpose was of an amorous tendency. Miss Charity affected to reprove so great a liberty; but she

could not help smiling. He was a strange boy, to be sure. There was always some ground of probability and

'But I don't know any gentlemen, Bailey,' said Miss Pecksniff. 'I think you must have made a mistake.'

Mr Bailey smiled at the extreme wildness of such a supposition, and regarded the young ladies with

'My dear Merry,' said Charity, 'who CAN it be? Isn't it odd? I have a great mind not to go to him really. So

The younger sister plainly considered that this appeal had its origin in the pride of being called upon and

asked for; and that it was intended as an assertion of superiority, and a retaliation upon her for having

captured the commercial gentlemen. Therefore, she replied, with great affection and politeness, that it was, no

doubt, very strange indeed; and that she was totally at a loss to conceive what the ridiculous person unknown

'Quite impossible to divine!' said Charity, with some sharpness, 'though still, at the same time, you needn't be

'Thank you,' retorted Merry, singing at her needle. 'I am quite aware of that, my love.'

'Do you know, my dear,' said Merry, with engaging candour, 'that I have been afraid of that, myself, all

along! So much incense and nonsense, and all the rest of it, is enough to turn a stronger head than mine. What

a relief it must be to you, my dear, to be so very comfortable in that respect, and not to be worried by those

This artless inquiry might have led to turbulent results, but for the strong emotions of delight evinced by

Bailey junior, whose relish in the turn the conversation had lately taken was so acute, that it impelled and

forced him to the instantaneous performance of a dancing step, extremely difficult in its nature, and only to

be achieved in a moment of ecstasy, which is commonly called The Frog's Hornpipe. A manifestation so

lively, brought to their immediate recollection the great virtuous precept, 'Keep up appearances whatever you

do,' in which they had been educated. They forbore at once, and jointly signified to Mr Bailey that if he

should presume to practice that figure any more in their presence, they would instantly acquaint Mrs Todgers

with the fact, and would demand his condign punishment, at the hands of that lady. The young gentleman

having expressed the bitterness of his contrition by affecting to wipe away scalding tears with his apron, and

afterwards feigning to wring a vast amount of water from that garment, held the door open while Miss

Charity passed out; and so that damsel went in state upstairs to receive her mysterious adorer.

By some strange occurrence of favourable circumstances he had found out the drawingroom, and was sitting

'Ah, cousin!' he said. 'Here I am, you see. You thought I was lost, I'll be bound. Well! how do you find

Miss Charity replied that she was quite well, and gave Mr Jonas Chuzzlewit her hand.

'That's right,' said Mr Jonas, 'and you've got over the fatigues of the journey have you? I say. How's the other

'My sister is very well, I believe,' returned the young lady. 'I have not heard her complain of any

'No, no cousin!' said Mr Jonas, sitting down beside her on the windowseat. 'Don't be in a hurry. There's no

'Well, perhaps it is,' said Mr Jonas. 'I sayDid you think I was lost? You haven't told me that.'

'Didn't you though?' said Jonas, pondering upon this strange reply. 'Did the other one?'

'I am sure it's impossible for me to say what my sister may, or may not have thought on such a subject,' cried

'Liveliness is a pleasant thingwhen it don't lead to spending money. An't it?' asked Mr Jonas.

'Very much so, indeed,' said Cherry, with a demureness of manner that gave a very disinterested character to

'Such liveliness as yours I mean, you know,' observed Mr Jonas, as he nudged her with his elbow. 'I should

have come to see you before, but I didn't know where you was. How quick you hurried off, that morning!'

'I wish he had given me his direction,' returned her cousin, 'and then I should have found you out before.

Why, I shouldn't have found you even now, if I hadn't met him in the street this morning. What a sleek, sly

'I must trouble you to have the goodness to speak more respectfully of my papa, Mr Jonas,' said Charity. 'I

'Ecod, you may say what you like of MY father, then, and so I give you leave,' said Jonas. 'I think it's liquid

aggravation that circulates through his veins, and not regular blood. How old should you think my father was,

'A fine old gentleman!' repeated Jonas, giving the crown of his hat an angry knock. 'Ah! It's time he was

'And ecod,' cried Jonas, 'now he's gone so far without giving in, I don't see much to prevent his being ninety;

no, nor even a hundred. Why, a man with any feeling ought to be ashamed of being eighty, let alone more.

Where's his religion, I should like to know, when he goes flying in the face of the Bible like that?

Threescoreand ten's the mark, and no man with a conscience, and a proper sense of what's expected of

Is any one surprised at Mr Jonas making such a reference to such a book for such a purpose? Does any one

doubt the old saw, that the Devil (being a layman) quotes Scripture for his own ends? If he will take the

trouble to look about him, he may find a greater number of confirmations of the fact in the occurrences of any

'But there's enough of my father,' said Jonas; 'it's of no use to go putting one's self out of the way by talking

about HIM. I called to ask you to come and take a walk, cousin, and see some of the sights; and to come to

our house afterwards, and have a bit of something. Pecksniff will most likely look in in the evening, he says,

and bring you home. See, here's his writing; I made him put it down this morning when he told me he

shouldn't be back before I came here; in case you wouldn't believe me. There's nothing like proof, is there?

Miss Charity cast her eyes upon her father's autograph, which merely said'Go, my children, with your

cousin. Let there be union among us when it is possible;' and after enough of hesitation to impart a proper

value to her consent, withdrew to prepare her sister and herself for the excursion. She soon returned,

accompanied by Miss Mercy, who was by no means pleased to leave the brilliant triumphs of Todgers's for

'Yes, fright,' said Mercy, 'here I am; and I would much rather be anywhere else, I assure you.'

'You don't mean that,' cried Mr Jonas. 'You can't, you know. It isn't possible.'

'You can have what opinion you like, fright,' retorted Mercy. 'I am content to keep mine; and mine is that you

are a very unpleasant, odious, disagreeable person.' Here she laughed heartily, and seemed to enjoy herself

'Oh, you're a sharp gal!' said Mr Jonas. 'She's a regular teaser, an't she, cousin?'

Miss Charity replied in effect, that she was unable to say what the habits and propensities of a regular teaser

might be; and that even if she possessed such information, it would ill become her to admit the existence of

any creature with such an unceremonious name in her family; far less in the person of a beloved sister;

'whatever,' added Cherry with an angry glance, 'whatever her real nature may be.'

'Well, my dear,' said Merry, 'the only observation I have to make is, that if we don't go out at once, I shall

This threat had the desired effect of preventing any farther altercation, for Mr Jonas immediately proposed an

adjournment, and the same being carried unanimously, they departed from the house straightway. On the

doorstep, Mr Jonas gave an arm to each cousin; which act of gallantry being observed by Bailey junior, from

the garret window, was by him saluted with a loud and violent fit of coughing, to which paroxysm he was

Mr Jonas inquired in the first instance if they were good walkers and being answered, 'Yes,' submitted their

pedestrian powers to a pretty severe test; for he showed them as many sights, in the way of bridges, churches,

streets, outsides of theatres, and other free spectacles, in that one forenoon, as most people see in a

twelvemonth. It was observable in this gentleman, that he had an insurmountable distaste to the insides of

buildings, and that he was perfectly acquainted with the merits of all shows, in respect of which there was any

charge for admission, which it seemed were every one detestable, and of the very lowest grade of merit. He

was so thoroughly possessed with this opinion, that when Miss Charity happened to mention the

circumstance of their having been twice or thrice to the theatre with Mr Jinkins and party, he inquired, as a

matter of course, 'where the orders came from?' and being told that Mr Jinkins and party paid, was beyond

description entertained, observing that 'they must be nice flats, certainly;' and often in the course of the walk,

bursting out again into a perfect convulsion of laughter at the surpassing silliness of those gentlemen, and

When they had been out for some hours and were thoroughly fatigued, it being by that time twilight, Mr

Jonas intimated that he would show them one of the best pieces of fun with which he was acquainted. This

joke was of a practical kind, and its humour lay in taking a hackneycoach to the extreme limits of possibility

for a shilling. Happily it brought them to the place where Mr Jonas dwelt, or the young ladies might have

The oldestablished firm of Anthony Chuzzlewit and Son, Manchester Warehousemen, and so forth, had its

place of business in a very narrow street somewhere behind the Post Office; where every house was in the

brightest summer morning very gloomy; and where light porters watered the pavement, each before his own

employer's premises, in fantastic patterns, in the dogdays; and where spruce gentlemen with their hands in

the pockets of symmetrical trousers, were always to be seen in warm weather, contemplating their undeniable

boots in dusty warehouse doorways; which appeared to be the hardest work they did, except now and then

carrying pens behind their ears. A dim, dirty, smoky, tumbledown, rotten old house it was, as anybody

would desire to see; but there the firm of Anthony Chuzzlewit and Son transacted all their business and their

pleasure too, such as it was; for neither the young man nor the old had any other residence, or any care or

Business, as may be readily supposed, was the main thing in this establishment; insomuch indeed that it

shouldered comfort out of doors, and jostled the domestic arrangements at every turn. Thus in the miserable

bedrooms there were files of motheaten letters hanging up against the walls; and linen rollers, and fragments

of old patterns, and odds and ends of spoiled goods, strewed upon the ground; while the meagre bedsteads,

washingstands, and scraps of carpet, were huddled away into corners as objects of secondary consideration,

not to be thought of but as disagreeable necessities, furnishing no profit, and intruding on the one affair of

life. The single sittingroom was on the same principle, a chaos of boxes and old papers, and had more

countinghouse stools in it than chairs; not to mention a great monster of a desk straddling over the middle of

the floor, and an iron safe sunk into the wall above the fireplace. The solitary little table for purposes of

refection and social enjoyment, bore as fair a proportion to the desk and other business furniture, as the

graces and harmless relaxations of life had ever done, in the persons of the old man and his son, to their

pursuit of wealth. It was meanly laid out now for dinner; and in a chair before the fire sat Anthony himself,

An ancient proverb warns us that we should not expect to find old heads upon young shoulders; to which it

may be added that we seldom meet with that unnatural combination, but we feel a strong desire to knock

them off; merely from an inherent love we have of seeing things in their right places. It is not improbable that

many men, in no wise choleric by nature, felt this impulse rising up within them, when they first made the

acquaintance of Mr Jonas; but if they had known him more intimately in his own house, and had sat with him

at his own board, it would assuredly have been paramount to all other considerations.

'Well, ghost!' said Mr Jonas, dutifully addressing his parent by that title. 'Is dinner nearly ready?'

'What's the good of that?' rejoined the son. 'I should think it was. I want to know.'

'You don't know for certain,' rejoined his son in a lower tone. 'No. You don't know anything for certain, YOU

Anthony handed him a battered old office candlestick, with which Mr Jonas preceded the young ladies to the

nearest bedroom, where he left them to take off their shawls and bonnets; and returning, occupied himself in

opening a bottle of wine, sharpening the carvingknife, and muttering compliments to his father, until they

and the dinner appeared together. The repast consisted of a hot leg of mutton with greens and potatoes; and

the dishes having been set upon the table by a slipshod old woman, they were left to enjoy it after their own

'Bachelor's Hall, you know, cousin,' said Mr Jonas to Charity. 'I saythe other one will be having a laugh at

this when she gets home, won't she? Here; you sit on the right side of me, and I'll have her upon the left.

'You're such a fright,' replied Mercy, 'that I know I shall have no appetite if I sit so near you; but I suppose I

'An't she lively?' whispered Mr Jonas to the elder sister, with his favourite elbow emphasis.

'Oh I really don't know!' replied Miss Pecksniff, tartly. 'I am tired of being asked such ridiculous questions.'

'What's that precious old father of mine about now?' said Mr Jonas, seeing that his parent was travelling up

and down the room instead of taking his seat at table. 'What are you looking for?'

'Sit down without your glasses, can't you?' returned his son. 'You don't eat or drink out of 'em, I think; and

where's that sleepy headed old Chuffey got to! Now, stupid. Oh! you know your name, do you?'

It would seem that he didn't, for he didn't come until the father called. As he spoke, the door of a small glass

office, which was partitioned off from the rest of the room, was slowly opened, and a little bleareyed,

weazenfaced, ancient man came creeping out. He was of a remote fashion, and dusty, like the rest of the

furniture; he was dressed in a decayed suit of black; with breeches garnished at the knees with rusty wisps of

ribbon, the very paupers of shoestrings; on the lower portion of his spindle legs were dingy worsted stockings

of the same colour. He looked as if he had been put away and forgotten half a century before, and somebody

Such as he was, he came slowly creeping on towards the table, until at last he crept into the vacant chair,

from which, as his dim faculties became conscious of the presence of strangers, and those strangers ladies, he

rose again, apparently intending to make a bow. But he sat down once more without having made it, and

breathing on his shrivelled hands to warm them, remained with his poor blue nose immovable above his

plate, looking at nothing, with eyes that saw nothing, and a face that meant nothing. Take him in that state,

'Our clerk,' said Mr Jonas, as host and master of the ceremonies: 'Old Chuffey.'

'Nno. I never understood that he was at all blind,' said Jonas, carelessly. 'You don't consider him so, do

'Why, I'll tell you what he is,' said Mr Jonas, apart to the young ladies, 'he's precious old, for one thing; and I

an't best pleased with him for that, for I think my father must have caught it of him. He's a strange old chap,

for another,' he added in a louder voice, 'and don't understand any one hardly, but HIM!' He pointed to his

honoured parent with the carvingfork, in order that they might know whom he meant.

'Why, you see,' said Mr Jonas, 'he's been addling his old brains with figures and bookkeeping all his life;

and twenty years ago or so he went and took a fever. All the time he was out of his head (which was three

weeks) he never left off casting up; and he got to so many million at last that I don't believe he's ever been

quite right since. We don't do much business now though, and he an't a bad clerk.'

'Well! He an't a dear one at all events,' observed Jonas; 'and he earns his salt, which is enough for our

lookout. I was telling you that he hardly understands any one except my father; he always understands him,

though, and wakes up quite wonderful. He's been used to his ways so long, you see! Why, I've seen him play

whist, with my father for a partner; and a good rubber too; when he had no more notion what sort of people

'Oh, yes,' said Jonas, plying his own knife and fork very fast. 'He eatswhen he's helped. But he don't care

whether he waits a minute or an hour, as long as father's here; so when I'm at all sharp set, as I am today, I

come to him after I've taken the edge off my own hunger, you know. Now, Chuffey, stupid, are you ready?'

'Always a perverse old file, he was,' said Mr Jonas, coolly helping himself to another slice. 'Ask him, father.'

'Yes, yes,' said Chuffey, lighting up into a sentient human creature at the first sound of the voice, so that it

was at once a curious and quite a moving sight to see him. 'Yes, yes. Quite ready, Mr Chuzzlewit. Quite

ready, sir. All ready, all ready, all ready.' With that he stopped, smilingly, and listened for some further

address; but being spoken to no more, the light forsook his face by little and little, until he was nothing again.

'He'll be very disagreeable, mind,' said Jonas, addressing his cousins as he handed the old man's portion to his

father. 'He always chokes himself when it an't broth. Look at him, now! Did you ever see a horse with such a

walleyed expression as he's got? If it hadn't been for the joke of it I wouldn't have let him come in today;

The poor old subject of this humane speech was, happily for himself, as unconscious of its purport as of most

other remarks that were made in his presence. But the mutton being tough, and his gums weak, he quickly

verified the statement relative to his choking propensities, and underwent so much in his attempts to dine,

that Mr Jonas was infinitely amused; protesting that he had seldom seen him better company in all his life,

and that he was enough to make a man split his sides with laughing. Indeed, he went so far as to assure the

sisters, that in this point of view he considered Chuffey superior to his own father; which, as he significantly

It was strange enough that Anthony Chuzzlewit, himself so old a man, should take a pleasure in these gibings

of his estimable son at the expense of the poor shadow at their table. But he did, unquestionably; though not

so muchto do him justicewith reference to their ancient clerk, as in exultation at the sharpness of Jonas.

For the same reason that young man's coarse allusions, even to himself, filled him with a stealthy glee;

causing him to rub his hands and chuckle covertly, as if he said in his sleeve, 'I taught him. I trained him. This

is the heir of my bringingup. Sly, cunning, and covetous, he'll not squander my money. I worked for this; I

What a noble end and aim it was to contemplate in the attainment truly! But there be some who manufacture

idols after the fashion of themselves, and fail to worship them when they are made; charging their deformity

Chuffey boggled over his plate so long, that Mr Jones, losing patience, took it from him at last with his own

hands, and requested his father to signify to that venerable person that he had better 'peg away at his bread;'

'Aye, aye!' cried the old man, brightening up as before, when this was communicated to him in the same

voice, 'quite right, quite right. He's your own son, Mr Chuzzlewit! Bless him for a sharp lad! Bless him, bless

Mr Jonas considered this so particularly childish (perhaps with some reason), that he only laughed the more,

and told his cousins that he was afraid one of these fine days, Chuffey would be the death of him. The cloth

was then removed, and the bottle of wine set upon the table, from which Mr Jonas filled the young ladies'

glasses, calling on them not to spare it, as they might be certain there was plenty more where that came from.

But he added with some haste after this sally that it was only his joke, and they wouldn't suppose him to be in

'I shall drink,' said Anthony, 'to Pecksniff. Your father, my dears. A clever man, Pecksniff. A wary man! A

hypocrite, though, eh? A hypocrite, girls, eh? Ha, ha, ha! Well, so he is. Now, among friends, he is. I don't

think the worse of him for that, unless it is that he overdoes it. You may overdo anything, my darlings. You

'You can't overdo taking care of yourself,' observed that hopeful gentleman with his mouth full.

'Do you hear that, my dears?' cried Anthony, quite enraptured. 'Wisdom, wisdom! A good exception, Jonas.

'Except,' whispered Mr Jonas to his favourite cousin, 'except when one lives too long. Ha, ha! Tell the other

'Good gracious me!' said Cherry, in a petulant manner. 'You can tell her yourself, if you wish, can't you?'

'Then why need you trouble yourself about her?' said Charity. 'I am sure she doesn't trouble herself much

Mr Jonas made no verbal rejoinder, but he glanced at Mercy with an odd expression in his face; and said

THAT wouldn't break his heart, she might depend upon it. Then he looked on Charity with even greater

favour than before, and besought her, as his polite manner was, to 'come a little closer.'

'There's another thing that's not easily overdone, father,' remarked Jonas, after a short silence.

'A bargain,' said the son. 'Here's the rule for bargains"Do other men, for they would do you." That's the

The delighted father applauded this sentiment to the echo; and was so much tickled by it, that he was at the

pains of imparting the same to his ancient clerk, who rubbed his hands, nodded his palsied head, winked his

watery eyes, and cried in his whistling tones, 'Good! good! Your own son, Mr Chuzzlewit' with every feeble

demonstration of delight that he was capable of making. But this old man's enthusiasm had the redeeming

quality of being felt in sympathy with the only creature to whom he was linked by ties of long association,

and by his present helplessness. And if there had been anybody there, who cared to think about it, some dregs

of a better nature unawakened, might perhaps have been descried through that very medium, melancholy

As matters stood, nobody thought or said anything upon the subject; so Chuffey fell back into a dark corner

on one side of the fireplace, where he always spent his evenings, and was neither seen nor heard again that

night; save once, when a cup of tea was given him, in which he was seen to soak his bread mechanically.

There was no reason to suppose that he went to sleep at these seasons, or that he heard, or saw, or felt, or

thought. He remained, as it were, frozen upif any term expressive of such a vigorous process can be

applied to himuntil he was again thawed for the moment by a word or touch from Anthony.

Miss Charity made tea by desire of Mr Jonas, and felt and looked so like the lady of the house that she was in

the prettiest confusion imaginable; the more so from Mr Jonas sitting close beside her, and whispering a

variety of admiring expressions in her ear. Miss Mercy, for her part, felt the entertainment of the evening to

be so distinctly and exclusively theirs, that she silently deplored the commercial gentlemenat that moment,

no doubt, wearying for her returnand yawned over yesterday's newspaper. As to Anthony, he went to sleep

outright, so Jonas and Cherry had a clear stage to themselves as long as they chose to keep possession of it.

When the teatray was taken away, as it was at last, Mr Jonas produced a dirty pack of cards, and entertained

the sisters with divers small feats of dexterity: whereof the main purpose of every one was, that you were to

decoy somebody into laying a wager with you that you couldn't do it; and were then immediately to win and

pocket his money. Mr Jonas informed them that these accomplishments were in high vogue in the most

intellectual circles, and that large amounts were constantly changing hands on such hazards. And it may be

remarked that he fully believed this; for there is a simplicity of cunning no less than a simplicity of

innocence; and in all matters where a lively faith in knavery and meanness was required as the groundwork

of belief, Mr Jonas was one of the most credulous of men. His ignorance, which was stupendous, may be

This fine young man had all the inclination to be a profligate of the first water, and only lacked the one good

trait in the common catalogue of debauched vicesopenhandednessto be a notable vagabond. But there

his griping and penurious habits stepped in; and as one poison will sometimes neutralise another, when

wholesome remedies would not avail, so he was restrained by a bad passion from quaffing his full measure of

By the time he had unfolded all the peddling schemes he knew upon the cards, it was growing late in the

evening; and Mr Pecksniff not making his appearance, the young ladies expressed a wish to return home. But

this, Mr Jonas, in his gallantry, would by no means allow, until they had partaken of some bread and cheese

and porter; and even then he was excessively unwilling to allow them to depart; often beseeching Miss

Charity to come a little closer, or to stop a little longer, and preferring many other complimentary petitions of

that nature in his own hospitable and earnest way. When all his efforts to detain them were fruitless, he put on

his hat and greatcoat preparatory to escorting them to Todgers's; remarking that he knew they would rather

'Good night,' said Anthony. 'Good night; remember me toha, ha, ha!to Pecksniff. Take care of your

cousin, my dears; beware of Jonas; he's a dangerous fellow. Don't quarrel for him, in any case!'

'Oh, the creature!' cried Mercy. 'The idea of quarrelling for HIM! You may take him, Cherry, my love, all to

Miss Charity was more entertained by this repartee than one would have supposed likely, considering its

advanced age and simple character. But in her sisterly affection she took Mr Jonas to task for leaning so very

hard upon a broken reed, and said that he must not be so cruel to poor Merry any more, or she (Charity)

would positively be obliged to hate him. Mercy, who really had her share of good humour, only retorted with

a laugh; and they walked home in consequence without any angry passages of words upon the way. Mr Jonas

being in the middle, and having a cousin on each arm, sometimes squeezed the wrong one; so tightly too, as

to cause her not a little inconvenience; but as he talked to Charity in whispers the whole time, and paid her

great attention, no doubt this was an accidental circumstance. When they arrived at Todgers's, and the door

was opened, Mercy broke hastily from them, and ran upstairs; but Charity and Jonas lingered on the steps

talking together for more than five minutes; so, as Mrs Todgers observed next morning, to a third party, 'It

was pretty clear what was going on THERE, and she was glad of it, for it really was high time that Miss

And now the day was coming on, when that bright vision which had burst on Todgers's so suddenly, and

made a sunshine in the shady breast of Jinkins, was to be seen no more; when it was to be packed, like a

brown paper parcel, or a fishbasket, or an oyster barrel or a fat gentleman, or any other dull reality of life, in

'Never, my dear Miss Pecksniffs,' said Mrs Todgers, when they retired to rest on the last night of their stay,

'never have I seen an establishment so perfectly brokenhearted as mine is at this present moment of time. I

don't believe the gentlemen will be the gentlemen they were, or anything like itno, not for weeks to come.

They modestly disclaimed any wilful agency in this disastrous state of things, and regretted it very much.

'Your pious pa, too,' said Mrs Todgers. 'There's a loss! My dear Miss Pecksniffs, your pa is a perfect

Entertaining an uncertainty as to the particular kind of love supposed to be comprised in Mr Pecksniff's

'If I dared,' said Mrs Todgers, perceiving this, 'to violate a confidence which has been reposed in me, and to

tell you why I must beg of you to leave the little door between your room and mine open tonight, I think you

would be interested. But I mustn't do it, for I promised Mr Jinkins faithfully, that I would be as silent as the

'Why, then, my sweet Miss Pecksniffs,' said the lady of the house; 'my own loves, if you will allow me the

privilege of taking that freedom on the eve of our separation, Mr Jinkins and the gentlemen have made up a

little musical party among themselves, and DO intend, in the dead of this night, to perform a serenade upon

the stairs outside the door. I could have wished, I own,' said Mrs Todgers, with her usual foresight, 'that it had

been fixed to take place an hour or two earlier; because when gentlemen sit up late they drink, and when they

drink they're not so musical, perhaps, as when they don't. But this is the arrangement; and I know you will be

The young ladies were at first so much excited by the news, that they vowed they couldn't think of going to

bed until the serenade was over. But half an hour of cool waiting so altered their opinion that they not only

went to bed, but fell asleep; and were, moreover, not ecstatically charmed to be awakened some time

afterwards by certain dulcet strains breaking in upon the silent watches of the night.

It was very affectingvery. Nothing more dismal could have been desired by the most fastidious taste. The

gentleman of a vocal turn was head mute, or chief mourner; Jinkins took the bass; and the rest took anything

they could get. The youngest gentleman blew his melancholy into a flute. He didn't blow much out of it, but

that was all the better. If the two Miss Pecksniffs and Mrs Todgers had perished by spontaneous combustion,

and the serenade had been in honour of their ashes, it would have been impossible to surpass the unutterable

despair expressed in that one chorus, 'Go where glory waits thee!' It was a requiem, a dirge, a moan, a howl, a

wail, a lament, an abstract of everything that is sorrowful and hideous in sound. The flute of the youngest

gentleman was wild and fitful. It came and went in gusts, like the wind. For a long time together he seemed to

have left off, and when it was quite settled by Mrs Todgers and the young ladies that, overcome by his

feelings, he had retired in tears, he unexpectedly turned up again at the very top of the tune, gasping for

breath. He was a tremendous performer. There was no knowing where to have him; and exactly when you

thought he was doing nothing at all, then was he doing the very thing that ought to astonish you most.

There were several of these concerted pieces; perhaps two or three too many, though that, as Mrs Todgers

said, was a fault on the right side. But even then, even at that solemn moment, when the thrilling sounds may

be presumed to have penetrated into the very depths of his nature, if he had any depths, Jinkins couldn't leave

the youngest gentleman alone. He asked him distinctly, before the second song beganas a personal favour

too, mark the villain in thatnot to play. Yes; he said so; not to play. The breathing of the youngest

gentleman was heard through the keyhole of the door. He DIDN'T play. What vent was a flute for the

passions swelling up within his breast? A trombone would have been a world too mild.

The serenade approached its close. Its crowning interest was at hand. The gentleman of a literary turn had

written a song on the departure of the ladies, and adapted it to an old tune. They all joined, except the

youngest gentleman in company, who, for the reasons aforesaid, maintained a fearful silence. The song

(which was of a classical nature) invoked the oracle of Apollo, and demanded to know what would become of

Todgers's when CHARITY and MERCY were banished from its walls. The oracle delivered no opinion

particularly worth remembering, according to the not infrequent practice of oracles from the earliest ages

down to the present time. In the absence of enlightenment on that subject, the strain deserted it, and went on

to show that the Miss Pecksniffs were nearly related to Rule Britannia, and that if Great Britain hadn't been

an island, there could have been no Miss Pecksniffs. And being now on a nautical tack, it closed with this

'All hail to the vessel of Pecksniff the sire! And favouring breezes to fan; While Tritons flock round it, and

As they presented this beautiful picture to the imagination, the gentlemen gradually withdrew to bed to give

the music the effect of distance; and so it died away, and Todgers's was left to its repose.

Mr Bailey reserved his vocal offering until the morning, when he put his head into the room as the young

ladies were kneeling before their trunks, packing up, and treated them to an imitation of the voice of a young

dog in trying circumstances; when that animal is supposed by persons of a lively fancy, to relieve his feelings

'Well, young ladies,' said the youth, 'so you're agoing home, are you, worse luck?'

'An't you agoing to leave none of 'em a lock of your hair?' inquired the youth. 'It's real, an't it?'

'Oh, is it of course, though?' said Bailey. 'I know better than that. Hers an't. Why, I see it hanging up once, on

that nail by the winder. Besides, I have gone behind her at dinnertime and pulled it; and she never know'd. I

say, young ladies, I'm agoing to leave. I an't agoing to stand being called names by her, no longer.'

Miss Mercy inquired what his plans for the future might be; in reply to whom Mr Bailey intimated that he

'Ah!' said Bailey, 'why not? There's a many drummers in the Tower. I'm acquainted with 'em. Don't their

'Well!' cried Mr Bailey, 'wot if I am? There's something gamey in it, young ladies, an't there? I'd sooner be hit

with a cannonball than a rollingpin, and she's always acatching up something of that sort, and throwing it

at me, when the gentlemans' appetites is good. Wot,' said Mr Bailey, stung by the recollection of his wrongs,

'Don't they though?' retorted the youth. 'No. Yes. Ah! oh! No one mayn't say it is! but some one knows it is.

But I an't agoing to have every rise in prices wisited on me. I an't agoing to be killed because the markets

is dear. I won't stop. And therefore,' added Mr Bailey, relenting into a smile, 'wotever you mean to give me,

you'd better give me all at once, becos if ever you come back agin, I shan't be here; and as to the other boy,

The young ladies, on behalf of Mr Pecksniff and themselves, acted on this thoughtful advice; and in

consideration of their private friendship, presented Mr Bailey with a gratuity so liberal that he could hardly

do enough to show his gratitude; which found but an imperfect vent, during the remainder of the day, in

divers secret slaps upon his pocket, and other such facetious pantomime. Nor was it confined to these

ebullitions; for besides crushing a bandbox, with a bonnet in it, he seriously damaged Mr Pecksniff's luggage,

by ardently hauling it down from the top of the house; and in short evinced, by every means in his power, a

Mr Pecksniff and Mr Jinkins came home to dinner arminarm; for the latter gentleman had made

halfholiday on purpose; thus gaining an immense advantage over the youngest gentleman and the rest,

whose time, as it perversely chanced, was all bespoke, until the evening. The bottle of wine was Mr

Pecksniff's treat, and they were very sociable indeed; though full of lamentations on the necessity of parting.

While they were in the midst of their enjoyment, old Anthony and his son were announced; much to the

'Come to say goodbye, you see,' said Anthony, in a low voice, to Mr Pecksniff, as they took their seats apart

at the table, while the rest conversed among themselves. 'Where's the use of a division between you and me?

We are the two halves of a pair of scissors, when apart, Pecksniff; but together we are something. Eh?'

'I don't know about that,' said the old man, 'for there are some people I would rather differ from than agree

Mr Pecksniff, still having 'hypocrite' in his mind, only replied by a motion of his head, which was something

'Complimentary,' said Anthony. 'Complimentary, upon my word. It was an involuntary tribute to your

abilities, even at the time; and it was not a time to suggest compliments either. But we agreed in the coach,

'Oh, quite!' assented Mr Pecksniff, in a manner which implied that he himself was misunderstood most

Anthony glanced at his son as he sat beside Miss Charity, and then at Mr Pecksniff, and then at his son again,

very many times. It happened that Mr Pecksniff's glances took a similar direction; but when he became aware

of it, he first cast down his eyes, and then closed them; as if he were determined that the old man should read

'He appears,' rejoined Mr Pecksniff in his most candid manner, 'to be very shrewd.'

'Tut, my good sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, with his eyes still closed; 'young peopleyoung peoplea kind of

'Why, there is very little sweetness in that, according to our experience,' returned Anthony. 'Isn't there a trifle

'Impossible to say,' rejoined Mr Pecksniff. 'Quite impossible! You surprise me.'

'Yes, I know that,' said the old man, drily. 'It may last; I mean the sweetness, not the surprise; and it may die

off. Supposing it should last, perhaps (you having feathered your nest pretty well, and I having done the

'I know what you are going to say. It's quite unnecessary. You have never thought of this for a moment; and

in a point so nearly affecting the happiness of your dear child, you couldn't, as a tender father, express an

opinion; and so forth. Yes, quite right. And like you! But it seems to me, my dear Pecksniff,' added Anthony,

laying his hand upon his sleeve, 'that if you and I kept up the joke of pretending not to see this, one of us

might possibly be placed in a position of disadvantage; and as I am very unwilling to be that party myself,

you will excuse my taking the liberty of putting the matter beyond a doubt thus early; and having it distinctly

understood, as it is now, that we do see it, and do know it. Thank you for your attention. We are now upon an

He rose as he spoke; and giving Mr Pecksniff a nod of intelligence, moved away from him to where the

young people were sitting; leaving that good man somewhat puzzled and discomfited by such very plain

dealing, and not quite free from a sense of having been foiled in the exercise of his familiar weapons.

But the nightcoach had a punctual character, and it was time to join it at the office; which was so near at

hand that they had already sent their luggage and arranged to walk. Thither the whole party repaired,

therefore, after no more delay than sufficed for the equipment of the Miss Pecksniffs and Mrs Todgers. They

found the coach already at its startingplace, and the horses in; there, too, were a large majority of the

commercial gentlemen, including the youngest, who was visibly agitated, and in a state of deep mental

Nothing could equal the distress of Mrs Todgers in parting from the young ladies, except the strong emotions

with which she bade adieu to Mr Pecksniff. Never surely was a pockethandkerchief taken in and out of a flat

reticule so often as Mrs Todgers's was, as she stood upon the pavement by the coachdoor supported on

either side by a commercial gentleman; and by the sight of the coachlamps caught such brief snatches and

glimpses of the good man's face, as the constant interposition of Mr Jinkins allowed. For Jinkins, to the last

the youngest gentleman's rock ahead in life, stood upon the coachstep talking to the ladies. Upon the other

step was Mr Jonas, who maintained that position in right of his cousinship; whereas the youngest gentleman,

who had been first upon the ground, was deep in the bookingoffice among the black and red placards, and

the portraits of fast coaches, where he was ignominiously harassed by porters, and had to contend and strive

perpetually with heavy baggage. This false position, combined with his nervous excitement, brought about

the very consummation and catastrophe of his miseries; for when in the moment of parting he aimed a flower,

a hothouse flower that had cost money, at the fair hand of Mercy, it reached, instead, the coachman on the

They were off now; and Todgers's was alone again. The two young ladies, leaning back in their separate

corners, resigned themselves to their own regretful thoughts. But Mr Pecksniff, dismissing all ephemeral

considerations of social pleasure and enjoyment, concentrated his meditations on the one great virtuous

purpose before him, of casting out that ingrate and deceiver, whose presence yet troubled his domestic hearth,

Mr Pinch and Martin, little dreaming of the stormy weather that impended, made themselves very

comfortable in the Pecksniffian halls, and improved their friendship daily. Martin's facility, both of invention

and execution, being remarkable, the grammarschool proceeded with great vigour; and Tom repeatedly

declared, that if there were anything like certainty in human affairs, or impartiality in human judges, a design

so new and full of merit could not fail to carry off the first prize when the time of competition arrived.

Without being quite so sanguine himself, Martin had his hopeful anticipations too; and they served to make

'If I should turn out a great architect, Tom,' said the new pupil one day, as he stood at a little distance from his

drawing, and eyed it with much complacency, 'I'll tell you what should be one of the things I'd build.'

'No!' said Tom Pinch, quite as much delighted as if the thing were done. 'Would you though? How kind of

'I'd build it up, Tom,' returned Martin, 'on such a strong foundation, that it should last your lifeaye, and

your children's lives too, and their children's after them. I'd be your patron, Tom. I'd take you under my

protection. Let me see the man who should give the cold shoulder to anybody I chose to protect and

'Now, I don't think,' said Mr Pinch, 'upon my word, that I was ever more gratified than by this. I really don't.'

'Oh! I mean what I say,' retorted Martin, with a manner as free and easy in its condescension to, not to say in

its compassion for, the other, as if he were already First Architect in ordinary to all the Crowned Heads in

'I am afraid,' said Tom, shaking his head, 'that I should be a mighty awkward person to provide for.'

'Pooh, pooh!' rejoined Martin. 'Never mind that. If I took it in my head to say, "Pinch is a clever fellow; I

approve of Pinch;" I should like to know the man who would venture to put himself in opposition to me.

'If I were not useful in one or two, it shouldn't be for want of trying,' said Tom.

'For instance,' pursued Martin, after a short reflection, 'you'd be a capital fellow, now, to see that my ideas

were properly carried out; and to overlook the works in their progress before they were sufficiently advanced

to be very interesting to ME; and to take all that sort of plain sailing. Then you'd be a splendid fellow to show

people over my studio, and to talk about Art to 'em, when I couldn't be bored myself, and all that kind of

thing. For it would be devilish creditable, Tom (I'm quite in earnest, I give you my word), to have a man of

your information about one, instead of some ordinary blockhead. Oh, I'd take care of you. You'd be useful,

To say that Tom had no idea of playing first fiddle in any social orchestra, but was always quite satisfied to

be set down for the hundred and fiftieth violin in the band, or thereabouts, is to express his modesty in very

What was that which checked Tom Pinch so suddenly, in the high flow of his gladness; bringing the blood

into his honest cheeks, and a remorseful feeling to his honest heart, as if he were unworthy of his friend's

'I should be married to her then,' said Martin, looking with a smile towards the light; 'and we should have, I

But not a word said Mr Pinch. The words he would have uttered died upon his lips, and found a life more

'All the children hereabouts are fond of you, Tom, and mine would be, of course,' pursued Martin. 'Perhaps I

might name one of 'em after you. Tom, eh? Well, I don't know. Tom's not a bad name. Thomas Pinch

'I can tell exactly what she would think of you,' said Martin leaning his chin upon his hand, and looking

through the windowglass as if he read there what he said; 'I know her so well. She would smile, Tom, often

at first when you spoke to her, or when she looked at youmerrily toobut you wouldn't mind that. A

'She would be as tender with you, Tom,' said Martin, 'as if you were a child yourself. So you are almost, in

'She would always be kind and goodhumoured, and glad to see you,' said Martin; 'and when she found out

exactly what sort of fellow you were (which she'd do very soon), she would pretend to give you little

commissions to execute, and to ask little services of you, which she knew you were burning to render; so that

when she really pleased you most, she would try to make you think you most pleased her. She would take to

you uncommonly, Tom; and would understand you far more delicately than I ever shall; and would often say,

'In honour of old time,' said Martin, 'and of her having heard you play the organ in this damp little church

down herefor nothing toowe will have one in the house. I shall build an architectural musicroom on a

plan of my own, and it'll look rather knowing in a recess at one end. There you shall play away, Tom, till you

tire yourself; and, as you like to do so in the dark, it shall BE dark; and many's the summer evening she and I

It may have required a stronger effort on Tom Pinch's part to leave the seat on which he sat, and shake his

friend by both hands, with nothing but serenity and grateful feeling painted on his face; it may have required

a stronger effort to perform this simple act with a pure heart, than to achieve many and many a deed to which

the doubtful trumpet blown by Fame has lustily resounded. Doubtful, because from its long hovering over

scenes of violence, the smoke and steam of death have clogged the keys of that brave instrument; and it is not

'It's a proof of the kindness of human nature,' said Tom, characteristically putting himself quite out of sight in

the matter, 'that everybody who comes here, as you have done, is more considerate and affectionate to me

than I should have any right to hope, if I were the most sanguine creature in the world; or should have any

power to express, if I were the most eloquent. It really overpowers me. But trust me,' said Tom, 'that I am not

ungrateful that I never forgetand that if I can ever prove the truth of my words to you, I will.'

'That's all right,' observed Martin, leaning back in his chair with a hand in each pocket, and yawning drearily.

'Very fine talking, Tom; but I'm at Pecksniff's, I remember, and perhaps a mile or so out of the highroad to

fortune just at this minute. So you've heard again this morning from what's his name, eh?'

'Who may that be?' asked Tom, seeming to enter a mild protest on behalf of the dignity of an absent person.

'Ah! to be sure,' said Martin, 'Westlock. I knew it was something connected with a point of the compass and a

'Oh! he has come into his property,' answered Tom, nodding his head, and smiling.

'He's a lucky dog,' said Martin. 'I wish it were mine instead. Is that all the mystery you were to tell me?'

'For the matter of that,' said Tom, 'it's no mystery, and you won't think much of it; but it's very pleasant to me.

John always used to say when he was here, "Mark my words, Pinch. When my father's executors cash

'Cashup's a very good expression,' observed Martin, 'when other people don't apply it to you. Well!What

'Yes, I am I know,' said Tom; 'but you'll make me nervous if you tell me so. I'm afraid you have put me out a

'Oh yes, to be sure,' cried Tom; 'yes. "Then," says John, "I'll give you a dinner, Pinch, and come down to

Salisbury on purpose." Now, when John wrote the other daythe morning Pecksniff left, you knowhe

said his business was on the point of being immediately settled, and as he was to receive his money directly,

when could I meet him at Salisbury? I wrote and said, any day this week; and I told him besides, that there

was a new pupil here, and what a fine fellow you were, and what friends we had become. Upon which John

writes back this letter'Tom produced it'fixes tomorrow; sends his compliments to you; and begs that

we three may have the pleasure of dining together; not at the house where you and I were, either; but at the

'Very well,' said Martin, glancing over it with his customary coolness; 'much obliged to him. I'm agreeable.'

Tom could have wished him to be a little more astonished, a little more pleased, or in some form or other a

little more interested in such a great event. But he was perfectly selfpossessed; and falling into his favourite

solace of whistling, took another turn at the grammarschool, as if nothing at all had happened.

Mr Pecksniff's horse being regarded in the light of a sacred animal, only to be driven by him, the chief priest

of that temple, or by some person distinctly nominated for the time being to that high office by himself, the

two young men agreed to walk to Salisbury; and so, when the time came, they set off on foot; which was,

after all, a better mode of travelling than in the gig, as the weather was very cold and very dry.

Better! A rare strong, hearty, healthy walkfour statute miles an hourpreferable to that rumbling,

tumbling, jolting, shaking, scraping, creaking, villanous old gig? Why, the two things will not admit of

comparison. It is an insult to the walk, to set them side by side. Where is an instance of a gig having ever

circulated a man's blood, unless when, putting him in danger of his neck, it awakened in his veins and in his

ears, and all along his spine, a tingling heat, much more peculiar than agreeable? When did a gig ever sharpen

anybody's wits and energies, unless it was when the horse bolted, and, crashing madly down a steep hill with

a stone wall at the bottom, his desperate circumstances suggested to the only gentleman left inside, some

The air was cold, Tom; so it was, there was no denying it; but would it have been more genial in the gig? The

blacksmith's fire burned very bright, and leaped up high, as though it wanted men to warm; but would it have

been less tempting, looked at from the clammy cushions of a gig? The wind blew keenly, nipping the features

of the hardy wight who fought his way along; blinding him with his own hair if he had enough to it, and

wintry dust if he hadn't; stopping his breath as though he had been soused in a cold bath; tearing aside his

wrappingsup, and whistling in the very marrow of his bones; but it would have done all this a hundred times

Better than the gig! When were travellers by wheels and hoofs seen with such redhot cheeks as those? when

were they so good humouredly and merrily bloused? when did their laughter ring upon the air, as they

turned them round, what time the stronger gusts came sweeping up; and, facing round again as they passed

by, dashed on, in such a glow of ruddy health as nothing could keep pace with, but the high spirits it

engendered? Better than the gig! Why, here is a man in a gig coming the same way now. Look at him as he

passes his whip into his left hand, chafes his numbed right fingers on his granite leg, and beats those marble

toes of his upon the footboard. Ha, ha, ha! Who would exchange this rapid hurry of the blood for yonder

Better than the gig! No man in a gig could have such interest in the milestones. No man in a gig could see, or

feel, or think, like merry users of their legs. How, as the wind sweeps on, upon these breezy downs, it tracks

its flight in darkening ripples on the grass, and smoothest shadows on the hills! Look round and round upon

this bare bleak plain, and see even here, upon a winter's day, how beautiful the shadows are! Alas! it is the

nature of their kind to be so. The loveliest things in life, Tom, are but shadows; and they come and go, and

Another mile, and then begins a fall of snow, making the crow, who skims away so close above the ground to

shirk the wind, a blot of ink upon the landscape. But though it drives and drifts against them as they walk,

stiffening on their skirts, and freezing in the lashes of their eyes, they wouldn't have it fall more sparingly, no,

not so much as by a single flake, although they had to go a score of miles. And, lo! the towers of the Old

Cathedral rise before them, even now! and byandbye they come into the sheltered streets, made strangely

silent by their white carpet; and so to the Inn for which they are bound; where they present such flushed and

burning faces to the cold waiter, and are so brimful of vigour, that he almost feels assaulted by their presence;

and, having nothing to oppose to the attack (being fresh, or rather stale, from the blazing fire in the

A famous Inn! the hall a very grove of dead game, and dangling joints of mutton; and in one corner an

illustrious larder, with glass doors, developing cold fowls and noble joints, and tarts wherein the raspberry

jam coyly withdrew itself, as such a precious creature should, behind a lattice work of pastry. And behold, on

the first floor, at the courtend of the house, in a room with all the windowcurtains drawn, a fire piled

halfway up the chimney, plates warming before it, wax candles gleaming everywhere, and a table spread for

three, with silver and glass enough for thirty John Westlock; not the old John of Pecksniff's, but a proper

gentleman; looking another and a grander person, with the consciousness of being his own master and having

money in the bank; and yet in some respects the old John too, for he seized Tom Pinch by both his hands the

'And this,' said John, 'is Mr Chuzzlewit. I am very glad to see him!'John had an offhand manner of his

'Stand off a moment, Tom,' cried the old pupil, laying one hand on each of Mr Pinch's shoulders, and holding

him out at arm's length. 'Let me look at you! Just the same! Not a bit changed!'

'It seems an age to me,' cried John. 'and so it ought to seem to you, you dog.' And then he pushed Tom down

into the easiest chair, and clapped him on the back so heartily, and so like his old self in their old bedroom at

old Pecksniff's that it was a tossup with Tom Pinch whether he should laugh or cry. Laughter won it; and

'I have ordered everything for dinner, that we used to say we'd have, Tom,' observed John Westlock.

'Everything. Don't laugh, if you can help it, before the waiters. I couldn't when I was ordering it. It's like a

John was wrong there, because nobody ever dreamed such soup as was put upon the table directly afterwards;

or such fish; or such sidedishes; or such a top and bottom; or such a course of birds and sweets; or in short

anything approaching the reality of that entertainment at tenandsixpence a head, exclusive of wines. As to

THEM, the man who can dream such iced champagne, such claret, port, or sherry, had better go to bed and

But perhaps the finest feature of the banquet was, that nobody was half so much amazed by everything as

John himself, who in his high delight was constantly bursting into fits of laughter, and then endeavouring to

appear preternaturally solemn, lest the waiters should conceive he wasn't used to it. Some of the things they

brought him to carve, were such outrageous practical jokes, though, that it was impossible to stand it; and

when Tom Pinch insisted, in spite of the deferential advice of an attendant, not only on breaking down the

outer wall of a raised pie with a tablespoon, but on trying to eat it afterwards, John lost all dignity, and sat

behind the gorgeous dishcover at the head of the table, roaring to that extent that he was audible in the

kitchen. Nor had he the least objection to laugh at himself, as he demonstrated when they had all three

gathered round the fire and the dessert was on the table; at which period the head waiter inquired with

respectful solicitude whether that port, being a light and tawny wine, was suited to his taste, or whether he

would wish to try a fruity port with greater body. To this John gravely answered that he was well satisfied

with what he had, which he esteemed, as one might say, a pretty tidy vintage; for which the waiter thanked

him and withdrew. And then John told his friends, with a broad grin, that he supposed it was all right, but he

They were very merry and full of enjoyment the whole time, but not the least pleasant part of the festival was

when they all three sat about the fire, cracking nuts, drinking wine and talking cheerfully. It happened that

Tom Pinch had a word to say to his friend the organist's assistant, and so deserted his warm corner for a few

minutes at this season, lest it should grow too late; leaving the other two young men together.

They drank his health in his absence, of course; and John Westlock took that opportunity of saying, that he

had never had even a peevish word with Tom during the whole term of their residence in Mr Pecksniff's

house. This naturally led him to dwell upon Tom's character, and to hint that Mr Pecksniff understood it

pretty well. He only hinted this, and very distantly; knowing that it pained Tom Pinch to have that gentleman

disparaged, and thinking it would be as well to leave the new pupil to his own discoveries.

'Yes,' said Martin. 'It's impossible to like Pinch better than I do, or to do greater justice to his good qualities.

'He's rather too willing,' observed John, who was quick in observation. 'It's quite a fault in him.'

'So it is,' said Martin. 'Very true. There was a fellow only a week or so agoa Mr Tiggwho borrowed all

the money he had, on a promise to repay it in a few days. It was but half a sovereign, to be sure; but it's well

'Poor fellow!' said John, who had been very attentive to these few words. 'Perhaps you have not had an

'That's very odd,' said Martin, setting down his empty glass. 'He's a strange compound, to be sure.'

'As to receiving money as a gift,' resumed John Westlock; 'I think he'd die first.'

'You, however,' pursued John, filling his own glass, and looking at his companion with some curiosity, 'who

are older than the majority of Mr Pecksniff's assistants, and have evidently had much more experience,

'Certainly,' said Martin, stretching out his legs, and holding his wine between his eye and the light. 'Mr

'By the bye,' said Martin, 'that reminds me. What's your opinion of Pecksniff? How did he use you? What do

'Ask Pinch,' returned the old pupil. 'He knows what my sentiments used to be upon the subject. They are not

'Oh! well! Then I know what course they take beforehand,' said Martin; 'and, therefore, you can have no

delicacy in speaking plainly. Don't mind me, I beg. I don't like him I tell you frankly. I am with him because

it happens from particular circumstances to suit my convenience. I have some ability, I believe, in that way;

and the obligation, if any, will most likely be on his side and not mine. At the lowest mark, the balance will

be even, and there'll be no obligation at all. So you may talk to me, as if I had no connection with him.'

'I should say,' resumed the other, 'that he is the most consummate scoundrel on the face of the earth.'

'Not stronger than he deserves,' said John; 'and if he called upon me to express my opinion of him to his face,

I would do so in the very same terms, without the least qualification. His treatment of Pinch is in itself

enough to justify them; but when I look back upon the five years I passed in that house, and remember the

hyprocrisy, the knavery, the meannesses, the false pretences, the lip service of that fellow, and his trading in

saintly semblances for the very worst realities; when I remember how often I was the witness of all this and

how often I was made a kind of party to it, by the fact of being there, with him for my teacher; I swear to you

'I don't mean to say that is a right feeling,' pursued John Westlock 'because it was no fault of mine; and I can

quite understandyou for instance, fully appreciating him, and yet being forced by circumstances to remain

there. I tell you simply what my feeling is; and even now, when, as you say, it's all over; and when I have the

satisfaction of knowing that he always hated me, and we always quarrelled, and I always told him my mind;

even now, I feel sorry that I didn't yield to an impulse I often had, as a boy, of running away from him and

'In search,' replied John Westlock, shrugging his shoulders, 'of the livelihood I couldn't have earned at home.

There would have been something spirited in that. But, come! Fill your glass, and let us forget him.'

'As soon as you please,' said Martin. 'In reference to myself and my connection with him, I have only to

repeat what I said before. I have taken my own way with him so far, and shall continue to do so, even more

than ever; for the fact is, to tell you the truth, that I believe he looks to me to supply his defects, and couldn't

'Thank you,' returned young Westlock. 'Yours. And may the new pupil turn out as well as you can desire!'

'The fortunate youth, born under an auspicious star,' returned John Westlock, laughing; 'whose parents, or

guardians, are destined to be hooked by the advertisement. What! Don't you know that he has advertised

'Oh, yes. I read it just before dinner in the old newspaper. I know it to be his; having some reason to

remember the style. Hush! Here's Pinch. Strange, is it not, that the more he likes Pecksniff (if he can like him

better than he does), the greater reason one has to like HIM? Not a word more, or we shall spoil his whole

Tom entered as the words were spoken, with a radiant smile upon his face; and rubbing his hands, more from

a sense of delight than because he was cold (for he had been running fast), sat down in his warm corner again,

and was as happy as only Tom Pinch could be. There is no other simile that will express his state of mind.

'And so,' he said, when he had gazed at his friend for some time in silent pleasure, 'so you really are a

'Trying to be, Tom; trying to be,' he rejoined goodhumouredly. 'There is no saying what I may turn out, in

'I suppose you wouldn't carry your own box to the mail now?' said Tom Pinch, smiling; 'although you lost it

'Wouldn't I?' retorted John. 'That's all you know about it, Pinch. It must be a very heavy box that I wouldn't

'There!' cried Pinch, turning to Martin, 'I told you so. The great fault in his character is his injustice to

Pecksniff. You mustn't mind a word he says on that subject. His prejudice is most extraordinary.'

'The absence of anything like prejudice on Tom's part, you know,' said John Westlock, laughing heartily, as

he laid his hand on Mr Pinch's shoulder, 'is perfectly wonderful. If one man ever had a profound knowledge

of another, and saw him in a true light, and in his own proper colours, Tom has that knowledge of Mr

'Why, of course I have,' cried Tom. 'That's exactly what I have so often said to you. If you knew him as well

as I doJohn, I'd give almost any money to bring that aboutyou'd admire, respect, and reverence him.

'If I had known whereabout his feelings lay,' retorted young Westlock, 'I'd have done my best, Tom, with that

end in view, you may depend upon it. But as I couldn't wound him in what he has not, and in what he knows

nothing of, except in his ability to probe them to the quick in other people, I am afraid I can lay no claim to

Mr Pinch, being unwilling to protract a discussion which might possibly corrupt Martin, forbore to say

anything in reply to this speech; but John Westlock, whom nothing short of an iron gag would have silenced

'HIS feelings! Oh, he's a tenderhearted man. HIS feelings! Oh, he's a considerate, conscientious,

Mr Pinch was by this time erect upon the hearthrug, buttoning his coat with great energy.

'I can't bear it,' said Tom, shaking his head. 'No. I really cannot. You must excuse me, John. I have a great

esteem and friendship for you; I love you very much; and have been perfectly charmed and overjoyed today,

'Why, it's my old way, Tom; and you say yourself that you are glad to find me unchanged.'

'Not in this respect,' said Tom Pinch. 'You must excuse me, John. I cannot, really; I will not. It's very wrong;

you should be more guarded in your expressions. It was bad enough when you and I used to be alone

together, but under existing circumstances, I can't endure it, really. No. I cannot, indeed.'

'You are quite right!' exclaimed the other, exchanging looks with Martin. 'and I am quite wrong, Tom. I don't

know how the deuce we fell on this unlucky theme. I beg your pardon with all my heart.'

'You have a free and manly temper, I know,' said Pinch; 'and therefore, your being so ungenerous in this one

solitary instance, only grieves me the more. It's not my pardon you have to ask, John. You have done ME

'Well! Pecksniff's pardon then,' said young Westlock. 'Anything Tom, or anybody. Pecksniff's pardonwill

'Thank you,' cried Tom, shaking hands with him eagerly, and filling a bumper. 'Thank you; I'll drink it with

John Westlock echoed the sentiment, or nearly so; for he drank Mr Pecksniff's health, and Something to

himbut what, was not quite audible. The general unanimity being then completely restored, they drew their

chairs closer round the fire, and conversed in perfect harmony and enjoyment until bedtime.

No slight circumstance, perhaps, could have better illustrated the difference of character between John

Westlock and Martin Chuzzlewit, than the manner in which each of the young men contemplated Tom Pinch,

after the little rupture just described. There was a certain amount of jocularity in the looks of both, no doubt,

but there all resemblance ceased. The old pupil could not do enough to show Tom how cordially he felt

towards him, and his friendly regard seemed of a graver and more thoughtful kind than before. The new one,

on the other hand, had no impulse but to laugh at the recollection of Tom's extreme absurdity; and mingled

with his amusement there was something slighting and contemptuous, indicative, as it appeared, of his

opinion that Mr Pinch was much too far gone in simplicity to be admitted as the friend, on serious and equal

John Westlock, who did nothing by halves, if he could help it, had provided beds for his two guests in the

hotel; and after a very happy evening, they retired. Mr Pinch was sitting on the side of his bed with his cravat

and shoes off, ruminating on the manifold good qualities of his old friend, when he was interrupted by a

'Bless you, no! not I. I was thinking of you,' replied Tom, opening the door. 'Come in.'

'I am not going to detail you,' said John; 'but I have forgotten all the evening a little commission I took upon

myself; and I am afraid I may forget it again, if I fail to discharge it at once. You know a Mr Tigg, Tom, I

'Exactly,' said John Westlock. 'He begged me to present his compliments, and to return it with many thanks.

Here it is. I suppose it's a good one, but he is rather a doubtful kind of customer, Tom.'

Mr Pinch received the little piece of gold with a face whose brightness might have shamed the metal; and said

he had no fear about that. He was glad, he added, to find Mr Tigg so prompt and honourable in his dealings;

'Why, to tell you the truth, Tom,' replied his friend, 'he is not always so. If you'll take my advice, you'll avoid

him as much as you can, in the event of your encountering him again. And by no means, Tompray bear

'He is very far from being a reputable acquaintance,' returned young Westlock; 'and the more you let him

'I say, John,' quoth Mr Pinch, as his countenance fell, and he shook his head in a dejected manner. 'I hope you

'Oh, but I AM uneasy,' said Tom Pinch; 'I can't help it, when I hear you talking in that way. If Mr Tigg is

what you describe him to be, you have no business to know him, John. You may laugh, but I don't consider it

'No, no,' returned his friend, composing his features. 'Quite right. It is not, certainly.'

'You know, John,' said Mr Pinch, 'your very good nature and kindness of heart make you thoughtless, and

you can't be too careful on such a point as this. Upon my word, if I thought you were falling among bad

companions, I should be quite wretched, for I know how difficult you would find it to shake them off. I

would much rather have lost this money, John, than I would have had it back again on such terms.'

'I tell you, my dear good old fellow,' cried his friend, shaking him to and fro with both hands, and smiling at

him with a cheerful, open countenance, that would have carried conviction to a mind much more suspicious

'Well!' cried Tom, 'I am glad to hear it; I am overjoyed to hear it. I am sure there is not, when you say so in

'Ill!' said the other, giving his hand a hearty squeeze; 'why what do you think I am made of? Mr Tigg and I

are not on such an intimate footing that you need be at all uneasy, I give you my solemn assurance of that,

'Good night!' cried Tom; 'and such pleasant dreams to you as should attend the sleep of the best fellow in the

'Except Pecksniff,' said his friend, stopping at the door for a moment, and looking gayly back.

And thus they parted for the night; John Westlock full of light heartedness and good humour, and poor Tom

Pinch quite satisfied; though still, as he turned over on his side in bed, he muttered to himself, 'I really do

They breakfasted together very early next morning, for the two young men desired to get back again in good

season; and John Westlock was to return to London by the coach that day. As he had some hours to spare, he

bore them company for three or four miles on their walk, and only parted from them at last in sheer necessity.

The parting was an unusually hearty one, not only as between him and Tom Pinch, but on the side of Martin

also, who had found in the old pupil a very different sort of person from the milksop he had prepared himself

Young Westlock stopped upon a rising ground, when he had gone a little distance, and looked back. They

were walking at a brisk pace, and Tom appeared to be talking earnestly. Martin had taken off his greatcoat,

the wind being now behind them, and carried it upon his arm. As he looked, he saw Tom relieve him of it,

after a faint resistance, and, throwing it upon his own, encumber himself with the weight of both. This trivial

incident impressed the old pupil mightily, for he stood there, gazing after them, until they were hidden from

his view; when he shook his head, as if he were troubled by some uneasy reflection, and thoughtfully retraced

In the meantime, Martin and Tom pursued their way, until they halted, safe and sound, at Mr Pecksniff's

house, where a brief epistle from that good gentleman to Mr Pinch announced the family's return by that

night's coach. As it would pass the corner of the lane at about six o'clock in the morning, Mr Pecksniff

requested that the gig might be in waiting at the fingerpost about that time, together with a cart for the

luggage. And to the end that he might be received with the greater honour, the young men agreed to rise

It was the least cheerful day they had yet passed together. Martin was out of spirits and out of humour, and

took every opportunity of comparing his condition and prospects with those of young Westlock; much to his

own disadvantage always. This mood of his depressed Tom; and neither that morning's parting, nor

yesterday's dinner, helped to mend the matter. So the hours dragged on heavily enough; and they were glad to

They were not quite so glad to get up again at halfpast four o'clock, in all the shivering discomfort of a dark

winter's morning; but they turned out punctually, and were at the fingerpost full halfanhour before the

appointed time. It was not by any means a lively morning, for the sky was black and cloudy, and it rained

hard; but Martin said there was some satisfaction in seeing that brute of a horse (by this, he meant Mr

Pecksniff's Arab steed) getting very wet; and that he rejoiced, on his account, that it rained so fast. From this

it may be inferred that Martin's spirits had not improved, as indeed they had not; for while he and Mr Pinch

stood waiting under a hedge, looking at the rain, the gig, the cart, and its reeking driver, he did nothing but

grumble; and, but that it is indispensable to any dispute that there should be two parties to it, he would

At length the noise of wheels was faintly audible in the distance and presently the coach came splashing

through the mud and mire with one miserable outside passenger crouching down among wet straw, under a

saturated umbrella; and the coachman, guard, and horses, in a fellowship of dripping wretchedness.

Immediately on its stopping, Mr Pecksniff let down the windowglass and hailed Tom Pinch.

'Dear me, Mr Pinch! Is it possible that you are out upon this very inclement morning?'

'Oh!' said Mr Pecksniff, looking not so much at Martin as at the spot on which he stood. 'Oh! Indeed. Do me

Then Mr Pecksniff descended, and helped his daughters to alight; but neighter he nor the young ladies took

the slightest notice of Martin, who had advanced to offer his assistance, but was repulsed by Mr Pecksniff's

standing immediately before his person, with his back towards him. In the same manner, and in profound

silence, Mr Pecksniff handed his daughters into the gig; and following himself and taking the reins, drove off

Lost in astonishment, Martin stood staring at the coach, and when the coach had driven away, at Mr Pinch,

'It is no matter,' said Martin. 'Come! Let us make haste back!' And without another word started off at such a

He had no care where he went, but walked through little heaps of mud and little pools of water with the

utmost indifference; looking straight before him, and sometimes laughing in a strange manner within himself.

Tom felt that anything he could say would only render him the more obstinate, and therefore trusted to Mr

Pecksniff's manner when they reached the house, to remove the mistaken impression under which he felt

convinced so great a favourite as the new pupil must unquestionably be labouring. But he was not a little

amazed himself, when they did reach it, and entered the parlour where Mr Pecksniff was sitting alone before

the fire, drinking some hot tea, to find that instead of taking favourable notice of his relative and keeping him,

Mr Pinch, in the background, he did exactly the reverse, and was so lavish in his attentions to Tom, that Tom

'Take some tea, Mr Pinchtake some tea,' said Pecksniff, stirring the fire. 'You must be very cold and damp.

Tom saw that Martin looked at Mr Pecksniff as though he could have easily found it in his heart to give HIM

an invitation to a very warm place; but he was quite silent, and standing opposite that gentleman at the table,

'Take a chair, Pinch,' said Pecksniff. 'Take a chair, if you please. How have things gone on in our absence, Mr

'Youyou will be very much pleased with the grammarschool, sir,' said Tom. 'It's nearly finished.'

'If you will have the goodness, Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff, waving his hand and smiling, 'we will not discuss

anything connected with that question at present. What have YOU been doing, Thomas, humph?'

Mr Pinch looked from master to pupil, and from pupil to master, and was so perplexed and dismayed that he

wanted presence of mind to answer the question. In this awkward interval, Mr Pecksniff (who was perfectly

conscious of Martin's gaze, though he had never once glanced towards him) poked the fire very much, and

'Now, Mr Pecksniff,' said Martin at last, in a very quiet voice, 'if you have sufficiently refreshed and

recovered yourself, I shall be glad to hear what you mean by this treatment of me.'

'And what,' said Mr Pecksniff, turning his eyes on Tom Pinch, even more placidly and gently than before,

When he had repeated this inquiry, he looked round the walls of the room as if he were curious to see

Tom was almost at his wit's end what to say between the two, and had already made a gesture as if he would

call Mr Pecksniff's attention to the gentleman who had last addressed him, when Martin saved him further

'Mr Pecksniff,' he said, softly rapping the table twice or thrice, and moving a step or two nearer, so that he

could have touched him with his hand; 'you heard what I said just now. Do me the favour to reply, if you

'I will talk to you, sir,' said Mr Pecksniff in a severe voice, as he looked at him for the first time, 'presently.'

'You are very obliging,' returned Martin; 'presently will not do. I must trouble you to talk to me at once.'

Mr Pecksniff made a feint of being deeply interested in his pocketbook, but it shook in his hands; he trembled

'Now,' retorted Martin, rapping the table again. 'Now. Presently will not do. Now!'

Martin looked at him, and made no answer; but a curious observer might have detected an ominous twitching

at his mouth, and perhaps an involuntary attraction of his right hand in the direction of Mr Pecksniff's cravat.

'I lament to be obliged to say, sir,' resumed Mr Pecksniff, 'that it would be quite in keeping with your

character if you did threaten me. You have deceived me. You have imposed upon a nature which you knew to

be confiding and unsuspicious. You have obtained admission, sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, rising, 'to this house, on

'Thus much more, sir,' cried Mr Pecksniff, trembling from head to foot, and trying to rub his hands, as though

he were only cold. 'Thus much more, if you force me to publish your shame before a third party, which I was

unwilling and indisposed to do. This lowly roof, sir, must not be contaminated by the presence of one who

has deceived, and cruelly deceived, an honourable, beloved, venerated, and venerable gentleman; and who

wisely suppressed that deceit from me when he sought my protection and favour, knowing that, humble as I

am, I am an honest man, seeking to do my duty in this carnal universe, and setting my face against all vice

and treachery. I weep for your depravity, sir,' said Mr Pecksniff; 'I mourn over your corruption, I pity your

voluntary withdrawal of yourself from the flowery paths of purity and peace;' here he struck himself upon his

breast, or moral garden; 'but I cannot have a leper and a serpent for an inmate. Go forth,' said Mr Pecksniff,

stretching out his hand: 'go forth, young man! Like all who know you, I renounce you!'

With what intention Martin made a stride forward at these words, it is impossible to say. It is enough to know

that Tom Pinch caught him in his arms, and that, at the same moment, Mr Pecksniff stepped back so hastily,

that he missed his footing, tumbled over a chair, and fell in a sitting posture on the ground; where he

remained without an effort to get up again, with his head in a corner, perhaps considering it the safest place.

'Let me go, Pinch!' cried Martin, shaking him away. 'Why do you hold me? Do you think a blow could make

him a more abject creature than he is? Do you think that if I spat upon him, I could degrade him to a lower

Mr Pinch involuntarily did so. Mr Pecksniff sitting, as has been already mentioned, on the carpet, with his

head in an acute angle of the wainscot, and all the damage and detriment of an uncomfortable journey about

him, was not exactly a model of all that is prepossessing and dignified in man, certainly. Still he WAS

Pecksniff; it was impossible to deprive him of that unique and paramount appeal to Tom. And he returned

Tom's glance, as if he would have said, 'Aye, Mr Pinch, look at me! Here I am! You know what the Poet says

about an honest man; and an honest man is one of the few great works that can be seen for nothing! Look at

'I tell you,' said Martin, 'that as he lies there, disgraced, bought, used; a cloth for dirty hands, a mat for dirty

feet, a lying, fawning, servile hound, he is the very last and worst among the vermin of the world. And mark

me, Pinch! The day will comehe knows it; see it written on his face, while I speak!when even you will

find him out, and will know him as I do, and as he knows I do. HE renounce ME! Cast your eyes on the

He pointed at him as he spoke, with unutterable contempt, and flinging his hat upon his head, walked from

the room and from the house. He went so rapidly that he was already clear of the village, when he heard Tom

'I didn't so much mean that, as were you going now at oncein this bad weatheron footwithout your

'No, no,' cried Tom, in a kind of agony. 'Don't go there. Pray don't. Think better of it. Don't be so dreadfully

'My mind is made up,' he said. 'Your friend was right. I'll go to America. God bless you, Pinch!'

'Take this!' cried Tom, pressing a book upon him in great agitation. 'I must make haste back, and can't say

anything I would. Heaven be with you. Look at the leaf I have turned down. Goodbye, goodbye!'

The simple fellow wrung him by the hand, with tears stealing down his cheeks; and they parted hurriedly

Carrying Tom Pinch's book quite unconsciously under his arm, and not even buttoning his coat as a

protection against the heavy rain, Martin went doggedly forward at the same quick pace, until he had passed

the fingerpost, and was on the high road to London. He slackened very little in his speed even then, but he

began to think, and look about him, and to disengage his senses from the coil of angry passions which

It must be confessed that, at that moment, he had no very agreeable employment either for his moral or his

physical perceptions. The day was dawning from a patch of watery light in the east, and sullen clouds came

driving up before it, from which the rain descended in a thick, wet mist. It streamed from every twig and

bramble in the hedge; made little gullies in the path; ran down a hundred channels in the road; and punched

innumerable holes into the face of every pond and gutter. It fell with an oozy, slushy sound among the grass;

and made a muddy kennel of every furrow in the ploughed fields. No living creature was anywhere to be

seen. The prospect could hardly have been more desolate if animated nature had been dissolved in water, and

The range of view within the solitary traveller was quite as cheerless as the scene without. Friendless and

penniless; incensed to the last degree; deeply wounded in his pride and selflove; full of independent

schemes, and perfectly destitute of any means of realizing them; his most vindictive enemy might have been

satisfied with the extent of his troubles. To add to his other miseries, he was by this time sensible of being

In this deplorable condition he remembered Mr Pinch's book; more because it was rather troublesome to

carry, than from any hope of being comforted by that parting gift. He looked at the dingy lettering on the

back, and finding it to be an odd volume of the 'Bachelor of Salamanca,' in the French tongue, cursed Tom

Pinch's folly twenty times. He was on the point of throwing it away, in his illhumour and vexation, when he

bethought himself that Tom had referred him to a leaf, turned down; and opening it at that place, that he

might have additional cause of complaint against him for supposing that any cold scrap of the Bachelor's

Well, well! not much, but Tom's all. The halfsovereign. He had wrapped it hastily in a piece of paper, and

pinned it to the leaf. These words were scrawled in pencil on the inside: 'I don't want it indeed. I should not

There are some falsehoods, Tom, on which men mount, as on bright wings, towards Heaven. There are some

truths, cold bitter taunting truths, wherein your worldly scholars are very apt and punctual, which bind men

down to earth with leaden chains. Who would not rather have to fan him, in his dying hour, the lightest

feather of a falsehood such as thine, than all the quills that have been plucked from the sharp porcupine,

Martin felt keenly for himself, and he felt this good deed of Tom's keenly. After a few minutes it had the

effect of raising his spirits, and reminding him that he was not altogether destitute, as he had left a fair stock

of clothes behind him, and wore a gold huntingwatch in his pocket. He found a curious gratification, too, in

thinking what a winning fellow he must be to have made such an impression on Tom; and in reflecting how

superior he was to Tom; and how much more likely to make his way in the world. Animated by these

thoughts, and strengthened in his design of endeavouring to push his fortune in another country, he resolved

to get to London as a rallyingpoint, in the best way he could; and to lose no time about it.

He was ten good miles from the village made illustrious by being the abidingplace of Mr Pecksniff, when he

stopped to breakfast at a little roadside alehouse; and resting upon a highbacked settle before the fire, pulled

off his coat, and hung it before the cheerful blaze to dry. It was a very different place from the last tavern in

which he had regaled; boasting no greater extent of accommodation than the brickfloored kitchen yielded;

but the mind so soon accommodates itself to the necessities of the body, that this poor waggoner's

houseofcall, which he would have despised yesterday, became now quite a choice hotel; while his dish of

eggs and bacon, and his mug of beer, were not by any means the coarse fare he had supposed, but fully bore

out the inscription on the windowshutter, which proclaimed those viands to be 'Good entertainment for

He pushed away his empty plate; and with a second mug upon the hearth before him, looked thoughtfully at

the fire until his eyes ached. Then he looked at the highlycoloured scripture pieces on the walls, in little

black frames like common shavingglasses, and saw how the Wise Men (with a strong family likeness

among them) worshipped in a pink manger; and how the Prodigal Son came home in red rags to a purple

father, and already feasted his imagination on a seagreen calf. Then he glanced through the window at the

falling rain, coming down aslant upon the signpost over against the house, and overflowing the

horsetrough; and then he looked at the fire again, and seemed to descry a double distant London, retreating

He had repeated this process in just the same order, many times, as if it were a matter of necessity, when the

sound of wheels called his attention to the window out of its regular turn; and there he beheld a kind of light

van drawn by four horses, and laden, as well as he could see (for it was covered in), with corn and straw. The

driver, who was alone, stopped at the door to water his team, and presently came stamping and shaking the

He was a redfaced burly young fellow; smart in his way, and with a goodhumoured countenance. As he

advanced towards the fire he touched his shining forehead with the forefinger of his stiff leather glove, by

way of salutation; and said (rather unnecessarily) that it was an uncommon wet day.

The driver glanced at Martin's soiled dress, and his damp shirt sleeves, and his coat hung up to dry; and

Now the driver said 'That's bad,' not so much because Martin didn't own a horse, as because he said he didn't

with all the reckless desperation of his mood and circumstances, and so left a great deal to be inferred. Martin

put his hands in his pockets and whistled when he had retorted on the driver; thus giving him to understand

that he didn't care a pin for Fortune; that he was above pretending to be her favourite when he was not; and

The driver looked at him stealthily for a minute or so; and in the pauses of his warming whistled too. At

'Up then,' said Martin. He tossed his head in a careless manner afterwards, as if he would have added, 'Now

you know all about it.' put his hands deeper into his pockets; changed his tune, and whistled a little louder.

The driver sprinkled the fire with his wet hat until it hissed again and answered, 'Aye, to be sure he was.'

'Why, then,' said Martin, 'I'll be plain with you. You may suppose from my dress that I have money to spare. I

have not. All I can afford for coachhire is a crown, for I have but two. If you can take me for that, and my

'You want more?' said Martin. 'Then I haven't got more, and I can't get it, so there's an end of that.'

'I didn't say I wanted more, did I?' asked the driver, with something like indignation.

'Why, how could I, when you wouldn't let me? In regard to the waistcoat, I wouldn't have a man's waistcoat,

much less a gentleman's waistcoat, on my mind, for no consideration; but the silk handkerchief's another

thing; and if you was satisfied when we got to Hounslow, I shouldn't object to that as a gift.'

'Then finish this beer,' said Martin, handing him the mug, and pulling on his coat with great alacrity; 'and let

In two minutes more he had paid his bill, which amounted to a shilling; was lying at full length on a truss of

straw, high and dry at the top of the van, with the tilt a little open in front for the convenience of talking to his

new friend; and was moving along in the right direction with a most satisfactory and encouraging briskness.

The driver's name, as he soon informed Martin, was William Simmons, better known as Bill; and his spruce

appearance was sufficiently explained by his connection with a large stagecoaching establishment at

Hounslow, whither he was conveying his load from a farm belonging to the concern in Wiltshire. He was

frequently up and down the road on such errands, he said, and to look after the sick and rest horses, of which

animals he had much to relate that occupied a long time in the telling. He aspired to the dignity of the regular

box, and expected an appointment on the first vacancy. He was musical besides, and had a little keybugle in

his pocket, on which, whenever the conversation flagged, he played the first part of a great many tunes, and

'Ah!' said Bill, with a sigh, as he drew the back of his hand across his lips, and put this instrument in his

pocket, after screwing off the mouthpiece to drain it; 'Lummy Ned of the Light Salisbury, HE was the one

for musical talents. He WAS a guard. What you may call a Guard'an Angel, was Ned.'

'Dead!' replied the other, with a contemptuous emphasis. 'Not he. You won't catch Ned adying easy. No, no.

'You spoke of him in the past tense,' observed Martin, 'so I supposed he was no more.

'He's no more in England,' said Bill, 'if that's what you mean. He went to the United States.'

'Five year ago, or then about,' said Bill. 'He had set up in the public line here, and couldn't meet his

engagements, so he cut off to Liverpool one day, without saying anything about it, and went and shipped

'Well! as he landed there without a penny to bless himself with, of course they wos very glad to see him in

'What do I mean?' said Bill. 'Why, THAT. All men are alike in the United States, an't they? It makes no

odds whether a man has a thousand pound, or nothing, there. Particular in New York, I'm told, where Ned

'Yes,' said Bill. 'New York. I know that, because he sent word home that it brought Old York to his mind,

quite vivid, in consequence of being so exactly unlike it in every respect. I don't understand what particular

business Ned turned his mind to, when he got there; but he wrote home that him and his friends was always

a singing, Ale Columbia, and blowing up the President, so I suppose it was something in the public line; or

'Yes, he did,' said Bill. 'I know that, because he lost it all the day after, in sixandtwenty banks as broke. He

settled a lot of the notes on his father, when it was ascertained that they was really stopped and sent 'em over

with a dutiful letter. I know that, because they was shown down our yard for the old gentleman's benefit, that

'He was a foolish fellow not to take care of his money when he had it,' said Martin, indignantly.

'There you're right,' said Bill, 'especially as it was all in paper, and he might have took care of it so very easy,

Martin said nothing in reply, but soon afterwards fell asleep, and remained so for an hour or more. When he

awoke, finding it had ceased to rain, he took his seat beside the driver, and asked him several questions; as

how long had the fortunate guard of the Light Salisbury been in crossing the Atlantic; at what time of the year

had he sailed; what was the name of the ship in which he made the voyage; how much had he paid for

passagemoney; did he suffer greatly from seasickness? and so forth. But on these points of detail his friend

was possessed of little or no information; either answering obviously at random or acknowledging that he had

never heard, or had forgotten; nor, although he returned to the charge very often, could he obtain any useful

They jogged on all day, and stopped so oftennow to refresh, now to change their team of horses, now to

exchange or bring away a set of harness, now on one point of business, and now upon another, connected

with the coaching on that line of roadthat it was midnight when they reached Hounslow. A little short of

the stables for which the van was bound, Martin got down, paid his crown, and forced his silk handkerchief

upon his honest friend, notwithstanding the many protestations that he didn't wish to deprive him of it, with

which he tried to give the lie to his longing looks. That done, they parted company; and when the van had

driven into its own yard and the gates were closed, Martin stood in the dark street, with a pretty strong sense

But in this moment of despondency, and often afterwards, the recollection of Mr Pecksniff operated as a

cordial to him; awakening in his breast an indignation that was very wholesome in nerving him to obstinate

endurance. Under the influence of this fiery dram he started off for London without more ado. Arriving there

in the middle of the night, and not knowing where to find a tavern open, he was fain to stroll about the streets

He found himself, about an hour before dawn, in the humbler regions of the Adelphi; and addressing himself

to a man in a furcap, who was taking down the shutters of an obscure publichouse, informed him that he

was a stranger, and inquired if he could have a bed there. It happened by good luck that he could. Though

none of the gaudiest, it was tolerably clean, and Martin felt very glad and grateful when he crept into it, for

It was quite late in the afternoon when he awoke; and by the time he had washed and dressed, and broken his

fast, it was growing dusk again. This was all the better, for it was now a matter of absolute necessity that he

should part with his watch to some obliging pawn broker. He would have waited until after dark for this

purpose, though it had been the longest day in the year, and he had begun it without a breakfast.

He passed more Golden Balls than all the jugglers in Europe have juggled with, in the course of their united

performances, before he could determine in favour of any particular shop where those symbols were

displayed. In the end he came back to one of the first he had seen, and entering by a sidedoor in a court,

where the three balls, with the legend 'Money Lent,' were repeated in a ghastly transparency, passed into one

of a series of little closets, or private boxes, erected for the accommodation of the more bashful and

uninitiated customers. He bolted himself in; pulled out his watch; and laid it on the counter.

'Upon my life and soul!' said a low voice in the next box to the shopman who was in treaty with him, 'you

must make it more; you must make it a trifle more, you must indeed! You must dispense with one

halfquarter of an ounce in weighing out your pound of flesh, my best of friends, and make it twoandsix.'

'You're always full of your chaff,' said the shopman, rolling up the article (which looked like a shirt) quite as

'I shall never be full of my wheat,' said Mr Tigg, 'as long as I come here. Ha, ha! Not bad! Make it

twoandsix, my dear friend, positively for this occasion only. Halfacrown is a delightful coin.

'It'll never be the last time till it's quite worn out,' rejoined the shopman. 'It's grown yellow in the service as it

'Its master has grown yellow in the service, if you mean that, my friend,' said Mr Tigg; 'in the patriotic service

'I'm making it,' returned the shopman, 'what it always has beentwo shillings. Same name as usual, I

'Still the same name,' said Mr Tigg; 'my claim to the dormant peerage not being yet established by the House

'Not at all,' said Mr Tigg; 'I have removed my town establishment from thirtyeight, Mayfair, to number

'You may put down what you please, my friend,' quoth Mr Tigg. 'The fact is still the same. The apartments

for the underbutler and the fifth footman being of a most confounded low and vulgar kind at thirtyeight,

Mayfair, I have been compelled, in my regard for the feelings which do them so much honour, to take on

lease for seven, fourteen, or twentyone years, renewable at the option of the tenant, the elegant and

commodious family mansion, number fifteen hundredandfortytwo Park Lane. Make it twoandsix,

The shopman was so highly entertained by this piece of humour that Mr Tigg himself could not repress some

little show of exultation. It vented itself, in part, in a desire to see how the occupant of the next box received

his pleasantry; to ascertain which he glanced round the partition, and immediately, by the gaslight,

'I wish I may die,' said Mr Tigg, stretching out his body so far that his head was as much in Martin's little cell

as Martin's own head was, 'but this is one of the most tremendous meetings in Ancient or Modern History!

How are you? What is the news from the agricultural districts? How are our friends the P.'s? Ha, ha! David,

pay particular attention to this gentleman immediately, as a friend of mine, I beg.'

'Here! Please to give me the most you can for this,' said Martin, handing the watch to the shopman. 'I want

'He wants money, sorely!' cried Mr Tigg with excessive sympathy. 'David, will you have the goodness to do

your very utmost for my friend, who wants money sorely. You will deal with my friend as if he were myself.

A gold huntingwatch, David, engineturned, capped and jewelled in four holes, escape movement,

horizontal lever, and warranted to perform correctly, upon my personal reputation, who have observed it

narrowly for many years, under the most trying circumstances'here he winked at Martin, that he might

understand this recommendation would have an immense effect upon the shopman; 'what do you say, David,

to my friend? Be very particular to deserve my custom and recommendation, David.'

'I can lend you three pounds on this, if you like' said the shopman to Martin, confidentially. 'It is very

'And devilish handsome, too,' cried Mr Tigg. 'Twotwelvesix for the watch, and sevenandsix for personal

regard. I am gratified; it may be weakness, but I am. Three pounds will do. We take it. The name of my friend

is Smivey: Chicken Smivey, of Holborn, twenty sixandahalf B: lodger.' Here he winked at Martin again,

to apprise him that all the forms and ceremonies prescribed by law were now complied with, and nothing

In point of fact, this proved to be the case, for Martin, who had no resource but to take what was offered him,

signified his acquiescence by a nod of his head, and presently came out with the cash in his pocket. He was

joined in the entry by Mr Tigg, who warmly congratulated him, as he took his arm and accompanied him into

'As for my part in the same,' said Mr Tigg, 'don't mention it. Don't compliment me, for I can't bear it!'

'I have no such intention, I assure you,' retorted Martin, releasing his arm and stopping.

'Now, sir,' observed Martin, biting his lip, 'this is a large town, and we can easily find different ways in it. If

'I need scarcely tell you, after what you have just seen, that I have nothing to bestow upon your friend Mr

Slyme. And it is quite as unnecessary for me to tell you that I don't desire the honour of your company.'

'Stop' cried Mr Tigg, holding out his hand. 'Hold! There is a most remarkably longheaded, flowingbearded,

and patriarchal proverb, which observes that it is the duty of a man to be just before he is generous. Be just

now, and you can be generous presently. Do not confuse me with the man Slyme. Do not distinguish the man

Slyme as a friend of mine, for he is no such thing. I have been compelled, sir, to abandon the party whom you

call Slyme. I have no knowledge of the party whom you call Slyme. I am, sir,' said Mr Tigg, striking himself

upon the breast, 'a premium tulip, of a very different growth and cultivation from the cabbage Slyme, sir.'

'It matters very little to me,' said Martin coolly, 'whether you have set up as a vagabond on your own account,

or are still trading on behalf of Mr Slyme. I wish to hold no correspondence with you. In the devil's name,

man' said Martin, scarcely able, despite his vexation, to repress a smile as Mr Tigg stood leaning his back

against the shutters of a shop window, adjusting his hair with great composure, 'will you go one way or

'You will allow me to remind you, sir,' said Mr Tigg, with sudden dignity, 'that younot Ithat youI say

emphatically, YOUhave reduced the proceedings of this evening to a cold and distant matter of business,

when I was disposed to place them on a friendly footing. It being made a matter of business, sir, I beg to say

that I expect a trifle (which I shall bestow in charity) as commission upon the pecuniary advance, in which I

have rendered you my humble services. After the terms in which you have addressed me, sir,' concluded Mr

Tigg, 'you will not insult me, if you please, by offering more than halfacrown.'

Martin drew that piece of money from his pocket, and tossed it towards him. Mr Tigg caught it, looked at it to

assure himself of its goodness, spun it in the air after the manner of a pieman, and buttoned it up. Finally, he

raised his hat an inch or two from his head with a military air, and, after pausing a moment with deep gravity,

as to decide in which direction he should go, and to what Earl or Marquis among his friends he should give

the preference in his next call, stuck his hands in his skirtpockets and swaggered round the corner. Martin

took the directly opposite course; and so, to his great content, they parted company.

It was with a bitter sense of humiliation that he cursed, again and again, the mischance of having encountered

this man in the pawnbroker's shop. The only comfort he had in the recollection was, Mr Tigg's voluntary

avowal of a separation between himself and Slyme, that would at least prevent his circumstances (so Martin

argued) from being known to any member of his family, the bare possibility of which filled him with shame

and wounded pride. Abstractedly there was greater reason, perhaps, for supposing any declaration of Mr

Tigg's to be false, than for attaching the least credence to it; but remembering the terms on which the

intimacy between that gentleman and his bosom friend had subsisted, and the strong probability of Mr Tigg's

having established an independent business of his own on Mr Slyme's connection, it had a reasonable

appearance of probability; at all events, Martin hoped so; and that went a long way.

His first step, now that he had a supply of ready money for his present necessities, was, to retain his bed at the

publichouse until further notice, and to write a formal note to Tom Pinch (for he knew Pecksniff would see

it) requesting to have his clothes forwarded to London by coach, with a direction to be left at the office until

called for. These measures taken, he passed the interval before the box arrivedthree daysin making

inquiries relative to American vessels, at the offices of various shipping agents in the city; and in lingering

about the docks and wharves, with the faint hope of stumbling upon some engagement for the voyage, as

clerk or supercargo, or custodian of something or somebody, which would enable him to procure a free

passage. But finding, soon, that no such means of employment were likely to present themselves, and

dreading the consequences of delay, he drew up a short advertisement, stating what he wanted, and inserted it

in the leading newspapers. Pending the receipt of the twenty or thirty answers which he vaguely expected, he

reduced his wardrobe to the narrowest limits consistent with decent respectability, and carried the overplus at

And it was strange, very strange, even to himself, to find how, by quick though almost imperceptible degrees,

he lost his delicacy and selfrespect, and gradually came to do that as a matter of course, without the least

compunction, which but a few short days before had galled him to the quick. The first time he visited the

pawnbroker's, he felt on his way there as if every person whom he passed suspected whither he was going;

and on his way back again, as if the whole human tide he stemmed, knew well where he had come from.

When did he care to think of their discernment now! In his first wanderings up and down the weary streets, he

counterfeited the walk of one who had an object in his view; but soon there came upon him the sauntering,

slipshod gait of listless idleness, and the lounging at streetcorners, and plucking and biting of stray bits of

straw, and strolling up and down the same place, and looking into the same shopwindows, with a miserable

indifference, fifty times a day. At first, he came out from his lodging with an uneasy sense of being

observedeven by those chance passersby, on whom he had never looked before, and hundreds to one

would never see again issuing in the morning from a publichouse; but now, in his comings out and

goingsin he did not mind to lounge about the door, or to stand sunning himself in careless thought beside the

wooden stem, studded from head to heel with pegs, on which the beerpots dangled like so many boughs

upon a pewtertree. And yet it took but five weeks to reach the lowest round of this tall ladder!

Oh, moralists, who treat of happiness and selfrespect, innate in every sphere of life, and shedding light on

every grain of dust in God's highway, so smooth below your carriagewheels, so rough beneath the tread of

naked feet, bethink yourselves in looking on the swift descent of men who HAVE lived in their own esteem,

that there are scores of thousands breathing now, and breathing thick with painful toil, who in that high

respect have never lived at all, nor had a chance of life! Go ye, who rest so placidly upon the sacred Bard

who had been young, and when he strung his harp was old, and had never seen the righteous forsaken, or his

seed begging their bread; go, Teachers of content and honest pride, into the mine, the mill, the forge, the

squalid depths of deepest ignorance, and uttermost abyss of man's neglect, and say can any hopeful plant

spring up in air so foul that it extinguishes the soul's bright torch as fast as it is kindled! And, oh! ye Pharisees

of the nineteen hundredth year of Christian Knowledge, who soundingly appeal to human nature, see that it

be human first. Take heed it has not been transformed, during your slumber and the sleep of generations, into

Five weeks! Of all the twenty or thirty answers, not one had come. His moneyeven the additional stock he

had raised from the disposal of his spare clothes (and that was not much, for clothes, though dear to buy, are

cheap to pawn)was fast diminishing. Yet what could he do? At times an agony came over him in which he

darted forth again, though he was but newly home, and, returning to some place where he had been already

twenty times, made some new attempt to gain his end, but always unsuccessfully. He was years and years too

old for a cabinboy, and years upon years too inexperienced to be accepted as a common seaman. His dress

and manner, too, militated fatally against any such proposal as the latter; and yet he was reduced to making it;

for even if he could have contemplated the being set down in America totally without money, he had not

enough left now for a steerage passage and the poorest provisions upon the voyage.

It is an illustration of a very common tendency in the mind of man, that all this time he never once doubted,

one may almost say the certainty of doing great things in the New World, if he could only get there. In

proportion as he became more and more dejected by his present circumstances, and the means of gaining

America receded from his grasp, the more he fretted himself with the conviction that that was the only place

in which he could hope to achieve any high end, and worried his brain with the thought that men going there

in the meanwhile might anticipate him in the attainment of those objects which were dearest to his heart. He

often thought of John Westlock, and besides looking out for him on all occasions, actually walked about

London for three days together for the express purpose of meeting with him. But although he failed in this;

and although he would not have scrupled to borrow money of him; and although he believed that John would

have lent it; yet still he could not bring his mind to write to Pinch and inquire where he was to be found. For

although, as we have seen, he was fond of Tom after his own fashion, he could not endure the thought

(feeling so superior to Tom) of making him the steppingstone to his fortune, or being anything to him but a

patron; and his pride so revolted from the idea that it restrained him even now.

It might have yielded, however; and no doubt must have yielded soon, but for a very strange and

The five weeks had quite run out, and he was in a truly desperate plight, when one evening, having just

returned to his lodging, and being in the act of lighting his candle at the gas jet in the bar before stalking

moodily upstairs to his own room, his landlord called him by his name. Now as he had never told it to the

man, but had scrupulously kept it to himself, he was not a little startled by this; and so plainly showed his

'For Mr Martin Chuzzlewit,' said the landlord, reading the superscription of one he held in his hand. 'Noon.

Martin took it from him, thanked him, and walked upstairs. It was not sealed, but pasted close; the

handwriting was quite unknown to him. He opened it and found enclosed, without any name, address, or

other inscription or explanation of any kind whatever, a Bank of England note for Twenty Pounds.

To say that he was perfectly stunned with astonishment and delight; that he looked again and again at the note

and the wrapper; that he hurried below stairs to make quite certain that the note was a good note; and then

hurried up again to satisfy himself for the fiftieth time that he had not overlooked some scrap of writing on

the wrapper; that he exhausted and bewildered himself with conjectures; and could make nothing of it but that

there the note was, and he was suddenly enriched; would be only to relate so many matters of course to no

purpose. The final upshot of the business at that time was, that he resolved to treat himself to a comfortable

but frugal meal in his own chamber; and having ordered a fire to be kindled, went out to purchase it

He bought some cold beef, and ham, and French bread, and butter, and came back with his pockets pretty

heavily laden. It was somewhat of a damping circumstance to find the room full of smoke, which was

attributable to two causes; firstly, to the flue being naturally vicious and a smoker; and secondly, to their

having forgotten, in lighting the fire, an odd sack or two and some trifles, which had been put up the chimney

to keep the rain out. They had already remedied this oversight, however; and propped up the windowsash

with a bundle of firewood to keep it open; so that except in being rather inflammatory to the eyes and

Martin was in no vein to quarrel with it, if it had been in less tolerable order, especially when a gleaming pint

of porter was set upon the table, and the servantgirl withdrew, bearing with her particular instructions

relative to the production of something hot when he should ring the bell. The cold meat being wrapped in a

playbill, Martin laid the cloth by spreading that document on the little round table with the print downwards,

and arranging the collation upon it. The foot of the bed, which was very close to the fire, answered for a

sideboard; and when he had completed these preparations, he squeezed an old armchair into the warmest

He had begun to eat with great appetite, glancing round the room meanwhile with a triumphant anticipation

of quitting it for ever on the morrow, when his attention was arrested by a stealthy footstep on the stairs, and

presently by a knock at his chamber door, which, although it was a gentle knock enough, communicated such

a start to the bundle of firewood, that it instantly leaped out of window, and plunged into the street.

'It an't a liberty, sir, though it seems so,' rejoined a man's voice. 'Your servant, sir. Hope you're pretty well,

Martin stared at the face that was bowing in the doorway, perfectly remembering the features and expression,

'Tapley, sir,' said his visitor. 'Him as formerly lived at the Dragon, sir, and was forced to leave in

'Why, sir,' said Mark, 'I've passed you once or twice in the street, if I'm not mistaken; and when I was

alooking in at the beefandham shop just now, along with a hungry sweep, as was very much calculated to

'Why, then, sir,' said Mark, 'I made bold to foller; and as I told 'em downstairs that you expected me, I was let

'Are you charged with any message, that you told them you were expected?' inquired Martin.

'No, sir, I an't,' said Mark. 'That was what you may call a pious fraud, sir, that was.'

Martin cast an angry look at him; but there was something in the fellow's merry face, and in his

mannerwhich with all its cheerfulness was far from being obtrusive or familiarthat quite disarmed him.

He had lived a solitary life too, for many weeks, and the voice was pleasant in his ear.

'Tapley,' he said, 'I'll deal openly with you. From all I can judge and from all I have heard of you through

Pinch, you are not a likely kind of fellow to have been brought here by impertinent curiosity or any other

'Very good, sir,' observed Mark. 'Your will's a law, sir. Down it is;' and he sat down accordingly upon the

'Very good, sir,' rejoined Mark. 'That being your desirenow it is.' With which reply he gravely helped

himself and went on eating. Martin having done the like for a short time in silence, said abruptly:

'To attend upon a single gentleman,' resumed Mark. 'If from the country the more desirable. Makeshifts

'Then you may judge from my style of living here, of my means of keeping a manservant. Besides, I am

'Well, sir,' returned Mark, quite unmoved by this intelligence 'from all that ever I heard about it, I should say

Again Martin looked at him angrily; and again his anger melted away in spite of himself.

'Lord bless you, sir,' said Mark, 'what is the use of us agoing round and round, and hiding behind the corner,

and dodging up and down, when we can come straight to the point in six words? I've had my eye upon you

any time this fortnight. I see well enough there's a screw loose in your affairs. I know'd well enough the first

time I see you down at the Dragon that it must be so, sooner or later. Now, sir here am I, without a sitiwation;

without any want of wages for a year to come; for I saved up (I didn't mean to do it, but I couldn't help it) at

the Dragonhere am I with a liking for what's wentersome, and a liking for you, and a wish to come out

strong under circumstances as would keep other men down; and will you take me, or will you leave me?'

'When I say take,' rejoined Mark, 'I mean will you let me go? and when I say will you let me go, I mean will

you let me go along with you? for go I will, somehow or another. Now that you've said America, I see clear

at once, that that's the place for me to be jolly in. Therefore, if I don't pay my own passage in the ship you go

in, sir, I'll pay my own passage in another. And mark my words, if I go alone it shall be, to carry out the

principle, in the rottenest, craziest, leakingest tub of a wessel that a place can be got in for love or money. So

if I'm lost upon the way, sir, there'll be a drowned man at your doorand always aknocking double knocks

'Very good, sir,' returned Mark. 'I'm glad to hear it, because if you don't mean to let me go, you'll be more

comfortable, perhaps, on account of thinking so. Therefore I contradict no gentleman. But all I say is, that if I

don't emigrate to America in that case, in the beastliest old cockleshell as goes out of port, I'm'

'Very good, sir,' said Mark, with the same air of perfect satisfaction. 'Let it stand that way at present, sir, and

wait and see how it turns out. Why, love my heart alive! the only doubt I have is, whether there's any credit in

going with a gentleman like you, that's as certain to make his way there as a gimlet is to go through soft deal.'

This was touching Martin on his weak point, and having him at a great advantage. He could not help

thinking, either, what a brisk fellow this Mark was, and how great a change he had wrought in the atmosphere

'Why, certainly, Mark,' he said, 'I have hopes of doing well there, or I shouldn't go. I may have the

'You see,' said Martin, leaning his chin upon his hand, and looking at the fire, 'ornamental architecture

applied to domestic purposes, can hardly fail to be in great request in that country; for men are constantly

changing their residences there, and moving further off; and it's clear they must have houses to live in.'

'I should say, sir,' observed Mark, 'that that's a state of things as opens one of the jolliest lookouts for

Martin glanced at him hastily, not feeling quite free from a suspicion that this remark implied a doubt of the

successful issue of his plans. But Mr Tapley was eating the boiled beef and bread with such entire good faith

and singleness of purpose expressed in his visage that he could not but be satisfied. Another doubt arose in

his mind however, as this one disappeared. He produced the blank cover in which the note had been enclosed,

Mark turned it over and over; held it near his eyes; held it away from him at arm's length; held it with the

superscription upwards and with the superscription downwards; and shook his head with such a genuine

expression of astonishment at being asked the question, that Martin said, as he took it from him again:

'No, I see you don't. How should you! Though, indeed, your knowing about it would not be more

extraordinary than its being here. Come, Tapley,' he added, after a moment's thought, 'I'll trust you with my

history, such as it is, and then you'll see more clearly what sort of fortunes you would link yourself to, if you

'I beg your pardon, sir,' said Mark; 'but afore you enter upon it will you take me if I choose to go? Will you

turn off meMark Tapleyformerly of the Blue Dragon, as can be well recommended by Mr Pinch, and as

wants a gentleman of your strength of mind to look up to; or will you, in climbing the ladder as you're certain

to get to the top of, take me along with you at a respectful dutance? Now, sir,' said Mark, 'it's of very little

importance to you, I know. there's the difficulty; but it's of very great importance to me, and will you be so

If this were meant as a second appeal to Martin's weak side, founded on his observation of the effect of the

first, Mr Tapley was a skillful and shrewd observer. Whether an intentional or an accidental shot, it hit the

mark fully for Martin, relenting more and more, said with a condescension which was inexpressibly delicious

'We'll see about it, Tapley. You shall tell me in what disposition you find yourself tomorrow.'

'Then, sir,' said Mark, rubbing his hands, 'the job's done. Go on, sir, if you please. I'm all attention.'

Throwing himself back in his armchair, and looking at the fire, with now and then a glance at Mark, who at

such times nodded his head sagely, to express his profound interest and attention. Martin ran over the chief

points in his history, to the same effect as he had related them, weeks before, to Mr Pinch. But he adapted

them, according to the best of his judgment, to Mr Tapley's comprehension; and with that view made as light

of his love affair as he could, and referred to it in very few words. But here he reckoned without his host; for

Mark's interest was keenest in this part of the business, and prompted him to ask sundry questions in relation

to it; for which he apologised as one in some measure privileged to do so, from having seen (as Martin

'And a young lady as any gentleman ought to feel more proud of being in love with,' said Mark, energetically,

'Aye! You saw her when she was not happy,' said Martin, gazing at the fire again. 'If you had seen her in the

'Why, she certainly was a little downhearted, sir, and something paler in her colour than I could have

wished,' said Mark, 'but none the worse in her looks for that. I think she seemed better, sir, after she come to

Martin withdrew his eyes from the fire; stared at Mark as if he thought he had suddenly gone mad; and asked

'No offence intended, sir,' urged Mark. 'I don't mean to say she was any the happier without you; but I thought

'Do you mean to tell me she has been in London?' asked Martin, rising hurriedly, and pushing back his chair.

'My good fellow!' exclaimed Martin, clutching him by both arms, 'I have never seen her since I left my

'Why, then!' cried Mark, giving the little table such a blow with his clenched fist that the slices of beef and

ham danced upon it, while all his features seemed, with delight, to be going up into his forehead, and never

coming back again any more, 'if I an't your nat'ral born servant, hired by Fate, there an't such a thing in natur'

as a Blue Dragon. What! when I was arambling up and down a old churchyard in the City, getting myself

into a jolly state, didn't I see your grandfather atoddling to and fro for pretty nigh a mortal hour! Didn't I

watch him into Todgers's commercial boardinghouse, and watch him out, and watch him home to his hotel,

and go and tell him as his was the service for my money, and I had said so, afore I left the Dragon! Wasn't the

young lady asitting with him then, and didn't she fall alaughing in a manner as was beautiful to see! Didn't

your grandfather say, "Come back again next week," and didn't I go next week; and didn't he say that he

couldn't make up his mind to trust nobody no more; and therefore wouldn't engage me, but at the same time

stood something to drink as was handsome! Why,' cried Mr Tapley, with a comical mixture of delight and

chagrin, 'where's the credit of a man's being jolly under such circumstances! Who could help it, when things

For some moments Martin stood gazing at him, as if he really doubted the evidence of his senses, and could

not believe that Mark stood there, in the body, before him. At length he asked him whether, if the young lady

were still in London, he thought he could contrive to deliver a letter to her secretly.

'Do I think I can?' cried Mark. 'THINK I can? Here, sit down, sir. Write it out, sir!'

With that he cleared the table by the summary process of tilting everything upon it into the fireplace;

snatched some writing materials from the mantelshelf; set Martin's chair before them; forced him down into

'Cut away, sir!' cried Mark. 'Make it strong, sir. Let it be wery pinted, sir. Do I think so? I should think so. Go

Martin required no further adjuration, but went to work at a great rate; while Mr Tapley, installing himself

without any more formalities into the functions of his valet and general attendant, divested himself of his

coat, and went on to clear the fireplace and arrange the room; talking to himself in a low voice the whole

'Jolly sort of lodgings,' said Mark, rubbing his nose with the knob at the end of the fireshovel, and looking

round the poor chamber; 'that's a comfort. The rain's come through the roof too. That an't bad. A lively old

bedstead, I'll be bound; popilated by lots of wampires, no doubt. Come! my spirits is agetting up again. An

uncommon ragged nightcap this. A very good sign. We shall do yet! Here, Jane, my dear,' calling down the

stairs, 'bring up that there hot tumbler for my master as was amixing when I come in. That's right, sir,' to

Martin. 'Go at it as if you meant it, sir. Be very tender, sir, if you please. You can't make it too strong, sir!'

The letter being duly signed, sealed, and delivered, was handed to Mark Tapley, for immediate conveyance if

possible. And he succeeded so well in his embassy as to be enabled to return that same night, just as the

house was closing, with the welcome intelligence that he had sent it upstairs to the young lady, enclosed in a

small manuscript of his own, purporting to contain his further petition to be engaged in Mr Chuzzlewit's

service; and that she had herself come down and told him, in great haste and agitation, that she would meet

the gentleman at eight o'clock tomorrow morning in St. James's Park. It was then agreed between the new

master and the new man, that Mark should be in waiting near the hotel in good time, to escort the young lady

to the place of appointment; and when they had parted for the night with this understanding, Martin took up

his pen again; and before he went to bed wrote another letter, whereof more will be seen presently.

He was up before daybreak, and came upon the Park with the morning, which was clad in the least engaging

of the three hundred and sixty five dresses in the wardrobe of the year. It was raw, damp, dark, and dismal;

the clouds were as muddy as the ground; and the short perspective of every street and avenue was closed up

'Fine weather indeed,' Martin bitterly soliloquised, 'to be wandering up and down here in, like a thief! Fine

weather indeed, for a meeting of lovers in the open air, and in a public walk! I need be departing, with all

He might perhaps have gone on to reflect that of all mornings in the year, it was not the best calculated for a

young lady's coming forth on such an errand, either. But he was stopped on the road to this reflection, if his

thoughts tended that way, by her appearance at a short distance, on which he hurried forward to meet her. Her

squire, Mr Tapley, at the same time fell discreetly back, and surveyed the fog above him with an appearance

'My dear Mary,' said Martin; and lovers are such a singular kind of people that this is all they did say just

then, though Martin took her arm, and her hand too, and they paced up and down a short walk that was least

'If you have changed at all, my love, since we parted,' said Martin at length, as he looked upon her with a

Had she been of the common metal of loveworn young ladies, she would have denied this in her most

interesting manner; and would have told him that she knew she had become a perfect fright; or that she had

wasted away with weeping and anxiety; or that she was dwindling gently into an early grave; or that her

mental sufferings were unspeakable; or would, either by tears or words, or a mixture of both, have furnished

him with some other information to that effect, and made him as miserable as possible. But she had been

reared up in a sterner school than the minds of most young girls are formed in; she had had her nature

strengthened by the hands of hard endurance and necessity; had come out from her young trials constant,

selfdenying, earnest, and devoted; had acquired in her maidenhoodwhether happily in the end, for herself

or him, is foreign to our present purpose to inquiresomething of that nobler quality of gentle hearts which

is developed often by the sorrows and struggles of matronly years, but often by their lessons only. Unspoiled,

unpampered in her joys or griefs; with frank and full, and deep affection for the object of her early love; she

saw in him one who for her sake was an outcast from his home and fortune, and she had no more idea of

bestowing that love upon him in other than cheerful and sustaining words, full of high hope and grateful

trustfulness, than she had of being unworthy of it, in her lightest thought or deed, for any base temptation that

'What change is there in YOU, Martin,' she replied; 'for that concerns me nearest? You look more anxious

'Why, as to that, my love,' said Martin as he drew her waist within his arm, first looking round to see that

there were no observers near, and beholding Mr Tapley more intent than ever on the fog; 'it would be strange

'I know it must have been,' she answered. 'When have I forgotten to think of it and you?'

'Not often, I hope,' said Martin. 'Not often, I am sure. Not often, I have some right to expect, Mary; for I have

undergone a great deal of vexation and privation, and I naturally look for that return, you know.'

'A very, very poor return,' she answered with a fainter smile. 'But you have it, and will have it always. You

have paid a dear price for a poor heart, Martin; but it is at least your own, and a true one.'

'Of course I feel quite certain of that,' said Martin, 'or I shouldn't have put myself in my present position. And

don't say a poor heart, Mary, for I say a rich one. Now, I am about to break a design to you, dearest, which

will startle you at first, but which is undertaken for your sake. I am going,' he added slowly, looking far into

'If I do, or, I hope I may say, if I did,' she answered, raising her head after a short silence, and looking once

more into his face, 'it was for grief to think of what you are resolved to undergo for me. I would not venture

to dissuade you, Martin; but it is a long, long distance; there is a wide ocean to be crossed; illness and want

are sad calamities in any place, but in a foreign country dreadful to endure. Have you thought of all this?'

'Thought of it!' cried Martin, abating, in his fondnessand he WAS very fond of herhardly an iota of his

usual impetuosity. 'What am I to do? It's very well to say, "Have I thought of it?" my love; but you should ask

me in the same breath, have I thought of starving at home; have I thought of doing porter's work for a living;

have I thought of holding horses in the streets to earn my roll of bread from day to day? Come, come,' he

added, in a gentler tone, 'do not hang down your head, my dear, for I need the encouragement that your sweet

'Endeavouring to be anything that's good, and being it, is, with you, all one. Don't I know that of old?' cried

Martin, gayly. 'So! That's famous! Now I can tell you all my plans as cheerfully as if you were my little wife

She hung more closely on his arm, and looking upwards in his face, bade him speak on.

'You see,' said Martin, playing with the little hand upon his wrist, 'that my attempts to advance myself at

home have been baffled and rendered abortive. I will not say by whom, Mary, for that would give pain to us

both. But so it is. Have you heard him speak of late of any relative of mine or his, called Pecksniff? Only tell

'And that it is likely we may come to know him, if not to visit and reside with him andI thinkhis

'There is a sort of jesting which is very much in earnest, and includes some pretty serious disgust,' said

Martin. 'I jest in reference to Mr Pecksniff (at whose house I have been living as his assistant, and at whose

hands I have received insult and injury), in that vein. Whatever betides, or however closely you may be

brought into communication with this family, never forget that, Mary; and never for an instant, whatever

appearances may seem to contradict me, lose sight of this assurancePecksniff is a scoundrel.'

'In thought, and in deed, and in everything else. A scoundrel from the topmost hair of his head, to the

nethermost atom of his heel. Of his daughters I will only say that, to the best of my knowledge and belief,

they are dutiful young ladies, and take after their father closely. This is a digression from the main point, and

He stopped to look into her eyes again, and seeing, in a hasty glance over his shoulder, that there was no one

near, and that Mark was still intent upon the fog, not only looked at her lips, too, but kissed them into the

'Now I am going to America, with great prospects of doing well, and of returning home myself very soon; it

may be to take you there for a few years, but, at all events, to claim you for my wife; which, after such trials,

I should do with no fear of your still thinking it a duty to cleave to him who will not suffer me to live (for this

is true), if he can help it, in my own land. How long I may be absent is, of course, uncertain; but it shall not

'That's the very thing I am coming to. In the meantime you shall hear, constantly, of all my goingson. Thus.'

He paused to take from his pocket the letter he had written overnight, and then resumed:

'In this fellow's employment, and living in this fellow's house (by fellow, I mean Mr Pecksniff, of course),

there is a certain person of the name of Pinch. Don't forget; a poor, strange, simple oddity, Mary; but

thoroughly honest and sincere; full of zeal; and with a cordial regard for me. Which I mean to return one of

'Oh!' said Martin, 'that's not worth speaking of, my love. He's very grateful and desirous to serve me; and I

am more than repaid. Now one night I told this Pinch my history, and all about myself and you; in which he

was not a little interested, I can tell you, for he knows you! Aye, you may look surprisedand the longer the

better for it becomes youbut you have heard him play the organ in the church of that village before now;

and he has seen you listening to his music; and has caught his inspiration from you, too!'

'Yes, he was,' said Martin, 'and is, and gets nothing for it either. There never was such a simple fellow! Quite

'Oh, yes, no doubt at all about it,' rejoined Martin, in his usual careless way. 'He is. Well! It has occurred to

mebut stay. If I read you what I have written and intend sending to him by post to night it will explain

itself. "My dear Tom Pinch." That's rather familiar perhaps,' said Martin, suddenly remembering that he was

proud when they had last met, 'but I call him my dear Tom Pinch because he likes it, and it pleases him.'

'Exactly so!' cried Martin. 'It's as well to be kind whenever one can; and, as I said before, he really is an

excellent fellow. "My dear Tom PinchI address this under cover to Mrs Lupin, at the Blue Dragon, and

have begged her in a short note to deliver it to you without saying anything about it elsewhere; and to do the

same with all future letters she may receive from me. My reason for so doing will be at once apparent to

you"I don't know that it will be, by the bye,' said Martin, breaking off, 'for he's slow of comprehension,

poor fellow; but he'll find it out in time. My reason simply is, that I don't want my letters to be read by other

'The same,' said Martin 'will be at once apparent to you. I have completed my arrangements for going to

America; and you will be surprised to hear that I am to be accompanied by Mark Tapley, upon whom I have

stumbled strangely in London, and who insists on putting himself under my protection'meaning, my love,'

She was delighted to hear this, and bestowed a kind glance upon Mark, which he brought his eyes down from

the fog to encounter and received with immense satisfaction. She said in his hearing, too, that he was a good

soul and a merry creature, and would be faithful, she was certain; commendations which Mr Tapley inwardly

'"Now, my dear Pinch,"' resumed Martin, proceeding with his letter; '"I am going to repose great trust in you,

knowing that I may do so with perfect reliance on your honour and secrecy, and having nobody else just now

'Oh, I don't mind Pinch,' said Martin. 'There's no occasion to stand on any ceremony with HIM. However, I'll

take it out, as you wish it, and make the full stop at "secrecy." Very well! "I shall not only"this is the letter

'"I shall not only enclose my letters to the young lady of whom I have told you, to your charge, to be

forwarded as she may request; but I most earnestly commit her, the young lady herself, to your care and

regard, in the event of your meeting in my absence. I have reason to think that the probabilities of your

encountering each otherperhaps very frequentlyare now neither remote nor few; and although in our

position you can do very little to lessen the uneasiness of hers, I trust to you implicitly to do that much, and

so deserve the confidence I have reposed in you." You see, my dear Mary,' said Martin, 'it will be a great

consolation to you to have anybody, no matter how simple, with whom you can speak about ME; and the

very first time you talk to Pinch, you'll feel at once that there is no more occasion for any embarrassment or

'However that may be,' she returned, smiling, 'he is your friend, and that is enough.'

'Oh, yes, he's my friend,' said Martin, 'certainly. In fact, I have told him in so many words that we'll always

take notice of him, and protect him; and it's a good trait in his character that he's gratefulvery grateful

indeed. You'll like him of all things, my love, I know. You'll observe very much that's comical and old

fashioned about Pinch, but you needn't mind laughing at him; for he'll not care about it. He'll rather like it

'You won't if you can help it, of course,' he said, 'but I think you'll find him a little too much for your gravity.

However, that's neither here nor there, and it certainly is not the letter; which ends thus: "Knowing that I need

not impress the nature and extent of that confidence upon you at any greater length, as it is already

sufficiently established in your mind, I will only say, in bidding you farewell and looking forward to our next

meeting, that I shall charge myself from this time, through all changes for the better, with your advancement

and happiness, as if they were my own. You may rely upon that. And always believe me, my dear Tom Pinch,

faithfully your friend, Martin Chuzzlewit. P.S.I enclose the amount which you so kindly"Oh,' said

At this crisis Mark Tapley interposed, with an apology for remarking that the clock at the Horse Guards was

'Which I shouldn't have said nothing about, sir,' added Mark, 'if the young lady hadn't begged me to be

'I did,' said Mary. 'Thank you. You are quite right. In another minute I shall be ready to return. We have time

for a very few words more, dear Martin, and although I had much to say, it must remain unsaid until the

happy time of our next meeting. Heaven send it may come speedily and prosperously! But I have no fear of

'Fear!' cried Martin. 'Why, who has? What are a few months? What is a whole year? When I come gayly

back, with a road through life hewn out before me, then indeed, looking back upon this parting, it may seem a

dismal one. But now! I swear I wouldn't have it happen under more favourable auspices, if I could; for then I

'Tonight. We leave for Liverpool tonight. A vessel sails from that port, as I hear, in three days. In a month,

or less, we shall be there. Why, what's a month! How many months have flown by, since our last parting!'

'Long to look back upon,' said Mary, echoing his cheerful tone, 'but nothing in their course!'

'Nothing at all!' cried Martin. 'I shall have change of scene and change of place; change of people, change of

manners, change of cares and hopes! Time will wear wings indeed! I can bear anything, so that I have swift

Was he thinking solely of her care for him, when he took so little heed of her share in the separation; of her

quiet monotonous endurance, and her slow anxiety from day to day? Was there nothing jarring and discordant

even in his tone of courage, with this one note 'self' for ever audible, however high the strain? Not in her ears.

It had been better otherwise, perhaps, but so it was. She heard the same bold spirit which had flung away as

dross all gain and profit for her sake, making light of peril and privation that she might be calm and happy;

and she heard no more. That heart where self has found no place and raised no throne, is slow to recognize its

ugly presence when it looks upon it. As one possessed of an evil spirit was held in old time to be alone

conscious of the lurking demon in the breasts of other men, so kindred vices know each other in their

'I shall be ready to return immediately,' she said. 'One thing, dear Martin, I am bound to tell you. You

entreated me a few minutes since only to answer what you asked me in reference to one theme, but you

should and must know (otherwise I could not be at ease) that since that separation of which I was the

unhappy occasion, he has never once uttered your name; has never coupled it, or any faint allusion to it, with

'I thank him for that last act,' said Martin, 'and for nothing else. Though on consideration I may thank him for

his other forbearance also, inasmuch as I neither expect nor desire that he will mention my name again. He

may once, perhapsto couple it with reproachin his will. Let him, if he please! By the time it reaches me,

'Martin! If you would but sometimes, in some quiet hour; beside the winter fire; in the summer air; when you

hear gentle music, or think of Death, or Home, or Childhood; if you would at such a season resolve to think,

but once a month, or even once a year, of him, or any one who ever wronged you, you would forgive him in

'If I believed that to be true, Mary,' he replied, 'I would resolve at no such time to bear him in my mind;

wishing to spare myself the shame of such a weakness. I was not born to be the toy and puppet of any man,

far less his; to whose pleasure and caprice, in return for any good he did me, my whole youth was sacrificed.

It became between us two a fair exchangea barterand no more; and there is no such balance against me

that I need throw in a mawkish forgiveness to poise the scale. He has forbidden all mention of me to you, I

'That was long ago,' she returned; 'immediately after your parting; before you had left the house. He has never

'He has never done so since because he has seen no occasion,' said Martin; 'but that is of little consequence,

one way or other. Let all allusion to him between you and me be interdicted from this time forth. And

therefore, love'he drew her quickly to him, for the time of parting had now come'in the first letter that

you write to me through the Post Office, addressed to New York; and in all the others that you send through

Pinch; remember he has no existence, but has become to us as one who is dead. Now, God bless you! This is

a strange place for such a meeting and such a parting; but our next meeting shall be in a better, and our next

'One other question, Martin, I must ask. Have you provided money for this journey?'

'Have I?' cried Martin; it might have been in his pride; it might have been in his desire to set her mind at ease:

'Have I provided money? Why, there's a question for an emigrant's wife! How could I move on land or sea

'Enough! More than enough. Twenty times more than enough. A pocketfull. Mark and I, for all essential

But how cold the comfort in Goodbye! Mark Tapley knew it perfectly. Perhaps he knew it from his reading,

perhaps from his experience, perhaps from intuition. It is impossible to say; but however he knew it, his

knowledge instinctively suggested to him the wisest course of proceeding that any man could have adopted

under the circumstances. He was taken with a violent fit of sneezing, and was obliged to turn his head another

way. In doing which, he, in a manner fenced and screened the lovers into a corner by themselves.

There was a short pause, but Mark had an undefined sensation that it was a satisfactory one in its way. Then

Mary, with her veil lowered, passed him with a quick step, and beckoned him to follow. She stopped once

more before they lost that corner; looked back; and waved her hand to Martin. He made a start towards them

at the moment as if he had some other farewell words to say; but she only hurried off the faster, and Mr

When he rejoined Martin again in his own chamber, he found that gentleman seated moodily before the dusty

grate, with his two feet on the fender, his two elbows on his knees, and his chin supported, in a not very

'Well, sir,' said Mark, taking a long breath, 'I see the young lady safe home, and I feel pretty comfortable after

it. She sent a lot of kind words, sir, and this,' handing him a ring, 'for a parting keepsake.'

'Diamonds!' said Martin, kissing itlet us do him justice, it was for her sake; not for theirsand putting it

on his little finger. 'Splendid diamonds! My grandfather is a singular character, Mark. He must have given her

Mark Tapley knew as well that she had bought it, to the end that that unconscious speaker might carry some

article of sterling value with him in his necessity; as he knew that it was day, and not night. Though he had no

more acquaintance of his own knowledge with the history of the glittering trinket on Martin's outspread

finger, than Martin himself had, he was as certain that in its purchase she had expended her whole stock of

hoarded money, as if he had seen it paid down coin by coin. Her lover's strange obtuseness in relation to this

little incident, promptly suggested to Mark's mind its real cause and root; and from that moment he had a

clear and perfect insight into the one absorbing principle of Martin's character.

'She is worthy of the sacrifices I have made,' said Martin, folding his arms, and looking at the ashes in the

stove, as if in resumption of some former thoughts. 'Well worthy of them. No riches'here he stroked his

chin and mused'could have compensated for the loss of such a nature. Not to mention that in gaining her

affection I have followed the bent of my own wishes, and baulked the selfish schemes of others who had no

right to form them. She is quite worthymore than worthyof the sacrifices I have made. Yes, she is. No

These ruminations might or might not have reached Mark Tapley; for though they were by no means

addressed to him, yet they were softly uttered. In any case, he stood there, watching Martin with an

indescribable and most involved expression on his visage, until that young man roused himself and looked

towards him; when he turned away, as being suddenly intent upon certain preparations for the journey, and,

without giving vent to any articulate sound, smiled with surpassing ghastliness, and seemed by a twist of his

A dark and dreary night; people nestling in their beds or circling late about the fire; Want, colder than

Charity, shivering at the street corners; churchtowers humming with the faint vibration of their own

tongues, but newly resting from the ghostly preachment 'One!' The earth covered with a sable pall as for the

burial of yesterday; the clumps of dark trees, its giant plumes of funeral feathers, waving sadly to and fro: all

hushed, all noiseless, and in deep repose, save the swift clouds that skim across the moon, and the cautious

wind, as, creeping after them upon the ground, it stops to listen, and goes rustling on, and stops again, and

Whither go the clouds and wind so eagerly? If, like guilty spirits, they repair to some dread conference with

powers like themselves, in what wild regions do the elements hold council, or where unbend in terrible

Here! Free from that cramped prison called the earth, and out upon the waste of waters. Here, roaring, raging,

shrieking, howling, all night long. Hither come the sounding voices from the caverns on the coast of that

small island, sleeping, a thousand miles away, so quietly in the midst of angry waves; and hither, to meet

them, rush the blasts from unknown desert places of the world. Here, in the fury of their unchecked liberty,

they storm and buffet with each other, until the sea, lashed into passion like their own, leaps up, in ravings

On, on, on, over the countless miles of angry space roll the long heaving billows. Mountains and caves are

here, and yet are not; for what is now the one, is now the other; then all is but a boiling heap of rushing water.

Pursuit, and flight, and mad return of wave on wave, and savage struggle, ending in a spoutingup of foam

that whitens the black night; incessant change of place, and form, and hue; constancy in nothing, but eternal

strife; on, on, on, they roll, and darker grows the night, and louder howls the wind, and more clamorous and

fierce become the million voices in the sea, when the wild cry goes forth upon the storm 'A ship!'

Onward she comes, in gallant combat with the elements, her tall masts trembling, and her timbers starting on

the strain; onward she comes, now high upon the curling billows, now low down in the hollows of the sea, as

hiding for the moment from its fury; and every stormvoice in the air and water cries more loudly yet, 'A

Still she comes striving on; and at her boldness and the spreading cry, the angry waves rise up above each

other's hoary heads to look; and round about the vessel, far as the mariners on the decks can pierce into the

gloom, they press upon her, forcing each other down and starting up, and rushing forward from afar, in

dreadful curiosity. High over her they break; and round her surge and roar; and giving place to others,

moaningly depart, and dash themselves to fragments in their baffled anger. Still she comes onward bravely.

And though the eager multitude crowd thick and fast upon her all the night, and dawn of day discovers the

untiring train yet bearing down upon the ship in an eternity of troubled water, onward she comes, with dim

lights burning in her hull, and people there, asleep; as if no deadly element were peering in at every seam and

chink, and no drowned seaman's grave, with but a plank to cover it, were yawning in the unfathomable depths

Among these sleeping voyagers were Martin and Mark Tapley, who, rocked into a heavy drowsiness by the

unaccustomed motion, were as insensible to the foul air in which they lay, as to the uproar without. It was

broad day when the latter awoke with a dim idea that he was dreaming of having gone to sleep in a fourpost

bedstead which had turned bottom upwards in the course of the night. There was more reason in this too, than

in the roasting of eggs; for the first objects Mr Tapley recognized when he opened his eyes were his own

heelslooking down to him, as he afterwards observed, from a nearly perpendicular elevation.

'Well!' said Mark, getting himself into a sitting posture, after various ineffectual struggles with the rolling of

'You shouldn't go to sleep upon the ground with your head to leeward then,' growled a man in one of the

'No, I won't another time,' said Mark, 'when I know whereabouts on the map that country is. In the meanwhile

I can give you a better piece of advice. Don't you nor any other friend of mine never go to sleep with his head

The man gave a grunt of discontented acquiescence, turned over in his berth, and drew his blanket over his

'For,' said Mr Tapley, pursuing the theme by way of soliloquy in a low tone of voice; 'the sea is as

nonsensical a thing as any going. It never knows what to do with itself. It hasn't got no employment for its

mind, and is always in a state of vacancy. Like them Polar bears in the wildbeast shows as is constantly

anodding their heads from side to side, it never CAN be quiet. Which is entirely owing to its uncommon

'It's as much of me as is left, sir, after a fortnight of this work,' Mr Tapley replied, 'What with leading the life

of a fly, ever since I've been aboardfor I've been perpetually holdingon to something or other in a

upsidedown positionwhat with that, sir, and putting a very little into myself, and taking a good deal out of

myself, there an't too much of me to swear by. How do you find yourself this morning, sir?'

'Very miserable,' said Martin, with a peevish groan. 'Ugh. This is wretched, indeed!'

'Creditable,' muttered Mark, pressing one hand upon his aching head and looking round him with a rueful

grin. 'That's the great comfort. It IS creditable to keep up one's spirits here. Virtue's its own reward. So's

Mark was so far right that unquestionably any man who retained his cheerfulness among the steerage

accommodations of that noble and fastsailing lineofpacket ship, 'THE SCREW,' was solely indebted to

his own resources, and shipped his good humour, like his provisions, without any contribution or assistance

from the owners. A dark, low, stifling cabin, surrounded by berths all filled to overflowing with men, women,

and children, in various stages of sickness and misery, is not the liveliest place of assembly at any time; but

when it is so crowded (as the steerage cabin of the Screw was, every passage out), that mattresses and beds

are heaped upon the floor, to the extinction of everything like comfort, cleanliness, and decency, it is liable to

operate not only as a pretty strong banner against amiability of temper, but as a positive encourager of selfish

and rough humours. Mark felt this, as he sat looking about him; and his spirits rose proportionately.

There were English people, Irish people, Welsh people, and Scotch people there; all with their little store of

coarse food and shabby clothes; and nearly all with their families of children. There were children of all ages;

from the baby at the breast, to the slattern girl who was as much a grown woman as her mother. Every kind

of domestic suffering that is bred in poverty, illness, banishment, sorrow, and long travel in bad weather, was

crammed into the little space; and yet was there infinitely less of complaint and querulousness, and infinitely

more of mutual assistance and general kindness to be found in that unwholesome ark, than in many brilliant

Mark looked about him wistfully, and his face brightened as he looked. Here an old grandmother was

crooning over a sick child, and rocking it to and fro, in arms hardly more wasted than its own young limbs;

here a poor woman with an infant in her lap, mended another little creature's clothes, and quieted another who

was creeping up about her from their scanty bed upon the floor. Here were old men awkwardly engaged in

little household offices, wherein they would have been ridiculous but for their goodwill and kind purpose;

and here were swarthy fellowsgiants in their waydoing such little acts of tenderness for those about

them, as might have belonged to gentlesthearted dwarfs. The very idiot in the corner who sat mowing there,

all day, had his faculty of imitation roused by what he saw about him; and snapped his fingers to amuse a

'Now, then,' said Mark, nodding to a woman who was dressing her three children at no great distance from

himand the grin upon his face had by this time spread from ear to ear'Hand over one of them young 'uns

'I wish you'd get breakfast, Mark, instead of worrying with people who don't belong to you,' observed Martin,

'All right,' said Mark. 'SHE'll do that. It's a fair division of labour, sir. I wash her boys, and she makes our tea.

The woman, who was delicate and ill, felt and understood his kindness, as well she might, for she had been

covered every night with his greatcoat, while he had for his own bed the bare boards and a rug. But Martin,

who seldom got up or looked about him, was quite incensed by the folly of this speech, and expressed his

'So it is, certainly,' said Mark, brushing the child's hair as coolly as if he had been born and bred a barber.

'What you said,' replied Mark; 'or what you meant, when you gave that there dismal vent to your feelings. I

'Making the voyage by herself along with these young impediments here, and going such a way at such a time

of the year to join her husband. If you don't want to be driven mad with yellow soap in your eye, young man,'

said Mr Tapley to the second urchin, who was by this time under his hands at the basin, 'you'd better shut it.'

'Why, I'm very much afraid,' said Mr Tapley, in a low voice, 'that she don't know. I hope she mayn't miss

him. But she sent her last letter by hand, and it don't seem to have been very clearly understood between 'em

without it, and if she don't see him awaving his pockethandkerchief on the shore, like a pictur out of a

'Why, how, in Folly's name, does the woman come to be on board ship on such a wildgoose venture!' cried

Mr Tapley glanced at him for a moment as he lay prostrate in his berth, and then said, very quietly:

'Ah! How indeed! I can't think! He's been away from her for two year; she's been very poor and lonely in her

own country; and has always been alooking forward to meeting him. It's very strange she should be here.

Quite amazing! A little mad perhaps! There can't be no other way of accounting for it.'

Martin was too far gone in the lassitude of seasickness to make any reply to these words, or even to attend

to them as they were spoken. And the subject of their discourse returning at this crisis with some hot tea,

effectually put a stop to any resumption of the theme by Mr Tapley; who, when the meal was over and he had

adjusted Martin's bed, went up on deck to wash the breakfast service, which consisted of two halfpint tin

It is due to Mark Tapley to state that he suffered at least as much from seasickness as any man, woman, or

child, on board; and that he had a peculiar faculty of knocking himself about on the smallest provocation, and

losing his legs at every lurch of the ship. But resolved, in his usual phrase, to 'come out strong' under

disadvantageous circumstances, he was the life and soul of the steerage, and made no more of stopping in the

middle of a facetious conversation to go away and be excessively ill by himself, and afterwards come back in

the very best and gayest of tempers to resume it, than if such a course of proceeding had been the commonest

It cannot be said that as his illness wore off, his cheerfulness and good nature increased, because they would

hardly admit of augmentation; but his usefulness among the weaker members of the party was much

enlarged; and at all times and seasons there he was exerting it. If a gleam of sun shone out of the dark sky,

down Mark tumbled into the cabin, and presently up he came again with a woman in his arms, or

halfadozen children, or a man, or a bed, or a saucepan, or a basket, or something animate or inanimate, that

he thought would be the better for the air. If an hour or two of fine weather in the middle of the day tempted

those who seldom or never came on deck at other times to crawl into the longboat, or lie down upon the

spare spars, and try to eat, there, in the centre of the group, was Mr Tapley, handing about salt beef and

biscuit, or dispensing tastes of grog, or cutting up the children's provisions with his pocketknife, for their

greater ease and comfort, or reading aloud from a venerable newspaper, or singing some roaring old song to a

select party, or writing the beginnings of letters to their friends at home for people who couldn't write, or

cracking jokes with the crew, or nearly getting blown over the side, or emerging, halfdrowned, from a

shower of spray, or lending a hand somewhere or other; but always doing something for the general

entertainment. At night, when the cookingfire was lighted on the deck, and the driving sparks that flew

among the rigging, and the clouds of sails, seemed to menace the ship with certain annihilation by fire, in

case the elements of air and water failed to compass her destruction; there, again, was Mr Tapley, with his

coat off and his shirtsleeves turned up to his elbows, doing all kinds of culinary offices; compounding the

strangest dishes; recognized by every one as an established authority; and helping all parties to achieve

something which, left to themselves, they never could have done, and never would have dreamed of. In short,

there never was a more popular character than Mark Tapley became, on board that noble and fast sailing

lineofpacket ship, the Screw; and he attained at last to such a pitch of universal admiration, that he began

to have grave doubts within himself whether a man might reasonably claim any credit for being jolly under

'If this was going to last,' said Tapley, 'there'd be no great difference as I can perceive, between the Screw and

the Dragon. I never am to get credit, I think. I begin to be afraid that the Fates is determined to make the

'Well, Mark,' said Martin, near whose berth he had ruminated to this effect. 'When will this be over?'

'Another week, they say, sir,' returned Mark, 'will most likely bring us into port. The ship's agoing along at

present, as sensible as a ship can, sir; though I don't mean to say as that's any very high praise.'

'And be seen by the ladies and gentlemen on the afterdeck,' returned Martin, with a scronful emphasis upon

the words, 'mingling with the beggarly crowd that are stowed away in this vile hole. I should be greatly the

'I'm thankful that I can't say from my own experience what the feelings of a gentleman may be,' said Mark,

'but I should have thought, sir, as a gentleman would feel a deal more uncomfortable down here than up in the

fresh air, especially when the ladies and gentlemen in the aftercabin know just as much about him as he

does about them, and are likely to trouble their heads about him in the same proportion. I should have thought

'I tell you, then,' rejoined Martin, 'you would have thought wrong, and do think wrong.'

'As to lying here,' cried Martin, raising himself on his elbow, and looking angrily at his follower. 'Do you

'All the madhouses in the world,' said Mr Tapley, 'couldn't produce such a maniac as the man must be who

'Then why are you forever goading and urging me to get up?' asked Martin, 'I lie here because I don't wish to

be recognized, in the better days to which I aspire, by any purseproud citizen, as the man who came over

with him among the steerage passengers. I lie here because I wish to conceal my circumstances and myself,

and not to arrive in a new world badged and ticketed as an utterly poverty stricken man. If I could have

afforded a passage in the aftercabin I should have held up my head with the rest. As I couldn't I hide it. Do

'I am very sorry, sir,' said Mark. 'I didn't know you took it so much to heart as this comes to.'

'Of course you didn't know,' returned his master. 'How should you know, unless I told you? It's no trial to

you, Mark, to make yourself comfortable and to bustle about. It's as natural for you to do so under the

circumstances as it is for me not to do so. Why, you don't suppose there is a living creature in this ship who

can by possibility have half so much to undergo on board of her as I have? Do you?' he asked, sitting upright

in his berth and looking at Mark, with an expression of great earnestness not unmixed with wonder.

Mark twisted his face into a tight knot, and with his head very much on one side, pondered upon this question

as if he felt it an extremely difficult one to answer. He was relieved from his embarrassment by Martin

himself, who said, as he stretched himself upon his back again and resumed the book he had been reading:

'But what is the use of my putting such a case to you, when the very essence of what I have been saying is,

that you cannot by possibility understand it! Make me a little brandyandwatercold and very weakand

give me a biscuit, and tell your friend, who is a nearer neighbour of ours than I could wish, to try and keep

her children a little quieter tonight than she did last night; that's a good fellow.'

Mr Tapley set himself to obey these orders with great alacrity, and pending their execution, it may be

presumed his flagging spirits revived; inasmuch as he several times observed, below his breath, that in

respect of its power of imparting a credit to jollity, the Screw unquestionably had some decided advantages

over the Dragon. He also remarked that it was a high gratification to him to reflect that he would carry its

main excellence ashore with him, and have it constantly beside him wherever he went; but what he meant by

And now a general excitement began to prevail on board; and various predictions relative to the precise day,

and even the precise hour at which they would reach New York, were freely broached. There was infinitely

more crowding on deck and looking over the ship's side than there had been before; and an epidemic broke

out for packing up things every morning, which required unpacking again every night. Those who had any

letters to deliver, or any friends to meet, or any settled plans of going anywhere or doing anything, discussed

their prospects a hundred times a day; and as this class of passengers was very small, and the number of those

who had no prospects whatever was very large, there were plenty of listeners and few talkers. Those who had

been ill all along, got well now, and those who had been well, got better. An American gentleman in the

aftercabin, who had been wrapped up in fur and oilskin the whole passage, unexpectedly appeared in a very

shiny, tall, black hat, and constantly overhauled a very little valise of pale leather, which contained his

clothes, linen, brushes, shaving apparatus, books, trinkets, and other baggage. He likewise stuck his hands

deep into his pockets, and walked the deck with his nostrils dilated, as already inhaling the air of Freedom

which carries death to all tyrants, and can never (under any circumstances worth mentioning) be breathed by

slaves. An English gentleman who was strongly suspected of having run away from a bank, with something

in his possession belonging to its strong box besides the key, grew eloquent upon the subject of the rights of

man, and hummed the Marseillaise Hymn constantly. In a word, one great sensation pervaded the whole ship,

and the soil of America lay close before them; so close at last, that, upon a certain starlight night they took a

pilot on board, and within a few hours afterwards lay to until the morning, awaiting the arrival of a steamboat

Off she came, soon after it was light next morning, and lying alongside an hour or moreduring which

period her very firemen were objects of hardly less interest and curiosity than if they had been so many

angels, good or badtook all her living freight aboard. Among them Mark, who still had his friend and her

three children under his close protection; and Martin, who had once more dressed himself in his usual attire,

but wore a soiled, old cloak above his ordinary clothes, until such time as he should separate for ever from his

The steamerwhich, with its machinery on deck, looked, as it worked its long slim legs, like some

enormously magnified insect or antediluvian monsterdashed at great speed up a beautiful bay; and

presently they saw some heights, and islands, and a long, flat, straggling city.

'And this,' said Mr Tapley, looking far ahead, 'is the Land of Liberty, is it? Very well. I'm agreeable. Any land

Some trifling excitement prevailed upon the very brink and margin of the land of liberty; for an alderman had

been elected the day before; and Party Feeling naturally running rather high on such an exciting occasion, the

friends of the disappointed candidate had found it necessary to assert the great principles of Purity of Election

and Freedom of opinion by breaking a few legs and arms, and furthermore pursuing one obnoxious

gentleman through the streets with the design of hitting his nose. These goodhumoured little outbursts of the

popular fancy were not in themselves sufficiently remarkable to create any great stir, after the lapse of a

whole night; but they found fresh life and notoriety in the breath of the newsboys, who not only proclaimed

them with shrill yells in all the highways and byways of the town, upon the wharves and among the shipping,

but on the deck and down in the cabins of the steamboat; which, before she touched the shore, was boarded

'Here's this morning's New York Sewer!' cried one. 'Here's this morning's New York Stabber! Here's the New

York Family Spy! Here's the New York Private Listener! Here's the New York Peeper! Here's the New York

Plunderer! Here's the New York Keyhole Reporter! Here's the New York Rowdy Journal! Here's all the New

York papers! Here's full particulars of the patriotic locofoco movement yesterday, in which the whigs was so

chawed up; and the last Alabama gouging case; and the interesting Arkansas dooel with Bowie knives; and

all the Political, Commercial, and Fashionable News. Here they are! Here they are! Here's the papers, here's

'Here's the Sewer!' cried another. 'Here's the New York Sewer! Here's some of the twelfth thousand of

today's Sewer, with the best accounts of the markets, and all the shipping news, and four whole columns of

country correspondence, and a full account of the Ball at Mrs White's last night, where all the beauty and

fashion of New York was assembled; with the Sewer's own particulars of the private lives of all the ladies

that was there! Here's the Sewer! Here's some of the twelfth thousand of the New York Sewer! Here's the

Sewer's exposure of the Wall Street Gang, and the Sewer's exposure of the Washington Gang, and the

Sewer's exclusive account of a flagrant act of dishonesty committed by the Secretary of State when he was

eight years old; now communicated, at a great expense, by his own nurse. Here's the Sewer! Here's the New

York Sewer, in its twelfth thousand, with a whole column of New Yorkers to be shown up, and all their

names printed! Here's the Sewer's article upon the Judge that tried him, day afore yesterday, for libel, and the

Sewer's tribute to the independent Jury that didn't convict him, and the Sewer's account of what they might

have expected if they had! Here's the Sewer, here's the Sewer! Here's the wideawake Sewer; always on the

lookout; the leading Journal of the United States, now in its twelfth thousand, and still aprinting

'It is in such enlightened means,' said a voice almost in Martin's ear, 'that the bubbling passions of my country

Martin turned involuntarily, and saw, standing close at his side, a sallow gentleman, with sunken cheeks,

black hair, small twinkling eyes, and a singular expression hovering about that region of his face, which was

not a frown, nor a leer, and yet might have been mistaken at the first glance for either. Indeed it would have

been difficult, on a much closer acquaintance, to describe it in any more satisfactory terms than as a mixed

expression of vulgar cunning and conceit. This gentleman wore a rather broadbrimmed hat for the greater

wisdom of his appearance; and had his arms folded for the greater impressiveness of his attitude. He was

somewhat shabbily dressed in a blue surtout reaching nearly to his ankles, short loose trousers of the same

colour, and a faded buff waistcoat, through which a discoloured shirtfrill struggled to force itself into notice,

as asserting an equality of civil rights with the other portions of his dress, and maintaining a declaration of

Independence on its own account. His feet, which were of unusually large proportions, were leisurely crossed

before him as he half leaned against, half sat upon, the steamboat's bulwark; and his thick cane, shod with a

mighty ferule at one end and armed with a great metal knob at the other, depended from a lineandtassel on

his wrist. Thus attired, and thus composed into an aspect of great profundity, the gentleman twitched up the

righthand corner of his mouth and his right eye simultaneously, and said, once more:

'It is in such enlightened means that the bubbling passions of my country find a vent.'

As he looked at Martin, and nobody else was by, Martin inclined his head, and said:

'To the Palladium of rational Liberty at home, sir, and the dread of Foreign oppression abroad,' returned the

gentleman, as he pointed with his cane to an uncommonly dirty newsboy with one eye. 'To the Envy of the

world, sir, and the leaders of Human Civilization. Let me ask you sir,' he added, bringing the ferule of his

stick heavily upon the deck with the air of a man who must not be equivocated with, 'how do you like my

'I am hardly prepared to answer that question yet,' said Martin 'seeing that I have not been ashore.'

'Well, I should expect you were not prepared, sir,' said the gentleman, 'to behold such signs of National

He pointed to the vessels lying at the wharves; and then gave a vague flourish with his stick, as if he would

The gentleman glanced at him with a knowing look, and said he liked his policy. It was natural, he said, and

'You have brought, I see, sir,' he said, turning round towards Martin, and resting his chin on the top of his

stick, 'the usual amount of misery and poverty and ignorance and crime, to be located in the bosom of the

great Republic. Well, sir! let 'em come on in shiploads from the old country. When vessels are about to

founder, the rats are said to leave 'em. There is considerable of truth, I find, in that remark.'

'The old ship will keep afloat a year or two longer yet, perhaps,' said Martin with a smile, partly occasioned

by what the gentleman said, and partly by his manner of saying it, which was odd enough for he emphasised

all the small words and syllables in his discourse, and left the others to take care of themselves; as if he

thought the larger parts of speech could be trusted alone, but the little ones required to be constantly looked

'Hope is said by the poet, sir,' observed the gentleman, 'to be the nurse of young Desire.'

Martin signified that he had heard of the cardinal virtue in question serving occasionally in that domestic

'She will not rear her infant in the present instance, sir, you'll find,' observed the gentleman.

'Really,' said Martin laughing, 'I can't satisfy you in that particular, for I don't know it myself.'

The gentleman adjusted his cane under his left arm, and took a more deliberate and complete survey of

Martin than he had yet had leisure to make. When he had completed his inspection, he put out his right hand,

Martin received the communication with that degree of respect which an announcement so distinguished

'The New York Rowdy Journal, sir,' resumed the colonel, 'is, as I expect you know, the organ of our

'Oh! there IS an aristocracy here, then?' said Martin. 'Of what is it composed?'

'Of intelligence, sir,' replied the colonel; 'of intelligence and virtue. And of their necessary consequence in

Martin was very glad to hear this, feeling well assured that if intelligence and virtue led, as a matter of course,

to the acquisition of dollars, he would speedily become a great capitalist. He was about to express the

gratification such news afforded him, when he was interrupted by the captain of the ship, who came up at the

moment to shake hands with the colonel; and who, seeing a welldressed stranger on the deck (for Martin

had thrown aside his cloak), shook hands with him also. This was an unspeakable relief to Martin, who, in

spite of the acknowledged supremacy of Intelligence and virtue in that happy country, would have been

deeply mortified to appear before Colonel Diver in the poor character of a steerage passenger.

'Well colonel,' cried the captain. 'You're looking most uncommon bright, sir. I can hardly realise its being

'Well now! It was a pretty spanking run, sir,' said, or rather sung, the captain, who was a genuine New

'Well! It was, sir,' said the captain. 'I've just now sent a boy up to your office with the passengerlist, colonel.'

'You haven't got another boy to spare, p'raps, cap'en?' said the colonel, in a tone almost amounting to severity.

'One moderate big 'un could convey a dozen champagne, perhaps,' observed the colonel, musing, 'to my

'It's very nigh, you know,' observed the colonel. 'I'm glad it was a spanking run, cap'en. Don't mind about

quarts if you're short of 'em. The boy can as well bring fourandtwenty pints, and travel twice as once.A

'I admire at your good fortun, cap'en. You might loan me a corkscrew at the same time, and halfadozen

glasses if you liked. However bad the elements combine against my country's noble packetship, the Screw,

sir,' said the colonel, turning to Martin, and drawing a flourish on the surface of the deck with his cane, 'her

The captain, who had the Sewer below at that moment, lunching expensively in one cabin, while the amiable

Stabber was drinking himself into a state of blind madness in another, took a cordial leave of his friend the

colonel, and hurried away to dispatch the champagne; well knowing (as it afterwards appeared) that if he

failed to conciliate the editor of the Rowdy Journal, that potentate would denounce him and his ship in large

capitals before he was a day older; and would probably assault the memory of his mother also, who had not

been dead more than twenty years. The colonel being again left alone with Martin, checked him as he was

moving away, and offered in consideration of his being an Englishman, to show him the town and to

introduce him, if such were his desire, to a genteel boardinghouse. But before they entered on these

proceedings (he said), he would beseech the honour of his company at the office of the Rowdy Journal, to

All this was so extremely kind and hospitable, that Martin, though it was quite early in the morning, readily

acquiesced. So, instructing Mark, who was deeply engaged with his friend and her three children, that when

he had done assisting them, and had cleared the baggage, he was to wait for further orders at the Rowdy

They made their way as they best could through the melancholy crowd of emigrants upon the wharf, who,

grouped about their beds and boxes, with the bare ground below them and the bare sky above, might have

fallen from another planet, for anything they knew of the country; and walked for some short distance along a

busy street, bounded on one side by the quays and shipping; and on the other by a long row of staring

redbrick storehouses and offices, ornamented with more black boards and white letters, and more white

boards and black letters, than Martin had ever seen before, in fifty times the space. Presently they turned up a

narrow street, and presently into other narrow streets, until at last they stopped before a house whereon was

The colonel, who had walked the whole way with one hand in his breast, his head occasionally wagging from

side to side, and his hat thrown back upon his ears, like a man who was oppressed to inconvenience by a

sense of his own greatness, led the way up a dark and dirty flight of stairs into a room of similar character, all

littered and bestrewn with odds and ends of newspapers and other crumpled fragments, both in proof and

manuscript. Behind a mangy old writingtable in this apartment sat a figure with a stump of a pen in its

mouth and a great pair of scissors in its right hand, clipping and slicing at a file of Rowdy Journals; and it

was such a laughable figure that Martin had some difficulty in preserving his gravity, though conscious of the

The individual who sat clipping and slicing as aforesaid at the Rowdy Journals, was a small young gentleman

of very juvenile appearance, and unwholesomely pale in the face; partly, perhaps, from intense thought, but

partly, there is no doubt, from the excessive use of tobacco, which he was at that moment chewing

vigorously. He wore his shirtcollar turned down over a black ribbon; and his lank hair, a fragile crop, was

not only smoothed and parted back from his brow, that none of the Poetry of his aspect might be lost, but had,

here and there, been grubbed up by the roots; which accounted for his loftiest developments being somewhat

pimply. He had that order of nose on which the envy of mankind has bestowed the appellation 'snub,' and it

was very much turned up at the end, as with a lofty scorn. Upon the upper lip of this young gentleman were

tokens of a sandy down; so very, very smooth and scant, that, though encouraged to the utmost, it looked

more like a recent trace of gingerbread than the fair promise of a moustache; and this conjecture, his

apparently tender age went far to strengthen. He was intent upon his work. Every time he snapped the great

pair of scissors, he made a corresponding motion with his jaws, which gave him a very terrible appearance.

Martin was not long in determining within himself that this must be Colonel Diver's son; the hope of the

family, and future mainspring of the Rowdy Journal. Indeed he had begun to say that he presumed this was

the colonel's little boy, and that it was very pleasant to see him playing at Editor in all the guilelessness of

Martin could not help starting at this unexpected announcement, and the consciousness of the irretrievable

Mr Brick seemed pleased with the sensation he produced upon the stranger, and shook hands with him, with

an air of patronage designed to reassure him, and to let him blow that there was no occasion to be frightened,

'You have heard of Jefferson Brick, I see, sir,' quoth the colonel, with a smile. 'England has heard of Jefferson

Brick. Europe has heard of Jefferson Brick. Let me see. When did you leave England, sir?'

'Five weeks ago,' repeated the colonel, thoughtfully; as he took his seat upon the table, and swung his legs.

'Now let me ask you, sir which of Mr Brick's articles had become at that time the most obnoxious to the

'I have reason to know, sir,' interrupted the colonel, 'that the aristocratic circles of your country quail before

the name of Jefferson Brick. I should like to be informed, sir, from your lips, which of his sentiments has

'At the hundred heads of the Hydra of Corruption now grovelling in the dust beneath the lance of Reason, and

spouting up to the universal arch above us, its sanguinary gore,' said Mr Brick, putting on a little blue cloth

'Must sometimes be quaffed in blood, colonel,' cried Brick. And when he said 'blood,' he gave the great

pair of scissors a sharp snap, as if THEY said blood too, and were quite of his opinion.

'Upon my life,' said Martin, who had by this time quite recovered his usual coolness, 'I can't give you any

'Stop!' cried the colonel, glancing sternly at his war correspondent and giving his head one shake after every

sentence. 'That you never heard of Jefferson Brick, sir. That you never read Jefferson Brick, sir. That you

never saw the Rowdy Journal, sir. That you never knew, sir, of its mighty influence upon the cabinets of

'Keep cool, Jefferson,' said the colonel gravely. 'Don't bust! oh you Europeans! After that, let's have a glass of

wine!' So saying, he got down from the table, and produced, from a basket outside the door, a bottle of

'Mr Jefferson Brick, sir,' said the colonel, filling Martin's glass and his own, and pushing the bottle to that

'Well, sir!' cried the war correspondent, 'Since you have concluded to call upon me, I will respond. I will give

you, sir, The Rowdy Journal and its brethren; the well of Truth, whose waters are black from being composed

of printers' ink, but are quite clear enough for my country to behold the shadow of her Destiny reflected in.'

'Hear, hear!' cried the colonel, with great complacency. 'There are flowery components, sir, in the language of

'There is today's Rowdy, sir,' observed the colonel, handing him a paper. 'You'll find Jefferson Brick at his

The colonel was by this time seated on the table again. Mr Brick also took up a position on that same piece of

furniture; and they fell to drinking pretty hard. They often looked at Martin as he read the paper, and then at

each other. When he laid it down, which was not until they had finished a second bottle, the colonel asked

'If I may judge from this specimen,' returned Martin, 'there must be a few thousands here, rather the reverse

'Well! They yield to the popular mind of the Popular Instructor, sir,' said the colonel. 'They rile up,

sometimes; but in general we have a hold upon our citizens, both in public and in private life, which is as

'Pray,' said Martin, after some hesitation, 'may I venture to ask, with reference to a case I observe in this

paper of yours, whether the Popular Instructor often deals inI am at a loss to express it without giving you

offencein forgery? In forged letters, for instance,' he pursued, for the colonel was perfectly calm and quite

at his ease, 'solemnly purporting to have been written at recent periods by living men?'

Mr Jefferson Brick expectorated and laughed; the former copiously, the latter approvingly.

'Buy 'em by hundreds of thousands,' resumed the colonel. 'We are a smart people here, and can appreciate

'Well!' said the colonel, 'I expect it's American for a good many things that you call by other names. But you

'And do, sometimes,' thought Martin. 'You help yourselves with very little ceremony, too!'

'At all events, whatever name we choose to employ,' said the colonel, stooping down to roll the third empty

bottle into a corner after the other two, 'I suppose the art of forgery was not invented here sir?'

'Well!' said the colonel; 'then we got it all from the old country, and the old country's to blame for it, and not

the new 'un. There's an end of THAT. Now, if Mr Jefferson Brick and you will be so good as to clear, I'll

Rightly interpreting this as the signal for their departure, Martin walked downstairs after the war

correspondent, who preceded him with great majesty. The colonel following, they left the Rowdy Journal

Office and walked forth into the streets; Martin feeling doubtful whether he ought to kick the colonel for

having presumed to speak to him, or whether it came within the bounds of possibility that he and his

It was clear that Colonel Diver, in the security of his strong position, and in his perfect understanding of the

public sentiment, cared very little what Martin or anybody else thought about him. His highspiced wares

were made to sell, and they sold; and his thousands of readers could as rationally charge their delight in filth

upon him, as a glutton can shift upon his cook the responsibility of his beastly excess. Nothing would have

delighted the colonel more than to be told that no such man as he could walk in high success the streets of

any other country in the world; for that would only have been a logical assurance to him of the correct

adaptation of his labours to the prevailing taste, and of his being strictly and peculiarly a national feature of

They walked a mile or more along a handsome street which the colonel said was called Broadway, and which

Mr Jefferson Brick said 'whipped the universe.' Turning, at length, into one of the numerous streets which

branched from this main thoroughfare, they stopped before a rather meanlooking house with jalousie blinds

to every window; a flight of steps before the green streetdoor; a shining white ornament on the rails on

either side like a petrified pineapple, polished; a little oblong plate of the same material over the knocker

whereon the name of 'Pawkins' was engraved; and four accidental pigs looking down the area.

The colonel knocked at this house with the air of a man who lived there; and an Irish girl popped her head out

of one of the top windows to see who it was. Pending her journey downstairs, the pigs were joined by two or

three friends from the next street, in company with whom they lay down sociably in the gutter.

'Is it the master, sir?' returned the girl, with a hesitation which seemed to imply that they were rather flush of

'The master!' said Colonel Diver, stopping short and looking round at his war correspondent.

'Oh! The depressing institutions of that British empire, colonel!' said Jefferson Brick. 'Master!'

'I should hope it was never heard in our country, sir; that's all,' said Jefferson Brick; 'except when it is used by

some degraded Help, as new to the blessings of our form of government, as this Help is. There are no masters

Mr Jefferson Brick followed in the Rowdy Journal's footsteps without returning any answer. Martin took the

same course, thinking as he went, that perhaps the free and independent citizens, who in their moral

elevation, owned the colonel for their master, might render better homage to the goddess, Liberty, in nightly

The colonel led the way into a room at the back of the house upon the groundfloor, light, and of fair

dimensions, but exquisitely uncomfortable; having nothing in it but the four cold white walls and ceiling, a

mean carpet, a dreary waste of diningtable reaching from end to end, and a bewildering collection of

canebottomed chairs. In the further region of this banquetinghall was a stove, garnished on either side with

a great brass spittoon, and shaped in itself like three little iron barrels set up on end in a fender, and joined

together on the principle of the Siamese Twins. Before it, swinging himself in a rockingchair, lounged a

large gentleman with his hat on, who amused himself by spitting alternately into the spittoon on the right

hand of the stove, and the spittoon on the left, and then working his way back again in the same order. A

negro lad in a soiled white jacket was busily engaged in placing on the table two long rows of knives and

forks, relieved at intervals by jugs of water; and as he travelled down one side of this festive board, he

straightened with his dirty hands the dirtier cloth, which was all askew, and had not been removed since

breakfast. The atmosphere of this room was rendered intensely hot and stifling by the stove; but being further

flavoured by a sickly gush of soup from the kitchen, and by such remote suggestions of tobacco as lingered

within the brazen receptacles already mentioned, it became, to a stranger's senses, almost insupportable.

The gentleman in the rockingchair having his back towards them, and being much engaged in his

intellectual pastime, was not aware of their approach until the colonel, walking up to the stove, contributed

his mite towards the support of the lefthand spittoon, just as the majorfor it was the majorbore down

upon it. Major Pawkins then reserved his fire, and looking upward, said, with a peculiar air of quiet

weariness, like a man who had been up all nightan air which Martin had already observed both in the

'Here is a gentleman from England, major,' the colonel replied, 'who has concluded to locate himself here if

'I am glad to see you, sir,' observed the major, shaking hands with Martin, and not moving a muscle of his

'You are never likely to be,' returned the major. 'You will see the sun shine HERE.'

'I think I remember to have seen it shine at home sometimes,' said Martin, smiling.

'I think not,' replied the major. He said so with a stoical indifference certainly, but still in a tone of firmness

which admitted of no further dispute on that point. When he had thus settled the question, he put his hat a

little on one side for the greater convenience of scratching his head, and saluted Mr Jefferson Brick with a

Major Pawkins (a gentleman of Pennsylvanian origin) was distinguished by a very large skull, and a great

mass of yellow forehead; in deference to which commodities it was currently held in barrooms and other

such places of resort that the major was a man of huge sagacity. He was further to be known by a heavy eye

and a dull slow manner; and for being a man of that kind whomentally speakingrequires a deal of room

to turn himself in. But, in trading on his stock of wisdom, he invariably proceeded on the principle of putting

all the goods he had (and more) into his window; and that went a great way with his constituency of admirers.

It went a great way, perhaps, with Mr Jefferson Brick, who took occasion to whisper in Martin's ear:

It must not be supposed, however, that the perpetual exhibition in the marketplace of all his stockintrade

for sale or hire, was the major's sole claim to a very large share of sympathy and support. He was a great

politician; and the one article of his creed, in reference to all public obligations involving the good faith and

integrity of his country, was, 'run a moist pen slick through everything, and start fresh.' This made him a

patriot. In commercial affairs he was a bold speculator. In plainer words he had a most distinguished genius

for swindling, and could start a bank, or negotiate a loan, or form a landjobbing company (entailing ruin,

pestilence, and death, on hundreds of families), with any gifted creature in the Union. This made him an

admirable man of business. He could hang about a barroom, discussing the affairs of the nation, for twelve

hours together; and in that time could hold forth with more intolerable dulness, chew more tobacco, smoke

more tobacco, drink more rumtoddy, mintjulep, ginsling, and cocktail, than any private gentleman of his

acquaintance. This made him an orator and a man of the people. In a word, the major was a rising character,

and a popular character, and was in a fair way to be sent by the popular party to the State House of New

York, if not in the end to Washington itself. But as a man's private prosperity does not always keep pace with

his patriotic devotion to public affairs; and as fraudulent transactions have their downs as well as ups, the

major was occasionally under a cloud. Hence, just now Mrs Pawkins kept a boardinghouse, and Major

'You have come to visit our country, sir, at a season of great commercial depression,' said the major.

Martin knew nothing about America, or he would have known perfectly well that if its individual citizens, to

a man, are to be believed, it always IS depressed, and always IS stagnated, and always IS at an alarming

crisis, and never was otherwise; though as a body they are ready to make oath upon the Evangelists at any

hour of the day or night, that it is the most thriving and prosperous of all countries on the habitable globe.

'Well!' returned the major, 'I expect we shall get along somehow, and come right in the end.'

'We have revivifying and vigorous principles within ourselves,' observed the major. 'Shall we drink a bitter

The colonel assenting to this proposal with great alacrity, Major Pawkins proposed an adjournment to a

neighbouring barroom, which, as he observed, was 'only in the next block.' He then referred Martin to Mrs

Pawkins for all particulars connected with the rate of board and lodging, and informed him that he would

have the pleasure of seeing that lady at dinner, which would soon be ready, as the dinner hour was two

o'clock, and it only wanted a quarter now. This reminded him that if the bitter were to be taken at all, there

was no time to lose; so he walked off without more ado, and left them to follow if they thought proper.

When the major rose from his rockingchair before the stove, and so disturbed the hot air and balmy whiff of

soup which fanned their brows, the odour of stale tobacco became so decidedly prevalent as to leave no doubt

of its proceeding mainly from that gentleman's attire. Indeed, as Martin walked behind him to the barroom,

he could not help thinking that the great square major, in his listlessness and langour, looked very much like a

stale weed himself; such as might be hoed out of the public garden, with great advantage to the decent growth

They encountered more weeds in the barroom, some of whom (being thirsty souls as well as dirty) were

pretty stale in one sense, and pretty fresh in another. Among them was a gentleman who, as Martin gathered

from the conversation that took place over the bitter, started that afternoon for the Far West on a six months'

business tour, and who, as his outfit and equipment for this journey, had just such another shiny hat and just

such another little pale valise as had composed the luggage of the gentleman who came from England in the

They were walking back very leisurely; Martin arminarm with Mr Jefferson Brick, and the major and the

colonel sidebyside before them; when, as they came within a house or two of the major's residence, they

heard a bell ringing violently. The instant this sound struck upon their ears, the colonel and the major darted

off, dashed up the steps and in at the streetdoor (which stood ajar) like lunatics; while Mr Jefferson Brick,

detaching his arm from Martin's, made a precipitate dive in the same direction, and vanished also.

'Good Heaven!' thought Martin. 'The premises are on fire! It was an alarm bell!'

But there was no smoke to be seen, nor any flame, nor was there any smell of fire. As Martin faltered on the

pavement, three more gentlemen, with horror and agitation depicted in their faces, came plunging wildly

round the street corner; jostled each other on the steps; struggled for an instant; and rushed into the house, a

confused heap of arms and legs. Unable to bear it any longer, Martin followed. Even in his rapid progress he

was run down, thrust aside, and passed, by two more gentlemen, stark mad, as it appeared, with fierce

'Where is it?' cried Martin, breathlessly, to a negro whom he encountered in the passage.

Martin started at him for a moment, and burst into a hearty laugh; to which the negro, out of his natural good

humour and desire to please, so heartily responded, that his teeth shone like a gleam of light. 'You're the

pleasantest fellow I have seen yet,' said Martin clapping him on the back, 'and give me a better appetite than

With this sentiment he walked into the diningroom and slipped into a chair next the colonel, which that

gentleman (by this time nearly through his dinner) had turned down in reserve for him, with its back against

It was a numerous companyeighteen or twenty perhaps. Of these some five or six were ladies, who sat

wedged together in a little phalanx by themselves. All the knives and forks were working away at a rate that

was quite alarming; very few words were spoken; and everybody seemed to eat his utmost in selfdefence, as

if a famine were expected to set in before breakfast time tomorrow morning, and it had become high time to

assert the first law of nature. The poultry, which may perhaps be considered to have formed the staple of the

entertainmentfor there was a turkey at the top, a pair of ducks at the bottom, and two fowls in the

middledisappeared as rapidly as if every bird had had the use of its wings, and had flown in desperation

down a human throat. The oysters, stewed and pickled, leaped from their capacious reservoirs, and slid by

scores into the mouths of the assembly. The sharpest pickles vanished, whole cucumbers at once, like

sugarplums, and no man winked his eye. Great heaps of indigestible matter melted away as ice before the

sun. It was a solemn and an awful thing to see. Dyspeptic individuals bolted their food in wedges; feeding,

not themselves, but broods of nightmares, who were continually standing at livery within them. Spare men,

with lank and rigid cheeks, came out unsatisfied from the destruction of heavy dishes, and glared with

watchful eyes upon the pastry. What Mrs Pawkins felt each day at dinnertime is hidden from all human

When the colonel had finished his dinner, which event took place while Martin, who had sent his plate for

some turkey, was waiting to begin, he asked him what he thought of the boarders, who were from all parts of

'Pray,' said Martin, 'who is that sickly little girl opposite, with the tight round eyes? I don't see anybody here,

'Do you mean the matron in blue, sir?' asked the colonel, with emphasis. 'That is Mrs Jefferson Brick, sir.'

'No, no,' said Martin, 'I mean the little girl, like a doll; directly opposite.'

'Bless my soul! I suppose there will be a young Brick then, one of these days?' said Martin.

The matron looked so uncommonly like a child herself, that Martin could not help saying as much. 'Yes, sir,'

returned the colonel, 'but some institutions develop human natur; others retard it.'

'Jefferson Brick,' he observed after a short silence, in commendation of his correspondent, 'is one of the most

This had passed almost in a whisper, for the distinguished gentleman alluded to sat on Martin's other hand.

'Pray, Mr Brick,' said Martin, turning to him, and asking a question more for conversation's sake than from

any feeling of interest in its subject, 'who is that;' he was going to say 'young' but thought it prudent to eschew

'He is a man of fine moral elements, sir, and not commonly endowed,' said the war correspondent. 'He felt it

necessary, at the last election for President, to repudiate and denounce his father, who voted on the wrong

interest. He has since written some powerful pamphlets, under the signature of "Suturb," or Brutus reversed.

Pursuing his inquiries Martin found that there were no fewer than four majors present, two colonels, one

general, and a captain, so that he could not help thinking how strongly officered the American militia must

be; and wondering very much whether the officers commanded each other; or if they did not, where on earth

the privates came from. There seemed to be no man there without a title; for those who had not attained to

military honours were either doctors, professors, or reverends. Three very hard and disagreeable gentlemen

were on missions from neighbouring States; one on monetary affairs, one on political, one on sectarian.

Among the ladies, there were Mrs Pawkins, who was very straight, bony, and silent; and a wiryfaced old

damsel, who held strong sentiments touching the rights of women, and had diffused the same in lectures; but

the rest were strangely devoid of individual traits of character, insomuch that any one of them might have

changed minds with the other, and nobody would have found it out. These, by the way, were the only

members of the party who did not appear to be among the most remarkable people in the country.

Several of the gentlemen got up, one by one, and walked off as they swallowed their last morsel; pausing

generally by the stove for a minute or so to refresh themselves at the brass spittoons. A few sedentary

characters, however, remained at table full a quarter of an hour, and did not rise until the ladies rose, when all

'Is there no dessert, or other interval of conversation?' asked Martin, who was disposed to enjoy himself after

So the ladies passed out in single file; Mr Jefferson Brick and such other married gentlemen as were left,

acknowledging the departure of their other halves by a nod; and there was an end of THEM. Martin thought

this an uncomfortable custom, but he kept his opinion to himself for the present, being anxious to hear, and

inform himself by, the conversation of the busy gentlemen, who now lounged about the stove as if a great

weight had been taken off their minds by the withdrawal of the other sex; and who made a plentiful use of the

It was rather barren of interest, to say the truth; and the greater part of it may be summed up in one word.

Dollars. All their cares, hopes, joys, affections, virtues, and associations, seemed to be melted down into

dollars. Whatever the chance contributions that fell into the slow cauldron of their talk, they made the gruel

thick and slab with dollars. Men were weighed by their dollars, measures gauged by their dollars; life was

auctioneered, appraised, put up, and knocked down for its dollars. The next respectable thing to dollars was

any venture having their attainment for its end. The more of that worthless ballast, honour and fairdealing,

which any man cast overboard from the ship of his Good Name and Good Intent, the more ample

stowageroom he had for dollars. Make commerce one huge lie and mighty theft. Deface the banner of the

nation for an idle rag; pollute it star by star; and cut out stripe by stripe as from the arm of a degraded soldier.

One who rides at all hazards of limb and life in the chase of a fox, will prefer to ride recklessly at most times.

So it was with these gentlemen. He was the greatest patriot, in their eyes, who brawled the loudest, and who

cared the least for decency. He was their champion who, in the brutal fury of his own pursuit, could cast no

stigma upon them for the hot knavery of theirs. Thus, Martin learned in the five minutes' straggling talk about

the stove, that to carry pistols into legislative assemblies, and swords in sticks, and other such peaceful toys;

to seize opponents by the throat, as dogs or rats might do; to bluster, bully, and overbear by personal

assailment; were glowing deeds. Not thrusts and stabs at Freedom, striking far deeper into her House of Life

than any sultan's scimitar could reach; but rare incense on her altars, having a grateful scent in patriotic

Once or twice, when there was a pause, Martin asked such questions as naturally occurred to him, being a

stranger, about the national poets, the theatre, literature, and the arts. But the information which these

gentlemen were in a condition to give him on such topics, did not extend beyond the effusions of such

masterspirits of the time as Colonel Diver, Mr Jefferson Brick, and others; renowned, as it appeared, for

excellence in the achievement of a peculiar style of broadside essay called 'a screamer.'

'We are a busy people, sir,' said one of the captains, who was from the West, 'and have no time for reading

mere notions. We don't mind 'em if they come to us in newspapers along with almighty strong stuff of

Here the general, who appeared to grow quite faint at the bare thought of reading anything which was neither

mercantile nor political, and was not in a newspaper, inquired 'if any gentleman would drink some?' Most of

the company, considering this a very choice and seasonable idea, lounged out, one by one, to the barroom in

the next block. Thence they probably went to their stores and countinghouses; thence to the barroom again,

to talk once more of dollars, and enlarge their minds with the perusal and discussion of screamers; and thence

'Which would seem,' said Martin, pursuing the current of his own thoughts, 'to be the principal recreation

they enjoy in common.' With that, he fell amusing again on dollars, demagogues, and bar rooms; debating

within himself whether busy people of this class were really as busy as they claimed to be, or only had an

It was a difficult question to solve; and the mere fact of its being strongly presented to his mind by all that he

had seen and heard, was not encouraging. He sat down at the deserted board, and becoming more and more

despondent, as he thought of all the uncertainties and difficulties of his precarious situation, sighed heavily.

Now, there had been at the dinnertable a middleaged man with a dark eye and a sunburnt face, who had

attracted Martin's attention by having something very engaging and honest in the expression of his features;

but of whom he could learn nothing from either of his neighbours, who seemed to consider him quite beneath

their notice. He had taken no part in the conversation round the stove, nor had he gone forth with the rest; and

now, when he heard Martin sigh for the third or fourth time, he interposed with some casual remark, as if he

desired, without obtruding himself upon a stranger's notice, to engage him in cheerful conversation if he

could. His motive was so obvious, and yet so delicately expressed, that Martin felt really grateful to him, and

'I will not ask you,' said this gentleman with a smile, as he rose and moved towards him, 'how you like my

country, for I can quite anticipate your feeling on that point. But, as I am an American, and consequently

'You are so very frank,' returned Martin, 'that I have no hesitation in saying I don't like him at all. Though I

must add that I am beholden to him for his civility in bringing me hereand arranging for my stay, on pretty

reasonable terms, by the way,' he added, remembering that the colonel had whispered him to that effect,

'Not much beholden,' said the stranger drily. 'The colonel occasionally boards packetships, I have heard, to

glean the latest information for his journal; and he occasionally brings strangers to board here, I believe, with

a view to the little percentage which attaches to those good offices; and which the hostess deducts from his

weekly bill. I don't offend you, I hope?' he added, seeing that Martin reddened.

'My dear sir,' returned Martin, as they shook hands, 'how is that possible! to tell you the truth, Iam'

'I am rather at a loss, since I must speak plainly,' said Martin, getting the better of his hesitation, 'to know how

'Well! He has been beaten once or twice,' remarked the gentleman quietly. 'He is one of a class of men, in

whom our own Franklin, so long ago as ten years before the close of the last century, foresaw our danger and

disgrace. Perhaps you don't know that Franklin, in very severe terms, published his opinion that those who

were slandered by such fellows as this colonel, having no sufficient remedy in the administration of this

country's laws or in the decent and rightminded feeling of its people, were justified in retorting on such

'I was not aware of that,' said Martin, 'but I am very glad to know it, and I think it worthy of his memory;

'Especially,' pursued Martin, 'as I can already understand that it may have required great courage, even in his

time, to write freely on any question which was not a party one in this very free country.'

'Some courage, no doubt,' returned his new friend. 'Do you think it would require any to do so, now?'

'You are right. So very right, that I believe no satirist could breathe this air. If another Juvenal or Swift could

rise up among us tomorrow, he would be hunted down. If you have any knowledge of our literature, and can

give me the name of any man, American born and bred, who has anatomized our follies as a people, and not

as this or that party; and who has escaped the foulest and most brutal slander, the most inveterate hatred and

intolerant pursuit; it will be a strange name in my ears, believe me. In some cases I could name to you, where

a native writer has ventured on the most harmless and goodhumoured illustrations of our vices or defects, it

has been found necessary to announce, that in a second edition the passage has been expunged, or altered, or

'Think of what you have seen and heard today, beginning with the colonel,' said his friend, 'and ask yourself.

How THEY came about, is another question. Heaven forbid that they should be samples of the intelligence

and virtue of America, but they come uppermost, and in great numbers, and too often represent it. Will you

There was a cordial candour in his manner, and an engaging confidence that it would not be abused; a manly

bearing on his own part, and a simple reliance on the manly faith of a stranger; which Martin had never seen

before. He linked his arm readily in that of the American gentleman, and they walked out together.

It was perhaps to men like this, his new companion, that a traveller of honoured name, who trod those shores

now nearly forty years ago, and woke upon that soil, as many have done since, to blots and stains upon its

high pretensions, which in the brightness of his distant dreams were lost to view, appealed in these words

'Oh, but for such, Columbia's days were done; Rank without ripeness, quickened without sun, Crude at the

surface, rotten at the core, Her fruits would fall before her spring were o'er!'

It was characteristic of Martin, that all this while he had either forgotten Mark Tapley as completely as if

there had been no such person in existence, or, if for a moment the figure of that gentleman rose before his

mental vision, had dismissed it as something by no means of a pressing nature, which might be attended to

byandbye, and could wait his perfect leisure. But, being now in the streets again, it occurred to him as just

coming within the bare limits of possibility that Mr Tapley might, in course of time, grow tired of waiting on

the threshold of the Rowdy Journal Office, so he intimated to his new friend, that if they could conveniently

walk in that direction, he would be glad to get this piece of business off his mind.

'And speaking of business,' said Martin, 'may I ask, in order that I may not be behindhand with questions

either, whether your occupation holds you to this city, or like myself, you are a visitor here?'

'A visitor,' replied his friend. 'I was "raised" in the State of Massachusetts, and reside there still. My home is

in a quiet country town. I am not often in these busy places; and my inclination to visit them does not

'And, like most people who travel, have become more than ever attached to your home and native country,'

'To my homeyes,' rejoined his friend. 'To my native country AS my homeyes, also.'

'Well,' returned his new friend, 'if you ask me whether I came back here with a greater relish for my country's

faults; with a greater fondness for those who claim (at the rate of so many dollars a day) to be her friends;

with a cooler indifference to the growth of principles among us in respect of public matters and of private

dealings between man and man, the advocacy of which, beyond the foul atmosphere of a criminal trial, would

'Oh!' said Martin; in so exactly the same key as his friend's No, that it sounded like an echo.

'If you ask me,' his companion pursued, 'whether I came back here better satisfied with a state of things which

broadly divides society into two classeswhereof one, the great mass, asserts a spurious independence, most

miserably dependent for its mean existence on the disregard of humanizing conventionalities of manner and

social custom, so that the coarser a man is, the more distinctly it shall appeal to his taste; while the other,

disgusted with the low standard thus set up and made adaptable to everything, takes refuge among the graces

and refinements it can bring to bear on private life, and leaves the public weal to such fortune as may betide it

And again Martin said 'Oh!' in the same odd way as before, being anxious and disconcerted; not so much, to

say the truth, on public grounds, as with reference to the fading prospects of domestic architecture.

'In a word,' resumed the other, 'I do not find and cannot believe and therefore will not allow, that we are a

model of wisdom, and an example to the world, and the perfection of human reason, and a great deal more to

the same purpose, which you may hear any hour in the day; simply because we began our political life with

'One, that our history commenced at so late a period as to escape the ages of bloodshed and cruelty through

which other nations have passed; and so had all the light of their probation, and none of its darkness. The

other, that we have a vast territory, and notas yettoo many people on it. These facts considered, we have

'Pretty well on that head,' said the other, shrugging his shoulders, 'still no mighty matter to boast of; for old

countries, and despotic countries too, have done as much, if not more, and made less noise about it. We shine

out brightly in comparison with England, certainly; but hers is a very extreme case. You complimented me on

'Oh! I am not at all astonished at your speaking thus openly when my country is in question,' returned Martin.

'You will not find it a scarce quality here, I assure you, saving among the Colonel Divers, and Jefferson

Bricks, and Major Pawkinses; though the best of us are something like the man in Goldsmith's comedy, who

wouldn't suffer anybody but himself to abuse his master. Come!' he added. 'Let us talk of something else.

You have come here on some design of improving your fortune, I dare say; and I should grieve to put you out

of heart. I am some years older than you, besides; and may, on a few trivial points, advise you, perhaps.'

There was not the least curiosity or impertinence in the manner of this offer, which was openhearted,

unaffected, and goodnatured. As it was next to impossible that he should not have his confidence awakened

by a deportment so prepossessing and kind, Martin plainly stated what had brought him into those parts, and

even made the very difficult avowal that he was poor. He did not say how poor, it must be admitted, rather

throwing off the declaration with an air which might have implied that he had money enough for six months,

instead of as many weeks; but poor he said he was, and grateful he said he would be, for any counsel that his

It would not have been very difficult for any one to see; but it was particularly easy for Martin, whose

perceptions were sharpened by his circumstances, to discern; that the stranger's face grew infinitely longer as

the domesticarchitecture project was developed. Nor, although he made a great effort to be as encouraging

as possible, could he prevent his head from shaking once involuntarily, as if it said in the vulgar tongue, upon

its own account, 'No go!' But he spoke in a cheerful tone, and said, that although there was no such opening

as Martin wished, in that city, he would make it matter of immediate consideration and inquiry where one

was most likely to exist; and then he made Martin acquainted with his name, which was Bevan; and with his

profession, which was physic, though he seldom or never practiced; and with other circumstances connected

with himself and family, which fully occupied the time, until they reached the Rowdy Journal Office.

Mr Tapley appeared to be taking his ease on the landing of the first floor; for sounds as of some gentleman

established in that region whistling 'Rule Britannia' with all his might and main, greeted their ears before they

reached the house. On ascending to the spot from whence this music proceeded, they found him recumbent in

the midst of a fortification of luggage, apparently performing his national anthem for the gratification of a

greyhaired black man, who sat on one of the outworks (a portmanteau), staring intently at Mark, while

Mark, with his head reclining on his hand, returned the compliment in a thoughtful manner, and whistled all

the time. He seemed to have recently dined, for his knife, a casebottle, and certain broken meats in a

handkerchief, lay near at hand. He had employed a portion of his leisure in the decoration of the Rowdy

Journal door, whereon his own initials now appeared in letters nearly half a foot long, together with the day

of the month in smaller type; the whole surrounded by an ornamental border, and looking very fresh and

'I was a'most afraid you was lost, sir!' cried Mark, rising, and stopping the tune at that point where Britons

generally are supposed to declare (when it is whistled) that they never, never, never

'Not altogether dead, sir,' returned Mark; 'but he's had more fevers and agues than is quite reconcilable with

being alive. When she didn't see him awaiting for her, I thought she'd have died herself, I did!'

'HE wasn't here. There was a feeble old shadow come acreeping down at last, as much like his substance

when she know'd him, as your shadow when it's drawn out to its very finest and longest by the sun, is like

you. But it was his remains, there's no doubt about that. She took on with joy, poor thing, as much as if it had

'Ah! He'd bought land,' said Mark, shaking his head, 'and paid for it too. Every sort of nateral advantage was

connected with it, the agents said; and there certainly was ONE, quite unlimited. No end to the water!'

'It's a thing he couldn't have done without, I suppose,' observed Martin, peevishly.

'Certainly not, sir. There it was, any way; always turned on, and no waterrate. Independent of three or four

slimy old rivers close by, it varied on the farm from four to six foot deep in the dry season. He couldn't say

how deep it was in the rainy time, for he never had anything long enough to sound it with.'

'Extremely probable,' he answered. 'Some Mississippi or Missouri lot, I dare say.'

'However,' pursued Mark, 'he came from Idon'tknowwhereandall, down to New York here, to meet his

wife and children; and they started off again in a steamboat this blessed afternoon, as happy to be along with

each other as if they were going to Heaven. I should think they was, pretty straight, if I may judge from the

'And may I ask,' said Martin, glancing, but not with any displeasure, from Mark to the negro, 'who this

'Why sir,' returned Mark, taking him aside, and speaking confidentially in his ear, 'he's a man of colour, sir!'

'Do you take me for a blind man,' asked Martin, somewhat impatiently, 'that you think it necessary to tell me

'No, no; when I say a man of colour,' returned Mark, 'I mean that he's been one of them as there's picters of in

the shops. A man and a brother, you know, sir,' said Mr Tapley, favouring his master with a significant

'Ah!' said Mark in the same tone. 'Nothing else. A slave. Why, when that there man was youngdon't look at

him while I'm atelling ithe was shot in the leg; gashed in the arm; scored in his live limbs, like crimped

fish; beaten out of shape; had his neck galled with an iron collar, and wore iron rings upon his wrists and

ankles. The marks are on him to this day. When I was having my dinner just now, he stripped off his coat,

'I have no reason to doubt it,' he answered, shaking his head 'It very often is.'

'Bless you,' said Mark, 'I know it is, from hearing his whole story. That master died; so did his second master

from having his head cut open with a hatchet by another slave, who, when he'd done it, went and drowned

himself; then he got a better one; in years and years he saved up a little money, and bought his freedom,

which he got pretty cheap at last, on account of his strength being nearly gone, and he being ill. Then he

come here. And now he's asaving up to treat himself, afore he dies, to one small purchaseit's nothing to

speak of. Only his own daughter; that's all!' cried Mr Tapley, becoming excited. 'Liberty for ever! Hurrah!

'Hush!' cried Martin, clapping his hand upon his mouth; 'and don't be an idiot. What is he doing here?'

'Waiting to take our luggage off upon a truck,' said Mark. 'He'd have come for it byandbye, but I engaged

him for a very reasonable charge (out of my own pocket) to sit along with me and make me jolly; and I am

jolly; and if I was rich enough to contract with him to wait upon me once a day, to be looked at, I'd never be

The fact may cause a solemn impeachment of Mark's veracity, but it must be admitted nevertheless, that there

was that in his face and manner at the moment, which militated strongly against this emphatic declaration of

'Lord love you, sir,' he added, 'they're so fond of Liberty in this part of the globe, that they buy her and sell

her and carry her to market with 'em. They've such a passion for Liberty, that they can't help taking liberties

'Very well,' said Martin, wishing to change the theme. 'Having come to that conclusion, Mark, perhaps you'll

attend to me. The place to which the luggage is to go is printed on this card. Mrs Pawkins's Boarding House.'

'That's his name, sir,' rejoined Mark. And the negro grinning assent from under a leathern portmanteau, than

which his own face was many shades deeper, hobbled downstairs with his portion of their worldly goods;

Martin and his friend followed them to the door below, and were about to pursue their walk, when the latter

stopped, and asked, with some hesitation, whether that young man was to be trusted?

'You don't understand meI think he had better go with us. He is an honest fellow, and speaks his mind so

'Why, the fact is,' said Martin, smiling, 'that being unaccustomed to a free republic, he is used to do so.'

'I think he had better go with us,' returned the other. 'He may get into some trouble otherwise. This is not a

slave State; but I am ashamed to say that a spirit of Tolerance is not so common anywhere in these latitudes

as the form. We are not remarkable for behaving very temperately to each other when we differ; but to

Martin called to him immediately to be of their party; so Cicero and the truck went one way, and they three

They walked about the city for two or three hours; seeing it from the best points of view, and pausing in the

principal streets, and before such public buildings as Mr Bevan pointed out. Night then coming on apace,

Martin proposed that they should adjourn to Mrs Pawkins's establishment for coffee; but in this he was

overruled by his new acquaintance, who seemed to have set his heart on carrying him, though it were only for

an hour, to the house of a friend of his who lived hard by. Feeling (however disinclined he was, being weary)

that it would be in bad taste, and not very gracious, to object that he was unintroduced, when this

openhearted gentleman was so ready to be his sponsor, Martinfor once in his life, at all

eventssacrificed his own will and pleasure to the wishes of another, and consented with a fair grace. So

Mr Bevan knocked at the door of a very neat house of moderate size, from the parlour windows of which,

lights were shining brightly into the now dark street. It was quickly opened by a man with such a thoroughly

Irish face, that it seemed as if he ought, as a matter of right and principle, to be in rags, and could have no sort

Commending Mark to the care of this phenomenonfor such he may be said to have been in Martin's

eyesMr Bevan led the way into the room which had shed its cheerfulness upon the street, to whose

occupants he introduced Mr Chuzzlewit as a gentleman from England, whose acquaintance he had recently

had the pleasure to make. They gave him welcome in all courtesy and politeness; and in less than five

minutes' time he found himself sitting very much at his ease by the fireside, and becoming vastly well

There were two young ladiesone eighteen; the other twentyboth very slender, but very pretty; their

mother, who looked, as Martin thought much older and more faded than she ought to have looked; and their

grandmother, a little sharpeyed, quick old woman, who seemed to have got past that stage, and to have

come all right again. Besides these, there were the young ladies' father, and the young ladies' brother; the first

engaged in mercantile affairs; the second, a student at college; both, in a certain cordiality of manner, like his

own friend, and not unlike him in face. Which was no great wonder, for it soon appeared that he was their

near relation. Martin could not help tracing the family pedigree from the two young ladies, because they were

foremost in his thoughts; not only from being, as aforesaid, very pretty, but by reason of their wearing

miraculously small shoes, and the thinnest possible silk stockings; the which their rockingchairs developed

There is no doubt that it was a monstrous comfortable circumstance to be sitting in a snug, wellfurnished

room, warmed by a cheerful fire, and full of various pleasant decorations, including four small shoes, and the

like amount of silk stockings, andyes, why not?the feet and legs therein enshrined. And there is no

doubt that Martin was monstrous welldisposed to regard his position in that light, after his recent experience

of the Screw, and of Mrs Pawkins's boardinghouse. The consequence was that he made himself very

agreeable indeed; and by the time the tea and coffee arrived (with sweet preserves, and cunning teacakes in

its train), was in a highly genial state, and much esteemed by the whole family.

Another delightful circumstance turned up before the first cup of tea was drunk. The whole family had been

in England. There was a pleasant thing! But Martin was not quite so glad of this, when he found that they

knew all the great dukes, lords, viscounts, marquesses, duchesses, knights, and baronets, quite affectionately,

and were beyond everything interested in the least particular concerning them. However, when they asked,

after the wearer of this or that coronet, and said, 'Was he quite well?' Martin answered, 'Yes, oh yes. Never

better;' and when they said, 'his lordship's mother, the duchess, was she much changed?' Martin said, 'Oh dear

no, they would know her anywhere, if they saw her tomorrow;' and so got on pretty well. In like manner

when the young ladies questioned him touching the Gold Fish in that Grecian fountain in such and such a

nobleman's conservatory, and whether there were as many as there used to be, he gravely reported, after

mature consideration, that there must be at least twice as many; and as to the exotics, 'Oh! well! it was of no

use talking about THEM; they must be seen to be believed;' which improved state of circumstances reminded

the family of the splendour of that brilliant festival (comprehending the whole British Peerage and Court

Calendar) to which they were specially invited, and which indeed had been partly given in their honour; and

recollections of what Mr Norris the father had said to the marquess, and of what Mrs Norris the mother had

said to the marchioness, and of what the marquess and marchioness had both said, when they said that upon

their words and honours they wished Mr Norris the father and Mrs Norris the mother, and the Misses Norris

the daughters, and Mr Norris Junior, the son, would only take up their permanent residence in England, and

give them the pleasure of their everlasting friendship, occupied a very considerable time.

Martin thought it rather stange, and in some sort inconsistent, that during the whole of these narrations, and in

the very meridian of their enjoyment thereof, both Mr Norris the father, and Mr Norris Junior, the son (who

corresponded, every post, with four members of the English Peerage), enlarged upon the inestimable

advantage of having no such arbitrary distinctions in that enlightened land, where there were no noblemen but

nature's noblemen, and where all society was based on one broad level of brotherly love and natural equality.

Indeed, Mr Norris the father gradually expanding into an oration on this swelling theme, was becoming

tedious, when Mr Bevan diverted his thoughts by happening to make some causal inquiry relative to the

occupier of the next house; in reply to which, this same Mr Norris the father observed, that 'that person

entertained religious opinions of which he couldn't approve; and therefore he hadn't the honour of knowing

the gentleman.' Mrs Norris the mother added another reason of her own, the same in effect, but varying in

words; to wit, that she believed the people were well enough in their way, but they were not genteel.

Another little trait came out, which impressed itself on Martin forcibly. Mr Bevan told them about Mark and

the negro, and then it appeared that all the Norrises were abolitionists. It was a great relief to hear this, and

Martin was so much encouraged on finding himself in such company, that he expressed his sympathy with

the oppressed and wretched blacks. Now, one of the young ladiesthe prettiest and most delicatewas

mightily amused at the earnestness with which he spoke; and on his craving leave to ask her why, was quite

unable for a time to speak for laughing. As soon however as she could, she told him that the negroes were

such a funny people, so excessively ludicrous in their manners and appearance, that it was wholly impossible

for those who knew them well, to associate any serious ideas with such a very absurd part of the creation. Mr

Norris the father, and Mrs Norris the mother, and Miss Norris the sister, and Mr Norris Junior the brother,

and even Mrs Norris Senior the grandmother, were all of this opinion, and laid it down as an absolute matter

of factas if there were nothing in suffering and slavery, grim enough to cast a solemn air on any human

animal; though it were as ridiculous, physically, as the most grotesque of apes, or morally, as the mildest

'In short,' said Mr Norris the father, settling the question comfortably, 'there is a natural antipathy between the

'Extending,' said Martin's friend, in a low voice, 'to the cruellest of tortures, and the bargain and sale of

Mr Norris the son said nothing, but he made a wry face, and dusted his fingers as Hamlet might after getting

rid of Yorick's skull; just as though he had that moment touched a negro, and some of the black had come off

In order that their talk might fall again into its former pleasant channel, Martin dropped the subject, with a

shrewd suspicion that it would be a dangerous theme to revive under the best of circumstances; and again

addressed himself to the young ladies, who were very gorgeously attired in very beautiful colours, and had

every article of dress on the same extensive scale as the little shoes and the thin silk stockings. This suggested

to him that they were great proficients in the French fashions, which soon turned out to be the case, for

though their information appeared to be none of the newest, it was very extensive; and the eldest sister in

particular, who was distinguished by a talent for metaphysics, the laws of hydraulic pressure, and the rights of

human kind, had a novel way of combining these acquirements and bringing them to bear on any subject

from Millinery to the Millennium, both inclusive, which was at once improving and remarkable; so much so,

in short, that it was usually observed to reduce foreigners to a state of temporary insanity in five minutes.

Martin felt his reason going; and as a means of saving himself, besought the other sister (seeing a piano in the

room) to sing. With this request she willingly complied; and a bravura concert, solely sustained by the Misses

Noriss, presently began. They sang in all languagesexcept their own. German, French, Italian, Spanish,

Portuguese, Swiss; but nothing native; nothing so low as native. For, in this respect, languages are like many

other travellersordinary and commonplace enough at home, but 'specially genteel abroad.

There is little doubt that in course of time the Misses Norris would have come to Hebrew, if they had not

been interrupted by an announcement from the Irishman, who, flinging open the door, cried in a loud voice

As they made the exclamation, the general, attired in full uniform for a ball, came darting in with such

precipitancy that, hitching his boot in the carpet, and getting his sword between his legs, he came down

headlong, and presented a curious little bald place on the crown of his head to the eyes of the astonished

company. Nor was this the worst of it; for being rather corpulent and very tight, the general being down,

could not get up again, but lay there writing and doing such things with his boots, as there is no other instance

Of course there was an immediate rush to his assistance; and the general was promptly raised. But his

uniform was so fearfully and wonderfully made, that he came up stiff and without a bend in him like a dead

Clown, and had no command whatever of himself until he was put quite flat upon the soles of his feet, when

he became animated as by a miracle, and moving edgewise that he might go in a narrower compass and be in

less danger of fraying the gold lace on his epaulettes by brushing them against anything, advanced with a

To be sure, it would have been impossible for the family to testify purer delight and joy than at this

unlookedfor appearance of General Fladdock! The general was as warmly received as if New York had

been in a state of siege and no other general was to be got for love or money. He shook hands with the

Norrises three times all round, and then reviewed them from a little distance as a brave commander might,

with his ample cloak drawn forward over the right shoulder and thrown back upon the left side to reveal his

'And do I then,' cried the general, 'once again behold the choicest spirits of my country!'

Then all the Norrises pressed round the general, inquiring how and where he had been since the date of his

letter, and how he had enjoyed himself in foreign parts, and particularly and above all, to what extent he had

become acquainted with the great dukes, lords, viscounts, marquesses, duchesses, knights, and baronets, in

'Well, then, don't ask me,' said the general, holding up his hand. 'I was among 'em all the time, and have got

public journals in my trunk with my name printed'he lowered his voice and was very impressive

here'among the fashionable news. But, oh, the conventionalities of that amazing Europe!'

'Ah!' cried Mr Norris the father, giving his head a melancholy shake, and looking towards Martin as though

'The limited diffusion of a moral sense in that country!' exclaimed the general. 'The absence of a moral

'I couldn't have realised it,' pursued the general, 'without being located on the spot. Norris, your imagination

is the imagination of a strong man, but YOU couldn't have realised it, without being located on the spot!'

'The exclusiveness, the pride, the form, the ceremony,' exclaimed the general, emphasizing the article more

vigorously at every repetition. 'The artificial barriers set up between man and man; the division of the human

race into court cards and plain cards, of every denominationinto clubs, diamonds, spadesanything but

'But stay!' cried Mr Norris the father, taking him by the arm. 'Surely you crossed in the Screw, general?'

The general seemed at a loss to understand why his having come home in the Screw should occasion such a

sensation, nor did he seem at all clearer on the subject when Mr Norris, introducing him to Martin, said:

He had never seen Martin, but Martin had seen him, and recognized him, now that they stood face to face, as

the gentleman who had stuck his hands in his pockets towards the end of the voyage, and walked the deck

'I came over in the same ship as the general,' said Martin, 'but not in the same cabin. It being necessary for me

If the general had been carried up bodily to a loaded cannon, and required to let it off that moment, he could

not have been in a state of greater consternation than when he heard these words. He, FladdockFladdock in

full militia uniform, Fladdock the General, Fladdock, the caressed of foreign noblemenexpected to know a

fellow who had come over in the steerage of lineofpacket ship, at the cost of four pound ten! And meeting

that fellow in the very sanctuary of New York fashion, and nestling in the bosom of the New York

A deathlike stillness fell upon the Norisses. If this story should get wind, their country relation had, by his

imprudence, for ever disgraced them. They were the bright particular stars of an exalted New York sphere.

There were other fashionable spheres above them, and other fashionable spheres below, and none of the stars

in any one of these spheres had anything to say to the stars in any other of these spheres. But, through all the

spheres it would go forth that the Norrises, deceived by gentlemanly manners and appearances, had, falling

from their high estate, 'received' a dollarless and unknown man. O guardian eagle of the pure Republic, had

'You will allow me,' said Martin, after a terrible silence, 'to take my leave. I feel that I am the cause of at least

as much embarrassment here, as I have brought upon myself. But I am bound, before I go, to exonerate this

gentleman, who, in introducing me to such society, was quite ignorant of my unworthiness, I assure you.'

With that he made his bow to the Norrises, and walked out like a man of snow; very cool externally, but

'Come, come,' said Mr Norris the father, looking with a pale face on the assembled circle as Martin closed the

door, 'the young man has this night beheld a refinement of social manner, and an easy magnificence of social

decoration, to which he is a stranger in his own country. Let us hope it may awake a moral sense within him.'

If that peculiarly transatlantic article, a moral sensefor, if native statesmen, orators, and pamphleteers, are

to be believed, America quite monopolises the commodityif that peculiarly transatlantic article be

supposed to include a benevolent love of all mankind, certainly Martin's would have borne, just then, a deal

of waking. As he strode along the street, with Mark at his heels, his immoral sense was in active operation;

prompting him to the utterance of some rather sanguinary remarks, which it was well for his own credit that

nobody overheard. He had so far cooled down, however, that he had begun to laugh at the recollection of

these incidents, when he heard another step behind him, and turning round encountered his friend Bevan,

He drew his arm through Martin's, and entreating him to walk slowly, was silent for some minutes. At length

'I hope you acquit me of intending or foreseeing the termination of our visit. But I scarcely need ask you that.'

'Scarcely indeed,' said Martin. 'I am the more beholden to you for your kindness, when I find what kind of

'I reckon,' his friend returned, 'that they are made of pretty much the same stuff as other folks, if they would

'I dare say,' resumed his friend, 'you might have such a scene as that in an English comedy, and not detect any

'Doubtless it is more ridiculous here than anywhere else,' said his companion; 'but our professions are to

blame for that. So far as I myself am concerned, I may add that I was perfectly aware from the first that you

came over in the steerage, for I had seen the list of passengers, and knew it did not comprise your name.'

'Oh yes! there are a hundred good points about him. If you or anybody else addressed him as another order of

being, and sued to him IN FORMA PAUPERIS, he would be all kindness and consideration.'

'I needn't have travelled three thousand miles from home to find such a character as THAT,' said Martin.

Neither he nor his friend said anything more on the way back; each appearing to find sufficient occupation in

The tea, or the supper, or whatever else they called the evening meal, was over when they reached the

Major's; but the cloth, ornamented with a few additional smears and stains, was still upon the table. At one

end of the board Mrs Jefferson Brick and two other ladies were drinking tea; out of the ordinary course,

evidently, for they were bonneted and shawled, and seemed to have just come home. By the light of three

flaring candles of different lengths, in as many candlesticks of different patterns, the room showed to almost

These ladies were all three talking together in a very loud tone when Martin and his friend entered; but seeing

those gentlemen, they stopped directly, and became excessively genteel, not to say frosty. As they went on to

exchange some few remarks in whispers, the very water in the teapot might have fallen twenty degrees in

'Have you been to meeting, Mrs Brick?' asked Martin's friend, with something of a roguish twinkle in his eye.

Here the lady on the right of Mrs Brick gave a pious cough as much as to say 'I do!'as, indeed, she did

The lady raised her eyes in a pious manner, and answered 'Yes.' She had been much comforted by some good,

strong, peppery doctrine, which satisfactorily disposed of all her friends and acquaintances, and quite settled

their business. Her bonnet, too, had far outshone every bonnet in the congregation; so she was tranquil on all

'What course of lectures are you attending now, ma'am?' said Martin's friend, turning again to Mrs Brick.

'You have forgotten Thursdays; the Philosophy of Government, my dear,' observed the third lady.

'Indeed you have reason to say so,' answered Martin. 'Between these very grave pursuits abroad, and family

Martin stopped here, for he saw that the ladies regarded him with no very great favour, though what he had

done to deserve the disdainful expression which appeared in their faces he was at a loss to divine. But on their

going upstairs to their bedroomswhich they very soon didMr Bevan informed him that domestic

drudgery was far beneath the exalted range of these Philosophers, and that the chances were a hundred to one

that not one of the three could perform the easiest woman's work for herself, or make the simplest article of

'Though whether they might not be better employed with such blunt instruments as knittingneedles than

with these edgetools,' he said, 'is another question; but I can answer for one thingthey don't often cut

themselves. Devotions and lectures are our balls and concerts. They go to these places of resort, as an escape

'Very often. But I see you are tired to death, and will wish you good night. We will discuss your projects in

the morning. You cannot but feel already that it is useless staying here, with any hope of advancing them.

They shook hands heartily and separated. As soon as Martin was left alone, the excitement of novelty and

change which had sustained him through all the fatigues of the day, departed; and he felt so thoroughly

In twelve or fifteen hours, how great a change had fallen on his hopes and sanguine plans! New and strange

as he was to the ground on which he stood, and to the air he breathed, he could not recalling all that he had

crowded into that one daybut entertain a strong misgiving that his enterprise was doomed. Rash and ill

considered as it had often looked on shipboard, but had never seemed on shore, it wore a dismal aspect, now,

that frightened him. Whatever thoughts he called up to his aid, they came upon him in depressing and

discouraging shapes, and gave him no relief. Even the diamonds on his finger sparkled with the brightness of

He continued to sit in gloomy rumination by the stove, unmindful of the boarders who dropped in one by one

from their stores and countinghouses, or the neighbouring barrooms, and, after taking long pulls from a

great white waterjug upon the sideboard, and lingering with a kind of hideous fascination near the brass

spittoons, lounged heavily to bed; until at length Mark Tapley came and shook him by the arm, supposing

'All right, sir,' said that cheerful follower, snuffing with his fingers the candle he bore. 'It ain't a very large

bed, your'n, sir; and a man as wasn't thirsty might drink, afore breakfast, all the water you've got to wash in,

'I feel as if the house were on the sea' said Martin, staggering when he rose; 'and am utterly wretched.'

'I'm as jolly as a sandboy, myself, sir,' said Mark. 'But, Lord, I have reason to be! I ought to have been born

here; that's my opinion. Take care how you go'for they were now ascending the stairs. 'You recollect the

'Well, sir, there's been a delivery of clean clothes from the wash tonight, and they're put outside the bedroom

doors here. If you take notice as we go up, what a very few shirts there are, and what a many fronts, you'll

But Martin was too weary and despondent to take heed of anything, so had no interest in this discovery. Mr

Tapley, nothing dashed by his indifference, conducted him to the top of the house, and into the bedchamber

prepared for his reception; which was a very little narrow room, with half a window in it; a bedstead like a

chest without a lid; two chairs; a piece of carpet, such as shoes are commonly tried upon at a readymade

establishment in England; a little lookingglass nailed against the wall; and a washingtable, with a jug and

'I suppose they polish themselves with a dry cloth in this country,' said Mark. 'They've certainly got a touch of

'I wish you would pull off my boots for me,' said Martin, dropping into one of the chairs 'I am quite knocked

'You won't say that tomorrow morning, sir,' returned Mr Tapley; 'nor even tonight, sir, when you've made

a trial of this.' With which he produced a very large tumbler, piled up to the brim with little blocks of clear

transparent ice, through which one or two thin slices of lemon, and a golden liquid of delicious appearance,

But Mr Tapley made no answer; merely plunging a reed into the mixturewhich caused a pleasant

commotion among the pieces of ice and signifying by an expressive gesture that it was to be pumped up

Martin took the glass with an astonished look; applied his lips to the reed; and cast up his eyes once in

'There, sir!' said Mark, taking it from him with a triumphant face; 'if ever you should happen to be dead beat

again, when I ain't in the way, all you've got to do is to ask the nearest man to go and fetch a cobbler.'

'This wonderful invention, sir,' said Mark, tenderly patting the empty glass, 'is called a cobbler. Sherry

cobbler when you name it long; cobbler, when you name it short. Now you're equal to having your boots took

'Mind! I am not going to relapse, Mark,' said Martin; 'but, good Heaven, if we should be left in some wild

'Well, sir!' replied the imperturbable Tapley; 'from what we've seen already, I don't know whether, under

those circumstances, we shouldn't do better in the wild parts than in the tame ones.'

'Oh, Tom Pinch, Tom Pinch!' said Martin, in a thoughtful tone; 'what would I give to be again beside you,

and able to hear your voice, though it were even in the old bedroom at Pecksniff's!'

'Oh, Dragon, Dragon!' echoed Mark, cheerfully, 'if there warn't any water between you and me, and nothing

faintheartedlike in going back, I don't know that I mightn't say the same. But here am I, Dragon, in New

York, America; and there are you in Wiltshire, Europe; and there's a fortune to make, Dragon, and a beautiful

young lady to make it for; and whenever you go to see the Monument, Dragon, you mustn't give in on the

'In all the storybooks as ever I read, sir, the people as looked backward was turned into stones,' replied

Mark; 'and my opinion always was, that they brought it on themselves, and it served 'em right. I wish you

'So I say, too,' whispered Mark Tapley, when he was out of hearing and in his own room; 'for if there don't

come a time afore we're well out of this, when there'll be a little more credit in keeping up one's jollity, I'm a

Leaving them to blend and mingle in their sleep the shadows of objects afar off, as they take fantastic shapes

upon the wall in the dim light of thought without control, be it the part of this slight chroniclea dream

within a dreamas rapidly to change the scene, and cross the ocean to the English shore.

Change begets change. Nothing propagates so fast. If a man habituated to a narrow circle of cares and

pleasures, out of which he seldom travels, step beyond it, though for never so brief a space, his departure

from the monotonous scene on which he has been an actor of importance, would seem to be the signal for

instant confusion. As if, in the gap he had left, the wedge of change were driven to the head, rending what

was a solid mass to fragments, things cemented and held together by the usages of years, burst asunder in as

many weeks. The mine which Time has slowly dug beneath familiar objects is sprung in an instant; and what

Most men, at one time or other, have proved this in some degree. The extent to which the natural laws of

change asserted their supremacy in that limited sphere of action which Martin had deserted, shall be faithfully

'What a cold spring it is!' whimpered old Anthony, drawing near the evening fire, 'It was a warmer season,

'You needn't go scorching your clothes into holes, whether it was or not,' observed the amiable Jonas, raising

his eyes from yesterday's newspaper, 'Broadcloth ain't so cheap as that comes to.'

'A good lad!' cried the father, breathing on his cold hands, and feebly chafing them against each other. 'A

'I don't know but I would, though, mind you, if I could do it for nothing,' said his son, as he resumed the

'Let the fire be!' cried Mr Jonas, stopping his honoured parent's hand in the use of the poker. 'Do you mean to

'You always were as selfish an old blade as need be,' said Jonas in a voice too low for him to hear, and

looking at him with an angry frown. 'You act up to your character. You wouldn't mind coming to want,

wouldn't you! I dare say you wouldn't. And your own flesh and blood might come to want too, might they,

After this dutiful address he took his teacup in his handfor that meal was in progress, and the father and

son and Chuffey were partakers of it. Then, looking steadfastly at his father, and stopping now and then to

'Want, indeed! You're a nice old man to be talking of want at this time of day. Beginning to talk of want, are

you? Well, I declare! There isn't time? No, I should hope not. But you'd live to be a couple of hundred if you

The old man sighed, and still sat cowering before the fire. Mr Jonas shook his Britanniametal teaspoon at

him, and taking a loftier position, went on to argue the point on high moral grounds.

'If you're in such a state of mind as that,' he grumbled, but in the same subdued key, 'why don't you make

over your property? Buy an annuity cheap, and make your life interesting to yourself and everybody else that

watches the speculation. But no, that wouldn't suit YOU. That would be natural conduct to your own son, and

you like to be unnatural, and to keep him out of his rights. Why, I should be ashamed of myself if I was you,

Possibly this general phrase supplied the place of grave, or tomb, or sepulchre, or cemetery, or mausoleum, or

other such word which the filial tenderness of Mr Jonas made him delicate of pronouncing. He pursued the

theme no further; for Chuffey, somehow discovering, from his old corner by the fireside, that Anthony was in

the attitude of a listener, and that Jonas appeared to be speaking, suddenly cried out, like one inspired:

Old Chuffey little suspected what depth of application these words had, or that, in the bitter satire which they

bore, they might have sunk into the old man's very soul, could he have known what words here hanging on

his own son's lips, or what was passing in his thoughts. But the voice diverted the current of Anthony's

'Yes, yes, Chuffey, Jonas is a chip of the old block. It is a very old block, now, Chuffey,' said the old man,

'Oh! He's worse than ever, you know!' cried Jonas, quite disgusted. 'Upon my soul, father, he's getting too

'Tut, tut!' was Chuffey's answer. 'I know better. I say HE'S wrong. I say HE'S wrong. He's a boy. That's what

he is. So are you, Mr Chuzzlewita kind of boy. Ha! ha! ha! You're quite a boy to many I have known;

With which extraordinary speechfor in the case of Chuffey this was a burst of eloquence without a

parallelthe poor old shadow drew through his palsied arm his master's hand, and held it there, with his own

'I grow deafer every day, Chuff,' said Anthony, with as much softness of manner, or, to describe it more

'No, no,' cried Chuffey. 'No, you don't. What if you did? I've been deaf this twenty year.'

'That's a good sign!' cried Chuffey. 'Ha! ha! The best sign in the world! You saw too well before.'

He patted Anthony upon the hand as one might comfort a child, and drawing the old man's arm still further

through his own, shook his trembling fingers towards the spot where Jonas sat, as though he would wave him

off. But, Anthony remaining quite still and silent, he relaxed his hold by slow degrees and lapsed into his

usual niche in the corner; merely putting forth his hand at intervals and touching his old employer gently on

Mr Jonas was so very much amazed by these proceedings that he could do nothing but stare at the two old

men, until Chuffey had fallen into his usual state, and Anthony had sunk into a doze; when he gave some vent

to his emotions by going close up to the former personage, and making as though he would, in vulgar

'They've been carrying on this game,' thought Jonas in a brown study, 'for the last two or three weeks. I never

saw my father take so much notice of him as he has in that time. What! You're legacy hunting, are you,

But Chuffey was as little conscious of the thought as of the bodily advance of Mr Jonas's clenched fist, which

hovered fondly about his ear. When he had scowled at him to his heart's content, Jonas took the candle from

the table, and walking into the glass office, produced a bunch of keys from his pocket. With one of these he

opened a secret drawer in the desk; peeping stealthily out, as he did so, to be certain that the two old men

'All as right as ever,' said Jonas, propping the lid of the desk open with his forehead, and unfolding a paper.

'Here's the will, Mister Chuff. Thirty pound a year for your maintenance, old boy, and all the rest to his only

son, Jonas. You needn't trouble yourself to be too affectionate. You won't get anything by it. What's that?'

It WAS startling, certainly. A face on the other side of the glass partition looking curiously in; and not at him

but at the paper in his hand. For the eyes were attentively cast down upon the writing, and were swiftly raised

Suffering the lid of the desk to fall with a loud noise, but not forgetting even then to lock it, Jonas, pale and

'What's the matter?' cried Jonas, falling back. 'Who is it? Where do you come from? What do you want?'

'Matter!' cried the voice of Mr Pecksniff, as Pecksniff in the flesh smiled amiably upon him. 'The matter, Mr

'What are you prying and peering about here for?' said Jonas, angrily. 'What do you mean by coming up to

town in this way, and taking one unawares? It's precious odd a man can't read thethe newspaperin his

own office without being startled out of his wits by people coming in without notice. Why didn't you knock at

'So I did, Mr Jonas,' answered Pecksniff, 'but no one heard me. I was curious,' he added in his gentle way as

he laid his hand upon the young man's shoulder, 'to find out what part of the newspaper interested you so

Jonas glanced in haste at the partition. Well. It wasn't very clean. So far he spoke the truth.

'Was it poetry now?' said Mr Pecksniff, shaking the forefinger of his right hand with an air of cheerful banter.

'Or was it politics? Or was it the price of stock? The main chance, Mr Jonas, the main chance, I suspect.'

'You ain't far from the truth,' answered Jonas, recovering himself and snuffing the candle; 'but how the deuce

do you come to be in London again? Ecod! it's enough to make a man stare, to see a fellow looking at him all

'So it is,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'No doubt of it, my dear Mr Jonas. For while the human mind is constituted as it

'Oh, bother the human mind,' interrupted Jonas with impatience 'what have you come up for?'

'A little matter of business,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'which has arisen quite unexpectedly.'

'Oh!' cried Jonas, 'is that all? Well. Here's father in the next room. Hallo father, here's Pecksniff! He gets

more addlepated every day he lives, I do believe,' muttered Jonas, shaking his honoured parent roundly.

The combined effects of the shaking and this loving remonstrance soon awoke the old man, who gave Mr

Pecksniff a chuckling welcome which was attributable in part to his being glad to see that gentleman, and in

part to his unfading delight in the recollection of having called him a hypocrite. As Mr Pecksniff had not yet

taken tea (indeed he had, but an hour before, arrived in London) the remains of the late collation, with a

rasher of bacon, were served up for his entertainment; and as Mr Jonas had a business appointment in the

next street, he stepped out to keep it; promising to return before Mr Pecksniff could finish his repast.

'And now, my good sir,' said Mr Pecksniff to Anthony; 'now that we are alone, pray tell me what I can do for

you. I say alone, because I believe that our dear friend Mr Chuffey is, metaphysically speaking, ashall I

say a dummy?' asked Mr Pecksniff with his sweetest smile, and his head very much on one side.

'Why, then,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'I will be bold to say, with the utmost sympathy for his afflictions, and the

greatest admiration of those excellent qualities which do equal honour to his head and to his heart, that he is

'That I never,' said Mr Pecksniff, previously rising to see that the door was shut, and arranging his chair when

he came back, so that it could not be opened in the least without his immediately becoming aware of the

circumstance; 'that I never in my life was so astonished as by the receipt of your letter yesterday. That you

should do me the honour to wish to take counsel with me on any matter, amazed me; but that you should

desire to do so, to the exclusion even of Mr Jonas, showed an amount of confidence in one to whom you had

done a verbal injurymerely a verbal injury, you were anxious to repairwhich gratified, which moved,

He was always a glib speaker, but he delivered this short address very glibly; having been at some pains to

Although he paused for a reply, and truly said that he was there at Anthony's request, the old man sat gazing

at him in profound silence and with a perfectly blank face. Nor did he seem to have the least desire or

impulse to pursue the conversation, though Mr Pecksniff looked towards the door, and pulled out his watch,

and gave him many other hints that their time was short, and Jonas, if he kept his word, would soon return.

But the strangest incident in all this strange behaviour was, that of a sudden, in a moment, so swiftly that it

was impossible to trace how, or to observe any process of change, his features fell into their old expression,

and he cried, striking his hand passionately upon the table as if no interval at all had taken place:

Mr Pecksniff deferred to him with a submissive bow; and said within himself, 'I knew his hand was changed,

'Jonas is sweet upon your daughter, Pecksniff,' said the old man, in his usual tone.

'We spoke of that, if you remember, sir, at Mrs Todgers's,' replied the courteous architect.

Mr Pecksniff had certainly raised his voice pretty high; not so much because he thought Anthony was deaf, as

because he felt convinced that his perceptive faculties were waxing dim; but this quick resentment of his

considerate behaviour greatly disconcerted him, and, not knowing what tack to shape his course upon, he

'A charming girl, sir,' murmured Mr Pecksniff, seeing that he waited for an answer. 'A dear girl, Mr

'You know better,' cried the old man, advancing his weazen face at least a yard, and starting forward in his

'Don't call me a good sir,' retorted Anthony, 'and don't claim to be one yourself. If your daughter was what

you would have me believe, she wouldn't do for Jonas. Being what she is, I think she will. He might be

deceived in a wife. She might run riot, contract debts, and waste his substance. Now when I am dead'

His face altered so horribly as he said the word, that Mr Pecksniff really was fain to look another way.

'It will be worse for me to know of such doings, than if I was alive; for to be tormented for getting that

together, which even while I suffer for its acquisition, is flung into the very kennels of the streets, would be

insupportable torture. No,' said the old man, hoarsely, 'let that be saved at least; let there be something gained,

'My dear Mr Chuzzlewit,' said Pecksniff, 'these are unwholesome fancies; quite unnecessary, sir, quite

'Not dying though!' cried Anthony, with something like the snarl of a wild animal. 'Not yet! There are years

of life in me. Why, look at him,' pointing to his feeble clerk. 'Death has no right to leave him standing, and to

Mr Pecksniff was so much afraid of the old man, and so completely taken aback by the state in which he

found him, that he had not even presence of mind enough to call up a scrap of morality from the great

storehouse within his own breast. Therefore he stammered out that no doubt it was, in fairness and decency,

Mr Chuffey's turn to expire; and that from all he had heard of Mr Chuffey, and the little he had the pleasure

of knowing of that gentleman, personally, he felt convinced in his own mind that he would see the propriety

'Come here!' said the old man, beckoning him to draw nearer. 'Jonas will be my heir, Jonas will be rich, and a

'He might get more money than with her,' said the old man, 'but she will help him to take care of what they

have. She is not too young or heedless, and comes of a good hard griping stock. But don't you play too fine a

game. She only holds him by a thread; and if you draw it too tight (I know his temper) it'll snap. Bind him

when he's in the mood, Pecksniff; bind him. You're too deep. In your way of leading him on, you'll leave him

miles behind. Bah, you man of oil, have I no eyes to see how you have angled with him from the first?'

'Now I wonder,' thought Mr Pecksniff, looking at him with a wistful face, 'whether this is all he has to say?'

Old Anthony rubbed his hands and muttered to himself; complained again that he was cold; drew his chair

before the fire; and, sitting with his back to Mr Pecksniff, and his chin sunk down upon his breast, was, in

Uncouth and unsatisfactory as this short interview had been, it had furnished Mr Pecksniff with a hint which,

supposing nothing further were imparted to him, repaid the journey up and home again. For the good

gentleman had never (for want of an opportunity) dived into the depths of Mr Jonas's nature; and any recipe

for catching such a son inlaw (much more one written on a leaf out of his own father's book) was worth the

having. In order that he might lose no chance of improving so fair an opportunity by allowing Anthony to fall

asleep before he had finished all he had to say, Mr Pecksniff, in the disposal of the refreshments on the table,

a work to which he now applied himself in earnest, resorted to many ingenious contrivances for attracting his

attention; such as coughing, sneezing, clattering the teacups, sharpening the knives, dropping the loaf, and so

'What! My father asleep again?' he cried, as he hung up his hat, and cast a look at him. 'Ah! and snoring. Only

'Snores deep?' repeated Jonas. 'Yes; let him alone for that. He'll snore for six, at any time.'

'Do you know, Mr Jonas,' said Pecksniff, 'that I think your father isdon't let me alarm youbreaking?'

'Oh, is he though?' replied Jonas, with a shake of the head which expressed the closeness of his dutiful

observation. 'Ecod, you don't know how tough he is. He ain't upon the move yet.'

'It struck me that he was changed, both in his appearance and manner,' said Mr Pecksniff.

'That's all you know about it,' returned Jonas, seating himself with a melancholy air. 'He never was better than

'Volatile trifler!' said Mr Pecksniff, fondly musing. 'She is well, she is well. Roving from parlour to bedroom,

Mr Jonas, like a bee, skimming from post to pillar, like the butterfly; dipping her young beak into our currant

wine, like the hummingbird! Ah! were she a little less giddy than she is; and had she but the sterling

'Well, well!' said Mr Pecksniff, with great feeling; 'let me not be hard upon my child. Beside her sister Cherry

'Something wrong in the clock, I suppose,' said Jonas, glancing towards it. 'So the other one ain't your

The fond father was about to reply, and had already summoned into his face a look of most intense

It would have been, if it had made the noise which startled them; but another kind of timepiece was fast

running down, and from that the sound proceeded. A scream from Chuffey, rendered a hundred times more

loud and formidable by his silent habits, made the house ring from roof to cellar; and, looking round, they

saw Anthony Chuzzlewit extended on the floor, with the old clerk upon his knees beside him.

He had fallen from his chair in a fit, and lay there, battling for each gasp of breath, with every shrivelled vein

and sinew starting in its place, as if it were bent on bearing witness to his age, and sternly pleading with

Nature against his recovery. It was frightful to see how the principle of life, shut up within his withered

frame, fought like a strong devil, mad to be released, and rent its ancient prisonhouse. A young man in the

fullness of his vigour, struggling with so much strength of desperation, would have been a dismal sight; but

an old, old, shrunken body, endowed with preternatural might, and giving the lie in every motion of its every

They raised him up, and fetched a surgeon with all haste, who bled the patient and applied some remedies;

but the fits held him so long that it was past midnight when they got himquiet now, but quite unconscious

'Don't go,' said Jonas, putting his ashy lips to Mr Pecksniff's ear and whispered across the bed. 'It was a mercy

you were present when he was taken ill. Some one might have said it was my doing.'

'I don't know but they might,' he replied, wiping the moisture from his white face. 'People say such things.

'I used to joke, you know,' said. Jonas: 'but II never wished him dead. Do you think he's very bad?'

'Ah! but he might say that to charge us more, in case of his getting well' said Jonas. 'You mustn't go away,

Pecksniff. Now it's come to this, I wouldn't be without a witness for a thousand pound.'

Chuffey said not a word, and heard not a word. He had sat himself down in a chair at the bedside, and there

he remained, motionless; except that he sometimes bent his head over the pillow, and seemed to listen. He

never changed in this. Though once in the dreary night Mr Pecksniff, having dozed, awoke with a confused

impression that he had heard him praying, and strangely mingling figuresnot of speech, but

Jonas sat there, too, all night; not where his father could have seen him, had his consciousness returned, but

hiding, as it were, behind him, and only reading how he looked, in Mr Pecksniff's eyes. HE, the coarse

upstart, who had ruled the house so longthat craven cur, who was afraid to move, and shook so, that his

It was broad, bright, stirring day when, leaving the old clerk to watch him, they went down to breakfast.

People hurried up and down the street; windows and doors were opened; thieves and beggars took their usual

posts; workmen bestirred themselves; tradesmen set forth their shops; bailiffs and constables were on the

watch; all kinds of human creatures strove, in their several ways, as hard to live, as the one sick old man who

combated for every grain of sand in his fastemptying glass, as eagerly as if it were an empire.

'If anything happens Pecksniff,' said Jonas, 'you must promise me to stop here till it's all over. You shall see

'Yes, yes, but I won't be doubted. No one shall have it in his power to say a syllable against me,' he returned.

'I know how people will talk. Just as if he wasn't old, or I had the secret of keeping him alive!'

Mr Pecksniff promised that he would remain, if circumstances should render it, in his esteemed friend's

opinion, desirable; they were finishing their meal in silence, when suddenly an apparition stood before them,

Old Anthony, dressed in his usual clothes, was in the roombeside the table. He leaned upon the shoulder of

his solitary friend; and on his livid face, and on his horny hands, and in his glassy eyes, and traced by an

He spoke to themin something of his own voice too, but sharpened and made hollow, like a dead man's

face. What he would have said, God knows. He seemed to utter words, but they were such as man had never

heard. And this was the most fearful circumstance of all, to see him standing there, gabbling in an unearthly

'He's better now,' said Chuffey. 'Better now. Let him sit in his old chair, and he'll be well again. I told him not

They put him in his easychair, and wheeled it near the window; then, swinging open the door, exposed him

to the free current of morning air. But not all the air that is, nor all the winds that ever blew 'twixt Heaven and

Plunge him to the throat in golden pieces now, and his heavy fingers shall not close on one!

Mr Pecksniff was in a hackney cabriolet, for Jonas Chuzzlewit had said 'Spare no expense.' Mankind is evil in

its thoughts and in its base constructions, and Jonas was resolved it should not have an inch to stretch into an

ell against him. It never should be charged upon his father's son that he had grudged the money for his

father's funeral. Hence, until the obsequies should be concluded, Jonas had taken for his motto 'Spend, and

Mr Pecksniff had been to the undertaker, and was now upon his way to another officer in the train of

mourninga female functionary, a nurse, and watcher, and performer of nameless offices about the persons

of the deadwhom he had recommended. Her name, as Mr Pecksniff gathered from a scrap of writing in his

hand, was Gamp; her residence in Kingsgate Street, High Holborn. So Mr Pecksniff, in a hackney cab, was

This lady lodged at a birdfancier's, next door but one to the celebrated muttonpie shop, and directly

opposite to the original cat'smeat warehouse; the renown of which establishments was duly heralded on

their respective fronts. It was a little house, and this was the more convenient; for Mrs Gamp being, in her

highest walk of art, a monthly nurse, or, as her signboard boldly had it, 'Midwife,' and lodging in the

firstfloor front, was easily assailable at night by pebbles, walkingsticks, and fragments of tobaccopipe; all

much more efficacious than the streetdoor knocker, which was so constructed as to wake the street with

ease, and even spread alarms of fire in Holborn, without making the smallest impression on the premises to

It chanced on this particular occasion, that Mrs Gamp had been up all the previous night, in attendance upon a

ceremony to which the usage of gossips has given that name which expresses, in two syllables, the curse

pronounced on Adam. It chanced that Mrs Gamp had not been regularly engaged, but had been called in at a

crisis, in consequence of her great repute, to assist another professional lady with her advice; and thus it

happened that, all points of interest in the case being over, Mrs Gamp had come home again to the

birdfancier's and gone to bed. So when Mr Pecksniff drove up in the hackney cab, Mrs Gamp's curtains

If the birdfancier had been at home, as he ought to have been, there would have been no great harm in this;

but he was out, and his shop was closed. The shutters were down certainly; and in every pane of glass there

was at least one tiny bird in a tiny birdcage, twittering and hopping his little ballet of despair, and knocking

his head against the roof; while one unhappy goldfinch who lived outside a red villa with his name on the

door, drew the water for his own drinking, and mutely appealed to some good man to drop a farthing'sworth

of poison in it. Still, the door was shut. Mr Pecksniff tried the latch, and shook it, causing a cracked bell

inside to ring most mournfully; but no one came. The birdfancier was an easy shaver also, and a fashionable

hairdresser also, and perhaps he had been sent for, express, from the court end of the town, to trim a lord, or

cut and curl a lady; but however that might be, there, upon his own ground, he was not; nor was there any

more distinct trace of him to assist the imagination of an inquirer, than a professional print or emblem of his

calling (much favoured in the trade), representing a hairdresser of easy manners curling a lady of

Noting these circumstances, Mr Pecksniff, in the innocence of his heart, applied himself to the knocker; but at

the first double knock every window in the street became alive with female heads; and before he could repeat

the performance whole troops of married ladies (some about to trouble Mrs Gamp themselves very shortly)

came flocking round the steps, all crying out with one accord, and with uncommon interest, 'Knock at the

winder, sir, knock at the winder. Lord bless you, don't lose no more time than you can helpknock at the

Acting upon this suggestion, and borrowing the driver's whip for the purpose, Mr Pecksniff soon made a

commotion among the first floor flowerpots, and roused Mrs Gamp, whose voiceto the great satisfaction

A third lady (with her arms folded) said she wished he had chosen any other time for fetching Mrs Gamp, but

It gave Mr Pecksniff much uneasiness to find, from these remarks, that he was supposed to have come to Mrs

Gamp upon an errand touchingnot the close of life, but the other end. Mrs Gamp herself was under the

same impression, for, throwing open the window, she cried behind the curtains, as she hastily attired

'What, Mr Whilks!' cried Mrs Gamp. 'Don't say it's you, Mr Whilks, and that poor creetur Mrs Whilks with

'It isn't Mr Whilks,' said Pecksniff. 'I don't know the man. Nothing of the kind. A gentleman is dead; and

some person being wanted in the house, you have been recommended by Mr Mould the undertaker.'

As she was by this time in a condition to appear, Mrs Gamp, who had a face for all occasions, looked out of

the window with her mourning countenance, and said she would be down directly. But the matrons took it

very ill that Mr Pecksniff's mission was of so unimportant a kind; and the lady with her arms folded rated him

in good round terms, signifying that she would be glad to know what he meant by terrifying delicate females

'with his corpses;' and giving it as her opinion that he was quite ugly enough to know better. The other ladies

were not at all behindhand in expressing similar sentiments; and the children, of whom some scores had

now collected, hooted and defied Mr Pecksniff quite savagely. So when Mrs Gamp appeared, the unoffending

gentleman was glad to hustle her with very little ceremony into the cabriolet, and drive off, overwhelmed

Mrs Gamp had a large bundle with her, a pair of pattens, and a species of gig umbrella; the latter article in

colour like a faded leaf, except where a circular patch of a lively blue had been dexterously let in at the top.

She was much flurried by the haste she had made, and laboured under the most erroneous views of cabriolets,

which she appeared to confound with mailcoaches or stagewagons, inasmuch as she was constantly

endeavouring for the first half mile to force her luggage through the little front window, and clamouring to

the driver to 'put it in the boot.' When she was disabused of this idea, her whole being resolved itself into an

absorbing anxiety about her pattens, with which she played innumerable games at quoits on Mr Pecksniff's

legs. It was not until they were close upon the house of mourning that she had enough composure to

'And so the gentleman's dead, sir! Ah! The more's the pity.' She didn't even know his name. 'But it's what we

must all come to. It's as certain as being born, except that we can't make our calculations as exact. Ah! Poor

She was a fat old woman, this Mrs Gamp, with a husky voice and a moist eye, which she had a remarkable

power of turning up, and only showing the white of it. Having very little neck, it cost her some trouble to

look over herself, if one may say so, at those to whom she talked. She wore a very rusty black gown, rather

the worse for snuff, and a shawl and bonnet to correspond. In these dilapidated articles of dress she had, on

principle, arrayed herself, time out of mind, on such occasions as the present; for this at once expressed a

decent amount of veneration for the deceased, and invited the next of kin to present her with a fresher suit of

weeds; an appeal so frequently successful, that the very fetch and ghost of Mrs Gamp, bonnet and all, might

be seen hanging up, any hour in the day, in at least a dozen of the secondhand clothes shops about Holborn.

The face of Mrs Gampthe nose in particularwas somewhat red and swollen, and it was difficult to enjoy

her society without becoming conscious of a smell of spirits. Like most persons who have attained to great

eminence in their profession, she took to hers very kindly; insomuch that, setting aside her natural

predilections as a woman, she went to a lyingin or a layingout with equal zest and relish.

'Ah!' repeated Mrs Gamp; for it was always a safe sentiment in cases of mourning. 'Ah dear! When Gamp

was summoned to his long home, and I see him alying in Guy's Hospital with a pennypiece on each eye,

and his wooden leg under his left arm, I thought I should have fainted away. But I bore up.'

If certain whispers current in the Kingsgate Street circles had any truth in them, she had indeed borne up

surprisingly; and had exerted such uncommon fortitude as to dispose of Mr Gamp's remains for the benefit of

science. But it should be added, in fairness, that this had happened twenty years before; and that Mr and Mrs

Gamp had long been separated on the ground of incompatibility of temper in their drink.

'You have become indifferent since then, I suppose?' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Use is second nature, Mrs Gamp.'

'You may well say second nater, sir,' returned that lady. 'One's first ways is to find sich things a trial to the

feelings, and so is one's lasting custom. If it wasn't for the nerve a little sip of liquor gives me (I never was

able to do more than taste it), I never could go through with what I sometimes has to do. "Mrs Harris," I says,

at the very last case as ever I acted in, which it was but a young person, "Mrs Harris," I says, "leave the bottle

on the chimleypiece, and don't ask me to take none, but let me put my lips to it when I am so dispoged, and

then I will do what I'm engaged to do, according to the best of my ability." "Mrs Gamp," she says, in answer,

"if ever there was a sober creetur to be got at eighteen pence a day for working people, and three and six for

gentlefolks night watching,"' said Mrs Gamp with emphasis, '"being a extra chargeyou are that

inwallable person." "Mrs Harris," I says to her, "don't name the charge, for if I could afford to lay all my

feller creeturs out for nothink, I would gladly do it, sich is the love I bears 'em. But what I always says to

them as has the management of matters, Mrs Harris"'here she kept her eye on Mr Pecksniff'"be they

gents or be they ladies, is, don't ask me whether I won't take none, or whether I will, but leave the bottle on

The conclusion of this affecting narrative brought them to the house. In the passage they encountered Mr

Mould the undertaker; a little elderly gentleman, bald, and in a suit of black; with a notebook in his hand, a

massive gold watchchain dangling from his fob, and a face in which a queer attempt at melancholy was at

odds with a smirk of satisfaction; so that he looked as a man might, who, in the very act of smacking his lips

'Well, Mrs Gamp, and how are YOU, Mrs Gamp?' said this gentleman, in a voice as soft as his step.

'You'll be very particular here, Mrs Gamp. This is not a common case, Mrs Gamp. Let everything be very

nice and comfortable, Mrs Gamp, if you please,' said the undertaker, shaking his head with a solemn air.

'It shall be, sir,' she replied, curtseying again. 'You knows me of old, sir, I hope.'

'I hope so, too, Mrs Gamp,' said the undertaker. 'and I think so also.' Mrs Gamp curtseyed again. 'This is one

of the most impressive cases, sir,' he continued, addressing Mr Pecksniff, 'that I have seen in the whole course

'Such affectionate regret, sir, I never saw. There is no limitation, there is positively NO limitation'opening

his eyes wide, and standing on tiptoe'in point of expense! I have orders, sir, to put on my whole

establishment of mutes; and mutes come very dear, Mr Pecksniff; not to mention their drink. To provide

silver plated handles of the very best description, ornamented with angels' heads from the most expensive

dies. To be perfectly profuse in feathers. In short, sir, to turn out something absolutely gorgeous.'

'I have seen a good deal of what is filial in my time, sir,' retorted Mould, 'and what is unfilial too. It is our lot.

We come into the knowledge of those secrets. But anything so filial as this; anything so honourable to human

nature; so calculated to reconcile all of us to the world we live in; never yet came under my observation. It

only proves, sir, what was so forcibly observed by the lamented theatrical poetburied at Stratfordthat

'You are very kind, sir. And what a man Mr Chuzzlewit was, sir! Ah! what a man he was. You may talk of

your lord mayors,' said Mould, waving his hand at the public in general, 'your sheriffs, your common

councilmen, your trumpery; but show me a man in this city who is worthy to walk in the shoes of the

departed Mr Chuzzlewit. No, no,' cried Mould, with bitter sarcasm. 'Hang 'em up, hang 'em up; sole 'em and

heel 'em, and have 'em ready for his son against he's old enough to wear 'em; but don't try 'em on yourselves,

for they won't fit you. We knew him,' said Mould, in the same biting vein, as he pocketed his notebook; 'we

knew him, and are not to be caught with chaff. Mr Pecksniff, sir, good morning.'

Mr Pecksniff returned the compliment; and Mould, sensible of having distinguished himself, was going away

with a brisk smile, when he fortunately remembered the occasion. Quickly becoming depressed again, he

sighed; looked into the crown of his hat, as if for comfort; put it on without finding any; and slowly departed.

Mrs Gamp and Mr Pecksniff then ascended the staircase; and the former, having been shown to the chamber

in which all that remained of Anthony Chuzzlewit lay covered up, with but one loving heart, and that a

halting one, to mourn it, left the latter free to enter the darkened room below, and rejoin Mr Jonas, from

He found that example to bereaved sons, and pattern in the eyes of all performers of funerals, musing over a

fragment of writingpaper on the desk, and scratching figures on it with a pen. The old man's chair, and hat,

and walkingstick, were removed from their accustomed places, and put out of sight; the windowblinds as

yellow as November fogs, were drawn down close; Jonas himself was so subdued, that he could scarcely be

'Pecksniff,' he said, in a whisper, 'you shall have the regulation of it all, mind! You shall be able to tell

anybody who talks about it that everything was correctly and nicely done. There isn't any one you'd like to

'Because if there is, you know,' said Jonas, 'ask him. We don't want to make a secret of it.'

'No,' repeated Mr Pecksniff, after a little reflection. 'I am not the less obliged to you on that account, Mr

'Very well,' said Jonas; 'then you, and I, and Chuffey, and the doctor, will be just a coachful. We'll have the

doctor, Pecksniff, because he knows what was the matter with him, and that it couldn't be helped.'

'Where is our dear friend, Mr Chuffey?' asked Pecksniff, looking round the chamber, and winking both his

But here he was interrupted by Mrs Gamp, who, divested of her bonnet and shawl, came sidling and bridling

into the room; and with some sharpness demanded a conference outside the door with Mr Pecksniff.

'You may say whatever you wish to say here, Mrs Gamp,' said that gentleman, shaking his head with a

'It is not much as I have to say when people is amourning for the dead and gone,' said Mrs Gamp; 'but what

I have to say is TO the pint and purpose, and no offence intended, must be so considered. I have been at a

many places in my time, gentlemen, and I hope I knows what my duties is, and how the same should be

performed; in course, if I did not, it would be very strange, and very wrong in sich a gentleman as Mr Mould,

which has undertook the highest families in this land, and given every satisfaction, so to recommend me as he

does. I have seen a deal of trouble my own self,' said Mrs Gamp, laying greater and greater stress upon her

words, 'and I can feel for them as has their feelings tried, but I am not a Rooshan or a Prooshan, and

Before it was possible that an answer could be returned, Mrs Gamp, growing redder in the face, went on to

'It is not a easy matter, gentlemen, to live when you are left a widder woman; particular when your feelings

works upon you to that extent that you often find yourself agoing out on terms which is a certain loss, and

never can repay. But in whatever way you earns your bread, you may have rules and regulations of your own

which cannot be broke through. Some people,' said Mrs Gamp, again entrenching herself behind her strong

point, as if it were not assailable by human ingenuity, 'may be Rooshans, and others may be Prooshans; they

are born so, and will please themselves. Them which is of other naturs thinks different.'

'If I understand this good lady,' said Mr Pecksniff, turning to Jonas, 'Mr Chuffey is troublesome to her. Shall I

'Do,' said Jonas. 'I was going to tell you he was up there, when she came in. I'd go myself and bring him

Mr Pecksniff promptly departed, followed by Mrs Gamp, who, seeing that he took a bottle and glass from the

'I am sure,' she said, 'that if it wasn't for his own happiness, I should no more mind him being there, poor

dear, than if he was a fly. But them as isn't used to these things, thinks so much of 'em afterwards, that it's a

kindness to 'em not to let 'em have their wish. And even,' said Mrs Gamp, probably in reference to some

flowers of speech she had already strewn on Mr Chuffey, 'even if one calls 'em names, it's only done to rouse

Whatever epithets she had bestowed on the old clerk, they had not roused HIM. He sat beside the bed, in the

chair he had occupied all the previous night, with his hands folded before him, and his head bowed down; and

neither looked up, on their entrance, nor gave any sign of consciousness, until Mr Pecksniff took him by the

'Three score and ten,' said Chuffey, 'ought and carry seven. Some men are so strong that they live to four

scorefour times ought's an ought, four times two's an eighteighty. Oh! whywhywhy didn't he live

'Ah! what a wale of grief!' cried Mrs Gamp, possessing herself of the bottle and glass.

'Why did he die before his poor old crazy servant?' said Chuffey, clasping his hands and looking up in

'I loved him,' cried the old man, weeping. 'He was good to me. We learnt Tare and Tret together at school. I

took him down once, six boys in the arithmetic class. God forgive me! Had I the heart to take him down!'

'Come, Mr Chuffey,' said Pecksniff. 'Come with me. Summon up your fortitude, Mr Chuffey.'

'Yes, I will,' returned the old clerk. 'Yes. I'll sum up my forty How many times fortyOh, Chuzzlewit and

He yielded to the hand that guided him, as he lapsed into this familiar expression, and submitted to be led

away. Mrs Gamp, with the bottle on one knee, and the glass on the other, sat upon a stool, shaking her head

for a long time, until, in a moment of abstraction, she poured out a dram of spirits, and raised it to her lips. It

was succeeded by a second, and by a third, and then her eyeseither in the sadness of her reflections upon

life and death, or in her admiration of the liquorwere so turned up, as to be quite invisible. But she shook

Poor Chuffey was conducted to his accustomed corner, and there he remained, silent and quiet, save at long

intervals, when he would rise, and walk about the room, and wring his hands, or raise some strange and

sudden cry. For a whole week they all three sat about the hearth and never stirred abroad. Mr Pecksniff would

have walked out in the evening time, but Mr Jonas was so averse to his being absent for a minute, that he

abandoned the idea, and so, from morning until night, they brooded together in the dark room, without relief

The weight of that which was stretched out, stiff and stark, in the awful chamber abovestairs, so crushed and

bore down Jonas, that he bent beneath the load. During the whole long seven days and nights, he was always

oppressed and haunted by a dreadful sense of its presence in the house. Did the door move, he looked towards

it with a livid face and starting eye, as if he fully believed that ghostly fingers clutched the handle. Did the

fire fiicker in a draught of air, he glanced over his shoulder, as almost dreading to behold some shrouded

figure fanning and flapping at it with its fearful dress. The lightest noise disturbed him; and once, in the night,

at the sound of a footstep overhead, he cried out that the dead man was walkingtramp, tramp,

He lay at night upon a mattress on the floor of the sittingroom; his own chamber having been assigned to

Mrs Gamp; and Mr Pecksniff was similarly accommodated. The howling of a dog before the house, filled

him with a terror he could not disguise. He avoided the reflection in the opposite windows of the light that

burned above, as though it had been an angry eye. He often, in every night, rose up from his fitful sleep, and

looked and longed for dawn; all directions and arrangements, even to the ordering of their daily meals, he

abandoned to Mr Pecksniff. That excellent gentleman, deeming that the mourner wanted comfort, and that

high feeding was likely to do him infinite service, availed himself of these opportunities to such good

purpose, that they kept quite a dainty table during this melancholy season; with sweetbreads, stewed kidneys,

oysters, and other such light viands for supper every night; over which, and sundry jorums of hot punch, Mr

Pecksniff delivered such moral reflections and spiritual consolation as might have converted a

Heathenespecially if he had had but an imperfect acquaintance with the English tongue.

Nor did Mr Pecksniff alone indulge in the creature comforts during this sad time. Mrs Gamp proved to be

very choice in her eating, and repudiated hashed mutton with scorn. In her drinking too, she was very

punctual and particular, requiring a pint of mild porter at lunch, a pint at dinner, halfapint as a species of

stay or holdfast between dinner and tea, and a pint of the celebrated staggering ale, or Real Old Brighton

Tipper, at supper; besides the bottle on the chimneypiece, and such casual invitations to refresh herself with

wine as the good breeding of her employers might prompt them to offer. In like manner, Mr Mould's men

found it necessary to drown their grief, like a young kitten in the morning of its existence, for which reason

they generally fuddled themselves before they began to do anything, lest it should make head and get the

better of them. In short, the whole of that strange week was a round of dismal joviality and grim enjoyment;

and every one, except poor Chuffey, who came within the shadow of Anthony Chuzzlewit's grave, feasted

At length the day of the funeral, pious and truthful ceremony that it was, arrived. Mr Mould, with a glass of

generous port between his eye and the light, leaned against the desk in the little glass office with his gold

watch in his unoccupied hand, and conversed with Mrs Gamp; two mutes were at the housedoor, looking as

mournful as could be reasonably expected of men with such a thriving job in hand; the whole of Mr Mould's

establishment were on duty within the house or without; feathers waved, horses snorted, silk and velvets

fluttered; in a word, as Mr Mould emphatically said, 'Everything that money could do was done.'

'And what can do more, Mrs Gamp?' exclaimed the undertaker as he emptied his glass and smacked his lips.

'Nothing in the world,' repeated Mr Mould. 'You are right, Mrs.Gamp. Why do people spend more

money'here he filled his glass again'upon a death, Mrs Gamp, than upon a birth? Come, that's in your

'Perhaps it is because an undertaker's charges comes dearer than a nurse's charges, sir,' said Mrs Gamp,

'Ha, ha!' laughed Mr Mould. 'You have been breakfasting at somebody's expense this morning, Mrs Gamp.'

But seeing, by the aid of a little shavingglass which hung opposite, that he looked merry, he composed his

'Many's the time that I've not breakfasted at my own expense along of your recommending, sir; and many's

the time I hope to do the same in time to come,' said Mrs Gamp, with an apologetic curtsey.

'So be it,' replied Mr Mould, 'please Providence. No, Mrs Gamp; I'll tell you why it is. It's because the laying

out of money with a wellconducted establishment, where the thing is performed upon the very best scale,

binds the broken heart, and sheds balm upon the wounded spirit. Hearts want binding, and spirits want

balming when people die; not when people are born. Look at this gentleman to day; look at him.'

'No, no,' said the undertaker; 'not an openhanded gentleman in general, by any means. There you mistake

him; but an afflicted gentleman, an affectionate gentleman, who knows what it is in the power of money to

do, in giving him relief, and in testifying his love and veneration for the departed. It can give him,' said Mr

Mould, waving his watchchain slowly round and round, so that he described one circle after every item; 'it

can give him four horses to each vehicle; it can give him velvet trappings; it can give him drivers in cloth

cloaks and topboots; it can give him the plumage of the ostrich, dyed black; it can give him any number of

walking attendants, dressed in the first style of funeral fashion, and carrying batons tipped with brass; it can

give him a handsome tomb; it can give him a place in Westminster Abbey itself, if he choose to invest it in

such a purchase. Oh! do not let us say that gold is dross, when it can buy such things as these, Mrs Gamp.'

'But what a blessing, sir,' said Mrs Gamp, 'that there are such as you, to sell or let 'em out on hire!'

'Aye, Mrs Gamp, you are right,' rejoined the undertaker. 'We should be an honoured calling. We do good by

stealth, and blush to have it mentioned in our little bills. How much consolation may Ieven I,' cried Mr

Mould, 'have diffused among my fellowcreatures by means of my four longtailed prancers, never

Mrs Gamp had begun to make a suitable reply, when she was interrupted by the appearance of one of Mr

Mould's assistantshis chief mourner in factan obese person, with his waistcoat in closer connection with

his legs than is quite reconcilable with the established ideas of grace; with that cast of feature which is

figuratively called a bottle nose; and with a face covered all over with pimples. He had been a tender plant

once upon a time, but from constant blowing in the fat atmosphere of funerals, had run to seed.

'A beautiful show, sir,' rejoined Tacker. 'The horses are prouder and fresher than ever I see 'em; and toss their

heads, they do, as if they knowed how much their plumes cost. One, two, three, four,' said Mr Tacker,

'Then,' rejoined Mr Mould, putting up his watch, and glancing at himself in the little shavingglass, that he

might be sure his face had the right expression on it; 'then I think we may proceed to business. Give me the

paper of gloves, Tacker. Ah, what a man he was! Ah, Tacker, Tacker, what a man he was!'

Mr Tacker, who from his great experience in the performance of funerals, would have made an excellent

pantomime actor, winked at Mrs Gamp without at all disturbing the gravity of his countenance, and followed

It was a great point with Mr Mould, and a part of his professional tact, not to seem to know the doctor;

though in reality they were near neighbours, and very often, as in the present instance, worked together. So he

advanced to fit on his black kid gloves as if he had never seen him in all his life; while the doctor, on his part,

looked as distant and unconscious as if he had heard and read of undertakers, and had passed their shops, but

'You are very good,' said the doctor, taking a pair. 'Well, sir, as I was sayingI was called up to attend that

case at about halfpast one o'clock. Cake and wine, eh? Which is port? Thank you.'

'At about halfpast one o'clock in the morning, sir,' resumed the doctor, 'I was called up to attend that case.

At the first pull of the nightbell I turned out, threw up the window, and put out my head. Cloak, eh? Don't

Mr Pecksniff having been likewise inducted into a similar garment, the doctor resumed.

'And put out my headhat, eh? My good friend, that is not mine. Mr Pecksniff, I beg your pardon, but I

think we have unintentionally made an exchange. Thank you. Well, sir, I was going to tell you'

'Ready, eh?' said the doctor. 'Very good, Mr Pecksniff, I'll take an opportunity of relating the rest in the

'I was afraid the ground would have been wet,' said the doctor, 'for my glass fell yesterday. We may

congratulate ourselves upon our good fortune.' But seeing by this time that Mr Jonas and Chuffey were going

out at the door, he put a white pockethandkerchief to his face as if a violent burst of grief had suddenly

Mr Mould and his men had not exaggerated the grandeur of the arrangements. They were splendid. The four

hearsehorses, especially, reared and pranced, and showed their highest action, as if they knew a man was

dead, and triumphed in it. 'They break us, drive us, ride us; illtreat, abuse, and maim us for their

So through the narrow streets and winding city ways, went Anthony Chuzzlewit's funeral; Mr Jonas glancing

stealthily out of the coach window now and then, to observe its effect upon the crowd; Mr Mould as he

walked along, listening with a sober pride to the exclamations of the bystanders; the doctor whispering his

story to Mr Pecksniff, without appearing to come any nearer the end of it; and poor old Chuffey sobbing

unregarded in a corner. But he had greatly scandalized Mr Mould at an early stage of the ceremony by

carrying his handkerchief in his hat in a perfectly informal manner, and wiping his eyes with his knuckles.

And as Mr Mould himself had said already, his behaviour was indecent, and quite unworthy of such an

There he was, however; and in the churchyard there he was, also, conducting himself in a no less unbecoming

manner, and leaning for support on Tacker, who plainly told him that he was fit for nothing better than a

walking funeral. But Chuffey, Heaven help him! heard no sound but the echoes, lingering in his own heart, of

'I loved him,' cried the old man, sinking down upon the grave when all was done. 'He was very good to me.

'Come, come, Mr Chuffey,' said the doctor, 'this won't do; it's a clayey soil, Mr Chuffey. You mustn't, really.'

'If it had been the commonest thing we do, and Mr Chuffey had been a Bearer, gentlemen,' said Mould,

casting an imploring glance upon them, as he helped to raise him, 'he couldn't have gone on worse than this.'

'Upon my word, my good friend,' murmured the doctor, in a tone of stately reproof, as he stepped up to the

old man's side, 'this is worse than weakness. This is bad, selfish, very wrong, Mr Chuffey. You should take

example from others, my good sir. You forget that you were not connected by ties of blood with our deceased

'Aye, his own son!' cried the old man, clasping his hands with remarkable passion. 'His own, own, only son!'

'He's not right in his head, you know,' said Jonas, turning pale. 'You're not to mind anything he says. I

shouldn't wonder if he was to talk some precious nonsense. But don't you mind him, any of you. I don't. My

father left him to my charge; and whatever he says or does, that's enough. I'll take care of him.'

A hum of admiration rose from the mourners (including Mr Mould and his merry men) at this new instance of

magnanimity and kind feeling on the part of Jonas. But Chuffey put it to the test no farther. He said not a

word more, and being left to himself for a little while, crept back again to the coach.

It has been said that Mr Jonas turned pale when the behaviour of the old clerk attracted general attention; his

discomposure, however, was but momentary, and he soon recovered. But these were not the only changes he

had exhibited that day. The curious eyes of Mr Pecksniff had observed that as soon as they left the house

upon their mournful errand, he began to mend; that as the ceremonies proceeded he gradually, by little and

little, recovered his old condition, his old looks, his old bearing, his old agreeable characteristics of speech

and manner, and became, in all respects, his old pleasant self. And now that they were seated in the coach on

their return home; and more when they got there, and found the windows open, the light and air admitted, and

all traces of the late event removed; he felt so well convinced that Jonas was again the Jonas he had known a

week ago, and not the Jonas of the intervening time, that he voluntarily gave up his recentlyacquired power

without one faint attempt to exercise it, and at once fell back into his former position of mild and deferential

Mrs Gamp went home to the birdfancier's, and was knocked up again that very night for a birth of twins; Mr

Mould dined gayly in the bosom of his family, and passed the evening facetiously at his club; the hearse, after

standing for a long time at the door of a roistering publichouse, repaired to its stables with the feathers

inside and twelve rednosed undertakers on the roof, each holding on by a dingy peg, to which, in times of

state, a waving plume was fitted; the various trappings of sorrow were carefully laid by in presses for the next

hirer; the fiery steeds were quenched and quiet in their stalls; the doctor got merry with wine at a

weddingdinner, and forgot the middle of the story which had no end to it; the pageant of a few short hours

Not in the churchyard? Not even there. The gates were closed; the night was dark and wet; the rain fell

silently, among the stagnant weeds and nettles. One new mound was there which had not been there last

night. Time, burrowing like a mole below the ground, had marked his track by throwing up another heap of

'Pecksniff,' said Jonas, taking off his hat, to see that the black crape band was all right; and finding that it was,

putting it on again, complacently; 'what do you mean to give your daughters when they marry?'

'My dear Mr Jonas,' cried the affectionate parent, with an ingenuous smile, 'what a very singular inquiry!'

'Now, don't you mind whether it's a singular inquiry or a plural one,' retorted Jonas, eyeing Mr Pecksniff with

'Hum! The question, my dear friend,' said Mr Pecksniff, laying his hand tenderly upon his kinsman's knee, 'is

'Why, that, 'said Mr Pecksniff, 'would naturally depend in a great measure upon the kind of husbands they

Mr Jonas was evidently disconcerted, and at a loss how to proceed. It was a good answer. It seemed a deep

'My standard for the merits I would require in a soninlaw,' said Mr Pecksniff, after a short silence, 'is a

high one. Forgive me, my dear Mr Jonas,' he added, greatly moved, 'if I say that you have spoiled me, and

made it a fanciful one; an imaginative one; a prismatically tinged one, if I may be permitted to call it so.'

'What do you mean by that?' growled Jonas, looking at him with increased disfavour.

'Indeed, my dear friend,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'you may well inquire. The heart is not always a royal mint, with

patent machinery to work its metal into current coin. Sometimes it throws it out in strange forms, not easily

recognized as coin at all. But it is sterling gold. It has at least that merit. It is sterling gold.'

'Aye!' said Mr Pecksniff, warming with his subject 'it is. To be plain with you, Mr Jonas, if I could find two

such sonsinlaw as you will one day make to some deserving man, capable of appreciating a nature such as

yours, I wouldforgetful of myselfbestow upon my daughters portions reaching to the very utmost limit

This was strong language, and it was earnestly delivered. But who can wonder that such a man as Mr

Pecksniff, after all he had seen and heard of Mr Jonas, should be strong and earnest upon such a theme; a

theme that touched even the worldly lips of undertakers with the honey of eloquence!

Mr Jonas was silent, and looked thoughtfully at the landscape. For they were seated on the outside of the

coach, at the back, and were travelling down into the country. He accompanied Mr Pecksniff home for a few

'Well,' he said, at last, with captivating bluntness, 'suppose you got one such soninlaw as me, what then?'

Mr Pecksniff regarded him at first with inexpressible surprise; then gradually breaking into a sort of dejected

'My eldest girl's, Mr Jonas,' replied Pecksniff, with moistening eyes. 'My dear Cherry's; my staff, my scrip,

my treasure, Mr Jonas. A hard struggle, but it is in the nature of things! I must one day part with her to a

'Ecod! you've been prepared for that a pretty long time, I should think,' said Jonas.

'Many have sought to bear her from me,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'All have failed. "I never will give my hand,

papa"those were her words"unless my heart is won." She has not been quite so happy as she used to be,

Again Mr Jonas looked at the landscape; then at the coachman; then at the luggage on the roof; finally at Mr

'I suppose you'll have to part with the other one, some of these days?' he observed, as he caught that

'Probably,' said the parent. 'Years will tame down the wildness of my foolish bird, and then it will be caged.

'Oh, ah!' interrupted Jonas. 'Years have made her all right enough. Nobody doubts that. But you haven't

answered what I asked you. Of course, you're not obliged to do it, you know, if you don't like. You're the best

There was a warning sulkiness in the manner of this speech, which admonished Mr Pecksniff that his dear

friend was not to be trifled with or fenced off, and that he must either return a straight forward reply to his

question, or plainly give him to understand that he declined to enlighten him upon the subject to which it

referred. Mindful in this dilemma of the caution old Anthony had given him almost with his latest breath, he

resolved to speak to the point, and so told Mr Jonas (enlarging upon the communication as a proof of his

great attachment and confidence), that in the case he had put; to wit, in the event of such a man as he

proposing for his daughter's hand, he would endow her with a fortune of four thousand pounds.

'I should sadly pinch and cramp myself to do so,' was his fatherly remark; 'but that would be my duty, and my

conscience would reward me. For myself, my conscience is my bank. I have a trifle invested therea mere

The good man's enemies would have divided upon this question into two parties. One would have asserted

without scruple that if Mr Pecksniff's conscience were his bank, and he kept a running account there, he must

have overdrawn it beyond all mortal means of computation. The other would have contended that it was a

mere fictitious form; a perfectly blank book; or one in which entries were only made with a peculiar kind of

invisible ink to become legible at some indefinite time; and that he never troubled it at all.

'It would sadly pinch and cramp me, my dear friend,' repeated Mr Pecksniff, 'but Providenceperhaps I may

be permitted to say a special Providencehas blessed my endeavours, and I could guarantee to make the

A question of philosophy arises here, whether Mr Pecksniff had or had not good reason to say that he was

specially patronized and encouraged in his undertakings. All his life long he had been walking up and down

the narrow ways and byplaces, with a hook in one hand and a crook in the other, scraping all sorts of

valuable odds and ends into his pouch. Now, there being a special Providence in the fall of a sparrow, it

follows (so Mr Pecksniff, and only such admirable men, would have reasoned), that there must also be a

special Providence in the alighting of the stone or stick, or other substance which is aimed at the sparrow.

And Mr Pecksniff's hook, or crook, having invariably knocked the sparrow on the head and brought him

down, that gentleman may have been led to consider himself as specially licensed to bag sparrows, and as

being specially seized and possessed of all the birds he had got together. That many undertakings, national as

well as individualbut especially the formerare held to be specially brought to a glorious and successful

issue, which never could be so regarded on any other process of reasoning, must be clear to all men.

Therefore the precedents would seem to show that Mr Pecksniff had (as things go) good argument for what

he said and might be permitted to say it, and did not say it presumptuously, vainly, or arrogantly, but in a

Mr Jonas, not being much accustomed to perplex his mind with theories of this nature, expressed no opinion

on the subject. Nor did he receive his companion's announcement with one solitary syllable, good, bad, or

indifferent. He preserved this taciturnity for a quarter of an hour at least, and during the whole of that time

appeared to be steadily engaged in subjecting some given amount to the operation of every known rule in

figures; adding to it, taking from it, multiplying it, reducing it by long and short division; working it by the

ruleofthree direct and inversed; exchange or barter; practice; simple interest; compound interest; and other

means of arithmetical calculation. The result of these labours appeared to be satisfactory, for when he did

break silence, it was as one who had arrived at some specific result, and freed himself from a state of

'Come, old Pecksniff!'Such was his jocose address, as he slapped that gentleman on the back, at the end of

'If you think it won't hurt the man, or render him discontented with his stationcertainly,' faltered Mr

Jonas only laughed at this, and getting down from the coachtop with great alacrity, cut a cumbersome kind

of caper in the road. After which, he went into the publichouse, and there ordered spirituous drink to such an

extent, that Mr Pecksniff had some doubts of his perfect sanity, until Jonas set them quite at rest by saying,

'I've been standing treat for a whole week and more, and letting you have all the delicacies of the season.

YOU shall pay for this Pecksniff.' It was not a joke either, as Mr Pecksniff at first supposed; for he went off

to the coach without further ceremony, and left his respected victim to settle the bill.

But Mr Pecksniff was a man of meek endurance, and Mr Jonas was his friend. Moreover, his regard for that

gentleman was founded, as we know, on pure esteem, and a knowledge of the excellence of his character. He

came out from the tavern with a smiling face, and even went so far as to repeat the performance, on a less

expensive scale, at the next alehouse. There was a certain wildness in the spirits of Mr Jonas (not usually a

part of his character) which was far from being subdued by these means, and, for the rest of the journey, he

was so very buoyantit may be said, boisterousthat Mr Pecksniff had some difficulty in keeping pace

They were not expectedoh dear, no! Mr Pecksniff had proposed in London to give the girls a surprise, and

had said he wouldn't write a word to prepare them on any account, in order that he and Mr Jonas might take

them unawares, and just see what they were doing, when they thought their dear papa was miles and miles

away. As a consequence of this playful device, there was nobody to meet them at the fingerpost, but that

was of small consequence, for they had come down by the day coach, and Mr Pecksniff had only a carpetbag,

while Mr Jonas had only a portmanteau. They took the portmanteau between them, put the bag upon it, and

walked off up the lane without delay; Mr Pecksniff already going on tiptoe as if, without this precaution, his

fond children, being then at a distance of a couple of miles or so, would have some filial sense of his

It was a lovely evening in the springtime of the year; and in the soft stillness of the twilight, all nature was

very calm and beautiful. The day had been fine and warm; but at the coming on of night, the air grew cool,

and in the mellowing distance smoke was rising gently from the cottage chimneys. There were a thousand

pleasant scents diffused around, from young leaves and fresh buds; the cuckoo had been singing all day long,

and was but just now hushed; the smell of earth newlyupturned, first breath of hope to the first labourer after

his garden withered, was fragrant in the evening breeze. It was a time when most men cherish good resolves,

and sorrow for the wasted past; when most men, looking on the shadows as they gather, think of that evening

'Precious dull,' said Mr Jonas, looking about. 'It's enough to make a man go melancholy mad.'

'We shall need 'em by the time we get there,' said Jonas. 'Why the devil don't you talk? What are you thinking

'To tell you the truth, Mr Jonas,' said Pecksniff with great solemnity, 'my mind was running at that moment

Mr Jonas immediately let his burden fall, and said, threatening him with his hand:

Mr Pecksniff not exactly knowing whether allusion was made to the subject or the portmanteau, stared at his

'Drop it, I say!' cried Jonas, fiercely. 'Do you hear? Drop it, now and for ever. You had better, I give you

'It was quite a mistake,' urged Mr Pecksniff, very much dismayed; 'though I admit it was foolish. I might have

'Don't talk to me about tender strings,' said Jonas, wiping his forehead with the cuff of his coat. 'I'm not going

Mr Pecksniff had got out the words 'Crowed over, Mr Jonas!' when that young man, with a dark expression in

'Mind!' he said. 'I won't have it. I advise you not to revive the subject, neither to me nor anybody else. You

can take a hint, if you choose as well as another man. There's enough said about it. Come along!'

Taking up his part of the load again, when he had said these words, he hurried on so fast that Mr Pecksniff, at

the other end of the portmanteau, found himself dragged forward, in a very inconvenient and ungraceful

manner, to the great detriment of what is called by fancy gentlemen 'the bark' upon his shins, which were

most unmercifully bumped against the hard leather and the iron buckles. In the course of a few minutes,

however, Mr Jonas relaxed his speed, and suffered his companion to come up with him, and to bring the

It was pretty clear that he regretted his late outbreak, and that he mistrusted its effect on Mr Pecksniff; for as

often as that gentleman glanced towards Mr Jonas, he found Mr Jonas glancing at him, which was a new

source of embarrassment. It was but a short lived one, though, for Mr Jonas soon began to whistle,

whereupon Mr Pecksniff, taking his cue from his friend, began to hum a tune melodiously.

'Impossible to say,' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'Giddy truants! They may be away from home, perhaps. I was going

tohe! he! he!I was going to propose,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'that we should enter by the back way, and

It might not have been easy to decide in respect of which of their manifold properties, Jonas, Mr Pecksniff,

the carpetbag, and the portmanteau, could be likened to a clap of thunder. But Mr Jonas giving his assent to

this proposal, they stole round into the back yard, and softly advanced towards the kitchen window, through

Truly Mr Pecksniff is blessed in his childrenin one of them, at any rate. The prudent Cherrystaff and

scrip, and treasure of her doting fatherthere she sits, at a little table white as driven snow, before the

kitchen fire, making up accounts! See the neat maiden, as with pen in hand, and calculating look addressed

towards the ceiling and bunch of keys within a little basket at her side, she checks the housekeeping

expenditure! From flatiron, dishcover, and warmingpan; from pot and kettle, face of brass footman, and

blackleaded stove; bright glances of approbation wink and glow upon her. The very onions dangling from

the beam, mantle and shine like cherubs' cheeks. Something of the influence of those vegetables sinks into

It is but for a moment, and he hides it from the observation of his friendvery carefullyby a somewhat

elaborate use of his pocket handkerchief, in fact; for he would not have his weakness known.

'Pleasant,' he murmured, 'pleasant to a father's feelings! My dear girl! Shall we let her know we are here, Mr

'Why, I suppose you don't mean to spend the evening in the stable, or the coachhouse,' he returned.

'That, indeed, is not such hospitality as I would show to YOU, my friend,' cried Mr Pecksniff, pressing his

hand. And then he took a long breath, and tapping at the window, shouted with stentorian blandness:

Cherry dropped her pen and screamed. But innocence is ever bold, or should be. As they opened the door, the

valiant girl exclaimed in a firm voice, and with a presence of mind which even in that trying moment did not

Mr Pecksniff held out his arms. She knew him instantly, and rushed into his fond embrace.

'It was thoughtless of us, Mr Jonas, it was very thoughtless,' said Pecksniff, smoothing his daugther's hair.

Not she. She had seen nothing but her father until now. She saw Mr Jonas now, though; and blushed, and

But where was Merry? Mr Pecksniff didn't ask the question in reproach, but in a vein of mildness touched

with a gentle sorrow. She was upstairs, reading on the parlour couch. Ah! Domestic details had no charms for

HER. 'But call her down,' said Mr Pecksniff, with a placid resignation. 'Call her down, my love.'

She was called and came, all flushed and tumbled from reposing on the sofa; but none the worse for that. No,

'Oh my goodness me!' cried the arch girl, turning to her cousin when she had kissed her father on both

cheeks, and in her frolicsome nature had bestowed a supernumerary salute upon the tip of his nose, 'YOU

'What! you're as lively as ever, are you?' said Jonas. 'Oh! You're a wicked one!'

'There, go along!' retorted Merry, pushing him away. 'I'm sure I don't know what I shall ever do, if I have to

Mr Pecksniff striking in here, with a request that Mr Jonas would immediately walk upstairs, he so far

complied with the young lady's adjuration as to go at once. But though he had the fair Cherry on his arm, he

could not help looking back at her sister, and exchanging some further dialogue of the same bantering

description, as they all four ascended to the parlour; wherefor the young ladies happened, by good fortune,

to be a little later than usual that nightthe teaboard was at that moment being set out.

Mr Pinch was not at home, so they had it all to themselves, and were very snug and talkative, Jonas sitting

between the two sisters, and displaying his gallantry in that engaging manner which was peculiar to him. It

was a hard thing, Mr Pecksniff said, when tea was done, and cleared away, to leave so pleasant a little party,

but having some important papers to examine in his own apartment, he must beg them to excuse him for half

an hour. With this apology he withdrew, singing a careless strain as he went. He had not been gone five

minutes, when Merry, who had been sitting in the window, apart from Jonas and her sister, burst into a

'Oh, I dare say!' rejoined Merry, looking back. 'You're very anxious I should stay, fright, ain't you?'

'Yes, I am,' said Jonas. 'Upon my word I am. I want to speak to you.' But as she left the room

notwithstanding, he ran out after her, and brought her back, after a short struggle in the passage which

'Upon my word, Merry,' urged that young lady, 'I wonder at you! There are bounds even to absurdity, my

'Thank you, my sweet,' said Merry, pursing up her rosy Lips. 'Much obliged to it for its advice. Oh! do leave

me alone, you monster, do!' This entreaty was wrung from her by a new proceeding on the part of Mr Jonas,

who pulled her down, all breathless as she was, into a seat beside him on the sofa, having at the same time

'Now,' said Jonas, clasping the waist of each; 'I have got both arms full, haven't I?'

'One of them will be black and blue tomorrow, if you don't let me go,' cried the playful Merry.

'Pinch him for me, Cherry, pray,' said Mercy. 'I never did hate anybody so much as I hate this creature, I

'No, no, don't say that,' urged Jonas, 'and don't pinch either, because I want to be serious. I sayCousin

'I want to have some sober talk,' said Jonas; 'I want to prevent any mistakes, you know, and to put everything

Neither of the sisters spoke a word. Mr Jonas paused and cleared his throat, which was very dry.

'She'll not believe what I am going to say, will she, cousin?' said Jonas, timidly squeezing Miss Charity.

'Really, Mr Jonas, I don't know, until I hear what it is. It's quite impossible!'

'Why, you see,' said Jonas, 'her way always being to make game of people, I know she'll laugh, or pretend

toI know that, beforehand. But you can tell her I'm in earnest, cousin; can't you? You'll confess you know,

No answer. His throat seemed to grow hotter and hotter, and to be more and more difficult of control.

'You see, Cousin Charity,' said Jonas, 'nobody but you can tell her what pains I took to get into her company

when you were both at the boardinghouse in the city, because nobody's so well aware of it, you know.

Nobody else can tell her how hard I tried to get to know you better, in order that I might get to know her

without seeming to wish it; can they? I always asked you about her, and said where had she gone, and when

would she come, and how lively she was, and all that; didn't I, cousin? I know you'll tell her so, if you haven't

told her so already, andandI dare say you have, because I'm sure you're honourable, ain't you?'

Still not a word. The right arm of Mr Jonasthe elder sister sat upon his rightmay have been sensible of

some tumultuous throbbing which was not within itself; but nothing else apprised him that his words had had

'Even if you kept it to yourself, and haven't told her,' resumed Jonas, 'it don't much matter, because you'll bear

honest witness now; won't you? We've been very good friends from the first; haven't we? and of course we

shall be quite friends in future, and so I don't mind speaking before you a bit. Cousin Mercy, you've heard

what I've been saying. She'll confirm it, every word; she must. Will you have me for your husband? Eh?'

As he released his hold of Charity, to put this question with better effect, she started up and hurried away to

her own room, marking her progress as she went by such a train of passionate and incoherent sound, as

'Let me go away. Let me go after her,' said Merry, pushing him off, and giving himto tell the truthmore

'No, I won't. I can't bear the sight of you. I have told you so a hundred times. You are a fright. Besides, I

'Any trick is fair in love,' said Jonas. 'She may have thought I liked her best, but you didn't.'

'No, you didn't. You never could have thought I liked her best, when you were by.'

'There's no accounting for tastes,' said Merry; 'at least I didn't mean to say that. I don't know what I mean. Let

'If I ever brought myself to say so, it should only be that I might hate and tease you all my life.'

'That's as good,' cried Jonas, 'as saying it right out. It's a bargain, cousin. We're a pair, if ever there was one.'

This gallant speech was succeeded by a confused noise of kissing and slapping; and then the fair but much

Now whether Mr Pecksniff had been listeningwhich in one of his character appears impossible; or divined

almost by inspiration what the matter waswhich, in a man of his sagacity is far more probable; or

happened by sheer good fortune to find himself in exactly the right place, at precisely the right timewhich,

under the special guardianship in which he lived might very reasonably happen; it is quite certain that at the

moment when the sisters came together in their own room, he appeared at the chamber door. And a

marvellous contrast it wasthey so heated, noisy, and vehement; he so calm, so selfpossessed, so cool and

'Children!' said Mr Pecksniff, spreading out his hands in wonder, but not before he had shut the door, and set

'The wretch; the apostate; the false, mean, odious villain; has before my very face proposed to Mercy!' was

'Have you nothing else to say?' cried Charity. 'Am I to be driven mad, papa? He has proposed to Mercy, not

'Oh, fie! For shame!' said Mr Pecksniff, gravely. 'Oh, for shame! Can the triumph of a sister move you to this

terrible display, my child? Oh, really this is very sad! I am sorry; I am surprised and hurt to see you so.

Uttering this apostrophe in a tone full of grief and lamentation, Mr Pecksniff left the room (taking care to shut

the door behind him), and walked downstairs into the parlour. There he found his intended soninlaw,

'Jonas!' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'Jonas! the dearest wish of my heart is now fulfilled!'

'Very well; I'm glad to hear it,' said Jonas. 'That'll do. I say! As it ain't the one you're so fond of, you must

come down with another thousand, Pecksniff. You must make it up five. It's worth that, to keep your treasure

to yourself, you know. You get off very cheap that way, and haven't a sacrifice to make.'

The grin with which he accompanied this, set off his other attractions to such unspeakable advantage, that

even Mr Pecksniff lost his presence of mind for a moment, and looked at the young man as if he were quite

stupefied with wonder and admiration. But he quickly regained his composure, and was in the very act of

changing the subject, when a hasty step was heard without, and Tom Pinch, in a state of great excitement,

On seeing a stranger there, apparently engaged with Mr Pecksniff in private conversation, Tom was very

much abashed, though he still looked as if he had something of great importance to communicate, which

'Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff, 'this is hardly decent. You will excuse my saying that I think your conduct scarcely

'Rather beg this gentleman's pardon, Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff. 'I know you; he does not.My young man,

The soninlaw that was to be gave him a slight nodnot actively disdainful or contemptuous, only

'Could I speak a word with you, sir, if you please?' said Tom. 'It's rather pressing.'

'It should be very pressing to justify this strange behaviour, Mr Pinch,' returned his master. 'Excuse me for

one moment, my dear friend. Now, sir, what is the reason of this rough intrusion?'

'I am very sorry, sir, I am sure,' said Tom, standing, cap in hand, before his patron in the passage; 'and I know

'Yes, I feel that, sir; but the truth is, I was so surprised to see them, and knew you would be too, that I ran

home very fast indeed, and really hadn't enough command over myself to know what I was doing very well. I

was in the church just now, sir, touching the organ for my own amusement, when I happened to look round,

and saw a gentleman and lady standing in the aisle listening. They seemed to be strangers, sir, as well as I

could make out in the dusk; and I thought I didn't know them; so presently I left off, and said, would they

walk up into the organloft, or take a seat? No, they said, they wouldn't do that; but they thanked me for the

music they had heard. In fact,' observed Tom, blushing, 'they said, "Delicious music!" at least, SHE did; and I

am sure that was a greater pleasure and honour to me than any compliment I could have had. IIbeg your

pardon sir;' he was all in a tremble, and dropped his hat for the second time 'but II'm rather flurried, and I

'If you will come back to it, Thomas,' said Mr Pecksniff, with an icy look, 'I shall feel obliged.'

'Yes, sir,' returned Tom, 'certainly. They had a posting carriage at the porch, sir, and had stopped to hear the

organ, they said. And then they saidSHE said, I mean, "I believe you live with Mr Pecksniff, sir?" I said I

had that honour, and I took the liberty, sir,' added Tom, raising his eyes to his benefactor's face, 'of saying, as

I always will and must, with your permission, that I was under great obligations to you, and never could

'Thank you, sir,' cried Tom. 'On that they asked meshe asked, I mean"Wasn't there a bridle road to Mr

'"Without going by the Dragon?" When I said there was, and said how happy I should be to show it 'em, they

sent the carriage on by the road, and came with me across the meadows. I left 'em at the turnstile to run

forward and tell you they were coming, and they'll be here, sir, inin less than a minute's time, I should say,'

'Bless my soul, sir!' cried Tom, 'I meant to mention that at first, I thought I had. I knew themher, I

meandirectly. The gentleman who was ill at the Dragon, sir, last winter; and the young lady who attended

Tom's teeth chattered in his head, and he positively staggered with amazement, at witnessing the

extraordinary effect produced on Mr Pecksniff by these simple words. The dread of losing the old man's

favour almost as soon as they were reconciled, through the mere fact of having Jonas in the house; the

impossibility of dismissing Jonas, or shutting him up, or tying him hand and foot and putting him in the

coalcellar, without offending him beyond recall; the horrible discordance prevailing in the establishment,

and the impossibility of reducing it to decent harmony with Charity in loud hysterics, Mercy in the utmost

disorder, Jonas in the parlour, and Martin Chuzzlewit and his young charge upon the very doorsteps; the total

hopelessness of being able to disguise or feasibly explain this state of rampant confusion; the sudden

accumulation over his devoted head of every complicated perplexity and entanglement for his extrication

from which he had trusted to time, good fortune, chance, and his own plotting, so filled the entrapped

architect with dismay, that if Tom could have been a Gorgon staring at Mr Pecksniff, and Mr Pecksniff could

have been a Gorgon staring at Tom, they could not have horrified each other half so much as in their own

'Dear, dear!' cried Tom, 'what have I done? I hoped it would be a pleasant surprise, sir. I thought you would

The knocking at Mr Pecksniff's door, though loud enough, bore no resemblance whatever to the noise of an

American railway train at full speed. It may be well to begin the present chapter with this frank admission,

lest the reader should imagine that the sounds now deafening this history's ears have any connection with the

knocker on Mr Pecksniff's door, or with the great amount of agitation pretty equally divided between that

Mr Pecksniff's house is more than a thousand leagues away; and again this happy chronicle has Liberty and

Moral Sensibility for its high companions. Again it breathes the blessed air of Independence; again it

contemplates with pious awe that moral sense which renders unto Ceasar nothing that is his; again inhales

that sacred atmosphere which was the life of himoh noble patriot, with many followers!who dreamed of

Freedom in a slave's embrace, and waking sold her offspring and his own in public markets.

How the wheels clank and rattle, and the tramroad shakes, as the train rushes on! And now the engine yells,

as it were lashed and tortured like a living labourer, and writhed in agony. A poor fancy; for steel and iron are

of infinitely greater account, in this commonwealth, than flesh and blood. If the cunning work of man be

urged beyond its power of endurance, it has within it the elements of its own revenge; whereas the wretched

mechanism of the Divine Hand is dangerous with no such property, but may be tampered with, and crushed,

and broken, at the driver's pleasure. Look at that engine! It shall cost a man more dollars in the way of

penalty and fine, and satisfaction of the outraged law, to deface in wantonness that senseless mass of metal,

than to take the lives of twenty human creatures! Thus the stars wink upon the bloody stripes; and Liberty

pulls down her cap upon her eyes, and owns Oppression in its vilest aspect, for her sister.

The enginedriver of the train whose noise awoke us to the present chapter was certainly troubled with no

such reflections as these; nor is it very probable that his mind was disturbed by any reflections at all. He

leaned with folded arms and crossed legs against the side of the carriage, smoking; and, except when he

expressed, by a grunt as short as his pipe, his approval of some particularly dexterous aim on the part of his

colleague, the fireman, who beguiled his leisure by throwing logs of wood from the tender at the numerous

stray cattle on the line, he preserved a composure so immovable, and an indifference so complete, that if the

locomotive had been a suckingpig, he could not have been more perfectly indifferent to its doings.

Notwithstanding the tranquil state of this officer, and his unbroken peace of mind, the train was proceeding

with tolerable rapidity; and the rails being but poorly laid, the jolts and bumps it met with in its progress were

There were three great caravans or cars attached. The ladies' car, the gentlemen's car, and the car for negroes;

the latter painted black, as an appropriate compliment to its company. Martin and Mark Tapley were in the

first, as it was the most comfortable; and, being far from full, received other gentlemen who, like them, were

unblessed by the society of ladies of their own. They were seated side by side, and were engaged in earnest

'And so, Mark,' said Martin, looking at him with an anxious expression, 'and so you are glad we have left

'On the contrairy, sir,' returned Mark. 'The jolliest week as ever I spent in my life, was that there week at

'What do you think of our prospects?' inquired Martin, with an air that plainly said he had avoided the

'Uncommon bright, sir,' returned Mark. 'Impossible for a place to have a better name, sir, than the Walley of

Eden. No man couldn't think of settling in a better place than the Walley of Eden. And I'm told,' added Mark,

after a pause, 'as there's lots of serpents there, so we shall come out, quite complete and reg'lar.'

So far from dwelling upon this agreeable piece of information with the least dismay, Mark's face grew radiant

as he called it to mind; so very radiant, that a stranger might have supposed he had all his life been yearning

for the society of serpents, and now hailed with delight the approaching consummation of his fondest wishes.

'Confound you for a ridiculous fellow!' cried Martin, laughing heartily in spite of himself. 'What military

'As thick as scarecrows in England, sir,' interposed Mark, 'which is a sort of milita themselves, being entirely

coat and wescoat, with a stick inside. Ha, ha!Don't mind me, sir; it's my way sometimes. I can't help being

jolly. Why it was one of them inwading conquerors at Pawkins's, as told me. "Am I rightly informed," he

saysnot exactly through his nose, but as if he'd got a stoppage in it, very high up"that you're agoing to

the Walley of Eden?" "I heard some talk on it," I told him. "Oh!" says he, "if you should ever happen to go to

bed thereyou MAY, you know," he says, "in course of time as civilisation progressesdon't forget to take

a axe with you." I looks at him tolerable hard. "Fleas?" says I. "And more," says he. "Wampires?" says I.

"And more," says he. "Musquitoes, perhaps?" says I. "And more," says he. "What more?" says I. "Snakes

more," says he; "rattlesnakes. You're right to a certain extent, stranger. There air some catawampous

chawers in the small way too, as graze upon a human pretty strong; but don't mind THEMthey're company.

It's snakes," he says, "as you'll object to; and whenever you wake and see one in a upright poster on your

bed," he says, "like a corkscrew with the handle off asittin' on its bottom ring, cut him down, for he means

'Why didn't you tell me this before!' cried Martin, with an expression of face which set off the cheerfulness of

'I never thought on it, sir,' said Mark. 'It come in at one ear, and went out at the other. But Lord love us, he

was one of another Company, I dare say, and only made up the story that we might go to his Eden, and not

'There's some probability in that,' observed Martin. 'I can honestly say that I hope so, with all my heart.'

'I've not a doubt about it, sir,' returned Mark, who, full of the inspiriting influence of the anecodote upon

himself, had for the moment forgotten its probable effect upon his master; 'anyhow, we must live, you know,

'Live!' cried Martin. 'Yes, it's easy to say live; but if we should happen not to wake when rattlesnakes are

'And that's a fact,' said a voice so close in his ear that it tickled him. 'That's dreadful true.'

Martin looked round, and found that a gentleman, on the seat behind, had thrust his head between himself and

Mark, and sat with his chin resting on the back rail of their little bench, entertaining himself with their

conversation. He was as languid and listless in his looks as most of the gentlemen they had seen; his cheeks

were so hollow that he seemed to be always sucking them in; and the sun had burnt him, not a wholesome red

or brown, but dirty yellow. He had bright dark eyes, which he kept half closed; only peeping out of the

corners, and even then with a glance that seemed to say, 'Now you won't overreach me; you want to, but you

won't.' His arms rested carelessly on his knees as he leant forward; in the palm of his left hand, as English

rustics have their slice of cheese, he had a cake of tobacco; in his right a penknife. He struck into the dialogue

with as little reserve as if he had been specially called in, days before, to hear the arguments on both sides,

and favour them with his opinion; and he no more contemplated or cared for the possibility of their not

desiring the honour of his acquaintance or interference in their private affairs than if he had been a bear or a

'That,' he repeated, nodding condescendingly to Martin, as to an outer barbarian and foreigner, 'is dreadful

Martin could not help frowning for a moment, as if he were disposed to insinuate that the gentleman had

unconsciously 'darned' himself. But remembering the wisdom of doing at Rome as Romans do, he smiled

Their new friend said no more just then, being busily employed in cutting a quid or plug from his cake of

tobacco, and whistling softly to himself the while. When he had shaped it to his liking, he took out his old

plug, and deposited the same on the back of the seat between Mark and Martin, while he thrust the new one

into the hollow of his cheek, where it looked like a large walnut, or tolerable pippin. Finding it quite

satisfactory, he stuck the point of his knife into the old plug, and holding it out for their inspection, remarked

with the air of a man who had not lived in vain, that it was 'used up considerable.' Then he tossed it away; put

his knife into one pocket and his tobacco into another; rested his chin upon the rail as before; and approving

of the pattern on Martin's waistcoat, reached out his hand to feel the texture of that garment.

'Well!' resumed their new friend, after staring at them intently during the whole interval of silence; 'how's the

Mr Tapley regarding this inquiry as only another version of the impertinent English question, 'How's your

mother?' would have resented it instantly, but for Martin's prompt interposition.

'Ah!' was the reply. 'How's she? Progressing back'ards, I expect, as usual? Well! How's Queen Victoria?'

'Queen Victoria won't shake in her royal shoes at all, when she hears tomorrow named,' observed the

'She won't be taken with a cold chill, when she realises what is being done in these diggings,' said the

The strange gentleman looked at him as if in pity for his ignorance or prejudice, and said:

'Well, sir, I tell you thisthere ain't a engine with its biler bust, in God A'mighty's free United States, so

fixed, and nipped, and frizzled to a most etarnal smash, as that young critter, in her luxurious location in the

Tower of London will be, when she reads the next doubleextra Watertoast Gazette.'

Several other gentlemen had left their seats and gathered round during the foregoing dialogue. They were

highly delighted with this speech. One very lank gentleman, in a loose limp white cravat, long white

waistcoat, and a black greatcoat, who seemed to be in authority among them, felt called upon to

'In the name of this company, sir, and in the name of our common country, and in the name of that righteous

cause of holy sympathy in which we are engaged, I thank you. I thank you, sir, in the name of the Watertoast

Sympathisers; and I thank you, sir, in the name of the Watertoast Gazette; and I thank you, sir, in the name of

the starspangled banner of the Great United States, for your eloquent and categorical exposition. And if, sir,'

said the speaker, poking Martin with the handle of his umbrella to bespeak his attention, for he was listening

to a whisper from Mark; 'if, sir, in such a place, and at such a time, I might venture to conclude with a

sentiment, glancinghowever slantin'dicularlyat the subject in hand, I would say, sir, may the British

Lion have his talons eradicated by the noble bill of the American Eagle, and be taught to play upon the Irish

Harp and the Scotch Fiddle that music which is breathed in every empty shell that lies upon the shores of

Here the lank gentleman sat down again, amidst a great sensation; and every one looked very grave.

'General Choke,' said Mr La Fayette Kettle, 'you warm my heart; sir, you warm my heart. But the British Lion

is not unrepresented here, sir; and I should be glad to hear his answer to those remarks.'

'Upon my word,' cried Martin, laughing, 'since you do me the honour to consider me his representative, I

have only to say that I never heard of Queen Victoria reading the What'shisname Gazette and that I should

General Choke smiled upon the rest, and said, in patient and benignant explanation:

'But if it is addressed to the Tower of London, it would hardly come to hand, I fear,' returned Martin; 'for she

'The Queen of England, gentlemen,' observed Mr Tapley, affecting the greatest politeness, and regarding

them with an immovable face, 'usually lives in the Mint to take care of the money. She HAS lodgings, in

virtue of her office, with the Lord Mayor at the Mansion House; but don't often occupy them, in consequence

'Mark,' said Martin, 'I shall be very much obliged to you if you'll have the goodness not to interfere with

preposterous statements, however jocose they may appear to you. I was merely remarking

gentlementhough it's a point of very little importthat the Queen of England does not happen to live in

'Hush! Pray, silence!' said General Choke, holding up his hand, and speaking with a patient and complacent

benevolence that was quite touching. 'I have always remarked it as a very extraordinary circumstance, which

I impute to the natur' of British Institutions and their tendency to suppress that popular inquiry and

information which air so widely diffused even in the trackless forests of this vast Continent of the Western

Ocean; that the knowledge of Britishers themselves on such points is not to be compared with that possessed

by our intelligent and locomotive citizens. This is interesting, and confirms my observation. When you say,

sir,' he continued, addressing Martin, 'that your Queen does not reside in the Tower of London, you fall into

an error, not uncommon to your countrymen, even when their abilities and moral elements air such as to

'When she is at the Court of Saint James's, of course,' returned the General, in the same benignant way; 'for if

her location was in Windsor Pavilion it couldn't be in London at the same time. Your Tower of London, sir,'

pursued the General, smiling with a mild consciousness of his knowledge, 'is nat'rally your royal residence.

Being located in the immediate neighbourhood of your Parks, your Drives, your Triumphant Arches, your

Opera, and your Royal Almacks, it nat'rally suggests itself as the place for holding a luxurious and

thoughtless court. And, consequently,' said the General, 'consequently, the court is held there.'

'In print I have, sir,' said the General, 'not otherwise. We air a reading people here, sir. You will meet with

'I have not the least doubt of it,' returned Martin. But here he was interrupted by Mr La Fayette Kettle, who

'I think,' said Martin, addressing himself to the General again, 'that I have the pleasure of being the bearer of a

letter of introduction to you, sir. From Mr Bevan, of Massachusetts,' he added, giving it to him.

The General took it and read it attentively; now and then stopping to glance at the two strangers. When he

had finished the note, he came over to Martin, sat down by him, and shook hands.

'Subject to your opinion, and the agent's advice,' replied Martin. 'I am told there is nothing to be done in the

'I can introduce you to the agent, sir,' said the General. 'I know him. In fact, I am a member of the Eden Land

This was serious news to Martin, for his friend had laid great stress upon the General's having no connection,

as he thought, with any land company, and therefore being likely to give him disinterested advice. The

General explained that he had joined the Corporation only a few weeks ago, and that no communication had

'We have very little to venture,' said Martin anxiously'only a few poundsbut it is our all. Now, do you

think that for one of my profession, this would be a speculation with any hope or chance in it?'

'Well,' observed the General, gravely, 'if there wasn't any hope or chance in the speculation, it wouldn't have

'For the buyers, sir?' observed the General, in a most impressive manner. 'Well! you come from an old

country; from a country, sir, that has piled up golden calves as high as Babel, and worshipped 'em for ages.

We are a new country, sir; man is in a more primeval state here, sir; we have not the excuse of having lapsed

in the slow course of time into degenerate practices; we have no false gods; man, sir, here, is man in all his

dignity. We fought for that or nothing. Here am I, sir,' said the General, setting up his umbrella to represent

himself, and a villanouslooking umbrella it was; a very bad counter to stand for the sterling coin of his

benevolence, 'here am I with grey hairs sir, and a moral sense. Would I, with my principles, invest capital in

this speculation if I didn't think it full of hopes and chances for my brother man?'

Martin tried to look convinced, but he thought of New York, and found it difficult.

'What are the Great United States for, sir,' pursued the General 'if not for the regeneration of man? But it is

nat'ral in you to make such an enquerry, for you come from England, and you do not know my country.'

'Then you think,' said Martin, 'that allowing for the hardships we are prepared to undergo, there is a

'A reasonable opening in Eden, sir! But see the agent, see the agent; see the maps and plans, sir; and conclude

to go or stay, according to the natur' of the settlement. Eden hadn't need to go abegging yet, sir,' remarked

'It is an awful lovely place, surely. And frightful wholesome, likewise!' said Mr Kettle, who had made

Martin felt that to dispute such testimony, for no better reason than because he had his secret misgivings on

the subject, would be ungentlemanly and indecent. So he thanked the General for his promise to put him in

personal communication with the agent; and 'concluded' to see that officer next morning. He then begged the

General to inform him who the Watertoast Sympathisers were, of whom he had spoken in addressing Mr La

Fayette Kettle, and on what grievances they bestowed their Sympathy. To which the General, looking very

serious, made answer, that he might fully enlighten himself on those points tomorrow by attending a Great

Meeting of the Body, which would then be held at the town to which they were travelling; 'over which, sir,'

They came to their journey's end late in the evening. Close to the railway was an immense white edifice, like

an ugly hospital, on which was painted 'NATIONAL HOTEL.' There was a wooden gallery or verandah in

front, in which it was rather startling, when the train stopped, to behold a great many pairs of boots and shoes,

and the smoke of a great many cigars, but no other evidences of human habitation. By slow degrees,

however, some heads and shoulders appeared, and connecting themselves with the boots and shoes, led to the

discovery that certain gentlemen boarders, who had a fancy for putting their heels where the gentlemen

boarders in other countries usually put their heads, were enjoying themselves after their own manner in the

There was a great barroom in this hotel, and a great public room in which the general table was being set out

for supper. There were interminable whitewashed staircases, long whitewashed galleries upstairs and

downstairs, scores of little whitewashed bedrooms, and a foursided verandah to every story in the house,

which formed a large brick square with an uncomfortable courtyard in the centre, where some clothes were

drying. Here and there, some yawning gentlemen lounged up and down with their hands in their pockets; but

within the house and without, wherever half a dozen people were collected together, there, in their looks,

dress, morals, manners, habits, intellect, and conversation, were Mr Jefferson Brick, Colonel Diver, Major

Pawkins, General Choke, and Mr La Fayette Kettle, over, and over, and over again. They did the same things;

said the same things; judged all subjects by, and reduced all subjects to, the same standard. Observing how

they lived, and how they were always in the enchanting company of each other, Martin even began to

At the sounding of a dismal gong, this pleasant company went trooping down from all parts of the house to

the public room; while from the neighbouring stores other guests came flocking in, in shoals; for half the

town, married folks as well as single, resided at the National Hotel. Tea, coffee, dried meats, tongue, ham,

pickles, cake, toast, preserves, and bread and butter, were swallowed with the usual ravaging speed; and then,

as before, the company dropped off by degrees, and lounged away to the desk, the counter, or the barroom.

The ladies had a smaller ordinary of their own, to which their husbands and brothers were admitted if they

'Now, Mark, my good fellow, said Martin, closing the door of his little chamber, 'we must hold a solemn

council, for our fate is decided tomorrow morning. You are determined to invest these savings of yours in

'If I hadn't been determined to make that wentur, sir,' answered Mr Tapley, 'I shouldn't have come.'

'Thirtyseven pound ten and sixpence. The Savings' Bank said so at least. I never counted it. But THEY

know, bless you!' said Mark, with a shake of the head expressive of his unbounded confidence in the wisdom

'The money we brought with us,' said Martin, 'is reduced to a few shillings less than eight pounds.'

Mr Tapley smiled, and looked all manner of ways, that he might not be supposed to attach any importance to

'Upon the ringHER ring, Mark,' said Martin, looking ruefully at his empty finger

'We raised, in English money, fourteen pounds. So, even with that, your share of the stock is still very

much the larger of the two you see. Now, Mark,' said Martin, in his old way, just as he might have spoken to

Tom Pinch, 'I have thought of a means of making this up to youmore than making it up to you, I

'Oh! don't talk of that, you know, sir,' returned Mark. 'I don't want no elevating, sir. I'm all right enough, sir, I

'No, but hear me,' said Martin, 'because this is very important to you, and a great satisfaction to me. Mark,

you shall be a partner in the business; an equal partner with myself. I will put in, as my additional capital, my

professional knowledge and ability; and half the annual profits, as long as it is carried on, shall be yours.'

Poor Martin! For ever building castles in the air. For ever, in his very selfishness, forgetful of all but his own

teeming hopes and sanguine plans. Swelling, at that instant, with the consciousness of patronizing and most

'I don't know, sir,' Mark rejoined, much more sadly than his custom was, though from a very different cause

than Martin supposed, 'what I can say to this, in the way of thanking you. I'll stand by you, sir, to the best of

'We quite understand each other, my good fellow,' said Martin rising in selfapproval and condescension.

'We are no longer master and servant, but friends and partners; and are mutually gratified. If we determine on

Eden, the business shall be commenced as soon as we get there. Under the name,' said Martin, who never

hammered upon an idea that wasn't red hot, 'under the name of Chuzzlewit and Tapley.'

'Lord love you, sir,' cried Mark, 'don't have my name in it. I ain't acquainted with the business, sir. I must be

Co., I must. I've often thought,' he added, in a low voice, 'as I should like to know a Co.; but I little thought as

'Thank'ee, sir. If any country gentleman thereabouts, in the public way, or otherwise, wanted such a thing as a

'Against any architect in the States,' said Martin. 'Get a couple of sherrycobblers, Mark, and we'll drink

Either he forgot already (and often afterwards), that they were no longer master and servant, or considered

this kind of duty to be among the legitimate functions of the Co. But Mark obeyed with his usual alacrity; and

before they parted for the night, it was agreed between them that they should go together to the agent's in the

morning, but that Martin should decide the Eden question, on his own sound judgment. And Mark made no

merit, even to himself in his jollity, of this concession; perfectly well knowing that the matter would come to

The General was one of the party at the public table next day, and after breakfast suggested that they should

wait upon the agent without loss of time. They, desiring nothing more, agreed; so off they all four started for

the office of the Eden Settlement, which was almost within rifleshot of the National Hotel.

It was a small placesomething like a turnpike. But a great deal of land may be got into a dicebox, and

why may not a whole territory be bargained for in a shed? It was but a temporary office too; for the Edeners

were 'going' to build a superb establishment for the transaction of their business, and had already got so far as

to mark out the site. Which is a great way in America. The office door was wide open, and in the doorway

was the agent; no doubt a tremendous fellow to get through his work, for he seemed to have no arrears, but

was swinging backwards and forwards in a rockingchair, with one of his legs planted high up against the

He was a gaunt man in a huge straw hat, and a coat of green stuff. The weather being hot, he had no cravat,

and wore his shirt collar wide open; so that every time he spoke something was seen to twitch and jerk up in

his throat, like the little hammers in a harpsichord when the notes are struck. Perhaps it was the Truth feebly

Two grey eyes lurked deep within this agent's head, but one of them had no sight in it, and stood stock still.

With that side of his face he seemed to listen to what the other side was doing. Thus each profile had a

distinct expression; and when the movable side was most in action, the rigid one was in its coldest state of

watchfulness. It was like turning the man inside out, to pass to that view of his features in his liveliest mood,

Each long black hair upon his head hung down as straight as any plummet line; but rumpled tufts were on the

arches of his eyes, as if the crow whose foot was deeply printed in the corners had pecked and torn them in a

Such was the man whom they now approached, and whom the General saluted by the name of Scadder.

'Active and spry, sir, in my country's service and the sympathetic cause. Two gentlemen on business, Mr

He shook hands with each of themnothing is done in America without shaking handsthen went on

'I think I know what bis'ness you have brought these strangers here upon, then, Gen'ral?'

'You air a tonguey person, Gen'ral. For you talk too much, and that's fact,' said Scadder. 'You speak

alarming well in public, but you didn't ought to go ahead so fast in private. Now!'

'If I can realise your meaning, ride me on a rail!' returned the General, after pausing for consideration.

'You know we didn't wish to sell the lots off right away to any loafer as might bid,' said Scadder; 'but had

'If they air here,' returned the agent, in reproachful accents, 'that's enough. But you didn't ought to have your

The General whispered Martin that Scadder was the honestest fellow in the world, and that he wouldn't have

'I do my duty; and I raise the dander of my feller critters, as I wish to serve,' said Scadder in a low voice,

looking down the road and rocking still. 'They rile up rough, along of my objecting to their selling Eden off

'Mr Scadder,' said the General, assuming his oratorical deportment. 'Sir! Here is my hand, and here my heart.

I esteem you, sir, and ask your pardon. These gentlemen air friends of mine, or I would not have brought 'em

here, sir, being well aware, sir, that the lots at present go entirely too cheap. But these air friends, sir; these air

Mr Scadder was so satisfied by this explanation, that he shook the General warmly by the hand, and got out

of the rockingchair to do it. He then invited the General's particular friends to accompany him into the

office. As to the General, he observed, with his usual benevolence, that being one of the company, he

wouldn't interfere in the transaction on any account; so he appropriated the rockingchair to himself, and

'Heyday!' cried Martin, as his eye rested on a great plan which occupied one whole side of the office. Indeed,

the office had little else in it, but some geological and botanical specimens, one or two rusty ledgers, a

'That's Eden,' said Scadder, picking his teeth with a sort of young bayonet that flew out of his knife when he

A flourishing city, too! An architectural city! There were banks, churches, cathedrals, marketplaces,

factories, hotels, stores, mansions, wharves; an exchange, a theatre; public buildings of all kinds, down to the

office of the Eden Stinger, a daily journal; all faithfully depicted in the view before them.

'But, I am afraid,' said Martin, glancing again at the Public Buildings, 'that there's nothing left for me to do.'

'That?' said the agent, sticking his toothpick into the weathercock on the top. 'Let me see. No; that ain't built.'

'Rather a good job to begin witheh, Mark?' whispered Martin nudging him with his elbow.

Mark, who, with a very stolid countenance had been eyeing the plan and the agent by turns, merely rejoined

A dead silence ensued, Mr Scadder in some short recesses or vacations of his toothpick, whistled a few bars

'I suppose,' said Martin, feigning to look more narrowly at the plan, but showing by his tremulous voice how

much depended, in his mind, upon the answer; 'I suppose there areseveral architects there?'

'Mark,' whispered Martin, pulling him by the sleeve, 'do you hear that? But whose work is all this before us,

'The soil being very fruitful, public buildings grows spontaneous, perhaps,' said Mark.

He was on the agent's dark side as he said it; but Scadder instantly changed his place, and brought his active

In a physical point of view they were decidedly dirty. But it being obvious that Mr Scadder offered them for

examination in a figurative sense, as emblems of his moral character, Martin hastened to pronounce them

'I entreat, Mark,' he said, with some irritation, 'that you will not obtrude remarks of that nature, which,

however harmless and wellintentioned, are quite out of place, and cannot be expected to be very agreeable

'The Co.'s aputting his foot in it already,' thought Mark. 'He must be a sleeping partnerfast asleep and

Mr Scadder said nothing, but he set his back against the plan, and thrust his toothpick into the desk some

twenty times; looking at Mark all the while as if he were stabbing him in effigy.

'You haven't said whose work it is,' Martin ventured to observe at length, in a tone of mild propitiation.

'Well, never mind whose work it is, or isn't,' said the agent sulkily. 'No matter how it did eventuate. P'raps he

cleared off, handsome, with a heap of dollars; p'raps he wasn't worth a cent. P'raps he was a loafin' rowdy;

'P'raps,' pursued the agent, 'them ain't plants of Eden's raising. No! P'raps that desk and stool ain't made from

Eden lumber. No! P'raps no end of squatters ain't gone out there. No! P'raps there ain't no such location in the

But here, at a most opportune and happy time, the General interposed, and called out to Scadder from the

doorway to give his friends the particulars of that little lot of fifty acres with the house upon it; which, having

'You air a deal too openhanded, Gen'ral,' was the answer. 'It is a lot as should be rose in price. It is.'

He grumblingly opened his books notwithstanding, and always keeping his bright side towards Mark, no

matter at what amount of inconvenience to himself, displayed a certain leaf for their perusal. Martin read it

He turned towards it, and reflected for a short time, as if, having been put upon his mettle, he was resolved to

be particular to the very minutest hair's breadth of a shade. At length, after wheeling his toothpick slowly

round and round in the air, as if it were a carrier pigeon just thrown up, he suddenly made a dart at the

'There!' he said, leaving his knife quivering in the wall; 'that's where it is!'

Martin glanced with sparkling eyes upon his Co., and his Co. saw that the thing was done.

The bargain was not concluded as easily as might have been expected though, for Scadder was caustic and

illhumoured, and cast much unnecessary opposition in the way; at one time requesting them to think of it,

and call again in a week or a fortnight; at another, predicting that they wouldn't like it; at another, offering to

retract and let them off, and muttering strong imprecations upon the folly of the General. But the whole of the

astoundingly small sum total of purchasemoneyit was only one hundred and fifty dollars, or something

more than thirty pounds of the capital brought by Co. into the architectural concernwas ultimately paid

down; and Martin's head was two inches nearer the roof of the little wooden office, with the consciousness of

'If it shouldn't happen to fit,' said Scadder, as he gave Martin the necessary credentials on recepit of his

'I am at your service, sir; and I wish you,' said the General, giving him his hand with grave cordiality, 'joy of

your possession. You air now, sir, a denizen of the most powerful and highly civilised dominion that has

ever graced the world; a dominion, sir, where man is bound to man in one vast bond of equal love and truth.

Martin thanked him, and took leave of Mr Scadder; who had resumed his post in the rockingchair,

immediately on the General's rising from it, and was once more swinging away as if he had never been

disturbed. Mark looked back several times as they went down the road towards the National Hotel, but now

his blighted profile was towards them, and nothing but attentive thoughtfulness was written on it. Strangely

different to the other side! He was not a man much given to laughing, and never laughed outright; but every

line in the print of the crow's foot, and every little wiry vein in that division of his head, was wrinkled up into

a grin! The compound figure of Death and the Lady at the top of the old ballad was not divided with a greater

nicety, and hadn't halves more monstrously unlike each other, than the two profiles of Zephaniah Scadder.

The General posted along at a great rate, for the clock was on the stroke of twelve; and at that hour precisely,

the Great Meeting of the Watertoast Sympathisers was to be holden in the public room of the National Hotel.

Being very curious to witness the demonstration, and know what it was all about, Martin kept close to the

General; and, keeping closer than ever when they entered the Hall, got by that means upon a little platform of

tables at the upper end; where an armchair was set for the General, and Mr La Fayette Kettle, as secretary,

'Well, sir!' he said, as he shook hands with Martin, 'here is a spectacle calc'lated to make the British Lion put

Martin certainly thought it possible that the British Lion might have been rather out of his element in that

Ark; but he kept the idea to himself. The General was then voted to the chair, on the motion of a pallid lad of

the Jefferson Brick school; who forthwith set in for a highspiced speech, with a good deal about hearths and

Oh but it was a clincher for the British Lion, it was! The indignation of the glowing young Columbian knew

no bounds. If he could only have been one of his own forefathers, he said, wouldn't he have peppered that

same Lion, and been to him as another Brute Tamer with a wire whip, teaching him lessons not easily

forgotten. 'Lion! (cried that young Columbian) where is he? Who is he? What is he? Show him to me. Let me

have him here. Here!' said the young Columbian, in a wrestling attitude, 'upon this sacred altar. Here!' cried

the young Columbian, idealising the diningtable, 'upon ancestral ashes, cemented with the glorious blood

poured out like water on our native plains of Chickabiddy Lick! Bring forth that Lion!' said the young

Columbian. 'Alone, I dare him! I taunt that Lion. I tell that Lion, that Freedom's hand once twisted in his

mane, he rolls a corse before me, and the Eagles of the Great Republic laugh ha, ha!'

When it was found that the Lion didn't come, but kept out of the way; that the young Columbian stood there,

with folded arms, alone in his glory; and consequently that the Eagles were no doubt laughing wildly on the

mountain tops; such cheers arose as might have shaken the hands upon the HorseGuards' clock, and

The Secretary wrote something, very gravely, on a piece of paper, twisted it up, and had it passed to him from

hand to hand. It was an improvement on the old sentiment: 'Perhaps as remarkable a man as any in our

This young Columbian was succeeded by another, to the full as eloquent as he, who drew down storms of

cheers. But both remarkable youths, in their great excitement (for your true poetry can never stoop to details),

forgot to say with whom or what the Watertoasters sympathized, and likewise why or wherefore they were

sympathetic. Thus Martin remained for a long time as completely in the dark as ever; until at length a ray of

light broke in upon him through the medium of the Secretary, who, by reading the minutes of their past

proceedings, made the matter somewhat clearer. He then learned that the Watertoast Association sympathized

with a certain Public Man in Ireland, who held a contest upon certain points with England; and that they did

so, because they didn't love England at allnot by any means because they loved Ireland much; being

indeed horribly jealous and distrustful of its people always, and only tolerating them because of their working

hard, which made them very useful; labour being held in greater indignity in the simple republic than in any

other country upon earth. This rendered Martin curious to see what grounds of sympathy the Watertoast

Association put forth; nor was he long in suspense, for the General rose to read a letter to the Public Man,

'"SIRI address you on behalf of the Watertoast Association of United Sympathisers. It is founded, sir, in

the great republic of America! and now holds its breath, and swells the blue veins in its forehead nigh to

bursting, as it watches, sir, with feverish intensity and sympathetic ardour, your noble efforts in the cause of

At the name of Freedom, and at every repetition of that name, all the Sympathisers roared aloud; cheering

'"In Freedom's name, sirholy FreedomI address you. In Freedom's name, I send herewith a contribution

to the funds of your society. In Freedom's name, sir, I advert with indignation and disgust to that accursed

animal, with gorestained whiskers, whose rampant cruelty and fiery lust have ever been a scourge, a torment

to the world. The naked visitors to Crusoe's Island, sir; the flying wives of Peter Wilkins; the fruitsmeared

children of the tangled bush; nay, even the men of large stature, anciently bred in the mining districts of

Cornwall; alike bear witness to its savage nature. Where, sir, are the Cormorans, the Blunderbores, the Great

'"Devoted, mind and body, heart and soul, to Freedom, sirto Freedom, blessed solace to the snail upon the

cellardoor, the oyster in his pearly bed, the still mite in his home of cheese, the very winkle of your country

in his shelly lairin her unsullied name, we offer you our sympathy. Oh, sir, in this our cherished and our

happy land, her fires burn bright and clear and smokeless; once lighted up in yours, the lion shall be roasted

It happened that just as the General began to read this letter, the railroad train arrived, bringing a new mail

from England; and a packet had been handed in to the Secretary, which during its perusal and the frequent

cheerings in homage to freedom, he had opened. Now, its contents disturbed him very much, and the moment

the General sat down, he hurried to his side, and placed in his hand a letter and several printed extracts from

English newspapers; to which, in a state of infinite excitement, he called his immediate attention.

The General, being greatly heated by his own composition, was in a fit state to receive any inflammable

influence; but he had no sooner possessed himself of the contents of these documents, than a change came

over his face, involving such a huge amount of choler and passion, that the noisy concourse were silent in a

'My friends!' cried the General, rising; 'my friends and fellow citizens, we have been mistaken in this man.'

'In this,' panted the General, holding up the letter he had read aloud a few minutes before. 'I find that he has

If anything beneath the sky be real, those Sons of Freedom would have pistolled, stabbedin some way

slainthat man by coward hands and murderous violence, if he had stood among them at that time. The most

confiding of their own countrymen would not have wagered thenno, nor would they ever perilone

dunghill straw, upon the life of any man in such a strait. They tore the letter, cast the fragments in the air, trod

down the pieces as they fell; and yelled, and groaned, and hissed, till they could cry no longer.

'I shall move,' said the General, when he could make himself heard, 'that the Watertoast Association of

Down with it! Away with it! Don't hear of it! Burn its records! Pull the room down! Blot it out of human

'But, my fellowcountrymen!' said the General, 'the contributions. We have funds. What is to be done with

It was hastily resolved that a piece of plate should be presented to a certain constitutional Judge, who had laid

down from the Bench the noble principle that it was lawful for any white mob to murder any black man; and

that another piece of plate, of similar value should be presented to a certain Patriot, who had declared from

his high place in the Legislature, that he and his friends would hang without trial, any Abolitionist who might

pay them a visit. For the surplus, it was agreed that it should be devoted to aiding the enforcement of those

free and equal laws, which render it incalculably more criminal and dangerous to teach a negro to read and

write than to roast him alive in a public city. These points adjusted, the meeting broke up in great disorder,

As Martin ascended to his bedroom, his eye was attracted by the Republican banner, which had been hoisted

from the housetop in honour of the occasion, and was fluttering before a window which he passed.

'Tut!' said Martin. 'You're a gay flag in the distance. But let a man be near enough to get the light upon the

As soon as it was generally known in the National Hotel, that the young Englishman, Mr Chuzzlewit, had

purchased a 'location' in the Valley of Eden, and intended to betake himself to that earthly Paradise by the

next steamboat, he became a popular character. Why this should be, or how it had come to pass, Martin no

more knew than Mrs Gamp, of Kingsgate Street, High Holborn, did; but that he was for the time being the

lion, by popular election, of the Watertoast community, and that his society was in rather inconvenient

The first notification he received of this change in his position, was the following epistle, written in a thin

running handwith here and there a fat letter or two, to make the general effect more strikingon a sheet of

'Dear Sir'When I had the privillidge of being your fellowtraveller in the cars, the day before yesterday,

you offered some remarks upon the subject of the tower of London, which (in common with my

'As secretary to the Young Men's Watertoast Association of this town, I am requested to inform you that the

Society will be proud to hear you deliver a lecture upon the Tower of London, at their Hall tomorrow

evening, at seven o'clock; and as a large issue of quarterdollar tickets may be expected, your answer and

'P.S.The Society would not be particular in limiting you to the Tower of London. Permit me to suggest that

any remarks upon the Elements of Geology, or (if more convenient) upon the Writings of your talented and

Very much aghast at this invitation, Martin wrote back, civilly declining it; and had scarcely done so, when

'SirI was raised in those interminable solitudes where our mighty Mississippi (or Father of Waters) rolls

'I am young, and ardent. For there is a poetry in wildness, and every alligator basking in the slime is in

himself an Epic, self contained. I aspirate for fame. It is my yearning and my thirst.

'Are you, sir, aware of any member of Congress in England, who would undertake to pay my expenses to that

'There is something within me which gives me the assurance that this enlightened patronage would not be

thrown away. In literature or art; the bar, the pulpit, or the stage; in one or other, if not all, I feel that I am

'If too much engaged to write to any such yourself, please let me have a list of three or four of those most

likely to respond, and I will address them through the Post Office. May I also ask you to favour me with any

critical observations that have ever presented themselves to your reflective faculties, on "Cain, a Mystery," by

'P.S.Address your answer to America Junior, Messrs. Hancock Floby, Dry Goods Store, as above.'

Both of which letters, together with Martin's reply to each, were, according to a laudable custom, much

tending to the promotion of gentlemanly feeling and social confidence, published in the next number of the

He had scarcely got through this correspondence when Captain Kedgick, the landlord, kindly came upstairs to

see how he was getting on. The Captain sat down upon the bed before he spoke; and finding it rather hard,

'Well, sir!' said the Captain, putting his hat a little more on one side, for it was rather tight in the crown:

'Our citizens, sir,' pursued the Captain, 'intend to pay their respects to you. You will have to hold a sort of

'Well! I didn't fix the mother language, and I can't unfix it,' said the Captain coolly; 'else I'd make it pleasant.

'But why should I receive people who care as much for me as I care for them?' asked Martin.

Martin looked despairingly at Mark, who informed him that the Captain meant a written notice that Mr

Chuzzlewit would receive the Watertoasters that day, at and after two o'clock which was in effect then

'You wouldn't be unpop'lar, I know,' said the Captain, paring his nails. 'Our citizens an't long of riling up, I

'Oh, THEY'll come,' returned the Captain. 'I have seen the big room fixed a'purpose, with my eyes.'

'But will you,' said Martin, seeing that the Captain was about to go; 'will you at least tell me this? What do

they want to see me for? what have I done? and how do they happen to have such a sudden interest in me?'

Captain Kedgick put a thumb and three fingers to each side of the brim of his hat; lifted it a little way off his

head; put it on again carefully; passed one hand all down his face, beginning at the forehead and ending at the

chin; looked at Martin; then at Mark; then at Martin again; winked, and walked out.

'Upon my life, now!' said Martin, bringing his hand heavily upon the table; 'such a perfectly unaccountable

'Why, sir,' returned his partner, 'my opinion is that we must have got to the MOST remarkable man in the

Although this made Martin laugh, it couldn't keep off two o'clock. Punctually, as the hour struck, Captain

Kedgick returned to hand him to the room of state; and he had no sooner got him safe there, than he bawled

down the staircase to his fellowcitizens below, that Mr Chuzzlewit was 'receiving.'

Up they came with a rush. Up they came until the room was full, and, through the open door, a dismal

perspective of more to come, was shown upon the stairs. One after another, one after another, dozen after

dozen, score after score, more, more, more, up they came; all shaking hands with Martin. Such varieties of

hands, the thick, the thin, the short, the long, the fat, the lean, the coarse, the fine; such differences of

temperature, the hot, the cold, the dry, the moist, the flabby; such diversities of grasp, the tight, the loose, the

shortlived, and the lingering! Still up, up, up, more, more, more; and ever and anon the Captain's voice was

heard above the crowd'There's more below! there's more below. Now, gentlemen you that have been

introduced to Mr Chuzzlewit, will you clear gentlemen? Will you clear? Will you be so good as clear,

Regardless of the Captain's cries, they didn't clear at all, but stood there, bolt upright and staring. Two

gentlemen connected with the Watertoast Gazette had come express to get the matter for an article on Martin.

They had agreed to divide the labour. One of them took him below the waistcoat. One above. Each stood

directly in front of his subject with his head a little on one side, intent on his department. If Martin put one

boot before the other, the lower gentleman was down upon him; he rubbed a pimple on his nose, and the

upper gentleman booked it. He opened his mouth to speak, and the same gentleman was on one knee before

him, looking in at his teeth, with the nice scrutiny of a dentist. Amateurs in the physiognomical and

phrenological sciences roved about him with watchful eyes and itching fingers, and sometimes one, more

daring than the rest, made a mad grasp at the back of his head, and vanished in the crowd. They had him in all

points of view: in front, in profile, threequarter face, and behind. Those who were not professional or

scientific, audibly exchanged opinions on his looks. New lights shone in upon him, in respect of his nose.

Contradictory rumours were abroad on the subject of his hair. And still the Captain's voice was heardso

stifled by the concourse, that he seemed to speak from underneath a featherbedexclaiming 'Gentlemen,

Even when they began to clear it was no better; for then a stream of gentlemen, every one with a lady on each

arm (exactly like the chorus to the National Anthem when Royalty goes in state to the play), came gliding

inevery new group fresher than the last, and bent on staying to the latest moment. If they spoke to him,

which was not often, they invariably asked the same questions, in the same tone; with no more remorse, or

delicacy, or consideration, than if he had been a figure of stone, purchased, and paid for, and set up there for

their delight. Even when, in the slow course of time, these died off, it was as bad as ever, if not worse; for

then the boys grew bold, and came in as a class of themselves, and did everything that the grownup people

had done. Uncouth stragglers, too, appeared; men of a ghostly kind, who being in, didn't know how to get out

again; insomuch that one silent gentleman with glazed and fishy eyes and only one button on his waistcoat

(which was a very large metal one, and shone prodigiously), got behind the door, and stood there, like a

Martin felt, from pure fatigue, and heat, and worry, as if he could have fallen on the ground and willingly

remained there, if they would but have had the mercy to leave him alone. But as letters and messages,

threatening his public denouncement if he didn't see the senders, poured in like hail; and as more visitors

came while he took his coffee by himself; and as Mark, with all his vigilance, was unable to keep them from

the door; he resolved to go to bednot that he felt at all sure of bed being any protection, but that he might

He had communicated this design to Mark, and was on the eve of escaping, when the door was thrown open

in a great hurry, and an elderly gentleman entered; bringing with him a lady who certainly could not be

considered youngthat was matter of fact; and probably could not be considered handsomebut that was

matter of opinion. She was very straight, very tall, and not at all flexible in face or figure. On her head she

wore a great straw bonnet, with trimmings of the same, in which she looked as if she had been thatched by an

'I go back Toe my home, sir,' pursued the gentleman, 'by the return train, which starts immediate. Start is not

'You air mistaken, sir,' returned the gentleman, with great decision: 'but we will not pursue the subject, lest it

'Mrs Hominy, sir, is the lady of Major Hominy, one of our chicest spirits; and belongs Toe one of our most

aristocratic families. You air, p'raps, acquainted, sir, with Mrs Hominy's writings.'

'You have much Toe learn, and Toe enjoy, sir,' said the gentleman. 'Mrs Hominy is going Toe stay until the

end of the Fall, sir, with her married daughter at the settlement of New Thermopylae, three days this side of

Eden. Any attention, sir, that you can show Toe Mrs Hominy upon the journey, will be very grateful Toe the

Major and our fellowcitizens. Mrs Hominy, I wish you good night, ma'am, and a pleasant progress on your

Martin could scarcely believe it; but he had gone, and Mrs Hominy was drinking the milk.

'A'most usedup I am, I do declare!' she observed. 'The jolting in the cars is pretty nigh as bad as if the rail

'Well, then, I do suppose you'll hardly realise my meaning, sir,' said Mrs Hominy. 'My! Only think! DO tell!'

It did not appear that these expressions, although they seemed to conclude with an urgent entreaty, stood in

need of any answer; for Mrs Hominy, untying her bonnetstrings, observed that she would withdraw to lay

'Hominy is, sir,' returned his partner'Broad awake! Just the sort of woman, sir, as would be discovered with

her eyes wide open, and her mind aworking for her country's good, at any hour of the day or night.'

They had no opportunity of saying more, for Mrs Hominy stalked in againvery erect, in proof of her

aristocratic blood; and holding in her clasped hands a red cotton pockethandkerchief, perhaps a parting gift

from that choice spirit, the Major. She had laid aside her bonnet, and now appeared in a highly aristocratic

and classical cap, meeting beneath her chin: a style of headdress so admirably adapted to her countenance,

that if the late Mr Grimaldi had appeared in the lappets of Mrs Siddons, a more complete effect could not

Martin handed her to a chair. Her first words arrested him before he could get back to his own seat.

'I am afraid I am dull of comprehension,' answered Martin, 'being extremely tired; but upon my word I don't

Mrs Hominy shook her head with a melancholy smile that said, not inexpressively, 'They corrupt even the

language in that old country!' and added then, as coming down a step or two to meet his low capacity, 'Where

'Very much indeed,' said Martin, half asleep. 'At leastthat is pretty well, ma'am.'

'Most strangersand partick'larly Britishersare much surprised by what they see in the United States,'

'They have excellent reason to be so, ma'am,' said Martin. 'I never was so much surprised in all my life.'

'The most shortsighted man could see that at a glance, with his naked eye,' said Martin.

Mrs Hominy was a philosopher and an authoress, and consequently had a pretty strong digestion; but this

coarse, this indecorous phrase, was almost too much for her. For a gentleman sitting alone with a

A long interval elapsed before even shewoman of masculine and towering intellect though she

wascould call up fortitude enough to resume the conversation. But Mrs Hominy was a traveller. Mrs

Hominy was a writer of reviews and analytical disquisitions. Mrs Hominy had had her letters from abroad,

beginning 'My ever dearest blank,' and signed 'The Mother of the Modern Gracchi' (meaning the married

Miss Hominy), regularly printed in a public journal, with all the indignation in capitals, and all the sarcasm in

italics. Mrs Hominy had looked on foreign countries with the eye of a perfect republican hot from the model

oven; and Mrs Hominy could talk (or write) about them by the hour together. So Mrs Hominy at last came

down on Martin heavily, and as he was fast asleep, she had it all her own way, and bruised him to her heart's

It is no great matter what Mrs Hominy said, save that she had learnt it from the cant of a class, and a large

class, of her fellow countrymen, who in their every word, avow themselves to be as senseless to the high

principles on which America sprang, a nation, into life, as any Orson in her legislative halls. Who are no

more capable of feeling, or of caring if they did feel, that by reducing their own country to the ebb of honest

men's contempt, they put in hazard the rights of nations yet unborn, and very progress of the human race, than

are the swine who wallow in their streets. Who think that crying out to other nations, old in their iniquity, 'We

are no worse than you!' (No worse!) is high defence and 'vantage ground enough for that Republic, but

yesterday let loose upon her noble course, and but today so maimed and lame, so full of sores and ulcers,

foul to the eye and almost hopeless to the sense, that her best friends turn from the loathsome creature with

disgust. Who, having by their ancestors declared and won their Independence, because they would not bend

the knee to certain Public vices and corruptions, and would not abrogate the truth, run riot in the Bad, and

turn their backs upon the Good; and lying down contented with the wretched boast that other Temples also

are of glass, and stones which batter theirs may be flung back; show themselves, in that alone, as

immeasurably behind the import of the trust they hold, and as unworthy to possess it as if the sordid

hucksterings of all their little governmentseach one a kingdom in its small depravitywere brought into a

Martin by degrees became so far awake, that he had a sense of a terrible oppression on his mind; an imperfect

dream that he had murdered a particular friend, and couldn't get rid of the body. When his eyes opened it was

staring him full in the face. There was the horrible Hominy talking deep truths in a melodious snuffle, and

pouring forth her mental endowments to such an extent that the Major's bitterest enemy, hearing her, would

have forgiven him from the bottom of his heart. Martin might have done something desperate if the gong had

not sounded for supper; but sound it did most opportunely; and having stationed Mrs Hominy at the upper

end of the table he took refuge at the lower end himself; whence, after a hasty meal he stole away, while the

It would be difficult to give an adequate idea of Mrs Hominy's freshness next day, or of the avidity with

which she went headlong into moral philosophy at breakfast. Some little additional degree of asperity,

perhaps, was visible in her features, but not more than the pickles would have naturally produced. All that

day she clung to Martin. She sat beside him while he received his friends (for there was another Reception,

yet more numerous than the former), propounded theories, and answered imaginary objections, so that Martin

really began to think he must be dreaming, and speaking for two; she quoted interminable passages from

certain essays on government, written by herself; used the Major's pockethandkerchief as if the snuffle were

a temporary malady, of which she was determined to rid herself by some means or other; and, in short, was

such a remarkable companion, that Martin quite settled it between himself and his conscience, that in any

new settlement it would be absolutely necessary to have such a person knocked on the head for the general

In the meantime Mark was busy, from early in the morning until late at night, in getting on board the

steamboat such provisions, tools and other necessaries, as they had been forewarned it would be wise to take.

The purchase of these things, and the settlement of their bill at the National, reduced their finances to so low

an ebb, that if the captain had delayed his departure any longer, they would have been in almost as bad a

plight as the unfortunate poorer emigrants, who (seduced on board by solemn advertisement) had been living

on the lower deck a whole week, and exhausting their miserable stock of provisions before the voyage

commenced. There they were, all huddled together with the engine and the fires. Farmers who had never seen

a plough; woodmen who had never used an axe; builders who couldn't make a box; cast out of their own land,

with not a hand to aid them: newly come into an unknown world, children in helplessness, but men in

The morning came, and they would start at noon. Noon came, and they would start at night. But nothing is

eternal in this world; not even the procrastination of an American skipper; and at night all was ready.

Dispirited and weary to the last degree, but a greater lion than ever (he had done nothing all the afternoon but

answer letters from strangers; half of them about nothing; half about borrowing money, and all requiring an

instantaneous reply), Martin walked down to the wharf, through a concourse of people, with Mrs Hominy

upon his arm; and went on board. But Mark was bent on solving the riddle of this lionship, if he could; and

Captain Kedgick was sitting in the colonnade, with a julep on his knee, and a cigar in his mouth. He caught

'I'll tell you plainly what it is, Captain,' said Mark. 'I want to ask you a question.'

'A man may ASK a question, so he may,' returned Kedgick; strongly implying that another man might not

The Captain looked at him as if he were half inclined to unburden his mind of a capital joke.

'Our people like excitement,' said the Captain, whispering. 'He ain't like emigrants in gin'ral; and he excited

'em along of this;' he winked and burst into a smothered laugh; 'along of this. Scadder is a smart man,

The wharf was close at hand, and at that instant Mark could hear them shouting out his name; could even hear

Martin calling to him to make haste, or they would be separated. It was too late to mend the matter, or put any

face upon it but the best. He gave the Captain a parting benediction, and ran off like a racehorse.

'Here am I, sir!' shouted Mark, suddenly replying from the edge of the quay, and leaping at a bound on board.

The sparks from the wood fire streamed upward from the two chimneys, as if the vessel were a great firework

There happened to be on board the steamboat several gentlemen passengers, of the same stamp as Martin's

New York friend Mr Bevan; and in their society he was cheerful and happy. They released him as well as

they could from the intellectual entanglements of Mrs Hominy; and exhibited, in all they said and did, so

much good sense and high feeling, that he could not like them too well. 'If this were a republic of Intellect

and Worth,' he said, 'instead of vapouring and jobbing, they would not want the levers to keep it in motion.'

'Having good tools, and using bad ones,' returned Mr Tapley, 'would look as if they was rather a poor sort of

Martin nodded. 'As if their work were infinitely above their powers and purpose, Mark; and they botched it in

'The best on it is,' said Mark, 'that when they do happen to make a decent stroke; such as better workmen,

with no such opportunities, make every day of their lives and think nothing ofthey begin to sing out so

surprising loud. Take notice of my words, sir. If ever the defaulting part of this here country pays its

debtsalong of finding that not paying 'em won't do in a commercial point of view, you see, and is

inconvenient in its consequencesthey'll take such a shine out of it, and make such bragging speeches, that a

man might suppose no borrowed money had ever been paid afore, since the world was first begun. That's the

way they gammon each other, sir. Bless you, I know 'em. Take notice of my words, now!'

'Whether that is,' thought Mark, 'because I'm a day's journey nearer Eden, and am brightening up afore I die, I

He gave no utterance to these sentiments; but the excessive joviality they inspired within him, and the

merriment they brought upon his shining face, were quite enough for Martin. Although he might sometimes

profess to make light of his partner's inexhaustible cheerfulness, and might sometimes, as in the case of

Zephaniah Scadder, find him too jocose a commentator, he was always sensible of the effect of his example

in rousing him to hopefulness and courage. Whether he were in the humour to profit by it, mattered not a jot.

At first they parted with some of their passengers once or twice a day, and took in others to replace them. But

by degrees, the towns upon their route became more thinly scattered; and for many hours together they would

see no other habitations than the huts of the woodcutters, where the vessel stopped for fuel. Sky, wood, and

On they toiled through great solitudes, where the trees upon the banks grew thick and close; and floatad in the

stream; and held up shrivelled arms from out the river's depths; and slid down from the margin of the land,

half growing, half decaying, in the miry water. On through the weary day and melancholy night; beneath the

burning sun, and in the mist and vapour of the evening; on, until return appeared impossible, and restoration

They had now but few people on board, and these few were as flat, as dull, and stagnant, as the vegetation

that oppressed their eyes. No sound of cheerfulness or hope was heard; no pleasant talk beguiled the tardy

time; no little group made common cause against the full depression of the scene. But that, at certain periods,

they swallowed food together from a common trough, it might have been old Charon's boat, conveying

At length they drew near New Thermopylae; where, that same evening, Mrs Hominy would disembark. A

gleam of comfort sunk into Martin's bosom when she told him this. Mark needed none; but he was not

It was almost night when they came alongside the landingplace. A steep bank with an hotel like a barn on

'You sleep here tonight, and go on in the morning, I suppose, ma'am?' said Martin.

Martin looked for it all round the darkening panorama; but he couldn't see it, and was obliged to say so.

'Ah! that; and work it which way you will, it whips Eden,' said Mrs Hominy, nodding her head with great

The married Miss Hominy, who had come on board with her husband, gave to this statement her most

unqualified support, as did that gentleman also. Martin gratefully declined their invitation to regale himself at

their house during the half hour of the vessel's stay; and having escorted Mrs Hominy and the red

pockethandkerchief (which was still on active service) safely across the gangway, returned in a thoughtful

Mark, as he stood beside him, glanced in his face from time to time; anxious to discover what effect this

dialogue had had upon him, and not unwilling that his hopes should be dashed before they reached their

destination, so that the blow he feared might be broken in its fall. But saving that he sometimes looked up

quickly at the poor erections on the hill, he gave him no clue to what was passing in his mind, until they were

'Mark,' he said then, 'are there really none but ourselves on board this boat who are bound for Eden?'

'None at all, sir. Most of 'em, as you know, have stopped short; and the few that are left are going further on.

'How odd it was that the people should have arranged to try their fortune at a wretched hole like that, for

instance, when there is such a much better, and such a very different kind of place, near at hand, as one may

He spoke in a tone so very different from his usual confidence, and with such an obvious dread of Mark's

'Why, you know, sir,' said Mark, as gently as he could by any means insinuate the observation, 'we must

guard against being too sanguine. There's no occasion for it, either, because we're determined to make the

'In the name of Heaven, man,' cried Martin angrily, 'don't talk of Eden in the same breath with that place. Are

After that, he turned away, and walked to and fro upon the deck full two hours. Nor did he speak again,

except to say 'Good night,' until next day; nor even then upon this subject, but on other topics quite foreign to

As they proceeded further on their track, and came more and more towards their journey's end, the

monotonous desolation of the scene increased to that degree, that for any redeeming feature it presented to

their eyes, they might have entered, in the body, on the grim domains of Giant Despair. A flat morass,

bestrewn with fallen timber; a marsh on which the good growth of the earth seemed to have been wrecked

and cast away, that from its decomposing ashes vile and ugly things might rise; where the very trees took the

aspect of huge weeds, begotten of the slime from which they sprung, by the hot sun that burnt them up; where

fatal maladies, seeking whom they might infect, came forth at night in misty shapes, and creeping out upon

the water, hunted them like spectres until day; where even the blessed sun, shining down on festering

elements of corruption and disease, became a horror; this was the realm of Hope through which they moved.

At last they stopped. At Eden too. The waters of the Deluge might have left it but a week before; so choked

There being no depth of water close in shore, they landed from the vessel's boat, with all their goods beside

them. There were a few loghouses visible among the dark trees; the best, a cowshed or a rude stable; but

'Here comes an Edener,' said Mark. 'He'll get us help to carry these things up. Keep a good heart, sir. Hallo

The man advanced toward them through the thickening gloom, very slowly; leaning on a stick. As he drew

nearer, they observed that he was pale and worn, and that his anxious eyes were deeply sunken in his head.

His dress of homespun blue hung about him in rags; his feet and head were bare. He sat down on a stump

halfway, and beckoned them to come to him. When they complied, he put his hand upon his side as if in

'I've had the fever very bad,' he answered faintly. 'I haven't stood upright these many weeks. Those are your

'Yes, sir,' said Mark, 'they are. You couldn't recommend us some one as would lend a hand to help carry 'em

'My eldest son would do it if he could,' replied the man; 'but today he has his chill upon him, and is lying

'I'm sorry for it, governor, with all my heart,' said Mark, shaking him by the hand. 'Don't mind us. Come

along with me, and I'll give you an arm back. The goods is safe enough, sir'to Martin'there ain't many

'No,' cried the man. 'You must look for such folk here,' knocking his stick upon the ground, 'or yonder in the

bush, towards the north. We've buried most of 'em. The rest have gone away. Them that we have here, don't

Mark showed no more uneasiness than if it had been commended to him as ambrosia; but he gave the man his

arm, and as they went along explained to him the nature of their purchase, and inquired where it lay. Close to

his own loghouse, he said; so close that he had used their dwelling as a storehouse for some corn; they

must excuse it that night, but he would endeavour to get it taken out upon the morrow. He then gave them to

understand, as an additional scrap of local chitchat, that he had buried the last proprietor with his own

hands; a piece of information which Mark also received without the least abatement of his equanimity.

In a word, he conducted them to a miserable cabin, rudely constructed of the trunks of trees; the door of

which had either fallen down or been carried away long ago; and which was consequently open to the wild

landscape and the dark night. Saving for the little store he had mentioned, it was perfectly bare of all

furniture; but they had left a chest upon the landingplace, and he gave them a rude torch in lieu of candle.

This latter acquisition Mark planted in the earth, and then declaring that the mansion 'looked quite

comfortable,' hurried Martin off again to help bring up the chest. And all the way to the landingplace and

back, Mark talked incessantly; as if he would infuse into his partner's breast some faint belief that they had

But many a man who would have stood within a home dismantled, strong in his passion and design of

vengeance, has had the firmness of his nature conquered by the razing of an airbuilt castle. When the

loghut received them for the second time, Martin laid down upon the ground, and wept aloud.

'Lord love you, sir!' cried Mr Tapley, in great terror; 'Don't do that! Don't do that, sir! Anything but that! It

never helped man, woman, or child, over the lowest fence yet, sir, and it never will. Besides its being of no

use to you, it's worse than of no use to me, for the least sound of it will knock me flat down. I can't stand up

There is no doubt he spoke the truth, for the extraordinary alarm with which he looked at Martin as he paused

upon his knees before the chest, in the act of unlocking it, to say these words, sufficiently confirmed him.

'I ask your forgiveness a thousand times, my dear fellow,' said Martin. 'I couldn't have helped it, if death had

'Ask my forgiveness!' said Mark, with his accustomed cheerfulness, as he proceeded to unpack the chest. 'The

head partner aasking forgiveness of Co., eh? There must be something wrong in the firm when that happens.

I must have the books inspected and the accounts gone over immediate. Here we are. Everything in its proper

place. Here's the salt pork. Here's the biscuit. Here's the whiskey. Uncommon good it smells too. Here's the

tin pot. This tin pot's a small fortun' in itself! Here's the blankets. Here's the axe. Who says we ain't got a

firstrate fit out? I feel as if I was a cadet gone out to Indy, and my noble father was chairman of the Board of

Directors. Now, when I've got some water from the stream afore the door and mixed the grog,' cried Mark,

running out to suit the action to the word, 'there's a supper ready, comprising every delicacy of the season.

Here we are, sir, all complete. For what we are going to receive, et cetrer. Lord bless you, sir, it's very like a

It was impossible not to take heart, in the company of such a man as this. Martin sat upon the ground beside

'Now you see,' said Mark, when they had made a hearty meal; 'with your knife and mine, I sticks this blanket

right afore the door. Or where, in a state of high civilization, the door would be. And very neat it looks. Then

I stops the aperture below, by putting the chest agin it. And very neat THAT looks. Then there's your blanket,

For all his lighthearted speaking, it was long before he slept himself. He wrapped his blanket round him, put

the axe ready to his hand, and lay across the threshold of the door; too anxious and too watchful to close his

eyes. The novelty of their dreary situation, the dread of some rapacious animal or human enemy, the terrible

uncertainty of their means of subsistence, the apprehension of death, the immense distance and the hosts of

obstacles between themselves and England, were fruitful sources of disquiet in the deep silence of the night.

Though Martin would have had him think otherwise, Mark felt that he was waking also, and a prey to the

same reflections. This was almost worse than all, for if he began to brood over their miseries instead of trying

to make head against them there could be little doubt that such a state of mind would powerfully assist the

influence of the pestilent climate. Never had the light of day been half so welcome to his eyes, as when

awaking from a fitful doze, Mark saw it shining through the blanket in the doorway.

He stole out gently, for his companion was sleeping now; and having refreshed himself by washing in the

river, where it snowed before the door, took a rough survey of the settlement. There were not above a score of

cabins in the whole; half of these appeared untenanted; all were rotten and decayed. The most tottering,

abject, and forlorn among them was called, with great propriety, the Bank, and National Credit Office. It had

some feeble props about it, but was settling deep down in the mud, past all recovery.

Here and there an effort had been made to clear the land, and something like a field had been marked out,

where, among the stumps and ashes of burnt trees, a scanty crop of Indian corn was growing. In some

quarters, a snake or zigzag fence had been begun, but in no instance had it been completed; and the felled

logs, half hidden in the soil, lay mouldering away. Three or four meagre dogs, wasted and vexed with hunger;

some longlegged pigs, wandering away into the woods in search of food; some children, nearly naked,

gazing at him from the huts; were all the living things he saw. A fetid vapour, hot and sickening as the breath

of an oven, rose up from the earth, and hung on everything around; and as his footprints sunk into the

Their own land was mere forest. The trees had grown so think and close that they shouldered one another out

of their places, and the weakest, forced into shapes of strange distortion, languished like cripples. The best

were stunted, from the pressure and the want of room; and high about the stems of all grew long rank grass,

dank weeds, and frowsy underwood; not divisible into their separate kinds, but tangled all together in a heap;

a jungle deep and dark, with neither earth nor water at its roots, but putrid matter, formed of the pulpy offal of

He went down to the landingplace where they had left their goods last night; and there he found some

halfdozen menwan and forlorn to look at, but ready enough to assistwho helped him to carry them to

the loghouse. They shook their heads in speaking of the settlement, and had no comfort to give him. Those

who had the means of going away had all deserted it. They who were left had lost their wives, their children,

friends, or brothers there, and suffered much themselves. Most of them were ill then; none were the men they

had been once. They frankly offered their assistance and advice, and, leaving him for that time, went sadly

Martin was by this time stirring; but he had greatly changed, even in one night. He was very pale and languid;

he spoke of pains and weakness in his limbs, and complained that his sight was dim, and his voice feeble.

Increasing in his own briskness as the prospect grew more and more dismal, Mark brought away a door from

one of the deserted houses, and fitted it to their own habitation; then went back again for a rude bench he had

observed, with which he presently returned in triumph; and having put this piece of furniture outside the

house, arranged the notable tin pot and other such movables upon it, that it might represent a dresser or a

sideboard. Greatly satisfied with this arrangement, he next rolled their cask of flour into the house and set it

up on end in one corner, where it served for a sidetable. No better diningtable could be required than the

chest, which he solemnly devoted to that useful service thenceforth. Their blankets, clothes, and the like, he

hung on pegs and nails. And lastly, he brought forth a great placard (which Martin in the exultation of his

heart had prepared with his own hands at the National Hotel) bearing the inscription, CHUZZLEWIT CO.,

ARCHITECTS AND SURVEYORS, which he displayed upon the most conspicuous part of the premises,

with as much gravity as if the thriving city of Eden had a real existence, and they expected to be

'These here tools,' said Mark, bringing forward Martin's case of instruments and sticking the compasses

upright in a stump before the door, 'shall be set out in the open air to show that we come provided. And now,

if any gentleman wants a house built, he'd better give his orders, afore we're other ways bespoke.'

Considering the intense heat of the weather, this was not a bad morning's work; but without pausing for a

moment, though he was streaming at every pore, Mark vanished into the house again, and presently

reappeared with a hatchet; intent on performing some impossibilities with that implement.

'Here's ugly old tree in the way, sir,' he observed, 'which'll be all the better down. We can build the oven in

the afternoon. There never was such a handy spot for clay as Eden is. That's convenient, anyhow.'

But Martin gave him no answer. He had sat the whole time with his head upon his hands, gazing at the

current as it rolled swiftly by; thinking, perhaps, how fast it moved towards the open sea, the high road to the

Not even the vigorous strokes which Mark dealt at the tree awoke him from his mournful meditation. Finding

all his endeavours to rouse him of no use, Mark stopped in his work and came towards him.

'Oh, Mark,' returned his friend, 'what have I done in all my life that has deserved this heavy fate?'

'Why, sir,' returned Mark, 'for the matter of that, everybody as is here might say the same thing; many of 'em

with better reason p'raps than you or me. Hold up, sir. Do something. Couldn't you ease your mind, now,

'But if you're past that already,' returned Mark, 'you must be ill, and ought to be attended to.'

'Don't mind me,' said Martin. 'Do the best you can for yourself. You'll soon have only yourself to consider.

And then God speed you home, and forgive me for bringing you here! I am destined to die in this place. I felt

it the instant I set foot upon the shore. Sleeping or waking, Mark, I dreamed it all last night.'

'I said you must be ill,' returned Mark, tenderly, 'and now I'm sure of it. A touch of fever and ague caught on

these rivers, I dare say; but bless you, THAT'S nothing. It's only a seasoning, and we must all be seasoned,

'Wait half a minute,' said Mark cheerily, 'till I run up to one of our neighbours and ask what's best to be took,

and borrow a little of it to give you; and tomorrow you'll find yourself as strong as ever again. I won't be

Throwing down his hatchet, he sped away immediately, but stopped when he had got a little distance, and

'Now, Mr Tapley,' said Mark, giving himself a tremendous blow in the chest by way of reviver, 'just you

attend to what I've got to say. Things is looking about as bad as they CAN look, young man. You'll not have

such another opportunity for showing your jolly disposition, my fine fellow, as long as you live. And

'Hallo, Pecksniff!' cried Mr Jonas from the parlour. 'Isn't somebody agoing to open that precious old door of

'Ecod,' muttered the orphan, 'not before it's time neither. Whoever it is, has knocked three times, and each one

loud enough to wake the' he had such a repugnance to the idea of waking the Dead, that he stopped even

'Immediately, Mr Jonas; immediately,' repeated Pecksniff. 'Thomas Pinch'he couldn't make up his mind, in

his great agitation, whether to call Tom his dear friend or a villain, so he shook his fist at him PRO

TEM'go up to my daughters' room, and tell them who is here. Say, Silence. Silence! Do you hear me, sir?

'Directly, sir!" cried Tom, departing, in a state of much amazement, on his errand.

'You'llha, ha, ha!you'll excuse me, Mr Jonas, if I close this door a moment, will you?' said Pecksniff.

'This may be a professional call. Indeed I am pretty sure it is. Thank you.' Then Mr Pecksniff, gently warbling

a rustic stave, put on his garden hat, seized a spade, and opened the street door; calmly appearing on the

threshold, as if he thought he had, from his vineyard, heard a modest rap, but was not quite certain.

Seeing a gentleman and lady before him, he started back in as much confusion as a good man with a crystal

conscience might betray in mere surprise. Recognition came upon him the next moment, and he cried:

'Mr Chuzzlewit! Can I believe my eyes! My dear sir; my good sir! A joyful hour, a happy hour indeed. Pray,

my dear sir, walk in. You find me in my gardendress. You will excuse it, I know. It is an ancient pursuit,

gardening. Primitive, my dear sir. Or, if I am not mistaken, Adam was the first of our calling. MY Eve, I

grieve to say is no more, sir; but'here he pointed to his spade, and shook his head as if he were not cheerful

He had by this time got them into the best parlour, where the portrait by Spiller, and the bust by Spoker,

'My daughters,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'will be overjoyed. If I could feel weary upon such a theme, I should have

been worn out long ago, my dear sir, by their constant anticipation of this happiness and their repeated

allusions to our meeting at Mrs Todgers's. Their fair young friend, too,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'whom they so

desire to know and loveindeed to know her, is to loveI hope I see her well. I hope in saying, "Welcome

to my humble roof!" I find some echo in her own sentiments. If features are an index to the heart, I have no

fears of that. An extremely engaging expression of countenance, Mr Chuzzlewit, my dear sirvery much

'Mary,' said the old man, 'Mr Pecksniff flatters you. But flattery from him is worth the having. He is not a

'He did arrive before you, my dear sir,' retorted Pecksniff, raising his voice for the edification of Tom upon

the stairs, 'and was about, I dare say, to tell me of your coming, when I begged him first to knock at my

daughters' chamber, and inquire after Charity, my dear child, who is not so well as I could wish. No,' said Mr

Pecksniff, answering their looks, 'I am sorry to say, she is not. It is merely an hysterical affection; nothing

more, I am not uneasy. Mr Pinch! Thomas!' exclaimed Pecksniff, in his kindest accents. 'Pray come in. I shall

make no stranger of you. Thomas is a friend of mine, of rather longstanding, Mr Chuzzlewit, you must

'Thank you, sir,' said Tom. 'You introduce me very kindly, and speak of me in terms of which I am very

Tom reported that the young ladies would appear directly, and that the best refreshments which the house

afforded were even then in preparation, under their joint superintendence. While he was speaking, the old

man looked at him intently, though with less harshness than was common to him; nor did the mutual

embarrassment of Tom and the young lady, to whatever cause he attributed it, seem to escape his observation.

'Pecksniff,' he said after a pause, rising and taking him aside towards the window, 'I was much shocked on

hearing of my brother's death. We had been strangers for many years. My only comfort is that he must have

lived the happier and better man for having associated no hopes or schemes with me. Peace to his memory!

We were playfellows once; and it would have been better for us both if we had died then.'

Finding him in this gentle mood, Mr Pecksniff began to see another way out of his difficulties, besides the

'That any man, my dear sir, could possibly be the happier for not knowing you,' he returned, 'you will excuse

my doubting. But that Mr Anthony, in the evening of his life, was happier in the affection of his excellent

sona pattern, my dear sir, a pattern to all sons and in the care of a distant relation who, however lowly in

'You don't,' said Mr Pecksniff, with a melancholy pressure of his hand, 'quite understand my nature yet, I

find. No, sir, I am not a legatee. I am proud to say I am not a legatee. I am proud to say that neither of my

children is a legatee. And yet, sir, I was with him at his own request. HE understood me somewhat better, sir.

He wrote and said, "I am sick. I am sinking. Come to me!" I went to him. I sat beside his bed, sir, and I stood

beside his grave. Yes, at the risk of offending even you, I did it, sir. Though the avowal should lead to our

instant separation, and to the severing of those tender ties between us which have recently been formed, I

make it. But I am not a legatee,' said Mr Pecksniff, smiling dispassionately; 'and I never expected to be a

'His son a pattern!' cried old Martin. 'How can you tell me that? My brother had in his wealth the usual doom

of wealth, and root of misery. He carried his corrupting influence with him, go where he would; and shed it

round him, even on his hearth. It made of his own child a greedy expectant, who measured every day and

hour the lessening distance between his father and the grave, and cursed his tardy progress on that dismal

'But I saw that shadow in his house,' said Martin Chuzzlewit, 'the last time we met, and warned him of its

presence. I know it when I see it, do I not? I, who have lived within it all these years!'

'I deny it,' Mr Pecksniff answered, warmly. 'I deny it altogether. That bereaved young man is now in this

house, sir, seeking in change of scene the peace of mind he has lost. Shall I be backward in doing justice to

that young man, when even undertakers and coffinmakers have been moved by the conduct he has

exhibited; when even mutes have spoken in his praise, and the medical man hasn't known what to do with

himself in the excitement of his feelings! There is a person of the name of Gamp, sirMrs Gampask her.

She saw Mr Jonas in a trying time. Ask HER, sir. She is respectable, but not sentimental, and will state the

fact. A line addressed to Mrs Gamp, at the BirdShop, Kingsgate Street, High Holborn, London, will meet

with every attention, I have no doubt. Let her be examined, my good sir. Strike, but hear! Leap, Mr

Chuzzlewit, but look! Forgive me, my dear sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, taking both his hands, 'if I am warm; but I

In proof of the character he gave himself, Mr Pecksniff suffered tears of honesty to ooze out of his eyes.

The old man gazed at him for a moment with a look of wonder, repeating to himself, 'Here now! In this

'In a friendly spirit, I hope?' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Forgive me, sir but he is in the receipt of my humble

'I said,' replied the old man, 'let me see him. If I were disposed to regard him in any other than a friendly

'Certainly, my dear sir. So you would. You are frankness itself, I know. I will break this happiness to him,'

said Mr Pecksniff, as he left the room, 'if you will excuse me for a minutegently.'

He paved the way to the disclosure so very gently, that a quarter of an hour elapsed before he returned with

Mr Jonas. In the meantime the young ladies had made their appearance, and the table had been set out for the

Now, however well Mr Pecksniff, in his morality, had taught Jonas the lesson of dutiful behaviour to his

uncle, and however perfectly Jonas, in the cunning of his nature, had learnt it, that young man's bearing,

when presented to his father's brother, was anything but manly or engaging. Perhaps, indeed, so singular a

mixture of defiance and obsequiousness, of fear and hardihood, of dogged sullenness and an attempt at

enraging and propitiation, never was expressed in any one human figure as in that of Jonas, when, having

raised his downcast eyes to Martin's face, he let them fall again, and uneasily closing and unclosing his hands

without a moment's intermission, stood swinging himself from side to side, waiting to be addressed.

'As dutiful as sons in general, I suppose,' returned Jonas, looking up and down once more. 'I don't brag to

have been any better than other sons; but I haven't been any worse, I dare say.'

'A pattern to all sons, I am told,' said the old man, glancing towards Mr Pecksniff.

'Ecod!' said Jonas, looking up again for a moment, and shaking his head, 'I've been as good a son as ever you

'You speak bitterly, in the violence of your regret,' said Martin, after a pause. 'Give me your hand.'

Jonas did so, and was almost at his ease. 'Pecksniff,' he whispered, as they drew their chairs about the table; 'I

gave him as good as he brought, eh? He had better look at home, before he looks out of window, I think?'

Mr Pecksniff only answered by a nudge of the elbow, which might either be construed into an indignant

remonstrance or a cordial assent; but which, in any case, was an emphatic admonition to his chosen

soninlaw to be silent. He then proceeded to do the honours of the house with his accustomed ease and

But not even Mr Pecksniff's guileless merriment could set such a party at their ease, or reconcile materials so

utterly discordant and conflicting as those with which he had to deal. The unspeakable jealously and hatred

which that night's explanation had sown in Charity's breast, was not to be so easily kept down; and more than

once it showed itself in such intensity, as seemed to render a full disclosure of all the circumstances then and

there, impossible to be avoided. The beauteous Merry, too, with all the glory of her conquest fresh upon her,

so probed and lanced the rankling disappointment of her sister by her capricious airs and thousand little trials

of Mr Jonas's obedience, that she almost goaded her into a fit of madness, and obliged her to retire from table

in a burst of passion, hardly less vehement than that to which she had abandoned herself in the first tumult of

her wrath. The constraint imposed upon the family by the presence among them for the first time of Mary

Graham (for by that name old Martin Chuzzlewit had introduced her) did not at all improve this state of

things; gentle and quiet though her manner was. Mr Pecksniff's situation was peculiarly trying; for, what with

having constantly to keep the peace between his daughters; to maintain a reasonable show of affection and

unity in his household; to curb the growing ease and gaiety of Jonas, which vented itself in sundry insolences

towards Mr Pinch, and an indefinable coarseness of manner in reference to Mary (they being the two

dependants); to make no mention at all of his having perpetually to conciliate his rich old relative, and to

smooth down, or explain away, some of the ten thousand bad appearances and combinations of bad

appearances, by which they were surrounded on that unlucky eveningwhat with having to do this, and it

would be difficult to sum up how much more, without the least relief or assistance from anybody, it may be

easily imagined that Mr Pecksniff had in his enjoyment something more than that usual portion of alloy

which is mixed up with the best of men's delights. Perhaps he had never in his life felt such relief as when old

'We have rooms,' he said, 'at the Dragon, for the present. I have a fancy for the evening walk. The nights are

'My dear sir!' cried Pecksniff, 'I shall be delighted. Merry, my child, the lantern.'

'The lantern, if you please, my dear,' said Martin; 'but I couldn't think of taking your father out of doors

Mr Pecksniff already had his hat in his hand, but it was so emphatically said that he paused.

'It shall be Thomas, sir,' cried Pecksniff, 'since you are so resolute upon it. Thomas, my friend, be very

Tom was in some need of this injunction, for he felt so nervous, and trembled to such a degree, that he found

it difficult to hold the lantern. How much more difficult when, at the old man's bidding she drew her hand

'And so, Mr Pinch,' said Martin, on the way, 'you are very comfortably situated here; are you?'

Tom answered, with even more than his usual enthusiasm, that he was under obligations to Mr Pecksniff

'Oh dear, yes,' cried Tom, greatly relieved, for his mind was running upon Martin. 'Certainly. I never spoke to

'Perhaps half a lifetime will suffice for the acknowledgment of HIS kindness,' observed the old man.

Tom felt that this was a rebuff for him, and could not but understand it as a lefthanded hit at his employer.

So he was silent. Mary felt that Mr Pinch was not remarkable for presence of mind, and that he could not say

too little under existing circumstances. So SHE was silent. The old man, disgusted by what in his suspicious

nature he considered a shameless and fulsome puff of Mr Pecksniff, which was a part of Tom's hired service

and in which he was determined to persevere, set him down at once for a deceitful, servile, miserable fawner.

So HE was silent. And though they were all sufficiently uncomfortable, it is fair to say that Martin was

perhaps the most so; for he had felt kindly towards Tom at first, and had been interested by his seeming

'You're like the rest,' he thought, glancing at the face of the unconscious Tom. 'You had nearly imposed upon

me, but you have lost your labour. You are too zealous a toadeater, and betray yourself, Mr Pinch.'

During the whole remainder of the walk, not another word was spoken. First among the meetings to which

Tom had long looked forward with a beating heart, it was memorable for nothing but embarrassment and

confusion. They parted at the Dragon door; and sighing as he extinguished the candle in the lantern, Tom

As he approached the first stile, which was in a lonely part, made very dark by a plantation of young firs, a

man slipped past him and went on before. Coming to the stile he stopped, and took his seat upon it. Tom was

rather startled, and for a moment stood still, but he stepped forward again immediately, and went close up to

It was Jonas; swinging his legs to and fro, sucking the head of a stick, and looking with a sneer at Tom.

'Good gracious me!' cried Tom, 'who would have thought of its being you! You followed us, then?'

'One who has as good a right to common consideration as another,' said Tom mildly.

'You're a liar,' said Jonas. 'You haven't a right to any consideration. You haven't a right to anything. You're a

pretty sort of fellow to talk about your rights, upon my soul! Ha, ha! Rights, too!'

'If you proceed in this way,' returned Tom, reddening, 'you will oblige me to talk about my wrongs. But I

'It's the way with you curs,' said Mr Jonas, 'that when you know a man's in real earnest, you pretend to think

he's joking, so that you may turn it off. But that won't do with me. It's too stale. Now just attend to me for a

'What! You mustn't even be called out of your name, mustn't you!' cried Jonas. 'Pauper' prentices are looking

'Never mind what you do in the city,' said Tom. 'What have you got to say to me?'

'Just this, Mister Pinch,' retorted Jonas, thrusting his face so close to Tom's that Tom was obliged to retreat a

step. 'I advise you to keep your own counsel, and to avoid titletattle, and not to cut in where you're not

wanted. I've heard something of you, my friend, and your meek ways; and I recommend you to forget 'em till

I am married to one of Pecksniff's gals, and not to curry favour among my relations, but to leave the course

clear. You know, when curs won't leave the course clear, they're whipped off; so this is kind advice. Do you

understand? Eh? Damme, who are you,' cried Jonas, with increased contempt, 'that you should walk home

'Come!' cried Tom, 'I see that you had better get off the stile, and let me pursue my way home. Make room

'Don't think it!' said Jonas, spreading out his legs. 'Not till I choose. And I don't choose now. What! You're

afraid of my making you split upon some of your babbling just now, are you, Sneak?'

'I am not afraid of many things, I hope,' said Tom; 'and certainly not of anything that you will do. I am not a

talebearer, and I despise all meanness. You quite mistake me. Ah!' cried Tom, indignantly. 'Is this manly

from one in your position to one in mine? Please to make room for me to pass. The less I say, the better.'

'The less you say!' retorted Jonas, dangling his legs the more, and taking no heed of this request. 'You say

very little, don't you? Ecod, I should like to know what goes on between you and a vagabond member of my

'I don't,' said Tom. 'Your uncle's namesake, if you mean him, is no vagabond. Any comparison between you

and him'Tom snapped his fingers at him, for he was rising fast in wrath'is immeasurably to your

'Oh indeed!' sneered Jonas. 'And what do you think of his deary his beggarly leavings, eh, Mister Pinch?'

'As I told you before, you're a liar,' said Jonas, coolly. 'You'll stay here till I give you leave to go. Now, keep

He flourished his stick over Tom's head; but in a moment it was spinning harmlessly in the air, and Jonas

himself lay sprawling in the ditch. In the momentary struggle for the stick, Tom had brought it into violent

contact with his opponent's forehead; and the blood welled out profusely from a deep cut on the temple. Tom

was first apprised of this by seeing that he pressed his handkerchief to the wounded part, and staggered as he

'Are you hurt?' said Tom. 'I am very sorry. Lean on me for a moment. You can do that without forgiving me,

if you still bear me malice. But I don't know why; for I never offended you before we met on this spot.'

He made him no answer; not appearing at first to understand him, or even to know that he was hurt, though

he several times took his handkerchief from the cut to look vacantly at the blood upon it. After one of these

examinations, he looked at Tom, and then there was an expression in his features, which showed that he

Nothing more passed between them as they went home. Jonas kept a little in advance, and Tom Pinch sadly

followed, thinking of the grief which the knowledge of this quarrel must occasion his excellent benefactor.

When Jonas knocked at the door, Tom's heart beat high; higher when Miss Mercy answered it, and seeing her

wounded lover, shireked aloud; higher, when he followed them into the family parlour; higher than at any

'Don't make a noise about it,' he said. 'It's nothing worth mentioning. I didn't know the road; the night's very

dark; and just as I came up with Mr Pinch'he turned his face towards Tom, but not his eyes'I ran against

'Cold water, Merry, my child!' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'Brown paper! Scissors! A piece of old linen! Charity, my

'Oh, bother YOUR nonsense,' returned the gracious soninlaw elect. 'Be of some use if you can. If you

Miss Charity, though called upon to lend her aid, sat upright in one corner, with a smile upon her face, and

didn't move a finger. Though Mercy laved the wound herself; and Mr Pecksniff held the patient's head

between his two hands, as if without that assistance it must inevitably come in half; and Tom Pinch, in his

guilty agitation, shook a bottle of Dutch Drops until they were nothing but English Froth, and in his other

hand sustained a formidable carving knife, really intended to reduce the swelling, but apparently designed

for the ruthless infliction of another wound as soon as that was dressed; Charity rendered not the least

assistance, nor uttered a word. But when Mr Jonas's head was bound up, and he had gone to bed, and

everybody else had retired, and the house was quiet, Mr Pinch, as he sat mournfully on his bedstead,

ruminating, heard a gentle tap at his door; and opening it, saw her, to his great astonishment, standing before

'Mr Pinch,' she whispered. 'Dear Mr Pinch! Tell me the truth! You did that? There was some quarrel between

It was the first time she had ever spoken kindly to Tom, in all the many years they had passed together. He

'Yeyes. We had a struggle for the path,' said Tom. 'But I didn't mean to hurt him so much.'

'Not so much!' she repeated, clenching her hand and stamping her foot, to Tom's great wonder. 'Don't say

that. It was brave of you. I honour you for it. If you should ever quarrel again, don't spare him for the world,

but beat him down and set your shoe upon him. Not a word of this to anybody. Dear Mr Pinch, I am your

She turned her flushed face upon Tom to confirm her words by its kindling expression; and seizing his right

hand, pressed it to her breast, and kissed it. And there was nothing personal in this to render it at all

embarrassing, for even Tom, whose power of observation was by no means remarkable, knew from the

energy with which she did it that she would have fondled any hand, no matter how bedaubed or dyed, that

Tom went into his room, and went to bed, full of uncomfortable thoughts. That there should be any such

tremendous division in the family as he knew must have taken place to convert Charity Pecksniff into his

friend, for any reason, but, above all, for that which was clearly the real one; that Jonas, who had assailed him

with such exceeding coarseness, should have been sufficiently magnanimous to keep the secret of their

quarrel; and that any train of circumstances should have led to the commission of an assault and battery by

Thomas Pinch upon any man calling himself the friend of Seth Pecksniff; were matters of such deep and

painful cogitation that he could not close his eyes. His own violence, in particular, so preyed upon the

generous mind of Tom, that coupling it with the many former occasions on which he had given Mr Pecksniff

pain and anxiety (occasions of which that gentleman often reminded him), he really began to regard himself

as destined by a mysterious fate to be the evil genius and bad angel of his patron. But he fell asleep at last,

and dreamednew source of waking uneasinessthat he had betrayed his trust, and run away with Mary

It must be acknowledged that, asleep or awake, Tom's position in reference to this young lady was full of

uneasiness. The more he saw of her, the more he admired her beauty, her intelligence, the amiable qualities

that even won on the divided house of Pecksniff, and in a few days restored, at all events, the semblance of

harmony and kindness between the angry sisters. When she spoke, Tom held his breath, so eagerly he

listened; when she sang, he sat like one entranced. She touched his organ, and from that bright epoch even it,

the old companion of his happiest hours, incapable as he had thought of elevation, began a new and deified

God's love upon thy patience, Tom! Who, that had beheld thee, for three summer weeks, poring through half

the deadlong night over the jingling anatomy of that inscrutable old harpsichord in the back parlour, could

have missed the entrance to thy secret heart: albeit it was dimly known to thee? Who that had seen the glow

upon thy cheek when leaning down to listen, after hours of labour, for the sound of one incorrigible note,

thou foundest that it had a voice at last, and wheezed out a flat something, distantly akin to what it ought to

be, would not have known that it was destined for no common touch, but one that smote, though gently as an

angel's hand, upon the deepest chord within thee! And if a friendly glanceaye, even though it were as

guileless as thine own, Dear Tomcould have but pierced the twilight of that evening, when, in a voice well

tempered to the time, sad, sweet, and low, yet hopeful, she first sang to the altered instrument, and wondered

at the change; and thou, sitting apart at the open window, kept a glad silence and a swelling heart must not

that glance have read perforce the dawning of a story, Tom, that it were well for thee had never been begun!

Tom Pinch's situation was not made the less dangerous or difficult by the fact of no one word passing

between them in reference to Martin. Honourably mindful of his promise, Tom gave her opportunities of all

kinds. Early and late he was in the church; in her favourite walks; in the village, in the garden, in the

meadows; and in any or all of these places he might have spoken freely. But no; at all such times she

carefully avoided him, or never came in his way unaccompanied. It could not be that she disliked or

distrusted him, for by a thousand little delicate means, too slight for any notice but his own, she singled him

out when others were present, and showed herself the very soul of kindness. Could it be that she had broken

with Martin, or had never returned his affection, save in his own bold and heightened fancy? Tom's cheek

All this time old Martin came and went in his own strange manner, or sat among the rest absorbed within

himself, and holding little intercourse with any one. Although he was unsocial, he was not willful in other

things, or troublesome, or morose; being never better pleased than when they left him quite unnoticed at his

book, and pursued their own amusements in his presence, unreserved. It was impossible to discern in whom

he took an interest, or whether he had an interest in any of them. Unless they spoke to him directly, he never

One day the lively Merry, sitting with downcast eyes under a shady tree in the churchyard, whither she had

retired after fatiguing herself by the imposition of sundry trials on the temper of Mr Jonas, felt that a new

shadow came between her and the sun. Raising her eyes in the expectation of seeing her betrothed, she was

not a little surprised to see old Martin instead. Her surprise was not diminished when he took his seat upon

'Oh! dear Mr Chuzzlewit, my goodness me! I'm sure I don't know. Not yet awhile, I hope.'

'Come!' said the old man, with unusual kindness, 'you are young, goodlooking, and I think goodnatured!

'I have not given it all away, I can tell you,' said Merry, nodding her head shrewdly, and plucking up the

'If it be odd in me to desire to know whether you love the young man whom I understand you are to marry, I

'Why, my dear Mr Chuzzlewit, I'm sure I tell him a hundred times a day that I hate him. You must have heard

'Oh yes,' said Merry. 'But I told the wretchmy dear Mr Chuzzlewit, I told him when he asked methat if I

ever did marry him, it should only be that I might hate and tease him all my life.'

She had a suspicion that the old man regarded Jonas with anything but favour, and intended these remarks to

be extremely captivating. He did not appear, however, to regard them in that light by any means; for when he

'Look about you,' he said, pointing to the graves; 'and remember that from your bridal hour to the day which

sees you brought as low as these, and laid in such a bed, there will be no appeal against him. Think, and

speak, and act, for once, like an accountable creature. Is any control put upon your inclinations? Are you

forced into this match? Are you insidiously advised or tempted to contract it, by any one? I will not ask by

'No,' replied Merry. 'Nobody ever said anything to me about it. If any one had tried to make me have him, I

'I am told that he was at first supposed to be your sister's admirer,' said Martin.

'Oh, good gracious! My dear Mr Chuzzlewit, it would be very hard to make him, though he IS a monster,

accountable for other people's vanity,' said Merry. 'And poor dear Cherry is the vainest darling!'

'I hope it was,' cried Merry; 'but, all along, the dear child has been so dreadfully jealous, and SO cross, that,

upon my word and honour, it's impossible to please her, and it's of no use trying.'

'Not forced, persuaded, or controlled,' said Martin, thoughtfully. 'And that's true, I see. There is one chance

yet. You may have lapsed into this engagement in very giddiness. It may have been the wanton act of a light

'My dear Mr Chuzzlewit,' simpered Merry, 'as to lightheadedness, there never was such a feather of a head

He waited quietly till she had finished, and then said, steadily and slowly, and in a softened voice, as if he

'Have you any wishor is there anything within your breast that whispers you may form the wish, if you

Again Miss Merry pouted, and looked down, and plucked the grass, and shrugged her shoulders. No. She

didn't know that she had. She was pretty sure she hadn't. Quite sure, she might say. She 'didn't mind it.'

'Has it ever occurred to you,' said Martin, 'that your married life may perhaps be miserable, full of bitterness,

'My dear Mr Chuzzlewit, what shocking words! Of course, I shall quarrel with him. I should quarrel with any

husband. Married people always quarrel, I believe. But as to being miserable, and bitter, and all those

dreadful things, you know, why I couldn't be absolutely that, unless he always had the best of it; and I mean

to have the best of it myself. I always do now,' cried Merry, nodding her head and giggling very much; 'for I

'Let it go on,' said Martin, rising. 'Let it go on! I sought to know your mind, my dear, and you have shown it

me. I wish you joy. Joy!' he repeated, looking full upon her, and pointing to the wicketgate where Jonas

entered at the moment. And then, without waiting for his nephew, he passed out at another gate, and went

'Oh, you terrible old man!' cried the facetious Merry to herself. 'What a perfectly hideous monster to be

wandering about churchyards in the broad daylight, frightening people out of their wits! Don't come here,

Mr Jonas was the Griffin. He sat down upon the grass at her side, in spite of this warning, and sulkily

'Oh, yes, I dare say! We all know that. He means to give you some present worth having, I hope. Did he say

'Griffin!' cried Miss Mercy, in counterfeit amazement; 'what are you doing, Griffin?'

'Only giving you a squeeze,' said the discomfited Jonas. 'There's no harm in that, I suppose?'

'But there is great deal of harm in it, if I don't consider it agreeable,' returned his cousin. 'Do go along, will

Mr Jonas withdrew his arm, and for a moment looked at her more like a murderer than a lover. But he cleared

'When is it to be? I can't afford to go on dawdling about here half my life, I needn't tell you, and Pecksniff

says that father's being so lately dead makes very little odds; for we can be married as quiet as we please

down here, and my being lonely is a good reason to the neighbours for taking a wife home so soon, especially

one that he knew. As to crossbones (my uncle, I mean), he's sure not to put a spoke in the wheel, whatever we

settle on, for he told Pecksniff only this morning, that if YOU liked it he'd nothing at all to say. So, Mel,' said

'To next week! If you had said next quarter, I should have wondered at your impudence.'

'Then, Griffin,' cried Miss Merry, pushing him off, and rising. 'I say no! not next week. It shan't be till I

He glanced up at her from the ground, almost as darkly as he had looked at Tom Pinch; but held his peace.

'No fright of a Griffin with a patch over his eye shall dictate to me or have a voice in the matter,' said Merry.

'If it's next month, that shall be the very earliest; but I won't say when it shall be till tomorrow; and if you

don't like that, it shall never be at all,' said Merry; 'and if you follow me about and won't leave me alone, it

shall never be at all. There!v And if you don't do everything I order you to do, it shall never be at all. So don't

'Ecod, my lady!' said Jonas, looking after her, and biting a piece of straw, almost to powder; 'you'll catch it

for this, when you ARE married. It's all very well nowit keeps one on, somehow, and you know itbut I'll

pay you off scot and lot byandbye. This is a plaguey dull sort of a place for a man to be sitting by himself

As he turned into the avenue himself, Miss Merry, who was far ahead, happened to look back.

'Ah!' said Jonas, with a sullen smile, and a nod that was not addressed to her. 'Make the most of it while it

lasts. Get in your hay while the sun shines. Take your own way as long as it's in your power, my lady!'

Mr Mould was surrounded by his household gods. He was enjoying the sweets of domestic repose, and

gazing on them with a calm delight. The day being sultry, and the window open, the legs of Mr Mould were

on the windowseat, and his back reclined against the shutter. Over his shining head a handkerchief was

drawn, to guard his baldness from the flies. The room was fragrant with the smell of punch, a tumbler of

which grateful compound stood upon a small round table, convenient to the hand of Mr Mould; so deftly

mixed that as his eye looked down into the cool transparent drink, another eye, peering brightly from behind

Deep in the City, and within the ward of Cheap, stood Mr Mould's establishment. His Harem, or, in other

words, the common sitting room of Mrs Mould and family, was at the back, over the little countinghouse

behind the shop; abutting on a churchyard small and shady. In this domestic chamber Mr Mould now sat;

gazing, a placid man, upon his punch and home. If, for a moment at a time, he sought a wider prospect,

whence he might return with freshened zest to these enjoyments, his moist glance wandered like a sunbeam

through a rural screen of scarlet runners, trained on strings before the window, and he looked down, with an

The partner of his life, and daughters twain, were Mr Mould's companions. Plump as any partridge was each

Miss Mould, and Mrs M. was plumper than the two together. So round and chubby were their fair

proportions, that they might have been the bodies once belonging to the angels' faces in the shop below,

grown up, with other heads attached to make them mortal. Even their peachy cheeks were puffed out and

distended, as though they ought of right to be performing on celestial trumpets. The bodiless cherubs in the

shop, who were depicted as constantly blowing those instruments for ever and ever without any lungs,

Mr Mould looked lovingly at Mrs Mould, who sat hard by, and was a helpmate to him in his punch as in all

other things. Each seraph daughter, too, enjoyed her share of his regards, and smiled upon him in return. So

bountiful were Mr Mould's possessions, and so large his stock in trade, that even there, within his household

sanctuary, stood a cumbrous press, whose mahogany maw was filled with shrouds, and windingsheets, and

other furniture of funerals. But, though the Misses Mould had been brought up, as one may say, beneath his

eye, it had cast no shadow on their timid infancy or blooming youth. Sporting behind the scenes of death and

burial from cradlehood, the Misses Mould knew better. Hatbands, to them, were but so many yards of silk

or crape; the final robe but such a quantity of linen. The Misses Mould could idealise a player's habit, or a

courtlady's petticoat, or even an act of parliament. But they were not to be taken in by palls. They made

The premises of Mr Mould were hard of hearing to the boisterous noises in the great main streets, and nestled

in a quiet corner, where the City strife became a drowsy hum, that sometimes rose and sometimes fell and

sometimes altogether ceased; suggesting to a thoughtful mind a stoppage in Cheapside. The light came

sparkling in among the scarlet runners, as if the churchyard winked at Mr Mould, and said, 'We understand

each other;' and from the distant shop a pleasant sound arose of coffinmaking with a low melodious

'Quite the buzz of insects,' said Mr Mould, closing his eyes in a perfect luxury. 'It puts one in mind of the

sound of animated nature in the agricultural districts. It's exactly like the woodpecker tapping.'

'The woodpecker tapping the hollow ELM tree,' observed Mrs Mould, adapting the words of the popular

'Ha, ha!' laughed Mr Mould. 'Not at all bad, my dear. We shall be glad to hear from you again, Mrs M.

Hollow elm tree, eh! Ha, ha! Very good indeed. I've seen worse than that in the Sunday papers, my love.'

Mrs Mould, thus encouraged, took a little more of the punch, and handed it to her daughters, who dutifully

'Hollow ELM tree, eh?' said Mr Mould, making a slight motion with his legs in his enjoyment of the joke. 'It's

beech in the song. Elm, eh? Yes, to be sure. Ha, ha, ha! Upon my soul, that's one of the best things I know?'

He was so excessively tickled by the jest that he couldn't forget it, but repeated twenty times, 'Elm, eh? Yes,

to be sure. Elm, of course. Ha, ha, ha! Upon my life, you know, that ought to be sent to somebody who could

make use of it. It's one of the smartest things that ever was said. Hollow ELM tree, eh? of course. Very

'That's Tacker, I know,' said Mrs Mould, 'by the wheezing he makes. Who that hears him now, would suppose

'Beg your pardon, ma'am,' said Tacker, looking in a little way. 'I thought our Governor was here.'

'Oh! I didn't see you, I'm sure,' said Tacker, looking in a little farther. 'You wouldn't be inclined to take a

'Tell 'em to go somewhere else. We don't do that style of business here,' said Mr Mould. 'Like their

'Why,' returned Tacker, pausing, 'that's where it is, you see. It's the beadle's soninlaw.'

'The beadle's soninlaw, eh?' said Mould. 'Well! I'll do it if the beadle follows in his cocked hat; not else.

We carry it off that way, by looking official, but it'll be low enough, then. His cocked hat, mind!'

'I'll take care, sir,' rejoined Tacker. 'Oh! Mrs Gamp's below, and wants to speak to you.'

The lady in question was by this time in the doorway, curtseying to Mrs Mould. At the same moment a

peculiar fragrance was borne upon the breeze, as if a passing fairy had hiccoughed, and had previously been

Mrs Gamp made no response to Mr Mould, but curtseyed to Mrs Mould again, and held up her hands and

eyes, as in a devout thanksgiving that she looked so well. She was neatly, but not gaudily attired, in the weeds

she had worn when Mr Pecksniff had the pleasure of making her acquaintance; and was perhaps the turning

'There are some happy creeturs,' Mrs Gamp observed, 'as time runs back'ards with, and you are one, Mrs

Mould; not that he need do nothing except use you in his most owldacious way for years to come, I'm sure;

for young you are and will be. I says to Mrs Harris,' Mrs Gamp continued, 'only t'other day; the last Monday

evening fortnight as ever dawned upon this Piljian's Projiss of a mortal wale; I says to Mrs Harris when she

says to me, "Years and our trials, Mrs Gamp, sets marks upon us all.""Say not the words, Mrs Harris, if

you and me is to be continual friends, for sech is not the case. Mrs Mould," I says, making so free, I will

confess, as use the name,' (she curtseyed here), '"is one of them that goes agen the obserwation straight; and

never, Mrs Harris, whilst I've a drop of breath to draw, will I set by, and not stand up, don't think it." "I ast

your pardon, ma'am," says Mrs Harris, "and I humbly grant your grace; for if ever a woman lived as would

see her feller creeturs into fits to serve her friends, well do I know that woman's name is Sairey Gamp."'

At this point she was fain to stop for breath; and advantage may be taken of the circumstance, to state that a

fearful mystery surrounded this lady of the name of Harris, whom no one in the circle of Mrs Gamp's

acquaintance had ever seen; neither did any human being know her place of residence, though Mrs Gamp

appeared on her own showing to be in constant communication with her. There were conflicting rumours on

the subject; but the prevalent opinion was that she was a phantom of Mrs Gamp's brainas Messrs. Doe and

Roe are fictions of the lawcreated for the express purpose of holding visionary dialogues with her on all

manner of subjects, and invariably winding up with a compliment to the excellence of her nature.

'And likeways what a pleasure,' said Mrs Gamp, turning with a tearful smile towards the daughters, 'to see

them two young ladies as I know'd afore a tooth in their pretty heads was cut, and have many a day seenah,

the sweet creeturs!playing at berryins down in the shop, and follerin' the orderbook to its long home in

the iron safe! But that's all past and over, Mr Mould;' as she thus got in a carefully regulated routine to that

gentleman, she shook her head waggishly; 'That's all past and over now, sir, an't it?'

'More changes too, to come, afore we've done with changes, sir,' said Mrs Gamp, nodding yet more

waggishly than before. 'Young ladies with such faces thinks of something else besides berryins, don't they,

'I am sure I don't know, Mrs Gamp,' said Mould, with a chuckle'Not bad in Mrs Gamp, my dear?'

'Oh yes, you do know, sir!' said Mrs Gamp, 'and so does Mrs Mould, your 'ansome pardner too, sir; and so do

I, although the blessing of a daughter was deniged me; which, if we had had one, Gamp would certainly have

drunk its little shoes right off its feet, as with our precious boy he did, and arterward send the child a errand to

sell his wooden leg for any money it would fetch as matches in the rough, and bring it home in liquor; which

was truly done beyond his years, for ev'ry individgle penny that child lost at toss or buy for kidney ones; and

come home arterwards quite bold, to break the news, and offering to drown himself if sech would be a

satisfaction to his parents.Oh yes, you do know, sir,' said Mrs Gamp, wiping her eye with her shawl, and

resuming the thread of her discourse. 'There's something besides births and berryins in the newspapers, an't

Mr Mould winked at Mrs Mould, whom he had by this time taken on his knee, and said: 'No doubt. A good

'There's marryings, an't there, sir?' said Mrs Gamp, while both the daughters blushed and tittered. 'Bless their

precious hearts, and well they knows it! Well you know'd it too, and well did Mrs Mould, when you was at

their time of life! But my opinion is, you're all of one age now. For as to you and Mrs Mould, sir, ever having

'Oh! Fie, fie! Nonsense, Mrs Gamp,' replied the undertaker. 'Devilish smart, though. Capital!'this was in

a whisper. 'My dear'aloud again'Mrs Gamp can drink a glass of rum, I dare say. Sit down, Mrs Gamp,

Mrs Gamp took the chair that was nearest the door, and casting up her eyes towards the ceiling, feigned to be

wholly insensible to the fact of a glass of rum being in preparation, until it was placed in her hand by one of

'A thing,' she said, 'as hardly ever, Mrs Mould, occurs with me unless it is when I am indispoged, and find my

half a pint of porter settling heavy on the chest. Mrs Harris often and often says to me, "Sairey Gamp," she

says, "you raly do amaze me!" "Mrs Harris," I says to her, "why so? Give it a name, I beg." "Telling the truth

then, ma'am," says Mrs Harris, "and shaming him as shall be nameless betwixt you and me, never did I think

till I know'd you, as any woman could sicknurse and monthly likeways, on the little that you takes to drink."

"Mrs Harris," I says to her, "none on us knows what we can do till we tries; and wunst, when me and Gamp

kept 'ouse, I thought so too. But now," I says, "my half a pint of porter fully satisfies; perwisin', Mrs Harris,

that it is brought reg'lar, and draw'd mild. Whether I sicks or monthlies, ma'am, I hope I does my duty, but I

am but a poor woman, and I earns my living hard; therefore I DO require it, which I makes confession, to be

The precise connection between these observations and the glass of rum, did not appear; for Mrs Gamp

proposing as a toast 'The best of lucks to all!' took off the dram in quite a scientific manner, without any

'And what's your news, Mrs Gamp?' asked Mould again, as that lady wiped her lips upon her shawl, and

nibbled a corner off a soft biscuit, which she appeared to carry in her pocket as a provision against contingent

'Mr Chuffey, sir,' she replied, 'is jest as usual; he an't no better and he an't no worse. I take it very kind in the

gentleman to have wrote up to you and said, "let Mrs Gamp take care of him till I come home;" but ev'rythink

he does is kind. There an't a many like him. If there was, we shouldn't want no churches.'

'What do you want to speak to me about, Mrs Gamp?' said Mould, coming to the point.

'Jest this, sir,' Mrs Gamp returned, 'with thanks to you for asking. There IS a gent, sir, at the Bull in Holborn,

as has been took ill there, and is bad abed. They have a day nurse as was recommended from Bartholomew's;

and well I knows her, Mr Mould, her name bein' Mrs Prig, the best of creeturs. But she is otherways engaged

at night, and they are in wants of nightwatching; consequent she says to them, having reposed the greatest

friendliness in me for twenty year, "The soberest person going, and the best of blessings in a sick room, is

Mrs Gamp. Send a boy to Kingsgate Street," she says, "and snap her up at any price, for Mrs Gamp is worth

her weight and more in goldian guineas." My landlord brings the message down to me, and says, "bein' in a

light place where you are, and this job promising so well, why not unite the two?" "No, sir," I says, "not

unbeknown to Mr Mould, and therefore do not think it. But I will go to Mr Mould," I says, "and ast him, if

'From eight o'clock till eight, sir. I will not deceive you,' Mrs Gamp rejoined.

'Quite free, then, sir, to attend to Mr Chuffey. His ways bein' quiet, and his hours early, he'd be abed, sir,

nearly all the time. I will not deny,' said Mrs Gamp with meekness, 'that I am but a poor woman, and that the

money is a object; but do not let that act upon you, Mr Mould. Rich folks may ride on camels, but it an't so

easy for 'em to see out of a needle's eye. That is my comfort, and I hope I knows it.'

'Well, Mrs Gamp,' observed Mould, 'I don't see any particular objection to your earning an honest penny

under such circumstances. I should keep it quiet, I think, Mrs Gamp. I wouldn't mention it to Mr Chuzzlewit

on his return, for instance, unless it were necessary, or he asked you pointblank.'

'The very words was on my lips, sir,' Mrs Gamp rejoined. 'Suppoging that the gent should die, I hope I might

take the liberty of saying as I know'd some one in the undertaking line, and yet give no offence to you, sir?'

'Certainly, Mrs Gamp,' said Mould, with much condescension. 'You may casually remark, in such a case, that

we do the thing pleasantly and in a great variety of styles, and are generally considered to make it as

agreeable as possible to the feelings of the survivors. But don't obtrude it, don't obtrude it. Easy, easy! My

Mrs Gamp received them, and scenting no more rum in the wind (for the bottle was locked up again) rose to

'Wishing ev'ry happiness to this happy family,' said Mrs Gamp 'with all my heart. Good arternoon, Mrs

Mould! If I was Mr would I should be jealous of you, ma'am; and I'm sure, if I was you, I should be jealous

'As to the young ladies,' said Mrs Gamp, dropping a curtsey, 'bless their sweet lookshow they can ever

reconsize it with their duties to be so grown up with such young parents, it an't for sech as me to give a guess

'Nonsense, nonsense. Be off, Mrs Gamp!' cried Mould. But in the height of his gratification he actually

'I'll tell you what, my dear,' he observed, when Mrs Gamp had at last withdrawn and shut the door, 'that's a

very shrewd woman. That's a woman whose intellect is immensely superior to her station in life. That's a

woman who observes and reflects in an uncommon manner. She's the sort of woman now,' said Mould,

drawing his silk handkerchief over his head again, and composing himself for a nap 'one would almost feel

Mrs Mould and her daughters fully concurred in these remarks; the subject of which had by this time reached

the street, where she experienced so much inconvenience from the air, that she was obliged to stand under an

archway for a short time, to recover herself. Even after this precaution, she walked so unsteadily as to attract

the compassionate regards of divers kindhearted boys, who took the liveliest interest in her disorder; and in

their simple language bade her be of good cheer, for she was 'only a little screwed.'

Whatever she was, or whatever name the vocabulary of medical science would have bestowed upon her

malady, Mrs Gamp was perfectly acquainted with the way home again; and arriving at the house of Anthony

Chuzzlewit Son, lay down to rest. Remaining there until seven o'clock in the evening, and then persuading

poor old Chuffey to betake himself to bed, she sallied forth upon her new engagement. First, she went to her

private lodgings in Kingsgate Street, for a bundle of robes and wrappings comfortable in the night season;

and then repaired to the Bull in Holborn, which she reached as the clocks were striking eight.

As she turned into the yard, she stopped; for the landlord, landlady, and head chambermaid, were all on the

threshold together talking earnestly with a young gentleman who seemed to have just come or to be just

going away. The first words that struck upon Mrs Gamp's ear obviously bore reference to the patient; and it

being expedient that all good attendants should know as much as possible about the case on which their skill

'Oh! a deal badder,' cried the chambermaid from the background, opening her eyes very wide, and shaking

'Poor fellow!' said the gentleman, 'I am sorry to hear it. The worst of it is, that I have no idea what friends or

relations he has, or where they live, except that it certainly is not in London.'

The landlord looked at the landlady; the landlady looked at the landlord; and the chambermaid remarked,

hysterically, 'that of all the many wague directions she had ever seen or heerd of (and they wasn't few in an

'The fact is, you see,' pursued the gentleman, 'as I told you yesterday when you sent to me, I really know very

little about him. We were schoolfellows together; but since that time I have only met him twice. On both

occasions I was in London for a boy's holiday (having come up for a week or so from Wiltshire), and lost

sight of him again directly. The letter bearing my name and address which you found upon his table, and

which led to your applying to me, is in answer, you will observe, to one he wrote from this house the very

day he was taken ill, making an appointment with him at his own request. Here is his letter, if you wish to see

The landlord read it; the landlady looked over him. The chambermaid, in the background, made out as much

of it as she could, and invented the rest; believing it all from that time forth as a positive piece of evidence.

'He has very little luggage, you say?' observed the gentleman, who was no other than our old friend, John

'Yes. It's sealed up, and in the cashbox. I made a memorandum of the amount, which you're welcome to see.'

'Well!' said John, 'as the medical gentleman says the fever must take its course, and nothing can be done just

now beyond giving him his drinks regularly and having him carefully attended to, nothing more can be said

that I know of, until he is in a condition to give us some information. Can you suggest anything else?'

'Not forgetting to remember the servants,' said the chambermaid in a bland whisper.

'It is but reasonable, I fully admit,' said John Westlock. 'At all events, you have the stock in hand to go upon

for the present; and I will readily undertake to pay the doctor and the nurses.'

She groaned her admiration so audibly, that they all turned round. Mrs Gamp felt the necessity of advancing,

'The nightnurse,' she observed, 'from Kingsgate Street, well beknown to Mrs Prig the daynurse, and the

best of creeturs. How is the poor dear gentleman tonight? If he an't no better yet, still that is what must be

expected and prepared for. It an't the fust time by a many score, ma'am,' dropping a curtsey to the landlady,

'that Mrs Prig and me has nussed together, turn and turn about, one off, one on. We knows each other's ways,

and often gives relief when others fail. Our charges is but low, sir'Mrs Gamp addressed herself to John on

this head'considerin' the nater of our painful dooty. If they wos made accordin' to our wishes, they would

Regarding herself as having now delivered her inauguration address, Mrs Gamp curtseyed all round, and

signified her wish to be conducted to the scene of her official duties. The chambermaid led her, through a

variety of intricate passages, to the top of the house; and pointing at length to a solitary door at the end of a

gallery, informed her that yonder was the chamber where the patient lay. That done, she hurried off with all

Mrs Gamp traversed the gallery in a great heat from having carried her large bundle up so many stairs, and

tapped at the door which was immediately opened by Mrs Prig, bonneted and shawled and all impatience to

be gone. Mrs Prig was of the Gamp build, but not so fat; and her voice was deeper and more like a man's. She

'It shall be made good tomorrow night,' said Mrs Gamp 'Honorable. I had to go and fetch my things.' She

had begun to make signs of inquiry in reference to the position of the patient and his overhearing themfor

'Oh!' she said aloud, 'he's quiet, but his wits is gone. It an't no matter wot you say.'

'Anythin' to tell afore you goes, my dear?' asked Mrs Gamp, setting her bundle down inside the door, and

'The pickled salmon,' Mrs Prig replied, 'is quite delicious. I can partlck'ler recommend it. Don't have nothink

'The physic and them things is on the drawers and mankleshelf,' said Mrs Prig, cursorily. 'He took his last

slime draught at seven. The easychair an't soft enough. You'll want his piller.'

Mrs Gamp thanked her for these hints, and giving her a friendly good night, held the door open until she had

disappeared at the other end of the gallery. Having thus performed the hospitable duty of seeing her safely

off, she shut it, locked it on the inside, took up her bundle, walked round the screen, and entered on her

'A little dull, but not so bad as might be,' Mrs Gamp remarked. 'I'm glad to see a parapidge, in case of fire,

It will be seen from these remarks that Mrs Gamp was looking out of window. When she had exhausted the

prospect, she tried the easychair, which she indignantly declared was 'harder than a brickbadge.' Next she

pursued her researches among the physicbottles, glasses, jugs, and teacups; and when she had entirely

satisfied her curiosity on all these subjects of investigation, she untied her bonnetstrings and strolled up to

A young mandark and not illlookingwith long black hair, that seemed the blacker for the whiteness of

the bedclothes. His eyes were partly open, and he never ceased to roll his head from side to side upon the

pillow, keeping his body almost quiet. He did not utter words; but every now and then gave vent to an

expression of impatience or fatigue, sometimes of surprise; and still his restless headoh, weary, weary

Mrs Gamp solaced herself with a pinch of snuff, and stood looking at him with her head inclined a little

sideways, as a connoisseur might gaze upon a doubtful work of art. By degrees, a horrible remembrance of

one branch of her calling took possession of the woman; and stooping down, she pinned his wandering arms

against his sides, to see how he would look if laid out as a dead man. Her fingers itched to compose his limbs

She now proceeded to unpack her bundle; lighted a candle with the aid of a firebox on the drawers; filled a

small kettle, as a preliminary to refreshing herself with a cup of tea in the course of the night; laid what she

called 'a little bit of fire,' for the same philanthropic purpose; and also set forth a small teaboard, that

nothing might be wanting for her comfortable enjoyment. These preparations occupied so long, that when

they were brought to a conclusion it was high time to think about supper; so she rang the bell and ordered it.

'I think, young woman,' said Mrs Gamp to the assistant chambermaid, in a tone expressive of weakness, 'that

I could pick a little bit of pickled salmon, with a nice little sprig of fennel, and a sprinkling of white pepper. I

takes new bread, my dear, with just a little pat of fresh butter, and a mossel of cheese. In case there should be

such a thing as a cowcumber in the 'ouse, will you be so kind as bring it, for I'm rather partial to 'em, and they

does a world of good in a sick room. If they draws the Brighton Old Tipper here, I takes THAT ale at night,

my love, it bein' considered wakeful by the doctors. And whatever you do, young woman, don't bring more

than a shilling'sworth of gin and waterwarm when I rings the bell a second time; for that is always my

Having preferred these moderate requests, Mrs Gamp observed that she would stand at the door until the

order was executed, to the end that the patient might not be disturbed by her opening it a second time; and

A tray was brought with everything upon it, even to the cucumber and Mrs Gamp accordingly sat down to eat

and drink in high good humour. The extent to which she availed herself of the vinegar, and supped up that

refreshing fluid with the blade of her knife, can scarcely be expressed in narrative.

'Ah!' sighed Mrs Gamp, as she meditated over the warm shilling's worth, 'what a blessed thing it isliving

in a waleto be contented! What a blessed thing it is to make sick people happy in their beds, and never

mind one's self as long as one can do a service! I don't believe a finer cowcumber was ever grow'd. I'm sure I

She moralised in the same vein until her glass was empty, and then admistered the patient's medicine, by the

simple process of clutching his windpipe to make him gasp, and immediately pouring it down his throat.

'I a'most forgot the piller, I declare!' said Mrs Gamp, drawing it away. 'There! Now he's comfortable as he can

With this view, she went about the construction of an extemporaneous bed in the easychair, with the

addition of the next easy one for her feet. Having formed the best couch that the circumstances admitted of,

she took out of her bundle a yellow nightcap, of prodigious size, in shape resembling a cabbage; which

article of dress she fixed and tied on with the utmost care, previously divesting herself of a row of bald old

curls that could scarcely be called false, they were so very innocent of anything approaching to deception.

From the same repository she brought forth a nightjacket, in which she also attired herself. Finally, she

produced a watchman's coat which she tied round her neck by the sleeves, so that she become two people;

and looked, behind, as if she were in the act of being embraced by one of the old patrol.

All these arrangements made, she lighted the rushlight, coiled herself up on her couch, and went to sleep.

Ghostly and dark the room became, and full of lowering shadows. The distant noises in the streets were

gradually hushed; the house was quiet as a sepulchre; the dead of might was coffined in the silent city.

Oh, weary, weary hour! Oh, haggard mind, groping darkly through the past; incapable of detaching itself

from the miserable present; dragging its heavy chain of care through imaginary feasts and revels, and scenes

of awful pomp; seeking but a moment's rest among the longforgotten haunts of childhood, and the resorts of

yesterday; and dimly finding fear and horror everywhere! Oh, weary, weary hour! What were the wanderings

Still, without a moment's interval, the burning head tossed to and fro. Still, from time to time, fatigue,

impatience, suffering, and surprise, found utterance upon that rack, and plainly too, though never once in

words. At length, in the solemn hour of midnight, he began to talk; waiting awfully for answers sometimes;

as though invisible companions were about his bed; and so replying to their speech and questioning again.

Mrs Gamp awoke, and sat up in her bed; presenting on the wall the shadow of a gigantic night constable,

'Come! Hold your tongue!' she cried, in sharp reproof. 'Don't make none of that noise here.'

There was no alteration in the face, or in the incessant motion of the head, but he talked on wildly.

'Ah!' said Mrs Gamp, coming out of the chair with an impatient shiver; 'I thought I was asleepin' too

'Don't drink so much!' cried the sick man. 'You'll ruin us all. Don't you see how the fountain sinks? Look at

'Sparkling water, indeed!' said Mrs Gamp. 'I'll have a sparkling cup o' tea, I think. I wish you'd hold your

He burst into a laugh, which, being prolonged, fell off into a dismal wail. Checking himself, with fierce

"One, two, buckle my shoe,"' said Mrs Gamp, who was now on her knees, lighting the fire, "three, four, shut

the door,"I wish you'd shut your mouth, young man"five, six, picking up sticks." If I'd got a few handy,

Awaiting this desirable consummation, she sat down so close to the fender (which was a high one) that her

nose rested upon it; and for some time she drowsily amused herself by sliding that feature backwards and

forwards along the brass top, as far as she could, without changing her position to do it. She maintained, all

'That makes five hundred and twentyone men, all dressed alike, and with the same distortion on their faces,

that have passed in at the window, and out at the door,' he cried, anxiously. 'Look there! Five hundred and

'Ah! I see 'em,' said Mrs Gamp; 'all the whole kit of 'em numbered like hackneycoaches, an't they?'

'You'll take your next draught when I've made the kettle bile,' retorted Mrs Gamp, composedly, 'and you'll be

'Five hundred and twentyeight, five hundred and twentynine, five hundred and thirty.Look here!'

'They're coming four abreast, each man with his arm entwined in the next man's, and his hand upon his

'Would you have 'em carry black crape in their insides?' Mrs Gamp retorted. 'Hold your noise, hold your

The fire beginning by this time to impart a grateful warmth, Mrs Gamp became silent; gradually rubbed her

nose more and more slowly along the top of the fender; and fell into a heavy doze. She was awakened by the

The sound was so distinct and real, and so full of agonised entreaty, that Mrs Gamp jumped up in terror, and

ran to the door. She expected to find the passage filled with people, come to tell her that the house in the city

had taken fire. But the place was empty; not a soul was there. She opened the window, and looked out. Dark,

dull, dingy, and desolate housetops. As she passed to her seat again, she glanced at the patient. Just the

same; but silent. Mrs Gamp was so warm now, that she threw off the watchman's coat, and fanned herself.

'It seemed to make the wery bottles ring,' she said. 'What could I have been adreaming of? That dratted

The supposition was probable enough. At any rate, a pinch of snuff, and the song of the steaming kettle, quite

restored the tone of Mrs Gamp's nerves, which were none of the weakest. She brewed her tea; made some

When once again, in a tone more terrible than that which had vibrated in her slumbering ear, these words

Mrs Gamp dropped the cup she was in the act of raising to her lips, and turned round with a start that made

It was bright morning the next time Mrs Gamp looked out of the window, and the sun was rising cheerfully.

Lighter and lighter grew the sky, and noisier the streets; and high into the summer air uprose the smoke of

Mrs Prig relieved punctually, having passed a good night at her other patient's. Mr Westlock came at the

same time, but he was not admitted, the disorder being infectious. The doctor came too. The doctor shook his

'Well!' said the doctor, 'we must keep him quiet; keep the room cool; give him his draughts regularly; and see

'And as long as Mrs Prig and me waits upon him, sir, no fear of that,' said Mrs Gamp.

'I suppose,' observed Mrs Prig, when they had curtseyed the doctor out; 'there's nothin' new?'

'Nothin' at all, my dear,' said Mrs Gamp. 'He's rather wearin' in his talk from making up a lot of names;

'Oh, I shan't mind him,' Mrs Prig returned. 'I have somethin' else to think of.'

'I pays my debts tonight, you know, my dear, and comes afore my time,' said Mrs Gamp. 'But, Betsy

Prig'speaking with great feeling, and laying her hand upon her arm'try the cowcumbers, God bless you!'

The laws of sympathy between beards and birds, and the secret source of that attraction which frequently

impels a shaver of the one to be a dealer in the other, are questions for the subtle reasoning of scientific

bodies; not the less so, because their investigation would seem calculated to lead to no particular result. It is

enough to know that the artist who had the honour of entertaining Mrs Gamp as his firstfloor lodger, united

the two pursuits of barbering and birdfancying; and that it was not an original idea of his, but one in which

he had, dispersed about the bystreets and suburbs of the town, a host of rivals.

The name of the householder was Paul Sweedlepipe. But he was commonly called Poll Sweedlepipe; and was

not uncommonly believed to have been so christened, among his friends and neighbours.

With the exception of the staircase, and his lodger's private apartment, Poll Sweedlepipe's house was one

great bird's nest. Gamecocks resided in the kitchen; pheasants wasted the brightness of their golden plumage

on the garret; bantams roosted in the cellar; owls had possession of the bedroom; and specimens of all the

smaller fry of birds chirrupped and twittered in the shop. The staircase was sacred to rabbits. There in hutches

of all shapes and kinds, made from old packingcases, boxes, drawers, and teachests, they increased in a

prodigious degree, and contributed their share towards that complicated whiff which, quite impartially, and

without distinction of persons, saluted every nose that was put into Sweedlepipe's easy shavingshop.

Many noses found their way there, for all that, especially on Sunday morning, before churchtime. Even

archbishops shave, or must be shaved, on a Sunday, and beards WILL grow after twelve o'clock on Saturday

night, though it be upon the chins of base mechanics; who, not being able to engage their valets by the

quarter, hire them by the job, and pay themoh, the wickedness of copper coin!in dirty pence. Poll

Sweedlepipe, the sinner, shaved all comers at a penny each, and cut the hair of any customer for twopence;

and being a lone unmarried man, and having some connection in the bird line, Poll got on tolerably well.

He was a little elderly man, with a clammy cold right hand, from which even rabbits and birds could not

remove the smell of shaving soap. Poll had something of the bird in his nature; not of the hawk or eagle, but

of the sparrow, that builds in chimneystacks and inclines to human company. He was not quarrelsome,

though, like the sparrow; but peaceful, like the dove. In his walk he strutted; and, in this respect, he bore a

faint resemblance to the pigeon, as well as in a certain prosiness of speech, which might, in its monotony, be

likened to the cooing of that bird. He was very inquisitive; and when he stood at his shopdoor in the

eveningtide, watching the neighbours, with his head on one side, and his eye cocked knowingly, there was a

dash of the raven in him. Yet there was no more wickedness in Poll than in a robin. Happily, too, when any of

his ornithological properties were on the verge of going too far, they were quenched, dissolved, melted down,

and neutralised in the barber; just as his bald headotherwise, as the head of a shaved magpie lost itself

in a wig of curly black ringlets, parted on one side, and cut away almost to the crown, to indicate immense

Poll had a very small, shrill treble voice, which might have led the wags of Kingsgate Street to insist the more

upon his feminine designation. He had a tender heart, too; for, when he had a good commission to provide

three or four score sparrows for a shooting match, he would observe, in a compassionate tone, how singular

it was that sparrows should have been made expressly for such purposes. The question, whether men were

Poll wore, in his sporting character, a velveteen coat, a great deal of blue stocking, ankle boots, a neckerchief

of some bright colour, and a very tall hat. Pursuing his more quiet occupation of barber, he generally subsided

into an apron not overclean, a flannel jacket, and corduroy kneeshorts. It was in this latter costume, but

with his apron girded round his waist, as a token of his having shut up shop for the night, that he closed the

door one evening, some weeks after the occurrences detailed in the last chapter, and stood upon the steps in

Kingsgate Street, listening until the little cracked bell within should leave off ringing. For until it did this

was Mr Sweedlepipe's reflectionthe place never seemed quiet enough to be left to itself.

'It's the greediest little bell to ring,' said Poll, 'that ever was. But it's quiet at last.'

He rolled his apron up a little tighter as he said these words, and hastened down the street. Just as he was

turning into Holborn, he ran against a young gentleman in a livery. This youth was bold, though small, and

'Now, STOOPID!' cried the young gentleman. 'Can't you look where you're agoing toeh? Can't you

mind where you're acoming toeh? What do you think your eyes was made foreh? Ah! Yes. Oh! Now

The young gentleman pronounced the two last words in a very loud tone and with frightful emphasis, as

though they contained within themselves the essence of the direst aggravation. But he had scarcely done so,

'No. It an't me,' returned the youth. 'It's my son, my oldest one. He's a credit to his father, an't he, Polly?' With

this delicate little piece of banter, he halted on the pavement, and went round and round in circles, for the

better exhibition of his figure; rather to the inconvenience of the passengers generally, who were not in an

'I wouldn't have believed it,' said Poll. 'What! You've left your old place, then? Have you?'

'Have I!' returned his young friend, who had by this time stuck his hands into the pockets of his white cord

breeches, and was swaggering along at the barber's side. 'D'ye know a pair of top boots when you see 'em,

'D'ye know a slapup sort of button, when you see it?' said the youth. 'Don't look at mine, if you ain't a judge,

'Beautiful!' cried the barber again. 'A grassgreen frockcoat, too, bound with gold; and a cockade in your

'I should hope so,' replied the youth. 'Blow the cockade, though; for, except that it don't turn round, it's like

the wentilator that used to be in the kitchen winder at Todgers's. You ain't seen the old lady's name in the

'If she ain't, she will be,' retorted Bailey. 'That bis'ness never can be carried on without ME. Well! How are

'Oh! I'm pretty well,' said Poll. 'Are you living at this end of the town, or were you coming to see me? Was

'I haven't got no bis'ness in Holborn,' returned Bailey, with some displeasure. 'All my bis'ness lays at the West

End. I've got the right sort of governor now. You can't see his face for his whiskers, and can't see his whiskers

for the dye upon 'em. That's a gentleman ain't it? You wouldn't like a ride in a cab, would you? Why, it

wouldn't be safe to offer it. You'd faint away, only to see me acomin' at a mild trot round the corner.'

To convey a slight idea of the effect of this approach, Mr Bailey counterfeited in his own person the action of

a hightrotting horse and threw up his head so high, in backing against a pump, that he shook his hat off.

'Why, he's own uncle to Capricorn,' said Bailey, 'and brother to Cauliflower. He's been through the winders of

two chaney shops since we've had him, and was sold for killin' his missis. That's a horse, I hope?'

'Ah! you'll never want to buy any more red polls, now,' observed Poll, looking on his young friend with an air

of melancholy. 'You'll never want to buy any more red polls now, to hang up over the sink, will you?'

'I should think not,' replied Bailey. 'Reether so. I wouldn't have nothin' to say to any bird below a Peacock;

'Oh! I'm pretty well,' said Poll. He answered the question again because Mr Bailey asked it again; Mr Bailey

asked it again, because accompanied with a straddling action of the white cords, a bend of the knees, and a

striking forth of the topbootsit was an easy horsefleshy, turfy sort of thing to do.

'Wot are you up to, old feller?' added Mr Bailey, with the same graceful rakishness. He was quite the

The little barber hastened to explain that she was neither a young woman, nor a handsome woman, but a

nurse, who had been acting as a kind of housekeeper to a gentleman for some weeks past, and left her place

that night, in consequence of being superseded by another and a more legitimate housekeeperto wit, the

'He's newly married, and he brings his young wife home tonight,' said the barber. 'So I'm going to fetch my

lodger awayMr Chuzzlewit's, close behind the Post Officeand carry her box for her.'

'Oh, no!' cried Mr Bailey; 'not at all. And I don't know her! Not neither! Why, they first kept company

'Ah!' said Mr Bailey, with a wink; 'and she ain't bad looking mind you. But her sister was the best. SHE was

Mr Bailey spoke as if he already had a leg and threequarters in the grave, and this had happened twenty or

thirty years ago. Paul Sweedlepipe, the meek, was so perfectly confounded by his precocious selfpossession,

and his patronizing manner, as well as by his boots, cockade, and livery, that a mist swam before his eyes,

and he sawnot the Bailey of acknowledged juvenility from Todgers's Commercial Boarding House, who

had made his acquaintance within a twelvemonth, by purchasing, at sundry times, small birds at twopence

eachbut a highlycondensed embodiment of all the sporting grooms in London; an abstract of all the

stableknowledge of the time; a something at a highpressure that must have had existence many years, and

was fraught with terrible experiences. And truly, though in the cloudy atmosphere of Todgers's, Mr Bailey's

genius had ever shone out brightly in this particular respect, it now eclipsed both time and space, cheated

beholders of their senses, and worked on their belief in defiance of all natural laws. He walked along the

tangible and real stones of Holborn Hill, an undersized boy; and yet he winked the winks, and thought the

thoughts, and did the deeds, and said the sayings of an ancient man. There was an old principle within him,

and a young surface without. He became an inexplicable creature; a breeched and booted Sphinx. There was

no course open to the barber, but to go distracted himself, or to take Bailey for granted; and he wisely chose

Mr Bailey was good enough to continue to bear him company, and to entertain him, as they went, with easy

conversation on various sporting topics; especially on the comparative merits, as a general principle, of

horses with white stockings, and horses without. In regard to the style of tail to be preferred, Mr Bailey had

opinions of his own, which he explained, but begged they might by no means influence his friend's, as here

he knew he had the misfortune to differ from some excellent authorities. He treated Mr Sweedlepipe to a

dram, compounded agreeably to his own directions, which he informed him had been invented by a member

of the Jockey Club; and, as they were by this time near the barber's destination, he observed that, as he had an

hour to spare, and knew the parties, he would, if quite agreeable, be introduced to Mrs Gamp.

Paul knocked at Jonas Chuzzlewit's; and, on the door being opened by that lady, made the two distinguished

persons known to one another. It was a happy feature in Mrs Gamp's twofold profession, that it gave her an

interest in everything that was young as well as in everything that was old. She received Mr Bailey with

'It's very good, I'm sure, of you to come,' she said to her landlord, 'as well as bring so nice a friend. But I'm

afraid that I must trouble you so far as to step in, for the young couple has not yet made appearance.'

'They're late, ain't they?' inquired her landlord, when she had conducted them downstairs into the kitchen.

Mr Bailey inquired whether the Wings of Love had ever won a plate, or could be backed to do anything

remarkable; and being informed that it was not a horse, but merely a poetical or figurative expression,

evinced considerable disgust. Mrs Gamp was so very much astonished by his affable manners and great ease,

that she was about to propound to her landlord in a whisper the staggering inquiry, whether he was a man or a

'There's nothin' he don't know; that's my opinion,' observed Mrs Gamp. 'All the wickedness of the world is

Mr Bailey received this as a compliment, and said, adjusting his cravat, 'reether so.'

'As you knows Mrs Chuzzlewit, you knows, p'raps, what her chris'en name is?' Mrs Gamp observed.

'It don't begin with a C at all,' retorted Mrs Gamp, shaking her head. 'It begins with a M.'

'Whew!' cried Mr Bailey, slapping a little cloud of pipeclay out of his left leg, 'then he's been and married

As these words were mysterious, Mrs Gamp called upon him to explain, which Mr Bailey proceeded to do;

that lady listening greedily to everything he said. He was yet in the fullness of his narrative when the sound of

wheels, and a double knock at the street door, announced the arrival of the newly married couple. Begging

him to reserve what more he had to say for her hearing on the way home, Mrs Gamp took up the candle, and

'Wishing you appiness and joy with all my art,' said Mrs Gamp, dropping a curtsey as they entered the hall;

'and you, too, sir. Your lady looks a little tired with the journey, Mr Chuzzlewit, a pretty dear!'

'She has bothered enough about it,' grumbled Mr Jonas. 'Now, show a light, will you?'

'This way, ma'am, if you please,' said Mrs Gamp, going upstairs before them. 'Things has been made as

comfortable as they could be, but there's many things you'll have to alter your own self when you gets time to

look about you! Ah! sweet thing! But you don't,' added Mrs Gamp, internally, 'you don't look much like a

It was true; she did not. The death that had gone before the bridal seemed to have left its shade upon the

house. The air was heavy and oppressive; the rooms were dark; a deep gloom filled up every chink and

corner. Upon the hearthstone, like a creature of ill omen, sat the aged clerk, with his eyes fixed on some

'So there you are, Mr Chuff,' said Jonas carelessly, as he dusted his boots; 'still in the land of the living, eh?'

'Still in the land of the living, sir,' retorted Mrs Gamp. 'And Mr Chuffey may thank you for it, as many and

Mr Jonas was not in the best of humours, for he merely said, as he looked round, 'We don't want you any

'I'm agoing immediate, sir,' returned the nurse; 'unless there's nothink I can do for you, ma'am. Ain't there,'

said Mrs Gamp, with a look of great sweetness, and rummaging all the time in her pocket; 'ain't there nothink

With a leer of mingled sweetness and slyness; with one eye on the future, one on the bride, and an arch

expression in her face, partly spiritual, partly spirituous, and wholly professional and peculiar to her art; Mrs

Gamp rummaged in her pocket again, and took from it a printed card, whereon was an inscription copied

'Would you be so good, my darling dovey of a dear young married lady,' Mrs Gamp observed, in a low voice,

'as put that somewheres where you can keep it in your mind? I'm well beknown to many ladies, and it's my

card. Gamp is my name, and Gamp my nater. Livin' quite handy, I will make so bold as call in now and then,

And with innumerable leers, winks, coughs, nods, smiles, and curtseys, all leading to the establishment of a

mysterious and confidential understanding between herself and the bride, Mrs Gamp, invoking a blessing

upon the house, leered, winked, coughed, nodded, smiled, and curtseyed herself out of the room.

'But I will say, and I would if I was led a Martha to the Stakes for it,' Mrs Gamp remarked below stairs, in a

whisper, 'that she don't look much like a merry one at this present moment of time.'

They said no more in the house, for Mrs Gamp put on her bonnet, Mr Sweedlepipe took up her box; and Mr

Bailey accompanied them towards Kingsgate Street; recounting to Mrs Gamp as they went along, the origin

and progress of his acquaintance with Mrs Chuzzlewit and her sister. It was a pleasant instance of this youth's

precocity, that he fancied Mrs Gamp had conceived a tenderness for him, and was much tickled by her

As the door closed heavily behind them, Mrs Jonas sat down in a chair, and felt a strange chill creep upon

her, whilst she looked about the room. It was pretty much as she had known it, but appeared more dreary. She

'It'll be duller before you're done with it,' retorted Jonas, 'if you give me any of your airs. You're a nice article,

to turn sulky on first coming home! Ecod, you used to have life enough, when you could plague me with it.

She roused herself from looking after him as he left the room, to do what he had desired; when the old man

He answered nothing was the matter; and turned from her. But in her fear and wonder, turning also, she saw

Mr Bailey, Juniorfor the sporting character, whilom of general utility at Todgers's, had now regularly set

up in life under that name, without troubling himself to obtain from the legislature a direct licence in the form

of a Private Bill, which of all kinds and classes of bills is without exception the most unreasonable in its

chargesMr Bailey, Junior, just tall enough to be seen by an inquiring eye, gazing indolently at society from

beneath the apron of his master's cab, drove slowly up and down Pall Mall, about the hour of noon, in waiting

for his 'Governor.' The horse of distinguished family, who had Capricorn for his nephew, and Cauliflower for

his brother, showed himself worthy of his high relations by champing at the bit until his chest was white with

foam, and rearing like a horse in heraldry; the plated harness and the patent leather glittered in the sun;

pedestrians admired; Mr Bailey was complacent, but unmoved. He seemed to say, 'A barrow, good people, a

mere barrow; nothing to what we could do, if we chose!' and on he went, squaring his short green arms

Mr Bailey had a great opinion of Brother to Cauliflower, and estimated his powers highly. But he never told

him so. On the contrary, it was his practice, in driving that animal, to assail him with disrespectful, if not

injurious, expressions, as, 'Ah! would you!' 'Did you think it, then?' 'Where are you going to now?' 'No, you

won't, my lad!' and similar fragmentary remarks. These being usually accompanied by a jerk of the rein, or a

crack of the whip, led to many trials of strength between them, and to many contentions for the upperhand,

terminating, now and then, in chinashops, and other unusual goals, as Mr Bailey had already hinted to his

On the present occasion Mr Bailey, being in spirits, was more than commonly hard upon his charge; in

consequence of which that fiery animal confined himself almost entirely to his hind legs in displaying his

paces, and constantly got himself into positions with reference to the cabriolet that very much amazed the

passengers in the street. But Mr Bailey, not at all disturbed, had still a shower of pleasantries to bestow on

any one who crossed his path; as, calling to a fullgrown coalheaver in a wagon, who for a moment blocked

the way, 'Now, young 'un, who trusted YOU with a cart?' inquiring of elderly ladies who wanted to cross, and

ran back again, 'Why they didn't go to the workhouse and get an order to be buried?' tempting boys, with

friendly words, to get up behind, and immediately afterwards cutting them down; and the like flashes of a

cheerful humour, which he would occasionally relieve by going round St. James's Square at a hand gallop,

and coming slowly into Pall Mall by another entry, as if, in the interval, his pace had been a perfect crawl.

It was not until these amusements had been very often repeated, and the applestall at the corner had

sustained so many miraculous escapes as to appear impregnable, that Mr Bailey was summoned to the door

of a certain house in Pall Mall, and turning short, obeyed the call and jumped out. It was not until he had held

the bridle for some minutes longer, every jerk of Cauliflower's brother's head, and every twitch of

Cauliflower's brother's nostril, taking him off his legs in the meanwhile, that two persons entered the vehicle,

one of whom took the reins and drove rapidly off. Nor was it until Mr Bailey had run after it some hundreds

of yards in vain, that he managed to lift his short leg into the iron step, and finally to get his boots upon the

little footboard behind. Then, indeed, he became a sight to see; andstanding now on one foot and now

upon the other, now trying to look round the cab on this side, now on that, and now endeavouring to peep

over the top of it, as it went dashing in among the carts and coacheswas from head to heel Newmarket.

The appearance of Mr Bailey's governor as he drove along fully justified that enthusiastic youth's description

of him to the wondering Poll. He had a world of jetblack shining hair upon his head, upon his cheeks, upon

his chin, upon his upper lip. His clothes, symmetrically made, were of the newest fashion and the costliest

kind. Flowers of gold and blue, and green and blushing red, were on his waistcoat; precious chains and jewels

sparkled on his breast; his fingers, clogged with brilliant rings, were as unwieldly as summer flies but newly

rescued from a honeypot. The daylight mantled in his gleaming hat and boots as in a polished glass. And

yet, though changed his name, and changed his outward surface, it was Tigg. Though turned and twisted

upside down, and inside out, as great men have been sometimes known to be; though no longer Montague

Tigg, but Tigg Montague; still it was Tigg; the same Satanic, gallant, military Tigg. The brass was burnished,

Beside him sat a smiling gentleman, of less pretensions and of business looks, whom he addressed as David.

Surely not the David of thehow shall it be phrased?the triumvirate of golden balls? Not David, tapster at

'The secretary's salary, David,' said Mr Montague, 'the office being now established, is eight hundred pounds

per annum, with his house rent, coals, and candles free. His fiveandtwenty shares he holds, of course. Is

David smiled and nodded, and coughed behind a little locked portfolio which he carried; with an air that

'If that's enough,' said Montague, 'I will propose it at the Board today, in my capacity as chairman.'

The secretary smiled again; laughed, indeed, this time; and said, rubbing his nose slily with one end of the

'The AngloBengalee Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance Company is rather a capital concern, I hope,

'In the only important one,' observed the chairman; 'which is number one, David.'

'What,' asked the secretary, bursting into another laugh, 'what will be the paid up capital, according to the

'A figure of two, and as many oughts after it as the printer can get into the same line,' replied his friend. 'Ha,

At this they both laughed; the secretary so vehemently, that in kicking up his feet, he kicked the apron open,

and nearly started Cauliflower's brother into an oyster shop; not to mention Mr Bailey's receiving such a

sudden swing, that he held on for a moment quite a young Fame, by one strap and no legs.

'What a chap you are!' exclaimed David admiringly, when this little alarm had subsided.

'"Well, upon my soul, you ARE a genius then,' said David. 'I always knew you had the gift of the gab, of

'I rise with circumstances, David. That's a point of genius in itself,' said Tigg. 'If you were to lose a hundred

pound wager to me at this minute David, and were to pay it (which is most confoundedly improbable), I

It is due to Mr Tigg to say that he had really risen with his opportunities; and, peculating on a grander scale,

'Ha, ha,' cried the secretary, laying his hand, with growing familiarity, upon the chairman's arm. 'When I look

The halfexpressed idea seemed no less ludicrous to Mr Tigg than to his friend, for he laughed too, heartily.

'Being,' resumed David, 'being amenableyour property in Bengal being amenableto all claims upon

the company; when I look at you and think of that, you might tickle me into fits by waving the feather of a

'It a devilish fine property,' said Tigg Montague, 'to be amenable to any claims. The preserve of tigers alone is

David could only reply in the intervals of his laughter, 'Oh, what a chap you are!' and so continued to laugh,

and hold his sides, and wipe his eyes, for some time, without offering any other observation.

'A capital idea?' said Tigg, returning after a time to his companion's first remark; 'no doubt it was a capital

'No, no. It was my idea,' said David. 'Hang it, let a man have some credit. Didn't I say to you that I'd saved a

'You said! Didn't I say to you,' interposed Tigg, 'that I had come into a few pounds?'

'Certainly you did,' returned David, warmly, 'but that's not the idea. Who said, that if we put the money

'And who said,' retorted Mr Tigg, 'that, provided we did it on a sufficiently large scale, we could furnish an

office and make a show, without any money at all? Be rational, and just, and calm, and tell me whose idea

'Why, there,' David was obliged to confess, 'you had the advantage of me, I admit. But I don't put myself on a

'The plain work of the company, Davidfigures, books, circulars, advertisements, pen, ink, and paper,

sealingwax and wafersis admirably done by you. You are a firstrate groveller. I don't dispute it. But the

'Is entirely yours,' said his friend. 'No question of it. But with such a swell turnout as this, and all the

handsome things you've got about you, and the life you lead, I mean to say it's a precious comfortable

'Ha, ha!' laughed Tigg. 'Then be contented with your station and your profits, David, my fine fellow, and

bless the day that made us acquainted across the counter of our common uncle, for it was a golden day to

It will have been already gathered from the conversation of these worthies, that they were embarked in an

enterprise of some magnitude, in which they addressed the public in general from the strong position of

having everything to gain and nothing at all to lose; and which, based upon this great principle, was thriving

The AngloBengalee Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance Company started into existence one morning,

not an Infant Institution, but a Grownup Company running alone at a great pace, and doing business right

and left: with a 'branch' in a first floor over a tailor's at the westend of the town, and main offices in a new

street in the City, comprising the upper part of a spacious house resplendent in stucco and plateglass, with

wireblinds in all the windows, and 'AngloBengalee' worked into the pattern of every one of them. On the

doorpost was painted again in large letters, 'offices of the AngloBengalee Disinterested Loan and Life

Assurance Company,' and on the door was a large brass plate with the same inscription; always kept very

bright, as courting inquiry; staring the City out of countenance after office hours on working days, and all day

long on Sundays; and looking bolder than the Bank. Within, the offices were newly plastered, newly painted,

newly papered, newly countered, newly floorclothed, newly tabled, newly chaired, newly fitted up in every

way, with goods that were substantial and expensive, and designed (like the company) to last. Business! Look

at the green ledgers with red backs, like strong cricketballs beaten flat; the courtguides directories,

daybooks, almanacks, letterboxes, weighingmachines for letters, rows of firebuckets for dashing out a

conflagration in its first spark, and saving the immense wealth in notes and bonds belonging to the company;

look at the iron safes, the clock, the office sealin its capacious self, security for anything. Solidity! Look at

the massive blocks of marble in the chimneypieces, and the gorgeous parapet on the top of the house!

Publicity! Why, AngloBengalee Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance company is painted on the very

coalscuttles. It is repeated at every turn until the eyes are dazzled with it, and the head is giddy. It is

engraved upon the top of all the letter paper, and it makes a scrollwork round the seal, and it shines out of

the porter's buttons, and it is repeated twenty times in every circular and public notice wherein one David

Crimple, Esquire, Secretary and resident Director, takes the liberty of inviting your attention to the

accompanying statement of the advantages offered by the Anglo Bengalee Disinterested Loan and Life

Assurance Company; and fully proves to you that any connection on your part with that establishment must

result in a perpetual Christmas Box and constantly increasing Bonus to yourself, and that nobody can run any

risk by the transaction except the office, which, in its great liberality is pretty sure to lose. And this, David

Crimple, Esquire, submits to you (and the odds are heavy you believe him), is the best guarantee that can

reasonably be suggested by the Board of Management for its permanence and stability.

This gentleman's name, by the way, had been originally Crimp; but as the word was susceptible of an

Lest with all these proofs and confirmations, any man should be suspicious of the AngloBengalee

Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance company; should doubt in tiger, cab, or person, Tigg Montague,

Esquire, (of Pall Mall and Bengal), or any other name in the imaginative List of Directors; there was a porter

on the premisesa wonderful creature, in a vast red waistcoat and a short tailed pepperandsalt

coatwho carried more conviction to the minds of sceptics than the whole establishment without him. No

confidences existed between him and the Directorship; nobody knew where he had served last; no character

or explanation had been given or required. No questions had been asked on either side. This mysterious

being, relying solely on his figure, had applied for the situation, and had been instantly engaged on his own

terms. They were high; but he knew, doubtless, that no man could carry such an extent of waistcoat as

himself, and felt the full value of his capacity to such an institution. When he sat upon a seat erected for him

in a corner of the office, with his glazed hat hanging on a peg over his head, it was impossible to doubt the

respectability of the concern. It went on doubling itself with every square inch of his red waistcoat until, like

the problem of the nails in the horse's shoes, the total became enormous. People had been known to apply to

effect an insurance on their lives for a thousand pounds, and looking at him, to beg, before the form of

proposal was filled up, that it might be made two. And yet he was not a giant. His coat was rather small than

otherwise. The whole charm was in his waistcoat. Respectability, competence, property in Bengal or

anywhere else, responsibility to any amount on the part of the company that employed him, were all

Rival offices had endeavoured to lure him away; Lombard Street itself had beckoned to him; rich companies

had whispered 'Be a Beadle!' but he still continued faithful to the AngloBengalee. Whether he was a deep

rogue, or a stately simpleton, it was impossible to make out, but he appeared to believe in the Anglo

Bengalee. He was grave with imaginary cares of office; and having nothing whatever to do, and something

less to take care of, would look as if the pressure of his numerous duties, and a sense of the treasure in the

As the cabriolet drove up to the door, this officer appeared bareheaded on the pavement, crying aloud

'Room for the chairman, room for the chairman, if you please!' much to the admiration of the bystanders,

who, it is needless to say, had their attention directed to the AngloBengalee Company thenceforth, by that

means. Mr Tigg leaped gracefully out, followed by the Managing Director (who was by this time very distant

and respectful), and ascended the stairs, still preceded by the porter, who cried as he went, 'By your leave

there! by your leave! The Chairman of the Board, GentleMEN! In like manner, but in a still more

stentorian voice, he ushered the chairman through the public office, where some humble clients were

transacting business, into an awful chamber, labelled Boardroom; the door of which sanctuary immediately

The boardroom had a Turkey carpet in it, a sideboard, a portrait of Tigg Montague, Esquire, as chairman; a

very imposing chair of office, garnished with an ivory hammer and a little handbell; and a long table, set out

at intervals with sheets of blottingpaper, foolscap, clean pens, and inkstands. The chairman having taken his

seat with great solemnity, the secretary supported him on his right hand, and the porter stood bolt upright

behind them, forming a warm background of waistcoat. This was the board: everything else being a

Bullamy cleared his throat, and bustled out into the office, crying 'The Chairman of the Board wishes to see

the Medical Officer. By your leave there! By your leave!' He soon returned with the gentleman in question;

and at both openings of the boardroom door at his coming in and at his going outsimple clients were

seen to stretch their necks and stand upon their toes, thirsting to catch the slightest glimpse of that mysterious

'Jobling, my dear friend!' said Mr Tigg, 'how are you? Bullamy, wait outside. Crimple, don't leave us.

'And how are you, Mr Montague, eh?' said the Medical Officer, throwing himself luxuriously into an

easychair (they were all easy chairs in the boardroom), and taking a handsome gold snuffbox from the

pocket of his black satin waistcoat. 'How are you? A little worn with business, eh? If so, rest. A little feverish

from wine, humph? If so, water. Nothing at all the matter, and quite comfortable? Then take some lunch. A

very wholesome thing at this time of day to strengthen the gastric juices with lunch, Mr Montague.'

The Medical Officer (he was the same medical officer who had followed poor old Anthony Chuzzlewit to the

grave, and who had attended Mrs Gamp's patient at the Bull) smiled in saying these words; and casually

added, as he brushed some grains of snuff from his shirtfrill, 'I always take it myself about this time of day,

'Not on my account, I hope?' said the doctor. 'You are very good. Thank you. I'm quite ashamed. Ha, ha! if I

had been a sharp practitioner, Mr Montague, I shouldn't have mentioned it without a fee; for you may depend

upon it, my dear sir, that if you don't make a point of taking lunch, you'll very soon come under my hands.

The resident Director gave an involuntary start, for the doctor, in the heat of his demonstration, caught it up

'In Mr Crimple's leg, you'll observe,' pursued the doctor, turning back his cuffs and spanning the limb with

both hands, 'where Mr Crimple's knee fits into the socket, here, there isthat is to say, between the bone and

'What do you pick MY leg out for?' said Mr Crimple, looking with something of an anxious expression at his

'Never you mind, my good sir,' returned the doctor, shaking his head, 'whether it is the same with other legs,

'I take a particular case, Mr Montague,' returned the doctor, 'as illustrating my remark, you observe. In this

portion of Mr Crimple's leg, sir, there is a certain amount of animal oil. In every one of Mr Crimple's joints,

sir, there is more or less of the same deposit. Very good. If Mr Crimple neglects his meals, or fails to take his

proper quantity of rest, that oil wanes, and becomes exhausted. What is the consequence? Mr Crimple's bones

sink down into their sockets, sir, and Mr Crimple becomes a weazen, puny, stunted, miserable man!'

The doctor let Mr Crimple's leg fall suddenly, as if he were already in that agreeable condition; turned down

'We know a few secrets of nature in our profession, sir,' said the doctor. 'Of course we do. We study for that;

we pass the Hall and the College for that; and we take our station in society BY that. It's extraordinary how

little is known on these subjects generally. Where do you suppose, now'the doctor closed one eye, as he

leaned back smilingly in his chair, and formed a triangle with his hands, of which his two thumbs composed

Mr Crimple, more agitated than before, clapped his hand immediately below his waistcoat.

'Not at all,' cried the doctor; 'not at all. Quite a popular mistake! My good sir, you're altogether deceived.'

'You think you do,' replied the doctor; 'but science knows better. There was a patient of mine once,' touching

one of the many mourning rings upon his fingers, and slightly bowing his head, 'a gentleman who did me the

honour to make a very handsome mention of me in his will"in testimony," as he was pleased to say, "of the

unremitting zeal, talent, and attention of my friend and medical attendant, John Jobling, Esquire,

M.R.C.S.,"who was so overcome by the idea of having all his life laboured under an erroneous view of the

locality of this important organ, that when I assured him on my professional reputation, he was mistaken, he

burst into tears, put out his hand, and said, "Jobling, God bless you!" Immediately afterwards he became

'By your leave there!' cried Bullamy, without. 'By your leave! Refreshment for the Boardroom!'

'Ha!' said the doctor, jocularly, as he rubbed his hands, and drew his chair nearer to the table. 'The true Life

Assurance, Mr Montague. The best Policy in the world, my dear sir. We should be provident, and eat and

The resident Director acquiesced rather sulkily, as if the gratification of replenishing his stomach had been

impaired by the unsettlement of his preconceived opinions in reference to its situation. But the appearance of

the porter and underporter with a tray covered with a snowwhite cloth, which, being thrown back,

displayed a pair of cold roast fowls, flanked by some potted meats and a cool salad, quickly restored his good

humour. It was enhanced still further by the arrival of a bottle of excellent madeira, and another of

champagne; and he soon attacked the repast with an appetite scarcely inferior to that of the medical officer.

The lunch was handsomely served, with a profusion of rich glass plate, and china; which seemed to denote

that eating and drinking on a showy scale formed no unimportant item in the business of the AngloBengalee

Directorship. As it proceeded, the Medical Officer grew more and more joyous and redfaced, insomuch that

every mouthful he ate, and every drop of wine he swallowed, seemed to impart new lustre to his eyes, and to

In certain quarters of the City and its neighbourhood, Mr Jobling was, as we have already seen in some

measure, a very popular character. He had a portentously sagacious chin, and a pompous voice, with a rich

huskiness in some of its tones that went directly to the heart, like a ray of light shining through the ruddy

medium of choice old burgundy. His neckerchief and shirtfrill were ever of the whitest, his clothes of the

blackest and sleekest, his gold watchchain of the heaviest, and his seals of the largest. His boots, which were

always of the brightest, creaked as he walked. Perhaps he could shake his head, rub his hands, or warm

himself before a fire, better than any man alive; and he had a peculiar way of smacking his lips and saying,

'Ah!' at intervals while patients detailed their symptoms, which inspired great confidence. It seemed to

express, 'I know what you're going to say better than you do; but go on, go on.' As he talked on all occasions

whether he had anything to say or not, it was unanimously observed of him that he was 'full of anecdote;' and

his experience and profit from it were considered, for the same reason, to be something much too extensive

for description. His female patients could never praise him too highly; and the coldest of his male admirers

would always say this for him to their friends, 'that whatever Jobling's professional skill might be (and it

could not be denied that he had a very high reputation), he was one of the most comfortable fellows you ever

Jobling was for many reasons, and not last in the list because his connection lay principally among tradesmen

and their families, exactly the sort of person whom the AngloBengalee Company wanted for a medical

officer. But Jobling was far too knowing to connect himself with the company in any closer ties than as a paid

(and well paid) functionary, or to allow his connection to be misunderstood abroad, if he could help it. Hence

'Why, my dear sir, with regard to the AngloBengalee, my information, you see, is limited; very limited. I am

the medical officer, in consideration of a certain monthly payment. The labourer is worthy of his hire; BIS

DAT QUI CITO DAT'('classical scholar, Jobling!' thinks the patient, 'wellread man!')'and I receive it

regularly. Therefore I am bound, so far as my own knowledge goes, to speak well of the establishment.'

('Nothing can be fairer than Jobling's conduct,' thinks the patient, who has just paid Jobling's bill himself.) 'If

you put any question to me, my dear friend,' says the doctor, 'touching the responsibility or capital of the

company, there I am at fault; for I have no head for figures, and not being a shareholder, am delicate of

showing any curiosity whatever on the subject. Delicacyyour amiable lady will agree with me I am

sureshould be one of the first characteristics of a medical man.' ('Nothing can be finer or more gentlemanly

than Jobling's feeling,' thinks the patient.) 'Very good, my dear sir, so the matter stands. You don't know Mr

Montague? I'm sorry for it. A remarkably handsome man, and quite the gentleman in every respect. Property,

I am told, in India. House and everything belonging to him, beautiful. Costly furniture on the most elegant

and lavish scale. And pictures, which, even in an anatomical point of view, are perfection. In case you

should ever think of doing anything with the company, I'll pass you, you may depend upon it. I can

conscientiously report you a healthy subject. If I understand any man's constitution, it is yours; and this little

indisposition has done him more good, ma'am,' says the doctor, turning to the patient's wife, 'than if he had

swallowed the contents of half the nonsensical bottles in my surgery. For they ARE nonsenseto tell the

honest truth, one half of them are nonsensecompared with such a constitution as his!' ('Jobling is the most

friendly creature I ever met with in my life,' thinks the patient; 'and upon my word and honour, I'll consider of

'Commission to you, doctor, on four new policies, and a loan this morning, eh?' said Crimple, looking, when

they had finished lunch, over some papers brought in by the porter. 'Well done!'

'No, no. Nonsense. Upon my word I've no right to draw the commission,' said the doctor, 'I haven't really. It's

picking your pocket. I don't recommend anybody here. I only say what I know. My patients ask me what I

know, and I tell 'em what I know. Nothing else. Caution is my weak side, that's the truth; and always was

from a boy. That is,' said the doctor, filling his glass, 'caution in behalf of other people. Whether I would

repose confidence in this company myself, if I had not been paying money elsewhere for many yearsthat's

He tried to look as if there were no doubt about it; but feeling that he did it but indifferently, changed the

'Talking of wine,' said the doctor, 'reminds me of one of the finest glasses of light old port I ever drank in my

life; and that was at a funeral. You have not seen anything ofof THAT party, Mr Montague, have you?'

'He is not buried, I hope?' said Tigg, as he took it. 'The honour of his company is not requested if he is.'

'Ha, ha!' laughed the doctor. 'No; not quite. He was honourably connected with that very occasion though.'

'Oh!' said Tigg, smoothing his moustache, as he cast his eyes upon the name. 'I recollect. No. He has not been

The words were on his lips, when Bullamy entered, and presented a card to the Medical Officer.

'Why, no, Mr Montague, no,' returned the doctor. 'We will not say that in the present case, for this gentleman

'So much the better,' retorted Tigg. 'So much the more adaptable to the AngloBengalee. Bullamy, clear the

'I shall be eternally delighted,' answered Tigg, kissing his hand and smiling sweetly.

The doctor disappeared into the outer office, and immediately returned with Jonas Chuzzlewit.

'Mr Montague,' said Jobling. 'Allow me. My friend Mr Chuzzlewit. My dear friendour chairman. Now do

you know,' he added checking himself with infinite policy, and looking round with a smile; 'that's a very

singular instance of the force of example. It really is a very remarkable instance of the force of example. I say

OUR chairman. Why do I say our chairman? Because he is not MY chairman, you know. I have no

connection with the company, farther than giving them, for a certain fee and reward, my poor opinion as a

medical man, precisely as I may give it any day to Jack Noakes or Tom Styles. Then why do I say our

chairman? Simply because I hear the phrase constantly repeated about me. Such is the involuntary operation

of the mental faculty in the imitative biped man. Mr Crimple, I believe you never take snuff? Injudicious.

Pending these remarks on the part of the doctor, and the lengthened and sonorous pinch with which he

followed them up, Jonas took a seat at the board; as ungainly a man as ever he has been within the reader's

knowledge. It is too common with all of us, but it is especially in the nature of a mean mind, to be overawed

'Now you two gentlemen have business to discuss, I know,' said the doctor, 'and your time is precious. So is

mine; for several lives are waiting for me in the next room, and I have a round of visits to make afterafter I

have taken 'em. Having had the happiness to introduce you to each other, I may go about my business.

Goodbye. But allow me, Mr Montague, before I go, to say this of my friend who sits beside you: That

gentleman has done more, sir,' rapping his snuffbox solemnly, 'to reconcile me to human nature, than any

With these words Jobling bolted abruptly out of the room, and proceeded in his own official department, to

impress the lives in waiting with a sense of his keen conscientiousness in the discharge of his duty, and the

great difficulty of getting into the Anglo Bengalee; by feeling their pulses, looking at their tongues, listening

at their ribs, poking them in the chest, and so forth; though, if he didn't well know beforehand that whatever

kind of lives they were, the AngloBengalee would accept them readily, he was far from being the Jobling

that his friend considered him; and was not the original Jobling, but a spurious imitation.

Mr Crimple also departed on the business of the morning; and Jonas Chuzzlewit and Tigg were left alone.

'I learn from our friend,' said Tigg, drawing his chair towards Jonas with a winning ease of manner, 'that you

'Oh! Ecod then he'd no right to say so,' cried Jonas, interrupting. 'I didn't tell HIM my thoughts. If he took it

into his head that I was coming here for such or such a purpose, why, that's his lookout. I don't stand

Jonas said this offensively enough; for over and above the habitual distrust of his character, it was in his

nature to seek to revenge himself on the fine clothes and the fine furniture, in exact proportion as he had been

'If I come here to ask a question or two, and get a document or two to consider of, I don't bind myself to

'My dear fellow!' cried Tigg, clapping him on the shoulder, 'I applaud your frankness. If men like you and I

speak openly at first, all possible misunderstanding is avoided. Why should I disguise what you know so

well, but what the crowd never dream of? We companies are all birds of prey; mere birds of prey. The only

question is, whether in serving our own turn, we can serve yours too; whether in doublelining our own nest,

we can put a single living into yours. Oh, you're in our secret. You're behind the scenes. We'll make a merit

It was remarked, on the first introduction of Mr Jonas into these pages, that there is a simplicity of cunning no

less than a simplicity of innocence, and that in all matters involving a faith in knavery, he was the most

credulous of men. If Mr Tigg had preferred any claim to high and honourable dealing, Jonas would have

suspected him though he had been a very model of probity; but when he gave utterance to Jonas's own

thoughts of everything and everybody, Jonas began to feel that he was a pleasant fellow, and one to be talked

He changed his position in the chair, not for a less awkward, but for a more boastful attitude; and smiling in

'You an't a bad man of business, Mr Montague. You know how to set about it, I WILL say.'

'Tut, tut,' said Tigg, nodding confidentially, and showing his white teeth; 'we are not children, Mr Chuzzlewit;

Jonas assented, and said after a short silence, first spreading out his legs, and sticking one arm akimbo to

'Don't say, the truth,' interposed Tigg, with another grin. 'It's so like humbug.'

'That I didn't consider myself very well used by one or two of the old companies in some negotiations I

have had with 'emonce had, I mean. They started objections they had no right to start, and put questions

As he made these observations he cast down his eyes, and looked curiously at the carpet. Mr Tigg looked

He made so long a pause, that Tigg came to the rescue, and said, in his pleasantest manner:

'No, no,' returned Jonas, with a cunning shake of the head; 'none of that, thankee. No wine over business. All

'What an old hand you are, Mr Chuzzlewit!' said Tigg, leaning back in his chair, and leering at him through

Jonas shook his head again, as much as to say, 'You're right there;' And then resumed, jocosely:

'Not such an old hand, either, but that I've been and got married. That's rather green, you'll say. Perhaps it is,

especially as she's young. But one never knows what may happen to these women, so I'm thinking of insuring

her life. It is but fair, you know, that a man should secure some consolation in case of meeting with such a

'If anything can console him under such heartbreaking circumstances,' murmured Tigg, with his eyes shut

'Exactly,' returned Jonas; 'if anything can. Now, supposing I did it here, I should do it cheap, I know, and

easy, without bothering her about it; which I'd much rather not do, for it's just in a woman's way to take it into

her head, if you talk to her about such things, that she's going to die directly.'

'So it is,' cried Tigg, kissing his hand in honour of the sex. 'You're quite right. Sweet, silly, fluttering little

'Well,' said Jonas, 'on that account, you know, and because offence has been given me in other quarters, I

wouldn't mind patronizing this Company. But I want to know what sort of security there is for the Company's

'Not the truth?' cried Tigg, holding up his jewelled hand. 'Don't use that Sunday School expression, please!'

'The long and the short of it,' said Jonas. 'The long and the short of it is, what's the security?'

'The paidup capital, my dear sir,' said Tigg, referring to some papers on the table, 'is, at this present

It was not much in Jonas's way to look straight at anybody; but thus requested, he made shift to take a

tolerable survey of the chairman's features. The chairman fell back a little, to give him the better opportunity.

'You know me?' he inquired, elevating his eyebrows. 'You recollect? You've seen me before?'

'Why, I thought I remembered your face when I first came in,' said Jonas, gazing at it; 'but I couldn't call to

mind where I had seen it. No. I don't remember, even now. Was it in the street?'

'In Pecksniff's parlour!' echoed Jonas, fetching a long breath. 'You don't mean when'

'Yes,' cried Tigg, 'when there was a very charming and delightful little family party, at which yourself and

'Dead, is he!' cried Tigg, 'Venerable old gentleman, is he dead! You're very like him.'

Jonas received this compliment with anything but a good grace, perhaps because of his own private

sentiments in reference to the personal appearance of his deceased parent; perhaps because he was not best

pleased to find that Montague and Tigg were one. That gentleman perceived it, and tapping him familiarly on

the sleeve, beckoned him to the window. From this moment, Mr Montague's jocularity and flow of spirits

Mr Montague pointed down into the street, where Bailey and the cab were in attendance.

'You're right. Mine too. Why don't you'he whispered this, and nudged him in the side with his

elbow'why don't you take premiums, instead of paying 'em? That's what a man like you should do. Join

'Is that a crowded street?' asked Montague, calling his attention to the multitude without.

'Very,' said Jonas, only glancing at it, and immediately afterwards looking at him again.

'There are printed calculations,' said his companion, 'which will tell you pretty nearly how many people will

pass up and down that thoroughfare in the course of a day. I can tell you how many of 'em will come in here,

merely because they find this office here; knowing no more about it than they do of the Pyramids. Ha, ha!

'I can tell you,' said Tigg in his ear, 'how many of 'em will buy annuities, effect insurances, bring us their

money in a hundred shapes and ways, force it upon us, trust us as if we were the Mint; yet know no more

about us than you do of that crossingsweeper at the corner. Not so much. Ha, ha!'

'Yah!' said Montague, giving him a pleasant thrust in the breast; 'you're too deep for us, you dog, or I

'Done!' cried Montague. 'Wait a bit. Take these papers with you and look 'em over. See,' he said, snatching

some printed forms from the table. 'B is a little tradesman, clerk, parson, artist, author, any common thing you

'B wants a loan. Say fifty or a hundred pound; perhaps more; no matter. B proposes self and two securities. B

is accepted. Two securities give a bond. B assures his own life for double the amount, and brings two friends'

'Do it!' repeated the chairman. 'B's hard up, my good fellow, and will do anything. Don't you see? It's my

'I think it does,' replied the chairman, 'and I'm proud to hear you say so. B pays the highest lawful interest'

'Right! quite right!' retorted Tigg. 'And hard it is upon the part of the law that it should be so confoundedly

down upon us unfortunate victims; when it takes such amazing good interest for itself from all its clients. But

charity begins at home, and justice begins next door. Well! The law being hard upon us, we're not exactly soft

upon B; for besides charging B the regular interest, we get B's premium, and B's friends' premiums, and we

charge B for the bond, and, whether we accept him or not, we charge B for "inquiries" (we keep a man, at a

pound a week, to make 'em), and we charge B a trifle for the secretary; and in short, my good fellow, we stick

it into B, up hill and down dale, and make a devilish comfortable little property out of him. Ha, ha, ha! I drive

B, in point of fact,' said Tigg, pointing to the cabriolet, 'and a thoroughbred horse he is. Ha, ha, ha!'

Jonas enjoyed this joke very much indeed. It was quite in his peculiar vein of humour.

'Then,' said Tigg Montague, 'we grant annuities on the very lowest and most advantageous terms known in

the money market; and the old ladies and gentlemen down in the country buy 'em. Ha, ha, ha! And we pay

'I take it all myself,' said Tigg Montague. 'Here I am responsible for everything. The only responsible person

in the establishment! Ha, ha, ha! Then there are the Life Assurances without loans; the common policies.

Very profitable, very comfortable. Money down, you know; repeated every year; capital fun!'

'But when they begin to fall in,' observed Jonas. 'It's all very well, while the office is young, but when the

'At the first start, my dear fellow,' said Montague, 'to show you how correct your judgment is, we had a

'I give you my sacred word of honour,' said Tigg Montague, 'that I raised money on every other individual

piece of property, and was left alone in the world with a grand piano. And it was an upright grand too, so

that I couldn't even sit upon it. But, my dear fellow, we got over it. We granted a great many new policies that

week (liberal allowance to solicitors, by the bye), and got over it in no time. Whenever they should chance to

fall in heavily, as you very justly observe they may, one of these days; then' he finished the sentence in so

low a whisper, that only one disconnected word was audible, and that imperfectly. But it sounded like 'Bolt.'

'A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange!' cried the

chairman, with a laugh that shook him from head to foot. 'You'll dine with me tomorrow?'

'I don't know about that,' said Jonas. 'There's a good deal to be looked into first.'

'You shall look,' said Montague, slapping him on the back, 'into anything and everything you please. But

Obedient to the summons and the little bell, the waistcoat appeared. Being charged to show Jonas out, it went

before; and the voice within it cried, as usual, 'By your leave there, by your leave! Gentleman from the

Mr Montague being left alone, pondered for some moments, and then said, raising his voice:

'Here he is, sir.' And he promptly entered; shutting the boardroom door after him, as carefully as if he were

He was the man at a pound a week who made the inquiries. It was no virtue or merit in Nadgett that he

transacted all his AngloBengalee business secretly and in the closest confidence; for he was born to be a

secret. He was a short, driedup, withered old man, who seemed to have secreted his very blood; for nobody

would have given him credit for the possession of six ounces of it in his whole body. How he lived was a

secret; where he lived was a secret; and even what he was, was a secret. In his musty old pocketbook he

carried contradictory cards, in some of which he called himself a coal merchant, in others a winemerchant,

in others a commissionagent, in others a collector, in others an accountant; as if he really didn't know the

secret himself. He was always keeping appointments in the City, and the other man never seemed to come.

He would sit on 'Change for hours, looking at everybody who walked in and out, and would do the like at

Garraway's, and in other business coffee rooms, in some of which he would be occasionally seen drying a

very damp pockethandkerchief before the fire, and still looking over his shoulder for the man who never

appeared. He was mildewed, threadbare, shabby; always had flue upon his legs and back; and kept his linen

so secretly buttoning up and wrapping over, that he might have had noneperhaps he hadn't. He carried one

stained beaver glove, which he dangled before him by the forefinger as he walked or sat; but even its fellow

was a secret. Some people said he had been a bankrupt, others that he had gone an infant into an ancient

Chancery suit which was still depending, but it was all a secret. He carried bits of sealingwax and a

hieroglyphical old copper seal in his pocket, and often secretly indited letters in corner boxes of the

trystingplaces before mentioned; but they never appeared to go to anybody, for he would put them into a

secret place in his coat, and deliver them to himself weeks afterwards, very much to his own surprise, quite

yellow. He was that sort of man that if he had died worth a million of money, or had died worth twopence

halfpenny, everybody would have been perfectly satisfied, and would have said it was just as they expected.

And yet he belonged to a class; a race peculiar to the City; who are secrets as profound to one another, as they

'Mr Nadgett,' said Montague, copying Jonas Chuzzlewit's address upon a piece of paper, from the card which

was still lying on the table, 'any information about this name, I shall be glad to have myself. Don't you mind

Nadgett put on his spectacles, and read the name attentively; then looked at the chairman over his glasses,

and bowed; then took them off, and put them in their case; and then put the case in his pocket. When he had

done so, he looked, without his spectacles, at the paper as it lay before him, and at the same time produced his

pocketbook from somewhere about the middle of his spine. Large as it was, it was very full of documents,

but he found a place for this one; and having clasped it carefully, passed it by a kind of solemn legerdemain

He withdrew with another bow and without a word; opening the door no wider than was sufficient for his

passage out; and shutting it as carefully as before. The chairman of the board employed the rest of the

morning in affixing his signmanual of gracious acceptance to various new proposals of annuitypurchase

There were many powerful reasons for Jonas Chuzzlewit being strongly prepossessed in favour of the scheme

which its great originator had so boldly laid open to him; but three among them stood prominently forward.

Firstly, there was money to be made by it. Secondly, the money had the peculiar charm of being sagaciously

obtained at other people's cost. Thirdly, it involved much outward show of homage and distinction: a board

being an awful institution in its own sphere, and a director a mighty man. 'To make a swingeing profit, have a

lot of chaps to order about, and get into regular good society by one and the same means, and them so easy to

one's hand, ain't such a bad lookout,' thought Jonas. The latter considerations were only second to his

avarice; for, conscious that there was nothing in his person, conduct, character, or accomplishments, to

command respect, he was greedy of power, and was, in his heart, as much a tyrant as any laureled conqueror

But he determined to proceed with cunning and caution, and to be very keen on his observation of the

gentility of Mr Montague's private establishment. For it no more occurred to this shallow knave that

Montague wanted him to be so, or he wouldn't have invited him while his decision was yet in abeyance, than

the possibility of that genius being able to overreach him in any way, pierced through his selfdeceit by the

inlet of a needle's point. He had said, in the outset, that Jonas was too sharp for him; and Jonas, who would

have been sharp enough to believe him in nothing else, though he had solemnly sworn it, believed him in

It was with a faltering hand, and yet with an imbecile attempt at a swagger, that he knocked at his new

friend's door in Pall Mall when the appointed hour arrived. Mr Bailey quickly answered to the summons. He

was not proud and was kindly disposed to take notice of Jonas; but Jonas had forgotten him.

'I should hope he wos at home, and waiting dinner, too,' said Bailey, with the ease of an old acquaintance.

'What, don't you remember hold mother Todgers's?' said Mr Bailey, with his favourite action of the knees and

boots. 'Don't you remember my taking your name up to the young ladies, when you came acourting there? A

reg'lar scaly old shop, warn't it? Times is changed ain't they. I say how you've growed!'

Without pausing for any acknowledgement of this compliment, he ushered the visitor upstairs, and having

The lower story of the house was occupied by a wealthy tradesman, but Mr Montague had all the upper

portion, and splendid lodging it was. The room in which he received Jonas was a spacious and elegant

apartment, furnished with extreme magnificence; decorated with pictures, copies from the antique in alabaster

and marble, china vases, lofty mirrors, crimson hangings of the richest silk, gilded carvings, luxurious

couches, glistening cabinets inlaid with precious woods; costly toys of every sort in negligent abundance. The

only guests besides Jonas were the doctor, the resident Director, and two other gentlemen, whom Montague

'I think so,' said the doctor pleasantly, as he stepped out of the circle to shake hands. 'I trust I have the honour.

'Mr Wolf,' said Montague, as soon as the doctor would allow him to introduce the two others, 'Mr

Both gentlemen were exceedingly happy to have the honour of making Mr Chuzzlewit's acquaintance. The

'Men of the world, my dear sirmen of the world. Hem! Mr Wolf literary characteryou needn't

mention itremarkably clever weekly paperoh, remarkably clever! Mr Piptheatrical man capital

'Well!' said Wolf, folding his arms and resuming a conversation which the arrival of Jonas had interrupted.

'Why,' returned Pip, with an oath. 'He didn't know what to say. Same, sir, if he wasn't as mute as a poker. But

'The best fellow in the world!' cried Wolf. 'It as only last week that Nobley said to me, "By Gad, Wolf, I've

got a living to bestow, and if you had but been brought up at the University, strike me blind if I wouldn't have

'Oh, yes!' cried Pip. 'To be sure. So I was. At first he was dumbsewn up, dead, sirbut after a minute he

said to the Duke, "Here's Pip. Ask Pip. Pip's our mutual friend. Ask Pip. He knows." "Damme!" said the

Duke, "I appeal to Pip then. Come, Pip. Bandy or not bandy? Speak out!" "Bandy, your Grace, by the Lord

Harry!" said I. "Ha, ha!" laughed the Duke. "To be sure she is. Bravo, Pip. Well said Pip. I wish I may die if

you're not a trump, Pip. Pop me down among your fashionable visitors whenever I'm in town, Pip." And so I

The conclusion of this story gave immense satisfaction, which was in no degree lessened by the

announcement of dinner. Jonas repaired to the dining room, along with his distinguished host, and took his

seat at the board between that individual and his friend the doctor. The rest fell into their places like men who

were well accustomed to the house; and dinner was done full justice to, by all parties.

It was a good a one as money (or credit, no matter which) could produce. The dishes, wines, and fruits were

of the choicest kind. Everything was elegantly served. The plate was gorgeous. Mr Jonas was in the midst of

'Oh!' said Jonas, who had had several glasses already. 'As much of that as you like! It's too good to refuse.'

'Positively, you know, that'sha, ha, ha!' observed the doctor, laying down his knife and fork for one instant,

'Why, what do you call this?' retorted Jonas. 'You don't mean to say you do this every day, do you?'

'My dear fellow,' said Montague, shrugging his shoulders, 'every day of my life, when I dine at home. This is

my common style. It was of no use having anything uncommon for you. You'd have seen through it. "You'll

have a party?" said Crimple. "No, I won't," I said. "he shall take us in the rough!"

'And pretty smooth, too, ecod!' said Jonas, glancing round the table. 'This don't cost a trifle.'

'Why, to be candid with you, it does not,' returned the other. 'But I like this sort of thing. It's the way I spend

'When you join us, you won't get rid of your share of the profits in the same way?' said Tigg.

'Well, and you're right,' said Tigg, with friendly candour. 'You needn't. It's not necessary. One of a Company

must do it to hold the connection together; but, as I take a pleasure in it, that's my department. You don't

'And I'll never attempt to talk business to you over wine, I take my oath,' said Tigg. 'Oh deep, deep, deep of

you this morning! I must tell 'em that. They're the very men to enjoy it. Pip, my good fellow, I've a splendid

little trait to tell you of my friend Chuzzlewit who is the deepest dog I know; I give you my sacred word of

Pip swore a frightful oath that he was sure of it already; and the anecdote, being told, was received with loud

applause, as an incontestable proof of Mr Jonas's greatness. Pip, in a natural spirit of emulation, then related

some instances of his own depth; and Wolf not to be left behindhand, recited the leading points of one or

two vastly humorous articles he was then preparing. These lucubrations being of what he called 'a warm

complexion,' were highly approved; and all the company agreed that they were full of point.

'Men of the world, my dear sir,' Jobling whispered to Jonas; 'thorough men of the world! To a professional

person like myself it's quite refreshing to come into this kind of society. It's not only agreeableand nothing

CAN be more agreeablebut it's philosophically improving. It's character, my dear sir; character!'

It is so pleasant to find real merit appreciated, whatever its particular walk in life may be, that the general

harmony of the company was doubtless much promoted by their knowing that the two men of the world were

held in great esteem by the upper classes of society, and by the gallant defenders of their country in the army

and navy, but particularly the former. The least of their stories had a colonel in it; lords were as plentiful as

oaths; and even the Blood Royal ran in the muddy channel of their personal recollections.

'Mr Chuzzlewit didn't know him, I'm afraid,' said Wolf, in reference to a certain personage of illustrious

'No,' said Tigg. 'But we must bring him into contact with this sort of fellows.'

'Oh, yes; he took my paper regularly for many years. Do you know he said some good things now and then?

He asked a certain Viscount, who's a friend of minePip knows him"What's the editor's name, what's the

editor's name?" "Wolf." "Wolf, eh? Sharp biter, Wolf. We must keep the Wolf from the door, as the proverb

'But the Viscount's the boy!' cried Pip, who invented a new oath for the introduction of everything he said.

'The Viscount's the boy! He came into our place one night to take Her home; rather slued, but not much; and

said, "Where's Pip? I want to see Pip. Produce Pip!""What's the row, my lord?""Shakspeare's an

infernal humbug, Pip! What's the good of Shakspeare, Pip? I never read him. What the devil is it all about,

Pip? There's a lot of feet in Shakspeare's verse, but there an't any legs worth mentioning in Shakspeare's

plays, are there, Pip? Juliet, Desdemona, Lady Macbeth, and all the rest of 'em, whatever their names are,

might as well have no legs at all, for anything the audience know about it, Pip. Why, in that respect they're all

Miss Biffins to the audience, Pip. I'll tell you what it is. What the people call dramatic poetry is a collection

of sermons. Do I go to the theatre to be lectured? No, Pip. If I wanted that, I'd go to church. What's the

legitimate object of the drama, Pip? Human nature. What are legs? Human nature. Then let us have plenty of

leg pieces, Pip, and I'll stand by you, my buck!" and I am proud to say,' added Pip, 'that he DID stand by me,

The conversation now becoming general, Mr Jonas's opinion was requested on this subject; and as it was in

full accordance with the sentiments of Mr Pip, that gentleman was extremely gratified. Indeed, both himself

and Wolf had so much in common with Jonas, that they became very amicable; and between their increasing

It does not follow in the case of such a person that the more talkative he becomes, the more agreeable he is;

on the contrary, his merits show to most advantage, perhaps, in silence. Having no means, as he thought, of

putting himself on an equality with the rest, but by the assertion of that depth and sharpness on which he had

been complimented, Jonas exhibited that faculty to the utmost; and was so deep and sharp that he lost himself

It was especially in his way and character to exhibit his quality at his entertainer's expense; and while he

drank of his sparkling wines, and partook of his monstrous profusion, to ridicule the extravagance which had

set such costly fare before him. Even at such a wanton board, and in such more than doubtful company, this

might have proved a disagreeable experiment, but that Tigg and Crimple, studying to understand their man

thoroughly, gave him what license he chose: knowing that the more he took, the better for their purpose. And

thus while the blundering cheatgull that he was, for all his cunningthought himself rolled up hedgehog

fashion, with his sharpest points towards them, he was, in fact, betraying all his vulnerable parts to their

Whether the two gentlemen who contributed so much to the doctor's philosophical knowledge (by the way,

the doctor slipped off quietly, after swallowing his usual amount of wine) had had their cue distinctly from

the host, or took it from what they saw and heard, they acted their parts very well. They solicited the honour

of Jonas's better acquaintance; trusted that they would have the pleasure of introducing him into that elevated

society in which he was so well qualified to shine; and informed him, in the most friendly manner that the

advantages of their respective establishments were entirely at his control. In a word, they said 'Be one of us!'

And Jonas said he was infinitely obliged to them, and he would be; adding within himself, that so long as

After coffee, which was served in the drawingroom, there was a short interval (mainly sustained by Pip and

Wolf) of conversation; rather highly spiced and strongly seasoned. When it flagged, Jonas took it up and

showed considerable humour in appraising the furniture; inquiring whether such an article was paid for; what

it had originally cost, and the like. In all of this, he was, as he considered, desperately hard on Montague, and

Some Champagne Punch gave a new though temporary fillip to the entertainments of the evening. For after

leading to some noisy proceedings, which were not intelligible, it ended in the unsteady departure of the two

As he could not be made to understand where he was, Mr Bailey received orders to call a hackneycoach,

and take him home; which that young gentleman roused himself from an uneasy sleep in the hall to do. It

'Is he hooked, do you think?' whispered Crimple, as himself and partner stood in a distant part of the room

'Aye!' said Tigg, in the same tone. 'With a strong iron, perhaps. Has Nadgett been here tonight?'

'Tell them to be sure and send him up to my bedside. Hush! Here's the boy! Now Mr Bailey, take this

They got him upright with some difficulty, and assisted him downstairs, where they put his hat upon his head,

and tumbled him into the coach. Mr Bailey, having shut him in, mounted the box beside the coachman, and

smoked his cigar with an air of particular satisfaction; the undertaking in which he was engaged having a free

Arriving in due time at the house in the City, Mr Bailey jumped down, and expressed the lively nature of his

feelings in a knock the like of which had probably not been heard in that quarter since the great fire of

London. Going out into the road to observe the effect of this feat, he saw that a dim light, previously visible

at an upper window, had been already removed and was travelling downstairs. To obtain a foreknowledge of

the bearer of this taper, Mr Bailey skipped back to the door again, and put his eye to the keyhole.

It was the merry one herself. But sadly, strangely altered! So careworn and dejected, so faltering and full of

fear; so fallen, humbled, broken; that to have seen her quiet in her coffin would have been a less surprise.

She set the light upon a bracket in the hall, and laid her hand upon her heart; upon her eyes; upon her burning

head. Then she came on towards the door with such a wild and hurried step that Mr Bailey lost his

selfpossession, and still had his eye where the keyhole had been, when she opened it.

'Aha!' said Mr Bailey, with an effort. 'There you are, are you? What's the matter? Ain't you well, though?'

In the midst of her astonishment as she recognized him in his altered dress, so much of her old smile came

back to her face that Bailey was glad. But next moment he was sorry again, for he saw tears standing in her

'Don't be frightened,' said Bailey. 'There ain't nothing the matter. I've brought home Mr Chuzzlewit. He ain't

ill. He's only a little swipey, you know.' Mr Bailey reeled in his boots, to express intoxication.

'Todgers's, bless you! No!' cried Mr Bailey. 'I haven't got nothin, to do with Todgers's. I cut that connection

long ago. He's been a dining with my governor at the westend. Didn't you know he was a coming to see

'Oh yes! We're heavy swells too, and so I tell you. Don't you come out, acatching cold in your head. I'll

wake him!' Mr Bailey expressing in his demeanour a perfect confidence that he could carry him in with ease,

if necessary, opened the coach door, let down the steps, and giving Jonas a shake, cried 'We've got home, my

He was so far recovered as to be able to respond to this appeal, and to come stumbling out of the coach in a

heap, to the great hazard of Mr Bailey's person. When he got upon the pavement, Mr Bailey first butted at

him in front, and then dexterously propped him up behind; and having steadied him by these means, he

'You go up first with the light,' said Bailey to Mr Jonas, 'and we'll foller. Don't tremble so. He won't hurt you.

She went on before; and her husband and Bailey, by dint of tumbling over each other, and knocking

themselves about, got at last into the sittingroom above stairs, where Jonas staggered into a seat.

'There!' said Mr Bailey. 'He's all right now. You ain't got nothing to cry for, bless you! He's righter than a

The illfavoured brute, with dress awry, and sodden face, and rumpled hair, sat blinking and drooping, and

rolling his idiotic eyes about, until, becoming conscious by degrees, he recognized his wife, and shook his fist

'Ah!' cried Mr Bailey, squaring his arms with a sudden emotion. 'What, you're wicious, are you? Would you

'Pray, go away!' said Merry. 'Bailey, my good boy, go home. Jonas!' she said; timidly laying her hand upon

'Look at her!' cried Jonas, pushing her off with his extended arm. 'Look here! Look at her! Here's a bargain

'Dear Devil!' he replied, with a fierce gesture. 'You're a pretty clog to be tied to a man for life, you mewling,

With affected gayety she gave Bailey a piece of money, and again implored him to be gone. Her entreaty was

so earnest, that the boy had not the heart to stay there. But he stopped at the bottom of the stairs, and listened.

'I wouldn't say it if I was sober!' retorted Jonas. 'You know better. Have I never said it when I was sober?'

'Hark ye!' cried Jonas, stamping his foot upon the ground. 'You made me bear your pretty humours once, and

ecod I'll make you bear mine now. I always promised myself I would. I married you that I might. I'll know

'Heaven knows I am obedient!' said the sobbing girl. 'Much more so than I ever thought to be!'

Jonas laughed in his drunken exultation. 'What! you're finding it out, are you! Patience, and you will in time!

Griffins have claws, my girl. There's not a pretty slight you ever put upon me, nor a pretty trick you ever

played me, nor a pretty insolence you ever showed me, that I won't pay back a hundredfold. What else did I

It might have softened himindeed it mightto hear her turn a little fragment of a song he used to say he

'Oho!' he said, 'you're deaf, are you? You don't hear me, eh? So much the better for you. I hate you. I hate

myself, for having, been fool enough to strap a pack upon my back for the pleasure of treading on it

whenever I choose. Why, things have opened to me, now, so that I might marry almost where I liked. But I

wouldn't; I'd keep single. I ought to be single, among the friends I know. Instead of that, here I am, tied like a

log to you. Pah! Why do you show your pale face when I come home? Am I never to forget you?'

'How late it is!' she said cheerfully, opening the shutter after an interval of silence. 'Broad day, Jonas!'

'I was reading,' she proceeded, 'all night long. I began when you went out, and read till you came home again.

The strangest story, Jonas! And true, the book says. I'll tell it you tomorrow.'

'Was there anything in it, about a man's being determined to conquer his wife, break her spirit, bend her

temper, crush all her humours like so many nutshellskill her, for aught I know?' said Jonas.

'Oh!' he returned. 'That'll be a true story though, before long; for all the book says nothing about it. It's a lying

There was another interval of silence; and the boy was stealing away, when he heard her footstep on the floor,

and stopped. She went up to him, as it seemed, and spoke lovingly; saying that she would defer to him in

everything and would consult his wishes and obey them, and they might be very happy if he would be gentle

No angry cries; no loud reproaches. Even her weeping and her sobs were stifled by her clinging round him.

She only said, repeating it in agony of heart, how could he, could he, could heand lost utterance in tears.

Oh woman, God beloved in old Jerusalem! The best among us need deal lightly with thy faults, if only for the

punishment thy nature will endure, in bearing heavy evidence against us, on the Day of Judgment!

It may have been the restless remembrance of what he had seen and heard overnight, or it may have been no

deeper mental operation than the discovery that he had nothing to do, which caused Mr Bailey, on the

following afternoon, to feel particularly disposed for agreeable society, and prompted him to pay a visit to his

On the little bell giving clamorous notice of a visitor's approach (for Mr Bailey came in at the door with a

lunge, to get as much sound out of the bell as possible), Poll Sweedlepipe desisted from the contemplation of

'Why, you look smarter by day,' said Poll, 'than you do by candle light. I never see such a tight young

'There's the remains of a fine woman about Sairah, Poll,' observed Mr Bailey, with genteel indifference.

'Too much crumb, you know,' said Mr Bailey; 'too fat, Poll. But there's many worse at her time of life'

'The very owl's aopening his eyes!' thought Poll. 'I don't wonder at it in a bird of his opinions.'

He happened to have been sharpening his razors, which were lying open in a row, while a huge strop dangled

from the wall. Glancing at these preparations, Mr Bailey stroked his chin, and a thought appeared to occur to

'Poll,' he said, 'I ain't as neat as I could wish about the gills. Being here, I may as well have a shave, and get

The barber stood aghast; but Mr Bailey divested himself of his neck cloth, and sat down in the easy shaving

chair with all the dignity and confidence in life. There was no resisting his manner. The evidence of sight and

touch became as nothing. His chin was as smooth as a newlaid egg or a scraped Dutch cheese; but Poll

Sweedlepipe wouldn't have ventured to deny, on affidavit, that he had the beard of a Jewish rabbi.

'Go WITH the grain, Poll, all round, please,' said Mr Bailey, screwing up his face for the reception of the

lather. 'You may do wot you like with the bits of whisker. I don't care for 'em.'

The meek little barber stood gazing at him with the brush and soap dish in his hand, stirring them round and

round in a ludicrous uncertainty, as if he were disabled by some fascination from beginning. At last he made

a dash at Mr Bailey's cheek. Then he stopped again, as if the ghost of a beard had suddenly receded from his

touch; but receiving mild encouragement from Mr Bailey, in the form of an adjuration to 'Go in and win,' he

lathered him bountifully. Mr Bailey smiled through the suds in his satisfaction. 'Gently over the stones, Poll.

Poll Sweedlepipe obeyed, and scraped the lather off again with particular care. Mr Bailey squinted at every

successive dab, as it was deposited on a cloth on his left shoulder, and seemed, with a microscopic eye, to

detect some bristles in it; for he murmured more than once 'Reether redder than I could wish, Poll.' The

operation being concluded, Poll fell back and stared at him again, while Mr Bailey, wiping his face on the

jacktowel, remarked, 'that arter late hours nothing freshened up a man so much as a easy shave.'

He was in the act of tying his cravat at the glass, without his coat, and Poll had wiped his razor, ready for the

next customer, when Mrs Gamp, coming downstairs, looked in at the shopdoor to give the barber

neighbourly good day. Feeling for her unfortunate situation, in having conceived a regard for himself which it

was not in the nature of things that he could return, Mr Bailey hastened to soothe her with words of kindness.

'Hallo!' he said, 'Sairah! I needn't ask you how you've been this long time, for you're in full bloom. All

'Why, drat the Bragian boldness of that boy!' cried Mrs Gamp, though not displeased. 'What a imperent

Mr Bailey regarded this as a delicate confession of her attachment, and a hint that no pecuniary gain could

recompense her for its being rendered hopeless. He felt flattered. Disinterested affection is always flattering.

'Ah, dear!' moaned Mrs Gamp, sinking into the shaving chair, 'that there blessed Bull, Mr Sweedlepipe, has

done his wery best to conker me. Of all the trying inwalieges in this walley of the shadder, that one beats 'em

It was the practice of Mrs Gamp and her friends in the profession, to say this of all the easy customers; as

having at once the effect of discouraging competitors for office, and accounting for the necessity of high

'Talk of constitooshun!' Mrs Gamp observed. 'A person's constitooshun need be made of bricks to stand it.

Mrs Harris jestly says to me, but t'other day, "Oh! Sairey Gamp," she says, "how is it done?" "Mrs Harris,

ma'am," I says to her, "we gives no trust ourselves, and puts a deal o'trust elsevere; these is our religious

feelins, and we finds 'em answer." "Sairey," says Mrs Harris, "sech is life. Vich likeways is the hend of all

The barber gave a soft murmur, as much as to say that Mrs Harris's remark, though perhaps not quite so

intelligible as could be desired from such an authority, did equal honour to her head and to her heart.

'And here,' continued Mrs Gamp, 'and here am I agoin twenty mile in distant, on as wentersome a chance as

ever any one as monthlied ever run, I do believe. Says Mrs Harris, with a woman's and a mother's art

abeatin in her human breast, she says to me, "You're not a goin, Sairey, Lord forgive you!" "Why am I not

agoin, Mrs Harris?" I replies. "Mrs Gill," I says, "wos never wrong with six; and is it likely, ma'amI ast

you as a motherthat she will begin to be unreg'lar now? Often and often have I heerd him say," I says to

Mrs Harris, meaning Mr Gill, "that he would back his wife agen Moore's almanack, to name the very day and

hour, for ninepence farden. IS it likely, ma'am," I says, "as she will fail this once?" Says Mrs Harris "No,

ma'am, not in the course of natur. But," she says, the tears afillin in her eyes, "you knows much betterer than

me, with your experienge, how little puts us out. A Punch's show," she says, "a chimbley sweep, a

newfundlan dog, or a drunkin man acomin round the corner sharp may do it." So it may, Mr Sweedlepipes,'

said Mrs Gamp, 'there's no deniging of it; and though my books is clear for a full week, I takes a anxious art

'Worrit myself!' cried Mrs Gamp, raising her hands and turning up her eyes. 'You speak truth in that, sir, if

you never speaks no more 'twixt this and when two Sundays jines together. I feels the sufferins of other

people more than I feels my own, though no one mayn't suppoge it. The families I've had,' said Mrs Gamp, 'if

all was knowd and credit done where credit's doo, would take a week to chris'en at Saint Polge's fontin!'

'Into Har'fordshire, which is his native air. But native airs nor native graces neither,' Mrs Gamp observed,

Mrs Gamp shook her head mysteriously, and pursed up her lips. 'There's fevers of the mind,' she said, 'as well

as body. You may take your slime drafts till you files into the air with efferwescence; but you won't cure that.'

'Ah!' said the barber, opening his eyes, and putting on his raven aspect; 'Lor!'

'No. You may make yourself as light as any gash balloon,' said Mrs Gamp. 'But talk, when you're wrong in

your head and when you're in your sleep, of certain things; and you'll be heavy in your mind.'

'Of what kind of things now?' inquired Poll, greedily biting his nails in his great interest. 'Ghosts?'

Mrs Gamp, who perhaps had been already tempted further than she had intended to go, by the barber's

stimulating curiosity, gave a sniff of uncommon significance, and said, it didn't signify.

'I'm agoin down with my patient in the coach this arternoon,' she proceeded. 'I'm agoin to stop with him a

day or so, till he gets a country nuss (drat them country nusses, much the orkard hussies knows about their

bis'ness); and then I'm acomin back; and that's my trouble, Mr Sweedlepipes. But I hope that everythink'll

only go on right and comfortable as long as I'm away; perwisin which, as Mrs Harris says, Mrs Gill is

welcome to choose her own time; all times of the day and night bein' equally the same to me.'

During the progress of the foregoing remarks, which Mrs Gamp had addressed exclusively to the barber, Mr

Bailey had been tying his cravat, getting on his coat, and making hideous faces at himself in the glass. Being

now personally addressed by Mrs Gamp, he turned round, and mingled in the conversation.

'You ain't been in the City, I suppose, sir, since we was all three there together,' said Mrs Gamp, 'at Mr

'Yes, Poll, reether so. You can call it this morning, if you like to be particular. He dined with us.'

'Who does that young Limb mean by "hus?"' said Mrs Gamp, with most impatient emphasis.

'Me and my Governor, Sairah. He dined at our house. We wos very merry, Sairah. So much so, that I was

obliged to see him home in a hackney coach at three o'clock in the morning.' It was on the tip of the boy's

tongue to relate what had followed; but remembering how easily it might be carried to his master's ears, and

the repeated cautions he had had from Mr Crimple 'not to chatter,' he checked himself; adding, only, 'She was

'And all things considered,' said Mrs Gamp sharply, 'she might have know'd better than to go atirin herself

out, by doin' anythink of the sort. Did they seem pretty pleasant together, sir?'

'They haven't been married so long,' observed Poll, rubbing his hands, 'that they need be anything but

'Especially,' pursued the barber, 'when the gentleman bears such a character as you gave him.'

'I speak; as I find, Mr Sweedlepipes,' said Mrs Gamp. 'Forbid it should be otherways! But we never knows

wot's hidden in each other's hearts; and if we had glass winders there, we'd need keep the shetters up, some

'No,' said Mrs Gamp, cutting him very short, 'I don't. Don't think I do. The torters of the Imposition shouldn't

make me own I did. All I says is,' added the good woman, rising and folding her shawl about her, 'that the

The little barber having in his eager curiosity a great desire to see Mrs Gamp's patient, proposed to Mr Bailey

that they should accompany her to the Bull, and witness the departure of the coach. That young gentleman

Arriving at the tavern, Mrs Gamp (who was fulldressed for the journey, in her latest suit of mourning) left

her friends to entertain themselves in the yard, while she ascended to the sick room, where her

He was so wasted, that it seemed as if his bones would rattle when they moved him. His cheeks were sunken,

and his eyes unnaturally large. He lay back in the easychair like one more dead than living; and rolled his

languid eyes towards the door when Mrs Gamp appeared, as painfully as if their weight alone were

'We looks a deal charminger than we are, then,' returned Mrs Prig, a little chafed in her temper. 'We got out of

bed back'ards, I think, for we're as cross as two sticks. I never see sich a man. He wouldn't have been washed,

'Couldn't you keep it shut then?' retorted Mrs Prig. 'Who do you think's to wash one feater, and miss another,

and wear one's eyes out with all manner of fine work of that description, for halfa crown a day! If you

'There!' said Mrs Prig, 'that's the way he's been aconductin of himself, Sarah, ever since I got him out of bed,

'Instead of being grateful,' Mrs Gamp observed, 'for all our little ways. Oh, fie for shame, sir, fie for shame!'

Here Mrs Prig seized the patient by the chin, and began to rasp his unhappy head with a hairbrush.

'I suppose you don't like that, neither!' she observed, stopping to look at him.

It was just possible that he didn't for the brush was a specimen of the hardest kind of instrument producible

by modern art; and his very eyelids were red with the friction. Mrs Prig was gratified to observe the

When his hair was smoothed down comfortably into his eyes, Mrs Prig and Mrs Gamp put on his

neckerchief; adjusting his shirt collar with great nicety, so that the starched points should also invade those

organs, and afflict them with an artificial ophthalmia. His waistcoat and coat were next arranged; and as

every button was wrenched into a wrong buttonhole, and the order of his boots was reversed, he presented

'I don't think it's right,' said the poor weak invalid. 'I feel as if I was in somebody else's clothes. I'm all on one

side; and you've made one of my legs shorter than the other. There's a bottle in my pocket too. What do you

'Deuce take the man!' cried Mrs Gamp, drawing it forth. 'If he ain't been and got my nightbottle here. I made

a little cupboard of his coat when it hung behind the door, and quite forgot it, Betsey. You'll find a ingun or

two, and a little tea and sugar in his t'other pocket, my dear, if you'll just be good enough to take 'em out.'

Betsey produced the property in question, together with some other articles of general chandlery; and Mrs

Gamp transferred them to her own pocket, which was a species of nankeen pannier. Refreshment then arrived

in the form of chops and strong ale for the ladies, and a basin of beeftea for the patient; which refection was

'Up and dressed!' cried John, sitting down beside him. 'That's brave. How do you feel?'

'No wonder. You have had a hard bout of it. But country air, and change of scene,' said John, 'will make

another man of you! Why, Mrs Gamp,' he added, laughing, as he kindly arranged the sick man's garments,

'Mr Lewsome an't a easy gent to get into his clothes, sir,' Mrs Gamp replied with dignity; 'as me and Betsey

John at that moment was standing close in front of the sick man, in the act of releasing him from the torture

'Mr Westlock! I don't wish to be overheard. I have something very particular and strange to say to you;

something that has been a dreadful weight on my mind, through this long illness.'

Quick in all his motions, John was turning round to desire the women to leave the room; when the sick man

'Not now. I've not the strength. I've not the courage. May I tell it when I have? May I write it, if I find that

'Don't ask me what it is. It's unnatural and cruel. Frightful to think of. Frightful to tell. Frightful to know.

Frightful to have helped in. Let me kiss your hand for all your goodness to me. Be kinder still, and don't ask

At first, John gazed at him in great surprise; but remembering how very much reduced he was, and how

recently his brain had been on fire with fever, believed that he was labouring under some imaginary horror or

despondent fancy. For farther information on this point, he took an opportunity of drawing Mrs Gamp aside,

while Betsey Prig was wrapping him in cloaks and shawls, and asked her whether he was quite collected in

'Oh bless you, no!' said Mrs Gamp. 'He hates his nusses to this hour. They always does it, sir. It's a certain

sign. If you could have heerd the poor dear soul afindin fault with me and Betsey Prig, not half an hour ago,

This almost confirmed John in his suspicion; so, not taking what had passed into any serious account, he

resumed his former cheerful manner, and assisted by Mrs Gamp and Betsey Prig, conducted Lewsome

downstairs to the coach; just then upon the point of starting. Poll Sweedlepipe was at the door with his arms

tight folded and his eyes wide open, and looked on with absorbing interest, while the sick man was slowly

moved into the vehicle. His bony hands and haggard face impressed Poll wonderfully; and he informed Mr

Bailey in confidence, that he wouldn't have missed seeing him for a pound. Mr Bailey, who was of a different

It was a troublesome matter to adjust Mrs Gamp's luggage to her satisfaction; for every package belonging to

that lady had the inconvenient property of requiring to be put in a boot by itself, and to have no other luggage

near it, on pain of actions at law for heavy damages against the proprietors of the coach. The umbrella with

the circular patch was particularly hard to be got rid of, and several times thrust out its battered brass nozzle

from improper crevices and chinks, to the great terror of the other passengers. Indeed, in her intense anxiety

to find a haven of refuge for this chattel, Mrs Gamp so often moved it, in the course of five minutes, that it

seemed not one umbrella but fifty. At length it was lost, or said to be; and for the next five minutes she was

face to face with the coachman, go wherever he might, protesting that it should be 'made good,' though she

At last, her bundle, and her pattens, and her basket, and everything else, being disposed of, she took a friendly

leave of Poll and Mr Bailey, dropped a curtsey to John Westlock, and parted as from a cherished member of

'Wishin you lots of sickness, my darlin creetur,' Mrs Gamp observed, 'and good places. It won't be long, I

hope, afore we works together, off and on, again, Betsey; and may our next meetin' be at a large family's,

where they all takes it reg'lar, one from another, turn and turn about, and has it businesslike.'

Mrs Gamp with a reply in a congenial spirit was backing to the coach, when she came in contact with a lady

'Take care, take care here!' cried the gentleman. 'Halloo! My dear! Why, it's Mrs Gamp!'

'What, Mr Mould!' exclaimed the nurse. 'And Mrs Mould! who would have thought as we should ever have a

'It IS unusual, sir,' said Mrs Gamp. 'But only for a day or two at most. The gent,' she whispered, 'as I spoke

'What, in the coach!' cried Mould. 'The one you thought of recommending? Very odd. My dear, this will

interest you. The gentleman that Mrs Gamp thought likely to suit us is in the coach, my love.'

'Here, my dear. You can stand upon the doorstep,' said Mould, 'and take a look at him. Ha! There he is.

'Upon my life, you know, this is a very singular circumstance,' said Mould, quite delighted. 'This is the sort of

thing, my dear, I wouldn't have missed on any account. It tickles one. It's interesting. It's almost a little play,

'He's coming our way, perhaps, after all,' said Mould. 'Who knows! I feel as if I ought to show him some little

attention, really. He don't seem a stranger to me. I'm very much inclined to move my hat, my dear.'

'Then I will!' cried Mould. 'How d'ye do, sir! I wish you good day. Ha! He bows too. Very gentlemanly. Mrs

Gamp has the cards in her pocket, I have no doubt. This is very singular, my dearand very pleasant. I am

not superstitious, but it really seems as if one was destined to pay him those little melancholy civilities which

belong to our peculiar line of business. There can be no kind of objection to your kissing your hand to him,

'Ha!' said Mould. 'He's evidently gratified. Poor fellow! I am quite glad you did it, my love. Bye bye, Mrs

So he did; for the coach rolled off as the words were spoken. Mr and Mrs Mould, in high good humour, went

their merry way. Mr Bailey retired with Poll Sweedlepipe as soon as possible; but some little time elapsed

before he could remove his friend from the ground, owing to the impression wrought upon the barber's nerves

by Mrs Prig, whom he pronounced, in admiration of her beard, to be a woman of transcendent charms.

When the light cloud of bustle hanging round the coach was thus dispersed, Nadgett was seen in the darkest

box of the Bull coffee room, looking wistfully up at the clockas if the man who never appeared were a

As the surgeon's first care after amputating a limb, is to take up the arteries the cruel knife has severed, so it is

the duty of this history, which in its remorseless course has cut from the Pecksniffian trunk its right arm,

Mercy, to look to the parent stem, and see how in all its various ramifications it got on without her.

And first of Mr Pecksniff it may be observed, that having provided for his youngest daughter that choicest of

blessings, a tender and indulgent husband; and having gratified the dearest wish of his parental heart by

establishing her in life so happily; he renewed his youth, and spreading the plumage of his own bright

conscience, felt himself equal to all kinds of flights. It is customary with fathers in stageplays, after giving

their daughters to the men of their hearts, to congratulate themselves on having no other business on their

hands but to die immediately; though it is rarely found that they are in a hurry to do it. Mr Pecksniff, being a

father of a more sage and practical class, appeared to think that his immediate business was to live; and

But however much inclined the good man was to be jocose and playful, and in the garden of his fancy to

disport himself (if one may say so) like an architectural kitten, he had one impediment constantly opposed to

him. The gentle Cherry, stung by a sense of slight and injury, which far from softening down or wearing out,

rankled and festered in her heartthe gentle Cherry was in flat rebellion. She waged fierce war against her

dear papa, she led her parent what is usually called, for want of a better figure of speech, the life of a dog. But

never did that dog live, in kennel, stableyard, or house, whose life was half as hard as Mr Pecksniff's with

The father and daughter were sitting at their breakfast. Tom had retired, and they were alone. Mr Pecksniff

frowned at first; but having cleared his brow, looked stealthily at his child. Her nose was very red indeed, and

'Cherry,' cried Mr Pecksniff, 'what is amiss between us? My child, why are we disunited?'

Miss Pecksniff's answer was scarcely a response to this gush of affection, for it was simply, 'Bother, Pa!'

'Oh! 'tis too late, Pa,' said his daughter, calmly 'to talk to me like this. I know what it means, and what its

'This is hard!' cried Mr Pecksniff, addressing his breakfastcup. 'This is very hard! She is my child. I carried

her in my arms when she wore shapeless worsted shoesI might say, mufflersmany years ago!'

'You needn't taunt me with that, Pa,' retorted Cherry, with a spiteful look. 'I am not so many years older than

'Ah, human nature, human nature! Poor human nature!' said Mr Pecksniff, shaking his head at human nature,

as if he didn't belong to it. 'To think that this discord should arise from such a cause! oh dear, oh dear!'

'From such a cause indeed!' cried Cherry. 'State the real cause, Pa, or I'll state it myself. Mind! I will!'

Perhaps the energy with which she said this was infectious. However that may be, Mr Pecksniff changed his

tone and the expression of his face for one of anger, if not downright violence, when he said:

'You will! you have. You did yesterday. You do always. You have no decency; you make no secret of your

'And since we have come to an explanation, Charity,' said Mr Pecksniff, rolling his head portentously, 'let me

tell you that I won't allow it. None of your nonsense, Miss! I won't permit it to be done.'

'I shall do,' said Charity, rocking her chair backwards and forwards, and raising her voice to a high pitch, 'I

shall do, Pa, what I please and what I have done. I am not going to be crushed in everything, depend upon it.

I've been more shamefully used than anybody ever was in this world,' here she began to cry and sob, 'and

may expect the worse treatment from you, I know. But I don't care for that. No, I don't!'

Mr Pecksniff was made so desperate by the loud tone in which she spoke, that, after looking about him in

frantic uncertainty for some means of softening it, he rose and shook her until the ornamental bow of hair

upon her head nodded like a plume. She was so very much astonished by this assault, that it really had the

'I'll do it again!' cried Mr Pecksniff, as he resumed his seat and fetched his breath, 'if you dare to talk in that

loud manner. How do you mean about being shamefully used? If Mr Jonas chose your sister in preference to

'Wasn't I made a convenience of? Weren't my feelings trifled with? Didn't he address himself to me first?'

sobbed Cherry, clasping her hands; 'and oh, good gracious, that I should live to be shook!'

'You'll live to be shaken again,' returned her parent, 'if you drive me to that means of maintaining the

decorum of this humble roof. You surprise me. I wonder you have not more spirit. If Mr Jonas didn't care for

'Then what are you making all this piece of work for,' retorted her father, 'if you didn't wish to have him?'

'Because I was treated with duplicity,' said Cherry; 'and because my own sister and my own father conspired

against me. I am not angry with HER,' said Cherry; looking much more angry than ever. 'I pity her. I'm sorry

'Mr Jonas will survive your calling him a wretch, my child, I dare say,' said Mr Pecksniff, with returning

'Not an end, Pa,' said Charity. 'No, not an end. That's not the only point on which we're not agreed. I won't

submit to it. It's better you should know that at once. No; I won't submit to it indeed, Pa! I am not quite a fool,

Whatever she meant, she shook Mr Pecksniff now; for his lame attempt to seem composed was melancholy

in the last degree. His anger changed to meekness, and his words were mild and fawning.

'My dear,' he said; 'if in the short excitement of an angry moment I resorted to an unjustifiable means of

suppressing a little outbreak calculated to injure you as well as myselfit's possible I may have done so;

perhaps I didI ask your pardon. A father asking pardon of his child,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'is, I believe, a

But it didn't at all soften Miss Pecksniff; perhaps because her nature was not rugged enough. On the contrary,

she persisted in saying, over and over again, that she wasn't quite a fool, and wasn't blind, and wouldn't

'You labour under some mistake, my child!' said Mr Pecksniff. 'but I will not ask you what it is; I don't desire

to know. No, pray!' he added, holding out his hand and colouring again, 'let us avoid the subject, my dear,

'It's quite right that the subject should be avoided between us, sir,' said Cherry. 'But I wish to be able to avoid

'Another home, papa,' said Cherry, with increasing stateliness 'Place me at Mrs Todgers's or somewhere, on

It is possible that Miss Pecksniff saw in Mrs Todgers's a vision of enthusiastic men, pining to fall in adoration

at her feet. It is possible that Mr Pecksniff, in his newborn juvenility, saw, in the suggestion of that same

establishment, an easy means of relieving himself from an irksome charge in the way of temper and

watchfulness. It is undoubtedly a fact that in the attentive ears of Mr Pecksniff, the proposition did not sound

But he was a man of great feeling and acute sensibility; and he squeezed his pockethandkerchief against his

eyes with both hands as such men always do, especially when they are observed. 'One of my birds,' Mr

Pecksniff said, 'has left me for the stranger's breast; the other would take wing to Todgers's! Well, well, what

Even this remark, made more pathetic perhaps by his breaking down in the middle of it, had no effect upon

'But I have ever,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'sacrificed my children's happiness to my ownI mean my own

happiness to my children'sand I will not begin to regulate my life by other rules of conduct now. If you can

be happier at Mrs Todgers's than in your father's house, my dear, go to Mrs Todgers's! Do not think of me,

my girl!' said Mr Pecksniff with emotion; 'I shall get on pretty well, no doubt.'

Miss Charity, who knew he had a secret pleasure in the contemplation of the proposed change, suppressed her

own, and went on to negotiate the terms. His views upon this subject were at first so very limited that another

difference, involving possibly another shaking, threatened to ensue; but by degrees they came to something

like an understanding, and the storm blew over. Indeed, Miss Charity's idea was so agreeable to both, that it

would have been strange if they had not come to an amicable agreement. It was soon arranged between them

that the project should be tried, and that immediately; and that Cherry's not being well, and needing change of

scene, and wishing to be near her sister, should form the excuse for her departure to Mr Chuzzlewit and

Mary, to both of whom she had pleaded indisposition for some time past. These premises agreed on, Mr

Pecksniff gave her his blessing, with all the dignity of a self denying man who had made a hard sacrifice,

but comforted himself with the reflection that virtue is its own reward. Thus they were reconciled for the first

time since that not easily forgiven night, when Mr Jonas, repudiating the elder, had confessed his passion for

But how happened itin the name of an unexpected addition to that small family, the Seven Wonders of the

World, whatever and wherever they may be, how happened itthat Mr Pecksniff and his daughter were

about to part? How happened it that their mutual relations were so greatly altered? Why was Miss Pecksniff

so clamorous to have it understood that she was neither blind nor foolish, and she wouldn't bear it? It is not

possible that Mr Pecksniff had any thoughts of marrying again; or that his daughter, with the sharp eye of a

Mr Pecksniff, as a man without reproach, from whom the breath of slander passed like common breath from

any other polished surface, could afford to do what common men could not. He knew the purity of his own

motives; and when he had a motive worked at it as only a very good man (or a very bad one) can. Did he set

before himself any strong and palpable motives for taking a second wife? Yes; and not one or two of them,

Old Martin Chuzzlewit had gradually undergone an important change. Even upon the night when he made

such an illtimed arrival at Mr Pecksniff's house, he was comparatively subdued and easy to deal with. This

Mr Pecksniff attributed, at the time, to the effect his brother's death had had upon him. But from that hour his

character seemed to have modified by regular degrees, and to have softened down into a dull indifference for

almost every one but Mr Pecksniff. His looks were much the same as ever, but his mind was singularly

altered. It was not that this or that passion stood out in brighter or in dimmer hues; but that the colour of the

whole man was faded. As one trait disappeared, no other trait sprung up to take its place. His senses dwindled

too. He was less keen of sight; was deaf sometimes; took little notice of what passed before him; and would

be profoundly taciturn for days together. The process of this alteration was so easy that almost as soon as it

began to be observed it was complete. But Mr Pecksniff saw it first, and having Anthony Chuzzlewit fresh in

To a gentleman of Mr Pecksniff's tenderness, this was a very mournful sight. He could not but foresee the

probability of his respected relative being made the victim of designing persons, and of his riches falling into

worthless hands. It gave him so much pain that he resolved to secure the property to himself; to keep bad

testamentary suitors at a distance; to wall up the old gentleman, as it were, for his own use. By little and little,

therefore, he began to try whether Mr Chuzzlewit gave any promise of becoming an instrument in his hands,

and finding that he did, and indeed that he was very supple in his plastic fingers, he made it the business of

his lifekind soul!to establish an ascendancy over him; and every little test he durst apply meeting with a

success beyond his hopes, he began to think he heard old Martin's cash already chinking in his own

But when Mr Pecksniff pondered on this subject (as, in his zealous way, he often did), and thought with an

uplifted heart of the train of circumstances which had delivered the old gentleman into his hands for the

confusion of evildoers and the triumph of a righteous nature, he always felt that Mary Graham was his

stumblingblock. Let the old man say what he would, Mr Pecksniff knew he had a strong affection for her.

He knew that he showed it in a thousand little ways; that he liked to have her near him, and was never quite at

ease when she was absent long. That he had ever really sworn to leave her nothing in his will, Mr Pecksniff

greatly doubted. That even if he had, there were many ways by which he could evade the oath and satisfy his

conscience, Mr Pecksniff knew. That her unprotected state was no light burden on the old man's mind, he

also knew, for Mr Chuzzlewit had plainly told him so. 'Then,' said Mr Pecksniff 'what if I married her! What,'

repeated Mr Pecksniff, sticking up his hair and glancing at his bust by Spoker; 'what if, making sure of his

Mr Pecksniff had a lively sense of the Beautiful; especially in women. His manner towards the sex was

remarkable for its insinuating character. It is recorded of him in another part of these pages, that he embraced

Mrs Todgers on the smallest provocation; and it was a way he had; it was a part of the gentle placidity of his

disposition. Before any thought of matrimony was in his mind, he had bestowed on Mary many little tokens

of his spiritual admiration. They had been indignantly received, but that was nothing. True, as the idea

expanded within him, these had become too ardent to escape the piercing eye of Cherry, who read his scheme

at once; but he had always felt the power of Mary's charms. So Interest and Inclination made a pair, and drew

As to any thought of revenging himself on young Martin for his insolent expressions when they parted, and

of shutting him out still more effectually from any hope of reconciliation with his grandfather, Mr Pecksniff

was much too meek and forgiving to be suspected of harbouring it. As to being refused by Mary, Mr

Pecksniff was quite satisfied that in her position she could never hold out if he and Mr Chuzzlewit were both

against her. As to consulting the wishes of her heart in such a case, it formed no part of Mr Pecksniff's moral

code; for he knew what a good man he was, and what a blessing he must be to anybody. His daughter having

broken the ice, and the murder being out between them, Mr Pecksniff had now only to pursue his design as

'Well, my good sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, meeting old Martin in the garden, for it was his habit to walk in and

out by that way, as the fancy took him; 'and how is my dear friend this delicious morning?'

'Ah!' said Mr Pecksniff, 'one of his deaf days, I see. Could I mean any one else, my dear sir?'

'Indeed I might. Quite true. I might speak of her as a dear, dear friend, I hope?' observed Mr Pecksniff.

'You are speaking, I know,' returned Martin, 'but I don't catch what you say. Speak up!'

'He's getting deafer than a flint,' said Pecksniff. 'I was saying, my dear sir, that I am afraid I must make up my

'He puts the most ridiculous questions I ever heard!' muttered Mr Pecksniff. 'He's a child today.' After which

'She hasn't her health by any means,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'She misses her sister, my dear sir; they doted on each

other from the cradle. And I think of giving her a run in London for a change. A good long run, sir, if I find

'I am glad to hear you say so. I hope you mean to bear me company in this dull part, while she's away?' said

'Then why,' said Mr Pecksniff, taking the old man's arm in his, and walking slowly on; 'Why, my good sir,

can't you come and stay with me? I am sure I could surround you with more comfortslowly as is my

Cotthan you can obtain at a village house of entertainment. And pardon me, Mr Chuzzlewit, pardon me if I

say that such a place as the Dragon, however wellconducted (and, as far as I know, Mrs Lupin is one of the

'The very sight of skittles,' Mr Pecksniff eloquently pursued, 'is far from being congenial to a delicate mind.'

'Of the very vulgar,' Mr Pecksniff answered. 'Then why not bring Miss Graham here, sir? Here is the house.

Here am I alone in it, for Thomas Pinch I do not count as any one. Our lovely friend shall occupy my

Mr Pecksniff pressed his hand. 'We understand each other, my dear sir, I see!I can wind him,' he thought,

'I say,' repeated Martin, with a glimmer of his old obstinacy, 'you leave the recompense to me. Do you?'

'I always desire it,' said the old man. 'You know I always desire it. I wish to pay as I go, even when I buy of

The architect was too much overcome to speak. He tried to drop a tear upon his patron's hand, but couldn't

'May that day be very distant!' was his pious exclamation. 'Ah, sir! If I could say how deep an interest I have

'True,' he answered. 'True. She need have some one interested in her. I did her wrong to train her as I did.

Orphan though she was, she would have found some one to protect her whom she might have loved again.

When she was a child, I pleased myself with the thought that in gratifying my whim of placing her between

me and falsehearted knaves, I had done her a kindness. Now she is a woman, I have no such comfort. She

has no protector but herself. I have put her at such odds with the world, that any dog may bark or fawn upon

her at his pleasure. Indeed she stands in need of delicate consideration. Yes; indeed she does!'

'Heaven forbid!' said Mr Pecksniff. 'My dear sir, there are other ways. There are indeed. But I am much

excited and embarrassed at present, and would rather not pursue the subject. I scarcely know what I mean.

'No, no!' cried Pecksniff. 'No. Permit me to resume it at another time. I'll walk a little. Bless you!'

Old Martin blessed him in return, and squeezed his hand. As he turned away, and slowly walked towards the

house, Mr Pecksniff stood gazing after him; being pretty well recovered from his late emotion, which, in any

other man, one might have thought had been assumed as a machinery for feeling Martin's pulse. The change

in the old man found such a slight expression in his figure, that Mr Pecksniff, looking after him, could not

Old Martin happening to turn his head, saluted him affectionately. Mr Pecksniff returned the gesture.

'Why, the time was,' said Mr Pecksniff; 'and not long ago, when he wouldn't look at me! How soothing is this

change. Such is the delicate texture of the human heart; so complicated is the process of its being softened!

Externally he looks the same, and I can wind him round my little finger. Only think!'

In sober truth, there did appear to be nothing on which Mr Pecksniff might not have ventured with Martin

Chuzzlewit; for whatever Mr Pecksniff said or did was right, and whatever he advised was done. Martin had

escaped so many snares from needy fortunehunters, and had withered in the shell of his suspicion and

distrust for so many years, but to become the good man's tool and plaything. With the happiness of this

The summer weather in his bosom was reflected in the breast of Nature. Through deep green vistas where the

boughs arched overhead, and showed the sunlight flashing in the beautiful perspective; through dewy fern

from which the startled hares leaped up, and fled at his approach; by mantled pools, and fallen trees, and

down in hollow places, rustling among last year's leaves whose scent woke memory of the past; the placid

Pecksniff strolled. By meadow gates and hedges fragrant with wild roses; and by thatchedroof cottages

whose inmates humbly bowed before him as a man both good and wise; the worthy Pecksniff walked in

tranquil meditation. The bee passed onward, humming of the work he had to do; the idle gnats for ever going

round and round in one contracting and expanding ring, yet always going on as fast as he, danced merrily

before him; the colour of the long grass came and went, as if the light clouds made it timid as they floated

through the distant air. The birds, so many Pecksniff consciences, sang gayly upon every branch; and Mr

Pecksniff paid HIS homage to the day by ruminating on his projects as he walked along.

Chancing to trip, in his abstraction, over the spreading root of an old tree, he raised his pious eyes to take a

survey of the ground before him. It startled him to see the embodied image of his thoughts not far ahead.

At first Mr Pecksniff stopped as if with the intention of avoiding her; but his next impulse was to advance,

which he did at a brisk pace; caroling as he went so sweetly and with so much innocence that he only wanted

Hearing notes behind her, not belonging to the songsters of the grove, she looked round. Mr Pecksniff kissed

She said the morning was so beautiful that she had walked further than she intended, and would return. Mr

Mary declined it, and walked so very fast that he remonstrated. 'You were loitering when I came upon you,'

Mr Pecksniff said. 'Why be so cruel as to hurry now? You would not shun me, would you?'

'Yes, I would,' she answered, turning her glowing cheek indignantly upon him, 'you know I would. Release

His touch! What? That chaste patriarchal touch which Mrs Todgers surely a discreet ladyhad endured,

not only without complaint, but with apparent satisfaction! This was positively wrong. Mr Pecksniff was

'If you have not observed,' said Mary, 'that it is so, pray take assurance from my lips, and do not, as you are a

'Well, well!' said Mr Pecksniff, mildly, 'I feel that I might consider this becoming in a daughter of my own,

and why should I object to it in one so beautiful! It's harsh. It cuts me to the soul,' said Mr Pecksniff; 'but I

She tried to say she was sorry to hear it, but burst into tears. Mr Pecksniff now repeated the Todgers

performance on a comfortable scale, as if he intended it to last some time; and in his disengaged hand,

catching hers, employed himself in separating the fingers with his own, and sometimes kissing them, as he

'I am glad we met. I am very glad we met. I am able now to ease my bosom of a heavy load, and speak to you

in confidence. Mary,' said Mr Pecksniff in his tenderest tones, indeed they were so very tender that he almost

'I love you,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'my gentle life, with a devotion which is quite surprising, even to myself. I did

suppose that the sensation was buried in the silent tomb of a lady, only second to you in qualities of the mind

She tried to disengage her hand, but might as well have tried to free herself from the embrace of an

affectionate boaconstrictor; if anything so wily may be brought into comparison with Pecksniff.

'Although I am a widower,' said Mr Pecksniff, examining the rings upon her fingers, and tracing the course of

one delicate blue vein with his fat thumb, 'a widower with two daughters, still I am not encumbered, my love.

One of them, as you know, is married. The other, by her own desire, but with a view, I will confesswhy

not? to my altering my condition, is about to leave her father's house. I have a character, I hope. People are

pleased to speak well of me, I think. My person and manner are not absolutely those of a monster, I trust. Ah!

naughty Hand!' said Mr Pecksniff, apostrophizing the reluctant prize, 'why did you take me prisoner? Go, go!'

He slapped the hand to punish it; but relenting, folded it in his waistcoat to comfort it again.

'Blessed in each other, and in the society of our venerable friend, my darling,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'we shall be

happy. When he is wafted to a haven of rest, we will console each other. My pretty primrose, what do you

'It is possible,' Mary answered, in a hurried manner, 'that I ought to feel grateful for this mark of your

confidence. I cannot say that I do, but I am willing to suppose you may deserve my thanks. Take them; and

'Pray, pray release me, Mr Pecksniff. I cannot listen to your proposal. I cannot receive it. There are many to

whom it may be acceptable, but it is not so to me. As an act of kindness and an act of pity, leave me!'

Mr Pecksniff walked on with his arm round her waist, and her hand in his, as contentedly as if they had been

'If you force me by your superior strength,' said Mary, who finding that good words had not the least effect

upon him, made no further effort to suppress her indignation; 'if you force me by your superior strength to

accompany you back, and to be the subject of your insolence upon the way, you cannot constrain the

expression of my thoughts. I hold you in the deepest abhorrence. I know your real nature and despise it.'

'By what arts or unhappy chances you have gained your influence over Mr Chuzzlewit, I do not know,' said

Mary; 'it may be strong enough to soften even this, but he shall know of this, trust me, sir.'

Mr Pecksniff raised his heavy eyelids languidly, and let them fall again. It was saying with perfect coolness,

'Is it not enough,' said Mary, 'that you warp and change his nature, adapt his every prejudice to your bad ends,

and harden a heart naturally kind by shutting out the truth and allowing none but false and distorted views to

reach it; is it not enough that you have the power of doing this, and that you exercise it, but must you also be

Still Mr Pecksniff led her calmly on, and looked as mild as any lamb that ever pastured in the fields.

'My dear,' observed Mr Pecksniff, with a placid leer, 'a habit of selfexamination, and the practice ofshall I

'No, no,' resumed Mr Pecksniff, chafing the captive hand reproachfully, 'of virtuehave enabled me to set

such guards upon myself, that it is really difficult to ruffle me. It is a curious fact, but it is difficult, do you

know, for any one to ruffle me. And did she think,' said Mr Pecksniff, with a playful tightening of his grasp

Little, indeed! Her mind was so strangely constituted that she would have preferred the caresses of a toad, an

'Come, come,' said that good gentleman, 'a word or two will set this matter right, and establish a pleasant

'I am sure you are not,' said Mr Pecksniff: 'and I will tell you why. There are two Martin Chuzzlewits, my

dear; and your carrying your anger to one might have a serious effectwho knows!upon the other. You

She trembled violently, and looked at him with such a proud disdain that he turned his eyes away. No doubt

'A passive quarrel, my love,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'may be changed into an active one, remember. It would be

sad to blight even a disinherited young man in his already blighted prospects; but how easy to do it. Ah, how

easy! HAVE I influence with our venerable friend, do you think? Well, perhaps I have. Perhaps I have.'

'No,' he continued, thoughtfully. 'Upon the whole, my sweet, if I were you I'd keep my secret to myself. I am

not at all surevery far from itthat it would surprise our friend in any way, for he and I have had some

conversation together only this morning, and he is anxious, very anxious, to establish you in some more

settled manner. But whether he was surprised or not surprised, the consequence of your imparting it might be

the same. Martin junior might suffer severely. I'd have compassion on Martin junior, do you know?' said Mr

She wept so bitterly now, and was so much distressed, that he thought it prudent to unclasp her waist, and

'As to our own share in the precious little mystery,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'we will keep it to ourselves, and talk

of it between ourselves, and you shall think it over. You will consent, my love; you will consent, I know.

Whatever you may think; you will. I seem to remember to have heardI really don't know where, or

how'he added, with bewitching frankness, 'that you and Martin junior, when you were children, had a sort

of childish fondness for each other. When we are married, you shall have the satisfaction of thinking that it

didn't last to ruin him, but passed away to do him good; for we'll see then what we can do to put some trifling

help in Martin junior's way. HAVE I any influence with our venerable friend? Well! Perhaps I have. Perhaps

The outlet from the wood in which these tender passages occurred, was close to Mr Pecksniff's house. They

were now so near it that he stopped, and holding up her little finger, said in playful accents, as a parting

Receiving no reply he kissed it instead; and then stooping down, inclined his flabby face to hershe had a

flabby face, although he WAS a good manand with a blessing, which from such a source was quite enough

to set her up in life, and prosper her from that time forth permitted her to leave him.

Gallantry in its true sense is supposed to ennoble and dignify a man; and love has shed refinements on

innumerable Cymons. But Mr Pecksniffperhaps because to one of his exalted nature these were mere

grossnessescertainly did not appear to any unusual advantage, now that he was left alone. On the contrary,

he seemed to be shrunk and reduced; to be trying to hide himself within himself; and to be wretched at not

having the power to do it. His shoes looked too large; his sleeve looked too long; his hair looked too limp; his

features looked too mean; his exposed throat looked as if a halter would have done it good. For a minute or

two, in fact, he was hot, and pale, and mean, and shy, and slinking, and consequently not at all Pecksniffian.

But after that, he recovered himself, and went home with as beneficent an air as if he had been the High Priest

'I can't go too soon,' said Charity, 'under the circumstances. I have written to Mrs Todgers to propose an

arrangement, and have requested her to meet me at the coach, at all events. You'll be quite your own master

'Yes, you'll have nobody to interfere with you,' said Charity. 'At least I hope you won't. Hem! It's a changing

'What! are YOU going to be married, Miss Pecksniff?' asked Tom in great surprise.

'Not exactly,' faltered Cherry. 'I haven't made up my mind to be. I believe I could be, if I chose, Mr Pinch.'

'Of course you could!' said Tom. And he said it in perfect good faith. He believed it from the bottom of his

'No,' said Cherry, 'I am not going to be married. Nobody is, that I know of. Hem! But I am not going to live

with Papa. I have my reasons, but it's all a secret. I shall always feel very kindly towards you, I assure you,

for the boldness you showed that night. As to you and me, Mr Pinch, WE part the best friends possible!'

Tom thanked her for her confidence, and for her friendship, but there was a mystery in the former which

perfectly bewildered him. In his extravagant devotion to the family, he had felt the loss of Merry more than

any one but those who knew that for all the slights he underwent he thought his own demerits were to blame,

could possibly have understood. He had scarcely reconciled himself to that when here was Charity about to

leave them. She had grown up, as it were, under Tom's eye. The sisters were a part of Pecksniff, and a part of

Tom; items in Pecksniff's goodness, and in Tom's service. He couldn't bear it; not two hours' sleep had Tom

When morning dawned he thought he must have dreamed this piece of ambiguity; but no, on going

downstairs he found them packing trunks and cording boxes, and making other preparations for Miss

Charity's departure, which lasted all day long. In good time for the evening coach, Miss Charity deposited her

housekeeping keys with much ceremony upon the parlour table; took a gracious leave of all the house; and

quitted her paternal roofa blessing for which the Pecksniffian servant was observed by some profane

The closing words of the last chapter lead naturally to the commencement of this, its successor; for it has to

do with a church. With the church, so often mentioned heretofore, in which Tom Pinch played the organ for

One sultry afternoon, about a week after Miss Charity's departure for London, Mr Pecksniff being out

walking by himself, took it into his head to stray into the churchyard. As he was lingering among the

tombstones, endeavouring to extract an available sentiment or two from the epitaphsfor he never lost an

opportunity of making up a few moral crackers, to be let off as occasion servedTom Pinch began to

practice. Tom could run down to the church and do so whenever he had time to spare; for it was a simple

little organ, provided with wind by the action of the musician's feet; and he was independent, even of a

bellowsblower. Though if Tom had wanted one at any time, there was not a man or boy in all the village,

and away to the turnpike (tollman included), but would have blown away for him till he was black in the face.

Mr Pecksniff had no objection to music; not the least. He was tolerant of everything; he often said so. He

considered it a vagabond kind of trifling, in general, just suited to Tom's capacity. But in regard to Tom's

performance upon this same organ, he was remarkably lenient, singularly amiable; for when Tom played it on

Sundays, Mr Pecksniff in his unbounded sympathy felt as if he played it himself, and were a benefactor to the

congregation. So whenever it was impossible to devise any other means of taking the value of Tom's wages

out of him, Mr Pecksniff gave him leave to cultivate this instrument. For which mark of his consideration

The afternoon was remarkably warm, and Mr Pecksniff had been strolling a long way. He had not what may

be called a fine ear for music, but he knew when it had a tranquilizing influence on his soul; and that was the

case now, for it sounded to him like a melodious snore. He approached the church, and looking through the

diamond lattice of a window near the porch, saw Tom, with the curtains in the loft drawn back, playing away

The church had an inviting air of coolness. The old oak roof supported by crossbeams, the hoary walls, the

marble tablets, and the cracked stone pavement, were refreshing to look at. There were leaves of ivy tapping

gently at the opposite windows; and the sun poured in through only one; leaving the body of the church in

tempting shade. But the most tempting spot of all, was one red curtained and softcushioned pew, wherein

the official dignitaries of the place (of whom Mr Pecksniff was the head and chief) enshrined themselves on

Sundays. Mr Pecksniff's seat was in the corner; a remarkably comfortable corner; where his very large

PrayerBook was at that minute making the most of its quarto self upon the desk. He determined to go in and

He entered very softly; in part because it was a church; in part because his tread was always soft; in part

because Tom played a solemn tune; in part because he thought he would surprise him when he stopped.

Unbolting the door of the high pew of state, he glided in and shut it after him; then sitting in his usual place,

and stretching out his legs upon the hassocks, he composed himself to listen to the music.

It is an unaccountable circumstance that he should have felt drowsy there, where the force of association

might surely have been enough to keep him wide awake; but he did. He had not been in the snug little corner

five minutes before he began to nod. He had not recovered himself one minute before he began to nod again.

In the very act of opening his eyes indolently, he nodded again. In the very act of shutting them, he nodded

again. So he fell out of one nod into another until at last he ceased to nod at all, and was as fast as the church

He had a consciousness of the organ, long after he fell asleep, though as to its being an organ he had no more

idea of that than he had of its being a bull. After a while he began to have at intervals the same dreamy

impressions of voices; and awakening to an indolent curiosity upon the subject, opened his eyes.

He was so indolent, that after glancing at the hassocks and the pew, he was already halfway off to sleep

again, when it occurred to him that there really were voices in the church; low voices, talking earnestly hard

by; while the echoes seemed to mutter responses. He roused himself, and listened.

Before he had listened half a dozen seconds, he became as broad awake as ever he had been in all his life.

With eyes, and ears, and mouth, wide open, he moved himself a very little with the utmost caution, and

Tom Pinch and Mary. Of course. He had recognized their voices, and already knew the topic they discussed.

Looking like the small end of a guillotined man, with his chin on a level with the top of the pew, so that he

might duck down immediately in case of either of them turning round, he listened. Listened with such

concentrated eagerness, that his very hair and shirtcollar stood bristling up to help him.

'No,' cried Tom. 'No letters have ever reached me, except that one from New York. But don't be uneasy on

that account, for it's very likely they have gone away to some faroff place, where the posts are neither

regular nor frequent. He said in that very letter that it might be so, even in that city to which they thought of

'Oh, but you mustn't let it be,' said Tom. 'There's a true saying that nothing travels so fast as ill news; and if

the slightest harm had happened to Martin, you may be sure you would have heard of it long ago. I have often

wished to say this to you,' Tom continued with an embarrassment that became him very well, 'but you have

'I have sometimes been almost afraid,' said Mary, 'that you might suppose I hesitated to confide in you, Mr

'No,' Tom stammered, 'II am not aware that I ever supposed that. I am sure that if I have, I have checked

the thought directly, as an injustice to you. I feel the delicacy of your situation in having to confide in me at

all,' said Tom, 'but I would risk my life to save you from one day's uneasiness; indeed I would!'

'I have dreaded sometimes,' Tom continued, 'that I might have displeased you byby having the boldness to

try and anticipate your wishes now and then. At other times I have fancied that your kindness prompted you

'It was very foolish; very presumptuous and ridiculous, to think so,' Tom pursued; 'but I feared you might

suppose it possible that IIshould admire you too much for my own peace; and so denied yourself the

slight assistance you would otherwise have accepted from me. If such an idea has ever presented itself to

you,' faltered Tom, 'pray dismiss it. I am easily made happy; and I shall live contented here long after you and

Martin have forgotten me. I am a poor, shy, awkward creature; not at all a man of the world; and you should

If friars bear such hearts as thine, Tom, let friars multiply; though they have no such rule in all their stern

'Dear Mr Pinch!' said Mary, giving him her hand; 'I cannot tell you how your kindness moves me. I have

never wronged you by the lightest doubt, and have never for an instant ceased to feel that you were

allmuch more than allthat Martin found you. Without the silent care and friendship I have experienced

from you, my life here would have been unhappy. But you have been a good angel to me; filling me with

'I am as little like an angel, I am afraid,' replied Tom, shaking his head, 'as any stone cherubim among the

gravestones; and I don't think there are many real angels of THAT pattern. But I should like to know (if you

'With Pecksniff!' rejoined Tom, with cheerful confidence. 'Oh dear, he'd never think of us! He's the best of

men. The more at ease you were, the happier he would be. Oh dear, you needn't be afraid of Pecksniff. He is

Many a man in Mr Pecksniff's place, if he could have dived through the floor of the pew of state and come

out at Calcutta or any inhabited region on the other side of the earth, would have done it instantly. Mr

Pecksniff sat down upon a hassock, and listening more attentively than ever, smiled.

Mary seemed to have expressed some dissent in the meanwhile, for Tom went on to say, with honest energy:

'Well, I don't know how it is, but it always happens, whenever I express myself in this way to anybody

almost, that I find they won't do justice to Pecksniff. It is one of the most extraordinary circumstances that

ever came within my knowledge, but it is so. There's John Westlock, who used to be a pupil here, one of the

best hearted young men in the world, in all other mattersI really believe John would have Pecksniff

flogged at the cart's tail if he could. And John is not a solitary case, for every pupil we have had in my time

has gone away with the same inveterate hatred of him. There was Mark Tapley, too, quite in another station

of life,' said Tom; 'the mockery he used to make of Pecksniff when he was at the Dragon was shocking.

Martin too: Martin was worse than any of 'em. But I forgot. He prepared you to dislike Pecksniff, of course.

So you came with a prejudice, you know, Miss Graham, and are not a fair witness.'

Tom triumphed very much in this discovery, and rubbed his hands with great satisfaction.

'No, no!' cried Tom. 'YOU mistake him. But,' he added, with a rapid change in his tone, 'what is the matter?

Mr Pecksniff brought up to the top of the pew, by slow degrees, his hair, his forehead, his eyebrow, his eye.

She was sitting on a bench beside the door with her hands before her face; and Tom was bending over her.

'What is the matter?' cried Tom. 'Have I said anything to hurt you? Has any one said anything to hurt you?

Don't cry. Pray tell me what it is. I cannot bear to see you so distressed. Mercy on us, I never was so surprised

Mr Pecksniff kept his eye in the same place. He could have moved it now for nothing short of a gimlet or a

'I wouldn't have told you, Mr Pinch,' said Mary, 'if I could have helped it; but your delusion is so absorbing,

and it is so necessary that we should be upon our guard; that you should not be compromised; and to that end

that you should know by whom I am beset; that no alternative is left me. I came here purposely to tell you,

but I think I should have wanted courage if you had not chanced to lead me so directly to the object of my

Tom gazed at her steadfastly, and seemed to say, 'What else?' But he said not a word.

'That person whom you think the best of men,' said Mary, looking up, and speaking with a quivering lip and

'Lord bless me!' muttered Tom, staggering back. 'Wait a moment. That person whom I think the best of men!

You mean Pecksniff, of course. Yes, I see you mean Pecksniff. Good gracious me, don't speak without

'The worst. The falsest, craftiest, meanest, cruellest, most sordid, most shameless,' said the trembling

'What is he,' said Mary, 'who receiving me in his house as his guest; his unwilling guest; knowing my history,

and how defenceless and alone I am, presumes before his daughters to affront me so, that if I had a brother

'What is he,' said Mary, 'who, when my only frienda dear and kind one, toowas in full health of mind,

humbled himself before him, but was spurned away (for he knew him then) like a dog. Who, in his forgiving

spirit, now that that friend is sunk into a failing state, can crawl about him again, and use the influence he

basely gains for every base and wicked purpose, and not for onenot onethat's true or good?'

'But what is heoh, Mr Pinch, what IS hewho, thinking he could compass these designs the better if I

were his wife, assails me with the coward's argument that if I marry him, Martin, on whom I have brought so

much misfortune, shall be restored to something of his former hopes; and if I do not, shall be plunged in

deeper ruin? What is he who makes my very constancy to one I love with all my heart a torture to myself and

wrong to him; who makes me, do what I will, the instrument to hurt a head I would heap blessings on! What

is he who, winding all these cruel snares about me, explains their purpose to me, with a smooth tongue and a

smiling face, in the broad light of day; dragging me on, the while, in his embrace, and holding to his lips a

hand,' pursued the agitated girl, extending it, 'which I would have struck off, if with it I could lose the shame

'I say,' cried Tom, in great excitement, 'he is a scoundrel and a villain! I don't care who he is, I say he is a

Covering her face with her hands again, as if the passion which had sustained her through these disclosures

lost itself in an overwhelming sense of shame and grief, she abandoned herself to tears.

Any sight of distress was sure to move the tenderness of Tom, but this especially. Tears and sobs from her

were arrows in his heart. He tried to comfort her; sat down beside her; expended all his store of homely

eloquence; and spoke in words of praise and hope of Martin. Aye, though he loved her from his soul with

such a self denying love as woman seldom wins; he spoke from first to last of Martin. Not the wealth of the

When she was more composed, she impressed upon Tom that this man she had described, was Pecksniff in

his real colours; and word by word and phrase by phrase, as well as she remembered it, related what had

passed between them in the wood: which was no doubt a source of high gratification to that gentleman

himself, who in his desire to see and his dread of being seen, was constantly diving down into the state pew,

and coming up again like the intelligent householder in Punch's Show, who avoids being knocked on the head

with a cudgel. When she had concluded her account, and had besought Tom to be very distant and

unconscious in his manner towards her after this explanation, and had thanked him very much, they parted on

the alarm of footsteps in the burialground; and Tom was left alone in the church again.

And now the full agitation and misery of the disclosure came rushing upon Tom indeed. The star of his whole

life from boyhood had become, in a moment, putrid vapour. It was not that Pecksniff, Tom's Pecksniff, had

ceased to exist, but that he never had existed. In his death Tom would have had the comfort of remembering

what he used to be, but in this discovery, he had the anguish of recollecting what he never was. For, as Tom's

blindness in this matter had been total and not partial, so was his restored sight. HIS Pecksniff could never

have worked the wickedness of which he had just now heard, but any other Pecksniff could; and the Pecksniff

who could do that could do anything, and no doubt had been doing anything and everything except the right

thing, all through his career. From the lofty height on which poor Tom had placed his idol it was tumbled

Not all the king's horses, nor all the king's men, Could have set Mr Pecksniff up again.

Legions of Titans couldn't have got him out of the mud; and serve him right! But it was not he who suffered;

it was Tom. His compass was broken, his chart destroyed, his chronometer had stopped, his masts were gone

Mr Pecksniff watched him with a lively interest, for he divined the purpose of Tom's ruminations, and was

curious to see how he conducted himself. For some time, Tom wandered up and down the aisle like a man

demented, stopping occasionally to lean against a pew and think it over; then he stood staring at a blank old

monument bordered tastefully with skulls and crossbones, as if it were the finest work of Art he had ever

seen, although at other times he held it in unspeakable contempt; then he sat down; then walked to and fro

again; then went wandering up into the organloft, and touched the keys. But their minstrelsy was changed,

their music gone; and sounding one long melancholy chord, Tom drooped his head upon his hands and gave

'I wouldn't have cared,' said Tom Pinch, rising from his stool and looking down into the church as if he had

been the Clergyman, 'I wouldn't have cared for anything he might have done to Me, for I have tried his

patience often, and have lived upon his sufferance and have never been the help to him that others could have

been. I wouldn't have minded, Pecksniff,' Tom continued, little thinking who heard him, 'if you had done Me

any wrong; I could have found plenty of excuses for that; and though you might have hurt me, could have

still gone on respecting you. But why did you ever fall so low as this in my esteem! Oh Pecksniff, Pecksniff,

there is nothing I would not have given, to have had you deserve my old opinion of you; nothing!'

Mr Pecksniff sat upon the hassock pulling up his shirtcollar, while Tom, touched to the quick, delivered this

apostrophe. After a pause he heard Tom coming down the stairs, jingling the church keys; and bringing his

Mr Pecksniff durst not issue from his place of concealment; for through the windows of the church he saw

Tom passing on among the graves, and sometimes stopping at a stone, and leaning there as if he were a

mourner who had lost a friend. Even when he had left the churchyard, Mr Pecksniff still remained shut up;

not being at all secure but that in his restless state of mind Tom might come wandering back. At length he

issued forth, and walked with a pleasant countenance into the vestry; where he knew there was a window near

He was in a curious frame of mind, Mr Pecksniff; being in no hurry to go, but rather inclining to a dilatory

trifling with the time, which prompted him to open the vestry cupboard, and look at himself in the parson's

little glass that hung within the door. Seeing that his hair was rumpled, he took the liberty of borrowing the

canonical brush and arranging it. He also took the liberty of opening another cupboard; but he shut it up again

quickly, being rather startled by the sight of a black and a white surplice dangling against the wall; which had

very much the appearance of two curates who had committed suicide by hanging themselves. Remembering

that he had seen in the first cupboard a portwine bottle and some biscuits, he peeped into it again, and

helped himself with much deliberation; cogitating all the time though, in a very deep and weighty manner, as

He soon made up his mind, if it had ever been in doubt; and putting back the bottle and biscuits, opened the

casement. He got out into the churchyard without any difficulty; shut the window after him; and walked

'Just come in, eh?' repeated Mr Pecksniff, cheerfully. 'And gone upstairs, I suppose?'

'No,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'no. You needn't call him, Jane. Thank you, Jane. How are your relations, Jane?'

'I am glad to hear it. Let them know I asked about them, Jane. Is Mr Chuzzlewit in the way, Jane?'

'He's in the parlour, reading, is he, Jane?' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Very well. Then I think I'll go and see him,

But when he walked into the parlour where the old man was engaged as Jane had said; with pen and ink and

paper on a table close at hand (for Mr Pecksniff was always very particular to have him well supplied with

writing materials), he became less cheerful. He was not angry, he was not vindictive, he was not cross, he

was not moody, but he was grieved; he was sorely grieved. As he sat down by the old man's side, two

tearsnot tears like those with which recording angels blot their entries out, but drops so precious that they

'I am sorry to interrupt you, my dear sir, and I am still more sorry for the cause. My good, my worthy friend, I

'Ah!' cried Mr Pecksniff, in an agony, 'deceived in the tenderest point. Cruelly deceived in that quarter, sir, in

which I placed the most unbounded confidence. Deceived, Mr Chuzzlewit, by Thomas Pinch.'

'Oh! bad, bad, bad!' said Martin, laying down his book. 'Very bad! I hope not. Are you certain?'

'Certain, my good sir! My eyes and ears are witnesses. I wouldn't have believed it otherwise. I wouldn't have

believed it, Mr Chuzzlewit, if a Fiery Serpent had proclaimed it from the top of Salisbury Cathedral. I would

have said,' cried Mr Pecksniff, 'that the Serpent lied. Such was my faith in Thomas Pinch, that I would have

cast the falsehood back into the Serpent's teeth, and would have taken Thomas to my heart. But I am not a

Martin was greatly disturbed to see him so much agitated, and to hear such unexpected news. He begged him

to compose himself, and asked upon what subject Mr Pinch's treachery had been developed.

'That is almost the worst of all, sir,' Mr Pecksniff answered. 'on a subject nearly concerning YOU. Oh! is it

not enough,' said Mr Pecksniff, looking upward, 'that these blows must fall on me, but must they also hit my

'You alarm me,' cried the old man, changing colour. 'I am not so strong as I was. You terrify me, Pecksniff!'

'Cheer up, my noble sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, taking courage, 'and we will do what is required of us. You shall

know all, sir, and shall be righted. But first excuse me, sir, excuse me. I have a duty to discharge, which I owe

Tom came. Constrained and altered in his manner, downcast and dejected, visibly confused; not liking to

The honest man bestowed a glance on Mr Chuzzlewit, as who should say 'You see!' and addressed himself to

'Mr Pinch, I have left the vestrywindow unfastened. Will you do me the favour to go and secure it; then

'You understand me, Mr Pinch, I think,' returned his patron. 'Yes, Mr Pinch, the vestrywindow. I grieve to

say that sleeping in the church after a fatiguing ramble, I overheard just now some fragments,' he emphasised

that word, 'of a dialogue between two parties; and one of them locking the church when he went out, I was

obliged to leave it myself by the vestrywindow. Do me the favour to secure that vestrywindow, Mr Pinch,

No physiognomist that ever dwelt on earth could have construed Tom's face when he heard these words.

Wonder was in it, and a mild look of reproach, but certainly no fear or guilt, although a host of strong

emotions struggled to display themselves. He bowed, and without saying one word, good or bad, withdrew.

'Pecksniff,' cried Martin, in a tremble, 'what does all this mean? You are not going to do anything in haste,

'No, my good sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, firmly, 'No. But I have a duty to discharge which I owe to society; and it

Oh, lateremembered, muchforgotten, mouthing, braggart duty, always owed, and seldom paid in any other

coin than punishment and wrath, when will mankind begin to know thee! When will men acknowledge thee

in thy neglected cradle, and thy stunted youth, and not begin their recognition in thy sinful manhood and thy

desolate old age! Oh, ermined Judge whose duty to society is, now, to doom the ragged criminal to

punishment and death, hadst thou never, Man, a duty to discharge in barring up the hundred open gates that

wooed him to the felon's dock, and throwing but ajar the portals to a decent life! Oh, prelate, prelate, whose

duty to society it is to mourn in melancholy phrase the sad degeneracy of these bad times in which thy lot of

honours has been cast, did nothing go before thy elevation to the lofty seat, from which thou dealest out thy

homilies to other tarriers for dead men's shoes, whose duty to society has not begun! Oh! magistrate, so rare a

country gentleman and brave a squire, had you no duty to society, before the ricks were blazing and the mob

were mad; or did it spring up, armed and booted from the earth, a corps of yeomanry fullgrown!

Mr Pecksniff's duty to society could not be paid till Tom came back. The interval which preceded the return

of that young man, he occupied in a close conference with his friend; so that when Tom did arrive, he found

the two quite ready to receive him. Mary was in her own room above, whither Mr Pecksniff, always

considerate, had besought old Martin to entreat her to remain some halfhour longer, that her feelings might

When Tom came back, he found old Martin sitting by the window, and Mr Pecksniff in an imposing attitude

at the table. On one side of him was his pockethandkerchief; and on the other a little heap (a very little heap)

of gold and silver, and odd pence. Tom saw, at a glance, that it was his own salary for the current quarter.

Tom placed them on the table. He held the bunch by the key of the organloft (though it was one of the

smallest), and looked hard at it as he laid it down. It had been an old, old friend of Tom's; a kind companion

'Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff, shaking his head; 'oh, Mr Pinch! I wonder you can look me in the face!'

Tom did it though; and notwithstanding that he has been described as stooping generally, he stood as upright

'Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff, taking up his handkerchief, as if he felt that he should want it soon, 'I will not

dwell upon the past. I will spare you, and I will spare myself, that pain at least.'

Tom's was not a very bright eye, but it was a very expressive one when he looked at Mr Pecksniff, and said:

'The present is enough,' said Mr Pecksniff, dropping a penny, 'and the sooner THAT is past, the better. Mr

Pinch, I will not dismiss you without a word of explanation. Even such a course would be quite justifiable

under the circumstances; but it might wear an appearance of hurry, and I will not do it; for I am,' said Mr

Pecksniff, knocking down another penny, 'perfectly selfpossessed. Therefore I will say to you, what I have

Tom glanced at the old gentleman, who nodded now and then as approving of Mr Pecksniff's sentences and

'From fragments of a conversation which I overheard in the church, just now, Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff,

'between yourself and Miss GrahamI say fragments, because I was slumbering at a considerable distance

from you, when I was roused by your voicesand from what I saw, I ascertained (I would have given a great

deal not to have ascertained, Mr Pinch) that you, forgetful of all ties of duty and of honour, sir; regardless of

the sacred laws of hospitality, to which you were pledged as an inmate of this house; have presumed to

address Miss Graham with unreturned professions of attachment and proposals of love.'

'Do you deny it, sir?' asked Mr Pecksniff, dropping one pound two and fourpence, and making a great

'You do not,' said Mr Pecksniff, glancing at the old gentleman. 'Oblige me by counting this money, Mr Pinch,

No, Tom did not. He scorned to deny it. He saw that Mr Pecksniff having overheard his own disgrace, cared

not a jot for sinking lower yet in his contempt. He saw that he had devised this fiction as the readiest means

of getting rid of him at once, but that it must end in that any way. He saw that Mr Pecksniff reckoned on his

not denying it, because his doing so and explaining would incense the old man more than ever against Martin

and against Mary; while Pecksniff himself would only have been mistaken in his 'fragments.' Deny it! No.

'A person is waiting in the kitchen,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'to carry your luggage wherever you please. We part,

Something without a name; compassion, sorrow, old tenderness, mistaken gratitude, habit; none of these, and

yet all of them; smote upon Tom's gentle heart at parting. There was no such soul as Pecksniff's in that

carcase; and yet, though his speaking out had not involved the compromise of one he loved, he couldn't have

'I will not say,' cried Mr Pecksniff, shedding tears, 'what a blow this is. I will not say how much it tries me;

how it works upon my nature; how it grates upon my feelings. I do not care for that. I can endure as well as

another man. But what I have to hope, and what you have to hope, Mr Pinch (otherwise a great responsibility

rests upon you), is, that this deception may not alter my ideas of humanity; that it may not impair my

freshness, or contract, if I may use the expression, my Pinions. I hope it will not; I don't think it will. It may

be a comfort to you, if not now, at some future time, to know that I shall endeavour not to think the worse of

Tom had meant to spare him one little puncturation with a lancet, which he had it in his power to administer,

'Oh!' cried Pecksniff, with some degree of confusion. 'I am obliged to you. Put it down, if you please.'

'I found it,' said Tom, slowly'when I went to bolt the vestry windowin the pew.'

So he had. Mr Pecksniff had taken it off when he was bobbing up and down, lest it should strike against the

panelling; and had forgotten it. Going back to the church with his mind full of having been watched, and

wondering very much from what part, Tom's attention was caught by the door of the state pew standing open.

Looking into it he found the glass. And thus he knew, and by returning it gave Mr Pecksniff the information

that he knew, where the listener had been; and that instead of overhearing fragments of the conversation, he

'I am glad he's gone,' said Martin, drawing a long breath when Tom had left the room.

'It IS a relief,' assented Mr Pecksniff. 'It is a great relief. But having dischargedI hope with tolerable

firmnessthe duty which I owed to society, I will now, my dear sir, if you will give me leave, retire to shed

Tom went upstairs; cleared his shelf of books; packed them up with his music and an old fiddle in his trunk;

got out his clothes (they were not so many that they made his head ache); put them on the top of his books;

and went into the workroom for his case of instruments. There was a ragged stool there, with the horsehair all

sticking out of the top like a wig: a very Beast of a stool in itself; on which he had taken up his daily seat,

year after year, during the whole period of his service. They had grown older and shabbier in company.

Pupils had served their time; seasons had come and gone. Tom and the wornout stool had held together

through it all. That part of the room was traditionally called 'Tom's Corner.' It had been assigned to him at

first because of its being situated in a strong draught, and a great way from the fire; and he had occupied it

ever since. There were portraits of him on the walls, with all his weak points monstrously portrayed.

Diabolical sentiments, foreign to his character, were represented as issuing from his mouth in fat balloons.

Every pupil had added something, even unto fancy portraits of his father with one eye, and of his mother with

a disproportionate nose, and especially of his sister; who always being presented as extremely beautiful, made

full amends to Tom for any other jokes. Under less uncommon circumstances, it would have cut Tom to the

heart to leave these things and think that he saw them for the last time; but it didn't now. There was no

Pecksniff; there never had been a Pecksniff; and all his other griefs were swallowed up in that.

So, when he returned into the bedroom, and, having fastened his box and a carpetbag, put on his walking

gaiters, and his greatcoat, and his hat, and taken his stick in his hand, looked round it for the last time. Early

on summer mornings, and by the light of private candleends on winter nights, he had read himself half blind

in this same room. He had tried in this same room to learn the fiddle under the bedclothes, but yielding to

objections from the other pupils, had reluctantly abandoned the design. At any other time he would have

parted from it with a pang, thinking of all he had learned there, of the many hours he had passed there; for the

love of his very dreams. But there was no Pecksniff; there never had been a Pecksniff, and the unreality of

Pecksniff extended itself to the chamber, in which, sitting on one particular bed, the thing supposed to be that

Great Abstraction had often preached morality with such effect that Tom had felt a moisture in his eyes,

The man engaged to bear his boxTom knew him well: a Dragon man came stamping up the stairs, and

made a roughish bow to Tom (to whom in common times he would have nodded with a grin) as though he

were aware of what had happened, and wished him to perceive it made no difference to HIM. It was clumsily

done; he was a mere waterer of horses; but Tom liked the man for it, and felt it more than going away.

Tom would have helped him with the box, but he made no more of it, though it was a heavy one, than an

elephant would have made of a castle; just swinging it on his back and bowling downstairs as if, being

naturally a heavy sort of fellow, he could carry a box infinitely better than he could go alone. Tom took the

carpetbag, and went downstairs along with him. At the outer door stood Jane, crying with all her might; and

on the steps was Mrs Lupin, sobbing bitterly, and putting out her hand for Tom to shake.

'No,' said Tom, 'no. I shall walk to Salisbury tonight. I couldn't stay here. For goodness' sake, don't make me

'But you'll come to the Dragon, Mr Pinch. If it's only for tonight. To see me, you know; not as a traveller.'

'God bless my soul!' said Tom, wiping his eyes. 'The kindness of people is enough to break one's heart! I

mean to go to Salisbury tonight, my dear good creature. If you'll take care of my box for me till I write for

'I wish,' cried Mrs Lupin, 'there were twenty boxes, Mr Pinch, that I might have 'em all.'

There were several people, young and old, standing about the door, some of whom cried with Mrs Lupin;

while others tried to keep up a stout heart, as Tom did; and others were absorbed in admiration of Mr

Pecksniffa man who could build a church, as one may say, by squinting at a sheet of paper; and others

were divided between that feeling and sympathy with Tom. Mr Pecksniff had appeared on the top of the

steps, simultaneously with his old pupil, and while Tom was talking with Mrs Lupin kept his hand stretched

out, as though he said 'Go forth!' When Tom went forth, and had turned the corner Mr Pecksniff shook his

head, shut his eyes, and heaving a deep sigh, shut the door. On which, the best of Tom's supporters said he

must have done some dreadful deed, or such a man as Mr Pecksniff never could have felt like that. If it had

been a common quarrel (they observed), he would have said something, but when he didn't, Mr Pinch must

Tom was out of hearing of their shrewd opinions, and plodded on as steadily as he could go, until he came

within sight of the turnpike where the tollman's family had cried out 'Mr Pinch!' that frosty morning, when he

went to meet young Martin. He had got through the village, and this tollbar was his last trial; but when the

infant tolltakers came screeching out, he had half a mind to run for it, and make a bolt across the country.

'Why, deary Mr Pinch! oh, deary sir!' cried the tollman's wife. 'What an unlikely time for you to be agoing

'Why, goodness, where's the gig, then?' cried the tollman's wife, looking down the road, as if she thought

'I haven't got it,' said Tom. 'I' he couldn't evade it; he felt she would have him in the next question, if he got

The tollmana crusty customer, always smoking solitary pipes in a Windsor chair, inside, set artfully

between two little windows that looked up and down the road, so that when he saw anything coming up he

might hug himself on having toll to take, and when he saw it going down, might hug himself on having taken

The tollman looked at his wife, uncertain whether to ask her if she had anything to suggest, or to order her to

mind the children. Astonishment making him surly, he preferred the latter, and sent her into the tollhouse

'You left Mr Pecksniff!' cried the tollman, folding his arms, and spreading his legs. 'I should as soon have

If a heavy drove of oxen hadn't come by immediately, the tollman would have gone down to the village

straight, to inquire into it. As things turned out, he smoked another pipe, and took his wife into his

confidence. But their united sagacity could make nothing of it, and they went to bedmetaphoricallyin

the dark. But several times that night, when a waggon or other vehicle came through, and the driver asked the

tollkeeper 'What news?' he looked at the man by the light of his lantern, to assure himself that he had an

After every one of these disclosures, the tollman plunged into his house again, and was seen no more, while

But this was long after Tom was abed, and Tom was now with his face towards Salisbury, doing his best to

get there. The evening was beautiful at first, but it became cloudy and dull at sunset, and the rain fell heavily

soon afterwards. For ten long miles he plodded on, wet through, until at last the lights appeared, and he came

He went to the inn where he had waited for Martin, and briefly answering their inquiries after Mr Pecksniff,

ordered a bed. He had no heart for tea or supper, meat or drink of any kind, but sat by himself before an

empty table in the public room while the bed was getting ready, revolving in his mind all that had happened

that eventful day, and wondering what he could or should do for the future. It was a great relief when the

It was a low fourposter, shelving downward in the centre like a trough, and the room was crowded with

impracticable tables and exploded chests of drawers, full of damp linen. A graphic representation in oil of a

remarkably fat ox hung over the fireplace, and the portrait of some former landlord (who might have been the

ox's brother, he was so like him) stared roundly in, at the foot of the bed. A variety of queer smells were

partially quenched in the prevailing scent of very old lavender; and the window had not been opened for such

a long space of time that it pleaded immemorial usage, and wouldn't come open now.

These were trifles in themselves, but they added to the strangeness of the place, and did not induce Tom to

forget his new position. Pecksniff had gone out of the worldhad never been in itand it was as much as

Tom could do to say his prayers without him. But he felt happier afterwards, and went to sleep, and dreamed

Early on the day next after that on which she bade adieu to the halls of her youth and the scenes of her

childhood, Miss Pecksniff, arriving safely at the coachoffice in London, was there received, and conducted

to her peaceful home beneath the shadow of the Monument, by Mrs Todgers. M. Todgers looked a little worn

by cares of gravy and other such solicitudes arising out of her establishment, but displayed her usual

Miss Pecksniff signified (in confidence) that he contemplated the introduction of a princely ma; and repeated

the sentiment that she wasn't blind, and wasn't quite a fool, and wouldn't bear it.

Mrs Todgers was more shocked by the intelligence than any one could have expected. She was quite bitter.

She said there was no truth in man and that the warmer he expressed himself, as a general principle, the falser

and more treacherous he was. She foresaw with astonishing clearness that the object of Mr Pecksniff's

attachment was designing, worthless, and wicked; and receiving from Charity the fullest confirmation of

these views, protested with tears in her eyes that she loved Miss Pecksniff like a sister, and felt her injuries as

'Your real darling sister, I have not seen her more than once since her marriage,' said Mrs Todgers, 'and then I

thought her looking poorly. My sweet Miss Pecksniff, I always thought that you was to be the lady?'

'Oh dear no!' cried Cherry, shaking her head. 'Oh no, Mrs Todgers. Thank you. No! not for any consideration

'I dare say you are right,' said Mrs Todgers with a sigh. 'I feared it all along. But the misery we have had from

that match, here among ourselves, in this house, my dear Miss Pecksniff, nobody would believe.'

'Awful, awful!' repeated Mrs Todgers, with strong emphasis. 'You recollect our youngest gentleman, my

'You might have observed,' said Mrs Todgers, 'how he used to watch your sister; and that a kind of stony

'I am sure I never saw anything of the sort,' said Cherry, in a peevish manner. 'What nonsense, Mrs Todgers!'

'My dear,' returned that lady in a hollow voice, 'I have seen him again and again, sitting over his pie at dinner,

with his spoon a perfect fixture in his mouth, looking at your sister. I have seen him standing in a corner of

our drawingroom, gazing at her, in such a lonely, melancholy state, that he was more like a Pump than a

'But when the marriage took place,' said Mrs Todgers, proceeding with her subject, 'when it was in the paper,

and was read out here at breakfast, I thought he had taken leave of his senses, I did indeed. The violence of

that young man, my dear Miss Pecksniff; the frightful opinions he expressed upon the subject of self

destruction; the extraordinary actions he performed with his tea; the clenching way in which he bit his bread

and butter; the manner in which he taunted Mr Jinkins; all combined to form a picture never to be forgotten.'

'Himself!' said Mrs Todgers, 'it took another turn at night. He was for destroying other people then. There was

a little chaffing going onI hope you don't consider that a low expression, Miss Pecksniff; it is always in our

gentlemen's mouthsa little chaffing going on, my dear, among 'em, all in good nature, when suddenly he

rose up, foaming with his fury, and but for being held by three would have had Mr Jinkins's life with a

'And now,' said Mrs Todgers, 'now he is the meekest of men. You can almost bring the tears into his eyes by

looking at him. He sits with me the whole day long on Sundays, talking in such a dismal way that I find it

next to impossible to keep my spirits up equal to the accommodation of the boarders. His only comfort is in

female society. He takes me halfprice to the play, to an extent which I sometimes fear is beyond his means;

and I see the tears astanding in his eyes during the whole performanceparticularly if it is anything of a

comic nature. The turn I experienced only yesterday,' said Mrs Todgers putting her hand to her side, 'when

the housemaid threw his bedside carpet out of the window of his room, while I was sitting here, no one can

The contempt with which Miss Charity received this pathetic account of the state to which the youngest

gentleman in company was reduced, did not say much for her power of sympathising with that unfortunate

character. She treated it with great levity, and went on to inform herself, then and afterwards, whether any

Mr Bailey was gone, and had been succeeded (such is the decay of human greatness!) by an old woman

whose name was reported to be Tamaroowhich seemed an impossibility. Indeed it appeared in the fullness

of time that the jocular boarders had appropriated the word from an English ballad, in which it is supposed to

express the bold and fiery nature of a certain hackney coachman; and that it was bestowed upon Mr Bailey's

successor by reason of her having nothing fiery about her, except an occasional attack of that fire which is

called St. Anthony's. This ancient female had been engaged, in fulfillment of a vow, registered by Mrs

Todgers, that no more boys should darken the commercial doors; and she was chiefly remarkable for a total

absence of all comprehension upon every subject whatever. She was a perfect Tomb for messages and small

parcels; and when dispatched to the Post Office with letters, had been frequently seen endeavouring to

insinuate them into casual chinks in private doors, under the delusion that any door with a hole in it would

answer the purpose. She was a very little old woman, and always wore a very coarse apron with a bib before

and a loop behind, together with bandages on her wrists, which appeared to be afflicted with an everlasting

sprain. She was on all occasions chary of opening the street door, and ardent to shut it again; and she waited

This was the only great change over and above the change which had fallen on the youngest gentleman. As

for him, he more than corroborated the account of Mrs Todgers; possessing greater sensibility than even she

had given him credit for. He entertained some terrible notions of Destiny, among other matters, and talked

much about people's 'Missions'; upon which he seemed to have some private information not generally

attainable, as he knew it had been poor Merry's mission to crush him in the bud. He was very frail and tearful;

for being aware that a shepherd's mission was to pipe to his flocks, and that a boatswain's mission was to pipe

all hands, and that one man's mission was to be a paid piper, and another man's mission was to pay the piper,

so he had got it into his head that his own peculiar mission was to pipe his eye. Which he did perpetually.

He often informed Mrs Todgers that the sun had set upon him; that the billows had rolled over him; that the

car of Juggernaut had crushed him, and also that the deadly Upas tree of Java had blighted him. His name

Towards this most unhappy Moddle, Miss Pecksniff conducted herself at first with distant haughtiness, being

in no humour to be entertained with dirges in honour of her married sister. The poor young gentleman was

'Then why don't you try and be a little bit more cheerful, sir?' retorted Mrs Todgers.

'Cheerful, Mrs Todgers! cheerful!' cried the youngest gentleman; 'when she reminds me of days for ever fled,

'Then you had better avoid her for a short time, if she does,' said Mrs Todgers, 'and come to know her again,

'But I can't avoid her,' replied Moddle, 'I haven't strength of mind to do it. Oh, Mrs Todgers, if you knew what

'Her profile, in general,' said the youngest gentleman, 'but particularly her nose. It's so like;' here he yielded to

The observant matron did not fail to report this conversation to Charity, who laughed at the time, but treated

Mr Moddle that very evening with increased consideration, and presented her side face to him as much as

possible. Mr Moddle was not less sentimental than usual; was rather more so, if anything; but he sat and

'Well, sir!' said the lady of the BoardingHouse next day. 'You held up your head last night. You're coming

'Only because she's so like her who is Another's, Mrs Todgers,' rejoined the youth. 'When she talks, and when

This was likewise carried to Charity, who talked and smiled next evening in her most engaging manner, and

rallying Mr Moddle on the lowness of his spirits, challenged him to play a rubber at cribbage. Mr Moddle

taking up the gauntlet, they played several rubbers for sixpences, and Charity won them all. This may have

been partially attributable to the gallantry of the youngest gentleman, but it was certainly referable to the state

of his feelings also; for his eyes being frequently dimmed by tears, he thought that aces were tens, and knaves

On the seventh night of cribbage, when Mrs Todgers, sitting by, proposed that instead of gambling they

should play for 'love,' Mr Moddle was seen to change colour. On the fourteenth night, he kissed Miss

Pecksniff's snuffers, in the passage, when she went upstairs to bed; meaning to have kissed her hand, but

In short, Mr Moddle began to be impressed with the idea that Miss Pecksniff's mission was to comfort him;

and Miss Pecksniff began to speculate on the probability of its being her mission to become ultimately Mrs

Moddle. He was a young gentleman (Miss Pecksniff was not a very young lady) with rising prospects, and

Besidesbesideshe had been regarded as devoted to Merry. Merry had joked about him, and had once

spoken of it to her sister as a conquest. He was better looking, better shaped, better spoken, better tempered,

better mannered than Jonas. He was easy to manage, could be made to consult the humours of his Betrothed,

In the meantime the cribbage went on, and Mrs Todgers went off; for the youngest gentleman, dropping her

society, began to take Miss Pecksniff to the play. He also began, as Mrs Todgers said, to slip home 'in his

dinnertimes,' and to get away from 'the office' at unholy seasons; and twice, as he informed Mrs Todgers

himself, he received anonymous letters, enclosing cards from Furniture Warehousesclearly the act of that

ungentlemanly ruffian Jinkins; only he hadn't evidence enough to call him out upon. All of which, so Mrs

'My dear Miss Pecksniff, you may depend upon it,' said Mrs Todgers, 'that he is burning to propose.'

'Men are so much more timid than we think 'em, my dear,' returned Mrs Todgers. 'They baulk themselves

continually. I saw the words on Todgers's lips for months and months and months, before he said 'em.'

'Oh yes, he was. Oh bless you, yes, my dear. I was very particular in those days, I assure you,' said Mrs

Todgers, bridling. 'No, no. You give Mr Moddle a little encouragement, Miss Pecksniff, if you wish him to

'I am sure I don't know what encouragement he would have, Mrs Todgers,' returned Charity. 'He walks with

'And he has his arm upon the back of the chair or sofa, or whatever it isbehind me, you know.'

Mrs Todgers admitted that he might do better than that; and might undoubtedly profit by the recollection of

the great Lord Nelson's signal at the battle of Trafalgar. Still, she said, he would come round, or, not to mince

the matter, would be brought round, if Miss Pecksniff took up a decided position, and plainly showed him

Determining to regulate her conduct by this opinion, the young lady received Mr Moddle, on the earliest

subsequent occasion, with an air of constraint; and gradually leading him to inquire, in a dejected manner,

why she was so changed, confessed to him that she felt it necessary for their mutual peace and happiness to

take a decided step. They had been much together lately, she observed, much together, and had tasted the

sweets of a genuine reciprocity of sentiment. She never could forget him, nor could she ever cease to think of

him with feelings of the liveliest friendship, but people had begun to talk, the thing had been observed, and it

was necessary that they should be nothing more to each other, than any gentleman and lady in society usually

are. She was glad she had had the resolution to say thus much before her feelings had been tried too far; they

had been greatly tried, she would admit; but though she was weak and silly, she would soon get the better of

Moddle, who had by this time become in the last degree maudlin, and wept abundantly, inferred from the

foregoing avowal, that it was his mission to communicate to others the blight which had fallen on himself;

and that, being a kind of unintentional Vampire, he had had Miss Pecksniff assigned to him by the Fates, as

Victim Number One. Miss Pecksniff controverting this opinion as sinful, Moddle was goaded on to ask

whether she could be contented with a blighted heart; and it appearing on further examination that she could

He bore his good fortune with the utmost moderation. Instead of being triumphant, he shed more tears than he

'Oh! what a day this has been! I can't go back to the office this afternoon. Oh, what a trying day this has been!

From Mr Moddle to Eden is an easy and natural transition. Mr Moddle, living in the atmosphere of Miss

Pecksniff's love, dwelt (if he had but known it) in a terrestrial Paradise. The thriving city of Eden was also a

terrestrial Paradise, upon the showing of its proprietors. The beautiful Miss Pecksniff might have been

poetically described as a something too good for man in his fallen and degraded state. That was exactly the

character of the thriving city of Eden, as poetically heightened by Zephaniah Scadder, General Choke, and

other worthies; part and parcel of the talons of that great American Eagle, which is always airing itself

skyhigh in purest aether, and never, no never, never, tumbles down with draggled wings into the mud.

When Mark Tapley, leaving Martin in the architectural and surveying offices, had effectually strengthened

and encouraged his own spirits by the contemplation of their joint misfortunes, he proceeded, with new

cheerfulness, in search of help; congratulating himself, as he went along, on the enviable position to which he

'I used to think, sometimes,' said Mr Tapley, 'as a desolate island would suit me, but I should only have had

myself to provide for there, and being naturally a easy man to manage, there wouldn't have been much credit

in THAT. Now here I've got my partner to take care on, and he's something like the sort of man for the

purpose. I want a man as is always asliding off his legs when he ought to be on 'em. I want a man as is so

low down in the school of life that he's always amaking figures of one in his copybook, and can't get no

further. I want a man as is his own great coat and cloak, and is always awrapping himself up in himself. And

I have got him too,' said Mr Tapley, after a moment's silence. 'What a happiness!'

'I don't know which to take,' he observed; 'that's the truth. They're equally prepossessing outside, and equally

commodious, no doubt, within; being fitted up with every convenience that a Alligator, in a state of natur',

could possibly require. Let me see! The citizen as turned out last night, lives under water, in the right hand

dogkennel at the corner. I don't want to trouble him if I can help it, poor man, for he is a melancholy object;

a reg'lar Settler in every respect. There's house with a winder, but I am afraid of their being proud. I don't

He went up to the nearest cabin, and knocked with his hand. Being desired to enter, he complied.

'Neighbour,' said Mark; 'for I AM a neighbour, though you don't know me; I've come abegging. Hallo!

He made this exclamation on hearing his own name pronounced, and finding himself clasped about the skirts

by two little boys, whose faces he had often washed, and whose suppers he had often cooked, on board of that

'My eyes is wrong!' said Mark. 'I don't believe 'em. That ain't my fellowpassenger younder, anursing her

little girl, who, I am sorry to see, is so delicate; and that ain't her husband as come to New York to fetch her.

Nor these,' he added, looking down upon the boys, 'ain't them two young shavers as was so familiar to me;

The woman shed tears, in very joy to see him; the man shook both his hands and would not let them go; the

two boys hugged his legs; the sick child in the mother's arms stretched out her burning little fingers, and

It was the same family, sure enough. Altered by the salubrious air of Eden. But the same.

'This is a new sort of a morning call,' said Mark, drawing a long breath. 'It strikes one all of a heap. Wait a

little bit! I'm a coming round fast. That'll do! These gentlemen ain't my friends. Are they on the visiting list

The inquiry referred to certain gaunt pigs, who had walked in after him, and were much interested in the heels

of the family. As they did not belong to the mansion, they were expelled by the two little boys.

'I ain't superstitious about toads,' said Mark, looking round the room, 'but if you could prevail upon the two or

three I see in company, to step out at the same time, my young friends, I think they'd find the open air

refreshing. Not that I at all object to 'em. A very handsome animal is a toad,' said Mr Tapley, sitting down

upon a stool; 'very spotted; very like a partickler style of old gentleman about the throat; very brighteyed,

very cool, and very slippy. But one sees 'em to the best advantage out of doors perhaps.'

While pretending, with such talk as this, to be perfectly at his ease, and to be the most indifferent and careless

of men, Mark Tapley had an eye on all around him. The wan and meagre aspect of the family, the changed

looks of the poor mother, the fevered child she held in her lap, the air of great despondency and little hope on

everything, were plain to him, and made a deep impression on his mind. He saw it all as clearly and as

quickly, as with his bodily eyes he saw the rough shelves supported by pegs driven between the logs, of

which the house was made; the flourcask in the corner, serving also for a table; the blankets, spades, and

other articles against the walls; the damp that blotched the ground; or the crop of vegetable rottenness in

'How is it that you have come here?' asked the man, when their first expressions of surprise were over.

'Why, we come by the steamer last night,' replied Mark. 'Our intention is to make our fortuns with punctuality

and dispatch; and to retire upon our property as soon as ever it's realised. But how are you all? You're looking

'We are but sickly now,' said the poor woman, bending over her child. 'But we shall do better when we are

But he said cheerfully, 'Do better! To be sure you will. We shall all do better. What we've got to do is, to keep

up our spirits, and be neighbourly. We shall come all right in the end, never fear. That reminds me, by the

bye, that my partner's all wrong just at present; and that I looked in to beg for him. I wish you'd come and

That must have been a very unreasonable request on the part of Mark Tapley, with which, in their gratitude

for his kind offices on board the ship, they would not have complied instantly. The man rose to accompany

him without a moment's delay. Before they went, Mark took the sick child in his arms, and tried to comfort

They found Martin in the house, lying wrapped up in his blanket on the ground. He was, to all appearance,

very ill indeed, and shook and shivered horribly; not as people do from cold, but in a frightful kind of spasm

or convulsion, that racked his whole body. Mark's friend pronounced his disease an aggravated kind of fever,

accompanied with ague; which was very common in those parts, and which he predicted would be worse

tomorrow, and for many more tomorrows. He had had it himself off and on, he said, for a couple of years

or so; but he was thankful that, while so many he had known had died about him, he had escaped with life.

'And with not too much of that,' thought Mark, surveying his emaciated form. 'Eden for ever!'

They had some medicine in their chest; and this man of sad experience showed Mark how and when to

administer it, and how he could best alleviate the sufferings of Martin. His attentions did not stop there; for

he was backwards and forwards constantly, and rendered Mark good service in all his brisk attempts to make

their situation more endurable. Hope or comfort for the future he could not bestow. The season was a sickly

one; the settlement a grave. His child died that night; and Mark, keeping the secret from Martin, helped to

With all his various duties of attendance upon Martin (who became the more exacting in his claims, the worse

he grew), Mark worked out of doors, early and late; and with the assistance of his friend and others, laboured

to do something with their land. Not that he had the least strength of heart or hope, or steady purpose in so

doing, beyond the habitual cheerfulness of his disposition, and his amazing power of selfsustainment; for

within himself, he looked on their condition as beyond all hope, and, in his own words, 'came out strong' in

'As to coming out as strong as I could wish, sir,' he confided to Martin in a leisure moment; that is to say, one

evening, while he was washing the linen of the establishment, after a hard day's work, 'that I give up. It's a

'Would you wish for circumstances stronger than these?' Martin retorted with a groan, from underneath his

'Why, only see how easy they might have been stronger, sir,' said Mark, 'if it wasn't for the envy of that

uncommon fortun of mine, which is always after me, and tripping me up. The night we landed here, I thought

things did look pretty jolly. I won't deny it. I thought they did look pretty jolly.'

'Ah!' said Mark, 'Ah, to be sure. That's the question. How do they look now? On the very first morning of my

going out, what do I do? Stumble on a family I know, who are constantly assisting of us in all sorts of ways,

from that time to this! That won't do, you know; that ain't what I'd a right to expect. If I had stumbled on a

serpent and got bit; or stumbled on a firstrate patriot, and got bowieknifed, or stumbled on a lot of

Sympathisers with inverted shirtcollars, and got made a lion of; I might have distinguished myself, and

earned some credit. As it is, the great object of my voyage is knocked on the head. So it would be, wherever I

'That's something,' returned Mark, 'but not enough. Nothing but being very bad myself, and jolly to the last,

'In Heaven's name, don't talk of that,' said Martin with a thrill of terror. 'What should I do, Mark, if you were

Mr Tapley's spirits appeared to be stimulated by this remark, although it was not a very flattering one. He

proceeded with his washing in a brighter mood; and observed 'that his glass was arising.'

'There's one good thing in this place, sir,' said Mr Tapley, scrubbing away at the linen, 'as disposes me to be

jolly; and that is that it's a reg'lar little United States in itself. There's two or three American settlers left; and

they coolly comes over one, even here, sir, as if it was the wholesomest and loveliest spot in the world. But

they're like the cock that went and hid himself to save his life, and was found out by the noise he made. They

can't help crowing. They was born to do it, and do it they must, whatever comes of it.'

Glancing from his work out at the door as he said these words, Mark's eyes encountered a lean person in a

blue frock and a straw hat, with a short black pipe in his mouth, and a great hickory stick studded all over

with knots, in his hand; who smoking and chewing as he came along, and spitting frequently, recorded his

'He won't want any letting in,' replied Mark. 'He'll come in, sir.' Which turned out to be quite true, for he did.

His face was almost as hard and knobby as his stick; and so were his hands. His head was like an old black

hearthbroom. He sat down on the chest with his hat on; and crossing his legs and looking up at Mark, said,

It may be necessary to observe that Mr Tapley had gravely introduced himself to all strangers, by that name.

'If this ain't Mr Chuzzlewit, ain't it!' exclaimed the visitor 'How do YOU git along, sir?'

Martin shook his head, and drew the blanket over it involuntarily; for he felt that Hannibal was going to spit;

'You need not regard me, sir,' observed Mr Chollop, complacently. 'I am feverproof, and likewise agur.'

'Mine was a more selfish motive,' said Martin, looking out again. 'I was afraid you were going to'

'I require, sir,' said Hannibal, 'two foot clear in a circ'lar di rection, and can engage myself toe keep

within it. I HAVE gone ten foot, in a circ'lar direction, but that was for a wager.'

He was silent for a time, during which he was actively engaged in the formation of a magic circle round the

Chollop continued to smoke without the least appearance of emotion, until he felt disposed to speak again.

'I am not surprised to hear you say so. It requires An elevation, and A preparation of the intellect. The mind

He addressed himself to Mark; because he saw that Martin, who wished him to go, being already halfmad

with feverish irritation, which the droning voice of this new horror rendered almost insupportable, had closed

'A little bodily preparation wouldn't be amiss, either, would it, sir,' said Mark, 'in the case of a blessed old

'The sentiment is quite Europian,' said the major, 'and does not surprise me; what would your English

'They'd say it was an uncommon nasty one, I should think, said Mark; 'and that they would rather be

And there he sat. Silent and cool, as if the house were his; smoking away like a factory chimney.

Mr Chollop was, of course, one of the most remarkable men in the country; but he really was a notorious

person besides. He was usually described by his friends, in the South and West, as 'a splendid sample of our

native raw material, sir,' and was much esteemed for his devotion to rational Liberty; for the better

propagation whereof he usually carried a brace of revolving pistols in his coat pocket, with seven barrels

apiece. He also carried, amongst other trinkets, a swordstick, which he called his 'Tickler.' and a great

knife, which (for he was a man of a pleasant turn of humour) he called 'Ripper,' in allusion to its usefulness as

a means of ventilating the stomach of any adversary in a close contest. He had used these weapons with

distinguished effect in several instances, all duly chronicled in the newspapers; and was greatly beloved for

the gallant manner in which he had 'jobbed out' the eye of one gentleman, as he was in the act of knocking at

Mr Chollop was a man of a roving disposition; and, in any less advanced community, might have been

mistaken for a violent vagabond. But his fine qualities being perfectly understood and appreciated in those

regions where his lot was cast, and where he had many kindred spirits to consort with, he may be regarded as

having been born under a fortunate star, which is not always the case with a man so much before the age in

which he lives. Preferring, with a view to the gratification of his tickling and ripping fancies, to dwell upon

the outskirts of society, and in the more remote towns and cities, he was in the habit of emigrating from place

to place, and establishing in each some businessusually a newspaperwhich he presently sold; for the

most part closing the bargain by challenging, stabbing, pistolling, or gouging the new editor, before he had

He had come to Eden on a speculation of this kind, but had abandoned it, and was about to leave. He always

introduced himself to strangers as a worshipper of Freedom; was the consistent advocate of Lynch law, and

slavery; and invariably recommended, both in print and speech, the 'tarring and feathering' of any unpopular

person who differed from himself. He called this 'planting the standard of civilization in the wilder gardens of

There is little doubt that Chollop would have planted this standard in Eden at Mark's expense, in return for his

plainness of speech (for the genuine Freedom is dumb, save when she vaunts herself), but for the utter

desolation and decay prevailing in the settlement, and his own approaching departure from it. As it was, he

contented himself with showing Mark one of the revolvingpistols, and asking him what he thought of that

'It ain't long since I shot a man down with that, sir, in the State of IllinOY,' observed Chollop.

'Did you, indeed!' said Mark, without the smallest agitation. 'Very free of you. And very independent!'

'I shot him down, sir,' pursued Chollop, 'for asserting in the Spartan Portico, a triweekly journal, that the

After a short devotion to the interests of the magic circle, he resumed the conversation by observing:

'You miss the imposts of your country. You miss the house dues?' observed Chollop.

'No stakes, no dungeons, no blocks, no racks, no scaffolds, no thumbscrews, no pikes, no pillories,' said

'Nothing but rewolwers and bowieknives,' returned Mark. 'And what are they? Not worth mentioning!'

The man who had met them on the night of their arrival came crawling up at this juncture, and looked in at

He had considerable difficulty in getting along at all, and said as much in reply.

'Mr Co. And me, sir,' observed Chollop, 'are disputating a piece. He ought to be slicked up pretty smart to

'I was merely observing, sir,' said Mark, addressing this new visitor, 'that I looked upon the city in which we

'But not as moist as England, sir?' cried Chollop, with a fierce expression in his face.

'I should hope there ain't a swamp in all Americay, as don't whip THAT small island into mush and molasses,'

observed Chollop, decisively. 'You bought slick, straight, and right away, of Scadder, sir?' to Mark.

'Scadder is a smart man, sir? He is a rising man? He is a man as will come up'ards, right side up, sir?' Mr

'He should have his right side very high up, if I had my way,' said Mark. 'As high up as the top of a good tall

Mr Chollop was so delighted at the smartness of his excellent countryman having been too much for the

Britisher, and at the Britisher's resenting it, that he could contain himself no longer, and broke forth in a shout

of delight. But the strangest exposition of this ruling passion was in the otherthe pestilencestricken,

broken, miserable shadow of a manwho derived so much entertainment from the circumstance that he

seemed to forget his own ruin in thinking of it, and laughed outright when he said 'that Scadder was a smart

After a full enjoyment of this joke, Mr Hannibal Chollop sat smoking and improving the circle, without

making any attempts either to converse or to take leave; apparently labouring under the not uncommon

delusion that for a free and enlightened citizen of the United States to convert another man's house into a

spittoon for two or three hours together, was a delicate attention, full of interest and politeness, of which

'Afore I go,' he said sternly, 'I have got a leetle word to say to you. You are darnation 'cute, you are.'

'But you are much too 'cute to last. I can't conceive of any spotted Painter in the bush, as ever was so riddled

'We must be cracked up, sir,' retorted Chollop, in a tone of menace. 'You are not now in A despotic land. We

'I have draw'd upon A man, and fired upon A man for less,' said Chollop, frowning. 'I have know'd strong

men obleeged to make themselves uncommon skase for less. I have know'd men Lynched for less, and beaten

into punkin'sarse for less, by an enlightened people. We are the intellect and virtue of the airth, the cream of

human natur', and the flower Of moral force. Our backs is easy ris. We must be crackedup, or they rises, and

we snarls. We shows our teeth, I tell you, fierce. You'd better crack us up, you had!'

After the delivery of this caution, Mr Chollop departed; with Ripper, Tickler, and the revolvers, all ready for

'Come out from under the blanket, sir,' said Mark, 'he's gone. What's this!' he added softly; kneeling down to

look into his partner's face, and taking his hot hand. 'What's come of all that chattering and swaggering? He's

Martin indeed was dangerously ill; very near his death. He lay in that state many days, during which time

Mark's poor friends, regardless of themselves, attended him. Mark, fatigued in mind and body; working all

the day and sitting up at night; worn with hard living and the unaccustomed toil of his new life; surrounded

by dismal and discouraging circumstances of every kind; never complained or yielded in the least degree. If

ever he had thought Martin selfish or inconsiderate, or had deemed him energetic only by fits and starts, and

then too passive for their desperate fortunes, he now forgot it all. He remembered nothing but the better

Many weeks elapsed before Martin was strong enough to move about with the help of a stick and Mark's arm;

and even then his recovery, for want of wholesome air and proper nourishment, was very slow. He was yet in

a feeble and weak condition, when the misfourtune he had so much dreaded fell upon them. Mark was taken

Mark fought against it; but the malady fought harder, and his efforts were in vain.

'Floored for the present, sir,' he said one morning, sinking back upon his bed; 'but jolly!'

Floored indeed, and by a heavy blow! As any one but Martin might have known beforehand.

If Mark's friends had been kind to Martin (and they had been very), they were twenty times kinder to Mark.

And now it was Martin's turn to work, and sit beside the bed and watch, and listen through the long, long

nights, to every sound in the gloomy wilderness; and hear poor Mr Tapley, in his wandering fancy, playing at

skittles in the Dragon, making loveremonstrances to Mrs Lupin, getting his sealegs on board the Screw,

travelling with old Tom Pinch on English roads, and burning stumps of trees in Eden, all at once.

But whenever Martin gave him drink or medicine, or tended him in any way, or came into the house returning

from some drudgery without, the patient Mr Tapley brightened up and cried: 'I'm jolly, sir; 'I'm jolly!'

Now, when Martin began to think of this, and to look at Mark as he lay there; never reproaching him by so

much as an expression of regret; never murmuring; always striving to be manful and staunch; he began to

think, how was it that this man who had had so few advantages, was so much better than he who had had so

many? And attendance upon a sick bed, but especially the sick bed of one whom we have been accustomed to

see in full activity and vigour, being a great breeder of reflection, he began to ask himself in what they

He was assisted in coming to a conclusion on this head by the frequent presence of Mark's friend, their

fellowpassenger across the ocean, which suggested to him that in regard to having aided her, for example,

they had differed very much. Somehow he coupled Tom Pinch with this train of reflection; and thinking that

Tom would be very likely to have struck up the same sort of acquaintance under similar circumstances, began

to think in what respects two people so extremely different were like each other, and were unlike him. At first

sight there was nothing very distressing in these meditations, but they did undoubtedly distress him for all

Martin's nature was a frank and generous one; but he had been bred up in his grandfather's house; and it will

usually be found that the meaner domestic vices propagate themselves to be their own antagonists.

Selfishness does this especially; so do suspicion, cunning, stealth, and covetous propensities. Martin had

unconsciously reasoned as a child, 'My guardian takes so much thought of himself, that unless I do the like by

But he had never known it. If any one had taxed him with the vice, he would have indignantly repelled the

accusation, and conceived himself unworthily aspersed. He never would have known it, but that being newly

risen from a bed of dangerous sickness, to watch by such another couch, he felt how nearly Self had dropped

It was natural for him to reflecthe had months to do it inupon his own escape, and Mark's extremity.

This led him to consider which of them could be the better spared, and why? Then the curtain slowly rose a

He asked himself, besides, when dreading Mark's decease (as all men do and must, at such a time), whether

he had done his duty by him, and had deserved and made a good response to his fidelity and zeal. No. Short

as their companionship had been, he felt in many, many instances, that there was blame against himself; and

still inquiring why, the curtain slowly rose a little more, and Self, Self, Self, dilated on the scene.

It was long before he fixed the knowledge of himself so firmly in his mind that he could thoroughly discern

the truth; but in the hideous solitude of that most hideous place, with Hope so far removed, Ambition

quenched, and Death beside him rattling at the very door, reflection came, as in a plaguebeleaguered town;

and so he felt and knew the failing of his life, and saw distinctly what an ugly spot it was.

Eden was a hard school to learn so hard a lesson in; but there were teachers in the swamp and thicket, and the

He made a solemn resolution that when his strength returned he would not dispute the point or resist the

conviction, but would look upon it as an established fact, that selfishness was in his breast, and must be

rooted out. He was so doubtful (and with justice) of his own character, that he determined not to say one

word of vain regret or good resolve to Mark, but steadily to keep his purpose before his own eyes solely; and

there was not a jot of pride in this; nothing but humility and steadfastness; the best armour he could wear. So

After a long and lingering illness (in certain forlorn stages of which, when too far gone to speak, he had

feebly written 'jolly!' on a slate), Mark showed some symptoms of returning health. They came and went, and

flickered for a time; but he began to mend at last decidedly; and after that continued to improve from day to

As soon as he was well enough to talk without fatigue, Martin consulted him upon a project he had in his

mind, and which a few months back he would have carried into execution without troubling anybody's head

'Ours is a desperate case,' said Martin. 'Plainly. The place is deserted; its failure must have become known;

and selling what we have bought to any one, for anything, is hopeless, even if it were honest. We left home

on a mad enterprise, and have failed. The only hope left us, the only one end for which we have now to try, is

to quit this settlement for ever, and get back to England. Anyhow! by any means! only to get back there,

'That's all, sir,' returned Mr Tapley, with a significant stress upon the words; 'only that!'

'Now, upon this side of the water,' said Martin, 'we have but one friend who can help us, and that is Mr

'But for the time that would be lost, I would even write to my grandfather,' Martin went on to say, 'and

implore him for money to free us from this trap into which we were so cruelly decoyed. Shall I try Mr Bevan

'The few goods we brought here, and in which we spent our money, would produce something if sold,'

resumed Martin; 'and whatever they realise shall be paid him instantly. But they can't be sold here.'

'There's nobody but corpses to buy 'em,' said Mr Tapley, shaking his head with a rueful air, 'and pigs.'

'Shall I tell him so, and only ask him for money enough to enable us by the cheapest means to reach New

York, or any port from which we may hope to get a passage home, by serving in any capacity? Explaining to

him at the same time how I am connected, and that I will endeavour to repay him, even through my

'Why to be sure,' said Mark: 'he can only say no, and he may say yes. If you don't mind trying him, sir'

'Mind!' exclaimed Martin. 'I am to blame for coming here, and I would do anything to get away. I grieve to

think of the past. If I had taken your opinion sooner, Mark, we never should have been here, I am certain.'

Mr Tapley was very much surprised at this admission, but protested, with great vehemence, that they would

have been there all the same; and that he had set his heart upon coming to Eden, from the first word he had

Martin then read him a letter to Mr Bevan, which he had already prepared. It was frankly and ingenuously

written, and described their situation without the least concealment; plainly stated the miseries they had

undergone; and preferred their request in modest but straightforward terms. Mark highly commended it; and

they determined to dispatch it by the next steamboat going the right way, that might call to take in wood at

Edenwhere there was plenty of wood to spare. Not knowing how to address Mr Bevan at his own place of

abode, Martin superscribed it to the care of the memorable Mr Norris of New York, and wrote upon the cover

More than a week elapsed before a boat appeared; but at length they were awakened very early one morning

by the highpressure snorting of the 'Esau Slodge;' named after one of the most remarkable men in the

country, who had been very eminent somewhere. Hurrying down to the landingplace, they got it safe on

board; and waiting anxiously to see the boat depart, stopped up the gangway; an instance of neglect which

caused the 'Capting' of the Esau Slodge to 'wish he might be sifted fine as flour, and whittled small as chips;

that if they didn't come off that there fixing right smart too, he'd spill 'em in the drink;' whereby the Capting

They were not likely to receive an answer for eight or ten weeks at the earliest. In the meantime they devoted

such strength as they had to the attempted improvement of their land; to clearing some of it, and preparing it

for useful purposes. Monstrously defective as their farming was, still it was better than their neighbours'; for

Mark had some practical knowledge of such matters, and Martin learned of him; whereas the other settlers

who remained upon the putrid swamp (a mere handful, and those withered by disease), appeared to have

wandered there with the idea that husbandry was the natural gift of all mankind. They helped each other after

their own manner in these struggles, and in all others; but they worked as hopelessly and sadly as a gang of

Often at night when Mark and Martin were alone, and lying down to sleep, they spoke of home, familiar

places, houses, roads, and people whom they knew; sometimes in the lively hope of seeing them again, and

sometimes with a sorrowful tranquillity, as if that hope were dead. It was a source of great amazement to

Mark Tapley to find, pervading all these conversations, a singular alteration in Martin.

'I don't know what to make of him,' he thought one night, 'he ain't what I supposed. He don't think of himself

'Weakminded man, sir,' observed Mr Tapley. 'Plays the organ for nothing, sir. Takes no care of himself?'

'I wish he took a little more, indeed,' said Martin. 'Though I don't know why I should. We shouldn't like him

He spoke so regretfully that his partner abandoned the theme, and was silent for a short time until he had

'Ah, sir!' said Mark, with a sigh. 'Dear me! You've ventured a good deal for a young lady's love!'

'I tell you what. I'm not so sure of that, Mark,' was the reply; so hastily and energetically spoken, that Martin

sat up in his bed to give it. 'I begin to be far from clear upon it. You may depend upon it she is very unhappy.

She has sacrificed her peace of mind; she has endangered her interests very much; she can't run away from

those who are jealous of her, and opposed to her, as I have done. She has to endure, Mark; to endure without

the possibility of action, poor girl! I begin to think that she has more to bear than ever I had. Upon my soul I

'And I'll tell you a secret, Mark,' said Martin, 'since we ARE upon this subject. That ring'

'That ring she gave me when we parted, Mark. She bought it; bought it; knowing I was poor and proud

'I say so. I know it. I thought of it, my good fellow, hundreds of times, while you were lying ill. And like a

beast, I took it from her hand, and wore it on my own, and never dreamed of this even at the moment when I

parted with it, when some faint glimmering of the truth might surely have possessed me! But it's late,' said

Martin, checking himself, 'and you are weak and tired, I know. You only talk to cheer me up. Good night!

'God bless you, sir! But I'm reg'larly defrauded,' thought Mr Tapley, turning round with a happy face. 'It's a

swindle. I never entered for this sort of service. There'll be no credit in being jolly with HIM!'

The time wore on, and other steamboats coming from the point on which their hopes were fixed, arrived to

take in wood; but still no answer to the letter. Rain, heat, foul slime, and noxious vapour, with all the ills and

filthy things they bred, prevailed. The earth, the air, the vegetation, and the water that they drank, all teemed

with deadly properties. Their fellowpassenger had lost two children long before; and buried now her last.

Such things are much too common to be widely known or cared for. Smart citizens grow rich, and friendless

At last a boat came panting up the ugly river, and stopped at Eden. Mark was waiting at the wood hut when it

came, and had a letter handed to him from on board. He bore it off to Martin. They looked at one another,

'It feels heavy,' faltered Martin. And opening it a little roll of dollarnotes fell out upon the ground.

What either of them said, or did, or felt, at first, neither of them knew. All Mark could ever tell was, that he

was at the river's bank again out of breath, before the boat had gone, inquiring when it would retrace its track

The answer was, in ten or twelve days; notwithstanding which they began to get their goods together and to

tie them up that very night. When this stage of excitement was passed, each of them believed (they found this

out, in talking of it afterwards) that he would surely die before the boat returned.

They lived, however, and it came, after the lapse of three long crawling weeks. At sunrise, on an autumn day,

'Courage! We shall meet again!' cried Martin, waving his hand to two thin figures on the bank. 'In the Old

'Or in the next one,' added Mark below his breath. 'To see them standing side by side, so quiet, is a'most the

They looked at one another as the vessel moved away, and then looked backward at the spot from which it

hurried fast. The loghouse, with the open door, and drooping trees about it; the stagnant morning mist, and

red sun, dimly seen beyond; the vapour rising up from land and river; the quick stream making the loathsome

banks it washed more flat and dull; how often they returned in dreams! How often it was happiness to wake

Among the passengers on board the steamboat, there was a faint gentleman sitting on a low campstool, with

his legs on a high barrel of flour, as if he were looking at the prospect with his ankles, who attracted their

He had straight black hair, parted up the middle of his head and hanging down upon his coat; a little fringe of

hair upon his chin; wore no neckcloth; a white hat; a suit of black, long in the sleeves and short in the legs;

soiled brown stockings and laced shoes. His complexion, naturally muddy, was rendered muddier by too

strict an economy of soap and water; and the same observation will apply to the washable part of his attire,

which he might have changed with comfort to himself and gratification to his friends. He was about five and

thirty; was crushed and jammed up in a heap, under the shade of a large green cotton umbrella; and ruminated

He was not singular, to be sure, in these respects; for every gentleman on board appeared to have had a

difference with his laundress and to have left off washing himself in early youth. Every gentleman, too, was

perfectly stopped up with tight plugging, and was dislocated in the greater part of his joints. But about this

gentleman there was a peculiar air of sagacity and wisdom, which convinced Martin that he was no common

It was a tall thin gentleman who spoke to him, with a carpetcap on, and a long loose coat of green baize,

Martin thought so too; but he soon discovered that the gentleman and he attached different meanings to this

'You air fortunate, sir, in having an opportunity of beholding our Elijah Pogram, sir.'

'Your Elijahpogram!' said Martin, thinking it was all one word, and a building of some sort.

'Yes, sir,' repeated the gentleman. 'our Elijah Pogram, sir, is, at this minute, identically settin' by the engine

The gentleman under the umbrella put his right forefinger to his eyebrow, as if he were revolving schemes of

'Dear me!' said Martin. 'I am astonished.' But he had not the least idea who this Elijah Pogram was; having

'If the biler of this vessel was Toe bust, sir,' said his new acquaintance, 'and Toe bust now, this would be a

festival day in the calendar of despotism; pretty nigh equallin', sir, in its effects upon the human race, our

Fourth of glorious July. Yes, sir, that is the Honourable Elijah Pogram, Member of Congress; one of the

'Yes, sir. Our own immortal Chiggle, sir, is said to have observed, when he made the celebrated Pogram

statter in marble, which rose so much contest and prejudice in Europe, that the brow was more than mortal.

This was before the Pogram Defiance, and was, therefore, a prediction, cruel smart.'

'What is the Pogram Defiance?' asked Martin, thinking, perhaps, it was the sign of a publichouse.

'It defied the world, sir,' said the other, gravely. 'Defied the world in general to compete with our country

upon any hook; and devellop'd our internal resources for making war upon the universal airth. You would

'Mr Pogram,' said the strangerMr Pogram having overheard every word of the dialogue'this is a

gentleman from Europe, sir; from England, sir. But gen'rous enemies may meet upon the neutral sile of

The languid Mr Pogram shook hands with Martin, like a clockwork figure that was just running down. But

'Mr Pogram,' said the introducer, 'is a public servant, sir. When Congress is recessed, he makes himself

It occurred to Martin that if the Honourable Elijah Pogram had stayed at home, and sent his shoes upon a

tour, they would have answered the same purpose; for they were the only part of him in a situation to see

In course of time, however, Mr Pogram rose; and having ejected certain plugging consequences which would

have impeded his articulation, took up a position where there was something to lean against, and began to

'Yes, sir,' said Elijah Pogram. A knot of passengers gathered round to hear what followed; and Martin heard

his friend say, as he whispered to another friend, and rubbed his hands, 'Pogram will smash him into

'Why,' said Martin, after a moment's hesitation, 'I have learned by experience, that you take an unfair

advantage of a stranger, when you ask that question. You don't mean it to be answered, except in one way.

Now, I don't choose to answer it in that way, for I cannot honestly answer it in that way. And therefore, I

But Mr Pogram was going to make a great speech in the next session about foreign relations, and was going

to write strong articles on the subject; and as he greatly favoured the free and independent custom (a very

harmless and agreeable one) of procuring information of any sort in any kind of confidence, and afterwards

perverting it publicly in any manner that happened to suit him, he had determined to get at Martin's opinions

somehow or other. For if he could have got nothing out of him, he would have had to invent it for him, and

that would have been laborious. He made a mental note of his answer, and went in again.

Martin said what he thought of that part of the country, in pretty strong terms.

'It is strange,' said Pogram, looking round upon the group, 'this hatred of our country, and her Institutions!

'Good Heaven, sir,' cried Martin. 'Is the Eden Land Corporation, with Mr Scadder at its head, and all the

misery it has worked, at its door, an Institution of America? A part of any form of government that ever was

'I consider the cause of this to be,' said Pogram, looking round again and taking himself up where Martin

had interrupted him, 'partly jealousy and prejudice, and partly the nat'ral unfitness of the British people to

appreciate the exalted Institutions of our native land. I expect, sir,' turning to Martin again, 'that a gentleman

'Yes,' answered Martin; 'but my friend can answer this better than I can, for I was very ill at the time. Mark!

'A splendid example of our native raw material, sir?' said Pogram, interrogatively.

The Honourable Elijah Pogram glanced at his friends as though he would have said, 'Observe this! See what

'Our fellowcountryman is a model of a man, quite fresh from Natur's mould!' said Pogram, with enthusiasm.

'He is a trueborn child of this free hemisphere! Verdant as the mountains of our country; bright and flowing

as our mineral Licks; unspiled by withering conventionalities as air our broad and boundless Perearers!

Rough he may be. So air our Barrs. Wild he may be. So air our Buffalers. But he is a child of Natur', and a

child of Freedom; and his boastful answer to the Despot and the Tyrant is, that his bright home is in the Settin

Part of this referred to Chollop, and part to a Western postmaster, who, being a public defaulter not very long

before (a character not at all uncommon in America), had been removed from office; and on whose behalf Mr

Pogram (he voted for Pogram) had thundered the last sentence from his seat in Congress, at the head of an

unpopular President. It told brilliantly; for the bystanders were delighted, and one of them said to Martin, 'that

he guessed he had now seen something of the eloquential aspect of our country, and was chawed up pritty

'Why,' said Mark, 'I didn't like him much; and that's the truth, sir. I thought he was a bully; and I didn't admire

'It's singler!' said Pogram, lifting his umbrella high enough to look all round from under it. 'It's strange! You

observe the settled opposition to our Institutions which pervades the British mind!'

'What an extraordinary people you are!' cried Martin. 'Are Mr Chollop and the class he represents, an

Institution here? Are pistols with revolving barrels, swordsticks, bowieknives, and such things, Institutions

on which you pride yourselves? Are bloody duels, brutal combats, savage assaults, shooting down and

stabbing in the streets, your Institutions! Why, I shall hear next that Dishonour and Fraud are among the

The moment the words passed his lips, the Honourable Elijah Pogram looked round again.

'This morbid hatred of our Institutions,' he observed, 'is quite a study for the psychological observer. He's

'Oh! you may make anything an Institution if you like,' said Martin, laughing, 'and I confess you had me

there, for you certainly have made that one. But the greater part of these things are one Institution with us,

The bell being rung for dinner at this moment, everybody ran away into the cabin, whither the Honourable

Elijah Pogram fled with such precipitation that he forgot his umbrella was up, and fixed it so tightly in the

cabin door that it could neither be let down nor got out. For a minute or so this accident created a perfect

rebellion among the hungry passengers behind, who, seeing the dishes, and hearing the knives and forks at

work, well knew what would happen unless they got there instantly, and were nearly mad; while several

virtuous citizens at the table were in deadly peril of choking themselves in their unnatural efforts to get rid of

They carried the umbrella by storm, however, and rushed in at the breach. The Honourable Elijah Pogram

and Martin found themselves, after a severe struggle, side by side, as they might have come together in the pit

of a London theatre; and for four whole minutes afterwards, Pogram was snapping up great blocks of

everything he could get hold of, like a raven. When he had taken this unusually protracted dinner, he began to

talk to Martin; and begged him not to have the least delicacy in speaking with perfect freedom to him, for he

was a calm philosopher. Which Martin was extremely glad to hear; for he had begun to speculate on Elijah

being a disciple of that other school of republican philosophy, whose noble sentiments are carved with knives

'What do you think of my countrymen who are present, sir?' inquired Elijah Pogram.

They were a very pleasant party. No man had spoken a word; every one had been intent, as usual, on his own

private gorging; and the greater part of the company were decidedly dirty feeders.

The Honourable Elijah Pogram looked at Martin as if he thought 'You don't mean that, I know!' and he was

Sitting opposite to them was a gentleman in a high state of tobacco, who wore quite a little beard, composed

of the overflowing of that weed, as they had dried about his mouth and chin; so common an ornament that it

would scarcely have attracted Martin's observation, but that this good citizen, burning to assert his equality

against all comers, sucked his knife for some moments, and made a cut with it at the butter, just as Martin

was in the act of taking some. There was a juiciness about the deed that might have sickened a scavenger.

When Elijah Pogram (to whom this was an everyday incident) saw that Martin put the plate away, and took

'Well! The morbid hatred of you British to the Institutions of our country is asTONishing!'

'Upon my life!' cried Martin, in his turn. 'This is the most wonderful community that ever existed. A man

'Acquire!' cried Martin. 'But it's not a question of acquiring anything. It's a question of losing the natural

politeness of a savage, and that instinctive good breeding which admonishes one man not to offend and

disgust another. Don't you think that man over the way, for instance, naturally knows better, but considers it a

'He is a native of our country, and is nat'rally bright and spry, of course,' said Mr Pogram.

'Now, observe what this comes to, Mr Pogram,' pursued Martin. 'The mass of your countrymen begin by

stubbornly neglecting little social observances, which have nothing to do with gentility, custom, usage,

government, or country, but are acts of common, decent, natural, human politeness. You abet them in this, by

resenting all attacks upon their social offences as if they were a beautiful national feature. From disregarding

small obligations they come in regular course to disregard great ones; and so refuse to pay their debts. What

they may do, or what they may refuse to do next, I don't know; but any man may see if he will, that it will be

something following in natural succession, and a part of one great growth, which is rotten at the root.'

The mind of Mr Pogram was too philosophical to see this; so they went on deck again, where, resuming his

former post, he chewed until he was in a lethargic state, amounting to insensibility.

After a weary voyage of several days, they came again to that same wharf where Mark had been so nearly left

behind, on the night of starting for Eden. Captain Kedgick, the landlord, was standing there, and was greatly

'I reckon you can stay there for a twelvemonth if you like,' retorted Kedgick coolly. 'But our people won't best

'They did expect you was agoing to settle,' Kedgick answered, as he shook his head. 'They've been took in,

'My good friend,' returned Martin, 'did I want to receive them? Was it any act of mine? Didn't you tell me

they would rile up, and that I should be flayed like a wild catand threaten all kinds of vengeance, if I didn't

'I don't know about that,' returned the Captain. 'But when our people's frills is out, they're starched up pretty

With that, he fell into the rear to walk with Mark, while Martin and Elijah Pogram went on to the National.

'It ain't the thing I did expect,' the Captain grumbled. 'A man ain't got no right to be a public man, unless he

meets the public views. Our fashionable people wouldn't have attended his levee, if they had know'd it.'

Nothing mollified the Captain, who persisted in taking it very ill that they had not both died in Eden. The

boarders at the National felt strongly on the subject too; but it happened by good fortune that they had not

much time to think about this grievance, for it was suddenly determined to pounce upon the Honourable

As the general evening meal of the house was over before the arrival of the boat, Martin, Mark, and Pogram

were taking tea and fixings at the public table by themselves, when the deputation entered to announce this

The spokesman thus reminded of the shrill boy's presence, introduced him. 'Doctor Ginery Dunkle, sir. A

gentleman of great poetical elements. He has recently jined us here, sir, and is an acquisition to us, sir, I do

'I beg your pardon, sir. Excuse me. Mr Julius Washington Merryweather Bib, sir; a gentleman in the lumber

line, sir, and much esteemed. Colonel Groper, sir. Professor Piper, sir. My own name, sir, is Oscar Buffum.'

Each man took one slide forward as he was named; butted at the Honourable Elijah Pogram with his head;

shook hands, and slid back again. The introductions being completed, the spokesman resumed.

'Perhaps,' said the spokesman, with a hopeless look, 'you will be so good, Dr. Ginery Dunkle, as to charge

As there was nothing the shrill boy desired more, he immediately stepped forward.

'Mr Pogram! Sir! A handful of your fellowcitizens, sir, hearing of your arrival at the National Hotel, and

feeling the patriotic character of your public services, wish, sir, to have the gratification of beholding you,

'And therefore, sir,' pursued the Doctor, 'they request; as A mark Of their respect; the honour of your

'Your approbation of My labours in the common cause goes to My heart. At all times and in all places; in the

'The name of Pogram will be proud to jine you. And may it, My friends, be written on My tomb, "He was a

'The Committee, sir,' said the shrill boy, 'will wait upon you at five minutes afore eight. I take My leave,

Mr Pogram shook hands with him, and everybody else, once more; and when they came back again at five

minutes before eight, they said, one by one, in a melancholy voice, 'How do you do, sir?' and shook hands

with Mr Pogram all over again, as if he had been abroad for a twelvemonth in the meantime, and they met,

But by this time Mr Pogram had freshened himself up, and had composed his hair and features after the

Pogram statue, so that any one with half an eye might cry out, 'There he is! as he delivered the Defiance!' The

Committee were embellished also; and when they entered the ladies' ordinary in a body, there was much

clapping of hands from ladies and gentlemen, accompanied by cries of 'Pogram! Pogram!' and some standing

The object of the popular caress looked round the room as he walked up it, and smiled; at the same time

observing to the shrill boy, that he knew something of the beauty of the daughters of their common country,

but had never seen it in such lustre and perfection as at that moment. Which the shrill boy put in the paper

'We will request you, sir, if you please,' said Buffum, laying hands on Mr Pogram as if he were taking his

measure for a coat, 'to stand up with your back agin the wall right in the furthest corner, that there may be

more room for our fellow citizens. If you could set your back right slap agin that curtainpeg, sir, keeping

Mr Pogram did as he was told, and wedged himself into such a little corner that the Pogram statue wouldn't

The entertainments of the evening then began. Gentlemen brought ladies up, and brought themselves up, and

brought each other up; and asked Elijah Pogram what he thought of this political question, and what he

thought of that; and looked at him, and looked at one another, and seemed very unhappy indeed. The ladies

on the chairs looked at Elijah Pogram through their glasses, and said audibly, 'I wish he'd speak. Why don't

he speak? Oh, do ask him to speak!' And Elijah Pogram looked sometimes at the ladies and sometimes

elsewhere, delivering senatorial opinions, as he was asked for them. But the great end and object of the

meeting seemed to be, not to let Elijah Pogram out of the corner on any account; so there they kept him, hard

A great bustle at the door, in the course of the evening, announced the arrival of some remarkable person; and

immediately afterwards an elderly gentleman, much excited, was seen to precipitate himself upon the crowd,

and battle his way towards the Honourable Elijah Pogram. Martin, who had found a snug place of observation

in a distant corner, where he stood with Mark beside him (for he did not so often forget him now as formerly,

though he still did sometimes), thought he knew this gentleman, but had no doubt of it, when he cried as loud

'Here she comes, sir,' answered Mr Tapley. 'Pogram knows her. A public character! Always got her eye upon

her country, sir! If that there lady's husband is of my opinion, what a jolly old gentleman he must be!'

A lane was made; and Mrs Hominy, with the aristocratic stalk, the pocket handkerchief, the clasped hands,

and the classical cap, came slowly up it, in a procession of one. Mr Pogram testified emotions of delight on

seeing her, and a general hush prevailed. For it was known that when a woman like Mrs Hominy encountered

Their first salutations were exchanged in a voice too low to reach the impatient ears of the throng; but they

soon became audible, for Mrs Hominy felt her position, and knew what was expected of her.

Mrs H. was hard upon him at first; and put him through a rigid catechism in reference to a certain vote he had

given, which she had found it necessary, as the mother of the modern Gracchi, to deprecate in a line by itself,

set up expressly for the purpose in German text. But Mr Pogram evading it by a welltimed allusion to the

starspangled banner, which, it appeared, had the remarkable peculiarity of flouting the breeze whenever it

was hoisted where the wind blew, she forgave him. They now enlarged on certain questions of tariff,

commercial treaty, boundary, importation and exportation with great effect. And Mrs Hominy not only

talked, as the saying is, like a book, but actually did talk her own books, word for word.

'My! what is this!' cried Mrs Hominy, opening a little note which was handed her by her excited

'Two literary ladies present their compliments to the mother of the modern Gracchi, and claim her kind

introduction, as their talented countrywoman, to the honourable (and distinguished) Elijah Pogram, whom the

two L. L.'s have often contemplated in the speaking marble of the soulsubduing Chiggle. On a verbal

intimation from the mother of the M. G., that she will comply with the request of the two L. L.'s, they will

have the immediate pleasure of joining the galaxy assembled to do honour to the patriotic conduct of a

Pogram. It may be another bond of union between the two L. L.'s and the mother of the M. G. to observe, that

Mrs Hominy promptly rose, and proceeded to the door, whence she returned, after a minute's interval, with

the two L. L.'s, whom she led, through the lane in the crowd, with all that stateliness of deportment which

was so remarkably her own, up to the great Elijah Pogram. It was (as the shrill boy cried out in an ecstasy)

quite the Last Scene from Coriolanus. One of the L. L.'s wore a brown wig of uncommon size. Sticking on

the forehead of the other, by invisible means, was a massive cameo, in size and shape like the raspberry tart

which is ordinarily sold for a penny, representing on its front the Capitol at Washington.

'Codger's the lady so often mentioned in the English newspapers I should think, sir,' whispered Mark. 'The

'To be presented to a Pogram,' said Miss Codger, 'by a Hominy, indeed, a thrilling moment is it in its

impressiveness on what we call our feelings. But why we call them so, or why impressed they are, or if

impressed they are at all, or if at all we are, or if there really is, oh gasping one! a Pogram or a Hominy, or

any active principle to which we give those titles, is a topic, Spirit searching, light abandoned, much too vast

'Mind and matter,' said the lady in the wig, 'glide swift into the vortex of immensity. Howls the sublime, and

softly sleeps the calm Ideal, in the whispering chambers of Imagination. To hear it, sweet it is. But then,

outlaughs the stern philosopher, and saith to the Grotesque, "What ho! arrest for me that Agency. Go, bring it

After this, they both took Mr Pogram by the hand, and pressed it to their lips, as a patriotic palm. That

homage paid, the mother of the modern Gracchi called for chairs, and the three literary ladies went to work in

earnest, to bring poor Pogram out, and make him show himself in all his brilliant colours.

How Pogram got out of his depth instantly, and how the three L. L.'s were never in theirs, is a piece of history

not worth recording. Suffice it, that being all four out of their depths, and all unable to swim, they splashed

up words in all directions, and floundered about famously. On the whole, it was considered to have been the

severest mental exercise ever heard in the National Hotel. Tears stood in the shrill boy's eyes several times;

and the whole company observed that their heads ached with the effortas well they might.

When it at last became necessary to release Elijah Pogram from the corner, and the Committee saw him

'Which,' said Mr Buffum, 'must have vent, or it will bust. Toe you, Mr Pogram, I am grateful. Toewards

you, sir, I am inspired with lofty veneration, and with deep emotion. The sentiment Toe which I would

propose to give expression, sir, is this: "May you ever be as firm, sir, as your marble statter! May it ever be

There is some reason to suppose that it was rather terrible to its friends; being a statue of the Elevated or

Goblin School, in which the Honourable Elijah Pogram was represented as in a very high wind, with his hair

all standing on end, and his nostrils blown wide open. But Mr Pogram thanked his friend and countryman for

the aspiration to which he had given utterance, and the Committee, after another solemn shaking of hands,

retired to bed, except the Doctor; who immediately repaired to the newspaperoffice, and there wrote a short

poem suggested by the events of the evening, beginning with fourteen stars, and headed, 'A Fragment.

Suggested by witnessing the Honourable Elijah Pogram engaged in a philosophical disputation with three of

If Pogram was as glad to get to bed as Martin was, he must have been well rewarded for his labours. They

started off again next day (Martin and Mark previously disposing of their goods to the storekeepers of whom

they had purchased them, for anything they would bring), and were fellow travellers to within a short distance

of New York. When Pogram was about to leave them he grew thoughtful, and after pondering for some time,

'It ain't that, sir,' returned Pogram, 'not at all. But I should wish you to accept a copy of My oration.'

'It ain't quite that, sir, neither,' resumed Pogram; 'air you bold enough to introduce a copy into your country?'

'No, sir,' retorted Pogram. 'Not A dozen. That is more than I require. If you are content to run the hazard, sir,

here is one for your Lord Chancellor,' producing it, 'and one for Your principal Secretary of State. I should

wish them to see it, sir, as expressing what my opinions air. That they may not plead ignorance at a future

'There is not the least danger, I assure you,' said Martin. So he put the pamphlets in his pocket, and they

Mr Bevan had written in his letter that, at a certain time, which fell out happily just then, he would be at a

certain hotel in the city, anxiously expecting to see them. To this place they repaired without a moment's

delay. They had the satisfaction of finding him within; and of being received by their good friend, with his

'I am truly sorry and ashamed,' said Martin, 'to have begged of you. But look at us. See what we are, and

'So far from claiming to have done you any service,' returned the other, 'I reproach myself with having been,

unwittingly, the original cause of your misfortunes. I no more supposed you would go to Eden on such

representations as you received; or, indeed, that you would do anything but be dispossessed, by the readiest

means, of your idea that fortunes were so easily made here; than I thought of going to Eden myself.'

'The fact is, I closed with the thing in a mad and sanguine manner,' said Martin, 'and the less said about it the

'Well! but he hadn't a voice in any other matter, had he?' returned Mr Bevan; laughing with an air that showed

'Not a very powerful one, I am afraid,' said Martin with a blush. 'But live and learn, Mr Bevan! Nearly die

'Oh, I think so,' returned Martin hastily, for he turned pale at the thought of any other suggestion. 'That is

'Unquestionably. For I don't know why you ever came here; though it's not such an unusual case, I am sorry

to say, that we need go any farther into that. You don't know that the ship in which you came over with our

This was tempting news, but tantalising too; for Martin knew that his getting any employment on board a

ship of that class was hopeless. The money in his pocket would not pay onefourth of the sum he had already

borrowed, and if it had been enough for their passagemoney, he could hardly have resolved to spend it. He

'Why, that's as wild as Eden every bit,' returned his friend. 'You must take your passage like a Christian; at

least, as like a Christian as a forecabin passenger can; and owe me a few more dollars than you intend. If

Mark will go down to the ship and see what passengers there are, and finds that you can go in her without

being actually suffocated, my advice is, go! You and I will look about us in the meantime (we won't call at

the Norris's unless you like), and we will all three dine together in the afternoon.'

Martin had nothing to express but gratitude, and so it was arranged. But he went out of the room after Mark,

and advised him to take their passage in the Screw, though they lay upon the bare deck; which Mr Tapley,

When he and Martin met again, and were alone, he was in high spirits, and evidently had something to

'And when I got on board, and the word was passed that it was me,' said Mark, 'the mate he comes and asks

me whether I'd engage to take this said cook's place upon the passage home. "For you're used to it," he says;

"you were always acooking for everybody on your passage out." And so I was,' said Mark, 'although I never

'Say!' cried Mark. 'That I'd take anything I could get. "If that's so," says the mate, "why, bring a glass of rum;"

which they brought according. And my wages, sir,' said Mark in high glee, 'pays your passage; and I've put

the rollingpin in your berth to take it (it's the easy one up in the corner); and there we are, Rule Britannia,

'There never was such a good fellow as you are!' cried Martin seizing him by the hand. 'But what do you

'Why, don't you see?' said Mark. 'We don't tell him, you know. We take his money, but we don't spend it, and

we don't keep it. What we do is, write him a little note, explaining this engagement, and roll it up, and leave it

Martin's delight in this idea was not inferior to Mark's. It was all done as he proposed. They passed a cheerful

evening; slept at the hotel; left the letter as arranged; and went off to the ship betimes next morning, with

'Goodbye! a hundred thousand times goodbye!' said Martin to their friend. 'How shall I remember all your

'If you ever become a rich man, or a powerful one,' returned his friend, 'you shall try to make your

Government more careful of its subjects when they roam abroad to live. Tell it what you know of emigration

in your own case, and impress upon it how much suffering may be prevented with a little pains!'

Cheerily, lads, cheerily! Anchor weighed. Ship in full sail. Her sturdy bowsprit pointing true to England.

'Why, I was athinking, sir,' returned Mark, 'that if I was a painter and was called upon to paint the American

'No,' said Mark. 'That wouldn't do for me, sir. I should want to draw it like a Bat, for its shortsightedness;

like a Bantam, for its bragging; like a Magpie, for its honesty; like a Peacock, for its vanity; like a ostrich, for

'And like a Phoenix, for its power of springing from the ashes of its faults and vices, and soaring up anew into

It was midday, and high water in the English port for which the Screw was bound, when, borne in gallantly

Bright as the scene was; fresh, and full of motion; airy, free, and sparkling; it was nothing to the life and

exultation in the breasts of the two travellers, at sight of the old churches, roofs, and darkened chimney stacks

of Home. The distant roar that swelled up hoarsely from the busy streets, was music in their ears; the lines of

people gazing from the wharves, were friends held dear; the canopy of smoke that overhung the town was

brighter and more beautiful to them than if the richest silks of Persia had been waving in the air. And though

the water going on its glistening track, turned, ever and again, aside to dance and sparkle round great ships,

and heave them up; and leaped from off the blades of oars, a shower of diving diamonds; and wantoned with

the idle boats, and swiftly passed, in many a sportive chase, through obdurate old iron rings, set deep into the

stonework of the quays; not even it was half so buoyant, and so restless, as their fluttering hearts, when

A year had passed since those same spires and roofs had faded from their eyes. It seemed to them, a dozen

years. Some trifling changes, here and there, they called to mind; and wondered that they were so few and

slight. In health and fortune, prospect and resource, they came back poorer men than they had gone away. But

it was home. And though home is a name, a word, it is a strong one; stronger than magician ever spoke, or

Being set ashore, with very little money in their pockets, and no definite plan of operation in their heads, they

sought out a cheap tavern, where they regaled upon a smoking steak, and certain flowing mugs of beer, as

only men just landed from the sea can revel in the generous dainties of the earth. When they had feasted, as

two gratefultempered giants might have done, they stirred the fire, drew back the glowing curtain from the

window, and making each a sofa for himself, by union of the great unwieldy chairs, gazed blissfully into the

Even the street was made a fairy street, by being half hidden in an atmosphere of steak, and strong, stout,

standup English beer. For on the windowglass hung such a mist, that Mr Tapley was obliged to rise and

wipe it with his handkerchief, before the passengers appeared like common mortals. And even then, a spiral

little cloud went curling up from their two glasses of hot grog, which nearly hid them from each other.

It was one of those unaccountable little rooms which are never seen anywhere but in a tavern, and are

supposed to have got into taverns by reason of the facilities afforded to the architect for getting drunk while

engaged in their construction. It had more corners in it than the brain of an obstinate man; was full of mad

closets, into which nothing could be put that was not specially invented and made for that purpose; had

mysterious shelvings and bulkheads, and indications of staircases in the ceiling; and was elaborately provided

with a bell that rung in the room itself, about two feet from the handle, and had no connection whatever with

any other part of the establishment. It was a little below the pavement, and abutted close upon it; so that

passengers grated against the window panes with their buttons, and scraped it with their baskets; and fearful

boys suddenly coming between a thoughtful guest and the light, derided him, or put out their tongues as if he

were a physician; or made white knobs on the ends of their noses by flattening the same against the glass, and

Martin and Mark sat looking at the people as they passed, debating every now and then what their first step

'Of course,' said Martin. 'But I don't know where she is. Not having had the heart to write in our

distressyou yourself thought silence most advisableand consequently, never having heard from her since

'My opinion is, sir,' returned Mark, 'that what we've got to do is to travel straight to the Dragon. There's no

need for you to go there, where you're known, unless you like. You may stop ten mile short of it. I'll go on.

Mrs Lupin will tell me all the news. Mr Pinch will give me every information that we want; and right glad Mr

Pinch will be to do it. My proposal is: To set off walking this afternoon. To stop when we are tired. To get a

'Unless we do it cheap, we shall have some difficulty in doing it at all,' said Martin, pulling out the bank, and

'The greater reason for losing no time, sir,' replied Mark. 'Whereas, when you've seen the young lady; and

know what state of mind the old gentleman's in, and all about it; then you'll know what to do next.'

They were raising their glasses to their lips, when their hands stopped midway, and their gaze was arrested by

a figure which slowly, very slowly, and reflectively, passed the window at that moment.

Mr Pecksniff. Placid, calm, but proud. Honestly proud. Dressed with peculiar care, smiling with even more

than usual blandness, pondering on the beauties of his art with a mild abstraction from all sordid thoughts,

and gently travelling across the disc, as if he were a figure in a magic lantern.

As Mr Pecksniff passed, a person coming in the opposite direction stopped to look after him with great

interest and respect, almost with veneration; and the landlord bouncing out of the house, as if he had seen him

too, joined this person, and spoke to him, and shook his head gravely, and looked after Mr Pecksniff likewise.

Martin and Mark sat staring at each other, as if they could not believe it; but there stood the landlord, and the

other man still. In spite of the indignation with which this glimpse of Mr Pecksniff had inspired him, Martin

Mr Tapley retired for that purpose, and immediately returned with their largeheaded host in safe convoy.

'Pray, landlord!' said Martin, 'who is that gentleman who passed just now, and whom you were looking after?'

The landlord poked the fire as if, in his desire to make the most of his answer, he had become indifferent even

to the price of coals; and putting his hands in his pockets, said, after inflating himself to give still further

'That, gentlemen, is the great Mr Pecksniff! The celebrated architect, gentlemen!'

He looked from one to the other while he said it, as if he were ready to assist the first man who might be

'The great Mr Pecksniff, the celebrated architect, gentlemen.' said the landlord, 'has come down here, to help

'The great Mr Pecksniff, the celebrated architect, gentlemen,' returned the landlord, who seemed to have an

unspeakable delight in the repetition of these words, 'carried off the First Premium, and will erect the

'Our member has come down express,' returned the landlord. 'No scrubs would do for no such a purpose.

Nothing less would satisfy our Directors than our member in the House of Commons, who is returned upon

It was quite clear the landlord didn't. They always told him at election time, that it was the Gentlemanly side,

'This day,' replied the landlord. Then pulling out his watch, he added, impressively, 'almost this minute.'

Martin hastily inquired whether there was any possibility of getting in to witness it; and finding that there

would be no objection to the admittance of any decent person, unless indeed the ground were full, hurried off

They were fortunate enough to squeeze themselves into a famous corner on the ground, where they could see

all that passed, without much dread of being beheld by Mr Pecksniff in return. They were not a minute too

soon, for as they were in the act of congratulating each other, a great noise was heard at some distance, and

everybody looked towards the gate. Several ladies prepared their pocket handkerchiefs for waving; and a

stray teacher belonging to the charity school being much cheered by mistake, was immensely groaned at

'It would be rather too much of a treat for him, wouldn't it, sir?' whispered Mr Tapley in return.

There was no time to discuss the probabilities either way, for the charity school, in clean linen, came filing in

two and two, so much to the selfapproval of all the people present who didn't subscribe to it, that many of

them shed tears. A band of music followed, led by a conscientious drummer who never left off. Then came a

great many gentlemen with wands in their hands, and bows on their breasts, whose share in the proceedings

did not appear to be distinctly laid down, and who trod upon each other, and blocked up the entry for a

considerable period. These were followed by the Mayor and Corporation, all clustering round the member for

the Gentlemanly Interest; who had the great Mr Pecksniff, the celebrated architect on his right hand, and

conversed with him familiarly as they came along. Then the ladies waved their handkerchiefs, and the

gentlemen their hats, and the charity children shrieked, and the member for the Gentlemanly Interest bowed.

Silence being restored, the member for the Gentlemanly Interest rubbed his hands, and wagged his head, and

looked about him pleasantly; and there was nothing this member did, at which some lady or other did not

burst into an ecstatic waving of her pocket handkerchief. When he looked up at the stone, they said how

graceful! when he peeped into the hole, they said how condescending! when he chatted with the Mayor, they

said how easy! when he folded his arms they cried with one accord, how statesmanlike!

Mr Pecksniff was observed too, closely. When he talked to the Mayor, they said, Oh, really, what a courtly

man he was! When he laid his hand upon the mason's shoulder, giving him directions, how pleasant his

demeanour to the working classes; just the sort of man who made their toil a pleasure to them, poor dear

But now a silver trowel was brought; and when the member for the Gentlemanly Interest, tucking up his

coatsleeve, did a little sleight of hand with the mortar, the air was rent, so loud was the applause. The

workmanlike manner in which he did it was amazing. No one could conceive where such a gentlemanly

When he had made a kind of dirtpie under the direction of the mason, they brought a little vase containing

coins, the which the member for the Gentlemanly Interest jingled, as if he were going to conjure. Whereat

they said how droll, how cheerful, what a flow of spirits! This put into its place, an ancient scholar read the

inscription, which was in Latin; not in English; that would never do. It gave great satisfaction; especially

every time there was a good long substantive in the third declension, ablative case, with an adjective to

match; at which periods the assembly became very tender, and were much affected.

And now the stone was lowered down into its place, amidst the shouting of the concourse. When it was

firmly fixed, the member for the Gentlemanly Interest struck upon it thrice with the handle of the trowel, as if

inquiring, with a touch of humour, whether anybody was at home. Mr Pecksniff then unrolled his Plans

(prodigious plans they were), and people gathered round to look at and admire them.

Martin, who had been fretting himselfquite unnecessarily, as Mark thoughtduring the whole of these

proceedings, could no longer restrain his impatience; but stepping forward among several others, looked

straight over the shoulder of the unconscious Mr Pecksniff, at the designs and plans he had unrolled. He

'My grammarschool. I invented it. I did it all. He has only put four windows in, the villain, and spoilt it!'

Mark could hardly believe it at first, but being assured that it was really so, actually held him to prevent his

interference foolishly, until his temporary heat was past. In the meantime, the member addressed the

He said that since he had sat in Parliament to represent the Gentlemanly Interest of that town; and he might

add, the Lady Interest, he hoped, besides (pocket handkerchiefs); it had been his pleasant duty to come

among them, and to raise his voice on their behalf in Another Place (pocket handkerchiefs and laughter),

often. But he had never come among them, and had never raised his voice, with half such pure, such deep,

such unalloyed delight, as now. 'The present occasion,' he said, 'will ever be memorable to me; not only for

the reasons I have assigned, but because it has afforded me an opportunity of becoming personally known to

Here he pointed the trowel at Mr Pecksniff, who was greeted with vociferous cheering, and laid his hand

'To a gentleman who, I am happy to believe, will reap both distinction and profit from this field; whose fame

had previously penetrated to meas to whose ears has it not!but whose intellectual countenance I never

had the distinguished honour to behold until this day, and whose intellectual conversation I had never before

'But I hope my Honourable Friend,' said the Gentlemanly memberof course he added "if he will allow me

to call him so," and of course Mr Pecksniff bowed'will give me many opportunities of cultivating the

knowledge of him; and that I may have the extraordinary gratification of reflecting in aftertime that I laid on

this day two first stones, both belonging to structures which shall last my life!'

Great cheering again. All this time, Martin was cursing Mr Pecksniff up hill and down dale.

'My friends!' said Mr Pecksniff, in reply. 'My duty is to build, not speak; to act, not talk; to deal with marble,

This address, pumped out apparently from Mr Pecksniff's very heart, brought the enthusiasm to its highest

pitch. The pocket handkerchiefs were waved again; the charity children were admonished to grow up

Pecksniffs, every boy among them; the Corporation, gentlemen with wands, member for the Gentlemanly

Interest, all cheered for Mr Pecksniff. Three cheers for Mr Pecksniff! Three more for Mr Pecksniff! Three

more for Mr Pecksniff, gentlemen, if you please! One more, gentlemen, for Mr Pecksniff, and let it be a good

In short, Mr Pecksniff was supposed to have done a great work and was very kindly, courteously, and

generously rewarded. When the procession moved away, and Martin and Mark were left almost alone upon

the ground, his merits and a desire to acknowledge them formed the common topic. He was only second to

'Lord bless you, sir!' cried Mark, 'what's the use? Some architects are clever at making foundations, and some

architects are clever at building on 'em when they're made. But it'll all come right in the end, sir; it'll all come

'In the meantime, as you say, sir, we have a deal to do, and far to go. So sharp's the word, and Jolly!'

'You are the best master in the world, Mark,' said Martin, 'and I will not be a bad scholar if I can help it, I am

Oh! What a different town Salisbury was in Tom Pinch's eyes to be sure, when the substantial Pecksniff of

his heart melted away into an idle dream! He possessed the same faith in the wonderful shops, the same

intensified appreciation of the mystery and wickedness of the place; made the same exalted estimate of its

wealth, population, and resources; and yet it was not the old city nor anything like it. He walked into the

market while they were getting breakfast ready for him at the Inn; and though it was the same market as of

old, crowded by the same buyers and sellers; brisk with the same business; noisy with the same confusion of

tongues and cluttering of fowls in coops; fair with the same display of rolls of butter, newly made, set forth in

linen cloths of dazzling whiteness; green with the same fresh show of dewy vegetables; dainty with the same

array in higglers' baskets of small shavingglasses, laces, braces, trouserstraps, and hardware; savoury with

the same unstinted show of delicate pigs' feet, and pies made precious by the pork that once had walked upon

them; still it was strangely changed to Tom. For, in the centre of the marketplace, he missed a statue he had

set up there as in all other places of his personal resort; and it looked cold and bare without that ornament.

The change lay no deeper than this, for Tom was far from being sage enough to know, that, having been

disappointed in one man, it would have been a strictly rational and eminently wise proceeding to have

revenged himself upon mankind in general, by mistrusting them one and all. Indeed this piece of justice,

though it is upheld by the authority of divers profound poets and honourable men, bears a nearer resemblance

to the justice of that good Vizier in the Thousandandone Nights, who issues orders for the destruction of

all the Porters in Bagdad because one of that unfortunate fraternity is supposed to have misconducted himself,

than to any logical, not to say Christian, system of conduct, known to the world in later times.

Tom had so long been used to steep the Pecksniff of his fancy in his tea, and spread him out upon his toast,

and take him as a relish with his beer, that he made but a poor breakfast on the first morning after his

expulsion. Nor did he much improve his appetite for dinner by seriously considering his own affairs, and

The organist's assistant gave it as his decided opinion that whatever Tom did, he must go to London; for there

was no place like it. Which may be true in the main, though hardly, perhaps, in itself, a sufficient reason for

But Tom had thought of London before, and had coupled with it thoughts of his sister, and of his old friend

John Westlock, whose advice he naturally felt disposed to seek in this important crisis of his fortunes. To

London, therefore, he resolved to go; and he went away to the coachoffice at once, to secure his place. The

coach being already full, he was obliged to postpone his departure until the next night; but even this

circumstance had its bright side as well as its dark one, for though it threatened to reduce his poor purse with

unexpected country charges, it afforded him an opportunity of writing to Mrs Lupin and appointing his box to

be brought to the old fingerpost at the old time; which would enable him to take that treasure with him to

the metropolis, and save the expense of its carriage. 'So,' said Tom, comforting himself, 'it's very nearly as

And it cannot be denied that, when he had made up his mind to even this extent, he felt an unaccustomed

sense of freedoma vague and indistinct impression of holidaymakingwhich was very luxurious. He

had his moments of depression and anxiety, and they were, with good reason, pretty numerous; but still, it

was wonderfully pleasant to reflect that he was his own master, and could plan and scheme for himself. It was

startling, thrilling, vast, difficult to understand; it was a stupendous truth, teeming with responsibility and

selfdistrust; but in spite of all his cares, it gave a curious relish to the viands at the Inn, and interposed a

dreamy haze between him and his prospects, in which they sometimes showed to magical advantage.

In this unsettled state of mind, Tom went once more to bed in the low fourposter, to the same immovable

surprise of the effigies of the former landlord and the fat ox; and in this condition, passed the whole of the

succeeding day. When the coach came round at last with 'London' blazoned in letters of gold upon the boot, it

gave Tom such a turn, that he was half disposed to run away. But he didn't do it; for he took his seat upon the

box instead, and looking down upon the four greys, felt as if he were another grey himself, or, at all events, a

part of the turnout; and was quite confused by the novelty and splendour of his situation.

And really it might have confused a less modest man than Tom to find himself sitting next that coachman; for

of all the swells that ever flourished a whip professionally, he might have been elected emperor. He didn't

handle his gloves like another man, but put them oneven when he was standing on the pavement, quite

detached from the coachas if the four greys were, somehow or other, at the ends of the fingers. It was the

same with his hat. He did things with his hat, which nothing but an unlimited knowledge of horses and the

wildest freedom of the road, could ever have made him perfect in. Valuable little parcels were brought to him

with particular instructions, and he pitched them into this hat, and stuck it on again; as if the laws of gravity

did not admit of such an event as its being knocked off or blown off, and nothing like an accident could befall

it. The guard, too! Seventy breezy miles a day were written in his very whiskers. His manners were a canter;

his conversation a round trot. He was a fast coach upon a downhill turnpike road; he was all pace. A

waggon couldn't have moved slowly, with that guard and his keybugle on the top of it.

These were all foreshadowings of London, Tom thought, as he sat upon the box, and looked about him. Such

a coachman, and such a guard, never could have existed between Salisbury and any other place. The coach

was none of your steadygoing, yokel coaches, but a swaggering, rakish, dissipated London coach; up all

night, and lying by all day, and leading a devil of a life. It cared no more for Salisbury than if it had been a

hamlet. It rattled noisily through the best streets, defied the Cathedral, took the worst corners sharpest, went

cutting in everywhere, making everything get out of its way; and spun along the open countryroad, blowing

It was a charming evening. Mild and bright. And even with the weight upon his mind which arose out of the

immensity and uncertainty of London, Tom could not resist the captivating sense of rapid motion through the

pleasant air. The four greys skimmed along, as if they liked it quite as well as Tom did; the bugle was in as

high spirits as the greys; the coachman chimed in sometimes with his voice; the wheels hummed cheerfully in

unison; the brass work on the harness was an orchestra of little bells; and thus, as they went clinking, jingling,

rattling smoothly on, the whole concern, from the buckles of the leaders' couplingreins to the handle of the

Yoho, past hedges, gates, and trees; past cottages and barns, and people going home from work. Yoho, past

donkeychaises, drawn aside into the ditch, and empty carts with rampant horses, whipped up at a bound

upon the little watercourse, and held by struggling carters close to the fivebarred gate, until the coach had

passed the narrow turning in the road. Yoho, by churches dropped down by themselves in quiet nooks, with

rustic burialgrounds about them, where the graves are green, and daisies sleepfor it is eveningon the

bosoms of the dead. Yoho, past streams, in which the cattle cool their feet, and where the rushes grow; past

paddockfences, farms, and rickyards; past last year's stacks, cut, slice by slice, away, and showing, in the

waning light, like ruined gables, old and brown. Yoho, down the pebbly dip, and through the merry

Was the box there, when they came up to the old fingerpost? The box! Was Mrs Lupin herself? Had she

turned out magnificently as a hostess should, in her own chaisecart, and was she sitting in a mahogany

chair, driving her own horse Dragon (who ought to have been called Dumpling), and looking lovely? Did the

stagecoach pull up beside her, shaving her very wheel, and even while the guard helped her man up with the

trunk, did he send the glad echoes of his bugle careering down the chimneys of the distant Pecksniff, as if the

'This is kind indeed!' said Tom, bending down to shake hands with her. 'I didn't mean to give you this

'Well! It's a pleasure to you, I know,' said Tom, squeezing her hand heartily. 'Is there any news?'

'Say you saw me,' said Tom, 'and that I was very bold and cheerful, and not a bit downhearted; and that I

entreated her to be the same, for all is certain to come right at last. Goodbye!'

'When I get settled!' cried Tom, with an involuntary opening of his eyes. 'Oh, yes, I'll write when I get settled.

Perhaps I had better write before, because I may find that it takes a little time to settle myself; not having too

much money, and having only one friend. I shall give your love to the friend, by the way. You were always

'Goodbye!' said Mrs Lupin, hastily producing a basket with a long bottle sticking out of it. 'Take this.

'Do you want me to carry it to London for you?' cried Tom. She was already turning the chaisecart round.

'No, no,' said Mrs Lupin. 'It's only a little something for refreshment on the road. Sit fast, Jack. Drive on, sir.

She was a quarter of a mile off, before Tom collected himself; and then he was waving his hand lustily; and

'And that's the last of the old fingerpost,' thought Tom, straining his eyes, 'where I have so often stood to see

this very coach go by, and where I have parted with so many companions! I used to compare this coach to

some great monster that appeared at certain times to bear my friends away into the world. And now it's

It made Tom melancholy to picture himself walking up the lane and back to Pecksniff's as of old; and being

melancholy, he looked downwards at the basket on his knee, which he had for the moment forgotten.

'She is the kindest and most considerate creature in the world,' thought Tom. 'Now I KNOW that she

particularly told that man of hers not to look at me, on purpose to prevent my throwing him a shilling! I had it

ready for him all the time, and he never once looked towards me; whereas that man naturally, (for I know him

very well,) would have done nothing but grin and stare. Upon my word, the kindness of people perfectly

Here he caught the coachman's eye. The coachman winked. 'Remarkable fine woman for her time of life,'

This was a matter of taste, which Tom did not feel himself called upon to discuss.

'You'll seldom find 'em possessing correct opinions about refreshment, for instance, when they're too young,

you know,' said the coachman; 'a woman must have arrived at maturity, before her mind's equal to coming

As the coachman only laughed, and as Tom was curious himself, he unpacked it, and put the articles, one by

one, upon the footboard. A cold roast fowl, a packet of ham in slices, a crusty loaf, a piece of cheese, a paper

of biscuits, half a dozen apples, a knife, some butter, a screw of salt, and a bottle of old sherry. There was a

The coachman was so earnest in his approval of Mrs Lupin's provident habits, and congratulated Torn so

warmly on his good fortune, that Tom felt it necessary, for the lady's sake, to explain that the basket was a

strictly Platonic basket, and had merely been presented to him in the way of friendship. When he had made

the statement with perfect gravity; for he felt it incumbent on him to disabuse the mind of this lax rover of

any incorrect impressions on the subject; he signified that he would be happy to share the gifts with him, and

proposed that they should attack the basket in a spirit of good fellowship at any time in the course of the night

which the coachman's experience and knowledge of the road might suggest, as being best adapted to the

purpose. From this time they chatted so pleasantly together, that although Tom knew infinitely more of

unicorns than horses, the coachman informed his friend the guard at the end of the next stage, 'that rum as the

boxseat looked, he was as good a one to go, in pint of conversation, as ever he'd wish to sit by.'

Yoho, among the gathering shades; making of no account the deep reflections of the trees, but scampering on

through light and darkness, all the same, as if the light of London fifty miles away, were quite enough to

travel by, and some to spare. Yoho, beside the village green, where cricketplayers linger yet, and every little

indentation made in the fresh grass by bat or wicket, ball or player's foot, sheds out its perfume on the night.

Away with four fresh horses from the Baldfaced Stag, where topers congregate about the door admiring;

and the last team with traces hanging loose, go roaming off towards the pond, until observed and shouted

after by a dozen throats, while volunteering boys pursue them. Now, with a clattering of hoofs and striking

out of fiery sparks, across the old stone bridge, and down again into the shadowy road, and through the open

Yoho, behind there, stop that bugle for a moment! Come creeping over to the front, along the coachroof,

guard, and make one at this basket! Not that we slacken in our pace the while, not we; we rather put the bits

of blood upon their metal, for the greater glory of the snack. Ah! It is long since this bottle of old wine was

brought into contact with the mellow breath of night, you may depend, and rare good stuff it is to wet a

bugler's whistle with. Only try it. Don't be afraid of turning up your finger, Bill, another pull! Now, take your

breath, and try the bugle, Bill. There's music! There's a tone!' over the hills and far away,' indeed. Yoho! The

See the bright moon! High up before we know it; making the earth reflect the objects on its breast like water.

Hedges, trees, low cottages, church steeples, blighted stumps and flourishing young slips, have all grown vain

upon the sudden, and mean to contemplate their own fair images till morning. The poplars yonder rustle that

their quivering leaves may see themselves upon the ground. Not so the oak; trembling does not become HIM;

and he watches himself in his stout old burly steadfastness, without the motion of a twig. The mossgrown

gate, illpoised upon its creaking hinges, crippled and decayed swings to and fro before its glass, like some

fantastic dowager; while our own ghostly likeness travels on, Yoho! Yoho! through ditch and brake, upon the

ploughed land and the smooth, along the steep hillside and steeper wall, as if it were a phantom Hunter.

Clouds too! And a mist upon the Hollow! Not a dull fog that hides it, but a light airy gauzelike mist, which

in our eyes of modest admiration gives a new charm to the beauties it is spread before; as real gauze has done

ere now, and would again, so please you, though we were the Pope. Yoho! Why now we travel like the Moon

herself. Hiding this minute in a grove of trees; next minute in a patch of vapour; emerging now upon our

broad clear course; withdrawing now, but always dashing on, our journey is a counterpart of hers. Yoho! A

The beauty of the night is hardly felt, when Day comes rushing up. Yoho! Two stages, and the country roads

are almost changed to a continuous street. Yoho, past marketgardens, rows of houses, villas, crescents,

terraces, and squares; past waggons, coaches, carts; past early workmen, late stragglers, drunken men, and

sober carriers of loads; past brick and mortar in its every shape; and in among the rattling pavements, where a

jauntyseat upon a coach is not so easy to preserve! Yoho, down countless turnings, and through countless

mazy ways, until an old Innyard is gained, and Tom Pinch, getting down quite stunned and giddy, is in

'Five minutes before the time, too!' said the driver, as he received his fee of Tom.

'Upon my word,' said Tom, 'I should not have minded very much, if we had been five hours after it; for at this

His mind was so clearly running on the assumption of Tom's having come to town to see an extensive circle

of anxious relations and friends, that it would have been pretty hard work to undeceive him. Tom did not try.

He cheerfully evaded the subject, and going into the Inn, fell fast asleep before a fire in one of the public

rooms opening from the yard. When he awoke, the people in the house were all astir, so he washed and

dressed himself; to his great refreshment after the journey; and, it being by that time eight o'clock, went forth

John Westlock lived in Furnival's Inn, High Holborn, which was within a quarter of an hour's walk of Tom's

startingpoint, but seemed a long way off, by reason of his going two or three miles out of the straight road to

make a short cut. When at last he arrived outside John's door, two stories up, he stood faltering with his hand

upon the knocker, and trembled from head to foot. For he was rendered very nervous by the thought of

having to relate what had fallen out between himself and Pecksniff; and he had a misgiving that John would

'But it must be made,' thought Tom, 'sooner or later; and I had better get it over.'

'I am afraid that's not a London knock,' thought Tom. 'It didn't sound bold. Perhaps that's the reason why

It is quite certain that nobody came, and that Tom stood looking at the knocker; wondering whereabouts in

the neighbourhood a certain gentleman resided, who was roaring out to somebody 'Come in!' with all his

'Bless my soul!' thought Tom at last. 'Perhaps he lives here, and is calling to me. I never thought of that. Can I

To be sure he could, by turning the handle; and to be sure when he did turn it the same voice came rushing

out, crying 'Why don't you come in? Come in, do you hear? What are you standing there for?' quite

Tom stepped from the little passage into the room from which these sounds proceeded, and had barely caught

a glimpse of a gentleman in a dressinggown and slippers (with his boots beside him ready to put on), sitting

at his breakfast with a newspaper in his hand, when the said gentleman, at the imminent hazard of oversetting

'How glad I am to see you, Mr Westlock!' said Tom Pinch, shaking both his hands, and trembling more than

'Mr Westlock!' repeated John, 'what do you mean by that, Pinch? You have not forgotten my Christian name,

'No, John, no. I have not forgotten,' said Thomas Pinch. 'Good gracious me, how kind you are!'

'I never saw such a fellow in all my life!' cried John. 'What do you mean by saying THAT over and over

again? What did you expect me to be, I wonder! Here, sit down, Tom, and be a reasonable creature. How are

'It's mutual, of course,' returned John. 'It always was, I hope. If I had known you had been coming, Tom, I

would have had something for breakfast. I would rather have such a surprise than the best breakfast in the

world, myself; but yours is another case, and I have no doubt you are as hungry as a hunter. You must make

out as well as you can, Tom, and we'll recompense ourselves at dinnertime. You take sugar, I know; I

recollect the sugar at Pecksniff's. Ha, ha, ha! How IS Pecksniff? When did you come to town? DO begin at

something or other, Tom. There are only scraps here, but they are not at all bad. Boar's Head potted. Try it,

Tom. Make a beginning whatever you do. What an old Blade you are! I am delighted to see you.'

While he delivered himself of these words in a state of great commotion, John was constantly running

backwards and forwards to and from the closet, bringing out all sorts of things in pots, scooping extraordinary

quantities of tea out of the caddy, dropping French rolls into his boots, pouring hot water over the butter, and

making a variety of similar mistakes without disconcerting himself in the least.

'There!' said John, sitting down for the fiftieth time, and instantly starting up again to make some other

addition to the breakfast. 'Now we are as well off as we are likely to be till dinner. And now let us have the

'I don't know how he is,' said Thomas Pinch; 'and, saving that I wish him no ill, I don't care. I have left him,

'Why, no, for he dismissed me. But I had first found out that I was mistaken in him; and I could not have

remained with him under any circumstances. I grieve to say that you were right in your estimate of his

character. It may be a ridiculous weakness, John, but it has been very painful and bitter to me to find this out,

Tom had no need to direct that appealing look towards his friend, in mild and gentle deprecation of his

answering with a laugh. John Westlock would as soon have thought of striking him down upon the floor.

'It was all a dream of mine,' said Tom, 'and it is over. I'll tell you how it happened, at some other time. Bear

'I swear to you, Tom,' returned his friend, with great earnestness of manner, after remaining silent for a few

moments, 'that when I see, as I do now, how deeply you feel this, I don't know whether to be glad or sorry

that you have made the discovery at last. I reproach myself with the thought that I ever jested on the subject; I

'My dear friend,' said Tom, extending his hand, 'it is very generous and gallant in you to receive me and my

disclosure in this spirit; it makes me blush to think that I should have felt a moment's uneasiness as I came

along. You can't think what a weight is lifted off my mind,' said Tom, taking up his knife and fork again, and

The host, thus reminded of his duties, instantly betook himself to piling up all kinds of irreconcilable and

contradictory viands in Tom's plate, and a very capital breakfast Tom made, and very much the better for it

'That's all right,' said John, after contemplating his visitor's proceedings with infinite satisfaction. 'Now, about

'Never mind what you didn't intend,' John Westlock interposed. 'What you DID intend is more to the purpose.

'Yes,' rejoined Tom, smiling, 'if it were good advice, which, being yours, I have no doubt it will be.'

'Very well. Then don't be an obstinate old humbug in the outset, Tom, or I shall shut up shop and dispense

none of that invaluable commodity. You are on a visit to me. I wish I had an organ for you, Tom!'

'So do the gentlemen downstairs, and the gentlemen overhead I have no doubt,' was Tom's reply.

'Let me see. In the first place, you will wish to see your sister this morning,' pursued his friend, 'and of course

you will like to go there alone. I'll walk part of the way with you; and see about a little business of my own,

and meet you here again in the afternoon. Put that in your pocket, Tom. It's only the key of the door. If you

'Why, there are two keys,' interposed John Westlock. 'I can't open the door with them both at once, can I?

What a ridiculous fellow you are, Tom? Nothing particular you'd like for dinner, is there?'

'Very well, then you may as well leave it to me. Have a glass of cherry brandy, Tom?'

'Not a drop! What remarkable chambers these are!' said Pinch 'there's everything in 'em!'

'Bless your soul, Tom, nothing but a few little bachelor contrivances! the sort of impromptu arrangements

that might have suggested themselves to Philip Quarll or Robinson Crusoe, that's all. What do you say? Shall

Accordingly John Westlock took the French rolls out of his boots, and put his boots on, and dressed himself;

giving Tom the paper to read in the meanwhile. When he returned, equipped for walking, he found Tom in a

'No,' said Mr Pinch, 'No. I have been looking over the advertising sheet, thinking there might be something in

it which would be likely to suit me. But, as I often think, the strange thing seems to be that nobody is suited.

Here are all kinds of employers wanting all sorts of servants, and all sorts of servants wanting all kinds of

employers, and they never seem to come together. Here is a gentleman in a public office in a position of

temporary difficulty, who wants to borrow five hundred pounds; and in the very next advertisement here is

another gentleman who has got exactly that sum to lend. But he'll never lend it to him, John, you'll find! Here

is a lady possessing a moderate independence, who wants to board and lodge with a quiet, cheerful family;

and here is a family describing themselves in those very words, "a quiet, cheerful family," who want exactly

such a lady to come and live with them. But she'll never go, John! Neither do any of these single gentlemen

who want an airy bedroom, with the occasional use of a parlour, ever appear to come to terms with these

other people who live in a rural situation remarkable for its bracing atmosphere, within five minutes' walk of

the Royal Exchange. Even those letters of the alphabet who are always running away from their friends and

being entreated at the tops of columns to come back, never DO come back, if we may judge from the number

of times they are asked to do it and don't. It really seems,' said Tom, relinquishing the paper with a thoughtful

sigh, 'as if people had the same gratification in printing their complaints as in making them known by word of

mouth; as if they found it a comfort and consolation to proclaim "I want such and such a thing, and I can't get

John Westlock laughed at the idea, and they went out together. So many years had passed since Tom was last

in London, and he had known so little of it then, that his interest in all he saw was very great. He was

particularly anxious, among other notorious localities, to have those streets pointed out to him which were

appropriated to the slaughter of countrymen; and was quite disappointed to find, after halfanhour's

walking, that he hadn't had his pocket picked. But on John Westlock's inventing a pickpocket for his

gratification, and pointing out a highly respectable stranger as one of that fraternity, he was much delighted.

His friend accompanied him to within a short distance of Camberwell and having put him beyond the

possibility of mistaking the wealthy brassandcopper founder's, left him to make his visit. Arriving before

At the same time he looked at Tom from head to foot, as if he would have said, 'You are a nice man, YOU

'Do you think you could have the goodness to ascertain?' said Tom. He had quite a delicacy in offering the

suggestion, for the possibility of such a step did not appear to present itself to the porter's mind at all.

The fact was that the porter in answering the gatebell had, according to usage, rung the housebell (for it is

as well to do these things in the Baronial style while you are about it), and that there the functions of his

office had ceased. Being hired to open and shut the gate, and not to explain himself to strangers, he left this

little incident to be developed by the footman with the tags, who, at this juncture, called out from the door

'Oh!' said Tom, hurrying towards him. 'I didn't observe that there was anybody else. Pray is Miss Pinch at

'She's IN,' replied the footman. As much as to say to Tom: 'But if you think she has anything to do with the

The footman, being a lively young man, happened to have his attention caught at that moment by the flight of

a pigeon, in which he took so warm an interest that his gaze was rivetted on the bird until it was quite out of

It was a good thought; because without providing the stranger, in case he should happen to be of a warm

temper, with a sufficient excuse for knocking him down, it implied this young man's estimate of his quality,

and relieved his breast of the oppressive burden of rating him in secret as a nameless and obscure individual.

'Brother,' repeated Tom, slightly raising his voice. 'And if you will say, in the first instance, a gentleman, and

then say her brother, I shall be obliged to you, as she does not expect me or know I am in London, and I do

The young man's interest in Tom's observations had ceased long before this time, but he kindly waited until

'Dear me!' said Tom. 'This is very disrespectful and uncivil behaviour. I hope these are new servants here, and

His cogitations were interrupted by the sound of voices in the adjoining room. They seemed to be engaged in

high dispute, or in indignant reprimand of some offender; and gathering strength occasionally, broke out into

a perfect whirlwind. It was in one of these gusts, as it appeared to Tom, that the footman announced him; for

an abrupt and unnatural calm took place, and then a dead silence. He was standing before the window,

wondering what domestic quarrel might have caused these sounds, and hoping Ruth had nothing to do with it,

'Why, bless my soul!' said Tom, looking at her with great pride, when they had tenderly embraced each other,

'how altered you are Ruth! I should scarcely have known you, my love, if I had seen you anywhere else, I

declare! You are so improved,' said Tom, with inexpressible delight; 'you are so womanly; you are

'Oh, but everybody must think so, you know,' said Tom, gently smoothing down her hair. 'It's matter of fact;

not opinion. But what's the matter?' said Tom, looking at her more intently, 'how flushed you are! and you

'Nonsense,' said her brother stoutly. 'That's a story. Don't tell me! I know better. What is it, dear? I'm not with

Mr Pecksniff now. I am going to try and settle myself in London; and if you are not happy here (as I very

much fear you are not, for I begin to think you have been deceiving me with the kindest and most affectionate

Oh! Tom's blood was rising; mind that! Perhaps the Boar's Head had something to do with it, but certainly

the footman had. So had the sight of his pretty sistera great deal to do with it. Tom could bear a good deal

himself, but he was proud of her, and pride is a sensitive thing. He began to think, 'there are more Pecksniffs

than one, perhaps,' and by all the pins and needles that run up and down in angry veins, Tom was in a most

'We will talk about it, Tom,' said Ruth, giving him another kiss to pacify him. 'I am afraid I cannot stay here.'

'Cannot!' replied Tom. 'Why then, you shall not, my love. Heyday! You are not an object of charity! Upon my

Tom was stopped in these exclamations by the footman, who brought a message from his master, importing

Accordingly they entered the adjoining room from which the noise of altercation had proceeded; and there

they found a middleaged gentleman, with a pompous voice and manner, and a middleaged lady, with what

may be termed an excisable face, or one in which starch and vinegar were decidedly employed. There was

likewise present that eldest pupil of Miss Pinch, whom Mrs Todgers, on a previous occasion, had called a

'Oh!' cried the gentleman, surveying Tom attentively. 'You really are Miss Pinch's brother, I presume? You

'Miss Pinch is always talking about her brother, when she ought to be engaged upon my education,' sobbed

'Sophia! Hold your tongue!' observed the gentleman. 'Sit down, if you please,' addressing Tom.

'Remain here, if you please, Miss Pinch,' pursued the gentleman, looking slightly over his shoulder.

Tom interrupted him here, by rising to place a chair for his sister. Having done which he sat down again.

'I am glad you chance to have called to see your sister today, sir,' resumed the brassandcopper founder.

'For although I do not approve, as a principle, of any young person engaged in my family in the capacity of a

governess, receiving visitors, it happens in this case to be well timed. I am sorry to inform you that we are not

'I'd never say another lesson to Miss Pinch if I was to be beat to death for it!' sobbed the pupil.

'Will you allow me to inquire what your ground of dissatisfaction is?' asked Tom.

'Yes,' said the gentleman, 'I will. I don't recognize it as a right; but I will. Your sister has not the slightest

innate power of commanding respect. It has been a constant source of difference between us. Although she

has been in this family for some time, and although the young lady who is now present has almost, as it were,

grown up under her tuition, that young lady has no respect for her. Miss Pinch has been perfectly unable to

command my daughter's respect, or to win my daughter's confidence. Now,' said the gentleman, allowing the

palm of his hand to fall gravely down upon the table: 'I maintain that there is something radically wrong in

'I beg your pardon, sir,' said Tom. 'I am not at all disposed to deny it. I am sure that there is something

'Good Heavens!' cried the gentleman, looking round the room with dignity, 'what do I find to be the case!

what results obtrude themselves upon me as flowing from this weakness of character on the part of Miss

Pinch! What are my feelings as a father, when, after my desire (repeatedly expressed to Miss Pinch, as I think

she will not venture to deny) that my daughter should be choice in her expressions, genteel in her deportment,

as becomes her station in life, and politely distant to her inferiors in society, I find her, only this very

'Which is worse,' said the gentleman, triumphantly; 'which is worse. A beggarly thing. A low, coarse,

'Most despicable,' cried Tom. 'I am glad to find that there is a just appreciation of it here.'

'So just, sir,' said the gentleman, lowering his voice to be the more impressive. 'So just, that, but for my

knowing Miss Pinch to be an unprotected young person, an orphan, and without friends, I would, as I assured

Miss Pinch, upon my veracity and personal character, a few minutes ago, I would have severed the

'Bless my soul, sir!' cried Tom, rising from his seat; for he was now unable to contain himself any longer;

'don't allow such considerations as those to influence you, pray. They don't exist, sir. She is not unprotected.

'Oh, a pretty family!' cried the lady. 'Oh, he's her brother! There's no doubt about that!'

'As little doubt, madam,' said Tom, 'as that the young lady yonder is the child of your teaching, and not my

'When you say, young man,' interposed the brassandcopper founder, haughtily, 'with that impertinence

which is natural to you, and which I therefore do not condescend to notice further, that the young lady, my

eldest daughter, has been educated by any one but Miss Pinch, youI needn't proceed. You comprehend me

'Sir!' cried Tom, after regarding him in silence for some little time. 'If you do not understand what I mean, I

will tell you. If you do understand what I mean, I beg you not to repeat that mode of expressing yourself in

answer to it. My meaning is, that no man can expect his children to respect what he degrades.'

'The common story, sir!' said Tom; 'the story of a common mind. Your governess cannot win the confidence

and respect of your children, forsooth! Let her begin by winning yours, and see what happens then.'

'I trust she is,' said Tom, forestalling the reply. 'I have no doubt she is. In the meantime I address myself to

you, sir. You made your statement to me, sir; you required to see me for that purpose; and I have a right to

answer it. I am not loud or turbulent,' said Tom, which was quite true, 'though I can scarcely say as much for

you, in your manner of addressing yourself to me. And I wish, on my sister's behalf, to state the simple truth.'

'You may state anything you like, young man,' returned the gentleman, affecting to yawn. 'My dear, Miss

'When you tell me,' resumed Tom, who was not the less indignant for keeping himself quiet, 'that my sister

has no innate power of commanding the respect of your children, I must tell you it is not so; and that she has.

She is as well bred, as well taught, as well qualified by nature to command respect, as any hirer of a

governess you know. But when you place her at a disadvantage in reference to every servant in your house,

how can you suppose, if you have the gift of common sense, that she is not in a tenfold worse position in

'It is very ill, sir,' said Tom. 'It is very bad and mean, and wrong and cruel. Respect! I believe young people

are quick enough to observe and imitate; and why or how should they respect whom no one else respects, and

everybody slights? And very partial they must growoh, very partial!to their studies, when they see to

what a pass proficiency in those same tasks has brought their governess! Respect! Put anything the most

deserving of respect before your daughters in the light in which you place her, and you will bring it down as

'I speak without passion, but with extreme indignation and contempt for such a course of treatment, and for

all who practice it,' said Tom. 'Why, how can you, as an honest gentleman, profess displeasure or surprise at

your daughter telling my sister she is something beggarly and humble, when you are for ever telling her the

same thing yourself in fifty plain, outspeaking ways, though not in words; and when your very porter and

footman make the same delicate announcement to all comers? As to your suspicion and distrust of her; even

'Distinctly not,' Tom answered. 'If you imagine that the payment of an annual sum of money gives it to you,

you immensely exaggerate its power and value. Your money is the least part of your bargain in such a case.

You may be punctual in that to half a second on the clock, and yet be Bankrupt. I have nothing more to say,'

said Tom, much flushed and flustered, now that it was over, 'except to crave permission to stand in your

Before he had well begun to cool, his sister joined him. She was crying; and Tom could not bear that any one

'But you ought to be glad on my account,' said Tom. 'I shall be twice as happy with you for a companion.

Hold up your head. There! Now we go out as we ought. Not blustering, you know, but firm and confident in

The idea of Tom and his sister blustering, under any circumstances, was a splendid absurdity. But Tom was

very far from feeling it to be so, in his excitement; and passed out at the gate with such severe determination

It was not until they had walked some short distance, and Tom found himself getting cooler and more

collected, that he was quite restored to himself by an inquiry from his sister, who said in her pleasant little

'Don't youdon't you live anywhere, dear?' asked Tom's sister looking wistfully in his face.

'No,' said Tom. 'Not at present. Not exactly. I only arrived this morning. We must have some lodgings.'

He didn't tell her that he had been going to stay with his friend John, and could on no account think of

billeting two inmates upon him, of whom one was a young lady; for he knew that would make her

uncomfortable, and would cause her to regard herself as being an inconvenience to him. Neither did he like to

leave her anywhere while he called on John, and told him of this change in his arrangements; for he was

delicate of seeming to encroach upon the generous and hospitable nature of his friend. Therefore he said

again, 'We must have some lodgings, of course;' and said it as stoutly as if he had been a perfect Directory

Tom's sister was not much wiser on such a topic than he was. So she squeezed her little purse into his

coatpocket, and folding the little hand with which she did so on the other little hand with which she clasped

'It ought to be a cheap neighbourhood,' said Tom, 'and not too far from London. Let me see. Should you think

'It used to be called Merry Islington, once upon a time,' said Tom. 'Perhaps it's merry now; if so, it's all the

'Of course, if it's not too dear,' assented Tom. 'Well, where IS Islington? We can't do better than go there, I

Tom's sister would have gone anywhere with him; so they walked off, arm in arm, as comfortably as

possible. Finding, presently, that Islington was not in that neighbourhood, Tom made inquiries respecting a

public conveyance thither; which they soon obtained. As they rode along they were very full of conversation

indeed, Tom relating what had happened to him, and Tom's sister relating what had happened to her, and both

finding a great deal more to say than time to say it in; for they had only just begun to talk, in comparison with

'Now,' said Tom, 'we must first look out for some very unpretending streets, and then look out for bills in the

So they walked off again, quite as happily as if they had just stepped out of a snug little house of their own, to

look for lodgings on account of somebody else. Tom's simplicity was unabated, Heaven knows; but now that

he had somebody to rely upon him, he was stimulated to rely a little more upon himself, and was, in his own

After roaming up and down for hours, looking at some scores of lodgings, they began to find it rather

fatiguing, especially as they saw none which were at all adapted to their purpose. At length, however, in a

singular little oldfashioned house, up a blind street, they discovered two small bedrooms and a triangular

parlour, which promised to suit them well enough. Their desiring to take possession immediately was a

suspicious circumstance, but even this was surmounted by the payment of their first week's rent, and a

Ah! It was a goodly sight, when this important point was settled, to behold Tom and his sister trotting round

to the baker's, and the butcher's, and the grocer's, with a kind of dreadful delight in the unaccustomed cares of

housekeeping; taking secret counsel together as they gave their small orders, and distracted by the least

suggestion on the part of the shopkeeper! When they got back to the triangular parlour, and Tom's sister,

bustling to and fro, busy about a thousand pleasant nothings, stopped every now and then to give old Tom a

It was late in the afternoon now, though, and high time for Tom to keep his appointment. So, after agreeing

with his sister that in consideration of not having dined, they would venture on the extravagance of chops for

supper at nine, he walked out again to narrate these marvellous occurrences to John.

'I am quite a family man all at once,' thought Tom. 'If I can only get something to do, how comfortable Ruth

and I may be! Ah, that if! But it's of no use to despond. I can but do that, when I have tried everything and

failed; and even then it won't serve me much. Upon my word,' thought Tom, quickening his pace, 'I don't

know what John will think has become of me. He'll begin to be afraid I have strayed into one of those streets

where the countrymen are murdered; and that I have been made meat pies of, or some such horrible thing.'

Tom's evil genius did not lead him into the dens of any of those preparers of cannibalic pastry, who are

represented in many standard country legends as doing a lively retail business in the Metropolis; nor did it

mark him out as the prey of ringdroppers, pea and thimbleriggers, duffers, touters, or any of those

bloodless sharpers, who are, perhaps, a little better known to the Police. He fell into conversation with no

gentleman who took him into a public house, where there happened to be another gentleman who swore he

had more money than any gentleman, and very soon proved he had more money than one gentleman by

taking his away from him; neither did he fall into any other of the numerous mantraps which are set up

without notice, in the public grounds of this city. But he lost his way. He very soon did that; and in trying to

Now, Tom, in his guileless distrust of London, thought himself very knowing in coming to the determination

that he would not ask to be directed to Furnival's Inn, if he could help it; unless, indeed, he should happen to

find himself near the Mint, or the Bank of England; in which case he would step in, and ask a civil question

or two, confiding in the perfect respectability of the concern. So on he went, looking up all the streets he

came near, and going up half of them; and thus, by dint of not being true to Goswell Street, and filing off into

Aldermanbury, and bewildering himself in Barbican, and being constant to the wrong point of the compass in

London Wall, and then getting himself crosswise into Thames Street, by an instinct that would have been

marvellous if he had had the least desire or reason to go there, he found himself, at last, hard by the

The Man in the Monument was quite as mysterious a being to Tom as the Man in the Moon. It immediately

occurred to him that the lonely creature who held himself aloof from all mankind in that pillar like some old

hermit was the very man of whom to ask his way. Cold, he might be; little sympathy he had, perhaps, with

human passionthe column seemed too tall for that; but if Truth didn't live in the base of the Monument,

notwithstanding Pope's couplet about the outside of it, where in London (thought Tom) was she likely to be

Coming close below the pillar, it was a great encouragement to Tom to find that the Man in the Monument

had simple tastes; that stony and artificial as his residence was, he still preserved some rustic recollections;

that he liked plants, hung up birdcages, was not wholly cut off from fresh groundsel, and kept young trees in

tubs. The Man in the Monument, himself, was sitting outside the doorhis own door: the Monumentdoor:

what a grand idea!and was actually yawning, as if there were no Monument to stop his mouth, and give

Tom was advancing towards this remarkable creature, to inquire the way to Furnival's Inn, when two people

came to see the Monument. They were a gentleman and a lady; and the gentleman said, 'How much apiece?'

The gentleman put a shilling into his hand, and the Man in the Monument opened a dark little door. When the

gentleman and lady had passed out of view, he shut it again, and came slowly back to his chair.

'They don't know what a many steps there is!' he said. 'It's worth twice the money to stop here. Oh, my eye!'

The Man in the Monument was a Cynic; a worldly man! Tom couldn't ask his way of HIM. He was prepared

'My gracious!' cried a wellknown voice behind Mr Pinch. 'Why, to be sure it is!'

At the same time he was poked in the back by a parasol. Turning round to inquire into this salute, he beheld

'I hope you have run away,' said Charity. 'It would be quite spirited and proper if you had, when my Papa so

'I have left him,' returned Tom. 'But it was perfectly understood on both sides. It was not done clandestinely.'

'No, not yet,' said Tom, colouring; 'to tell you the truth, I don't think he is likely to be, ifif Miss Graham is

'Tcha, Mr Pinch!' cried Charity, with sharp impatience, 'you're very easily deceived. You don't know the arts

'Nno!' said Cherry, tracing out one particular pavingstone in Monument Yard with the end of her parasol.

'Yes,' returned Miss Pecksniff, pointing with her parasol to Todgers's; 'I reside with this lady, AT PRESENT.'

The great stress on the two last words suggested to Tom that he was expected to say something in reference

'No, Mr Pinch,' returned Charity. 'No, thank you. No! A motherin law who is younger thanI mean to

say, who is as nearly as possible about the same age as one's self, would not quite suit my spirit. Not quite!'

'Really, upon my word! I had no idea you would press me so very closely on the subject, Mr Pinch,' said

Charity, blushing, 'or I should not have been so foolish as to allude tooh really!won't you walk in?'

Tom mentioned, to excuse himself, that he had an appointment in Furnival's Inn, and that coming from

Islington he had taken a few wrong turnings, and arrived at the Monument instead. Miss Pecksniff simpered

very much when he asked her if she knew the way to Furnival's Inn, and at length found courage to reply.

'A gentleman who is a friend of mine, or at least who is not exactly a friend so much as a sort of

acquaintanceOh upon my word, I hardly know what I say, Mr Pinch; you mustn't suppose there is any

engagement between us; or at least if there is, that it is at all a settled thing as yetis going to Furnival's Inn

immediately, I believe upon a little business, and I am sure he would be very glad to accompany you, so as to

prevent your going wrong again. You had better walk in. You will very likely find my sister Merry here,' she

'Then, I think, I'll endeavour to find my way alone,' said Tom, 'for I fear she would not be very glad to see

me. That unfortunate occurrence, in relation to which you and I had some amicable words together, in

private, is not likely to have impressed her with any friendly feeling towards me. Though it really was not my

'She has never heard of that, you may depend,' said Cherry, gathering up the corners of her mouth, and

nodding at Tom. 'I am far from sure that she would bear you any mighty ill will for it, if she had.'

'I say nothing,' said Charity. 'If I had not already known what shocking things treachery and deceit are in

themselves, Mr Pinch, I might perhaps have learnt it from the success they meet withfrom the success they

meet with.' Here she smiled as before. 'But I don't say anything. On the contrary, I should scorn it. You had

There was something hidden here, which piqued Tom's interest and troubled his tender heart. When, in a

moment's irresolution, he looked at Charity, he could not but observe a struggle in her face between a sense

of triumph and a sense of shame; nor could he but remark how, meeting even his eyes, which she cared so

little for, she turned away her own, for all the splenetic defiance in her manner.

An uneasy thought entered Tom's head; a shadowy misgiving that the altered relations between himself and

Pecksniff were somehow to involve an altered knowledge on his part of other people, and were to give him

an insight into much of which he had had no previous suspicion. And yet he put no definite construction upon

Charity's proceedings. He certainly had no idea that as he had been the audience and spectator of her

mortification, she grasped with eager delight at any opportunity of reproaching her sister with his presence in

HER far deeper misery; for he knew nothing of it, and only pictured that sister as the same giddy, careless,

trivial creature she always had been, with the same slight estimation of himself which she had never been at

the least pains to conceal. In short, he had merely a confused impression that Miss Pecksniff was not quite

sisterly or kind; and being curious to set it right, accompanied her as she desired.

The housedoor being opened, she went in before Tom, requesting him to follow her; and led the way to the

'Oh, Merry!' she said, looking in, 'I am so glad you have not gone home. Who do you think I have met in the

street, and brought to see you! Mr Pinch! There. Now you ARE surprised, I am sure!'

Not more surprised than Tom was, when he looked upon her. Not so much. Not half so much.

'Mr Pinch has left Papa, my dear,' said Cherry, 'and his prospects are quite flourishing. I have promised that

Augustus, who is going that way, shall escort him to the place he wants. Augustus, my child, where are you?'

With these words Miss Pecksniff screamed her way out of the parlour, calling on Augustus Moddle to appear;

If she had always been his kindest friend; if she had treated him through all his servitude with such

consideration as was never yet received by struggling man; if she had lightened every moment of those many

years, and had ever spared and never wounded him; his honest heart could not have swelled before her with a

'My gracious me! You are really the last person in the world I should have thought of seeing, I am sure!'

Tom was sorry to hear her speaking in her old manner. He had not expected that. Yet he did not feel it a

contradiction that he should be sorry to see her so unlike her old self, and sorry at the same time to hear her

'I wonder you find any gratification in coming to see me. I can't think what put it in your head. I never had

much in seeing you. There was no love lost between us, Mr Pinch, at any time, I think.'

Her bonnet lay beside her on the sofa, and she was very busy with the ribbons as she spoke. Much too busy to

'We never quarrelled,' said Tom.Tom was right in that, for one person can no more quarrel without an

adversary, than one person can play at chess, or fight a duel. 'I hoped you would be glad to shake hands with

an old friend. Don't let us rake up bygones,' said Tom. 'If I ever offended you, forgive me.'

She looked at him for a moment; dropped her bonnet from her hands; spread them before her altered face,

'Oh, Mr Pinch!' she said, 'although I never used you well, I did believe your nature was forgiving. I did not

She spoke as little like her old self now, for certain, as Tom could possibly have wished. But she seemed to

'I seldom showed itneverI know that. But I had that belief in you, that if I had been asked to name the

person in the world least likely to retort upon me, I would have named you, confidently.'

'Do you believe,' said Tom, 'oh, can you think, that what I said just now, I said with any but the true and plain

intention which my words professed? I mean it, in the spirit and the letter. If I ever offended you, forgive me;

I may have done so, many times. You never injured or offended me. How, then, could I possibly retort, if

After a little while she thanked him, through her tears and sobs, and told him she had never been at once so

sorry and so comforted, since she left home. Still she wept bitterly; and it was the greater pain to Tom to see

her weeping, from her standing in especial need, just then, of sympathy and tenderness.

'No, never more. No, never, never more. If you should talk with old Mr Chuzzlewit, at any time,' she added,

looking hurriedly into his face'I sometimes thought he liked you, but suppressed itwill you promise me

to tell him that you saw me here, and that I said I bore in mind the time we talked together in the churchyard?'

'Many times since then, when I have wished I had been carried there before that day, I have recalled his

words. I wish that he should know how true they were, although the least acknowledgment to that effect has

Tom promised this, conditionally too. He did not tell her how improbable it was that he and the old man

'If he should ever know this, through your means, dear Mr Pinch,' said Mercy, 'tell him that I sent the

message, not for myself, but that he might be more forbearing and more patient, and more trustful to some

other person, in some other time of need. Tell him that if he could know how my heart trembled in the

balance that day, and what a very little would have turned the scale, his own would bleed with pity for me.'

'When I appeared to him the most unworthy of his help, I wasI know I was, for I have often, often, thought

about it sincethe most inclined to yield to what he showed me. Oh! if he had relented but a little more; if

he had thrown himself in my way for but one other quarter of an hour; if he had extended his compassion for

a vain, unthinking, miserable girl, in but the least degree; he might, and I believe he would, have saved her!

Tell him that I don't blame him, but am grateful for the effort that he made; but ask him for the love of God,

and youth, and in merciful consideration for the struggle which an illadvised and unwakened nature makes

to hide the strength it thinks its weaknessask him never, never, to forget this, when he deals with one

Although Tom did not hold the clue to her full meaning, he could guess it pretty nearly. Touched to the

quick, he took her hand and said, or meant to say, some words of consolation. She felt and understood them,

whether they were spoken or no. He was not quite certain, afterwards, but that she had tried to kneel down at

He found that he was not alone in the room when she had left it. Mrs Todgers was there, shaking her head.

Tom had never seen Mrs Todgers, it is needless to say, but he had a perception of her being the lady of the

house; and he saw some genuine compassion in her eyes, that won his good opinion.

'And yet,' quoth Mrs Todgers, shutting the door softly, 'she hasn't told you what her troubles are, I'm certain.'

Tom was struck by these words, for they were quite true. 'Indeed,' he said, 'she has not.'

'And never would,' said Mrs Todgers, 'if you saw her daily. She never makes the least complaint to me, or

utters a single word of explanation or reproach. But I know,' said Mrs Todgers, drawing in her breath, 'I

'I fully believe,' said Mrs Todgers, taking her pockethandkerchief from the flat reticule, 'that nobody can tell

one half of what that poor young creature has to undergo. But though she comes here, constantly, to ease her

poor full heart without his knowing it; and saying, "Mrs Todgers, I am very low today; I think that I shall

soon be dead," sits crying in my room until the fit is past; I know no more from her. And, I believe,' said Mrs

Todgers, putting back her handkerchief again, 'that she considers me a good friend too.'

Mrs Todgers might have said her best friend. Commercial gentlemen and gravy had tried Mrs Todgers's

temper; the main chanceit was such a very small one in her case, that she might have been excused for

looking sharp after it, lest it should entirely vanish from her sighthad taken a firm hold on Mrs Todgers's

attention. But in some odd nook in Mrs Todgers's breast, up a great many steps, and in a corner easy to be

overlooked, there was a secret door, with 'Woman' written on the spring, which, at a touch from Mercy's

When boardinghouse accounts are balanced with all other ledgers, and the books of the Recording Angel

are made up for ever, perhaps there may be seen an entry to thy credit, lean Mrs Todgers, which shall make

She was growing beautiful so rapidly in Tom's eyes; for he saw that she was poor, and that this good had

sprung up in her from among the sordid strivings of her life; that she might have been a very Venus in a

'Mr Thomas Pinch!' said Charity, performing the ceremony of introduction with evident pride. 'Mr Moddle.

'She's greatly altered since she's been Anothsince she's been married, Mrs Todgers!' observed Moddle.

'My dear Augustus!' said Miss Pecksniff, in a low voice. 'I verily believe you have said that fifty thousand

This was succeeded by some trifling love passages, which appeared to originate with, if not to be wholly

carried on by Miss Pecksniff. At any rate, Mr Moddle was much slower in his responses than is customary

with young lovers, and exhibited a lowness of spirits which was quite oppressive.

He did not improve at all when Tom and he were in the streets, but sighed so dismally that it was dreadful to

'The Scorner has not set his seal upon you. YOU care what becomes of you?' said Moddle.

'I don't,' said Mr Moddle. 'The Elements may have me when they please. I'm ready.'

Tom inferred from these, and other expressions of the same nature, that he was jealous. Therefore he allowed

him to take his own course; which was such a gloomy one, that he felt a load removed from his mind when

It was now a couple of hours past John Westlock's dinnertime; and he was walking up and down the room,

quite anxious for Tom's safety. The table was spread; the wine was carefully decanted; and the dinner smelt

'Why, Tom, old boy, where on earth have you been? Your box is here. Get your boots off instantly, and sit

'I am sorry to say I can't stay, John,' replied Tom Pinch, who was breathless with the haste he had made in

'If you'll go on with your dinner,' said Tom, 'I'll tell you my reason the while. I mustn't eat myself, or I shall

John Westlock was perfectly confounded by this reply, and vowed he would not touch a morsel until Tom

had explained himself fully. So Tom sat down, and told him all; to which he listened with the greatest

He knew Tom too well, and respected his delicacy too much, to ask him why he had taken these measures

without communicating with him first. He quite concurred in the expediency of Tom's immediately returning

to his sister, as he knew so little of the place in which he had left her, and goodhumouredly proposed to ride

back with him in a cab, in which he might convey his box. Tom's proposition that he should sup with them

that night, he flatly rejected, but made an appointment with him for the morrow. 'And now Tom,' he said, as

they rode along, 'I have a question to ask you to which I expect a manly and straightforward answer. Do you

'No. With many thanks to you, I am quite in earnest,' Tom replied. 'My sister has some money, and so have I.

If I had nothing else, John, I have a fivepound note, which that good creature, Mrs Lupin, of the Dragon,

handed up to me outside the coach, in a letter begging me to borrow it; and then drove off as hard as she

'And a blessing on every dimple in her handsome face, say I!' cried John, 'though why you should give her

'And I hope you'll continue to bide it,' returned Tom, gayly. 'For I owe you more, already, in a hundred other

They parted at the door of Tom's new residence. John Westlock, sitting in the cab, and, catching a glimpse of

a blooming little busy creature darting out to kiss Tom and to help him with his box, would not have had the

Well! she WAS a cheerful little thing; and had a quaint, bright quietness about her that was infinitely

pleasant. Surely she was the best sauce for chops ever invented. The potatoes seemed to take a pleasure in

sending up their grateful steam before her; the froth upon the pint of porter pouted to attract her notice. But it

was all in vain. She saw nothing but Tom. Tom was the first and last thing in the world.

As she sat opposite to Tom at supper, fingering one of Tom's pet tunes upon the tablecloth, and smiling in

In walking from the city with his sentimental friend, Tom Pinch had looked into the face, and brushed against

the threadbare sleeve, of Mr Nadgett, man of mystery to the AngloBengalee Disinterested Loan and Life

Assurance Company. Mr Nadgett naturally passed away from Tom's remembrance as he passed out of his

As there are a vast number of people in the huge metropolis of England who rise up every morning not

knowing where their heads will rest at night, so there are a multitude who shooting arrows over houses as

their daily business, never know on whom they fall. Mr Nadgett might have passed Tom Pinch ten thousand

times; might even have been quite familiar with his face, his name, pursuits, and character; yet never once

have dreamed that Tom had any interest in any act or mystery of his. Tom might have done the like by him of

course. But the same private man out of all the men alive, was in the mind of each at the same moment; was

prominently connected though in a different manner, with the day's adventures of both; and formed, when

they passed each other in the street, the one absorbing topic of their thoughts.

Why Tom had Jonas Chuzzlewit in his mind requires no explanation. Why Mr Nadgett should have had Jonas

But, somehow or other, that amiable and worthy orphan had become a part of the mystery of Mr Nadgett's

existence. Mr Nadgett took an interest in his lightest proceedings; and it never flagged or wavered. He

watched him in and out of the Assurance Office, where he was now formally installed as a Director; he

dogged his footsteps in the streets; he stood listening when he talked; he sat in coffee rooms entering his

name in the great pocketbook, over and over again; he wrote letters to himself about him constantly; and,

when he found them in his pocket, put them in the fire, with such distrust and caution that he would bend

down to watch the crumpled tinder while it floated upwards, as if his mind misgave him, that the mystery it

And yet all this was quite a secret. Mr Nadgett kept it to himself, and kept it close. Jonas had no more idea

that Mr Nadgett's eyes were fixed on him, than he had that he was living under the daily inspection and report

of a whole order of Jesuits. Indeed Mr Nadgett's eyes were seldom fixed on any other objects than the

ground, the clock, or the fire; but every button on his coat might have been an eye, he saw so much.

The secret manner of the man disarmed suspicion in this wise; suggesting, not that he was watching any one,

but that he thought some other man was watching him. He went about so stealthily, and kept himself so

wrapped up in himself, that the whole object of his life appeared to be, to avoid notice and preserve his own

mystery. Jonas sometimes saw him in the street, hovering in the outer office, waiting at the door for the man

who never came, or slinking off with his immovable face and drooping head, and the one beaver glove

dangling before him; but he would as soon have thought of the cross upon the top of St. Paul's Cathedral

taking note of what he did, or slowly winding a great net about his feet, as of Nadgett's being engaged in such

Mr Nadgett made a mysterious change about this time in his mysterious life: for whereas he had, until now,

been first seen every morning coming down Cornhill, so exactly like the Nadgett of the day before as to

occasion a popular belief that he never went to bed or took his clothes off, he was now first seen in Holborn,

coming out of Kingsgate Street; and it was soon discovered that he actually went every morning to a barber's

shop in that street to get shaved; and that the barber's name was Sweedlepipe. He seemed to make

appointments with the man who never came, to meet him at this barber's; for he would frequently take long

spells of waiting in the shop, and would ask for pen and ink, and pull out his pocketbook, and be very busy

over it for an hour at a time. Mrs Gamp and Mr Sweedlepipe had many deep discoursings on the subject of

this mysterious customer; but they usually agreed that he had speculated too much and was keeping out of the

He must have appointed the man who never kept his word, to meet him at another new place too; for one day

he was found, for the first time, by the waiter at the Mourning CoachHorse, the Houseofcall for

Undertakers, down in the City there, making figures with a pipe stem in the sawdust of a clean spittoon; and

declining to call for anything, on the ground of expecting a gentleman presently. As the gentleman was not

honourable enough to keep his engagement, he came again next day, with his pocketbook in such a state of

distention that he was regarded in the bar as a man of large property. After that, he repeated his visits every

day, and had so much writing to do, that he made nothing of emptying a capacious leaden inkstand in two

sittings. Although he never talked much, still, by being there among the regular customers, he made their

acquaintance. and in course of time became quite intimate with Mr Tacker, Mr Mould's foreman; and even

with Mr Mould himself, who openly said he was a longheaded man, a dry one, a salt fish, a deep file, a

At the same time, too, he told the people at the Assurance Office, in his own mysterious way, that there was

something wrong (secretly wrong, of course) in his liver, and that he feared he must put himself under the

doctor's hands. He was delivered over to Jobling upon this representation; and though Jobling could not find

out where his liver was wrong, wrong Mr Nadgett said it was; observing that it was his own liver, and he

hoped he ought to know. Accordingly, he became Mr Jobling's patient; and detailing his symptoms in his

slow and secret way, was in and out of that gentleman's room a dozen times a day.

As he pursued all these occupations at once; and all steadily; and all secretly; and never slackened in his

watchfulness of everything that Mr Jonas said and did, and left unsaid and undone; it is not improbable that

they were, secretly, essential parts of some great scheme which Mr Nadgett had on foot.

It was on the morning of this very day on which so much had happened to Tom Pinch, that Nadgett suddenly

appeared before Mr Montague's house in Pall Mallhe always made his appearance as if he had that

moment come up a trapwhen the clocks were striking nine. He rang the bell in a covert underhanded way,

as though it were a treasonable act; and passed in at the door, the moment it was opened wide enough to

Mr Bailey, taking up his name without delay, returned with a request that he would follow him into his

master's chamber. The chairman of the AngloBengalee Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance Board was

dressing, and received him as a business person who was often backwards and forwards, and was received at

Mr Nadgett put his hat upon the ground and coughed. The boy having withdrawn and shut the door, he went

to it softly, examined the handle, and returned to within a pace or two of the chair in which Mr Montague sat.

'That depends upon your judgment and construction of it,' was his answer, as he put on his spectacles.

Mr Nadgett rubbed his hands slowly, stroked his chin, looked round the room, and said, 'Yes, yes, I think it's

a good case. I am disposed to think it's a good case. Will you go into it at once?'

Mr Nadgett picked out a certain chair from among the rest, and having planted it in a particular spot, as

carefully as if he had been going to vault over it, placed another chair in front of it; leaving room for his own

legs between them. He then sat down in chair number two, and laid his pocketbook, very carefully, on chair

number one. He then untied the pocketbook, and hung the string over the back of chair number one. He then

drew both the chairs a little nearer Mr Montague, and opening the pocketbook spread out its contents.

Finally he selected a certain memorandum from the rest, and held it out to his employer, who, during the

whole of these preliminary ceremonies, had been making violent efforts to conceal his impatience.

'I wish you wouldn't be so fond of making notes, my excellent friend,' said Tigg Montague with a ghastly

'I don't like word of mouth,' said Mr Nadgett gravely. 'We never know who's listening.'

Mr Montague was going to retort, when Nadgett handed him the paper, and said, with quiet exultation in his

tone, 'We'll begin at the beginning, and take that one first, if you please, sir.'

The chairman cast his eyes upon it, coldly, and with a smile which did not render any great homage to the

slow and methodical habits of his spy. But he had not read halfadozen lines when the expression of his

face began to change, and before he had finished the perusal of the paper, it was full of grave and serious

'Number Two,' said Mr Nadgett, handing him another, and receiving back the first. 'Read Number Two, sir, if

Tigg Montague leaned backward in his chair, and cast upon his emissary such a look of vacant wonder (not

unmingled with alarm), that Mr Nadgett considered it necessary to repeat the request he had already twice

preferred; with the view to recalling his attention to the point in hand. Profiting by the hint, Mr Montague

went on with Number Two, and afterwards with Numbers Three, and Four, and Five, and so on.

These documents were all in Mr Nadgett's writing, and were apparently a series of memoranda, jotted down

from time to time upon the backs of old letters, or any scrap of paper that came first to hand. Loose straggling

scrawls they were, and of very uninviting exterior; but they had weighty purpose in them, if the chairman's

The progress of Mr Nadgett's secret satisfaction arising out of the effect they made, kept pace with the

emotions of the reader. At first, Mr Nadgett sat with his spectacles low down upon his nose, looking over

them at his employer, and nervously rubbing his hands. After a little while, he changed his posture in his

chair for one of greater ease, and leisurely perused the next document he held ready as if an occasional glance

at his employer's face were now enough and all occasion for anxiety or doubt were gone. And finally he rose

and looked out of the window, where he stood with a triumphant air until Tigg Montague had finished.

'I think it is a pretty good case,' he returned as he gathered up his papers. 'It cost some trouble, sir.'

'The trouble shall be well rewarded, Mr Nadgett.' Nadgett bowed. 'There is a deeper impression of

Somebody's Hoof here, than I had expected, Mr Nadgett. I may congratulate myself upon your being such a

'Oh! nothing has an interest to me that's not a secret,' replied Nadgett, as he tied the string about his

pocketbook, and put it up. 'It always takes away any pleasure I may have had in this inquiry even to make it

'A most invaluable constitution,' Tigg retorted. 'A great gift for a gentleman employed as you are, Mr

Nadgett. Much better than discretion; though you possess that quality also in an eminent degree. I think I

heard a double knock. Will you put your head out of window, and tell me whether there is anybody at the

Mr Nadgett softly raised the sash, and peered out from the very corner, as a man might who was looking

down into a street from whence a brisk discharge of musketry might be expected at any moment. Drawing in

'I think you had better. Stay though! No! remain here, Mr Nadgett, if you please.'

It was remarkable how pale and flurried he had become in an instant. There was nothing to account for it. His

'Show him up directly. Nadgett! don't you leave us alone together. Mind you don't, now! By the Lord!' he

Saying this, he hurriedly took up a couple of hairbrushes, and began to exercise them on his own head, as if

his toilet had not been interrupted. Mr Nadgett withdrew to the stove, in which there was a small fire for the

convenience of heating curlingirons; and taking advantage of so favourable an opportunity for drying his

pockethandkerchief, produced it without loss of time. There he stood, during the whole interview, holding it

'My dear Chuzzlewit!' cried Montague, as Jonas entered. 'You rise with the lark. Though you go to bed with

the nightingale, you rise with the lark. You have superhuman energy, my dear Chuzzlewit!'

'Ecod!' said Jonas, with an air of langour and illhumour, as he took a chair, 'I should be very glad not to get

up with the lark, if I could help it. But I am a light sleeper; and it's better to be up than lying awake, counting

'A light sleeper!' cried his friend. 'Now, what is a light sleeper? I often hear the expression, but upon my life I

'Hallo!' said Jonas, 'Who's that? Oh, old what'shisname: looking (as usual) as if he wanted to skulk up the

'Oh, let him stay, let him stay!' said Tigg. 'He's a mere piece of furniture. He has been making his report, and

is waiting for further orders. He has been told,' said Tigg, raising his voice, 'not to lose sight of certain friends

of ours, or to think that he has done with them by any means. He understands his business.'

'He need,' replied Jonas; 'for of all the precious old dummies in appearance that I ever saw, he's about the

'It's my belief,' said Tigg, 'that you are Poison to him. Nadgett! give me that towel!'

He had as little occasion for a towel as Jonas had for a start. But Nadgett brought it quickly; and, having

'You see, my dear fellow,' resumed Tigg, 'you are toowhat's the matter with your lips? How white they

'I took some vinegar just now,' said Jonas. 'I had oysters for my breakfast. Where are they white?' he added,

muttering an oath, and rubbing them upon his handkerchief. 'I don't believe they ARE white.'

'Now I look again, they are not,' replied his friend. 'They are coming right again.'

'Say what you were going to say,' cried Jonas angrily, 'and let my face be! As long as I can show my teeth

when I want to (and I can do that pretty well), the colour of my lips is not material.'

'Quite true,' said Tigg. 'I was only going to say that you are too quick and active for our friend. He is too shy

to cope with such a man as you, but does his duty well. Oh, very well! But what is a light sleeper?'

'A light sleeper ain't a heavy one,' said Jonas in his sulky way; 'don't sleep much, and don't sleep well, and

'And dreams,' said Tigg, 'and cries out in an ugly manner; and when the candle burns down in the night, is in

'Now we've done with child's talk, I want to have a word with you. I want to have a word with you before we

'The money comes in well enough,' retorted Jonas, 'but it don't come out well enough. It can't be got at easily

enough. I haven't sufficient power; it is all in your hands. Ecod! what with one of your bylaws, and another

of your bylaws, and your votes in this capacity, and your votes in that capacity, and your official rights, and

your individual rights, and other people's rights who are only you again, there are no rights left for me.

Everybody else's rights are my wrongs. What's the use of my having a voice if it's always drowned? I might

as well be dumb, and it would be much less aggravating. I'm not agoing to stand that, you know.'

'No!' returned Jonas, 'I'm not indeed. I'll play old Gooseberry with the office, and make you glad to buy me

'Oh! confound your honour,' interrupted Jonas, who became more coarse and quarrelsome as the other

remonstrated, which may have been a part of Mr Montague's intention; 'I want a little more control over the

money. You may have all the honour, if you like; I'll never bring you to book for that. But I'm not agoing to

stand it, as it is now. If you should take it into your honourable head to go abroad with the bank, I don't see

much to prevent you. Well! That won't do. I've had some very good dinners here, but they'd come too dear on

'I am unfortunate to find you in this humour,' said Tigg, with a remarkable kind of smile; 'for I was going to

propose to youfor your own advantage; solely for your own advantagethat you should venture a little

'Yes. And to suggest,' pursued Montague, 'that surely you have friends; indeed, I know you have; who would

'How kind of you! You'd be delighted to receive 'em, would you?' said Jonas, bantering.

'Exactly,' said Jonas; 'as my friends, of course. You'll be very much delighted when you get 'em, I have no

'It will be very much to your advantage,' answered Montague poising a brush in each hand, and looking

'I think you had better,' said Jonas. 'Strange things have been done in the Assurance way before now, by

'Chuzzlewit!' replied Montague, leaning forward, with his arms upon his knees, and looking full into his face.

'Strange things have been done, and are done every day; not only in our way, but in a variety of other ways;

and no one suspects them. But ours, as you say, my good friend, is a strange way; and we strangely happen,

He beckoned to Jonas to bring his chair nearer; and looking slightly round, as if to remind him of the

From red to white; from white to red again; from red to yellow; then to a cold, dull, awful, sweatbedabbled

blue. In that short whisper, all these changes fell upon the face of Jonas Chuzzlewit; and when at last he laid

his hand upon the whisperer's mouth, appalled, lest any syllable of what he said should reach the ears of the

He drew his chair away, and sat a spectacle of terror, misery, and rage. He was afraid to speak, or look, or

move, or sit still. Abject, crouching, and miserable, he was a greater degradation to the form he bore, than if

His companion leisurely resumed his dressing, and completed it, glancing sometimes with a smile at the

'You'll not object,' he said, when he was quite equipped, 'to venture further with us, Chuzzlewit, my friend?'

'Well said! That's like yourself. Do you know I was thinking yesterday that your fatherinlaw, relying on

your advice as a man of great sagacity in money matters, as no doubt you are, would join us, if the thing were

'A thousand thanks,' replied the other, clapping him upon the shoulder. 'Shall we walk downstairs? Mr

They went down in that order. Whatever Jonas felt in reference to Montague; whatever sense he had of being

caged, and barred, and trapped, and having fallen down into a pit of deepest ruin; whatever thoughts came

crowding on his mind even at that early time, of one terrible chance of escape, of one red glimmer in a sky of

blackness; he no more thought that the slinking figure halfadozen stairs behind him was his pursuing Fate,

Pleasant little Ruth! Cheerful, tidy, bustling, quiet little Ruth! No doll's house ever yielded greater delight to

its young mistress, than little Ruth derived from her glorious dominion over the triangular parlour and the two

To be Tom's housekeeper. What dignity! Housekeeping, upon the commonest terms, associated itself with

elevated responsibilities of all sorts and kinds; but housekeeping for Tom implied the utmost complication of

grave trusts and mighty charges. Well might she take the keys out of the little chiffonier which held the tea

and sugar; and out of the two little damp cupboards down by the fireplace, where the very black beetles got

mouldy, and had the shine taken out of their backs by envious mildew; and jingle them upon a ring before

Tom's eyes when he came down to breakfast! Well might she, laughing musically, put them up in that blessed

little pocket of hers with a merry pride! For it was such a grand novelty to be mistress of anything, that if she

had been the most relentless and despotic of all little housekeepers, she might have pleaded just that much for

So far from being despotic, however, there was a coyness about her very way of pouring out the tea, which

Tom quite revelled in. And when she asked him what he would like to have for dinner, and faltered out

'chops' as a reasonably good suggestion after their last night's successful supper, Tom grew quite facetious,

'I don't know, Tom,' said his sister, blushing, 'I am not quite confident, but I think I could make a beefsteak

'In the whole catalogue of cookery, there is nothing I should like so much as a beefsteak pudding!' cried

'Yes, dear, that's excellent! But if it should happen not to come quite right the first time,' his sister faltered; 'if

it should happen not to be a pudding exactly, but should turn out a stew, or a soup, or something of that sort,

The serious way in which she looked at Tom; the way in which Tom looked at her; and the way in which she

gradually broke into a merry laugh at her own expense, would have enchanted you.

'Why,' said Tom 'this is capital. It gives us a new, and quite an uncommon interest in the dinner. We put into

a lottery for a beefsteak pudding, and it is impossible to say what we may get. We may make some wonderful

'I shall not be at all surprised if we do, Tom,' returned his sister, still laughing merrily, 'or if it should prove to

be such a dish as we shall not feel very anxious to produce again; but the meat must come out of the saucepan

at last, somehow or other, you know. We can't cook it into nothing at all; that's a great comfort. So if you like

'I have not the least doubt,' rejoined Tom, 'that it will come out an excellent pudding, or at all events, I am

sure that I shall think it so. There is naturally something so handy and brisk about you, Ruth, that if you said

And Tom was right. She was precisely that sort of person. Nobody ought to have been able to resist her

coaxing manner; and nobody had any business to try. Yet she never seemed to know it was her manner at all.

Well! she washed up the breakfast cups, chatting away the whole time, and telling Tom all sorts of anecdotes

about the brassand copper founder; put everything in its place; made the room as neat as herself;you

must not suppose its shape was half as neat as hers though, or anything like itand brushed Tom's old hat

round and round and round again, until it was as sleek as Mr Pecksniff. Then she discovered, all in a moment,

that Tom's shirtcollar was frayed at the edge; and flying upstairs for a needle and thread, came flying down

again with her thimble on, and set it right with wonderful expertness; never once sticking the needle into his

face, although she was humming his pet tune from first to last, and beating time with the fingers of her left

hand upon his neckcloth. She had no sooner done this, than off she was again; and there she stood once more,

as brisk and busy as a bee, tying that compact little chin of hers into an equally compact little bonnet; intent

on bustling out to the butcher's, without a minute's loss of time; and inviting Tom to come and see the steak

cut, with his own eyes. As to Tom, he was ready to go anywhere; so off they trotted, armin arm, as nimbly

as you please; saying to each other what a quiet street it was to lodge in, and how very cheap, and what an

To see the butcher slap the steak, before he laid it on the block, and give his knife a sharpening, was to forget

breakfast instantly. It was agreeable, tooit really wasto see him cut it off, so smooth and juicy. There

was nothing savage in the act, although the knife was large and keen; it was a piece of art, high art; there was

delicacy of touch, clearness of tone, skillful handling of the subject, fine shading. It was the triumph of mind

Perhaps the greenest cabbageleaf ever grown in a garden was wrapped about this steak, before it was

delivered over to Tom. But the butcher had a sentiment for his business, and knew how to refine upon it.

When he saw Tom putting the cabbageleaf into his pocket awkwardly, he begged to be allowed to do it for

Back they went to the lodgings again, after they had bought some eggs, and flour, and such small matters;

and Tom sat gravely down to write at one end of the parlour table, while Ruth prepared to make the pudding

at the other end; for there was nobody in the house but an old woman (the landlord being a mysterious sort of

man, who went out early in the morning, and was scarcely ever seen); and saving in mere household

'What are you writing, Tom?' inquired his sister, laying her hand upon his shoulder.

'Why, you see, my dear,' said Tom, leaning back in his chair, and looking up in her face, 'I am very anxious,

of course, to obtain some suitable employment; and before Mr Westlock comes this afternoon, I think I may

as well prepare a little description of myself and my qualifications; such as he could show to any friend of

'You had better do the same for me, Tom, also,' said his sister, casting down her eyes. 'I should dearly like to

keep house for you and take care of you always, Tom; but we are not rich enough for that.'

'We are not rich,' returned Tom, 'certainly; and we may be much poorer. But we will not part if we can help

it. No, no; we will make up our minds Ruth, that unless we are so very unfortunate as to render me quite sure

that you would be better off away from me than with me, we will battle it out together. I am certain we shall

'We don't know that,' said Tom. 'How are we to know that, yet awhile, and without trying? Lord bless my

soul!'Tom's energy became quite grand'there is no knowing what may happen, if we try hard. And I am

'Why, then,' said Tom, 'we must try for it. My friend, John Westlock, is a capital fellow, and very shrewd and

intelligent. I'll take his advice. We'll talk it over with himboth of us together. You'll like John very much,

when you come to know him, I am certain. Don't cry, don't cry. YOU make a beefsteak pudding, indeed!'

said Tom, giving her a gentle push. 'Why, you haven't boldness enough for a dumpling!'

'I may as well call it that, till it proves to be something else,' said Tom. 'Oh, you are going to work in earnest,

Aye, aye! That she was. And in such pleasant earnest, moreover, that Tom's attention wandered from his

writing every moment. First, she tripped downstairs into the kitchen for the flour, then for the pieboard, then

for the eggs, then for the butter, then for a jug of water, then for the rollingpin, then for a puddingbasin,

then for the pepper, then for the salt; making a separate journey for everything, and laughing every time she

started off afresh. When all the materials were collected she was horrified to find she had no apron on, and so

ran UPstairs by way of variety, to fetch it. She didn't put it on upstairs, but came dancing down with it in her

hand; and being one of those little women to whom an apron is a most becoming little vanity, it took an

immense time to arrange; having to be carefully smoothed down beneathOh, heaven, what a wicked little

stomacher!and to be gathered up into little plaits by the strings before it could be tied, and to be tapped,

rebuked, and wheedled, at the pockets, before it would set right, which at last it did, and when it didbut

never mind; this is a sober chronicle. And then, there were her cuffs to be tucked up, for fear of flour; and she

had a little ring to pull off her finger, which wouldn't come off (foolish little ring!); and during the whole of

these preparations she looked demurely every now and then at Tom, from under her dark eyelashes, as if they

For the life and soul of him, Tom could get no further in his writing than, 'A respectable young man, aged

thirtyfive,' and this, notwithstanding the show she made of being supernaturally quiet, and going about on

tiptoe, lest she should disturb him; which only served as an additional means of distracting his attention, and

'I am going to begin, Tom. Don't you wonder why I butter the inside of the basin?' said his busy little sister.

'Not more than you do, I dare say,' replied Tom, laughing. 'For I believe you don't know anything about it.'

'What an infidel you are, Tom! How else do you think it would turn out easily when it was done! For a

It was wholly out of the question to try to write. Tom lined out 'respectable young man, aged thirtyfive;' and

Such a busy little woman as she was! So full of selfimportance and trying so hard not to smile, or seem

uncertain about anything! It was a perfect treat to Tom to see her with her brows knit, and her rosy lips

pursed up, kneading away at the crust, rolling it out, cutting it up into strips, lining the basin with it, shaving

it off fine round the rim, chopping up the steak into small pieces, raining down pepper and salt upon them,

packing them into the basin, pouring in cold water for gravy, and never venturing to steal a look in his

direction, lest her gravity should be disturbed; until, at last, the basin being quite full and only wanting the top

crust, she clapped her hands all covered with paste and flour, at Tom, and burst out heartily into such a

charming little laugh of triumph, that the pudding need have had no other seasoning to commend it to the

'It WILL be, you stupid fellow, when it's covered in,' returned his sister. Tom still pretending to look

incredulous, she gave him a tap on the head with the rollingpin, and still laughing merrily, had returned to

the composition of the top crust, when she started and turned very red. Tom started, too, for following her

'I beg pardon,' said John' your sister's pardon especiallybut I met an old lady at the street door, who

requested me to enter here; and as you didn't hear me knock, and the door was open, I made bold to do so. I

hardly know,' said John, with a smile, 'why any of us should be disconcerted at my having accidentally

intruded upon such an agreeable domestic occupation, so very agreeably and skillfully pursued; but I must

'I hope that, as the sister of so old a friend,' said John, laughing 'you will have the goodness to detach your

'My sister is not indisposed perhaps to say the same to you on her own behalf,' retorted Tom.

John said, of course, that this was quite unnecessary, for he had been transfixed in silent admiration; and he

held out his hand to Miss Pinch; who couldn't take it, however, by reason of the flour and paste upon her

own. This, which might seem calculated to increase the general confusion and render matters worse, had in

reality the best effect in the world, for neither of them could help laughing; and so they both found

'I can only think of sitting down on one condition,' returned his friend; 'and that is, that your sister goes on

'That I am sure she will,' said Tom. 'On one other condition, and that is, that you stay and help us to eat it.'

Poor little Ruth was seized with a palpitation of the heart when Tom committed this appalling indiscretion,

for she felt that if the dish turned out a failure, she never would be able to hold up her head before John

Westlock again. Quite unconscious of her state of mind, John accepted the invitation with all imaginable

heartiness; and after a little more pleasantry concerning this same pudding, and the tremendous expectations

he made believe to entertain of it, she blushingly resumed her occupation, and he took a chair.

'I am here much earlier than I intended, Tom; but I will tell you, what brings me, and I think I can answer for

'Oh dear no!' cried Tom, who had forgotten the blotted scrap of paper in his hand, until this inquiry brought it

to his recollection. '"A respectable young man, aged thirtyfive"The beginning of a description of myself.

'I don't think you will have occasion to finish it, Tom. But how is it you never told me you had friends in

Tom looked at his sister with all his might; and certainly his sister looked with all her might at him.

'I am very happy to hear that I have,' said Tom, 'but it's news to me. I never knew it. They must be capital

'You shall judge for yourself,' returned the other. 'Seriously, Tom, here is the plain state of the case. As I was

'So I did. And the person who knocked, not being a respectable young man, aged thirtyfive, from the

country, came in when he was invited, instead of standing gaping and staring about him on the landing. Well!

When he came in, I found he was a stranger; a grave, businesslike, sedatelooking, stranger. "Mr

Westlock?" said he. "That is my name," said I. "The favour of a few words with you?" said he. "Pray be

Here John stopped for an instant, to glance towards the table, where Tom's sister, listening attentively, was

still busy with the basin, which by this time made a noble appearance. Then he resumed:

'No, no,' replied John, colouring rather; 'a chair. The idea of a stranger coming into my rooms at halfpast

eight o'clock in the morning, and taking a pudding! Having taken a chair, Tom, a chair amazed me by

opening the conversation thus: "I believe you are acquainted, sir, with Mr Thomas Pinch?"

'His very words, I assure you. I told him I was. Did I know where you were at present residing? Yes. In

London? Yes. He had casually heard, in a roundabout way, that you had left your situation with Mr Pecksniff.

'Just what I impressed upon him. You may rest assured that I set that point beyond the possibility of any

mistake, and gave him distinctly to understand that he might make up his mind about it. Very well.'

'Of course I begged him,' pursued John Westlock, glancing at Tom's sister, who was not less eager in her

interest than Tom himself, 'to proceed, and said that I would undertake to see you immediately. He replied

that he had very little to say, being a man of few words, but such as it was, it was to the purposeand so,

indeed, it turned outfor he immediately went on to tell me that a friend of his was in want of a kind of

secretary and librarian; and that although the salary was small, being only a hundred pounds a year, with

neither board nor lodging, still the duties were not heavy, and there the post was. Vacant, and ready for your

'Good gracious me!' cried Tom; 'a hundred pounds a year! My dear John! Ruth, my love! A hundred pounds a

'But the strangest part of the story,' resumed John Westlock, laying his hand on Tom's wrist, to bespeak his

attention, and repress his ecstasies for the moment; 'the strangest part of the story, Miss Pinch, is this. I don't

'He can't,' said Tom, in great perplexity, 'if he's a Londoner. I don't know any one in London.'

'And on my observing,' John resumed, still keeping his hand upon Tom's wrist, 'that I had no doubt he would

excuse the freedom I took in inquiring who directed him to me; how he came to know of the change which

had taken place in my friend's position; and how he came to be acquainted with my friend's peculiar fitness

for such an office as he had described; he drily said that he was not at liberty to enter into any explanations.'

'Not at liberty to enter into any explanations!' repeated Tom, drawing a long breath.

'"I must be perfectly aware," he said,' John added, '"that to any person who had ever been in Mr Pecksniff's

neighbourhood, Mr Thomas Pinch and his acquirements were as well known as the Church steeple, or the

'The Blue Dragon!' repeated Tom, staring alternately at his friend and his sister.

'Aye, think of that! He spoke as familiarly of the Blue Dragon, I give you my word, as if he had been Mark

Tapley. I opened my eyes, I can tell you, when he did so; but I could not fancy I had ever seen the man

before, although he said with a smile, "You know the Blue Dragon, Mr Westlock; you kept it up there, once

Tom nodded with great significance, and, falling into a state of deeper perplexity than before, observed that

this was the most unaccountable and extraordinary circumstance he had ever heard of in his life.

'Unaccountable?' his friend repeated. 'I became afraid of the man. Though it was broad day, and bright

sunshine, I was positively afraid of him. I declare I half suspected him to be a supernatural visitor, and not a

mortal, until he took out a commonplace description of pocketbook, and handed me this card.'

'Mr Fips,' said Tom, reading it aloud. 'Austin Friars. Austin Friars sounds ghostly, John.'

'Fips don't, I think,' was John's reply. 'But there he lives, Tom, and there he expects us to call this morning.

Tom's face, between his exultation in the hundred pounds a year, and his wonder at this narration, was only to

be equalled by the face of his sister, on which there sat the very best expression of blooming surprise that any

painter could have wished to see. What the beef steak pudding would have come to, if it had not been by

'Tom,' said Ruth, after a little hesitation, 'perhaps Mr Westlock, in his friendship for you, knows more of this

'No, indeed!' cried John, eagerly. 'It is not so, I assure you. I wish it were. I cannot take credit to myself, Miss

Pinch, for any such thing. All that I know, or, so far as I can judge, am likely to know, I have told you.'

'Couldn't you know more, if you thought proper?' said Ruth, scraping the pieboard industriously.

'No,' retorted John. 'Indeed, no. It is very ungenerous in you to be so suspicious of me when I repose implicit

She laughed at this, but they soon got back into a serious vein, and discussed the subject with profound

gravity. Whatever else was obscure in the business, it appeared to be quite plain that Tom was offered a

salary of one hundred pounds a year; and this being the main point, the surrounding obscurity rather set it off

Tom, being in a great flutter, wished to start for Austin Friars instantly, but they waited nearly an hour, by

John's advice, before they departed. Tom made himself as spruce as he could before leaving home, and when

John Westlock, through the halfopened parlour door, had glimpses of that brave little sister brushing the

collar of his coat in the passage, taking up loose stitches in his gloves and hovering lightly about and about

him, touching him up here and there in the height of her quaint, little, oldfashioned tidiness, he called to

mind the fancyportraits of her on the wall of the Pecksniffian workroom, and decided with uncommon

indignation that they were gross libels, and not half pretty enough; though, as hath been mentioned in its

place, the artists always made those sketches beautiful, and he had drawn at least a score of them with his

'Tom,' he said, as they were walking along, 'I begin to think you must be somebody's son.'

'Bless your heart,' replied Tom, 'my poor father was of no consequence, nor my mother either.'

'Remember them? oh dear yes. My poor mother was the last. She died when Ruth was a mere baby, and then

we both became a charge upon the savings of that good old grandmother I used to tell you of. You remember!

'Very well,' said John in quiet despair. 'Then there is no way of accounting for my visitor of this morning. So

They did try, notwithstanding, and never left off trying until they got to Austin Friars, where, in a very dark

passage on the first floor, oddly situated at the back of a house, across some leads, they found a little

bleareyed glass door up in one corner, with MR. FIPS painted on it in characters which were meant to be

transparent. There was also a wicked old sideboard hiding in the gloom hard by, meditating designs upon the

ribs of visitors; and an old mat, worn into lattice work, which, being useless as a mat (even if anybody could

have seen it, which was impossible), had for many years directed its industry into another channel, and

Mr Fips, hearing a violent concussion between a human hat and his office door, was apprised, by the usual

means of communication, that somebody had come to call upon him, and giving that somebody admission,

'Dark indeed,' John whispered in Tom Pinch's ear. 'Not a bad place to dispose of a countryman in, I should

Tom had been already turning over in his mind the possibility of their having been tempted into that region to

furnish forth a pie; but the sight of Mr Fips, who was small and spare, and looked peaceable, and wore black

They walked in. And a mighty yellowjaundiced little office Mr Fips had of it; with a great, black, sprawling

splash upon the floor in one corner, as if some old clerk had cut his throat there, years ago, and had let out ink

They occupied the two chairs, and Mr Fips took the office stool from the stuffing whereof he drew forth a

piece of horsehair of immense length, which he put into his mouth with a great appearance of appetite.

He looked at Tom Pinch curiously, but with an entire freedom from any such expression as could be

reasonably construed into an unusual display of interest. After a short silence, during which Mr Fips was so

perfectly unembarrassed as to render it manifest that he could have broken it sooner without hesitation, if he

had felt inclined to do so, he asked if Mr Westlock had made his offer fully known to Mr Pinch.

'I think it a piece of great good fortune, sir,' said Tom. 'I am exceedingly obliged to you for the offer.'

'To your friend, sir, then,' said Tom. 'To the gentleman with whom I am to engage, and whose confidence I

shall endeavour to deserve. When he knows me better, sir, I hope he will not lose his good opinion of me. He

will find me punctual and vigilant, and anxious to do what is right. That I think I can answer for, and so,'

Mr Fips appeared to have some little difficulty in resuming the conversation. To relieve himself, he took up

'The fact is,' said Mr Fips, 'that my friend is not, at this present moment, in town.'

Tom's countenance fell; for he thought this equivalent to telling him that his appearance did not answer; and

'I can't say; it's impossible to tell. I really have no idea. But,' said Fips, taking off a very deep impression of

the wafer stamp upon the calf of his left leg, and looking steadily at Tom, 'I don't know that it's a matter of

'I say,' repeated Mr Fips, 'that I don't know it's a matter of much consequence. The business lies entirely

between yourself and me, Mr Pinch. With reference to your duties, I can set you going; and with reference to

your salary, I can pay it. Weekly,' said Mr Fips, putting down the waferstamp, and looking at John Westlock

and Tom Pinch by turns, 'weekly; in this office; at any time between the hours of four and five o'clock in the

afternoon.' As Mr Fips said this, he made up his face as if he were going to whistle. But he didn't.

'You are very good,' said Tom, whose countenance was now suffused with pleasure; 'and nothing can be more

'From halfpast nine to four o'clock or so, I should say,' interrupted Mr Fips. 'About that.'

'I did not mean the hours of attendance,' retorted Tom, 'which are light and easy, I am sure; but the place.'

'Oh, dear!' cried Tom. 'I shall only be too glad to consider myself engaged, if you will allow me; without any

'You may consider yourself engaged, by all means,' said Mr Fips; 'you couldn't meet me at the Temple Gate

'Good,' said Mr Fips, rising. 'Then I will show you the place; and you can begin your attendance tomorrow

morning. In an hour, therefore, I shall see you. You too, Mr Westlock? Very good. Take care how you go. It's

With this remark, which seemed superfluous, he shut them out upon the staircase, and they groped their way

into the street again. The interview had done so little to remove the mystery in which Tom's new engagement

was involved, and had done so much to thicken it, that neither could help smiling at the puzzled looks of the

other. They agreed, however, that the introduction of Tom to his new office and office companions could

hardly fail to throw a light upon the subject; and therefore postponed its further consideration until after the

After looking at John Westlock's chambers, and devoting a few spare minutes to the Boar's Head, they issued

forth again to the place of meeting. The time agreed upon had not quite come; but Mr Fips was already at the

He led the way through sundry lanes and courts, into one more quiet and more gloomy than the rest, and,

singling out a certain house, ascended a common staircase; taking from his pocket, as he went, a bunch of

rusty keys. Stopping before a door upon an upper story, which had nothing but a yellow smear of paint where

custom would have placed the tenant's name, he began to beat the dust out of one of these keys, very

'You had better have a little plug made,' he said, looking round at Tom, after blowing a shrill whistle into the

barrel of the key. 'It's the only way of preventing them from getting stopped up. You'll find the lock go the

Tom thanked him; but was too much occupied with his own speculations, and John Westlock's looks, to be

very talkative. In the meantime Mr Fips opened the door, which yielded to his hand very unwillingly, and

with a horribly discordant sound. He took the key out, when he had done so, and gave it to Tom.

Truly, it did. Mr Fips might have gone so far as to say, very thick. It had accumulated everywhere; lay deep

on everything, and in one part, where a ray of sun shone through a crevice in the shutter and struck upon the

Dust was the only thing in the place that had any motion about it. When their conductor admitted the light

freely, and lifting up the heavy windowsash, let in the summer air, he showed the mouldering furniture,

discoloured wainscoting and ceiling, rusty stove, and ashy hearth, in all their inert neglect. Close to the door

there stood a candlestick, with an extinguisher upon it; as if the last man who had been there had paused, after

securing a retreat, to take a parting look at the dreariness he left behind, and then had shut out light and life

There were two rooms on that floor; and in the first or outer one a narrow staircase, leading to two more

above. These last were fitted up as bedchambers. Neither in them, nor in the rooms below, was any scarcity

of convenient furniture observable, although the fittings were of a bygone fashion; but solitude and want of

use seemed to have rendered it unfit for any purposes of comfort, and to have given it a grisly, haunted air.

Movables of every kind lay strewn about, without the least attempt at order, and were intermixed with boxes,

hampers, and all sorts of lumber. On all the floors were piles of books, to the amount, perhaps, of some

thousands of volumes: these, still in bales; those, wrapped in paper, as they had been purchased; others

scattered singly or in heaps; not one upon the shelves which lined the walls. To these Mr Fips called Tom's

'Before anything else can be done, we must have them put in order, catalogued, and ranged upon the

Tom rubbed his hands in the pleasant anticipation of a task so congenial to his taste, and said:

'An occupation full of interest for me, I assure you. It will occupy me, perhaps, until Mr.'

'Oh!' cried Mr Fips, pulling on his glove, 'didn't I? No, bythe bye, I don't think I did. Ah! I dare say he'll be

here soon. You will get on very well together, I have no doubt. I wish you success I am sure. You won't

forget to shut the door? It'll lock of itself if you slam it. Halfpast nine, you know. Let us say from half past

nine to four, or halfpast four, or thereabouts; one day, perhaps, a little earlier, another day, perhaps, a little

later, according as you feel disposed, and as you arrange your work. Mr Fips, Austin Friars of course you'll

He said all this in such a comfortable, easy manner, that Tom could only rub his hands, and nod his head, and

'And what's more, Tom,' said John Westlock, seating himself upon a pile of books, and looking up at his

astonished friend, 'he is evidently not coming back again; so here you are, installed. Under rather singular

It was such an odd affair throughout, and Tom standing there among the books with his hat in one hand and

the key in the other, looked so prodigiously confounded, that his friend could not help laughing heartily. Tom

himself was tickled; no less by the hilarity of his friend than by the recollection of the sudden manner in

which he had been brought to a stop, in the very height of his urbane conference with Mr Fips; so by degrees

Tom burst out laughing too; and each making the other laugh more, they fairly roared.

When they had had their laugh out, which did not happen very soon, for give John an inch that way and he

was sure to take several ells, being a jovial, goodtempered fellow, they looked about them more closely,

groping among the lumber for any stray means of enlightenment that might turn up. But no scrap or shred of

information could they find. The books were marked with a variety of owner's names, having, no doubt, been

bought at sales, and collected here and there at different times; but whether any one of these names belonged

to Tom's employer, and, if so, which of them, they had no means whatever of determining. It occurred to

John as a very bright thought to make inquiry at the steward's office, to whom the chambers belonged, or by

whom they were held; but he came back no wiser than he went, the answer being, 'Mr Fips, of Austin Friars.'

'After all, Tom, I begin to think it lies no deeper than this. Fips is an eccentric man; has some knowledge of

Pecksniff; despises him, of course; has heard or seen enough of you to know that you are the man he wants;

'Oh! why does any man entertain his own whimsical taste? Why does Mr Fips wear shorts and powder, and

Tom, being in that state of mind in which any explanation is a great relief, adopted this last one (which

indeed was quite as feasible as any other) readily, and said he had no doubt of it. Nor was his faith at all

shaken by his having said exactly the same thing to each suggestion of his friend's in turn, and being perfectly

As he had not, Tom drew down the windowsash, and folded the shutter; and they left the rooms. He closed

the door heavily, as Mr Fips had desired him; tried it, found it all safe, and put the key in his pocket.

They made a pretty wide circuit in going back to Islington, as they had time to spare, and Tom was never

tired of looking about him. It was well he had John Westlock for his companion, for most people would have

been weary of his perpetual stoppages at shopwindows, and his frequent dashes into the crowded

carriageway at the peril of his life, to get the better view of church steeples, and other public buildings. But

John was charmed to see him so much interested, and every time Tom came back with a beaming face from

among the wheels of carts and hackneycoaches, wholly unconscious of the personal congratulations

There was no flour on Ruth's hands when she received them in the triangular parlour, but there were pleasant

smiles upon her face, and a crowd of welcomes shining out of every smile, and gleaming in her bright eyes.

By the bye, how bright they were! Looking into them for but a moment, when you took her hand, you saw, in

each, such a capital miniature of yourself, representing you as such a restless, flashing, eager, brilliant little

Ah! if you could only have kept them for your own miniature! But, wicked, roving, restless, too impartial

eyes, it was enough for any one to stand before them, and, straightway, there he danced and sparkled quite as

The table was already spread for dinner; and though it was spread with nothing very choice in the way of

glass or linen, and with greenhandled knives, and very mountebanks of twopronged forks, which seemed

to be trying how far asunder they could possibly stretch their legs without converting themselves into double

the number of iron toothpicks, it wanted neither damask, silver, gold, nor china; no, nor any other garniture at

The success of that initiative dish; that first experiment of hers in cookery; was so entire, so unalloyed and

perfect, that John Westlock and Tom agreed she must have been studying the art in secret for a long time

past; and urged her to make a full confession of the fact. They were exceedingly merry over this jest, and

many smart things were said concerning it; but John was not as fair in his behaviour as might have been

expected, for, after luring Tom Pinch on for a long time, he suddenly went over to the enemy, and swore to

everything his sister said. However, as Tom observed the same night before going to bed, it was only in joke,

and John had always been famous for being polite to ladies, even when he was quite a boy. Ruth said, 'Oh!

It is astonishing how much three people may find to talk about. They scarcely left off talking once. And it

was not all lively chat which occupied them; for when Tom related how he had seen Mr Pecksniff's

John Westlock became quite absorbed in her fortunes; asking many questions of Tom Pinch about her

marriage, inquiring whether her husband was the gentleman whom Tom had brought to dine with him at

Salisbury; in what degree of relationship they stood towards each other, being different persons; and taking,

in short, the greatest interest in the subject. Tom then went into it, at full length; he told how Martin had gone

abroad, and had not been heard of for a long time; how Dragon Mark had borne him company; how Mr

Pecksniff had got the poor old doting grandfather into his power; and how he basely sought the hand of Mary

Graham. But not a word said Tom of what lay hidden in his heart; his heart, so deep, and true, and full of

honour, and yet with so much room for every gentle and unselfish thought; not a word.

Tom, Tom! The man in all this world most confident in his sagacity and shrewdness; the man in all this world

most proud of his distrust of other men, and having most to show in gold and silver as the gains belonging to

his creed; the meekest favourer of that wise doctrine, Every man for himself, and God for us all (there being

high wisdom in the thought that the Eternal Majesty of Heaven ever was, or can be, on the side of selfish lust

and love!); shall never find, oh, never find, be sure of that, the time come home to him, when all his wisdom

Well, well, Tom, it was simple too, though simple in a different way, to be so eager touching that same

theatre, of which John said, when tea was done, he had the absolute command, so far as taking parties in

without the payment of a sixpence was concerned; and simpler yet, perhaps, never to suspect that when he

went in first, alone, he paid the money! Simple in thee, dear Tom, to laugh and cry so heartily at such a sorry

show, so poorly shown; simple to be so happy and loquacious trudging home with Ruth; simple to be so

surprised to find that merry present of a cookerybook awaiting her in the parlour next morning, with the

beefsteakpuddingleaf turned down and blotted out. There! Let the record stand! Thy quality of soul was

There was a ghostly air about these uninhabited chambers in the Temple, and attending every circumstance of

Tom's employment there, which had a strange charm in it. Every morning when he shut his door at Islington,

he turned his face towards an atmosphere of unaccountable fascination, as surely as he turned it to the

London smoke; and from that moment it thickened round and round him all day long, until the time arrived

It seemed to Tom, every morning, that he approached this ghostly mist, and became enveloped in it, by the

easiest succession of degrees imaginable. Passing from the roar and rattle of the streets into the quiet

courtyards of the Temple, was the first preparation. Every echo of his footsteps sounded to him like a sound

from the old walls and pavements, wanting language to relate the histories of the dim, dismal rooms; to tell

him what lost documents were decaying in forgotten corners of the shutup cellars, from whose lattices such

mouldy sighs came breathing forth as he went past; to whisper of dark bins of rare old wine, bricked up in

vaults among the old foundations of the Halls; or mutter in a lower tone yet darker legends of the

crosslegged knights, whose marble effigies were in the church. With the first planting of his foot upon the

staircase of his dusty office, all these mysteries increased; until, ascending step by step, as Tom ascended,

Every day brought one recurring, neverfailing source of speculation. This employer; would he come today,

and what would he be like? For Tom could not stop short at Mr Fips; he quite believed that Mr Fips had

spoken truly, when he said he acted for another; and what manner of man that other was, became a

fullblown flower of wonder in the garden of Tom's fancy, which never faded or got trodden down.

At one time, he conceived that Mr Pecksniff, repenting of his falsehood, might, by exertion of his influence

with some third person have devised these means of giving him employment. He found this idea so

insupportable after what had taken place between that good man and himself, that he confided it to John

Westlock on the very same day; informing John that he would rather ply for hire as a porter, than fall so low

in his own esteem as to accept the smallest obligation from the hands of Mr Pecksniff. But John assured him

that he (Tom Pinch) was far from doing justice to the character of Mr Pecksniff yet, if he supposed that

gentleman capable of performing a generous action; and that he might make his mind quite easy on that head

until he saw the sun turn green and the moon black, and at the same time distinctly perceived with the naked

eye, twelve firstrate comets careering round those planets. In which unusual state of things, he said (and not

before), it might become not absolutely lunatic to suspect Mr Pecksniff of anything so monstrous. In short he

laughed the idea down completely; and Tom, abandoning it, was thrown upon his beamends again, for some

In the meantime Tom attended to his duties daily, and made considerable progress with the books; which

were already reduced to some sort of order, and made a great appearance in his fairly written catalogue.

During his business hours, he indulged himself occasionally with snatches of reading; which were often,

indeed, a necessary part of his pursuit; and as he usually made bold to carry one of these goblin volumes

home at night (always bringing it back again next morning, in case his strange employer should appear and

ask what had become of it), he led a happy, quiet, studious kind of life, after his own heart.

But though the books were never so interesting, and never so full of novelty to Tom, they could not so

enchain him, in those mysterious chambers, as to render him unconscious, for a moment, of the lightest

sound. Any footstep on the flags without set him listening attentively and when it turned into that house, and

came up, up, up the stairs, he always thought with a beating heart, 'Now I am coming face to face with him at

This mystery and loneliness engendered fancies in Tom's mind, the folly of which his common sense could

readily discover, but which his common sense was quite unable to keep away, notwithstanding; that quality

being with most of us, in such a case, like the old French Policequick at detection, but very weak as a

preventive power. Misgivings, undefined, absurd, inexplicable, that there was some one hiding in the inner

roomwalking softly overhead, peeping in through the doorchink, doing something stealthy, anywhere

where he was notcame over him a hundred times a day, making it pleasant to throw up the sash, and hold

communication even with the sparrows who had built in the roof and waterspout, and were twittering about

He sat with the outer door wide open, at all times, that he might hear the footsteps as they entered, and turned

off into the chambers on the lower floor. He formed odd prepossessions too, regarding strangers in the streets;

and would say within himself of such or such a man, who struck him as having anything uncommon in his

dress or aspect, 'I shouldn't wonder, now, if that were he!' But it never was. And though he actually turned

back and followed more than one of these suspected individuals, in a singular belief that they were going to

the place he was then upon his way from, he never got any other satisfaction by it, than the satisfaction of

Mr Fips, of Austin Friars, rather deepened than illumined the obscurity of his position; for on the first

Tom thought he was going to tell him a secret; so he said that he wouldn't on any account, and that Mr Fips

might entirely depend upon him. But as Mr Fips said 'Very good,' in reply, and nothing more, Tom prompted

'Oh dear no!' cried Fips. 'Not at all.' However, seeing Tom confused, he added, 'I mean that you needn't

mention any particulars about your place of employment, to people generally. You'll find it better not.'

'I have not had the pleasure of seeing my employer yet, sir,' observed Tom, putting his week's salary in his

'I should like to thank him, and to know that what I have done so far, is done to his satisfaction,' faltered Tom.

'I shall soon have finished with the books,' he said. 'I hope that will not terminate my engagement, sir, or

'Oh dear no!' retorted Fips. 'Plenty to do; plenty to do! Be careful how you go. It's rather dark.'

This was the very utmost extent of information Tom could ever get out of HIM. So it was dark enough in all

conscience; and if Mr Fips expressed himself with a double meaning, he had good reason for doing so.

But now a circumstance occurred, which helped to divert Tom's thoughts from even this mystery, and to

The way it came about was this. Having always been an early riser and having now no organ to engage him

in sweet converse every morning, it was his habit to take a long walk before going to the Temple; and

naturally inclining, as a stranger, towards those parts of the town which were conspicuous for the life and

animation pervading them, he became a great frequenter of the marketplaces, bridges, quays, and especially

the steamboat wharves; for it was very lively and fresh to see the people hurrying away upon their many

schemes of business or pleasure, and it made Tom glad to think that there was that much change and freedom

In most of these morning excursions Ruth accompanied him. As their landlord was always up and away at his

business (whatever that might be, no one seemed to know) at a very early hour, the habits of the people of the

house in which they lodged corresponded with their own. Thus they had often finished their breakfast, and

were out in the summer air, by seven o'clock. After a two hours' stroll they parted at some convenient point;

Tom going to the Temple, and his sister returning home, as methodically as you please.

Many and many a pleasant stroll they had in Covent Garden Market; snuffing up the perfume of the fruits and

flowers, wondering at the magnificence of the pineapples and melons; catching glimpses down side avenues,

of rows and rows of old women, seated on inverted baskets, shelling peas; looking unutterable things at the

fat bundles of asparagus with which the dainty shops were fortified as with a breastwork; and, at the

herbalist's doors, gratefully inhaling scents as of vealstuffing yet uncooked, dreamily mixed up with

capsicums, brownpaper, seeds, even with hints of lusty snails and fine young curly leeches. Many and many

a pleasant stroll they had among the poultry markets, where ducks and fowls, with necks unnaturally long, lay

stretched out in pairs, ready for cooking; where there were speckled eggs in mossy baskets, white country

sausages beyond impeachment by surviving cat or dog, or horse or donkey; new cheeses to any wild extent,

live birds in coops and cages, looking much too big to be natural, in consequence of those receptacles being

much too little; rabbits, alive and dead, innumerable. Many a pleasant stroll they had among the cool,

refreshing, silvery fishstalls, with a kind of moonlight effect about their stockintrade, excepting always

for the ruddy lobsters. Many a pleasant stroll among the waggonloads of fragrant hay, beneath which dogs

and tired waggoners lay fast asleep, oblivious of the pieman and the publichouse. But never half so good a

There they lay, alongside of each other; hard and fast for ever, to all appearance, but designing to get out

somehow, and quite confident of doing it; and in that faith shoals of passengers, and heaps of luggage, were

proceeding hurriedly on board. Little steam boats dashed up and down the stream incessantly. Tiers upon

tiers of vessels, scores of masts, labyrinths of tackle, idle sails, splashing oars, gliding rowboats, lumbering

barges, sunken piles, with ugly lodgings for the waterrat within their muddiscoloured nooks; church

steeples, warehouses, houseroofs, arches, bridges, men and women, children, casks, cranes, boxes horses,

coaches, idlers, and hardlabourers; there they were, all jumbled up together, any summer morning, far

In the midst of all this turmoil there was an incessant roar from every packet's funnel, which quite expressed

and carried out the uppermost emotion of the scene. They all appeared to be perspiring and bothering

themselves, exactly as their passengers did; they never left off fretting and chafing, in their own hoarse

manner, once; but were always panting out, without any stops, 'Come along do make haste I'm very nervous

come along oh good gracious we shall never get there how late you are do make haste I'm off directly come

Even when they had left off, and had got safely out into the current, on the smallest provocation they began

again; for the bravest packet of them all, being stopped by some entanglement in the river, would

immediately begin to fume and pant afresh, 'oh here's a stoppage what's the matter do go on there I'm in a

hurry it's done on purpose did you ever oh my goodness DO go on here!' and so, in a state of mind bordering

on distraction, would be last seen drifting slowly through the mist into the summer light beyond, that made it

Tom's ship, however; or, at least, the packetboat in which Tom and his sister took the greatest interest on

one particular occasion; was not off yet, by any means; but was at the height of its disorder. The press of

passengers was very great; another steam boat lay on each side of her; the gangways were choked up;

distracted women, obviously bound for Gravesend, but turning a deaf ear to all representations that this

particular vessel was about to sail for Antwerp, persisted in secreting baskets of refreshments behind

It was so amusing, that Tom, with Ruth upon his arm, stood looking down from the wharf, as nearly

regardless as it was in the nature of flesh and blood to be, of an elderly lady behind him, who had brought a

large umbrella with her, and didn't know what to do with it. This tremendous instrument had a hooked

handle; and its vicinity was first made known to him by a painful pressure on the windpipe, consequent upon

its having caught him round the throat. Soon after disengaging himself with perfect good humour, he had a

sensation of the ferule in his back; immediately afterwards, of the hook entangling his ankles; then of the

umbrella generally, wandering about his hat, and flapping at it like a great bird; and, lastly, of a poke or thrust

below the ribs, which give him such exceeding anguish, that he could not refrain from turning round to offer

Upon his turning round, he found the owner of the umbrella struggling on tiptoe, with a countenance

expressive of violent animosity, to look down upon the steamboats; from which he inferred that she had

The lady cried out fiercely, 'Where's the pelisse!'meaning the constabularyand went on to say, shaking

the handle of the umbrella at Tom, that but for them fellers never being in the way when they was wanted,

'If they greased their whiskers less, and minded the duties which they're paid so heavy for, a little more,' she

She had been grievously knocked about, no doubt, for her bonnet was bent into the shape of a cocked hat.

Being a fat little woman, too, she was in a state of great exhaustion and intense heat. Instead of pursuing the

altercation, therefore, Tom civilly inquired what boat she wanted to go on board of?

'I suppose,' returned the lady, 'as nobody but yourself can want to look at a steam package, without wanting to

'Which one do you want to look at then?' said Tom. 'We'll make room for you if we can. Don't be so

'No blessed creetur as ever I was with in trying times,' returned the lady, somewhat softened, 'and they're a

many in their numbers, ever brought it as a charge again myself that I was anythin' but mild and equal in my

spirits. Never mind a contradicting of me, if you seem to feel it does you good, ma'am, I often says, for well

you know that Sairey may be trusted not to give it back again. But I will not denige that I am worrited and

By this time, Mrs Gamp (for it was no other than that experienced practitioner) had, with Tom's assistance,

squeezed and worked herself into a small corner between Ruth and the rail; where, after breathing very hard

for some little time, and performing a short series of dangerous evolutions with her umbrella, she managed to

'And which of all them smoking monsters is the Ankworks boat, I wonder. Goodness me!' cried Mrs Gamp.

'The Ankworks package,' Mrs Gamp replied. 'I will not deceive you, my sweet. Why should I?'

'And I wish it was in Jonadge's belly, I do,' cried Mrs Gamp; appearing to confound the prophet with the

Ruth said nothing in reply; but, as Mrs Gamp, laying her chin against the cool iron of the rail, continued to

look intently at the Antwerp boat, and every now and then to give a little groan, she inquired whether any

child of hers was going aboard that morning? Or perhaps her husband, she said kindly.

'Which shows,' said Mrs Gamp, casting up her eyes, 'what a little way you've travelled into this wale of life,

my dear young creetur! As a good friend of mine has frequent made remark to me, which her name, my love,

is Harris, Mrs Harris through the square and up the steps aturnin' round by the tobacker shop, "Oh Sairey,

Sairey, little do we know wot lays afore us!" "Mrs Harris, ma'am," I says, "not much, it's true, but more than

you suppoge. Our calcilations, ma'am," I says, "respectin' wot the number of a family will be, comes most

times within one, and oftener than you would suppoge, exact." "Sairey," says Mrs Harris, in a awful way,

"Tell me wot is my indiwidgle number." "No, Mrs Harris," I says to her, "excuge me, if you please. My

own," I says, "has fallen out of threepair backs, and had damp doorsteps settled on their lungs, and one was

turned up smilin' in a bedstead unbeknown. Therefore, ma'am," I says, "seek not to proticipate, but take 'em

as they come and as they go." Mine,' says Mrs Gamp, 'mine is all gone, my dear young chick. And as to

husbands, there's a wooden leg gone likeways home to its account, which in its constancy of walkin' into

wine vaults, and never comin' out again 'till fetched by force, was quite as weak as flesh, if not weaker.'

When she had delivered this oration, Mrs Gamp leaned her chin upon the cool iron again; and looking

'I wouldn't,' said Mrs Gamp, 'I wouldn't be a man and have such a think upon my mind!but nobody as

Tom and his sister glanced at each other; and Ruth, after a moment's hesitation, asked Mrs Gamp what

'Worse luck,' proceeded Mrs Gamp, 'for all parties! But others is married, and in the marriage state; and there

is a dear young creetur acomin' down this mornin' to that very package, which is no more fit to trust herself

She paused here to look over the deck of the packet in question, and on the steps leading down to it, and on

the gangways. Seeming to have thus assured herself that the object of her commiseration had not yet arrived,

she raised her eyes gradually up to the top of the escapepipe, and indignantly apostrophised the vessel:

'Oh, drat you!' said Mrs Gamp, shaking her umbrella at it, 'you're a nice spluttering nisy monster for a delicate

young creetur to go and be a passinger by; ain't you! YOU never do no harm in that way, do you? With your

hammering, and roaring, and hissing, and lampiling, you brute! Them Confugion steamers,' said Mrs Gamp,

shaking her umbrella again, 'has done more to throw us out of our reg'lar work and bring ewents on at times

when nobody counted on 'em (especially them screeching railroad ones), than all the other frights that ever

was took. I have heerd of one young man, a guard upon a railway, only three years openedwell does Mrs

Harris know him, which indeed he is her own relation by her sister's marriage with a master sawyeras is

godfather at this present time to sixandtwenty blessed little strangers, equally unexpected, and all on 'um

named after the Ingeines as was the cause. Ugh!' said Mrs Gamp, resuming her apostrophe, 'one might easy

know you was a man's inwention, from your disregardlessness of the weakness of our naturs, so one might,

It would not have been unnatural to suppose, from the first part of Mrs Gamp's lamentations, that she was

connected with the stagecoaching or posthorsing trade. She had no means of judging of the effect of her

concluding remarks upon her young companion; for she interrupted herself at this point, and exclaimed:

'There she identically goes! Poor sweet young creetur, there she goes, like a lamb to the sacrifige! If there's

any illness when that wessel gets to sea,' said Mrs Gamp, prophetically, 'it's murder, and I'm the witness for

She was so very earnest on the subject, that Tom's sister (being as kind as Tom himself) could not help saying

'There!' groaned Mrs Gamp. 'There she goes! Acrossin' the little wooden bridge at this minute. She's

aslippin' on a bit of orangepeel!' tightly clutching her umbrella. 'What a turn it give me.'

'Do you mean the lady who is with that man wrapped up from head to foot in a large cloak, so that his face is

'Well he may hide it!' Mrs Gamp replied. 'He's good call to be ashamed of himself. Did you see him ajerking

'Now he's ataking of her down into the close cabin!' said Mrs Gamp, impatiently. 'What's the man about!

He did not, whatever his reason was, but led her quickly down and disappeared himself, without loosening

his cloak, or pausing on the crowded deck one moment longer than was necessary to clear their way to that

Tom had not heard this little dialogue; for his attention had been engaged in an unexpected manner. A hand

upon his sleeve had caused him to look round, just when Mrs Gamp concluded her apostrophe to the

steamengine; and on his right arm, Ruth being on his left, he found their landlord, to his great surprise.

He was not so much surprised at the man's being there, as at his having got close to him so quietly and

swiftly; for another person had been at his elbow one instant before; and he had not in the meantime been

conscious of any change or pressure in the knot of people among whom he stood. He and Ruth had frequently

remarked how noiselessly this landlord of theirs came into and went out of his own house; but Tom was not

'I beg your pardon, Mr Pinch,' he said in his ear. 'I am rather infirm, and out of breath, and my eyes are not

very good. I am not as young as I was, sir. You don't see a gentleman in a large cloak down yonder, with a

If HE did not, it was curious that in speaking he should have singled out from all the crowd the very people

whom he described; and should have glanced hastily from them to Tom, as if he were burning to direct his

'A gentleman in a large cloak!' said Tom, 'and a lady in a black shawl! Let me see!'

'Yes, yes!' replied the other, with keen impatience. 'A gentleman muffled up from head to footstrangely

muffled up for such a morning as thislike an invalid, with his hand to his face at this minute, perhaps. No,

no, no! not there,' he added, following Tom's gaze; 'the other way; in that direction; down yonder.' Again he

indicated, but this time in his hurry, with his outstretched finger, the very spot on which the progress of these

'There are so many people, and so much motion, and so many objects,' said Tom, 'that I find it difficult

tono, I really don't see a gentleman in a large cloak, and a lady in a black shawl. There's a lady in a red

'No, no, no!' cried his landlord, pointing eagerly again, 'not there. The other way; the other way. Look at the

cabin steps. To the left. They must be near the cabin steps. Do you see the cabin steps? There's the bell

'Stay!' said Tom, 'you're right. Look! there they go now. Is that the gentleman you mean? Descending at this

'The very man!' returned the other, not looking at what Tom pointed out, however, but at Tom's own face.

'Will you do me a kindness, sir, a great kindness? Will you put that letter in his hand? Only give him that! He

expects it. I am charged to do it by my employers, but I am late in finding him, and, not being as young as I

have been, should never be able to make my way on board and off the deck again in time. Will you pardon

His hands shook, and his face bespoke the utmost interest and agitation, as he pressed the letter upon Tom,

To hesitate in the performance of a goodnatured or compassionate office was not in Tom's way. He took the

letter; whispered Ruth to wait till he returned, which would be immediately; and ran down the steps with all

the expedition he could make. There were so many people going down, so many others coming up, such

heavy goods in course of transit to and fro, such a ringing of bell, blowingoff of steam, and shouting of

men's voices, that he had much ado to force his way, or keep in mind to which boat he was going. But he

reached the right one with good speed, and going down the cabinstairs immediately, described the object of

his search standing at the upper end of the saloon, with his back towards him, reading some notice which was

hung against the wall. As Tom advanced to give him the letter, he started, hearing footsteps, and turned

What was Tom's astonishment to find in him the man with whom he had had the conflict in the fieldpoor

Tom understood him to say, what the devil did he want; but it was not easy to make out what he said; he

'I want nothing with you for myself,' said Tom; 'I was asked, a moment since, to give you this letter. You

He did so, opened it, and read the writing on the inside. The contents were evidently very brief; not more

perhaps than one line; but they struck upon him like a stone from a sling. He reeled back as he read.

His emotion was so different from any Tom had ever seen before that he stopped involuntarily. Momentary

as his state of indecision was, the bell ceased while he stood there, and a hoarse voice calling down the steps,

'Yes,' cried Jonas, 'II am coming. Give me time. Where's that woman! Come back; come back here.'

He threw open another door as he spoke, and dragged, rather than led, her forth. She was pale and frightened,

and amazed to see her old acquaintance; but had no time to speak, for they were making a great stir above;

'We are going back,' said Jonas. 'I have changed my mind. I can't go. Don't question me, or I shall be the

death of you, or some one else. Stop there! Stop! We're for the shore. Do you hear? We're for the shore!'

He turned, even in the madness of his hurry, and scowling darkly back at Tom, shook his clenched hand at

him. There are not many human faces capable of the expression with which he accompanied that gesture.

He dragged her up, and Tom followed them. Across the deck, over the side, along the crazy plank, and up the

steps, he dragged her fiercely; not bestowing any look on her, but gazing upwards all the while among the

faces on the wharf. Suddenly he turned again, and said to Tom with a tremendous oath:

Before Tom, in his indignation and amazement, could return an answer to a question he so little understood, a

gentleman approached Tom behind, and saluted Jonas Chuzzlewit by name. He has a gentleman of foreign

appearance, with a black moustache and whiskers; and addressed him with a polite composure, strangely

'Chuzzlewit, my good fellow!' said the gentleman, raising his hat in compliment to Mrs Chuzzlewit, 'I ask

your pardon twenty thousand times. I am most unwilling to interfere between you and a domestic trip of this

nature (always so very charming and refreshing, I know, although I have not the happiness to be a domestic

man myself, which is the great infelicity of my existence); but the beehive, my dear friend, the beehivewill

'The most unhappy and most penitent of men, Mrs Chuzzlewit,' pursued that gentleman, 'for having been the

means of spoiling this excursion; but as I tell my friend, the beehive, the beehive. You projected a short little

'May I die,' cried Montague, 'but I am shocked! Upon my soul I am shocked. But that confounded beehive of

ours in the city must be paramount to every other consideration, when there is honey to be made; and that is

my best excuse. Here is a very singular old female dropping curtseys on my right,' said Montague, breaking

off in his discourse, and looking at Mrs Gamp, 'who is not a friend of mine. Does anybody know her?'

'Ah! Well they knows me, bless their precious hearts!' said Mrs Gamp, 'not forgettin' your own merry one, sir,

and long may it be so! Wishin' as every one' (she delivered this in the form of a toast or sentiment) 'was as

merry, and as handsomelookin', as a little bird has whispered me a certain gent is, which I will not name for

fear I give offence where none is doo! My precious lady,' here she stopped short in her merriment, for she had

'I hope, sir,' returned Mrs Gamp, dropping an indignant curtsey, 'as no bones is broke by me and Mrs Harris

awalkin' down upon a public wharf. Which was the very words she says to me (although they was the last I

ever had to speak) was these: "Sairey," she says, "is it a public wharf?" Mrs Harris," I makes answer, "can

you doubt it? You have know'd me now, ma'am, eight and thirty year; and did you ever know me go, or wish

to go, where I was not made welcome, say the words." "No, Sairey," Mrs Harris says, "contrairy quite." And

well she knows it too. I am but a poor woman, but I've been sought after, sir, though you may not think it.

I've been knocked up at all hours of the night, and warned out by a many landlords, in consequence of being

mistook for Fire. I goes out workin' for my bread, 'tis true, but I maintains my independency, with your kind

leave, and which I will till death. I has my feelins as a woman, sir, and I have been a mother likeways; but

touch a pipkin as belongs to me, or make the least remarks on what I eats or drinks, and though you was the

favouritest young for'ard hussy of a servant gal as ever come into a house, either you leaves the place, or

me. My earnins is not great, sir, but I will not be impoged upon. Bless the babe, and save the mother, is my

mortar, sir; but I makes so free as add to that, Don't try no impogician with the Nuss, for she will not abear it!'

Mrs Gamp concluded by drawing her shawl tightly over herself with both hands, and, as usual, referring to

Mrs Harris for full corroboration of these particulars. She had that peculiar trembling of the head which, in

ladies of her excitable nature, may be taken as a sure indication of their breaking out again very shortly; when

'As you ARE here,' he said, 'you had better see to her, and take her home. I am otherwise engaged.' He said

nothing more; but looked at Montague as if to give him notice that he was ready to attend him.

Jonas gave him a sinister look, which long lived in Tom's memory, and which he often recalled afterwards.

He said nothing more. He said even this as if he were bound, and in the other's power, but had a sullen and

suppressed devil within him, which he could not quite resist. His very gait, as they walked away together,

was like that of a fettered man; but, striving to work out at his clenched hands, knitted brows, and fastset

The whole of this extraordinary scene had passed so rapidly and the tumult which prevailed around as so

unconscious of any impression from it, that, although Tom had been one of the chief actors, it was like a

dream. No one had noticed him after they had left the packet. He had stood behind Jonas, and so near him,

that he could not help hearing all that passed. He had stood there, with his sister on his arm, expecting and

hoping to have an opportunity of explaining his strange share in this yet stranger business. But Jonas had not

raised his eyes from the ground; no one else had even looked towards him; and before he could resolve on

He gazed round for his landlord. But he had done that more than once already, and no such man was to be

seen. He was still pursuing this search with his eyes, when he saw a hand beckoning to him from a

hackneycoach; and hurrying towards it, found it was Merry's. She addressed him hurriedly, but bent out of

'What is it?' she said. 'Good heaven, what is it? Why did he tell me last night to prepare for a long journey,

and why have you brought us back like criminals? Dear Mr Pinch!' she clasped her hands distractedly, 'be

merciful to us. Whatever this dreadful secret is, be merciful, and God will bless you!'

'If any power of mercy lay with me,' cried Tom, 'trust me, you shouldn't ask in vain. But I am far more

She withdrew into the coach again, and he saw the hand waving towards him for a moment; but whether in

reproachfulness or incredulity or misery, or grief, or sad adieu, or what else, he could not, being so hurried,

understand. SHE was gone now; and Ruth and he were left to walk away, and wonder.

Had Mr Nadgett appointed the man who never came, to meet him upon London Bridge that morning? He was

certainly looking over the parapet, and down upon the steamboatwharf at that moment. It could not have

been for pleasure; he never took pleasure. No. He must have had some business there.

The office of the AngloBengalee Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance Company being near at hand, and

Mr Montague driving Jonas straight there, they had very little way to go. But the journey might have been

one of several hours' duration, without provoking a remark from either; for it was clear that Jonas did not

mean to break the silence which prevailed between them, and that it was not, as yet, his dear friend's cue to

He had thrown aside his cloak, as having now no motive for concealment, and with that garment huddled on

his knees, sat as far removed from his companion as the limited space in such a carriage would allow. There

was a striking difference in his manner, compared with what it had been, within a few minutes, when Tom

encountered him so unexpectedly on board the packet, or when the ugly change had fallen on him in Mr

Montague's dressingroom. He had the aspect of a man found out and held at bay; of being baffled, hunted,

and beset; but there was now a dawning and increasing purpose in his face, which changed it very much. It

was gloomy, distrustful, lowering; pale with anger and defeat; it still was humbled, abject, cowardly and

mean; but, let the conflict go on as it would, there was one strong purpose wrestling with every emotion of

Not prepossessing in appearance at the best of times, it may be readily supposed that he was not so now. He

had left deep marks of his front teeth in his nether lip; and those tokens of the agitation he had lately

undergone improved his looks as little as the heavy corrugations in his forehead. But he was selfpossessed

now; unnaturally selfpossessed, indeed, as men quite otherwise than brave are known to be in desperate

extremities; and when the carriage stopped, he waited for no invitation, but leapt hardily out, and went

The chairman followed him; and closing the boardroom door as soon as they had entered, threw himself

upon a sofa. Jonas stood before the window, looking down into the street; and leaned against the sash, resting

'This is not handsome, Chuzzlewit!' said Montague at length. 'Not handsome upon my soul!'

'What would you have me do?' he answered, looking round abruptly; 'What do you expect?'

'Confidence, my good fellow. Some confidence!' said Montague in an injured tone.

'Do I not?' said his companion, raising his head, and looking at him, but he had turned again. 'Do I not? Have

I not confided to you the easy schemes I have formed for our advantage; OUR advantage, mind; not mine

'Who said? Come, come. A foreign boat, my friend, an early hour, a figure wrapped up for disguise! Who

said? If you didn't mean to jilt me, why were you there? If you didn't mean to jilt me, why did you come

Jonas stood quite silent; still looking down into the street, and resting his head upon his arms.

'Now, Chuzzlewit,' said Montague, 'notwithstanding what has passed I will be plain with you. Are you

'You are a little chafed, but I can make allowance for that, and am, fortunately, myself in the very best of

tempers. Now, let us see how circumstances stand. A day or two ago, I mentioned to you, my dear fellow,

'Will you hold your tongue?' said Jonas, looking fiercely round, and glancing at the door.

'Well, well!' said Montague. 'Judicious! Quite correct! My discoveries being published, would be like many

other men's discoveries in this honest world; of no further use to me. You see, Chuzzlewit, how ingenuous

and frank I am in showing you the weakness of my own position! To return. I make, or think I make, a certain

discovery which I take an early opportunity of mentioning in your ear, in that spirit of confidence which I

really hoped did prevail between us, and was reciprocated by you. Perhaps there is something in it; perhaps

there is nothing. I have my knowledge and opinion on the subject. You have yours. We will not discuss the

question. But, my good fellow, you have been weak; what I wish to point out to you is, that you have been

weak. I may desire to turn this little incident to my account (indeed, I doI'll not deny it), but my account

'What do you call using it against me?' asked Jonas, who had not yet changed his attitude.

'Ecod,' muttered Jonas, bitterly. 'That's the use in which your account DOES lie. You speak the truth there.'

'I wish you to venture (it's a very safe venture) a little more with us, certainly, and to keep quiet,' said

Montague. 'You promised me you would; and you must. I say it plainly, Chuzzlewit, you MUST. Reason the

matter. If you don't, my secret is worthless to me: and being so, it may as well become the public property as

mine; better, for I shall gain some credit, bringing it to light. I want you, besides, to act as a decoy in a case I

have already told you of. You don't mind that, I know. You care nothing for the man (you care nothing for

any man; you are too sharp; so am I, I hope); and could bear any loss of his with pious fortitude. Ha, ha, ha!

You have tried to escape from the first consequence. You cannot escape it, I assure you. I have shown you

that today. Now, I am not a moral man, you know. I am not the least in the world affected by anything you

may have done; by any little indiscretion you may have committed; but I wish to profit by it if I can; and to a

man of your intelligence I make that free confession. I am not at all singular in that infirmity. Everybody

profits by the indiscretion of his neighbour; and the people in the best repute, the most. Why do you give me

this trouble? It must come to a friendly agreement, or an unfriendly crash. It must. If the former, you are very

Jonas left the window, and walked up close to him. He did not look him in the face; it was not his habit to do

that; but he kept his eyes towards himon his breast, or thereaboutsand was at great pains to speak slowly

and distinctly in reply. Just as a man in a state of conscious drunkenness might be.

'Lying is of no use now,' he said. 'I DID think of getting away this morning, and making better terms with you

'To be sure! to be sure!' replied Montague. 'Nothing more natural. I foresaw that, and provided against it. But

'How the devil,' pursued Jonas, with a still greater effort, 'you made choice of your messenger, and where you

found him, I'll not ask you. I owed him one good turn before today. If you are so careless of men in general,

as you said you were just now, you are quite indifferent to what becomes of such a croptailed cur as that,

If he had raised his eyes to his companion's face, he would have seen that Montague was evidently unable to

comprehend his meaning. But continuing to stand before him, with his furtive gaze directed as before, and

pausing here only to moisten his dry lips with his tongue, the fact was lost upon him. It might have struck a

close observer that this fixed and steady glance of Jonas's was a part of the alteration which had taken place

in his demeanour. He kept it riveted on one spot, with which his thoughts had manifestly nothing to do; like

as a juggler walking on a cord or wire to any dangerous end, holds some object in his sight to steady him, and

Montague was quick in his rejoinder, though he made it at a venture. There was no difference of opinion

'Your great discovery,' Jonas proceeded, with a savage sneer that got the better of him for the moment, 'may

be true, and may be false. Whichever it is, I dare say I'm no worse than other men.'

'I want to know this,' Jonas went on to say; 'is it your own? You'll not wonder at my asking the question.'

'Aye!' returned the other, gruffly. 'Is it known to anybody else? Come! Don't waver about that.'

'No!' said Montague, without the smallest hesitation. 'What would it be worth, do you think, unless I had the

Now, for the first time, Jonas looked at him. After a pause, he put out his hand, and said, with a laugh:

'Come! make things easy to me, and I'm yours. I don't know that I may not be better off here, after all, than if

I had gone away this morning. But here I am, and here I'll stay now. Take your oath!'

'Ecod!' cried Jonas, with a wild laugh. 'There's some fun in catching that old hypocrite. I hate him. Shall I go

'Aye! This,' said Montague, ecstatically, 'is like business! We understand each other now! Tonight, my good

'Come with me,' cried Jonas. 'We must make a dash; go down in state, and carry documents, for he's a deep

file to deal with, and must be drawn on with an artful hand, or he'll not follow. I know him. As I can't take

His friend appeared to hesitate; and neither to have anticipated this proposal, nor to relish it very much.

'We can concert our plans upon the road,' said Jonas. 'We must not go direct to him, but cross over from some

other place, and turn out of our way to see him. I may not want to introduce you, but I must have you on the

'He know!' cried Jonas. 'Don't you run that risk with fifty men a day! Would your father know you? Did I

know you? Ecod! You were another figure when I saw you first. Ha, ha, ha! I see the rents and patches now!

No false hair then, no black dye! You were another sort of joker in those days, you were! You even spoke

different then. You've acted the gentleman so seriously since, that you've taken in yourself. If he should know

you, what does it matter? Such a change is a proof of your success. You know that, or you would not have

'Trust me! Ecod, you may trust me now, far enough. I'll try to go away no moreno more!' He stopped, and

'I will,' said Montague, 'if that's your opinion.' And they shook hands upon it.

The boisterous manner which Jonas had exhibited during the latter part of this conversation, and which had

gone on rapidly increasing with almost every word he had spoken, from the time when he looked his

honourable friend in the face until now, did not now subside, but, remaining at its height, abided by him.

Most unusual with him at any period; most inconsistent with his temper and constitution; especially unnatural

it would appear in one so darkly circumstanced; it abided by him. It was not like the effect of wine, or any

ardent drink, for he was perfectly coherent. It even made him proof against the usual influence of such means

of excitement; for, although he drank deeply several times that day, with no reserve or caution, he remained

exactly the same man, and his spirits neither rose nor fell in the least observable degree.

Deciding, after some discussion, to travel at night, in order that the day's business might not be broken in

upon, they took counsel together in reference to the means. Mr Montague being of opinion that four horses

were advisable, at all events for the first stage, as throwing a great deal of dust into people's eyes, in more

senses than one, a travelling chariot and four lay under orders for nine o'clock. Jonas did not go home;

observing, that his being obliged to leave town on business in so great a hurry, would be a good excuse for

having turned back so unexpectedly in the morning. So he wrote a note for his portmanteau, and sent it by a

messenger, who duly brought his luggage back, with a short note from that other piece of luggage, his wife,

expressive of her wish to be allowed to come and see him for a moment. To this request he sent for answer,

'she had better;' and one such threatening affirmative being sufficient, in defiance of the English grammar, to

Mr Montague being much engaged in the course of the day, Jonas bestowed his spirits chiefly on the doctor,

with whom he lunched in the medical officer's own room. On his way thither, encountering Mr Nadgett in the

outer room, he bantered that stealthy gentleman on always appearing anxious to avoid him, and inquired if he

were afraid of him. Mr Nadgett slyly answered, 'No, but he believed it must be his way as he had been

Mr Montague was listening to, or, to speak with greater elegance, he overheard, this dialogue. As soon as

Jonas was gone he beckoned Nadgett to him with the feather of his pen, and whispered in his ear.

'I found him on the wharf, sir. Being so much hurried, and you not arrived, it was necessary to do something.

It fortunately occurred to me, that if I gave it him myself I could be of no further use. I should have been

'Mr Nadgett, you are a jewel,' said Montague, patting him on the back. 'What's your lodger's name?'

They parted without another word. To see Mr Nadgett's bow when Montague and he next met, and to see Mr

Montague acknowledge it, anybody might have undertaken to swear that they had never spoken to each other

In the meanwhile, Mr Jonas and the doctor made themselves very comfortable upstairs, over a bottle of the

old Madeira and some sandwiches; for the doctor having been already invited to dine below at six o'clock,

preferred a light repast for lunch. It was advisable, he said, in two points of view: First, as being healthy in

'And you are bound for all our sakes to take particular care of your digestion, Mr Chuzzlewit, my dear sir,'

said the doctor smacking his lips after a glass of wine; 'for depend upon it, it is worth preserving. It must be in

admirable condition, sir; perfect chronometerwork. Otherwise your spirits could not be so remarkable. Your

bosom's lord sits lightly on its throne, Mr Chuzzlewit, as what'shisname says in the play. I wish he said it

in a play which did anything like common justice to our profession, by the bye. There is an apothecary in that

Mr Jobling pulled out his shirtfrill of fine linen, as though he would have said, 'This is what I call nature in a

Jonas not being in a condition to pursue the subject, took up a case of lancets that was lying on the table, and

'Ah!' said the doctor, leaning back in his chair, 'I always take 'em out of my pocket before I eat. My pockets

Jonas had opened one of the shining little instruments; and was scrutinizing it with a look as sharp and eager

'Yees,' replied the doctor, with the faltering modesty of ownership. 'One might open a vein pretty

'It has opened a good many in its time, I suppose?' said Jonas looking at it with a growing interest.

'Not a few, my dear sir, not a few. It has been engaged in ain a pretty good practice, I believe I may say,'

replied the doctor, coughing as if the matteroffact were so very dry and literal that he couldn't help it. 'In a

pretty good practice,' repeated the doctor, putting another glass of wine to his lips.

'Oh certainly, certainly, if you took him in the right place,' returned the doctor. 'It all depends upon that.'

'Where you have your hand now, hey?' cried Jonas, bending forward to look at it.

Jonas, in his vivacity, made a sudden sawing in the air, so close behind the doctor's jugular that he turned

quite red. Then Jonas (in the same strange spirit of vivacity) burst into a loud discordant laugh.

'No, no,' said the doctor, shaking his head; 'edge tools, edge tools; never play with 'em. A very remarkable

instance of the skillful use of edgetools, by the way, occurs to me at this moment. It was a case of murder. I

am afraid it was a case of murder, committed by a member of our profession; it was so artistically done.'

'Why, sir,' returned Jobling, 'the thing lies in a nutshell. A certain gentleman was found, one morning, in an

obscure street, lying in an angle of a doorwayI should rather say, leaning, in an upright position, in the

angle of a doorway, and supported consequently by the doorway. Upon his waistcoat there was one solitary

'Sir, that man,' replied the doctor, 'had been stabbed to the heart. Had been stabbed to the heart with such

dexterity, sir, that he had died instantly, and had bled internally. It was supposed that a medical friend of his

(to whom suspicion attached) had engaged him in conversation on some pretence; had taken him, very likely,

by the button in a conversational manner; had examined his ground at leisure with his other hand; had marked

the exact spot; drawn out the instrument, whatever it was, when he was quite prepared; and'

'Exactly so,' replied the doctor. 'It was quite an operation in its way, and very neat. The medical friend never

turned up; and, as I tell you, he had the credit of it. Whether he did it or not I can't say. But, having had the

honour to be called in with two or three of my professional brethren on the occasion, and having assisted to

make a careful examination of the wound, I have no hesitation in saying that it would have reflected credit on

any medical man; and that in an unprofessional person it could not but be considered, either as an

extraordinary work of art, or the result of a still more extraordinary, happy, and favourable conjunction of

His hearer was so much interested in this case, that the doctor went on to elucidate it with the assistance of

his own finger and thumb and waistcoat; and at Jonas's request, he took the further trouble of going into a

corner of the room, and alternately representing the murdered man and the murderer; which he did with great

effect. The bottle being emptied and the story done, Jonas was in precisely the same boisterous and unusual

state as when they had sat down. If, as Jobling theorized, his good digestion were the cause, he must have

At dinner it was just the same; and after dinner too; though wine was drunk in abundance, and various rich

meats eaten. At nine o'clock it was still the same. There being a lamp in the carriage, he swore they would

take a pack of cards, and a bottle of wine; and with these things under his cloak, went down to the door.

This was the salutation he bestowed on Mr Bailey, who, booted and wrapped up, stood at the carriage door to

He alighted quickly, and walked back into the hall, where Montague was lighting a cigar; conducting Mr

He gave the boy a shake, and threw him roughly aside. There was more of his familiar self in the action, than

in anything he had done that day; but he broke out laughing immediately afterwards, and making a thrust at

the doctor with his hand, in imitation of his representation of the medical friend, went out to the carriage

again, and took his seat. His companion followed immediately. Mr Bailey climbed into the rumble. 'It will be

The doctor's prognostication in reference to the weather was speedily verified. Although the weather was not

a patient of his, and no third party had required him to give an opinion on the case, the quick fulfilment of his

prophecy may be taken as an instance of his professional tact; for, unless the threatening aspect of the night

had been perfectly plain and unmistakable, Mr Jobling would never have compromised his reputation by

delivering any sentiments on the subject. He used this principle in Medicine with too much success to be

It was one of those hot, silent nights, when people sit at windows listening for the thunder which they know

will shortly break; when they recall dismal tales of hurricanes and earthquakes; and of lonely travellers on

open plains, and lonely ships at sea, struck by lightning. Lightning flashed and quivered on the black horizon

even now; and hollow murmurings were in the wind, as though it had been blowing where the thunder rolled,

and still was charged with its exhausted echoes. But the storm, though gathering swiftly, had not yet come

up; and the prevailing stillness was the more solemn, from the dull intelligence that seemed to hover in the

It was very dark; but in the murky sky there were masses of cloud which shone with a lurid light, like

monstrous heaps of copper that had been heated in a furnace, and were growing cold. These had been

advancing steadily and slowly, but they were now motionless, or nearly so. As the carriage clattered round

the corners of the streets, it passed at every one a knot of persons who had come theremany from their

houses close at hand, without hatsto look up at that quarter of the sky. And now a very few large drops of

Jonas sat in a corner of the carriage with his bottle resting on his knee, and gripped as tightly in his hand as if

he would have ground its neck to powder if he could. Instinctively attracted by the night, he had laid aside the

pack of cards upon the cushion; and with the same involuntary impulse, so intelligible to both of them as not

to occasion a remark on either side, his companion had extinguished the lamp. The front glasses were down;

They were clear of London, or as clear of it as travellers can be whose way lies on the Western Road, within

a stage of that enormous city. Occasionally they encountered a footpassenger, hurrying to the nearest place

of shelter; or some unwieldy cart proceeding onward at a heavy trot, with the same end in view. Little clusters

of such vehicles were gathered round the stableyard or baiting place of every wayside tavern; while their

drivers watched the weather from the doors and open windows, or made merry within. Everywhere the

people were disposed to bear each other company rather than sit alone; so that groups of watchful faces

seemed to be looking out upon the night AND THEM, from almost every house they passed.

It may appear strange that this should have disturbed Jonas, or rendered him uneasy; but it did. After

muttering to himself, and often changing his position, he drew up the blind on his side of the carriage, and

turned his shoulder sulkily towards it. But he neither looked at his companion, nor broke the silence which

prevailed between them, and which had fallen so suddenly upon himself, by addressing a word to him.

The thunder rolled, the lightning flashed; the rain poured down like Heaven's wrath. Surrounded at one

moment by intolerable light, and at the next by pitchy darkness, they still pressed forward on their journey.

Even when they arrived at the end of the stage, and might have tarried, they did not; but ordered horses out

immediately. Nor had this any reference to some five minutes' lull, which at that time seemed to promise a

cessation of the storm. They held their course as if they were impelled and driven by its fury. Although they

had not exchanged a dozen words, and might have tarried very well, they seemed to feel, by joint consent,

Louder and louder the deep thunder rolled, as through the myriad halls of some vast temple in the sky; fiercer

and brighter became the lightning, more and more heavily the rain poured down. The horses (they were

travelling now with a single pair) plunged and started from the rills of quivering fire that seemed to wind

along the ground before them; but there these two men sat, and forward they went as if they were led on by

The eye, partaking of the quickness of the flashing light, saw in its every gleam a multitude of objects which

it could not see at steady noon in fifty times that period. Bells in steeples, with the rope and wheel that moved

them; ragged nests of birds in cornices and nooks; faces full of consternation in the tilted waggons that came

tearing past; their frightened teams ringing out a warning which the thunder drowned; harrows and ploughs

left out in fields; miles upon miles of hedgedivided country, with the distant fringe of trees as obvious as the

scarecrow in the beanfield close at hand; in a trembling, vivid, flickering instant, everything was clear and

plain; then came a flush of red into the yellow light; a change to blue; a brightness so intense that there was

The lightning being very crooked and very dazzling may have presented or assisted a curious optical illusion,

which suddenly rose before the startled eyes of Montague in the carriage, and as rapidly disappeared. He

thought he saw Jonas with his hand lifted, and the bottle clenched in it like a hammer, making as if he would

aim a blow at his head. At the same time he observed (or so believed) an expression in his facea

combination of the unnatural excitement he had shown all day, with a wild hatred and fearwhich might

He uttered an involuntary exclamation, and called to the driver, who brought his horses to a stop with all

It could hardly have been as he supposed, for although he had not taken his eyes off his companion, and had

'What's the matter?' said Jonas. 'Is that your general way of waking out of your sleep?'

'When you have sworn it,' said Jonas, composedly, 'we had better go on again, if you have only stopped for

He uncorked the bottle with the help of his teeth; and putting it to his lips, took a long draught.

'I wish we had never started on this journey. This is not,' said Montague, recoiling instinctively, and speaking

'Ecod! you're right there,' returned Jonas, 'and we shouldn't be out in it but for you. If you hadn't kept me

waiting all day, we might have been at Salisbury by this time; snug abed and fast asleep. What are we

His companion put his head out of window for a moment, and drawing it in again, observed (as if that were

'Serve him right,' said Jonas. 'I'm glad of it. What the devil are we stopping for? Are you going to spread him

'I have half a mind to take him inside,' observed the other with some hesitation.

'Oh! thankee!' said Jonas. 'We don't want any damp boys here; especially a young imp like him. Let him be

where he is. He ain't afraid of a little thunder and lightning, I dare say; whoever else is. Go on, driver. We had

'Don't go too fast,' cried Montague to the postillion; 'and take care how you go. You were nearly in the ditch

This was not true; and Jonas bluntly said so, as they moved forward again. Montague took little or no heed of

what he said, but repeated that it was not a night for travelling, and showed himself, both then and afterwards,

From this time Jonas recovered his former spirits, if such a term may be employed to express the state in

which he had left the city. He had his bottle often at his mouth; roared out snatches of songs, without the least

regard to time or tune or voice, or anything but loud discordance; and urged his silent friend to be merry with

'You're the best company in the world, my good fellow,' said Montague with an effort, 'and in general

'Ecod! I hear and see it too,' cried Jonas, shading his eyes, for the moment, from the lightning which was

flashing, not in any one direction, but all around them. 'What of that? It don't change you, nor me, nor our

It may lighten and storm, Till it hunt the red worm From the grass where the gibbet is driven; But it can't hurt

That must be a precious old song,' he added with an oath, as he stopped short in a kind of wonder at himself.

'I haven't heard it since I was a boy, and how it comes into my head now, unless the lightning put it there, I

don't know. "Can't hurt the dead"! No, no. "And won't save the head"! No, no. No! Ha, ha, ha!'

His mirth was of such a savage and extraordinary character, and was, in an inexplicable way, at once so

suited to the night, and yet such a coarse intrusion on its terrors, that his fellowtraveller, always a coward,

shrunk from him in positive fear. Instead of Jonas being his tool and instrument, their places seemed to be

reversed. But there was reason for this too, Montague thought; since the sense of his debasement might

naturally inspire such a man with the wish to assert a noisy independence, and in that licence to forget his real

condition. Being quick enough, in reference to such subjects of contemplation, he was not long in taking this

argument into account and giving it its full weight. But still, he felt a vague sense of alarm, and was

He was certain he had not been asleep; but his eyes might have deceived him; for, looking at Jonas now in

any interval of darkness, he could represent his figure to himself in any attitude his state of mind suggested.

On the other hand, he knew full well that Jonas had no reason to love him; and even taking the piece of

pantomime which had so impressed his mind to be a real gesture, and not the working of his fancy, the most

that could be said of it was, that it was quite in keeping with the rest of his diabolical fun, and had the same

impotent expression of truth in it. 'If he could kill me with a wish,' thought the swindler, 'I should not live

He resolved that when he should have had his use of Jonas, he would restrain him with an iron curb; in the

meantime, that he could not do better than leave him to take his own way, and preserve his own peculiar

description of goodhumour, after his own uncommon manner. It was no great sacrifice to bear with him; 'for

when all is got that can be got,' thought Montague, 'I shall decamp across the water, and have the laugh on my

Such were his reflections from hour to hour; his state of mind being one in which the same thoughts

constantly present themselves over and over again in wearisome repetition; while Jonas, who appeared to

have dismissed reflection altogether, entertained himself as before. They agreed that they would go to

Salisbury, and would cross to Mr Pecksniff's in the morning; and at the prospect of deluding that worthy

gentleman, the spirits of his amiable soninlaw became more boisterous than ever.

As the night wore on, the thunder died away, but still rolled gloomily and mournfully in the distance. The

lightning too, though now comparatively harmless, was yet bright and frequent. The rain was quite as violent

It was their illfortune, at about the time of dawn and in the last stage of their journey, to have a restive pair

of horses. These animals had been greatly terrified in their stable by the tempest; and coming out into the

dreary interval between night and morning, when the glare of the lightning was yet unsubdued by day, and

the various objects in their view were presented in indistinct and exaggerated shapes which they would not

have worn by night, they gradually became less and less capable of control; until, taking a sudden fright at

something by the roadside, they dashed off wildly down a steep hill, flung the driver from his saddle, drew

the carriage to the brink of a ditch, stumbled headlong down, and threw it crashing over.

The travellers had opened the carriage door, and had either jumped or fallen out. Jonas was the first to stagger

to his feet. He felt sick and weak, and very giddy, and reeling to a fivebarred gate, stood holding by it;

looking drowsily about as the whole landscape swam before his eyes. But, by degrees, he grew more

conscious, and presently observed that Montague was lying senseless in the road, within a few feet of the

In an instant, as if his own faint body were suddenly animated by a demon, he ran to the horses' heads; and

pulling at their bridles with all his force, set them struggling and plunging with such mad violence as brought

their hoofs at every effort nearer to the skull of the prostrate man; and must have led in half a minute to his

As he did this, he fought and contended with them like a man possessed, making them wilder by his cries.

'Whoop!' cried Jonas. 'Whoop! again! another! A little more, a little more! Up, ye devils! Hillo!'

As he heard the driver, who had risen and was hurrying up, crying to him to desist, his violence increased.

The same shouts and the same struggles were his only answer. But the man darting in at the peril of his own

life, saved Montague's, by dragging him through the mire and water out of the reach of present harm. That

done, he ran to Jonas; and with the aid of his knife they very shortly disengaged the horses from the broken

chariot, and got them, cut and bleeding, on their legs again. The postillion and Jonas had now leisure to look

'Presence of mind, presence of mind!' cried Jonas, throwing up his hands wildly. 'What would you have done

'The other gentleman would have done badly without ME,' returned the man, shaking his head. 'You should

'Presence of mind, you croaker, presence of mind' cried Jonas with a harsh loud laugh. 'Was he struck, do you

They both turned to look at him. Jonas muttered something to himself, when he saw him sitting up beneath

They raised him, and he tried to walk. He was a good deal shaken, and trembled very much. But with the

'Cuts and bruises, eh?' said Jonas. 'We've all got them. Only cuts and bruises, eh?'

'I wouldn't have given sixpence for the gentleman's head in halfa dozen seconds more, for all he's only cut

and bruised,' observed the postboy. 'If ever you're in an accident of this sort again, sir; which I hope you

won't be; never you pull at the bridle of a horse that's down, when there's a man's head in the way. That can't

be done twice without there being a dead man in the case; it would have ended in that, this time, as sure as

Jonas replied by advising him with a curse to hold his tongue, and to go somewhere, whither he was not very

likely to go of his own accord. But Montague, who had listened eagerly to every word, himself diverted the

'Ecod! I forgot that monkey,' said Jonas. 'What's become of him?' A very brief search settled that question.

The unfortunate Mr Bailey had been thrown sheer over the hedge or the fivebarred gate; and was lying in

'When I said tonight, that I wished I had never started on this journey,' cried his master, 'I knew it was an

'Why, what should I call a sign of it?' asked Montague, hurriedly. 'What do you mean?'

'I mean,' said Jonas, stooping down over the body, 'that I never heard you were his father, or had any

But the boy was past holding up, or being held up, or giving any other sign of life than a faint and fitful

beating of the heart. After some discussion the driver mounted the horse which had been least injured, and

took the lad in his arms as well as he could; while Montague and Jonas, leading the other horse, and carrying

'You'd get there in a few minutes, and be able to send assistance to meet us, if you went forward, postboy,'

'Why, what a chicken you are! You are not afraid of being robbed; are you?' said Jonas.

'I am not afraid of anything,' replied the other, whose looks and manner were in flat contradiction to his

'You were mighty anxious about the boy, a minute ago,' said Jonas. 'I suppose you know that he may die in

As it was clear that he was not to be moved from this determination, Jonas made no other rejoinder than such

as his face expressed; and they proceeded in company. They had three or four good miles to travel; and the

way was not made easier by the state of the road, the burden by which they were embarrassed, or their own

stiff and sore condition. After a sufficiently long and painful walk, they arrived at the Inn; and having

knocked the people up (it being yet very early in the morning), sent out messengers to see to the carriage and

its contents, and roused a surgeon from his bed to tend the chief sufferer. All the service he could render, he

rendered promptly and skillfully. But he gave it as his opinion that the boy was labouring under a severe

If Montague's strong interest in the announcement could have been considered as unselfish in any degree, it

might have been a redeeming trait in a character that had no such lineaments to spare. But it was not difficult

to see that, for some unexpressed reason best appreciated by himself, he attached a strange value to the

company and presence of this mere child. When, after receiving some assistance from the surgeon himself, he

retired to the bedroom prepared for him, and it was broad day, his mind was still dwelling on this theme,

'I would rather have lost,' he said, 'a thousand pounds than lost the boy just now. But I'll return home alone. I

am resolved upon that. Chuzzlewit shall go forward first, and I will follow in my own time. I'll have no more

of this,' he added, wiping his damp forehead. 'Twentyfour hours of this would turn my hair grey!'

After examining his chamber, and looking under the bed, and in the cupboards, and even behind the curtains,

with unusual caution (although it was, as has been said, broad day), he doublelocked the door by which he

had entered, and retired to rest. There was another door in the room, but it was locked on the outer side; and

His fears or evil conscience reproduced this door in all his dreams. He dreamed that a dreadful secret was

connected with it; a secret which he knew, and yet did not know, for although he was heavily responsible for

it, and a party to it, he was harassed even in his vision by a distracting uncertainty in reference to its import.

Incoherently entwined with this dream was another, which represented it as the hidingplace of an enemy, a

shadow, a phantom; and made it the business of his life to keep the terrible creature closed up, and prevent it

from forcing its way in upon him. With this view Nadgett, and he, and a strange man with a bloody smear

upon his head (who told him that he had been his playfellow, and told him, too, the real name of an old

schoolmate, forgotten until then), worked with iron plates and nails to make the door secure; but though they

worked never so hard, it was all in vain, for the nails broke, or changed to soft twigs, or what was worse, to

worms, between their fingers; the wood of the door splintered and crumbled, so that even nails would not

remain in it; and the iron plates curled up like hot paper. All this time the creature on the other sidewhether

it was in the shape of man, or beast, he neither knew nor sought to know was gaining on them. But his

greatest terror was when the man with the bloody smear upon his head demanded of him if he knew this

creatures name, and said that he would whisper it. At this the dreamer fell upon his knees, his whole blood

thrilling with inexplicable fear, and held his ears. But looking at the speaker's lips, he saw that they formed

the utterance of the letter 'J'; and crying out aloud that the secret was discovered, and they were all lost, he

Awoke to find Jonas standing at his bedside watching him. And that very door wide open.

'Alive!' the other stammered, as he pulled the bellrope violently. 'What are you doing here?'

'It's your room to be sure,' said Jonas; 'but I'm almost inclined to ask you what YOU are doing here? My room

is on the other side of that door. No one told me last night not to open it. I thought it led into a passage, and

Montague had in the meantime admitted the man with his hot water and boots, who hearing this, said, yes,

there was; and passed into the adjoining room to point it out, at the head of the bed.

'I couldn't find it, then,' said Jonas; 'it's all the same. Shall I order breakfast?'

Montague answered in the affirmative. When Jonas had retired, whistling, through his own room, he opened

the door of communication, to take out the key and fasten it on the inner side. But it was taken out already.

He dragged a table against the door, and sat down to collect himself, as if his dreams still had some influence

'An evil journey,' he repeated several times. 'An evil journey. But I'll travel home alone. I'll have no more of

His presentiment, or superstition, that it was an evil journey, did not at all deter him from doing the evil for

which the journey was undertaken. With this in view, he dressed himself more carefully than usual to make a

favourable impression on Mr Pecksniff; and, reassured by his own appearance, the beauty of the morning,

and the flashing of the wet boughs outside his window in the merry sunshine, was soon sufficiently inspirited

But he still muttered to himself at intervals, for all that: 'I'll travel home alone!'

On the night of the storm, Mrs Lupin, hostess of the Blue Dragon, sat by herself in her little bar. Her solitary

condition, or the bad weather, or both united, made Mrs Lupin thoughtful, not to say sorrowful. As she sat

with her chin upon her hand, looking out through a low back lattice, rendered dim in the brightest daytime

by clustering vineleaves, she shook her head very often, and said, 'Dear me! Oh, dear, dear me!'

It was a melancholy time, even in the snugness of the Dragon bar. The rich expanse of cornfield,

pastureland, green slope, and gentle undulation, with its sparkling brooks, its many hedgerows, and its

clumps of beautiful trees, was black and dreary, from the diamond panes of the lattice away to the far

horizon, where the thunder seemed to roll along the hills. The heavy rain beat down the tender branches of

vine and jessamine, and trampled on them in its fury; and when the lightning gleamed it showed the tearful

leaves shivering and cowering together at the window, and tapping at it urgently, as if beseeching to be

As a mark of her respect for the lightning, Mrs Lupin had removed her candle to the chimneypiece. Her

basket of needlework stood unheeded at her elbow; her supper, spread on a round table not far off, was

untasted; and the knives had been removed for fear of attraction. She had sat for a long time with her chin

She was on the eve of saying so, once more, when the latch of the housedoor (closed to keep the rain out),

rattled on its wellworn catch, and a traveller came in, who, shutting it after him, and walking straight up to

He had some reason to be gruff, for if he had passed the day in a waterfall, he could scarcely have been

wetter than he was. He was wrapped up to the eyes in a rough blue sailor's coat, and had an oilskin hat on,

from the capacious brim of which the rain fell trickling down upon his breast, and back, and shoulders.

Judging from a certain liveliness of chinhe had so pulled down his hat, and pulled up his collar, to defend

himself from the weather, that she could only see his chin, and even across that he drew the wet sleeve of his

shaggy coat, as she looked at himMrs Lupin set him down for a goodnatured fellow, too.

'There's a fire in the kitchen,' said Mrs Lupin, 'and very good company there. Hadn't you better go and dry

'No, thankee,' said the man, glancing towards the kitchen as he spoke; he seemed to know the way.

'I don't take my death easy,' returned the traveller; 'or I should most likely have took it afore tonight. Your

Mrs Lupin thanked him; but in the act of lifting the tankard to his mouth, he changed his mind, and put it

down again. Throwing his body back, and looking about him stiffly, as a man does who is wrapped up, and

'Why, then, you've got a sort of a relation of mine here, ma'am,' said the traveller; 'a young man of the name

of Tapley. What! Mark, my boy!' apostrophizing the premises, 'have I come upon you at last, old buck!'

This was touching Mrs Lupin on a tender point. She turned to trim the candle on the chimneypiece, and

'Nobody should be made more welcome at the Dragon, master, than any one who brought me news of Mark.

But it's many and many a long day and month since he left here and England. And whether he's alive or dead,

She shook her head, and her voice trembled; her hand must have done so too, for the light required a deal of

'He went,' said Mrs Lupin, with increased distress, 'to America. He was always tenderhearted and kind, and

perhaps at this moment may be lying in prison under sentence of death, for taking pity on some miserable

black, and helping the poor runaway creetur to escape. How could he ever go to America! Why didn't he go

to some of those countries where the savages eat each other fairly, and give an equal chance to every one!'

Quite subdued by this time, Mrs Lupin sobbed, and was retiring to a chair to give her grief free vent, when

the traveller caught her in his arms, and she uttered a glad cry of recognition.

'Yes, I will!' cried Mark, 'anotherone moretwenty more! You didn't know me in that hat and coat? I

'So I should have known you, if I could have seen you; but I couldn't, and you spoke so gruff. I didn't think

'Fifteen more!' said Mr Tapley. 'How handsome and how young you look! Six more! The last halfdozen

warn't a fair one, and must be done over again. Lord bless you, what a treat it is to see you! One more! Well, I

never was so jolly. Just a few more, on account of there not being any credit in it!'

When Mr Tapley stopped in these calculations in simple addition, he did it, not because he was at all tired of

the exercise, but because he was out of breath. The pause reminded him of other duties.

'Mr Martin Chuzzlewit's outside,' he said. 'I left him under the cartshed, while I came on to see if there was

anybody here. We want to keep quiet tonight, till we know the news from you, and what it's best for us to

'There's not a soul in the house, except the kitchen company,' returned the hostess. 'If they were to know you

'But they mustn't know it tonight, my precious soul,' said Mark; 'so have the house shut, and the kitchen fire

made up; and when it's all ready, put a light in the winder, and we'll come in. One more! I long to hear about

old friends. You'll tell me all about 'em, won't you; Mr Pinch, and the butcher's dog down the street, and the

terrier over the way, and the wheelwright's, and every one of 'em. When I first caught sight of the church

tonight, I thought the steeple would have choked me, I did. One more! Won't you? Not a very little one to

'You have had plenty, I am sure,' said the hostess. 'Go along with your foreign manners!'

'That ain't foreign, bless you!' cried Mark. 'Native as oysters, that is! One more, because it's native! As a mark

of respect for the land we live in! This don't count as between you and me, you understand,' said Mr Tapley.

'I ain't akissing you now, you'll observe. I have been among the patriots; I'm akissin' my country.'

It would have been very unreasonable to complain of the exhibition of his patriotism with which he followed

up this explanation, that it was at all lukewarm or indifferent. When he had given full expression to his

nationality, he hurried off to Martin; while Mrs Lupin, in a state of great agitation and excitement, prepared

The company soon came tumbling out; insisting to each other that the Dragon clock was half an hour too fast,

and that the thunder must have affected it. Impatient, wet, and weary though they were, Martin and Mark

were overjoyed to see these old faces, and watched them with delighted interest as they departed from the

'There he goes, sir! A little bandier than he was, I think, sir, ain't he? His figure's so far altered, as it seems to

me, that you might wheel a rather larger barrow between his legs as he walks, than you could have done

'Ah, to be sure!' cried Martin; 'Sam, the hostler. I wonder whether that horse of Pecksniff's is alive still?'

'Not a doubt on it, sir,' returned Mark. 'That's a description of animal, sir, as will go on in a bony way peculiar

to himself for a long time, and get into the newspapers at last under the title of "Sing'lar Tenacity of Life in a

Quadruped." As if he had ever been alive in all his life, worth mentioning! There's the clerk, sir wery

'Oh, not half as bad,' said his fellowtraveller, with an air of great vexation. 'I told you not to keep on the

windy side, Mark, but to let us change and change about. The rain has been beating on you ever since it

'You don't know how it pleases me, sir,' said Mark, after a short silence, 'if I may make so bold as say so, to

hear you agoing on in that there uncommon considerate way of yours; which I don't mean to attend to,

never, but which, ever since that time when I was floored in Eden, you have showed.'

'Ah, Mark!' sighed Martin, 'the less we say of that the better. Do I see the light yonder?'

'That's the light!' cried Mark. 'Lord bless her, what briskness she possesses! Now for it, sir. Neat wines, good

The kitchen fire burnt clear and red, the table was spread out, the kettle boiled; the slippers were there, the

bootjack too, sheets of ham were there, cooking on the gridiron; halfadozen eggs were there, poaching in

the fryingpan; a plethoric cherrybrandy bottle was there, winking at a foaming jug of beer upon the table;

rare provisions were there, dangling from the rafters as if you had only to open your mouth, and something

exquisitely ripe and good would be glad of the excuse for tumbling into it. Mrs Lupin, who for their sakes

had dislodged the very cook, high priestess of the temple, with her own genial hands was dressing their

It was impossible to help ita ghost must have hugged her. The Atlantic Ocean and the Red Sea being, in

that respect, all one, Martin hugged her instantly. Mr Tapley (as if the idea were quite novel, and had never

'Little did I ever think,' said Mrs Lupin, adjusting her cap and laughing heartily; yes, and blushing too; 'often

as I have said that Mr Pecksniff's young gentlemen were the life and soul of the Dragon, and that without

them it would be too dull to live inlittle did I ever think I am sure, that any one of them would ever make

so free as you, Mr Martin! And still less that I shouldn't be angry with him, but should be glad with all my

heart to be the first to welcome him home from America, with Mark Tapley for his'

'For his friend,' said the hostess, evidently gratified by this distinction, but at the same time admonishing Mr

Tapley with a fork to remain at a respectful distance. 'Little did I ever think that! But still less, that I should

ever have the changes to relate that I shall have to tell you of, when you have done your supper!'

'SHE,' said the hostess, 'is quite well, and now at Mr Pecksniff's. Don't be at all alarmed about her. She is

everything you could wish. It's of no use mincing matters, or making secrets, is it?' added Mrs Lupin. 'I know

'My good creature,' returned Martin, 'you are exactly the person who ought to know all about it. I am

delighted to think you DO know about that! But what changes do you hint at? Has any death occurred?'

'No, no!' said the hostess. 'Not as bad as that. But I declare now that I will not be drawn into saying another

word till you have had your supper. If you ask me fifty questions in the meantime, I won't answer one.'

She was so positive, that there was nothing for it but to get the supper over as quickly as possible; and as they

had been walking a great many miles, and had fasted since the middle of the day, they did no great violence

to their own inclinations in falling on it tooth and nail. It took rather longer to get through than might have

been expected; for, halfadozen times, when they thought they had finished, Mrs Lupin exposed the fallacy

of that impression triumphantly. But at last, in the course of time and nature, they gave in. Then, sitting with

their slippered feet stretched out upon the kitchen hearth (which was wonderfully comforting, for the night

had grown by this time raw and chilly), and looking with involuntary admiration at their dimpled, buxom,

blooming hostess, as the firelight sparkled in her eyes and glimmered in her raven hair, they composed

Many were the exclamations of surprise which interrupted her, when she told them of the separation between

Mr Pecksniff and his daughters, and between the same good gentleman and Mr Pinch. But these were nothing

to the indignant demonstrations of Martin, when she related, as the common talk of the neighbourhood, what

entire possession he had obtained over the mind and person of old Mr Chuzzlewit, and what high honour he

designed for Mary. On receipt of this intelligence, Martin's slippers flew off in a twinkling, and he began

pulling on his wet boots with that indefinite intention of going somewhere instantly, and doing something to

'He!' said Martin, 'smoothtongued villain that he is! He! Give me that other boot, Mark?'

'Where was you athinking of going to, sir?' inquired Mr Tapley drying the sole at the fire, and looking

'Where!' repeated Martin. 'You don't suppose I am going to remain here, do you?'

You do!' retorted Martin angrily. 'I am much obliged to you. What do you take me for?'

'I take you for what you are, sir,' said Mark; 'and, consequently, am quite sure that whatever you do will be

Martin darted an impatient look at him, without taking it, and walked rapidly up and down the kitchen several

times, with one boot and a stocking on. But, mindful of his Eden resolution, he had already gained many

victories over himself when Mark was in the case, and he resolved to conquer now. So he came back to the

bookjack, laid his hand on Mark's shoulder to steady himself, pulled the boot off, picked up his slippers, put

them on, and sat down again. He could not help thrusting his hands to the very bottom of his pockets, and

muttering at intervals, 'Pecksniff too! That fellow! Upon my soul! Indeed! What next?' and so forth; nor

could he help occasionally shaking his fist at the chimney, with a very threatening countenance; but this did

not last long; and he heard Mrs Lupin out, if not with composure, at all events in silence.

'As to Mr Pecksniff himself,' observed the hostess in conclusion, spreading out the skirts of her gown with

both hands, and nodding her head a great many times as she did so, 'I don't know what to say. Somebody

must have poisoned his mind, or influenced him in some extraordinary way. I cannot believe that such a

A noblespoken gentleman! How many people are there in the world, who, for no better reason, uphold their

Pecksniffs to the last and abandon virtuous men, when Pecksniffs breathe upon them!

'As to Mr Pinch,' pursued the landlady, 'if ever there was a dear, good, pleasant, worthy soul alive, Pinch, and

no other, is his name. But how do we know that old Mr Chuzzlewit himself was not the cause of difference

arising between him and Mr Pecksniff? No one but themselves can tell; for Mr Pinch has a proud spirit,

though he has such a quiet way; and when he left us, and was so sorry to go, he scorned to make his story

'It's a comfort to know,' resumed the landlady, 'that he has his sister living with him, and is doing well. Only

yesterday he sent me back, by post, a little'here the colour came into her cheeks 'a little trifle I was bold

enough to lend him when he went away; saying, with many thanks, that he had good employment, and didn't

want it. It was the same note; he hadn't broken it. I never thought I could have been so little pleased to see a

'She can't say anything as does not possess them qualities,' returned Mr Tapley; 'which as much belongs to the

Dragon as its licence. And now that we have got quite cool and fresh, to the subject again, sir; what will you

do? If you're not proud, and can make up your mind to go through with what you spoke of, coming along,

that's the course for you to take. If you started wrong with your grandfather (which, you'll excuse my taking

the liberty of saying, appears to have been the case), up with you, sir, and tell him so, and make an appeal to

his affections. Don't stand out. He's a great deal older than you, and if he was hasty, you was hasty too. Give

The eloquence of Mr Tapley was not without its effect on Martin but he still hesitated, and expressed his

'That's all very true, and perfectly correct, Mark; and if it were a mere question of humbling myself before

HIM, I would not consider it twice. But don't you see, that being wholly under this hypocrite's government,

and having (if what we hear be true) no mind or will of his own, I throw myself, in fact, not at his feet, but at

the feet of Mr Pecksniff? And when I am rejected and spurned away,' said Martin, turning crimson at the

thought, 'it is not by him; my own blood stirred against me; but by PecksniffPecksniff, Mark!'

'Well, but we know beforehand,' returned the politic Mr Tapley, 'that Pecksniff is a wagabond, a scoundrel,

'A most pernicious willain. We know that beforehand, sir; and, consequently, it's no shame to be defeated by

Pecksniff. Blow Pecksniff!' cried Mr Tapley, in the fervour of his eloquence. 'Who's he! It's not in the natur

of Pecksniff to shame US, unless he agreed with us, or done us a service; and, in case he offered any audacity

of that description, we could express our sentiments in the English language, I hope. Pecksniff!' repeated Mr

Tapley, with ineffable disdain. 'What's Pecksniff, who's Pecksniff, where's Pecksniff, that he's to be so much

considered? We're not a calculating for ourselves;' he laid uncommon emphasis on the last syllable of that

word, and looked full in Martin's face; 'we're making a effort for a young lady likewise as has undergone her

share; and whatever little hope we have, this here Pecksniff is not to stand in its way, I expect. I never heard

of any act of Parliament, as was made by Pecksniff. Pecksniff! Why, I wouldn't see the man myself; I

wouldn't hear him; I wouldn't choose to know he was in company. I'd scrape my shoes on the scraper of the

door, and call that Pecksniff, if you liked; but I wouldn't condescend no further.'

The amazement of Mrs Lupin, and indeed of Mr Tapley himself for that matter, at this impassioned flow of

language, was immense. But Martin, after looking thoughtfully at the fire for a short time, said:

'One word more, sir,' returned Mark. 'Only think of him so far as not to give him a handle against you. Don't

you do anything secret that he can report before you get there. Don't you even see Miss Mary in the morning,

but let this here dear friend of ours'Mr Tapley bestowed a smile upon the hostess'prepare her for what's

a going to happen, and carry any little message as may be agreeable. She knows how. Don't you?' Mrs

Lupin laughed and tossed her head. 'Then you go in, bold and free as a gentleman should. "I haven't done

nothing underhanded," says you. "I haven't been skulking about the premises, here I am, forgive me, I ask

Martin smiled, but felt that it was good advice notwithstanding, and resolved to act upon it. When they had

ascertained from Mrs Lupin that Pecksniff had already returned from the great ceremonial at which they had

beheld him in his glory; and when they had fully arranged the order of their proceedings; they went to bed,

In pursuance of their project as agreed upon at this discussion, Mr Tapley issued forth next morning, after

breakfast, charged with a letter from Martin to his grandfather, requesting leave to wait upon him for a few

minutes. And postponing as he went along the congratulations of his numerous friends until a more

convenient season, he soon arrived at Mr Pecksniff's house. At that gentleman's door; with a face so

immovable that it would have been next to an impossibility for the most acute physiognomist to determine

what he was thinking about, or whether he was thinking at all; he straightway knocked.

A person of Mr Tapley's observation could not long remain insensible to the fact that Mr Pecksniff was

making the end of his nose very blunt against the glass of the parlour window, in an angular attempt to

discover who had knocked at the door. Nor was Mr Tapley slow to baffle this movement on the part of the

enemy, by perching himself on the top step, and presenting the crown of his hat in that direction. But possibly

Mr Pecksniff had already seen him, for Mark soon heard his shoes creaking, as he advanced to open the door

'Oh!' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'Tapley, I believe? The Prodigal returned! We don't want any beer, my friend.'

'Thankee, sir,' said Mark. 'I couldn't accommodate you if you did. A letter, sir. Wait for an answer.'

'Not for you, I think, sir,' said Mark, pointing out the direction. 'Chuzzlewit, I believe the name is, sir.'

'Oh!' returned Mr Pecksniff. 'Thank you. Yes. Who's it from, my good young man?'

'The gentleman it comes from wrote his name inside, sir,' returned Mr Tapley with extreme politeness. 'I see

'And he said he wanted an answer, did he?' asked Mr Pecksniff in his most persuasive manner.

'He shall have an answer. Certainly,' said Mr Pecksniff, tearing the letter into small pieces, as mildly as if that

were the most flattering attention a correspondent could receive. 'Have the goodness to give him that, with

my compliments, if you please. Good morning!' Whereupon he handed Mark the scraps; retired, and shut the

Mark thought it prudent to subdue his personal emotions, and return to Martin at the Dragon. They were not

unprepared for such a reception, and suffered an hour or so to elapse before making another attempt. When

this interval had gone by, they returned to Mr Pecksniff's house in company. Martin knocked this time, while

Mr Tapley prepared himself to keep the door open with his foot and shoulder, when anybody came, and by

that means secure an enforced parley. But this precaution was needless, for the servantgirl appeared almost

immediately. Brushing quickly past her as he had resolved in such a case to do, Martin (closely followed by

his faithful ally) opened the door of that parlour in which he knew a visitor was most likely to be found;

passed at once into the room; and stood, without a word of notice or announcement, in the presence of his

Mr Pecksniff also was in the room; and Mary. In the swift instant of their mutual recognition, Martin saw the

It smote him to the heart. In his most selfish and most careless day, this lingering remnant of the old man's

ancient love, this buttress of a ruined tower he had built up in the time gone by, with so much pride and hope,

would have caused a pang in Martin's heart. But now, changed for the better in his worst respect; looking

through an altered medium on his former friend, the guardian of his childhood, so broken and bowed down;

resentment, sullenness, selfconfidence, and pride, were all swept away, before the starting tears upon the

withered cheeks. He could not bear to see them. He could not bear to think they fell at sight of him. He could

He hurriedly advanced to seize the old man's hand in his, when Mr Pecksniff interposed himself between

'No, young man!' said Mr Pecksniff, striking himself upon the breast, and stretching out his other arm towards

his guest as if it were a wing to shelter him. 'No, sir. None of that. Strike here, sir, here! Launch your arrows

'Would you, sir? Would you?' said Mr Pecksniff, dodging about, so as to keep himself always between them.

'Is it not enough, sir, that you come into my house like a thief in the night, or I should rather say, for we can

never be too particular on the subject of Truth, like a thief in the daytime; bringing your dissolute

companions with you, to plant themselves with their backs against the insides of parlour doors, and prevent

the entrance or issuing forth of any of my household'Mark had taken up this position, and held it quite

unmoved'but would you also strike at venerable Virtue? Would you? Know that it is not defenceless. I will

'I can't be calm,' cried Mr Pecksniff, 'and I won't be quiet. My benefactor and my friend! Shall even my house

'Stand aside!' said the old man, stretching out his hand; 'and let me see what it is I used to love so dearly.'

'It is right that you should see it, my friend,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'It is well that you should see it, my noble sir.

It is desirable that you should contemplate it in its true proportions. Behold it! There it is, sir. There it is!'

Martin could hardly be a mortal man, and not express in his face something of the anger and disdain with

which Mr Pecksniff inspired him. But beyond this he evinced no knowledge whatever of that gentleman's

presence or existence. True, he had once, and that at first, glanced at him involuntarily, and with supreme

contempt; but for any other heed he took of him, there might have been nothing in his place save empty air.

As Mr Pecksniff withdrew from between them, agreeably to the wish just now expressed (which he did

during the delivery of the observations last recorded), old Martin, who had taken Mary Graham's hand in his,

and whispered kindly to her, as telling her she had no cause to be alarmed, gently pushed her from him,

'And that,' he said, 'is he. Ah! that is he! Say what you wish to say. But come no nearer,'

'His sense of justice is so fine,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'that he will hear even him, although he knows beforehand

that nothing can come of it. Ingenuous mind!' Mr Pecksniff did not address himself immediately to any

person in saying this, but assuming the position of the Chorus in a Greek Tragedy, delivered his opinion as a

'Grandfather!' said Martin, with great earnestness. 'From a painful journey, from a hard life, from a sickbed,

from privation and distress, from gloom and disappointment, from almost hopelessness and despair, I have

'Rovers of this sort,' observed Mr Pecksniff, as Chorus, 'very commonly come back when they find they don't

'But for this faithful man,' said Martin, turning towards Mark, 'whom I first knew in this place, and who went

away with me voluntarily, as a servant, but has been, throughout, my zealous and devoted friend; but for him,

I must have died abroad. Far from home, far from any help or consolation; far from the probability even of

my wretched fate being ever known to any one who cared to hear itoh, that you would let me say, of being

The old man looked at Mr Pecksniff. Mr Pecksniff looked at him. 'Did you speak, my worthy sir?' said Mr

Pecksniff, with a smile. The old man answered in the negative. 'I know what you thought,' said Mr Pecksniff,

with another smile. 'Let him go on my friend. The development of selfinterest in the human mind is always

'Go on!' observed the old man; in a mechanical obedience, it appeared, to Mr Pecksniff's suggestion.

'I have been so wretched and so poor,' said Martin, 'that I am indebted to the charitable help of a stranger, in a

land of strangers, for the means of returning here. All this tells against me in your mind, I know. I have given

you cause to think I have been driven here wholly by want, and have not been led on, in any degree, by

affection or regret. When I parted from you, Grandfather, I deserved that suspicion, but I do not now. I do not

The Chorus put its hand in its waistcoat, and smiled. 'Let him go on, my worthy sir,' it said. 'I know what you

Old Martin raised his eyes to Mr Pecksniff's face, and appearing to derive renewed instruction from his looks

'I have little more to say,' returned Martin. 'And as I say it now, with little or no hope, Grandfather; whatever

dawn of hope I had on entering the room; believe it to be true. At least, believe it to be true.'

'Beautiful Truth!' exclaimed the Chorus, looking upward. 'How is your name profaned by vicious persons!

You don't live in a well, my holy principle, but on the lips of false mankind. It is hard to bear with mankind,

dear sir'addressing the elder Mr Chuzzlewit; 'but let us do so meekly. It is our duty so to do. Let us be

among the Few who do their duty. If,' pursued the Chorus, soaring up into a lofty flight, 'as the poet informs

us, England expects Every man to do his duty, England is the most sanguine country on the face of the earth,

'Upon that subject,' said Martin, looking calmly at the old man as he spoke, but glancing once at Mary, whose

face was now buried in her hands, upon the back of his easychair; 'upon that subject which first occasioned

a division between us, my mind and heart are incapable of change. Whatever influence they have undergone,

since that unhappy time, has not been one to weaken but to strengthen me. I cannot profess sorrow for that,

nor irresolution in that, nor shame in that. Nor would you wish me, I know. But that I might have trusted to

your love, if I had thrown myself manfully upon it; that I might have won you over with ease, if I had been

more yielding and more considerate; that I should have best remembered myself in forgetting myself, and

recollecting you; reflection, solitude, and misery, have taught me. I came resolved to say this, and to ask your

forgiveness; not so much in hope for the future, as in regret for the past; for all that I would ask of you is, that

you would aid me to live. Help me to get honest work to do, and I would do it. My condition places me at the

disadvantage of seeming to have only my selfish ends to serve, but try if that be so or not. Try if I be

selfwilled, obdurate, and haughty, as I was; or have been disciplined in a rough school. Let the voice of

nature and association plead between us, Grandfather; and do not, for one fault, however thankless, quite

As he ceased, the grey head of the old man drooped again; and he concealed his face behind his outspread

'My dear sir,' cried Mr Pecksniff, bending over him, 'you must not give way to this. It is very natural, and

very amiable, but you must not allow the shameless conduct of one whom you long ago cast off, to move you

'I will,' returned old Martin, looking up into his face. 'You recall me to myself. I will.'

'Why, what,' said Mr Pecksniff, sitting down beside him in a chair which he drew up for the purpose, and

tapping him playfully on the arm, 'what is the matter with my strongminded compatriot, if I may venture to

take the liberty of calling him by that endearing expression? Shall I have to scold my coadjutor, or to reason

'No, no. There is no occasion,' said the old man. 'A momentary feeling. Nothing more.'

'Indignation,' observed Mr Pecksniff, 'WILL bring the scalding tear into the honest eye, I know'he wiped

his own elaborately. 'But we have highest duties to perform than that. Rouse yourself, Mr Chuzzlewit. Shall I

'Yes,' said old Martin, leaning back in his chair, and looking at him, half in vacancy and half in admiration, as

if he were fascinated by the man. 'Speak for me, Pecksniff, Thank you. You are true to me. Thank you!'

'Do not unman me, sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, shaking his hand vigorously, 'or I shall be unequal to the task. It is

not agreeable to my feelings, my good sir, to address the person who is now before us, for when I ejected him

from this house, after hearing of his unnatural conduct from your lips, I renounced communication with him

for ever. But you desire it; and that is sufficient. Young man! The door is immediately behind the companion

Martin looked as steadily at his grandfather as if there had been a dead silence all this time. The old man

'When I ordered you to leave this house upon the last occasion of your being dismissed from it with disgrace,'

said Mr Pecksniff; 'when, stung and stimulated beyond endurance by your shameless conduct to this

extraordinarily nobleminded individual, I exclaimed "Go forth!" I told you that I wept for your depravity.

Do not suppose that the tear which stands in my eye at this moment, is shed for you. It is shed for him, sir. It

Here Mr Pecksniff, accidentally dropping the tear in question on a bald part of Mr Chuzzlewit's head, wiped

'It is shed for him, sir, whom you seek to make the victim of your arts,' said Mr Pecksniff; 'whom you seek to

plunder, to deceive, and to mislead. It is shed in sympathy with him, and admiration of him; not in pity for

him, for happily he knows what you are. You shall not wrong him further, sir, in any way,' said Mr Pecksniff,

quite transported with enthusiasm, 'while I have life. You may bestride my senseless corse, sir. That is very

likely. I can imagine a mind like yours deriving great satisfaction from any measure of that kind. But while I

continue to be called upon to exist, sir, you must strike at him through me. Awe!' said Mr Pecksniff, shaking

his head at Martin with indignant jocularity; 'and in such a cause you will find me, my young sir, an Ugly

Still Martin looked steadily and mildly at his grandfather. 'Will you give me no answer,' he said, at length,

'You hear what has been said,' replied the old man, without averting his eyes from the face of Mr Pecksniff;

'I only hear,' replied Martin, strong in his purpose from the first, and stronger in it as he felt how Pecksniff

winced and shrunk beneath his contempt; 'I only hear what you say to me, grandfather.'

Perhaps it was well for Mr Pecksniff that his venerable friend found in his (Mr Pecksniff's) features an

exclusive and engrossing object of contemplation, for if his eyes had gone astray, and he had compared

young Martin's bearing with that of his zealous defender, the latter disinterested gentleman would scarcely

have shown to greater advantage than on the memorable afternoon when he took Tom Pinch's last receipt in

full of all demands. One really might have thought there was some quality in Mr Pecksniffan emanation

from the brightness and purity within him perhapswhich set off and adorned his foes; they looked so

'I remember that I have a word to say, Pecksniff,' observed the old man. 'But a word. You spoke of being

indebted to the charitable help of some stranger for the means of returning to England. Who is he? And what

Although he asked this question of Martin, he did not look towards him, but kept his eyes on Mr Pecksniff as

before. It appeared to have become a habit with him, both in a literal and figurative sense, to look to Mr

Martin took out his pencil, tore a leaf from his pocketbook, and hastily wrote down the particulars of his

debt to Mr Bevan. The old man stretched out his hand for the paper, and took it; but his eyes did not wander

'It would be a poor pride and a false humility,' said Martin, in a low voice, 'to say, I do not wish that to be

paid, or that I have any present hope of being able to pay it. But I never felt my poverty so deeply as I feel it

Mr Pecksniff, after approaching the perusal of the paper as if it were a manuscript confession of a murder,

'I think, Pecksniff,' said old Martin, 'I could wish that to be discharged. I should not like the lender, who was

abroad, who had no opportunity of making inquiry, and who did (as he thought) a kind action, to suffer.'

'An honourable sentiment, my dear sir. Your own entirely. But a dangerous precedent,' said Mr Pecksniff,

'It shall not be a precedent,' returned the old man. 'It is the only recognition of him. But we will talk of it

'Nothing else,' said Mr Pecksniff buoyantly, 'but for you to recover this intrusionthis cowardly and

indefensible outrage on your feelingswith all possible dispatch, and smile again.'

'You have nothing more to say?' inquired the old man, laying his hand with unusual earnestness on Mr

Mr Pecksniff would not say what rose to his lips. For reproaches he observed, were useless.

'You have nothing at all to urge? You are sure of that! If you have, no matter what it is, speak freely. I will

The tears rose in such abundance to Mr Pecksniff's eyes at this proof of unlimited confidence on the part of

his friend, that he was fain to clasp the bridge of his nose convulsively before he could at all compose

himself. When he had the power of utterance again, he said with great emotion, that he hoped he should live

For a few moments the old man sat looking at him, with that blank and motionless expression which is not

uncommon in the faces of those whose faculties are on the wane, in age. But he rose up firmly too, and

The obsequious Mr Pecksniff proffered his arm. The old man took it. Turning at the door, he said to Martin,

Mr Pecksniff murmured certain cheering expressions of sympathy and encouragement as they retired; and

Martin, awakening from the stupor into which the closing portion of this scene had plunged him, to the

opportunity afforded by their departure, caught the innocent cause of all in his embrace, and pressed her to

'Dear girl!' said Martin. 'He has not changed you. Why, what an impotent and harmless knave the fellow is!'

'Restrained myself!' cried Martin, cheerfully. 'You were by, and were unchanged, I knew. What more

advantage did I want? The sight of me was such a bitterness to the dog, that I had my triumph in his being

forced to endure it. But tell me, lovefor the few hasty words we can exchange now are preciouswhat is

this which has been rumoured to me? Is it true that you are persecuted by this knave's addresses?'

'I was, dear Martin, and to some extent am now; but my chief source of unhappiness has been anxiety for

'Sickness, distance; the dread of hinting at our real condition, the impossibility of concealing it except in

perfect silence; the knowledge that the truth would have pained you infinitely more than uncertainty and

doubt,' said Martin, hurriedly; as indeed everything else was done and said, in those few hurried moments,

'were the causes of my writing only once. But Pecksniff? You needn't fear to tell me the whole tale; for you

saw me with him face to face, hearing him speak, and not taking him by the throat; what is the history of his

'Thank Heaven!' cried Martin, 'that it leaves his mind unclouded in that one respect!'

'I do not think,' said Mary, 'it was known to him at first. When this man had sufficiently prepared his mind, he

revealed it to him by degrees. I think so, but I only know it from my own impression: now from anything

'And said I knew well what qualities he possessed; that he was moderately rich; in good repute; and high in

his favour and confidence. But seeing me very much distressed, he said that he would not control or force my

inclinations, but would content himself with telling me the fact. He would not pain me by dwelling on it, or

'He has had few opportunities of pursuing his suit. I have never walked out alone, or remained alone an

instant in his presence. Dear Martin, I must tell you,' she continued, 'that the kindness of your grandfather to

me remains unchanged. I am his companion still. An indescribable tenderness and compassion seem to have

mingled themselves with his old regard; and if I were his only child, I could not have a gentler father. What

former fancy or old habit survives in this, when his heart has turned so cold to you, is a mystery I cannot

penetrate; but it has been, and it is, a happiness to me, that I remained true to him; that if he should wake

from his delusion, even at the point of death, I am here, love, to recall you to his thoughts.'

Martin looked with admiration on her glowing face, and pressed his lips to hers.

'I have sometimes heard, and read,' she said, 'that those whose powers had been enfeebled long ago, and

whose lives had faded, as it were, into a dream, have been known to rouse themselves before death, and

inquire for familiar faces once very dear to them; but forgotten, unrecognized, hated even, in the meantime.

Think, if with his old impressions of this man, he should suddenly resume his former self, and find in him his

'I would not urge you to abandon him, dearest,' said Martin, 'though I could count the years we are to wear

out asunder. But the influence this fellow exercises over him has steadily increased, I fear.'

She could not help admitting that. Steadily, imperceptibly, and surely, until it was paramount and supreme.

She herself had none; and yet he treated her with more affection than at any previous time. Martin thought the

'Does the influence extend to fear?' said Martin. 'Is he timid of asserting his own opinion in the presence of

'I have thought so, often. Often when we are sitting alone, almost as we used to do, and I have been reading a

favourite book to him or he has been talking quite cheerfully, I have observed that the entrance of Mr

Pecksniff has changed his whole demeanour. He has broken off immediately, and become what you have

seen today. When we first came here he had his impetuous outbreaks, in which it was not easy for Mr

Pecksniff with his utmost plausibility to appease him. But these have long since dwindled away. He defers to

him in everything, and has no opinion upon any question, but that which is forced upon him by this

Such was the account, rapidly furnished in whispers, and interrupted, brief as it was, by many false alarms of

Mr Pecksniff's return; which Martin received of his grandfather's decline, and of that good gentleman's

ascendancy. He heard of Tom Pinch too, and Jonas too, with not a little about himself into the bargain; for

though lovers are remarkable for leaving a great deal unsaid on all occasions, and very properly desiring to

come back and say it, they are remarkable also for a wonderful power of condensation, and can, in one way

or other, give utterance to more languageeloquent languagein any given short space of time, than all the

six hundred and fiftyeight members in the Commons House of Parliament of the United Kingdom of Great

Britain and Ireland; who are strong lovers no doubt, but of their country only, which makes all the difference;

for in a passion of that kind (which is not always returned), it is the custom to use as many words as possible,

A caution from Mr Tapley; a hasty interchange of farewells, and of something else which the proverb says

must not be told of afterwards; a white hand held out to Mr Tapley himself, which he kissed with the

devotion of a knighterrant; more farewells, more something else's; a parting word from Martin that he

would write from London and would do great things there yet (Heaven knows what, but he quite believed it);

'A short interview after such an absence!' said Martin, sorrowfully. 'But we are well out of the house. We

might have placed ourselves in a false position by remaining there, even so long, Mark.'

'I don't know about ourselves, sir,' he returned; 'but somebody else would have got into a false position, if he

had happened to come back again, while we was there. I had the door all ready, sir. If Pecksniff had showed

his head, or had only so much as listened behind it, I would have caught him like a walnut. He's the sort of

A person who was evidently going to Mr Pecksniff's house, passed them at this moment. He raised his eyes at

the mention of the architect's name; and when he had gone on a few yards, stopped and gazed at them. Mr

Tapley, also, looked over his shoulder, and so did Martin; for the stranger, as he passed, had looked very

'Who may that be, I wonder!' said Martin. 'The face seems familiar to me, but I don't know the man.'

'He seems to have a amiable desire that his face should be tolerable familiar to us,' said Mr Tapley, 'for he's

astaring pretty hard. He'd better not waste his beauty, for he ain't got much to spare.'

'And a Salisbury carriage, eh?' said Mr Tapley. 'That's what he came in depend upon it. What's in the wind

now? A new pupil, I shouldn't wonder. P'raps it's a order for another grammarschool, of the same pattern as

Before they could enter at the door, Mrs Lupin came running out; and beckoning them to the carriage showed

'Miss Pecksniff's husband that was,' said the good woman to Martin. 'I didn't know what terms you might be

'He and I have never interchanged a word yet,' observed Martin; 'and as I have no wish to be better or worse

acquainted with him, I will not put myself in his way. We passed him on the road, I have no doubt. I am glad

he timed his coming as he did. Upon my word! Miss Pecksniff's husband travels gayly!'

'A very finelooking gentleman with himin the best room now,' whispered Mrs Lupin, glancing up at the

window as they went into the house. 'He has ordered everything that can be got for dinner; and has the

'Has he?' cried Martin, 'why then we'll endeavour to avoid him too, in the hope that our selfdenial may be

strong enough for the sacrifice. It is only for a few hours,' said Martin, dropping wearily into a chair behind

the little screen in the bar. 'Our visit has met with no success, my dear Mrs Lupin, and I must go to London.'

'Yes, one foul wind no more makes a winter, than one swallow makes a summer. I'll try it again. Tom Pinch

has succeeded. With his advice to guide me, I may do the same. I took Tom under my protection once, God

save the mark!' said Martin, with a melancholy smile; 'and promised I would make his fortune. Perhaps Tom

It was a special quality, among the many admirable qualities possessed by Mr Pecksniff, that the more he was

found out, the more hypocrisy he practised. Let him be discomfited in one quarter, and he refreshed and

recompensed himself by carrying the war into another. If his workings and windings were detected by A, so

much the greater reason was there for practicing without loss of time on B, if it were only to keep his hand in.

He had never been such a saintly and improving spectacle to all about him, as after his detection by Thomas

Pinch. He had scarcely ever been at once so tender in his humanity, and so dignified and exalted in his virtue,

Having this large stock of superfluous sentiment and morality on hand which must positively be cleared off at

any sacrifice, Mr Pecksniff no sooner heard his soninlaw announced, than he regarded him as a kind of

wholesale or general order, to be immediately executed. Descending, therefore, swiftly to the parlour, and

clasping the young man in his arms, he exclaimed, with looks and gestures that denoted the perturbation of

'What, you're at it again, are you?' replied his soninlaw. 'Even with me? Get away with you, will you?'

'She's well enough,' retorted Jonas, disengaging himself. 'There's nothing the matter with HER.'

'There is nothing the matter with her!' cried Mr Pecksniff, sitting down in the nearest chair, and rubbing up

his hair. 'Fie upon my weakness! I cannot help it, Jonas. Thank you. I am better now. How is my other child;

my eldest; my Cherrywerrychigo?' said Mr Pecksniff, inventing a playful little name for her, in the restored

'She's much about the same as usual,' returned Jonas. 'She sticks pretty close to the vinegarbottle. You know

'I have heard of it,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'from headquarters; from my child herself I will not deny that it moved

me to contemplate the loss of my remaining daughter, JonasI am afraid we parents are selfish, I am afraid

we arebut it has ever been the study of my life to qualify them for the domestic hearth; and it is a sphere

'She need adorn some sphere or other,' observed the soninlaw, for she ain't very ornamental in general.'

'My girls are now provided for,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'They are now happily provided for, and I have not

This is exactly what Mr Pecksniff would have said, if one of his daughters had drawn a prize of thirty

thousand pounds in the lottery, or if the other had picked up a valuable purse in the street, which nobody

appeared to claim. In either of these cases he would have invoked a patriarchal blessing on the fortunate head,

with great solemnity, and would have taken immense credit to himself, as having meant it from the infant's

'Suppose we talk about something else, now,' observed Jonas, drily. 'just for a change. Are you quite

'Quite,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Ah, you wag, you naughty wag! You laugh at poor old fond papa. Well! He

deserves it. And he don't mind it either, for his feelings are their own reward. You have come to stay with me,

'Bring your friend!' cried Mr Pecksniff, in a gush of hospitality. 'Bring any number of your friends!'

'This ain't the sort of man to be brought,' said Jonas, contemptuously. 'I think I see myself "bringing" him to

your house, for a treat! Thank'ee all the same; but he's a little too near the top of the tree for that, Pecksniff.'

The good man pricked up his ears; his interest was awakened. A position near the top of the tree was

greatness, virtue, goodness, sense, genius; or, it should rather be said, a dispensation from all, and in itself

something immeasurably better than all; with Mr Pecksniff. A man who was able to look down upon Mr

Pecksniff could not be looked up at, by that gentleman, with too great an amount of deference, or from a

'I'll tell you what you may do, if you like,' said Jonas; 'you may come and dine with us at the Dragon. We

were forced to come down to Salisbury last night, on some business, and I got him to bring me over here this

morning, in his carriage; at least, not his own carriage, for we had a breakdown in the night, but one we hired

instead; it's all the same. Mind what you're about, you know. He's not used to all sorts; he only mixes with the

'Some young nobleman who has been borrowing money of you at good interest, eh?' said Mr Pecksniff,

shaking his forefinger facetiously. 'I shall be delighted to know the gay sprig.'

'Borrowing!' echoed Jonas. 'Borrowing! When you're a twentieth part as rich as he is, you may shut up shop!

We should be pretty well off if we could buy his furniture, and plate, and pictures, by clubbing together. A

likely man to borrow: Mr Montague! Why since I was lucky enough (come! and I'll say, sharp enough, too)

to get a share in the Assurance office that he's President of, I've madenever mind what I've made,' said

Jonas, seeming to recover all at once his usual caution. 'You know me pretty well, and I don't blab about such

'Really, my dear Jonas,' cried Mr Pecksniff, with much warmth, 'a gentleman like this should receive some

attention. Would he like to see the church? or if he has a taste for the fine artswhich I have no doubt he

has, from the description you give of his circumstancesI can send him down a few portfolios. Salisbury

Cathedral, my dear Jonas,' said Mr Pecksniff; the mention of the portfolios and his anxiety to display himself

to advantage, suggesting his usual phraseology in that regard, 'is an edifice replete with venerable

associations, and strikingly suggestive of the loftiest emotions. It is here we contemplate the work of bygone

ages. It is here we listen to the swelling organ, as we stroll through the reverberating aisles. We have

drawings of this celebrated structure from the North, from the South, from the East, from the West, from the

During this digression, and indeed during the whole dialogue, Jonas had been rocking on his chair, with his

hands in his pockets and his head thrown cunningly on one side. He looked at Mr Pecksniff now with such

shrewd meaning twinkling in his eyes, that Mr Pecksniff stopped, and asked him what he was going to say.

'Ecod!' he answered. 'Pecksniff if I knew how you meant to leave your money, I could put you in the way of

doubling it in no time. It wouldn't be bad to keep a chance like this snug in the family. But you're such a deep

'Jonas!' cried Mr Pecksniff, much affected, 'I am not a diplomatical character; my heart is in my hand. By far

the greater part of the inconsiderable savings I have accumulated in the course ofI hopea not

dishonourable or useless career, is already given, devised, and bequeathed (correct me, my dear Jonas, if I am

technically wrong), with expressions of confidence, which I will not repeat; and in securities which it is

unnecessary to mention to a person whom I cannot, whom I will not, whom I need not, name.' Here he gave

the hand of his soninlaw a fervent squeeze, as if he would have added, 'God bless you; be very careful of it

Mr Jonas only shook his head and laughed, and, seeming to think better of what he had had in his mind, said,

'No. He would keep his own counsel.' But as he observed that he would take a walk, Mr Pecksniff insisted on

accompanying him, remarking that he could leave a card for Mr Montague, as they went along, by way of

In the course of their walk, Mr Jonas affected to maintain that close reserve which had operated as a timely

check upon him during the foregoing dialogue. And as he made no attempt to conciliate Mr Pecksniff, but, on

the contrary, was more boorish and rude to him than usual, that gentleman, so far from suspecting his real

design, laid himself out to be attacked with advantage. For it is in the nature of a knave to think the tools with

which he works indispensable to knavery; and knowing what he would do himself in such a case, Mr

Pecksniff argued, 'if this young man wanted anything of me for his own ends, he would be polite and

The more Jonas repelled him in his hints and inquiries, the more solicitous, therefore, Mr Pecksniff became to

be initiated into the golden mysteries at which he had obscurely glanced. Why should there be cold and

worldly secrets, he observed, between relations? What was life without confidence? If the chosen husband of

his daughter, the man to whom he had delivered her with so much pride and hope, such bounding and such

beaming joy; if he were not a green spot in the barren waste of life, where was that oasis to be bound?

Little did Mr Pecksniff think on what a very green spot he planted one foot at that moment! Little did he

foresee when he said, 'All is but dust!' how very shortly he would come down with his own!

Inch by inch, in his grudging and illconditioned way; sustained to the life, for the hope of making Mr

Pecksniff suffer in that tender place, the pocket, where Jonas smarted so terribly himself, gave him an

additional and malicious interest in the wiles he was set on to practise; inch by inch, and bit by bit, Jonas

rather allowed the dazzling prospects of the AngloBengalee establishment to escape him, than paraded them

before his greedy listener. And in the same niggardly spirit, he left Mr Pecksniff to infer, if he chose (which

he DID choose, of course), that a consciousness of not having any great natural gifts of speech and manner

himself, rendered him desirous to have the credit of introducing to Mr Montague some one who was well

endowed in those respects, and so atone for his own deficiencies. Otherwise, he muttered discontentedly, he

would have seen his beloved fatherinlaw 'far enough off,' before he would have taken him into his

Primed in this artful manner, Mr Pecksniff presented himself at dinnertime in such a state of suavity,

benevolence, cheerfulness, politeness, and cordiality, as even he had perhaps never attained before. The

frankness of the country gentleman, the refinement of the artist, the goodhumoured allowance of the man of

the world; philanthropy, forbearance, piety, toleration, all blended together in a flexible adaptability to

anything and everything; were expressed in Mr Pecksniff, as he shook hands with the great speculator and

'Welcome, respected sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'to our humble village! We are a simple people; primitive clods,

Mr Montague; but we can appreciate the honour of your visit, as my dear soninlaw can testify. It is very

strange,' said Mr Pecksniff, pressing his hand almost reverentially, 'but I seem to know you. That towering

forehead, my dear Jonas,' said Mr Pecksniff aside, 'and those clustering masses of rich hairI must have

'I could have wished,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'to have had the honour of introducing you to an elderly inmate of

our house: to the uncle of our friend. Mr Chuzzlewit, sir, would have been proud indeed to have taken you by

'Is the gentleman here now?' asked Montague, turning deeply red. 'He is,' said Mr Pecksniff.

'I didn't suppose you'd care to hear of it,' returned Jonas. 'You wouldn't care to know him, I can promise you.'

'Oh! it's all very well for you to speak up for him,' said Jonas. 'You have nailed him. You'll get a fortune by

'Oho! Is the wind in that quarter?' cried Montague. 'Ha, ha, ha!' and here they all laughedespecially Mr

'No, no!' said that gentleman, clapping his soninlaw playfully upon the shoulder. 'You must not believe all

that my young relative says, Mr Montague. You may believe him in official business, and trust him in official

'Upon my life, Mr Pecksniff,' cried Montague, 'I attach the greatest importance to that last observation of his.

I trust and hope it's true. Money cannot be turned and turned again quickly enough in the ordinary course, Mr

Pecksniff. There is nothing like building our fortune on the weaknesses of mankind.'

'Oh fie! oh fie, for shame!' cried Mr Pecksniff. But they all laughed againespecially Mr Pecksniff.

'Oh fie, fie!' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'You are very pleasant. That I am sure you don't! That I am sure you don't!

This was very agreeable indeed. It was confidential, easy, straightforward; and still left Mr Pecksniff in the

position of being in a gentle way the Mentor of the party. The greatest achievements in the article of cookery

that the Dragon had ever performed, were set before them; the oldest and best wines in the Dragon's cellar

saw the light on that occasion; a thousand bubbles, indicative of the wealth and station of Mr Montague in the

depths of his pursuits, were constantly rising to the surface of the conversation; and they were as frank and

merry as three honest men could be. Mr Pecksniff thought it a pity (he said so) that Mr Montague should

think lightly of mankind and their weaknesses. He was anxious upon this subject; his mind ran upon it; in one

way or another he was constantly coming back to it; he must make a convert of him, he said. And as often as

Mr Montague repeated his sentiment about building fortunes on the weaknesses of mankind, and added

frankly, 'WE do it!' just as often Mr Pecksniff repeated 'Oh fie! oh fie, for shame! I am sure you don't. How

The frequent repetition of this playful inquiry on the part of Mr Pecksniff, led at last to playful answers on the

part of Mr Montague; but after some little sharpshooting on both sides, Mr Pecksniff became grave, almost

to tears; observing that if Mr Montague would give him leave, he would drink the health of his young

kinsman, Mr Jonas; congratulating him upon the valuable and distinguished friendship he had formed, but

envying him, he would confess, his usefulness to his fellowcreatures. For, if he understood the objects of

that Institution with which he was newly and advantageously connectedknowing them but

imperfectlythey were calculated to do Good; and for his (Mr Pecksniff's) part, if he could in any way

promote them, he thought he would be able to lay his head upon his pillow every night, with an absolute

The transition from this accidental remark (for it was quite accidental and had fallen from Mr Pecksniff in the

openness of his soul), to the discussion of the subject as a matter of business, was easy. Books, papers,

statements, tables, calculations of various kinds, were soon spread out before them; and as they were all

framed with one object, it is not surprising that they should all have tended to one end. But still, whenever

Montague enlarged upon the profits of the office, and said that as long as there were gulls upon the wing it

must succeed, Mr Pecksniff mildly said 'Oh fie!' and might indeed have remonstrated with him, but that he

There never had been before, and there never would be again, such an opportunity for the investment of a

considerable sum (the rate of advantage increased in proportion to the amount invested), as at that moment.

The only time that had at all approached it, was the time when Jonas had come into the concern; which made

him illnatured now, and inclined him to pick out a doubt in this place, and a flaw in that, and grumbling to

advise Mr Pecksniff to think better of it. The sum which would complete the proprietorship in this snug

concern, was nearly equal to Mr Pecksniff's whole hoard; not counting Mr Chuzzlewit, that is to say, whom

he looked upon as money in the Bank, the possession of which inclined him the more to make a dash with his

own private sprats for the capture of such a whale as Mr Montague described. The returns began almost

immediately, and were immense. The end of it was, that Mr Pecksniff agreed to become the last partner and

proprietor in the AngloBengalee, and made an appointment to dine with Mr Montague, at Salisbury, on the

It took so long to bring the subject to this head, that it was nearly midnight when they parted. When Mr

Pecksniff walked downstairs to the door, he found Mrs Lupin standing there, looking out.

'Ah, my good friend!' he said; 'not abed yet! Contemplating the stars, Mrs Lupin?'

'A beautiful starlight night,' said Mr Pecksniff, looking up. 'Behold the planets, how they shine! Behold

thethose two persons who were here this morning have left your house, I hope, Mrs Lupin?'

'I am glad to hear it,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Behold the wonders of the firmament, Mrs Lupin! how glorious is

the scene! When I look up at those shining orbs, I think that each of them is winking to the other to take

notice of the vanity of men's pursuits. My fellowmen!' cried Mr Pecksniff, shaking his head in pity; 'you are

much mistaken; my wormy relatives, you are much deceived! The stars are perfectly contented (I suppose so)

in their several spheres. Why are not you? Oh! do not strive and struggle to enrich yourselves, or to get the

'Look up there, with me!' repeated Mr Pecksniff, stretching out his hand; 'With me, a humble individual who

is also an insect like yourselves. Can silver, gold, or precious stones, sparkle like those constellations! I think

not. Then do not thirst for silver, gold, or precious stones; but look up there, with me!'

With those words, the good man patted Mrs Lupin's hand between his own, as if he would have added 'think

of this, my good woman!' and walked away in a sort of ecstasy or rapture, with his hat under his arm.

Jonas sat in the attitude in which Mr Pecksniff had left him, gazing moodily at his friend; who, surrounded by

'You mean to wait at Salisbury over the day after tomorrow, do you, then?' said Jonas.

'You heard our appointment,' returned Montague, without raising his eyes. 'In any case I should have waited

They appeared to have changed places again; Montague being in high spirits; Jonas gloomy and lowering.

'I want you to put your name here,' he returned, glancing at him with a smile, 'as soon as I have filled up the

stamp. I may as well have your note of hand for that extra capital. That's all I want. If you wish to go home, I

can manage Mr Pecksniff now, alone. There is a perfect understanding between us.'

Jonas sat scowling at him as he wrote, in silence. When he had finished his writing, and had dried it on the

blotting paper in his travellingdesk; he looked up, and tossed the pen towards him.

'What, not a day's grace, not a day's trust, eh?' said Jonas bitterly. 'Not after the pains I have taken with

'To night's work was a part of our bargain,' replied Montague; 'and so was this.'

'You drive a hard bargain,' said Jonas, advancing to the table. 'You know best. Give it here!'

Montague gave him the paper. After pausing as if he could not make up his mind to put his name to it, Jonas

dipped his pen hastily in the nearest inkstand, and began to write. But he had scarcely marked the paper when

He had dipped the pen, as another moment showed, into red ink. But he attached a strange degree of

importance to the mistake. He asked how it had come there, who had brought it, why it had been brought; and

looked at Montague, at first, as if he thought he had put a trick upon him. Even when he used a different pen,

and the right ink, he made some scratches on another paper first, as half believing they would turn red also.

'I shall cross early in the morning to the high road, before you are out of bed; and catch the daycoach, going

His friend looked after him as he went out, in surprise, which gradually gave place to an air of satisfaction

'It happens all the better. It brings about what I wanted, without any difficulty. I shall travel home alone.'

Tom Pinch and his sister having to part, for the dispatch of the morning's business, immediately after the

dispersion of the other actors in the scene upon the wharf with which the reader has been already made

acquainted, had no opportunity of discussing the subject at that time. But Tom, in his solitary office, and

Ruth, in the triangular parlour, thought about nothing else all day; and, when their hour of meeting in the

There was a little plot between them, that Tom should always come out of the Temple by one way; and that

was past the fountain. Coming through Fountain Court, he was just to glance down the steps leading into

Garden Court, and to look once all round him; and if Ruth had come to meet him, there he would see her; not

sauntering, you understand (on account of the clerks), but coming briskly up, with the best little laugh upon

her face that ever played in opposition to the fountain, and beat it all to nothing. For, fifty to one, Tom had

been looking for her in the wrong direction, and had quite given her up, while she had been tripping towards

him from the first; jingling that little reticule of hers (with all the keys in it) to attract his wandering

Whether there was life enough left in the slow vegetation of Fountain Court for the smoky shrubs to have any

consciousness of the brightest and puresthearted little woman in the world, is a question for gardeners, and

those who are learned in the loves of plants. But, that it was a good thing for that same paved yard to have

such a delicate little figure flitting through it; that it passed like a smile from the grimy old houses, and the

worn flagstones, and left them duller, darker, sterner than before; there is no sort of doubt. The Temple

fountain might have leaped up twenty feet to greet the spring of hopeful maidenhood, that in her person stole

on, sparkling, through the dry and dusty channels of the Law; the chirping sparrows, bred in Temple chinks

and crannies, might have held their peace to listen to imaginary skylarks, as so fresh a little creature passed;

the dingy boughs, unused to droop, otherwise than in their puny growth, might have bent down in a kindred

gracefulness to shed their benedictions on her graceful head; old love letters, shut up in iron boxes in the

neighbouring offices, and made of no account among the heaps of family papers into which they had strayed,

and of which, in their degeneracy, they formed a part, might have stirred and fluttered with a moment's

recollection of their ancient tenderness, as she went lightly by. Anything might have happened that did not

Something happened, too, upon the afternoon of which the history treats. Not for her love. Oh no! quite by

Either she was a little too soon, or Tom was a little too lateshe was so precise in general, that she timed it

to half a minutebut no Tom was there. Well! But was anybody else there, that she blushed so deeply, after

Why, the fact is, that Mr Westlock was passing at that moment. The Temple is a public thoroughfare; they

may write up on the gates that it is not, but so long as the gates are left open it is, and will be; and Mr

Westlock had as good a right to be there as anybody else. But why did she run away, then? Not being ill

dressed, for she was much too neat for that, why did she run away? The brown hair that had fallen down

beneath her bonnet, and had one impertinent imp of a false flower clinging to it, boastful of its licence before

all men, THAT could not have been the cause, for it looked charming. Oh! foolish, panting, frightened little

Merrily the tiny fountain played, and merrily the dimples sparkled on its sunny face. John Westlock hurried

after her. Softly the whispering water broke and fell; as roguishly the dimples twinkled, as he stole upon her

Oh, foolish, panting, timid little heart, why did she feign to be unconscious of his coming! Why wish herself

'I felt sure it was you,' said John, when he overtook her in the sanctuary of Garden Court. 'I knew I couldn't be

So light was the touch of the coy little hand, that he glanced down to assure himself he had it on his arm. But

his glance, stopping for an instant at the bright eyes, forgot its first design, and went no farther.

They walked up and down three or four times, speaking about Tom and his mysterious employment. Now

that was a very natural and innocent subject, surely. Then why, whenever Ruth lifted up her eyes, did she let

them fall again immediately, and seek the uncongenial pavement of the court? They were not such eyes as

shun the light; they were not such eyes as require to be hoarded to enhance their value. They were much too

precious and too genuine to stand in need of arts like those. Somebody must have been looking at them!

They found out Tom, though, quickly enough. This pair of eyes descried him in the distance, the moment he

appeared. He was staring about him, as usual, in all directions but the right one; and was as obstinate in not

looking towards them, as if he had intended it. As it was plain that, being left to himself, he would walk away

This made the approach of poor little Ruth, by herself, one of the most embarrassing of circumstances. There

was Tom, manifesting extreme surprise (he had no presence of mind, that Tom, on small occasions); there

was John, making as light of it as he could, but explaining at the same time with most unnecessary

elaboration; and here was she, coming towards them, with both of them looking at her, conscious of blushing

to a terrible extent, but trying to throw up her eyebrows carelessly, and pout her rosy lips, as if she were the

Merrily the fountain plashed and plashed, until the dimples, merging into one another, swelled into a general

'What an extraordinary meeting!' said Tom. 'I should never have dreamed of seeing you two together here.'

'Exactly,' cried Tom; 'that's what I mean, you know. If it wasn't accidental, there would be nothing

'Such an outoftheway place for you to have met in,' pursued Tom, quite delighted. 'Such an unlikely

John rather disputed that. On the contrary, he considered it a very likely spot, indeed. He was constantly

passing to and fro there, he said. He shouldn't wonder if it were to happen again. His only wonder was, that it

By this time Ruth had got round on the farther side of her brother, and had taken his arm. She was squeezing

it now, as much as to say 'Are you going to stop here all day, you dear, old, blundering Tom?'

Tom answered the squeeze as if it had been a speech. 'John,' he said, 'if you'll give my sister your arm, we'll

take her between us, and walk on. I have a curious circumstance to relate to you. Our meeting could not have

Merrily the fountain leaped and danced, and merrily the smiling dimples twinkled and expanded more and

'Tom,' said his friend, as they turned into the noisy street, 'I have a proposition to make. It is, that you and

your sisterif she will so far honour a poor bachelor's dwellinggive me a great pleasure, and come and

'Yes, today. It's close by, you know. Pray, Miss Pinch, insist upon it. It will be very disinterested, for I have

'Oh! you must not believe that, Ruth,' said Tom. 'He is the most tremendous fellow, in his housekeeping, that

I ever heard of, for a single man. He ought to be Lord Mayor. Well! what do you say? Shall we go?'

'But I mean,' said Tom, regarding her with smiling admiration; 'is there anything you ought to wear, and

haven't got? I am sure I don't know, John; she may not be able to take her bonnet off, for anything I can tell.'

There was a great deal of laughing at this, and there were divers compliments from John Westlocknot

compliments HE said at least (and really he was right), but good, plain, honest truths, which no one could

deny. Ruth laughed, and all that, but she made no objection; so it was an engagement.

'If I had known it a little sooner,' said John, 'I would have tried another pudding. Not in rivalry; but merely to

'Because that cookerybook advises suet,' said John Westlock; 'and ours was made with flour and eggs.'

'Oh good gracious!' cried Tom. 'Ours was made with flour and eggs, was it? Ha, ha, ha! A beefsteak pudding

made with flour and eggs! Why anybody knows better than that. I know better than that! Ha, ha, ha!'

It is unnecessary to say that Tom had been present at the making of the pudding, and had been a devoted

believer in it all through. But he was so delighted to have this joke against his busy little sister and was

tickled to that degree at having found her out, that he stopped in Temple Bar to laugh; and it was no more to

Tom, that he was anathematized and knocked about by the surly passengers, than it would have been to a

post; for he continued to exclaim with unabated good humour, 'flour and eggs! A beefsteak pudding made

with flour and eggs!' until John Westlock and his sister fairly ran away from him, and left him to have his

laugh out by himself; which he had, and then came dodging across the crowded street to them, with such

sweet temper and tenderness (it was quite a tender joke of Tom's) beaming in his face, God bless it, that it

might have purified the air, though Temple Bar had been, as in the golden days gone by, embellished with a

There are snug chambers in those Inns where the bachelors live, and, for the desolate fellows they pretend to

be, it is quite surprising how well they get on. John was very pathetic on the subject of his dreary life, and the

deplorable makeshifts and apologetic contrivances it involved, but he really seemed to make himself pretty

comfortable. His rooms were the perfection of neatness and convenience at any rate; and if he were anything

He had no sooner ushered Tom and his sister into his best room (where there was a beautiful little vase of

fresh flowers on the table, all ready for Ruth. Just as if he had expected her, Tom said), than, seizing his hat,

he bustled out again, in his most energetically bustling, way; and presently came hurrying back, as they saw

through the halfopened door, attended by a fieryfaced matron attired in a crunched bonnet, with

particularly long strings to it hanging down her back; in conjunction with whom he instantly began to lay the

cloth for dinner, polishing up the wineglasses with his own hands, brightening the silver top of the

peppercaster on his coatsleeve, drawing corks and filling decanters, with a skill and expedition that were

quite dazzling. And as if, in the course of this rubbing and polishing, he had rubbed an enchanted lamp or a

magic ring, obedient to which there were twenty thousand supernatural slaves at least, suddenly there

appeared a being in a white waistcoat, carrying under his arm a napkin, and attended by another being with an

oblong box upon his head, from which a banquet, piping hot, was taken out and set upon the table.

Salmon, lamb, peas, innocent young potatoes, a cool salad, sliced cucumber, a tender duckling, and a

tartall there. They all came at the right time. Where they came from, didn't appear; but the oblong box was

constantly going and coming, and making its arrival known to the man in the white waistcoat by bumping

modestly against the outside of the door; for, after its first appearance, it entered the room no more. He was

never surprised, this man; he never seemed to wonder at the extraordinary things he found in the box, but

took them out with a face expressive of a steady purpose and impenetrable character, and put them on the

table. He was a kind man; gentle in his manners, and much interested in what they ate and drank. He was a

learned man, and knew the flavour of John Westlock's private sauces, which he softly and feelingly

described, as he handed the little bottles round. He was a grave man, and a noiseless; for dinner being done,

and wine and fruit arranged upon the board, he vanished, box and all, like something that had never been.

'Didn't I say he was a tremendous fellow in his housekeeping?' cried Tom. 'Bless my soul! It's wonderful.'

'Ah, Miss Pinch,' said John. 'This is the bright side of the life we lead in such a place. It would be a dismal

'Don't believe a word he says,' cried Tom. 'He lives here like a monarch, and wouldn't change his mode of life

No, John really did not appear to pretend; for he was uncommonly earnest in his desire to have it understood

that he was as dull, solitary, and uncomfortable on ordinary occasions as an unfortunate young man could, in

reason, be. It was a wretched life, he said, a miserable life. He thought of getting rid of the chambers as soon

'Well' said Tom Pinch, 'I don't know where you can go, John, to be more comfortable. That's all I can say.

Ruth trifled with the cherries on her plate, and said that she thought Mr Westlock ought to be quite happy,

'But you are forgetting what you had to tell, Tom; what occurred this morning,' she added in the same breath.

'So I am,' said Tom. 'We have been so talkative on other topics that I declare I have not had time to think of it.

On Tom's relating what had passed upon the wharf, his friend was very much surprised, and took such a great

interest in the narrative as Tom could not quite understand. He believed he knew the old lady whose

acquaintance they had made, he said; and that he might venture to say, from their description of her, that her

name was Gamp. But of what nature the communication could have been which Tom had borne so

unexpectedly; why its delivery had been entrusted to him; how it happened that the parties were involved

together; and what secret lay at the bottom of the whole affair; perplexed him very much. Tom had been sure

of his taking some interest in the matter; but was not prepared for the strong interest he showed. It held John

Westlock to the subject even after Ruth had left the room; and evidently made him anxious to pursue it

'I shall remonstrate with my landlord, of course,' said Tom; 'though he is a very singular secret sort of man,

and not likely to afford me much satisfaction; even if he knew what was in the letter.'

'Well!' said Tom, 'I shall remonstrate with him when I see him (he goes in and out in a strange way, but I will

try to catch him tomorrow morning), on his having asked me to execute such an unpleasant commission. And

I have been thinking, John, that if I went down to Mrs What'shername's in the City, where I was before,

you knowMrs Todgers'stomorrow morning, I might find poor Mercy Pecksniff there, perhaps, and be

'You are perfectly right, Tom,' returned his friend, after a short interval of reflection. 'You cannot do better. It

is quite clear to me that whatever the business is, there is little good in it; and it is so desirable for you to

disentangle yourself from any appearance of willful connection with it, that I would counsel you to see her

husband, if you can, and wash your hands of it by a plain statement of the facts. I have a misgiving that there

is something dark at work here, Tom. I will tell you why, at another time; when I have made an inquiry or

All this sounded very mysterious to Tom Pinch. But as he knew he could rely upon his friend, he resolved to

Ah, but it would have been a good thing to have had a coat of invisibility, wherein to have watched little

Ruth, when she was left to herself in John Westlock's chambers, and John and her brother were talking thus,

over their wine! The gentle way in which she tried to get up a little conversation with the fieryfaced matron

in the crunched bonnet, who was waiting to attend her; after making a desperate rally in regard of her dress,

and attiring herself in a washedout yellow gown with sprigs of the same upon it, so that it looked like a

tesselated work of pats of butter. That would have been pleasant. The grim and griffinlike inflexibility with

which the fieryfaced matron repelled these engaging advances, as proceeding from a hostile and dangerous

power, who could have no business there, unless it were to deprive her of a customer, or suggest what

became of the selfconsuming tea and sugar, and other general trifles. That would have been agreeable. The

bashful, winning, glorious curiosity, with which little Ruth, when fieryface was gone, peeped into the books

and nicknacks that were lying about, and had a particular interest in some delicate papermatches on the

chimneypiece; wondering who could have made them. That would have been worth seeing. The faltering

hand with which she tied those flowers together; with which, almost blushing at her own fair self as imaged

in the glass, she arranged them in her breast, and looking at them with her head aside, now half resolved to

take them out again, now half resolved to leave them where they were. That would have been delightful!

John seemed to think it all delightful; for coming in with Tom to tea, he took his seat beside her like a man

enchanted. And when the teaservice had been removed, and Tom, sitting down at the piano, became

absorbed in some of his old organ tunes, he was still beside her at the open window, looking out upon the

There is little enough to see in Furnival's Inn. It is a shady, quiet place, echoing to the footsteps of the

stragglers who have business there; and rather monotonous and gloomy on summer evenings. What gave it

such a charm to them, that they remained at the window as unconscious of the flight of time as Tom himself,

the dreamer, while the melodies which had so often soothed his spirit were hovering again about him! What

power infused into the fading light, the gathering darkness; the stars that here and there appeared; the evening

air, the City's hum and stir, the very chiming of the old church clocks; such exquisite enthrallment, that the

divinest regions of the earth spread out before their eyes could not have held them captive in a stronger

The shadows deepened, deepened, and the room became quite dark. Still Tom's fingers wandered over the

keys of the piano, and still the window had its pair of tenants. At length, her hand upon his shoulder, and her

'Dear me!' he cried, desisting with a start. 'I am afraid I have been very inconsiderate and unpolite.'

John Westlock added his entreaties with such earnestness that a flinty heart alone could have resisted them.

So down she sat, and in a pleasant voice began to sing the ballads Tom loved well. Old rhyming stories, with

here and there a pause for a few simple chords, such as a harper might have sounded in the ancient time while

looking upward for the current of some half remembered legend; words of old poets, wedded to such

measures that the strain of music might have been the poet's breath, giving utterance and expression to his

thoughts; and now a melody so joyous and lighthearted, that the singer seemed incapable of sadness, until in

her inconstancy (oh wicked little singer!) she relapsed, and broke the listeners' hearts again; these were the

simple means she used to please them. And that these simple means prevailed, and she DID please them, let

The candles came at last, and it was time for moving homeward. Cutting paper carefully, and rolling it about

the stalks of those same flowers, occasioned some delay; but even this was done in time, and Ruth was ready.

'No, no. Don't!' said Tom. 'What nonsense! We can get home very well alone. I couldn't think of taking you

'Are you sure you would rather?' said Tom. 'I am afraid you only say so out of politeness.'

John being quite sure, gave his arm to Ruth, and led her out. Fieryface, who was again in attendance,

acknowledged her departure with so cold a curtsey that it was hardly visible; and cut Tom, dead.

Their host was bent on walking the whole distance, and would not listen to Tom's dissuasions. Happy time,

happy walk, happy parting, happy dreams! But there are some sweet daydreams, so there are that put the

Busily the Temple fountain murmured in the moonlight, while Ruth lay sleeping, with her flowers beside her;

On the next day's official duties coming to a close, Tom hurried home without losing any time by the way;

and after dinner and a short rest sallied out again, accompanied by Ruth, to pay his projected visit to

Todgers's. Tom took Ruth with him, not only because it was a great pleasure to him to have her for his

companion whenever he could, but because he wished her to cherish and comfort poor Merry; which she, for

her own part (having heard the wretched history of that young wife from Tom), was all eagerness to do.

'She was so glad to see me,' said Tom, 'that I am sure she will be glad to see you. Your sympathy is certain to

'I am very far from being certain of that, Tom,' she replied; 'and indeed you do yourself an injustice. Indeed

'What a number of friends I should have, if everybody was of your way of thinking. Shouldn't I, Tom, dear?'

Tom laughed, and said that with reference to this particular case he had no doubt at all of finding a disciple in

Merry. 'For you women,' said Tom, 'you women, my dear, are so kind, and in your kindness have such nice

perception; you know so well how to be affectionate and full of solicitude without appearing to be; your

gentleness of feeling is like your touch so light and easy, that the one enables you to deal with wounds of the

mind as tenderly as the other enables you to deal with wounds of the body. You are such'

'My goodness, Tom!' his sister interposed. 'You ought to fall in love immediately.'

Tom put this observation off good humouredly, but somewhat gravely too; and they were soon very chatty

As they were passing through a street in the City, not very far from Mrs Todgers's place of residence, Ruth

checked Tom before the window of a large Upholstery and Furniture Warehouse, to call his attention to

something very magnificent and ingenious, displayed there to the best advantage, for the admiration and

temptation of the public. Tom had hazarded some most erroneous and extravagantly wrong guess in relation

to the price of this article, and had joined his sister in laughing heartily at his mistake, when he pressed her

arm in his, and pointed to two persons at a little distance, who were looking in at the same window with a

'Hush!' Tom whispered. 'Miss Pecksniff, and the young gentleman to whom she is going to be married.'

'Why does he look as if he was going to be buried, Tom?' inquired his little sister.

'Why, he is naturally a dismal young gentleman, I believe,' said Tom 'but he is very civil and inoffensive.'

They could not very well avoid looking at them, however, especially as some obstruction on the pavement, at

a little distance, happened to detain them where they were for a few moments. Miss Pecksniff had quite the

air of having taken the unhappy Moddle captive, and brought him up to the contemplation of the furniture

like a lamb to the altar. He offered no resistance, but was perfectly resigned and quiet. The melancholy

depicted in the turn of his languishing head, and in his dejected attitude, was extreme; and though there was a

fullsized fourpost bedstead in the window, such a tear stood trembling in his eye as seemed to blot it out.

'Augustus, my love,' said Miss Pecksniff, 'ask the price of the eight rosewood chairs, and the loo table.'

'Perhaps they are ordered already,' said Augustus. 'Perhaps they are Another's.'

He appeared, for the moment, to be quite overwhelmed and stupefied by the prospect of his approaching

happiness; but recovering, entered the shop. He returned immediately, saying in a tone of despair

Miss Pecksniff, turning to receive this announcement, became conscious of the observation of Tom Pinch and

'Oh, really!' cried Miss Pecksniff, glancing about her, as if for some convenient means of sinking into the

earth. 'Upon my word, I there never was such ato think that one should be so veryMr Augustus

Miss Pecksniff was quite gracious to Miss Pinch in this triumphant introduction; exceedingly gracious. She

was more than gracious; she was kind and cordial. Whether the recollection of the old service Tom had

rendered her in knocking Mr Jonas on the head had wrought this change in her opinions; or whether her

separation from her parent had reconciled her to all humankind, or to all that interesting portion of

humankind which was not friendly to him; or whether the delight of having some new female acquaintance

to whom to communicate her interesting prospects was paramount to every other consideration; cordial and

kind Miss Pecksniff was. And twice Miss Pecksniff kissed Miss Pinch upon the cheek.

'AugustusMr Pinch, you know. My dear girl!' said Miss Pecksniff, aside. 'I never was so ashamed in my

'I mind your brother less than anybody else,' simpered Miss Pecksniff. 'But the indelicacy of meeting any

'Oh, you silly man! I don't mean them,' said Miss Pecksniff. 'I am speaking of the'

'If it's the same patterned chintz as that in the window; thirty two, twelve, six,' said Moddle, with a sigh.

Miss Pecksniff stopped him from giving any further explanation by laying her hand upon his lips, and

betraying a soft embarrassment. She then asked Tom Pinch which way he was going.

'I was going to see if I could find your sister,' answered Tom, 'to whom I wished to say a few words. We were

'It's of no use your going on, then,' said Cherry, 'for we have not long left there; and I know she is not at

home. But I'll take you to my sister's house, if you please. AugustusMr Moddle, I mean and myself, are

on our way to tea there, now. You needn't think of HIM,' she added, nodding her head as she observed some

'Oh, I am quite sure of that. I don't want any MORE revenge,' said Miss Pecksniff, expressively. 'But, really, I

must beg you two gentlemen to walk on, and allow me to follow with Miss Pinch. My dear, I never was so

In furtherance of this bashful arrangement, Moddle gave his arm to Tom; and Miss Pecksniff linked her own

'Of course, my love,' said Miss Pecksniff, 'it would be useless for me to disguise, after what you have seen,

that I am about to be united to the gentleman who is walking with your brother. It would be in vain to conceal

'I am curious to know,' said Miss Pecksniff, with loquacious frankness, 'whether you have observed, or

fancied, in this very short space of time, that he is of a rather melancholy turn?'

'No, no; but don't let that interfere with your answer,' returned Miss Pecksniff. 'I am curious to hear what you

Ruth acknowledged that he had impressed her at first sight as looking 'rather low.'

'No, really?' said Miss Pecksniff. 'Well! that is quite remarkable! Everybody says the same. Mrs Todgers says

the same; and Augustus informs me that it is quite a joke among the gentlemen in the house. Indeed, but for

the positive commands I have laid upon him, I believe it would have been the occasion of loaded firearms

being resorted to more than once. What do you think is the cause of his appearance of depression?'

Ruth thought of several things; such as his digestion, his tailor, his mother, and the like. But hesitating to give

'My dear,' said Miss Pecksniff; 'I shouldn't wish it to be known, but I don't mind mentioning it to you, having

known your brother for so many yearsI refused Augustus three times. He is of a most amiable and

sensitive nature, always ready to shed tears if you look at him, which is extremely charming; and he has never

recovered the effect of that cruelty. For it WAS cruel,' said Miss Pecksniff, with a selfconviction candour

that might have adorned the diadem of her own papa. 'There is no doubt of it. I look back upon my conduct

now with blushes. I always liked him. I felt that he was not to me what the crowd of young men who had

made proposals had been, but something very different. Then what right had I to refuse him three times?'

'My dear,' returned Miss Pecksniff. 'It was wrong. But such is the caprice and thoughtlessness of our sex! Let

me be a warning to you. Don't try the feelings of any one who makes you an offer, as I have tried the feelings

of Augustus; but if you ever feel towards a person as I really felt towards him, at the very time when I was

driving him to distraction, let that feeling find expression, if that person throws himself at your feet, as

Augustus Moddle did at mine. Think,' said Miss Pecksniff, 'what my feelings would have been, if I had

'Remorse!' cried Miss Pecksniff, in a sort of snug and comfortable penitence. 'What my remorse is at this

moment, even after making reparation by accepting him, it would be impossible to tell you! Looking back

upon my giddy self, my dear, now that I am sobered down and made thoughtful, by treading on the very brink

of matrimony; and contemplating myself as I was when I was like what you are now; I shudder. I shudder.

What is the consequence of my past conduct? Until Augustus leads me to the altar he is not sure of me. I have

blighted and withered the affections of his heart to that extent that he is not sure of me. I see that preying on

his mind and feeding on his vitals. What are the reproaches of my conscience, when I see this in the man I

Ruth endeavoured to express some sense of her unbounded and flattering confidence; and presumed that she

'Very soon indeed,' returned Miss Pecksniff. 'As soon as our house is ready. We are furnishing now as fast as

In the same vein of confidence Miss Pecksniff ran through a general inventory of the articles that were

already bought with the articles that remained to be purchased; what garments she intended to be married in,

and where the ceremony was to be performed; and gave Miss Pinch, in short (as she told her), early and

While this was going forward in the rear, Tom and Mr Moddle walked on, arm in arm, in the front, in a state

of profound silence, which Tom at last broke; after thinking for a long time what he could say that should

refer to an indifferent topic, in respect of which he might rely, with some degree of certainty, on Mr Moddle's

'I wonder,' said Tom, 'that in these crowded streets the foot passengers are not oftener run over.'

'That there are some men,' interrupted Moddle, with a hollow laugh, 'who can't get run over. They live a

charmed life. Coal waggons recoil from them, and even cabs refuse to run them down. Ah!' said Augustus,

marking Tom's astonishment. 'There are such men. One of 'em is a friend of mine.'

'Upon my word and honour,' thought Tom, 'this young gentleman is in a state of mind which is very serious

indeed!' Abandoning all idea of conversation, he did not venture to say another word, but he was careful to

keep a tight hold upon Augustus's arm, lest he should fly into the road, and making another and a more

successful attempt, should get up a private little Juggernaut before the eyes of his betrothed. Tom was so

afraid of his committing this rash act, that he had scarcely ever experienced such mental relief as when they

'Walk up, pray, Mr Pinch,' said Miss Pecksniff. For Tom halted, irresolutely, at the door.

'I am doubtful whether I should be welcome,' replied Tom, 'or, I ought rather to say, I have no doubt about it.

'But what nonsense that is!' returned Miss Pecksniff, speaking apart to Tom. 'He is not at home, I am certain.

'No,' interrupted Tom. 'Nor would I have her know it, on any account. I am not so proud of that scuffle, I

'Ah, but then you are so modest, you see,' returned Miss Pecksniff, with a smile. 'But pray walk up. If you

don't wish her to know it, and do wish to speak to her, pray walk up. Pray walk up, Miss Pinch. Don't stand

Tom still hesitated for he felt that he was in an awkward position. But Cherry passing him at this juncture,

and leading his sister upstairs, and the housedoor being at the same time shut behind them, he followed

'Merry, my darling!' said the fair Miss Pecksniff, opening the door of the usual sittingroom. 'Here are Mr

Pinch and his sister come to see you! I thought we should find you here, Mrs Todgers! How do you do, Mrs

Gamp? And how do you do, Mr Chuffey, though it's of no use asking you the question, I am well aware.'

Honouring each of these parties, as she severally addressed them, with an acid smile, Miss Charity presented

'I believe you have seen HIM before,' she pleasantly observed. 'Augustus, my sweet child, bring me a chair.'

The sweet child did as he was told; and was then about to retire into a corner to mourn in secret, when Miss

Charity, calling him in an audible whisper a 'little pet,' gave him leave to come and sit beside her. It is to be

hoped, for the general cheerfulness of mankind, that such a doleful little pet was never seen as Mr Moddle

looked when he complied. So despondent was his temper, that he showed no outward thrill of ecstasy when

Miss Pecksniff placed her lily hand in his, and concealed this mark of her favour from the vulgar gaze by

covering it with a corner of her shawl. Indeed, he was infinitely more rueful then than he had been before;

and, sitting uncomfortably upright in his chair, surveyed the company with watery eyes, which seemed to say,

without the aid of language, 'Oh, good gracious! look here! Won't some kind Christian help me!'

But the ecstasies of Mrs Gamp were sufficient to have furnished forth a score of young lovers; and they were

chiefly awakened by the sight of Tom Pinch and his sister. Mrs Gamp was a lady of that happy temperament

which can be ecstatic without any other stimulating cause than a general desire to establish a large and

profitable connection. She added daily so many strings to her bow, that she made a perfect harp of it; and

'Why, goodness me!' she said, 'Mrs Chuzzlewit! To think as I should see beneath this blessed 'ouse, which

well I know it, Miss Pecksniff, my sweet young lady, to be a 'ouse as there is not a many like, worse luck, and

wishin' it were not so, which then this tearful walley would be changed into a flowerin' guardian, Mr Chuffey;

to think as I should see beneath this indiwidgle roof, identically comin', Mr Pinch (I take the liberty, though

almost unbeknown), and do assure you of it, sir, the smilinest and sweetest face as ever, Mrs Chuzzlewit, I

see exceptin' yourn, my dear good lady, and YOUR good lady's too, sir, Mr Moddle, if I may make so bold as

speak so plain of what is plain enough to them as needn't look through millstones, Mrs Todgers, to find out

wot is wrote upon the wall behind. Which no offence is meant, ladies and gentlemen; none bein' took, I hope.

To think as I should see that smilinest and sweetest face which me and another friend of mine, took notice of

among the packages down London Bridge, in this promiscous place, is a surprige indeed!'

Having contrived, in this happy manner, to invest every member of her audience with an individual share and

immediate personal interest in her address, Mrs Gamp dropped several curtseys to Ruth, and smilingly

'Now, ain't we rich in beauty this here joyful arternoon, I'm sure. I knows a lady, which her name, I'll not

deceive you, Mrs Chuzzlewit, is Harris, her husband's brother bein' six foot three, and marked with a mad

bull in Wellington boots upon his left arm, on account of his precious mother havin' been worrited by one

into a shoemaker's shop, when in a sitiwation which blessed is the man as has his quiver full of sech, as many

times I've said to Gamp when words has roge betwixt us on account of the expenseand often have I said to

Mrs Harris, "Oh, Mrs Harris, ma'am! your countenance is quite a angel's!" Which, but for Pimples, it would

be. "No, Sairey Gamp," says she, "you best of hardworking and industrious creeturs as ever was underpaid

at any price, which underpaid you are, quite diff'rent. Harris had it done afore marriage at ten and six," she

says, "and wore it faithful next his heart "till the colour run, when the money was declined to be give back,

and no arrangement could be come to. But he never said it was a angel's, Sairey, wotever he might have

thought." If Mrs Harris's husband was here now,' said Mrs Gamp, looking round, and chuckling as she

dropped a general curtsey, 'he'd speak out plain, he would, and his dear wife would be the last to blame him!

For if ever a woman lived as know'd not wot it was to form a wish to pizon them as had good looks, and had

no reagion give her by the best of husbands, Mrs Harris is that ev'nly dispogician!'

With these words the worthy woman, who appeared to have dropped in to take tea as a delicate little

attention, rather than to have any engagement on the premises in an official capacity, crossed to Mr Chuffey,

'Rouge yourself, and look up! Come!' said Mrs Gamp. 'Here's company, Mr Chuffey.'

'I am sorry for it,' cried the old man, looking humbly round the room. 'I know I'm in the way. I ask pardon,

'Ah!' said the old man, patting her on the check. 'Here she is. Here she is! She's never hard on poor old

As she took her seat upon a low chair by the old man's side, and put herself within the reach of his hand, she

looked up once at Tom. It was a sad look that she cast upon him, though there was a faint smile trembling on

her face. It was a speaking look, and Tom knew what it said. 'You see how misery has changed me. I can feel

'Aye, aye!' cried Chuffey in a soothing tone. 'Aye, aye, aye! Never mind him. It's hard to hear, but never mind

him. He'll die one day. There are three hundred and sixtyfive days in the yearthree hundred and sixtysix

'You're a wearing old soul, and that's the sacred truth,' said Mrs Gamp, contemplating him from a little

distance with anything but favour, as he continued to mutter to himself. 'It's a pity that you don't know wot

you say, for you'd tire your own patience out if you did, and fret yourself into a happy releage for all as

'Well, I'm sure!' said Mrs Gamp, 'you're asettlin' of it, Mr Chuffey. To your satigefaction, sir, I hope. But I

wouldn't lay a new pincushion on it myself, sir, though you ARE so well informed. Drat the old creetur, he's

alayin' down the law tolerable confident, too! A deal he knows of sons! or darters either! Suppose you was

The bitter and indignant sarcasm which Mrs Gamp conveyed into these taunts was altogether lost on the

unconscious Chuffey, who appeared to be as little cognizant of their delivery as of his having given Mrs

Gamp offence. But that highminded woman being sensitively alive to any invasion of her professional

province, and imagining that Mr Chuffey had given utterance to some prediction on the subject of sons,

which ought to have emanated in the first instance from herself as the only lawful authority, or which should

at least have been on no account proclaimed without her sanction and concurrence, was not so easily

appeased. She continued to sidle at Mr Chuffey with looks of sharp hostility, and to defy him with many

other ironical remarks, uttered in that low key which commonly denotes suppressed indignation; until the

entrance of the teaboard, and a request from Mrs Jonas that she would make tea at a sidetable for the party

that had unexpectedly assembled, restored her to herself. She smiled again, and entered on her ministration

'And quite a family it is to make tea for,' said Mrs Gamp; 'and wot a happiness to do it! My good young

'ooman'to the servantgirl 'p'raps somebody would like to try a newlaid egg or two, not biled too hard.

Likeways, a few rounds o' buttered toast, first cuttin' off the crust, in consequence of tender teeth, and not too

many of 'em; which Gamp himself, Mrs Chuzzlewit, at one blow, being in liquor, struck out four, two single,

and two double, as was took by Mrs Harris for a keepsake, and is carried in her pocket at this present hour,

along with two crampbones, a bit o' ginger, and a grater like a blessed infant's shoe, in tin, with a little heel

to put the nutmeg in; as many times I've seen and said, and used for candle when required, within the month.'

As the privileges of the sidetablebesides including the small prerogatives of sitting next the toast, and

taking two cups of tea to other people's one, and always taking them at a crisis, that is to say, before putting

fresh water into the teapot, and after it had been standing for some timealso comprehended a full view of

the company, and an opportunity of addressing them as from a rostrum, Mrs Gamp discharged the functions

entrusted to her with extreme goodhumour and affability. Sometimes resting her saucer on the palm of her

outspread hand, and supporting her elbow on the table, she stopped between her sips of tea to favour the

circle with a smile, a wink, a roll of the head, or some other mark of notice; and at those periods her

countenance was lighted up with a degree of intelligence and vivacity, which it was almost impossible to

But for Mrs Gamp, it would have been a curiously silent party. Miss Pecksniff only spoke to her Augustus,

and to him in whispers. Augustus spoke to nobody, but sighed for every one, and occasionally gave himself

such a sounding slap upon the forehead as would make Mrs Todgers, who was rather nervous, start in her

chair with an involuntary exclamation. Mrs Todgers was occupied in knitting, and seldom spoke. Poor Merry

held the hand of cheerful little Ruth between her own, and listening with evident pleasure to all she said, but

rarely speaking herself, sometimes smiled, and sometimes kissed her on the cheek, and sometimes turned

aside to hide the tears that trembled in her eyes. Tom felt this change in her so much, and was so glad to see

how tenderly Ruth dealt with her, and how she knew and answered to it, that he had not the heart to make any

movement towards their departure, although he had long since given utterance to all he came to say.

The old clerk, subsiding into his usual state, remained profoundly silent, while the rest of the little assembly

were thus occupied, intent upon the dreams, whatever they might be, which hardly seemed to stir the surface

of his sluggish thoughts. The bent of these dull fancies combining probably with the silent feasting that was

going on about him, and some struggling recollection of the last approach to revelry he had witnessed,

suggested a strange question to his mind. He looked round upon a sudden, and said:

'All here!' cried the old man. 'All here! Where is he thenmy old master, Mr Chuzzlewit, who had the only

'Hush! Hush!' said Merry, speaking kindly to him. 'That happened long ago. Don't you recollect?'

'Recollect!' rejoined the old man, with a cry of grief. 'As if I could forget! As if I ever could forget!'

He put his hand up to his face for a moment; and then repeated turning round exactly as before:

At first he gazed angrily upon her, as upon a stranger who endeavoured to deceive him; but peering into her

face, and seeing that it was indeed she, he shook his head in sorrowful compassion.

'You think not. But they don't tell you. No, no, poor thing! They don't tell you. Who are these, and why are

She made a sign to them not to speak to him, which indeed they had little inclination to do; and remained

silent herself. So did he for a short time; but then he repeated the same question with an eagerness that had a

'There's some one dead,' he said, 'or dying; and I want to knows who it is. Go see, go see! Where's Jonas?'

The old man gazed at her as if he doubted what she said, or had not heard her; and, rising from his chair,

walked across the room and upstairs, whispering as he went, 'Foul play!' They heard his footsteps overhead,

going up into that corner of the room in which the bed stood (it was there old Anthony had died); and then

they heard him coming down again immediately. His fancy was not so strong or wild that it pictured to him

anything in the deserted bedchamber which was not there; for he returned much calmer, and appeared to have

'They don't tell you,' he said to Merry in his quavering voice, as he sat down again, and patted her upon the

head. 'They don't tell me either; but I'll watch, I'll watch. They shall not hurt you; don't be frightened. When

you have sat up watching, I have sat up watching too. Aye, aye, I have!' he piped out, clenching his weak,

He said this with such trembling gaps and pauses in his want of breath, and said it in his jealous secrecy so

closely in her ear, that little or nothing of it was understood by the visitors. But they had heard and seen

enough of the old man to be disquieted, and to have left their seats and gathered about him; thereby affording

Mrs Gamp, whose professional coolness was not so easily disturbed, an eligible opportunity for concentrating

the whole resources of her powerful mind and appetite upon the toast and butter, tea and eggs. She had

brought them to bear upon those viands with such vigour that her face was in the highest state of

inflammation, when she now (there being nothing left to eat or drink) saw fit to interpose.

'Why, highty tighty, sir!' cried Mrs Gamp, 'is these your manners? You want a pitcher of cold water throw'd

over you to bring you round; that's my belief, and if you was under Betsey Prig you'd have it, too, I do assure

you, Mr Chuffey. Spanish Flies is the only thing to draw this nonsense out of you; and if anybody wanted to

do you a kindness, they'd clap a blister of 'em on your head, and put a mustard poultige on your back. 'Who's

'Oh, bother the old wictim, Mrs Chuzzlewit,' replied that zealous lady, 'I ain't no patience with him. You give

No doubt with the view of carrying out the precepts she enforced, and 'bothering the old wictim' in practice as

well as in theory, Mrs Gamp took him by the collar of his coat, and gave him some dozen or two of hearty

shakes backward and forward in his chair; that exercise being considered by the disciples of the Prig school

of nursing (who are very numerous among professional ladies) as exceedingly conducive to repose, and

highly beneficial to the performance of the nervous functions. Its effect in this instance was to render the

patient so giddy and addleheaded, that he could say nothing more; which Mrs Gamp regarded as the triumph

'There!' she said, loosening the old man's cravat, in consequence of his being rather black in the face, after

this scientific treatment. 'Now, I hope, you're easy in your mind. If you should turn at all faint we can soon

rewive you, sir, I promige you. Bite a person's thumbs, or turn their fingers the wrong way,' said Mrs Gamp,

smiling with the consciousness of at once imparting pleasure and instruction to her auditors, 'and they comes

As this excellent woman had been formerly entrusted with the care of Mr Chuffey on a previous occasion,

neither Mrs Jonas nor anybody else had the resolution to interfere directly with her mode of treatment; though

all present (Tom Pinch and his sister especially) appeared to be disposed to differ from her views. For such is

the rash boldness of the uninitiated, that they will frequently set up some monstrous abstract principle, such

as humanity, or tenderness, or the like idle folly, in obstinate defiance of all precedent and usage; and will

even venture to maintain the same against the persons who have made the precedents and established the

usage, and who must therefore be the best and most impartial judges of the subject.

'Ah, Mr Pinch!' said Miss Pecksniff. 'It all comes of this unfortunate marriage. If my sister had not been so

precipitate, and had not united herself to a Wretch, there would have been no Mr Chuffey in the house.'

'I should be very sorry if she did hear me, Mr Pinch,' said Cherry, raising her voice a little; 'for it is not in my

nature to add to the uneasiness of any person; far less of my own sister. I know what a sister's duties are, Mr

Pinch, and I hope I always showed it in my practice. Augustus, my dear child, find my pocket handkerchief,

Augustus obeyed, and took Mrs Todgers aside to pour his griefs into her friendly bosom.

'I am sure, Mr Pinch,' said Charity, looking after her betrothed and glancing at her sister, 'that I ought to be

very grateful for the blessings I enjoy, and those which are yet in store for me. When I contrast

Augustus'here she was modest and embarrased'who, I don't mind saying to you, is all softness,

mildness, and devotion, with the detestable man who is my sister's husband; and when I think, Mr Pinch, that

in the dispensations of this world, our cases might have been reversed; I have much to be thankful for,

Contented she might have been, but humble she assuredly was not. Her face and manner experienced

something so widely different from humility, that Tom could not help understanding and despising the base

motives that were working in her breast. He turned away, and said to Ruth, that it was time for them to go.

'I will write to your husband,' said Tom to Merry, 'and explain to him, as I would have done if I had met him

here, that if he has sustained any inconvenience through my means, it is not my fault; a postman not being

She parted tenderly from Ruth, who with her brother was in the act of leaving the room, when a key was

heard in the lock of the door below, and immediately afterwards a quick footstep in the passage. Tom

'I had better not meet him on the stairs, perhaps,' said Tom, drawing his sister's arm through his, and coming

He had scarcely said it when the door opened, and Jonas entered. His wife came forward to receive him; but

As he looked, at the same time, either by accident or design, towards Miss Pecksniff; and as Miss Pecksniff

'Oh dear!' she said, rising. 'Pray don't let us intrude upon your domestic happiness! That would be a pity. We

have taken tea here, sir, in your absence; but if you will have the goodness to send us a note of the expense,

receipted, we shall be happy to pay it. Augustus, my love, we will go, if you please. Mrs Todgers, unless you

wish to remain here, we shall be happy to take you with us. It would be a pity, indeed, to spoil the bliss which

'Charity! Charity!' remonstrated her sister, in such a heartfelt tone that she might have been imploring her to

'Merry, my dear, I am much obliged to you for your advice,' returned Miss Pecksniff, with a stately

'No, nor wouldn't have been if you could,' interrupted Jonas. 'We know all about it.'

'Didn't you hear?' retorted Jonas, lounging down upon a chair. 'I am not agoing to say it again. If you like to

stay, you may stay. If you like to go, you may go. But if you stay, please to be civil.'

'Beast!' cried Miss Pecksniff, sweeping past him. 'Augustus! He is beneath your notice!' Augustus had been

making some faint and sickly demonstration of shaking his fist. 'Come away, child,' screamed Miss Pecksniff,

The scream was elicited from her by Augustus manifesting an intention to return and grapple with him. But

Miss Pecksniff giving the fiery youth a pull, and Mrs Todgers giving him a push they all three tumbled out of

All this time Jonas had seen nothing of Tom and his sister; for they were almost behind the door when he

opened it, and he had sat down with his back towards them, and had purposely kept his eyes upon the

opposite side of the street during his altercation with Miss Pecksniff, in order that his seeming carelessness

might increase the exasperation of that wronged young damsel. His wife now faltered out that Tom had been

The instant he presented himself, Jonas got up from his chair, and swearing a great oath, caught it in his

grasp, as if he would have felled Tom to the ground with it. As he most unquestionably would have done, but

that his very passion and surprise made him irresolute, and gave Tom, in his calmness, an opportunity of

'You have no cause to be violent, sir,' said Tom. 'Though what I wish to say relates to your own affairs, I

Jonas was too enraged to speak. He held the door open; and stamping his foot upon the ground, motioned

'As you cannot suppose,' said Tom, 'that I am here with any view of conciliating you or pleasing myself, I am

quite indifferent to your reception of me, or your dismissal of me. Hear what I have to say, if you are not a

'You Thief, you did!' retorted Jonas. 'I'll pay you for the carriage of it one day, and settle an old score besides.

'Tut, tut,' said Tom, 'you needn't waste words or threats. I wish you to understandplainly because I would

rather keep clear of you and everything that concerns you: not because I have the least apprehension of your

doing me any injury: which would be weak indeedthat I am no party to the contents of that letter. That I

know nothing of it. That I was not even aware that it was to be delivered to you; and that I had it from'

'By the Lord!' cried Jonas, fiercely catching up the chair, 'I'll knock your brains out, if you speak another

Tom, nevertheless, persisting in his intention, and opening his lips to speak again, Jonas set upon him like a

savage; and in the quickness and ferocity of his attack would have surely done him some grievous injury,

defenceless as he was, and embarrassed by having his frightened sister clinging to his arm, if Merry had not

run between them, crying to Tom for the love of Heaven to leave the house. The agony of this poor creature,

the terror of his sister, the impossibility of making himself audible, and the equal impossibility of bearing up

against Mrs Gamp, who threw herself upon him like a featherbed, and forced him backwards down the

stairs by the mere oppression of her dead weight, prevailed. Tom shook the dust of that house off his feet,

If the name could have passed his lips; if Jonas, in the insolence of his vile nature, had never roused him to do

that old act of manliness, for which (and not for his last offence) he hated him with such malignity; if Jonas

could have learned, as then he could and would have learned, through Tom's means, what unsuspected spy

there was upon him; he would have been saved from the commission of a Guilty Deed, then drawing on

towards its black accomplishment. But the fatality was of his own working; the pit was of his own digging;

His wife had closed the door, and thrown herself before it, on the ground, upon her knees. She held up her

hands to him now, and besought him not to be harsh with her, for she had interposed in fear of bloodshed.

'So, so!' said Jonas, looking down upon her, as he fetched his breath. 'These are your friends, are they, when I

'No, indeed! I have no knowledge of these secrets, and no clue to their meaning. I have never seen him since I

'Oh!' sneered Jonas, catching at this correction. 'But once, but twice, eh? Which do you mean? Twice and

As he made an angry motion with his hand, she shrunk down hastily. A suggestive action! Full of a cruel

He was about to retort upon her, when the clock struck. He started stopped, and listened; appearing to revert

to some engagement, or to some other subject, a secret within his own breast, recalled to him by this record of

Having helped her to rise, or rather hauled her up by the arm, he went on to say:

'Listen to me, young lady; and don't whine when you have no occasion, or I may make some for you. If I find

him in my house again, or find that you have seen him in anybody else's house, you'll repent it. If you are not

deaf and dumb to everything that concerns me, unless you have my leave to hear and speak, you'll repent it. If

you don't obey exactly what I order, you'll repent it. Now, attend. What's the time?'

He looked towards her intently; and said, with a laboured distinctness, as if he had got the words off by heart:

'I have been travelling day and night, and am tired. I have lost some money, and that don't improve me. Put

my supper in the little offroom below, and have the trucklebed made. I shall sleep there tonight, and

maybe tomorrow night; and if I can sleep all day to morrow, so much the better, for I've got trouble to

sleep off, if I can. Keep the house quiet, and don't call me. Mind! Don't call me. Don't let anybody call me.

'All what? You must be prying and questioning!' he angrily retorted. 'What more do you want to know?'

'I want to know nothing, Jonas, but what you tell me. All hope of confidence between us has long deserted

'But if you will tell me what you wish, I will be obedient and will try to please you. I make no merit of that,

for I have no friend in my father or my sister, but am quite alone. I am very humble and submissive. You told

She ventured, as she said these words, to lay her hand upon his shoulder. He suffered it to rest there, in his

exultation; and the whole mean, abject, sordid, pitiful soul of the man, looked at her, for the moment, through

For the moment only; for, with the same hurried return to something within himself, he bade her, in a surly

tone, show her obedience by executing his commands without delay. When she had withdrawn he paced up

and down the room several times; but always with his right hand clenched, as if it held something; which it

did not, being empty. When he was tired of this, he threw himself into a chair, and thoughtfully turned up the

sleeve of his right arm, as if he were rather musing about its strength than examining it; but, even then, he

He was brooding in this chair, with his eyes cast down upon the ground, when Mrs Gamp came in to tell him

that the little room was ready. Not being quite sure of her reception after interfering in the quarrel, Mrs

Gamp, as a means of interesting and propitiating her patron, affected a deep solicitude in Mr Chuffey.

'To be sure!' returned the matron with a smile and a curtsey. 'What am I thinking of! You wasn't here, sir,

when he was took so strange. I never see a poor dear creetur took so strange in all my life, except a patient

much about the same age, as I once nussed, which his calling was the custom'us, and his name was Mrs

Harris's own father, as pleasant a singer, Mr Chuzzlewit, as ever you heerd, with a voice like a Jew'sharp in

'Chuffey, eh?' said Jonas carelessly, seeing that she went up to the old, clerk, and looked at him. 'Ha!'

'The creetur's head's so hot,' said Mrs Gamp, 'that you might heat a flatiron at it. And no wonder I am sure,

Mrs Gamp laid her hand upon her heart, to put some check upon its palpitations, and turning up her eyes

'The awfulest things, Mr Chuzzlewit, as ever I heerd! Which Mrs Harris's father never spoke a word when

took so, some does and some don't, except sayin' when he come round, "Where is Sairey Gamp?" But raly,

'Who's lying dead upstairs; sech was his Bible language; and where was Mr Chuzzlewit as had the only son;

and when he goes upstairs a looking in the beds and wandering about the rooms, and comes down again

awhisperin' softly to hisself about foul play and that; it gives me sech a turn, I don't deny it, Mr

Chuzzlewit, that I never could have kep myself up but for a little drain o' spirits, which I seldom touches, but

could always wish to know where to find, if so dispoged, never knowin' wot may happen next, the world bein'

'That's my opinion, sir,' said Mrs Gamp, 'and I will not deceive you. I believe as Mr Chuffey, sir, rekwires

attention (if I may make so bold), and should not have his liberty to wex and worrit your sweet lady as he

'Still he is worritin' sir,' said Mrs Gamp. 'No one don't mind him, but he IS a ill conwenience.'

'Ecod you're right,' said Jonas, looking doubtfully at the subject of this conversation. 'I have half a mind to

Mrs Gamp rubbed her hands, and smiled, and shook her head, and sniffed expressively, as scenting a job.

'Could youcould you take care of such an idiot, now, in some spare room upstairs?' asked Jonas.

'Me and a friend of mine, one off, one on, could do it, Mr Chuzzlewit,' replied the nurse; 'our charges not

bein' high, but wishin' they was lower, and allowance made considerin' not strangers. Me and Betsey Prig, sir,

would undertake Mr Chuffey reasonable,' said Mrs Gamp, looking at him with her head on one side, as if he

had been a piece of goods, for which she was driving a bargain; 'and give every satigefaction. Betsey Prig has

nussed a many lunacies, and well she knows their ways, which puttin' 'em right close afore the fire, when

While Mrs Gamp discoursed to this effect, Jonas was walking up and down the room again, glancing covertly

'I must look after him, I suppose, or I may have him doing some mischief. What say you?'

'Nothin' more likely!' Mrs Gamp replied. 'As well I have experienged, I do assure you, sir.'

'Well! Look after him for the present, andlet me seethree days from this time let the other woman come

here, and we'll see if we can make a bargain of it. About nine or ten o'clock at night, say. Keep your eye upon

'See to him, then; take care that he does no harm; and recollect what I have told you.'

Leaving Mrs Gamp in the act of repeating all she had been told, and of producing in support of her memory

and trustworthiness, many commendations selected from among the most remarkable opinions of the

celebrated Mrs Harris, he descended to the little room prepared for him, and pulling off his coat and his

boots, put them outside the door before he locked it. In locking it, he was careful so to adjust the key as to

baffle any curious person who might try to peep in through the keyhole; and when he had taken these

'Mr Chuff,' he muttered, 'it'll be pretty easy to be even with YOU. It's of no use doing things by halves, and as

long as I stop here, I'll take good care of you. When I'm off you may say what you please. But it's a dd

strange thing,' he added, pushing away his untouched plate, and striding moodily to and fro, 'that his

After pacing the little room from end to end several times, he sat down in another chair.

'I say just now, but for anything I know, he may have been carrying on the same game all along. Old dog! He

He paced the room again in the same restless and unsteady way; and then sat down upon the bedstead,

leaning his chin upon his hand, and looking at the table. When he had looked at it for a long time, he

remembered his supper; and resuming the chair he had first occupied, began to eat with great rapacity; not

like a hungry man, but as if he were determined to do it. He drank too, roundly; sometimes stopping in the

middle of a draught to walk, and change his seat and walk again, and dart back to the table and fall to, in a

It was now growing dark. As the gloom of evening, deepening into night, came on, another dark shade

emerging from within him seemed to overspread his face, and slowly change it. Slowly, slowly; darker and

darker; more and more haggard; creeping over him by little and little, until it was black night within him and

The room in which he had shut himself up, was on the ground floor, at the back of the house. It was lighted

by a dirty skylight, and had a door in the wall, opening into a narrow covered passage or blindalley, very

little frequented after five or six o'clock in the evening, and not in much use as a thoroughfare at any hour.

The ground on which this chamber stood had, at one time, not within his recollection, been a yard; and had

been converted to its present purpose for use as an office. But the occasion for it died with the man who built

it; and saving that it had sometimes served as an apology for a spare bedroom, and that the old clerk had once

held it (but that was years ago) as his recognized apartment, it had been little troubled by Anthony

Chuzzlewit and Son. It was a blotched, stained, mouldering room, like a vault; and there were waterpipes

running through it, which at unexpected times in the night, when other things were quiet, clicked and gurgled

The door into the court had not been open for a long, long time; but the key had always hung in one place,

and there it hung now. He was prepared for its being rusty; for he had a little bottle of oil in his pocket and

the feather of a pen, with which he lubricated the key and the lock too, carefully. All this while he had been

without his coat, and had nothing on his feet but his stockings. He now got softly into bed in the same state,

and tossed from side to side to tumble it. In his restless condition that was easily done.

When he arose, he took from his portmanteau, which he had caused to be carried into that place when he

came home, a pair of clumsy shoes, and put them on his feet; also a pair of leather leggings, such as

countrymen are used to wear, with straps to fasten them to the waistband. In these he dressed himself at

leisure. Lastly, he took out a common frock of coarse dark jean, which he drew over his own underclothing;

and a felt hathe had purposely left his own upstairs. He then sat himself down by the door, with the key in

He had no light; the time was dreary, long, and awful. The ringers were practicing in a neighbouring church,

and the clashing of the bells was almost maddening. Curse the clamouring bells, they seemed to know that he

was listening at the door, and to proclaim it in a crowd of voices to all the town! Would they never be still?

They ceased at last, and then the silence was so new and terrible that it seemed the prelude to some dreadful

noise. Footsteps in the court! Two men. He fell back from the door on tiptoe, as if they could have seen him

They passed on, talking (he could make out) about a skeleton which had been dug up yesterday, in some

work of excavation near at hand, and was supposed to be that of a murdered man. 'So murder is not always

He put the key into the lock, and turned it. The door resisted for a while, but soon came stiffly open; mingling

with the sense of fever in his mouth, a taste of rust, and dust, and earth, and rotting wood. He looked out;

Did no men passing through the dim streets shrink without knowing why, when he came stealing up behind

them? As he glided on, had no child in its sleep an indistinct perception of a guilty shadow falling on its bed,

that troubled its innocent rest? Did no dog howl, and strive to break its rattling chain, that it might tear him;

no burrowing rat, scenting the work he had in hand, essay to gnaw a passage after him, that it might hold a

greedy revel at the feast of his providing? When he looked back, across his shoulder, was it to see if his quick

footsteps still fell dry upon the dusty pavement, or were already moist and clogged with the red mire that

He shaped his course for the main western road, and soon reached it; riding a part of the way, then alighting

and walking on again. He travelled for a considerable distance upon the roof of a stage coach, which came

up while he was afoot; and when it turned out of his road, bribed the driver of a return postchaise to take

him on with him; and then made across the country at a run, and saved a mile or two before he struck again

into the road. At last, as his plan was, he came up with a certain lumbering, slow, nightcoach, which stopped

wherever it could, and was stopping then at a public house, while the guard and coachman ate and drank

He bargained for a seat outside this coach, and took it. And he quitted it no more until it was within a few

All night! It is a common fancy that nature seems to sleep by night. It is a false fancy, as who should know

The fishes slumbered in the cold, bright, glistening streams and rivers, perhaps; and the birds roosted on the

branches of the trees; and in their stalls and pastures beasts were quiet; and human creatures slept. But what

of that, when the solemn night was watching, when it never winked, when its darkness watched no less than

its light! The stately trees, the moon and shining stars, the softly stirring wind, the overshadowed lane, the

broad, bright countryside, they all kept watch. There was not a blade of growing grass or corn, but watched;

and the quieter it was, the more intent and fixed its watch upon him seemed to be.

And yet he slept. Riding on among those sentinels of God, he slept, and did not change the purpose of his

journey. If he forgot it in his troubled dreams, it came up steadily, and woke him. But it never woke him to

He dreamed at one time that he was lying calmly in his bed, thinking of a moonlight night and the noise of

wheels, when the old clerk put his head in at the door, and beckoned him. At this signal he arose

immediatelybeing already dressed in the clothes he actually wore at that timeand accompanied him into

a strange city, where the names of the streets were written on the walls in characters quite new to him; which

gave him no surprise or uneasiness, for he remembered in his dream to have been there before. Although

these streets were very precipitous, insomuch that to get from one to another it was necessary to descend

great heights by ladders that were too short, and ropes that moved deep bells, and swung and swayed as they

were clung to, the danger gave him little emotion beyond the first thrill of terror; his anxieties being

concentrated on his dress which was quite unfitted for some festival that was about to be holden there, and in

which he had come to take a part. Already, great crowds began to fill the streets, and in one direction myriads

of people came rushing down an interminable perspective, strewing flowers and making way for others on

white horses, when a terrible figure started from the throng, and cried out that it was the Last Day for all the

world. The cry being spread, there was a wild hurrying on to Judgment; and the press became so great that he

and his companion (who was constantly changing, and was never the same man two minutes together, though

he never saw one man come or another go), stood aside in a porch, fearfully surveying the multitude; in

which there were many faces that he knew, and many that he did not know, but dreamed he did; when all at

once a struggling head rose up among the restlivid and deadly, but the same as he had known itand

denounced him as having appointed that direful day to happen. They closed together. As he strove to free the

hand in which he held a club, and strike the blow he had so often thought of, he started to the knowledge of

The sun was welcome to him. There were life and motion, and a world astir, to divide the attention of Day. It

was the eye of Nightof wakeful, watchful, silent, and attentive Night, with so much leisure for the

observation of his wicked thoughtsthat he dreaded most. There is no glare in the night. Even Glory shows

to small advantage in the night, upon a crowded battlefield. How then shows Glory's bloodrelation, bastard

Aye! He made no compromise, and held no secret with himself now. Murder. He had come to do it.

'You got up to please yourself, and may get down to please yourself. It won't break our hearts to lose you, and

it wouldn't have broken 'em if we'd never found you. Be a little quicker. That's all.'

The guard had alighted, and was waiting in the road to take his money. In the jealousy and distrust of what he

'Not at a handsome man,' returned the guard. 'If you want your fortune told, I'll tell you a bit of it. You won't

Before he could retort or turn away, the coachman put an end to the dialogue by giving him a cut with his

whip, and biddig him get out for a surly dog. The guard jumped up to his seat at the same moment, and they

drove off, laughing; leaving him to stand in the road and shake his fist at them. He was not displeased though,

on second thoughts, to have been taken for an illconditioned common country fellow; but rather

Wandering into a copse by the roadsidebut not in that place; two or three miles offhe tore out from a

fence a thick, hard, knotted stake; and, sitting down beneath a hayrick, spent some time in shaping it, in

At that serene and peaceful time two men, riding in a gig, came out of the city by a road not much frequented.

It was the day on which Mr Pecksniff had agreed to dine with Montague. He had kept his appointment, and

was now going home. His host was riding with him for a short distance; meaning to return by a pleasant

track, which Mr Pecksniff had engaged to show him, through some fields. Jonas knew their plans. He had

hung about the innyard while they were at dinner and had heard their orders given.

They were loud and merry in their conversation, and might have been heard at some distance; far above the

sound of their carriage wheels or horses' hoofs. They came on noisily, to where a stile and footpath indicated

'It's too soon. Much too soon,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'But this is the place, my dear sir. Keep the path, and go

straight through the little wood you'll come to. The path is narrower there, but you can't miss it. When shall I

So long as Mr Pecksniff was in sight, and turned his head at intervals to salute him, Montague stood in the

road smiling, and waving his hand. But when his new partner had disappeared, and this show was no longer

necessary, he sat down on the stile with looks so altered, that he might have grown ten years older in the

He was flushed with wine, but not gay. His scheme had succeeded, but he showed no triumph. The effort of

sustaining his difficult part before his late companion had fatigued him, perhaps, or it may be that the evening

whispered to his conscience, or it may be (as it HAS been) that a shadowy veil was dropping round him,

closing out all thoughts but the presentiment and vague foreknowledge of impending doom.

If there be fluids, as we know there are, which, conscious of a coming wind, or rain, or frost, will shrink and

strive to hide themselves in their glass arteries; may not that subtle liquor of the blood perceive, by properties

within itself, that hands are raised to waste and spill it; and in the veins of men run cold and dull as his did, in

So cold, although the air was warm; so dull, although the sky was bright; that he rose up shivering from his

seat, and hastily resumed his walk. He checked himself as hastily; undecided whether to pursue the footpath,

The glory of the departing sun was on his face. The music of the birds was in his ears. Sweet wild flowers

bloomed about him. Thatched roofs of poor men's homes were in the distance; and an old grey spire,

He had never read the lesson which these things conveyed; he had ever mocked and turned away from it; but,

before going down into a hollow place, he looked round, once, upon the evening prospect, sorrowfully. Then

It brought him to the wood; a close, thick, shadowy wood, through which the path went winding on,

dwindling away into a slender sheep track. He paused before entering; for the stillness of this spot almost

The last rays of the sun were shining in, aslant, making a path of golden light along the stems and branches in

its range, which, even as he looked, began to die away, yielding gently to the twilight that came creeping on.

It was so very quiet that the soft and stealthy moss about the trunks of some old trees, seemed to have grown

out of the silence, and to be its proper offspring. Those other trees which were subdued by blasts of wind in

winter time, had not quite tumbled down, but being caught by others, lay all bare and scathed across their

leafy arms, as if unwilling to disturb the general repose by the crash of their fall. Vistas of silence opened

everywhere, into the heart and innermost recesses of the wood; beginning with the likeness of an aisle, a

cloister, or a ruin open to the sky; then tangling off into a deep green rustling mystery, through which gnarled

trunks, and twisted boughs, and ivycovered stems, and trembling leaves, and barkstripped bodies of old

As the sunlight died away, and evening fell upon the wood, he entered it. Moving, here and there a bramble

or a drooping bough which stretched across his path, he slowly disappeared. At intervals a narrow opening

showed him passing on, or the sharp cracking of some tender branch denoted where he went; then, he was

Never more beheld by mortal eye or heard by mortal ear; one man excepted. That man, parting the leaves and

branches on the other side, near where the path emerged again, came leaping out soon afterwards.

What had he left within the wood, that he sprang out of it as if it were a hell!

The body of a murdered man. In one thick solitary spot, it lay among the last year's leaves of oak and beech,

just as it had fallen headlong down. Sopping and soaking in among the leaves that formed its pillow; oozing

down into the boggy ground, as if to cover itself from human sight; forcing its way between and through the

curling leaves, as if those senseless things rejected and forswore it and were coiled up in abhorrence; went a

The doer of this deed came leaping from the wood so fiercely, that he cast into the air a shower of fragments

of young boughs, torn away in his passage, and fell with violence upon the grass. But he quickly gained his

feet again, and keeping underneath a hedge with his body bent, went running on towards the road. The road

And he was not sorry for what he had done. He was frightened when he thought of itwhen did he not think

of it!but he was not sorry. He had had a terror and dread of the wood when he was in it; but being out of it,

and having committed the crime, his fears were now diverted, strangely, to the dark room he had left shut up

at home. He had a greater horror, infinitely greater, of that room than of the wood. Now that he was on his

return to it, it seemed beyond comparison more dismal and more dreadful than the wood. His hideous secret

was shut up in the room, and all its terrors were there; to his thinking it was not in the wood at all.

He walked on for ten miles; and then stopped at an alehouse for a coach, which he knew would pass

through, on its way to London, before long; and which he also knew was not the coach he had travelled down

by, for it came from another place. He sat down outside the door here, on a bench, beside a man who was

smoking his pipe. Having called for some beer, and drunk, he offered it to this companion, who thanked him,

and took a draught. He could not help thinking that, if the man had known all, he might scarcely have relished

'Asleep! Aye, aye.' The man appeared surprised by his unexpected irritability, and saying no more, smoked

his pipe in silence. They had not sat very long, when there was a knocking within.

He made no further inquiry, for the last question had escaped him in spite of himself. But he was thinking, at

the moment, of the closedup room; of the possibility of their knocking at the door on some special occasion;

of their being alarmed at receiving no answer; of their bursting it open; of their finding the room empty; of

their fastening the door into the court, and rendering it impossible for him to get into the house without

showing himself in the garb he wore, which would lead to rumour, rumour to detection, detection to death. At

that instant, as if by some design and order of circumstances, the knocking had come.

It still continued; like a warning echo of the dread reality he had conjured up. As he could not sit and hear it,

he paid for his beer and walked on again. And having slunk about, in places unknown to him all day; and

being out at night, in a lonely road, in an unusual dress and in that wandering and unsettled frame of mind; he

Still he was not sorry. No. He had hated the man too much, and had been bent, too desperately and too long,

on setting himself free. If the thing could have come over again, he would have done it again. His malignant

and revengeful passions were not so easily laid. There was no more penitence or remorse within him now

Dread and fear were upon him, to an extent he had never counted on, and could not manage in the least

degree. He was so horribly afraid of that infernal room at home. This made him, in a gloomy murderous, mad

way, not only fearful FOR himself, but OF himself; for being, as it were, a part of the room: a something

supposed to be there, yet missing from it: he invested himself with its mysterious terrors; and when he

pictured in his mind the ugly chamber, false and quiet, false and quiet, through the dark hours of two nights;

and the tumbled bed, and he not in it, though believed to be; he became in a manner his own ghost and

When the coach came up, which it soon did, he got a place outside and was carried briskly onward towards

home. Now, in taking his seat among the people behind, who were chiefly country people, he conceived a

fear that they knew of the murder, and would tell him that the body had been found; which, considering the

time and place of the commission of the crime, were events almost impossible to have happened yet, as he

very well knew. But although he did know it, and had therefore no reason to regard their ignorance as

anything but the natural sequence to the facts, still this very ignorance of theirs encouraged him. So far

encouraged him, that he began to believe the body never would be found, and began to speculate on that

probability. Setting off from this point, and measuring time by the rapid hurry of his guilty thoughts, and

what had gone before the bloodshed, and the troops of incoherent and disordered images of which he was the

constant prey; he came by daylight to regard the murder as an old murder, and to think himself comparatively

safe because it had not been discovered yet. Yet! When the sun which looked into the wood, and gilded with

its rising light a dead man's lace, had seen that man alive, and sought to win him to a thought of Heaven, on

It was but five o'clock. He had time enough to reach his own house unobserved, and before there were many

people in the streets, if nothing had happened so far, tending to his discovery. He slipped down from the

coach without troubling the driver to stop his horses; and hurrying across the road, and in and out of every

byway that lay near his course, at length approached his own dwelling. He used additional caution in his

immediate neighbourhood; halting first to look all down the street before him; then gliding swiftly through

The passageway was empty when his murderer's face looked into it. He stole on, to the door on tiptoe, as if

He listened. Not a sound. As he turned the key with a trembling hand, and pushed the door softly open with

He went in, locked the door, drew the key through and through the dust and damp in the fireplace to sully it

again, and hung it up as of old. He took off his disguise, tied it up in a bundle ready for carrying away and

sinking in the river before night, and locked it up in a cupboard. These precautions taken, he undressed and

The raging thirst, the fire that burnt within him as he lay beneath the clothes, the augmented horror of the

room when they shut it out from his view; the agony of listening, in which he paid enforced regard to every

sound, and thought the most unlikely one the prelude to that knocking which should bring the news; the starts

with which he left his couch, and looking in the glass, imagined that his deed was broadly written in his face,

and lying down and burying himself once more beneath the blankets, heard his own heart beating Murder,

The morning advanced. There were footsteps in the house. He heard the blinds drawn up, and shutters

opened; and now and then a stealthy tread outside his own door. He tried to call out, more than once, but his

mouth was dry as if it had been filled with sand. At last he sat up in his bed, and cried:

'Diddid no one knock at my door yesterday?' he faltered. 'Something disturbed me; but unless you had

'No one,' she replied. That was well. He had waited, almost breathless, for her answer. It was a relief to him,

'Mr Nadgett wanted to see you,' she said, 'but I told him you were tired, and had requested not to be disturbed.

He said it was of little consequence, and went away. As I was opening my window to let in the cool air, I saw

him passing through the street this morning, very early; but he hasn't been again.'

Passing through the street that morning? Very early! Jonas trembled at the thought of having had a narrow

chance of seeing him himself; even him, who had no object but to avoid people, and sneak on unobserved,

He called to her to get his breakfast ready, and prepared to go upstairs; attiring himself in the clothes he had

taken off when he came into that room, which had been, ever since, outside the door. In his secret dread of

meeting the household for the first time, after what he had done, he lingered at the door on slight pretexts that

they might see him without looking in his face; and left it ajar while he dressed; and called out to have the

windows opened, and the pavement watered, that they might become accustomed to his voice. Even when he

had put off the time, by one means or other, so that he had seen or spoken to them all, he could not muster

courage for a long while to go in among them, but stood at his own door listening to the murmur of their

He could not stop there for ever, and so joined them. His last glance at the glass had seen a telltale face, but

that might have been because of his anxious looking in it. He dared not look at them to see if they observed

And whatsoever guard he kept upon himself, he could not help listening, and showing that he listened.

Whether he attended to their talk, or tried to think of other things, or talked himself, or held his peace, or

resolutely counted the dull tickings of a hoarse clock at his back, he always lapsed, as if a spell were on him,

into eager listening. For he knew it must come. And his present punishment, and torture and distraction, were,

Tom Pinch and Ruth were sitting at their early breakfast, with the window open, and a row of the freshest

little plants ranged before it on the inside by Ruth's own hands; and Ruth had fastened a sprig of geranium in

Tom's buttonhole, to make him very smart and summer like for the day (it was obliged to be fastened in, or

that dear old Tom was certain to lose it); and people were crying flowers up and down the street; and a

blundering bee, who had got himself in between the two sashes of the window, was bruising his head against

the glass, endeavouring to force himself out into the fine morning, and considering himself enchanted

because he couldn't do it; and the morning was as fine a morning as ever was seen; and the fragrant air was

kissing Ruth and rustling about Tom, as if it said, 'how are you, my dears; I came all this way on purpose to

salute you;' and it was one of those glad times when we form, or ought to form, the wish that every one on

earth were able to be happy, and catching glimpses of the summer of the heart, to feel the beauty of the

It was even a pleasanter breakfast than usual; and it was always a pleasant one. For little Ruth had now two

pupils to attend, each three times a week; and each two hours at a time; and besides this, she had painted

some screens and cardracks, and, unknown to Tom (was there ever anything so delightful!), had walked into

a certain shop which dealt in such articles, after often peeping through the window; and had taken courage to

ask the Mistress of that shop whether she would buy them. And the mistress had not only bought them, but

had ordered more, and that very morning Ruth had made confession of these facts to Tom, and had handed

him the money in a little purse she had worked expressly for the purpose. They had been in a flutter about

this, and perhaps had shed a happy tear or two for anything the history knows to the contrary; but it was all

over now; and a brighter face than Tom's, or a brighter face than Ruth's, the bright sun had not looked on

'My dear girl,' said Tom, coming so abruptly on the subject, that he interrupted himself in the act of cutting a

slice of bread, and left the knife sticking in the loaf, 'what a queer fellow our landlord is! I don't believe he

has been home once since he got me into that unsatisfactory scrape. I begin to think he will never come home

'Really,' said Tom, 'I hope it is only strange. I hope there may be nothing wrong in it. Sometimes I begin to be

doubtful of that. I must have an explanation with him,' said Tom, shaking his head as if this were a most

A short double knock at the door put Tom's menacing looks to flight, and awakened an expression of surprise

'No?' said Tom. 'It surely can't be my employer suddenly arrived in town; directed here by Mr Fips; and come

for the key of the office. It's somebody inquiring for me, I declare! Come in, if you please!'

But when the person came in, Tom Pinch, instead of saying, 'Did you wish to speak with me, sir?' or, 'My

name is Pinch, sir; what is your business, may I ask?' or addressing him in any such distant terms; cried out,

'Good gracious Heaven!' and seized him by both hands, with the liveliest manifestations of astonishment and

The visitor was not less moved than Tom himself, and they shook hands a great many times, without another

'Mark Tapley, too!' said Tom, running towards the door, and shaking hands with somebody else. 'My dear

Mark, come in. How are you, Mark? He don't look a day older than he used to do at the Dragon. How ARE

'Uncommonly jolly, sir, thank'ee,' returned Mr Tapley, all smiles and bows. 'I hope I see you well, sir.'

'Good gracious me!' cried Tom, patting him tenderly on the back. 'How delightful it is to hear his old voice

again! My dear Martin, sit down. My sister, Martin. Mr Chuzzlewit, my love. Mark Tapley from the Dragon,

Tom was in such a state of excitement that he couldn't keep himself still for a moment, but was constantly

running between Mark and Martin, shaking hands with them alternately, and presenting them over and over

'I remember the day we parted, Martin, as well as if it were yesterday,' said Tom. 'What a day it was! and

what a passion you were in! And don't you remember my overtaking you in the road that morning, Mark,

when I was going to Salisbury in the gig to fetch him, and you were looking out for a situation? And don't

you recollect the dinner we had at Salisbury, Martin, with John Westlock, eh! Good gracious me! Ruth, my

dear, Mr Chuzzlewit. Mark Tapley, my love, from the Dragon. More cups and saucers, if you please. Bless

And then Tom (as John Westlock had done on his arrival) ran off to the loaf to cut some bread and butter for

them; and before he had spread a single slice, remembered something else, and came running back again to

tell it; and then he shook hands with them again; and then he introduced his sister again; and then he did

everything he had done already all over again; and nothing Tom could do, and nothing Tom could say, was

Mr Tapley was the first to resume his composure. In a very short space of time he was discovered to have

somehow installed himself in office as waiter, or attendant upon the party; a fact which was first suggested to

them by his temporary absence in the kitchen, and speedy return with a kettle of boiling water, from which he

'Sit down, and take your breakfast, Mark,' said Tom. 'Make him sit down and take his breakfast, Martin.'

'Oh! I gave him up, long ago, as incorrigible,' Martin replied. 'He takes his own way, Tom. You would excuse

'She knows it, bless you!' said Tom. 'I have told her all about Mark Tapley. Have I not, Ruth?'

'Not all,' returned Martin, in a low voice. 'The best of Mark Tapley is only known to one man, Tom; and but

'Mark!' said Tom Pinch energetically; 'if you don't sit down this minute, I'll swear at you!'

'Well, sir,' returned Mr Tapley, 'sooner than you should do that, I'll comply. It's a considerable invasion of a

man's jollity to be made so partickler welcome, but a Werb is a word as signifies to be, to do, or to suffer

(which is all the grammar, and enough too, as ever I wos taught); and if there's a Werb alive, I'm it. For I'm

'Why, I was rather so, over the water, sir,' returned Mr Tapley; 'and not entirely without credit. But Human

Natur' is in a conspiracy again' me; I can't get on. I shall have to leave it in my will, sir, to be wrote upon my

tomb: "He was a man as might have come out strong if he could have got a chance. But it was denied him."'

Mr Tapley took this occasion of looking about him with a grin, and subsequently attacking the breakfast, with

an appetite not at all expressive of blighted hopes, or insurmountable despondency.

In the meanwhile, Martin drew his chair a little nearer to Tom and his sister, and related to them what had

passed at Mr Pecksniff's house; adding in few words a general summary of the distresses and disappointments

'For your faithful stewardship in the trust I left with you, Tom,' he said, 'and for all your goodness and

disinterestedness, I can never thank you enough. When I add Mary's thanks to mine'

Ah, Tom! The blood retreated from his cheeks, and came rushing back, so violently, that it was pain to feel it;

'When I add Mary's thanks to mine,' said Martin, 'I have made the only poor acknowledgment it is in our

power to offer; but if you knew how much we feel, Tom, you would set some store by it, I am sure.'

And if they had known how much Tom feltbut that no human creature ever knewthey would have set

Tom changed the topic of discourse. He was sorry he could not pursue it, as it gave Martin pleasure; but he

was unable, at that moment. No drop of envy or bitterness was in his soul; but he could not master the firm

'No longer to make your fortune, Tom,' said Martin, 'but to try to live. I tried that once in London, Tom; and

failed. If you will give me the benefit of your advice and friendly counsel, I may succeed better under your

guidance. I will do anything Tom, anything, to gain a livelihood by my own exertions. My hopes do not soar

Highhearted, noble Tom! Sorry to find the pride of his old companion humbled, and to hear him speaking in

this altered strain at once, at once, he drove from his breast the inability to contend with its deep emotions,

'Your hopes do not soar above that!' cried Tom. 'Yes they do. How can you talk so! They soar up to the time

when you will be happy with her, Martin. They soar up to the time when you will be able to claim her,

Martin. They soar up to the time when you will not be able to believe that you were ever cast down in spirit,

or poor in pocket, Martin. Advice, and friendly counsel! Why, of course. But you shall have better advice and

counsel (though you cannot have more friendly) than mine. You shall consult John Westlock. We'll go there

immediately. It is yet so early that I shall have time to take you to his chambers before I go to business; they

are in my way; and I can leave you there, to talk over your affairs with him. So come along. Come along. I

am a man of occupation now, you know,' said Tom, with his pleasantest smile; 'and have no time to lose.

Your hopes don't soar higher than that? I dare say they don't. I know you, pretty well. They'll be soaring out

'Aye! But I may be a little changed,' said Martin, 'since you knew me pretty well, Tom.'

'What nonsense!' exclaimed Tom. 'Why should you be changed? You talk as if you were an old man. I never

heard such a fellow! Come to John Westlock's, come. Come along, Mark Tapley. It's Mark's doing, I have no

'There's no credit to be got through being jolly with YOU, Mr Pinch, anyways,' said Mark, with his face all

wrinkled up with grins. 'A parish doctor might be jolly with you. There's nothing short of goin' to the United

States for a second trip, as would make it at all creditable to be jolly, arter seein' you again!'

Tom laughed, and taking leave of his sister, hurried Mark and Martin out into the street, and away to John

Westlock's by the nearest road; for his hour of business was very near at hand, and he prided himself on

John Westlock was at home, but, strange to say, was rather embarrassed to see them; and when Tom was

about to go into the room where he was breakfasting, said he had a stranger there. It appeared to be a

mysterious stranger, for John shut that door as he said it, and led them into the next room.

He was very much delighted, though, to see Mark Tapley; and received Martin with his own frank courtesy.

But Martin felt that he did not inspire John Westlock with any unusual interest; and twice or thrice observed

that he looked at Tom Pinch doubtfully; not to say compassionately. He thought, and blushed to think, that he

'I apprehend you are engaged,' said Martin, when Tom had announced the purport of their visit. 'If you will

'I AM engaged,' replied John, with some reluctance; 'but the matter on which I am engaged is one, to say the

'It relates to a member of your family, and is of a serious nature. If you will have the kindness to remain here,

it will be a satisfaction to me to have it privately communicated to you, in order that you may judge of its

'And in the meantime,' said Tom, 'I must really take myself off, without any further ceremony.'

'Is your business so very particular,' asked Martin, 'that you cannot remain with us for half an hour? I wish

It was Tom's turn to be embarrassed now; but he plainly said, after a little hesitation:

'Why, I am not at liberty to say what it is, Martin; though I hope soon to be in a condition to do so, and am

aware of no other reason to prevent my doing so now, than the request of my employer. It's an awkward

position to be placed in,' said Tom, with an uneasy sense of seeming to doubt his friend, 'as I feel every day;

John Westlock replied in the negative; and Martin, expressing himself perfectly satisfied, begged them not to

say another word; though he could not help wondering very much what curious office Tom held, and why he

was so secret, and embarrassed, and unlike himself, in reference to it. Nor could he help reverting to it, in his

own mind, several times after Tom went away, which he did as soon as this conversation was ended, taking

Mr Tapley with him, who, as he laughingly said, might accompany him as far as Fleet Street without injury.

'Well, sir,' said Mr Tapley. 'The fact is, that I have been athinking rather of the matrimonial line, sir.'

'The lady. Come! You know what I said,' replied Tom, laughing, 'as well as I do!'

Mr Tapley suppressed his own inclination to laugh; and with one of his most whimsicallytwisted looks,

'How is it possible?' said Tom. 'I don't know any of your flames, Mark. Except Mrs Lupin, indeed.'

Tom stopping in the street to look at him, Mr Tapley for a moment presented to his view an utterly stolid and

expressionless face; a perfect dead wall of countenance. But opening window after window in it with

astonishing rapidity, and lighting them all up as for a general illumination, he repeated:

'Why I thought such a connection wouldn't suit you, Mark, on any terms!' cried Tom.

'Well, sir! I used to think so myself, once,' said Mark. 'But I ain't so clear about it now. A dear, sweet creetur,

'A dear, sweet creature? To be sure she is,' cried Tom. 'But she always was a dear, sweet creature, was she

'Then why on earth didn't you marry her at first, Mark, instead of wandering abroad, and losing all this time,

'Why, sir,' retorted Mr Tapley, in a spirit of unbounded confidence, 'I'll tell you how it come about. You know

me, Mr Pinch, sir; there ain't a gentleman alive as knows me better. You're acquainted with my constitution,

and you're acquainted with my weakness. My constitution is, to be jolly; and my weakness is, to wish to find

a credit in it. Wery good, sir. In this state of mind, I gets a notion in my head that she looks on me with a eye

ofwith what you may call a favourable sort of a eye in fact,' said Mr Tapley, with modest hesitation.

'No doubt,' replied Tom. 'We knew that perfectly well when we spoke on this subject long ago; before you

Mr Tapley nodded assent. 'Well, sir! But bein' at that time full of hopeful wisions, I arrives at the conclusion

that no credit is to be got out of such a way of life as that, where everything agreeable would be ready to one's

hand. Lookin' on the bright side of human life in short, one of my hopeful wisions is, that there's a deal of

misery awaitin' for me; in the midst of which I may come out tolerable strong, and be jolly under

circumstances as reflects some credit. I goes into the world, sir, wery boyant, and I tries this. I goes aboard

ship first, and wery soon discovers (by the ease with which I'm jolly, mind you) as there's no credit to be got

THERE. I might have took warning by this, and gave it up; but I didn't. I gets to the United States; and then

I DO begin, I won't deny it, to feel some little credit in sustaining my spirits. What follows? Jest as I'm

'Swindles me,' retorted Mr Tapley with a beaming face. 'Turns his back on everything as made his service a

creditable one, and leaves me high and dry, without a leg to stand upon. In which state I returns home. Wery

good. Then all my hopeful wisions bein' crushed; and findin' that there ain't no credit for me nowhere; I

abandons myself to despair, and says, "Let me do that as has the least credit in it of all; marry a dear, sweet

creetur, as is wery fond of me; me bein', at the same time, wery fond of her; lead a happy life, and struggle no

'If your philosophy, Mark,' said Tom, who laughed heartily at this speech, 'be the oddest I ever heard of, it is

'Why, no, sir,' replied Mr Tapley; 'she hasn't gone so far as that yet. Which I attribute principally to my not

havin' asked her. But we was wery agreeable togethercomfortable, I may saythe night I come home. It's

'Well!' said Tom, stopping at the Temple Gate. 'I wish you joy, Mark, with all my heart. I shall see you again

'Goodbye, sir! Goodbye, Mr Pinch!' he added by way of soliloquy, as he stood looking after him.

'Although you ARE a damper to a honourable ambition. You little think it, but you was the first to dash my

hopes. Pecksniff would have built me up for life, but your sweet temper pulled me down. Goodbye, Mr

While these confidences were interchanged between Tom Pinch and Mark, Martin and John Westlock were

very differently engaged. They were no sooner left alone together than Martin said, with an effort he could

'Mr Westlock, we have met only once before, but you have known Tom a long while, and that seems to

render you familiar to me. I cannot talk freely with you on any subject unless I relieve my mind of what

oppresses it just now. I see with pain that you so far mistrust me that you think me likely to impose on Tom's

regardlessness of himself, or on his kind nature, or some of his good qualities.'

'I had no intention,' replied John, 'of conveying any such impression to you, and am exceedingly sorry to have

'You ask me so pointedly and directly,' returned the other, 'that I cannot deny the having accustomed myself

to regard you as one who, not in wantonness but in mere thoughtlessness of character, did not sufficiently

consider his nature and did not quite treat it as it deserves to be treated. It is much easier to slight than to

This was not said warmly, but was energetically spoken too; for there was no subject in the world (but one)

'I grew into the knowledge of Tom,' he pursued, 'as I grew towards manhood; and I have learned to love him

as something, infinitely better than myself. I did not think that you understood him when we met before. I did

not think that you greatly cared to understand him. The instances of this which I observed in you were, like

my opportunities for observation, very trivialand were very harmless, I dare say. But they were not

agreeable to me, and they forced themselves upon me; for I was not upon the watch for them, believe me.

You will say,' added John, with a smile, as he subsided into more of his accustomed manner, 'that I am not by

any means agreeable to you. I can only assure you, in reply, that I would not have originated this topic on any

'I originated it,' said Martin; 'and so far from having any complaint to make against you, highly esteem the

friendship you entertain for Tom, and the very many proofs you have given him of it. Why should I

endeavour to conceal from you'he coloured deeply though'that I neither understood him nor cared to

understand him when I was his companion; and that I am very truly sorry for it now!'

It was so sincerely said, at once so modestly and manfully, that John offered him his hand as if he had not

done so before; and Martin giving his in the same open spirit, all constraint between the young men vanished.

'Now pray,' said John, 'when I tire your patience very much in what I am going to say, recollect that it has an

With this preface, he related all the circumstances connected with his having presided over the illness and

slow recovery of the patient at the Bull; and tacked on to the skirts of that narrative Tom's own account of the

business on the wharf. Martin was not a little puzzled when he came to an end, for the two stories seemed to

have no connection with each other, and to leave him, as the phrase is, all abroad.

'If you will excuse me for one moment,' said John, rising, 'I will beg you almost immediately to come into the

Upon that, he left Martin to himself, in a state of considerable astonishment; and soon came back again to

fulfil his promise. Accompanying him into the next room, Martin found there a third person; no doubt the

He was a young man; with deep black hair and eyes. He was gaunt and pale; and evidently had not long

recovered from a severe illness. He stood as Martin entered, but sat again at John's desire. His eyes were cast

downward; and but for one glance at them both, half in humiliation and half in entreaty, he kept them so, and

'This person's name is Lewsome,' said John Westlock, 'whom I have mentioned to you as having been seized

with an illness at the inn near here, and undergone so much. He has had a very hard time of it, ever since he

As he did not move or speak, and John Westlock made a pause, Martin, not knowing what to say, said that he

'The short statement that I wish you to hear from his own lips, Mr Chuzzlewit,' John pursuedlooking

attentively at him, and not at Martin'he made to me for the first time yesterday, and repeated to me this

morning, without the least variation of any essential particular. I have already told you that he informed me

before he was removed from the Inn, that he had a secret to disclose to me which lay heavy on his mind. But,

fluctuating between sickness and health and between his desire to relieve himself of it, and his dread of

involving himself by revealing it, he has, until yesterday, avoided the disclosure. I never pressed him for it

(having no idea of its weight or import, or of my right to do so), until within a few days past; when,

understanding from him, on his own voluntary avowal, in a letter from the country, that it related to a person

whose name was Jonas Chuzzlewit; and thinking that it might throw some light on that little mystery which

made Tom anxious now and then; I urged the point upon him, and heard his statement, as you will now, from

his own lips. It is due to him to say, that in the apprehension of death, he committed it to writing sometime

since, and folded it in a sealed paper, addressed to me; which he could not resolve, however, to place of his

own act in my hands. He has the paper in his breast, I believe, at this moment.'

'It will be well to leave that in our charge, perhaps,' said John. 'But do not mind it now.'

As he said this, he held up his hand to bespeak Martin's attention. It was already fixed upon the man before

The young man, Lewsome, looked up in his face, and casting down his eyes again, replied:

Martin was about to interrupt him again, but John Westlock saying softly, 'Let him tell his story in his own

'I have been bred a surgeon, and for the last few years have served a general practitioner in the City, as his

assistant. While I was in his employment I became acquainted with Jonas Chuzzlewit. He is the principal in

'What do you mean?' demanded Martin, sternly. 'Do you know he is the son of the old man of whom you

He remained silent for some moments, when he resumed at the point where he had left off.

'I have reason to know it; for I have often heard him wish his old father dead, and complain of his being

wearisome to him, and a drag upon him. He was in the habit of doing so, at a place of meeting we hadthree

or four of usat night. There was no good in the place you may suppose, when you hear that he was the

'We met to drink and game; not for large sums, but for sums that were large to us. He generally won. Whether

or no, he lent money at interest to those who lost; and in this way, though I think we all secretly hated him, he

came to be the master of us. To propitiate him we made a jest of his father; it began with his debtors; I was

one; and we used to toast a quicker journey to the old man, and a swift inheritance to the young one.'

'One night he came there in a very bad humour. He had been greatly tried, he said, by the old man that day.

He and I were alone together; and he angrily told me, that the old man was in his second childhood; that he

was weak, imbecile, and drivelling; as unbearable to himself as he was to other people; and that it would be a

charity to put him out of the way. He swore that he had often thought of mixing something with the stuff he

took for his cough, which should help him to die easily. People were sometimes smothered who were bitten

by mad dogs, he said; and why not help these lingering old men out of their troubles too? He looked full at

He stopped once more, and was silent for so long an interval that John Westlock said 'Go on.' Martin had

never removed his eyes from his face, but was so absorbed in horror and astonishment that he could not

'It may have been a week after that, or it may have been less or morethe matter was in my mind all the

time, but I cannot recollect the time, as I should any other periodwhen he spoke to me again. We were

alone then, too; being there before the usual hour of assembling. There was no appointment between us; but I

think I went there to meet him, and I know he came there to meet me. He was there first. He was reading a

newspaper when I went in, and nodded to me without looking up, or leaving off reading. I sat down opposite

and close to him. He said, immediately, that he wanted me to get him some of two sorts of drugs. One that

was instantaneous in its effect; of which he wanted very little. One that was slow and not suspicious in

appearance; of which he wanted more. While he was speaking to me he still read the newspaper. He said

'I asked him what he wanted the drugs for? He said for no harm; to physic cats; what did it matter to me? I

was going out to a distant colony (I had recently got the appointment, which, as Mr Westlock knows, I have

since lost by my sickness, and which was my only hope of salvation from ruin), and what did it matter to me?

He could get them without my aid at half a hundred places, but not so easily as he could get them of me. This

was true. He might not want them at all, he said, and he had no present idea of using them; but he wished to

have them by him. All this time he still read the newspaper. We talked about the price. He was to forgive me

a small debtI was quite in his powerand to pay me five pounds; and there the matter dropped, through

others coming in. But, next night, under exactly similar circumstances, I gave him the drugs, on his saying I

was a fool to think that he should ever use them for any harm; and he gave me the money. We have never met

since. I only know that the poor old father died soon afterwards, just as he would have died from this cause;

and that I have undergone, and suffer now, intolerable misery. Nothing' he added, stretching out his hands,

With that he hung his head, and said no more, wasted and wretched, he was not a creature upon whom to

'Let him remain at hand,' said Martin, turning from him; 'but out of sight, in Heaven's name!'

'He will remain here,' John whispered. 'Come with me!' Softly turning the key upon him as they went out, he

Martin was so amazed, so shocked, and confounded by what he had heard that it was some time before he

could reduce it to any order in his mind, or could sufficiently comprehend the bearing of one part upon

another, to take in all the details at one view. When he, at length, had the whole narrative clearly before him,

John Westlock went on to point out the great probability of the guilt of Jonas being known to other people,

who traded in it for their own benefit, and who were, by such means, able to exert that control over him

which Tom Pinch had accidentally witnessed, and unconsciously assisted. This appeared so plain, that they

agreed upon it without difficulty; but instead of deriving the least assistance from this source, they found that

They knew nothing of the real parties who possessed this power. The only person before them was Tom's

landlord. They had no right to question Tom's landlord, even if they could find him, which, according to

Tom's account, it would not be easy to do. And granting that they did question him, and he answered (which

was taking a good deal for granted), he had only to say, with reference to the adventure on the wharf, that he

had been sent from such and such a place to summon Jonas back on urgent business, and there was an end of

Besides, there was the great difficulty and responsibility of moving at all in the matter. Lewsome's story

might be false; in his wretched state it might be greatly heightened by a diseased brain; or admitting it to be

entirely true, the old man might have died a natural death. Mr Pecksniff had been there at the time; as Tom

immediately remembered, when he came back in the afternoon, and shared their counsels; and there had been

no secrecy about it. Martin's grandfather was of right the person to decide upon the course that should be

taken; but to get at his views would be impossible, for Mr Pecksniff's views were certain to be his. And the

nature of Mr Pecksniff's views in reference to his own soninlaw might be easily reckoned upon.

Apart from these considerations, Martin could not endure the thought of seeming to grasp at this unnatural

charge against his relative, and using it as a steppingstone to his grandfather's favour. But that he would

seem to do so, if he presented himself before his grandfather in Mr Pecksniff's house again, for the purpose of

declaring it; and that Mr Pecksniff, of all men, would represent his conduct in that despicable light, he

perfectly well knew. On the other hand to be in possession of such a statement, and take no measures of

further inquiry in reference to it, was tantamount to being a partner in the guilt it professed to disclose.

In a word, they were wholly unable to discover any outlet from this maze of difficulty, which did not lie

through some perplexed and entangled thicket. And although Mr Tapley was promptly taken into their

confidence; and the fertile imagination of that gentleman suggested many bold expedients, which, to do him

justice, he was quite ready to carry into instant operation on his own personal responsibility; still 'bating the

general zeal of Mr Tapley's nature, nothing was made particularly clearer by these offers of service.

It was in this position of affairs that Tom's account of the strange behaviour of the decayed clerk, on the night

of the teaparty, became of great moment, and finally convinced them that to arrive at a more accurate

knowledge of the workings of that old man's mind and memory, would be to take a most important stride in

their pursuit of the truth. So, having first satisfied themselves that no communication had ever taken place

between Lewsome and Mr Chuffey (which would have accounted at once for any suspicions the latter might

entertain), they unanimously resolved that the old clerk was the man they wanted.

But, like the unanimous resolution of a public meeting, which will oftentimes declare that this or that

grievance is not to be borne a moment longer, which is nevertheless borne for a century or two afterwards,

without any modification, they only reached in this the conclusion that they were all of one mind. For it was

one thing to want Mr Chuffey, and another thing to get at him; and to do that without alarming him, or

without alarming Jonas, or without being discomfited by the difficulty of striking, in an instrument so out of

tune and so unused, the note they sought, was an end as far from their reach as ever.

The question then became, who of those about the old clerk had had most influence with him that night? Tom

said his young mistress clearly. But Tom and all of them shrunk from the thought of entrapping her, and

making her the innocent means of bringing retribution on her cruel husband. Was there nobody else? Why

yes. In a very different way, Tom said, he was influenced by Mrs Gamp, the nurse; who had once had the

They caught at this immediately. Here was a new way out, developed in a quarter until then overlooked. John

Westlock knew Mrs Gamp; he had given her employment; he was acquainted with her place of residence: for

that good lady had obligingly furnished him, at parting, with a pack of her professional cards for general

distribution. It was decided that Mrs Gamp should be approached with caution, but approached without delay;

and that the depths of that discreet matron's knowledge of Mr Chuffey, and means of bringing them, or one of

On this service, Martin and John Westlock determined to proceed that night; waiting on Mrs Gamp first, at

her lodgings; and taking their chance of finding her in the repose of private life, or of having to seek her out,

elsewhere, in the exercise of her professional duties. Tom returned home, that he might lose no opportunity of

having an interview with Nadgett, by being absent in the event of his reappearance. And Mr Tapley remained

(by his own particular desire) for the time being in Furnival's Inn, to look after Lewsome; who might safely

have been left to himself, however, for any thought he seemed to entertain of giving them the slip.

Before they parted on their several errands, they caused him to read aloud, in the presence of them all, the

paper which he had about him, and the declaration he had attached to it, which was to the effect that he had

written it voluntarily, in the fear of death and in the torture of his mind. And when he had done so, they all

signed it, and taking it from him, of his free will, locked it in a place of safety.

Martin also wrote, by John's advice, a letter to the trustees of the famous Grammar School, boldly claiming

the successful design as his, and charging Mr Pecksniff with the fraud he had committed. In this proceeding

also, John was hotly interested; observing, with his usual irreverance, that Mr Pecksniff had been a successful

rascal all his life through, and that it would be a lasting source of happiness to him (John) if he could help to

A busy day! But Martin had no lodgings yet; so when these matters were disposed of, he excused himself

from dining with John Westlock and was fain to wander out alone, and look for some. He succeeded, after

great trouble, in engaging two garrets for himself and Mark, situated in a court in the Strand, not far from

Temple Bar. Their luggage, which was waiting for them at a coachoffice, he conveyed to this new place of

refuge; and it was with a glow of satisfaction, which as a selfish man he never could have known and never

had, that, thinking how much pains and trouble he had saved Mark, and how pleased and astonished Mark

would be, he afterwards walked up and down, in the Temple, eating a meatpie for his dinner.

Mrs Gamp's apartment in Kingsgate Street, High Holborn, wore, metaphorically speaking, a robe of state. It

was swept and garnished for the reception of a visitor. That visitor was Betsey Prig; Mrs Prig, of Bartlemy's;

or as some said Barklemy's, or as some said Bardlemy's; for by all these endearing and familiar appellations,

had the hospital of Saint Bartholomew become a household word among the sisterhood which Betsey Prig

Mrs Gamp's apartment was not a spacious one, but, to a contented mind, a closet is a palace; and the

firstfloor front at Mr Sweedlepipe's may have been, in the imagination of Mrs Gamp, a stately pile. If it

were not exactly that, to restless intellects, it at least comprised as much accommodation as any person, not

sanguine to insanity, could have looked for in a room of its dimensions. For only keep the bedstead always in

your mind; and you were safe. That was the grand secret. Remembering the bedstead, you might even stoop

to look under the little round table for anything you had dropped, without hurting yourself much against the

chest of drawers, or qualifying as a patient of Saint Bartholomew, by falling into the fire.

Visitors were much assisted in their cautious efforts to preserve an unflagging recollection of this piece of

furniture, by its size; which was great. It was not a turnup bedstead, nor yet a French bedstead, nor yet a

fourpost bedstead, but what is poetically called a tent; the sacking whereof was low and bulgy, insomuch

that Mrs Gamp's box would not go under it, but stopped halfway, in a manner which, while it did violence

to the reason, likewise endangered the legs of a stranger. The frame too, which would have supported the

canopy and hangings if there had been any, was ornamented with divers pippins carved in timber, which on

the slightest provocation, and frequently on none at all, came tumbling down; harassing the peaceful guest

The bed itself was decorated with a patchwork quilt of great antiquity; and at the upper end, upon the side

nearest to the door, hung a scanty curtain of blue check, which prevented the Zephyrs that were abroad in

Kingsgate Street, from visiting Mrs Gamp's head too roughly. Some rusty gowns and other articles of that

lady's wardrobe depended from the posts; and these had so adapted themselves by long usage to her figure,

that more than one impatient husband coming in precipitately, at about the time of twilight, had been for an

instant stricken dumb by the supposed discovery that Mrs Gamp had hanged herself. One gentleman, coming

on the usual hasty errand, had said indeed, that they looked like guardian angels 'watching of her in her sleep.'

But that, as Mrs Gamp said, 'was his first;' and he never repeated the sentiment, though he often repeated his

The chairs in Mrs Gamp's apartment were extremely large and broad backed, which was more than a

sufficient reason for there being but two in number. They were both elbowchairs, of ancient mahogany; and

were chiefly valuable for the slippery nature of their seats, which had been originally horsehair, but were now

covered with a shiny substance of a bluish tint, from which the visitor began to slide away with a dismayed

countenance, immediately after sitting down. What Mrs Gamp wanted in chairs she made up in bandboxes; of

which she had a great collection, devoted to the reception of various miscellaneous valuables, which were

not, however, as well protected as the good woman, by a pleasant fiction, seemed to think; for, though every

bandbox had a carefully closed lid, not one among them had a bottom; owing to which cause the property

within was merely, as it were, extinguished. The chest of drawers having been originally made to stand upon

the top of another chest, had a dwarfish, elfin look, alone; but in regard of its security it had a great advantage

over the bandboxes, for as all the handles had been long ago pulled off, it was very difficult to get at its

contents. This indeed was only to be done by one or two devices; either by tilting the whole structure forward

until all the drawers fell out together, or by opening them singly with knives, like oysters.

Mrs Gamp stored all her household matters in a little cupboard by the fireplace; beginning below the surface

(as in nature) with the coals, and mounting gradually upwards to the spirits, which, from motives of delicacy,

she kept in a teapot. The chimneypiece was ornamented with a small almanack, marked here and there in

Mrs Gamp's own hand with a memorandum of the date at which some lady was expected to fall due. It was

also embellished with three profiles: one, in colours, of Mrs Gamp herself in early life; one, in bronze, of a

lady in feathers, supposed to be Mrs Harris, as she appeared when dressed for a ball; and one, in black, of Mr

Gamp, deceased. The last was a full length, in order that the likeness might be rendered more obvious and

A pair of bellows, a pair of pattens, a toastingfork, a kettle, a papboat, a spoon for the administration of

medicine to the refractory, and lastly, Mrs Gamp's umbrella, which as something of great price and rarity,

was displayed with particular ostentation, completed the decorations of the chimneypiece and adjacent wall.

Towards these objects Mrs Gamp raised her eyes in satisfaction when she had arranged the teaboard, and

had concluded her arrangements for the reception of Betsey Prig, even unto the setting forth of two pounds of

'There! Now drat you, Betsey, don't be long!' said Mrs Gamp, apostrophizing her absent friend. 'For I can't

abear to wait, I do assure you. To wotever place I goes, I sticks to this one mortar, "I'm easy pleased; it is but

little as I wants; but I must have that little of the best, and to the minute when the clock strikes, else we do not

Her own preparations were of the best, for they comprehended a delicate new loaf, a plate of fresh butter, a

basin of fine white sugar, and other arrangements on the same scale. Even the snuff with which she now

'There's the little bell aringing now,' said Mrs Gamp, hurrying to the stairhead and looking over. 'Betsey

'You're always acomin' in, I think,' muttered Mrs Gamp to herself, 'except wen you're agoin' out. I ha'n't no

'Well,' cried Mrs Gamp, impatiently, as she descended the stairs. 'What is it? Is the Thames afire, and

cooking its own fish, Mr Sweedlepipes? Why wot's the man gone and been adoin' of to himself? He's as

She added the latter clause of inquiry, when she got downstairs, and found him seated in the shavingchair,

'Not young Wilkins!' cried Mrs Gamp. 'Don't say young Wilkins, wotever you do. If young Wilkins's wife is

'Why, wot do you mean to say that chit's been adoin' of?' retorted Mrs Gamp, sharply. 'Stuff and nonsense,

'He hasn't been adoing anything!' exclaimed poor Poll, quite desperate. 'What do you catch me up so short

for, when you see me put out to that extent that I can hardly speak? He'll never do anything again. He's done

for. He's killed. The first time I ever see that boy,' said Poll, 'I charged him too much for a redpoll. I asked

him threehalfpence for a penny one, because I was afraid he'd beat me down. But he didn't. And now he's

dead; and if you was to crowd all the steamengines and electric fluids that ever was, into this shop, and set

'em every one to work their hardest, they couldn't square the account, though it's only a ha'penny!'

'And what a clever boy he was!' he said. 'What a surprising young chap he was! How he talked! and what a

deal he know'd! Shaved in this very chair he was; only for fun; it was all his fun; he was full of it. Ah! to

think that he'll never be shaved in earnest! The birds might every one have died, and welcome,' cried the little

barber, looking round him at the cages, and again applying to the towel, 'sooner than I'd have heard this

'I went out,' returned the little barber, 'into the City, to meet a sporting gent upon the Stock Exchange, that

wanted a few slow pigeons to practice at; and when I'd done with him, I went to get a little drop of beer, and

'You are in a nice state of confugion, Mr Sweedlepipes, you are!' said Mrs Gamp, shaking her head; 'and my

opinion is, as half adudgeon fresh young lively leeches on your temples, wouldn't be too much to clear

your mind, which so I tell you. Wot were they a talkin' on, and wot was in the papers?'

'All about it!' cried the barber. 'What else do you suppose? Him and his master were upset on a journey, and

he was carried to Salisbury, and was breathing his last when the account came away. He never spoke

afterwards. Not a single word. That's the worst of it to me; but that ain't all. His master can't be found. The

other manager of their office in the city, Crimple, David Crimple, has gone off with the money, and is

advertised for, with a reward, upon the walls. Mr Montague, poor young Bailey's master (what a boy he was!)

is advertised for, too. Some say he's slipped off, to join his friend abroad; some say he mayn't have got away

yet; and they're looking for him high and low. Their office is a smash; a swindle altogether. But what's a Life

'He was born into a wale,' said Mrs Gamp, with philosophical coolness. 'and he lived in a wale; and he must

take the consequences of sech a sitiwation. But don't you hear nothink of Mr Chuzzlewit in all this?'

'No,' said Poll, 'nothing to speak of. His name wasn't printed as one of the board, though some people say it

was just going to be. Some believe he was took in, and some believe he was one of the takersin; but

however that may be, they can't prove nothing against him. This morning he went up of his own accord afore

the Lord Mayor or some of them City bigwigs, and complained that he'd been swindled, and that these two

persons had gone off and cheated him, and that he had just found out that Montague's name wasn't even

Montague, but something else. And they do say that he looked like Death, owing to his losses. But, Lord

forgive me,' cried the barber, coming back again to the subject of his individual grief, 'what's his looks to me!

He might have died and welcome, fifty times, and not been such a loss as Bailey!'

At this juncture the little bell rang, and the deep voice of Mrs Prig struck into the conversation.

'Oh! You're atalkin' about it, are you!' observed that lady. 'Well, I hope you've got it over, for I ain't

The worthy Mrs Prig replied, with some asperity, 'that if perwerse people went off dead, when they was least

expected, it warn't no fault of her'n.' And further, 'that it was quite aggrawation enough to be made late when

Mrs Gamp, deriving from this exhibition of repartee some clue to the state of Mrs Prig's feelings, instantly

conducted her upstairs; deeming that the sight of pickled salmon might work a softening change.

But Betsey Prig expected pickled salmon. It was obvious that she did; for her first words, after glancing at the

Mrs Prig, looking steadfastly at her friend, put her hand in her pocket, and with an air of surly triumph drew

forth either the oldest of lettuces or youngest of cabbages, but at any rate, a green vegetable of an expansive

nature, and of such magnificent proportions that she was obliged to shut it up like an umbrella before she

could pull it out. She also produced a handful of mustard and cress, a trifle of the herb called dandelion, three

bunches of radishes, an onion rather larger than an average turnip, three substantial slices of beetroot, and a

short prong or antler of celery; the whole of this gardenstuff having been publicly exhibited, but a short time

before, as a twopenny salad, and purchased by Mrs Prig on condition that the vendor could get it all into her

pocket. Which had been happily accomplished, in High Holborn, to the breathless interest of a

hackneycoach stand. And she laid so little stress on this surprising forethought, that she did not even smile,

but returning her pocket into its accustomed sphere, merely recommended that these productions of nature

'And don't go adroppin' none of your snuff in it,' said Mrs Prig. 'In gruel, barleywater, appletea,

muttonbroth, and that, it don't signify. It stimulates a patient. But I don't relish it myself.'

'Why, ain't your patients, wotever their diseases is, always asneezin' their wery heads off, along of your

'WHO deniges of it, Betsey?' Mrs Gamp inquired again. Then Mrs Gamp, by reversing the question, imparted

a deeper and more awful character of solemnity to the same. 'Betsey, who deniges of it?'

It was the nearest possible approach to a very decided difference of opinion between these ladies; but Mrs

Prig's impatience for the meal being greater at the moment than her impatience of contradiction, she replied,

for the present, 'Nobody, if you don't, Sairah,' and prepared herself for tea. For a quarrel can be taken up at

Her toilet was simple. She had merely to 'chuck' her bonnet and shawl upon the bed; give her hair two pulls,

one upon the right side and one upon the left, as if she were ringing a couple of bells; and all was done. The

tea was already made, Mrs Gamp was not long over the salad, and they were soon at the height of their

The temper of both parties was improved, for the time being, by the enjoyments of the table. When the meal

came to a termination (which it was pretty long in doing), and Mrs Gamp having cleared away, produced the

teapot from the top shelf, simultaneously with a couple of wineglasses, they were quite amiable.

'Betsey,' said Mrs Gamp, filling her own glass and passing the teapot, 'I will now propoge a toast. My

'Which, altering the name to Sairah Gamp; I drink,' said Mrs Prig, 'with love and tenderness.'

From this moment symptoms of inflammation began to lurk in the nose of each lady; and perhaps,

'Now, Sairah,' said Mrs Prig, 'joining business with pleasure, wot is this case in which you wants me?'

Mrs Gamp betraying in her face some intention of returning an evasive answer, Betsey added:

'Why should you be glad of that, Betsey?' Mrs Gamp retorted, warmly. 'She is unbeknown to you except by

hearsay, why should you be glad? If you have anythink to say contrairy to the character of Mrs Harris, which

well I knows behind her back, afore her face, or anywheres, is not to be impeaged, out with it, Betsey. I have

know'd that sweetest and best of women,' said Mrs Gamp, shaking her head, and shedding tears, 'ever since

afore her First, which Mr Harris who was dreadful timid went and stopped his ears in a empty dogkennel,

and never took his hands away or come out once till he was showed the baby, wen bein' took with fits, the

doctor collared him and laid him on his back upon the airy stones, and she was told to ease her mind, his owls

was organs. And I have know'd her, Betsey Prig, when he has hurt her feelin' art by sayin' of his Ninth that it

was one too many, if not two, while that dear innocent was cooin' in his face, which thrive it did though

bandy, but I have never know'd as you had occagion to be glad, Betsey, on accounts of Mrs Harris not

requiring you. Require she never will, depend upon it, for her constant words in sickness is, and will be,

During this touching address, Mrs Prig adroitly feigning to be the victim of that absence of mind which has

its origin in excessive attention to one topic, helped herself from the teapot without appearing to observe it.

'You have heerd me mention, Betsey,' Mrs Gamp replied, after glancing in an expressive and marked manner

at the teapot, 'a person as I took care on at the time as you and me was pardners off and on, in that there

Sarah Gamp looked at her with an eye of fire, for she saw in this mistake of Mrs Prig, another willful and

malignant stab at that same weakness or custom of hers, an ungenerous allusion to which, on the part of

Betsey, had first disturbed their harmony that evening. And she saw it still more clearly, when, politely but

firmly correcting that lady by the distinct enunciation of the word 'Chuffey,' Mrs Prig received the correction

The best among us have their failings, and it must be conceded of Mrs Prig, that if there were a blemish in the

goodness of her disposition, it was a habit she had of not bestowing all its sharp and acid properties upon her

patients (as a thoroughly amiable woman would have done), but of keeping a considerable remainder for the

service of her friends. Highly pickled salmon, and lettuces chopped up in vinegar, may, as viands possessing

some acidity of their own, have encouraged and increased this failing in Mrs Prig; and every application to

the teapot certainly did; for it was often remarked of her by her friends, that she was most contradictory when

most elevated. It is certain that her countenance became about this time derisive and defiant, and that she sat

with her arms folded, and one eye shut up, in a somewhat offensive, because obstrusively intelligent, manner.

Mrs Gamp observing this, felt it the more necessary that Mrs Prig should know her place, and be made

sensible of her exact station in society, as well as of her obligations to herself. She therefore assumed an air

of greater patronage and importance, as she went on to answer Mrs Prig a little more in detail.

'Mr Chuffey, Betsey,' said Mrs Gamp, 'is weak in his mind. Excuge me if I makes remark, that he may neither

be so weak as people thinks, nor people may not think he is so weak as they pretends, and what I knows, I

knows; and what you don't, you don't; so do not ask me, Betsey. But Mr Chuffey's friends has made propojals

for his bein' took care on, and has said to me, "Mrs Gamp, WILL you undertake it? We couldn't think," they

says, "of trusting him to nobody but you, for, Sairey, you are gold as has passed the furnage. Will you

undertake it, at your own price, day and night, and by your own self?" "No," I says, "I will not. Do not reckon

on it. There is," I says, but one creetur in the world as I would undertake on sech terms, and her name is

Harris. But," I says, "I am acquainted with a friend, whose name is Betsey Prig, that I can recommend, and

will assist me. Betsey," I says, "is always to be trusted under me, and will be guided as I could desire."'

Here Mrs Prig, without any abatement of her offensive manner again counterfeited abstraction of mind, and

stretched out her hand to the teapot. It was more than Mrs Gamp could bear. She stopped the hand of Mrs

Mrs Prig, thus baffled, threw herself back in her chair, and closing the same eye more emphatically, and

folding her arms tighter, suffered her head to roll slowly from side to side, while she surveyed her friend with

Mrs Gamp looked at her with amazement, incredulity, and indignation; when Mrs Prig, shutting her eye still

closer, and folding her arms still tighter, uttered these memorable and tremendous words:

After the utterance of which expressions, she leaned forward, and snapped her fingers once, twice, thrice;

each time nearer to the face of Mrs Gamp, and then rose to put on her bonnet, as one who felt that there was

The shock of this blow was so violent and sudden, that Mrs Gamp sat staring at nothing with uplifted eyes,

and her mouth open as if she were gasping for breath, until Betsey Prig had put on her bonnet and her shawl,

and was gathering the latter about her throat. Then Mrs Gamp rosemorally and physically roseand

'What!' said Mrs Gamp, 'you bage creetur, have I know'd Mrs Harris five and thirty year, to be told at last that

there ain't no sech a person livin'! Have I stood her friend in all her troubles, great and small, for it to come at

last to sech a end as this, which her own sweet picter hanging up afore you all the time, to shame your

Bragian words! But well you mayn't believe there's no sech a creetur, for she wouldn't demean herself to look

at you, and often has she said, when I have made mention of your name, which, to my sinful sorrow, I have

'Aperiently,' said Mrs Gamp, surveying her with scorn from head to foot, 'to Betsey Prig. Aperiently so. I

'And YOU was agoin' to take me under you!' cried Mrs Prig, surveying Mrs Gamp from head to foot in her

turn. 'YOU was, was you? Oh, how kind! Why, deuce take your imperence,' said Mrs Prig, with a rapid

'You had better blush a little for yourself, while you ARE about it!' said Mrs Prig. 'You and your Chuffeys!

'He'd very soon be mad enough, if you had anything to do with him,' said Mrs Gamp.

'And that's what I was wanted for, is it?' cried Mrs Prig, triumphantly. 'Yes. But you'll find yourself deceived.

I won't go near him. We shall see how you get on without me. I won't have nothink to do with him.'

She was prevented from witnessing the actual retirement of Mrs Prig from the room, notwithstanding the

great desire she had expressed to behold it, by that lady, in her angry withdrawal, coming into contact with

the bedstead, and bringing down the previously mentioned pippins; three or four of which came rattling on

the head of Mrs Gamp so smartly, that when she recovered from this wooden showerbath, Mrs Prig was

She had the satisfaction, however, of hearing the deep voice of Betsey, proclaiming her injuries and her

determination to have nothing to do with Mr Chuffey, down the stairs, and along the passage, and even out in

Kingsgate Street. Likewise of seeing in her own apartment, in the place of Mrs Prig, Mr Sweedlepipe and two

'Why, bless my life!' exclaimed the little barber, 'what's amiss? The noise you ladies have been making, Mrs

Gamp! Why, these two gentlemen have been standing on the stairs, outside the door, nearly all the time,

trying to make you hear, while you were pelting away, hammer and tongs! It'll be the death of the little

bullfinch in the shop, that draws his own water. In his fright, he's been a straining himself all to bits,

drawing more water than he could drink in a twelvemonth. He must have thought it was Fire!'

Mrs Gamp had in the meanwhile sunk into her chair, from whence, turning up her overflowing eyes, and

'Oh, Mr Sweedlepipes, which Mr Westlock also, if my eyes do not deceive, and a friend not havin' the

pleasure of bein' beknown, wot I have took from Betsey Prig this blessed night, no mortial creetur knows! If

she had abuged me, bein' in liquor, which I thought I smelt her wen she come, but could not so believe, not

bein' used myself'Mrs Gamp, by the way, was pretty far gone, and the fragrance of the teapot was strong in

the room'I could have bore it with a thankful art. But the words she spoke of Mrs Harris, lambs could not

forgive. No, Betsey!' said Mrs Gamp, in a violent burst of feeling, 'nor worms forget!'

The little barber scratched his head, and shook it, and looked at the teapot, and gradually got out of the room.

John Westlock, taking a chair, sat down on one side of Mrs Gamp. Martin, taking the foot of the bed,

'You wonder what we want, I daresay,' observed John. 'I'll tell you presently, when you have recovered. It's

Mrs Gamp shed more tears, shook her head and feebly pronounced Mrs Harris's name.

Mrs Gamp was prevailed upon to take a glassful. 'On condition,' she passionately observed, 'as Betsey never

'To think,' said Mrs Gamp, 'as she should ever have helped to nuss that friend of yourn, and been so near of

'Narrer, indeed!' she returned. 'It was only my having the night, and hearin' of him in his wanderins; and her

the day, that saved it. Wot would she have said and done, if she had know'd what I know; that perfeejus

wretch! Yet, oh good gracious me!' cried Mrs Gamp, trampling on the floor, in the absence of Mrs Prig, 'that I

should hear from that same woman's lips what I have heerd her speak of Mrs Harris!'

'Isn't true!' cried Mrs Gamp. 'True! Don't I know as that dear woman is expecting of me at this minnit, Mr

Westlock, and is a lookin' out of window down the street, with little Tommy Harris in her arms, as calls me

his own Gammy, and truly calls, for bless the mottled little legs of that there precious child (like Canterbury

Brawn his own dear father says, which so they are) his own I have been, ever since I found him, Mr

Westlock, with his small red worsted shoe agurglin' in his throat, where he had put it in his play, a chick,

wile they was leavin' of him on the floor alookin' for it through the ouse and him achoakin' sweetly in the

parlour! Oh, Betsey Prig, what wickedness you've showed this night, but never shall you darken Sairey's

'That's the cutting part. That's where it hurts me, Mr Westlock,' Mrs Gamp replied; holding out her glass

'Chosen to help you with Mr Lewsome!' said John. 'Chosen to help you with Mr Chuffey!'

'Chose once, but chose no more,' cried Mrs Gamp. 'No pardnership with Betsey Prig agen, sir!'

'I don't know as it ever would have done, sir,' Mrs Gamp replied, with a solemnity peculiar to a certain stage

of intoxication. 'Now that the marks,' by which Mrs Gamp is supposed to have meant mask, 'is off that

creetur's face, I do not think it ever would have done. There are reagions in families for keeping things a

secret, Mr Westlock, and havin' only them about you as you knows you can repoge in. Who could repoge in

Betsey Prig, arter her words of Mrs Harris, setting in that chair afore my eyes!'

'Quite true,' said John; 'quite. I hope you have time to find another assistant, Mrs Gamp?'

Between her indignation and the teapot, her powers of comprehending what was said to her began to fail. She

looked at John with tearful eyes, and murmuring the wellremembered name which Mrs Prig had

challengedas if it were a talisman against all earthly sorrows seemed to wander in her mind.

'Which short it is, indeed,' cried Mrs Gamp, turning up her languid eyes, and clasping Mr Westlock's wrist

with matronly affection. 'Tomorrow evenin', sir, I waits upon his friends. Mr Chuzzlewit apinted it from

'From nine to ten,' said John, with a significant glance at Martin. 'and then Mr Chuffey retires into safe

'He needs to be kep safe, I do assure you,' Mrs Gamp replied with a mysterious air. 'Other people besides me

has had a happy deliverance from Betsey Prig. I little know'd that woman. She'd have let it out!'

The severely ironical character of this reply was strengthened by a very slow nod, and a still slower drawing

down of the corners of Mrs Gamp's mouth. She added with extreme stateliness of manner after indulging in a

Mingling with that delusion of the teapot which inspired her with the belief that they wanted her to go

somewhere immediately, a shrewd avoidance of any further reference to the topics into which she had lately

strayed, Mrs Gamp rose; and putting away the teapot in its accustomed place, and locking the cupboard with

This preparation was easily made, as it required nothing more than the snuffy black bonnet, the snuffy black

shawl, the pattens and the indispensable umbrella, without which neither a lyingin nor a layingout could by

any possibility be attempted. When Mrs Gamp had invested herself with these appendages she returned to her

'It's a 'appiness to know as one can benefit the poor sweet creetur,' she observed, 'I'm sure. It isn't all as can.

Closing her eyes as she made this remark, in the acuteness of her commiseration for Betsey's patients, she

forgot to open them again until she dropped a patten. Her nap was also broken at intervals like the fabled

slumbers of Friar Bacon, by the dropping of the other patten, and of the umbrella. But when she had got rid of

The two young men looked at each other, ludicrously enough; and Martin, stifling his disposition to laugh,

'Rely upon it,' whispered John, looking cautiously towards her, 'that you shall question this old clerk, though

you go as Mrs Harris herself. We know quite enough to carry her our own way now, at all events; thanks to

this quarrel, which confirms the old saying that when rogues fall out, honest people get what they want. Let

Jonas Chuzzlewit look to himself; and let her sleep as long as she likes. We shall gain our end in good time.'

It was the next evening; and Tom and his sister were sitting together before tea, talking, in their usual quiet

way, about a great many things, but not at all about Lewsome's story or anything connected with it; for John

Westlockreally John, for so young a man, was one of the most considerate fellows in the worldhad

particularly advised Tom not to mention it to his sister just yet, in case it should disquiet her. 'And I wouldn't,

Tom,' he said, with a little hesitation, 'I wouldn't have a shadow on her happy face, or an uneasy thought in

her gentle heart, for all the wealth and honours of the universe!' Really John was uncommonly kind;

extraordinarily kind. If he had been her father, Tom said, he could not have taken a greater interest in her.

But although Tom and his sister were extremely conversational, they were less lively, and less cheerful, than

usual. Tom had no idea that this originated with Ruth, but took it for granted that he was rather dull himself.

In truth he was; for the lightest cloud upon the Heaven of her quiet mind, cast its shadow upon Tom.

And there was a cloud on little Ruth that evening. Yes, indeed. When Tom was looking in another direction,

her bright eyes, stealing on towards his face, would sparkle still more brightly than their custom was, and

then grow dim. When Tom was silent, looking out upon the summer weather, she would sometimes make a

hasty movement, as if she were about to throw herself upon his neck; then check the impulse, and when he

looked round, show a laughing face, and speak to him very merrily; when she had anything to give Tom, or

had any excuse for coming near him, she would flutter about him, and lay her bashful hand upon his

shoulder, and not be willing to withdraw it; and would show by all such means that there was something on

her heart which in her great love she longed to say to him, but had not the courage to utter.

So they were sitting, she with her work before her, but not working, and Tom with his book beside him, but

not reading, when Martin knocked at the door. Anticipating who it was, Tom went to open it; and he and

Martin came back into the room together. Tom looked surprised, for in answer to his cordial greeting Martin

Ruth also saw that there was something strange in the manner of their visitor, and raised her eyes inquiringly

to Tom's face, as if she were seeking an explanation there. Tom shook his head, and made the same mute

Martin did not sit down but walked up to the window, and stood there looking out. He turned round after a

'What has happened, Martin?' Tom anxiously inquired. 'My dear fellow, what bad news do you bring?'

'Oh, Tom!' replied Martin, in a tone of deep reproach. 'To hear you feign that interest in anything that

'How could you, Tom, how could you suffer me to thank you so fervently and sincerely for your friendship;

and not tell me, like a man, that you had deserted me! Was it true, Tom! Was it honest! Was it worthy of

what you used to beof what I am sure you used to be to tempt me, when you had turned against me, into

His tone was one of such strong injury and yet of so much grief for the loss of a friend he had trusted init

expressed such high past love for Tom, and so much sorrow and compassion for his supposed

unworthinessthat Tom, for a moment, put his hand before his face, and had no more power of justifying

'I protest, as I must die,' said Martin, 'that I grieve over the loss of what I thought you; and have no anger in

the recollection of my own injuries. It is only at such a time, and after such a discovery, that we know the full

measure of our old regard for the subject of it. I swear, little as I showed itlittle as I know I showed

itthat when I had the least consideration for you, Tom, I loved you like a brother.'

Tom was composed by this time, and might have been the Spirit of Truth, in a homely dressit very often

'Martin,' he said, 'I don't know what is in your mind, or who has abused it, or by what extraordinary means.

But the means are false. There is no truth whatever in the impression under which you labour. It is a delusion

from first to last; and I warn you that you will deeply regret the wrong you do me. I can honestly say that I

have been true to you, and to myself. You will be very sorry for this. Indeed, you will be very sorry for it,

'I AM sorry,' returned Martin, shaking his head. 'I think I never knew what it was to be sorry in my heart,

'At least,' said Tom, 'if I had always been what you charge me with being now, and had never had a place in

your regard, but had always been despised by you, and had always deserved it, you should tell me in what

you have found me to be treacherous; and on what grounds you proceed. I do not intreat you, therefore, to

'No,' replied Tom, calmly. 'Not if they accuse me. But they never have accused me. Whoever has perverted

them to such a purpose, has wronged me almost as cruelly'his calmness rather failed him here 'as you

'Not to her,' interrupted Tom. 'Pray, do not appeal to her. She will never believe you.'

'No, no,' cried Tom, 'of course not. I said so. Why, tut, tut, tut. What a silly little thing you are!'

'I never meant,' said Martin, hastily, 'to appeal to you against your brother. Do not think me so unmanly and

unkind. I merely appealed to you to hear my declaration, that I came here for no purpose of reproachI have

not one reproach to ventbut in deep regret. You could not know in what bitterness of regret, unless you

knew how often I have thought of Tom; how long in almost hopeless circumstances, I have looked forward to

the better estimation of his friendship; and how steadfastly I have believed and trusted in him.'

'Tut, tut,' said Tom, stopping her as she was about to speak. 'He is mistaken. He is deceived. Why should you

'Heaven bless the day that sets me right!' cried Martin, 'if it could ever come!'

'You have chosen for yourself, Tom, and will be relieved by our parting. It is not an angry one. There is no

'It is merely what you have brought about, and worked to bring about. I say again, you have chosen for

yourself. You have made the choice that might have been expected in most people situated as you are, but

which I did not expect in you. For that, perhaps, I should blame my own judgment more than you. There is

wealth and favour worth having, on one side; and there is the worthless friendship of an abandoned,

struggling fellow, on the other. You were free to make your election, and you made it; and the choice was not

difficult. But those who have not the courage to resist such temptations, should have the courage to avow

what they have yielded to them; and I DO blame you for this, Tom: that you received me with a show of

warmth, encouraged me to be frank and plainspoken, tempted me to confide in you, and professed that you

were able to be mine; when you had sold yourself to others. I do not believe,' said Martin, with

emotion'hear me say it from my heartI CANNOT believe, Tom, now that I am standing face to face

with you, that it would have been in your nature to do me any serious harm, even though I had not

discovered, by chance, in whose employment you were. But I should have encumbered you; I should have led

you into more doubledealing; I should have hazarded your retaining the favour for which you have paid so

high a price, bartering away your former self; and it is best for both of us that I have found out what you so

'Be just,' said Tom; who, had not removed his mild gaze from Martin's face since the commencement of this

last address; 'be just even in your injustice, Martin. You forget. You have not yet told me what your

'Why should I?' returned Martin, waving his hand, and moving towards the door. 'You could not know it the

better for my dwelling on it, and though it would be really none the worse, it might seem to me to be. No,

Tom. Bygones shall be bygones between us. I can take leave of you at this moment, and in this placein

which you are so amiable and so goodas heartily, if not as cheerfully, as ever I have done since we first

'Iyouyou have chosen for yourself, Tom! II hope it was a rash choice,' Martin faltered. 'I think it was.

Tom led his little sister to her chair, and sat down in his own. He took his book, and read, or seemed to read.

Presently he said aloud, turning a leaf as he spoke: 'He will be very sorry for this.' And a tear stole down his

'No, no,' said Tom. 'He believes it. I cannot imagine why. But it will be set right.'

More closely yet, she nestled down about him; and wept as if her heart would break.

'Oh Tom, dear Tom, I know your secret heart. I have found it out; you couldn't hide the truth from me. Why

didn't you tell me? I am sure I could have made you happier, if you had! You love her, Tom, so dearly!'

Tom made a motion with his hand as if he would have put his sister hurriedly away; but it clasped upon hers,

and all his little history was written in the action. All its pathetic eloquence was in the silent touch.

'In spite of that,' said Ruth, 'you have been so faithful and so good, dear; in spite of that, you have been so

true and self denying, and have struggled with yourself; in spite of that, you have been so gentle, and so

kind, and eventempered, that I have never seen you give a hasty look, or heard you say one irritable word.

In spite of all, you have been so cruelly mistaken. Oh Tom, dear Tom, will THIS be set right too! Will it,

Tom? Will you always have this sorrow in your breast; you who deserve to be so happy; or is there any

And still she hid her face from Tom, and clasped him round the neck, and wept for him, and poured out all

It was not very long before she and Tom were sitting side by side, and she was looking with an earnest

'I am very glad, my dear, that this has passed between us. Not because it assures me of your tender affection

(for I was well assured of that before), but because it relieves my mind of a great weight.'

Tom's eyes glistened when he spoke of her affection; and he kissed her on the cheek.

'My dear girl,' said Tom; 'with whatever feeling I regard her'they seemed to avoid the name by mutual

consent'I have long agoI am sure I may say from the very firstlooked upon it as a dream. As

something that might possibly have happened under very different circumstances, but which can never be.

She gave Tom such a significant little look, that he was obliged to take it for an answer whether he would or

'By her own choice and free consent, my love, she is betrothed to Martin; and was, long before either of them

'Yes,' rejoined Tom, 'but that might be setting it wrong, instead of right. Do you think,' said Tom, with a

grave smile, 'that even if she had never seen him, it is very likely she would have fallen in love with Me?'

'You think of me, Ruth,' said Tom, 'and it is very natural that you should, as if I were a character in a book;

and you make it a sort of poetical justice that I should, by some impossible means or other, come, at last, to

marry the person I love. But there is a much higher justice than poetical justice, my dear, and it does not order

events upon the same principle. Accordingly, people who read about heroes in books, and choose to make

heroes of themselves out of books, consider it a very fine thing to be discontented and gloomy, and

misanthropical, and perhaps a little blasphemous, because they cannot have everything ordered for their

individual accommodation. Would you like me to become one of that sort of people?'

'No, Tom. But still I know,' she added timidly, 'that this is a sorrow to you in your own better way.'

Tom thought of disputing the position. But it would have been mere folly, and he gave it up.

'My dear,' said Tom, 'I will repay your affection with the Truth and all the Truth. It is a sorrow to me. I have

proved it to be so sometimes, though I have always striven against it. But somebody who is precious to you

may die, and you may dream that you are in heaven with the departed spirit, and you may find it a sorrow to

wake to the life on earth, which is no harder to be borne than when you fell asleep. It is sorrowful to me to

contemplate my dream which I always knew was a dream, even when it first presented itself; but the realities

about me are not to blame. They are the same as they were. My sister, my sweet companion, who makes this

place so dear, is she less devoted to me, Ruth, than she would have been, if this vision had never troubled

me? My old friend John, who might so easily have treated me with coldness and neglect, is he less cordial to

me? The world about me, is there less good in that? Are my words to be harsh and my looks to be sour, and is

my heart to grow cold, because there has fallen in my way a good and beautiful creature, who but for the

selfish regret that I cannot call her my own, would, like all other good and beautiful creatures, make me

happier and better! No, my dear sister. No,' said Tom stoutly. 'Remembering all my means of happiness, I

hardly dare to call this lurking something a sorrow; but whatever name it may justly bear, I thank Heaven that

it renders me more sensible of affection and attachment, and softens me in fifty ways. Not less happy. Not

She could not speak to him, but she loved him, as he well deserved. Even as he deserved, she loved him.

'She will open Martin's eyes,' said Tom, with a glow of pride, 'and that (which is indeed wrong) will be set

right. Nothing will persuade her, I know, that I have betrayed him. It will be set right through her, and he will

be very sorry for it. Our secret, Ruth, is our own, and lives and dies with us. I don't believe I ever could have

told it you,' said Tom, with a smile, 'but how glad I am to think you have found it out!'

They had never taken such a pleasant walk as they took that night. Tom told her all so freely and so simply,

and was so desirous to return her tenderness with his fullest confidence, that they prolonged it far beyond

their usual hour, and sat up late when they came home. And when they parted for the night there was such a

tranquil, beautiful expression in Tom's face, that she could not bear to shut it out, but going back on tiptoe to

his chamberdoor, looked in and stood there till he saw her, and then embracing him again, withdrew. And in

her prayers and in her sleepgood times to be remembered with such fervour, Tom!his name was

When he was left alone, Tom pondered very much on this discovery of hers, and greatly wondered what had

led her to it. 'Because,' thought Tom, 'I have been so very careful. It was foolish and unnecessary in me, as I

clearly see now, when I am so relieved by her knowing it; but I have been so very careful to conceal it from

her. Of course I knew that she was intelligent and quick, and for that reason was more upon my guard; but I

was not in the least prepared for this. I am sure her discovery has been sudden too. Dear me!' said Tom. 'It's a

Tom could not get it out of his head. There it was, when his head was on his pillow.

'How she trembled when she began to tell me she knew it!' thought Tom, recalling all the little incidents and

circumstances; 'and how her face flushed! But that was natural! Oh, quite natural! That needs no accounting

Tom little thought how natural it was. Tom little knew that there was that in Ruth's own heart, but newly set

there, which had helped her to the reading of his mystery. Ah, Tom! He didn't understand the whispers of the

Who so lively and cheerful as busy Ruth next morning! Her early tap at Tom's door, and her light foot

outside, would have been music to him though she had not spoken. But she said it was the brightest morning

ever seen; and so it was; and if it had been otherwise, she would have made it so to Tom.

She was ready with his neat breakfast when he went downstairs, and had her bonnet ready for the early walk,

and was so full of news, that Tom was lost in wonder. She might have been up all night, collecting it for his

entertainment. There was Mr Nadgett not come home yet, and there was bread down a penny a loaf, and there

was twice as much strength in this tea as in the last, and the milk woman's husband had come out of the

hospital cured, and the curly headed child over the way had been lost all yesterday, and she was going to

make all sorts of preserves in a desperate hurry, and there happened to be a saucepan in the house which was

the very saucepan for the purpose; and she knew all about the last book Tom had brought home, all through,

though it was a teaser to read; and she had so much to tell him that she had finished breakfast first. Then she

had her little bonnet on, and the tea and sugar locked up, and the keys in her reticule, and the flower, as usual,

in Tom's coat, and was in all respects quite ready to accompany him, before Tom knew she had begun to

prepare. And in short, as Tom said, with a confidence in his own assertion which amounted to a defiance of

She made Tom talkative. It was impossible to resist her. She put such enticing questions to him; about books,

and about dates of churches, and about organs and about the Temple, and about all kinds of things. Indeed,

she lightened the way (and Tom's heart with it) to that degree, that the Temple looked quite blank and solitary

Not yet, at any rate, for the door was closed as usual, and Tom opened it with his key. He had got the books

into perfect order now, and had mended the torn leaves, and had pasted up the broken backs, and substituted

neat labels for the wornout letterings. It looked a different place, it was so orderly and neat. Tom felt some

pride in comtemplating the change he had wrought, though there was no one to approve or disapprove of it.

He was at present occupied in making a fair copy of his draught of the catalogue; on which, as there was no

hurry, he was painfully concentrating all the ingenious and laborious neatness he had ever expended on map

or plan in Mr Pecksniff's workroom. It was a very marvel of a catalogue; for Tom sometimes thought he was

really getting his money too easily, and he had determined within himself that this document should take a

So with pens and ruler, and compasses and indiarubber, and pencil, and black ink, and red ink, Tom worked

away all the morning. He thought a good deal about Martin, and their interview of yesterday, and would have

been far easier in his mind if he could have resolved to confide it to his friend John, and to have taken his

opinion on the subject. But besides that he knew what John's boiling indignation would be, he bethought

himself that he was helping Martin now in a matter of great moment, and that to deprive the latter of his

assistance at such a crisis of affairs, would be to inflict a serious injury upon him.

And to work he went again, more assiduously than ever, with the pens, and the ruler, and the indiarubber,

He had laboured away another hour or more, when he heard a footstep in the entry, down below.

'Ah!' said Tom, looking towards the door; 'time was, not long ago either, when that would have set me

'Thirtysix, thirtyseven, thirtyeight,' said Tom, counting. 'Now you'll stop. Nobody ever comes past the

The person did, certainly, but only to take breath; for up the footstep came again. Forty, fortyone,

The door stood open. As the tread advanced, Tom looked impatiently and eagerly towards it. When a figure

came upon the landing, and arriving in the doorway, stopped and gazed at him, he rose up from his chair, and

Old Martin Chuzzlewit! The same whom he had left at Mr Pecksniff's, weak and sinking!

The same? No, not the same, for this old man, though old, was strong, and leaned upon his stick with a

vigorous hand, while with the other he signed to Tom to make no noise. One glance at the resolute face, the

watchful eye, the vigorous hand upon the staff, the triumphant purpose in the figure, and such a light broke in

'I know. You were ignorant who he was. It was my desire. I am glad it has been so well observed. I intended

to have been with you much sooner. I thought the time had come. I thought I could know no more, and no

'I have lived in his house, Pinch, and had him fawning on me days and weeks and months. You know it. I

have suffered him to treat me like his tool and instrument. You know it; you have seen me there. I have

undergone ten thousand times as much as I could have endured if I had been the miserable weak old man he

took me for. You know it. I have seen him offer love to Mary. You know it; who better who better, my

true heart! I have had his base soul bare before me, day by day, and have not betrayed myself once. I never

He stopped, even in the passion of his speechif that can be called passion which was so resolute and

'Close the door, close the door. He will not be long after me, but may come too soon. The time now drawing

on,' said the old man, hurriedlyhis eyes and whole face brightening as he spoke'will make amends for

all. I wouldn't have him die or hang himself, for millions of golden pieces! Close the door!'

The night had now come, when the old clerk was to be delivered over to his keepers. In the midst of his guilty

It was a part of his guilty state of mind to remember it; for on his persistence in the scheme depended one of

his precautions for his own safety. A hint, a word, from the old man, uttered at such a moment in attentive

ears, might fire the train of suspicion, and destroy him. His watchfulness of every avenue by which the

discovery of his guilt might be approached, sharpened with his sense of the danger by which he was

encompassed. With murder on his soul, and its innumerable alarms and terrors dragging at him night and day,

he would have repeated the crime, if he had seen a path of safety stretching out beyond. It was in his

punishment; it was in his guilty condition. The very deed which his fears rendered insupportable, his fears

But keeping the old man close, according to his design, would serve his turn. His purpose was to escape,

when the first alarm and wonder had subsided; and when he could make the attempt without awakening

instant suspicion. In the meanwhile these women would keep him quiet; and if the talking humour came upon

Nor had he spoken idly when he said the old man should be gagged. He had resolved to ensure his silence;

and he looked to the end, not the means. He had been rough and rude and cruel to the old man all his life; and

violence was natural to his mind in connection with him. 'He shall be gagged if he speaks, and pinioned if he

writes,' said Jonas, looking at him; for they sat alone together. 'He is mad enough for that; I'll go through with

Still listening! To every sound. He had listened ever since, and it had not come yet. The exposure of the

Assurance office; the flight of Crimple and Bullamy with the plunder, and among the rest, as he feared, with

his own bill, which he had not found in the pocketbook of the murdered man, and which with Mr Pecksniff's

money had probably been remitted to one or other of those trusty friends for safe deposit at the banker's; his

immense losses, and peril of being still called to account as a partner in the broken firm; all these things rose

in his mind at one time and always, but he could not contemplate them. He was aware of their presence, and

of the rage, discomfiture, and despair, they brought along with them; but he thoughtof his own controlling

power and direction he thoughtof the one dread question only. When they would find the body in the

He triedhe had never left off tryingnot to forget it was there, for that was impossible, but to forget to

weary himself by drawing vivid pictures of it in his fancy; by going softly about it and about it among the

leaves, approaching it nearer and nearer through a gap in the boughs, and startling the very flies that were

thickly sprinkled all over it, like heaps of dried currants. His mind was fixed and fastened on the discovery,

for intelligence of which he listened intently to every cry and shout; listened when any one came in or went

out; watched from the window the people who passed up and down the street; mistrusted his own looks and

words. And the more his thoughts were set upon the discovery, the stronger was the fascination which

attracted them to the thing itself; lying alone in the wood. He was for ever showing and presenting it, as it

were, to every creature whom he saw. 'Look here! Do you know of this? Is it found? Do you suspect ME?' If

he had been condemned to bear the body in his arms, and lay it down for recognition at the feet of every one

he met, it could not have been more constantly with him, or a cause of more monotonous and dismal

Still he was not sorry. It was no contrition or remorse for what he had done that moved him; it was nothing

but alarm for his own security. The vague consciousness he possessed of having wrecked his fortune in the

murderous venture, intensified his hatred and revenge, and made him set the greater store by what he had

gained The man was dead; nothing could undo that. He felt a triumph yet, in the reflection.

He had kept a jealous watch on Chuffey ever since the deed; seldom leaving him but on compulsion, and then

for as short intervals as possible. They were alone together now. It was twilight, and the appointed time drew

near at hand. Jonas walked up and down the room. The old man sat in his accustomed corner.

The slightest circumstance was matter of disquiet to the murderer, and he was made uneasy at this time by the

absence of his wife, who had left home early in the afternoon, and had not returned yet. No tenderness for her

was at the bottom of this; but he had a misgiving that she might have been waylaid, and tempted into saying

something that would criminate him when the news came. For anything he knew, she might have knocked at

the door of his room, while he was away, and discovered his plot. Confound her, it was like her pale face to

'She went to her good friend, Mrs Todgers,' said the old man, when he asked the question with an angry oath.

Aye! To be sure! Always stealing away into the company of that woman. She was no friend of his. Who

could tell what devil's mischief they might hatch together! Let her be fetched home directly.

The old man, muttering some words softly, rose as if he would have gone himself, but Jonas thrust him back

into his chair with an impatient imprecation, and sent a servantgirl to fetch her. When he had charged her

with her errand he walked to and fro again, and never stopped till she came back, which she did pretty soon;

She had scarcely left the room when the old clerk, who had been unusually observant of him ever since he

'Give her up!' cried the old man. 'Come! Give her up to me! Tell me what you have done with her. Quick! I

'You shall not leave me!' cried the old man. 'I am strong enough to cry out to the neighbours, and I will,

Jonas was so dismayed and consciencestricken, that he had not even hardihood enough to unclench the old

man's hands with his own; but stood looking at him as well as he could in the darkness, without moving a

'I will know what you have done with her!' retorted Chuffey. 'If you hurt a hair of her head, you shall answer

'Why, you old madman!' said Jonas, in a low voice, and with trembling lips. 'What Bedlam fit has come upon

'It is enough to make me mad, seeing what I have seen in this house!' cried Chuffey. 'Where is my dear old

master! Where is his only son that I have nursed upon my knee, a child! Where is she, she who was the last;

she that I've seen pining day by day, and heard weeping in the dead of night! She was the last, the last of all

Seeing that the tears were stealing down his face, Jonas mustered courage to unclench his hands, and push

'Did you hear me ask for her? Did you hear me send for her? How can I give you up what I haven't got, idiot!

Ecod, I'd give her up to you and welcome, if I could; and a precious pair you'd be!'

'If she has come to any harm,' cried Chuffey, 'mind! I'm old and silly; but I have my memory sometimes; and

'Devil take you,' interrupted Jonas, but in a suppressed voice still; 'what harm do you suppose she has come

to? I know no more where she is than you do; I wish I did. Wait till she comes home, and see; she can't be

'Mind!' exclaimed the old man. 'Not a hair of her head! not a hair of her head illused! I won't bear it.

IIhave borne it too long Jonas. I am silent, but III can speak. III can speak' he stammered,

as he crept back to his chair, and turned a threatening, though a feeble, look upon him.

'You can speak, can you!' thought Jonas. 'So, so, we'll stop your speaking. It's well I knew of this in good

He had made a poor show of playing the bully and evincing a desire to conciliate at the same time, but was so

afraid of the old man that great drops had started out upon his brow; and they stood there yet. His unusual

tone of voice and agitated manner had sufficiently expressed his fear; but his face would have done so now,

without that aid, as he again walked to and fro, glancing at him by the candelight.

He stopped at the window to think. An opposite shop was lighted up; and the tradesman and a customer were

reading some printed bill together across the counter. The sight brought him back, instantly, to the occupation

he had forgotten. 'Look here! Do you know of this? Is it found? Do you suspect ME?'

'A pleasant evenin',' said the voice of Mrs Gamp, 'though warm, which, bless you, Mr Chuzzlewit, we must

expect when cowcumbers is three for twopence. How does Mr Chuffey find his self tonight, sir?'

Mrs Gamp kept particularly close to the door in saying this, and curtseyed more than usual. She did not

'Get him to his room,' said Jonas, walking up to her, and speaking in her ear. 'He has been raving

'Poor sweet dear!' cried Mrs Gamp, with uncommon tenderness. 'He's all of a tremble.'

'There's my blessed old chick!' cried Mrs Gamp, in a tone that was at once soothing and encouraging. 'There's

my darlin' Mr Chuffey! Now come up to your own room, sir, and lay down on your bed a bit; for you're

ashakin' all over, as if your precious jints was hung upon wires. That's a good creetur! Come with Sairey!'

'She'll be here directly minit,' returned Mrs Gamp. 'Come with Sairey, Mr Chuffey. Come with your own

The good woman had no reference to any female in the world in promising this speedy advent of the person

for whom Mr Chuffey inquired, but merely threw it out as a means of pacifying the old man. It had its effect,

Jonas looked out of the window again. They were still reading the printed paper in the shop opposite, and a

A dispute or discussion seemed to arise among them, for they all looked up from their reading together, and

one of the three, who had been glancing over the shoulder of another, stepped back to explain or illustrate

It beat him from the window as if it had lighted on himself. As he staggered into a chair, he thought of the

change in Mrs Gamp exhibited in her newborn tenderness to her charge. Was that because it was

'Mr Chuffey is alyin' down,' said Mrs Gamp, returning, 'and much good may it do him, Mr Chuzzlewit,

'Sit down,' said Jonas, hoarsely, 'and let us get this business done. Where is the other woman?'

'That's right,' said Jonas. 'He is not fit to be left to himself. Why, he fastened on me tonight; here, upon my

coat; like a savage dog. Old as he is, and feeble as he is usually, I had some trouble to shake him off.

'That she ain't!' said Mrs Gamp; 'nor have I brought her, Mr Chuzzlewit. I've brought another, which engages

Mrs Gamp looked at him in an odd way without returning any answer, but appeared to understand the

It was extraordinary how much effort it cost Mrs Gamp to pronounce the name she was commonly so ready

with. She made some three or four gasps before she could get it out; and, when she had uttered it, pressed her

hand upon her side, and turned up her eyes, as if she were going to faint away. But, knowing her to labour

under a complication of internal disorders, which rendered a few drops of spirits indispensable at certain

times to her existence, and which came on very strong when that remedy was not at hand, Jonas merely

'Well!' he said, hastily, for he felt how incapable he was of confining his wandering attention to the subject.

Mrs Gamp replied in the affirmative, and softly discharged herself of her familiar phrase, 'Turn and turn

about; one off, one on.' But she spoke so tremulously that she felt called upon to add, 'which fiddlestrings is

'We shall not quarrel about terms. Let them be the same as they were before. Keep him close, and keep him

quiet. He must be restrained. He has got it in his head tonight that my wife's dead, and has been attacking

me as if I had killed her. It'sit's common with mad people to take the worst fancies of those they like best.

'Keep him close, then, or in one of his fits he'll be doing me a mischief. And don't trust him at any time; for

when he seems most rational, he's wildest in his talk. But that you know already. Let me see the other.'

'It is your wishes, Mr Chuzzlewit,' she said, in a sort of quavering croak, 'to see the t'other person. Is it?'

But the ghastly change in Jonas told her that the other person was already seen. Before she could look round

towards the door, she was put aside by old Martin's hand; and Chuffey and John Westlock entered with him.

'Let no one leave the house,' said Martin. 'This man is my brother's son. Illmet, illtrained, illbegotten. If

he moves from the spot on which he stands, or speaks a word above his breath to any person here, open the

'What right have you to give such directions in this house?' asked Jonas faintly.

An irrepressible exclamation burst from the lips of Jonas, as Lewsome entered at the door. It was not a groan,

or a shriek, or a word, but was wholly unlike any sound that had ever fallen on the ears of those who heard it,

while at the same time it was the most sharp and terrible expression of what was working in his guilty breast,

He had done murder for this! He had girdled himself about with perils, agonies of mind, innumerable fears,

for this! He had hidden his secret in the wood; pressed and stamped it down into the bloody ground; and here

it started up when least expected, miles upon miles away; known to many; proclaiming itself from the lips of

an old man who had renewed his strength and vigour as by a miracle, to give it voice against him!

He leaned his hand on the back of a chair, and looked at them. It was in vain to try to do so scornfully, or

with his usual insolence. He required the chair for his support. But he made a struggle for it.

'I know that fellow,' he said, fetching his breath at every word, and pointing his trembling finger towards

Lewsome. 'He's the greatest liar alive. What's his last tale? Ha, ha! You're rare fellows, too! Why, that uncle

of mine is childish; he's even a greater child than his brother, my father, was, in his old age; or than Chuffey

is. What the devil do you mean,' he added, looking fiercely at John Westlock and Mark Tapley (the latter had

entered with Lewsome), 'by coming here, and bringing two idiots and a knave with you to take my house by

'I tell you what,' cried Mr Tapley, coming forward, 'if it wasn't for your name, I'd drag you through the streets

of my own accord, and singlehanded I would! Ah, I would! Don't try and look bold at me. You can't do it!

Now go on, sir,' this was to old Martin. 'Bring the murderin' wagabond upon his knees! If he wants noise, he

shall have enough of it; for as sure as he's a shiverin' from head to foot I'll raise a uproar at this winder that

shall bring half London in. Go on, sir! Let him try me once, and see whether I'm a man of my word or not.'

With that, Mark folded his arms, and took his seat upon the window ledge, with an air of general

preparation for anything, which seemed to imply that he was equally ready to jump out himself, or to throw

Jonas out, upon receiving the slightest hint that it would be agreeable to the company.

'You need do no more than look at him to be sure of that, or of the truth of what I have said,' was the reply.

'Oh, brother!' cried old Martin, clasping his hands and lifting up his eyes. 'Oh, brother, brother! Were we

strangers half our lives that you might breed a wretch like this, and I make life a desert by withering every

flower that grew about me! Is it the natural end of your precepts and mine, that this should be the creature of

your rearing, training, teaching, hoarding, striving for; and I the means of bringing him to punishment, when

He sat down upon a chair as he spoke, and turning away his face, was silent for a few moments. Then with

'But the accursed harvest of our mistaken lives shall be trodden down. It is not too late for that. You are

confronted with this man, you monster there; not to be spared, but to be dealt with justly. Hear what he says!

Reply, be silent, contradict, repeat, defy, do what you please. My course will be the same. Go on! And you,'

'I have been silent for his love!' cried the old man. 'He urged me to it. He made me promise it upon his dying

bed. I never would have spoken, but for your finding out so much. I have thought about it ever since; I

couldn't help that; and sometimes I have had it all before me in a dream; but in the daytime, not in sleep. Is

there such a kind of dream?' said Chuffey, looking anxiously in old Martin's face.

As Martin made him an encouraging reply, he listened attentively to his voice, and smiled.

'Ah, aye!' he cried. 'He often spoke to me like that. We were at school together, he and I. I couldn't turn

'You speak so like my dear old master,' cried the old man with a childish delight, 'that I almost think I hear

him. I can hear you quite as well as I used to hear him. It makes me young again. He never spoke unkindly to

me, and I always understood him. I could always see him too, though my sight was dim. Well, well! He's

He shook his head mournfully over the brother's hand. At this moment Mark, who had been glancing out of

'I couldn't turn against his only son, you know,' said Chuffey. 'He has nearly driven me to do it sometimes; he

very nearly did tonight. Ah!' cried the old man, with a sudden recollection of the cause. 'Where is she? She's

'I have removed her. She is in my care, and will be spared the present knowledge of what is passing here. She

Jonas heard this with a sinking heart. He knew that they were on his heels, and felt that they were resolute to

run him to destruction. Inch by inch the ground beneath him was sliding from his feet; faster and faster the

encircling ruin contracted and contracted towards himself, its wicked centre, until it should close in and crush

And now he heard the voice of his accomplice stating to his face, with every circumstance of time and place

and incident; and openly proclaiming, with no reserve, suppression, passion, or concealment; all the truth.

The truth, which nothing would keep down; which blood would not smother, and earth would not hide; the

truth, whose terrible inspiration seemed to change dotards into strong men; and on whose avenging wings,

one whom he had supposed to be at the extremest corner of the earth came swooping down upon him.

He tried to deny it, but his tongue would not move. He conceived some desperate thought of rushing away,

and tearing through the streets; but his limbs would as little answer to his will as his stark, stiff staring face.

All this time the voice went slowly on, denouncing him. It was as if every drop of blood in the wood had

When it ceased, another voice took up the tale, but strangely; for the old clerk, who had watched, and listened

to the whole, and had wrung his hands from time to time, as if he knew its truth and could confirm it, broke in

'No, no, no! you're wrong; you're wrongall wrong together! Have patience, for the truth is only known to

'How can that be,' said his old master's brother, 'after what you have heard? Besides, you said just now,

abovestairs, when I told you of the accusation against him, that you knew he was his father's murderer.'

'Aye, yes! and so he was!' cried Chuffey, wildly. 'But not as you supposenot as you suppose. Stay! Give

me a moment's time. I have it all hereall here! It was foul, foul, cruel, bad; but not as you suppose. Stay,

He put his hands up to his head, as if it throbbed or pained him. After looking about him in a wandering and

vacant manner for some moments, his eyes rested upon Jonas, when they kindled up with sudden recollection

'Yes!' cried old Chuffey, 'yes! That's how it was. It's all upon me now. Hehe got up from his bed before he

died, to be sure, to say that he forgave him; and he came down with me into this room; and when he saw

himhis only son, the son he lovedhis speech forsook him; he had no speech for what he knewand no

Old Martin regarded him in amazement; so did his companions. Mrs Gamp, who had said nothing yet; but

had kept twothirds of herself behind the door, ready for escape, and onethird in the room, ready for siding

with the strongest party; came a little further in and remarked, with a sob, that Mr Chuffey was 'the sweetest

'He bought the stuff,' said Chuffey, stretching out his arm towards Jonas while an unwonted fire shone in his

eye, and lightened up his face; 'he bought the stuff, no doubt, as you have heard, and brought it home. He

mixed the stufflook at him!with some sweetmeat in a jar, exactly as the medicine for his father's cough

was mixed, and put it in a drawer; in that drawer yonder in the desk; he knows which drawer I mean! He kept

it there locked up. But his courage failed him or his heart was touchedmy God! I hope it was his heart! He

was his only son!and he did not put it in the usual place, where my old master would have taken it twenty

The trembling figure of the old man shook with the strong emotions that possessed him. But, with the same

light in his eye, and with his arm outstretched, and with his grey hair stirring on his head, he seemed to grow

in size, and was like a man inspired. Jonas shrunk from looking at him, and cowered down into the chair by

which he had held. It seemed as if this tremendous Truth could make the dumb speak.

'I know it every word now!' cried Chuffey. 'Every word! He put it in that drawer, as I have said. He went so

often there, and was so secret, that his father took notice of it; and when he was out, had it opened. We were

there together, and we found the mixtureMr Chuzzlewit and I. He took it into his possession, and made

light of it at the time; but in the night he came to my bedside, weeping, and told me that his own son had it in

his mind to poison him. "Oh, Chuff," he said, "oh, dear old Chuff! a voice came into my room tonight, and

told me that this crime began with me. It began when I taught him to be too covetous of what I have to leave,

and made the expectation of it his great business!" Those were his words; aye, they are his very words! If he

was a hard man now and then, it was for his only son. He loved his only son, and he was always good to me!'

'"He shall not weary for my death, Chuff;" that was what he said next,' pursued the old clerk, as he wiped his

eyes; 'that was what he said next, crying like a little child: "He shall not weary for my death, Chuff. He shall

have it now; he shall marry where he has a fancy, Chuff, although it don't please me; and you and I will go

away and live upon a little. I always loved him; perhaps he'll love me then. It's a dreadful thing to have my

own child thirsting for my death. But I might have known it. I have sown, and I must reap. He shall believe

that I am taking this; and when I see that he is sorry, and has all he wants, I'll tell him that I found it out, and

I'll forgive him. He'll make a better man of his own son, and be a better man himself, perhaps, Chuff!"'

Poor Chuffey paused to dry his eyes again. Old Martin's face was hidden in his hands. Jonas listened still

more keenly, and his breast heaved like a swollen water, but with hope. With growing hope.

'My dear old master made believe next day,' said Chuffey, 'that he had opened the drawer by mistake with a

key from the bunch, which happened to fit it (we had one made and hung upon it); and that he had been

surprised to find his fresh supply of cough medicine in such a place, but supposed it had been put there in a

hurry when the drawer stood open. We burnt it; but his son believed that he was taking ithe knows he did.

Once Mr Chuzzlewit, to try him, took heart to say it had a strange taste; and he got up directly, and went out.'

Jonas gave a short, dry cough; and, changing his position for an easier one, folded his arms without looking at

'Mr Chuzzlewit wrote to her father; I mean the father of the poor thing who's his wife,' said Chuffey; 'and got

him to come up, intending to hasten on the marriage. But his mind, like mine, went a little wrong through

grief, and then his heart broke. He sank and altered from the time when he came to me in the night; and never

held up his head again. It was only a few days, but he had never changed so much in twice the years. "Spare

him, Chuff!" he said, before he died. They were the only words he could speak. "Spare him, Chuff!" I

On his recollection of the last scene in his old friend's life, poor Chuffey's voice, which had grown weaker

and weaker, quite deserted him. Making a motion with his hand, as if he would have said that Anthony had

taken it, and had died with it in his, he retreated to the corner where he usually concealed his sorrows; and

Jonas could look at his company now, and vauntingly too. 'Well!' he said, after a pause. 'Are you satisfied? or

have you any more of your plots to broach? Why that fellow, Lewsome, can invent 'em for you by the score.

'Whether you are what you seemed to be at Pecksniff's, or are something else and a mountebank, I don't know

and I don't care,' said Jonas, looking downward with a smile, 'but I don't want you here. You were here so

often when your brother was alive, and were always so fond of him (your dear, dear brother, and you would

have been cuffing one another before this, ecod!), that I am not surprised at your being attached to the place;

but the place is not attached to you, and you can't leave it too soon, though you may leave it too late. And for

my wife, old man, send her home straight, or it will be the worse for her. Ha, ha! You carry it with a high

hand, too! But it isn't hanging yet for a man to keep a penn'orth of poison for his own purposes, and have it

taken from him by two old crazy jolterheads who go and act a play about it. Ha, ha! Do you see the door?'

His base triumph, struggling with his cowardice, and shame, and guilt, was so detestable, that they turned

away from him, as if he were some obscene and filthy animal, repugnant to the sight. And here that last black

crime was busy with him too; working within him to his perdition. But for that, the old clerk's story might

have touched him, though never so lightly; but for that, the sudden removal of so great a load might have

brought about some wholesome change even in him. With that deed done, however; with that unnecessary

wasteful danger haunting him; despair was in his very triumph and relief; wild, ungovernable, raging despair,

for the uselessness of the peril into which he had plunged; despair that hardened him and maddened him, and

'My good friend!' said old Martin, laying his hand on Chuffey's sleeve. 'This is no place for you to remain in.

'Just his old way!' cried Chuffey, looking up into his face. 'I almost believe it's Mr Chuzzlewit alive again.

'I can't leave her, poor thing!' said Chuffey. 'She has been very good to me. I can't leave her, Mr Chuzzlewit.

Thank you kindly. I'll remain here. I haven't long to remain; it's no great matter.'

As he meekly shook his poor, grey head, and thanked old Martin in these words, Mrs Gamp, now entirely in

'The mercy as it is!' she said, 'as sech a dear, good, reverend creetur never got into the clutches of Betsey Prig,

which but for me he would have done, undoubted; facts bein' stubborn and not easy drove!'

'You heard me speak to you just now, old man,' said Jonas to his uncle. 'I'll have no more tampering with my

'Do YOU see the door?' returned the voice of Mark, coming from that direction. 'Look at it!'

He looked, and his gaze was nailed there. Fatal, illomened blighted threshold, cursed by his father's

footsteps in his dying hour, cursed by his young wife's sorrowing tread, cursed by the daily shadow of the old

clerk's figure, cursed by the crossing of his murderer's feetwhat men were standing in the door way!

Hark! It came on, roaring like a sea! Hawkers burst into the street, crying it up and down; windows were

thrown open that the inhabitants might hear it; people stopped to listen in the road and on the pavement; the

bells, the same bells, began to ring; tumbling over one another in a dance of boisterous joy at the discovery

(that was the sound they had in his distempered thoughts), and making their airy playground rock.

Three others came in, laid hands upon him, and secured him. It was so quickly done, that he had not lost sight

'Murder,' said Nadgett, looking round on the astonished group. 'Let no one interfere.'

The sounding street repeated Murder; barbarous and dreadful Murder. Murder, Murder, Murder. Rolling on

from house to house, and echoing from stone to stone, until the voices died away into the distant hum, which

They all stood silent: listening, and gazing in each other's faces, as the noise passed on.

Old Martin was the first to speak. 'What terrible history is this?' he demanded.

'Ask HIM,' said Nadgett. 'You're his friend, sir. He can tell you, if he will. He knows more of it than I do,

'I have not been watching him so long for nothing,' returned Nadgett. 'I never watched a man so close as I

Another of the phantom forms of this terrific Truth! Another of the many shapes in which it started up about

him, out of vacancy. This man, of all men in the world, a spy upon him; this man, changing his identity;

casting off his shrinking, purblind, unobservant character, and springing up into a watchful enemy! The dead

The game was up. The race was at an end; the rope was woven for his neck. If, by a miracle, he could escape

from this strait, he had but to turn his face another way, no matter where, and there would rise some new

avenger front to front with him; some infant in an hour grown old, or old man in an hour grown young, or

blind man with his sight restored, or deaf man with his hearing given him. There was no chance. He sank

'I am not his friend, although I have the honour to be his relative,' said Mr Chuzzlewit. 'You may speak to me.

'I have watched in many places,' returned Nadgett, 'night and day. I have watched him lately, almost without

rest or relief;' his anxious face and bloodshot eyes confirmed it. 'I little thought to what my watching was to

lead. As little as he did when he slipped out in the night, dressed in those clothes which he afterwards sunk in

Jonas moved upon the ground like a man in bodily torture. He uttered a suppressed groan, as if he had been

wounded by some cruel weapon; and plucked at the iron band upon his wrists, as though (his hands being

Martin turned his scrutinizing gaze upon him. He was sitting lazily across a chair with his arms resting on the

back; eating nuts, and throwing the shells out of window as he cracked them, which he still continued to do

'Aye,' he said, with a sulky nod. 'You may deny your nephews till you die; but Chevy Slyme is Chevy Slyme

still, all the world over. Perhaps even you may feel it some disgrace to your own blood to be employed in this

'At every turn!' cried Martin. 'Self, self, self. Every one among them for himself!'

'You had better save one or two among them the trouble then and be for them as well as YOURself,' replied

his nephew. 'Look here at me! Can you see the man of your family who has more talent in his little finger

than all the rest in their united brains, dressed as a police officer without being ashamed? I took up with this

trade on purpose to shame you. I didn't think I should have to make a capture in the family, though.'

'If your debauchery, and that of your chosen friends, has really brought you to this level,' returned the old

'Don't be hard upon my chosen friends,' returned Slyme, 'for they were sometimes your chosen friends too.

Don't say you never employed my friend Tigg, for I know better. We quarrelled upon it.'

'It's well you paid him,' said his nephew, 'for it would be too late to do so now. He has given his receipt in

The old man looked at him as if he were curious to know what he meant, but scorned to prolong the

'I have always expected that he and I would be brought together again in the course of business,' said Slyme,

taking a fresh handful of nuts from his pocket; 'but I thought he would be wanted for some swindling job; it

never entered my head that I should hold a warrant for the apprehension of his murderer.'

'His or Mr Montague's,' said Nadgett. 'They are the same, I am told. I accuse him yonder of the murder of Mr

Montague, who was found last night, killed, in a wood. You will ask me why I accuse him as you have

already asked me how I know so much. I'll tell you. It can't remain a secret long.'

The ruling passion of the man expressed itself even then, in the tone of regret in which he deplored the

'I told you I had watched him,' he proceeded. 'I was instructed to do so by Mr Montague, in whose

employment I have been for some time. We had our suspicions of him; and you know what they pointed at,

for you have been discussing it since we have been waiting here, outside the room. If you care to hear, now

it's all over, in what our suspicions began, I'll tell you plainly: in a quarrel (it first came to our ears through a

hint of his own) between him and another office in which his father's life was insured, and which had so

much doubt and distrust upon the subject, that he compounded with them, and took half the money; and was

glad to do it. Bit by bit, I ferreted out more circumstances against him, and not a few. It required a little

patience, but it's my calling. I found the nurse here she is to confirm me; I found the doctor, I found the

undertaker, I found the undertaker's man. I found out how the old gentleman there, Mr Chuffey, had behaved

at the funeral; and I found out what this man,' touching Lewsome on the arm, 'had talked about in his fever. I

found out how he conducted himself before his father's death, and how since and how at the time; and writing

it all down, and putting it carefully together, made case enough for Mr Montague to tax him with the crime,

which (as he himself believed until tonight) he had committed. I was by when this was done. You see him

Oh, miserable, miserable fool! oh, insupportable, excruciating torture! To find alive and activea party to it

allthe brain and righthand of the secret he had thought to crush! In whom, though he had walled the

murdered man up, by enchantment in a rock, the story would have lived and walked abroad! He tried to stop

As he crouched upon the floor, they drew away from him as if a pestilence were in his breath. They fell off,

one by one, from that part of the room, leaving him alone upon the ground. Even those who had him in their

keeping shunned him, and (with the exception of Slyme, who was still occupied with his nuts) kept apart.

'From that garretwindow opposite,' said Nadgett, pointing across the narrow street, 'I have watched this

house and him for days and nights. From that garretwindow opposite I saw him return home, alone, from a

journey on which he had set out with Mr Montague. That was my token that Mr Montague's end was gained;

and I might rest easy on my watch, though I was not to leave it until he dismissed me. But, standing at the

door opposite, after dark that same night, I saw a countryman steal out of this house, by a side door in the

court, who had never entered it. I knew his walk, and that it was himself, disguised. I followed him

'I could not comprehend what this meant,' said Nadgett; 'but, having seen so much, I resolved to see it out,

and through. And I did. Learning, on inquiry at his house from his wife, that he was supposed to be sleeping

in the room from which I had seen him go out, and that he had given strict orders not to be disturbed, I knew

that he was coming back; and for his coming back I watched. I kept my watch in the streetin doorways,

and such placesall that night; at the same window, all next day; and when night came on again, in the street

once more. For I knew he would come back, as he had gone out, when this part of the town was empty. He

did. Early in the morning, the same countryman came creeping, creeping, creeping home.'

'Look sharp!' interposed Slyme, who had now finished his nuts. 'This is quite irregular, Mr Nadgett.'

'I kept at the window all day,' said Nadgett, without heeding him. 'I think I never closed my eyes. At night, I

saw him come out with a bundle. I followed him again. He went down the steps at London Bridge, and sunk

it in the river. I now began to entertain some serious fears, and made a communication to the Police, which

'It contained the dress I had seen him wear,' said Nadgett; 'stained with clay, and spotted with blood.

Information of the murder was received in town last night. The wearer of that dress is already known to have

been seen near the place; to have been lurking in that neighbourhood; and to have alighted from a coach

coming from that part of the country, at a time exactly tallying with the very minute when I saw him

returning home. The warrant has been out, and these officers have been with me, some hours. We chose our

'Beckoned to him,' said Mark, taking up the thread of the narrative, on hearing this allusion to himself, 'to

'That's all at present,' said Nadgett, putting up his great pocketbook, which from mere habit he had produced

when he began his revelation, and had kept in his hand all the time; 'but there is plenty more to come. You

asked me for the facts, so far I have related them, and need not detain these gentlemen any longer. Are you

'And something more,' replied that worthy, rising. 'If you walk round to the office, we shall be there as soon

The officer to whom he spoke departed for that purpose. Old Martin lingered for a few moments, as if he

would have addressed some words to Jonas; but looking round, and seeing him still seated on the floor,

rocking himself in a savage manner to and fro, took Chuffey's arm, and slowly followed Nadgett out. John

Westlock and Mark Tapley accompanied them. Mrs Gamp had tottered out first, for the better display of her

feelings, in a kind of walking swoon; for Mrs Gamp performed swoons of different sorts, upon a moderate

'Ha!' muttered Slyme, looking after them. 'Upon my soul! As insensible of being disgraced by having such a

nephew as myself, in such a situation, as he was of my being an honour and a credit to the family! That's the

return I get for having humbled my spirit such a spirit as mineto earn a livelihood, is it?'

'And such a livelihood too! When there are hundreds of men, not fit to hold a candle to me, rolling in

His eyes encountered Jonas, who looked earnestly towards him, and moved his lips as if he were whispering.

Jonas glanced at the attendant whose back was towards him, and made a clumsy motion with his bound hands

'Humph!' said Slyme, thoughtfully. 'I couldn't hope to disgrace him into anything when you have shot so far

'Go down to the door, ready for the coach. Call out when it comes. I'd rather have you there. Now then,' he

'Stop a bit,' said Slyme. 'It's not so easy when your wrists are tight together. Now then! Up! What is it?'

'There's a hundred pound in it,' said Jonas, whose words were almost unintelligible; as his face, in its pallor

'Escape's impossible,' said Jonas. 'I know it. One hundred pound for only five minutes in the next room!'

The face of his prisoner as he advanced to whisper in his ear, made him recoil involuntarily. But he stopped

and listened to him. The words were few, but his own face changed as he heard them.

'I have it about me,' said Jonas, putting his hands to his throat, as though whatever he referred to were hidden

in his neckerchief. 'How should you know of it? How could you know? A hundred pound for only five

'It would be moremore creditable to the family,' observed Slyme, with trembling lips. 'I wish you hadn't

told me half so much. Less would have served your purpose. You might have kept it to yourself.'

'A hundred pound for only five minutes in the next room! Speak!' cried Jonas, desperately.

He took the purse. Jonas, with a wild unsteady step, retreated to the door in the glass partition.

'Stop!' cried Slyme, catching at his skirts. 'I don't know about this. Yet it must end so at last. Are you guilty?'

'Will youwill you engage to say aa Prayer, now, or something of that sort?' faltered Slyme.

Slyme listened at the keyhole. After that, he crept away on tiptoe, as far off as he could; and looked awfully

towards the place. He was roused by the arrival of the coach, and their letting down the steps.

'He's getting a few things together,' he said, leaning out of window, and speaking to the two men below, who

stood in the full light of a streetlamp. 'Keep your eye upon the back, one of you, for form's sake.'

One of the men withdrew into the court. The other, seating himself self on the steps of the coach, remained in

conversation with Slyme at the window who perhaps had risen to be his superior, in virtue of his old

propensity (one so much lauded by the murdered man) of being always round the corner. A useful habit in his

Slyme looked into the room for an instant and gave his head a jerk as much as to say, 'Close at hand. I see

They looked at each other, and up and down the street. The man on the coachsteps took his hat off, and put

'I allowed him five minutes,' said Slyme. 'Time's more than up, though. I'll bring him down.'

He withdrew from the window accordingly, and walked on tiptoe to the door in the partition. He listened.

There was not a sound within. He set the candles near it, that they might shine through the glass.

It was not easy, he found, to make up his mind to the opening of the door. But he flung it wide open

suddenly, and with a noise; then retreated. After peeping in and listening again, he entered.

He started back as his eyes met those of Jonas, standing in an angle of the wall, and staring at him. His

'You're too soon,' said Jonas, with an abject whimper. 'I've not had time. I have not been able to do it. Ifive

Slyme gave him no reply, but thrusting the purse upon him and forcing it back into his pocket, called up his

He whined, and cried, and cursed, and entreated them, and struggled, and submitted, in the same breath, and

had no power to stand. They got him away and into the coach, where they put him on a seat; but he soon fell

The two men were with him. Slyme being on the box with the driver; and they let him lie. Happening to pass

a fruiterer's on their way; the door of which was open, though the shop was by this time shut; one of them

The other assented at the moment, but presently stooped down in quick alarm, and looked at the prisoner.

'Stop the coach! He has poisoned himself! The smell comes from this bottle in his hand!'

The hand had shut upon it tight. With that rigidity of grasp with which no living man, in the full strength and

They dragged him out into the dark street; but jury, judge, and hangman, could have done no more, and could

Old Martin's cherished projects, so long hidden in his own breast, so frequently in danger of abrupt disclosure

through the bursting forth of the indignation he had hoarded up during his residence with Mr Pecksniff, were

retarded, but not beyond a few hours, by the occurrences just now related. Stunned, as he had been at first by

the intelligence conveyed to him through Tom Pinch and John Westlock, of the supposed manner of his

brother's death; overwhelmed as he was by the subsequent narratives of Chuffey and Nadgett, and the forging

of that chain of circumstances ending in the death of Jonas, of which catastrophe he was immediately

informed; scattered as his purposes and hopes were for the moment, by the crowding in of all these incidents

between him and his end; still their very intensity and the tumult of their assemblage nerved him to the rapid

and unyielding execution of his scheme. In every single circumstance, whether it were cruel, cowardly, or

false, he saw the flowering of the same pregnant seed. Self; grasping, eager, narrow ranging, overreaching

self; with its long train of suspicions, lusts, deceits, and all their growing consequences; was the root of the

vile tree. Mr Pecksniff had so presented his character before the old man's eyes, that hethe good, the

tolerant, enduring Pecksniffhad become the incarnation of all selfishness and treachery; and the more

odious the shapes in which those vices ranged themselves before him now, the sterner consolation he had in

To this work he brought, not only the energy and determination natural to his character (which, as the reader

may have observed in the beginning of his or her acquaintance with this gentleman, was remarkable for the

strong development of those qualities), but all the forced and unnaturally nurtured energy consequent upon

their long suppression. And these two tides of resolution setting into one and sweeping on, became so strong

and vigorous, that, to prevent themselves from being carried away before it, Heaven knows where, was as

much as John Westlock and Mark Tapley together (though they were tolerably energetic too) could manage

He had sent for John Westlock immediately on his arrival; and John, under the conduct of Tom Pinch, had

waited on him. Having a lively recollection of Mr Tapley, he had caused that gentleman's attendance to be

secured, through John's means, without delay; and thus, as we have seen, they had all repaired together to the

City. But his grandson he had refused to see until tomorrow, when Mr Tapley was instructed to summon

him to the Temple at ten o'clock in the forenoon. Tom he would not allow to be employed in anything, lest he

should be wrongfully suspected; but he was a party to all their proceedings, and was with them until late at

nightuntil after they knew of the death of Jonas; when he went home to tell all these wonders to little Ruth,

and to prepare her for accompanying him to the Temple in the morning, agreeably to Mr Chuzzlewit's

It was characteristic of old Martin, and his looking on to something which he had distinctly before him, that

he communicated to them nothing of his intentions, beyond such hints of reprisal on Mr Pecksniff as they

gathered from the game he had played in that gentleman's house, and the brightening of his eyes whenever

his name was mentioned. Even to John Westlock, in whom he was evidently disposed to place great

confidence (which may indeed be said of every one of them), he gave no explanation whatever. He merely

requested him to return in the morning; and with this for their utmost satisfaction, they left him, when the

The events of such a day might have worn out the body and spirit of a much younger man than he, but he sat

in deep and painful meditation until the morning was bright. Nor did he even then seek any prolonged repose,

but merely slumbered in his chair, until seven o'clock, when Mr Tapley had appointed to come to him by his

'You are punctual,' said Mr Chuzzlewit, opening the door to him in reply to his light knock, which had roused

'My wishes, sir,' replied Mr Tapley, whose mind would appear from the context to have been running on the

matrimonial service, 'is to love, honour, and obey. The clock's astriking now, sir.'

'I did, sir,' returned Mark; 'and you never see a gentleman more surprised in all your born days than he was.'

'Why, sir,' said Mr Tapley, smiling, 'I should have liked to tell him a deal more, but not being able, sir, I

'But it was precious little, sir,' retorted Mr Tapley. 'There was very little respectin' you that I was able to tell

him, sir. I only mentioned my opinion that Mr Pecksniff would find himself deceived, sir, and that you would

'Well, sir,' said Mr Tapley. 'In your old opinions of each other. As to him, sir, and his opinions, I know he's a

altered man. I know it. I know'd it long afore he spoke to you t'other day, and I must say it. Nobody don't

know half as much of him as I do. Nobody can't. There was always a deal of good in him, but a little of it got

crusted over, somehow. I can't say who rolled the paste of that 'ere crust myself, but'

'But itwell! I beg your pardon, but I think it may have been you, sir. Unintentional I think it may have been

you. I don't believe that neither of you gave the other quite a fair chance. There! Now I've got rid on it,' said

Mr Tapley in a fit of desperation: 'I can't go acarryin' it about in my own mind, bustin' myself with it;

yesterday was quite long enough. It's out now. I can't help it. I'm sorry for it. Don't wisit on him, sir, that's all.'

It was clear that Mark expected to be ordered out immediately, and was quite prepared to go.

'So you think,' said Martin, 'that his old faults are, in some degree, of my creation, do you?'

'Well, sir,' retorted Mr Tapley, 'I'm werry sorry, but I can't unsay it. It's hardly fair of you, sir, to make a

ignorant man conwict himself in this way, but I DO think so. I am as respectful disposed to you, sir, as a man

The light of a faint smile seemed to break through the dull steadiness of Martin's face, as he looked

The old man, with his chin resting on his hand, paced the room twice or thrice before he added:

'He don't know what to suppose, sir, no more than myself. I told him jest wot passed yesterday, sir, and that

you had said to me, "Can you be here by seven in the morning?" and that you had said to him, through me,

"Can you be here by ten in the morning?" and that I had said "Yes" to both. That's all, sir.'

'Perhaps,' said Martin, 'he may think you are going to desert him, and to serve me?'

'I have served him in that sort of way, sir,' replied Mark, without the loss of any atom of his selfpossession;

'and we have been that sort of companions in misfortune, that my opinion is, he don't believe a word on it. No

'Will you help me to dress, and get me some breakfast from the hotel?' asked Martin.

'And byandbye,' said Martin, 'remaining in the room, as I wish you to do, will you attend to the door

'You will not find it necessary to express surprise at their appearance,' Martin suggested.

Although he pledged himself to this with perfect confidence, he was in a state of unbounded astonishment

even now. Martin appeared to observe it, and to have some sense of the ludicrous bearing of Mr Tapley under

these perplexing circumstances; for, in spite of the composure of his voice and the gravity of his face, the

same indistinct light flickered on the latter several times. Mark bestirred himself, however, to execute the

offices with which he was entrusted; and soon lost all tendency to any outward expression of his surprise, in

But when he had put Mr Chuzzlewit's clothes in good order for dressing, and when that gentleman was

dressed and sitting at his breakfast, Mr Tapley's feelings of wonder began to return upon him with great

violence; and, standing beside the old man with a napkin under his arm (it was as natural and easy to joke to

Mark to be a butler in the Temple, as it had been to volunteer as cook on board the Screw), he found it

difficult to resist the temptation of casting sidelong glances at him very often. Nay, he found it impossible;

and accordingly yielded to this impulse so often, that Martin caught him in the fact some fifty times. The

extraordinary things Mr Tapley did with his own face when any of these detections occurred; the sudden

occasions he had to rub his eyes or his nose or his chin; the look of wisdom with which he immediately

plunged into the deepest thought, or became intensely interested in the habits and customs of the flies upon

the ceiling, or the sparrows out of doors; or the overwhelming politeness with which he endeavoured to hide

his confusion by handing the muffin; may not unreasonably be assumed to have exercised the utmost power

But he sat perfectly quiet and took his breakfast at his leisure, or made a show of doing so, for he scarcely ate

or drank, and frequently lapsed into long intervals of musing. When he had finished, Mark sat down to his

breakfast at the same table; and Mr Chuzzlewit, quite silent still, walked up and down the room.

Mark cleared away in due course, and set a chair out for him, in which, as the time drew on towards ten

o'clock, he took his seat, leaning his hands upon his stick, and clenching them upon the handle, and resting

his chin on them again. All his impatience and abstraction of manner had vanished now; and as he sat there,

looking, with his keen eyes, steadily towards the door, Mark could not help thinking what a firm, square,

powerful face it was; or exulting in the thought that Mr Pecksniff, after playing a pretty long game of bowls

with its owner, seemed to be at last in a very fair way of coming in for a rubber or two.

Mark's uncertainty in respect of what was going to be done or said, and by whom to whom, would have

excited him in itself. But knowing for a certainty besides, that young Martin was coming, and in a very few

minutes must arrive, he found it by no means easy to remain quiet and silent. But, excepting that he

occasionally coughed in a hollow and unnatural manner to relieve himself, he behaved with great decorum

A knock at the door. Mr Westlock. Mr Tapley, in admitting him, raised his eyebrows to the highest possible

pitch, implying thereby that he considered himself in an unsatisfactory position. Mr Chuzzlewit received him

Mark waited at the door for Tom Pinch and his sister, who were coming up the stairs. The old man went to

meet them; took their hands in his; and kissed her on the cheek. As this looked promising, Mr Tapley smiled

Mr Chuzzlewit had resumed his chair before young Martin, who was close behind them, entered. The old

man, scarcely looking at him, pointed to a distant seat. This was less encouraging; and Mr Tapley's spirits fell

He was quickly summoned to the door by another knock. He did not start, or cry, or tumble down, at sight of

Miss Graham and Mrs Lupin, but he drew a very long breath, and came back perfectly resigned, looking on

them and on the rest with an expression which seemed to say that nothing could surprise him any more; and

The old man received Mary no less tenderly than he had received Tom Pinch's sister. A look of friendly

recognition passed between himself and Mrs Lupin, which implied the existence of a perfect understanding

between them. It engendered no astonishment in Mr Tapley; for, as he afterwards observed, he had retired

Not the least curious feature in this assemblage was, that everybody present was so much surprised and

embarrassed by the sight of everybody else, that nobody ventured to speak. Mr Chuzzlewit alone broke

The last appointed footstep sounded now upon the stairs. They all knew it. It was Mr Pecksniff's; and Mr

Pecksniff was in a hurry too, for he came bounding up with such uncommon expedition that he stumbled

'Where is my venerable friend?' he cried upon the upper landing; and then with open arms came darting in.

Old Martin merely looked at him; but Mr Pecksniff started back as if he had received the charge from an

It seemed to reassure the anxious inquirer. He clasped his hands and, looking upwards with a pious joy,

silently expressed his gratitude. He then looked round on the assembled group, and shook his head

'Oh, vermin!' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Oh, bloodsuckers! Is it not enough that you have embittered the existence of

an individual wholly unparalleled in the biographical records of amiable persons, but must you now, even

now, when he has made his election, and reposed his trust in a Numble, but at least sincere and disinterested

relative; must you now, vermin and swarmers (I regret to make use of these strong expressions, my dear sir,

but there are times when honest indignation will not be controlled), must you now, vermin and swarmers (for

I WILL repeat it), take advantage of his unprotected state, assemble round him from all quarters, as wolves

and vultures, and other animals of the feathered tribe assemble roundI will not say round carrion or a

carcass, for Mr Chuzzlewit is quite the contrarybut round their prey; their prey; to rifle and despoil;

gorging their voracious maws, and staining their offensive beaks, with every description of carnivorous

As he stopped to fetch his breath, he waved them off, in a solemn manner, with his hand.

'Horde of unnatural plunderers and robbers!' he continued; 'leave him! leave him, I say! Begone! Abscond!

You had better be off! Wander over the face of the earth, young sirs, like vagabonds as you are, and do not

presume to remain in a spot which is hallowed by the grey hairs of the patriarchal gentleman to whose

tottering limbs I have the honour to act as an unworthy, but I hope an unassuming, prop and staff. And you,

my tender sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, addressing himself in a tone of gentle remonstrance to the old man, 'how

could you ever leave me, though even for this short period! You have absented yourself, I do not doubt, upon

some act of kindness to me; bless you for it; but you must not do it; you must not be so venturesome. I should

He advanced with outstretched arms to take the old man's hand. But he had not seen how the hand clasped

and clutched the stick within its grasp. As he came smiling on, and got within his reach, old Martin, with his

burning indignation crowded into one vehement burst, and flashing out of every line and wrinkle in his face,

With such a welldirected nervous blow, that down he went, as heavily and true as if the charge of a

LifeGuardsman had tumbled him out of a saddle. And whether he was stunned by the shock, or only

confused by the wonder and novelty of this warm reception, he did not offer to get up again; but lay there,

looking about him with a disconcerted meekness in his face so enormously ridiculous, that neither Mark

Tapley nor John Westlock could repress a smile, though both were actively interposing to prevent a repetition

of the blow; which the old man's gleaming eyes and vigorous attitude seemed to render one of the most

'Drag him away! Take him out of my reach!' said Martin; 'or I can't help it. The strong restraint I have put

upon my hands has been enough to palsy them. I am not master of myself while he is within their range. Drag

Seeing that he still did not rise, Mr Tapley, without any compromise about it, actually did drag him away, and

'Hear me, rascal!' said Mr Chuzzlewit. 'I have summoned you here to witness your own work. I have

summoned you here to witness it, because I know it will be gall and wormwood to you! I have summoned

you here to witness it, because I know the sight of everybody here must be a dagger in your mean, false heart!

Mr Pecksniff had cause to stare at him, for the triumph in his face and speech and figure was a sight to stare

'Look there!' said the old man, pointing at him, and appealing to the rest. 'Look there! And thencome

hither, my dear Martinlook here! here! here!' At every repetition of the word he pressed his grandson

'The passion I felt, Martin, when I dared not do this,' he said, 'was in the blow I struck just now. Why did we

'The fault was mine no less than yours. Mark has told me so today, and I have known it long; though not so

As she trembled and was very pale, he sat her in his own chair, and stood beside it with her hand in his; and

'The curse of our house,' said the old man, looking kindly down upon her, 'has been the love of self; has ever

been the love of self. How often have I said so, when I never knew that I had wrought it upon others.'

He drew one hand through Martin's arm, and standing so, between them, proceeded thus:

'You all know how I bred this orphan up, to tend me. None of you can know by what degrees I have come to

regard her as a daughter; for she has won upon me, by her selfforgetfulness, her tenderness, her patience, all

the goodness of her nature, when Heaven is her witness that I took but little pains to draw it forth. It

blossomed without cultivation, and it ripened without heat. I cannot find it in my heart to say that I am sorry

Mr Pecksniff put his hand into his waistcoat, and slightly shook that part of him to which allusion had been

'There is a kind of selfishness,' said Martin'I have learned it in my own experience of my own

breastwhich is constantly upon the watch for selfishness in others; and holding others at a distance, by

suspicions and distrusts, wonders why they don't approach, and don't confide, and calls that selfishness in

them. Thus I once doubted those about menot without reason in the beginningand thus I once doubted

'Listen, hypocrite! Listen, smoothtongued, servile, crawling knave!' said Martin. 'Listen, you shallow dog.

What! When I was seeking him, you had already spread your nets; you were already fishing for him, were

ye? When I lay ill in this good woman's house and your meek spirit pleaded for my grandson, you had

already caught him, had ye? Counting on the restoration of the love you knew I bore him, you designed him

for one of your two daughters did ye? Or failing that, you traded in him as a speculation which at any rate

should blind me with the lustre of your charity, and found a claim upon me! Why, even then I knew you, and

'I am not angry, sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, softly. 'I can bear a great deal from you. I will never contradict you,

'Observe!' said Martin, looking round. 'I put myself in that man's hands on terms as mean and base, and as

degrading to himself, as I could render them in words. I stated them at length to him, before his own children,

syllable by syllable, as coarsely as I could, and with as much offence, and with as plain an exposition of my

contempt, as wordsnot looks and manner merelycould convey. If I had only called the angry blood into

his face, I would have wavered in my purpose. If I had only stung him into being a man for a minute I would

have abandoned it. If he had offered me one word of remonstrance, in favour of the grandson whom he

supposed I had disinherited; if he had pleaded with me, though never so faintly, against my appeal to him to

abandon him to misery and cast him from his house; I think I could have borne with him for ever afterwards.

But not a word, not a word. Pandering to the worst of human passions was the office of his nature; and

'I am not angry,' observed Mr Pecksniff. 'I am hurt, Mr Chuzzlewit; wounded in my feelings; but I am not

'Once resolved to try him, I was resolute to pursue the trial to the end; but while I was bent on fathoming the

depth of his duplicity, I made a sacred compact with myself that I would give him credit on the other side for

any latent spark of goodness, honour, forbearanceany virtuethat might glimmer in him. For first to last

there has been no such thing. Not once. He cannot say I have not given him opportunity. He cannot say I have

ever led him on. He cannot say I have not left him freely to himself in all things; or that I have not been a

passive instrument in his hands, which he might have used for good as easily as evil. Or if he can, he Lies!

'Mr Chuzzlewit,' interrupted Pecksniff, shedding tears. 'I am not angry, sir. I cannot be angry with you. But

did you never, my dear sir, express a desire that the unnatural young man who by his wicked arts has

estranged your good opinion from me, for the time being; only for the time being; that your grandson, Mr

Chuzzlewit, should be dismissed my house? Recollect yourself, my Christian friend.'

'I have said so, have I not?' retorted the old man, sternly. 'I could not tell how far your specious hypocrisy had

deceived him, knave; and knew no better way of opening his eyes than by presenting you before him in your

own servile character. Yes. I did express that desire. And you leaped to meet it; and you met it; and turning in

an instant on the hand you had licked and beslavered, as only such hounds can, you strengthened, and

Mr Pecksniff made a bow; a submissive, not to say a grovelling and an abject bow. If he had been

complimented on his practice of the loftiest virtues, he never could have bowed as he bowed then.

'The wretched man who has been murdered,' Mr Chuzzlewit went on to say; 'then passing by the name of'

'Of Tigg; brought begging messages to me on behalf of a friend of his, and an unworthy relative of mine; and

finding him a man well enough suited to my purpose, I employed him to glean some news of you, Martin, for

me. It was from him I learned that you had taken up your abode with yonder fellow. It was he, who meeting

'I little thought,' said Martin, greatly moved, 'that it had come from you; I little thought that you were

'If you had,' returned the old man, sorrowfully, 'you would have shown less knowledge of me as I seemed to

be, and as I really was. I hoped to bring you back, Martin, penitent and humbled. I hoped to distress you into

coming back to me. Much as I loved you, I had that to acknowledge which I could not reconcile it to myself

to avow, then, unless you made submission to me first. Thus it was I lost you. If I have had, indirectly, any

act or part in the fate of that unhappy man, by putting means, however small, within his reach, Heaven

forgive me! I might have known, perhaps, that he would misuse money; that it was illbestowed upon him;

and that sown by his hands it could engender mischief only. But I never thought of him at that time as having

the disposition or ability to be a serious impostor, or otherwise than as a thoughtless, idlehumoured,

dissipated spendthrift, sinning more against himself than others, and frequenting low haunts and indulging

'Beggin' your pardon, sir,' said Mr Tapley, who had Mrs Lupin on his arm by this time, quite agreeably; 'if I

may make so bold as say so, my opinion is, as you was quite correct, and that he turned out perfectly nat'ral

for all that. There's surprisin' number of men sir, who as long as they've only got their own shoes and

stockings to depend upon, will walk down hill, along the gutters quiet enough and by themselves, and not do

much harm. But set any on 'em up with a coach and horses, sir; and it's wonderful what a knowledge of

drivin' he'll show, and how he'll fill his wehicle with passengers, and start off in the middle of the road, neck

or nothing, to the Devil! Bless your heart, sir, there's ever so many Tiggs apassin' this here Templegate any

hour in the day, that only want a chance to turn out fullblown Montagues every one!'

'Your ignorance, as you call it, Mark,' said Mr Chuzzlewit, 'is wiser than some men's enlightenment, and

mine among them. You are right; not for the first time today. Now hear me out, my dears. And hear me,

you, who, if what I have been told be accurately stated, are Bankrupt in pocket no less than in good name!

'The penance I have done in this house,' said Mr Chuzzlewit, 'has earned this reflection with it constantly,

above all others. That if it had pleased Heaven to visit such infirmity on my old age as really had reduced me

to the state in which I feigned to be, I should have brought its misery upon myself. Oh, you whose wealth,

like mine, has been a source of continual unhappiness, leading you to distrust the nearest and dearest, and to

dig yourself a living grave of suspicion and reserve; take heed that, having cast off all whom you might have

bound to you, and tenderly, you do not become in your decay the instrument of such a man as this, and waken

in another world to the knowledge of such wrong as would embitter Heaven itself, if wrong or you could ever

And then he told them how he had sometimes thought, in the beginning, that love might grow up between

Mary and Martin; and how he had pleased his fancy with the picture of observing it when it was new, and

taking them to task, apart, in counterfeited doubt, and then confessing to them that it had been an object dear

to his heart; and by his sympathy with them, and generous provision for their young fortunes, establishing a

claim on their affection and regard which nothing should wither, and which should surround his old age with

means of happiness. How in the first dawn of this design, and when the pleasure of such a scheme for the

happiness of others was new and indistinct within him, Martin had come to tell him that he had already

chosen for himself; knowing that he, the old man, had some faint project on that head, but ignorant whom it

concerned. How it was little comfort to him to know that Martin had chosen Her, because the grace of his

design was lost, and because finding that she had returned his love, he tortured himself with the reflection

that they, so young, to whom he had been so kind a benefactor, were already like the world, and bent on their

own selfish, stealthy ends. How in the bitterness of this impression, and of his past experience, he had

reproached Martin so harshly (forgetting that he had never invited his confidence on such a point, and

confounding what he had meant to do with what he had done), that high words sprung up between them, and

they separated in wrath. How he loved him still, and hoped he would return. How on the night of his illness at

the Dragon, he had secretly written tenderly of him, and made him his heir, and sanctioned his marriage with

Mary; and how, after his interview with Mr Pecksniff, he had distrusted him again, and burnt the paper to

ashes, and had lain down in his bed distracted by suspicions, doubts, and regrets.

And then he told them how, resolved to probe this Pecksniff, and to prove the constancy and truth of Mary (to

himself no less than Martin), he had conceived and entered on his plan; and how, beneath her gentleness and

patience, he had softened more and more; still more and more beneath the goodness and simplicity, the

honour and the manly faith of Tom. And when he spoke of Tom, he said God bless him; and the tears were in

his eyes; for he said that Tom, mistrusted and disliked by him at first, had come like summer rain upon his

heart; and had disposed it to believe in better things. And Martin took him by the hand, and Mary too, and

John, his old friend, stoutly too; and Mark, and Mrs Lupin, and his sister, little Ruth. And peace of mind,

The old man then related how nobly Mr Pecksniff had performed the duty in which he stood indebted to

society, in the matter of Tom's dismissal; and how, having often heard disparagement of Mr Westlock from

Pecksniffian lips, and knowing him to be a friend to Tom, he had used, through his confidential agent and

solicitor, that little artifice which had kept him in readiness to receive his unknown friend in London. And he

called on Mr Pecksniff (by the name of Scoundrel) to remember that there again he had not trapped him to do

evil, but that he had done it of his own free will and agency; nay, that he had cautioned him against it. And

once again he called on Mr Pecksniff (by the name of Hangdog) to remember that when Martin coming

home at last, an altered man, had sued for the forgiveness which awaited him, he, Pecksniff, had rejected him

in language of his own, and had remorsely stepped in between him and the least touch of natural tenderness.

'For which,' said the old man, 'if the bending of my finger would remove a halter from your neck, I wouldn't

'Martin,' he added, 'your rival has not been a dangerous one, but Mrs Lupin here has played duenna for some

weeks; not so much to watch your love as to watch her lover. For that Ghoul'his fertility in finding names

for Mr Pecksniff was astonishing'would have crawled into her daily walks otherwise, and polluted the

fresh air. What's this? Her hand is trembling strangely. See if you can hold it.'

But it was good in him that even then, in his high fortune and happiness, with her lips nearly printed on his

own, and her proud young beauty in his close embrace, he had a hand still left to stretch out to Tom Pinch.

'Forgive!' cried Tom. 'I'll never forgive you as long as I live, Martin, if you say another syllable about it. Joy

Joy! There is not a blessing on earth that Tom did not wish them. There is not a blessing on earth that Tom

'I beg your pardon, sir,' said Mr Tapley, stepping forward, 'but yow was mentionin', just now, a lady of the

'It seems a'most a pity to change such a name into Tapley. Don't it, sir?' said Mark.

'Why, sir,' said Mr Tapley, retiring, with a bow, towards the buxom hostess, 'her opinion is as the name ain't a

change for the better, but the indiwidual may be, and, therefore, if nobody ain't acquainted with no jest cause

or impediment, et cetrer, the Blue Dragon will be conwerted into the Jolly Tapley. A sign of my own

The whole of these proceedings were so agreeable to Mr Pecksniff that he stood with his eyes fixed upon the

floor and his hands clasping one another alternately, as if a host of penal sentences were being passed upon

him. Not only did his figure appear to have shrunk, but his discomfiture seemed to have extended itself even

to his dress. His clothes seemed to have grown shabbier, his linen to have turned yellow, his hair to have

become lank and frowsy; his very boots looked villanous and dim, as if their gloss had departed with his own.

Feeling, rather than seeing, that the old man now pointed to the door, he raised his eyes, picked up his hat,

'Thank you. That savours,' said Mr Pecksniff, taking out his pockethandkerchief, 'of your old familiar

frankness. You have paid for it. I was about to make the remark. You have deceived me, sir. Thank you

again. I am glad of it. To see you in the possession of your health and faculties on any terms, is, in itself, a

sufficient recompense. To have been deceived implies a trusting nature. Mine is a trusting nature. I am

thankful for it. I would rather have a trusting nature, do you know, sir, than a doubting one!'

'There is hardly any person present, Mr Chuzzlewit,' said Pecksniff, 'by whom I have not been deceived. I

have forgiven those persons on the spot. That was my duty; and, of course, I have done it. Whether it was

worthy of you to partake of my hospitality, and to act the part you did act in my house, that, sir, is a question

which I leave to your own conscience. And your conscience does not acquit you. No, sir, no!'

Pronouncing these last words in a loud and solemn voice, Mr Pecksniff was not so absolutely lost in his own

fervour as to be unmindful of the expediency of getting a little nearer to the door.

'I have been struck this day,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'with a walking stick (which I have every reason to believe

has knobs upon it), on that delicate and exquisite portion of the human anatomythe brain. Several blows

have been inflicted, sir, without a walkingstick, upon that tenderer portion of my framemy heart. You

have mentioned, sir, my being bankrupt in my purse. Yes, sir, I am. By an unfortunate speculation, combined

with treachery, I find myself reduced to poverty; at a time, sir, when the child of my bosom is widowed, and

Here Mr Pecksniff wiped his eyes again, and gave himself two or three little knocks upon the breast, as if he

were answering two or three other little knocks from within, given by the tinkling hammer of his conscience,

'I know the human mind, although I trust it. That is my weakness. Do I not know, sir'here he became

exceedingly plaintive and was observed to glance towards Tom Pinch'that my misfortunes bring this

treatment on me? Do I not know, sir, that but for them I never should have heard what I have heard today?

Do I not know that in the silence and the solitude of night, a little voice will whisper in your ear, Mr

Chuzzlewit, "This was not well. This was not well, sir!" Think of this, sir (if you will have the goodness),

remote from the impulses of passion, and apart from the specialities, if I may use that strong remark, of

prejudice. And if you ever contemplate the silent tomb, sir, which you will excuse me for entertaining some

doubt of your doing, after the conduct into which you have allowed yourself to be betrayed this day; if you

ever contemplate the silent tomb sir, think of me. If you find yourself approaching to the silent tomb, sir,

think of me. If you should wish to have anything inscribed upon your silent tomb, sir, let it be, that Iah, my

remorseful sir! that Ithe humble individual who has now the honour of reproaching you, forgave you. That

I forgave you when my injuries were fresh, and when my bosom was newly wrung. It may be bitterness to

you to hear it now, sir, but you will live to seek a consolation in it. May you find a consolation in it when you

With this sublime address, Mr Pecksniff departed. But the effect of his departure was much impaired by his

being immediately afterwards run against, and nearly knocked down, by a monstrously excited little man in

velveteen shorts and a very tall hat; who came bursting up the stairs, and straight into the chambers of Mr

'Is there anybody here that knows him?' cried the little man. 'Is there anybody here that knows him? Oh, my

They looked at each other for an explanation; but nobody knew anything more than that here was an excited

little man with a very tall hat on, running in and out of the room as hard as he could go; making his single

pair of bright blue stockings appear at least a dozen; and constantly repeating in a shrill voice, 'IS there

'If your brains is not turned topjy turjey, Mr Sweedlepipes!' exclaimed another voice, 'hold that there nige of

At the same time Mrs Gamp was seen in the doorway; out of breath from coming up so many stairs, and

'Excuge the weakness of the man,' said Mrs Gamp, eyeing Mr Sweedlepipe with great indignation; 'and well I

might expect it, as I should have know'd, and wishin' he was drownded in the Thames afore I had brought

him here, which not a blessed hour ago he nearly shaved the noge off from the father of as lovely a family as

ever, Mr Chuzzlewit, was born three sets of twins, and would have done it, only he see it agoin' in the glass,

and dodged the rager. And never, Mr Sweedlepipes, I do assure you, sir, did I so well know what a misfortun

it was to be acquainted with you, as now I do, which so I say, sir, and I don't deceive you!'

'I ask your pardon, ladies and gentlemen all,' cried the little barber, taking off his hat, 'and yours too, Mrs

Gamp. Butbut,' he added this half laughing and half crying, 'IS there anybody here that knows him?'

As the barber said these words, a something in topboots, with its head bandaged up, staggered into the

room, and began going round and round and round, apparently under the impression that it was walking

'Look at him!' cried the excited little barber. 'Here he is! That'll soon wear off, and then he'll be all right

again. He's no more dead than I am. He's all alive and hearty. Aint you, Bailey?'

'Look here!' cried the little barber, laughing and crying in the same breath. 'When I steady him he comes all

right. There! He's all right now. Nothing's the matter with him now, except that he's a little shook and rather

'Rrreether shook, Pollreether so!' said Mr Bailey. 'What, my lovely Sairey! There you air!'

'What a boy he is!' cried the tenderhearted Poll, actually sobbing over him. 'I never see sech a boy! It's all

his fun. He's full of it. He shall go into the business along with me. I am determined he shall. We'll make it

Sweedlepipe and Bailey. He shall have the sporting branch (what a one he'll be for the matches!) and me the

shavin'. I'll make over the birds to him as soon as ever he's well enough. He shall have the little bullfinch in

the shop, and all. He's sech a boy! I ask your pardon, ladies and gentlemen, but I thought there might be some

Mrs Gamp had observed, not without jealousy and scorn, that a favourable impression appeared to exist in

behalf of Mr Sweedlepipe and his young friend; and that she had fallen rather into the background in

consequence. She now struggled to the front, therefore, and stated her business.

'Which, Mr Chuzzlewit,' she said, 'is well beknown to Mrs Harris as has one sweet infant (though she DO not

wish it known) in her own family by the mother's side, kep in spirits in a bottle; and that sweet babe she see at

Greenwich Fair, atravelling in company with a pinkeyed lady, Prooshan dwarf, and livin' skelinton, which

judge her feelings when the barrel organ played, and she was showed her own dear sister's child, the same not

bein' expected from the outside picter, where it was painted quite contrairy in a livin' state, a many sizes

larger, and performing beautiful upon the Arp, which never did that dear child know or do; since breathe it

never did, to speak on in this wale! And Mrs Harris, Mr Chuzzlewit, has knowed me many year, and can give

you information that the lady which is widdered can't do better and may do worse, than let me wait upon her,

'Oh!' said Mr Chuzzlewit. 'Is that your business? Was this good person paid for the trouble we gave her?'

'Then here we will close our acquaintance, Mrs Gamp,' retorted Mr Chuzzlewit. 'And Mr Sweedlepipeis

'That is my name, sir,' replied Poll, accepting with a profusion of gratitude, some chinking pieces which the

'Mr Sweedlepipe, take as much care of your ladylodger as you can, and give her a word or two of good

advice now and then. Such,' said old Martin, looking gravely at the astonished Mrs Gamp, 'as hinting at the

expediency of a little less liquor, and a little more humanity, and a little less regard for herself, and a little

more regard for her patients, and perhaps a trifle of additional honesty. Or when Mrs Gamp gets into trouble,

Mr Sweedlepipe, it had better not be at a time when I am near enough to the Old Bailey to volunteer myself

as a witness to her character. Endeavour to impress that upon her at your leisure, if you please.'

Mrs Gamp clasped her hands, turned up her eyes until they were quite invisible, threw back her bonnet for the

admission of fresh air to her heated brow; and in the act of saying faintly'Less liquor! Sairey

GampBottle on the chimneypiece, and let me put my lips to it, when I am so dispoged!'fell into one of

the walking swoons; in which pitiable state she was conducted forth by Mr Sweedlepipe, who, between his

two patients, the swooning Mrs Gamp and the revolving Bailey, had enough to do, poor fellow.

The old man looked about him, with a smile, until his eyes rested on Tom Pinch's sister; when he smiled the

'We will all dine here together,' he said; 'and as you and Mary have enough to talk of, Martin, you shall keep

house for us until the afternoon, with Mr and Mrs Tapley. I must see your lodgings in the meanwhile, Tom.'

'Thank you, my love,' said Mr Chuzzlewit. 'But I am afraid I must take Tom a little out of the way, on

'But not alone,' said Martin, 'not alone. Mr Westlock, I dare say, will escort you.'

Why, of course he would: what else had Mr Westlock in his mind? How dull these old men are!

So they went off arminarm. When Tom and Mr Chuzzlewit went off arminarm a few minutes after

them, the latter was still smiling; and really, for a gentleman of his habits, in rather a knowing manner.

Brilliantly the Temple Fountain sparkled in the sun, and laughingly its liquid music played, and merrily the

idle drops of water danced and danced, and peeping out in sport among the trees, plunged lightly down to

And why they came toward the Fountain at all is a mystery; for they had no business there. It was not in their

way. It was quite out of their way. They had no more to do with the Fountain, bless you, than they had

It was all very well for Tom and his sister to make appointments by the Fountain, but that was quite another

affair. Because, of course, when she had to wait a minute or two, it would have been very awkward for her to

have had to wait in any but a tolerably quiet spot; but that was as quiet a spot, everything considered, as they

could choose. But when she had John Westlock to take care of her, and was going home with her arm in his

(home being in a different direction altogether), their coming anywhere near that Fountain was quite

However, there they found themselves. And another extraordinary part of the matter was, that they seemed to

have come there, by a silent understanding. Yet when they got there, they were a little confused by being

there, which was the strangest part of all; because there is nothing naturally confusing in a Fountain. We all

They came to a stop when John began to praise it. The day was exquisite; and stopping at all, it was quite

naturalnothing could be more sothat they should glance down Garden Court; because Garden Court

ends in the Garden, and the Garden ends in the River, and that glimpse is very bright and fresh and shining on

a summer's day. Then, oh, little Ruth, why not look boldly at it! Why fit that tiny, precious, blessed little foot

into the cracked corner of an insensible old flagstone in the pavement; and be so very anxious to adjust it to a

If the Fieryfaced matron in the crunched bonnet could have seen them as they walked away, how many

years' purchase might Fiery Face have been disposed to take for her situation in Furnival's Inn as laundress to

They went away, but not through London's streets! Through some enchanted city, where the pavements were

of air; where all the rough sounds of a stirring town were softened into gentle music; where everything was

happy; where there was no distance, and no time. There were two goodtempered burly draymen letting

down big butts of beer into a cellar, somewhere; and when John helped heralmost lifted herthe lightest,

easiest, neatest thing you ever saw across the rope, they said he owed them a good turn for giving him the

Green pastures in the summer tide, deeplittered straw yards in the winter, no start of corn and clover, ever,

to that noble horse who WOULD dance on the pavement with a gig behind him, and who frightened her, and

made her clasp his arm with both hands (both hands meeting one upon the another so endearingly!), and

caused her to implore him to take refuge in the pastrycook's, and afterwards to peep out at the door so

shrinkingly; and then, looking at him with those eyes, to ask him was he surenow was he surethey

might go safely on! Oh for a string of rampant horses! For a lion, for a bear, for a mad bull, for anything to

They talked, of course. They talked of Tom, and all these changes and the attachment Mr Chuzzlewit had

conceived for him, and the bright prospects he had in such a friend, and a great deal more to the same

purpose. The more they talked, the more afraid this fluttering little Ruth became of any pause; and sooner

than have a pause she would say the same things over again; and if she hadn't courage or presence of mind

enough for that (to say the truth she very seldom had), she was ten thousand times more charming and

She supposed he would. Never did a bewitching little woman suppose anything in such a faint voice as Ruth

But seeing that another of those alarming pauses was approaching, she remarked that he would have a

'Rather say already pleased,' said John. 'I have scarcely seen her. I had no care to see her. I had no eyes for

It was well they had reached their destination. She never could have gone any further. It would have been

Tom had not come in. They entered the triangular parlour together, and alone. Fiery Face, Fiery Face, how

She sat down on the little sofa, and untied her bonnetstrings. He sat down by her side, and very near her;

very, very near her. Oh rapid, swelling, bursting little heart, you knew that it would come to this, and hoped it

'Dear Ruth! Sweet Ruth! If I had loved you less, I could have told you that I loved you, long ago. I have loved

you from the first. There never was a creature in the world more truly loved than you, dear Ruth, by me!'

She clasped her little hands before her face. The gushing tears of joy, and pride, and hope, and innocent

affection, would not be restrained. Fresh from her full young heart they came to answer him.

'My dear love! If this isI almost dare to hope it is, nownot painful or distressing to you, you make me

happier than I can tell, or you imagine. Darling Ruth! My own good, gentle, winning Ruth! I hope I know the

value of your heart, I hope I know the worth of your angel nature. Let me try and show you that I do; and you

'Not happier,' she sobbed, 'than you make me. No one can be happier, John, than you make me!'

Fiery Face, provide yourself! The usual wages or the usual warning. It's all over, Fiery Face. We needn't

The little hands could meet each other now, without a rampant horse to urge them. There was no occasion for

lions, bears, or mad bulls. It could all be done, and infinitely better, without their assistance. No burly

drayman or big butts of beer, were wanted for apologies. No apology at all was wanted. The soft light touch

fell coyly, but quite naturally, upon the lover's shoulder; the delicate waist, the drooping head, the blushing

cheek, the beautiful eyes, the exquisite mouth itself, were all as natural as possible. If all the horses in Araby

Ruth drew the little hands a little tighter when he said it, and looked up seriously into his face.

'I am never to leave him, AM I, dear? I could never leave Tom. I am sure you know that.'

'I am sure you never would,' she answered, the bright tears standing in her eyes.

'And I will swear it, Ruth, my darling, if you please. Leave Tom! That would be a strange beginning. Leave

Tom, dear! If Tom and we be not inseparable, and Tom (God bless him) have not all honour and all love in

our home, my little wife, may that home never be! And that's a strong oath, Ruth.'

Shall it be recorded how she thanked him? Yes, it shall. In all simplicity and innocence and purity of heart,

yet with a timid, graceful, halfdetermined hesitation, she set a little rosy seal upon the vow, whose colour

was reflected in her face, and flashed up to the braiding of her dark brown hair.

'Tom will be so happy, and so proud, and glad,' she said, clasping her little hands. 'But so surprised! I am sure

Of course John asked her immediatelybecause you know they were in that foolish state when great

allowances must be madewhen SHE had begun to think of such a thing, and this made a little diversion in

their talk; a charming diversion to them, but not so interesting to us; at the end of which, they came back to

'Ah! dear Tom!' said Ruth. 'I suppose I ought to tell you everything now. I should have no secrets from you.

It is of no use saying how that preposterous John answered her, because he answered in a manner which is

untranslatable on paper though highly satisfactory in itself. But what he conveyed was, No no no, sweet Ruth;

Then she told him Tom's great secret; not exactly saying how she had found it out, but leaving him to

understand it if he liked; and John was sadly grieved to hear it, and was full of sympathy and sorrow. But

they would try, he said, only the more, on this account to make him happy, and to beguile him with his

favourite pursuits. And then, in all the confidence of such a time, he told her how he had a capital opportunity

of establishing himself in his old profession in the country; and how he had been thinking, in the event of that

happiness coming upon him which had actually comethere was another slight diversion herehow he had

been thinking that it would afford occupation to Tom, and enable them to live together in the easiest manner,

without any sense of dependence on Tom's part; and to be as happy as the day was long. And Ruth receiving

this with joy, they went on catering for Tom to that extent that they had already purchased him a select library

and built him an organ, on which he was performing with the greatest satisfaction, when they heard him

Though she longed to tell him what had happened, poor little Ruth was greatly agitated by his arrival; the

more so because she knew that Mr Chuzzlewit was with him. So she said, all in a tremble:

'What shall I do, dear John! I can't bear that he should hear it from any one but me, and I could not tell him,

'Do, my love,' said John, 'whatever is natural to you on the impulse of the moment, and I am sure it will be

He had hardly time to say thus much, and Ruth had hardly time to just to get a little farther offupon the

sofa, when Tom and Mr Chuzzlewit came in. Mr Chuzzlewit came first, and Tom was a few seconds behind

Now Ruth had hastily resolved that she would beckon Tom upstairs after a short time, and would tell him in

his little bedroom. But when she saw his dear old face come in, her heart was so touched that she ran into his

arms, and laid her head down on his breast and sobbed out, 'Bless me, Tom! My dearest brother!'

Tom looked up, in surprise, and saw John Westlock close beside him, holding out his hand.

Tom wrung it with all his force, embraced his sister fervently, and put her in John Westlock's arms.

'Don't speak to me, John. Heaven is very good to us. I' Tom could find no further utterance, but left the

And when they came back, which they did byandbye, she looked more beautiful, and Tom more good and

true (if that were possible) than ever. And though Tom could not speak upon the subject even now; being yet

too newly glad, he put both his hands in both of John's with emphasis sufficient for the best speech ever

'I am glad you chose today,' said Mr Chuzzlewit to John; with the same knowing smile as when they had left

him. 'I thought you would. I hoped Tom and I lingered behind a discreet time. It's so long since I had any

'Your knowledge is still pretty accurate, sir,' returned John, laughing, 'if it led you to foresee what would

'Why, I am not sure, Mr Westlock,' said the old man, 'that any great spirit of prophecy was needed, after

seeing you and Ruth together. Come hither, pretty one. See what Tom and I purchased this morning, while

The old man's way of seating her beside him, and humouring his voice as if she were a child, was whimsical

'See here!' he said, taking a case from his pocket, 'what a beautiful necklace. Ah! How it glitters! Earrings,

too, and bracelets, and a zone for your waist. This set is yours, and Mary has another like it. Tom couldn't

understand why I wanted two. What a shortsighted Tom! Earrings and bracelets, and a zone for your waist!

Ah! Beautiful! Let us see how brave they look. Ask Mr Westlock to clasp them on.'

It was the prettiest thing to see her holding out her round, white arm; and John (oh deep, deep John!)

pretending that the bracelet was very hard to fasten; it was the prettiest thing to see her girding on the

precious little zone, and yet obliged to have assistance because her fingers were in such terrible perplexity; it

was the prettiest thing to see her so confused and bashful, with the smiles and blushes playing brightly on her

face, like the sparkling light upon the jewels; it was the prettiest thing that you would see, in the common

'The set of jewels and the wearer are so well matched,' said the old man, 'that I don't know which becomes the

other most. Mr Westlock could tell me, I have no doubt, but I'll not ask him, for he is bribed. Health to wear

them, my dear, and happiness to make you forgetful of them, except as a remembrance from a loving friend!'

'I must play the part of a father here, Tom, also. There are not many fathers who marry two such daughters on

the same day; but we will overlook the improbability for the gratification of an old man's fancy. I may claim

that much indulgence,' he added, 'for I have gratified few fancies enough in my life tending to the happiness

These various proceedings had occupied so much time, and they fell into such a pleasant conversation now,

that it was within a quarter of an hour of the time appointed for dinner before any of them thought about it. A

hackneycoach soon carried them to the Temple, however; and there they found everything prepared for their

Mr Tapley having been furnished with unlimited credentials relative to the ordering of dinner, had so exerted

himself for the honour of the party, that a prodigious banquet was served, under the joint direction of himself

and his Intended. Mr Chuzzlewit would have had them of the party, and Martin urgently seconded his wish,

but Mark could by no means be persuaded to sit down at table; observing, that in having the honour of

attending to their comforts, he felt himself, indeed, the landlord of the Jolly Tapley, and could almost delude

himself into the belief that the entertainment was actually being held under the Jolly Tapley's roof.

For the better encouragement of himself in this fable, Mr Tapley took it upon him to issue divers general

directions to the waiters from the hotel, relative to the disposal of the dishes and so forth; and as they were

usually in direct opposition to all precedent, and were always issued in his most facetious form of thought

and speech, they occasioned great merriment among those attendants; in which Mr Tapley participated, with

an infinite enjoyment of his own humour. He likewise entertained them with short anecdotes of his travels

appropriate to the occasion; and now and then with some comic passage or other between himself and Mrs

Lupin; so that explosive laughs were constantly issuing from the sideboard, and from the backs of chairs;

and the headwaiter (who wore powder, and knee smalls, and was usually a grave man) got to be a bright

Young Martin sat at the head of the table, and Tom Pinch at the foot; and if there were a genial face at that

board, it was Tom's. They all took their tone from Tom. Everybody drank to him, everybody looked to him,

everybody thought of him, everybody loved him. If he so much as laid down his knife and fork, somebody

put out a hand to shake with him. Martin and Mary had taken him aside before dinner, and spoken to him so

heartily of the time to come, laying such fervent stress upon the trust they had in his completion of their

felicity, by his society and closest friendship, that Tom was positively moved to tears. He couldn't bear it. His

heart was full, he said, of happiness. And so it was. Tom spoke the honest truth. It was. Large as thy heart

was, dear Tom Pinch, it had no room that day for anything but happiness and sympathy!

And there was Fips, old Fips of Austin Friars, present at the dinner, and turning out to be the jolliest old dog

that ever did violence to his convivial sentiments by shutting himself up in a dark office. 'Where is he?' said

Fips, when he came in. And then he pounced on Tom, and told him that he wanted to relieve himself of all

his old constraint; and in the first place shook him by one hand, and in the second place shook him by the

other, and in the third place nudged him in the waistcoat, and in the fourth place said, 'How are you?' and in a

great many other places did a great many other things to show his friendliness and joy. And he sang songs,

did Fips; and made speeches, did Fips; and knocked off his wine pretty handsomely, did Fips; and in short, he

But ah! the happiness of strolling home at nightobstinate little Ruth, she wouldn't hear of riding!as they

had done on that dear night, from Furnival's Inn! The happiness of being able to talk about it, and to confide

their happiness to each other! The happiness of stating all their little plans to Tom, and seeing his bright face

When they reached home, Tom left John and his sister in the parlour, and went upstairs into his own room,

under pretence of seeking a book. And Tom actually winked to himself when he got upstairs; he thought it

'They like to be by themselves, of course,' said Tom; 'and I came away so naturally, that I have no doubt they

'Don't leave us, Tom. Don't sit by yourself. We want to make you merry; not melancholy.'

'My dear brother,' said Tom; 'there is no danger of my being melancholy, how can I be melancholy, when I

know that you and Ruth are so blest in each other! I think I can find my tongue tonight, John,' he added, after

a moment's pause. 'But I never can tell you what unutterable joy this day has given me. It would be unjust to

you to speak of your having chosen a portionless girl, for I feel that you know her worth; I am sure you know

'Which money would, Tom,' he returned. 'Her worth! Oh, who could see her here, and not love her! Who

could know her, Tom, and not honour her! Who could ever stand possessed of such a heart as hers, and grow

indifferent to the treasure! Who could feel the rapture that I feel today, and love as I love her, Tom, without

knowing something of her worth! Your joy unutterable! No, no, Tom. It's mine, it's mine.

Their friendly contention was brought to a close by little Ruth herself, who came peeping in at the door. And

oh, the look, the glorious, halfproud, halftimid look she gave Tom, when her lover drew her to his side! As

much as to say, 'Yes, indeed, Tom, he will do it. But then he has a right, you know. Because I AM fond of

As to Tom, he was perfectly delighted. He could have sat and looked at them, just as they were, for hours.

'I have told Tom, love, as we agreed, that we are not going to permit him to run away, and that we cannot

possibly allow it. The loss of one person, and such a person as Tom, too, out of our small household of three,

is not to be endured; and so I have told him. Whether he is considerate, or whether he is only selfish, I don't

know. But he needn't be considerate, for he is not the least restraint upon us. Is he, dearest Ruth?'

Well! He really did not seem to be any particular restraint upon them. Judging from what ensued.

Was it folly in Tom to be so pleased by their remembrance of him at such a time? Was their graceful love a

folly, were their dear caresses follies, was their lengthened parting folly? Was it folly in him to watch her

window from the street, and rate its scantiest gleam of light above all diamonds; folly in her to breathe his

name upon her knees, and pour out her pure heart before that Being from whom such hearts and such

If these be follies, then Fiery Face go on and prosper! If they be not, then Fiery Face avaunt! But set the

crunched bonnet at some other single gentleman, in any case, for one is lost to thee for ever!

Todger's was in high feather, and mighty preparations for a late breakfast were astir in its commercial

bowers. The blissful morning had arrived when Miss Pecksniff was to be united in holy matrimony, to

Miss Pecksniff was in a frame of mind equally becoming to herself and the occasion. She was full of

clemency and conciliation. She had laid in several caldrons of live coals, and was prepared to heap them on

the heads of her enemies. She bore no spite nor malice in her heart. Not the least.

Quarrels, Miss Pecksniff said, were dreadful things in families; and though she never could forgive her dear

papa, she was willing to receive her other relations. They had been separated, she observed, too long. It was

enough to call down a judgment upon the family. She believed the death of Jonas WAS a judgment on them

for their internal dissensions. And Miss Pecksniff was confirmed in this belief, by the lightness with which

By way of doing sacrificenot in triumph; not, of course, in triumph, but in humiliation of spiritthis

amiable young person wrote, therefore, to her kinswoman of the strong mind, and informed her that her

nuptials would take place on such a day. That she had been much hurt by the unnatural conduct of herself and

daughters, and hoped they might not have suffered in their consciences. That, being desirous to forgive her

enemies, and make her peace with the world before entering into the most solemn of covenants with the most

devoted of men, she now held out the hand of friendship. That if the strongminded women took that hand, in

the temper in which it was extended to her, she, Miss Pecksniff, did invite her to be present at the ceremony

of her marriage, and did furthermore invite the three rednosed spinsters, her daughters (but Miss Pecksniff

The strongminded women returned for answer, that herself and daughters were, as regarded their

consciences, in the enjoyment of robust health, which she knew Miss Pecksniff would be glad to hear. That

she had received Miss Pecksniff's note with unalloyed delight, because she never had attached the least

importance to the paltry and insignificant jealousies with which herself and circle had been assailed;

otherwise than as she had found them, in the contemplation, a harmless source of innocent mirth. That she

would joyfully attend Miss Pecksniff's bridal; and that her three dear daughters would be happy to assist, on

so interesting, and SO VERY UNEXPECTEDwhich the strongminded woman underlinedSO VERY

On the receipt of this gracious reply, Miss Pecksniff extended her forgiveness and her invitations to Mr and

Mrs Spottletoe; to Mr George Chuzzlewit the bachelor cousin; to the solitary female who usually had the

toothache; and to the hairy young gentleman with the outline of a face; surviving remnants of the party that

had once assembled in Mr Pecksniff's parlour. After which Miss Pecksniff remarked that there was a

The wedding guests had not yet assembled, and indeed it was so early that Miss Pecksniff herself was in the

act of dressing at her leisure, when a carriage stopped near the Monument; and Mark, dismounting from the

rumble, assisted Mr Chuzzlewit to alight. The carriage remained in waiting; so did Mr Tapley. Mr Chuzzlewit

He was shown, by the degenerate successor of Mr Bailey, into the diningparlour; wherefor his visit was

Mrs Todgers, who was greatly flurried by the preparations, replied in the affirmative.

'It goes against my wishes to have it in progress just now, I assure you, sir,' said Mrs Todgers; 'but Miss

Pecksniff's mind was set upon it, and it really is time that Miss Pecksniff was married. That cannot be denied,

'No,' said Mr Chuzzlewit, 'assuredly not. Her sister takes no part in the proceedings?'

'Oh, dear no, sir. Poor thing!' said Mrs Todgers, shaking her head, and dropping her voice. 'Since she has

Mrs Todgers conducted him into the little back chamber commanding the prospect of the cistern; and there,

sadly different from when it had first been her lodging, sat poor Merry, in mourning weeds. The room looked

very dark and sorrowful; and so did she; but she had one friend beside her, faithful to the last. Old Chuffey.

When Mr Chuzzlewit sat down at her side, she took his hand and put it to her lips. She was in great grief. He

too was agitated; for he had not seen her since their parting in the churchyard.

'I judged you hastily,' he said, in a low voice. 'I fear I judged you cruelly. Let me know that I have your

She kissed his hand again; and retaining it in hers, thanked him in a broken voice, for all his kindness to her

'Tom Pinch,' said Martin, 'has faithfully related to me all that you desired him to convey; at a time when he

deemed it very improbable that he would ever have an opportunity of delivering your message. Believe me,

that if I ever deal again with an illadvised and unawakened nature, hiding the strength it thinks its weakness,

'You had for me; even for me,' she answered. 'I quite believe it. I said the words you have repeated, when my

distress was very sharp and hard to bear; I say them now for others; but I cannot urge them for myself. You

spoke to me after you had seen and watched me day by day. There was great consideration in that. You might

have spoken, perhaps, more kindly; you might have tried to invite my confidence by greater gentleness; but

'How can I hope,' she said, 'that your interposition would have prevailed with me, when I know how obdurate

I was! I never thought at all; dear Mr Chuzzlewit, I never thought at all; I had no thought, no heart, no care to

find one; at that time. It has grown out of my trouble. I have felt it in my trouble. I wouldn't recall my trouble

such as it is and has beenand it is light in comparison with trials which hundreds of good people suffer

every day, I know I wouldn't recall it tomorrow, if I could. It has been my friend, for without it no one

could have changed me; nothing could have changed me. Do not mistrust me because of these tears; I cannot

'And so do I!' said Mr Chuzzlewit. 'Now, attend to me, my dear. Your late husband's estate, if not wasted by

the confession of a large debt to the broken office (which document, being useless to the runaways, has been

sent over to England by them; not so much for the sake of the creditors as for the gratification of their dislike

to him, whom they suppose to be still living), will be seized upon by law; for it is not exempt, as I learn, from

the claims of those who have suffered by the fraud in which he was engaged. Your father's property was all,

or nearly all, embarked in the same transaction. If there be any left, it will be seized on, in like manner. There

'I couldn't return to him,' she said, with an instinctive reference to his having forced her marriage on. 'I could

'I know it,' Mr Chuzzlewit resumed; 'and I am here because I know it. Come with me! From all who are about

me, you are certain (I have ascertained it) of a generous welcome. But until your health is reestablished, and

you are sufficiently composed to bear that welcome, you shall have your abode in any quiet retreat of your

own choosing, near London; not so far removed but that this kindhearted lady may still visit you as often as

she pleases. You have suffered much; but you are young, and have a brighter and a better future stretching

out before you. Come with me. Your sister is careless of you, I know. She hurries on and publishes her

marriage, in a spirit which (to say no more of it) is barely decent, is unsisterly, and bad. Leave the house

before her guests arrive. She means to give you pain. Spare her the offence, and come with me!'

Mrs Todgers, though most unwilling to part with her, added her persuasions. Even poor old Chuffey (of

course included in the project) added his. She hurriedly attired herself, and was ready to depart, when Miss

Miss Pecksniff dashed in so suddenly, that she was placed in an embarrassing position. For though she had

completed her bridal toilette as to her head, on which she wore a bridal bonnet with orange flowers, she had

not completed it as to her skirts, which displayed no choicer decoration than a dimity bedgown. She had

dashed in, in fact, about halfway through, to console her sister, in her affliction, with a sight of the aforesaid

bonnet; and being quite unconscious of the presence of a visitor, until she found Mr Chuzzlewit standing face

'So, young lady!' said the old man, eyeing her with strong disfavour. 'You are to be married today!'

'Yes, sir,' returned Miss Pecksniff, modestly. 'I am. Imy dress is ratherreally, Mrs Todgers!'

'Your delicacy,' said old Martin, 'is troubled, I perceive. I am not surprised to find it so. You have chosen the

'I beg your pardon, Mr Chuzzlewit,' retorted Cherry; very red and angry in a moment; 'but if you have

anything to say on that subject, I must beg to refer you to Augustus. You will scarcely think it manly, I hope,

to force an argument on me, when Augustus is at all times ready to discuss it with you. I have nothing to do

with any deceptions that may have been practiced on my parent,' said Miss Pecksniff, pointedly; 'and as I

wish to be on good terms with everybody at such a time, I should have been glad if you would have favoured

us with your company at breakfast. But I will not ask you as it is; seeing that you have been prepossessed and

set against me in another quarter. I hope I have my natural affections for another quarter, and my natural pity

for another quarter; but I cannot always submit to be subservient to it, Mr Chuzzlewit. That would be a little

too much. I trust I have more respect for myself, as well as for the man who claims me as his Bride.'

'Your sister, meetingas I think; not as she says, for she has said nothing about itwith little consideration

'I am very happy to find that she has some good fortune at last,' returned Miss Pecksniff, tossing her head. 'I

congratulate her, I am sure. I am not surprised that this event should be painful to herpainful to herbut I

'Come, Miss Pecksniff!' said the old man, quietly. 'I should like to see a better parting between you. I should

like to see a better parting on your side, in such circumstances. It would make me your friend. You may want

'Every relation of life, Mr Chuzzlewit, begging your pardon; and every friend in life,' returned Miss

Pecksniff, with dignity, 'is now bound up and cemented in Augustus. So long as Augustus is my own, I

cannot want a friend. When you speak of friends, sir, I must beg, once for all, to refer you to Augustus. That

is my impression of the religious ceremony in which I am so soon to take a part at that altar to which

Augustus will conduct me. I bear no malice at any time, much less in a moment of triumph, towards any one;

much less towards my sister. On the contrary, I congratulate her. If you didn't hear me say so, I am not to

blame. And as I owe it to Augustus, to be punctual on an occasion when he may naturally be supposed to

After these words the bridal bonnet disappeared; with as much state as the dimity bedgown left in it.

Old Martin gave his arm to the younger sister without speaking; and led her out. Mrs Todgers, with her

holiday garments fluttering in the wind, accompanied them to the carriage, clung round Merry's neck at

parting, and ran back to her own dingy house, crying the whole way. She had a lean, lank body, Mrs Todgers,

but a wellconditioned soul within. Perhaps the good Samaritan was lean and lank, and found it hard to live.

Mr Chuzzlewit followed her so closely with his eyes, that, until she had shut her own door, they did not

'The wonderfulest ewent, sir!' returned Mark, pumping at his voice in a most laborious manner, and hardly

able to articulate with all his efforts. 'A coincidence as never was equalled! I'm blessed if here ain't two old

'I was awalkin' up and down not five yards from this spot,' said Mr Tapley, breathless, 'and they come upon

me like their own ghosts, as I thought they was! It's the wonderfulest ewent that ever happened. Bring a

'What do you mean!' exclaimed old Martin, quite as much excited by the spectacle of Mark's excitement as

'Here, sir!' replied Mr Tapley. 'Here in the city of London! Here upon these very stones! Here they are, sir!

With which ejaculations Mr Tapley not only pointed to a decent looking man and woman standing by, but

'Neighbours, WHERE? old Martin shouted; almost maddened by his ineffectual efforts to get out at the

'Neighbours in America! Neighbours in Eden!' cried Mark. 'Neighbours in the swamp, neighbours in the

bush, neighbours in the fever. Didn't she nurse us! Didn't he help us! Shouldn't we both have died without

'em! Haven't they come astrugglin' back, without a single child for their consolation! And talk to me of

Away he went again, in a perfectly wild state, hugging them, and skipping round them, and cutting in

Mr Chuzzlewit no sooner gathered who these people were, than he burst open the coachdoor somehow or

other, and came tumbling out among them; and as if the lunacy of Mr Tapley were contagious, he

immediately began to shake hands too, and exhibit every demonstration of the liveliest joy.

'Get up, behind!' he said. 'Get up in the rumble. Come along with me! Go you on the box, Mark. Home!

'Home!' cried Mr Tapley, seizing the old man's hand in a burst of enthusiasm. 'Exactly my opinion, sir. Home

for ever! Excuse the liberty, sir, I can't help it. Success to the Jolly Tapley! There's nothin' in the house they

Home they rolled accordingly, when he had got the old man in again, as fast as they could go; Mark abating

nothing of his fervour by the way, by allowing it to vent itself as unrestrainedly as if he had been on Salisbury

And now the wedding party began to assemble at Todgers's. Mr Jinkins, the only boarder invited, was on the

ground first. He wore a white favour in his buttonhole, and a bran new extra super doublemilled blue

saxony dress coat (that was its description in the bill), with a variety of tortuous embellishments about the

pockets, invented by the artist to do honour to the day. The miserable Augustus no longer felt strongly even

on the subject of Jinkins. He hadn't strength of mind enough to do it. 'Let him come!' he had said, in answer

to Miss Pecksniff, when she urged the point. 'Let him come! He has ever been my rock ahead through life.

Jinkins had come with all the pleasure in life, and there he was. For some few minutes he had no companion

but the breakfast, which was set forth in the drawingroom, with unusual taste and ceremony. But Mrs

Todgers soon joined him; and the bachelor cousin, the hairy young gentleman, and Mr and Mrs Spottletoe,

Mr Spottletoe honoured Jinkins with an encouraging bow. 'Glad to know you, sir,' he said. 'Give you joy!'

Mr Jinkins explained. He was merely doing the honours for his friend Moddle, who had ceased to reside in

'Upon my soul!' cried Spottletoe. 'He begins well! Upon my life and honour this young man begins well! But

I should very much like to know how it is that every one who comes into contact with this family is guilty of

The nephew with the outline of a countenance, suggested that perhaps he had ordered a new pair of boots,

'Don't talk to me of Boots, sir!' retorted Spottletoe, with immense indignation. 'He is bound to come here in

his slippers then; he is bound to come here barefoot. Don't offer such a wretched and evasive plea to me on

The door was thrown open at this juncture, and Miss Pecksniff entered, tottering, and supported by her three

bridesmaids. The strongminded woman brought up the rear; having waited outside until now, for the

'How do you do, ma'am!' said Spottletoe to the strongminded woman in a tone of defiance. 'I believe you

The strongminded woman with an air of great interest in Mrs Spottletoe's health, regretted that she was not

'Mrs Spottletoe is at least more easily seen than the bridegroom, ma'am,' returned that lady's husband. 'That

is, unless he has confined his attentions to any particular part or branch of this family, which would be quite

'Pray,' interposed Miss Pecksniff, 'do not allow Augustus, at this awful moment of his life and mine, to be the

means of disturbing that harmony which it is ever Augustus's and my wish to maintain. Augustus has not

'Why, then, I venture to assert,' cried Mr Spottletoe, 'that the man who aspires to join this family, and "prefers

not" to be introduced to its members, is an impertinent Puppy. That is my opinion of HIM!'

The strongminded woman remarked with great suavity, that she was afraid he must be. Her three daughters

'You do not know Augustus,' said Miss Pecksniff, tearfully, 'indeed you do not know him. Augustus is all

mildness and humility. Wait till you see Augustus, and I am sure he will conciliate your affections.'

'The question arises,' said Spottletoe, folding his arms: 'How long we are to wait. I am not accustomed to

'Mrs Todgers!' said Charity, 'Mr Jinkins! I am afraid there must be some mistake. I think Augustus must have

As such a thing was possible, and the church was close at hand, Mr Jinkins ran off to see, accompanied by Mr

George Chuzzlewit the bachelor cousin, who preferred anything to the aggravation of sitting near the

breakfast, without being able to eat it. But they came back with no other tidings than a familiar message from

the clerk, importing that if they wanted to be married that morning they had better look sharp, as the curate

The bride was now alarmed; seriously alarmed. Good Heavens, what could have happened! Augustus! Dear

Mr Jinkins volunteered to take a cab, and seek him at the newly furnished house. The strongminded

woman administered comfort to Miss Pecksniff. 'It was a specimen of what she had to expect. It would do her

good. It would dispel the romance of the affair.' The rednosed daughters also administered the kindest

comfort. 'Perhaps he'd come,' they said. The sketchy nephew hinted that he might have fallen off a bridge.

The wrath of Mr Spottletoe resisted all the entreaties of his wife. Everybody spoke at once, and Miss

Pecksniff, with clasped hands, sought consolation everywhere and found it nowhere, when Jinkins, having

met the postman at the door, came back with a letter, which he put into her hand.

Miss Pecksniff opened it, uttered a piercing shriek, threw it down upon the ground, and fainted away.

They picked it up; and crowding round, and looking over one another's shoulders, read, in the words and

'EVER INJURED MISS PECKSNIFFEre this reaches you, the undersigned will beif not a corpseon

'The burden300 tons per registerforgive, if in my distraction, I allude to the shipon my mindhas

been truly dreadful. Frequently when you have sought to soothe my brow with kisseshas self

destruction flashed across me. Frequentlyincredible as it may seemhave I abandoned the idea.

'I love another. She is Another's. Everything appears to be somebody else's. Nothing in the world is

minenot even my Situationwhich I have forfeitedby my rash conductin running away.

'If you ever loved me, hear my last appeal! The last appeal of a miserable and blighted exile. Forward the

inclosedit is the key of my deskto the officeby hand. Please address to Bobbs and CholberryI

mean to Chobbs and Bolberrybut my mind is totally unhinged. I left a penknifewith a buckhorn

handlein your workbox. It will repay the messenger. May it make him happier than ever it did me!

'Oh, Miss Pecksniff, why didn't you leave me alone! Was it not cruel, CRUEL! Oh, my goodness, have you

not been a witness of my feelingshave you not seen them flowing from my eyesdid you not, yourself,

reproach me with weeping more than usual on that dreadful night when last we metin that housewhere I

'But it was writtenin the Talmudthat you should involve yourself in the inscrutable and gloomy Fate

which it is my mission to accomplish, and which wreathes itselfe'en nowabout in temples. I will not

'Farewell! Be the proud bride of a ducal coronet, and forget me! Long may it be before you know the anguish

They thought as little of Miss Pecksniff, while they greedily perused this letter, as if she were the very last

person on earth whom it concerned. But Miss Pecksniff really had fainted away. The bitterness of her

mortification; the bitterness of having summoned witnesses, and such witnesses, to behold it; the bitterness of

knowing that the strongminded women and the rednosed daughters towered triumphant in this hour of

their anticipated overthrow; was too much to be borne. Miss Pecksniff had fainted away in earnest.

What sounds are these that fall so grandly on the ear! What darkening room is this!

And that mild figure seated at an organ, who is he! Ah Tom, dear Tom, old friend!

Thy head is prematurely grey, though Time has passed thee and our old association, Tom. But, in those

sounds with which it is thy wont to bear the twilight company, the music of thy heart speaks outthe story

Thy life is tranquil, calm, and happy, Tom. In the soft strain which ever and again comes stealing back upon

the ear, the memory of thine old love may find a voice perhaps; but it is a pleasant, softened, whispering

memory, like that in which we sometimes hold the dead, and does not pain or grieve thee, God be thanked.

Touch the notes lightly, Tom, as lightly as thou wilt, but never will thine hand fall half so lightly on that

Instrument as on the head of thine old tyrant brought down very, very low; and never will it make as hollow a

For a drunken, begging, squalid, letterwriting man, called Pecksniff, with a shrewish daughter, haunts thee,

Tom; and when he makes appeals to thee for cash, reminds thee that he built thy fortunes better than his own;

and when he spends it, entertains the alehouse company with tales of thine ingratitude and his munificence

towards thee once upon a time; and then he shows his elbows worn in holes, and puts his soleless shoes up on

a bench, and begs his auditors look there, while thou art comfortably housed and clothed. All known to thee,

So, with a smile upon thy face, thou passest gently to another measureto a quicker and more joyful

oneand little feet are used to dance about thee at the sound, and bright young eyes to glance up into thine.

And there is one slight creature, Tomher child; not Ruth'swhom thine eyes follow in the romp and

dance; who, wondering sometimes to see thee look so thoughtful, runs to climb up on thy knee, and put her

cheek to thine; who loves thee, Tom, above the rest, if that can be; and falling sick once, chose thee for her

Thou glidest, now, into a graver air; an air devoted to old friends and bygone times; and in thy lingering

touch upon the keys, and the rich swelling of the mellow harmony, they rise before thee. The spirit of that old

man dead, who delighted to anticipate thy wants, and never ceased to honour thee, is there, among the rest;

repeating, with a face composed and calm, the words he said to thee upon his bed, and blessing thee!

And coming from a garden, Tom, bestrewn with flowers by children's hands, thy sister, little Ruth, as light of

foot and heart as in old days, sits down beside thee. From the Present, and the Past, with which she is so

tenderly entwined in all thy thoughts, thy strain soars onward to the Future. As it resounds within thee and

without, the noble music, rolling round ye both, shuts out the grosser prospect of an earthly parting, and