George Borrow .........................................................................................................................................1

IN the following pages I have endeavoured to describe a dream, partly of study, partly of adventure, in which

will be found copious notices of books, and many descriptions of life and manners, some in a very unusual

The scenes of action lie in the British Islands; pray be not displeased, gentle reader, if perchance thou hast

imagined that I was about to conduct thee to distant lands, and didst promise thyself much instruction and

entertainment from what I might tell thee of them. I do assure thee that thou hast no reason to be displeased,

inasmuch as there are no countries in the world less known by the British than these selfsame British Islands,

or where more strange things are every day occurring, whether in road or street, house or dingle.

The time embraces nearly the first quarter of the present century: this information again may, perhaps, be

anything but agreeable to thee; it is a long time to revert to, but fret not thyself, many matters which at

present much occupy the public mind originated in some degree towards the latter end of that period, and

The principal actors in this dream, or drama, are, as you will have gathered from the titlepage, a Scholar, a

Gypsy, and a Priest. Should you imagine that these three form one, permit me to assure you that you are very

much mistaken. Should there be something of the Gypsy manifest in the Scholar, there is certainly nothing of

the Priest. With respect to the Gypsy decidedly the most entertaining character of the three there is

certainly nothing of the Scholar or the Priest in him; and as for the Priest, though there may be something in

him both of scholarship and gypsyism, neither the Scholar nor the Gypsy would feel at all flattered by being

Many characters which may be called subordinate will be found, and it is probable that some of these

characters will afford much more interest to the reader than those styled the principal. The favourites with the

writer are a brave old soldier and his helpmate, an ancient gentlewoman who sold apples, and a strange kind

Amongst the many things attempted in this book is the encouragement of charity, and free and genial

manners, and the exposure of humbug, of which there are various kinds, but of which the most perfidious, the

Yet let no one think that irreligion is advocated in this book. With respect to religious tenets I wish to observe

that I am a member of the Church of England, into whose communion I was baptized, and to which my

forefathers belonged. Its being the religion in which I was baptized, and of my forefathers, would be a strong

inducement to me to cling to it; for I do not happen to be one of those choice spirits 'who turn from their

banner when the battle bears strongly against it, and go over to the enemy,' and who receive at first a hug and

a 'viva,' and in the sequel contempt and spittle in the face; but my chief reason for belonging to it is, because,

of all churches calling themselves Christian ones, I believe there is none so good, so well founded upon

Scripture, or whose ministers are, upon the whole, so exemplary in their lives and conversation, so well read

in the book from which they preach, or so versed in general learning, so useful in their immediate

neighbourhoods, or so unwilling to persecute people of other denominations for matters of doctrine.

In the communion of this Church, and with the religious consolation of its ministers, I wish and hope to live

and die, and in its and their defence will at all times be ready, if required, to speak, though humbly, and to

And is there no priestcraft in the Church of England? There is certainly, or rather there was, a modicum of

priestcraft in the Church of England, but I have generally found that those who are most vehement against the

Church of England are chiefly dissatisfied with her because there is only a modicum of that article in her

were she stuffed to the very cupola with it, like a certain other Church, they would have much less to say

By the other Church, I mean Rome. Its system was once prevalent in England, and, during the period that it

prevailed there, was more prolific of debasement and crime than all other causes united. The people and the

government at last becoming enlightened by means of the Scripture spurned it from the island with disgust

and horror, the land instantly after its disappearance becoming a fair field, in which arts, sciences, and all the

amiable virtues flourished, instead of being a pestilent marsh where swinelike ignorance wallowed, and

artful hypocrites, like so many Willso'thewisp, played antic gambols about, around, and above debased

But Popery still wished to play her old part, to regain her lost dominion, to reconvert the smiling land into the

pestilential morass, where she could play again her old antics. From the period of the Reformation in England

up to the present time, she has kept her emissaries here, individuals contemptible in intellect, it is true, but

catlike and gliding, who, at her bidding, have endeavoured, as much as in their power has lain, to damp and

stifle every genial, honest, loyal, and independent thought, and to reduce minds to such a state of dotage as

And in every country, however enlightened, there are always minds inclined to grovelling superstition

minds fond of eating dust and swallowing clay minds never at rest, save when prostrate before some fellow

in a surplice; and these Popish emissaries found always some weak enough to bow down before them,

astounded by their dreadful denunciations of eternal woe and damnation to any who should refuse to believe

their Romania; but they played a poor game the law protected the servants of Scripture, and the priest with

his beads seldom ventured to approach any but the remnant of those of the eikonolatry representatives of

wormeaten houses, their debased dependants, and a few poor crazy creatures amongst the middle classes

he played a poor game, and the labour was about to prove almost entirely in vain, when the English

legislature, in compassion or contempt, or, yet more probably, influenced by that spirit of toleration and

kindness which is so mixed up with Protestantism, removed almost entirely the disabilities under which

Popery laboured, and enabled it to raise its head and to speak out almost without fear.

And it did raise its head, and, though it spoke with some little fear at first, soon discarded every relic of it;

went about the land uttering its damnation cry, gathering around it and for doing so many thanks to it the

favourers of priestcraft who lurked within the walls of the Church of England; frightening with the loudness

of its voice the weak, the timid, and the ailing; perpetrating, whenever it had an opportunity, that species of

crime to which it has ever been most partial DEATHBED ROBBERY; for as it is cruel, so is it dastardly.

Yes, it went on enlisting, plundering, and uttering its terrible threats till till it became, as it always does

when left to itself, a fool, a very fool. Its plunderings might have been overlooked, and so might its insolence,

had it been common insolence, but it , and then the roar of indignation which arose from outraged England

against the viper, the frozen viper, which it had permitted to warm itself upon its bosom.

But thanks, Popery, you have done all that the friends of enlightenment and religious liberty could wish; but

if ever there were a set of foolish ones to be found under heaven, surely it is the priestly rabble who came

But now again the damnation cry is withdrawn, there is a subdued meekness in your demeanour, you are now

once more harmless as a lamb. Well, we shall see how the trick 'the old trick' will serve you.

Birth My father Tamerlane Ben Brain French Protestants East Anglia Sorrow and troubles True

peace A beautiful child Foreign grave Mirrors Alpine country Emblems Slow of speech The

ON an evening of July, in the year 18, at East D, a beautiful little town in a certain district of East Anglia, I

My father was a Cornish man, the youngest, as I have heard him say, of seven brothers. He sprang from a

family of gentlemen, or, as some people would call them, gentillatres, for they were not very wealthy; they

had a coat of arms, however, and lived on their own property at a place called Tredinnock, which being

interpreted means THE HOUSE ON THE HILL, which house and the neighbouring acres had been from time

immemorial in their possession. I mention these particulars that the reader may see at once that I am not

altogether of low and plebeian origin; the present age is highly aristocratic, and I am convinced that the

public will read my pages with more zest from being told that I am a gentillatre by birth with Cornish blood

in my veins, of a family who lived on their own property at a place bearing a Celtic name, signifying the

My father was what is generally termed a posthumous child in other words, the gentillatre who begot him

never had the satisfaction of invoking the blessing of the Father of All upon his head; having departed this

life some months before the birth of his youngest son. The boy, therefore, never knew a father's care; he was,

however, well tended by his mother, whose favourite he was; so much so, indeed, that his brethren, the

youngest of whom was considerably older than himself, were rather jealous of him. I never heard, however,

that they treated him with any marked unkindness, and it will be as well to observe here that I am by no

means well acquainted with his early history, of which, indeed, as I am not writing his life, it is not necessary

to say much. Shortly after his mother's death, which occurred when he was eighteen, he adopted the

profession of arms, which he followed during the remainder of his life, and in which, had circumstances

permitted, he would probably have shone amongst the best. By nature he was cool and collected, slow to

anger, though perfectly fearless, patient of control, of great strength; and, to crown all, a proper man with his

With far inferior qualifications many a man has become a field marshal or general; similar ones made

Tamerlane, who was not a gentillatre, but the son of a blacksmith, emperor of onethird of the world; but the

race is not always for the swift, nor the battle for the strong, indeed I ought rather to say very seldom; certain

it is, that my father, with all his high military qualifications, never became emperor, fieldmarshal, or even

general: indeed, he had never an opportunity of distinguishing himself save in one battle, and that took place

neither in Flanders, Egypt, nor on the banks of the Indus or Oxus, but in Hyde Park.

Smile not, gentle reader, many a battle has been fought in Hyde Park, in which as much skill, science, and

bravery have been displayed as ever achieved a victory in Flanders or by the Indus. In such a combat as that

to which I allude, I opine that even Wellington or Napoleon would have been heartily glad to cry for quarter

ere the lapse of five minutes, and even the Blacksmith Tartar would, perhaps, have shrunk from the opponent

with whom, after having had a dispute with him, my father engaged in single combat for one hour, at the end

of which time the champions shook hands and retired, each having experienced quite enough of the other's

What! still a smile? did you never hear that name before? I cannot help it! Honour to Brain, who four months

after the event which I have now narrated was champion of England, having conquered the heroic Johnson.

Honour to Brain, who, at the end of other four months, worn out by the dreadful blows which he had received

in his manly combats, expired in the arms of my father, who read the Bible to him in his latter moments Big

I have already hinted that my father never rose to any very exalted rank in his profession, notwithstanding his

prowess and other qualifications. After serving for many years in the line, he at last entered as captain in the

militia regiment of the Earl of , at that period just raised, and to which he was sent by the Duke of York to

instruct the young levies in military manoeuvres and discipline; and in this mission I believe he perfectly

succeeded, competent judges having assured me that the regiment in question soon came by his means to be

considered as one of the most brilliant in the service, and inferior to no regiment of the line in appearance or

As the headquarters of this corps were at D the duties of my father not unfrequently carried him to that

place, and it was on one of these occasions that he became acquainted with a young person of the

neighbourhood, for whom he formed an attachment, which was returned; and this young person was my

She was descended from a family of French Protestants, natives of Caen, who were obliged to leave their

native country when old Louis, at the instigation of the Pope, thought fit to revoke the Edict of Nantes: their

name was Petrement, and I have reason for believing that they were people of some consideration; that they

were noble hearts, and good Christians, they gave sufficient proof in scorning to bow the knee to the tyranny

of Rome. So they left beautiful Normandy for their faith's sake, and with a few louis d'ors in their purse, a

Bible in the vulgar tongue, and a couple of old swords, which, if report be true, had done service in the

Huguenot wars, they crossed the sea to the isle of civil peace and religious liberty, and established themselves

And many other Huguenot families bent their steps thither, and devoted themselves to agriculture or the

mechanical arts; and in the venerable old city, the capital of the province, in the northern shadow of the

Castle of De Burgh, the exiles built for themselves a church where they praised God in the French tongue,

and to which, at particular seasons of the year, they were in the habit of flocking from country and from town

'Thou hast provided for us a goodly earth; thou waterest her furrows, thou sendest rain into the little valleys

thereof, thou makest it soft with the drops of rain, and blessest the increase of it.'

I have been told that in her younger days my mother was strikingly handsome; this I can easily believe: I

never knew her in her youth, for though she was very young when she married my father (who was her senior

by many years), she had attained the middle age before I was born, no children having been vouchsafed to my

parents in the early stages of their union. Yet even at the present day, now that years threescore and ten have

passed over her head, attended with sorrow and troubles manifold, poorly chequered with scanty joys, can I

look on that countenance and doubt that at one time beauty decked it as with a glorious garment? Hail to thee,

my parent! as thou sittest there, in thy widow's weeds, in the dusky parlour in the house overgrown with the

lustrous ivy of the sister isle, the solitary house at the end of the retired court shaded by lofty poplars. Hail to

thee, dame of the oval face, olive complexion, and Grecian forehead; by thy table seated with the mighty

volume of the good Bishop Hopkins spread out before thee; there is peace in thy countenance, my mother; it

is not worldly peace, however, not the deceitful peace which lulls to bewitching slumbers, and from which,

let us pray, humbly pray, that every sinner may be roused in time to implore mercy not in vain! Thine is the

peace of the righteous, my mother, of those to whom no sin can be imputed, the score of whose misdeeds has

been long since washed away by the blood of atonement, which imputeth righteousness to those who trust in

it. It was not always thus, my mother; a time was, when the cares, pomps, and vanities of this world agitated

thee too much; but that time is gone by, another and a better has succeeded; there is peace now on thy

countenance, the true peace; peace around thee, too, in thy solitary dwelling, sounds of peace, the cheerful

hum of the kettle and the purring of the immense angola, which stares up at thee from its settle with its almost

No more earthly cares and affections now, my mother! Yes, one. Why dost thou suddenly raise thy dark and

still brilliant eye from the volume with a somewhat startled glance? What noise is that in the distant street?

Merely the noise of a hoof; a sound common enough: it draws nearer, nearer, and now it stops before thy

gate. Singular! And now there is a pause, a long pause. Ha! thou hearest something a footstep; a swift but

heavy footstep! thou risest, thou tremblest, there is a hand on the pin of the outer door, there is some one in

the vestibule, and now the door of thy apartment opens, there is a reflection on the mirror behind thee, a

travelling hat, a gray head and sunburnt face. My dearest Son! My darling Mother!

Yes, mother, thou didst recognise in the distant street the hoof tramp of the wanderer's horse.

I was not the only child of my parents; I had a brother some three years older than myself. He was a beautiful

child; one of those occasionally seen in England, and in England alone; a rosy, angelic face, blue eyes, and

light chestnut hair; it was not exactly an AngloSaxon countenance, in which, by the bye, there is generally a

cast of loutishness and stupidity; it partook, to a certain extent, of the Celtic character, particularly in the fire

and vivacity which illumined it; his face was the mirror of his mind; perhaps no disposition more amiable

was ever found amongst the children of Adam, united, however, with no inconsiderable portion of high and

dauntless spirit. So great was his beauty in infancy, that people, especially those of the poorer classes, would

follow the nurse who carried him about in order to look at and bless his lovely face. At the age of three

months an attempt was made to snatch him from his mother's arms in the streets of London, at the moment

she was about to enter a coach; indeed, his appearance seemed to operate so powerfully upon every person

who beheld him, that my parents were under continual apprehension of losing him; his beauty, however, was

perhaps surpassed by the quickness of his parts. He mastered his letters in a few hours, and in a day or two

could decipher the names of people on the doors of houses and over the shopwindows.

As he grew up, his personal appearance became less prepossessing, his quickness and cleverness, however,

rather increased; and I may say of him, that with respect to everything which he took in hand he did it better

and more speedily than any other person. Perhaps it will be asked here, what became of him? Alas! alas! his

was an early and a foreign grave. As I have said before, the race is not always for the swift, nor the battle for

And now, doubtless, after the above portrait of my brother, painted in the very best style of Rubens, the

reader will conceive himself justified in expecting a fulllength one of myself, as a child, for as to my present

appearance, I suppose he will be tolerably content with that flitting glimpse in the mirror. But he must excuse

me; I have no intention of drawing a portrait of myself in childhood; indeed it would be difficult, for at that

time I never looked into mirrors. No attempts, however, were ever made to steal me in my infancy, and I

never heard that my parents entertained the slightest apprehension of losing me by the hands of kidnappers,

though I remember perfectly well that people were in the habit of standing still to look at me, ay, more than at

my brother; from which premisses the reader may form any conclusion with respect to my appearance which

seemeth good unto him and reasonable. Should he, being a goodnatured person, and always inclined to

adopt the charitable side in any doubtful point, be willing to suppose that I, too, was eminently endowed by

nature with personal graces, I tell him frankly that I have no objection whatever to his entertaining that idea;

moreover, that I heartily thank him, and shall at all times be disposed, under similar circumstances, to

With respect to my mind and its qualities I shall be more explicit; for, were I to maintain much reserve on this

point, many things which appear in these memoirs would be highly mysterious to the reader, indeed

incomprehensible. Perhaps no two individuals were ever more unlike in mind and disposition than my brother

and myself: as light is opposed to darkness, so was that happy, brilliant, cheerful child to the sad and

melancholy being who sprang from the same stock as himself, and was nurtured by the same milk.

Once, when travelling in an Alpine country, I arrived at a considerable elevation; I saw in the distance, far

below, a beautiful stream hastening to the ocean, its rapid waters here sparkling in the sunshine, and there

tumbling merrily in cascades. On its banks were vineyards and cheerful villages; close to where I stood, in a

granite basin with steep and precipitous sides, slumbered a deep, dark lagoon, shaded by black pines,

cypresses, and yews. It was a wild, savage spot, strange and singular; ravens hovered above the pines, filling

the air with their uncouth notes, pies chattered, and I heard the cry of an eagle from a neighbouring peak;

there lay the lake, the dark, solitary, and almost inaccessible lake; gloomy shadows were upon it, which,

strangely modified, as gusts of wind agitated the surface, occasionally assumed the shape of monsters. So I

stood on the Alpine elevation, and looked now on the gay distant river, and now at the dark graniteencircled

lake close beside me in the lone solitude, and I thought of my brother and myself. I am no moraliser; but the

gay and rapid river, and the dark and silent lake, were, of a verity, no had emblems of us two.

So far from being quick and clever like my brother, and able to rival the literary feat which I have recorded of

him, many years elapsed before I was able to understand the nature of letters, or to connect them. A lover of

nooks and retired corners, I was as a child in the habit of fleeing from society, and of sitting for hours

together with my head on my breast. What I was thinking about, it would be difficult to say at this distance of

time; I remember perfectly well, however, being ever conscious of a peculiar heaviness within me, and at

times of a strange sensation of fear, which occasionally amounted to horror, and for which I could assign no

By nature slow of speech, I took no pleasure in conversation, nor in hearing the voices of my

fellowcreatures. When people addressed me, I not unfrequently, especially if they were strangers, turned

away my head from them, and if they persisted in their notice burst into tears, which singularity of behaviour

by no means tended to dispose people in my favour. I was as much disliked as my brother was deservedly

beloved and admired. My parents, it is true, were always kind to me; and my brother, who was good nature

There was, however, one individual who, in the days of my childhood, was disposed to form a favourable

opinion of me. One day, a Jew I have quite forgotten the circumstance, but I was long subsequently

informed of it one day a travelling Jew knocked at the door of a farmhouse in which we had taken

apartments; I was near at hand sitting in the bright sunshine, drawing strange lines on the dust with my

fingers, an ape and dog were my companions; the Jew looked at me and asked me some questions, to which,

though I was quite able to speak, I returned no answer. On the door being opened, the Jew, after a few words,

probably relating to pedlery, demanded who the child was, sitting in the sun; the maid replied that I was her

mistress's youngest son, a child weak HERE, pointing to her forehead. The Jew looked at me again, and then

said: ''Pon my conscience, my dear, I believe that you must be troubled there yourself to tell me any such

thing. It is not my habit to speak to children, inasmuch as I hate them, because they often follow me and fling

stones after me; but I no sooner looked at that child than I was forced to speak to it his not answering me

shows his sense, for it has never been the custom of the wise to fling away their words in indifferent talk and

conversation; the child is a sweet child, and has all the look of one of our people's children. Fool, indeed! did

I not see his eyes sparkle just now when the monkey seized the dog by the ear? they shone like my own

diamonds does your good lady want any real and fine? Were it not for what you tell me, I should say it

was a prophet's child. Fool, indeed! he can write already, or I'll forfeit the box which I carry on my back, and

for which I should be loth to take two hundred pounds!' He then leaned forward to inspect the lines which I

had traced. All of a sudden he started back, and grew white as a sheet; then, taking off his hat, he made some

strange gestures to me, cringing, chattering, and showing his teeth, and shortly departed, muttering something

about 'holy letters,' and talking to himself in a strange tongue. The words of the Jew were in due course of

time reported to my mother, who treasured them in her heart, and from that moment began to entertain

brighter hopes of her youngest born than she had ever before ventured to foster.

Barracks and lodgings A camp The viper A delicate child Blackberry time MEUN and TUUM

Hythe The Golgotha Daneman's skull Superhuman stature Stirring times The seabord.

I HAVE been a wanderer the greater part of my life; indeed I remember only two periods, and these by no

means lengthy, when I was, strictly speaking, stationary. I was a soldier's son, and as the means of my father

were by no means sufficient to support two establishments, his family invariably attended him wherever he

went, so that from my infancy I was accustomed to travelling and wandering, and looked upon a monthly

change of scene and residence as a matter of course. Sometimes we lived in barracks, sometimes in lodgings,

but generally in the former, always eschewing the latter from motives of economy, save when the barracks

were inconvenient and uncomfortable; and they must have been highly so indeed, to have discouraged us

from entering them; for though we were gentry (pray bear that in mind, gentle reader), gentry by birth, and

incontestably so by my father's bearing the commission of good old George the Third, we were not FINE

GENTRY, but people who could put up with as much as any genteel Scotch family who find it convenient to

live on a third floor in London, or on a sixth at Edinburgh or Glasgow. It was not a little that could discourage

us: we once lived within the canvas walls of a camp, at a place called Pett, in Sussex; and I believe it was at

this place that occurred the first circumstance, or adventure, call it which you will, that I can remember in

It happened that my brother and myself were playing one evening in a sandy lane, in the neighbourhood of

this Pett camp; our mother was at a slight distance. All of a sudden, a bright yellow, and, to my infantine eye,

beautiful and glorious, object made its appearance at the top of the bank from between the thick quickset,

and, gliding down, began to move across the lane to the other side, like a line of golden light. Uttering a cry

of pleasure, I sprang forward, and seized it nearly by the middle. A strange sensation of numbing coldness

seemed to pervade my whole arm, which surprised me the more, as the object to the eye appeared so warm

and sunlike. I did not drop it, however, but, holding it up, looked at it intently, as its head dangled about a

foot from my hand. It made no resistance; I felt not even the slightest struggle; but now my brother began to

scream and shriek like one possessed. 'O mother, mother!' said he, 'the viper! my brother has a viper in his

hand!' He then, like one frantic, made an effort to snatch the creature away from me. The viper now hissed

amain, and raised its head, in which were eyes like hot coals, menacing, not myself, but my brother. I

dropped my captive, for I saw my mother running towards me; and the reptile, after standing for a moment

nearly erect, and still hissing furiously, made off, and disappeared. The whole scene is now before me, as

vividly as if it occurred yesterday the gorgeous viper, my poor dear frantic brother, my agitated parent, and

It is my firm belief that certain individuals possess an inherent power, or fascination, over certain creatures,

otherwise I should be unable to account for many feats which I have witnessed, and, indeed, borne a share in,

connected with the taming of brutes and reptiles. I have known a savage and vicious mare, whose stall it was

dangerous to approach, even when bearing provender, welcome, nevertheless, with every appearance of

pleasure, an uncouth, wiry headed man, with a frightfully seamed face, and an iron hook supplying the place

of his right hand, one whom the animal had never seen before, playfully bite his hair, and cover his face with

gentle and endearing kisses; and I have already stated how a viper would permit, without resentment, one

child to take it up in his hand, whilst it showed its dislike to the approach of another by the fiercest hissings.

Philosophy can explain many strange things, but there are some which are a far pitch above her, and this is

I should scarcely relate another circumstance which occurred about this time but for a singular effect which it

produced upon my constitution. Up to this period I had been rather a delicate child; whereas, almost

immediately after the occurrence to which I allude, I became both hale and vigorous, to the great

astonishment of my parents, who naturally enough expected that it would produce quite a contrary effect.

It happened that my brother and myself were disporting ourselves in certain fields near the good town of

Canterbury. A female servant had attended us, in order to take care that we came to no mischief: she,

however, it seems, had matters of her own to attend to, and, allowing us to go where we listed, remained in

one corner of a field, in earnest conversation with a redcoated dragoon. Now it chanced to be blackberry

time, and the two children wandered under the hedges, peering anxiously among them in quest of that trash

so grateful to urchins of their degree. We did not find much of it, however, and were soon separated in the

pursuit. All at once I stood still, and could scarcely believe my eyes. I had come to a spot where, almost

covering the hedge, hung clusters of what seemed fruit deliciouslytempting fruit something resembling

grapes of various colours, green, red, and purple. Dear me, thought I, how fortunate! yet have I a right to

gather it? is it mine? for the observance of the law of MEUM and TUUM had early been impressed upon my

mind, and I entertained, even at that tender age, the utmost horror for theft; so I stood staring at the variegated

clusters, in doubt as to what I should do. I know not how I argued the matter in my mind; the temptation,

however, was at last too strong for me, so I stretched forth my hand and ate. I remember, perfectly well, that

the taste of this strange fruit was by no means so pleasant as the appearance; but the idea of eating fruit was

sufficient for a child, and, after all, the flavour was much superior to that of sour apples, so I ate voraciously.

How long I continued eating I scarcely know. One thing is certain, that I never left the field as I entered it,

being carried home in the arms of the dragoon in strong convulsions, in which I continued for several hours.

About midnight I awoke, as if from a troubled sleep, and beheld my parents bending over my couch, whilst

the regimental surgeon, with a candle in his hand, stood nigh, the light feebly reflected on the whitewashed

Another circumstance connected with my infancy, and I have done. I need offer no apology for relating it, as

it subsequently exercised considerable influence over my pursuits. We were, if I remember right, in the

vicinity of a place called Hythe, in Kent. One sweet evening, in the latter part of summer, our mother took her

two little boys by the hand, for a wander about the fields. In the course of our stroll we came to the village

church; an old, gray headed sexton stood in the porch, who, perceiving that we were strangers, invited us to

enter. We were presently in the interior, wandering about the aisles, looking on the walls, and inspecting the

monuments of the notable dead. I can scarcely state what we saw; how should I? I was a child not yet four

years old, and yet I think I remember the evening sun streaming in through a stained window upon the dingy

mahogany pulpit, and flinging a rich lustre upon the faded tints of an ancient banner. And now once more we

were outside the building, where, against the wall, stood a low eaved penthouse, into which we looked. It

was half filled with substances of some kind, which at first looked like large gray stones. The greater part

were lying in layers; some, however, were seen in confused and mouldering heaps, and two or three, which

had perhaps rolled down from the rest, lay separately on the floor. 'Skulls, madam,' said the sexton; 'skulls of

the old Danes! Long ago they came pirating into these parts; and then there chanced a mighty shipwreck, for

God was angry with them, and He sunk them; and their skulls, as they came ashore, were placed here as a

memorial. There were many more when I was young, but now they are fast disappearing. Some of them must

have belonged to strange fellows, madam. Only see that one; why, the two young gentry can scarcely lift it!'

And, indeed, my brother and myself had entered the Golgotha, and commenced handling these grim relics of

mortality. One enormous skull, lying in a corner, had fixed our attention, and we had drawn it forth. Spirit of

I still seem to see it, the huge grim thing; many of the others were large, strikingly so, and appeared fully to

justify the old man's conclusion that their owners must have been strange fellows; but, compared with this

mighty mass of bone, they looked small and diminutive like those of pigmies; it must have belonged to a

giant, one of those redhaired warriors of whose strength and stature such wondrous tales are told in the

ancient chronicles of the north, and whose gravehills, when ransacked, occasionally reveal secrets which fill

the minds of puny moderns with astonishment and awe. Reader, have you ever pored days and nights over the

pages of Snorro? probably not, for he wrote in a language which few of the present day understand, and

few would be tempted to read him tamed down by Latin dragomans. A brave old book is that of Snorro,

containing the histories and adventures of old northern kings and champions, who seemed to have been quite

different men, if we may judge from the feats which they performed, from those of these days; one of the best

of his histories is that which describes the life of Harald Haardraade, who, after manifold adventures by land

and sea, now a pirate, now a mercenary of the Greek emperor, became king of Norway, and eventually

perished at the battle of Stamford Bridge, whilst engaged in a gallant onslaught upon England. Now, I have

often thought that the old Kemp, whose mouldering skull in the Golgotha of Hythe my brother and myself

could scarcely lift, must have resembled in one respect at least this Harald, whom Snorro describes as a great

and wise ruler and a determined leader, dangerous in battle, of fair presence and measuring in height just

I never forgot the Daneman's skull; like the apparition of the viper in the sandy lane, it dwelt in the mind of

the boy, affording copious food for the exercise of imagination. From that moment with the name of Dane

were associated strange ideas of strength, daring, and superhuman stature; and an undefinable curiosity for all

that is connected with the Danish race began to pervade me; and if, long after, when I became a student I

devoted myself with peculiar zest to Danish lore and the acquirement of the old Norse tongue and its dialects,

I can only explain the matter by the early impression received at Hythe from the tale of the old sexton,

And thus we went on straying from place to place, at Hythe today, and perhaps within a week looking out

from our hostelwindow upon the streets of old Winchester, our motions ever in accordance with the 'route'

of the regiment, so habituated to change of scene that it had become almost necessary to our existence.

Pleasant were these days of my early boyhood; and a melancholy pleasure steals over me as I recall them.

Those were stirring times of which I am speaking, and there was much passing around me calculated to

captivate the imagination. The dreadful struggle which so long convulsed Europe, and in which England bore

so prominent a part, was then at its hottest; we were at war, and determination and enthusiasm shone in every

face; man, woman, and child were eager to fight the Frank, the hereditary, but, thank God, never dreaded

enemy of the AngloSaxon race. 'Love your country and beat the French, and then never mind what

happens,' was the cry of entire England. Oh, those were days of power, gallant days, bustling days, worth the

bravest days of chivalry at least; tall battalions of native warriors were marching through the land; there was

the glitter of the bayonet and the gleam of the sabre; the shrill squeak of the fife and loud rattling of the drum

were heard in the streets of country towns, and the loyal shouts of the inhabitants greeted the soldiery on their

arrival, or cheered them at their departure. And now let us leave the upland, and descend to the seabord;

there is a sight for you upon the billows! A dozen men ofwar are gliding majestically out of port, their long

buntings streaming from the topgallant masts, calling on the skulking Frenchman to come forth from his

bights and bays; and what looms upon us yonder from the fogbank in the east? a gallant frigate towing

behind her the long low hull of a crippled privateer, which but three short days ago had left Dieppe to skim

the sea, and whose crew of ferocious hearts are now cursing their imprudence in an English hold. Stirring

times those, which I love to recall, for they were days of gallantry and enthusiasm, and were moreover the

Pretty D The venerable church The stricken heart Dormant energies The small packet Nerves

The books A picture Mountainlike billows The footprint Spirit of De Foe Reasoning powers

Terrors of God Heads of the dragons High Church clerk A journey The drowned country.

AND when I was between six and seven years of age we were once more at D, the place of my birth,

whither my father had been despatched on the recruiting service. I have already said that it was a beautiful

little town at least it was at the time of which I am speaking what it is at present I know not, for thirty

years and more have elapsed since I last trod its streets. It will scarcely have improved, for how could it be

better than it then was? I love to think on thee, pretty quiet D, thou pattern of an English country town, with

thy clean but narrow streets branching out from thy modest marketplace, with thine oldfashioned houses,

with here and there a roof of venerable thatch, with thy one half aristocratic mansion, where resided thy

Lady Bountiful she, the generous and kind, who loved to visit the sick, leaning on her goldheaded cane,

whilst the sleek old footman walked at a respectful distance behind. Pretty quiet D, with thy venerable

church, in which moulder the mortal remains of England's sweetest and most pious bard.

Yes, pretty D, I could always love thee, were it but for the sake of him who sleeps beneath the marble slab

in yonder quiet chancel. It was within thee that the longoppressed bosom heaved its last sigh, and the

crushed and gentle spirit escaped from a world in which it had known nought but sorrow. Sorrow! do I say?

How faint a word to express the misery of that bruised reed; misery so dark that a blind worm like myself is

occasionally tempted to exclaim, Better had the world never been created than that one so kind, so harmless,

and so mild, should have undergone such intolerable woe! But it is over now, for, as there is an end of joy, so

has affliction its termination. Doubtless the Allwise did not afflict him without a cause: who knows but

within that unhappy frame lurked vicious seeds which the sunbeams of joy and prosperity might have called

into life and vigour? Perhaps the withering blasts of misery nipped that which otherwise might have

terminated in fruit noxious and lamentable. But peace to the unhappy one, he is gone to his rest; the

deathlike face is no longer occasionally seen timidly and mournfully looking for a moment through the

windowpane upon thy marketplace, quiet and pretty D; the hind in thy neighbourhood no longer at

eveningfall views, and starts as he views, the dark lathy figure moving beneath the hazels and alders of

shadowy lanes, or by the side of murmuring trout streams, and no longer at early dawn does the sexton of the

old church reverently doff his hat, as, supported by some kind friend, the deathstricken creature totters along

the churchpath to that mouldering edifice with the low roof, inclosing a spring of sanatory waters, built and

devoted to some saint, if the legend over the door be true, by the daughter of an East Anglian king.

But to return to my own history. I had now attained the age of six: shall I state what intellectual progress I

had been making up to this period? Alas! upon this point I have little to say calculated to afford either

pleasure or edification; I had increased rapidly in size and in strength: the growth of the mind, however, had

by no means corresponded with that of the body. It is true, I had acquired my letters, and was by this time

able to read imperfectly; but this was all: and even this poor triumph over absolute ignorance would never

have been effected but for the unremitting attention of my parents, who, sometimes by threats, sometimes by

entreaties, endeavoured to rouse the dormant energies of my nature, and to bend my wishes to the acquisition

of the rudiments of knowledge; but in influencing the wish lay the difficulty. Let but the will of a human

being be turned to any particular object, and it is ten to one that sooner or later he achieves it. At this time I

may safely say that I harboured neither wishes nor hopes; I had as yet seen no object calculated to call them

forth, and yet I took pleasure in many things which perhaps unfortunately were all within my sphere of

enjoyment. I loved to look upon the heavens, and to bask in the rays of the sun, or to sit beneath hedgerows

and listen to the chirping of the birds, indulging the while in musing and meditation as far as my very limited

circle of ideas would permit; but, unlike my brother, who was at this time at school, and whose rapid progress

in every branch of instruction astonished and delighted his preceptors, I took no pleasure in books, whose

use, indeed, I could scarcely comprehend, and bade fair to be as arrant a dunce as ever brought the blush of

But the time was now at hand when the ice which had hitherto bound the mind of the child with its

benumbing power was to be thawed, and a world of sensations and ideas awakened to which it had hitherto

been an entire stranger. One day a young lady, an intimate acquaintance of our family, and godmother to my

brother, drove up to the house in which we dwelt; she stayed some time conversing with my mother, and on

rising to depart, she put down on the table a small packet, exclaiming, 'I have brought a little present for each

of the boys: the one is a History of England, which I intend for my godson when he returns from school, the

other is . . .' and here she said something which escaped my ear, as I sat at some distance, moping in a

corner, 'I intend it for the youngster yonder,' pointing to myself; she then departed, and, my mother going

I remember for some time sitting motionless in my corner, with my eyes bent upon the ground; at last I lifted

my head and looked upon the packet as it lay on the table. All at once a strange sensation came over me, such

as I had never experienced before a singular blending of curiosity, awe, and pleasure, the remembrance of

which, even at this distance of time, produces a remarkable effect upon my nervous system. What strange

things are the nerves I mean those more secret and mysterious ones in which I have some notion that the

mind or soul, call it which you will, has its habitation; how they occasionally tingle and vibrate before any

coming event closely connected with the future weal or woe of the human being. Such a feeling was now

within me, certainly independent of what the eye had seen or the ear had heard. A book of some description

had been brought for me, a present by no means calculated to interest me; what cared I for books? I had

already many into which I never looked but from compulsion; friends, moreover, had presented me with

similar things before, which I had entirely disregarded, and what was there in this particular book, whose

very title I did not know, calculated to attract me more than the rest? yet something within told me that my

fate was connected with the book which had been last brought; so, after looking on the packet from my

The packet was lying where it had been left I took it up; had the envelope, which consisted of whitish

brown paper, been secured by a string or a seal, I should not have opened it, as I should have considered such

an act almost in the light of a crime; the books, however, had been merely folded up, and I therefore

considered that there could be no possible harm in inspecting them, more especially as I had received no

injunction to the contrary. Perhaps there was something unsound in this reasoning, something sophistical; but

a child is sometimes as ready as a grownup person in finding excuses for doing that which he is inclined to.

But whether the action was right or wrong, and I am afraid it was not altogether right, I undid the packet: it

contained three books; two from their similarity seemed to be separate parts of one and the same work; they

were handsomely bound, and to them I first turned my attention. I opened them successively, and

endeavoured to make out their meaning; their contents, however, as far as I was able to understand them,

were by no means interesting: whoever pleases may read these books for me, and keep them, too, into the

I now took up the third book: it did not resemble the others, being longer and considerably thicker; the

binding was of dingy calfskin. I opened it, and as I did so another strange thrill of pleasure shot through my

frame. The first object on which my eyes rested was a picture; it was exceedingly well executed, at least the

scene which it represented made a vivid impression upon me, which would hardly have been the case had the

artist not been faithful to nature. A wild scene it was a heavy sea and rocky shore, with mountains in the

background, above which the moon was peering. Not far from the shore, upon the water, was a boat with two

figures in it, one of which stood at the bow, pointing with what I knew to be a gun at a dreadful shape in the

water; fire was flashing from the muzzle of the gun, and the monster appeared to be transfixed. I almost

thought I heard its cry. I remained motionless, gazing upon the picture, scarcely daring to draw my breath,

lest the new and wondrous world should vanish of which I had now obtained a glimpse. 'Who are those

people, and what could have brought them into that strange situation?' I asked of myself; and now the seed of

curiosity, which had so long lain dormant, began to expand, and I vowed to myself to become speedily

acquainted with the whole history of the people in the boat. After looking on the picture till every mark and

line in it were familiar to me, I turned over various leaves till I came to another engraving; a new source of

wonder a low sandy beach on which the furious sea was breaking in mountainlike billows; cloud and rack

deformed the firmament, which wore a dull and leadenlike hue; gulls and other aquatic fowls were toppling

upon the blast, or skimming over the tops of the maddening waves 'Mercy upon him! he must be drowned!'

I exclaimed, as my eyes fell upon a poor wretch who appeared to be striving to reach the shore; he was upon

his legs, but was evidently half smothered with the brine; high above his head curled a horrible billow, as if to

engulf him for ever. 'He must be drowned! he must be drowned!' I almost shrieked, and dropped the book. I

soon snatched it up again, and now my eye lighted on a third picture: again a shore, but what a sweet and

lovely one, and how I wished to be treading it; there were beautiful shells lying on the smooth white sand,

some were empty like those I had occasionally seen on marble mantelpieces, but out of others peered the

heads and bodies of wondrous crayfish, a wood of thick green trees skirted the beach and partly shaded it

from the rays of the sun, which shone hot above, while blue waves slightly crested with foam were gently

curling against it; there was a human figure upon the beach, wild and uncouth, clad in the skins of animals,

with a huge cap on his head, a hatchet at his girdle, and in his hand a gun; his feet and legs were bare; he

stood in an attitude of horror and surprise; his body was bent far back, and his eyes, which seemed starting

out of his head, were fixed upon a mark on the sand a large distinct mark a human footprint. . . .

Reader, is it necessary to name the book which now stood open in my hand, and whose very prints, feeble

expounders of its wondrous lines, had produced within me emotions strange and novel? Scarcely for it was

a book which has exerted over the minds of Englishmen an influence certainly greater than any other of

modern times which has been in most people's hands, and with the contents of which even those who

cannot read are to a certain extent acquainted a book from which the most luxuriant and fertile of our

modern prose writers have drunk inspiration a book, moreover, to which, from the hardy deeds which it

narrates, and the spirit of strange and romantic enterprise which it tends to awaken, England owes many of

her astonishing discoveries both by sea and land, and no inconsiderable part of her naval glory.

Hail to thee, spirit of De Foe! What does not my own poor self owe to thee? England has better bards than

either Greece or Rome, yet I could spare them easier far than De Foe, 'unabashed De Foe,' as the

The true chord had now been touched; a raging curiosity with respect to the contents of the volume, whose

engravings had fascinated my eye, burned within me, and I never rested until I had fully satisfied it; weeks

succeeded weeks, months followed months, and the wondrous volume was my only study and principal

source of amusement. For hours together I would sit poring over a page till I had become acquainted with the

import of every line. My progress, slow enough at first, became by degrees more rapid, till at last, under 'a

shoulder of mutton sail,' I found myself cantering before a steady breeze over an ocean of enchantment, so

well pleased with my voyage that I cared not how long it might be ere it reached its termination.

About this time I began to be somewhat impressed with religious feelings. My parents were, to a certain

extent, religious people; but, though they had done their best to afford me instruction on religious points, I

had either paid no attention to what they endeavoured to communicate, or had listened with an ear far too

obtuse to derive any benefit. But my mind had now become awakened from the drowsy torpor in which it had

lain so long, and the reasoning powers which I possessed were no longer inactive. Hitherto I had entertained

no conception whatever of the nature and properties of God, and with the most perfect indifference had heard

the divine name proceeding from the mouths of people frequently, alas! on occasions when it ought not to

be employed; but I now never heard it without a tremor, for I now knew that God was an awful and

inscrutable Being, the Maker of all things; that we were His children, and that we, by our sins, had justly

offended Him; that we were in very great peril from His anger, not so much in this life as in another and far

stranger state of being yet to come; that we had a Saviour withal to whom it was necessary to look for help:

upon this point, however, I was yet very much in the dark, as, indeed, were most of those with whom I was

connected. The power and terrors of God were uppermost in my thoughts; they fascinated though they

astounded me. Twice every Sunday I was regularly taken to the church, where, from a corner of the large

spacious pew, lined with black leather, I would fix my eyes on the dignified HighChurch rector, and the

dignified HighChurch clerk, and watch the movement of their lips, from which, as they read their respective

portions of the venerable liturgy, would roll many a portentous word descriptive of the wondrous works of

RECTOR. Thou didst divide the sea, through thy power: thou brakest the heads of the dragons in the waters.

PHILOH. Thou smotest the heads of Leviathan in pieces: and gavest him to be meat for the people in the

RECTOR. Thou broughtest out fountains, and waters out of the hard rocks: thou driedst up mighty waters.

PHILOH. The day is thine, and the night is thine: thou hast prepared the light and the sun.

Peace to your memories, dignified rector, and yet more dignified clerk! by this time ye are probably gone to

your long homes, and your voices are no longer heard sounding down the aisles of the venerable church

nay, doubtless, this has already long since been the fate of him of the sonorous 'Amen!' the one of the two

who, with all due respect to the rector, principally engrossed my boyish admiration he, at least, is scarcely

now among the living! Living! why, I have heard say that he blew a fife for he was a musical as well as a

Christian professor a bold fife, to cheer the Guards and the brave Marines, as they marched with measured

step, obeying an insane command, up Bunker's height, whilst the rifles of the sturdy Yankees were sending

the leaden hail sharp and thick amidst the redcoated ranks; for Philoh had not always been a man of peace,

nor an exhorter to turn the other cheek to the smiter, but had even arrived at the dignity of a halberd in his

country's service before his sixfoot form required rest, and the grayhaired veteran retired, after a long

peregrination, to his native town, to enjoy ease and respectability on a pension of 'eighteenpence a day'; and

well did his fellowtownsmen act, when, to increase that ease and respectability, and with a thoughtful regard

for the dignity of the good church service, they made him clerk and precentor the man of the tall form and

of the audible voice, which sounded loud and clear as his own Bunker fife. Well, peace to thee, thou fine old

chap, despiser of dissenters, and hater of papists, as became a dignified and HighChurch clerk; if thou art in

thy grave, the better for thee; thou wert fitted to adorn a bygone time, when loyalty was in vogue, and smiling

content lay like a sunbeam upon the land, but thou wouldst be sadly out of place in these days of cold

philosophic latitudinarian doctrine, universal tolerism, and halfconcealed rebellion rare times, no doubt,

for papists and dissenters, but which would assuredly have broken the heart of the loyal soldier of George the

We passed many months at this place: nothing, however, occurred requiring any particular notice, relating to

myself, beyond what I have already stated, and I am not writing the history of others. At length my father was

recalled to his regiment, which at that time was stationed at a place called Norman Cross, in Lincolnshire, or

rather Huntingdonshire, at some distance from the old town of Peterborough. For this place he departed,

leaving my mother and myself to follow in a few days. Our journey was a singular one. On the second day we

reached a marshy and fenny country, which, owing to immense quantities of rain which had lately fallen, was

completely submerged. At a large town we got on board a kind of passageboat, crowded with people; it had

neither sails nor oars, and those were not the days of steamvessels; it was a treck schuyt, and was drawn by

horses. Young as I was, there was much connected with this journey which highly surprised me, and which

brought to my remembrance particular scenes described in the book which I now generally carried in my

bosom. The country was, as I have already said, submerged entirely drowned no land was visible; the

trees were growing bolt upright in the flood, whilst farmhouses and cottages were standing insulated; the

horses which drew us were up to the knees in water, and, on coming to blind pools and 'greedy depths,' were

not unfrequently swimming, in which case, the boys or urchins who mounted them sometimes stood,

sometimes knelt, upon the saddle and pillions. No accident, however, occurred either to the quadrupeds or

bipeds, who appeared respectively to be quite AU FAIT in their business, and extricated themselves with the

greatest ease from places in which Pharaoh and all his host would have gone to the bottom. Nightfall brought

us to Peterborough, and from thence we were not slow in reaching the place of our destination.

Norman Cross Wide expanse VIVE L'EMPEREUR Unpruned woods Man with the bag Froth and

conceit I beg your pardon Growing timid About three o'clock Taking one's ease Cheek on the

AND a strange place it was, this Norman Cross, and, at the time of which I am speaking, a sad cross to many

a Norman, being what was then styled a French prison, that is, a receptacle for captives made in the French

war. It consisted, if I remember right, of some five or six casernes, very long, and immensely high; each

standing isolated from the rest, upon a spot of ground which might average ten acres, and which was fenced

round with lofty palisades, the whole being compassed about by a towering wall, beneath which, at intervals,

on both sides, sentinels were stationed, whilst outside, upon the field, stood commodious wooden barracks,

capable of containing two regiments of infantry, intended to serve as guards upon the captives. Such was the

station or prison at Norman Cross, where some six thousand French and other foreigners, followers of the

What a strange appearance had those mighty casernes, with their blank blind walls, without windows or

grating, and their slanting roofs, out of which, through orifices where the tiles had been removed, would be

protruded dozens of grim heads, feasting their prisonsick eyes on the wide expanse of country unfolded

from that airy height. Ah! there was much misery in those casernes; and from those roofs, doubtless, many a

wistful look was turned in the direction of lovely France. Much had the poor inmates to endure, and much to

complain of, to the disgrace of England be it said of England, in general so kind and bountiful. Rations of

carrion meat, and bread from which I have seen the very hounds occasionally turn away, were unworthy

entertainment even for the most ruffian enemy, when helpless and a captive; and such, alas! was the fare in

those casernes. And then, those visits, or rather ruthless inroads, called in the slang of the place

'strawplaithunts,' when in pursuit of a contraband article, which the prisoners, in order to procure themselves

a few of the necessaries and comforts of existence, were in the habit of making, redcoated battalions were

marched into the prisons, who, with the bayonet's point, carried havoc and ruin into every poor convenience

which ingenious wretchedness had been endeavouring to raise around it; and then the triumphant exit with

the miserable booty; and, worst of all, the accursed bonfire, on the barrack parade, of the plait contraband,

beneath the view of the glaring eyeballs from those lofty roofs, amidst the hurrahs of the troops, frequently

drowned in the curses poured down from above like a tempestshower or in the terrific warwhoop of 'VIVE

It was midsummer when we arrived at this place, and the weather, which had for a long time been wet and

gloomy, now became bright and glorious; I was subjected to but little control, and passed my time pleasantly

enough, principally in wandering about the neighbouring country. It was flat and somewhat fenny, a district

more of pasture than agriculture, and not very thickly inhabited. I soon became well acquainted with it. At the

distance of two miles from the station was a large lake, styled in the dialect of the country 'a mere,' about

whose borders tall reeds were growing in abundance, this was a frequent haunt of mine; but my favourite

place of resort was a wild sequestered spot at a somewhat greater distance. Here, surrounded with woods and

thick groves, was the seat of some ancient family, deserted by the proprietor, and only inhabited by a rustic

servant or two. A place more solitary and wild could scarcely be imagined; the garden and walks were

overgrown with weeds and briers, and the unpruned woods were so tangled as to be almost impervious.

About this domain I would wander till overtaken by fatigue, and then I would sit down with my back against

some beech, elm, or stately alder tree, and, taking out my book, would pass hours in a state of unmixed

enjoyment, my eyes now fixed on the wondrous pages, now glancing at the sylvan scene around; and

sometimes I would drop the book and listen to the voice of the rooks and wild pigeons, and not unfrequently

In going to and from this place I frequently passed a tall elderly individual, dressed in rather a quaint fashion,

with a skin cap on his head and stout gaiters on his legs; on his shoulders hung a moderate sized leathern

sack; he seemed fond of loitering near sunny banks, and of groping amidst furze and low scrubby bramble

bushes, of which there were plenty in the neighbourhood of Norman Cross. Once I saw him standing in the

middle of a dusty road, looking intently at a large mark which seemed to have been drawn across it, as if by a

walking stick. 'He must have been a large one,' the old man muttered half to himself, 'or he would not have

left such a trail, I wonder if he is near; he seems to have moved this way.' He then went behind some bushes

which grew on the right side of the road, and appeared to be in quest of something, moving behind the bushes

with his head downwards, and occasionally striking their roots with his foot: at length he exclaimed, 'Here he

is!' and forthwith I saw him dart amongst the bushes. There was a kind of scuffling noise, the rustling of

branches, and the crackling of dry sticks. 'I have him!' said the man at last; 'I have got him!' and presently he

made his appearance about twenty yards down the road, holding a large viper in his hand. 'What do you think

of that, my boy?' said he, as I went up to him 'what do you think of catching such a thing as that with the

naked hand?' 'What do I think?' said I. 'Why, that I could do as much myself.' 'You do,' said the man, 'do you?

Lord! how the young people in these days are given to conceit; it did not use to be so in my time: when I was

a child, childer knew how to behave themselves; but the childer of these days are full of conceit, full of froth,

like the mouth of this viper'; and with his forefinger and thumb he squeezed a considerable quantity of foam

from the jaws of the viper down upon the road. 'The childer of these days are a generation of God forgive

me, what was I about to say?' said the old man; and opening his bag he thrust the reptile into it, which

appeared far from empty. I passed on. As I was returning, towards the evening, I overtook the old man, who

was wending in the same direction. 'Good evening to you, sir,' said I, taking off a cap which I wore on my

head. 'Good evening,' said the old man; and then, looking at me, 'How's this?' said he, 'you aren't, sure, the

child I met in the morning?' 'Yes,' said I, 'I am; what makes you doubt it?' 'Why, you were then all froth and

conceit,' said the old man, 'and now you take off your cap to me.' 'I beg your pardon,' said I, 'if I was frothy

and conceited; it ill becomes a child like me to be so.' 'That's true, dear,' said the old man; 'well, as you have

begged my pardon, I truly forgive you.' 'Thank you,' said I; 'have you caught any more of those things?' 'Only

four or five,' said the old man; 'they are getting scarce, though this used to be a great neighbourhood for

them.' 'And what do you do with them?' said I; 'do you carry them home and play with them?' 'I sometimes

play with one or two that I tame,' said the old man; 'but I hunt them mostly for the fat which they contain, out

of which I make unguents which are good for various sore troubles, especially for the rheumatism.' 'And do

you get your living by hunting these creatures?' I demanded. 'Not altogether,' said the old man; 'besides being

a viperhunter, I am what they call a herbalist, one who knows the virtue of particular herbs; I gather them at

the proper season, to make medicines with for the sick.' 'And do you live in the neighbourhood?' I demanded.

'You seem very fond of asking questions, child. No, I do not live in this neighbourhood in particular, I travel

From this time the old man and myself formed an acquaintance; I often accompanied him in his wanderings

about the neighbourhood, and, on two or three occasions, assisted him in catching the reptiles which he

hunted. He generally carried a viper with him which he had made quite tame, and from which he had

extracted the poisonous fangs; it would dance and perform various kinds of tricks. He was fond of telling me

anecdotes connected with his adventures with the reptile species. 'But,' said he one day, sighing, 'I must

shortly give up this business, I am no longer the man I was, I am become timid, and when a person is timid in

viper hunting, he had better leave off, as it is quite clear his virtue is leaving him. I got a fright some years

ago, which I am quite sure I shall never get the better of; my hand has been shaky more or less ever since.'

'What frightened you?' said I. 'I had better not tell you,' said the old man, 'or you may be frightened too, lose

your virtue, and be no longer good for the business.' 'I don't care,' said I; 'I don't intend to follow the business:

I daresay I shall be an officer, like my father.' 'Well,' said the old man, 'I once saw the king of the vipers, and

since then ' 'The king of the vipers!' said I, interrupting him; 'have the vipers a king?' 'As sure as we have,'

said the old man 'as sure as we have King George to rule over us, have these reptiles a king to rule over

them.' 'And where did you see him?' said I. 'I will tell you,' said the old man, 'though I don't like talking about

the matter. It may be about seven years ago that I happened to be far down yonder to the west, on the other

side of England, nearly two hundred miles from here, following my business. It was a very sultry day, I

remember, and I had been out several hours catching creatures. It might be about three o'clock in the

afternoon, when I found myself on some heathy land near the sea, on the ridge of a hill, the side of which,

nearly as far down as the sea, was heath; but on the top there was arable ground, which had been planted, and

from which the harvest had been gathered oats or barley, I know not which but I remember that the

ground was covered with stubble. Well, about three o'clock, as I told you before, what with the heat of the

day and from having walked about for hours in a lazy way, I felt very tired; so I determined to have a sleep,

and I laid myself down, my head just on the ridge of the hill, towards the field, and my body over the side

down amongst the heath; my bag, which was nearly filled with creatures, lay at a little distance from my face;

the creatures were struggling in it, I remember, and I thought to myself, how much more comfortably off I

was than they; I was taking my ease on the nice open hill, cooled with the breezes, whilst they were in the

nasty close bag, coiling about one another, and breaking their very hearts, all to no purpose: and I felt quite

comfortable and happy in the thought, and little by little closed my eyes, and fell into the sweetest snooze that

ever I was in in all my life; and there I lay over the hill's side, with my head half in the field, I don't know

how long, all dead asleep. At last it seemed to me that I heard a noise in my sleep, something like a thing

moving, very faint, however, far away; then it died, and then it came again upon my ear as I slept, and now it

appeared almost as if I heard crackle, crackle; then it died again, or I became yet more dead asleep than

before, I know not which, but I certainly lay some time without hearing it. All of a sudden I became awake,

and there was I, on the ridge of the hill, with my cheek on the ground towards the stubble, with a noise in my

ear like that of something moving towards me amongst the stubble of the field; well, I lay a moment or two

listening to the noise, and then I became frightened, for I did not like the noise at all, it sounded so odd; so I

rolled myself on my belly, and looked towards the stubble. Mercy upon us! there was a huge snake, or rather

a dreadful viper, for it was all yellow and gold, moving towards me, bearing its head about a foot and a half

above the ground, the dry stubble crackling beneath its outrageous belly. It might be about five yards off

when I first saw it, making straight towards me, child, as if it would devour me. I lay quite still, for I was

stupefied with horror, whilst the creature came still nearer; and now it was nearly upon me, when it suddenly

drew back a little, and then what do you think? it lifted its head and chest high in the air, and high over

my face as I looked up, flickering at me with its tongue as if it would fly at my face. Child, what I felt at that

moment I can scarcely say, but it was a sufficient punishment for all the sins I ever committed; and there we

two were, I looking up at the viper, and the viper looking down upon me, flickering at me with its tongue. It

was only the kindness of God that saved me: all at once there was a loud noise, the report of a gun, for a

fowler was shooting at a covey of birds, a little way off in the stubble. Whereupon the viper sunk its head,

and immediately made off over the ridge of the hill, down in the direction of the sea. As it passed by me,

however and it passed close by me it hesitated a moment, as if it was doubtful whether it should not seize

me; it did not, however, but made off down the hill. It has often struck me that he was angry with me, and

came upon me unawares for presuming to meddle with his people, as I have always been in the habit of

'How do I know!' said the old man, 'who else should it be? There was as much difference between it and other

'Of course,' said the old man; 'I have never seen him myself, but I have heard people say that he is a ten times

greater man than other folks; indeed, it stands to reason that he must be different from the rest, else people

would not be so eager to see him. Do you think, child, that people would be fools enough to run a matter of

'Yes,' said the old man, 'or something much the same, and a queer one he is; not quite so big as King George,

'Why, you were talking about the vipers in your bag breaking their hearts, and so on, and their king coming to

help them. Now, suppose the French king should hear of his people being in trouble at Norman Cross, and '

'He can't come, child,' said the old man, rubbing his hands, 'the water lies between. The French don't like the

When the old man left the country, which he did a few days after the conversation which I have just related,

he left me the reptile which he had tamed and rendered quite harmless by removing the fangs. I was in the

habit of feeding it with milk, and frequently carried it abroad with me in my walks.

Faltering tone Little basket High opinion Plenty of good Keeping guard Tilted cart Rubricals

Jasper The right sort The horseman of the lane John Newton The alarm Gentle brothers.

ONE day it happened that, being on my rambles, I entered a green lane which I had never seen before; at first

it was rather narrow, but as I advanced it became considerably wider; in the middle was a driftway with deep

ruts, but right and left was a space carpeted with a sward of trefoil and clover; there was no lack of trees,

chiefly ancient oaks, which, flinging out their arms from either side, nearly formed a canopy, and afforded a

pleasing shelter from the rays of the sun, which was burning fiercely above. Suddenly a group of objects

attracted my attention. Beneath one of the largest of the trees, upon the grass, was a kind of low tent or booth,

from the top of which a thin smoke was curling; beside it stood a couple of light carts, whilst two or three

lean horses or ponies were cropping the herbage which was growing nigh. Wondering to whom this odd tent

could belong, I advanced till I was close before it, when I found that it consisted of two tilts, like those of

waggons, placed upon the ground and fronting each other, connected behind by a sail or large piece of canvas

which was but partially drawn across the top; upon the ground, in the intervening space, was a fire, over

which, supported by a kind of iron crowbar, hung a caldron; my advance had been so noiseless as not to

alarm the inmates, who consisted of a man and woman, who sat apart, one on each side of the fire; they were

both busily employed the man was carding plaited straw, whilst the woman seemed to be rubbing

something with a white powder, some of which lay on a plate beside her; suddenly the man looked up, and,

perceiving me, uttered a strange kind of cry, and the next moment both the woman and himself were on their

I retreated a few steps, yet without turning to flee. I was not, however, without apprehension, which, indeed,

the appearance of these two people was well calculated to inspire: the woman was a stout figure, seemingly

between thirty and forty; she wore no cap, and her long hair fell on either side of her head like horsetails

halfway down her waist; her skin was dark and swarthy, like that of a toad, and the expression of her

countenance was particularly evil; her arms were bare, and her bosom was but half concealed by a slight

bodice, below which she wore a coarse petticoat, her only other article of dress. The man was somewhat

younger, but of a figure equally wild; his frame was long and lathy, but his arms were remarkably short, his

neck was rather bent, he squinted slightly, and his mouth was much awry; his complexion was dark, but,

unlike that of the woman, was more ruddy than livid; there was a deep scar on his cheek, something like the

impression of a halfpenny. The dress was quite in keeping with the figure: in his hat, which was slightly

peaked, was stuck a peacock's feather; over a waistcoat of hide, untanned and with the hair upon it, he wore a

rough jerkin of russet hue; smallclothes of leather, which had probably once belonged to a soldier, but with

which pipeclay did not seem to have come in contact for many a year, protected his lower man as far as the

knee; his legs were cased in long stockings of blue worsted, and on his shoes he wore immense

Such were the two beings who now came rushing upon me; the man was rather in advance, brandishing a

'So I have caught you at last,' said he; 'I'll teach ye, you young highwayman, to come skulking about my

Young as I was, I remarked that his manner of speaking was different from that of any people with whom I

had been in the habit of associating. It was quite as strange as his appearance, and yet it nothing resembled

the foreign English which I had been in the habit of hearing through the palisades of the prison; he could

'Your properties!' said I; 'I am in the King's Lane. Why did you put them there, if you did not wish them to be

'On the spy,' said the woman, 'hey? I'll drown him in the sludge in the toadpond over the hedge.'

'Drown me, will you?' said I; 'I should like to see you! What's all this about? Was it because I saw you with

And it will be as well here to observe, that at this time there was much bad money in circulation in the

neighbourhood, generally supposed to be fabricated by the prisoners, so that this false coin and straw plait

'Leave him to me, wifelkin,' said the man, interposing; 'you shall now see how I'll baste him down the lane.'

MYSELF. I tell you what, my chap, you had better put down that thing of yours; my father lies concealed

within my tepid breast, and if to me you offer any harm or wrong, I'll call him forth to help me with his

MAN. What do you mean, ye Bengui's bantling? I never heard such discourse in all my life: playman's

speech or Frenchman's talk which, I wonder? Your father! Tell the mumping villain that if he comes near

my fire I'll serve him out as I will you. Take that Tiny Jesus! what have we got here? Oh, delicate Jesus!

I had made a motion which the viper understood; and now, partly disengaging itself from my bosom, where it

had lain perdu, it raised its head to a level with my face, and stared upon my enemy with its glittering eyes.

The man stood like one transfixed, and the ladle, with which he had aimed a blow at me, now hung in the air

like the hand which held it; his mouth was extended, and his cheeks became of a pale yellow, save alone that

place which bore the mark which I have already described, and this shone now portentously, like fire. He

stood in this manner for some time; at last the ladle fell from his hand, and its falling appeared to rouse him

'I say, wifelkin,' said he, in a faltering tone, 'did you ever see the like of this here?'

But the woman had retreated to the tent, from the entrance of which her loathly face was now thrust, with an

expression partly of terror and partly of curiosity. After gazing some time longer at the viper and myself, the

man stooped down and took up the ladle; then, as if somewhat more assured, he moved to the tent, where he

entered into conversation with the beldame in a low voice. Of their discourse, though I could hear the greater

part of it, I understood not a single word; and I wondered what it could be, for I knew by the sound that it was

not French. At last the man, in a somewhat louder tone, appeared to put a question to the woman, who

nodded her head affirmatively, and in a moment or two produced a small stool, which she delivered to him.

He placed it on the ground, close by the door of the tent, first rubbing it with his sleeve, as if for the purpose

MAN. Now, my precious little gentleman, do sit down here by the poor people's tent; we wish to be civil in

our slight way. Don't be angry, and say no; but look kindly upon us, and satisfied, my precious little God

WOMAN. Yes, my gorgeous angel, sit down by the poor bodies' fire, and eat a sweetmeat. We want to ask

MYSELF. I can sit down, and bid the serpent go to sleep, that's easy enough; but as for eating a sweetmeat,

WOMAN. Never fear, my tiny tawny, we can give you one, such as you never ate, I daresay, however far you

The serpent sank into its usual restingplace, and I sat down on the stool. The woman opened a box, and took

out a strange little basket or hamper, not much larger than a man's fist, and formed of a delicate kind of

matting. It was sewed at the top; but, ripping it open with a knife, she held it to me, and I saw, to my surprise,

that it contained candied fruits of a dark green hue, tempting enough to one of my age. 'There, my tiny,' said

The beldame leered upon me for a moment, then, nodding her head thrice, with a knowing look, said, 'Who

Now, I knew nothing about the matter; but I saw that these strange people had conceived a very high opinion

of the abilities of their visitor, which I was nothing loth to encourage. I therefore answered boldly, 'Ah! who

'Certainly,' said the man; 'who should know better than yourself, or so well? And now, my tiny one, let me

MAN. Of course, my gorgeous, of course you would; and quite right too. Meddle with you! what right have

we? I should say, it would not be quite safe. I see how it is; you are one of them there; and he bent his head

MYSELF. Yes, I am one of them for I thought he was alluding to the soldiers, you had best mind what

MAN. Don't doubt we will for our own sake; Lord bless you, wifelkin, only think that we should see one of

them there when we least thought about it. Well, I have heard of such things, though I never thought to see

one; however, seeing is believing. Well! now you are come, and are not going to do us any mischief, I hope

MAN. What good? plenty! Would you not bring us luck? I have heard say that one of them there always

does, if it will but settle down. Stay with us, you shall have a tilted cart all to yourself if you like. We'll make

MYSELF. That would be nice; and, if you were to give me plenty of these things, I should have no objection.

MAN. Why not? he would be with you; and kindly would we treat him. Indeed, without your father you

MYSELF. That's true; but I do not think he could be spared from his regiment. I have heard him say that they

MYSELF. What do I mean! why, that my father is an officerman at the barracks yonder, keeping guard

MYSELF. Why, yes; but who would have thought you would have believed it? It is a tame one. I hunt vipers,

The man and woman, who during this conversation had resumed their former positions within the tent,

looked at each other with a queer look of surprise, as if somewhat disconcerted at what they now heard. They

then entered into discourse with each other in the same strange tongue which had already puzzled me. At

length the man looked me in the face, and said, somewhat hesitatingly, 'So you are not one of them there after

MAN. Why, we have been thinking you were a goblin a devilkin! However, I see how it is: you are a

sapengro, a chap who catches snakes, and plays tricks with them! Well, it comes very nearly to the same

thing; and if you please to list with us, and bear us pleasant company, we shall be glad of you. I'd take my

oath upon it, that we might make a mort of money by you and that sap, and the tricks it could do; and, as you

seem fly to everything, I shouldn't wonder if you would make a prime hand at telling fortunes.

MAN. Of course. And you might still be our God Almighty, or at any rate our clergyman, so you should live

in a tilted cart by yourself, and say prayers to us night and morning to wifelkin here, and all our family;

there's plenty of us when we are all together: as I said before, you seem fly, I shouldn't wonder if you could

'Oh yes!' said I, 'I can read'; and, eager to display my accomplishments, I took my book out of my pocket,

and, opening it at random, proceeded to read how a certain man, whilst wandering about a certain solitary

island, entered a cave, the mouth of which was overgrown with brushwood, and how he was nearly

'That will do,' said the man; 'that's the kind of prayers for me and my family, aren't they, wifelkin? I never

heard more delicate prayers in all my life! Why, they beat the rubricals hollow! and here comes my son

Jasper. I say, Jasper, here's a young sapengro that can read, and is more fly than yourself. Shake hands with

With a swift but stealthy pace Jasper came towards us from the farther part of the lane; on reaching the tent

he stood still, and looked fixedly upon me as I sat upon the stool; I looked fixedly upon him. A queer look

had Jasper; he was a lad of some twelve or thirteen years, with long arms, unlike the singular being who

called himself his father; his complexion was ruddy, but his face was seamed, though it did not bear the

peculiar scar which disfigured the countenance of the other; nor, though roguish enough, a certain evil

expression which that of the other bore, and which the face of the woman possessed in a yet more remarkable

degree. For the rest, he wore drab breeches, with certain strings at the knee, a rather gay waistcoat, and

tolerably white shirt; under his arm he bore a mighty whip of whalebone with a brass knob, and upon his head

'Can he box, father?' said Jasper, surveying me rather contemptuously. 'I should think not, he looks so puny

'Hold your peace, fool!' said the man; 'he can do more than that I tell you he's fly: he carries a sap about,

'What, a sapengro!' said the boy, with a singular whine, and, stooping down, he leered curiously in my face,

kindly, however, and then patted me on the head. 'A sapengro,' he ejaculated; 'lor!'

'Yes, and one of the right sort,' said the man; 'I am glad we have met with him, he is going to list with us, and

'Your father; bah!' but here he stopped, for a sound was heard like the rapid galloping of a horse, not loud

and distinct as on a road, but dull and heavy as if upon a grass sward; nearer and nearer it came, and the man,

starting up, rushed out of the tent, and looked around anxiously. I arose from the stool upon which I had been

seated, and just at that moment, amidst a crashing of boughs and sticks, a man on horseback bounded over the

hedge into the lane at a few yards' distance from where we were: from the impetus of the leap the horse was

nearly down on his knees; the rider, however, by dint of vigorous handling of the reins, prevented him from

falling, and then rode up to the tent. ''Tis Nat,' said the man; 'what brings him here?' The newcomer was a

stout burly fellow, about the middle age; he had a savage determined look, and his face was nearly covered

over with carbuncles; he wore a broad slouching hat, and was dressed in a gray coat, cut in a fashion which I

afterwards learnt to be the genuine Newmarket cut, the skirts being exceedingly short; his waistcoat was of

red plush, and he wore broad corduroy breeches and white topboots. The steed which carried him was of

iron gray, spirited and powerful, but covered with sweat and foam. The fellow glanced fiercely and

suspiciously around, and said something to the man of the tent in a harsh and rapid voice. A short and hurried

conversation ensued in the strange tongue. I could not take my eyes off this newcomer. Oh, that

halfjockey, halfbruiser countenance, I never forgot it! More than fifteen years afterwards I found myself

amidst a crowd before Newgate; a gallows was erected, and beneath it stood a criminal, a notorious

malefactor. I recognised him at once; the horseman of the lane is now beneath the fatal tree, but nothing

altered; still the same man; jerking his head to the right and left with the same fierce and under glance, just as

if the affairs of this world had the same kind of interest to the last; gray coat of Newmarket cut, plush

waistcoat, corduroys, and boots, nothing altered; but the head, alas! is bare, and so is the neck. Oh, crime and

virtue, virtue and crime! it was old John Newton, I think, who, when he saw a man going to be hanged,

But the lane, the lane, all was now in confusion in the lane; the man and woman were employed in striking

the tents and in making hurried preparations for departure; the boy Jasper was putting the harness upon the

ponies and attaching them to the carts; and, to increase the singularity of the scene, two or three wildlooking

women and girls, in red cloaks and immense black beaver bonnets, came from I know not what direction,

and, after exchanging a few words with the others, commenced with fierce and agitated gestures to assist

them in their occupation. The rider meanwhile sat upon his horse, but evidently in a state of great impatience;

he muttered curses between his teeth, spurred the animal furiously, and then reined it in, causing it to rear

itself up nearly perpendicular. At last he said, 'Curse ye for Romans, how slow ye are! well, it is no business

of mine, stay here all day if you like; I have given ye warning, I am off to the big north road. However, before

'Truly spoken, Nat, my pal,' said the man; 'give it him, mother. There it is; now be off as soon as you please,

The woman had handed him two bags formed of stocking, half full of something heavy, which looked

through them for all the world like money of some kind. The fellow, on receiving them, thrust them without

ceremony into the pockets of his coat, and then, without a word of farewell salutation, departed at a

tremendous rate, the hoofs of his horse thundering for a long time on the hard soil of the neighbouring road,

till the sound finally died away in the distance. The strange people were not slow in completing their

preparations, and then, flogging their animals terrifically, hurried away seemingly in the same direction.

The boy Jasper was last of the band. As he was following the rest, he stopped suddenly, and looked on the

ground appearing to muse; then, turning round, he came up to me where I was standing, leered in my face,

and then, thrusting out his hand, he said, 'Goodbye, Sap, I daresay we shall meet again, remember we are

Then whining forth, 'What a sapengro, lor!' he gave me a parting leer, and hastened away.

I remained standing in the lane gazing after the retreating company. 'A strange set of people,' said I at last;

Three years Lilly's grammar Proficiency Ignorant of figures The school bell Order of succession

Persecution What are we to do? Northward A goodly scene Haunted ground Feats of chivalry

YEARS passed on, even three years; during this period I had increased considerably in stature and in

strength, and, let us hope, improved in mind; for I had entered on the study of the Latin language. The very

first person to whose care I was intrusted for the acquisition of Latin was an old friend of my fathers, a

clergyman who kept a seminary at a town the very next we visited after our departure from 'the Cross.' Under

his instruction, however, I continued only a few weeks, as we speedily left the place. 'Captain,' said this

divine, when my father came to take leave of him on the eve of our departure, 'I have a friendship for you,

and therefore wish to give you a piece of advice concerning this son of yours. You are now removing him

from my care; you do wrong, but we will let that pass. Listen to me: there is but one good schoolbook in the

world the one I use in my seminary Lilly's Latin grammar, in which your son has already made some

progress. If you are anxious for the success of your son in life, for the correctness of his conduct and the

soundness of his principles, keep him to Lilly's grammar. If you can by any means, either fair or foul, induce

him to get by heart Lilly's Latin grammar, you may set your heart at rest with respect to him; I, myself, will

be his warrant. I never yet knew a boy that was induced, either by fair means or foul, to learn Lilly's Latin

My father, who did not understand the classical languages, received with respect the advice of his old friend,

and from that moment conceived the highest opinion of Lilly's Latin grammar. During three years I studied

Lilly's Latin grammar under the tuition of various schoolmasters, for I travelled with the regiment, and in

every town in which we were stationary I was invariably (God bless my father!) sent to the classical academy

of the place. It chanced, by good fortune, that in the generality of these schools the grammar of Lilly was in

use; when, however, that was not the case, it made no difference in my educational course, my father always

stipulating with the masters that I should be daily examined in Lilly. At the end of the three years I had the

whole by heart; you had only to repeat the first two or three words of any sentence in any part of the book,

and forthwith I would open cry, commencing without blundering and hesitation, and continue till you were

glad to beg me to leave off, with many expressions of admiration at my proficiency in the Latin language.

Sometimes, however, to convince you how well I merited these encomiums, I would follow you to the

bottom of the stair, and even into the street, repeating in a kind of singsong measure the sonorous lines of

the golden schoolmaster. If I am here asked whether I understood anything of what I had got by heart, I reply

'Never mind, I understand it all now, and believe that no one ever yet got Lilly's Latin grammar by heart

And, when my father saw that I had accomplished my task, he opened his mouth, and said, 'Truly, this is

more than I expected. I did not think that there had been so much in you, either of application or capacity;

you have now learnt all that is necessary, if my friend Dr. B's opinion was sterling, as I have no doubt it

was. You are still a child, however, and must yet go to school, in order that you may be kept out of evil

company. Perhaps you may still contrive, now you have exhausted the barn, to pick up a grain or two in the

barnyard. You are still ignorant of figures, I believe, not that I would mention figures in the same day with

These words were uttered in a place called , in the north, or in the road to the north, to which, for some time

past, our corps had been slowly advancing. I was sent to the school of the place, which chanced to be a day

school. It was a somewhat extraordinary one, and a somewhat extraordinary event occurred to me within its

It occupied part of the farther end of a small plain, or square, at the outskirts of the town, close to some

extensive bleaching fields. It was a long low building of one room, with no upper story; on the top was a kind

of wooden box, or sconce, which I at first mistook for a pigeonhouse, but which in reality contained a bell,

to which was attached a rope, which, passing through the ceiling, hung dangling in the middle of the

schoolroom. I am the more particular in mentioning this appurtenance, as I had soon occasion to scrape

acquaintance with it in a manner not very agreeable to my feelings. The master was very proud of his bell, if I

might judge from the fact of his eyes being frequently turned to that part of the ceiling from which the rope

depended. Twice every day, namely, after the morning and evening tasks had been gone through, were the

boys rung out of school by the monotonous jingle of this bell. This ringing out was rather a lengthy affair,

for, as the master was a man of order and method, the boys were only permitted to go out of the room one by

one; and as they were rather numerous, amounting, at least, to one hundred, and were taught to move at a

pace of suitable decorum, at least a quarter of an hour elapsed from the commencement of the march before

the last boy could make his exit. The office of bellringer was performed by every boy successively; and it so

happened that, the very first day of my attendance at the school, the turn to ring the bell had, by order of

succession, arrived at the place which had been allotted to me; for the master, as I have already observed, was

a man of method and order, and every boy had a particular seat, to which he became a fixture as long as he

So, upon this day, when the tasks were done and completed, and the boys sat with their hats and caps in their

hands, anxiously expecting the moment of dismissal, it was suddenly notified to me, by the urchins who sat

nearest to me, that I must get up and ring the bell. Now, as this was the first time that I had been at the school,

I was totally unacquainted with the process, which I had never seen, and, indeed, had never heard of till that

moment. I therefore sat still, not imagining it possible that any such duty could be required of me. But now,

with not a little confusion, I perceived that the eyes of all the boys in the school were fixed upon me.

Presently there were nods and winks in the direction of the bellrope; and, as these produced no effect,

uncouth visages were made, like those of monkeys when enraged; teeth were gnashed, tongues thrust out, and

even fists were bent at me. The master, who stood at the end of the room, with a huge ferule under his arm,

bent full upon me a look of stern appeal; and the ushers, of whom there were four, glared upon me, each from

his own particular corner, as I vainly turned, in one direction and another, in search of one reassuring look.

But now, probably in obedience to a sign from the master, the boys in my immediate neighbourhood began to

maltreat me. Some pinched me with their fingers, some buffeted me, whilst others pricked me with pins, or

the points of compasses. These arguments were not without effect. I sprang from my seat, and endeavoured to

escape along a double line of benches, thronged with boys of all ages, from the urchin of six or seven to the

nondescript of sixteen or seventeen. It was like running the gauntlet; every one, great or small, pinching,

Goaded on in this manner, I at length reached the middle of the room, where dangled the bellrope, the cause

of all my sufferings. I should have passed it for my confusion was so great that I was quite at a loss to

comprehend what all this could mean, and almost believed myself under the influence of an ugly dream but

now the boys, who were seated in advance in the row, arose with one accord, and barred my farther progress;

and one, doubtless more sensible than the rest, seizing the rope, thrust it into my hand. I now began to

perceive that the dismissal of the school, and my own release from torment, depended upon this selfsame

rope. I therefore, in a fit of desperation, pulled it once or twice, and then left off, naturally supposing that I

had done quite enough. The boys who sat next the door no sooner heard the bell, than, rising from their seats,

they moved out at the door. The bell, however, had no sooner ceased to jingle, than they stopped short, and,

turning round, stared at the master, as much as to say, 'What are we to do now?' This was too much for the

patience of the man of method, which my previous stupidity had already nearly exhausted. Dashing forward

into the middle of the room, he struck me violently on the shoulders with his ferule, and, snatching the rope

out of my hand, exclaimed, with a stentorian voice, and genuine Yorkshire accent, 'Prodigy of ignorance!

dost not even know how to ring a bell? Must I myself instruct thee?' He then commenced pulling at the bell

with such violence that long before half the school was dismissed the rope broke, and the rest of the boys had

But I must not linger here, though I could say much about the school and the pedagogue highly amusing and

diverting, which, however, I suppress, in order to make way for matters of yet greater interest. On we went,

northward, northward! and, as we advanced, I saw that the country was becoming widely different from those

parts of merry England in which we had previously travelled. It was wilder, and less cultivated, and more

broken with hills and hillocks. The people, too, of these regions appeared to partake of something of the

character of their country. They were coarsely dressed; tall and sturdy of frame; their voices were deep and

guttural; and the half of the dialect which they spoke was unintelligible to my ears.

I often wondered where we could be going, for I was at this time about as ignorant of geography as I was of

most other things. However, I held my peace, asked no questions, and patiently awaited the issue.

Northward, northward, still! And it came to pass that, one morning, I found myself extended on the bank of a

river. It was a beautiful morning of early spring; small white clouds were floating in the heaven, occasionally

veiling the countenance of the sun, whose light, as they retired, would again burst forth, coursing like a

racehorse over the scene and a goodly scene it was! Before me, across the water, on an eminence, stood a

white old city, surrounded with lofty walls, above which rose the tops of tall houses, with here and there a

church or steeple. To my right hand was a long and massive bridge, with many arches, and of antique

architecture, which traversed the river. The river was a noble one; the broadest that I had hitherto seen. Its

waters, of a greenish tinge, poured with impetuosity beneath the narrow arches to meet the sea, close at hand,

as the boom of the billows breaking distinctly upon a beach declared. There were songs upon the river from

the fisherbarks; and occasionally a chorus, plaintive and wild, such as I had never heard before, the words of

which I did not understand, but which, at the present time, down the long avenue of years, seem in memory's

ear to sound like 'Horam, coram, dago.' Several robust fellows were near me, some kneedeep in water,

employed in hauling the seine upon the strand. Huge fish were struggling amidst the meshes princely

salmon, their brilliant mail of blue and silver flashing in the morning beam; so goodly and gay a scene, in

And, as I gazed upon the prospect, my bosom began to heave, and my tears to trickle. Was it the beauty of the

scene which gave rise to these emotions? Possibly; for though a poor ignorant child a halfwild creature I

was not insensible to the loveliness of nature, and took pleasure in the happiness and handiworks of my

fellowcreatures. Yet, perhaps, in something more deep and mysterious the feelings which then pervaded me

might originate. Who can lie down on Elvir Hill without experiencing something of the sorcery of the place?

Flee from Elvir Hill, young swain, or the maids of Elle will have power over you, and you will go elf wild!

so say the Danes. I had unconsciously laid myself down upon haunted ground; and I am willing to imagine

that what I then experienced was rather connected with the world of spirits and dreams than with what I

actually saw and heard around me. Surely the elves and genii of the place were conversing, by some

inscrutable means, with the principle of intelligence lurking within the poor uncultivated clod! Perhaps to that

ethereal principle the wonders of the past, as connected with that stream, the glories of the present, and even

the history of the future, were at that moment being revealed! Of how many feats of chivalry had those old

walls been witness, when hostile kings contended for their possession! how many an army from the south

and from the north had trod that old bridge! what red and noble blood had crimsoned those rushing

waters!what strains had been sung, ay, were yet being sung, on its banks! some soft as Doric reed; some

fierce and sharp as those of Norwegian Skaldaglam; some as replete with wild and wizard force as Finland's

runes, singing of Kalevala's moors, and the deeds of Woinomoinen! Honour to thee, thou island stream!

Onward may thou ever roll, fresh and green, rejoicing in thy bright past, thy glorious present, and in vivid

hope of a triumphant future! Flow on, beautiful one! which of the world's streams canst thou envy, with thy

beauty and renown? Stately is the Danube, rolling in its might through lands romantic with the wild exploits

of Turk, Polak, and Magyar! Lovely is the Rhine! on its shelvy banks grows the racy grape; and strange old

keeps of robberknights of yore are reflected in its waters, from picturesque crags and airy headlands! yet

neither the stately Danube nor the beauteous Rhine, with all their fame, though abundant, needst thou envy,

thou pure island stream! and far less yon turbid river of old, not modern renown, gurgling beneath the walls

of what was once proud Rome, towering Rome, Jupiter's town, but now vile Rome, crumbling Rome,

Batuscha's town, far less needst thou envy the turbid Tiber of bygone fame, creeping sadly to the sea,

surcharged with the abominations of modern Rome how unlike to thee, thou pure island stream!

And, as I lay on the bank and wept, there drew nigh to me a man in the habiliments of a fisher. He was

barelegged, of a weather beaten countenance, and of stature approaching to the gigantic. 'What is the

callant greeting for?' said he, as he stopped and surveyed me. 'Has onybody wrought ye ony harm?'

'Not that I know of,' I replied, rather guessing at than understanding his question; 'I was crying because I

'Hout! I now see what you was greeting at at your ain ignorance, nae doubt 'tis very great! Weel, I will na

fash you with reproaches, but even enlighten ye, since you seem a decent man's bairn, and you speir a civil

question. Yon river is called the Tweed; and yonder, over the brig, is Scotland. Did ye never hear of the

'No,' said I, as I rose from the grass, and proceeded to cross the bridge to the town at which we had arrived

the preceding night; 'I never heard of it; but now I have seen it, I shall not soon forget it!'

The Castle A father's inquiries Scotch language A determination Bui hin Digri Good Scotchman

Difference of races Ne'er a haggis Pugnacious people Wha are ye, man? The Nor Loch Gestures

IT was not long before we found ourselves at Edinburgh, or rather in the Castle, into which the regiment

marched with drums beating, colours flying, and a long train of baggagewaggons behind. The Castle was, as

I suppose it is now, a garrison for soldiers. Two other regiments were already there; the one an Irish, if I

It is hardly necessary to say much about this Castle, which everybody has seen; on which account, doubtless,

nobody has ever yet thought fit to describe it at least that I am aware. Be this as it may, I have no intention

of describing it, and shall content myself with observing that we took up our abode in that immense building,

or caserne, of modern erection, which occupies the entire eastern side of the bold rock on which the Castle

stands. A gallant caserne it was the best and roomiest that I had hitherto seen rather cold and windy, it is

true, especially in the winter, but commanding a noble prospect of a range of distant hills, which I was told

were 'the hieland hills,' and of a broad arm of the sea, which I heard somebody say was the Firth of Forth.

My brother, who, for some years past, had been receiving his education in a certain celebrated school in

England, was now with us; and it came to pass, that one day my father, as he sat at table, looked steadfastly

on my brother and myself, and then addressed my mother: 'During my journey down hither, I have lost no

opportunity of making inquiries about these people, the Scotch, amongst whom we now are, and since I have

been here I have observed them attentively. From what I have heard and seen, I should say that upon the

whole they are a very decent set of people; they seem acute and intelligent, and I am told that their system of

education is so excellent that every person is learned more or less acquainted with Greek and Latin. There

is one thing, however, connected with them, which is a great drawback the horrid jargon which they speak.

However learned they may be in Greek and Latin, their English is execrable; and yet I'm told it is not so bad

as it was. I was in company, the other day, with an Englishman who has resided here many years. We were

talking about the country and the people. "I should like both very well," said I, "were it not for the language. I

wish sincerely our Parliament, which is passing so many foolish acts every year, would pass one to force

these Scotch to speak English." "I wish so, too," said he. "The language is a disgrace to the British

Government; but, if you had heard it twenty years ago, captain! if you had heard it as it was spoken when I

'Only custom,' said my mother. 'I daresay the language is now what it was then.'

'I don't know,' said my father; 'though I daresay you are right; it could never have been worse than it is at

present. But now to the point. Were it not for the language, which, if the boys were to pick it up, might ruin

their prospects in life, were it not for that, I should very much like to send them to a school there is in this

place, which everybody talks about the High School I think they call it. 'Tis said to be the best school in the

whole island; but the idea of one's children speaking Scotch broad Scotch! I must think the matter over.'

And he did think the matter over; and the result of his deliberation was a determination to send us to the

school. Let me call thee up before my mind's eye, High School, to which, every morning, the two English

brothers took their way from the proud old Castle through the lofty streets of the Old Town. High School!

called so, I scarcely know why; neither lofty in thyself nor by position, being situated in a flat bottom; oblong

structure of tawny stone, with many windows fenced with iron netting with thy long hall below, and thy

five chambers above, for the reception of the five classes, into which the eight hundred urchins who styled

thee instructress were divided. Thy learned rector and his four subordinate dominies; thy strange old porter of

the tall form and grizzled hair, hight Boee, and doubtless of Norse ancestry, as his name declares; perhaps of

the blood of Bui hin Digri, the hero of northern song the Jomsborg Viking who clove Thorsteinn Midlangr

asunder in the dread sea battle of Horunga Vog, and who, when the fight was lost and his own two hands

smitten off, seized two chests of gold with his bloody stumps, and, springing with them into the sea, cried to

the scanty relics of his crew, 'Overboard now, all Bui's lads!' Yes, I remember all about thee, and how at eight

of every morn we were all gathered together with one accord in the long hall, from which, after the litanies

had been read (for so I will call them, being an Episcopalian), the five classes from the five sets of benches

trotted off in long files, one boy after the other, up the five spiral staircases of stone, each class to its

destination; and well do I remember how we of the third sat hushed and still, watched by the eye of the dux,

until the door opened, and in walked that model of a good Scotchman, the shrewd, intelligent, but

And in this school I began to construe the Latin language, which I had never done before, notwithstanding

my long and diligent study of Lilly, which illustrious grammar was not used at Edinburgh, nor indeed known.

Greek was only taught in the fifth or highest class, in which my brother was; as for myself, I never got

beyond the third during the two years that I remained at this seminary. I certainly acquired here a

considerable insight in the Latin tongue; and, to the scandal of my father and horror of my mother, a thorough

proficiency in the Scotch, which, in less than two months, usurped the place of the English, and so obstinately

maintained its ground, that I still can occasionally detect its lingering remains. I did not spend my time

unpleasantly at this school, though, first of all, I had to pass through an ordeal.

'Scotland is a better country than England,' said an ugly, blear eyed lad, about a head and shoulders taller

than myself, the leader of a gang of varlets who surrounded me in the playground, on the first day, as soon as

the morning lesson was over. 'Scotland is a far better country than England, in every respect.'

'Is it?' said I. 'Then you ought to be very thankful for not having been born in England.'

'That's just what I am, ye loon; and every morning, when I say my prayers, I thank God for not being an

'It may be so,' said I, 'for what I know indeed, till I came here, I never heard a word either about the Scotch

'Are ye making fun of us, ye English puppy?' said the bleareyed lad; 'take that!' and I was presently beaten

black and blue. And thus did I first become aware of the difference of races and their antipathy to each other.

'Bow to the storm, and it shall pass over you.' I held my peace, and silently submitted to the superiority of the

Scotch IN NUMBERS. This was enough; from an object of persecution I soon became one of patronage,

especially amongst the champions of the class. 'The English,' said the bleareyed lad, 'though a wee bit

behind the Scotch in strength and fortitude, are nae to be sneezed at, being far ahead of the Irish, to say

nothing of the French, a pack of cowardly scoundrels. And with regard to the English country, it is na

Scotland, it is true, but it has its gude properties; and, though there is ne'er a haggis in a' the land, there's an

unco deal o' gowd and siller. I respect England, for I have an auntie married there.'

The Scotch are certainly a most pugnacious people; their whole history proves it. Witness their incessant wars

with the English in the olden time, and their internal feuds, highland and lowland, clan with clan, family with

family, Saxon with Gael. In my time, the schoolboys, for want, perhaps, of English urchins to contend with,

were continually fighting with each other; every noon there was at least one pugilistic encounter, and

sometimes three. In one month I witnessed more of these encounters than I had ever previously seen under

similar circumstances in England. After all, there was not much harm done. Harm! what harm could result

from short chopping blows, a hug, and a tumble? I was witness to many a sounding whack, some blood shed,

'a blue ee' now and then, but nothing more. In England, on the contrary, where the lads were comparatively

mild, gentle, and pacific, I had been present at more than one death caused by blows in boyish combats, in

which the oldest of the victors had scarcely reached thirteen years; but these blows were in the jugular, given

But the Scotch though by no means proficients in boxing (and how should they box, seeing that they have

never had a teacher?) are, I repeat, a most pugnacious people; at least they were in my time. Anything

served them, that is, the urchins, as a pretence for a fray, or, Dorically speaking, a BICKER; every street and

close was at feud with its neighbour; the lads of the school were at feud with the young men of the college,

whom they pelted in winter with snow, and in summer with stones; and then the feud between the old and

One day I was standing on the ramparts of the Castle on the south western side which overhangs the green

brae, where it slopes down into what was in those days the green swamp or morass, called by the natives of

Auld Reekie the Nor Loch; it was a dark gloomy day, and a thin veil of mist was beginning to settle down

upon the brae and the morass. I could perceive, however, that there was a skirmish taking place in the latter

spot. I had an indistinct view of two parties apparently of urchins and I heard whoops and shrill cries:

eager to know the cause of this disturbance, I left the Castle, and descending the brae reached the borders of

the morass, where were a runnel of water and the remains of an old wall, on the other side of which a narrow

path led across the swamp: upon this path at a little distance before me there was 'a bicker.' I pushed forward,

but had scarcely crossed the ruined wall and runnel, when the party nearest to me gave way, and in great

confusion came running in my direction. As they drew nigh, one of them shouted to me, 'Wha are ye, man?

are ye o' the Auld Toon?' I made no answer. 'Ha! ye are o' the New Toon; De'il tak ye, we'll moorder ye'; and

the next moment a huge stone sung past my head. 'Let me be, ye fule bodies,' said I, 'I'm no of either of ye, I

live yonder aboon in the Castle.' 'Ah! ye live in the Castle; then ye're an auld tooner; come gie us your help,

man, and dinna stand there staring like a dunnot, we want help sair eneugh. Here are stanes.'

For my own part I wished for nothing better, and, rushing forward, I placed myself at the head of my new

associates, and commenced flinging stones fast and desperately. The other party now gave way in their turn,

closely followed by ourselves; I was in the van, and about to stretch out my hand to seize the hindermost boy

of the enemy, when, not being acquainted with the miry and difficult paths of the Nor Loch, and in my

eagerness taking no heed of my footing, I plunged into a quagmire, into which I sank as far as my shoulders.

Our adversaries no sooner perceived this disaster, than, setting up a shout, they wheeled round and attacked

us most vehemently. Had my comrades now deserted me, my life had not been worth a straw's purchase, I

should either have been smothered in the quag, or, what is more probable, had my brains beaten out with

stones; but they behaved like true Scots, and fought stoutly around their comrade, until I was extricated,

'Ye are na a bad hand at flinging stanes,' said the lad who first addressed me, as we now returned up the brae;

'your aim is right dangerous, mon, I saw how ye skelpit them, ye maun help us agin thae New Toon

So to the next bicker I went, and to many more, which speedily followed as the summer advanced; the party

to which I had given my help on the first occasion consisted merely of outlyers, posted about halfway up the

Did the latter draw nigh in any considerable force, messengers were forthwith despatched to the 'Auld Toon,'

especially to the filthy alleys and closes of the High Street, which forthwith would disgorge swarms of

bareheaded and barefooted 'callants,' who, with gestures wild and 'eldrich screech and hollo,' might

frequently be seen pouring down the sides of the hill. I have seen upwards of a thousand engaged on either

side in these frays, which I have no doubt were full as desperate as the fights described in the ILIAD, and

which were certainly much more bloody than the combats of modern Greece in the war of independence: the

callants not only employed their hands in hurling stones, but not unfrequently slings; at the use of which they

were very expert, and which occasionally dislodged teeth, shattered jaws, or knocked out an eye. Our

opponents certainly laboured under considerable disadvantage, being compelled not only to wade across a

deceitful bog, but likewise to clamber up part of a steep hill, before they could attack us; nevertheless, their

determination was such, and such their impetuosity, that we had sometimes difficulty enough to maintain our

own. I shall never forget one bicker, the last indeed which occurred at that time, as the authorities of the

town, alarmed by the desperation of its character, stationed forthwith a body of police on the hillside, to

It was a beautiful Sunday evening, the rays of the descending sun were reflected redly from the gray walls of

the Castle, and from the black rocks on which it was founded. The bicker had long since commenced, stones

from sling and hand were flying; but the callants of the New Town were now carrying everything before

A fullgrown baker's apprentice was at their head; he was foaming with rage, and had taken the field, as I

was told, in order to avenge his brother, whose eye had been knocked out in one of the late bickers. He was

no slinger or flinger, but brandished in his right hand the spoke of a cartwheel, like my countryman Tom

Hickathrift of old in his encounter with the giant of the Lincolnshire fen. Protected by a piece of

wickerwork attached to his left arm, he rushed on to the fray, disregarding the stones which were showered

against him, and was ably seconded by his followers. Our own party was chased halfway up the hill, where I

was struck to the ground by the baker, after having been foiled in an attempt which I had made to fling a

handful of earth into his eyes. All now appeared lost, the Auld Toon was in full retreat. I myself lay at the

baker's feet, who had just raised his spoke, probably to give me the COUP DE GRACE, it was an awful

moment. Just then I heard a shout and a rushing sound; a wildlooking figure is descending the hill with

terrible bounds; it is a lad of some fifteen years; he is bareheaded, and his red uncombed hair stands on end

like hedgehogs' bristles: his frame is lithy, like that of an antelope, but he has prodigious breadth of chest; he

wears a military undress, that of the regiment, even of a drummer, for it is wild Davy, whom a month before I

had seen enlisted on Leith Links to serve King George with drum and drumstick as long as his services might

be required, and who, ere a week had elapsed, had smitten with his fist DrumMajor Elzigood, who, incensed

at his inaptitude, had threatened him with his cane; he has been in confinement for weeks, this is the first day

of his liberation, and he is now descending the hill with horrid bounds and shoutings; he is now about five

yards distant, and the baker, who apprehends that something dangerous is at hand, prepares himself for the

encounter; but what avails the strength of a baker, even full grown? what avails the defence of a wicker

shield? what avails the wheel spoke, should there be an opportunity of using it, against the impetus of an

avalanche or a cannonball? for to either of these might that wild figure be compared, which, at the

distance of five yards, sprang at once with head, hands, feet and body, all together, upon the champion of the

New Town, tumbling him to the earth amain. And now it was the turn of the Old Town to triumph. Our late

discomfited host, returning on its steps, overwhelmed the fallen champion with blows of every kind, and

then, led on by his vanquisher, who had assumed his arms, namely, the wheelspoke and wicker shield, fairly

cleared the brae of their adversaries, whom they drove down headlong into the morass.

Expert climbers The crags Something red The horrible edge David Haggart Fine materials The

MEANWHILE I had become a daring cragsman, a character to which an English lad has seldom

opportunities of aspiring; for in England there are neither crags nor mountains. Of these, however, as is well

known, there is no lack in Scotland, and the habits of individuals are invariably in harmony with the country

in which they dwell. The Scotch are expert climbers, and I was now a Scot in most things, particularly in

language. The Castle in which I dwelt stood upon a rock, a bold and craggy one, which, at first sight, would

seem to bid defiance to any feet save those of goats and chamois; but patience and perseverance generally

enable mankind to overcome things which, at first sight, appear impossible. Indeed, what is there above man's

exertions? Unwearied determination will enable him to run with the horse, to swim with the fish, and

assuredly to compete with the chamois and the goat in agility and sureness of foot. To scale the rock was

merely child's play for the Edinbro' callants. It was my own favourite diversion. I soon found that the rock

contained all manner of strange crypts, crannies, and recesses, where owls nestled, and the weasel brought

forth her young; here and there were small natural platforms, overgrown with long grass and various kinds of

plants, where the climber, if so disposed, could stretch himself, and either give his eyes to sleep or his mind

to thought; for capital places were these same platforms either for repose or meditation. The boldest features

of the rock are descried on the northern side, where, after shelving down gently from the wall for some

distance, it terminates abruptly in a precipice, black and horrible, of some three hundred feet at least, as if the

axe of nature had been here employed cutting sheer down, and leaving behind neither excrescence nor spur

a dizzy precipice it is, assimilating much to those so frequent in the flinty hills of Northern Africa, and

exhibiting some distant resemblance to that of Gibraltar, towering in its horridness above the Neutral Ground.

It was now holiday time, and having nothing particular wherewith to occupy myself, I not unfrequently

passed the greater part of the day upon the rocks. Once, after scaling the western crags, and creeping round a

sharp angle of the wall, overhung by a kind of watchtower, I found myself on the northern side. Still

keeping close to the wall, I was proceeding onward, for I was bent upon a long excursion which should

embrace half the circuit of the Castle, when suddenly my eye was attracted by the appearance of something

red, far below me; I stopped short, and, looking fixedly upon it, perceived that it was a human being in a kind

of red jacket, seated on the extreme verge of the precipice which I have already made a faint attempt to

describe. Wondering who it could be, I shouted; but it took not the slightest notice, remaining as immovable

as the rock on which it sat. 'I should never have thought of going near that edge,' said I to myself; 'however,

as you have done it, why should not I? And I should like to know who you are.' So I commenced the descent

of the rock, but with great care, for I had as yet never been in a situation so dangerous; a slight moisture

exuded from the palms of my hands, my nerves were tingling, and my brain was somewhat dizzy and now I

had arrived within a few yards of the figure, and had recognised it: it was the wild drummer who had turned

the tide of battle in the bicker on the Castle Brae. A small stone which I dislodged now rolled down the rock,

and tumbled into the abyss close beside him. He turned his head, and after looking at me for a moment

somewhat vacantly, he resumed his former attitude. I drew yet nearer to the horrible edge not close, however,

'What are you thinking of, David?' said I, as I sat behind him and trembled, for I repeat that I was afraid.

MYSELF. You had better be thinking of yourself, man. A strange place this to come to and think of William

MYSELF. You mean the auld ruin by the side of the Nor Loch the ugly stane bulk, from the foot of which

MYSELF. And why were ye thinking of him? The English hanged him long since, as I have heard say.

DAVID HAGGART. I wadna flinch from that, Geordie, if I might be a great man first.

MYSELF. And wha kens, Davie, how great you may be, even without hanging? Are ye not in the high road

of preferment? Are ye not a bauld drummer already? Wha kens how high ye may rise? perhaps to be general,

DAVID HAGGART. I hae nae wish to be drummajor; it were nae great things to be like the doited carle,

Elsethangude, as they call him; and, troth, he has nae his name for naething. But I should have nae

objection to be a general, and to fight the French and Americans, and win myself a name and a fame like

Willie Wallace, and do brave deeds, such as I have been reading about in his story book.

MYSELF. Ye are a fule, Davie; the story book is full of lies. Wallace, indeed! the wuddie rebel! I have heard

DAVID HAGGART. Ye had better sae naething agin Willie Wallace, Geordie, for, if ye do, De'il hae me, if I

Fine materials in that lad for a hero, you will say. Yes, indeed, for a hero, or for what he afterwards became.

In other times, and under other circumstances, he might have made what is generally termed a great man, a

patriot, or a conqueror. As it was, the very qualities which might then have pushed him on to fortune and

renown were the cause of his ruin. The war over, he fell into evil courses; for his wild heart and ambitious

'Can an Arabian steed submit to be a vile drudge?' I cries the fatalist. Nonsense! A man is not an irrational

creature, but a reasoning being, and has something within him beyond mere brutal instinct. The greatest

victory which a man can achieve is over himself, by which is meant those unruly passions which are not

convenient to the time and place. David did not do this; he gave the reins to his wild heart, instead of curbing

it, and became a robber, and, alas! alas! he shed blood under peculiar circumstances, it is true, and without

MALICE PREPENSE and for that blood he eventually died, and justly; for it was that of the warden of a

prison from which he was escaping, and whom he slew with one blow of his stalwart arm.

Tamerlane and Haggart! Haggart and Tamerlane! Both these men were robbers, and of low birth, yet one

perished on an ignoble scaffold, and the other died emperor of the world. Is this justice? The ends of the two

men were widely dissimilar yet what is the intrinsic difference between them? Very great indeed; the one

acted according to his lights and his country, not so the other. Tamerlane was a heathen, and acted according

to his lights; he was a robber where all around were robbers, but he became the avenger of God God's

scourge on unjust kings, on the cruel Bajazet, who had plucked out his own brothers' eyes; he became to a

certain extent the purifier of the East, its regenerator; his equal never was before, nor has it since been seen.

Here the wild heart was profitably employed, the wild strength, the teeming brain. Onward, Lame one!

But peace to thee, poor David! why should a mortal worm be sitting in judgment over thee? The Mighty and

Just One has already judged thee, and perhaps above thou hast received pardon for thy crimes, which could

not be pardoned here below; and now that thy feverish existence has closed, and thy once active form become

inanimate dust, thy very memory all but forgotten, I will say a few words about thee, a few words soon also

to be forgotten. Thou wast the most extraordinary robber that ever lived within the belt of Britain; Scotland

rang with thy exploits, and England, too, north of the Humber; strange deeds also didst thou achieve when,

fleeing from justice, thou didst find thyself in the Sister Isle; busy wast thou there in town and on curragh, at

fair and racecourse, and also in the solitary place. Ireland thought thee her child, for who spoke her brogue

better than thyself? she felt proud of thee, and said, 'Sure, O'Hanlon is come again.' What might not have

been thy fate in the far west in America, whither thou hadst turned thine eye, saying, 'I will go there, and

become an honest man!' But thou wast not to go there, David the blood which thou hadst shed in Scotland

was to be required of thee; the avenger was at hand, the avenger of blood. Seized, manacled, brought back to

thy native land, condemned to die, thou wast left in thy narrow cell, and told to make the most of thy time, for

it was short: and there, in thy narrow cell, and thy time so short, thou didst put the crowning stone to thy

strange deeds, by that strange history of thyself, penned by thy own hand in the robber tongue. Thou mightest

have been better employed, David! but the ruling passion was strong with thee, even in the jaws of death.

Thou mightest have been better employed! but peace be with thee, I repeat, and the Almighty's grace and

Napoleon The storm The cove Up the country The trembling hand Irish Tough battle Tipperary

ONWARD, onward! and after we had sojourned in Scotland nearly two years, the long continental war had

been brought to an end, Napoleon was humbled for a time, and the Bourbons restored to a land which could

well have dispensed with them; we returned to England, where the corps was disbanded, and my parents with

their family retired to private life. I shall pass over in silence the events of a year, which offer little of interest

as far as connected with me and mine. Suddenly, however, the sound of war was heard again, Napoleon had

broken forth from Elba, and everything was in confusion. Vast military preparations were again made, our

own corps was levied anew, and my brother became an officer in it; but the danger was soon over, Napoleon

was once more quelled, and chained for ever, like Prometheus, to his rock. As the corps, however, though so

recently levied, had already become a very fine one, thanks to my father's energetic drilling, the Government

very properly determined to turn it to some account, and, as disturbances were apprehended in Ireland about

this period, it occurred to them that they could do no better than despatch it to that country.

In the autumn of the year 1815 we set sail from a port in Essex; we were some eight hundred strong, and were

embarked in two ships, very large, but old and crazy; a storm overtook us when off Beachy Head, in which

we had nearly foundered. I was awakened early in the morning by the howling of the wind and the uproar on

deck. I kept myself close, however, as is still my constant practice on similar occasions, and waited the result

with that apathy and indifference which violent seasickness is sure to produce. We shipped several seas, and

once the vessel missing stays which, to do it justice, it generally did at every third or fourth tack we

escaped almost by a miracle from being dashed upon the foreland. On the eighth day of our voyage we were

in sight of Ireland. The weather was now calm and serene, the sun shone brightly on the sea and on certain

green hills in the distance, on which I descried what at first sight I believed to be two ladies gathering

flowers, which, however, on our nearer approach, proved to be two tall white towers, doubtless built for some

We entered a kind of bay, or cove, by a narrow inlet; it was a beautiful and romantic place this cove, very

spacious, and, being nearly landlocked, was sheltered from every wind. A small island, every inch of which

was covered with fortifications, appeared to swim upon the waters, whose dark blue denoted their immense

depth; tall green hills, which ascended gradually from the shore, formed the background to the west; they

were carpeted to the top with turf of the most vivid green, and studded here and there with woods, seemingly

of oak; there was a strange old castle halfway up the ascent, a village on a crag but the mists of morning

were half veiling the scene when I surveyed it, and the mists of time are now hanging densely between it and

Leaving the ship in the cove, we passed up a wide river in boats till we came to a city, where we

disembarked. It was a large city, as large as Edinburgh to my eyes; there were plenty of fine houses, but little

neatness; the streets were full of impurities; handsome equipages rolled along, but the greater part of the

population were in rags; beggars abounded; there was no lack of merriment, however; boisterous shouts of

laughter were heard on every side. It appeared a city of contradictions. After a few days' rest we marched

from this place in two divisions. My father commanded the second, I walked by his side.

Our route lay up the country; the country at first offered no very remarkable feature, it was pretty, but tame.

On the second day, however, its appearance had altered, it had become more wild; a range of distant

mountains bounded the horizon. We passed through several villages, as I suppose I may term them, of low

huts, the walls formed of rough stones without mortar, the roof of flags laid over wattles and wickerwork;

they seemed to be inhabited solely by women and children; the latter were naked, the former, in general,

bleareyed beldames, who sat beside the doors on low stools, spinning. We saw, however, both men and

I was thirsty; and going up to an ancient crone, employed in the manner which I have described, I asked her

for water; she looked me in the face, appeared to consider a moment, then tottering into her hut, presently

reappeared with a small pipkin of milk, which she offered to me with a trembling hand. I drank the milk; it

was sour, but I found it highly refreshing. I then took out a penny and offered it to her, whereupon she shook

her head, smiled, and, patting my face with her skinny hand, murmured some words in a tongue which I had

I walked on by my father's side, holding the stirrupleather of his horse; presently several low uncouth cars

passed by, drawn by starved cattle: the drivers were tall fellows, with dark features and athletic frames they

wore long loose blue cloaks with sleeves, which last, however, dangled unoccupied: these cloaks appeared in

tolerably good condition, not so their under garments. On their heads were broad slouching hats: the

generality of them were barefooted. As they passed, the soldiers jested with them in the patois of East

Anglia, whereupon the fellows laughed, and appeared to jest with the soldiers; but what they said who knows,

it being in a rough guttural language, strange and wild. The soldiers stared at each other, and were silent.

'A strange language that!' said a young officer to my father, 'I don't understand a word of it; what can it be?'

'Irish!' said my father, with a loud voice, 'and a bad language it is, I have known it of old, that is, I have often

heard it spoken when I was a guardsman in London. There's one part of London where all the Irish live at

least all the worst of them and there they hatch their villainies and speak this tongue; it is that which keeps

them together and makes them dangerous: I was once sent there to seize a couple of deserters Irish who

had taken refuge amongst their companions; we found them in what was in my time called a ken, that is a

house where only thieves and desperadoes are to be found. Knowing on what kind of business I was bound, I

had taken with me a sergeant's party; it was well I did so. We found the deserters in a large room, with at

least thirty ruffians, horridlooking fellows, seated about a long table, drinking, swearing, and talking Irish.

Ah! we had a tough battle, I remember; the two fellows did nothing, but sat still, thinking it best to be quiet;

but the rest, with an ubbubboo like the blowing up of a powdermagazine, sprang up, brandishing their

sticks; for these fellows always carry sticks with them even to bed, and not unfrequently spring up in their

'Yes,' said my father; 'for we formed at the end of the room, and charged with fixed bayonets, which

compelled the others to yield notwithstanding their numbers; but the worst was when we got out into the

street; the whole district had become alarmed, and hundreds came pouring down upon us men, women, and

children. Women, did I say! they looked fiends, half naked, with their hair hanging down over their

bosoms; they tore up the very pavement to hurl at us, sticks rang about our ears, stones, and Irish I liked the

Irish worst of all, it sounded so horrid, especially as I did not understand it. It's a bad language.'

'Learn it!' said my father; 'what should you learn it for? however, I am not afraid of that. It is not like

Scotch, no person can learn it, save those who are born to it, and even in Ireland the respectable people do not

Within a day or two we had reached a tall range of mountains running north and south, which I was told were

those of Tipperary; along the skirts of these we proceeded till we came to a town, the principal one of these

regions. It was on the bank of a beautiful river, which separated it from the mountains. It was rather an

ancient place, and might contain some ten thousand inhabitants I found that it was our destination; there

were extensive barracks at the farther end, in which the corps took up its quarters; with respect to ourselves,

'You never saw more elegant lodgings than these, captain,' said the master of the house, a tall, handsome, and

athletic man, who came up whilst our little family were seated at dinner late in the afternoon of the day of our

arrival; 'they beat anything in this town of Clonmel. I do not let them for the sake of interest, and to none but

gentlemen in the army, in order that myself and my wife, who is from Londonderry, may have the advantage

of pleasant company, genteel company; ay, and Protestant company, captain. It did my heart good when I saw

your honour ride in at the head of all those fine fellows, real Protestants, I'll engage, not a Papist among them,

they are too goodlooking and honestlooking for that. So I no sooner saw your honour at the head of your

army, with that handsome young gentleman holding by your stirrup, than I said to my wife, Mistress Hyne,

who is from Londonderry, "God bless me," said I, "what a truly Protestant countenance, what a noble

bearing, and what a sweet young gentleman. By the silver hairs of his honour" and sure enough I never saw

hairs more regally silver than those of your honour "by his honour's gray silver hairs, and by my own soul,

which is not worthy to be mentioned in the same day with one of them it would be no more than decent and

civil to run out and welcome such a father and son coming in at the head of such a Protestant military." And

then my wife, who is from Londonderry, Mistress Hyne, looking me in the face like a fairy as she is, "You

may say that," says she. "It would be but decent and civil, honey." And your honour knows how I ran out of

my own door and welcomed your honour riding in company with your son, who was walking; how I

welcomed ye both at the head of your royal regiment, and how I shook your honour by the hand, saying, I am

glad to see your honour, and your honour's son, and your honour's royal military Protestant regiment. And

now I have you in the house, and right proud I am to have ye one and all; one, two, three, four, true

Protestants every one, no Papists here; and I have made bold to bring up a bottle of claret which is now

waiting behind the door; and, when your honour and your family have dined, I will make bold too to bring up

Mistress Hyne, from Londonderry, to introduce to your honour's lady, and then we'll drink to the health of

King George, God bless him; to the "glorious and immortal" to Boyne water to your honour's speedy

promotion to be Lord Lieutenant, and to the speedy downfall of the Pope and Saint Anthony of Padua.'

Such was the speech of the Irish Protestant addressed to my father in the long lofty diningroom with three

windows, looking upon the high street of the good town of Clonmel, as he sat at meat with his family, after

'A bigot and an Orangeman!' Oh yes! It is easier to apply epithets of opprobrium to people than to make

yourself acquainted with their history and position. He was a specimen, and a fair specimen, of a most

remarkable body of men, who during two centuries have fought a good fight in Ireland in the cause of

civilisation and religious truth; they were sent as colonists, few in number, into a barbarous and unhappy

country, where ever since, though surrounded with difficulties of every kind, they have maintained their

ground; theirs has been no easy life, nor have their lines fallen upon very pleasant places; amidst darkness

they have held up a lamp, and it would be well for Ireland were all her children like these her adopted ones.

'But they are fierce and sanguinary,' it is said. Ay, ay! they have not unfrequently opposed the keen sword to

the savage pike. 'But they are bigoted and narrowminded.' Ay, ay! they do not like idolatry, and will not

bow the knee before a stone! 'But their language is frequently indecorous.' Go to, my dainty one, did ye ever

The Irish Protestants have faults, numerous ones; but the greater number of these may be traced to the

peculiar circumstances of their position: but they have virtues, numerous ones; and their virtues are their own,

their industry, their energy, and their undaunted resolution are their own. They have been vilified and

traduced but what would Ireland be without them? I repeat, that it would be well for her were all her sons

Protestant young gentlemen The Greek letters Open chimney Murtagh Paris and Salamanca

WE continued at this place for some months, during which time the soldiers performed their duties, whatever

they were; and I, having no duties to perform, was sent to school. I had been to English schools, and to the

celebrated one of Edinburgh; but my education, at the present day, would not be what it is perfect, had I

'Captain,' said our kind host, 'you would, no doubt, wish that the young gentleman should enjoy every

advantage which the town may afford towards helping him on in the path of genteel learning. It's a great pity

that he should waste his time in idleness doing nothing else than what he says he has been doing for the last

fortnight fishing in the river for trouts which he never catches; and wandering up the glen in the mountain,

in search of the hips that grow there. Now, we have a school here, where he can learn the most elegant Latin,

and get an insight into the Greek letters, which is desirable; and where, moreover, he will have an opportunity

of making acquaintance with all the Protestant young gentlemen of the place, the handsome welldressed

young persons whom your honour sees in the church on the Sundays, when your honour goes there in the

morning, with the rest of the Protestant military; for it is no Papist school, though there may be a Papist or

two there a few poor farmers' sons from the country, with whom there is no necessity for your honour's

And to the school I went, where I read the Latin tongue and the Greek letters, with a nice old clergyman, who

sat behind a black oaken desk, with a huge Elzevir Flaccus before him, in a long gloomy kind of hall, with a

broken stone floor, the roof festooned with cobwebs, the walls considerably dilapidated, and covered over

with strange figures and hieroglyphics, evidently produced by the application of burnt stick; and there I made

acquaintance with the Protestant young gentlemen of the place, who, with whatever ECLAT they might

appear at church on a Sunday, did assuredly not exhibit to much advantage in the schoolroom on the week

days, either with respect to clothes or looks. And there I was in the habit of sitting on a large stone, before the

roaring fire in the huge open chimney, and entertaining certain of the Protestant young gentlemen of my own

age, seated on similar stones, with extraordinary accounts of my own adventures, and those of the corps, with

an occasional anecdote extracted from the storybooks of Hickathrift and Wight Wallace, pretending to be

And there I made acquaintance, notwithstanding the hint of the landlord, with the Papist 'gossoons,' as they

were called, the farmers' sons from the country; and of these gossoons, of whom there were three, two might

be reckoned as nothing at all; in the third, however, I soon discovered that there was something extraordinary.

He was about sixteen years old, and above six feet high, dressed in a gray suit; the coat, from its size,

appeared to have been made for him some ten years before. He was remarkably narrowchested and

roundshouldered, owing, perhaps as much to the tightness of his garment as to the hand of nature. His face

was long, and his complexion swarthy, relieved, however, by certain freckles, with which the skin was

plentifully studded. He had strange wandering eyes, gray, and somewhat unequal in size; they seldom rested

on the book, but were generally wandering about the room, from one object to another. Sometimes he would

fix them intently on the wall, and then suddenly starting, as if from a reverie, he would commence making

certain mysterious movements with his thumbs and forefingers, as if he were shuffling something from him.

One morning, as he sat by himself on a bench, engaged in this manner, I went up to him, and said,

'Sorra a game, Shorsha, have I played with the cards since my uncle Phelim, the thief, stole away the ould

'Sorra anything else has Murtagh to do that he cares about and that makes me dread so going home at nights.'

'Faith, then, ye shall know all about me, and where I live. It is at a place called the Wilderness that I live, and

they call it so, because it is a fearful wild place, without any house near it but my father's own; and that's

'You may say that; and it is a farmer I should have been, like my brother Denis, had not my uncle Phelim, the

thief, tould my father to send me to school, to learn Greek letters, that I might be made a saggart of, and sent

'You may say that! for, were I a farmer, like the rest, I should have something to do, like the rest

something that I cared for and I should come home tired at night, and fall asleep, as the rest do, before the

fire; but when I comes home at night I am not tired, for I have been doing nothing all day that I care for; and

then I sits down and stares about me, and at the fire, till I become frighted; and then I shouts to my brother

Denis, or to the gossoons, "Get up, I say, and let's be doing something; tell us the tale of FinnmaCoul, and

how he lay down in the Shannon's bed, and let the river flow down his jaws!" Arrah, Shorsha! I wish you

would come and stay with us, and tell us some o' your sweet stories of your own self and the snake ye carried

about wid ye. Faith, Shorsha dear! that snake bates anything about FinnmaCoul or Brian Boroo, the

'Sometimes they does, but oftenmost they curses me, and bids me be quiet! But I can't be quiet, either before

the fire or abed; so I runs out of the house, and stares at the rocks, at the trees, and sometimes at the clouds, as

they run a race across the bright moon; and, the more I stares, the more frighted I grows, till I screeches and

holloas. And last night I went into the barn, and hid my face in the straw; and there, as I lay and shivered in

the straw, I heard a voice above my head singing out "To whit, to whoo!" and then up I starts, and runs into

the house, and falls over my brother Denis, as he lies at the fire. "What's that for?" says he. "Get up, you

thief!" says I, "and be helping me. I have been out into the barn, and an owl has crow'd at me!"'

'Little enough, Shorsha dear! If there were cardplaying, I should not be frighted.'

'Did I not tell you that the thief, my uncle Phelim, stole away the pack? If we had the pack, my brother Denis

and the gossoons would be ready enough to get up from their sleep before the fire, and play cards with me for

ha'pence, or eggs, or nothing at all; but the pack is gone bad luck to the thief who took it!'

'Faith it is, honey! And now the Christmas holidays is coming, when I shall be at home by day as well as

night, and then what am I to do? Since I have been a saggarting, I have been good for nothing at all neither

'You don't say so, Shorsha ma vourneen? you don't say that you have cards fiftytwo?'

'Yes, you speak Irish; I heard you talking it the other day to the cripple. You shall teach me Irish.'

'To be sure! what better can you do? it would help you to pass your time at school. You can't learn Greek,

Before Christmas, Murtagh was playing at cards with his brother Denis, and I could speak a considerable

Templemore Devil's Mountain No companion Force of circumstance Way of the world Ruined

WHEN Christmas was over, and the new year commenced, we broke up our quarters, and marched away to

Templemore. This was a large military station, situated in a wild and thinly inhabited country. Extensive bogs

were in the neighbourhood, connected with the huge bog of Allen, the Palus Maeotis of Ireland. Here and

there was seen a ruined castle looming through the mists of winter; whilst, at the distance of seven miles, rose

a singular mountain, exhibiting in its brow a chasm, or vacuum, just, for all the world, as if a piece had been

bitten out; a feat which, according to the tradition of the country, had actually been performed by his Satanic

majesty, who, after flying for some leagues with the morsel in his mouth, becoming weary, dropped it in the

vicinity of Cashel, where it may now be seen in the shape of a bold bluff hill, crowned with the ruins of a

We had been here only a few days, when my brother, who, as I have before observed, had become one of his

Majesty's officers, was sent on detachment to a village at about ten miles' distance. He was not sixteen, and,

though three years older than myself, scarcely my equal in stature, for I had become tall and largelimbed for

my age; but there was a spirit in him which would not have disgraced a general; and, nothing daunted at the

considerable responsibility which he was about to incur, he marched sturdily out of the barrackyard at the

head of his party, consisting of twenty light infantry men, and a tall grenadier sergeant, selected expressly

by my father, for the soldierlike qualities which he possessed, to accompany his son on this his first

expedition. So out of the barrackyard, with something of an air, marched my dear brother, his single drum

I soon missed my brother, for I was now alone, with no being, at all assimilating in age, with whom I could

exchange a word. Of late years, from being almost constantly at school, I had cast aside, in a great degree, my

unsocial habits and natural reserve, but in the desolate region in which we now were there was no school; and

I felt doubly the loss of my brother, whom, moreover, I tenderly loved for his own sake. Books I had none, at

least such 'as I cared about'; and with respect to the old volume, the wonders of which had first beguiled me

into common reading, I had so frequently pored over its pages, that I had almost got its contents by heart. I

was therefore in danger of falling into the same predicament as Murtagh, becoming 'frighted' from having

nothing to do! Nay, I had not even his resources; I cared not for cards, even if I possessed them and could

find people disposed to play with them. However, I made the most of circumstances, and roamed about the

desolate fields and bogs in the neighbourhood, sometimes entering the cabins of the peasantry, with a 'God's

blessing upon you, good people!' where I would take my seat on the 'stranger's stone' at the corner of the

hearth, and, looking them full in the face, would listen to the carles and carlines talking Irish.

Ah, that Irish! How frequently do circumstances, at first sight the most trivial and unimportant, exercise a

mighty and permanent influence on our habits and pursuits! how frequently is a stream turned aside from

its natural course by some little rock or knoll, causing it to make an abrupt turn! On a wild road in Ireland I

had heard Irish spoken for the first time; and I was seized with a desire to learn Irish, the acquisition of

which, in my case, became the steppingstone to other languages. I had previously learnt Latin, or rather

Lilly; but neither Latin nor Lilly made me a philologist. I had frequently heard French and other languages,

but had felt little desire to become acquainted with them; and what, it may be asked, was there connected

First of all, and principally, I believe, the strangeness and singularity of its tones; then there was something

mysterious and uncommon associated with its use. It was not a school language, to acquire which was

considered an imperative duty; no, no; nor was it a drawingroom language, drawled out occasionally, in

shreds and patches, by the ladies of generals and other great dignitaries, to the ineffable dismay of poor

officers' wives. Nothing of the kind; but a speech spoken in outoftheway desolate places, and in cut

throat kens, where thirty ruffians, at the sight of the king's minions, would spring up with brandished sticks

and an 'ubbubboo like the blowing up of a powdermagazine.' Such were the points connected with the Irish,

which first awakened in my mind the desire of acquiring it; and by acquiring it I became, as I have already

said, enamoured of languages. Having learnt one by choice, I speedily, as the reader will perceive, learnt

Ah, that Irish! I am much indebted to it in more ways than one. But I am afraid I have followed the way of

the world, which is very much wont to neglect original friends and benefactors. I frequently find myself, at

present, turning up my nose at Irish when I hear it in the street; yet I have still a kind of regard for it, the fine

One of the most peculiar features of this part of Ireland is the ruined castles, which are so thick and numerous

that the face of the country appears studded with them, it being difficult to choose any situation from which

one, at least, may not be descried. They are of various ages and styles of architecture, some of great antiquity,

like the stately remains which crown the Crag of Cashel; others built by the early English conquerors; others,

and probably the greater part, erections of the times of Elizabeth and Cromwell. The whole speaking

monuments of the troubled and insecure state of the country, from the most remote periods to a

From the windows of the room where I slept I had a view of one of these old places an indistinct one, it is

true, the distance being too great to permit me to distinguish more than the general outline. I had an anxious

desire to explore it. It stood to the southeast; in which direction, however, a black bog intervened, which had

more than once baffled all my attempts to cross it. One morning, however, when the sun shone brightly upon

the old building, it appeared so near, that I felt ashamed at not being able to accomplish a feat seemingly so

easy; I determined, therefore, upon another trial. I reached the bog, and was about to venture upon its black

surface, and to pick my way amongst its innumerable holes, yawning horribly, and half filled with water

black as soot, when it suddenly occurred to me that there was a road to the south, by following which I might

find a more convenient route to the object of my wishes. The event justified my expectations, for, after

following the road for some three miles, seemingly in the direction of the Devil's Mountain, I suddenly

I diverged from the road, and, crossing two or three fields, came to a small grassy plain, in the midst of which

stood the castle. About a gunshot to the south was a small village, which had, probably, in ancient days,

sprung up beneath its protection. A kind of awe came over me as I approached the old building. The sun no

longer shone upon it, and it looked so grim, so desolate and solitary; and here was I, in that wild country,

alone with that grim building before me. The village was within sight, it is true; but it might be a village of

the dead for what I knew; no sound issued from it, no smoke was rising from its roofs, neither man nor beast

was visible, no life, no motion it looked as desolate as the castle itself. Yet I was bent on the adventure, and

moved on towards the castle across the green plain, occasionally casting a startled glance around me; and

It was surrounded by a quadrangular wall, about ten feet in height, with a square tower at each corner. At first

I could discover no entrance; walking round, however, to the northern side, I found a wide and lofty gateway

with a tower above it, similar to those at the angles of the wall; on this side the ground sloped gently down

towards the bog, which was here skirted by an abundant growth of copsewood and a few evergreen oaks. I

passed through the gateway, and found myself within a square inclosure of about two acres. On one side rose

a round and lofty keep, or donjon, with a conical roof, part of which had fallen down, strewing the square

with its ruins. Close to the keep, on the other side, stood the remains of an oblong house, built something in

the modern style, with various windowholes; nothing remained but the bare walls and a few projecting

stumps of beams, which seemed to have been half burnt. The interior of the walls was blackened, as if by fire;

fire also appeared at one time to have raged out of the windowholes, for the outside about them was black,

There were echoes among the walls as I walked about the court. I entered the keep by a low and frowning

doorway: the lower floor consisted of a large dungeonlike room, with a vaulted roof; on the left hand was a

winding staircase in the thickness of the wall; it looked anything but inviting; yet I stole softly up, my heart

beating. On the top of the first flight of stairs was an arched doorway, to the left was a dark passage, to the

right, stairs leading still higher. I stepped under the arch and found myself in an apartment somewhat similar

An old woman, at least eighty, was seated on a stone, cowering over a few sticks burning feebly on what had

once been a right noble and cheerful hearth; her sideglance was towards the doorway as I entered, for she

had heard my footsteps. I stood suddenly still, and her haggard glance rested on my face.

'Is this your house, mother?' I at length demanded, in the language which I thought she would best

A visit Figure of a man The dog of peace The raw wound The guardroom Boy soldier Person in

authority Never solitary Clergyman and family Stillhunting Fairy man Near sunset Bagg

ONE morning I set out, designing to pay a visit to my brother at the place where he was detached; the

distance was rather considerable, yet I hoped to be back by evening fall, for I was now a shrewd walker,

thanks to constant practice. I set out early, and, directing my course towards the north, I had in less than two

hours accomplished considerably more than half of the journey. The weather had at first been propitious: a

slight frost had rendered the ground firm to the tread, and the skies were clear; but now a change came over

the scene, the skies darkened, and a heavy snowstorm came on; the road then lay straight through a bog, and

was bounded by a deep trench on both sides; I was making the best of my way, keeping as nearly as I could

in the middle of the road, lest, blinded by the snow which was frequently borne into my eyes by the wind, I

might fall into the dyke, when all at once I heard a shout to windward, and turning my eyes I saw the figure

of a man, and what appeared to be an animal of some kind, coming across the bog with great speed, in the

direction of myself; the nature of the ground seemed to offer but little impediment to these beings, both

clearing the holes and abysses which lay in their way with surprising agility; the animal was, however, some

slight way in advance, and, bounding over the dyke, appeared on the road just before me. It was a dog, of

what species I cannot tell, never having seen the like before or since; the head was large and round; the ears

so tiny as scarcely to be discernible; the eyes of a fiery red: in size it was rather small than large; and the coat,

which was remarkably smooth, as white as the falling flakes. It placed itself directly in my path, and showing

its teeth, and bristling its coat, appeared determined to prevent my progress. I had an ashen stick in my hand,

with which I threatened it; this, however, only served to increase its fury; it rushed upon me, and I had the

'What are you doing with the dog, the fairy dog?' said a man, who at this time likewise cleared the dyke at a

He was a very tall man, rather well dressed as it should seem; his garments, however, were, like my own, so

'I wish he would show himself one,' said I; 'I said nothing to him, but he placed himself in my road, and

'He's not much of a fairy,' said I, 'or he would know that without asking; tell him that I am going to see my

'Oh, ye are going then to the detachment at ; by my shoul, I have a good mind to be spoiling your journey.'

'You are doing that already,' said I, 'keeping me here talking about dogs and fairies; you had better go home

and get some salve to cure that place over your eye; it's catching cold you'll be, in so much snow.'

On one side of the man's forehead there was a raw and staring wound, as if from a recent and terrible blow.

'You do not speak the language very correctly,' said I; 'it is not Sas you should call me 'tis Sassannach,' and

forthwith I accompanied the word with a speech full of flowers of Irish rhetoric.

The man looked upon me for a moment, fixedly, then, bending his head towards his breast, he appeared to be

undergoing a kind of convulsion, which was accompanied by a sound something resembling laughter;

But now with a whisking sound came running down the road a hare; it was nearly upon us before it perceived

us; suddenly stopping short, however, it sprang into the bog on the righthand side; after it amain bounded

the dog of peace, followed by the man, but not until he had nodded to me a farewell salutation. In a few

The weather was again clear and fine before I reached the place of detachment. It was a little wooden barrack,

surrounded by a wall of the same material; a sentinel stood at the gate, I passed by him, and, entering the

building, found myself in a rude kind of guardroom; several soldiers were lying asleep on a wooden couch at

one end, others lounged on benches by the side of a turf fire. The tall sergeant stood before the fire, holding a

cooking utensil in his left hand; on seeing me, he made the military salutation.

'Is my brother here?' said I, rather timidly, dreading to hear that he was out, perhaps for the day.

'The ensign is in his room, sir,' said Bagg, 'I am now preparing his meal, which will presently be ready; you

will find the ensign above stairs,' and he pointed to a broken ladder which led to some place above.

And there I found him the boy soldier in a kind of upper loft, so low that I could touch with my hands the

sooty rafters; the floor was of rough boards, through the joints of which you could see the gleam of the

soldiers' fire, and occasionally discern their figures as they moved about; in one corner was a camp bedstead,

by the side of which hung the child's sword, gorget, and sash; a deal table stood in the proximity of the rusty

grate, where smoked and smouldered a pile of black turf from the bog, a deal table without a piece of baize

to cover it, yet fraught with things not devoid of interest: a Bible, given by a mother; the ODYSSEY, the

Greek ODYSSEY; a flute, with broad silver keys; crayons, moreover, and watercolours; and a sketch of a

wild prospect near, which, though but half finished, afforded ample proof of the excellence and skill of the

Ah! he was a sweet being, that boy soldier, a plant of early promise, bidding fair to become in after time all

that is great, good, and admirable. I have read of a remarkable Welshman, of whom it was said, when the

grave closed over him, that he could frame a harp, and play it; build a ship, and sail it; compose an ode, and

set it to music. A brave fellow that son of Wales but I had once a brother who could do more and better

than this, but the grave has closed over him, as over the gallant Welshman of yore; there are now but two that

remember him the one who bore him, and the being who was nurtured at the same breast. He was taken,

'You seem to be very comfortable, John,' said I, looking around the room and at the various objects which I

have described above: 'you have a good roof over your head, and have all your things about you.'

'Yes, I am very comfortable, George, in many respects; I am, moreover, independent, and feel myself a man

for the first time in my life independent did I say? that's not the word, I am something much higher than

that; here am I, not sixteen yet, a person in authority, like the centurion in the book there, with twenty

Englishmen under me, worth a whole legion of his men, and that fine fellow Bagg to wait upon me, and take

'But your time must frequently hang heavy on your hands; this is a strange wild place, and you must be very

'I am never solitary; I have, as you see, all my things about me, and there is plenty of company below stairs.

Not that I mix with the soldiers; if I did, goodbye to my authority; but when I am alone I can hear all their

discourse through the planks, and I often laugh to myself at the funny things they say.'

'The very best; much better than the Colonel and the rest, at their grand Templemore; I had never so many in

my whole life before. One has just left me, a gentleman who lives at a distance across the bog; he comes to

talk with me about Greek, and the ODYSSEY, for he is a very learned man, and understands the old Irish,

and various other strange languages. He has had a dispute with Bagg. On hearing his name, he called him to

him, and, after looking at him for some time with great curiosity, said that he was sure he was a Dane. Bagg,

however, took the compliment in dudgeon, and said that he was no more a Dane than himself, but a trueborn

'All kinds; the whole neighbourhood can't make enough of me. Amongst others there's the clergyman of the

parish and his family; such a venerable old man, such fine sons and daughters! I am treated by them like a

son and a brother I might be always with them if I pleased; there's one drawback, however, in going to see

them; there's a horrible creature in the house, a kind of tutor, whom they keep more from charity than

anything else; he is a Papist and, they say, a priest; you should see him scowl sometimes at my red coat, for

he hates the king, and not unfrequently, when the king's health is drunk, curses him between his teeth. I once

got up to strike him; but the youngest of the sisters, who is the handsomest, caught my arm and pointed to her

'And what does your duty consist of? Have you nothing else to do than pay visits and receive them?'

'We do what is required of us, we guard this edifice, perform our evolutions, and help the excise; I am

frequently called up in the dead of night to go to some wild place or other in quest of an illicit still; this last

part of our duty is poor mean work, I don't like it, nor more does Bagg; though without it we should not see

much active service, for the neighbourhood is quiet; save the poor creatures with their stills, not a soul is

'Did you never hear of him? that's strange, the whole country is talking about him; he is a kind of outlaw,

rebel, or robber, all three I daresay; there's a hundred pounds offered for his head.'

'His proper home, they say, is in the Queen's County, where he has a band, but he is a strange fellow, fond of

wandering about by himself amidst the bogs and mountains, and living in the old castles; occasionally he

quarters himself in the peasants' houses, who let him do just what he pleases; he is free of his money, and

often does them good turns, and can be goodhumoured enough, so they don't dislike him. Then he is what

they call a fairy man, a person in league with fairies and spirits, and able to work much harm by supernatural

means, on which account they hold him in great awe; he is, moreover, a mighty strong and tall fellow. Bagg

'Yes! and felt him; he too is a strange one. A few days ago he was told that Grant had been seen hovering

about an old castle some two miles off in the bog; so one afternoon what does he do but, without saying a

word to me for which, by the bye, I ought to put him under arrest, though what I should do without Bagg I

have no idea whatever what does he do but walk off to the castle, intending, as I suppose, to pay a visit to

Jerry. He had some difficulty in getting there on account of the turfholes in the bog, which he was not

accustomed to; however, thither at last he got and went in. It was a strange lonesome place, he says, and he

did not much like the look of it; however, in he went, and searched about from the bottom to the top and

down again, but could find no one; he shouted and hallooed, but nobody answered, save the rooks and

choughs, which started up in great numbers. "I have lost my trouble," said Bagg, and left the castle. It was

now late in the afternoon, near sunset, when about halfway over the bog he met a man '

'Jerry Grant! there's no doubt of it. Bagg says it was the most sudden thing in the world. He was moving

along, making the best of his way, thinking of nothing at all save a publichouse at Swanton Morley, which

he intends to take when he gets home, and the regiment is disbanded though I hope that will not be for

some time yet: he had just leaped a turfhole, and was moving on, when, at the distance of about six yards

before him, he saw a fellow coming straight towards him. Bagg says that he stopped short, as suddenly as if

he had heard the word halt, when marching at double quick time. It was quite a surprise, he says, and he can't

imagine how the fellow was so close upon him before he was aware. He was an immense tall fellow Bagg

thinks at least two inches taller than himself very well dressed in a blue coat and buff breeches, for all the

world like a squire when going out hunting. Bagg, however, saw at once that he had a roguish air, and he was

on his guard in a moment. "Goodevening to ye, sodger," says the fellow, stepping close up to Bagg, and

staring him in the face. "Good evening to you, sir! I hope you are well," says Bagg. "You are looking after

some one?" says the fellow. "Just so, sir," says Bagg, and forthwith seized him by the collar; the man

laughed, Bagg says it was such a strange awkward laugh. "Do you know whom you have got hold of,

sodger?" said he. "I believe I do, sir," said Bagg, "and in that belief will hold you fast in the name of King

George and the quarter sessions"; the next moment he was sprawling with his heels in the air. Bagg says there

was nothing remarkable in that; he was only flung by a kind of wrestling trick, which he could easily have

baffled had he been aware of it. "You will not do that again, sir," said he, as he got up and put himself on his

guard. The fellow laughed again more strangely and awkwardly than before; then, bending his body and

moving his head from one side to the other as a cat does before she springs, and crying out, "Here's for ye,

sodger!" he made a dart at Bagg, rushing in with his head foremost. "That will do, sir," says Bagg, and,

drawing himself back, he put in a lefthanded blow with all the force of his body and arm, just over the

fellow's right eye Bagg is a lefthanded hitter, you must know and it was a blow of that kind which won

him his famous battle at Edinburgh with the big Highland sergeant. Bagg says that he was quite satisfied with

the blow, more especially when he saw the fellow reel, fling out his arms, and fall to the ground. "And now,

sir," said he, "I'll make bold to hand you over to the quarter sessions, and, if there is a hundred pounds for

taking you, who has more right to it than myself?" So he went forward, but ere he could lay hold of his man

the other was again on his legs, and was prepared to renew the combat. They grappled each other Bagg says

he had not much fear of the result, as he now felt himself the best man, the other seeming halfstunned with

the blow but just then there came on a blast, a horrible roaring wind bearing night upon its wings, snow,

and sleet, and hail. Bagg says he had the fellow by the throat quite fast, as he thought, but suddenly he

became bewildered, and knew not where he was; and the man seemed to melt away from his grasp, and the

wind howled more and more, and the night poured down darker and darker; the snow and the sleet thicker

JOHN. He says that the fight was a fair fight, and that the fling he got was a fair fling, the result of a common

enough wrestling trick. But with respect to the storm, which rose up just in time to save the fellow, he is of

JOHN. He wishes much to have one more encounter with the fellow; he says that on fair ground, and in fine

weather, he has no doubt that he could master him, and hand him over to the quarter sessions. He says that a

hundred pounds would be no bad thing to be disbanded upon; for he wishes to take an inn at Swanton

MYSELF. He is quite right; and now kiss me, my darling brother, for I must go back through the bog to

Groom and cob Strength and symmetry Where's the saddle? The first ride No more fatigue Love

for horses Pursuit of words Philologist and Pegasus The smith What more, agrah? Sassannach

AND it came to pass that, as I was standing by the door of the barrack stable, one of the grooms came out to

me, saying, 'I say, young gentleman, I wish you would give the cob a breathing this fine morning.'

'Why do you wish me to mount him?' said I; 'you know he is dangerous. I saw him fling you off his back only

'Why, that's the very thing, master. I'd rather see anybody on his back than myself; he does not like me; but,

'We shall soon see that, master,' said the groom; 'and, if so be he shows temper, I will be the first to tell you to

get down. But there's no fear of that; you have never angered or insulted him, and to such as you, I say again,

'Merely through forgetfulness, master: I was riding him about a month ago, and having a stick in my hand, I

struck him, thinking I was on another horse, or rather thinking of nothing at all. He has never forgiven me,

though before that time he was the only friend I had in the world; I should like to see you on him, master.'

'Then you are all right, master; there's no fear. Trust him for not hurting a young gentleman, an officer's son,

who can't ride. If you were a blackguard dragoon, indeed, with long spurs, 'twere another thing; as it is, he'll

treat you as if he were the elder brother that loves you. Ride! He'll soon teach you to ride if you leave the

The cob was led forth; what a tremendous creature! I had frequently seen him before, and wondered at him;

he was barely fifteen hands, but he had the girth of a metropolitan drayhorse; his head was small in

comparison with his immense neck, which curved down nobly to his wide back: his chest was broad and fine,

and his shoulders models of symmetry and strength; he stood well and powerfully upon his legs, which were

somewhat short. In a word, he was a gallant specimen of the genuine Irish cob, a species at one time not

'There!' said the groom, as he looked at him, half admiringly, half sorrowfully, 'with sixteen stone on his

back, he'll trot fourteen miles in one hour, with your nine stone, some two and a half more ay, and clear a

'I'd rather so, too, if he would let me; but he remembers the blow. Now, don't be afraid, young master, he's

longing to go out himself. He's been trampling with his feet these three days, and I know what that means;

he'll let anybody ride him but myself, and thank them; but to me he says, "No! you struck me."'

'Never mind the saddle; if you are ever to be a frank rider, you must begin without a saddle; besides, if he felt

a saddle, he would think you don't trust him, and leave you to yourself. Now, before you mount, make his

acquaintance see there, how he kisses you and licks your face, and see how he lifts his foot, that's to shake

hands. You may trust him now you are on his back at last; mind how you hold the bridle gently, gently!

It's not four pair of hands like yours can hold him if he wishes to be off. Mind what I tell you leave it all to

Off went the cob at a slow and gentle trot, too fast and rough, however, for so inexperienced a rider. I soon

felt myself sliding off, the animal perceived it too, and instantly stood stone still till I had righted myself; and

now the groom came up: 'When you feel yourself going,' said he, 'don't lay hold of the mane, that's no use;

mane never yet saved man from falling, no more than straw from drowning; it's his sides you must cling to

with your calves and feet, till you learn to balance yourself. That's it, now abroad with you; I'll bet my

comrade a pot of beer that you'll be a regular roughrider by the time you come back.'

And so it proved; I followed the directions of the groom, and the cob gave me every assistance. How easy is

riding, after the first timidity is got over, to supple and youthful limbs; and there is no second fear. The

creature soon found that the nerves of his rider were in proper tone. Turning his head half round, he made a

In less than two hours I had made the circuit of the Devil's Mountain, and was returning along the road,

bathed with perspiration, but screaming with delight; the cob laughing in his equine way, scattering foam and

pebbles to the left and right, and trotting at the rate of sixteen miles an hour.

Oh, that ride! that first ride! most truly it was an epoch in my existence; and I still look back to it with

feelings of longing and regret. People may talk of first love it is a very agreeable event, I daresay but give

me the flush, and triumph, and glorious sweat of a first ride, like mine on the mighty cob! My whole frame

was shaken, it is true; and during one long week I could hardly move foot or hand; but what of that? By that

one trial I had become free, as I may say, of the whole equine species. No more fatigue, no more stiffness of

Oh, that cob! that Irish cob! may the sod lie lightly over the bones of the strongest, speediest, and most

gallant of its kind! Oh! the days when, issuing from the barrackgate of Templemore, we commenced our

hurryskurry just as inclination led now across the fields direct over stone walls and running brooks

mere pastime for the cob! sometimes along the road to Thurles and Holy Cross, even to distant Cahir!

It was thus that the passion for the equine race was first awakened within me a passion which, up to the

present time, has been rather on the increase than diminishing. It is no blind passion; the horse being a noble

and generous creature, intended by the All Wise to be the helper and friend of man, to whom he stands next

in the order of creation. On many occasions of my life I have been much indebted to the horse, and have

found in him a friend and coadjutor, when human help and sympathy were not to be obtained. It is therefore

natural enough that I should love the horse; but the love which I entertain for him has always been blended

with respect; for I soon perceived that, though disposed to be the friend and helper of man, he is by no means

inclined to be his slave; in which respect he differs from the dog, who will crouch when beaten; whereas the

horse spurns, for he is aware of his own worth and that he carries death within the horn of his heel. If,

therefore, I found it easy to love the horse, I found it equally natural to respect him.

I much question whether philology, or the passion for languages, requires so little of an apology as the love

for horses. It has been said, I believe, that the more languages a man speaks, the more a man is he; which is

very true, provided he acquires languages as a medium for becoming acquainted with the thoughts and

feelings of the various sections into which the human race is divided; but, in that case, he should rather be

termed a philosopher than a philologist between which two the difference is wide indeed! An individual

may speak and read a dozen languages, and yet be an exceedingly poor creature, scarcely half a man; and the

pursuit of tongues for their own sake, and the mere satisfaction of acquiring them, surely argues an intellect

of a very low order; a mind disposed to be satisfied with mean and grovelling things; taking more pleasure in

the trumpery casket than in the precious treasure which it contains; in the pursuit of words, than in the

I cannot help thinking that it was fortunate for myself, who am, to a certain extent, a philologist, that with me

the pursuit of languages has been always modified by the love of horses; for scarcely had I turned my mind to

the former, when I also mounted the wild cob, and hurried forth in the direction of the Devil's Hill, scattering

dust and flintstones on every side; that ride, amongst other things, taught me that a lad with thews and

sinews was intended by nature for something better than mere wordculling; and if I have accomplished

anything in after life worthy of mentioning, I believe it may partly be attributed to the ideas which that ride,

by setting my blood in a glow, infused into my brain. I might, otherwise, have become a mere philologist;

one of those beings who toil night and day in culling useless words for some OPUS MAGNUM which

Murray will never publish, and nobody ever read; beings without enthusiasm, who, having never mounted a

generous steed, cannot detect a good point in Pegasus himself; like a certain philologist, who, though

acquainted with the exact value of every word in the Greek and Latin languages, could observe no particular

beauty in one of the most glorious of Homer's rhapsodies. What knew he of Pegasus? he had never mounted a

generous steed; the merest jockey, had the strain been interpreted to him, would have called it a brave song!

On a certain day I had been out on an excursion. In a crossroad, at some distance from the Satanic hill, the

animal which I rode cast a shoe. By good luck a small village was at hand, at the entrance of which was a

large shed, from which proceeded a most furious noise of hammering. Leading the cob by the bridle, I

entered boldly. 'Shoe this horse, and do it quickly, a gough,' said I to a wild grimy figure of a man, whom I

'Oh yes, I have money,' said I, 'and of the best'; and I pulled out an English shilling.

'No, I shan't,' said I; 'some people are glad to get their money when their work is done.'

The fellow hammered a little longer, and then proceeded to shoe the cob, after having first surveyed it with

attention. He performed his job rather roughly, and more than once appeared to give the animal unnecessary

pain, frequently making use of loud and boisterous words. By the time the work was done, the creature was in

a state of high excitement, and plunged and tore. The smith stood at a short distance, seeming to enjoy the

irritation of the animal, and showing, in a remarkable manner, a huge fang, which projected from the under

'You deserve better handling,' said I, as I went up to the cob and fondled it; whereupon it whinnied, and

'Are ye not afraid of that beast?' said the smith, showing his fang. 'Arrah, it's vicious that he looks!'

'It's at you, then! I don't fear him'; and thereupon I passed under the horse, between its hind legs.

'Can you do this, agrah?' said the smith; and he uttered a word which I had never heard before, in a sharp

pungent tone. The effect upon myself was somewhat extraordinary, a strange thrill ran through me; but with

regard to the cob it was terrible; the animal forthwith became like one mad, and reared and kicked with the

'Go between his legs, agrah,' said the smith, 'his hinder legs'; and he again showed his fang.

'And it tells ye truth, agrah; but it's a fine beast, and it's a pity to see him in such a state: Is agam an't leigeas'

and here he uttered another word in a voice singularly modified, but sweet and almost plaintive; the effect

of it was as instantaneous as that of the other, but how different! the animal lost all its fury, and became at

once calm and gentle. The smith went up to it, coaxed and patted it, making use of various sounds of equine

endearment; then turning to me, and holding out once more the grimy hand, he said, 'And now ye will be

A fine old city Norman masterwork Lollards' Hole Good blood The Spaniard's sword Old retired

officer Writing to a duke God help the child Nothing like Jacob Irish brigades Old Sergeant

Meredith I have been young Idleness Only course open The bookstall A portrait A banished

FROM the wild scenes which I have attempted to describe in the latter pages I must now transport the reader

to others of a widely different character. He must suppose himself no longer in Ireland, but in the eastern

corner of merry England. Bogs, ruins, and mountains have disappeared amidst the vapours of the west: I have

nothing more to say of them; the region in which we are now is not famous for objects of that kind: perhaps it

flatters itself that it can produce fairer and better things, of some of which let me speak; there is a fine old city

A fine old city, truly, is that, view it from whatever side you will; but it shows best from the east, where the

ground, bold and elevated, overlooks the fair and fertile valley in which it stands. Gazing from those heights,

the eye beholds a scene which cannot fail to awaken, even in the least sensitive bosom, feelings of pleasure

and admiration. At the foot of the heights flows a narrow and deep river, with an antique bridge

communicating with a long and narrow suburb, flanked on either side by rich meadows of the brightest green,

beyond which spreads the city; the fine old city, perhaps the most curious specimen at present extant of the

genuine old English town. Yes, there it spreads from north to south, with its venerable houses, its numerous

gardens, its thrice twelve churches, its mighty mound, which, if tradition speaks true, was raised by human

hands to serve as the graveheap of an old heathen king, who sits deep within it, with his sword in his hand,

and his gold and silver treasures about him. There is a gray old castle upon the top of that mighty mound; and

yonder, rising three hundred feet above the soil, from among those noble forest trees, behold that old Norman

masterwork, that cloudencircled cathedral spire, around which a garrulous army of rooks and choughs

continually wheel their flight. Now, who can wonder that the children of that fine old city are proud of her,

and offer up prayers for her prosperity? I, myself, who was not born within her walls, offer up prayers for her

prosperity, that want may never visit her cottages, vice her palaces, and that the abomination of idolatry may

never pollute her temples. Ha, idolatry! the reign of idolatry has been over there for many a long year, never

more, let us hope, to return; brave hearts in that old town have borne witness against it, and sealed their

testimony with their hearts' blood most precious to the Lord is the blood of His saints! we are not far from

hallowed ground. Observe ye not yon chalky precipice, to the right of the Norman bridge? On this side of the

stream, upon its brow, is a piece of ruined wall, the last relic of what was of old a stately pile, whilst at its

foot is a place called the Lollards' Hole; and with good reason, for many a saint of God has breathed his last

beneath that white precipice, bearing witness against popish idolatry, midst flame and pitch; many a grisly

procession has advanced along that suburb, across the old bridge, towards the Lollards' Hole: furious priests

in front, a calm pale martyr in the midst, a pitying multitude behind. It has had its martyrs, the venerable old

Ah! there is good blood in that old city, and in the whole circumjacent region of which it is the capital. The

Angles possessed the land at an early period, which, however, they were eventually compelled to share with

hordes of Danes and Northmen, who flocked thither across the sea to found hearthsteads on its fertile soil.

The present race, a mixture of Angles and Danes, still preserve much which speaks strongly of their northern

ancestry; amongst them ye will find the lightbrown hair of the north, the strong and burly forms of the

north, many a wild superstition, ay, and many a wild name connected with the ancient history of the north

and its sublime mythology; the warm heart and the strong heart of the old Danes and Saxons still beats in

those regions, and there ye will find, if anywhere, old northern hospitality and kindness of manner, united

with energy, perseverance, and dauntless intrepidity; better soldiers or mariners never bled in their country's

battles than those nurtured in those regions, and within those old walls. It was yonder, to the west, that the

great naval hero of Britain first saw the light; he who annihilated the sea pride of Spain, and dragged the

humbled banner of France in triumph at his stem. He was born yonder, towards the west, and of him there is a

glorious relic in that old town; in its dark flint guildhouse, the roof of which you can just descry rising above

that maze of buildings, in the upper hall of justice, is a species of glass shrine, in which the relic is to be seen;

a sword of curious workmanship, the blade is of keen Toledan steel, the heft of ivory and motherofpearl.

'Tis the sword of Cordova, won in bloodiest fray off Saint Vincent's promontory, and presented by Nelson to

the old capital of the muchloved land of his birth. Yes, the proud Spaniard's sword is to be seen in yonder

guildhouse, in the glass case affixed to the wall: many other relics has the good old town, but none prouder

Such was the place to which, when the war was over, my father retired: it was here that the old tired soldier

set himself down with his little family. He had passed the greater part of his life in meritorious exertion, in

the service of his country, and his chief wish now was to spend the remainder of his days in quiet and

respectability; his means, it is true, were not very ample; fortunate it was that his desires corresponded with

them; with a small fortune of his own, and with his halfpay as a royal soldier, he had no fears for himself or

for his faithful partner and helpmate; but then his children! how was he to provide for them? how launch

them upon the wide ocean of the world? This was, perhaps, the only thought which gave him uneasiness, and

I believe that many an old retired officer at that time, and under similar circumstances, experienced similar

anxiety; had the war continued, their children would have been, of course, provided for in the army, but peace

now reigned, and the military career was closed to all save the scions of the aristocracy, or those who were in

some degree connected with that privileged order, an advantage which few of these old officers could boast

of; they had slight influence with the great, who gave themselves very little trouble either about them or their

'I have been writing to the Duke,' said my father one day to my excellent mother, after we had been at home

somewhat better than a year. 'I have been writing to the Duke of York about a commission for that eldest boy

of ours. He, however, affords me no hopes; he says that his list is crammed with names, and that the greater

'Nor do I,' replied my father. 'I see the sons of bankers and merchants gazetted every month, and I do not see

what claims they have to urge, unless they be golden ones. However, I have not served my king fifty years to

turn grumbler at this time of life. I suppose that the people at the head of affairs know what is most proper

and convenient; perhaps when the lad sees how difficult, nay, how impossible it is that he should enter the

'I think he has already,' said my mother; 'you see how fond he is of the arts, of drawing and painting, and, as

far as I can judge, what he has already done is very respectable; his mind seems quite turned that way, and I

heard him say the other day that he would sooner be a Michael Angelo than a general officer. But you are

'What, indeed!' said my father; 'that is a consideration which gives me no little uneasiness. I am afraid it will

be much more difficult to settle him in life than his brother. What is he fitted for, even were it in my power to

provide for him? God help the child! I bear him no ill will, on the contrary, all love and affection; but I

cannot shut my eyes; there is something so strange about him! How he behaved in Ireland! I sent him to

'And Greek as well,' said my mother. 'I heard him say the other day that he could read St. John in the original

'You will find excuses for him, I know,' said my father. 'You tell me I am always talking of my firstborn; I

might retort by saying you are always thinking of the other: but it is the way of women always to side with

the secondborn. There's what's her name in the Bible, by whose wiles the old blind man was induced to give

to his second son the blessing which was the birthright of the other. I wish I had been in his place! I should

not have been so easily deceived! no disguise would ever have caused me to mistake an impostor for my

firstborn. Though I must say for this boy that he is nothing like Jacob; he is neither smooth nor sleek, and,

'I will hear nothing against my firstborn,' said my father, 'even in the way of insinuation: he is my joy and

pride; the very image of myself in my youthful days, long before I fought Big Ben; though perhaps not quite

so tall or strong built. As for the other, God bless the child! I love him, I'm sure; but I must be blind not to see

the difference between him and his brother. Why, he has neither my hair nor my eyes; and then his

countenance! why, 'tis absolutely swarthy, God forgive me! I had almost said like that of a gypsy, but I have

nothing to say against that; the boy is not to be blamed for the colour of his face, nor for his hair and eyes;

but, then, his ways and manners! I confess I do not like them, and that they give me no little uneasiness I

know that he kept very strange company when he was in Ireland; people of evil report, of whom terrible

things were said horsewitches and the like. I questioned him once or twice upon the matter, and even

threatened him, but it was of no use; he put on a look as if he did not understand me, a regular Irish look, just

such a one as those rascals assume when they wish to appear all innocence and simplicity, and they full of

malice and deceit all the time. I don't like them; they are no friends to old England, or its old king, God bless

him! They are not good subjects, and never were; always in league with foreign enemies. When I was in the

Coldstream, long before the Revolution, I used to hear enough about the Irish brigades kept by the French

kings, to be a thorn in the side of the English whenever opportunity served. Old Sergeant Meredith once told

me that in the time of the Pretender there were always, in London alone, a dozen of fellows connected with

these brigades, with the view of seducing the king's soldiers from their allegiance, and persuading them to

desert to France to join the honest Irish, as they were called. One of these traitors once accosted him and

proposed the matter to him, offering handfuls of gold if he could induce any of his comrades to go over.

Meredith appeared to consent, but secretly gave information to his colonel; the fellow was seized, and certain

traitorous papers found upon him; he was hanged before Newgate, and died exulting in his treason. His name

was Michael Nowlan. That ever son of mine should have been intimate with the Papist Irish, and have learnt

'Other languages, you mean,' said my father. 'It is strange that he has conceived such a zest for the study of

languages; no sooner did he come home than he persuaded me to send him to that old priest to learn French

and Italian, and, if I remember right, you abetted him; but, as I said before, it is in the nature of women

invariably to take the part of the secondborn. Well, there is no harm in learning French and Italian, perhaps

much good in his case, as they may drive the other tongue out of his head. Irish! why, he might go to the

university but for that; but how would he look when, on being examined with respect to his attainments, it

was discovered that he understood Irish? How did you learn it? they would ask him; how did you become

acquainted with the language of Papists and rebels? The boy would be sent away in disgrace.'

'Be under no apprehension, I have no doubt that he has long since forgotten it.'

'I am glad to hear it,' said my father; 'for, between ourselves, I love the poor child; ay, quite as well as my

firstborn. I trust they will do well, and that God will be their shield and guide; I have no doubt He will, for I

have read something in the Bible to that effect. What is that text about the young ravens being fed?'

'I know a better than that,' said my mother; 'one of David's own words, "I have been young and now am

grown old, yet never have I seen the righteous man forsaken, or his seed begging their bread."'

I have heard talk of the pleasures of idleness, yet it is my own firm belief that no one ever yet took pleasure in

it. Mere idleness is the most disagreeable state of existence, and both mind and body are continually making

efforts to escape from it. It has been said that idleness is the parent of mischief, which is very true; but

mischief itself is merely an attempt to escape from the dreary vacuum of idleness. There are many tasks and

occupations which a man is unwilling to perform, but let no one think that he is therefore in love with

idleness; he turns to something which is more agreeable to his inclination, and doubtless more suited to his

nature; but he is not in love with idleness. A boy may play the truant from school because he dislikes books

and study; but, depend upon it, he intends doing something the while to go fishing, or perhaps to take a

walk; and who knows but that from such excursions both his mind and body may derive more benefit than

from books and school? Many people go to sleep to escape from idleness; the Spaniards do; and, according to

the French account, John Bull, the 'squire, hangs himself in the month of November; but the French, who are

a very sensible people, attribute the action A UNE GRANDE ENVIE DE SE DESENNUYER; he wishes to

be doing something, say they, and having nothing better to do, he has recourse to the cord.

It was for want of something better to do that, shortly after my return home, I applied myself to the study of

languages. By the acquisition of Irish, with the first elements of which I had become acquainted under the

tuition of Murtagh, I had contracted a certain zest and inclination for the pursuit. Yet it is probable that had I

been launched about this time into some agreeable career, that of arms for example, for which, being the son

of a soldier, I had, as was natural, a sort of penchant, I might have thought nothing more of the acquisition of

tongues of any kind; but, having nothing to do, I followed the only course suited to my genius which

So it came to pass that one day, whilst wandering listlessly about the streets of the old town, I came to a small

bookstall, and stopping, commenced turning over the books; I took up at least a dozen, and almost instantly

flung them down. What were they to me? At last, coming to a thick volume, I opened it, and after inspecting

its contents for a few minutes, I paid for it what was demanded, and forthwith carried it home.

It was a tessaraglot grammar; a strange old book, printed somewhere in Holland, which pretended to be an

easy guide to the acquirement of the French, Italian, Low Dutch, and English tongues, by means of which any

one conversant in any one of these languages could make himself master of the other three. I turned my

attention to the French and Italian. The old book was not of much value; I derived some benefit from it,

however, and, conning it intensely, at the end of a few weeks obtained some insight into the structure of these

two languages. At length I had learnt all that the book was capable of informing me, yet was still far from the

goal to which it had promised to conduct me. 'I wish I had a master!' I exclaimed; and the master was at hand.

In an old court of the old town lived a certain elderly personage, perhaps sixty, or thereabouts; he was rather

tall, and something of a robust make, with a countenance in which bluffness was singularly blended with

vivacity and grimace; and with a complexion which would have been ruddy, but for a yellow hue which

rather predominated. His dress consisted of a snuffcoloured coat and drab pantaloons, the former evidently

seldom subjected to the annoyance of a brush, and the latter exhibiting here and there spots of something

which, if not grease, bore a strong resemblance to it; add to these articles an immense frill, seldom of the

purest white, but invariably of the finest French cambric, and you have some idea of his dress. He had rather

a remarkable stoop, but his step was rapid and vigorous, and as he hurried along the streets, he would glance

to the right and left with a pair of big eyes like plums, and on recognising any one would exalt a pair of

grizzled eyebrows, and slightly kiss a tawny and ungloved hand. At certain hours of the day be might be seen

entering the doors of female boardingschools, generally with a book in his hand, and perhaps another just

peering from the orifice of a capacious back pocket; and at a certain season of the year he might be seen,

dressed in white, before the altar of a certain small popish chapel, chanting from the breviary in very

intelligible Latin, or perhaps reading from the desk in utterly unintelligible English. Such was my preceptor

in the French and Italian tongues. 'Exul sacerdos; vone banished priest. I came into England twentyfive year

Monsieur Dante Condemned musket Sporting Sweet rivulet The Earl's Home The pool The

sonorous voice What dost thou read? Man of peace Zohar and Mishna Moneychangers.

So I studied French and Italian under the tuition of the banished priest, to whose house I went regularly every

evening to receive instruction. I made considerable progress in the acquisition of the two languages. I found

the French by far the most difficult, chiefly on account of the accent, which my master himself possessed in

'Vous serez un jour un grand philologue, mon cher,' said the old man, on our arriving at the conclusion of

'I hope I shall be something better,' said I, 'before I die, or I shall have lived to little purpose.'

'That's true, my dear! philologist one small poor dog. What would you wish to be?'

'Many things sooner than that; for example, I would rather be like him who wrote this book.'

'Quoi, Monsieur Dante? He was a vagabond, my dear, forced to fly from his country. No, my dear, if you

'How, not think so? He wrote very respectable verses; lived and died much respected by everybody. T'other,

one bad dog, forced to fly from his country died with not enough to pay his undertaker.'

'That very true; but there is much difference between me and this Dante. He fled from country because he had

one bad tongue which he shook at his betters. I fly because benefice gone, and head going; not on account of

'I find myself very well here; not bad country. Il est vrai que la France sera toujours la France; but all are

dead there who knew me. I find myself very well here. Preach in popish chapel, teach schismatic, that is

Protestant, child tongues and literature. I find myself very well; and why? Because I know how to govern my

tongue; never call people hard names. Ma foi, il y a beaucoup de difference entre moi et ce sacre de Dante.'

Under this old man, who was well versed in the southern languages, besides studying French and Italian, I

acquired some knowledge of Spanish. But I did not devote my time entirely to philology; I had other pursuits.

I had not forgotten the roving life I had led in former days, nor its delights; neither was I formed by Nature to

be a pallid indoor student. No, no! I was fond of other and, I say it boldly, better things than study. I had an

attachment to the angle, ay, and to the gun likewise. In our house was a condemned musket, bearing

somewhere on its lock, in rather antique characters, 'Tower, 1746'; with this weapon I had already, in Ireland,

performed some execution among the rooks and choughs, and it was now again destined to be a source of

solace and amusement to me, in the winter season, especially on occasions of severe frost when birds

abounded. Sallying forth with it at these times, far into the country, I seldom returned at night without a string

of bullfinches, blackbirds, and linnets hanging in triumph round my neck. When I reflect on the immense

quantity of powder and shot which I crammed down the muzzle of my uncouth fowlingpiece, I am less

surprised at the number of birds which I slaughtered than that I never blew my hands, face, and old

But the winter, alas! (I speak as a fowler) seldom lasts in England more than three or four months; so, during

the rest of the year, when not occupied with my philological studies, I had to seek for other diversions. I have

already given a hint that I was also addicted to the angle. Of course there is no comparison between the two

pursuits, the rod and line seeming but very poor trumpery to one who has had the honour of carrying a noble

firelock. There is a time, however, for all things; and we return to any favourite amusement with the greater

zest, from being compelled to relinquish it for a season. So, if I shot birds in winter with my firelock, I caught

fish in summer, or attempted so to do, with my angle. I was not quite so successful, it is true, with the latter as

with the former; possibly because it afforded me less pleasure. It was, indeed, too much of a listless pastime

to inspire me with any great interest. I not unfrequently fell into a doze, whilst sitting on the bank, and more

At some distance from the city, behind a range of hilly ground which rises towards the southwest, is a small

river, the waters of which, after many meanderings, eventually enter the principal river of the district, and

assist to swell the tide which it rolls down to the ocean. It is a sweet rivulet, and pleasant is it to trace its

course from its springhead, high up in the remote regions of Eastern Anglia, till it arrives in the valley

behind yon rising ground; and pleasant is that valley, truly a goodly spot, but most lovely where yonder

bridge crosses the little stream. Beneath its arch the waters rush garrulously into a blue pool, and are there

stilled, for a time, for the pool is deep, and they appear to have sunk to sleep. Farther on, however, you hear

their voice again, where they ripple gaily over yon gravelly shallow. On the left, the hill slopes gently down

to the margin of the stream. On the right is a green level, a smiling meadow, grass of the richest decks the

side of the slope; mighty trees also adorn it, giant elms, the nearest of which, when the sun is nigh its

meridian, fling a broad shadow upon the face of the pool; through yon vista you catch a glimpse of the

ancient brick of an old English hall. It has a stately look, that old building, indistinctly seen, as it is, among

those umbrageous trees; you might almost suppose it an earl's home; and such it was, or rather upon its site

stood an earl's home, in days of old, for there some old Kemp, some Sigurd or Thorkild, roaming in quest of a

hearthstead, settled down in the gray old time, when Thor and Freya were yet gods, and Odin was a

portentous name. Yon old hall is still called the Earl's Home, though the hearth of Sigurd is now no more, and

the bones of the old Kemp, and of Sigrith his dame, have been mouldering for a thousand years in some

neighbouring knoll; perhaps yonder, where those tall Norwegian pines shoot up so boldly into the air. It is

said that the old earl's galley was once moored where is now that blue pool, for the waters of that valley were

not always sweet; yon valley was once an arm of the sea, a salt lagoon, to which the war barks of 'Sigurd, in

I was in the habit of spending many an hour on the banks of that rivulet, with my rod in my hand, and, when

tired with angling, would stretch myself on the grass, and gaze upon the waters as they glided past, and not

unfrequently, divesting myself of my dress, I would plunge into the deep pool which I have already

mentioned, for I had long since learned to swim. And it came to pass that on one hot summer's day, after

bathing in the pool, I passed along the meadow till I came to a shallow part, and, wading over to the opposite

side, I adjusted my dress, and commenced fishing in another pool, beside which was a small clump of hazels.

And there I sat upon the bank, at the bottom of the hill which slopes down from 'the Earl's home'; my float

was on the waters, and my back was towards the old hall. I drew up many fish, small and great, which I took

from off the hook mechanically, and flung upon the bank, for I was almost unconscious of what I was about,

for my mind was not with my fish. I was thinking of my earlier years of the Scottish crags and the heaths of

Ireland and sometimes my mind would dwell on my studies on the sonorous stanzas of Dante, rising and

falling like the waves of the sea or would strive to remember a couplet or two of poor Monsieur Boileau.

'Canst thou answer to thy conscience for pulling all those fish out of the water, and leaving them to gasp in

I started, and looked round. Close behind me stood the tall figure of a man, dressed in raiment of quaint and

singular fashion, but of goodly materials. He was in the prime and vigour of manhood; his features handsome

and noble, but full of calmness and benevolence; at least I thought so, though they were somewhat shaded by

'Surely that is a very cruel diversion in which thou indulgest, my young friend?' he continued.

'I am sorry for it, if it be, sir,' said I, rising; 'but I do not think it cruel to fish.'

'True; and Andrew and his brother. But thou forgettest: they did not follow fishing as a diversion, as I fear

'Sometimes? not daily? that is to be regretted. What profession dost thou make? I mean to what

'It is a very good profession there is much of Scripture contained in its liturgy. Dost thou read aught besides

'Indeed! then thou hast the advantage over myself; I can only read the former. Well, I am rejoiced to find that

'I will lend thee books, if thou wish to undertake the study. I live yonder at the hall, as perhaps thou knowest.

I have a library there, in which are many curious books, both in Greek and Hebrew, which I will show to

thee, whenever thou mayest find it convenient to come and see me. Farewell! I am glad to find that thou hast

And the man of peace departed, and left me on the bank of the stream. Whether from the effect of his words,

or from want of inclination to the sport, I know not, but from that day I became less and less a practitioner of

that 'cruel fishing.' I rarely flung line and angle into the water, but I not unfrequently wandered by the banks

of the pleasant rivulet. It seems singular to me, on reflection, that I never availed myself of his kind

invitation. I say singular, for the extraordinary, under whatever form, had long had no slight interest for me;

and I had discernment enough to perceive that yon was no common man. Yet I went not near him, certainly

not from bashfulness or timidity, feelings to which I had long been an entire stranger. Am I to regret this?

perhaps, for I might have learned both wisdom and righteousness from those calm, quiet lips, and my

aftercourse might have been widely different. As it was, I fell in with other guess companions, from whom I

received widely different impressions than those I might have derived from him. When many years had rolled

on, long after I had attained manhood, and had seen and suffered much, and when our first interview had long

since been effaced from the mind of the man of peace, I visited him in his venerable hall, and partook of the

hospitality of his hearth. And there I saw his gentle partner and his fair children, and on the morrow he

showed me the books of which he had spoken years before by the side of the stream. In the low quiet

chamber, whose one window, shaded by a gigantic elm, looks down the slope towards the pleasant stream, he

took from the shelf his learned books, Zohar and Mishna, Toldoth Jesu and Abarbenel. 'I am fond of these

studies,' said he, 'which, perhaps, is not to be wondered at, seeing that our people have been compared to the

Jews. In one respect I confess we are similar to them; we are fond of getting money. I do not like this last

author, this Abarbenel, the worse for having been a moneychanger. I am a banker myself, as thou knowest.'

And would there were many like him, amidst the moneychangers of princes! The hall of many an earl lacks

the bounty, the palace of many a prelate the piety and learning, which adorn the quiet quaker's home!

Fair of horses Looks of respect The fast trotter Pair of eyes Strange men Jasper, your pal Force of

I have already had occasion to mention this castle. It is the remains of what was once a Norman stronghold,

and is perched upon a round mound or monticle, in the midst of the old city. Steep is this mound and scarped,

evidently by the hand of man; a deep gorge over which is flung a bridge, separates it, on the south, from a

broad swell of open ground called 'the hill'; of old the scene of many a tournament and feat of Norman

chivalry, but now much used as a showplace for cattle, where those who buy and sell beeves and other

The reader is already aware that I had long since conceived a passion for the equine race; a passion in which

circumstances had of late not permitted me to indulge. I had no horses to ride, but I took pleasure in looking

at them; and I had already attended more than one of these fairs: the present was lively enough, indeed horse

fairs are seldom dull. There was shouting and whooping, neighing and braying; there was galloping and

trotting; fellows with highlows and white stockings, and with many a string dangling from the knees of their

tight breeches, were running desperately, holding horses by the halter, and in some cases dragging them

along; there were longtailed steeds and docktailed steeds of every degree and breed; there were droves of

wild ponies, and long rows of sober cart horses; there were donkeys, and even mules: the last rare things to be

seen in damp, misty England, for the mule pines in mud and rain, and thrives best with a hot sun above and a

burning sand below. There were oh, the gallant creatures! I hear their neigh upon the wind; there were

goodliest sight of all certain enormous quadrupeds only seen to perfection in our native isle, led about by

dapper grooms, their manes ribanded and their tails curiously clubbed and balled. Ha! ha! how distinctly do

An old man draws nigh, he is mounted on a lean pony, and he leads by the bridle one of these animals;

nothing very remarkable about that creature, unless in being smaller than the rest and gentle, which they are

not; he is not of the sightliest look; he is almost dun, and over one eye a thick film has gathered. But stay!

there IS something remarkable about that horse, there is something in his action in which he differs from all

the rest: as he advances, the clamour is hushed! all eyes are turned upon him what looks of interest of

respect and, what is this? people are taking off their hats surely not to that steed! Yes, verily! men,

especially old men, are taking off their hats to that oneeyed steed, and I hear more than one deepdrawn ah!

'What horse is that?' said I to a very old fellow, the counterpart of the old man on the pony, save that the last

'The best in mother England,' said the very old man, taking a knobbed stick from his mouth, and looking me

in the face, at first carelessly, but presently with something like interest; 'he is old like myself, but can still

trot his twenty miles an hour. You won't live long, my swain; tall and overgrown ones like thee never does;

yet, if you should chance to reach my years, you may boast to thy greatgrandboys thou hast seen

Amain I did for the horse what I would neither do for earl nor baron, doffed my hat; yes! I doffed my hat to

the wondrous horse, the fast trotter, the best in mother England; and I too drew a deep ah! and repeated the

words of the old fellows around. 'Such a horse as this we shall never see again; a pity that he is so old.'

Now during all this time I had a kind of consciousness that I had been the object of some person's

observation; that eyes were fastened upon me from somewhere in the crowd. Sometimes I thought myself

watched from before, sometimes from behind; and occasionally methought that, if I just turned my head to

the right or left, I should meet a peering and inquiring glance; and indeed once or twice I did turn, expecting

to see somebody whom I knew, yet always without success; though it appeared to me that I was but a

moment too late, and that some one had just slipped away from the direction to which I turned, like the figure

in a magic lanthorn. Once I was quite sure that there were a pair of eyes glaring over my right shoulder; my

attention, however, was so fully occupied with the objects which I have attempted to describe, that I thought

very little of this coming and going, this flitting and dodging of I knew not whom or what. It was, after all, a

matter of sheer indifference to me who was looking at me. I could only wish whomsoever it might be to be

more profitably employed; so I continued enjoying what I saw; and now there was a change in the scene, the

wondrous old horse departed with his aged guardian; other objects of interest are at hand; two or three men

on horseback are hurrying through the crowd, they are widely different in their appearance from the other

people of the fair; not so much in dress, for they are clad something after the fashion of rustic jockeys, but in

their look no lightbrown hair have they, no ruddy cheeks, no blue quiet glances belong to them; their

features are dark, their locks long, black, and shining, and their eyes are wild; they are admirable horsemen,

but they do not sit the saddle in the manner of common jockeys, they seem to float or hover upon it, like gulls

upon the waves; two of them are mere striplings, but the third is a very tall man with a countenance heroically

beautiful, but wild, wild, wild. As they rush along, the crowd give way on all sides, and now a kind of ring or

circus is formed, within which the strange men exhibit their horsemanship, rushing past each other, in and

out, after the manner of a reel, the tall man occasionally balancing himself upon the saddle, and standing erect

on one foot. He had just regained his seat after the latter feat, and was about to push his horse to a gallop,

when a figure started forward close from beside me, and laying his hand on his neck, and pulling him gently

downward, appeared to whisper something into his ear; presently the tall man raised his head, and, scanning

the crowd for a moment in the direction in which I was standing, fixed his eyes full upon me, and anon the

countenance of the whisperer was turned, but only in part, and the sideglance of another pair of wild eyes

was directed towards my face, but the entire visage of the big black man, half stooping as he was, was turned

But now, with a nod to the figure who had stopped him, and with another inquiring glance at myself, the big

man once more put his steed into motion, and, after riding round the ring a few more times, darted through a

lane in the crowd, and followed by his two companions disappeared, whereupon the figure who had

whispered to him, and had subsequently remained in the middle of the space, came towards me, and, cracking

a whip which he held in his hand so loudly that the report was nearly equal to that of a pocket pistol, he cried

'I remember that word,' said I, 'and I almost think I remember you. You can't be '

'It is strange that you should have known me,' said I. 'I am certain, but for the word you used, I should never

'Not so strange as you may think, brother; there is something in your face which would prevent people from

forgetting you, even though they might wish it; and your face is not much altered since the time you wot of,

though you are so much grown. I thought it was you, but to make sure I dodged about, inspecting you. I

believe you felt me, though I never touched you; a sign, brother, that we are akin, that we are dui palor two

relations. Your blood beat when mine was near, as mine always does at the coming of a brother; and we

'Not in the town; the like of us don't find it exactly wholesome to stay in towns, we keep abroad. But I have

We descended the hill in the direction of the north, and passing along the suburb reached the old Norman

bridge, which we crossed; the chalk precipice, with the ruin on its top, was now before us; but turning to the

left we walked swiftly along, and presently came to some rising ground, which ascending, we found

'And that tall handsome man on the hill, whom you whispered? I suppose he's one of ye. What is his name?'

'Tawno Chikno,' said Jasper, 'which means the small one; we call him such because he is the biggest man of

all our nation. You say he is handsome, that is not the word, brother; he's the beauty of the world. Women run

wild at the sight of Tawno. An earl's daughter, near London a fine young lady with diamonds round her

neck fell in love with Tawno. I have seen that lass on a heath, as this may be, kneel down to Tawno, clasp

his feet, begging to be his wife or anything else if she might go with him. But Tawno would have nothing

to do with her: "I have a wife of my own," said he, "a lawful rommany wife, whom I love better than the

'Why, you know, brother, beauty is frequently a matter of taste; however, as you ask my opinion, I should say

We had now arrived at a small valley between two hills, or downs, the sides of which were covered with

furze; in the midst of this valley were various carts and low tents forming a rude kind of encampment; several

dark children were playing about, who took no manner of notice of us. As we passed one of the tents,

however, a canvas screen was lifted up, and a woman supported upon a crutch hobbled out. She was about

the middle age, and, besides being lame, was bitterly ugly; she was very slovenly dressed, and on her swarthy

features ill nature was most visibly stamped. She did not deign me a look, but, addressing Jasper in a tongue

'He's coming,' said Jasper, and passed on. 'Poor fellow,' said he to me, 'he has scarcely been gone an hour, and

she's jealous already. Well,' he continued, 'what do you think of her? you have seen her now, and can judge

The tent Pleasant discourse I am Pharaoh Shifting for one's self Horseshoes This is wonderful

Bless your wisdom A pretty manoeuvre Ill day to the Romans My name is Herne Singular people

WE went to the farthest of the tents, which stood at a slight distance from the rest, and which exactly

resembled the one which I have described on a former occasion; we went in and sat down one on each side of

a small fire, which was smouldering on the ground, there was no one else in the tent but a tall tawny woman

of middle age, who was busily knitting. 'Brother,' said Jasper, 'I wish to hold some pleasant discourse with

'As much as you please,' said I, 'provided you can find anything pleasant to talk about.'

'Never fear,' said Jasper; 'and first of all we will talk of yourself. Where have you been all this long time?'

'Here and there,' said I, 'and far and near, going about with the soldiers; but there is no soldiering now, so we

'No,' said I, 'I have given up that long ago; I do better now: read books and learn languages.'

'Well, I am sorry you have given up your snakehunting, many's the strange talk I have had with our people

about your snake and yourself, and how you frightened my father and mother in the lane.'

'Perhaps; but you are of the Gorgios, and I am a Rommany Chal. Tawno Chikno take care of Jasper

'Where are your languages? You want two things, brother: mother sense, and gentle Rommany.'

'Yes, and horses too; bring me the most vicious in the land, if I whisper he'll be tame.'

'Then the more shame for you a snakefellow a horsewitch and a lilreader yet you can't shift for

'Sometimes he has; but he is not so well off as myself. When my father and mother were bitchadey pawdel,

which, to tell you the truth, they were for chiving wafodo dloovu, they left me all they had, which was not a

little, and I became the head of our family, which was not a small one. I was not older than you when that

happened; yet our people said they had never a better krallis to contrive and plan for them, and to keep them

in order. And this is so well known that many Rommany Chals, not of our family, come and join themselves

to us, living with us for a time, in order to better themselves, more especially those of the poorer sort, who

'One of the poorest, brother. Handsome as he is, he has not a horse of his own to ride on. Perhaps we may put

'Ha, ha!' cried the woman, who had hitherto sat knitting, at the farther end of the tent, without saying a word,

though not inattentive to our conversation, as I could perceive by certain glances which she occasionally cast

upon us both. 'Ha, ha!' she screamed, fixing upon me two eyes, which shone like burning coals, and which

were filled with an expression both of scorn and malignity, 'It is wonderful, is it, that we should have a

language of our own? What, you grudge the poor people the speech they talk among themselves? That's just

like you gorgios; you would have everybody stupid, singletongued idiots, like yourselves. We are taken

before the Poknees of the gav, myself and sister, to give an account of ourselves. So I says to my sister's little

boy, speaking Rommany, I says to the little boy who is with us, Run to my son Jasper, and the rest, and tell

them to be off, there are hawks abroad. So the Poknees questions us, and lets us go, not being able to make

anything of us; but, as we are going, he calls us back. "Good woman," says the Poknees, "what was that I

heard you say just now to the little boy?" "I was telling him, your worship, to go and see the time of day, and

to save trouble, I said it in our language." "Where did you get that language?" says the Poknees. "'Tis our own

language, sir," I tells him, "we did not steal it." "Shall I tell you what it is, my good woman?" says the

Poknees. "I would thank you, sir," says I, "for 'tis often we are asked about it." "Well, then," says the

Poknees, "it is no language at all, merely a madeup gibberish." "Oh, bless your wisdom," says I, with a

curtsey, "you can tell us what our language is, without understanding it!" Another time we meet a parson.

"Good woman," says he, "what's that you are talking? Is it broken language?" "Of course, your reverence,"

says I, "we are broken people; give a shilling, your reverence, to the poor broken woman." Oh, these gorgios!

'Not whilst I am here,' said the woman, flinging her knitting down, and starting upon her feet; 'not whilst I am

here shall this gorgio learn Rommany. A pretty manoeuvre, truly; and what would be the end of it? I goes to

the farming ker with my sister, to tell a fortune, and earn a few sixpences for the chabes. I sees a jolly pig in

the yard, and I says to my sister, speaking Rommany, "Do so and so," says I; which the farming man hearing,

asks what we are talking about. "Nothing at all, master," says I; "something about the weather"; when who

should start up from behind a pale, where he has been listening, but this ugly gorgio, crying out, "They are

after poisoning your pigs, neighbour!" so that we are glad to run, I and my sister, with perhaps the

farmengro shouting after us. Says my sister to me, when we have got fairly off, "How came that ugly one to

know what you said to me?" Whereupon I answers, "It all comes of my son Jasper, who brings the gorgio to

our fire, and must needs be teaching him." "Who was fool there?" says my sister. "Who, indeed, but my son

Jasper," I answers. And here should I be a greater fool to sit still and suffer it; which I will not do. I do not

like the look of him; he looks overgorgeous. An ill day to the Romans when he masters Rommany; and,

'You had better be jawing,' said the woman, raising her voice to a terrible scream; 'you had better be moving

off, my gorgio; hang you for a keen one, sitting there by the fire, and stealing my language before my face.

Do you know whom you have to deal with? Do you know that I am dangerous? My name is Herne, and I

And a hairy one she looked! She wore her hair clubbed upon her head, fastened with many strings and

ligatures; but now, tearing these off, her locks, originally jet black, but now partially grizzled with age, fell

down on every side of her, covering her face and back as far down as her knees. No shebear of Lapland ever

looked more fierce and hairy than did that woman, as standing in the open part of the tent, with her head bent

down, and her shoulders drawn up, seemingly about to precipitate herself upon me, she repeated, again and

'Would it not be a rum thing if divine and devilish were originally one and the same word?'

From this time I had frequent interviews with Jasper, sometimes in his tent, sometimes on the heath, about

which we would roam for hours, discoursing on various matters. Sometimes, mounted on one of his horses,

of which he had several, I would accompany him to various fairs and markets in the neighbourhood, to which

he went on his own affairs, or those of his tribe. I soon found that I had become acquainted with a most

singular people, whose habits and pursuits awakened within me the highest interest. Of all connected with

them, however, their language was doubtless that which exercised the greatest influence over my

imagination. I had at first some suspicion that it would prove a mere madeup gibberish; but I was soon

undeceived. Broken, corrupted, and half in ruins as it was, it was not long before I found that it was an

original speech, far more so, indeed, than one or two others of high name and celebrity, which, up to that

time, I had been in the habit of regarding with respect and veneration. Indeed many obscure points connected

with the vocabulary of these languages, and to which neither classic nor modern lore afforded any clue, I

thought I could now clear up by means of this strange broken tongue, spoken by people who dwelt amongst

thickets and furze bushes, in tents as tawny as their faces, and whom the generality of mankind designated,

and with much semblance of justice, as thieves and vagabonds. But where did this speech come from, and

who were they who spoke it? These were questions which I could not solve, and which Jasper himself, when

pressed, confessed his inability to answer. 'But, whoever we be, brother,' said he, 'we are an old people, and

not what folks in general imagine, broken gorgios; and, if we are not Egyptians, we are at any rate Rommany

'Rommany Chals! I should not wonder after all,' said I, 'that these people had something to do with the

founding of Rome. Rome, it is said, was built by vagabonds, who knows but that some tribe of the kind

settled down thereabouts, and called the town which they built after their name; but whence did they come

But abandoning these questions, which at that time were far too profound for me, I went on studying the

language, and at the same time the characters and manners of these strange people. My rapid progress in the

former astonished, while it delighted, Jasper. 'We'll no longer call you Sapengro, brother,' said he; but rather

Lavengro, which in the language of the gorgios meaneth Word master.' 'Nay, brother,' said Tawno Chikno,

with whom I had become very intimate, 'you had better call him Cooromengro, I have put on THE

GLOVES with him, and find him a pure fistmaster; I like him for that, for I am a Cooromengro myself,

'I likes him for his modesty,' said Mrs. Chikno; 'I never hears any ill words come from his mouth, but, on the

contrary, much sweet language. His talk is golden, and he has taught my eldest to say his prayers in

Rommany, which my rover had never the grace to do.' 'He is the pal of my rom,' said Mrs. Petulengro, who

was a very handsome woman, 'and therefore I likes him, and not the less for his being a rye; folks calls me

highminded, and perhaps I have reason to be so; before I married Pharaoh I had an offer from a lord I

likes the young rye, and, if he chooses to follow us, he shall have my sister. What say you, mother? should

'I am going to my people,' said Mrs. Herne, placing a bundle upon a donkey, which was her own peculiar

property; 'I am going to Yorkshire, for I can stand this no longer. You say you like him: in that we differs; I

hates the gorgio, and would like, speaking Romanly, to mix a little poison with his waters. And now go to

Lundra, my children, I goes to Yorkshire. Take my blessing with ye, and a little bit of a gillie to cheer your

hearts with when ye are weary. In all kinds of weather have we lived together; but now we are parted. I goes

brokenhearted I can't keep you company; ye are no longer Rommany. To gain a bad brother, ye have lost

What profession? Not fitted for a Churchman Erratic course The bitter draught Principle of woe

SO the gypsies departed; Mrs. Herne to Yorkshire, and the rest to London: as for myself, I continued in the

house of my parents, passing my time in much the same manner as I have already described, principally in

philological pursuits; but I was now sixteen, and it was highly necessary that I should adopt some profession,

unless I intended to fritter away my existence, and to be a useless burden to those who had given me birth;

but what profession was I to choose? there being none in the wide world perhaps for which I was suited; nor

was there any one for which I felt any decided inclination, though perhaps there existed within me a lurking

penchant for the profession of arms, which was natural enough, as, from my earliest infancy, I had been

accustomed to military sights and sounds; but this profession was then closed, as I have already hinted, and,

as I believe, it has since continued, to those who, like myself, had no better claims to urge than the services of

My father, who, for certain reasons of his own, had no very high opinion of the advantages resulting from this

career, would have gladly seen me enter the Church. His desire was, however, considerably abated by one or

two passages of my life, which occurred to his recollection. He particularly dwelt on the unheardof manner

in which I had picked up the Irish language, and drew from thence the conclusion that I was not fitted by

nature to cut a respectable figure at an English university. 'He will fly off in a tangent,' said he, 'and, when

called upon to exhibit his skill in Greek, will be found proficient in Irish; I have observed the poor lad

attentively, and really do not know what to make of him; but I am afraid he will never make a churchman!'

And I have no doubt that my excellent father was right, both in his premisses and the conclusion at which he

arrived. I had undoubtedly, at one period of my life, forsaken Greek for Irish, and the instructions of a learned

Protestant divine for those of a Papist gossoon, the cardfancying Murtagh; and of late, though I kept it a

strict secret, I had abandoned in a great measure the study of the beautiful Italian, and the recitation of the

sonorous terzets of the Divine Comedy, in which at one time I took the greatest delight, in order to become

acquainted with the broken speech, and yet more broken songs, of certain houseless wanderers whom I had

met at a horse fair. Such an erratic course was certainly by no means in consonance with the sober and

unvarying routine of college study. And my father, who was a man of excellent common sense, displayed it

in not pressing me to adopt a profession which required qualities of mind which he saw I did not possess.

Other professions were talked of, amongst which the law; but now an event occurred which had nearly

stopped my career, and merged all minor points of solicitude in anxiety for my life. My strength and appetite

suddenly deserted me, and I began to pine and droop. Some said that I had overgrown myself, and that these

were the symptoms of a rapid decline; I grew worse and worse, and was soon stretched upon my bed, from

which it seemed scarcely probable that I should ever more rise, the physicians themselves giving but slight

hopes of my recovery: as for myself, I made up my mind to die, and felt quite resigned. I was sadly ignorant

at that time, and, when I thought of death, it appeared to me little else than a pleasant sleep, and I wished for

sleep, of which I got but little. It was well that I did not die that time, for I repeat that I was sadly ignorant of

many important things. I did not die, for somebody coming gave me a strange, bitter draught; a decoction, I

believe, of a bitter root which grows on commons and desolate places: and the person who gave it me was an

ancient female, a kind of doctress, who had been my nurse in my infancy, and who, hearing of my state, had

come to see me; so I drank the draught, and became a little better, and I continued taking draughts made from

But how much more quickly does strength desert the human frame than return to it! I had become

convalescent, it is true, but my state of feebleness was truly pitiable. I believe it is in that state that the most

remarkable feature of human physiology frequently exhibits itself. Oh, how dare I mention the dark feeling of

mysterious dread which comes over the mind, and which the lamp of reason, though burning bright the while,

is unable to dispel! Art thou, as leeches say, the concomitant of disease the result of shattered nerves? Nay,

rather the principle of woe itself, the fountainhead of all sorrow coexistent with man, whose influence he

feels when yet unborn, and whose workings he testifies with his earliest cries, when, 'drowned in tears,' he

first beholds the light; for, as the sparks fly upward, so is man born to trouble, and woe doth he bring with

him into the world, even thyself, dark one, terrible one, causeless, unbegotten, without a father. Oh, how

unfrequently dost thou break down the barriers which divide thee from the poor soul of man, and overcast its

sunshine with thy gloomy shadow. In the brightest days of prosperity in the midst of health and wealth

how sentient is the poor human creature of thy neighbourhood! how instinctively aware that the floodgates

of horror may be cast open, and the dark stream engulf him for ever and ever! Then is it not lawful for man to

exclaim, 'Better that I had never been born!' Fool, for thyself thou wast not born, but to fulfil the inscrutable

decrees of thy Creator; and how dost thou know that this dark principle is not, after all, thy best friend; that it

is not that which tempers the whole mass of thy corruption? It may be, for what thou knowest, the mother of

wisdom, and of great works: it is the dread of the horror of the night that makes the pilgrim hasten on his

way. When thou feelest it nigh, let thy safety word be 'Onward'; if thou tarry, thou art overwhelmed.

Courage! build great works 'tis urging thee it is ever nearest the favourites of God the fool knows little

of it. Thou wouldst be joyous, wouldst thou? then be a fool. What great work was ever the result of joy, the

puny one? Who have been the wise ones, the mighty ones, the conquering ones of this earth? the joyous? I

believe not. The fool is happy, or comparatively so certainly the least sorrowful, but he is still a fool: and

'What ails you, my child?' said a mother to her son, as he lay on a couch under the influence of the dreadful

MOTHER. But of what? There is no one can harm you; of what are you apprehensive?

BOY. Of nothing that I can express; I know not what I am afraid of, but afraid I am.

MOTHER. Perhaps you see sights and visions; I knew a lady once who was continually thinking that she saw

an armed man threaten her, but it was only an imagination, a phantom of the brain.

BOY. No armed man threatens me; and 'tis not a thing like that would cause me any fear. Did an armed man

threaten me, I would get up and fight him; weak as I am, I would wish for nothing better, for then, perhaps, I

should lose this fear; mine is a dread of I know not what, and there the horror lies.

MOTHER. Your forehead is cool, and your speech collected. Do you know where you are?

BOY. I know where I am, and I see things just as they are; you are beside me, and upon the table there is a

book which was written by a Florentine; all this I see, and that there is no ground for being afraid. I am,

And then there was a burst of 'gemiti, sospiri ed alti guai.' Alas, alas, poor child of clay! as the sparks fly

Agreeable delusions Youth A profession Ab Gwilym Glorious English law There they pass My

dear old master The deal desk Language of the tents Where is Morfydd? Go to only once.

IT has been said by this or that writer, I scarcely know by whom, that, in proportion as we grow old, and our

time becomes short, the swifter does it pass, until at last, as we approach the borders of the grave, it assumes

all the speed and impetuosity of a river about to precipitate itself into an abyss; this is doubtless the case,

provided we can carry to the grave those pleasant thoughts and delusions, which alone render life agreeable,

and to which even to the very last we would gladly cling; but what becomes of the swiftness of time, when

the mind sees the vanity of human pursuits? which is sure to be the case when its fondest, dearest hopes have

been blighted at the very moment when the harvest was deemed secure. What becomes from that moment, I

repeat, of the shortness of time? I put not the question to those who have never known that trial, they are

satisfied with themselves and all around them, with what they have done, and yet hope to do; some carry their

delusions with them to the borders of the grave, ay, to the very moment when they fall into it; a beautiful

golden cloud surrounds them to the last, and such talk of the shortness of time: through the medium of that

cloud the world has ever been a pleasant world to them; their only regret is that they are so soon to quit it; but

To the generality of mankind there is no period like youth. The generality are far from fortunate; but the

period of youth, even to the least so, offers moments of considerable happiness, for they are not only disposed

but able to enjoy most things within their reach. With what trifles at that period are we content; the things

from which in afterlife we should turn away in disdain please us then, for we are in the midst of a golden

cloud, and everything seems decked with a golden hue. Never during any portion of my life did time flow on

more speedily than during the two or three years immediately succeeding the period to which we arrived in

the preceding chapter: since then it has flagged often enough; sometimes it has seemed to stand entirely still;

and the reader may easily judge how it fares at the present, from the circumstance of my taking pen in hand,

and endeavouring to write down the passages of my life a last resource with most people. But at the period

to which I allude I was just, as I may say, entering upon life; I had adopted a profession, and, to keep up my

character, simultaneously with that profession the study of a new language. I speedily became a proficient

in the one, but ever remained a novice in the other: a novice in the law, but a perfect master in the Welsh

Yes; very pleasant times were those, when within the womb of a lofty deal desk, behind which I sat for some

eight hours every day, transcribing (when I imagined eyes were upon me) documents of every description in

every possible hand, Blackstone kept company with Ab Gwilym the polished English lawyer of the last

century, who wrote long and prosy chapters on the rights of things with a certain wild Welshman, who

some four hundred years before that time indited immortal cowydds and odes to the wives of Cambrian

chieftains more particularly to one Morfydd, the wife of a certain hunchbacked dignitary called by the poet

facetiously Bwa Bach generally terminating with the modest request of a little private parlance beneath the

greenwood bough, with no other witness than the eos, or nightingale, a request which, if the poet himself may

be believed, rather a doubtful point, was seldom, very seldom, denied. And by what strange chance had Ab

Gwilym and Blackstone, two personages so exceedingly different, been thus brought together? From what the

reader already knows of me, he may be quite prepared to find me reading the former; but what could have

I have ever loved to be as explicit as possible; on which account, perhaps, I never attained to any proficiency

in the law, the essence of which is said to be ambiguity; most questions may be answered in a few words, and

this among the rest, though connected with the law. My parents deemed it necessary that I should adopt some

profession, they named the law; the law was as agreeable to me as any other profession within my reach, so I

adopted the law, and the consequence was, that Blackstone, probably for the first time, found himself in

So I sat behind a desk many hours in the day, ostensibly engaged in transcribing documents of various kinds;

the scene of my labours was a strange old house, occupying one side of a long and narrow court, into which,

however, the greater number of the windows looked not, but into an extensive garden, filled with fruit trees,

in the rear of a large, handsome house, belonging to a highly respectable gentleman, who, moyennant un

douceur considerable, had consented to instruct my father's youngest son in the mysteries of glorious English

law. Ah! would that I could describe the good gentleman in the manner which he deserves; he has long since

sunk to his place in a respectable vault, in the aisle of a very respectable church, whilst an exceedingly

respectable marble slab against the neighbouring wall tells on a Sunday some eye wandering from its

prayerbook that his dust lies below; to secure such respectabilities in death, he passed a most respectable

life. Let no one sneer, he accomplished much; his life was peaceful, so was his death. Are these trifles? I wish

I could describe him, for I loved the man, and with reason, for he was ever kind to me, to whom kindness has

not always been shown; and he was, moreover, a choice specimen of a class which no longer exists a

gentleman lawyer of the old school. I would fain describe him, but figures with which he has nought to do

press forward and keep him from my mind's eye; there they pass, Spaniard and Moor, Gypsy, Turk, and livid

Jew. But who is that? what that thick pursy man in the loose, snuff coloured greatcoat, with the white

stockings, drab breeches, and silver buckles on his shoes; that man with the bull neck, and singular head,

immense in the lower part, especially about the jaws, but tapering upward like a pear; the man with the bushy

brows, small gray eyes replete with catlike expression, whose grizzled hair is cut close, and whose earlobes

are pierced with small golden rings? Oh! that is not my dear old master, but a widely different personage.

Bon jour, Monsieur Vidocq! expressions de ma part a Monsieur Le Baron Taylor. But here he comes at last,

A more respectablelooking individual was never seen; he really looked what he was, a gentleman of the law

there was nothing of the pettifogger about him: somewhat under the middle size, and somewhat rotund in

person, he was always dressed in a full suit of black, never worn long enough to become threadbare. His face

was rubicund, and not without keenness; but the most remarkable thing about him was the crown of his head,

which was bald, and shone like polished ivory, nothing more white, smooth, and lustrous. Some people have

said that he wore false calves, probably because his black silk stockings never exhibited a wrinkle; they might

just as well have said that he waddled, because his shoes creaked; for these last, which were always without a

speck, and polished as his crown, though of a different hue, did creak, as he walked rather slowly. I cannot

He had a handsome practice, and might have died a very rich man, much richer than he did, had he not been

in the habit of giving rather expensive dinners to certain great people, who gave him nothing in return except

their company; I could never discover his reasons for doing so, as he always appeared to me a remarkably

quiet man, by nature averse to noise and bustle; but in all dispositions there are anomalies: I have already said

that he lived in a handsome house, and I may as well here add that he had a very handsome wife, who both

So I sat behind the deal desk, engaged in copying documents of various kinds; and in the apartment in which

I sat, and in the adjoining ones, there were others, some of whom likewise copied documents, while some

were engaged in the yet more difficult task of drawing them up; and some of these, sons of nobody, were paid

for the work they did, whilst others, like myself, sons of somebody, paid for being permitted to work, which,

as our principal observed, was but reasonable, forasmuch as we not unfrequently utterly spoiled the greater

There was one part of the day when I generally found myself quite alone, I mean at the hour when the rest

went home to their principal meal; I, being the youngest, was left to take care of the premises, to answer the

bell, and so forth, till relieved, which was seldom before the expiration of an hour and a half, when I myself

went home; this period, however, was anything but disagreeable to me, for it was then that I did what best

pleased me, and, leaving off copying the documents, I sometimes indulged in a fit of musing, my chin resting

on both my hands, and my elbows planted on the desk; or, opening the desk aforesaid, I would take out one

of the books contained within it, and the book which I took out was almost invariably, not Blackstone, but Ab

Ah, that Ab Gwilym! I am much indebted to him, and it were ungrateful on my part not to devote a few lines

to him and his songs in this my history. Start not, reader, I am not going to trouble you with a poetical

dissertation; no, no; I know my duty too well to introduce anything of the kind; but I, who imagine I know

several things, and amongst others the workings of your mind at this moment, have an idea that you are

anxious to learn a little, a very little, more about Ab Gwilym than I have hitherto told you, the two or three

words that I have dropped having awakened within you a languid kind of curiosity. I have no hesitation in

saying that he makes one of the some halfdozen really great poets whose verses, in whatever language they

wrote, exist at the present day, and are more or less known. It matters little how I first became acquainted

with the writings of this man, and how the short thick volume, stuffed full with his immortal imaginings, first

came into my hands. I was studying Welsh, and I fell in with Ab Gwilym by no very strange chance. But,

before I say more about Ab Gwilym, I must be permitted I really must to say a word or two about the

language in which he wrote, that same 'Sweet Welsh.' If I remember right, I found the language a difficult

one; in mastering it, however, I derived unexpected assistance from what of Irish remained in my head, and I

soon found that they were cognate dialects, springing from some old tongue which itself, perhaps, had sprung

from one much older. And here I cannot help observing cursorily that I every now and then, whilst studying

this Welsh, generally supposed to be the original tongue of Britain, encountered words which, according to

the lexicographers, were venerable words highly expressive, showing the wonderful power and originality of

the Welsh, in which, however, they were no longer used in common discourse, but were relics, precious

relics, of the first speech of Britain, perhaps of the world; with which words, however, I was already well

acquainted, and which I had picked up, not in learned books, classic books, and in tongues of old renown, but

whilst listening to Mr. Petulengro and Tawno Chikno talking over their everyday affairs in the language of

the tents; which circumstance did not fail to give rise to deep reflection in those moments when, planting my

elbows on the deal desk, I rested my chin upon my hands. But it is probable that I should have abandoned the

pursuit of the Welsh language, after obtaining a very superficial acquaintance with it, had it not been for Ab

A strange songster was that who, pretending to be captivated by every woman he saw, was, in reality, in love

with nature alone wild, beautiful, solitary nature her mountains and cascades, her forests and streams, her

birds, fishes, and wild animals. Go to, Ab Gwilym, with thy pseudoamatory odes, to Morfydd, or this or that

other lady, fair or ugly; little didst thou care for any of them, Dame Nature was thy love, however thou

mayest seek to disguise the truth. Yes, yes, send thy lovemessage to Morfydd, the fair wanton. By whom

dost thou send it, I would know? by the salmon forsooth, which haunts the rushing stream! the glorious

salmon which bounds and gambols in the flashing water, and whose ways and circumstances thou so well

describest see, there he hurries upwards through the flashing water. Halloo! what a glimpse of glory but

where is Morfydd the while? What, another message to the wife of Bwa Bach? Ay, truly; and by whom?

the wind! the swift wind, the rider of the world, whose course is not to be stayed; who gallops o'er the

mountain, and, when he comes to broadest river, asks neither for boat nor ferry; who has described the wind

so well his speed and power? But where is Morfydd? And now thou art awaiting Morfydd, the wanton, the

wife of the Bwa Bach; thou art awaiting her beneath the tall trees, amidst the underwood; but she comes not;

no Morfydd is there. Quite right, Ab Gwilym; what wantest thou with Morfydd? But another form is nigh at

hand, that of red Reynard, who, seated upon his chine at the mouth of his cave, looks very composedly at

thee; thou startest, bendest thy bow, thy crossbow, intending to hit Reynard with the bolt just about the jaw;

but the bow breaks, Reynard barks and disappears into his cave, which by thine own account reaches hell

and then thou ravest at the misfortune of thy bow, and the nonappearance of Morfydd, and abusest Reynard.

Go to, thou carest neither for thy bow nor for Morfydd, thou merely seekest an opportunity to speak of

Reynard; and who has described him like thee? the brute with the sharp shrill cry, the black reverse of

melody, whose face sometimes wears a smile like the devil's in the Evangile. But now thou art actually with

Morfydd; yes, she has stolen from the dwelling of the Bwa Bach and has met thee beneath those rocks she

is actually with thee, Ab Gwilym; but she is not long with thee, for a storm comes on, and thunder shatters

the rocks Morfydd flees! Quite right, Ab Gwilym; thou hadst no need of her, a better theme for song is the

voice of the Lord the rockshatterer than the frail wife of the Bwa Bach. Go to, Ab Gwilym, thou wast a

But enough of thee and thy songs! Those times passed rapidly; with Ab Gwilym in my hand, I was in the

midst of enchanted ground, in which I experienced sensations akin to those I had felt of yore whilst spelling

my way through the wonderful book the delight of my childhood. I say akin, for perhaps only once in our

lives do we experience unmixed wonder and delight; and these I had already known.

Silver gray Good word for everybody A remarkable youth Clients Grades in society The

'I AM afraid that I have not acted very wisely in putting this boy of ours to the law,' said my father to my

mother, as they sat together one summer evening in their little garden, beneath the shade of some tall poplars.

Yes, there sat my father in the garden chair which leaned against the wall of his quiet home, the haven in

which he had sought rest, and, praise be to God, found it, after many a year of poorly requited toil; there he

sat, with locks of silver gray which set off so nobly his fine bold but benevolent face, his faithful consort at

his side, and his trusty dog at his feet an eccentric animal of the genuine regimental breed, who, born

amongst red coats, had not yet become reconciled to those of any other hue, barking and tearing at them when

they drew near the door, but testifying his fond reminiscence of the former by hospitable waggings of the tail

'I am afraid I have not done right in putting him to the law,' said my father, resting his chin upon his

'I have been taking my usual evening walk up the road, with the animal here,' said my father; 'and, as I

walked along, I overtook the boy's master, Mr. S. We shook hands, and, after walking a little way farther,

we turned back together, talking about this and that; the state of the country, the weather, and the dog, which

he greatly admired; for he is a goodnatured man, and has a good word for everybody, though the dog all but

bit him when he attempted to coax his head; after the dog, we began talking about the boy; it was myself who

introduced that subject: I thought it was a good opportunity to learn how he was getting on, so I asked what

he thought of my son; he hesitated at first, seeming scarcely to know what to say; at length he came out with

"Oh, a very extraordinary youth, a most remarkable youth indeed, captain!" "Indeed," said I, "I am glad to

hear it, but I hope you find him steady?" "Steady, steady," said he, "why, yes, he's steady, I cannot say that he

is not steady." "Come, come," said I, beginning to be rather uneasy, "I see plainly that you are not altogether

satisfied with him; I was afraid you would not be, for, though he is my own son, I am anything but blind to

his imperfections; but do tell me what particular fault you have to find with him; and I will do my best to

make him alter his conduct." "No fault to find with him, captain, I assure you, no fault whatever; the youth is

a remarkable youth, an extraordinary youth, only " As I told you before, Mr. S is the bestnatured man in

the world, and it was only with the greatest difficulty that I could get him to say a single word to the

disadvantage of the boy, for whom he seems to entertain a very great regard. At last I forced the truth from

him, and grieved I was to hear it; though I must confess that I was somewhat prepared for it. It appears that

'You can understand nothing that would seem for a moment to impugn the conduct of that child. I am not,

however, so blind; want of discrimination was the word, and it both sounds well, and is expressive. It appears

that, since he has been placed where is, he has been guilty of the grossest blunders; only the other day, Mr.

S told me, as he was engaged in close conversation with one of his principal clients, the boy came to tell

him that a person wanted particularly to speak with him; and, on going out, he found a lamentable figure with

one eye, who came to ask for charity; whom, nevertheless, the lad had ushered into a private room, and

installed in an armchair, like a justice of the peace, instead of telling him to go about his business now

'I don't know what worse we could reproach him with,' said my father; 'I mean of course as far as his

profession is concerned; discrimination is the very keystone; if he treated all people alike, he would soon

become a beggar himself; there are grades in society as well as in the army; and according to those grades we

should fashion our behaviour, else there would instantly be an end of all order and discipline. I am afraid that

the child is too condescending to his inferiors, whilst to his superiors he is apt to be unbending enough; I

don't believe that would do in the world; I am sure it would not in the army. He told me another anecdote

with respect to his behaviour, which shocked me more than the other had done. It appears that his wife, who

by the bye, is a very fine woman, and highly fashionable, gave him permission to ask the boy to tea one

evening, for she is herself rather partial to the lad; there had been a great dinner party there that day, and there

were a great many fashionable people, so the boy went and behaved very well and modestly for some time,

and was rather noticed, till, unluckily, a very great gentleman, an archdeacon I think, put some questions to

him, and, finding that he understood the languages, began talking to him about the classics. What do you

think? the boy had the impertinence to say that the classics were much overvalued, and amongst other things

that some horrid fellow or other, some Welshman I think (thank God it was not an Irishman), was a better

poet than Ovid; the company were of course horrified; the archdeacon, who is seventy years of age, and has

seven thousand a year, took snuff and turned away. Mrs. S turned up her eyes, Mr. S, however, told me

with his usual goodnature (I suppose to spare my feelings) that he rather enjoyed the thing, and thought it a

'I do not,' said my father; 'that a boy of his years should entertain an opinion of his own I mean one which

militates against all established authority is astounding; as well might a raw recruit pretend to offer an

unfavourable opinion on the manual and platoon exercise; the idea is preposterous; the lad is too independent

by half. I never yet knew one of an independent spirit get on in the army, the secret of success in the army is

'Which is a poor spirit after all,' said my mother; 'but the child is not in the army.'

'And it is well for him that he is not,' said my father; 'but you do not talk wisely, the world is a field of battle,

and he who leaves the ranks, what can he expect but to be cut down? I call his present behaviour leaving the

ranks, and going vapouring about without orders; his only chance lies in falling in again as quick as possible;

does he think he can carry the day by himself? an opinion of his own at these years I confess I am

'You make me uneasy too,' said my mother; 'but I really think you are too hard upon the child; he is not a bad

child, after all, though not, perhaps, all you could wish him; he is always ready to read the Bible. Let us go in;

he is in the room above us; at least he was two hours ago, I left him there bending over his books; I wonder

what he has been doing all this time, it is now getting late; let us go in, and he shall read to us.'

'I am getting old,' said my father; 'and I love to hear the Bible read to me, for my own sight is something dim;

yet I do not wish the child to read to me this night, I cannot so soon forget what I have heard; but I hear my

eldest son's voice, he is now entering the gate; he shall read the Bible to us this night. What say you?'

The eldest son Saying of wild Finland The critical time Vaunting polls One thing wanted A father's

blessing Miracle of art The Pope's house Young enthusiast Pictures of England Persist and wrestle

THE eldest son! The regard and affection which my father entertained for his firstborn were natural enough,

and appeared to none more so than myself, who cherished the same feelings towards him. What he was as a

boy the reader already knows, for the reader has seen him as a boy; fain would I describe him at the time of

which I am now speaking, when he had attained the verge of manhood, but the pen fails me, and I attempt not

the task; and yet it ought to be an easy one, for how frequently does his form visit my mind's eye in slumber

and in wakefulness, in the light of day and in the night watches; but last night I saw him in his beauty and his

strength; he was about to speak, and my ear was on the stretch, when at once I awoke, and there was I alone,

and the night storm was howling amidst the branches of the pines which surround my lonely dwelling: 'Listen

to the moaning of the pine, at whose root thy hut is fastened,' a saying that, of wild Finland, in which there

is wisdom; I listened and thought of life and death. . . . Of all human beings that I have ever known, that elder

brother was the most frank and generous, ay, and the quickest and readiest, and the best adapted to do a great

thing needful at the critical time, when the delay of a moment would be fatal. I have known him dash from a

steep bank into a stream in his full dress, and pull out a man who was drowning; yet there were twenty others

bathing in the water, who might have saved him by putting out a hand, without inconvenience to themselves,

which, however, they did not do, but stared with stupid surprise at the drowning one's struggles. Yes, whilst

some shouted from the bank to those in the water to save the drowning one, and those in the water did

nothing, my brother neither shouted nor stood still, but dashed from the bank and did the one thing needful,

which, under such circumstances, not one man in a million would have done. Now, who can wonder that a

'My boy, my own boy, you are the very image of myself, the day I took off my coat in the park to fight Big

Ben,' said my father, on meeting his son wet and dripping, immediately after his bold feat. And who cannot

Ay, old man, that son was worthy of thee, and thou wast worthy of such a son; a noble specimen wast thou of

those strong single minded Englishmen, who, without making a parade either of religion or loyalty, feared

God and honoured their king, and were not particularly friendly to the French, whose vaunting polls they

occasionally broke, as at Minden and at Malplaquet, to the confusion vast of the eternal foes of the English

land. I, who was so little like thee that thou understoodst me not, and in whom with justice thou didst feel so

little pride, had yet perception enough to see all thy worth, and to feel it an honour to be able to call myself

thy son; and if at some no distant time, when the foreign enemy ventures to insult our shore, I be permitted to

break some vaunting poll, it will be a triumph to me to think that, if thou hadst lived, thou wouldst have

hailed the deed, and mightest yet discover some distant resemblance to thyself, the day when thou didst all

I have already spoken of my brother's taste for painting, and the progress he had made in that beautiful art. It

is probable that, if circumstances had not eventually diverted his mind from the pursuit, he would have

attained excellence, and left behind him some enduring monument of his powers, for he had an imagination

to conceive, and that yet rarer endowment, a hand capable of giving life, body, and reality to the conceptions

of his mind; perhaps he wanted one thing, the want of which is but too often fatal to the sons of genius, and

without which genius is little more than a splendid toy in the hands of the possessor perseverance, dogged

perseverance, in his proper calling; otherwise, though the grave had closed over him, he might still be living

in the admiration of his fellowcreatures. O ye gifted ones, follow your calling, for, however various your

talents may be, ye can have but one calling capable of leading ye to eminence and renown; follow resolutely

the one straight path before you, it is that of your good angel, let neither obstacles nor temptations induce ye

to leave it; bound along if you can; if not, on hands and knees follow it, perish in it, if needful; but ye need

not fear that; no one ever yet died in the true path of his calling before he had attained the pinnacle. Turn into

other paths, and for a momentary advantage or gratification ye have sold your inheritance, your immortality.

'My father has given me a hundred and fifty pounds,' said my brother to me one morning, 'and something

'Pooh,' said my brother, 'what should you do there? But don't be discouraged, I daresay a time will come

'Oh, I go to improve myself in art, to place myself under some master of high name, at least I hope to do so

eventually. I have, however, a plan in my head, which I should wish first to execute; indeed, I do not think I

can rest till I have done so; every one talks so much about Italy, and the wondrous artists which it has

produced, and the wondrous pictures which are to be found there; now I wish to see Italy, or rather Rome, the

great city, for I am told that in a certain room there is contained the grand miracle of art.'

'The Transfiguration, painted by one Rafael, and it is said to be the greatest work of the greatest painter

whom the world has ever known. I suppose it is because everybody says so, that I have such a strange desire

to see it. I have already made myself well acquainted with its locality, and think that I could almost find my

way to it blindfold. When I have crossed the Tiber, which, as you are aware, runs through Rome, I must

presently turn to the right, up a rather shabby street, which communicates with a large square, the farther end

of which is entirely occupied by the front of an immense church, with a dome which ascends almost to the

'Before the church, in the square, are two fountains, one on either side, casting up water in showers; between

them, in the midst, is an obelisk, brought from Egypt, and covered with mysterious writing; on your right

rises an edifice, not beautiful nor grand, but huge and bulky, where lives a strange kind of priest whom men

call the Pope, a very horrible old individual, who would fain keep Christ in leading strings, calls the Virgin

'Well, I do not go straight forward up the flight of steps conducting into the church, but I turn to the right,

and, passing under the piazza, find myself in a court of the huge bulky house; and then ascend various

staircases, and pass along various corridors and galleries, all of which I could describe to you, though I have

never seen them; at last a door is unlocked, and we enter a room rather high, but not particularly large,

communicating with another room, into which, however, I do not go, though there are noble things in that

second room immortal things, by immortal artists; amongst others, a grand piece of Correggio; I do not

enter it, for the grand picture of the world is not there; but I stand still immediately on entering the first room,

and I look straight before me, neither to the right nor left, though there are noble things both on the right and

left, for immediately before me at the farther end, hanging against the wall, is a picture which arrests me, and

I can see nothing else, for that picture at the farther end hanging against the wall is the picture of the world. . .

Yes, go thy way, young enthusiast, and, whether to London town or to old Rome, may success attend thee;

yet strange fears assail me and misgivings on thy account. Thou canst not rest, thou say'st, till thou hast seen

the picture in the chamber at old Rome hanging over against the wall; ay, and thus thou dust exemplify thy

weakness thy strength too, it may be for the one idea, fantastic yet lovely, which now possesses thee,

could only have originated in a genial and fervent brain. Well, go, if thou must go; yet it perhaps were better

for thee to bide in thy native land, and there, with fear and trembling, with groanings, with straining eyeballs,

toil, drudge, slave, till thou hast made excellence thine own; thou wilt scarcely acquire it by staring at the

picture over against the door in the high chamber of old Rome. Seekest thou inspiration? thou needest it not,

thou hast it already; and it was never yet found by crossing the sea. What hast thou to do with old Rome, and

thou an Englishman? 'Did thy blood never glow at the mention of thy native land?' as an artist merely? Yes, I

trow, and with reason, for thy native land need not grudge old Rome her 'pictures of the world'; she has

pictures of her own, 'pictures of England'; and is it a new thing to toss up caps and shout England against

the world? Yes, against the world in all, in all; in science and in arms, in minstrel strain, and not less in the art

'which enables the hand to deceive the intoxicated soul by means of pictures.' Seek'st models? to

Gainsborough and Hogarth turn, not names of the world, maybe, but English names and England against

the world! A living master? why, there he comes! thou hast had him long, he has long guided thy young hand

towards the excellence which is yet far from thee, but which thou canst attain if thou shouldst persist and

wrestle, even as he has done, 'midst gloom and despondency ay, and even contempt; he who now comes up

the creaking stair to thy little studio in the second floor to inspect thy last effort before thou departest, the

little stout man whose face is very dark, and whose eye is vivacious; that man has attained excellence,

destined some day to be acknowledged, though not till he is cold, and his mortal part returned to its kindred

clay. He has painted, not pictures of the world, but English pictures, such as Gainsborough himself might

have done; beautiful rural pieces, with trees which might well tempt the wild birds to perch upon them, thou

needest not run to Rome, brother, where lives the old Mariolater, after pictures of the world, whilst at home

there are pictures of England; nor needest thou even go to London, the big city, in search of a master, for thou

hast one at home in the old East Anglian town who can instruct thee whilst thou needest instruction: better

stay at home, brother, at least for a season, and toil and strive 'midst groanings and despondency till thou hast

attained excellence even as he has done the little dark man with the brown coat and the topboots, whose

name will one day be considered the chief ornament of the old town, and whose works will at no distant

period rank amongst the proudest pictures of England and England against the world! thy master, my

Desire for novelty Lives of the lawless Countenances Old yeoman and dame We live near the sea

Uncouthlooking volume The other condition Draoitheac A dilemma The Antinomian Lodowick

BUT to proceed with my own story: I now ceased all at once to take much pleasure in the pursuits which

formerly interested me, I yawned over Ab Gwilym, even as I now in my mind's eye perceive the reader

yawning over the present pages. What was the cause of this? Constitutional lassitude, or a desire for novelty?

Both it is probable had some influence in the matter, but I rather think that the latter feeling was predominant.

The parting words of my brother had sunk into my mind. He had talked of travelling in strange regions and

seeing strange and wonderful objects, and my imagination fell to work, and drew pictures of adventures wild

and fantastic, and I thought what a fine thing it must be to travel, and I wished that my father would give me

his blessing, and the same sum that he had given my brother, and bid me go forth into the world; always

forgetting that I had neither talents nor energies at this period which would enable me to make any successful

And then I again sought up the book which had so captivated me in my infancy, and I read it through; and I

sought up others of a similar character, and in seeking for them I met books also of adventure, but by no

means of a harmless description, lives of wicked and lawless men, Murray and Latroon books of singular

power, but of coarse and prurient imagination books at one time highly in vogue; now deservedly forgotten,

And when I had gone through these books, what was my state of mind? I had derived entertainment from

their perusal, but they left me more listless and unsettled than before, and really knew not what to do to pass

my time. My philological studies had become distasteful, and I had never taken any pleasure in the duties of

my profession. I sat behind my desk in a state of torpor, my mind almost as blank as the paper before me, on

which I rarely traced a line. It was always a relief to hear the bell ring, as it afforded me an opportunity of

doing something which I was yet capable of doing, to rise and open the door and stare in the countenances of

the visitors. All of a sudden I fell to studying countenances, and soon flattered myself that I had made

'There is no faith in countenances,' said some Roman of old; 'trust anything but a person's countenance.' 'Not

trust a man's countenance?' say some moderns, 'why, it is the only thing in many people that we can trust; on

which account they keep it most assiduously out of the way. Trust not a man's words if you please, or you

may come to very erroneous conclusions; but at all times place implicit confidence in a man's countenance, in

which there is no deceit; and of necessity there can be none. If people would but look each other more in the

face, we should have less cause to complain of the deception of the world; nothing so easy as physiognomy

nor so useful.' Somewhat in this latter strain I thought at the time of which I am speaking. I am now older,

and, let us hope, less presumptuous. It is true that in the course of my life I have scarcely ever had occasion to

repent placing confidence in individuals whose countenances have prepossessed me in their favour; though to

how many I may have been unjust, from whose countenances I may have drawn unfavourable conclusions, is

But it had been decreed by that Fate which governs our every action that I was soon to return to my old

pursuits. It was written that I should not yet cease to be Lavengro, though I had become, in my own opinion,

a kind of Lavater. It is singular enough that my renewed ardour for philology seems to have been brought

about indirectly by my physiognomical researches, in which had I not indulged, the event which I am about

to relate, as far as connected with myself, might never have occurred. Amongst the various countenances

which I admitted during the period of my answering the bell, there were two which particularly pleased me,

and which belonged to an elderly yeoman and his wife, whom some little business had brought to our law

sanctuary. I believe they experienced from me some kindness and attention, which won the old people's

hearts. So, one day, when their little business had been brought to a conclusion, and they chanced to be alone

with me, who was seated as usual behind the deal desk in the outer room, the old man with some confusion

began to tell me how grateful himself and dame felt for the many attentions I had shown them, and how

desirous they were to make me some remuneration. 'Of course,' said the old man, 'we must be cautious what

we offer to so fine a young gentleman as yourself; we have, however, something we think will just suit the

occasion, a strange kind of thing which people say is a book, though no one that my dame or myself have

shown it to can make anything out of it; so as we are told that you are a fine young gentleman, who can read

all the tongues of the earth and stars, as the Bible says, we thought, I and my dame, that it would be just the

'We live near the sea,' said the old man; 'so near that sometimes our thatch is wet with the spray; and it may

now be a year ago that there was a fearful storm, and a ship was driven ashore during the night, and ere the

morn was a complete wreck. When we got up at daylight, there were the poor shivering crew at our door;

they were foreigners, redhaired men, whose speech we did not understand; but we took them in, and

warmed them, and they remained with us three days; and when they went away they left behind them this

Danes! thought I, Danes! and instantaneously, huge and grisly, appeared to rise up before my vision the skull

of the old pirate Dane, even as I had seen it of yore in the penthouse of the ancient church to which, with my

And now the old man handed me the book; a strange and uncouth looking volume enough. It was not very

large, but instead of the usual covering was bound in wood, and was compressed with strong iron clasps. It

was a printed book, but the pages were not of paper, but vellum, and the characters were black, and

'It is certainly a curious book,' said I; 'and I should like to have it, but I can't think of taking it as a gift, I must

The old man whispered with his dame and chuckled, and then turned his face to me, and said, with another

chuckle, 'Well, we have agreed about the price, but, maybe, you will not consent.'

'Why, that you shake me by the hand, and hold out your cheek to my old dame, she has taken an affection to

'I shall be very glad to shake you by the hand,' said I, 'but as for the other condition, it requires consideration.'

'No consideration at all,' said the old man, with something like a sigh; 'she thinks you like her son, our only

'Oh, that alters the case altogether,' said I, 'and of course I can have no objection.'

And now at once I shook off my listlessness, to enable me to do which nothing could have happened more

opportune than the above event. The Danes, the Danes! And was I at last to become acquainted, and in so

singular a manner, with the speech of a people which had as far back as I could remember exercised the

strongest influence over my imagination, as how should they not! in infancy there was the summereve

adventure, to which I often looked back, and always with a kind of strange interest with respect to those to

whom such gigantic and wondrous bones could belong as I had seen on that occasion; and, more than this, I

had been in Ireland, and there, under peculiar circumstances, this same interest was increased tenfold. I had

mingled much whilst there with the genuine Irish a wild but kindhearted race, whose conversation was

deeply imbued with traditionary lore, connected with the early history of their own romantic land, and from

them I heard enough of the Danes, but nothing commonplace, for they never mentioned them but in terms

which tallied well with my own preconceived ideas. For at an early period the Danes had invaded Ireland,

and had subdued it, and, though eventually driven out, had left behind them an enduring remembrance in the

minds of the people, who loved to speak of their strength and their stature, in evidence of which they would

point to the ancient raths or mounds where the old Danes were buried, and where bones of extraordinary size

were occasionally exhumed. And as the Danes surpassed other people in strength, so, according to my

narrators, they also excelled all others in wisdom, or rather in Draoitheac, or magic, for they were powerful

sorcerers, they said, compared with whom the fairy men of the present day knew nothing at all, at all; and,

amongst other wonderful things, they knew how to make strong beer from the heather that grows upon the

bogs. Little wonder if the interest, the mysterious interest, which I had early felt about the Danes, was

And now I had in my possession a Danish book, which, from its appearance, might be supposed to have

belonged to the very old Danes indeed; but how was I to turn it to any account? I had the book, it is true, but I

did not understand the language, and how was I to overcome that difficulty? hardly by poring over the book;

yet I did pore over the book, daily and nightly, till my eyes were dim, and it appeared to me that every now

and then I encountered words which I understood English words, though strangely disguised; and I said to

myself, Courage! English and Danish are cognate dialects, a time will come when I shall understand this

Danish; and then I pored over the book again, but with all my poring I could not understand it; and then I

became angry, and I bit my lips till the blood came; and I occasionally tore a handful from my hair, and flung

it upon the floor, but that did not mend the matter, for still I did not understand the book, which, however, I

began to see was written in rhyme a circumstance rather difficult to discover at first, the arrangement of the

lines not differing from that which is employed in prose; and its being written in rhyme made me only the

But I toiled in vain, for I had neither grammar nor dictionary of the language; and when I sought for them

could procure neither; and I was much dispirited, till suddenly a bright thought came into my head, and I said,

although I cannot obtain a dictionary or grammar, I can perhaps obtain a Bible in this language, and if I can

procure a Bible, I can learn the language, for the Bible in every tongue contains the same thing, and I have

only to compare the words of the Danish Bible with those of the English, and, if I persevere, I shall in time

acquire the language of the Danes; and I was pleased with the thought, which I considered to be a bright one,

and I no longer bit my lips, or tore my hair, but I took my hat, and, going forth, I flung my hat into the air.

And when my hat came down, I put it on my head and commenced running, directing my course to the house

of the Antinomian preacher, who sold books, and whom I knew to have Bibles in various tongues amongst

the number, and I arrived out of breath, and I found the Antinomian in his little library, dusting his books;

and the Antinomian clergyman was a tall man of about seventy, who wore a hat with a broad brim and a

shallow crown, and whose manner of speaking was exceedingly nasal; and when I saw him, I cried, out of

breath, 'Have you a Danish Bible?' and he replied, 'What do you want it for, friend?' and I answered, 'To learn

Danish by'; 'And maybe to learn thy duty,' replied the Antinomian preacher. 'Truly, I have it not, but, as you

are a customer of mine, I will endeavour to procure you one, and I will write to that laudable society which

men call the Bible Society, an unworthy member of which I am, and I hope by next week to procure what you

And when I heard these words of the old man, I was very glad, and my heart yearned towards him, and I

would fain enter into conversation with him; and I said, 'Why are you an Antinomian? For my part I would

rather be a dog than belong to such a religion.' 'Nay, friend,' said the Antinomian, 'thou forejudgest us; know

that those who call us Antinomians call us so despitefully, we do not acknowledge the designation.' 'Then you

do not set all law at nought?' said I. 'Far be it from us,' said the old man, 'we only hope that, being sanctified

by the Spirit from above, we have no need of the law to keep us in order. Did you ever hear tell of Lodowick

Muggleton?' 'Not I.' 'That is strange; know then that he was the founder of our poor society, and after him we

are frequently, though opprobriously, termed Muggletonians, for we are Christians. Here is his book, which,

perhaps, you can do no better than purchase, you are fond of rare books, and this is both curious and rare; I

will sell it cheap. Thank you, and now be gone, I will do all I can to procure the Bible.'

And in this manner I procured the Danish Bible, and I commenced my task; first of all, however, I locked up

in a closet the volume which had excited my curiosity, saying, 'Out of this closet thou comest not till I deem

myself competent to read thee,' and then I sat down in right earnest, comparing every line in the one version

with the corresponding one in the other; and I passed entire nights in this manner, till I was almost blind, and

the task was tedious enough at first, but I quailed not, and soon began to make progress: and at first I had a

misgiving that the old book might not prove a Danish book, but was soon reassured by reading many words

in the Bible which I remembered to have seen in the book; and then I went on right merrily, and I found that

the language which I was studying was by no means a difficult one, and in less than a month I deemed myself

Anon, I took the book from the closet, and proceeded to make myself master of its contents; I had some

difficulty, for the language of the book, though in the main the same as the language of the Bible, differed

from it in some points, being apparently a more ancient dialect; by degrees, however, I overcame this

difficulty, and I understood the contents of the book, and well did they correspond with all those ideas in

which I had indulged connected with the Danes. For the book was a book of ballads, about the deeds of

knights and champions, and men of huge stature; ballads which from time immemorial had been sung in the

North, and which some two centuries before the time of which I am speaking had been collected by one

Anders Vedel, who lived with a certain Tycho Brahe, and assisted him in making observations upon the

heavenly bodies, at a place called Uranias Castle, on the little island of Hveen, in the Cattegat.

The two individuals The long pipe The Germans Werther The female Quaker Suicide Gibbon

Jesus of Bethlehem Fill your glass Shakespeare English at Minden Melancholy Swayne Vonved

IT might be some six months after the events last recorded, that two individuals were seated together in a

certain room, in a certain street of the old town which I have so frequently had occasion to mention in the

preceding pages; one of them was an elderly, and the other a very young man, and they sat on either side of a

fireplace, beside a table on which were fruit and wine; the room was a small one, and in its furniture

exhibited nothing remarkable. Over the mantelpiece, however, hung a small picture with naked figures in the

foreground, and with much foliage behind. It might not have struck every beholder, for it looked old and

smokedried; but a connoisseur, on inspecting it closely, would have pronounced it to be a judgment of Paris,

The forehead of the elder individual was high, and perhaps appeared more so than it really was, from the hair

being carefully brushed back, as if for the purpose of displaying to the best advantage that part of the

cranium; his eyes were large and full, and of a light brown, and might have been called heavy and dull, had

they not been occasionally lighted up by a sudden gleam not so brilliant however as that which at every

inhalation shone from the bowl of the long clay pipe which he was smoking, but which, from a certain

sucking sound which about this time began to be heard from the bottom, appeared to be giving notice that it

would soon require replenishment from a certain canister, which, together with a lighted taper, stood upon the

'You do not smoke?' said he, at length, laying down his pipe, and directing his glance to his companion.

Now there was at least one thing singular connected with this last, namely, the colour of his hair, which,

notwithstanding his extreme youth, appeared to be rapidly becoming gray. He had very long limbs, and was

apparently tall of stature, in which he differed from his elderly companion, who must have been somewhat

'No, I can't smoke,' said the youth, in reply to the observation of the other; 'I have often tried, but could never

'Is it possible to become a good German without smoking?' said the senior, half speaking to himself.

'As for breaking your heart, of course you would never think of such a thing; he is a fool who breaks his heart

on any account; but it is good to be a German, the Germans are the most philosophic people in the world, and

'Why, no; but smoking has a sedative effect upon the nerves, and enables a man to bear the sorrows of this

life (of which every one has his share) not only decently, but dignifiedly. Suicide is not a national habit in

'Werther is a fictitious character, and by no means a felicitous one; I am no admirer either of Werther or his

author. But I should say that, if there ever was a Werther in Germany, he did not smoke. Werther, as you very

'And a very sinful one; I have heard my parents say that suicide is a great crime.'

'Broadly, and without qualification, to say that suicide is a crime, is speaking somewhat unphilosophically.

No doubt suicide, under many circumstances, is a crime, a very heinous one. When the father of a family, for

example, to escape from certain difficulties, commits suicide, he commits a crime; there are those around him

who look to him for support, by the law of nature, and he has no right to withdraw himself from those who

have a claim upon his exertions; he is a person who decamps with other people's goods as well as his own.

Indeed, there can be no crime which is not founded upon the depriving others of something which belongs to

them. A man is hanged for setting fire to his house in a crowded city, for he burns at the same time or

damages those of other people; but if a man who has a house on a heath sets fire to it, he is not hanged, for he

has not damaged or endangered any other individual's property, and the principle of revenge, upon which all

punishment is founded, has not been aroused. Similar to such a case is that of the man who, without any

family ties, commits suicide; for example, were I to do the thing this evening, who would have a right to call

me to account? I am alone in the world, have no family to support, and, so far from damaging any one, should

even benefit my heir by my accelerated death. However, I am no advocate for suicide under any

circumstances; there is something undignified in it, unheroic, unGermanic. But if you must commit suicide

and there is no knowing to what people may be brought always contrive to do it as decorously as

possible; the decencies, whether of life or of death, should never be lost sight of. I remember a female Quaker

who committed suicide by cutting her throat, but she did it decorously and decently: kneeling down over a

pail, so that not one drop fell upon the floor; thus exhibiting in her last act that nice sense of neatness for

which Quakers are distinguished. I have always had a respect for that woman's memory.'

And here, filling his pipe from the canister, and lighting it at the taper, he recommenced smoking calmly and

'Why, no; but what though it were! the Bible is a respectable book, but I should hardly call it one whose

philosophy is of the soundest. I have said that it is a respectable book; I mean respectable from its antiquity,

and from containing, as Herder says, "the earliest records of the human race," though those records are far

from being dispassionately written, on which account they are of less value than they otherwise might have

been. There is too much passion in the Bible, too much violence; now, to come to all truth, especially historic

truth, requires cool dispassionate investigation, for which the Jews do not appear to have ever been famous.

We are ourselves not famous for it, for we are a passionate people; the Germans are not they are not a

passionate people a people celebrated for their oaths; we are. The Germans have many excellent historic

writers, we . . . 'tis true we have Gibbon . . . You have been reading Gibbon what do you think of him?'

'He is a wonderful writer one SUI GENERIS uniting the perspicuity of the English for we are

perspicuous with the cool dispassionate reasoning of the Germans. Gibbon sought after the truth, found it,

'Why, yes; who shall convict Gibbon of falsehood? Many people have endeavoured to convict Gibbon of

falsehood; they have followed him in his researches, and have never found him once tripping. Oh, he is a

wonderful writer! his power of condensation is admirable; the lore of the whole world is to be found in his

pages. Sometimes in a single note he has given us the result of the study of years; or, to speak metaphorically,

"he has ransacked a thousand Gulistans, and has condensed all his fragrant booty into a single drop of otto."'

'Why, no; he was rather an enemy to priestcraft, so am I; and when I say the philosophy of the Bible is in

many respects unsound, I always wish to make an exception in favour of that part of it which contains the life

and sayings of Jesus of Bethlehem, to which I must always concede my unqualified admiration of Jesus,

mind you; for with his followers and their dogmas I have nothing to do. Of all historic characters Jesus is the

most beautiful and the most heroic. I have always been a friend to heroworship, it is the only rational one,

and has always been in use amongst civilised people the worship of spirits is synonymous with barbarism

it is mere fetish; the savages of West Africa are all spirit worshippers. But there is something philosophic in

the worship of the heroes of the human race, and the true hero is the benefactor. Brahma, Jupiter, Bacchus,

were all benefactors, and, therefore, entitled to the worship of their respective peoples. The Celts worshipped

Hesus, who taught them to plough, a highly useful art. We, who have attained a much higher state of

civilisation than the Celts ever did, worship Jesus, the first who endeavoured to teach men to behave decently

and decorously under all circumstances; who was the foe of vengeance, in which there is something highly

indecorous; who had first the courage to lift his voice against that violent dogma, "an eye for an eye"; who

shouted conquer, but conquer with kindness; who said put up the sword, a violent unphilosophic weapon; and

who finally died calmly and decorously in defence of his philosophy. He must be a savage who denies

The elderly individual made no immediate answer; but, after a few more whiffs from his pipe, exclaimed,

'It is nearly finished; but I do not think I shall proceed with it; I begin to think the original somewhat dull.'

'There you are wrong; it is the masterpiece of Schiller, the first of German poets.'

'It may be so,' said the youth. 'But, pray excuse me, I do not think very highly of German poetry. I have lately

been reading Shakespeare; and, when I turn from him to the Germans even the best of them they appear

'I like that every one should have an opinion of his own,' said the elderly individual; 'and, what is more,

declare it. Nothing displeases me more than to see people assenting to everything that they hear said; I at

once come to the conclusion that they are either hypocrites, or there is nothing in them. But, with respect to

Shakespeare, whom I have not read for thirty years, is he not rather given to bombast, "crackling bombast,"

'I daresay he is,' said the youth; 'but I can't help thinking him the greatest of all poets, not even excepting

Homer. I would sooner have written that series of plays, founded on the fortunes of the House of Lancaster,

than the ILIAD itself. The events described are as lofty as those sung by Homer in his great work, and the

characters brought upon the stage still more interesting. I think Hotspur as much of a hero as Hector, and

young Henry more of a man than Achilles; and then there is the fat knight, the quintessence of fun, wit, and

'I don't admire the Germans,' said the youth, somewhat excited. 'I don't admire them in any point of view. I

have heard my father say that, though good sharpshooters, they can't be much depended upon as soldiers; and

that old Sergeant Meredith told him that Minden would never have been won but for the two English

regiments, who charged the French with fixed bayonets, and sent them to the right about in doublequick

time. With respect to poetry, setting Shakespeare and the English altogether aside, I think there is another

Gothic nation, at least, entitled to dispute with them the palm. Indeed, to my mind, there is more genuine

poetry contained in the old Danish book which I came so strangely by, than has been produced in Germany

'Ah, the Koempe Viser?' said the elderly individual, breathing forth an immense volume of smoke, which he

had been collecting during the declamation of his young companion. 'There are singular things in that book, I

must confess; and I thank you for showing it to me, or rather your attempt at translation. I was struck with

that ballad of Orm Ungarswayne, who goes by night to the gravehill of his father to seek for counsel. And

then, again, that strange melancholy Swayne Vonved, who roams about the world propounding people

riddles; slaying those who cannot answer, and rewarding those who can with golden bracelets. Were it not for

the violence, I should say that ballad has a philosophic tendency. I thank you for making me acquainted with

'He WAS a strange customer,' said the elder individual, breathing forth a gentle cloud. 'I love to exercise

hospitality to wandering strangers, especially foreigners; and when he came to this place, pretending to teach

German and Hebrew, I asked him to dinner. After the first dinner, he asked me to lend him five pounds; I

DID lend him five pounds. After the fifth dinner, he asked me to lend him fifty pounds; I did NOT lend him

'He was as ignorant of German as of Hebrew,' said the youth; 'on which account he was soon glad, I suppose,

'He told me,' said the elder individual, 'that he intended to leave a town where he did not find sufficient

encouragement; and, at the same time, expressed regret at being obliged to abandon a certain extraordinary

pupil, for whom he had a particular regard. Now I, who have taught many people German from the love

which I bear to it, and the desire which I feel that it should be generally diffused, instantly said that I should

be happy to take his pupil off his hands, and afford him what instruction I could in German, for, as to

Hebrew, I have never taken much interest in it. Such was the origin of our acquaintance. You have been an

'You think, probably, that you have learned all I can teach you? Well, perhaps you are right.'

'Not so, not so,' said the young man eagerly; 'before I knew you I knew nothing, and am still very ignorant;

but of late my father's health has been very much broken, and he requires attention; his spirits also have

become low, which, to tell you the truth, he attributes to my misconduct. He says that I have imbibed all

kinds of strange notions and doctrines, which will, in all probability, prove my ruin, both here and hereafter;

'Ah! I understand,' said the elder, with another calm whiff. 'I have always had a kind of respect for your

father, for there is something remarkable in his appearance, something heroic, and I would fain have

cultivated his acquaintance; the feeling, however, has not been reciprocated. I met him, the other day, up the

'He has certain opinions of his own,' said the youth, 'which are widely different from those which he has

'I respect a man for entertaining an opinion of his own,' said the elderly individual. 'I hold certain opinions;

but I should not respect an individual the more for adopting them. All I wish for is tolerance, which I myself

endeavour to practise. I have always loved the truth, and sought it; if I have not found it, the greater my

'Why, no! And, between ourselves, it is that which induces me to doubt sometimes the truth of my opinions.

My life, upon the whole, I consider a failure; on which account, I would not counsel you, or any one, to

follow my example too closely. It is getting late, and you had better be going, especially as your father, you

say, is anxious about you. But, as we may never meet again, I think there are three things which I may safely

venture to press upon you. The first is, that the decencies and gentlenesses should never be lost sight of, as

the practice of the decencies and gentlenesses is at all times compatible with independence of thought and

action. The second thing which I would wish to impress upon you is, that there is always some eye upon us;

and that it is impossible to keep anything we do from the world, as it will assuredly be divulged by somebody

as soon as it is his interest to do so. The third thing which I would wish to press upon you '

'Is ' and here the elderly individual laid down his pipe upon the table 'that it will be as well to go on

The alehousekeeper Compassion for the rich Old English gentleman How is this? Madeira The

Greek Parr Twenty languages Whiter's health About the fight A sporting gentleman The flattened

Such were the words shouted out to me by a short thick fellow, in brown topboots, and bareheaded, who

stood, with his hands in his pockets, at the door of a country alehouse as I was passing by.

Now, as I knew nothing about the fight, and as the appearance of the man did not tempt me greatly to enter

into conversation with him, I merely answered in the negative, and continued my way.

It was a fine lovely morning in May, the sun shone bright above, and the birds were carolling in the

hedgerows. I was wont to be cheerful at such seasons, for, from my earliest recollection, sunshine and the

song of birds have been dear to me; yet, about that period, I was not cheerful, my mind was not at rest; I was

debating within myself, and the debate was dreary and unsatisfactory enough. I sighed, and turning my eyes

But suddenly, by a violent effort breaking away from my meditations, I hastened forward; one mile, two

miles, three miles were speedily left behind; and now I came to a grove of birch and other trees, and opening

a gate I passed up a kind of avenue, and soon arriving before a large brick house, of rather antique

In this house there lived a gentleman with whom I had business. He was said to be a genuine old English

gentleman, and a man of considerable property; at this time, however, he wanted a thousand pounds, as

gentlemen of considerable property every now and then do. I had brought him a thousand pounds in my

pocket, for it is astonishing how many eager helpers the rich find, and with what compassion people look

'His worship is at home, young man,' said the servant, as he looked at my shoes, which bore evidence that I

had come walking. 'I beg your pardon, sir,' he added, as he looked me in the face.

'Ay, ay, servants,' thought I, as I followed the man into the house, 'always look people in the face when you

open the door, and do so before you look at their shoes, or you may mistake the heir of a Prime Minister for a

I found his worship a jolly, redfaced gentleman, of about fifty five; he was dressed in a green coat, white

corduroy breeches, and drab gaiters, and sat on an oldfashioned leather sofa, with two small, thoroughbred,

black English terriers, one on each side of him. He had all the appearance of a genuine old English gentleman

'Sir,' said I, 'I have brought you a thousand pounds'; and I said this after the servant had retired, and the two

terriers had ceased the barking which is natural to all such dogs at the sight of a stranger.

And when the magistrate had received the money, and signed and returned a certain paper which I handed to

'And now, young gentleman, that our business is over, perhaps you can tell me where the fight is to take

'I am sorry, sir,' said I, 'that I can't inform you, but everybody seems to be anxious about it'; and then I told

'I know him,' said his worship; 'he's a tenant of mine, and a good fellow, somewhat too much in my debt

though. But how is this, young gentleman, you look as if you had been walking; you did not come on foot?'

'I have frequently to make journeys connected with my profession; sometimes I walk, sometimes I ride, just

The magistrate gave a violent slap on his knee; 'I like your taste,' said he, 'I am fond of a glass of Madeira

myself, and can give you such a one as you will not drink every day; sit down, young gentleman, you shall

Thereupon he got up, and, followed by his two terriers, walked slowly out of the room.

I looked round the room, and, seeing nothing which promised me much amusement, I sat down, and fell

'Here it is,' said the magistrate, returning at the end of a quarter of an hour, followed by the servant with a

tray; 'here's the true thing, or I am no judge, far less a justice. It has been thirty years in my cellar last

Christmas. There,' said he to the servant, 'put it down, and leave my young friend and me to ourselves. Now,

'Yes, old Parr, but not that Parr; you mean the English, I the Greek Parr, as people call him.'

'Perhaps not rather too young for that, but were you of my age, you might have cause to know him, coming

from where you do. He kept school there, I was his first scholar; he flogged Greek into me till I loved him

and he loved me: he came to see me last year, and sat in that chair; I honour Parr he knows much, and is a

'Know the truth! he knows what's good, from an oyster to an ostrich he's not only sound, but round.'

'Don't you know Whiter? I thought everybody knew Reverend Whiter the philologist, though I suppose you

scarcely know what that means. A man fond of tongues and languages, quite out of your way he

'Why, as to that, I scarcely know what to say: he has got queer notions in his head wrote a book to prove

that all words came originally from the earth who knows? Words have roots, and roots live in the earth; but,

upon the whole, I should not call him altogether a sound man, though he can talk Greek nearly as fast as Parr.'

'Ay, boy, rounder than Parr; I'll sing you a song, if you like, which will let you into his character:

'Give me the haunch of a buck to eat, and to drink Madeira old, And a gentle wife to rest with, and in my

arms to fold, An Arabic book to study, a Norfolk cob to ride, And a house to live in shaded with trees, and

near to a river side; With such good things around me, and blessed with good health withal, Though I should

'No, sir; the truth is, that of late I have been very much occupied with various matters, otherwise I should,

'I tell you what, my boy; I honour you, and provided your education had been a little less limited, I should

have been glad to see you here in company with Parr and Whiter; both can box. Boxing is, as you say, a noble

art a truly English art; may I never see the day when Englishmen shall feel ashamed of it, or blacklegs and

blackguards bring it into disgrace. I am a magistrate, and, of course, cannot patronise the thing very openly,

'No; why do you ask?' But here we heard a noise, like that of a gig driving up to the door, which was

immediately succeeded by a violent knocking and ringing, and after a little time the servant who had admitted

me made his appearance in the room. 'Sir,' said he, with a certain eagerness of manner, 'here are two

'I don't know, sir,' said the servant; 'but they look like sporting gentlemen, and and' here he hesitated;

'from a word or two they dropped, I almost think that they come about the fight.'

'About the fight!' said the magistrate. 'No; that can hardly be; however, you had better show them in.'

Heavy steps were now heard ascending the stairs, and the servant ushered two men into the apartment. Again

there was a barking, but louder than that which had been directed against myself, for here were two intruders;

both of them were remarkablelooking men, but to the foremost of them the most particular notice may well

be accorded: he was a man somewhat under thirty, and nearly six feet in height. He was dressed in a blue

coat, white corduroy breeches, fastened below the knee with small golden buttons; on his legs he wore white

lamb'swool stockings, and on his feet shoes reaching to the ankles; round his neck was a handkerchief of the

blue and bird's eye pattern; he wore neither whiskers nor moustaches, and appeared not to delight in hair, that

of his head, which was of a light brown, being closely cropped; the forehead was rather high, but somewhat

narrow; the face neither broad nor sharp, perhaps rather sharp than broad; the nose was almost delicate; the

eyes were gray, with an expression in which there was sternness blended with something approaching to

feline; his complexion was exceedingly pale, relieved, however, by certain pockmarks, which here and there

studded his countenance; his form was athletic, but lean; his arms long. In the whole appearance of the man

there was a blending of the bluff and the sharp. You might have supposed him a bruiser; his dress was that of

one in all its minutiae; something was wanting, however, in his manner the quietness of the professional

man; he rather looked like one performing the part well very well but still performing a part. His

companion! there, indeed, was the bruiser no mistake about him: a tall massive man, with a broad

countenance and a flattened nose; dressed like a bruiser, but not like a bruiser going into the ring; he wore

As the first advanced towards the table, behind which the magistrate sat, he doffed a white castor from his

head, and made rather a genteel bow; looking at me, who sat somewhat on one side, he gave a kind of nod of

'Sir,' said the man in a deep, but not unpleasant voice, 'allow me to introduce to you my friend, Mr. , the

celebrated pugilist'; and he motioned with his hand towards the massive man with the flattened nose.

'My name is no matter,' said the man; 'were I to mention it to you, it would awaken within you no feeling of

interest. It is neither Kean nor Belcher, and I have as yet done nothing to distinguish myself like either of

those individuals, or even like my friend here. However, a time may come we are not yet buried; and

whensoever my hour arrives, I hope I shall prove myself equal to my destiny, however high

'Well, sir; the soul of wit is brevity; we want a place for an approaching combat between my friend here and a

brave from town. Passing by your broad acres this fine morning we saw a pightle, which we deemed would

suit. Lend us that pightle, and receive our thanks; 'twould be a favour, though not much to grant: we neither

My friend looked somewhat perplexed; after a moment, however, he said, with a firm but gentlemanly air,

'Not comply!' said the man, his brow becoming dark as midnight; and with a hoarse and savage tone, 'Not

'Let me beg of you to alter your decision,' said the man, in a tone of profound respect.

But, with a surly nod to me, the man left the apartment; and in a moment more the heavy footsteps of himself

Doubts Wise king of Jerusalem Let me see A thousand years Nothing new The crowd The hymn

Faith Charles Wesley There he stood Farewell, brother Death Sun, moon, and stars Wind on

THERE was one question which I was continually asking myself at this period, and which has more than

once met the eyes of the reader who has followed me through the last chapter: 'What is truth?' I had involved

myself imperceptibly in a dreary labyrinth of doubt, and, whichever way I turned, no reasonable prospect of

extricating myself appeared. The means by which I had brought myself into this situation may be very briefly

told; I had inquired into many matters, in order that I might become wise, and I had read and pondered over

the words of the wise, so called, till I had made myself master of the sum of human wisdom; namely, that

everything is enigmatical and that man is an enigma to himself; thence the cry of 'What is truth?' I had ceased

to believe in the truth of that in which I had hitherto trusted, and yet could find nothing in which I could put

any fixed or deliberate belief I was, indeed, in a labyrinth! In what did I not doubt? With respect to crime

and virtue I was in doubt; I doubted that the one was blamable and the other praiseworthy. Are not all things

subjected to the law of necessity? Assuredly time and chance govern all things: Yet how can this be? alas!

Then there was myself; for what was I born? Are not all things born to be forgotten? That's

incomprehensible: yet is it not so? Those butterflies fall and are forgotten. In what is man better than a

butterfly? All then is born to be forgotten. Ah! that was a pang indeed; 'tis at such a moment that a man

wishes to die. The wise king of Jerusalem, who sat in his shady arbours beside his sunny fishpools, saying

so many fine things, wished to die, when he saw that not only all was vanity, but that he himself was vanity.

Will a time come when all will be forgotten that now is beneath the sun? If so, of what profit is life?

In truth it was a sore vexation of spirit to me when I saw, as the wise man saw of old, that whatever I could

hope to perform must necessarily be of very temporary duration; and if so, why do it? I said to myself,

whatever name I can acquire, will it endure for eternity? scarcely so. A thousand years? Let me see! what

have I done already? I have learnt Welsh, and have translated the songs of Ab Gwilym, some ten thousand

lines, into English rhyme; I have also learnt Danish, and have rendered the old book of ballads cast by the

tempest upon the beach into corresponding English metre. Good! have I done enough already to secure

myself a reputation of a thousand years? No, no! certainly not; I have not the slightest ground for hoping that

my translations from the Welsh and Danish will be read at the end of a thousand years. Well, but I am only

eighteen, and I have not stated all that I have done; I have learnt many other tongues, and have acquired some

knowledge even of Hebrew and Arabic. Should I go on in this way till I am forty, I must then be very

learned; and perhaps, among other things, may have translated the Talmud, and some of the great works of

the Arabians. Pooh! all this is mere learning and translation, and such will never secure immortality.

Translation is at best an echo, and it must be a wonderful echo to be heard after the lapse of a thousand years.

No! all I have already done, and all I may yet do in the same way, I may reckon as nothing mere pastime;

something else must be done. I must either write some grand original work, or conquer an empire; the one

just as easy as the other. But am I competent to do either? Yes, I think I am, under favourable circumstances.

Yes, I think I may promise myself a reputation of a thousand years, if I do but give myself the necessary

trouble. Well! but what's a thousand years after all, or twice a thousand years? Woe is me! I may just as well

'Would I had never been born!' I said to myself; and a thought would occasionally intrude: But was I ever

born? Is not all that I see a lie a deceitful phantom? Is there a world, and earth, and sky? Berkeley's doctrine

Spinoza's doctrine! Dear reader, I had at that time never read either Berkeley or Spinoza. I have still never

read them; who are they, men of yesterday? 'All is a lie all a deceitful phantom,' are old cries; they come

naturally from the mouths of those who, casting aside that choicest shield against madness, simplicity, would

fain be wise as God, and can only know that they are naked. This doubting in the 'universal all' is almost

coeval with the human race: wisdom, so called, was early sought after. All is a lie a deceitful phantom

was said when the world was yet young; its surface, save a scanty portion, yet untrodden by human foot, and

when the great tortoise yet crawled about. All is a lie, was the doctrine of Buddh; and Buddh lived thirty

centuries before the wise king of Jerusalem, who sat in his arbours, beside his sunny fishpools, saying many

One day, whilst I bent my way to the heath of which I have spoken on a former occasion, at the foot of the

hills which formed it I came to a place where a wagon was standing, but without horses, the shafts resting on

the ground; there was a crowd about it, which extended halfway up the side of the neighbouring hill. The

wagon was occupied by some half a dozen men; some sitting, others standing they were dressed in

sobercoloured habiliments of black or brown, cut in a plain and rather uncouth fashion, and partially white

with dust; their hair was short, and seemed to have been smoothed down by the application of the hand; all

were bareheaded sitting or standing, all were bareheaded. One of them, a tall man, was speaking as I

arrived; ere, however, I could distinguish what he was saying, he left off, and then there was a cry for a hymn

'to the glory of God' that was the word. It was a strangesounding hymn, as well it might be, for everybody

joined in it: there were voices of all kinds, of men, of women, and of children of those who could sing and

of those who could not a thousand voices all joined, and all joined heartily; no voice of all the multitude

was silent save mine. The crowd consisted entirely of the lower classes, labourers and mechanics, and their

wives and children dusty people, unwashed people, people of no account whatever, and yet they did not

look a mob. And when that hymn was over and here let me observe that, strange as it sounded, I have

recalled that hymn to mind, and it has seemed to tingle in my ears on occasions when all that pomp and art

could do to enhance religious solemnity was being done in the Sistine Chapel, what time the papal band

was in full play, and the choicest choristers of Italy poured forth their mellowest tones in presence of

Batuschca and his cardinals on the ice of the Neva, what time the long train of stately priests, with their

noble beards and their flowing robes of crimson and gold, with their ebony and ivory staves, stalked along,

chanting their Sclavonian litanies in advance of the mighty Emperor of the North and his Priberjensky guard

of giants, towards the orifice through which the river, running below in its swiftness, is to receive the

baptismal lymph: when the hymn was over, another man in the wagon proceeded to address the people; he

was a much younger man than the last speaker; somewhat square built and about the middle height; his face

was rather broad, but expressive of much intelligence, and with a peculiar calm and serious look; the accent

in which he spoke indicated that he was not of these parts, but from some distant district. The subject of his

address was faith, and how it could remove mountains. It was a plain address, without any attempt at

ornament, and delivered in a tone which was neither loud nor vehement. The speaker was evidently not a

practised one once or twice he hesitated as if for words to express his meaning, but still he held on, talking

of faith, and how it could remove mountains: 'It is the only thing we want, brethren, in this world; if we have

that, we are indeed rich, as it will enable us to do our duty under all circumstances, and to bear our lot,

however hard it may be and the lot of all mankind is hard the lot of the poor is hard, brethren and who

knows more of the poor than I? a poor man myself, and the son of a poor man: but are the rich better off?

not so, brethren, for God is just. The rich have their trials too: I am not rich myself, but I have seen the rich

with careworn countenances; I have also seen them in madhouses; from which you may learn, brethren, that

the lot of all mankind is hard; that is, till we lay hold of faith, which makes us comfortable under all

circumstances; whether we ride in gilded chariots or walk barefooted in quest of bread; whether we be

ignorant, whether we be wise for riches and poverty, ignorance and wisdom, brethren, each brings with it

its peculiar temptations. Well, under all these troubles, the thing which I would recommend you to seek is

one and the same faith; faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, who made us and allotted to each his station. Each

has something to do, brethren. Do it, therefore, but always in faith; without faith we shall find ourselves

sometimes at fault; but with faith never for faith can remove the difficulty. It will teach us to love life,

brethren, when life is becoming bitter, and to prize the blessings around us; for as every man has his cares,

brethren, so has each man his blessings. It will likewise teach us not to love life over much, seeing that we

must one day part with it. It will teach us to face death with resignation, and will preserve us from sinking

And when he had concluded his address, he said, 'Let us sing a hymn, one composed by Master Charles

'Jesus, I cast my soul on Thee, Mighty and merciful to save; Thou shalt to death go down with me, And lay

me gently in the grave. This body then shall rest in hope, This body which the worms destroy; For Thou shalt

Farewell, preacher with the plain coat and the calm serious look! I saw thee once again, and that was lately

only the other day. It was near a fishing hamlet, by the seaside, that I saw the preacher again. He stood on

the top of a steep monticle, used by pilots as a lookout for vessels approaching that coast, a dangerous one,

abounding in rocks and quicksands. There he stood on the monticle, preaching to weatherworn fishermen

and mariners gathered below upon the sand. 'Who is he?' said I to an old fisherman who stood beside me with

a book of hymns in his hand; but the old man put his hand to his lips, and that was the only answer I received.

Not a sound was heard but the voice of the preacher and the roaring of the waves; but the voice was heard

loud above the roaring of the sea, for the preacher now spoke with power, and his voice was not that of one

who hesitates. There he stood no longer a young man, for his black locks were become gray, even like my

own; but there was the intelligent face, and the calm serious look which had struck me of yore. There stood

the preacher, one of those men and, thank God, their number is not few who, animated by the spirit of

Christ, amidst much poverty, and, alas! much contempt, persist in carrying the light of the Gospel amidst the

dark parishes of what, but for their instrumentality, would scarcely be Christian England. I would have waited

till he had concluded, in order that I might speak to him, and endeavour to bring back the ancient scene to his

recollection, but suddenly a man came hurrying towards the monticle, mounted on a speedy horse, and

holding by the bridle one yet more speedy, and he whispered to me, 'Why loiterest thou here? knowest thou

not all that is to be done before midnight?' and he flung me the bridle; and I mounted on the horse of great

speed, and I followed the other, who had already galloped off. And as I departed, I waved my hand to him on

the monticle, and I shouted, 'Farewell, brother! the seed came up at last, after a long period!' and then I gave

the speedy horse his way, and leaning over the shoulder of the galloping horse, I said, 'Would that my life had

I now wandered along the heath, till I came to a place where, beside a thick furze, sat a man, his eyes fixed

'What is your opinion of death, Mr. Petulengro?' said I, as I sat down beside him.

'My opinion of death, brother, is much the same as that in the old song of Pharaoh, which I have heard my

When a man dies, he is cast into the earth, and his wife and child sorrow over him. If he has neither wife nor

child, then his father and mother, I suppose; and if he is quite alone in the world, why, then, he is cast into the

'Think so! There's night and day, brother, both sweet things; sun, moon, and stars, brother, all sweet things;

there's likewise a wind on the heath. Life is very sweet, brother; who would wish to die?'

'You talk like a gorgio which is the same as talking like a fool were you a Rommany Chal you would talk

'There's the wind on the heath, brother; if I could only feel that, I would gladly live for ever. Dosta, we'll now

go to the tents and put on the gloves; and I'll try to make you feel what a sweet thing it is to be alive, brother!'

The flower of the grass Days of pugilism The rendezvous Jews Bruisers of England Winter, spring

Wellearned bays The fight Huge black cloud Frame of adamant The storm Dukkeripens The

HOW for everything there is a time and a season, and then how does the glory of a thing pass from it, even

like the flower of the grass. This is a truism, but it is one of those which are continually forcing themselves

upon the mind. Many years have not passed over my head, yet, during those which I can recall to

remembrance, how many things have I seen flourish, pass away, and become forgotten, except by myself,

who, in spite of all my endeavours, never can forget anything. I have known the time when a pugilistic

encounter between two noted champions was almost considered in the light of a national affair; when tens of

thousands of individuals, high and low, meditated and brooded upon it, the first thing in the morning and the

last at night, until the great event was decided. But the time is past, and many people will say, thank God that

it is; all I have to say is, that the French still live on the other side of the water, and are still casting their eyes

hitherward and that in the days of pugilism it was no vain blast to say that one Englishman was a match for

two of t'other race; at present it would be a vain boast to say so, for these are not the days of pugilism.

But those to which the course of my narrative has carried me were the days of pugilism; it was then at its

height, and consequently near its decline, for corruption had crept into the ring; and how many things, states

and sects among the rest, owe their decline to this cause! But what a bold and vigorous aspect pugilism wore

at that time! and the great battle was just then coming off: the day had been decided upon, and the spot a

convenient distance from the old town; and to the old town were now flocking the bruisers of England, men

of tremendous renown. Let no one sneer at the bruisers of England what were the gladiators of Rome, or

the bullfighters of Spain, in its palmiest days, compared to England's bruisers? Pity that ever corruption

should have crept in amongst them but of that I wish not to talk; let us still hope that a spark of the old

religion, of which they were the priests, still lingers in the breasts of Englishmen. There they come, the

bruisers, from far London, or from wherever else they might chance to be at the time, to the great rendezvous

in the old city; some came one way, some another: some of tiptop reputation came with peers in their

chariots, for glory and fame are such fair things that even peers are proud to have those invested therewith by

their sides; others came in their own gigs, driving their own bits of blood, and I heard one say: 'I have driven

through at a heat the whole hundred and eleven miles, and only stopped to bait twice.' Oh, the bloodhorses

of old England! but they, too, have had their day for everything beneath the sun there is a season and a

time. But the greater number come just as they can contrive; on the tops of coaches, for example; and

amongst these there are fellows with dark sallow faces and sharp shining eyes; and it is these that have

planted rottenness in the core of pugilism, for they are Jews, and, true to their kind, have only base lucre in

It was fierce old Cobbett, I think, who first said that the Jews first introduced bad faith amongst pugilists. He

did not always speak the truth, but at any rate he spoke it when he made that observation. Strange people the

Jews endowed with every gift but one, and that the highest, genius divine genius which can alone make

of men demigods, and elevate them above earth and what is earthy and grovelling; without which a clever

nation and, who more clever than the Jews? may have Rambams in plenty, but never a Fielding nor a

So the bruisers of England are come to be present at the grand fight speedily coming off; there they are met in

the precincts of the old town, near the field of the chapel, planted with tender saplings at the restoration of

sporting Charles, which are now become venerable elms, as high as many a steeple; there they are met at a

fitting rendezvous, where a retired coachman, with one leg, keeps an hotel and a bowlinggreen. I think I

now see them upon the bowlinggreen, the men of renown, amidst hundreds of people with no renown at all,

who gaze upon them with timid wonder. Fame, after all, is a glorious thing, though it lasts only for a day.

There's Cribb, the champion of England, and perhaps the best man in England; there he is, with his huge

massive figure, and face wonderfully like that of a lion. There is Belcher, the younger, not the mighty one,

who is gone to his place, but the Teucer Belcher, the most scientific pugilist that ever entered a ring, only

wanting strength to be, I won't say what. He appears to walk before me now, as he did that evening, with his

white hat, white greatcoat, thin genteel figure, springy step, and keen, determined eye. Crosses him, what a

contrast! grim, savage Shelton, who has a civil word for nobody, and a hard blow for anybody hard! one

blow, given with the proper play of his athletic arm, will unsense a giant. Yonder individual, who strolls

about with his hands behind him, supporting his brown coat lappets, undersized, and who looks anything

but what he is, is the king of the light weights, so called Randall! the terrible Randall, who has Irish blood

in his veins; not the better for that, nor the worse; and not far from him is his last antagonist, Ned Turner,

who, though beaten by him, still thinks himself as good a man, in which he is, perhaps, right, for it was a near

thing; and 'a better shentleman,' in which he is quite right, for he is a Welshman. But how shall I name them

all? they were there by dozens, and all tremendous in their way. There was Bulldog Hudson, and fearless

Scroggins, who beat the conqueror of Sam the Jew. There was Black Richmond no, he was not there, but I

knew him well; he was the most dangerous of blacks, even with a broken thigh. There was Purcell, who could

never conquer till all seemed over with him. There was what! shall I name thee last? ay, why not? I believe

that thou art the last of all that strong family still above the sod, where mayst thou long continue true piece

Hail to thee, Tom of Bedford, or by whatever name it may please thee to be called, Spring or Winter. Hail to

thee, sixfoot Englishman of the brown eye, worthy to have carried a sixfoot bow at Flodden, where

England's yeomen triumphed over Scotland's king, his clans and chivalry. Hail to thee, last of England's

bruisers, after all the many victories which thou hast achieved true English victories, unbought by yellow

gold; need I recount them? nay, nay! they are already well known to fame sufficient to say that Bristol's

Bull and Ireland's Champion were vanquished by thee, and one mightier still, gold itself, thou didst

overcome; for gold itself strove in vain to deaden the power of thy arm; and thus thou didst proceed till men

left off challenging thee, the unvanquishable, the incorruptible. 'Tis a treat to see thee, Tom of Bedford, in thy

'public' in Holborn way, whither thou hast retired with thy wellearned bays. 'Tis Friday night, and nine by

Holborn clock. There sits the yeoman at the end of his long room, surrounded by his friends; glasses are

filled, and a song is the cry, and a song is sung well suited to the place; it finds an echo in every heart fists

are clenched, arms are waved, and the portraits of the mighty fighting men of yore, Broughton, and Slack,

and Ben, which adorn the walls, appear to smile grim approbation, whilst many a manly voice joins in the

Here's a health to old honest John Bull, When he's gone we shan't find such another, And with hearts and

But the fight! with respect to the fight, what shall I say? Little can be said about it it was soon over; some

said that the brave from town, who was reputed the best man of the two, and whose form was a perfect model

of athletic beauty, allowed himself, for lucre vile, to be vanquished by the massive champion with the

flattened nose. One thing is certain, that the former was suddenly seen to sink to the earth before a blow of by

no means extraordinary power. Time, time! was called; but there he lay upon the ground apparently senseless,

and from thence he did not lift his head till several seconds after the umpires had declared his adversary

There were shouts; indeed there's never a lack of shouts to celebrate a victory, however acquired; but there

was also much grinding of teeth, especially amongst the fighting men from town. 'Tom has sold us,' said they,

'sold us to the yokels; who would have thought it?' Then there was fresh grinding of teeth, and scowling

brows were turned to the heaven; but what is this? is it possible, does the heaven scowl too? why, only a

quarter of an hour ago . . . but what may not happen in a quarter of an hour? For many weeks the weather had

been of the most glorious description, the eventful day, too, had dawned gloriously, and so it had continued

till some two hours after noon; the fight was then over; and about that time I looked up what a glorious sky

of deep blue, and what a big fierce sun swimming high above in the midst of that blue; not a cloud there

had not been one for weeks not a cloud to be seen, only in the far west, just on the horizon, something like

the extremity of a black wing; that was only a quarter of an hour ago, and now the whole northern side of the

heaven is occupied by a huge black cloud, and the sun is only occasionally seen amidst masses of driving

vapour; what a change! but another fight is at hand, and the pugilists are clearing the outer ring; how their

huge whips come crashing upon the heads of the yokels; blood flows, more blood than in the fight; those

blows are given with right goodwill, those are not sham blows, whether of whip or fist; it is with fist that

grim Shelton strikes down the big yokel; he is always dangerous, grim Shelton, but now particularly so, for

he has lost ten pounds betted on the brave who sold himself to the yokels; but the outer ring is cleared: and

now the second fight commences; it is between two champions of less renown than the others, but is perhaps

not the worse on that account. A tall thin boy is fighting in the ring with a man somewhat under the middle

size, with a frame of adamant; that's a gallant boy! he's a yokel, but he comes from Brummagem, and he does

credit to his extraction; but his adversary has a frame of adamant: in what a strange light they fight, but who

can wonder, on looking at that frightful cloud usurping now onehalf of heaven, and at the sun struggling

with sulphurous vapour; the face of the boy, which is turned towards me, looks horrible in that light, but he is

a brave boy, he strikes his foe on the forehead, and the report of the blow is like the sound of a hammer

against a rock; but there is a rush and a roar overhead, a wild commotion, the tempest is beginning to break

loose; there's wind and dust, a crash, rain and hail; is it possible to fight amidst such a commotion? yes! the

fight goes on; again the boy strikes the man full on the brow, but it is of no use striking that man, his frame is

of adamant. 'Boy, thy strength is beginning to give way, and thou art becoming confused'; the man now goes

to work, amidst rain and hail. 'Boy, thou wilt not hold out ten minutes longer against rain, hail, and the blows

And now the storm was at its height; the black thundercloud had broken into many, which assumed the

wildest shapes and the strangest colours, some of them unspeakably glorious; the rain poured in a deluge, and

more than one waterspout was seen at no great distance: an immense rabble is hurrying in one direction; a

multitude of men of all ranks, peers and yokels, prizefighters and Jews, and the last came to plunder, and are

now plundering amidst that wild confusion of hail and rain, men and horses, carts and carriages. But all hurry

in one direction, through mud and mire; there's a town only three miles distant, which is soon reached, and

soon filled, it will not contain onethird of that mighty rabble; but there's another town farther on the good

old city is farther on, only twelve miles; what's that! who will stay here? onward to the old town.

Hurryskurry, a mixed multitude of men and horses, carts and carriages, all in the direction of the old town;

and, in the midst of all that mad throng, at a moment when the raingushes were coming down with

particular fury, and the artillery of the sky was pealing as I had never heard it peal before, I felt some one

'I can't hear you, Mr. Petulengro,' said I; for the thunder drowned the words which he appeared to be uttering.

'Dearginni,' I heard Mr. Petulengro say, 'it thundreth. I was asking, brother, whether you believe in

'I do not, Mr. Petulengro; but this is strange weather to be asking me whether I believe in fortunes.'

'Grondinni,' said Mr. Petulengro, 'it haileth. I believe in dukkeripens, brother.'

'And who has more right,' said I; 'seeing that you live by them? But this tempest is truly horrible.'

'Dearginni, grondinni ta villaminni! It thundreth, it haileth, and also flameth,' said Mr. Petulengro. 'Look up

I looked up. Connected with this tempest there was one feature to which I have already alluded the

wonderful colours of the clouds. Some were of vivid green; others of the brightest orange; others as black as

Down the way, dashing and splashing, and scattering man, horse, and cart to the left and right, came an open

barouche, drawn by four smoking steeds, with postilions in scarlet jackets and leather skullcaps. Two forms

were conspicuous in it; that of the successful bruiser, and of his friend and backer, the sporting gentleman of

'His!' said the gypsy, pointing to the latter, whose stern features wore a smile of triumph, as, probably

recognising me in the crowd, he nodded in the direction of where I stood, as the barouche hurried by.

There went the barouche, dashing through the raingushes, and in it one whose boast it was that he was equal

to 'either fortune.' Many have heard of that man many may be desirous of knowing yet more of him. I have

nothing to do with that man's after life he fulfilled his dukkeripen. 'A bad, violent man!' Softly, friend;

when thou wouldst speak harshly of the dead, remember that thou hast not yet fulfilled thy own dukkeripen!

My father Premature decay The easychair A few questions So you told me A difficult language

They can it Haik Misused opportunities Saul Want of candour Don't weep Heaven forgive me

Dated from Paris I wish he were here A father's reminiscences Farewell to vanities.

MY father, as I have already informed the reader, had been endowed by nature with great corporeal strength;

indeed, I have been assured that, at the period of his prime, his figure had denoted the possession of almost

Herculean powers. The strongest forms, however, do not always endure the longest, the very excess of the

noble and generous juices which they contain being the cause of their premature decay. But, be that as it may,

the health of my father, some few years after his retirement from the service to the quiet of domestic life,

underwent a considerable change; his constitution appeared to be breaking up; and he was subject to severe

attacks from various disorders, with which, till then, he had been utterly unacquainted. He was, however,

wont to rally, more or less, after his illnesses, and might still occasionally be seen taking his walk, with his

cane in his hand, and accompanied by his dog, who sympathised entirely with him, pining as he pined,

improving as he improved, and never leaving the house save in his company; and in this manner matters went

on for a considerable time, no very great apprehension with respect to my father's state being raised either in

my mother's breast or my own. But, about six months after the period at which I have arrived in my last

chapter, it came to pass that my father experienced a severer attack than on any previous occasion.

He had the best medical advice; but it was easy to see, from the looks of his doctors, that they entertained but

slight hopes of his recovery. His sufferings were great, yet he invariably bore them with unshaken fortitude.

There was one thing remarkable connected with his illness; notwithstanding its severity, it never confined

him to his bed. He was wont to sit in his little parlour, in his easychair, dressed in a faded regimental coat,

his dog at his feet, who would occasionally lift his head from the hearthrug on which he lay, and look his

master wistfully in the face. And thus my father spent the greater part of his time, sometimes in prayer,

sometimes in meditation, and sometimes in reading the Scriptures. I frequently sat with him, though, as I

entertained a great awe for my father, I used to feel rather ill at ease, when, as sometimes happened, I found

'I wish to ask you a few questions,' said he to me one day, after my mother had left the room.

'I have been occupied as usual, attending at the office at the appointed hours.'

'The language of a people whose country is a region on the other side of Asia Minor.'

'Or rather, I should say, in the ancient language of these people; from which I am told the modem Armenian

'And sometimes agreeing remarkably in words with a certain strange wild speech with which I became

'No, father, not Irish with which I became acquainted by the greatest chance in the world.'

'But of which I need say nothing farther at present, and which I should not have mentioned but for that fact.'

'And themselves, Haik, also; they are a remarkable people, and, though their original habitation is the

'Very little, father; indeed, there is very little known about the Armenians; their early history, in particular, is

'And, if you knew all that it was possible to know about them, to what would it amount? to what earthly

'And yet it was your duty to have done so. But I see how it is, you have shamefully misused your

opportunities; you are like one who, sent into the field to labour, passes his time in flinging stones at the birds

'You know what I mean, and all too well, and this attempt to evade deserved reproof by feigned simplicity is

quite in character with your general behaviour. I have ever observed about you a want of frankness, which

has distressed me; you never speak of what you are about, your hopes, or your projects, but cover yourself

with mystery. I never knew till the present moment that you were acquainted with Armenian.'

'Because you never asked me, father; there's nothing to conceal in the matter I will tell you in a moment

how I came to learn Armenian. A lady whom I met at one of Mrs. 's parties took a fancy to me, and has

done me the honour to allow me to go and see her sometimes. She is the widow of a rich clergyman, and on

her husband's death came to this place to live, bringing her husband's library with her: I soon found my way

to it, and examined every book. Her husband must have been a learned man, for amongst much Greek and

'Because you never questioned me; but, I repeat, there is nothing to conceal in the matter. The lady took a

fancy to me, and, being fond of the arts, drew my portrait; she said the expression of my countenance put her

'No, she soon grew tired of me, and told people that she found me very stupid; she gave me the Armenian

'Saul,' said my father, musingly, 'Saul. I am afraid she was only too right there; he disobeyed the commands

of his master, and brought down on his head the vengeance of Heaven he became a maniac, prophesied,

'God forbid!' said my father, solemnly; 'but in many respects you are headstrong and disobedient like him. I

placed you in a profession, and besought you to make yourself master of it by giving it your undivided

attention. This, however, you did not do, you know nothing of it, but tell me that you are acquainted with

Armenian; but what I dislike most is your want of candour you are my son, but I know little of your real

history, you may know fifty things for what I am aware: you may know how to shoe a horse for what I am

'Perhaps so,' said my father; 'and it only serves to prove what I was just saying, that I know little about you.'

'But you easily may, my dear father; I will tell you anything that you may wish to know shall I inform you

'No,' said my father; 'as you kept it a secret so long, it may as well continue so still. Had you been a frank,

openhearted boy, like one I could name, you would have told me all about it of your own accord. But I now

'Yes! the time for which you were articled to your profession will soon be expired, and I shall be no more.'

'Do not flatter yourself; I feel that my days are numbered, I am soon going to my rest, and I have need of rest,

for I am weary. There, there, don't weep! Tears will help me as little as they will you; you have not yet

'The military pension which I enjoy will cease with my life. The property which I shall leave behind me will

be barely sufficient for the maintenance of your mother respectably. I again ask you what you intend to do.

Do you think you can support yourself by your Armenian or your other acquirements?'

'Alas! I think little at all about it; but I suppose I must push into the world, and make a good fight, as becomes

the son of him who fought Big Ben; if I can't succeed, and am driven to the worst, it is but dying '

'Leaving the world; my loss would scarcely be felt. I have never held life in much value, and every one has a

'Ah! now I understand you; and well I know how and where you imbibed that horrible doctrine, and many

similar ones which I have heard from your mouth; but I wish not to reproach you I view in your conduct a

punishment for my own sins, and I bow to the will of God. Few and evil have been my days upon the earth;

little have I done to which I can look back with satisfaction. It is true I have served my king fifty years, and I

have fought with Heaven forgive me, what was I about to say! but you mentioned the man's name, and

our minds willingly recall our ancient follies. Few and evil have been my days upon earth, I may say with

Jacob of old, though I do not mean to say that my case is so hard as his; he had many undutiful children,

whilst I have only ; but I will not reproach you. I have also like him a son to whom I can look with hope,

who may yet preserve my name when I am gone, so let me be thankful; perhaps, after all, I have not lived in

vain. Boy, when I am gone, look up to your brother, and may God bless you both! There, don't weep; but take

My brother had now been absent for the space of three years. At first his letters had been frequent, and from

them it appeared that he was following his profession in London with industry; they then became rather rare,

and my father did not always communicate their contents. His last letter, however, had filled him and our

whole little family with joy; it was dated from Paris, and the writer was evidently in high spirits. After

describing in eloquent terms the beauties and gaieties of the French capital, he informed us how he had plenty

of money, having copied a celebrated picture of one of the Italian masters for a Hungarian nobleman, for

which he had received a large sum. 'He wishes me to go with him to Italy,' added he, 'but I am fond of

independence; and, if ever I visit old Rome, I will have no patrons near me to distract my attention.' But six

months had now elapsed from the date of this letter, and we had heard no further intelligence of my brother.

My father's complaint increased; the gout, his principal enemy, occasionally mounted high up in his system,

and we had considerable difficulty in keeping it from the stomach, where it generally proves fatal. I now

devoted almost the whole of my time to my father, on whom his faithful partner also lavished every attention

and care. I read the Bible to him, which was his chief delight; and also occasionally such other books as I

thought might prove entertaining to him. His spirits were generally rather depressed. The absence of my

brother appeared to prey upon his mind. 'I wish he were here,' he would frequently exclaim; 'I can't imagine

what can have become of him; I trust, however, he will arrive in time.' He still sometimes rallied, and I took

advantage of those moments of comparative ease to question him upon the events of his early life. My

attentions to him had not passed unnoticed, and he was kind, fatherly, and unreserved. I had never known my

father so entertaining as at these moments, when his life was but too evidently drawing to a close. I had no

idea that he knew and had seen so much; my respect for him increased, and I looked upon him almost with

admiration. His anecdotes were in general highly curious; some of them related to people in the highest

stations, and to men whose names were closely connected with some of the brightest glories of our native

land. He had frequently conversed almost on terms of familiarity with good old George. He had known

the conqueror of Tippoo Saib; and was the friend of Townshend, who, when Wolfe fell, led the British

grenadiers against the shrinking regiments of Montcalm. 'Pity,' he added, 'that when old old as I am now

he should have driven his own son mad by robbing him of his plighted bride; but so it was; he married his

son's bride. I saw him lead her to the altar; if ever there was an angelic countenance, it was that girl's; she was

almost too fair to be one of the daughters of women. Is there anything, boy, that you would wish to ask me?

'No, father, not about Elliot; but pray don't be angry; I should like to know something about Big Ben.'

'You are a strange lad,' said my father; 'and, though of late I have begun to entertain a more favourable

opinion than heretofore, there is still much about you that I do not understand. Why do you bring up that

name? Don't you know that it is one of my temptations: you wish to know something about him. Well! I will

oblige you this once, and then farewell to such vanities something about him. I will tell you his skin

when he flung off his clothes and he had a particular knack in doing so his skin, when he bared his

mighty chest and back for combat; and when he fought he stood, so . . . . if I remember right his skin, I say,

AT last my brother arrived; he looked pale and unwell; I met him at the door. 'You have been long absent,'

'Very poorly,' said I, 'he has had a fresh attack; but where have you been of late?'

'Far and wide,' said my brother; 'but I can't tell you anything now, I must go to my father. It was only by

'Stay a moment,' said I. 'Is the world such a fine place as you supposed it to be before you went away?'

'Not quite,' said my brother, 'not quite; indeed I wish but ask me no questions now, I must hasten to my

father.' There was another question on my tongue, but I forbore; for the eyes of the young man were full of

tears. I pointed with my finger, and the young man hastened past me to the arms of his father.

What passed between my father and brother I do not know; the interview, no doubt, was tender enough, for

they tenderly loved each other; but my brother's arrival did not produce the beneficial effect upon my father

which I at first hoped it would; it did not even appear to have raised his spirits. He was composed enough,

however: 'I ought to be grateful,' said he; 'I wished to see my son, and God has granted me my wish; what

And did I shed no tears? did I breathe no sighs? did I never wring my hands at this period? the reader will

perhaps be asking. Whatever I did and thought is best known to God and myself; but it will be as well to

At the dead hour of night, it might be about two, I was awakened from sleep by a cry which sounded from the

room immediately below that in which I slept. I knew the cry, it was the cry of my mother; and I also knew

its import, yet I made no effort to rise, for I was for the moment paralysed. Again the cry sounded, yet still I

lay motionless the stupidity of horror was upon me. A third time, and it was then that, by a violent effort,

bursting the spell which appeared to bind me, I sprang from the bed and rushed downstairs. My mother was

running wildly about the room; she had awoke, and found my father senseless in the bed by her side. I

essayed to raise him, and after a few efforts supported him in the bed in a sitting posture. My brother now

rushed in, and, snatching up a light that was burning, he held it to my father's face. 'The surgeon, the

surgeon!' he cried; then, dropping the light, he ran out of the room followed by my mother; I remained alone,

supporting the senseless form of my father; the light had been extinguished by the fall, and an almost total

darkness reigned in the room. The form pressed heavily against my bosom at last methought it moved. Yes,

I was right, there was a heaving of the breast, and then a gasping. Were those words which I heard? Yes, they

were words, low and indistinct at first, and then audible. The mind of the dying man was reverting to former

scenes. I heard him mention names which I had often heard him mention before. It was an awful moment; I

felt stupefied, but I still contrived to support my dying father. There was a pause, again my father spoke: I

heard him speak of Minden, and of Meredith, the old Minden sergeant, and then he uttered another name,

which at one period of his life was much in his lips, the name of . . . but this is a solemn moment! There was

a deep gasp: I shook, and thought all was over; but I was mistaken my father moved, and revived for a

moment; he supported himself in bed without my assistance. I make no doubt that for a moment he was

perfectly sensible, and it was then that, clasping his hands, he uttered another name clearly, distinctly it was

the name of Christ. With that name upon his lips, the brave old soldier sank back upon my bosom, and, with

The greeting Queer figure Cheer up The cheerful fire It will do The sally forth Trepidation Let

'ONEANDNINEPENCE, sir, or the things which you have brought with you will be taken away from

Such were the first words which greeted my ears, one damp misty morning in March, as I dismounted from

I turned round, for I felt that the words were addressed to myself. Plenty of people were in the yard porters,

passengers, coachmen, hostlers, and others, who appeared to be intent on anything but myself, with the

exception of one individual, whose business appeared to lie with me, and who now confronted me at the

I looked hard at the man and a queer kind of individual he was to look at a rakish figure, about thirty, and

of the middle size, dressed in a coat smartly cut, but threadbare, very tight pantaloons of blue stuff, tied at the

ankles, dirty white stockings and thin shoes, like those of a dancingmaster; his features were not ugly, but

rather haggard, and he appeared to owe his complexion less to nature than carmine; in fact, in every respect, a

'Oneandninepence, sir, or your things will be taken away from you!' he said, in a kind of lisping tone,

I still remained staring fixedly at him, but never a word answered. Our eyes met; whereupon he suddenly lost

the easy impudent air which he before wore. He glanced, for a moment, at my fist, which I had by this time

clenched, and his features became yet more haggard; he faltered; a fresh 'oneandninepence,' which he was

about to utter, died on his lips; he shrank back, disappeared behind a coach, and I saw no more of him.

'Oneandninepence, or my things will be taken away from me!' said I to myself, musingly, as I followed the

porter to whom I had delivered my scanty baggage; 'am I to expect many of these greetings in the big world?

Well, never mind! I think I know the countersign!' And I clenched my fist yet harder than before.

So I followed the porter, through the streets of London, to a lodging which had been prepared for me by an

acquaintance. The morning, as I have before said, was gloomy, and the streets through which I passed were

dank and filthy; the people, also, looked dank and filthy; and so, probably, did I, for the night had been rainy,

and I had come upwards of a hundred miles on the top of a coach; my heart had sunk within me, by the time

And presently I found myself in the lodging which had been prepared for me. It consisted of a small room, up

two pair of stairs, in which I was to sit, and another still smaller above it, in which I was to sleep. I remember

that I sat down, and looked disconsolate about me everything seemed so cold and dingy. Yet how little is

required to make a situation however cheerless at first sight cheerful and comfortable. The people of the

house, who looked kindly upon me, lighted a fire in the dingy grate; and, then, what a change! the dingy

room seemed dingy no more! Oh the luxury of a cheerful fire after a chill night's journey! I drew near to the

And, when I had warmed myself, I turned to the table, on which, by this time, the people of the house had

placed my breakfast; and I ate and I drank; and, as I ate and drank, I mused within myself, and my eyes were

frequently directed to a small green box, which constituted part of my luggage, and which, with the rest of

my things, stood in one corner of the room, till at last, leaving my breakfast unfinished, I rose, and, going to

the box, unlocked it, and took out two or three bundles of papers tied with red tape, and, placing them on the

table, I resumed my seat and my breakfast, my eyes intently fixed upon the bundles of papers all the time.

And when I had drained the last cup of tea out of a dingy teapot, and ate the last slice of the dingy loaf, I

untied one of the bundles, and proceeded to look over the papers, which were closely written over in a

singular hand, and I read for some time, till at last I said to myself, 'It will do.' And then I looked at the other

bundle for some time without untying it; and at last I said, 'It will do also.' And then I turned to the fire, and,

putting my feet against the sides of the grate, I leaned back on my chair, and, with my eyes upon the fire, fell

And there I continued in thought before the fire, until my eyes closed, and I fell asleep; which was not to be

wondered at, after the fatigue and cold which I had lately undergone on the coachtop; and, in my sleep, I

imagined myself still there, amidst darkness and rain, hurrying now over wild heaths, and now along roads

overhung with thick and umbrageous trees, and sometimes methought I heard the horn of the guard, and

sometimes the voice of the coachman, now chiding, now encouraging his horses, as they toiled through the

deep and miry ways. At length a tremendous crack of a whip saluted the tympanum of my ear, and I started

up broad awake, nearly oversetting the chair on which I reclined and lo! I was in the dingy room before the

fire, which was by this time half extinguished. In my dream I had confounded the noise of the street with

those of my night journey; the crack which had aroused me I soon found proceeded from the whip of a carter,

Looking at a clock which stood upon the mantelpiece, I perceived that it was past eleven; whereupon I said to

myself, 'I am wasting my time foolishly and unprofitably, forgetting that I am now in the big world, without

anything to depend upon save my own exertions'; and then I adjusted my dress, and, locking up the bundle of

papers which I had not read, I tied up the other, and, taking it under my arm, I went downstairs; and, after

asking a question or two of the people of the house, I sallied forth into the street with a determined look,

though at heart I felt somewhat timorous at the idea of venturing out alone into the mazes of the mighty city,

I had, however, no great cause for anxiety in the present instance; I easily found my way to the place which I

was in quest of one of the many new squares on the northern side of the metropolis, and which was scarcely

ten minutes' walk from the street in which I had taken up my abode. Arriving before the door of a tolerably

large house which bore a certain number, I stood still for a moment in a kind of trepidation, looking

anxiously at the door; I then slowly passed on till I came to the end of the square, where I stood still, and

pondered for a while. Suddenly, however, like one who has formed a resolution, I clenched my right hand,

flinging my hat somewhat on one side, and, turning back with haste to the door before which I had stopped, I

sprang up the steps, and gave a loud rap, ringing at the same time the bell of the area. After the lapse of a

minute the door was opened by a maidservant of no very cleanly or prepossessing appearance, of whom I

demanded, in a tone of some hauteur, whether the master of the house was at home. Glancing for a moment at

the white paper bundle beneath my arm, the handmaid made no reply in words, but, with a kind of toss of her

head, flung the door open, standing on one side as if to let me enter. I did enter; and the handmaid, having

opened another door on the right hand, went in, and said something which I could not hear: after a

considerable pause, however, I heard the voice of a man say, 'Let him come in'; whereupon the handmaid,

coming out, motioned me to enter, and, on my obeying, instantly closed the door behind me.

The sinister glance Excellent correspondent Quite original My system A losing trade Merit

Starting a Review What have you got? Stop! DAIRYMAN'S DAUGHTER Oxford principles More

THERE were two individuals in the room in which I now found myself; it was a small study, surrounded with

bookcases, the window looking out upon the square. Of these individuals he who appeared to be the principal

stood with his back to the fireplace. He was a tall stout man, about sixty, dressed in a loose morning gown.

The expression of his countenance would have been bluff but for a certain sinister glance, and his complexion

might have been called rubicund but for a considerable tinge of bilious yellow. He eyed me askance as I

entered. The other, a pale, shrivelledlooking person, sat at a table apparently engaged with an

accountbook; he took no manner of notice of me, never once lifting his eyes from the page before him.

'Well, sir, what is your pleasure?' said the big man, in a rough tone, as I stood there, looking at him wistfully

as well I might for upon that man, at the time of which I am speaking, my principal, I may say my only,

'Sir,' said I, 'my name is soandso, and I am the bearer of a letter to you from Mr. soandso, an old friend

The countenance of the big man instantly lost the suspicious and lowering expression which it had hitherto

exhibited; he strode forward, and, seizing me by the hand, gave me a violent squeeze.

'My dear sir,' said he, 'I am rejoiced to see you in London. I have been long anxious for the pleasure we are

old friends, though we have never before met. Taggart,' said he to the man who sat at the desk, 'this is our

excellent correspondent, the friend and pupil of our other excellent correspondent.'

The pale, shrivelledlooking man slowly and deliberately raised his head from the accountbook, and

surveyed me for a moment or two; not the slightest emotion was observable in his countenance. It appeared to

me, however, that I could detect a droll twinkle in his eye: his curiosity, if he had any, was soon gratified; he

made me a kind of bow, pulled out a snuffbox, took a pinch of snuff, and again bent his head over the page.

'And now, my dear sir,' said the big man, 'pray sit down, and tell me the cause of your visit. I hope you intend

'Glad to hear it; and what have you been about of late? got anything which will suit me? Sir, I admire your

style of writing, and your manner of thinking; and I am much obliged to my good friend and correspondent

for sending me some of your productions. I inserted them all, and wished there had been more of them

quite original, sir, quite: took with the public, especially the essay about the nonexistence of anything. I

don't exactly agree with you though; I have my own peculiar ideas about matter as you know, of course,

from the book I have published. Nevertheless, a very pretty piece of speculative philosophy no such thing

as matter impossible that there should be EX NIHILO what is the Greek? I have forgot very pretty

'I am afraid, sir, it was very wrong to write such trash, and yet more to allow it to be published.'

'Trash! not at all; a very pretty piece of speculative philosophy; of course you were wrong in saying there is

no world. The world must exist, to have the shape of a pear; and that the world is shaped like a pear, and not

like an apple, as the fools of Oxford say, I have satisfactorily proved in my book. Now, if there were no

world, what would become of my system? But what do you propose to do in London?'

'Here is the letter, sir,' said I, 'of our good friend, which I have not yet given to you; I believe it will explain to

He took the letter, and perused it with attention. 'Hem!' said he, with a somewhat altered manner, 'my friend

tells me that you are come up to London with the view of turning your literary talents to account, and desires

me to assist you in my capacity of publisher in bringing forth two or three works which you have prepared.

My good friend is perhaps not aware that for some time past I have given up publishing was obliged to do

so had many severe losses do nothing at present in that line, save sending out the Magazine once a

month; and, between ourselves, am thinking of disposing of that wish to retire high time at my age so

'I am very sorry, sir, to hear that you cannot assist me' (and I remember that I felt very nervous); 'I had hoped

'A losing trade, I assure you, sir; literature is a drug. Taggart, what o'clock is?'

'Well, sir!' said I, rising, 'as you cannot assist me, I will now take my leave; I thank you sincerely for your

'Oh, don't go. I wish to have some further conversation with you; and perhaps I may hit upon some plan to

benefit you. I honour merit, and always make a point to encourage it when I can; but Taggart, go to the

bank, and tell them to dishonour the bill twelve months after date for thirty pounds which becomes due

tomorrow. I am dissatisfied with that fellow who wrote the fairy tales, and intend to give him all the trouble

Taggart did not appear to be in any particular haste. First of all, he took a pinch of snuff, then, rising from his

chair, slowly and deliberately drew his wig, for he wore a wig of a brown colour, rather more over his

forehead than it had previously been, buttoned his coat, and, taking his hat, and an umbrella which stood in a

'Well, sir, where were we? Oh, I remember, we were talking about merit. Sir, I always wish to encourage

merit, especially when it comes so highly recommended as in the present instance. Sir, my good friend and

correspondent speaks of you in the highest terms. Sir, I honour my good friend, and have the highest respect

for his opinion in all matters connected with literature rather eccentric though. Sir, my good friend has done

my periodical more good and more harm than all the rest of my correspondents. Sir, I shall never forget the

sensation caused by the appearance of his article about a certain personage whom he proved and I think

satisfactorily to have been a legionary soldier rather startling, was it not? The S of the world a common

soldier, in a marching regiment original, but startling; sir, I honour my good friend.'

'So you have renounced publishing, sir,' said I, 'with the exception of the Magazine?'

'Why, yes; except now and then, under the rose; the old coachman, you know, likes to hear the whip. Indeed,

at the present moment, I am thinking of starting a Review on an entirely new and original principle; and it

just struck me that you might be of high utility in the undertaking what do you think of the matter?'

'I should be happy, sir, to render you any assistance, but I am afraid the employment you propose requires

other qualifications than I possess; however, I can make the essay. My chief intention in coming to London

was to lay before the world what I had prepared; and I had hoped by your assistance '

'Ah! I see, ambition! Ambition is a very pretty thing; but, sir, we must walk before we run, according to the

'One of the works to which I was alluding; the one, indeed, which I am most anxious to lay before the world,

'Ancient songs of Denmark, heroic and romantic, translated by myself; with notes philological, critical, and

'Then, sir, I assure you that your time and labour have been entirely flung away; nobody would read your

'I am sure, sir, that you would say otherwise if you would permit me to read one to you'; and, without waiting

for the answer of the big man, nor indeed so much as looking at him, to see whether he was inclined or not to

hear me, I undid my manuscript, and, with a voice trembling with eagerness, I read to the following effect:

Buckshank bold and Elfinstone, And more than I can mention here, They caused to be built so stout a ship,

They launched the ship upon the main, Which bellowed like a wrathful bear; Down to the bottom the vessel

Down to the bottom sank young Roland, And round about he groped awhile; Until he found the path which

'Stop!' said the publisher; 'very pretty indeed, and very original; beats Scott hollow, and Percy too: but, sir,

the day for these things is gone by; nobody at present cares for Percy, nor for Scott either, save as a novelist;

'The songs of Ab Gwilym, the Welsh bard, also translated by myself, with notes critical, philological, and

'Nothing else,' said I, folding up my manuscript with a sigh, 'unless it be a romance in the German style; on

'Well, that's better,' said the publisher; 'and yet, I don't know, I question whether any one at present cares for

the miller himself. No, sir, the time for those things is also gone by; German, at present, is a drug; and,

between ourselves, nobody has contributed to make it so more than my good friend and correspondent; but,

sir, I see you are a young gentleman of infinite merit, and I always wish to encourage merit. Don't you think

'Herder is a drug, sir; nobody cares for Herder thanks to my good friend. Sir, I have in yon drawer a

hundred pages about Herder, which I dare not insert in my periodical; it would sink it, sir. No, sir, something

'Then, sir, procure it by all means. Sir, I could afford as much as ten pounds for a wellwritten tale in the

style of the DAIRYMAN'S DAUGHTER; that is the kind of literature, sir, that sells at the present day! It is

not the Miller of the Black Valley no, sir, nor Herder either, that will suit the present taste; the evangelical

'Then, sir, I must give up business altogether. Sir, I have a great respect for the goddess Reason an infinite

respect, sir; indeed, in my time, I have made a great many sacrifices for her; but, sir, I cannot altogether ruin

myself for the goddess Reason. Sir, I am a friend to Liberty, as is well known; but I must also be a friend to

my own family. It is with the view of providing for a son of mine that I am about to start the Review of which

I was speaking. He has taken into his head to marry, sir, and I must do something for him, for he can do but

little for himself. Well, sir, I am a friend to Liberty, as I said before, and likewise a friend to Reason; but I tell

you frankly that the Review which I intend to get up under the rose, and present him with when it is

Much more conversation passed between us, and it was agreed that I should become a contributor to the

Oxford Review. I stipulated, however, that, as I knew little of politics, and cared less, no other articles should

be required from me than such as were connected with belleslettres and philology; to this the big man

readily assented. 'Nothing will be required from you,' said he, 'but what you mention; and now and then,

perhaps, a paper on metaphysics. You understand German, and perhaps it would be desirable that you should

review Kant; and in a review of Kant, sir, you could introduce to advantage your peculiar notions about EX

NIHILO.' He then reverted to the subject of the DAIRYMAN'S DAUGHTER, which I promised to take into

consideration. As I was going away, he invited me to dine with him on the ensuing Sunday.

'That's a strange man!' said I to myself, after I had left the house; 'he is evidently very clever; but I cannot say

that I like him much, with his Oxford Reviews and Dairyman's Daughters. But what can I do? I am almost

without a friend in the world. I wish I could find some one who would publish my ballads, or my songs of Ab

Gwilym. In spite of what the big man says, I am convinced that, once published, they would bring me much

fame and profit. But how is this? what a beautiful sun! the porter was right in saying that the day would

clear up I will now go to my dingy lodging, lock up my manuscripts, and then take a stroll about the big

The walk London's Cheape Street of the Lombards Strange bridge Main arch The roaring gulf

SO I set out on my walk to see the wonders of the big city, and, as chance would have it, I directed my course

to the east. The day, as I have already said, had become very fine, so that I saw the great city to advantage,

and the wonders thereof: and much I admired all I saw; and, amongst other things, the huge cathedral,

standing so proudly on the most commanding ground in the big city; and I looked up to the mighty dome,

surmounted by a golden cross, and I said within myself, 'That dome must needs be the finest in the world';

and I gazed upon it till my eyes reeled, and my brain became dizzy, and I thought that the dome would fall

and crush me; and I shrank within myself, and struck yet deeper into the heart of the big city.

'O Cheapside! Cheapside!' said I, as I advanced up that mighty thoroughfare, 'truly thou art a wonderful place

for hurry, noise, and riches! Men talk of the bazaars of the East I have never seen them but I daresay that,

compared with thee, they are poor places, silent places, abounding with empty boxes, O thou pride of

London's east! mighty mart of old renown! for thou art not a place of yesterday: long before the Roses

red and white battled in fair England, thou didst exist a place of throng and bustle place of gold and

silver, perfumes and fine linen. Centuries ago thou couldst extort the praises even of the fiercest foes of

England. Fierce bards of Wales, sworn foes of England, sang thy praises centuries ago; and even the fiercest

of them all, Red Julius himself, wild Glendower's bard, had a word of praise for London's 'Cheape,' for so the

bards of Wales styled thee in their flowing odes. Then, if those who were not English, and hated England, and

all connected therewith, had yet much to say in thy praise, when thou wast far inferior to what thou art now,

why should trueborn Englishmen, or those who call themselves so, turn up their noses at thee, and scoff thee

at the present day, as I believe they do? But, let others do as they will, I, at least, who am not only an

Englishman, but an East Englishman, will not turn up my nose at thee, but will praise and extol thee, calling

thee mart of the world a place of wonder and astonishment! and, were it right and fitting to wish that

anything should endure for ever, I would say prosperity to Cheapside, throughout all ages may it be the

And when I had passed through the Cheape I entered another street, which led up a kind of ascent, and which

proved to be the street of the Lombards, called so from the name of its first founders; and I walked rapidly up

the street of the Lombards, neither looking to the right nor left, for it had no interest for me, though I had a

kind of consciousness that mighty things were being transacted behind its walls: but it wanted the throng,

bustle, and outward magnificence of the Cheape, and it had never been spoken of by 'ruddy bards'! And,

when I had got to the end of the street of the Lombards, I stood still for some time, deliberating within myself

whether I should turn to the right or the left, or go straight forward, and at last I turned to the right, down a

street of rapid descent, and presently found myself upon a bridge which traversed the river which runs by the

A strange kind of bridge it was; huge and massive, and seemingly of great antiquity. It had an arched back,

like that of a hog, a high balustrade, and at either side, at intervals, were stone bowers bulking over the river,

but open on the other side, and furnished with a semicircular bench. Though the bridge was wide very wide

it was all too narrow for the concourse upon it. Thousands of human beings were pouring over the bridge.

But what chiefly struck my attention was a double row of carts and wagons, the generality drawn by horses as

large as elephants, each row striving hard in a different direction, and not unfrequently brought to a

standstill. Oh the cracking of whips, the shouts and oaths of the carters, and the grating of wheels upon the

enormous stones that formed the pavement! In fact, there was a wild burlyburly upon the bridge, which

nearly deafened me. But, if upon the bridge there was a confusion, below it there was a confusion ten times

confounded. The tide, which was fast ebbing, obstructed by the immense piers of the old bridge, poured

beneath the arches with a fall of several feet, forming in the river below as many whirlpools as there were

arches. Truly tremendous was the roar of the descending waters, and the bellow of the tremendous gulfs,

which swallowed them for a time, and then cast them forth, foaming and frothing from their horrid wombs.

Slowly advancing along the bridge, I came to the highest point, and there I stood still, close beside one of the

stone bowers, in which, beside a fruitstall, sat an old woman, with a pan of charcoal at her feet, and a book

in her hand, in which she appeared to be reading intently. There I stood, just above the principal arch, looking

through the balustrade at the scene that presented itself and such a scene! Towards the left bank of the river,

a forest of masts, thick and close, as far as the eye could reach; spacious wharfs, surmounted with gigantic

edifices; and, far away, Caesar's Castle, with its White Tower. To the right, another forest of masts, and a

maze of buildings, from which, here and there, shot up to the sky chimneys taller than Cleopatra's Needle,

vomiting forth huge wreaths of that black smoke which forms the canopy occasionally a gorgeous one of

the more than Babel city. Stretching before me, the troubled breast of the mighty river, and, immediately

below, the main whirlpool of the Thames the Maelstrom of the bulwarks of the middle arch a grisly pool,

which, with its superabundance of horror, fascinated me. Who knows but I should have leapt into its depths?

I have heard of such things but for a rather startling occurrence which broke the spell. As I stood upon the

bridge, gazing into the jaws of the pool, a small boat shot suddenly through the arch beneath my feet. There

were three persons in it; an oarsman in the middle, whilst a man and woman sat at the stern. I shall never

forget the thrill of horror which went through me at this sudden apparition. What! a boat a small boat

passing beneath that arch into yonder roaring gulf! Yes, yes, down through that awful waterway, with more

than the swiftness of an arrow, shot the boat, or skiff, right into the jaws of the pool. A monstrous breaker

curls over the prow there is no hope; the boat is swamped, and all drowned in that strangling vortex. No!

the boat, which appeared to have the buoyancy of a feather, skipped over the threatening horror, and, the next

moment, was out of danger, the boatman a true boatman of Cockaigne that elevating one of his sculls in

sign of triumph, the man hallooing, and the woman, a true Englishwoman that of a certain class waving

her shawl. Whether any one observed them save myself, or whether the feat was a common one, I know not;

but nobody appeared to take any notice of them. As for myself, I was so excited that I strove to clamber up

the balustrade of the bridge, in order to obtain a better view of the daring adventurers. Before I could

accomplish my design, however, I felt myself seized by the body, and, turning my head, perceived the old

'Nay, dear! don't don't!' said she. 'Don't fling yourself over perhaps you may have better luck next time!'

'I was not going to fling myself over,' said I, dropping from the balustrade; 'how came you to think of such a

'Why, seeing you clamber up so fiercely, I thought you might have had ill luck, and that you wished to make

'Ill luck,' said I, going into the stone bower, and sitting down. 'What do you mean? ill luck in what?'

'Are you coming over me with dialects,' said I, 'speaking unto me in fashions I wot nothing of?'

'Nay, dear! don't look so strange with those eyes of your'n, nor talk so strangely; I don't understand you.'

'Nay, dear! don't make use of bad language; we never calls them thieves here, but prigs and fakers: to tell you

the truth, dear, seeing you spring at that railing put me in mind of my own dear son, who is now at Bot'ny:

when he had bad luck, he always used to talk of flinging himself over the bridge; and, sure enough, when the

traps were after him, he did fling himself into the river, but that was off the bank; nevertheless, the traps

pulled him out, and he is now suffering his sentence; so you see you may speak out, if you have done

'No harm in the world, dear! Do you think my own child would have been transported for it, if there had been

any harm in it? and, what's more, would the blessed woman in the book here have written her life as she has

done, and given it to the world, if there had been any harm in faking? She, too, was what they call a thief and

a cutpurse; ay, and was transported for it, like my dear son; and do you think she would have told the world

so, if there had been any harm in the thing? Oh, it is a comfort to me that the blessed woman was transported,

and came back for come back she did, and rich too for it is an assurance to me that my dear son, who was

I took the book from her hand; a short thick volume, at least a century old, bound with greasy black leather. I

turned the yellow and dog'seared pages, reading here and there a sentence. Yes, and no mistake! HIS pen,

his style, his spirit might be observed in every line of the uncouthlooking old volume the air, the style, the

spirit of the writer of the book which first taught me to read. I covered my face with my hand, and thought of

'This is a singular book,' said I at last; 'but it does not appear to have been written to prove that thieving is no

harm, but rather to show the terrible consequences of crime: it contains a deep moral.'

'No, dear, I will not sell my volume for two silver crowns; no, nor for the golden one in the king's tower down

there; without my book I should mope and pine, and perhaps fling myself into the river; but I am glad you

like it, which shows that I was right about you, after all; you are one of our party, and you have a flash about

that eye of yours which puts me just in mind of my dear son. No, dear, I won't sell you my book; but, if you

like, you may have a peep into it whenever you come this way. I shall be glad to see you; you are one of the

right sort, for, if you had been a common one, you would have run away with the thing; but you scorn such

behaviour, and, as you are so flash of your money, though you say you are poor, you may give me a tanner to

buy a little baccy with; I love baccy, dear, more by token that it comes from the plantations to which the

'Lor! don't you know, dear? Why, a tanner is sixpence; and, as you were talking just now about crowns, it will

be as well to tell you that those of our trade never calls them crowns, but bulls; but I am talking nonsense, just

as if you did not know all that already, as well as myself; you are only shamming I'm no trap, dear, nor

more was the blessed woman in the book. Thank you, dear thank you for the tanner; if I don't spend it, I'll

keep it in remembrance of your sweet face. What, you are going? well, first let me whisper a word to you.

If you have any clies to sell at any time, I'll buy them of you; all safe with me; I never peach, and scores a

trap; so now, dear, God bless you! and give you good luck. Thank you for your pleasant company, and thank

The tanner The hotel Drinking claret London journal New field Commonplaceness The three

'TANNER!' said I musingly, as I left the bridge; 'Tanner! what can the man who cures raw skins by means of

a preparation of oak bark and other materials have to do with the name which these fakers, as they call

themselves, bestow on the smallest silver coin in these dominions? Tanner! I can't trace the connection

between the man of bark and the silver coin, unless journeymen tanners are in the habit of working for

sixpence a day. But I have it,' I continued, flourishing my hat over my head, 'tanner, in this instance, is not an

English word.' Is it not surprising that the language of Mr. Petulengro and of Tawno Chikno is continually

coming to my assistance whenever I appear to be at a nonplus with respect to the derivation of crabbed

words? I have made out crabbed words in AEschylus by means of the speech of Chikno and Petulengro, and

even in my Biblical researches I have derived no slight assistance from it. It appears to be a kind of picklock,

an open sesame, Tanner Tawno! the one is but a modification of the other; they were originally identical,

and have still much the same signification. Tanner, in the language of the applewoman, meaneth the

smallest of English silver coins; and Tawno, in the language of the Petulengres, though bestowed upon the

biggest of the Romans, according to strict interpretation signifieth a little child.

So I left the bridge, retracing my steps for a considerable way, as I thought I had seen enough in the direction

in which I had hitherto been wandering; I should say that I scarcely walked less than thirty miles about the

big city on the day of my first arrival. Night came on, but still I was walking about, my eyes wide open, and

admiring everything that presented itself to them. Everything was new to me, for everything is different in

London from what it is elsewhere the people, their language, the horses, the TOUT ENSEMBLE even the

stones of London are different from others at least it appeared to me that I had never walked with the same

case and facility on the flagstones of a country town as on those of London; so I continued roving about till

night came on, and then the splendour of some of the shops particularly struck me. 'A regular Arabian Nights

entertainment!' said I, as I looked into one on Cornhill, gorgeous with precious merchandise, and lighted up

But, notwithstanding the excellence of the London pavement, I began about nine o'clock to feel myself

thoroughly tired; painfully and slowly did I drag my feet along. I also felt very much in want of some

refreshment, and I remembered that since breakfast I had taken nothing. I was now in the Strand, and,

glancing about, I perceived that I was close by an hotel, which bore over the door the somewhat remarkable

name of Holy Lands. Without a moment's hesitation I entered a welllighted passage, and, turning to the left,

I found myself in a welllighted coffeeroom, with a welldressed and frizzled waiter before me, 'Bring me

some claret,' said I, for I was rather faint than hungry, and I felt ashamed to give a humbler order to so

welldressed an individual. The waiter looked at me for a moment; then, making a low bow, he bustled off,

and I sat myself down in the box nearest to the window. Presently the waiter returned, bearing beneath his left

arm a long bottle, and between the fingers of his right hand two large purple glasses; placing the latter on the

table, he produced a corkscrew, drew the cork in a twinkling, set the bottle down before me with a bang, and

then, standing still, appeared to watch my movements. You think I don't know how to drink a glass of claret,

thought I to myself. I'll soon show you how we drink claret where I come from; and, filling one of the glasses

to the brim, I flickered it for a moment between my eyes and the lustre, and then held it to my nose; having

given that organ full time to test the bouquet of the wine, I applied the glass to my lips, taking a large

mouthful of the wine, which I swallowed slowly and by degrees, that the palate might likewise have an

opportunity of performing its functions. A second mouthful I disposed of more summarily; then, placing the

empty glass upon the table, I fixed my eyes upon the bottle, and said nothing; whereupon the waiter, who

had been observing the whole process with considerable attention, made me a bow yet more low than before,

and, turning on his heel, retired with a smart chuck of his head, as much as to say, It is all right: the young

And when the waiter had retired I took a second glass of the wine, which I found excellent; and, observing a

newspaper lying near me, I took it up and began perusing it. It has been observed somewhere that people who

are in the habit of reading newspapers every day are not unfrequently struck with the excellence of style and

general talent which they display. Now, if that be the case, how must I have been surprised, who was reading

a newspaper for the first time, and that one of the best of the London journals! Yes, strange as it may seem, it

was nevertheless true that, up to the moment of which I am speaking, I had never read a newspaper of any

description. I of course had frequently seen journals, and even handled them; but, as for reading them, what

were they to me? I cared not for news. But here I was now with my claret before me, perusing, perhaps, the

best of all the London journals; it was not the , and I was astonished: an entirely new field of literature

appeared to be opened to my view. It was a discovery, but I confess rather an unpleasant one; for I said to

myself, If literary talent is so very common in London, that the journals, things which, as their very name

denotes, are ephemeral, are written in a style like the article I have been perusing, how can I hope to

distinguish myself in this big town, when, for the life of me, I don't think I could write anything half so clever

as what I have been reading? And then I laid down the paper, and fell into deep musing; rousing myself from

which, I took a glass of wine, and, pouring out another, began musing again. What I have been reading,

thought I, is certainly very clever and very talented; but talent and cleverness I think I have heard some one

say are very commonplace things, only fitted for everyday occasions. I question whether the man who wrote

the book I saw this day on the bridge was a clever man; but, after all, was he not something much better? I

don't think he could have written this article, but then he wrote the book which I saw on the bridge. Then, if

he could not have written the article on which I now hold my forefinger and I do not believe he could

why should I feel discouraged at the consciousness that I, too, could not write it? I certainly could no more

have written the article than he could; but then, like him, though I would not compare myself to the man who

wrote the book I saw upon the bridge, I think I could and here I emptied the glass of claret write

Thereupon I resumed the newspaper; and, as I was before struck with the fluency of style and the general

talent which it displayed, I was now equally so with its commonplaceness and want of originality on every

subject; and it was evident to me that, whatever advantage these newspaperwriters might have over me in

some points, they had never studied the Welsh bards, translated Kaempe Viser, or been under the pupilage of

And as I sat conning the newspaper three individuals entered the room, and seated themselves in the box at

the farther end of which I was. They were all three very well dressed; two of them elderly gentlemen, the

third a young man about my own age, or perhaps a year or two older: they called for coffee; and, after two or

three observations, the two eldest commenced a conversation in French, which, however, though they spoke

it fluently enough, I perceived at once was not their native language; the young man, however, took no part in

their conversation, and when they addressed a portion to him, which indeed was but rarely, merely replied by

a monosyllable. I have never been a listener, and I paid but little heed to their discourse, nor indeed to

themselves; as I occasionally looked up, however, I could perceive that the features of the young man, who

chanced to be seated exactly opposite to me, wore an air of constraint and vexation. This circumstance caused

me to observe him more particularly than I otherwise should have done: his features were handsome and

prepossessing; he had dark brown hair and a higharched forehead. After the lapse of half an hour, the two

elder individuals, having finished their coffee, called for the waiter, and then rose as if to depart, the young

man, however, still remaining seated in the box. The others, having reached the door, turned round, and,

finding that the youth did not follow them, one of them called to him with a tone of some authority;

whereupon the young man rose, and, pronouncing half audibly the word 'botheration,' rose and followed

them. I now observed that he was remarkably tall. All three left the house. In about ten minutes, finding

nothing more worth reading in the newspaper, I laid it down, and though the claret was not yet exhausted, I

was thinking of betaking myself to my lodgings, and was about to call the waiter, when I heard a step in the

passage, and in another moment the tall young man entered the room, advanced to the same box, and, sitting

down nearly opposite to me, again pronounced to himself, but more audibly than before, the same word.

'Yes,' said the young man, looking fixedly at me; 'but I am afraid we bring most of our troubles on our own

heads at least I can say so of myself,' he added, laughing. Then, after a pause, 'I beg pardon,' he said, 'but

'I am not of your country, sir; but I have an infinite veneration for your country, as Strap said to the French

'Ah, de tout mon coeur, as the parasite said to Gil Blas,' cried the young man, laughing. 'Here's to our better

And better acquainted we soon became; and I found that, in making the acquaintance of the young man, I had

indeed made a valuable acquisition; he was accomplished, highly connected, and bore the name of Francis

Ardry. Frank and ardent he was, and in a very little time had told me much that related to himself, and in

return I communicated a general outline of my own history; he listened with profound attention, but laughed

heartily when I told him some particulars of my visit in the morning to the publisher, whom he had frequently

'We shall soon see each other again,' said he, as we separated at the door of my lodging.

Dine with the publisher Religions No animal food Unprofitable discussions Principles of criticism

ON the Sunday I was punctual to my appointment to dine with the publisher. As I hurried along the square in

which his house stood, my thoughts were fixed so intently on the great man, that I passed by him without

seeing him. He had observed me, however, and joined me just as I was about to knock at the door. 'Let us

'Well,' said he, as we were walking in the square, 'what have you been doing since I last saw you?'

'I have been looking about London,' said I, 'and I have bought the DAIRYMAN'S DAUGHTER; here it is.'

'Pray put it up,' said the publisher; 'I don't want to look at such trash. Well, do you think you could write

'Because,' said I, 'the man who wrote it seems to be perfectly well acquainted with his subject; and, moreover,

'I am sorry for that,' said the publisher seriously, 'for he who sets up for an author ought to be acquainted not

only with religion, but religions, and indeed with all subjects, like my good friend in the country. It is well

that I have changed my mind about the DAIRYMAN'S DAUGHTER, or I really don't know whom I could

apply to on the subject at the present moment, unless to himself; and after all I question whether his style is

'I do not, sir; I have changed my mind, as I told you before; I wish to employ you in another line, but will

At dinner, beside the publisher and myself, were present his wife and son with his newlymarried bride; the

wife appeared a quiet respectable woman, and the young people looked very happy and good natured; not so

the publisher, who occasionally eyed both with contempt and dislike. Connected with this dinner there was

one thing remarkable; the publisher took no animal food, but contented himself with feeding voraciously on

'I do not, sir,' said he; 'I have forsworn it upwards of twenty years. In one respect, sir, I am a Brahmin. I abhor

'But,' said I, 'if the brutes were not killed, there would be such a superabundance of them, that the land would

'I do not think so, sir; few are killed in India, and yet there is plenty of room.'

'But,' said I, 'Nature intended that they should be destroyed, and the brutes themselves prey upon one another,

and it is well for themselves and the world that they do so. What would be the state of things if every insect,

'We will change the subject,' said the publisher; 'I have never been a friend of unprofitable discussions.'

I looked at the publisher with some surprise, I had not been accustomed to be spoken to so magisterially; his

countenance was dressed in a portentous frown, and his eye looked more sinister than ever; at that moment he

put me in mind of some of those despots of whom I had read in the history of Morocco, whose word was law.

He merely wants power, thought I to myself, to be a regular Muley Mehemet; and then I sighed, for I

The dinner over, the publisher nodded to his wife, who departed, followed by her daughterinlaw. The son

looked as if he would willingly have attended them; he, however, remained seated; and, a small decanter of

wine being placed on the table, the publisher filled two glasses, one of which he handed to myself, and the

other to his son; saying, 'Suppose you two drink to the success of the Review. I would join you,' said he,

addressing himself to me, 'but I drink no wine; if I am a Brahmin with respect to meat, I am a Mahometan

So the son and I drank success to the Review, and then the young man asked me various questions; for

example How I liked London? Whether I did not think it a very fine place? Whether I was at the play

the night before? and whether I was in the park that afternoon? He seemed preparing to ask me some more

questions; but, receiving a furious look from his father, he became silent, filled himself a glass of wine, drank

it off, looked at the table for about a minute, then got up, pushed back his chair, made me a bow, and left the

'Is that young gentleman, sir,' said I, 'well versed in the principles of criticism?'

'He is not, sir,' said the publisher; 'and, if I place him at the head of the Review ostensibly, I do it merely in

the hope of procuring him a maintenance; of the principle of a thing he knows nothing, except that the

principle of bread is wheat, and that the principle of that wine is grape. Will you take another glass?'

I looked at the decanter; but, not feeling altogether so sure as the publisher's son with respect to the principle

'No, sir,' said the publisher, adjusting himself in his chair, 'he knows nothing about criticism, and will have

nothing more to do with the reviewals than carrying about the books to those who have to review them; the

real conductor of the Review will be a widely different person, to whom I will, when convenient, introduce

you. And now we will talk of the matter which we touched upon before dinner: I told you then that I had

changed my mind with respect to you; I have been considering the state of the market, sir, the book market,

and I have come to the conclusion that, though you might be profitably employed upon evangelical novels,

you could earn more money for me, sir, and consequently for yourself, by a compilation of Newgate lives and

'Yes, sir,' said the publisher, 'Newgate lives and trials; and now, sir, I will briefly state to you the services

which I expect you to perform, and the terms which I am willing to grant. I expect you, sir, to compile six

volumes of Newgate lives and trials, each volume to contain by no manner of means less than one thousand

pages; the remuneration which you will receive when the work is completed will be fifty pounds, which is

likewise intended to cover any expenses you may incur in procuring books, papers, and manuscripts

necessary for the compilation. Such will be one of your employments, sir, such the terms. In the second

place, you will be expected to make yourself useful in the Review generally useful, sir doing whatever is

required of you; for it is not customary, at least with me, to permit writers, especially young writers, to

choose their subjects. In these two departments, sir, namely compilation and reviewing, I had yesterday, after

due consideration, determined upon employing you. I had intended to employ you no farther, sir at least for

the present; but, sir, this morning I received a letter from my valued friend in the country, in which he speaks

in terms of strong admiration (I don't overstate) of your German acquirements. Sir, he says that it would be a

thousand pities if your knowledge of the German language should be lost to the world, or even permitted to

sleep, and he entreats me to think of some plan by which it may be turned to account. Sir, I am at all times

willing, if possible, to oblige my worthy friend, and likewise to encourage merit and talent; I have, therefore,

'Sir,' said I, rubbing my hands, 'you are very kind, and so is our mutual friend; I shall be happy to make

myself useful in German; and if you think a good translation from Goethe his SORROWS for example, or

'Sir,' said the publisher, 'Goethe is a drug; his SORROWS are a drug, so is his FAUSTUS, more especially

the last, since that fool rendered him into English. No, sir, I do not want you to translate Goethe or anything

belonging to him; nor do I want you to translate anything from the German; what I want you to do, is to

translate into German. I am willing to encourage merit, sir; and, as my good friend in his last letter has

spoken very highly of your German acquirements, I have determined that you shall translate my book of

'Yes, sir; my book of philosophy into German. I am not a drug, sir, in Germany as Goethe is here, no more is

my book. I intend to print the translation at Leipzig, sir; and if it turns out a profitable speculation, as I make

no doubt it will, provided the translation be well executed, I will make you some remuneration. Sir, your

'Sir,' said the publisher, interrupting me, 'you have heard my intentions; I consider that you ought to feel

yourself highly gratified by my intentions towards you; it is not frequently that I deal with a writer, especially

a young writer, as I have done with you. And now, sir, permit me to inform you that I wish to be alone. This

is Sunday afternoon, sir; I never go to church, but I am in the habit of spending part of every Sunday

afternoon alone profitably I hope, sir in musing on the magnificence of nature and the moral dignity of

'WHAT can't be cured must be endured,' and 'it is hard to kick against the pricks.'

At the period to which I have brought my history, I bethought me of the proverbs with which I have headed

this chapter, and determined to act up to their spirit. I determined not to fly in the face of the publisher, and to

bear what I could not cure his arrogance and vanity. At present, at the conclusion of nearly a quarter of a

century, I am glad that I came to that determination, which I did my best to carry into effect.

Two or three days after our last interview, the publisher made his appearance in my apartment; he bore two

tattered volumes under his arm, which he placed on the table. 'I have brought you two volumes of lives, sir,'

said he, 'which I yesterday found in my garret; you will find them of service for your compilation. As I

always wish to behave liberally and encourage talent, especially youthful talent, I shall make no charge for

them, though I should be justified in so doing, as you are aware that, by our agreement, you are to provide

'Then, sir, I would advise you to lose no time in doing so; you must visit all the bookstalls, sir, especially

those in the by streets and blind alleys. It is in such places that you will find the description of literature you

are in want of. You must be up and doing, sir; it will not do for an author, especially a young author, to be

idle in this town. Tonight you will receive my book of philosophy, and likewise books for the Review. And,

by the bye, sir, it will be as well for you to review my book of philosophy for the Review; the other reviews

not having noticed it. Sir, before translating it, I wish you to review my book of philosophy for the Review.'

'Very good, sir; I should be unreasonable to expect anything beyond a person's best. And now, sir, if you

please, I will conduct you to the future editor of the Review. As you are to cooperate, sir, I deem it right to

The intended editor was a little old man, who sat in a kind of wooden pavilion in a small garden behind a

house in one of the purlieus of the city, composing tunes upon a piano. The walls of the pavilion were

covered with fiddles of various sizes and appearances, and a considerable portion of the floor occupied by a

pile of books all of one size. The publisher introduced him to me as a gentleman scarcely less eminent in

literature than in music, and me to him as an aspirant critic a young gentleman scarcely less eminent in

philosophy than in philology. The conversation consisted entirely of compliments till just before we

separated, when the future editor inquired of me whether I had ever read Quintilian; and, on my replying in

the negative, expressed his surprise that any gentleman should aspire to become a critic who had never read

Quintilian, with the comfortable information, however, that he could supply me with a Quintilian at

halfprice, that is, a translation made by himself some years previously, of which he had, pointing to the heap

on the floor, still a few copies remaining unsold. For some reason or other, perhaps a poor one, I did not

'Sir,' said the publisher, as we were returning from our visit to the editor, 'you did right in not purchasing a

drug. I am not prepared, sir, to say that Quintilian is a drug, never having seen him; but I am prepared to say

that man's translation is a drug, judging from the heap of rubbish on the floor; besides, sir, you will want any

loose money you may have to purchase the description of literature which is required for your compilation.'

The publisher presently paused before the entrance of a very forlornlooking street. 'Sir,' said he, after

looking down it with attention, 'I should not wonder if in that street you find works connected with the

description of literature which is required for your compilation. It is in streets of this description, sir, and

blind alleys, where such works are to be found. You had better search that street, sir, whilst I continue my

I searched the street to which the publisher had pointed, and, in the course of the three succeeding days, many

others of a similar kind. I did not find the description of literature alluded to by the publisher to be a drug,

but, on the contrary, both scarce and dear. I had expended much more than my loose money long before I

Francis Ardry Certain sharpers Brave and eloquent Opposites Flinging the bones Strange places

ONE evening I was visited by the tall young gentleman, Francis Ardry, whose acquaintance I had formed at

the coffeehouse. As it is necessary that the reader should know something more about this young man, who

will frequently appear in the course of these pages, I will state in a few words who and what he was. He was

born of an ancient Roman Catholic family in Ireland; his parents, whose only child he was, had long been

dead. His father, who had survived his mother several years, had been a spendthrift, and at his death had left

the family property considerably embarrassed. Happily, however, the son and the estate fell into the hands of

careful guardians, near relations of the family, by whom the property was managed to the best advantage, and

every means taken to educate the young man in a manner suitable to his expectations. At the age of sixteen he

was taken from a celebrated school in England at which he had been placed, and sent to a small French

university, in order that he might form an intimate and accurate acquaintance with the grand language of the

continent. There he continued three years, at the end of which he went under the care of a French abbe to

Germany and Italy. It was in this latter country that he first began to cause his guardians serious uneasiness.

He was in the heyday of youth when he visited Italy, and he entered wildly into the various delights of that

fascinating region, and, what was worse, falling into the hands of certain sharpers, not Italian, but English, he

was fleeced of considerable sums of money. The abbe, who, it seems, was an excellent individual of the old

French school, remonstrated with his pupil on his dissipation and extravagance; but, finding his

remonstrances vain, very properly informed the guardians of the manner of life of his charge. They were not

slow in commanding Francis Ardry home; and, as he was entirely in their power, he was forced to comply.

He had been about three months in London when I met him in the coffeeroom, and the two elderly

gentlemen in his company were his guardians. At this time they were very solicitous that he should choose

for himself a profession, offering to his choice either the army or law he was calculated to shine in either of

these professions for, like many others of his countrymen, he was brave and eloquent; but he did not wish

to shackle himself with a profession. As, however, his minority did not terminate till he was

threeandtwenty, of which age he wanted nearly two years, during which he would be entirely dependent on

his guardians, he deemed it expedient to conceal, to a certain degree, his sentiments, temporising with the old

gentlemen, with whom, notwithstanding his many irregularities, he was a great favourite, and at whose death

he expected to come into a yet greater property than that which he inherited from his parents.

Such is a brief account of Francis Ardry of my friend Francis Ardry; for the acquaintance, commenced in

the singular manner with which the reader is acquainted, speedily ripened into a friendship which endured

through many long years of separation, and which still endures certainly on my part, and on his if he lives;

And yet many people would have thought it impossible for our friendship to have lasted a week for in many

respects no two people could be more dissimilar. He was an Irishman I, an Englishman; he, fiery,

enthusiastic, and openhearted; I, neither fiery, enthusiastic, nor openhearted; he, fond of pleasure and

dissipation; I, of study and reflection. Yet it is of such dissimilar elements that the most lasting friendships

are formed: we do not like counterparts of ourselves. 'Two great talkers will not travel far together,' is a

Spanish saying; I will add, 'Nor two silent people'; we naturally love our opposites.

So Francis Ardry came to see me, and right glad I was to see him, for I had just flung my books and papers

aside, and was wishing for a little social converse; and when we had conversed for some little time together,

Francis Ardry proposed that we should go to the play to see Kean; so we went to the play, and saw not

Kean, who at that time was ashamed to show himself, but a man who was not ashamed to show himself,

and who people said was a much better man than Kean as I have no doubt he was though whether he was

Two or three evenings after Francis Ardry came to see me again, and again we went out together, and Francis

Ardry took me to shall I say? why not? a gaminghouse, where I saw people playing, and where I saw

Francis Ardry play and lose five guineas, and where I lost nothing, because I did not play, though I felt

somewhat inclined; for a man with a white hat and a sparkling eye held up a box which contained something

which rattled, and asked me to fling the bones. 'There is nothing like flinging the bones!' said he, and then I

thought I should like to know what kind of thing flinging the bones was; I, however, restrained myself. 'There

is nothing like flinging the bones!' shouted the man, as my friend and myself left the room.

Long life and prosperity to Francis Ardry! but for him I should not have obtained knowledge which I did of

the strange and eccentric places of London. Some of the places to which he took me were very strange places

indeed; but, however strange the places were, I observed that the inhabitants thought there were no places like

their several places, and no occupations like their several occupations; and among other strange places to

which Francis Ardry conducted me was a place not far from the abbey church of Westminster.

Before we entered this place our ears were greeted by a confused hubbub of human voices, squealing of rats,

barking of dogs, and the cries of various other animals. Here we beheld a kind of cockpit, around which a

great many people, seeming of all ranks, but chiefly of the lower, were gathered, and in it we saw a dog

destroy a great many rats in a very small period; and when the dog had destroyed the rats, we saw a fight

After the diversions of the day were over, my friend introduced me to the genius of the place, a small man of

about five feet high, with a very sharp countenance, and dressed in a brown jockey coat and top boots. 'Joey,'

said he, 'this is a friend of mine.' Joey nodded to me with a patronising air. 'Glad to see you, sir! want a

'We have a dog at home,' said I, 'in the country; but I can't say I should like to match him. Indeed, I do not

'I should think not; what is like it? A time will come, and that speedily, when folks will give up everything

'Religion! How you talk. Why, there's myself bred and born an Independent, and intended to be a preacher,

didn't I give up religion for dogfighting? Religion, indeed! If it were not for the rascally law, my pit would

fill better on Sundays than any other time. Who would go to church when they could come to my pit?

Religion! why, the parsons themselves come to my pit; and I have now a letter in my pocket from one of

'Politics! Why, the gemmen in the House would leave Pitt himself, if he were alive, to come to my pit. There

were three of the best of them here tonight, all great horators. Get on with you, what comes next?'

'Pretty things, truly, to keep people from dogfighting. Why, there's the young gentlemen from the Abbey

School comes here in shoals, leaving books, and letters, and masters too. To tell you the truth, I rather wish

they would mind their letters, for a more precious set of young blackguards I never seed. It was only the other

day I was thinking of calling in a constable for my own protection, for I thought my pit would have been torn

Scarcely knowing what to say, I made an observation at random. 'You show, by your own conduct,' said I,

'that there are other things worth following besides dogfighting. You practise rat catching and

'Your friend here,' said he, 'might well call you a new one. When I talks of dogfighting, I of course means

ratcatching, and badgerbaiting, ay, and bullbaiting too, just as when I speaks religiously, when I says one

I means not one but three. And talking of religion puts me in mind that I have something else to do besides

chaffing here, having a batch of dogs to send off by this night's packet to the Pope of Rome.'

But at last I had seen enough of what London had to show, whether strange or commonplace, so at least I

thought, and I ceased to accompany my friend in his rambles about town, and to partake of his adventures.

Our friendship, however, still continued unabated, though I saw, in consequence, less of him. I reflected that

time was passing on that the little money I had brought to town was fast consuming, and that I had nothing

to depend upon but my own exertions for a fresh supply; and I returned with redoubled application to my

Occupations Traduttore traditore Ode to the Mist Apple and pear Reviewing Current literature

Oxfordlike manner A plain story Illregulated mind Unsnuffed candle Strange dreams.

I COMPILED the Chronicles of Newgate; I reviewed books for the Review established on an entirely new

principle; and I occasionally tried my best to translate into German portions of the publisher's philosophy. In

this last task I experienced more than one difficulty. I was a tolerable German scholar, it is true, and I had

long been able to translate from German into English with considerable facility; but to translate from a

foreign language into your own is a widely different thing from translating from your own into a foreign

language; and, in my first attempt to render the publisher into German, I was conscious of making miserable

failures, from pure ignorance of German grammar; however, by the assistance of grammars and dictionaries,

and by extreme perseverance, I at length overcame all the difficulties connected with the German language.

But, alas! another difficulty remained, far greater than any connected with German a difficulty connected

with the language of the publisher the language which the great man employed in his writings was very

hard to understand; I say in his writings for his colloquial English was plain enough. Though not professing

to be a scholar, he was much addicted, when writing, to the use of Greek and Latin terms, not as other people

used them, but in a manner of his own, which set the authority of dictionaries at defiance; the consequence

was that I was sometimes utterly at a loss to understand the meaning of the publisher. Many a quarter of an

hour did I pass at this period, staring at periods of the publisher, and wondering what he could mean, but in

vain, till at last, with a shake of the head, I would snatch up the pen, and render the publisher literally into

German. Sometimes I was almost tempted to substitute something of my own for what the publisher had

written, but my conscience interposed; the awful words, Traduttore traditore, commenced ringing in my ears,

and I asked myself whether I should be acting honourably towards the publisher, who had committed to me

the delicate task of translating him into German; should I be acting honourably towards him, in making him

speak in German in a manner different from that in which he expressed himself in English? No, I could not

reconcile such conduct with any principle of honour; by substituting something of my own in lieu of these

mysterious passages of the publisher, I might be giving a fatal blow to his whole system of philosophy.

Besides, when translating into English, had I treated foreign authors in this manner? Had I treated the

minstrels of the Kaempe Viser in this manner? No. Had I treated Ab Gwilym in this manner? Even when

translating his Ode to the Mist, in which he is misty enough, had I attempted to make Ab Gwilym less misty?

No; on referring to my translation, I found that Ab Gwilym in my hands was quite as misty as in his own.

Then, seeing that I had not ventured to take liberties with people who had never put themselves into my

hands for the purpose of being rendered, how could I venture to substitute my own thoughts and ideas for the

publisher's, who had put himself into my hands for that purpose? Forbid it every proper feeling! so I told

the Germans, in the publisher's own way, the publisher's tale of an apple and a pear.

I at first felt much inclined to be of the publisher's opinion with respect to the theory of the pear. After all,

why should the earth be shaped like an apple, and not like a pear? it would certainly gain in appearance by

being shaped like a pear. A pear being a handsomer fruit than an apple, the publisher is probably right,

thought I, and I will say that he is right on this point in the notice which I am about to write of his publication

for the Review. And yet I don't know said I, after a long fit of musing I don't know but what there is more

to be said for the Oxford theory. The world may be shaped like a pear, but I don't know that it is; but one

thing I know, which is, that it does not taste like a pear; I have always liked pears, but I don't like the world.

The world to me tastes much more like an apple, and I have never liked apples. I will uphold the Oxford

theory besides, I am writing in an Oxford Review, and am in duty bound to uphold the Oxford theory. So in

my notice I asserted that the world was round; I quoted Scripture, and endeavoured to prove that the world

was typified by the apple in Scripture, both as to shape and properties. 'An apple is round,' said I, 'and the

world is round the apple is a sour, disagreeable fruit; and who has tasted much of the world without having

his teeth set on edge?' I, however, treated the publisher, upon the whole, in the most urbane and Oxfordlike

manner; complimenting him upon his style, acknowledging the general soundness of his views, and only

I did not like reviewing at all it was not to my taste; it was not in my way; I liked it far less than translating

the publisher's philosophy, for that was something in the line of one whom a competent judge had surnamed

Lavengro. I never could understand why reviews were instituted; works of merit do not require to be

reviewed, they can speak for themselves, and require no praising; works of no merit at all will die of

themselves, they require no killing. The Review to which I was attached was, as has been already intimated,

established on an entirely new plan; it professed to review all new publications, which certainly no Review

had ever professed to do before, other Reviews never pretending to review more than onetenth of the current

literature of the day. When I say it professed to review all new publications, I should add, which should be

sent to it; for, of course, the Review would not acknowledge the existence of publications, the authors of

which did not acknowledge the existence of the Review. I don't think, however, that the Review had much

cause to complain of being neglected; I have reason to believe that at least ninetenths of the publications of

the day were sent to the Review, and in due time reviewed. I had good opportunity of judging I was

connected with several departments of the Review, though more particularly with the poetical and

philosophic ones. An English translation of Kant's philosophy made its appearance on my table the day

before its publication. In my notice of this work I said that the English shortly hoped to give the Germans a

QUID PRO QUO. I believe at that time authors were much in the habit of publishing at their own expense.

All the poetry which I reviewed appeared to be published at the expense of the authors. If I am asked how I

comported myself, under all circumstances, as a reviewer I answer, I did not forget that I was connected

with a Review established on Oxford principles, the editor of which had translated Quintilian. All the

publications which fell under my notice I treated in a gentlemanly and Oxfordlike manner, no personalities

no vituperation no shabby insinuations; decorum, decorum was the order of the day. Occasionally a word

of admonition, but gently expressed, as an Oxford undergraduate might have expressed it, or master of arts.

How the authors whose publications were consigned to my colleagues were treated by them I know not; I

suppose they were treated in an urbane and Oxfordlike manner, but I cannot say; I did not read the reviewals

of my colleagues, I did not read my own after they were printed. I did not like reviewing.

Of all my occupations at this period I am free to confess I liked that of compiling the NEWGATE LIVES

AND TRIALS the best; that is, after I had surmounted a kind of prejudice which I originally entertained. The

trials were entertaining enough; but the lives how full were they of wild and racy adventures, and in what

racy, genuine language were they told! What struck me most with respect to these lives was the art which the

writers, whoever they were, possessed of telling a plain story. It is no easy thing to tell a story plainly and

distinctly by mouth; but to tell one on paper is difficult indeed, so many snares lie in the way. People are

afraid to put down what is common on paper, they seek to embellish their narratives, as they think, by

philosophic speculations and reflections; they are anxious to shine, and people who are anxious to shine can

never tell a plain story. 'So I went with them to a music booth, where they made me almost drunk with gin,

and began to talk their flash language, which I did not understand,' says, or is made to say, Henry Simms,

executed at Tyburn some seventy years before the time of which I am speaking. I have always looked upon

this sentence as a masterpiece of the narrative style, it is so concise and yet so very clear. As I gazed on

passages like this, and there were many nearly as good in the Newgate lives, I often sighed that it was not my

fortune to have to render these lives into German rather than the publisher's philosophy his tale of an apple

Mine was an illregulated mind at this period. As I read over the lives of these robbers and pickpockets,

strange doubts began to arise in my mind about virtue and crime. Years before, when quite a boy, as in one of

the early chapters I have hinted, I had been a necessitarian; I had even written an essay on crime (I have it

now before me, penned in a round boyish hand), in which I attempted to prove that there is no such thing as

crime or virtue, all our actions being the result of circumstances or necessity. These doubts were now again

reviving in my mind; I could not, for the life of me, imagine how, taking all circumstances into consideration,

these highwaymen, these pickpockets, should have been anything else than highwaymen and pickpockets;

any more than how, taking all circumstances into consideration, Bishop Latimer (the reader is aware that I

had read Foxe's BOOK OF MARTYRS) should have been anything else than Bishop Latimer. I had a very

My own peculiar ideas with respect to everything being a lying dream began also to revive. Sometimes at

midnight, after having toiled for hours at my occupations, I would fling myself back on my chair, look about

the poor apartment, dimly lighted by an unsnuffed candle, or upon the heaps of books and papers before me,

and exclaim, 'Do I exist? Do these things, which I think I see about me, exist, or do they not? Is not

everything a dream a deceitful dream? Is not this apartment a dream the furniture a dream? The publisher

a dream his philosophy a dream? Am I not myself a dream dreaming about translating a dream? I can't

see why all should not be a dream; what's the use of the reality?' And then I would pinch myself, and snuff

the burdened smoky light. 'I can't see, for the life of me, the use of all this; therefore why should I think that it

exists? If there was a chance, a probability, of all this tending to anything, I might believe; but ' and then I

would stare and think, and after some time shake my head and return again to my occupations for an hour or

two; and then I would perhaps shake, and shiver, and yawn, and look wistfully in the direction of my sleeping

apartment; and then, but not wistfully, at the papers and books before me; and sometimes I would return to

my papers and books; but oftener I would arise, and, after another yawn and shiver, take my light, and

They say that light fare begets light dreams; my fare at that time was light enough; but I had anything but

light dreams, for at that period I had all kind of strange and extravagant dreams, and amongst other things I

dreamt that the whole world had taken to dogfighting; and that I, myself, had taken to dogfighting, and that

in a vast circus I backed an English bulldog against the bloodhound of the Pope of Rome.

My brother Fits of crying Mayorelect The committee The Norman arch A word of Greek

ONE morning I arose somewhat later than usual, having been occupied during the greater part of the night

with my literary toil. On descending from my chamber into the sittingroom I found a person seated by the

fire, whose glance was directed sideways to the table, on which were the usual preparations for my morning's

meal. Forthwith I gave a cry, and sprang forward to embrace the person; for the person by the fire, whose

'And how are things going on at home?' said I to my brother, after we had kissed and embraced. 'How is my

'My mother, thank God, is tolerably well,' said my brother, 'but very much given to fits of crying. As for the

dog, he is not so well; but we will talk more of these matters anon,' said my brother, again glancing at the

breakfast things: 'I am very hungry, as you may suppose, after having travelled all night.'

Thereupon I exerted myself to the best of my ability to perform the duties of hospitality, and I made my

brother welcome I may say more than welcome; and, when the rage of my brother's hunger was somewhat

abated, we recommenced talking about the matters of our little family, and my brother told me much about

my mother; he spoke of her fits of crying, but said that of late the said fits of crying had much diminished,

and she appeared to be taking comfort; and, if I am not much mistaken, my brother told me that my mother

'The dog,' said my brother, 'is, I am afraid, in a very poor way; ever since the death he has done nothing but

pine and take on. A few months ago, you remember, he was as plump and fine as any dog in the town; but at

present he is little more than skin and bone. Once we lost him for two days, and never expected to see him

again, imagining that some mischance had befallen him; at length I found him where do you think?

'Very strange,' said I; 'but let us talk of something else. It was very kind of you to come and see me.'

'Oh, as for that matter, I did not come up to see you, though of course I am very glad to see you, having been

rather anxious about you, like my mother, who has received only one letter from you since your departure.

No, I did not come up on purpose to see you; but on quite a different account. You must know that the

corporation of our town have lately elected a new mayor, a person of many qualifications big and portly,

with a voice like Boanerges; a religious man, the possessor of an immense pew; loyal, so much so that I once

heard him say that he would at any time go three miles to hear any one sing "God save the King"; moreover,

a giver of excellent dinners. Such is our present mayor; who, owing to his loyalty, his religion, and a little,

perhaps, to his dinners, is a mighty favourite; so much so that the town is anxious to have his portrait painted

in a superior style, so that remote posterity may know what kind of man he was, the colour of his hair, his air

and gait. So a committee was formed some time ago, which is still sitting; that is, they dine with the mayor

every day to talk over the subject. A few days since, to my great surprise, they made their appearance in my

poor studio, and desired to be favoured with a sight of some of my paintings; well, I showed them some, and,

after looking at them with great attention, they went aside and whispered. "He'll do," I heard one say; "Yes,

he'll do," said another; and then they came to me, and one of them, a little man with a hump on his back, who

is a watchmaker, assumed the office of spokesman, and made a long speech (the old town has been always

celebrated for orators) in which he told me how much they had been pleased with my productions (the

old town has been always celebrated for its artistic taste) and, what do you think? offered me the painting

of the mayor's portrait, and a hundred pounds for my trouble. Well, of course I was much surprised, and for a

minute or two could scarcely speak; recovering myself, however, I made a speech, not so eloquent as that of

the watchmaker of course, being not so accustomed to speaking; but not so bad either, taking everything into

consideration, telling them how flattered I felt by the honour which they had conferred in proposing to me

such an undertaking; expressing, however, my fears that I was not competent to the task, and concluding by

saying what a pity it was that Crome was dead. "Crome," said the little man, "Crome; yes, he was a clever

man, a very clever man in his way; he was good at painting landscapes and farmhouses, but he would not do

in the present instance were he alive. He had no conception of the heroic, sir. We want some person capable

of representing our mayor striding under the Norman arch out of the cathedral." At the mention of the heroic

an idea came at once into my head. "Oh," said I, "if you are in quest of the heroic, I am glad that you came to

me; don't mistake me," I continued, "I do not mean to say that I could do justice to your subject, though I am

fond of the heroic; but I can introduce you to a great master of the heroic, fully competent to do justice to

your mayor. Not to me, therefore, be the painting of the picture given, but to a friend of mine, the great

master of the heroic, to the best, the strongest, [greek text which cannot be reproduced]" I added, for, being

'They gazed dubiously at me and at one another,' said my brother; 'at last the watchmaker asked me who this

Mr. Christo was; adding, that he had never heard of such a person; that, from my recommendation of him, he

had no doubt that he was a very clever man; but that they should like to know something more about him

before giving the commission to him. That he had heard of Christie the great auctioneer, who was considered

to be an excellent judge of pictures; but he supposed that I scarcely Whereupon, interrupting the

watchmaker, I told him that I alluded neither to Christo nor to Christie; but to the painter of Lazarus rising

from the grave, a painter under whom I had myself studied during some months that I had spent in London,

'"I have heard of him," said the watchmaker, "and his paintings too; but I am afraid that he is not exactly the

gentleman by whom our mayor would wish to be painted. I have heard say that he is not a very good friend to

Church and State. Come, young man," he added, "it appears to me that you are too modest; I like your style

of painting, so do we all, and why should I mince the matter? the money is to be collected in the town,

'Thereupon I made them a speech, in which I said that art had nothing to do with Church and State, at least

with English Church and State, which had never encouraged it; and that, though Church and State were

doubtless very fine things, a man might be a very good artist who cared not a straw for either. I then made use

of some more Greek words, and told them how painting was one of the Nine Muses, and one of the most

independent creatures alive, inspiring whom she pleased, and asking leave of nobody; that I should be quite

unworthy of the favours of the Muse if, on the present occasion, I did not recommend them a man whom I

considered to be a much greater master of the heroic than myself; and that, with regard to the money being

spent in the city, I had no doubt that they would not weigh for a moment such a consideration against the

chance of getting a true heroic picture for the city. I never talked so well in my life, and said so many

flattering things to the hunchback and his friends, that at last they said that I should have my own way; and

that if I pleased to go up to London, and bring down the painter of Lazarus to paint the mayor, I might; so

I made no answer, but looked in my brother's face. We then returned to the former subjects of conversation,

After some time my brother said, 'I will now go to the painter, and communicate to him the business which

has brought me to town; and, if you please, I will take you with me and introduce you to him.' Having

Painter of the heroic I'll go! A modest peep Who is this? A capital Pharaoh Disproportionably short

THE painter of the heroic resided a great way off, at the western end of the town. We had some difficulty in

obtaining admission to him; a maidservant, who opened the door, eyeing us somewhat suspiciously: it was

not until my brother had said that he was a friend of the painter that we were permitted to pass the threshold.

At length we were shown into the studio, where we found the painter, with an easel and brush, standing

before a huge piece of canvas, on which he had lately commenced painting a heroic picture. The painter

might be about thirtyfive years old; he had a clever, intelligent countenance, with a sharp gray eye his hair

was dark brown, and cut alaRafael, as I was subsequently told, that is, there was little before and much

behind he did not wear a neck cloth; but, in its stead, a black riband, so that his neck, which was rather

fine, was somewhat exposed he had a broad, muscular breast, and I make no doubt that he would have been

a very fine figure, but unfortunately his legs and thighs were somewhat short. He recognised my brother, and

Whereupon my brother gave him a brief account of his commission. At the mention of the hundred pounds, I

observed the eyes of the painter glisten. 'Really,' said he, when my brother had concluded, 'it was very kind to

think of me. I am not very fond of painting portraits; but a mayor is a mayor, and there is something grand in

that idea of the Norman arch. I'll go; moreover, I am just at this moment confoundedly in need of money, and

when you knocked at the door, I don't mind telling you, I thought it was some dun. I don't know how it is, but

in the capital they have no taste for the heroic, they will scarce look at a heroic picture; I am glad to hear that

Thereupon it was arranged between the painter and my brother that they should depart the next day but one;

they then began to talk of art. 'I'll stick to the heroic,' said the painter; 'I now and then dabble in the comic, but

what I do gives me no pleasure, the comic is so low; there is nothing like the heroic. I am engaged here on a

heroic picture,' said he, pointing to the canvas; 'the subject is "Pharaoh dismissing Moses from Egypt," after

the last plague the death of the firstborn; it is not far advanced that finished figure is Moses': they both

looked at the canvas, and I, standing behind, took a modest peep. The picture, as the painter said, was not far

advanced, the Pharaoh was merely in outline; my eye was, of course, attracted by the finished figure, or

rather what the painter had called the finished figure; but, as I gazed upon it, it appeared to me that there was

something defective something unsatisfactory in the figure. I concluded, however, that the painter,

notwithstanding what he had said, had omitted to give it the finishing touch. 'I intend this to be my best

picture,' said the painter; 'what I want now is a face for Pharaoh; I have long been meditating on a face for

Pharaoh.' Here, chancing to cast his eye upon my countenance, of whom he had scarcely taken any manner of

notice, he remained with his mouth open for some time. 'Who is this?' said he at last. 'Oh, this is my brother, I

We presently afterwards departed; my brother talked much about the painter. 'He is a noble fellow,' said my

brother; 'but, like many other noble fellows, has a great many enemies; he is hated by his brethren of the

brush all the land and water scape painters hate him but, above all, the race of portraitpainters, who are

ten times more numerous than the other two sorts, detest him for his heroic tendencies. It will be a kind of

triumph to the last, I fear, when they hear he has condescended to paint a portrait; however, that Norman arch

will enable him to escape from their malice that is a capital idea of the watchmaker, that Norman arch.'

I spent a happy day with my brother. On the morrow he went again to the painter, with whom he dined; I did

not go with him. On his return he said, 'The painter has been asking a great many questions about you, and

expressed a wish that you would sit to him as Pharaoh; he thinks you would make a capital Pharaoh.' 'I have

no wish to appear on canvas,' said I; 'moreover he can find much better Pharaohs than myself; and, if he

wants a real Pharaoh, there is a certain Mr. Petulengro.' 'Petulengro?' said my brother; 'a strange kind of

fellow came up to me some time ago in our town, and asked me about you; when I inquired his name, he told

me Petulengro. No, he will not do, he is too short; by the bye, do you not think that figure of Moses is

somewhat short?' And then it appeared to me that I had thought the figure of Moses somewhat short, and I

On the morrow my brother departed with the painter for the old town, and there the painter painted the

mayor. I did not see the picture for a great many years, when, chancing to be at the old town, I beheld it.

The original mayor was a mighty, portly man, with a bull's head, black hair, body like that of a dray horse,

and legs and thighs corresponding; a man six foot high at the least. To his bull's head, black hair, and body

the painter had done justice; there was one point, however, in which the portrait did not correspond with the

original the legs were disproportionably short, the painter having substituted his own legs for those of the

mayor, which when I perceived I rejoiced that I had not consented to be painted as Pharaoh, for, if I had, the

chances are that he would have served me in exactly a similar way as he had served Moses and the mayor.

Short legs in a heroic picture will never do; and, upon the whole, I think the painter's attempt at the heroic in

painting the mayor of the old town a decided failure. If I am now asked whether the picture would have been

a heroic one provided the painter had not substituted his own legs for those of the mayor I must say, I am

afraid not. I have no idea of making heroic pictures out of English mayors, even with the assistance of

Norman arches; yet I am sure that capital pictures might be made out of English mayors, not issuing from

Norman arches, but rather from the door of the 'Checquers' or the 'Brewers Three.' The painter in question

had great comic power, which he scarcely ever cultivated; he would fain be a Rafael, which he never could

be, when he might have been something quite as good another Hogarth; the only comic piece which he ever

presented to the world being something little inferior to the best of that illustrious master. I have often

thought what a capital picture might have been made by my brother's friend, if, instead of making the mayor

issue out of the Norman arch, he had painted him moving under the sign of the 'Checquers,' or the 'Three

Brewers,' with mace yes, with mace, the mace appears in the picture issuing out of the Norman arch

behind the mayor, but likewise with Snap, and with whiffler, quart pot, and fryingpan, Billy Blind and

Owlenglass, Mr. Petulengro and Pakomovna; then, had he clapped his own legs upon the mayor, or any one

else in the concourse, what matter? But I repeat that I have no hope of making heroic pictures out of English

mayors, or, indeed, out of English figures in general. England may be a land of heroic hearts, but it is not,

properly, a land of heroic figures, or heroic posturemaking. Italy . . . what was I going to say about Italy?

No authority whatever Interference Wondrous farrago Brandt and Struensee What a life! The

hearse Mortal relics Great poet Fashion and fame What a difference Oh, beautiful Good for

AND now once more to my pursuits, to my Lives and Trials. However partial at first I might be to these lives

and trials, it was not long before they became regular trials to me, owing to the whims and caprices of the

publisher. I had not been long connected with him before I discovered that he was wonderfully fond of

interfering with other people's business at least with the business of those who were under his control. What

a life did his unfortunate authors lead! He had many in his employ toiling at all kinds of subjects I call them

authors because there is something respectable in the term author, though they had little authorship in, and no

authority whatever over, the works on which they were engaged. It is true the publisher interfered with some

colour of reason, the plan of all and every of the works alluded to having originated with himself; and, be it

observed, many of his plans were highly clever and promising, for, as I have already had occasion to say, the

publisher in many points was a highly clever and sagacious person; but he ought to have been contented with

planning the works originally, and have left to other people the task of executing them, instead of which he

marred everything by his rage for interference. If a book of fairy tales was being compiled, he was sure to

introduce some of his philosophy, explaining the fairy tale by some theory of his own. Was a book of

anecdotes on hand, it was sure to be half filled with sayings and doings of himself during the time that he was

common councilman of the City of London. Now, however fond the public might be of fairy tales, it by no

means relished them in conjunction with the publisher's philosophy; and however fond of anecdotes in

general, or even of the publisher in particular for indeed there were a great many anecdotes in circulation

about him which the public both read and listened to very readily it took no pleasure in such anecdotes as

he was disposed to relate about himself. In the compilation of my Lives and Trials I was exposed to

incredible mortification, and ceaseless trouble, from this same rage for interference. It is true he could not

introduce his philosophy into the work, nor was it possible for him to introduce anecdotes of himself, having

never had the good or evil fortune to be tried at the bar; but he was continually introducing what, under a

less apathetic government than the one then being, would have infallibly subjected him, and perhaps myself,

to a trial, his politics; not his Oxford or pseudo politics, but the politics which he really entertained, and

which were of the most republican and violent kind. But this was not all; when about a moiety of the first

volume had been printed, he materially altered the plan of the work; it was no longer to be a collection of

mere Newgate lives and trials, but of lives and trials of criminals in general, foreign as well as domestic. In a

little time the work became a wondrous farrago, in which Konigsmark the robber figured by the side of Sam

Lynn, and the Marchioness de Brinvilliers was placed in contact with a Chinese outlaw. What gave me the

most trouble and annoyance was the publisher's remembering some life or trial, foreign or domestic, which he

wished to be inserted, and which I was forthwith to go in quest of and purchase at my own expense: some of

those lives and trials were by no means easy to find. 'Where is Brandt and Struensee?' cries the publisher; 'I

am sure I don't know,' I replied; whereupon the publisher falls to squealing like one of Joey's rats. 'Find me

up Brandt and Struensee by next morning, or ' 'Have you found Brandt and Struensee?' cried the publisher,

on my appearing before him next morning. 'No,' I reply, 'I can hear nothing about them'; whereupon the

publisher falls to bellowing like Joey's bull. By dint of incredible diligence, I at length discover the dingy

volume containing the lives and trials of the celebrated two who had brooded treason dangerous to the state

of Denmark. I purchase the dingy volume, and bring it in triumph to the publisher, the perspiration running

down my brow. The publisher takes the dingy volume in his hand, he examines it attentively, then puts it

down; his countenance is calm for a moment, almost benign. Another moment and there is a gleam in the

publisher's sinister eye; he snatches up the paper containing the names of the worthies which I have intended

shall figure in the forthcoming volumes he glances rapidly over it, and his countenance once more assumes

a terrific expression. 'How is this?' he exclaims; 'I can scarcely believe my eyes the most important life and

trial omitted to be found in the whole criminal record what gross, what utter negligence! Where's the life of

'What a life! what a dog's life!' I would frequently exclaim, after escaping from the presence of the publisher.

One day, after a scene with the publisher similar to that which I have described above, I found myself about

noon at the bottom of Oxford Street, where it forms a right angle with the road which leads or did lead to

Tottenham Court. Happening to cast my eyes around, it suddenly occurred to me that something uncommon

was expected; people were standing in groups on the pavement the upstair windows of the houses were

thronged with faces, especially those of women, and many of the shops were partly, and not a few entirely,

closed. What could be the reason of all this? All at once I bethought me that this street of Oxford was no

other than the farfamed Tyburn way. Oh, oh, thought I, an execution; some handsome young robber is about

to be executed at the farther end; just so, see how earnestly the women are peering; perhaps another Harry

Simms Gentleman Harry as they called him is about to be carted along this street to Tyburn tree; but then

I remembered that Tyburn tree had long since been cut down, and that criminals, whether young or old,

goodlooking or ugly, were executed before the big stone gaol, which I had looked at with a kind of shudder

during my short rambles in the City. What could be the matter? just then I heard various voices cry, 'There it

comes!' and all heads were turned up Oxford Street, down which a hearse was slowly coming: nearer and

nearer it drew; presently it was just opposite the place where I was standing, when, turning to the left, it

proceeded slowly along Tottenham Road; immediately behind the hearse were three or four mourning

coaches, full of people, some of whom, from the partial glimpse which I caught of them, appeared to be

foreigners; behind these came a very long train of splendid carriages, all of which, without one exception,

'Whose body is in that hearse?' said I to a dapperlooking individual, seemingly a shopkeeper, who stood

'The mortal relics of Lord Byron,' said the dapperlooking individual, mouthing his words and smirking

'the illustrious poet, which have been just brought from Greece, and are being conveyed to the family vault in

'Beyond all criticism,' said the dapper man; 'all we of the rising generation are under incalculable obligation

to Byron; I myself, in particular, have reason to say so; in all my correspondence my style is formed on the

I looked at the individual for a moment, who smiled and smirked to himself applause, and then I turned my

eyes upon the hearse proceeding slowly up the almost endless street. This man, this Byron, had for many

years past been the demigod of England, and his verses the daily food of those who read, from the peer to the

draper's assistant; all were admirers, or rather worshippers, of Byron, and all doated on his verses; and then I

thought of those who, with genius as high as his, or higher, had lived and died neglected. I thought of Milton

abandoned to poverty and blindness; of witty and ingenious Butler consigned to the tender mercies of bailiffs;

and starving Otway: they had lived neglected and despised, and, when they died, a few poor mourners only

had followed them to the grave; but this Byron had been made a half god of when living, and now that he was

dead he was followed by worshipping crowds, and the very sun seemed to come out on purpose to grace his

funeral. And, indeed, the sun, which for many days past had hidden its face in clouds, shone out that morn

with wonderful brilliancy, flaming upon the black hearse and its tall ostrich plumes, the mourning coaches,

Unhappy? yes, I had heard that he had been unhappy; that he had roamed about a fevered, distempered man,

taking pleasure in nothing that I had heard; but was it true? was he really unhappy? was not this

unhappiness assumed, with the view of increasing the interest which the world took in him? and yet who

could say? He might be unhappy, and with reason. Was he a real poet after all? might he not doubt himself?

might he not have a lurking consciousness that he was undeserving of the homage which he was receiving?

that it could not last? that he was rather at the top of fashion than of fame? He was a lordling, a glittering,

gorgeous lordling: and he might have had a consciousness that he owed much of his celebrity to being so; he

might have felt that he was rather at the top of fashion than of fame. Fashion soon changes, thought I, eagerly

to myself a time will come, and that speedily, when he will be no longer in the fashion; when this idiotic

admirer of his, who is still grinning at my side, shall have ceased to mould his style on Byron's; and this

aristocracy, squirearchy, and what not, who now send their empty carriages to pay respect to the fashionable

corpse, shall have transferred their empty worship to some other animate or inanimate thing. Well, perhaps

after all it was better to have been mighty Milton in his poverty and blindness witty and ingenious Butler

consigned to the tender mercies of bailiffs, and starving Otway; they might enjoy more real pleasure than this

lordling; they must have been aware that the world would one day do them justice fame after death is better

than the top of fashion in life. They have left a fame behind them which shall never die, whilst this lordling

a time will come when he will be out of fashion and forgotten. And yet I don't know; didn't he write Childe

Harold and that ode? Yes, he wrote Childe Harold and that ode. Then a time will scarcely come when he will

be forgotten. Lords, squires, and cockneys may pass away, but a time will scarcely come when Childe Harold

and that ode will be forgotten. He was a poet, after all, and he must have known it; a real poet, equal to to

what a destiny! Rank, beauty, fashion, immortality, he could not be unhappy; what a difference in the fate

'Great poet, sir,' said the dapper man, turning away too, 'but unhappy fate of genius, sir; I, too, am

'They are looking after the hearse which is carrying the remains of Byron up Tottenham Road.'

'I have seen the man,' said my friend, as he turned back the way he had come, 'so I can dispense with seeing

'Yes,' said I, 'a great poet, it must be so, everybody says so what a destiny! What a difference in the fate of

'Why, I can't say he looked very unhappy; I saw him with two . . . very fair ladies; but what is it to you

whether the man was unhappy or not? Come, where shall we go to Joey's? His hugest bear '

'Then come to Joey's, three dogs are to be launched at his bear: as they pin him, imagine him to be the

London Bridge Why not? Every heart has its bitters Wicked boys Give me my book Such a fright

SO I went to London Bridge, and again took my station on the spot by the booth where I had stood on the

former occasion. The booth, however, was empty; neither the applewoman nor her stall was to be seen. I

looked over the balustrade upon the river; the tide was now, as before, rolling beneath the arch with frightful

impetuosity. As I gazed upon the eddies of the whirlpool, I thought within myself how soon human life

would become extinct there; a plunge, a convulsive flounder, and all would be over. When I last stood over

that abyss I had felt a kind of impulse a fascination; I had resisted it I did not plunge into it. At present I

felt a kind of impulse to plunge; but the impulse was of a different kind; it proceeded from a loathing of life, I

looked wistfully at the eddies what had I to live for? what, indeed! I thought of Brandt and Struensee, and

Yeoman Patch should I yield to the impulse why not? My eyes were fixed on the eddies. All of a sudden I

shuddered; I thought I saw heads in the pool; human bodies wallowing confusedly; eyes turned up to heaven

with hopeless horror; was that water or ? Where was the impulse now? I raised my eyes from the pool, I

looked no more upon it I looked forward, far down the stream in the far distance. 'Ha! what is that? I

thought I saw a kind of Fata Morgana, green meadows, waving groves, a rustic home; but in the far distance

I left the balustrade and walked to the farther end of the bridge, where I stood for some time contemplating

the crowd; I then passed over to the other side with an intention of returning home; just halfway over the

bridge, in a booth immediately opposite to the one in which I had formerly beheld her, sat my friend, the old

'Well, mother,' said I, 'how are you?' The old woman lifted her head with a startled look.

'Yes, I think I do. Ah, yes,' said she, as her features beamed with recollection, 'I know you, dear; you are the

'Ah, I suppose they caught ye; well, child, never mind, better luck next time; I am glad to see you.'

'Thank you,' said I, sitting down on the stone bench; 'I thought you had left the bridge why have you

'No, child, no; nothing about my son. Only low, child every heart has its bitters.'

'That's true,' said I; 'well, I don't want to know your sorrows; come, where's the book?'

The applewoman shook more violently than before, bent herself down, and drew her cloak more closely

'Not I, I care nothing about it; keep it, if you like, only tell me what's the matter?'

'Why, some wicked boys. I'll tell you all about it. Eight or ten days ago, I sat behind my stall, reading my

book; all of a sudden I felt it snatched from my hand, up I started, and see three rascals of boys grinning at

me; one of them held the book in his hand. "What book is this?" said he, grinning at it. "What do you want

with my book?" said I, clutching at it over my stall; "give me my book." "What do you want a book for?" said

he, holding it back; "I have a good mind to fling it into the Thames." "Give me my book," I shrieked; and,

snatching at it, I fell over my stall, and all my fruit was scattered about. Off ran the boys off ran the rascal

with my book. Oh dear, I thought I should have died; up I got, however, and ran after them as well as I could;

I thought of my fruit, but I thought more of my book. I left my fruit and ran after my book. "My book! my

book!" I shrieked, "murder! theft! robbery!" I was near being crushed under the wheels of a cart; but I didn't

care I followed the rascals. "Stop them! stop them!" I ran nearly as fast as they they couldn't run very fast

on account of the crowd. At last some one stopped the rascal, whereupon he turned round, and flinging the

book at me, it fell into the mud; well, I picked it up and kissed it, all muddy as it was. "Has he robbed you?"

said the man. "Robbed me, indeed; why he had got my book." "Oh, your book," said the man, and laughed,

'My heart beats so. Well, I went back to my booth and picked up my stall and my fruits, what I could find of

them. I couldn't keep my stall for two days I got such a fright, and when I got round I couldn't bide the booth

where the thing had happened, so I came over to the other side. Oh, the rascals, if I could but see them

'I thought you didn't dislike stealing, that you were ready to buy things there was your son, you know '

'No, that's quite a different thing; what's stealing handkerchiefs, and that kind of thing, to do with taking my

'Do you, dear? well, bless your heart, I'm glad you do. Would you like to look at the book?'

'Well then, dear, here it is,' said she, taking it from under her cloak; 'read it as long as you like, only get a

I went deep into the booth, and the applewoman, bringing her chair round, almost confronted me. I

commenced reading the book, and was soon engrossed by it; hours passed away, once or twice I lifted up my

eyes, the applewoman was still confronting me: at last my eyes began to ache, whereupon I returned the

Decease of the Review Homer himself Bread and cheese Finger and thumb Impossible to find

TIME passed away, and with it the Review, which, contrary to the publisher's expectation, did not prove a

successful speculation. About four months after the period of its birth it expired, as all Reviews must for

which there is no demand. Authors had ceased to send their publications to it, and, consequently, to purchase

it; for I have already hinted that it was almost entirely supported by authors of a particular class, who

expected to see their publications foredoomed to immortality in its pages. The behaviour of these authors

towards this unfortunate publication I can attribute to no other cause than to a report which was industriously

circulated, namely, that the Review was low, and that to be reviewed in it was an infallible sign that one was

a low person, who could be reviewed nowhere else. So authors took fright; and no wonder, for it will never

do for an author to be considered low. Homer himself has never yet entirely recovered from the injury he

received by Lord Chesterfield's remark that the speeches of his heroes were frequently exceedingly low.

So the Review ceased, and the reviewing corps no longer existed as such; they forthwith returned to their

proper avocations the editor to compose tunes on his piano, and to the task of disposing of the remaining

copies of his Quintilian the inferior members to working for the publisher, being to a man dependants of

his; one, to composing fairy tales; another, to collecting miracles of Popish saints; and a third, Newgate lives

and trials. Owing to the bad success of the Review, the publisher became more furious than ever. My money

was growing short, and I one day asked him to pay me for my labours in the deceased publication.

'Merely to live on,' I replied; 'it is very difficult to live in this town without money.'

'Sir,' said the publisher, 'I believe you to be extravagant; yes, sir, extravagant!'

'So I do, sir, when I am disposed to indulge; but I cannot often afford it it is very expensive to dine on bread

and cheese, especially when one is fond of cheese, as I am. My last bread and cheese dinner cost me

fourteenpence. There is drink, sir; with bread and cheese one must drink porter, sir.'

'Then, sir, eat bread bread alone. As good men as yourself have eaten bread alone; they have been glad to

get it, sir. If with bread and cheese you must drink porter, sir, with bread alone you can, perhaps, drink water,

However, I got paid at last for my writings in the Review, not, it is true, in the current coin of the realm, but

in certain bills; there were two of them, one payable at twelve, and the other at eighteen months after date. It

was a long time before I could turn these bills to any account; at last I found a person who, at a discount of

only thirty per cent, consented to cash them; not, however, without sundry grimaces, and, what was still more

galling, holding, more than once, the unfortunate papers high in air between his forefinger and thumb. So ill,

indeed, did I like this last action, that I felt much inclined to snatch them away. I restrained myself, however,

for I remembered that it was very difficult to live without money, and that, if the present person did not

But if the treatment which I had experienced from the publisher, previous to making this demand upon him,

was difficult to bear, that which I subsequently underwent was far more so: his great delight seemed to

consist in causing me misery and mortification; if, on former occasions, he was continually sending me in

quest of lives and trials difficult to find, he now was continually demanding lives and trials which it was

impossible to find; the personages whom he mentioned never having lived, nor consequently been tried.

Moreover, some of my best lives and trials which I had corrected and edited with particular care, and on

which I prided myself no little, he caused to be cancelled after they had passed through the press. Amongst

these was the life of 'Gentleman Harry.' 'They are drugs, sir,' said the publisher, 'drugs; that life of Harry

Taggart made no answer save by taking a pinch of snuff. The reader, has, I hope, not forgotten Taggart,

whom I mentioned whilst giving an account of my first morning's visit to the publisher. I beg Taggart's

pardon for having been so long silent about him; but he was a very silent man yet there was much in

'Well, young gentleman,' said Taggart to me one morning, when we chanced to be alone a few days after the

'Shall I help you out?' said Taggart, turning round his chair, and looking at me.

'To write something grand,' said Taggart, taking snuff; 'to be stared at lifted on people's shoulders '

'In many there is nothing like it to get a man through; but for snuff I should scarcely be where I am now.'

'Dear me,' said I; 'and snuff brought you through? Give me a pinch pah, I don't like it,' and I sneezed.

'If published, would do me credit. I'll make an effort, and offer them to some other publisher.'

Francis Ardry That won't do, sir Observe my gestures I think you improve Better than politics

Delightful young Frenchwoman A burning shame Magnificent impudence Paunch Voltaire Lump

OCCASIONALLY I called on Francis Ardry. This young gentleman resided in handsome apartments in the

neighbourhood of a fashionable square, kept a livery servant, and, upon the whole, lived in very good style.

Going to see him one day, between one and two, I was informed by the servant that his master was engaged

for the moment, but that, if I pleased to wait a few minutes, I should find him at liberty. Having told the man

that I had no objection, he conducted me into a small apartment which served as antechamber to a

drawingroom; the door of this last being half open, I could see Francis Ardry at the farther end, speechifying

and gesticulating in a very impressive manner. The servant, in some confusion, was hastening to close the

door; but, ere he could effect his purpose, Francis Ardry, who had caught a glimpse of me, exclaimed, 'Come

in come in by all means'; and then proceeded, as before, speechifying and gesticulating. Filled with some

On entering the room I perceived another individual, to whom Francis Ardry appeared to be addressing

himself; this other was a short spare man of about sixty; his hair was of badger gray, and his face was covered

with wrinkles without vouchsafing me a look, he kept his eye, which was black and lustrous, fixed full on

Francis Ardry, as if paying the deepest attention to his discourse. All of a sudden, however, he cried with a

sharp, cracked voice, 'That won't do, sir; that won't do more vehemence your argument is at present

particularly weak; therefore, more vehemence you must confuse them, stun them, stultify them, sir'; and, at

each of these injunctions, he struck the back of his right hand sharply against the palm of the left. 'Good, sir

good!' he occasionally uttered, in the same sharp, cracked tone, as the voice of Francis Ardry became more

and more vehement. 'Infinitely good!' he exclaimed, as Francis Ardry raised his voice to the highest pitch;

'and now, sir, abate; let the tempest of vehemence decline gradually, sir; not too fast. Good, sir very

good!' as the voice of Francis Ardry declined gradually in vehemence. 'And now a little pathos, sir try them

with a little pathos. That won't do, sir that won't do,' as Francis Ardry made an attempt to become

pathetic, 'that will never pass for pathos with tones and gesture of that description you will never redress

the wrongs of your country. Now, sir, observe my gestures, and pay attention to the tone of my voice, sir.'

Thereupon, making use of nearly the same terms which Francis Ardry had employed, the individual in black

uttered several sentences in tones and with gestures which were intended to express a considerable degree of

pathos, though it is possible that some people would have thought both the one and the other highly

ludicrous. After a pause, Francis Ardry recommenced imitating the tones and the gestures of his monitor in

the most admirable manner. Before he had proceeded far, however, he burst into a fit of laughter, in which I

should, perhaps, have joined, provided it were ever my wont to laugh. 'Ha, ha!' said the other,

goodhumouredly, 'you are laughing at me. Well, well, I merely wished to give you a hint; but you saw very

well what I meant; upon the whole I think you improve. But I must now go, having two other pupils to visit

Then taking from the table a kind of threecornered hat, and a cane headed with amber, he shook Francis

Ardry by the hand; and, after glancing at me for a moment, made me a half bow, attended with a strange

'Oh, that is ' said Frank, smiling, 'the gentleman who gives me lessons in elocution.'

'Oh, I merely obey the commands of my guardians,' said Francis, 'who insist that I should, with the assistance

of , qualify myself for Parliament; for which they do me the honour to suppose that I have some natural

talent. I dare not disobey them; for, at the present moment, I have particular reasons for wishing to keep on

'But,' said I, 'you are a Roman Catholic; and I thought that persons of your religion were excluded from

'Why, upon that very thing the whole matter hinges; people of our religion are determined to be no longer

excluded from Parliament, but to have a share in the government of the nation. Not that I care anything about

the matter; I merely obey the will of my guardians; my thoughts are fixed on something better than politics.'

'I understand you,' said I; 'dogfighting well, I can easily conceive that to some minds dogfighting '

'No,' said Francis Ardry, 'something higher and much more rational than dogfighting at present occupies my

'Dear me,' said I, 'I thought I had heard you say that there was nothing like it!'

'Pooh,' said Francis Ardry; 'who but the gross and unrefined care anything for dogfighting? That which at

present engages my waking and sleeping thoughts is love divine love there is nothing like THAT. Listen

And then Francis Ardry proceeded to make me his confidant. It appeared that he had had the good fortune to

make the acquaintance of the most delightful young Frenchwoman imaginable, Annette La Noire by name,

who had just arrived from her native country with the intention of obtaining the situation of governess in

some English family; a position which, on account of her many accomplishments, she was eminently

qualified to fill. Francis Ardry had, however, persuaded her to relinquish her intention for the present, on the

ground that, until she had become acclimated in England, her health would probably suffer from the

confinement inseparable from the occupation in which she was desirous of engaging; he had, moreover for

it appeared that she was the most frank and confiding creature in the world succeeded in persuading her to

permit him to hire for her a very handsome first floor in his own neighbourhood, and to accept a few

inconsiderable presents in money and jewellery. 'I am looking out for a handsome gig and horse,' said Francis

Ardry, at the conclusion of his narration; 'it were a burning shame that so divine a creature should have to go

'But,' said I, 'will not the pursuit of politics prevent your devoting much time to this fair lady?'

'It will prevent me devoting all my time,' said Francis Ardry, 'as I gladly would; but what can I do? My

guardians wish me to qualify myself for a political orator, and I dare not offend them by a refusal. If I offend

my guardians, I should find it impossible unless I have recourse to Jews and moneylenders to support

Annette; present her with articles of dress and jewellery, and purchase a horse and cabriolet worthy of

After a pause, in which Francis Ardry appeared lost in thought, his mind being probably occupied with the

subject of Annette, I broke silence by observing, 'So your fellowreligionists are really going to make a

'Yes,' said Francis Ardry, starting from his reverie; 'everything has been arranged; even a leader has been

chosen, at least for us of Ireland, upon the whole the most suitable man in the world for the occasion a

barrister of considerable talent, mighty voice, and magnificent impudence. With emancipation, liberty, and

redress for the wrongs of Ireland in his mouth, he is to force his way into the British House of Commons,

dragging myself and others behind him he will succeed, and when he is in he will cut a figure; I have heard

'Who but he?' said Francis Ardry; 'no one questions his judgment concerning what relates to elocution. His

fame on that point is so well established, that the greatest orators do not disdain occasionally to consult him;

C himself, as I have been told, when anxious to produce any particular effect in the House, is in the habit of

'Chiefly the latter,' said Francis Ardry, 'though he is competent to give advice as to both, for he has been an

orator in his day, and a leader of the people; though he confessed to me that he was not exactly qualified to

'It is not always indispensable,' said I; 'there is an orator in my town, a hunchback and watchmaker, without

it, who not only leads the people, but the mayor too; perhaps he has a succedaneum in his hunch: but, tell me,

'Well,' said I, 'whatever his qualifications may be, I wish him success in the cause which he has taken up I

'We shall succeed,' said Francis Ardry; 'John Bull upon the whole is rather indifferent on the subject, and then

we are sure to be backed by the Radical party, who, to gratify their political prejudices, would join with Satan

'There is one thing,' said I, 'connected with this matter which surprises me your own lukewarmness. Yes,

making every allowance for your natural predilection for dogfighting, and your present enamoured state of

mind, your apathy at the commencement of such a movement is to me unaccountable.'

'You would not have cause to complain of my indifference,' said Frank, 'provided I thought my country

would be benefited by this movement; but I happen to know the origin of it. The priests are the originators,

'and what country was ever benefited by a movement which owed its origin to them?' so says Voltaire, a page

of whom I occasionally read. By the present move they hope to increase their influence, and to further certain

designs which they entertain both with regard to this country and Ireland. I do not speak rashly or

unadvisedly. A strange fellow a halfItalian, halfEnglish priest, who was recommended to me by my

guardians, partly as a spiritual, partly as a temporal guide, has let me into a secret or two; he is fond of a glass

of gin and water and over a glass of gin and water cold, with a lump of sugar in it, he has been more

communicative, perhaps, than was altogether prudent. Were I my own master, I would kick him, politics, and

religious movements, to a considerable distance. And now, if you are going away, do so quickly; I have an

BY the month of October I had, in spite of all difficulties and obstacles, accomplished about twothirds of

the principal task which I had undertaken, the compiling of the Newgate lives; I had also made some progress

in translating the publisher's philosophy into German. But about this time I began to see very clearly that it

was impossible that our connection should prove of long duration; yet, in the event of my leaving the big

man, what other resource had I another publisher? But what had I to offer? There were my ballads, my Ab

Gwilym, but then I thought of Taggart and his snuff, his pinch of snuff. However, I determined to see what

could be done, so I took my ballads under my arm, and went to various publishers; some took snuff, others

did not, but none took my ballads or Ab Gwilym, they would not even look at them. One asked me if I had

anything else he was a snufftaker I said yes; and going home, returned with my translation of the

German novel, to which I have before alluded. After keeping it for a fortnight, he returned it to me on my

visiting him, and, taking a pinch of snuff, told me it would not do. There were marks of snuff on the outside

of the manuscript, which was a roll of paper bound with red tape, but there were no marks of snuff on the

I had often heard of one Glorious John, who lived at the western end of the town; on consulting Taggart, he

told me that it was possible that Glorious John would publish my ballads and Ab Gwilym, that is, said he,

taking a pinch of snuff, provided you can see him; so I went to the house where Glorious John resided, and a

glorious house it was, but I could not see Glorious John I called a dozen times, but I never could see

Glorious John. Twenty years after, by the greatest chance in the world, I saw Glorious John, and sure enough

Glorious John published my books, but they were different books from the first; I never offered my ballads or

Ab Gwilym to Glorious John. Glorious John was no snufftaker. He asked me to dinner, and treated me with

superb Rhenish wine. Glorious John is now gone to his rest, but I what was I going to say? the world will

So I returned to my last resource for the time then being to the publisher, persevering doggedly in my

labour. One day, on visiting the publisher, I found him stamping with fury upon certain fragments of paper.

'Sir,' said he, 'you know nothing of German; I have shown your translation of the first chapter of my

Philosophy to several Germans: it is utterly unintelligible to them.' 'Did they see the Philosophy?' I replied.

'They did, sir, but they did not profess to understand English.' 'No more do I,' I replied, 'if that Philosophy be

The publisher was furious I was silent. For want of a pinch of snuff, I had recourse to something which is

no bad substitute for a pinch of snuff, to those who can't take it, silent contempt; at first it made the publisher

more furious, as perhaps a pinch of snuff would; it, however, eventually calmed him, and he ordered me back

to my occupations, in other words, the compilation. To be brief, the compilation was completed, I got paid in

The old spot A long history Thou shalt not steal No harm Education Necessity Foam on your lip

IT was past midwinter, and I sat on London Bridge, in company with the old applewoman: she had just

returned to the other side of the bridge, to her place in the booth where I had originally found her. This she

had done after frequent conversations with me; 'she liked the old place best,' she said, which she would never

have left but for the terror which she experienced when the boys ran away with her book. So I sat with her at

the old spot, one afternoon past midwinter, reading the book, of which I had by this time come to the last

pages. I had observed that the old woman for some time past had shown much less anxiety about the book

than she had been in the habit of doing. I was, however, not quite prepared for her offering to make me a

present of it, which she did that afternoon; when, having finished it, I returned it to her, with many thanks for

the pleasure and instruction I had derived from its perusal. 'You may keep it, dear,' said the old woman, with

Looking at the old woman with surprise, I exclaimed, 'Is it possible that you are willing to part with the book

Whereupon the old woman entered into a long history, from which I gathered that the book had become

distasteful to her; she hardly ever opened it of late, she said, or if she did, it was only to shut it again; also,

that other things which she had been fond of, though of a widely different kind, were now distasteful to her.

Porter and beefsteaks were no longer grateful to her palate, her present diet chiefly consisting of tea, and

'Ah,' said I, 'you have been ill, and when people are ill, they seldom like the things which give them pleasure

when they are in health.' I learned, moreover, that she slept little at night, and had all kinds of strange

thoughts; that as she lay awake many things connected with her youth, which she had quite forgotten, came

into her mind. There were certain words that came into her mind the night before the last, which were

continually humming in her ears: I found that the words were, 'Thou shalt not steal.'

On inquiring where she had first heard these words, I learned that she had read them at school, in a book

called the primer; to this school she had been sent by her mother, who was a poor widow, and followed the

trade of appleselling in the very spot where her daughter followed it now. It seems that the mother was a

very good kind of woman, but quite ignorant of letters, the benefit of which she was willing to procure for her

child; and at the school the daughter learned to read, and subsequently experienced the pleasure and benefit

of letters, in being able to read the book which she found in an obscure closet of her mother's house, and

But, as I have said before, she was now dissatisfied with the book, and with most other things in which she

had taken pleasure; she dwelt much on the words, 'Thou shalt not steal'; she had never stolen things herself,

but then she had bought things which other people had stolen, and which she knew had been stolen; and her

dear son had been a thief, which he perhaps would not have been but for the example which she set him in

On inquiring how she had become acquainted with these characters, I learned that times had gone hard with

her; that she had married, but her husband had died after a long sickness, which had reduced them to great

distress; that her fruit trade was not a profitable one, and that she had bought and sold things which had been

stolen to support herself and her son. That for a long time she supposed there was no harm in doing so, as her

book was full of entertaining tales of stealing; but she now thought that the book was a bad book, and that

learning to read was a bad thing; her mother had never been able to read, but had died in peace, though poor.

So here was a woman who attributed the vices and follies of her life to being able to read; her mother, she

said, who could not read, lived respectably, and died in peace; and what was the essential difference between

the mother and daughter, save that the latter could read? But for her literature she might in all probability

have lived respectably and honestly, like her mother, and might eventually have died in peace, which at

present she could scarcely hope to do. Education had failed to produce any good in this poor woman; on the

contrary, there could be little doubt that she had been injured by it. Then was education a bad thing?

Rousseau was of opinion that it was; but Rousseau was a Frenchman, at least wrote in French, and I cared not

the snap of my fingers for Rousseau. But education has certainly been of benefit in some instances; well,

what did that prove, but that partiality existed in the management of the affairs of the world if education

was a benefit to some, why was it not a benefit to others? Could some avoid abusing it, any more than others

could avoid turning it to a profitable account? I did not see how they could; this poor simple woman found a

book in her mother's closet; a book, which was a capital book for those who could turn it to the account for

which it was intended; a book, from the perusal of which I felt myself wiser and better, but which was by no

means suited to the intellect of this poor simple woman, who thought that it was written in praise of thieving;

yet she found it, she read it, and and I felt myself getting into a maze; what is right, thought I? what is

wrong? Do I exist? Does the world exist? if it does, every action is bound up with necessity.

'You talk like a fool,' said I, 'riches and poverty are only different forms of necessity.'

'You should not call me a fool, dear; you should not call your own mother a fool.'

'Not your mother, dear? no, no more I am; but your calling me fool put me in mind of my dear son, who

often used to call me fool and you just now looked as he sometimes did, with a blob of foam on your lip.'

'How should I make it out? who can speak from his own knowledge as to the circumstances of his birth?

Besides, before attempting to establish our relationship, it would be necessary to prove that such people

'Don't abuse it,' said I; 'the book is an excellent one, that is, provided it exists.'

'I wish it did not,' said the old woman; 'but it shan't long; I'll burn it, or fling it into the river the voices at

'Tell the voices,' said I, 'that they talk nonsense; the book, if it exists, is a good book, it contains a deep moral;

'All the funny parts, dear; all about taking things, and the manner it was done; as for the rest, I could not

'Then the book is not to blame; I repeat that the book is a good book, and contains deep morality, always

supposing that there is such a thing as morality, which is the same thing as supposing that there is anything at

'Anything at all! Why ain't we here on this bridge, in my booth, with my stall and my '

'Apples and pears, baked hot, you would say I don't know; all is a mystery, a deep question. It is a question,

and probably always will be, whether there is a world, and consequently apples and pears; and, provided

'I won't; we will suppose that we all exist world, ourselves, apples, and pears: so you wish to get rid of the

'I have read it, and have no farther use for it; I do not need books: in a little time, perhaps, I shall not have a

'Don't do that; here, give it me. Now what shall I do with it? you were so fond of it.'

'I wish I had never learned to read, or, if I had, that I had only read the books I saw at school: the primer or

'True, true I don't know what to say; but if the world be true, and not all a lie, a fiction, I don't see why the

Bible, as they call it, should not be true. By the bye, what do you call Bible in your tongue, or, indeed, book

'The language of those who DID, dear; they bring them now no longer. They call me fool, as you did, dear,

just now; they call kissing the Bible, which means taking a false oath, smacking calf skin.'

'That's metaphor,' said I; 'English, but metaphorical; what an odd language! So you would like to have a

'No, dear, no; you are poor, and may soon want the money; but if you can take me one conveniently on the

sly, you know I think you may, for, as it is a good book, I suppose there can be no harm in taking it.'

'That will never do,' said I, 'more especially as I should be sure to be caught, not having made taking of things

my trade; but I'll tell you what I'll do try and exchange this book of yours for a Bible; who knows for what

'Well, dear,' said the old woman, 'do as you please; I should like to see the what do you call it? Bible, and

'Yes,' said I, 'seem; that is the way to express yourself in this maze of doubt I seem to think these apples

and pears seem to be and here seems to be a gentleman who wants to purchase either one or the other.'

A person had stopped before the applewoman's stall, and was glancing now at the fruit, now at the old

woman and myself; he wore a blue mantle, and had a kind of fur cap on his head; he was somewhat above the

middle stature; his features were keen, but rather hard; there was a slight obliquity in his vision. Selecting a

small apple, he gave the old woman a penny; then, after looking at me scrutinisingly for a moment, he moved

'No,' said she, 'except that he is one of my best customers: he frequently stops, takes an apple, and gives me a

penny; his is the only piece of money I have taken this blessed day. I don't know him, but he has once or

twice sat down in the booth with two strangelooking men Mulattos, or Lascars, I think they call them.'

Bought and exchanged Quite empty A new firm Bibles Countenance of a lion Clap of thunder A

IN pursuance of my promise to the old woman, I set about procuring her a Bible with all convenient speed,

placing the book which she had intrusted to me for the purpose of exchange in my pocket. I went to several

shops, and asked if Bibles were to be had: I found that there were plenty. When, however, I informed the

people that I came to barter, they looked blank, and declined treating with me; saying that they did not do

business in that way. At last I went into a shop over the window of which I saw written, 'Books bought and

exchanged': there was a smartish young fellow in the shop, with black hair and whiskers; 'You exchange?'

said I. 'Yes,' said he, 'sometimes, but we prefer selling; what book do you want?' 'A Bible,' said I. 'Ah,' said

he, 'there's a great demand for Bibles just now; all kinds of people are become very pious of late,' he added,

grinning at me; 'I am afraid I can't do business with you, more especially as the master is not at home. What

book have you brought?' Taking the book out of my pocket, I placed it on the counter: the young fellow

opened the book, and inspecting the titlepage, burst into a loud laugh. 'What do you laugh for?' said I,

angrily, and half clenching my fist. 'Laugh!' said the young fellow; 'laugh! who could help laughing?' 'I

could,' said I; 'I see nothing to laugh at; I want to exchange this book for a Bible.' 'You do?' said the young

fellow; 'well, I daresay there are plenty who would be willing to exchange, that is, if they dared. I wish master

were at home; but that would never do, either. Master's a family man, the Bibles are not mine, and master

being a family man, is sharp, and knows all his stock; I'd buy it of you, but, to tell you the truth, I am quite

Whereupon, looking anxiously at the young man, 'What am I to do?' said I; 'I really want a Bible.'

'Yes,' said I, 'I have some, but I am merely the agent of another; I came to exchange, not to buy; what am I to

'I don't know,' said the young man, thoughtfully laying down the book on the counter; 'I don't know what you

can do; I think you will find some difficulty in this bartering job, the trade are rather precise.' All at once he

laughed louder than before; suddenly stopping, however, he put on a very grave look. 'Take my advice,' said

he; 'there is a firm established in this neighbourhood which scarcely sells any books but Bibles; they are very

rich, and pride themselves on selling their books at the lowest possible price; apply to them, who knows but

Thereupon I demanded with some eagerness of the young man the direction to the place where he thought it

possible that I might effect the exchange which direction the young fellow cheerfully gave me, and, as I

I had no difficulty in finding the house to which the young fellow directed me; it was a very large house,

situated in a square; and upon the side of the house was written in large letters, 'Bibles, and other religious

At the door of the house were two or three tumbrils, in the act of being loaded with chests, very much

resembling teachests; one of the chests falling down, burst, and out flew, not tea, but various books, in a

neat, small size, and in neat leather covers; Bibles, said I, Bibles, doubtless. I was not quite right, nor quite

wrong; picking up one of the books, I looked at it for a moment, and found it to be the New Testament.

'Come, young lad,' said a man who stood by, in the dress of a porter, 'put that book down, it is none of yours;

Deal, thought I, deal, the man seems to know what I am coming about, and going in, I presently found

myself in a very large room. Behind a counter two men stood with their backs to a splendid fire, warming

Of these men one was dressed in brown, and the other was dressed in black; both were tall men he who was

dressed in brown was thin, and had a particularly illnatured countenance; the man dressed in black was

'What is your business, young man?' said the precise personage, as I stood staring at him and his companion.

'As to size,' said I, 'I should like to have a large one that is, if you can afford me one I do not come to

'Oh, friend,' said the preciselooking man, 'if you come here expecting to have a Bible for nothing, you are

'I would scorn to have a Bible for nothing,' said I, 'or anything else; I came not to beg, but to barter; there is

'Oh, we don't barter,' said the precise man, 'at least Bibles; you had better depart.'

'Stay, brother,' said the man with the countenance of a lion, 'let us ask a few questions; this may be a very

'Not I,' I exclaimed, 'I am convinced of nothing, and with regard to the Bible I don't believe '

'Hey!' said the man with the lion countenance, and there he stopped. But with that 'Hey' the walls of the house

seemed to shake, the windows rattled, and the porter whom I had seen in front of the house came running up

There was silence for about a minute the same kind of silence which succeeds a clap of thunder.

At last the man with the lion countenance, who had kept his eyes fixed upon me, said calmly, 'Were you

'No more than in anything else,' said I; 'you were talking of convictions I have no convictions. It is not easy

'He seems to be insane,' said the primlooking man; 'we had better order the porter to turn him out.'

'I am by no means certain,' said I, 'that the porter could turn me out; always provided there is a porter, and this

'Come,' said the lionlooking man, impatiently, 'a truce with this nonsense. If the porter cannot turn you out,

'I do,' said I, 'but not for myself; I was sent by another person to offer something in exchange for one.'

'A poor old woman, who has had what you call convictions, heard voices, or thought she heard them I

'What has she sent to offer in exchange?' said the man, without taking any notice of the concluding part of my

'Nay, brother,' said the precise man, 'this will never do; if we once adopt the system of barter, we shall have

'I wish to see what he has brought,' said the other; 'perhaps Baxter, or Jewell's APOLOGY, either of which

would make a valuable addition to our collection. Well, young man, what's the matter with you?'

'What's the matter?' repeated the man with the lion countenance, in a voice very much resembling thunder.

'A pretty story, truly,' said the preciselooking man, 'lost it! You had better retire,' said the other.

'How shall I appear before the party who intrusted me with the book? She will certainly think that I have

purloined it, notwithstanding all I can say; nor, indeed, can I blame her, appearances are certainly against

I moved towards the door. 'Stay, young man, one word more; there is only one way of proceeding which

'Purchase!' said I, 'purchase! I came not to purchase, but to barter; such was my instruction, and how can I

The other made no answer, and turning away I made for the door; all of a sudden I started, and turning round,

'Dear me,' said I, 'it has just come into my head, that if the book was lost by my negligence, as it must have

'Yes,' I repeated, 'I have clearly a right to make it good; how glad I am! see the effect of a little reflection. I

will purchase a Bible instantly, that is, if I have not lost ' and with considerable agitation I felt in my

The primlooking man smiled: 'I suppose,' said he, 'that he has lost his money as well as book.'

'No,' said I, 'I have not'; and pulling out my hand I displayed no less a sum than three halfcrowns.

'Oh, noble goddess of the Mint!' as Dame Charlotta Nordenflycht, the Swede, said a hundred and fifty years

ago, 'great is thy power; how energetically the possession of thee speaks in favour of man's character!'

'Only halfacrown for this Bible?' said I, putting down the money, 'it is worth three'; and bowing to the man

'Queer customer,' said the primlooking man, as I was about to close the door 'don't like him.'

'Why, as to that, I scarcely know what to say,' said he of the countenance of a lion.

The pickpocket Strange rencounter Drag him along A great service Things of importance

A FEW days after the occurrence of what is recorded in the last chapter, as I was wandering in the City,

chance directed my footsteps to an alley leading from one narrow street to another in the neighbourhood of

Cheapside. Just before I reached the mouth of the alley, a man in a greatcoat, closely followed by another,

passed it; and, at the moment in which they were passing, I observed the man behind snatch something from

the pocket of the other; whereupon, darting into the street, I seized the hindermost man by the collar, crying

at the same time to the other, 'My good friend, this person has just picked your pocket.'

The individual whom I addressed, turning round with a start, glanced at me, and then at the person whom I

held. London is the place for strange rencounters. It appeared to me that I recognised both individuals the

man whose pocket had been picked and the other; the latter now began to struggle violently; 'I have picked no

one's pocket,' said he. 'Rascal,' said the other, 'you have got my pocketbook in your bosom.' 'No, I have not,'

said the other; and, struggling more violently than before, the pocketbook dropped from his bosom upon the

The other was now about to lay hands upon the fellow, who was still struggling. 'You had better take up your

book,' said I; 'I can hold him.' He followed my advice; and, taking up his pocketbook, surveyed my prisoner

with a ferocious look, occasionally glaring at me. Yes, I had seen him before it was the stranger whom I

had observed on London Bridge, by the stall of the old applewoman, with the cap and cloak; but, instead of

these, he now wore a hat and greatcoat. 'Well,' said I, at last, 'what am I to do with this gentleman of ours?'

'Go!' said the other; 'go! The knave the rascal; let him go, indeed! Not so, he shall go before the Lord

'Oh, let me go,' said the other: 'let me go; this is the first offence, I assure ye the first time I ever thought to

'Hold your tongue,' said I, 'or I shall be angry with you. If I am not very much mistaken, you once attempted

'I never saw you before in all my life,' said the fellow, though his countenance seemed to belie his words.

'That is not true,' said I; 'you are the man who attempted to cheat me of oneandninepence in the

'I don't doubt it,' said the other; 'a confirmed thief'; and here his tones became peculiarly sharp; 'I would fain

'I am no constable,' said I; 'you have got your pocketbook, I would rather you would bid me let him go.'

'Bid you let him go!' said the other almost furiously, 'I command stay, what was I going to say? I was

forgetting myself,' he observed more gently; 'but he stole my pocketbook; if you did but know what it

'Well,' said I, 'if it contains anything valuable, be the more thankful that you have recovered it; as for the man,

The stranger hesitated, and there was an extraordinary play of emotion in his features: he looked ferociously

at the pickpocket, and, more than once, somewhat suspiciously at myself; at last his countenance cleared, and,

with a good grace, he said, 'Well, you have done me a great service, and you have my consent to let him go;

but the rascal shall not escape with impunity,' he exclaimed suddenly, as I let the man go, and starting

forward, before the fellow could escape, he struck him a violent blow on the face. The man staggered, and

had nearly fallen; recovering himself, however, he said, 'I tell you what, my fellow; if I ever meet you in this

street in a dark night, and I have a knife about me, it shall be the worse for you; as for you, young man,' said

he to me; but, observing that the other was making towards him, he left whatever he was about to say

The stranger and myself walked in the direction of Cheapside, the way in which he had been originally

proceeding; he was silent for a few moments, at length he said, 'You have really done me a great service, and

I should be ungrateful not to acknowledge it. I am a merchant; and a merchant's pocketbook, as you perhaps

know, contains many things of importance; but, young man,' he exclaimed, 'I think I have seen you before; I

thought so at first, but where I cannot exactly say: where was it?' I mentioned London Bridge and the old

applewoman. 'Oh,' said he, and smiled, and there was something peculiar in his smile, 'I remember now. Do

you frequently sit on London Bridge?' 'Occasionally,' said I; 'that old woman is an old friend of mine.'

'Friend?' said the stranger, 'I am glad of it, for I shall know where to find you. At present I am going to

'Change; time, you know, is precious to a merchant.' We were by this time close to Cheapside. 'Farewell,' said

he, 'I shall not forget this service. I trust we shall soon meet again.' He then shook me by the hand and went

The next day, as I was seated beside the old woman in the booth, the stranger again made his appearance,

and, after a word or two, sat down beside me; the old woman was sometimes reading the Bible, which she

had already had two or three days in her possession, and sometimes discoursing with me. Our discourse

'You mean the language of those who bring me things to buy, or who did; for, as I told you before, I shan't

buy any more; it's no language of mine, dear they call bread pannam in their language.'

'Pannam!' said I, 'pannam! evidently connected with, if not derived from, the Latin panis; even as the word

tanner, which signifieth a sixpence, is connected with, if not derived from, the Latin tener, which is itself

connected with, if not derived from, tawno or tawner, which, in the language of Mr. Petulengro, signifieth a

sucking child. Let me see, what is the term for bread in the language of Mr. Petulengro? Morro, or manro, as

I have sometimes heard it called; is there not some connection between these words and panis? Yes, I think

there is; and I should not wonder if morro, manro, and panis were connected, perhaps derived from, the same

root; but what is that root? I don't know I wish I did; though, perhaps, I should not be the happier. Morro

manro! I rather think morro is the oldest form; it is easier to say morro than manro. Morro! Irish, aran; Welsh,

bara; English, bread. I can see a resemblance between all the words, and pannam too; and I rather think that

the Petulengrian word is the elder. How odd it would be if the language of Mr. Petulengro should eventually

turn out to be the mother of all the languages in the world; yet it is certain that there are some languages in

which the terms for bread have no connection with the word used by Mr. Petulengro, notwithstanding that

those languages, in many other points, exhibit a close affinity to the language of the horseshoe master: for

example, bread, in Hebrew, is Laham, which assuredly exhibits little similitude to the word used by the

'Zhats!' said the stranger, starting up. 'By the Patriarch and the Three Holy Churches, this is wonderful! How

New acquaintance Wired cases Bread and wine Armenian colonies Learning without money What

a language The tide Your foible Learning of the Haiks Old proverb Pressing invitation.

JUST as I was about to reply to the interrogation of my newformed acquaintance, a man with a dusky

countenance, probably one of the Lascars, or Mulattos, of whom the old woman had spoken, came up and

whispered to him, and with this man he presently departed, not however before he had told me the place of

After the lapse of a few days, I called at the house which he had indicated. It was situated in a dark and

narrow street, in the heart of the City, at no great distance from the Bank. I entered a countingroom, in

which a solitary clerk, with a foreign look, was writing. The stranger was not at home; returning the next day,

however, I met him at the door as he was about to enter; he shook me warmly by the hand. 'I am glad to see

you,' said he, 'follow me, I was just thinking of you.' He led me through the counting room, to an apartment

up a flight of stairs; before ascending, however, he looked into the book in which the foreignvisaged clerk

was writing, and, seemingly not satisfied with the manner in which he was executing his task, he gave him

The apartment above stairs, to which he led me, was large, with three windows, which opened upon the

street. The walls were hung with wired cases, apparently containing books. There was a table and two or

three chairs; but the principal article of furniture was a long sofa, extending from the door by which we

entered to the farther end of the apartment. Seating himself upon the sofa, my new acquaintance motioned to

me to sit beside him, and then, looking me full in the face, repeated his former inquiry. 'In the name of all that

'There is nothing wonderful in that,' said I; 'we are at the commencement of a philological age, every one

studies languages; that is, every one who is fit for nothing else; philology being the last resource of dulness

and ennui, I have got a little in advance of the throng, by mastering the Armenian alphabet; but I foresee the

time when every unmarriageable miss, and desperate blockhead, will likewise have acquired the letters of

Mesroub, and will know the term for bread, in Armenian, and perhaps that for wine.'

'Kini,' said my companion; and that and the other word put me in mind of the duties of hospitality. 'Will you

'Willingly,' said I. Whereupon my companion, unlocking a closet, produced, on a silver salver, a loaf of

bread, with a silver handled knife, and wine in a silver flask, with cups of the same metal. ' I hope you like

'I like your bread,' said I, 'for it is stale; I like not your wine, it is sweet, and I hate sweet wine.'

'It is wine of Cyprus,' said my entertainer; and, when I found that it was wine of Cyprus, I tasted it again, and

the second taste pleased me much better than the first, notwithstanding that I still thought it somewhat sweet.

'Yes,' said he, 'an Armenian born in London, but not less an Armenian on that account. My father was a

native of Ispahan, one of the celebrated Armenian colony which was established there shortly after the time

of the dreadful hunger, which drove the children of Haik in swarms from their original country, and scattered

them over most parts of the eastern and western world. In Ispahan he passed the greater portion of his life,

following mercantile pursuits with considerable success. Certain enemies, however, having accused him to

the despot of the place, of using seditious language, he was compelled to flee, leaving most of his property

behind. Travelling in the direction of the west, he came at last to London, where he established himself, and

where he eventually died, leaving behind a large property and myself, his only child, the fruit of a marriage

with an Armenian Englishwoman, who did not survive my birth more than three months.'

The Armenian then proceeded to tell me that he had carried on the business of his father, which seemed to

embrace most matters, from buying silks of Lascars, to speculating in the funds, and that he had considerably

increased the property which his father had left him. He candidly confessed that he was wonderfully fond of

gold, and said there was nothing like it for giving a person respectability and consideration in the world: to

And, when he had related to me his history, he expressed a desire to know something more of myself,

whereupon I gave him the outline of my history, concluding with saying, 'I am now a poor author, or rather

philologist, upon the streets of London, possessed of many tongues, which I find of no use in the world.'

'Learning without money is anything but desirable,' said the Armenian, 'as it unfits a man for humble

occupations. It is true that it may occasionally beget him friends; I confess to you that your understanding

something of my language weighs more with me than the service you rendered me in rescuing my

pocketbook the other day from the claws of that scoundrel whom I yet hope to see hanged, if not crucified,

notwithstanding there were in that pocketbook papers and documents of considerable value. Yes, that

circumstance makes my heart warm towards you, for I am proud of my language as I indeed well may be

what a language, noble and energetic! quite original, differing from all others both in words and structure.'

'You are mistaken,' said I; 'many languages resemble the Armenian both in structure and words.'

'The English!' said the Armenian; 'show me one word in which the English resembles the Armenian.'

The Armenian gave a strong gasp; then, nodding his head thrice, 'You are right,' said he, 'the English word

tide is the Armenian for sea; and now I begin to perceive that there are many English words which are

Armenian; there is and ; and there again in French, there is and derived from the Armenian. How

strange, how singular I thank you. It is a proud thing to see that the language of my race has had so much

I saw that all that related to his race was the weak point of the Armenian. I did not flatter the Armenian with

respect to his race or language. 'An inconsiderable people,' said I, 'shrewd and industrious, but still an

inconsiderable people. A language bold and expressive, and of some antiquity, derived, though perhaps not

immediately, from some much older tongue. I do not think that the Armenian has had any influence over the

formation of the languages of the world, I am not much indebted to the Armenian for the solution of any

'I have heard you mention that name before,' said the Armenian; 'who is Mr. Petulengro?'

And then I told the Armenian who Mr. Petulengro was. The Armenian spoke contemptuously of Mr.

Petulengro and his race. 'Don't speak contemptuously of Mr. Petulengro,' said I, 'nor of anything belonging to

him. He is a dark mysterious personage; all connected with him is a mystery, especially his language; but I

believe that his language is doomed to solve a great philological problem Mr. Petulengo '

'You appear agitated,' said the Armenian; 'take another glass of wine; you possess a great deal of philological

knowledge, but it appears to me that the language of this Petulengro is your foible: but let us change the

subject; I feel much interested in you, and would fain be of service to you. Can you cast accounts?'

'I have an idea that I could write books,' said I; 'but, as to keeping them ' and here again I shook my head.

The Armenian was silent some time; all at once, glancing at one of the wire cases, with which, as I have

already said, the walls of the room were hung, he asked me if I was well acquainted with the learning of the

Haiks. 'The books in these cases,' said he, 'contain the masterpieces of Haik learning.'

'No,' said I; 'all I know of the learning of the Haiks is their translation of the Bible.'

'I have a plan,' said the Armenian; 'I think I can employ you agreeably and profitably; I should like to see Z

in an English dress; you shall translate Z If you can read the Scriptures in Armenian, you can translate Z.

He is our Esop, the most acute and clever of all our moral writers his philosophy '

'There is an old proverb,' said I, '"that a burnt child avoids the fire." I have burnt my hands sufficiently with

attempting to translate philosophy, to make me cautious of venturing upon it again'; and then I told the

Armenian how I had been persuaded by the publisher to translate his philosophy into German, and what sorry

thanks I had received; 'And who knows,' said I, 'but the attempt to translate Armenian philosophy into

'In many points I have no doubt I should,' I replied; 'but at the present moment I feel like a bird which has

escaped from a cage, and, though hungry, feels no disposition to return. Of what nation is the dark man below

'He is a Moldave,' said the Armenian; 'the dog (and here his eyes sparkled) deserves to be crucified, he is

The Armenian again renewed his proposition about Z, which I again refused, as I felt but little inclination to

place myself beneath the jurisdiction of a person who was in the habit of cuffing those whom he employed,

when they made mistakes. I presently took my departure; not, however, before I had received from the

Armenian a pressing invitation to call upon him whenever I should feel disposed.

What to do Strong enough Fame and profit Alliterative euphony Excellent fellow Listen to me A

ANXIOUS thoughts frequently disturbed me at this time with respect to what I was to do, and how support

myself in the Great City. My future prospects were gloomy enough, and I looked forward and feared;

sometimes I felt half disposed to accept the offer of the Armenian, and to commence forthwith, under his

superintendence, the translation of the Haik Esop; but the remembrance of the cuffs which I had seen him

bestow upon the Moldavian, when glancing over his shoulder into the ledger or whatever it was on which he

was employed, immediately drove the inclination from my mind. I could not support the idea of the

possibility of his staring over my shoulder upon my translation of the Haik Esop, and, dissatisfied with my

attempts, treating me as he had treated the Moldavian clerk; placing myself in a position which exposed me to

such treatment would indeed be plunging into the fire after escaping from the fryingpan. The publisher,

insolent and overbearing as he was, whatever he might have wished or thought, had never lifted his hand

What was I to do? turn porter? I was strong; but there was something besides strength required to ply the

trade of a porter a mind of a particularly phlegmatic temperament, which I did not possess. What should I

do? enlist as a soldier? I was tall enough; but something besides height is required to make a man play with

credit the part of soldier, I mean a private one a spirit, if spirit it can be called, which will not only enable a

man to submit with patience to insolence and abuse, and even to cuffs and kicks, but occasionally to the lash.

I felt that I was not qualified to be a soldier, at least a private one; far better be a drudge to the most ferocious

of publishers, editing Newgate lives, and writing in eighteenpenny reviews better to translate the Haik

Esop, under the superintendence of ten Armenians, than be a private soldier in the English service; I did not

decide rashly I knew something of soldiering. What should I do? I thought that I would make a last and

I had still an idea that, provided I could persuade any spirited publisher to give these translations to the world,

I should acquire both considerable fame and profit; not, perhaps, a worldembracing fame such as Byron's;

but a fame not to be sneered at, which would last me a considerable time, and would keep my heart from

breaking; profit, not equal to that which Scott had made by his wondrous novels, but which would prevent

me from starving, and enable me to achieve some other literary enterprise. I read and reread my ballads, and

the more I read them the more I was convinced that the public, in the event of their being published, would

freely purchase, and hail them with the merited applause. Were not the deeds and adventures wonderful and

heartstirring from which it is true I could claim no merit, being but the translator; but had I not rendered

them into English, with all their original fire? Yes, I was confident I had; and I had no doubt that the public

would say so. And then, with respect to Ab Gwilym, had I not done as much justice to him as to the Danish

ballads; not only rendering faithfully his thoughts, imagery, and phraseology, but even preserving in my

translation the alliterative euphony which constitutes one of the most remarkable features of Welsh prosody?

Yes, I had accomplished all this; and I doubted not that the public would receive my translations from Ab

Gwilym with quite as much eagerness as my version of the Danish ballads. But I found the publishers as

intractable as ever, and to this day the public has never had an opportunity of doing justice to the glowing fire

of my ballad versification, and the alliterative euphony of my imitations of Ab Gwilym.

I had not seen Francis Ardry since the day I had seen him taking lessons in elocution. One afternoon as I was

seated at my table, my head resting on my hands, he entered my apartment; sitting down, he inquired of me

'I might ask the same question of you,' I replied. 'Wherefore have you not been to see me?' Whereupon

Francis Ardry told me that he had been much engaged in his oratorical exercises, also in escorting the young

Frenchwoman about to places of public amusement; he then again questioned me as to the reason of my not

I returned an evasive answer. The truth was, that for some time past my appearance, owing to the state of my

finances, had been rather shabby; and I did not wish to expose a fashionable young man like Francis Ardry,

who lived in a fashionable neighbourhood, to the imputation of having a shabby acquaintance. I was aware

that Francis Ardry was an excellent fellow; but, on that very account, I felt, under existing circumstances, a

It is very possible that he had an inkling of how matters stood, as he presently began to talk of my affairs and

prospects. I told him of my late ill success with the booksellers, and inveighed against their blindness to their

own interest in refusing to publish my translations. 'The last that I addressed myself to,' said I, 'told me not to

'Because I have neither,' said I; 'and to write them is, I believe, above my capacity. At present I feel divested

'I see how it is,' said Francis Ardry, 'you have overworked yourself, and, worst of all, to no purpose. Take my

advice; cast all care aside, and only think of diverting yourself for a month at least.'

'Be that care on my shoulders,' said Francis Ardry. 'Listen to me my uncles have been so delighted with the

favourable accounts which they have lately received from T of my progress in oratory, that, in the warmth

of their hearts, they made me a present yesterday of two hundred pounds. This is more money than I want, at

least for the present; do me the favour to take half of it as a loan hear me,' said he, observing that I was

about to interrupt him; 'I have a plan in my head one of the prettiest in the world. The sister of my charmer

is just arrived from France; she cannot speak a word of English; and, as Annette and myself are much

engaged in our own matters, we cannot pay her the attention which we should wish, and which she deserves,

for she is a truly fascinating creature, although somewhat differing from my charmer, having blue eyes and

flaxen hair; whilst, Annette, on the contrary But I hope you will shortly see Annette. Now, my plan is this

Take the money, dress yourself fashionably, and conduct Annette's sister to Bagnigge Wells.'

'Then here's an excellent opportunity of improving yourself. Like most Frenchwomen, she dances divinely;

however, if you object to Bagnigge Wells and dancing, go to Brighton, and remain there a month or two, at

the end of which time you can return with your mind refreshed and invigorated, and materials, perhaps, for a

'I never heard a more foolish, plan,' said I, 'or one less likely to terminate profitably or satisfactorily. I thank

you, however, for your offer, which is, I daresay, well meant. If I am to escape from my cares and troubles,

and find my mind refreshed and invigorated, I must adopt other means than conducting a French demoiselle

to Brighton or Bagnigge Wells, defraying the expense by borrowing from a friend.'

Singular personage A large sum Papa of Rome We are Christians Degenerate Armenians Roots of

THE Armenian! I frequently saw this individual, availing myself of the permission which he had given me to

call upon him. A truly singular personage was he, with his love of amassing money, and his nationality so

strong as to be akin to poetry. Many an Armenian I have subsequently known fond of moneygetting, and not

destitute of national spirit; but never another, who, in the midst of his schemes of lucre, was at all times

willing to enter into a conversation on the structure of the Haik language, or who ever offered me money to

render into English the fables of Z in the hope of astonishing the stockjobbers of the Exchange with the

But he was fond of money, very fond. Within a little time I had won his confidence to such a degree that he

informed me that the grand wish of his heart was to be possessed of two hundred thousand pounds.

'I think you might satisfy yourself with the half,' said I. 'One hundred thousand pounds is a large sum.'

'You are mistaken,' said the Armenian, 'a hundred thousand pounds is nothing. My father left me that or more

'And what will you do with your riches,' said I, 'when you have obtained them? Will you sit down and muse

upon them, or will you deposit them in a cellar, and go down once a day to stare at them? I have heard say

that the fulfilment of one's wishes is invariably the precursor of extreme misery, and forsooth I can scarcely

'It is bad enough, I daresay,' said the Armenian; 'it will, however, be time enough to think of disposing of the

money when I have procured it. I still fall short by a vast sum of the two hundred thousand pounds.'

I had occasionally much conversation with him on the state and prospects of his nation, especially of that part

of it which still continued in the original country of the Haiks Ararat and its confines, which, it appeared,

he had frequently visited. He informed me that since the death of the last Haik monarch, which occurred in

the eleventh century, Armenia had been governed both temporally and spiritually by certain personages

called patriarchs; their temporal authority, however, was much circumscribed by the Persian and Turk,

especially the former, of whom the Armenian spoke with much hatred, whilst their spiritual authority had at

various times been considerably undermined by the emissaries of the Papa of Rome, as the Armenian called

'The Papa of Rome sent his emissaries at an early period amongst us,' said the Armenian, 'seducing the minds

of weakheaded people, persuading them that the hillocks of Rome are higher than the ridges of Ararat; that

the Roman Papa has more to say in heaven than the Armenian patriarch, and that puny Latin is a better

'They are both dialects,' said I, 'of the language of Mr. Petulengro, one of whose race I believe to have been

the original founder of Rome; but, with respect to religion, what are the chief points of your faith? you are

'Yes,' said the Armenian, 'we are Christians in our way; we believe in God, the Holy Spirit, and Saviour,

though we are not prepared to admit that the last personage is not only himself, but the other two. We believe

. . .' and then the Armenian told me of several things which the Haiks believed or disbelieved. 'But what we

find most hard of all to believe,' said he, 'is that the man of the molehills is entitled to our allegiance, he not

'But, by your own confession,' said I, 'he has introduced a schism in your nation, and has amongst you many

'It is true,' said the Armenian, I that even on the confines of Ararat there are a great number who consider that

mountain to be lower than the hillocks of Rome; but the greater number of degenerate Armenians are to be

found amongst those who have wandered to the west; most of the Haik churches of the west consider Rome

to be higher than Ararat most of the Armenians of this place hold that dogma; I, however, have always

'Ha! ha!' here the Armenian laughed in his peculiar manner 'talking of this matter puts me in mind of an

adventure which lately befell me, with one of the emissaries of the Papa of Rome, for the Papa of Rome has

at present many emissaries in this country, in order to seduce the people from their own quiet religion to the

savage heresy of Rome; this fellow came to me partly in the hope of converting me, but principally to extort

money for the purpose of furthering the designs of Rome in this country. I humoured the fellow at first,

keeping him in play for nearly a month, deceiving and laughing at him. At last he discovered that he could

make nothing of me, and departed with the scowl of Caiaphas, whilst I cried after him, 'The roots of Ararat

The Armenian had occasionally reverted to the subject of the translation of the Haik Esop, which he had still

a lurking desire that I should execute; but I had invariably declined the undertaking, without, however, stating

my reasons. On one occasion, when we had been conversing on the subject, the Armenian, who had been

observing my countenance for some time with much attention, remarked, 'Perhaps, after all, you are right,

and you might employ your time to better advantage. Literature is a fine thing, especially Haik literature, but

neither that nor any other would be likely to serve as a foundation to a man's fortune: and to make a fortune

should be the principal aim of every one's life; therefore listen to me. Accept a seat at the desk opposite to my

Moldavian clerk, and receive the rudiments of a merchant's education. You shall be instructed in the

'Not exactly,' said the Armenian, 'but there is certainly a kind of irregularity in your features. One eye appears

to me larger than the other never mind, but rather rejoice; in that irregularity consists your strength. All

people with regular features are fools; it is very hard for them, you'll say, but there is no help: all we can do,

who are not in such a predicament, is to pity those who are. Well! will you accept my offer? No! you are a

singular individual; but I must not forget my own concerns. I must now go forth, having an appointment by

Wish fulfilled Extraordinary figure Bueno Noah The two faces I don't blame him Too fond of

THE fulfilment of the Armenian's grand wish was nearer at hand than either he or I had anticipated. Partly

owing to the success of a bold speculation, in which he had some time previously engaged, and partly owing

to the bequest of a large sum of money by one of his nation who died at this period in Paris, he found himself

in the possession of a fortune somewhat exceeding two hundred thousand pounds; this fact he communicated

to me one evening about an hour after the close of 'Change; the hour at which I generally called, and at which

'I scarcely know,' said the Armenian. 'I was thinking of that when you came in. I don't see anything that I can

do, save going on in my former course. After all, I was perhaps too moderate in making the possession of two

hundred thousand pounds the summit of my ambition; there are many individuals in this town who possess

three times that sum, and are not yet satisfied. No, I think I can do no better than pursue the old career; who

knows but I may make the two hundred thousand three or four? there is already a surplus, which is an

encouragement; however, we will consider the matter over a goblet of wine; I have observed of late that you

And it came to pass that, as we were seated over the Cyprus wine, we heard a knock at the door. 'Adelante!'

cried the Armenian; whereupon the door opened, and in walked a somewhat extraordinary figure a man in a

long loose tunic of a stuff striped with black and yellow; breeches of plush velvet, silk stockings, and shoes

with silver buckles. On his head he wore a highpeaked hat; he was tall, had a hooked nose, and in age was

'Welcome, Rabbi Manasseh,' said the Armenian. 'I know your knock you are welcome; sit down.'

'I am welcome,' said Manasseh, sitting down; 'he he he! you know my knock I bring you money

Thereupon a conversation ensued between Rabbi Manasseh and the Armenian, in a language which I knew to

be Spanish, though a peculiar dialect. It related to a mercantile transaction. The Rabbi sighed heavily as he

'It is right,' said the Armenian, handing a receipt. 'It is right; and I am quite satisfied.'

'You are satisfied you have taken money. BUENO, I have nothing to say against your being satisfied.'

'Come, Rabbi,' said the Armenian, 'do not despond; it may be your turn next to take money; in the meantime,

'He he he! senor, you know I do not love wine. I love Noah when he is himself; but, as Janus, I love him

'He he he!' said the Rabbi, 'he only appeared as Janus once una vez quando estuvo borracho; which

'I understand,' said I; 'when he was . . .' and I drew the side of my right hand sharply across my left wrist.

'No,' said I, 'I am one of the Goyim; but I am only half enlightened. Why should Noah be Janus when he was

'In Armenian, kini,' said I; 'in Welsh, gwin; Latin, vinum; but do you think that Janus and janin are one?'

'Do I think? Don't the commentators say so? Does not Master Leo Abarbenel say so in his DIALOGUES OF

'But,' said I, 'I always thought that Janus was a god of the ancient Romans, who stood in a temple open in

time of war, and shut in time of peace; he was represented with two faces, which which '

'He he he!' said the Rabbi, rising from his seat; 'he had two faces, had he? And what did those two faces

typify? You do not know; no, nor did the Romans who carved him with two faces know why they did so; for

they were only half enlightened, like you and the rest of the Goyim. Yet they were right in carving him with

two faces looking from each other they were right, though they knew not why; there was a tradition among

them that the Janinoso had two faces, but they knew not that one was for the world which was gone and the

other for the world before him for the drowned world and for the present, as Master Leo Abarbenel says in

his DIALOGUES OF DIVINE LOVE. He he he!' continued the Rabbi, who had by this time advanced to

the door, and, turning round, waved the two forefingers of his right hand in our faces; 'the Goyims and

Epicouraiyim are clever men, they know how to make money better than we of Israel. My good friend there

is a clever man, I bring him money, he never brought me any; BUENO, I do not blame him, he knows much,

very much; but one thing there is my friend does not know, nor any of the Epicureans, he does not know the

sacred thing he has never received the gift of interpretation which God alone gives to the seed he has his

'Not a native of Spain,' said the Armenian, 'though he is one of those who call themselves Spanish Jews, and

who are to be found scattered throughout Europe, speaking the Spanish language transmitted to them by their

'A race of cowards and dastards,' said the Armenian, 'without a home or country; servants to servants;

'Very different from the Jews,' replied the Armenian; 'the Haiks have a home a country, and can

occasionally use a good sword; though it is true they are not what they might be.'

'Then it is a shame that they do not become so,' said I; 'but they are too fond of money. There is yourself, with

two hundred thousand pounds in your pocket, craving for more, whilst you might be turning your wealth to

'I have heard you say that the grand oppressor of your country is the Persian; why not attempt to free your

country from his oppression you have two hundred thousand pounds, and money is the sinew of war?'

'I scarcely know what to say; fighting is a rough trade, and I am by no means certain that you are calculated

for the scratch. It is not every one who has been brought up in the school of Mr. Petulengro and Tawno

Chikno. All I can say is, that if I were an Armenian, and had two hundred thousand pounds to back me, I

The one halfcrown Merit in patience Cementer of friendship Dreadful perplexity The usual guttural

ONE morning on getting up I discovered that my whole worldly wealth was reduced to one halfcrown

throughout that day I walked about in considerable distress of mind; it was now requisite that I should come

to a speedy decision with respect to what I was to do; I had not many alternatives, and, before I had retired to

rest on the night of the day in question, I had determined that I could do no better than accept the first

proposal of the Armenian, and translate under his superintendence the Haik Esop into English.

I reflected, for I made a virtue of necessity, that, after all, such an employment would be an honest and

honourable one; honest, inasmuch as by engaging in it I should do harm to nobody; honourable, inasmuch as

it was a literary task, which not every one was capable of executing. it was not every one of the booksellers'

writers of London who was competent to translate the Haik Esop. I determined to accept the offer of the

Once or twice the thought of what I might have to undergo in the translation from certain peculiarities of the

Armenian's temper almost unsettled me; but a mechanical diving of my hand into my pocket, and the feeling

of the solitary halfcrown, confirmed me; after all, this was a life of trial and tribulation, and I had read

somewhere or other that there was much merit in patience, so I determined to hold fast in my resolution of

But all of a sudden I remembered that the Armenian appeared to have altered his intentions towards me: he

appeared no longer desirous that I should render the Haik Esop into English for the benefit of the

stockjobbers on Exchange, but rather that I should acquire the rudiments of doing business in the Armenian

fashion, and accumulate a fortune, which would enable me to make a figure upon 'Change with the best of the

stockjobbers. 'Well,' thought I, withdrawing my hand from my pocket, whither it had again mechanically

dived, 'after all, what would the world, what would this city, be without commerce? I believe the world, and

particularly this city, would cut a very poor figure without commerce; and then there is something poetical in

the idea of doing business after the Armenian fashion, dealing with darkfaced Lascars and Rabbins of the

Sephardim. Yes, should the Armenian insist upon it, I will accept a seat at the desk, opposite the Moldavian

clerk. I do not like the idea of cuffs similar to those the Armenian bestowed upon the Moldavian clerk;

whatever merit there may be in patience, I do not think that my estimation of the merit of patience would be

sufficient to induce me to remain quietly sitting under the infliction of cuffs. I think I should, in the event of

his cuffing me, knock the Armenian down. Well, I think I have heard it said somewhere, that a knockdown

blow is a great cementer of friendship; I think I have heard of two people being better friends than ever after

That night I dreamed I had acquired a colossal fortune, some four hundred thousand pounds, by the Armenian

way of doing business, but suddenly awoke in dreadful perplexity as to how I should dispose of it.

About nine o'clock next morning I set off to the house of the Armenian; I had never called upon him so early

before, and certainly never with a heart beating with so much eagerness; but the situation of my affairs had

become very critical, and I thought that I ought to lose no time in informing the Armenian that I was at length

perfectly willing either to translate the Haik Esop under his superintendence, or to accept a seat at the desk

opposite to the Moldavian clerk, and acquire the secrets of Armenian commerce. With a quick step I entered

the countingroom, where, notwithstanding the earliness of the hour, I found the clerk, busied as usual at his

He had always appeared to me a singular being, this same Moldavian clerk. A person of fewer words could

scarcely be conceived: provided his master were at home, he would, on my inquiring, nod his head; and,

provided he were not, he would invariably reply with the monosyllable No, delivered in a strange guttural

tone. On the present occasion, being full of eagerness and impatience, I was about to pass by him to the

apartment above, without my usual inquiry, when he lifted his head from the ledger in which he was writing,

and, laying down his pen, motioned to me with his forefinger, as if to arrest my progress; whereupon I

stopped, and, with a palpitating heart, demanded whether the master of the house was at home. The

Moldavian clerk replied with his usual guttural, and, opening his desk, ensconced his head therein.

'It does not much matter,' said I; 'I suppose I shall find him at home after 'Change; it does not much matter, I

I was turning away with the intention of leaving the room; at this moment, however, the head of the

Moldavian clerk became visible, and I observed a letter in his hand, which he had inserted in the desk at the

same time with his head; this he extended towards me, making at the same time a sidelong motion with his

I took the letter, and the Moldavian clerk forthwith resumed his occupation. The back of the letter bore my

name, written in Armenian characters; with a trembling hand I broke the seal, and, unfolding the letter, I

beheld several lines also written in the letters of Mesroub, the Cadmus of the Armenians.

I stared at the lines, and at first could not make out a syllable of their meaning; at last, however, by continued

staring, I discovered that, though the letters were Armenian, the words were English; in about ten minutes I

had contrived to decipher the sense of the letter; it ran somewhat in this style:

'MY DEAR FRIEND The words which you uttered in our last conversation have made a profound

impression upon me; I have thought them over day and night, and have come to the conclusion that it is my

bounden duty to attack the Persians. When these lines are delivered to you, I shall be on the route to Ararat. A

mercantile speculation will be to the world the ostensible motive of my journey, and it is singular enough that

one which offers considerable prospect of advantage has just presented itself on the confines of Persia. Think

not, however, that motives of lucre would have been sufficiently powerful to tempt me to the East at the

present moment. I may speculate, it is true, but I should scarcely have undertaken the journey but for your

pungent words inciting me to attack the Persians. Doubt not that I will attack them on the first opportunity. I

thank you heartily for putting me in mind of my duty. I have hitherto, to use your own words, been too fond

of moneygetting, like all my countrymen. I am much indebted to you; farewell! and may every prosperity

For some time after I had deciphered the epistle, I stood as if rooted to the floor. I felt stunned my last hope

was gone; presently a feeling arose in my mind a feeling of selfreproach. Whom had I to blame but myself

for the departure of the Armenian? Would he have ever thought of attacking the Persians had I not put the

idea into his head? he had told me in his epistle that he was indebted to me for the idea. But for that, he might

at the present moment have been in London, increasing his fortune by his usual methods, and I might be

commencing under his auspices the translation of the Haik Esop, with the promise, no doubt, of a

considerable remuneration for my trouble; or I might be taking a seat opposite the Moldavian clerk, and

imbibing the first rudiments of doing business after the Armenian fashion, with the comfortable hope of

realising, in a short time, a fortune of three or four hundred thousand pounds; but the Armenian was now

gone, and farewell to the fine hopes I had founded upon him the day before. What was I to do? I looked

wildly around, till my eyes rested on the Moldavian clerk, who was writing away in his ledger with particular

vehemence. Not knowing well what to do or to say, I thought I might as well ask the Moldavian clerk when

the Armenian had departed, and when he thought that he would return. It is true it mattered little to me when

he departed, seeing that he was gone, and it was evident that he would not be back soon; but I knew not what

to do, and in pure helplessness thought I might as well ask; so I went up to the Moldavian clerk, and asked

him when the Armenian had departed, and whether he had been gone two days or three. Whereupon the

Moldavian clerk, looking up from his ledger, made certain signs, which I could by no means understand. I

stood astonished, but, presently recovering myself, inquired when he considered it probable that the master

would return, and whether he thought it would be two months or my tongue faltered two years;

whereupon the Moldavian clerk made more signs than before, and yet more unintelligible; as I persisted,

however, he flung down his pen, and, putting his thumb into his mouth, moved it rapidly, causing the nail to

sound against the lower jaw; whereupon I saw that he was dumb, and hurried away, for I had always

entertained a horror of dumb people, having once heard my another say, when I was a child, that dumb

Kind of stupor Peace of God Divine hand Farewell, child The fair Massive edifice Battered tars

LEAVING the house of the Armenian, I strolled about for some time; almost mechanically my feet

conducted me to London Bridge, to the booth in which stood the stall of the old applewoman; the sound of

her voice aroused me, as I sat in a kind of stupor on the stone bench beside her; she was inquiring what was

At first, I believe, I answered her very incoherently, for I observed alarm beginning to depict itself upon her

countenance. Rousing myself, however, I in my turn put a few questions to her upon her present condition

and prospects. The old woman's countenance cleared up instantly; she informed me that she had never been

more comfortable in her life; that her trade, her HONEST trade laying an emphasis on the word honest

had increased of late wonderfully; that her health was better, and, above all, that she felt no fear and horror

On my asking her whether she still heard voices in the night, she told me that she frequently did; but that the

present were mild voices, sweet voices, encouraging voices, very different from the former ones; that a voice,

only the night previous, had cried out about 'the peace of God,' in particularly sweet accents; a sentence

which she remembered to have read in her early youth in the primer, but which she had clean forgotten till the

After a pause, the old woman said to me, 'I believe, dear, that it is the blessed book you brought me which has

wrought this goodly change. How glad I am now that I can read; but oh what a difference between the book

you brought to me and the one you took away! I believe the one you brought is written by the finger of God,

'Don't abuse the book,' said I, 'it is an excellent book for those who can understand it; it was not exactly suited

to you, and perhaps it had been better that you had never read it and yet, who knows? Peradventure, if you

had not read that book, you would not have been fitted for the perusal of the one which you say is written by

the finger of God'; and, pressing my hand to my head, I fell into a deep fit of musing. 'What, after all,' thought

I, 'if there should be more order and system in the working of the moral world than I have thought? Does

there not seem in the present instance to be something like the working of a Divine hand? I could not

conceive why this woman, better educated than her mother, should have been, as she certainly was, a worse

character than her mother. Yet perhaps this woman may be better and happier than her mother ever was;

perhaps she is so already perhaps this world is not a wild, lying dream, as I have occasionally supposed it to

But the thought of my own situation did not permit me to abandon myself much longer to these musings. I

started up. 'Where are you going, child?' said the woman, anxiously. 'I scarcely know,' said I; 'anywhere.'

'Then stay here, child,' said she; 'I have much to say to you.' 'No,' said I, 'I shall be better moving about'; and I

was moving away, when it suddenly occurred to me that I might never see this woman again; and turning

round I offered her my hand, and bade her goodbye. 'Farewell, child,' said the old woman, 'and God bless

you!' I then moved along the bridge until I reached the Southwark side, and, still holding on my course, my

At length I found myself in a street or road, with terraces on either side, and seemingly of interminable

length, leading, as it would appear, to the southeast. I was walking at a great rate there were likewise a

great number of people, also walking at a great rate; also carts and carriages driving at a great rate; and all

men, carts, and carriages going in the selfsame direction, namely to the southeast. I stopped for a moment

and deliberated whether or not I should proceed. What business had I in that direction? I could not say that I

had any particular business in that direction, but what could I do were I to turn back? only walk about

wellknown streets; and, if I must walk, why not continue in the direction in which I was to see whither the

road and its terraces led? I was ere in a TERRA INCOGNITA, and an unknown place had always some

interest for me; moreover, I had a desire to know whither all this crowd was going, and for what purpose. I

thought they could not be going far, as crowds seldom go far, especially at such a rate; so I walked on more

lustily than before, passing group after group of the crowd, and almost vying in speed with some of the

carriages, especially the hackneycoaches; and, by dint of walking at this rate, the terraces and houses

becoming somewhat less frequent as I advanced, I reached in about threequarters of an hour a kind of low

dingy town, in the neighbourhood of the river; the streets were swarming with people, and I concluded, from

the number of wildbeast shows, caravans, gingerbread stalls, and the like, that a fair was being held. Now,

as I had always been partial to fairs, I felt glad that I had fallen in with the crowd which had conducted me to

the present one, and, casting away as much as I was able all gloomy thoughts, I did my best to enter into the

diversions of the fair; staring at the wonderful representations of animals on canvas hung up before the shows

of wild beasts, which, by the bye, are frequently found much more worthy of admiration than the real beasts

themselves; listening to the jokes of the merryandrews from the platforms in front of the temporary theatres,

or admiring the splendid tinsel dresses of the performers who thronged the stages in the intervals of the

entertainments; and in this manner, occasionally gazing and occasionally listening, I passed through the town

till I came in front of a large edifice looking full upon the majestic bosom of the Thames.

It was a massive stone edifice, built in an antique style, and black with age, with a broad esplanade between it

and the river, on which, mixed with a few people from the fair, I observed moving about a great many

individuals in quaint dresses of blue, with strange threecornered hats on their heads; most of them were

mutilated; this had a wooden leg this wanted an arm; some had but one eye; and as I gazed upon the

edifice, and the singularlooking individuals who moved before it, I guessed where I was. 'I am at ' said I;

'these individuals are battered tars of Old England, and this edifice, once the favourite abode of Glorious

Elizabeth, is the refuge which a grateful country has allotted to them. Here they can rest their weary bodies; at

their ease talk over the actions in which they have been injured; and, with the tear of enthusiasm flowing

from their eyes, boast how they have trod the deck of fame with Rodney, or Nelson, or others whose names

Turning to the right, I entered a park or wood consisting of enormous trees, occupying the foot, sides, and top

of a hill which rose behind the town; there were multitudes of people among the trees, diverting themselves in

various ways. Coming to the top of the hill, I was present' y stopped by a lofty wall, along which I walked,

till, coming to a small gate, I passed through, and found myself on an extensive green plain, on one side

bounded in part by the wall of the park, and on the others, in the distance, by extensive ranges of houses; to

the southeast was a lofty eminence, partially clothed with wood. The plain exhibited an animated scene, a

kind of continuation of the fair below; there were multitudes of people upon it, many tents, and shows; there

was also horseracing, and much noise and shouting, the sun shining brightly overhead. After gazing at the

horseracing for a little time, feeling myself somewhat tired, I went up to one of the tents, and laid myself

down on the grass. There was much noise in the tent. 'Who will stand me?' said a voice with a slight tendency

to lisp. 'Will you, my lord?' 'Yes,' said another voice. Then there was a sound as of a piece of money banging

on a table. 'Lost! lost! lost!' cried several voices; and then the banging down of the money, and the 'lost! lost!

lost!' were frequently repeated; at last the second voice exclaimed, 'I will try no more; you have cheated me.'

'Never cheated any one in my life, my lord all fair all chance. Them that finds, wins them that can't

finds, loses. Anyone else try? Who'll try? Will you, my lord?' and then it appeared that some other lord tried,

for I heard more money flung down. Then again the cry of 'lost! lost!' then again the sound of money, and

so on. Once or twice, but not more, I heard 'Won! won!' but the predominant cry was 'Lost! lost!' At last there

was a considerable hubbub, and the words 'Cheat!' 'Rogue!' and 'You filched away the pea!' were used freely

by more voices than one, to which the voice with the tendency to lisp replied, 'Never filched a pea in my life;

would scorn it. Always glad when folks wins; but, as those here don't appear to be civil, not to wish to play

Singular table No money Out of employ My bonnet We of the thimble Good wages Wisely

resolved Strangest way in the world Fat gentleman Not such another First edition Not very easy

PRESENTLY a man emerged from the tent, bearing before him a rather singular table; it appeared to be of

white deal, was exceedingly small at the top, and with very long legs. At a few yards from the entrance he

paused, and looked round, as if to decide on the direction which he should take; presently, his eye glancing

on me as I lay upon the ground, he started, and appeared for a moment inclined to make off as quick as

possible, table and all. In a moment, however, he seemed to recover assurance, and, coming up to the place

where I was, the long legs of the table projecting before him, he cried, 'Glad to see you here, my lord.'

'Very fine, my lord; will your lordship play? Them that finds, wins them that don't finds, loses.'

'Didn't you? Well, I'll soon teach you,' said he, placing the table down. 'All you have to do is to put a

sovereign down on my table, and to find the pea, which I put under one of my thimbles. If you find it, and it

is easy enough to find it, I give you a sovereign besides your own: for them that finds, wins.'

'Oh, you have no money, that of course alters the case. If you have no money, you can't play. Well, I suppose

'Goodday,' said the man slowly, but without moving, and as if in reflection. After a moment or two, looking

The man measured me with his eye as I lay on the ground. At length he said, 'May I speak a word or two to

'Then just come a little out of hearing, a little farther on the grass, if you please, my lord.'

'We of the thimble always calls our customers lords,' said the man; 'but I won't call you such a foolish name

The man walked along the plain till he came to the side of a dry pit, when, looking round to see that no one

was nigh, he laid his table on the grass, and, sitting down with his legs over the side of the pit, he motioned

me to do the same. 'So you are in want of employ?' said he, after I had sat down beside him.

'Don't you know? However, no wonder, as you had never heard of the thimble and pea game, but I will tell

you. We of the game are very much exposed; folks when they have lost their money, as those who play with

us mostly do, sometimes uses rough language, calls us cheats, and sometimes knocks our hats over our eyes;

and what's more, with a kick under our table, cause the top deals to fly off; this is the third table I have used

this day, the other two being broken by uncivil customers: so we of the game generally like to have

gentlemen go about with us to take our part, and encourage us, though pretending to know nothing about us;

for example, when the customer says, "I'm cheated," the bonnet must say, "No, you ain't, it is all right"; or,

when my hat is knocked over my eyes, the bonnet must square, and say, "I never saw the man before in all

my life, but I won't see him illused"; and so, when they kicks at the table, the bonnet must say, "I won't see

the table illused, such a nice table, too; besides, I want to play myself"; and then I would say to the bonnet,

"Thank you, my lord, them that finds, wins"; and then the bonnet plays, and I lets the bonnet win.'

'In a word,' said I, 'the bonnet means the man who covers you, even as the real bonnet covers the head.'

'I just so,' said the man; 'I see you are awake, and would soon make a firstrate bonnet.'

'Bonnet is cant,' said the man; 'we of the thimble, as well as all clyfakers and the like, understand cant, as, of

course, must every bonnet; so, if you are employed by me, you had better learn it as soon as you can, that we

may discourse together without being understood by every one. Besides covering his principal, a bonnet must

have his eyes about him, for the trade of the pea, though a strictly honest one, is not altogether lawful; so it is

the duty of the bonnet, if he sees the constable coming, to say, The gorgio's welling.'

'I wish I did,' said the man; 'I would give ten pounds and more to know the language of the Rommany Chals.

There's some of it in the language of the pea and thimble; how it came there I don't know, but so it is. I wish I

'Why, to a firstrate bonnet, as I think you would prove, I could afford to give from forty to fifty shillings a

'Or translating; I don't think the Armenian would have paid me at that rate for translating his Esop.'

'Yes, you have,' said I, 'and felt him too; don't you remember the individual from whom you took the

'Oh, that was he; well, the less said about that matter the better; I have left off that trade, and taken to this,

which is a much better. Between ourselves, I am not sorry that I did not carry off that pocketbook; if I had,

it might have encouraged me in the trade, in which had I remained, I might have been lagged, sent abroad, as

I had been already imprisoned; so I determined to leave it off at all hazards, though I was hard up, not having

'And wisely resolved,' said I; 'it was a bad and dangerous trade, I wonder you should ever have embraced it.'

'It is all very well talking,' said the man, 'but there is a reason for everything; I am the son of a Jewess, by a

military officer' and then the man told me his story. I shall not repeat the man's story, it was a poor one, a

vile one; at last he observed, 'So that affair which you know of determined me to leave the filching trade, and

take up with a more honest and safe one; so at last I thought of the pea and thimble, but I wanted funds,

especially to pay for lessons at the hands of a master, for I knew little about it.'

'Why,' said the man, 'I thought I should never have got over it. What funds could I raise? I had nothing to sell;

the few clothes I had I wanted, for we of the thimble must always appear decent, or nobody would come near

us. I was at my wits' ends; at last I got over my difficulty in the strangest way in the world.'

'Yes, which I had taken out of your lordship's pocket one day as you were walking the streets in a great hurry.

I thought it was a pocketbook at first, full of banknotes, perhaps,' continued he, laughing. 'It was well for

me, however, that it was not, for I should have soon spent the notes; as it was, I had flung the old thing down

with an oath, as soon as I brought it home. When I was so hard up, however, after the affair with that friend

of yours, I took it up one day, and thought I might make something by it to support myself a day with.

Chance or something else led me into a grand shop; there was a man there who seemed to be the master,

talking to a jolly, portly old gentleman, who seemed to be a country squire. Well, I went up to the first, and

offered it for sale; he took the book, opened it at the titlepage, and then all of a sudden his eyes glistened,

and he showed it to the fat, jolly gentleman, and his eyes glistened too, and I heard him say "How singular!"

and then the two talked together in a speech I didn't understand I rather thought it was French, at any rate it

wasn't cant; and presently the first asked me what I would take for the book. Now I am not altogether a fool,

nor am I blind, and I had narrowly marked all that passed, and it came into my head that now was the time for

making a man of myself, at any rate I could lose nothing by a little confidence; so I looked the man boldly in

the face, and said, "I will have five guineas for that book, there ain't such another in the whole world."

"Nonsense," said the first man, "there are plenty of them, there have been nearly fifty editions, to my

knowledge; I will give you five shillings." "No," said I, "I'll not take it, for I don't like to be cheated, so give

me my book again"; and I attempted to take it away from the fat gentleman's hand. "Stop," said the younger

man; "are you sure that you won't take less?" "Not a farthing," said I; which was not altogether true, but I said

so. "Well," said the fat gentleman, "I will give you what you ask"; and sure enough he presently gave me the

money; so I made a bow, and was leaving the shop, when it came into my head that there was something odd

in all this, and, as I had the money in my pocket, I turned back, and, making another bow, said, "May I be so

bold as to ask why you gave me all this money for that 'ere dirty book? When I came into the shop, I should

have been glad to get a shilling for it; but I saw you wanted it, and asked five guineas." Then they looked at

one another, and smiled, and shrugged up their shoulders. Then the first man, looking at me, said, "Friend,

you have been a little too sharp for us; however, we can afford to forgive you, as my friend here has long

been in quest of this particular book; there are plenty of editions, as I told you, and a common copy is not

worth five shillings; but this is a first edition, and a copy of the first edition is worth its weight in gold."'

'Clearly,' said the man; 'I might have got double the price, had I known the value; but I don't care, much good

may it do them, it has done me plenty. By means of it I have got into an honest, respectable trade, in which

there's little danger and plenty of profit, and got out of one which would have got me lagged, sooner or later.'

'But,' said I, 'you ought to remember that the thing was not yours; you took it from me, who had been

'Then she has no cause to complain; and, as for you, chance or something else has sent you to me, that I may

make you reasonable amends for any loss you may have had. Here am I ready to make you my bonnet, with

'Not like bonneting,' said the man; 'ah, I see, you would like to be principal; well, a time may come those

'Why, it is not very easy: two things are needful natural talent, and constant practice; but I'll show you a

point or two connected with the game'; and, placing his table between his knees as he sat over the side of the

pit, he produced three thimbles, and a small brown pellet, something resembling a pea. He moved the thimble

and pellet about, now placing it to all appearance under one, and now under another; 'Under which is it now?'

he said at last. 'Under that,' said I, pointing to the lowermost of the thimbles, which, as they stood, formed a

kind of triangle. 'No,' said he, 'it is not, but lift it up'; and, when I lifted up the thimble, the pellet, in truth, was

not under it. 'It was under none of them,' said he, 'it was pressed by my little finger against my palm'; and then

he showed me how he did the trick, and asked me if the game was not a funny one; and, on my answering in

the affirmative, he said, 'I am glad you like it; come along and let us win some money.'

Thereupon, getting up, he placed the table before him, and was moving away; observing, however, that I did

not stir, he asked me what I was staying for. 'Merely for my own pleasure,' said I; 'I like sitting here very

well.' 'Then you won't close?' said the man. 'By no means,' I replied; 'your proposal does not suit me.' 'You

may be principal in time,' said the man. 'That makes no difference,' said I; and, sitting with my legs over the

pit, I forthwith began to decline an Armenian noun. 'That ain't cant,' said the man; 'no, nor gypsy either. Well,

if you won't close, another will, I can't lose any more time,' and forthwith he departed.

And after I had declined four Armenian nouns, of different declensions, I rose from the side of the pit, and

wandered about amongst the various groups of people scattered over the green. Presently I came to where the

man of the thimbles was standing, with the table before him, and many people about him. 'Them who finds,

wins, and them who can't find, loses,' he cried. Various individuals tried to find the pellet, but all were

unsuccessful, till at last considerable dissatisfaction was expressed, and the terms rogue and cheat were

lavished upon him. 'Never cheated anybody in all my life,' he cried; and, observing me at hand, 'didn't I play

fair, my lord?' he inquired. But I made no answer. Presently some more played, and he permitted one or two

to win, and the eagerness to play with him became greater. After I had looked on for some time, I was

moving away: just then I perceived a short, thick personage, with a staff in his hand, advancing in a great

The man, who was in the midst of his peaandthimble process, no sooner heard the last word of the distich

than he turned an alarmed look in the direction of where I stood; then, glancing around, and perceiving the

constable, he slipped forthwith his pellet and thimbles into his pocket, and, lifting up his table, he cried to the

people about him, 'Make way!' and with a motion with his head to me, as if to follow him, he darted off with

a swiftness which the short, pursy constable could by no means rival; and whither he went, or what became of

Mr. Petulengro Rommany Rye Lilwriters One's own horn Lawfullyearnt money The wooded hill

AND, as I wandered along the green, I drew near to a place where several men, with a cask beside them, sat

carousing in the neighbourhood of a small tent. 'Here he comes,' said one of them, as I advanced, and

'Here the Gypsy gemman see, With his Roman jib and his rome and dree Rome and dree, rum and dry

It was Mr. Petulengro, who was here diverting himself with several of his comrades; they all received me

with considerable frankness. 'Sit down, brother,' said Mr. Petulengro, 'and take a cup of good ale.'

I sat down. 'Your health, gentlemen,' said I, as I took the cup which Mr. Petulengro handed to me.

'Aukko tu pios adrey Rommanis. Here is your health in Rommany, brother,' said Mr. Petulengro; who, having

'Your health in Rommany, brother,' said Tawno Chikno, to whom the cup came next.

'Here the Gypsy gemman see, With his Roman jib and his rome and dree Rome and dree, rum and dry

'And now, brother,' said Mr. Petulengro, 'seeing that you have drunk and been drunken, you will perhaps tell

'I have been in the Big City, too,' said Mr. Petulengro; 'but I have not written lils I have fought in the ring

I have fifty pounds in my pocket I have much more in the world. Brother, there is considerable difference

'I would rather be the lilwriter, after all,' said the tall, handsome, black man; 'indeed, I would wish for

'Because they have so much to say for themselves,' said the black man, 'even when dead and gone. When they

are laid in the churchyard, it is their own fault if people ain't talking of them. Who will know, after I am dead,

or bitchadey pawdel, that I was once the beauty of the world, or that you Jasper were '

'The best man in England of my inches. That's true, Tawno however, here's our brother will perhaps let the

'Not he,' said the other, with a sigh; 'he'll have quite enough to do in writing his own lils, and telling the world

how handsome and clever he was; and who can blame him? Not I. If I could write lils, every word should be

about myself and my own tacho Rommanis my own lawful wedded wife, which is the same thing. I tell you

what, brother, I once heard a wise man say in Brummagem, that "there is nothing like blowing one's own

After a little more conversation, Mr. Petulengro arose, and motioned me to follow him. 'Only eighteenpence

'Because there was something in your look, brother, something very much resembling that which a person

showeth who does not carry much money in his pocket. I was looking at my own face this morning in my

'I believe your sole motive for inquiring,' said I, 'was to have an opportunity of venting a foolish boast, and to

'What is the use of having money unless you let people know you have it?' said Mr. Petulengro. 'It is not

every one can read faces, brother; and, unless you knew I had money, how could you ask me to lend you

'Then you may have it without asking; as I said before, I have fifty pounds, all lawfullyearnt money, got by

'Nor the half of it; but it is getting towards evening, I must go back to the Great City.'

'I do not feel well; the Great City does not agree with me. Should I be so fortunate as to earn some money, I

'You may do that, brother,' said Mr. Petulengro, 'whether you have money or not. Our tents and horses are on

the other side of yonder wooded hill, come and stay with us; we shall all be glad of your company, but more

And then Mr. Petulengro told me the name of the hill. 'We shall stay on t'other side of the hill a fortnight,' he

continued; 'and, as you are fond of lilwriting, you may employ yourself profitably whilst there. You can

write the lil of him whose dock gallops down that hill every night, even as the living man was wont to do

'Jemmy Abershaw,' said Mr. Petulengro; 'one of those whom we call Boro drom engroes, and the gorgios

highwaymen. I once heard a rye say that the life of that man would fetch much money; so come to the other

side of the hill, and write the lil in the tent of Jasper and his wife Pakomovna.'

At first I felt inclined to accept the invitation of Mr. Petulengro; a little consideration, however, determined

me to decline it. I had always been on excellent terms with Mr. Petulengro, but I reflected that people might

be excellent friends when they met occasionally in the street, or on the heath, or in the wood; but that these

very people when living together in a house, to say nothing of a tent, might quarrel. I reflected, moreover,

that Mr. Petulengro had a wife. I had always, it is true, been a great favourite with Mrs. Petulengro, who had

frequently been loud in her commendation of the young rye, as she called me, and his turn of conversation;

but this was at a time when I stood in need of nothing, lived under my parents' roof, and only visited at the

tents to divert and to be diverted. The times were altered, and I was by no means certain that Mrs. Petulengro,

when she should discover that I was in need both of shelter and subsistence, might not alter her opinion both

with respect to the individual and what he said stigmatising my conversation as saucy discourse, and myself

as a scurvy companion; and that she might bring over her husband to her own way of thinking, provided,

indeed, he should need any conducting. I therefore, though without declaring my reasons, declined the offer

of Mr. Petulengro, and presently, after shaking him by the hand, bent again my course towards the Great City.

I crossed the river at a bridge considerably above that hight of London; for, not being acquainted with the

way, I missed the turning which should have brought me to the latter. Suddenly I found myself in a street of

which I had some recollection, and mechanically stopped before the window of a shop at which various

publications were exposed; it was that of the bookseller to whom I had last applied in the hope of selling my

ballads or Ab Gwilym, and who had given me hopes that, in the event of my writing a decent novel, or a tale,

he would prove a purchaser. As I stood listlessly looking at the window, and the publications which it

contained, I observed a paper affixed to the glass by wafers with something written upon it. I drew yet nearer

for the purpose of inspecting it; the writing was in a fair round hand 'A Novel or Tale is much wanted,' was

Bread and water Pair play Fashion Colonel B Joseph Sell The kindly glow Easiest manner

'I MUST do something,' said I, as I sat that night in my lonely apartment, with some bread and a pitcher of

Thereupon taking some of the bread, and eating it, I considered what I was to do. 'I have no idea what I am to

do,' said I, as I stretched my hand towards the pitcher, 'unless (and here I took a considerable draught) I write

a tale or a novel That bookseller,' I continued, speaking to myself, 'is certainly much in need of a tale or a

novel, otherwise he would not advertise for one. Suppose I write one, I appear to have no other chance of

extricating myself from my present difficulties; surely it was Fate that conducted me to his window.

'I will do it,' said I, as I struck my hand against the table; 'I will do it.' Suddenly a heavy cloud of

despondency came over me. Could I do it? Had I the imagination requisite to write a tale or a novel? 'Yes,

yes,' said I, as I struck my hand again against the table, 'I can manage it; give me fair play, and I can

But should I have fair play? I must have something to maintain myself with whilst I wrote my tale, and I had

but eighteenpence in the world. Would that maintain me whilst I wrote my tale? Yes, I thought it would,

provided I ate bread, which did not cost much, and drank water, which cost nothing; it was poor diet, it was

true, but better men than myself had written on bread and water; had not the big man told me so? or

It was true there was my lodging to pay for; but up to the present time I owed nothing, and perhaps, by the

time that the people of the house asked me for money, I should have written a tale or a novel, which would

bring me in money; I had paper, pens, and ink, and, let me not forget them, I had candles in my closet, all

paid for, to light me during my night work. Enough, I would go doggedly to work upon my tale or novel.

But what was the tale or novel to be about? Was it to be a tale of fashionable life, about Sir Harry Somebody,

and the Countess something? But I knew nothing about fashionable people, and cared less; therefore how

should I attempt to describe fashionable life? What should the tale consist of? The life and adventures of

some one. Good but of whom? Did not Mr. Petulengro mention one Jemmy Abershaw? Yes. Did he not tell

me that the life and adventures of Jemmy Abershaw would bring in much money to the writer? Yes, but I

knew nothing of that worthy. I heard, it is true, from Mr. Petulengro, that when alive he committed robberies

on the hill, on the side of which Mr. Petulengro had pitched his tents, and that his ghost still haunted the hill

at midnight; but those were scant materials out of which to write the man's life. It is probable indeed, that Mr.

Petulengro would be able to supply me with further materials if I should apply to him, but I was in a hurry,

and could not afford the time which it would be necessary to spend in passing to and from Mr. Petulengro,

and consulting him. Moreover, my pride revolted at the idea of being beholden to Mr. Petulengro for the

materials of the history. No, I would not write the history of Abershaw. Whose then Harry Simms? Alas,

the life of Harry Simms had been already much better written by himself than I could hope to do it; and, after

all, Harry Simms, like Jemmy Abershaw, was merely a robber. Both, though bold and extraordinary men,

were merely highwaymen. I questioned whether I could compose a tale likely to excite any particular interest

out of the exploits of a mere robber. I want a character for my hero, thought I, something higher than a mere

robber; some one like like Colonel B. By the way, why should I not write the life and adventures of

A truly singular man was this same Colonel B, of Londonderry in Ireland; a personage of most strange and

incredible feats and daring, who had been a partizan soldier, a bravo who, assisted by certain discontented

troopers, nearly succeeded in stealing the crown and regalia from the Tower of London; who attempted to

hang the Duke of Ormond at Tyburn; and whose strange, eventful career did not terminate even with his life,

his dead body, on the circulation of an unfounded report that he did not come to his death by fair means,

having been exhumed by the mob of his native place, where he had retired to die, and carried in the coffin

Of his life I had inserted an account in the NEWGATE LIVES AND TRIALS; it was bare and meagre, and

written in the stiff, awkward style of the seventeenth century; it had, however, strongly captivated my

imagination, and I now thought that out of it something better could be made; that, if I added to the

adventures, and purified the style, I might fashion out of it a very decent tale or novel. On a sudden, however,

the proverb of mending old garments with new cloth occurred to me. 'I am afraid,' said I, 'any new adventures

which I can invent will not fadge well with the old tale; one will but spoil the other.' I had better have nothing

to do with Colonel B, thought I, but boldly and independently sit down and write the life of Joseph Sell.

This Joseph Sell, dear reader, was a fictitious personage who had just come into my head. I had never even

heard of the name, but just at that moment it happened to come into my head; I would write an entirely

fictitious narrative, called the LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF JOSEPH SELL, the great traveller.

I had better begin at once, thought I; and removing the bread and the jug, which latter was now empty, I

seized pen and paper, and forthwith essayed to write the life of Joseph Sell, but soon discovered that it is

much easier to resolve upon a thing than to achieve it, or even to commence it; for the life of me I did not

know how to begin, and, after trying in vain to write a line, I thought it would be as well to go to bed, and

So I went to bed, but not to sleep. During the greater part of the night I lay awake, musing upon the work

which I had determined to execute. For a long time my brain was dry and unproductive; I could form no plan

which appeared feasible. At length I felt within my brain a kindly glow; it was the commencement of

inspiration; in a few minutes I had formed my plan; I then began to imagine the scenes and the incidents.

Scenes and incidents flitted before my mind's eye so plentifully, that I knew not how to dispose of them; I

was in a regular embarrassment. At length I got out of the difficulty in the easiest manner imaginable,

namely, by consigning to the depths of oblivion all the feebler and less stimulant scenes and incidents, and

retaining the better and more impressive ones. Before morning I had sketched the whole work on the tablets

of my mind, and then resigned myself to sleep in the pleasing conviction that the most difficult part of my

RATHER late in the morning I awoke; for a few minutes I lay still, perfectly still; my imagination was

considerably sobered; the scenes and situations which had pleased me so much over night appeared to me in a

far less captivating guise that morning. I felt languid and almost hopeless the thought, however, of my

situation soon roused me I must make an effort to improve the posture of my affairs; there was no time to

be lost; so I sprang out of bed, breakfasted on bread and water, and then sat down doggedly to write the life

It was a great thing to have formed my plan, and to have arranged the scenes in my head, as I had done on the

preceding night. The chief thing requisite at present was the mere mechanical act of committing them to

paper. This I did not find at first so easy as I could wish I wanted mechanical skill; but I persevered, and

before evening I had written ten pages. I partook of some bread and water; and before I went to bed that

The next day I resumed my task I found my power of writing considerably increased; my pen hurried

rapidly over the paper my brain was in a wonderfully teeming state; many scenes and visions which I had

not thought of before were evolved, and, as fast as evolved, written down; they seemed to be more pat to my

purpose, and more natural to my history, than many others which I had imagined before, and which I made

now give place to these newer creations: by about midnight I had added thirty fresh pages to my LIFE AND

The third day arose it was dark and dreary out of doors, and I passed it drearily enough within; my brain

appeared to have lost much of its former glow, and my pen much of its power; I, however, toiled on, but at

On the fourth day the sun shone brightly I arose, and, having breakfasted as usual, I fell to work. My brain

was this day wonderfully prolific, and my pen never before or since glided so rapidly over the paper; towards

night I began to feel strangely about the back part of my head, and my whole system was extraordinarily

affected. I likewise occasionally saw double a tempter now seemed to be at work within me.

'You had better leave off now for a short space,' said the tempter, 'and go out and drink a pint of beer; you

have still one shilling left if you go on at this rate, you will go mad go out and spend sixpence, you can

afford it, more than half your work is done.' I was about to obey the suggestion of the tempter, when the idea

struck me that, if I did not complete the work whilst the fit was on me, I should never complete it; so I held

on. I am almost afraid to state how many pages I wrote that day of the life of Joseph Sell.

From this time I proceeded in a somewhat more leisurely manner; but, as I drew nearer and nearer to the

completion of my task, dreadful fears and despondencies came over me. It will be too late, thought I; by the

time I have finished the work, the bookseller will have been supplied with a tale or a novel. Is it probable

that, in a town like this, where talent is so abundant hungry talent too a bookseller can advertise for a tale

or a novel, without being supplied with half a dozen in twentyfour hours? I may as well fling down my pen

I am writing to no purpose. And these thoughts came over my mind so often, that at last, in utter despair, I

flung down the pen. Whereupon the tempter within me said 'And, now you have flung down the pen, you

may as well fling yourself out of the window; what remains for you to do?' Why, to take it up again, thought I

to myself, for I did not like the latter suggestion at all and then forthwith I resumed the pen, and wrote with

greater vigour than before, from about six o'clock in the evening until I could hardly see, when I rested for a

while, when the tempter within me again said, or appeared to say 'All you have been writing is stuff, it will

never do a drug a mere drug'; and methought these last words were uttered in the gruff tones of the big

publisher. 'A thing merely to be sneezed at,' a voice like that of Taggart added; and then I seemed to hear a

sternutation, as I probably did, for, recovering from a kind of swoon, I found myself shivering with cold.

But the task of revision still remained; for an hour or two I shrank from it, and remained gazing stupidly at

the pile of paper which I had written over. I was all but exhausted, and I dreaded, on inspecting the sheets, to

find them full of absurdities which I had paid no regard to in the furor of composition. But the task, however

trying to my nerves, must be got over; at last, in a kind of desperation, I entered upon it. It was far from an

easy one; there were, however, fewer errors and absurdities than I had anticipated. About twelve o'clock at

night I had got over the task of revision. 'Tomorrow for the bookseller,' said I, as my head sank on the

Nervous look The bookseller's wife The last stake Terms God forbid! Will you come to tea? A

ON arriving at the bookseller's shop, I cast a nervous look at the window, for the purpose of observing

whether the paper had been removed or not. To my great delight the paper was in its place; with a beating

heart I entered, there was nobody in the shop; as I stood at the counter, however, deliberating whether or not I

should call out, the door of what seemed to be a backparlour opened, and out came a welldressed ladylike

female, of about thirty, with a goodlooking and intelligent countenance. 'What is your business, young

man?' said she to me, after I had made her a polite bow. 'I wish to speak to the gentleman of the house,' said I.

'My husband is not within at present,' she replied; 'what is your business?' 'I have merely brought something

to show him,' said I, 'but I will call again.' 'If you are the young gentleman who has been here before,' said the

lady, 'with poems and ballads, as, indeed, I know you are,' she added, smiling, 'for I have seen you through

the glass door, I am afraid it will be useless; that is,' she added with another smile, 'if you bring us nothing

else.' 'I have not brought you poems and ballads now,' said I, 'but something widely different; I saw your

advertisement for a tale or a novel, and have written something which I think will suit; and here it is,' I added,

showing the roll of paper which I held in my hand. 'Well,' said the bookseller's wife, 'you may leave it,

though I cannot promise you much chance of its being accepted. My husband has already had several offered

to him; however, you may leave it; give it me. Are you afraid to intrust it to me?' she demanded somewhat

hastily, observing that I hesitated. 'Excuse me,' said I, 'but it is all I have to depend upon in the world; I am

chiefly apprehensive that it will not be read.' 'On that point I can reassure you,' said the good lady, smiling,

and there was now something sweet in her smile. 'I give you my word that it shall be read; come again

tomorrow morning at eleven, when, if not approved, it shall be returned to you.'

I returned to my lodging, and forthwith betook myself to bed, notwithstanding the earliness of the hour. I felt

tolerably tranquil; I had now cast my last stake, and was prepared to abide by the result. Whatever that result

might be, I could have nothing to reproach myself with; I had strained all the energies which nature had given

me in order to rescue myself from the difficulties which surrounded me. I presently sank into a sleep, which

endured during the remainder of the day, and the whole of the succeeding night. I awoke about nine on the

morrow, and spent my last threepence on a breakfast somewhat more luxurious than the immediately

At the appointed hour I repaired to the house of the bookseller; the bookseller was in his shop. 'Ah,' said he,

as soon as I entered, 'I am glad to see you.' There was an unwonted heartiness in the bookseller's tones, an

unwonted benignity in his face. 'So,' said he, after a pause, 'you have taken my advice, written a book of

adventure; nothing like taking the advice, young man, of your superiors in age. Well, I think your book will

do, and so does my wife, for whose judgment I have a great regard; as well I may, as she is the daughter of a

firstrate novelist, deceased. I think I shall venture on sending your book to the press.' 'But,' said I, 'we have

not yet agreed upon terms.' 'Terms, terms,' said the bookseller; 'ahem! well, there is nothing like coming to

terms at once. I will print the book, and give you half the profit when the edition is sold.' 'That will not do,'

said I; 'I intend shortly to leave London: I must have something at once.' 'Ah, I see,' said the bookseller, 'in

distress; frequently the case with authors, especially young ones. Well, I don't care if I purchase it of you, but

you must be moderate; the public are very fastidious, and the speculation may prove a losing one after all. Let

me see, will five hem ' he stopped. I looked the bookseller in the face; there was something peculiar in it.

Suddenly it appeared to me as if the voice of him of the thimble sounded in my ear, 'Now is your time, ask

enough, never such another chance of establishing yourself; respectable trade, pea and thimble.' 'Well,' said I

at last, 'I have no objection to take the offer which you were about to make, though I really think fiveand

twenty guineas to be scarcely enough, everything considered.' 'Fiveandtwenty guineas!' said the

bookseller; 'are you what was I going to say I never meant to offer half as much I mean a quarter; I was

going to say five guineas I mean pounds; I will, however, make it up guineas.' 'That will not do,' said I; 'but,

as I find we shall not deal, return me my manuscript, that I may carry it to some one else.' The bookseller

looked blank. 'Dear me,' said he, 'I should never have supposed that you would have made any objection to

such an offer; I am quite sure that you would have been glad to take five pounds for either of the two huge

manuscripts of songs and ballads that you brought me on a former occasion.' 'Well,' said I, 'if you will engage

to publish either of those two manuscripts, you shall have the present one for five pounds.' 'God forbid that I

should make any such bargain!' said the bookseller; 'I would publish neither on any account; but, with respect

to this last book, I have really an inclination to print it, both for your sake and mine; suppose we say ten

pounds.' 'No,' said I, 'ten pounds will not do; pray restore me my manuscript.' 'Stay,' said the bookseller, 'my

wife is in the next room, I will go and consult her.' Thereupon he went into his back room, where I heard him

conversing with his wife in a low tone; in about ten minutes he returned. 'Young gentleman,' said he, 'perhaps

you will take tea with us this evening, when we will talk further over the matter.'

That evening I went and took tea with the bookseller and his wife, both of whom, particularly the latter,

overwhelmed me with civility. It was not long before I learned that the work had been already sent to the

press, and was intended to stand at the head of a series of entertaining narratives, from which my friends

promised themselves considerable profit. The subject of terms was again brought forward. I stood firm to my

first demand for a long time; when, however, the bookseller's wife complimented me on my production in the

highest terms, and said that she discovered therein the germs of genius, which she made no doubt would

some day prove ornamental to my native land, I consented to drop my demand to twenty pounds, stipulating,

Before I departed, I received the twenty pounds, and departed with a light heart to my lodgings.

Reader, amidst the difficulties and dangers of this life, should you ever be tempted to despair, call to mind

these latter chapters of the life of Lavengro. There are few positions, however difficult, from which dogged

Indisposition A resolution Poor equivalents The piece of gold Flashing eyes How beautiful Bon

I HAD long ago determined to leave London as soon as the means should be in my power, and, now that they

were, I determined to leave the Great City; yet I felt some reluctance to go. I would fain have pursued the

career of original authorship which had just opened itself to me, and have written other tales of adventure.

The bookseller had given me encouragement enough to do so; he had assured me that he should be always

happy to deal with me for an article (that was the word) similar to the one I had brought him, provided my

terms were moderate; and the bookseller's wife, by her complimentary language, had given me yet more

encouragement. But for some months past I had been far from well, and my original indisposition, brought on

partly by the peculiar atmosphere of the Big City, partly by anxiety of mind, had been much increased by the

exertions which I had been compelled to make during the last few days. I felt that, were I to remain where I

was, I should die, or become a confirmed valetudinarian. I would go forth into the country, travelling on foot,

and, by exercise and inhaling pure air, endeavour to recover my health, leaving my subsequent movements to

But whither should I bend my course? Once or twice I thought of walking home to the old town, stay some

time with my mother and my brother, and enjoy the pleasant walks in the neighbourhood; but, though I

wished very much to see my mother and my brother, and felt much disposed to enjoy the said pleasant walks,

the old town was not exactly the place to which I wished to go at this present juncture. I was afraid that

people would ask, Where are your Northern Ballads? Where are your alliterative translations from Ab

Gwilym of which you were always talking, and with which you promised to astonish the world? Now, in

the event of such interrogations, what could I answer? It is true I had compiled NEWGATE LIVES AND

TRIALS, and had written the life of Joseph Sell, but I was afraid that the people of the old town would

scarcely consider these as equivalents for the Northern Ballads and the songs of Ab Gwilym. I would go forth

But how one's sensibility on any particular point diminishes with time; at present I enter the old town

perfectly indifferent as to what the people may be thinking on the subject of the songs and ballads. With

respect to the people themselves, whether, like my sensibility, their curiosity has altogether evaporated,

whether, which is at least equally probable, they never entertained any, one thing is certain, that never in a

single instance have they troubled me with any remarks on the subject of the songs and ballads.

As it was my intention to travel on foot, with a bundle and a stick, I despatched my trunk containing some

few clothes and books to the old town. My preparations were soon made; in about three days I was in

Before departing, however, I bethought me of my old friend the applewoman of London Bridge.

Apprehensive that she might be labouring under the difficulties of poverty, I sent her a piece of gold by the

hands of a young maiden in the house in which I lived. The latter punctually executed her commission, but

brought me back the piece of gold. The old woman would not take it; she did not want it, she said. 'Tell the

Rather late one afternoon I departed from my lodging, with my stick in one hand and a small bundle in the

other, shaping my course to the southwest: when I first arrived, somewhat more than a year before, I had

entered the city by the northeast. As I was not going home, I determined to take my departure in the

Just as I was about to cross the street called the Haymarket, at the lower part, a cabriolet, drawn by a

magnificent animal, came dashing along at a furious rate; it stopped close by the curbstone where I was, a

sudden pull of the reins nearly bringing the spirited animal upon its haunches. The Jehu who had

accomplished this feat was Francis Ardry. A small beautiful female, with flashing eyes, dressed in the

'C'est mon ami le plus intime; so you were about to leave London, without telling me a word,' said Francis

'Is she not?' said Francis Ardry, who was holding in the mare with difficulty; 'she cost a hundred guineas.'

'Allons, mon ami, il est tard,' said the beauty, with a scornful toss of her head; 'allons!'

'Allons, c'est un ours,' said the lady; 'le cheval meme en a peur,' added she, as the mare reared up on high.

'Can you find nothing else to admire but the mare and the equipage?' said Francis Ardry, reproachfully, after

Lifting my hand, in which I held my stick, I took off my hat. 'How beautiful!' said I, looking the lady full in

'Mais, a la bonne heure! arretez, mon ami,' said the lady to Francis Ardry, who was about to drive off; 'je

voudrais bien causer un moment avec lui; arretez, il est delicieux. Estce bien ainsi que vous traitez vos

amis?' said she passionately, as Francis Ardry lifted up his whip. 'Bon jour, Monsieur, bon jour,' said she,

thrusting her head from the side and looking back, as Francis Ardry drove off at the rate of thirteen miles an

The milestone The meditation Want to get up? The offhand leader Sixteen shillings The

IN about two hours I had cleared the Great City, and got beyond the suburban villages, or rather towns, in the

direction in which I was travelling; I was in a broad and excellent road, leading I knew not whither. I now

slackened my pace, which had hitherto been great. Presently, coming to a milestone on which was graven

nine miles, I rested against it, and looking round towards the vast city, which had long ceased to be visible, I

I thought of all my ways and doings since the day of my first arrival in that vast city I had worked and

toiled, and, though I had accomplished nothing at all commensurate with the hopes which I had entertained

previous to my arrival, I had achieved my own living, preserved my independence, and become indebted to

no one. I was now quitting it, poor in purse, it is true, but not wholly empty; rather ailing it may be, but not

broken in health; and, with hope within my bosom, had I not cause upon the whole to be thankful? Perhaps

there were some who, arriving at the same time under not more favourable circumstances, had accomplished

much more, and whose future was far more hopeful Good! But there might be others who, in spite of all

their efforts, had been either trodden down in the press, never more to be heard of, or were quitting that

mighty town broken in purse, broken in health, and, oh! with not one dear hope to cheer them. Had I not,

My meditation over, I left the milestone and proceeded on my way in the same direction as before until the

night began to close in. I had always been a good pedestrian; but now, whether owing to indisposition or to

not having for some time past been much in the habit of taking such lengthy walks, I began to feel not a little

weary. Just as I was thinking of putting up for the night at the next inn or publichouse I should arrive at, I

heard what sounded like a coach coming up rapidly behind me. Induced, perhaps, by the weariness which I

felt, I stopped and looked wistfully in the direction of the sound; presently up came a coach, seemingly a

mail, drawn by four bounding horses there was no one upon it but the coachman and the guard; when

nearly parallel with me it stopped. 'Want to get up?' sounded a voice, in the true coachman like tone half

querulous, half authoritative. I hesitated; I was tired, it is true, but I had left London bound on a pedestrian

excursion, and I did not much like the idea of having recourse to a coach after accomplishing so very

inconsiderable a distance. 'Come, we can't be staying here all night,' said the voice, more sharply than before.

'I can ride a little way, and get down whenever I like,' thought I; and springing forward I clambered up the

coach, and was going to sit down upon the box, next the coachman. 'No, no,' said the coachman, who was a

man about thirty, with a hooked nose and red face, dressed in a fashionablycut greatcoat, with a fashionable

black castor on his head. 'No, no, keep behind the box ain't for the like of you,' said he, as he drove off; 'the

box is for lords, or gentlemen at least.' I made no answer. 'D that offhand leader,' said the coachman, as the

righthand front horse made a desperate start at something he saw in the road; and, half rising, he with great

dexterity hit with his long whip the offhand leader a cut on the off cheek. 'These seem to be fine horses,'

said I. The coachman made no answer. 'Nearly thoroughbred,' I continued; the coachman drew his breath,

with a kind of hissing sound, through his teeth. 'Come, young fellow, none of your chaff. Don't you think,

because you ride on my mail, I'm going to talk to you about 'orses. I talk to nobody about 'orses except lords.'

'Well,' said I, 'I have been called a lord in my time.' 'It must have been by a thimblerigger, then,' said the

coachman, bending back, and half turning his face round with a broad leer. 'You have hit the mark

wonderfully,' said I. 'You coachmen, whatever else you may be, are certainly no fools.' 'We ain't, ain't we?'

said the coachman. 'There you are right; and, to show you that you are, I'll now trouble you for your fare. If

you have been amongst the thimbleriggers you must be tolerably well cleared out. Where are you going?

to ? I think I have seen you there. The fare is sixteen shillings. Come, tip us the blunt; them that has no

Sixteen shillings was a large sum, and to pay it would make a considerable inroad on my slender finances; I

thought, at first, that I would say I did not want to go so far; but then the fellow would ask at once where I

wanted to go, and I was ashamed to acknowledge my utter ignorance of the road. I determined, therefore, to

pay the fare, with a tacit determination not to mount a coach in future without knowing whither I was going.

So I paid the man the money, who, turning round, shouted to the guard 'All right, Jem; got fare to '; and

forthwith whipped on his horses, especially the off hand leader, for whom he seemed to entertain a particular

A young moon gave a feeble light, partially illuminating a line of road which, appearing by no means

interesting, I the less regretted having paid my money for the privilege of being hurried along it in the flying

vehicle. We frequently changed horses; and at last my friend the coachman was replaced by another, the very

image of himself hawk nose, red face, with narrowrimmed hat and fashionable benjamin. After he had

driven about fifty yards, the new coachman fell to whipping one of the horses. 'D this near hand wheeler,'

said he, 'the brute has got a corn.' 'Whipping him won't cure him of his corn,' said I. 'Who told you to speak?'

said the driver, with an oath; 'mind your own business; 'tisn't from the like of you I am to learn to drive

'orses.' Presently I fell into a broken kind of slumber. In an hour or two I was aroused by a rough voice 'Got

to , young man; get down if you please.' I opened my eyes there was a dim and indistinct light, like that

which precedes dawn; the coach was standing still in something like a street; just below me stood the guard.

'Do you mean to get down,' said he, 'or will you keep us here till morning? other fares want to get up.'

Scarcely knowing what I did, I took my bundle and stick and descended, whilst two people mounted. 'All

right, John,' said the guard to the coachman, springing up behind; whereupon off whisked the coach, one or

The still hour A thrill The wondrous circle The shepherd Heaps and barrows What do you mean?

AFTER standing still a minute or two, considering what I should do, I moved down what appeared to be the

street of a small straggling town; presently I passed by a church, which rose indistinctly on my right hand;

anon there was the rustling of foliage and the rushing of waters. I reached a bridge, beneath which a small

stream was running in the direction of the south. I stopped and leaned over the parapet, for I have always

loved to look upon streams, especially at the still hours. 'What stream is this, I wonder?' said I, as I looked

Leaving the bridge, I ascended a gentle acclivity, and presently reached what appeared to be a tract of moory

undulating ground. It was now tolerably light, but there was a mist or haze abroad which prevented my seeing

objects with much precision. I felt chill in the damp air of the early morn, and walked rapidly forward. In

about half an hour I arrived where the road divided into two, at an angle or tongue of dark green sward. 'To

the right or the left?' said I, and forthwith took, without knowing why, the lefthand road, along which I

proceeded about a hundred yards, when, in the midst of the tongue of sward formed by the two roads,

collaterally with myself, I perceived what I at first conceived to be a small grove of blighted trunks of oaks,

barked and gray. I stood still for a moment, and then, turning off the road, advanced slowly towards it over

the sward; as I drew nearer, I perceived that the objects which had attracted my curiosity, and which formed a

kind of circle, were not trees, but immense upright stones. A thrill pervaded my system; just before me were

two, the mightiest of the whole, tall as the stems of proud oaks, supporting on their tops a huge transverse

stone, and forming a wonderful doorway. I knew now where I was, and, laying down my stick and bundle,

and taking off my hat, I advanced slowly, and cast myself it was folly, perhaps, but I could not help what I

did cast myself, with my face on the dewy earth, in the middle of the portal of giants, beneath the transverse

And after I had remained with my face on the ground for some time, I arose, placed my hat on my head, and,

taking up my stick and bundle, wandered round the wondrous circle, examining each individual stone, from

the greatest to the least; and then, entering by the great door, seated myself upon an immense broad stone,

one side of which was supported by several small ones, and the other slanted upon the earth; and there, in

deep meditation, I sat for an hour or two, till the sun shone in my face above the tall stones of the eastern

And as I still sat there, I heard the noise of bells, and presently a large number of sheep came browsing past

the circle of stones; two or three entered, and grazed upon what they could find, and soon a man also entered

'Early here, sir,' said the man, who was tall, and dressed in a dark green slop, and had all the appearance of a

'They are, sir; that is, they are my master's. A strange place this, sir,' said he, looking at the stones; 'ever here

'Heard of the stones, I suppose; no wonder all the people of the plain talk of them.'

'Strange heaps, and barrows, and great walls of earth built on the tops of hills.'

'So sure as the world,' said the man; 'and, as the world, they will stand as long.'

'Just so.' At this moment a fine ewe, attended by a lamb, rushed into the circle and fondled the knees of the

'Because, so be there be no sheep, no milk, you know; and what there ben't is not worth having.'

'You could not have argued better,' said I; 'that is, supposing you have argued; with respect to the milk you

'Be still, Nanny,' said the man; and producing a tin vessel from his scrip, he milked the ewe into it. 'Here is

'Where are those barrows and great walls of earth you were speaking of?' said I, after I had drunk some of the

'Not within many miles; the nearest is yonder away,' said the shepherd, pointing to the southeast. 'It's a

grand place, that, but not like this; quite different, and from it you have a sight of the finest spire in the

'I must go to it,' said I, and I drank the remainder of the milk; 'yonder, you say.'

'Yes, yonder; but you cannot get to it in that direction, the river lies between.'

'The men who are supposed to have worshipped God in this place, and who raised these stones.'

'Our forefathers slaughtered them, spilled their blood all about, especially in this neighbourhood, destroyed

their pleasant places, and left not, to use their own words, one stone upon another.'

'And it is well for them they did; whenever that stone, which English hands never raised, is by English hands

thrown down, woe, woe, woe to the English race; spare it, English! Hengist spared it! Here is sixpence.'

'I never receive presents; with respect to the stones, I say with yourself, How did they ever come here?'

LEAVING the shepherd, I bent my way in the direction pointed out by him as that in which the most

remarkable of the strange remains of which he had spoken lay. I proceeded rapidly, making my way over the

downs covered with coarse grass and fern; with respect to the river of which he had spoken, I reflected that,

either by wading or swimming, I could easily transfer myself and what I bore to the opposite side. On

arriving at its banks, I found it a beautiful stream, but shallow, with here and there a deep place where the

Always fond of the pure lymph, I undressed, and plunged into one of these gulfs, from which I emerged, my

whole frame in a glow, and tingling with delicious sensations. After conveying my clothes and scanty

baggage to the farther side, I dressed, and then with hurried steps bent my course in the direction of some

lofty ground; I at length found myself on a highroad, leading over wide and arid downs; following the road

for some miles without seeing anything remarkable, I supposed at length that I had taken the wrong path, and

wended on slowly and disconsolately for some time, till, having nearly surmounted a steep hill, I knew at

once, from certain appearances, that I was near the object of my search. Turning to the right near the brow of

the hill, I proceeded along a path which brought me to a causeway leading over a deep ravine, and connecting

the hill with another which had once formed part of it, for the ravine was evidently the work of art. I passed

over the causeway, and found myself in a kind of gateway which admitted me into a square space of many

acres, surrounded on all sides by mounds or ramparts of earth. Though I had never been in such a place

before, I knew that I stood within the precincts of what had been a Roman encampment, and one probably of

the largest size, for many thousand warriors might have found room to perform their evolutions in that space,

After I had gazed about the space for a time, standing in the gateway formed by the mounds, I clambered up

the mound to the left hand, and on the top of that mound I found myself at a great altitude; beneath, at the

distance of a mile, was a fair old city, situated amongst verdant meadows, watered with streams, and from the

heart of that old city, from amidst mighty trees, I beheld towering to the sky the finest spire in the world.

And after I had looked from the Roman rampart for a long time, I hurried away, and, retracing my steps along

the causeway, regained the road, and, passing over the brow of the hill, descended to the city of the spire.

The hostelry Life uncertain Open countenance The grand point Thank you, master A hard mother

Poor dear! Considerable odds The better country English fashion Landlordlooking person.

AND in the old city I remained two days, passing my time as I best could inspecting the curiosities of the

place, eating and drinking when I felt so disposed, which I frequently did, the digestive organs having

assumed a tone to which for many months they had been strangers enjoying at night balmy sleep in a large

bed in a dusky room, at the end of a corridor, in a certain hostelry in which I had taken up my quarters

receiving from the people of the hostelry such civility and condescension as people who travel on foot with

bundle and stick, but who nevertheless are perceived to be not altogether destitute of coin, are in the habit of

receiving. On the third day, on a fine sunny afternoon, I departed from the city of the spire.

As I was passing through one of the suburbs, I saw, all on a sudden, a respectablelooking female fall down

in a fit; several persons hastened to her assistance. 'She is dead,' said one. 'No, she is not,' said another. 'I am

afraid she is,' said a third. 'Life is very uncertain,' said a fourth. 'It is Mrs. ,' said a fifth; 'let us carry her to

her own house.' Not being able to render any assistance, I left the poor female in the hands of her townsfolk,

and proceeded on my way. I had chosen a road in the direction of the northwest, it led over downs where

corn was growing, but where neither tree nor hedge was to be seen; two or three hours' walking brought me

to a beautiful valley, abounding with trees of various kinds, with a delightful village at its farthest extremity;

passing through it, I ascended a lofty acclivity, on the top of which I sat down on a bank, and, taking off my

hat, permitted a breeze, which swept coolly and refreshingly over the downs, to dry my hair, dripping from

And as I sat there, gazing now at the blue heavens, now at the downs before me, a man came along the road

in the direction in which I had hitherto been proceeding: just opposite to me he stopped, and, looking at me,

He was dressed like a sailor, and appeared to be between twenty five and thirty years of age he had an

open manly countenance, and there was a bold and fearless expression in his eye.

'Yes,' said I, in reply to his question; 'this is one of the ways to London. Do you come from far?'

'No,' said the man; 'but I had to visit two or three other places on certain commissions I was intrusted with;

amongst others to , where I had to take a small sum of money. I am rather tired, master; and, if you please, I

'You have as much right to sit down here as I have,' said I; 'the road is free for every one; as for sitting down

beside me, you have the look of an honest man, and I have no objection to your company.'

'Why, as for being honest, master,' said the man, laughing and sitting down by me, 'I haven't much to say

many is the wild thing I have done when I was younger; however, what is done, is done. To learn, one must

'I was not bred a sailor,' said the man, 'though, when my foot is on the salt water, I can play the part and

'No,' said the man, with something of a bitter smile; 'it was something else that made you say so; you were

'Thank you, master,' said the man cheerfully; 'and, to a certain extent, you are right bygones are bygones I

am no longer what I was, nor ever will be again; the truth, however, is the truth a convict I have been a

'And you have served out the period for which you were sentenced, and are now returned?'

'As to serving out my sentence,' replied the man, 'I can't say that I did; I was sentenced for fourteen years, and

I was in Sydney Cove little more than half that time. The truth is that I did the Government a service. There

was a conspiracy amongst some of the convicts to murder and destroy I overheard and informed the

Government; mind one thing, however, I was not concerned in it; those who got it up were no comrades of

mine, but a bloody gang of villains. Well, the Government, in consideration of the service I had done them,

remitted the remainder of my sentence; and some kind gentlemen interested themselves about me, gave me

good books and good advice, and, being satisfied with my conduct, procured me employ in an exploring

expedition, by which I earned money. In fact, the being sent to Sydney was the best thing that ever happened

'And you have now returned to your native country. Longing to see home brought you from New South

'There you are mistaken,' said the man. 'Wish to see England again would never have brought me so far; for,

to tell you the truth, master, England was a hard mother to me, as she has proved to many. No, a wish to see

'She used to live in London,' said the man; 'but I am afraid she is long since dead.'

'Support herself! with difficulty enough; she used to keep a small stall on London Bridge, where she sold

fruit; I am afraid she is dead, and that she died perhaps in misery. She was a poor sinful creature; but I loved

her, and she loved me. I came all the way back merely for the chance of seeing her.'

'I wrote to her myself,' said the man, 'about two years ago; but I never received an answer. I learned to write

very tolerably over there, by the assistance of the good people I spoke of. As for reading, I could do that very

well before I went my poor mother taught me to read, out of a book that she was very fond of; a strange

book it was, I remember. Poor dear! what I would give only to know that she is alive.'

'We are here one moment, and gone the next,' I continued. 'As I passed through the streets of a neighbouring

town, I saw a respectable woman drop down, and people said she was dead. Who knows but that she too had

'Who knows, indeed?' said the man. 'Ah, I am afraid my mother is dead. Well, God's will be done.'

'I should not wonder at all,' said I; 'indeed, something within me seems to tell me you will; I should not much

mind betting five shillings to fivepence that you will see your mother within a week. Now, friend, five

'Is very considerable odds,' said the man, rubbing his hands; 'sure you must have good reason to hope, when

'After all,' said I, 'it not unfrequently happens that those who lay the long odds lose. Let us hope, however.

'I scarcely know,' said the man; 'I have frequently thought that if I found my mother alive I would attempt to

persuade her to accompany me to the country which I have left it is a better country for a man that is, a

free man to live in than this; however, let me first find my mother if I could only find my mother '

'Farewell,' said I, rising. 'Go your way, and God go with you I will go mine.' 'I have but one thing to ask

you,' said the man. 'What is that?' I inquired. 'That you would drink with me before we part you have done

me so much good.' 'How should we drink?' said I; 'we are on the top of a hill where there is nothing to drink.'

'But there is a village below,' said the man; 'do let us drink before we part.' 'I have been through that village

already,' said I, 'and I do not like turning back.' 'Ah,' said the man, sorrowfully, 'you will not drink with me

because I told you I was ' 'You are quite mistaken,' said I, 'I would as soon drink with a convict as with a

judge. I am by no means certain that, under the same circumstances, the judge would be one whit better than

the convict. Come along! I will go back to oblige you. I have an odd sixpence in my pocket, which I will

change that I may drink with you.' So we went down the hill together to the village through which I had

already passed, where, finding a publichouse, we drank together in true English fashion, after which we

After walking about a dozen miles, I came to a town, where I rested for the night. The next morning I set out

again in the direction of the northwest. I continued journeying for four days, my daily journeys varying

from twenty to twentyfive miles. During this time nothing occurred to me worthy of any especial notice.

The weather was brilliant, and I rapidly improved both in strength and spirits. On the fifth day, about two

o'clock, I arrived at a small town. Feeling hungry, I entered a decentlooking inn within a kind of bar I saw

a huge, fat, landlordlooking person, with a very pretty, smartlydressed maiden. Addressing myself to the

Primitive habits Rosyfaced damsel A pleasant moment Suit of black The furtive glance The

'YOUNG gentleman,' said the huge fat landlord, 'you are come at the right time; dinner will be taken up in a

few minutes, and such a dinner,' he continued, rubbing his hands, 'as you will not see every day in these

'Jenny!' said the huge landlord, with the utmost gravity, 'show the gentleman into number seven, that he may

'By no means,' said I, 'I am a person of primitive habits, and there is nothing like the pump in weather like

'Jenny,' said the landlord, with the same gravity as before, 'go with the young gentleman to the pump in the

Thereupon the rosyfaced cleanlooking damsel went to a drawer, and producing a large, thick, but snowy

white towel, she nodded to me to follow her; whereupon I followed Jenny through a long passage into the

And at the end of the back kitchen there stood a pump; and going to it I placed my hands beneath the spout,

and said, 'Pump, Jenny'; and Jenny incontinently, without laying down the towel, pumped with one hand, and

And, when my hands were washed and cooled, I took off my neckcloth, and, unbuttoning my shirt collar, I

placed my head beneath the spout of the pump, and I said unto Jenny, 'Now, Jenny, lay down the towel, and

Thereupon Jenny, placing the towel on a linenhorse, took the handle of the pump with both hands and

pumped over my head as handmaid had never pumped before; so that the water poured in torrents from my

And, after the lapse of somewhat more than a minute, I called out with a halfstrangled voice, 'Hold, Jenny!'

and Jenny desisted. I stood for a few moments to recover my breath, then taking the towel which Jenny

proffered, I dried composedly my hands and head, my face and hair; then, returning the towel to Jenny, I gave

Then, having set my dress to rights, and combed my hair with a pocket comb, I followed Jenny, who

conducted me back through the long passage, and showed me into a neat sanded parlour on the groundfloor.

I sat down by a window which looked out upon the dusty street; presently in came the handmaid, and

commenced laying the table cloth. 'Shall I spread the table for one, sir,' said she, 'or do you expect anybody

to dine with you?' 'I can't say that I expect anybody,' said I, laughing inwardly to myself; 'however, if you

please you can lay for two, so that if any acquaintance of mine should chance to step in, he may find a knife

So I sat by the window, sometimes looking out upon the dusty street, and now glancing at certain

oldfashioned prints which adorned the wall over against me. I fell into a kind of doze, from which I was

almost instantly awakened by the opening of the door. Dinner, thought I; and I sat upright in my chair. No; a

man of the middle age, and rather above the middle height, dressed in a plain suit of black, made his

appearance, and sat down in a chair at some distance from me, but near to the table, and appeared to be lost in

'Would you like to see the newspaper?' said I, taking up one which lay upon the window seat.

'I never read newspapers,' said the stranger, 'nor, indeed, ' Whatever it might be that he had intended to say

he left unfinished. Suddenly he walked to the mantelpiece at the farther end of the room, before which he

placed himself with his back towards me. There he remained motionless for some time; at length, raising his

hand, he touched the corner of the mantelpiece with his finger, advanced towards the chair which he had left,

'Have you come far?' said he, suddenly looking towards me, and speaking in a frank and open manner, which

denoted a wish to enter into conversation. 'You do not seem to be of this place.'

'I come from some distance,' said I; 'indeed, I am walking for exercise, which I find as necessary to the mind

as the body. I believe that by exercise people would escape much mental misery.'

Scarcely had I uttered these words when the stranger laid his hand, with seeming carelessness, upon the table,

near one of the glasses; after a moment or two he touched the glass with his finger as if inadvertently, then,

'From this vicinity,' replied the stranger. 'You think, then, that it is as easy to walk off the bad humours of the

'I wish you may be successful,' said the stranger; and here he touched one of the forks which lay on the table

Here the door, which was slightly ajar, was suddenly pushed open with some fracas, and in came the stout

landlord, supporting with some difficulty an immense dish, in which was a mighty round mass of smoking

meat garnished all round with vegetables; so high was the mass that it probably obstructed his view, for it

was not until he had placed it upon the table that he appeared to observe the stranger; he almost started, and

quite out of breath exclaimed, 'God bless me, your honour; is your honour the acquaintance that the young

There is nothing like putting a good face upon these matters, thought I to myself; and, getting up, I bowed to

the unknown. 'Sir,' said I, 'when I told Jenny that she might lay the table cloth for two, so that in the event of

any acquaintance dropping in he might find a knife and fork ready for him, I was merely jocular, being an

entire stranger in these parts, and expecting no one. Fortune, however, it would seem, has been unexpectedly

kind to me; I flatter myself, sir, that since you have been in this room I have had the honour of making your

acquaintance; and in the strength of that hope I humbly entreat you to honour me with your company to

'Sir,' I continued, 'the round of beef is a noble one, and seems exceedingly well boiled, and the landlord was

just right when he said I should have such a dinner as is not seen every day. A round of beef, at any rate such

a round of beef as this, is seldom seen smoking upon the table in these degenerate times. Allow me, sir,' said

I, observing that the stranger was about to speak, 'allow me another remark. I think I saw you just now touch

the fork; I venture to hail it as an omen that you will presently seize it, and apply it to its proper purpose, and

'Do, sir,' here put in the landlord; 'do, sir, accept the young gentleman's invitation. Your honour has of late

been looking poorly, and the young gentleman is a funny young gentleman, and a clever young gentleman;

and I think it will do your honour good to have a dinner's chat with the young gentleman.'

'It is not my dinner hour,' said the stranger; 'I dine considerably later; taking anything now would only

discompose me; I shall, however, be most happy to sit down with the young gentleman; reach me that paper,

and, when the young gentleman has satisfied his appetite, we may perhaps have a little chat together.'

The landlord handed the stranger the newspaper, and, bowing, retired with his maid Jenny. I helped myself to

a portion of the smoking round, and commenced eating with no little appetite. The stranger appeared to be

soon engrossed with the newspaper. We continued thus a considerable time the one reading and the other

dining. Chancing suddenly to cast my eyes upon the stranger, I saw his brow contract; he gave a slight stamp

with his foot, and flung the newspaper to the ground, then stooping down he picked it up, first moving his

'Do you hope, sir,' said I, 'by that ceremony with the finger to preserve yourself from the evil chance?'

The stranger started; then, after looking at me for some time in silence, he said, 'Is it possible that you ?'

'Ay, ay,' said I, helping myself to some more of the round; 'I have touched myself in my younger days, both

for the evil chance and the good. Can't say, though, that I ever trusted much in the ceremony.'

The stranger made no reply, but appeared to be in deep thought; nothing farther passed between us until I had

concluded the dinner, when I said to him, 'I shall now be most happy, sir, to have the pleasure of your

The stranger rose; 'No, my young friend,' said he, smiling, 'that would scarce be fair. It is my turn now pray

do me the favour to go home with me, and accept what hospitality my poor roof can offer; to tell you the

truth, I wish to have some particular discourse with you which would hardly be possible in this place. As for

wine, I can give you some much better than you can get here: the landlord is an excellent fellow, but he is an

innkeeper after all. I am going out for a moment, and will send him in, so that you may settle your account; I

I looked in the face of the stranger it was a fine intelligent face, with a cast of melancholy in it. 'Sir,' said I,

'Who is that gentleman?' said I to the landlord, after I had settled his bill; 'I am going home with him.'

'I wish I were going too,' said the fat landlord, laying his hand upon his stomach. 'Young gentleman, I shall be

a loser by his honour's taking you away; but, after all, the truth is the truth there are few gentlemen in these

parts like his honour, either for learning or welcoming his friends. Young gentleman, I congratulate you.'

New acquaintance Old French style The portrait Taciturnity The evergreen tree The dark hour

The flash Ancestors A fortunate man A posthumous child Antagonist ideas The hawks Flaws

The pony Irresistible impulse Favourable crisis The topmost branch Twenty feet Heartily ashamed.

I FOUND the stranger awaiting me at the door of the inn. 'Like yourself, I am fond of walking,' said he, 'and

We were soon out of the town, and in a very beautiful country. After proceeding some distance on the

highroad, we turned off, and were presently in one of those mazes of lanes for which England is famous; the

stranger at first seemed inclined to be taciturn; a few observations, however, which I made appeared to rouse

him, and he soon exhibited not only considerable powers of conversation, but stores of information which

surprised me. So pleased did I become with my new acquaintance that I soon ceased to pay the slightest

attention either to place or distance. At length the stranger was silent, and I perceived that we had arrived at a

handsome iron gate and a lodge; the stranger having rung a bell, the gate was opened by an old man, and we

proceeded along a gravel path, which in about five minutes brought us to a large brick house, built something

in the old French style, having a spacious lawn before it, and immediately in front a pond in which were

golden fish, and in the middle a stone swan discharging quantities of water from its bill. We ascended a

spacious flight of steps to the door, which was at once flung open, and two servants with powdered hair and

in livery of blue plush came out and stood one on either side as we passed the threshold. We entered a large

hall, and the stranger, taking me by the hand, welcomed me to his poor home, as he called it, and then gave

orders to another servant, but out of livery, to show me to an apartment, and give me whatever assistance I

might require in my toilet. Notwithstanding the plea as to primitive habits which I had lately made to my

other host in the town, I offered no objection to this arrangement, but followed the bowing domestic to a

spacious and airy chamber, where he rendered me all those little nameless offices which the somewhat

neglected state of my dress required. When everything had been completed to my perfect satisfaction, he told

me that if I pleased he would conduct me to the library, where dinner would be speedily served.

In the library I found a table laid for two; my host was not there, having as I supposed not been quite so

speedy with his toilet as his guest. Left alone, I looked round the apartment with inquiring eyes; it was long

and tolerably lofty, the walls from the top to the bottom were lined with cases containing books of all sizes

and bindings; there was a globe or two, a couch, and an easychair. Statues and busts there were none, and

only one painting, a portrait, that of my host, but not him of the mansion. Over the mantelpiece, the features

staringly like, but so ridiculously exaggerated that they scarcely resembled those of a human being, daubed

evidently by the hand of the commonest signartist, hung a halflength portrait of him of round of beef

I had been in the library about ten minutes, amusing myself as I best could, when my friend entered; he

seemed to have resumed his taciturnity scarce a word escaped his lips till dinner was served, when he said,

'I don't know,' said I, seating myself; 'your first course consists of troutlets, I am fond of troutlets, and I

The dinner was excellent, though I did but little justice to it from the circumstance of having already dined;

the stranger also, though without my excuse, partook but slightly of the good cheer; he still continued

taciturn, and appeared lost in thought, and every attempt which I made to induce him to converse was

And now dinner was removed, and we sat over our wine, and I remember that the wine was good, and fully

justified the encomiums of my host of the town. Over the wine I made sure that my entertainer would have

loosened the chain which seemed to tie his tongue but no! I endeavoured to tempt him by various topics,

and talked of geometry and the use of the globes, of the heavenly sphere, and the star Jupiter, which I said I

had heard was a very large star, also of the evergreen tree, which, according to Olaus, stood of old before the

heathen temple of Upsal, and which I affirmed was a yew but no, nothing that I said could induce my

It grew dark, and I became uncomfortable. 'I must presently be going,' I at last exclaimed.

At these words he gave a sudden start; 'Going,' said he, 'are you not my guest, and an honoured one?'

'You know best,' said I; 'but I was apprehensive I was an intruder; to several of my questions you have

'Ten thousand pardons!' he exclaimed, seizing me by the hand; 'but you cannot go now, I have much to talk to

'If it be the evergreen tree at Upsal,' said I, interrupting him, 'I hold it to have been a yew what else? The

evergreens of the south, as the old bishop observes, will not grow in the north, and a pine was unfitted for

such a locality, being a vulgar tree. What else could it have been but the yew the sacred yew which our

ancestors were in the habit of planting in their churchyards? Moreover, I affirm it to have been the yew for

the honour of the tree; for I love the yew, and had I home and land, I would have one growing before my

'You would do right, the yew is indeed a venerable tree, but it is not about the yew.'

'Nor the star Jupiter, nor its moons; an observation which escaped you at the inn has made a considerable

And as I uttered these latter words the stranger touched rapidly something which lay near him I forget what

it was. It was the first action of the kind which I had observed on his part since we sat down to table.

'You allude to the evil chance,' said I; 'but it is getting both dark and late.'

'I believe we are going to have a storm,' said my friend, 'but I really hope that you will give me your company

'Well,' said I, 'I shall be most happy to be your guest for this night; I am ignorant of the country, and it is not

It had become very dark; suddenly a blaze of sheet lightning illumed the room. By the momentary light I

'Not unless you particularly wish it,' said my entertainer; 'I rather like the dark, and though a storm is

evidently at hand, neither thunder nor lightning has any terrors for me. It is other things I quake at I should

And then my entertainer asked me various questions, to all of which I answered unreservedly; he was then

silent for some time, at last he exclaimed, 'I should wish to tell you the history of my life though not an

Without waiting for my reply he began. Amidst darkness and gloom, occasionally broken by flashes of

lightning, the stranger related to me, as we sat at table in the library, his truly touching history.

'Before proceeding to relate the events of my life, it will not be amiss to give you some account of my

ancestors. My great grandfather on the male side was a silk mercer, in Cheapside, who, when he died, left

his son, who was his only child, a fortune of one hundred thousand pounds and a splendid business; the son,

however, had no inclination for trade, the summit of his ambition was to be a country gentleman, to found a

family, and to pass the remainder of his days in rural ease and dignity, and all this he managed to accomplish;

he disposed of his business, purchased a beautiful and extensive estate for fourscore thousand pounds, built

upon it the mansion to which I had the honour of welcoming you to day, married the daughter of a

neighbouring squire, who brought him a fortune of five thousand pounds, became a magistrate, and only

wanted a son and heir to make him completely happy; this blessing, it is true, was for a long time denied him;

it came, however, at last, as is usual, when least expected. His lady was brought to bed of my father, and then

who so happy a man as my grandsire; he gave away two thousand pounds in charities, and in the joy of his

heart made a speech at the next quarter sessions; the rest of his life was spent in ease, tranquillity, and rural

dignity; he died of apoplexy on the day that my father came of age; perhaps it would be difficult to mention a

man who in all respects was so fortunate as my grandfather: his death was sudden it is true, but I am not one

'I should not call my father a fortunate man; it is true that he had the advantage of a firstrate education; that

he made the grand tour with a private tutor, as was the fashion at that time; that he came to a splendid fortune

on the very day that he came of age; that for many years he tasted all the diversions of the capital that, at last

determined to settle, he married the sister of a baronet, an amiable and accomplished lady, with a large

fortune; that he had the best stud of hunters in the county, on which, during the season, he followed the fox

gallantly; had he been a fortunate man he would never have cursed his fate, as he was frequently known to

do; ten months after his marriage his horse fell upon him, and so injured him, that he expired in a few days in

great agony. My grandfather was, indeed, a fortunate man; when he died he was followed to the grave by the

'Two remarkable circumstances are connected with my birth I am a posthumous child, and came into the

world some weeks before the usual time, the shock which my mother experienced at my father's death having

brought on the pangs of premature labour; both my mother's life and my own were at first despaired of; we

both, however, survived the crisis. My mother loved me with the most passionate fondness, and I was

'I have already told you that mine is not a tale of adventure; my life has not been one of action, but of wild

imaginings and strange sensations; I was born with excessive sensibility, and that has been my bane. I have

'No one is fortunate unless he is happy, and it is impossible for a being constructed like myself to be happy

for an hour, or even enjoy peace and tranquillity; most of our pleasures and pains are the effects of

imagination, and wherever the sensibility is great, the imagination is great also. No sooner has my

imagination raised up an image of pleasure, than it is sure to conjure up one of distress and gloom; these two

antagonist ideas instantly commence a struggle in my mind, and the gloomy one generally, I may say

'It has invariably been so with me from the earliest period that I can remember; the first playthings that were

given me caused me for a few minutes excessive pleasure: they were pretty and glittering; presently,

however, I became anxious and perplexed, I wished to know their history, how they were made, and what of

were the materials precious? I was not satisfied with their outward appearance. In less than an hour I had

'When I was eight years of age my uncle the baronet, who was also my godfather, sent me a pair of Norway

hawks, with directions for managing them; he was a great fowler. Oh, how rejoiced was I with the present

which had been made me, my joy lasted for at least five minutes; I would let them breed, I would have a

house of hawks; yes, that I would but and here came the unpleasant idea suppose they were to flyaway,

how very annoying! Ah, but, said hope, there's little fear of that; feed them well and they will never fly away,

or if they do they will come back, my uncle says so; so sunshine triumphed for a little time. Then the

strangest of all doubts came into my head; I doubted the legality of my tenure of these hawks; how did I come

by them? why, my uncle gave them to me, but how did they come into his possession? what right had he to

them? after all, they might not be his to give. I passed a sleepless night. The next morning I found that the

man who brought the hawks had not departed. "How came my uncle by these hawks?" I anxiously inquired.

"They were sent to him from Norway, master, with another pair." "And who sent them?" "That I don't know,

master, but I suppose his honour can tell you." I was even thinking of scrawling a letter to my uncle to make

inquiry on this point, but shame restrained me, and I likewise reflected that it would be impossible for him to

give my mind entire satisfaction; it is true he could tell who sent him the hawks, but how was he to know

how the hawks came into the possession of those who sent them to him, and by what right they possessed

them or the parents of the hawks? In a word, I wanted a clear valid title, as lawyers would say, to my hawks,

and I believe no title would have satisfied me that did not extend up to the time of the first hawk, that is, prior

to Adam; and, could I have obtained such a title, I make no doubt that, young as I was, I should have

'I was now disgusted with the hawks, and no wonder, seeing all the disquietude they had caused me; I soon

totally neglected the poor birds, and they would have starved had not some of the servants taken compassion

upon them and fed them. My uncle, soon hearing of my neglect, was angry, and took the birds away; he was a

very good natured man, however, and soon sent me a fine pony; at first I was charmed with the pony, soon,

however, the same kind of thoughts arose which had disgusted me on a former occasion. How did my uncle

become possessed of the pony? This question I asked him the first time I saw him. Oh, he had bought it of a

gypsy, that I might learn to ride upon it. A gypsy; I had heard that gypsies were great thieves, and I instantly

began to fear that the gypsy had stolen the pony, and it is probable that for this apprehension I had better

grounds than for many others. I instantly ceased to set any value upon the pony, but for that reason, perhaps, I

turned it to some account; I mounted it and rode it about, which I don't think I should have done had I looked

upon it as a secure possession. Had I looked upon my title as secure, I should have prized it so much, that I

should scarcely have mounted it for fear of injuring the animal; but now, caring not a straw for it, I rode it

most unmercifully, and soon became a capital rider. This was very selfish in me, and I tell the fact with

shame. I was punished, however, as I deserved; the pony had a spirit of its own, and, moreover, it had

belonged to gypsies; once, as I was riding it furiously over the lawn, applying both whip and spur, it suddenly

lifted up its heels, and flung me at least five yards over its head. I received some desperate contusions, and

'But it is time for me to come to the touching part of my story. There was one thing that I loved better than

the choicest gift which could be bestowed upon me, better than life itself my mother; at length she

became unwell, and the thought that I might possibly lose her now rushed into my mind for the first time; it

was terrible, and caused me unspeakable misery, I may say horror. My mother became worse, and I was not

allowed to enter her apartment, lest by my frantic exclamations of grief I might aggravate her disorder. I

rested neither day nor night, but roamed about the house like one distracted. Suddenly I found myself doing

that which even at the time struck me as being highly singular; I found myself touching particular objects that

were near me, and to which my fingers seemed to be attracted by an irresistible impulse. It was now the table

or the chair that I was compelled to touch; now the bellrope; now the handle of the door; now I would touch

the wall, and the next moment, stooping down, I would place the point of my finger upon the floor: and so I

continued to do day after day; frequently I would struggle to resist the impulse, but invariably in vain. I have

even rushed away from the object, but I was sure to return, the impulse was too strong to be resisted: I

quickly hurried back, compelled by the feeling within me to touch the object. Now I need not tell you that

what impelled me to these actions was the desire to prevent my mother's death; whenever I touched any

particular object, it was with the view of baffling the evil chance, as you would call it in this instance my

'A favourable crisis occurred in my mother's complaint, and she recovered; this crisis took place about six

o'clock in the morning; almost simultaneously with it there happened to myself a rather remarkable

circumstance connected with the nervous feeling which was rioting in my system. I was lying in bed in a kind

of uneasy doze, the only kind of rest which my anxiety on account of my mother permitted me at this time to

take, when all at once I sprang up as if electrified; the mysterious impulse was upon me, and it urged me to

go without delay, and climb a stately elm behind the house, and touch the topmost branch; otherwise you

know the rest the evil chance would prevail. Accustomed for some time as I had been, under this impulse,

to perform extravagant actions, I confess to you that the difficulty and peril of such a feat startled me; I

reasoned against the feeling, and strove more strenuously than I had ever done before; I even made a solemn

vow not to give way to the temptation, but I believe nothing less than chains, and those strong ones, could

have restrained me. The demoniac influence, for I can call it nothing else, at length prevailed; it compelled

me to rise, to dress myself, to descend the stairs, to unbolt the door, and to go forth; it drove me to the foot of

the tree, and it compelled me to climb the trunk; this was a tremendous task, and I only accomplished it after

repeated falls and trials. When I had got amongst the branches, I rested for a time, and then set about

accomplishing the remainder of the ascent; this for some time was not so difficult, for I was now amongst the

branches; as I approached the top, however, the difficulty became greater, and likewise the danger; but I was

a light boy, and almost as nimble as a squirrel, and, moreover, the nervous feeling was within me, impelling

me upward. It was only by means of a spring, however, that I was enabled to touch the top of the tree; I

sprang, touched the top of the tree, and fell a distance of at least twenty feet, amongst the branches; had I

fallen to the bottom I must have been killed, but I fell into the middle of the tree, and presently found myself

astride upon one of the boughs; scratched and bruised all over, I reached the ground, and regained my

chamber unobserved; I flung myself on my bed quite exhausted; presently they came to tell me that my

mother was better they found me in the state which I have described, and in a fever besides. The favourable

crisis must have occurred just about the time that I performed the magic touch; it certainly was a curious

coincidence, yet I was not weak enough, even though a child, to suppose that I had baffled the evil chance by

'Indeed, all the time that I was performing these strange feats, I knew them to be highly absurd, yet the

impulse to perform them was irresistible a mysterious dread hanging over me till I had given way to it;

even at that early period I frequently used to reason within myself as to what could be the cause of my

propensity to touch, but of course I could come to no satisfactory conclusion respecting it; being heartily

ashamed of the practice, I never spoke of it to any one, and was at all times highly solicitous that no one

Maternal anxiety The baronet Little zest Country life Mr. Speaker! The craving Spirited address

AFTER a short pause my host resumed his narration. 'Though I was never sent to school, my education was

not neglected on that account; I had tutors in various branches of knowledge, under whom I made a tolerable

progress; by the time I was eighteen I was able to read most of the Greek and Latin authors with facility; I

was likewise, to a certain degree, a mathematician. I cannot say that I took much pleasure in my studies; my

chief aim in endeavouring to accomplish my tasks was to give pleasure to my beloved parent, who watched

my progress with anxiety truly maternal. My life at this period may be summed up in a few words: I pursued

my studies, roamed about the woods, walked the green lanes occasionally, cast my fly in a trout stream, and

sometimes, but not often, rode a hunting with my uncle. A considerable part of my time was devoted to my

mother, conversing with her and reading to her; youthful companions I had none, and as to my mother, she

lived in the greatest retirement, devoting herself to the superintendence of my education, and the practice of

acts of charity; nothing could be more innocent than this mode of life, and some people say that in innocence

there is happiness, yet I can't say that I was happy. A continual dread overshadowed my mind, it was the

dread of my mother's death. Her constitution had never been strong, and it had been considerably shaken by

her last illness; this I knew, and this I saw for the eyes of fear are marvellously keen. Well, things went on

in this way till I had come of age; my tutors were then dismissed, and my uncle the baronet took me in hand,

telling my mother that it was high time for him to exert his authority; that I must see something of the world,

for that, if I remained much longer with her, I should be ruined. "You must consign him to me," said he, "and

I will introduce him to the world." My mother sighed and consented; so my uncle the baronet introduced me

to the world, took me to horseraces and to London, and endeavoured to make a man of me according to his

idea of the term, and in part succeeded. I became moderately dissipated I say moderately, for dissipation

'In this manner four years passed over. It happened that I was in London in the height of the season with my

uncle, at his house; one morning he summoned me into the parlour, he was standing before the fire, and

looked very serious. "I have had a letter," said he; "your mother is very ill." I staggered, and touched the

nearest object to me; nothing was said for two or three minutes, and then my uncle put his lips to my ear and

whispered something. I fell down senseless. My mother was . . . I remember nothing for a long time for two

years I was out of my mind; at the end of this time I recovered, or partly so. My uncle the baronet was very

kind to me; he advised me to travel, he offered to go with me. I told him he was very kind, but I would rather

go by myself. So I went abroad, and saw, amongst other things, Rome and the Pyramids. By frequent change

of scene my mind became not happy, but tolerably tranquil. I continued abroad some years, when, becoming

tired of travelling, I came home, found my uncle the baronet alive, hearty, and unmarried, as he still is. He

received me very kindly, took me to Newmarket, and said that he hoped by this time I was become quite a

man of the world; by his advice I took a house in town, in which I lived during the season. In summer I

strolled from one wateringplace to another; and, in order to pass the time, I became very dissipated.

'At last I became as tired of dissipation as I had previously been of travelling, and I determined to retire to the

country, and live on my paternal estate; this resolution I was not slow in putting into effect; I sold my house

in town, repaired and refurnished my country house, and, for at least ten years, lived a regular country life; I

gave dinner parties, prosecuted poachers, was charitable to the poor, and now and then went into my library;

during this time I was seldom or never visited by the magic impulse, the reason being that there was nothing

in the wide world for which I cared sufficiently to move a finger to preserve it. When the ten years, however,

were nearly ended, I started out of bed one morning in a fit of horror, exclaiming, "Mercy, mercy! what will

become of me? I am afraid I shall go mad. I have lived thirtyfive years and upwards without doing anything;

shall I pass through life in this manner? Horror!' And then in rapid succession I touched three different

'I dressed myself and went down, determining to set about something; but what was I to do? there was the

difficulty. I ate no breakfast, but walked about the room in a state of distraction; at last I thought that the

easiest way to do something was to get into Parliament, there would be no difficulty in that. I had plenty of

money, and could buy a seat; but what was I to do in Parliament? Speak, of course but could I speak? "I'll

try at once," said I, and forthwith I rushed into the largest diningroom, and, locking the door, I commenced

speaking: "Mr. Speaker," said I, and then I went on speaking for about ten minutes as I best could, and then I

left off, for I was talking nonsense. No, I was not formed for Parliament; I could do nothing there. What

'Many, many times I thought this question over, but was unable to solve it; a fear now stole over me that I

was unfit for anything in the world, save the lazy life of vegetation which I had for many years been leading;

yet, if that were the case, thought I, why the craving within me to distinguish myself? Surely it does not occur

fortuitously, but is intended to rouse and call into exercise certain latent powers that I possess? and then with

infinite eagerness I set about attempting to discover these latent powers. I tried an infinity of pursuits, botany

and geology amongst the rest, but in vain; I was fitted for none of them. I became very sorrowful and

despondent, and at one time I had almost resolved to plunge again into the whirlpool of dissipation; it was a

'But I was not doomed to return to the dissipation of the world. One morning a young nobleman, who had for

some time past showed a wish to cultivate my acquaintance, came to me in a considerable hurry. "I am come

to beg an important favour of you," said he; "one of the county memberships is vacant I intend to become a

candidate; what I want immediately is a spirited address to the electors. I have been endeavouring to frame

one all the morning, but in vain; I have, therefore, recourse to you as a person of infinite genius; pray, my

dear friend, concoct me one by the morning!" "What you require of me," I replied, "is impossible; I have not

the gift of words; did I possess it I would stand for the county myself, but I can't speak. Only the other day I

attempted to make a speech, but left off suddenly, utterly ashamed, although I was quite alone, of the

nonsense I was uttering." "It is not a speech that I want," said my friend; "I can talk for three hours without

hesitating, but I want an address to circulate through the county, and I find myself utterly incompetent to put

one together; do oblige me by writing one for me, I know you can; and, if at any time you want a person to

speak for you, you may command me not for three but for six hours. Goodmorning; tomorrow I will

breakfast with you.' In the morning he came again. "Well," said he, "what success?" "Very poor," said I; "but

judge for yourself"; and I put into his hand a manuscript of several pages. My friend read it through with

considerable attention. "I congratulate you," said he, "and likewise myself; I was not mistaken in my opinion

of you; the address is too long by at least twothirds, or I should rather say, that it is longer by twothirds

than addresses generally are; but it will do I will not curtail it of a word. I shall win my election." And in

truth he did win his election; and it was not only his own but the general opinion that he owed it to the

'But, however that might be, I had, by writing the address, at last discovered what had so long eluded my

search what I was able to do. I, who had neither the nerve nor the command of speech necessary to

constitute the orator who had not the power of patient research required by those who would investigate the

secrets of nature, had, nevertheless, a ready pen and teeming imagination. This discovery decided my fate

Trepidations Subtle principle Perverse imagination Are they mine? Another book How hard!

Agricultural dinner Incomprehensible actions Inmost bosom Give it up Chance resemblance

'AN author,' said I, addressing my host; 'is it possible that I am under the roof of an author?'

'Yes,' said my host, sighing, 'my name is so and so, and I am the author of so and so; it is more than probable

that you have heard both of my name and works. I will not detain you much longer with my history; the night

is advancing, and the storm appears to be upon the increase. My life since the period of my becoming an

author may be summed briefly as an almost uninterrupted series of doubts, anxieties, and trepidations. I see

clearly that it is not good to love anything immoderately in this world, but it has been my misfortune to love

immoderately everything on which I have set my heart. This is not good, I repeat but where is the remedy?

The ancients were always in the habit of saying, "Practise moderation," but the ancients appear to have

considered only one portion of the subject. It is very possible to practise moderation in some things, in drink

and the like to restrain the appetites but can a man restrain the affections of his mind, and tell them, so far

you shall go, and no farther? Alas, no! for the mind is a subtle principle, and cannot be confined. The winds

may be imprisoned; Homer says that Odysseus carried certain winds in his ship, confined in leathern bags,

but Homer never speaks of confining the affections. It were but right that those who exhort us against

inordinate affections, and setting our hearts too much upon the world and its vanities, would tell us how to

'I need scarcely tell you that no sooner did I become an author than I gave myself up immoderately to my

vocation. It became my idol, and, as a necessary consequence, it has proved a source of misery and

disquietude to me, instead of pleasure and blessing. I had trouble enough in writing my first work, and I was

not long in discovering that it was one thing to write a stirring and spirited address to a set of county electors,

and another widely different to produce a work at all calculated to make an impression upon the great world.

I felt, however, that I was in my proper sphere, and by dint of unwearied diligence and exertion I succeeded

in evolving from the depths of my agitated breast a work which, though it did not exactly please me, I

thought would serve to make an experiment upon the public; so I laid it before the public, and the reception

which it met with was far beyond my wildest expectations. The public were delighted with it, but what were

my feelings? Anything, alas! but those of delight. No sooner did the public express its satisfaction at the

result of my endeavours, than my perverse imagination began to conceive a thousand chimerical doubts;

forthwith I sat down to analyse it; and my worst enemy, and all people have their enemies, especially authors

my worst enemy could not have discovered or sought to discover a tenth part of the faults which I, the

author and creator of the unfortunate production, found or sought to find in it. It has been said that love

makes us blind to the faults of the loved object common love does, perhaps the love of a father to his

child, or that of a lover to his mistress, but not the inordinate love of an author to his works, at least not the

love which one like myself bears to his works: to be brief, I discovered a thousand faults in my work, which

neither public nor critics discovered. However, I was beginning to get over this misery, and to forgive my

work all its imperfections, when and I shake when I mention it the same kind of idea which perplexed me

with regard to the hawks and the gypsy pony rushed into my mind, and I forthwith commenced touching the

objects around me, in order to baffle the evil chance, as you call it; it was neither more nor less than a doubt

of the legality of my claim to the thoughts, expressions, and situations contained in the book; that is, to all

that constituted the book. How did I get them? How did they come into my mind? Did I invent them? Did

they originate with myself? Are they my own, or are they some other body's? You see into what difficulty I

had got; I won't trouble you by relating all that I endured at that time, but will merely say that after eating my

own heart, as the Italians say, and touching every object that came in my way for six months, I at length flung

my book, I mean the copy of it which I possessed, into the fire, and began another.

'But it was all in vain; I laboured at this other, finished it, and gave it to the world; and no sooner had I done

so, than the same thought was busy in my brain, poisoning all the pleasure which I should otherwise have

derived from my work. How did I get all the matter which composed it? Out of my own mind,

unquestionably; but how did it come there was it the indigenous growth of the mind? And then I would sit

down and ponder over the various scenes and adventures in my book, endeavouring to ascertain how I came

originally to devise them, and by dint of reflecting I remembered that to a single word in conversation, or

some simple accident in a street or on a road, I was indebted for some of the happiest portions of my work;

they were but tiny seeds, it is true, which in the soil of my imagination had subsequently become stately trees,

but I reflected that without them no stately trees would have been produced, and that, consequently, only a

part in the merit of these compositions which charmed the world for the did charm the world was due to

myself. Thus, a dead fly was in my phial, poisoning all the pleasure which I should otherwise have derived

from the result of my brainsweat. "How hard!" I would exclaim, looking up to the sky, "how hard! I am like

Virgil's sheep, bearing fleeces not for themselves." But, not to tire you, it fared with my second work as it did

with my first; I flung it aside, and, in order to forget it, I began a third, on which I am now occupied; but the

difficulty of writing it is immense, my extreme desire to be original sadly cramping the powers of my mind;

my fastidiousness being so great that I invariably reject whatever ideas I do not think to be legitimately my

own. But there is one circumstance to which I cannot help alluding here, as it serves to show what miseries

this love of originality must needs bring upon an author. I am constantly discovering that, however original I

may wish to be, I am continually producing the same things which other people say or write. Whenever, after

producing something which gives me perfect satisfaction, and which has cost me perhaps days and nights of

brooding, I chance to take up a book for the sake of a little relaxation, a book which I never saw before, I am

sure to find in it something more or less resembling some part of what I have been just composing. You will

easily conceive the distress which then comes over me; 'tis then that I am almost tempted to execrate the

chance which, by discovering my latent powers, induced me to adopt a profession of such anxiety and

'For some time past I have given up reading almost entirely, owing to the dread which I entertain of lighting

upon something similar to what I myself have written. I scarcely ever transgress without having almost

instant reason to repent. Today, when I took up the newspaper, I saw in a speech of the Duke of

Rhododendron, at an agricultural dinner, the very same ideas, and almost the same expressions which I had

put into the mouth of an imaginary personage of mine, on a widely different occasion; you saw how I dashed

the newspaper down you saw how I touched the floor; the touch was to baffle the evil chance, to prevent

the critics detecting any similarity between the speech of the Duke of Rhododendron at the agricultural dinner

and the speech of my personage. My sensibility on the subject of my writings is so great that sometimes a

chance word is sufficient to unman me, I apply it to them in a superstitious sense; for example, when you said

some time ago that the dark hour was coming on, I applied it to my works it appeared to bode them evil

fortune; you saw how I touched, it was to baffle the evil chance; but I do not confine myself to touching when

the fear of the evil chance is upon me. To baffle it I occasionally perform actions which must appear highly

incomprehensible; I have been known, when riding in company with other people, to leave the direct road,

and make a long circuit by a miry lane to the place to which we were going. I have also been seen attempting

to ride across a morass, where I had no business whatever, and in which my horse finally sank up to its

saddle girths, and was only extricated by the help of a multitude of hands. I have, of course, frequently been

asked the reason of such conduct, to which I have invariably returned no answer, for I scorn duplicity;

whereupon people have looked mysteriously, and sometimes put their fingers to their foreheads. "And yet it

can't be," I once heard an old gentleman say; "don't we know what he is capable of?" and the old man was

right; I merely did these things to avoid the evil chance, impelled by the strange feeling within me; and this

evil chance is invariably connected with my writings, the only things at present which render life valuable to

me. If I touch various objects, and ride into miry places, it is to baffle any mischance befalling me as an

author, to prevent my books getting into disrepute; in nine cases out of ten to prevent any expressions,

thoughts, or situations in any work which I am writing from resembling the thoughts, expressions, and

situations of other authors, for my great wish, as I told you before, is to be original.

'I have now related my history, and have revealed to you the secrets of my inmost bosom. I should certainly

not have spoken so unreservedly as I have done, had I not discovered in you a kindred spirit. I have long

wished for an opportunity of discoursing on the point which forms the peculiar feature of my history with a

being who could understand me; and truly it was a lucky chance which brought you to these parts; you who

seem to be acquainted with all things strange and singular, and who are as well acquainted with the subject of

the magic touch as with all that relates to the star Jupiter or the mysterious tree at Upsal.'

Such was the story which my host related to me in the library, amidst the darkness, occasionally broken by

flashes of lightning. Both of us remained silent for some time after it was concluded.

'It is a singular story,' said I, at last, 'though I confess that I was prepared for some part of it. Will you permit

'And when you made this speech of yours in the diningroom, commencing with Mr. Speaker, no one was

'An idea came into my head dear me how the rain is pouring but, with respect to your present troubles

and anxieties, would it not be wise, seeing that authorship causes you so much trouble and anxiety, to give it

'Were you an author yourself,' replied my host, 'you would not talk in this manner; once an author, ever an

author besides, what could I do? return to my former state of vegetation? no, much as I endure, I do not

wish that; besides, every now and then my reason tells me that these troubles and anxieties of mine are utterly

without; foundation that whatever I write is the legitimate growth of my own mind, and that it is the height of

folly to afflict myself at any chance resemblance between my own thoughts and those of other writers, such

resemblance being inevitable from the fact of our common human origin. In short '

'I understand you,' said I; 'notwithstanding your troubles and anxieties you find life very tolerable; has your

'On the contrary, every one declares that originality constitutes the most remarkable feature of my writings;

the man has some faults, they say, but want of originality is certainly not one of them. He is quite different

from others a certain newspaper, it is true, the I think, once insinuated that in a certain work of mine I had

taken a hint or two from the writings of a couple of authors which it mentioned; it happened, however, that I

had never even read one syllable of the writings of either, and of one of them had never even heard the name;

so much for the discrimination of the . By the bye, what a rascally newspaper that is!'

Disturbed slumbers The bedpost Two wizards What can I do? Real library The Rev. Mr. Platitude

Toleration to Dissenters Paradox Sword of St. Peter Enemy to humbug High principles False

concord The damsel What religion? Further conversation That would never do! May you prosper.

DURING the greater part of that night my slumbers were disturbed by strange dreams. Amongst other things,

I fancied that I was my host; my head appeared to be teeming with wild thoughts and imaginations, out of

which I was endeavouring to frame a book. And now the book was finished and given to the world, and the

world shouted; and all eyes were turned upon me, and I shrank from the eyes of the world. And, when I got

into retired places, I touched various objects in order to baffle the evil chance. In short, during the whole

At about eight o'clock I awoke. The storm had long since passed away, and the morning was bright and

shining; my couch was so soft and luxurious that I felt loth to quit it, so I lay some time, my eyes wandering

about the magnificent room to which fortune had conducted me in so singular a manner; at last I heaved a

sigh; I was thinking of my own homeless condition, and imagining where I should find myself on the

following morning. Unwilling, however, to indulge in melancholy thoughts, I sprang out of bed and

proceeded to dress myself, and, whilst dressing, I felt an irresistible inclination to touch the bedpost.

I finished dressing and left the room, feeling compelled, however, as I left it, to touch the lintel of the door. Is

it possible, thought I, that from what I have lately heard the longforgotten influence should have possessed

me again? but I will not give way to it; so I hurried downstairs, resisting as I went a certain inclination which

I occasionally felt to touch the rail of the banister. I was presently upon the gravel walk before the house: it

was indeed a glorious morning. I stood for some time observing the golden fish disporting in the waters of the

pond, and then strolled about amongst the noble trees of the park; the beauty and freshness of the morning

for the air had been considerably cooled by the late storm soon enabled me to cast away the gloomy ideas

which had previously taken possession of my mind, and, after a stroll of about half an hour, I returned

towards the house in high spirits. It is true that once I felt very much inclined to go and touch the leaves of a

flowery shrub which I saw at some distance, and had even moved two or three paces towards it; but,

bethinking myself, I manfully resisted the temptation. 'Begone!' I exclaimed, 'ye sorceries, in which I

formerly trusted begone for ever vagaries which I had almost forgotten; good luck is not to be obtained, or

bad averted, by magic touches; besides, two wizards in one parish would be too much, in all conscience.'

I returned to the house, and entered the library; breakfast was laid on the table, and my friend was standing

before the portrait which I have already said hung above the mantelpiece; so intently was he occupied in

gazing at it that he did not hear me enter, nor was aware of my presence till I advanced close to him and

'What can possibly have induced you to hang up that portrait in your library? it is a staring likeness, it is true,

'Daub as you call it,' said my friend, smiling, 'I would not part with it for the best piece of Rafael. For many a

happy thought I am indebted to that picture it is my principal source of inspiration; when my imagination

flags, as of course it occasionally does, I stare upon those features, and forthwith strange ideas of fun and

drollery begin to flow into my mind; these I round, amplify, or combine into goodly creations, and bring forth

as I find an opportunity. It is true that I am occasionally tormented by the thought that, by doing this, I am

committing plagiarism; though, in that case, all thoughts must be plagiarisms, all that we think being the

result of what we hear, see, or feel. What can I do? I must derive my thoughts from some source or other;

and, after all, it is better to plagiarise from the features of my landlord than from the works of Butler and

Cervantes. My works, as you are aware, are of a seriocomic character. My neighbours are of opinion that I

am a great reader, and so I am, but only of those features my real library is that picture.'

'Some years ago a travelling painter came into this neighbourhood, and my jolly host, at the request of his

wife, consented to sit for his portrait; she highly admired the picture, but she soon died, and then my fat

friend, who is of an affectionate disposition, said he could not bear the sight of it, as it put him in mind of his

poor wife. I purchased it of him for five pounds I would not take five thousand for it; when you called that

We sat down to breakfast; my entertainer appeared to be in much better spirits than on the preceding day; I

did not observe him touch once; ere breakfast was over a servant entered 'The Reverend Mr. Platitude, sir,'

A shade of dissatisfaction came over the countenance of my host. 'What does the silly pestilent fellow mean

by coming here?' said he, half to himself; 'let him come in,' said he to the servant.

The servant went out, and in a moment reappeared, introducing the Reverend Mr. Platitude. The Reverend

Mr. Platitude, having what is vulgarly called a game leg, came shambling into the room; he was about thirty

years of age, and about five feet three inches high; his face was of the colour of pepper, and nearly as rugged

as a nutmeggrater; his hair was black; with his eyes he squinted, and grinned with his lips, which were very

much apart, disclosing two very irregular rows of teeth; he was dressed in the true Levitical fashion, in a suit

The Reverend Mr. Platitude advanced winking and grinning to my entertainer, who received him politely but

with evident coldness; nothing daunted, however, the Reverend Mr. Platitude took a seat by the table, and,

In company I am occasionally subject to fits of what is generally called absence; my mind takes flight and

returns to former scenes, or presses forward into the future. One of these fits of absence came over me at this

time I looked at the Reverend Mr. Platitude for a moment, heard a word or two that proceeded from his

mouth, and saying to myself, 'You are no man for me,' fell into a fit of musing into the same train of

I continued in my reverie for some time, and probably should have continued longer, had I not been suddenly

aroused by the voice of Mr. Platitude raised to a very high key. 'Yes, my dear sir,' said he, 'it is but too true; I

have it on good authority a gone church a lost church a ruined church a demolished church is the

'I suppose,' said my host, 'that the repeal of the Test Acts will be merely a precursor of the emancipation of

'Of the Catholics,' said the Reverend Mr. Platitude. 'Ahem. There was a time, as I believe you are aware, my

dear sir, when I was as much opposed to the emancipation of the Catholics as it was possible for any one to

be; but I was prejudiced, my dear sir, labouring under a cloud of most unfortunate prejudice; but I thank my

Maker I am so no longer. I have travelled, as you are aware. It is only by travelling that one can rub off

prejudices; I think you will agree with me there. I am speaking to a traveller. I left behind all my prejudices in

Italy. The Catholics are at least our fellowChristians. I thank Heaven that I am no longer an enemy to

'Dissenters, my dear sir; I hope you would not class such a set as the Dissenters with Catholics?'

'Perhaps it would be unjust,' said my host, 'though to which of the two parties is another thing; but permit me

to ask you a question: Does it not smack somewhat of paradox to talk of Catholics, whilst you admit there are

'It is not my fault that there are Dissenters,' said the Reverend Mr. Platitude; 'if I had my will I would neither

'Of course you would admit there were such as long as they existed; but how would you get rid of them?'

'What, the sword of St. Peter? You remember what the founder of the religion which you profess said about

the sword, "He who striketh with it ... " I think those who have called themselves the Church have had

enough of the sword. Two can play with the sword, Mr. Platitude. The Church of Rome tried the sword with

the Lutherans: how did it fare with the Church of Rome? The Church of England tried the sword, Mr.

'Oh, as for the Church of England,' said Mr. Platitude, 'I have little to say. Thank God, I left all my Church of

England prejudices in Italy. Had the Church of England known its true interests, it would long ago have

sought a reconciliation with its illustrious mother. If the Church of England had not been in some degree a

schismatic church, it would not have fared so ill at the time of which you are speaking; the rest of the Church

would have come to its assistance. The Irish would have helped it, so would the French, so would the

Once more I fell into a reverie. My mind now reverted to the past; methought I was in a small comfortable

room wainscoted with oak; I was seated on one side of a fireplace, close by a table on which were wine and

fruit; on the other side of the fire sat a man in a plain suit of brown, with the hair combed back from his

somewhat high forehead; he had a pipe in his mouth, which for some time he smoked gravely and placidly,

without saying a word; at length, after drawing at the pipe for some time rather vigorously, he removed it

from his mouth, and, emitting an accumulated cloud of smoke, he exclaimed in a slow and measured tone,

'As I was telling you just now, my good chap, I have always been an enemy to humbug.'

When I awoke from my reverie the Reverend Mr. Platitude was quitting the apartment.

'He holds a living about three miles from here; his history, as far as I am acquainted with it, is as follows. His

father was a respectable tanner in the neighbouring town, who, wishing to make his son a gentleman, sent

him to college. Having never been at college myself, I cannot say whether he took the wisest course; I believe

it is more easy to unmake than to make a gentleman; I have known many gentlemanly youths go to college,

and return anything but what they went. Young Mr. Platitude did not go to college a gentleman, but neither

did he return one: he went to college an ass, and returned a prig; to his original folly was superadded a vast

quantity of conceit. He told his father that he had adopted high principles, and was determined to

discountenance everything low and mean; advised him to eschew trade, and to purchase him a living. The old

man retired from business, purchased his son a living, and shortly after died, leaving him what remained of

his fortune. The first thing the Reverend Mr. Platitude did, after his father's decease, was to send his mother

and sister into Wales to live upon a small annuity, assigning as a reason that he was averse to anything low,

and that they talked ungrammatically. Wishing to shine in the pulpit, he now preached high sermons, as he

called them, interspersed with scraps of learning. His sermons did not, however, procure him much

popularity; on the contrary, his church soon became nearly deserted, the greater part of his flock going over

to certain dissenting preachers, who had shortly before made their appearance in the neighbourhood. Mr.

Platitude was filled with wrath, and abused Dissenters in most unmeasured terms. Coming in contact with

some of the preachers at a public meeting, he was rash enough to enter into argument with them. Poor

Platitude! he had better have been quiet, he appeared like a child, a very infant, in their grasp; he attempted to

take shelter under his college learning, but found, to his dismay, that his opponents knew more Greek and

Latin than himself. These illiterate boors, as he had supposed them, caught him at once in a false concord,

and Mr. Platitude had to slink home overwhelmed with shame. To avenge himself he applied to the

ecclesiastical court, but was told that the Dissenters could not be put down by the present ecclesiastical law.

He found the Church of England, to use his own expression, a poor, powerless, restricted Church. He now

thought to improve his consequence by marriage, and made up to a rich and beautiful young lady in the

neighbourhood; the damsel measured him from head to foot with a pair of very sharp eyes, dropped a curtsey,

and refused him. Mr. Platitude, finding England a very stupid place, determined to travel; he went to Italy;

how he passed his time there he knows best, to other people it is a matter of little importance. At the end of

two years he returned with a real or assumed contempt for everything English, and especially for the Church

to which he belongs, and out of which he is supported. He forthwith gave out that he had left behind him all

his Church of England prejudices, and, as a proof thereof, spoke against sacerdotal wedlock and the toleration

of schismatics. In an evil hour for myself he was introduced to me by a clergyman of my acquaintance, and

from that time I have been pestered, as I was this morning, at least once a week. I seldom enter into any

discussion with him, but fix my eyes on the portrait over the mantelpiece, and endeavour to conjure up some

comic idea or situation, whilst he goes on talking tomfoolery by the hour about Church authority,

schismatics, and the unlawfulness of sacerdotal wedlock; occasionally he brings with him a strange kind of

being, whose acquaintance he says he made in Italy; I believe he is some sharking priest who has come over

to proselytise and plunder. This being has some powers of conversation and some learning, but carries the

'That of the Vicar of Wakefield good, quiet, Church of England, which would live and let live, practises

charity, and rails at no one; where the priest is the husband of one wife, takes care of his family and his parish

such is the religion for me, though I confess I have hitherto thought too little of religious matters. When,

however, I have completed this plaguy work on which I am engaged, I hope to be able to devote more

After some further conversation, the subjects being, if I remember right, college education, priggism, church

authority, tomfoolery, and the like, I rose and said to my host, 'I must now leave you.'

'Stay here, then you shall be welcome as many days, months, and years as you please to stay.'

'Do you think I would hang upon another man? No, not if he were Emperor of all the Chinas. I will now make

I retired to my apartment and collected the handful of things which I carried with me on my travels.

He walked with me to the park gate; neither of us said anything by the way. When we had come upon the

road, I said, 'Farewell now; I will not permit you to give yourself any further trouble on my account. Receive

my best thanks for your kindness; before we part, however, I should wish to ask you a question. Do you think

'I have my fears,' said my friend, advancing his hand to one of the iron bars of the gate.

'Don't touch,' said I, 'it is a bad habit. I have but one word to add: should you ever grow tired of authorship

follow your first idea of getting into Parliament; you have words enough at command; perhaps you want

manner and method; but, in that case, you must apply to a teacher, you must take lessons of a master of

'That would never do!' said my host; 'I know myself too well to think of applying for assistance to any one.

Were I to become a parliamentary orator, I should wish to be an original one, even if not above mediocrity.

What pleasure should I take in any speech I might make, however original as to thought, provided the

gestures I employed and the very modulation of my voice were not my own? Take lessons, indeed! why, the

fellow who taught me, the professor, might be standing in the gallery whilst I spoke; and, at the best parts of

my speech, might say to himself, "That gesture is mine that modulation is mine." I could not bear the

I departed. At the distance of twenty yards I turned round suddenly; my friend was just withdrawing his

'He has been touching,' said I, as I proceeded on my way; 'I wonder what was the evil chance he wished to

Elastic step Disconsolate party Not the season Mend your draught Good ale Crotchet Hammer

and tongs Schoolmaster True Eden life Flaming Tinman Twice my size Hard at work My poor

wife Grey Moll A Bible Halfandhalf What to do Half inclined In no time On one condition

AFTER walking some time, I found myself on the great road, at the same spot where I had turned aside the

day before with my newmade acquaintance, in the direction of his house. I now continued my journey as

before, towards the north. The weather, though beautiful, was much cooler than it had been for some time

past; I walked at a great rate, with a springing and elastic step. In about two hours I came to where a kind of

cottage stood a little way back from the road, with a huge oak before it, under the shade of which stood a

little pony and a cart, which seemed to contain various articles. I was going past when I saw scrawled over

the door of the cottage, 'Good beer sold here'; upon which, feeling myself all of a sudden very thirsty, I

I entered a wellsanded kitchen, and seated myself on a bench, on one side of a long white table; the other

side, which was nearest to the wall, was occupied by a party, or rather family, consisting of a grimylooking

man, somewhat under the middle size, dressed in faded velveteens, and wearing a leather apron a rather

pretty looking woman, but sunburnt, and meanly dressed, and two ragged children, a boy and girl, about

four or five years old. The man sat with his eyes fixed upon the table, supporting his chin with both his

hands; the woman, who was next him, sat quite still, save that occasionally she turned a glance upon her

husband with eyes that appeared to have been lately crying. The children had none of the vivacity so general

at their age. A more disconsolate family I had never seen; a mug, which, when filled, might contain half a

'House!' said I; 'House!' and then, as nobody appeared, I cried again as loud as I could, 'House! do you hear

'What's your pleasure, young man?' said an elderly woman, who now made her appearance from a side

'How much?' said the woman, stretching out her hand towards the empty mug upon the table.

'The largest measurefull in your house,' said I, putting back her hand gently. 'This is not the season for

'As you will, young man,' said the landlady; and presently brought in an earthen pitcher which might contain

'I have to return you a penny,' said the landlady, putting her hand into her pocket.

'As you please, young gentleman,' said the landlady, and then, making a kind of curtsey, she again retired to

'Here is your health, sir,' said I to the grimylooking man, as I raised the pitcher to my lips.

The tinker, for such I supposed him to be, without altering his posture, raised his eyes, looked at me for a

moment, gave a slight nod, and then once more fixed his eyes upon the table. I took a draught of the ale,

which I found excellent; 'Won't you drink?' said I, holding the pitcher to the tinker.

The man again lifted up his eyes, looked at me, and then at the pitcher, and then at me again. I thought at one

time that he was about to shake his head in sign of refusal; but no, he looked once more at the pitcher, and the

temptation was too strong. Slowly removing his head from his arms, he took the pitcher, sighed, nodded, and

drank a tolerable quantity, and then set the pitcher down before me upon the table.

'You had better mend your draught,' said I to the tinker; 'it is a sad heart that never rejoices.'

'That's true,' said the tinker, and again raising the pitcher to his lips, he mended his draught as I had bidden

The poor woman took the pitcher from the man's hand; before, however, raising it to her lips, she looked at

the children. True mother's heart, thought I to myself, and taking the halfpint mug, I made her fill it, and

then held it to the children, causing each to take a draught. The woman wiped her eyes with the corner of her

In about five minutes none of the family looked half so disconsolate as before, and the tinker and I were in

Oh, genial and gladdening is the power of good ale, the true and proper drink of Englishmen. He is not

deserving of the name of Englishman who speaketh against ale, that is good ale, like that which has just made

merry the hearts of this poor family; and yet there are beings, calling themselves Englishmen, who say that it

is a sin to drink a cup of ale, and who, on coming to this passage will be tempted to fling down the book and

exclaim, 'The man is evidently a bad man, for behold, by his own confession, he is not only fond of ale

himself, but is in the habit of tempting other people with it.' Alas! alas! what a number of silly individuals

there are in this world; I wonder what they would have had me do in this instance given the afflicted family

a cup of cold water? go to! They could have found water in the road, for there was a pellucid spring only a

few yards distant from the house, as they were well aware but they wanted not water; what should I have

given them? meat and bread? go to! They were not hungry; there was stifled sobbing in their bosoms, and the

first mouthful of strong meat would have choked them. What should I have given them? Money! what right

had I to insult them by offering them money? Advice! words, words, words; friends, there is a time for

everything; there is a time for a cup of cold water; there is a time for strong meat and bread; there is a time

for advice, and there is a time for ale; and I have generally found that the time for advice is after a cup of ale.

I do not say many cups; the tongue then speaketh more smoothly, and the ear listeneth more benignantly; but

why do I attempt to reason with you? do I not know you for conceited creatures, with one idea and that a

foolish one; a crotchet, for the sake of which ye would sacrifice anything, religion if required country?

There, fling down my book, I do not wish ye to walk any farther in my company, unless you cast your

nonsense away, which ye will never do, for it is the breath of your nostrils; fling down my book, it was not

written to support a crotchet, for know one thing, my good people, I have invariably been an enemy to

'Well,' said the tinker, after we had discoursed some time, 'little thought, when I first saw you, that you were

MYSELF. Nor am I, at least not exactly. There is not much difference, 'tis true, between a tinker and a smith.

MYSELF. Not I, I'd scorn to be anything so mean; no, friend, black's the colour; I am a brother of the

MYSELF. I have seen them, however, as black as yours. The truth is, I have not worked for many a day.

MYSELF. Not very far; over those mountains to the left, and the run of salt water that lies behind them,

MYSELF. Nothing but the truth; what can be better than to be one's own master? Now a tinker is his own

master, a scholar is not. Let us suppose the best of scholars, a schoolmaster for example, for I suppose you

will admit that no one can be higher in scholarship than a schoolmaster; do you call his a pleasant life? I

don't; we should call him a schoolslave, rather than a schoolmaster. Only conceive him in blessed weather

like this, in his close school, teaching children to write in copybooks, 'Evil communication corrupts good

manners,' or 'You cannot touch pitch without defilement,' or to spell out of Abedariums, or to read out of Jack

Smith, or Sandford and Merton. Only conceive him, I say, drudging in such guise from morning till night,

without any rational enjoyment but to beat the children. Would you compare such a dog's life as that with

your own the happiest under heaven true Eden life, as the Germans would say, pitching your tent under

the pleasant hedgerows, listening to the song of the feathered tribes, collecting all the leaky kettles in the

neighbourhood, soldering and joining, earning your honest bread by the wholesome sweat of your brow

Suddenly the tinker had covered his face with his hands, and begun to sob and moan like a man in the deepest

distress; the breast of his wife was heaved with emotion; even the children were agitated, the youngest began

TINKER (uncovering his face). Lord, why to hear you talk; isn't that enough to make anybody cry even the

poor babes? Yes, you said right, 'tis life in the garden of Eden the tinker's; I see so now that I'm about to

TINKER. No, I can't bear to think of it, and yet I must; what's to be done? How hard to be frightened to

TINKER. The biggest rogue in England, and the cruellest, or he wouldn't have served me as he has done I'll

tell you all about it. I was born upon the roads, and so was my father before me, and my mother too; and I

worked with them as long as they lived, as a dutiful child, for I have nothing to reproach myself with on their

account; and when my father died I took up the business, and went his beat, and supported my mother for the

little time she lived; and when she died I married this young woman, who was not born upon the roads, but

was a small tradesman s daughter, at Gloster. She had a kindness for me, and, notwithstanding her friends

were against the match, she married the poor tinker, and came to live with him upon the roads. Well, young

man, for six or seven years I as the happiest fellow breathing, living just the life you described just now

respected by everybody in this beat; when in an evil hour comes this Black Jack, this flaming tinman, into

these parts, driven as they say out of Yorkshire for no good you may be sure. Now there is no beat will

support two tinkers, as you doubtless know; mine was a good one, but it would not support the flying tinker

and myself, though if it would have supported twenty it would have been all the same to the flying villain,

who'll brook no one but himself; so he presently finds me out, and offers to fight me for the beat. Now, being

bred upon the roads, I can fight a little, that is with anything like my match, but I was not going to fight him,

who happens to be twice my size, and so I told him; whereupon he knocks me down, and would have done

me farther mischief had not some men been nigh and prevented him; so he threatened to cut my throat, and

went his way. Well, I did not like such usage at all, and was woundily frightened, and tried to keep as much

out of his way as possible, going anywhere but where I thought I was likely to meet him; and sure enough for

several months I contrived to keep out of his way. At last somebody told me that he was gone back to

Yorkshire, whereupon I was glad at heart, and ventured to show myself, going here and there as I did before.

Well, young man, it was yesterday that I and mine set ourselves down in a lane, about five miles from here,

and lighted our fire, and had our dinner, and after dinner I sat down to mend three kettles and a frying pan

which the people in the neighbourhood had given me to mend for, as I told you before, I have a good

connection, owing to my honesty. Well, as I sat there hard at work, happy as the day's long, and thinking of

anything but what was to happen, who should come up but this Black Jack, this king of the tinkers, rattling

along in his cart, with his wife, that they call Grey Moll, by his side for the villain has got a wife, and a

maidservant too; the last I never saw, but they that has, says that she is as big as a house, and young, and

well to look at, which can't be all said of Moll, who, though she's big enough in all conscience, is neither

young nor handsome. Well, no sooner does he see me and mine, than, giving the reins to Grey Moll, he

springs out of his cart, and comes straight at me; not a word did he say, but on he comes straight at me like a

wild bull. I am a quiet man, young fellow, but I saw now that quietness would be of no use, so I sprang up

upon my legs, and being bred upon the roads, and able to fight a little, I squared as he came running in upon

me, and had a round or two with him. Lord bless you, young man, it was like a fly fighting with an elephant

one of those big beasts the showfolks carry about. I had not a chance with the fellow, he knocked me here,

he knocked me there, knocked me into the hedge, and knocked me out again. I was at my last shifts, and my

poor wife saw it. Now my poor wife, though she is as gentle as a pigeon, has yet a spirit of her own, and

though she wasn't bred upon the roads, can scratch a little; so when she saw me at my last shifts, she flew at

the villain she couldn't bear to see her partner murdered and scratched the villain's face. Lord bless you,

young man, she had better have been quiet: Grey Moll no sooner saw what she was about, than, springing out

of the cart, where she had sat all along perfectly quiet, save a little whooping and screeching to encourage her

blade: Grey Moll, I say (my flesh creeps when I think of it for I am a kind husband, and love my poor

MYSELF. Take another draught of the ale; you look frightened, and it will do you good. Stout liquor makes

TINKER. That's true, young man; here's to you where was I? Grey Moll no sooner saw what my wife was

about, than, springing out of the cart, she flew at my poor wife, clawed off her bonnet in a moment, and

seized hold of her hair. Lord bless you, young man, my poor wife, in the hands of Grey Moll, was nothing

better than a pigeon in the claws of a buzzard hawk, or I in the hands of the Flaming Tinman, which when I

saw, my heart was fit to burst, and I determined to give up everything everything to save my poor wife out

of Grey Moll's claws. 'Hold!' I shouted. 'Hold, both of you Jack, Moll. Hold, both of you, for God's sake,

and I'll do what you will: give up trade, and business, connection, bread, and everything, never more travel

the roads, and go down on my knees to you in the bargain.' Well, this had some effect; Moll let go my wife,

and the Blazing Tinman stopped for a moment; it was only for a moment, however, that he left off all of a

sudden he hit me a blow which sent me against a tree; and what did the villain then? why the flying villain

seized me by the throat, and almost throttled me, roaring what do you think, young man, that the flaming

TINKER. Horrible, indeed; you may well say horrible, young man; neither more nor less than the Bible 'A

Bible, a Bible!' roared the Blazing Tinman; and he pressed my throat so hard against the tree that my senses

began to dwaul away a Bible, a Bible, still ringing in my ears. Now, young man, my poor wife is a

Christian woman, and, though she travels the roads, carries a Bible with her at the bottom of her sack, with

which sometimes she teaches the children to read it was the only thing she brought with her from the place

of her kith and kin, save her own body and the clothes on her back; so my poor wife, half distracted, runs to

her sack, pulls out the Bible, and puts it into the hand of the Blazing Tinman, who then thrusts the end of it

into my mouth with such fury that it made my lips bleed, and broke short one of my teeth which happened to

be decayed. 'Swear,' said he, 'swear, you mumping villain, take your Bible oath that you will quit and give up

the beat altogether, or I'll and then the hardhearted villain made me swear by the Bible, and my own

TINKER. I can't, young man, my heart's too full, and what's more, the pitcher is empty.

TINKER. Not exactly; what they call a halfandhalf. His father was a gypsy, and his mother, like mine, one

TINKER. I say, young man, you know a thing or two; one would think, to hear you talk, you had been bred

upon the roads. I thought none but those bred upon the roads knew anything of that name Petulengres! No,

not he, he fights the Petulengres whenever he meets them; he likes nobody but himself, and wants to be king

of the roads. I believe he is a Boss, or a at any rate he's a bad one, as I know to my cost.

TINKER. Do! you may well ask that; I don't know what to do. My poor wife and I have been talking of that

all the morning, over that halfpint mug of beer; we can't determine on what's to be done. All we know is,

that we must quit the roads. The villain swore that the next time he saw us on the roads he'd cut all our

throats, and seize our horse and bit of a cart that are now standing out there under the tree.

TINKER. Another question! What shall we do with our cart and pony? they are of no use to us now. Stay on

the roads I will not, both for my oath's sake and my own. If we had a trifle of money, we were thinking of

going to Bristol, where I might get up a little business, but we have none; our last three farthings we spent

TINKER. Sell them! and who would buy them, unless some one who wished to set up in my line; but there's

no beat, and what's the use of the horse and cart and the few tools without the beat?

MYSELF. Why, like yourself, I hardly know what to do. I want a home and work. As for a home, I suppose I

can contrive to make a home out of your tent and cart; and as for work, I must learn to be a tinker, it would

not be hard for one of my trade to learn to tinker; what better can I do? Would you have me go to Chester and

work there now? I don't like the thoughts of it. If I go to Chester and work there, I can't be my own man; I

must work under a master, and perhaps he and I should quarrel, and when I quarrel I am apt to hit folks, and

those that hit folks are sometimes sent to prison; I don't like the thought either of going to Chester or to

TINKER. A matter of eleven shillings a week, if anybody would employ you, which I don't think they would

with those hands of yours. But whether they would or not, if you are of a quarrelsome nature you must not go

to Chester; you would be in the castle in no time. I don't know how to advise you. As for selling you my

MYSELF. Pooh, don't be afraid on my account; if I were to meet him I could easily manage him one way or

other. I know all kinds of strange words and names, and, as I told you before, I sometimes hit people when

Here the tinker's wife, who for some minutes past had been listening attentively to our discourse, interposed,

saying, in a low soft tone: 'I really don't see, John, why you shouldn't sell the young man the things, seeing

that he wishes for them, and is so confident; you have told him plainly how matters stand, and if anything ill

should befall him, people couldn't lay the blame on you; but I don't think any ill will befall him, and who

'I'll hear of no such thing,' said the tinker; 'I have drunk at the young man's expense, and though he says he's

quarrelsome, I would not wish to sit in pleasanter company. A pretty fellow I should be, now, if I were to let

him follow his own will. If he once sets up on my beat, he's a lost man, his ribs will be stove in, and his head

knocked off his shoulders. There, you are crying, but you shan't have your will though; I won't be the young

man's destruction . . . If, indeed, I thought he could manage the tinker but he never can; he says he can hit,

but it's no use hitting the tinker, crying still! you are enough to drive one mad. I say, young man, I believe

you understand a thing or two, just now you were talking of knowing hard words and names I don't wish to

send you to your mischief you say you know hard words and names; let us see. Only on one condition I'll

sell you the pony and things; as for the beat it's gone, isn't mine sworn away by my own mouth. Tell me

MYSELF. Don't swear, it's a bad habit, neither pleasant nor profitable. Your name is Slingsby Jack

Slingsby. There, don't stare, there's nothing in my telling you your name: I've been in these parts before, at

least not very far from here. Ten years ago, when I was little more than a child, I was about twenty miles

from here in a postchaise, at the door of an inn, and as I looked from the window of the chaise, I saw you

standing by a gutter, with a big tin ladle in your hand, and somebody called you Jack Slingsby. I never forget

anything I hear or see; I can't, I wish I could. So there's nothing strange in my knowing your name; indeed,

there's nothing strange in anything, provided you examine it to the bottom. Now what am I to give you for the

I paid Slingsby five pounds ten shillings for his stock in trade, cart, and pony purchased sundry provisions

of the landlady, also a wagoner's frock, which had belonged to a certain son of hers, deceased, gave my little

'God bless you, young man,' said Slingsby, shaking me by the hand; 'you are the best friend I've had for many

a day: I have but one thing to tell you, Don't cross that fellow's path if you can help it; and stay should the

Effects of corn One night longer The hoofs A stumble Are you hurt? What a difference Drowsy

Maze of bushes Housekeeping Sticks and furze The driftway Account of stock Anvil and bellows

IT was two or three hours past noon when I took my departure from the place of the last adventure, walking

by the side of my little cart; the pony, invigorated by the corn, to which he was probably not much

accustomed, proceeded right gallantly; so far from having to hasten him forward by the particular application

which the tinker had pointed out to me, I had rather to repress his eagerness, being, though an excellent

pedestrian, not unfrequently left behind. The country through which I passed was beautiful and interesting,

but solitary; few habitations appeared. As it was quite a matter of indifference to me in what direction I went,

the whole world being before me, I allowed the pony to decide upon the matter; it was not long before he left

the highroad, being probably no friend to public places. I followed him I knew not whither, but, from

subsequent observation, have reason to suppose that our course was in a northwest direction. At length night

came upon us, and a cold wind sprang up, which was succeeded by a drizzling rain.

I had originally intended to pass the night in the cart, or to pitch my little tent on some convenient spot by the

road's side; but, owing to the alteration in the weather, I thought that it would be advisable to take up my

quarters in any hedge alehouse at which I might arrive. To tell the truth, I was not very sorry to have an

excuse to pass the night once more beneath a roof. I had determined to live quite independent, but I had never

before passed a night by myself abroad, and felt a little apprehensive at the idea; I hoped, however, on the

morrow, to be a little more prepared for the step, so I determined for one night only for one night longer

to sleep like a Christian; but human determinations are not always put into effect, such a thing as opportunity

is frequently wanting, such was the case here. I went on for a considerable time, in expectation of coming to

some rustic hostelry, but nothing of the kind presented itself to my eyes; the country in which I now was

seemed almost uninhabited, not a house of any kind was to be seen at least I saw none though it is true

houses might be near without my seeing them, owing to the darkness of the night, for neither moon nor star

was abroad. I heard, occasionally, the bark of dogs; but the sound appeared to come from an immense

distance. The rain still fell, and the ground beneath my feet was wet and miry; in short, it was a night in

which even a tramper by profession would feel more comfortable in being housed than abroad. I followed in

the rear of the cart, the pony still proceeding at a sturdy pace, till methought I heard other hoofs than those of

my own nag; I listened for a moment, and distinctly heard the sound of hoofs approaching at a great rate, and

evidently from the quarter towards which I and my little caravan were moving. We were in a dark lane so

dark that it was impossible for me to see my own hand. Apprehensive that some accident might occur, I ran

forward, and, seizing the pony by the bridle, drew him as near as I could to the hedge. On came the hoofs

trot, trot, trot; and evidently more than those of one horse; their speed as they advanced appeared to slacken

it was only, however, for a moment. I heard a voice cry, 'Push on, this is a desperate robbing place, never

mind the dark'; and the hoofs came on quicker than before. 'Stop!' said I, at the top of my voice; 'stop! or '

Before I could finish what I was about to say there was a stumble, a heavy fall, a cry, and a groan, and putting

out my foot I felt what I conjectured to be the head of a horse stretched upon the road. 'Lord have mercy upon

us! what's the matter?' exclaimed a voice. 'Spare my life,' cried another voice, apparently from the ground;

'only spare my life, and take all I have.' 'Where are you, Master Wise?' cried the other voice. 'Help! here,

Master Bat,' cried the voice from the ground; 'help me up or I shall be murdered.' 'Why, what's the matter?'

said Bat. 'Some one has knocked me down, and is robbing me,' said the voice from the ground. 'Help!

murder!' cried Bat; and, regardless of the entreaties of the man on the ground that he would stay and help him

up, he urged his horse forward and galloped away as fast as he could. I remained for some time quiet,

listening to various groans and exclamations uttered by the person on the ground; at length I said, 'Holloa! are

you hurt?' 'Spare my life, and take all I have!' said the voice from the ground. 'Have they not done robbing

you yet?' said I; 'when they have finished let me know, and I will come and help you.' 'Who is that?' said the

voice; 'pray come and help me, and do me no mischief.' 'You were saying that some one was robbing you,'

said I; 'don't think I shall come till he is gone away.' 'Then you ben't he?' said the voice. 'Aren't you robbed?'

said I. 'Can't say I be,' said the voice; 'not yet at any rate; but who are you? I don't know you.' 'A traveller

whom you and your partner were going to run over in this dark lane; you almost frightened me out of my

senses.' 'Frightened!' said the voice, in a louder tone; 'frightened! oh!' and thereupon I heard somebody

getting upon his legs. This accomplished, the individual proceeded to attend to his horse, and with a little

difficulty raised him upon his legs also. 'Aren't you hurt?' said I. 'Hurt!' said the voice; 'not I; don't think it,

whatever the horse may be. I tell you what, my fellow, I thought you were a robber, and now I find you are

not; I have a good mind ' 'To do what?' 'To serve you out; aren't you ashamed ?' 'At what?' said I; 'not to

have robbed you? Shall I set about it now?' 'Ha, ha!' said the man, dropping the bullying tone which he had

assumed; 'you are joking robbing! who talks of robbing? I wonder how my horse's knees are; not much

hurt, I think only mired.' The man, whoever he was, then got upon his horse; and, after moving him about a

little, said, 'Good night, friend; where are you?' 'Here I am,' said I, 'just behind you.' 'You are, are you? Take

that.' I know not what he did, but probably pricking his horse with the spur the animal kicked out violently;

one of his heels struck me on the shoulder, but luckily missed my face; I fell back with the violence of the

blow, whilst the fellow scampered off at a great rate. Stopping at some distance, he loaded me with abuse,

'What a difference!' said I, getting up; 'last night I was feted in the hall of a rich genius, and tonight I am

knocked down and mired in a dark lane by the heel of Master Wise's horse I wonder who gave him that

name? And yet he was wise enough to wreak his revenge upon me, and I was not wise enough to keep out of

I now bethought me that, as I had a carriage of my own, I might as well make use of it; I therefore got into the

cart, and, taking the reins in my hand, gave an encouraging cry to the pony, whereupon the sturdy little

animal started again at as brisk a pace as if he had not already come many a long mile. I lay half reclining in

the cart, holding the reins lazily, and allowing the animal to go just where he pleased, often wondering where

he would conduct me. At length I felt drowsy, and my head sank upon my breast; I soon aroused myself, but

it was only to doze again; this occurred several times. Opening my eyes after a doze somewhat longer than

the others, I found that the drizzling rain had ceased, a corner of the moon was apparent in the heavens,

casting a faint light; I looked around for a moment or two, but my eyes and brain were heavy with slumber,

and I could scarcely distinguish where we were. I had a kind of dim consciousness that we were traversing an

uninclosed country perhaps a heath; I thought, however, that I saw certain large black objects looming in

the distance, which I had a confused idea might be woods or plantations; the pony still moved at his usual

pace. I did not find the jolting of the cart at all disagreeable, on the contrary, it had quite a somniferous effect

upon me. Again my eyes closed; I opened them once more, but with less perception in them than before,

looked forward, and, muttering something about woodlands, I placed myself in an easier posture than I had

How long I continued in that state I am unable to say, but I believe for a considerable time; I was suddenly

awakened by the ceasing of the jolting to which I had become accustomed, and of which I was perfectly

sensible in my sleep. I started up and looked around me, the moon was still shining, and the face of the

heaven was studded with stars; I found myself amidst a maze of bushes of various kinds, but principally hazel

and holly, through which was a path or driftway with grass growing on either side, upon which the pony was

already diligently browsing. I conjectured that this place had been one of the haunts of his former master,

and, on dismounting and looking about, was strengthened in that opinion by finding a spot under an ash tree

which, from its burnt and blackened appearance, seemed to have been frequently used as a fireplace. I will

take up my quarters here, thought I; it is an excellent spot for me to commence my new profession in; I was

quite right to trust myself to the guidance of the pony. Unharnessing the animal without delay, I permitted

him to browse at free will on the grass, convinced that he would not wander far from a place to which he was

so much attached; I then pitched the little tent close beside the ash tree to which I have alluded, and conveyed

two or three articles into it, and instantly felt that I had commenced housekeeping for the first time in my life.

Housekeeping, however, without a fire is a very sorry affair, something like the housekeeping of children in

their toy houses; of this I was the more sensible from feeling very cold and shivering, owing to my late

exposure to the rain, and sleeping in the night air. Collecting, therefore, all the dry sticks and furze I could

find, I placed them upon the fireplace, adding certain chips and a billet which I found in the cart, it having

apparently been the habit of Slingsby to carry with him a small store of fuel. Having then struck a spark in a

tinderbox and lighted a match, I set fire to the combustible heap, and was not slow in raising a cheerful

blaze; I then drew my cart near the fire, and, seating myself on one of the shafts, hung over the warmth with

feelings of intense pleasure and satisfaction. Having continued in this posture for a considerable time, I

turned my eyes to the heaven in the direction of a particular star; I, however, could not find the star, nor

indeed many of the starry train, the greater number having fled, from which circumstance, and from the

appearance of the sky, I concluded that morning was nigh. About this time I again began to feel drowsy; I

therefore arose, and having prepared for myself a kind of couch in the tent, I flung myself upon it and went to

I will not say that I was awakened in the morning by the carolling of birds, as I perhaps might if I were

writing a novel; I awoke because, to use vulgar language, I had slept my sleep out, not because the birds were

carolling around me in numbers, as they had probably been for hours without my hearing them. I got up and

left my tent; the morning was yet more bright than that of the preceding day. Impelled by curiosity, I walked

about endeavouring to ascertain to what place chance, or rather the pony, had brought me; following the

driftway for some time, amidst bushes and stunted trees, I came to a grove of dark pines, through which it

appeared to lead; I tracked it a few hundred yards, but seeing nothing but trees, and the way being wet and

sloughy, owing to the recent rain, I returned on my steps, and, pursuing the path in another direction, came to

a sandy road leading over a common, doubtless the one I had traversed the preceding night. My curiosity

satisfied, I returned to my little encampment, and on the way beheld a small footpath on the left winding

through the bushes, which had before escaped my observation. Having reached my tent and cart, I

breakfasted on some of the provisions which I had procured the day before, and then proceeded to take a

regular account of the stock formerly possessed by Slingsby the tinker, but now become my own by right of

Besides the pony, the cart, and the tent, I found I was possessed of a mattress stuffed with straw on which to

lie, and a blanket to cover me, the last quite clean and nearly new; then there was a fryingpan and a kettle,

the first for cooking any food which required cooking, and the second for heating any water which I might

wish to heat. I likewise found an earthen teapot and two or three cups; of the first I should rather say I found

the remains, it being broken in three parts, no doubt since it came into my possession, which would have

precluded the possibility of my asking anybody to tea for the present, should anybody visit me, even

supposing I had tea and sugar, which was not the case. I then overhauled what might more strictly be called

the stock in trade; this consisted of various tools, an iron ladle, a chafingpan and small bellows, sundry pans

and kettles, the latter being of tin, with the exception of one which was of copper, all in a state of

considerable dilapidation if I may use the term; of these first Slingsby had spoken in particular, advising me

to mend them as soon as possible, and to endeavour to sell them, in order that I might have the satisfaction of

receiving some return upon the outlay which I had made. There was likewise a small quantity of block tin,

sheet tin, and solder. 'This Slingsby,' said I, 'is certainly a very honest man, he has sold me more than my

money's worth; I believe, however, there is something more in the cart.' Thereupon I rummaged the farther

end of the cart, and, amidst a quantity of straw, I found a small anvil and bellows of that kind which are used

The sight of these last articles caused me no little surprise, as no word which had escaped from the mouth of

Slingsby had given me reason to suppose that he had ever followed the occupation of a smith; yet, if he had

not, how did he come by them? I sat down upon the shaft, and pondered the question deliberately in my

mind; at length I concluded that he had come by them by one of those numerous casualties which occur upon

the roads, of which I, being a young hand upon the roads, must have a very imperfect conception; honestly, of

course for I scouted the idea that Slingsby would have stolen this blacksmith's gear for I had the highest

opinion of his honesty, which opinion I still retain at the present day, which is upwards of twenty years from

the time of which I am speaking, during the whole of which period I have neither seen the poor fellow nor

New profession Beautiful night Jupiter Sharp and shrill The Rommany chi All alone

Threeandsixpence What is Rommany? Be civil Parraco tute Slight start She will be grateful The

I PASSED the greater part of the day in endeavouring to teach myself the mysteries of my new profession. I

cannot say that I was very successful, but the time passed agreeably, and was therefore not ill spent. Towards

This time I turned up the small footpath of which I have already spoken. It led in a zigzag manner through

thickets of hazel, elder, and sweetbrier; after following its windings for somewhat better than a furlong, I

heard a gentle sound of water, and presently came to a small rill, which ran directly across the path. I was

rejoiced at the sight, for I had already experienced the want of water, which I yet knew must be nigh at hand,

as I was in a place to all appearance occasionally frequented by wandering people, who I was aware never

take up their quarters in places where water is difficult to be obtained. Forthwith I stretched myself on the

ground, and took a long and delicious draught of the crystal stream, and then, seating myself in a bush, I

continued for some time gazing on the water as it purled tinkling away in its channel through an opening in

the hazels, and should have probably continued much longer had not the thought that I had left my property

Night came on, and a beautiful night it was; up rose the moon, and innumerable stars decked the firmament of

heaven. I sat on the shaft, my eyes turned upwards. I had found it: there it was twinkling millions of miles

above me, mightiest star of the system to which we belong: of all stars the one which has most interest for me

Why have I always taken an interest in thee, O Jupiter? I know nothing about thee, save what every child

knows, that thou art a big star, whose only light is derived from moons. And is not that knowledge enough to

make me feel an interest in thee? Ay, truly; I never look at thee without wondering what is going on in thee;

what is life in Jupiter? That there is life in Jupiter who can doubt? There is life in our own little star, therefore

there must be life in Jupiter, which is not a little star. But how different must life be in Jupiter from what it is

in our own little star! Life here is life beneath the dear sun life in Jupiter is life beneath moons four

moons no single moon is able to illumine that vast bulk. All know what life is in our own little star; it is

anything but a routine of happiness here, where the dear sun rises to us every day: then how sad and moping

must life be in mighty Jupiter, on which no sun ever shines, and which is never lighted save by pale

moonbeams! The thought that there is more sadness and melancholy in Jupiter than in this world of ours,

where, alas! there is but too much, has always made me take a melancholy interest in that huge distant star.

Two or three days passed by in much the same manner as the first. During the morning I worked upon my

kettles, and employed the remaining part of the day as I best could. The whole of this time I only saw two

individuals, rustics, who passed by my encampment without vouchsafing me a glance; they probably

One very brilliant morning, as I sat at work in very good spirits, for by this time I had actually mended in a

very creditable way, as I imagined, two kettles and a fryingpan, I heard a voice which seemed to proceed

from the path leading to the rivulet; at first it sounded from a considerable distance, but drew nearer by

degrees. I soon remarked that the tones were exceedingly sharp and shrill, with yet something of childhood in

them. Once or twice I distinguished certain words in the song which the voice was singing; the words were

but no, I thought again I was probably mistaken and then the voice ceased for a time; presently I heard it

again, close to the entrance of the footpath; in another moment I heard it in the lane or glade in which stood

my tent, where it abruptly stopped, but not before I had heard the very words which I at first thought I had

I turned my head; at the entrance of the footpath, which might be about thirty yards from the place where I

was sitting, I perceived the figure of a young girl; her face was turned towards me, and she appeared to be

scanning me and my encampment; after a little time she looked in the other direction, only for a moment,

however; probably observing nothing in that quarter, she again looked towards me, and almost immediately

stepped forward; and, as she advanced, sang the song which I had heard in the wood, the first words of which

'The Rommany chi And the Rommany chal Shall jaw tasaulor To drab the bawlor, And dook the gry Of the

A very pretty song, thought I, falling again hard to work upon my kettle; a very pretty song, which bodes the

'All alone here, brother?' said a voice close by me, in sharp but not disagreeable tones.

I made no answer, but continued my work, click, click, with the gravity which became one of my profession.

A girl of about thirteen was standing before me; her features were very pretty, but with a peculiar expression;

her complexion was a clear olive, and her jet black hair hung back upon her shoulders. She was rather

scantily dressed, and her arms and feet were bare; round her neck, however, was a handsome string of corals,

'All alone here, brother?' said the girl, as I looked up; 'all alone here, in the lane; where are your wife and

'Why do you call me brother?' said I; 'am no brother of yours. Do you take me for one of your people? I am

'Don't be afraid, brother, you are no Roman Roman indeed, you are not handsome enough to be a Roman;

not black enough, tinker though you be. If I called you brother, it was because I didn't know what else to call

'Neither like you nor dislike you, brother; what will you have for that kekaubi?'

'What's the use of talking to me in that unchristian way; what do you mean, young gentlewoman?'

'Lord, brother, what a fool you are; every tinker knows what a kekaubi is. I was asking you what you would

'Well mended! I could have done it better myself; threeand sixpence! it's only fit to be played at football

'I will take no less for it, young gentlewoman; it has caused me a world of trouble.'

'I am young, brother; my hair is black that's nature: you are young, brother; your hair is white that's not

'I can't help it if it be not, but it is nature after all; did you never see gray hair on the young?'

'Never! I have heard it is true of a gray lad, and a bad one he was. Oh, so bad.'

'Sit down on the grass, and tell me all about it, sister; do, to oblige me, pretty sister.'

'Hey, brother, you don't speak as you did you don't speak like a gorgio, you speak like one of us, you call

'I say, brother, tell me one thing, and look me in the face there do you speak Rommany?'

'What is Rommany? our language to be sure; tell me, brother, only one thing, you don't speak Rommany?'

'Do you mean thieves' slang cant? no, I don't speak cant, don't like it, I only know a few words; they call a

'I don't know,' said the girl, sitting down on the ground, 'I was almost thinking well, never mind, you don't

'Brother, I am the poor person's child, I will give you sixpence for the kekaubi.'

'I never saw a nicer mended kettle, brother; am I to have the kekaubi, brother?'

'I don't dislike you I dislike no one; there's only one, and him I don't dislike, him I hate.'

'I scarcely know, I never saw him, but 'tis no affair of yours, you don't speak Rommany; you will let me have

'Parraco tute, that is, I thank you, brother; the rikkeni kekaubi is now mine. O, rare! I thank you kindly,

Starting up, she flung the bulrush aside which she had hitherto held in her hand, and, seizing the kettle, she

looked at it for a moment, and then began a kind of dance, flourishing the kettle over her head the while, and

'The Rommany chi And the Rommany chal Shall jaw tasaulor To drab the bawlor, And dook the gry Of the

'Ha, ha! gypsy daughter,' said I, starting up and clapping my hands, 'I don't understand Rommany, don't I?

'The Rommany chi And the Rommany chal, Love Luripen And dukkeripen, And hokkeripen, And every pen

The girl, who had given a slight start when I began, remained for some time after I had concluded the song

standing motionless as a statue, with the kettle in her hand. At length she came towards me, and stared me

full in the face. 'Gray, tall, and talks Rommany,' said she to herself. In her countenance there was an

expression which I had not seen before an expression which struck me as being composed of fear, curiosity,

and the deepest hate. It was momentary, however, and was succeeded by one smiling, frank, and open. 'Ha,

ha, brother,' said she, 'well, I like you all the better for talking Rommany; it is a sweet language, isn't it?

especially as you sing it. How did you pick it up? But you picked it up upon the roads, no doubt? Ha, it was

funny in you to pretend not to know it, and you so flush with it all the time; it was not kind in you, however,

to frighten the poor person's child so by screaming out, but it was kind in you to give the rikkeni kekaubi to

the child of the poor person. She will be grateful to you; she will bring you her little dog to show you, her

pretty juggal; the poor person's child will come and see you again; you are not going away today, I hope, or

tomorrow, pretty brother, grayhaired brother you are not going away tomorrow, I hope?'

'Nor the next day,' said I, 'only to take a stroll to see if I can sell a kettle; goodbye, little sister, Rommany

'There's something about that girl that I don't understand,' said I to myself; 'something mysterious. However,

Late that evening as I sat on the shaft of my cart in deep meditation, with my arms folded, I thought I heard a

rustling in the bushes over against me. I turned my eyes in that direction, but saw nothing. 'Some bird,' said I;

'an owl, perhaps'; and once more I fell into meditation; my mind wandered from one thing to another

musing now on the structure of the Roman tongue now on the rise and fall of the Persian power and now

on the powers vested in recorders at quartersessions. I was thinking what a fine thing it must be to be a

recorder of the peace, when, lifting up my eyes, I saw right opposite, not a culprit at the bar, but, staring at me

through a gap in the bush, a face wild and strange, half covered with gray hair; I only saw it a moment, the

Friend of Slingsby All quiet Danger The two cakes Children in the wood Don't be angry In deep

thought Temples throbbing Deadly sick Another blow No answer How old are you? Play and

sacrament Heavy heart Song of poison Drow of gypsies The dog Ely's church Get up, bebee

THE next day, at an early hour, I harnessed my little pony, and, putting my things in my cart, I went on my

projected stroll. Crossing the moor, I arrived in about an hour at a small village, from which, after a short

stay, I proceeded to another, and from thence to a third. I found that the name of Slingsby was well known in

'If you are a friend of Slingsby you must be an honest lad,' said an ancient crone; 'you shall never want for

work whilst I can give it you. Here, take my kettle, the bottom came out this morning, and lend me that of

yours till you bring it back. I'm not afraid to trust you not I. Don't hurry yourself, young man, if you don't

I returned to my quarters at evening, tired, but rejoiced at heart; I had work before me for several days,

having collected various kekaubies which required mending, in place of those which I left behind those

which I had been employed upon during the last few days. I found all quiet in the lane or glade, and,

unharnessing my little horse, I once more pitched my tent in the old spot beneath the ash, lighted my fire, ate

my frugal meal, and then, after looking for some time at the heavenly bodies, and more particularly at the star

Nothing occurred on the following day which requires any particular notice, nor indeed on the one

succeeding that. It was about noon on the third day that I sat beneath the shade of the ash tree; I was not at

work, for the weather was particularly hot, and I felt but little inclination to make any exertion. Leaning my

back against the tree, I was not long in falling into a slumber; I particularly remember that slumber of mine

beneath the ash tree, for it was about the sweetest slumber that I ever enjoyed; how long I continued in it I do

not know; I could almost have wished that it had lasted to the present time. All of a sudden it appeared to me

that a voice cried in my ear, 'Danger! danger! danger!' Nothing seemingly could be more distinct than the

words which I heard; then an uneasy sensation came over me, which I strove to get rid of, and at last

succeeded, for I awoke. The gypsy girl was standing just opposite to me, with her eyes fixed upon my

'Danger, brother, there is no danger; what danger should there be? I called to my little dog, but that was in the

wood; my little dog's name is not danger, but Stranger; what danger should there be, brother?'

'What, indeed, except in sleeping beneath a tree; what is that you have got in your hand?'

'Something for you,' said the girl, sitting down and proceeding to untie a white napkin; 'a pretty manricli, so

sweet, so nice; when I went home to my people I told my grandbebee how kind you had been to the poor

person's child, and when my grandbebee saw the kekaubi, she said, "Hir mi devlis, it won't do for the poor

people to be ungrateful; by my God, I will bake a cake for the young harko mescro."'

'Yes, brother, two cakes, both for you; my grandbebee meant them both for you but list, brother, I will have

one of them for bringing them. I know you will give me one, pretty brother, gray haired brother which

In the napkin were two round cakes, seemingly made of rich and costly compounds, and precisely similar in

'Yes, brother, yes,' said the girl; and taking the cakes, she flung them into the air two or three times, catching

them as they fell, and singing the while. 'Pretty brother, grayhaired brother here, brother,' said she, 'here is

'Quite sure, brother; but if you like you can have mine; there's no difference, however shall I eat?'

'Not hungry! well, what then what has being hungry to do with the matter? It is my grandbebee's cake

which was sent because you were kind to the poor person's child; eat, brother, eat, and we shall be like the

'It is very rich and sweet, and yet there is something strange about it; I don't think I shall eat any more.'

'Fie, brother, fie, to find fault with the poor person's cake; see, I have nearly eaten mine.'

'Only to give her a piece of cake,' said I, offering the dog a piece which I had just broken off.

'What do you mean?' said the girl, snatching the dog away; 'my grandbebee's cake is not for dogs.'

'You lie, brother, you saw no such thing; but I see how it is, you wish to affront the poor person's child. I shall

'Keep still, and don't be angry; see, I have eaten the piece which I offered the dog. I meant no offence. It is a

'Isn't it, brother? I am glad you like it. Offence, brother, no offence at all! I am so glad you like my

grandbebee's cake, but she will be wanting me at home. Eat one piece more of grandbebee's cake, and I will

'I will not eat any more, I have already eaten more than I wished to oblige you; if you must go, goodday to

The girl rose upon her feet, looked hard at me, then at the remainder of the cake which I held in my hand, and

then at me again, and then stood for a moment or two, as if in deep thought; presently an air of satisfaction

came over her countenance, she smiled and said, 'Well, brother, well, do as you please, I merely wished you

to eat because you have been so kind to the poor person's child. She loves you so, that she could have wished

to have seen you eat it all; goodbye, brother, I daresay when I am gone you will eat some more of it, and if

you don't, I daresay you have eaten enough to to show your love for us. After all it was a poor person's

cake, a Rommany manricli, and all you gorgios are somewhat gorgious. Farewell, brother, pretty brother,

I remained under the ash tree seated on the grass for a minute or two, and endeavoured to resume the

occupation in which I had been engaged before I fell asleep, but I felt no inclination for labour. I then thought

I would sleep again, and once more reclined against the tree, and slumbered for some little time, but my sleep

was more agitated than before. Something appeared to bear heavy on my breast, I struggled in my sleep, fell

on the grass, and awoke; my temples were throbbing, there was a burning in my eyes, and my mouth felt

parched; the oppression about the chest which I had felt in my sleep still continued. 'I must shake off these

feelings,' said I, 'and get upon my legs.' I walked rapidly up and down upon the green sward; at length,

feeling my thirst increase, I directed my steps down the narrow path to the spring which ran amidst the

bushes; arriving there, I knelt down and drank of the water, but on lifting up my head I felt thirstier than

before; again I drank, but with the like result; I was about to drink for the third time, when I felt a dreadful

qualm which instantly robbed me of nearly all my strength. What can be the matter with me? thought I; but I

suppose I have made myself ill by drinking cold water. I got up and made the best of my way back to my

tent; before I reached it the qualm had seized me again, and I was deadly sick. I flung myself on my pallet,

qualm succeeded qualm, but in the intervals my mouth was dry and burning, and I felt a frantic desire to

drink, but no water was at hand, and to reach the spring once more was impossible; the qualms continued,

deadly pains shot through my whole frame; I could bear my agonies no longer, and I fell into a trance or

swoon. How long I continued therein I know not; on recovering, however, I felt somewhat better, and

attempted to lift my head off my couch; the next moment, however, the qualms and pains returned, if

possible, with greater violence than before. I am dying, thought I, like a dog, without any help; and then

methought I heard a sound at a distance like people singing, and then once more I relapsed into my swoon.

I revived just as a heavy blow sounded upon the canvas of the tent. I started, but my condition did not permit

me to rise; again the same kind of blow sounded upon the canvas; I thought for a moment of crying out and

requesting assistance, but an inexplicable something chained my tongue, and now I heard a whisper on the

outside of the tent. 'He does not move, bebee,' said a voice which I knew. 'I should not wonder if it has done

for him already; however, strike again with your ran'; and then there was another blow, after which another

voice cried aloud in a strange tone, 'Is the gentleman of the house asleep, or is he taking his dinner?' I

remained quite silent and motionless, and in another moment the voice continued, 'What, no answer? what

can the gentleman of the house be about that he makes no answer? perhaps the gentleman of the house may

be darning his stockings?' Thereupon a face peered into the door of the tent, at the farther extremity of which

I was stretched. It was that of a woman, but owing to the posture in which she stood, with her back to the

light, and partly owing to a large straw bonnet, I could distinguish but very little of the features of her

countenance. I had, however, recognised her voice; it was that of my old acquaintance, Mrs. Herne. 'Ho, ho,

sir!' said she, 'here you are. Come here, Leonora,' said she to the gypsy girl, who pressed in at the other side

of the door; 'here is the gentleman, not asleep, but only stretched out after dinner. Sit down on your ham,

child, at the door, I shall do the same. There you have seen me before, sir, have you not?'

'I have known him of old, Leonora,' said Mrs. Herne; 'and, to tell you the truth, though I spoke to him just

'I do not think that will be of much use, child; however, I will take off my bonnet there and shake out my

'Yes, child, the gentleman in the house. God grant that I may preserve my temper. Do you know, sir, my

name? My name is Herne, which signifies a hairy individual, though neither grayhaired nor wrinkled. It is

not the nature of the Hernes to be gray or wrinkled, even when they are old, and I am not old.'

'Sixtyfive years, child an inconsiderable number. My mother was a hundred and one a considerable age

when she died, yet she had not one gray hair, and not more than six wrinkles an inconsiderable number.'

'No, child; my head wanders when I think of them. After the death of my husband, who came to his end

untimeously, I went to live with a daughter of mine, married out among certain Romans who walk about the

eastern counties, and with whom for some time I found a home and pleasant society, for they lived right

Romanly, which gave my heart considerable satisfaction, who am a Roman born, and hope to die so. When I

say right Romanly, I mean that they kept to themselves, and were not much given to blabbing about their

private matters in promiscuous company. Well, things went on in this way for some time, when one day my

soninlaw brings home a young gorgio of singular and outrageous ugliness, and, without much preamble,

says to me and mine, "This is my pal, ain't he a beauty? fall down and worship him." "Hold," said I, "I for one

'I think you would, child; but what was the profit of it? The whole party makes an almighty of this gorgio,

lets him into their ways, says prayers of his making, till things come to such a pass that my own daughter

says to me, "I shall buy myself a veil and fan, and treat myself to a play and sacrament." "Don't," says I; says

she, "I should like for once in my life to be courtesied to as a Christian gentlewoman."'

'Wasn't it, child? Where was I? At the fan and sacrament; with a heavy heart I put seven score miles between

us, came back to the hairy ones, and found them overgiven to gorgious companions; said I, "Foolish

manners is catching; all this comes of that there gorgio." Answers the child Leonora, "Take comfort, bebee; I

'Time flows on, I engage in many matters, in most miscarry. Am sent to prison; says I to myself, I am become

foolish. Am turned out of prison, and go back to the hairy ones, who receive me not over courteously; says I,

for their unkindness, and my own foolishness, all the thanks to that gorgio. Answers to me the child, "I wish I

'"How shall I know him, bebee?' says the child. "Young and gray, tall, and speaks Romanly." Runs to me the

child, and says, "I've found him, bebee." "Where, child?" says I. "Come with me, bebee," says the child.

'You have taken drows, sir,' said Mrs. Herne; 'do you hear, sir? drows; tip him a stave, child, of the song of

'The Rommany churl And the Rommany girl Tomorrow shall hie To poison the sty, And bewitch on the

'Do you hear that, sir?' said Mrs. Herne; 'the child has tipped you a stave of the song of poison: that is, she has

sung it Christianly, though perhaps you would like to hear it Romanly; you were always fond of what was

'He has heard it Romanly already, bebee; 'twas by that I found him out, as I told you.'

'Halloo, sir, are you sleeping? you have taken drows; the gentleman makes no answer. God give me patience!'

'And what if he doesn't, bebee; isn't he poisoned like a hog? Gentleman, indeed! why call him gentleman? if

'That's his way, child, today a tinker, tomorrow something else; and as for being drabbed, I don't know

'Not drabbed! what do you mean, bebee? but look there, bebee; ha, ha, look at the gentleman's motions.'

'He is sick, child, sure enough. Ho, ho! sir, you have taken drows; what, another throe! writhe, sir, writhe; the

hog died by the drow of gypsies; I saw him stretched at evening. That's yourself, sir. There is no hope, sir, no

help, you have taken drow; shall I tell you your fortune, sir, your dukkerin? God bless you, pretty gentleman,

much trouble will you have to suffer, and much water to cross; but never mind, pretty gentleman, you shall be

'Hey, bebee!' cried the girl; 'what is this? what do you mean? you have blessed the gorgio!'

'Blessed him! no, sure; what did I say? Oh, I remember, I'm mad; well, I can't help it, I said what the dukkerin

'Don't say so, child; he's sick, 'tis true, but don't laugh at dukkerin, only folks do that that know no better. I,

for one, will never laugh at the dukkerin dook. Sick again; I wish he was gone.'

'He'll soon be gone, bebee; let's leave him. He's as good as gone; look there, he's dead.'

'Hasten him! yes, to be sure; set the dog upon him. Here, juggal, look in there, my dog.'

The dog made its appearance at the door of the tent, and began to bark and tear up the ground.

'The dog won't fly at him, child; he flashed at the dog with his eye, and scared him. He'll get up.'

'The dook tells me so, and, what's more, I had a dream. I thought I was at York, standing amidst a crowd to

see a man hung, and the crowd shouted, "There he comes!" and I looked, and, lo! it was the tinker; before I

could cry with joy I was whisked away, and I found myself in Ely's big church, which was chock full of

people to hear the dean preach, and all eyes were turned to the big pulpit; and presently I heard them say,

"There he mounts!" and I looked up to the big pulpit, and, lo! the tinker was in the pulpit, and he raised his

arm and began to preach. Anon, I found myself at York again, just as the drop fell, and I looked up, and I saw

'You are going mad, bebee; if you want to hasten him, take your stick and poke him in the eye.'

'That will be of no use, child, the dukkerin tells me so; but I will try what I can do. Halloo, tinker! you must

introduce yourself into a quiet family, and raise confusion must you? You must steal its language, and,

what was never done before, write it down Christianly must you? Take that and that'; and she stabbed

'That's right, bebee, you struck his face; now once more, and let it be in the eye. Stay, what's that? get up,

'Let me make sure of him, child; he'll be up yet.' And thereupon Mrs. Herne, rising, leaned forward into the

tent, and, supporting herself against the pole, took aim in the direction of the farther end. 'I will thrust out his

eye,' said she; and, lunging with her stick, she would probably have accomplished her purpose had not at that

moment the pole of the tent given way, whereupon she fell to the ground, the canvas falling upon her and her

'Get up! get up yourself; where are you? where is your Here, there, bebee, here's the door; there, make

'He'll get up yet,' said Mrs. Herne, recovering her breath; 'the dock tells me so.'

'Never mind him or the dook; he is drabbed; come away, or we shall be grabbed both of us.'

A vehicle of some kind was evidently drawing nigh; in a little time it came alongside of the place where lay

the fallen tent, and stopped suddenly. There was a silence for a moment, and then a parley ensued between

two voices, one of which was that of a woman. It was not in English, but in a deep guttural tongue.

'Yn wirionedd I do not know what it can be,' said the female voice, in the same tongue.

'Then I will get down, though I do not like this place; it is frequented by Egyptians, and I do not like their

yellow faces, nor their clibberty clabber, as Master Ellis Wyn says. Now I am down. It is a tent, Winifred,

A middleaged man, with a strongly marked and serious countenance, dressed in sobercoloured

habiliments, had lifted up the stifling folds of the tent, and was bending over me. 'Can you speak, my lad?'

said he in English; 'what is the matter with you? if you could but tell me, I could perhaps help you ' 'What is

that you say? I can't hear you. I will kneel down'; and he flung himself on the ground, and placed his ear close

to my mouth. 'Now speak if you can. Hey! what! no, sure, God forbid!' then starting up, he cried to a female

who sat in the cart, anxiously looking on 'Gwenwyn! gwenwyn! yw y gwas wedi ei gwenwynaw. The oil!

Desired effect The three oaks Winifred Things of time With God's will The preacher Creature

THE OIL, which the strangers compelled me to take, produced the desired effect, though, during at least two

hours, it was very doubtful whether or not my life would be saved. At the end of that period the man said that

with the blessing of God he would answer for my life. He then demanded whether I thought I could bear to be

removed from the place in which we were; 'for I like it not,' he continued, 'as something within me tells me

that it is not good for any of us to be here.' I told him, as well as I was able, that I, too, should be glad to leave

the place; whereupon, after collecting my things, he harnessed my pony, and, with the assistance of the

woman, he contrived to place me in the cart; he then gave me a draught out of a small phial, and we set

forward at a slow pace, the man walking by the side of the cart in which I lay. It is probable that the draught

consisted of a strong opiate, for after swallowing it I fell into a deep slumber; on my awaking, I found that the

shadows of night had enveloped the earth we were still moving on. Shortly, however, after descending a

declivity, we turned into a lane, at the entrance of which was a gate. This lane conducted to a meadow,

through the middle of which ran a small brook; it stood between two rising grounds; that on the left, which

was on the farther side of the water, was covered with wood, whilst the one on the right, which was not so

Advancing along the meadow, we presently came to a place where grew three immense oaks, almost on the

side of the brook, over which they flung their arms, so as to shade it as with a canopy; the ground beneath

was bare of grass, and nearly as hard and smooth as the floor of a barn. Having led his own cart on one side

of the midmost tree, and my own on the other, the stranger said to me, 'This is the spot where my wife and

myself generally tarry in the summer season, when we come into these parts. We are about to pass the night

here. I suppose you will have no objection to do the same? Indeed, I do not see what else you could do under

present circumstances.' After receiving my answer, in which I, of course, expressed my readiness to assent to

his proposal, he proceeded to unharness his horse, and, feeling myself much better, I got down, and began to

Whilst thus engaged, I felt myself touched on the shoulder, and, looking round, perceived the woman, whom

the stranger called Winifred, standing close to me. The moon was shining brightly upon her, and I observed

that she was very goodlooking, with a composed yet cheerful expression of countenance; her dress was

plain and primitive, very much resembling that of a Quaker. She held a straw bonnet in her hand. 'I am glad

to see thee moving about, young man,' said she, in a soft, placid tone; 'I could scarcely have expected it. Thou

must be wondrous strong; many, after what thou hast suffered, would not have stood on their feet for weeks

and months. What do I say? Peter, my husband, who is skilled in medicine, just now told me that not one in

five hundred would have survived what thou hast this day undergone; but allow me to ask thee one thing,

Hast thou returned thanks to God for thy deliverance?' I made no answer, and the woman, after a pause, said,

'Excuse me, young man, but do you know anything of God?' 'Very little,' I replied, 'but I should say He must

be a wondrous strong person, if He made all those big bright things up above there, to say nothing of the

ground on which we stand, which bears beings like these oaks, each of which is fifty times as strong as

myself, and will live twenty times as long.' The woman was silent for some moments, and then said, 'I

scarcely know in what spirit thy words are uttered. If thou art serious, however, I would caution thee against

supposing that the power of God is more manifested in these trees, or even in those bright stars above us, than

in thyself they are things of time, but thou art a being destined to an eternity; it depends upon thyself

Here she was interrupted by the man, who exclaimed from the other side of the tree, 'Winifred, it is getting

late, you had better go up to the house on the hill to inform our friends of our arrival, or they will have retired

for the night.' 'True,' said Winifred, and forthwith wended her way to the house in question, returning shortly

with another woman, whom the man, speaking in the same language which I had heard him first use, greeted

by the name of Mary; the woman replied in the same tongue, but almost immediately said, in English, 'We

hoped to have heard you speak tonight, Peter, but we cannot expect that now, seeing that it is so late, owing

to your having been detained by the way, as Winifred tells me; nothing remains for you to do now but to sup

tomorrow, with God's will, we shall hear you.' 'And tonight, also, with God's will, provided you be so

disposed. Let those of your family come hither.' 'They will be hither presently,' said Mary, 'for knowing that

thou art arrived, they will, of course, come and bid thee welcome.' And scarcely had she spoke, when I beheld

a party of people descending the moonlit side of the hill. They soon arrived at the place where we were; they

might amount in all to twelve individuals. The principal person was a tall, athletic man, of about forty,

dressed like a plain country farmer; this was, I soon found, the husband of Mary; the rest of the group

consisted of the children of these two, and their domestic servants. One after another they all shook Peter by

the hand, men and women, boys and girls, and expressed their joy at seeing him. After which he said, 'Now,

friends, if you please, I will speak a few words to you.' A stool was then brought him from the cart, which he

stepped on, and the people arranging themselves round him, some standing, some seated on the ground, he

forthwith began to address them in a clear, distinct voice; and the subject of his discourse was the necessity,

The preacher was better than his promise, for, instead of speaking a few words, he preached for at least

threequarters of an hour; none of the audience, however, showed the slightest symptom of weariness; on the

contrary, the hope of each individual appeared to hang upon the words which proceeded from his mouth. At

the conclusion of the sermon or discourse the whole assembly again shook Peter by the hand, and returned to

their house, the mistress of the family saying, as she departed, 'I shall soon be back, Peter; I go but to make

arrangements for the supper of thyself and company'; and, in effect, she presently returned, attended by a

young woman, who bore a tray in her hands. 'Set it down, Jessy,' said the mistress to the girl, 'and then betake

thyself to thy rest, I shall remain here for a little time to talk with my friends.' The girl departed, and the

preacher and the two females placed themselves on the ground about the tray. The man gave thanks, and

himself and his wife appeared to be about to eat, when the latter suddenly placed her hand upon his arm, and

said something to him in a low voice, whereupon he exclaimed, 'Ay, truly, we were both forgetful'; and then

getting up, he came towards me, who stood a little way off, leaning against the wheel of my cart; and, taking

me by the hand, he said, 'Pardon us, young man, we were both so engaged in our own creaturecomforts, that

we forgot thee, but it is not too late to repair our fault; wilt thou not join us, and taste our bread and milk?' 'I

cannot eat,' I replied, 'but I think I could drink a little milk'; whereupon he led me to the rest, and seating me

by his side, he poured some milk into a horn cup, saying, '"Croesaw." That,' added he, with a smile, 'is Welsh

The fare upon the tray was of the simplest description, consisting of bread, cheese, milk, and curds. My two

friends partook with a good appetite. 'Mary,' said the preacher, addressing himself to the woman of the house,

'every time I come to visit thee, I find thee less inclined to speak Welsh. I suppose, in a little time, thou wilt

entirely have forgotten it; hast thou taught it to any of thy children?' 'The two eldest understand a few words,'

said the woman, 'but my husband does not wish them to learn it; he says sometimes, jocularly, that though it

pleased him to marry a Welsh wife, it does not please him to have Welsh children. Who, I have heard him

say, would be a Welshman, if he could be an Englishman?' 'I for one,' said the preacher, somewhat hastily;

'not to be king of all England would I give up my birthright as a Welshman. Your husband is an excellent

person, Mary, but I am afraid he is somewhat prejudiced.' 'You do him justice, Peter, in saying that he is an

excellent person,' sail the woman; 'as to being prejudiced, I scarcely know what to say, but he thinks that two

languages in the same kingdom are almost as bad as two kings.' 'That's no bad observation,' said the preacher,

'and it is generally the case; yet, thank God, the Welsh and English go on very well, side by side, and I hope

will do so till the Almighty calls all men to their long account.' 'They jog on very well now,' said the woman;

'but I have heard my husband say that it was not always so, and that the Welsh, in old times, were a violent

and ferocious people, for that once they hanged the mayor of Chester.' 'Ha, ha!' said the preacher, and his

eyes flashed in the moonlight; 'he told you that, did he?' 'Yes,' said Mary; 'once, when the mayor of Chester,

with some of his people, was present at one of the fairs over the border, a quarrel arose between the Welsh

and the English, and the Welsh beat the English, and hanged the mayor.' 'Your husband is a clever man,' said

Peter, 'and knows a great deal; did he tell you the name of the leader of the Welsh? No! then I will: the leader

of the Welsh on that occasion was . He was a powerful chieftain, and there was an old feud between him

and the men of Chester. Afterwards, when two hundred of the men of Chester invaded his country to take

revenge for their mayor, he enticed them into a tower, set fire to it, and burnt them all. That was a very fine,

noble God forgive me, what was I about to say a very bad, violent man; but, Mary, this is very carnal and

unprofitable conversation, and in holding it we set a very bad example to the young man here let us change

They then began to talk on religious matters. At length Mary departed to her abode, and the preacher and his

'Poor fellow, he seems to be almost brutally ignorant,' said Peter, addressing his wife in their native language,

'I am afraid he is,' said Winifred, 'yet my heart warms to the poor lad, he seems so forlorn.'

Morning hymn Much alone John Bunyan Beholden to nobody Sixtyfive Sober greeting Early

Sabbaths Finny brood The porch No fortunetelling The master's niece Doing good Two or three

I SLEPT soundly during that night, partly owing to the influence of the opiate. Early in the morning I was

awakened by the voices of Peter and his wife, who were singing a morning hymn in their own language. Both

subsequently prayed long and fervently. I lay still till their devotions were completed, and then left my tent.

'Good morning,' said Peter, 'how dost thou feel?' 'Much better,' said I, 'than I could have expected.' 'I am glad

of it,' said Peter. 'Art thou hungry? yonder comes our breakfast,' pointing to the same young woman I had

seen the preceding night, who was again descending the hill bearing the tray upon her head.

'What dust thou intend to do, young man, this day?' said Peter, when we had about half finished breakfast.

'Do,' said I; 'as I do other days, what I can.' 'And dost thou pass this day as thou dost other days?' said Peter.

'Why not?' said I; 'what is there in this day different from the rest? it seems to be of the same colour as

yesterday.' 'Art thou aware,' said the wife, interposing, 'what day it is? that it is Sabbath? that it is Sunday?'

'No,' said I, 'I did not know that it was Sunday.' 'And how did that happen?' said Winifred, with a sigh. 'To tell

you the truth,' said I, 'I live very much alone, and pay very little heed to the passing of time.' 'And yet of what

infinite importance is time,' said Winifred. 'Art thou not aware that every year brings thee nearer to thy end?'

'I do not think,' said I, 'that I am so near my end as I was yesterday.' 'Yes, thou art,' said the woman; 'thou

wast not doomed to die yesterday; an invisible hand was watching over thee yesterday; but thy day will come,

therefore improve the time; be grateful that thou wast saved yesterday; and, oh! reflect on one thing; if thou

hadst died yesterday, where wouldst thou have been now?' 'Cast into the earth, perhaps,' said I. 'I have heard

Mr. Petulengro say that to be cast into the earth is the natural end of man.' 'Who is Mr. Petulengro?' said

Peter, interrupting his wife, as she was about to speak. 'Master of the horseshoe,' said I; 'and, according to

his own account, king of Egypt.' 'I understand,' said Peter, 'head of some family of wandering Egyptians

they are a race utterly godless. Art thou of them? but no, thou art not, thou hast not their yellow blood. I

suppose thou belongest to the family of wandering artisans called . I do not like you the worse for belonging

to them. A mighty speaker of old sprang up from amidst that family.' 'Who was he?' said I. 'John Bunyan,'

replied Peter, reverently, 'and the mention of his name reminds me that I have to preach this day; wilt thou go

and hear? the distance is not great, only half a mile.' 'No,' said I, 'I will not go and hear.' 'Wherefore?' said

Peter. 'I belong to the church,' said I, 'and not to the congregations.' 'Oh! the pride of that church,' said Peter,

addressing his wife in their own tongue, 'exemplified even in the lowest and most ignorant of its members.

Then thou, doubtless, meanest to go to church,' said Peter, again addressing me; 'there is a church on the other

side of that wooded hill.' 'No,' said I, 'I do not mean to go to church.' 'May I ask thee wherefore?' said Peter.

'Because,' said I, 'I prefer remaining beneath the shade of these trees, listening to the sound of the leaves and

'Then thou intendest to remain here?' said Peter, looking fixedly at me. 'If I do not intrude,' said I; 'but if I do,

I will wander away; I wish to be beholden to nobody perhaps you wish me to go?' 'On the contrary,' said

Peter, 'I wish you to stay. I begin to see something in thee which has much interest for me; but we must now

bid thee farewell for the rest of the day, the time is drawing nigh for us to repair to the place of preaching;

before we leave thee alone, however, I should wish to ask thee a question Didst thou seek thy own

destruction yesterday, and didst thou wilfully take that poison?' 'No,' said I; 'had I known there had been

poison in the cake I certainly should not have taken it.' 'And who gave it thee?' said Peter. 'An enemy of

mine,' I replied. 'Who is thy enemy?' 'An Egyptian sorceress and poisonmonger.' 'Thy enemy is a female. I

fear thou hadst given her cause to hate thee of what did she complain?' 'That I had stolen the tongue out of

Here Winifred interposed. 'Thou didst call her just now by hard names, young man,' said she; 'I trust thou

dost bear no malice against her.' 'No,' said I, 'I bear no malice against her.' 'Thou art not wishing to deliver her

into the hand of what is called justice?' 'By no means,' said I; 'I have lived long enough upon the roads not to

cry out for the constable when my finger is broken. I consider this poisoning as an accident of the roads; one

of those to which those who travel are occasionally subject.' 'In short, thou forgivest thine adversary?' 'Both

now and for ever,' said I. 'Truly,' said Winifred, 'the spirit which the young man displayeth pleases me much;

I should be loth that he left us yet. I have no doubt that, with the blessing of God, and a little of thy

exhortation, he will turn out a true Christian before he leaveth us.' 'My exhortation!' said Peter, and a dark

shade passed over his countenance; 'thou forgettest what I am I I but I am forgetting myself; the Lord's

will be done; and now put away the things, for I perceive that our friends are coming to attend us to the place

Again the family which I had seen the night before descended the hill from their abode. They were now

dressed in their Sunday's best. The master of the house led the way. They presently joined us, when a quiet

sober greeting ensued on each side. After a little time Peter shook me by the hand and bade me farewell till

the evening; Winifred did the same, adding that she hoped I should be visited by sweet and holy thoughts.

The whole party then moved off in the direction by which we had come the preceding night, Peter and the

master leading the way, followed by Winifred and the mistress of the family. As I gazed on their departing

forms, I felt almost inclined to follow them to their place of worship. I did not stir, however, but remained

And after a time I sat me down at the foot of the oak with my face turned towards the water, and, folding my

hands, I fell into deep meditation. I thought on the early Sabbaths of my life, and the manner in which I was

wont to pass them. How carefully I said my prayers when I got up on the Sabbath morn, and how carefully I

combed my hair and brushed my clothes in order that I might do credit to the Sabbath day. I thought of the

old church at pretty D, the dignified rector, and yet more dignified clerk. I though of England's grand

Liturgy, and Tate and Brady's sonorous minstrelsy. I thought of the Holy Book, portions of which I was in the

habit of reading between service. I thought, too, of the evening walk which I sometimes took in fine weather

like the present, with my mother and brother a quiet sober walk, during which I would not break into a run,

even to chase a butterfly, or yet more a honeybee, being fully convinced of the dread importance of the day

which God had hallowed. And how glad I was when I had got over the Sabbath day without having done

anything to profane it. And how soundly I slept on the Sabbath night after the toil of being very good

And when I had mused on those times a long while, I sighed and said to myself, I am much altered since

then; am I altered for the better? And then I looked at my hands and my apparel, and sighed again. I was not

For a long time I continued in a state of deep meditation, till at last I lifted up my eyes to the sun, which, as

usual during that glorious summer, was shining in unclouded majesty; and then I lowered them to the

sparkling water, in which hundreds of the finny brood were disporting themselves, and then I thought what a

fine thing it was to be a fish on such a fine summer day, and I wished myself a fish, or at least amongst the

fishes; and then I looked at my hands again, and then, bending over the water, I looked at my face in the

Forthwith I started up, and said to myself, I should like to bathe and cleanse myself from the squalor

produced by my late hard life and by Mrs. Herne's drow. I wonder if there is any harm in bathing on the

Sabbath day. I will ask Winifred when she comes home; in the meantime I will bathe, provided I can find a

But the brook, though a very delightful place for fish to disport in, was shallow, and by no means adapted for

the recreation of so large a being as myself; it was, moreover, exposed, though I saw nobody at hand, nor

heard a single human voice or sound. Following the winding of the brook, I left the meadow, and, passing

through two or three thickets, came to a place where between lofty banks the water ran deep and dark, and

there I bathed, imbibing new tone and vigour into my languid and exhausted frame.

Having put on my clothes, I returned by the way I had come to my vehicle beneath the oak tree. From thence,

for want of something better to do, I strolled up the hill, on the top of which stood the farmhouse; it was a

large and commodious building built principally of stone, and seeming of some antiquity, with a porch, on

either side of which was an oaken bench. On the right was seated a young woman with a book in her hand,

'Goodday,' said the girl, looking at me for a moment, and then fixing her eyes on her book.

The girl looked at me with surprise. 'How do you know what book it is?' said she.

'How do I know never mind; but a nice book it is no love, no fortunetelling in it.'

The girl looked at me half offended. 'Fortunetelling!' said she, 'I should think not. But you know nothing

'I tell you what, young person,' said I, 'I know all about that book; what will you wager that I do not?'

The girl half started. 'I should never have thought,' said she, half timidly, 'that you could have guessed it.'

'I did not guess it,' said I, 'I knew it; and meet and proper it is that you should read it.'

'Can the daughter of the dairy read a more fitting book than the DAIRYMAN'S DAUGHTER?'

'Out of the water,' said I. 'Don't start, I have been bathing; are you fond of the water?'

'No,' said the girl, heaving a sigh; 'I am not fond of the water, that is, of the sea'; and here she sighed again.

'The master's niece!' said the girl. 'How came you to know it? But why did you not go with the rest and with

'They found me ill by the way,' said I; 'and they relieved me: I know nothing about them.'

'There are two or three things which I do not know, and this is one of them. Who are they?'

'Well,' said the girl, 'this is he, and Winifred is his wife, and a nice person she is. Some people say, indeed,

that she is as good a preacher as her husband, though of that matter I can say nothing, having never heard her

preach. So these two wander over all Wales and the greater part of England, comforting the hearts of the

people with their doctrine, and doing all the good they can. They frequently come here, for the mistress is a

Welsh woman, and an old friend of both, and then they take up their abode in the cart beneath the old oaks

'And what is their reason for doing so?' said I; 'would it not be more comfortable to sleep beneath a roof?'

'I know not their reasons,' said the girl, 'but so it is; they never sleep beneath a roof unless the weather is very

severe. I once heard the mistress say that Peter had something heavy upon his mind; perhaps that is the cause.

If he is unhappy, all I can say is, that I wish him otherwise, for he is a good man and a kind '

'Not exactly; but you seem to know everything; you mentioned, I think, fortunetelling.'

'By no means; but I have a friend at a distance at sea, and I should wish to know '

'When he will come back? I have told you already there are two or three things which I do not know this is

another of them. However, I should not be surprised if he were to come back some of these days; I would if I

were in his place. In the meantime be patient, attend to the dairy, and read the DAIRYMAN'S DAUGHTER

It was late in the evening when the party of the morning returned. The farmer and his family repaired at once

to their abode, and my two friends joined me beneath the tree. Peter sat down at the foot of the oak, and said

nothing. Supper was brought by a servant, not the damsel of the porch. We sat round the tray, Peter said

grace, but scarcely anything else; he appeared sad and dejected, his wife looked anxiously upon him. I was as

silent as my friends; after a little time we retired to our separate places of rest.

About midnight I was awakened by a noise; I started up and listened; it appeared to me that I heard voices

and groans. In a moment I had issued from my tent all was silent but the next moment I again heard

groans and voices; they proceeded from the tilted cart where Peter and his wife lay; I drew near, again there

was a pause, and then I heard the voice of Peter, in an accent of extreme anguish, exclaim, 'Pechod Ysprydd

Glan O pechod Ysprydd Glan!' and then he uttered a deep groan. Anon, I heard the voice of Winifred, and

never shall I forget the sweetness and gentleness of the tones of her voice in the stillness of that night. I did

not understand all she said she spoke in her native language, and I was some way apart; she appeared to

endeavour to console her husband, but he seemed to refuse all comfort, and, with many groans, repeated

'Pechod Ysprydd Glan O pechod Ysprydd Glan!' I felt I had no right to pry into their afflictions, and

The following day Pride Thriving trade Tylwyth Teg Ellis Wyn Sleeping hard Incalculable good

PETER and his wife did not proceed on any expedition during the following day. The former strolled

gloomily about the fields, and the latter passed many hours in the farmhouse. Towards evening, without

saying a word to either, I departed with my vehicle, and finding my way to a small town at some distance, I

laid in a store of various articles, with which I returned. It was night, and my two friends were seated beneath

the oak; they had just completed their frugal supper. 'We waited for thee some time,' said Winifred, 'but,

finding that thou didst not come, we began without thee; but sit down, I pray thee, there is still enough for

thee.' 'I will sit down,' said I, 'but I require no supper, for I have eaten where I have been': nothing more

particular occurred at the time. Next morning the kind pair invited me to share their breakfast. 'I will not

share your breakfast,' said I. 'Wherefore not?' said Winifred, anxiously. 'Because,' said I, 'it is not proper that I

be beholden to you for meat and drink.' 'But we are beholden to other people,' said Winifred. 'Yes,' said I, 'but

you preach to them, and give them ghostly advice, which considerably alters the matter; not that I would

receive anything from them, if I preached to them six times a day.' 'Thou art not fond of receiving favours,

then, young man,' said Winifred. 'I am not,' said I. 'And of conferring favours?' 'Nothing affords me greater

pleasure,' said I, 'than to confer favours.' 'What a disposition,' said Winifred, holding up her hands; 'and this is

pride, genuine pride that feeling which the world agrees to call so noble. Oh, how mean a thing is pride!

'But how wilt thou live, friend,' said Peter; 'dost thou not intend to eat?' 'When I went out last night,' said I, 'I

laid in a provision.' 'Thou hast laid in a provision!' said Peter, 'pray let us see it. Really, friend,' said he, after I

had produced it, 'thou must drive a thriving trade; here are provisions enough to last three people for several

days. Here are butter and eggs, here is tea, here is sugar, and there is a flitch. I hope thou wilt let us partake of

some of thy fare.' 'I should be very happy if you would,' said I. 'Doubt not but we shall,' said Peter; 'Winifred

shall have some of thy flitch cooked for dinner. In the meantime, sit down, young man, and breakfast at our

On the evening of that day, Peter and myself sat alone beneath the oak. We fell into conversation; Peter was

at first melancholy, but he soon became more cheerful, fluent, and entertaining. I spoke but little; but I

observed that sometimes what I said surprised the good Methodist. We had been silent some time. At length,

lifting up my eyes to the broad and leafy canopy of the trees, I said, having nothing better to remark, 'What a

'Fairies!' said Peter, 'fairies! how came you, young man, to know anything about the fair family?'

'I am an Englishman,' said I, 'and of course know something about fairies; England was once a famous place

'Was once, I grant you,' said Peter, 'but is so no longer. I have travelled for years about England, and never

heard them mentioned before; the belief in them has died away, and even their name seems to be forgotten. If

you had said you were a Welshman, I should not have been surprised. The Welsh have much to say of the

'I scarcely know what to say. Wise and good men have been of opinion that they are nothing but devils, who,

under the form of pretty and amiable spirits, would fain allure poor human beings; I see nothing irrational in

'Do I believe in devils, young man?' said Peter, and his frame was shaken as if by convulsions. 'If I do not

'You know best,' said I; 'but I don't believe that fairies are devils, and I don't wish to hear them insulted. What

'Many have said it, young man, and, amongst others, Master Ellis Wyn, in that wonderful book of his, the

'The BARDD CWSG,' said I; 'what kind of book is that? I have never heard of that book before.'

'Heard of it before; I suppose not; how should you have heard of it before? By the bye, can you read?'

'Very tolerably,' said I; 'so there are fairies in this book. What do you call it the BARDD CWSG?'

'Yes, the BARDD CWSG. You pronounce Welsh very fairly; have you ever been in Wales?'

'Not been in Wales; then, of course, you don't understand Welsh; but we were talking of the BARDD CWSG

yes, there are fairies in the BARDD CWSG, the author of it, Master Ellis Wyn, was carried away in his

sleep by them over mountains and valleys, rivers and great waters, incurring mighty perils at their hands, till

he was rescued from them by an angel of the Most High, who subsequently showed him many wonderful

'I see, young man,' said Peter, smiling, 'that you are not without curiosity; but I can easily pardon any one for

being curious about the wonders contained in the book of Master Ellis Wyn. The angel showed him the

course of this world, its pomps and vanities, its cruelty and its pride, its crimes and deceits. On another

occasion, the angel showed him Death in his nether palace, surrounded by his grisly ministers, and by those

who are continually falling victims to his power. And, on a third occasion, the state of the condemned in their

'Yes,' said Peter, 'in his sleep; and on that account the book is called GWELEDIGAETHAU Y BARDD

'I do not care for wonders which occur in sleep,' said I. 'I prefer real ones; and perhaps, notwithstanding what

'They are substantially true, young man,' said Peter; 'like the dreams of Bunyan, they are founded on three

tremendous facts, Sin, Death, and Hell; and like his they have done incalculable good, at least in my own

country, in the language of which they are written. Many a guilty conscience has the BARDD CWSG aroused

with its dreadful sights, its strong sighs, its puffs of smoke from the pit, and its showers of sparks from the

mouth of the yet lower gulf of Unknown were it not for the BARDD CWSG perhaps I might not be here.'

'I would sooner hear your own tale,' said I, 'than all the visions of the BARDD CWSG.'

Peter shook, bent his form nearly double, and covered his face with his hands. I sat still and motionless, with

my eyes fixed upon him. Presently Winifred descended the hill, and joined us. 'What is the matter?' said she,

looking at her husband, who still remained in the posture I have described. He made no answer; whereupon,

laying her hand gently on his shoulder, she said, in the peculiar soft and tender tone which I had heard her use

on a former occasion, 'Take comfort, Peter; what has happened now to afflict thee?' Peter removed his hand

from his face. 'The old pain, the old pain,' said he; 'I was talking with this young man, and he would fain

know what brought me here, he would fain hear my tale, Winifred my sin: O pechod Ysprydd Glan! O

pechod Ysprydd Glan!' and the poor man fell into a more fearful agony than before. Tears trickled down

Winifred's face, I saw them trickling by the moonlight, as she gazed upon the writhing form of her afflicted

husband. I arose from my seat. 'I am the cause of all this,' said I, 'by my folly and imprudence, and it is thus I

have returned your kindness and hospitality; I will depart from you and wander my way.' I was retiring, but

Peter sprang up and detained me. 'Go not,' said he, 'you were not in fault; if there be any fault in the case it

was mine; if I suffer, I am but paying the penalty of my own iniquity'; he then paused, and appeared to be

considering: at length he said, 'Many things which thou hast seen and heard connected with me require

explanation; thou wishest to know my tale, I will tell it thee, but not now, not tonight; I am too much

Two evenings later, when we were again seated beneath the oak, Peter took the hand of his wife in his own,

and then, in tones broken and almost inarticulate, commenced telling me his tale the tale of the Pechod

Taking a cup Getting to heaven After breakfast Wooden gallery Mechanical habit Reserved and

gloomy Last words A long time From the clouds Ray of hope Momentary chill Pleasing

'I WAS born in the heart of North Wales, the son of a respectable farmer, and am the youngest of seven

'My father was a member of the Church of England, and was what is generally called a serious man. He went

to church regularly, and read the Bible every Sunday evening; in his moments of leisure he was fond of

'One autumn afternoon, on a week day, my father sat with one of his neighbours taking a cup of ale by the

oak table in our stone kitchen. I sat near them, and listened to their discourse. I was at that time seven years of

age. They were talking of religious matters. "It is a hard matter to get to heaven," said my father.

"Exceedingly so," said the other. "However, I don't despond; none need despair of getting to heaven, save

'"Ah!" said my father, "thank God I never committed that how awful must be the state of a person who has

committed the sin against the Holy Ghost. I can scarcely think of it without my hair standing on end"; and

then my father and his friend began talking of the nature of the sin against the Holy Ghost, and I heard them

'I lay awake the greater part of the night musing upon what I had heard. I kept wondering to myself what

must be the state of a person who had committed the sin against the Holy Ghost, and how he must feel. Once

or twice I felt a strong inclination to commit it, a strange kind of fear, however, prevented me; at last I

'When I awoke in the morning the first thing I thought of was the mysterious sin, and a voice within me

seemed to say, "Commit it"; and I felt a strong temptation to do so, even stronger than in the night. I was just

about to yield, when the same dread, of which I have already spoken, came over me, and, springing out of

bed, I went down on my knees. I slept in a small room alone, to which I ascended by a wooden stair, open to

the sky. I have often thought since that it is not a good thing for children to sleep alone.

'After breakfast I went to school, and endeavoured to employ myself upon my tasks, but all in vain; I could

think of nothing but the sin against the Holy Ghost; my eyes, instead of being fixed upon my book, wandered

in vacancy. My master observed my inattention, and chid me. The time came for saying my task, and I had

not acquired it. My master reproached me, and, yet more, he beat me; I felt shame and anger, and I went

'But when I got home my father ordered me to do something connected with the farm, so that I was

compelled to exert myself; I was occupied till night, and was so busy that I almost forgot the sin and my late

resolution. My work completed, I took my supper, and went to my room; I began my prayers, and, when they

were ended, I thought of the sin, but the temptation was slight, I felt very tired, and was presently asleep.

'Thus, you see, I had plenty of time allotted me by a gracious and kind God to reflect on what I was about to

do. He did not permit the enemy of souls to take me by surprise, and to hurry me at once into the commission

of that which was to be my ruin here and hereafter. Whatever I did was of my own free will, after I had had

time to reflect. Thus God is justified; He had no hand in my destruction, but, on the contrary, He did all that

was compatible with justice to prevent it. I hasten to the fatal moment. Awaking in the night, I determined

that nothing should prevent my committing the sin. Arising from my bed, I went out upon the wooden

gallery; and having stood for a few moments looking at the stars, with which the heavens were thickly

strewn, I laid myself down, and supporting my face with my hand, I murmured out words of horror, words

not to be repeated, and in this manner I committed the sin against the Holy Ghost.

'When the words were uttered I sat up upon the topmost step of the gallery; for some time I felt stunned in

somewhat the same manner as I once subsequently felt after being stung by an adder. I soon arose, however,

and retired to my bed, where, notwithstanding what I had done, I was not slow in falling asleep.

'I awoke several times during the night, each time with the dim idea that something strange and monstrous

had occurred, but I presently fell asleep again; in the morning I awoke with the same vague feeling, but

presently recollection returned, and I remembered that I had committed the sin against the Holy Ghost. I lay

musing for some time on what I had done, and I felt rather stunned, as before; at last I arose and got out of

bed, dressed myself, and then went down on my knees, and was about to pray from the force of mechanical

habit; before I said a word, however, I recollected myself, and got up again. What was the use of praying? I

'I went to school, but sat stupefied. I was again chidden, again beaten, by my master. I felt no anger this time,

and scarcely heeded the strokes. I looked, however, at my master's face, and thought to myself, you are

beating me for being idle, as you suppose; poor man, what would you do if you knew I had committed the sin

'Days and weeks passed by. I had once been cheerful, and fond of the society of children of my own age; but

I was now reserved and gloomy. It seemed to me that a gulf separated me from all my fellowcreatures. I

used to look at my brothers and schoolfellows, and think how different I was from them; they had not done

what I had. I seemed, in my own eyes, a lone monstrous being, and yet, strange to say, I felt a kind of pride in

being so. I was unhappy, but I frequently thought to myself, I have done what no one else would dare to do;

there was something grand in the idea; I had yet to learn the horror of my condition.

'Time passed on, and I began to think less of what I had done; I began once more to take pleasure in my

childish sports; I was active, and excelled at football and the like all the lads of my age. I likewise began,

what I had never done before, to take pleasure in the exercises of the school. I made great progress in Welsh

and English grammar, and learnt to construe Latin. My master no longer chid or beat me, but one day told my

'Shortly after this my father fell sick; the progress of the disorder was rapid; feeling his end approaching, he

called his children before him. After tenderly embracing us, he said "God bless you, my children, I am going

'As he uttered these last words, horror took entire possession of me. Meet my father in heaven, how could I

ever hope to meet him there? I looked wildly at my brethren and at my mother; they were all bathed in tears,

but how I envied them. They might hope to meet my father in heaven, but how different were they from me,

'In a few days my father died; he left his family in comfortable circumstances, at least such as would be

considered so in Wales, where the wants of the people are few. My elder brother carried on the farm for the

benefit of my mother and us all. In course of time my brothers were put out to various trades. I still remained

at school, but without being a source of expense to my relations, as I was by this time able to assist my master

'I was diligent both in selfimprovement and in the instruction of others; nevertheless, a horrible weight

pressed upon my breast; I knew I was a lost being; that for me there was no hope; that, though all others

might be saved, I must of necessity be lost; I had committed the unpardonable sin, for which I was doomed to

eternal punishment, in the flaming gulf, as soon as life was over! and how long could I hope to live?

perhaps fifty years; at the end of which I must go to my place; and then I would count the months and the

days, nay, even the hours, which yet intervened between me and my doom. Sometimes I would comfort

myself with the idea that a long time would elapse before my time would be out; but then again I thought

that, however long the term might be, it must be out at last; and then I would fall into an agony, during which

I would almost wish that the term were out, and that I were in my place; the horrors of which I thought could

'There was one thought about this time which caused me unutterable grief and shame, perhaps more shame

than grief. It was that my father, who was gone to heaven, and was there daily holding communion with his

God, was by this time aware of my crime. I imagined him looking down from the clouds upon his wretched

son, with a countenance of inexpressible horror. When this idea was upon me, I would often rush to some

secret place to hide myself; to some thicket, where I would cast myself on the ground, and thrust my head

into a thick bush, in order to escape from the horror struck glance of my father above in the clouds; and

there I would continue groaning till the agony had, in some degree, passed away.

'The wretchedness of my state increasing daily, it at last became apparent to the master of the school, who

questioned me earnestly and affectionately. I, however, gave him no satisfactory answer, being apprehensive

that, if I unbosomed myself, I should become as much an object of horror to him as I had long been to myself.

At length he suspected that I was unsettled in my intellects; and, fearing probably the ill effect of my

presence upon his scholars, he advised me to go home; which I was glad to do, as I felt myself every day

'So I returned home to my mother and my brother, who received me with the greatest kindness and affection.

I now determined to devote myself to husbandry, and assist my brother in the business of the farm. I was still,

however, very much distressed. One fine morning, however, as I was at work in the field, and the birds were

carolling around me, a ray of hope began to break upon my poor dark soul. I looked at the earth and looked at

the sky, and felt as I had not done for many a year; presently a delicious feeling stole over me. I was

beginning to enjoy existence. I shall never forget that hour. I flung myself on the soil, and kissed it; then,

springing up with a sudden impulse, I rushed into the depths of a neighbouring wood, and, falling upon my

'A change, an entire change, seemed to have come over me. I was no longer gloomy and despairing, but gay

and happy. My slumbers were light and easy; not disturbed, as before, by frightful dreams. I arose with the

lark, and like him uttered a cheerful song of praise to God, frequently and earnestly, and was particularly

'At church I was constant, and when there listened with deepest attention to every word which proceeded

from the mouth of the minister. In a little time it appeared to me that I had become a good, very good, young

man. At times the recollection of the sin would return, and I would feel a momentary chill; but the thought

'One Sunday morning, after I had said my prayers, I felt particularly joyous. I thought of the innocent and

virtuous life I was leading; and when the recollection of the sin intruded for a moment, said, "I am sure God

will never utterly cast away so good a creature as myself." I went to church, and was as usual attentive. The

subject of the sermon was on the duty of searching the Scriptures: all I knew of them was from the liturgy. I

now, however, determined to read them, and perfect the good work which I had begun. My father's Bible was

upon the shelf, and on that evening I took it with me to my chamber. I placed it on the table, and sat down.

My heart was filled with pleasing anticipation. I opened the book at random, and began to read; the first

'"He who committeth the sin against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven, either in this world or the next."'

Here Peter was seized with convulsive tremors. Winifred sobbed violently. I got up, and went away.

Returning in about a quarter of an hour, I found him more calm; he motioned me to sit down; and, after a

Hasty farewell Lofty rock Wrestlings of Jacob No rest Ways of Providence Two females Foot of

the Cross Enemy of souls Perplexed Lucky hour Valetudinarian Methodists Fervent in prayer

'WHERE was I, young man? Oh, I remember, at the fatal passage which removed all hope. I will not dwell on

what I felt. I closed my eyes, and wished that I might be dreaming; but it was no dream, but a terrific reality: I

will not dwell on that period, I should only shock you. I could not bear my feelings; so, bidding my friends a

hasty farewell, I abandoned myself to horror and despair, and ran wild through Wales, climbing mountains

'Climbing mountains and wading streams, I ran wild about, I was burnt by the sun, drenched by the rain, and

had frequently at night no other covering than the sky, or the humid roof of some cave; but nothing seemed to

affect my constitution; probably the fire which burned within me counteracted what I suffered from without.

During the space of three years I scarcely knew what befell me; my life was a dream a wild, horrible

dream; more than once I believe I was in the hands of robbers, and once in the hands of gypsies. I liked the

last description of people least of all; I could not abide their yellow faces, or their ceaseless clabber. Escaping

from these beings, whose countenances and godless discourse brought to my mind the demons of the deep

Unknown, I still ran wild through Wales, I know not how long. On one occasion, coming in some degree to

my recollection, I felt myself quite unable to bear the horrors of my situation; looking round I found myself

near the sea; instantly the idea came into my head that I would cast myself into it, and thus anticipate my final

doom. I hesitated a moment, but a voice within me seemed to tell me that I could do no better; the sea was

near, and I could not swim, so I determined to fling myself into the sea. As I was running along at great

speed, in the direction of a lofty rock, which beetled over the waters, I suddenly felt myself seized by the

coat. I strove to tear myself away, but in vain; looking round, I perceived a venerable hale old man, who had

hold of me. "Let me go!" said I, fiercely. "I will not let thee go," said the old man, and now, instead of with

one, he grappled me with both hands. "In whose name dost thou detain me?" said I, scarcely knowing what I

said. "In the name of my Master, who made thee and yonder sea; and has said to the sea, So far shalt thou

come, and no farther, and to thee, Thou shalt do no murder." "Has not a man a right to do what he pleases

with his own?" said I. "He has," said the old man, "but thy life is not thy own; thou art accountable for it to

thy God. Nay, I will not let thee go," he continued, as I again struggled; "if thou struggle with me the whole

day I will not let thee go, as Charles Wesley says, in his 'Wrestlings of Jacob'; and see, it is of no use

struggling, for I am, in the strength of my Master, stronger than thou"; and indeed, all of a sudden I had

become very weak and exhausted; whereupon the old man, beholding my situation, took me by the arm and

led me gently to a neighbouring town, which stood behind a hill, and which I had not before observed;

presently he opened the door of a respectablelooking house, which stood beside a large building having the

appearance of a chapel, and conducted me into a small room, with a great many books in it. Having caused

me to sit down, he stood looking at me for some time, occasionally heaving a sigh. I was, indeed, haggard

and forlorn. "Who art thou?" he said at last. "A miserable man," I replied. "What makes thee miserable?" said

the old man. "A hideous crime," I replied. "I can find no rest; like Cain I wander here and there." The old man

turned pale. "Hast thou taken another's life?" said he; "if so, I advise thee to surrender thyself to the

magistrate; thou canst do no better; thy doing so will be the best proof of thy repentance; and though there be

no hope for thee in this world there may be much in the next." "No," said I, "I have never taken another's

life." "What then, another's goods? If so, restore them sevenfold, if possible: or, if it be not in thy power, and

thy conscience accuse thee, surrender thyself to the magistrate, and make the only satisfaction thou art able."

"I have taken no one's goods," said I. "Of what art thou guilty, then?" said he. "Art thou a drunkard? a

profligate?" "Alas, no," said I; "I am neither of these; would that I were no worse."

'Thereupon the old man looked steadfastly at me for some time; then, after appearing to reflect, he said,

"Young man, I have a great desire to know your name." "What matters it to you what is my name?" said I;

"you know nothing of me." "Perhaps you are mistaken," said the old man, looking kindly at me; "but at all

events tell me your name." I hesitated a moment, and then told him who I was, whereupon he exclaimed with

much emotion, "I thought so; how wonderful are the ways of Providence. I have heard of thee, young man,

and know thy mother well. Only a month ago, when upon a journey, I experienced much kindness from her.

She was speaking to me of her lost child, with tears; she told me that you were one of the best of sons, but

that some strange idea appeared to have occupied your mind. Despair not, my son. If thou hast been afflicted,

I doubt not but that thy affliction will eventually turn out to thy benefit; I doubt not but that thou wilt be

preserved, as an example of the great mercy of God. I will now kneel down and pray for thee, my son."

'He knelt down, and prayed long and fervently. I remained standing for some time; at length I knelt down

likewise. I scarcely knew what he was saying, but when he concluded I said "Amen."

'And when we had risen from our knees, the old man left me for a short time, and on his return led me into

another room, where were two females; one was an elderly person, the wife of the old man, the other was a

young woman of very prepossessing appearance (hang not down thy head, Winifred), who I soon found was a

distant relation of the old man, both received me with great kindness, the old man having doubtless

'I stayed several days in the good man's house. I had still the greater portion of a small sum which I happened

to have about me when I departed on my dolorous wandering, and with this I purchased clothes, and altered

my appearance considerably. On the evening of the second day my friend said, "I am going to preach,

perhaps you will come and hear me." I consented, and we all went, not to a church, but to the large building

next the house; for the old man, though a clergyman, was not of the established persuasion, and there the old

man mounted a pulpit, and began to preach. "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden," etc. etc.,

was his text. His sermon was long, but I still bear the greater portion of it in my mind.

'The substance of it was that Jesus was at all times ready to take upon Himself the burden of our sins,

provided we came to Him with a humble and contrite spirit, and begged His help. This doctrine was new to

me; I had often been at church, but had never heard it preached before, at least so distinctly. When he said

that all men might be saved, I shook, for I expected he would add, all except those who had committed the

mysterious sin; but no, all men were to be saved who with a humble and contrite spirit would come to Jesus,

cast themselves at the foot of His cross, and accept pardon through the merits of His bloodshedding alone.

"Therefore, my friends," said he, in conclusion, "despair not however guilty you may be, despair not

however desperate your condition may seem," said he, fixing his eyes upon me, "despair not. There is nothing

more foolish and more wicked than despair; overweening confidence is not more foolish than despair; both

'This discourse gave rise in my mind to no slight perplexity. I had read in the Scriptures that he who

committeth a certain sin shall never be forgiven, and that there is no hope for him either in this world or the

next. And here was a man, a good man certainly, and one who, of necessity, was thoroughly acquainted with

the Scriptures, who told me that any one might be forgiven, however wicked, who would only trust in Christ

and in the merits of His bloodshedding. Did I believe in Christ? Ay, truly. Was I willing to be saved by

Christ? Ay, truly. Did I trust in Christ? I trusted that Christ would save every one but myself. And why not

myself? simply because the Scriptures had told me that he who has committed the sin against the Holy Ghost

can never be saved, and I had committed the sin against the Holy Ghost, perhaps the only one who ever had

committed it. How could I hope? The Scriptures could not lie, and yet here was this good old man,

profoundly versed in the Scriptures, who bade me hope; would he lie? No. But did the old man know my

case? Ah, no, he did not know my case! but yet he had bid me hope, whatever I had done, provided I would

go to Jesus. But how could I think of going to Jesus, when the Scriptures told me plainly that all would be

useless? I was perplexed, and yet a ray of hope began to dawn in my soul. I thought of consulting the good

man, but I was afraid he would drive away the small glimmer. I was afraid he would say, "Oh yes, every one

is to be saved, except a wretch like you; I was not aware before that there was anything so horrible,

begone!" Once or twice the old man questioned me on the subject of my misery, but I evaded him; once,

indeed, when he looked particularly benevolent, I think I should have unbosomed myself to him, but we were

interrupted. He never pressed me much; perhaps he was delicate in probing my mind, as we were then of

different persuasions. Hence he advised me to seek the advice of some powerful minister in my own church;

'I stayed several days in the family, during which time I more than once heard my venerable friend preach;

each time he preached, he exhorted his hearers not to despair. The whole family were kind to me; his wife

frequently discoursed with me, and also the young person to whom I have already alluded. It appeared to me

'At last my friend said to me, "It is now time thou shouldest return to thy mother and thy brother." So I arose,

and departed to my mother and my brother; and at my departure my old friend gave me his blessing, and his

wife and the young person shed tears, the last especially. And when my mother saw me, she shed tears, and

fell on my neck and kissed me, and my brother took me by the hand and bade me welcome; and when our

first emotions were subsided, my mother said, "I trust thou art come in a lucky hour. A few weeks ago my

cousin (whose favourite thou always wast) died and left thee his heir left thee the goodly farm in which he

lived. I trust, my son, that thou wilt now settle, and be a comfort to me in my old days." And I answered, "I

will, if so please the Lord"; and I said to myself, "God grant that this bequest be a token of the Lord's favour."

'And in a few days I departed to take possession of my farm; it was about twenty miles from my mother's

house, in a beautiful but rather wild district; I arrived at the fall of the leaf. All day long I busied myself with

my farm, and thus kept my mind employed. At night, however, I felt rather solitary, and I frequently wished

for a companion. Each night and morning I prayed fervently unto the Lord; for His hand had been very heavy

'There was one thing connected with my new abode which gave me considerable uneasiness the want of

spiritual instruction. There was a church, indeed, close at hand, in which service was occasionally performed,

but in so hurried and heartless a manner that I derived little benefit from it. The clergyman to whom the

benefice belonged was a valetudinarian, who passed his time in London, or at some wateringplace,

entrusting the care of his flock to the curate of a distant parish, who gave himself very little trouble about the

matter. Now I wanted every Sunday to hear from the pulpit words of consolation and encouragement, similar

to those which I had heard uttered from the pulpit by my good and venerable friend, but I was debarred from

this privilege. At length, one day being in conversation with one of my labourers, a staid and serious man, I

spoke to him of the matter which lay heavy upon my mind; whereupon, looking me wistfully in the face, he

said, "Master, the want of religious instruction in my church was what drove me to the Methodists." "The

Methodists," said I, "are there any in these parts?" "There is a chapel," said he, "only half a mile distant, at

which there are two services every Sunday, and other two during the week." Now it happened that my

venerable friend was of the Methodist persuasion, and when I heard the poor man talk in this manner, I said

to him, "May I go with you next Sunday?" "Why not?" said he; so I went with the labourer on the ensuing

'I liked the preaching which I heard at the chapel very well, though it was not quite so comfortable as that of

my old friend, the preacher being in some respects a different kind of man. It, however, did me good, and I

went again, and continued to do so, though I did not become a regular member of the body at that time.

'I had now the benefit of religious instruction, and also to a certain extent of religious fellowship, for the

preacher and various members of his flock frequently came to see me. They were honest plain men, not

exactly of the description which I wished for, but still good sort of people, and I was glad to see them. Once

on a time, when some of them were with me, one of them inquired whether I was fervent in prayer. "Very

fervent," said I. "And do you read the Scriptures often?" said he. "No," said I. "Why not?" said he. "Because I

am afraid to see there my own condemnation." They looked at each other, and said nothing at the time. On

leaving me, however, they all advised me to read the Scriptures with fervency and prayer.

'As I had told these honest people, I shrank from searching the Scriptures; the remembrance of the fatal

passage was still too vivid in my mind to permit me. I did not wish to see my condemnation repeated, but I

was very fervent in prayer, and almost hoped that God would yet forgive me by virtue of the bloodshedding

of the Lamb. Time passed on, my affairs prospered, and I enjoyed a certain portion of tranquillity.

Occasionally, when I had nothing else to do, I renewed my studies. Many is the book I read, especially in my

native language, for I was always fond of my native language, and proud of being a Welshman. Amongst the

books I read were the odes of the great Ab Gwilym, whom thou, friend, hast never heard of; no, nor any of

thy countrymen, for you are an ignorant race, you Saxons, at least with respect to all that relates to Wales and

Welshmen. I likewise read the book of Master Ellis Wyn. The latter work possessed a singular fascination for

me, on account of its wonderful delineations of the torments of the nether world.

'But man does not love to be alone; indeed, the Scripture says that it is not good for man to be alone. I

occupied my body with the pursuits of husbandry, and I improved my mind with the perusal of good and wise

books; but, as I have already said, I frequently sighed for a companion with whom I could exchange ideas,

and who could take an interest in my pursuits; the want of such a one I more particularly felt in the long

winter evenings. It was then that the image of the young person whom I had seen in the house of the preacher

frequently rose up distinctly before my mind's eye, decked with quiet graces hang not down your head,

Winifred and I thought that of all the women in the world I should wish her to be my partner, and then I

considered whether it would be possible to obtain her. I am ready to acknowledge, friend, that it was both

selfish and wicked in me to wish to fetter any human being to a lost creature like myself, conscious of having

committed a crime for which the Scriptures told me there is no pardon. I had, indeed, a long struggle as to

whether I should make the attempt or not selfishness however prevailed. I will not detain your attention

with relating all that occurred at this period suffice it to say that I made my suit and was successful; it is

true that the old man, who was her guardian, hesitated, and asked several questions respecting my state of

mind. I am afraid that I partly deceived him, perhaps he partly deceived himself; he was pleased that I had

adopted his profession we are all weak creatures. With respect to the young person, she did not ask many

questions; and I soon found that I had won her heart. To be brief, I married her; and here she is, the truest

wife that ever man had, and the kindest. Kind I may well call her, seeing that she shrinks not from me, who

so cruelly deceived her, in not telling her at first what I was. I married her, friend; and brought her home to

my little possession, where we passed our time very agreeably. Our affairs prospered, our garners were full,

and there was coin in our purse. I worked in the field; Winifred busied herself with the dairy. At night I

frequently read books to her, books of my own country, friend; I likewise read to her songs of my own, holy

songs and carols which she admired, and which yourself would perhaps admire, could you understand them;

but I repeat, you Saxons are an ignorant people with respect to us, and a perverse, inasmuch as you despise

Welsh without understanding it. Every night I prayed fervently, and my wife admired my gift of prayer.

'One night, after I had been reading to my wife a portion of Ellis Wyn, my wife said, "This is a wonderful

book, and containing much true and pleasant doctrine; but how is it that you, who are so fond of good books,

and good things in general, never read the Bible? You read me the book of Master Ellis Wyn, you read me

sweet songs of your own composition, you edify me with your gift of prayer, but yet you never read the

Bible." And when I heard her mention the Bible I shook, for I thought of my own condemnation. However, I

dearly loved my wife, and as she pressed me, I commenced on that very night reading the Bible. All went on

smoothly for a long time; for months and months I did not find the fatal passage, so that I almost thought that

I had imagined it. My affairs prospered much the while, so that I was almost happy, taking pleasure in

everything around me, in my wife, in my farm, my books and compositions, and the Welsh language; till

one night, as I was reading the Bible, feeling particularly comfortable, a thought having just come into my

head that I would print some of my compositions, and purchase a particular field of a neighbour O God

'Friend, friend, what shall I say? I rushed out. My wife followed me, asking me what was the matter. I could

only answer with groans for three days and three nights I did little else than groan. Oh the kindness and

solicitude of my wife! "What is the matter husband, dear husband?" she was continually saying. I became at

last more calm. My wife still persisted in asking me the cause of my late paroxysm. It is hard to keep a secret

from a wife, especially such a wife as mine, so I told my wife the tale, as we sat one night it was a

midwinter night over the dying brands of our hearth, after the family had retired to rest, her hand locked in

'I thought she would have shrunk from me with horror; but she did not; her hand, it is true, trembled once or

twice; but that was all. At last she gave mine a gentle pressure; and, looking up in my face, she said what

Getting late Seven years old Chastening Go forth London Bridge Same eyes Common occurrence

'AND so I still say,' said Winifred, sobbing. 'Let us retire to rest, dear husband; your fears are groundless. I

had hoped long since that your affliction would have passed away, and I still hope that it eventually will; so

'We are all wicked,' said Winifred; 'but you are afraid of a shadow. How often have I told you that the sin of

your heart is not the sin against the Holy Ghost: the sin of your heart is its natural pride, of which you are

scarcely aware, to keep down which God in His mercy permitted you to be terrified with the idea of having

'Then you will still maintain,' said Peter, 'that I never committed the sin against the Holy Spirit?'

'I will,' said Winifred; 'you never committed it. How should a child seven years old commit a sin like that?'

'Have I not read my own condemnation?' said Peter. 'Did not the first words which I read in the Holy

Scripture condemn me? "He who committeth the sin against the Holy Ghost shall never enter into the

'The words are true words,' said Winifred, sobbing; 'but they were not meant for you, but for those who have

broken their profession, who, having embraced the cross, have receded from their Master.'

'And what sayst thou to the effect which the words produced upon me?' said Peter. 'Did they not cause me to

run wild through Wales for years, like Merddin Wyllt of yore; thinkest thou that I opened the book at that

'No,' said Winifred, 'not by chance; it was the hand of God directed you, doubtless for some wise purpose.

You had become satisfied with yourself. The Lord wished to rouse thee from thy state of carnal security, and

'Does the Lord then carry out His designs by means of guile?' said Peter with a groan. 'Is not the Lord true?

Would the Lord impress upon me that I had committed a sin of which I am guiltless? Hush, Winifred! hush!

'Thou hast not committed it,' said Winifred, sobbing yet more violently. 'Were they my last words, I would

persist that thou hast not committed it, though, perhaps, thou wouldst, but for this chastening; it was not to

convince thee that thou hast committed the sin, but rather to prevent thee from committing it, that the Lord

brought that passage before thy eyes. He is not to blame, if thou art wilfully blind to the truth and wisdom of

'I see thou wouldst comfort me,' said Peter, 'as thou hast often before attempted to do. I would fain ask the

'My story is nearly told,' said Peter; 'a few words will complete it. My wife endeavoured to console and

reassure me, using the arguments which you have just heard her use, and many others, but in vain. Peace nor

comfort came to my breast. I was rapidly falling into the depths of despair; when one day Winifred said to

me, "I see thou wilt be lost, if we remain here. One resource only remains. Thou must go forth, my husband,

into the wide world, and to comfort thee I will go with thee." "And what can I do in the wide world?" said I,

despondingly. "Much," replied Winifred, "if you will but exert yourself; much good canst thou do with the

blessing of God." Many things of the same kind she said to me; and at last I arose from the earth to which

God had smitten me, and disposed of my property in the best way I could, and went into the world. We did

all the good we were able, visiting the sick, ministering to the sick, and praying with the sick. At last I

became celebrated as the possessor of a great gift of prayer. And people urged me to preach, and Winifred

urged me too, and at last I consented, and I preached. I I outcast Peter, became the preacher Peter

Williams. I, the lost one, attempted to show others the right road. And in this way I have gone on for thirteen

years, preaching and teaching, visiting the sick, and ministering to them, with Winifred by my side heartening

me on. Occasionally I am visited with fits of indescribable agony, generally on the night before the Sabbath;

for I then ask myself, how dare I, the outcast, attempt to preach the word of God? Young man, my tale is told;

'Yes,' said I, 'of London Bridge. I am indebted for much wisdom to London Bridge; it was there that I

completed my studies. But to the point. I was once reading on London Bridge a book which an ancient

gentlewoman, who kept the bridge, was in the habit of lending me; and there I found written, "Each one

carries in his breast the recollection of some sin which presses heavy upon him. Oh, if men could but look

'As much of a saint, I daresay,' said I, 'as most popish ones; but you interrupted me. One part of your narrative

brought the passage which I have quoted into my mind. You said that after you had committed this same sin

of yours you were in the habit, at school, of looking upon your schoolfellows with a kind of gloomy

superiority, considering yourself a lone monstrous being who had committed a sin far above the daring of any

of them. Are you sure that many others of your schoolfellows were not looking upon you and the others with

'Not they,' said I, 'they were, I daresay, thinking too much of themselves and of their own concerns to have

divined any secrets of yours. All I mean to say is, they had probably secrets of their own, and who knows that

the secret sin of more than one of them was not the very sin which caused you so much misery?'

'Dost thou then imagine,' said Peter, 'the sin against the Holy Ghost to be so common an occurrence?'

'As you have described it,' said I, 'of very common occurrence, especially amongst children, who are, indeed,

Peter was silent for some moments, and appeared to be reflecting; at last, suddenly raising his head, he looked

me full in the face, and, grasping my hand with vehemence, he said, 'Tell me, young man, only one thing,

'I am neither Papist nor Methodist,' said I, 'but of the Church, and, being so, confess myself to no one, but

keep my own counsel; I will tell thee, however, had I committed, at the same age, twenty such sins as that

which you committed, I should feel no uneasiness at these years but I am sleepy, and must go to rest.'

BEFORE I sank to rest I heard Winifred and her husband conversing in the place where I had left them; both

their voices were low and calm. I soon fell asleep, and slumbered for some time. On my awakening I again

heard them conversing, but they were now in their cart; still the voices of both were calm. I heard no

passionate bursts of wild despair on the part of the man. Methought I occasionally heard the word Pechod

proceeding from the lips of each, but with no particular emphasis. I supposed they were talking of the innate

'I wish that man were happy,' said I to myself, 'were it only for his wife's sake, and yet he deserves to be

The next day Peter was very cheerful, more cheerful than I had ever seen him. At breakfast his conversation

was animated, and he smiled repeatedly. I looked at him with the greatest interest, and the eyes of his wife

were almost constantly fixed upon him. A shade of gloom would occasionally come over his countenance,

but it almost instantly disappeared; perhaps it proceeded more from habit than anything else. After breakfast

he took his Welsh Bible and sat down beneath a tree. His eyes were soon fixed intently on the volume; now

and then he would call his wife, show her some passage, and appeared to consult with her. The day passed

'Your husband seems much better,' said I, at evening fall, to Winifred, as we chanced to be alone.

'He does,' said Winifred; 'and that on the day of the week when he was wont to appear most melancholy, for

tomorrow is the Sabbath. He now no longer looks forward to the Sabbath with dread, but appears to reckon

on it. What a happy change! and to think that this change should have been produced by a few words,

seemingly careless ones, proceeding from the mouth of one who is almost a stranger to him. Truly, it is

'To yourself, and to the words which came from your lips last night, after you had heard my poor husband's

history. Those strange words, drawn out with so much seeming indifference, have produced in my husband

the blessed effect which you have observed. They have altered the current of his ideas. He no longer thinks

himself the only being in the world doomed to destruction, the only being capable of committing the

nevertobeforgiven sin. Your supposition that that which harrowed his soul is of frequent occurrence

amongst children has tranquillised him; the mist which hung over his mind has cleared away, and he begins

to see the groundlessness of his apprehensions. The Lord has permitted him to be chastened for a season, but

Sunday came, fine and glorious as the last. Again my friends and myself breakfasted together again the

good family of the house on the hill above, headed by the respectable master, descended to the meadow. Peter

and his wife were ready to receive them. Again Peter placed himself at the side of the honest farmer, and

Winifred by the side of her friend. 'Wilt thou not come?' said Peter, looking towards me with a face in which

there was much emotion. 'Wilt thou not come?' said Winifred, with a face beaming with kindness. But I made

no answer, and presently the party moved away, in the same manner in which it had moved on the preceding

The hours of the Sabbath passed slowly away. I sat gazing at the sky, the trees, and the water. At last I

strolled up to the house and sat down in the porch. It was empty; there was no modest maiden there, as on the

preceding Sabbath. The damsel of the book had accompanied the rest. I had seen her in the procession, and

the house appeared quite deserted. The owners had probably left it to my custody, so I sat down in the porch,

At last evening came, and with it the party of the morning. I was now at my place beneath the oak. I went

forward to meet them. Peter and his wife received me with a calm and quiet greeting, and passed forward.

The rest of the party had broken into groups. There was a kind of excitement amongst them, and much eager

whispering. I went to one of the groups; the young girl of whom I have spoken more than once was speaking:

'Such a sermon,' said she, 'it has never been our lot to hear; Peter never before spoke as he has done this day

he was always a powerful preacher, but oh, the unction of the discourse of this morning, and yet more of that

of the afternoon, which was the continuation of it!' 'What was the subject?' said I, interrupting her. 'Ah! you

should have been there, young man, to have heard it; it would have made a lasting impression upon you. I

was bathed in tears all the time; those who heard it will never forget the preaching of the good Peter Williams

Deep interest Goodly country Two mansions Welshman's Candle Beautiful universe Godly

discourse Fine church Points of doctrine Strange adventures Paltry cause Roman pontiff Evil

ON the morrow I said to my friends, 'I am about to depart; farewell!' 'Depart!' said Peter and his wife,

simultaneously; 'whither wouldst thou go?' 'I can't stay here all my days,' I replied. 'Of course not,' said Peter;

'but we had no idea of losing thee so soon: we had almost hoped that thou wouldst join us, become one of us.

We are under infinite obligations to thee.' 'You mean I am under infinite obligations to you,' said I. 'Did you

not save my life?' 'Perhaps so, under God,' said Peter; 'and what hast thou not done for me? Art thou aware

that, under God, thou hast preserved my soul from despair? But, independent of that, we like thy company,

and feel a deep interest in thee, and would fain teach thee the way that is right. Hearken, tomorrow we go

into Wales; go with us.' 'I have no wish to go into Wales,' said I. 'Why not?' said Peter, with animation.

'Wales is a goodly country; as the Scripture says a land of brooks of water, of fountains and depths, that

spring out of valleys and hills, a land whose stones are iron, and out of whose hills thou mayest dig lead.'

'I daresay it is a very fine country,' said I, 'but I have no wish to go there just now; my destiny seems to point

in another direction, to say nothing of my trade.' 'Thou dost right to say nothing of thy trade,' said Peter,

smiling, 'for thou seemest to care nothing about it; which has led Winifred and myself to suspect that thou art

not altogether what thou seemest; but, setting that aside, we should be most happy if thou wouldst go with us

into Wales.' 'I cannot promise to go with you into Wales,' said I; 'but, as you depart tomorrow, I will stay

with you through the day, and on the morrow accompany you part of the way.' 'Do,' said Peter: 'I have many

people to see today, and so has Winifred; but we will both endeavour to have some serious discourse with

In the course of the day the good Peter came to me, as I was seated beneath the oak, and, placing himself by

'I have no doubt, my young friend, that you are willing to admit that the most important thing which a human

being possesses is his soul; it is of infinitely more importance than the body, which is a frail substance, and

cannot last for many years; but not so the soul, which, by its nature, is imperishable. To one of two mansions

the soul is destined to depart, after its separation from the body, to heaven or hell; to the halls of eternal bliss,

where God and His holy angels dwell, or to the place of endless misery, inhabited by Satan and his grisly

companions. My friend, if the joys of heaven are great, unutterably great, so are the torments of hell

unutterably so. I wish not to speak of them, I wish not to terrify your imagination with the torments of hell:

indeed, I like not to think of them; but it is necessary to speak of them sometimes, and to think of them

sometimes, lest you should sink into a state of carnal security. Authors, friend, and learned men, are not

altogether agreed as to the particulars of hell. They all agree, however, in considering it a place of exceeding

horror. Master Ellis Wyn, who by the bye was a churchman, calls it, amongst other things, a place of strong

sighs, and of flaming sparks. Master Rees Pritchard, who was not only a churchman, but Vicar of

Llandovery, and flourished about two hundred years ago I wish many like him flourished now speaking

of hell, in his collection of sweet hymns called the "Welshman's Candle," observes,

'"The pool is continually blazing; it is very deep, without any known bottom, and the walls are so high, that

'But, as I told you just now, I have no great pleasure in talking of hell. No, friend, no; I would sooner talk of

the other place, and of the goodness and hospitality of God amongst His saints above.'

And then the excellent man began to dilate upon the joys of heaven, and the goodness and hospitality of God

in the mansions above; explaining to me, in the clearest way, how I might get there.

And when he had finished what he had to say, he left me, whereupon Winifred drew nigh, and sitting down

by me began to address me. 'I do not think,' said she, 'from what I have observed of thee, that thou wouldst

wish to be ungrateful, and yet, is not thy whole life a series of ingratitude, and to whom? to thy Maker. Has

He not endowed thee with a goodly and healthy form; and senses which enable thee to enjoy the delights of

His beautiful universe the work of His hands? Canst thou not enjoy, even to rapture, the brightness of the

sun, the perfume of the meads, and the song of the dear birds which inhabit among the trees? Yes, thou canst;

for I have seen thee, and observed thee doing so. Yet, during the whole time that I have known thee, I have

not heard proceed from thy lips one single word of praise or thanksgiving to . . .'

And in this manner the admirable woman proceeded for a considerable time, and to all her discourse I

listened with attention; and when she had concluded, I took her hand and said, 'I thank you,' and that was all.

On the next day everything was ready for our departure. The good family of the house came to bid us

farewell. There were shaking of hands, and kisses, as on the night of our arrival.

And as I stood somewhat apart, the young girl of whom I have spoken so often came up to me, and holding

out her hand, said, 'Farewell, young man, wherever thou goest.' Then, after looking around her, she said, 'It

was all true you told me. Yesterday I received a letter from him thou wottest of; he is coming soon. God bless

So, after we had taken our farewell of the good family, we departed, proceeding in the direction of Wales.

Peter was very cheerful, and enlivened the way with godly discourse and spiritual hymns, some of which

were in the Welsh language. At length I said, 'It is a pity that you did not continue in the Church; you have a

turn for Psalmody, and I have heard of a man becoming a bishop by means of a less qualification.'

'Very probably,' said Peter; 'more the pity. But I have told you the reason of my forsaking it. Frequently,

when I went to the church door, I found it barred, and the priest absent; what was I to do? My heart was

bursting for want of some religious help and comfort; what could I do? as good Master Rees Pritchard

'"It is a doleful thing to see little children burning on the hot coals for want of help; but yet more doleful to

'The Church of England is a fine church,' said I; 'I would not advise any one to speak ill of the Church of

'I have nothing to say against the church,' said Peter; 'all I wish is that it would fling itself a little more open,

and that its priests would a little more bestir themselves; in a word, that it would shoulder the cross and

'You are much more of a Methodist,' said I, 'than your husband. But tell me,' said I, addressing myself to

Peter, 'do you not differ from the church in some points of doctrine? I, of course, as a true member of the

'Oh the pride of that church!' said Winifred, half to herself; 'wandering sectaries!'

'We differ in no points of doctrine,' said Peter; 'we believe all the church believes, though we are not so fond

of vain and superfluous ceremonies, snowwhite neckcloths and surplices, as the church is. We likewise

think that there is no harm in a sermon by the roadside, or in holding free discourse with a beggar beneath a

hedge, or a tinker,' he added, smiling; 'it was those superfluous ceremonies, those surplices and white

neckcloths, and, above all, the necessity of strictly regulating his words and conversation, which drove John

Wesley out of the church, and sent him wandering up and down as you see me, poor Welsh Peter, do.'

Nothing farther passed for some time; we were now drawing near the hills: at last I said, 'You must have met

'Many,' said Peter, 'it has been my lot to meet with; but none more strange than one which occurred to me

only a few weeks ago. You were asking me, not long since, whether I believed in devils? Ay, truly, young

man; and I believe that the abyss and the yet deeper unknown do not contain them all; some walk about upon

the green earth. So it happened, some weeks ago, that I was exercising my ministry about forty miles from

here. I was alone, Winifred being slightly indisposed, staying for a few days at the house of an acquaintance;

I had finished afternoon's worship the people had dispersed, and I was sitting solitary by my cart under

some green trees in a quiet retired place; suddenly a voice said to me, "Good evening, Pastor"; I looked up,

and before me stood a man, at least the appearance of a man, dressed in a black suit of rather a singular

fashion. He was about my own age, or somewhat older. As I looked upon him, it appeared to me that I had

seen him twice before whilst preaching. I replied to his salutation, and perceiving that he looked somewhat

fatigued, I took out a stool from the cart, and asked him to sit down. We began to discourse; I at first

supposed that he might be one of ourselves, some wandering minister; but I was soon undeceived. Neither his

language nor his ideas were those of any one of our body. He spoke on all kinds of matters with much

fluency; till at last he mentioned my preaching, complimenting me on my powers. I replied, as well I might,

that I could claim no merit of my own, and that if I spoke with any effect, it was only by the grace of God. As

I uttered these last words, a horrible kind of sneer came over his countenance, which made me shudder, for

there was something diabolical in it. I said little more, but listened attentively to his discourse. At last he said

that I was engaged in a paltry cause, quite unworthy of one of my powers. "How can that be," said I, "even if

I possessed all the powers in the world, seeing that I am engaged in the cause of our Lord Jesus?"

'The same kind of sneer again came on his countenance, but he almost instantly observed, that if I chose to

forsake this same miserable cause, from which nothing but contempt and privation was to be expected, he

would enlist me into another, from which I might expect both profit and renown. An idea now came into my

head, and I told him firmly that if he wished me to forsake my present profession and become a member of

the Church of England, I must absolutely decline; that I had no illwill against that church, but I thought I

could do most good in my present position, which I would not forsake to be Archbishop of Canterbury.

Thereupon he burst into a strange laughter, and went away, repeating to himself, "Church of England!

Archbishop of Canterbury!" A few days after, when I was once more in a solitary place, he again appeared

before me, and asked me whether I had thought over his words, and whether I was willing to enlist under the

banners of his master, adding that he was eager to secure me, as he conceived that I might be highly useful to

the cause. I then asked him who his master was; he hesitated for a moment, and then answered, "The Roman

Pontiff." "If it be he," said I, "I can have nothing to do with him; I will serve no one who is an enemy of

Christ." Thereupon he drew near to me, and told me not to talk so much like a simpleton; that as for Christ, it

was probable that no such person ever existed, but that if He ever did, He was the greatest impostor the world

ever saw. How long he continued in this way I know not, for I now considered that an evil spirit was before

me, and shrank within myself, shivering in every limb; when I recovered myself and looked about me, he was

gone. Two days after, he again stood before me, in the same place, and about the same hour, renewing his

propositions, and speaking more horribly than before. I made him no answer; whereupon he continued; but

suddenly hearing a noise behind him, he looked round and beheld Winifred, who had returned to me on the

morning of that day. "Who are you?" said he, fiercely. "This man's wife," said she, calmly fixing her eyes

upon him. "Begone from him, unhappy one, thou temptest him in vain." He made no answer, but stood as if

transfixed: at length, recovering himself, he departed, muttering "Wife! wife! If the fool has a wife, he will

WE were now drawing very near the hills, and Peter said, 'If you are to go into Wales, you must presently

'Yon small brook,' said Peter, 'into which the man on horseback who is coming towards us is now entering.'

'I see it,' said I, 'and the man; he stops in the middle of it, as if to water his steed.'

We proceeded till we had nearly reached the brook. 'Well,' said Peter, 'will you go into Wales?'

I stopped my little pony. 'Then I need not go into Wales; I already know Welsh.'

'Come with us, young man,' said Winifred; 'let me, on the other side of the brook, welcome you into Wales.'

'Because it is neither fit nor proper that I cross into Wales at this time, and in this manner. When I go into

Wales, I should wish to go in a new suit of superfine black, with hat and beaver, mounted on a powerful

steed, black and glossy, like that which bore Greduv to the fight of Catraeth. I should wish, moreover, to see

the Welshmen assembled on the border ready to welcome me with pipe and fiddle, and much whooping and

shouting, and to attend me to Wrexham, or even as far as Machynllaith, where I should wish to be invited to a

dinner at which all the bards should be present, and to be seated at the right hand of the president, who, when

the cloth was removed, should arise, and, amidst cries of silence, exclaim "Brethren and Welshmen, allow

me to propose the health of my most respectable friend the translator of the odes of the great Ab Gwilym, the

'Come with us, friend,' said Peter. 'I cannot promise such a dinner as thou wishest, but neither pipe nor fiddle

'Come with us, young man,' said Winifred, 'even as thou art, and the daughters of Wales shall bid thee

'Who is staring at us so, and whose horse has not yet done drinking? Of course I see him.'

'Go back with him not,' said Peter; 'he is one of those whom I like not, one of the clibbertyclabber, as Master

'Go not back with him,' said Winifred. 'If thou goest with that man, thou wilt soon forget all our profitable

'Kosko Divvus, Pal,' said Mr. Petulengro, riding through the water; 'are you turning back?'

'I must answer in the words of Taliesin,' said I: 'none can say with positiveness whether I be fish or flesh,

At a funeral Two days ago Very coolly Roman woman Well and hearty Somewhat dreary Plum

pudding Roman fashion Quite different The dark lane Beyond the time Fine fellow Such a

SO I turned back with Mr. Petulengro. We travelled for some time in silence; at last we fell into discourse.

'I am lost in astonishment,' said I; whereupon Mr. Petulengro, lifting his sinister leg over the neck of his

steed, and adjusting himself sideways in the saddle, replied, with great deliberation, 'Two days ago I

happened to be at a fair not very far from here; I was all alone by myself, for our party were upwards of forty

miles off, when who should come up but a chap that I knew, a relation, or rather a connection, of mine one

of those Hernes. "Aren't you going to the funeral?" said he; and then, brother, there passed between him and

me, in the way of questioning and answering, much the same as has just now passed between me and you; but

when he mentioned hanging, I thought I could do no less than ask who hanged her, which you forgot to do.

"Who hanged her?" said I; and then the man told me that she had done it herself; been her own hinjiri; and

then I thought to myself what a sin and shame it would be if I did not go to the funeral, seeing that she was

my own motherin law. I would have brought my wife, and, indeed, the whole of our party, but there was

no time for that; they were too far off, and the dead was to be buried early the next morning; so I went with

the man, and he led me into Wales, where his party had lately retired, and when there, through many wild and

desolate places to their encampment, and there I found the Hernes, and the dead body the last laid out on a

mattress, in a tent, dressed Romaneskoenaes in a red cloak, and big bonnet of black beaver. I must say for the

Hernes that they took the matter very coolly; some were eating, others drinking, and some were talking about

their small affairs; there was one, however, who did not take the matter so coolly, but took on enough for the

whole family, sitting beside the dead woman, tearing her hair, and refusing to take either meat or drink; it was

the child Leonora. I arrived at nightfall, and the burying was not to take place till the morning, which I was

rather sorry for, as I am not very fond of them Hernes, who are not very fond of anybody. They never asked

me to eat or drink, notwithstanding I had married into the family; one of them, however, came up and offered

to fight me for five shillings; had it not been for them I should have come back as empty as I went he didn't

stand up five minutes. Brother, I passed the night as well as I could, beneath a tree, for the tents were full, and

not over clean; I slept little, and had my eyes about me, for I knew the kind of people I was among.

'Early in the morning the funeral took place. The body was placed not in a coffin but on a bier, and carried

not to a churchyard but to a deep dell close by; and there it was buried beneath a rock, dressed just as I have

told you; and this was done by the bidding of Leonora, who had heard her bebee say that she wished to be

buried, not in gorgious fashion, but like a Roman woman of the old blood, the kosko puro rati, brother. When

it was over, and we had got back to the encampment, I prepared to be going. Before mounting my gry,

however, I bethought me to ask what could have induced the dead woman to make away with herself a

thing so uncommon amongst Romanies; whereupon one squinted with his eyes, a second spirted saliver into

the air, and a third said that he neither knew nor cared; she was a good riddance, having more than once been

nearly the ruin of them all, from the quantity of brimstone she carried about her. One, however, I suppose

rather ashamed of the way in which they had treated me, said at last that if I wanted to know all about the

matter none could tell me better than the child, who was in all her secrets, and was not a little like her; so I

looked about for the child, but could find her nowhere. At last the same man told me that he shouldn't wonder

if I found her at the grave; so I went back to the grave, and sure enough there I found the child Leonora,

seated on the ground above the body, crying and taking on; so I spoke kindly to her, and said, "How came all

this, Leonora? tell me all about it." It was a long time before I could get any answer; at last she opened her

mouth and spoke, and these were the words she said, "It was all along of your Pal"; and then she told me all

about the matter how Mrs. Herne could not abide you, which I knew before; and that she had sworn your

destruction, which I did not know before. And then she told me how she found you living in the wood by

yourself, and how you were enticed to eat a poisoned cake; and she told me many other things that you wot

of, and she told me what perhaps you don't wot, namely, that finding you had been removed, she, the child,

had tracked you a long way, and found you at last well and hearty, and no ways affected by the poison, and

heard you, as she stood concealed, disputing about religion with a Welsh Methody. Well, brother, she told me

all this; and, moreover, that when Mrs. Herne heard of it, she said that a dream of hers had come to pass. I

don't know what it was, but something about herself, a tinker, and a dean; and then she added that it was all

up with her, and that she must take a long journey. Well, brother, that same night Leonora, waking from her

sleep in the tent where Mrs. Herne and she were wont to sleep, missed her bebee, and, becoming alarmed,

went in search of her, and at last found her hanging from a branch; and when the child had got so far, she

took on violently, and I could not get another word from her; so I left her, and here I am.'

'And I am glad to see you, Mr. Petulengro; but this is sad news which you tell me about Mrs. Herne.'

'Somewhat dreary, brother; yet, perhaps, after all, it is a good thing that she is removed; she carried so much

'I am sorry for her,' said I; 'more especially as I am the cause of her death though the innocent one.'

'She could not bide you, brother, that's certain; but that is no reason' said Mr. Petulengro, balancing himself

upon the saddle 'that is no reason why she should prepare drow to take away your essence of life; and,

when disappointed, to hang herself upon a tree: if she was dissatisfied with you, she might have flown at you,

and scratched your face; or, if she did not judge herself your match, she might have put down five shillings

for a turnup between you and some one she thought could beat you myself, for example and so the

matter might have ended comfortably; but she was always too fond of covert ways, drows, and brimstones.

'Bah!' said Mr. Petulengro; 'there's no harm in that. No, no! she has cast drows in her time for other guess

things than bawlor; both Gorgios and Romans have tasted of them, and died. Did you never hear of the

'Then I will tell you about it. It happened about six years ago, a few months after she had quitted us she had

gone first amongst her own people, as she called them; but there was another small party of Romans, with

whom she soon became very intimate. It so happened that this small party got into trouble; whether it was

about a horse or an ass, or passing bad money, no matter to you and me, who had no hand in the business;

three or four of them were taken and lodged in Castle, and amongst them was a woman; but the sherengro,

or principal man of the party, and who it seems had most hand in the affair, was still at large. All of a sudden

a rumour was spread abroad that the woman was about to play false, and to 'peach the rest. Said the principal

man, when he heard it, "If she does, I am nashkado." Mrs. Herne was then on a visit to the party, and when

she heard the principal man take on so, she said, "But I suppose you know what to do?" "I do not," said he.

"Then hir mi devlis," said she, "you are a fool. But leave the matter to me, I know how to dispose of her in

Roman fashion." Why she wanted to interfere in the matter, brother, I don't know, unless it was from pure

brimstoneness of disposition she had no hand in the matter which had brought the party into trouble she

was only on a visit, and it had happened before she came; but she was always ready to give dangerous advice.

Well, brother, the principal man listened to what she had to say, and let her do what she would; and she made

a pudding, a very nice one, no doubt for, besides plums, she put in drows and all the Roman condiments

that she knew of; and she gave it to the principal man, and the principal put it into a basket and directed it to

'Quite different, brother; she took it, it is true, but instead of giving way to her appetite, as you might have

done, she put it before the rest whom she was going to impeach; perhaps she wished to see how they liked it

before she tasted it herself; and all the rest were poisoned, and one died, and there was a precious outcry, and

the woman cried loudest of all; and she said, "It was my death was sought for; I know the man, and I'll be

revenged." And then the Poknees spoke to her and said, "Where can we find him?" and she said, "I am awake

to his motions; three weeks from hence, the night before the full moon, at such and such an hour, he will pass

'Do, brother! sent for a plastramengro from Bow Street, quite secretly, and told him what the woman had

said; and the night before the full moon, the plastramengro went to the place which the juwa had pointed out,

all alone, brother; and in order that he might not be too late, he went two hours before his time. I know the

place well, brother, where the plastramengro placed himself behind a thick holly tree, at the end of a lane,

where a gate leads into various fields, through which there is a path for carts and horses. The lane is called the

dark lane by the Gorgios, being much shaded by trees. So the plastramengro placed himself in the dark lane

behind the holly tree; it was a cold February night, dreary though; the wind blew in gusts, and the moon had

not yet risen, and the plastramengro waited behind the tree till he was tired, and thought he might as well sit

down; so he sat down, and was not long in falling to sleep, and there he slept for some hours; and when he

awoke the moon had risen, and was shining bright, so that there was a kind of moonlight even in the dark

lane; and the plastramengro pulled out his watch, and contrived to make out that it was just two hours beyond

the time when the men should have passed by. Brother, I do not know what the plastramengro thought of

himself, but I know, brother, what I should have thought of myself in his situation. I should have thought,

brother, that I was a drowsy scoppelo, and that I had let the fellow pass by whilst I was sleeping behind a

bush. As it turned out, however, his going to sleep did no harm, but quite the contrary: just as he was going

away, he heard a gate slam in the direction of the fields, and then he heard the low stumping of horses, as if

on soft ground, for the path in those fields is generally soft, and at that time it had been lately ploughed up.

Well, brother, presently he saw two men on horseback coming towards the lane through the field behind the

gate; the man who rode foremost was a tall big fellow, the very man he was in quest of; the other was a

smaller chap, not so small either, but a light, wiry fellow, and a proper master of his hands when he sees

occasion for using them. Well, brother, the foremost man came to the gate, reached at the hank, undid it, and

rode through, holding it open for the other. Before, however, the other could follow into the lane, out bolted

the plastramengro from behind the tree, kicked the gate to with his foot, and, seizing the big man on

horseback, "You are my prisoner," said he. I am of opinion, brother, that the plastramengro, notwithstanding

'Why, brother, the Rommany chal, after he had somewhat recovered from his surprise, for it is rather

uncomfortable to be laid hold of at nighttime, and told you are a prisoner; more especially when you happen

to have two or three things on your mind which, if proved against you, would carry you to the nashky, the

Rommany chal, I say, clubbed his whip, and aimed a blow at the plastramengro, which, if it had hit him on

the skull, as was intended, would very likely have cracked it. The plastramengro, however, received it partly

on his staff, so that it did him no particular damage. Whereupon, seeing what kind of customer he had to deal

with, he dropped his staff and seized the chal with both his hands, who forthwith spurred his horse, hoping,

by doing so, either to break away from him or fling him down; but it would not do the plastramengro held

on like a bulldog, so that the Rommany chal, to escape being hauled to the ground, suddenly flung himself

off the saddle, and then happened in that lane, close by the gate, such a struggle between those two the chal

and the runner as I suppose will never happen again. But you must have heard of it; every one has heard of

it; every one has heard of the fight between the Bow Street engro and the Rommany chal.'

'All England rung of it, brother. There never was a better match than between those two. The runner was

somewhat the stronger of the two all those engroes are strong fellows and a great deal cooler, for all of

that sort are wondrous cool people he had, however, to do with one who knew full well how to take his own

part. The chal fought the engro, brother, in the old Roman fashion. He bit, he kicked, and screamed like a

wild cat of Benygant; casting foam from his mouth and fire from his eyes. Sometimes he was beneath the

engro's legs, and sometimes he was upon his shoulders. What the engro found the most difficult was to get a

firm hold of the chal, for no sooner did he seize the chal by any part of his wearing apparel, than the chal

either tore himself away, or contrived to slip out of it; so that in a little time the chal was three parts naked;

and as for holding him by the body, it was out of the question, for he was as slippery as an eel. At last the

engro seized the chal by the Belcher's handkerchief, which he wore in a knot round his neck, and do whatever

the chal could, he could not free himself; and when the engro saw that, it gave him fresh heart, no doubt: "It's

of no use," said he; "you had better give in; hold out your hands for the darbies, or I will throttle you."

'You mean not fighting. A great deal, brother; it taught me to prize fair play. When I fought Staffordshire

Dick, t'other side of London, I was alone, brother. Not a Rommany chal to back me, and he had all his brother

pals about him; but they gave me fair play, brother; and I beat Staffordshire Dick, which I couldn't have done

had they put one finger on his side the scale; for he was as good a man as myself, or nearly so. Now, brother,

had I but bent a finger in favour of the Rommany chal, the plastramengro would never have come alive out of

the lane; but I did not, for I thought to myself fair play is a precious stone; so you see, brother '

'That you are quite right, Mr. Petulengro, I see that clearly; and now, pray proceed with your narration; it is

But Mr. Petulengro did not proceed with his narration, neither did he proceed upon his way; he had stopped

his horse, and his eyes were intently fixed on a broad strip of grass beneath some lofty trees, on the left side

of the road. It was a pleasant enough spot, and seemed to invite wayfaring people, such as we were, to rest

from the fatigues of the road, and the heat and vehemence of the sun. After examining it for a considerable

time, Mr. Petulengro said, 'I say, brother, that would be a nice place for a tussle!'

'The ground is smooth,' said Mr. Petulengro; 'without holes or ruts, and the trees cast much shade. I don't

think, brother, that we could find a better place,' said Mr. Petulengro, springing from his horse.

'Speak for yourself, brother,' said Mr. Petulengro. 'However, I will tell you how the matter stands. There is a

point at present between us. There can be no doubt that you are the cause of Mrs. Herne's death, innocently,

you will say, but still the cause. Now, I shouldn't like it to be known that I went up and down the country with

a pal who was the cause of my motherinlaw's death, that's to say, unless he gave me satisfaction. Now, if I

and my pal have a tussle, he gives me satisfaction; and, if he knocks my eyes out, which I know you can't do,

it makes no difference at all, he gives me satisfaction; and he who says to the contrary knows nothing of

'Gloves!' said Mr. Petulengro, contemptuously, 'gloves! I tell you what, brother, I always thought you were a

better hand at the gloves than the naked fist; and, to tell you the truth, besides taking satisfaction for Mrs.

Herne's death, I wish to see what you can do with your mawleys; so now is your time, brother, and this is

your place, grass and shade, no ruts or holes; come on, brother, or I shall think you what I should not like to

Offence and defence I'm satisfied Fond of solitude Possession of property Chal Devlehi Winding

AND when I heard Mr. Petulengro talk in this manner, which I had never heard him do before, and which I

can only account for by his being fasting and illtempered, I had of course no other alternative than to accept

his challenge; so I put myself into a posture which I deemed the best both for offence and defence, and the

tussle commenced; and when it had endured for about half an hour, Mr. Petulengro said, 'Brother, there is

much blood on your face; you had better wipe it off'; and when I had wiped it off, and again resumed my

former attitude, Mr. Petulengro said, 'I think enough has been done, brother, in the affair of the old woman; I

have, moreover, tried what you are able to do, and find you, as I thought, less apt with the naked mawleys

than the stuffed gloves; nay, brother, put your hands down, I'm satisfied; blood has been shed, which is all

that can be reasonably expected for an old woman who carried so much brimstone about her as Mrs. Herne.'

So the struggle ended, and we resumed our route, Mr. Petulengro sitting sideways upon his horse as before,

and I driving my little ponycart; and when we had proceeded about three miles, we came to a small

publichouse, which bore the sign of the Silent Woman, where we stopped to refresh our cattle and

ourselves; and as we sat over our bread and ale, it came to pass that Mr. Petulengro asked me various

questions, and amongst others, how I intended to dispose of myself; I told him that I did not know;

whereupon, with considerable frankness, he invited me to his camp, and told me that if I chose to settle down

amongst them, and become a Rommany chal, I should have his wife's sister Ursula, who was still unmarried,

I declined his offer, assigning as a reason the recent death of Mrs. Herne, of which I was the cause, although

innocent. 'A pretty life I should lead with those two,' said I, 'when they came to know it.' 'Pooh,' said Mr.

Petulengro, 'they will never know it. I shan't blab, and as for Leonora, that girl has a head on her shoulders.'

'Unlike the woman in the sign,' said I, 'whose head is cut off. You speak nonsense, Mr. Petulengro; as long as

a woman has a head on her shoulders she'll talk, but, leaving women out of the case, it is impossible to keep

anything a secret; an old master of mine told me so long ago. I have moreover another reason for declining

your offer. I am at present not disposed for society. I am become fond of solitude. I wish I could find some

quiet place to which I could retire to hold communion with my own thoughts, and practise, if I thought fit,

either of my trades.' 'What trades?' said Mr. Petulengro. 'Why, the one which I have lately been engaged in, or

my original one, which I confess I should like better, that of a kaulomescro.' 'Ah, I have frequently heard

you talk of making horseshoes,' said Mr. Petulengro; 'I, however, never saw you make one, and no one else

that I am aware; I don't believe come, brother, don't be angry, it's quite possible that you may have done

things which neither I nor any one else has seen you do, and that such things may some day or other come to

light, as you say nothing can be kept secret. Be that, however, as it may, pay the reckoning and let us be

going; I think I can advise you to just such a kind of place as you seem to want.'

'And how do you know that I have got wherewithal to pay the reckoning?' I demanded. 'Brother,' said Mr.

Petulengro, 'I was just now looking in your face, which exhibited the very look of a person conscious of the

possession of property; there was nothing hungry or sneaking in it. Pay the reckoning, brother.'

And when we were once more upon the road, Mr. Petulengro began to talk of the place which he conceived

would serve me as a retreat under present circumstances. 'I tell you frankly, brother, that it is a queer kind of

place, and I am not very fond of pitching my tent in it, it is so surprisingly dreary. It is a deep dingle in the

midst of a large field, on an estate about which there has been a lawsuit for some years past. I daresay you

will be quiet enough, for the nearest town is five miles distant, and there are only a few huts and hedge

publichouses in the neighbourhood. Brother, I am fond of solitude myself, but not that kind of solitude; I

like a quiet heath, where I can pitch my house, but I always like to have a gay stirring place not far off, where

the women can pen dukkerin, and I myself can sell or buy a horse, if needful such a place as the Chong

Gav. I never feel so merry as when there, brother, or on the heath above it, where I taught you Rommany.'

Shortly after this discourse we reached a milestone, and a few yards from the milestone, on the left hand, was

a crossroad. Thereupon Mr. Petulengro said, 'Brother, my path lies to the left if you choose to go with me to

my camp, good; if not, Chal Devlehi.' But I again refused Mr. Petulengro's invitation, and, shaking him by

the hand, proceeded forward alone; and about ten miles farther on I reached the town of which he had spoken,

and, following certain directions which he had given, discovered, though not without some difficulty, the

dingle which he had mentioned. It was a deep hollow in the midst of a wide field; the shelving sides were

overgrown with trees and bushes, a belt of sallows surrounded it on the top, a steep winding path led down

into the depths, practicable, however, for a light cart, like mine; at the bottom was an open space, and there I

pitched my tent, and there I contrived to put up my forge. 'I will here ply the trade of kaulomescro,' said I.

Highly poetical Volundr Grecian mythology Making a petul Tongues of flame Hammering Spite

IT has always struck me that there is something highly poetical about a forge. I am not singular in this

opinion: various individuals have assured me that they can never pass by one, even in the midst of a crowded

town, without experiencing sensations which they can scarcely define, but which are highly pleasurable. I

have a decided penchant for forges, especially rural ones, placed in some quaint quiet spot a dingle, for

example, which is a poetical place, or at a meeting of four roads, which is still more so; for how many a

superstition and superstition is the soul of poetry is connected with these cross roads! I love to light upon

such a one, especially after nightfall, as everything about a forge tells to most advantage at night; the hammer

sounds more solemnly in the stillness; the glowing particles scattered by the strokes sparkle with more effect

in the darkness, whilst the sooty visage of the sastramescro, half in shadow and half illumed by the red and

partial blaze of the forge, looks more mysterious and strange. On such occasions I draw in my horse's rein,

and, seated in the saddle, endeavour to associate with the picture before me in itself a picture of romance

whatever of the wild and wonderful I have read of in books, or have seen with my own eyes in connection

I believe the life of any blacksmith, especially a rural one, would afford materials for a highly poetical

history. I do not speak unadvisedly, having the honour to be free of the forge, and therefore fully competent

to give an opinion as to what might be made out of the forge by some dexterous hand. Certainly, the strangest

and most entertaining life ever written is that of a blacksmith of the olden north, a certain Volundr, or Velint,

who lived in woods and thickets, made keen swords so keen, indeed, that if placed in a running stream they

would fairly divide an object, however slight, which was borne against them by the water, and who

eventually married a king's daughter, by whom he had a son, who was as bold a knight as his father was a

cunning blacksmith. I never see a forge at night, when seated on the back of my horse, at the bottom of a dark

lane, but I somehow or other associate it with the exploits of this extraordinary fellow, with many other

extraordinary things, amongst which, as I have hinted before, are particular passages of my own life, one or

I never associate Vulcan and his Cyclops with the idea of a forge. These gentry would be the very last people

in the world to flit across my mind whilst gazing at the forge from the bottom of the dark lane. The truth is,

they are highly unpoetical fellows, as well they may be, connected as they are with the Grecian mythology.

At the very mention of their names the forge burns dull and dim, as if snowballs had been suddenly flung into

it; the only remedy is to ply the bellows, an operation which I now hasten to perform.

I am in the dingle making a horseshoe. Having no other horses on whose hoofs I could exercise my art, I

made my first essay on those of my own horse, if that could be called horse which horse was none, being only

a pony. Perhaps, if I had sought all England, I should scarcely have found an animal more in need of the kind

offices of the smith. On three of his feet there were no shoes at all, and on the fourth only a remnant of one,

on which account his hoofs were sadly broken and lacerated by his late journeys over the hard and flinty

roads. 'You belonged to a tinker before,' said I, addressing the animal, 'but now you belong to a smith. It is

said that the household of the shoemaker invariably go worse shod than that of any other craft. That may be

the case of those who make shoes of leather, but it shan't be said of the household of him who makes shoes of

iron; at any rate it shan't be said of mine. I tell you what, my gry, whilst you continue with me, you shall both

I am in the dingle making a petul; and I must here observe that whilst I am making a horseshoe the reader

need not be surprised if I speak occasionally in the language of the lord of the horseshoe Mr. Petulengro. I

have for some time past been plying the peshota, or bellows, endeavouring to raise up the yag, or fire, in my

primitive forge. The angar, or coals, are now burning fiercely, casting forth sparks and long vagescoe chipes,

or tongues of flame; a small bar of sastra, or iron, is lying in the fire, to the length of ten or twelve inches, and

so far it is hot, very hot, exceeding hot, brother. And now you see me prala, snatch the bar of iron, and place

the heated end of it upon the covantza, or anvil, and forthwith I commence cooring the sastra as hard as if I

had been just engaged by a master at the rate of dui caulor, or two shillings, a day, brother; and when I have

beaten the iron till it is nearly cool, and my arm tired, I place it again in the angar, and begin again to rouse

the fire with the pudamengro, which signifies the blowing thing, and is another and more common word for

bellows; and whilst thus employed I sing a gypsy song, the sound of which is wonderfully in unison with the

hoarse moaning of the pudamengro, and ere the song is finished, the iron is again hot and malleable. Behold,

I place it once more on the covantza, and recommence hammering; and now I am somewhat at fault; I am in

want of assistance; I want you, brother, or some one else, to take the bar out of my hand and support it upon

the covantza, whilst I, applying a chinomescro, or kind of chisel, to the heated iron, cut off with a lusty stroke

or two of the shukaro baro, or big hammer, as much as is required for the petul. But having no one to help

me, I go on hammering till I have fairly knocked off as much as I want, and then I place the piece in the fire,

and again apply the bellows, and take up the song where I left it off; and when I have finished the song, I take

out the iron, but this time with my plaistra, or pincers, and then I recommence hammering, turning the iron

round and round with my pincers: and now I bend the iron and, lo and behold! it has assumed something of

I am not going to enter into farther details with respect to the process it was rather a wearisome one. I had

to contend with various disadvantages; my forge was a rude one, my tools might have been better; I was in

want of one or two highly necessary implements, but, above all, manual dexterity. Though free of the forge, I

had not practised the albeytarian art for very many years, never since but stay, it is not my intention to tell

the reader, at least in this place, how and when I became a blacksmith. There was one thing, however, which

stood me in good stead in my labour, the same thing which through life has ever been of incalculable utility

to me, and has not unfrequently supplied the place of friends, money, and many other things of almost equal

importance iron perseverance, without which all the advantages of time and circumstance are of very little

avail in any undertaking. I was determined to make a horseshoe, and a good one, in spite of every obstacle

ay, in spite of dukkerin. At the end of four days, during which I had fashioned and refashioned the thing at

least fifty times, I had made a petul such as no master of the craft need have been ashamed of; with the

second shoe I had less difficulty, and, by the time I had made the fourth, I would have scorned to take off my

But I had not yet shod my little gry: this I proceeded now to do. After having first well pared the hoofs with

my churi, I applied each petul hot, glowing hot, to the pindro. Oh, how the hoofs hissed! and, oh, the pleasant

pungent odour which diffused itself through the dingle! an odour good for an ailing spirit.

I shod the little horse bravely merely pricked him once, slightly, with a cafi, for doing which, I remember,

he kicked me down; I was not disconcerted, however, but, getting up, promised to be more cautious in future;

and having finished the operation, I filed the hoof well with the rin baro, then dismissed him to graze

amongst the trees, and, putting my smaller tools into the muchtar, I sat down on my stone, and, supporting

Several causes Frogs and eftes Gloom and twilight What should I do? 'Our Father' Fellowmen

HEAVINESS had suddenly come over me, heaviness of heart, and of body also. I had accomplished the task

which I had imposed upon myself, and now that nothing more remained to do, my energies suddenly deserted

me, and I felt without strength, and without hope. Several causes, perhaps, cooperated to bring about the

state in which I then felt myself. It is not improbable that my energies had been overstrained during the work

the progress of which I have attempted to describe; and every one is aware that the results of overstrained

energies are feebleness and lassitude want of nourishment might likewise have something to do with it.

During my sojourn in the dingle, my food had been of the simplest and most unsatisfying description, by no

means calculated to support the exertion which the labour I had been engaged upon required; it had consisted

of coarse oaten cakes and hard cheese, and for beverage I had been indebted to a neighbouring pit, in which,

in the heat of the day, I frequently saw, not golden or silver fish, but frogs and eftes swimming about. I am,

however, inclined to believe that Mrs. Herne's cake had quite as much to do with the matter as insufficient

nourishment. I had never entirely recovered from the effects of its poison, but had occasionally, especially at

night, been visited by a grinding pain in the stomach, and my whole body had been suffused with cold sweat;

and indeed these memorials of the drow have never entirely disappeared even at the present time they

display themselves in my system, especially after much fatigue of body and excitement of mind. So there I

sat in the dingle upon my stone, nerveless and hopeless, by whatever cause or causes that state had been

produced there I sat with my head leaning upon my hand, and so I continued a long, long time. At last I

lifted my head from my hand, and began to cast anxious, unquiet looks about the dingle the entire hollow

was now enveloped in deep shade I cast my eyes up; there was a golden gleam on the tops of the trees

which grew towards the upper parts of the dingle; but lower down all was gloom and twilight yet, when I

first sat down on my stone, the sun was right above the dingle, illuminating all its depths by the rays which it

cast perpendicularly down so I must have sat a long, long time upon my stone. And now, once more, I

rested my head upon my hand, but almost instantly lifted it again in a kind of fear, and began looking at the

objects before me the forge, the tools, the branches of the trees, endeavouring to follow their rows, till they

were lost in the darkness of the dingle; and now I found my right hand grasping convulsively the three

forefingers of the left, first collectively, and then successively, wringing them till the joints cracked; then I

Suddenly I started up, and could scarcely repress the shriek which was rising to my lips. Was it possible?

Yes, all too certain; the evil one was upon me; the inscrutable horror which I had felt in my boyhood had

once more taken possession of me. I had thought that it had forsaken me that it would never visit me again;

that I had outgrown it; that I might almost bid defiance to it; and I had even begun to think of it without

horror, as we are in the habit of doing of horrors of which we conceive we run no danger; and lo! when least

thought of, it had seized me again. Every moment I felt it gathering force, and making me more wholly its

own. What should I do? resist, of course; and I did resist. I grasped, I tore, and strove to fling it from me;

but of what avail were my efforts? I could only have got rid of it by getting rid of myself: it was a part of

myself, or rather it was all myself. I rushed amongst the trees, and struck at them with my bare fists, and

dashed my head against them, but I felt no pain. How could I feel pain with that horror upon me? And then I

flung myself on the ground, gnawed the earth, and swallowed it; and then I looked round; it was almost total

darkness in the dingle, and the darkness added to my horror. I could no longer stay there; up I rose from the

ground, and attempted to escape. At the bottom of the winding path which led up the acclivity I fell over

something which was lying on the ground; the something moved, and gave a kind of whine. It was my little

horse, which had made that place its lair; my little horse; my only companion and friend in that now awful

solitude. I reached the mouth of the dingle; the sun was just sinking in the far west behind me, the fields were

flooded with his last gleams. How beautiful everything looked in the last gleams of the sun! I felt relieved for

a moment; I was no longer in the horrid dingle. In another minute the sun was gone, and a big cloud occupied

the place where he had been: in a little time it was almost as dark as it had previously been in the open part of

the dingle. My horror increased; what was I to do? it was of no use fighting against the horror that I saw;

the more I fought against it, the stronger it became. What should I do: say my prayers? Ah! why not? So I

knelt down under the hedge, and said, 'Our Father'; but that was of no use; and now I could no longer repress

cries the horror was too great to be borne. What should I do? run to the nearest town or village, and request

the assistance of my fellowmen? No! that I was ashamed to do; notwithstanding the horror was upon me, I

was ashamed to do that. I knew they would consider me a maniac, if I went screaming amongst them; and I

did not wish to be considered a maniac. Moreover, I knew that I was not a maniac, for I possessed all my

reasoning powers, only the horror was upon me the screaming horror! But how were indifferent people to

distinguish between madness and the screaming horror? So I thought and reasoned; and at last I determined

not to go amongst my fellowmen, whatever the result might be. I went to the mouth of the dingle, and there,

placing myself on my knees, I again said the Lord's Prayer; but it was of no use praying seemed to have no

effect over the horror; the unutterable fear appeared rather to increase than diminish, and I again uttered wild

cries, so loud that I was apprehensive they would be heard by some chance passenger on the neighbouring

road; I therefore went deeper into the dingle. I sat down with my back against a thorn bush; the thorns entered

my flesh, and when I felt them, I pressed harder against the bush; I thought the pain of the flesh might in

some degree counteract the mental agony; presently I felt them no longer the power of the mental horror

was so great that it was impossible, with that upon me, to feel any pain from the thorns. I continued in this

posture a long time, undergoing what I cannot describe, and would not attempt if I were able. Several times I

was on the point of starting up and rushing anywhere; but I restrained myself, for I knew I could not escape

from myself, so why should I not remain in the dingle? So I thought and said to myself, for my reasoning

powers were still uninjured. At last it appeared to me that the horror was not so strong, not quite so strong,

upon me. Was it possible that it was relaxing its grasp, releasing its prey? Oh what a mercy! but it could not

be; and yet I looked up to heaven, and clasped my hands, and said, 'Our Father.' I said no more I was too

After a little time I arose, and staggered down yet farther into the dingle. I again found my little horse on the

same spot as before. I put my hand to his mouth he licked my hand. I flung myself down by him, and put

my arms round his neck; the creature whinnied, and appeared to sympathise with me. What a comfort to have

any one, even a dumb brute, to sympathise with me at such a moment! I clung to my little horse, as if for

safety and protection. I laid my head on his neck, and felt almost calm. Presently the fear returned, but not so

wild as before; it subsided, came again, again subsided; then drowsiness came over me, and at last I fell

asleep, my head supported on the neck of the little horse. I awoke; it was dark, dark night not a star was to

be seen but I felt no fear, the horror had left me. I arose from the side of the little horse, and went into my

I awoke in the morning weak and sore, and shuddering at the remembrance of what I had gone through on the

preceding day; the sun was shining brightly, but it had not yet risen high enough to show its head above the

trees which fenced the eastern side of the dingle, on which account the dingle was wet and dank from the

dews of the night. I kindled my fire, and, after sitting by it for some time to warm my frame, I took some of

the coarse food which I have already mentioned; notwithstanding my late struggle, and the coarseness of the

fare, I ate with appetite. My provisions had by this time been very much diminished, and I saw that it would

be speedily necessary, in the event of my continuing to reside in the dingle, to lay in a fresh store. After my

meal, I went to the pit and filled a can with water, which I brought to the dingle, and then again sat down on

my stone. I considered what I should next do: it was necessary to do something, or my life in this solitude

would be insupportable. What should I do? rouse up my forge and fashion a horseshoe? But I wanted nerve

and heart for such an employment; moreover, I had no motive for fatiguing myself in this manner; my own

horse was shod, no other was at hand, and it is hard to work for the sake of working. What should I do? read?

Yes, but I had no other book than the Bible which the Welsh Methodist had given me. Well, why not read the

Bible? I was once fond of reading the Bible; ay, but those days were long gone by. However, I did not see

what else I could well do on the present occasion so I determined to read the Bible it was in Welsh; at any

rate it might amuse me. So I took the Bible out of the sack, in which it was lying in the cart, and began to

read at the place where I chanced to open it. I opened it at that part where the history of Saul commences. At

first I read with indifference, but after some time my attention was riveted, and no wonder, I had come to the

visitations of Saul those dark moments of his, when he did and said such unaccountable things; it almost

appeared to me that I was reading of myself; I, too, had my visitations, dark as ever his were. Oh, how I

sympathised with Saul, the tall dark man! I had read his life before, but it had made no impression on me; it

had never occurred to me that I was like him; but I now sympathised with Saul, for my own dark hour was

but recently passed, and, perhaps, would soon return again; the dark hour came frequently on Saul.

Time wore away; I finished the book of Saul, and, closing the volume, returned it to its place. I then returned

to my seat on the stone, and thought of what I had read, and what I had lately undergone. All at once I

thought I felt wellknown sensations, a cramping of the breast, and a tingling of the soles of the feet; they

were what I had felt on the preceding day they were the forerunners of the fear. I sat motionless on my

stone, the sensations passed away, and the fear came not. Darkness was now coming again over the earth; the

dingle was again in deep shade; I roused the fire with the breath of the bellows, and sat looking at the

cheerful glow; it was cheering and comforting. My little horse came now and lay down on the ground beside

the forge; I was not quite deserted. I again ate some of the coarse food, and drank plentifully of the water

which I had fetched in the morning. I then put fresh fuel on the fire, and sat for a long time looking on the

I awoke, on my own calculation, about midnight it was pitch dark, and there was much fear upon me.

Free and independent I don't see why Oats A noise Unwelcome visitors What's the matter?

Goodday to ye The tall girl Dovrefeld Blow on the face Civil enough What's this? Vulgar

woman Hands off Gasping for breath Long Melford A pretty manoeuvre A long draught Signs of

Two mornings after the period to which I have brought the reader in the preceding chapter, I sat by my fire at

the bottom of the dingle; I had just breakfasted, and had finished the last morsel of food which I had brought

'What shall I now do?' said I to myself; 'shall I continue here, or decamp? this is a sad lonely spot perhaps

I had better quit it; but whither shall I go? the wide world is before me, but what can I do therein? I have been

in the world already without much success. No, I had better remain here; the place is lonely, it is true, but

here I am free and independent, and can do what I please; but I can't remain here without food. Well, I will

find my way to the nearest town, lay in a fresh supply of provision, and come back, turning my back upon the

world, which has turned its back upon me. I don't see why I should not write a little sometimes; I have pens

and an inkhorn, and for a writingdesk I can place the Bible on my knee. I shouldn't wonder if I could write

a capital satire on the world on the back of that Bible; but, first of all, I must think of supplying myself with

I rose up from the stone on which I was seated, determining to go to the nearest town, with my little horse

and cart, and procure what I wanted. The nearest town, according to my best calculation, lay about five miles

distant; I had no doubt, however, that, by using ordinary diligence, I should be back before evening. In order

to go lighter, I determined to leave my tent standing as it was, and all the things which I had purchased of the

tinker, just as they were. 'I need not be apprehensive on their account,' said I to myself; 'nobody will come

here to meddle with them the great recommendation of this place is its perfect solitude I daresay that I

could live here six months without seeing a single human visage. I will now harness my little gry and be off

At a whistle which I gave, the little gry, which was feeding on the bank near the uppermost part of the dingle,

came running to me, for by this time he had become so accustomed to me that he would obey my call, for all

the world as if he had been one of the canine species. 'Now,' said I to him, 'we are going to the town to buy

bread for myself and oats for you I am in a hurry to be back; therefore I pray you to do your best, and to

draw me and the cart to the town with all possible speed, and to bring us back; if you do your best, I promise

you oats on your return. You know the meaning of oats, Ambrol?' Ambrol whinnied as if to let me know that

he understood me perfectly well, as indeed he well might, as I had never once fed him during the time that he

had been in my possession without saying the word in question to him. Now, Ambrol, in the gypsy tongue,

So I caparisoned Ambrol, and then, going to the cart, I removed two or three things from it into the tent; I

then lifted up the shafts, and was just going to call to the pony to come and be fastened to them, when I

I stood stock still, supporting the shaft of the little cart in my hand, and bending the right side of my face

slightly towards the ground, but I could hear nothing; the noise which I thought I had heard was not one of

those sounds which I was accustomed to hear in that solitude the note of a bird, or the rustling of a bough; it

was there I heard it again, a sound very much resembling the grating of a wheel amongst gravel. Could it

proceed from the road? Oh no, the road was too far distant for me to hear the noise of anything moving along

it. Again I listened, and now I distinctly heard the sound of wheels, which seemed to be approaching the

dingle; nearer and nearer they drew, and presently the sound of wheels was blended with the murmur of

voices. Anon I heard a boisterous shout, which seemed to proceed from the entrance of the dingle. 'Here are

folks at hand,' said I, letting the shaft of the cart fall to the ground; 'is it possible that they can be coming

here?' My doubts on that point, if I entertained any, were soon dispelled; the wheels, which had ceased

moving for a moment or two, were once again in motion, and were now evidently moving down the winding

path which led to my retreat. Leaving my cart, I came forward and placed myself near the entrance of the

open space, with my eyes fixed on the path down which my unexpected, and I may say unwelcome, visitors

were coming. Presently I heard a stamping or sliding, as if of a horse in some difficulty; then a loud curse,

and the next moment appeared a man and a horse and cart; the former holding the head of the horse up to

prevent him from falling, of which he was in danger, owing to the precipitous nature of the path. Whilst thus

occupied, the head of the man was averted from me. When, however, he had reached the bottom of the

descent, he turned his head, and perceiving me, as I stood bareheaded, without either coat or waistcoat, about

two yards from him, he gave a sudden start, so violent that the backward motion of his hand had nearly flung

'Why don't you move forward?' said a voice from behind, apparently that of a female; 'you are stopping up

the way, and we shall be all down upon one another'; and I saw the head of another horse overtopping the

'Why don't you move forward, Jack?' said another voice, also a female, yet higher up the path.

The man stirred not, but remained staring at me in the posture which he had assumed on first perceiving me,

his body very much drawn back, his left foot far in advance of his right, and with his right hand still grasping

the halter of the horse, which gave way more and more, till it was clean down on its haunches.

'Get back with you, Belle, Moll,' said the man, still staring at me; 'here's something not over canny or

'What is it?' said the same voice; 'let me pass, Moll, and I'll soon clear the way'; and I heard a kind of rushing

'You need not be afraid,' said I, addressing myself to the man, 'I mean you no harm; I am a wanderer like

yourself come here to seek for shelter you need not be afraid; I am a Roman chabo by matriculation one

The man eyed me suspiciously for a moment then, turning to his horse with a loud curse, he pulled him up

from his haunches, and led him and the cart farther down to one side of the dingle, muttering, as he passed

I do not remember ever to have seen a more ruffianlylooking fellow; he was about six feet high, with an

immensely athletic frame; his face was black and bluff, and sported an immense pair of whiskers, but with

here and there a gray hair, for his age could not be much under fifty. He wore a faded blue frockcoat,

corduroys, and highlows; on his black head was a kind of red nightcap, round his bull neck a Barcelona

'Afraid!' growled the fellow, proceeding to unharness his horse; 'that was the word, I think.'

But other figures were now already upon the scene. Dashing past the other horse and cart, which by this time

had reached the bottom of the pass, appeared an exceedingly tall woman, or rather girl, for she could scarcely

have been above eighteen; she was dressed in a tight bodice and a blue stuff gown; hat, bonnet, or cap she

had none, and her hair, which was flaxen, hung down on her shoulders unconfined; her complexion was fair,

and her features handsome, with a determined but open expression she was followed by another female,

about forty, stout and vulgarlooking, at whom I scarcely glanced, my whole attention being absorbed by the

'Afraid at what at that lad? why, he looks like a ghost I would engage to thrash him with one hand.'

'You might beat me with no hands at all,' said I, 'fair damsel, only by looking at me I never saw such a face

and figure, both regal why, you look like Ingeborg, Queen of Norway; she had twelve brothers, you know,

On Dovrefeld in Norway Were once together seen The twelve heroic brothers Of Ingeborg the queen.'

'None of your chaffing, young fellow,' said the tall girl, 'or I will give you what shall make you wipe your

'Well, perhaps I was a peg too high,' said I; 'I ask your pardon here's something a bit lower:

None of your Rommany chies, young fellow,' said the tall girl, looking more menacingly than before, and

clenching her fist; 'you had better be civil, I am none of your chies; and though I keep company with gypsies,

or, to speak more proper, halfandhalfs, I would have you to know that I come of Christian blood and

'I have no doubt,' said I, 'that it was a great house; judging from your size I shouldn't wonder if you were born

'Stay, Belle,' said the man, putting himself before the young virago, who was about to rush upon me, 'my turn

is first' then, advancing to me in a menacing attitude, he said, with a look of deep malignity, '"Afraid," was

'It was,' said I, 'but I think I wronged you; I should have said, aghast; you exhibited every symptom of one

The fellow stared at me with a look of stupid ferocity, and appeared to be hesitating whether to strike or not:

ere he could make up his mind, the tall girl started forward, crying, 'He's chaffing; let me at him'; and before I

could put myself on my guard, she struck me a blow on the face which had nearly brought me to the ground.

'Enough,' said I, putting my hand to my cheek; 'you have now performed your promise, and made me wipe

'Grounds!' said the fellow; 'didn't you say I was afraid; and if you hadn't, who gave you leave to camp on my

'A pretty question,' said the fellow; 'as if all the world didn't know that. Do you know who I am?'

'I guess I do,' said I; 'unless I am much mistaken, you are he whom folks call the "Flaming Tinman." To tell

you the truth, I'm glad we have met, for I wished to see you. These are your two wives, I suppose; I greet

them. There's no harm done there's room enough here for all of us we shall soon be good friends, I

'I don't think he's chaffing now,' said the girl, whose anger seemed to have subsided on a sudden; 'the young

'Civil!' said the fellow, with an oath; 'but that's just like you; with you it is a blow, and all over. Civil! I

suppose you would have him stay here, and get into all my secrets, and hear all I may have to say to my two

'Two morts!' said the girl, kindling up, 'where are they? Speak for one, and no more. I am no mort of yours,

whatever some one else may be. I tell you one thing, Black John, or Anselo, for t'other ain't your name,

The fellow looked at the girl furiously, but his glance soon quailed before hers; he withdrew his eyes, and

cast them on my little horse, which was feeding amongst the trees. 'What's this?' said he, rushing forward and

seizing the animal. 'Why, as I am alive, this is the horse of that mumping villain Slingsby.'

'It's mine now,' said the fellow; 'I swore I would seize it the next time I found it on my beat; ay, and beat the

'Mind your eyes, Jack. There, you've got it. I thought so,' shouted the girl, as the fellow staggered back from a

'Never mind, Anselo. You know what to do go in,' said the vulgar woman, who had hitherto not spoken a

word, but who now came forward with all the look of a fury; 'go inapopli; you'll smash ten like he.'

The Flaming Tinman took her advice, and came in bent on smashing, but stopped short on receiving a

'You'll never beat the Flaming Tinman in that way,' said the girl, looking at me doubtfully.

And so I began to think myself, when, in the twinkling of an eye, the Flaming Tinman, disengaging himself

of his frockcoat, and dashing off his red nightcap, came rushing in more desperately than ever. To a flush

hit which he received in the mouth he paid as little attention as a wild bull would have done; in a moment his

arms were around me, and in another he had hurled me down, falling heavily upon me. The fellow's strength

'Pay him off now,' said the vulgar woman. The Flaming Tinman made no reply, but, planting his knee on my

breast, seized my throat with two huge horny hands. I gave myself up for dead, and probably should have

been so in another minute but for the tall girl, who caught hold of the handkerchief which the fellow wore

round his neck, with a grasp nearly as powerful us that with which he pressed my throat.

'Hands off, Belle,' said the other woman; 'do you call it fair play to interfere? hands off, or I'll be down upon

But Belle paid no heed to the injunction, and tugged so hard at the handkerchief that the Flaming Tinman was

nearly throttled; suddenly relinquishing his hold of me, he started on his feet, and aimed a blow at my fair

'Finish t'other business first, and then I'm your woman whenever you like; but finish it fairly no foul play

when I'm by I'll be the boy's second, and Moll can pick up you when he happens to knock you down.'

The battle during the next ten minutes raged with considerable fury, but it so happened that during this time I

was never able to knock the Flaming Tinman down, but on the contrary received six knockdown blows

myself. 'I can never stand this,' said I, as I sat on the knee of Belle, 'I am afraid I must give in; the Flaming

'Sure enough you'll never beat the Flaming Tinman in the way you fight it's of no use flipping at the

'Because I'm not handy with it,' said I; and then getting up, I once more confronted the Flaming Tinman, and

struck him six blows for his one, but they were all lefthanded blows, and the blow which the Flaming

'Why, this long right of yours,' said Belle, feeling my right arm; 'if you do, I shouldn't wonder if you yet stand

a chance.' And now the Flaming Tinman was once more ready, much more ready than myself. I, however,

rose from my second's knee as well as my weakness would permit me. On he came, striking left and right,

appearing almost as fresh as to wind and spirit as when he first commenced the combat, though his eyes were

considerably swelled, and his nether lip was cut in two; on he came, striking left and right, and I did not like

his blows at all, or even the wind of them, which was anything but agreeable, and I gave way before him. At

last he aimed a blow which, had it taken full effect, would doubtless have ended the battle, but owing to his

slipping, the fist only grazed my left shoulder, and came with terrific force against a tree, close to which I had

been driven; before the Tinman could recover himself, I collected all my strength, and struck him beneath the

ear, and then fell to the ground completely exhausted; and it so happened that the blow which I struck the

'Hurrah for Long Melford!' I heard Belle exclaim; 'there is nothing like Long Melford for shortness, all the

world over.' At these words I turned round my head as I lay, and perceived the Flaming Tinman stretched

upon the ground apparently senseless. 'He is dead,' said the vulgar woman, as she vainly endeavoured to raise

him up; 'he is dead; the best man in all the north country, killed in this fashion, by a boy!' Alarmed at these

words, I made shift to get on my feet; and, with the assistance of the woman, placed my fallen adversary in a

sitting posture. I put my hand to his heart, and felt a slight pulsation 'He's not dead,' said I, 'only stunned; if

he were let blood, he would recover presently.' I produced a penknife which I had in my pocket, and, baring

the arm of the Tinman, was about to make the necessary incision, when the woman gave me a violent blow,

and, pushing me aside, exclaimed, 'I'll tear the eyes out of your head if you offer to touch him. Do you want

to complete your work, and murder him outright, now he's asleep? you have had enough of his blood already.'

'You are mad,' said I, 'I only seek to do him service. Well, if you won't let him be blooded, fetch some water

'A pretty manoeuvre!' said the woman; 'leave my husband in the hands of you and that limmer, who has never

been true to us I should find him strangled or his throat cut when I came back.' 'Do you go,' said I to the tall

girl; 'take the can and fetch some water from the pit.' 'You had better go yourself,' said the girl, wiping a tear

as she looked on the yet senseless form of the Tinker; 'you had better go yourself, if you think water will do

him good.' I had by this time somewhat recovered my exhausted powers, and, taking the can, I bent my steps

as fast as I could to the pit; arriving there, I lay down on the brink, took a long draught, and then plunged my

head into the water; after which I filled the can, and bent my way back to the dingle. Before I could reach the

path which led down into its depths, I had to pass some way along its side; I had arrived at a part immediately

over the scene of the last encounter, where the bank, overgrown with trees, sloped precipitously down. Here I

heard a loud sound of voices in the dingle; I stopped, and laying hold of a tree, leaned over the bank and

listened. The two women appeared to be in hot dispute in the dingle. 'It was all owing to you, you limmer,'

said the vulgar woman to the other; 'had you not interfered, the old man would soon have settled the boy.'

'I'm for fair play and Long Melford,' said the other. 'If your old man, as you call him, could have settled the

boy fairly, he might for all I should have cared, but no foul work for me, and as for sticking the boy with our

gulleys when he comes back, as you proposed, I am not so fond of your old man or you that I should oblige

you in it, to my soul's destruction.' 'Hold your tongue, or I'll ' I listened no farther, but hastened as fast as I

could to the dingle. My adversary had just begun to show signs of animation; the vulgar woman was still

supporting him, and occasionally cast glances of anger at the tall girl, who was walking slowly up and down.

I lost no time in dashing the greater part of the water into the Tinman's face, whereupon he sneezed, moved

his hands, and presently looked round him. At first his looks were dull and heavy, and without any

intelligence at all; he soon, however, began to recollect himself, and to be conscious of his situation; he cast a

scowling glance at me, then one of the deepest malignity at the tall girl, who was still walking about without

taking much notice of what was going forward. At last he looked at his right hand, which had evidently

suffered from the blow against the tree, and a halfstifled curse escaped his lips. The vulgar woman now said

something to him in a low tone, whereupon he looked at her for a moment, and then got upon his legs. Again

the vulgar woman said something to him; her looks were furious, and she appeared to be urging him on to

attempt something. I observed that she had a clasped knife in her hand. The fellow remained standing for

some time as if hesitating what to do; at last he looked at his hand, and, shaking his head, said something to

the woman which I did not understand. The tall girl, however, appeared to overhear him, and, probably

repeating his words, said, 'No, it won't do; you are right there; and now hear what I have to say, let bygones

be bygones, and let us all shake hands, and camp here, as the young man was saying just now.' The man

looked at her, and then, without any reply, went to his horse, which was lying down among the trees, and

kicking it up, led it to the cart, to which he forthwith began to harness it. The other cart and horse had

remained standing motionless during the whole affair which I have been recounting, at the bottom of the pass.

The woman now took the horse by the head, and leading it with the cart into the open part of the dingle,

turned both round, and then led them back, till the horse and cart had mounted a little way up the ascent; she

then stood still and appeared to be expecting the man. During this proceeding Belle had stood looking on

without saying anything; at last, perceiving that the man had harnessed his horse to the other cart, and that

both he and the woman were about to take their departure, she said, 'You are not going, are you?' Receiving

no answer, she continued: 'I tell you what, both of you, Black John, and you Moll, his mort, this is not

treating me over civilly, however, I am ready to put up with it, and to go with you if you like, for I bear no

malice. I'm sorry for what has happened, but you have only yourselves to thank for it. Now, shall I go with

you, only tell me?' The man made no manner of reply, but flogged his horse. The woman, however, whose

passions were probably under less control, replied, with a screeching tone, 'Stay where you are, you jade, and

may the curse of Judas cling to you, stay with the bit of a mullo whom you helped, and my only hope is that

he may gulley you before he comes to be . . . . Have you with us, indeed! after what's past! no, nor nothing

belonging to you. Fetch down your mailia gocart and live here with your chabo.' She then whipped on the

horse, and ascended the pass, followed by the man. The carts were light, and they were not long in ascending

the winding path. I followed to see that they took their departure. Arriving at the top, I found near the

entrance a small donkeycart, which I concluded belonged to the girl. The tinker and his mort were already at

some distance; I stood looking after them for a little time, then taking the donkey by the reins I led it with the

cart to the bottom of the dingle. Arrived there, I found Belle seated on the stone by the fireplace. Her hair was

'They were bad people,' said she, 'and I did not like them, but they were my only acquaintance in the wide

At tea Vapours Isopel Berners Softly and kindly Sweet pretty creature Bread and water Two

IN the evening of that same day the tall girl and I sat at tea by the fire, at the bottom of the dingle; the girl on

The water which served for the tea had been taken from a spring of pellucid water in the neighbourhood,

which I had not had the good fortune to discover, though it was well known to my companion, and to the

'This tea is very good,' said I, 'but I cannot enjoy it as much as if I were well: I feel very sadly.'

'How else should you feel,' said the girl, 'after fighting with the Flaming Tinman? All I wonder at is that you

can feel at all! As for the tea, it ought to be good, seeing that it cost me ten shillings a pound.'

'In my station! I'd have you to know, young man however, I haven't the heart to quarrel with you, you look

so ill; and after all, it is a good sum for one to pay who travels the roads; but if I must have tea, I like to have

the best; and tea I must have, for I am used to it, though I can't help thinking that it sometimes fills my head

'Dear me,' said I, 'I should never have thought that one of your size and fierceness would weep and cry!'

'My size and fierceness! I tell you what, young man, you are not over civil this evening; but you are ill, as I

said before, and I shan't take much notice of your language, at least for the present; as for my size, I am not so

much bigger than yourself; and as for being fierce, you should be the last one to fling that at me. It is well for

you that I can be fierce sometimes. If I hadn't taken your part against Blazing Bosville, you wouldn't be now

'It is true that you struck me in the face first; but we'll let that pass. So that man's name is Bosville; what's

'I say, young man, you seem fond of asking questions: will you have another cup of tea?'

'Well, then, here it is, and much good may it do you; as for my name, I got it from my mother.'

'Is it the fashion, then, in your country for children to bear their mother's name?'

'If you ask such questions, young man, I shall be angry with you. I have told you my name, and, whether my

'There you are right, young man. The chaplain in the great house where I was born told me it was a noble

name; it was odd enough, he said, that the only three noble names in the county were to be found in the great

'Yes, young man; and as you now speak softly and kindly, I will tell you my whole tale. My father was an

officer of the sea, and was killed at sea as he was coming home to marry my mother, Isopel Berners. He had

been acquainted with her, and had left her; but after a few months he wrote her a letter, to say that he had no

rest, and that he repented, and that as soon as his ship came to port he would do her all the reparation in his

power. Well, young man, the very day before they reached port they met the enemy, and there was a fight,

and my father was killed, after he had struck down six of the enemy's crew on their own deck; for my father

was a big man, as I have heard, and knew tolerably well how to use his hands, And when my mother heard

the news, she became half distracted, and ran away into the fields and forests, totally neglecting her business,

for she was a small milliner; and so she ran demented about the meads and forests for a long time, now sitting

under a tree, and now by the side of a river at last she flung herself into some water, and would have been

drowned, had not some one been at hand and rescued her, whereupon she was conveyed to the great house,

lest she should attempt to do herself farther mischief, for she had neither friends nor parents and there she

died three months after, having first brought me into the world. She was a sweet pretty creature, I'm told, but

hardly fit for this world, being neither large, nor fierce, nor able to take her own part. So I was born and bred

in the great house, where I learnt to read and sew, to fear God, and to take my own part. When I was fourteen

I was put out to service to a small farmer and his wife, with whom, however, I did not stay long, for I was

halfstarved, and otherwise ill treated, especially by my mistress, who one day attempting to knock me down

with a besom, I knocked her down with my fist, and went back to the great house.'

'Not very kindly, young man on the contrary, I was put into a dark room, where I was kept a fortnight on

bread and water; I did not much care, however, being glad to have got back to the great house at any rate

the place where I was born, and where my poor mother died; and in the great house I continued two years

longer, reading and sewing, fearing God, and taking my own part when necessary. At the end of the two years

I was again put out to service, but this time to a rich farmer and his wife, with whom, however, I did not live

long, less time, I believe, than with the poor ones, being obliged to leave for '

'No, young man, knocking my master down, who conducted himself improperly towards me. This time I did

not go back to the great house, having a misgiving that they would not receive me; so I turned my back to the

great house where I was born, and where my poor mother died, and wandered for several days I know not

whither, supporting myself on a few halfpence which I chanced to have in my pocket. It happened one day, as

I sat under a hedge crying, having spent my last farthing, that a comfortablelooking elderly woman came up

in a cart, and seeing the state in which I was, she stopped and asked what was the matter with me; I told her

some part of my story, whereupon she said, 'Cheer up, my dear; if you like, you shall go with me, and wait

upon me.' Of course I wanted little persuasion, so I got into the cart and went with her. She took me to

London and various other places, and I soon found that she was a travelling woman, who went about the

country with silks and linen. I was of great use to her, more especially in those places where we met evil

company. Once, as we were coming from Dover, we were met by two sailors, who stopped our cart, and

would have robbed and stripped us. 'Let me get down,' said I; so I got down, and fought with them both, till

they turned round and ran away. Two years I lived with the old gentlewoman, who was very kind to me,

almost as kind as a mother; at last she fell sick at a place in Lincolnshire, and after a few days died, leaving

me her cart and stock in trade, praying me only to see her decently buried which I did, giving her a funeral

fit for a gentlewoman. After which I travelled the country melancholy enough for want of company, but so

far fortunate, that I could take my own part when anybody was uncivil to me. At last, passing through the

valley of Todmorden, I formed the acquaintance of Blazing Bosville and his wife, with whom I occasionally

took journeys for company's sake, for it is melancholy to travel about alone, even when one can take one's

own part. I soon found they were evil people; but, upon the whole, they treated me civilly, and I sometimes

lent them a little money, so that we got on tolerably well together. He and I, it is true, had once a dispute, and

nearly came to blows; for once, when we were alone, he wanted me to marry him, promising, if I would, to

turn off Grey Moll, or, if I liked it better, to make her wait upon me as a maid servant; I never liked him

much, but from that hour less than ever. Of the two, I believe Grey Moll to be the best, for she is at any rate

'Afraid, at what? At the Flaming Tinman? Don't be afraid of him. He won't come back, and if he did, he

shouldn't touch you in this state, I'd fight him for you; but he won't come back, so you needn't be afraid of

THE kitchen of the publichouse was a large one, and many people were drinking in it; there was a confused

I sat down on a bench behind a deal table, of which there were three or four in the kitchen; presently a bulky

man, in a green coat of the Newmarket cut, and without a hat, entered, and observing me, came up, and in

'Bring me a jug of ale,' said I, 'if you are the master, as I suppose you are, by that same coat of yours, and

'Don't be saucy, young fellow,' said the landlord, for such he was; 'don't be saucy, or ' Whatever he intended

to say he left unsaid, for fixing his eyes upon one of my hands, which I had placed by chance upon the table,

This was my left hand, which was raw and swollen, from the blows dealt on a certain hard skull in a recent

combat. 'What do you mean by staring at my hand so?' said I, withdrawing it from the table.

'No offence, young man, no offence,' said the landlord, in a quite altered tone; 'but the sight of your hand '

then observing that our conversation began to attract the notice of the guests in the kitchen, he interrupted

himself, saying in an undertone, 'But mum's the word for the present, I will go and fetch the ale.'

In about a minute he returned, with a jug of ale foaming high. 'Here's your health,' said he, blowing off the

foam, and drinking; but perceiving that I looked rather dissatisfied, he murmured, 'All's right, I glory in you;

but mum's the word.' Then, placing the jug on the table, he gave me a confidential nod, and swaggered out of

What can the silly impertinent fellow mean? thought I; but the ale was now before me, and I hastened to

drink, for my weakness was great, and my mind was full of dark thoughts, the remains of the indescribable

horror of the preceding night. It may kill me, thought I, as I drank deep but who cares? anything is better

than what I have suffered. I drank deep, and then leaned back against the wall: it appeared as if a vapour was

stealing up into my brain, gentle and benign, soothing and stifling the horror and the fear; higher and higher it

mounted, and I felt nearly overcome; but the sensation was delicious, compared with that I had lately

experienced, and now I felt myself nodding; and, bending down, I laid my head on the table on my folded

And in that attitude I remained some time, perfectly unconscious. At length, by degrees, perception returned,

and I lifted up my head. I felt somewhat dizzy and bewildered, but the dark shadow had withdrawn itself

from me. And now once more I drank of the jug; this second draught did not produce an overpowering effect

I looked around me; the kitchen had been deserted by the greater part of the guests; besides myself, only four

remained; these were seated at the farther end. One was haranguing fiercely and eagerly; he was abusing

England, and praising America. At last he exclaimed, 'So when I gets to New York, I will toss up my hat, and

A Radical Simplelooking man Church of England The President Aristocracy Gin and water

Mending the roads Persecuting Church Simon de Montfort Broken bells Get up Not for the Pope

Quay of New York Mumpers' Dingle No wish to fight First draught A poor pipe Halfacrown

THE individual whom I supposed to be a Radical, after a short pause, again uplifted his voice; he was rather a

strongbuilt fellow of about thirty, with an illfavoured countenance, a white hat on his head, a

snuffcoloured coat on his back, and when he was not speaking, a pipe in his mouth. 'Who would live in such

'There is no country like America,' said his nearest neighbour, a man also in a white hat, and of a very

illfavoured countenance 'there is no country like America,' said he, withdrawing a pipe from his mouth; 'I

think I shall ' and here he took a draught from a jug, the contents of which he appeared to have in common

'Poor old England is not such a bad country, after all,' said a third, a simplelooking man in a labouring dress,

who sat smoking a pipe without anything before him. 'If there was but a little more work to be got, I should

'You hope! who cares what you hope?' interrupted the first, in a savage tone; 'you are one of those sneaking

hounds who are satisfied with dogs' wages a bit of bread and a kick. Work, indeed! who, with the spirit of a

man, would work for a country where there is neither liberty of speech nor of action? a land full of beggarly

aristocracy, hungry boroughmongers, insolent parsons, and "their . . . wives and daughters," as William

'Ah, the Church of England has been a source of incalculable mischief to these realms,' said another.

The person who uttered these words sat rather aloof from the rest; he was dressed in a long black surtout. I

could not see much of his face, partly owing to his keeping it very much directed to the ground, and partly

owing to a large slouched hat which he wore; I observed, however, that his hair was of a reddish tinge. On the

'You are quite right,' said the first, alluding to what this last had said, 'the Church of England has done

incalculable mischief here. I value no religion three halfpence, for I believe in none; but the one that I hate

most is the Church of England; so when I get to New York, after I have shown the fine fellows on the quay a

spice of me, by . . . the King, I'll toss up my hat again, and . . . the Church of England too.'

These words drew upon me the attention of the whole four. The Radical and his companion stared at me

ferociously; the man in black gave me a peculiar glance from under his slouched hat; the simplelooking man

'What are you laughing at, you fool?' said the Radical, turning and looking at the other, who appeared to be

afraid of him; 'hold your noise; and a pretty fellow, you,' said he, looking at me, 'to come here, and speak

'I speak against the great American nation!' said I; 'I rather paid them a compliment.'

'By supposing they would put me in the stocks. Well, I call it abusing them, to suppose they would do any

such thing stocks, indeed! there are no stocks in all the land. Put me in the stocks! why, the President will

come down to the quay, and ask me to dinner, as soon as he hears what I have said about the King and

'I shouldn't wonder,' said I, 'if you go to America you will say of the President and country what now you say

The Radical dashed his pipe to pieces against the table. 'I tell you what, young fellow, you are a spy of the

'Kicking up a disturbance,' said I, 'is rather inconsistent with the office of spy. If I were a spy, I should hold

The man in black partially raised his head, and gave me another peculiar glance.

'Well, if you aren't sent to spy, you are sent to bully, to prevent people speaking, and to run down the great

American nation; but you shan't bully me. I say, down with the aristocracy, the beggarly British aristocracy.

'As soon as I can! I wish I could. But I can down with a bully of theirs. Come, will you fight for them?'

'No,' said I; 'though, from what I have seen of them, I should say they are tolerably able to fight for

'You won't fight for them,' said the Radical triumphantly; 'I thought so; all bullies, especially those of the

aristocracy, are cowards. Here, landlord,' said he, raising his voice, and striking against the table with the jug,

'Landlord, landlord,' shouted the Radical, striking the table with the jug louder than before. 'Who called?' said

the landlord, coming in at last. 'Fill this jug again,' said the other, 'and be quick about it.' 'Does any one else

want anything?' said the landlord. 'Yes,' said the man in black; 'you may bring me another glass of gin and

water.' 'Cold?' said the landlord. 'Yes,' said the man in black, 'with a lump of sugar in it.'

'Gin and water cold, with a lump of sugar in it,' said I, and struck the table with my fist.

'Not he,' said the Radical. 'He's only shamming; he knows his master is here, and therefore has recourse to

these manoeuvres, but it won't do. Come, landlord, what are you staring at? Why don't you obey your orders?

Keeping your customers waiting in this manner is not the way to increase your business.'

The landlord looked at the Radical, and then at me. At last, taking the jug and glass, he left the apartment, and

presently returned with each filled with its respective liquor. He placed the jug with beer before the Radical,

and the glass with the gin and water before the man in black, and then, with a wink to me, he sauntered out.

'Here is your health, sir,' said the man of the snuffcoloured coat, addressing himself to the one in black; 'I

honour you for what you said about the Church of England. Every one who speaks against the Church of

England has my warm heart. Down with it, I say, and may the stones of it be used for mending the roads, as

The man in black, with a courteous nod of his head, drank to the man in the snuffcoloured coat. 'With

respect to the steeples,' said he, 'I am not altogether of your opinion; they might be turned to better account

than to serve to mend the roads; they might still be used as places of worship, but not for the worship of the

Church of England. I have no fault to find with the steeples, it is the Church itself which I am compelled to

arraign; but it will not stand long, the respectable part of its ministers are already leaving it. It is a bad

The man in black glanced at me slightly, and then replied slowly, 'The Catholics.'

'He! he!' tittered the man in black; 'there is not a word of truth in Foxe's BOOK OF MARTYRS.'

'And what say you to the Massacre of the Albigenses and the Vaudois, "whose bones lie scattered on the cold

'Go to,' said I; 'it is because the Church of England is not a persecuting church, that those whom you call the

respectable part are leaving her; it is because they can't do with the poor Dissenters what Simon de Montfort

did with the Albigenses, and the cruel Piedmontese with the Vaudois, that they turn to bloody Rome; the

Pope will no doubt welcome them, for the Pope, do you see, being very much in want, will welcome '

'Hollo!' said the Radical, interfering, 'what are you saying about the Pope? I say, hurrah for the Pope; I value

no religion three halfpence, as I said before, but if I were to adopt any, it should be the Popish as it's called,

because I conceives the Popish to be the grand enemy of the Church of England, of the beggarly aristocracy,

and the boroughmonger system, so I won't hear the Pope abused while I am by. Come, don't look fierce.

You won't fight, you know, I have proved it; but I will give you another chance I will fight for the Pope,

'Oh dear me, yes,' said I, getting up and stepping forward. 'I am a quiet peaceable young man, and, being so,

am always ready to fight against the Pope the enemy of all peace and quiet; to refuse fighting for the

aristocracy is a widely different thing from refusing to fight against the Pope; so come on, if you are disposed

to fight for him. To the Pope broken bells, to Saint James broken shells. No Popish vile oppression, but the

Protestant succession. Confusion to the Groyne, hurrah for the Boyne, for the army at Clonmel, and the

'Amongst that family,' said I, 'no doubt, something may be done, but amongst the Methodist preachers I

'However,' said I, 'we shall see what the grand movement will bring about, and the results of the lessons in

The man in black lifted the glass up to his mouth, and, in doing so, let the spoon fall.

'But what has this to do with the main question?' said I; 'I am waiting here to fight against the Pope.'

'Come, Hunter,' said the companion of the man in the snuff coloured coat, 'get up, and fight for the Pope.'

'So much the better for you,' said the other, 'the present work will be all the easier for you, get up, and serve

'Who told you to interfere?' said the Radical, turning ferociously towards the simplelooking man; 'say

another word and I'll ' 'And you!' said he, addressing himself to the man in black, 'a pretty fellow you to

turn against me, after I had taken your part. I tell you what, you may fight for yourself. I'll see you and your

Pope in the pit of Eldon before I fight for either of you, so make the most of it.'

'Dear me!' said I, 'not fight for the Pope, whose religion you would turn to, if you were inclined for any. I see

how it is, you are not fond of fighting; but I'll give you another chance you were abusing the Church of

'Come, Hunter,' said the other, 'get up, and fight against the Church of England.'

'I have no particular quarrel against the Church of England,' said the man in the snuffcoloured coat, 'my

quarrel is with the aristocracy. If I said anything against the Church, it was merely for a bit of corollary, as

Master William Cobbett would say; the quarrel with the Church belongs to this fellow in black, so let him

carry it on. However,' he continued suddenly, 'I won't slink from the matter either; it shall never be said by

the fine fellows on the quay of New York that I wouldn't fight against the Church of England. So down with

the beggarly aristocracy, the Church, and the Pope to the bottom of the pit of Eldon, and may the Pope fall

Thereupon, dashing his hat on the table, he placed himself in an attitude of offence and rushed forward. He

was, as I have said before, a powerful fellow, and might have proved a dangerous antagonist, more especially

to myself, who, after my recent encounter with the Flaming Tinman, and my wrestlings with the evil one, was

in anything but fighting order. Any collision, however, was prevented by the landlord, who, suddenly

appearing, thrust himself between us. 'There shall be no fighting here,' said he; 'no one shall fight in this

house, except it be with myself; so if you two have anything to say to each other, you had better go into the

field behind the house. But, you fool,' said he, pushing Hunter violently on the breast, 'do you know whom

you are going to tackle with? this is the young chap that beat Blazing Bosville, only as late as yesterday, in

Mumpers' Dingle. Grey Moll told me all about it last night, when she came for some brandy for her husband,

who, she said, had been half killed; and she described the young man to me so closely that I knew him at

once, that is, as soon as I saw how his left hand was bruised, for she told me he was a lefthand hitter. Aren't

it all true, young man? Aren't you he that beat Flaming Bosville, in Mumpers' Dingle?' 'I never beat Flaming

Bosville,' said I, 'he beat himself. Had he not struck his hand against a tree, I shouldn't be here at the present

moment.' 'Hear, hear!' said the landlord, 'now that's just as it should be; I like a modest man, for, as the parson

says, nothing sits better upon a young man than modesty. I remember, when I was young, fighting with Tom

of Hopton, the best man that ever pulled off coat in England. I remember, too, that I won the battle; for I

happened to hit Tom of Hopton in the mark, as he was coming in, so that he lost his wind, and falling squelch

on the ground, do ye see, he lost the battle, though I am free to confess that he was a better man than myself;

indeed, the best man that ever fought in England; yet still, I won the battle, as every customer of mine, and

everybody within twelve miles round, has heard over and over again. Now, Mr. Hunter, I have one thing to

say, if you choose to go into the field behind the house, and fight the young man, you can. I'll back him for

ten pounds; but no fighting in my kitchen because why? I keeps a decent kind of an establishment.'

'I have no wish to fight the young man,' said Hunter; 'more especially as he has nothing to say for the

aristocracy. If he chose to fight for them, indeed but he won't, I know; for I see he's a decent, respectable

young man; and, after all, fighting is a blackguard way of settling a dispute; so I have no wish to fight;

however, there is one thing I'll do,' said he, uplifting his fist, 'I'll fight this fellow in black here for half a

crown, or for nothing, if he pleases; it was he that got up the last dispute between me and the young man,

with his Pope and his nonsense; so I will fight him for anything he pleases, and perhaps the young man will

'Come, Doctor,' said the landlord, 'or whatsoever you be, will you go into the field with Hunter? I'll second

you, only you must back yourself. I'll lay five pounds on Hunter, if you are inclined to back yourself; and will

help you to win it as far, do you see, as a second can; because why? I always likes to do the fair thing.'

'Oh, I have no wish to fight,' said the man in black, hastily; 'fighting is not my trade. If I have given any

'Nothing at all,' said the landlord; 'glad to see you. This is the first time that you have been at my house, and I

never charge new customers, at least customers such as you, anything for the first draught. You'll come again,

I daresay; shall always be glad to see you. I won't take it,' said he, as I put sixpence on the table; 'I won't take

'Yes, you shall,' said I; 'but not in payment for anything I have had myself: it shall serve to pay for a jug of ale

for that gentleman,' said I, pointing to the simplelooking individual; 'he is smoking a poor pipe. I do not

'Bravo!' said Hunter. 'I shall be happy to drink with the young man whenever I meet him at New York, where,

'If I have given offence to anybody,' said the man in black, 'I repeat that I ask pardon, more especially to the

young gentleman, who was perfectly right to stand up for his religion, just as I not that I am of any

particular religion, no more than this honest gentleman here,' bowing to Hunter; 'but I happen to know

something of the Catholics several excellent friends of mine are Catholics and of a surety the Catholic

religion is an ancient religion, and a widelyextended religion, though it certainly is not a universal religion,

but it has of late made considerable progress, even amongst those nations who have been particularly opposed

to it amongst the Prussians and the Dutch, for example, to say nothing of the English; and then, in the East,

'Have you anything to say about those people, sir?' said the man in black, lifting up his glass to his mouth.

'I have nothing further to say,' said I, 'than that the roots of Ararat are occasionally found to be deeper than

'There's halfacrown broke,' said the landlord, as the man in black let fall the glass, which was broken to

pieces on the floor. 'You will pay me the damage, friend, before you leave this kitchen. I like to see people

drink freely in my kitchen, but not too freely, and I hate breakages; because why? I keeps a decent kind of an

Promiscuous company Language of the roads The old women Numerals The man in black.

THE publichouse where the scenes which I have attempted to describe in the preceding chapters took place,

was at the distance of about two miles from the dingle. The sun was sinking in the west by the time I returned

to the latter spot. I found Belle seated by a fire, over which her kettle was suspended. During my absence she

had prepared herself a kind of tent, consisting of large hoops covered over with tarpaulins, quite impenetrable

to rain, however violent. 'I am glad you are returned,' said she, as soon as she perceived me; 'I began to be

'Yes,' said I; 'I went to the publichouse and drank ale, as you advised me; it cheered, strengthened, and drove

'I knew it would do you good,' said Belle; 'I remembered that when the poor women in the great house were

afflicted with hysterics, and fearful imaginings, the surgeon, who was a good kind man, used to say, "Ale,

'He had no objection to tea; but he used to say, "Everything in its season." Shall we take ours now? I have

'I have no objection,' said I; 'I feel rather heated, and at present should prefer tea to ale "Everything in its

Thereupon Belle prepared tea, and, as we were taking it, she said 'What did you see and hear at the

'Really,' said I, 'you appear to have your full portion of curiosity; what matters it to you what I saw and heard

'It matters very little to me,' said Belle; 'I merely inquired of you, for the sake of a little conversation you

were silent, and it is uncomfortable for two people to sit together without opening their lips at least I think

'One only feels uncomfortable,' said I, 'in being silent, when one happens to be thinking of the individual with

whom one is in company. To tell you the truth, I was not thinking of my companion, but of certain company

'Really, young man,' said Belle, 'you are not over complimentary; but who may this wonderful company have

'No,' said I, 'there was no young person if person you were going to say. There was a big portly landlord,

whom I daresay you have seen; a noisy savage Radical, who wanted at first to fasten upon me a quarrel about

America, but who subsequently drew in his horns; then there was a strange fellow, a prowling priest, I

believe, whom I have frequently heard of, who at first seemed disposed to side with the Radical against me,

and afterwards with me against the Radical. There, you know my company, and what took place.'

'You are mighty curious,' said I. 'No, none else, except a poor simple mechanic, and some common company,

Belle looked at me for a moment, and then appeared to be lost in thought 'America!' said she, musingly

'I daresay it is,' said I; 'I have heard my father say that the Americans are firstrate marksmen.'

'I heard nothing about that,' said Belle; 'what I heard was, that it is a great and goodly land, where people can

walk about without jostling, and where the industrious can always find bread; I have frequently thought of

'Well,' said I, 'the Radical in the publichouse will perhaps be glad of your company thither; he is as great an

'I shall go by myself,' said Belle, 'unless unless that should happen which is not likely I am not fond of

'I don't wish to say you are,' said Belle; 'but some of your words sound strangely like scoffing and mocking. I

have now one thing to beg, which is, that if you have anything to say against America, you would speak it out

'Many people speak in praise of America who never were there; but with respect to myself, I have not spoken

'Why, I have heard my father say that the American marksmen, led on by a chap of the name of Washington,

I took another cup; we were again silent. 'It is rather uncomfortable,' said I, at last, 'for people to sit together

'The present company! oh, ah I remember that I said one only feels uncomfortable in being silent with a

companion, when one happens to be thinking of the companion. Well, I had been thinking of you the last two

or three minutes, and had just come to the conclusion that, to prevent us both feeling occasionally

uncomfortably towards each other, having nothing to say, it would be as well to have a standing subject on

which to employ our tongues. Belle, I have determined to give you lessons in Armenian.'

'Yes, that was the place where the ark rested; I have heard the chaplain in the great house talk of it; besides, I

'Well, Armenian is the speech of people of that place, and I should like to teach it you.'

'Ay, ay, to prevent our occasionally feeling uncomfortable together. Your acquiring it besides might prove of

ulterior advantage to us both; for example, suppose you and I were in promiscuous company, at Court, for

example, and you had something to communicate to me which you did not wish any one else to be acquainted

'In some places it would,' said I, 'but not at Court, owing to its resemblance to thieves' slang. There is

Hebrew, again, which I was thinking of teaching you, till the idea of being presented at Court made me

abandon it, from the probability of our being understood, in the event of our speaking it, by at least half a

dozen people in our vicinity. There is Latin, it is true, or Greek, which we might speak aloud at Court with

perfect confidence of safety, but upon the whole I should prefer teaching you Armenian, not because it would

be a safer language to hold communication with at Court, but because, not being very well grounded in it

myself, I am apprehensive that its words and forms may escape from my recollection, unless I have

'I am afraid we shall have to part company before I have learnt it,' said Belle; 'in the meantime, if I wish to

say anything to you in private, somebody being by, shall I speak in the language of the roads?'

'If no roadster is nigh you may,' said I, 'and I will do my best to understand you. Belle, I will now give you a

'Not in the least; I merely propose the thing to prevent our occasionally feeling uncomfortable together. Let

'Stop till I have removed the tea things,' said Belle; and, getting up, she removed them to her own

'I am ready,' said Belle, returning, and taking her former seat, 'to join with you in anything which will serve to

'Belle,' said I, 'I have determined to commence the course of Armenian lessons by teaching you the numerals;

but, before I do that, it will be as well to tell you that the Armenian language is called Haik.'

'Because the old women in the great house used to call so the chimneyhook, on which they hung the kettle;

'Good!' said I, 'you will make an apt scholar; but mind that I did not say hake, but haik; the words are,

however, very much alike; and, as you observe, upon your hake you may hang my haik. We will now proceed

' I will repeat them again,' said I, 'and pay greater attention. Now, try again.'

'I neither said jergo nor earache. I said yergou and yerek. Belle, I am afraid I shall have some difficulty with

Belle made no answer. Her eyes were turned in the direction of the winding path which led from the bottom

of the hollow, where we were seated, to the plain above. 'Gorgio shunella,' she said at length, in a low voice.

'I will soon see who it is,' said I; and starting up, I rushed towards the pathway, intending to lay violent hands

on any one I might find lurking in its windings. Before, however, I had reached its commencement, a man,

somewhat above the middle height, advanced from it into the dingle, in whom I recognised the man in black

Buona sera Rather apprehensive The steep bank Lovely virgin Hospitality Tory minister Custom

of the country Sneering smile Wandering Zigan Gypsies' cloaks Certain faculty Acute answer

THE man in black and myself stood opposite to each other for a minute or two in silence; I will not say that

we confronted each other that time, for the man in black, after a furtive glance, did not look me in the face,

but kept his eyes fixed apparently on the leaves of a bunch of groundnuts which were growing at my feet.

At length, looking around the dingle, he exclaimed, 'Buona sera, I hope I don't intrude.'

'You have as much right here,' said I, 'as I or my companion; but you had no right to stand listening to our

'I was not listening,' said the man, 'I was hesitating whether to advance or retire; and if I heard some of your

'I do not see why you should have hesitated if your intentions were good,' said I.

'I think the kind of place in which I found myself might excuse some hesitation,' said the man in black,

looking around; 'moreover, from what I had seen of your demeanour at the publichouse, I was rather

apprehensive that the reception I might experience at your hands might be more rough than agreeable.'

'Why do you speak to me in that gibberish,' said I; 'do you think I understand it?'

'It is not Armenian,' said the man in black; 'but it might serve, in a place like this, for the breathing of a little

secret communication, were any common roadster near at hand. It would not do at Court, it is true, being the

language of singing women, and the like; but we are not at Court when we are, I can perhaps summon up a

little indifferent Latin, if I have anything private to communicate to the learned Professor.'

And at the conclusion of this speech the man in black lifted up his head, and, for some moments, looked me

in the face. The muscles of his own seemed to be slightly convulsed, and his mouth opened in a singular

'I see,' said I, 'that for some time you were standing near me and my companion, in the mean act of listening.'

'Not at all,' said the man in black; 'I heard from the steep bank above, that to which I have now alluded, whilst

I was puzzling myself to find the path which leads to your retreat. I made, indeed, nearly the compass of the

'The landlord of the publichouse, with whom I had some conversation concerning you, informed me that he

had no doubt I should find you in this place, to which he gave me instructions not very clear. But, now I am

here, I crave permission to remain a little time, in order that I may hold some communion with you.'

Thereupon I conducted the man in black to the fireplace, where Belle was standing, who had risen from her

stool on my springing up to go in quest of the stranger. The man in black looked at her with evident curiosity,

then making her rather a graceful bow, 'Lovely virgin,' said he, stretching out his hand, 'allow me to salute

'I did not presume to request to shake hands with you,' said the man in black, 'I merely wished to be permitted

'I never permit anything of the kind,' said Belle; ' I do not approve of such unmanly ways, they are only

befitting those who lurk in corners or behind trees, listening to the conversation of people who would fain be

'Ay, indeed I do,' said Belle; 'the young man may receive your excuses, and put confidence in them, if he

please, but for my part I neither admit them nor believe them;' and thereupon flinging her long hair back,

'Come, Belle,' said I, 'I have bidden the gentleman welcome, I beseech you, therefore, to make him welcome;

he is a stranger, where we are at home, therefore, even did we wish him away, we are bound to treat him

'They do so,' said the man in black; 'they are proud of showing hospitality to people above them, that is, to

those who do not want it, but of the hospitality which you were now describing, and which is Arabian, they

know nothing. No Englishman will tolerate another in his house, from whom he does not expect advantage of

some kind, and to those from whom he does he can be civil enough. An Englishman thinks that, because he is

in his own house, he has a right to be boorish and brutal to any one who is disagreeable to him, as all those

are who are really in want of assistance. Should a hunted fugitive rush into an Englishman's house,

beseeching protection, and appealing to the master's feelings of hospitality, the Englishman would knock him

'You are too general,' said I, 'in your strictures. Lord , the unpopular Tory minister, was once chased through

the streets of London by a mob, and, being in danger of his life, took shelter in the shop of a Whig

linendraper, declaring his own unpopular name, and appealing to the linendraper's feelings of hospitality;

whereupon the linendraper, utterly forgetful of all party rancour, nobly responded to the appeal, and telling

his wife to conduct his lordship upstairs, jumped over the counter, with his ell in his hand, and placing

himself with halfadozen of his assistants at the door of his boutique, manfully confronted the mob, telling

them that he would allow himself to be torn to a thousand pieces ere he would permit them to injure a hair of

'Well,' said I, 'I am afraid your own practice is not very different from that which you have been just now

describing; you sided with the Radical in the publichouse against me, as long as you thought him the most

powerful, and then turned against him when you saw he was cowed. What have you to say to that?'

'Oh, when one is in Rome, I mean England, one must do as they do in England; I was merely conforming to

the custom of the country, he! he! but I beg your pardon here, as I did in the publichouse. I made a mistake.'

'Well,' said I, 'we will drop the matter, but pray seat yourself on that stone, and I will sit down on the grass

The man in black, after proffering two or three excuses for occupying what he supposed to be my seat, sat

down upon the stone, and I squatted down, gypsyfashion, just opposite to him, Belle sitting on her stool at a

slight distance on my right. After a time I addressed him thus: 'Am I to reckon this a mere visit of ceremony?

should it prove so, it will be, I believe, the first visit of the kind ever paid me.'

'Will you permit me to ask,' said the man in black 'the weather is very warm,' said he, interrupting himself,

I now observed that he was partly bald, his red hair having died away from the fore part of his crown his

forehead was high, his eyebrows scanty, his eyes gray and sly, with a downward tendency, his nose was

slightly aquiline, his mouth rather large a kind of sneering smile played continually on his lips, his

'A bad countenance,' said Belle, in the language of the roads, observing that my eyes were fixed on his face.

'Does not my countenance please you, fair damsel?' said the man in black, resuming his hat, and speaking in a

'As little as I do Armenian,' said the man in black; 'but I understand look and tone.'

'So do I, perhaps,' retorted Belle; 'and, to tell you the truth, I like your tone as little as your face.'

'For shame,' said I; 'have you forgot what I was saying just now about the duties of hospitality? You have not

yet answered my question,' said I, addressing myself to the man, 'with respect to your visit.'

'But you seem to have been acquainted with various individuals with whom I have likewise had acquaintance;

and you have even alluded to matters, and even words, which have passed between me and them.'

'Well,' said I, 'there's my forge, and yonder is some iron, though not old, and by your own confession I am a

'Oh,' said I, 'if you want me to reveal the secrets of my trade, I have, of course, nothing further to say. Go to

'Why scarlet?' said the man in black. 'Is it because gypsies blush like scarlet?'

'But for that same lesson in Armenian, and your general knowledge of languages; as for your manners and

'Because the gypsy race is perfectly illiterate,' said the man in black; 'they are possessed, it is true, of a

knavish acuteness, and are particularly noted for giving subtle and evasive answers and in your answers, I

confess, you remind me of them; but that one of the race should acquire a learned language like the

Armenian, and have a general knowledge of literature, is a thing che io non credo afatto.'

'Why,' said the man in black, 'I should consider you to be a philologist, who, for some purpose, has taken up a

gypsy life; but I confess to you that your way of answering questions is far too acute for a philologist.'

'Because the philological race is the most stupid under heaven,' said the man in black; 'they are possessed, it

is true, of a certain faculty for picking up words, and a memory for retaining them; but that any one of the

sect should be able to give a rational answer, to say nothing of an acute one, on any subject even though the

'And you heard me give what you are disposed to call acute answers to the questions you asked me?'

'And would any one but a philologist think of giving a lesson in Armenian to a handmaid in a dingle?

'Well, then, don't you see that it is possible for a philologist to give not only a rational, but an acute answer?'

'Well,' said the man in black, rising, 'puzzled or not, I will no longer trespass upon your and this young lady's

'No apology is necessary,' said I; 'will you please to take anything before you go? I think this young lady, at

'Tea!' said the man in black; 'he! he! I don't drink tea; I don't like it if, indeed, you had,' and here he

'There's nothing like gin and water, is there?' said I, 'but I am sorry to say I have none.'

'Gin and water,' said the man in black, 'how do you know that I am fond of gin and water?'

'You did,' said the man in black, 'and I remember that, when I called for some you repeated my words

'With all your knowledge,' said the man in black, 'you do not appear to have known that I was coming to visit

'Gypsies do not pretend to know anything which relates to themselves,' said I; 'but I advise you, if you ever

'Belle,' said I, after the man in black had departed, 'we did not treat that man very hospitably; he left us

'You offered him some tea,' said Belle, 'which, as it is mine, I should have grudged him, for I like him not.'

'Our liking or disliking him had nothing to do with the matter, he was our visitor, and ought not to have been

permitted to depart dry; living as we do in this desert, we ought always to be prepared to administer to the

'I will have no buts. Belle, I expect that with as little delay as possible you procure, at my expense, the best

TIME passed on, and Belle and I lived in the dingle; when I say lived, the reader must not imagine that we

were always there. She went out upon her pursuits, and I went out where inclination led me; but my

excursions were very short ones, and hers occasionally occupied whole days and nights. If I am asked how

we passed the time when we were together in the dingle, I would answer that we passed the time very

tolerably, all things considered; we conversed together, and when tired of conversing I would sometimes give

Belle a lesson in Armenian; her progress was not particularly brilliant, but upon the whole satisfactory; in

about a fortnight she had hung up one hundred Haikan numerals upon the hake of her memory. I found her

conversation highly entertaining; she had seen much of England and Wales, and had been acquainted with

some of the most remarkable characters who travelled the roads at that period; and let me be permitted to say

that many remarkable characters have travelled the roads of England, of whom fame has never said a word. I

loved to hear her anecdotes of these people; some of whom I found had occasionally attempted to lay violent

hands either upon her person or effects, and had invariably been humbled by her without the assistance of

either justice or constable. I could clearly see, however, that she was rather tired of England, and wished for a

change of scene; she was particularly fond of talking of America, to which country her aspirations chiefly

tended. She had heard much of America, which had excited her imagination; for at that time America was

much talked of, on roads and in homesteads at least, so said Belle, who had good opportunities of knowing

and most people allowed that it was a good country for adventurous English. The people who chiefly spoke

against it, as she informed me, were soldiers disbanded upon pensions, the sextons of village churches, and

excisemen. Belle had a craving desire to visit that country, and to wander with cart and little animal amongst

its forests; when I would occasionally object that she would be exposed to danger from strange and perverse

customers, she said that she had not wandered the roads of England so long and alone, to be afraid of

anything which might befall in America; and that she hoped, with God's favour, to be able to take her own

part, and to give to perverse customers as good as they might bring. She had a dauntless heart, that same

Belle. Such was the staple of Belle's conversation. As for mine, I would endeavour to entertain her with

strange dreams of adventure, in which I figured in opaque forests, strangling wild beasts, or discovering and

plundering the hoards of dragons; and sometimes I would narrate to her other things far more genuine how

I had tamed savage mares, wrestled with Satan, and had dealings with ferocious publishers. Belle had a kind

heart, and would weep at the accounts I gave her of my early wrestlings with the dark Monarch. She would

sigh, too, as I recounted the many slights and degradations I had received at the hands of ferocious

publishers; but she had the curiosity of a woman; and once, when I talked to her of the triumphs which I had

achieved over unbroken mares, she lifted up her head and questioned me as to the secret of the virtue which I

possessed over the aforesaid animals; whereupon I sternly reprimanded, and forthwith commanded her to

repeat the Armenian numerals; and, on her demurring, I made use of words, to escape which she was glad to

comply, saying the Armenian numerals from one to a hundred, which numerals, as a punishment for her

curiosity, I made her repeat three times, loading her with the bitterest reproaches whenever she committed the

slightest error, either in accent or pronunciation, which reproaches she appeared to bear with the greatest

patience. And now I have given a very fair account of the manner in which Isopel Berners and myself passed

The landlord Rather too old Without a shilling Reputation A fortnight ago Liquids The main

AMONGST other excursions, I went several times to the publichouse to which I introduced the reader in a

former chapter. I had experienced such beneficial effects from the ale I had drunk on that occasion, that I

wished to put its virtue to a frequent test; nor did the ale on subsequent trials belie the good opinion which I

had at first formed of it. After each visit which I made to the publichouse, I found my frame stronger and

my mind more cheerful than they had previously been. The landlord appeared at all times glad to see me, and

insisted that I should sit within the bar, where, leaving his other guests to be attended to by a niece of his,

who officiated as his housekeeper, he would sit beside me and talk of matters concerning 'the ring,' indulging

himself with a cigar and a glass of sherry, which he told me was his favourite wine, whilst I drank my ale. 'I

loves the conversation of all you coves of the ring,' said he once, 'which is natural, seeing as how I have

fought in a ring myself. Ah, there is nothing like the ring; I wish I was not rather too old to go again into it. I

often think I should like to have another rally one more rally, and then but there's a time for all things

youth will be served, every dog has his day, and mine has been a fine one let me be content. After beating

Tom of Hopton, there was not much more to be done in the way of reputation; I have long sat in my bar the

wonder and glory of this here neighbourhood. I'm content, as far as reputation goes; I only wish money would

come in a little faster; however, the next main of cocks will bring me in something handsome comes off

next Wednesday, at ; have ventured ten five pound notes shouldn't say ventured either run no risk at

all, because why? I knows my birds.' About ten days after this harangue I called again, at about three o'clock

one afternoon. The landlord was seated on a bench by a table in the common room, which was entirely

empty; he was neither smoking nor drinking, but sat with his arms folded, and his head hanging down over

his breast. At the sound of my step he looked up; 'Ah,' said he, 'I am glad you are come, I was just thinking

about you.' 'Thank you,' said I; 'it was very kind of you, especially at a time like this, when your mind must

be full of your good fortune. Allow me to congratulate you on the sums of money you won by the main of

cocks at . I hope you brought it all safe home.' 'Safe home!' said the landlord; 'I brought myself safe home,

and that was all; came home without a shilling, regularly done, cleaned out.' 'I am sorry for that,' said I; 'but

after you had won the money, you ought to have been satisfied, and not risked it again how did you lose it?

I hope not by the pea and thimble.' 'Pea and thimble,' said the landlord 'not I; those confounded cocks left

me nothing to lose by the pea and thimble.' 'Dear me,' said I; 'I thought that you knew your birds.' 'Well, so I

did,' said the landlord; 'I knew the birds to be good birds, and so they proved, and would have won if better

birds had not been brought against them, of which I knew nothing, and so do you see I am done, regularly

done.' 'Well,' said I, 'don't be cast down; there is one thing of which the cocks by their misfortune cannot

deprive you your reputation; make the most of that, give up cockfighting, and be content with the custom

of your house, of which you will always have plenty, as long as you are the wonder and glory of the

The landlord struck the table before him violently with his fist. 'Confound my reputation!' said he. 'No

reputation that I have will be satisfaction to my brewer for the seventy pounds I owe him. Reputation won't

pass for the current coin of this here realm; and let me tell you, that if it ain't backed by some of it, it ain't a

bit better than rotten cabbage, as I have found. Only three weeks since I was, as I told you, the wonder and

glory of the neighbourhood; and people used to come to look at me, and worship me; but as soon as it began

to be whispered about that I owed money to the brewer, they presently left off all that kind of thing; and now,

during the last three days, since the tale of my misfortune with the cocks has got wind, almost everybody has

left off coming to the house, and the few who does, merely comes to insult and flout me. It was only last

night that fellow, Hunter, called me an old fool in my own kitchen here. He wouldn't have called me a fool a

fortnight ago; 'twas I called him fool then, and last night he called me old fool; what do you think of that?

the man that beat Tom of Hopton, to be called, not only a fool, but an old fool; and I hadn't heart, with one

blow of this here fist into his face, to send his head ringing against the wall; for when a man's pocket is low,

do you see, his heart ain't much higher; but it is of no use talking, something must be done. I was thinking of

'If you mean,' said I, 'to ask me to lend you the money which you want, it will be to no purpose, as I have

very little of my own, just enough for my own occasions; it is true, if you desired it, I would be your

intercessor with the person to whom you owe the money, though I should hardly imagine that anything I

could say ' 'You are right there,' said the landlord; 'much the brewer would care for anything you could say

on my behalf your going would be the very way to do me up entirely. A pretty opinion he would have of

the state of my affairs if I were to send him such a 'cessor as you; and as for your lending me money, don't

think I was ever fool enough to suppose either that you had any, or if you had that you would be fool enough

to lend me any. No, no, the coves of the ring knows better; I have been in the ring myself, and knows what a

fighting cove is, and though I was fool enough to back those birds, I was never quite fool enough to lend

anybody money. What I am about to propose is something very different from going to my landlord, or

lending any capital; something which, though it will put money into my pocket, will likewise put something

handsome into your own. I want to get up a fight in this here neighbourhood, which would be sure to bring

plenty of people to my house, for a week before and after it takes place; and as people can't come without

drinking, I think I could, during one fortnight, get off for the brewer all the sour and unsaleable liquids he

now has, which people wouldn't drink at any other time, and by that means, do you see, liquidate my debt;

then, by means of betting, making first all right, do you see, I have no doubt that I could put something

handsome into my pocket and yours, for I should wish you to be the fighting man, as I think I can depend

upon you.' 'You really must excuse me,' said I; 'I have no wish to figure as a pugilist; besides, there is such a

difference in our ages; you may be the stronger man of the two, and perhaps the hardest hitter, but I am in

much better condition, am more active on my legs, so that I am almost sure I should have the advantage, for,

as you very properly observed, "Youth will be served."' 'Oh, I didn't mean to fight,' said the landlord; 'I think

I could beat you if I were to train a little; but in the fight I propose I looks more to the main chance than

anything else. I question whether half so many people could be brought together if you were to fight with me

as the person I have in view, or whether there would be half such opportunities for betting, for I am a man, do

you see; the person I wants you to fight with is not a man, but the young woman you keeps company with.'

'We will go into the bar, and have something,' said the landlord, getting up. 'My niece is out, and there is no

one in the house, so we can talk the matter over quietly.' Thereupon I followed him into the bar, where,

having drawn me a jug of ale, helped himself as usual to a glass of sherry, and lighted a cigar, he proceeded

to explain himself further. 'What I wants is to get up a fight between a man and a woman; there never has yet

been such a thing in the ring, and the mere noise of the matter would bring thousands of people together,

quite enough to drink out, for the thing should be close to my house, all the brewer's stock of liquids, both

good and bad.' 'But,' said I, 'you were the other day boasting of the respectability of your house; do you think

that a fight between a man and a woman close to your establishment would add to its respectability?'

'Confound the respectability of my house,' said the landlord; 'will the respectability of my house pay the

brewer, or keep the roof over my head? No, no! when respectability won't keep a man, do you see, the best

thing is to let it go and wander. Only let me have my own way, and both the brewer, myself, and every one of

us, will be satisfied. And then the betting what a deal we may make by the betting and that we shall have

all to ourselves, you, I, and the young woman; the brewer will have no hand in that. I can manage to raise ten

pounds, and if by flashing that about I don't manage to make a hundred, call me horse.' 'But suppose,' said I,

'the party should lose, on whom you sport your money, even as the birds did?' 'We must first make all right,'

said the landlord, 'as I told you before; the birds were irrational beings, and therefore couldn't come to an

understanding with the others, as you and the young woman can. The birds fought fair; but I intend that you

and the young woman should fight cross.' 'What do you mean by cross?' said I. 'Come, come,' said the

landlord, 'don't attempt to gammon me; you in the ring, and pretend not to know what fighting cross is! That

won't do, my fine fellow; but as no one is near us, I will speak out. I intend that you and the young woman

should understand one another, and agree beforehand which should be beat; and if you take my advice, you

will determine between you that the young woman shall be beat, as I am sure that the odds will run high upon

her, her character as a fistwoman being spread far and wide, so that all the flats who think it will be all right

will back her, as I myself would, if I thought it would be a fair thing.' 'Then,' said I, 'you would not have us

fight fair?' 'By no means,' said the landlord, 'because why? I conceives that a cross is a certainty to those

who are in it, whereas by the fair thing one may lose all he has.' 'But,' said I, 'you said the other day that you

liked the fair thing.' 'That was by way of gammon,' said the landlord; 'just, do you see, as a Parliament cove

might say, speechifying from a barrel to a set of flats, whom he means to sell. Come, what do you think of the

'Ain't it?' said the landlord. 'The folks in this neighbourhood are beginning to call me old fool; but if they

don't call me something else, when they sees me friends with the brewer, and money in my pocket, my name

'I am going,' said I, rising from my seat, after finishing the remainder of the ale.

ONE evening Belle and myself received another visit from the man in black. After a little conversation of not

much importance, I asked him whether he would not take some refreshment, assuring him that I was now in

possession of some very excellent Hollands, which, with a glass, a jug of water, and a lump of sugar, was

heartily at his service; he accepted my offer, and Belle going with a jug to the spring, from which she was in

the habit of procuring water for tea, speedily returned with it full of the clear, delicious water of which I have

already spoken. Having placed the jug by the side of the man in black, she brought him a glass and spoon,

and a teacup, the latter containing various lumps of snowywhite sugar: in the meantime I had produced a

bottle of the stronger liquid. The man in black helped himself to some water, and likewise to some Hollands,

the proportion of water being about twothirds; then adding a lump of sugar, he stirred the whole up, tasted

'There is Malvoisia sack,' said the man in black, 'and partridge, and beccafico.'

'High mass!' said the man in black; 'however,' he continued, after a pause, 'I will be frank with you; I came to

be so; I may have heard high mass on a time, and said it too; but as for any predilection for it, I assure you I

'To which Margutte answered with a sneer, I like the blue no better than the black, My faith consists alone in

savoury cheer, In roasted capons, and in potent sack; But above all, in famous gin and clear, Which often lays

the Briton on his back; With lump of sugar, and with lymph from well, I drink it, and defy the fiends of hell.'

'He! he! he!' said the man in black; 'that is more than Mezzofante could have done for a stanza of Byron.'

'He! he! he!' said the man in black; 'now I know that you are not a gypsy, at least a soothsayer; no soothsayer

'Oh yes,' said the man in black; 'and fiveandtwenty added to them; but, he! he! he! it was principally from

him, who is certainly the greatest of Philologists, that I formed my opinion of the sect.'

'You ought to speak of him with more respect,' said I; 'I have heard say that he has done good service to your

'Oh yes,' said the man in black; 'he has done good service to our See, that is, in his way; when the neophytes

of the Propaganda are to be examined in the several tongues in which they are destined to preach, he is

appointed to question them, the questions being first written down for him, or else, he! he! he! Of course

you know Napoleon's estimate of Mezzofante; he sent for the linguist from motives of curiosity, and after

some discourse with him, told him that he might depart; then turning to some of his generals he observed,

"Nous avons eu ici un exemple qu'un homme peut avoir beaucoup de paroles avec bien pen d'esprit."'

'You are ungrateful to him,' said I; 'well, perhaps, when he is dead and gone you will do him justice.'

'True,' said the man in black; 'when he is dead and gone, we intend to erect him a statue of wood, on the

'He was the son of a carpenter, you know,' said the man in black; 'the figure will be of wood for no other

'Perhaps we shall,' said the man in black; 'but we know of no one amongst the philologists of Italy, nor,

indeed, of the other countries inhabited by the faithful, worthy to sit parallel in effigy with our illustrissimo;

when, indeed, we have conquered these regions of the perfidious by bringing the inhabitants thereof to the

true faith, I have no doubt that we shall be able to select one worthy to bear him company one whose statue

shall be placed on the right hand of the library, in testimony of our joy at his conversion; for, as you know,

'I hope not,' said the man in black; 'no, if I be consulted as to the material for the statue, I should strongly

And when the man in black had said this, he emptied his second tumbler of its contents, and prepared himself

Prerogative Feeling of gratitude A long history Alliterative style Advantageous specimen Jesuit

benefice Not sufficient Queen Stork's tragedy Good sense Grandeur and gentility Ironmonger's

daughter Clan MacSycophant Lickspittles A curiosity Newspaper editors Charles the Simple

Highflying ditty Dissenters Lower classes Priestley's house Saxon ancestors Austin Renovating

'SO you hope to bring these regions again beneath the banner of the Roman See?' said I, after the man in

'Hope!' said the man in black; 'how can we fail? Is not the Church of these regions going to lose its

'Yes; those who should be the guardians of the religion of England are about to grant Papists emancipation,

and to remove the disabilities from Dissenters, which will allow the Holy Father to play his own game in

On my inquiring how the Holy Father intended to play his game, the man in black gave me to understand that

he intended for the present to cover the land with temples, in which the religion of Protestants would be

On my observing that such behaviour would savour strongly of ingratitude, the man in black gave me to

understand that if I entertained the idea that the See of Rome was ever influenced in its actions by any feeling

of gratitude I was much mistaken, assuring me that if the See of Rome in any encounter should chance to be

disarmed, and its adversary, from a feeling of magnanimity, should restore the sword which had been

knocked out of its hand, the See of Rome always endeavoured on the first opportunity to plunge the said

sword into its adversary's bosom; conduct which the man in black seemed to think was very wise, and which

he assured me had already enabled it to get rid of a great many troublesome adversaries, and would, he had

On my attempting to argue against the propriety of such behaviour, the man in black cut the matter short by

saying that if one party was a fool he saw no reason why the other should imitate it in its folly.

After musing a little while, I told him that emancipation had not yet passed through the legislature, and that

perhaps it never would; reminding him that there was often many a slip between the cup and the lip; to which

observation the man in black agreed, assuring me, however, that there was no doubt that emancipation would

be carried, inasmuch as there was a very loud cry at present in the land a cry of 'tolerance,' which had

almost frightened the Government out of its wits; who, to get rid of the cry, was going to grant all that was

asked in the way of toleration, instead of telling the people to 'hold their nonsense,' and cutting them down

I questioned the man in black with respect to the origin of this cry; but he said, to trace it to its origin would

require a long history; that, at any rate, such a cry was in existence, the chief raisers of it being certain of the

nobility, called Whigs, who hoped by means of it to get into power, and to turn out certain ancient adversaries

of theirs called Tories, who were for letting things remain IN STATU QUO; that these Whigs were backed by

a party amongst the people called Radicals, a specimen of whom I had seen in the publichouse; a set of

fellows who were always in the habit of bawling against those in place; 'and so,' he added, 'by means of these

parties, and the hubbub which the Papists and other smaller sects are making, a general emancipation will be

carried, and the Church of England humbled, which is the principal thing which the See of Rome cares for.'

On my telling the man in black that I believed that, even among the high dignitaries of the English Church,

there were many who wished to grant perfect freedom to religions of all descriptions, he said he was aware

that such was the fact, and that such a wish was anything but wise, inasmuch as, if they had any regard for the

religion they professed, they ought to stand by it through thick and thin, proclaiming it to be the only true

one, and denouncing all others, in an alliterative style, as dangerous and damnable; whereas, by their present

conduct, they were bringing their religion into contempt with the people at large, who would never continue

long attached to a Church the ministers of which did not stand up for it, and likewise cause their own

brethren, who had a clearer notion of things, to be ashamed of belonging to it. 'I speak advisedly,' said he, in

'And I hope there is only one,' said I; 'you surely would not adduce the likes and dislikes of that poor silly

'You know him,' said the man in black, 'nay, I heard you mention him in the publichouse; the fellow is not

very wise, I admit, but he has sense enough to know that, unless a Church can make people hold their tongues

when it thinks fit, it is scarcely deserving the name of a Church; no, I think that the fellow is not such a very

bad stick, and that upon the whole he is, or rather was, an advantageous specimen of the High Church English

clergy, who, for the most part, so far from troubling their heads about persecuting people, only think of

securing their tithes, eating their heavy dinners, puffing out their cheeks with importance on country justice

benches, and occasionally exhibiting their conceited wives, hoyden daughters, and gawky sons at country

'Stop,' said I; 'you said in the publichouse that the Church of England was a persecuting Church, and here in

the dingle you have confessed that one section of it is willing to grant perfect freedom to the exercise of all

'Saying a thing in the publichouse is a widely different thing from saying it in the dingle,' said the man in

black; 'had the Church of England been a persecuting Church, it would not stand in the position in which it

stands at present; it might, with its opportunities, have spread itself over the greater part of the world. I was

about to observe that, instead of practising the indolent habits of his High Church brethren, Platitude would

be working for his money, preaching the proper use of fire and faggot, or rather of the halter and the

whippingpost, encouraging mobs to attack the houses of Dissenters, employing spies to collect the scandal

of neighbourhoods, in order that he might use it for sacerdotal purposes, and, in fact, endeavouring to turn an

'He tried that game,' said I, 'and the parish said "Pooh, pooh," and, for the most part, went over to the

'Very true,' said the man in black, taking a sip at his glass, 'but why were the Dissenters allowed to preach?

why were they not beaten on the lips till they spat out blood, with a dislodged tooth or two? Why, but

because the authority of the Church of England has, by its own fault, become so circumscribed that Mr.

Platitude was not able to send a host of beadles and sbirri to their chapel to bring them to reason, on which

account Mr. Platitude is very properly ashamed of his Church, and is thinking of uniting himself with one

'It may have vigour and authority,' said I, 'in foreign lands, but in these kingdoms the day for practising its

atrocities is gone by. It is at present almost below contempt, and is obliged to sue for grace IN FORMA

'Very true,' said the man in black; 'but let it once obtain emancipation, and it will cast its slough, put on its

fine clothes, and make converts by thousands. 'What a fine Church!' they'll say; 'with what authority it

speaks! no doubts, no hesitation, no sticking at trifles. What a contrast to the sleepy English Church! They'll

go over to it by millions, till it preponderates here over every other, when it will of course be voted the

dominant one; and then and then ' and here the man in black drank a considerable quantity of gin and

'What then?' said the man in black, 'why she will be true to herself. Let Dissenters, whether they be Church of

England, as perhaps they may still call themselves, Methodist, or Presbyterian, presume to grumble, and there

shall be bruising of lips in pulpits, tying up to whippingposts, cutting off ears and noses he! he! the farce

of King Log has been acted long enough; the time for Queen Stork's tragedy is drawing nigh'; and the man in

'And this is the Church which, according to your assertion in the publichouse, never persecutes?'

'I have already given you an answer,' said the man in black. 'With respect to the matter of the publichouse, it

is one of the happy privileges of those who belong to my Church to deny in the public house what they

admit in the dingle; we have high warranty for such double speaking. Did not the foundation stone of our

Church, Saint Peter, deny in the publichouse what he had previously professed in the valley?'

'And do you think,' said I, 'that the people of England, who have shown aversion to anything in the shape of

'Let them become Papists,' said the man in black; 'only let the majority become Papists, and you will see.'

'They will never become so,' said I; 'the good sense of the people of England will never permit them to

'The good sense of the people of England!' said the man in black, filling himself another glass.

'Yes,' said I, 'the good sense of not only the upper, but the middle and lower classes.'

'And of what description of people are the upper class?' said the man in black, putting a lump of sugar into his

'Very fine people,' said I, 'monstrously fine people; so, at least, they are generally believed to be.'

'He! he!' said the man in black; 'only those think them so who don't know them. The male part of the upper

class are in youth a set of heartless profligates; in old age, a parcel of poor, shaking, nervous paillards. The

female part, worthy to be the sisters and wives of such wretches unmarried, full of cold vice, kept under by

vanity and ambition, but which, after marriage, they seek not to restrain; in old age, abandoned to vapours

and horrors; do you think that such beings will afford any obstacle to the progress of the Church in these

'I cannot give an opinion; I know nothing of them, except from a distance. But what think you of the middle

'Their chief characteristic,' said the man in black, 'is a rage for grandeur and gentility; and that same rage

makes us quite sure of them in the long run. Everything that's lofty meets their unqualified approbation;

whilst everything humble, or, as they call it, "low," is scouted by them. They begin to have a vague idea that

the religion which they have hitherto professed is low; at any rate, that it is not the religion of the mighty ones

of the earth, of the great kings and emperors whose shoes they have a vast inclination to kiss, nor was used by

the grand personages of whom they have read in their novels and romances, their Ivanhoes, their Marmions,

'Do you think that the writings of Scott have had any influence in modifying their religious opinions?'

'Most certainly I do,' said the man in black. 'The writings of that man have made them greater fools than they

were before. All their conversation now is about gallant knights, princesses, and cavaliers, with which his

pages are stuffed all of whom were Papists, or very High Church, which is nearly the same thing; and they

are beginning to think that the religion of such nice sweet scented gentry must be something very superfine.

Why, I know at Birmingham the daughter of an ironmonger, who screeches to the piano the Lady of the

Lake's hymn to the Virgin Mary, always weeps when Mary Queen of Scots is mentioned, and fasts on the

anniversary of the death of that very wise martyr, Charles the First. Why, I would engage to convert such an

idiot to popery in a week, were it worth my trouble. O Cavaliere Gualtiero, avete fatto molto in favore della

'If he has,' said I, 'he has done it unwittingly; I never heard before that he was a favourer of the popish

'Only in theory,' said the man in black. 'Trust any of the clan MacSycophant for interfering openly and

boldly in favour of any cause on which the sun does not shine benignantly. Popery is at present, as you say,

suing for grace in these regions IN FORMA PAUPERIS; but let royalty once take it up, let old gouty George

once patronise it, and I would consent to drink puddlewater if, the very next time the canny Scot was

admitted to the royal symposium, he did not say, "By my faith, yere Majesty, I have always thought, at the

bottom of my heart, that popery, as ill scrapit tongues ca' it, was a very grand religion; I shall be proud to

'I doubt not,' said I, 'that both gouty George and his devoted servant will be mouldering in their tombs long

'We can wait,' said the man in black; 'in these days of rampant gentility, there will be no want of kings nor of

'Our work has been already tolerably well done by one,' said the man in black; 'but if we wanted literature, we

should never lack in these regions hosts of literary men of some kind or other to eulogise us, provided our

religion were in the fashion, and our popish nobles chose and they always do our bidding to admit the

canaille to their tables their kitchen tables. As for literature in general,' said he, 'the Santa Sede is not

particularly partial to it, it may be employed both ways. In Italy, in particular, it has discovered that literary

'Yes,' said the man in black, 'a dangerous personage; that poem of his cuts both ways; and then there was

Pulci, that MORGANTE of his cuts both ways, or rather one way, and that sheer against us; and then there

was Aretino, who dealt so hard with the POVERI FRATI; all writers, at least Italian ones, are not lickspittles.

And then in Spain, 'tis true, Lope de Vega and Calderon were most inordinate lickspittles; the PRINCIPE

CONSTANTE of the last is a curiosity in its way; and then the MARY STUART of Lope; I think I shall

recommend the perusal of that work to the Birmingham ironmonger's daughter she has been lately thinking

of adding "a slight knowledge of the magneeficent language of the Peninsula" to the rest of her

accomplishments, he! he! he! But then there was Cervantes, starving, but straight; he deals us some hard

knocks in that second part of his QUIXOTE. Then there were some of the writers of the picaresque novels.

No, all literary men are not lickspittles, whether in Italy or Spain, or, indeed, upon the Continent; it is only in

'Why should I mind?' said the man in black, 'there are no literary men here. I have heard of literary men living

in garrets, but not in dingles, whatever philologists may do; I may, therefore, speak out freely. It is only in

England that literary men are invariably lickspittles; on which account, perhaps, they are so despised, even by

those who benefit by their dirty services. Look at your fashionable novelwriters, he! he! and, above all, at

'You will, of course, except the editors of the from your censure of the last class?' said I.

'Them!' said the man in black; 'why, they might serve as models in the dirty trade to all the rest who practise

it. See how they bepraise their patrons, the grand Whig nobility, who hope, by raising the cry of liberalism

and by putting themselves at the head of the populace, to come into power shortly. I don't wish to be hard, at

present, upon those Whigs,' he continued, 'for they are playing our game; but a time will come when, not

wanting them, we will kick them to a considerable distance: and then, when toleration is no longer the cry,

and the Whigs are no longer backed by the populace, see whether the editors of the will stand by them; they

will prove themselves as expert lickspittles of despotism as of liberalism. Don't think they will always

'Well,' said I, 'I am sorry to find that you entertain so low an opinion of the spirit of English literary men; we

will now return, if you please, to the subject of the middle classes; I think your strictures upon them in

general are rather too sweeping they are not altogether the foolish people which you have described. Look,

for example, at that very powerful and numerous body the Dissenters, the descendants of those sturdy Patriots

'There are some sturdy fellows amongst them, I do not deny,' said the man in black, 'especially amongst the

preachers, clever withal two or three of that class nearly drove Mr. Platitude mad, as perhaps you are

aware, but they are not very numerous; and the old sturdy sort of preachers are fast dropping off, and, as we

observe with pleasure, are generally succeeded by frothy coxcombs, whom it would not be very difficult to

gain over. But what we most rely upon as an instrument to bring the Dissenters over to us is the mania for

gentility, which amongst them has of late become as great, and more ridiculous than amongst the middle

classes belonging to the Church of England. All the plain and simple fashions of their forefathers they are

either about to abandon, or have already done so. Look at the most part of their chapels no longer modest

brick edifices, situated in quiet and retired streets, but lunaticlooking erections, in what the simpletons call

the modern Gothic taste, of Portland stone, with a cross upon the top, and the site generally the most

conspicuous that can be found. And look at the manner in which they educate their children I mean those

that are wealthy. They do not even wish them to be Dissenters "the sweet dears shall enjoy the advantages

of good society, of which their parents were debarred." So the girls are sent to tiptop boardingschools,

where amongst other trash they read ROKEBY, and are taught to sing snatches from that highflying ditty,

'Would you match the base Skippon, and Massey, and Brown, With the barons of England, who fight for the

he! he! their own names. Whilst the lads are sent to those hotbeds of pride and folly colleges, whence they

return with a greater contempt for everything "low," and especially for their own pedigree, than they went

with. I tell you, friend, the children of Dissenters, if not their parents, are going over to the Church, as you

'I do not see the justice of that latter assertion at all,' said I; 'some of the Dissenters' children may be coming

over to the Church of England, and yet the Church of England be very far from going over to Rome.'

'In the high road for it, I assure you,' said the man in black; 'part of it is going to abandon, the rest to lose their

prerogative, and when a Church no longer retains its prerogative, it speedily loses its own respect, and that of

'Well,' said I, 'if the higher classes have all the vices and follies which you represent, on which point I can say

nothing, as I have never mixed with them; and even supposing the middle classes are the foolish beings you

would fain make them, and which I do not believe them as a body to be, you would still find some resistance

amongst the lower classes: I have a considerable respect for their good sense and independence of character;

'As for the lower classes,' said the man in black, 'I believe them to be the most brutal wretches in the world,

the most addicted to foul feeding, foul language, and foul vices of every kind; wretches who have neither

love for country, religion, nor anything save their own vile selves. You surely do not think that they would

oppose a change of religion! why, there is not one of them but would hurrah for the Pope, or Mahomet, for

the sake of a hearty gorge and a drunken bout, like those which they are treated with at election contests.'

'Wherever there happens to be a Romish family of considerable possessions,' said the man in black, 'our

church is sure to have followers of the lower class, who have come over in the hope of getting something in

the shape of dole or donation. As, however, the Romish is not yet the dominant religion, and the clergy of the

English establishment have some patronage to bestow, the churches are not quite deserted by the lower

classes; yet, were the Romish to become the established religion, they would, to a certainty, all go over to it;

you can scarcely imagine what a selfinterested set they are for example, the landlord of that publichouse

in which I first met you, having lost a sum of money upon a cockfight, and his affairs in consequence being

in a bad condition, is on the eve of coming over to us, in the hope that two old Popish females of property,

'Oh, he and I have had some conversation upon the state of his affairs,' said the man in black; 'I think he

might make a rather useful convert in these parts, provided things take a certain turn, as they doubtless will. It

is no bad thing to have a fighting fellow, who keeps a publichouse, belonging to one's religion. He has been

occasionally employed as a bully at elections by the Tory party, and he may serve us in the same capacity.

The fellow comes of a good stock; I heard him say that his father headed the High Church mob who sacked

and burnt Priestley's house at Birmingham, towards the end of the last century.'

'What do you mean by a disgraceful affair?' said the man in black. 'I assure you that nothing has occurred for

the last fifty years which has given the High Church party so much credit in the eyes of Rome as that, we

did not imagine that the fellows had so much energy. Had they followed up that affair by twenty others of a

similar kind, they would by this time have had everything in their own power; but they did not, and, as a

'I suppose,' said I, 'that your Church would have acted very differently in its place.'

'It has always done so,' said the man in black, coolly sipping. 'Our Church has always armed the brute

population against the genius and intellect of a country, provided that same intellect and genius were not

willing to become its instruments and eulogists; and provided we once obtain a firm hold here again, we

would not fail to do so. We would occasionally stuff the beastly rabble with horseflesh and bitter ale, and

'Yes,' said the man in black; 'horseflesh and bitter ale the favourite delicacies of their Saxon ancestors, who

were always ready to do our bidding after a liberal allowance of such cheer. There is a tradition in our

Church, that before the Northumbrian rabble, at the instigation of Austin, attacked and massacred the

presbyterian monks of Bangor, they had been allowed a good gorge of horseflesh and bitter ale. He! he! he!'

continued the man in black, 'what a fine spectacle to see such a mob, headed by a fellow like our friend the

'Then you don't deny that we have had a Priestley,' said I, 'and admit the possibility of our having another?

'Lickspittles,' said the man in black; 'yes, I admit that you have had a Priestley, but he was a Dissenter of the

'Perhaps we may,' said I. 'But with respect to the lower classes, have you mixed much with them?'

'I have mixed with all classes,' said the man in black, 'and with the lower not less than the upper and middle;

they are much as I have described them; and of the three, the lower are the worst. I never knew one of them

that possessed the slightest principle, no, not . It is true, there was one fellow whom I once met, who ; but

it is a long story, and the affair happened abroad. I ought to know something of the English people,' he

continued, after a moment's pause; 'I have been many years amongst them, labouring in the cause of the

'Your See must have had great confidence in your powers when it selected you to labour for it in these parts,'

'They chose me,' said the man in black, 'principally because, being of British extraction and education, I could

speak the English language and bear a glass of something strong. It is the opinion of my See that it would

hardly do to send a missionary into a country like this who is not well versed in English a country where,

they think, so far from understanding any language besides his own, scarcely one individual in ten speaks his

own intelligibly; or an ascetic person where, as they say, high and low, male and female, are, at some period

of their lives, fond of a renovating glass, as it is styled in other words, of tippling.'

'Not altogether an unjust one,' said the man in black, lifting the glass to his mouth.

'Well,' said I, 'it is certainly very kind on its part to wish to bring back such a set of beings beneath its wing.'

'Why, as to the kindness of my See,' said the man in black, 'I have not much to say; my See has generally in

what it does a tolerably good motive; these heretics possess in plenty what my See has a great hankering for,

'What have we to do with what the Founder of the Christian religion cared for?' said the man in black. 'How

could our temples be built and our priests supported without money? But you are unwise to reproach us with

a desire of obtaining money; you forget that your own Church, if the Church of England be your own Church,

as I suppose it is from the willingness which you displayed in the publichouse to fight for it, is equally

avaricious; look at your greedy Bishops and your corpulent Rectors do they imitate Christ in His disregard

for money? You might as well tell me that they imitate Christ in His meekness and humility.'

'Well,' said I, 'whatever their faults may be, you can't say that they go to Rome for money.'

The man in black made no direct answer, but appeared by the motion of his lips to be repeating something to

The man in black arose from his seat, adjusted his habiliments, which were rather in disorder, and placed

upon his head his hat, which he had laid aside; then, looking at me, who was still lying on the ground, he said

'I might, perhaps, take another glass, though I believe I have had quite as much as I can well bear; but I do

not wish to hear you utter anything more this evening, after that last observation of yours it is quite

original; I will meditate upon it on my pillow this night, after having said an ave and a pater go to Rome for

money!' He then made Belle a low bow, slightly motioned to me with his hand as if bidding farewell, and

'Go to Rome for money,' I heard him say as he ascended the winding path, 'he! he! he! Go to Rome for

Wooded retreat Fresh shoes Wood fire Ash, when green Queen of China Cleverest people

Declensions Armenian Thunder Deep olive What do you mean? Koul Adonai The thick bushes

NEARLY three days elapsed without anything of particular moment occurring. Belle drove the little cart

containing her merchandise about the neighbourhood, returning to the dingle towards the evening. As for

myself, I kept within my wooded retreat, working during the periods of her absence leisurely at my forge.

Having observed that the quadruped which my companion drove was as much in need of shoes as my own

had been some time previously, I had determined to provide it with a set, and during the aforesaid periods

occupied myself in preparing them. As I was employed three mornings and afternoons about them, I am sure

that the reader will agree that I worked leisurely, or rather, lazily. On the third day Belle arrived somewhat

later than usual; I was lying on my back at the bottom of the dingle, employed in tossing up the shoes which I

had produced, and catching them as they fell some being always in the air mounting or descending,

'Why have you been absent so long?' said I to Belle; 'it must be long past four by the day.'

'I have been almost killed by the heat,' said Belle; 'I was never out in a more sultry day the poor donkey,

'He shall have fresh shoes,' said I, continuing my exercise; 'here they are quite ready; tomorrow I will tack

'Partly in triumph at having made them, and partly to show that I can do something besides making them; it is

not every one who, after having made a set of horseshoes, can keep them going up and down in the air,

'And another on my cheek,' said I, getting up; 'it is time to discontinue the game, for the last shoe drew blood.'

Belle went to her own little encampment; and as for myself, after having flung the donkey's shoes into my

tent, I put some fresh wood on the fire, which was nearly out, and hung the kettle over it. I then issued forth

from the dingle, and strolled round the wood that surrounded it; for a long time I was busied in meditation,

looking at the ground, striking with my foot, half unconsciously, the tufts of grass and thistles that I met in

my way. After some time, I lifted up my eyes to the sky, at first vacantly, and then with more attention,

turning my head in all directions for a minute or two; after which I returned to the dingle. Isopel was seated

near the fire, over which the kettle was now hung; she had changed her dress no signs of the dust and

fatigue of her late excursion remained; she had just added to the fire a small billet of wood, two or three of

which I had left beside it; the fire cracked, and a sweet odour filled the dingle.

'I am fond of sitting by a wood fire,' said Belle, 'when abroad, whether it be hot or cold; I love to see the

'It is ash,' said I, 'green ash. Somewhat less than a week ago, whilst I was wandering along the road by the

side of a wood, I came to a place where some peasants were engaged in cutting up and clearing away a

confused mass of fallen timber: a mighty aged oak had given way the night before, and in its fall had shivered

some smaller trees; the upper part of the oak, and the fragments of the rest, lay across the road. I purchased,

for a trifle, a bundle or two, and the wood on the fire is part of it ash, green ash.'

'That makes good the old rhyme,' said Belle, 'which I have heard sung by the old women in the great house:

'And on fairer form of queen ash fire never shone,' said I, 'than on thine, O beauteous queen of the dingle.'

'Shall I tell you?' I demanded. 'You had no objection to the first part of the speech, but you did not like being

called queen of the dingle. Well, if I had the power, I would make you queen of something better than the

'Something less would content me,' said Belle, sighing, as she rose to prepare our evening meal.

So we took tea together, Belle and I. 'How delicious tea is after a hot summer's day and a long walk,' said she.

'I daresay it is most refreshing then,' said I; 'but I have heard people say that they most enjoy it on a cold

winter's night, when the kettle is hissing on the fire, and their children playing on the hearth.'

'From China,' said I; 'I just now mentioned it, and the mention of it put me in mind of tea.'

'I know very little about it; all I know is, that it is a very large country far to the East, but scarcely large

enough to contain its inhabitants, who are so numerous, that though China does not cover oneninth part of

'Oh no! I know nothing of their language; but I have heard that it is quite different from all others, and so

difficult that none but the cleverest people amongst foreigners can master it, on which account, perhaps, only

'They say there are no people like them, at least in Europe. But talking of Chinese reminds me that I have not

for some time past given you a lesson in Armenian. The word for tea in Armenian is by the bye what is the

'That's your affair, not mine,' said Belle; 'it seems hard that the master should ask the scholar.'

'Well,' said I, 'whatever the word may be in Armenian, it is a noun; and as we have never yet declined an

Armenian noun together, we may as well take this opportunity of declining one. Belle, there are ten

'Then, in the civilest way imaginable, I decline the noun. Is that a declension?'

'You should never play on words; to do so is low, vulgar, smelling of the pothouse, the workhouse. Belle, I

'If you go on in this way,' said I, 'I shall decline taking any more tea with you. Will you decline an Armenian

'I don't like the language,' said Belle. 'If you must teach me languages, why not teach me French or Chinese?'

'I know nothing of Chinese; and as for French, none but a Frenchman is clever enough to speak it to say

nothing of teaching; no, we will stick to Armenian, unless, indeed, you would prefer Welsh!'

'Welsh, I have heard, is vulgar,' said Belle; 'so, if I must learn one of the two, I will prefer Armenian, which I

never heard of till you mentioned it to me; though, of the two, I really think Welsh sounds best.'

'The Armenian noun,' said I, 'which I propose for your declension this night, is , which signifieth Master.'

'I can't help that,' said I; 'it is the word I choose: Master, with all its variations, being the first noun the sound

'I am not much used to say the word,' said Belle, 'but to oblige you I will decline it as you wish'; and

'You have declined the noun very well,' said I; 'that is in the singular number; we will now go to the plural.'

'That which implies more than one, for example, Masters; you shall now go through masters in Armenian.'

'Never,' said Belle, 'never; it is bad to have one master, but more I would never bear, whether in Armenian or

'You do not understand,' said I; 'I merely want you to decline Masters in Armenian.'

'I do decline them; I will have nothing to do with them, nor with master either; I was wrong to What sound

'Ere I returned from my stroll, I looked up into the heavens, and by their appearance I judged that a storm was

'You never asked me about the state of the atmosphere, and I am not in the habit of giving my opinion to

people on any subject, unless questioned. But, setting that aside, can you blame me for not troubling you with

forebodings about storm and tempest, which might have prevented the pleasure you promised yourself in

drinking tea, or perhaps a lesson in Armenian, though you pretend to dislike the latter?'

'My dislike is not pretended,' said Belle; 'I hate the sound of it, but I love my tea, and it was kind of you not to

wish to cast a cloud over my little pleasures; the thunder came quite time enough to interrupt it without being

anticipated there is another peal I will clear away, and see that my tent is in a condition to resist the

Isopel departed, and I remained seated on my stone, as nothing belonging to myself required any particular

attention; in about a quarter of an hour she returned, and seated herself upon her stool.

'How dark the place is become since I left you,' said she; 'just as if night were just at hand.'

'Look up at the sky,' said I; 'and you will not wonder; it is all of a deep olive. The wind is beginning to rise;

hark how it moans among the branches, and see how their tops are bending; it brings dust on its wings I felt

'We shall have plenty anon,' said Belle; 'do you hear? it already begins to hiss upon the embers; that fire of

'It is not probable that we shall want it,' said I, 'but we had better seek shelter: let us go into my tent.'

'You are right,' said I, 'to be afraid of me; I have taught you to decline master in Armenian.'

'I have merely done what you wished me,' said I, 'and in your own style; there is no other way of declining

'It is so,' said I; 'I shall go to my tent; you may come if you please; I do assure you I am not afraid of you.'

'Nor I of you,' said Belle; 'so I will come. Why should I be afraid? I can take my own part; that is '

We went into the tent and sat down, and now the rain began to pour with vehemence. 'I hope we shall not be

flooded in this hollow,' said I to Belle. 'There is no fear of that,' said Belle; 'the wandering people, amongst

other names, call it the dry hollow. I believe there is a passage somewhere or other by which the wet is

carried off. There must be a cloud right above us, it is so dark. Oh! what a flash!'

'And what a peal!' said I; 'that is what the Hebrews call Koul Adonai the voice of the Lord. Are you afraid?'

'You are right,' said I, 'I am fond of the sound of thunder myself. There is nothing like it; Koul Adonai

behadar: the voice of the Lord is a glorious voice, as the prayerbook version hath it.'

'There is something awful in it,' said Belle; 'and then the lightning the whole dingle is now in a blaze.'

'"The voice of the Lord maketh the hinds to calve, and discovereth the thick bushes." As you say, there is

'There are all kinds of noises above us,' said Belle; 'surely I heard the crashing of a tree?'

'"The voice of the Lord breaketh the cedar trees,"' said I, 'but what you hear is caused by a convulsion of the

air; during a thunderstorm there are occasionally all kinds of aerial noises. Ab Gwilym, who, next to King

David, has best described a thunderstorm, speaks of these aerial noises in the following manner:

'Astonied now I stand at strains, As of ten thousand clanking chains; And once, methought that, overthrown,

The welkin's oaks came whelming down; Upon my head up starts my hair: Why hunt abroad the hounds of

You would hardly believe, Belle, that though I offered at least ten thousand lines nearly as good as those to

the booksellers in London, the simpletons were so blind to their interest, as to refuse purchasing them!'

'I don't wonder at it,' said Belle, 'especially if such dreadful expressions frequently occur as that towards the

'Ah!' said I, 'there falls the cedar tree I mean the sallow; one of the tall trees on the outside of the dingle has

'What a pity,' said Belle, 'that the fine old oak, which you saw the peasants cutting up, gave way the other

night, when scarcely a breath of air was stirring; how much better to have fallen in a storm like this, the

'I don't think so,' said I; 'after braving a thousand tempests, it was meeter for it to fall of itself than to be

vanquished at last. But to return to Ab Gwilym's poetry: he was above culling dainty words, and spoke boldly

his mind on all subjects. Enraged with the thunder for parting him and Morfydd, he says, at the conclusion of

'You and I shall part, that is, I shall go to my tent, if you persist in repeating from him. The man must have

'Yes,' said I, 'there he lies, just outside the tent; often have I listened to his note when alone in this wilderness.

'Mist shrouds the night, and rack; Hear, in the woods, what an awful crack! Wildly the owls are flitting, Hark

to the pillars splitting Of palaces verdant ever, The branches quiver and sever, The mighty stems are

creaking, The poor roots breaking and shrieking, In wild mixt ruin down dashing, O'er one another they're

crashing; Whilst 'midst the rocks so hoary Whirlwinds hurry and worry. Hear'st not, sister '

A shout A fireball See to the horses Passing away Gap in the hedge On three wheels Why do you

I LISTENED attentively, but I could hear nothing but the loud clashing of branches, the pattering of rain, and

the muttered growl of thunder. I was about to tell Belle that she must have been mistaken, when I heard a

shout indistinct, it is true, owing to the noises aforesaid from some part of the field above the dingle. 'I

will soon see what's the matter,' said I to Belle, starting up. 'I will go too;' said the girl. 'Stay where you are,'

said I; 'if I need you, I will call'; and, without waiting for any answer, I hurried to the mouth of the dingle. I

was about a few yards only from the top of the ascent, when I beheld a blaze of light, from whence I knew

not; the next moment there was a loud crash, and I appeared involved in a cloud of sulphurous smoke. 'Lord

have mercy upon us!' I heard a voice say, and methought I heard the plunging and struggling of horses. I had

stopped short on hearing the crash, for I was half stunned; but I now hurried forward, and in a moment stood

upon the plain. Here I was instantly aware of the cause of the crash and the smoke. One of those balls,

generally called fireballs, had fallen from the clouds, and was burning on the plain at a short distance; and the

voice which I had heard, and the plunging, were as easily accounted for. Near the lefthand corner of the

grove which surrounded the dingle, and about ten yards from the fireball, I perceived a chaise, with a

postilion on the box, who was making efforts, apparently useless, to control his horses, which were kicking

and plunging in the highest degree of excitement. I instantly ran towards the chaise, in order to offer what

help was in my power. 'Help me,' said the poor fellow, as I drew nigh; but before I could reach the horses,

they had turned rapidly round, one of the fore wheels flew from its axletree, the chaise was overset, and

the postilion flung violently from his seat upon the field. The horses now became more furious than before,

kicking desperately, and endeavouring to disengage themselves from the fallen chaise. As I was hesitating

whether to run to the assistance of the postilion or endeavour to disengage the animals, I heard the voice of

Belle exclaiming, 'See to the horses, I will look after the man.' She had, it seems, been alarmed by the crash

which accompanied the firebolt, and had hurried up to learn the cause. I forthwith seized the horses by the

heads, and used all the means I possessed to soothe and pacify them, employing every gentle modulation of

which my voice was capable. Belle, in the meantime, had raised up the man, who was much stunned by his

fall; but, presently recovering his recollection to a certain degree, he came limping to me, holding his hand to

his right thigh. 'The first thing that must now be done,' said I, 'is to free these horses from the traces; can you

undertake to do so?' ' I think I can,' said the man, looking at me somewhat stupidly. 'I will help,' said Belle,

and without loss of time laid hold of one of the traces. The man, after a short pause, also set to work, and in a

few minutes the horses were extricated. 'Now,' said I to the man, 'what is next to be done?' 'I don't know,' said

he; 'indeed, I scarcely know anything; I have been so frightened by this horrible storm, and so shaken by my

fall.' 'I think,' said I, 'that the storm is passing away, so cast your fears away too; and as for your fall, you

must bear it as lightly as you can. I will tie the horses amongst those trees, and then we will all betake us to

the hollow below.' 'And what's to become of my chaise?' said the postilion, looking ruefully on the fallen

vehicle. 'Let us leave the chaise for the present,' said I; 'we can be of no use to it.' 'I don't like to leave my

chaise lying on the ground in this weather,' said the man; 'I love my chaise, and him whom it belongs to.'

'You are quite right to be fond of yourself,' said I, 'on which account I advise you to seek shelter from the rain

as soon as possible.' 'I was not talking of myself,' said the man, 'but my master, to whom the chaise belongs.'

'I thought you called the chaise yours,' said I. 'That's my way of speaking,' said the man; 'but the chaise is my

master's, and a better master does not live. Don't you think we could manage to raise up the chaise?' 'And

what is to become of the horses?' said I. 'I love my horses well enough,' said the man; 'but they will take less

harm than the chaise. We two can never lift up that chaise.' 'But we three can,' said Belle; 'at least, I think so;

and I know where to find two poles which will assist us.' 'You had better go to the tent,' said I, 'you will be

wet through.' 'I care not for a little wetting,' said Belle; 'moreover, I have more gowns than one see you

after the horses.' Thereupon, I led the horses past the mouth of the dingle, to a place where a gap in the hedge

afforded admission to the copse or plantation on the southern side. Forcing them through the gap, I led them

to a spot amidst the trees which I deemed would afford them the most convenient place for standing; then,

darting down into the dingle, I brought up a rope, and also the halter of my own nag, and with these fastened

them each to a separate tree in the best manner I could. This done, I returned to the chaise and the postilion.

In a minute or two Belle arrived with two poles which, it seems, had long been lying, overgrown with

brushwood, in a ditch or hollow behind the plantation. With these both she and I set to work in endeavouring

We experienced considerable difficulty in this undertaking; at length, with the assistance of the postilion, we

saw our efforts crowned with success the chaise was lifted up, and stood upright on three wheels.

'We may leave it here in safety,' said I, 'for it will hardly move away on three wheels, even supposing it could

run by itself; I am afraid there is work here for a wheelwright, in which case I cannot assist you; if you were

in need of a blacksmith it would be otherwise.' 'I don't think either the wheel or the axle is hurt,' said the

postilion, who had been handling both; 'it is only the linchpin having dropped out that caused the wheel to

fly off; if I could but find the linchpin! though, perhaps, it fell out a mile away.' 'Very likely,' said I; 'but

never mind the linchpin, I can make you one, or something that will serve: but I can't stay here any longer, I

am going to my place below with this young gentlewoman, and you had better follow us.' 'I am ready,' said

the man; and after lifting up the wheel and propping it against the chaise, he went with us, slightly limping,

As we were descending the narrow path, Belle leading the way, and myself the last of the party, the postilion

suddenly stopped short, and looked about him. 'Why do you stop?' said I. 'I don't wish to offend you,' said the

man, 'but this seems to be a strange place you are leading me into; I hope you and the young gentlewoman, as

you call her, don't mean me any harm you seemed in a great hurry to bring me here.' 'We wished to get you

out of the rain,' said I, 'and ourselves too; that is, if we can, which I rather doubt, for the canvas of a tent is

slight shelter in such a rain; but what harm should we wish to do you?' 'You may think I have money,' said

the man, 'and I have some, but only thirty shillings, and for a sum like that it would be hardly worth while to

' 'Would it not?' said I; 'thirty shillings, after all, are thirty shillings, and for what I know, half a dozen

throats may have been cut in this place for that sum at the rate of five shillings each; moreover, there are the

horses, which would serve to establish this young gentlewoman and myself in housekeeping, provided we

were thinking of such a thing.' 'Then I suppose I have fallen into pretty hands,' said the man, putting himself

in a posture of defence; 'but I'll show no craven heart; and if you attempt to lay hands on me, I'll try to pay

you in your own coin. I'm rather lamed in the leg, but I can still use my fists; so come on, both of you, man

'Let me hear no more of this nonsense,' said Belle; 'if you are afraid, you can go back to your chaise we

'Why, he was just now talking of cutting throats,' said the man. 'You brought it on yourself,' said Belle; 'you

suspected us, and he wished to pass a joke upon you; he would not hurt a hair of your head, were your coach

laden with gold, nor would I.' 'Well,' said the man, 'I was wrong here's my hand to both of you,' shaking us

by the hands; 'I'll go with you where you please, but I thought this a strange lonesome place, though I ought

not much to mind strange lonesome places, having been in plenty of such when I was a servant in Italy,

without coming to any harm come, let us move on, for 'tis a shame to keep you two in the rain.'

So we descended the path which led into the depths of the dingle; at the bottom I conducted the postilion to

my tent, which, though the rain dripped and trickled through it, afforded some shelter; there I bade him sit

down on the log of wood, whilst I placed myself as usual on my stone. Belle in the meantime had repaired to

her own place of abode. After a little time, I produced a bottle of the cordial of which I have previously had

occasion to speak, and made my guest take a considerable draught. I then offered him some, bread and

cheese, which he accepted with thanks. In about an hour the rain had much abated: 'What do you now

propose to do?' said I. 'I scarcely know,' said the man; 'I suppose I must endeavour to put on the wheel with

your help.' 'How far are you from your home?' I demanded. 'Upwards of thirty miles,' said the man; 'my

master keeps an inn on the great north road, and from thence I started early this morning with a family, which

I conveyed across the country to a hall at some distance from here. On my return I was beset by the

thunderstorm, which frightened the horses, who dragged the chaise off the road to the field above, and

overset it as you saw. I had proposed to pass the night at an inn about twelve miles from here on my way

back, though how I am to get there tonight I scarcely know, even if we can put on the wheel, for, to tell you

the truth, I am shaken by my fall, and the smoulder and smoke of that fireball have rather bewildered my

'The best thing you can do,' said I, 'is to pass the night here; I will presently light a fire, and endeavour to

make you comfortable in the morning we will see to your wheel.' 'Well,' said the man, 'I shall be glad to

pass the night here, provided I do not intrude, but I must see to the horses.' Thereupon I conducted the man to

the place where the horses were tied. 'The trees drip very much upon them,' said the man, 'and it will not do

for them to remain here all night; they will be better out on the field picking the grass; but first of all they

must have a good feed of corn.' Thereupon he went to his chaise, from which he presently brought two small

bags, partly filled with corn into them he inserted the mouths of the horses, tying them over their heads.

'Here we will leave them for a time,' said the man; 'when I think they have had enough, I will come back, tie

Fire of charcoal The newcomer No wonder! Not a blacksmith A love affair Gretna Green A

cool thousand Family estates Borough interest Grand education Let us hear Already quarrelling

IT might be about ten o'clock at night. Belle, the postilion, and myself, sat just within the tent, by a fire of

charcoal which I had kindled in the chafingpan. The man had removed the harness from his horses, and,

after tethering their legs, had left them for the night in the field above to regale themselves on what grass they

could find. The rain had long since entirely ceased, and the moon and stars shone bright in the firmament, up

to which, putting aside the canvas, I occasionally looked from the depths of the dingle. Large drops of water,

however, falling now and then upon the tent from the neighbouring trees, would have served, could we have

forgotten it, to remind us of the recent storm, and also a certain chilliness in the atmosphere, unusual to the

season, proceeding from the moisture with which the ground was saturated; yet these circumstances only

served to make our party enjoy the charcoal fire the more. There we sat bending over it: Belle, with her long

beautiful hair streaming over her magnificent shoulders; the postilion smoking his pipe, in his shirtsleeves

and waistcoat, having flung aside his greatcoat, which had sustained a thorough wetting; and I without my

wagoner's slop, of which, it being in the same plight, I had also divested myself.

The newcomer was a wellmade fellow of about thirty, with an open and agreeable countenance. I found

him very well informed for a man in his station, and with some pretensions to humour. After we had

discoursed for some time on indifferent subjects, the postilion, who had exhausted his pipe, took it from his

mouth, and, knocking out the ashes upon the ground, exclaimed, 'I little thought, when I got up in the

morning, that I should spend the night in such agreeable company, and after such a fright.'

'Well,' said I, 'I am glad that your opinion of us has improved; it is not long since you seemed to hold us in

'And no wonder,' said the man, 'seeing the place you were taking me to! I was not a little, but very much

afraid of ye both; and so I continued for some time, though, not to show a craven heart, I pretended to be

quite satisfied; but I see I was altogether mistaken about ye. I thought you vagrant gypsy folks and trampers;

'Vagrant gypsy folks and trampers,' said I; 'and what are we but people of that stamp?'

'Oh,' said the postilion, 'if you wish to be thought such, I am far too civil a person to contradict you,

'But!' said I; 'what do you mean by but? I would have you to know that I am proud of being a travelling

The postilion took the shoes and examined them. 'So you made these shoes?' he cried at last.

'Ah! ah!' said I, 'I thought I should bring you back to your original opinion. I am, then, a vagrant gypsy body,

'By your not being a blacksmith,' said the postilion; 'no blacksmith would have made shoes in that manner.

Besides, what did you mean just now by saying you had finished these shoes today? A real blacksmith

would have flung off three or four sets of donkey shoes in one morning, but you, I will be sworn, have been

hammering at these for days, and they do you credit but why? because you are no blacksmith; no, friend,

your shoes may do for this young gentlewoman's animal, but I shouldn't like to have my horses shod by you,

'Why, for some runaway young gentleman,' said the postilion. 'No offence, I hope?'

'None at all; no one is offended at being taken or mistaken for a young gentleman, whether runaway or not;

'A love affair, I'll be sworn,' said the postilion. 'You had become acquainted with this young gentlewoman, so

'None in the world,' said the postilion; 'all I was going to say was, that you agreed to run away together, you

from college, and she from boardingschool. Well, there's nothing to be ashamed of in a matter like that, such

Belle made no answer; but, placing her elbows on her knees, buried her face in her hands.

'Ay, ay,' said the postilion, 'to Gretna Green, though I can't say that I drove ye, though I have driven many a

'I'll be bound you did,' said the man, 'till you could arrange matters at home.'

'The donkeyshoes you mean,' answered the postilion; 'why, I suppose you persuaded the blacksmith who

'Ay, ay,' said the postilion, 'till the old people are pacified, and they send you letters directed to the next post

town, to be left till called for, beginning with "Dear children," and enclosing you each a cheque for one

hundred pounds, when you will leave this place, and go home in a coach like gentlefolks, to visit your

governors; I should like nothing better than to have the driving of you: and then there will be a grand meeting

of the two families, and after a few reproaches, the old people will agree to do something handsome for the

poor thoughtless things; so you will have a genteel house taken for you, and an annuity allowed you. You

won't get much the first year, five hundred at the most, in order that the old folks may let you feel that they

are not altogether satisfied with you, and that you are yet entirely in their power; but the second, if you don't

get a cool thousand, may I catch cold, especially should young madam here present a son and heir for the old

people to fondle, destined one day to become sole heir of the two illustrious houses; and then all the grand

folks in the neighbourhood, who have bless their prudent hearts! kept rather aloof from you till then, for

fear you should want anything from them I say all the carriage people in the neighbourhood, when they see

'Oh,' said the postilion, 'I was not a gentleman's servant nine years without learning the ways of gentry, and

'Stop a moment,' interposed the postilion, 'I have one more word to say: and when you are surrounded by

your comforts, keeping your nice little barouche and pair, your coachman and livery servant, and visited by

all the carriage people in the neighbourhood to say nothing of the time when you come to the family estates

on the death of the old people I shouldn't wonder if now and then you look back with longing and regret to

the days when you lived in the damp dripping dingle, had no better equipage than a pony or donkey cart, and

saw no better company than a tramper or gypsy, except once, when a poor postilion was glad to seat himself

'Not directly,' said the postilion; 'but my old master, who was in Parliament, did, and so did his son, who was

intended to be an orator. A great professor used to come and give them lessons, and I used to stand and listen,

by which means I picked up a considerable quantity of what is called rhetoric. In what I last said, I was

aiming at what I have heard him frequently endeavouring to teach my governors as a thing indispensably

'Just so,' said the postilion; 'and now I'm sure I am not mistaken about you; you have taken lessons yourself,

at first hand, in the college vacations, and a promising pupil you were, I make no doubt. Well, your friends

will be all the happier to get you back. Has your governor much borough interest?'

'I ask you once more,' said I, addressing myself to Belle, 'what you think of the history which this good man

'What should I think of it,' said Belle, still keeping her face buried in her hands, 'but that it is mere nonsense?'

'May my leg always ache, if I do,' said the postilion, patting his leg with his hand; 'will you persuade me that

'I have been to the best schools in Britain, to say nothing of a celebrated one in Ireland.'

'Well, then, it comes to the same thing,' said the postilion, 'or perhaps you know more than if you had been at

'My father had no borough interest,' said I; 'had he possessed any, he would perhaps not have died, as he did,

'No, no,' said the postilion, 'if he had had borough interest, he wouldn't have been poor, nor honourable,

though perhaps a right honourable. However, with your grand education and genteel manners, you made all

right at last by persuading this noble young gentlewoman to run away from boardingschool with you.'

'Ay, ay,' said the postilion, 'boardingschool is vulgar, I know: I beg your pardon, I ought to have called it

academy, or by some other much finer name you were in something much greater than a boardingschool.'

'There you are right,' said Belle, lifting up her head and looking the postilion full in the face by the light of the

'Of good blood,' continued Belle; 'my name is Berners, Isopel Berners, though my parents were unfortunate.

Indeed, with respect to blood, I believe I am of better blood than the young man.'

'There you are mistaken,' said I; 'by my father's side I am of Cornish blood, and by my mother's of brave

French Protestant extraction. Now, with respect to the blood of my father and to be descended well on the

father's side is the principal thing it is the best blood in the world, for the Cornish blood, as the proverb says

'I don't care what the proverb says,' said Belle; 'I say my blood is the best my name is Berners, Isopel

Berners it was my mother's name, and is better, I am sure, than any you bear, whatever that may be; and

though you say that the descent on the fathers side is the principal thing and I know why you say so,' she

added with some excitement 'I say that descent on the mother's side is of most account, because the mother

'Ah, I had forgot,' said the postilion; 'none but great people go to Gretna Green. Well, then, from church, and

'We have never been to church,' said Belle; 'and to prevent any more guessing on your part, it will be as well

for me to tell you, friend, that I am nothing to the young man, and he, of course, nothing to me. I am a poor

travelling girl, born in a workhouse: journeying on my occasions with certain companions, I came to this

hollow, where my company quarrelled with the young man, who had settled down here, as he had a right to

do if he pleased; and not being able to drive him out, they went away after quarrelling with me, too, for not

choosing to side with them; so I stayed here along with the young man, there being room for us both, and the

'And in order that you may be no longer puzzled with respect to myself,' said I; 'I will give you a brief outline

of my history. I am the son of honourable parents, who gave me a firstrate education, as far as literature and

languages went, with which education I endeavoured, on the death of my father, to advance myself to wealth

and reputation in the big city; but failing in the attempt, I conceived a disgust for the busy world, and

determined to retire from it. After wandering about for some time, and meeting with various adventures, in

one of which I contrived to obtain a pony, cart, and certain tools used by smiths and tinkers, I came to this

place, where I amused myself with making horse shoes, or rather ponyshoes, having acquired the art of

wielding the hammer and tongs from a strange kind of smith not him of Gretna Green whom I knew in

my childhood. And here I lived, doing harm to no one, quite lonely and solitary, till one fine morning the

premises were visited by this young gentlewoman and her companions. She did herself anything but justice

when she said that her companions quarrelled with her because she would not side with them against me;

they quarrelled with her because she came most heroically to my assistance as I was on the point of being

murdered; and she forgot to tell you that, after they had abandoned her, she stood by me in the dark hour,

comforting and cheering me, when unspeakable dread, to which I am occasionally subject, took possession of

my mind. She says she is nothing to me, even as I am nothing to her. I am of course nothing to her, but she is

mistaken in thinking she is nothing to me. I entertain the highest regard and admiration for her, being

convinced that I might search the whole world in vain for a nature more heroic and devoted.'

'And for my part,' said Belle, with a sob, 'a more quiet agreeable partner in a place like this I would not wish

to have; it is true he has strange ways, and frequently puts words into my mouth very difficult to utter, but

'Well,' said the postilion, 'I have been mistaken about you; that is, not altogether, but in part. You are not rich

folks, it seems, but you are not common people, and that I could have sworn. What I call a shame is, that

some people I have known are not in your place and you in theirs, you with their estates and borough interest,

they in this dingle with these carts and animals; but there is no help for these things. Were I the great Mumbo

Jumbo above, I would endeavour to manage matters better; but being a simple postilion, glad to earn three

'Ah!' said the postilion, 'I see there may be a thing or two I know better than yourself. Mumbo Jumbo is a god

'I wish you would tell us something about yourself. I believe that your own real history would prove quite as

'I am rather tired,' said the postilion, 'and my leg is rather troublesome. I should be glad to try to sleep upon

one of your blankets. However, as you wish to hear something about me, I shall be happy to oblige you; but

Thereupon I arose, and put fresh charcoal on the pan; then taking it outside the tent, with a kind of fan which

I had fashioned, I fanned the coals into a red glow, and continued doing so until the greater part of the

noxious gas, which the coals are in the habit of exhaling, was exhausted. I then brought it into the tent and

reseated myself, scattering over the coals a small portion of sugar. 'No bad smell,' said the postilion; 'but upon

the whole I think I like the smell of tobacco better; and with your permission I will once more light my pipe.'

Thereupon he relighted his pipe; and, after taking two or three whiffs, began in the following manner.

An exordium Fine ships High Barbary captains Freeborn Englishmen Monstrous figure

Swashbuckler The grand coaches The footmen A travelling expedition Black Jack Nelson's cannon

Pharaoh's butler A diligence Two passengers Sharking priest Virgilio Lessons in Italian Two

opinions Holy Mary Priestly confederates Methodist chapel Veturini Some of our party Like a

'I AM a poor postilion, as you see; yet, as I have seen a thing or two and heard a thing or two of what is going

on in the world, perhaps what I have to tell you connected with myself may not prove altogether

uninteresting. Now, my friends, this manner of opening a story is what the man who taught rhetoric would

'Just so,' said the postilion; 'I treated you to a per per peroration some time ago, so that I have contrived to

put the cart before the horse, as the Irish orators frequently do in the honourable House, in whose speeches,

especially those who have taken lessons in rhetoric, the per per what's the word? frequently goes before

'I was born in the neighbouring county; my father was landsteward to a squire of about a thousand a year.

My father had two sons, of whom I am the youngest by some years. My elder brother was of a spirited roving

disposition, and for fear that he should turn out what is generally termed ungain, my father determined to

send him to sea: so once upon a time, when my brother was about fifteen, he took him to the great seaport of

the county, where he apprenticed him to a captain of one of the ships which trade to the high Barbary coast.

Fine ships they were, I have heard say, more than thirty in number, and all belonging to a wonderful great

gentleman, who had once been a parish boy, but had contrived to make an immense fortune by trading to that

coast for golddust, ivory, and other strange articles; and for doing so, I mean for making a fortune, had been

made a knight baronet. So my brother went to the high Barbary shore, on board the fine vessel, and in about a

year returned and came to visit us; he repeated the voyage several times, always coming to see his parents on

his return. Strange stories he used to tell us of what he had been witness to on the high Barbary coast, both off

shore and on. He said that the fine vessel in which he sailed was nothing better than a painted hell; that the

captain was a veritable fiend, whose grand delight was in tormenting his men, especially when they were

sick, as they frequently were, there being always fever on the high Barbary coast; and that though the captain

was occasionally sick himself, his being so made no difference, or rather it did make a difference, though for

the worse, he being when sick always more inveterate and malignant than at other times. He said that once,

when he himself was sick, his captain had pitched his face all over, which exploit was much applauded by the

other high Barbary captains all of whom, from what my brother said, appeared to be of much the same

disposition as my brother's captain, taking wonderful delight in tormenting the crews, and doing all manner of

terrible things. My brother frequently said that nothing whatever prevented him from running away from his

ship, and never returning, but the hope he entertained of one day being captain himself, and able to torment

people in his turn, which he solemnly vowed he would do, as a kind of compensation for what he himself had

undergone. And if things were going on in a strange way off the high Barbary shore amongst those who came

there to trade, they were going on in a way yet stranger with the people who lived upon it.

'Oh the strange ways of the black men who lived on that shore, of which my brother used to tell us at home

selling their sons, daughters, and servants for slaves, and the prisoners taken in battle, to the Spanish captains,

to be carried to Havannah, and when there, sold at a profit, the idea of which, my brother said, went to the

hearts of our own captains, who used to say what a hard thing it was that freeborn Englishmen could not

have a hand in the traffic, seeing that it was forbidden by the laws of their country; talking fondly of the good

old times when their forefathers used to carry slaves to Jamaica and Barbadoes, realising immense profit,

besides the pleasure of hearing their shrieks on the voyage; and then the superstitions of the blacks, which my

brother used to talk of; their sharks' teeth, their wisps of fowls' feathers, their halfbaked pots full of burnt

bones, of which they used to make what they called fetish, and bow down to, and ask favours of, and then,

perhaps, abuse and strike, provided the senseless rubbish did not give them what they asked for; and then,

above all, Mumbo Jumbo, the grand fetish master, who lived somewhere in the woods, and who used to come

out every now and then with his fetish companions; a monstrous figure, all wound round with leaves and

branches, so as to be quite indistinguishable, and, seating himself on the high seat in the villages, receive

homage from the people, and also gifts and offerings, the most valuable of which were pretty damsels, and

then betake himself back again, with his followers, into the woods. Oh the tales that my brother used to tell us

of the high Barbary shore! Poor fellow! what became of him I can't say; the last time he came back from a

voyage, he told us that his captain, as soon as he had brought his vessel to port and settled with his owner,

drowned himself off the quay, in a fit of the horrors, which it seems high Barbary captains, after a certain

number of years, are much subject to. After staying about a month with us, he went to sea again, with another

captain; and, bad as the old one had been, it appears the new one was worse, for, unable to bear his treatment,

my brother left his ship off the high Barbary shore, and ran away up the country. Some of his comrades,

whom we afterwards saw, said that there were various reports about him on the shore; one that he had taken

on with Mumbo Jumbo, and was serving him in his house in the woods, in the capacity of swashbuckler, or

lifeguardsman; another, that he was gone in quest of a mighty city in the heart of the negro country; another,

that in swimming a stream he had been devoured by an alligator. Now, these two last reports were bad

enough; the idea of their flesh and blood being bit asunder by a ravenous fish was sad enough to my poor

parents; and not very comfortable was the thought of his sweltering over the hot sands in quest of the negro

city; but the idea of their son, their eldest child, serving Mumbo Jumbo as swashbuckler was worst of all, and

'I stayed at home with my parents until I was about eighteen, assisting my father in various ways. I then went

to live at the Squire's, partly as groom, partly as footman. After living in the country some time, I attended the

family in a trip of six weeks which they made to London. Whilst there, happening to have some words with

an old illtempered coachman, who had been for a great many years in the family, my master advised me to

leave, offering to recommend me to a family of his acquaintance who were in need of a footman. I was glad

to accept his offer, and in a few days went to my new place. My new master was one of the great gentry, a

baronet in Parliament, and possessed of an estate of about twenty thousand a year; his family consisted of his

lady, a son, a fine young man just coming of age, and two very sweet amiable daughters. I liked this place

much better than my first, there was so much more pleasant noise and bustle so much more grand company,

and so many more opportunities of improving myself. Oh, how I liked to see the grand coaches drive up to

the door, with the grand company; and though, amidst that company, there were some who did not look very

grand, there were others, and not a few, who did. Some of the ladies quite captivated me; there was the

Marchioness of in particular. This young lady puts me much in mind of her; it is true, the Marchioness, as I

saw her then, was about fifteen years older than this young gentlewoman is now, and not so tall by some

inches, but she had the very same hair, and much the same neck and shoulders no offence, I hope? And

then some of the young gentlemen, with their cool, haughty, carefornothing looks, struck me as being very

fine fellows. There was one in particular, whom I frequently used to stare at, not altogether unlike some one I

have seen hereabouts he had a slight cast in his eye, and . . . but I won't enter into every particular. And

then the footmen! Oh, how those footmen helped to improve me with their conversation. Many of them could

converse much more glibly than their masters, and appeared to have much better taste. At any rate, they

seldom approved of what their masters did. I remember being once with one in the gallery of the playhouse,

when something of Shakspeare's was being performed: some one in the first tier of boxes was applauding

very loudly. "That's my fool of a governor," said he; "he is weak enough to like Shakspeare I don't; he's

so confoundedly low, but he won't last long going down. Shakspeare culminated" I think that was the

'And then the professor of elocution, of whom my governors used to take lessons, and of which lessons I had

my share, by listening behind the door; but for that professor of elocution I should not be able to round my

'After I had been three years at this place my mistress died. Her death, however, made no great alteration in

my way of living, the family spending their winters in London, and their summers at their old seat in S as

before. At last, the young ladies, who had not yet got husbands, which was strange enough, seeing, as I told

you before, they were very amiable, proposed to our governor a travelling expedition abroad. The old baronet

consented, though young master was much against it, saying they would all be much better at home. As the

girls persisted, however, he at last withdrew his opposition, and even promised to follow them as soon as his

parliamentary duties would permit; for he was just got into Parliament, and, like most other young members,

thought that nothing could be done in the House without him. So the old gentleman and the two young ladies

set off, taking me with them, and a couple of ladies' maids to wait upon them. First of all, we went to Paris,

where we continued three months, the old baronet and the ladies going to see the various sights of the city

and the neighbourhood, and I attending them. They soon got tired of sight seeing, and of Paris too; and so

did I. However, they still continued there, in order, I believe, that the young ladies might lay in a store of

French finery. I should have passed my idle time at Paris, of which I had plenty after the sightseeing was

over, very unpleasantly, but for Black Jack. Eh! did you never hear of Black Jack? Ah! if you had ever been

an English servant in Paris, you would have known Black Jack; not an English gentleman's servant who has

been at Paris for this last ten years but knows Black Jack and his ordinary. A strange fellow he was of what

country no one could exactly say for as for judging from speech, that was impossible, Jack speaking all

languages equally ill. Some said he came direct from Satan's kitchen, and that when he gives up keeping

ordinary, he will return there again, though the generallyreceived opinion at Paris was, that he was at one

time butler to King Pharaoh; and that, after lying asleep for four thousand years in a place called the

Kattycombs, he was awaked by the sound of Nelson's cannon at the battle of the Nile, and going to the shore,

took on with the admiral, and became, in course of time, ship steward; and that after Nelson's death he was

captured by the French, on board one of whose vessels he served in a somewhat similar capacity till the

peace, when he came to Paris, and set up an ordinary for servants, sticking the name of Katcomb over the

door, in allusion to the place where he had his long sleep. But, whatever his origin was, Jack kept his own

counsel, and appeared to care nothing for what people said about him, or called him. Yes, I forgot, there was

one name he would not be called, and that was "Portuguese." I once saw Black Jack knock down a coachman,

six foot high, who called him blackfaced Portuguese. "Any name but dat, you shab," said Black Jack, who

was a little round fellow, of about five feet two; "I would not stand to be called Portuguese by Nelson

himself." Jack was rather fond of talking about Nelson, and hearing people talk about him, so that it is not

improbable that he may have sailed with him; and with respect to his having been King Pharaoh's butler, all I

have to say is, I am not disposed to give the downright lie to the report. Jack was always ready to do a kind

turn to a poor servant out of place, and has often been known to assist such as were in prison, which

charitable disposition he perhaps acquired from having lost a good place himself, having seen the inside of a

prison, and known the want of a meal's victuals, all which trials King Pharaoh's butler underwent, so he may

have been that butler; at any rate, I have known positive conclusions come to on no better premisses, if

indeed as good. As for the story of his coming direct from Satan's kitchen, I place no confidence in it at all, as

Black Jack had nothing of Satan about him but blackness, on which account he was called Black Jack. Nor

am I disposed to give credit to a report that his hatred of the Portuguese arose from some ill treatment which

he had once experienced when on shore, at Lisbon, from certain gentlewomen of the place, but rather

conclude that it arose from an opinion he entertained that the Portuguese never paid their debts, one of the

ambassadors of that nation, whose house he had served, having left Paris several thousand francs in his debt.

This is all that I have to say about Black Jack, without whose funny jokes and good ordinary I should have

'After we had been at Paris between two and three months, we left it in the direction of Italy, which country

the family had a great desire to see. After travelling a great many days in a thing which, though called a

diligence, did not exhibit much diligence, we came to a great big town, seated around a nasty saltwater

bason, connected by a narrow passage with the sea. Here we were to embark; and so we did as soon as

possible, glad enough to get away at least I was, and so I make no doubt were the rest, for such a place for

bad smells I never was in. It seems all the drains and sewers of the place run into that same salt bason,

voiding into it all their impurities, which, not being able to escape into the sea in any considerable quantity,

owing to the narrowness of the entrance, there accumulate, filling the whole atmosphere with these same

outrageous scents, on which account the town is a famous lodginghouse of the plague. The ship in which we

embarked was bound for a place in Italy called Naples, where we were to stay some time. The voyage was

rather a lazy one, the ship not being moved by steam; for at the time of which I am speaking, some five years

ago, steamships were not so plentiful as now. There were only two passengers in the grand cabin, where my

governor and his daughters were, an Italian lady and a priest. Of the lady I have not much to say; she

appeared to be a quiet respectable person enough, and after our arrival at Naples I neither saw nor heard

anything more of her; but of the priest I shall have a good deal to say in the sequel (that, by the bye, is a word

I learnt from the professor of rhetoric), and it would have been well for our family had they never met him.

'On the third day of the voyage the priest came to me, who was rather unwell with seasickness, which he, of

course, felt nothing of that kind of people being never affected like others. He was a finishlooking man of

about fortyfive, but had something strange in his eyes, which I have since thought denoted that all was not

right in a certain place called the heart. After a few words of condolence, in a broken kind of English, he

asked me various questions about our family; and I, won by his seeming kindness, told him all I knew about

them of which communicativeness I afterwards very much repented. As soon as he had got out of me all he

desired, he left me; and I observed that during the rest of the voyage he was wonderfully attentive to our

governor, and yet more to the young ladies. Both, however, kept him rather at a distance; the young ladies

were reserved, and once or twice I heard our governor cursing him between his teeth for a sharking priest.

The priest, however, was not disconcerted, and continued his attentions, which in a little time produced an

effect, so that, by the time we landed at Naples, our great folks had conceived a kind of liking for the man,

and when they took their leave invited him to visit them, which he promised to do. We hired a grand house or

palace at Naples; it belonged to a poor kind of prince, who was glad enough to let it to our governor, and also

his servants and carriages; and glad enough were the poor servants, for they got from us what they never got

from the prince plenty of meat and money; and glad enough, I make no doubt, were the horses for the

provender we gave them; and I daresay the coaches were not sorry to be cleaned and furbished up. Well, we

went out and came in; going to see the sights, and returning. Amongst other things we saw was the burning

mountain, and the tomb of a certain sorcerer called Virgilio, who made witch rhymes, by which he could

raise the dead. Plenty of people came to see us, both English and Italians, and amongst the rest the priest. He

did not come amongst the first, but allowed us to settle and become a little quiet before he showed himself;

and after a day or two he paid us another visit, then another, till at last his visits were daily.

'I did not like that Jack Priest; so I kept my eye upon all his motions. Lord! how that Jack Priest did curry

favour with our governor and the two young ladies; and he curried, and curried, till he had got himself into

favour with the governor, and more especially with the two young ladies, of whom their father was doatingly

fond. At last the ladies took lessons in Italian of the priest, a language in which he was said to be a grand

proficient, and of which they had hitherto known but very little; and from that time his influence over them,

and consequently over the old governor, increased, till the tables were turned, and he no longer curried favour

with them, but they with him yes, as true as my leg aches, the young ladies curried, and the old governor

curried favour with that same priest; when he was with them, they seemed almost to hang on his lips, that is,

the young ladies; and as for the old governor, he never contradicted him, and when the fellow was absent,

which, by the bye, was not often, it was, "Father so andso said this," and "Father soandso said that";

"Father so andso thinks we should do soandso, or that we should not do so andso." I at first thought

that he must have given them something, some philtre or the like, but one of the English maid servants, who

had a kind of respect for me, and who saw much more behind the scenes than I did, informed me that he was

continually instilling strange notions into their heads, striving, by every possible method, to make them

despise the religion of their own land, and take up that of the foreign country in which they were. And sure

enough, in a little time, the girls had altogether left off going to an English chapel, and were continually

visiting places of Italian worship. The old governor, it is true, still went to his church, but he appeared to be

hesitating between two opinions; and once, when he was at dinner, he said to two or three English friends

that, since he had become better acquainted with it, he had conceived a much more favourable opinion of the

Catholic religion than he had previously entertained. In a word, the priest ruled the house, and everything was

done according to his will and pleasure; by degrees he persuaded the young ladies to drop their English

acquaintances, whose place he supplied with Italians, chiefly females. My poor old governor would not have

had a person to speak to for he never could learn the language but for two or three Englishmen who used

to come occasionally and take a bottle with him in a summerhouse, whose company he could not be

persuaded to resign, notwithstanding the entreaties of his daughters, instigated by the priest, whose grand

endeavour seemed to be to render the minds of all three foolish, for his own ends. And if he was busy above

stairs with the governor, there was another busy below with us poor English servants, a kind of subordinate

priest, a low Italian; as he could speak no language but his own, he was continually jabbering to us in that,

and by hearing him the maids and myself contrived to pick up a good deal of the language, so that we

understood most that was said, and could speak it very fairly; and the themes of his jabber were the beauty

and virtues of one whom he called Holy Mary, and the power and grandeur of one whom he called the Holy

Father; and he told us that we should shortly have an opportunity of seeing the Holy Father, who could do

anything he liked with Holy Mary: in the meantime we had plenty of opportunities of seeing Holy Mary, for

in every church, chapel, and convent to which we were taken, there was an image of Holy Mary, who, if the

images were dressed at all in her fashion, must have been very fond of short petticoats and tinsel, and who, if

those said figures at all resembled her in face, could scarcely have been half as handsome as either of my two

'Now it happened that one of the female servants was much taken with what she saw and heard, and gave

herself up entirely to the will of the subordinate, who had quite as much dominion over her as his superior

had over the ladies; the other maid, however, the one who had a kind of respect for me, was not so easily

besotted; she used to laugh at what she saw, and at what the fellow told her, and from her I learnt that

amongst other things intended by these priestly confederates was robbery; she said that the poor old governor

had already been persuaded by his daughters to put more than a thousand pounds into the superior priest's

hands for purposes of charity and religion, as was said, and that the subordinate one had already inveigled her

fellowservant out of every penny which she had saved from her wages, and had endeavoured likewise to

obtain what money she herself had, but in vain. With respect to myself, the fellow shortly after made an

attempt towards obtaining a hundred crowns, of which, by some means, he knew me to be in possession,

telling me what a meritorious thing it was to give one's superfluities for the purposes of religion. "That is

true," said I, "and if, after my return to my native country, I find I have anything which I don't want myself, I

'By the time that the three months were expired for which we had hired the palace of the needy Prince, the old

governor began to talk of returning to England, at least of leaving Italy. I believe he had become frightened at

the calls which were continually being made upon him for money; for after all, you know, if there is a

sensitive part of a man's wearing apparel, it is his breeches pocket; but the young ladies could not think of

leaving dear Italy and the dear priest; and then they had seen nothing of the country, they had only seen

Naples; before leaving dear Italia they must see more of the country and the cities; above all, they must see a

place which they called the Eternal City, or some similar nonsensical name; and they persisted so that the

poor governor permitted them, as usual, to have their way; and it was decided what route they should take

that is, the priest was kind enough to decide for them, and was also kind enough to promise to go with them

part of the route, as far as a place where there was a wonderful figure of Holy Mary, which the priest said it

was highly necessary for them to see before visiting the Eternal City: so we left Naples in hired carriages,

driven by fellows they call veturini, cheating, drunken dogs, I remember they were. Besides our own family

there was the priest and his subordinate, and a couple of hired lackeys. We were several days upon the

journey, travelling through a very wild country, which the ladies pretended to be delighted with, and which

the governor cursed on account of the badness of the roads; and when we came to any particularly wild spot

we used to stop, in order to enjoy the scenery, as the ladies said; and then we would spread a horsecloth on

the ground, and eat bread and cheese, and drink wine of the country. And some of the holes and corners in

which we bivouacked, as the ladies called it, were something like this place where we are now, so that when I

came down here it put me in mind of them. At last we arrived at the place where was the holy image.

'We went to the house or chapel in which the holy image was kept a frightful, ugly black figure of Holy

Mary, dressed in her usual way; and after we had stared at the figure, and some of our party had bowed down

to it, we were shown a great many things which were called holy relics, which consisted of thumbnails, and

forenails, and toenails, and hair, and teeth, and a feather or two, and a mighty thighbone, but whether of a

man or a camel I can't say; all of which things, I was told, if properly touched and handled, had mighty power

to cure all kinds of disorders. And as we went from the holy house we saw a man in a state of great

excitement: he was foaming at the mouth, and cursing the holy image and all its household, because, after he

had worshipped it and made offerings to it, and besought it to assist him in a game of chance which he was

about to play, it had left him in the lurch, allowing him to lose all his money. And when I thought of all the

rubbish I had seen, and the purposes which it was applied to, in conjunction with the rage of the losing

gamester at the deaf and dumb image, I could not help comparing the whole with what my poor brother used

to tell me of the superstitious practices of the blacks on the high Barbary shore, and their occasional rage and

fury at the things they worshipped; and I said to myself, If all this here doesn't smell of fetish, may I smell

'At this place the priest left us, returning to Naples with his subordinate, on some particular business I

suppose. It was, however, agreed that he should visit us at the Holy City. We did not go direct to the Holy

City, but bent our course to two or three other cities which the family were desirous of seeing; but as nothing

occurred to us in these places of any particular interest, I shall take the liberty of passing them by in silence.

At length we arrived at the Eternal City: an immense city it was, looking as if it had stood for a long time,

and would stand for a long time still; compared with it, London would look like a mere assemblage of

beeskeps; however, give me the beeskeps with their merry hum and bustle, and life and honey, rather than

that huge town, which looked like a sepulchre, where there was no life, no busy hum, no bees, but a scanty

sallow population, intermixed with black priests, white priests, gray priests; and though I don't say there was

no honey in the place, for I believe there was, I am ready to take my Bible oath that it was not made there,

A cloister Half English New acquaintance Mixed liquors Turning Papist Purposes of charity

Foreign religion Melancholy Elbowing and pushing Outlandish sight The figure I don't care for you

Merryandrews One good Religion of my country Fellow of spirit A dispute The next morning

'THE day after our arrival,' continued the postilion, 'I was sent, under the guidance of a lackey of the place,

with a letter, which the priest, when he left, had given us for a friend of his in the Eternal City. We went to a

large house, and on ringing were admitted by a porter into a cloister, where I saw some illlooking, shabby

young fellows walking about, who spoke English to one another. To one of these the porter delivered the

letter, and the young fellow, going away, presently returned and told me to follow him; he led me into a large

room where, behind a table on which were various papers and a thing which they call, in that country, a

crucifix, sat a man in a kind of priestly dress. The lad having opened the door for me, shut it behind me, and

went away. The man behind the table was so engaged in reading the letter which I had brought, that at first he

took no notice of me; he had red hair, a kind of halfEnglish countenance, and was seemingly about

fiveand thirty. After a little time he laid the letter down, appeared to consider a moment, and then opened

his mouth with a strange laugh, not a loud laugh, for I heard nothing but a kind of hissing deep down the

throat; all of a sudden, however, perceiving me, he gave a slight start, but, instantly recovering himself, he

inquired in English concerning the health of the family, and where we lived: on my delivering him a card, he

bade me inform my master and the ladies that in the course of the day he would do himself the honour of

waiting upon them. He then arose and opened the door for me to depart. The man was perfectly civil and

courteous, but I did not like that strange laugh of his after having read the letter. He was as good as his word,

and that same day paid us a visit. It was now arranged that we should pass the winter in Rome to my great

annoyance, for I wished to return to my native land, being heartily tired of everything connected with Italy. I

was not, however, without hope that our young master would shortly arrive, when I trusted that matters, as far

as the family were concerned, would be put on a better footing. In a few days our new acquaintance, who, it

seems, was a mongrel Englishman, had procured a house for our accommodation; it was large enough, but

not near so pleasant as that we had at Naples, which was light and airy, with a large garden. This was a dark

gloomy structure in a narrow street, with a frowning church beside it; it was not far from the place where our

new friend lived, and its being so was probably the reason why he selected it. It was furnished partly with

articles which we bought, and partly with those which we hired. We lived something in the same way as at

Naples; but though I did not much like Naples, I yet liked it better than this place, which was so gloomy. Our

new acquaintance made himself as agreeable as he could, conducting the ladies to churches and convents, and

frequently passing the afternoon drinking with the governor, who was fond of a glass of brandy and water and

a cigar, as the new acquaintance also was no, I remember, he was fond of gin and water, and did not smoke.

I don't think he had so much influence over the young ladies as the other priest, which was, perhaps, owing to

his not being so goodlooking; but I am sure he had more influence with the governor, owing, doubtless, to

his bearing him company in drinking mixed liquors, which the other priest did not do.

'He was a strange fellow, that same new acquaintance of ours, and unlike all the priests I saw in that country,

and I saw plenty of various nations; they were always upon their guard, and had their features and voice

modulated; but this man was subject to fits of absence, during which he would frequently mutter to himself,

then, though he was perfectly civil to everybody, as far as words went, I observed that he entertained a

thorough contempt for most people, especially for those whom he was making dupes. I have observed him

whilst drinking with our governor, when the old man's head was turned, look at him with an air which

seemed to say, "What a thundering old fool you are"; and at our young ladies, when their backs were turned,

with a glance which said distinctly enough, "You precious pair of ninnyhammers"; and then his laugh he

had two kinds of laughs one which you could hear, and another which you could only see. I have seen him

laugh at our governor and the young ladies, when their heads were turned away, but I heard no sound. My

mother had a sandy cat, which sometimes used to open its mouth wide with a mew which nobody could hear,

and the silent laugh of that redhaired priest used to put me wonderfully in mind of the silent mew of my

mother's sandyred cat. And then the other laugh, which you could hear; what a strange laugh that was, never

loud, yes, I have heard it tolerably loud. He once passed near me, after having taken leave of a silly English

fellow a limping parson of the name of Platitude, who, they said, was thinking of turning Papist, and was

much in his company; I was standing behind the pillar of a piazza, and as he passed he was laughing heartily.

'After we had been at Rome about six weeks our old friend the priest of Naples arrived, but without his

subordinate, for whose services he now perhaps thought that he had no occasion. I believe he found matters

in our family wearing almost as favourable an aspect as he could desire: with what he had previously taught

them and shown them at Naples and elsewhere, and with what the red haired confederate had taught them

and shown them at Rome, the poor young ladies had become quite handmaids of superstition, so that they,

especially the youngest, were prepared to bow down to anything, and kiss anything, however vile and ugly,

provided a priest commanded them; and as for the old governor, what with the influence which his daughters

exerted, and what with the ascendency which the redhaired man had obtained over him, he dared not say his

purse, far less his soul, was his own. Only think of an Englishman not being master of his own purse! My

acquaintance, the lady's maid, assured me that, to her certain knowledge, he had disbursed to the redhaired

man, for purposes of charity, as it was said, at least one thousand pounds during the five weeks we had been

at Rome. She also told me that things would shortly be brought to a conclusion and so indeed they were,

though in a different manner from what she and I and some other people imagined; that there was to be a

grand festival, and a mass, at which we were to be present, after which the family were to be presented to the

Holy Father, for so those two priestly sharks had managed it; and then . . . she said she was certain that the

two ladies, and perhaps the old governor, would forsake the religion of their native land, taking up with that

of these foreign regions, for so my fellowservant expressed it, and that perhaps attempts might be made to

induce us poor English servants to take up with the foreign religion, that is herself and me, for as for our

fellowservant, the other maid, she wanted no inducing, being disposed body and soul to go over to it.

Whereupon I swore with an oath that nothing should induce me to take up with the foreign religion; and the

poor maid, my fellowservant, bursting into tears, said that for her part she would die sooner than have

anything to do with it; thereupon we shook hands and agreed to stand by and countenance one another: and

moreover, provided our governors were fools enough to go over to the religion of these here foreigners, we

would not wait to be asked to do the like, but leave them at once, and make the best of our way home, even if

'At last the day of the grand festival came, and we were all to go to the big church to hear the mass. Now it

happened that for some time past I had been much afflicted with melancholy, especially when I got up of a

morning, produced by the strange manner in which I saw things going on in our family; and to dispel it in

some degree, I had been in the habit of taking a dram before breakfast. On the morning in question, feeling

particularly low spirited when I thought of the foolish step our governor would probably take before evening,

I took two drams before breakfast; and after breakfast, feeling my melancholy still continuing, I took another,

which produced a slight effect upon my head, though I am convinced nobody observed it.

'Away we drove to the big church; it was a dark misty day, I remember, and very cold, so that if anybody had

noticed my being slightly in liquor, I could have excused myself by saying that I had merely taken a glass to

fortify my constitution against the weather; and of one thing I am certain, which is, that such an excuse would

have stood me in stead with our governor, who looked, I thought, as if he had taken one too; but I may be

mistaken, and why should I notice him, seeing that he took no notice of me? so away we drove to the big

'On arriving there we dismounted, and the two priests, who were with us, led the family in, whilst I followed

at a little distance, but quickly lost them amidst the throng of people. I made my way, however, though in

what direction I knew not, except it was one in which everybody seemed striving, and by dint of elbowing

and pushing I at last got to a place which looked like the aisle of a cathedral, where the people stood in two

rows, a space between being kept open by certain strangelydressed men who moved up and down with rods

in their hands; all were looking to the upper end of this place or aisle; and at the upper end, separated from

the people by palings like those of an altar, sat in magnificent looking stalls, on the right and the left,

various wonderful looking individuals in scarlet dresses. At the farther end was what appeared to be an

altar, on the left hand was a pulpit, and on the right a stall higher than any of the rest, where was a figure

'I can't pretend to describe what I saw exactly, for my head, which was at first rather flurried, had become

more so from the efforts which I had made to get through the crowd; also from certain singing, which

proceeded from I know not where; and, above all, from the bursts of an organ, which were occasionally so

loud that I thought the roof, which was painted with wondrous colours, would come toppling down on those

below. So there stood I a poor English servant in that outlandish place, in the midst of that foreign crowd,

looking at that outlandish sight, hearing those outlandish sounds, and occasionally glancing at our party,

which, by this time, I distinguished at the opposite side to where I stood, but much nearer the place where the

red figures sat. Yes, there stood our poor governor and the sweet young ladies, and I thought they never

looked so handsome before; and close by them were the sharking priests, and not far from them was that

idiotical parson Platitude, winking and grinning, and occasionally lifting up his hands as if in ecstasy at what

'And now an individual mounted the pulpit, and began to preach in a language which I did not understand,

but which I believe to be Latin, addressing himself seemingly to the figure in the stall; and when he had

ceased, there was more singing, more organplaying, and then two men in robes brought forth two things

which they held up; and then the people bowed their heads, and our poor governor bowed his head, and the

sweet young ladies bowed their heads, and the sharking priests, whilst the idiotical parson Platitude tried to

fling himself down; and then there were various evolutions withinside the pale, and the scarlet figures got up

and sat down; and this kind of thing continued for some time. At length the figure which I had seen in the

principal stall came forth and advanced towards the people; an awful figure he was, a huge old man with a

sugarloaf hat, with a sulphurcoloured dress, and holding a crook in his hand like that of a shepherd; and as

he advanced the people fell on their knees, our poor old governor amongst them; the sweet young ladies, the

sharking priests, the idiotical parson Platitude, all fell on their knees, and somebody or other tried to pull me

on my knees; but by this time I had become outrageous; all that my poor brother used to tell me of the

superstitions of the high Barbary shore rushed into my mind, and I thought they were acting them over here;

above all, the idea that the sweet young ladies, to say nothing of my poor old governor, were, after the

conclusion of all this mummery, going to deliver themselves up body and soul into the power of that

horridlooking old man, maddened me, and, rushing forward into the open space, I confronted the

horriblelooking old figure with the sugarloaf hat, the sulphur coloured garments, and shepherd's crook,

'I can scarcely tell you what occurred for some time. I have a dim recollection that hands were laid upon me,

and that I struck out violently left and right. On coming to myself, I was seated on a stone bench in a large

room, something like a guardroom, in the custody of certain fellows dressed like Merryandrews; they were

bluff, goodlooking, wholesome fellows, very different from the sallow Italians: they were looking at me

attentively, and occasionally talking to each other in a language which sounded very like the cracking of

walnuts in the mouth, very different from cooing Italian. At last one of them asked me in Italian what had

ailed me, to which I replied, in an incoherent manner, something about Mumbo Jumbo; whereupon the

fellow, one of the bluffest of the lot, a jovial rosyfaced rascal, lifted up his right hand, placing it in such a

manner that the lips were between the forefinger and thumb, then lifting up his right foot and drawing back

his head, he sucked in his breath with a hissing sound, as if to imitate one drinking a hearty draught, and then

slapped me on the shoulder, saying something which sounded like goot wine, goot companion, whereupon

they all laughed, exclaiming, ya, ya, goot companion. And now hurried into the room our poor old governor,

with the red haired priest. The first asked what could have induced me to behave in such a manner in such a

place, to which I replied that I was not going to bow down to Mumbo Jumbo, whatever other people might

do. Whereupon my master said he believed I was mad, and the priest said he believed I was drunk; to which I

answered that I was neither so mad nor drunk but I could distinguish how the wind lay. Whereupon they left

me, and in a little time I was told by the blufflooking Merryandrews I was at liberty to depart. I believe the

'But one good resulted from this affair; there was no presentation of our family to the Holy Father, for old

Mumbo was so frightened by my outrageous looks that he was laid up for a week, as I was afterwards

'I went home, and had scarcely been there half an hour when I was sent for by the governor, who again

referred to the scene in church, said that he could not tolerate such scandalous behaviour, and that unless I

promised to be more circumspect in future, he should be compelled to discharge me. I said that if he was

scandalised at my behaviour in the church, I was more scandalised at all I saw going on in the family, which

was governed by two rascally priests, who, not content with plundering him, appeared bent on hurrying the

souls of us all to destruction; and that with respect to discharging me, he could do so that moment, as I

wished to go. I believe his own reason told him that I was right, for he made no direct answer, but, after

looking on the ground for some time, he told me to leave him. As he did not tell me to leave the house, I went

to my room, intending to lie down for an hour or two; but scarcely was I there when the door opened, and in

came the red haired priest. He showed himself, as he always did, perfectly civil, asked me how I was, took a

chair and sat down. After a hem or two he entered into a long conversation on the excellence of what he

called the Catholic religion; told me that he hoped I would not set myself against the light, and likewise

against my interest; for that the family were about to embrace the Catholic religion, and would make it worth

my while to follow their example. I told him that the family might do what they pleased, but that I would

never forsake the religion of my country for any consideration whatever; that I was nothing but a poor

servant, but I was not to be bought by base gold. "I admire your honourable feelings," said he, "you shall

have no gold; and as I see you are a fellow of spirit, and do not like being a servant, for which I commend

you, I can promise you something better. I have a good deal of influence in this place, and if you will not set

your face against the light, but embrace the Catholic religion, I will undertake to make your fortune. You

remember those fine fellows today who took you into custody, they are the guards of his Holiness. I have no

doubt that I have interest enough to procure your enrolment amongst them." "What," said I, "become

swashbuckler to Mumbo Jumbo up here! May I . . ." and here I swore "if I do. The mere possibility of

one of their children being swashbuckler to Mumbo Jumbo on the high Barbary shore has always been a

source of heartbreaking to my poor parents. What, then, would they not undergo, if they knew for certain

that their other child was swashbuckler to Mumbo Jumbo up here?" Thereupon he asked me, even as you did

some time ago, what I meant by Mumbo Jumbo. And I told him all I had heard about the Mumbo Jumbo of

the high Barbary shore; telling him that I had no doubt that the old fellow up here was his brother, or nearly

related to him. The man with the red hair listened with the greatest attention to all I said, and when I had

concluded, he got up, nodded to me, and moved to the door; ere he reached the door I saw his shoulders

shaking, and as he closed it behind him I heard him distinctly laughing, to the tune of he! he! he!

'But now matters began to mend. That same evening my young master unexpectedly arrived. I believe he

soon perceived that something extraordinary had been going on in the family. He was for some time closeted

with the governor, with whom, I believe, he had a dispute; for my fellowservant, the lady's maid, informed

'Rather late at night the young gentleman sent for me into his room, and asked me various questions with

respect to what had been going on, and my behaviour in the church, of which he had heard something. I told

him all I knew with respect to the intrigues of the two priests in the family, and gave him a circumstantial

account of all that had occurred in the church; adding that, under similar circumstances, I was ready to play

the same part over again. Instead of blaming me, he commended my behaviour, told me I was a fine fellow,

and said he hoped that, if he wanted my assistance, I would stand by him: this I promised to do. Before I left

him, he entreated me to inform him the very next time I saw the priests entering the house.

'The next morning, as I was in the courtyard, where I had placed myself to watch, I saw the two enter and

make their way up a private stair to the young ladies' apartment; they were attended by a man dressed

something like a priest, who bore a large box; I instantly ran to relate what I had seen to my young master. I

found him shaving. "I will just finish what I am about," said he, "and then wait upon these gentlemen." He

finished what he was about with great deliberation; then taking a horsewhip, and bidding me follow him, he

proceeded at once to the door of his sisters' apartment: finding it fastened, he burst it open at once with his

foot and entered, followed by myself. There we beheld the two unfortunate young ladies down on their knees

before a large female doll, dressed up, as usual, in rags and tinsel; the two priests were standing near, one on

either side, with their hands uplifted, whilst the fellow who brought the trumpery stood a little way down the

private stair, the door of which stood open; without a moment's hesitation, my young master rushed forward,

gave the image a cut or two with his horsewhip then flying at the priests, he gave them a sound flogging,

kicked them down the private stair, and spurned the man, box and image after them then locking the door,

he gave his sisters a fine sermon, in which he represented to them their folly in worshipping a silly wooden

graven image, which, though it had eyes, could see not; though it had ears, could hear not; though it had

hands, could not help itself; and though it had feet, could not move about unless it were carried. Oh, it was a

fine sermon that my young master preached, and sorry I am that the Father of the Fetish, old Mumbo, did not

hear it. The elder sister looked ashamed, but the youngest, who was very weak, did nothing but wring her

hands, weep and bewail the injury which had been done to the dear image. The young man, however, without

paying much regard to either of them, went to his father, with whom he had a long conversation, which

terminated in the old governor giving orders for preparations to be made for the family's leaving Rome and

returning to England. I believe that the old governor was glad of his son's arrival, and rejoiced at the idea of

getting away from Italy, where he had been so plundered and imposed upon. The priests, however, made

another attempt upon the poor young ladies. By the connivance of the female servant who was in their

interest they found their way once more into their apartment, bringing with them the fetish image, whose

body they partly stripped, exhibiting upon it certain sanguine marks which they had daubed upon it with red

paint, but which they said were the result of the lashes which it had received from the horsewhip. The

youngest girl believed all they said, and kissed and embraced the dear image; but the eldest, whose eyes had

been opened by her brother, to whom she was much attached, behaved with proper dignity; for, going to the

door, she called the female servant who had a respect for me, and in her presence reproached the two

deceivers for their various impudent cheats, and especially for this their last attempt at imposition; adding

that if they did not forthwith withdraw and rid her sister and herself of their presence, she would send word

by her maid to her brother, who would presently take effectual means to expel them. They took the hint and

'At the end of three days we departed from Rome, but the maid whom the priests had cajoled remained

behind, and it is probable that the youngest of our ladies would have done the same thing if she could have

had her own will, for she was continually raving about her image, and saying she should wish to live with it

in a convent; but we watched the poor thing, and got her on board ship. Oh, glad was I to leave that fetish

Nothing but gloom Sporting character Gouty Tory Servants' Club Politics Reformado footman

'WE arrived in England, and went to our country seat, but the peace and tranquillity of the family had been

marred, and I no longer found my place the pleasant one which it had formerly been; there was nothing but

gloom in the house, for the youngest daughter exhibited signs of lunacy, and was obliged to be kept under

confinement. The next season I attended my master, his son, and eldest daughter to London, as I had

previously done. There I left them, for hearing that a young baronet, an acquaintance of the family, wanted a

servant, I applied for the place, with the consent of my masters, both of whom gave me a strong

'My new master was what is called a sporting character, very fond of the turf, upon which he was not very

fortunate. He was frequently very much in want of money, and my wages were anything but regularly paid;

nevertheless, I liked him very much, for he treated me more like a friend than a domestic, continually

consulting me as to his affairs. At length he was brought nearly to his last shifts, by backing the favourite at

the Derby, which favourite turned out a regular brute, being found nowhere at the rush. Whereupon, he and I

had a solemn consultation over fourteen glasses of brandy and water, and as many cigars I mean, between

us as to what was to be done. He wished to start a coach, in which event he was to be driver, and I guard.

He was quite competent to drive a coach, being a firstrate whip, and I daresay I should have made a

firstrate guard; but, to start a coach requires money, and we neither of us believed that anybody would trust

us with vehicles and horses, so that idea was laid aside. We then debated as to whether or not he should go

into the Church; but to go into the Church at any rate to become a dean or bishop, which would have been

our aim it is necessary for a man to possess some education; and my master, although he had been at the

best school in England, that is, the most expensive, and also at College, was almost totally illiterate, so we let

the Church scheme follow that of the coach. At last, bethinking me that he was tolerably glib at the tongue, as

most people are who are addicted to the turf, also a great master of slang; remembering also that he had a

crabbed old uncle, who had some borough interest, I proposed that he should get into the House, promising in

one fortnight to qualify him to make a figure in it, by certain lessons which I would give him. He consented;

and during the next fortnight I did little else than give him lessons in elocution, following to a tittle the

method of the great professor, which I had picked up, listening behind the door. At the end of that period we

paid a visit to his relation, an old gouty Tory, who at first received us very coolly. My master, however, by

flattering a predilection of his for Billy Pitt, soon won his affections so much that he promised to bring him

into Parliament; and in less than a month was as good as his word. My master, partly by his own

qualifications, and partly by the assistance which he had derived, and still occasionally derived, from me, cut

a wonderful figure in the House, and was speedily considered one of the most promising speakers; he was

always a good hand at promising he is at present, I believe, a Cabinet minister.

'But as he got up in the world he began to look down on me. I believe he was ashamed of the obligation under

which he lay to me; and at last, requiring no further hints as to oratory from a poor servant like me, he took an

opportunity of quarrelling with me and discharging me. However, as he had still some grace, he

recommended me to a gentleman with whom, since he had attached himself to politics, he had formed an

acquaintance, the editor of a grand Tory Review. I lost caste terribly amongst the servants for entering the

service of a person connected with a profession so mean as literature; and it was proposed at the Servants'

Club, in Park Lane, to eject me from that society. The proposition, however, was not carried into effect, and I

was permitted to show myself among them, though few condescended to take much notice of me. My master

was one of the best men in the world, but also one of the most sensitive. On his veracity being impugned by

the editor of a newspaper, he called him out, and shot him through the arm. Though servants are seldom

admirers of their masters, I was a great admirer of mine, and eager to follow his example. The day after the

encounter, on my veracity being impugned by the servant of Lord C in something I said in praise of my

master, I determined to call him out; so I went into another room and wrote a challenge. But whom should I

send it by? Several servants to whom I applied refused to be the bearers of it; they said I had lost caste, and

they could not think of going out with me. At length the servant of the Duke of B consented to take it; but

he made me to understand that, though he went out with me, he did so merely because he despised the

Whiggish principles of Lord C's servant, and that if I thought he intended to associate with me I should be

mistaken. Politics, I must tell you, at that time ran as high amongst the servants as the gentlemen, the

servants, however, being almost invariably opposed to the politics of their respective masters, though both

parties agreed in one point, the scouting of everything low and literary, though I think, of the two, the liberal

or reform party were the most inveterate. So he took my challenge, which was accepted; we went out, Lord

C's servant being seconded by a reformado footman from the palace. We fired three times without effect;

but this affair lost me my place; my master on hearing it forthwith discharged me; he was, as I have said

before, very sensitive, and he said this duel of mine was a parody of his own. Being, however, one of the best

'And it was well that he made me this present, for without it I should have been penniless, having contracted

rather expensive habits during the time that I lived with the young baronet. I now determined to visit my

parents, whom I had not seen for years. I found them in good health, and, after staying with them for two

months, I returned again in the direction of town, walking, in order to see the country. On the second day of

my journey, not being used to such fatigue, I fell ill at a great inn on the north road, and there I continued for

some weeks till I recovered, but by that time my money was entirely spent. By living at the inn I had

contracted an acquaintance with the master and the people, and become accustomed to inn life. As I thought

that I might find some difficulty in procuring any desirable situation in London, owing to my late connection

with literature, I determined to remain where I was, provided my services would be accepted. I offered them

to the master, who, finding I knew something of horses, engaged me as a postilion. I have remained there

'Stay, you shan't say that I told my tale without a per peroration. What shall it be? Oh, I remember

something which will serve for one. As I was driving my chaise some weeks ago, I saw standing at the gate

of an avenue, which led up to an old mansion, a figure which I thought I recognised. I looked at it attentively,

and the figure, as I passed, looked at me; whether it remembered me I do not know, but I recognised the face

'If it was not the identical face of the redhaired priest whom I had seen at Rome, may I catch cold!

'Young gentleman, I will now take a spell on your blanket young lady, goodnight.'