Nicholas Nickleby ................................................................................................................................................1

Charles Dickens.......................................................................................................................................1

AUTHOR'S PREFACE...........................................................................................................................2

CHAPTER 1. Introduces all the Rest......................................................................................................5

CHAPTER 2. Of Mr Ralph Nickleby, and his Establishments, and his Undertakings, and of a great Joint Stock Company of vast national Importance

CHAPTER 3. Mr Ralph Nickleby receives Sad Tidings of his Brother, but bears up nobly against the Intelligence communicated to him. The Reader is informed how he liked Nicholas, who is herein introduced, and how kindly he proposed to make his Fortune at once 4

CHAPTER 4. Nicholas and his Uncle (to secure the Fortune without loss of time) wait upon Mr Wackford Squeers, the Yorkshire Schoolmaster 2

CHAPTER 5. Nicholas starts for Yorkshire. Of his Leavetaking and his Fellow Travellers, and what befell them on the Road 2

CHAPTER 6. In which the Occurrence of the Accident mentioned in the last Chapter, affords an Opportunity to a couple of Gentlemen to tell Stories against each other 9

CHAPTER 7. Mr and Mrs Squeers at Home .........................................................................................54

CHAPTER 8. Of the Internal Economy of Dotheboys Hall ..................................................................61

CHAPTER 9. Of Miss Squeers, Mrs Squeers, Master Squeers, and Mr Squeers; and of various Matters and Persons connected no less with the Squeerses than Nicholas Nickleby 9

CHAPTER 10. How Mr Ralph Nickleby provided for his Niece and SisterinLaw ..........................81

CHAPTER 11. Newman Noggs inducts Mrs and Miss Nickleby into their New Dwelling in the City 1

CHAPTER 12. Whereby the Reader will be enabled to trace the further course of Miss Fanny Squeer's Love, and to ascertain whether it ran smooth or otherwise. 5

CHAPTER 13. Nicholas varies the Monotony of Dothebys Hall by a most vigorous and remarkable proceeding, which leads to Consequences of some Importance 03

CHAPTER 14. Having the Misfortune to treat of none but Common People, is necessarily of a Mean and Vulgar Character 12

CHAPTER 15. Acquaints the Reader with the Cause and Origin of the Interruption described in the last Chapter, and with some other Matters necessary to be known 21

CHAPTER 16. Nicholas seeks to employ himself in a New Capacity, and being unsuccessful, accepts an engagement as Tutor in a Private Family 29

CHAPTER 17. Follows the Fortunes of Miss Nickleby ......................................................................143

CHAPTER 18. Miss Knag, after doting on Kate Nickleby for three whole Days, makes up her Mind to hate her for evermore. The Causes which led Miss Knag to form this Resolution 50

CHAPTER 19. Descriptive of a Dinner at Mr Ralph Nickleby's, and of the Manner in which the Company entertained themselves, before Dinner, at Dinner, and after Dinner. 59

CHAPTER 20. Wherein Nicholas at length encounters his Uncle, to whom he expresses his Sentiments with much Candour. His Resolution. 70

CHAPTER 21. Madam Mantalini finds herself in a Situation of some Difficulty, and Miss Nickleby finds herself in no Situation at all 78

CHAPTER 22. Nicholas, accompanied by Smike, sallies forth to seek his Fortune. He encounters Mr Vincent Crummles; and who he was, is herein made manifest 87

CHAPTER 23. Treats of the Company of Mr Vincent Crummles, and of his Affairs, Domestic and Theatrical 98

CHAPTER 24. Of the Great Bespeak for Miss Snevellicci, and the first Appearance of Nicholas upon any Stage 07

CHAPTER 25. Concerning a young Lady from London, who joins the Company, and an elderly Admirer who follows in her Train; with an affecting Ceremony consequent on their Arrival 18

CHAPTER 26. Is fraught with some Danger to Miss Nickleby's Peace of Mind...............................227

CHAPTER 27. Mrs Nickleby becomes acquainted with Messrs Pyke and Pluck, whose Affection and Interest are beyond all Bounds 35

CHAPTER 28. Miss Nickleby, rendered desperate by the Persecution of Sir Mulberry Hawk, and the Complicated Difficulties and Distresses which surround her, appeals, as a last resource, to her Uncle for Protection 45

CHAPTER 29. Of the Proceedings of Nicholas, and certain Internal Divisions in the Company of Mr Vincent Crummles 56

CHAPTER 30. Festivities are held in honour of Nicholas, who suddenly withdraws himself from the Society of Mr Vincent Crummles and his Theatrical Companions 63

CHAPTER 31. Of Ralph Nickleby and Newman Noggs, and some wise Precautions, the success or failure of which will appear in the Sequel 73

CHAPTER 32. Relating chiefly to some remarkable Conversation, and some remarkable Proceedings to which it gives rise 78

CHAPTER 33. In which Mr Ralph Nickleby is relieved, by a very expeditious Process, from all Commerce with his Relations 85

CHAPTER 34. Wherein Mr Ralph Nickleby is visited by Persons with whom the Reader has been already made acquainted 90

CHAPTER 35. Smike becomes known to Mrs Nickleby and Kate. Nicholas also meets with new Acquaintances. Brighter Days seem to dawn upon the Family 02

CHAPTER 36. Private and confidential; relating to Family Matters. Showing how Mr Kenwigs underwent violent Agitation, and how Mrs Kenwigs was as well as could be expected 13

CHAPTER 37. Nicholas finds further Favour in the Eyes of the brothers Cheeryble and Mr Timothy Linkinwater. The brothers give a Banquet on a great Annual Occasion. Nicholas, on returning Home from it, receives a mysterious and important Disclosure from the Lips of Mrs Nickleby 19

CHAPTER 38. Comprises certain Particulars arising out of a Visit of Condolence, which may prove important hereafter. Smike unexpectedly encounters a very old Friend, who invites him to his House, and will take no Denial 30

CHAPTER 39. In which another old Friend encounters Smike, very opportunely and to some Purpose 39

CHAPTER 40. In which Nicholas falls in Love. He employs a Mediator, whose Proceedings are crowned with unexpected Success, excepting in one solitary Particular 46

CHAPTER 41. Containing some Romantic Passages between Mrs Nickleby and the Gentleman in the Smallclothes next Door 58

CHAPTER 42. Illustrative of the convivial Sentiment, that the best of Friends must sometimes part 66

CHAPTER 43. Officiates as a kind of Gentleman Usher, in bringing various People together........374

CHAPTER 44. Mr Ralph Nickleby cuts an old Acquaintance. It would also appear from the Contents hereof, that a Joke, even between Husband and Wife, may be sometimes carried too far 82

CHAPTER 45. Containing Matter of a surprising Kind ......................................................................393

CHAPTER 46. Throws some Light upon Nicholas's Love; but whether for Good or Evil the Reader must determine 01

CHAPTER 47. Mr Ralph Nickleby has some confidential Intercourse with another old Friend. They concert between them a Project, which promises well for both 10

CHAPTER 48. Being for the Benefit of Mr Vincent Crummles, and positively his last Appearance on this Stage 20

CHAPTER 49. Chronicles the further Proceedings of the Nickleby Family, and the Sequel of the Adventure of the Gentleman in the Smallclothes 27

CHAPTER 50. Involves a serious Catastrophe...................................................................................437

CHAPTER 51. The Project of Mr Ralph Nickleby and his Friend approaching a successful Issue, becomes unexpectedly known to another Party, not admitted into their Confidence 46

CHAPTER 52. Nicholas despairs of rescuing Madeline Bray, but plucks up his Spirits again, and determines to attempt it. Domestic Intelligence of the Kenwigses and Lillyvicks 54

CHAPTER 53. Containing the further Progress of the Plot contrived by Mr Ralph Nickleby and Mr Arthur Gride 63

CHAPTER 54. The Crisis of the Project and its Result......................................................................473

CHAPTER 55. Of Family Matters, Cares, Hopes, Disappointments, and Sorrows ............................481

CHAPTER 56. Ralph Nickleby, baffled by his Nephew in his late Design, hatches a Scheme of Retaliation which Accident suggests to him, and takes into his Counsels a tried Auxiliary 88

CHAPTER 57. How Ralph Nickleby's Auxiliary went about his Work, and how he prospered with it 97

CHAPTER 58. In which one Scene of this History is closed ..............................................................504

CHAPTER 59. The Plots begin to fail, and Doubts and Dangers to disturb the Plotter .....................508

CHAPTER 60. The Dangers thicken, and the Worst is told ................................................................517

CHAPTER 61. Wherein Nicholas and his Sister forfeit the good Opinion of all worldly and prudent People 24

CHAPTER 62. Ralph makes one last Appointmentand keeps it....................................................531

CHAPTER 63. The Brothers Cheeryble make various Declarations for themselves and others. Tim Linkinwater makes a Declaration for himself 35

CHAPTER 64. An old Acquaintance is recognised under melancholy Circumstances, and Dotheboys Hall breaks up for ever 42

CHAPTER 65. Conclusion..................................................................................................................548

This story was begun, within a few months after the publication of the completed "Pickwick Papers." There

were, then, a good many cheap Yorkshire schools in existence. There are very few now.

Of the monstrous neglect of education in England, and the disregard of it by the State as a means of forming

good or bad citizens, and miserable or happy men, private schools long afforded a notable example. Although

any man who had proved his unfitness for any other occupation in life, was free, without examination or

qualification, to open a school anywhere; although preparation for the functions he undertook, was required

in the surgeon who assisted to bring a boy into the world, or might one day assist, perhaps, to send him out of

it; in the chemist, the attorney, the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker; the whole round of crafts and

trades, the schoolmaster excepted; and although schoolmasters, as a race, were the blockheads and impostors

who might naturally be expected to spring from such a state of things, and to flourish in it; these Yorkshire

schoolmasters were the lowest and most rotten round in the whole ladder. Traders in the avarice, indifference,

or imbecility of parents, and the helplessness of children; ignorant, sordid, brutal men, to whom few

considerate persons would have entrusted the board and lodging of a horse or a dog; they formed the worthy

cornerstone of a structure, which, for absurdity and a magnificent highminded LAISSEZALLER neglect,

We hear sometimes of an action for damages against the unqualified medical practitioner, who has deformed

a broken limb in pretending to heal it. But, what of the hundreds of thousands of minds that have been

deformed for ever by the incapable pettifoggers who have pretended to form them!

I make mention of the race, as of the Yorkshire schoolmasters, in the past tense. Though it has not yet finally

disappeared, it is dwindling daily. A long day's work remains to be done about us in the way of education,

Heaven knows; but great improvements and facilities towards the attainment of a good one, have been

I cannot call to mind, now, how I came to hear about Yorkshire schools when I was a not very robust child,

sitting in byeplaces near Rochester Castle, with a head full of PARTRIDGE, STRAP, TOM PIPES, and

SANCHO PANZA; but I know that my first impressions of them were picked up at that time, and that they

were somehow or other connected with a suppurated abscess that some boy had come home with, in

consequence of his Yorkshire guide, philosopher, and friend, having ripped it open with an inky penknife.

The impression made upon me, however made, never left me. I was always curious about Yorkshire

schoolsfell, long afterwards and at sundry times, into the way of hearing more about themat last, having

With that intent I went down into Yorkshire before I began this book, in very severe winter time which is

pretty faithfully described herein. As I wanted to see a schoolmaster or two, and was forewarned that those

gentlemen might, in their modesty, be shy of receiving a visit from the author of the "Pickwick Papers," I

consulted with a professional friend who had a Yorkshire connexion, and with whom I concerted a pious

fraud. He gave me some letters of introduction, in the name, I think, of my travelling companion; they bore

reference to a supposititious little boy who had been left with a widowed mother who didn't know what to do

with him; the poor lady had thought, as a means of thawing the tardy compassion of her relations in his

behalf, of sending him to a Yorkshire school; I was the poor lady's friend, travelling that way; and if the

recipient of the letter could inform me of a school in his neighbourhood, the writer would be very much

I went to several places in that part of the country where I understood the schools to be most plentifully

sprinkled, and had no occasion to deliver a letter until I came to a certain town which shall be nameless. The

person to whom it was addressed, was not at home; but he came down at night, through the snow, to the inn

where I was staying. It was after dinner; and he needed little persuasion to sit down by the fire in a warrn

I am afraid he is dead now. I recollect he was a jovial, ruddy, broadfaced man; that we got acquainted

directly; and that we talked on all kinds of subjects, except the school, which he showed a great anxiety to

avoid. "Was there any large school near?" I asked him, in reference to the letter. "Oh yes," he said; "there was

a pratty big 'un." "Was it a good one?" I asked. "Ey!" he said, "it was as good as anoother; that was a' a

matther of opinion"; and fell to looking at the fire, staring round the room, and whistling a little. On my

reverting to some other topic that we had been discussing, he recovered immediately; but, though I tried him

again and again, I never approached the question of the school, even if he were in the middle of a laugh,

without observing that his countenance fell, and that he became uncomfortable. At last, when we had passed

a couple of hours or so, very agreeably, he suddenly took up his hat, and leaning over the table and looking

me full in the face, said, in a low voice: "Weel, Misther, we've been vara pleasant toogather, and ar'll spak'

my moind tiv'ee. Dinnot let the weedur send her lattle boy to yan o' our schoolmeasthers, while there's a

harse to hoold in a' Lunnun, or a gootther to lie asleep in. Ar wouldn't mak' ill words amang my neeburs, and

ar speak tiv'ee quiet loike. But I'm dom'd if ar can gang to bed and not tellee, for weedur's sak', to keep the

lattle boy from a' sike scoondrels while there's a harse to hoold in a' Lunnun, or a gootther to lie asleep in!"

Repeating these words with great heartiness, and with a solemnity on his jolly face that made it look twice as

large as before, he shook hands and went away. I never saw him afterwards, but I sometimes imagine that I

In reference to these gentry, I may here quote a few words from the original preface to this book.

"It has afforded the Author great amusement and satisfaction, during the progress of this work, to learn, from

country friends and from a variety of ludicrous statements concerning himself in provincial newspapers, that

more than one Yorkshire schoolmaster lays claim to being the original of Mr. Squeers. One worthy, he has

reason to believe, has actually consulted authorities learned in the law, as to his having good grounds on

which to rest an action for libel; another, has meditated a journey to London, for the express purpose of

committing an assault and battery on his traducer; a third, perfectly remembers being waited on, last January

twelvemonth, by two gentlemen, one of whom held him in conversation while the other took his likeness;

and, although Mr. Squeers has but one eye, and he has two, and the published sketch does not resemble him

(whoever he may be) in any other respect, still he and all his friends and neighbours know at once for whom

"While the Author cannot but feel the full force of the compliment thus conveyed to him, he ventures to

suggest that these contentions may arise from the fact, that Mr. Squeers is the representative of a class, and

not of an individual. Where imposture, ignorance, and brutal cupidity, are the stock in trade of a small body

of men, and one is described by these characteristics, all his fellows will recognise something belonging to

'The Author's object in calling public attention to the system would be very imperfectly fulfilled, if he did not

state now, in his own person, emphatically and earnestly, that Mr. Squeers and his school are faint and feeble

pictures of an existing reality, purposely subdued and kept down lest they should be deemed impossible. That

there are, upon record, trials at law in which damages have been sought as a poor recompense for lasting

agonies and disfigurements inflicted upon children by the treatment of the master in these places, involving

such offensive and foul details of neglect, cruelty, and disease, as no writer of fiction would have the

boldness to imagine. And that, since he has been engaged upon these Adventures, he has received, from

private quarters far beyond the reach of suspicion or distrust, accounts of atrocities, in the perpetration of

which upon neglected or repudiated children, these schools have been the main instruments, very far

This comprises all I need say on the subject; except that if I had seen occasion, I had resolved to reprint a few

One other quotation from the same Preface may serve to introduce a fact that my readers may think curious.

"To turn to a more pleasant subject, it may be right to say, that there ARE two characters in this book which

are drawn from life. It is remarkable that what we call the world, which is so very credulous in what professes

to be true, is most incredulous in what professes to be imaginary; and that, while, every day in real life, it will

allow in one man no blemishes, and in another no virtues, it will seldom admit a very stronglymarked

character, either good or bad, in a fictitious narrative, to be within the limits of probability. But those who

take an interest in this tale, will be glad to learn that the BROTHERS CHEERYBLE live; that their liberal

charity, their singleness of heart, their noble nature, and their unbounded benevolence, are no creations of the

Author's brain; but are prompting every day (and oftenest by stealth) some munificent and generous deed in

If I were to attempt to sum up the thousands of letters, from all sorts of people in all sorts of latitudes and

climates, which this unlucky paragraph brought down upon me, I should get into an arithmetical difficulty

from which I could not easily extricate myself. Suffice it to say, that I believe the applications for loans, gifts,

and offices of profit that I have been requested to forward to the originals of the BROTHERS CHEERYBLE

(with whom I never interchanged any communication in my life) would have exhausted the combined

patronage of all the Lord Chancellors since the accession of the House of Brunswick, and would have broken

There is only one other point, on which I would desire to offer a remark. If Nicholas be not always found to

be blameless or agreeable, he is not always intended to appear so. He is a young man of an impetuous temper

and of little or no experience; and I saw no reason why such a hero should be lifted out of nature.

There once lived, in a sequestered part of the county of Devonshire, one Mr Godfrey Nickleby: a worthy

gentleman, who, taking it into his head rather late in life that he must get married, and not being young

enough or rich enough to aspire to the hand of a lady of fortune, had wedded an old flame out of mere

attachment, who in her turn had taken him for the same reason. Thus two people who cannot afford to play

Some illconditioned persons who sneer at the lifematrimonial, may perhaps suggest, in this place, that the

good couple would be better likened to two principals in a sparring match, who, when fortune is low and

backers scarce, will chivalrously set to, for the mere pleasure of the buffeting; and in one respect indeed this

comparison would hold good; for, as the adventurous pair of the Fives' Court will afterwards send round a

hat, and trust to the bounty of the lookerson for the means of regaling themselves, so Mr Godfrey Nickleby

and HIS partner, the honeymoon being over, looked out wistfully into the world, relying in no inconsiderable

degree upon chance for the improvement of their means. Mr Nickleby's income, at the period of his marriage,

There are people enough in the world, Heaven knows! and even in London (where Mr Nickleby dwelt in

those days) but few complaints prevail, of the population being scanty. It is extraordinary how long a man

may look among the crowd without discovering the face of a friend, but it is no less true. Mr Nickleby

looked, and looked, till his eyes became sore as his heart, but no friend appeared; and when, growing tired of

the search, he turned his eyes homeward, he saw very little there to relieve his weary vision. A painter who

has gazed too long upon some glaring colour, refreshes his dazzled sight by looking upon a darker and more

sombre tint; but everything that met Mr Nickleby's gaze wore so black and gloomy a hue, that he would have

At length, after five years, when Mrs Nickleby had presented her husband with a couple of sons, and that

embarassed gentleman, impressed with the necessity of making some provision for his family, was seriously

revolving in his mind a little commercial speculation of insuring his life next quarterday, and then falling

from the top of the Monument by accident, there came, one morning, by the general post, a blackbordered

letter to inform him how his uncle, Mr Ralph Nickleby, was dead, and had left him the bulk of his little

As the deceased had taken no further notice of his nephew in his lifetime, than sending to his eldest boy (who

had been christened after him, on desperate speculation) a silver spoon in a morocco case, which, as he had

not too much to eat with it, seemed a kind of satire upon his having been born without that useful article of

plate in his mouth, Mr Godfrey Nickleby could, at first, scarcely believe the tidings thus conveyed to him. On

examination, however, they turned out to be strictly correct. The amiable old gentleman, it seemed, had

intended to leave the whole to the Royal Humane Society, and had indeed executed a will to that effect; but

the Institution, having been unfortunate enough, a few months before, to save the life of a poor relation to

whom he paid a weekly allowance of three shillings and sixpence, he had, in a fit of very natural

exasperation, revoked the bequest in a codicil, and left it all to Mr Godfrey Nickleby; with a special mention

of his indignation, not only against the society for saving the poor relation's life, but against the poor relation

With a portion of this property Mr Godfrey Nickleby purchased a small farm, near Dawlish in Devonshire,

whither he retired with his wife and two children, to live upon the best interest he could get for the rest of his

money, and the little produce he could raise from his land. The two prospered so well together that, when he

died, some fifteen years after this period, and some five after his wife, he was enabled to leave, to his eldest

son, Ralph, three thousand pounds in cash, and to his youngest son, Nicholas, one thousand and the farm,

These two brothers had been brought up together in a school at Exeter; and, being accustomed to go home

once a week, had often heard, from their mother's lips, long accounts of their father's sufferings in his days of

poverty, and of their deceased uncle's importance in his days of affluence: which recitals produced a very

different impression on the two: for, while the younger, who was of a timid and retiring disposition, gleaned

from thence nothing but forewarnings to shun the great world and attach himself to the quiet routine of a

country life, Ralph, the elder, deduced from the often repeated tale the two great morals that riches are the

only true source of happiness and power, and that it is lawful and just to compass their acquisition by all

means short of felony. 'And,' reasoned Ralph with himself, 'if no good came of my uncle's money when he

was alive, a great deal of good came of it after he was dead, inasmuch as my father has got it now, and is

saving it up for me, which is a highly virtuous purpose; and, going back to the old gentleman, good DID

come of it to him too, for he had the pleasure of thinking of it all his life long, and of being envied and

courted by all his family besides.' And Ralph always wound up these mental soliloquies by arriving at the

Not confining himself to theory, or permitting his faculties to rust, even at that early age, in mere abstract

speculations, this promising lad commenced usurer on a limited scale at school; putting out at good interest a

small capital of slatepencil and marbles, and gradually extending his operations until they aspired to the

copper coinage of this realm, in which he speculated to considerable advantage. Nor did he trouble his

borrowers with abstract calculations of figures, or references to readyreckoners; his simple rule of interest

being all comprised in the one golden sentence, 'twopence for every halfpenny,' which greatly simplified

the accounts, and which, as a familiar precept, more easily acquired and retained in the memory than any

known rule of arithmetic, cannot be too strongly recommended to the notice of capitalists, both large and

small, and more especially of moneybrokers and bill discounters. Indeed, to do these gentlemen justice,

many of them are to this day in the frequent habit of adopting it, with eminent success.

In like manner, did young Ralph Nickleby avoid all those minute and intricate calculations of odd days,

which nobody who has worked sums in simpleinterest can fail to have found most embarrassing, by

establishing the one general rule that all sums of principal and interest should be paid on pocketmoney day,

that is to say, on Saturday: and that whether a loan were contracted on the Monday, or on the Friday, the

amount of interest should be, in both cases, the same. Indeed he argued, and with great show of reason, that it

ought to be rather more for one day than for five, inasmuch as the borrower might in the former case be very

fairly presumed to be in great extremity, otherwise he would not borrow at all with such odds against him.

This fact is interesting, as illustrating the secret connection and sympathy which always exist between great

minds. Though Master Ralph Nickleby was not at that time aware of it, the class of gentlemen before alluded

From what we have said of this young gentleman, and the natural admiration the reader will immediately

conceive of his character, it may perhaps be inferred that he is to be the hero of the work which we shall

presently begin. To set this point at rest, for once and for ever, we hasten to undeceive them, and stride to its

On the death of his father, Ralph Nickleby, who had been some time before placed in a mercantile house in

London, applied himself passionately to his old pursuit of moneygetting, in which he speedily became so

buried and absorbed, that he quite forgot his brother for many years; and if, at times, a recollection of his old

playfellow broke upon him through the haze in which he livedfor gold conjures up a mist about a man,

more destructive of all his old senses and lulling to his feelings than the fumes of charcoalit brought along

with it a companion thought, that if they were intimate he would want to borrow money of him. So, Mr Ralph

As for Nicholas, he lived a single man on the patrimonial estate until he grew tired of living alone, and then

he took to wife the daughter of a neighbouring gentleman with a dower of one thousand pounds. This good

lady bore him two children, a son and a daughter, and when the son was about nineteen, and the daughter

fourteen, as near as we can guessimpartial records of young ladies' ages being, before the passing of the

new act, nowhere preserved in the registries of this countryMr Nickleby looked about him for the means of

repairing his capital, now sadly reduced by this increase in his family, and the expenses of their education.

'Because, my dear, if we SHOULD lose it,' rejoined Mr Nickleby, who was a slow and timetaking speaker,

'There's Nicholas,' pursued the lady, 'quite a young manit's time he was in the way of doing something for

himself; and Kate too, poor girl, without a penny in the world. Think of your brother! Would he be what he

'That's true,' replied Mr Nickleby. 'Very good, my dear. Yes. I WILL speculate, my dear.'

Speculation is a round game; the players see little or nothing of their cards at first starting; gains MAY be

greatand so may losses. The run of luck went against Mr Nickleby. A mania prevailed, a bubble burst, four

stockbrokers took villa residences at Florence, four hundred nobodies were ruined, and among them Mr

'The very house I live in,' sighed the poor gentleman, 'may be taken from me tomorrow. Not an article of my

The last reflection hurt him so much, that he took at once to his bed; apparently resolved to keep that, at all

Mr Nickleby shook his head, and motioning them all out of the room, embraced his wife and children, and

having pressed them by turns to his languidly beating heart, sunk exhausted on his pillow. They were

concerned to find that his reason went astray after this; for he babbled, for a long time, about the generosity

and goodness of his brother, and the merry old times when they were at school together. This fit of wandering

past, he solemnly commended them to One who never deserted the widow or her fatherless children, and,

smiling gently on them, turned upon his face, and observed, that he thought he could fall asleep.

Mr Ralph Nickleby was not, strictly speaking, what you would call a merchant, neither was he a banker, nor

an attorney, nor a special pleader, nor a notary. He was certainly not a tradesman, and still less could he lay

any claim to the title of a professional gentleman; for it would have been impossible to mention any

recognised profession to which he belonged. Nevertheless, as he lived in a spacious house in Golden Square,

which, in addition to a brass plate upon the streetdoor, had another brass plate two sizes and a half smaller

upon the left hand doorpost, surrounding a brass model of an infant's fist grasping a fragment of a skewer,

and displaying the word 'Office,' it was clear that Mr Ralph Nickleby did, or pretended to do, business of

some kind; and the fact, if it required any further circumstantial evidence, was abundantly demonstrated by

the diurnal attendance, between the hours of half past nine and five, of a sallowfaced man in rusty brown,

who sat upon an uncommonly hard stool in a species of butler's pantry at the end of the passage, and always

Although a few members of the graver professions live about Golden Square, it is not exactly in anybody's

way to or from anywhere. It is one of the squares that have been; a quarter of the town that has gone down in

the world, and taken to letting lodgings. Many of its first and second floors are let, furnished, to single

gentlemen; and it takes boarders besides. It is a great resort of foreigners. The darkcomplexioned men who

wear large rings, and heavy watchguards, and bushy whiskers, and who congregate under the Opera

Colonnade, and about the boxoffice in the season, between four and five in the afternoon, when they give

away the orders,all live in Golden Square, or within a street of it. Two or three violins and a wind

instrument from the Opera band reside within its precincts. Its boardinghouses are musical, and the notes of

pianos and harps float in the evening time round the head of the mournful statue, the guardian genius of a

little wilderness of shrubs, in the centre of the square. On a summer's night, windows are thrown open, and

groups of swarthy moustached men are seen by the passerby, lounging at the casements, and smoking

fearfully. Sounds of gruff voices practising vocal music invade the evening's silence; and the fumes of choice

tobacco scent the air. There, snuff and cigars, and German pipes and flutes, and violins and violoncellos,

divide the supremacy between them. It is the region of song and smoke. Street bands are on their mettle in

Golden Square; and itinerant glee singers quaver involuntarily as they raise their voices within its

This would not seem a spot very well adapted to the transaction of business; but Mr Ralph Nickleby had lived

there, notwithstanding, for many years, and uttered no complaint on that score. He knew nobody round about,

and nobody knew him, although he enjoyed the reputation of being immensely rich. The tradesmen held that

he was a sort of lawyer, and the other neighbours opined that he was a kind of general agent; both of which

guesses were as correct and definite as guesses about other people's affairs usually are, or need to be.

Mr Ralph Nickleby sat in his private office one morning, ready dressed to walk abroad. He wore a

bottlegreen spencer over a blue coat; a white waistcoat, grey mixture pantaloons, and Wellington boots

drawn over them. The corner of a smallplaited shirtfrill struggled out, as if insisting to show itself, from

between his chin and the top button of his spencer; and the latter garment was not made low enough to

CHAPTER 2. Of Mr Ralph Nickleby, and his Establishments, and his Undertakings, and of a great Joint Stock Company of vast national Importance 8

conceal a long gold watchchain, composed of a series of plain rings, which had its beginning at the handle

of a gold repeater in Mr Nickleby's pocket, and its termination in two little keys: one belonging to the watch

itself, and the other to some patent padlock. He wore a sprinkling of powder upon his head, as if to make

himself look benevolent; but if that were his purpose, he would perhaps have done better to powder his

countenance also, for there was something in its very wrinkles, and in his cold restless eye, which seemed to

tell of cunning that would announce itself in spite of him. However this might be, there he was; and as he was

all alone, neither the powder, nor the wrinkles, nor the eyes, had the smallest effect, good or bad, upon

Mr Nickleby closed an accountbook which lay on his desk, and, throwing himself back in his chair, gazed

with an air of abstraction through the dirty window. Some London houses have a melancholy little plot of

ground behind them, usually fenced in by four high whitewashed walls, and frowned upon by stacks of

chimneys: in which there withers on, from year to year, a crippled tree, that makes a show of putting forth a

few leaves late in autumn when other trees shed theirs, and, drooping in the effort, lingers on, all crackled and

smokedried, till the following season, when it repeats the same process, and perhaps, if the weather be

particularly genial, even tempts some rheumatic sparrow to chirrup in its branches. People sometimes call

these dark yards 'gardens'; it is not supposed that they were ever planted, but rather that they are pieces of

unreclaimed land, with the withered vegetation of the original brickfield. No man thinks of walking in this

desolate place, or of turning it to any account. A few hampers, halfadozen broken bottles, and suchlike

rubbish, may be thrown there, when the tenant first moves in, but nothing more; and there they remain until

he goes away again: the damp straw taking just as long to moulder as it thinks proper: and mingling with the

scanty box, and stunted everbrowns, and broken flowerpots, that are scattered mournfully abouta prey to

It was into a place of this kind that Mr Ralph Nickleby gazed, as he sat with his hands in his pockets looking

out of the window. He had fixed his eyes upon a distorted fir tree, planted by some former tenant in a tub that

had once been green, and left there, years before, to rot away piecemeal. There was nothing very inviting in

the object, but Mr Nickleby was wrapt in a brown study, and sat contemplating it with far greater attention

than, in a more conscious mood, he would have deigned to bestow upon the rarest exotic. At length, his eyes

wandered to a little dirty window on the left, through which the face of the clerk was dimly visible; that

In obedience to this summons the clerk got off the high stool (to which he had communicated a high polish

by countless gettings off and on), and presented himself in Mr Nickleby's room. He was a tall man of middle

age, with two goggle eyes whereof one was a fixture, a rubicund nose, a cadaverous face, and a suit of clothes

(if the term be allowable when they suited him not at all) much the worse for wear, very much too small, and

placed upon such a short allowance of buttons that it was marvellous how he contrived to keep them on.

'Was that halfpast twelve, Noggs?' said Mr Nickleby, in a sharp and grating voice.

'Not more than fiveandtwenty minutes by the' Noggs was going to add publichouse clock, but

CHAPTER 2. Of Mr Ralph Nickleby, and his Establishments, and his Undertakings, and of a great Joint Stock Company of vast national Importance 9

'Well!' said Mr Nickleby, putting the repeater back in his pocket; 'perhaps it is.'

Noggs gave a peculiar grunt, as was his custom at the end of all disputes with his master, to imply that he

(Noggs) triumphed; and (as he rarely spoke to anybody unless somebody spoke to him) fell into a grim

silence, and rubbed his hands slowly over each other: cracking the joints of his fingers, and squeezing them

into all possible distortions. The incessant performance of this routine on every occasion, and the

communication of a fixed and rigid look to his unaffected eye, so as to make it uniform with the other, and to

render it impossible for anybody to determine where or at what he was looking, were two among the

numerous peculiarities of Mr Noggs, which struck an inexperienced observer at first sight.

Mr Nickleby nodded. 'I expect a letter from the solicitor respecting that mortgage of Ruddle's. If it comes at

all, it will be here by the two o'clock delivery. I shall leave the city about that time and walk to Charing Cross

on the lefthand side of the way; if there are any letters, come and meet me, and bring them with you.'

Noggs nodded; and as he nodded, there came a ring at the office bell. The master looked up from his papers,

Noggs gave vent to his usual grunt, as much as to say 'I thought so!' and, the ring being repeated, went to the

door, whence he presently returned, ushering in, by the name of Mr Bonney, a pale gentleman in a violent

hurry, who, with his hair standing up in great disorder all over his head, and a very narrow white cravat tied

loosely round his throat, looked as if he had been knocked up in the night and had not dressed himself since.

'My dear Nickleby,' said the gentleman, taking off a white hat which was so full of papers that it would

scarcely stick upon his head, 'there's not a moment to lose; I have a cab at the door. Sir Matthew Pupker takes

the chair, and three members of Parliament are positively coming. I have seen two of them safely out of bed.

The third, who was at Crockford's all night, has just gone home to put a clean shirt on, and take a bottle or

two of soda water, and will certainly be with us, in time to address the meeting. He is a little excited by last

'It seems to promise pretty well,' said Mr Ralph Nickleby, whose deliberate manner was strongly opposed to

CHAPTER 2. Of Mr Ralph Nickleby, and his Establishments, and his Undertakings, and of a great Joint Stock Company of vast national Importance 10

'Pretty well!' echoed Mr Bonney. 'It's the finest idea that was ever started. "United Metropolitan Improved

Hot Muffin and Crumpet Baking and Punctual Delivery Company. Capital, five millions, in five hundred

thousand shares of ten pounds each." Why the very name will get the shares up to a premium in ten days.'

'When they are, you know what to do with them as well as any man alive, and how to back quietly out at the

right time,' said Mr Bonney, slapping the capitalist familiarly on the shoulder. 'By thebye, what a VERY

'Yes, poor devil!' replied Ralph, drawing on his gloves. 'Though Newman Noggs kept his horses and hounds

'Yes,' continued Ralph, 'and not many years ago either; but he squandered his money, invested it anyhow,

borrowed at interest, and in short made first a thorough fool of himself, and then a beggar. He took to

drinking, and had a touch of paralysis, and then came here to borrow a pound, as in his better days I had'

'But as I wanted a clerk just then, to open the door and so forth, I took him out of charity, and he has

remained with me ever since. He is a little mad, I think,' said Mr Nickleby, calling up a charitable look, 'but

The kindhearted gentleman omitted to add that Newman Noggs, being utterly destitute, served him for

rather less than the usual wages of a boy of thirteen; and likewise failed to mention in his hasty chronicle, that

his eccentric taciturnity rendered him an especially valuable person in a place where much business was

done, of which it was desirable no mention should be made out of doors. The other gentleman was plainly

impatient to be gone, however, and as they hurried into the hackney cabriolet immediately afterwards,

There was a great bustle in Bishopsgate Street Within, as they drew up, and (it being a windy day)

halfadozen men were tacking across the road under a press of paper, bearing gigantic announcements that

a Public Meeting would be holden at one o'clock precisely, to take into consideration the propriety of

petitioning Parliament in favour of the United Metropolitan Improved Hot Muffin and Crumpet Baking and

Punctual Delivery Company, capital five millions, in five hundred thousand shares of ten pounds each; which

sums were duly set forth in fat black figures of considerable size. Mr Bonney elbowed his way briskly

upstairs, receiving in his progress many low bows from the waiters who stood on the landings to show the

way; and, followed by Mr Nickleby, dived into a suite of apartments behind the great public room: in the

second of which was a businesslooking table, and several businesslooking people.

'Hear!' cried a gentleman with a double chin, as Mr Bonney presented himself. 'Chair, gentlemen, chair!'

The newcomers were received with universal approbation, and Mr Bonney bustled up to the top of the table,

took off his hat, ran his fingers through his hair, and knocked a hackneycoachman's knock on the table with

a little hammer: whereat several gentlemen cried 'Hear!' and nodded slightly to each other, as much as to say

CHAPTER 2. Of Mr Ralph Nickleby, and his Establishments, and his Undertakings, and of a great Joint Stock Company of vast national Importance 11

what spirited conduct that was. Just at this moment, a waiter, feverish with agitation, tore into the room, and

The committee stood up and clapped their hands for joy, and while they were clapping them, in came Sir

Matthew Pupker, attended by two live members of Parliament, one Irish and one Scotch, all smiling and

bowing, and looking so pleasant that it seemed a perfect marvel how any man could have the heart to vote

against them. Sir Matthew Pupker especially, who had a little round head with a flaxen wig on the top of it,

fell into such a paroxysm of bows, that the wig threatened to be jerked off, every instant. When these

symptoms had in some degree subsided, the gentlemen who were on speaking terms with Sir Matthew

Pupker, or the two other members, crowded round them in three little groups, near one or other of which the

gentlemen who were NOT on speaking terms with Sir Matthew Pupker or the two other members, stood

lingering, and smiling, and rubbing their hands, in the desperate hope of something turning up which might

bring them into notice. All this time, Sir Matthew Pupker and the two other members were relating to their

separate circles what the intentions of government were, about taking up the bill; with a full account of what

the government had said in a whisper the last time they dined with it, and how the government had been

observed to wink when it said so; from which premises they were at no loss to draw the conclusion, that if the

government had one object more at heart than another, that one object was the welfare and advantage of the

United Metropolitan Improved Hot Muffin and Crumpet Baking and Punctual Delivery Company.

Meanwhile, and pending the arrangement of the proceedings, and a fair division of the speechifying, the

public in the large room were eyeing, by turns, the empty platform, and the ladies in the Music Gallery. In

these amusements the greater portion of them had been occupied for a couple of hours before, and as the most

agreeable diversions pall upon the taste on a too protracted enjoyment of them, the sterner spirits now began

to hammer the floor with their bootheels, and to express their dissatisfaction by various hoots and cries.

These vocal exertions, emanating from the people who had been there longest, naturally proceeded from

those who were nearest to the platform and furthest from the policemen in attendance, who having no great

mind to fight their way through the crowd, but entertaining nevertheless a praiseworthy desire to do

something to quell the disturbance, immediately began to drag forth, by the coat tails and collars, all the quiet

people near the door; at the same time dealing out various smart and tingling blows with their truncheons,

after the manner of that ingenious actor, Mr Punch: whose brilliant example, both in the fashion of his

Several very exciting skirmishes were in progress, when a loud shout attracted the attention even of the

belligerents, and then there poured on to the platform, from a door at the side, a long line of gentlemen with

their hats off, all looking behind them, and uttering vociferous cheers; the cause whereof was sufficiently

explained when Sir Matthew Pupker and the two other real members of Parliament came to the front, amidst

deafening shouts, and testified to each other in dumb motions that they had never seen such a glorious sight

At length, and at last, the assembly left off shouting, but Sir Matthew Pupker being voted into the chair, they

underwent a relapse which lasted five minutes. This over, Sir Matthew Pupker went on to say what must be

his feelings on that great occasion, and what must be that occasion in the eyes of the world, and what must be

the intelligence of his fellowcountrymen before him, and what must be the wealth and respectability of his

honourable friends behind him, and lastly, what must be the importance to the wealth, the happiness, the

comfort, the liberty, the very existence of a free and great people, of such an Institution as the United

Metropolitan Improved Hot Muffin and Crumpet Baking and Punctual Delivery Company!

Mr Bonney then presented himself to move the first resolution; and having run his right hand through his

hair, and planted his left, in an easy manner, in his ribs, he consigned his hat to the care of the gentleman with

the double chin (who acted as a species of bottle holder to the orators generally), and said he would read to

them the first resolution'That this meeting views with alarm and apprehension, the existing state of the

CHAPTER 2. Of Mr Ralph Nickleby, and his Establishments, and his Undertakings, and of a great Joint Stock Company of vast national Importance 12

Muffin Trade in this Metropolis and its neighbourhood; that it considers the Muffin Boys, as at present

constituted, wholly underserving the confidence of the public; and that it deems the whole Muffin system

alike prejudicial to the health and morals of the people, and subversive of the best interests of a great

commercial and mercantile community.' The honourable gentleman made a speech which drew tears from the

eyes of the ladies, and awakened the liveliest emotions in every individual present. He had visited the houses

of the poor in the various districts of London, and had found them destitute of the slightest vestige of a

muffin, which there appeared too much reason to believe some of these indigent persons did not taste from

year's end to year's end. He had found that among muffinsellers there existed drunkenness, debauchery, and

profligacy, which he attributed to the debasing nature of their employment as at present exercised; he had

found the same vices among the poorer class of people who ought to be muffin consumers; and this he

attributed to the despair engendered by their being placed beyond the reach of that nutritious article, which

drove them to seek a false stimulant in intoxicating liquors. He would undertake to prove before a committee

of the House of Commons, that there existed a combination to keep up the price of muffins, and to give the

bellmen a monopoly; he would prove it by bellmen at the bar of that House; and he would also prove, that

these men corresponded with each other by secret words and signs as 'Snooks,' 'Walker,' 'Ferguson,' 'Is

Murphy right?' and many others. It was this melancholy state of things that the Company proposed to correct;

firstly, by prohibiting, under heavy penalties, all private muffin trading of every description; secondly, by

themselves supplying the public generally, and the poor at their own homes, with muffins of first quality at

reduced prices. It was with this object that a bill had been introduced into Parliament by their patriotic

chairman Sir Matthew Pupker; it was this bill that they had met to support; it was the supporters of this bill

who would confer undying brightness and splendour upon England, under the name of the United

Metropolitan Improved Hot Muffin and Crumpet Baking and Punctual Delivery Company; he would add,

with a capital of Five Millions, in five hundred thousand shares of ten pounds each.

Mr Ralph Nickleby seconded the resolution, and another gentleman having moved that it be amended by the

insertion of the words 'and crumpet' after the word 'muffin,' whenever it occurred, it was carried triumphantly.

Only one man in the crowd cried 'No!' and he was promptly taken into custody, and straightway borne off.

The second resolution, which recognised the expediency of immediately abolishing 'all muffin (or crumpet)

sellers, all traders in muffins (or crumpets) of whatsoever description, whether male or female, boys or men,

ringing handbells or otherwise,' was moved by a grievous gentleman of semiclerical appearance, who went

at once into such deep pathetics, that he knocked the first speaker clean out of the course in no time. You

might have heard a pin falla pin! a featheras he described the cruelties inflicted on muffin boys by their

masters, which he very wisely urged were in themselves a sufficient reason for the establishment of that

inestimable company. It seemed that the unhappy youths were nightly turned out into the wet streets at the

most inclement periods of the year, to wander about, in darkness and rainor it might be hail or snowfor

hours together, without shelter, food, or warmth; and let the public never forget upon the latter point, that

while the muffins were provided with warm clothing and blankets, the boys were wholly unprovided for, and

left to their own miserable resources. (Shame!) The honourable gentleman related one case of a muffin boy,

who having been exposed to this inhuman and barbarous system for no less than five years, at length fell a

victim to a cold in the head, beneath which he gradually sunk until he fell into a perspiration and recovered;

this he could vouch for, on his own authority, but he had heard (and he had no reason to doubt the fact) of a

still more heartrending and appalling circumstance. He had heard of the case of an orphan muffin boy, who,

having been run over by a hackney carriage, had been removed to the hospital, had undergone the amputation

of his leg below the knee, and was now actually pursuing his occupation on crutches. Fountain of justice,

This was the department of the subject that took the meeting, and this was the style of speaking to enlist their

sympathies. The men shouted; the ladies wept into their pockethandkerchiefs till they were moist, and

waved them till they were dry; the excitement was tremendous; and Mr Nickleby whispered his friend that

CHAPTER 2. Of Mr Ralph Nickleby, and his Establishments, and his Undertakings, and of a great Joint Stock Company of vast national Importance 13

The resolution was, of course, carried with loud acclamations, every man holding up both hands in favour of

it, as he would in his enthusiasm have held up both legs also, if he could have conveniently accomplished it.

This done, the draft of the proposed petition was read at length: and the petition said, as all petitions DO say,

that the petitioners were very humble, and the petitioned very honourable, and the object very virtuous;

therefore (said the petition) the bill ought to be passed into a law at once, to the everlasting honour and glory

of that most honourable and glorious Commons of England in Parliament assembled.

Then, the gentleman who had been at Crockford's all night, and who looked something the worse about the

eyes in consequence, came forward to tell his fellowcountrymen what a speech he meant to make in favour

of that petition whenever it should be presented, and how desperately he meant to taunt the parliament if they

rejected the bill; and to inform them also, that he regretted his honourable friends had not inserted a clause

rendering the purchase of muffins and crumpets compulsory upon all classes of the community, which he

opposing all halfmeasures, and preferring to go the extreme animal pledged himself to propose and

divide upon, in committee. After announcing this determination, the honourable gentleman grew jocular; and

as patent boots, lemoncoloured kid gloves, and a fur coat collar, assist jokes materially, there was immense

laughter and much cheering, and moreover such a brilliant display of ladies' pockethandkerchiefs, as threw

And when the petition had been read and was about to be adopted, there came forward the Irish member (who

was a young gentleman of ardent temperament,) with such a speech as only an Irish member can make,

breathing the true soul and spirit of poetry, and poured forth with such fervour, that it made one warm to look

at him; in the course whereof, he told them how he would demand the extension of that great boon to his

native country; how he would claim for her equal rights in the muffin laws as in all other laws; and how he

yet hoped to see the day when crumpets should be toasted in her lowly cabins, and muffin bells should ring in

her rich green valleys. And, after him, came the Scotch member, with various pleasant allusions to the

probable amount of profits, which increased the good humour that the poetry had awakened; and all the

speeches put together did exactly what they were intended to do, and established in the hearers' minds that

there was no speculation so promising, or at the same time so praiseworthy, as the United Metropolitan

So, the petition in favour of the bill was agreed upon, and the meeting adjourned with acclamations, and Mr

Nickleby and the other directors went to the office to lunch, as they did every day at halfpast one o'clock;

and to remunerate themselves for which trouble, (as the company was yet in its infancy,) they only charged

Having rendered his zealous assistance towards dispatching the lunch, with all that promptitude and energy

which are among the most important qualities that men of business can possess, Mr Ralph Nickleby took a

cordial farewell of his fellowspeculators, and bent his steps westward in unwonted good humour. As he

passed St Paul's he stepped aside into a doorway to set his watch, and with his hand on the key and his eye on

the cathedral dial, was intent upon so doing, when a man suddenly stopped before him. It was Newman

'Ah! Newman,' said Mr Nickleby, looking up as he pursued his occupation. 'The letter about the mortgage has

'What! and nobody called respecting it?' inquired Mr Nickleby, pausing. Noggs shook his head.

'This,' said Newman, drawing a sealed letter slowly from his pocket. 'Postmark, Strand, black wax, black

'Black wax?' said Mr Nickleby, glancing at the letter. 'I know something of that hand, too. Newman, I

Mr Nickleby snatched the letter from his assistant, and fixing a cold look upon him, opened, read it, put it in

his pocket, and having now hit the time to a second, began winding up his watch.

'It is as I expected, Newman,' said Mr Nickleby, while he was thus engaged. 'He IS dead. Dear me! Well,

that's sudden thing. I shouldn't have thought it, really.' With these touching expressions of sorrow, Mr

Nickleby replaced his watch in his fob, and, fitting on his gloves to a nicety, turned upon his way, and walked

'Why, that's the very thing,' replied Mr Nickleby, as though his thoughts were about them at that moment.

'And the widow, too,' added Mr Nickleby, 'and all three in London, confound them; all three here, Newman.'

Newman fell a little behind his master, and his face was curiously twisted as by a spasm; but whether of

paralysis, or grief, or inward laughter, nobody but himself could possibly explain. The expression of a man's

face is commonly a help to his thoughts, or glossary on his speech; but the countenance of Newman Noggs,

'Go home!' said Mr Nickleby, after they had walked a few paces: looking round at the clerk as if he were his

dog. The words were scarcely uttered when Newman darted across the road, slunk among the crowd, and

'Reasonable, certainly!' muttered Mr Nickleby to himself, as he walked on, 'very reasonable! My brother

never did anything for me, and I never expected it; the breath is no sooner out of his body than I am to be

looked to, as the support of a great hearty woman, and a grown boy and girl. What are they to me! I never

Full of these, and many other reflections of a similar kind, Mr Nickleby made the best of his way to the

Strand, and, referring to his letter as if to ascertain the number of the house he wanted, stopped at a private

A miniature painter lived there, for there was a large gilt frame screwed upon the streetdoor, in which were

displayed, upon a black velvet ground, two portraits of naval dress coats with faces looking out of them, and

telescopes attached; one of a young gentleman in a very vermilion uniform, flourishing a sabre; and one of a

literary character with a high forehead, a pen and ink, six books, and a curtain. There was, moreover, a

touching representation of a young lady reading a manuscript in an unfathomable forest, and a charming

whole length of a largeheaded little boy, sitting on a stool with his legs foreshortened to the size of

saltspoons. Besides these works of art, there were a great many heads of old ladies and gentlemen smirking

at each other out of blue and brown skies, and an elegantly written card of terms with an embossed border.

Mr Nickleby glanced at these frivolities with great contempt, and gave a double knock, which, having been

Mr Nickleby looked very indignant at the handmaid on being thus corrected, and demanded with much

asperity what she meant; which she was about to state, when a female voice proceeding from a perpendicular

'It's the second floor, Hannah,' said the same voice; 'what a stupid thing you are! Is the second floor at home?'

'Somebody went out just now, but I think it was the attic which had been a cleaning of himself,' replied the

'You had better see,' said the invisible female. 'Show the gentleman where the bell is, and tell him he mustn't

knock double knocks for the second floor; I can't allow a knock except when the bell's broke, and then it must

'Here,' said Ralph, walking in without more parley, 'I beg your pardon; is that Mrs La what'shername?'

'CreevyLa Creevy,' replied the voice, as a yellow headdress bobbed over the banisters.

The voice replied that the gentleman was to walk up; but he had walked up before it spoke, and stepping into

the first floor, was received by the wearer of the yellow headdress, who had a gown to correspond, and was

of much the same colour herself. Miss La Creevy was a mincing young lady of fifty, and Miss La Creevy's

apartment was the gilt frame downstairs on a larger scale and something dirtier.

'Hem!' said Miss La Creevy, coughing delicately behind her black silk mitten. 'A miniature, I presume. A

very stronglymarked countenance for the purpose, sir. Have you ever sat before?'

'You mistake my purpose, I see, ma'am,' replied Mr Nickleby, in his usual blunt fashion. 'I have no money to

throw away on miniatures, ma'am, and nobody to give one to (thank God) if I had. Seeing you on the stairs, I

Miss La Creevy coughed once morethis cough was to conceal her disappointmentand said, 'Oh, indeed!'

'I infer from what you said to your servant, that the floor above belongs to you, ma'am,' said Mr Nickleby.

Yes it did, Miss La Creevy replied. The upper part of the house belonged to her, and as she had no necessity

for the secondfloor rooms just then, she was in the habit of letting them. Indeed, there was a lady from the

'A POOR widow, ma'am,' said Ralph, with a powerful emphasis on that little adjective which conveys so

'I happen to know that she is, ma'am,' said Ralph. 'Now, what business has a poor widow in such a house as

'Very true,' replied Miss La Creevy, not at all displeased with this implied compliment to the apartments.

'I know her circumstances intimately, ma'am,' said Ralph; 'in fact, I am a relation of the family; and I should

'I should hope, if there was any incompatibility to meet the pecuniary obligations,' said Miss La Creevy with

'If I am to understand that,' said Miss La Creevy, 'the case wears a very different appearance.'

'You may understand it then, ma'am,' said Ralph, 'and make your arrangements accordingly. I am the family,

ma'amat least, I believe I am the only relation they have, and I think it right that you should know I can't

support them in their extravagances. How long have they taken these lodgings for?'

'Only from week to week,' replied Miss La Creevy. 'Mrs Nickleby paid the first week in advance.'

'Then you had better get them out at the end of it,' said Ralph. 'They can't do better than go back to the

'Certainly,' said Miss La Creevy, rubbing her hands, 'if Mrs Nickleby took the apartments without the means

'And naturally,' continued Miss La Creevy, 'I who am, AT PRESENT heman unprotected female,

'Though at the same time,' added Miss La Creevy, who was plainly wavering between her goodnature and

her interest, 'I have nothing whatever to say against the lady, who is extremely pleasant and affable, though,

poor thing, she seems terribly low in her spirits; nor against the young people either, for nicer, or

'Very well, ma'am,' said Ralph, turning to the door, for these encomiums on poverty irritated him; 'I have

done my duty, and perhaps more than I ought: of course nobody will thank me for saying what I have.'

'I am sure I am very much obliged to you at least, sir,' said Miss La Creevy in a gracious manner. 'Would you

'You're very good, ma'am,' said Mr Nickleby, making off with great speed; 'but as I have a visit to pay

'At any other time when you are passing, I shall be most happy,' said Miss La Creevy. 'Perhaps you will have

'Goodmorning, ma'am,' said Ralph, shutting the door abruptly after him to prevent any further conversation.

Climbing up another perpendicular flight, composed with great mechanical ingenuity of nothing but corner

stairs, Mr Ralph Nickleby stopped to take breath on the landing, when he was overtaken by the handmaid,

whom the politeness of Miss La Creevy had dispatched to announce him, and who had apparently been

making a variety of unsuccessful attempts, since their last interview, to wipe her dirty face clean, upon an

'Oh! Mrs Nickleby,' said the girl, throwing open the door, 'here's Mr Nickleby.'

A lady in deep mourning rose as Mr Ralph Nickleby entered, but appeared incapable of advancing to meet

him, and leant upon the arm of a slight but very beautiful girl of about seventeen, who had been sitting by

her. A youth, who appeared a year or two older, stepped forward and saluted Ralph as his uncle.

'Put my hat down,' said Ralph, imperiously. 'Well, ma'am, how do you do? You must bear up against sorrow,

'Mine was no common loss!' said Mrs Nickleby, applying her handkerchief to her eyes.

'It was no UNcommon loss, ma'am,' returned Ralph, as he coolly unbuttoned his spencer. 'Husbands die every

'Yes, sir, and puppies, and pugdogs likewise,' replied his uncle, taking a chair. 'You didn't mention in your

'The doctors could attribute it to no particular disease,' said Mrs Nickleby; shedding tears. 'We have too much

'Pooh!' said Ralph, 'there's no such thing. I can understand a man's dying of a broken neck, or suffering from

a broken arm, or a broken head, or a broken leg, or a broken nose; but a broken heart! nonsense, it's the

cant of the day. If a man can't pay his debts, he dies of a broken heart, and his widow's a martyr.'

'How old is this boy, for God's sake?' inquired Ralph, wheeling back his chair, and surveying his nephew

'You'd have little enough to live upon, if you did,' retorted the uncle, eyeing him contemptuously.

'Whatever it be,' said Nicholas, flushed with anger, 'I shall not look to you to make it more.'

'Hold your tongue, sir,' said Ralph. 'Upon my word! Fine beginnings, Mrs Nicklebyfine beginnings!'

Mrs Nickleby made no other reply than entreating Nicholas by a gesture to keep silent; and the uncle and

nephew looked at each other for some seconds without speaking. The face of the old man was stern,

hardfeatured, and forbidding; that of the young one, open, handsome, and ingenuous. The old man's eye was

keen with the twinklings of avarice and cunning; the young man's bright with the light of intelligence and

spirit. His figure was somewhat slight, but manly and well formed; and, apart from all the grace of youth and

comeliness, there was an emanation from the warm young heart in his look and bearing which kept the old

However striking such a contrast as this may be to lookerson, none ever feel it with half the keenness or

acuteness of perfection with which it strikes to the very soul of him whose inferiority it marks. It galled Ralph

The mutual inspection was at length brought to a close by Ralph withdrawing his eyes, with a great show of

disdain, and calling Nicholas 'a boy.' This word is much used as a term of reproach by elderly gentlemen

towards their juniors: probably with the view of deluding society into the belief that if they could be young

'Well, ma'am,' said Ralph, impatiently, 'the creditors have administered, you tell me, and there's nothing left

'And you spent what little money you had, in coming all the way to London, to see what I could do for you?'

'I hoped,' faltered Mrs Nickleby, 'that you might have an opportunity of doing something for your brother's

'I don't know how it is,' muttered Ralph, walking up and down the room, 'but whenever a man dies without

any property of his own, he always seems to think he has a right to dispose of other people's. What is your

'Kate has been well educated,' sobbed Mrs Nickleby. 'Tell your uncle, my dear, how far you went in French

The poor girl was about to murmur something, when her uncle stopped her, very unceremoniously.

'We must try and get you apprenticed at some boardingschool,' said Ralph. 'You have not been brought up

'No, indeed, uncle,' replied the weeping girl. 'I will try to do anything that will gain me a home and bread.'

'Well, well,' said Ralph, a little softened, either by his niece's beauty or her distress (stretch a point, and say

the latter). 'You must try it, and if the life is too hard, perhaps dressmaking or tambourwork will come

'No, I thought not!' said Ralph. 'This is the way my brother brought up his children, ma'am.'

'Nicholas has not long completed such education as his poor father could give him,' rejoined Mrs Nickleby,

'Of making something of him someday,' said Ralph. 'The old story; always thinking, and never doing. If my

brother had been a man of activity and prudence, he might have left you a rich woman, ma'am: and if he had

turned his son into the world, as my father turned me, when I wasn't as old as that boy by a year and a half, he

would have been in a situation to help you, instead of being a burden upon you, and increasing your distress.

My brother was a thoughtless, inconsiderate man, Mrs Nickleby, and nobody, I am sure, can have better

This appeal set the widow upon thinking that perhaps she might have made a more successful venture with

her one thousand pounds, and then she began to reflect what a comfortable sum it would have been just then;

which dismal thoughts made her tears flow faster, and in the excess of these griefs she (being a wellmeaning

woman enough, but weak withal) fell first to deploring her hard fate, and then to remarking, with many sobs,

that to be sure she had been a slave to poor Nicholas, and had often told him she might have married better

(as indeed she had, very often), and that she never knew in his lifetime how the money went, but that if he

had confided in her they might all have been better off that day; with other bitter recollections common to

most married ladies, either during their coverture, or afterwards, or at both periods. Mrs Nickleby concluded

by lamenting that the dear departed had never deigned to profit by her advice, save on one occasion; which

was a strictly veracious statement, inasmuch as he had only acted upon it once, and had ruined himself in

Mr Ralph Nickleby heard all this with a halfsmile; and when the widow had finished, quietly took up the

'Then see here, sir,' said his uncle. 'This caught my eye this morning, and you may thank your stars for it.'

With this exordium, Mr Ralph Nickleby took a newspaper from his pocket, and after unfolding it, and

'"EDUCATION.At Mr Wackford Squeers's Academy, Dotheboys Hall, at the delightful village of

Dotheboys, near Greta Bridge in Yorkshire, Youth are boarded, clothed, booked, furnished with

pocketmoney, provided with all necessaries, instructed in all languages living and dead, mathematics,

orthography, geometry, astronomy, trigonometry, the use of the globes, algebra, single stick (if required),

writing, arithmetic, fortification, and every other branch of classical literature. Terms, twenty guineas per

annum. No extras, no vacations, and diet unparalleled. Mr Squeers is in town, and attends daily, from one till

four, at the Saracen's Head, Snow Hill. N.B. An able assistant wanted. Annual salary 5 pounds. A Master of

'There!' said Ralph, folding the paper again. 'Let him get that situation, and his fortune is made.'

'But the salary is so small, and it is such a long way off, uncle!' faltered Kate.

'I say,' repeated Ralph, tartly, 'let him get that situation, and his fortune is made. If he don't like that, let him

get one for himself. Without friends, money, recommendation, or knowledge of business of any kind, let him

find honest employment in London, which will keep him in shoe leather, and I'll give him a thousand pounds.

'Don't tease your uncle with questions when he is thinking only for our good, my love,' said Mrs Nickleby.

'Yes, mother, yes,' said Nicholas, who had hitherto remained silent and absorbed in thought. 'If I am fortunate

enough to be appointed to this post, sir, for which I am so imperfectly qualified, what will become of those I

'Your mother and sister, sir,' replied Ralph, 'will be provided for, in that case (not otherwise), by me, and

placed in some sphere of life in which they will be able to be independent. That will be my immediate care;

they will not remain as they are, one week after your departure, I will undertake.'

'Then,' said Nicholas, starting gaily up, and wringing his uncle's hand, 'I am ready to do anything you wish

'He won't do that,' said Ralph. 'He will be glad to have you on my recommendation. Make yourself of use to

him, and you'll rise to be a partner in the establishment in no time. Bless me, only think! if he were to die,

'To be sure, I see it all,' said poor Nicholas, delighted with a thousand visionary ideas, that his good spirits

and his inexperience were conjuring up before him. 'Or suppose some young nobleman who is being

educated at the Hall, were to take a fancy to me, and get his father to appoint me his travelling tutor when he

left, and when we come back from the continent, procured me some handsome appointment. Eh! uncle?'

'And who knows, but when he came to see me when I was settled (as he would of course), he might fall in

love with Kate, who would be keeping my house, andand marry her, eh! uncle? Who knows?'

'How happy we should be!' cried Nicholas with enthusiasm. 'The pain of parting is nothing to the joy of

meeting again. Kate will be a beautiful woman, and I so proud to hear them say so, and mother so happy to be

with us once again, and all these sad times forgotten, and' The picture was too bright a one to bear, and

This simple family, born and bred in retirement, and wholly unacquainted with what is called the worlda

conventional phrase which, being interpreted, often signifieth all the rascals in it mingled their tears

together at the thought of their first separation; and, this first gush of feeling over, were proceeding to dilate

with all the buoyancy of untried hope on the bright prospects before them, when Mr Ralph Nickleby

suggested, that if they lost time, some more fortunate candidate might deprive Nicholas of the steppingstone

to fortune which the advertisement pointed out, and so undermine all their airbuilt castles. This timely

reminder effectually stopped the conversation. Nicholas, having carefully copied the address of Mr Squeers,

the uncle and nephew issued forth together in quest of that accomplished gentleman; Nicholas firmly

persuading himself that he had done his relative great injustice in disliking him at first sight; and Mrs

Nickleby being at some pains to inform her daughter that she was sure he was a much more kindly disposed

person than he seemed; which, Miss Nickleby dutifully remarked, he might very easily be.

To tell the truth, the good lady's opinion had been not a little influenced by her brotherinlaw's appeal to her

better understanding, and his implied compliment to her high deserts; and although she had dearly loved her

husband, and still doted on her children, he had struck so successfully on one of those little jarring chords in

the human heart (Ralph was well acquainted with its worst weaknesses, though he knew nothing of its best),

that she had already begun seriously to consider herself the amiable and suffering victim of her late husband's

Snow Hill! What kind of place can the quiet townspeople who see the words emblazoned, in all the legibility

of gilt letters and dark shading, on the northcountry coaches, take Snow Hill to be? All people have some

CHAPTER 4. Nicholas and his Uncle (to secure the Fortune without loss of time) wait upon Mr Wackford Squeers, the Yorkshire Schoolmaster 22

undefined and shadowy notion of a place whose name is frequently before their eyes, or often in their ears.

What a vast number of random ideas there must be perpetually floating about, regarding this same Snow Hill.

The name is such a good one. Snow HillSnow Hill too, coupled with a Saracen's Head: picturing to us by a

double association of ideas, something stern and rugged! A bleak desolate tract of country, open to piercing

blasts and fierce wintry stormsa dark, cold, gloomy heath, lonely by day, and scarcely to be thought of by

honest folks at nighta place which solitary wayfarers shun, and where desperate robbers congregate;

this, or something like this, should be the prevalent notion of Snow Hill, in those remote and rustic parts,

through which the Saracen's Head, like some grim apparition, rushes each day and night with mysterious and

ghostlike punctuality; holding its swift and headlong course in all weathers, and seeming to bid defiance to

The reality is rather different, but by no means to be despised notwithstanding. There, at the very core of

London, in the heart of its business and animation, in the midst of a whirl of noise and motion: stemming as it

were the giant currents of life that flow ceaselessly on from different quarters, and meet beneath its walls:

stands Newgate; and in that crowded street on which it frowns so darklywithin a few feet of the squalid

tottering housesupon the very spot on which the vendors of soup and fish and damaged fruit are now

plying their tradesscores of human beings, amidst a roar of sounds to which even the tumult of a great city

is as nothing, four, six, or eight strong men at a time, have been hurried violently and swiftly from the world,

when the scene has been rendered frightful with excess of human life; when curious eyes have glared from

casement and housetop, and wall and pillar; and when, in the mass of white and upturned faces, the dying

wretch, in his allcomprehensive look of agony, has met not onenot onethat bore the impress of pity or

Near to the jail, and by consequence near to Smithfield also, and the Compter, and the bustle and noise of the

city; and just on that particular part of Snow Hill where omnibus horses going eastward seriously think of

falling down on purpose, and where horses in hackney cabriolets going westward not unfrequently fall by

accident, is the coachyard of the Saracen's Head Inn; its portal guarded by two Saracens' heads and

shoulders, which it was once the pride and glory of the choice spirits of this metropolis to pull down at night,

but which have for some time remained in undisturbed tranquillity; possibly because this species of humour

is now confined to St James's parish, where door knockers are preferred as being more portable, and

bellwires esteemed as convenient toothpicks. Whether this be the reason or not, there they are, frowning

upon you from each side of the gateway. The inn itself garnished with another Saracen's Head, frowns upon

you from the top of the yard; while from the door of the hind boot of all the red coaches that are standing

therein, there glares a small Saracen's Head, with a twin expression to the large Saracens' Heads below, so

When you walk up this yard, you will see the bookingoffice on your left, and the tower of St Sepulchre's

church, darting abruptly up into the sky, on your right, and a gallery of bedrooms on both sides. Just before

you, you will observe a long window with the words 'coffeeroom' legibly painted above it; and looking out

of that window, you would have seen in addition, if you had gone at the right time, Mr Wackford Squeers

Mr Squeers's appearance was not prepossessing. He had but one eye, and the popular prejudice runs in favour

of two. The eye he had, was unquestionably useful, but decidedly not ornamental: being of a greenish grey,

and in shape resembling the fanlight of a street door. The blank side of his face was much wrinkled and

puckered up, which gave him a very sinister appearance, especially when he smiled, at which times his

expression bordered closely on the villainous. His hair was very flat and shiny, save at the ends, where it was

brushed stiffly up from a low protruding forehead, which assorted well with his harsh voice and coarse

manner. He was about two or three and fifty, and a trifle below the middle size; he wore a white neckerchief

with long ends, and a suit of scholastic black; but his coat sleeves being a great deal too long, and his trousers

a great deal too short, he appeared ill at ease in his clothes, and as if he were in a perpetual state of

CHAPTER 4. Nicholas and his Uncle (to secure the Fortune without loss of time) wait upon Mr Wackford Squeers, the Yorkshire Schoolmaster 23

Mr Squeers was standing in a box by one of the coffeeroom fire places, fitted with one such table as is

usually seen in coffee rooms, and two of extraordinary shapes and dimensions made to suit the angles of the

partition. In a corner of the seat, was a very small deal trunk, tied round with a scanty piece of cord; and on

the trunk was perchedhis laceup halfboots and corduroy trousers dangling in the aira diminutive boy,

with his shoulders drawn up to his ears, and his hands planted on his knees, who glanced timidly at the

'Halfpast three,' muttered Mr Squeers, turning from the window, and looking sulkily at the coffeeroom

Much vexed by this reflection, Mr Squeers looked at the little boy to see whether he was doing anything he

could beat him for. As he happened not to be doing anything at all, he merely boxed his ears, and told him

'At Midsummer,' muttered Mr Squeers, resuming his complaint, 'I took down ten boys; ten twenties is two

hundred pound. I go back at eight o'clock tomorrow morning, and have got only threethree oughts is an

oughtthree twos is sixsixty pound. What's come of all the boys? what's parents got in their heads? what

'Please sir, I sneezed,' rejoined the boy, trembling till the little trunk shook under him.

'Oh! sneezed, did you?' retorted Mr Squeers. 'Then what did you say "nothing" for, sir?'

In default of a better answer to this question, the little boy screwed a couple of knuckles into each of his eyes

and began to cry, wherefore Mr Squeers knocked him off the trunk with a blow on one side of the face, and

'Wait till I get you down into Yorkshire, my young gentleman,' said Mr Squeers, 'and then I'll give you the

'Yeyeyes,' sobbed the little boy, rubbing his face very hard with the Beggar's Petition in printed calico.

As this admonition was accompanied with a threatening gesture, and uttered with a savage aspect, the little

boy rubbed his face harder, as if to keep the tears back; and, beyond alternately sniffing and choking, gave no

'Mr Squeers,' said the waiter, looking in at this juncture; 'here's a gentleman asking for you at the bar.'

'Show the gentleman in, Richard,' replied Mr Squeers, in a soft voice. 'Put your handkerchief in your pocket,

CHAPTER 4. Nicholas and his Uncle (to secure the Fortune without loss of time) wait upon Mr Wackford Squeers, the Yorkshire Schoolmaster 24

The schoolmaster had scarcely uttered these words in a fierce whisper, when the stranger entered. Affecting

not to see him, Mr Squeers feigned to be intent upon mending a pen, and offering benevolent advice to his

'My dear child,' said Mr Squeers, 'all people have their trials. This early trial of yours that is fit to make your

little heart burst, and your very eyes come out of your head with crying, what is it? Nothing; less than

nothing. You are leaving your friends, but you will have a father in me, my dear, and a mother in Mrs

Squeers. At the delightful village of Dotheboys, near Greta Bridge in Yorkshire, where youth are boarded,

clothed, booked, washed, furnished with pocketmoney, provided with all necessaries'

'It IS the gentleman,' observed the stranger, stopping the schoolmaster in the rehearsal of his advertisement.

'Morning Post, Chronicle, Herald, and Advertiser, regarding the Academy called Dotheboys Hall at the

delightful village of Dotheboys, near Greta Bridge in Yorkshire,' added Mr Squeers. 'You come on business,

sir. I see by my young friends. How do you do, my little gentleman? and how do you do, sir?' With this

salutation Mr Squeers patted the heads of two holloweyed, smallboned little boys, whom the applicant had

Squeers inclined his head as much as to say, 'And a remarkably pretty name, too.'

The stranger continued. 'I have been thinking, Mr Squeers, of placing my two boys at your school.'

'It is not for me to say so, sir,' replied Mr Squeers, 'but I don't think you could possibly do a better thing.'

'I don't think it could be done, sir,' replied Squeers, as if he had never considered the proposition before. 'Let

me see; four fives is twenty, double that, and deduct thewell, a pound either way shall not stand betwixt us.

'Oh! that doesn't matter at all,' replied Squeers. 'We don't consider the boys' appetites at our establishment.'

'Every wholesome luxury, sir, that Yorkshire can afford,' continued Squeers; 'every beautiful moral that Mrs

Squeers can instil; every in short, every comfort of a home that a boy could wish for, will be theirs, Mr

CHAPTER 4. Nicholas and his Uncle (to secure the Fortune without loss of time) wait upon Mr Wackford Squeers, the Yorkshire Schoolmaster 25

'I am glad of that, sir,' replied the schoolmaster, drawing himself up. 'They have come to the right shop for

'I have the satisfaction to know you are, sir,' said Mr Snawley. 'I asked one of your references, and he said

'I hope I am also,' rejoined the other. 'Could I say a few words with you in the next box?'

'By all means,' rejoined Squeers with a grin. 'My dears, will you speak to your new playfellow a minute or

'Is he, indeed?' rejoined Mr Snawley, looking at the poor little urchin as if he were some extraordinary natural

'He goes down with me tomorrow, sir,' said Squeers. 'That's his luggage that he is a sitting upon now. Each

boy is required to bring, sir, two suits of clothes, six shirts, six pair of stockings, two nightcaps, two

There was not much in these three words, but there must have been something in the manner in which they

were said, to attract attention; for the schoolmaster and his companion looked steadily at each other for a few

seconds, and then exchanged a very meaning smile. Snawley was a sleek, flatnosed man, clad in sombre

garments, and long black gaiters, and bearing in his countenance an expression of much mortification and

'Just as long as their friends make the quarterly payments to my agent in town, or until such time as they run

away,' replied Squeers. 'Let us understand each other; I see we may safely do so. What are these

'No,' rejoined Snawley, meeting the gaze of the schoolmaster's one eye. 'They ain't.'

'I thought they might be,' said Squeers, coolly. 'We have a good many of them; that boy's one.'

Squeers nodded in the affirmative; his companion took another peep at the little boy on the trunk, and,

turning round again, looked as if he were quite disappointed to see him so much like other boys, and said he

CHAPTER 4. Nicholas and his Uncle (to secure the Fortune without loss of time) wait upon Mr Wackford Squeers, the Yorkshire Schoolmaster 26

'He is,' cried Squeers. 'But about these boys of yours; you wanted to speak to me?'

'Yes,' replied Snawley. 'The fact is, I am not their father, Mr Squeers. I'm only their fatherinlaw.'

'Oh! Is that it?' said the schoolmaster. 'That explains it at once. I was wondering what the devil you were

'You see I have married the mother,' pursued Snawley; 'it's expensive keeping boys at home, and as she has a

little money in her own right, I am afraid (women are so very foolish, Mr Squeers) that she might be led to

'I see,' returned Squeers, throwing himself back in his chair, and waving his hand.

'And this,' resumed Snawley, 'has made me anxious to put them to some school a good distance off, where

there are no holidaysnone of those illjudged coming home twice a year that unsettle children's minds

'That's it, exactly,' rejoined the other. 'Morals strictly attended to, though.'

'Not too much writing home allowed, I suppose?' said the fatherin law, hesitating.

'None, except a circular at Christmas, to say they never were so happy, and hope they may never be sent for,'

'Then, as we understand each other,' said Squeers, 'will you allow me to ask you whether you consider me a

highly virtuous, exemplary, and wellconducted man in private life; and whether, as a person whose business

it is to take charge of youth, you place the strongest confidence in my unimpeachable integrity, liberality,

'Certainly I do,' replied the fatherinlaw, reciprocating the schoolmaster's grin.

'That's your sort!' said Squeers, taking up a pen; 'this is doing business, and that's what I like.'

Having entered Mr Snawley's address, the schoolmaster had next to perform the still more agreeable office of

entering the receipt of the first quarter's payment in advance, which he had scarcely completed, when another

'Only a matter of business, sir,' said Ralph Nickleby, presenting himself, closely followed by Nicholas. 'There

CHAPTER 4. Nicholas and his Uncle (to secure the Fortune without loss of time) wait upon Mr Wackford Squeers, the Yorkshire Schoolmaster 27

'There was, sir. This way, if you please,' said Squeers, who had by this time got back to the box by the

'Why, I think I will,' replied Ralph, suiting the action to the word, and placing his hat on the table before him.

Nicholas bowed, said he was very well, and seemed very much astonished at the outward appearance of the

'You paid me a small account at each of my halfyearly visits to town, for some years, I think, sir,' replied

'I remember very well, sir,' rejoined Squeers. 'Ah! Mrs Squeers, sir, was as partial to that lad as if he had been

her own; the attention, sir, that was bestowed upon that boy in his illness! Dry toast and warm tea offered him

every night and morning when he couldn't swallow anythinga candle in his bedroom on the very night he

diedthe best dictionary sent up for him to lay his head uponI don't regret it though. It is a pleasant thing

Ralph smiled, as if he meant anything but smiling, and looked round at the strangers present.

'These are only some pupils of mine,' said Wackford Squeers, pointing to the little boy on the trunk and the

two little boys on the floor, who had been staring at each other without uttering a word, and writhing their

bodies into most remarkable contortions, according to the custom of little boys when they first become

acquainted. 'This gentleman, sir, is a parent who is kind enough to compliment me upon the course of

education adopted at Dotheboys Hall, which is situated, sir, at the delightful village of Dotheboys, near Greta

Bridge in Yorkshire, where youth are boarded, clothed, booked, washed, furnished with pocketmoney'

'Yes, we know all about that, sir,' interrupted Ralph, testily. 'It's in the advertisement.'

'And in the matter of fact besides,' interrupted Mr Snawley. 'I feel bound to assure you, sir, and I am proud to

have this opportunity OF assuring you, that I consider Mr Squeers a gentleman highly virtuous, exemplary,

'I make no doubt of it, sir,' interrupted Ralph, checking the torrent of recommendation; 'no doubt of it at all.

'With all my heart, sir,' rejoined Squeers. '"Never postpone business," is the very first lesson we instil into our

CHAPTER 4. Nicholas and his Uncle (to secure the Fortune without loss of time) wait upon Mr Wackford Squeers, the Yorkshire Schoolmaster 28

'Very well, sir,' said Squeers, darting a withering look at the culprit. 'You and I will perform a little business

'Well,' resumed Ralph, 'it's brief enough; soon broached; and I hope easily concluded. You have advertised

'Here he is!' said Ralph. 'My nephew Nicholas, hot from school, with everything he learnt there, fermenting in

'I am afraid,' said Squeers, perplexed with such an application from a youth of Nicholas's figure, 'I am afraid

'Yes, he will,' said Ralph; 'I know better. Don't be cast down, sir; you will be teaching all the young noblemen

in Dotheboys Hall in less than a week's time, unless this gentleman is more obstinate than I take him to be.'

'I fear, sir,' said Nicholas, addressing Mr Squeers, 'that you object to my youth, and to my not being a Master

'The absence of a college degree IS an objection,' replied Squeers, looking as grave as he could, and

considerably puzzled, no less by the contrast between the simplicity of the nephew and the worldly manner of

the uncle, than by the incomprehensible allusion to the young noblemen under his tuition.

'Look here, sir,' said Ralph; 'I'll put this matter in its true light in two seconds.'

CHAPTER 4. Nicholas and his Uncle (to secure the Fortune without loss of time) wait upon Mr Wackford Squeers, the Yorkshire Schoolmaster 29

'This is a boy, or a youth, or a lad, or a young man, or a hobbledehoy, or whatever you like to call him, of

'So do I,' said Mr Snawley, thinking it as well to back his new friend occasionally.

'His father is dead, he is wholly ignorant of the world, has no resources whatever, and wants something to do,'

said Ralph. 'I recommend him to this splendid establishment of yours, as an opening which will lead him to

'Everybody must see that,' replied Squeers, half imitating the sneer with which the old gentleman was

'He does, of course, you observe,' said Ralph, in the same dry, hard manner. 'If any caprice of temper should

induce him to cast aside this golden opportunity before he has brought it to perfection, I consider myself

absolved from extending any assistance to his mother and sister. Look at him, and think of the use he may be

to you in halfadozen ways! Now, the question is, whether, for some time to come at all events, he won't

serve your purpose better than twenty of the kind of people you would get under ordinary circumstances. Isn't

'Yes, it is,' said Squeers, answering a nod of Ralph's head with a nod of his own.

The two words were had apart; in a couple of minutes Mr Wackford Squeers announced that Mr Nicholas

Nickleby was, from that moment, thoroughly nominated to, and installed in, the office of first assistant master

Nicholas, overjoyed at his success, shook his uncle's hand warmly, and could almost have worshipped

'He is an oddlooking man,' thought Nicholas. 'What of that? Porson was an oddlooking man, and so was

'At eight o'clock tomorrow morning, Mr Nickleby,' said Squeers, 'the coach starts. You must be here at a

'And your fare down, I have paid,' growled Ralph. 'So, you'll have nothing to do but keep yourself warm.'

Here was another instance of his uncle's generosity! Nicholas felt his unexpected kindness so much, that he

could scarcely find words to thank him; indeed, he had not found half enough, when they took leave of the

CHAPTER 4. Nicholas and his Uncle (to secure the Fortune without loss of time) wait upon Mr Wackford Squeers, the Yorkshire Schoolmaster 30

'I shall be here in the morning to see you fairly off,' said Ralph. 'No skulking!'

'Take care you don't,' replied his uncle. 'You had better go home now, and pack up what you have got to pack.

'Leave these papers with my clerk, then,' said Ralph, producing a small parcel, 'and tell him to wait till I come

Nicholas cheerfully undertook the errand, and bidding his worthy uncle an affectionate farewell, which that

warmhearted old gentleman acknowledged by a growl, hastened away to execute his commission.

He found Golden Square in due course; Mr Noggs, who had stepped out for a minute or so to the

'Papers from my uncle,' replied Nicholas; 'and you're to have the goodness to wait till he comes home, if you

Without another word he led Nicholas into the passage, and thence into the official pantry at the end of it,

where he thrust him into a chair, and mounting upon his high stool, sat, with his arms hanging, straight down

Newman said nothing, but folding his arms, and thrusting his head forward so as to obtain a nearer view of

'No answer,' said Nicholas, speaking very loud, under the impression that Newman Noggs was deaf.

Newman placed his hands upon his knees, and, without uttering a syllable, continued the same close scrutiny

This was such a very singular proceeding on the part of an utter stranger, and his appearance was so

extremely peculiar, that Nicholas, who had a sufficiently keen sense of the ridiculous, could not refrain from

Noggs shook his head and sighed; upon which Nicholas rose, and remarking that he required no rest, bade

It was a great exertion for Newman Noggs, and nobody knows to this day how he ever came to make it, the

CHAPTER 4. Nicholas and his Uncle (to secure the Fortune without loss of time) wait upon Mr Wackford Squeers, the Yorkshire Schoolmaster 31

other party being wholly unknown to him, but he drew a long breath and actually said, out loud, without once

stopping, that if the young gentleman did not object to tell, he should like to know what his uncle was going

Nicholas had not the least objection in the world, but on the contrary was rather pleased to have an

opportunity of talking on the subject which occupied his thoughts; so, he sat down again, and (his sanguine

imagination warming as he spoke) entered into a fervent and glowing description of all the honours and

advantages to be derived from his appointment at that seat of learning, Dotheboys Hall.

'But, what's the matterare you ill?' said Nicholas, suddenly breaking off, as his companion, after throwing

himself into a variety of uncouth attitudes, thrust his hands under the stool, and cracked his fingerjoints as if

Newman Noggs made no reply, but went on shrugging his shoulders and cracking his fingerjoints; smiling

horribly all the time, and looking steadfastly at nothing, out of the tops of his eyes, in a most ghastly manner.

At first, Nicholas thought the mysterious man was in a fit, but, on further consideration, decided that he was

in liquor, under which circumstances he deemed it prudent to make off at once. He looked back when he had

got the streetdoor open. Newman Noggs was still indulging in the same extraordinary gestures, and the

If tears dropped into a trunk were charms to preserve its owner from sorrow and misfortune, Nicholas

Nickleby would have commenced his expedition under most happy auspices. There was so much to be done,

and so little time to do it in; so many kind words to be spoken, and such bitter pain in the hearts in which they

rose to impede their utterance; that the little preparations for his journey were made mournfully indeed. A

hundred things which the anxious care of his mother and sister deemed indispensable for his comfort,

Nicholas insisted on leaving behind, as they might prove of some after use, or might be convertible into

money if occasion required. A hundred affectionate contests on such points as these, took place on the sad

night which preceded his departure; and, as the termination of every angerless dispute brought them nearer

and nearer to the close of their slight preparations, Kate grew busier and busier, and wept more silently.

The box was packed at last, and then there came supper, with some little delicacy provided for the occasion,

and as a setoff against the expense of which, Kate and her mother had feigned to dine when Nicholas was

out. The poor lady nearly choked himself by attempting to partake of it, and almost suffocated himself in

affecting a jest or two, and forcing a melancholy laugh. Thus, they lingered on till the hour of separating for

the night was long past; and then they found that they might as well have given vent to their real feelings

before, for they could not suppress them, do what they would. So, they let them have their way, and even that

Nicholas slept well till six next morning; dreamed of home, or of what was home onceno matter which, for

things that are changed or gone will come back as they used to be, thank God! in sleepand rose quite brisk

and gay. He wrote a few lines in pencil, to say the goodbye which he was afraid to pronounce himself, and

laying them, with half his scanty stock of money, at his sister's door, shouldered his box and crept softly

'Is that you, Hannah?' cried a voice from Miss La Creevy's sitting room, whence shone the light of a feeble

CHAPTER 5. Nicholas starts for Yorkshire. Of his Leavetaking and his Fellow Travellers, and what befell them on the Road 32

'Bless us!' exclaimed Miss La Creevy, starting and putting her hand to her curlpapers. 'You're up very early,

'It's the fine arts that bring me out of bed, Mr Nickleby,' returned the lady. 'I'm waiting for the light to carry

Miss La Creevy had got up early to put a fancy nose into a miniature of an ugly little boy, destined for his

grandmother in the country, who was expected to bequeath him property if he was like the family.

'To carry out an idea,' repeated Miss La Creevy; 'and that's the great convenience of living in a thoroughfare

like the Strand. When I want a nose or an eye for any particular sitter, I have only to look out of window and

'Why, that depends in a great measure on the pattern,' replied Miss La Creevy. 'Snubs and Romans are

plentiful enough, and there are flats of all sorts and sizes when there's a meeting at Exeter Hall; but perfect

aquilines, I am sorry to say, are scarce, and we generally use them for uniforms or public characters.'

'Indeed!' said Nicholas. 'If I should meet with any in my travels, I'll endeavour to sketch them for you.'

'You don't mean to say that you are really going all the way down into Yorkshire this cold winter's weather,

'I do, indeed,' replied Nicholas. 'Needs must, you know, when somebody drives. Necessity is my driver, and

'Well, I am very sorry for it; that's all I can say,' said Miss La Creevy; 'as much on your mother's and sister's

account as on yours. Your sister is a very pretty young lady, Mr Nickleby, and that is an additional reason

why she should have somebody to protect her. I persuaded her to give me a sitting or two, for the streetdoor

case. 'Ah! she'll make a sweet miniature.' As Miss La Creevy spoke, she held up an ivory countenance

intersected with very perceptible sky blue veins, and regarded it with so much complacency, that Nicholas

'If you ever have an opportunity of showing Kate some little kindness,' said Nicholas, presenting his hand, 'I

'Depend upon that,' said the goodnatured miniature painter; 'and God bless you, Mr Nickleby; and I wish

It was very little that Nicholas knew of the world, but he guessed enough about its ways to think, that if he

gave Miss La Creevy one little kiss, perhaps she might not be the less kindly disposed towards those he was

leaving behind. So, he gave her three or four with a kind of jocose gallantry, and Miss La Creevy evinced no

greater symptoms of displeasure than declaring, as she adjusted her yellow turban, that she had never heard of

Having terminated the unexpected interview in this satisfactory manner, Nicholas hastily withdrew himself

CHAPTER 5. Nicholas starts for Yorkshire. Of his Leavetaking and his Fellow Travellers, and what befell them on the Road 33

from the house. By the time he had found a man to carry his box it was only seven o'clock, so he walked

slowly on, a little in advance of the porter, and very probably with not half as light a heart in his breast as the

man had, although he had no waistcoat to cover it with, and had evidently, from the appearance of his other

garments, been spending the night in a stable, and taking his breakfast at a pump.

Regarding, with no small curiosity and interest, all the busy preparations for the coming day which every

street and almost every house displayed; and thinking, now and then, that it seemed rather hard that so many

people of all ranks and stations could earn a livelihood in London, and that he should be compelled to journey

so far in search of one; Nicholas speedily arrived at the Saracen's Head, Snow Hill. Having dismissed his

attendant, and seen the box safely deposited in the coachoffice, he looked into the coffeeroom in search of

He found that learned gentleman sitting at breakfast, with the three little boys before noticed, and two others

who had turned up by some lucky chance since the interview of the previous day, ranged in a row on the

opposite seat. Mr Squeers had before him a small measure of coffee, a plate of hot toast, and a cold round of

beef; but he was at that moment intent on preparing breakfast for the little boys.

'This is twopenn'orth of milk, is it, waiter?' said Mr Squeers, looking down into a large blue mug, and slanting

it gently, so as to get an accurate view of the quantity of liquid contained in it.

'What a rare article milk is, to be sure, in London!' said Mr Squeers, with a sigh. 'Just fill that mug up with

'Never you mind that,' replied Mr Squeers. 'Serve it right for being so dear. You ordered that thick bread and

'You needn't hurry yourself,' said Squeers; 'there's plenty of time. Conquer your passions, boys, and don't be

eager after vittles.' As he uttered this moral precept, Mr Squeers took a large bite out of the cold beef, and

Nicholas did NOT see that anybody was breakfasting, except Mr Squeers; but he bowed with all becoming

'Oh! that's the milk and water, is it, William?' said Squeers. 'Very good; don't forget the bread and butter

At this fresh mention of the bread and butter, the five little boys looked very eager, and followed the waiter

'Ah!' said that gentleman, smacking his lips, 'here's richness! Think of the many beggars and orphans in the

streets that would be glad of this, little boys. A shocking thing hunger, isn't it, Mr Nickleby?'

CHAPTER 5. Nicholas starts for Yorkshire. Of his Leavetaking and his Fellow Travellers, and what befell them on the Road 34

'When I say number one,' pursued Mr Squeers, putting the mug before the children, 'the boy on the left hand

nearest the window may take a drink; and when I say number two, the boy next him will go in, and so till we

'That's right,' said Squeers, calmly getting on with his breakfast; 'keep ready till I tell you to begin. Subdue

your appetites, my dears, and you've conquered human natur. This is the way we inculcate strength of mind,

Mr Nickleby,' said the schoolmaster, turning to Nicholas, and speaking with his mouth very full of beef and

Nicholas murmured somethinghe knew not whatin reply; and the little boys, dividing their gaze

between the mug, the bread and butter (which had by this time arrived), and every morsel which Mr Squeers

'Thank God for a good breakfast,' said Squeers, when he had finished. 'Number one may take a drink.'

Number one seized the mug ravenously, and had just drunk enough to make him wish for more, when Mr

Squeers gave the signal for number two, who gave up at the same interesting moment to number three; and

'And now,' said the schoolmaster, dividing the bread and butter for three into as many portions as there were

children, 'you had better look sharp with your breakfast, for the horn will blow in a minute or two, and then

Permission being thus given to fall to, the boys began to eat voraciously, and in desperate haste: while the

schoolmaster (who was in high good humour after his meal) picked his teeth with a fork, and looked

'I thought it wouldn't be long,' said Squeers, jumping up and producing a little basket from under the seat; 'put

Nicholas was considerably startled by these very economical arrangements; but he had no time to reflect

upon them, for the little boys had to be got up to the top of the coach, and their boxes had to be brought out

and put in, and Mr Squeers's luggage was to be seen carefully deposited in the boot, and all these offices were

in his department. He was in the full heat and bustle of concluding these operations, when his uncle, Mr

'Here!' replied his uncle. 'Having too much money and nothing at all to do with it, they were paying a

'We were afraid of being too late to see him before he went away from us,' said Mrs Nickleby, embracing her

'Very good, ma'am,' returned Ralph, 'you're the best judge of course. I merely said that you were paying a

hackney coach. I never pay a hackney coach, ma'am; I never hire one. I haven't been in a hackney coach of

my own hiring, for thirty years, and I hope I shan't be for thirty more, if I live as long.'

CHAPTER 5. Nicholas starts for Yorkshire. Of his Leavetaking and his Fellow Travellers, and what befell them on the Road 35

'I should never have forgiven myself if I had not seen him,' said Mrs Nickleby. 'Poor dear boygoing away

'Mighty fine certainly,' said Ralph, with great testiness. 'When I first went to business, ma'am, I took a penny

loaf and a ha'porth of milk for my breakfast as I walked to the city every morning; what do you say to that,

'Now, Nickleby,' said Squeers, coming up at the moment buttoning his greatcoat; 'I think you'd better get up

behind. I'm afraid of one of them boys falling off and then there's twenty pound a year gone.'

'Dear Nicholas,' whispered Kate, touching her brother's arm, 'who is that vulgar man?'

'Eh!' growled Ralph, whose quick ears had caught the inquiry. 'Do you wish to be introduced to Mr Squeers,

'I'm sure I heard you say as much, my dear,' retorted Ralph in his cold sarcastic manner. 'Mr Squeers, here's

'Very glad to make your acquaintance, miss,' said Squeers, raising his hat an inch or two. 'I wish Mrs Squeers

took gals, and we had you for a teacher. I don't know, though, whether she mightn't grow jealous if we had.

If the proprietor of Dotheboys Hall could have known what was passing in his assistant's breast at that

moment, he would have discovered, with some surprise, that he was as near being soundly pummelled as he

had ever been in his life. Kate Nickleby, having a quicker perception of her brother's emotions, led him

gently aside, and thus prevented Mr Squeers from being impressed with the fact in a peculiarly disagreeable

'My dear Nicholas,' said the young lady, 'who is this man? What kind of place can it be that you are going to?'

'I hardly know, Kate,' replied Nicholas, pressing his sister's hand. 'I suppose the Yorkshire folks are rather

'Is my employer, or master, or whatever the proper name may be,' replied Nicholas quickly; 'and I was an ass

to take his coarseness ill. They are looking this way, and it is time I was in my place. Bless you, love, and

goodbye! Mother, look forward to our meeting again someday! Uncle, farewell! Thank you heartily for all

With these hasty adieux, Nicholas mounted nimbly to his seat, and waved his hand as gallantly as if his heart

At this moment, when the coachman and guard were comparing notes for the last time before starting, on the

subject of the waybill; when porters were screwing out the last reluctant sixpences, itinerant newsmen

making the last offer of a morning paper, and the horses giving the last impatient rattle to their harness;

Nicholas felt somebody pulling softly at his leg. He looked down, and there stood Newman Noggs, who

CHAPTER 5. Nicholas starts for Yorkshire. Of his Leavetaking and his Fellow Travellers, and what befell them on the Road 36

'Hush!' rejoined Noggs, pointing to Mr Ralph Nickleby, who was saying a few earnest words to Squeers, a

A minute's bustle, a banging of the coach doors, a swaying of the vehicle to one side, as the heavy coachman,

and still heavier guard, climbed into their seats; a cry of all right, a few notes from the horn, a hasty glance of

two sorrowful faces below, and the hard features of Mr Ralph Nicklebyand the coach was gone too, and

The little boys' legs being too short to admit of their feet resting upon anything as they sat, and the little boys'

bodies being consequently in imminent hazard of being jerked off the coach, Nicholas had enough to do over

the stones to hold them on. Between the manual exertion and the mental anxiety attendant upon this task, he

was not a little relieved when the coach stopped at the Peacock at Islington. He was still more relieved when

a heartylooking gentleman, with a very goodhumoured face, and a very fresh colour, got up behind, and

'If we put some of these youngsters in the middle,' said the new comer, 'they'll be safer in case of their going

'If you'll have the goodness, sir,' replied Squeers, 'that'll be the very thing. Mr Nickleby, take three of them

boys between you and the gentleman. Belling and the youngest Snawley can sit between me and the guard.

'I have not the least objection I am sure,' said the freshcoloured gentleman; 'I have a brother who wouldn't

object to book his six children as two at any butcher's or baker's in the kingdom, I dare say. Far from it.'

'Mr Nickleby,' said Squeers, in great haste, 'catch hold of that basket. Let me give you a card, sir, of an

establishment where those six boys can be brought up in an enlightened, liberal, and moral manner, with no

mistake at all about it, for twenty guineas a year eachtwenty guineas, siror I'd take all the boys together

'Oh!' said the gentleman, glancing at the card, 'you are the Mr Squeers mentioned here, I presume?'

'Yes, I am, sir,' replied the worthy pedagogue; 'Mr Wackford Squeers is my name, and I'm very far from

being ashamed of it. These are some of my boys, sir; that's one of my assistants, sirMr Nickleby, a

gentleman's son, amd a good scholar, mathematical, classical, and commercial. We don't do things by halves

at our shop. All manner of learning my boys take down, sir; the expense is never thought of; and they get

'Upon my word,' said the gentleman, glancing at Nicholas with a halfsmile, and a more than half expression

CHAPTER 5. Nicholas starts for Yorkshire. Of his Leavetaking and his Fellow Travellers, and what befell them on the Road 37

'You may say that, sir,' rejoined Squeers, thrusting his hands into his greatcoat pockets. 'The most

unexceptionable references are given and required. I wouldn't take a reference with any boy, that wasn't

responsible for the payment of five pound five a quarter, no, not if you went down on your knees, and asked

'It's my great aim and end to be considerate, sir,' rejoined Squeers. 'Snawley, junior, if you don't leave off

chattering your teeth, and shaking with the cold, I'll warm you with a severe thrashing in about half a minute's

'All right,' was the reply. 'Off she goes!' And off she did goif coaches be feminineamidst a loud flourish

from the guard's horn, and the calm approval of all the judges of coaches and coachhorses congregated at

the Peacock, but more especially of the helpers, who stood, with the cloths over their arms, watching the

coach till it disappeared, and then lounged admiringly stablewards, bestowing various gruff encomiums on

When the guard (who was a stout old Yorkshireman) had blown himself quite out of breath, he put the horn

into a little tunnel of a basket fastened to the coachside for the purpose, and giving himself a plentiful

shower of blows on the chest and shoulders, observed it was uncommon cold; after which, he demanded of

every person separately whether he was going right through, and if not, where he WAS going. Satisfactory

replies being made to these queries, he surmised that the roads were pretty heavy arter that fall last night, and

took the liberty of asking whether any of them gentlemen carried a snuffbox. It happening that nobody did,

he remarked with a mysterious air that he had heard a medical gentleman as went down to Grantham last

week, say how that snufftaking was bad for the eyes; but for his part he had never found it so, and what he

said was, that everybody should speak as they found. Nobody attempting to controvert this position, he took a

small brownpaper parcel out of his hat, and putting on a pair of horn spectacles (the writing being crabbed)

read the direction halfadozen times over; having done which, he consigned the parcel to its old place, put

up his spectacles again, and stared at everybody in turn. After this, he took another blow at the horn by way

of refreshment; and, having now exhausted his usual topics of conversation, folded his arms as well as he

could in so many coats, and falling into a solemn silence, looked carelessly at the familiar objects which met

his eye on every side as the coach rolled on; the only things he seemed to care for, being horses and droves of

cattle, which he scrutinised with a critical air as they were passed upon the road.

The weather was intensely and bitterly cold; a great deal of snow fell from time to time; and the wind was

intolerably keen. Mr Squeers got down at almost every stageto stretch his legs as he saidand as he

always came back from such excursions with a very red nose, and composed himself to sleep directly, there is

reason to suppose that he derived great benefit from the process. The little pupils having been stimulated with

the remains of their breakfast, and further invigorated by sundry small cups of a curious cordial carried by Mr

Squeers, which tasted very like toastandwater put into a brandy bottle by mistake, went to sleep, woke,

shivered, and cried, as their feelings prompted. Nicholas and the goodtempered man found so many things

to talk about, that between conversing together, and cheering up the boys, the time passed with them as

So the day wore on. At Eton Slocomb there was a good coach dinner, of which the box, the four front

CHAPTER 5. Nicholas starts for Yorkshire. Of his Leavetaking and his Fellow Travellers, and what befell them on the Road 38

outsides, the one inside, Nicholas, the goodtempered man, and Mr Squeers, partook; while the five little

boys were put to thaw by the fire, and regaled with sandwiches. A stage or two further on, the lamps were

lighted, and a great todo occasioned by the taking up, at a roadside inn, of a very fastidious lady with an

infinite variety of cloaks and small parcels, who loudly lamented, for the behoof of the outsides, the

nonarrival of her own carriage which was to have taken her on, and made the guard solemnly promise to

stop every green chariot he saw coming; which, as it was a dark night and he was sitting with his face the

other way, that officer undertook, with many fervent asseverations, to do. Lastly, the fastidious lady, finding

there was a solitary gentleman inside, had a small lamp lighted which she carried in reticule, and being after

much trouble shut in, the horses were put into a brisk canter and the coach was once more in rapid motion.

The night and the snow came on together, and dismal enough they were. There was no sound to be heard but

the howling of the wind; for the noise of the wheels, and the tread of the horses' feet, were rendered inaudible

by the thick coating of snow which covered the ground, and was fast increasing every moment. The streets of

Stamford were deserted as they passed through the town; and its old churches rose, frowning and dark, from

the whitened ground. Twenty miles further on, two of the front outside passengers, wisely availing

themselves of their arrival at one of the best inns in England, turned in, for the night, at the George at

Grantham. The remainder wrapped themselves more closely in their coats and cloaks, and leaving the light

and warmth of the town behind them, pillowed themselves against the luggage, and prepared, with many

half suppressed moans, again to encounter the piercing blast which swept across the open country.

They were little more than a stage out of Grantham, or about halfway between it and Newark, when Nicholas,

who had been asleep for a short time, was suddenly roused by a violent jerk which nearly threw him from his

seat. Grasping the rail, he found that the coach had sunk greatly on one side, though it was still dragged

forward by the horses; and whileconfused by their plunging and the loud screams of the lady insidehe

hesitated, for an instant, whether to jump off or not, the vehicle turned easily over, and relieved him from all

'Wo ho!' cried the guard, on his legs in a minute, and running to the leaders' heads. 'Is there ony genelmen

'Matther mun, matter eneaf for one neight,' replied the guard; 'dang the walleyed bay, he's gane mad wi'

glory I think, carse t'coorch is over. Here, can't ye len' a hond? Dom it, I'd ha' dean it if all my boans were

'Here!' cried Nicholas, staggering to his feet, 'I'm ready. I'm only a little abroad, that's all.'

'Hoold 'em toight,' cried the guard, 'while ar coot treaces. Hang on tiv'em sumhoo. Well deane, my lod. That's

In truth, the animals were no sooner released than they trotted back, with much deliberation, to the stable they

CHAPTER 6. In which the Occurrence of the Accident mentioned in the last Chapter, affords an Opportunity to a couple of Gentlemen to tell Stories against each other 39

'Then just blo' away into that 'un as lies on the grund, fit to wakken the deead, will'ee,' said the man, 'while I

stop sum o' this here squealing inside. Cumin', cumin'. Dean't make that noise, wooman.'

As the man spoke, he proceeded to wrench open the uppermost door of the coach, while Nicholas, seizing the

horn, awoke the echoes far and wide with one of the most extraordinary performances on that instrument ever

heard by mortal ears. It had its effect, however, not only in rousing such of their fall, but in summoning

assistance to their relief; for lights gleamed in the distance, and people were already astir.

In fact, a man on horseback galloped down, before the passengers were well collected together; and a careful

investigation being instituted, it appeared that the lady inside had broken her lamp, and the gentleman his

head; that the two front outsides had escaped with black eyes; the box with a bloody nose; the coachman with

a contusion on the temple; Mr Squeers with a portmanteau bruise on his back; and the remaining passengers

without any injury at allthanks to the softness of the snowdrift in which they had been overturned. These

facts were no sooner thoroughly ascertained, than the lady gave several indications of fainting, but being

forewarned that if she did, she must be carried on some gentleman's shoulders to the nearest publichouse,

They found on reaching it, that it was a lonely place with no very great accommodation in the way of

apartmentsthat portion of its resources being all comprised in one public room with a sanded floor, and a

chair or two. However, a large faggot and a plentiful supply of coals being heaped upon the fire, the

appearance of things was not long in mending; and, by the time they had washed off all effaceable marks of

the late accident, the room was warm and light, which was a most agreeable exchange for the cold and

'Well, Mr Nickleby,' said Squeers, insinuating himself into the warmest corner, 'you did very right to catch

hold of them horses. I should have done it myself if I had come to in time, but I am very glad you did it. You

'So well,' said the merryfaced gentleman, who did not seem to approve very much of the patronising tone

adopted by Squeers, 'that if they had not been firmly checked when they were, you would most probably have

This remark called up a discourse relative to the promptitude Nicholas had displayed, and he was

'I am very glad to have escaped, of course,' observed Squeers: 'every man is glad when he escapes from

danger; but if any one of my charges had been hurtif I had been prevented from restoring any one of these

little boys to his parents whole and sound as I received himwhat would have been my feelings? Why the

'Are they all brothers, sir?' inquired the lady who had carried the 'Davy' or safetylamp.

'In one sense they are, ma'am,' replied Squeers, diving into his greatcoat pocket for cards. 'They are all under

the same parental and affectionate treatment. Mrs Squeers and myself are a mother and father to every one of

'em. Mr Nickleby, hand the lady them cards, and offer these to the gentleman. Perhaps they might know of

Expressing himself to this effect, Mr Squeers, who lost no opportunity of advertising gratuitously, placed his

hands upon his knees, and looked at the pupils with as much benignity as he could possibly affect, while

CHAPTER 6. In which the Occurrence of the Accident mentioned in the last Chapter, affords an Opportunity to a couple of Gentlemen to tell Stories against each other 40

'I hope you suffer no inconvenience from the overturn, ma'am?' said the merryfaced gentleman, addressing

the fastidious lady, as though he were charitably desirous to change the subject.

'The subject is a very painful one to my feelings, sir,' replied the lady with strong emotion; 'and I beg you as a

'Dear me,' said the merryfaced gentleman, looking merrier still, 'I merely intended to inquire'

'I hope no inquiries will be made,' said the lady, 'or I shall be compelled to throw myself on the protection of

the other gentlemen. Landlord, pray direct a boy to keep watch outside the doorand if a green chariot

The people of the house were evidently overcome by this request, and when the lady charged the boy to

remember, as a means of identifying the expected green chariot, that it would have a coachman with a

goldlaced hat on the box, and a footman, most probably in silk stockings, behind, the attentions of the good

woman of the inn were redoubled. Even the boxpassenger caught the infection, and growing wonderfully

deferential, immediately inquired whether there was not very good society in that neighbourhood, to which

the lady replied yes, there was: in a manner which sufficiently implied that she moved at the very tiptop and

'As the guard has gone on horseback to Grantham to get another coach,' said the goodtempered gentleman

when they had been all sitting round the fire, for some time, in silence, 'and as he must be gone a couple of

This question was addressed to the brokenheaded inside, who was a man of very genteel appearance,

dressed in mourning. He was not past the middle age, but his hair was grey; it seemed to have been

prematurely turned by care or sorrow. He readily acceded to the proposal, and appeared to be prepossessed by

This latter personage took upon himself the office of tapster when the punch was ready, and after dispensing

it all round, led the conversation to the antiquities of York, with which both he and the greyhaired

gentleman appeared to be well acquainted. When this topic flagged, he turned with a smile to the

'That's a pity,' said the owner of the goodhumoured countenance. 'Is there nobody here who can sing a song

The passengers, one and all, protested that they could not; that they wished they could; that they couldn't

'Perhaps the lady would not object,' said the president with great respect, and a merry twinkle in his eye.

'Some little Italian thing out of the last opera brought out in town, would be most acceptable I am sure.'

CHAPTER 6. In which the Occurrence of the Accident mentioned in the last Chapter, affords an Opportunity to a couple of Gentlemen to tell Stories against each other 41

As the lady condescended to make no reply, but tossed her head contemptuously, and murmured some further

expression of surprise regarding the absence of the green chariot, one or two voices urged upon the president

'I would if I could,' said he of the goodtempered face; 'for I hold that in this, as in all other cases where

people who are strangers to each other are thrown unexpectedly together, they should endeavour to render

themselves as pleasant, for the joint sake of the little community, as possible.'

'I wish the maxim were more generally acted on, in all cases,' said the greyheaded gentleman.

'I'm glad to hear it,' returned the other. 'Perhaps, as you can't sing, you'll tell us a story?'

'Indeed!' said the greyhaired gentleman, smiling, 'Well, let it be so. I fear the turn of my thoughts is not

calculated to lighten the time you must pass here; but you have brought this upon yourselves, and shall judge.

We were speaking of York Minster just now. My story shall have some reference to it. Let us call it

After a murmur of approbation from the other passengers, during which the fastidious lady drank a glass of

'A great many years agofor the fifteenth century was scarce two years old at the time, and King Henry the

Fourth sat upon the throne of Englandthere dwelt, in the ancient city of York, five maiden sisters, the

'These five sisters were all of surpassing beauty. The eldest was in her twentythird year, the second a year

younger, the third a year younger than the second, and the fourth a year younger than the third. They were tall

stately figures, with dark flashing eyes and hair of jet; dignity and grace were in their every movement; and

'But, if the four elder sisters were lovely, how beautiful was the youngest, a fair creature of sixteen! The

blushing tints in the soft bloom on the fruit, or the delicate painting on the flower, are not more exquisite than

was the blending of the rose and lily in her gentle face, or the deep blue of her eye. The vine, in all its elegant

luxuriance, is not more graceful than were the clusters of rich brown hair that sported round her brow.

'If we all had hearts like those which beat so lightly in the bosoms of the young and beautiful, what a heaven

this earth would be! If, while our bodies grow old and withered, our hearts could but retain their early youth

and freshness, of what avail would be our sorrows and sufferings! But, the faint image of Eden which is

stamped upon them in childhood, chafes and rubs in our rough struggles with the world, and soon wears

'The heart of this fair girl bounded with joy and gladness. Devoted attachment to her sisters, and a fervent

love of all beautiful things in nature, were its pure affections. Her gleesome voice and merry laugh were the

sweetest music of their home. She was its very light and life. The brightest flowers in the garden were reared

by her; the caged birds sang when they heard her voice, and pined when they missed its sweetness. Alice,

dear Alice; what living thing within the sphere of her gentle witchery, could fail to love her!

CHAPTER 6. In which the Occurrence of the Accident mentioned in the last Chapter, affords an Opportunity to a couple of Gentlemen to tell Stories against each other 42

'You may seek in vain, now, for the spot on which these sisters lived, for their very names have passed away,

and dusty antiquaries tell of them as of a fable. But they dwelt in an old wooden house old even in those

dayswith overhanging gables and balconies of rudelycarved oak, which stood within a pleasant orchard,

and was surrounded by a rough stone wall, whence a stout archer might have winged an arrow to St Mary's

Abbey. The old abbey flourished then; and the five sisters, living on its fair domains, paid yearly dues to the

'It was a bright and sunny morning in the pleasant time of summer, when one of those black monks emerged

from the abbey portal, and bent his steps towards the house of the fair sisters. Heaven above was blue, and

earth beneath was green; the river glistened like a path of diamonds in the sun; the birds poured forth their

songs from the shady trees; the lark soared high above the waving corn; and the deep buzz of insects filled

the air. Everything looked gay and smiling; but the holy man walked gloomily on, with his eyes bent upon

the ground. The beauty of the earth is but a breath, and man is but a shadow. What sympathy should a holy

'With eyes bent upon the ground, then, or only raised enough to prevent his stumbling over such obstacles as

lay in his way, the religious man moved slowly forward until he reached a small postern in the wall of the

sisters' orchard, through which he passed, closing it behind him. The noise of soft voices in conversation, and

of merry laughter, fell upon his ears ere he had advanced many paces; and raising his eyes higher than was

his humble wont, he descried, at no great distance, the five sisters seated on the grass, with Alice in the

'"Save you, fair daughters!" said the friar; and fair in truth they were. Even a monk might have loved them as

'The sisters saluted the holy man with becoming reverence, and the eldest motioned him to a mossy seat

beside them. But the good friar shook his head, and bumped himself down on a very hard stone,at which,

'"You know how light of heart sweet Alice is," replied the eldest sister, passing her fingers through the tresses

'"And what joy and cheerfulness it wakes up within us, to see all nature beaming in brightness and sunshine,

'The monk answered not, save by a grave inclination of the head, and the sisters pursued their task in silence.

'"Still wasting the precious hours," said the monk at length, turning to the eldest sister as he spoke, "still

wasting the precious hours on this vain trifling. Alas, alas! that the few bubbles on the surface of

eternityall that Heaven wills we should see of that dark deep streamshould be so lightly scattered!'

'"Father," urged the maiden, pausing, as did each of the others, in her busy task, "we have prayed at matins,

our daily alms have been distributed at the gate, the sick peasants have been tended,all our morning tasks

'"See here," said the friar, taking the frame from her hand, "an intricate winding of gaudy colours, without

purpose or object, unless it be that one day it is destined for some vain ornament, to minister to the pride of

your frail and giddy sex. Day after day has been employed upon this senseless task, and yet it is not half

accomplished. The shade of each departed day falls upon our graves, and the worm exults as he beholds it, to

CHAPTER 6. In which the Occurrence of the Accident mentioned in the last Chapter, affords an Opportunity to a couple of Gentlemen to tell Stories against each other 43

know that we are hastening thither. Daughters, is there no better way to pass the fleeting hours?"

'The four elder sisters cast down their eyes as if abashed by the holy man's reproof, but Alice raised hers, and

'"Our dear mother," faltered the fair Alice, "was living when these long tasks began, and bade us, when she

should be no more, ply them in all discretion and cheerfulness, in our leisure hours; she said that if in

harmless mirth and maidenly pursuits we passed those hours together, they would prove the happiest and

most peaceful of our lives, and that if, in later times, we went forth into the world, and mingled with its cares

and trialsif, allured by its temptations and dazzled by its glitter, we ever forgot that love and duty which

should bind, in holy ties, the children of one loved parenta glance at the old work of our common girlhood

would awaken good thoughts of bygone days, and soften our hearts to affection and love."

'"Alice speaks truly, father," said the elder sister, somewhat proudly. And so saying she resumed her work, as

'It was a kind of sampler of large size, that each sister had before her; the device was of a complex and

intricate description, and the pattern and colours of all five were the same. The sisters bent gracefully over

their work; the monk, resting his chin upon his hands, looked from one to the other in silence.

'"How much better," he said at length, "to shun all such thoughts and chances, and, in the peaceful shelter of

the church, devote your lives to Heaven! Infancy, childhood, the prime of life, and old age, wither as rapidly

as they crowd upon each other. Think how human dust rolls onward to the tomb, and turning your faces

steadily towards that goal, avoid the cloud which takes its rise among the pleasures of the world, and cheats

'"Never, sisters," cried Alice. "Barter not the light and air of heaven, and the freshness of earth and all the

beautiful things which breathe upon it, for the cold cloister and the cell. Nature's own blessings are the proper

goods of life, and we may share them sinlessly together. To die is our heavy portion, but, oh, let us die with

life about us; when our cold hearts cease to beat, let warm hearts be beating near; let our last look be upon the

bounds which God has set to his own bright skies, and not on stone walls and bars of iron! Dear sisters, let us

live and die, if you list, in this green garden's compass; only shun the gloom and sadness of a cloister, and we

'The tears fell fast from the maiden's eyes as she closed her impassioned appeal, and hid her face in the

'"Take comfort, Alice," said the eldest, kissing her fair forehead. "The veil shall never cast its shadow on thy

young brow. How say you, sisters? For yourselves you speak, and not for Alice, or for me."

'The sisters, as with one accord, cried that their lot was cast together, and that there were dwellings for peace

'"Father," said the eldest lady, rising with dignity, "you hear our final resolve. The same pious care which

enriched the abbey of St Mary, and left us, orphans, to its holy guardianship, directed that no constraint

should be imposed upon our inclinations, but that we should be free to live according to our choice. Let us

hear no more of this, we pray you. Sisters, it is nearly noon. Let us take shelter until evening!" With a

CHAPTER 6. In which the Occurrence of the Accident mentioned in the last Chapter, affords an Opportunity to a couple of Gentlemen to tell Stories against each other 44

reverence to the friar, the lady rose and walked towards the house, hand in hand with Alice; the other sisters

'The holy man, who had often urged the same point before, but had never met with so direct a repulse, walked

some little distance behind, with his eyes bent upon the earth, and his lips moving AS IF in prayer. As the

'"Stay!" said the monk, raising his right hand in the air, and directing an angry glance by turns at Alice and

the eldest sister. "Stay, and hear from me what these recollections are, which you would cherish above

eternity, and awakenif in mercy they slumberedby means of idle toys. The memory of earthly things is

charged, in after life, with bitter disappointment, affliction, death; with dreary change and wasting sorrow.

The time will one day come, when a glance at those unmeaning baubles will tear open deep wounds in the

hearts of some among you, and strike to your inmost souls. When that hour arrivesand, mark me, come it

willturn from the world to which you clung, to the refuge which you spurned. Find me the cell which shall

be colder than the fire of mortals grows, when dimmed by calamity and trial, and there weep for the dreams

of youth. These things are Heaven's will, not mine," said the friar, subduing his voice as he looked round

'With these words he disappeared through the postern; and the sisters hastening into the house were seen no

'But nature will smile though priests may frown, and next day the sun shone brightly, and on the next, and the

next again. And in the morning's glare, and the evening's soft repose, the five sisters still walked, or worked,

'Time passed away as a tale that is told; faster indeed than many tales that are told, of which number I fear

this may be one. The house of the five sisters stood where it did, and the same trees cast their pleasant shade

upon the orchard grass. The sisters too were there, and lovely as at first, but a change had come over their

dwelling. Sometimes, there was the clash of armour, and the gleaming of the moon on caps of steel; and, at

others, jaded coursers were spurred up to the gate, and a female form glided hurriedly forth, as if eager to

demand tidings of the weary messenger. A goodly train of knights and ladies lodged one night within the

abbey walls, and next day rode away, with two of the fair sisters among them. Then, horsemen began to come

less frequently, and seemed to bring bad tidings when they did, and at length they ceased to come at all, and

footsore peasants slunk to the gate after sunset, and did their errand there, by stealth. Once, a vassal was

dispatched in haste to the abbey at dead of night, and when morning came, there were sounds of woe and

wailing in the sisters' house; and after this, a mournful silence fell upon it, and knight or lady, horse or

'There was a sullen darkness in the sky, and the sun had gone angrily down, tinting the dull clouds with the

last traces of his wrath, when the same black monk walked slowly on, with folded arms, within a

stone'sthrow of the abbey. A blight had fallen on the trees and shrubs; and the wind, at length beginning to

break the unnatural stillness that had prevailed all day, sighed heavily from time to time, as though foretelling

in grief the ravages of the coming storm. The bat skimmed in fantastic flights through the heavy air, and the

ground was alive with crawling things, whose instinct brought them forth to swell and fatten in the rain.

'No longer were the friar's eyes directed to the earth; they were cast abroad, and roamed from point to point,

as if the gloom and desolation of the scene found a quick response in his own bosom. Again he paused near

'But not again did his ear encounter the sound of laughter, or his eyes rest upon the beautiful figures of the

five sisters. All was silent and deserted. The boughs of the trees were bent and broken, and the grass had

CHAPTER 6. In which the Occurrence of the Accident mentioned in the last Chapter, affords an Opportunity to a couple of Gentlemen to tell Stories against each other 45

'With the indifference or abstraction of one well accustomed to the change, the monk glided into the house,

and entered a low, dark room. Four sisters sat there. Their black garments made their pale faces whiter still,

and time and sorrow had worked deep ravages. They were stately yet; but the flush and pride of beauty were

'The monkeven the monkcould bear with some grief here; for it was long since these sisters had met,

and there were furrows in their blanched faces which years could never plough. He took his seat in silence,

'"They are here, sisters," said the elder lady in a trembling voice. "I have never borne to look upon them

since, and now I blame myself for my weakness. What is there in her memory that we should dread? To call

'She glanced at the monk as she spoke, and, opening a cabinet, brought forth the five frames of work,

completed long before. Her step was firm, but her hand trembled as she produced the last one; and, when the

feelings of the other sisters gushed forth at sight of it, her pentup tears made way, and she sobbed "God

'The monk rose and advanced towards them. "It was almost the last thing she touched in health," he said in a

'"The gallant youth who looked into thine eyes, and hung upon thy very breath when first he saw thee intent

upon this pastime, lies buried on a plain whereof the turf is red with blood. Rusty fragments of armour, once

brightly burnished, lie rotting on the ground, and are as little distinguishable for his, as are the bones that

'"The policy of courts," he continued, turning to the two other sisters, "drew ye from your peaceful home to

scenes of revelry and splendour. The same policy, and the restless ambition ofproud and fiery men, have

'"There is little need," said the monk, with a meaning look, "to fritter away the time in gewgaws which shall

raise up the pale ghosts of hopes of early years. Bury them, heap penance and mortification on their heads,

'The sisters asked for three days to deliberate; and felt, that night, as though the veil were indeed the fitting

shroud for their dead joys. But, morning came again, and though the boughs of the orchard trees drooped and

ran wild upon the ground, it was the same orchard still. The grass was coarse and high, but there was yet the

spot on which they had so often sat together, when change and sorrow were but names. There was every walk

and nook which Alice had made glad; and in the minster nave was one flat stone beneath which she slept in

CHAPTER 6. In which the Occurrence of the Accident mentioned in the last Chapter, affords an Opportunity to a couple of Gentlemen to tell Stories against each other 46

'And could they, remembering how her young heart had sickened at the thought of cloistered walls, look upon

her grave, in garbs which would chill the very ashes within it? Could they bow down in prayer, and when all

Heaven turned to hear them, bring the dark shade of sadness on one angel's face? No.

'They sent abroad, to artists of great celebrity in those times, and having obtained the church's sanction to

their work of piety, caused to be executed, in five large compartments of richly stained glass, a faithful copy

of their old embroidery work. These were fitted into a large window until that time bare of ornament; and

when the sun shone brightly, as she had so well loved to see it, the familiar patterns were reflected in their

original colours, and throwing a stream of brilliant light upon the pavement, fell warmly on the name of

'For many hours in every day, the sisters paced slowly up and down the nave, or knelt by the side of the flat

broad stone. Only three were seen in the customary place, after many years; then but two, and, for a long time

afterwards, but one solitary female bent with age. At length she came no more, and the stone bore five plain

'That stone has worn away and been replaced by others, and many generations have come and gone since

then. Time has softened down the colours, but the same stream of light still falls upon the forgotten tomb, of

which no trace remains; and, to this day, the stranger is shown in York Cathedral, an old window called the

'It is a tale of life, and life is made up of such sorrows,' returned the other, courteously, but in a grave and sad

'There are shades in all good pictures, but there are lights too, if we choose to contemplate them,' said the

gentleman with the merry face. 'The youngest sister in your tale was always lighthearted.'

'She would have died earlier, perhaps, had she been less happy,' said the first speaker, with much feeling. 'Do

you think the sisters who loved her so well, would have grieved the less if her life had been one of gloom and

sadness? If anything could soothe the first sharp pain of a heavy loss, it would bewith methe reflection,

that those I mourned, by being innocently happy here, and loving all about them, had prepared themselves for

a purer and happier world. The sun does not shine upon this fair earth to meet frowning eyes, depend upon it.'

'Believe!' retorted the other, 'can anybody doubt it? Take any subject of sorrowful regret, and see with how

much pleasure it is associated. The recollection of past pleasure may become pain'

'Well; it does. To remember happiness which cannot be restored, is pain, but of a softened kind. Our

recollections are unfortunately mingled with much that we deplore, and with many actions which we bitterly

repent; still in the most chequered life I firmly think there are so many little rays of sunshine to look back

upon, that I do not believe any mortal (unless he had put himself without the pale of hope) would deliberately

CHAPTER 6. In which the Occurrence of the Accident mentioned in the last Chapter, affords an Opportunity to a couple of Gentlemen to tell Stories against each other 47

'Possibly you are correct in that belief,' said the greyhaired gentleman after a short reflection. 'I am inclined

'Why, then,' replied the other, 'the good in this state of existence preponderates over the bad, let miscalled

philosophers tell us what they will. If our affections be tried, our affections are our consolation and comfort;

and memory, however sad, is the best and purest link between this world and a better. But come! I'll tell you a

After a very brief silence, the merryfaced gentleman sent round the punch, and glancing slyly at the

fastidious lady, who seemed desperately apprehensive that he was going to relate something improper, began

'The Baron Von Koeldwethout, of Grogzwig in Germany, was as likely a young baron as you would wish to

see. I needn't say that he lived in a castle, because that's of course; neither need I say that he lived in an old

castle; for what German baron ever lived in a new one? There were many strange circumstances connected

with this venerable building, among which, not the least startling and mysterious were, that when the wind

blew, it rumbled in the chimneys, or even howled among the trees in the neighbouring forest; and that when

the moon shone, she found her way through certain small loopholes in the wall, and actually made some parts

of the wide halls and galleries quite light, while she left others in gloomy shadow. I believe that one of the

baron's ancestors, being short of money, had inserted a dagger in a gentleman who called one night to ask his

way, and it WAS supposed that these miraculous occurrences took place in consequence. And yet I hardly

know how that could have been, either, because the baron's ancestor, who was an amiable man, felt very

sorry afterwards for having been so rash, and laying violent hands upon a quantity of stone and timber which

belonged to a weaker baron, built a chapel as an apology, and so took a receipt from Heaven, in full of all

'Talking of the baron's ancestor puts me in mind of the baron's great claims to respect, on the score of his

pedigree. I am afraid to say, I am sure, how many ancestors the baron had; but I know that he had a great

many more than any other man of his time; and I only wish that he had lived in these latter days, that he

might have had more. It is a very hard thing upon the great men of past centuries, that they should have come

into the world so soon, because a man who was born three or four hundred years ago, cannot reasonably be

expected to have had as many relations before him, as a man who is born now. The last man, whoever he

isand he may be a cobbler or some low vulgar dog for aught we knowwill have a longer pedigree than

'Well, but the Baron Von Koeldwethout of Grogzwig! He was a fine swarthy fellow, with dark hair and large

moustachios, who rode ahunting in clothes of Lincoln green, with russet boots on his feet, and a bugle slung

over his shoulder like the guard of a long stage. When he blew this bugle, fourandtwenty other gentlemen

of inferior rank, in Lincoln green a little coarser, and russet boots with a little thicker soles, turned out

directly: and away galloped the whole train, with spears in their hands like lacquered area railings, to hunt

down the boars, or perhaps encounter a bear: in which latter case the baron killed him first, and greased his

'This was a merry life for the Baron of Grogzwig, and a merrier still for the baron's retainers, who drank

Rhine wine every night till they fell under the table, and then had the bottles on the floor, and called for pipes.

Never were such jolly, roystering, rollicking, merrymaking blades, as the jovial crew of Grogzwig.

'But the pleasures of the table, or the pleasures of under the table, require a little variety; especially when the

same fiveand twenty people sit daily down to the same board, to discuss the same subjects, and tell the

same stories. The baron grew weary, and wanted excitement. He took to quarrelling with his gentlemen, and

CHAPTER 6. In which the Occurrence of the Accident mentioned in the last Chapter, affords an Opportunity to a couple of Gentlemen to tell Stories against each other 48

tried kicking two or three of them every day after dinner. This was a pleasant change at first; but it became

monotonous after a week or so, and the baron felt quite out of sorts, and cast about, in despair, for some new

'One night, after a day's sport in which he had outdone Nimrod or Gillingwater, and slaughtered "another fine

bear," and brought him home in triumph, the Baron Von Koeldwethout sat moodily at the head of his table,

eyeing the smoky roof of the hall with a discontended aspect. He swallowed huge bumpers of wine, but the

more he swallowed, the more he frowned. The gentlemen who had been honoured with the dangerous

distinction of sitting on his right and left, imitated him to a miracle in the drinking, and frowned at each other.

'"I will!" cried the baron suddenly, smiting the table with his right hand, and twirling his moustache with his

'The fourandtwenty Lincoln greens turned pale, with the exception of their fourandtwenty noses, which

'"To the Lady of Grogzwig!" shouted the Lincoln greens; and down their fourandtwenty throats went

fourandtwenty imperial pints of such rare old hock, that they smacked their eightandforty lips, and

'"The fair daughter of the Baron Von Swillenhausen," said Koeldwethout, condescending to explain. "We

will demand her in marriage of her father, ere the sun goes down tomorrow. If he refuse our suit, we will cut

'A hoarse murmur arose from the company; every man touched, first the hilt of his sword, and then the tip of

'What a pleasant thing filial piety is to contemplate! If the daughter of the Baron Von Swillenhausen had

pleaded a preoccupied heart, or fallen at her father's feet and corned them in salt tears, or only fainted away,

and complimented the old gentleman in frantic ejaculations, the odds are a hundred to one but Swillenhausen

Castle would have been turned out at window, or rather the baron turned out at window, and the castle

demolished. The damsel held her peace, however, when an early messenger bore the request of Von

Koeldwethout next morning, and modestly retired to her chamber, from the casement of which she watched

the coming of the suitor and his retinue. She was no sooner assured that the horseman with the large

moustachios was her proffered husband, than she hastened to her father's presence, and expressed her

readiness to sacrifice herself to secure his peace. The venerable baron caught his child to his arms, and shed a

'There was great feasting at the castle, that day. The fourand twenty Lincoln greens of Von Koeldwethout

exchanged vows of eternal friendship with twelve Lincoln greens of Von Swillenhausen, and promised the

old baron that they would drink his wine "Till all was blue"meaning probably until their whole

countenances had acquired the same tint as their noses. Everybody slapped everybody else's back, when the

time for parting came; and the Baron Von Koeldwethout and his followers rode gaily home.

'For six mortal weeks, the bears and boars had a holiday. The houses of Koeldwethout and Swillenhausen

were united; the spears rusted; and the baron's bugle grew hoarse for lack of blowing.

'Those were great times for the fourandtwenty; but, alas! their high and palmy days had taken boots to

CHAPTER 6. In which the Occurrence of the Accident mentioned in the last Chapter, affords an Opportunity to a couple of Gentlemen to tell Stories against each other 49

'The baroness pointed, from the window at which they stood, to the courtyard beneath, where the unconscious

Lincoln greens were taking a copious stirrupcup, preparatory to issuing forth after a boar or two.

'Whereupon the baroness uttered a great cry, and swooned away at the baron's feet.

'What could the baron do? He called for the lady's maid, and roared for the doctor; and then, rushing into the

yard, kicked the two Lincoln greens who were the most used to it, and cursing the others all round, bade them

gobut never mind where. I don't know the German for it, or I would put it delicately that way.

'It is not for me to say by what means, or by what degrees, some wives manage to keep down some husbands

as they do, although I may have my private opinion on the subject, and may think that no Member of

Parliament ought to be married, inasmuch as three married members out of every four, must vote according to

their wives' consciences (if there be such things), and not according to their own. All I need say, just now, is,

that the Baroness Von Koeldwethout somehow or other acquired great control over the Baron Von

Koeldwethout, and that, little by little, and bit by bit, and day by day, and year by year, the baron got the

worst of some disputed question, or was slyly unhorsed from some old hobby; and that by the time he was a

fat hearty fellow of fortyeight or thereabouts, he had no feasting, no revelry, no hunting train, and no

huntingnothing in short that he liked, or used to have; and that, although he was as fierce as a lion, and as

bold as brass, he was decidedly snubbed and put down, by his own lady, in his own castle of Grogzwig.

'Nor was this the whole extent of the baron's misfortunes. About a year after his nuptials, there came into the

world a lusty young baron, in whose honour a great many fireworks were let off, and a great many dozens of

wine drunk; but next year there came a young baroness, and next year another young baron, and so on, every

year, either a baron or baroness (and one year both together), until the baron found himself the father of a

small family of twelve. Upon every one of these anniversaries, the venerable Baroness Von Swillenhausen

was nervously sensitive for the wellbeing of her child the Baroness Von Koeldwethout; and although it was

not found that the good lady ever did anything material towards contributing to her child's recovery, still she

made it a point of duty to be as nervous as possible at the castle of Grogzwig, and to divide her time between

moral observations on the baron's housekeeping, and bewailing the hard lot of her unhappy daughter. And if

the Baron of Grogzwig, a little hurt and irritated at this, took heart, and ventured to suggest that his wife was

at least no worse off than the wives of other barons, the Baroness Von Swillenhausen begged all persons to

take notice, that nobody but she, sympathised with her dear daughter's sufferings; upon which, her relations

and friends remarked, that to be sure she did cry a great deal more than her soninlaw, and that if there were

CHAPTER 6. In which the Occurrence of the Accident mentioned in the last Chapter, affords an Opportunity to a couple of Gentlemen to tell Stories against each other 50

'The poor baron bore it all as long as he could, and when he could bear it no longer lost his appetite and his

spirits, and sat himself gloomily and dejectedly down. But there were worse troubles yet in store for him, and

as they came on, his melancholy and sadness increased. Times changed. He got into debt. The Grogzwig

coffers ran low, though the Swillenhausen family had looked upon them as inexhaustible; and just when the

baroness was on the point of making a thirteenth addition to the family pedigree, Von Koeldwethout

'This was a bright idea. The baron took an old huntingknife from a cupboard hard by, and having sharpened

'The baron sharpened it again, and made another offer, when his hand was arrested by a loud screaming

among the young barons and baronesses, who had a nursery in an upstairs tower with iron bars outside the

'"If I had been a bachelor," said the baron sighing, "I might have done it fifty times over, without being

interrupted. Hallo! Put a flask of wine and the largest pipe in the little vaulted room behind the hall."

'One of the domestics, in a very kind manner, executed the baron's order in the course of half an hour or so,

and Von Koeldwethout being apprised thereof, strode to the vaulted room, the walls of which, being of dark

shining wood, gleamed in the light of the blazing logs which were piled upon the hearth. The bottle and pipe

'"The room," replied the baron. The domestic obeyed, and the baron locked the door.

'"I'll smoke a last pipe," said the baron, "and then I'll be off." So, putting the knife upon the table till he

wanted it, and tossing off a goodly measure of wine, the Lord of Grogzwig threw himself back in his chair,

'He thought about a great many thingsabout his present troubles and past days of bachelorship, and about

the Lincoln greens, long since dispersed up and down the country, no one knew whither: with the exception

of two who had been unfortunately beheaded, and four who had killed themselves with drinking. His mind

was running upon bears and boars, when, in the process of draining his glass to the bottom, he raised his eyes,

and saw, for the first time and with unbounded astonishment, that he was not alone.

'No, he was not; for, on the opposite side of the fire, there sat with folded arms a wrinkled hideous figure,

with deeply sunk and bloodshot eyes, and an immensely long cadaverous face, shadowed by jagged and

matted locks of coarse black hair. He wore a kind of tunic of a dull bluish colour, which, the baron observed,

on regarding it attentively, was clasped or ornamented down the front with coffin handles. His legs, too, were

encased in coffin plates as though in armour; and over his left shoulder he wore a short dusky cloak, which

seemed made of a remnant of some pall. He took no notice of the baron, but was intently eyeing the fire.

CHAPTER 6. In which the Occurrence of the Accident mentioned in the last Chapter, affords an Opportunity to a couple of Gentlemen to tell Stories against each other 51

'"Halloa!" replied the stranger, moving his eyes towards the baron, but not his face or himself "What now?"

'"What now!" replied the baron, nothing daunted by his hollow voice and lustreless eyes. "I should ask that

'The figure looked at the bold Baron of Grogzwig for some time, and then said familiarly,

'"I am the Genius of Despair and Suicide," said the apparition. "Now you know me."

'With these words the apparition turned towards the baron, as if composing himself for a talkand, what was

very remarkable, was, that he threw his cloak aside, and displaying a stake, which was run through the centre

of his body, pulled it out with a jerk, and laid it on the table, as composedly as if it had been a walkingstick.

'"Why, yes, I am," answered the figure; "they're doing a pretty brisk business in my way, over in England and

CHAPTER 6. In which the Occurrence of the Accident mentioned in the last Chapter, affords an Opportunity to a couple of Gentlemen to tell Stories against each other 52

'The baron took another look at his new friend, whom he thought an uncommonly queer customer, and at

length inquired whether he took any active part in such little proceedings as that which he had in

'"Just that," replied the figure, playing with his stake, and examining the ferule. "Be as quick as you can, will

you, for there's a young gentleman who is afflicted with too much money and leisure wanting me now, I

'"Going to kill himself because he has too much money!" exclaimed the baron, quite tickled. "Ha! ha! that's a

'"I say," expostulated the figure, looking very much scared; "don't do that again."

'"Because it gives me pain all over," replied the figure. "Sigh as much as you please: that does me good."

'The baron sighed mechanically at the mention of the word; the figure, brightening up again, handed him the

'"It's not a bad idea though," said the baron, feeling the edge of the weapon; "a man killing himself because he

'"Pooh!" said the apparition, petulantly, "no better than a man's killing himself because he has none or little."

'Whether the genius unintentionally committed himself in saying this, or whether he thought the baron's mind

was so thoroughly made up that it didn't matter what he said, I have no means of knowing. I only know that

the baron stopped his hand, all of a sudden, opened his eyes wide, and looked as if quite a new light had come

'The genius was evidently growing very savage with the baron, for holding these opinions all at once; but he

CHAPTER 6. In which the Occurrence of the Accident mentioned in the last Chapter, affords an Opportunity to a couple of Gentlemen to tell Stories against each other 53

tried to laugh it off, and said if he would let him know when he had left off joking he should feel obliged to

'"Well, I am glad to hear that," said the genius, looking very grim, "because a joke, without any figure of

'"I don't know," said the baron, playing with the knife; "it's a dreary one certainly, but I don't think yours is

much better, for you have not the appearance of being particularly comfortable. That puts me in mindwhat

security have I, that I shall be any the better for going out of the world after all!" he cried, starting up; "I

'"Keep off!" said the baron. 'I'll brood over miseries no longer, but put a good face on the matter, and try the

fresh air and the bears again; and if that don't do, I'll talk to the baroness soundly, and cut the Von

Swillenhausens dead.' With this the baron fell into his chair, and laughed so loud and boisterously, that the

'The figure fell back a pace or two, regarding the baron meanwhile with a look of intense terror, and when he

had ceased, caught up the stake, plunged it violently into its body, uttered a frightful howl, and disappeared.

'Von Koeldwethout never saw it again. Having once made up his mind to action, he soon brought the

baroness and the Von Swillenhausens to reason, and died many years afterwards: not a rich man that I am

aware of, but certainly a happy one: leaving behind him a numerous family, who had been carefully educated

in bear and boarhunting under his own personal eye. And my advice to all men is, that if ever they become

hipped and melancholy from similar causes (as very many men do), they look at both sides of the question,

applying a magnifyingglass to the best one; and if they still feel tempted to retire without leave, that they

smoke a large pipe and drink a full bottle first, and profit by the laudable example of the Baron of Grogzwig.'

'The fresh coach is ready, ladies and gentlemen, if you please,' said a new driver, looking in.

This intelligence caused the punch to be finished in a great hurry, and prevented any discussion relative to the

last story. Mr Squeers was observed to draw the greyheaded gentleman on one side, and to ask a question

with great apparent interest; it bore reference to the Five Sisters of York, and was, in fact, an inquiry whether

he could inform him how much per annum the Yorkshire convents got in those days with their boarders.

The journey was then resumed. Nicholas fell asleep towards morning, and, when he awoke, found, with great

regret, that, during his nap, both the Baron of Grogzwig and the greyhaired gentleman had got down and

were gone. The day dragged on uncomfortably enough. At about six o'clock that night, he and Mr Squeers,

and the little boys, and their united luggage, were all put down together at the George and New Inn, Greta

Mr Squeers, being safely landed, left Nicholas and the boys standing with the luggage in the road, to amuse

themselves by looking at the coach as it changed horses, while he ran into the tavern and went through the

legstretching process at the bar. After some minutes, he returned, with his legs thoroughly stretched, if the

hue of his nose and a short hiccup afforded any criterion; and at the same time there came out of the yard a

'Put the boys and the boxes into the cart,' said Squeers, rubbing his hands; 'and this young man and me will go

Nicholas obeyed. Mr. Squeers with some difficulty inducing the pony to obey also, they started off, leaving

'Are you cold, Nickleby?' inquired Squeers, after they had travelled some distance in silence.

'Well, I don't find fault with that,' said Squeers; 'it's a long journey this weather.'

'About three mile from here,' replied Squeers. 'But you needn't call it a Hall down here.'

'No,' replied Squeers. 'We call it a Hall up in London, because it sounds better, but they don't know it by that

name in these parts. A man may call his house an island if he likes; there's no act of Parliament against that, I

Squeers eyed his companion slyly, at the conclusion of this little dialogue, and finding that he had grown

thoughtful and appeared in nowise disposed to volunteer any observations, contented himself with lashing the

'Jump out,' said Squeers. 'Hallo there! Come and put this horse up. Be quick, will you!'

While the schoolmaster was uttering these and other impatient cries, Nicholas had time to observe that the

school was a long, cold looking house, one storey high, with a few straggling outbuildings behind, and a

barn and stable adjoining. After the lapse of a minute or two, the noise of somebody unlocking the yardgate

was heard, and presently a tall lean boy, with a lantern in his hand, issued forth.

'Only in the kitchen, sir,' replied the boy. 'Missus said as I was sitting up, I might go in there for a warm.'

'Your missus is a fool,' retorted Squeers. 'You'd have been a deuced deal more wakeful in the cold, I'll

By this time Mr Squeers had dismounted; and after ordering the boy to see to the pony, and to take care that

he hadn't any more corn that night, he told Nicholas to wait at the frontdoor a minute while he went round

A host of unpleasant misgivings, which had been crowding upon Nicholas during the whole journey,

thronged into his mind with redoubled force when he was left alone. His great distance from home and the

impossibility of reaching it, except on foot, should he feel ever so anxious to return, presented itself to him in

most alarming colours; and as he looked up at the dreary house and dark windows, and upon the wild country

round, covered with snow, he felt a depression of heart and spirit which he had never experienced before.

'Now then!' cried Squeers, poking his head out at the frontdoor. 'Where are you, Nickleby?'

'Come in, then,' said Squeers 'the wind blows in, at this door, fit to knock a man off his legs.'

Nicholas sighed, and hurried in. Mr Squeers, having bolted the door to keep it shut, ushered him into a small

parlour scantily furnished with a few chairs, a yellow map hung against the wall, and a couple of tables; one

of which bore some preparations for supper; while, on the other, a tutor's assistant, a Murray's grammar,

halfadozen cards of terms, and a worn letter directed to Wackford Squeers, Esquire, were arranged in

They had not been in this apartment a couple of minutes, when a female bounced into the room, and, seizing

Mr Squeers by the throat, gave him two loud kisses: one close after the other, like a postman's knock. The

lady, who was of a large rawboned figure, was about half a head taller than Mr Squeers, and was dressed in

a dimity nightjacket; with her hair in papers; she had also a dirty nightcap on, relieved by a yellow cotton

'How is my Squeery?' said this lady in a playful manner, and a very hoarse voice.

'Come; that's a blessing,' said Squeers, pulling off his greatcoat. 'The boys are all as they were, I suppose?'

'Oh, yes, they're well enough,' replied Mrs Squeers, snappishly. 'That young Pitcher's had a fever.'

'No!' exclaimed Squeers. 'Damn that boy, he's always at something of that sort.'

'Never was such a boy, I do believe,' said Mrs Squeers; 'whatever he has is always catching too. I say it's

obstinacy, and nothing shall ever convince me that it isn't. I'd beat it out of him; and I told you that, six

Pending these little endearments, Nicholas had stood, awkwardly enough, in the middle of the room: not very

well knowing whether he was expected to retire into the passage, or to remain where he was. He was now

'Oh,' replied Mrs Squeers, nodding her head at Nicholas, and eyeing him coldly from top to toe.

'He'll take a meal with us tonight,' said Squeers, 'and go among the boys tomorrow morning. You can give

'We must manage it somehow,' replied the lady. 'You don't much mind how you sleep, I suppose, sir?'

'That's lucky,' said Mrs Squeers. And as the lady's humour was considered to lie chiefly in retort, Mr Squeers

After some further conversation between the master and mistress relative to the success of Mr Squeers's trip

and the people who had paid, and the people who had made default in payment, a young servant girl brought

in a Yorkshire pie and some cold beef, which being set upon the table, the boy Smike appeared with a jug of

Mr Squeers was emptying his greatcoat pockets of letters to different boys, and other small documents,

which he had brought down in them. The boy glanced, with an anxious and timid expression, at the papers, as

if with a sickly hope that one among them might relate to him. The look was a very painful one, and went to

It induced him to consider the boy more attentively, and he was surprised to observe the extraordinary

mixture of garments which formed his dress. Although he could not have been less than eighteen or nineteen

years old, and was tall for that age, he wore a skeleton suit, such as is usually put upon very little boys, and

which, though most absurdly short in the arms and legs, was quite wide enough for his attenuated frame. In

order that the lower part of his legs might be in perfect keeping with this singular dress, he had a very large

pair of boots, originally made for tops, which might have been once worn by some stout farmer, but were

now too patched and tattered for a beggar. Heaven knows how long he had been there, but he still wore the

same linen which he had first taken down; for, round his neck, was a tattered child's frill, only half concealed

by a coarse, man's neckerchief. He was lame; and as he feigned to be busy in arranging the table, glanced at

the letters with a look so keen, and yet so dispirited and hopeless, that Nicholas could hardly bear to watch

'What are you bothering about there, Smike?' cried Mrs Squeers; 'let the things alone, can't you?'

'Yes, sir,' replied the youth, pressing his hands together, as though to control, by force, the nervous wandering

The lad withdrew his eyes, and, putting his hand to his face, moved towards the door.

'Not a word,' resumed Squeers, 'and never will be. Now, this is a pretty sort of thing, isn't it, that you should

have been left here, all these years, and no money paid after the first sixnor no notice taken, nor no clue to

be got who you belong to? It's a pretty sort of thing that I should have to feed a great fellow like you, and

The boy put his hand to his head as if he were making an effort to recollect something, and then, looking

'I'll tell you what, Squeers,' remarked his wife as the door closed, 'I think that young chap's turning silly.'

'I hope not,' said the schoolmaster; 'for he's a handy fellow out of doors, and worth his meat and drink,

anyway. I should think he'd have wit enough for us though, if he was. But come; let's have supper, for I am

This reminder brought in an exclusive steak for Mr Squeers, who speedily proceeded to do it ample justice.

'I couldn't eat a morsel,' replied his wife. 'What'll the young man take, my dear?'

'Whatever he likes that's present,' rejoined Squeers, in a most unusual burst of generosity.

'I'll take a little of the pie, if you please,' replied Nicholas. 'A very little, for I'm not hungry.'

Well, it's a pity to cut the pie if you're not hungry, isn't it?' said Mrs Squeers. 'Will you try a bit of the beef?'

'Whatever you please,' replied Nicholas abstractedly; 'it's all the same to me.'

Mrs Squeers looked vastly gracious on receiving this reply; and nodding to Squeers, as much as to say that

she was glad to find the young man knew his station, assisted Nicholas to a slice of meat with her own fair

'Ale, Squeery?' inquired the lady, winking and frowning to give him to understand that the question

propounded, was, whether Nicholas should have ale, and not whether he (Squeers) would take any.

So Nicholas had a glassful, and being occupied with his own reflections, drank it, in happy innocence of all

'Uncommon juicy steak that,' said Squeers, as he laid down his knife and fork, after plying it, in silence, for

'It's prime meat,' rejoined his lady. 'I bought a good large piece of it myself on purpose for'

'No, no; not for them,' rejoined Mrs Squeers; 'on purpose for you against you came home. Lor! you didn't

'Upon my word, my dear, I didn't know what you were going to say,' said Squeers, who had turned pale.

'You needn't make yourself uncomfortable,' remarked his wife, laughing heartily. 'To think that I should be

This part of the conversation was rather unintelligible; but popular rumour in the neighbourhood asserted that

Mr Squeers, being amiably opposed to cruelty to animals, not unfrequently purchased for by consumption the

bodies of horned cattle who had died a natural death; possibly he was apprehensive of having unintentionally

Supper being over, and removed by a small servant girl with a hungry eye, Mrs Squeers retired to lock it up,

and also to take into safe custody the clothes of the five boys who had just arrived, and who were halfway

up the troublesome flight of steps which leads to death's door, in consequence of exposure to the cold. They

were then regaled with a light supper of porridge, and stowed away, side by side, in a small bedstead, to

warm each other, and dream of a substantial meal with something hot after it, if their fancies set that way:

Mr Squeers treated himself to a stiff tumbler of brandy and water, made on the liberal halfandhalf

principle, allowing for the dissolution of the sugar; and his amiable helpmate mixed Nicholas the ghost of a

small glassful of the same compound. This done, Mr and Mrs Squeers drew close up to the fire, and sitting

with their feet on the fender, talked confidentially in whispers; while Nicholas, taking up the tutor's assistant,

read the interesting legends in the miscellaneous questions, and all the figures into the bargain, with as much

thought or consciousness of what he was doing, as if he had been in a magnetic slumber.

At length, Mr Squeers yawned fearfully, and opined that it was high time to go to bed; upon which signal,

Mrs Squeers and the girl dragged in a small straw mattress and a couple of blankets, and arranged them into a

'We'll put you into your regular bedroom tomorrow, Nickelby,' said Squeers. 'Let me see! Who sleeps in

'In Brooks's,' said Mrs Squeers, pondering. 'There's Jennings, little Bolder, Graymarsh, and what's his name.'

'There's a place somewhere, I know,' said Squeers; 'but I can't at this moment call to mind where it is.

However, we'll have that all settled tomorrow. Goodnight, Nickleby. Seven o'clock in the morning, mind.'

'I'll come in myself and show you where the well is,' said Squeers. 'You'll always find a little bit of soap in the

Nicholas opened his eyes, but not his mouth; and Squeers was again going away, when he once more turned

'I don't know, I am sure,' he said, 'whose towel to put you on; but if you'll make shift with something

tomorrow morning, Mrs Squeers will arrange that, in the course of the day. My dear, don't forget.'

'I'll take care,' replied Mrs Squeers; 'and mind YOU take care, young man, and get first wash. The teacher

Mr Squeers then nudged Mrs Squeers to bring away the brandy bottle, lest Nicholas should help himself in

the night; and the lady having seized it with great precipitation, they retired together.

Nicholas, being left alone, took halfadozen turns up and down the room in a condition of much agitation

and excitement; but, growing gradually calmer, sat himself down in a chair, and mentally resolved that, come

what come might, he would endeavour, for a time, to bear whatever wretchedness might be in store for him,

and that remembering the helplessness of his mother and sister, he would give his uncle no plea for deserting

them in their need. Good resolutions seldom fail of producing some good effect in the mind from which they

spring. He grew less desponding, andso sanguine and buoyant is youtheven hoped that affairs at

He was preparing for bed, with something like renewed cheerfulness, when a sealed letter fell from his coat

pocket. In the hurry of leaving London, it had escaped his attention, and had not occurred to him since, but it

at once brought back to him the recollection of the mysterious behaviour of Newman Noggs.

It was directed to himself, was written upon very dirty paper, and in such cramped and crippled writing as to

be almost illegible. After great difficulty and much puzzling, he contrived to read as follows:

I know the world. Your father did not, or he would not have done me a kindness when there was no hope of

If ever you want a shelter in London (don't be angry at this, I once thought I never should), they know where

I live, at the sign of the Crown, in Silver Street, Golden Square. It is at the corner of Silver Street and James

Street, with a bar door both ways. You can come at night. Once, nobody was ashamednever mind that. It's

Excuse errors. I should forget how to wear a whole coat now. I have forgotten all my old ways. My spelling

P.S. If you should go near Barnard Castle, there is good ale at the King's Head. Say you know me, and I am

sure they will not charge you for it. You may say Mr Noggs there, for I was a gentleman then. I was indeed.

It may be a very undignified circumstances to record, but after he had folded this letter and placed it in his

pocketbook, Nicholas Nickleby's eyes were dimmed with a moisture that might have been taken for tears.

A ride of two hundred and odd miles in severe weather, is one of the best softeners of a hard bed that

ingenuity can devise. Perhaps it is even a sweetener of dreams, for those which hovered over the rough couch

of Nicholas, and whispered their airy nothings in his ear, were of an agreeable and happy kind. He was

making his fortune very fast indeed, when the faint glimmer of an expiring candle shone before his eyes, and

a voice he had no difficulty in recognising as part and parcel of Mr Squeers, admonished him that it was time

'Ah! that has it,' replied Squeers, 'and ready iced too. Now, Nickleby, come; tumble up, will you?'

Nicholas needed no further admonition, but 'tumbled up' at once, and proceeded to dress himself by the light

'No, not a bit of it,' rejoined Squeers tartly. 'So you must be content with giving yourself a dry polish till we

break the ice in the well, and can get a bucketful out for the boys. Don't stand staring at me, but do look

Offering no further observation, Nicholas huddled on his clothes. Squeers, meanwhile, opened the shutters

and blew the candle out; when the voice of his amiable consort was heard in the passage, demanding

Mrs Squeers came in, still habited in the primitive nightjacket which had displayed the symmetry of her

figure on the previous night, and further ornamented with a beaver bonnet of some antiquity, which she wore,

'Drat the things,' said the lady, opening the cupboard; 'I can't find the school spoon anywhere.'

'Never mind it, my dear,' observed Squeers in a soothing manner; 'it's of no consequence.'

'No consequence, why how you talk!' retorted Mrs Squeers sharply; 'isn't it brimstone morning?'

'I forgot, my dear,' rejoined Squeers; 'yes, it certainly is. We purify the boys' bloods now and then, Nickleby.'

'Purify fiddlesticks' ends,' said his lady. 'Don't think, young man, that we go to the expense of flower of

brimstone and molasses, just to purify them; because if you think we carry on the business in that way, you'll

'Oh! nonsense,' rejoined Mrs Squeers. 'If the young man comes to be a teacher here, let him understand, at

once, that we don't want any foolery about the boys. They have the brimstone and treacle, partly because if

they hadn't something or other in the way of medicine they'd be always ailing and giving a world of trouble,

and partly because it spoils their appetites and comes cheaper than breakfast and dinner. So, it does them

Having given this explanation, Mrs Squeers put her head into the closet and instituted a stricter search after

the spoon, in which Mr Squeers assisted. A few words passed between them while they were thus engaged,

but as their voices were partially stifled by the cupboard, all that Nicholas could distinguish was, that Mr

Squeers said what Mrs Squeers had said, was injudicious, and that Mrs Squeers said what Mr Squeers said,

A vast deal of searching and rummaging ensued, and it proving fruitless, Smike was called in, and pushed by

Mrs Squeers, and boxed by Mr Squeers; which course of treatment brightening his intellects, enabled him to

suggest that possibly Mrs Squeers might have the spoon in her pocket, as indeed turned out to be the case. As

Mrs Squeers had previously protested, however, that she was quite certain she had not got it, Smike received

another box on the ear for presuming to contradict his mistress, together with a promise of a sound thrashing

if he were not more respectful in future; so that he took nothing very advantageous by his motion.

'A most invaluable woman, that, Nickleby,' said Squeers when his consort had hurried away, pushing the

'I don't know her equal,' said Squeers; 'I do not know her equal. That woman, Nickleby, is always the

samealways the same bustling, lively, active, saving creetur that you see her now.'

Nicholas sighed involuntarily at the thought of the agreeable domestic prospect thus opened to him; but

Squeers was, fortunately, too much occupied with his own reflections to perceive it.

'It's my way to say, when I am up in London,' continued Squeers, 'that to them boys she is a mother. But she

is more than a mother to them; ten times more. She does things for them boys, Nickleby, that I don't believe

Now, the fact was, that both Mr and Mrs Squeers viewed the boys in the light of their proper and natural

enemies; or, in other words, they held and considered that their business and profession was to get as much

from every boy as could by possibility be screwed out of him. On this point they were both agreed, and

behaved in unison accordingly. The only difference between them was, that Mrs Squeers waged war against

the enemy openly and fearlessly, and that Squeers covered his rascality, even at home, with a spice of his

habitual deceit; as if he really had a notion of someday or other being able to take himself in, and persuade

'But come,' said Squeers, interrupting the progress of some thoughts to this effect in the mind of his usher,

Nicholas assisted his master to put on an old fustian shooting jacket, which he took down from a peg in the

passage; and Squeers, arming himself with his cane, led the way across a yard, to a door in the rear of the

'There,' said the schoolmaster as they stepped in together; 'this is our shop, Nickleby!'

It was such a crowded scene, and there were so many objects to attract attention, that, at first, Nicholas stared

about him, really without seeing anything at all. By degrees, however, the place resolved itself into a bare and

dirty room, with a couple of windows, whereof a tenth part might be of glass, the remainder being stopped up

with old copybooks and paper. There were a couple of long old rickety desks, cut and notched, and inked,

and damaged, in every possible way; two or three forms; a detached desk for Squeers; and another for his

assistant. The ceiling was supported, like that of a barn, by crossbeams and rafters; and the walls were so

stained and discoloured, that it was impossible to tell whether they had ever been touched with paint or

But the pupilsthe young noblemen! How the last faint traces of hope, the remotest glimmering of any good

to be derived from his efforts in this den, faded from the mind of Nicholas as he looked in dismay around!

Pale and haggard faces, lank and bony figures, children with the countenances of old men, deformities with

irons upon their limbs, boys of stunted growth, and others whose long meagre legs would hardly bear their

stooping bodies, all crowded on the view together; there were the bleared eye, the harelip, the crooked foot,

and every ugliness or distortion that told of unnatural aversion conceived by parents for their offspring, or of

young lives which, from the earliest dawn of infancy, had been one horrible endurance of cruelty and neglect.

There were little faces which should have been handsome, darkened with the scowl of sullen, dogged

suffering; there was childhood with the light of its eye quenched, its beauty gone, and its helplessness alone

remaining; there were viciousfaced boys, brooding, with leaden eyes, like malefactors in a jail; and there

were young creatures on whom the sins of their frail parents had descended, weeping even for the mercenary

nurses they had known, and lonesome even in their loneliness. With every kindly sympathy and affection

blasted in its birth, with every young and healthy feeling flogged and starved down, with every revengeful

passion that can fester in swollen hearts, eating its evil way to their core in silence, what an incipient Hell was

And yet this scene, painful as it was, had its grotesque features, which, in a less interested observer than

Nicholas, might have provoked a smile. Mrs Squeers stood at one of the desks, presiding over an immense

basin of brimstone and treacle, of which delicious compound she administered a large instalment to each boy

in succession: using for the purpose a common wooden spoon, which might have been originally

manufactured for some gigantic top, and which widened every young gentleman's mouth considerably: they

being all obliged, under heavy corporal penalties, to take in the whole of the bowl at a gasp. In another

corner, huddled together for companionship, were the little boys who had arrived on the preceding night,

three of them in very large leather breeches, and two in old trousers, a something tighter fit than drawers are

usually worn; at no great distance from these was seated the juvenile son and heir of Mr Squeersa striking

likeness of his fatherkicking, with great vigour, under the hands of Smike, who was fitting upon him a pair

of new boots that bore a most suspicious resemblance to those which the least of the little boys had worn on

the journey downas the little boy himself seemed to think, for he was regarding the appropriation with a

look of most rueful amazement. Besides these, there was a long row of boys waiting, with countenances of no

pleasant anticipation, to be treacled; and another file, who had just escaped from the infliction, making a

variety of wry mouths indicative of anything but satisfaction. The whole were attired in such motley,

illassorted, extraordinary garments, as would have been irresistibly ridiculous, but for the foul appearance of

'Now,' said Squeers, giving the desk a great rap with his cane, which made half the little boys nearly jump out

'Just over,' said Mrs Squeers, choking the last boy in her hurry, and tapping the crown of his head with the

Smike shuffled out with the basin, and Mrs Squeers having called up a little boy with a curly head, and wiped

her hands upon it, hurried out after him into a species of washhouse, where there was a small fire and a

large kettle, together with a number of little wooden bowls which were arranged upon a board.

Into these bowls, Mrs Squeers, assisted by the hungry servant, poured a brown composition, which looked

like diluted pincushions without the covers, and was called porridge. A minute wedge of brown bread was

inserted in each bowl, and when they had eaten their porridge by means of the bread, the boys ate the bread

itself, and had finished their breakfast; whereupon Mr Squeers said, in a solemn voice, 'For what we have

Nicholas distended his stomach with a bowl of porridge, for much the same reason which induces some

savages to swallow earthlest they should be inconveniently hungry when there is nothing to eat. Having

further disposed of a slice of bread and butter, allotted to him in virtue of his office, he sat himself down, to

He could not but observe how silent and sad the boys all seemed to be. There was none of the noise and

clamour of a schoolroom; none of its boisterous play, or hearty mirth. The children sat crouching and

shivering together, and seemed to lack the spirit to move about. The only pupil who evinced the slightest

tendency towards locomotion or playfulness was Master Squeers, and as his chief amusement was to tread

upon the other boys' toes in his new boots, his flow of spirits was rather disagreeable than otherwise.

After some halfhour's delay, Mr Squeers reappeared, and the boys took their places and their books, of

which latter commodity the average might be about one to eight learners. A few minutes having elapsed,

during which Mr Squeers looked very profound, as if he had a perfect apprehension of what was inside all the

books, and could say every word of their contents by heart if he only chose to take the trouble, that gentleman

Obedient to this summons there ranged themselves in front of the schoolmaster's desk, halfadozen

scarecrows, out at knees and elbows, one of whom placed a torn and filthy book beneath his learned eye.

'This is the first class in English spelling and philosophy, Nickleby,' said Squeers, beckoning Nicholas to

stand beside him. 'We'll get up a Latin one, and hand that over to you. Now, then, where's the first boy?'

'Please, sir, he's cleaning the backparlour window,' said the temporary head of the philosophical class.

'So he is, to be sure,' rejoined Squeers. 'We go upon the practical mode of teaching, Nickleby; the regular

education system. Clea n, clean, verb active, to make bright, to scour. Win, win, der, der, winder,

a casement. When the boy knows this out of book, he goes and does it. It's just the same principle as the use

'To be sure,' said Squeers, by no means disconcerted. 'So he is. Bot, bot, tin, tin, bottin, ney, ney,

bottinney, noun substantive, a knowledge of plants. When he has learned that bottinney means a knowledge

of plants, he goes and knows 'em. That's our system, Nickleby: what do you think of it?'

'I believe you,' rejoined Squeers, not remarking the emphasis of his usher. 'Third boy, what's horse?'

'Of course there isn't,' said Squeers. 'A horse is a quadruped, and quadruped's Latin for beast, as everybody

that's gone through the grammar knows, or else where's the use of having grammars at all?'

'As you're perfect in that,' resumed Squeers, turning to the boy, 'go and look after MY horse, and rub him

down well, or I'll rub you down. The rest of the class go and draw water up, till somebody tells you to leave

So saying, he dismissed the first class to their experiments in practical philosophy, and eyed Nicholas with a

look, half cunning and half doubtful, as if he were not altogether certain what he might think of him by this

Nicholas shrugged his shoulders in a manner that was scarcely perceptible, and said he saw it was.

'And a very good way it is, too,' said Squeers. 'Now, just take them fourteen little boys and hear them some

reading, because, you know, you must begin to be useful. Idling about here won't do.'

Mr Squeers said this, as if it had suddenly occurred to him, either that he must not say too much to his

assistant, or that his assistant did not say enough to him in praise of the establishment. The children were

arranged in a semicircle round the new master, and he was soon listening to their dull, drawling, hesitating

recital of those stories of engrossing interest which are to be found in the more antiquated spellingbooks.

In this exciting occupation, the morning lagged heavily on. At one o'clock, the boys, having previously had

their appetites thoroughly taken away by stirabout and potatoes, sat down in the kitchen to some hard salt

beef, of which Nicholas was graciously permitted to take his portion to his own solitary desk, to eat it there in

peace. After this, there was another hour of crouching in the schoolroom and shivering with cold, and then

It was Mr Squeer's custom to call the boys together, and make a sort of report, after every halfyearly visit to

the metropolis, regarding the relations and friends he had seen, the news he had heard, the letters he had

brought down, the bills which had been paid, the accounts which had been left unpaid, and so forth. This

solemn proceeding always took place in the afternoon of the day succeeding his return; perhaps, because the

boys acquired strength of mind from the suspense of the morning, or, possibly, because Mr Squeers himself

acquired greater sternness and inflexibility from certain warm potations in which he was wont to indulge after

his early dinner. Be this as it may, the boys were recalled from house window, garden, stable, and

cowyard, and the school were assembled in full conclave, when Mr Squeers, with a small bundle of papers

in his hand, and Mrs S. following with a pair of canes, entered the room and proclaimed silence.

'Let any boy speak a word without leave,' said Mr Squeers mildly, 'and I'll take the skin off his back.'

This special proclamation had the desired effect, and a deathlike silence immediately prevailed, in the midst

'Boys, I've been to London, and have returned to my family and you, as strong and well as ever.'

According to halfyearly custom, the boys gave three feeble cheers at this refreshing intelligence. Such

'I have seen the parents of some boys,' continued Squeers, turning over his papers, 'and they're so glad to hear

how their sons are getting on, that there's no prospect at all of their going away, which of course is a very

Two or three hands went to two or three eyes when Squeers said this, but the greater part of the young

gentlemen having no particular parents to speak of, were wholly uninterested in the thing one way or other.

'I have had diappointments to contend against,' said Squeers, looking very grim; 'Bolder's father was two

'Here he is, please sir,' rejoined twenty officious voices. Boys are very like men to be sure.

An unhealthylooking boy, with warts all over his hands, stepped from his place to the master's desk, and

raised his eyes imploringly to Squeers's face; his own, quite white from the rapid beating of his heart.

'Bolder,' said Squeers, speaking very slowly, for he was considering, as the saying goes, where to have him.

As Squeers spoke, he caught up the boy's hand by the cuff of his jacket, and surveyed it with an edifying

'What do you call this, sir?' demanded the schoolmaster, administering a cut with the cane to expedite the

'I can't help it, indeed, sir,' rejoined the boy, crying. 'They will come; it's the dirty work I think, sirat least I

'Bolder,' said Squeers, tucking up his wristbands, and moistening the palm of his right hand to get a good grip

of the cane, 'you're an incorrigible young scoundrel, and as the last thrashing did you no good, we must see

With this, and wholly disregarding a piteous cry for mercy, Mr Squeers fell upon the boy and caned him

'There,' said Squeers, when he had quite done; 'rub away as hard as you like, you won't rub that off in a hurry.

The drudge knew better from long experience, than to hesitate about obeying, so he bundled the victim out by

a sidedoor, and Mr Squeers perched himself again on his own stool, supported by Mrs Squeers, who

Another boy stood up, and eyed the letter very hard while Squeers made a mental abstract of the same.

'Oh!' said Squeers: 'Cobbey's grandmother is dead, and his uncle John has took to drinking, which is all the

news his sister sends, except eighteenpence, which will just pay for that broken square of glass. Mrs Squeers,

The worthy lady pocketed the eighteenpence with a most businesslike air, and Squeers passed on to the next

'Graymarsh's maternal aunt,' said Squeers, when he had possessed himself of the contents, 'is very glad to

hear he's so well and happy, and sends her respectful compliments to Mrs Squeers, and thinks she must be an

angel. She likewise thinks Mr Squeers is too good for this world; but hopes he may long be spared to carry on

the business. Would have sent the two pair of stockings as desired, but is short of money, so forwards a tract

instead, and hopes Graymarsh will put his trust in Providence. Hopes, above all, that he will study in

everything to please Mr and Mrs Squeers, and look upon them as his only friends; and that he will love

Master Squeers; and not object to sleeping five in a bed, which no Christian should. Ah!' said Squeers,

It was affecting in one sense, for Graymarsh's maternal aunt was strongly supposed, by her more intimate

friends, to be no other than his maternal parent; Squeers, however, without alluding to this part of the story

(which would have sounded immoral before boys), proceeded with the business by calling out 'Mobbs,'

'Mobbs's stepmother,' said Squeers, 'took to her bed on hearing that he wouldn't eat fat, and has been very ill

ever since. She wishes to know, by an early post, where he expects to go to, if he quarrels with his vittles; and

with what feelings he could turn up his nose at the cow'sliver broth, after his good master had asked a

blessing on it. This was told her in the London newspapersnot by Mr Squeers, for he is too kind and too

good to set anybody against anybodyand it has vexed her so much, Mobbs can't think. She is sorry to find

he is discontented, which is sinful and horrid, and hopes Mr Squeers will flog him into a happier state of

mind; with which view, she has also stopped his halfpenny a week pocketmoney, and given a

doublebladed knife with a corkscrew in it to the Missionaries, which she had bought on purpose for him.'

'A sulky state of feeling,' said Squeers, after a terrible pause, during which he had moistened the palm of his

right hand again, 'won't do. Cheerfulness and contentment must be kept up. Mobbs, come to me!'

Mobbs moved slowly towards the desk, rubbing his eyes in anticipation of good cause for doing so; and he

Mr Squeers then proceeded to open a miscellaneous collection of letters; some enclosing money, which Mrs

Squeers 'took care of;' and others referring to small articles of apparel, as caps and so forth, all of which the

same lady stated to be too large, or too small, and calculated for nobody but young Squeers, who would

appear indeed to have had most accommodating limbs, since everything that came into the school fitted him

to a nicety. His head, in particular, must have been singularly elastic, for hats and caps of all dimensions were

This business dispatched, a few slovenly lessons were performed, and Squeers retired to his fireside, leaving

Nicholas to take care of the boys in the schoolroom, which was very cold, and where a meal of bread and

There was a small stove at that corner of the room which was nearest to the master's desk, and by it Nicholas

sat down, so depressed and selfdegraded by the consciousness of his position, that if death could have come

upon him at that time, he would have been almost happy to meet it. The cruelty of which he had been an

unwilling witness, the coarse and ruffianly behaviour of Squeers even in his best moods, the filthy place, the

sights and sounds about him, all contributed to this state of feeling; but when he recollected that, being there

as an assistant, he actually seemedno matter what unhappy train of circumstances had brought him to that

passto be the aider and abettor of a system which filled him with honest disgust and indignation, he

loathed himself, and felt, for the moment, as though the mere consciousness of his present situation must,

But, for the present, his resolve was taken, and the resolution he had formed on the preceding night remained

undisturbed. He had written to his mother and sister, announcing the safe conclusion of his journey, and

saying as little about Dotheboys Hall, and saying that little as cheerfully, as he possibly could. He hoped that

by remaining where he was, he might do some good, even there; at all events, others depended too much on

One reflection disturbed him far more than any selfish considerations arising out of his own position. This

was the probable destination of his sister Kate. His uncle had deceived him, and might he not consign her to

some miserable place where her youth and beauty would prove a far greater curse than ugliness and

decrepitude? To a caged man, bound hand and foot, this was a terrible ideabut no, he thought, his mother

was by; there was the portraitpainter, toosimple enough, but still living in the world, and of it. He was

willing to believe that Ralph Nickleby had conceived a personal dislike to himself. Having pretty good

reason, by this time, to reciprocate it, he had no great difficulty in arriving at this conclusion, and tried to

As he was absorbed in these meditations, he all at once encountered the upturned face of Smike, who was on

his knees before the stove, picking a few stray cinders from the hearth and planting them on the fire. He had

paused to steal a look at Nicholas, and when he saw that he was observed, shrunk back, as if expecting a

There was such an obvious fear of giving offence in his manner, and he was such a timid, brokenspirited

If he had struck the drudge, he would have slunk away without a word. But, now, he burst into tears.

'Oh dear, oh dear!' he cried, covering his face with his cracked and horny hands. 'My heart will break. It will,

'Hush!' said Nicholas, laying his hand upon his shoulder. 'Be a man; you are nearly one by years, God help

'By years!' cried Smike. 'Oh dear, dear, how many of them! How many of them since I was a little child,

'Whom do you speak of?' inquired Nicholas, wishing to rouse the poor halfwitted creature to reason. 'Tell

'No,' rejoined the other, 'no; none for me. Do you remember the boy that died here?'

'Why,' replied the youth, drawing closer to his questioner's side, 'I was with him at night, and when it was all

silent he cried no more for friends he wished to come and sit with him, but began to see faces round his bed

that came from home; he said they smiled, and talked to him; and he died at last lifting his head to kiss them.

'What faces will smile on me when I die!' cried his companion, shivering. 'Who will talk to me in those long

nights! They cannot come from home; they would frighten me, if they did, for I don't know what it is, and

shouldn't know them. Pain and fear, pain and fear for me, alive or dead. No hope, no hope!'

The bell rang to bed: and the boy, subsiding at the sound into his usual listless state, crept away as if anxious

to avoid notice. It was with a heavy heart that Nicholas soon afterwardsno, not retired; there was no

When Mr Squeers left the schoolroom for the night, he betook himself, as has been before remarked, to his

own fireside, which was situatednot in the room in which Nicholas had supped on the night of his arrival,

but in a smaller apartment in the rear of the premises, where his lady wife, his amiable son, and accomplished

daughter, were in the full enjoyment of each other's society; Mrs Squeers being engaged in the matronly

pursuit of stockingdarning; and the young lady and gentleman being occupied in the adjustment of some

youthful differences, by means of a pugilistic contest across the table, which, on the approach of their

And, in this place, it may be as well to apprise the reader, that Miss Fanny Squeers was in her

threeandtwentieth year. If there be any one grace or loveliness inseparable from that particular period of

life, Miss Squeers may be presumed to have been possessed of it, as there is no reason to suppose that she

was a solitary exception to an universal rule. She was not tall like her mother, but short like her father; from

the former she inherited a voice of harsh quality; from the latter a remarkable expression of the right eye,

CHAPTER 9. Of Miss Squeers, Mrs Squeers, Master Squeers, and Mr Squeers; and of various Matters and Persons connected no less with the Squeerses than Nicholas Nickleby 69

Miss Squeers had been spending a few days with a neighbouring friend, and had only just returned to the

parental roof. To this circumstance may be referred, her having heard nothing of Nicholas, until Mr Squeers

'Well, my dear,' said Squeers, drawing up his chair, 'what do you think of him by this time?'

'Think of who?' inquired Mrs Squeers; who (as she often remarked) was no grammarian, thank Heaven.

'What's that to you?' retorted Mrs Squeers. 'If I hate him, that's enough, ain't it?'

'Quite enough for him, my dear, and a great deal too much I dare say, if he knew it,' replied Squeers in a

'Well, then, if you want to know,' rejoined Mrs Squeers, 'I'll tell you. Because he's a proud, haughty,

Mrs Squeers, when excited, was accustomed to use strong language, and, moreover, to make use of a

plurality of epithets, some of which were of a figurative kind, as the word peacock, and furthermore the

allusion to Nicholas's nose, which was not intended to be taken in its literal sense, but rather to bear a latitude

Neither were they meant to bear reference to each other, so much as to the object on whom they were

bestowed, as will be seen in the present case: a peacock with a turnedup nose being a novelty in

'Hem!' said Squeers, as if in mild deprecation of this outbreak. 'He is cheap, my dear; the young man is very

'I don't see that you want him any more than the dead,' said Mrs Squeers. 'Don't tell me. You can put on the

cards and in the advertisements, "Education by Mr Wackford Squeers and able assistants," without having

any assistants, can't you? Isn't it done every day by all the masters about? I've no patience with you.'

'Haven't you!' said Squeers, sternly. 'Now I'll tell you what, Mrs Squeers. In this matter of having a teacher,

I'll take my own way, if you please. A slave driver in the West Indies is allowed a man under him, to see that

his blacks don't run away, or get up a rebellion; and I'll have a man under me to do the same with OUR

blacks, till such time as little Wackford is able to take charge of the school.'

CHAPTER 9. Of Miss Squeers, Mrs Squeers, Master Squeers, and Mr Squeers; and of various Matters and Persons connected no less with the Squeerses than Nicholas Nickleby 70

'Am I to take care of the school when I grow up a man, father?' said Wackford junior, suspending, in the

'Oh my eye, won't I give it to the boys!' exclaimed the interesting child, grasping his father's cane. 'Oh, father,

It was a proud moment in Mr Squeers's life, when he witnessed that burst of enthusiasm in his young child's

mind, and saw in it a foreshadowing of his future eminence. He pressed a penny into his hand, and gave vent

to his feelings (as did his exemplary wife also), in a shout of approving laughter. The infantine appeal to their

common sympathies, at once restored cheerfulness to the conversation, and harmony to the company.

'He's a nasty stuckup monkey, that's what I consider him,' said Mrs Squeers, reverting to Nicholas.

'Supposing he is,' said Squeers, 'he is as well stuck up in our schoolroom as anywhere else, isn't

'Well,' observed Mrs Squeers, 'there's something in that. I hope it'll bring his pride down, and it shall be no

Now, a proud usher in a Yorkshire school was such a very extraordinary and unaccountable thing to hear

of,any usher at all being a novelty; but a proud one, a being of whose existence the wildest imagination

could never have dreamedthat Miss Squeers, who seldom troubled herself with scholastic matters, inquired

'Nickleby,' said Squeers, spelling the name according to some eccentric system which prevailed in his own

'No matter for that,' said Mrs Squeers; 'I see them with right eyes, and that's quite enough for me. I watched

him when you were laying on to little Bolder this afternoon. He looked as black as thunder, all the while, and,

one time, started up as if he had more than got it in his mind to make a rush at you. I saw him, though he

'Never mind that, father,' said Miss Squeers, as the head of the family was about to reply. 'Who is the man?'

'Why, your father has got some nonsense in his head that he's the son of a poor gentleman that died the other

'Yes; but I don't believe a word of it. If he's a gentleman's son at all, he's a fondling, that's my opinion.'

'Mrs Squeers intended to say 'foundling,' but, as she frequently remarked when she made any such mistake, it

would be all the same a hundred years hence; with which axiom of philosophy, indeed, she was in the

constant habit of consoling the boys when they laboured under more than ordinary illusage.

'He's nothing of the kind,' said Squeers, in answer to the above remark, 'for his father was married to his

mother years before he was born, and she is alive now. If he was, it would be no business of ours, for we

make a very good friend by having him here; and if he likes to learn the boys anything besides minding them,

CHAPTER 9. Of Miss Squeers, Mrs Squeers, Master Squeers, and Mr Squeers; and of various Matters and Persons connected no less with the Squeerses than Nicholas Nickleby 71

'If you dislike him, my dear,' returned Squeers, 'I don't know anybody who can show dislike better than you,

'That's right,' said Squeers; 'and if he has a touch of pride about him, as I think he has, I don't believe there's

woman in all England that can bring anybody's spirit down, as quick as you can, my love.'

Mrs Squeers chuckled vastly on the receipt of these flattering compliments, and said, she hoped she had

tamed a high spirit or two in her day. It is but due to her character to say, that in conjunction with her

Miss Fanny Squeers carefully treasured up this, and much more conversation on the same subject, until she

retired for the night, when she questioned the hungry servant, minutely, regarding the outward appearance

and demeanour of Nicholas; to which queries the girl returned such enthusiastic replies, coupled with so

many laudatory remarks touching his beautiful dark eyes, and his sweet smile, and his straight legsupon

which lastnamed articles she laid particular stress; the general run of legs at Dotheboys Hall being

crookedthat Miss Squeers was not long in arriving at the conclusion that the new usher must be a very

remarkable person, or, as she herself significantly phrased it, 'something quite out of the common.' And so

Miss Squeers made up her mind that she would take a personal observation of Nicholas the very next day.

In pursuance of this design, the young lady watched the opportunity of her mother being engaged, and her

father absent, and went accidentally into the schoolroom to get a pen mended: where, seeing nobody but

Nicholas presiding over the boys, she blushed very deeply, and exhibited great confusion.

'I beg your pardon,' faltered Miss Squeers; 'I thought my father wasor might bedear me, how very

'Mr Squeers is out,' said Nicholas, by no means overcome by the apparition, unexpected though it was.

'Do you know will he be long, sir?' asked Miss Squeers, with bashful hesitation.

'He said about an hour,' replied Nicholaspolitely of course, but without any indication of being stricken to

'I never knew anything happen so cross,' exclaimed the young lady. 'Thank you! I am very sorry I intruded, I

am sure. If I hadn't thought my father was here, I wouldn't upon any account haveit is very

provokingmust look so very strange,' murmured Miss Squeers, blushing once more, and glancing, from the

'If that is all you want,' said Nicholas, pointing to the pen, and smiling, in spite of himself, at the affected

Miss Squeers glanced at the door, as if dubious of the propriety of advancing any nearer to an utter stranger;

then round the schoolroom, as though in some measure reassured by the presence of forty boys; and finally

sidled up to Nicholas and delivered the pen into his hand, with a most winning mixture of reserve and

'Shall it be a hard or a soft nib?' inquired Nicholas, smiling to prevent himself from laughing outright.

CHAPTER 9. Of Miss Squeers, Mrs Squeers, Master Squeers, and Mr Squeers; and of various Matters and Persons connected no less with the Squeerses than Nicholas Nickleby 72

'Dear me, I was thinking of something else for the moment, I declare,' replied Miss Squeers. 'Oh! as soft as

possible, if you please.' With which words, Miss Squeers sighed. It might be, to give Nicholas to understand

Upon these instructions Nicholas made the pen; when he gave it to Miss Squeers, Miss Squeers dropped it;

and when he stooped to pick it up, Miss Squeers stopped also, and they knocked their heads together; whereat

fiveandtwenty little boys laughed aloud: being positively for the first and only time that halfyear.

'Very awkward of me,' said Nicholas, opening the door for the young lady's retreat.

'Not at all, sir,' replied Miss Squeers; 'it was my fault. It was all my foolishaagoodmorning!'

'Goodbye,' said Nicholas. 'The next I make for you, I hope will be made less clumsily. Take care! You are

'Really,' said Miss Squeers; 'so embarrassing that I scarcely know what Ivery sorry to give you so much

'Not the least trouble in the world,' replied Nicholas, closing the schoolroom door.

'I never saw such legs in the whole course of my life!' said Miss Squeers, as she walked away.

To account for the rapidity with which this young lady had conceived a passion for Nicholas, it may be

necessary to state, that the friend from whom she had so recently returned, was a miller's daughter of only

eighteen, who had contracted herself unto the son of a small cornfactor, resident in the nearest market town.

Miss Squeers and the miller's daughter, being fast friends, had covenanted together some two years before,

according to a custom prevalent among young ladies, that whoever was first engaged to be married, should

straightway confide the mighty secret to the bosom of the other, before communicating it to any living soul,

and bespeak her as bridesmaid without loss of time; in fulfilment of which pledge the miller's daughter, when

her engagement was formed, came out express, at eleven o'clock at night as the cornfactor's son made an

offer of his hand and heart at twentyfive minutes past ten by the Dutch clock in the kitchen, and rushed into

Miss Squeers's bedroom with the gratifying intelligence. Now, Miss Squeers being five years older, and out

of her teens (which is also a great matter), had, since, been more than commonly anxious to return the

compliment, and possess her friend with a similar secret; but, either in consequence of finding it hard to

please herself, or harder still to please anybody else, had never had an opportunity so to do, inasmuch as she

had no such secret to disclose. The little interview with Nicholas had no sooner passed, as above described,

however, than Miss Squeers, putting on her bonnet, made her way, with great precipitation, to her friend's

house, and, upon a solemn renewal of divers old vows of secrecy, revealed how that she was not exactly

engaged, but going to beto a gentleman's son(none of your cornfactors, but a gentleman's son of high

descent)who had come down as teacher to Dotheboys Hall, under most mysterious and remarkable

circumstancesindeed, as Miss Squeers more than once hinted she had good reason to believe, induced, by

'Isn't it an extraordinary thing?' said Miss Squeers, emphasising the adjective strongly.

CHAPTER 9. Of Miss Squeers, Mrs Squeers, Master Squeers, and Mr Squeers; and of various Matters and Persons connected no less with the Squeerses than Nicholas Nickleby 73

'Don't ask me what he said, my dear,' rejoined Miss Squeers. 'If you had only seen his looks and smiles! I

'Did he look in this way?' inquired the miller's daughter, counterfeiting, as nearly as she could, a favourite

Miss Squeers, having slight misgivings on the subject, was by no means ill pleased to be confirmed by a

competent authority; and discovering, on further conversation and comparison of notes, a great many points

of resemblance between the behaviour of Nicholas, and that of the cornfactor, grew so exceedingly

confidential, that she intrusted her friend with a vast number of things Nicholas had NOT said, which were all

so very complimentary as to be quite conclusive. Then, she dilated on the fearful hardship of having a father

and mother strenuously opposed to her intended husband; on which unhappy circumstance she dwelt at great

length; for the friend's father and mother were quite agreeable to her being married, and the whole courtship

was in consequence as flat and commonplace an affair as it was possible to imagine.

'So you shall, 'Tilda,' replied Miss Squeers. 'I should consider myself one of the most ungrateful creatures

alive, if I denied you. I think mother's going away for two days to fetch some boys; and when she does, I'll

It so fell out, that Mrs Squeers's journey, to some distance, to fetch three new boys, and dun the relations of

two old ones for the balance of a small account, was fixed that very afternoon, for the next day but one; and

on the next day but one, Mrs Squeers got up outside the coach, as it stopped to change at Greta Bridge, taking

with her a small bundle containing something in a bottle, and some sandwiches, and carrying besides a large

Whenever such opportunities as these occurred, it was Squeers's custom to drive over to the market town,

every evening, on pretence of urgent business, and stop till ten or eleven o'clock at a tavern he much affected.

As the party was not in his way, therefore, but rather afforded a means of compromise with Miss Squeers, he

readily yielded his full assent thereunto, and willingly communicated to Nicholas that he was expected to take

To be sure Miss Squeers was in a desperate flutter as the time approached, and to be sure she was dressed out

to the best advantage: with her hairit had more than a tinge of red, and she wore it in a cropcurled in

five distinct rows, up to the very top of her head, and arranged dexterously over the doubtful eye; to say

nothing of the blue sash which floated down her back, or the worked apron or the long gloves, or the green

gauze scarf worn over one shoulder and under the other; or any of the numerous devices which were to be as

so many arrows to the heart of Nicholas. She had scarcely completed these arrangements to her entire

satisfaction, when the friend arrived with a whitybrown parcelflat and three corneredcontaining

sundry small adornments which were to be put on upstairs, and which the friend put on, talking incessantly.

When Miss Squeers had 'done' the friend's hair, the friend 'did' Miss Squeers's hair, throwing in some striking

improvements in the way of ringlets down the neck; and then, when they were both touched up to their entire

CHAPTER 9. Of Miss Squeers, Mrs Squeers, Master Squeers, and Mr Squeers; and of various Matters and Persons connected no less with the Squeerses than Nicholas Nickleby 74

satisfaction, they went downstairs in full state with the long gloves on, all ready for company.

'Only gone home to clean himself,' replied the friend. 'He will be here by the time the tea's drawn.'

'I have not been used to it, you know, 'Tilda,' said Miss Squeers, applying her hand to the left side of her sash.

'You'll soon get the better of it, dear,' rejoined the friend. While they were talking thus, the hungry servant

brought in the tea things, and, soon afterwards, somebody tapped at the room door.

'Goodevening,' said that young gentleman, all unconscious of his conquest. 'I understood from Mr Squeers

'Oh yes; it's all right,' interposed Miss Squeers. 'Father don't tea with us, but you won't mind that, I dare say.'

Nicholas opened his eyes at this, but he turned the matter off very coollynot caring, particularly, about

anything just thenand went through the ceremony of introduction to the miller's daughter with so much

'We are only waiting for one more gentleman,' said Miss Squeers, taking off the teapot lid, and looking in, to

It was matter of equal moment to Nicholas whether they were waiting for one gentleman or twenty, so he

received the intelligence with perfect unconcern; and, being out of spirits, and not seeing any especial reason

why he should make himself agreeable, looked out of the window and sighed involuntarily.

As luck would have it, Miss Squeers's friend was of a playful turn, and hearing Nicholas sigh, she took it into

'But if it's caused by my being here,' said the young lady, 'don't mind me a bit, for I'm quite as bad. You may

''Tilda,' said Miss Squeers, colouring up to the top row of curls, 'I am ashamed of you;' and here the two

friends burst into a variety of giggles, and glanced from time to time, over the tops of their

pockethandkerchiefs, at Nicholas, who from a state of unmixed astonishment, gradually fell into one of

irrepressible laughter occasioned, partly by the bare notion of his being in love with Miss Squeers, and

partly by the preposterous appearance and behaviour of the two girls. These two causes of merriment, taken

together, struck him as being so keenly ridiculous, that, despite his miserable condition, he laughed till he

CHAPTER 9. Of Miss Squeers, Mrs Squeers, Master Squeers, and Mr Squeers; and of various Matters and Persons connected no less with the Squeerses than Nicholas Nickleby 75

'Well,' thought Nicholas, 'as I am here, and seem expected, for some reason or other, to be amiable, it's of no

We blush to tell it; but his youthful spirits and vivacity getting, for the time, the better of his sad thoughts, he

no sooner formed this resolution than he saluted Miss Squeers and the friend with great gallantry, and

drawing a chair to the teatable, began to make himself more at home than in all probability an usher has

The ladies were in the full delight of this altered behaviour on the part of Mr Nickleby, when the expected

swain arrived, with his hair very damp from recent washing, and a clean shirt, whereof the collar might have

belonged to some giant ancestor, forming, together with a white waistcoat of similar dimensions, the chief

'Well, John,' said Miss Matilda Price (which, bythebye, was the name of the miller's daughter).

'I beg your pardon,' interposed Miss Squeers, hastening to do the honours. 'Mr NicklebyMr John Browdie.'

'Servant, sir,' said John, who was something over six feet high, with a face and body rather above the due

'Yours to command, sir,' replied Nicholas, making fearful ravages on the bread and butter.

Mr Browdie was not a gentleman of great conversational powers, so he grinned twice more, and having now

bestowed his customary mark of recognition on every person in company, grinned at nothing in particular,

Mr Browdie gave a grin of special width, as if he thought that really was something to laugh at, and went to

work at the bread and butter with increased vigour. It was quite a sight to behold how he and Nicholas

'Ye wean't get bread and butther ev'ry neight, I expect, mun,' said Mr Browdie, after he had sat staring at

'Ecod,' said Mr Browdie, laughing boisterously, 'they dean't put too much intiv'em. Ye'll be nowt but skeen

'Na; I dean't know,' replied Mr Browdie, 'but t'oother teacher, 'cod he wur a learn 'un, he wur.' The

recollection of the last teacher's leanness seemed to afford Mr Browdie the most exquisite delight, for he

'I don't know whether your perceptions are quite keen enough, Mr Browdie, to enable you to understand that

CHAPTER 9. Of Miss Squeers, Mrs Squeers, Master Squeers, and Mr Squeers; and of various Matters and Persons connected no less with the Squeerses than Nicholas Nickleby 76

your remarks are offensive,' said Nicholas in a towering passion, 'but if they are, have the goodness to'

'If you say another word, John,' shrieked Miss Price, stopping her admirer's mouth as he was about to

'Weel, my lass, I dean't care aboot 'un,' said the cornfactor, bestowing a hearty kiss on Miss Matilda; 'let 'un

It now became Miss Squeers's turn to intercede with Nicholas, which she did with many symptoms of alarm

and horror; the effect of the double intercession was, that he and John Browdie shook hands across the table

with much gravity; and such was the imposing nature of the ceremonial, that Miss Squeers was overcome and

'That's right,' whispered Miss Price, 'say something kind to her, and she'll soon come round. Here! Shall John

'Not on any account,' rejoined Nicholas, quite alarmed at the proposition. 'What on earth should you do that

'Well,' said Miss Price, beckoning him aside, and speaking with some degree of contempt'you ARE a one

'What do you mean?' said Nicholas; 'I am not a one to keep company at allhere at all events. I can't make

'No, nor I neither," rejoined Miss Price; 'but men are always fickle, and always were, and always will be; that

'Fickle!' cried Nicholas; 'what do you suppose? You don't mean to say that you think'

'Oh no, I think nothing at all,' retorted Miss Price, pettishly. 'Look at her, dressed so beautiful and looking so

'My dear girl, what have I got to do with her dressing beautifully or looking well?' inquired Nicholas.

'Come, don't call me a dear girl,' said Miss Pricesmiling a little though, for she was pretty, and a coquette

too in her small way, and Nicholas was goodlooking, and she supposed him the property of somebody else,

which were all reasons why she should be gratified to think she had made an impression on him,'or Fanny

will be saying it's my fault. Come; we're going to have a game at cards.' Pronouncing these last words aloud,

This was wholly unintelligible to Nicholas, who had no other distinct impression on his mind at the moment,

than that Miss Squeers was an ordinarylooking girl, and her friend Miss Price a pretty one; but he had not

CHAPTER 9. Of Miss Squeers, Mrs Squeers, Master Squeers, and Mr Squeers; and of various Matters and Persons connected no less with the Squeerses than Nicholas Nickleby 77

time to enlighten himself by reflection, for the hearth being by this time swept up, and the candle snuffed,

'There are only four of us, 'Tilda,' said Miss Squeers, looking slyly at Nicholas; 'so we had better go partners,

'With all the pleasure in life,' replied Nicholas. And so saying, quite unconscious of his heinous offence, he

amalgamated into one common heap those portions of a Dotheboys Hall card of terms, which represented his

'Mr Browdie,' said Miss Squeers hysterically, 'shall we make a bank against them?'

The Yorkshireman assentedapparently quite overwhelmed by the new usher's impudenceand Miss

''Tilda HAS won something she didn't expect, I think, haven't you, dear?' said Miss Squeers, maliciously.

'Only a dozen and eight, love,' replied Miss Price, affecting to take the question in a literal sense.

'No, indeed,' replied Miss Price, 'I am in excellent spirits. I was thinking YOU seemed out of sorts.'

'Me!' cried Miss Squeers, biting her lips, and trembling with very jealousy. 'Oh no!'

'Never mind me,' tittered Miss Squeers; 'you had better attend to your partner.'

The Yorkshireman flattened his nose, once or twice, with his clenched fist, as if to keep his hand in, till he

had an opportunity of exercising it upon the features of some other gentleman; and Miss Squeers tossed her

head with such indignation, that the gust of wind raised by the multitudinous curls in motion, nearly blew the

'I never had such luck, really,' exclaimed coquettish Miss Price, after another hand or two. 'It's all along of

'Not if your wish is gratified,' replied Nicholas. 'I am sure I shall have a good one in that case.'

CHAPTER 9. Of Miss Squeers, Mrs Squeers, Master Squeers, and Mr Squeers; and of various Matters and Persons connected no less with the Squeerses than Nicholas Nickleby 78

To see how Miss Squeers tossed her head, and the cornfactor flattened his nose, while this conversation was

carrying on! It would have been worth a small annuity to have beheld that; let alone Miss Price's evident joy

at making them jealous, and Nicholas Nickleby's happy unconsciousness of making anybody uncomfortable.

'We have all the talking to ourselves, it seems,' said Nicholas, looking goodhumouredly round the table as

'You do it so well,' tittered Miss Squeers, 'that it would be a pity to interrupt, wouldn't it, Mr Browdie? He!

'Or you can talk to each other, if you don't choose to talk to us,' said Miss Price, rallying her dear friend.

'Weel, then!' said the Yorkshireman, striking the table heavily with his fist, 'what I say's thisDang my

boans and boddy, if I stan' this ony longer. Do ye gang whoam wi' me, and do yon loight an' toight young

'Cum whoam, tell 'e, cum whoam,' replied the Yorkshireman, sternly. And as he delivered the reply, Miss

Squeers burst into a shower of tears; arising in part from desperate vexation, and in part from an impotent

This state of things had been brought about by divers means and workings. Miss Squeers had brought it

about, by aspiring to the high state and condition of being matrimonially engaged, without good grounds for

so doing; Miss Price had brought it about, by indulging in three motives of action: first, a desire to punish her

friend for laying claim to a rivalship in dignity, having no good title: secondly, the gratification of her own

vanity, in receiving the compliments of a smart young man: and thirdly, a wish to convince the cornfactor of

the great danger he ran, in deferring the celebration of their expected nuptials; while Nicholas had brought it

about, by half an hour's gaiety and thoughtlessness, and a very sincere desire to avoid the imputation of

inclining at all to Miss Squeers. So the means employed, and the end produced, were alike the most natural in

the world; for young ladies will look forward to being married, and will jostle each other in the race to the

altar, and will avail themselves of all opportunities of displaying their own attractions to the best advantage,

'Why, and here's Fanny in tears now!' exclaimed Miss Price, as if in fresh amazement. 'What can be the

'Oh! you don't know, miss, of course you don't know. Pray don't trouble yourself to inquire,' said Miss

Squeers, producing that change of countenance which children call making a face.

CHAPTER 9. Of Miss Squeers, Mrs Squeers, Master Squeers, and Mr Squeers; and of various Matters and Persons connected no less with the Squeerses than Nicholas Nickleby 79

'And who cares whether you are sure or not, ma'am?' retorted Miss Squeers, making another face.

'I shall not come to you to take lessons in the art, ma'am!' retorted Miss Squeers.

'You needn't take the trouble to make yourself plainer than you are, ma'am, however,' rejoined Miss Price,

Miss Squeers, in reply, turned very red, and thanked God that she hadn't got the bold faces of some people.

Miss Price, in rejoinder, congratulated herself upon not being possessed of the envious feeling of other

people; whereupon Miss Squeers made some general remark touching the danger of associating with low

persons; in which Miss Price entirely coincided: observing that it was very true indeed, and she had thought

'Ah! There's no love lost between us, I assure you,' said Miss Price, tying her bonnet strings with a jerk.

'You pay me a great compliment when you say so,' answered the miller's daughter, curtseying very low.

With this parting benediction, Miss Price swept from the room, followed by the huge Yorkshireman, who

exchanged with Nicholas, at parting, that peculiarly expressive scowl with which the cutand thrust counts,

They were no sooner gone, than Miss Squeers fulfilled the prediction of her quondam friend by giving vent to

a most copious burst of tears, and uttering various dismal lamentations and incoherent words. Nicholas stood

looking on for a few seconds, rather doubtful what to do, but feeling uncertain whether the fit would end in

his being embraced, or scratched, and considering that either infliction would be equally agreeable, he walked

'This is one consequence,' thought Nicholas, when he had groped his way to the dark sleepingroom, 'of my

cursed readiness to adapt myself to any society in which chance carries me. If I had sat mute and motionless,

'I was glad,' he murmured, 'to grasp at any relief from the sight of this dreadful place, or the presence of its

vile master. I have set these people by the ears, and made two new enemies, where, Heaven knows, I needed

none. Well, it is a just punishment for having forgotten, even for an hour, what is around me now!'

So saying, he felt his way among the throng of wearyhearted sleepers, and crept into his poor bed.

CHAPTER 9. Of Miss Squeers, Mrs Squeers, Master Squeers, and Mr Squeers; and of various Matters and Persons connected no less with the Squeerses than Nicholas Nickleby 80

On the second morning after the departure of Nicholas for Yorkshire, Kate Nickleby sat in a very faded chair

raised upon a very dusty throne in Miss La Creevy's room, giving that lady a sitting for the portrait upon

which she was engaged; and towards the full perfection of which, Miss La Creevy had had the streetdoor

case brought upstairs, in order that she might be the better able to infuse into the counterfeit countenance of

Miss Nickleby, a bright salmon flesh tint which she had originally hit upon while executing the miniature of

a young officer therein contained, and which bright salmon flesh tint was considered, by Miss La Creevy's

'I think I have caught it now,' said Miss La Creevy. 'The very shade! This will be the sweetest portrait I have

'It will be your genius that makes it so, then, I am sure,' replied Kate, smiling.

'No, no, I won't allow that, my dear,' rejoined Miss La Creevy. 'It's a very nice subjecta very nice subject,

'Why, my dear, you are right there,' said Miss La Creevy, 'in the main you are right there; though I don't allow

that it is of such very great importance in the present case. Ah! The difficulties of Art, my dear, are great.'

'They must be, I have no doubt,' said Kate, humouring her good natured little friend.

'They are beyond anything you can form the faintest conception of,' replied Miss La Creevy. 'What with

bringing out eyes with all one's power, and keeping down noses with all one's force, and adding to heads, and

taking away teeth altogether, you have no idea of the trouble one little miniature is.'

'Why, it does not, and that's the truth,' answered Miss La Creevy; 'and then people are so dissatisfied and

unreasonable, that, nine times out of ten, there's no pleasure in painting them. Sometimes they say, "Oh, how

very serious you have made me look, Miss La Creevy!" and at others, "La, Miss La Creevy, how very

smirking!" when the very essence of a good portrait is, that it must be either serious or smirking, or it's no

'Certainly, my dear; because the sitters are always either the one or the other,' replied Miss La Creevy. 'Look

at the Royal Academy! All those beautiful shiny portraits of gentlemen in black velvet waistcoats, with their

fists doubled up on round tables, or marble slabs, are serious, you know; and all the ladies who are playing

with little parasols, or little dogs, or little childrenit's the same rule in art, only varying the objectsare

smirking. In fact,' said Miss La Creevy, sinking her voice to a confidential whisper, 'there are only two styles

of portrait painting; the serious and the smirk; and we always use the serious for professional people (except

actors sometimes), and the smirk for private ladies and gentlemen who don't care so much about looking

Kate seemed highly amused by this information, and Miss La Creevy went on painting and talking, with

'What a number of officers you seem to paint!' said Kate, availing herself of a pause in the discourse, and

'Number of what, child?' inquired Miss La Creevy, looking up from her work. 'Character portraits, oh

'Bless your heart, of course not; only clerks and that, who hire a uniform coat to be painted in, and send it

here in a carpet bag. Some artists,' said Miss La Creevy, 'keep a red coat, and charge sevenandsixpence

extra for hire and carmine; but I don't do that myself, for I don't consider it legitimate.'

Drawing herself up, as though she plumed herself greatly upon not resorting to these lures to catch sitters,

Miss La Creevy applied herself, more intently, to her task: only raising her head occasionally, to look with

unspeakable satisfaction at some touch she had just put in: and now and then giving Miss Nickleby to

understand what particular feature she was at work upon, at the moment; 'not,' she expressly observed, 'that

you should make it up for painting, my dear, but because it's our custom sometimes to tell sitters what part we

are upon, in order that if there's any particular expression they want introduced, they may throw it in, at the

'And when,' said Miss La Creevy, after a long silence, to wit, an interval of full a minute and a half, 'when do

'I scarcely know; I had expected to have seen him before now,' replied Kate. 'Soon I hope, for this state of

'He is very rich, I have heard,' rejoined Kate. 'I don't know that he is, but I believe so.'

'Ah, you may depend upon it he is, or he wouldn't be so surly,' remarked Miss La Creevy, who was an odd

little mixture of shrewdness and simplicity. 'When a man's a bear, he is generally pretty independent.'

'Rough!' cried Miss La Creevy, 'a porcupine's a featherbed to him! I never met with such a crossgrained old

'It is only his manner, I believe,' observed Kate, timidly; 'he was disappointed in early life, I think I have

heard, or has had his temper soured by some calamity. I should be sorry to think ill of him until I knew he

'Well; that's very right and proper,' observed the miniature painter, 'and Heaven forbid that I should be the

cause of your doing so! But, now, mightn't he, without feeling it himself, make you and your mama some

nice little allowance that would keep you both comfortable until you were well married, and be a little fortune

'I don't know what it would be to him,' said Kate, with energy, 'but it would be that to me I would rather die

'A dependence upon him,' said Kate, 'would embitter my whole life. I should feel begging a far less

'Well!' exclaimed Miss La Creevy. 'This of a relation whom you will not hear an indifferent person speak ill

'I dare say it does,' replied Kate, speaking more gently, 'indeed I am sure it must. IIonly mean that with

the feelings and recollection of better times upon me, I could not bear to live on anybody's bountynot his

Miss La Creevy looked slyly at her companion, as if she doubted whether Ralph himself were not the subject

'I only ask of him,' continued Kate, whose tears fell while she spoke, 'that he will move so little out of his

way, in my behalf, as to enable me by his recommendationonly by his recommendationto earn, literally,

my bread and remain with my mother. Whether we shall ever taste happiness again, depends upon the

fortunes of my dear brother; but if he will do this, and Nicholas only tells us that he is well and cheerful, I

As she ceased to speak, there was a rustling behind the screen which stood between her and the door, and

The person complied, and, coming forward at once, gave to view the form and features of no less an

'Your servant, ladies,' said Ralph, looking sharply at them by turns. 'You were talking so loud, that I was

When the man of business had a more than commonly vicious snarl lurking at his heart, he had a trick of

almost concealing his eyes under their thick and protruding brows, for an instant, and then displaying them in

their full keenness. As he did so now, and tried to keep down the smile which parted his thin compressed lips,

and puckered up the bad lines about his mouth, they both felt certain that some part, if not the whole, of their

'I called in, on my way upstairs, more than half expecting to find you here,' said Ralph, addressing his niece,

and looking contemptuously at the portrait. 'Is that my niece's portrait, ma'am?'

'Yes it is, Mr Nickleby,' said Miss La Creevy, with a very sprightly air, 'and between you and me and the

post, sir, it will be a very nice portrait too, though I say it who am the painter.'

'Don't trouble yourself to show it to me, ma'am,' cried Ralph, moving away, 'I have no eye for likenesses. Is it

'Why, yes,' replied Miss La Creevy, considering with the pencil end of her brush in her mouth. 'Two sittings

'Have them at once, ma'am,' said Ralph. 'She'll have no time to idle over fooleries after tomorrow. Work,

'Put it up at once, ma'am; they won't want the rooms after this week, or if they do, can't pay for them. Now,

With an assumption of kindness which sat worse upon him even than his usual manner, Mr Ralph Nickleby

motioned to the young lady to precede him, and bowing gravely to Miss La Creevy, closed the door and

followed upstairs, where Mrs Nickleby received him with many expressions of regard. Stopping them

somewhat abruptly, Ralph waved his hand with an impatient gesture, and proceeded to the object of his visit.

'Well,' replied Mrs Nickleby. 'Now, I will say that that is only just what I have expected of you. "Depend

upon it," I said to Kate, only yesterday morning at breakfast, "that after your uncle has provided, in that most

ready manner, for Nicholas, he will not leave us until he has done at least the same for you." These were my

'Let me proceed, ma'am, pray,' said Ralph, interrupting his sister inlaw in the full torrent of her discourse.

'Well, my dear, if you are anxious that he should, you had better allow your uncle to say what he has to say,

without interruption,' observed Mrs Nickleby, with many small nods and frowns. 'Your uncle's time is very

valuable, my dear; and however desirous you may beand naturally desirous, as I am sure any affectionate

relations who have seen so little of your uncle as we have, must naturally be to protract the pleasure of having

him among us, still, we are bound not to be selfish, but to take into consideration the important nature of his

'I am very much obliged to you, ma'am,' said Ralph with a scarcely perceptible sneer. 'An absence of business

habits in this family leads, apparently, to a great waste of words before businesswhen it does come under

'My poor brother, ma'am,' interposed Ralph tartly, 'had no idea what business waswas unacquainted, I

'I fear he was,' said Mrs Nickleby, with her handkerchief to her eyes. 'If it hadn't been for me, I don't know

What strange creatures we are! The slight bait so skilfully thrown out by Ralph, on their first interview, was

dangling on the hook yet. At every small deprivation or discomfort which presented itself in the course of the

fourandtwenty hours to remind her of her straitened and altered circumstances, peevish visions of her

dower of one thousand pounds had arisen before Mrs Nickleby's mind, until, at last, she had come to

persuade herself that of all her late husband's creditors she was the worst used and the most to be pitied. And

yet, she had loved him dearly for many years, and had no greater share of selfishness than is the usual lot of

mortals. Such is the irritability of sudden poverty. A decent annuity would have restored her thoughts to their

'Repining is of no use, ma'am,' said Ralph. 'Of all fruitless errands, sending a tear to look after a day that is

'As you feel so keenly, in your own purse and person, the consequences of inattention to business, ma'am,'

said Ralph, 'I am sure you will impress upon your children the necessity of attaching themselves to it early in

'Of course I must see that,' rejoined Mrs Nickleby. 'Sad experience, you know, brotherinlaw.Kate, my

dear, put that down in the next letter to Nicholas, or remind me to do it if I write.'

Ralph paused for a few moments, and seeing that he had now made pretty sure of the mother, in case the

'The situation that I have made interest to procure, ma'am, is with with a milliner and dressmaker, in short.'

'A milliner and dressmaker, ma'am,' replied Ralph. 'Dressmakers in London, as I need not remind you,

ma'am, who are so well acquainted with all matters in the ordinary routine of life, make large fortunes, keep

Now, the first idea called up in Mrs Nickleby's mind by the words milliner and dressmaker were connected

with certain wicker baskets lined with black oilskin, which she remembered to have seen carried to and fro in

the streets; but, as Ralph proceeded, these disappeared, and were replaced by visions of large houses at the

West end, neat private carriages, and a banker's book; all of which images succeeded each other with such

rapidity, that he had no sooner finished speaking, than she nodded her head and said 'Very true,' with great

'What your uncle says is very true, Kate, my dear,' said Mrs Nickleby. 'I recollect when your poor papa and I

came to town after we were married, that a young lady brought me home a chip cottage bonnet, with white

and green trimming, and green persian lining, in her own carriage, which drove up to the door full

gallop;at least, I am not quite certain whether it was her own carriage or a hackney chariot, but I remember

very well that the horse dropped down dead as he was turning round, and that your poor papa said he hadn't

This anecdote, so strikingly illustrative of the opulence of milliners, was not received with any great

demonstration of feeling, inasmuch as Kate hung down her head while it was relating, and Ralph manifested

'The lady's name,' said Ralph, hastily striking in, 'is Mantalini Madame Mantalini. I know her. She lives

near Cavendish Square. If your daughter is disposed to try after the situation, I'll take her there directly.'

'A great deal,' replied Kate; 'but not now. I would rather speak to him when we are alone;it will save his

With these words, Kate hurried away, to hide the traces of emotion that were stealing down her face, and to

prepare herself for the walk, while Mrs Nickleby amused her brotherinlaw by giving him, with many tears,

a detailed account of the dimensions of a rosewood cabinet piano they had possessed in their days of

affluence, together with a minute description of eight drawingroom chairs, with turned legs and green chintz

squabs to match the curtains, which had cost two pounds fifteen shillings apiece, and had gone at the sale for

These reminiscences were at length cut short by Kate's return in her walking dress, when Ralph, who had

been fretting and fuming during the whole time of her absence, lost no time, and used very little ceremony, in

'Now,' he said, taking her arm, 'walk as fast as you can, and you'll get into the step that you'll have to walk to

business with, every morning.' So saying, he led Kate off, at a good round pace, towards Cavendish Square.

'I am very much obliged to you, uncle,' said the young lady, after they had hurried on in silence for some

'It is,' replied Ralph, stopping her short, 'and very affected besides. Let me see no more of it.'

Perhaps this was not the best way to dry the tears of a young and sensitive female, about to make her first

entry on an entirely new scene of life, among cold and uninterested strangers; but it had its effect

notwithstanding. Kate coloured deeply, breathed quickly for a few moments, and then walked on with a

It was a curious contrast to see how the timid country girl shrunk through the crowd that hurried up and down

the streets, giving way to the press of people, and clinging closely to Ralph as though she feared to lose him

in the throng; and how the stern and hard featured man of business went doggedly on, elbowing the

passengers aside, and now and then exchanging a gruff salutation with some passing acquaintance, who

turned to look back upon his pretty charge, with looks expressive of surprise, and seemed to wonder at the

illassorted companionship. But, it would have been a stranger contrast still, to have read the hearts that were

beating side by side; to have laid bare the gentle innocence of the one, and the rugged villainy of the other; to

have hung upon the guileless thoughts of the affectionate girl, and been amazed that, among all the wily plots

and calculations of the old man, there should not be one word or figure denoting thought of death or of the

grave. But so it was; and stranger stillthough this is a thing of every day the warm young heart

palpitated with a thousand anxieties and apprehensions, while that of the old worldly man lay rusting in its

cell, beating only as a piece of cunning mechanism, and yielding no one throb of hope, or fear, or love, or

'Uncle,' said Kate, when she judged they must be near their destination, 'I must ask one question of you. I am

'You will live, to all intents and purposes, here,' rejoined Ralph; 'for here you will take your meals, and here

'But at night, I mean,' said Kate; 'I cannot leave her, uncle. I must have some place that I can call a home; it

'May be!' said Ralph, walking faster, in the impatience provoked by the remark; 'must be, you mean. May be

'Why, I anticipated something of the kind,' said Ralph; 'andthough I object very strongly, mindhave

provided against it. I spoke of you as an outofdoor worker; so you will go to this home that may be

There was comfort in this. Kate poured forth many thanks for her uncle's consideration, which Ralph received

as if he had deserved them all, and they arrived without any further conversation at the dressmaker's door,

which displayed a very large plate, with Madame Mantalini's name and occupation, and was approached by a

handsome flight of steps. There was a shop to the house, but it was let off to an importer of otto of roses.

Madame Mantalini's showsrooms were on the firstfloor: a fact which was notified to the nobility and

gentry by the casual exhibition, near the handsomely curtained windows, of two or three elegant bonnets of

A liveried footman opened the door, and in reply to Ralph's inquiry whether Madame Mantalini was at home,

ushered them, through a handsome hall and up a spacious staircase, into the show saloon, which comprised

two spacious drawingrooms, and exhibited an immense variety of superb dresses and materials for dresses:

some arranged on stands, others laid carelessly on sofas, and others again, scattered over the carpet, hanging

on the chevalglasses, or mingling, in some other way, with the rich furniture of various descriptions, which

They waited here a much longer time than was agreeable to Mr Ralph Nickleby, who eyed the gaudy frippery

about him with very little concern, and was at length about to pull the bell, when a gentleman suddenly

popped his head into the room, and, seeing somebody there, as suddenly popped it out again.

At the sound of Ralph's voice, the head reappeared, and the mouth, displaying a very long row of very white

teeth, uttered in a mincing tone the words, 'Demmit. What, Nickleby! oh, demmit!' Having uttered which

ejaculations, the gentleman advanced, and shook hands with Ralph, with great warmth. He was dressed in a

gorgeous morning gown, with a waistcoat and Turkish trousers of the same pattern, a pink silk neckerchief,

and bright green slippers, and had a very copious watchchain wound round his body. Moreover, he had

'Demmit, you don't mean to say you want me, do you, demmit?' said this gentleman, smiting Ralph on the

'Ha! ha! demmit,' cried the gentleman; when, wheeling round to laugh with greater elegance, he encountered

'I remember,' said the gentleman, striking his nose with the knuckle of his forefinger as a chastening for his

forgetfulness. 'Demmit, I remember what you come for. Step this way, Nickleby; my dear, will you follow

Giving loose to the playfulness of his imagination, after this fashion, the gentleman led the way to a private

sittingroom on the second floor, scarcely less elegantly furnished than the apartment below, where the

presence of a silver coffeepot, an eggshell, and sloppy china for one, seemed to show that he had just

'Sit down, my dear,' said the gentleman: first staring Miss Nickleby out of countenance, and then grinning in

delight at the achievement. 'This cursed high room takes one's breath away. These infernal sky parloursI'm

'What a demd rum fellow you are, Nickleby,' said the gentleman, 'the demdest, longestheaded,

Having complimented Ralph to this effect, the gentleman rang the bell, and stared at Miss Nickleby until it

was answered, when he left off to bid the man desire his mistress to come directly; after which, he began

The dressmaker was a buxom person, handsomely dressed and rather goodlooking, but much older than the

gentleman in the Turkish trousers, whom she had wedded some six months before. His name was originally

Muntle; but it had been converted, by an easy transition, into Mantalini: the lady rightly considering that an

English appellation would be of serious injury to the business. He had married on his whiskers; upon which

property he had previously subsisted, in a genteel manner, for some years; and which he had recently

improved, after patient cultivation by the addition of a moustache, which promised to secure him an easy

independence: his share in the labours of the business being at present confined to spending the money, and

occasionally, when that ran short, driving to Mr Ralph Nickleby to procure discountat a percentagefor

'Then what a doubly demd infernal rascal that footman must be, my soul,' remonstrated Mr Mantalini.

'Certainly,' returned the lady; 'what can you expect, dearest, if you will not correct the man?'

'Then do not vex itself,' said Mr Mantalini; 'he shall be horse whipped till he cries out demnebly.' With this

promise Mr Mantalini kissed Madame Mantalini, and, after that performance, Madame Mantalini pulled Mr

'Now, ma'am,' said Ralph, who had looked on, at all this, with such scorn as few men can express in looks,

'Just so, Mr Nickleby,' replied Madame Mantalini, surveying Kate from head to foot, and back again. 'Can

'Yes, ma'am,' replied Kate, not daring to look up; for she felt that the eyes of the odious man in the

Miss Nickleby offered no reply to this inquiry, but turned her back upon the questioner, as if addressing

'We keep twenty young women constantly employed in the establishment,' said Madame.

'Not for twenty thousand hemispheres populated withwithwith little balletdancers,' replied Mantalini in

'Then you will, if you persevere in that mode of speaking,' said his wife. 'What can Mr Nickleby think when

'Oh! Nothing, ma'am, nothing,' replied Ralph. 'I know his amiable nature, and yours,mere little remarks

that give a zest to your daily intercourselovers' quarrels that add sweetness to those domestic joys which

If an iron door could be supposed to quarrel with its hinges, and to make a firm resolution to open with slow

obstinacy, and grind them to powder in the process, it would emit a pleasanter sound in so doing, than did

these words in the rough and bitter voice in which they were uttered by Ralph. Even Mr Mantalini felt their

influence, and turning affrighted round, exclaimed: 'What a demd horrid croaking!'

'You will pay no attention, if you please, to what Mr Mantalini says,' observed his wife, addressing Miss

'Mr Mantalini knows nothing whatever about any of the young women,' continued Madame, looking at her

husband, and speaking to Kate. 'If he has seen any of them, he must have seen them in the street, going to, or

returning from, their work, and not here. He was never even in the room. I do not allow it. What hours of

'I have never yet been accustomed to work at all, ma'am,' replied Kate, in a low voice.

'For which reason she'll work all the better now,' said Ralph, putting in a word, lest this confession should

'I hope so,' returned Madame Mantalini; 'our hours are from nine to nine, with extra work when we're very

'Your meals,' continued Madame Mantalini, 'that is, dinner and tea, you will take here. I should think your

wages would average from five to seven shillings a week; but I can't give you any certain information on that

'If you're ready to come,' said Madame Mantalini, 'you had better begin on Monday morning at nine exactly,

and Miss Knag the forewoman shall then have directions to try you with some easy work at first. Is there

'Then I believe that's all,' said the lady. Having arrived at this natural conclusion, she looked at the door, as if

she wished to be gone, but hesitated notwithstanding, as though unwilling to leave to Mr Mantalini the sole

honour of showing them downstairs. Ralph relieved her from her perplexity by taking his departure without

delay: Madame Mantalini making many gracious inquiries why he never came to see them; and Mr Mantalini

anathematising the stairs with great volubility as he followed them down, in the hope of inducing Kate to

'I had some idea,' he said, 'of providing for your mother in a pleasant part of the country(he had a

presentation to some almshouses on the borders of Cornwall, which had occurred to him more than

once)but as you want to be together, I must do something else for her. She has a little money?'

'A little will go a long way if it's used sparingly,' said Ralph. 'She must see how long she can make it last,

'Yes; there is a house empty that belongs to me, which I can put you into till it is let, and then, if nothing else

'Pretty well,' said Ralph; 'in another quarter of the townat the East end; but I'll send my clerk down to you,

at five o'clock on Saturday, to take you there. Goodbye. You know your way? Straight on.'

Coldly shaking his niece's hand, Ralph left her at the top of Regent Street, and turned down a

bythoroughfare, intent on schemes of moneygetting. Kate walked sadly back to their lodgings in the

Miss Nickleby's reflections, as she wended her way homewards, were of that desponding nature which the

occurrences of the morning had been sufficiently calculated to awaken. Her uncle's was not a manner likely

to dispel any doubts or apprehensions she might have formed, in the outset, neither was the glimpse she had

had of Madame Mantalini's establishment by any means encouraging. It was with many gloomy forebodings

and misgivings, therefore, that she looked forward, with a heavy heart, to the opening of her new career.

If her mother's consolations could have restored her to a pleasanter and more enviable state of mind, there

were abundance of them to produce the effect. By the time Kate reached home, the good lady had called to

mind two authentic cases of milliners who had been possessed of considerable property, though whether they

had acquired it all in business, or had had a capital to start with, or had been lucky and married to advantage,

she could not exactly remember. However, as she very logically remarked, there must have been SOME

young person in that way of business who had made a fortune without having anything to begin with, and that

being taken for granted, why should not Kate do the same? Miss La Creevy, who was a member of the little

council, ventured to insinuate some doubts relative to the probability of Miss Nickleby's arriving at this

happy consummation in the compass of an ordinary lifetime; but the good lady set that question entirely at

rest, by informing them that she had a presentiment on the subjecta species of secondsight with which she

had been in the habit of clenching every argument with the deceased Mr Nickleby, and, in nine cases and

'I am afraid it is an unhealthy occupation,' said Miss La Creevy. 'I recollect getting three young milliners to sit

to me, when I first began to paint, and I remember that they were all very pale and sickly.'

'Oh! that's not a general rule by any means,' observed Mrs Nickleby; 'for I remember, as well as if it was only

yesterday, employing one that I was particularly recommended to, to make me a scarlet cloak at the time

when scarlet cloaks were fashionable, and she had a very red facea very red face, indeed.'

'I don't know how that may have been,' returned Mrs Nickleby: 'but I know she had a very red face, so your

In this manner, and with like powerful reasoning, did the worthy matron meet every little objection that

presented itself to the new scheme of the morning. Happy Mrs Nickleby! A project had but to be new, and it

CHAPTER 11. Newman Noggs inducts Mrs and Miss Nickleby into their New Dwelling in the City 91

This question disposed of, Kate communicated her uncle's desire about the empty house, to which Mrs

Nickleby assented with equal readiness, characteristically remarking, that, on the fine evenings, it would be a

pleasant amusement for her to walk to the West end to fetch her daughter home; and no less characteristically

forgetting, that there were such things as wet nights and bad weather to be encountered in almost every week

'I shall be sorrytruly sorry to leave you, my kind friend,' said Kate, on whom the good feeling of the poor

'You shall not shake me off, for all that,' replied Miss La Creevy, with as much sprightliness as she could

assume. 'I shall see you very often, and come and hear how you get on; and if, in all London, or all the wide

world besides, there is no other heart that takes an interest in your welfare, there will be one little lonely

With this, the poor soul, who had a heart big enough for Gog, the guardian genius of London, and enough to

spare for Magog to boot, after making a great many extraordinary faces which would have secured her an

ample fortune, could she have transferred them to ivory or canvas, sat down in a corner, and had what she

But no crying, or talking, or hoping, or fearing, could keep off the dreaded Saturday afternoon, or Newman

Noggs either; who, punctual to his time, limped up to the door, and breathed a whiff of cordial gin through

the keyhole, exactly as such of the church clocks in the neighbourhood as agreed among themselves about the

'From Mr Ralph Nickleby,' said Newman, announcing his errand, when he got upstairs, with all possible

'We shall be ready directly,' said Kate. 'We have not much to carry, but I fear we must have a coach.'

'No; I thought of it as I came along; but didn't get one, thinking you mightn't be ready. I think of a great many

'Oh yes, I understand you, Mr Noggs,' said Mrs Nickleby. 'Our thoughts are free, of course. Everybody's

'Well, no more they would, Mr Noggs, and that's very true,' rejoined Mrs Nickleby. 'Some people to be sure

CHAPTER 11. Newman Noggs inducts Mrs and Miss Nickleby into their New Dwelling in the City 92

Newman darted a meaning glance at Kate, and replied with a strong emphasis on the last word of his answer,

It was no very easy matter to mistake Newman Noggs, after having once seen him, and as Kate, attracted by

the singularity of his manner (in which on this occasion, however, there was something respectful and even

delicate, notwithstanding the abruptness of his speech), looked at him more closely, she recollected having

'Excuse my curiosity,' she said, 'but did I not see you in the coachyard, on the morning my brother went away

'You'd have said wrong,' rejoined Newman. 'It's the first time I've been out for three weeks. I've had the gout.'

Newman was very, very far from having the appearance of a gouty subject, and so Kate could not help

thinking; but the conference was cut short by Mrs Nickleby's insisting on having the door shut, lest Mr Noggs

should take cold, and further persisting in sending the servant girl for a coach, for fear he should bring on

another attack of his disorder. To both conditions, Newman was compelled to yield. Presently, the coach

came; and, after many sorrowful farewells, and a great deal of running backwards and forwards across the

pavement on the part of Miss La Creevy, in the course of which the yellow turban came into violent contact

with sundry footpassengers, it (that is to say the coach, not the turban) went away again, with the two ladies

and their luggage inside; and Newman, despite all Mrs Nickleby's assurances that it would be his deathon

They went into the city, turning down by the river side; and, after a long and very slow drive, the streets

being crowded at that hour with vehicles of every kind, stopped in front of a large old dingy house in Thames

Street: the door and windows of which were so bespattered with mud, that it would have appeared to have

The door of this deserted mansion Newman opened with a key which he took out of his hatin which,

bythebye, in consequence of the dilapidated state of his pockets, he deposited everything, and would most

likely have carried his money if he had had anyand the coach being discharged, he led the way into the

Old, and gloomy, and black, in truth it was, and sullen and dark were the rooms, once so bustling with life

and enterprise. There was a wharf behind, opening on the Thames. An empty dogkennel, some bones of

animals, fragments of iron hoops, and staves of old casks, lay strewn about, but no life was stirring there. It

'This house depresses and chills one,' said Kate, 'and seems as if some blight had fallen on it. If I were

superstitious, I should be almost inclined to believe that some dreadful crime had been perpetrated within

these old walls, and that the place had never prospered since. How frowning and how dark it looks!'

'Lord, my dear,' replied Mrs Nickleby, 'don't talk in that way, or you'll frighten me to death.'

CHAPTER 11. Newman Noggs inducts Mrs and Miss Nickleby into their New Dwelling in the City 93

'Well, then, my love, I wish you would keep your foolish fancy to yourself, and not wake up MY foolish

fancy to keep it company,' retorted Mrs Nickleby. 'Why didn't you think of all this before you are so

carelesswe might have asked Miss La Creevy to keep us company or borrowed a dog, or a thousand

thingsbut it always was the way, and was just the same with your poor dear father. Unless I thought of

everything' This was Mrs Nickleby's usual commencement of a general lamentation, running through a

dozen or so of complicated sentences addressed to nobody in particular, and into which she now launched

Newman appeared not to hear these remarks, but preceded them to a couple of rooms on the first floor, which

some kind of attempt had been made to render habitable. In one, were a few chairs, a table, an old

hearthrug, and some faded baize; and a fire was ready laid in the grate. In the other stood an old tent

'Well, my dear,' said Mrs Nickleby, trying to be pleased, 'now isn't this thoughtful and considerate of your

uncle? Why, we should not have had anything but the bed we bought yesterday, to lie down upon, if it hadn't

Newman Noggs did not say that he had hunted up the old furniture they saw, from attic and cellar; or that he

had taken in the halfpennyworth of milk for tea that stood upon a shelf, or filled the rusty kettle on the hob, or

collected the woodchips from the wharf, or begged the coals. But the notion of Ralph Nickleby having

directed it to be done, tickled his fancy so much, that he could not refrain from cracking all his ten fingers in

succession: at which performance Mrs Nickleby was rather startled at first, but supposing it to be in some

'Perhaps, my dear, Mr Noggs would like to drink our healths,' said Mrs Nickleby, fumbling in her reticule for

'I think, mama,' said Kate hesitating, and remarking Newman's averted face, 'you would hurt his feelings if

Newman Noggs, bowing to the young lady more like a gentleman than the miserable wretch he seemed,

placed his hand upon his breast, and, pausing for a moment, with the air of a man who struggles to speak but

As the jarring echoes of the heavy housedoor, closing on its latch, reverberated dismally through the

building, Kate felt half tempted to call him back, and beg him to remain a little while; but she was ashamed to

CHAPTER 11. Newman Noggs inducts Mrs and Miss Nickleby into their New Dwelling in the City 94

It was a fortunate circumstance for Miss Fanny Squeers, that when her worthy papa returned home on the

night of the small teaparty, he was what the initiated term 'too far gone' to observe the numerous tokens of

extreme vexation of spirit which were plainly visible in her countenance. Being, however, of a rather violent

and quarrelsome mood in his cups, it is not impossible that he might have fallen out with her, either on this or

some imaginary topic, if the young lady had not, with a foresight and prudence highly commendable, kept a

boy up, on purpose, to bear the first brunt of the good gentleman's anger; which, having vented itself in a

variety of kicks and cuffs, subsided sufficiently to admit of his being persuaded to go to bed. Which he did

The hungry servant attended Miss Squeers in her own room according to custom, to curl her hair, perform the

other little offices of her toilet, and administer as much flattery as she could get up, for the purpose; for Miss

Squeers was quite lazy enough (and sufficiently vain and frivolous withal) to have been a fine lady; and it

was only the arbitrary distinctions of rank and station which prevented her from being one.

'How lovely your hair do curl tonight, miss!' said the handmaiden. 'I declare if it isn't a pity and a shame to

Some considerable experience prevented the girl from being at all surprised at any outbreak of illtemper on

the part of Miss Squeers. Having a halfperception of what had occurred in the course of the evening, she

changed her mode of making herself agreeable, and proceeded on the indirect tack.

'Well, I couldn't help saying, miss, if you was to kill me for it,' said the attendant, 'that I never see nobody

'I know it's very wrong in me to say so, miss,' continued the girl, delighted to see the impression she was

making, 'Miss Price being a friend of your'n, and all; but she do dress herself out so, and go on in such a

'What do you mean, Phib?' asked Miss Squeers, looking in her own little glass, where, like most of us, she

sawnot herself, but the reflection of some pleasant image in her own brain. 'How you talk!'

'Talk, miss! It's enough to make a Tom cat talk French grammar, only to see how she tosses her head,' replied

'And always laying herself out so, to get to be admired,' pursued the servant. 'Oh, dear! It's positive

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'I can't allow you to talk in that way, Phib,' said Miss Squeers. ''Tilda's friends are low people, and if she don't

'Well, but you know, miss,' said Phoebe, for which name 'Phib' was used as a patronising abbreviation, 'if she

was only to take copy by a friendoh! if she only knew how wrong she was, and would but set herself right

'Phib,' rejoined Miss Squeers, with a stately air, 'it's not proper for me to hear these comparisons drawn; they

make 'Tilda look a coarse improper sort of person, and it seems unfriendly in me to listen to them. I would

rather you dropped the subject, Phib; at the same time, I must say, that if 'Tilda Price would take pattern by

'Well, me, Phib, if you will have it so,' said Miss Squeers. 'I must say, that if she would, she would be all the

'Phib,' said Miss Squeers dramatically, 'I insist upon your explaining yourself. What is this dark mystery?

'Why, if you will have it, miss, it's this,' said the servant girl. 'Mr John Browdie thinks as you think; and if he

wasn't too far gone to do it creditable, he'd be very glad to be off with Miss Price, and on with Miss Squeers.'

'Gracious heavens!' exclaimed Miss Squeers, clasping her hands with great dignity. 'What is this?'

'What a situation!' cried Miss Squeers; 'on the brink of unconsciously destroying the peace and happiness of

my own 'Tilda. What is the reason that men fall in love with me, whether I like it or not, and desert their

'Because they can't help it, miss,' replied the girl; 'the reason's plain.' (If Miss Squeers were the reason, it was

'Never let me hear of it again,' retorted Miss Squeers. 'Never! Do you hear? 'Tilda Price has faultsmany

faultsbut I wish her well, and above all I wish her married; for I think it highly desirablemost desirable

from the very nature of her failingsthat she should be married as soon as possible. No, Phib. Let her have

Mr Browdie. I may pity HIM, poor fellow; but I have a great regard for 'Tilda, and only hope she may make a

Spite is a little word; but it represents as strange a jumble of feelings, and compound of discords, as any

polysyllable in the language. Miss Squeers knew as well in her heart of hearts that what the miserable

servinggirl had said was sheer, coarse, lying flattery, as did the girl herself; yet the mere opportunity of

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venting a little illnature against the offending Miss Price, and affecting to compassionate her weaknesses

and foibles, though only in the presence of a solitary dependant, was almost as great a relief to her spleen as if

the whole had been gospel truth. Nay, more. We have such extraordinary powers of persuasion when they are

exerted over ourselves, that Miss Squeers felt quite highminded and great after her noble renunciation of

John Browdie's hand, and looked down upon her rival with a kind of holy calmness and tranquillity, that had

This happy state of mind had some influence in bringing about a reconciliation; for, when a knock came at

the frontdoor next day, and the miller's daughter was announced, Miss Squeers betook herself to the parlour

'Well, Fanny,' said the miller's daughter, 'you see I have come to see you, although we HAD some words last

'I pity your bad passions, 'Tilda,' replied Miss Squeers, 'but I bear no malice. I am above it.'

'Don't be cross, Fanny,' said Miss Price. 'I have come to tell you something that I know will please you.'

'What may that be, 'Tilda?' demanded Miss Squeers; screwing up her lips, and looking as if nothing in earth,

'This,' rejoined Miss Price. 'After we left here last night John and I had a dreadful quarrel.'

'Lor! I wouldn't think so bad of you as to suppose it did,' rejoined her companion. 'That's not it.'

'After a great deal of wrangling, and saying we would never see each other any more,' continued Miss Price,

'we made it up, and this morning John went and wrote our names down to be put up, for the first time, next

Sunday, so we shall be married in three weeks, and I give you notice to get your frock made.'

There was mingled gall and honey in this intelligence. The prospect of the friend's being married so soon was

the gall, and the certainty of her not entertaining serious designs upon Nicholas was the honey. Upon the

whole, the sweet greatly preponderated over the bitter, so Miss Squeers said she would get the frock made,

and that she hoped 'Tilda might be happy, though at the same time she didn't know, and would not have her

build too much upon it, for men were strange creatures, and a great many married women were very

miserable, and wished themselves single again with all their hearts; to which condolences Miss Squeers

added others equally calculated to raise her friend's spirits and promote her cheerfulness of mind.

'But come now, Fanny,' said Miss Price, 'I want to have a word or two with you about young Mr Nickleby.'

'He is nothing to me,' interrupted Miss Squeers, with hysterical symptoms. 'I despise him too much!'

'Oh, you don't mean that, I am sure?' replied her friend. 'Confess, Fanny; don't you like him now?'

Without returning any direct reply, Miss Squeers, all at once, fell into a paroxysm of spiteful tears, and

'I hate everybody,' said Miss Squeers, 'and I wish that everybody was deadthat I do.'

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'Dear, dear,' said Miss Price, quite moved by this avowal of misanthropical sentiments. 'You are not serious, I

'Yes, I am,' rejoined Miss Squeers, tying tight knots in her pocket handkerchief and clenching her teeth.

'Oh! you'll think very differently in another five minutes,' said Matilda. 'How much better to take him into

favour again, than to hurt yourself by going on in that way. Wouldn't it be much nicer, now, to have him all to

yourself on good terms, in a company keeping, lovemaking, pleasant sort of manner?'

'I don't know but what it would,' sobbed Miss Squeers. 'Oh! 'Tilda, how could you have acted so mean and

'Heyday!' exclaimed Miss Price, giggling. 'One would suppose I had been murdering somebody at least.'

'And all this because I happen to have enough of good looks to make people civil to me,' cried Miss Price.

'Persons don't make their own faces, and it's no more my fault if mine is a good one than it is other people's

'Hold your tongue,' shrieked Miss Squeers, in her shrillest tone; 'or you'll make me slap you, 'Tilda, and

It is needless to say, that, by this time, the temper of each young lady was in some slight degree affected by

the tone of her conversation, and that a dash of personality was infused into the altercation, in consequence.

Indeed, the quarrel, from slight beginnings, rose to a considerable height, and was assuming a very violent

complexion, when both parties, falling into a great passion of tears, exclaimed simultaneously, that they had

never thought of being spoken to in that way: which exclamation, leading to a remonstrance, gradually

brought on an explanation: and the upshot was, that they fell into each other's arms and vowed eternal

friendship; the occasion in question making the fiftysecond time of repeating the same impressive ceremony

Perfect amicability being thus restored, a dialogue naturally ensued upon the number and nature of the

garments which would be indispensable for Miss Price's entrance into the holy state of matrimony, when

Miss Squeers clearly showed that a great many more than the miller could, or would, afford, were absolutely

necessary, and could not decently be dispensed with. The young lady then, by an easy digression, led the

discourse to her own wardrobe, and after recounting its principal beauties at some length, took her friend

upstairs to make inspection thereof. The treasures of two drawers and a closet having been displayed, and all

the smaller articles tried on, it was time for Miss Price to return home; and as she had been in raptures with

all the frocks, and had been stricken quite dumb with admiration of a new pink scarf, Miss Squeers said in

high good humour, that she would walk part of the way with her, for the pleasure of her company; and off

they went together: Miss Squeers dilating, as they walked along, upon her father's accomplishments: and

multiplying his income by ten, to give her friend some faint notion of the vast importance and superiority of

It happened that that particular time, comprising the short daily interval which was suffered to elapse between

what was pleasantly called the dinner of Mr Squeers's pupils, and their return to the pursuit of useful

knowledge, was precisely the hour when Nicholas was accustomed to issue forth for a melancholy walk, and

to brood, as he sauntered listlessly through the village, upon his miserable lot. Miss Squeers knew this

perfectly well, but had perhaps forgotten it, for when she caught sight of that young gentleman advancing

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towards them, she evinced many symptoms of surprise and consternation, and assured her friend that she 'felt

'Shall we turn back, or run into a cottage?' asked Miss Price. 'He don't see us yet.'

'No, 'Tilda,' replied Miss Squeers, 'it is my duty to go through with it, and I will!'

As Miss Squeers said this, in the tone of one who has made a high moral resolution, and was, besides, taken

with one or two chokes and catchings of breath, indicative of feelings at a high pressure, her friend made no

further remark, and they bore straight down upon Nicholas, who, walking with his eyes bent upon the ground,

was not aware of their approach until they were close upon him; otherwise, he might, perhaps, have taken

'Come back, Mr Nickleby, do!' cried Miss Price, affecting alarm at her friend's threat, but really actuated by a

Mr Nickleby came back, and looked as confused as might be, as he inquired whether the ladies had any

'Don't stop to talk,' urged Miss Price, hastily; 'but support her on the other side. How do you feel now, dear?'

'Better,' sighed Miss Squeers, laying a beaver bonnet of a reddish brown with a green veil attached, on Mr

'Don't call it foolish, dear,' said Miss Price: her bright eye dancing with merriment as she saw the perplexity

of Nicholas; 'you have no reason to be ashamed of it. It's those who are too proud to come round again,

'You are resolved to fix it upon me, I see,' said Nicholas, smiling, 'although I told you, last night, it was not

'There; he says it was not his fault, my dear,' remarked the wicked Miss Price. 'Perhaps you were too jealous,

or too hasty with him? He says it was not his fault. You hear; I think that's apology enough.'

'You will not understand me,' said Nicholas. 'Pray dispense with this jesting, for I have no time, and really no

'Dear me,' said Nicholas, as the brown bonnet went down on his shoulder again, 'this is more serious than I

Here he raised up the brown bonnet, and regarding with most unfeigned astonishment a look of tender

reproach from Miss Squeers, shrunk back a few paces to be out of the reach of the fair burden, and went on to

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'I am very sorrytruly and sincerely sorryfor having been the cause of any difference among you, last

night. I reproach myself, most bitterly, for having been so unfortunate as to cause the dissension that

'Well; that's not all you have got to say surely,' exclaimed Miss Price as Nicholas paused.

'I fear there is something more,' stammered Nicholas with a half smile, and looking towards Miss Squeers,

'it is a most awkward thing to saybutthe very mention of such a supposition makes one look like a

puppystillmay I ask if that lady supposes that I entertain anyin short, does she think that I am in love

'Delightful embarrassment,' thought Miss Squeers, 'I have brought him to it, at last. Answer for me, dear,' she

'She does!' exclaimed Nicholas with such energy of utterance as might have been, for the moment, mistaken

'If Mr Nickleby has doubted that, 'Tilda,' said the blushing Miss Squeers in soft accents, 'he may set his mind

'Stop,' cried Nicholas hurriedly; 'pray hear me. This is the grossest and wildest delusion, the completest and

most signal mistake, that ever human being laboured under, or committed. I have scarcely seen the young

lady halfadozen times, but if I had seen her sixty times, or am destined to see her sixty thousand, it would

be, and will be, precisely the same. I have not one thought, wish, or hope, connected with her, unless it

beand I say this, not to hurt her feelings, but to impress her with the real state of my own unless it be the

one object, dear to my heart as life itself, of being one day able to turn my back upon this accursed place,

never to set foot in it again, or think of iteven think of itbut with loathing and disgust.'

With this particularly plain and straightforward declaration, which he made with all the vehemence that his

indignant and excited feelings could bring to bear upon it, Nicholas waiting to hear no more, retreated.

But poor Miss Squeers! Her anger, rage, and vexation; the rapid succession of bitter and passionate feelings

that whirled through her mind; are not to be described. Refused! refused by a teacher, picked up by

advertisement, at an annual salary of five pounds payable at indefinite periods, and 'found' in food and

lodging like the very boys themselves; and this too in the presence of a little chit of a miller's daughter of

eighteen, who was going to be married, in three weeks' time, to a man who had gone down on his very knees

to ask her. She could have choked in right good earnest, at the thought of being so humbled.

But, there was one thing clear in the midst of her mortification; and that was, that she hated and detested

Nicholas with all the narrowness of mind and littleness of purpose worthy a descendant of the house of

Squeers. And there was one comfort too; and that was, that every hour in every day she could wound his

pride, and goad him with the infliction of some slight, or insult, or deprivation, which could not but have

some effect on the most insensible person, and must be acutely felt by one so sensitive as Nicholas. With

these two reflections uppermost in her mind, Miss Squeers made the best of the matter to her friend, by

observing that Mr Nickleby was such an odd creature, and of such a violent temper, that she feared she

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And here it may be remarked, that Miss Squeers, having bestowed her affections (or whatever it might be

that, in the absence of anything better, represented them) on Nicholas Nickleby, had never once seriously

contemplated the possibility of his being of a different opinion from herself in the business. Miss Squeers

reasoned that she was prepossessing and beautiful, and that her father was master, and Nicholas man, and that

her father had saved money, and Nicholas had none, all of which seemed to her conclusive arguments why

the young man should feel only too much honoured by her preference. She had not failed to recollect, either,

how much more agreeable she could render his situation if she were his friend, and how much more

disagreeable if she were his enemy; and, doubtless, many less scrupulous young gentlemen than Nicholas

would have encouraged her extravagance had it been only for this very obvious and intelligible reason.

However, he had thought proper to do otherwise, and Miss Squeers was outrageous.

'Let him see,' said the irritated young lady, when she had regained her own room, and eased her mind by

committing an assault on Phib, 'if I don't set mother against him a little more when she comes back!'

It was scarcely necessary to do this, but Miss Squeers was as good as her word; and poor Nicholas, in

addition to bad food, dirty lodging, and the being compelled to witness one dull unvarying round of squalid

misery, was treated with every special indignity that malice could suggest, or the most grasping cupidity put

Nor was this all. There was another and deeper system of annoyance which made his heart sink, and nearly

The wretched creature, Smike, since the night Nicholas had spoken kindly to him in the schoolroom, had

followed him to and fro, with an everrestless desire to serve or help him; anticipating such little wants as his

humble ability could supply, and content only to be near him. He would sit beside him for hours, looking

patiently into his face; and a word would brighten up his careworn visage, and call into it a passing gleam,

even of happiness. He was an altered being; he had an object now; and that object was, to show his

attachment to the only personthat person a strangerwho had treated him, not to say with kindness, but

Upon this poor being, all the spleen and illhumour that could not be vented on Nicholas were unceasingly

bestowed. Drudgery would have been nothingSmike was well used to that. Buffetings inflicted without

cause, would have been equally a matter of course; for to them also he had served a long and weary

apprenticeship; but it was no sooner observed that he had become attached to Nicholas, than stripes and

blows, stripes and blows, morning, noon, and night, were his only portion. Squeers was jealous of the

influence which his man had so soon acquired, and his family hated him, and Smike paid for both. Nicholas

saw it, and ground his teeth at every repetition of the savage and cowardly attack.

He had arranged a few regular lessons for the boys; and one night, as he paced up and down the dismal

schoolroom, his swollen heart almost bursting to think that his protection and countenance should have

increased the misery of the wretched being whose peculiar destitution had awakened his pity, he paused

The poor soul was poring hard over a tattered book, with the traces of recent tears still upon his face; vainly

endeavouring to master some task which a child of nine years old, possessed of ordinary powers, could have

conquered with ease, but which, to the addled brain of the crushed boy of nineteen, was a sealed and hopeless

mystery. Yet there he sat, patiently conning the page again and again, stimulated by no boyish ambition, for

he was the common jest and scoff even of the uncouth objects that congregated about him, but inspired by the

CHAPTER 12. Whereby the Reader will be enabled to trace the further course of Miss Fanny Squeer's Love, and to ascertain whether it ran smooth or otherwise. 101

'I can't do it,' said the dejected creature, looking up with bitter disappointment in every feature. 'No, no.'

The boy shook his head, and closing the book with a sigh, looked vacantly round, and laid his head upon his

'Do not for God's sake,' said Nicholas, in an agitated voice; 'I cannot bear to see you.'

'But for you,' said the outcast, 'I should die. They would kill me; they would; I know they would.'

'You will do better, poor fellow,' replied Nicholas, shaking his head mournfully, 'when I am gone.'

'I cannot say,' replied Nicholas. 'I was speaking more to my own thoughts, than to you.'

'I shall be driven to that at last!' said Nicholas. 'The world is before me, after all.'

'Heaven forbid,' replied Nicholas, pursuing the train of his own thoughts; 'its hardest, coarsest toil, were

'Should I ever meet you there?' demanded the boy, speaking with unusual wildness and volubility.

'No, no!' said the other, clasping him by the hand. 'Should I should Itell me that again. Say I should be

'You would,' replied Nicholas, with the same humane intention, 'and I would help and aid you, and not bring

The boy caught both the young man's hands passionately in his, and, hugging them to his breast, uttered a few

broken sounds which were unintelligible. Squeers entered at the moment, and he shrunk back into his old

CHAPTER 12. Whereby the Reader will be enabled to trace the further course of Miss Fanny Squeer's Love, and to ascertain whether it ran smooth or otherwise. 102

The cold, feeble dawn of a January morning was stealing in at the windows of the common sleepingroom,

when Nicholas, raising himself on his arm, looked among the prostrate forms which on every side surrounded

It needed a quick eye to detect, from among the huddled mass of sleepers, the form of any given individual.

As they lay closely packed together, covered, for warmth's sake, with their patched and ragged clothes, little

could be distinguished but the sharp outlines of pale faces, over which the sombre light shed the same dull

heavy colour; with, here and there, a gaunt arm thrust forth: its thinness hidden by no covering, but fully

exposed to view, in all its shrunken ugliness. There were some who, lying on their backs with upturned faces

and clenched hands, just visible in the leaden light, bore more the aspect of dead bodies than of living

creatures; and there were others coiled up into strange and fantastic postures, such as might have been taken

for the uneasy efforts of pain to gain some temporary relief, rather than the freaks of slumber. A few and

these were among the youngest of the childrenslept peacefully on, with smiles upon their faces, dreaming

perhaps of home; but ever and again a deep and heavy sigh, breaking the stillness of the room, announced

that some new sleeper had awakened to the misery of another day; and, as morning took the place of night,

the smiles gradually faded away, with the friendly darkness which had given them birth.

Dreams are the bright creatures of poem and legend, who sport on earth in the night season, and melt away in

the first beam of the sun, which lights grim care and stern reality on their daily pilgrimage through the world.

Nicholas looked upon the sleepers; at first, with the air of one who gazes upon a scene which, though familiar

to him, has lost none of its sorrowful effect in consequence; and, afterwards, with a more intense and

searching scrutiny, as a man would who missed something his eye was accustomed to meet, and had expected

to rest upon. He was still occupied in this search, and had half risen from his bed in the eagerness of his quest,

'You lazy hounds?' added Mrs Squeers, finishing the sentence, and producing, at the same time, a sharp

'Down directly!' said Squeers. 'Ah! you had better be down directly, or I'll be down upon some of you in less.

'Do you want your head broke in a fresh place, Smike?' demanded his amiable lady in the same key.

Still there was no reply, and still Nicholas stared about him, as did the greater part of the boys, who were by

'Confound his impudence!' muttered Squeers, rapping the stairrail impatiently with his cane. 'Nickleby!'

CHAPTER 13. Nicholas varies the Monotony of Dothebys Hall by a most vigorous and remarkable proceeding, which leads to Consequences of some Importance 103

'We shall soon see that,' said Mr Squeers, rushing upstairs. 'I'll find him, I warrant you.'

With which assurance, Mr Squeers bounced into the dormitory, and, swinging his cane in the air ready for a

blow, darted into the corner where the lean body of the drudge was usually stretched at night. The cane

'What does this mean?' said Squeers, turning round with a very pale face. 'Where have you hid him?'

'Come,' said Squeers, evidently frightened, though he endeavoured to look otherwise, 'you won't save him this

'At the bottom of the nearest pond for aught I know,' rejoined Nicholas in a low voice, and fixing his eyes full

'Damn you, what do you mean by that?' retorted Squeers in great perturbation. Without waiting for a reply, he

inquired of the boys whether any one among them knew anything of their missing schoolmate.

There was a general hum of anxious denial, in the midst of which, one shrill voice was heard to say (as,

'Tomkins, please sir,' rejoined a chorus of voices. Mr Squeers made a plunge into the crowd, and at one dive,

caught a very little boy, habited still in his nightgear, and the perplexed expression of whose countenance,

as he was brought forward, seemed to intimate that he was as yet uncertain whether he was about to be

'And what, sir,' said Squeers, catching the little boy suddenly by the arms and whisking up his drapery in a

most dexterous manner, 'what reason have you to suppose that any boy would want to run away from this

The child raised a dismal cry, by way of answer, and Mr Squeers, throwing himself into the most favourable

attitude for exercising his strength, beat him until the little urchin in his writhings actually rolled out of his

CHAPTER 13. Nicholas varies the Monotony of Dothebys Hall by a most vigorous and remarkable proceeding, which leads to Consequences of some Importance 104

'There,' said Squeers. 'Now if any other boy thinks Smike has run away, I shall be glad to have a talk with

There was, of course, a profound silence, during which Nicholas showed his disgust as plainly as looks could

'Well, Nickleby,' said Squeers, eyeing him maliciously. 'YOU think he has run away, I suppose?'

'He did not,' replied Nicholas; 'I am very glad he did not, for it would then have been my duty to have warned

'Which no doubt you would have been devilish sorry to do,' said Squeers in a taunting fashion.

'I should indeed,' replied Nicholas. 'You interpret my feelings with great accuracy.'

Mrs Squeers had listened to this conversation, from the bottom of the stairs; but, now losing all patience, she

'What's all this here todo?' said the lady, as the boys fell off right and left, to save her the trouble of clearing

a passage with her brawny arms. 'What on earth are you a talking to him for, Squeery!'

'Well, I know that,' said the lady, 'and where's the wonder? If you get a parcel of proudstomached teachers

that set the young dogs a rebelling, what else can you look for? Now, young man, you just have the kindness

to take yourself off to the schoolroom, and take the boys off with you, and don't you stir out of there till you

have leave given you, or you and I may fall out in a way that'll spoil your beauty, handsome as you think

'Yes; and indeed and indeed again, Mister Jackanapes,' said the excited lady; 'and I wouldn't keep such as you

'Ah! Now, boys,' said Mrs Squeers, mimicking, as nearly as she could, the voice and manner of the usher.

'Follow your leader, boys, and take pattern by Smike if you dare. See what he'll get for himself, when he is

brought back; and, mind! I tell you that you shall have as bad, and twice as bad, if you so much as open your

CHAPTER 13. Nicholas varies the Monotony of Dothebys Hall by a most vigorous and remarkable proceeding, which leads to Consequences of some Importance 105

'If I catch him,' said Squeers, 'I'll only stop short of flaying him alive. I give you notice, boys.'

'IF you catch him,' retorted Mrs Squeers, contemptuously; 'you are sure to; you can't help it, if you go the

With these words, Mrs Squeers dismissed the boys, and after a little light skirmishing with those in the rear

who were pressing forward to get out of the way, but were detained for a few moments by the throng in front,

'He is off,' said Mrs Squeers. 'The cowhouse and stable are locked up, so he can't be there; and he's not

downstairs anywhere, for the girl has looked. He must have gone York way, and by a public road too.'

'Never had a penny of his own in his whole life, that I know of,' replied Squeers.

'To be sure,' rejoined Mrs Squeers, 'and he didn't take anything to eat with him; that I'll answer for. Ha! ha!

'Then, of course,' said Mrs S., 'he must beg his way, and he could do that, nowhere, but on the public road.'

'True! Yes; but you would never have thought of it, for all that, if I hadn't said so,' replied his wife. 'Now, if

you take the chaise and go one road, and I borrow Swallow's chaise, and go the other, what with keeping our

eyes open, and asking questions, one or other of us is pretty certain to lay hold of him.'

The worthy lady's plan was adopted and put in execution without a moment's delay. After a very hasty

breakfast, and the prosecution of some inquiries in the village, the result of which seemed to show that he was

on the right track, Squeers started forth in the pony chaise, intent upon discovery and vengeance. Shortly

afterwards, Mrs Squeers, arrayed in the white topcoat, and tied up in various shawls and handkerchiefs,

issued forth in another chaise and another direction, taking with her a goodsized bludgeon, several odd

pieces of strong cord, and a stout labouring man: all provided and carried upon the expedition, with the sole

object of assisting in the capture, and (once caught) insuring the safe custody of the unfortunate Smike.

Nicholas remained behind, in a tumult of feeling, sensible that whatever might be the upshot of the boy's

flight, nothing but painful and deplorable consequences were likely to ensue from it. Death, from want and

exposure to the weather, was the best that could be expected from the protracted wandering of so poor and

helpless a creature, alone and unfriended, through a country of which he was wholly ignorant. There was

little, perhaps, to choose between this fate and a return to the tender mercies of the Yorkshire school; but the

unhappy being had established a hold upon his sympathy and compassion, which made his heart ache at the

prospect of the suffering he was destined to undergo. He lingered on, in restless anxiety, picturing a thousand

possibilities, until the evening of next day, when Squeers returned, alone, and unsuccessful.

'No news of the scamp!' said the schoolmaster, who had evidently been stretching his legs, on the old

principle, not a few times during the journey. 'I'll have consolation for this out of somebody, Nickleby, if Mrs

CHAPTER 13. Nicholas varies the Monotony of Dothebys Hall by a most vigorous and remarkable proceeding, which leads to Consequences of some Importance 106

'It is not in my power to console you, sir,' said Nicholas. 'It is nothing to me.'

'Here's the pony run right off his legs, and me obliged to come home with a hack cob, that'll cost fifteen

shillings besides other expenses,' said Squeers; 'who's to pay for that, do you hear?'

'I'll have it out of somebody, I tell you,' said Squeers, his usual harsh crafty manner changed to open bullying

'None of your whining vapourings here, Mr Puppy, but be off to your kennel, for it's past your bedtime!

Nicholas bit his lip and knit his hands involuntarily, for his fingerends tingled to avenge the insult; but

remembering that the man was drunk, and that it could come to little but a noisy brawl, he contented himself

with darting a contemptuous look at the tyrant, and walked, as majestically as he could, upstairs: not a little

nettled, however, to observe that Miss Squeers and Master Squeers, and the servant girl, were enjoying the

scene from a snug corner; the two former indulging in many edifying remarks about the presumption of poor

upstarts, which occasioned a vast deal of laughter, in which even the most miserable of all miserable servant

girls joined: while Nicholas, stung to the quick, drew over his head such bedclothes as he had, and sternly

resolved that the outstanding account between himself and Mr Squeers should be settled rather more speedily

Another day came, and Nicholas was scarcely awake when he heard the wheels of a chaise approaching the

house. It stopped. The voice of Mrs Squeers was heard, and in exultation, ordering a glass of spirits for

somebody, which was in itself a sufficient sign that something extraordinary had happened. Nicholas hardly

dared to look out of the window; but he did so, and the very first object that met his eyes was the wretched

Smike: so bedabbled with mud and rain, so haggard and worn, and wild, that, but for his garments being such

as no scarecrow was ever seen to wear, he might have been doubtful, even then, of his identity.

'Lift him out,' said Squeers, after he had literally feasted his eyes, in silence, upon the culprit. 'Bring him in;

'Take care,' cried Mrs Squeers, as her husband proffered his assistance. 'We tied his legs under the apron and

With hands trembling with delight, Squeers unloosened the cord; and Smike, to all appearance more dead

than alive, was brought into the house and securely locked up in a cellar, until such time as Mr Squeers

should deem it expedient to operate upon him, in presence of the assembled school.

Upon a hasty consideration of the circumstances, it may be matter of surprise to some persons, that Mr and

Mrs Squeers should have taken so much trouble to repossess themselves of an incumbrance of which it was

their wont to complain so loudly; but their surprise will cease when they are informed that the manifold

services of the drudge, if performed by anybody else, would have cost the establishment some ten or twelve

shillings per week in the shape of wages; and furthermore, that all runaways were, as a matter of policy, made

severe examples of, at Dotheboys Hall, inasmuch as, in consequence of the limited extent of its attractions,

there was but little inducement, beyond the powerful impulse of fear, for any pupil, provided with the usual

CHAPTER 13. Nicholas varies the Monotony of Dothebys Hall by a most vigorous and remarkable proceeding, which leads to Consequences of some Importance 107

The news that Smike had been caught and brought back in triumph, ran like wildfire through the hungry

community, and expectation was on tiptoe all the morning. On tiptoe it was destined to remain, however,

until afternoon; when Squeers, having refreshed himself with his dinner, and further strengthened himself by

an extra libation or so, made his appearance (accompanied by his amiable partner) with a countenance of

portentous import, and a fearful instrument of flagellation, strong, supple, waxended, and new,in short,

Every boy was there, but every boy was afraid to speak, so Squeers glared along the lines to assure himself;

'Each boy keep his place,' said Squeers, administering his favourite blow to the desk, and regarding with

gloomy satisfaction the universal start which it never failed to occasion. 'Nickleby! to your desk, sir.'

It was remarked by more than one small observer, that there was a very curious and unusual expression in the

usher's face; but he took his seat, without opening his lips in reply. Squeers, casting a triumphant glance at his

assistant and a look of most comprehensive despotism on the boys, left the room, and shortly afterwards

returned, dragging Smike by the collaror rather by that fragment of his jacket which was nearest the place

In any other place, the appearance of the wretched, jaded, spiritless object would have occasioned a murmur

of compassion and remonstrance. It had some effect, even there; for the lookerson moved uneasily in their

seats; and a few of the boldest ventured to steal looks at each other, expressive of indignation and pity.

They were lost on Squeers, however, whose gaze was fastened on the luckless Smike, as he inquired,

Smike glanced round, and his eye rested, for an instant, on Nicholas, as if he had expected him to intercede;

'Have you anything to say?' demanded Squeers again: giving his right arm two or three flourishes to try its

power and suppleness. 'Stand a little out of the way, Mrs Squeers, my dear; I've hardly got room enough.'

'Oh! that's all, is it?' said Squeers. 'Yes, I'll flog you within an inch of your life, and spare you that.'

'I was driven to do it,' said Smike faintly; and casting another imploring look about him.

'Driven to do it, were you?' said Squeers. 'Oh! it wasn't your fault; it was mine, I supposeeh?'

'A nasty, ungrateful, pigheaded, brutish, obstinate, sneaking dog,' exclaimed Mrs Squeers, taking Smike's

head under her arm, and administering a cuff at every epithet; 'what does he mean by that?'

CHAPTER 13. Nicholas varies the Monotony of Dothebys Hall by a most vigorous and remarkable proceeding, which leads to Consequences of some Importance 108

Mrs Squeers, being out of breath with her exertions, complied. Squeers caught the boy firmly in his grip; one

desperate cut had fallen on his bodyhe was wincing from the lash and uttering a scream of painit was

raised again, and again about to fallwhen Nicholas Nickleby, suddenly starting up, cried 'Stop!' in a voice

Aghast and stupefied by the boldness of the interference, Squeers released his hold of Smike, and, falling

back a pace or two, gazed upon Nicholas with looks that were positively frightful.

'I say must not,' repeated Nicholas, nothing daunted; 'shall not. I will prevent it.'

Squeers continued to gaze upon him, with his eyes starting out of his head; but astonishment had actually, for

'You have disregarded all my quiet interference in the miserable lad's behalf,' said Nicholas; 'you have

returned no answer to the letter in which I begged forgiveness for him, and offered to be responsible that he

would remain quietly here. Don't blame me for this public interference. You have brought it upon yourself;

'Sit down, beggar!' screamed Squeers, almost beside himself with rage, and seizing Smike as he spoke.

'Wretch,' rejoined Nicholas, fiercely, 'touch him at your peril! I will not stand by, and see it done. My blood is

up, and I have the strength of ten such men as you. Look to yourself, for by Heaven I will not spare you, if

'I have a long series of insults to avenge,' said Nicholas, flushed with passion; 'and my indignation is

aggravated by the dastardly cruelties practised on helpless infancy in this foul den. Have a care; for if you do

raise the devil within me, the consequences shall fall heavily upon your own head!'

He had scarcely spoken, when Squeers, in a violent outbreak of wrath, and with a cry like the howl of a wild

beast, spat upon him, and struck him a blow across the face with his instrument of torture, which raised up a

bar of livid flesh as it was inflicted. Smarting with the agony of the blow, and concentrating into that one

moment all his feelings of rage, scorn, and indignation, Nicholas sprang upon him, wrested the weapon from

his hand, and pinning him by the throat, beat the ruffian till he roared for mercy.

The boyswith the exception of Master Squeers, who, coming to his father's assistance, harassed the enemy

in the rearmoved not, hand or foot; but Mrs Squeers, with many shrieks for aid, hung on to the tail of her

partner's coat, and endeavoured to drag him from his infuriated adversary; while Miss Squeers, who had been

peeping through the keyhole in expectation of a very different scene, darted in at the very beginning of the

attack, and after launching a shower of inkstands at the usher's head, beat Nicholas to her heart's content;

animating herself, at every blow, with the recollection of his having refused her proffered love, and thus

imparting additional strength to an arm which (as she took after her mother in this respect) was, at no time,

CHAPTER 13. Nicholas varies the Monotony of Dothebys Hall by a most vigorous and remarkable proceeding, which leads to Consequences of some Importance 109

Nicholas, in the full torrent of his violence, felt the blows no more than if they had been dealt with feathers;

but, becoming tired of the noise and uproar, and feeling that his arm grew weak besides, he threw all his

remaining strength into halfadozen finishing cuts, and flung Squeers from him with all the force he could

muster. The violence of his fall precipitated Mrs Squeers completely over an adjacent form; and Squeers

striking his head against it in his descent, lay at his full length on the ground, stunned and motionless.

Having brought affairs to this happy termination, and ascertained, to his thorough satisfaction, that Squeers

was only stunned, and not dead (upon which point he had had some unpleasant doubts at first), Nicholas left

his family to restore him, and retired to consider what course he had better adopt. He looked anxiously round

After a brief consideration, he packed up a few clothes in a small leathern valise, and, finding that nobody

offered to oppose his progress, marched boldly out by the frontdoor, and shortly afterwards, struck into the

When he had cooled sufficiently to be enabled to give his present circumstances some little reflection, they

did not appear in a very encouraging light; he had only four shillings and a few pence in his pocket, and was

something more than two hundred and fifty miles from London, whither he resolved to direct his steps, that

he might ascertain, among other things, what account of the morning's proceedings Mr Squeers transmitted to

Lifting up his eyes, as he arrived at the conclusion that there was no remedy for this unfortunate state of

things, he beheld a horseman coming towards him, whom, on nearer approach, he discovered, to his infinite

chagrin, to be no other than Mr John Browdie, who, clad in cords and leather leggings, was urging his animal

forward by means of a thick ash stick, which seemed to have been recently cut from some stout sapling.

'I am in no mood for more noise and riot,' thought Nicholas, 'and yet, do what I will, I shall have an

altercation with this honest blockhead, and perhaps a blow or two from yonder staff.'

In truth, there appeared some reason to expect that such a result would follow from the encounter, for John

Browdie no sooner saw Nicholas advancing, than he reined in his horse by the footpath, and waited until such

time as he should come up; looking meanwhile, very sternly between the horse's ears, at Nicholas, as he came

'Weel; we ha' met at last,' observed John, making the stirrup ring under a smart touch of the ash stick.

'Yes,' replied Nicholas, hesitating. 'Come!' he said, frankly, after a moment's pause, 'we parted on no very

good terms the last time we met; it was my fault, I believe; but I had no intention of offending you, and no

idea that I was doing so. I was very sorry for it, afterwards. Will you shake hands?'

'Shake honds!' cried the goodhumoured Yorkshireman; 'ah! that I weel;' at the same time, he bent down

from the saddle, and gave Nicholas's fist a huge wrench: 'but wa'at be the matther wi' thy feace, mun? it be all

'It is a cut,' said Nicholas, turning scarlet as he spoke,'a blow; but I returned it to the giver, and with good

CHAPTER 13. Nicholas varies the Monotony of Dothebys Hall by a most vigorous and remarkable proceeding, which leads to Consequences of some Importance 110

'Noa, did 'ee though?' exclaimed John Browdie. 'Well deane! I loike 'un for thot.'

'The fact is,' said Nicholas, not very well knowing how to make the avowal, 'the fact is, that I have been

'Noa!' interposed John Browdie, in a tone of compassion; for he was a giant in strength and stature, and

'Yes, I have,' replied Nicholas, 'by that man Squeers, and I have beaten him soundly, and am leaving this

'What!' cried John Browdie, with such an ecstatic shout, that the horse quite shied at it. 'Beatten the

schoolmeasther! Ho! ho! ho! Beatten the schoolmeasther! who ever heard o' the loike o' that noo! Giv' us thee

hond agean, yoongster. Beatten the schoolmeasther! Dang it, I loov' thee for't.'

With these expressions of delight, John Browdie laughed and laughed againso loud that the echoes, far and

wide, sent back nothing but jovial peals of merrimentand shook Nicholas by the hand meanwhile, no less

heartily. When his mirth had subsided, he inquired what Nicholas meant to do; on his informing him, to go

straight to London, he shook his head doubtfully, and inquired if he knew how much the coaches charged to

'No, I do not,' said Nicholas; 'but it is of no great consequence to me, for I intend walking.'

'Every step of the way,' replied Nicholas. 'I should be many steps further on by this time, and so goodbye!'

'Nay noo,' replied the honest countryman, reining in his impatient horse, 'stan' still, tellee. Hoo much cash

'Not much,' said Nicholas, colouring, 'but I can make it enough. Where there's a will, there's a way, you

John Browdie made no verbal answer to this remark, but putting his hand in his pocket, pulled out an old

purse of solid leather, and insisted that Nicholas should borrow from him whatever he required for his present

'Dean't be afeard, mun,' he said; 'tak' eneaf to carry thee whoam. Thee'lt pay me yan day, a' warrant.'

Nicholas could by no means be prevailed upon to borrow more than a sovereign, with which loan Mr

Browdie, after many entreaties that he would accept of more (observing, with a touch of Yorkshire caution,

that if he didn't spend it all, he could put the surplus by, till he had an opportunity of remitting it carriage

'Tak' that bit o' timber to help thee on wi', mun,' he added, pressing his stick on Nicholas, and giving his hand

another squeeze; 'keep a good heart, and bless thee. Beatten the schoolmeasther! 'Cod it's the best thing a've

So saying, and indulging, with more delicacy than might have been expected from him, in another series of

CHAPTER 13. Nicholas varies the Monotony of Dothebys Hall by a most vigorous and remarkable proceeding, which leads to Consequences of some Importance 111

loud laughs, for the purpose of avoiding the thanks which Nicholas poured forth, John Browdie set spurs to

his horse, and went off at a smart canter: looking back, from time to time, as Nicholas stood gazing after him,

and waving his hand cheerily, as if to encourage him on his way. Nicholas watched the horse and rider until

they disappeared over the brow of a distant hill, and then set forward on his journey.

He did not travel far that afternoon, for by this time it was nearly dark, and there had been a heavy fall of

snow, which not only rendered the way toilsome, but the track uncertain and difficult to find, after daylight,

save by experienced wayfarers. He lay, that night, at a cottage, where beds were let at a cheap rate to the

more humble class of travellers; and, rising betimes next morning, made his way before night to

Boroughbridge. Passing through that town in search of some cheap restingplace, he stumbled upon an

empty barn within a couple of hundred yards of the roadside; in a warm corner of which, he stretched his

When he awoke next morning, and tried to recollect his dreams, which had been all connected with his recent

sojourn at Dotheboys Hall, he sat up, rubbed his eyes and starednot with the most composed countenance

possibleat some motionless object which seemed to be stationed within a few yards in front of him.

'Strange!' cried Nicholas; 'can this be some lingering creation of the visions that have scarcely left me! It

The form moved, rose, advanced, and dropped upon its knees at his feet. It was Smike indeed.

'To go with youanywhereeverywhereto the world's endto the churchyard grave,' replied Smike,

clinging to his hand. 'Let me, oh do let me. You are my homemy kind friendtake me with you, pray.'

'I am a friend who can do little for you,' said Nicholas, kindly. 'How came you here?'

He had followed him, it seemed; had never lost sight of him all the way; had watched while he slept, and

when he halted for refreshment; and had feared to appear before, lest he should be sent back. He had not

intended to appear now, but Nicholas had awakened more suddenly than he looked for, and he had had no

'Poor fellow!' said Nicholas, 'your hard fate denies you any friend but one, and he is nearly as poor and

'May Imay I go with you?' asked Smike, timidly. 'I will be your faithful hardworking servant, I will,

indeed. I want no clothes,' added the poor creature, drawing his rags together; 'these will do very well. I only

'And you shall,' cried Nicholas. 'And the world shall deal by you as it does by me, till one or both of us shall

With these words, he strapped his burden on his shoulders, and, taking his stick in one hand, extended the

other to his delighted charge; and so they passed out of the old barn, together.

CHAPTER 14. Having the Misfortune to treat of none but Common People, is necessarily of a Mean and Vulgar Character 112

In that quarter of London in which Golden Square is situated, there is a bygone, faded, tumbledown street,

with two irregular rows of tall meagre houses, which seem to have stared each other out of countenance years

ago. The very chimneys appear to have grown dismal and melancholy, from having had nothing better to look

at than the chimneys over the way. Their tops are battered, and broken, and blackened with smoke; and, here

and there, some taller stack than the rest, inclining heavily to one side, and toppling over the roof, seems to

mediate taking revenge for half a century's neglect, by crushing the inhabitants of the garrets beneath.

The fowls who peck about the kennels, jerking their bodies hither and thither with a gait which none but town

fowls are ever seen to adopt, and which any country cock or hen would be puzzled to understand, are

perfectly in keeping with the crazy habitations of their owners. Dingy, illplumed, drowsy flutterers, sent,

like many of the neighbouring children, to get a livelihood in the streets, they hop, from stone to stone, in

forlorn search of some hidden eatable in the mud, and can scarcely raise a crow among them. The only one

with anything approaching to a voice, is an aged bantam at the baker's; and even he is hoarse, in consequence

To judge from the size of the houses, they have been, at one time, tenanted by persons of better condition

than their present occupants; but they are now let off, by the week, in floors or rooms, and every door has

almost as many plates or bellhandles as there are apartments within. The windows are, for the same reason,

sufficiently diversified in appearance, being ornamented with every variety of common blind and curtain that

can easily be imagined; while every doorway is blocked up, and rendered nearly impassable, by a motley

collection of children and porter pots of all sizes, from the baby in arms and the halfpint pot, to the

In the parlour of one of these houses, which was perhaps a thought dirtier than any of its neighbours; which

exhibited more bell handles, children, and porter pots, and caught in all its freshness the first gust of the

thick black smoke that poured forth, night and day, from a large brewery hard by; hung a bill, announcing

that there was yet one room to let within its walls, though on what story the vacant room could beregard

being had to the outward tokens of many lodgers which the whole front displayed, from the mangle in the

kitchen window to the flowerpots on the parapetit would have been beyond the power of a calculating

The common stairs of this mansion were bare and carpetless; but a curious visitor who had to climb his way

to the top, might have observed that there were not wanting indications of the progressive poverty of the

inmates, although their rooms were shut. Thus, the firstfloor lodgers, being flush of furniture, kept an old

mahogany tablereal mahoganyon the landingplace outside, which was only taken in, when occasion

required. On the second story, the spare furniture dwindled down to a couple of old deal chairs, of which one,

belonging to the backroom, was shorn of a leg, and bottomless. The story above, boasted no greater excess

than a wormeaten wash tub; and the garret landingplace displayed no costlier articles than two crippled

It was on this garret landingplace that a hardfeatured square faced man, elderly and shabby, stopped to

unlock the door of the front attic, into which, having surmounted the task of turning the rusty key in its still

This person wore a wig of short, coarse, red hair, which he took off with his hat, and hung upon a nail.

Having adopted in its place a dirty cotton nightcap, and groped about in the dark till he found a remnant of

candle, he knocked at the partition which divided the two garrets, and inquired, in a loud voice, whether Mr

The sounds that came back were stifled by the lath and plaster, and it seemed moreover as though the speaker

had uttered them from the interior of a mug or other drinking vessel; but they were in the voice of Newman,

CHAPTER 14. Having the Misfortune to treat of none but Common People, is necessarily of a Mean and Vulgar Character 113

'A nasty night, Mr Noggs!' said the man in the nightcap, stepping in to light his candle.

'It doesn't take much to wet you and me through, Mr Crowl,' said Newman, laying his hand upon the lappel of

'Well; and that makes it the more vexatious,' observed Mr Crowl, in the same pettish tone.

Uttering a low querulous growl, the speaker, whose harsh countenance was the very epitome of selfishness,

raked the scanty fire nearly out of the grate, and, emptying the glass which Noggs had pushed towards him,

Newman Noggs pointed to the bottom of a cupboard, and Mr Crowl, seizing the shovel, threw on half the

Newman pointed to the empty glass, as though it were a sufficient refutation of the charge, and briefly said

'Think of that now!' said Crowl. 'If I didn'tthinking that you were certain not to go, because you said you

wouldn'ttell Kenwigs I couldn't come, and make up my mind to spend the evening with you!'

'Well; but what's to become of me?' urged the selfish man, who never thought of anybody else. 'It's all your

Newman cast a despairing glance at his small store of fuel, but, not having the courage to say noa word

which in all his life he never had said at the right time, either to himself or anyone elsegave way to the

proposed arrangement. Mr Crowl immediately went about making himself as comfortable, with Newman

The lodgers to whom Crowl had made allusion under the designation of 'the Kenwigses,' were the wife and

olive branches of one Mr Kenwigs, a turner in ivory, who was looked upon as a person of some consideration

on the premises, inasmuch as he occupied the whole of the first floor, comprising a suite of two rooms. Mrs

Kenwigs, too, was quite a lady in her manners, and of a very genteel family, having an uncle who collected a

waterrate; besides which distinction, the two eldest of her little girls went twice a week to a dancing school

in the neighbourhood, and had flaxen hair, tied with blue ribbons, hanging in luxuriant pigtails down their

backs; and wore little white trousers with frills round the anklesfor all of which reasons, and many more

equally valid but too numerous to mention, Mrs Kenwigs was considered a very desirable person to know,

and was the constant theme of all the gossips in the street, and even three or four doors round the corner at

CHAPTER 14. Having the Misfortune to treat of none but Common People, is necessarily of a Mean and Vulgar Character 114

It was the anniversary of that happy day on which the Church of England as by law established, had bestowed

Mrs Kenwigs upon Mr Kenwigs; and in grateful commemoration of the same, Mrs Kenwigs had invited a

few select friends to cards and a supper in the first floor, and had put on a new gown to receive them in:

which gown, being of a flaming colour and made upon a juvenile principle, was so successful that Mr

Kenwigs said the eight years of matrimony and the five children seemed all a dream, and Mrs Kenwigs

younger and more blooming than on the very first Sunday he had kept company with her.

Beautiful as Mrs Kenwigs looked when she was dressed though, and so stately that you would have supposed

she had a cook and housemaid at least, and nothing to do but order them about, she had a world of trouble

with the preparations; more, indeed, than she, being of a delicate and genteel constitution, could have

sustained, had not the pride of housewifery upheld her. At last, however, all the things that had to be got

together were got together, and all the things that had to be got out of the way were got out of the way, and

everything was ready, and the collector himself having promised to come, fortune smiled upon the occasion.

The party was admirably selected. There were, first of all, Mr Kenwigs and Mrs Kenwigs, and four olive

Kenwigses who sat up to supper; firstly, because it was but right that they should have a treat on such a day;

and secondly, because their going to bed, in presence of the company, would have been inconvenient, not to

say improper. Then, there was a young lady who had made Mrs Kenwigs's dress, and whoit was the most

convenient thing in the world living in the twopair back, gave up her bed to the baby, and got a little girl

to watch it. Then, to match this young lady, was a young man, who had known Mr Kenwigs when he was a

bachelor, and was much esteemed by the ladies, as bearing the reputation of a rake. To these were added a

newlymarried couple, who had visited Mr and Mrs Kenwigs in their courtship; and a sister of Mrs

Kenwigs's, who was quite a beauty; besides whom, there was another young man, supposed to entertain

honourable designs upon the lady last mentioned; and Mr Noggs, who was a genteel person to ask, because

he had been a gentleman once. There were also an elderly lady from the backparlour, and one more young

lady, who, next to the collector, perhaps was the great lion of the party, being the daughter of a theatrical

fireman, who 'went on' in the pantomime, and had the greatest turn for the stage that was ever known, being

able to sing and recite in a manner that brought the tears into Mrs Kenwigs's eyes. There was only one

drawback upon the pleasure of seeing such friends, and that was, that the lady in the backparlour, who was

very fat, and turned of sixty, came in a low bookmuslin dress and short kid gloves, which so exasperated

Mrs Kenwigs, that that lady assured her visitors, in private, that if it hadn't happened that the supper was

cooking at the backparlour grate at that moment, she certainly would have requested its representative to

'Kenwigs, my dear,' returned his wife, 'I am surprised at you. Would you begin without my uncle?'

'He's so particular,' said Mrs Kenwigs, turning to the other married lady, 'that if we began without him, I

'You've no idea what he is,' replied Mrs Kenwigs; 'and yet as good a creature as ever breathed.'

CHAPTER 14. Having the Misfortune to treat of none but Common People, is necessarily of a Mean and Vulgar Character 115

'It goes to his heart, I believe, to be forced to cut the water off, when the people don't pay,' observed the

'George,' rejoined Mr Kenwigs, 'a joke is a wery good thinga wery good thingbut when that joke is

made at the expense of Mrs Kenwigs's feelings, I set my face against it. A man in public life expects to be

sneered atit is the fault of his elewated sitiwation, and not of himself. Mrs Kenwigs's relation is a public

man, and that he knows, George, and that he can bear; but putting Mrs Kenwigs out of the question (if I

COULD put Mrs Kenwigs out of the question on such an occasion as this), I have the honour to be connected

with the collector by marriage; and I cannot allow these remarks in my' Mr Kenwigs was going to say

At the conclusion of these observations, which drew forth evidences of acute feeling from Mrs Kenwigs, and

had the intended effect of impressing the company with a deep sense of the collector's dignity, a ring was

'That's him,' whispered Mr Kenwigs, greatly excited. 'Morleena, my dear, run down and let your uncle in, and

Adopting Mr Kenwigs's suggestion, the company spoke very loudly, to look easy and unembarrassed; and

almost as soon as they had begun to do so, a short old gentleman in drabs and gaiters, with a face that might

have been carved out of LIGNUM VITAE, for anything that appeared to the contrary, was led playfully in by

Miss Morleena Kenwigs, regarding whose uncommon Christian name it may be here remarked that it had

been invented and composed by Mrs Kenwigs previous to her first lyingin, for the special distinction of her

'Oh, uncle, I am SO glad to see you,' said Mrs Kenwigs, kissing the collector affectionately on both cheeks.

'Many happy returns of the day, my dear,' replied the collector, returning the compliment.

Now, this was an interesting thing. Here was a collector of water rates, without his book, without his pen

and ink, without his double knock, without his intimidation, kissingactually kissingan agreeable female,

and leaving taxes, summonses, notices that he had called, or announcements that he would never call again,

for two quarters' due, wholly out of the question. It was pleasant to see how the company looked on, quite

absorbed in the sight, and to behold the nods and winks with which they expressed their gratification at

'Where will you sit, uncle?' said Mrs Kenwigs, in the full glow of family pride, which the appearance of her

Not particular! What a meek collector! If he had been an author, who knew his place, he couldn't have been

'Mr Lillyvick,' said Kenwigs, addressing the collector, 'some friends here, sir, are very anxious for the honour

CHAPTER 14. Having the Misfortune to treat of none but Common People, is necessarily of a Mean and Vulgar Character 116

'Proud to know you, sir,' said Mr Cutler; 'I've heerd of you very often.' These were not mere words of

ceremony; for, Mr Cutler, having kept house in Mr Lillyvick's parish, had heard of him very often indeed. His

'George, you know, I think, Mr Lillyvick,' said Kenwigs; 'lady from downstairsMr Lillyvick. Mr

SnewkesMr Lillyvick. Miss GreenMr Lillyvick. Mr LillyvickMiss Petowker of the Theatre Royal,

Drury Lane. Very glad to make two public characters acquainted! Mrs Kenwigs, my dear, will you sort the

Mrs Kenwigs, with the assistance of Newman Noggs, (who, as he performed sundry little acts of kindness for

the children, at all times and seasons, was humoured in his request to be taken no notice of, and was merely

spoken about, in a whisper, as the decayed gentleman), did as he was desired; and the greater part of the

guests sat down to speculation, while Newman himself, Mrs Kenwigs, and Miss Petowker of the Theatre

While the ladies were thus busying themselves, Mr Lillyvick was intent upon the game in progress, and as all

should be fish that comes to a watercollector's net, the dear old gentleman was by no means scrupulous in

appropriating to himself the property of his neighbours, which, on the contrary, he abstracted whenever an

opportunity presented itself, smiling goodhumouredly all the while, and making so many condescending

speeches to the owners, that they were delighted with his amiability, and thought in their hearts that he

After a great deal of trouble, and the administration of many slaps on the head to the infant Kenwigses,

whereof two of the most rebellious were summarily banished, the cloth was laid with much elegance, and a

pair of boiled fowls, a large piece of pork, apple pie, potatoes and greens, were served; at sight of which, the

worthy Mr Lillyvick vented a great many witticisms, and plucked up amazingly: to the immense delight and

Very well and very fast the supper went off; no more serious difficulties occurring, than those which arose

from the incessant demand for clean knives and forks; which made poor Mrs Kenwigs wish, more than once,

that private society adopted the principle of schools, and required that every guest should bring his own knife,

fork, and spoon; which doubtless would be a great accommodation in many cases, and to no one more so than

to the lady and gentleman of the house, especially if the school principle were carried out to the full extent,

and the articles were expected, as a matter of delicacy, not to be taken away again.

Everybody having eaten everything, the table was cleared in a most alarming hurry, and with great noise; and

the spirits, whereat the eyes of Newman Noggs glistened, being arranged in order, with water both hot and

cold, the party composed themselves for conviviality; Mr Lillyvick being stationed in a large armchair by the

fireside, and the four little Kenwigses disposed on a small form in front of the company with their flaxen tails

towards them, and their faces to the fire; an arrangement which was no sooner perfected, than Mrs Kenwigs

was overpowered by the feelings of a mother, and fell upon the left shoulder of Mr Kenwigs dissolved in

'Oh, dear,' said all the ladies, 'so they are! it's very natural you should feel proud of that; but don't give way,

'I cannot help it, and it don't signify,' sobbed Mrs Kenwigs; 'oh! they're too beautiful to live, much too

CHAPTER 14. Having the Misfortune to treat of none but Common People, is necessarily of a Mean and Vulgar Character 117

On hearing this alarming presentiment of their being doomed to an early death in the flower of their infancy,

all four little girls raised a hideous cry, and burying their heads in their mother's lap simultaneously, screamed

until the eight flaxen tails vibrated again; Mrs Kenwigs meanwhile clasping them alternately to her bosom,

with attitudes expressive of distraction, which Miss Petowker herself might have copied.

At length, the anxious mother permitted herself to be soothed into a more tranquil state, and the little

Kenwigses, being also composed, were distributed among the company, to prevent the possibility of Mrs

Kenwigs being again overcome by the blaze of their combined beauty. This done, the ladies and gentlemen

united in prophesying that they would live for many, many years, and that there was no occasion at all for

Mrs Kenwigs to distress herself; which, in good truth, there did not appear to be; the loveliness of the

This reflection was echoed by all present, who said 'Ah!' first, and 'dear me,' afterwards.

'I remember my niece,' said Mr Lillyvick, surveying his audience with a grave air; 'I remember her, on that

very afternoon, when she first acknowledged to her mother a partiality for Kenwigs. "Mother," she says, "I

'Perhaps you are right, uncle,' replied Mrs Kenwigs, submissively. 'I thought it was "adore."'

'"Love," my dear,' retorted Mr Lillyvick. '"Mother," she says, "I love him!" "What do I hear?" cries her

'Into strong conwulsions,' repeated Mr Lillyvick, regarding them with a rigid look. 'Kenwigs will excuse my

saying, in the presence of friends, that there was a very great objection to him, on the ground that he was

'Certainly,' replied that gentleman, in no way displeased at the reminiscence, inasmuch as it proved, beyond

'I shared in that feeling,' said Mr Lillyvick: 'perhaps it was natural; perhaps it wasn't.'

A gentle murmur seemed to say, that, in one of Mr Lillyvick's station, the objection was not only natural, but

'I came round to him in time,' said Mr Lillyvick. 'After they were married, and there was no help for it, I was

one of the first to say that Kenwigs must be taken notice of. The family DID take notice of him, in

CHAPTER 14. Having the Misfortune to treat of none but Common People, is necessarily of a Mean and Vulgar Character 118

consequence, and on my representation; and I am bound to sayand proud to saythat I have always found

him a very honest, wellbehaved, upright, respectable sort of man. Kenwigs, shake hands.'

'Morleena Kenwigs,' cried her mother, at this crisis, much affected, 'kiss your dear uncle!'

The young lady did as she was requested, and the three other little girls were successively hoisted up to the

collector's countenance, and subjected to the same process, which was afterwards repeated on them by the

'Oh dear, Mrs Kenwigs,' said Miss Petowker, 'while Mr Noggs is making that punch to drink happy returns

'It can't worry him, I am sure,' said Miss Petowker. 'You will be very much pleased, won't you, sir?'

'Well then, I'll tell you what,' said Mrs Kenwigs, 'Morleena shall do the steps, if uncle can persuade Miss

There was a great clapping of hands and stamping of feet, at this proposition; the subject whereof, gently

'You know,' said Miss Petowker, reproachfully, 'that I dislike doing anything professional in private parties.'

'Oh, but not here!' said Mrs Kenwigs. 'We are all so very friendly and pleasant, that you might as well be

'I can't resist that,' interrupted Miss Petowker; 'anything in my humble power I shall be delighted to do.'

Mrs Kenwigs and Miss Petowker had arranged a small PROGRAMME of the entertainments between them,

of which this was the prescribed order, but they had settled to have a little pressing on both sides, because it

looked more natural. The company being all ready, Miss Petowker hummed a tune, and Morleena danced a

dance; having previously had the soles of her shoes chalked, with as much care as if she were going on the

tightrope. It was a very beautiful figure, comprising a great deal of work for the arms, and was received with

'If I was blessed with aa child' said Miss Petowker, blushing, 'of such genius as that, I would have her

Mrs Kenwigs sighed, and looked at Mr Kenwigs, who shook his head, and observed that he was doubtful

CHAPTER 14. Having the Misfortune to treat of none but Common People, is necessarily of a Mean and Vulgar Character 119

'Oh no,' replied Mrs Kenwigs, 'but if she grew up what she is now, only think of the young dukes and

'Still,' submitted Miss Petowker, 'if she took a proper pride in herself, you know'

'I only know' faltered Miss Petowker,'it may be no rule to be surebut I have never found any

Mr Kenwigs, with becoming gallantry, said that settled the question at once, and that he would take the

subject into his serious consideration. This being resolved upon, Miss Petowker was entreated to begin the

BloodDrinker's Burial; to which end, that young lady let down her back hair, and taking up her position at

the other end of the room, with the bachelor friend posted in a corner, to rush out at the cue 'in death expire,'

and catch her in his arms when she died raving mad, went through the performance with extraordinary spirit,

and to the great terror of the little Kenwigses, who were all but frightened into fits.

The ecstasies consequent upon the effort had not yet subsided, and Newman (who had not been thoroughly

sober at so late an hour for a long long time,) had not yet been able to put in a word of announcement, that the

punch was ready, when a hasty knock was heard at the roomdoor, which elicited a shriek from Mrs

'Don't be alarmed, it's only me,' said Crowl, looking in, in his nightcap. 'The baby is very comfortable, for I

peeped into the room as I came down, and it's fast asleep, and so is the girl; and I don't think the candle will

set fire to the bedcurtain, unless a draught was to get into the roomit's Mr Noggs that's wanted.'

'Why, it IS a queer hour, isn't it?' replied Crowl, who was not best pleased at the prospect of losing his fire;

'and they are queer looking people, too, all covered with rain and mud. Shall I tell them to go away?'

Newman reflected for a few seconds, and then hurried away, muttering that he would be back directly. He

was as good as his word; for, in an exceedingly short time, he burst into the room, and seizing, without a

word of apology or explanation, a lighted candle and tumbler of hot punch from the table, darted away like a

CHAPTER 14. Having the Misfortune to treat of none but Common People, is necessarily of a Mean and Vulgar Character 120

'What the deuce is the matter with him?' exclaimed Crowl, throwing the door open. 'Hark! Is there any noise

The guests rose in great confusion, and, looking in each other's faces with much perplexity and some fear,

Newman Noggs scrambled in violent haste upstairs with the steaming beverage, which he had so

unceremoniously snatched from the table of Mr Kenwigs, and indeed from the very grasp of the waterrate

collector, who was eyeing the contents of the tumbler, at the moment of its unexpected abstraction, with

lively marks of pleasure visible in his countenance. He bore his prize straight to his own back garret, where,

footsore and nearly shoeless, wet, dirty, jaded, and disfigured with every mark of fatiguing travel, sat

Nicholas and Smike, at once the cause and partner of his toil; both perfectly worn out by their unwonted and

Newman's first act was to compel Nicholas, with gentle force, to swallow half of the punch at a breath, nearly

boiling as it was; and his next, to pour the remainder down the throat of Smike, who, never having tasted

anything stronger than aperient medicine in his whole life, exhibited various odd manifestations of surprise

and delight, during the passage of the liquor down his throat, and turned up his eyes most emphatically when

'You are wet through,' said Newman, passing his hand hastily over the coat which Nicholas had thrown off;

'and IIhaven't even a change,' he added, with a wistful glance at the shabby clothes he wore himself.

'I have dry clothes, or at least such as will serve my turn well, in my bundle,' replied Nicholas. 'If you look so

distressed to see me, you will add to the pain I feel already, at being compelled, for one night, to cast myself

Newman did not look the less distressed to hear Nicholas talking in this strain; but, upon his young friend

grasping him heartily by the hand, and assuring him that nothing but implicit confidence in the sincerity of

his professions, and kindness of feeling towards himself, would have induced him, on any consideration, even

to have made him acquainted with his arrival in London, Mr Noggs brightened up again, and went about

making such arrangements as were in his power for the comfort of his visitors, with extreme alacrity.

These were simple enough; poor Newman's means halting at a very considerable distance short of his

inclinations; but, slight as they were, they were not made without much bustling and running about. As

Nicholas had husbanded his scanty stock of money, so well that it was not yet quite expended, a supper of

bread and cheese, with some cold beef from the cook's shop, was soon placed upon the table; and these

viands being flanked by a bottle of spirits and a pot of porter, there was no ground for apprehension on the

score of hunger or thirst, at all events. Such preparations as Newman had it in his power to make, for the

accommodation of his guests during the night, occupied no very great time in completing; and as he had

insisted, as an express preliminary, that Nicholas should change his clothes, and that Smike should invest

himself in his solitary coat (which no entreaties would dissuade him from stripping off for the purpose), the

travellers partook of their frugal fare, with more satisfaction than one of them at least had derived from many

They then drew near the fire, which Newman Noggs had made up as well as he could, after the inroads of

CHAPTER 15. Acquaints the Reader with the Cause and Origin of the Interruption described in the last Chapter, and with some other Matters necessary to be known 121

Crowl upon the fuel; and Nicholas, who had hitherto been restrained by the extreme anxiety of his friend that

he should refresh himself after his journey, now pressed him with earnest questions concerning his mother

'And my sister,'added Nicholas. 'Is she still engaged in the business which she wrote to tell me she thought

Newman opened his eyes rather wider than usual, but merely replied by a gasp, which, according to the

action of the head that accompanied it, was interpreted by his friends as meaning yes or no. In the present

instance, the pantomime consisted of a nod, and not a shake; so Nicholas took the answer as a favourable one.

'Now listen to me,' said Nicholas, laying his hand on Newman's shoulder. 'Before I would make an effort to

see them, I deemed it expedient to come to you, lest, by gratifying my own selfish desire, I should inflict an

injury upon them which I can never repair. What has my uncle heard from Yorkshire?'

Newman opened and shut his mouth, several times, as though he were trying his utmost to speak, but could

make nothing of it, and finally fixed his eyes on Nicholas with a grim and ghastly stare.

'What has he heard?' urged Nicholas, colouring. 'You see that I am prepared to hear the very worst that malice

can have suggested. Why should you conceal it from me? I must know it sooner or later; and what purpose

can be gained by trifling with the matter for a few minutes, when half the time would put me in possession of

'I should sleep the worse,' answered Nicholas, impatiently. 'Sleep! Exhausted as I am, and standing in no

common need of rest, I cannot hope to close my eyes all night, unless you tell me everything.'

'Why, then you may rouse my indignation or wound my pride,' rejoined Nicholas; 'but you will not break my

rest; for if the scene were acted over again, I could take no other part than I have taken; and whatever

consequences may accrue to myself from it, I shall never regret doing as I have donenever, if I starve or

beg in consequence. What is a little poverty or suffering, to the disgrace of the basest and most inhuman

cowardice! I tell you, if I had stood by, tamely and passively, I should have hated myself, and merited the

With this gentle allusion to the absent Mr Squeers, Nicholas repressed his rising wrath, and relating to

Newman exactly what had passed at Dotheboys Hall, entreated him to speak out without more pressing. Thus

adjured, Mr Noggs took, from an old trunk, a sheet of paper, which appeared to have been scrawled over in

great haste; and after sundry extraordinary demonstrations of reluctance, delivered himself in the following

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'My dear young man, you mustn't give way tothis sort of thing will never do, you knowas to getting on

in the world, if you take everybody's part that's illtreatedDamn it, I am proud to hear of it; and would

Newman accompanied this very unusual outbreak with a violent blow upon the table, as if, in the heat of the

moment, he had mistaken it for the chest or ribs of Mr Wackford Squeers. Having, by this open declaration of

his feelings, quite precluded himself from offering Nicholas any cautious worldly advice (which had been his

'The day before yesterday,' said Newman, 'your uncle received this letter. I took a hasty copy of it, while he

'My pa requests me to write to you, the doctors considering it doubtful whether he will ever recuvver the use

'We are in a state of mind beyond everything, and my pa is one mask of brooses both blue and green likewise

two forms are steepled in his Goar. We were kimpelled to have him carried down into the kitchen where he

'When your nevew that you recommended for a teacher had done this to my pa and jumped upon his body

with his feet and also langwedge which I will not pollewt my pen with describing, he assaulted my ma with

dreadful violence, dashed her to the earth, and drove her back comb several inches into her head. A very little

more and it must have entered her skull. We have a medical certifiket that if it had, the tortershell would have

'Me and my brother were then the victims of his feury since which we have suffered very much which leads

us to the arrowing belief that we have received some injury in our insides, especially as no marks of violence

are visible externally. I am screaming out loud all the time I write and so is my brother which takes off my

'The monster having sasiated his thirst for blood ran away, taking with him a boy of desperate caracter that he

had excited to rebellyon, and a garnet ring belonging to my ma, and not having been apprehended by the

constables is supposed to have been took up by some stagecoach. My pa begs that if he comes to you the

ring may be returned, and that you will let the thief and assassin go, as if we prosecuted him he would only be

transported, and if he is let go he is sure to be hung before long which will save us trouble and be much more

A profound silence succeeded to the reading of this choice epistle, during which Newman Noggs, as he

folded it up, gazed with a kind of grotesque pity at the boy of desperate character therein referred to; who,

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having no more distinct perception of the matter in hand, than that he had been the unfortunate cause of

heaping trouble and falsehood upon Nicholas, sat mute and dispirited, with a most woebegone and

'Mr Noggs,' said Nicholas, after a few moments' reflection, 'I must go out at once.'

'Yes,' said Nicholas, 'to Golden Square. Nobody who knows me would believe this story of the ring; but it

may suit the purpose, or gratify the hatred of Mr Ralph Nickleby to feign to attach credence to it. It is

duenot to him, but to myselfthat I should state the truth; and moreover, I have a word or two to

'They must not, indeed,' rejoined Nicholas firmly, as he prepared to leave the house.

'Hear me speak,' said Newman, planting himself before his impetuous young friend. 'He is not there. He is

away from town. He will not be back for three days; and I know that letter will not be answered before he

'Are you sure of this?' asked Nicholas, chafing violently, and pacing the narrow room with rapid strides.

'Quite,' rejoined Newman. 'He had hardly read it when he was called away. Its contents are known to nobody

'Are you certain?' demanded Nicholas, precipitately; 'not even to my mother or sister? If I thought that

'Now, be advised by me,' said Newman, speaking for the moment, in his earnestness, like any other

man'make no effort to see even them, till he comes home. I know the man. Do not seem to have been

tampering with anybody. When he returns, go straight to him, and speak as boldly as you like. Guessing at

'You mean well to me, and should know him better than I can,' replied Nicholas, after some consideration.

Newman, who had stood during the foregoing conversation with his back planted against the door, ready to

oppose any egress from the apartment by force, if necessary, resumed his seat with much satisfaction; and as

the water in the kettle was by this time boiling, made a glassful of spirits and water for Nicholas, and a

cracked mugfull for the joint accommodation of himself and Smike, of which the two partook in great

harmony, while Nicholas, leaning his head upon his hand, remained buried in melancholy meditation.

Meanwhile, the company below stairs, after listening attentively and not hearing any noise which would

justify them in interfering for the gratification of their curiosity, returned to the chamber of the Kenwigses,

and employed themselves in hazarding a great variety of conjectures relative to the cause of Mr Noggs'

'Lor, I'll tell you what,' said Mrs Kenwigs. 'Suppose it should be an express sent up to say that his property

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'Dear me,' said Mr Kenwigs; 'it's not impossible. Perhaps, in that case, we'd better send up and ask if he won't

'What's the matter, sir?' asked Mr Kenwigs, with becoming submission to the collector of waterrates.

'Making such a remark as that, sir,' replied Mr Lillyvick, angrily. 'He has had punch already, has he not, sir? I

consider the way in which that punch was cut off, if I may use the expression, highly disrespectful to this

company; scandalous, perfectly scandalous. It may be the custom to allow such things in this house, but it's

not the kind of behaviour that I've been used to see displayed, and so I don't mind telling you, Kenwigs. A

gentleman has a glass of punch before him to which he is just about to set his lips, when another gentleman

comes and collars that glass of punch, without a "with your leave", or "by your leave", and carries that glass

of punch away. This may be good mannersI dare say it isbut I don't understand it, that's all; and what's

more, I don't care if I never do. It's my way to speak my mind, Kenwigs, and that is my mind; and if you don't

like it, it's past my regular time for going to bed, and I can find my way home without making it later.'

Here was an untoward event! The collector had sat swelling and fuming in offended dignity for some

minutes, and had now fairly burst out. The great manthe rich relationthe unmarried uncle who had it

in his power to make Morleena an heiress, and the very baby a legateewas offended. Gracious Powers,

'Don't tell me you're sorry,' retorted Mr Lillyvick, with much sharpness. 'You should have prevented it, then.'

The company were quite paralysed by this domestic crash. The back parlour sat with her mouth wide open,

staring vacantly at the collector, in a stupor of dismay; the other guests were scarcely less overpowered by the

great man's irritation. Mr Kenwigs, not being skilful in such matters, only fanned the flame in attempting to

'I didn't think of it, I am sure, sir,' said that gentleman. 'I didn't suppose that such a little thing as a glass of

'Out of temper! What the devil do you mean by that piece of impertinence, Mr Kenwigs?' said the collector.

'Oh, you're not going, Mr Lillyvick, sir,' interposed Miss Petowker, with her most bewitching smile.

But still Mr Lillyvick, regardless of the siren, cried obdurately, 'Morleena, my hat!' upon the fourth repetition

of which demand, Mrs Kenwigs sunk back in her chair, with a cry that might have softened a waterbutt, not

to say a watercollector; while the four little girls (privately instructed to that effect) clasped their uncle's

'Oh, do not speak so cruelly, uncle,' sobbed Mrs Kenwigs, 'unless you wish to kill me.'

'I shouldn't wonder if some people were to say I did,' replied Mr Lillyvick, glancing angrily at Kenwigs. 'Out

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'Oh! I cannot bear to see him look so, at my husband,' cried Mrs Kenwigs. 'It's so dreadful in families. Oh!'

'Mr Lillyvick,' said Kenwigs, 'I hope, for the sake of your niece, that you won't object to be reconciled.'

The collector's features relaxed, as the company added their entreaties to those of his nephewinlaw. He

'There, Kenwigs,' said Mr Lillyvick; 'and let me tell you, at the same time, to show you how much out of

temper I was, that if I had gone away without another word, it would have made no difference respecting that

'Morleena Kenwigs,' cried her mother, in a torrent of affection. 'Go down upon your knees to your dear uncle,

and beg him to love you all his life through, for he's more a angel than a man, and I've always said so.'

Miss Morleena approaching to do homage, in compliance with this injunction, was summarily caught up and

kissed by Mr Lillyvick; and thereupon Mrs Kenwigs darted forward and kissed the collector, and an

irrepressible murmur of applause broke from the company who had witnessed his magnanimity.

The worthy gentleman then became once more the life and soul of the society; being again reinstated in his

old post of lion, from which high station the temporary distraction of their thoughts had for a moment

dispossessed him. Quadruped lions are said to be savage, only when they are hungry; biped lions are rarely

sulky longer than when their appetite for distinction remains unappeased. Mr Lillyvick stood higher than

ever; for he had shown his power; hinted at his property and testamentary intentions; gained great credit for

disinterestedness and virtue; and, in addition to all, was finally accommodated with a much larger tumbler of

'I say! I beg everybody's pardon for intruding again,' said Crowl, looking in at this happy juncture; 'but what a

queer business this is, isn't it? Noggs has lived in this house, now going on for five years, and nobody has

'It's a strange time of night to be called away, sir, certainly,' said the collector; 'and the behaviour of Mr

'Well, so it is,' rejoined Growl; 'and I'll tell you what's moreI think these two geniuses, whoever they are,

'What makes you think that, sir?' demanded the collector, who seemed, by a tacit understanding, to have been

chosen and elected mouthpiece to the company. 'You have no reason to suppose that they have run away

Mr Crowl, with a look of some contempt, was about to enter a general protest against the payment of rates or

taxes, under any circumstances, when he was checked by a timely whisper from Kenwigs, and several frowns

'Why the fact is,' said Crowl, who had been listening at Newman's door with all his might and main; 'the fact

is, that they have been talking so loud, that they quite disturbed me in my room, and so I couldn't help

catching a word here, and a word there; and all I heard, certainly seemed to refer to their having bolted from

some place or other. I don't wish to alarm Mrs Kenwigs; but I hope they haven't come from any jail or

hospital, and brought away a fever or some unpleasantness of that sort, which might be catching for the

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Mrs Kenwigs was so overpowered by this supposition, that it needed all the tender attentions of Miss

Petowker, of the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane, to restore her to anything like a state of calmness; not to

mention the assiduity of Mr Kenwigs, who held a fat smelling bottle to his lady's nose, until it became

matter of some doubt whether the tears which coursed down her face were the result of feelings or SAL

The ladies, having expressed their sympathy, singly and separately, fell, according to custom, into a little

chorus of soothing expressions, among which, such condolences as 'Poor dear!''I should feel just the same,

if I was her''To be sure, it's a very trying thing'and 'Nobody but a mother knows what a mother's

feelings is,' were among the most prominent, and most frequently repeated. In short, the opinion of the

company was so clearly manifested, that Mr Kenwigs was on the point of repairing to Mr Noggs's room, to

demand an explanation, and had indeed swallowed a preparatory glass of punch, with great inflexibility and

steadiness of purpose, when the attention of all present was diverted by a new and terrible surprise.

This was nothing less than the sudden pouring forth of a rapid succession of the shrillest and most piercing

screams, from an upper story; and to all appearance from the very twopair back, in which the infant

Kenwigs was at that moment enshrined. They were no sooner audible, than Mrs Kenwigs, opining that a

strange cat had come in, and sucked the baby's breath while the girl was asleep, made for the door, wringing

her hands, and shrieking dismally; to the great consternation and confusion of the company.

'Mr Kenwigs, see what it is; make haste!' cried the sister, laying violent hands upon Mrs Kenwigs, and

holding her back by force. 'Oh don't twist about so, dear, or I can never hold you.'

'My baby, my blessed, blessed, blessed, blessed baby!' screamed Mrs Kenwigs, making every blessed louder

than the last. 'My own darling, sweet, innocent LillyvickOh let me go to him. Let me go ooo!'

Pending the utterance of these frantic cries, and the wails and lamentations of the four little girls, Mr Kenwigs

rushed upstairs to the room whence the sounds proceeded; at the door of which, he encountered Nicholas,

with the child in his arms, who darted out with such violence, that the anxious father was thrown down six

stairs, and alighted on the nearest landingplace, before he had found time to open his mouth to ask what was

'Don't be alarmed,' cried Nicholas, running down; 'here it is; it's all out, it's all over; pray compose yourselves;

there's no harm done;' and with these, and a thousand other assurances, he delivered the baby (whom, in his

hurry, he had carried upside down), to Mrs Kenwigs, and ran back to assist Mr Kenwigs, who was rubbing

Reassured by this cheering intelligence, the company in some degree recovered from their fears, which had

been productive of some most singular instances of a total want of presence of mind; thus, the bachelor friend

had, for a long time, supported in his arms Mrs Kenwigs's sister, instead of Mrs Kenwigs; and the worthy Mr

Lillyvick had been actually seen, in the perturbation of his spirits, to kiss Miss Petowker several times,

'It is a mere nothing,' said Nicholas, returning to Mrs Kenwigs; 'the little girl, who was watching the child,

'Oh you malicious little wretch!' cried Mrs Kenwigs, impressively shaking her forefinger at the small

unfortunate, who might be thirteen years old, and was looking on with a singed head and a frightened face.

'I heard her cries,' continued Nicholas, 'and ran down, in time to prevent her setting fire to anything else. You

may depend upon it that the child is not hurt; for I took it off the bed myself, and brought it here to convince

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This brief explanation over, the infant, who, as he was christened after the collector! rejoiced in the names of

Lillyvick Kenwigs, was partially suffocated under the caresses of the audience, and squeezed to his mother's

bosom, until he roared again. The attention of the company was then directed, by a natural transition, to the

little girl who had had the audacity to burn her hair off, and who, after receiving sundry small slaps and

pushes from the more energetic of the ladies, was mercifully sent home: the ninepence, with which she was to

'And whatever we are to say to you, sir,' exclaimed Mrs Kenwigs, addressing young Lillyvick's deliverer, 'I

'You need say nothing at all,' replied Nicholas. 'I have done nothing to found any very strong claim upon your

'He might have been burnt to death, if it hadn't been for you, sir,' simpered Miss Petowker.

'Not very likely, I think,' replied Nicholas; 'for there was abundance of assistance here, which must have

'You will let us drink your health, anyvays, sir!' said Mr Kenwigs motioning towards the table.

'In my absence, by all means,' rejoined Nicholas, with a smile. 'I have had a very fatiguing journey, and

should be most indifferent companya far greater check upon your merriment, than a promoter of it, even if

I kept awake, which I think very doubtful. If you will allow me, I'll return to my friend, Mr Noggs, who went

Excusing himself, in these terms, from joining in the festivities, Nicholas took a most winning farewell of

Mrs Kenwigs and the other ladies, and retired, after making a very extraordinary impression upon the

'Uncommon gentlemanly, really,' said Mr Kenwigs. 'Don't you think so, Mr Lillyvick?'

'Yes,' said the collector, with a dubious shrug of his shoulders, 'He is gentlemanly, very gentlemanlyin

'No, my dear,' replied the collector, 'no. I trust he may not turn outwellno mattermy love to you, my

'And I hope a worthy namesake,' observed Mr Kenwigs, willing to propitiate the collector. 'I hope a baby as

will never disgrace his godfather, and as may be considered, in arter years, of a piece with the Lillyvicks

whose name he bears. I do sayand Mrs Kenwigs is of the same sentiment, and feels it as strong as I

dothat I consider his being called Lillyvick one of the greatest blessings and Honours of my existence.'

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'THE greatest blessing,' said Mr Kenwigs, correcting himself. 'A blessing that I hope, one of these days, I

This was a politic stroke of the Kenwigses, because it made Mr Lillyvick the great head and fountain of the

baby's importance. The good gentleman felt the delicacy and dexterity of the touch, and at once proposed the

health of the gentleman, name unknown, who had signalised himself, that night, by his coolness and alacrity.

'Who, I don't mind saying,' observed Mr Lillyvick, as a great concession, 'is a goodlooking young man

'He certainly has,' added Miss Petowker. 'There's something in his appearance quitedear, dear, what's that

'Whydear me, how stupid I am,' replied Miss Petowker, hesitating. 'What do you call it, when Lords break

off doorknockers and beat policemen, and play at coaches with other people's money, and all that sort of

'Ah! aristocratic,' replied Miss Petowker; 'something very aristocratic about him, isn't there?'

The gentleman held their peace, and smiled at each other, as who should say, 'Well! there's no accounting for

tastes;' but the ladies resolved unanimously that Nicholas had an aristocratic air; and nobody caring to dispute

The punch being, by this time, drunk out, and the little Kenwigses (who had for some time previously held

their little eyes open with their little forefingers) becoming fractious, and requesting rather urgently to be put

to bed, the collector made a move by pulling out his watch, and acquainting the company that it was nigh two

o'clock; whereat some of the guests were surprised and others shocked, and hats and bonnets being groped for

under the tables, and in course of time found, their owners went away, after a vast deal of shaking of hands,

and many remarks how they had never spent such a delightful evening, and how they marvelled to find it so

late, expecting to have heard that it was halfpast ten at the very latest, and how they wished that Mr and Mrs

Kenwigs had a weddingday once a week, and how they wondered by what hidden agency Mrs Kenwigs

could possibly have managed so well; and a great deal more of the same kind. To all of which flattering

expressions, Mr and Mrs Kenwigs replied, by thanking every lady and gentleman, SERIATIM, for the favour

of their company, and hoping they might have enjoyed themselves only half as well as they said they had.

As to Nicholas, quite unconscious of the impression he had produced, he had long since fallen asleep, leaving

Mr Newman Noggs and Smike to empty the spirit bottle between them; and this office they performed with

such extreme goodwill, that Newman was equally at a loss to determine whether he himself was quite sober,

and whether he had ever seen any gentleman so heavily, drowsily, and completely intoxicated as his new

CHAPTER 16. Nicholas seeks to employ himself in a New Capacity, and being unsuccessful, accepts an engagement as Tutor in a Private Family 129

The first care of Nicholas, next morning, was, to look after some room in which, until better times dawned

upon him, he could contrive to exist, without trenching upon the hospitality of Newman Noggs, who would

have slept upon the stairs with pleasure, so that his young friend was accommodated.

The vacant apartment to which the bill in the parlour window bore reference, appeared, on inquiry, to be a

small backroom on the second floor, reclaimed from the leads, and overlooking a soot bespeckled prospect

of tiles and chimneypots. For the letting of this portion of the house from week to week, on reasonable

terms, the parlour lodger was empowered to treat; he being deputed by the landlord to dispose of the rooms as

they became vacant, and to keep a sharp lookout that the lodgers didn't run away. As a means of securing

the punctual discharge of which last service he was permitted to live rentfree, lest he should at any time be

Of this chamber, Nicholas became the tenant; and having hired a few common articles of furniture from a

neighbouring broker, and paid the first week's hire in advance, out of a small fund raised by the conversion of

some spare clothes into ready money, he sat himself down to ruminate upon his prospects, which, like the

prospect outside his window, were sufficiently confined and dingy. As they by no means improved on better

acquaintance, and as familiarity breeds contempt, he resolved to banish them from his thoughts by dint of

hard walking. So, taking up his hat, and leaving poor Smike to arrange and rearrange the room with as much

delight as if it had been the costliest palace, he betook himself to the streets, and mingled with the crowd

Although a man may lose a sense of his own importance when he is a mere unit among a busy throng, all

utterly regardless of him, it by no means follows that he can dispossess himself, with equal facility, of a very

strong sense of the importance and magnitude of his cares. The unhappy state of his own affairs was the one

idea which occupied the brain of Nicholas, walk as fast as he would; and when he tried to dislodge it by

speculating on the situation and prospects of the people who surrounded him, he caught himself, in a few

seconds, contrasting their condition with his own, and gliding almost imperceptibly back into his old train of

Occupied in these reflections, as he was making his way along one of the great public thoroughfares of

London, he chanced to raise his eyes to a blue board, whereon was inscribed, in characters of gold, 'General

Agency Office; for places and situations of all kinds inquire within.' It was a shopfront, fitted up with a

gauze blind and an inner door; and in the window hung a long and tempting array of written placards,

Nicholas halted, instinctively, before this temple of promise, and ran his eye over the capitaltext openings in

life which were so profusely displayed. When he had completed his survey he walked on a little way, and

then back, and then on again; at length, after pausing irresolutely several times before the door of the General

He found himself in a little floorclothed room, with a high desk railed off in one corner, behind which sat a

lean youth with cunning eyes and a protruding chin, whose performances in capitaltext darkened the

window. He had a thick ledger lying open before him, and with the fingers of his right hand inserted between

the leaves, and his eyes fixed on a very fat old lady in a mobcapevidently the proprietress of the

establishmentwho was airing herself at the fire, seemed to be only waiting her directions to refer to some

As there was a board outside, which acquainted the public that servantsofallwork were perpetually in

waiting to be hired from ten till four, Nicholas knew at once that some halfdozen strong young women, each

with pattens and an umbrella, who were sitting upon a form in one corner, were in attendance for that

purpose: especially as the poor things looked anxious and weary. He was not quite so certain of the callings

CHAPTER 16. Nicholas seeks to employ himself in a New Capacity, and being unsuccessful, accepts an engagement as Tutor in a Private Family 130

and stations of two smart young ladies who were in conversation with the fat lady before the fire,

untilhaving sat himself down in a corner, and remarked that he would wait until the other customers had

been servedthe fat lady resumed the dialogue which his entrance had interrupted.

'Pick out very light ones, if you please, young man,' interposed a genteel female, in shepherd'splaid boots,

'"Mrs Marker,"' said Tom, reading, '"Russell Place, Russell Square; offers eighteen guineas; tea and sugar

found. Two in family, and see very little company. Five servants kept. No man. No followers."'

'Oh Lor!' tittered the client. 'THAT won't do. Read another, young man, will you?'

'"Mrs Wrymug,"' said Tom, '"Pleasant Place, Finsbury. Wages, twelve guineas. No tea, no sugar. Serious

'Three serious footmen,' replied Tom. '"Cook, housemaid, and nursemaid; each female servant required to

join the Little Bethel Congregation three times every Sundaywith a serious footman. If the cook is more

serious than the footman, she will be expected to improve the footman; if the footman is more serious than

'I'll take the address of that place,' said the client; 'I don't know but what it mightn't suit me pretty well.'

'Here's another,' remarked Tom, turning over the leaves. '"Family of Mr Gallanbile, MP. Fifteen guineas, tea

and sugar, and servants allowed to see male cousins, if godly. Note. Cold dinner in the kitchen on the

Sabbath, Mr Gallanbile being devoted to the Observance question. No victuals whatever cooked on the Lord's

Day, with the exception of dinner for Mr and Mrs Gallanbile, which, being a work of piety and necessity, is

exempted. Mr Gallanbile dines late on the day of rest, in order to prevent the sinfulness of the cook's dressing

'I don't think that'll answer as well as the other,' said the client, after a little whispering with her friend. 'I'll

take the other direction, if you please, young man. I can but come back again, if it don't do.'

Tom made out the address, as requested, and the genteel client, having satisfied the fat lady with a small fee,

As Nicholas opened his mouth, to request the young man to turn to letter S, and let him know what

secretaryships remained undisposed of, there came into the office an applicant, in whose favour he

CHAPTER 16. Nicholas seeks to employ himself in a New Capacity, and being unsuccessful, accepts an engagement as Tutor in a Private Family 131

This was a young lady who could be scarcely eighteen, of very slight and delicate figure, but exquisitely

shaped, who, walking timidly up to the desk, made an inquiry, in a very low tone of voice, relative to some

situation as governess, or companion to a lady. She raised her veil, for an instant, while she preferred the

inquiry, and disclosed a countenance of most uncommon beauty, though shaded by a cloud of sadness, which,

in one so young, was doubly remarkable. Having received a card of reference to some person on the books,

She was neatly, but very quietly attired; so much so, indeed, that it seemed as though her dress, if it had been

worn by one who imparted fewer graces of her own to it, might have looked poor and shabby. Her

attendantfor she had onewas a redfaced, round eyed, slovenly girl, who, from a certain roughness

about the bare arms that peeped from under her draggled shawl, and the halfwashed out traces of smut and

blacklead which tattooed her countenance, was clearly of a kin with the servantsofallwork on the form:

between whom and herself there had passed various grins and glances, indicative of the freemasonry of the

This girl followed her mistress; and, before Nicholas had recovered from the first effects of his surprise and

admiration, the young lady was gone. It is not a matter of such complete and utter improbability as some

sober people may think, that he would have followed them out, had he not been restrained by what passed

'She'll have a nice life of it, if she goes there,' observed the fat lady, taking a pinch of snuff from a tin box.

Tom made no other reply than thrusting his tongue into his cheek, and pointing the feather of his pen towards

Nicholasreminders which elicited from the fat lady an inquiry, of 'Now, sir, what can we do for YOU?'

Nicholas briefly replied, that he wanted to know whether there was any such post to be had, as secretary or

'I should think so,' answered that young gentleman; and as he said it, he winked towards Nicholas, with a

degree of familiarity which he, no doubt, intended for a rather flattering compliment, but with which Nicholas

Upon reference to the book, it appeared that the dozen secretaryships had dwindled down to one. Mr

Gregsbury, the great member of parliament, of Manchester Buildings, Westminster, wanted a young man, to

keep his papers and correspondence in order; and Nicholas was exactly the sort of young man that Mr

'I don't know what the terms are, as he said he'd settle them himself with the party,' observed the fat lady; 'but

Inexperienced as he was, Nicholas did not feel quite assured of the force of this reasoning, or the justice of

CHAPTER 16. Nicholas seeks to employ himself in a New Capacity, and being unsuccessful, accepts an engagement as Tutor in a Private Family 132

this conclusion; but without troubling himself to question it, he took down the address, and resolved to wait

'I don't know what the number is,' said Tom; 'but Manchester Buildings isn't a large place; and if the worst

comes to the worst it won't take you very long to knock at all the doors on both sides of the way till you find

'Oh yes. I knowwhat gal, eh?' whispered Tom, shutting one eye, and cocking his chin in the air. 'You didn't

see her, you didn'tI say, don't you wish you was me, when she comes tomorrow morning?'

Nicholas looked at the ugly clerk, as if he had a mind to reward his admiration of the young lady by beating

the ledger about his ears, but he refrained, and strode haughtily out of the office; setting at defiance, in his

indignation, those ancient laws of chivalry, which not only made it proper and lawful for all good knights to

hear the praise of the ladies to whom they were devoted, but rendered it incumbent upon them to roam about

the world, and knock at head all such matteroffact and unpoetical characters, as declined to exalt, above

all the earth, damsels whom they had never chanced to look upon or hear ofas if that were any excuse!

Thinking no longer of his own misfortunes, but wondering what could be those of the beautiful girl he had

seen, Nicholas, with many wrong turns, and many inquiries, and almost as many misdirections, bent his steps

Within the precincts of the ancient city of Westminster, and within half a quarter of a mile of its ancient

sanctuary, is a narrow and dirty region, the sanctuary of the smaller members of Parliament in modern days.

It is all comprised in one street of gloomy lodging houses, from whose windows, in vacationtime, there

frown long melancholy rows of bills, which say, as plainly as did the countenances of their occupiers, ranged

on ministerial and opposition benches in the session which slumbers with its fathers, 'To Let', 'To Let'. In

busier periods of the year these bills disappear, and the houses swarm with legislators. There are legislators in

the parlours, in the first floor, in the second, in the third, in the garrets; the small apartments reek with the

breath of deputations and delegates. In damp weather, the place is rendered close, by the steams of moist acts

of parliament and frouzy petitions; general postmen grow faint as they enter its infected limits, and shabby

figures in quest of franks, flit restlessly to and fro like the troubled ghosts of Complete Letterwriters

departed. This is Manchester Buildings; and here, at all hours of the night, may be heard the rattling of

latchkeys in their respective keyholes: with now and thenwhen a gust of wind sweeping across the water

which washes the Buildings' feet, impels the sound towards its entrancethe weak, shrill voice of some

young member practising tomorrow's speech. All the livelong day, there is a grinding of organs and clashing

and clanging of little boxes of music; for Manchester Buildings is an eelpot, which has no outlet but its

awkward moutha casebottle which has no thoroughfare, and a short and narrow neckand in this respect

it may be typical of the fate of some few among its more adventurous residents, who, after wriggling

themselves into Parliament by violent efforts and contortions, find that it, too, is no thoroughfare for them;

that, like Manchester Buildings, it leads to nothing beyond itself; and that they are fain at last to back out, no

Into Manchester Buildings Nicholas turned, with the address of the great Mr Gregsbury in his hand. As there

was a stream of people pouring into a shabby house not far from the entrance, he waited until they had made

their way in, and then making up to the servant, ventured to inquire if he knew where Mr Gregsbury lived.

The servant was a very pale, shabby boy, who looked as if he had slept underground from his infancy, as very

likely he had. 'Mr Gregsbury?' said he; 'Mr Gregsbury lodges here. It's all right. Come in!'

CHAPTER 16. Nicholas seeks to employ himself in a New Capacity, and being unsuccessful, accepts an engagement as Tutor in a Private Family 133

Nicholas thought he might as well get in while he could, so in he walked; and he had no sooner done so, than

This was odd enough: but what was more embarrassing was, that all along the passage, and all along the

narrow stairs, blocking up the window, and making the dark entry darker still, was a confused crowd of

persons with great importance depicted in their looks; who were, to all appearance, waiting in silent

expectation of some coming event. From time to time, one man would whisper his neighbour, or a little group

would whisper together, and then the whisperers would nod fiercely to each other, or give their heads a

relentless shake, as if they were bent upon doing something very desperate, and were determined not to be

As a few minutes elapsed without anything occurring to explain this phenomenon, and as he felt his own

position a peculiarly uncomfortable one, Nicholas was on the point of seeking some information from the

man next him, when a sudden move was visible on the stairs, and a voice was heard to cry, 'Now, gentleman,

So far from walking up, the gentlemen on the stairs began to walk down with great alacrity, and to entreat,

with extraordinary politeness, that the gentlemen nearest the street would go first; the gentlemen nearest the

street retorted, with equal courtesy, that they couldn't think of such a thing on any account; but they did it,

without thinking of it, inasmuch as the other gentlemen pressing some halfdozen (among whom was

Nicholas) forward, and closing up behind, pushed them, not merely up the stairs, but into the very

sittingroom of Mr Gregsbury, which they were thus compelled to enter with most unseemly precipitation,

and without the means of retreat; the press behind them, more than filling the apartment.

For a gentleman who was rejoiced to see a body of visitors, Mr Gregsbury looked as uncomfortable as might

be; but perhaps this was occasioned by senatorial gravity, and a statesmanlike habit of keeping his feelings

under control. He was a tough, burly, thick headed gentleman, with a loud voice, a pompous manner, a

tolerable command of sentences with no meaning in them, and, in short, every requisite for a very good

'Now, gentlemen,' said Mr Gregsbury, tossing a great bundle of papers into a wicker basket at his feet, and

throwing himself back in his chair with his arms over the elbows, 'you are dissatisfied with my conduct, I see

'Yes, Mr Gregsbury, we are,' said a plump old gentleman in a violent heat, bursting out of the throng, and

'Do my eyes deceive me,' said Mr Gregsbury, looking towards the speaker, 'or is that my old friend

'Give me your hand, my worthy friend,' said Mr Gregsbury. 'Pugstyles, my dear friend, I am very sorry to see

'I am very sorry to be here, sir,' said Mr Pugstyles; 'but your conduct, Mr Gregsbury, has rendered this

'My conduct, Pugstyles,' said Mr Gregsbury, looking round upon the deputation with gracious

CHAPTER 16. Nicholas seeks to employ himself in a New Capacity, and being unsuccessful, accepts an engagement as Tutor in a Private Family 134

magnanimity'my conduct has been, and ever will be, regulated by a sincere regard for the true and real

interests of this great and happy country. Whether I look at home, or abroad; whether I behold the peaceful

industrious communities of our island home: her rivers covered with steamboats, her roads with locomotives,

her streets with cabs, her skies with balloons of a power and magnitude hitherto unknown in the history of

aeronautics in this or any other nationI say, whether I look merely at home, or, stretching my eyes farther,

contemplate the boundless prospect of conquest and possessionachieved by British perseverance and

British valourwhich is outspread before me, I clasp my hands, and turning my eyes to the broad expanse

The time had been, when this burst of enthusiasm would have been cheered to the very echo; but now, the

deputation received it with chilling coldness. The general impression seemed to be, that as an explanation of

Mr Gregsbury's political conduct, it did not enter quite enough into detail; and one gentleman in the rear did

not scruple to remark aloud, that, for his purpose, it savoured rather too much of a 'gammon' tendency.

'The meaning of that termgammon,' said Mr Gregsbury, 'is unknown to me. If it means that I grow a little

too fervid, or perhaps even hyperbolical, in extolling my native land, I admit the full justice of the remark. I

AM proud of this free and happy country. My form dilates, my eye glistens, my breast heaves, my heart

'If you please, gentlemen; my time is yoursand my country'sand my country's' said Mr Gregsbury.

This permission being conceded, Mr Pugstyles put on his spectacles, and referred to a written paper which he

drew from his pocket; whereupon nearly every other member of the deputation pulled a written paper from

'Question number one.Whether, sir, you did not give a voluntary pledge previous to your election, that in

event of your being returned, you would immediately put down the practice of coughing and groaning in the

House of Commons. And whether you did not submit to be coughed and groaned down in the very first

debate of the session, and have since made no effort to effect a reform in this respect? Whether you did not

also pledge yourself to astonish the government, and make them shrink in their shoes? And whether you have

'Have you any explanation to offer with reference to that question, sir?' asked Mr Pugstyles.

The members of the deputation looked fiercely at each other, and afterwards at the member. 'Dear Pugstyles'

having taken a very long stare at Mr Gregsbury over the tops of his spectacles, resumed his list of inquiries.

'Question number two.Whether, sir, you did not likewise give a voluntary pledge that you would support

your colleague on every occasion; and whether you did not, the night before last, desert him and vote upon

the other side, because the wife of a leader on that other side had invited Mrs Gregsbury to an evening party?'

CHAPTER 16. Nicholas seeks to employ himself in a New Capacity, and being unsuccessful, accepts an engagement as Tutor in a Private Family 135

'Nothing whatever,' replied Mr Gregsbury. The deputation, who had only seen him at canvassing or election

time, were struck dumb by his coolness. He didn't appear like the same man; then he was all milk and honey;

'Question number threeand last,' said Mr Pugstyles, emphatically. 'Whether, sir, you did not state upon the

hustings, that it was your firm and determined intention to oppose everything proposed; to divide the house

upon every question, to move for returns on every subject, to place a motion on the books every day, and, in

short, in your own memorable words, to play the very devil with everything and everybody?' With this

comprehensive inquiry, Mr Pugstyles folded up his list of questions, as did all his backers.

Mr Gregsbury reflected, blew his nose, threw himself further back in his chair, came forward again, leaning

his elbows on the table, made a triangle with his two thumbs and his two forefingers, and tapping his nose

At this unexpected answer, a hoarse murmur arose from the deputation; and the same gentleman who had

expressed an opinion relative to the gammoning nature of the introductory speech, again made a

monosyllabic demonstration, by growling out 'Resign!' Which growl being taken up by his fellows, swelled

'I am requested, sir, to express a hope,' said Mr Pugstyles, with a distant bow, 'that on receiving a requisition

to that effect from a great majority of your constituents, you will not object at once to resign your seat in

To this, Mr Gregsbury read the following reply, which, anticipating the request, he had composed in the form

'Next to the welfare of our beloved islandthis great and free and happy country, whose powers and

resources are, I sincerely believe, illimitableI value that noble independence which is an Englishman's

proudest boast, and which I fondly hope to bequeath to my children, untarnished and unsullied. Actuated by

no personal motives, but moved only by high and great constitutional considerations; which I will not attempt

to explain, for they are really beneath the comprehension of those who have not made themselves masters, as

I have, of the intricate and arduous study of politics; I would rather keep my seat, and intend doing so.

'Will you do me the favour to present my compliments to the constituent body, and acquaint them with this

'Heaven bless you!' said Mr Gregsbury. And the deputation, with many growls and scowls, filed off as

CHAPTER 16. Nicholas seeks to employ himself in a New Capacity, and being unsuccessful, accepts an engagement as Tutor in a Private Family 136

The last man being gone, Mr Gregsbury rubbed his hands and chuckled, as merry fellows will, when they

think they have said or done a more than commonly good thing; he was so engrossed in this self

congratulation, that he did not observe that Nicholas had been left behind in the shadow of the

windowcurtains, until that young gentleman, fearing he might otherwise overhear some soliloquy intended

'What do you do here, sir?' asked Mr Gregsbury; 'a spy upon my privacy! A concealed voter! You have heard

'Then how came you here, sir?' was the natural inquiry of Mr Gregsbury, MP. 'And where the devil have you

'I brought this card from the General Agency Office, sir,' said Nicholas, 'wishing to offer myself as your

'That's all you have come for, is it?' said Mr Gregsbury, eyeing him in some doubt.

'You have no connection with any of those rascally papers have you?' said Mr Gregsbury. 'You didn't get into

'I have no connection, I am sorry to say, with anything at present,' rejoined Nicholas,politely enough, but

Nicholas took a chair, and Mr Gregsbury stared at him for a long time, as if to make certain, before he asked

'I suppose,' replied Nicholas, smiling, 'that I can do what usually falls to the lot of other secretaries.'

CHAPTER 16. Nicholas seeks to employ himself in a New Capacity, and being unsuccessful, accepts an engagement as Tutor in a Private Family 137

'Ah! What is it?' retorted the member, looking shrewdly at him, with his head on one side.

'A secretary's duties are rather difficult to define, perhaps,' said Nicholas, considering. 'They include, I

'Occasionally, perhaps, the writing from your dictation; and possibly, sir,' said Nicholas, with a halfsmile,

'the copying of your speech for some public journal, when you have made one of more than usual

'Really,' said Nicholas, after a moment's reflection, 'I am not able, at this instant, to recapitulate any other

duty of a secretary, beyond the general one of making himself as agreeable and useful to his employer as he

can, consistently with his own respectability, and without overstepping that line of duties which he

undertakes to perform, and which the designation of his office is usually understood to imply.'

Mr Gregsbury looked fixedly at Nicholas for a short time, and then glancing warily round the room, said in a

'This is all very well, Mr Nickleby, and very proper, so far as it goesso far as it goes, but it doesn't go far

enough. There are other duties, Mr Nickleby, which a secretary to a parliamentary gentleman must never lose

'My meaning, sir, is perfectly plain,' replied Mr Gregsbury with a solemn aspect. 'My secretary would have to

make himself master of the foreign policy of the world, as it is mirrored in the newspapers; to run his eye

over all accounts of public meetings, all leading articles, and accounts of the proceedings of public bodies;

and to make notes of anything which it appeared to him might be made a point of, in any little speech upon

the question of some petition lying on the table, or anything of that kind. Do you understand?'

'Then,' said Mr Gregsbury, 'it would be necessary for him to make himself acquainted, from day to day, with

newspaper paragraphs on passing events; such as "Mysterious disappearance, and supposed suicide of a

potboy," or anything of that sort, upon which I might found a question to the Secretary of State for the Home

Department. Then, he would have to copy the question, and as much as I remembered of the answer

CHAPTER 16. Nicholas seeks to employ himself in a New Capacity, and being unsuccessful, accepts an engagement as Tutor in a Private Family 138

(including a little compliment about independence and good sense); and to send the manuscript in a frank to

the local paper, with perhaps halfadozen lines of leader, to the effect, that I was always to be found in my

place in parliament, and never shrunk from the responsible and arduous duties, and so forth. You see?'

'Besides which,' continued Mr Gregsbury, 'I should expect him, now and then, to go through a few figures in

the printed tables, and to pick out a few results, so that I might come out pretty well on timber duty questions,

and finance questions, and so on; and I should like him to get up a few little arguments about the disastrous

effects of a return to cash payments and a metallic currency, with a touch now and then about the exportation

of bullion, and the Emperor of Russia, and bank notes, and all that kind of thing, which it's only necessary to

'With regard to such questions as are not political,' continued Mr Gregsbury, warming; 'and which one can't

be expected to care a curse about, beyond the natural care of not allowing inferior people to be as well off as

ourselveselse where are our privileges?I should wish my secretary to get together a few little flourishing

speeches, of a patriotic cast. For instance, if any preposterous bill were brought forward, for giving poor

grubbing devils of authors a right to their own property, I should like to say, that I for one would never

consent to opposing an insurmountable bar to the diffusion of literature among THE PEOPLE,you

understand?that the creations of the pocket, being man's, might belong to one man, or one family; but that

the creations of the brain, being God's, ought as a matter of course to belong to the people at largeand if I

was pleasantly disposed, I should like to make a joke about posterity, and say that those who wrote for

posterity should be content to be rewarded by the approbation OF posterity; it might take with the house, and

could never do me any harm, because posterity can't be expected to know anything about me or my jokes

'You must always bear in mind, in such cases as this, where our interests are not affected,' said Mr Gregsbury,

'to put it very strong about the people, because it comes out very well at election time; and you could be as

funny as you liked about the authors; because I believe the greater part of them live in lodgings, and are not

voters. This is a hasty outline of the chief things you'd have to do, except waiting in the lobby every night, in

case I forgot anything, and should want fresh cramming; and, now and then, during great debates, sitting in

the front row of the gallery, and saying to the people about'You see that gentleman, with his hand to his

face, and his arm twisted round the pillarthat's Mr Gregsburythe celebrated Mr Gregsbury,'with any

other little eulogium that might strike you at the moment. And for salary,' said Mr Gregsbury, winding up

with great rapidity; for he was out of breath'and for salary, I don't mind saying at once in round numbers,

to prevent any dissatisfactionthough it's more than I've been accustomed to give fifteen shillings a week,

With this handsome offer, Mr Gregsbury once more threw himself back in his chair, and looked like a man

who had been most profligately liberal, but is determined not to repent of it notwithstanding.

'Not much! Fifteen shillings a week not much, young man?' cried Mr Gregsbury. 'Fifteen shillings a'

'Pray do not suppose that I quarrel with the sum, sir,' replied Nicholas; 'for I am not ashamed to confess, that

whatever it may be in itself, to me it is a great deal. But the duties and responsibilities make the recompense

CHAPTER 16. Nicholas seeks to employ himself in a New Capacity, and being unsuccessful, accepts an engagement as Tutor in a Private Family 139

'Do you decline to undertake them, sir?' inquired Mr Gregsbury, with his hand on the bellrope.

'I fear they are too great for my powers, however good my will may be, sir,' replied Nicholas.

'That is as much as to say that you had rather not accept the place, and that you consider fifteen shillings a

'I am sorry you have,' rejoined Mr Gregsbury, turning his back upon him. 'Door, Matthews!'

The boy beckoned Nicholas, and tumbling lazily downstairs before him, opened the door, and ushered him

Smike had scraped a meal together from the remnant of last night's supper, and was anxiously awaiting his

return. The occurrences of the morning had not improved Nicholas's appetite, and, by him, the dinner

remained untasted. He was sitting in a thoughtful attitude, with the plate which the poor fellow had

assiduously filled with the choicest morsels, untouched, by his side, when Newman Noggs looked into the

'Yes,' replied Nicholas, 'tired to death: and, what is worse, might have remained at home for all the good I

'Maybe so, but I am sanguine, and did expect,' said Nicholas, 'and am proportionately disappointed.' Saying

'If I could do anything,' said Nicholas, 'anything, however slight, until Ralph Nickleby returns, and I have

eased my mind by confronting him, I should feel happier. I should think it no disgrace to work, Heaven

'I don't know,' said Newman; 'small things offerthey would pay the rent, and morebut you wouldn't like

'What could I hardly be expected to undergo?' asked Nicholas, raising his eyes. 'Show me, in this wide waste

of London, any honest means by which I could even defray the weekly hire of this poor room, and see if I

shrink from resorting to them! Undergo! I have undergone too much, my friend, to feel pride or

squeamishness now. Except' added Nicholas hastily, after a short silence, 'except such squeamishness as is

CHAPTER 16. Nicholas seeks to employ himself in a New Capacity, and being unsuccessful, accepts an engagement as Tutor in a Private Family 140

common honesty, and so much pride as constitutes selfrespect. I see little to choose, between assistant to a

brutal pedagogue, and toadeater to a mean and ignorant upstart, be he member or no member.'

'I hardly know whether I should tell you what I heard this morning, or not,' said Newman.

'Then in Heaven's name, my good friend, tell it me,' said Nicholas. 'For God's sake consider my deplorable

condition; and, while I promise to take no step without taking counsel with you, give me, at least, a vote in

Moved by this entreaty, Newman stammered forth a variety of most unaccountable and entangled sentences,

the upshot of which was, that Mrs Kenwigs had examined him, at great length that morning, touching the

origin of his acquaintance with, and the whole life, adventures, and pedigree of, Nicholas; that Newman had

parried these questions as long as he could, but being, at length, hard pressed and driven into a corner, had

gone so far as to admit, that Nicholas was a tutor of great accomplishments, involved in some misfortunes

which he was not at liberty to explain, and bearing the name of Johnson. That Mrs Kenwigs, impelled by

gratitude, or ambition, or maternal pride, or maternal love, or all four powerful motives conjointly, had taken

secret conference with Mr Kenwigs, and had finally returned to propose that Mr Johnson should instruct the

four Miss Kenwigses in the French language as spoken by natives, at the weekly stipend of five shillings,

current coin of the realm; being at the rate of one shilling per week, per each Miss Kenwigs, and one shilling

'Which, unless I am very much mistaken,' observed Mrs Kenwigs in making the proposition, 'will not be very

long; for such clever children, Mr Noggs, never were born into this world, I do believe.'

'There,' said Newman, 'that's all. It's beneath you, I know; but I thought that perhaps you might'

'Might!' cried Nicholas, with great alacrity; 'of course I shall. I accept the offer at once. Tell the worthy

mother so, without delay, my dear fellow; and that I am ready to begin whenever she pleases.'

Newman hastened, with joyful steps, to inform Mrs Kenwigs of his friend's acquiescence, and soon returning,

brought back word that they would be happy to see him in the first floor as soon as convenient; that Mrs

Kenwigs had, upon the instant, sent out to secure a secondhand French grammar and dialogues, which had

long been fluttering in the sixpenny box at the bookstall round the corner; and that the family, highly excited

at the prospect of this addition to their gentility, wished the initiatory lesson to come off immediately.

And here it may be observed, that Nicholas was not, in the ordinary sense of the word, a young man of high

spirit. He would resent an affront to himself, or interpose to redress a wrong offered to another, as boldly and

freely as any knight that ever set lance in rest; but he lacked that peculiar excess of coolness and great

minded selfishness, which invariably distinguish gentlemen of high spirit. In truth, for our own part, we are

disposed to look upon such gentleman as being rather incumbrances than otherwise in rising families:

happening to be acquainted with several whose spirit prevents their settling down to any grovelling

occupation, and only displays itself in a tendency to cultivate moustachios, and look fierce; and although

moustachios and ferocity are both very pretty things in their way, and very much to be commended, we

confess to a desire to see them bred at the owner's proper cost, rather than at the expense of lowspirited

Nicholas, therefore, not being a highspirited young man according to common parlance, and deeming it a

CHAPTER 16. Nicholas seeks to employ himself in a New Capacity, and being unsuccessful, accepts an engagement as Tutor in a Private Family 141

greater degradation to borrow, for the supply of his necessities, from Newman Noggs, than to teach French to

the little Kenwigses for five shillings a week, accepted the offer with the alacrity already described, and

Here, he was received by Mrs Kenwigs with a genteel air, kindly intended to assure him of her protection and

support; and here, too, he found Mr Lillyvick and Miss Petowker; the four Miss Kenwigses on their form of

audience; and the baby in a dwarf porter's chair with a deal tray before it, amusing himself with a toy horse

without a head; the said horse being composed of a small wooden cylinder, not unlike an Italian iron,

supported on four crooked pegs, and painted in ingenious resemblance of red wafers set in blacking.

'How do you do, sir?' said Mr Lillyvickrather sharply; for he had not known what Nicholas was, on the

previous night, and it was rather an aggravating circumstance if a tax collector had been too polite to a

'Mr Johnson is engaged as private master to the children, uncle,' said Mrs Kenwigs.

'But I hope,' said Mrs Kenwigs, drawing herself up, 'that that will not make them proud; but that they will

bless their own good fortune, which has born them superior to common people's children. Do you hear,

'And when you go out in the streets, or elsewhere, I desire that you don't boast of it to the other children,' said

Mrs Kenwigs; 'and that if you must say anything about it, you don't say no more than "We've got a private

master comes to teach us at home, but we ain't proud, because ma says it's sinful." Do you hear, Morleena?'

'Then mind you recollect, and do as I tell you,' said Mrs Kenwigs. 'Shall Mr Johnson begin, uncle?'

'I am ready to hear, if Mr Johnson is ready to commence, my dear,' said the collector, assuming the air of a

'Do you consider it a good language, sir?' said the collector; 'a pretty language, a sensible language?'

'A pretty language, certainly,' replied Nicholas; 'and as it has a name for everything, and admits of elegant

'I don't know,' said Mr Lillyvick, doubtfully. 'Do you call it a cheerful language, now?'

'Was it a dismal one in your time?' asked Nicholas, scarcely able to repress a smile.

CHAPTER 16. Nicholas seeks to employ himself in a New Capacity, and being unsuccessful, accepts an engagement as Tutor in a Private Family 142

'Very,' replied Mr Lillyvick, with some vehemence of manner. 'It's the war time that I speak of; the last war.

It may be a cheerful language. I should be sorry to contradict anybody; but I can only say that I've heard the

French prisoners, who were natives, and ought to know how to speak it, talking in such a dismal manner, that

it made one miserable to hear them. Ay, that I have, fifty times, sirfifty times!'

Mr Lillyvick was waxing so cross, that Mrs Kenwigs thought it expedient to motion to Nicholas not to say

anything; and it was not until Miss Petowker had practised several blandishments, to soften the excellent old

'Ah!' said Mr Lillyvick, shaking his head mournfully, 'I thought as much. Lo, eh? I don't think anything of

'Oh yes; they may begin, my dear,' replied the collector, discontentedly. 'I have no wish to prevent them.'

This permission being conceded, the four Miss Kenwigses sat in a row, with their tails all one way, and

Morleena at the top: while Nicholas, taking the book, began his preliminary explanations. Miss Petowker and

Mrs Kenwigs looked on, in silent admiration, broken only by the whispered assurances of the latter, that

Morleena would have it all by heart in no time; and Mr Lillyvick regarded the group with frowning and

attentive eyes, lying in wait for something upon which he could open a fresh discussion on the language.

It was with a heavy heart, and many sad forebodings which no effort could banish, that Kate Nickleby, on the

morning appointed for the commencement of her engagement with Madame Mantalini, left the city when its

clocks yet wanted a quarter of an hour of eight, and threaded her way alone, amid the noise and bustle of the

At this early hour many sickly girls, whose business, like that of the poor worm, is to produce, with patient

toil, the finery that bedecks the thoughtless and luxurious, traverse our streets, making towards the scene of

their daily labour, and catching, as if by stealth, in their hurried walk, the only gasp of wholesome air and

glimpse of sunlight which cheer their monotonous existence during the long train of hours that make a

working day. As she drew nigh to the more fashionable quarter of the town, Kate marked many of this class

as they passed by, hurrying like herself to their painful occupation, and saw, in their unhealthy looks and

feeble gait, but too clear an evidence that her misgivings were not wholly groundless.

She arrived at Madame Mantalini's some minutes before the appointed hour, and after walking a few times up

and down, in the hope that some other female might arrive and spare her the embarrassment of stating her

business to the servant, knocked timidly at the door: which, after some delay, was opened by the footman,

who had been putting on his striped jacket as he came upstairs, and was now intent on fastening his apron.

'Not often out at this time, miss,' replied the man in a tone which rendered "Miss," something more offensive

'Eh?' replied the man, holding the door in his hand, and honouring the inquirer with a stare and a broad grin,

'Oh! you should have rung the worker's bell,' said the footman, touching the handle of one in the doorpost.

'You're to walk upstairs then, please,' said the man. 'Madame Mantalini wants to see youthis waytake

Cautioning her, in these terms, not to trip over a heterogeneous litter of pastrycook's trays, lamps, waiters

full of glasses, and piles of rout seats which were strewn about the hall, plainly bespeaking a late party on the

previous night, the man led the way to the second story, and ushered Kate into a backroom, communicating

by foldingdoors with the apartment in which she had first seen the mistress of the establishment.

'If you'll wait here a minute,' said the man, 'I'll tell her presently.' Having made this promise with much

There was not much to amuse in the room; of which the most attractive feature was, a halflength portrait in

oil, of Mr Mantalini, whom the artist had depicted scratching his head in an easy manner, and thus displaying

to advantage a diamond ring, the gift of Madame Mantalini before her marriage. There was, however, the

sound of voices in conversation in the next room; and as the conversation was loud and the partition thin,

'If you will be odiously, demnebly, outrIgeously jealous, my soul,' said Mr Mantalini, 'you will be very

miserablehorrid miserable demnition miserable.' And then, there was a sound as though Mr Mantalini

'Then you are an ungrateful, unworthy, demd unthankful little fairy,' said Mr Mantalini.

'Do not put itself out of humour,' said Mr Mantalini, breaking an egg. 'It is a pretty, bewitching little demd

countenance, and it should not be out of humour, for it spoils its loveliness, and makes it cross and gloomy

'It shall be brought round in any way it likes best, and not brought round at all if it likes that better,' retorted

'Not so easy when one is eating a demnition egg,' replied Mr Mantalini; 'for the yolk runs down the waistcoat,

'You were flirting with her during the whole night,' said Madame Mantalini, apparently desirous to lead the

'Bless the little winking twinkling eye; was it on me all the time!' cried Mantalini, in a sort of lazy rapture.

'And I say once more,' resumed Madame, 'that you ought not to waltz with anybody but your own wife; and I

'She will not take poison and have horrid pains, will she?' said Mantalini; who, by the altered sound of his

voice, seemed to have moved his chair, and taken up his position nearer to his wife. 'She will not take poison,

because she had a demd fine husband who might have married two countesses and a dowager'

'Two!' cried Mantalini. 'Two demd fine women, real countesses and splendid fortunes, demmit.'

'Why didn't I!' replied her husband. 'Had I not seen, at a morning concert, the demdest little fascinator in all

the world, and while that little fascinator is my wife, may not all the countesses and dowagers in England

Mr Mantalini did not finish the sentence, but he gave Madame Mantalini a very loud kiss, which Madame

Mantalini returned; after which, there seemed to be some more kissing mixed up with the progress of the

'And what about the cash, my existence's jewel?' said Mantalini, when these endearments ceased. 'How much

'We must have some more,' said Mantalini; 'we must have some discount out of old Nickleby to carry on the

'My life and soul,' returned her husband, 'there is a horse for sale at Scrubbs's, which it would be a sin and a

'For actually nothing,' replied Mantalini. 'A hundred guineas down will buy him; mane, and crest, and legs,

and tail, all of the demdest beauty. I will ride him in the park before the very chariots of the rejected

countesses. The demd old dowager will faint with grief and rage; the other two will say "He is married, he

has made away with himself, it is a demd thing, it is all up!" They will hate each other demnebly, and wish

Madame Mantalini's prudence, if she had any, was not proof against these triumphal pictures; after a little

jingling of keys, she observed that she would see what her desk contained, and rising for that purpose, opened

'Dear me, child!' exclaimed Madame Mantalini, recoiling in surprise. 'How came you here?'

'I have been waiting, here some time, ma'am,' said Kate, addressing Madame Mantalini. 'The servant must

'You really must see to that man,' said Madame, turning to her husband. 'He forgets everything.'

'I will twist his demd nose off his countenance for leaving such a very pretty creature all alone by herself,'

'I don't forget you, my soul, and never shall, and never can,' said Mantalini, kissing his wife's hand, and

Appeased by this compliment, the lady of the business took some papers from her desk which she handed

over to Mr Mantalini, who received them with great delight. She then requested Kate to follow her, and after

several feints on the part of Mr Mantalini to attract the young lady's attention, they went away: leaving that

gentleman extended at full length on the sofa, with his heels in the air and a newspaper in his hand.

Madame Mantalini led the way down a flight of stairs, and through a passage, to a large room at the back of

the premises where were a number of young women employed in sewing, cutting out, making up, altering,

and various other processes known only to those who are cunning in the arts of millinery and dressmaking. It

On Madame Mantalini calling aloud for Miss Knag, a short, bustling, overdressed female, full of

importance, presented herself, and all the young ladies suspending their operations for the moment,

whispered to each other sundry criticisms upon the make and texture of Miss Nickleby's dress, her

complexion, cast of features, and personal appearance, with as much good breeding as could have been

'Oh, Miss Knag,' said Madame Mantalini, 'this is the young person I spoke to you about.'

Miss Knag bestowed a reverential smile upon Madame Mantalini, which she dexterously transformed into a

gracious one for Kate, and said that certainly, although it was a great deal of trouble to have young people

who were wholly unused to the business, still, she was sure the young person would try to do her

bestimpressed with which conviction she (Miss Knag) felt an interest in her, already.

'I think that, for the present at all events, it will be better for Miss Nickleby to come into the showroom with

you, and try things on for people,' said Madame Mantalini. 'She will not be able for the present to be of much

'Suit very well with mine, Madame Mantalini,' interrupted Miss Knag. 'So it will; and to be sure I might have

known that you would not be long in finding that out; for you have so much taste in all those matters, that

really, as I often say to the young ladies, I do not know how, when, or where, you possibly could have

acquired all you knowhemMiss Nickleby and I are quite a pair, Madame Mantalini, only I am a little

darker than Miss Nickleby, andhemI think my foot may be a little smaller. Miss Nickleby, I am sure,

will not be offended at my saying that, when she hears that our family always have been celebrated for small

feet ever sincehemever since our family had any feet at all, indeed, I think. I had an uncle once,

Madame Mantalini, who lived in Cheltenham, and had a most excellent business as a

tobacconisthemwho had such small feet, that they were no bigger than those which are usually joined to

wooden legs the most symmetrical feet, Madame Mantalini, that even you can imagine.'

'They must have had something of the appearance of club feet, Miss Knag,' said Madame.

'Well now, that is so like you,' returned Miss Knag, 'Ha! ha! ha! Of club feet! Oh very good! As I often

remark to the young ladies, "Well I must say, and I do not care who knows it, of all the ready

humourhemI ever heard anywhere"and I have heard a good deal; for when my dear brother was alive

(I kept house for him, Miss Nickleby), we had to supper once a week two or three young men, highly

celebrated in those days for their humour, Madame Mantalini "Of all the ready humour," I say to the

young ladies, "I ever heard, Madame Mantalini's is the most remarkablehem. It is so gentle, so sarcastic,

and yet so goodnatured (as I was observing to Miss Simmonds only this morning), that how, or when, or by

Here Miss Knag paused to take breath, and while she pauses it may be observednot that she was

marvellously loquacious and marvellously deferential to Madame Mantalini, since these are facts which

require no comment; but that every now and then, she was accustomed, in the torrent of her discourse, to

introduce a loud, shrill, clear 'hem!' the import and meaning of which, was variously interpreted by her

acquaintance; some holding that Miss Knag dealt in exaggeration, and introduced the monosyllable when any

fresh invention was in course of coinage in her brain; others, that when she wanted a word, she threw it in to

gain time, and prevent anybody else from striking into the conversation. It may be further remarked, that

Miss Knag still aimed at youth, although she had shot beyond it, years ago; and that she was weak and vain,

and one of those people who are best described by the axiom, that you may trust them as far as you can see

'You'll take care that Miss Nickleby understands her hours, and so forth,' said Madame Mantalini; 'and so I'll

Miss Knag of course replied, that to forget anything Madame Mantalini had directed, was a moral

impossibility; and that lady, dispensing a general goodmorning among her assistants, sailed away.

'Charming creature, isn't she, Miss Nickleby?' said Miss Knag, rubbing her hands together.

'No, my dear!' cried Miss Knag, elevating her hands. 'Why, goodness gracious mercy, where's your taste?

Such a fine tall, full whiskered dashing gentlemanly man, with such teeth and hair, and hemwell now,

'I dare say I am very foolish,' replied Kate, laying aside her bonnet; 'but as my opinion is of very little

importance to him or anyone else, I do not regret having formed it, and shall be slow to change it, I think.'

'Never saw them!' interposed Miss Knag. 'Oh, well! There it is at once you know; how can you possibly

pronounce an opinion about a gentlemanhemif you don't see him as he turns out altogether?'

There was so much of the worldeven of the little world of the country girlin this idea of the old milliner,

that Kate, who was anxious, for every reason, to change the subject, made no further remark, and left Miss

After a short silence, during which most of the young people made a closer inspection of Kate's appearance,

and compared notes respecting it, one of them offered to help her off with her shawl, and the offer being

Kate might have said, that mourning is sometimes the coldest wear which mortals can assume; that it not only

chills the breasts of those it clothes, but extending its influence to summer friends, freezes up their sources of

goodwill and kindness, and withering all the buds of promise they once so liberally put forth, leaves nothing

but bared and rotten hearts exposed. There are few who have lost a friend or relative constituting in life their

sole dependence, who have not keenly felt this chilling influence of their sable garb. She had felt it acutely,

'I am very sorry to have wounded you by my thoughtless speech,' said her companion. 'I did not think of it.

'Her father, eh?' said Miss Knag, without the slightest depression of her voice. 'Ah! A long illness, Miss

'Our misfortune was very sudden,' said Kate, turning away, 'or I might perhaps, at a time like this, be enabled

There had existed not a little desire in the room, according to invariable custom, when any new 'young

person' came, to know who Kate was, and what she was, and all about her; but, although it might have been

very naturally increased by her appearance and emotion, the knowledge that it pained her to be questioned,

was sufficient to repress even this curiosity; and Miss Knag, finding it hopeless to attempt extracting any

further particulars just then, reluctantly commanded silence, and bade the work proceed.

In silence, then, the tasks were plied until halfpast one, when a baked leg of mutton, with potatoes to

correspond, were served in the kitchen. The meal over, and the young ladies having enjoyed the additional

relaxation of washing their hands, the work began again, and was again performed in silence, until the noise

of carriages rattling through the streets, and of loud double knocks at doors, gave token that the day's work of

One of these double knocks at Madame Mantalini's door, announced the equipage of some great ladyor

rather rich one, for there is occasionally a distinction between riches and greatnesswho had come with her

daughter to approve of some courtdresses which had been a long time preparing, and upon whom Kate was

deputed to wait, accompanied by Miss Knag, and officered of course by Madame Mantalini.

Kate's part in the pageant was humble enough, her duties being limited to holding articles of costume until

Miss Knag was ready to try them on, and now and then tying a string, or fastening a hook andeye. She

might, not unreasonably, have supposed herself beneath the reach of any arrogance, or bad humour; but it

happened that the lady and daughter were both out of temper that day, and the poor girl came in for her share

of their revilings. She was awkwardher hands were colddirtycoarseshe could do nothing right;

they wondered how Madame Mantalini could have such people about her; requested they might see some

So common an occurrence would be hardly deserving of mention, but for its effect. Kate shed many bitter

tears when these people were gone, and felt, for the first time, humbled by her occupation. She had, it is true,

quailed at the prospect of drudgery and hard service; but she had felt no degradation in working for her bread,

until she found herself exposed to insolence and pride. Philosophy would have taught her that the degradation

was on the side of those who had sunk so low as to display such passions habitually, and without cause: but

she was too young for such consolation, and her honest feeling was hurt. May not the complaint, that

common people are above their station, often take its rise in the fact of UNcommon people being below

In such scenes and occupations the time wore on until nine o'clock, when Kate, jaded and dispirited with the

occurrences of the day, hastened from the confinement of the workroom, to join her mother at the street

corner, and walk home:the more sadly, from having to disguise her real feelings, and feign to participate in

'Bless my soul, Kate,' said Mrs Nickleby; 'I've been thinking all day what a delightful thing it would be for

Madame Mantalini to take you into partnershipsuch a likely thing too, you know! Why, your poor dear

papa's cousin's sisterinlawa Miss Browndockwas taken into partnership by a lady that kept a school

at Hammersmith, and made her fortune in no time at all. I forget, bythebye, whether that Miss Browndock

was the same lady that got the ten thousand pounds prize in the lottery, but I think she was; indeed, now I

come to think of it, I am sure she was. "Mantalini and Nickleby", how well it would sound!and if Nicholas

has any good fortune, you might have Doctor Nickleby, the headmaster of Westminster School, living in the

'Dear Nicholas!' cried Kate, taking from her reticule her brother's letter from Dotheboys Hall. 'In all our

misfortunes, how happy it makes me, mama, to hear he is doing well, and to find him writing in such good

spirits! It consoles me for all we may undergo, to think that he is comfortable and happy.'

Poor Kate! she little thought how weak her consolation was, and how soon she would be undeceived.

There are many lives of much pain, hardship, and suffering, which, having no stirring interest for any but

those who lead them, are disregarded by persons who do not want thought or feeling, but who pamper their

There are not a few among the disciples of charity who require, in their vocation, scarcely less excitement

than the votaries of pleasure in theirs; and hence it is that diseased sympathy and compassion are every day

expended on outoftheway objects, when only too many demands upon the legitimate exercise of the same

virtues in a healthy state, are constantly within the sight and hearing of the most unobservant person alive. In

short, charity must have its romance, as the novelist or playwright must have his. A thief in fustian is a vulgar

character, scarcely to be thought of by persons of refinement; but dress him in green velvet, with a

highcrowned hat, and change the scene of his operations, from a thicklypeopled city, to a mountain road,

and you shall find in him the very soul of poetry and adventure. So it is with the one great cardinal virtue,

which, properly nourished and exercised, leads to, if it does not necessarily include, all the others. It must

have its romance; and the less of real, hard, struggling workaday life there is in that romance, the better.

The life to which poor Kate Nickleby was devoted, in consequence of the unforeseen train of circumstances

already developed in this narrative, was a hard one; but lest the very dulness, unhealthy confinement, and

bodily fatigue, which made up its sum and substance, should deprive it of any interest with the mass of the

charitable and sympathetic, I would rather keep Miss Nickleby herself in view just now, than chill them in the

outset, by a minute and lengthened description of the establishment presided over by Madame Mantalini.

'Well, now, indeed, Madame Mantalini,' said Miss Knag, as Kate was taking her weary way homewards on

the first night of her novitiate; 'that Miss Nickleby is a very creditable young persona very creditable

young person indeedhemupon my word, Madame Mantalini, it does very extraordinary credit even to

your discrimination that you should have found such a very excellent, very wellbehaved, veryhemvery

unassuming young woman to assist in the fitting on. I have seen some young women when they had the

opportunity of displaying before their betters, behave in such aoh, dearwell but you're always right,

Madame Mantalini, always; and as I very often tell the young ladies, how you do contrive to be always right,

'Beyond putting a very excellent client out of humour, Miss Nickleby has not done anything very remarkable

'Oh, dear!' said Miss Knag; 'but you must allow a great deal for inexperience, you know.'

'Oh, I say nothing about that, Madame Mantalini,' replied Miss Knag, reddening; 'because if youth were any

CHAPTER 18. Miss Knag, after doting on Kate Nickleby for three whole Days, makes up her Mind to hate her for evermore. The Causes which led Miss Knag to form this Resolution 150

'Well, I never did know anybody like you, Madame Mantalini,' rejoined Miss Knag most complacently, 'and

that's the fact, for you know what one's going to say, before it has time to rise to one's lips. Oh, very good!

'For myself,' observed Madame Mantalini, glancing with affected carelessness at her assistant, and laughing

heartily in her sleeve, 'I consider Miss Nickleby the most awkward girl I ever saw in my life.'

'Poor dear thing,' said Miss Knag, 'it's not her fault. If it was, we might hope to cure it; but as it's her

misfortune, Madame Mantalini, why really you know, as the man said about the blind horse, we ought to

'Her uncle told me she had been considered pretty,' remarked Madame Mantalini. 'I think her one of the most

'Ordinary!' cried Miss Knag with a countenance beaming delight; 'and awkward! Well, all I can say is,

Madame Mantalini, that I quite love the poor girl; and that if she was twice as indifferent looking, and twice

as awkward as she is, I should be only so much the more her friend, and that's the truth of it.'

In fact, Miss Knag had conceived an incipient affection for Kate Nickleby, after witnessing her failure that

morning, and this short conversation with her superior increased the favourable prepossession to a most

surprising extent; which was the more remarkable, as when she first scanned that young lady's face and

figure, she had entertained certain inward misgivings that they would never agree.

'But now,' said Miss Knag, glancing at the reflection of herself in a mirror at no great distance, 'I love herI

Of such a highly disinterested quality was this devoted friendship, and so superior was it to the little

weaknesses of flattery or ill nature, that the kindhearted Miss Knag candidly informed Kate Nickleby, next

day, that she saw she would never do for the business, but that she need not give herself the slightest

uneasiness on this account, for that she (Miss Knag), by increased exertions on her own part, would keep her

as much as possible in the background, and that all she would have to do, would be to remain perfectly quiet

before company, and to shrink from attracting notice by every means in her power. This last suggestion was

so much in accordance with the timid girl's own feelings and wishes, that she readily promised implicit

reliance on the excellent spinster's advice: without questioning, or indeed bestowing a moment's reflection

'I take quite a lively interest in you, my dear soul, upon my word,' said Miss Knag; 'a sister's interest, actually.

Undoubtedly it was singular, that if Miss Knag did feel a strong interest in Kate Nickleby, it should not rather

have been the interest of a maiden aunt or grandmother; that being the conclusion to which the difference in

their respective ages would have naturally tended. But Miss Knag wore clothes of a very youthful pattern,

'Bless you!' said Miss Knag, bestowing a kiss upon Kate at the conclusion of the second day's work, 'how

'I fear your kind and open communication, which has rendered me more painfully conscious of my own

CHAPTER 18. Miss Knag, after doting on Kate Nickleby for three whole Days, makes up her Mind to hate her for evermore. The Causes which led Miss Knag to form this Resolution 151

'No, no, I dare say not,' rejoined Miss Knag, in a most uncommon flow of good humour. 'But how much

better that you should know it at first, and so be able to go on, straight and comfortable! Which way are you

'The city!' cried Miss Knag, regarding herself with great favour in the glass as she tied her bonnet. 'Goodness

'I couldn't have believed it possible that any young woman could have lived there, under any circumstances

'ReducedI should say poor people,' answered Kate, correcting herself hastily, for she was afraid of

'Ah! very true, so they must; very proper indeed!' rejoined Miss Knag with that sort of halfsigh, which,

accompanied by two or three slight nods of the head, is pity's small change in general society; 'and that's what

I very often tell my brother, when our servants go away ill, one after another, and he thinks the

backkitchen's rather too damp for 'em to sleep in. These sort of people, I tell him, are glad to sleep

anywhere! Heaven suits the back to the burden. What a nice thing it is to think that it should be so, isn't it?'

'I'll walk with you part of the way, my dear,' said Miss Knag, 'for you must go very near our house; and as it's

quite dark, and our last servant went to the hospital a week ago, with St Anthony's fire in her face, I shall be

Kate would willingly have excused herself from this flattering companionship; but Miss Knag having

adjusted her bonnet to her entire satisfaction, took her arm with an air which plainly showed how much she

felt the compliment she was conferring, and they were in the street before she could say another word.

'You needn't make the least apology, my dear,' said Miss Knag, smiling sweetly as she spoke; 'I dare say she

is a very respectable old person, and I shall be quitehemquite pleased to know her.'

As poor Mrs Nickleby was coolingnot her heels alone, but her limbs generally at the street corner, Kate

had no alternative but to make her known to Miss Knag, who, doing the last new carriage customer at

secondhand, acknowledged the introduction with condescending politeness. The three then walked away,

'I have taken such a fancy to your daughter, Mrs Nickleby, you can't think,' said Miss Knag, after she had

'I am delighted to hear it,' said Mrs Nickleby; 'though it is nothing new to me, that even strangers should like

CHAPTER 18. Miss Knag, after doting on Kate Nickleby for three whole Days, makes up her Mind to hate her for evermore. The Causes which led Miss Knag to form this Resolution 152

'You will like her better when you know how good she is,' said Mrs Nickleby. 'It is a great blessing to me, in

my misfortunes, to have a child, who knows neither pride nor vanity, and whose bringingup might very well

have excused a little of both at first. You don't know what it is to lose a husband, Miss Knag.'

As Miss Knag had never yet known what it was to gain one, it followed, very nearly as a matter of course,

that she didn't know what it was to lose one; so she said, in some haste, 'No, indeed I don't,' and said it with

an air intending to signify that she should like to catch herself marrying anybodyno, no, she knew better

'Kate has improved even in this little time, I have no doubt,' said Mrs Nickleby, glancing proudly at her

'That she will, I'll be bound,' replied Miss Knag, squeezing Kate's arm in her own, to point the joke.

'She always was clever,' said poor Mrs Nickleby, brightening up, 'always, from a baby. I recollect when she

was only two years and a half old, that a gentleman who used to visit very much at our house Mr Watkins,

you know, Kate, my dear, that your poor papa went bail for, who afterwards ran away to the United States,

and sent us a pair of snow shoes, with such an affectionate letter that it made your poor dear father cry for a

week. You remember the letter? In which he said that he was very sorry he couldn't repay the fifty pounds

just then, because his capital was all out at interest, and he was very busy making his fortune, but that he

didn't forget you were his goddaughter, and he should take it very unkind if we didn't buy you a silver coral

and put it down to his old account? Dear me, yes, my dear, how stupid you are! and spoke so affectionately of

the old port wine that he used to drink a bottle and a half of every time he came. You must remember, Kate?'

'Why, that Mr Watkins, my dear,' said Mrs Nickleby slowly, as if she were making a tremendous effort to

recollect something of paramount importance; 'that Mr Watkinshe wasn't any relation, Miss Knag will

understand, to the Watkins who kept the Old Boar in the village; by thebye, I don't remember whether it

was the Old Boar or the George the Third, but it was one of the two, I know, and it's much the samethat

Mr Watkins said, when you were only two years and a half old, that you were one of the most astonishing

children he ever saw. He did indeed, Miss Knag, and he wasn't at all fond of children, and couldn't have had

the slightest motive for doing it. I know it was he who said so, because I recollect, as well as if it was only

yesterday, his borrowing twenty pounds of her poor dear papa the very moment afterwards.'

Having quoted this extraordinary and most disinterested testimony to her daughter's excellence, Mrs Nickleby

stopped to breathe; and Miss Knag, finding that the discourse was turning upon family greatness, lost no time

'Don't talk of lending money, Mrs Nickleby,' said Miss Knag, 'or you'll drive me crazy, perfectly crazy. My

mamahemwas the most lovely and beautiful creature, with the most striking and exquisite hemthe

most exquisite nose that ever was put upon a human face, I do believe, Mrs Nickleby (here Miss Knag rubbed

her own nose sympathetically); the most delightful and accomplished woman, perhaps, that ever was seen;

but she had that one failing of lending money, and carried it to such an extent that she lenthemoh!

thousands of pounds, all our little fortunes, and what's more, Mrs Nickleby, I don't think, if we were to live

tilltillhemtill the very end of time, that we should ever get them back again. I don't indeed.'

CHAPTER 18. Miss Knag, after doting on Kate Nickleby for three whole Days, makes up her Mind to hate her for evermore. The Causes which led Miss Knag to form this Resolution 153

After concluding this effort of invention without being interrupted, Miss Knag fell into many more

recollections, no less interesting than true, the full tide of which, Mrs Nickleby in vain attempting to stem, at

length sailed smoothly down by adding an undercurrent of her own recollections; and so both ladies went on

talking together in perfect contentment; the only difference between them being, that whereas Miss Knag

addressed herself to Kate, and talked very loud, Mrs Nickleby kept on in one unbroken monotonous flow,

perfectly satisfied to be talking and caring very little whether anybody listened or not.

In this manner they walked on, very amicably, until they arrived at Miss Knag's brother's, who was an

ornamental stationer and small circulating library keeper, in a bystreet off Tottenham Court Road; and who

let out by the day, week, month, or year, the newest old novels, whereof the titles were displayed in

penandink characters on a sheet of pasteboard, swinging at his doorpost. As Miss Knag happened, at the

moment, to be in the middle of an account of her twentysecond offer from a gentleman of large property,

'Don't go away, Mortimer,' said Miss Knag as they entered the shop. 'It's only one of our young ladies and her

Having given utterance to these ejaculations with a very profound and thoughtful air, Mr Knag slowly

snuffed two kitchen candles on the counter, and two more in the window, and then snuffed himself from a

There was something very impressive in the ghostly air with which all this was done; and as Mr Knag was a

tall lank gentleman of solemn features, wearing spectacles, and garnished with much less hair than a

gentleman bordering on forty, or thereabouts, usually boasts, Mrs Nickleby whispered her daughter that she

Thomas was a boy nearly half as tall as a shutter, and the warehouse was a shop about the size of three

'Ah!' said Mr Knag once more, heaving a deep sigh as he restored to its parent shelf the book he had been

With another sigh Mr Knag took up the kitchen candles from the counter, and preceded the ladies with

mournful steps to a back parlour, where a charwoman, employed in the absence of the sick servant, and

remunerated with certain eighteenpences to be deducted from her wages due, was putting the supper out.

'Mrs Blockson,' said Miss Knag, reproachfully, 'how very often I have begged you not to come into the room

'I can't help it, Miss Knag,' said the charwoman, bridling up on the shortest notice. 'There's been a deal

o'cleaning to do in this house, and if you don't like it, I must trouble you to look out for somebody else, for it

'I don't want any remarks if YOU please,' said Miss Knag, with a strong emphasis on the personal pronoun.

'No there is not, indeed, Miss Knag,' replied the substitute; 'and so I won't tell you no stories about it.'

CHAPTER 18. Miss Knag, after doting on Kate Nickleby for three whole Days, makes up her Mind to hate her for evermore. The Causes which led Miss Knag to form this Resolution 154

'Because there arn't no coals left out, and if I could make coals I would, but as I can't I won't, and so I make

'Will you hold your tonguefemale?' said Mr Mortimer Knag, plunging violently into this dialogue.

'By your leave, Mr Knag,' retorted the charwoman, turning sharp round. 'I'm only too glad not to speak in this

house, excepting when and where I'm spoke to, sir; and with regard to being a female, sir, I should wish to

'A miserable wretch,' exclaimed Mr Knag, striking his forehead. 'A miserable wretch.'

'I'm very glad to find that you don't call yourself out of your name, sir,' said Mrs Blockson; 'and as I had two

twin children the day before yesterday was only seven weeks, and my little Charley fell down a airy and put

his elber out, last Monday, I shall take it as a favour if you'll send nine shillings, for one week's work, to my

With these parting words, the good woman quitted the room with great ease of manner, leaving the door wide

open; Mr Knag, at the same moment, flung himself into the 'warehouse,' and groaned aloud.

'What is the matter with that gentleman, pray?' inquired Mrs Nickleby, greatly disturbed by the sound.

'Hush!' replied Miss Knag; 'a most melancholy history. He was once most devotedly attached tohemto

'Yes,' continued Miss Knag, 'and received great encouragement too, and confidently hoped to marry her. He

has a most romantic heart, Mrs Nickleby, as indeedhemas indeed all our family have, and the

disappointment was a dreadful blow. He is a wonderfully accomplished manmost extraordinarily

accomplishedreadshem reads every novel that comes out; I mean every novel thathemthat has

any fashion in it, of course. The fact is, that he did find so much in the books he read, applicable to his own

misfortunes, and did find himself in every respect so much like the heroesbecause of course he is

conscious of his own superiority, as we all are, and very naturallythat he took to scorning everything, and

became a genius; and I am quite sure that he is, at this very present moment, writing another book.'

'Another book!' repeated Kate, finding that a pause was left for somebody to say something.

'Yes,' said Miss Knag, nodding in great triumph; 'another book, in three volumes post octavo. Of course it's a

great advantage to him, in all his little fashionable descriptions, to have the benefit of myhemof my

experience, because, of course, few authors who write about such things can have such opportunities of

knowing them as I have. He's so wrapped up in high life, that the least allusion to business or worldly

matterslike that woman just now, for instance quite distracts him; but, as I often say, I think his

disappointment a great thing for him, because if he hadn't been disappointed he couldn't have written about

blighted hopes and all that; and the fact is, if it hadn't happened as it has, I don't believe his genius would ever

How much more communicative Miss Knag might have become under more favourable circumstances, it is

CHAPTER 18. Miss Knag, after doting on Kate Nickleby for three whole Days, makes up her Mind to hate her for evermore. The Causes which led Miss Knag to form this Resolution 155

impossible to divine, but as the gloomy one was within earshot, and the fire wanted making up, her

disclosures stopped here. To judge from all appearances, and the difficulty of making the water warm, the last

servant could not have been much accustomed to any other fire than St Anthony's; but a little brandy and

water was made at last, and the guests, having been previously regaled with cold leg of mutton and bread and

cheese, soon afterwards took leave; Kate amusing herself, all the way home, with the recollection of her last

glimpse of Mr Mortimer Knag deeply abstracted in the shop; and Mrs Nickleby by debating within herself

whether the dressmaking firm would ultimately become 'Mantalini, Knag, and Nickleby', or 'Mantalini,

At this high point, Miss Knag's friendship remained for three whole days, much to the wonderment of

Madame Mantalini's young ladies who had never beheld such constancy in that quarter, before; but on the

It happened that an old lord of great family, who was going to marry a young lady of no family in particular,

came with the young lady, and the young lady's sister, to witness the ceremony of trying on two nuptial

bonnets which had been ordered the day before, and Madame Mantalini announcing the fact, in a shrill treble,

through the speakingpipe, which communicated with the workroom, Miss Knag darted hastily upstairs with

a bonnet in each hand, and presented herself in the showroom, in a charming state of palpitation, intended to

demonstrate her enthusiasm in the cause. The bonnets were no sooner fairly on, than Miss Knag and Madame

Now, the old lord, who was a VERY old lord, said nothing, but mumbled and chuckled in a state of great

delight, no less with the nuptial bonnets and their wearers, than with his own address in getting such a fine

woman for his wife; and the young lady, who was a very lively young lady, seeing the old lord in this

rapturous condition, chased the old lord behind a chevalglass, and then and there kissed him, while Madame

But, pending the salutation, Miss Knag, who was tinged with curiosity, stepped accidentally behind the glass,

and encountered the lively young lady's eye just at the very moment when she kissed the old lord; upon

which the young lady, in a pouting manner, murmured something about 'an old thing,' and 'great

impertinence,' and finished by darting a look of displeasure at Miss Knag, and smiling contemptuously.

'Of all things in the world, Madame Mantalini,' said the lord's intended, throwing herself languidly on a sofa,

'I hate being waited upon by frights or elderly persons. Let me always see that young creature, I beg,

'Everybody is talking about her,' said the young lady, in the same careless manner; 'and my lord, being a great

CHAPTER 18. Miss Knag, after doting on Kate Nickleby for three whole Days, makes up her Mind to hate her for evermore. The Causes which led Miss Knag to form this Resolution 156

'She IS universally admired,' replied Madame Mantalini. 'Miss Knag, send up Miss Nickleby. You needn't

'I beg your pardon, Madame Mantalini, what did you say last?' asked Miss Knag, trembling.

'You needn't return,' repeated the superior, sharply. Miss Knag vanished without another word, and in all

reasonable time was replaced by Kate, who took off the new bonnets and put on the old ones: blushing very

much to find that the old lord and the two young ladies were staring her out of countenance all the time.

'She is not quite so accustomed to her business, as she will be in a week or two,' interposed Madame

'I am afraid you have been giving her some of your wicked looks, my lord,' said the intended.

'No, no, no,' replied the old lord, 'no, no, I'm going to be married, and lead a new life. Ha, ha, ha! a new life, a

It was a satisfactory thing to hear that the old gentleman was going to lead a new life, for it was pretty evident

that his old one would not last him much longer. The mere exertion of protracted chuckling reduced him to a

fearful ebb of coughing and gasping; it was some minutes before he could find breath to remark that the girl

'I hope you don't think good looks a disqualification for the business, my lord,' said Madame Mantalini,

'You naughty creature,' said the lively lady, poking the peer with her parasol; 'I won't have you talk so. How

This playful inquiry was accompanied with another poke, and another, and then the old lord caught the

parasol, and wouldn't give it up again, which induced the other lady to come to the rescue, and some very

'You will see that those little alterations are made, Madame Mantalini,' said the lady. 'Nay, you bad man, you

positively shall go first; I wouldn't leave you behind with that pretty girl, not for half a second. I know you

The old lord, evidently much flattered by this suspicion, bestowed a grotesque leer upon Kate as he passed;

and, receiving another tap with the parasol for his wickedness, tottered downstairs to the door, where his

'Foh!' said Madame Mantalini, 'how he ever gets into a carriage without thinking of a hearse, I can't think.

Kate, who had remained during the whole scene with her eyes modestly fixed upon the ground, was only too

happy to avail herself of the permission to retire, and hasten joyfully downstairs to Miss Knag's dominion.

CHAPTER 18. Miss Knag, after doting on Kate Nickleby for three whole Days, makes up her Mind to hate her for evermore. The Causes which led Miss Knag to form this Resolution 157

The circumstances of the little kingdom had greatly changed, however, during the short period of her

absence. In place of Miss Knag being stationed in her accustomed seat, preserving all the dignity and

greatness of Madame Mantalini's representative, that worthy soul was reposing on a large box, bathed in

tears, while three or four of the young ladies in close attendance upon her, together with the presence of

hartshorn, vinegar, and other restoratives, would have borne ample testimony, even without the derangement

This inquiry produced in Miss Knag violent symptoms of a relapse; and several young ladies, darting angry

'What is a shame?' demanded Kate. 'What is the matter? What has happened? tell me.'

'Matter!' cried Miss Knag, coming, all at once, bolt upright, to the great consternation of the assembled

'Gracious!' cried Kate, almost paralysed by the violence with which the adjective had been jerked out from

'YOU offended me!' retorted Miss Knag, 'YOU! a chit, a child, an upstart nobody! Oh, indeed! Ha, ha!'

Now, it was evident, as Miss Knag laughed, that something struck her as being exceedingly funny; and as the

young ladies took their tone from Miss Knagshe being the chiefthey all got up a laugh without a

moment's delay, and nodded their heads a little, and smiled sarcastically to each other, as much as to say how

'Here she is,' continued Miss Knag, getting off the box, and introducing Kate with much ceremony and many

low curtseys to the delighted throng; 'here she iseverybody is talking about herthe belle, ladiesthe

At this crisis, Miss Knag was unable to repress a virtuous shudder, which immediately communicated itself to

'For fifteen years,' exclaimed Miss Knag, sobbing in a most affecting manner, 'for fifteen years have I been

the credit and ornament of this room and the one upstairs. Thank God,' said Miss Knag, stamping first her

right foot and then her left with remarkable energy, 'I have never in all that time, till now, been exposed to the

arts, the vile arts, of a creature, who disgraces us with all her proceedings, and makes proper people blush for

Miss Knag here relapsed into softness, and the young ladies renewing their attentions, murmured that she

ought to be superior to such things, and that for their part they despised them, and considered them beneath

their notice; in witness whereof, they called out, more emphatically than before, that it was a shame, and that

'Have I lived to this day to be called a fright!' cried Miss Knag, suddenly becoming convulsive, and making

'Have I deserved to be called an elderly person?' screamed Miss Knag, wrestling with the supernumeraries.

CHAPTER 18. Miss Knag, after doting on Kate Nickleby for three whole Days, makes up her Mind to hate her for evermore. The Causes which led Miss Knag to form this Resolution 158

'I hate her,' cried Miss Knag; 'I detest and hate her. Never let her speak to me again; never let anybody who is

a friend of mine speak to her; a slut, a hussy, an impudent artful hussy!' Having denounced the object of her

wrath, in these terms, Miss Knag screamed once, hiccuped thrice, gurgled in her throat several times,

slumbered, shivered, woke, came to, composed her headdress, and declared herself quite well again.

Poor Kate had regarded these proceedings, at first, in perfect bewilderment. She had then turned red and pale

by turns, and once or twice essayed to speak; but, as the true motives of this altered behaviour developed

themselves, she retired a few paces, and looked calmly on without deigning a reply. Nevertheless, although

she walked proudly to her seat, and turned her back upon the group of little satellites who clustered round

their ruling planet in the remotest corner of the room, she gave way, in secret, to some such bitter tears as

The bile and rancour of the worthy Miss Knag undergoing no diminution during the remainder of the week,

but rather augmenting with every successive hour; and the honest ire of all the young ladies rising, or

seeming to rise, in exact proportion to the good spinster's indignation, and both waxing very hot every time

Miss Nickleby was called upstairs; it will be readily imagined that that young lady's daily life was none of the

most cheerful or enviable kind. She hailed the arrival of Saturday night, as a prisoner would a few delicious

hours' respite from slow and wearing torture, and felt that the poor pittance for her first week's labour would

When she joined her mother, as usual, at the street corner, she was not a little surprised to find her in

conversation with Mr Ralph Nickleby; but her surprise was soon redoubled, no less by the matter of their

'Indeed!' replied Kate, shrinking, though she scarce knew why, from her uncle's cold glistening eye.

'That instant,' said Ralph. 'I was coming to call for you, making sure to catch you before you left; but your

mother and I have been talking over family affairs, and the time has slipped away so rapidly'

'Well, now, hasn't it?' interposed Mrs Nickleby, quite insensible to the sarcastic tone of Ralph's last remark.

'Upon my word, I couldn't have believed it possible, that such aKate, my dear, you're to dine with your

Triumphing in having been the first to communicate this extraordinary intelligence, Mrs Nickleby nodded

and smiled a great many times, to impress its full magnificence on Kate's wondering mind, and then flew off,

'Let me see,' said the good lady. 'Your black silk frock will be quite dress enough, my dear, with that pretty

little scarf, and a plain band in your hair, and a pair of black silk stockDear, dear,' cried Mrs Nickleby,

flying off at another angle, 'if I had but those unfortunate amethysts of mineyou recollect them, Kate, my

lovehow they used to sparkle, you knowbut your papa, your poor dear papaah! there never was

anything so cruelly sacrificed as those jewels were, never!' Overpowered by this agonising thought, Mrs

CHAPTER 19. Descriptive of a Dinner at Mr Ralph Nickleby's, and of the Manner in which the Company entertained themselves, before Dinner, at Dinner, and after Dinner. 159

Nickleby shook her head, in a melancholy manner, and applied her handkerchief to her eyes.

'Lord, Kate, my dear,' rejoined Mrs Nickleby, pettishly, 'how like a child you talk! Fourandtwenty silver

teaspoons, brotherinlaw, two gravies, four salts, all the amethystsnecklace, brooch, and earringsall

made away with, at the same time, and I saying, almost on my bended knees, to that poor good soul, "Why

don't you do something, Nicholas? Why don't you make some arrangement?" I am sure that anybody who

was about us at that time, will do me the justice to own, that if I said that once, I said it fifty times a day.

Didn't I, Kate, my dear? Did I ever lose an opportunity of impressing it on your poor papa?'

'No, no, mama, never,' replied Kate. And to do Mrs Nickleby justice, she never had lostand to do married

ladies as a body justice, they seldom do loseany occasion of inculcating similar golden percepts, whose

only blemish is, the slight degree of vagueness and uncertainty in which they are usually enveloped.

'Ah!' said Mrs Nickleby, with great fervour, 'if my advice had been taken at the beginningWell, I have

When she had arrived at this reflection, Mrs Nickleby sighed, rubbed her hands, cast up her eyes, and finally

assumed a look of meek composure; thus importing that she was a persecuted saint, but that she wouldn't

trouble her hearers by mentioning a circumstance which must be so obvious to everybody.

'Now,' said Ralph, with a smile, which, in common with all other tokens of emotion, seemed to skulk under

his face, rather than play boldly over it'to return to the point from which we have strayed. I have a little

party ofofgentlemen with whom I am connected in business just now, at my house tomorrow; and your

mother has promised that you shall keep house for me. I am not much used to parties; but this is one of

business, and such fooleries are an important part of it sometimes. You don't mind obliging me?'

'I shall be very glad, of course, uncle,' replied Kate; 'but I am afraid you will find me awkward and

'Oh no,' said Ralph; 'come when you like, in a hackney coachI'll pay for it. GoodnightaaGod

The blessing seemed to stick in Mr Ralph Nickleby's throat, as if it were not used to the thoroughfare, and

didn't know the way out. But it got out somehow, though awkwardly enough; and having disposed of it, he

'What a very strongly marked countenance your uncle has!' said Mrs Nickleby, quite struck with his parting

'No,' said Mrs Nickleby, musing. 'There certainly is none. But it's a very honest face.'

The worthy matron made this remark with great emphasis and elocution, as if it comprised no small quantity

of ingenuity and research; and, in truth, it was not unworthy of being classed among the extraordinary

CHAPTER 19. Descriptive of a Dinner at Mr Ralph Nickleby's, and of the Manner in which the Company entertained themselves, before Dinner, at Dinner, and after Dinner. 160

discoveries of the age. Kate looked up hastily, and as hastily looked down again.

'What has come over you, my dear, in the name of goodness?' asked Mrs Nickleby, when they had walked on,

'Thinking!' repeated Mrs Nickleby. 'Ay, and indeed plenty to think about, too. Your uncle has taken a strong

fancy to you, that's quite clear; and if some extraordinary good fortune doesn't come to you, after this, I shall

With this she launched out into sundry anecdotes of young ladies, who had had thousandpound notes given

them in reticules, by eccentric uncles; and of young ladies who had accidentally met amiable gentlemen of

enormous wealth at their uncles' houses, and married them, after short but ardent courtships; and Kate,

listening first in apathy, and afterwards in amusement, felt, as they walked home, something of her mother's

sanguine complexion gradually awakening in her own bosom, and began to think that her prospects might be

brightening, and that better days might be dawning upon them. Such is hope, Heaven's own gift to struggling

mortals; pervading, like some subtle essence from the skies, all things, both good and bad; as universal as

The feeble winter's sunand winter's suns in the city are very feeble indeedmight have brightened up, as

he shone through the dim windows of the large old house, on witnessing the unusual sight which one

halffurnished room displayed. In a gloomy corner, where, for years, had stood a silent dusty pile of

merchandise, sheltering its colony of mice, and frowning, a dull and lifeless mass, upon the panelled room,

save when, responding to the roll of heavy waggons in the street without, it quaked with sturdy tremblings

and caused the bright eyes of its tiny citizens to grow brighter still with fear, and struck them motionless,

with attentive ear and palpitating heart, until the alarm had passed awayin this dark corner, was arranged,

with scrupulous care, all Kate's little finery for the day; each article of dress partaking of that indescribable

air of jauntiness and individuality which empty garmentswhether by association, or that they become

moulded, as it were, to the owner's formwill take, in eyes accustomed to, or picturing, the wearer's

smartness. In place of a bale of musty goods, there lay the black silk dress: the neatest possible figure in

itself. The small shoes, with toes delicately turned out, stood upon the very pressure of some old iron weight;

and a pile of harsh discoloured leather had unconsciously given place to the very same little pair of black silk

stockings, which had been the objects of Mrs Nickleby's peculiar care. Rats and mice, and such small gear,

had long ago been starved, or had emigrated to better quarters: and, in their stead, appeared gloves, bands,

scarfs, hairpins, and many other little devices, almost as ingenious in their way as rats and mice themselves,

for the tantalisation of mankind. About and among them all, moved Kate herself, not the least beautiful or

In good time, or in bad time, as the reader likes to take itfor Mrs Nickleby's impatience went a great deal

faster than the clocks at that end of the town, and Kate was dressed to the very last hair pin a full hour and a

half before it was at all necessary to begin to think about itin good time, or in bad time, the toilet was

completed; and it being at length the hour agreed upon for starting, the milkman fetched a coach from the

nearest stand, and Kate, with many adieux to her mother, and many kind messages to Miss La Creevy, who

was to come to tea, seated herself in it, and went away in state, if ever anybody went away in state in a

hackney coach yet. And the coach, and the coachman, and the horses, rattled, and jangled, and whipped, and

The coachman gave a tremendous double knock at the door, which was opened long before he had done, as

quickly as if there had been a man behind it, with his hand tied to the latch. Kate, who had expected no more

uncommon appearance than Newman Noggs in a clean shirt, was not a little astonished to see that the opener

CHAPTER 19. Descriptive of a Dinner at Mr Ralph Nickleby's, and of the Manner in which the Company entertained themselves, before Dinner, at Dinner, and after Dinner. 161

was a man in handsome livery, and that there were two or three others in the hall. There was no doubt about

its being the right house, however, for there was the name upon the door; so she accepted the laced

coatsleeve which was tendered her, and entering the house, was ushered upstairs, into a back

If she had been surprised at the apparition of the footman, she was perfectly absorbed in amazement at the

richness and splendour of the furniture. The softest and most elegant carpets, the most exquisite pictures, the

costliest mirrors; articles of richest ornament, quite dazzling from their beauty and perplexing from the

prodigality with which they were scattered around; encountered her on every side. The very staircase nearly

down to the halldoor, was crammed with beautiful and luxurious things, as though the house were brimful

of riches, which, with a very trifling addition, would fairly run over into the street.

Presently, she heard a series of loud double knocks at the street door, and after every knock some new voice

in the next room; the tones of Mr Ralph Nickleby were easily distinguishable at first, but by degrees they

merged into the general buzz of conversation, and all she could ascertain was, that there were several

gentlemen with no very musical voices, who talked very loud, laughed very heartily, and swore more than

At length, the door opened, and Ralph himself, divested of his boots, and ceremoniously embellished with

'I couldn't see you before, my dear,' he said, in a low tone, and pointing, as he spoke, to the next room. 'I was

'Pray, uncle,' said Kate, a little flurried, as people much more conversant with society often are, when they are

about to enter a room full of strangers, and have had time to think of it previously, 'are there any ladies here?'

'As you please,' said Ralph, shrugging his shoulders. 'They are all come, and dinner will be announced

Kate would have entreated a few minutes' respite, but reflecting that her uncle might consider the payment of

the hackneycoach fare a sort of bargain for her punctuality, she suffered him to draw her arm through his,

Seven or eight gentlemen were standing round the fire when they went in, and, as they were talking very

loud, were not aware of their entrance until Mr Ralph Nickleby, touching one on the coatsleeve, said in a

The group dispersed, as if in great surprise, and the gentleman addressed, turning round, exhibited a suit of

clothes of the most superlative cut, a pair of whiskers of similar quality, a moustache, a head of hair, and a

With which broken ejaculations, he fixed his glass in his eye, and stared at Miss Nickleby in great surprise.

CHAPTER 19. Descriptive of a Dinner at Mr Ralph Nickleby's, and of the Manner in which the Company entertained themselves, before Dinner, at Dinner, and after Dinner. 162

'Then my ears did not deceive me, and it's not waax work,' said his lordship. 'How de do? I'm very happy.'

And then his lordship turned to another superlative gentleman, something older, something stouter,

something redder in the face, and something longer upon town, and said in a loud whisper that the girl was

'Introduce me, Nickleby,' said this second gentleman, who was lounging with his back to the fire, and both

'Otherwise the most knowing card in the paack, Miss Nickleby,' said Lord Frederick Verisopht.

'Don't leave me out, Nickleby,' cried a sharpfaced gentleman, who was sitting on a low chair with a high

'Nor me, Nickleby,' cried a gentleman with a flushed face and a flash air, from the elbow of Sir Mulberry

'Mr Pluck,' said Ralph. Then wheeling about again, towards a gentleman with the neck of a stork and the legs

of no animal in particular, Ralph introduced him as the Honourable Mr Snobb; and a whiteheaded person at

the table as Colonel Chowser. The colonel was in conversation with somebody, who appeared to be a

There were two circumstances which, in this early stage of the party, struck home to Kate's bosom, and

brought the blood tingling to her face. One was the flippant contempt with which the guests evidently

regarded her uncle, and the other, the easy insolence of their manner towards herself. That the first symptom

was very likely to lead to the aggravation of the second, it needed no great penetration to foresee. And here

Mr Ralph Nickleby had reckoned without his host; for however fresh from the country a young lady (by

nature) may be, and however unacquainted with conventional behaviour, the chances are, that she will have

quite as strong an innate sense of the decencies and proprieties of life as if she had run the gauntlet of a dozen

London seasonspossibly a stronger one, for such senses have been known to blunt in this improving

When Ralph had completed the ceremonial of introduction, he led his blushing niece to a seat. As he did so,

he glanced warily round as though to assure himself of the impression which her unlookedfor appearance

'An unexpected playsure, Nickleby,' said Lord Frederick Verisopht, taking his glass out of his right eye,

where it had, until now, done duty on Kate, and fixing it in his left, to bring it to bear on Ralph.

'Not a bad idea,' said his lordship, 'and one that would almost warrant the addition of an extra two and a half

'Nickleby,' said Sir Mulberry Hawk, in a thick coarse voice, 'take the hint, and tack it on the other

CHAPTER 19. Descriptive of a Dinner at Mr Ralph Nickleby's, and of the Manner in which the Company entertained themselves, before Dinner, at Dinner, and after Dinner. 163

Sir Mulberry garnished this speech with a hoarse laugh, and terminated it with a pleasant oath regarding Mr

These gentlemen had not yet quite recovered the jest, when dinner was announced, and then they were

thrown into fresh ecstasies by a similar cause; for Sir Mulberry Hawk, in an excess of humour, shot

dexterously past Lord Frederick Verisopht who was about to lead Kate downstairs, and drew her arm through

'No, damn it, Verisopht,' said Sir Mulberry, 'fair play's a jewel, and Miss Nickleby and I settled the matter

Rendered additionally witty by this applause, Sir Mulberry Hawk leered upon his friends most facetiously,

and led Kate downstairs with an air of familiarity, which roused in her gentle breast such burning indignation,

as she felt it almost impossible to repress. Nor was the intensity of these feelings at all diminished, when she

found herself placed at the top of the table, with Sir Mulberry Hawk and Lord Frederick Verisopht on either

'Oh, you've found your way into our neighbourhood, have you?' said Sir Mulberry as his lordship sat down.

'Of course,' replied Lord Frederick, fixing his eyes on Miss Nickleby, 'how can you aask me?'

'Well, you attend to your dinner,' said Sir Mulberry, 'and don't mind Miss Nickleby and me, for we shall

'What is the matter, my lord?' demanded Ralph from the bottom of the table, where he was supported by

'He has a tolerable share of everything that you lay claim to, my lord,' said Ralph with a sneer.

''Gad, so he has,' replied the young man; 'deyvle take me if I know which is master in my house, he or I.'

'I think I shall cut him off with a shilling,' said the young nobleman, jocosely.

'No, no, curse it,' said Sir Mulberry. 'When you come to the shillingthe last shillingI'll cut you fast

This sally (which was strictly founded on fact) was received with a general roar, above which, was plainly

distinguishable the laughter of Mr Pyke and Mr Pluck, who were, evidently, Sir Mulberry's toads in ordinary.

Indeed, it was not difficult to see, that the majority of the company preyed upon the unfortunate young lord,

who, weak and silly as he was, appeared by far the least vicious of the party. Sir Mulberry Hawk was

remarkable for his tact in ruining, by himself and his creatures, young gentlemen of fortunea genteel and

elegant profession, of which he had undoubtedly gained the head. With all the boldness of an original genius,

he had struck out an entirely new course of treatment quite opposed to the usual method; his custom being,

CHAPTER 19. Descriptive of a Dinner at Mr Ralph Nickleby's, and of the Manner in which the Company entertained themselves, before Dinner, at Dinner, and after Dinner. 164

when he had gained the ascendancy over those he took in hand, rather to keep them down than to give them

their own way; and to exercise his vivacity upon them openly, and without reserve. Thus, he made them

butts, in a double sense, and while he emptied them with great address, caused them to ring with sundry

The dinner was as remarkable for the splendour and completeness of its appointments as the mansion itself,

and the company were remarkable for doing it ample justice, in which respect Messrs Pyke and Pluck

particularly signalised themselves; these two gentlemen eating of every dish, and drinking of every bottle,

with a capacity and perseverance truly astonishing. They were remarkably fresh, too, notwithstanding their

great exertions: for, on the appearance of the dessert, they broke out again, as if nothing serious had taken

'Well,' said Lord Frederick, sipping his first glass of port, 'if this is a discounting dinner, all I have to say is,

'You'll have plenty of it, in your time,' returned Sir Mulberry Hawk; 'Nickleby will tell you that.'

'What do you say, Nickleby?' inquired the young man; 'am I to be a good customer?'

'On your lordship's circumstances,' interposed Colonel Chowser of the Militiaand the racecourses.

The gallant colonel glanced at Messrs Pyke and Pluck as if he thought they ought to laugh at his joke; but

those gentlemen, being only engaged to laugh for Sir Mulberry Hawk, were, to his signal discomfiture, as

grave as a pair of undertakers. To add to his defeat, Sir Mulberry, considering any such efforts an invasion of

his peculiar privilege, eyed the offender steadily, through his glass, as if astonished at his presumption, and

audibly stated his impression that it was an 'infernal liberty,' which being a hint to Lord Frederick, he put up

HIS glass, and surveyed the object of censure as if he were some extraordinary wild animal then exhibiting

for the first time. As a matter of course, Messrs Pyke and Pluck stared at the individual whom Sir Mulberry

Hawk stared at; so, the poor colonel, to hide his confusion, was reduced to the necessity of holding his port

before his right eye and affecting to scrutinise its colour with the most lively interest.

All this while, Kate had sat as silently as she could, scarcely daring to raise her eyes, lest they should

encounter the admiring gaze of Lord Frederick Verisopht, or, what was still more embarrassing, the bold

looks of his friend Sir Mulberry. The latter gentleman was obliging enough to direct general attention towards

'Here is Miss Nickleby,' observed Sir Mulberry, 'wondering why the deuce somebody doesn't make love to

'No, indeed,' said Kate, looking hastily up, 'I' and then she stopped, feeling it would have been better to

'I'll hold any man fifty pounds,' said Sir Mulberry, 'that Miss Nickleby can't look in my face, and tell me she

'Done!' responded Sir Mulberry. The money was produced on both sides, and the Honourable Mr Snobb was

CHAPTER 19. Descriptive of a Dinner at Mr Ralph Nickleby's, and of the Manner in which the Company entertained themselves, before Dinner, at Dinner, and after Dinner. 165

'Pray,' said Kate, in great confusion, while these preliminaries were in course of completion. 'Pray do not

'Why not, my dear?' replied Ralph, in whose grating voice, however, there was an unusual huskiness, as

though he spoke unwillingly, and would rather that the proposition had not been broached. 'It is done in a

'I don't insist on it,' said Sir Mulberry, with a loud laugh. 'That is, I by no means insist upon Miss Nickleby's

making the denial, for if she does, I lose; but I shall be glad to see her bright eyes, especially as she favours

'I don't care if I do lose,' said Sir Mulberry; 'for one tolerable look at Miss Nickleby's eyes is worth double the

'Won't you maake one effort for me, Miss Nickleby?' asked Lord Frederick, after a short interval.

'You needn't trouble yourself to inquire, my buck,' said Sir Mulberry; 'Miss Nickleby and I understand each

other; she declares on my side, and shows her taste. You haven't a chance, old fellow. Time, Snobb?'

Mr Pluck, who always came second, and topped his companion if he could, screamed outright.

The poor girl, who was so overwhelmed with confusion that she scarcely knew what she did, had determined

to remain perfectly quiet; but fearing that by so doing she might seem to countenance Sir Mulberry's boast,

which had been uttered with great coarseness and vulgarity of manner, raised her eyes, and looked him in the

face. There was something so odious, so insolent, so repulsive in the look which met her, that, without the

power to stammer forth a syllable, she rose and hurried from the room. She restrained her tears by a great

CHAPTER 19. Descriptive of a Dinner at Mr Ralph Nickleby's, and of the Manner in which the Company entertained themselves, before Dinner, at Dinner, and after Dinner. 166

It is needless to say, that Pyke and Co. responded, with great warmth of manner, to this proposal, or that the

toast was drunk with many little insinuations from the firm, relative to the completeness of Sir Mulberry's

conquest. Ralph, who, while the attention of the other guests was attracted to the principals in the preceding

scene, had eyed them like a wolf, appeared to breathe more freely now his niece was gone; the decanters

passing quickly round, he leaned back in his chair, and turned his eyes from speaker to speaker, as they

warmed with wine, with looks that seemed to search their hearts, and lay bare, for his distempered sport,

Meanwhile Kate, left wholly to herself, had, in some degree, recovered her composure. She had learnt from a

female attendant, that her uncle wished to see her before she left, and had also gleaned the satisfactory

intelligence, that the gentlemen would take coffee at table. The prospect of seeing them no more, contributed

greatly to calm her agitation, and, taking up a book, she composed herself to read.

She started sometimes, when the sudden opening of the diningroom door let loose a wild shout of noisy

revelry, and more than once rose in great alarm, as a fancied footstep on the staircase impressed her with the

fear that some stray member of the party was returning alone. Nothing occurring, however, to realise her

apprehensions, she endeavoured to fix her attention more closely on her book, in which by degrees she

became so much interested, that she had read on through several chapters without heed of time or place, when

she was terrified by suddenly hearing her name pronounced by a man's voice close at her ear.

The book fell from her hand. Lounging on an ottoman close beside her, was Sir Mulberry Hawk, evidently

'What a delightful studiousness!' said this accomplished gentleman. 'Was it real, now, or only to display the

'I have looked at 'em for five minutes,' said Sir Mulberry. 'Upon my soul, they're perfect. Why did I speak,

'No, don't,' said Sir Mulberry, folding his crushed hat to lay his elbow on, and bringing himself still closer to

the young lady; 'upon my life, you oughtn't to. Such a devoted slave of yours, Miss Nicklebyit's an infernal

'I wish you to understand, sir,' said Kate, trembling in spite of herself, but speaking with great indignation,

'that your behaviour offends and disgusts me. If you have a spark of gentlemanly feeling remaining, you will

'Now why,' said Sir Mulberry, 'why will you keep up this appearance of excessive rigour, my sweet creature?

Kate hastily rose; but as she rose, Sir Mulberry caught her dress, and forcibly detained her.

'Let me go, sir,' she cried, her heart swelling with anger. 'Do you hear? Instantlythis moment.'

CHAPTER 19. Descriptive of a Dinner at Mr Ralph Nickleby's, and of the Manner in which the Company entertained themselves, before Dinner, at Dinner, and after Dinner. 167

'Not for the world,' rejoined Sir Mulberry. Thus speaking, he leaned over, as if to replace her in her chair; but

the young lady, making a violent effort to disengage herself, he lost his balance, and measured his length

upon the ground. As Kate sprung forward to leave the room, Mr Ralph Nickleby appeared in the doorway,

'It is this, sir,' replied Kate, violently agitated: 'that beneath the roof where I, a helpless girl, your dead

brother's child, should most have found protection, I have been exposed to insult which should make you

Ralph DID shrink, as the indignant girl fixed her kindling eye upon him; but he did not comply with her

injunction, nevertheless: for he led her to a distant seat, and returning, and approaching Sir Mulberry Hawk,

'Your way lies there, sir,' said Ralph, in a suppressed voice, that some devil might have owned with pride.

The swoln veins stood out like sinews on Ralph's wrinkled forehead, and the nerves about his mouth worked

as though some unendurable emotion wrung them; but he smiled disdainfully, and again pointed to the door.

'Well,' said Ralph. The fashionable vagabond for the moment quite quailed under the steady look of the older

'You wanted the lord, did you?' he said, stopping short when he reached the door, as if a new light had broken

'Who brought him to you first?' pursued Sir Mulberry; 'and how, without me, could you ever have wound him

'The net is a large one, and rather full,' said Ralph. 'Take care that it chokes nobody in the meshes.'

'You would sell your flesh and blood for money; yourself, if you have not already made a bargain with the

devil,' retorted the other. 'Do you mean to tell me that your pretty niece was not brought here as a decoy for

Although this hurried dialogue was carried on in a suppressed tone on both sides, Ralph looked involuntarily

round to ascertain that Kate had not moved her position so as to be within hearing. His adversary saw the

'Do you mean to tell me,' he asked again, 'that it is not so? Do you mean to say that if he had found his way

up here instead of me, you wouldn't have been a little more blind, and a little more deaf, and a little less

CHAPTER 19. Descriptive of a Dinner at Mr Ralph Nickleby's, and of the Manner in which the Company entertained themselves, before Dinner, at Dinner, and after Dinner. 168

'I tell you this,' replied Ralph, 'that if I brought her here, as a matter of business'

'Ay, that's the word,' interposed Sir Mulberry, with a laugh. 'You're coming to yourself again now.'

'As a matter of business,' pursued Ralph, speaking slowly and firmly, as a man who has made up his mind

to say no more, 'because I thought she might make some impression on the silly youth you have taken in hand

and are lending good help to ruin, I knewknowing himthat it would be long before he outraged her girl's

feelings, and that unless he offended by mere puppyism and emptiness, he would, with a little management,

respect the sex and conduct even of his usurer's niece. But if I thought to draw him on more gently by this

device, I did not think of subjecting the girl to the licentiousness and brutality of so old a hand as you. And

'Exactly so,' said Ralph. He had turned away, and looked over his shoulder to make this last reply. The eyes

of the two worthies met, with an expression as if each rascal felt that there was no disguising himself from the

His friend closed the door, and looked restlessly towards the spot where his niece still remained in the attitude

in which he had left her. She had flung herself heavily upon the couch, and with her head drooping over the

cushion, and her face hidden in her hands, seemed to be still weeping in an agony of shame and grief.

Ralph would have walked into any povertystricken debtor's house, and pointed him out to a bailiff, though

in attendance upon a young child's deathbed, without the smallest concern, because it would have been a

matter quite in the ordinary course of business, and the man would have been an offender against his only

code of morality. But, here was a young girl, who had done no wrong save that of coming into the world

alive; who had patiently yielded to all his wishes; who had tried hard to please himabove all, who didn't

Ralph took a chair at some distance; then, another chair a little nearer; then, moved a little nearer still; then,

nearer again, and finally sat himself on the same sofa, and laid his hand on Kate's arm.

'Hush, my dear!' he said, as she drew it back, and her sobs burst out afresh. 'Hush, hush! Don't mind it, now;

'Oh, for pity's sake, let me go home,' cried Kate. 'Let me leave this house, and go home.'

'Yes, yes,' said Ralph. 'You shall. But you must dry your eyes first, and compose yourself. Let me raise your

'Oh, uncle!' exclaimed Kate, clasping her hands. 'What have I done what have I donethat you should

subject me to this? If I had wronged you in thought, or word, or deed, it would have been most cruel to me,

'Only listen to me for a moment,' interrupted Ralph, seriously alarmed by the violence of her emotions. 'I

didn't know it would be so; it was impossible for me to foresee it. I did all I could. Come, let us walk

about. You are faint with the closeness of the room, and the heat of these lamps. You will be better now, if

CHAPTER 19. Descriptive of a Dinner at Mr Ralph Nickleby's, and of the Manner in which the Company entertained themselves, before Dinner, at Dinner, and after Dinner. 169

'Well, well, I will,' said Ralph; 'but you must get back your own looks; for those you have, will frighten them,

and nobody must know of this but you and I. Now let us walk the other way. There. You look better even

With such encouragements as these, Ralph Nickleby walked to and fro, with his niece leaning on his arm;

In the same manner, when he judged it prudent to allow her to depart, he supported her downstairs, after

adjusting her shawl and performing such little offices, most probably for the first time in his life. Across the

hall, and down the steps, Ralph led her too; nor did he withdraw his hand until she was seated in the coach.

As the door of the vehicle was roughly closed, a comb fell from Kate's hair, close at her uncle's feet; and as

he picked it up, and returned it into her hand, the light from a neighbouring lamp shone upon her face. The

lock of hair that had escaped and curled loosely over her brow, the traces of tears yet scarcely dry, the flushed

cheek, the look of sorrow, all fired some dormant train of recollection in the old man's breast; and the face of

his dead brother seemed present before him, with the very look it bore on some occasion of boyish grief, of

which every minutest circumstance flashed upon his mind, with the distinctness of a scene of yesterday.

Ralph Nickleby, who was proof against all appeals of blood and kindredwho was steeled against every tale

of sorrow and distress staggered while he looked, and went back into his house, as a man who had seen a

Little Miss La Creevy trotted briskly through divers streets at the west end of the town, early on Monday

morningthe day after the dinnercharged with the important commission of acquainting Madame

Mantalini that Miss Nickleby was too unwell to attend that day, but hoped to be enabled to resume her duties

on the morrow. And as Miss La Creevy walked along, revolving in her mind various genteel forms and

elegant turns of expression, with a view to the selection of the very best in which to couch her

communication, she cogitated a good deal upon the probable causes of her young friend's indisposition.

'I don't know what to make of it,' said Miss La Creevy. 'Her eyes were decidedly red last night. She said she

Arriving at this conclusion, which, indeed, she had established to her perfect satisfaction on the previous

evening, Miss La Creevy went on to consideras she had done nearly all nightwhat new cause of

'I can't think of anything,' said the little portrait painter. 'Nothing at all, unless it was the behaviour of that old

Relieved by this expression of opinion, albeit it was vented upon empty air, Miss La Creevy trotted on to

Madame Mantalini's; and being informed that the governing power was not yet out of bed, requested an

'So far as I am concerned,' said Miss Knag, when the message had been delivered, with many ornaments of

'Oh, indeed, ma'am!' rejoined Miss La Creevy, highly offended. 'But, you see, you are not mistress of the

CHAPTER 20. Wherein Nicholas at length encounters his Uncle, to whom he expresses his Sentiments with much Candour. His Resolution. 170

'Goodmorning to you, ma'am; and many obligations for your extreme politeness and good breeding,'

Thus terminating the interview, during which both ladies had trembled very much, and been marvellously

politecertain indications that they were within an inch of a very desperate quarrelMiss La Creevy

'I wonder who that is,' said the queer little soul. 'A nice person to know, I should think! I wish I had the

painting of her: I'D do her justice.' So, feeling quite satisfied that she had said a very cutting thing at Miss

Knag's expense, Miss La Creevy had a hearty laugh, and went home to breakfast in great good humour.

Here was one of the advantages of having lived alone so long! The little bustling, active, cheerful creature

existed entirely within herself, talked to herself, made a confidante of herself, was as sarcastic as she could

be, on people who offended her, by herself; pleased herself, and did no harm. If she indulged in scandal,

nobody's reputation suffered; and if she enjoyed a little bit of revenge, no living soul was one atom the worse.

One of the many to whom, from straitened circumstances, a consequent inability to form the associations they

would wish, and a disinclination to mix with the society they could obtain, London is as complete a solitude

as the plains of Syria, the humble artist had pursued her lonely, but contented way for many years; and, until

the peculiar misfortunes of the Nickleby family attracted her attention, had made no friends, though brimful

of the friendliest feelings to all mankind. There are many warm hearts in the same solitary guise as poor little

However, that's neither here nor there, just now. She went home to breakfast, and had scarcely caught the full

flavour of her first sip of tea, when the servant announced a gentleman, whereat Miss La Creevy, at once

imagining a new sitter transfixed by admiration at the streetdoor case, was in unspeakable consternation at

'Here, take 'em away; run with 'em into the bedroom; anywhere,' said Miss La Creevy. 'Dear, dear; to think

that I should be late on this particular morning, of all others, after being ready for three weeks by halfpast

'Don't let me put you out of the way,' said a voice Miss La Creevy knew. 'I told the servant not to mention my

'Mr Nicholas!' cried Miss La Creevy, starting in great astonishment. 'You have not forgotten me, I see,'

'Why, I think I should even have known you if I had met you in the street,' said Miss La Creevy, with a smile.

'Hannah, another cup and saucer. Now, I'll tell you what, young man; I'll trouble you not to repeat the

CHAPTER 20. Wherein Nicholas at length encounters his Uncle, to whom he expresses his Sentiments with much Candour. His Resolution. 171

Nicholas, with becoming gallantry, immediately took Miss La Creevy at her word, who uttered a faint scream

'I dare say you didn't know, indeed!' retorted Miss La Creevy. 'But, now I look at you again, you seem thinner

than when I saw you last, and your face is haggard and pale. And how come you to have left Yorkshire?'

She stopped here; for there was so much heart in her altered tone and manner, that Nicholas was quite moved.

'I need look somewhat changed,' he said, after a short silence; 'for I have undergone some suffering, both of

mind and body, since I left London. I have been very poor, too, and have even suffered from want.'

'Good Heaven, Mr Nicholas!' exclaimed Miss La Creevy, 'what are you telling me?'

'Nothing which need distress you quite so much,' answered Nicholas, with a more sprightly air; 'neither did I

come here to bewail my lot, but on matter more to the purpose. I wish to meet my uncle face to face. I should

'Then all I have to say about that is,' interposed Miss La Creevy, 'that I don't envy you your taste; and that

sitting in the same room with his very boots, would put me out of humour for a fortnight.'

'In the main,' said Nicholas, 'there may be no great difference of opinion between you and me, so far; but you

will understand, that I desire to confront him, to justify myself, and to cast his duplicity and malice in his

'That's quite another matter,' rejoined Miss La Creevy. 'Heaven forgive me; but I shouldn't cry my eyes quite

'To this end, I called upon him this morning,' said Nicholas. 'He only returned to town on Saturday, and I

'I have reason to believe,' pursued Nicholas, 'from what has been told me, by a friend of mine who is

acquainted with his movements, that he intends seeing my mother and sister today, and giving them his

'That's right,' said Miss La Creevy, rubbing her hands. 'And yet, I don't know,' she added, 'there is much to be

CHAPTER 20. Wherein Nicholas at length encounters his Uncle, to whom he expresses his Sentiments with much Candour. His Resolution. 172

'I have considered others,' rejoined Nicholas; 'but as honesty and honour are both at issue, nothing shall deter

'In this case I hope so,' answered Nicholas. 'And all I want you to do for me, is, to prepare them for my

coming. They think me a long way off, and if I went wholly unexpected, I should frighten them. If you can

spare time to tell them that you have seen me, and that I shall be with them in a quarter of an hour afterwards,

'I wish I could do you, or any of you, a greater,' said Miss La Creevy; 'but the power to serve, is as seldom

Talking on very fast and very much, Miss La Creevy finished her breakfast with great expedition, put away

the teacaddy and hid the key under the fender, resumed her bonnet, and, taking Nicholas's arm, sallied forth

at once to the city. Nicholas left her near the door of his mother's house, and promised to return within a

It so chanced that Ralph Nickleby, at length seeing fit, for his own purposes, to communicate the atrocities of

which Nicholas had been guilty, had (instead of first proceeding to another quarter of the town on business,

as Newman Noggs supposed he would) gone straight to his sisterinlaw. Hence, when Miss La Creevy,

admitted by a girl who was cleaning the house, made her way to the sittingroom, she found Mrs Nickleby

and Kate in tears, and Ralph just concluding his statement of his nephew's misdemeanours. Kate beckoned

'You are here already, are you, my gentleman?' thought the little woman. 'Then he shall announce himself,

'This is pretty,' said Ralph, folding up Miss Squeers's note; 'very pretty. I recommend himagainst all my

previous conviction, for I knew he would never do any goodto a man with whom, behaving himself

properly, he might have remained, in comfort, for years. What is the result? Conduct for which he might hold

'I never will believe it,' said Kate, indignantly; 'never. It is some base conspiracy, which carries its own

'My dear,' said Ralph, 'you wrong the worthy man. These are not inventions. The man is assaulted, your

brother is not to be found; this boy, of whom they speak, goes with himremember, remember.'

'It is impossible,' said Kate. 'Nicholas!and a thief too! Mama, how can you sit and hear such statements?'

Poor Mrs Nickleby, who had, at no time, been remarkable for the possession of a very clear understanding,

and who had been reduced by the late changes in her affairs to a most complicated state of perplexity, made

no other reply to this earnest remonstrance than exclaiming from behind a mass of pockethandkerchief, that

she never could have believed itthereby most ingeniously leaving her hearers to suppose that she did

'It would be my duty, if he came in my way, to deliver him up to justice,' said Ralph, 'my bounden duty; I

should have no other course, as a man of the world and a man of business, to pursue. And yet,' said Ralph,

CHAPTER 20. Wherein Nicholas at length encounters his Uncle, to whom he expresses his Sentiments with much Candour. His Resolution. 173

speaking in a very marked manner, and looking furtively, but fixedly, at Kate, 'and yet I would not. I would

spare the feelings of hisof his sister. And his mother of course,' added Ralph, as though by an afterthought,

Kate very well understood that this was held out as an additional inducement to her to preserve the strictest

silence regarding the events of the preceding night. She looked involuntarily towards Ralph as he ceased to

speak, but he had turned his eyes another way, and seemed for the moment quite unconscious of her presence.

'Everything,' said Ralph, after a long silence, broken only by Mrs Nickleby's sobs, 'everything combines to

prove the truth of this letter, if indeed there were any possibility of disputing it. Do innocent men steal away

from the sight of honest folks, and skulk in hidingplaces, like outlaws? Do innocent men inveigle nameless

vagabonds, and prowl with them about the country as idle robbers do? Assault, riot, theft, what do you call

'A lie!' cried a voice, as the door was dashed open, and Nicholas came into the room.

In the first moment of surprise, and possibly of alarm, Ralph rose from his seat, and fell back a few paces,

quite taken off his guard by this unexpected apparition. In another moment, he stood, fixed and immovable

with folded arms, regarding his nephew with a scowl; while Kate and Miss La Creevy threw themselves

between the two, to prevent the personal violence which the fierce excitement of Nicholas appeared to

'Consider, Kate!' cried Nicholas, clasping her hand so tight in the tumult of his anger, that she could scarcely

bear the pain. 'When I consider all, and think of what has passed, I need be made of iron to stand before him.'

'Or bronze,' said Ralph, quietly; 'there is not hardihood enough in flesh and blood to face it out.'

'Oh dear, dear!' cried Mrs Nickleby, 'that things should have come to such a pass as this!'

'Who speaks in a tone, as if I had done wrong, and brought disgrace on them?' said Nicholas, looking round.

'Whose ears have been poisoned by you,' said Nicholas; 'by youwho, under pretence of deserving the

thanks she poured upon you, heaped every insult, wrong, and indignity upon my head. You, who sent me to a

den where sordid cruelty, worthy of yourself, runs wanton, and youthful misery stalks precocious; where the

lightness of childhood shrinks into the heaviness of age, and its every promise blights, and withers as it

grows. I call Heaven to witness,' said Nicholas, looking eagerly round, 'that I have seen all this, and that he

'Refute these calumnies,' said Kate, 'and be more patient, so that you may give them no advantage. Tell us

'First, of attacking your master, and being within an ace of qualifying yourself to be tried for murder,'

'I interfered,' said Nicholas, 'to save a miserable creature from the vilest cruelty. In so doing, I inflicted such

CHAPTER 20. Wherein Nicholas at length encounters his Uncle, to whom he expresses his Sentiments with much Candour. His Resolution. 174

punishment upon a wretch as he will not readily forget, though far less than he deserved from me. If the same

scene were renewed before me now, I would take the same part; but I would strike harder and heavier, and

brand him with such marks as he should carry to his grave, go to it when he would.'

'Do not speak just now, mama, I entreat you,' said Kate. 'Dear Nicholas, I only tell you, that you may know

what wickedness can prompt, but they accuse you ofa ring is missing, and they dare to say that'

'The woman,' said Nicholas, haughtily, 'the wife of the fellow from whom these charges come, droppedas I

supposea worthless ring among some clothes of mine, early in the morning on which I left the house. At

least, I know that she was in the bedroom where they lay, struggling with an unhappy child, and that I found

it when I opened my bundle on the road. I returned it, at once, by coach, and they have it now.'

'I knew, I knew,' said Kate, looking towards her uncle. 'About this boy, love, in whose company they say you

'The boy, a silly, helpless creature, from brutality and hard usage, is with me now,' rejoined Nicholas.

'You hear?' said Ralph, appealing to the mother again, 'everything proved, even upon his own confession. Do

'No,' repeated Nicholas, 'not to the man with whom I found him. I would that I knew on whom he has the

claim of birth: I might wring something from his sense of shame, if he were dead to every tie of nature.'

'You can speak when and what you please,' replied Nicholas, embracing his sister. 'I take little heed of what

'Mighty well, sir,' retorted Ralph; 'but perhaps it may concern others, who may think it worth their while to

listen, and consider what I tell them. I will address your mother, sir, who knows the world.'

There really was no necessity for the good lady to be much distressed upon this particular head; the extent of

her worldly knowledge being, to say the least, very questionable; and so Ralph seemed to think, for he smiled

as she spoke. He then glanced steadily at her and Nicholas by turns, as he delivered himself in these words:

'Of what I have done, or what I meant to do, for you, ma'am, and my niece, I say not one syllable. I held out

no promise, and leave you to judge for yourself. I hold out no threat now, but I say that this boy, headstrong,

wilful and disorderly as he is, should not have one penny of my money, or one crust of my bread, or one

grasp of my hand, to save him from the loftiest gallows in all Europe. I will not meet him, come where he

comes, or hear his name. I will not help him, or those who help him. With a full knowledge of what he

brought upon you by so doing, he has come back in his selfish sloth, to be an aggravation of your wants, and

CHAPTER 20. Wherein Nicholas at length encounters his Uncle, to whom he expresses his Sentiments with much Candour. His Resolution. 175

a burden upon his sister's scanty wages. I regret to leave you, and more to leave her, now, but I will not

encourage this compound of meanness and cruelty, and, as I will not ask you to renounce him, I see you no

If Ralph had not known and felt his power in wounding those he hated, his glances at Nicholas would have

shown it him, in all its force, as he proceeded in the above address. Innocent as the young man was of all

wrong, every artful insinuation stung, every well considered sarcasm cut him to the quick; and when Ralph

noted his pale face and quivering lip, he hugged himself to mark how well he had chosen the taunts best

'I can't help it,' cried Mrs Nickleby. 'I know you have been very good to us, and meant to do a good deal for

my dear daughter. I am quite sure of that; I know you did, and it was very kind of you, having her at your

house and alland of course it would have been a great thing for her and for me too. But I can't, you know,

brother inlaw, I can't renounce my own son, even if he has done all you say he hasit's not possible; I

couldn't do it; so we must go to rack and ruin, Kate, my dear. I can bear it, I dare say.' Pouring forth these and

a perfectly wonderful train of other disjointed expressions of regret, which no mortal power but Mrs

Nickleby's could ever have strung together, that lady wrung her hands, and her tears fell faster.

'Why do you say "IF Nicholas has done what they say he has," mama?' asked Kate, with honest anger. 'You

'I don't know what to think, one way or other, my dear,' said Mrs Nickleby; 'Nicholas is so violent, and your

uncle has so much composure, that I can only hear what he says, and not what Nicholas does. Never mind,

don't let us talk any more about it. We can go to the Workhouse, or the Refuge for the Destitute, or the

Magdalen Hospital, I dare say; and the sooner we go the better.' With this extraordinary jumble of charitable

'Stay,' said Nicholas, as Ralph turned to go. 'You need not leave this place, sir, for it will be relieved of my

presence in one minute, and it will be long, very long, before I darken these doors again.'

'Nicholas,' cried Kate, throwing herself on her brother's shoulder, 'do not say so. My dear brother, you will

break my heart. Mama, speak to him. Do not mind her, Nicholas; she does not mean it, you should know her

'I never meant, Kate,' said Nicholas, tenderly, 'I never meant to stay among you; think better of me than to

suppose it possible. I may turn my back on this town a few hours sooner than I intended, but what of that?

We shall not forget each other apart, and better days will come when we shall part no more. Be a woman,

'No, no, I will not,' said Kate, eagerly, 'but you will not leave us. Oh! think of all the happy days we have had

together, before these terrible misfortunes came upon us; of all the comfort and happiness of home, and the

trials we have to bear now; of our having no protector under all the slights and wrongs that poverty so much

favours, and you cannot leave us to bear them alone, without one hand to help us.'

'You will be helped when I am away,' replied Nicholas hurriedly. 'I am no help to you, no protector; I should

bring you nothing but sorrow, and want, and suffering. My own mother sees it, and her fondness and fears for

you, point to the course that I should take. And so all good angels bless you, Kate, till I can carry you to some

home of mine, where we may revive the happiness denied to us now, and talk of these trials as of things gone

The grasp which had detained him relaxed, and Kate swooned in his arms. Nicholas stooped over her for a

CHAPTER 20. Wherein Nicholas at length encounters his Uncle, to whom he expresses his Sentiments with much Candour. His Resolution. 176

few seconds, and placing her gently in a chair, confided her to their honest friend.

'I need not entreat your sympathy,' he said, wringing her hand, 'for I know your nature. You will never forget

He stepped up to Ralph, who remained in the same attitude which he had preserved throughout the interview,

'Whatever step you take, sir,' he said, in a voice inaudible beyond themselves, 'I shall keep a strict account of.

I leave them to you, at your desire. There will be a day of reckoning sooner or later, and it will be a heavy one

Ralph did not allow a muscle of his face to indicate that he heard one word of this parting address. He hardly

knew that it was concluded, and Mrs Nickleby had scarcely made up her mind to detain her son by force if

As he hurried through the streets to his obscure lodging, seeking to keep pace, as it were, with the rapidity of

the thoughts which crowded upon him, many doubts and hesitations arose in his mind, and almost tempted

him to return. But what would they gain by this? Supposing he were to put Ralph Nickleby at defiance, and

were even fortunate enough to obtain some small employment, his being with them could only render their

present condition worse, and might greatly impair their future prospects; for his mother had spoken of some

new kindnesses towards Kate which she had not denied. 'No,' thought Nicholas, 'I have acted for the best.'

But, before he had gone five hundred yards, some other and different feeling would come upon him, and then

he would lag again, and pulling his hat over his eyes, give way to the melancholy reflections which pressed

thickly upon him. To have committed no fault, and yet to be so entirely alone in the world; to be separated

from the only persons he loved, and to be proscribed like a criminal, when six months ago he had been

surrounded by every comfort, and looked up to, as the chief hope of his familythis was hard to bear. He

had not deserved it either. Well, there was comfort in that; and poor Nicholas would brighten up again, to be

again depressed, as his quickly shifting thoughts presented every variety of light and shade before him.

Undergoing these alternations of hope and misgiving, which no one, placed in a situation of ordinary trial,

can fail to have experienced, Nicholas at length reached his poor room, where, no longer borne up by the

excitement which had hitherto sustained him, but depressed by the revulsion of feeling it left behind, he threw

himself on the bed, and turning his face to the wall, gave free vent to the emotions he had so long stifled.

He had not heard anybody enter, and was unconscious of the presence of Smike, until, happening to raise his

head, he saw him, standing at the upper end of the room, looking wistfully towards him. He withdrew his

eyes when he saw that he was observed, and affected to be busied with some scanty preparations for dinner.

'Well, Smike,' said Nicholas, as cheerfully as he could speak, 'let me hear what new acquaintances you have

made this morning, or what new wonder you have found out, in the compass of this street and the next one.'

'No,' said Smike, shaking his head mournfully; 'I must talk of something else today.'

'Of this,' said Smike. 'I know you are unhappy, and have got into great trouble by bringing me away. I ought

to have known that, and stopped behindI would, indeed, if I had thought it then. You youare not rich;

you have not enough for yourself, and I should not be here. You grow,' said the lad, laying his hand timidly

on that of Nicholas, 'you grow thinner every day; your cheek is paler, and your eye more sunk. Indeed I

CHAPTER 20. Wherein Nicholas at length encounters his Uncle, to whom he expresses his Sentiments with much Candour. His Resolution. 177

cannot bear to see you so, and think how I am burdening you. I tried to go away today, but the thought of

your kind face drew me back. I could not leave you without a word.' The poor fellow could say no more, for

'The word which separates us,' said Nicholas, grasping him heartily by the shoulder, 'shall never be said by

me, for you are my only comfort and stay. I would not lose you now, Smike, for all the world could give. The

thought of you has upheld me through all I have endured today, and shall, through fifty times such trouble.

Give me your hand. My heart is linked to yours. We will journey from this place together, before the week is

out. What, if I am steeped in poverty? You lighten it, and we will be poor together.'

The agitation she had undergone, rendered Kate Nickleby unable to resume her duties at the dressmaker's for

three days, at the expiration of which interval she betook herself at the accustomed hour, and with languid

steps, to the temple of fashion where Madame Mantalini reigned paramount and supreme.

The illwill of Miss Knag had lost nothing of its virulence in the interval. The young ladies still scrupulously

shrunk from all companionship with their denounced associate; and when that exemplary female arrived a

few minutes afterwards, she was at no pains to conceal the displeasure with which she regarded Kate's return.

'Upon my word!' said Miss Knag, as the satellites flocked round, to relieve her of her bonnet and shawl; 'I

should have thought some people would have had spirit enough to stop away altogether, when they know

what an incumbrance their presence is to rightminded persons. But it's a queer world; oh! it's a queer world!'

Miss Knag, having passed this comment on the world, in the tone in which most people do pass comments on

the world when they are out of temper, that is to say, as if they by no means belonged to it, concluded by

heaving a sigh, wherewith she seemed meekly to compassionate the wickedness of mankind.

The attendants were not slow to echo the sigh, and Miss Knag was apparently on the eve of favouring them

with some further moral reflections, when the voice of Madame Mantalini, conveyed through the

speakingtube, ordered Miss Nickleby upstairs to assist in the arrangement of the showroom; a distinction

which caused Miss Knag to toss her head so much, and bite her lips so hard, that her powers of conversation

'Well, Miss Nickleby, child,' said Madame Mantalini, when Kate presented herself; 'are you quite well again?'

'I wish I could say the same,' remarked Madame Mantalini, seating herself with an air of weariness.

'I am still more sorry to hear that,' said Kate, gently. 'Bodily illness is more easy to bear than mental.'

'Ah! and it's much easier to talk than to bear either,' said Madame, rubbing her nose with much irritability of

CHAPTER 21. Madam Mantalini finds herself in a Situation of some Difficulty, and Miss Nickleby finds herself in no Situation at all 178

While Kate was wondering within herself what these symptoms of unusual vexation portended, Mr Mantalini

put the tips of his whiskers, and, by degrees, his head, through the halfopened door, and cried in a soft

'How can it say so, when it is blooming in the front room like a little rose in a demnition flowerpot?' urged

The poppet, however, encouraged perhaps by the relenting tone of this reply, ventured to rebel, and, stealing

into the room, made towards Madame Mantalini on tiptoe, blowing her a kiss as he came along.

'Why will it vex itself, and twist its little face into bewitching nutcrackers?' said Mantalini, putting his left

arm round the waist of his life and soul, and drawing her towards him with his right.

'Noteh, not bear ME!' exclaimed Mantalini. 'Fibs, fibs. It couldn't be. There's not a woman alive, that could

tell me such a thing to my faceto my own face.' Mr Mantalini stroked his chin, as he said this, and glanced

'All in its joy at having gained such a lovely creature, such a little Venus, such a demd, enchanting,

'No harm will come, no harm shall come, to its own darling,' rejoined Mr Mantalini. 'It is all over; there will

be nothing the matter; money shall be got in; and if it don't come in fast enough, old Nickleby shall stump up

Mr Mantalini, who, in his eagerness to make up matters with his wife, had overlooked, or feigned to

overlook, Miss Nickleby hitherto, took the hint, and laying his finger on his lip, sunk his voice still lower.

There was, then, a great deal of whispering, during which Madame Mantalini appeared to make reference,

more than once, to certain debts incurred by Mr Mantalini previous to her coverture; and also to an

unexpected outlay of money in payment of the aforesaid debts; and furthermore, to certain agreeable

weaknesses on that gentleman's part, such as gaming, wasting, idling, and a tendency to horseflesh; each of

which matters of accusation Mr Mantalini disposed of, by one kiss or more, as its relative importance

demanded. The upshot of it all was, that Madame Mantalini was in raptures with him, and that they went

Kate busied herself in what she had to do, and was silently arranging the various articles of decoration in the

best taste she could display, when she started to hear a strange man's voice in the room, and started again, to

observe, on looking round, that a white hat, and a red neckerchief, and a broad round face, and a large head,

CHAPTER 21. Madam Mantalini finds herself in a Situation of some Difficulty, and Miss Nickleby finds herself in no Situation at all 179

'Don't alarm yourself, miss,' said the proprietor of these appearances. 'I say; this here's the mantiemaking

The stranger answered not; but, first looking back, as though to beckon to some unseen person outside, came,

very deliberately, into the room, and was closely followed by a little man in brown, very much the worse for

wear, who brought with him a mingled fumigation of stale tobacco and fresh onions. The clothes of this

gentleman were much bespeckled with flue; and his shoes, stockings, and nether garments, from his heels to

the waist buttons of his coat inclusive, were profusely embroidered with splashes of mud, caught a fortnight

Kate's very natural impression was, that these engaging individuals had called with the view of possessing

themselves, unlawfully, of any portable articles that chanced to strike their fancy. She did not attempt to

'Wait a minnit,' said the man in the green coat, closing it softly, and standing with his back against it. 'This is

'My whatdid you say?' asked Kate, trembling; for she thought 'governor' might be slang for watch or

'He is above stairs, I believe,' replied Kate, a little reassured by this inquiry. 'Do you want him?'

'No,' replied the visitor. 'I don't ezactly want him, if it's made a favour on. You can jist give him that 'ere card,

and tell him if he wants to speak to ME, and save trouble, here I am; that's all.'

With these words, the stranger put a thick square card into Kate's hand, and, turning to his friend, remarked,

with an easy air, 'that the rooms was a good high pitch;' to which the friend assented, adding, by way of

illustration, 'that there was lots of room for a little boy to grow up a man in either on 'em, vithout much fear

After ringing the bell which would summon Madame Mantalini, Kate glanced at the card, and saw that it

displayed the name of 'Scaley,' together with some other information to which she had not had time to refer,

when her attention was attracted by Mr Scaley himself, who, walking up to one of the chevalglasses, gave it

a hard poke in the centre with his stick, as coolly as if it had been made of cast iron.

'Ah!' rejoined Mr Tix, placing the marks of his four fingers, and a duplicate impression of his thumb, on a

piece of skyblue silk; 'and this here article warn't made for nothing, mind you.'

From the silk, Mr Tix transferred his admiration to some elegant articles of wearing apparel, while Mr Scaley

adjusted his neckcloth, at leisure, before the glass, and afterwards, aided by its reflection, proceeded to the

minute consideration of a pimple on his chin; in which absorbing occupation he was yet engaged, when

Madame Mantalini, entering the room, uttered an exclamation of surprise which roused him.

CHAPTER 21. Madam Mantalini finds herself in a Situation of some Difficulty, and Miss Nickleby finds herself in no Situation at all 180

'Then,' said Mr Scaley, producing a small document from his pocket and unfolding it very slowly, 'this is a

writ of execution, and if it's not conwenient to settle we'll go over the house at wunst, please, and take the

Poor Madame Mantalini wrung her hands for grief, and rung the bell for her husband; which done, she fell

into a chair and a fainting fit, simultaneously. The professional gentlemen, however, were not at all

discomposed by this event, for Mr Scaley, leaning upon a stand on which a handsome dress was displayed (so

that his shoulders appeared above it, in nearly the same manner as the shoulders of the lady for whom it was

designed would have done if she had had it on), pushed his hat on one side and scratched his head with

perfect unconcern, while his friend Mr Tix, taking that opportunity for a general survey of the apartment

preparatory to entering on business, stood with his inventorybook under his arm and his hat in his hand,

mentally occupied in putting a price upon every object within his range of vision.

Such was the posture of affairs when Mr Mantalini hurried in; and as that distinguished specimen had had a

pretty extensive intercourse with Mr Scaley's fraternity in his bachelor days, and was, besides, very far from

being taken by surprise on the present agitating occasion, he merely shrugged his shoulders, thrust his hands

down to the bottom of his pockets, elevated his eyebrows, whistled a bar or two, swore an oath or two, and,

sitting astride upon a chair, put the best face upon the matter with great composure and decency.

'Fifteen hundred and twentyseven pound, four and ninepence ha'penny,' replied Mr Scaley, without moving

'It don't matter to us if the fifteen hundred and twentyseven pound went along with it, that I know on,'

'Well,' said the same gentleman, after a pause, 'wot's to be done anything? Is it only a small crack, or a

outandout smash? A breakup of the constitootion is it?werry good. Then Mr Tom Tix, eskvire, you

must inform your angel wife and lovely family as you won't sleep at home for three nights to come, along of

being in possession here. Wot's the good of the lady a fretting herself?' continued Mr Scaley, as Madame

Mantalini sobbed. 'A good half of wot's here isn't paid for, I dessay, and wot a consolation oughtn't that to

With these remarks, combining great pleasantry with sound moral encouragement under difficulties, Mr

Scaley proceeded to take the inventory, in which delicate task he was materially assisted by the uncommon

'My cup of happiness's sweetener,' said Mantalini, approaching his wife with a penitent air; 'will you listen to

CHAPTER 21. Madam Mantalini finds herself in a Situation of some Difficulty, and Miss Nickleby finds herself in no Situation at all 181

'Oh! don't speak to me,' replied his wife, sobbing. 'You have ruined me, and that's enough.'

Mr Mantalini, who had doubtless well considered his part, no sooner heard these words pronounced in a tone

of grief and severity, than he recoiled several paces, assumed an expression of consuming mental agony,

rushed headlong from the room, and was, soon afterwards, heard to slam the door of an upstairs

'Miss Nickleby,' cried Madame Mantalini, when this sound met her ear, 'make haste, for Heaven's sake, he

will destroy himself! I spoke unkindly to him, and he cannot bear it from me. Alfred, my darling Alfred.'

With such exclamations, she hurried upstairs, followed by Kate who, although she did not quite participate in

the fond wife's apprehensions, was a little flurried, nevertheless. The dressing room door being hastily flung

open, Mr Mantalini was disclosed to view, with his shirtcollar symmetrically thrown back: putting a fine

'Ah!' cried Mr Mantalini, 'interrupted!' and whisk went the breakfast knife into Mr Mantalini's dressinggown

pocket, while Mr Mantalini's eyes rolled wildly, and his hair floating in wild disorder, mingled with his

'Alfred,' cried his wife, flinging her arms about him, 'I didn't mean to say it, I didn't mean to say it!'

'Ruined!' cried Mr Mantalini. 'Have I brought ruin upon the best and purest creature that ever blessed a

demnition vagabond! Demmit, let me go.' At this crisis of his ravings Mr Mantalini made a pluck at the

breakfast knife, and being restrained by his wife's grasp, attempted to dash his head against the walltaking

'Compose yourself, my own angel,' said Madame. 'It was nobody's fault; it was mine as much as yours, we

Mr Mantalini did not think proper to come to, all at once; but, after calling several times for poison, and

requesting some lady or gentleman to blow his brains out, gentler feelings came upon him, and he wept

pathetically. In this softened frame of mind he did not oppose the capture of the knifewhich, to tell the

truth, he was rather glad to be rid of, as an inconvenient and dangerous article for a skirt pocketand finally

After a delay of two or three hours, the young ladies were informed that their services would be dispensed

with until further notice, and at the expiration of two days, the name of Mantalini appeared in the list of

bankrupts: Miss Nickleby received an intimation per post, on the same morning, that the business would be,

in future, carried on under the name of Miss Knag, and that her assistance would no longer be requireda

piece of intelligence with which Mrs Nickleby was no sooner made acquainted, than that good lady declared

she had expected it all along and cited divers unknown occasions on which she had prophesied to that precise

'And I say again,' remarked Mrs Nickleby (who, it is scarcely necessary to observe, had never said so before),

'I say again, that a milliner's and dressmaker's is the very last description of business, Kate, that you should

have thought of attaching yourself to. I don't make it a reproach to you, my love; but still I will say, that if

'Recommend!' cried Mrs Nickleby, 'isn't it obvious, my dear, that of all occupations in this world for a young

CHAPTER 21. Madam Mantalini finds herself in a Situation of some Difficulty, and Miss Nickleby finds herself in no Situation at all 182

lady situated as you are, that of companion to some amiable lady is the very thing for which your education,

and manners, and personal appearance, and everything else, exactly qualify you? Did you never hear your

poor dear papa speak of the young lady who was the daughter of the old lady who boarded in the same house

that he boarded in once, when he was a bachelorwhat was her name again? I know it began with a B, and

ended with g, but whether it was Waters orno, it couldn't have been that, either; but whatever her name

was, don't you know that that young lady went as companion to a married lady who died soon afterwards, and

that she married the husband, and had one of the finest little boys that the medical man had ever seenall

Kate knew, perfectly well, that this torrent of favourable recollection was occasioned by some opening, real

or imaginary, which her mother had discovered, in the companionship walk of life. She therefore waited, very

patiently, until all reminiscences and anecdotes, bearing or not bearing upon the subject, had been exhausted,

and at last ventured to inquire what discovery had been made. The truth then came out. Mrs Nickleby had,

that morning, had a yesterday's newspaper of the very first respectability from the publichouse where the

porter came from; and in this yesterday's newspaper was an advertisement, couched in the purest and most

grammatical English, announcing that a married lady was in want of a genteel young person as companion,

and that the married lady's name and address were to be known, on application at a certain library at the west

'And I say,' exclaimed Mrs Nickleby, laying the paper down in triumph, 'that if your uncle don't object, it's

Kate was too sick at heart, after the rough jostling she had already had with the world, and really cared too

little at the moment what fate was reserved for her, to make any objection. Mr Ralph Nickleby offered none,

but, on the contrary, highly approved of the suggestion; neither did he express any great surprise at Madame

Mantalini's sudden failure, indeed it would have been strange if he had, inasmuch as it had been procured and

brought about chiefly by himself. So, the name and address were obtained without loss of time, and Miss

Nickleby and her mama went off in quest of Mrs Wititterly, of Cadogan Place, Sloane Street, that same

Cadogan Place is the one slight bond that joins two great extremes; it is the connecting link between the

aristocratic pavements of Belgrave Square, and the barbarism of Chelsea. It is in Sloane Street, but not of it.

The people in Cadogan Place look down upon Sloane Street, and think Brompton low. They affect fashion

too, and wonder where the New Road is. Not that they claim to be on precisely the same footing as the high

folks of Belgrave Square and Grosvenor Place, but that they stand, with reference to them, rather in the light

of those illegitimate children of the great who are content to boast of their connections, although their

connections disavow them. Wearing as much as they can of the airs and semblances of loftiest rank, the

people of Cadogan Place have the realities of middle station. It is the conductor which communicates to the

inhabitants of regions beyond its limit, the shock of pride of birth and rank, which it has not within itself, but

derives from a fountainhead beyond; or, like the ligament which unites the Siamese twins, it contains

something of the life and essence of two distinct bodies, and yet belongs to neither.

Upon this doubtful ground, lived Mrs Wititterly, and at Mrs Wititterly's door Kate Nickleby knocked with

trembling hand. The door was opened by a big footman with his head floured, or chalked, or painted in some

way (it didn't look genuine powder), and the big footman, receiving the card of introduction, gave it to a little

page; so little, indeed, that his body would not hold, in ordinary array, the number of small buttons which are

indispensable to a page's costume, and they were consequently obliged to be stuck on four abreast. This

young gentleman took the card upstairs on a salver, and pending his return, Kate and her mother were shown

into a diningroom of rather dirty and shabby aspect, and so comfortably arranged as to be adapted to almost

CHAPTER 21. Madam Mantalini finds herself in a Situation of some Difficulty, and Miss Nickleby finds herself in no Situation at all 183

Now, in the ordinary course of things, and according to all authentic descriptions of high life, as set forth in

books, Mrs Wititterly ought to have been in her BOUDOIR; but whether it was that Mr Wititterly was at that

moment shaving himself in the BOUDOIR or what not, certain it is that Mrs Wititterly gave audience in the

drawingroom, where was everything proper and necessary, including curtains and furniture coverings of a

roseate hue, to shed a delicate bloom on Mrs Wititterly's complexion, and a little dog to snap at strangers' legs

for Mrs Wititterly's amusement, and the aforementioned page, to hand chocolate for Mrs Wititterly's

The lady had an air of sweet insipidity, and a face of engaging paleness; there was a faded look about her, and

about the furniture, and about the house. She was reclining on a sofa in such a very unstudied attitude, that

she might have been taken for an actress all ready for the first scene in a ballet, and only waiting for the drop

The page left it; but if ever an Alphonse carried plain Bill in his face and figure, that page was the boy.

'I have ventured to call, ma'am,' said Kate, after a few seconds of awkward silence, 'from having seen your

'I thought, perhaps,' said Kate, modestly, 'that if you had not already made a final choice, you would forgive

'Oh dear no,' interrupted the lady, 'I am not so easily suited. I really don't know what to say. You have never

Mrs Nickleby, who had been eagerly watching her opportunity, came dexterously in, before Kate could reply.

'Not to any stranger, ma'am,' said the good lady; 'but she has been a companion to me for some years. I am

'I assure you, ma'am,' said Mrs Nickleby, 'that I very little thought, at one time, that it would be necessary for

my daughter to go out into the world at all, for her poor dear papa was an independent gentleman, and would

have been at this moment if he had but listened in time to my constant entreaties and'

'My dear Kate, if you will allow me to speak,' said Mrs Nickleby, 'I shall take the liberty of explaining to this

CHAPTER 21. Madam Mantalini finds herself in a Situation of some Difficulty, and Miss Nickleby finds herself in no Situation at all 184

And notwithstanding all the frowns and winks with which Mrs Nickleby intimated that she was going to say

something which would clench the business at once, Kate maintained her point by an expressive look, and for

Kate blushed as she mentioned her principal acquirements, and Mrs Nickleby checked them all off, one by

one, on her fingers; having calculated the number before she came out. Luckily the two calculations agreed,

'You are a good temper?' asked Mrs Wititterly, opening her eyes for an instant, and shutting them again.

'Have the goodness to draw your chair a little nearer, and let me look at you,' said Mrs Wititterly; 'I am so

Kate complied, though not without some embarrassment, with this request, and Mrs Wititterly took a languid

'I like your appearance,' said that lady, ringing a little bell. 'Alphonse, request your master to come here.'

The page disappeared on this errand, and after a short interval, during which not a word was spoken on either

side, opened the door for an important gentleman of about eightandthirty, of rather plebeian countenance,

and with a very light head of hair, who leant over Mrs Wititterly for a little time, and conversed with her in

'Oh!' he said, turning round, 'yes. This is a most important matter. Mrs Wititterly is of a very excitable nature;

'You are, my love, you know you are; one breath' said Mr W., blowing an imaginary feather away. 'Pho!

'Your soul is too large for your body,' said Mr Wititterly. 'Your intellect wears you out; all the medical men

say so; you know that there is not a physician who is not proud of being called in to you. What is their

unanimous declaration? "My dear doctor," said I to Sir Tumley Snuffim, in this very room, the very last time

he came. "My dear doctor, what is my wife's complaint? Tell me all. I can bear it. Is it nerves?" "My dear

fellow," he said, "be proud of that woman; make much of her; she is an ornament to the fashionable world,

and to you. Her complaint is soul. It swells, expands, dilatesthe blood fires, the pulse quickens, the

excitement increasesWhew!"' Here Mr Wititterly, who, in the ardour of his description, had flourished his

right hand to within something less than an inch of Mrs Nickleby's bonnet, drew it hastily back again, and

CHAPTER 21. Madam Mantalini finds herself in a Situation of some Difficulty, and Miss Nickleby finds herself in no Situation at all 185

'You make me out worse than I am, Henry,' said Mrs Wititterly, with a faint smile.

'I do not, Julia, I do not,' said Mr W. 'The society in which you movenecessarily move, from your station,

connection, and endowmentsis one vortex and whirlpool of the most frightful excitement. Bless my heart

and body, can I ever forget the night you danced with the baronet's nephew at the election ball, at Exeter! It

'And for that very reason,' rejoined her husband, 'you must have a companion, in whom there is great

Here, both Mr and Mrs Wititterly, who had talked rather at the Nicklebys than to each other, left off speaking,

and looked at their two hearers, with an expression of countenance which seemed to say, 'What do you think

'Mrs Wititterly,' said her husband, addressing himself to Mrs Nickleby, 'is sought after and courted by

glittering crowds and brilliant circles. She is excited by the opera, the drama, the fine arts, thethethe'

'The nobility, of course,' said Mr Wititterly. 'And the military. She forms and expresses an immense variety of

opinions on an immense variety of subjects. If some people in public life were acquainted with Mrs

Wititterly's real opinion of them, they would not hold their heads, perhaps, quite as high as they do.'

'I mention no names, Julia,' replied Mr Wititterly; 'and nobody is injured. I merely mention the circumstance

to show that you are no ordinary person, that there is a constant friction perpetually going on between your

mind and your body; and that you must be soothed and tended. Now let me hear, dispassionately and calmly,

In obedience to this request, the qualifications were all gone through again, with the addition of many

interruptions and cross questionings from Mr Wititterly. It was finally arranged that inquiries should be

made, and a decisive answer addressed to Miss Nickleby under cover of her uncle, within two days. These

conditions agreed upon, the page showed them down as far as the staircase window; and the big footman,

relieving guard at that point, piloted them in perfect safety to the streetdoor.

'They are very distinguished people, evidently,' said Mrs Nickleby, as she took her daughter's arm. 'What a

'Why, who can help thinking so, Kate, my love?' rejoined her mother. 'She is pale though, and looks much

exhausted. I hope she may not be wearing herself out, but I am very much afraid.'

These considerations led the deepsighted lady into a calculation of the probable duration of Mrs Wititterly's

life, and the chances of the disconsolate widower bestowing his hand on her daughter. Before reaching home,

she had freed Mrs Wititterly's soul from all bodily restraint; married Kate with great splendour at St George's,

CHAPTER 21. Madam Mantalini finds herself in a Situation of some Difficulty, and Miss Nickleby finds herself in no Situation at all 186

Hanover Square; and only left undecided the minor question, whether a splendid Frenchpolished mahogany

bedstead should be erected for herself in the twopair back of the house in Cadogan Place, or in the

threepair front: between which apartments she could not quite balance the advantages, and therefore

adjusted the question at last, by determining to leave it to the decision of her soninlaw.

The inquiries were made. The answernot to Kate's very great joy was favourable; and at the expiration

of a week she betook herself, with all her movables and valuables, to Mrs Wititterly's mansion, where for the

The whole capital which Nicholas found himself entitled to, either in possession, reversion, remainder, or

expectancy, after paying his rent and settling with the broker from whom he had hired his poor furniture, did

not exceed, by more than a few halfpence, the sum of twenty shillings. And yet he hailed the morning on

which he had resolved to quit London, with a light heart, and sprang from his bed with an elasticity of spirit

which is happily the lot of young persons, or the world would never be stocked with old ones.

It was a cold, dry, foggy morning in early spring. A few meagre shadows flitted to and fro in the misty

streets, and occasionally there loomed through the dull vapour, the heavy outline of some hackney coach

wending homewards, which, drawing slowly nearer, rolled jangling by, scattering the thin crust of frost from

its whitened roof, and soon was lost again in the cloud. At intervals were heard the tread of slipshod feet, and

the chilly cry of the poor sweep as he crept, shivering, to his early toil; the heavy footfall of the official

watcher of the night, pacing slowly up and down and cursing the tardy hours that still intervened between him

and sleep; the rambling of ponderous carts and waggons; the roll of the lighter vehicles which carried buyers

and sellers to the different markets; the sound of ineffectual knocking at the doors of heavy sleepersall

these noises fell upon the ear from time to time, but all seemed muffled by the fog, and to be rendered almost

as indistinct to the ear as was every object to the sight. The sluggish darkness thickened as the day came on;

and those who had the courage to rise and peep at the gloomy street from their curtained windows, crept back

Before even these indications of approaching morning were rife in busy London, Nicholas had made his way

alone to the city, and stood beneath the windows of his mother's house. It was dull and bare to see, but it had

light and life for him; for there was at least one heart within its old walls to which insult or dishonour would

He crossed the road, and raised his eyes to the window of the room where he knew his sister slept. It was

closed and dark. 'Poor girl,' thought Nicholas, 'she little thinks who lingers here!'

He looked again, and felt, for the moment, almost vexed that Kate was not there to exchange one word at

parting. 'Good God!' he thought, suddenly correcting himself, 'what a boy I am!'

'It is better as it is,' said Nicholas, after he had lounged on, a few paces, and returned to the same spot. 'When

I left them before, and could have said goodbye a thousand times if I had chosen, I spared them the pain of

leavetaking, and why not now?' As he spoke, some fancied motion of the curtain almost persuaded him, for

the instant, that Kate was at the window, and by one of those strange contradictions of feeling which are

common to us all, he shrunk involuntarily into a doorway, that she might not see him. He smiled at his own

CHAPTER 22. Nicholas, accompanied by Smike, sallies forth to seek his Fortune. He encounters Mr Vincent Crummles; and who he was, is herein made manifest 187

Smike was anxiously expecting him when he reached his old lodgings, and so was Newman, who had

expended a day's income in a can of rum and milk to prepare them for the journey. They had tied up the

luggage, Smike shouldered it, and away they went, with Newman Noggs in company; for he had insisted on

'Because I scarcely know myself, good friend,' rejoined Nicholas, laying his hand upon his shoulder; 'and if I

did, I have neither plan nor prospect yet, and might shift my quarters a hundred times before you could

'So deep,' replied his young friend, 'that even I can't fathom it. Whatever I resolve upon, depend upon it I will

'I am not very likely to,' rejoined Nicholas. 'I have not so many friends that I shall grow confused among the

Occupied in such discourse, they walked on for a couple of hours, as they might have done for a couple of

days if Nicholas had not sat himself down on a stone by the wayside, and resolutely declared his intention of

not moving another step until Newman Noggs turned back. Having pleaded ineffectually first for another

halfmile, and afterwards for another quarter, Newman was fain to comply, and to shape his course towards

Golden Square, after interchanging many hearty and affectionate farewells, and many times turning back to

wave his hat to the two wayfarers when they had become mere specks in the distance.

'Now listen to me, Smike,' said Nicholas, as they trudged with stout hearts onwards. 'We are bound for

Smike nodded his head and smiled, but expressed no other emotion; for whether they had been bound for

Portsmouth or Port Royal would have been alike to him, so they had been bound together.

'I don't know much of these matters,' resumed Nicholas; 'but Portsmouth is a seaport town, and if no other

employment is to be obtained, I should think we might get on board some ship. I am young and active, and

'Well, when I was there,' resumed Smike; his eyes sparkling at the prospect of displaying his abilities; 'I could

'Ha!' said Nicholas, gravely. 'I am afraid they don't keep many animals of either kind on board ship, Smike,

and even when they have horses, that they are not very particular about rubbing them down; still you can

CHAPTER 22. Nicholas, accompanied by Smike, sallies forth to seek his Fortune. He encounters Mr Vincent Crummles; and who he was, is herein made manifest 188

'God knows you are,' rejoined Nicholas; 'and if you fail, it shall go hard but I'll do enough for us both.'

'That would be too severe a trial, even for your willing legs,' said Nicholas, with a goodhumoured smile.

'No. Godalming is some thirty and odd miles from Londonas I found from a map I borrowed and I

purpose to rest there. We must push on again tomorrow, for we are not rich enough to loiter. Let me relieve

'No, no,' rejoined Smike, falling back a few steps. 'Don't ask me to give it up to you.'

'Let me do something for you, at least,' said Smike. 'You will never let me serve you as I ought. You will

'You are a foolish fellow to say it, for I know it well, and see it, or I should be a blind and senseless beast,'

rejoined Nicholas. 'Let me ask you a question while I think of it, and there is no one by,' he added, looking

'I don't know,' said Smike, shaking his head sorrowfully. 'I think I had once; but it's all gone nowall gone.'

'Why do you think you had once?' asked Nicholas, turning quickly upon him as though the answer in some

'Because I could remember, when I was a child,' said Smike, 'but that is very, very long ago, or at least it

seems so. I was always confused and giddy at that place you took me from; and could never remember, and

sometimes couldn't even understand, what they said to me. Ilet me seelet me see!'

'No,' replied his companion, with a vacant look 'I was only thinking how' He shivered involuntarily as he

'Think no more of that place, for it is all over,' retorted Nicholas, fixing his eyes full upon that of his

companion, which was fast settling into an unmeaning stupefied gaze, once habitual to him, and common

'That was before you began to lose your recollection, you know,' said Nicholas quietly. 'Was the weather hot

'Wet,' replied the boy. 'Very wet. I have always said, when it has rained hard, that it was like the night I came:

and they used to crowd round and laugh to see me cry when the rain fell heavily. It was like a child, they said,

and that made me think of it more. I turned cold all over sometimes, for I could see myself as I was then,

CHAPTER 22. Nicholas, accompanied by Smike, sallies forth to seek his Fortune. He encounters Mr Vincent Crummles; and who he was, is herein made manifest 189

'As you were then,' repeated Nicholas, with assumed carelessness; 'how was that?'

'Such a little creature,' said Smike, 'that they might have had pity and mercy upon me, only to remember it.'

'A mana dark, withered man. I have heard them say so, at the school, and I remembered that before. I was

glad to leave him, I was afraid of him; but they made me more afraid of them, and used me harder too.'

'Look at me,' said Nicholas, wishing to attract his full attention. 'There; don't turn away. Do you remember no

woman, no kind woman, who hung over you once, and kissed your lips, and called you her child?'

'No,' rejoined the youth, with a melancholy look; 'a roomI remember I slept in a room, a large lonesome

room at the top of a house, where there was a trapdoor in the ceiling. I have covered my head with the

clothes often, not to see it, for it frightened me: a young child with no one near at night: and I used to wonder

what was on the other side. There was a clock too, an old clock, in one corner. I remember that. I have never

forgotten that room; for when I have terrible dreams, it comes back, just as it was. I see things and people in it

that I had never seen then, but there is the room just as it used to be; THAT never changes.'

'Will you let me take the bundle now?' asked Nicholas, abruptly changing the theme.

He quickened his pace as he said this, apparently under the impression that they had been standing still during

the whole of the previous dialogue. Nicholas marked him closely, and every word of this conversation

It was, by this time, within an hour of noon, and although a dense vapour still enveloped the city they had

left, as if the very breath of its busy people hung over their schemes of gain and profit, and found greater

attraction there than in the quiet region above, in the open country it was clear and fair. Occasionally, in some

low spots they came upon patches of mist which the sun had not yet driven from their strongholds; but these

were soon passed, and as they laboured up the hills beyond, it was pleasant to look down, and see how the

sluggish mass rolled heavily off, before the cheering influence of day. A broad, fine, honest sun lighted up

the green pastures and dimpled water with the semblance of summer, while it left the travellers all the

invigorating freshness of that early time of year. The ground seemed elastic under their feet; the sheepbells

were music to their ears; and exhilarated by exercise, and stimulated by hope, they pushed onward with the

The day wore on, and all these bright colours subsided, and assumed a quieter tint, like young hopes softened

down by time, or youthful features by degrees resolving into the calm and serenity of age. But they were

scarcely less beautiful in their slow decline, than they had been in their prime; for nature gives to every time

and season some beauties of its own; and from morning to night, as from the cradle to the grave, is but a

succession of changes so gentle and easy, that we can scarcely mark their progress.

CHAPTER 22. Nicholas, accompanied by Smike, sallies forth to seek his Fortune. He encounters Mr Vincent Crummles; and who he was, is herein made manifest 190

To Godalming they came at last, and here they bargained for two humble beds, and slept soundly. In the

morning they were astir: though not quite so early as the sun: and again afoot; if not with all the freshness of

It was a harder day's journey than yesterday's, for there were long and weary hills to climb; and in journeys,

as in life, it is a great deal easier to go down hill than up. However, they kept on, with unabated perseverance,

and the hill has not yet lifted its face to heaven that perseverance will not gain the summit of at last.

They walked upon the rim of the Devil's Punch Bowl; and Smike listened with greedy interest as Nicholas

read the inscription upon the stone which, reared upon that wild spot, tells of a murder committed there by

night. The grass on which they stood, had once been dyed with gore; and the blood of the murdered man had

run down, drop by drop, into the hollow which gives the place its name. 'The Devil's Bowl,' thought Nicholas,

Onward they kept, with steady purpose, and entered at length upon a wide and spacious tract of downs, with

every variety of little hill and plain to change their verdant surface. Here, there shot up, almost

perpendicularly, into the sky, a height so steep, as to be hardly accessible to any but the sheep and goats that

fed upon its sides, and there, stood a mound of green, sloping and tapering off so delicately, and merging so

gently into the level ground, that you could scarce define its limits. Hills swelling above each other; and

undulations shapely and uncouth, smooth and rugged, graceful and grotesque, thrown negligently side by

side, bounded the view in each direction; while frequently, with unexpected noise, there uprose from the

ground a flight of crows, who, cawing and wheeling round the nearest hills, as if uncertain of their course,

suddenly poised themselves upon the wing and skimmed down the long vista of some opening valley, with

By degrees, the prospect receded more and more on either hand, and as they had been shut out from rich and

extensive scenery, so they emerged once again upon the open country. The knowledge that they were

drawing near their place of destination, gave them fresh courage to proceed; but the way had been difficult,

and they had loitered on the road, and Smike was tired. Thus, twilight had already closed in, when they

turned off the path to the door of a roadside inn, yet twelve miles short of Portsmouth.

'Twelve miles,' said Nicholas, leaning with both hands on his stick, and looking doubtfully at Smike.

'I want to get on,' observed Nicholas. hesitating. 'I scarcely know what to do.'

'Don't let me influence you,' rejoined the landlord. 'I wouldn't go on if it was me.'

'Not if I knew when I was well off,' said the landlord. And having said it he pulled up his apron, put his hands

into his pockets, and, taking a step or two outside the door, looked down the dark road with an assumption of

A glance at the toilworn face of Smike determined Nicholas, so without any further consideration he made

CHAPTER 22. Nicholas, accompanied by Smike, sallies forth to seek his Fortune. He encounters Mr Vincent Crummles; and who he was, is herein made manifest 191

The landlord led them into the kitchen, and as there was a good fire he remarked that it was very cold. If there

Nicholas suggested cold meat, but there was no cold meatpoached eggs, but there were no eggsmutton

chops, but there wasn't a mutton chop within three miles, though there had been more last week than they

knew what to do with, and would be an extraordinary supply the day after tomorrow.

'Then,' said Nicholas, 'I must leave it entirely to you, as I would have done, at first, if you had allowed me.'

'Why, then I'll tell you what,' rejoined the landlord. 'There's a gentleman in the parlour that's ordered a hot

beefsteak pudding and potatoes, at nine. There's more of it than he can manage, and I have very little doubt

'No, no,' said Nicholas, detaining him. 'I would rather not. Iat leastpshaw! why cannot I speak out?

Here; you see that I am travelling in a very humble manner, and have made my way hither on foot. It is more

than probable, I think, that the gentleman may not relish my company; and although I am the dusty figure you

'Lord love you,' said the landlord, 'it's only Mr Crummles; HE isn't particular.'

'Is he not?' asked Nicholas, on whose mind, to tell the truth, the prospect of the savoury pudding was making

'Not he,' replied the landlord. 'He'll like your way of talking, I know. But we'll soon see all about that. Just

The landlord hurried into the parlour, without staying for further permission, nor did Nicholas strive to

prevent him: wisely considering that supper, under the circumstances, was too serious a matter to be trifled

with. It was not long before the host returned, in a condition of much excitement.

'All right,' he said in a low voice. 'I knew he would. You'll see something rather worth seeing, in there. Ecod,

There was no time to inquire to what this exclamation, which was delivered in a very rapturous tone, referred;

for he had already thrown open the door of the room; into which Nicholas, followed by Smike with the

bundle on his shoulder (he carried it about with him as vigilantly as if it had been a sack of gold), straightway

Nicholas was prepared for something odd, but not for something quite so odd as the sight he encountered. At

the upper end of the room, were a couple of boys, one of them very tall and the other very short, both dressed

as sailorsor at least as theatrical sailors, with belts, buckles, pigtails, and pistols completefighting what

is called in playbills a terrific combat, with two of those short broadswords with basket hilts which are

commonly used at our minor theatres. The short boy had gained a great advantage over the tall boy, who was

reduced to mortal strait, and both were overlooked by a large heavy man, perched against the corner of a

table, who emphatically adjured them to strike a little more fire out of the swords, and they couldn't fail to

CHAPTER 22. Nicholas, accompanied by Smike, sallies forth to seek his Fortune. He encounters Mr Vincent Crummles; and who he was, is herein made manifest 192

'Mr Vincent Crummles,' said the landlord with an air of great deference. 'This is the young gentleman.'

Mr Vincent Crummles received Nicholas with an inclination of the head, something between the courtesy of

a Roman emperor and the nod of a pot companion; and bade the landlord shut the door and begone.

'There's a picture,' said Mr Crummles, motioning Nicholas not to advance and spoil it. 'The little 'un has him;

if the big 'un doesn't knock under, in three seconds, he's a dead man. Do that again, boys.'

The two combatants went to work afresh, and chopped away until the swords emitted a shower of sparks: to

the great satisfaction of Mr Crummles, who appeared to consider this a very great point indeed. The

engagement commenced with about two hundred chops administered by the short sailor and the tall sailor

alternately, without producing any particular result, until the short sailor was chopped down on one knee; but

this was nothing to him, for he worked himself about on the one knee with the assistance of his left hand, and

fought most desperately until the tall sailor chopped his sword out of his grasp. Now, the inference was, that

the short sailor, reduced to this extremity, would give in at once and cry quarter, but, instead of that, he all of

a sudden drew a large pistol from his belt and presented it at the face of the tall sailor, who was so overcome

at this (not expecting it) that he let the short sailor pick up his sword and begin again. Then, the chopping

recommenced, and a variety of fancy chops were administered on both sides; such as chops dealt with the left

hand, and under the leg, and over the right shoulder, and over the left; and when the short sailor made a

vigorous cut at the tall sailor's legs, which would have shaved them clean off if it had taken effect, the tall

sailor jumped over the short sailor's sword, wherefore to balance the matter, and make it all fair, the tall sailor

administered the same cut, and the short sailor jumped over HIS sword. After this, there was a good deal of

dodging about, and hitching up of the inexpressibles in the absence of braces, and then the short sailor (who

was the moral character evidently, for he always had the best of it) made a violent demonstration and closed

with the tall sailor, who, after a few unavailing struggles, went down, and expired in great torture as the short

sailor put his foot upon his breast, and bored a hole in him through and through.

'That'll be a double ENCORE if you take care, boys,' said Mr Crummles. 'You had better get your wind now

Having addressed these words to the combatants, he saluted Nicholas, who then observed that the face of Mr

Crummles was quite proportionate in size to his body; that he had a very full under lip, a hoarse voice, as

though he were in the habit of shouting very much, and very short black hair, shaved off nearly to the crown

of his headto admit (as he afterwards learnt) of his more easily wearing character wigs of any shape or

'I mean if they were a little more of a size,' said Nicholas, explaining himself.

'Size!' repeated Mr Crummles; 'why, it's the essence of the combat that there should be a foot or two between

them. How are you to get up the sympathies of the audience in a legitimate manner, if there isn't a little man

contending against a big one?unless there's at least five to one, and we haven't hands enough for that

CHAPTER 22. Nicholas, accompanied by Smike, sallies forth to seek his Fortune. He encounters Mr Vincent Crummles; and who he was, is herein made manifest 193

'I see,' replied Nicholas. 'I beg your pardon. That didn't occur to me, I confess.'

'It's the main point,' said Mr Crummles. 'I open at Portsmouth the day after tomorrow. If you're going there,

Nicholas promised to do so, if he could, and drawing a chair near the fire, fell into conversation with the

manager at once. He was very talkative and communicative, stimulated perhaps, not only by his natural

disposition, but by the spirits and water he sipped very plentifully, or the snuff he took in large quantities

from a piece of whiteybrown paper in his waistcoat pocket. He laid open his affairs without the smallest

reserve, and descanted at some length upon the merits of his company, and the acquirements of his family; of

both of which, the two broadsword boys formed an honourable portion. There was to be a gathering, it

seemed, of the different ladies and gentlemen at Portsmouth on the morrow, whither the father and sons were

proceeding (not for the regular season, but in the course of a wandering speculation), after fulfilling an

'Do you know the town at all?' inquired the manager, who seemed to consider himself entitled to the same

Mr Vincent Crummles gave a short dry cough, as much as to say, 'If you won't be communicative, you won't;'

and took so many pinches of snuff from the piece of paper, one after another, that Nicholas quite wondered

While he was thus engaged, Mr Crummles looked, from time to time, with great interest at Smike, with

whom he had appeared considerably struck from the first. He had now fallen asleep, and was nodding in his

'Excuse my saying so,' said the manager, leaning over to Nicholas, and sinking his voice, 'but what a capital

'Poor fellow!' said Nicholas, with a halfsmile, 'I wish it were a little more plump, and less haggard.'

'Think so, sir! Why, as he is now,' said the manager, striking his knee emphatically; 'without a pad upon his

body, and hardly a touch of paint upon his face, he'd make such an actor for the starved business as was never

seen in this country. Only let him be tolerably well up in the Apothecary in Romeo and Juliet, with the

slightest possible dab of red on the tip of his nose, and he'd be certain of three rounds the moment he put his

CHAPTER 22. Nicholas, accompanied by Smike, sallies forth to seek his Fortune. He encounters Mr Vincent Crummles; and who he was, is herein made manifest 194

'And well I may,' rejoined the manager. 'I never saw a young fellow so regularly cut out for that line, since

I've been in the profession. And I played the heavy children when I was eighteen months old.'

The appearance of the beefsteak pudding, which came in simultaneously with the junior Vincent

Crummleses, turned the conversation to other matters, and indeed, for a time, stopped it altogether. These two

young gentlemen wielded their knives and forks with scarcely less address than their broadswords, and as

the whole party were quite as sharp set as either class of weapons, there was no time for talking until the

The Master Crummleses had no sooner swallowed the last procurable morsel of food, than they evinced, by

various halfsuppressed yawns and stretchings of their limbs, an obvious inclination to retire for the night,

which Smike had betrayed still more strongly: he having, in the course of the meal, fallen asleep several

times while in the very act of eating. Nicholas therefore proposed that they should break up at once, but the

manager would by no means hear of it; vowing that he had promised himself the pleasure of inviting his new

acquaintance to share a bowl of punch, and that if he declined, he should deem it very unhandsome

'Let them go,' said Mr Vincent Crummles, 'and we'll have it snugly and cosily together by the fire.'

Nicholas was not much disposed to sleepbeing in truth too anxious so, after a little demur, he accepted

the offer, and having exchanged a shake of the hand with the young Crummleses, and the manager having on

his part bestowed a most affectionate benediction on Smike, he sat himself down opposite to that gentleman

by the fireside to assist in emptying the bowl, which soon afterwards appeared, steaming in a manner which

was quite exhilarating to behold, and sending forth a most grateful and inviting fragrance.

But, despite the punch and the manager, who told a variety of stories, and smoked tobacco from a pipe, and

inhaled it in the shape of snuff, with a most astonishing power, Nicholas was absent and dispirited. His

thoughts were in his old home, and when they reverted to his present condition, the uncertainty of the morrow

cast a gloom upon him, which his utmost efforts were unable to dispel. His attention wandered; although he

heard the manager's voice, he was deaf to what he said; and when Mr Vincent Crummles concluded the

history of some long adventure with a loud laugh, and an inquiry what Nicholas would have done under the

same circumstances, he was obliged to make the best apology in his power, and to confess his entire

'Why, so I saw,' observed Mr Crummles. 'You're uneasy in your mind. What's the matter?'

Nicholas could not refrain from smiling at the abruptness of the question; but, thinking it scarcely worth

while to parry it, owned that he was under some apprehensions lest he might not succeed in the object which

'Getting something to do which will keep me and my poor fellow traveller in the common necessaries of

life,' said Nicholas. 'That's the truth. You guessed it long ago, I dare say, so I may as well have the credit of

'What's to be got to do at Portsmouth more than anywhere else?' asked Mr Vincent Crummles, melting the

CHAPTER 22. Nicholas, accompanied by Smike, sallies forth to seek his Fortune. He encounters Mr Vincent Crummles; and who he was, is herein made manifest 195

sealingwax on the stem of his pipe in the candle, and rolling it out afresh with his little finger.

'There are many vessels leaving the port, I suppose,' replied Nicholas. 'I shall try for a berth in some ship or

'Salt meat and new rum; peasepudding and chaffbiscuits,' said the manager, taking a whiff at his pipe to

'One may do worse than that,' said Nicholas. 'I can rough it, I believe, as well as most young men of my age

'You need be able to,' said the manager, 'if you go on board ship; but you won't.'

'Because there's not a skipper or mate that would think you worth your salt, when he could get a practised

hand,' replied the manager; 'and they as plentiful there, as the oysters in the streets.'

'What do you mean?' asked Nicholas, alarmed by this prediction, and the confident tone in which it had been

Mr Vincent Crummles nodded his head. 'They must; but not at your age, or from young gentlemen like you.'

There was a pause. The countenance of Nicholas fell, and he gazed ruefully at the fire.

'Does no other profession occur to you, which a young man of your figure and address could take up easily,

'Why, then, I'll tell you one,' said Mr Crummles, throwing his pipe into the fire, and raising his voice. 'The

'The theatrical profession,' said Mr Vincent Crummles. 'I am in the theatrical profession myself, my wife is in

the theatrical profession, my children are in the theatrical profession. I had a dog that lived and died in it from

a puppy; and my chaisepony goes on, in Timour the Tartar. I'll bring you out, and your friend too. Say the

'I don't know anything about it,' rejoined Nicholas, whose breath had been almost taken away by this sudden

'There's genteel comedy in your walk and manner, juvenile tragedy in your eye, and touchandgo farce in

your laugh,' said Mr Vincent Crummles. 'You'll do as well as if you had thought of nothing else but the

Nicholas thought of the small amount of small change that would remain in his pocket after paying the tavern

'You can be useful to us in a hundred ways,' said Mr Crummles. 'Think what capital bills a man of your

CHAPTER 22. Nicholas, accompanied by Smike, sallies forth to seek his Fortune. He encounters Mr Vincent Crummles; and who he was, is herein made manifest 196

'To be sure you could,' replied Mr Crummles. '"For further particulars see small handbills"we might have

half a volume in every one of 'em. Pieces too; why, you could write us a piece to bring out the whole strength

'I am not quite so confident about that,' replied Nicholas. 'But I dare say I could scribble something now and

'We'll have a new showpiece out directly,' said the manager. 'Let me seepeculiar resources of this

establishmentnew and splendid sceneryyou must manage to introduce a real pump and two washing

'Yes,' replied the manager. 'I bought 'em cheap, at a sale the other day, and they'll come in admirably. That's

the London plan. They look up some dresses, and properties, and have a piece written to fit 'em. Most of the

'Oh, yes,' said the manager; 'a common thing. It'll look very well in the bills in separate linesReal

pump!Splendid tubs!Great attraction! You don't happen to be anything of an artist, do you?'

'Ah! Then it can't be helped,' said the manager. 'If you had been, we might have had a large woodcut of the

last scene for the posters, showing the whole depth of the stage, with the pump and tubs in the middle; but,

'What should I get for all this?' inquired Nicholas, after a few moments' reflection. 'Could I live by it?'

'Live by it!' said the manager. 'Like a prince! With your own salary, and your friend's, and your writings,

Nicholas shrugged his shoulders; but sheer destitution was before him; and if he could summon fortitude to

undergo the extremes of want and hardship, for what had he rescued his helpless charge if it were only to bear

as hard a fate as that from which he had wrested him? It was easy to think of seventy miles as nothing, when

he was in the same town with the man who had treated him so ill and roused his bitterest thoughts; but now, it

seemed far enough. What if he went abroad, and his mother or Kate were to die the while?

Without more deliberation, he hastily declared that it was a bargain, and gave Mr Vincent Crummles his hand

CHAPTER 22. Nicholas, accompanied by Smike, sallies forth to seek his Fortune. He encounters Mr Vincent Crummles; and who he was, is herein made manifest 197

As Mr Crummles had a strange fourlegged animal in the inn stables, which he called a pony, and a vehicle

of unknown design, on which he bestowed the appellation of a fourwheeled phaeton, Nicholas proceeded on

his journey next morning with greater ease than he had expected: the manager and himself occupying the

front seat: and the Master Crummleses and Smike being packed together behind, in company with a wicker

basket defended from wet by a stout oilskin, in which were the broadswords, pistols, pigtails, nautical

The pony took his time upon the road, andpossibly in consequence of his theatrical educationevinced,

every now and then, a strong inclination to lie down. However, Mr Vincent Crummles kept him up pretty

well, by jerking the rein, and plying the whip; and when these means failed, and the animal came to a stand,

the elder Master Crummles got out and kicked him. By dint of these encouragements, he was persuaded to

move from time to time, and they jogged on (as Mr Crummles truly observed) very comfortably for all

He might have been at bottom, but he certainly was not at top, seeing that his coat was of the roughest and

most illfavoured kind. So, Nicholas merely observed that he shouldn't wonder if he was.

'Many and many is the circuit this pony has gone,' said Mr Crummles, flicking him skilfully on the eyelid for

'She ate applepie at a circus for upwards of fourteen years,' said the manager; 'fired pistols, and went to bed

in a nightcap; and, in short, took the low comedy entirely. His father was a dancer.'

'Not very,' said the manager. 'He was rather a low sort of pony. The fact is, he had been originally jobbed out

by the day, and he never quite got over his old habits. He was clever in melodrama too, but too broadtoo

'Drinking portwine with the clown,' said the manager; 'but he was greedy, and one night bit off the bowl of

The descendant of this illstarred animal requiring increased attention from Mr Crummles as he progressed

in his day's work, that gentleman had very little time for conversation. Nicholas was thus left at leisure to

entertain himself with his own thoughts, until they arrived at the drawbridge at Portsmouth, when Mr

'We'll get down here,' said the manager, 'and the boys will take him round to the stable, and call at my

lodgings with the luggage. You had better let yours be taken there, for the present.'

Thanking Mr Vincent Crummles for his obliging offer, Nicholas jumped out, and, giving Smike his arm,

CHAPTER 23. Treats of the Company of Mr Vincent Crummles, and of his Affairs, Domestic and Theatrical 198

accompanied the manager up High Street on their way to the theatre; feeling nervous and uncomfortable

They passed a great many bills, pasted against the walls and displayed in windows, wherein the names of Mr

Vincent Crummles, Mrs Vincent Crummles, Master Crummles, Master P. Crummles, and Miss Crummles,

were printed in very large letters, and everything else in very small ones; and, turning at length into an entry,

in which was a strong smell of orangepeel and lampoil, with an undercurrent of sawdust, groped their

way through a dark passage, and, descending a step or two, threaded a little maze of canvas screens and paint

It was not very light, but Nicholas found himself close to the first entrance on the prompt side, among bare

walls, dusty scenes, mildewed clouds, heavily daubed draperies, and dirty floors. He looked about him;

ceiling, pit, boxes, gallery, orchestra, fittings, and decorations of every kind,all looked coarse, cold,

'Is this a theatre?' whispered Smike, in amazement; 'I thought it was a blaze of light and finery.'

'Why, so it is,' replied Nicholas, hardly less surprised; 'but not by day, Smikenot by day.'

The manager's voice recalled him from a more careful inspection of the building, to the opposite side of the

proscenium, where, at a small mahogany table with rickety legs and of an oblong shape, sat a stout, portly

female, apparently between forty and fifty, in a tarnished silk cloak, with her bonnet dangling by the strings

in her hand, and her hair (of which she had a great quantity) braided in a large festoon over each temple.

'Mr Johnson,' said the manager (for Nicholas had given the name which Newman Noggs had bestowed upon

him in his conversation with Mrs Kenwigs), 'let me introduce Mrs Vincent Crummles.'

'I am glad to see you, sir,' said Mrs Vincent Crummles, in a sepulchral voice. 'I am very glad to see you, and

The lady shook Nicholas by the hand as she addressed him in these terms; he saw it was a large one, but had

'And this,' said the lady, crossing to Smike, as tragic actresses cross when they obey a stage direction, 'and

As Mrs Vincent Crummles recrossed back to the table, there bounded on to the stage from some mysterious

inlet, a little girl in a dirty white frock with tucks up to the knees, short trousers, sandaled shoes, white

spencer, pink gauze bonnet, green veil and curl papers; who turned a pirouette, cut twice in the air, turned

another pirouette, then, looking off at the opposite wing, shrieked, bounded forward to within six inches of

the footlights, and fell into a beautiful attitude of terror, as a shabby gentleman in an old pair of buff slippers

came in at one powerful slide, and chattering his teeth, fiercely brandished a walkingstick.

CHAPTER 23. Treats of the Company of Mr Vincent Crummles, and of his Affairs, Domestic and Theatrical 199

'Oh!' said the manager, 'the little ballet interlude. Very good, go on. A little this way, if you please, Mr

The manager clapped his hands as a signal to proceed, and the savage, becoming ferocious, made a slide

towards the maiden; but the maiden avoided him in six twirls, and came down, at the end of the last one,

upon the very points of her toes. This seemed to make some impression upon the savage; for, after a little

more ferocity and chasing of the maiden into corners, he began to relent, and stroked his face several times

with his right thumb and four fingers, thereby intimating that he was struck with admiration of the maiden's

beauty. Acting upon the impulse of this passion, he (the savage) began to hit himself severe thumps in the

chest, and to exhibit other indications of being desperately in love, which being rather a prosy proceeding,

was very likely the cause of the maiden's falling asleep; whether it was or no, asleep she did fall, sound as a

church, on a sloping bank, and the savage perceiving it, leant his left ear on his left hand, and nodded

sideways, to intimate to all whom it might concern that she WAS asleep, and no shamming. Being left to

himself, the savage had a dance, all alone. Just as he left off, the maiden woke up, rubbed her eyes, got off the

bank, and had a dance all alone toosuch a dance that the savage looked on in ecstasy all the while, and

when it was done, plucked from a neighbouring tree some botanical curiosity, resembling a small pickled

cabbage, and offered it to the maiden, who at first wouldn't have it, but on the savage shedding tears relented.

Then the savage jumped for joy; then the maiden jumped for rapture at the sweet smell of the pickled

cabbage. Then the savage and the maiden danced violently together, and, finally, the savage dropped down

on one knee, and the maiden stood on one leg upon his other knee; thus concluding the ballet, and leaving the

spectators in a state of pleasing uncertainty, whether she would ultimately marry the savage, or return to her

'This, sir,' said Mr Vincent Crummles, bringing the maiden forward, 'this is the infant phenomenonMiss

'My daughtermy daughter,' replied Mr Vincent Crummles; 'the idol of every place we go into, sir. We have

had complimentary letters about this girl, sir, from the nobility and gentry of almost every town in England.'

'I am not surprised at that,' said Nicholas; 'she must be quite a natural genius.'

'Quite a!' Mr Crummles stopped: language was not powerful enough to describe the infant phenomenon.

'I'll tell you what, sir,' he said; 'the talent of this child is not to be imagined. She must be seen, sirseento

'You may, sir,' replied Mr Crummles, looking steadily in his questioner's face, as some men do when they

have doubts about being implicitly believed in what they are going to say. 'She is ten years of age, sir.'

CHAPTER 23. Treats of the Company of Mr Vincent Crummles, and of his Affairs, Domestic and Theatrical 200

It was; for the infant phenomenon, though of short stature, had a comparatively aged countenance, and had

moreover been precisely the same agenot perhaps to the full extent of the memory of the oldest inhabitant,

but certainly for five good years. But she had been kept up late every night, and put upon an unlimited

allowance of ginandwater from infancy, to prevent her growing tall, and perhaps this system of training

While this short dialogue was going on, the gentleman who had enacted the savage, came up, with his

walking shoes on his feet, and his slippers in his hand, to within a few paces, as if desirous to join in the

'Ah!' said the actor, setting his teeth together, and drawing in his breath with a hissing sound, 'she oughtn't to

'I mean to say,' replied the other, warmly, 'that she is too good for country boards, and that she ought to be in

one of the large houses in London, or nowhere; and I tell you more, without mincing the matter, that if it

wasn't for envy and jealousy in some quarter that you know of, she would be. Perhaps you'll introduce me

'Happy to know you, sir.' Mr Folair touched the brim of his hat with his forefinger, and then shook hands. 'A

'Did you ever see such a setout as that?' whispered the actor, drawing him away, as Crummles left them to

Mr Folair made a funny face from his pantomime collection, and pointed over his shoulder.

'Infant humbug, sir,' replied Mr Folair. 'There isn't a female child of common sharpness in a charity school,

that couldn't do better than that. She may thank her stars she was born a manager's daughter.'

'Yes, by Jove, and well I may,' said Mr Folair, drawing his arm through his, and walking him up and down

the stage. 'Isn't it enough to make a man crusty to see that little sprawler put up in the best business every

night, and actually keeping money out of the house, by being forced down the people's throats, while other

people are passed over? Isn't it extraordinary to see a man's confounded family conceit blinding him, even to

his own interest? Why I KNOW of fifteen and sixpence that came to Southampton one night last month, to

see me dance the Highland Fling; and what's the consequence? I've never been put up in it sincenever

CHAPTER 23. Treats of the Company of Mr Vincent Crummles, and of his Affairs, Domestic and Theatrical 201

oncewhile the "infant phenomenon" has been grinning through artificial flowers at five people and a baby

'If I may judge from what I have seen of you,' said Nicholas, 'you must be a valuable member of the

'Oh!' replied Mr Folair, beating his slippers together, to knock the dust out; 'I CAN come it pretty

wellnobody better, perhaps, in my own linebut having such business as one gets here, is like putting

lead on one's feet instead of chalk, and dancing in fetters without the credit of it. Holloa, old fellow, how are

The gentleman addressed in these latter words was a dark complexioned man, inclining indeed to sallow,

with long thick black hair, and very evident inclinations (although he was close shaved) of a stiff beard, and

whiskers of the same deep shade. His age did not appear to exceed thirty, though many at first sight would

have considered him much older, as his face was long, and very pale, from the constant application of stage

paint. He wore a checked shirt, an old green coat with new gilt buttons, a neckerchief of broad red and green

stripes, and full blue trousers; he carried, too, a common ash walkingstick, apparently more for show than

use, as he flourished it about, with the hooked end downwards, except when he raised it for a few seconds,

and throwing himself into a fencing attitude, made a pass or two at the sidescenes, or at any other object,

animate or inanimate, that chanced to afford him a pretty good mark at the moment.

'Well, Tommy,' said this gentleman, making a thrust at his friend, who parried it dexterously with his slipper,

'Do the honours, Tommy, do the honours,' said the other gentleman, tapping him reproachfully on the crown

'This is Mr Lenville, who does our first tragedy, Mr Johnson,' said the pantomimist.

'Except when old bricks and mortar takes it into his head to do it himself, you should add, Tommy,' remarked

'We call Crummles that, because his style of acting is rather in the heavy and ponderous way,' said Mr

Lenville. 'I mustn't be cracking jokes though, for I've got a part of twelve lengths here, which I must be up in

tomorrow night, and I haven't had time to look at it yet; I'm a confounded quick study, that's one comfort.'

Consoling himself with this reflection, Mr Lenville drew from his coat pocket a greasy and crumpled

manuscript, and, having made another pass at his friend, proceeded to walk to and fro, conning it to himself

and indulging occasionally in such appropriate action as his imagination and the text suggested.

A pretty general muster of the company had by this time taken place; for besides Mr Lenville and his friend

Tommy, there were present, a slim young gentleman with weak eyes, who played the lowspirited lovers and

sang tenor songs, and who had come arminarm with the comic countrymana man with a turnedup

nose, large mouth, broad face, and staring eyes. Making himself very amiable to the infant phenomenon, was

an inebriated elderly gentleman in the last depths of shabbiness, who played the calm and virtuous old men;

and paying especial court to Mrs Crummles was another elderly gentleman, a shade more respectable, who

played the irascible old menthose funny fellows who have nephews in the army and perpetually run about

CHAPTER 23. Treats of the Company of Mr Vincent Crummles, and of his Affairs, Domestic and Theatrical 202

with thick sticks to compel them to marry heiresses. Besides these, there was a rovinglooking person in a

rough greatcoat, who strode up and down in front of the lamps, flourishing a dress cane, and rattling away,

in an undertone, with great vivacity for the amusement of an ideal audience. He was not quite so young as he

had been, and his figure was rather running to seed; but there was an air of exaggerated gentility about him,

which bespoke the hero of swaggering comedy. There was, also, a little group of three or four young men

with lantern jaws and thick eyebrows, who were conversing in one corner; but they seemed to be of

secondary importance, and laughed and talked together without attracting any attention.

The ladies were gathered in a little knot by themselves round the rickety table before mentioned. There was

Miss Snevellicciwho could do anything, from a medley dance to Lady Macbeth, and also always played

some part in blue silk kneesmalls at her benefit glancing, from the depths of her coalscuttle straw

bonnet, at Nicholas, and affecting to be absorbed in the recital of a diverting story to her friend Miss Ledrook,

who had brought her work, and was making up a ruff in the most natural manner possible. There was Miss

Belvawneywho seldom aspired to speaking parts, and usually went on as a page in white silk hose, to stand

with one leg bent, and contemplate the audience, or to go in and out after Mr Crummles in stately

tragedytwisting up the ringlets of the beautiful Miss Bravassa, who had once had her likeness taken 'in

character' by an engraver's apprentice, whereof impressions were hung up for sale in the pastrycook's

window, and the greengrocer's, and at the circulating library, and the boxoffice, whenever the announce

bills came out for her annual night. There was Mrs Lenville, in a very limp bonnet and veil, decidedly in that

way in which she would wish to be if she truly loved Mr Lenville; there was Miss Gazingi, with an imitation

ermine boa tied in a loose knot round her neck, flogging Mr Crummles, junior, with both ends, in fun. Lastly,

there was Mrs Grudden in a brown cloth pelisse and a beaver bonnet, who assisted Mrs Crummles in her

domestic affairs, and took money at the doors, and dressed the ladies, and swept the house, and held the

prompt book when everybody else was on for the last scene, and acted any kind of part on any emergency

without ever learning it, and was put down in the bills under my name or names whatever, that occurred to

Mr Folair having obligingly confided these particulars to Nicholas, left him to mingle with his fellows; the

work of personal introduction was completed by Mr Vincent Crummles, who publicly heralded the new actor

'I beg your pardon,' said Miss Snevellicci, sidling towards Nicholas, 'but did you ever play at Canterbury?'

'I recollect meeting a gentleman at Canterbury,' said Miss Snevellicci, 'only for a few moments, for I was

leaving the company as he joined it, so like you that I felt almost certain it was the same.'

'I see you now for the first time,' rejoined Nicholas with all due gallantry. 'I am sure I never saw you before; I

'Oh, I'm sureit's very flattering of you to say so,' retorted Miss Snevellicci with a graceful bend. 'Now I

look at you again, I see that the gentleman at Canterbury hadn't the same eyes as youyou'll think me very

'Not at all,' said Nicholas. 'How can I feel otherwise than flattered by your notice in any way?'

'Oh! you men are such vain creatures!' cried Miss Snevellicci. Whereupon, she became charmingly confused,

and, pulling out her pockethandkerchief from a faded pink silk reticule with a gilt clasp, called to Miss

CHAPTER 23. Treats of the Company of Mr Vincent Crummles, and of his Affairs, Domestic and Theatrical 203

But Miss Ledrook wouldn't come to Miss Snevellicci, so Miss Snevellicci was obliged to go to Miss

Ledrook, which she did, in a skipping manner that was quite fascinating; and Miss Ledrook evidently joked

Miss Snevellicci about being struck with Nicholas; for, after some playful whispering, Miss Snevellicci hit

Miss Ledrook very hard on the backs of her hands, and retired up, in a state of pleasing confusion.

'Ladies and gentlemen,' said Mr Vincent Crummles, who had been writing on a piece of paper, 'we'll call the

Mortal Struggle tomorrow at ten; everybody for the procession. Intrigue, and Ways and Means, you're all up

'On Monday morning we shall read a new piece,' said Mr Crummles; 'the name's not known yet, but

'On Monday morning,' repeated Mr Crummles, raising his voice, to drown the unfortunate Mr Johnson's

The ladies and gentlemen required no second notice to quit; and, in a few minutes, the theatre was deserted,

'Upon my word,' said Nicholas, taking the manager aside, 'I don't think I can be ready by Monday.'

'But really I can't,' returned Nicholas; 'my invention is not accustomed to these demands, or possibly I might

'Invention! what the devil's that got to do with it!' cried the manager hastily.

'Nothing, my dear sir,' retorted the manager, with evident impatience. 'Do you understand French?'

'Very good,' said the manager, opening the table drawer, and giving a roll of paper from it to Nicholas.

'There! Just turn that into English, and put your name on the titlepage. Damn me,' said Mr Crummles,

angrily, 'if I haven't often said that I wouldn't have a man or woman in my company that wasn't master of the

language, so that they might learn it from the original, and play it in English, and save all this trouble and

CHAPTER 23. Treats of the Company of Mr Vincent Crummles, and of his Affairs, Domestic and Theatrical 204

Nicholas could not help thinking that, for the first week, it would be an uncommon convenience to have a

turnup bedstead in the pit, but he merely remarked that he had not turned his thoughts that way.

'Come home with me then,' said Mr Crummles, 'and my boys shall go with you after dinner, and show you

The offer was not to be refused; Nicholas and Mr Crummles gave Mrs Crummles an arm each, and walked up

the street in stately array. Smike, the boys, and the phenomenon, went home by a shorter cut, and Mrs

Grudden remained behind to take some cold Irish stew and a pint of porter in the boxoffice.

Mrs Crummles trod the pavement as if she were going to immediate execution with an animating

consciousness of innocence, and that heroic fortitude which virtue alone inspires. Mr Crummles, on the other

hand, assumed the look and gait of a hardened despot; but they both attracted some notice from many of the

passersby, and when they heard a whisper of 'Mr and Mrs Crummles!' or saw a little boy run back to stare

them in the face, the severe expression of their countenances relaxed, for they felt it was popularity.

Mr Crummles lived in St Thomas's Street, at the house of one Bulph, a pilot, who sported a boatgreen door,

with windowframes of the same colour, and had the little finger of a drowned man on his parlour

mantelshelf, with other maritime and natural curiosities. He displayed also a brass knocker, a brass plate, and

a brass bell handle, all very bright and shining; and had a mast, with a vane on the top of it, in his back yard.

'You are welcome,' said Mrs Crummles, turning round to Nicholas when they reached the bowwindowed

Nicholas bowed his acknowledgments, and was unfeignedly glad to see the cloth laid.

'We have but a shoulder of mutton with onion sauce,' said Mrs Crummles, in the same charnelhouse voice;

The slave who attended upon Mr Bulph's lodgers, disappeared, and after a short interval reappeared with the

festive banquet. Nicholas and the infant phenomenon opposed each other at the pembroketable, and Smike

CHAPTER 23. Treats of the Company of Mr Vincent Crummles, and of his Affairs, Domestic and Theatrical 205

'So do I,' said Nicholas; 'if they have no relish for theatrical entertainments, properly conducted.'

'Then they have none, sir,' rejoined Mr Crummles. 'To the infant's benefit, last year, on which occasion she

repeated three of her most popular characters, and also appeared in the Fairy Porcupine, as originally

'And two pound of that was trust,' repeated Mr Crummles. 'Mrs Crummles herself has played to mere

'Most audiences are, when they have good actingreal good acting the regular thing,' replied Mr

'There has been,' said Mrs Crummles. 'I have received pupils here. I imparted tuition to the daughter of a

dealer in ships' provision; but it afterwards appeared that she was insane when she first came to me. It was

'Let me see,' said the manager cogitating after dinner. 'Would you like some nice little part with the infant?'

'You are very good,' replied Nicholas hastily; 'but I think perhaps it would be better if I had somebody of my

own size at first, in case I should turn out awkward. I should feel more at home, perhaps.'

'True,' said the manager. 'Perhaps you would. And you could play up to the infant, in time, you know.'

'Certainly,' replied Nicholas: devoutly hoping that it would be a very long time before he was honoured with

'Then I'll tell you what we'll do,' said Mr Crummles. 'You shall study Romeo when you've done that

piecedon't forget to throw the pump and tubs in bythebyeJuliet Miss Snevellicci, old Grudden the

nurse.Yes, that'll do very well. Rover too;you might get up Rover while you were about it, and Cassio,

and Jeremy Diddler. You can easily knock them off; one part helps the other so much. Here they are, cues

With these hasty general directions Mr Crummles thrust a number of little books into the faltering hands of

Nicholas, and bidding his eldest son go with him and show where lodgings were to be had, shook him by the

CHAPTER 23. Treats of the Company of Mr Vincent Crummles, and of his Affairs, Domestic and Theatrical 206

There is no lack of comfortable furnished apartments in Portsmouth, and no difficulty in finding some that

are proportionate to very slender finances; but the former were too good, and the latter too bad, and they went

into so many houses, and came out unsuited, that Nicholas seriously began to think he should be obliged to

Eventually, however, they stumbled upon two small rooms up three pair of stairs, or rather two pair and a

ladder, at a tobacconist's shop, on the Common Hard: a dirty street leading down to the dockyard. These

Nicholas engaged, only too happy to have escaped any request for payment of a week's rent beforehand.

'There! Lay down our personal property, Smike,' he said, after showing young Crummles downstairs. 'We

have fallen upon strange times, and Heaven only knows the end of them; but I am tired with the events of

Nicholas was up betimes in the morning; but he had scarcely begun to dress, notwithstanding, when he heard

footsteps ascending the stairs, and was presently saluted by the voices of Mr Folair the pantomimist, and Mr

'Confound these fellows!' thought Nicholas; 'they have come to breakfast, I suppose. I'll open the door

The gentlemen entreated him not to hurry himself; and, to beguile the interval, had a fencing bout with their

walkingsticks on the very small landingplace: to the unspeakable discomposure of all the other lodgers

'Here, come in,' said Nicholas, when he had completed his toilet. 'In the name of all that's horrible, don't make

'An uncommon snug little box this,' said Mr Lenville, stepping into the front room, and taking his hat off,

'For a man at all particular in such matters, it might be a trifle too snug,' said Nicholas; 'for, although it is,

undoubtedly, a great convenience to be able to reach anything you want from the ceiling or the floor, or either

side of the room, without having to move from your chair, still these advantages can only be had in an

'It isn't a bit too confined for a single man,' returned Mr Lenville. 'That reminds me,my wife, Mr

'I glanced at the French copy last night,' said Nicholas. 'It looks very good, I think.'

'What do you mean to do for me, old fellow?' asked Mr Lenville, poking the struggling fire with his

walkingstick, and afterwards wiping it on the skirt of his coat. 'Anything in the gruff and grumble way?'

CHAPTER 24. Of the Great Bespeak for Miss Snevellicci, and the first Appearance of Nicholas upon any Stage 207

'You turn your wife and child out of doors,' said Nicholas; 'and, in a fit of rage and jealousy, stab your eldest

'After which,' said Nicholas, 'you are troubled with remorse till the last act, and then you make up your mind

to destroy yourself. But, just as you are raising the pistol to your head, a clock strikesten.'

'You pause,' said Nicholas; 'you recollect to have heard a clock strike ten in your infancy. The pistol falls

from your handyou are overcomeyou burst into tears, and become a virtuous and exemplary character

'Capital!' said Mr Lenville: 'that's a sure card, a sure card. Get the curtain down with a touch of nature like

'Let me see,' said Nicholas. 'You play the faithful and attached servant; you are turned out of doors with the

'Always coupled with that infernal phenomenon,' sighed Mr Folair; 'and we go into poor lodgings, where I

'I must have a dance of some kind, you know,' said Mr Folair. 'You'll have to introduce one for the

'There's nothing easier than that,' said Mr Lenville, observing the disturbed looks of the young dramatist.

'Why, isn't it obvious?' reasoned Mr Lenville. 'Gadzooks, who can help seeing the way to do it?you

astonish me! You get the distressed lady, and the little child, and the attached servant, into the poor lodgings,

don't you?Well, look here. The distressed lady sinks into a chair, and buries her face in her pocket

handkerchief. "What makes you weep, mama?" says the child. "Don't weep, mama, or you'll make me weep

too!""And me!" says the favourite servant, rubbing his eyes with his arm. "What can we do to raise your

spirits, dear mama?" says the little child. "Ay, what CAN we do?" says the faithful servant. "Oh, Pierre!" says

the distressed lady; "would that I could shake off these painful thoughts.""Try, ma'am, try," says the

faithful servant; "rouse yourself, ma'am; be amused.""I will," says the lady, "I will learn to suffer with

fortitude. Do you remember that dance, my honest friend, which, in happier days, you practised with this

sweet angel? It never failed to calm my spirits then. Oh! let me see it once again before I die!"There it

iscue for the band, BEFORE I DIE, and off they go. That's the regular thing; isn't it, Tommy?'

'That's it,' replied Mr Folair. 'The distressed lady, overpowered by old recollections, faints at the end of the

Profiting by these and other lessons, which were the result of the personal experience of the two actors,

Nicholas willingly gave them the best breakfast he could, and, when he at length got rid of them, applied

CHAPTER 24. Of the Great Bespeak for Miss Snevellicci, and the first Appearance of Nicholas upon any Stage 208

himself to his task: by no means displeased to find that it was so much easier than he had at first supposed.

He worked very hard all day, and did not leave his room until the evening, when he went down to the theatre,

whither Smike had repaired before him to go on with another gentleman as a general rebellion.

Here all the people were so much changed, that he scarcely knew them. False hair, false colour, false calves,

false musclesthey had become different beings. Mr Lenville was a blooming warrior of most exquisite

proportions; Mr Crummles, his large face shaded by a profusion of black hair, a Highland outlaw of most

majestic bearing; one of the old gentlemen a jailer, and the other a venerable patriarch; the comic

countryman, a fightingman of great valour, relieved by a touch of humour; each of the Master Crummleses

a prince in his own right; and the lowspirited lover, a desponding captive. There was a gorgeous banquet

ready spread for the third act, consisting of two pasteboard vases, one plate of biscuits, a black bottle, and a

vinegar cruet; and, in short, everything was on a scale of the utmost splendour and preparation.

Nicholas was standing with his back to the curtain, now contemplating the first scene, which was a Gothic

archway, about two feet shorter than Mr Crummles, through which that gentleman was to make his first

entrance, and now listening to a couple of people who were cracking nuts in the gallery, wondering whether

they made the whole audience, when the manager himself walked familiarly up and accosted him.

'We've had a pretty good Let,' said Mr Crummles. 'Four front places in the centre, and the whole of the

'Yes,' replied Mr Crummles, 'yes. It's an affecting thing. There are six children, and they never come unless

It would have been difficult for any party, family, or otherwise, to have visited the theatre on a night when the

phenomenon did NOT play, inasmuch as she always sustained one, and not uncommonly two or three,

characters, every night; but Nicholas, sympathising with the feelings of a father, refrained from hinting at this

'Six,' said that gentleman; 'pa and ma eight, aunt nine, governess ten, grandfather and grandmother twelve.

Then, there's the footman, who stands outside, with a bag of oranges and a jug of toastand water, and sees

the play for nothing through the little pane of glass in the boxdoorit's cheap at a guinea; they gain by

'There's no help for it,' replied Mr Crummles; 'it's always expected in the country. If there are six children, six

people come to hold them in their laps. A familybox carries double always. Ring in the orchestra, Grudden!'

That useful lady did as she was requested, and shortly afterwards the tuning of three fiddles was heard.

Which process having been protracted as long as it was supposed that the patience of the audience could

possibly bear it, was put a stop to by another jerk of the bell, which, being the signal to begin in earnest, set

If Nicholas had been astonished at the alteration for the better which the gentlemen displayed, the

CHAPTER 24. Of the Great Bespeak for Miss Snevellicci, and the first Appearance of Nicholas upon any Stage 209

transformation of the ladies was still more extraordinary. When, from a snug corner of the manager's box, he

beheld Miss Snevellicci in all the glories of white muslin with a golden hem, and Mrs Crummles in all the

dignity of the outlaw's wife, and Miss Bravassa in all the sweetness of Miss Snevellicci's confidential friend,

and Miss Belvawney in the white silks of a page doing duty everywhere and swearing to live and die in the

service of everybody, he could scarcely contain his admiration, which testified itself in great applause, and

the closest possible attention to the business of the scene. The plot was most interesting. It belonged to no

particular age, people, or country, and was perhaps the more delightful on that account, as nobody's previous

information could afford the remotest glimmering of what would ever come of it. An outlaw had been very

successful in doing something somewhere, and came home, in triumph, to the sound of shouts and fiddles, to

greet his wifea lady of masculine mind, who talked a good deal about her father's bones, which it seemed

were unburied, though whether from a peculiar taste on the part of the old gentleman himself, or the

reprehensible neglect of his relations, did not appear. This outlaw's wife was, somehow or other, mixed up

with a patriarch, living in a castle a long way off, and this patriarch was the father of several of the characters,

but he didn't exactly know which, and was uncertain whether he had brought up the right ones in his castle, or

the wrong ones; he rather inclined to the latter opinion, and, being uneasy, relieved his mind with a banquet,

during which solemnity somebody in a cloak said 'Beware!' which somebody was known by nobody (except

the audience) to be the outlaw himself, who had come there, for reasons unexplained, but possibly with an

eye to the spoons. There was an agreeable little surprise in the way of certain love passages between the

desponding captive and Miss Snevellicci, and the comic fightingman and Miss Bravassa; besides which, Mr

Lenville had several very tragic scenes in the dark, while on throatcutting expeditions, which were all

baffled by the skill and bravery of the comic fightingman (who overheard whatever was said all through the

piece) and the intrepidity of Miss Snevellicci, who adopted tights, and therein repaired to the prison of her

captive lover, with a small basket of refreshments and a dark lantern. At last, it came out that the patriarch

was the man who had treated the bones of the outlaw's fatherinlaw with so much disrespect, for which

cause and reason the outlaw's wife repaired to his castle to kill him, and so got into a dark room, where, after

a good deal of groping in the dark, everybody got hold of everybody else, and took them for somebody

besides, which occasioned a vast quantity of confusion, with some pistolling, loss of life, and torchlight; after

which, the patriarch came forward, and observing, with a knowing look, that he knew all about his children

now, and would tell them when they got inside, said that there could not be a more appropriate occasion for

marrying the young people than that; and therefore he joined their hands, with the full consent of the

indefatigable page, who (being the only other person surviving) pointed with his cap into the clouds, and his

right hand to the ground; thereby invoking a blessing and giving the cue for the curtain to come down, which

'What did you think of that?' asked Mr Crummles, when Nicholas went round to the stage again. Mr

'I think it was very capital indeed,' replied Nicholas; 'Miss Snevellicci in particular was uncommonly good.'

'She's a genius,' said Mr Crummles; 'quite a genius, that girl. By thebye, I've been thinking of bringing out

'The night of her bespeak. Her benefit night, when her friends and patrons bespeak the play,' said Mr

'You see,' said Mr. Crummles, 'it's sure to go, on such an occasion, and even if it should not work up quite as

CHAPTER 24. Of the Great Bespeak for Miss Snevellicci, and the first Appearance of Nicholas upon any Stage 210

'I said mine, didn't I?' returned Mr Crummles. 'Next Monday week. What do you say? You'll have done it,

'I don't know about "long before,"' replied Nicholas; 'but BY that time I think I can undertake to be ready.'

'Very good,' pursued Mr Crummles, 'then we'll call that settled. Now, I want to ask you something else.

There's a littlewhat shall I call it?a little canvassing takes place on these occasions.'

'Among the patrons; and the fact is, that Snevellicci has had so many bespeaks in this place, that she wants an

attraction. She had a bespeak when her motherinlaw died, and a bespeak when her uncle died; and Mrs

Crummles and myself have had bespeaks on the anniversary of the phenomenon's birthday, and our

weddingday, and occasions of that description, so that, in fact, there's some difficulty in getting a good one.

Now, won't you help this poor girl, Mr Johnson?' said Crummles, sitting himself down on a drum, and taking

'Don't you think you could spare half an hour tomorrow morning, to call with her at the houses of one or two

'Oh dear me,' said Nicholas, with an air of very strong objection, 'I shouldn't like to do that.'

'The infant will accompany her,' said Mr Crummles. 'The moment it was suggested to me, I gave permission

for the infant to go. There will not be the smallest improprietyMiss Snevellicci, sir, is the very soul of

honour. It would be of material servicethe gentleman from Londonauthor of the new pieceactor in

the new piecefirst appearance on any boardsit would lead to a great bespeak, Mr Johnson.'

'I am very sorry to throw a damp upon the prospects of anybody, and more especially a lady,' replied

Nicholas; 'but really I must decidedly object to making one of the canvassing party.'

'What does Mr Johnson say, Vincent?' inquired a voice close to his ear; and, looking round, he found Mrs

'Oh, I hope not!' cried Miss Snevellicci. 'You surely are not so crueloh, dear me!Well, Ito think of

'Mr Johnson will not persist, my dear,' said Mrs Crummles. 'Think better of him than to suppose it. Gallantry,

humanity, all the best feelings of his nature, must be enlisted in this interesting cause.'

'And a manager's wife,' added Mrs Crummles, in her accustomed tragedy tones. 'Come, come, you will relent,

CHAPTER 24. Of the Great Bespeak for Miss Snevellicci, and the first Appearance of Nicholas upon any Stage 211

'It is not in my nature,' said Nicholas, moved by these appeals, 'to resist any entreaty, unless it is to do

something positively wrong; and, beyond a feeling of pride, I know nothing which should prevent my doing

Miss Snevellicci was at once overwhelmed with blushes and expressions of gratitude, of which latter

commodity neither Mr nor Mrs Crummles was by any means sparing. It was arranged that Nicholas should

call upon her, at her lodgings, at eleven next morning, and soon after they parted: he to return home to his

authorship: Miss Snevellicci to dress for the afterpiece: and the disinterested manager and his wife to

discuss the probable gains of the forthcoming bespeak, of which they were to have twothirds of the profits

At the stipulated hour next morning, Nicholas repaired to the lodgings of Miss Snevellicci, which were in a

place called Lombard Street, at the house of a tailor. A strong smell of ironing pervaded the little passage;

and the tailor's daughter, who opened the door, appeared in that flutter of spirits which is so often attendant

'Miss Snevellicci lives here, I believe?' said Nicholas, when the door was opened.

'Will you have the goodness to let her know that Mr Johnson is here?' said Nicholas.

'Oh, if you please, you're to come upstairs,' replied the tailor's daughter, with a smile.

Nicholas followed the young lady, and was shown into a small apartment on the first floor, communicating

with a backroom; in which, as he judged from a certain halfsubdued clinking sound, as of cups and

'You're to wait, if you please,' said the tailor's daughter, after a short period of absence, during which the

clinking in the backroom had ceased, and been succeeded by whispering'She won't be long.'

As she spoke, she pulled up the windowblind, and having by this means (as she thought) diverted Mr

Johnson's attention from the room to the street, caught up some articles which were airing on the fender, and

As there were not many objects of interest outside the window, Nicholas looked about the room with more

curiosity than he might otherwise have bestowed upon it. On the sofa lay an old guitar, several thumbed

pieces of music, and a scattered litter of curl papers; together with a confused heap of playbills, and a pair

of soiled white satin shoes with large blue rosettes. Hanging over the back of a chair was a halffinished

muslin apron with little pockets ornamented with red ribbons, such as waitingwomen wear on the stage, and

(by consequence) are never seen with anywhere else. In one corner stood the diminutive pair of topboots in

which Miss Snevellicci was accustomed to enact the little jockey, and, folded on a chair hard by, was a small

But the most interesting object of all was, perhaps, the open scrapbook, displayed in the midst of some

theatrical duodecimos that were strewn upon the table; and pasted into which scrapbook were various critical

notices of Miss Snevellicci's acting, extracted from different provincial journals, together with one poetic

Sing, God of Love, and tell me in what dearth Thricegifted SNEVELLICCI came on earth, To thrill us with

CHAPTER 24. Of the Great Bespeak for Miss Snevellicci, and the first Appearance of Nicholas upon any Stage 212

Besides this effusion, there were innumerable complimentary allusions, also extracted from newspapers, such

as'We observe from an advertisement in another part of our paper of today, that the charming and

highlytalented Miss Snevellicci takes her benefit on Wednesday, for which occasion she has put forth a bill

of fare that might kindle exhilaration in the breast of a misanthrope. In the confidence that our

fellowtownsmen have not lost that high appreciation of public utility and private worth, for which they have

long been so preeminently distinguished, we predict that this charming actress will be greeted with a

bumper.' 'To Correspondents.J.S. is misinformed when he supposes that the highlygifted and beautiful

Miss Snevellicci, nightly captivating all hearts at our pretty and commodious little theatre, is NOT the same

lady to whom the young gentleman of immense fortune, residing within a hundred miles of the good city of

York, lately made honourable proposals. We have reason to know that Miss Snevellicci IS the lady who was

implicated in that mysterious and romantic affair, and whose conduct on that occasion did no less honour to

her head and heart, than do her histrionic triumphs to her brilliant genius.' A copious assortment of such

paragraphs as these, with long bills of benefits all ending with 'Come Early', in large capitals, formed the

Nicholas had read a great many of these scraps, and was absorbed in a circumstantial and melancholy account

of the train of events which had led to Miss Snevellicci's spraining her ankle by slipping on a piece of

orangepeel flung by a monster in human form, (so the paper said,) upon the stage at Winchester,when

that young lady herself, attired in the coalscuttle bonnet and walkingdress complete, tripped into the room,

with a thousand apologies for having detained him so long after the appointed time.

'But really,' said Miss Snevellicci, 'my darling Led, who lives with me here, was taken so very ill in the night

'Such a fate is almost to be envied,' returned Nicholas, 'but I am very sorry to hear it nevertheless.'

'What a creature you are to flatter!' said Miss Snevellicci, buttoning her glove in much confusion.

'If it be flattery to admire your charms and accomplishments,' rejoined Nicholas, laying his hand upon the

'Oh you cruel creature, to read such things as those! I'm almost ashamed to look you in the face afterwards,

positively I am,' said Miss Snevellicci, seizing the book and putting it away in a closet. 'How careless of Led!

'I thought you had kindly left it here, on purpose for me to read,' said Nicholas. And really it did seem

'I wouldn't have had you see it for the world!' rejoined Miss Snevellicci. 'I never was so vexednever! But

The conversation was here interrupted by the entrance of the phenomenon, who had discreetly remained in

the bedroom up to this moment, and now presented herself, with much grace and lightness, bearing in her

hand a very little green parasol with a broad fringe border, and no handle. After a few words of course, they

The phenomenon was rather a troublesome companion, for first the right sandal came down, and then the left,

and these mischances being repaired, one leg of the little white trousers was discovered to be longer than the

other; besides these accidents, the green parasol was dropped down an iron grating, and only fished up again

with great difficulty and by dint of much exertion. However, it was impossible to scold her, as she was the

manager's daughter, so Nicholas took it all in perfect good humour, and walked on, with Miss Snevellicci,

CHAPTER 24. Of the Great Bespeak for Miss Snevellicci, and the first Appearance of Nicholas upon any Stage 213

The first house to which they bent their steps, was situated in a terrace of respectable appearance. Miss

Snevellicci's modest doubleknock was answered by a footboy, who, in reply to her inquiry whether Mrs

Curdle was at home, opened his eyes very wide, grinned very much, and said he didn't know, but he'd inquire.

With this he showed them into a parlour where he kept them waiting, until the two womenservants had

repaired thither, under false pretences, to see the playactors; and having compared notes with them in the

passage, and joined in a vast quantity of whispering and giggling, he at length went upstairs with Miss

Now, Mrs Curdle was supposed, by those who were best informed on such points, to possess quite the

London taste in matters relating to literature and the drama; and as to Mr Curdle, he had written a pamphlet of

sixtyfour pages, post octavo, on the character of the Nurse's deceased husband in Romeo and Juliet, with an

inquiry whether he really had been a 'merry man' in his lifetime, or whether it was merely his widow's

affectionate partiality that induced her so to report him. He had likewise proved, that by altering the received

mode of punctuation, any one of Shakespeare's plays could be made quite different, and the sense completely

changed; it is needless to say, therefore, that he was a great critic, and a very profound and most original

'Well, Miss Snevellicci,' said Mrs Curdle, entering the parlour, 'and how do YOU do?'

Miss Snevellicci made a graceful obeisance, and hoped Mrs Curdle was well, as also Mr Curdle, who at the

same time appeared. Mrs Curdle was dressed in a morning wrapper, with a little cap stuck upon the top of her

head. Mr Curdle wore a loose robe on his back, and his right forefinger on his forehead after the portraits of

'I venture to call, for the purpose of asking whether you would put your name to my bespeak, ma'am,' said

'Oh! I really don't know what to say,' replied Mrs Curdle. 'It's not as if the theatre was in its high and palmy

'As an exquisite embodiment of the poet's visions, and a realisation of human intellectuality, gilding with

refulgent light our dreamy moments, and laying open a new and magic world before the mental eye, the

'What man is there, now living, who can present before us all those changing and prismatic colours with

'What man indeedupon the stage,' said Mr Curdle, with a small reservation in favour of himself. 'Hamlet!

Quite overcome by these dismal reflections, Mr and Mrs Curdle sighed, and sat for some short time without

speaking. At length, the lady, turning to Miss Snevellicci, inquired what play she proposed to have.

'Quite a new one,' said Miss Snevellicci, 'of which this gentleman is the author, and in which he plays; being

'The original piece is a French one,' said Nicholas. 'There is abundance of incident, sprightly dialogue,

CHAPTER 24. Of the Great Bespeak for Miss Snevellicci, and the first Appearance of Nicholas upon any Stage 214

'All unavailing without a strict observance of the unities, sir,' returned Mr Curdle. 'The unities of the

'Might I ask you,' said Nicholas, hesitating between the respect he ought to assume, and his love of the

Mr Curdle coughed and considered. 'The unities, sir,' he said, 'are a completenessa kind of universal

dovetailedness with regard to place and timea sort of a general oneness, if I may be allowed to use so

strong an expression. I take those to be the dramatic unities, so far as I have been enabled to bestow attention

upon them, and I have read much upon the subject, and thought much. I find, running through the

performances of this child,' said Mr Curdle, turning to the phenomenon, 'a unity of feeling, a breadth, a light

and shade, a warmth of colouring, a tone, a harmony, a glow, an artistical development of original

conceptions, which I look for, in vain, among older performersI don't know whether I make myself

'Just so,' said Mr Curdle, pulling up his neckcloth. 'That is my definition of the unities of the drama.'

Mrs Curdle had sat listening to this lucid explanation with great complacency. It being finished, she inquired

'I don't know, my dear; upon my word I don't know,' said Mr Curdle. 'If we do, it must be distinctly

understood that we do not pledge ourselves to the quality of the performances. Let it go forth to the world,

that we do not give THEM the sanction of our names, but that we confer the distinction merely upon Miss

Snevellicci. That being clearly stated, I take it to be, as it were, a duty, that we should extend our patronage to

a degraded stage, even for the sake of the associations with which it is entwined. Have you got two

andsixpence for halfacrown, Miss Snevellicci?' said Mr Curdle, turning over four of those pieces of

Miss Snevellicci felt in all the corners of the pink reticule, but there was nothing in any of them. Nicholas

murmured a jest about his being an author, and thought it best not to go through the form of feeling in his

'Let me see,' said Mr Curdle; 'twice four's eightfour shillings apiece to the boxes, Miss Snevellicci, is

exceedingly dear in the present state of the dramathree halfcrowns is sevenandsix; we shall not differ

Poor Miss Snevellicci took the three halfcrowns, with many smiles and bends, and Mrs Curdle, adding

several supplementary directions relative to keeping the places for them, and dusting the seat, and sending

two clean bills as soon as they came out, rang the bell, as a signal for breaking up the conference.

'I assure you,' said Miss Snevellicci, taking his arm, 'that I think myself very lucky they did not owe all the

money instead of being sixpence short. Now, if you were to succeed, they would give people to understand

that they had always patronised you; and if you were to fail, they would have been quite certain of that from

CHAPTER 24. Of the Great Bespeak for Miss Snevellicci, and the first Appearance of Nicholas upon any Stage 215

At the next house they visited, they were in great glory; for, there, resided the six children who were so

enraptured with the public actions of the phenomenon, and who, being called down from the nursery to be

treated with a private view of that young lady, proceeded to poke their fingers into her eyes, and tread upon

her toes, and show her many other little attentions peculiar to their time of life.

'I shall certainly persuade Mr Borum to take a private box,' said the lady of the house, after a most gracious

reception. 'I shall only take two of the children, and will make up the rest of the party, of gentlemenyour

admirers, Miss Snevellicci. Augustus, you naughty boy, leave the little girl alone.'

This was addressed to a young gentleman who was pinching the phenomenon behind, apparently with a view

'I am sure you must be very tired,' said the mama, turning to Miss Snevellicci. 'I cannot think of allowing you

to go, without first taking a glass of wine. Fie, Charlotte, I am ashamed of you! Miss Lane, my dear, pray see

Miss Lane was the governess, and this entreaty was rendered necessary by the abrupt behaviour of the

youngest Miss Borum, who, having filched the phenomenon's little green parasol, was now carrying it bodily

'I am sure, where you ever learnt to act as you do,' said good natured Mrs Borum, turning again to Miss

Snevellicci, 'I cannot understand (Emma, don't stare so); laughing in one piece, and crying in the next, and so

'I am very happy to hear you express so favourable an opinion,' said Miss Snevellicci. 'It's quite delightful to

'Like it!' cried Mrs Borum. 'Who can help liking it? I would go to the play, twice a week if I could: I dote

upon itonly you're too affecting sometimes. You do put me in such a stateinto such fits of crying!

Goodness gracious me, Miss Lane, how can you let them torment that poor child so!'

The phenomenon was really in a fair way of being torn limb from limb; for two strong little boys, one

holding on by each of her hands, were dragging her in different directions as a trial of strength. However,

Miss Lane (who had herself been too much occupied in contemplating the grownup actors, to pay the

necessary attention to these proceedings) rescued the unhappy infant at this juncture, who, being recruited

with a glass of wine, was shortly afterwards taken away by her friends, after sustaining no more serious

damage than a flattening of the pink gauze bonnet, and a rather extensive creasing of the white frock and

It was a trying morning; for there were a great many calls to make, and everybody wanted a different thing.

Some wanted tragedies, and others comedies; some objected to dancing; some wanted scarcely anything else.

Some thought the comic singer decidedly low, and others hoped he would have more to do than he usually

had. Some people wouldn't promise to go, because other people wouldn't promise to go; and other people

wouldn't go at all, because other people went. At length, and by little and little, omitting something in this

place, and adding something in that, Miss Snevellicci pledged herself to a bill of fare which was

comprehensive enough, if it had no other merit (it included among other trifles, four pieces, divers songs, a

few combats, and several dances); and they returned home, pretty well exhausted with the business of the

Nicholas worked away at the piece, which was speedily put into rehearsal, and then worked away at his own

part, which he studied with great perseverance and actedas the whole company saidto perfection. And at

CHAPTER 24. Of the Great Bespeak for Miss Snevellicci, and the first Appearance of Nicholas upon any Stage 216

length the great day arrived. The crier was sent round, in the morning, to proclaim the entertainments with the

sound of bell in all the thoroughfares; and extra bills of three feet long by nine inches wide, were dispersed in

all directions, flung down all the areas, thrust under all the knockers, and developed in all the shops. They

were placarded on all the walls too, though not with complete success, for an illiterate person having

undertaken this office during the indisposition of the regular billsticker, a part were posted sideways, and

At halfpast five, there was a rush of four people to the gallery door; at a quarter before six, there were at

least a dozen; at six o'clock the kicks were terrific; and when the elder Master Crummles opened the door, he

was obliged to run behind it for his life. Fifteen shillings were taken by Mrs Grudden in the first ten minutes.

Behind the scenes, the same unwonted excitement prevailed. Miss Snevellicci was in such a perspiration that

the paint would scarcely stay on her face. Mrs Crummles was so nervous that she could hardly remember her

part. Miss Bravassa's ringlets came out of curl with the heat and anxiety; even Mr Crummles himself kept

peeping through the hole in the curtain, and running back, every now and then, to announce that another man

At last, the orchestra left off, and the curtain rose upon the new piece. The first scene, in which there was

nobody particular, passed off calmly enough, but when Miss Snevellicci went on in the second, accompanied

by the phenomenon as child, what a roar of applause broke out! The people in the Borum box rose as one

man, waving their hats and handkerchiefs, and uttering shouts of 'Bravo!' Mrs Borum and the governess cast

wreaths upon the stage, of which, some fluttered into the lamps, and one crowned the temples of a fat

gentleman in the pit, who, looking eagerly towards the scene, remained unconscious of the honour; the tailor

and his family kicked at the panels of the upper boxes till they threatened to come out altogether; the very

gingerbeer boy remained transfixed in the centre of the house; a young officer, supposed to entertain a

passion for Miss Snevellicci, stuck his glass in his eye as though to hide a tear. Again and again Miss

Snevellicci curtseyed lower and lower, and again and again the applause came down, louder and louder. At

length, when the phenomenon picked up one of the smoking wreaths and put it on, sideways, over Miss

But when Nicholas came on for his crack scene with Mrs Crummles, what a clapping of hands there was!

When Mrs Crummles (who was his unworthy mother), sneered, and called him 'presumptuous boy,' and he

defied her, what a tumult of applause came on! When he quarrelled with the other gentleman about the young

lady, and producing a case of pistols, said, that if he WAS a gentleman, he would fight him in that

drawingroom, until the furniture was sprinkled with the blood of one, if not of twohow boxes, pit, and

gallery, joined in one most vigorous cheer! When he called his mother names, because she wouldn't give up

the young lady's property, and she relenting, caused him to relent likewise, and fall down on one knee and ask

her blessing, how the ladies in the audience sobbed! When he was hid behind the curtain in the dark, and the

wicked relation poked a sharp sword in every direction, save where his legs were plainly visible, what a thrill

of anxious fear ran through the house! His air, his figure, his walk, his look, everything he said or did, was

the subject of commendation. There was a round of applause every time he spoke. And when, at last, in the

pumpandtub scene, Mrs Grudden lighted the blue fire, and all the unemployed members of the company

came in, and tumbled down in various directionsnot because that had anything to do with the plot, but in

order to finish off with a tableauthe audience (who had by this time increased considerably) gave vent to

such a shout of enthusiasm as had not been heard in those walls for many and many a day.

In short, the success both of new piece and new actor was complete, and when Miss Snevellicci was called

CHAPTER 24. Of the Great Bespeak for Miss Snevellicci, and the first Appearance of Nicholas upon any Stage 217

The new piece being a decided hit, was announced for every evening of performance until further notice, and

the evenings when the theatre was closed, were reduced from three in the week to two. Nor were these the

only tokens of extraordinary success; for, on the succeeding Saturday, Nicholas received, by favour of the

indefatigable Mrs Grudden, no less a sum than thirty shillings; besides which substantial reward, he enjoyed

considerable fame and honour: having a presentation copy of Mr Curdle's pamphlet forwarded to the theatre,

with that gentleman's own autograph (in itself an inestimable treasure) on the flyleaf, accompanied with a

note, containing many expressions of approval, and an unsolicited assurance that Mr Curdle would be very

happy to read Shakespeare to him for three hours every morning before breakfast during his stay in the town.

'I've got another novelty, Johnson,' said Mr Crummles one morning in great glee.

'No, no, we never come to the pony till everything else has failed,' said Mr Crummles. 'I don't think we shall

'There is only one phenomenon, sir,' replied Mr Crummles impressively, 'and that's a girl.'

'Very true,' said Nicholas. 'I beg your pardon. Then I don't know what it is, I am sure.'

'What should you say to a young lady from London?' inquired Mr Crummles. 'Miss Soandso, of the

'You're about right there,' said Mr Crummles; 'and if you had said she would look very well upon the stage

With this inquiry Mr Crummles unfolded a red poster, and a blue poster, and a yellow poster, at the top of

each of which public notification was inscribed in enormous characters'First appearance of the unrivalled

'Then you are acquainted with as much talent as was ever compressed into one young person's body,' retorted

Mr Crummles, rolling up the bills again; 'that is, talent of a certain sortof a certain sort. "The Blood

Drinker,"' added Mr Crummles with a prophetic sigh, '"The Blood Drinker" will die with that girl; and she's

the only sylph I ever saw, who could stand upon one leg, and play the tambourine on her other knee, LIKE a

'We expect her today,' replied Mr Crummles. 'She is an old friend of Mrs Crummles's. Mrs Crummles saw

what she could doalways knew it from the first. She taught her, indeed, nearly all she knows. Mrs

CHAPTER 25. Concerning a young Lady from London, who joins the Company, and an elderly Admirer who follows in her Train; with an affecting Ceremony consequent on their Arrival 218

'Not so much with her, as with her audiences,' replied Mr Crummles. 'Nobody could stand it. It was too

'No, no, you don't,' said Mr Crummles; 'you don't, indeed. I don't, and that's a fact. I don't think her country

will, till she is dead. Some new proof of talent bursts from that astonishing woman every year of her life.

'Ah! extraordinary indeed,' rejoined Mr Crummles, taking a complacent pinch of snuff, and shaking his head

gravely. 'I pledge you my professional word I didn't even know she could dance, till her last benefit, and then

she played Juliet, and Helen Macgregor, and did the skippingrope hornpipe between the pieces. The very

first time I saw that admirable woman, Johnson,' said Mr Crummles, drawing a little nearer, and speaking in

the tone of confidential friendship, 'she stood upon her head on the buttend of a spear, surrounded with

'SHE astonished ME!' returned Mr Crummles, with a very serious countenance. 'Such grace, coupled with

The arrival of the gifted subject of these remarks put an abrupt termination to Mr Crummles's eulogium.

Almost immediately afterwards, Master Percy Crummles entered with a letter, which had arrived by the

General Post, and was directed to his gracious mother; at sight of the superscription whereof, Mrs Crummles

exclaimed, 'From Henrietta Petowker, I do declare!' and instantly became absorbed in the contents.

'Oh, yes, it's all right,' replied Mrs Crummles, anticipating the question. 'What an excellent thing for her, to be

'It's the best thing altogether, that I ever heard of, I think,' said Mr Crummles; and then Mr Crummles, Mrs

Crummles, and Master Percy Crummles, all fell to laughing violently. Nicholas left them to enjoy their mirth

together, and walked to his lodgings; wondering very much what mystery connected with Miss Petowker

could provoke such merriment, and pondering still more on the extreme surprise with which that lady would

regard his sudden enlistment in a profession of which she was such a distinguished and brilliant ornament.

But, in this latter respect he was mistaken; forwhether Mr Vincent Crummles had paved the way, or Miss

Petowker had some special reason for treating him with even more than her usual amiabilitytheir meeting

at the theatre next day was more like that of two dear friends who had been inseparable from infancy, than a

recognition passing between a lady and gentleman who had only met some half dozen times, and then by

CHAPTER 25. Concerning a young Lady from London, who joins the Company, and an elderly Admirer who follows in her Train; with an affecting Ceremony consequent on their Arrival 219

mere chance. Nay, Miss Petowker even whispered that she had wholly dropped the Kenwigses in her

conversations with the manager's family, and had represented herself as having encountered Mr Johnson in

the very first and most fashionable circles; and on Nicholas receiving this intelligence with unfeigned

surprise, she added, with a sweet glance, that she had a claim on his good nature now, and might tax it before

Nicholas had the honour of playing in a slight piece with Miss Petowker that night, and could not but observe

that the warmth of her reception was mainly attributable to a most persevering umbrella in the upper boxes;

he saw, too, that the enchanting actress cast many sweet looks towards the quarter whence these sounds

proceeded; and that every time she did so, the umbrella broke out afresh. Once, he thought that a peculiarly

shaped hat in the same corner was not wholly unknown to him; but, being occupied with his share of the

stage business, he bestowed no great attention upon this circumstance, and it had quite vanished from his

He had just sat down to supper with Smike, when one of the people of the house came outside the door, and

'Well, if he does, you must tell him to come up; that's all I know,' replied Nicholas. 'One of our hungry

His fellowlodger looked at the cold meat in silent calculation of the quantity that would be left for dinner

next day, and put back a slice he had cut for himself, in order that the visitor's encroachments might be less

'It is not anybody who has been here before,' said Nicholas, 'for he is tumbling up every stair. Come in, come

It was, indeed, the collector of waterrates who, regarding Nicholas with a fixed look and immovable

countenance, shook hands with most portentous solemnity, and sat himself down in a seat by the chimney

'This umbrella,' said Mr Lillyvick, producing a fat green cotton one with a battered ferrule. 'What did you

'So far as I could judge, being on the stage,' replied Nicholas, 'I thought it very agreeable.'

Mr Lillyvick bent forward to pronounce the last word with greater emphasis; and having done so, drew

'I say, delicious,' repeated Mr Lillyvick. 'Absorbing, fairylike, toomultuous,' and again Mr Lillyvick drew

'Ah!' said Nicholas, a little surprised at these symptoms of ecstatic approbation. 'Yesshe is a clever girl.'

CHAPTER 25. Concerning a young Lady from London, who joins the Company, and an elderly Admirer who follows in her Train; with an affecting Ceremony consequent on their Arrival 220

'She is a divinity,' returned Mr Lillyvick, giving a collector's double knock on the ground with the umbrella

beforementioned. 'I have known divine actresses before now, sir, I used to collectat least I used to CALL

forand very often call forthe waterrate at the house of a divine actress, who lived in my beat for

upwards of four year but neverno, never, sir of all divine creatures, actresses or no actresses, did I see a

Nicholas had much ado to prevent himself from laughing; not trusting himself to speak, he merely nodded in

'He is,' rejoined the collector. 'I have lived in the world for nigh sixty year, and I ought to know what it is.'

'You OUGHT to know, certainly,' thought Nicholas; 'but whether you do or not, is another question.'

'If a bachelor happens to have saved a little matter of money,' said Mr Lillyvick, 'his sisters and brothers, and

nephews and nieces, look TO that money, and not to him; even if, by being a public character, he is the head

of the family, or, as it may be, the main from which all the other little branches are turned on, they still wish

him dead all the while, and get lowspirited every time they see him looking in good health, because they

'The great reason for not being married,' resumed Mr Lillyvick, 'is the expense; that's what's kept me off, or

elseLord!' said Mr Lillyvick, snapping his fingers, 'I might have had fifty women.'

'Fine women, sir!' replied the collector; 'ay! not so fine as Henrietta Petowker, for she is an uncommon

specimen, but such women as don't fall into every man's way, I can tell you. Now suppose a man can get a

'That's what I say,' retorted the collector, patting him benignantly on the side of the head with his umbrella;

'just what I say. Henrietta Petowker, the talented Henrietta Petowker has a fortune in herself, and I am going

'No, sir, not to make her Mrs Lillyvick,' replied the collector. 'Actresses, sir, always keep their maiden

namesthat's the regular thingbut I'm going to marry her; and the day after tomorrow, too.'

CHAPTER 25. Concerning a young Lady from London, who joins the Company, and an elderly Admirer who follows in her Train; with an affecting Ceremony consequent on their Arrival 221

'Thank you, sir,' replied the collector, buttoning his waistcoat. 'I shall draw her salary, of course, and I hope

after all that it's nearly as cheap to keep two as it is to keep one; that's a consolation.'

'But how come you both here, if you're going to be married, Mr Lillyvick?' asked Nicholas.

'Why, that's what I came to explain to you,' replied the collector of waterrate. 'The fact is, we have thought it

'The Kenwigses of course,' rejoined Mr Lillyvick. 'If my niece and the children had known a word about it

before I came away, they'd have gone into fits at my feet, and never have come out of 'em till I took an oath

not to marry anybodyor they'd have got out a commission of lunacy, or some dreadful thing,' said the

'To prevent which,' said Mr Lillyvick, 'Henrietta Petowker (it was settled between us) should come down here

to her friends, the Crummleses, under pretence of this engagement, and I should go down to Guildford the

day before, and join her on the coach there, which I did, and we came down from Guildford yesterday

together. Now, for fear you should be writing to Mr Noggs, and might say anything about us, we have

thought it best to let you into the secret. We shall be married from the Crummleses' lodgings, and shall be

delighted to see youeither before church or at breakfasttime, which you like. It won't be expensive, you

know,' said the collector, highly anxious to prevent any misunderstanding on this point; 'just muffins and

coffee, with perhaps a shrimp or something of that sort for a relish, you know.'

'Yes, yes, I understand,' replied Nicholas. 'Oh, I shall be most happy to come; it will give me the greatest

'Why, no,' said the collector; 'they couldn't very well dispose of her at night, and so she is staying with an

'Why,' said the collector, with a rueful face, 'they WILL have four bridesmaids; I'm afraid they'll make it

'Oh no, not at all,' replied Nicholas, with an awkward attempt to convert a laugh into a cough. 'Who may the

'Ha, ha!' cried Nicholas. 'I beg your pardon, I don't know what I'm laughing atyes, that'll be very

CHAPTER 25. Concerning a young Lady from London, who joins the Company, and an elderly Admirer who follows in her Train; with an affecting Ceremony consequent on their Arrival 222

'Some young woman or other,' replied the collector, rising; 'some other friend of Henrietta Petowker's. Well,

'You may safely depend upon me,' replied Nicholas. 'Won't you take anything to eat or drink?'

'No,' said the collector; 'I haven't any appetite. I should think it was a very pleasant life, the married one, eh?'

With these words, Mr Lillyvick, whose manner had exhibited through the whole of this interview a most

extraordinary compound of precipitation, hesitation, confidence and doubt, fondness, misgiving, meanness,

and selfimportance, turned his back upon the room, and left Nicholas to enjoy a laugh by himself if he felt

Without stopping to inquire whether the intervening day appeared to Nicholas to consist of the usual number

of hours of the ordinary length, it may be remarked that, to the parties more directly interested in the

forthcoming ceremony, it passed with great rapidity, insomuch that when Miss Petowker awoke on the

succeeding morning in the chamber of Miss Snevellicci, she declared that nothing should ever persuade her

'I never will believe it,' said Miss Petowker; 'I cannot really. It's of no use talking, I never can make up my

On hearing this, Miss Snevellicci and Miss Ledrook, who knew perfectly well that their fair friend's mind had

been made up for three or four years, at any period of which time she would have cheerfully undergone the

desperate trial now approaching if she could have found any eligible gentleman disposed for the venture,

began to preach comfort and firmness, and to say how very proud she ought to feel that it was in her power to

confer lasting bliss on a deserving object, and how necessary it was for the happiness of mankind in general

that women should possess fortitude and resignation on such occasions; and that although for their parts they

held true happiness to consist in a single life, which they would not willingly exchangeno, not for any

worldly consideration still (thank God), if ever the time SHOULD come, they hoped they knew their duty

too well to repine, but would the rather submit with meekness and humility of spirit to a fate for which

Providence had clearly designed them with a view to the contentment and reward of their fellowcreatures.

'I might feel it was a great blow,' said Miss Snevellicci, 'to break up old associations and

'So would I,' said Miss Ledrook; 'I would rather court the yoke than shun it. I have broken hearts before now,

'It is indeed,' said Miss Snevellicci. 'Now Led, my dear, we must positively get her ready, or we shall be too

This pious reasoning, and perhaps the fear of being too late, supported the bride through the ceremony of

robing, after which, strong tea and brandy were administered in alternate doses as a means of strengthening

CHAPTER 25. Concerning a young Lady from London, who joins the Company, and an elderly Admirer who follows in her Train; with an affecting Ceremony consequent on their Arrival 223

'Do you think he won't?' cried Miss Petowker, really showing great capability for the stage. 'Oh, do you think

he won't? Do you think Lillyvick will always remember italways, always, always?'

There is no knowing in what this burst of feeling might have ended, if Miss Snevellicci had not at that

moment proclaimed the arrival of the fly, which so astounded the bride that she shook off divers alarming

symptoms which were coming on very strong, and running to the glass adjusted her dress, and calmly

She was accordingly supported into the coach, and there 'kept up' (as Miss Snevellicci said) with perpetual

sniffs of SAL VOLATILE and sips of brandy and other gentle stimulants, until they reached the manager's

door, which was already opened by the two Master Crummleses, who wore white cockades, and were

decorated with the choicest and most resplendent waistcoats in the theatrical wardrobe. By the combined

exertions of these young gentlemen and the bridesmaids, assisted by the coachman, Miss Petowker was at

length supported in a condition of much exhaustion to the first floor, where she no sooner encountered the

'Oh no, no, no,' rejoined the bride; 'but all the friendsthe darling friendsof my youthful daysto leave

With such expressions of sorrow, Miss Petowker went on to enumerate the dear friends of her youthful days

one by one, and to call upon such of them as were present to come and embrace her. This done, she

remembered that Mrs Crummles had been more than a mother to her, and after that, that Mr Crummles had

been more than a father to her, and after that, that the Master Crummleses and Miss Ninetta Crummles had

been more than brothers and sisters to her. These various remembrances being each accompanied with a

series of hugs, occupied a long time, and they were obliged to drive to church very fast, for fear they should

The procession consisted of two flys; in the first of which were Miss Bravassa (the fourth bridesmaid), Mrs

Crummles, the collector, and Mr Folair, who had been chosen as his second on the occasion. In the other

were the bride, Mr Crummles, Miss Snevellicci, Miss Ledrook, and the phenomenon. The costumes were

beautiful. The bridesmaids were quite covered with artificial flowers, and the phenomenon, in particular, was

rendered almost invisible by the portable arbour in which she was enshrined. Miss Ledrook, who was of a

romantic turn, wore in her breast the miniature of some field officer unknown, which she had purchased, a

great bargain, not very long before; the other ladies displayed several dazzling articles of imitative jewellery,

almost equal to real, and Mrs Crummles came out in a stern and gloomy majesty, which attracted the

But, perhaps the appearance of Mr Crummles was more striking and appropriate than that of any member of

the party. This gentleman, who personated the bride's father, had, in pursuance of a happy and original

CHAPTER 25. Concerning a young Lady from London, who joins the Company, and an elderly Admirer who follows in her Train; with an affecting Ceremony consequent on their Arrival 224

conception, 'made up' for the part by arraying himself in a theatrical wig, of a style and pattern commonly

known as a brown George, and moreover assuming a snuffcoloured suit, of the previous century, with grey

silk stockings, and buckles to his shoes. The better to support his assumed character he had determined to be

greatly overcome, and, consequently, when they entered the church, the sobs of the affectionate parent were

so heartrending that the pewopener suggested the propriety of his retiring to the vestry, and comforting

The procession up the aisle was beautiful. The bride, with the four bridesmaids, forming a group previously

arranged and rehearsed; the collector, followed by his second, imitating his walk and gestures to the

indescribable amusement of some theatrical friends in the gallery; Mr Crummles, with an infirm and feeble

gait; Mrs Crummles advancing with that stage walk, which consists of a stride and a stop alternatelyit was

the completest thing ever witnessed. The ceremony was very quickly disposed of, and all parties present

having signed the register (for which purpose, when it came to his turn, Mr Crummles carefully wiped and

put on an immense pair of spectacles), they went back to breakfast in high spirits. And here they found

'Now then,' said Crummles, who had been assisting Mrs Grudden in the preparations, which were on a more

extensive scale than was quite agreeable to the collector. 'Breakfast, breakfast.'

No second invitation was required. The company crowded and squeezed themselves at the table as well as

they could, and fell to, immediately: Miss Petowker blushing very much when anybody was looking, and

eating very much when anybody was NOT looking; and Mr Lillyvick going to work as though with the cool

resolve, that since the good things must be paid for by him, he would leave as little as possible for the

'It's very soon done, sir, isn't it?' inquired Mr Folair of the collector, leaning over the table to address him.

'The tying upthe fixing oneself with a wife,' replied Mr Folair. 'It don't take long, does it?'

'No, sir,' replied Mr Lillyvick, colouring. 'It does not take long. And what then, sir?'

'Oh! nothing,' said the actor. 'It don't take a man long to hang himself, either, eh? ha, ha!'

Mr Lillyvick laid down his knife and fork, and looked round the table with indignant astonishment.

A profound silence came upon all, for Mr Lillyvick was dignified beyond expression.

'To hang himself!' cried Mr Lillyvick again. 'Is any parallel attempted to be drawn in this company between

'The noose, sir?' retorted Mr Lillyvick. 'Does any man dare to speak to me of a noose, and Henrietta Pe'

'And Henrietta Lillyvick in the same breath?' said the collector. 'In this house, in the presence of Mr and

CHAPTER 25. Concerning a young Lady from London, who joins the Company, and an elderly Admirer who follows in her Train; with an affecting Ceremony consequent on their Arrival 225

Mrs Crummles, who have brought up a talented and virtuous family, to be blessings and phenomenons, and

'Folair,' said Mr Crummles, deeming it a matter of decency to be affected by this allusion to himself and

'What are you going on in this way at me for?' urged the unfortunate actor. 'What have I done?'

'Done, sir!' cried Mr Lillyvick, 'aimed a blow at the whole framework of society'

'And the best and tenderest feelings,' added Crummles, relapsing into the old man.

'And the highest and most estimable of social ties,' said the collector. 'Noose! As if one was caught, trapped

into the married state, pinned by the leg, instead of going into it of one's own accord and glorying in the act!'

'I didn't mean to make it out, that you were caught and trapped, and pinned by the leg,' replied the actor. 'I'm

'So you ought to be, sir,' returned Mr Lillyvick; 'and I am glad to hear that you have enough of feeling left to

The quarrel appearing to terminate with this reply, Mrs Lillyvick considered that the fittest occasion (the

attention of the company being no longer distracted) to burst into tears, and require the assistance of all four

bridesmaids, which was immediately rendered, though not without some confusion, for the room being small

and the tablecloth long, a whole detachment of plates were swept off the board at the very first move.

Regardless of this circumstance, however, Mrs Lillyvick refused to be comforted until the belligerents had

passed their words that the dispute should be carried no further, which, after a sufficient show of reluctance,

they did, and from that time Mr Folair sat in moody silence, contenting himself with pinching Nicholas's leg

when anything was said, and so expressing his contempt both for the speaker and the sentiments to which he

There were a great number of speeches made; some by Nicholas, and some by Crummles, and some by the

collector; two by the Master Crummleses in returning thanks for themselves, and one by the phenomenon on

behalf of the bridesmaids, at which Mrs Crummles shed tears. There was some singing, too, from Miss

Ledrook and Miss Bravassa, and very likely there might have been more, if the fly driver, who stopped to

drive the happy pair to the spot where they proposed to take steamboat to Ryde, had not sent in a peremptory

message intimating, that if they didn't come directly he should infallibly demand eighteenpence over and

This desperate threat effectually broke up the party. After a most pathetic leavetaking, Mr Lillyvick and his

bride departed for Ryde, where they were to spend the next two days in profound retirement, and whither

they were accompanied by the infant, who had been appointed travelling bridesmaid on Mr Lillyvick's

express stipulation: as the steamboat people, deceived by her size, would (he had previously ascertained)

As there was no performance that night, Mr Crummles declared his intention of keeping it up till everything

to drink was disposed of; but Nicholas having to play Romeo for the first time on the ensuing evening,

contrived to slip away in the midst of a temporary confusion, occasioned by the unexpected development of

To this act of desertion he was led, not only by his own inclinations, but by his anxiety on account of Smike,

CHAPTER 25. Concerning a young Lady from London, who joins the Company, and an elderly Admirer who follows in her Train; with an affecting Ceremony consequent on their Arrival 226

who, having to sustain the character of the Apothecary, had been as yet wholly unable to get any more of the

part into his head than the general idea that he was very hungry, whichperhaps from old recollections he

'I don't know what's to be done, Smike,' said Nicholas, laying down the book. 'I am afraid you can't learn it,

'I am afraid not,' said Smike, shaking his head. 'I think if you but that would give you so much trouble.'

'I think,' said Smike, 'if you were to keep saying it to me in little bits, over and over again, I should be able to

'Do you think so?' exclaimed Nicholas. 'Well said. Let us see who tires first. Not I, Smike, trust me. Now

Thus they continued to ask each other who called so loud, over and over again; and when Smike had that by

heart Nicholas went to another sentence, and then to two at a time, and then to three, and so on, until at

midnight poor Smike found to his unspeakable joy that he really began to remember something about the

Early in the morning they went to it again, and Smike, rendered more confident by the progress he had

already made, got on faster and with better heart. As soon as he began to acquire the words pretty freely,

Nicholas showed him how he must come in with both hands spread out upon his stomach, and how he must

occasionally rub it, in compliance with the established form by which people on the stage always denote that

they want something to eat. After the morning's rehearsal they went to work again, nor did they stop, except

Never had master a more anxious, humble, docile pupil. Never had pupil a more patient, unwearying,

As soon as they were dressed, and at every interval when he was not upon the stage, Nicholas renewed his

instructions. They prospered well. The Romeo was received with hearty plaudits and unbounded favour, and

Smike was pronounced unanimously, alike by audience and actors, the very prince and prodigy of

The place was a handsome suite of private apartments in Regent Street; the time was three o'clock in the

afternoon to the dull and plodding, and the first hour of morning to the gay and spirited; the persons were

These distinguished gentlemen were reclining listlessly on a couple of sofas, with a table between them, on

which were scattered in rich confusion the materials of an untasted breakfast. Newspapers lay strewn about

the room, but these, like the meal, were neglected and unnoticed; not, however, because any flow of

conversation prevented the attractions of the journals from being called into request, for not a word was

exchanged between the two, nor was any sound uttered, save when one, in tossing about to find an easier

restingplace for his aching head, uttered an exclamation of impatience, and seemed for a moment to

These appearances would in themselves have furnished a pretty strong clue to the extent of the debauch of the

previous night, even if there had not been other indications of the amusements in which it had been passed. A

couple of billiard balls, all mud and dirt, two battered hats, a champagne bottle with a soiled glove twisted

round the neck, to allow of its being grasped more surely in its capacity of an offensive weapon; a broken

cane; a cardcase without the top; an empty purse; a watchguard snapped asunder; a handful of silver,

mingled with fragments of halfsmoked cigars, and their stale and crumbled ashes;these, and many other

tokens of riot and disorder, hinted very intelligibly at the nature of last night's gentlemanly frolics.

Lord Frederick Verisopht was the first to speak. Dropping his slippered foot on the ground, and, yawning

heavily, he struggled into a sitting posture, and turned his dull languid eyes towards his friend, to whom he

'I don't know that we're fit for anything else,' replied Sir Mulberry; 'yet awhile, at least. I haven't a grain of

'Life!' cried Lord Verisopht. 'I feel as if there would be nothing so snug and comfortable as to die at once.'

With which inquiry he turned his face away, and seemed to occupy himself in an attempt to fall asleep.

His hopeful fiend and pupil drew a chair to the breakfasttable, and essayed to eat; but, finding that

impossible, lounged to the window, then loitered up and down the room with his hand to his fevered head,

'What the devil's the matter?' groaned Sir Mulberry, sitting upright on the couch.

Although Sir Mulberry said this with sufficient illhumour, he did not seem to feel himself quite at liberty to

remain silent; for, after stretching himself very often, and declaring with a shiver that it was 'infernal cold,' he

made an experiment at the breakfast table, and proving more successful in it than his lessseasoned friend,

'Suppose,' said Sir Mulberry, pausing with a morsel on the point of his fork, 'suppose we go back to the

'So I did,' rejoined his friend; 'but I have thought further of the matter since then. You distrust me in the

'But I say yes,' returned his friend. 'You shall find her out yourself. Don't think that I mean, when you canI

know as well as you that if I did, you could never get sight of her without me. No. I say you shall find her

'Now, curse me, if you ain't a real, deyvlish, downright, thorough paced friend,' said the young lord, on

'I'll tell you how,' said Sir Mulberry. 'She was at that dinner as a bait for you.'

'Smart!' interposed the young lord. 'Upon my soul, Hawk, she's a perfect beautyaa picture, a statue,

'Well,' replied Sir Mulberry, shrugging his shoulders and manifesting an indifference, whether he felt it or

not; 'that's a matter of taste; if mine doesn't agree with yours, so much the better.'

'Confound it!' reasoned the lord, 'you were thick enough with her that day, anyhow. I could hardly get in a

'Well enough for once, well enough for once,' replied Sir Mulberry; 'but not worth the trouble of being

agreeable to again. If you seriously want to follow up the niece, tell the uncle that you must know where she

lives and how she lives, and with whom, or you are no longer a customer of his. He'll tell you fast enough.'

'Why didn't you say this before?' asked Lord Verisopht, 'instead of letting me go on burning, consuming,

'I didn't know it, in the first place,' answered Sir Mulberry carelessly; 'and in the second, I didn't believe you

Now, the truth was, that in the interval which had elapsed since the dinner at Ralph Nickleby's, Sir Mulberry

Hawk had been furtively trying by every means in his power to discover whence Kate had so suddenly

appeared, and whither she had disappeared. Unassisted by Ralph, however, with whom he had held no

communication since their angry parting on that occasion, all his efforts were wholly unavailing, and he had

therefore arrived at the determination of communicating to the young lord the substance of the admission he

had gleaned from that worthy. To this he was impelled by various considerations; among which the certainty

of knowing whatever the weak young man knew was decidedly not the least, as the desire of encountering the

usurer's niece again, and using his utmost arts to reduce her pride, and revenge himself for her contempt, was

uppermost in his thoughts. It was a politic course of proceeding, and one which could not fail to redound to

his advantage in every point of view, since the very circumstance of his having extorted from Ralph Nickleby

his real design in introducing his niece to such society, coupled with his extreme disinterestedness in

communicating it so freely to his friend, could not but advance his interests in that quarter, and greatly

facilitate the passage of coin (pretty frequent and speedy already) from the pockets of Lord Frederick

Thus reasoned Sir Mulberry, and in pursuance of this reasoning he and his friend soon afterwards repaired to

Ralph Nickleby's, there to execute a plan of operations concerted by Sir Mulberry himself, avowedly to

They found Ralph at home, and alone. As he led them into the drawingroom, the recollection of the scene

which had taken place there seemed to occur to him, for he cast a curious look at Sir Mulberry, who bestowed

They had a short conference upon some money matters then in progress, which were scarcely disposed of

when the lordly dupe (in pursuance of his friend's instructions) requested with some embarrassment to speak

'Alone, eh?' cried Sir Mulberry, affecting surprise. 'Oh, very good. I'll walk into the next room here. Don't

So saying, Sir Mulberry took up his hat, and humming a fragment of a song disappeared through the door of

'Nickleby,' said his client, throwing himself along the sofa on which he had been previously seated, so as to

bring his lips nearer to the old man's ear, 'what a pretty creature your niece is!'

'Is she, my lord?' replied Ralph. 'MaybemaybeI don't trouble my head with such matters.'

'You know she's a deyvlish fine girl,' said the client. 'You must know that, Nickleby. Come, don't deny that.'

'Yes, I believe she is considered so,' replied Ralph. 'Indeed, I know she is. If I did not, you are an authority on

Nobody but the young man to whom these words were addressed could have been deaf to the sneering tone in

which they were spoken, or blind to the look of contempt by which they were accompanied. But Lord

'Well,' he said, 'p'raps you're a little right, and p'raps you're a little wronga little of both, Nickleby. I want

to know where this beauty lives, that I may have another peep at her, Nickleby.'

'Don't talk so loud,' cried the other, achieving the great point of his lesson to a miracle. 'I don't want Hawk to

'He always is, daamn him,' replied the client; 'and I want to steal a march upon him. Ha, ha, ha! He'll cut

up so rough, Nickleby, at our talking together without him. Where does she live, Nickleby, that's all? Only

'Really, my lord,' said Ralph, rubbing his hands slowly over each other, 'I must think before I tell you.'

'No, not a bit of it, Nickleby; you mustn't think at all,' replied Verisopht. 'Where is it?'

'No good can come of your knowing,' replied Ralph. 'She has been virtuously and well brought up; to be sure

Ralph ran over this brief summary of Kate's condition as if it were merely passing through his own mind, and

he had no intention to speak aloud; but the shrewd sly look which he directed at his companion as he

'I tell you I only want to see her,' cried his client. 'A maan may look at a pretty woman without harm, mayn't

he? Now, where DOES she live? You know you're making a fortune out of me, Nickleby, and upon my soul

'As you promise that, my lord,' said Ralph, with feigned reluctance, 'and as I am most anxious to oblige you,

and as there's no harm in itno harmI'll tell you. But you had better keep it to yourself, my lord; strictly

to yourself.' Ralph pointed to the adjoining room as he spoke, and nodded expressively.

The young lord, feigning to be equally impressed with the necessity of this precaution, Ralph disclosed the

present address and occupation of his niece, observing that from what he heard of the family they appeared

very ambitious to have distinguished acquaintances, and that a lord could, doubtless, introduce himself with

'Your object being only to see her again,' said Ralph, 'you could effect it at any time you chose by that

Lord Verisopht acknowledged the hint with a great many squeezes of Ralph's hard, horny hand, and

whispering that they would now do well to close the conversation, called to Sir Mulberry Hawk that he might

'I thought you had gone to sleep,' said Sir Mulberry, reappearing with an illtempered air.

'Sorry to detain you,' replied the gull; 'but Nickleby has been so amaazingly funny that I couldn't tear myself

'No, no,' said Ralph; 'it was all his lordship. You know what a witty, humorous, elegant, accomplished man

With such courtesies as these, and many low bows, and the same cold sneer upon his face all the while, Ralph

busied himself in showing his visitors downstairs, and otherwise than by the slightest possible motion about

the corners of his mouth, returned no show of answer to the look of admiration with which Sir Mulberry

Hawk seemed to compliment him on being such an accomplished and most consummate scoundrel.

There had been a ring at the bell a few minutes before, which was answered by Newman Noggs just as they

reached the hall. In the ordinary course of business Newman would have either admitted the newcomer in

silence, or have requested him or her to stand aside while the gentlemen passed out. But he no sooner saw

who it was, than as if for some private reason of his own, he boldly departed from the established custom of

Ralph's mansion in business hours, and looking towards the respectable trio who were approaching, cried in a

'Mrs Nickleby!' cried Sir Mulberry Hawk, as his friend looked back, and stared him in the face.

It was, indeed, that wellintentioned lady, who, having received an offer for the empty house in the city

directed to the landlord, had brought it posthaste to Mr Nickleby without delay.

'Nobody YOU know,' said Ralph. 'Step into the office, mymydear. I'll be with you directly.'

'Nobody I know!' cried Sir Mulberry Hawk, advancing to the astonished lady. 'Is this Mrs Nicklebythe

mother of Miss Nicklebythe delightful creature that I had the happiness of meeting in this house the very

last time I dined here? But no;' said Sir Mulberry, stopping short. 'No, it can't be. There is the same cast of

features, the same indescribable air ofBut no; no. This lady is too young for that.'

'I think you can tell the gentleman, brotherinlaw, if it concerns him to know,' said Mrs Nickleby,

acknowledging the compliment with a graceful bend, 'that Kate Nickleby is my daughter.'

'Her daughter, my lord!' cried Sir Mulberry, turning to his friend. 'This lady's daughter, my lord.'

'This, then, my lord,' said Sir Mulberry, 'is the lady to whose obliging marriage we owe so much happiness.

This lady is the mother of sweet Miss Nickleby. Do you observe the extraordinary likeness, my lord?

'Upon my soul, it's a most delightful thing," said Lord Frederick, pressing forward. 'How de do?'

Mrs Nickleby was too much flurried by these uncommonly kind salutations, and her regrets at not having on

her other bonnet, to make any immediate reply, so she merely continued to bend and smile, and betray great

'She is quite well, I'm obliged to you, my lord,' returned Mrs Nickleby, recovering. 'Quite well. She wasn't

well for some days after that day she dined here, and I can't help thinking, that she caught cold in that

hackney coach coming home. Hackney coaches, my lord, are such nasty things, that it's almost better to walk

at any time, for although I believe a hackney coachman can be transported for life, if he has a broken

window, still they are so reckless, that they nearly all have broken windows. I once had a swelled face for six

weeks, my lord, from riding in a hackney coachI think it was a hackney coach,' said Mrs Nickleby

reflecting, 'though I'm not quite certain whether it wasn't a chariot; at all events I know it was a dark green,

with a very long number, beginning with a nought and ending with a nineno, beginning with a nine, and

ending with a nought, that was it, and of course the stampoffice people would know at once whether it was a

coach or a chariot if any inquiries were made therehowever that was, there it was with a broken window

and there was I for six weeks with a swelled faceI think that was the very same hackney coach, that we

found out afterwards, had the top open all the time, and we should never even have known it, if they hadn't

charged us a shilling an hour extra for having it open, which it seems is the law, or was then, and a most

shameful law it appears to beI don't understand the subject, but I should say the Corn Laws could be

Having pretty well run herself out by this time, Mrs Nickleby stopped as suddenly as she had started off; and

repeated that Kate was quite well. 'Indeed,' said Mrs Nickleby, 'I don't think she ever was better, since she had

the hoopingcough, scarletfever, and measles, all at the same time, and that's the fact.'

'Is that letter for me?' growled Ralph, pointing to the little packet Mrs Nickleby held in her hand.

'For you, brotherinlaw,' replied Mrs Nickleby, 'and I walked all the way up here on purpose to give it you.'

'All the way up here!' cried Sir Mulberry, seizing upon the chance of discovering where Mrs Nickleby had

'How far do I call it?' said Mrs Nickleby. 'Let me see. It's just a mile from our door to the Old Bailey.'

'I should decidedly say it was a mile,' remarked Lord Frederick, with a solemn aspect.

'It must be; it can't be a yard less,' said Mrs Nickleby. 'All down Newgate Street, all down Cheapside, all up

Lombard Street, down Gracechurch Street, and along Thames Street, as far as Spigwiffin's Wharf. Oh! It's a

'Yes, on second thoughts I should say it was,' replied Sir Mulberry. 'But you don't surely mean to walk all the

'Oh, no,' rejoined Mrs Nickleby. 'I shall go back in an omnibus. I didn't travel about in omnibuses, when my

'Yes, yes,' replied Ralph impatiently, 'and you had better get back before dark.'

'Thank you, brotherinlaw, so I had,' returned Mrs Nickleby. 'I think I had better say goodbye, at once.'

'Not stop andrest?' said Ralph, who seldom offered refreshments unless something was to be got by it.

'Lord Frederick,' said Sir Mulberry, 'we are going Mrs Nickleby's way. We'll see her safe to the omnibus?'

But Sir Mulberry Hawk and Lord Verisopht were peremptory in their politeness, and leaving Ralph, who

seemed to think, not unwisely, that he looked less ridiculous as a mere spectator, than he would have done if

he had taken any part in these proceedings, they quitted the house with Mrs Nickleby between them; that

good lady in a perfect ecstasy of satisfaction, no less with the attentions shown her by two titled gentlemen,

than with the conviction that Kate might now pick and choose, at least between two large fortunes, and most

As she was carried away for the moment by an irresistible train of thought, all connected with her daughter's

future greatness, Sir Mulberry Hawk and his friend exchanged glances over the top of the bonnet which the

poor lady so much regretted not having left at home, and proceeded to dilate with great rapture, but much

'What a delight, what a comfort, what a happiness, this amiable creature must be to you,' said Sir Mulberry,

'She is indeed, sir,' replied Mrs Nickleby; 'she is the sweetest tempered, kindesthearted creatureand so

'She looks clayver,' said Lord Verisopht, with the air of a judge of cleverness.

'I assure you she is, my lord,' returned Mrs Nickleby. 'When she was at school in Devonshire, she was

universally allowed to be beyond all exception the very cleverest girl there, and there were a great many very

clever ones too, and that's the truthtwentyfive young ladies, fifty guineas a year without the etceteras,

both the Miss Dowdles the most accomplished, elegant, fascinating creatures Oh dear me!' said Mrs

Nickleby, 'I never shall forget what pleasure she used to give me and her poor dear papa, when she was at

that school, neversuch a delightful letter every halfyear, telling us that she was the first pupil in the whole

establishment, and had made more progress than anybody else! I can scarcely bear to think of it even now.

The girls wrote all the letters themselves,' added Mrs Nickleby, 'and the writingmaster touched them up

afterwards with a magnifying glass and a silver pen; at least I think they wrote them, though Kate was never

quite certain about that, because she didn't know the handwriting of hers again; but anyway, I know it was a

circular which they all copied, and of course it was a very gratifying thingvery gratifying.'

With similar recollections Mrs Nickleby beguiled the tediousness of the way, until they reached the omnibus,

which the extreme politeness of her new friends would not allow them to leave until it actually started, when

they took their hats, as Mrs Nickleby solemnly assured her hearers on many subsequent occasions,

'completely off,' and kissed their strawcoloured kid gloves till they were no longer visible.

Mrs Nickleby leant back in the furthest corner of the conveyance, and, closing her eyes, resigned herself to a

host of most pleasing meditations. Kate had never said a word about having met either of these gentlemen;

'that,' she thought, 'argues that she is strongly prepossessed in favour of one of them.' Then the question arose,

which one could it be. The lord was the youngest, and his title was certainly the grandest; still Kate was not

the girl to be swayed by such considerations as these. 'I will never put any constraint upon her inclinations,'

said Mrs Nickleby to herself; 'but upon my word I think there's no comparison between his lordship and Sir

Mulberry Sir Mulberry is such an attentive gentlemanly creature, so much manner, such a fine man, and

has so much to say for himself. I hope it's Sir MulberryI think it must be Sir Mulberry!' And then her

thoughts flew back to her old predictions, and the number of times she had said, that Kate with no fortune

would marry better than other people's daughters with thousands; and, as she pictured with the brightness of a

mother's fancy all the beauty and grace of the poor girl who had struggled so cheerfully with her new life of

hardship and trial, her heart grew too full, and the tears trickled down her face.

Meanwhile, Ralph walked to and fro in his little backoffice, troubled in mind by what had just occurred. To

say that Ralph loved or cared forin the most ordinary acceptation of those termsany one of God's

creatures, would be the wildest fiction. Still, there had somehow stolen upon him from time to time a thought

of his niece which was tinged with compassion and pity; breaking through the dull cloud of dislike or

indifference which darkened men and women in his eyes, there was, in her case, the faintest gleam of

lighta most feeble and sickly ray at the best of timesbut there it was, and it showed the poor girl in a

'I wish,' thought Ralph, 'I had never done this. And yet it will keep this boy to me, while there is money to be

made. Selling a girlthrowing her in the way of temptation, and insult, and coarse speech. Nearly two

thousand pounds profit from him already though. Pshaw! matchmaking mothers do the same thing every

'If I had not put them in the right track today,' thought Ralph, 'this foolish woman would have done so. Well.

If her daughter is as true to herself as she should be from what I have seen, what harm ensues? A little

teasing, a little humbling, a few tears. Yes,' said Ralph, aloud, as he locked his iron safe. 'She must take her

Mrs Nickleby had not felt so proud and important for many a day, as when, on reaching home, she gave

herself wholly up to the pleasant visions which had accompanied her on her way thither. Lady Mulberry

Hawkthat was the prevalent idea. Lady Mulberry Hawk!On Tuesday last, at St George's, Hanover

Square, by the Right Reverend the Bishop of Llandaff, Sir Mulberry Hawk, of Mulberry Castle, North Wales,

to Catherine, only daughter of the late Nicholas Nickleby, Esquire, of Devonshire. 'Upon my word!' cried Mrs

Having dispatched the ceremony, with its attendant festivities, to the perfect satisfaction of her own mind, the

sanguine mother pictured to her imagination a long train of honours and distinctions which could not fail to

accompany Kate in her new and brilliant sphere. She would be presented at court, of course. On the

anniversary of her birthday, which was upon the nineteenth of July ('at ten minutes past three o'clock in the

morning,' thought Mrs Nickleby in a parenthesis, 'for I recollect asking what o'clock it was'), Sir Mulberry

would give a great feast to all his tenants, and would return them three and a half per cent on the amount of

their last halfyear's rent, as would be fully described and recorded in the fashionable intelligence, to the

immeasurable delight and admiration of all the readers thereof. Kate's picture, too, would be in at least

halfadozen of the annuals, and on the opposite page would appear, in delicate type, 'Lines on

contemplating the Portrait of Lady Mulberry Hawk. By Sir Dingleby Dabber.' Perhaps some one annual, of

more comprehensive design than its fellows, might even contain a portrait of the mother of Lady Mulberry

Hawk, with lines by the father of Sir Dingleby Dabber. More unlikely things had come to pass. Less

interesting portraits had appeared. As this thought occurred to the good lady, her countenance unconsciously

assumed that compound expression of simpering and sleepiness which, being common to all such portraits, is

With such triumphs of aerial architecture did Mrs Nickleby occupy the whole evening after her accidental

introduction to Ralph's titled friends; and dreams, no less prophetic and equally promising, haunted her sleep

that night. She was preparing for her frugal dinner next day, still occupied with the same ideasa little

softened down perhaps by sleep and daylightwhen the girl who attended her, partly for company, and

partly to assist in the household affairs, rushed into the room in unwonted agitation, and announced that two

'Bless my heart!' cried Mrs Nickleby, hastily arranging her cap and front, 'if it should bedear me, standing

in the passage all this timewhy don't you go and ask them to walk up, you stupid thing?'

CHAPTER 27. Mrs Nickleby becomes acquainted with Messrs Pyke and Pluck, whose Affection and Interest are beyond all Bounds 235

While the girl was gone on this errand, Mrs Nickleby hastily swept into a cupboard all vestiges of eating and

drinking; which she had scarcely done, and seated herself with looks as collected as she could assume, when

'How do you DO?' said one gentleman, laying great stress on the last word of the inquiry.

'HOW do you do?' said the other gentleman, altering the emphasis, as if to give variety to the salutation.

Mrs Nickleby curtseyed and smiled, and curtseyed again, and remarked, rubbing her hands as she did so, that

'To know us,' said the first gentleman. 'The loss has been ours, Mrs Nickleby. Has the loss been ours, Pyke?'

'But now,' said the first gentleman, 'now we have the happiness we have pined and languished for. Have we

'You hear him, ma'am?' said Mr Pluck, looking round; 'you hear the unimpeachable testimony of my friend

Pykethat reminds me, formalities, formalities, must not be neglected in civilised society. PykeMrs

'Whether I shall introduce myself with the same formality,' said Mr Pluck'whether I shall say myself that

my name is Pluck, or whether I shall ask my friend Pyke (who being now regularly introduced, is competent

to the office) to state for me, Mrs Nickleby, that my name is Pluck; whether I shall claim your acquaintance

on the plain ground of the strong interest I take in your welfare, or whether I shall make myself known to you

as the friend of Sir Mulberry Hawk these, Mrs Nickleby, are considerations which I leave to you to

'Any friend of Sir Mulberry Hawk's requires no better introduction to me,' observed Mrs Nickleby,

'It is delightful to hear you say so,' said Mr Pluck, drawing a chair close to Mrs Nickleby, and sitting himself

down. 'It is refreshing to know that you hold my excellent friend, Sir Mulberry, in such high esteem. A word

in your ear, Mrs Nickleby. When Sir Mulberry knows it, he will be a happy manI say, Mrs Nickleby, a

'MY good opinion,' said Mrs Nickleby, and the poor lady exulted in the idea that she was marvellously

sly,'my good opinion can be of very little consequence to a gentleman like Sir Mulberry.'

'Of little consequence!' exclaimed Mr Pluck. 'Pyke, of what consequence to our friend, Sir Mulberry, is the

CHAPTER 27. Mrs Nickleby becomes acquainted with Messrs Pyke and Pluck, whose Affection and Interest are beyond all Bounds 236

'Mrs Nickleby cannot be ignorant,' said Mr Pluck, 'of the immense impression which that sweet girl has'

'Pyke is right,' muttered Mr Pluck, after a short pause; 'I was not to mention it. Pyke is very right. Thank you,

'Well now, really,' thought Mrs Nickleby within herself. 'Such delicacy as that, I never saw!'

Mr Pluck, after feigning to be in a condition of great embarrassment for some minutes, resumed the

conversation by entreating Mrs Nickleby to take no heed of what he had inadvertently saidto consider him

imprudent, rash, injudicious. The only stipulation he would make in his own favour was, that she should give

'But when,' said Mr Pluck, 'when I see so much sweetness and beauty on the one hand, and so much ardour

and devotion on the other, I pardon me, Pyke, I didn't intend to resume that theme. Change the subject,

'We promised Sir Mulberry and Lord Frederick,' said Pyke, 'that we'd call this morning and inquire whether

'Not the least in the world last night, sir,' replied Mrs Nickleby, 'with many thanks to his lordship and Sir

Mulberry for doing me the honour to inquire; not the leastwhich is the more singular, as I really am very

subject to colds, indeedvery subject. I had a cold once,' said Mrs Nickleby, 'I think it was in the year

eighteen hundred and seventeen; let me see, four and five are nine, andyes, eighteen hundred and

seventeen, that I thought I never should get rid of; actually and seriously, that I thought I never should get rid

of. I was only cured at last by a remedy that I don't know whether you ever happened to hear of, Mr Pluck.

You have a gallon of water as hot as you can possibly bear it, with a pound of salt, and sixpen'orth of the

finest bran, and sit with your head in it for twenty minutes every night just before going to bed; at least, I

don't mean your headyour feet. It's a most extraordinary curea most extraordinary cure. I used it for the

first time, I recollect, the day after Christmas Day, and by the middle of April following the cold was gone. It

seems quite a miracle when you come to think of it, for I had it ever since the beginning of September.'

'But it's worth the pain of hearing, only to know that Mrs Nickleby recovered it, isn't it, Pluck?' cried Mr

'That is the circumstance which gives it such a thrilling interest,' replied Mr Pluck.

'But come,' said Pyke, as if suddenly recollecting himself; 'we must not forget our mission in the pleasure of

CHAPTER 27. Mrs Nickleby becomes acquainted with Messrs Pyke and Pluck, whose Affection and Interest are beyond all Bounds 237

'On a mission,' exclaimed that good lady, to whose mind a definite proposal of marriage for Kate at once

'We bring the compliments of Sir Mulberry Hawk, and a thousand entreaties that you'll take a seat in a private

'And that is the very reason, my dear Mrs Nickleby, why you should go out tonight,' retorted Mr Pluck. 'Pyke,

'There's not a but in the case, my dear Mrs Nickleby,' remonstrated Mr Pluck; 'not such a word in the

vocabulary. Your brotherinlaw joins us, Lord Frederick joins us, Sir Mulberry joins us, Pyke joins usa

refusal is out of the question. Sir Mulberry sends a carriage for youtwenty minutes before seven to the

'You are so very pressing, that I scarcely know what to say,' replied the worthy lady.

'Say nothing; not a word, not a word, my dearest madam,' urged Mr Pluck. 'Mrs Nickleby,' said that excellent

gentleman, lowering his voice, 'there is the most trifling, the most excusable breach of confidence in what I

am about to say; and yet if my friend Pyke there overheard itsuch is that man's delicate sense of honour,

Mrs Nickleby cast an apprehensive glance at the warlike Pyke, who had walked to the window; and Mr

'Your daughter has made a conquesta conquest on which I may congratulate you. Sir Mulberry, my dear

'Hah!' cried Mr Pyke at this juncture, snatching something from the chimneypiece with a theatrical air.

'It is the face, the countenance, the expression,' cried Mr Pyke, falling into his chair with a miniature in his

hand; 'feebly portrayed, imperfectly caught, but still THE face, THE countenance, THE expression.'

'I recognise it at this distance!' exclaimed Mr Pluck in a fit of enthusiasm. 'Is it not, my dear madam, the faint

'It is my daughter's portrait,' said Mrs Nickleby, with great pride. And so it was. And little Miss La Creevy

CHAPTER 27. Mrs Nickleby becomes acquainted with Messrs Pyke and Pluck, whose Affection and Interest are beyond all Bounds 238

Mr Pyke no sooner ascertained that he was quite right in his conjecture, than he launched into the most

extravagant encomiums of the divine original; and in the warmth of his enthusiasm kissed the picture a

thousand times, while Mr Pluck pressed Mrs Nickleby's hand to his heart, and congratulated her on the

possession of such a daughter, with so much earnestness and affection, that the tears stood, or seemed to

stand, in his eyes. Poor Mrs Nickleby, who had listened in a state of enviable complacency at first, became at

length quite overpowered by these tokens of regard for, and attachment to, the family; and even the servant

girl, who had peeped in at the door, remained rooted to the spot in astonishment at the ecstasies of the two

By degrees these raptures subsided, and Mrs Nickleby went on to entertain her guests with a lament over her

fallen fortunes, and a picturesque account of her old house in the country: comprising a full description of the

different apartments, not forgetting the little storeroom, and a lively recollection of how many steps you

went down to get into the garden, and which way you turned when you came out at the parlour door, and

what capital fixtures there were in the kitchen. This last reflection naturally conducted her into the

washhouse, where she stumbled upon the brewing utensils, among which she might have wandered for an

hour, if the mere mention of those implements had not, by an association of ideas, instantly reminded Mr

'And I'll tell you what,' said Mr Pyke; 'if you'll send round to the publichouse for a pot of milk

And positively and actually Mr Pyke DID drink it, and Mr Pluck helped him, while Mrs Nickleby looked on

in divided admiration of the condescension of the two, and the aptitude with which they accommodated

themselves to the pewterpot; in explanation of which seeming marvel it may be here observed, that

gentlemen who, like Messrs Pyke and Pluck, live upon their wits (or not so much, perhaps, upon the presence

of their own wits as upon the absence of wits in other people) are occasionally reduced to very narrow shifts

and straits, and are at such periods accustomed to regale themselves in a very simple and primitive manner.

'At twenty minutes before seven, then,' said Mr Pyke, rising, 'the coach will be here. One more lookone

little lookat that sweet face. Ah! here it is. Unmoved, unchanged!' This, by the way, was a very remarkable

circumstance, miniatures being liable to so many changes of expression'Oh, Pluck! Pluck!'

Mr Pluck made no other reply than kissing Mrs Nickleby's hand with a great show of feeling and attachment;

Mrs Nickleby was commonly in the habit of giving herself credit for a pretty tolerable share of penetration

and acuteness, but she had never felt so satisfied with her own sharpsightedness as she did that day. She had

found it all out the night before. She had never seen Sir Mulberry and Kate togethernever even heard Sir

Mulberry's nameand yet hadn't she said to herself from the very first, that she saw how the case stood? and

what a triumph it was, for there was now no doubt about it. If these flattering attentions to herself were not

sufficient proofs, Sir Mulberry's confidential friend had suffered the secret to escape him in so many words. 'I

There was one great source of uneasiness in the midst of this good fortune, and that was the having nobody

by, to whom she could confide it. Once or twice she almost resolved to walk straight to Miss La Creevy's and

tell it all to her. 'But I don't know,' thought Mrs Nickleby; 'she is a very worthy person, but I am afraid too

much beneath Sir Mulberry's station for us to make a companion of. Poor thing!' Acting upon this grave

consideration she rejected the idea of taking the little portrait painter into her confidence, and contented

herself with holding out sundry vague and mysterious hopes of preferment to the servant girl, who received

CHAPTER 27. Mrs Nickleby becomes acquainted with Messrs Pyke and Pluck, whose Affection and Interest are beyond all Bounds 239

Punctual to its time came the promised vehicle, which was no hackney coach, but a private chariot, having

behind it a footman, whose legs, although somewhat large for his body, might, as mere abstract legs, have set

themselves up for models at the Royal Academy. It was quite exhilarating to hear the clash and bustle with

which he banged the door and jumped up behind after Mrs Nickleby was in; and as that good lady was

perfectly unconscious that he applied the goldheaded end of his long stick to his nose, and so telegraphed

most disrespectfully to the coachman over her very head, she sat in a state of much stiffness and dignity, not a

At the theatre entrance there was more banging and more bustle, and there were also Messrs Pyke and Pluck

waiting to escort her to her box; and so polite were they, that Mr Pyke threatened with many oaths to

'smifligate' a very old man with a lantern who accidentally stumbled in her wayto the great terror of Mrs

Nickleby, who, conjecturing more from Mr Pyke's excitement than any previous acquaintance with the

etymology of the word that smifligation and bloodshed must be in the main one and the same thing, was

alarmed beyond expression, lest something should occur. Fortunately, however, Mr Pyke confined himself to

mere verbal smifligation, and they reached their box with no more serious interruption by the way, than a

desire on the part of the same pugnacious gentleman to 'smash' the assistant boxkeeper for happening to

Mrs Nickleby had scarcely been put away behind the curtain of the box in an armchair, when Sir Mulberry

and Lord Verisopht arrived, arrayed from the crowns of their heads to the tips of their gloves, and from the

tips of their gloves to the toes of their boots, in the most elegant and costly manner. Sir Mulberry was a little

hoarser than on the previous day, and Lord Verisopht looked rather sleepy and queer; from which tokens, as

well as from the circumstance of their both being to a trifling extent unsteady upon their legs, Mrs Nickleby

'We have beenwe have beentoasting your lovely daughter, Mrs Nickleby,' whispered Sir Mulberry,

'Oh, ho!' thought that knowing lady; 'wine in, truth out.You are very kind, Sir Mulberry.'

'No, no upon my soul!' replied Sir Mulberry Hawk. 'It's you that's kind, upon my soul it is. It was so kind of

'So very kind of you to invite me, you mean, Sir Mulberry,' replied Mrs Nickleby, tossing her head, and

'I am so anxious to know you, so anxious to cultivate your good opinion, so desirous that there should be a

delicious kind of harmonious family understanding between us,' said Sir Mulberry, 'that you mustn't think I'm

'I am sure you can't be selfish, Sir Mulberry!' replied Mrs Nickleby. 'You have much too open and generous a

'Oh no, indeed, I don't see very far into things, Sir Mulberry,' replied Mrs Nickleby, in a tone of voice which

'I am quite afraid of you,' said the baronet. 'Upon my soul,' repeated Sir Mulberry, looking round to his

CHAPTER 27. Mrs Nickleby becomes acquainted with Messrs Pyke and Pluck, whose Affection and Interest are beyond all Bounds 240

Messrs Pyke and Pluck shook their heads mysteriously, and observed together that they had found that out

long ago; upon which Mrs Nickleby tittered, and Sir Mulberry laughed, and Pyke and Pluck roared.

'But where's my brotherinlaw, Sir Mulberry?' inquired Mrs Nickleby. 'I shouldn't be here without him. I

'Pyke,' said Sir Mulberry, taking out his toothpick and lolling back in his chair, as if he were too lazy to

'Pluck,' said Pyke, imitating the baronet's action, and turning the lie over to his friend, 'where's Ralph

Mr Pluck was about to return some evasive reply, when the hustle caused by a party entering the next box

seemed to attract the attention of all four gentlemen, who exchanged glances of much meaning. The new

party beginning to converse together, Sir Mulberry suddenly assumed the character of a most attentive

'Hush!' replied Sir Mulberry, laying his hand on her arm. 'Lord Frederick, do you recognise the tones of that

'Lor, my lord!' cried Miss Nickleby's mama, thrusting her head round the curtain. 'Why actuallyKate, my

'Why whowho on earth is that you have with you, mama?' said Kate, shrinking back as she caught sight of

'Who do you suppose, my dear?' replied Mrs Nickleby, bending towards Mrs Wititterly, and speaking a little

louder for that lady's edification. 'There's Mr Pyke, Mr Pluck, Sir Mulberry Hawk, and Lord Frederick

Now, Kate thought thus SO hurriedly, and the surprise was so great, and moreover brought back so forcibly

the recollection of what had passed at Ralph's delectable dinner, that she turned extremely pale and appeared

greatly agitated, which symptoms being observed by Mrs Nickleby, were at once set down by that acute lady

as being caused and occasioned by violent love. But, although she was in no small degree delighted by this

discovery, which reflected so much credit on her own quickness of perception, it did not lessen her motherly

anxiety in Kate's behalf; and accordingly, with a vast quantity of trepidation, she quitted her own box to

hasten into that of Mrs Wititterly. Mrs Wititterly, keenly alive to the glory of having a lord and a baronet

among her visiting acquaintance, lost no time in signing to Mr Wititterly to open the door, and thus it was

that in less than thirty seconds Mrs Nickleby's party had made an irruption into Mrs Wititterly's box, which it

CHAPTER 27. Mrs Nickleby becomes acquainted with Messrs Pyke and Pluck, whose Affection and Interest are beyond all Bounds 241

filled to the very door, there being in fact only room for Messrs Pyke and Pluck to get in their heads and

'My dear Kate,' said Mrs Nickleby, kissing her daughter affectionately. 'How ill you looked a moment ago!

'It was mere fancy, mama,thethereflection of the lights perhaps,' replied Kate, glancing nervously

But Sir Mulberry Hawk was not to be so easily repulsed, for he advanced with extended hand; and Mrs

Nickleby officiously informing Kate of this circumstance, she was obliged to extend her own. Sir Mulberry

detained it while he murmured a profusion of compliments, which Kate, remembering what had passed

between them, rightly considered as so many aggravations of the insult he had already put upon her. Then

followed the recognition of Lord Verisopht, and then the greeting of Mr Pyke, and then that of Mr Pluck, and

finally, to complete the young lady's mortification, she was compelled at Mrs Wititterly's request to perform

the ceremony of introducing the odious persons, whom she regarded with the utmost indignation and

'Mrs Wititterly is delighted,' said Mr Wititterly, rubbing his hands; 'delighted, my lord, I am sure, with this

opportunity of contracting an acquaintance which, I trust, my lord, we shall improve. Julia, my dear, you

must not allow yourself to be too much excited, you must not. Indeed you must not. Mrs Wititterly is of a

most excitable nature, Sir Mulberry. The snuff of a candle, the wick of a lamp, the bloom on a peach, the

down on a butterfly. You might blow her away, my lord; you might blow her away.'

Sir Mulberry seemed to think that it would be a great convenience if the lady could be blown away. He said,

however, that the delight was mutual, and Lord Verisopht added that it was mutual, whereupon Messrs Pyke

and Pluck were heard to murmur from the distance that it was very mutual indeed.

'I take an interest, my lord,' said Mrs Wititterly, with a faint smile, 'such an interest in the drama.'

'I'm always ill after Shakespeare,' said Mrs Wititterly. 'I scarcely exist the next day; I find the reaction so very

'Do you know, my lord,' said Mrs Wititterly, after a long silence, 'I find I take so much more interest in his

plays, after having been to that dear little dull house he was born in! Were you ever there, my lord?'

'Then really you ought to go, my lord,' returned Mrs Wititterly, in very languid and drawling accents. 'I don't

know how it is, but after you've seen the place and written your name in the little book, somehow or other

CHAPTER 27. Mrs Nickleby becomes acquainted with Messrs Pyke and Pluck, whose Affection and Interest are beyond all Bounds 242

'Julia, my life,' interposed Mr Wititterly, 'you are deceiving his lordshipunintentionally, my lord, she is

deceiving you. It is your poetical temperament, my dearyour ethereal soulyour fervid imagination,

which throws you into a glow of genius and excitement. There is nothing in the place, my dearnothing,

'I think there must be something in the place,' said Mrs Nickleby, who had been listening in silence; 'for, soon

after I was married, I went to Stratford with my poor dear Mr Nickleby, in a postchaise from

Birminghamwas it a postchaise though?' said Mrs Nickleby, considering; 'yes, it must have been a

postchaise, because I recollect remarking at the time that the driver had a green shade over his left eye;in

a postchaise from Birmingham, and after we had seen Shakespeare's tomb and birthplace, we went back to

the inn there, where we slept that night, and I recollect that all night long I dreamt of nothing but a black

gentleman, at full length, in plasterofParis, with a laydown collar tied with two tassels, leaning against a

post and thinking; and when I woke in the morning and described him to Mr Nickleby, he said it was

Shakespeare just as he had been when he was alive, which was very curious indeed. StratfordStratford,'

continued Mrs Nickleby, considering. 'Yes, I am positive about that, because I recollect I was in the family

way with my son Nicholas at the time, and I had been very much frightened by an Italian image boy that very

morning. In fact, it was quite a mercy, ma'am,' added Mrs Nickleby, in a whisper to Mrs Wititterly, 'that my

son didn't turn out to be a Shakespeare, and what a dreadful thing that would have been!'

When Mrs Nickleby had brought this interesting anecdote to a close, Pyke and Pluck, ever zealous in their

patron's cause, proposed the adjournment of a detachment of the party into the next box; and with so much

skill were the preliminaries adjusted, that Kate, despite all she could say or do to the contrary, had no

alternative but to suffer herself to be led away by Sir Mulberry Hawk. Her mother and Mr Pluck accompanied

them, but the worthy lady, pluming herself upon her discretion, took particular care not so much as to look at

her daughter during the whole evening, and to seem wholly absorbed in the jokes and conversation of Mr

Pluck, who, having been appointed sentry over Mrs Nickleby for that especial purpose, neglected, on his side,

Lord Frederick Verisopht remained in the next box to be talked to by Mrs Wititterly, and Mr Pyke was in

attendance to throw in a word or two when necessary. As to Mr Wititterly, he was sufficiently busy in the

body of the house, informing such of his friends and acquaintance as happened to be there, that those two

gentlemen upstairs, whom they had seen in conversation with Mrs W., were the distinguished Lord Frederick

Verisopht and his most intimate friend, the gay Sir Mulberry Hawka communication which inflamed

several respectable housekeepers with the utmost jealousy and rage, and reduced sixteen unmarried

The evening came to an end at last, but Kate had yet to be handed downstairs by the detested Sir Mulberry;

and so skilfully were the manoeuvres of Messrs Pyke and Pluck conducted, that she and the baronet were the

last of the party, and were evenwithout an appearance of effort or designleft at some little distance

'Don't hurry, don't hurry,' said Sir Mulberry, as Kate hastened on, and attempted to release her arm.

'And why not?' retorted Sir Mulberry. 'My dear creature, now why do you keep up this show of displeasure?'

CHAPTER 27. Mrs Nickleby becomes acquainted with Messrs Pyke and Pluck, whose Affection and Interest are beyond all Bounds 243

'SHOW!' repeated Kate, indignantly. 'How dare you presume to speak to me, sirto address meto come

'You look prettier in a passion, Miss Nickleby,' said Sir Mulberry Hawk, stooping down, the better to see her

'I hold you in the bitterest detestation and contempt, sir,' said Kate. 'If you find any attraction in looks of

disgust and aversion, youlet me rejoin my friends, sir, instantly. Whatever considerations may have

withheld me thus far, I will disregard them all, and take a course that even YOU might feel, if you do not

Sir Mulberry smiled, and still looking in her face and retaining her arm, walked towards the door.

'If no regard for my sex or helpless situation will induce you to desist from this coarse and unmanly

persecution,' said Kate, scarcely knowing, in the tumult of her passions, what she said,'I have a brother

'Upon my soul!' exclaimed Sir Mulberry, as though quietly communing with himself; passing his arm round

her waist as he spoke, 'she looks more beautiful, and I like her better in this mood, than when her eyes are

How Kate reached the lobby where her friends were waiting she never knew, but she hurried across it without

at all regarding them, and disengaged herself suddenly from her companion, sprang into the coach, and

Messrs Pyke and Pluck, knowing their cue, at once threw the party into great commotion by shouting for the

carriages, and getting up a violent quarrel with sundry inoffensive bystanders; in the midst of which tumult

they put the affrighted Mrs Nickleby in her chariot, and having got her safely off, turned their thoughts to Mrs

Wititterly, whose attention also they had now effectually distracted from the young lady, by throwing her into

a state of the utmost bewilderment and consternation. At length, the conveyance in which she had come

rolled off too with its load, and the four worthies, being left alone under the portico, enjoyed a hearty laugh

'There,' said Sir Mulberry, turning to his noble friend. 'Didn't I tell you last night that if we could find where

they were going by bribing a servant through my fellow, and then established ourselves close by with the

mother, these people's honour would be our own? Why here it is, done in fourandtwenty hours.'

'Hear him,' said Sir Mulberry, turning to his two friends. 'Hear this discontented grumbler. Isn't it enough to

make a man swear never to help him in his plots and schemes again? Isn't it an infernal shame?'

Pyke asked Pluck whether it was not an infernal shame, and Pluck asked Pyke; but neither answered.

'Wasn't it so!' repeated Sir Mulberry. 'How would you have had it? How could we have got a general

invitation at first sightcome when you like, go when you like, stop as long as you like, do what you

likeif you, the lord, had not made yourself agreeable to the foolish mistress of the house? Do I care for this

girl, except as your friend? Haven't I been sounding your praises in her ears, and bearing her pretty sulks and

peevishness all night for you? What sort of stuff do you think I'm made of? Would I do this for every man?

CHAPTER 27. Mrs Nickleby becomes acquainted with Messrs Pyke and Pluck, whose Affection and Interest are beyond all Bounds 244

'You're a deyvlish good fellow,' said the poor young lord, taking his friend's arm. 'Upon my life you're a

'Well then,' replied Sir Mulberry, 'I'm satisfied. And now let's go and have our revenge on the German baron

With these words the friendly creature took his companion's arm and led him away, turning half round as he

did so, and bestowing a wink and a contemptuous smile on Messrs Pyke and Pluck, who, cramming their

handkerchiefs into their mouths to denote their silent enjoyment of the whole proceedings, followed their

The ensuing morning brought reflection with it, as morning usually does; but widely different was the train of

thought it awakened in the different persons who had been so unexpectedly brought together on the preceding

The reflections of Sir Mulberry Hawkif such a term can be applied to the thoughts of the systematic and

calculating man of dissipation, whose joys, regrets, pains, and pleasures, are all of self, and who would seem

to retain nothing of the intellectual faculty but the power to debase himself, and to degrade the very nature

whose outward semblance he wearsthe reflections of Sir Mulberry Hawk turned upon Kate Nickleby, and

were, in brief, that she was undoubtedly handsome; that her coyness MUST be easily conquerable by a man

of his address and experience, and that the pursuit was one which could not fail to redound to his credit, and

greatly to enhance his reputation with the world. And lest this last considerationno mean or secondary one

with Sir Mulberry should sound strangely in the ears of some, let it be remembered that most men live in a

world of their own, and that in that limited circle alone are they ambitious for distinction and applause. Sir

Thus, cases of injustice, and oppression, and tyranny, and the most extravagant bigotry, are in constant

occurrence among us every day. It is the custom to trumpet forth much wonder and astonishment at the chief

actors therein setting at defiance so completely the opinion of the world; but there is no greater fallacy; it is

precisely because they do consult the opinion of their own little world that such things take place at all, and

The reflections of Mrs Nickleby were of the proudest and most complacent kind; and under the influence of

her very agreeable delusion she straightway sat down and indited a long letter to Kate, in which she expressed

her entire approval of the admirable choice she had made, and extolled Sir Mulberry to the skies; asserting,

for the more complete satisfaction of her daughter's feelings, that he was precisely the individual whom she

(Mrs Nickleby) would have chosen for her soninlaw, if she had had the picking and choosing from all

mankind. The good lady then, with the preliminary observation that she might be fairly supposed not to have

lived in the world so long without knowing its ways, communicated a great many subtle precepts applicable

to the state of courtship, and confirmed in their wisdom by her own personal experience. Above all things she

commended a strict maidenly reserve, as being not only a very laudable thing in itself, but as tending

materially to strengthen and increase a lover's ardour. 'And I never,' added Mrs Nickleby, 'was more delighted

in my life than to observe last night, my dear, that your good sense had already told you this.' With which

sentiment, and various hints of the pleasure she derived from the knowledge that her daughter inherited so

large an instalment of her own excellent sense and discretion (to nearly the full measure of which she might

hope, with care, to succeed in time), Mrs Nickleby concluded a very long and rather illegible letter.

Poor Kate was wellnigh distracted on the receipt of four closely written and closelycrossed sides of

congratulation on the very subject which had prevented her closing her eyes all night, and kept her weeping

and watching in her chamber; still worse and more trying was the necessity of rendering herself agreeable to

Mrs Wititterly, who, being in low spirits after the fatigue of the preceding night, of course expected her

companion (else wherefore had she board and salary?) to be in the best spirits possible. As to Mr Wititterly,

he went about all day in a tremor of delight at having shaken hands with a lord, and having actually asked

him to come and see him in his own house. The lord himself, not being troubled to any inconvenient extent

with the power of thinking, regaled himself with the conversation of Messrs Pyke and Pluck, who sharpened

their wit by a plentiful indulgence in various costly stimulants at his expense.

It was four in the afternoonthat is, the vulgar afternoon of the sun and the clockand Mrs Wititterly

reclined, according to custom, on the drawingroom sofa, while Kate read aloud a new novel in three

volumes, entitled 'The Lady Flabella,' which Alphonse the doubtful had procured from the library that very

morning. And it was a production admirably suited to a lady labouring under Mrs Wititterly's complaint,

seeing that there was not a line in it, from beginning to end, which could, by the most remote contingency,

'"Cherizette," said the Lady Flabella, inserting her mouselike feet in the blue satin slippers, which had

unwittingly occasioned the halfplayful halfangry altercation between herself and the youthful Colonel

Befillaire, in the Duke of Mincefenille's SALON DE DANSE on the previous night. "CHERIZETTE, MA

'"MERCIEthank you," said the Lady Flabella, as the lively but devoted Cherizette plentifully besprinkled

with the fragrant compound the Lady Flabella's MOUCHOIR of finest cambric, edged with richest lace, and

emblazoned at the four corners with the Flabella crest, and gorgeous heraldic bearings of that noble family.

'At this instant, while the Lady Flabella yet inhaled that delicious fragrance by holding the MOUCHOIR to

her exquisite, but thoughtfullychiselled nose, the door of the BOUDOIR (artfully concealed by rich

hangings of silken damask, the hue of Italy's firmament) was thrown open, and with noiseless tread two

VALETSDE CHAMBRE, clad in sumptuous liveries of peachblossom and gold, advanced into the room

followed by a page in BAS DE SOIEsilk stockingswho, while they remained at some distance making

the most graceful obeisances, advanced to the feet of his lovely mistress, and dropping on one knee

'The Lady Flabella, with an agitation she could not repress, hastily tore off the ENVELOPE and broke the

scented seal. It WAS from Befillairethe young, the slim, the lowvoicedHER OWN Befillaire.'

'Oh, charming!' interrupted Kate's patroness, who was sometimes taken literary. 'Poetic, really. Read that

'Sweet, indeed!' said Mrs Wititterly, with a sigh. 'So voluptuous, is it notso soft?'

'Close the book, Miss Nickleby,' said Mrs Wititterly. 'I can hear nothing more today; I should be sorry to

Kate complied, not unwillingly; and, as she did so, Mrs Wititterly raising her glass with a languid hand,

'How very odd!' exclaimed Mrs Wititterly, with a look of surprise. And certainly, when one comes to think of

it, it WAS very odd that anything should have disturbed a companion. A steamengine, or other ingenious

'How did you come to know Lord Frederick, and those other delightful creatures, child?' asked Mrs

'I met them at my uncle's,' said Kate, vexed to feel that she was colouring deeply, but unable to keep down

'I was very glad of the opportunity which that respectable person, your mother, gave us of being known to

them,' said Mrs Wititterly, in a lofty manner. 'Some friends of ours were on the very point of introducing us,

This was said lest Miss Nickleby should grow conceited on the honour and dignity of having known four

great people (for Pyke and Pluck were included among the delightful creatures), whom Mrs Wititterly did not

know. But as the circumstance had made no impression one way or other upon Kate's mind, the force of the

'They asked permission to call,' said Mrs Wititterly. 'I gave it them of course.'

Mrs Wititterly's answer was lost in the noise of a tremendous rapping at the streetdoor, and before it had

ceased to vibrate, there drove up a handsome cabriolet, out of which leaped Sir Mulberry Hawk and his friend

'Miss Nickleby!' cried Mrs Wititterly, perfectly aghast at a companion's attempting to quit the room, without

'For goodness' sake, don't agitate me by making me speak so much,' said Mrs Wititterly, with great sharpness.

It was in vain for Kate to protest that she was unwell, for the footsteps of the knockers, whoever they were,

were already on the stairs. She resumed her seat, and had scarcely done so, when the doubtful page darted

into the room and announced, Mr Pyke, and Mr Pluck, and Lord Verisopht, and Sir Mulberry Hawk, all at

'The most extraordinary thing in the world,' said Mr Pluck, saluting both ladies with the utmost cordiality; 'the

most extraordinary thing. As Lord Frederick and Sir Mulberry drove up to the door, Pyke and I had that

'No matter how you came, so that you are here,' said Mrs Wititterly, who, by dint of lying on the same sofa

for three years and a half, had got up quite a little pantomime of graceful attitudes, and now threw herself into

the most striking of the whole series, to astonish the visitors. 'I am delighted, I am sure.'

'And how is Miss Nickleby?' said Sir Mulberry Hawk, accosting Kate, in a low voicenot so low, however,

'Why, she complains of suffering from the fright of last night,' said the lady. 'I am sure I don't wonder at it,

'Beyond everything,' said Mr Pyke, coming to his patron's assistance. Of course Mr Pluck said the same.

'I am afraid Sir Mulberry is a flatterer, my lord,' said Mrs Wititterly, turning to that young gentleman, who

'Oh, deyvlish!' replied Verisopht. Having given utterance to which remarkable sentiment, he occupied himself

'Neither does Miss Nickleby look the worse,' said Sir Mulberry, bending his bold gaze upon her. 'She was

always handsome, but upon my soul, ma'am, you seem to have imparted some of your own good looks to her

To judge from the glow which suffused the poor girl's countenance after this speech, Mrs Wititterly might,

with some show of reason, have been supposed to have imparted to it some of that artificial bloom which

decorated her own. Mrs Wititterly admitted, though not with the best grace in the world, that Kate DID look

pretty. She began to think, too, that Sir Mulberry was not quite so agreeable a creature as she had at first

supposed him; for, although a skilful flatterer is a most delightful companion if you can keep him all to

yourself, his taste becomes very doubtful when he takes to complimenting other people.

'Pyke,' said the watchful Mr Pluck, observing the effect which the praise of Miss Nickleby had produced.

'Is there anybody,' demanded Mr Pluck, mysteriously, 'anybody you know, that Mrs Wititterly's profile

'The C. of B.,' replied Pyke, with the faintest trace of a grin lingering in his countenance. 'The beautiful sister

Here was a state of things! Mrs Wititterly was declared, upon the testimony of two veracious and competent

witnesses, to be the very picture of a countess! This was one of the consequences of getting into good society.

Why, she might have moved among grovelling people for twenty years, and never heard of it. How could she,

The two gentlemen having, by the greediness with which this little bait was swallowed, tested the extent of

Mrs Wititterly's appetite for adulation, proceeded to administer that commodity in very large doses, thus

affording to Sir Mulberry Hawk an opportunity of pestering Miss Nickleby with questions and remarks, to

which she was absolutely obliged to make some reply. Meanwhile, Lord Verisopht enjoyed unmolested the

full flavour of the gold knob at the top of his cane, as he would have done to the end of the interview if Mr

Wititterly had not come home, and caused the conversation to turn to his favourite topic.

'My lord,' said Mr Wititterly, 'I am delightedhonouredproud. Be seated again, my lord, pray. I am proud,

It was to the secret annoyance of his wife that Mr Wititterly said all this, for, although she was bursting with

pride and arrogance, she would have had the illustrious guests believe that their visit was quite a common

occurrence, and that they had lords and baronets to see them every day in the week. But Mr Wititterly's

'It is an honour, indeed!' said Mr Wititterly. 'Julia, my soul, you will suffer for this tomorrow.'

'The reaction, my lord, the reaction,' said Mr Wititterly. 'This violent strain upon the nervous system over, my

lord, what ensues? A sinking, a depression, a lowness, a lassitude, a debility. My lord, if Sir Tumley Snuffim

was to see that delicate creature at this moment, he would not give aaTHIS for her life.' In illustration of

which remark, Mr Wititterly took a pinch of snuff from his box, and jerked it lightly into the air as an

'Not THAT,' said Mr Wititterly, looking about him with a serious countenance. 'Sir Tumley Snuffim would

Mr Wititterly told this with a kind of sober exultation, as if it were no trifling distinction for a man to have a

wife in such a desperate state, and Mrs Wititterly sighed and looked on, as if she felt the honour, but had

'Mrs Wititterly,' said her husband, 'is Sir Tumley Snuffim's favourite patient. I believe I may venture to say,

that Mrs Wititterly is the first person who took the new medicine which is supposed to have destroyed a

family at Kensington Gravel Pits. I believe she was. If I am wrong, Julia, my dear, you will correct me.'

As there appeared to be some doubt in the mind of his patron how he could best join in this conversation, the

indefatigable Mr Pyke threw himself into the breach, and, by way of saying something to the point,

'I think you are, my dear Julia,' replied her husband, in a tone which seemed to say that he was not vain, but

still must insist upon their privileges. 'If anybody, my lord,' added Mr Wititterly, wheeling round to the

nobleman, 'will produce to me a greater martyr than Mrs Wititterly, all I can say is, that I shall be glad to see

Pyke and Pluck promptly remarked that certainly nothing could be fairer than that; and the call having been

by this time protracted to a very great length, they obeyed Sir Mulberry's look, and rose to go. This brought

Sir Mulberry himself and Lord Verisopht on their legs also. Many protestations of friendship, and

expressions anticipative of the pleasure which must inevitably flow from so happy an acquaintance, were

exchanged, and the visitors departed, with renewed assurances that at all times and seasons the mansion of

That they came at all times and seasonsthat they dined there one day, supped the next, dined again on the

next, and were constantly to and fro on allthat they made parties to visit public places, and met by accident

at loungesthat upon all these occasions Miss Nickleby was exposed to the constant and unremitting

persecution of Sir Mulberry Hawk, who now began to feel his character, even in the estimation of his two

dependants, involved in the successful reduction of her pridethat she had no intervals of peace or rest,

except at those hours when she could sit in her solitary room, and weep over the trials of the dayall these

were consequences naturally flowing from the welllaid plans of Sir Mulberry, and their able execution by

And thus for a fortnight matters went on. That any but the weakest and silliest of people could have seen in

one interview that Lord Verisopht, though he was a lord, and Sir Mulberry Hawk, though he was a baronet,

were not persons accustomed to be the best possible companions, and were certainly not calculated by habits,

manners, tastes, or conversation, to shine with any very great lustre in the society of ladies, need scarcely be

remarked. But with Mrs Wititterly the two titles were all sufficient; coarseness became humour, vulgarity

softened itself down into the most charming eccentricity; insolence took the guise of an easy absence of

reserve, attainable only by those who had had the good fortune to mix with high folks.

If the mistress put such a construction upon the behaviour of her new friends, what could the companion urge

against them? If they accustomed themselves to very little restraint before the lady of the house, with how

much more freedom could they address her paid dependent! Nor was even this the worst. As the odious Sir

Mulberry Hawk attached himself to Kate with less and less of disguise, Mrs Wititterly began to grow jealous

of the superior attractions of Miss Nickleby. If this feeling had led to her banishment from the drawingroom

when such company was there, Kate would have been only too happy and willing that it should have existed,

but unfortunately for her she possessed that native grace and true gentility of manner, and those thousand

nameless accomplishments which give to female society its greatest charm; if these be valuable anywhere,

they were especially so where the lady of the house was a mere animated doll. The consequence was, that

Kate had the double mortification of being an indispensable part of the circle when Sir Mulberry and his

friends were there, and of being exposed, on that very account, to all Mrs Wititterly's illhumours and

Mrs Wititterly had never thrown off the mask with regard to Sir Mulberry, but when she was more than

usually out of temper, attributed the circumstance, as ladies sometimes do, to nervous indisposition.

However, as the dreadful idea that Lord Verisopht also was somewhat taken with Kate, and that she, Mrs

Wititterly, was quite a secondary person, dawned upon that lady's mind and gradually developed itself, she

became possessed with a large quantity of highly proper and most virtuous indignation, and felt it her duty, as

a married lady and a moral member of society, to mention the circumstance to 'the young person' without

Accordingly Mrs Wititterly broke ground next morning, during a pause in the novelreading.

'Miss Nickleby,' said Mrs Wititterly, 'I wish to speak to you very gravely. I am sorry to have to do it, upon my

word I am very sorry, but you leave me no alternative, Miss Nickleby.' Here Mrs Wititterly tossed her

headnot passionately, only virtuouslyand remarked, with some appearance of excitement, that she

'Your behaviour, Miss Nickleby,' resumed the lady, 'is very far from pleasing mevery far. I am very

anxious indeed that you should do well, but you may depend upon it, Miss Nickleby, you will not, if you go

'Don't agitate me by speaking in that way, Miss Nickleby, don't,' said Mrs Wititterly, with some violence, 'or

'You needn't suppose,' resumed Mrs Wititterly, 'that your looking at me in that way, Miss Nickleby, will

prevent my saying what I am going to say, which I feel to be a religious duty. You needn't direct your glances

towards me,' said Mrs Wititterly, with a sudden burst of spite; 'I am not Sir Mulberry, no, nor Lord Frederick

Kate looked at her again, but less steadily than before; and resting her elbow on the table, covered her eyes

'If such things had been done when I was a young girl,' said Mrs Wititterly (this, by the way, must have been

'I don't think they would,' murmured Kate. 'I do not think anybody would believe, without actually knowing

'Don't talk to me of being doomed to undergo, Miss Nickleby, if you please,' said Mrs Wititterly, with a

shrillness of tone quite surprising in so great an invalid. 'I will not be answered, Miss Nickleby. I am not

accustomed to be answered, nor will I permit it for an instant. Do you hear?' she added, waiting with some

'I do hear you, ma'am,' replied Kate, 'with surprisewith greater surprise than I can express.'

'I have always considered you a particularly wellbehaved young person for your station in life,' said Mrs

Wititterly; 'and as you are a person of healthy appearance, and neat in your dress and so forth, I have taken an

interest in you, as I do still, considering that I owe a sort of duty to that respectable old female, your mother.

For these reasons, Miss Nickleby, I must tell you once for all, and begging you to mind what I say, that I

must insist upon your immediately altering your very forward behaviour to the gentleman who visit at this

house. It really is not becoming,' said Mrs Wititterly, closing her chaste eyes as she spoke; 'it is

'Oh!' cried Kate, looking upwards and clasping her hands; 'is not this, is not this, too cruel, too hard to bear! Is

it not enough that I should have suffered as I have, night and day; that I should almost have sunk in my own

estimation from very shame of having been brought into contact with such people; but must I also be exposed

'You will have the goodness to recollect, Miss Nickleby,' said Mrs Wititterly, 'that when you use such terms

as "unjust", and "unfounded", you charge me, in effect, with stating that which is untrue.'

'I do,' said Kate with honest indignation. 'Whether you make this accusation of yourself, or at the prompting

of others, is alike to me. I say it IS vilely, grossly, wilfully untrue. Is it possible!' cried Kate, 'that anyone of

my own sex can have sat by, and not have seen the misery these men have caused me? Is it possible that you,

ma'am, can have been present, and failed to mark the insulting freedom that their every look bespoke? Is it

possible that you can have avoided seeing, that these libertines, in their utter disrespect for you, and utter

disregard of all gentlemanly behaviour, and almost of decency, have had but one object in introducing

themselves here, and that the furtherance of their designs upon a friendless, helpless girl, who, without this

humiliating confession, might have hoped to receive from one so much her senior something like womanly

If poor Kate had possessed the slightest knowledge of the world, she certainly would not have ventured, even

in the excitement into which she had been lashed, upon such an injudicious speech as this. Its effect was

precisely what a more experienced observer would have foreseen. Mrs Wititterly received the attack upon her

veracity with exemplary calmness, and listened with the most heroic fortitude to Kate's account of her own

sufferings. But allusion being made to her being held in disregard by the gentlemen, she evinced violent

emotion, and this blow was no sooner followed up by the remark concerning her seniority, than she fell back

'What is the matter?' cried Mr Wititterly, bouncing into the room. 'Heavens, what do I see? Julia! Julia! look

But Julia looked down most perseveringly, and screamed still louder; so Mr Wititterly rang the bell, and

danced in a frenzied manner round the sofa on which Mrs Wititterly lay; uttering perpetual cries for Sir

Tumley Snuffim, and never once leaving off to ask for any explanation of the scene before him.

'Run for Sir Tumley,' cried Mr Wititterly, menacing the page with both fists. 'I knew it, Miss Nickleby,' he

said, looking round with an air of melancholy triumph, 'that society has been too much for her. This is all

soul, you know, every bit of it.' With this assurance Mr Wititterly took up the prostrate form of Mrs

Kate waited until Sir Tumley Snuffim had paid his visit and looked in with a report, that, through the special

interposition of a merciful Providence (thus spake Sir Tumley), Mrs Wititterly had gone to sleep. She then

hastily attired herself for walking, and leaving word that she should return within a couple of hours, hurried

It had been a good day with Ralph Nicklebyquite a lucky day; and as he walked to and fro in his little

backroom with his hands clasped behind him, adding up in his own mind all the sums that had been, or

would be, netted from the business done since morning, his mouth was drawn into a hard stern smile; while

the firmness of the lines and curves that made it up, as well as the cunning glance of his cold, bright eye,

seemed to tell, that if any resolution or cunning would increase the profits, they would not fail to be excited

'Very good!' said Ralph, in allusion, no doubt, to some proceeding of the day. 'He defies the usurer, does he?

'He is content,' said Ralph, relaxing into a smile, 'to set his known character and conduct against the power of

moneydross, as he calls it. Why, what a dull blockhead this fellow must be! Dross to, dross! Who's that?'

Newman jerked his head towards his little room, to signify that she was waiting there.

'No,' replied Ralph. 'Show her in! Stay.' He hastily put away a padlocked cashbox that was on the table, and

substituted in its stead an empty purse. 'There,' said Ralph. 'NOW she may come in.'

Newman, with a grim smile at this manoeuvre, beckoned the young lady to advance, and having placed a

chair for her, retired; looking stealthily over his shoulder at Ralph as he limped slowly out.

'Well,' said Ralph, roughly enough; but still with something more of kindness in his manner than he would

Kate raised her eyes, which were filled with tears; and with an effort to master her emotion strove to speak,

but in vain. So drooping her head again, she remained silent. Her face was hidden from his view, but Ralph

'I can guess the cause of this!' thought Ralph, after looking at her for some time in silence. 'I canI

canguess the cause. Well! Well!' thought Ralphfor the moment quite disconcerted, as he watched the

anguish of his beautiful niece. 'Where is the harm? only a few tears; and it's an excellent lesson for her, an

He was rather taken aback by the sudden firmness with which Kate looked up and answered him.

'The matter which brings me to you, sir,' she said, 'is one which should call the blood up into your cheeks, and

make you burn to hear, as it does me to tell. I have been wronged; my feelings have been outraged, insulted,

'By the men I saw here, then,' returned Kate, quickly. 'If they were no friends of yours, and you knew what

they were,oh, the more shame on you, uncle, for bringing me among them. To have subjected me to what I

was exposed to here, through any misplaced confidence or imperfect knowledge of your guests, would have

required some strong excuse; but if you did itas I now believe you didknowing them well, it was most

Ralph drew back in utter amazement at this plain speaking, and regarded Kate with the sternest look. But she

met his gaze proudly and firmly, and although her face was very pale, it looked more noble and handsome,

'There is some of that boy's blood in you, I see,' said Ralph, speaking in his harshest tones, as something in

'I hope there is!' replied Kate. 'I should be proud to know it. I am young, uncle, and all the difficulties and

miseries of my situation have kept it down, but I have been roused today beyond all endurance, and come

'Remember what took place here, and ask yourself,' replied Kate, colouring deeply. 'Uncle, you mustI am

sure you willrelease me from such vile and degrading companionship as I am exposed to now. I do not

mean,' said Kate, hurrying to the old man, and laying her arm upon his shoulder; 'I do not mean to be angry

and violentI beg your pardon if I have seemed so, dear uncle,but you do not know what I have suffered,

you do not indeed. You cannot tell what the heart of a young girl isI have no right to expect you should;

but when I tell you that I am wretched, and that my heart is breaking, I am sure you will help me. I am sure, I

Ralph looked at her for an instant; then turned away his head, and beat his foot nervously upon the ground.

'I have gone on day after day,' said Kate, bending over him, and timidly placing her little hand in his, 'in the

hope that this persecution would cease; I have gone on day after day, compelled to assume the appearance of

cheerfulness, when I was most unhappy. I have had no counsellor, no adviser, no one to protect me. Mama

supposes that these are honourable men, rich and distinguished, and how CAN Ihow can I undeceive

herwhen she is so happy in these little delusions, which are the only happiness she has? The lady with

whom you placed me, is not the person to whom I could confide matters of so much delicacy, and I have

come at last to you, the only friend I have at handalmost the only friend I have at allto entreat and

'How can I assist you, child?' said Ralph, rising from his chair, and pacing up and down the room in his old

'You have influence with one of these men, I KNOW,' rejoined Kate, emphatically. 'Would not a word from

'No,' said Ralph, coming to a dead stop, and clasping his hands more tightly behind him. 'I can't say it.'

Kate fell back a step or two, and looked at him, as if in doubt whether she had heard aright.

'We are connected in business,' said Ralph, poising himself alternately on his toes and heels, and looking

coolly in his niece's face, 'in business, and I can't afford to offend them. What is it after all? We have all our

trials, and this is one of yours. Some girls would be proud to have such gallants at their feet.'

'I don't say,' rejoined Ralph, raising his forefinger, 'but that you do right to despise them; no, you show your

good sense in that, as indeed I knew from the first you would. Well. In all other respects you are comfortably

bestowed. It's not much to bear. If this young lord does dog your footsteps, and whisper his drivelling

inanities in your ears, what of it? It's a dishonourable passion. So be it; it won't last long. Some other novelty

'In the mean time,' interrupted Kate, with becoming pride and indignation, 'I am to be the scorn of my own

sex, and the toy of the other; justly condemned by all women of right feeling, and despised by all honest and

honourable men; sunken in my own esteem, and degraded in every eye that looks upon me. No, not if I work

my fingers to the bone, not if I am driven to the roughest and hardest labour. Do not mistake me. I will not

disgrace your recommendation. I will remain in the house in which it placed me, until I am entitled to leave it

by the terms of my engagement; though, mind, I see these men no more. When I quit it, I will hide myself

from them and you, and, striving to support my mother by hard service, I will live, at least, in peace, and trust

With these words, she waved her hand, and quitted the room, leaving Ralph Nickleby motionless as a statue.

The surprise with which Kate, as she closed the roomdoor, beheld, close beside it, Newman Noggs standing

bolt upright in a little niche in the wall like some scarecrow or Guy Faux laid up in winter quarters, almost

occasioned her to call aloud. But, Newman laying his finger upon his lips, she had the presence of mind to

'Don't,' said Newman, gliding out of his recess, and accompanying her across the hall. 'Don't cry, don't cry.'

'I see how it is,' said poor Noggs, drawing from his pocket what seemed to be a very old duster, and wiping

Kate's eyes with it, as gently as if she were an infant. 'You're giving way now. Yes, yes, very good; that's

right, I like that. It was right not to give way before him. Yes, yes! Ha, ha, ha! Oh, yes. Poor thing!'

With these disjointed exclamations, Newman wiped his own eyes with the aforementioned duster, and,

'Don't cry any more,' whispered Newman. 'I shall see you soon. Ha! ha! ha! And so shall somebody else too.

'Same to you,' rejoined Newman, opening the door again a little way to say so. 'Ha, ha, ha! Ho! ho! ho!'

And Newman Noggs opened the door once again to nod cheerfully, and laughand shut it, to shake his head

Ralph remained in the same attitude till he heard the noise of the closing door, when he shrugged his

shoulders, and after a few turns about the roomhasty at first, but gradually becoming slower, as he relapsed

It is one of those problems of human nature, which may be noted down, but not solved;although Ralph felt

no remorse at that moment for his conduct towards the innocent, truehearted girl; although his libertine

clients had done precisely what he had expected, precisely what he most wished, and precisely what would

tend most to his advantage, still he hated them for doing it, from the very bottom of his soul.

'Ugh!' said Ralph, scowling round, and shaking his clenched hand as the faces of the two profligates rose up

As the usurer turned for consolation to his books and papers, a performance was going on outside his office

door, which would have occasioned him no small surprise, if he could by any means have become acquainted

Newman Noggs was the sole actor. He stood at a little distance from the door, with his face towards it; and

with the sleeves of his coat turned back at the wrists, was occupied in bestowing the most vigorous, scientific,

At first sight, this would have appeared merely a wise precaution in a man of sedentary habits, with the view

of opening the chest and strengthening the muscles of the arms. But the intense eagerness and joy depicted in

the face of Newman Noggs, which was suffused with perspiration; the surprising energy with which he

directed a constant succession of blows towards a particular panel about five feet eight from the ground, and

still worked away in the most untiring and persevering manner, would have sufficiently explained to the

attentive observer, that his imagination was thrashing, to within an inch of his life, his body's most active

The unexpected success and favour with which his experiment at Portsmouth had been received, induced Mr

Crummles to prolong his stay in that town for a fortnight beyond the period he had originally assigned for the

duration of his visit, during which time Nicholas personated a vast variety of characters with undiminished

success, and attracted so many people to the theatre who had never been seen there before, that a benefit was

considered by the manager a very promising speculation. Nicholas assenting to the terms proposed, the

Possessed of this unexpected wealth, his first act was to enclose to honest John Browdie the amount of his

friendly loan, which he accompanied with many expressions of gratitude and esteem, and many cordial

wishes for his matrimonial happiness. To Newman Noggs he forwarded one half of the sum he had realised,

entreating him to take an opportunity of handing it to Kate in secret, and conveying to her the warmest

assurances of his love and affection. He made no mention of the way in which he had employed himself;

CHAPTER 29. Of the Proceedings of Nicholas, and certain Internal Divisions in the Company of Mr Vincent Crummles 256

merely informing Newman that a letter addressed to him under his assumed name at the Post Office,

Portsmouth, would readily find him, and entreating that worthy friend to write full particulars of the situation

of his mother and sister, and an account of all the grand things that Ralph Nickleby had done for them since

'You are out of spirits,' said Smike, on the night after the letter had been dispatched.

'Not I!' rejoined Nicholas, with assumed gaiety, for the confession would have made the boy miserable all

'She must be VERY beautiful,' said Smike, after thinking a little while with his hands folded together, and his

'Anybody who didn't know you as well as I do, my dear fellow, would say you were an accomplished

'I don't even know what that is,' replied Smike, shaking his head. 'Shall I ever see your sister?'

'To be sure,' cried Nicholas; 'we shall all be together one of these dayswhen we are rich, Smike.'

'How is it that you, who are so kind and good to me, have nobody to be kind to you?' asked Smike. 'I cannot

'Why, it is a long story,' replied Nicholas, 'and one you would have some difficulty in comprehending, I fear.

'Well, it is owing to him,' returned Nicholas. 'He is rich, and not so easily punished as YOUR old enemy, Mr

'Has he though?' asked Smike, bending eagerly forward. 'What is his name? Tell me his name.'

He had muttered it over to himself some twenty times, when a loud knock at the door disturbed him from his

occupation. Before he could open it, Mr Folair, the pantomimist, thrust in his head.

Mr Folair's head was usually decorated with a very round hat, unusually high in the crown, and curled up

quite tight in the brims. On the present occasion he wore it very much on one side, with the back part forward

in consequence of its being the least rusty; round his neck he wore a flaming red worsted comforter, whereof

CHAPTER 29. Of the Proceedings of Nicholas, and certain Internal Divisions in the Company of Mr Vincent Crummles 257

the straggling ends peeped out beneath his threadbare Newmarket coat, which was very tight and buttoned all

the way up. He carried in his hand one very dirty glove, and a cheap dress cane with a glass handle; in short,

his whole appearance was unusually dashing, and demonstrated a far more scrupulous attention to his toilet

'Goodevening, sir,' said Mr Folair, taking off the tall hat, and running his fingers through his hair. 'I bring a

'From whom and what about?' inquired Nicholas. 'You are unusually mysterious tonight.'

'Cold, perhaps,' returned Mr Folair; 'cold, perhaps. That is the fault of my positionnot of myself, Mr

Johnson. My position as a mutual friend requires it, sir.' Mr Folair paused with a most impressive look, and

diving into the hat before noticed, drew from thence a small piece of whitybrown paper curiously folded,

whence he brought forth a note which it had served to keep clean, and handing it over to Nicholas, said

Nicholas, in a state of much amazement, took the note and broke the seal, glancing at Mr Folair as he did so,

who, knitting his brow and pursing up his mouth with great dignity, was sitting with his eyes steadily fixed

It was directed to blank Johnson, Esq., by favour of Augustus Folair, Esq.; and the astonishment of Nicholas

was in no degree lessened, when he found it to be couched in the following laconic terms:

"Mr Lenville presents his kind regards to Mr Johnson, and will feel obliged if he will inform him at what

hour tomorrow morning it will be most convenient to him to meet Mr L. at the Theatre, for the purpose of

"Mr Lenville requests Mr Johnson not to neglect making an appointment, as he has invited two or three

professional friends to witness the ceremony, and cannot disappoint them upon any account whatever.

Indignant as he was at this impertinence, there was something so exquisitely absurd in such a cartel of

defiance, that Nicholas was obliged to bite his lip and read the note over two or three times before he could

muster sufficient gravity and sternness to address the hostile messenger, who had not taken his eyes from the

'Yes,' rejoined Mr Folair, looking round for an instant, and immediately carrying his eyes back again to the

'And how dare you bring it here, sir?' asked Nicholas, tearing it into very little pieces, and jerking it in a

shower towards the messenger. 'Had you no fear of being kicked downstairs, sir?'

Mr Folair turned his headnow ornamented with several fragments of the notetowards Nicholas, and with

'Then,' said Nicholas, taking up the tall hat and tossing it towards the door, 'you had better follow that article

of your dress, sir, or you may find yourself very disagreeably deceived, and that within a dozen seconds.'

CHAPTER 29. Of the Proceedings of Nicholas, and certain Internal Divisions in the Company of Mr Vincent Crummles 258

'I say, Johnson,' remonstrated Mr Folair, suddenly losing all his dignity, 'none of that, you know. No tricks

'Leave the room,' returned Nicholas. 'How could you presume to come here on such an errand, you

'Pooh! pooh!' said Mr Folair, unwinding his comforter, and gradually getting himself out of it. 'Therethat's

'Pooh! pooh! I tell you,' returned Mr Folair, waving his hand in deprecation of any further wrath; 'I wasn't in

'You had better be careful how you indulge in such jokes again,' said Nicholas, 'or you may find an allusion

to pulling noses rather a dangerous reminder for the subject of your facetiousness. Was it written in joke, too,

'No, no, that's the best of it,' returned the actor; 'right down earnesthonour bright.'

Nicholas could not repress a smile at the odd figure before him, which, at all times more calculated to

provoke mirth than anger, was especially so at that moment, when with one knee upon the ground, Mr Folair

twirled his old hat round upon his hand, and affected the extremest agony lest any of the nap should have

been knocked offan ornament which it is almost superfluous to say, it had not boasted for many months.

'Come, sir,' said Nicholas, laughing in spite of himself. 'Have the goodness to explain.'

'Why, I'll tell you how it is,' said Mr Folair, sitting himself down in a chair with great coolness. 'Since you

came here Lenville has done nothing but second business, and, instead of having a reception every night as he

'Jupiter!' exclaimed Mr Folair, 'what an unsophisticated shepherd you are, Johnson! Why, applause from the

house when you first come on. So he has gone on night after night, never getting a hand, and you getting a

couple of rounds at least, and sometimes three, till at length he got quite desperate, and had half a mind last

night to play Tybalt with a real sword, and pink younot dangerously, but just enough to lay you up for a

'Yes, I think it was under the circumstances; his professional reputation being at stake,' said Mr Folair, quite

seriously. 'But his heart failed him, and he cast about for some other way of annoying you, and making

himself popular at the same timefor that's the point. Notoriety, notoriety, is the thing. Bless you, if he had

pinked you,' said Mr Folair, stopping to make a calculation in his mind, 'it would have been worthah, it

would have been worth eight or ten shillings a week to him. All the town would have come to see the actor

who nearly killed a man by mistake; I shouldn't wonder if it had got him an engagement in London.

However, he was obliged to try some other mode of getting popular, and this one occurred to him. It's clever

idea, really. If you had shown the white feather, and let him pull your nose, he'd have got it into the paper; if

you had sworn the peace against him, it would have been in the paper too, and he'd have been just as much

CHAPTER 29. Of the Proceedings of Nicholas, and certain Internal Divisions in the Company of Mr Vincent Crummles 259

'Oh, certainly,' rejoined Nicholas; 'but suppose I were to turn the tables, and pull HIS nose, what then? Would

'Why, I don't think it would,' replied Mr Folair, scratching his head, 'because there wouldn't be any romance

about it, and he wouldn't be favourably known. To tell you the truth though, he didn't calculate much upon

that, for you're always so mildspoken, and are so popular among the women, that we didn't suspect you of

showing fight. If you did, however, he has a way of getting out of it easily, depend upon that.'

'Has he?' rejoined Nicholas. 'We will try, tomorrow morning. In the meantime, you can give whatever

As Mr Folair was pretty well known among his fellowactors for a man who delighted in mischief, and was

by no means scrupulous, Nicholas had not much doubt but that he had secretly prompted the tragedian in the

course he had taken, and, moreover, that he would have carried his mission with a very high hand if he had

not been disconcerted by the very unexpected demonstrations with which it had been received. It was not

worth his while to be serious with him, however, so he dismissed the pantomimist, with a gentle hint that if

he offended again it would be under the penalty of a broken head; and Mr Folair, taking the caution in

exceedingly good part, walked away to confer with his principal, and give such an account of his proceedings

He had no doubt reported that Nicholas was in a state of extreme bodily fear; for when that young gentleman

walked with much deliberation down to the theatre next morning at the usual hour, he found all the company

assembled in evident expectation, and Mr Lenville, with his severest stage face, sitting majestically on a

Now the ladies were on the side of Nicholas, and the gentlemen (being jealous) were on the side of the

disappointed tragedian; so that the latter formed a little group about the redoubtable Mr Lenville, and the

former looked on at a little distance in some trepidation and anxiety. On Nicholas stopping to salute them, Mr

Lenville laughed a scornful laugh, and made some general remark touching the natural history of puppies.

'Slave!' returned Mr Lenville, flourishing his right arm, and approaching Nicholas with a theatrical stride. But

somehow he appeared just at that moment a little startled, as if Nicholas did not look quite so frightened as he

had expected, and came all at once to an awkward halt, at which the assembled ladies burst into a shrill laugh.

Nicholas laughed in very unexpected enjoyment of this performance; and the ladies, by way of

encouragement, laughed louder than before; whereat Mr Lenville assumed his bitterest smile, and expressed

'But they shall not protect ye!' said the tragedian, taking an upward look at Nicholas, beginning at his boots

and ending at the crown of his head, and then a downward one, beginning at the crown of his head, and

ending at his bootswhich two looks, as everybody knows, express defiance on the stage. 'They shall not

Thus speaking, Mr Lenville folded his arms, and treated Nicholas to that expression of face with which, in

melodramatic performances, he was in the habit of regarding the tyrannical kings when they said, 'Away with

him to the deepest dungeon beneath the castle moat;' and which, accompanied with a little jingling of fetters,

CHAPTER 29. Of the Proceedings of Nicholas, and certain Internal Divisions in the Company of Mr Vincent Crummles 260

Whether it was the absence of the fetters or not, it made no very deep impression on Mr Lenville's adversary,

however, but rather seemed to increase the goodhumour expressed in his countenance; in which stage of the

contest, one or two gentlemen, who had come out expressly to witness the pulling of Nicholas's nose, grew

impatient, murmuring that if it were to be done at all it had better be done at once, and that if Mr Lenville

didn't mean to do it he had better say so, and not keep them waiting there. Thus urged, the tragedian adjusted

the cuff of his right coat sleeve for the performance of the operation, and walked in a very stately manner up

to Nicholas, who suffered him to approach to within the requisite distance, and then, without the smallest

Before the discomfited tragedian could raise his head from the boards, Mrs Lenville (who, as has been before

hinted, was in an interesting state) rushed from the rear rank of ladies, and uttering a piercing scream threw

'Do you see this, monster? Do you see THIS?' cried Mr Lenville, sitting up, and pointing to his prostrate lady,

'Come,' said Nicholas, nodding his head, 'apologise for the insolent note you wrote to me last night, and waste

'Yesyesyes!' screamed his wife. 'For my sakefor mine, Lenvilleforego all idle forms, unless you

'This is affecting!' said Mr Lenville, looking round him, and drawing the back of his hand across his eyes.

'The ties of nature are strong. The weak husband and the fatherthe father that is yet to berelents. I

'Humbly and submissively,' returned the tragedian, scowling upwards. 'But only to save her,for a time will

'Very good,' said Nicholas; 'I hope Mrs Lenville may have a good one; and when it does come, and you are a

father, you shall retract it if you have the courage. There. Be careful, sir, to what lengths your jealousy carries

you another time; and be careful, also, before you venture too far, to ascertain your rival's temper.' With this

parting advice Nicholas picked up Mr Lenville's ash stick which had flown out of his hand, and breaking it in

half, threw him the pieces and withdrew, bowing slightly to the spectators as he walked out.

The profoundest deference was paid to Nicholas that night, and the people who had been most anxious to

have his nose pulled in the morning, embraced occasions of taking him aside, and telling him with great

feeling, how very friendly they took it that he should have treated that Lenville so properly, who was a most

unbearable fellow, and on whom they had all, by a remarkable coincidence, at one time or other contemplated

the infliction of condign punishment, which they had only been restrained from administering by

considerations of mercy; indeed, to judge from the invariable termination of all these stories, there never was

such a charitable and kindhearted set of people as the male members of Mr Crummles's company.

Nicholas bore his triumph, as he had his success in the little world of the theatre, with the utmost moderation

and good humour. The crestfallen Mr Lenville made an expiring effort to obtain revenge by sending a boy

into the gallery to hiss, but he fell a sacrifice to popular indignation, and was promptly turned out without

CHAPTER 29. Of the Proceedings of Nicholas, and certain Internal Divisions in the Company of Mr Vincent Crummles 261

'Well, Smike,' said Nicholas when the first piece was over, and he had almost finished dressing to go home,

'From Newman Noggs,' said Nicholas, casting his eye upon the cramped direction; 'it's no easy matter to

By dint of poring over the letter for half an hour, he contrived to make himself master of the contents, which

were certainly not of a nature to set his mind at ease. Newman took upon himself to send back the ten pounds,

observing that he had ascertained that neither Mrs Nickleby nor Kate was in actual want of money at the

moment, and that a time might shortly come when Nicholas might want it more. He entreated him not to be

alarmed at what he was about to say;there was no bad newsthey were in good healthbut he thought

circumstances might occur, or were occurring, which would render it absolutely necessary that Kate should

have her brother's protection, and if so, Newman said, he would write to him to that effect, either by the next

Nicholas read this passage very often, and the more he thought of it the more he began to fear some treachery

upon the part of Ralph. Once or twice he felt tempted to repair to London at all hazards without an hour's

delay, but a little reflection assured him that if such a step were necessary, Newman would have spoken out

'At all events I should prepare them here for the possibility of my going away suddenly,' said Nicholas; 'I

should lose no time in doing that.' As the thought occurred to him, he took up his hat and hurried to the

'Well, Mr Johnson,' said Mrs Crummles, who was seated there in full regal costume, with the phenomenon as

the Maiden in her maternal arms, 'next week for Ryde, then for Winchester, then for'

'I have some reason to fear,' interrupted Nicholas, 'that before you leave here my career with you will have

'Closed!' cried Miss Snevellicci, trembling so much in her tights that she actually laid her hand upon the

'Why he don't mean to say he's going!' exclaimed Mrs Grudden, making her way towards Mrs Crummles.

The phenomenon, being of an affectionate nature and moreover excitable, raised a loud cry, and Miss

Belvawney and Miss Bravassa actually shed tears. Even the male performers stopped in their conversation,

and echoed the word 'Going!' although some among them (and they had been the loudest in their

congratulations that day) winked at each other as though they would not be sorry to lose such a favoured

rival; an opinion, indeed, which the honest Mr Folair, who was ready dressed for the savage, openly stated in

Nicholas briefly said that he feared it would be so, although he could not yet speak with any degree of

certainty; and getting away as soon as he could, went home to con Newman's letter once more, and speculate

CHAPTER 29. Of the Proceedings of Nicholas, and certain Internal Divisions in the Company of Mr Vincent Crummles 262

How trifling all that had been occupying his time and thoughts for many weeks seemed to him during that

sleepless night, and how constantly and incessantly present to his imagination was the one idea that Kate in

the midst of some great trouble and distress might even then be lookingand vainly toofor him!

Mr Vincent Crummles was no sooner acquainted with the public announcement which Nicholas had made

relative to the probability of his shortly ceasing to be a member of the company, than he evinced many tokens

of grief and consternation; and, in the extremity of his despair, even held out certain vague promises of a

speedy improvement not only in the amount of his regular salary, but also in the contingent emoluments

appertaining to his authorship. Finding Nicholas bent upon quitting the societyfor he had now determined

that, even if no further tidings came from Newman, he would, at all hazards, ease his mind by repairing to

London and ascertaining the exact position of his sisterMr Crummles was fain to content himself by

calculating the chances of his coming back again, and taking prompt and energetic measures to make the

'Let me see,' said Mr Crummles, taking off his outlaw's wig, the better to arrive at a coolheaded view of the

whole case. 'Let me see. This is Wednesday night. We'll have posters out the first thing in the morning,

'But perhaps it may not be my last appearance, you know,' said Nicholas. 'Unless I am summoned away, I

'So much the better,' returned Mr Crummles. 'We can have positively your last appearance, on

Thursdayreengagement for one night more, on Fridayand, yielding to the wishes of numerous

influential patrons, who were disappointed in obtaining seats, on Saturday. That ought to bring three very

'Yes,' rejoined the manager, scratching his head with an air of some vexation; 'three is not enough, and it's

very bungling and irregular not to have more, but if we can't help it we can't, so there's no use in talking. A

novelty would be very desirable. You couldn't sing a comic song on the pony's back, could you?'

'It has drawn money before now,' said Mr Crummles, with a look of disappointment. 'What do you think of a

'Eighteenpence would do it,' said Mr Crummles. 'You on the top of a pair of steps with the phenomenon in

an attitude; "Farewell!" on a transparency behind; and nine people at the wings with a squib in each

handall the dozen and a half going off at onceit would be very grandawful from the front, quite

As Nicholas appeared by no means impressed with the solemnity of the proposed effect, but, on the contrary,

received the proposition in a most irreverent manner, and laughed at it very heartily, Mr Crummles

CHAPTER 30. Festivities are held in honour of Nicholas, who suddenly withdraws himself from the Society of Mr Vincent Crummles and his Theatrical Companions 263

abandoned the project in its birth, and gloomily observed that they must make up the best bill they could with

For the purpose of carrying this object into instant execution, the manager at once repaired to a small

dressingroom, adjacent, where Mrs Crummles was then occupied in exchanging the habiliments of a

melodramatic empress for the ordinary attire of matrons in the nineteenth century. And with the assistance of

this lady, and the accomplished Mrs Grudden (who had quite a genius for making out bills, being a great hand

at throwing in the notes of admiration, and knowing from long experience exactly where the largest capitals

'Heigho!' sighed Nicholas, as he threw himself back in the prompter's chair, after telegraphing the needful

directions to Smike, who had been playing a meagre tailor in the interlude, with one skirt to his coat, and a

little pockethandkerchief with a large hole in it, and a woollen nightcap, and a red nose, and other

distinctive marks peculiar to tailors on the stage. 'Heigho! I wish all this were over.'

'Over, Mr Johnson!' repeated a female voice behind him, in a kind of plaintive surprise.

'It was an ungallant speech, certainly,' said Nicholas, looking up to see who the speaker was, and recognising

Miss Snevellicci. 'I would not have made it if I had known you had been within hearing.'

'What a dear that Mr Digby is!' said Miss Snevellicci, as the tailor went off on the opposite side, at the end of

'I'll tell him presently, for his gratification, that you said so,' returned Nicholas.

'Oh you naughty thing!' rejoined Miss Snevellicci. 'I don't know though, that I should much mind HIS

knowing my opinion of him; with some other people, indeed, it might be' Here Miss Snevellicci stopped,

as though waiting to be questioned, but no questioning came, for Nicholas was thinking about more serious

'How kind it is of you,' resumed Miss Snevellicci, after a short silence, 'to sit waiting here for him night after

night, night after night, no matter how tired you are; and taking so much pains with him, and doing it all with

'He well deserves all the kindness I can show him, and a great deal more,' said Nicholas. 'He is the most

'God help him, and those who have made him so; he is indeed,' rejoined Nicholas, shaking his head.

'He is such a devilish close chap,' said Mr Folair, who had come up a little before, and now joined in the

'What SHOULD they get out of him?' asked Nicholas, turning round with some abruptness.

'Zooks! what a fireeater you are, Johnson!' returned Mr Folair, pulling up the heel of his dancing shoe. 'I'm

only talking of the natural curiosity of the people here, to know what he has been about all his life.'

'Poor fellow! it is pretty plain, I should think, that he has not the intellect to have been about anything of

CHAPTER 30. Festivities are held in honour of Nicholas, who suddenly withdraws himself from the Society of Mr Vincent Crummles and his Theatrical Companions 264

'Ay,' rejoined the actor, contemplating the effect of his face in a lamp reflector, 'but that involves the whole

'Why, the who he is and what he is, and how you two, who are so different, came to be such close

companions,' replied Mr Folair, delighted with the opportunity of saying something disagreeable. 'That's in

'Perhaps you have,' rejoined the immovable Mr Folair; 'if you have, he said this before he was silenced:

Lenville says that you're a regular stick of an actor, and that it's only the mystery about you that has caused

you to go down with the people here, and that Crummles keeps it up for his own sake; though Lenville says

he don't believe there's anything at all in it, except your having got into a scrape and run away from

'That's a part of what he says,' added Mr Folair. 'I mention it as the friend of both parties, and in strict

confidence. I don't agree with him, you know. He says he takes Digby to be more knave than fool; and old

Fluggers, who does the heavy business you know, HE says that when he delivered messages at Covent

Garden the season before last, there used to be a pickpocket hovering about the coach stand who had exactly

the face of Digby; though, as he very properly says, Digby may not be the same, but only his brother, or some

'Yes,' said Mr Folair, with undisturbed calmness, 'that's what they say. I thought I'd tell you, because really

you ought to know. Oh! here's this blessed phenomenon at last. Ugh, you little imposition, I should like

toquite ready, my darling,humbugRing up, Mrs G., and let the favourite wake 'em.'

Uttering in a loud voice such of the latter allusions as were complimentary to the unconscious phenomenon,

and giving the rest in a confidential 'aside' to Nicholas, Mr Folair followed the ascent of the curtain with his

eyes, regarded with a sneer the reception of Miss Crummles as the Maiden, and, falling back a step or two to

advance with the better effect, uttered a preliminary howl, and 'went on' chattering his teeth and brandishing

'So these are some of the stories they invent about us, and bandy from mouth to mouth!' thought Nicholas. 'If

a man would commit an inexpiable offence against any society, large or small, let him be successful. They

'You surely don't mind what that malicious creature says, Mr Johnson?' observed Miss Snevellicci in her most

'Not I,' replied Nicholas. 'If I were going to remain here, I might think it worth my while to embroil myself.

As it is, let them talk till they are hoarse. But here,' added Nicholas, as Smike approached, 'here comes the

CHAPTER 30. Festivities are held in honour of Nicholas, who suddenly withdraws himself from the Society of Mr Vincent Crummles and his Theatrical Companions 265

subject of a portion of their good nature, so let he and I say good night together.'

'No, I will not let either of you say anything of the kind,' returned Miss Snevellicci. 'You must come home

and see mama, who only came to Portsmouth today, and is dying to behold you. Led, my dear, persuade Mr

'Oh, I'm sure,' returned Miss Ledrook, with considerable vivacity, 'if YOU can't persuade him' Miss

Ledrook said no more, but intimated, by a dexterous playfulness, that if Miss Snevellicci couldn't persuade

'Mr and Mrs Lillyvick have taken lodgings in our house, and share our sittingroom for the present,' said

'Surely,' returned Nicholas, 'I can require no possible inducement beyond your invitation.'

'Oh no! I dare say,' rejoined Miss Snevellicci. And Miss Ledrook said, 'Upon my word!' Upon which Miss

Snevellicci said that Miss Ledrook was a giddy thing; and Miss Ledrook said that Miss Snevellicci needn't

colour up quite so much; and Miss Snevellicci beat Miss Ledrook, and Miss Ledrook beat Miss Snevellicci.

'Come,' said Miss Ledrook, 'it's high time we were there, or we shall have poor Mrs Snevellicci thinking that

you have run away with her daughter, Mr Johnson; and then we should have a pretty todo.'

Miss Ledrook made no answer, but taking Smike's arm in hers, left her friend and Nicholas to follow at their

pleasure; which it pleased them, or rather pleased Nicholas, who had no great fancy for a TETEATETE

There were not wanting matters of conversation when they reached the street, for it turned out that Miss

Snevellicci had a small basket to carry home, and Miss Ledrook a small bandbox, both containing such minor

articles of theatrical costume as the lady performers usually carried to and fro every evening. Nicholas would

insist upon carrying the basket, and Miss Snevellicci would insist upon carrying it herself, which gave rise to

a struggle, in which Nicholas captured the basket and the bandbox likewise. Then Nicholas said, that he

wondered what could possibly be inside the basket, and attempted to peep in, whereat Miss Snevellicci

screamed, and declared that if she thought he had seen, she was sure she should faint away. This declaration

was followed by a similar attempt on the bandbox, and similar demonstrations on the part of Miss Ledrook,

and then both ladies vowed that they wouldn't move a step further until Nicholas had promised that he

wouldn't offer to peep again. At last Nicholas pledged himself to betray no further curiosity, and they walked

on: both ladies giggling very much, and declaring that they never had seen such a wicked creature in all their

Lightening the way with such pleasantry as this, they arrived at the tailor's house in no time; and here they

made quite a little party, there being present besides Mr Lillyvick and Mrs Lillyvick, not only Miss

Snevellicci's mama, but her papa also. And an uncommonly fine man Miss Snevellicci's papa was, with a

hook nose, and a white forehead, and curly black hair, and high cheek bones, and altogether quite a handsome

face, only a little pimply as though with drinking. He had a very broad chest had Miss Snevellicci's papa, and

he wore a threadbare blue dresscoat buttoned with gilt buttons tight across it; and he no sooner saw Nicholas

come into the room, than he whipped the two forefingers of his right hand in between the two centre buttons,

and sticking his other arm gracefully akimbo seemed to say, 'Now, here I am, my buck, and what have you

CHAPTER 30. Festivities are held in honour of Nicholas, who suddenly withdraws himself from the Society of Mr Vincent Crummles and his Theatrical Companions 266

Such was, and in such an attitude sat Miss Snevellicci's papa, who had been in the profession ever since he

had first played the ten yearold imps in the Christmas pantomimes; who could sing a little, dance a little,

fence a little, act a little, and do everything a little, but not much; who had been sometimes in the ballet, and

sometimes in the chorus, at every theatre in London; who was always selected in virtue of his figure to play

the military visitors and the speechless noblemen; who always wore a smart dress, and came on arminarm

with a smart lady in short petticoats,and always did it too with such an air that people in the pit had been

several times known to cry out 'Bravo!' under the impression that he was somebody. Such was Miss

Snevellicci's papa, upon whom some envious persons cast the imputation that he occasionally beat Miss

Snevellicci's mama, who was still a dancer, with a neat little figure and some remains of good looks; and who

now sat, as she danced,being rather too old for the full glare of the footlights,in the background.

To these good people Nicholas was presented with much formality. The introduction being completed, Miss

Snevellicci's papa (who was scented with rumandwater) said that he was delighted to make the

acquaintance of a gentleman so highly talented; and furthermore remarked, that there hadn't been such a hit

madeno, not since the first appearance of his friend Mr Glavormelly, at the Coburg.

'You never saw my friend Glavormelly, sir!' said Miss Snevellicci's papa. 'Then you have never seen acting

'He is,' said Mr Snevellicci, 'but he isn't in Westminster Abbey, more's the shame. He was a. Well, no

matter. He is gone to that bourne from whence no traveller returns. I hope he is appreciated THERE.'

So saying Miss Snevellicci's papa rubbed the tip of his nose with a very yellow silk handkerchief, and gave

'Quite well, sir,' replied the collector. 'There is nothing like the married state, sir, depend upon it.'

'Ah! nothing like it, sir,' replied Mr Lillyvick solemnly. 'How do you think,' whispered the collector, drawing

'Why, there's air about her, sir,' whispered the collector, 'that I never saw in anybody. Look at her, now she

'Ha, ha, ha!' rejoined the collector. 'No. Do you think I am though, eh? Perhaps I may be, perhaps I may be. I

say, I couldn't have done much better if I had been a young man, could I? You couldn't have done much

better yourself, could youehcould you?' With such inquires, and many more such, Mr Lillyvick jerked

his elbow into Nicholas's side, and chuckled till his face became quite purple in the attempt to keep down his

CHAPTER 30. Festivities are held in honour of Nicholas, who suddenly withdraws himself from the Society of Mr Vincent Crummles and his Theatrical Companions 267

By this time the cloth had been laid under the joint superintendence of all the ladies, upon two tables put

together, one being high and narrow, and the other low and broad. There were oysters at the top, sausages at

the bottom, a pair of snuffers in the centre, and baked potatoes wherever it was most convenient to put them.

Two additional chairs were brought in from the bedroom: Miss Snevellicci sat at the head of the table, and

Mr Lillyvick at the foot; and Nicholas had not only the honour of sitting next Miss Snevellicci, but of having

Miss Snevellicci's mama on his right hand, and Miss Snevellicci's papa over the way. In short, he was the

hero of the feast; and when the table was cleared and something warm introduced, Miss Snevellicci's papa got

up and proposed his health in a speech containing such affecting allusions to his coming departure, that Miss

'Hush! Don't take any notice of it,' said Miss Ledrook, peeping in from the bedroom. 'Say, when she comes

Miss Ledrook eked out this speech with so many mysterious nods and frowns before she shut the door again,

that a profound silence came upon all the company, during which Miss Snevellicci's papa looked very big

indeedseveral sizes larger than lifeat everybody in turn, but particularly at Nicholas, and kept on

perpetually emptying his tumbler and filling it again, until the ladies returned in a cluster, with Miss

'You needn't alarm yourself a bit, Mr Snevellicci,' said Mrs Lillyvick. 'She is only a little weak and nervous;

'Oh yes, that's all. Don't make a fuss about it,' cried all the ladies together.

Now this was not exactly the kind of reply suited to Mr Snevellicci's importance as a man and a father, so he

picked out the unfortunate Mrs Snevellicci, and asked her what the devil she meant by talking to him in that

'Why not?' said Mr Snevellicci. 'I hope you don't suppose there's anybody here who is to prevent my talking

'Nobody would if they did want to,' said Mr Snevellicci. 'I am not ashamed of myself, Snevellicci is my

name; I'm to be found in Broad Court, Bow Street, when I'm in town. If I'm not at home, let any man ask for

me at the stagedoor. Damme, they know me at the stage door I suppose. Most men have seen my portrait

at the cigar shop round the corner. I've been mentioned in the newspapers before now, haven't I? Talk! I'll tell

CHAPTER 30. Festivities are held in honour of Nicholas, who suddenly withdraws himself from the Society of Mr Vincent Crummles and his Theatrical Companions 268

you what; if I found out that any man had been tampering with the affections of my daughter, I wouldn't talk.

So saying, Mr Snevellicci struck the palm of his left hand three smart blows with his clenched fist; pulled a

phantom nose with his right thumb and forefinger, and swallowed another glassful at a draught. 'That's my

Most public characters have their failings; and the truth is that Mr Snevellicci was a little addicted to

drinking; or, if the whole truth must be told, that he was scarcely ever sober. He knew in his cups three

distinct stages of intoxication,the dignifiedthe quarrelsomethe amorous. When professionally

engaged he never got beyond the dignified; in private circles he went through all three, passing from one to

another with a rapidity of transition often rather perplexing to those who had not the honour of his

Thus Mr Snevellicci had no sooner swallowed another glassful than he smiled upon all present in happy

forgetfulness of having exhibited symptoms of pugnacity, and proposed 'The ladies! Bless their hearts!' in a

'I love 'em,' said Mr Snevellicci, looking round the table, 'I love 'em, every one.'

The collector looked into the surrounding faces with an aspect of grave astonishment, seeming to say, 'This is

a nice man!' and appeared a little surprised that Mrs Lillyvick's manner yielded no evidences of horror and

'One good turn deserves another,' said Mr Snevellicci. 'I love them and they love me.' And as if this avowal

were not made in sufficient disregard and defiance of all moral obligations, what did Mr Snevellicci do? He

winkedwinked openly and undisguisedly; winked with his right eyeupon Henrietta Lillyvick!

The collector fell back in his chair in the intensity of his astonishment. If anybody had winked at her as

Henrietta Petowker, it would have been indecorous in the last degree; but as Mrs Lillyvick! While he thought

of it in a cold perspiration, and wondered whether it was possible that he could be dreaming, Mr Snevellicci

repeated the wink, and drinking to Mrs Lillyvick in dumb show, actually blew her a kiss! Mr Lillyvick left

his chair, walked straight up to the other end of the table, and fell upon him literally fell upon

himinstantaneously. Mr Lillyvick was no light weight, and consequently when he fell upon Mr Snevellicci,

Mr Snevellicci fell under the table. Mr Lillyvick followed him, and the ladies screamed.

'What is the matter with the men! Are they mad?' cried Nicholas, diving under the table, dragging up the

collector by main force, and thrusting him, all doubled up, into a chair, as if he had been a stuffed figure.

While Nicholas raised up the collector, Smike had performed the same office for Mr Snevellicci, who now

CHAPTER 30. Festivities are held in honour of Nicholas, who suddenly withdraws himself from the Society of Mr Vincent Crummles and his Theatrical Companions 269

'Look here, sir,' replied Mr Lillyvick, pointing to his astonished wife, 'here is purity and elegance combined,

'Lor, what nonsense he talks!' exclaimed Mrs Lillyvick in answer to the inquiring look of Nicholas. 'Nobody

'Said, Henrietta!' cried the collector. 'Didn't I see him' Mr Lillyvick couldn't bring himself to utter the

'Well!' cried Mrs Lillyvick. 'Do you suppose nobody is ever to look at me? A pretty thing to be married

'Mind it!' repeated Mrs Lillyvick contemptuously. 'You ought to go down on your knees and beg everybody's

'Yes, and mine first,' replied Mrs Lillyvick. 'Do you suppose I ain't the best judge of what's proper and what's

'To be sure,' cried all the ladies. 'Do you suppose WE shouldn't be the first to speak, if there was anything that

'Do you suppose THEY don't know, sir?' said Miss Snevellicci's papa, pulling up his collar, and muttering

something about a punching of heads, and being only withheld by considerations of age. With which Miss

Snevellicci's papa looked steadily and sternly at Mr Lillyvick for some seconds, and then rising deliberately

The unhappy collector looked piteously at his wife, as if to see whether there was any one trait of Miss

Petowker left in Mrs Lillyvick, and finding too surely that there was not, begged pardon of all the company

with great humility, and sat down such a crest fallen, dispirited, disenchanted man, that despite all his

Miss Snevellicci's papa being greatly exalted by this triumph, and incontestable proof of his popularity with

the fair sex, quickly grew convivial, not to say uproarious; volunteering more than one song of no

inconsiderable length, and regaling the social circle betweenwhiles with recollections of divers splendid

women who had been supposed to entertain a passion for himself, several of whom he toasted by name,

taking occasion to remark at the same time that if he had been a little more alive to his own interest, he might

have been rolling at that moment in his chariotandfour. These reminiscences appeared to awaken no very

torturing pangs in the breast of Mrs Snevellicci, who was sufficiently occupied in descanting to Nicholas

upon the manifold accomplishments and merits of her daughter. Nor was the young lady herself at all

behindhand in displaying her choicest allurements; but these, heightened as they were by the artifices of

Miss Ledrook, had no effect whatever in increasing the attentions of Nicholas, who, with the precedent of

Miss Squeers still fresh in his memory, steadily resisted every fascination, and placed so strict a guard upon

his behaviour that when he had taken his leave the ladies were unanimous in pronouncing him quite a

Next day the posters appeared in due course, and the public were informed, in all the colours of the rainbow,

and in letters afflicted with every possible variation of spinal deformity, how that Mr Johnson would have the

CHAPTER 30. Festivities are held in honour of Nicholas, who suddenly withdraws himself from the Society of Mr Vincent Crummles and his Theatrical Companions 270

honour of making his last appearance that evening, and how that an early application for places was

requested, in consequence of the extraordinary overflow attendant on his performances,it being a

remarkable fact in theatrical history, but one long since established beyond dispute, that it is a hopeless

endeavour to attract people to a theatre unless they can be first brought to believe that they will never get into

Nicholas was somewhat at a loss, on entering the theatre at night, to account for the unusual perturbation and

excitement visible in the countenances of all the company, but he was not long in doubt as to the cause, for

before he could make any inquiry respecting it Mr Crummles approached, and in an agitated tone of voice,

'It's the phenomenon, depend upon it, sir,' said Crummles, dragging Nicholas to the little hole in the curtain

that he might look through at the London manager. 'I have not the smallest doubt it's the fame of the

phenomenonthat's the man; him in the greatcoat and no shirtcollar. She shall have ten pound a week,

Johnson; she shall not appear on the London boards for a farthing less. They shan't engage her either, unless

they engage Mrs Crummles too twenty pound a week for the pair; or I'll tell you what, I'll throw in myself

and the two boys, and they shall have the family for thirty. I can't say fairer than that. They must take us all, if

none of us will go without the others. That's the way some of the London people do, and it always answers.

Nicholas replied, that it certainly was; and Mr Vincent Crummles taking several huge pinches of snuff to

compose his feelings, hurried away to tell Mrs Crummles that he had quite settled the only terms that could

When everybody was dressed and the curtain went up, the excitement occasioned by the presence of the

London manager increased a thousandfold. Everybody happened to know that the London manager had

come down specially to witness his or her own performance, and all were in a flutter of anxiety and

expectation. Some of those who were not on in the first scene, hurried to the wings, and there stretched their

necks to have a peep at him; others stole up into the two little private boxes over the stagedoors, and from

that position reconnoitred the London manager. Once the London manager was seen to smilehe smiled at

the comic countryman's pretending to catch a bluebottle, while Mrs Crummles was making her greatest

effect. 'Very good, my fine fellow,' said Mr Crummles, shaking his fist at the comic countryman when he

In the same way, everybody who was on the stage beheld no audience but one individual; everybody played

to the London manager. When Mr Lenville in a sudden burst of passion called the emperor a miscreant, and

then biting his glove, said, 'But I must dissemble,' instead of looking gloomily at the boards and so waiting

for his cue, as is proper in such cases, he kept his eye fixed upon the London manager. When Miss Bravassa

sang her song at her lover, who according to custom stood ready to shake hands with her between the verses,

they looked, not at each other, but at the London manager. Mr Crummles died point blank at him; and when

the two guards came in to take the body off after a very hard death, it was seen to open its eyes and glance at

the London manager. At length the London manager was discovered to be asleep, and shortly after that he

woke up and went away, whereupon all the company fell foul of the unhappy comic countryman, declaring

that his buffoonery was the sole cause; and Mr Crummles said, that he had put up with it a long time, but that

he really couldn't stand it any longer, and therefore would feel obliged by his looking out for another

All this was the occasion of much amusement to Nicholas, whose only feeling upon the subject was one of

sincere satisfaction that the great man went away before he appeared. He went through his part in the two last

pieces as briskly as he could, and having been received with unbounded favour and unprecedented

applauseso said the bills for next day, which had been printed an hour or two beforehe took Smike's arm

CHAPTER 30. Festivities are held in honour of Nicholas, who suddenly withdraws himself from the Society of Mr Vincent Crummles and his Theatrical Companions 271

With the post next morning came a letter from Newman Noggs, very inky, very short, very dirty, very small,

and very mysterious, urging Nicholas to return to London instantly; not to lose an instant; to be there that

'I will,' said Nicholas. 'Heaven knows I have remained here for the best, and sorely against my own will; but

even now I may have dallied too long. What can have happened? Smike, my good fellow, heretake my

purse. Put our things together, and pay what little debts we owequick, and we shall be in time for the

morning coach. I will only tell them that we are going, and will return to you immediately.'

So saying, he took his hat, and hurrying away to the lodgings of Mr Crummles, applied his hand to the

knocker with such hearty good will, that he awakened that gentleman, who was still in bed, and caused Mr

Bulph the pilot to take his morning's pipe very nearly out of his mouth in the extremity of his surprise.

The door being opened, Nicholas ran upstairs without any ceremony, and bursting into the darkened

sittingroom on the onepair front, found that the two Master Crummleses had sprung out of the sofa

bedstead and were putting on their clothes with great rapidity, under the impression that it was the middle of

Before he could undeceive them, Mr Crummles came down in a flannel gown and nightcap; and to him

Nicholas briefly explained that circumstances had occurred which rendered it necessary for him to repair to

He was halfway downstairs before Mr Crummles had sufficiently recovered his surprise to gasp out

'I can't help it,' replied Nicholas. 'Set whatever I may have earned this week against them, or if that will not

'We'll cry quits about that,' returned Crummles. 'But can't we have one last night more?'

'Won't you stop to say something to Mrs Crummles?' asked the manager, following him down to the door.

'I couldn't stop if it were to prolong my life a score of years,' rejoined Nicholas. 'Here, take my hand, and with

Accompanying these words with an impatient stamp upon the ground, he tore himself from the manager's

detaining grasp, and darting rapidly down the street was out of sight in an instant.

'Dear me, dear me,' said Mr Crummles, looking wistfully towards the point at which he had just disappeared;

'if he only acted like that, what a deal of money he'd draw! He should have kept upon this circuit; he'd have

been very useful to me. But he don't know what's good for him. He is an impetuous youth. Young men are

Mr Crummles being in a moralising mood, might possibly have moralised for some minutes longer if he had

not mechanically put his hand towards his waistcoat pocket, where he was accustomed to keep his snuff. The

CHAPTER 30. Festivities are held in honour of Nicholas, who suddenly withdraws himself from the Society of Mr Vincent Crummles and his Theatrical Companions 272

absence of any pocket at all in the usual direction, suddenly recalled to his recollection the fact that he had no

waistcoat on; and this leading him to a contemplation of the extreme scantiness of his attire, he shut the door

Smike had made good speed while Nicholas was absent, and with his help everything was soon ready for

their departure. They scarcely stopped to take a morsel of breakfast, and in less than half an hour arrived at

the coachoffice: quite out of breath with the haste they had made to reach it in time. There were yet a few

minutes to spare, so, having secured the places, Nicholas hurried into a slopseller's hard by, and bought

Smike a greatcoat. It would have been rather large for a substantial yeoman, but the shopman averring (and

with considerable truth) that it was a most uncommon fit, Nicholas would have purchased it in his impatience

As they hurried up to the coach, which was now in the open street and all ready for starting, Nicholas was not

a little astonished to find himself suddenly clutched in a close and violent embrace, which nearly took him off

his legs; nor was his amazement at all lessened by hearing the voice of Mr Crummles exclaim, 'It is hemy

'Bless my heart,' cried Nicholas, struggling in the manager's arms, 'what are you about?'

The manager made no reply, but strained him to his breast again, exclaiming as he did so, 'Farewell, my

In fact, Mr Crummles, who could never lose any opportunity for professional display, had turned out for the

express purpose of taking a public farewell of Nicholas; and to render it the more imposing, he was now, to

that young gentleman's most profound annoyance, inflicting upon him a rapid succession of stage embraces,

which, as everybody knows, are performed by the embracer's laying his or her chin on the shoulder of the

object of affection, and looking over it. This Mr Crummles did in the highest style of melodrama, pouring

forth at the same time all the most dismal forms of farewell he could think of, out of the stock pieces. Nor

was this all, for the elder Master Crummles was going through a similar ceremony with Smike; while Master

Percy Crummles, with a very little secondhand camlet cloak, worn theatrically over his left shoulder, stood

by, in the attitude of an attendant officer, waiting to convey the two victims to the scaffold.

The lookerson laughed very heartily, and as it was as well to put a good face upon the matter, Nicholas

laughed too when he had succeeded in disengaging himself; and rescuing the astonished Smike, climbed up

to the coach roof after him, and kissed his hand in honour of the absent Mrs Crummles as they rolled away.

In blissful unconsciousness that his nephew was hastening at the utmost speed of four good horses towards

his sphere of action, and that every passing minute diminished the distance between them, Ralph Nickleby sat

that morning occupied in his customary avocations, and yet unable to prevent his thoughts wandering from

time to time back to the interview which had taken place between himself and his niece on the previous day.

At such intervals, after a few moments of abstraction, Ralph would mutter some peevish interjection, and

apply himself with renewed steadiness of purpose to the ledger before him, but again and again the same train

of thought came back despite all his efforts to prevent it, confusing him in his calculations, and utterly

distracting his attention from the figures over which he bent. At length Ralph laid down his pen, and threw

himself back in his chair as though he had made up his mind to allow the obtrusive current of reflection to

take its own course, and, by giving it full scope, to rid himself of it effectually.

CHAPTER 31. Of Ralph Nickleby and Newman Noggs, and some wise Precautions, the success or failure of which will appear in the Sequel 273

'I am not a man to be moved by a pretty face,' muttered Ralph sternly. 'There is a grinning skull beneath it,

and men like me who look and work below the surface see that, and not its delicate covering. And yet I

almost like the girl, or should if she had been less proudly and squeamishly brought up. If the boy were

drowned or hanged, and the mother dead, this house should be her home. I wish they were, with all my soul.'

Notwithstanding the deadly hatred which Ralph felt towards Nicholas, and the bitter contempt with which he

sneered at poor Mrs Nickleby notwithstanding the baseness with which he had behaved, and was then

behaving, and would behave again if his interest prompted him, towards Kate herselfstill there was,

strange though it may seem, something humanising and even gentle in his thoughts at that moment. He

thought of what his home might be if Kate were there; he placed her in the empty chair, looked upon her,

heard her speak; he felt again upon his arm the gentle pressure of the trembling hand; he strewed his costly

rooms with the hundred silent tokens of feminine presence and occupation; he came back again to the cold

fireside and the silent dreary splendour; and in that one glimpse of a better nature, born as it was in selfish

thoughts, the rich man felt himself friendless, childless, and alone. Gold, for the instant, lost its lustre in his

eyes, for there were countless treasures of the heart which it could never purchase.

A very slight circumstance was sufficient to banish such reflections from the mind of such a man. As Ralph

looked vacantly out across the yard towards the window of the other office, he became suddenly aware of the

earnest observation of Newman Noggs, who, with his red nose almost touching the glass, feigned to be

mending a pen with a rusty fragment of a knife, but was in reality staring at his employer with a countenance

Ralph exchanged his dreamy posture for his accustomed business attitude: the face of Newman disappeared,

After a few minutes, Ralph rang his bell. Newman answered the summons, and Ralph raised his eyes

stealthily to his face, as if he almost feared to read there, a knowledge of his recent thoughts.

There was not the smallest speculation, however, in the countenance of Newman Noggs. If it be possible to

imagine a man, with two eyes in his head, and both wide open, looking in no direction whatever, and seeing

'Oh!' said Newman, throwing some intelligence into his eyes all at once, and dropping them on his master, 'I

thought you rang.' With which laconic remark Newman turned round and hobbled away.

CHAPTER 31. Of Ralph Nickleby and Newman Noggs, and some wise Precautions, the success or failure of which will appear in the Sequel 274

'Stare!' cried Newman, 'at YOU! Ha, ha!' which was all the explanation Newman deigned to offer.

'Be careful, sir,' said Ralph, looking steadily at him. 'Let me have no drunken fooling here. Do you see this

'Carry it into the city; to Cross, in Broad Street, and leave it therequick. Do you hear?'

Newman gave a dogged kind of nod to express an affirmative reply, and, leaving the room for a few seconds,

returned with his hat. Having made various ineffective attempts to fit the parcel (which was some two feet

square) into the crown thereof, Newman took it under his arm, and after putting on his fingerless gloves with

great precision and nicety, keeping his eyes fixed upon Mr Ralph Nickleby all the time, he adjusted his hat

upon his head with as much care, real or pretended, as if it were a brannew one of the most expensive

He executed his commission with great promptitude and dispatch, only calling at one publichouse for half a

minute, and even that might be said to be in his way, for he went in at one door and came out at the other; but

as he returned and had got so far homewards as the Strand, Newman began to loiter with the uncertain air of a

man who has not quite made up his mind whether to halt or go straight forwards. After a very short

consideration, the former inclination prevailed, and making towards the point he had had in his mind,

Newman knocked a modest double knock, or rather a nervous single one, at Miss La Creevy's door.

It was opened by a strange servant, on whom the odd figure of the visitor did not appear to make the most

favourable impression possible, inasmuch as she no sooner saw him than she very nearly closed it, and

placing herself in the narrow gap, inquired what he wanted. But Newman merely uttering the monosyllable

'Noggs,' as if it were some cabalistic word, at sound of which bolts would fly back and doors open, pushed

briskly past and gained the door of Miss La Creevy's sittingroom, before the astonished servant could offer

'Walk in if you please,' said Miss La Creevy in reply to the sound of Newman's knuckles; and in he walked

'Bless us!' cried Miss La Creevy, starting as Newman bolted in; 'what did you want, sir?'

'You have forgotten me,' said Newman, with an inclination of the head. 'I wonder at that. That nobody should

remember me who knew me in other days, is natural enough; but there are few people who, seeing me once,

forget me NOW.' He glanced, as he spoke, at his shabby clothes and paralytic limb, and slightly shook his

'I did forget you, I declare,' said Miss La Creevy, rising to receive Newman, who met her halfway, 'and I am

ashamed of myself for doing so; for you are a kind, good creature, Mr Noggs. Sit down and tell me all about

'Why, the truth is, Mr Noggs,' said Miss La Creevy, 'that I have been out on a visitthe first visit I have

CHAPTER 31. Of Ralph Nickleby and Newman Noggs, and some wise Precautions, the success or failure of which will appear in the Sequel 275

'So it is a very long time to look back upon in years, though, somehow or other, thank Heaven, the solitary

days roll away peacefully and happily enough,' replied the miniature painter. 'I have a brother, Mr

Noggsthe only relation I haveand all that time I never saw him once. Not that we ever quarrelled, but he

was apprenticed down in the country, and he got married there; and new ties and affections springing up

about him, he forgot a poor little woman like me, as it was very reasonable he should, you know. Don't

suppose that I complain about that, because I always said to myself, "It is very natural; poor dear John is

making his way in the world, and has a wife to tell his cares and troubles to, and children now to play about

him, so God bless him and them, and send we may all meet together one day where we shall part no more."

But what do you think, Mr Noggs,' said the miniature painter, brightening up and clapping her hands, 'of that

very same brother coming up to London at last, and never resting till he found me out; what do you think of

his coming here and sitting down in that very chair, and crying like a child because he was so glad to see

mewhat do you think of his insisting on taking me down all the way into the country to his own house

(quite a sumptuous place, Mr Noggs, with a large garden and I don't know how many fields, and a man in

livery waiting at table, and cows and horses and pigs and I don't know what besides), and making me stay a

whole month, and pressing me to stop there all my lifeyes, all my lifeand so did his wife, and so did the

childrenand there were four of them, and one, the eldest girl of all, theythey had named her after me

eight good years before, they had indeed. I never was so happy; in all my life I never was!' The worthy soul

hid her face in her handkerchief, and sobbed aloud; for it was the first opportunity she had had of

'But bless my life,' said Miss La Creevy, wiping her eyes after a short pause, and cramming her handkerchief

into her pocket with great bustle and dispatch; 'what a foolish creature I must seem to you, Mr Noggs! I

shouldn't have said anything about it, only I wanted to explain to you how it was I hadn't seen Miss

'You mean Mrs Nickleby?' said Miss La Creevy. 'Then I tell you what, Mr Noggs, if you want to keep in the

good books in that quarter, you had better not call her the old lady any more, for I suspect she wouldn't be

best pleased to hear you. Yes, I went there the night before last, but she was quite on the high ropes about

something, and was so grand and mysterious, that I couldn't make anything of her: so, to tell you the truth, I

took it into my head to be grand too, and came away in state. I thought she would have come round again

'Why, she was here twice while I was away,' returned Miss La Creevy. 'I was afraid she mightn't like to have

me calling on her among those great folks in what'sitsname Place, so I thought I'd wait a day or two, and if

'However, I want to hear all the news about them from you,' said Miss La Creevy. 'How is the old rough and

tough monster of Golden Square? Well, of course; such people always are. I don't mean how is he in health,

'Damn him!' cried Newman, dashing his cherished hat on the floor; 'like a false hound.'

'Gracious, Mr Noggs, you quite terrify me!' exclaimed Miss La Creevy, turning pale.

'I should have spoilt his features yesterday afternoon if I could have afforded it,' said Newman, moving

CHAPTER 31. Of Ralph Nickleby and Newman Noggs, and some wise Precautions, the success or failure of which will appear in the Sequel 276

restlessly about, and shaking his fist at a portrait of Mr Canning over the mantelpiece. 'I was very near it. I

was obliged to put my hands in my pockets, and keep 'em there very tight. I shall do it some day in that little

back parlour, I know I shall. I should have done it before now, if I hadn't been afraid of making bad worse. I

shall doublelock myself in with him and have it out before I die, I'm quite certain of it.'

'I shall scream if you don't compose yourself, Mr Noggs,' said Miss La Creevy; 'I'm sure I shan't be able to

'Never mind,' rejoined Newman, darting violently to and fro. 'He's coming up tonight: I wrote to tell him. He

little thinks I know; he little thinks I care. Cunning scoundrel! he don't think that. Not he, not he. Never mind,

Lashing himself up to an extravagant pitch of fury, Newman Noggs jerked himself about the room with the

most eccentric motion ever beheld in a human being: now sparring at the little miniatures on the wall, and

now giving himself violent thumps on the head, as if to heighten the delusion, until he sank down in his

'There,' said Newman, picking up his hat; 'that's done me good. Now I'm better, and I'll tell you all about it.'

It took some little time to reassure Miss La Creevy, who had been almost frightened out of her senses by this

remarkable demonstration; but that done, Newman faithfully related all that had passed in the interview

between Kate and her uncle, prefacing his narrative with a statement of his previous suspicions on the

subject, and his reasons for forming them; and concluding with a communication of the step he had taken in

Though little Miss La Creevy's indignation was not so singularly displayed as Newman's, it was scarcely

inferior in violence and intensity. Indeed, if Ralph Nickleby had happened to make his appearance in the

room at that moment, there is some doubt whether he would not have found Miss La Creevy a more

'God forgive me for saying so,' said Miss La Creevy, as a windup to all her expressions of anger, 'but I

It was not a very awful weapon that Miss La Creevy held, it being in fact nothing more nor less than a

blacklead pencil; but discovering her mistake, the little portrait painter exchanged it for a mother ofpearl

fruit knife, wherewith, in proof of her desperate thoughts, she made a lunge as she spoke, which would have

'If we had known of this,' rejoined Newman. 'But we didn't. Nobody could properly interfere but her

mother or brother. The mother's weakpoor thingweak. The dear young man will be here tonight.'

'Heart alive!' cried Miss La Creevy. 'He will do something desperate, Mr Noggs, if you tell him all at once.'

'Depend upon it,' said Miss La Creevy, earnestly, 'if you are not very careful in breaking out the truth to him,

he will do some violence upon his uncle or one of these men that will bring some terrible calamity upon his

CHAPTER 31. Of Ralph Nickleby and Newman Noggs, and some wise Precautions, the success or failure of which will appear in the Sequel 277

'I never thought of that,' rejoined Newman, his countenance falling more and more. 'I came to ask you to

'But this is a matter of much greater importance,' interrupted Miss La Creevy; 'that you might have been sure

of before you came, but the end of this, nobody can foresee, unless you are very guarded and careful.'

'What CAN I do?' cried Newman, scratching his head with an air of great vexation and perplexity. 'If he was

to talk of pistoling 'em all, I should be obliged to say, "Certainlyserve 'em right."'

Miss La Creevy could not suppress a small shriek on hearing this, and instantly set about extorting a solemn

pledge from Newman that he would use his utmost endeavours to pacify the wrath of Nicholas; which, after

some demur, was conceded. They then consulted together on the safest and surest mode of communicating to

'He must have time to cool before he can possibly do anything,' said Miss La Creevy. 'That is of the greatest

'But he'll be in town between six and seven this evening,' replied Newman. 'I can't keep it from him when he

'Then you must go out, Mr Noggs,' said Miss La Creevy. 'You can easily have been kept away by business,

'So I suppose,' observed Miss La Creevy; 'but he won't find me at home, for I'll go straight to the city the

instant you leave me, make up matters with Mrs Nickleby, and take her away to the theatre, so that he may

Upon further discussion, this appeared the safest and most feasible mode of proceeding that could possibly be

adopted. Therefore it was finally determined that matters should be so arranged, and Newman, after listening

to many supplementary cautions and entreaties, took his leave of Miss La Creevy and trudged back to Golden

Square; ruminating as he went upon a vast number of possibilities and impossibilities which crowded upon

'London at last!' cried Nicholas, throwing back his greatcoat and rousing Smike from a long nap. 'It seemed to

'And yet you came along at a tidy pace too,' observed the coachman, looking over his shoulder at Nicholas

'Ay, I know that,' was the reply; 'but I have been very anxious to be at my journey's end, and that makes the

'Well,' remarked the coachman, 'if the way seemed long with such cattle as you've sat behind, you MUST

CHAPTER 32. Relating chiefly to some remarkable Conversation, and some remarkable Proceedings to which it gives rise 278

have been most uncommon anxious;' and so saying, he let out his whiplash and touched up a little boy on

They rattled on through the noisy, bustling, crowded street of London, now displaying long double rows of

brightlyburning lamps, dotted here and there with the chemists' glaring lights, and illuminated besides with

the brilliant flood that streamed from the windows of the shops, where sparkling jewellery, silks and velvets

of the richest colours, the most inviting delicacies, and most sumptuous articles of luxurious ornament,

succeeded each other in rich and glittering profusion. Streams of people apparently without end poured on

and on, jostling each other in the crowd and hurrying forward, scarcely seeming to notice the riches that

surrounded them on every side; while vehicles of all shapes and makes, mingled up together in one moving

mass, like running water, lent their ceaseless roar to swell the noise and tumult.

As they dashed by the quicklychanging and evervarying objects, it was curious to observe in what a

strange procession they passed before the eye. Emporiums of splendid dresses, the materials brought from

every quarter of the world; tempting stores of everything to stimulate and pamper the sated appetite and give

new relish to the oftrepeated feast; vessels of burnished gold and silver, wrought into every exquisite form

of vase, and dish, and goblet; guns, swords, pistols, and patent engines of destruction; screws and irons for

the crooked, clothes for the newlyborn, drugs for the sick, coffins for the dead, and churchyards for the

buried all these jumbled each with the other and flocking side by side, seemed to flit by in motley dance

like the fantastic groups of the old Dutch painter, and with the same stern moral for the unheeding restless

Nor were there wanting objects in the crowd itself to give new point and purpose to the shifting scene. The

rags of the squalid ballad singer fluttered in the rich light that showed the goldsmith's treasures, pale and

pinchedup faces hovered about the windows where was tempting food, hungry eyes wandered over the

profusion guarded by one thin sheet of brittle glassan iron wall to them; halfnaked shivering figures

stopped to gaze at Chinese shawls and golden stuffs of India. There was a christening party at the largest

coffinmaker's and a funeral hatchment had stopped some great improvements in the bravest mansion. Life

and death went hand in hand; wealth and poverty stood side by side; repletion and starvation laid them down

But it was London; and the old country lady inside, who had put her head out of the coachwindow a mile or

two this side Kingston, and cried out to the driver that she was sure he must have passed it and forgotten to

Nicholas engaged beds for himself and Smike at the inn where the coach stopped, and repaired, without the

delay of another moment, to the lodgings of Newman Noggs; for his anxiety and impatience had increased

There was a fire in Newman's garret; and a candle had been left burning; the floor was cleanly swept, the

room was as comfortably arranged as such a room could be, and meat and drink were placed in order upon

the table. Everything bespoke the affectionate care and attention of Newman Noggs, but Newman himself

'Do you know what time he will be home?' inquired Nicholas, tapping at the door of Newman's front

'Ah, Mr Johnson!' said Crowl, presenting himself. 'Welcome, sir. How well you're looking! I never could

CHAPTER 32. Relating chiefly to some remarkable Conversation, and some remarkable Proceedings to which it gives rise 279

'Why, he has a troublesome affair of business,' replied Crowl, 'and will not be home before twelve o'clock. He

was very unwilling to go, I can tell you, but there was no help for it. However, he left word that you were to

make yourself comfortable till he came back, and that I was to entertain you, which I shall be very glad to do.'

In proof of his extreme readiness to exert himself for the general entertainment, Mr Crowl drew a chair to the

table as he spoke, and helping himself plentifully to the cold meat, invited Nicholas and Smike to follow his

Disappointed and uneasy, Nicholas could touch no food, so, after he had seen Smike comfortably established

at the table, he walked out (despite a great many dissuasions uttered by Mr Crowl with his mouth full), and

As Miss La Creevy had anticipated, Nicholas betook himself straight to her house. Finding her from home, he

debated within himself for some time whether he should go to his mother's residence, and so compromise her

with Ralph Nickleby. Fully persuaded, however, that Newman would not have solicited him to return unless

there was some strong reason which required his presence at home, he resolved to go there, and hastened

Mrs Nickleby would not be at home, the girl said, until past twelve, or later. She believed Miss Nickleby was

well, but she didn't live at home now, nor did she come home except very seldom. She couldn't say where she

With his heart beating violently, and apprehending he knew not what disaster, Nicholas returned to where he

had left Smike. Newman had not been home. He wouldn't be, till twelve o'clock; there was no chance of it.

Was there no possibility of sending to fetch him if it were only for an instant, or forwarding to him one line

of writing to which he might return a verbal reply? That was quite impracticable. He was not at Golden

Nicholas tried to remain quietly where he was, but he felt so nervous and excited that he could not sit still. He

seemed to be losing time unless he was moving. It was an absurd fancy, he knew, but he was wholly unable

He strolled westward this time, pacing the long streets with hurried footsteps, and agitated by a thousand

misgivings and apprehensions which he could not overcome. He passed into Hyde Park, now silent and

deserted, and increased his rate of walking as if in the hope of leaving his thoughts behind. They crowded

upon him more thickly, however, now there were no passing objects to attract his attention; and the one idea

was always uppermost, that some stroke of ill fortune must have occurred so calamitous in its nature that all

were fearful of disclosing it to him. The old question arose again and againWhat could it be? Nicholas

walked till he was weary, but was not one bit the wiser; and indeed he came out of the Park at last a great deal

He had taken scarcely anything to eat or drink since early in the morning, and felt quite worn out and

exhausted. As he returned languidly towards the point from which he had started, along one of the

thoroughfares which lie between Park Lane and Bond Street, he passed a handsome hotel, before which he

'An expensive place, I dare say,' thought Nicholas; 'but a pint of wine and a biscuit are no great debauch

He walked on a few steps, but looking wistfully down the long vista of gaslamps before him, and thinking

how long it would take to reach the end of it and being besides in that kind of mood in which a man is most

CHAPTER 32. Relating chiefly to some remarkable Conversation, and some remarkable Proceedings to which it gives rise 280

disposed to yield to his first impulseand being, besides, strongly attracted to the hotel, in part by curiosity,

and in part by some odd mixture of feelings which he would have been troubled to defineNicholas turned

It was very handsomely furnished. The walls were ornamented with the choicest specimens of French paper,

enriched with a gilded cornice of elegant design. The floor was covered with a rich carpet; and two superb

mirrors, one above the chimneypiece and one at the opposite end of the room reaching from floor to ceiling,

multiplied the other beauties and added new ones of their own to enhance the general effect. There was a

rather noisy party of four gentlemen in a box by the fireplace, and only two other persons presentboth

Observing all this in the first comprehensive glance with which a stranger surveys a place that is new to him,

Nicholas sat himself down in the box next to the noisy party, with his back towards them, and postponing his

order for a pint of claret until such time as the waiter and one of the elderly gentlemen should have settled a

disputed question relative to the price of an item in the bill of fare, took up a newspaper and began to read.

He had not read twenty lines, and was in truth himself dozing, when he was startled by the mention of his

sister's name. 'Little Kate Nickleby' were the words that caught his ear. He raised his head in amazement, and

as he did so, saw by the reflection in the opposite glass, that two of the party behind him had risen and were

standing before the fire. 'It must have come from one of them,' thought Nicholas. He waited to hear more with

a countenance of some indignation, for the tone of speech had been anything but respectful, and the

appearance of the individual whom he presumed to have been the speaker was coarse and swaggering.

This personso Nicholas observed in the same glance at the mirror which had enabled him to see his

facewas standing with his back to the fire conversing with a younger man, who stood with his back to the

company, wore his hat, and was adjusting his shirtcollar by the aid of the glass. They spoke in whispers,

now and then bursting into a loud laugh, but Nicholas could catch no repetition of the words, nor anything

At length the two resumed their seats, and more wine being ordered, the party grew louder in their mirth. Still

there was no reference made to anybody with whom he was acquainted, and Nicholas became persuaded that

his excited fancy had either imagined the sounds altogether, or converted some other words into the name

'It is remarkable too,' thought Nicholas: 'if it had been "Kate" or "Kate Nickleby," I should not have been so

The wine coming at the moment prevented his finishing the sentence. He swallowed a glassful and took up

'I was right,' muttered Nicholas as the paper fell from his hand. 'And it was the man I supposed.'

'As there was a proper objection to drinking her in heeltaps,' said the voice, 'we'll give her the first glass in

'Little Kate Nickleby,' cried the other three. And the glasses were set down empty.

Keenly alive to the tone and manner of this slight and careless mention of his sister's name in a public place,

Nicholas fired at once; but he kept himself quiet by a great effort, and did not even turn his head.

CHAPTER 32. Relating chiefly to some remarkable Conversation, and some remarkable Proceedings to which it gives rise 281

'The jade!' said the same voice which had spoken before. 'She's a true Nicklebya worthy imitator of her old

uncle Ralphshe hangs back to be more sought afterso does he; nothing to be got out of Ralph unless you

follow him up, and then the money comes doubly welcome, and the bargain doubly hard, for you're impatient

Nicholas was in a perfect agony as the two elderly gentlemen opposite, rose one after the other and went

away, lest they should be the means of his losing one word of what was said. But the conversation was

suspended as they withdrew, and resumed with even greater freedom when they had left the room.

'I am afraid,' said the younger gentleman, 'that the old woman has grown jeaalous, and locked her up.

'If they quarrel and little Nickleby goes home to her mother, so much the better,' said the first. 'I can do

The laugh was taken up by the two voices which always came in together, and became general at Mrs

Nickleby's expense. Nicholas turned burning hot with rage, but he commanded himself for the moment, and

What he heard need not be repeated here. Suffice it that as the wine went round he heard enough to acquaint

him with the characters and designs of those whose conversation he overhead; to possess him with the full

extent of Ralph's villainy, and the real reason of his own presence being required in London. He heard all this

and more. He heard his sister's sufferings derided, and her virtuous conduct jeered at and brutally

misconstrued; he heard her name bandied from mouth to mouth, and herself made the subject of coarse and

The man who had spoken first, led the conversation, and indeed almost engrossed it, being only stimulated

from time to time by some slight observation from one or other of his companions. To him then Nicholas

addressed himself when he was sufficiently composed to stand before the party, and force the words from his

'I said with you,' replied Nicholas, speaking with great difficulty, for his passion choked him.

'A mysterious stranger, upon my soul!' exclaimed Sir Mulberry, raising his wineglass to his lips, and

'Will you step apart with me for a few minutes, or do you refuse?' said Nicholas sternly.

Sir Mulberry merely paused in the act of drinking, and bade him either name his business or leave the table.

CHAPTER 32. Relating chiefly to some remarkable Conversation, and some remarkable Proceedings to which it gives rise 282

A momentary expression of astonishment, not unmixed with some confusion, appeared in the face of Sir

Mulberry as he read the name; but he subdued it in an instant, and tossing the card to Lord Verisopht, who sat

opposite, drew a toothpick from a glass before him, and very leisurely applied it to his mouth.

'If there is a gentleman in this party,' said Nicholas, looking round and scarcely able to make his white lips

'I am the brother of the young lady who has been the subject of conversation here,' said Nicholas. 'I denounce

this person as a liar, and impeach him as a coward. If he has a friend here, he will save him the disgrace of the

paltry attempt to conceal his nameand utterly useless onefor I will find it out, nor leave him until I

'Let the fellow talk, I have nothing serious to say to boys of his station; and his pretty sister shall save him a

'You are a base and spiritless scoundrel!' said Nicholas, 'and shall be proclaimed so to the world. I WILL

Sir Mulberry's hand involuntarily closed upon the decanter, and he seemed for an instant about to launch it at

the head of his challenger. But he only filled his glass, and laughed in derision.

Nicholas sat himself down, directly opposite to the party, and, summoning the waiter, paid his bill.

'Do you know that person's name?' he inquired of the man in an audible voice; pointing out Sir Mulberry as

Sir Mulberry laughed again, and the two voices which had always spoken together, echoed the laugh; but

'That gentleman, sir?' replied the waiter, who, no doubt, knew his cue, and answered with just as little respect,

and just as much impertinence as he could safely show: 'no, sir, I do not, sir.'

'Here, you sir,' cried Sir Mulberry, as the man was retiring; 'do you know THAT person's name?'

'Then you'll find it there,' said Sir Mulberry, throwing Nicholas's card towards him; 'and when you have made

The man grinned, and, looking doubtfully at Nicholas, compromised the matter by sticking the card in the

Nicholas folded his arms, and biting his lip, sat perfectly quiet; sufficiently expressing by his manner,

CHAPTER 32. Relating chiefly to some remarkable Conversation, and some remarkable Proceedings to which it gives rise 283

however, a firm determination to carry his threat of following Sir Mulberry home, into steady execution.

It was evident from the tone in which the younger member of the party appeared to remonstrate with his

friend, that he objected to this course of proceeding, and urged him to comply with the request which

Nicholas had made. Sir Mulberry, however, who was not quite sober, and who was in a sullen and dogged

state of obstinacy, soon silenced the representations of his weak young friend, and further seemedas if to

save himself from a repetition of themto insist on being left alone. However this might have been, the

young gentleman and the two who had always spoken together, actually rose to go after a short interval, and

It will be very readily supposed that to one in the condition of Nicholas, the minutes appeared to move with

leaden wings indeed, and that their progress did not seem the more rapid from the monotonous ticking of a

French clock, or the shrill sound of its little bell which told the quarters. But there he sat; and in his old seat

on the opposite side of the room reclined Sir Mulberry Hawk, with his legs upon the cushion, and his

handkerchief thrown negligently over his knees: finishing his magnum of claret with the utmost coolness and

Thus they remained in perfect silence for upwards of an hour Nicholas would have thought for three hours

at least, but that the little bell had only gone four times. Twice or thrice he looked angrily and impatiently

round; but there was Sir Mulberry in the same attitude, putting his glass to his lips from time to time, and

looking vacantly at the wall, as if he were wholly ignorant of the presence of any living person.

At length he yawned, stretched himself, and rose; walked coolly to the glass, and having surveyed himself

therein, turned round and honoured Nicholas with a long and contemptuous stare. Nicholas stared again with

right goodwill; Sir Mulberry shrugged his shoulders, smiled slightly, rang the bell, and ordered the waiter to

Sir Mulberry took several turns up and down the room, whistling carelessly all the time; stopped to finish the

last glass of claret which he had poured out a few minutes before, walked again, put on his hat, adjusted it by

the glass, drew on his gloves, and, at last, walked slowly out. Nicholas, who had been fuming and chafing

until he was nearly wild, darted from his seat, and followed him: so closely, that before the door had swung

upon its hinges after Sir Mulberry's passing out, they stood side by side in the street together.

There was a private cabriolet in waiting; the groom opened the apron, and jumped out to the horse's head.

'No,' replied the other fiercely, and confirming the refusal with an oath. 'No.'

'If you trust to your horse's speed, you will find yourself mistaken,' said Nicholas. 'I will accompany you. By

CHAPTER 32. Relating chiefly to some remarkable Conversation, and some remarkable Proceedings to which it gives rise 284

'I am the son of a country gentleman,' returned Nicholas, 'your equal in birth and education, and your superior

I trust in everything besides. I tell you again, Miss Nickleby is my sister. Will you or will you not answer for

'To a proper championyes. To youno,' returned Sir Mulberry, taking the reins in his hand. 'Stand out of

'You had better not,' cried Nicholas, springing on the step as Sir Mulberry jumped in, and catching at the

reins. 'He has no command over the horse, mind. You shall not goyou shall not, I swear till you have

The groom hesitated, for the mare, who was a highspirited animal and thoroughbred, plunged so violently

The man obeyed. The animal reared and plunged as though it would dash the carriage into a thousand pieces,

but Nicholas, blind to all sense of danger, and conscious of nothing but his fury, still maintained his place and

In less time than the quickest tongue could tell it, these words were exchanged, and Sir Mulberry shortening

his whip, applied it furiously to the head and shoulders of Nicholas. It was broken in the struggle; Nicholas

gained the heavy handle, and with it laid open one side of his antagonist's face from the eye to the lip. He saw

the gash; knew that the mare had darted off at a wild mad gallop; a hundred lights danced in his eyes, and he

He was giddy and sick, but staggered to his feet directly, roused by the loud shouts of the men who were

tearing up the street, and screaming to those ahead to clear the way. He was conscious of a torrent of people

rushing quickly bylooking up, could discern the cabriolet whirled along the footpavement with frightful

rapidity then heard a loud cry, the smashing of some heavy body, and the breaking of glassand then the

The general attention had been entirely directed from himself to the person in the carriage, and he was quite

alone. Rightly judging that under such circumstances it would be madness to follow, he turned down a

byestreet in search of the nearest coachstand, finding after a minute or two that he was reeling like a

drunken man, and aware for the first time of a stream of blood that was trickling down his face and breast.

Smike and Newman Noggs, who in his impatience had returned home long before the time agreed upon, sat

before the fire, listening anxiously to every footstep on the stairs, and the slightest sound that stirred within

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the house, for the approach of Nicholas. Time had worn on, and it was growing late. He had promised to be

back in an hour; and his prolonged absence began to excite considerable alarm in the minds of both, as was

abundantly testified by the blank looks they cast upon each other at every new disappointment.

At length a coach was heard to stop, and Newman ran out to light Nicholas up the stairs. Beholding him in

the trim described at the conclusion of the last chapter, he stood aghast in wonder and consternation.

'Don't be alarmed,' said Nicholas, hurrying him back into the room. 'There is no harm done, beyond what a

'No harm!' cried Newman, passing his hands hastily over the back and arms of Nicholas, as if to assure

'I know all,' interrupted Nicholas; 'I have heard a part, and guessed the rest. But before I remove one jot of

these stains, I must hear the whole from you. You see I am collected. My resolution is taken. Now, my good

friend, speak out; for the time for any palliation or concealment is past, and nothing will avail Ralph Nickleby

'Your dress is torn in several places; you walk lame, and I am sure you are suffering pain,' said Newman. 'Let

'I have no hurts to see to, beyond a little soreness and stiffness that will soon pass off,' said Nicholas, seating

himself with some difficulty. 'But if I had fractured every limb, and still preserved my senses, you should not

bandage one till you had told me what I have the right to know. Come,' said Nicholas, giving his hand to

Noggs. 'You had a sister of your own, you told me once, who died before you fell into misfortune. Now think

Newman did so. Nicholas nodded his head from time to time, as it corroborated the particulars he had already

His recital ended, Newman insisted upon his young friend's stripping off his coat and allowing whatever

injuries he had received to be properly tended. Nicholas, after some opposition, at length consented, and,

while some pretty severe bruises on his arms and shoulders were being rubbed with oil and vinegar, and

various other efficacious remedies which Newman borrowed from the different lodgers, related in what

manner they had been received. The recital made a strong impression on the warm imagination of Newman;

for when Nicholas came to the violent part of the quarrel, he rubbed so hard, as to occasion him the most

exquisite pain, which he would not have exhibited, however, for the world, it being perfectly clear that, for

the moment, Newman was operating on Sir Mulberry Hawk, and had quite lost sight of his real patient.

This martyrdom over, Nicholas arranged with Newman that while he was otherwise occupied next morning,

arrangements should be made for his mother's immediately quitting her present residence, and also for

dispatching Miss La Creevy to break the intelligence to her. He then wrapped himself in Smike's greatcoat,

and repaired to the inn where they were to pass the night, and where (after writing a few lines to Ralph, the

delivery of which was to be intrusted to Newman next day), he endeavoured to obtain the repose of which he

Drunken men, they say, may roll down precipices, and be quite unconscious of any serious personal

inconvenience when their reason returns. The remark may possibly apply to injuries received in other kinds

of violent excitement: certain it is, that although Nicholas experienced some pain on first awakening next

CHAPTER 33. In which Mr Ralph Nickleby is relieved, by a very expeditious Process, from all Commerce with his Relations 286

morning, he sprung out of bed as the clock struck seven, with very little difficulty, and was soon as much on

Merely looking into Smike's room, and telling him that Newman Noggs would call for him very shortly,

Nicholas descended into the street, and calling a hackney coach, bade the man drive to Mrs Wititterly's,

It wanted a quarter to eight when they reached Cadogan Place. Nicholas began to fear that no one might be

stirring at that early hour, when he was relieved by the sight of a female servant, employed in cleaning the

doorsteps. By this functionary he was referred to the doubtful page, who appeared with dishevelled hair and

By this young gentleman he was informed that Miss Nickleby was then taking her morning's walk in the

gardens before the house. On the question being propounded whether he could go and find her, the page

desponded and thought not; but being stimulated with a shilling, the page grew sanguine and thought he

'Say to Miss Nickleby that her brother is here, and in great haste to see her,' said Nicholas.

The plated buttons disappeared with an alacrity most unusual to them, and Nicholas paced the room in a state

of feverish agitation which made the delay even of a minute insupportable. He soon heard a light footstep

which he well knew, and before he could advance to meet her, Kate had fallen on his neck and burst into

'I have been so unhappy here, dear brother,' sobbed poor Kate; 'so very, very miserable. Do not leave me

'I will leave you nowhere,' answered Nicholas'never again, Kate,' he cried, moved in spite of himself as he

folded her to his heart. 'Tell me that I acted for the best. Tell me that we parted because I feared to bring

misfortune on your head; that it was a trial to me no less than to yourself, and that if I did wrong it was in

'Why should I tell you what we know so well?' returned Kate soothingly. 'Nicholasdear Nicholashow

'It is such bitter reproach to me to know what you have undergone,' returned her brother; 'to see you so much

altered, and yet so kind and patientGod!' cried Nicholas, clenching his fist and suddenly changing his tone

and manner, 'it sets my whole blood on fire again. You must leave here with me directly; you should not have

slept here last night, but that I knew all this too late. To whom can I speak, before we drive away?'

This question was most opportunely put, for at that instant Mr Wititterly walked in, and to him Kate

introduced her brother, who at once announced his purpose, and the impossibility of deferring it.

'The quarter's notice,' said Mr Wititterly, with the gravity of a man on the right side, 'is not yet half expired.

'Therefore,' interposed Nicholas, 'the quarter's salary must be lost, sir. You will excuse this extreme haste, but

circumstances require that I should immediately remove my sister, and I have not a moment's time to lose.

Whatever she brought here I will send for, if you will allow me, in the course of the day.'

CHAPTER 33. In which Mr Ralph Nickleby is relieved, by a very expeditious Process, from all Commerce with his Relations 287

Mr Wititterly bowed, but offered no opposition to Kate's immediate departure; with which, indeed, he was

rather gratified than otherwise, Sir Tumley Snuffim having given it as his opinion, that she rather disagreed

'With regard to the trifle of salary that is due,' said Mr Wititterly, 'I will'here he was interrupted by a

Mr Wititterly, it should be observed, was accustomed to owe small accounts, and to leave them owing. All

'If you please,' said Nicholas. And once more offering a hurried apology for so sudden a departure, he hurried

To the city they went accordingly, with all the speed the hackney coach could make; and as the horses

happened to live at Whitechapel and to be in the habit of taking their breakfast there, when they breakfasted

at all, they performed the journey with greater expedition than could reasonably have been expected.

Nicholas sent Kate upstairs a few minutes before him, that his unlookedfor appearance might not alarm his

mother, and when the way had been paved, presented himself with much duty and affection. Newman had not

been idle, for there was a little cart at the door, and the effects were hurrying out already.

Now, Mrs Nickleby was not the sort of person to be told anything in a hurry, or rather to comprehend

anything of peculiar delicacy or importance on a short notice. Wherefore, although the good lady had been

subjected to a full hour's preparation by little Miss La Creevy, and was now addressed in most lucid terms

both by Nicholas and his sister, she was in a state of singular bewilderment and confusion, and could by no

'Why don't you ask your uncle, my dear Nicholas, what he can possibly mean by it?' said Mrs Nickleby.

'My dear mother,' returned Nicholas, 'the time for talking has gone by. There is but one step to take, and that

is to cast him off with the scorn and indignation he deserves. Your own honour and good name demand that,

after the discovery of his vile proceedings, you should not be beholden to him one hour, even for the shelter

'To be sure,' said Mrs Nickleby, crying bitterly, 'he is a brute, a monster; and the walls are very bare, and

want painting too, and I have had this ceiling whitewashed at the expense of eighteenpence, which is a very

distressing thing, considering that it is so much gone into your uncle's pocket. I never could have believed

'Lord bless my life!' exclaimed Mrs Nickleby. 'To think that that Sir Mulberry Hawk should be such an

abandoned wretch as Miss La Creevy says he is, Nicholas, my dear; when I was congratulating myself every

day on his being an admirer of our dear Kate's, and thinking what a thing it would be for the family if he was

to become connected with us, and use his interest to get you some profitable government place. There are

very good places to be got about the court, I know; for a friend of ours (Miss Cropley, at Exeter, my dear

Kate, you recollect), he had one, and I know that it was the chief part of his duty to wear silk stockings, and a

bag wig like a black watchpocket; and to think that it should come to this after alloh, dear, dear, it's

enough to kill one, that it is!' With which expressions of sorrow, Mrs Nickleby gave fresh vent to her grief,

CHAPTER 33. In which Mr Ralph Nickleby is relieved, by a very expeditious Process, from all Commerce with his Relations 288

As Nicholas and his sister were by this time compelled to superintend the removal of the few articles of

furniture, Miss La Creevy devoted herself to the consolation of the matron, and observed with great kindness

'Oh I dare say, Miss La Creevy,' returned Mrs Nickleby, with a petulance not unnatural in her unhappy

circumstances, 'it's very easy to say cheer up, but if you had as many occasions to cheer up as I have

hadand there,' said Mrs Nickleby, stopping short. 'Think of Mr Pyke and Mr Pluck, two of the most perfect

gentlemen that ever lived, what am I too say to themwhat can I say to them? Why, if I was to say to them,

'They will laugh no more at us, I take it,' said Nicholas, advancing. 'Come, mother, there is a coach at the

'Where everything is ready, and a hearty welcome into the bargain,' added Miss La Creevy. 'Now, let me

But Mrs Nickleby was not to be so easily moved, for first she insisted on going upstairs to see that nothing

had been left, and then on going downstairs to see that everything had been taken away; and when she was

getting into the coach she had a vision of a forgotten coffeepot on the backkitchen hob, and after she was

shut in, a dismal recollection of a green umbrella behind some unknown door. At last Nicholas, in a condition

of absolute despair, ordered the coachman to drive away, and in the unexpected jerk of a sudden starting, Mrs

Nickleby lost a shilling among the straw, which fortunately confined her attention to the coach until it was

Having seen everything safely out, discharged the servant, and locked the door, Nicholas jumped into a

cabriolet and drove to a bye place near Golden Square where he had appointed to meet Noggs; and so quickly

had everything been done, that it was barely halfpast nine when he reached the place of meeting.

'Here is the letter for Ralph,' said Nicholas, 'and here the key. When you come to me this evening, not a word

of last night. Ill news travels fast, and they will know it soon enough. Have you heard if he was much hurt?'

Nicholas waved his hand carelessly, and concealing the indisposition he really felt, now that the excitement

which had sustained him was over, took a hurried farewell of Newman Noggs, and left him.

Newman was not three minutes' walk from Golden Square, but in the course of that three minutes he took the

letter out of his hat and put it in again twenty times at least. First the front, then the back, then the sides, then

the superscription, then the seal, were objects of Newman's admiration. Then he held it at arm's length as if to

take in the whole at one delicious survey, and then he rubbed his hands in a perfect ecstasy with his

He reached the office, hung his hat on its accustomed peg, laid the letter and key upon the desk, and waited

impatiently until Ralph Nickleby should appear. After a few minutes, the wellknown creaking of his boots

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'You are known to me now. There are no reproaches I could heap upon your head which would carry with

them one thousandth part of the grovelling shame that this assurance will awaken even in your breast.

'Your brother's widow and her orphan child spurn the shelter of your roof, and shun you with disgust and

loathing. Your kindred renounce you, for they know no shame but the ties of blood which bind them in name

'You are an old man, and I leave you to the grave. May every recollection of your life cling to your false

Ralph Nickleby read this letter twice, and frowning heavily, fell into a fit of musing; the paper fluttered from

his hand and dropped upon the floor, but he clasped his fingers, as if he held it still.

Suddenly, he started from his seat, and thrusting it all crumpled into his pocket, turned furiously to Newman

Noggs, as though to ask him why he lingered. But Newman stood unmoved, with his back towards him,

following up, with the worn and blackened stump of an old pen, some figures in an Interesttable which was

pasted against the wall, and apparently quite abstracted from every other object.

'What a demnition long time you have kept me ringing at this confounded old cracked teakettle of a bell,

every tinkle of which is enough to throw a strong man into blue convulsions, upon my life and soul, oh

demmit,'said Mr Mantalini to Newman Noggs, scraping his boots, as he spoke, on Ralph Nickleby's

'Then you are most immensely and outrigeously deaf,' said Mr Mantalini, 'as deaf as a demnition post.'

Mr Mantalini had got by this time into the passage, and was making his way to the door of Ralph's office with

very little ceremony, when Newman interposed his body; and hinting that Mr Nickleby was unwilling to be

'It is most demnebly particular,' said Mr Mantalini. 'It is to melt some scraps of dirty paper into bright,

Newman uttered a significant grunt, and taking Mr Mantalini's proffered card, limped with it into his master's

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office. As he thrust his head in at the door, he saw that Ralph had resumed the thoughtful posture into which

he had fallen after perusing his nephew's letter, and that he seemed to have been reading it again, as he once

more held it open in his hand. The glance was but momentary, for Ralph, being disturbed, turned to demand

As Newman stated it, the cause himself swaggered into the room, and grasping Ralph's horny hand with

uncommon affection, vowed that he had never seen him looking so well in all his life.

'There is quite a bloom upon your demd countenance,' said Mr Mantalini, seating himself unbidden, and

'Good!' cried Mr Mantalini, displaying his teeth. 'What did I want! Yes. Ha, ha! Very good. WHAT did I

'Demnition discount,' returned Mr Mantalini, with a grin, and shaking his head waggishly.

'The times are bad, and one scarcely knows whom to trust,' continued Ralph. 'I don't want to do business just

now, in fact I would rather not; but as you are a friendhow many bills have you there?'

'I'll do them for youmind, for YOU; I wouldn't for many people for fiveandtwenty pounds,' said

'Oh demmit!' cried Mr Mantalini, whose face lengthened considerably at this handsome proposal.

'Why, that leaves you fifty,' retorted Ralph. 'What would you have? Let me see the names.'

'Let me see the names,' replied Ralph, impatiently extending his hand for the bills. 'Well! They are not sure,

but they are safe enough. Do you consent to the terms, and will you take the money? I don't want you to do

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'No,' replied Ralph, interrupting him. 'I can't. Will you take the moneydown, mind; no delay, no going into

the city and pretending to negotiate with some other party who has no existence, and never had. Is it a

Ralph pushed some papers from him as he spoke, and carelessly rattled his cashbox, as though by mere

accident. The sound was too much for Mr Mantalini. He closed the bargain directly it reached his ears, and

He had scarcely done so, and Mr Mantalini had not yet gathered it all up, when a ring was heard at the bell,

and immediately afterwards Newman ushered in no less a person than Madame Mantalini, at sight of whom

Mr Mantalini evinced considerable discomposure, and swept the cash into his pocket with remarkable

'Yes, my life and soul, I am,' replied her husband, dropping on his knees, and pouncing with kittenlike

playfulness upon a stray sovereign. 'I am here, my soul's delight, upon Tom Tiddler's ground, picking up the

'Ashamedof ME, my joy? It knows it is talking demd charming sweetness, but naughty fibs,' returned Mr

Whatever were the circumstances which had led to such a result, it certainly appeared as though the

popolorum tibby had rather miscalculated, for the nonce, the extent of his lady's affection. Madame Mantalini

only looked scornful in reply; and, turning to Ralph, begged him to excuse her intrusion.

'Which is entirely attributable,' said Madame, 'to the gross misconduct and most improper behaviour of Mr

'Of you,' returned his wife. 'But I will not allow it. I will not submit to be ruined by the extravagance and

profligacy of any man. I call Mr Nickleby to witness the course I intend to pursue with you.'

'Pray don't call me to witness anything, ma'am,' said Ralph. 'Settle it between yourselves, settle it between

'No, but I must beg you as a favour,' said Madame Mantalini, 'to hear me give him notice of what it is my

fixed intention to domy fixed intention, sir,' repeated Madame Mantalini, darting an angry look at her

'Will she call me "Sir"?' cried Mantalini. 'Me who dote upon her with the demdest ardour! She, who coils her

fascinations round me like a pure angelic rattlesnake! It will be all up with my feelings; she will throw me

'Don't talk of feelings, sir,' rejoined Madame Mantalini, seating herself, and turning her back upon him. 'You

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And notwithstanding various blandishments on the part of Mr Mantalini, Madame Mantalini still said no, and

said it too with such determined and resolute illtemper, that Mr Mantalini was clearly taken aback.

'His extravagance, Mr Nickleby,' said Madame Mantalini, addressing herself to Ralph, who leant against his

easychair with his hands behind him, and regarded the amiable couple with a smile of the supremest and

'I assure you, Mr Nickleby, however, that it is,' returned Madame Mantalini. 'It makes me miserable! I am

under constant apprehensions, and in constant difficulty. And even this,' said Madame Mantalini, wiping her

eyes, 'is not the worst. He took some papers of value out of my desk this morning without asking my

'I am obliged,' continued Madame Mantalini, 'since our late misfortunes, to pay Miss Knag a great deal of

money for having her name in the business, and I really cannot afford to encourage him in all his

wastefulness. As I have no doubt that he came straight here, Mr Nickleby, to convert the papers I have

spoken of, into money, and as you have assisted us very often before, and are very much connected with us in

this kind of matters, I wish you to know the determination at which his conduct has compelled me to arrive.'

Mr Mantalini groaned once more from behind his wife's bonnet, and fitting a sovereign into one of his eyes,

winked with the other at Ralph. Having achieved this performance with great dexterity, he whipped the coin

'I have made up my mind,' said Madame Mantalini, as tokens of impatience manifested themselves in Ralph's

'To do that, my joy?' inquired Mr Mantalini, who did not seem to have caught the words.

'To put him,' said Madame Mantalini, looking at Ralph, and prudently abstaining from the slightest glance at

her husband, lest his many graces should induce her to falter in her resolution, 'to put him upon a fixed

allowance; and I say that if he has a hundred and twenty pounds a year for his clothes and pocketmoney, he

Mr Mantalini waited, with much decorum, to hear the amount of the proposed stipend, but when it reached

his ears, he cast his hat and cane upon the floor, and drawing out his pockethandkerchief, gave vent to his

'Demnition!' cried Mr Mantalini, suddenly skipping out of his chair, and as suddenly skipping into it again, to

the great discomposure of his lady's nerves. 'But no. It is a demd horrid dream. It is not reality. No!'

Comforting himself with this assurance, Mr Mantalini closed his eyes and waited patiently till such time as he

'A very judicious arrangement,' observed Ralph with a sneer, 'if your husband will keep within it, ma'amas

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'Demmit!' exclaimed Mr Mantalini, opening his eyes at the sound of Ralph's voice, 'it is a horrid reality. She

is sitting there before me. There is the graceful outline of her form; it cannot be mistakenthere is nothing

like it. The two countesses had no outlines at all, and the dowager's was a demd outline. Why is she so

'You have brought it upon yourself, Alfred,' returned Madame Mantalinistill reproachfully, but in a

'I am a demd villain!' cried Mr Mantalini, smiting himself on the head. 'I will fill my pockets with change for

a sovereign in halfpence and drown myself in the Thames; but I will not be angry with her, even then, for I

will put a note in the twopennypost as I go along, to tell her where the body is. She will be a lovely widow. I

'Alfred, you cruel, cruel creature,' said Madame Mantalini, sobbing at the dreadful picture.

'She calls me cruelmemewho for her sake will become a demd, damp, moist, unpleasant body!'

'You know it almost breaks my heart, even to hear you talk of such a thing,' replied Madame Mantalini.

'Can I live to be mistrusted?' cried her husband. 'Have I cut my heart into a demd extraordinary number of

little pieces, and given them all away, one after another, to the same little engrossing demnition captivater,

'Ask Mr Nickleby whether the sum I have mentioned is not a proper one,' reasoned Madame Mantalini.

'I don't want any sum,' replied her disconsolate husband; 'I shall require no demd allowance. I will be a body.'

On this repetition of Mr Mantalini's fatal threat, Madame Mantalini wrung her hands, and implored the

interference of Ralph Nickleby; and after a great quantity of tears and talking, and several attempts on the

part of Mr Mantalini to reach the door, preparatory to straightway committing violence upon himself, that

gentleman was prevailed upon, with difficulty, to promise that he wouldn't be a body. This great point

attained, Madame Mantalini argued the question of the allowance, and Mr Mantalini did the same, taking

occasion to show that he could live with uncommon satisfaction upon bread and water, and go clad in rags,

but that he could not support existence with the additional burden of being mistrusted by the object of his

most devoted and disinterested affection. This brought fresh tears into Madame Mantalini's eyes, which

having just begun to open to some few of the demerits of Mr Mantalini, were only open a very little way, and

could be easily closed again. The result was, that without quite giving up the allowance question, Madame

Mantalini, postponed its further consideration; and Ralph saw, clearly enough, that Mr Mantalini had gained

a fresh lease of his easy life, and that, for some time longer at all events, his degradation and downfall were

'But it will come soon enough,' thought Ralph; 'all lovebah! that I should use the cant of boys and girlsis

fleeting enough; though that which has its sole root in the admiration of a whiskered face like that of yonder

baboon, perhaps lasts the longest, as it originates in the greater blindness and is fed by vanity. Meantime the

fools bring grist to my mill, so let them live out their day, and the longer it is, the better.'

These agreeable reflections occurred to Ralph Nickleby, as sundry small caresses and endearments, supposed

'If you have nothing more to say, my dear, to Mr Nickleby,' said Madame Mantalini, 'we will take our leaves.

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Mr Mantalini answered, in the first instance, by tapping Madame Mantalini several times on the nose, and

'Demmit! I have, though,' he added almost immediately, drawing Ralph into a corner. 'Here's an affair about

your friend Sir Mulberry. Such a demd extraordinary outoftheway kind of thing as never was eh?'

'I see by the paper that he was thrown from his cabriolet last night, and severely injured, and that his life is in

some danger,' answered Ralph with great composure; 'but I see nothing extraordinary in thataccidents are

'Whew!' cried Mr Mantalini in a long shrill whistle. 'Then don't you know how it was?'

'Not unless it was as I have just supposed,' replied Ralph, shrugging his shoulders carelessly, as if to give his

Ralph shrugged his shoulders again, as if it were no great feat to amaze Mr Mantalini, and cast a wistful

glance at the face of Newman Noggs, which had several times appeared behind a couple of panes of glass in

the room door; it being a part of Newman's duty, when unimportant people called, to make various feints of

supposing that the bell had rung for him to show them out: by way of a gentle hint to such visitors that it was

'Don't you know,' said Mr Mantalini, taking Ralph by the button, 'that it wasn't an accident at all, but a demd,

'Demmit, Nickleby, you're as great a tiger as he is,' said Mantalini, alarmed at these demonstrations.

'Go on,' cried Ralph. 'Tell me what you mean. What is this story? Who told you? Speak,' growled Ralph. 'Do

''Gad, Nickleby,' said Mr Mantalini, retreating towards his wife, 'what a demneble fierce old evil genius you

are! You're enough to frighten the life and soul out of her little delicious witsflying all at once into such a

'It is a demd uncomfortable, privatemadhousesort of a manner,' said Mr Mantalini, picking up his cane.

Ralph affected to smile, and once more inquired from whom Mr Mantalini had derived his information.

'From Pyke; and a demd, fine, pleasant, gentlemanly dog it is,' replied Mantalini. 'Demnition pleasant, and a

CHAPTER 34. Wherein Mr Ralph Nickleby is visited by Persons with whom the Reader has been already made acquainted 295

'That it happened this waythat your nephew met him at a coffeehouse, fell upon him with the most

demneble ferocity, followed him to his cab, swore he would ride home with him, if he rode upon the horse's

back or hooked himself on to the horse's tail; smashed his countenance, which is a demd fine countenance in

its natural state; frightened the horse, pitched out Sir Mulberry and himself, and'

'Ugh,' said Ralph, turning away. 'Then he has done nothing. Stay,' he added, looking round again. 'He broke a

leg or an arm, or put his shoulder out, or fractured his collarbone, or ground a rib or two? His neck was

saved for the halter, but he got some painful and slowhealing injury for his trouble? Did he? You must have

'No,' rejoined Mantalini, shaking his head again. 'Unless he was dashed into such little pieces that they blew

away, he wasn't hurt, for he went off as quiet and comfortable asasas demnition,' said Mr Mantalini,

'You are the demdest, knowing hand,' replied Mr Mantalini, in an admiring tone, 'the cunningest, rummest,

superlativest old foxoh dem!to pretend now not to know that it was the little brighteyed niecethe

'She is always right,' rejoined Mr Mantalini soothingly, 'and when she says it is time to go, it is time, and go

she shall; and when she walks along the streets with her own tulip, the women shall say, with envy, she has

got a demd fine husband; and the men shall say with rapture, he has got a demd fine wife; and they shall both

With which remarks, and many more, no less intellectual and to the purpose, Mr Mantalini kissed the fingers

of his gloves to Ralph Nickleby, and drawing his lady's arm through his, led her mincingly away.

'So, so,' muttered Ralph, dropping into his chair; 'this devil is loose again, and thwarting me, as he was born

to do, at every turn. He told me once there should be a day of reckoning between us, sooner or later. I'll make

'He has been waiting nearly ever since they first came in, and may have heard your voicethat's all,' said

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'Who has?' demanded Ralph, wrought by the intelligence he had just heard, and his clerk's provoking

The necessity of a reply was superseded by the unlookedfor entrance of a third partythe individual in

questionwho, bringing his one eye (for he had but one) to bear on Ralph Nickleby, made a great many

shambling bows, and sat himself down in an armchair, with his hands on his knees, and his short black

trousers drawn up so high in the legs by the exertion of seating himself, that they scarcely reached below the

'Why, this IS a surprise!' said Ralph, bending his gaze upon the visitor, and half smiling as he scrutinised him

'Ah!' replied that worthy, 'and you'd have know'd it better, sir, if it hadn't been for all that I've been agoing

through. Just lift that little boy off the tall stool in the backoffice, and tell him to come in here, will you, my

man?' said Squeers, addressing himself to Newman. 'Oh, he's lifted hisself off. My son, sir, little Wackford.

What do you think of him, sir, for a specimen of the Dotheboys Hall feeding? Ain't he fit to bust out of his

clothes, and start the seams, and make the very buttons fly off with his fatness? Here's flesh!' cried Squeers,

turning the boy about, and indenting the plumpest parts of his figure with divers pokes and punches, to the

great discomposure of his son and heir. 'Here's firmness, here's solidness! Why you can hardly get up enough

In however good condition Master Squeers might have been, he certainly did not present this remarkable

compactness of person, for on his father's closing his finger and thumb in illustration of his remark, he uttered

'Well,' remarked Squeers, a little disconcerted, 'I had him there; but that's because we breakfasted early this

morning, and he hasn't had his lunch yet. Why you couldn't shut a bit of him in a door, when he's had his

dinner. Look at them tears, sir,' said Squeers, with a triumphant air, as Master Wackford wiped his eyes with

'He looks well, indeed,' returned Ralph, who, for some purposes of his own, seemed desirous to conciliate the

'Mrs Squeers, sir,' replied the proprietor of Dotheboys, 'is as she always isa mother to them lads, and a

blessing, and a comfort, and a joy to all them as knows her. One of our boysgorging hisself with vittles,

and then turning in; that's their waygot a abscess on him last week. To see how she operated upon him

with a penknife! Oh Lor!' said Squeers, heaving a sigh, and nodding his head a great many times, 'what a

Mr Squeers indulged in a retrospective look, for some quarter of a minute, as if this allusion to his lady's

excellences had naturally led his mind to the peaceful village of Dotheboys near Greta Bridge in Yorkshire;

'I've only just done it, if I've done it now,' replied Squeers. 'I was one blessed bruise, sir,' said Squeers,

touching first the roots of his hair, and then the toes of his boots, 'from HERE to THERE. Vinegar and brown

paper, vinegar and brown paper, from morning to night. I suppose there was a matter of half a ream of brown

paper stuck upon me, from first to last. As I laid all of a heap in our kitchen, plastered all over, you might

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have thought I was a large brownpaper parcel, chock full of nothing but groans. Did I groan loud,

'Was the boys sorry to see me in such a dreadful condition, Wackford, or was they glad?' asked Mr Squeers,

'Oh!' said Squeers, catching him a smart box on the ear. 'Then take your hands out of your pockets, and don't

stammer when you're asked a question. Hold your noise, sir, in a gentleman's office, or I'll run away from my

family and never come back any more; and then what would become of all them precious and forlorn lads as

'Ay, was I,' rejoined Squeers, 'and a precious bill the medical attendant brought in too; but I paid it though.'

Ralph elevated his eyebrows in a manner which might be expressive of either sympathy or

'Yes, I paid it, every farthing,' replied Squeers, who seemed to know the man he had to deal with, too well to

suppose that any blinking of the question would induce him to subscribe towards the expenses; 'I wasn't out

'Not a halfpenny,' replied Squeers. 'The fact is, we have only one extra with our boys, and that is for doctors

'Very good,' rejoined Squeers. 'Then, after my bill was run up, we picked out five little boys (sons of small

tradesmen, as was sure pay) that had never had the scarlet fever, and we sent one to a cottage where they'd

got it, and he took it, and then we put the four others to sleep with him, and THEY took it, and then the

doctor came and attended 'em once all round, and we divided my total among 'em, and added it on to their

'I believe you,' rejoined Squeers. 'We always do it. Why, when Mrs Squeers was brought to bed with little

Wackford here, we ran the hoopingcough through halfadozen boys, and charged her expenses among

Ralph never laughed, but on this occasion he produced the nearest approach to it that he could, and waiting

until Mr Squeers had enjoyed the professional joke to his heart's content, inquired what had brought him to

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'Some bothering law business,' replied Squeers, scratching his head, 'connected with an action, for what they

call neglect of a boy. I don't know what they would have. He had as good grazing, that boy had, as there is

'Grazing,' said Squeers, raising his voice, under the impression that as Ralph failed to comprehend him, he

must be deaf. 'When a boy gets weak and ill and don't relish his meals, we give him a change of dietturn

him out, for an hour or so every day, into a neighbour's turnip field, or sometimes, if it's a delicate case, a

turnip field and a piece of carrots alternately, and let him eat as many as he likes. There an't better land in the

country than this perwerse lad grazed on, and yet he goes and catches cold and indigestion and what not, and

then his friends brings a lawsuit against ME! Now, you'd hardly suppose,' added Squeers, moving in his chair

with the impatience of an illused man, 'that people's ingratitude would carry them quite as far as that; would

'You don't say more than the truth when you say that,' replied Squeers. 'I don't suppose there's a man going, as

possesses the fondness for youth that I do. There's youth to the amount of eight hundred pound a year at

Dotheboys Hall at this present time. I'd take sixteen hundred pound worth if I could get 'em, and be as fond of

'Yes, we are at the Saracen,' replied Squeers, 'and as it don't want very long to the end of the halfyear, we

shall continney to stop there till I've collected the money, and some new boys too, I hope. I've brought little

Wackford up, on purpose to show to parents and guardians. I shall put him in the advertisement, this time.

Look at that boyhimself a pupil. Why he's a miracle of high feeding, that boy is!'

'I should like to have a word with you,' said Ralph, who had both spoken and listened mechanically for some

'As many words as you like, sir,' rejoined Squeers. 'Wackford, you go and play in the back office, and don't

move about too much or you'll get thin, and that won't do. You haven't got such a thing as twopence, Mr

Nickleby, have you?' said Squeers, rattling a bunch of keys in his coat pocket, and muttering something about

'Ithink I have,' said Ralph, very slowly, and producing, after much rummaging in an old drawer, a penny, a

'Thankee,' said Squeers, bestowing it upon his son. 'Here! You go and buy a tartMr Nickleby's man will

show you whereand mind you buy a rich one. Pastry,' added Squeers, closing the door on Master

Wackford, 'makes his flesh shine a good deal, and parents thinks that a healthy sign.'

With this explanation, and a peculiarly knowing look to eke it out, Mr Squeers moved his chair so as to bring

himself opposite to Ralph Nickleby at no great distance off; and having planted it to his entire satisfaction, sat

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'I am not to suppose,' said Ralph, 'that you are dolt enough to forgive or forget, very readily, the violence that

'Or to lose an opportunity of repaying it with interest, if you could get one?' said Ralph.

'Some such object it was, that induced you to call on me?' said Ralph, raising his eyes to the schoolmaster's

'Nnno, I don't know that,' replied Squeers. 'I thought that if it was in your power to make me, besides the

After a long pause, during which Ralph appeared absorbed in contemplation, he again broke silence by

'Was he young or old, healthy or sickly, tractable or rebellious? Speak out, man,' retorted Ralph.

'Why, he wasn't young,' answered Squeers; 'that is, not young for a boy, you know.'

'Well,' returned Squeers, briskly, as if he felt relieved by the suggestion, 'he might have been nigh twenty. He

wouldn't seem so old, though, to them as didn't know him, for he was a little wanting here,' touching his

'When you wrote to acknowledge the receipt of this trifle of money as you call it,' said Ralph, 'you told me his

friends had deserted him long ago, and that you had not the faintest clue or trace to tell you who he was. Is

'It is, worse luck!' replied Squeers, becoming more and more easy and familiar in his manner, as Ralph

pursued his inquiries with the less reserve. 'It's fourteen years ago, by the entry in my book, since a strange

man brought him to my place, one autumn night, and left him there; paying five pound five, for his first

quarter in advance. He might have been five or six year old at that timenot more.'

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'Devilish little, I'm sorry to say,' replied Squeers. 'The money was paid for some six or eight year, and then it

stopped. He had given an address in London, had this chap; but when it came to the point, of course nobody

'Charity, to be sure,' returned Squeers, rubbing his knees, 'and when he begins to be useful in a certain sort of

way, this young scoundrel of a Nickleby comes and carries him off. But the most vexatious and aggeravating

part of the whole affair is,' said Squeers, dropping his voice, and drawing his chair still closer to Ralph, 'that

some questions have been asked about him at lastnot of me, but, in a roundabout kind of way, of people in

our village. So, that just when I might have had all arrears paid up, perhaps, and perhapswho knows? such

things have happened in our business beforea present besides for putting him out to a farmer, or sending

him to sea, so that he might never turn up to disgrace his parents, supposing him to be a natural boy, as many

of our boys are damme, if that villain of a Nickleby don't collar him in open day, and commit as good as

'We will both cry quits with him before long,' said Ralph, laying his hand on the arm of the Yorkshire

'Quits!' echoed Squeers. 'Ah! and I should like to leave a small balance in his favour, to be settled when he

can. I only wish Mrs Squeers could catch hold of him. Bless her heart! She'd murder him, Mr Nicklebyshe

'We will talk of this again,' said Ralph. 'I must have time to think of it. To wound him through his own

'Strike him how you like, sir,' interrupted Squeers, 'only hit him hard enough, that's alland with that, I'll say

goodmorning. Here!just chuck that little boy's hat off that corner peg, and lift him off the stool will you?'

Bawling these requests to Newman Noggs, Mr Squeers betook himself to the little backoffice, and fitted on

his child's hat with parental anxiety, while Newman, with his pen behind his ear, sat, stiff and immovable, on

'He's a fine boy, an't he?' said Squeers, throwing his head a little on one side, and falling back to the desk, the

'Pretty well swelled out, an't he?' pursued Squeers. 'He has the fatness of twenty boys, he has.'

'Ah!' replied Newman, suddenly thrusting his face into that of Squeers, 'he has;the fatness of

Having uttered these fragmentary observations, Newman dropped upon his desk and began to write with most

CHAPTER 34. Wherein Mr Ralph Nickleby is visited by Persons with whom the Reader has been already made acquainted 301

But, still Newman betrayed no consciousness of any presence save his own; so, Mr Squeers comforted

himself by saying that he was both drunk AND mad; and, with this parting observation, he led his hopeful

In exact proportion as Ralph Nickleby became conscious of a struggling and lingering regard for Kate, had

his detestation of Nicholas augmented. It might be, that to atone for the weakness of inclining to any one

person, he held it necessary to hate some other more intensely than before; but such had been the course of

his feelings. And now, to be defied and spurned, to be held up to her in the worst and most repulsive colours,

to know that she was taught to hate and despise him: to feel that there was infection in his touch, and taint in

his companionshipto know all this, and to know that the mover of it all was that same boyish poor relation

who had twitted him in their very first interview, and openly bearded and braved him since, wrought his quiet

and stealthy malignity to such a pitch, that there was scarcely anything he would not have hazarded to gratify

But, fortunately for Nicholas, Ralph Nickleby did not; and although he cast about all that day, and kept a

corner of his brain working on the one anxious subject through all the round of schemes and business that

came with it, night found him at last, still harping on the same theme, and still pursuing the same unprofitable

'When my brother was such as he,' said Ralph, 'the first comparisons were drawn between usalways in my

disfavour. HE was open, liberal, gallant, gay; I a crafty hunks of cold and stagnant blood, with no passion but

love of saving, and no spirit beyond a thirst for gain. I recollected it well when I first saw this whipster; but I

He had been occupied in tearing Nicholas's letter into atoms; and as he spoke, he scattered it in a tiny shower

'Recollections like these,' pursued Ralph, with a bitter smile, 'flock upon mewhen I resign myself to

themin crowds, and from countless quarters. As a portion of the world affect to despise the power of

And being, by this time, in a pleasant frame of mind for slumber, Ralph Nickleby went to bed.

Having established his mother and sister in the apartments of the kindhearted miniature painter, and

ascertained that Sir Mulberry Hawk was in no danger of losing his life, Nicholas turned his thoughts to poor

Smike, who, after breakfasting with Newman Noggs, had remained, in a disconsolate state, at that worthy

creature's lodgings, waiting, with much anxiety, for further intelligence of his protector.

'As he will be one of our own little household, wherever we live, or whatever fortune is in reserve for us,'

thought Nicholas, 'I must present the poor fellow in due form. They will be kind to him for his own sake, and

if not (on that account solely) to the full extent I could wish, they will stretch a point, I am sure, for mine.'

Nicholas said 'they', but his misgivings were confined to one person. He was sure of Kate, but he knew his

mother's peculiarities, and was not quite so certain that Smike would find favour in the eyes of Mrs Nickleby.

'However,' thought Nicholas as he departed on his benevolent errand; 'she cannot fail to become attached to

CHAPTER 35. Smike becomes known to Mrs Nickleby and Kate. Nicholas also meets with new Acquaintances. Brighter Days seem to dawn upon the Family 302

him, when she knows what a devoted creature he is, and as she must quickly make the discovery, his

'I was afraid,' said Smike, overjoyed to see his friend again, 'that you had fallen into some fresh trouble; the

'Lost!' replied Nicholas gaily. 'You will not be rid of me so easily, I promise you. I shall rise to the surface

many thousand times yet, and the harder the thrust that pushes me down, the more quickly I shall rebound,

'I had such hopes once,' said Smike; 'day and night, day and night, for many years. I longed for home till I

'And what now?' asked Nicholas, looking kindly in his face. 'What now, old friend?'

'I could not part from you to go to any home on earth,' replied Smike, pressing his hand; 'except one, except

one. I shall never be an old man; and if your hand placed me in the grave, and I could think, before I died,

that you would come and look upon it sometimes with one of your kind smiles, and in the summer weather,

when everything was alivenot dead like meI could go to that home almost without a tear.'

'Why do you talk thus, poor boy, if your life is a happy one with me?' said Nicholas.

'Because I should change; not those about me. And if they forgot me, I should never know it,' replied Smike.

'In the churchyard we are all alike, but here there are none like me. I am a poor creature, but I know that.'

'You are a foolish, silly creature,' said Nicholas cheerfully. 'If that is what you mean, I grant you that. Why,

here's a dismal face for ladies' company!my pretty sister too, whom you have so often asked me about. Is

'When I talk of home,' pursued Nicholas, 'I talk of minewhich is yours of course. If it were defined by any

particular four walls and a roof, God knows I should be sufficiently puzzled to say whereabouts it lay; but

that is not what I mean. When I speak of home, I speak of the place wherein default of a betterthose I

love are gathered together; and if that place were a gypsy's tent, or a barn, I should call it by the same good

name notwithstanding. And now, for what is my present home, which, however alarming your expectations

So saying, Nicholas took his companion by the arm, and saying a great deal more to the same purpose, and

pointing out various things to amuse and interest him as they went along, led the way to Miss La Creevy's

'And this, Kate,' said Nicholas, entering the room where his sister sat alone, 'is the faithful friend and

Poor Smike was bashful, and awkward, and frightened enough, at first, but Kate advanced towards him so

kindly, and said, in such a sweet voice, how anxious she had been to see him after all her brother had told her,

CHAPTER 35. Smike becomes known to Mrs Nickleby and Kate. Nicholas also meets with new Acquaintances. Brighter Days seem to dawn upon the Family 303

and how much she had to thank him for having comforted Nicholas so greatly in their very trying reverses,

that he began to be very doubtful whether he should shed tears or not, and became still more flurried.

However, he managed to say, in a broken voice, that Nicholas was his only friend, and that he would lay

down his life to help him; and Kate, although she was so kind and considerate, seemed to be so wholly

unconscious of his distress and embarrassment, that he recovered almost immediately and felt quite at home.

Then, Miss La Creevy came in; and to her Smike had to be presented also. And Miss La Creevy was very

kind too, and wonderfully talkative: not to Smike, for that would have made him uneasy at first, but to

Nicholas and his sister. Then, after a time, she would speak to Smike himself now and then, asking him

whether he was a judge of likenesses, and whether he thought that picture in the corner was like herself, and

whether he didn't think it would have looked better if she had made herself ten years younger, and whether he

didn't think, as a matter of general observation, that young ladies looked better not only in pictures, but out of

them too, than old ones; with many more small jokes and facetious remarks, which were delivered with such

goodhumour and merriment, that Smike thought, within himself, she was the nicest lady he had ever seen;

even nicer than Mrs Grudden, of Mr Vincent Crummles's theatre; and she was a nice lady too, and talked,

At length the door opened again, and a lady in mourning came in; and Nicholas kissing the lady in mourning

affectionately, and calling her his mother, led her towards the chair from which Smike had risen when she

'You are always kindhearted, and anxious to help the oppressed, my dear mother,' said Nicholas, 'so you will

'I am sure, my dear Nicholas,' replied Mrs Nickleby, looking very hard at her new friend, and bending to him

with something more of majesty than the occasion seemed to require: 'I am sure any friend of yours has, as

indeed he naturally ought to have, and must have, of course, you know, a great claim upon me, and of course,

it is a very great pleasure to me to be introduced to anybody you take an interest in. There can he no doubt

about that; none at all; not the least in the world,' said Mrs Nickleby. 'At the same time I must say, Nicholas,

my dear, as I used to say to your poor dear papa, when he WOULD bring gentlemen home to dinner, and

there was nothing in the house, that if he had come the day before yesterdayno, I don't mean the day before

yesterday now; I should have said, perhaps, the year before lastwe should have been better able to

With which remarks, Mrs Nickleby turned to her daughter, and inquired, in an audible whisper, whether the

'Because, if he is, Kate, my dear,' said Mrs Nickleby, 'I don't see that it's possible for him to sleep anywhere,

Kate stepped gracefully forward, and without any show of annoyance or irritation, breathed a few words into

'La, Kate, my dear,' said Mrs Nickleby, shrinking back, 'how you do tickle one! Of course, I understand

THAT, my love, without your telling me; and I said the same to Nicholas, and I AM very much pleased. You

didn't tell me, Nicholas, my dear,' added Mrs Nickleby, turning round with an air of less reserve than she had

The effect of this communication was by no means anticipated; but the name was no sooner pronounced, than

CHAPTER 35. Smike becomes known to Mrs Nickleby and Kate. Nicholas also meets with new Acquaintances. Brighter Days seem to dawn upon the Family 304

'It's so like Pyke,' cried Mrs Nickleby; 'so exactly like Pyke. Oh! don't speak to meI shall be better

And after exhibiting every symptom of slow suffocation in all its stages, and drinking about a teaspoonful of

water from a full tumbler, and spilling the remainder, Mrs Nickleby WAS better, and remarked, with a feeble

'It's a weakness in our family,' said Mrs Nickleby, 'so, of course, I can't be blamed for it. Your grandmama,

Kate, was exactly the sameprecisely. The least excitement, the slightest surpriseshe fainted away

directly. I have heard her say, often and often, that when she was a young lady, and before she was married,

she was turning a corner into Oxford Street one day, when she ran against her own hairdresser, who, it seems,

was escaping from a bear;the mere suddenness of the encounter made her faint away directly. Wait,

though,' added Mrs Nickleby, pausing to consider. 'Let me be sure I'm right. Was it her hairdresser who had

escaped from a bear, or was it a bear who had escaped from her hairdresser's? I declare I can't remember just

now, but the hairdresser was a very handsome man, I know, and quite a gentleman in his manners; so that it

Mrs Nickleby having fallen imperceptibly into one of her retrospective moods, improved in temper from that

moment, and glided, by an easy change of the conversation occasionally, into various other anecdotes, no less

'Mr Smike is from Yorkshire, Nicholas, my dear?' said Mrs Nickleby, after dinner, and when she had been

'Certainly, mother,' replied Nicholas. 'I see you have not forgotten his melancholy history.'

'O dear no,' cried Mrs Nickleby. 'Ah! melancholy, indeed. You don't happen, Mr Smike, ever to have dined

with the Grimbles of Grimble Hall, somewhere in the North Riding, do you?' said the good lady, addressing

herself to him. 'A very proud man, Sir Thomas Grimble, with six grownup and most lovely daughters, and

'My dear mother,' reasoned Nicholas, 'do you suppose that the unfortunate outcast of a Yorkshire school was

likely to receive many cards of invitation from the nobility and gentry in the neighbourhood?'

'Really, my dear, I don't know why it should be so very extraordinary,' said Mrs Nickleby. 'I know that when

I was at school, I always went at least twice every halfyear to the Hawkinses at Taunton Vale, and they are

much richer than the Grimbles, and connected with them in marriage; so you see it's not so very unlikely,

Having put down Nicholas in this triumphant manner, Mrs Nickleby was suddenly seized with a forgetfulness

of Smike's real name, and an irresistible tendency to call him Mr Slammons; which circumstance she

attributed to the remarkable similarity of the two names in point of sound both beginning with an S, and

moreover being spelt with an M. But whatever doubt there might be on this point, there was none as to his

being a most excellent listener; which circumstance had considerable influence in placing them on the very

best terms, and inducing Mrs Nickleby to express the highest opinion of his general deportment and

CHAPTER 35. Smike becomes known to Mrs Nickleby and Kate. Nicholas also meets with new Acquaintances. Brighter Days seem to dawn upon the Family 305

Thus, the little circle remained, on the most amicable and agreeable footing, until the Monday morning, when

Nicholas withdrew himself from it for a short time, seriously to reflect upon the state of his affairs, and to

determine, if he could, upon some course of life, which would enable him to support those who were so

Mr Crummles occurred to him more than once; but although Kate was acquainted with the whole history of

his connection with that gentleman, his mother was not; and he foresaw a thousand fretful objections, on her

part, to his seeking a livelihood upon the stage. There were graver reasons, too, against his returning to that

mode of life. Independently of those arising out of its spare and precarious earnings, and his own internal

conviction that he could never hope to aspire to any great distinction, even as a provincial actor, how could he

carry his sister from town to town, and place to place, and debar her from any other associates than those with

whom he would be compelled, almost without distinction, to mingle? 'It won't do,' said Nicholas, shaking his

It was much easier to make this resolution than to carry it into effect. With no greater experience of the world

than he had acquired for himself in his short trials; with a sufficient share of headlong rashness and

precipitation (qualities not altogether unnatural at his time of life); with a very slender stock of money, and a

still more scanty stock of friends; what could he do? 'Egad!' said Nicholas, 'I'll try that Register Office again.'

He smiled at himself as he walked away with a quick step; for, an instant before, he had been internally

blaming his own precipitation. He did not laugh himself out of the intention, however, for on he went:

picturing to himself, as he approached the place, all kinds of splendid possibilities, and impossibilities too, for

that matter, and thinking himself, perhaps with good reason, very fortunate to be endowed with so buoyant

The office looked just the same as when he had left it last, and, indeed, with one or two exceptions, there

seemed to be the very same placards in the window that he had seen before. There were the same

unimpeachable masters and mistresses in want of virtuous servants, and the same virtuous servants in want of

unimpeachable masters and mistresses, and the same magnificent estates for the investment of capital, and the

same enormous quantities of capital to be invested in estates, and, in short, the same opportunities of all sorts

for people who wanted to make their fortunes. And a most extraordinary proof it was of the national

prosperity, that people had not been found to avail themselves of such advantages long ago.

As Nicholas stopped to look in at the window, an old gentleman happened to stop too; and Nicholas, carrying

his eye along the windowpanes from left to right in search of some capitaltext placard which should be

applicable to his own case, caught sight of this old gentleman's figure, and instinctively withdrew his eyes

He was a sturdy old fellow in a broadskirted blue coat, made pretty large, to fit easily, and with no particular

waist; his bulky legs clothed in drab breeches and high gaiters, and his head protected by a lowcrowned

broadbrimmed white hat, such as a wealthy grazier might wear. He wore his coat buttoned; and his dimpled

double chin rested in the folds of a white neckerchiefnot one of your stiff starched apoplectic cravats, but

a good, easy, oldfashioned white neckcloth that a man might go to bed in and be none the worse for. But

what principally attracted the attention of Nicholas was the old gentleman's eye,never was such a clear,

twinkling, honest, merry, happy eye, as that. And there he stood, looking a little upward, with one hand thrust

into the breast of his coat, and the other playing with his oldfashioned gold watchchain: his head thrown a

little on one side, and his hat a little more on one side than his head, (but that was evidently accident; not his

ordinary way of wearing it,) with such a pleasant smile playing about his mouth, and such a comical

expression of mingled slyness, simplicity, kind heartedness, and goodhumour, lighting up his jolly old

face, that Nicholas would have been content to have stood there and looked at him until evening, and to have

forgotten, meanwhile, that there was such a thing as a soured mind or a crabbed countenance to be met with

CHAPTER 35. Smike becomes known to Mrs Nickleby and Kate. Nicholas also meets with new Acquaintances. Brighter Days seem to dawn upon the Family 306

But, even a very remote approach to this gratification was not to be made, for although he seemed quite

unconscious of having been the subject of observation, he looked casually at Nicholas; and the latter, fearful

Still, the old gentleman stood there, glancing from placard to placard, and Nicholas could not forbear raising

his eyes to his face again. Grafted upon the quaintness and oddity of his appearance, was something so

indescribably engaging, and bespeaking so much worth, and there were so many little lights hovering about

the corners of his mouth and eyes, that it was not a mere amusement, but a positive pleasure and delight to

This being the case, it is no wonder that the old man caught Nicholas in the fact, more than once. At such

times, Nicholas coloured and looked embarrassed: for the truth is, that he had begun to wonder whether the

stranger could, by any possibility, be looking for a clerk or secretary; and thinking this, he felt as if the old

Long as all this takes to tell, it was not more than a couple of minutes in passing. As the stranger was moving

away, Nicholas caught his eye again, and, in the awkwardness of the moment, stammered out an apology.

This was said in such a hearty tone, and the voice was so exactly what it should have been from such a

speaker, and there was such a cordiality in the manner, that Nicholas was emboldened to speak again.

'A great many opportunities here, sir,' he said, half smiling as he motioned towards the window.

'A great many people willing and anxious to be employed have seriously thought so very often, I dare say,'

He moved away as he said this; but seeing that Nicholas was about to speak, goodnaturedly slackened his

pace, as if he were unwilling to cut him short. After a little of that hesitation which may be sometimes

observed between two people in the street who have exchanged a nod, and are both uncertain whether they

shall turn back and speak, or not, Nicholas found himself at the old man's side.

'Merely that I almost hopedI mean to say, thoughtyou had some object in consulting those

'Ay, ay? what object nowwhat object?' returned the old man, looking slyly at Nicholas. 'Did you think I

'Ha! ha!' laughed the old gentleman, rubbing his hands and wrists as if he were washing them. 'A very natural

thought, at all events, after seeing me gazing at those bills. I thought the same of you, at first; upon my word I

'If you had thought so at last, too, sir, you would not have been far from the truth,' rejoined Nicholas.

CHAPTER 35. Smike becomes known to Mrs Nickleby and Kate. Nicholas also meets with new Acquaintances. Brighter Days seem to dawn upon the Family 307

'Eh?' cried the old man, surveying him from head to foot. 'What! Dear me! No, no. Wellbehaved young

'Stay,' said the old man, beckoning him into a bye street, where they could converse with less interruption.

'Merely that your kind face and mannerboth so unlike any I have ever seentempted me into an avowal,

which, to any other stranger in this wilderness of London, I should not have dreamt of making,' returned

'Wilderness! Yes, it is, it is. Good! It IS a wilderness,' said the old man with much animation. 'It was a

wilderness to me once. I came here barefoot. I have never forgotten it. Thank God!' and he raised his hat from

'What's the matter? What is it? How did it all come about?' said the old man, laying his hand on the shoulder

of Nicholas, and walking him up the street. 'You'reEh?' laying his finger on the sleeve of his black coat.

'Ah!' said the old gentleman quickly. 'Bad thing for a young man to lose his father. Widowed mother,

'Poor thing, poor thing! You are a scholar too, I dare say?' said the old man, looking wistfully into the face of

'Fine thing,' said the old gentleman, 'education a great thing: a very great thing! I never had any. I admire it

the more in others. A very fine thing. Yes, yes. Tell me more of your history. Let me hear it all. No

There was something so earnest and guileless in the way in which all this was said, and such a complete

disregard of all conventional restraints and coldnesses, that Nicholas could not resist it. Among men who

have any sound and sterling qualities, there is nothing so contagious as pure openness of heart. Nicholas took

the infection instantly, and ran over the main points of his little history without reserve: merely suppressing

names, and touching as lightly as possible upon his uncle's treatment of Kate. The old man listened with great

'Don't say another word. Not another word' said he. 'Come along with me. We mustn't lose a minute.'

So saying, the old gentleman dragged him back into Oxford Street, and hailing an omnibus on its way to the

CHAPTER 35. Smike becomes known to Mrs Nickleby and Kate. Nicholas also meets with new Acquaintances. Brighter Days seem to dawn upon the Family 308

As he appeared in a most extraordinary condition of restless excitement, and whenever Nicholas offered to

speak, immediately interposed with: 'Don't say another word, my dear sir, on any accountnot another

word,' the young man thought it better to attempt no further interruption. Into the city they journeyed

accordingly, without interchanging any conversation; and the farther they went, the more Nicholas wondered

The old gentleman got out, with great alacrity, when they reached the Bank, and once more taking Nicholas

by the arm, hurried him along Threadneedle Street, and through some lanes and passages on the right, until

they, at length, emerged in a quiet shady little square. Into the oldest and cleanestlooking house of business

in the square, he led the way. The only inscription on the doorpost was 'Cheeryble, Brothers;' but from a

hasty glance at the directions of some packages which were lying about, Nicholas supposed that the brothers

Passing through a warehouse which presented every indication of a thriving business, Mr Cheeryble (for such

Nicholas supposed him to be, from the respect which had been shown him by the warehousemen and porters

whom they passed) led him into a little partitionedoff countinghouse like a large glass case, in which

countinghouse there satas free from dust and blemish as if he had been fixed into the glass case before

the top was put on, and had never come out sincea fat, elderly, largefaced clerk, with silver spectacles

'Is my brother in his room, Tim?' said Mr Cheeryble, with no less kindness of manner than he had shown to

'Yes, he is, sir,' replied the fat clerk, turning his spectacle glasses towards his principal, and his eyes towards

'He is getting up a subscription for the widow and family of a man who was killed in the East India Docks

'He is a good creature,' said Mr Cheeryble, with great earnestness. 'He is a kind soul. I am very much obliged

to Trimmers. Trimmers is one of the best friends we have. He makes a thousand cases known to us that we

should never discover of ourselves. I am VERY much obliged to Trimmers.' Saying which, Mr Cheeryble

rubbed his hands with infinite delight, and Mr Trimmers happening to pass the door that instant, on his way

'I owe you a thousand thanks, Trimmers, ten thousand thanks. I take it very friendly of you, very friendly

indeed,' said Mr Cheeryble, dragging him into a corner to get out of hearing. 'How many children are there,

'There are six children,' replied the gentleman, 'and your brother has given us twenty pounds.'

'My brother Ned is a good fellow, and you're a good fellow too, Trimmers,' said the old man, shaking him by

both hands with trembling eagerness. 'Put me down for another twentyorstop a minute, stop a minute.

We mustn't look ostentatious; put me down ten pound, and Tim Linkinwater ten pound. A cheque for twenty

pound for Mr Trimmers, Tim. God bless you, Trimmersand come and dine with us some day this week;

you'll always find a knife and fork, and we shall be delighted. Now, my dear sircheque from Mr

Linkinwater, Tim. Smashed by a cask of sugar, and six poor childrenoh dear, dear, dear!'

Talking on in this strain, as fast as he could, to prevent any friendly remonstrances from the collector of the

CHAPTER 35. Smike becomes known to Mrs Nickleby and Kate. Nicholas also meets with new Acquaintances. Brighter Days seem to dawn upon the Family 309

subscription on the large amount of his donation, Mr Cheeryble led Nicholas, equally astonished and affected

by what he had seen and heard in this short space, to the halfopened door of another room.

'Brother Ned,' said Mr Cheeryble, tapping with his knuckles, and stooping to listen, 'are you busy, my dear

'Brother Charles, my dear fellow,' replied a voice from the inside, so like in its tones to that which had just

spoken, that Nicholas started, and almost thought it was the same, 'don't ask me such a question, but come in

They went in, without further parley. What was the amazement of Nicholas when his conductor advanced,

and exchanged a warm greeting with another old gentleman, the very type and model of himselfthe same

face, the same figure, the same coat, waistcoat, and neckcloth, the same breeches and gaitersnay, there was

As they shook each other by the hand: the face of each lighted up by beaming looks of affection, which

would have been most delightful to behold in infants, and which, in men so old, was inexpressibly touching:

Nicholas could observe that the last old gentleman was something stouter than his brother; this, and a slight

additional shade of clumsiness in his gait and stature, formed the only perceptible difference between them.

'Brother Ned,' said Nicholas's friend, closing the roomdoor, 'here is a young friend of mine whom we must

assist. We must make proper inquiries into his statements, in justice to him as well as to ourselves, and if they

are confirmedas I feel assured they will bewe must assist him, we must assist him, brother Ned.'

'It is enough, my dear brother, that you say we should,' returned the other. 'When you say that, no further

inquiries are needed. He SHALL be assisted. What are his necessities, and what does he require? Where is

Both the brothers, it may be here remarked, had a very emphatic and earnest delivery; both had lost nearly the

same teeth, which imparted the same peculiarity to their speech; and both spoke as if, besides possessing the

utmost serenity of mind that the kindliest and most unsuspecting nature could bestow, they had, in collecting

the plums from Fortune's choicest pudding, retained a few for present use, and kept them in their mouths.

'Stop, stop, stop!' said brother Charles, taking the other aside. 'I've a plan, my dear brother, I've a plan. Tim is

getting old, and Tim has been a faithful servant, brother Ned; and I don't think pensioning Tim's mother and

sister, and buying a little tomb for the family when his poor brother died, was a sufficient recompense for his

'If we could lighten Tim's duties,' said the old gentleman, 'and prevail upon him to go into the country, now

and then, and sleep in the fresh air, besides, two or three times a week (which he could, if he began business

an hour later in the morning), old Tim Linkinwater would grow young again in time; and he's three good

years our senior now. Old Tim Linkinwater young again! Eh, brother Ned, eh? Why, I recollect old Tim

And the fine old fellows laughed pleasantly together: each with a tear of regard for old Tim Linkinwater

CHAPTER 35. Smike becomes known to Mrs Nickleby and Kate. Nicholas also meets with new Acquaintances. Brighter Days seem to dawn upon the Family 310

'But hear this firsthear this first, brother Ned,' said the old man, hastily, placing two chairs, one on each

side of Nicholas: 'I'll tell it you myself, brother Ned, because the young gentleman is modest, and is a scholar,

Ned, and I shouldn't feel it right that he should tell us his story over and over again as if he was a beggar, or

'No, no, no,' returned the other, nodding his head gravely. 'Very right, my dear brother, very right.'

'He will tell me I'm wrong, if I make a mistake,' said Nicholas's friend. 'But whether I do or not, you'll be very

much affected, brother Ned, remembering the time when we were two friendless lads, and earned our first

The twins pressed each other's hands in silence; and in his own homely manner, brother Charles related the

particulars he had heard from Nicholas. The conversation which ensued was a long one, and when it was

over, a secret conference of almost equal duration took place between brother Ned and Tim Linkinwater in

another room. It is no disparagement to Nicholas to say, that before he had been closeted with the two

brothers ten minutes, he could only wave his hand at every fresh expression of kindness and sympathy, and

At length brother Ned and Tim Linkinwater came back together, when Tim instantly walked up to Nicholas

and whispered in his ear in a very brief sentence (for Tim was ordinarily a man of few words), that he had

taken down the address in the Strand, and would call upon him that evening, at eight. Having done which,

Tim wiped his spectacles and put them on, preparatory to hearing what more the brothers Cheeryble had got

'Tim,' said brother Charles, 'you understand that we have an intention of taking this young gentleman into the

Brother Ned remarked that Tim was aware of that intention, and quite approved of it; and Tim having

nodded, and said he did, drew himself up and looked particularly fat, and very important. After which, there

'I'm not coming an hour later in the morning, you know,' said Tim, breaking out all at once, and looking very

resolute. 'I'm not going to sleep in the fresh air; no, nor I'm not going into the country either. A pretty thing at

'Damn your obstinacy, Tim Linkinwater,' said brother Charles, looking at him without the faintest spark of

anger, and with a countenance radiant with attachment to the old clerk. 'Damn your obstinacy, Tim

'It's fortyfour year,' said Tim, making a calculation in the air with his pen, and drawing an imaginary line

before he cast it up, 'fortyfour year, next May, since I first kept the books of Cheeryble, Brothers. I've

opened the safe every morning all that time (Sundays excepted) as the clock struck nine, and gone over the

house every night at halfpast ten (except on Foreign Post nights, and then twenty minutes before twelve) to

see the doors fastened, and the fires out. I've never slept out of the backattic one single night. There's the

same mignonette box in the middle of the window, and the same four flowerpots, two on each side, that I

brought with me when I first came. There an'tI've said it again and again, and I'll maintain itthere an't

such a square as this in the world. I KNOW there an't,' said Tim, with sudden energy, and looking sternly

about him. 'Not one. For business or pleasure, in summertime or winterI don't care whichthere's

nothing like it. There's not such a spring in England as the pump under the archway. There's not such a view

in England as the view out of my window; I've seen it every morning before I shaved, and I ought to know

something about it. I have slept in that room,' added Tim, sinking his voice a little, 'for fourandforty year;

CHAPTER 35. Smike becomes known to Mrs Nickleby and Kate. Nicholas also meets with new Acquaintances. Brighter Days seem to dawn upon the Family 311

and if it wasn't inconvenient, and didn't interfere with business, I should request leave to die there.'

'Damn you, Tim Linkinwater, how dare you talk about dying?' roared the twins by one impulse, and blowing

'That's what I've got to say, Mr Edwin and Mr Charles,' said Tim, squaring his shoulders again. 'This isn't the

first time you've talked about superannuating me; but, if you please, we'll make it the last, and drop the

With these words, Tim Linkinwater stalked out, and shut himself up in his glass case, with the air of a man

The brothers interchanged looks, and coughed some halfdozen times without speaking.

'He must be done something with, brother Ned,' said the other, warmly; 'we must disregard his old scruples;

they can't be tolerated, or borne. He must be made a partner, brother Ned; and if he won't submit to it

'Quite right,' replied brother Ned, nodding his head as a man thoroughly determined; 'quite right, my dear

brother. If he won't listen to reason, we must do it against his will, and show him that we are determined to

'We must. We certainly must have a quarrel with Tim Linkinwater,' said the other. 'But in the meantime, my

dear brother, we are keeping our young friend; and the poor lady and her daughter will be anxious for his

return. So let us say goodbye for the present, and there, theretake care of that box, my dear

And with any disjointed and unconnected words which would prevent Nicholas from pouring forth his

thanks, the brothers hurried him out: shaking hands with him all the way, and affecting very

unsuccessfullythey were poor hands at deception!to be wholly unconscious of the feelings that

Nicholas's heart was too full to allow of his turning into the street until he had recovered some composure.

When he at last glided out of the dark doorway corner in which he had been compelled to halt, he caught a

glimpse of the twins stealthily peeping in at one corner of the glass case, evidently undecided whether they

should follow up their late attack without delay, or for the present postpone laying further siege to the

To recount all the delight and wonder which the circumstances just detailed awakened at Miss La Creevy's,

and all the things that were done, said, thought, expected, hoped, and prophesied in consequence, is beside

the present course and purpose of these adventures. It is sufficient to state, in brief, that Mr Timothy

Linkinwater arrived, punctual to his appointment; that, oddity as he was, and jealous, as he was bound to be,

of the proper exercise of his employers' most comprehensive liberality, he reported strongly and warmly in

favour of Nicholas; and that, next day, he was appointed to the vacant stool in the countinghouse of

Cheeryble, Brothers, with a present salary of one hundred and twenty pounds a year.

'And I think, my dear brother,' said Nicholas's first friend, 'that if we were to let them that little cottage at

'For nothing at all,' said brother Ned. 'We are rich, and should be ashamed to touch the rent under such

circumstances as these. Where is Tim Linkinwater?for nothing at all, my dear brother, for nothing at all.'

CHAPTER 35. Smike becomes known to Mrs Nickleby and Kate. Nicholas also meets with new Acquaintances. Brighter Days seem to dawn upon the Family 312

'Perhaps it would be better to say something, brother Ned,' suggested the other, mildly; 'it would help to

preserve habits of frugality, you know, and remove any painful sense of overwhelming obligations. We might

say fifteen pound, or twenty pound, and if it was punctually paid, make it up to them in some other way. And

I might secretly advance a small loan towards a little furniture, and you might secretly advance another small

loan, brother Ned; and if we find them doing wellas we shall; there's no fear, no fearwe can change the

loans into gifts. Carefully, brother Ned, and by degrees, and without pressing upon them too much; what do

Brother Ned gave his hand upon it, and not only said it should be done, but had it done too; and, in one short

week, Nicholas took possession of the stool, and Mrs Nickleby and Kate took possession of the house, and all

There surely never was such a week of discoveries and surprises as the first week of that cottage. Every night

when Nicholas came home, something new had been found out. One day it was a grapevine, and another day

it was a boiler, and another day it was the key of the frontparlour closet at the bottom of the waterbutt, and

so on through a hundred items. Then, this room was embellished with a muslin curtain, and that room was

rendered quite elegant by a windowblind, and such improvements were made, as no one would have

supposed possible. Then there was Miss La Creevy, who had come out in the omnibus to stop a day or two

and help, and who was perpetually losing a very small brownpaper parcel of tin tacks and a very large

hammer, and running about with her sleeves tucked up at the wrists, and falling off pairs of steps and hurting

herself very muchand Mrs Nickleby, who talked incessantly, and did something now and then, but not

oftenand Kate, who busied herself noiselessly everywhere, and was pleased with everythingand Smike,

who made the garden a perfect wonder to look uponand Nicholas, who helped and encouraged them every

oneall the peace and cheerfulness of home restored, with such new zest imparted to every frugal pleasure,

and such delight to every hour of meeting, as misfortune and separation alone could give!

In short, the poor Nicklebys were social and happy; while the rich Nickleby was alone and miserable.

It might have been seven o'clock in the evening, and it was growing dark in the narrow streets near Golden

Square, when Mr Kenwigs sent out for a pair of the cheapest white kid glovesthose at fourteen

penceand selecting the strongest, which happened to be the right hand one, walked downstairs with an air

of pomp and much excitement, and proceeded to muffle the knob of the streetdoor knocker therein. Having

executed this task with great nicety, Mr Kenwigs pulled the door to, after him, and just stepped across the

road to try the effect from the opposite side of the street. Satisfied that nothing could possibly look better in

its way, Mr Kenwigs then stepped back again, and calling through the keyhole to Morleena to open the door,

Now, considered as an abstract circumstance, there was no more obvious cause or reason why Mr Kenwigs

should take the trouble of muffling this particular knocker, than there would have been for his muffling the

knocker of any nobleman or gentleman resident ten miles off; because, for the greater convenience of the

numerous lodgers, the streetdoor always stood wide open, and the knocker was never used at all. The first

floor, the second floor, and the third floor, had each a bell of its own. As to the attics, no one ever called on

them; if anybody wanted the parlours, they were close at hand, and all he had to do was to walk straight into

them; while the kitchen had a separate entrance down the area steps. As a question of mere necessity and

usefulness, therefore, this muffling of the knocker was thoroughly incomprehensible.

CHAPTER 36. Private and confidential; relating to Family Matters. Showing how Mr Kenwigs underwent violent Agitation, and how Mrs Kenwigs was as well as could be expected 313

But knockers may be muffled for other purposes than those of mere utilitarianism, as, in the present instance,

was clearly shown. There are certain polite forms and ceremonies which must be observed in civilised life, or

mankind relapse into their original barbarism. No genteel lady was ever yet confinedindeed, no genteel

confinement can possibly take placewithout the accompanying symbol of a muffled knocker. Mrs Kenwigs

was a lady of some pretensions to gentility; Mrs Kenwigs was confined. And, therefore, Mr Kenwigs tied up

'I'm not quite certain neither,' said Mr Kenwigs, arranging his shirtcollar, and walking slowly upstairs,

Pondering upon the advisability of this step, and the sensation it was likely to create in the neighbourhood,

Mr Kenwigs betook himself to the sittingroom, where various extremely diminutive articles of clothing

were airing on a horse before the fire, and Mr Lumbey, the doctor, was dandling the babythat is, the old

'It's the finest boy I ever saw in all my life,' said the doctor. 'I never saw such a baby.'

It is a pleasant thing to reflect upon, and furnishes a complete answer to those who contend for the gradual

degeneration of the human species, that every baby born into the world is a finer one than the last.

'Morleena was a fine baby,' remarked Mr Kenwigs; as if this were rather an attack, by implication, upon the

'They were all fine babies,' said Mr Lumbey. And Mr Lumbey went on nursing the baby with a thoughtful

look. Whether he was considering under what head he could best charge the nursing in the bill, was best

During this short conversation, Miss Morleena, as the eldest of the family, and natural representative of her

mother during her indisposition, had been hustling and slapping the three younger Miss Kenwigses, without

intermission; which considerate and affectionate conduct brought tears into the eyes of Mr Kenwigs, and

caused him to declare that, in understanding and behaviour, that child was a woman.

'She will be a treasure to the man she marries, sir,' said Mr Kenwigs, half aside; 'I think she'll marry above her

'Ay!' said Mr Kenwigs, as though he pitied him from his heart, 'then you don't know what she's capable of.'

All this time there had been a great whisking in and out of the other room; the door had been opened and shut

very softly about twenty times a minute (for it was necessary to keep Mrs Kenwigs quiet); and the baby had

CHAPTER 36. Private and confidential; relating to Family Matters. Showing how Mr Kenwigs underwent violent Agitation, and how Mrs Kenwigs was as well as could be expected 314

been exhibited to a score or two of deputations from a select body of female friends, who had assembled in

the passage, and about the streetdoor, to discuss the event in all its bearings. Indeed, the excitement

extended itself over the whole street, and groups of ladies might be seen standing at the doors, (some in the

interesting condition in which Mrs Kenwigs had last appeared in public,) relating their experiences of similar

occurrences. Some few acquired great credit from having prophesied, the day before yesterday, exactly when

it would come to pass; others, again, related, how that they guessed what it was, directly they saw Mr

Kenwigs turn pale and run up the street as hard as ever he could go. Some said one thing, and some another;

but all talked together, and all agreed upon two points: first, that it was very meritorious and highly

praiseworthy in Mrs Kenwigs to do as she had done: and secondly, that there never was such a skilful and

In the midst of this general hubbub, Dr Lumbey sat in the first floor front, as before related, nursing the

deposed baby, and talking to Mr Kenwigs. He was a stout blufflooking gentleman, with no shirtcollar to

speak of, and a beard that had been growing since yesterday morning; for Dr Lumbey was popular, and the

neighbourhood was prolific; and there had been no less than three other knockers muffled, one after the other

'Well, Mr Kenwigs,' said Dr Lumbey, 'this makes six. You'll have a fine family in time, sir.'

With this, the doctor laughed; but he didn't laugh half as much as a married friend of Mrs Kenwigs's, who had

just come in from the sick chamber to report progress, and take a small sip of brandyand water: and who

'They're not altogether dependent upon good fortune, neither,' said Mr Kenwigs, taking his second daughter

'Why, ma'am,' said Mr Kenwigs, 'it's not exactly for me to say what they may be, or what they may not be. It's

not for me to boast of any family with which I have the honour to be connected; at the same time, Mrs

Kenwigs's isI should say,' said Mr Kenwigs, abruptly, and raising his voice as he spoke, 'that my children

might come into a matter of a hundred pound apiece, perhaps. Perhaps more, but certainly that.'

'There are some relations of Mrs Kenwigs's,' said Mr Kenwigs, taking a pinch of snuff from the doctor's box,

and then sneezing very hard, for he wasn't used to it, 'that might leave their hundred pound apiece to ten

'I made mention of no names, and I wish to make mention of no names,' said Mr Kenwigs, with a portentous

look. 'Many of my friends have met a relation of Mrs Kenwigs's in this very room, as would do honour to any

CHAPTER 36. Private and confidential; relating to Family Matters. Showing how Mr Kenwigs underwent violent Agitation, and how Mrs Kenwigs was as well as could be expected 315

'It's naterally very gratifying to my feelings as a father, to see such a man as that, a kissing and taking notice

of my children,' pursued Mr Kenwigs. 'It's naterally very gratifying to my feelings as a man, to know that

man. It will be naterally very gratifying to my feelings as a husband, to make that man acquainted with this

Having delivered his sentiments in this form of words, Mr Kenwigs arranged his second daughter's flaxen

'That girl grows more like her mother every day,' said Mr Lumbey, suddenly stricken with an enthusiastic

'There!' rejoined the married lady. 'What I always say; what I always did say! She's the very picter of her.'

Having thus directed the general attention to the young lady in question, the married lady embraced the

opportunity of taking another sip of the brandy andwaterand a pretty long sip too.

'Yes! there is a likeness,' said Mr Kenwigs, after some reflection. 'But such a woman as Mrs Kenwigs was,

Mr Lumbey shook his head with great solemnity, as though to imply that he supposed she must have been

'Talk of fairies!' cried Mr Kenwigs 'I never see anybody so light to be alive, never. Such manners too; so

playful, and yet so sewerely proper! As for her figure! It isn't generally known,' said Mr Kenwigs, dropping

his voice; 'but her figure was such, at that time, that the sign of the Britannia, over in the Holloway Road, was

'But only see what it is now,' urged the married lady. 'Does SHE look like the mother of six?'

Mr Kenwigs was about to make some further observations, most probably in confirmation of this opinion,

when another married lady, who had looked in to keep up Mrs Kenwigs's spirits, and help to clear off

anything in the eating and drinking way that might be going about, put in her head to announce that she had

just been down to answer the bell, and that there was a gentleman at the door who wanted to see Mr Kenwigs

Shadowy visions of his distinguished relation flitted through the brain of Mr Kenwigs, as this message was

delivered; and under their influence, he dispatched Morleena to show the gentleman up straightway.

'Why, I do declare,' said Mr Kenwigs, standing opposite the door so as to get the earliest glimpse of the

Nicholas shook hands, kissed his old pupils all round, intrusted a large parcel of toys to the guardianship of

Morleena, bowed to the doctor and the married ladies, and inquired after Mrs Kenwigs in a tone of interest,

which went to the very heart and soul of the nurse, who had come in to warm some mysterious compound, in

CHAPTER 36. Private and confidential; relating to Family Matters. Showing how Mr Kenwigs underwent violent Agitation, and how Mrs Kenwigs was as well as could be expected 316

'I ought to make a hundred apologies to you for calling at such a season,' said Nicholas, 'but I was not aware

of it until I had rung the bell, and my time is so fully occupied now, that I feared it might be some days before

'No time like the present, sir,' said Mr Kenwigs. 'The sitiwation of Mrs Kenwigs, sir, is no obstacle to a little

At this juncture, proclamation was made by another married lady, that the baby had begun to eat like

anything; whereupon the two married ladies, already mentioned, rushed tumultuously into the bedroom to

'The fact is,' resumed Nicholas, 'that before I left the country, where I have been for some time past, I

'And I have been,' added Nicholas, 'already in town for some days, without having had an opportunity of

'It's no matter, sir,' said Mr Kenwigs. 'I dare say it's none the worse for keeping cold. Message from the

country!' said Mr Kenwigs, ruminating; 'that's curious. I don't know anybody in the country.'

'Oh! from her, is it?' said Mr Kenwigs. 'Oh dear, yes. Ah! Mrs Kenwigs will be glad to hear from her.

Henrietta Petowker, eh? How odd things come about, now! That you should have met her in the country!

Hearing this mention of their old friend's name, the four Miss Kenwigses gathered round Nicholas, open eyed

and mouthed, to hear more. Mr Kenwigs looked a little curious too, but quite comfortable and unsuspecting.

'Oh, never mind,' said Kenwigs, glancing at Mr Lumbey, who, having rashly taken charge of little Lillyvick,

found nobody disposed to relieve him of his precious burden. 'All friends here.'

Nicholas hemmed once or twice, and seemed to have some difficulty in proceeding.

Mr Kenwigs turned pale, but he recovered, and said, THAT was an odd coincidence also.

Mr Kenwigs appeared to revive. He knew that his niece was in a delicate state, and had, no doubt, sent word

CHAPTER 36. Private and confidential; relating to Family Matters. Showing how Mr Kenwigs underwent violent Agitation, and how Mrs Kenwigs was as well as could be expected 317

that they were to forward full particulars. Yes. That was very kind of him; so like him too!

'Very much obliged to him, I'm sure. Your greatuncle, Lillyvick, my dears!' interposed Mr Kenwigs,

'His kindest love,' resumed Nicholas; 'and to say that he had no time to write, but that he was married to Miss

Mr Kenwigs started from his seat with a petrified stare, caught his second daughter by her flaxen tail, and

covered his face with his pockethandkerchief. Morleena fell, all stiff and rigid, into the baby's chair, as she

had seen her mother fall when she fainted away, and the two remaining little Kenwigses shrieked in affright.

'My children, my defrauded, swindled infants!' cried Mr Kenwigs, pulling so hard, in his vehemence, at the

flaxen tail of his second daughter, that he lifted her up on tiptoe, and kept her, for some seconds, in that

'Drat the man!' cried the nurse, looking angrily around. 'What does he mean by making that noise here?'

'I won't be silent,' returned the nurse. 'Be silent yourself, you wretch. Have you no regard for your baby?'

'Let him die,' cried Mr Kenwigs, in the torrent of his wrath. 'Let him die! He has no expectations, no property

to come into. We want no babies here,' said Mr Kenwigs recklessly. 'Take 'em away, take 'em away to the

With these awful remarks, Mr Kenwigs sat himself down in a chair, and defied the nurse, who made the best

of her way into the adjoining room, and returned with a stream of matrons: declaring that Mr Kenwigs had

Appearances were certainly not in Mr Kenwigs's favour, for the exertion of speaking with so much

vehemence, and yet in such a tone as should prevent his lamentations reaching the ears of Mrs Kenwigs, had

made him very black in the face; besides which, the excitement of the occasion, and an unwonted indulgence

in various strong cordials to celebrate it, had swollen and dilated his features to a most unusual extent. But,

Nicholas and the doctorwho had been passive at first, doubting very much whether Mr Kenwigs could be

in earnestinterfering to explain the immediate cause of his condition, the indignation of the matrons was

changed to pity, and they implored him, with much feeling, to go quietly to bed.

'The attention,' said Mr Kenwigs, looking around with a plaintive air, 'the attention that I've shown to that

man! The hyseters he has eat, and the pints of ale he has drank, in this house!'

'It's very trying, and very hard to bear, we know,' said one of the married ladies; 'but think of your dear

'Oh yes, and what she's been a undergoing of, only this day,' cried a great many voices. 'There's a good man,

CHAPTER 36. Private and confidential; relating to Family Matters. Showing how Mr Kenwigs underwent violent Agitation, and how Mrs Kenwigs was as well as could be expected 318

'The presents that have been made to him,' said Mr Kenwigs, reverting to his calamity, 'the pipes, the

'Ah! it won't bear thinking of, indeed,' cried the matrons generally; 'but it'll all come home to him, never fear.'

Mr Kenwigs looked darkly upon the ladies, as if he would prefer its all coming home to HIM, as there was

nothing to be got by it; but he said nothing, and resting his head upon his hand, subsided into a kind of doze.

Then, the matrons again expatiated on the expediency of taking the good gentleman to bed; observing that he

would be better tomorrow, and that they knew what was the wear and tear of some men's minds when their

wives were taken as Mrs Kenwigs had been that day, and that it did him great credit, and there was nothing to

be ashamed of in it; far from it; they liked to see it, they did, for it showed a good heart. And one lady

observed, as a case bearing upon the present, that her husband was often quite lightheaded from anxiety on

similar occasions, and that once, when her little Johnny was born, it was nearly a week before he came to

himself again, during the whole of which time he did nothing but cry 'Is it a boy, is it a boy?' in a manner

At length, Morleena (who quite forgot she had fainted, when she found she was not noticed) announced that a

chamber was ready for her afflicted parent; and Mr Kenwigs, having partially smothered his four daughters in

the closeness of his embrace, accepted the doctor's arm on one side, and the support of Nicholas on the other,

Having seen him sound asleep, and heard him snore most satisfactorily, and having further presided over the

distribution of the toys, to the perfect contentment of all the little Kenwigses, Nicholas took his leave. The

matrons dropped off one by one, with the exception of six or eight particular friends, who had determined to

stop all night; the lights in the houses gradually disappeared; the last bulletin was issued that Mrs Kenwigs

was as well as could be expected; and the whole family were left to their repose.

The square in which the countinghouse of the brothers Cheeryble was situated, although it might not wholly

realise the very sanguine expectations which a stranger would be disposed to form on hearing the fervent

encomiums bestowed upon it by Tim Linkinwater, was, nevertheless, a sufficiently desirable nook in the

heart of a busy town like London, and one which occupied a high place in the affectionate remembrances of

several grave persons domiciled in the neighbourhood, whose recollections, however, dated from a much

more recent period, and whose attachment to the spot was far less absorbing, than were the recollections and

And let not those whose eyes have been accustomed to the aristocratic gravity of Grosvenor Square and

Hanover Square, the dowager barrenness and frigidity of Fitzroy Square, or the gravel walks and garden seats

of the Squares of Russell and Euston, suppose that the affections of Tim Linkinwater, or the inferior lovers of

this particular locality, had been awakened and kept alive by any refreshing associations with leaves, however

dingy, or grass, however bare and thin. The city square has no enclosure, save the lamppost in the middle:

and no grass, but the weeds which spring up round its base. It is a quiet, littlefrequented, retired spot,

favourable to melancholy and contemplation, and appointments of longwaiting; and up and down its every

side the Appointed saunters idly by the hour together wakening the echoes with the monotonous sound of his

footsteps on the smooth worn stones, and counting, first the windows, and then the very bricks of the tall

silent houses that hem him round about. In wintertime, the snow will linger there, long after it has melted

from the busy streets and highways. The summer's sun holds it in some respect, and while he darts his

cheerful rays sparingly into the square, keeps his fiery heat and glare for noisier and lessimposing precincts.

It is so quiet, that you can almost hear the ticking of your own watch when you stop to cool in its refreshing

atmosphere. There is a distant humof coaches, not of insectsbut no other sound disturbs the stillness of

the square. The ticket porter leans idly against the post at the corner: comfortably warm, but not hot, although

the day is broiling. His white apron flaps languidly in the air, his head gradually droops upon his breast, he

takes very long winks with both eyes at once; even he is unable to withstand the soporific influence of the

place, and is gradually falling asleep. But now, he starts into full wakefulness, recoils a step or two, and gazes

out before him with eager wildness in his eye. Is it a job, or a boy at marbles? Does he see a ghost, or hear an

organ? No; sight more unwonted stillthere is a butterfly in the squarea real, live butterfly! astray from

flowers and sweets, and fluttering among the iron heads of the dusty area railings.

But if there were not many matters immediately without the doors of Cheeryble Brothers, to engage the

attention or distract the thoughts of the young clerk, there were not a few within, to interest and amuse him.

There was scarcely an object in the place, animate or inanimate, which did not partake in some degree of the

scrupulous method and punctuality of Mr Timothy Linkinwater. Punctual as the countinghouse dial, which

he maintained to be the best timekeeper in London next after the clock of some old, hidden, unknown

church hard by, (for Tim held the fabled goodness of that at the Horse Guards to be a pleasant fiction,

invented by jealous Westenders,) the old clerk performed the minutest actions of the day, and arranged the

minutest articles in the little room, in a precise and regular order, which could not have been exceeded if it

had actually been a real glass case, fitted with the choicest curiosities. Paper, pens, ink, ruler, sealingwax,

wafers, pouncebox, string box, firebox, Tim's hat, Tim's scrupulouslyfolded gloves, Tim's other

coatlooking precisely like a back view of himself as it hung against the wallall had their accustomed

inches of space. Except the clock, there was not such an accurate and unimpeachable instrument in existence

as the little thermometer which hung behind the door. There was not a bird of such methodical and

businesslike habits in all the world, as the blind blackbird, who dreamed and dozed away his days in a large

snug cage, and had lost his voice, from old age, years before Tim first bought him. There was not such an

eventful story in the whole range of anecdote, as Tim could tell concerning the acquisition of that very bird;

how, compassionating his starved and suffering condition, he had purchased him, with the view of humanely

terminating his wretched life; how he determined to wait three days and see whether the bird revived; how,

before half the time was out, the bird did revive; and how he went on reviving and picking up his appetite and

good looks until he gradually became what'what you see him now, sir,'Tim would say, glancing proudly

at the cage. And with that, Tim would utter a melodious chirrup, and cry 'Dick;' and Dick, who, for any sign

of life he had previously given, might have been a wooden or stuffed representation of a blackbird

indifferently executed, would come to the side of the cage in three small jumps, and, thrusting his bill

between the bars, turn his sightless head towards his old masterand at that moment it would be very

difficult to determine which of the two was the happier, the bird or Tim Linkinwater.

Nor was this all. Everything gave back, besides, some reflection of the kindly spirit of the brothers. The

warehousemen and porters were such sturdy, jolly fellows, that it was a treat to see them. Among the

shipping announcements and steampacket list's which decorated the countinghouse wall, were designs for

almshouses, statements of charities, and plans for new hospitals. A blunderbuss and two swords hung above

the chimneypiece, for the terror of evil doers, but the blunderbuss was rusty and shattered, and the swords

were broken and edgeless. Elsewhere, their open display in such a condition would have realised a smile; but,

there, it seemed as though even violent and offensive weapons partook of the reigning influence, and became

Such thoughts as these occurred to Nicholas very strongly, on the morning when he first took possession of

the vacant stool, and looked about him, more freely and at ease, than he had before enjoyed an opportunity of

doing. Perhaps they encouraged and stimulated him to exertion, for, during the next two weeks, all his spare

hours, late at night and early in the morning, were incessantly devoted to acquiring the mysteries of

bookkeeping and some other forms of mercantile account. To these, he applied himself with such steadiness

and perseverance that, although he brought no greater amount of previous knowledge to the subject than

certain dim recollections of two or three very long sums entered into a cipheringbook at school, and relieved

for parental inspection by the effigy of a fat swan tastefully flourished by the writingmaster's own hand, he

found himself, at the end of a fortnight, in a condition to report his proficiency to Mr Linkinwater, and to

claim his promise that he, Nicholas Nickleby, should now be allowed to assist him in his graver labours.

It was a sight to behold Tim Linkinwater slowly bring out a massive ledger and daybook, and, after turning

them over and over, and affectionately dusting their backs and sides, open the leaves here and there, and cast

'Fourandforty year, next May!' said Tim. 'Many new ledgers since then. Fourandforty year!'

Tim Linkinwater shook his head with an air of mild reproof. Mr Nickleby was not sufficiently impressed with

the deep and awful nature of his undertaking. Suppose there should be any mistakeany scratching out!

Young men are adventurous. It is extraordinary what they will rush upon, sometimes. Without even taking

the precaution of sitting himself down upon his stool, but standing leisurely at the desk, and with a smile

upon his faceactually a smilethere was no mistake about it; Mr Linkinwater often mentioned it

afterwardsNicholas dipped his pen into the inkstand before him, and plunged into the books of Cheeryble

Tim Linkinwater turned pale, and tilting up his stool on the two legs nearest Nicholas, looked over his

shoulder in breathless anxiety. Brother Charles and brother Ned entered the countinghouse together; but

Tim Linkinwater, without looking round, impatiently waved his hand as a caution that profound silence must

be observed, and followed the nib of the inexperienced pen with strained and eager eyes.

The brothers looked on with smiling faces, but Tim Linkinwater smiled not, nor moved for some minutes. At

length, he drew a long slow breath, and still maintaining his position on the tilted stool, glanced at brother

Charles, secretly pointed with the feather of his pen towards Nicholas, and nodded his head in a grave and

Brother Charles nodded again, and exchanged a laughing look with brother Ned; but, just then, Nicholas

stopped to refer to some other page, and Tim Linkinwater, unable to contain his satisfaction any longer,

'He has done it!' said Tim, looking round at his employers and shaking his head triumphantly. 'His capital B's

and D's are exactly like mine; he dots all his small i's and crosses every t as he writes it. There an't such a

young man as this in all London,' said Tim, clapping Nicholas on the back; 'not one. Don't tell me! The city

With this casting down of his gauntlet, Tim Linkinwater struck the desk such a blow with his clenched fist,

that the old blackbird tumbled off his perch with the start it gave him, and actually uttered a feeble croak, in

'Well said, Timwell said, Tim Linkinwater!' cried brother Charles, scarcely less pleased than Tim himself,

and clapping his hands gently as he spoke. 'I knew our young friend would take great pains, and I was quite

'You did, my dear brother; certainly, my dear brother, you said so, and you were quite right,' replied Ned.

'Quite right. Tim Linkinwater is excited, but he is justly excited, properly excited. Tim is a fine fellow. Tim

'Here's a pleasant thing to think of!' said Tim, wholly regardless of this address to himself, and raising his

spectacles from the ledger to the brothers. 'Here's a pleasant thing. Do you suppose I haven't often thought of

what would become of these books when I was gone? Do you suppose I haven't often thought that things

might go on irregular and untidy here, after I was taken away? But now,' said Tim, extending his forefinger

towards Nicholas, 'now, when I've shown him a little more, I'm satisfied. The business will go on, when I'm

dead, as well as it did when I was alivejust the same and I shall have the satisfaction of knowing that

there never were such booksnever were such books! No, nor never will be such booksas the books of

Having thus expressed his sentiments, Mr Linkinwater gave vent to a short laugh, indicative of defiance to

the cities of London and Westminster, and, turning again to his desk, quietly carried seventysix from the last

'Tim Linkinwater, sir,' said brother Charles; 'give me your hand, sir. This is your birthday. How dare you talk

about anything else till you have been wished many happy returns of the day, Tim Linkinwater? God bless

'My dear brother,' said the other, seizing Tim's disengaged fist, 'Tim Linkinwater looks ten years younger

'Brother Ned, my dear boy,' returned the other old fellow, 'I believe that Tim Linkinwater was born a hundred

and fifty years old, and is gradually coming down to fiveandtwenty; for he's younger every birthday than

'So he is, brother Charles, so he is,' replied brother Ned. 'There's not a doubt about it.'

'Remember, Tim,' said brother Charles, 'that we dine at halfpast five today instead of two o'clock; we always

depart from our usual custom on this anniversary, as you very well know, Tim Linkinwater. Mr Nickleby, my

dear sir, you will make one. Tim Linkinwater, give me your snuffbox as a remembrance to brother Charles

and myself of an attached and faithful rascal, and take that, in exchange, as a feeble mark of our respect and

esteem, and don't open it until you go to bed, and never say another word upon the subject, or I'll kill the

blackbird. A dog! He should have had a golden cage halfa dozen years ago, if it would have made him or

his master a bit the happier. Now, brother Ned, my dear fellow, I'm ready. At halfpast five, remember, Mr

Nickleby! Tim Linkinwater, sir, take care of Mr Nickleby at halfpast five. Now, brother Ned.'

Chattering away thus, according to custom, to prevent the possibility of any thanks or acknowledgment being

expressed on the other side, the twins trotted off, arminarm; having endowed Tim Linkinwater with a

costly gold snuffbox, enclosing a bank note worth more than its value ten times told.

At a quarter past five o'clock, punctual to the minute, arrived, according to annual usage, Tim Linkinwater's

sister; and a great to do there was, between Tim Linkinwater's sister and the old housekeeper, respecting

Tim Linkinwater's sister's cap, which had been dispatched, per boy, from the house of the family where Tim

Linkinwater's sister boarded, and had not yet come to hand: notwithstanding that it had been packed up in a

bandbox, and the bandbox in a handkerchief, and the handkerchief tied on to the boy's arm; and

notwithstanding, too, that the place of its consignment had been duly set forth, at full length, on the back of

an old letter, and the boy enjoined, under pain of divers horrible penalties, the full extent of which the eye of

man could not foresee, to deliver the same with all possible speed, and not to loiter by the way. Tim

Linkinwater's sister lamented; the housekeeper condoled; and both kept thrusting their heads out of the

secondfloor window to see if the boy was 'coming'which would have been highly satisfactory, and, upon

the whole, tantamount to his being come, as the distance to the corner was not quite five yardswhen, all of

a sudden, and when he was least expected, the messenger, carrying the bandbox with elaborate caution,

appeared in an exactly opposite direction, puffing and panting for breath, and flushed with recent exercise; as

well he might be; for he had taken the air, in the first instance, behind a hackney coach that went to

Camberwell, and had followed two Punches afterwards and had seen the Stilts home to their own door. The

cap was all safe, howeverthat was one comfortand it was no use scolding himthat was another; so the

boy went upon his way rejoicing, and Tim Linkinwater's sister presented herself to the company

belowstairs, just five minutes after the halfhour had struck by Tim Linkinwater's own infallible clock.

The company consisted of the brothers Cheeryble, Tim Linkinwater, a ruddyfaced whiteheaded friend of

Tim's (who was a superannuated bank clerk), and Nicholas, who was presented to Tim Linkinwater's sister

with much gravity and solemnity. The party being now completed, brother Ned rang for dinner, and, dinner

being shortly afterwards announced, led Tim Linkinwater's sister into the next room, where it was set forth

with great preparation. Then, brother Ned took the head of the table, and brother Charles the foot; and Tim

Linkinwater's sister sat on the left hand of brother Ned, and Tim Linkinwater himself on his right: and an

ancient butler of apoplectic appearance, and with very short legs, took up his position at the back of brother

Ned's armchair, and, waving his right arm preparatory to taking off the covers with a flourish, stood bolt

Whereupon the apoplectic butler whisked off the top of the soup tureen, and shot, all at once, into a state of

There was abundance of conversation, and little fear of its ever flagging, for the goodhumour of the glorious

old twins drew everybody out, and Tim Linkinwater's sister went off into a long and circumstantial account

of Tim Linkinwater's infancy, immediately after the very first glass of champagnetaking care to premise

that she was very much Tim's junior, and had only become acquainted with the facts from their being

preserved and handed down in the family. This history concluded, brother Ned related how that, exactly

thirtyfive years ago, Tim Linkinwater was suspected to have received a loveletter, and how that vague

information had been brought to the countinghouse of his having been seen walking down Cheapside with

an uncommonly handsome spinster; at which there was a roar of laughter, and Tim Linkinwater being

charged with blushing, and called upon to explain, denied that the accusation was true; and further, that there

would have been any harm in it if it had been; which last position occasioned the superannuated bank clerk to

laugh tremendously, and to declare that it was the very best thing he had ever heard in his life, and that Tim

Linkinwater might say a great many things before he said anything which would beat THAT.

There was one little ceremony peculiar to the day, both the matter and manner of which made a very strong

impression upon Nicholas. The cloth having been removed and the decanters sent round for the first time, a

profound silence succeeded, and in the cheerful faces of the brothers there appeared an expression, not of

absolute melancholy, but of quiet thoughtfulness very unusual at a festive table. As Nicholas, struck by this

sudden alteration, was wondering what it could portend, the brothers rose together, and the one at the top of

the table leaning forward towards the other, and speaking in a low voice as if he were addressing him

'Brother Charles, my dear fellow, there is another association connected with this day which must never be

forgotten, and never can be forgotten, by you and me. This day, which brought into the world a most faithful

and excellent and exemplary fellow, took from it the kindest and very best of parents, the very best of parents

to us both. I wish that she could have seen us in our prosperity, and shared it, and had the happiness of

knowing how dearly we loved her in it, as we did when we were two poor boys; but that was not to be. My

'Good Lord!' thought Nicholas, 'and there are scores of people of their own station, knowing all this, and

twenty thousand times more, who wouldn't ask these men to dinner because they eat with their knives and

But there was no time to moralise, for the joviality again became very brisk, and the decanter of port being

nearly out, brother Ned pulled the bell, which was instantly answered by the apoplectic butler.

Instantly, by a feat of dexterity, which was the admiration of all the company, and had been, annually, for

some years past, the apoplectic butler, bringing his left hand from behind the small of his back, produced the

bottle with the corkscrew already inserted; uncorked it at a jerk; and placed the magnum and the cork before

'Ha!' said brother Ned, first examining the cork and afterwards filling his glass, while the old butler looked

complacently and amiably on, as if it were all his own property, but the company were quite welcome to

'It ought to, sir,' replied David. 'You'd be troubled to find such a glass of wine as is our doublediamond, and

that Mr Linkinwater knows very well. That was laid down when Mr Linkinwater first come: that wine was,

'I wrote the entry in the cellarbook myself, sir, if you please,' said David, in the tone of a man, quite

confident in the strength of his facts. 'Mr Linkinwater had only been here twenty year, sir, when that pipe of

'David is quite right, quite right, brother Charles," said Ned: 'are the people here, David?'

At this bidding, the older butler placed before his master a small tray of clean glasses, and opening the door

admitted the jolly porters and warehousemen whom Nicholas had seen below. They were four in all, and as

they came in, bowing, and grinning, and blushing, the housekeeper, and cook, and housemaid, brought up the

'Seven,' said brother Ned, filling a corresponding number of glasses with the doublediamond, 'and David,

eight. There! Now, you're all of you to drink the health of your best friend Mr Timothy Linkinwater, and wish

him health and long life and many happy returns of this day, both for his own sake and that of your old

masters, who consider him an inestimable treasure. Tim Linkinwater, sir, your health. Devil take you, Tim

With this singular contradiction of terms, brother Ned gave Tim Linkinwater a slap on the back, which made

him look, for the moment, almost as apoplectic as the butler: and tossed off the contents of his glass in a

The toast was scarcely drunk with all honour to Tim Linkinwater, when the sturdiest and jolliest subordinate

elbowed himself a little in advance of his fellows, and exhibiting a very hot and flushed countenance, pulled a

single lock of grey hair in the middle of his forehead as a respectful salute to the company, and delivered

himself as followsrubbing the palms of his hands very hard on a blue cotton handkerchief as he did so:

'We're allowed to take a liberty once a year, gen'lemen, and if you please we'll take it now; there being no

time like the present, and no two birds in the hand worth one in the bush, as is well known leastways in a

contrairy sense, which the meaning is the same. (A pausethe butler unconvinced.) What we mean to say is,

that there never was (looking at the butler)such(looking at the cook) nobleexcellent(looking

everywhere and seeing nobody) free, generousspirited masters as them as has treated us so handsome this

day. And here's thanking of 'em for all their goodness as is so constancy a diffusing of itself over everywhere,

When the foregoing speech was overand it might have been much more elegant and much less to the

purposethe whole body of subordinates under command of the apoplectic butler gave three soft cheers;

which, to that gentleman's great indignation, were not very regular, inasmuch as the women persisted in

giving an immense number of little shrill hurrahs among themselves, in utter disregard of the time. This done,

they withdrew; shortly afterwards, Tim Linkinwater's sister withdrew; in reasonable time after that, the sitting

At halfpast tenlate hours for the squarethere appeared a little tray of sandwiches and a bowl of bishop,

which bishop coming on the top of the doublediamond, and other excitements, had such an effect upon Tim

Linkinwater, that he drew Nicholas aside, and gave him to understand, confidentially, that it was quite true

about the uncommonly handsome spinster, and that she was to the full as good looking as she had been

describedmore so, indeedbut that she was in too much of a hurry to change her condition, and

consequently, while Tim was courting her and thinking of changing his, got married to somebody else. 'After

all, I dare say it was my fault,' said Tim. 'I'll show you a print I have got upstairs, one of these days. It cost me

fiveandtwenty shillings. I bought it soon after we were cool to each other. Don't mention it, but it's the

By this time it was past eleven o'clock; and Tim Linkinwater's sister declaring that she ought to have been at

home a full hour ago, a coach was procured, into which she was handed with great ceremony by brother Ned,

while brother Charles imparted the fullest directions to the coachman, and besides paying the man a shilling

over and above his fare, in order that he might take the utmost care of the lady, all but choked him with a

glass of spirits of uncommon strength, and then nearly knocked all the breath out of his body in his energetic

At length the coach rumbled off, and Tim Linkinwater's sister being now fairly on her way home, Nicholas

and Tim Linkinwater's friend took their leaves together, and left old Tim and the worthy brothers to their

As Nicholas had some distance to walk, it was considerably past midnight by the time he reached home,

where he found his mother and Smike sitting up to receive him. It was long after their usual hour of retiring,

and they had expected him, at the very latest, two hours ago; but the time had not hung heavily on their

hands, for Mrs Nickleby had entertained Smike with a genealogical account of her family by the mother's

side, comprising biographical sketches of the principal members, and Smike had sat wondering what it was

all about, and whether it was learnt from a book, or said out of Mrs Nickleby's own head; so that they got on

Nicholas could not go to bed without expatiating on the excellences and munificence of the brothers

Cheeryble, and relating the great success which had attended his efforts that day. But before he had said a

dozen words, Mrs Nickleby, with many sly winks and nods, observed, that she was sure Mr Smike must be

quite tired out, and that she positively must insist on his not sitting up a minute longer.

'A most biddable creature he is, to be sure,' said Mrs Nickleby, when Smike had wished them goodnight and

left the room. 'I know you'll excuse me, Nicholas, my dear, but I don't like to do this before a third person;

indeed, before a young man it would not be quite proper, though really, after all, I don't know what harm

there is in it, except that to be sure it's not a very becoming thing, though some people say it is very much so,

and really I don't know why it should not be, if it's well got up, and the borders are smallplaited; of course, a

With which preface, Mrs Nickleby took her nightcap from between the leaves of a very large prayerbook

where it had been folded up small, and proceeded to tie it on: talking away in her usual discursive manner, all

'People may say what they like,' observed Mrs Nickleby, 'but there's a great deal of comfort in a nightcap, as

I'm sure you would confess, Nicholas my dear, if you would only have strings to yours, and wear it like a

Christian, instead of sticking it upon the very top of your head like a bluecoat boy. You needn't think it an

unmanly or quizzical thing to be particular about your nightcap, for I have often heard your poor dear papa,

and the Reverend Mr What's hisname, who used to read prayers in that old church with the curious little

steeple that the weathercock was blown off the night week before you were born,I have often heard them

say, that the young men at college are uncommonly particular about their nightcaps, and that the Oxford

nightcaps are quite celebrated for their strength and goodness; so much so, indeed, that the young men never

dream of going to bed without 'em, and I believe it's admitted on all hands that THEY know what's good, and

Nicholas laughed, and entering no further into the subject of this lengthened harangue, reverted to the

pleasant tone of the little birthday party. And as Mrs Nickleby instantly became very curious respecting it,

and made a great number of inquiries touching what they had had for dinner, and how it was put on table, and

whether it was overdone or underdone, and who was there, and what 'the Mr Cherrybles' said, and what

Nicholas said, and what the Mr Cherrybles said when he said that; Nicholas described the festivities at full

'Late as it is,' said Nicholas, 'I am almost selfish enough to wish that Kate had been up to hear all this. I was

'Why, Kate,' said Mrs Nickleby, putting her feet upon the fender, and drawing her chair close to it, as if

settling herself for a long talk. 'Kate has been in bedoh! a couple of hoursand I'm very glad, Nicholas

my dear, that I prevailed upon her not to sit up, for I wished very much to have an opportunity of saying a

few words to you. I am naturally anxious about it, and of course it's a very delightful and consoling thing to

have a grownup son that one can put confidence in, and advise with; indeed I don't know any use there

Nicholas stopped in the middle of a sleepy yawn, as his mother began to speak: and looked at her with fixed

'There was a lady in our neighbourhood,' said Mrs Nickleby, 'speaking of sons puts me in mind of ita lady

in our neighbourhood when we lived near Dawlish, I think her name was Rogers; indeed I am sure it was if it

'Is it about her, mother, that you wished to speak to me?' said Nicholas quietly.

'About HER!' cried Mrs Nickleby. 'Good gracious, Nicholas, my dear, how CAN you be so ridiculous! But

that was always the way with your poor dear papa,just his wayalways wandering, never able to fix his

thoughts on any one subject for two minutes together. I think I see him now!' said Mrs Nickleby, wiping her

eyes, 'looking at me while I was talking to him about his affairs, just as if his ideas were in a state of perfect

conglomeration! Anybody who had come in upon us suddenly, would have supposed I was confusing and

'I am very sorry, mother, that I should inherit this unfortunate slowness of apprehension,' said Nicholas,

kindly; 'but I'll do my best to understand you, if you'll only go straight on: indeed I will.'

'Your poor pa!' said Mrs Nickleby, pondering. 'He never knew, till it was too late, what I would have had him

This was undoubtedly the case, inasmuch as the deceased Mr Nickleby had not arrived at the knowledge.

Then he died. Neither had Mrs Nickleby herself; which is, in some sort, an explanation of the circumstance.

'However,' said Mrs Nickleby, drying her tears, 'this has nothing to docertainly nothing whatever to

'I should suppose that the gentleman in the next house has as little to do with us,' returned Nicholas.

'There can be no doubt,' said Mrs Nickleby, 'that he IS a gentleman, and has the manners of a gentleman, and

the appearance of a gentleman, although he does wear smalls and grey worsted stockings. That may be

eccentricity, or he may be proud of his legs. I don't see why he shouldn't be. The Prince Regent was proud of

his legs, and so was Daniel Lambert, who was also a fat man; HE was proud of his legs. So was Miss Biffin:

she wasno,' added Mrs Nickleby, correcting, herself, 'I think she had only toes, but the principle is the

Nicholas looked on, quite amazed at the introduction of this new theme. Which seemed just what Mrs

'You may well be surprised, Nicholas, my dear,' she said, 'I am sure I was. It came upon me like a flash of

fire, and almost froze my blood. The bottom of his garden joins the bottom of ours, and of course I had

several times seen him sitting among the scarletbeans in his little arbour, or working at his little hotbeds. I

used to think he stared rather, but I didn't take any particular notice of that, as we were newcomers, and he

might be curious to see what we were like. But when he began to throw his cucumbers over our wall'

'To throw his cucumbers over our wall!' repeated Nicholas, in great astonishment.

'Yes, Nicholas, my dear,' replied Mrs Nickleby in a very serious tone; 'his cucumbers over our wall. And

'Confound his impudence!' said Nicholas, firing immediately. 'What does he mean by that?'

'What!' said Nicholas, 'cucumbers and vegetable marrows flying at the heads of the family as they walk in

Nicholas stopped short; for there was an indescribable expression of placid triumph, mingled with a modest

confusion, lingering between the borders of Mrs Nickleby's nightcap, which arrested his attention suddenly.

'He must be a very weak, and foolish, and inconsiderate man,' said Mrs Nickleby; 'blamable indeedat least

I suppose other people would consider him so; of course I can't be expected to express any opinion on that

point, especially after always defending your poor dear papa when other people blamed him for making

proposals to me; and to be sure there can be no doubt that he has taken a very singular way of showing it.

Still at the same time, his attentions arethat is, as far as it goes, and to a certain extent of course a

flattering sort of thing; and although I should never dream of marrying again with a dear girl like Kate still

'Surely, mother, such an idea never entered your brain for an instant?' said Nicholas.

'Bless my heart, Nicholas my dear,' returned his mother in a peevish tone, 'isn't that precisely what I am

saying, if you would only let me speak? Of course, I never gave it a second thought, and I am surprised and

astonished that you should suppose me capable of such a thing. All I say is, what step is the best to take, so as

to reject these advances civilly and delicately, and without hurting his feelings too much, and driving him to

despair, or anything of that kind? My goodness me!' exclaimed Mrs Nickleby, with a half simper, 'suppose

he was to go doing anything rash to himself. Could I ever be happy again, Nicholas?'

Despite his vexation and concern, Nicholas could scarcely help smiling, as he rejoined, 'Now, do you think,

mother, that such a result would be likely to ensue from the most cruel repulse?'

'Upon my word, my dear, I don't know," returned Mrs Nickleby; 'really, I don't know. I am sure there was a

case in the day before yesterday's paper, extracted from one of the French newspapers, about a journeyman

shoemaker who was jealous of a young girl in an adjoining village, because she wouldn't shut herself up in an

air tight threepairofstairs, and charcoal herself to death with him; and who went and hid himself in a

wood with a sharppointed knife, and rushed out, as she was passing by with a few friends, and killed

himself first, and then all the friends, and then herno, killed all the friends first, and then herself, and then

HIMselfwhich it is quite frightful to think of. Somehow or other,' added Mrs Nickleby, after a momentary

pause, 'they always ARE journeyman shoemakers who do these things in France, according to the papers. I

'But this man, who is not a shoemakerwhat has he done, mother, what has he said?' inquired Nicholas,

fretted almost beyond endurance, but looking nearly as resigned and patient as Mrs Nickleby herself. 'You

know, there is no language of vegetables, which converts a cucumber into a formal declaration of

'My dear,' replied Mrs Nickleby, tossing her head and looking at the ashes in the grate, 'he has done and said

'Mistake!' cried Mrs Nickleby. 'Lord, Nicholas my dear, do you suppose I don't know when a man's in

'Every time I go to the window,' said Mrs Nickleby, 'he kisses one hand, and lays the other upon his

heartof course it's very foolish of him to do so, and I dare say you'll say it's very wrong, but he does it very

respectfullyvery respectfully indeedand very tenderly, extremely tenderly. So far, he deserves the

greatest credit; there can be no doubt about that. Then, there are the presents which come pouring over the

wall every day, and very fine they certainly are, very fine; we had one of the cucumbers at dinner yesterday,

and think of pickling the rest for next winter. And last evening,' added Mrs Nickleby, with increased

confusion, 'he called gently over the wall, as I was walking in the garden, and proposed marriage, and an

elopement. His voice is as clear as a bell or a musical glassvery like a musical glass indeedbut of course

I didn't listen to it. Then, the question is, Nicholas my dear, what am I to do?'

'Then, for Heaven's sake,' rejoined Nicholas, rising, 'do not, for it would make her very unhappy. And with

regard to what you should do, my dear mother, do what your good sense and feeling, and respect for my

father's memory, would prompt. There are a thousand ways in which you can show your dislike of these

preposterous and doting attentions. If you act as decidedly as you ought and they are still continued, and to

your annoyance, I can speedily put a stop to them. But I should not interfere in a matter so ridiculous, and

attach importance to it, until you have vindicated yourself. Most women can do that, but especially one of

your age and condition, in circumstances like these, which are unworthy of a serious thought. I would not

shame you by seeming to take them to heart, or treat them earnestly for an instant. Absurd old idiot!'

So saying, Nicholas kissed his mother, and bade her goodnight, and they retired to their respective

To do Mrs Nickleby justice, her attachment to her children would have prevented her seriously contemplating

a second marriage, even if she could have so far conquered her recollections of her late husband as to have

any strong inclinations that way. But, although there was no evil and little real selfishness in Mrs Nickleby's

heart, she had a weak head and a vain one; and there was something so flattering in being sought (and vainly

sought) in marriage at this time of day, that she could not dismiss the passion of the unknown gentleman

'As to its being preposterous, and doting, and ridiculous,' thought Mrs Nickleby, communing with herself in

her own room, 'I don't see that, at all. It's hopeless on his part, certainly; but why he should be an absurd old

idiot, I confess I don't see. He is not to be supposed to know it's hopeless. Poor fellow! He is to be pitied, I

Having made these reflections, Mrs Nickleby looked in her little dressingglass, and walking backward a few

steps from it, tried to remember who it was who used to say that when Nicholas was oneand twenty he

would have more the appearance of her brother than her son. Not being able to call the authority to mind, she

extinguished her candle, and drew up the windowblind to admit the light of morning, which had, by this

'It's a bad light to distinguish objects in,' murmured Mrs Nickleby, peering into the garden, 'and my eyes are

not very goodI was shortsighted from a childbut, upon my word, I think there's another large vegetable

marrow sticking, at this moment, on the broken glass bottles at the top of the wall!'

Quite unconscious of the demonstrations of their amorous neighbour, or their effects upon the susceptible

bosom of her mama, Kate Nickleby had, by this time, begun to enjoy a settled feeling of tranquillity and

happiness, to which, even in occasional and transitory glimpses, she had long been a stranger. Living under

the same roof with the beloved brother from whom she had been so suddenly and hardly separated: with a

mind at ease, and free from any persecutions which could call a blush into her cheek, or a pang into her heart,

she seemed to have passed into a new state of being. Her former cheerfulness was restored, her step regained

its elasticity and lightness, the colour which had forsaken her cheek visited it once again, and Kate Nickleby

Such was the result to which Miss La Creevy's ruminations and observations led her, when the cottage had

been, as she emphatically said, 'thoroughly got to rights, from the chimney pots to the streetdoor scraper,'

and the busy little woman had at length a moment's time to think about its inmates.

'Which I declare I haven't had since I first came down here,' said Miss La Creevy; 'for I have thought of

nothing but hammers, nails, screwdrivers, and gimlets, morning, noon, and night.'

'You never bestowed one thought upon yourself, I believe,' returned Kate, smiling.

'Upon my word, my dear, when there are so many pleasanter things to think of, I should be a goose if I did,'

said Miss La Creevy. 'Bythebye, I HAVE thought of somebody too. Do you know, that I observe a great

'Not in your brother, my dear,' returned Miss La Creevy, anticipating the close of the sentence, 'for he is

always the same affectionate goodnatured clever creature, with a spice of theI won't say whoin him

when there's any occasion, that he was when I first knew you. No. Smike, as he WILL be called, poor fellow!

for he won't hear of a MR before his name, is greatly altered, even in this short time.'

'Nno; perhaps not in health exactly,' said Miss La Creevy, pausing to consider, 'although he is a worn

and feeble creature, and has that in his face which it would wring my heart to see in yours. No; not in health.'

'I scarcely know,' said the miniature painter. 'But I have watched him, and he has brought the tears into my

eyes many times. It is not a very difficult matter to do that, certainly, for I am easily melted; still I think these

came with good cause and reason. I am sure that since he has been here, he has grown, from some strong

cause, more conscious of his weak intellect. He feels it more. It gives him greater pain to know that he

wanders sometimes, and cannot understand very simple things. I have watched him when you have not been

by, my dear, sit brooding by himself, with such a look of pain as I could scarcely bear to see, and then get up

and leave the room: so sorrowfully, and in such dejection, that I cannot tell you how it has hurt me. Not three

weeks ago, he was a lighthearted busy creature, overjoyed to be in a bustle, and as happy as the day was

long. Now, he is another beingthe same willing, harmless, faithful, loving creaturebut the same in

'I hope,' returned her little friend, with a gravity very unusual in her, 'it may. I hope, for the sake of that poor

lad, it may. However,' said Miss La Creevy, relapsing into the cheerful, chattering tone, which was habitual

to her, 'I have said my say, and a very long say it is, and a very wrong say too, I shouldn't wonder at all. I

shall cheer him up tonight, at all events, for if he is to be my squire all the way to the Strand, I shall talk on,

and on, and on, and never leave off, till I have roused him into a laugh at something. So the sooner he goes,

the better for him, and the sooner I go, the better for me, I am sure, or else I shall have my maid gallivanting

with somebody who may rob the housethough what there is to take away, besides tables and chairs, I don't

know, except the miniatures: and he is a clever thief who can dispose of them to any great advantage, for I

So saying, little Miss La Creevy hid her face in a very flat bonnet, and herself in a very big shawl; and fixing

herself tightly into the latter, by means of a large pin, declared that the omnibus might come as soon as it

But there was still Mrs Nickleby to take leave of; and long before that good lady had concluded some

reminiscences bearing upon, and appropriate to, the occasion, the omnibus arrived. This put Miss La Creevy

in a great bustle, in consequence whereof, as she secretly rewarded the servant girl with eighteenpence

behind the streetdoor, she pulled out of her reticule tenpennyworth of halfpence, which rolled into all

possible corners of the passage, and occupied some considerable time in the picking up. This ceremony had,

of course, to be succeeded by a second kissing of Kate and Mrs Nickleby, and a gathering together of the

little basket and the brownpaper parcel, during which proceedings, 'the omnibus,' as Miss La Creevy

protested, 'swore so dreadfully, that it was quite awful to hear it.' At length and at last, it made a feint of going

away, and then Miss La Creevy darted out, and darted in, apologising with great volubility to all the

passengers, and declaring that she wouldn't purposely have kept them waiting on any account whatever.

While she was looking about for a convenient seat, the conductor pushed Smike in, and cried that it was all

rightthough it wasn'tand away went the huge vehicle, with the noise of halfadozen brewers' drays at

Leaving it to pursue its journey at the pleasure of the conductor aforementioned, who lounged gracefully on

his little shelf behind, smoking an odoriferous cigar; and leaving it to stop, or go on, or gallop, or crawl, as

that gentleman deemed expedient and advisable; this narrative may embrace the opportunity of ascertaining

the condition of Sir Mulberry Hawk, and to what extent he had, by this time, recovered from the injuries

consequent on being flung violently from his cabriolet, under the circumstances already detailed.

With a shattered limb, a body severely bruised, a face disfigured by halfhealed scars, and pallid from the

exhaustion of recent pain and fever, Sir Mulberry Hawk lay stretched upon his back, on the couch to which

he was doomed to be a prisoner for some weeks yet to come. Mr Pyke and Mr Pluck sat drinking hard in the

next room, now and then varying the monotonous murmurs of their conversation with a halfsmothered

laugh, while the young lord the only member of the party who was not thoroughly irredeemable, and who

really had a kind heartsat beside his Mentor, with a cigar in his mouth, and read to him, by the light of a

lamp, such scraps of intelligence from a paper of the day, as were most likely to yield him interest or

'Curse those hounds!' said the invalid, turning his head impatiently towards the adjoining room; 'will nothing

Messrs Pyke and Pluck heard the exclamation, and stopped immediately: winking to each other as they did

so, and filling their glasses to the brim, as some recompense for the deprivation of speech.

'Damn!' muttered the sick man between his teeth, and writhing impatiently in his bed. 'Isn't this mattress hard

enough, and the room dull enough, and pain bad enough, but THEY must torture me? What's the time?'

'Here, draw the table nearer, and let us have the cards again,' said Sir Mulberry. 'More piquet. Come.'

It was curious to see how eagerly the sick man, debarred from any change of position save the mere turning

of his head from side to side, watched every motion of his friend in the progress of the game; and with what

eagerness and interest he played, and yet how warily and coolly. His address and skill were more than twenty

times a match for his adversary, who could make little head against them, even when fortune favoured him

with good cards, which was not often the case. Sir Mulberry won every game; and when his companion threw

down the cards, and refused to play any longer, thrust forth his wasted arm and caught up the stakes with a

boastful oath, and the same hoarse laugh, though considerably lowered in tone, that had resounded in Ralph

While he was thus occupied, his man appeared, to announce that Mr Ralph Nickleby was below, and wished

The man hesitated for a moment or two, and then said that Mr Nickleby had requested permission to see Sir

'It IS inconvenient. I can't see him. I can't see anybody,' said his master, more violently than before. 'You

'I am very sorry, sir,' returned the man. 'But Mr Nickleby pressed so much, sir'

The fact was, that Ralph Nickleby had bribed the man, who, being anxious to earn his money with a view to

'Did he say whether he had any business to speak about?' inquired Sir Mulberry, after a little impatient

'No, sir. He said he wished to see you, sir. Particularly, Mr Nickleby said, sir.'

'Tell him to come up. Here,' cried Sir Mulberry, calling the man back, as he passed his hand over his

disfigured face, 'move that lamp, and put it on the stand behind me. Wheel that table away, and place a chair

The man obeyed these directions as if he quite comprehended the motive with which they were dictated, and

left the room. Lord Frederick Verisopht, remarking that he would look in presently, strolled into the adjoining

Then was heard a subdued footstep on the stairs; and Ralph Nickleby, hat in hand, crept softly into the room,

with his body bent forward as if in profound respect, and his eyes fixed upon the face of his worthy client.

'Well, Nickleby,' said Sir Mulberry, motioning him to the chair by the couch side, and waving his hand in

'I see,' rejoined Ralph, with the same steady gaze. 'Bad, indeed! I should not have known you, Sir Mulberry.

Ralph's manner was one of profound humility and respect; and the low tone of voice was that, which the

gentlest consideration for a sick man would have taught a visitor to assume. But the expression of his face,

Sir Mulberry's being averted, was in extraordinary contrast; and as he stood, in his usual attitude, calmly

looking on the prostrate form before him, all that part of his features which was not cast into shadow by his

'Sit down,' said Sir Mulberry, turning towards him, as though by a violent effort. 'Am I a sight, that you stand

As he turned his face, Ralph recoiled a step or two, and making as though he were irresistibly impelled to

express astonishment, but was determined not to do so, sat down with wellacted confusion.

'I have inquired at the door, Sir Mulberry, every day,' said Ralph, 'twice a day, indeed, at firstand tonight,

presuming upon old acquaintance, and past transactions by which we have mutually benefited in some

degree, I could not resist soliciting admission to your chamber. Have youhave you suffered much?' said

Ralph, bending forward, and allowing the same harsh smile to gather upon his face, as the other closed his

'More than enough to please me, and less than enough to please some brokendown hacks that you and I

know of, and who lay their ruin between us, I dare say,' returned Sir Mulberry, tossing his arm restlessly upon

Ralph shrugged his shoulders in deprecation of the intense irritation with which this had been said; for there

was an aggravating, cold distinctness in his speech and manner which so grated on the sick man that he could

'And what is it in these "past transactions," that brought you here tonight?' asked Sir Mulberry.

'Nothing,' replied Ralph. 'There are some bills of my lord's which need renewal; but let them be till you are

well. II came,' said Ralph, speaking more slowly, and with harsher emphasis, 'I came to say how

grieved I am that any relative of mine, although disowned by me, should have inflicted such punishment on

'I know it has been a severe one,' said Ralph, wilfully mistaking the meaning of the interruption, 'and that has

made me the more anxious to tell you that I disown this vagabondthat I acknowledge him as no kin of

mineand that I leave him to take his deserts from you, and every man besides. You may wring his neck if

'This story that they tell me here, has got abroad then, has it?' asked Sir Mulberry, clenching his hands and

'Noised in all directions,' replied Ralph. 'Every club and gamingroom has rung with it. There has been a

good song made about it, as I am told,' said Ralph, looking eagerly at his questioner. 'I have not heard it

myself, not being in the way of such things, but I have been told it's even printedfor private

'It's a lie!' said Sir Mulberry; 'I tell you it's all a lie. The mare took fright.'

'They SAY he frightened her,' observed Ralph, in the same unmoved and quiet manner. 'Some say he

frightened you, but THAT'S a lie, I know. I have said that boldlyoh, a score of times! I am a peaceable

When Sir Mulberry found coherent words to utter, Ralph bent forward with his hand to his ear, and a face as

'When I am off this cursed bed,' said the invalid, actually striking at his broken leg in the ecstasy of his

passion, 'I'll have such revenge as never man had yet. By God, I will. Accident favouring him, he has marked

me for a week or two, but I'll put a mark on him that he shall carry to his grave. I'll slit his nose and ears, flog

him, maim him for life. I'll do more than that; I'll drag that pattern of chastity, that pink of prudery, the

It might have been that even Ralph's cold blood tingled in his cheeks at that moment. It might have been that

Sir Mulberry remembered, that, knave and usurer as he was, he must, in some early time of infancy, have

twined his arm about her father's neck. He stopped, and menacing with his hand, confirmed the unuttered

'It is a galling thing,' said Ralph, after a short term of silence, during which he had eyed the sufferer keenly,

'to think that the man about town, the rake, the ROUE, the rook of twenty seasons should be brought to this

Sir Mulberry darted a wrathful look at him, but Ralph's eyes were bent upon the ground, and his face wore no

'A raw, slight stripling,' continued Ralph, 'against a man whose very weight might crush him; to say nothing

of his skill inI am right, I think,' said Ralph, raising his eyes, 'you WERE a patron of the ring once, were

The sick man made an impatient gesture, which Ralph chose to consider as one of acquiescence.

'Ha!' he said, 'I thought so. That was before I knew you, but I was pretty sure I couldn't be mistaken. He is

light and active, I suppose. But those were slight advantages compared with yours. Luck, luck! These

'He'll need the most he has, when I am well again,' said Sir Mulberry Hawk, 'let him fly where he will.'

'Oh!' returned Ralph quickly, 'he doesn't dream of that. He is here, good sir, waiting your pleasure, here in

London, walking the streets at noonday; carrying it off jauntily; looking for you, I swear,' said Ralph, his face

darkening, and his own hatred getting the upper hand of him, for the first time, as this gay picture of Nicholas

presented itself; 'if we were only citizens of a country where it could be safely done, I'd give good money to

As Ralph, somewhat to the surprise of his old client, vented this little piece of sound family feeling, and took

'Why what in the deyvle's name, Hawk, have you and Nickleby been talking about?' said the young man. 'I

neyver heard such an insufferable riot. Croak, croak, croak. Bow, wow, wow. What has it all been about?'

'Not about money, I hope? Nothing has gone wrong in business, has it, Nickleby?'

'No, my Lord, no,' returned Ralph. 'On that point we always agree. Sir Mulberry has been calling to mind the

There was neither necessity nor opportunity for Ralph to proceed; for Sir Mulberry took up the theme, and

Ralph, who was no common observer, was surprised to see that as this tirade proceeded, the manner of Lord

Frederick Verisopht, who at the commencement had been twirling his whiskers with a most dandified and

listless air, underwent a complete alteration. He was still more surprised when, Sir Mulberry ceasing to speak,

the young lord angrily, and almost unaffectedly, requested never to have the subject renewed in his presence.

'Mind that, Hawk!' he added, with unusual energy. 'I never will be a party to, or permit, if I can help it, a

'Yees,' said the other, turning full upon him. 'If you had told him who you were; if you had given him your

card, and found out, afterwards, that his station or character prevented your fighting him, it would have been

bad enough then; upon my soul it would have been bad enough then. As it is, you did wrong. I did wrong too,

not to interfere, and I am sorry for it. What happened to you afterwards, was as much the consequence of

accident as design, and more your fault than his; and it shall not, with my knowledge, be cruelly visited upon

With this emphatic repetition of his concluding words, the young lord turned upon his heel; but before he had

reached the adjoining room he turned back again, and said, with even greater vehemence than he had

'I do believe, now; upon my honour I do believe, that the sister is as virtuous and modest a young lady as she

is a handsome one; and of the brother, I say this, that he acted as her brother should, and in a manly and

spirited manner. And I only wish, with all my heart and soul, that any one of us came out of this matter half

So saying, Lord Frederick Verisopht walked out of the room, leaving Ralph Nickleby and Sir Mulberry in

'Is this your pupil?' asked Ralph, softly, 'or has he come fresh from some country parson?'

'Green fools take these fits sometimes,' replied Sir Mulberry Hawk, biting his lip, and pointing to the door.

Ralph exchanged a familiar look with his old acquaintance; for they had suddenly grown confidential again in

While these things were being said and done, and long before they were concluded, the omnibus had

disgorged Miss La Creevy and her escort, and they had arrived at her own door. Now, the good nature of the

little miniature painter would by no means allow of Smike's walking back again, until he had been previously

refreshed with just a sip of something comfortable and a mixed biscuit or so; and Smike, entertaining no

objection either to the sip of something comfortable, or the mixed biscuit, but, considering on the contrary

that they would be a very pleasant preparation for a walk to Bow, it fell out that he delayed much longer than

he originally intended, and that it was some halfhour after dusk when he set forth on his journey home.

There was no likelihood of his losing his way, for it lay quite straight before him, and he had walked into

town with Nicholas, and back alone, almost every day. So, Miss La Creevy and he shook hands with mutual

confidence, and, being charged with more kind remembrances to Mrs and Miss Nickleby, Smike started off.

At the foot of Ludgate Hill, he turned a little out of the road to satisfy his curiosity by having a look at

Newgate. After staring up at the sombre walls, from the opposite side of the way, with great care and dread

for some minutes, he turned back again into the old track, and walked briskly through the city; stopping now

and then to gaze in at the window of some particularly attractive shop, then running for a little way, then

He had been gazing for a long time through a jeweller's window, wishing he could take some of the beautiful

trinkets home as a present, and imagining what delight they would afford if he could, when the clocks struck

threequarters past eight; roused by the sound, he hurried on at a very quick pace, and was crossing the

corner of a bystreet when he felt himself violently brought to, with a jerk so sudden that he was obliged to

cling to a lamppost to save himself from falling. At the same moment, a small boy clung tight round his leg,

Smike knew that voice too well. He cast his despairing eyes downward towards the form from which it had

proceeded, and, shuddering from head to foot, looked round. Mr Squeers had hooked him in the coat collar

with the handle of his umbrella, and was hanging on at the other end with all his might and main. The cry of

triumph proceeded from Master Wackford, who, regardless of all his kicks and struggles, clung to him with

One glance showed him this; and in that one glance the terrified creature became utterly powerless and

'Here's a go!' cried Mr Squeers, gradually coming handoverhand down the umbrella, and only unhooking it

when he had got tight hold of the victim's collar. 'Here's a delicious go! Wackford, my boy, call up one of

'Yes, a coach, sir,' replied Squeers, feasting his eyes upon the countenance of Smike. 'Damn the expense.

'What's he been a doing of?' asked a labourer with a hod of bricks, against whom and a fellowlabourer Mr

'Everything!' replied Mr Squeers, looking fixedly at his old pupil in a sort of rapturous trance.

'Everythingrunning away, sir joining in bloodthirsty attacks upon his masterthere's nothing that's bad

The man looked from Squeers to Smike; but such mental faculties as the poor fellow possessed, had utterly

deserted him. The coach came up; Master Wackford entered; Squeers pushed in his prize, and following close

at his heels, pulled up the glasses. The coachman mounted his box and drove slowly off, leaving the two

bricklayers, and an old applewoman, and a townmade little boy returning from an evening school, who had

Mr Squeers sat himself down on the opposite seat to the unfortunate Smike, and, planting his hands firmly on

his knees, looked at him for some five minutes, when, seeming to recover from his trance, he uttered a loud

laugh, and slapped his old pupil's face several timestaking the right and left sides alternately.

'It isn't a dream!' said Squeers. 'That's real flesh and blood! I know the feel of it!' and being quite assured of

his good fortune by these experiments, Mr Squeers administered a few boxes on the ear, lest the

entertainments should seem to partake of sameness, and laughed louder and longer at every one.

'Your mother will be fit to jump out of her skin, my boy, when she hears of this,' said Squeers to his son.

'To think,' said Squeers, 'that you and me should be turning out of a street, and come upon him at the very

nick; and that I should have him tight, at only one cast of the umbrella, as if I had hooked him with a

'You did; like a good 'un, my boy,' said Mr Squeers, patting his son's head, 'and you shall have the best

buttonover jacket and waistcoat that the next new boy brings down, as a reward of merit. Mind that. You

always keep on in the same path, and do them things that you see your father do, and when you die you'll go

Improving the occasion in these words, Mr Squeers patted his son's head again, and then patted Smike'sbut

'To be sure you must. You're about right there,' replied Mr Squeers. 'You'll go home very soon, you will.

You'll find yourself at the peaceful village of Dotheboys, in Yorkshire, in something under a week's time, my

young friend; and the next time you get away from there, I give you leave to keep away. Where's the clothes

Smike glanced at the neat attire which the care of Nicholas had provided for him; and wrung his hands.

'Do you know that I could hang you up, outside of the Old Bailey, for making away with them articles of

property?' said Squeers. 'Do you know that it's a hanging matterand I an't quite certain whether it an't an

anatomy one besidesto walk off with up'ards of the valley of five pound from a dwellinghouse? Eh? Do

you know that? What do you suppose was the worth of them clothes you had? Do you know that that

Wellington boot you wore, cost eight andtwenty shillings when it was a pair, and the shoe sevenand

six? But you came to the right shop for mercy when you came to me, and thank your stars that it IS me as has

Anybody not in Mr Squeers's confidence would have supposed that he was quite out of the article in question,

instead of having a large stock on hand ready for all comers; nor would the opinion of sceptical persons have

undergone much alteration when he followed up the remark by poking Smike in the chest with the ferrule of

his umbrella, and dealing a smart shower of blows, with the ribs of the same instrument, upon his head and

'I never threshed a boy in a hackney coach before,' said Mr Squeers, when he stopped to rest. 'There's

Poor Smike! He warded off the blows, as well as he could, and now shrunk into a corner of the coach, with

his head resting on his hands, and his elbows on his knees; he was stunned and stupefied, and had no more

idea that any act of his, would enable him to escape from the allpowerful Squeers, now that he had no friend

to speak to or to advise with, than he had had in all the weary years of his Yorkshire life which preceded the

The journey seemed endless; street after street was entered and left behind; and still they went jolting on. At

last Mr Squeers began to thrust his head out of the widow every halfminute, and to bawl a variety of

directions to the coachman; and after passing, with some difficulty, through several mean streets which the

appearance of the houses and the bad state of the road denoted to have been recently built, Mr Squeers

'What are you pulling a man's arm off for?' said the coachman looking angrily down.

'That's the house,' replied Squeers. 'The second of them four little houses, one story high, with the green

'Couldn't you say that without wrenching a man's limbs off his body?' inquired the coachman.

'No!' bawled Mr Squeers. 'Say another word, and I'll summons you for having a broken winder. Stop!'

Obedient to this direction, the coach stopped at Mr Snawley's door. Mr Snawley may be remembered as the

sleek and sanctified gentleman who confided two sons (in law) to the parental care of Mr Squeers, as narrated

in the fourth chapter of this history. Mr Snawley's house was on the extreme borders of some new settlements

adjoining Somers Town, and Mr Squeers had taken lodgings therein for a short time, as his stay was longer

than usual, and the Saracen, having experience of Master Wackford's appetite, had declined to receive him on

'Here we are!' said Squeers, hurrying Smike into the little parlour, where Mr Snawley and his wife were

taking a lobster supper. 'Here's the vagrantthe felonthe rebelthe monster of unthankfulness.'

'What! The boy that run away!' cried Snawley, resting his knife and fork upright on the table, and opening his

'The very boy', said Squeers, putting his fist close to Smike's nose, and drawing it away again, and repeating

the process several times, with a vicious aspect. 'If there wasn't a lady present, I'd fetch him such a: never

And here Mr Squeers related how, and in what manner, and when and where, he had picked up the runaway.

'It's clear that there has been a Providence in it, sir,' said Mr Snawley, casting down his eyes with an air of

humility, and elevating his fork, with a bit of lobster on the top of it, towards the ceiling.

'Providence is against him, no doubt,' replied Mr Squeers, scratching his nose. 'Of course; that was to be

'Never was such a thing known,' rejoined Squeers, taking a little roll of notes from his pocketbook, to see

'I have been, Mr Snawley,' said Mr Squeers, when he had satisfied himself upon this point, 'I have been that

chap's benefactor, feeder, teacher, and clother. I have been that chap's classical, commercial, mathematical,

philosophical, and trigonomical friend. My sonmy only son, Wackfordhas been his brother; Mrs

Squeers has been his mother, grandmother, aunt,ah! and I may say uncle too, all in one. She never

cottoned to anybody, except them two engaging and delightful boys of yours, as she cottoned to this chap.

What's my return? What's come of my milk of human kindness? It turns into curds and whey when I look at

'Ah, sir!' interposed Squeers, confronting him again. 'Have you been a living with that there devilish

But no threats or cuffs could elicit from Smike one word of reply to this question; for he had internally

resolved that he would rather perish in the wretched prison to which he was again about to be consigned, than

utter one syllable which could involve his first and true friend. He had already called to mind the strict

injunctions of secrecy as to his past life, which Nicholas had laid upon him when they travelled from

Yorkshire; and a confused and perplexed idea that his benefactor might have committed some terrible crime

in bringing him away, which would render him liable to heavy punishment if detected, had contributed, in

Such were the thoughtsif to visions so imperfect and undefined as those which wandered through his

enfeebled brain, the term can be appliedwhich were present to the mind of Smike, and rendered him deaf

alike to intimidation and persuasion. Finding every effort useless, Mr Squeers conducted him to a little back

room upstairs, where he was to pass the night; and, taking the precaution of removing his shoes, and coat

and waistcoat, and also of locking the door on the outside, lest he should muster up sufficient energy to make

What those meditations were, and how the poor creature's heart sunk within him when he thoughtwhen did

he, for a moment, cease to think?of his late home, and the dear friends and familiar faces with which it was

associated, cannot be told. To prepare the mind for such a heavy sleep, its growth must be stopped by rigour

and cruelty in childhood; there must be years of misery and suffering, lightened by no ray of hope; the chords

of the heart, which beat a quick response to the voice of gentleness and affection, must have rusted and

broken in their secret places, and bear the lingering echo of no old word of love or kindness. Gloomy, indeed,

must have been the short day, and dull the long, long twilight, preceding such a night of intellect as his.

There were voices which would have roused him, even then; but their welcome tones could not penetrate

there; and he crept to bed the same listless, hopeless, blighted creature, that Nicholas had first found him at

CHAPTER 39. In which another old Friend encounters Smike, very opportunely and to some Purpose 339

The night, fraught with so much bitterness to one poor soul, had given place to a bright and cloudless summer

morning, when a north country mailcoach traversed, with cheerful noise, the yet silent streets of Islington,

and, giving brisk note of its approach with the lively winding of the guard's horn, clattered onward to its

The only outside passenger was a burly, honestlooking countryman on the box, who, with his eyes fixed

upon the dome of St Paul's Cathedral, appeared so wrapt in admiring wonder, as to be quite insensible to all

the bustle of getting out the bags and parcels, until one of the coach windows being let sharply down, he

looked round, and encountered a pretty female face which was just then thrust out.

'See there, lass!' bawled the countryman, pointing towards the object of his admiration. 'There be Paul's

'Goodness, John! I shouldn't have thought it could have been half the size. What a monster!'

'Monsther!Ye're aboot right theer, I reckon, Mrs Browdie,' said the countryman goodhumouredly, as he

came slowly down in his huge topcoat; 'and wa'at dost thee tak yon place to be noothot'un owor the wa'?

Ye'd never coom near it 'gin you thried for twolve moonths. It's na' but a Poast Office! Ho! ho! They need to

charge for dooblelatthers. A Poast Office! Wa'at dost thee think o' thot? 'Ecod, if thot's on'y a Poast Office,

So saying, John Browdiefor he it wasopened the coachdoor, and tapping Mrs Browdie, late Miss Price,

'She's been asleep all night, and was, all yesterday, except for a minute or two now and then,' replied John

Browdie's choice, 'and I was very sorry when she woke, for she has been SO cross!'

The subject of these remarks was a slumbering figure, so muffled in shawl and cloak, that it would have been

matter of impossibility to guess at its sex but for a brown beaver bonnet and green veil which ornamented the

head, and which, having been crushed and flattened, for two hundred and fifty miles, in that particular angle

of the vehicle from which the lady's snores now proceeded, presented an appearance sufficiently ludicrous to

'Hollo!' cried John, twitching one end of the dragged veil. 'Coom, wakken oop, will 'ee?'

After several burrowings into the old corner, and many exclamations of impatience and fatigue, the figure

struggled into a sitting posture; and there, under a mass of crumpled beaver, and surrounded by a semicircle

'Oh, 'Tilda!' cried Miss Squeers, 'how you have been kicking of me through this blessed night!'

'Well, I do like that,' replied her friend, laughing, 'when you have had nearly the whole coach to yourself.'

'Don't deny it, 'Tilda,' said Miss Squeers, impressively, 'because you have, and it's no use to go attempting to

say you haven't. You mightn't have known it in your sleep, 'Tilda, but I haven't closed my eyes for a single

With which reply, Miss Squeers adjusted the bonnet and veil, which nothing but supernatural interference and

an utter suspension of nature's laws could have reduced to any shape or form; and evidently flattering herself

CHAPTER 39. In which another old Friend encounters Smike, very opportunely and to some Purpose 340

that it looked uncommonly neat, brushed off the sandwichcrumbs and bits of biscuit which had accumulated

in her lap, and availing herself of John Browdie's proffered arm, descended from the coach.

'Noo,' said John, when a hackney coach had been called, and the ladies and the luggage hurried in, 'gang to

'Surely,' said John, 'I know'd it was something aboot Sarah's Son's Head. Dost thou know thot?'

''Tilda, dear, really,' remonstrated Miss Squeers, 'we shall be taken for I don't know what.'

'Let them tak' us as they foind us,' said John Browdie; 'we dean't come to Lunnun to do nought but 'joy oursel,

'Well, then,' said John, 'it's no matther. I've only been a married man fower days, 'account of poor old feyther

deein, and puttin' it off. Here be a weddin' partybroide and broide'smaid, and the groomif a mun dean't

So, in order that he might begin to enjoy himself at once, and lose no time, Mr Browdie gave his wife a

hearty kiss, and succeeded in wresting another from Miss Squeers, after a maidenly resistance of scratching

and struggling on the part of that young lady, which was not quite over when they reached the Saracen's

Here, the party straightway retired to rest; the refreshment of sleep being necessary after so long a journey;

and here they met again about noon, to a substantial breakfast, spread by direction of Mr John Browdie, in a

To have seen Miss Squeers now, divested of the brown beaver, the green veil, and the blue curlpapers, and

arrayed in all the virgin splendour of a white frock and spencer, with a white muslin bonnet, and an imitative

damask rose in full bloom on the inside thereof her luxuriant crop of hair arranged in curls so tight that it

was impossible they could come out by any accident, and her bonnetcap trimmed with little damask roses,

which might be supposed to be so many promising scions of the big roseto have seen all this, and to have

seen the broad damask belt, matching both the family rose and the little roses, which encircled her slender

waist, and by a happy ingenuity took off from the shortness of the spencer behind,to have beheld all this,

and to have taken further into account the coral bracelets (rather short of beads, and with a very visible black

string) which clasped her wrists, and the coral necklace which rested on her neck, supporting, outside her

frock, a lonely cornelian heart, typical of her own disengaged affectionsto have contemplated all these

mute but expressive appeals to the purest feelings of our nature, might have thawed the frost of age, and

The waiter was touched. Waiter as he was, he had human passions and feelings, and he looked very hard at

CHAPTER 39. In which another old Friend encounters Smike, very opportunely and to some Purpose 341

'In herein the house!' replied Miss Squeers. 'My paMr Wackford Squeershe's stopping here. Is he at

'I didn't know there was any gen'l'man of that name in the house, miss' replied the waiter. 'There may be, in

MAY BE. Very pretty this, indeed! Here was Miss Squeers, who had been depending, all the way to London,

upon showing her friends how much at home she would be, and how much respectful notice her name and

connections would excite, told that her father MIGHT be there! 'As if he was a feller!' observed Miss

'Ye'd betther inquire, mun,' said John Browdie. 'An' hond up another pigeonpie, will 'ee? Dang the chap,'

muttered John, looking into the empty dish as the waiter retired; 'does he ca' this a piethree yoong pigeons

and a troifling matther o' steak, and a crust so loight that you doant know when it's in your mooth and when

After a short interval, which John Browdie employed upon the ham and a cold round of beef, the waiter

returned with another pie, and the information that Mr Squeers was not stopping in the house, but that he

came there every day and that directly he arrived, he should be shown upstairs. With this, he retired; and he

had not retired two minutes, when he returned with Mr Squeers and his hopeful son.

'Why, who'd have thought of this?' said Mr Squeers, when he had saluted the party and received some private

'Who, indeed, pa!' replied that young lady, spitefully. 'But you see 'Tilda IS married at last.'

'And I stond threat for a soight o' Lunnun, schoolmeasther,' said John, vigorously attacking the pie.

'One of them things that young men do when they get married,' returned Squeers; 'and as runs through with

their money like nothing at all! How much better wouldn't it be now, to save it up for the eddication of any

little boys, for instance! They come on you,' said Mr Squeers in a moralising way, 'before you're aware of it;

'I won't myself,' returned Squeers; 'but if you'll just let little Wackford tuck into something fat, I'll be obliged

to you. Give it him in his fingers, else the waiter charges it on, and there's lot of profit on this sort of vittles

without that. If you hear the waiter coming, sir, shove it in your pocket and look out of the window, d'ye

'Well,' said Squeers, turning to his daughter, 'it's your turn to be married next. You must make haste.'

CHAPTER 39. In which another old Friend encounters Smike, very opportunely and to some Purpose 342

The sarcastic tone of this reply might have provoked a rather acrimonious retort from Miss Squeers, who,

besides being of a constitutionally vicious temperaggravated, just now, by travel and recent joltingwas

somewhat irritated by old recollections and the failure of her own designs upon Mr Browdie; and the

acrimonious retort might have led to a great many other retorts, which might have led to Heaven knows what,

if the subject of conversation had not been, at that precise moment, accidentally changed by Mr Squeers

'What do you think?' said that gentleman; 'who do you suppose we have laid hands on, Wackford and me?'

'Pa! not Mr?' Miss Squeers was unable to finish the sentence, but Mrs Browdie did it for her, and added,

'Wa'at!' exclaimed John Browdie, pushing away his plate. 'Got that poordom'd scoondrel? Where?'

'Why, in the top back room, at my lodging,' replied Squeers, 'with him on one side, and the key on the other.'

'At thy loodgin'! Thee'st gotten him at thy loodgin'? Ho! ho! The schoolmeasther agin all England. Give us

thee hond, mun; I'm darned but I must shak thee by the hond for thot.Gotten him at thy loodgin'?'

'Yes,' replied Squeers, staggering in his chair under the congratulatory blow on the chest which the stout

Yorkshireman dealt him; 'thankee. Don't do it again. You mean it kindly, I know, but it hurts rather. Yes,

'I thought it would surprise you a bit,' said Squeers, rubbing his hands. 'It was pretty neatly done, and pretty

'Hoo wor it?' inquired John, sitting down close to him. 'Tell us all aboot it, mun; coom, quick!'

Although he could not keep pace with John Browdie's impatience, Mr Squeers related the lucky chance by

which Smike had fallen into his hands, as quickly as he could, and, except when he was interrupted by the

admiring remarks of his auditors, paused not in the recital until he had brought it to an end.

'For fear he should give me the slip, by any chance,' observed Squeers, when he had finished, looking very

CHAPTER 39. In which another old Friend encounters Smike, very opportunely and to some Purpose 343

cunning, 'I've taken three outsides for tomorrow morningfor Wackford and him and me and have

arranged to leave the accounts and the new boys to the agent, don't you see? So it's very lucky you come

today, or you'd have missed us; and as it is, unless you could come and tea with me tonight, we shan't see

'Dean't say anoother wurd,' returned the Yorkshireman, shaking him by the hand. 'We'd coom, if it was

'No, would you though?' returned Mr Squeers, who had not expected quite such a ready acceptance of his

John Browdie's only reply was another squeeze of the hand, and an assurance that they would not begin to see

London till tomorrow, so that they might be at Mr Snawley's at six o'clock without fail; and after some

During the remainder of the day, Mr Browdie was in a very odd and excitable state; bursting occasionally

into an explosion of laughter, and then taking up his hat and running into the coachyard to have it out by

himself. He was very restless too, constantly walking in and out, and snapping his fingers, and dancing scraps

of uncouth country dances, and, in short, conducting himself in such a very extraordinary manner, that Miss

Squeers opined he was going mad, and, begging her dear 'Tilda not to distress herself, communicated her

suspicions in so many words. Mrs Browdie, however, without discovering any great alarm, observed that she

had seen him so once before, and that although he was almost sure to be ill after it, it would not be anything

The result proved her to be perfectly correct for, while they were all sitting in Mr Snawley's parlour that

night, and just as it was beginning to get dusk, John Browdie was taken so ill, and seized with such an

alarming dizziness in the head, that the whole company were thrown into the utmost consternation. His good

lady, indeed, was the only person present, who retained presence of mind enough to observe that if he were

allowed to lie down on Mr Squeers's bed for an hour or so, and left entirely to himself, he would be sure to

recover again almost as quickly as he had been taken ill. Nobody could refuse to try the effect of so

reasonable a proposal, before sending for a surgeon. Accordingly, John was supported upstairs, with great

difficulty; being a monstrous weight, and regularly tumbling down two steps every time they hoisted him up

three; and, being laid on the bed, was left in charge of his wife, who, after a short interval, reappeared in the

Now, the fact was, that at that particular moment, John Browdie was sitting on the bed with the reddest face

ever seen, cramming the corner of the pillow into his mouth, to prevent his roaring out loud with laughter. He

had no sooner succeeded in suppressing this emotion, than he slipped off his shoes, and creeping to the

adjoining room where the prisoner was confined, turned the key, which was on the outside, and darting in,

'Odsbobs, dost thee not know me, mun?' whispered the Yorkshireman to the bewildered lad. 'Browdie. Chap

'Help thee!' replied John, stopping his mouth again, the instant he had said this much. 'Thee didn't need help,

if thee warn't as silly yoongster as ever draw'd breath. Wa'at did 'ee come here for, then?'

CHAPTER 39. In which another old Friend encounters Smike, very opportunely and to some Purpose 344

'Brout thee!' replied John. 'Why didn't 'ee punch his head, or lay theeself doon and kick, and squeal out for the

pollis? I'd ha' licked a doozen such as him when I was yoong as thee. But thee be'est a poor brokendoon

chap,' said John, sadly, 'and God forgi' me for bragging ower yan o' his weakest creeturs!'

'Stan' still,' said the Yorkshireman, 'and doant'ee speak a morsel o' talk till I tell'ee.'

With this caution, John Browdie shook his head significantly, and drawing a screwdriver from his pocket,

took off the box of the lock in a very deliberate and workmanlike manner, and laid it, together with the

'I say, coot awa',' repeated John, hastily. 'Dost thee know where thee livest? Thee dost? Weel. Are yon thy

'Mine,' replied Smike, as the Yorkshireman hurried him to the adjoining room, and pointed out a pair of shoes

'On wi' 'em,' said John, forcing the wrong arm into the wrong sleeve, and winding the tails of the coat round

the fugitive's neck. 'Noo, foller me, and when thee get'st ootside door, turn to the right, and they wean't see

'Butbuthe'll hear me shut the door,' replied Smike, trembling from head to foot.

'Then dean't shut it at all,' retorted John Browdie. 'Dang it, thee bean't afeard o' schoolmeasther's takkin cold,

'Nno,' said Smike, his teeth chattering in his head. 'But he brought me back before, and will again. He will,

'He wull, he wull!' replied John impatiently. 'He wean't, he wean't. Look'ee! I wont to do this neighbourly

loike, and let them think thee's gotten awa' o' theeself, but if he cooms oot o' thot parlour awhiles theer't

clearing off, he mun' have mercy on his oun boans, for I wean't. If he foinds it oot, soon efther, I'll put 'un on

a wrong scent, I warrant 'ee. But if thee keep'st a good hart, thee'lt be at whoam afore they know thee'st gotten

Smike, who comprehended just enough of this to know it was intended as encouragement, prepared to follow

'Thee'lt just tell yoong Measther that I'm sploiced to 'Tilly Price, and to be heerd on at the Saracen by latther,

and that I bean't jealous of 'undang it, I'm loike to boost when I think o' that neight! 'Cod, I think I see 'un

It was rather a ticklish recollection for John just then, for he was within an ace of breaking out into a loud

guffaw. Restraining himself, however, just in time, by a great effort, he glided downstairs, hauling Smike

behind him; and placing himself close to the parlour door, to confront the first person that might come out,

CHAPTER 39. In which another old Friend encounters Smike, very opportunely and to some Purpose 345

Having got so far, Smike needed no second bidding. Opening the housedoor gently, and casting a look of

mingled gratitude and terror at his deliverer, he took the direction which had been indicated to him, and sped

The Yorkshireman remained on his post for a few minutes, but, finding that there was no pause in the

conversation inside, crept back again unheard, and stood, listening over the stairrail, for a full hour.

Everything remaining perfectly quiet, he got into Mr Squeers's bed, once more, and drawing the clothes over

If there could only have been somebody by, to see how the bedclothes shook, and to see the Yorkshireman's

great red face and round head appear above the sheets, every now and then, like some jovial monster coming

to the surface to breathe, and once more dive down convulsed with the laughter which came bursting forth

afreshthat somebody would have been scarcely less amused than John Browdie himself.

Once more out of the clutches of his old persecutor, it needed no fresh stimulation to call forth the utmost

energy and exertion that Smike was capable of summoning to his aid. Without pausing for a moment to

reflect upon the course he was taking, or the probability of its leading him homewards or the reverse, he fled

away with surprising swiftness and constancy of purpose, borne upon such wings as only Fear can wear, and

impelled by imaginary shouts in the well remembered voice of Squeers, who, with a host of pursuers, seemed

to the poor fellow's disordered senses to press hard upon his track; now left at a greater distance in the rear,

and now gaining faster and faster upon him, as the alternations of hope and terror agitated him by turns. Long

after he had become assured that these sounds were but the creation of his excited brain, he still held on, at a

pace which even weakness and exhaustion could scarcely retard. It was not until the darkness and quiet of a

country road, recalled him to a sense of external objects, and the starry sky, above, warned him of the rapid

flight of time, that, covered with dust and panting for breath, he stopped to listen and look about him.

All was still and silent. A glare of light in the distance, casting a warm glow upon the sky, marked where the

huge city lay. Solitary fields, divided by hedges and ditches, through many of which he had crashed and

scrambled in his flight, skirted the road, both by the way he had come and upon the opposite side. It was late

now. They could scarcely trace him by such paths as he had taken, and if he could hope to regain his own

dwelling, it must surely be at such a time as that, and under cover of the darkness. This, by degrees, became

pretty plain, even to the mind of Smike. He had, at first, entertained some vague and childish idea of

travelling into the country for ten or a dozen miles, and then returning homewards by a wide circuit, which

should keep him clear of Londonso great was his apprehension of traversing the streets alone, lest he

should again encounter his dreaded enemybut, yielding to the conviction which these thoughts inspired, he

turned back, and taking the open road, though not without many fears and misgivings, made for London

again, with scarcely less speed of foot than that with which he had left the temporary abode of Mr Squeers.

By the time he reentered it, at the western extremity, the greater part of the shops were closed. Of the

throngs of people who had been tempted abroad after the heat of the day, but few remained in the streets, and

they were lounging home. But of these he asked his way from time to time, and by dint of repeated inquiries,

All that evening, Newman had been hunting and searching in byways and corners for the very person who

now knocked at his door, while Nicholas had been pursuing the same inquiry in other directions. He was

sitting, with a melancholy air, at his poor supper, when Smike's timorous and uncertain knock reached his

CHAPTER 40. In which Nicholas falls in Love. He employs a Mediator, whose Proceedings are crowned with unexpected Success, excepting in one solitary Particular 346

ears. Alive to every sound, in his anxious and expectant state, Newman hurried downstairs, and, uttering a cry

of joyful surprise, dragged the welcome visitor into the passage and up the stairs, and said not a word until he

had him safe in his own garret and the door was shut behind them, when he mixed a great mugfull of

ginandwater, and holding it to Smike's mouth, as one might hold a bowl of medicine to the lips of a

Newman looked uncommonly blank when he found that Smike did little more than put his lips to the precious

mixture; he was in the act of raising the mug to his own mouth with a deep sigh of compassion for his poor

friend's weakness, when Smike, beginning to relate the adventures which had befallen him, arrested him

It was odd enough to see the change that came over Newman as Smike proceeded. At first he stood, rubbing

his lips with the back of his hand, as a preparatory ceremony towards composing himself for a draught; then,

at the mention of Squeers, he took the mug under his arm, and opening his eyes very wide, looked on, in the

utmost astonishment. When Smike came to the assault upon himself in the hackney coach, he hastily

deposited the mug upon the table, and limped up and down the room in a state of the greatest excitement,

stopping himself with a jerk, every now and then, as if to listen more attentively. When John Browdie came

to be spoken of, he dropped, by slow and gradual degrees, into a chair, and rubbing, his hands upon his

kneesquicker and quicker as the story reached its climaxburst, at last, into a laugh composed of one loud

sonorous 'Ha! ha!' having given vent to which, his countenance immediately fell again as he inquired, with

the utmost anxiety, whether it was probable that John Browdie and Squeers had come to blows.

'No! I think not,' replied Smike. 'I don't think he could have missed me till I had got quite away.'

Newman scratched his head with a shout of great disappointment, and once more lifting up the mug, applied

himself to the contents; smiling meanwhile, over the rim, with a grim and ghastly smile at Smike.

'You shall stay here,' said Newman; 'you're tiredfagged. I'll tell them you're come back. They have been

'Amen!' returned Newman. 'He hasn't had a minute's rest or peace; no more has the old lady, nor Miss

'No, no. Has SHE thought about me?' said Smike. 'Has she though? oh, has she, has she? Don't tell me so if

He was going on, in his enthusiasm, when, chancing to look at his companion, he saw that he had covered his

CHAPTER 40. In which Nicholas falls in Love. He employs a Mediator, whose Proceedings are crowned with unexpected Success, excepting in one solitary Particular 347

A moment before, the boy's eyes were sparkling with unwonted fire, and every feature had been lighted up

with an excitement which made him appear, for the moment, quite a different being.

'Well, well,' muttered Newman, as if he were a little puzzled. 'It has touched ME, more than once, to think

such a nature should have been exposed to such trials; this poor fellowyes, yes,he feels that tooit

softens himmakes him think of his former misery. Hah! That's it? Yes, that'shum!'

It was by no means clear, from the tone of these broken reflections, that Newman Noggs considered them as

explaining, at all satisfactorily, the emotion which had suggested them. He sat, in a musing attitude, for some

time, regarding Smike occasionally with an anxious and doubtful glance, which sufficiently showed that he

At length he repeated his proposition that Smike should remain where he was for that night, and that he

(Noggs) should straightway repair to the cottage to relieve the suspense of the family. But, as Smike would

not hear of thispleading his anxiety to see his friends againthey eventually sallied forth together; and the

night being, by this time, far advanced, and Smike being, besides, so footsore that he could hardly crawl

At the first sound of their voices outside the house, Nicholas, who had passed a sleepless night, devising

schemes for the recovery of his lost charge, started from his bed, and joyfully admitted them. There was so

much noisy conversation, and congratulation, and indignation, that the remainder of the family were soon

awakened, and Smike received a warm and cordial welcome, not only from Kate, but from Mrs Nickleby

also, who assured him of her future favour and regard, and was so obliging as to relate, for his entertainment

and that of the assembled circle, a most remarkable account extracted from some work the name of which she

had never known, of a miraculous escape from some prison, but what one she couldn't remember, effected by

an officer whose name she had forgotten, confined for some crime which she didn't clearly recollect.

At first Nicholas was disposed to give his uncle credit for some portion of this bold attempt (which had so

nearly proved successful) to carry off Smike; but on more mature consideration, he was inclined to think that

the full merit of it rested with Mr Squeers. Determined to ascertain, if he could, through John Browdie, how

the case really stood, he betook himself to his daily occupation: meditating, as he went, on a great variety of

schemes for the punishment of the Yorkshire schoolmaster, all of which had their foundation in the strictest

principles of retributive justice, and had but the one drawback of being wholly impracticable.

'Ah!' replied Tim, 'talk of the country, indeed! What do you think of this, now, for a daya London

'Pooh! pooh!' said Tim Linkinwater, 'don't tell me. Country!' (Bow was quite a rustic place to Tim.)

'Nonsense! What can you get in the country but newlaid eggs and flowers? I can buy newlaid eggs in

Leadenhall Market, any morning before breakfast; and as to flowers, it's worth a run upstairs to smell my

mignonette, or to see the double wallflower in the backattic window, at No. 6, in the court.'

CHAPTER 40. In which Nicholas falls in Love. He employs a Mediator, whose Proceedings are crowned with unexpected Success, excepting in one solitary Particular 348

'Yes, is there!' replied Tim, 'and planted in a cracked jug, without a spout. There were hyacinths there, this

Tim looked wistfully at him, for a moment, as if he were encouraged by the tone of this reply to be more

communicative on the subject; and sticking behind his ear, a pen that he had been making, and shutting up his

'They belong to a sickly bedridden humpbacked boy, and seem to be the only pleasure, Mr Nickleby, of his

sad existence. How many years is it,' said Tim, pondering, 'since I first noticed him, quite a little child,

dragging himself about on a pair of tiny crutches? Well! Well! Not many; but though they would appear

nothing, if I thought of other things, they seem a long, long time, when I think of him. It is a sad thing,' said

Tim, breaking off, 'to see a little deformed child sitting apart from other children, who are active and merry,

watching the games he is denied the power to share in. He made my heart ache very often.'

'It is a good heart,' said Nicholas, 'that disentangles itself from the close avocations of every day, to heed such

'That the flowers belonged to this poor boy,' said Tim; 'that's all. When it is fine weather, and he can crawl

out of bed, he draws a chair close to the window, and sits there, looking at them and arranging them, all day

long. He used to nod, at first, and then we came to speak. Formerly, when I called to him of a morning, and

asked him how he was, he would smile, and say, "Better!" but now he shakes his head, and only bends more

closely over his old plants. It must be dull to watch the dark housetops and the flying clouds, for so many

'His father lives there, I believe,' replied Tim, 'and other people too; but no one seems to care much for the

poor sickly cripple. I have asked him, very often, if I can do nothing for him; his answer is always the same.

"Nothing." His voice is growing weak of late, but I can SEE that he makes the old reply. He can't leave his

bed now, so they have moved it close beside the window, and there he lies, all day: now looking at the sky,

and now at his flowers, which he still makes shift to trim and water, with his own thin hands. At night, when

he sees my candle, he draws back his curtain, and leaves it so, till I am in bed. It seems such company to him

to know that I am there, that I often sit at my window for an hour or more, that he may see I am still awake;

and sometimes I get up in the night to look at the dull melancholy light in his little room, and wonder whether

'The night will not be long coming,' said Tim, 'when he will sleep, and never wake again on earth. We have

never so much as shaken hands in all our lives; and yet I shall miss him like an old friend. Are there any

country flowers that could interest me like these, do you think? Or do you suppose that the withering of a

hundred kinds of the choicest flowers that blow, called by the hardest Latin names that were ever invented,

would give me one fraction of the pain that I shall feel when these old jugs and bottles are swept away as

lumber? Country!' cried Tim, with a contemptuous emphasis; 'don't you know that I couldn't have such a

With which inquiry, Tim turned his back, and pretending to be absorbed in his accounts, took an opportunity

CHAPTER 40. In which Nicholas falls in Love. He employs a Mediator, whose Proceedings are crowned with unexpected Success, excepting in one solitary Particular 349

Whether it was that Tim's accounts were more than usually intricate that morning, or whether it was that his

habitual serenity had been a little disturbed by these recollections, it so happened that when Nicholas returned

from executing some commission, and inquired whether Mr Charles Cheeryble was alone in his room, Tim

promptly, and without the smallest hesitation, replied in the affirmative, although somebody had passed into

the room not ten minutes before, and Tim took especial and particular pride in preventing any intrusion on

'I'll take this letter to him at once,' said Nicholas, 'if that's the case.' And with that, he walked to the room and

So, Nicholas opened the door and walked in; and very quickly he turned to walk out again, when he saw, to

his great astonishment and discomfiture, a young lady upon her knees at Mr Cheeryble's feet, and Mr

Cheeryble beseeching her to rise, and entreating a third person, who had the appearance of the young lady's

Nicholas stammered out an awkward apology, and was precipitately retiring, when the young lady, turning

her head a little, presented to his view the features of the lovely girl whom he had seen at the registeroffice

on his first visit long before. Glancing from her to the attendant, he recognised the same clumsy servant who

had accompanied her then; and between his admiration of the young lady's beauty, and the confusion and

surprise of this unexpected recognition, he stood stockstill, in such a bewildered state of surprise and

embarrassment that, for the moment, he was quite bereft of the power either to speak or move.

'My dear ma'ammy dear young lady,' cried brother Charles in violent agitation, 'pray don'tnot another

word, I beseech and entreat you! I implore youI beg of youto rise. Weweare not alone.'

As he spoke, he raised the young lady, who staggered to a chair and swooned away.

'Poor dear, poor dear!' cried brother Charles 'Where is my brother Ned? Ned, my dear brother, come here

'Brother Charles, my dear fellow,' replied his brother, hurrying into the room, 'what is theah! what'

'Hush! hush!not a word for your life, brother Ned,' returned the other. 'Ring for the housekeeper, my dear

brothercall Tim Linkinwater! Here, Tim Linkinwater, sirMr Nickleby, my dear sir, leave the room, I

'I think she is better now,' said Nicholas, who had been watching the patient so eagerly, that he had not heard

'Poor bird!' cried brother Charles, gently taking her hand in his, and laying her head upon his arm. 'Brother

Ned, my dear fellow, you will be surprised, I know, to witness this, in business hours; but' here he was

CHAPTER 40. In which Nicholas falls in Love. He employs a Mediator, whose Proceedings are crowned with unexpected Success, excepting in one solitary Particular 350

again reminded of the presence of Nicholas, and shaking him by the hand, earnestly requested him to leave

Nicholas immediately withdrew and, on his way to the countinghouse, met both the old housekeeper and

Tim Linkinwater, jostling each other in the passage, and hurrying to the scene of action with extraordinary

speed. Without waiting to hear his message, Tim Linkinwater darted into the room, and presently afterwards

He had abundance of time to ruminate on this discovery, for Tim Linkinwater was absent during the greater

part of an hour, during the whole of which time Nicholas thought of nothing but the young lady, and her

exceeding beauty, and what could possibly have brought her there, and why they made such a mystery of it.

The more he thought of all this, the more it perplexed him, and the more anxious he became to know who and

what she was. 'I should have known her among ten thousand,' thought Nicholas. And with that he walked up

and down the room, and recalling her face and figure (of which he had a peculiarly vivid remembrance),

At length Tim Linkinwater came backprovokingly cool, and with papers in his hand, and a pen in his

'What do you make, Mr Nickleby,' said Tim, taking his pen out of his mouth, 'what do you make of four

'About the young lady,' said Tim Linkinwater, putting on his spectacles. 'To be sure. Yes. Oh! she's very

Nicholas hazarded one or two further remarks, but it was evident that Tim Linkinwater had his own reasons

for evading the subject, and that he was determined to afford no further information respecting the fair

CHAPTER 40. In which Nicholas falls in Love. He employs a Mediator, whose Proceedings are crowned with unexpected Success, excepting in one solitary Particular 351

unknown, who had awakened so much curiosity in the breast of his young friend. Nothing daunted by this

repulse, Nicholas returned to the charge next day, emboldened by the circumstance of Mr Linkinwater being

in a very talkative and communicative mood; but, directly he resumed the theme, Tim relapsed into a state of

most provoking taciturnity, and from answering in monosyllables, came to returning no answers at all, save

such as were to be inferred from several grave nods and shrugs, which only served to whet that appetite for

intelligence in Nicholas, which had already attained a most unreasonable height.

Foiled in these attempts, he was fain to content himself with watching for the young lady's next visit, but here

again he was disappointed. Day after day passed, and she did not return. He looked eagerly at the

superscription of all the notes and letters, but there was not one among them which he could fancy to be in

her handwriting. On two or three occasions he was employed on business which took him to a distance, and

had formerly been transacted by Tim Linkinwater. Nicholas could not help suspecting that, for some reason

or other, he was sent out of the way on purpose, and that the young lady was there in his absence. Nothing

transpired, however, to confirm this suspicion, and Tim could not be entrapped into any confession or

Mystery and disappointment are not absolutely indispensable to the growth of love, but they are, very often,

its powerful auxiliaries. 'Out of sight, out of mind,' is well enough as a proverb applicable to cases of

friendship, though absence is not always necessary to hollowness of heart, even between friends, and truth

and honesty, like precious stones, are perhaps most easily imitated at a distance, when the counterfeits often

pass for real. Love, however, is very materially assisted by a warm and active imagination: which has a long

memory, and will thrive, for a considerable time, on very slight and sparing food. Thus it is, that it often

attains its most luxuriant growth in separation and under circumstances of the utmost difficulty; and thus it

was, that Nicholas, thinking of nothing but the unknown young lady, from day to day and from hour to hour,

began, at last, to think that he was very desperately in love with her, and that never was such an illused and

Still, though he loved and languished after the most orthodox models, and was only deterred from making a

confidante of Kate by the slight considerations of having never, in all his life, spoken to the object of his

passion, and having never set eyes upon her, except on two occasions, on both of which she had come and

gone like a flash of lightningor, as Nicholas himself said, in the numerous conversations he held with

himself, like a vision of youth and beauty much too bright to lasthis ardour and devotion remained without

its reward. The young lady appeared no more; so there was a great deal of love wasted (enough indeed to

have set up halfadozen young gentlemen, as times go, with the utmost decency), and nobody was a bit the

wiser for it; not even Nicholas himself, who, on the contrary, became more dull, sentimental, and

While matters were in this state, the failure of a correspondent of the brothers Cheeryble, in Germany,

imposed upon Tim Linkinwater and Nicholas the necessity of going through some very long and complicated

accounts, extending over a considerable space of time. To get through them with the greater dispatch, Tim

Linkinwater proposed that they should remain at the countinghouse, for a week or so, until ten o'clock at

night; to this, as nothing damped the zeal of Nicholas in the service of his kind patronsnot even romance,

which has seldom business habitshe cheerfully assented. On the very first night of these later hours, at nine

exactly, there came: not the young lady herself, but her servant, who, being closeted with brother Charles for

some time, went away, and returned next night at the same hour, and on the next, and on the next again.

These repeated visits inflamed the curiosity of Nicholas to the very highest pitch. Tantalised and excited,

beyond all bearing, and unable to fathom the mystery without neglecting his duty, he confided the whole

secret to Newman Noggs, imploring him to be on the watch next night; to follow the girl home; to set on foot

such inquiries relative to the name, condition, and history of her mistress, as he could, without exciting

CHAPTER 40. In which Nicholas falls in Love. He employs a Mediator, whose Proceedings are crowned with unexpected Success, excepting in one solitary Particular 352

Beyond all measure proud of this commission, Newman Noggs took up his post, in the square, on the

following evening, a full hour before the needful time, and planting himself behind the pump and pulling his

hat over his eyes, began his watch with an elaborate appearance of mystery, admirably calculated to excite

the suspicion of all beholders. Indeed, divers servant girls who came to draw water, and sundry little boys

who stopped to drink at the ladle, were almost scared out of their senses, by the apparition of Newman Noggs

looking stealthily round the pump, with nothing of him visible but his face, and that wearing the expression

Punctual to her time, the messenger came again, and, after an interview of rather longer duration than usual,

departed. Newman had made two appointments with Nicholas: one for the next evening, conditional on his

success: and one the next night following, which was to be kept under all circumstances. The first night he

was not at the place of meeting (a certain tavern about halfway between the city and Golden Square), but on

'It's all right,' whispered Newman. 'Sit down. Sit down, there's a dear young man, and let me tell you all about

'There's a great deal of news,' said Newman, in a flutter of exultation. 'It's all right. Don't be anxious. I don't

'Bobster!' repeated Nicholas, more emphatically than before. 'That must be the servant's name.'

'No, it an't,' said Newman, shaking his head with great positiveness. 'Miss Cecilia Bobster.'

'Cecilia, eh?' returned Nicholas, muttering the two names together over and over again in every variety of

'Never mind, my dear boy,' retorted Noggs, clapping him on the shoulder. 'I HAVE seen her. You shall see

CHAPTER 40. In which Nicholas falls in Love. He employs a Mediator, whose Proceedings are crowned with unexpected Success, excepting in one solitary Particular 353

'I am,' replied Newman. 'I mean it all. Every word. You shall see her tomorrow night. She consents to hear

you speak for yourself. I persuaded her. She is all affability, goodness, sweetness, and beauty.'

'Where does she live?' cried Nicholas. 'What have you learnt of her history? Has she a fathermotherany

brotherssisters? What did she say? How came you to see her? Was she not very much surprised? Did you

say how passionately I have longed to speak to her? Did you tell her where I had seen her? Did you tell her

how, and when, and where, and how long, and how often, I have thought of that sweet face which came upon

me in my bitterest distress like a glimpse of some better worlddid you, Newmandid you?'

Poor Noggs literally gasped for breath as this flood of questions rushed upon him, and moved spasmodically

in his chair at every fresh inquiry, staring at Nicholas meanwhile with a most ludicrous expression of

'About the glimpse of the better world,' said Newman. 'I didn't tell her who you were, either, or where you'd

'That's true, Newman,' replied Nicholas, with his characteristic vehemence. 'Heaven knows I do!'

'To be sure. Of course she would,' said Nicholas approvingly. Newman then went on to say, that the young

lady was an only child, that her mother was dead, that she resided with her father, and that she had been

induced to allow her lover a secret interview, at the intercession of her servant, who had great influence with

her. He further related how it required much moving and great eloquence to bring the young lady to this pass;

how it was expressly understood that she merely afforded Nicholas an opportunity of declaring his passion;

and how she by no means pledged herself to be favourably impressed with his attentions. The mystery of her

visits to the brothers Cheeryble remained wholly unexplained, for Newman had not alluded to them, either in

his preliminary conversations with the servant or his subsequent interview with the mistress, merely

remarking that he had been instructed to watch the girl home and plead his young friend's cause, and not

saying how far he had followed her, or from what point. But Newman hinted that from what had fallen from

the confidante, he had been led to suspect that the young lady led a very miserable and unhappy life, under

the strict control of her only parent, who was of a violent and brutal temper; a circumstance which he thought

might in some degree account, both for her having sought the protection and friendship of the brothers, and

her suffering herself to be prevailed upon to grant the promised interview. The last he held to be a very

logical deduction from the premises, inasmuch as it was but natural to suppose that a young lady, whose

present condition was so unenviable, would be more than commonly desirous to change it.

CHAPTER 40. In which Nicholas falls in Love. He employs a Mediator, whose Proceedings are crowned with unexpected Success, excepting in one solitary Particular 354

It appeared, on further questioningfor it was only by a very long and arduous process that all this could be

got out of Newman Noggs that Newman, in explanation of his shabby appearance, had represented himself

as being, for certain wise and indispensable purposes connected with that intrigue, in disguise; and, being

questioned how he had come to exceed his commission so far as to procure an interview, he responded, that

the lady appearing willing to grant it, he considered himself bound, both in duty and gallantry, to avail

himself of such a golden means of enabling Nicholas to prosecute his addresses. After these and all possible

questions had been asked and answered twenty times over, they parted, undertaking to meet on the following

night at halfpast ten, for the purpose of fulfilling the appointment; which was for eleven o'clock.

'Things come about very strangely!' thought Nicholas, as he walked home. 'I never contemplated anything of

this kind; never dreamt of the possibility of it. To know something of the life of one in whom I felt such

interest; to see her in the street, to pass the house in which she lived, to meet her sometimes in her walks, to

hope that a day might come when I might be in a condition to tell her of my love, this was the utmost extent

of my thoughts. Now, howeverbut I should be a fool, indeed, to repine at my own good fortune!'

Still, Nicholas was dissatisfied; and there was more in the dissatisfaction than mere revulsion of feeling. He

was angry with the young lady for being so easily won, 'because,' reasoned Nicholas, 'it is not as if she knew

it was I, but it might have been anybody,'which was certainly not pleasant. The next moment, he was

angry with himself for entertaining such thoughts, arguing that nothing but goodness could dwell in such a

temple, and that the behaviour of the brothers sufficiently showed the estimation in which they held her. 'The

fact is, she's a mystery altogether,' said Nicholas. This was not more satisfactory than his previous course of

reflection, and only drove him out upon a new sea of speculation and conjecture, where he tossed and

tumbled, in great discomfort of mind, until the clock struck ten, and the hour of meeting drew nigh.

Nicholas had dressed himself with great care, and even Newman Noggs had trimmed himself up a little; his

coat presenting the phenomenon of two consecutive buttons, and the supplementary pins being inserted at

tolerably regular intervals. He wore his hat, too, in the newest taste, with a pockethandkerchief in the crown,

and a twisted end of it straggling out behind after the fashion of a pigtail, though he could scarcely lay claim

to the ingenuity of inventing this latter decoration, inasmuch as he was utterly unconscious of it: being in a

nervous and excited condition which rendered him quite insensible to everything but the great object of the

They traversed the streets in profound silence; and after walking at a round pace for some distance, arrived in

Newman made no answer to this remark, but, halting abruptly, planted Nicholas with his back to some area

railings, and gave him to understand that he was to wait there, without moving hand or foot, until it was

satisfactorily ascertained that the coast was clear. This done, Noggs limped away with great alacrity; looking

over his shoulder every instant, to make quite certain that Nicholas was obeying his directions; and,

After a short delay, he reappeared, and limping back again, halted midway, and beckoned Nicholas to follow

CHAPTER 40. In which Nicholas falls in Love. He employs a Mediator, whose Proceedings are crowned with unexpected Success, excepting in one solitary Particular 355

'All right,' replied Newman, in high glee. 'All ready; nobody at home. Couldn't be better. Ha! ha!'

With this fortifying assurance, he stole past a streetdoor, on which Nicholas caught a glimpse of a brass

plate, with 'BOBSTER,' in very large letters; and, stopping at the areagate, which was open, signed to his

'What the devil!' cried Nicholas, drawing back. 'Are we to sneak into the kitchen, as if we came after the

'Hush!' replied Newman. 'Old Bobsterferocious Turk. He'd kill 'em allbox the young lady's earshe

'What!' cried Nicholas, in high wrath, 'do you mean to tell me that any man would dare to box the ears of

He had no time to sing the praises of his mistress, just then, for Newman gave him a gentle push which had

nearly precipitated him to the bottom of the area steps. Thinking it best to take the hint in good part, Nicholas

descended, without further remonstrance, but with a countenance bespeaking anything rather than the hope

and rapture of a passionate lover. Newman followedhe would have followed head first, but for the timely

assistance of Nicholasand, taking his hand, led him through a stone passage, profoundly dark, into a

backkitchen or cellar, of the blackest and most pitchy obscurity, where they stopped.

'Well!' said Nicholas, in a discontented whisper, 'this is not all, I suppose, is it?'

'I am glad to hear it,' said Nicholas. 'I shouldn't have thought it, I confess.'

They exchanged no further words, and there Nicholas stood, listening to the loud breathing of Newman

Noggs, and imagining that his nose seemed to glow like a redhot coal, even in the midst of the darkness

which enshrouded them. Suddenly the sound of cautious footsteps attracted his ear, and directly afterwards a

'Yes,' replied Nicholas, turning towards the corner from which the voice proceeded. 'Who is that?'

A gleam of light shone into the place, and presently the servant girl appeared, bearing a light, and followed

At sight of the young lady, Nicholas started and changed colour; his heart beat violently, and he stood rooted

to the spot. At that instant, and almost simultaneously with her arrival and that of the candle, there was heard

a loud and furious knocking at the street door, which caused Newman Noggs to jump up, with great agility,

from a beerbarrel on which he had been seated astride, and to exclaim abruptly, and with a face of ashy

The young lady shrieked, the attendant wrung her hands, Nicholas gazed from one to the other in apparent

stupefaction, and Newman hurried to and fro, thrusting his hands into all his pockets successively, and

drawing out the linings of every one in the excess of his irresolution. It was but a moment, but the confusion

CHAPTER 40. In which Nicholas falls in Love. He employs a Mediator, whose Proceedings are crowned with unexpected Success, excepting in one solitary Particular 356

'Leave the house, for Heaven's sake! We have done wrong, we deserve it all,' cried the young lady. 'Leave the

'Will you hear me say but one word?' cried Nicholas. 'Only one. I will not detain you. Will you hear me say

But Nicholas might as well have spoken to the wind, for the young lady, with distracted looks, hurried up the

stairs. He would have followed her, but Newman, twisting his hand in his coat collar, dragged him towards

'Let me go, Newman, in the Devil's name!' cried Nicholas. 'I must speak to her. I will! I will not leave this

'Reputationcharacterviolenceconsider,' said Newman, clinging round him with both arms, and

hurrying him away. 'Let them open the door. We'll go, as we came, directly it's shut. Come. This way. Here.'

Overpowered by the remonstrances of Newman, and the tears and prayers of the girl, and the tremendous

knocking above, which had never ceased, Nicholas allowed himself to be hurried off; and, precisely as Mr

Bobster made his entrance by the streetdoor, he and Noggs made their exit by the areagate.

They hurried away, through several streets, without stopping or speaking. At last, they halted and confronted

'Never mind,' said Newman, gasping for breath. 'Don't be cast down. It's all right. More fortunate next time. It

'Excellently,' replied Nicholas, taking his hand. 'Excellently, and like the true and zealous friend you are.

Onlymind, I am not disappointed, Newman, and feel just as much indebted to youonly IT WAS THE

'Newman, Newman,' said Nicholas, laying his hand upon his shoulder: 'it was the wrong servant too.'

Newman's underjaw dropped, and he gazed at Nicholas, with his sound eye fixed fast and motionless in his

'Don't take it to heart,' said Nicholas; 'it's of no consequence; you see I don't care about it; you followed the

That WAS all. Whether Newman Noggs had looked round the pump, in a slanting direction, so long, that his

sight became impaired; or whether, finding that there was time to spare, he had recruited himself with a few

drops of something stronger than the pump could yieldby whatsoever means it had come to pass, this was

his mistake. And Nicholas went home to brood upon it, and to meditate upon the charms of the unknown

CHAPTER 40. In which Nicholas falls in Love. He employs a Mediator, whose Proceedings are crowned with unexpected Success, excepting in one solitary Particular 357

Ever since her last momentous conversation with her son, Mrs Nickleby had begun to display unusual care in

the adornment of her person, gradually superadding to those staid and matronly habiliments, which had, up to

that time, formed her ordinary attire, a variety of embellishments and decorations, slight perhaps in

themselves, but, taken together, and considered with reference to the subject of her disclosure, of no mean

importance. Even her black dress assumed something of a deadlylively air from the jaunty style in which it

was worn; and, eked out as its lingering attractions were; by a prudent disposal, here and there, of certain

juvenile ornaments of little or no value, which had, for that reason alone, escaped the general wreck and been

permitted to slumber peacefully in odd corners of old drawers and boxes where daylight seldom shone, her

mourning garments assumed quite a new character. From being the outward tokens of respect and sorrow for

the dead, they became converted into signals of very slaughterous and killing designs upon the living.

Mrs Nickleby might have been stimulated to this proceeding by a lofty sense of duty, and impulses of

unquestionable excellence. She might, by this time, have become impressed with the sinfulness of long

indulgence in unavailing woe, or the necessity of setting a proper example of neatness and decorum to her

blooming daughter. Considerations of duty and responsibility apart, the change might have taken its rise in

feelings of the purest and most disinterested charity. The gentleman next door had been vilified by Nicholas;

rudely stigmatised as a dotard and an idiot; and for these attacks upon his understanding, Mrs Nickleby was,

in some sort, accountable. She might have felt that it was the act of a good Christian to show by all means in

her power, that the abused gentleman was neither the one nor the other. And what better means could she

adopt, towards so virtuous and laudable an end, than proving to all men, in her own person, that his passion

was the most rational and reasonable in the world, and just the very result, of all others, which discreet and

thinking persons might have foreseen, from her incautiously displaying her matured charms, without reserve,

'Ah!' said Mrs Nickleby, gravely shaking her head; 'if Nicholas knew what his poor dear papa suffered before

we were engaged, when I used to hate him, he would have a little more feeling. Shall I ever forget the

morning I looked scornfully at him when he offered to carry my parasol? Or that night, when I frowned at

Whether the deceased might not have been better off if he had emigrated in his bachelor days, was a question

which his relict did not stop to consider; for Kate entered the room, with her workbox, in this stage of her

reflections; and a much slighter interruption, or no interruption at all, would have diverted Mrs Nickleby's

'Kate, my dear,' said Mrs Nickleby; 'I don't know how it is, but a fine warm summer day like this, with the

birds singing in every direction, always puts me in mind of roast pig, with sage and onion sauce, and made

'Upon my word, my dear, I don't know,' replied Mrs Nickleby. 'Roast pig; let me see. On the day five weeks

after you were christened, we had a roastno, that couldn't have been a pig, either, because I recollect there

were a pair of them to carve, and your poor papa and I could never have thought of sitting down to two

pigsthey must have been partridges. Roast pig! I hardly think we ever could have had one, now I come to

remember, for your papa could never bear the sight of them in the shops, and used to say that they always put

him in mind of very little babies, only the pigs had much fairer complexions; and he had a horror of little

babies, to, because he couldn't very well afford any increase to his family, and had a natural dislike to the

CHAPTER 41. Containing some Romantic Passages between Mrs Nickleby and the Gentleman in the Smallclothes next Door 358

subject. It's very odd now, what can have put that in my head! I recollect dining once at Mrs Bevan's, in that

broad street round the corner by the coachmaker's, where the tipsy man fell through the cellarflap of an

empty house nearly a week before the quarterday, and wasn't found till the new tenant went inand we had

roast pig there. It must be that, I think, that reminds me of it, especially as there was a little bird in the room

that would keep on singing all the time of dinnerat least, not a little bird, for it was a parrot, and he didn't

sing exactly, for he talked and swore dreadfully: but I think it must be that. Indeed I am sure it must.

'I should say there was not a doubt about it, mama,' returned Kate, with a cheerful smile.

'No; but DO you think so, Kate?' said Mrs Nickleby, with as much gravity as if it were a question of the most

imminent and thrilling interest. 'If you don't, say so at once, you know; because it's just as well to be correct,

particularly on a point of this kind, which is very curious and worth settling while one thinks about it.'

Kate laughingly replied that she was quite convinced; and as her mama still appeared undetermined whether

it was not absolutely essential that the subject should be renewed, proposed that they should take their work

into the summerhouse, and enjoy the beauty of the afternoon. Mrs Nickleby readily assented, and to the

'Well, I will say,' observed Mrs Nickleby, as she took her seat, 'that there never was such a good creature as

Smike. Upon my word, the pains he has taken in putting this little arbour to rights, and training the sweetest

flowers about it, are beyond anything I could haveI wish he wouldn't put ALL the gravel on your side,

'No, indeed, my dear. I shall keep my own side,' said Mrs Nickleby. 'Well! I declare!'

'If he hasn't been,' said Mrs Nickleby, 'and got, from somewhere or other, a couple of roots of those flowers

that I said I was so fond of, the other night, and asked you if you were notno, that YOU said YOU were so

fond of, the other night, and asked me if I wasn'tit's the same thing. Now, upon my word, I take that as

very kind and attentive indeed! I don't see,' added Mrs Nickleby, looking narrowly about her, 'any of them on

my side, but I suppose they grow best near the gravel. You may depend upon it they do, Kate, and that's the

reason they are all near you, and he has put the gravel there, because it's the sunny side. Upon my word, that's

'Mama,' said Kate, bending over her work so that her face was almost hidden, 'before you were married'

'Dear me, Kate,' interrupted Mrs Nickleby, 'what in the name of goodness graciousness makes you fly off to

the time before I was married, when I'm talking to you about his thoughtfulness and attention to me? You

'Well then, my dear, why don't you praise the neatness and prettiness with which it's kept?' said Mrs

CHAPTER 41. Containing some Romantic Passages between Mrs Nickleby and the Gentleman in the Smallclothes next Door 359

'I scarcely ever hear you, my dear,' retorted Mrs Nickleby; 'that's all I've got to say.' By this time the good

lady had been a long while upon one topic, so she fell at once into her daughter's little trap, if trap it were, and

'About what, mama?' said Kate, who had apparently quite forgotten her diversion.

'Lor, Kate, my dear,' returned her mother, 'why, you're asleep or stupid! About the time before I was married.'

'Oh yes!' said Kate, 'I remember. I was going to ask, mama, before you were married, had you many suitors?'

'Suitors, my dear!' cried Mrs Nickleby, with a smile of wonderful complacency. 'First and last, Kate, I must

'I had indeed, my dear,' said Mrs Nickleby; 'not including your poor papa, or a young gentleman who used to

go, at that time, to the same dancing school, and who WOULD send gold watches and bracelets to our house

in giltedged paper, (which were always returned,) and who afterwards unfortunately went out to Botany Bay

in a cadet shipa convict ship I meanand escaped into a bush and killed sheep, (I don't know how they

got there,) and was going to be hung, only he accidentally choked himself, and the government pardoned him.

Then there was young Lukin,' said Mrs Nickleby, beginning with her left thumb and checking off the names

Having now reached her little finger, Mrs Nickleby was carrying the account over to the other hand, when a

loud 'Hem!' which appeared to come from the very foundation of the gardenwall, gave both herself and her

'Upon my word, my dear,' returned Mrs Nickleby, considerably startled, 'unless it was the gentleman

'Ahem!' cried the same voice; and that, not in the tone of an ordinary clearing of the throat, but in a kind of

bellow, which woke up all the echoes in the neighbourhood, and was prolonged to an extent which must have

'I understand it now, my dear,' said Mrs Nickleby, laying her hand on Kate's; 'don't be alarmed, my love, it's

not directed to you, and is not intended to frighten anybody. Let us give everybody their due, Kate; I am

So saying, Mrs Nickleby nodded her head, and patted the back of her daughter's hand, a great many times,

and looked as if she could tell something vastly important if she chose, but had selfdenial, thank Heaven;

'Don't be flurried, my dear,' replied Mrs Nickleby, looking towards the gardenwall, 'for you see I'm not, and

if it would be excusable in anybody to be flurried, it certainly wouldunder all the circumstancesbe

CHAPTER 41. Containing some Romantic Passages between Mrs Nickleby and the Gentleman in the Smallclothes next Door 360

'It is designed to attract our attention, my dear; at least,' rejoined Mrs Nickleby, drawing herself up, and

patting her daughter's hand more blandly than before, 'to attract the attention of one of us. Hem! you needn't

Kate looked very much perplexed, and was apparently about to ask for further explanation, when a shouting

and scuffling noise, as of an elderly gentleman whooping, and kicking up his legs on loose gravel, with great

violence, was heard to proceed from the same direction as the former sounds; and before they had subsided, a

large cucumber was seen to shoot up in the air with the velocity of a skyrocket, whence it descended,

This remarkable appearance was succeeded by another of a precisely similar description; then a fine

vegetable marrow, of unusually large dimensions, was seen to whirl aloft, and come toppling down; then,

several cucumbers shot up together; and, finally, the air was darkened by a shower of onions, turnipradishes,

and other small vegetables, which fell rolling and scattering, and bumping about, in all directions.

As Kate rose from her seat, in some alarm, and caught her mother's hand to run with her into the house, she

felt herself rather retarded than assisted in her intention; and following the direction of Mrs Nickleby's eyes,

was quite terrified by the apparition of an old black velvet cap, which, by slow degrees, as if its wearer were

ascending a ladder or pair of steps, rose above the wall dividing their garden from that of the next cottage,

(which, like their own, was a detached building,) and was gradually followed by a very large head, and an old

face, in which were a pair of most extraordinary grey eyes: very wild, very wide open, and rolling in their

'Mama!' cried Kate, really terrified for the moment, 'why do you stop, why do you lose an instant? Mama,

'Kate, my dear,' returned her mother, still holding back, 'how can you be so foolish? I'm ashamed of you.

How do you suppose you are ever to get through life, if you're such a coward as this? What do you want, sir?'

said Mrs Nickleby, addressing the intruder with a sort of simpering displeasure. 'How dare you look into this

'Queen of my soul,' replied the stranger, folding his hands together, 'this goblet sip!'

'Won't you sip the goblet?' urged the stranger, with his head imploringly on one side, and his right hand on

'I shall not consent to do anything of the kind, sir,' said Mrs Nickleby. 'Pray, begone.'

'Why is it,' said the old gentleman, coming up a step higher, and leaning his elbows on the wall, with as much

complacency as if he were looking out of window, 'why is it that beauty is always obdurate, even when

admiration is as honourable and respectful as mine?' Here he smiled, kissed his hand, and made several low

bows. 'Is it owing to the bees, who, when the honey season is over, and they are supposed to have been killed

with brimstone, in reality fly to Barbary and lull the captive Moors to sleep with their drowsy songs? Or is it,'

he added, dropping his voice almost to a whisper, 'in consequence of the statue at Charing Cross having been

lately seen, on the Stock Exchange at midnight, walking arminarm with the Pump from Aldgate, in a

CHAPTER 41. Containing some Romantic Passages between Mrs Nickleby and the Gentleman in the Smallclothes next Door 361

'Hush, my dear!' replied Mrs Nickleby, in the same tone of voice, 'he is very polite, and I think that was a

quotation from the poets. Pray, don't worry me soyou'll pinch my arm black and blue. Go away, sir!'

'Yes,' returned Mrs Nickleby, 'certainly. You have no business here. This is private property, sir; you ought to

'I do know,' said the old gentleman, laying his finger on his nose, with an air of familiarity, most

reprehensible, 'that this is a sacred and enchanted spot, where the most divine charms'here he kissed his

hand and bowed again'waft mellifluousness over the neighbours' gardens, and force the fruit and

vegetables into premature existence. That fact I am acquainted with. But will you permit me, fairest creature,

to ask you one question, in the absence of the planet Venus, who has gone on business to the Horse Guards,

'Kate,' observed Mrs Nickleby, turning to her daughter, 'it's very awkward, positively. I really don't know

'Dear mama,' rejoined Kate, 'don't say a word to him, but let us run away as fast as we can, and shut ourselves

Mrs Nickleby looked very grand, not to say contemptuous, at this humiliating proposal; and, turning to the

old gentleman, who had watched them during these whispers with absorbing eagerness, said:

'If you will conduct yourself, sir, like the gentleman I should imagine you to be, from your language

andandappearance, (quite the counterpart of your grandpapa, Kate, my dear, in his best days,) and will

If Mrs Nickleby's excellent papa had borne, in his best days, a resemblance to the neighbour now looking

over the wall, he must have been, to say the least, a very queerlooking old gentleman in his prime. Perhaps

Kate thought so, for she ventured to glance at his living portrait with some attention, as he took off his black

velvet cap, and, exhibiting a perfectly bald head, made a long series of bows, each accompanied with a fresh

kiss of the hand. After exhausting himself, to all appearance, with this fatiguing performance, he covered his

head once more, pulled the cap very carefully over the tips of his ears, and resuming his former attitude, said,

Here he broke off to look round in every direction, and satisfy himself beyond all doubt that there were no

listeners near. Assured that there were not, he tapped his nose several times, accompanying the action with a

cunning look, as though congratulating himself on his caution; and stretching out his neck, said in a loud

'You are mocking me, sir,' replied Mrs Nickleby, making a feint of retreating towards the house.

'Then are you any relation to the Archbishop of Canterbury?' inquired the old gentleman with great anxiety,

CHAPTER 41. Containing some Romantic Passages between Mrs Nickleby and the Gentleman in the Smallclothes next Door 362

'or to the Pope of Rome? Or the Speaker of the House of Commons? Forgive me, if I am wrong, but I was

told you were niece to the Commissioners of Paving, and daughterinlaw to the Lord Mayor and Court of

'Whoever has spread such reports, sir,' returned Mrs Nickleby, with some warmth, 'has taken great liberties

with my name, and one which I am sure my son Nicholas, if he was aware of it, would not allow for an

instant. The idea!' said Mrs Nickleby, drawing herself up, 'niece to the Commissioners of Paving!'

'"Pray mama!" Nonsense, Kate,' said Mrs Nickleby, angrily, 'but that's just the way. If they had said I was

niece to a piping bullfinch, what would you care? But I have no sympathy,' whimpered Mrs Nickleby. 'I don't

'Tears!' cried the old gentleman, with such an energetic jump, that he fell down two or three steps and grated

his chin against the wall. 'Catch the crystal globulescatch 'embottle 'em upcork 'em tightput

sealing wax on the topseal 'em with a cupidlabel 'em "Best quality"and stow 'em away in the fourteen

Issuing these commands, as if there were a dozen attendants all actively engaged in their execution, he turned

his velvet cap inside out, put it on with great dignity so as to obscure his right eye and threefourths of his

nose, and sticking his arms akimbo, looked very fiercely at a sparrow hard by, till the bird flew away, when

he put his cap in his pocket with an air of great satisfaction, and addressed himself with respectful demeanour

'Beautiful madam,' such were his words, 'if I have made any mistake with regard to your family or

connections, I humbly beseech you to pardon me. If I supposed you to be related to Foreign Powers or Native

Boards, it is because you have a manner, a carriage, a dignity, which you will excuse my saying that none but

yourself (with the single exception perhaps of the tragic muse, when playing extemporaneously on the barrel

organ before the East India Company) can parallel. I am not a youth, ma'am, as you see; and although beings

like you can never grow old, I venture to presume that we are fitted for each other.'

'I have estates, ma'am,' said the old gentleman, flourishing his right hand negligently, as if he made very light

of such matters, and speaking very fast; 'jewels, lighthouses, fishponds, a whalery of my own in the North

Sea, and several oysterbeds of great profit in the Pacific Ocean. If you will have the kindness to step down

to the Royal Exchange and to take the cockedhat off the stoutest beadle's head, you will find my card in the

lining of the crown, wrapped up in a piece of blue paper. My walkingstick is also to be seen on application

to the chaplain of the House of Commons, who is strictly forbidden to take any money for showing it. I have

enemies about me, ma'am,' he looked towards his house and spoke very low, 'who attack me on all occasions,

and wish to secure my property. If you bless me with your hand and heart, you can apply to the Lord

Chancellor or call out the military if necessarysending my toothpick to the commanderinchief will be

sufficientand so clear the house of them before the ceremony is performed. After that, love, bliss and

Repeating these last words with great rapture and enthusiasm, the old gentleman put on his black velvet cap

again, and looking up into the sky in a hasty manner, said something that was not quite intelligible

CHAPTER 41. Containing some Romantic Passages between Mrs Nickleby and the Gentleman in the Smallclothes next Door 363

'Kate, my dear,' said Mrs Nickleby, 'I have hardly the power to speak; but it is necessary for the happiness of

'You will allow me, my dear, if you please, to judge for myself,' said Mrs Nickleby.

'It can scarcely be expected, sir,' said Mrs Nickleby, fixing her eyes modestly on the ground, 'that I should tell

a stranger whether I feel flattered and obliged by such proposals, or not. They certainly are made under very

singular circumstances; still at the same time, as far as it goes, and to a certain extent of course' (Mrs

Nickleby's customary qualification), 'they must be gratifying and agreeable to one's feelings.'

'Be mine, be mine,' cried the old gentleman. 'Gog and Magog, Gog and Magog. Be mine, be mine!'

'It will be sufficient for me to say, sir,' resumed Mrs Nickleby, with perfect seriousness'and I'm sure you'll

see the propriety of taking an answer and going awaythat I have made up my mind to remain a widow, and

to devote myself to my children. You may not suppose I am the mother of two childrenindeed many

people have doubted it, and said that nothing on earth could ever make 'em believe it possiblebut it is the

case, and they are both grown up. We shall be very glad to have you for a neighbourvery glad; delighted,

I'm surebut in any other character it's quite impossible, quite. As to my being young enough to marry

again, that perhaps may be so, or it may not be; but I couldn't think of it for an instant, not on any account

whatever. I said I never would, and I never will. It's a very painful thing to have to reject proposals, and I

would much rather that none were made; at the same time this is the answer that I determined long ago to

These observations were partly addressed to the old gentleman, partly to Kate, and partly delivered in

soliloquy. Towards their conclusion, the suitor evinced a very irreverent degree of inattention, and Mrs

Nickleby had scarcely finished speaking, when, to the great terror both of that lady and her daughter, he

suddenly flung off his coat, and springing on the top of the wall, threw himself into an attitude which

displayed his smallclothes and grey worsteds to the fullest advantage, and concluded by standing on one leg,

While he was still dwelling on the last note, and embellishing it with a prolonged flourish, a dirty hand was

observed to glide stealthily and swiftly along the top of the wall, as if in pursuit of a fly, and then to clasp

with the utmost dexterity one of the old gentleman's ankles. This done, the companion hand appeared, and

Thus encumbered the old gentleman lifted his legs awkwardly once or twice, as if they were very clumsy and

imperfect pieces of machinery, and then looking down on his own side of the wall, burst into a loud laugh.

'The young Prince of China,' said the old gentleman, with much interest. 'Is he reconciled to his

CHAPTER 41. Containing some Romantic Passages between Mrs Nickleby and the Gentleman in the Smallclothes next Door 364

'If that's the case,' observed the old gentleman, 'perhaps I'd better come down.'

One of the hands being then cautiously unclasped, the old gentleman dropped into a sitting posture, and was

looking round to smile and bow to Mrs Nickleby, when he disappeared with some precipitation, as if his legs

Very much relieved by his disappearance, Kate was turning to speak to her mama, when the dirty hands again

became visible, and were immediately followed by the figure of a coarse squat man, who ascended by the

'Beg your pardon, ladies,' said this new comer, grinning and touching his hat. 'Has he been making love to

'Ah!' rejoined the man, taking his handkerchief out of his hat and wiping his face, 'he always will, you know.

'Why no,' replied the man, looking into his hat, throwing his handkerchief in at one dab, and putting it on

'Not a bit, and don't deserve to be,' replied the keeper. 'He's a deal pleasanter without his senses than with 'em.

He was the cruellest, wickedest, outandouterest old flint that ever drawed breath.'

'By George!' replied the keeper, shaking his head so emphatically that he was obliged to frown to keep his hat

on. 'I never come across such a vagabond, and my mate says the same. Broke his poor wife's heart, turned his

daughters out of doors, drove his sons into the streets; it was a blessing he went mad at last, through evil

tempers, and covetousness, and selfishness, and guzzling, and drinking, or he'd have drove many others so.

Hope for HIM, an old rip! There isn't too much hope going' but I'll bet a crown that what there is, is saved for

With which confession of his faith, the keeper shook his head again, as much as to say that nothing short of

this would do, if things were to go on at all; and touching his hat sulkilynot that he was in an ill humour,

CHAPTER 41. Containing some Romantic Passages between Mrs Nickleby and the Gentleman in the Smallclothes next Door 365

During this conversation, Mrs Nickleby had regarded the man with a severe and steadfast look. She now

heaved a profound sigh, and pursing up her lips, shook her head in a slow and doubtful manner.

'Ah! poor indeed!' rejoined Mrs Nickleby. 'It's shameful that such things should be allowed. Shameful!'

'How can they be helped, mama?' said Kate, mournfully. 'The infirmities of nature'

'Nature!' said Mrs Nickleby. 'What! Do YOU suppose this poor gentleman is out of his mind?'

'Why then, I just tell you this, Kate,' returned Mrs Nickleby, 'that, he is nothing of the kind, and I am

surprised you can be so imposed upon. It's some plot of these people to possess themselves of his

propertydidn't he say so himself? He may be a little odd and flighty, perhaps, many of us are that; but

downright mad! and express himself as he does, respectfully, and in quite poetical language, and making

offers with so much thought, and care, and prudencenot as if he ran into the streets, and went down upon

his knees to the first chit of a girl he met, as a madman would! No, no, Kate, there's a great deal too much

The pavement of Snow Hill had been baking and frying all day in the heat, and the twain Saracens' heads

guarding the entrance to the hostelry of whose name and sign they are the duplicate presentments,

lookedor seemed, in the eyes of jaded and footsore passersby, to lookmore vicious than usual, after

blistering and scorching in the sun, when, in one of the inn's smallest sittingrooms, through whose open

window there rose, in a palpable steam, wholesome exhalations from reeking coachhorses, the usual

furniture of a teatable was displayed in neat and inviting order, flanked by large joints of roast and boiled, a

tongue, a pigeon pie, a cold fowl, a tankard of ale, and other little matters of the like kind, which, in

degenerate towns and cities, are generally understood to belong more particularly to solid lunches,

Mr John Browdie, with his hands in his pockets, hovered restlessly about these delicacies, stopping

occasionally to whisk the flies out of the sugarbasin with his wife's pockethandkerchief, or to dip a

teaspoon in the milkpot and carry it to his mouth, or to cut off a little knob of crust, and a little corner of

meat, and swallow them at two gulps like a couple of pills. After every one of these flirtations with the

eatables, he pulled out his watch, and declared with an earnestness quite pathetic that he couldn't undertake to

'Tilly!' said John to his lady, who was reclining half awake and half asleep upon a sofa.

'Well, John!' retorted her husband, impatiently. 'Dost thou feel hoongry, lass?'

'Not vary!' repeated John, raising his eyes to the ceiling. 'Hear her say not vary, and us dining at three, and

CHAPTER 42. Illustrative of the convivial Sentiment, that the best of Friends must sometimes part 366

'A wa'at for me?' cried John, as though he thought it must be a letter, or a parcel.

'Stars and garthers, chap!' said John, 'wa'at dost thou coom and say thot for? In wi' 'un.'

'At whoam!' cried John, 'I wish I wur; I'd ha tea'd two hour ago. Why, I told t'oother chap to look sharp

ootside door, and tell 'un d'rectly he coom, thot we war faint wi' hoonger. In wi' 'un. Aha! Thee hond, Misther

Nickleby. This is nigh to be the proodest day o' my life, sir. Hoo be all wi' ye? Ding! But, I'm glod o' this!'

Quite forgetting even his hunger in the heartiness of his salutation, John Browdie shook Nicholas by the hand

again and again, slapping his palm with great violence between each shake, to add warmth to the reception.

'Ah! there she be,' said John, observing the look which Nicholas directed towards his wife. 'There she

bewe shan't quarrel about her nooeh? Ecod, when I think o' thotbut thou want'st soom'at to eat. Fall

No doubt the grace was properly finished, but nothing more was heard, for John had already begun to play

'I shall take the usual licence, Mr Browdie,' said Nicholas, as he placed a chair for the bride.

Without stopping to explain, Nicholas kissed the blushing Mrs Browdie, and handed her to her seat.

'I say,' said John, rather astounded for the moment, 'mak' theeself quite at whoam, will 'ee?'

'Eh! d'ye hear thot?' cried John, laying down his knife and fork. 'A godfeyther! Ha! ha! ha! Tillyhear till

'una godfeyther! Divn't say a word more, ye'll never beat thot. Occasion for 'una godfeyther! Ha! ha!

Never was man so tickled with a respectable old joke, as John Browdie was with this. He chuckled, roared,

half suffocated himself by laughing large pieces of beef into his windpipe, roared again, persisted in eating at

the same time, got red in the face and black in the forehead, coughed, cried, got better, went off again

laughing inwardly, got worse, choked, had his back thumped, stamped about, frightened his wife, and at last

recovered in a state of the last exhaustion and with the water streaming from his eyes, but still faintly

ejaculating, 'A godfeythera godfeyther, Tilly!' in a tone bespeaking an exquisite relish of the sally, which

CHAPTER 42. Illustrative of the convivial Sentiment, that the best of Friends must sometimes part 367

'He was a desperate fellow that night though, was he not, Mrs Browdie?' said Nicholas. 'Quite a monster!'

'If you had only heard him as we were going home, Mr Nickleby, you'd have said so indeed,' returned the

'Coom, coom,' said John, with a broad grin; 'thou know'st betther than thot, Tilly.'

'So I was,' replied Mrs Browdie. 'I almost made up my mind never to speak to you again.'

'A'most!' said John, with a broader grin than the last. 'A'most made up her mind! And she wur coaxin', and

coaxin', and wheedlin', and wheedlin' a' the blessed wa'. "Wa'at didst thou let yon chap mak' oop tiv'ee for?"

says I. "I deedn't, John," says she, a squeedgin my arm. "You deedn't?" says I. "Noa," says she, a squeedgin

'Lor, John!' interposed his pretty wife, colouring very much. 'How can you talk such nonsense? As if I should

'I dinnot know whether thou'd ever dreamt of it, though I think that's loike eneaf, mind,' retorted John; 'but

thou didst it. "Ye're a feeckle, changeable weathercock, lass," says I. "Not feeckle, John," says she. "Yes,"

says I, "feeckle, dom'd feeckle. Dinnot tell me thou bean't, efther yon chap at schoolmeasther's," says I.

"Him!" says she, quite screeching. "Ah! him!" says I. "Why, John," says sheand she coom a deal closer

and squeedged a deal harder than she'd deane afore"dost thou think it's nat'ral noo, that having such a

proper mun as thou to keep company wi', I'd ever tak' opp wi' such a leetle scanty whippersnapper as yon?"

she says. Ha! ha! ha! She said whippersnapper! "Ecod!" I says, "efther thot, neame the day, and let's have it

Nicholas laughed very heartily at this story, both on account of its telling against himself, and his being

desirous to spare the blushes of Mrs Browdie, whose protestations were drowned in peals of laughter from

her husband. His goodnature soon put her at her ease; and although she still denied the charge, she laughed

so heartily at it, that Nicholas had the satisfaction of feeling assured that in all essential respects it was strictly

'This is the second time,' said Nicholas, 'that we have ever taken a meal together, and only third I have ever

'I have the best reason to be impressed with the feeling, mind,' said Nicholas; 'for if it had not been for your

kindness of heart, my good friend, when I had no right or reason to expect it, I know not what might have

'It must be a new song to the same tune then,' said Nicholas, smiling. 'I told you in my letter that I deeply felt

and admired your sympathy with that poor lad, whom you released at the risk of involving yourself in trouble

CHAPTER 42. Illustrative of the convivial Sentiment, that the best of Friends must sometimes part 368

and difficulty; but I can never tell you how greateful he and I, and others whom you don't know, are to you

'Ecod!' rejoined John Browdie, drawing up his chair; 'and I can never tell YOU hoo gratful soom folks that

'Were they at all disposed to give you credit for assisting in the escape?' inquired Nicholas of John Browdie.

'Not a bit,' replied the Yorkshireman, extending his mouth from ear to ear. 'There I lay, snoog in

schoolmeasther's bed long efther it was dark, and nobody coom nigh the pleace. "Weel!" thinks I, "he's got a

pretty good start, and if he bean't whoam by noo, he never will be; so you may coom as quick as you loike,

'Presently,' resumed John, 'he DID coom. I heerd door shut doonstairs, and him a warking, oop in the daark.

"Slow and steddy,' I says to myself, "tak' your time, sirno hurry." He cooms to the door, turns the

keyturns the key when there warn't nothing to hoold the lockand ca's oot 'Hallo, there!""Yes," thinks

I, "you may do thot agean, and not wakken anybody, sir." "Hallo, there," he says, and then he stops. "Thou'd

betther not aggravate me," says schoolmeasther, efther a little time. "I'll brak' every boan in your boddy,

Smike," he says, efther another little time. Then all of a soodden, he sings oot for a loight, and when it

coomsecod, such a hoorlyboorly! "Wa'at's the matter?" says I. "He's gane," says he,stark mad wi'

vengeance. "Have you heerd nought?" "Ees," says I, "I heerd streetdoor shut, no time at a' ago. I heerd a

person run doon there" (pointing t'other wa'eh?) "Help!" he cries. "I'll help you," says I; and off we

'Far!' replied John; 'I run him clean off his legs in quarther of an hoor. To see old schoolmeasther wi'out his

hat, skimming along oop to his knees in mud and wather, tumbling over fences, and rowling into ditches, and

bawling oot like mad, wi' his one eye looking sharp out for the lad, and his coattails flying out behind, and

him spattered wi' mud all ower, face and all! I tho't I should ha' dropped doon, and killed myself wi'

John laughed so heartily at the mere recollection, that he communicated the contagion to both his hearers, and

all three burst into peals of laughter, which were renewed again and again, until they could laugh no longer.

'He's a bad 'un,' said John, wiping his eyes; 'a very bad 'un, is schoolmeasther.'

'Coom,' retorted John, 'thot's tidy in you, thot is. If it wa'nt along o' you, we shouldn't know nought aboot 'un.

'I couldn't help knowing Fanny Squeers, John,' returned his wife; 'she was an old playmate of mine, you

'Weel,' replied John, 'dean't I say so, lass? It's best to be neighbourly, and keep up old acquaintance loike; and

what I say is, dean't quarrel if 'ee can help it. Dinnot think so, Mr Nickleby?'

CHAPTER 42. Illustrative of the convivial Sentiment, that the best of Friends must sometimes part 369

'Certainly,' returned Nicholas; 'and you acted upon that principle when I meet you on horseback on the road,

'And that's a fine thing to do, and manly too,' said Nicholas, 'though it's not exactly what we understand by

"coming Yorkshire over us" in London. Miss Squeers is stopping with you, you said in your note.'

'Yes,' replied John, 'Tilly's bridesmaid; and a queer bridesmaid she be, too. She wean't be a bride in a hurry, I

'For shame, John,' said Mrs Browdie; with an acute perception of the joke though, being a bride herself.

'The groom will be a blessed mun,' said John, his eyes twinkling at the idea. 'He'll be in luck, he will.'

'You see, Mr Nickleby,' said his wife, 'that it was in consequence of her being here, that John wrote to you

and fixed tonight, because we thought that it wouldn't be pleasant for you to meet, after what has passed.'

'Especially,' observed Mrs Browdie, looking very sly, 'after what we know about past and gone love matters.'

'We know, indeed!' said Nicholas, shaking his head. 'You behaved rather wickedly there, I suspect.'

'O' course she did,' said John Browdie, passing his huge forefinger through one of his wife's pretty ringlets,

and looking very proud of her. 'She wur always as skittish and full o' tricks as a'

'As a woman,' returned John. 'Ding! But I dinnot know ought else that cooms near it.'

'You were speaking about Miss Squeers,' said Nicholas, with the view of stopping some slight connubialities

which had begun to pass between Mr and Mrs Browdie, and which rendered the position of a third party in

some degree embarrassing, as occasioning him to feel rather in the way than otherwise.

'Oh yes,' rejoined Mrs Browdie. 'John ha' done. John fixed tonight, because she had settled that she would go

and drink tea with her father. And to make quite sure of there being nothing amiss, and of your being quite

'That was a very good arrangement,' said Nicholas, 'though I am sorry to be the occasion of so much trouble.'

'Not the least in the world,' returned Mrs Browdie; 'for we have looked forward to see youJohn and I

havewith the greatest possible pleasure. Do you know, Mr Nickleby,' said Mrs Browdie, with her archest

'I am very much obliged to her,' said Nicholas; 'but upon my word, I never aspired to making any impression

'How you talk!' tittered Mrs Browdie. 'No, but do you know that reallyseriously now and without any

jokingI was given to understand by Fanny herself, that you had made an offer to her, and that you two

CHAPTER 42. Illustrative of the convivial Sentiment, that the best of Friends must sometimes part 370

'Was you, ma'amwas you?' cried a shrill female voice, 'was you given to understand that IIwas going

to be engaged to an assassinating thief that shed the gore of my pa? Do youdo you think, ma'amthat I

was very fond of such dirt beneath my feet, as I couldn't condescend to touch with kitchen tongs, without

blacking and crocking myself by the contract? Do you, ma'amdo you? Oh! base and degrading 'Tilda!'

With these reproaches Miss Squeers flung the door wide open, and disclosed to the eyes of the astonished

Browdies and Nicholas, not only her own symmetrical form, arrayed in the chaste white garments before

described (a little dirtier), but the form of her brother and father, the pair of Wackfords.

'This is the hend, is it?' continued Miss Squeers, who, being excited, aspirated her h's strongly; 'this is the

hend, is it, of all my forbearance and friendship for that doublefaced thingthat viper,

thatthatmermaid?' (Miss Squeers hesitated a long time for this last epithet, and brought it out

triumphantly as last, as if it quite clinched the business.) 'This is the hend, is it, of all my bearing with her

deceitfulness, her lowness, her falseness, her laying herself out to catch the admiration of vulgar minds, in a

'Gender,' suggested Mr Squeers, regarding the spectators with a malevolent eyeliterally A malevolent eye.

'Hear, hear!' remarked Mr Squeers; 'and I wish she was here to have a scratch at this company.'

'This is the hend, is it,' said Miss Squeers, tossing her head, and looking contemptuously at the floor, 'of my

taking notice of that rubbishing creature, and demeaning myself to patronise her?'

'Oh, come,' rejoined Mrs Browdie, disregarding all the endeavours of her spouse to restrain her, and forcing

'I will not look for blushes in such a quarter,' said Miss Squeers, haughtily, 'for that countenance is a stranger

'I say,' interposed John Browdie, nettled by these accumulated attacks on his wife, 'dra' it mild, dra' it mild.'

'You, Mr Browdie,' said Miss Squeers, taking him up very quickly, 'I pity. I have no feeling for you, sir, but

'No,' said Miss Squeers, looking sideways at her parent, 'although I AM a queer bridesmaid, and SHAN'T be

a bride in a hurry, and although my husband WILL be in luck, I entertain no sentiments towards you, sir, but

Here Miss Squeers looked sideways at her father again, who looked sideways at her, as much as to say,

'I know what you've got to go through,' said Miss Squeers, shaking her curls violently. 'I know what life is

before you, and if you was my bitterest and deadliest enemy, I could wish you nothing worse.'

CHAPTER 42. Illustrative of the convivial Sentiment, that the best of Friends must sometimes part 371

'Couldn't you wish to be married to him yourself, if that was the case?' inquired Mrs Browdie, with great

'Oh, ma'am, how witty you are,' retorted Miss Squeers with a low curtsy, 'almost as witty, ma'am, as you are

clever. How very clever it was in you, ma'am, to choose a time when I had gone to tea with my pa, and was

sure not to come back without being fetched! What a pity you never thought that other people might be as

'You won't vex me, child, with such airs as these,' said the late Miss Price, assuming the matron.

'Don't MISSIS me, ma'am, if you please,' returned Miss Squeers, sharply. 'I'll not bear it. Is THIS the hend'

'Dang it a',' cried John Browdie, impatiently. 'Say thee say out, Fanny, and mak' sure it's the end, and dinnot

'Thanking you for your advice which was not required, Mr Browdie,' returned Miss Squeers, with laborious

politeness, 'have the goodness not to presume to meddle with my Christian name. Even my pity shall never

make me forget what's due to myself, Mr Browdie. 'Tilda,' said Miss Squeers, with such a sudden accession

of violence that John started in his boots, 'I throw you off for ever, miss. I abandon you. I renounce you. I

wouldn't,' cried Miss Squeers in a solemn voice, 'have a child named 'Tilda, not to save it from its grave.'

'As for the matther o' that,' observed John, 'it'll be time eneaf to think aboot neaming of it when it cooms.'

'Oh! Tease, indeed!' cried Miss Squeers, bridling up. 'Tease, indeed! He, he! Tease, too! No, don't tease her.

'If it's fated that listeners are never to hear any good of themselves,' said Mrs Browdie, 'I can't help it, and I

am very sorry for it. But I will say, Fanny, that times out of number I have spoken so kindly of you behind

'Oh, I dare say not, ma'am!' cried Miss Squeers, with another curtsy. 'Best thanks to you for your goodness,

'I don't know,' resumed Mrs Browdie, 'that I have said anything very bad of you, even now. At all events,

what I did say was quite true; but if I have, I am very sorry for it, and I beg your pardon. You have said much

worse of me, scores of times, Fanny; but I have never borne any malice to you, and I hope you'll not bear any

Miss Squeers made no more direct reply than surveying her former friend from top to toe, and elevating her

nose in the air with ineffable disdain. But some indistinct allusions to a 'puss,' and a 'minx,' and a

'contemptible creature,' escaped her; and this, together with a severe biting of the lips, great difficulty in

swallowing, and very frequent comings and goings of breath, seemed to imply that feelings were swelling in

While the foregoing conversation was proceeding, Master Wackford, finding himself unnoticed, and feeling

his preponderating inclinations strong upon him, had by little and little sidled up to the table and attacked the

food with such slight skirmishing as drawing his fingers round and round the inside of the plates, and

afterwards sucking them with infinite relish; picking the bread, and dragging the pieces over the surface of

the butter; pocketing lumps of sugar, pretending all the time to be absorbed in thought; and so forth. Finding

CHAPTER 42. Illustrative of the convivial Sentiment, that the best of Friends must sometimes part 372

that no interference was attempted with these small liberties, he gradually mounted to greater, and, after

helping himself to a moderately good cold collation, was, by this time, deep in the pie.

Nothing of this had been unobserved by Mr Squeers, who, so long as the attention of the company was fixed

upon other objects, hugged himself to think that his son and heir should be fattening at the enemy's expense.

But there being now an appearance of a temporary calm, in which the proceedings of little Wackford could

scarcely fail to be observed, he feigned to be aware of the circumstance for the first time, and inflicted upon

'Eating!' cried Mr Squeers, 'of what his father's enemies has left! It's fit to go and poison you, you unnat'ral

'It wean't hurt him,' said John, apparently very much relieved by the prospect of having a man in the quarrel;

'let' un eat. I wish the whole school was here. I'd give'em soom'at to stay their unfort'nate stomachs wi', if I

Squeers scowled at him with the worst and most malicious expression of which his face was capableit was

'Coom, coom, schoolmeasther,' said John, 'dinnot make a fool o' thyself; for if I was to sheake mineonly

'It was you, was it,' returned Squeers, 'that helped off my runaway boy? It was you, was it?'

'Me!' returned John, in a loud tone. 'Yes, it wa' me, coom; wa'at o' that? It wa' me. Noo then!'

'You hear him say he did it, my child!' said Squeers, appealing to his daughter. 'You hear him say he did it!'

'Did it!' cried John. 'I'll tell 'ee more; hear this, too. If thou'd got another roonaway boy, I'd do it agean. If

thou'd got twonty roonaway boys, I'd do it twonty times ower, and twonty more to thot; and I tell thee more,'

said John, 'noo my blood is oop, that thou'rt an old ra'ascal; and that it's weel for thou, thou be'est an old 'un,

or I'd ha' poonded thee to flour when thou told an honest mun hoo thou'd licked that poor chap in t' coorch.'

'Ah! an honest man,' replied John; 'honest in ought but ever putting legs under seame table wi' such as thou.'

'Scandal!' said Squeers, exultingly. 'Two witnesses to it; Wackford knows the nature of an oath, he does; we

shall have you there, sir. Rascal, eh?' Mr Squeers took out his pocketbook and made a note of it. 'Very good. I

should say that was worth full twenty pound at the next assizes, without the honesty, sir.'

''Soizes,' cried John, 'thou'd betther not talk to me o' 'Soizes. Yorkshire schools have been shown up at 'Soizes

Mr Squeers shook his head in a threatening manner, looking very white with passion; and taking his

daughter's arm, and dragging little Wackford by the hand, retreated towards the door.

'As for you,' said Squeers, turning round and addressing Nicholas, who, as he had caused him to smart pretty

soundly on a former occasion, purposely abstained from taking any part in the discussion, 'see if I ain't down

upon you before long. You'll go a kidnapping of boys, will you? Take care their fathers don't turn upmark

thattake care their fathers don't turn up, and send 'em back to me to do as I like with, in spite of you.'

CHAPTER 42. Illustrative of the convivial Sentiment, that the best of Friends must sometimes part 373

'I am not afraid of that,' replied Nicholas, shrugging his shoulders contemptuously, and turning away.

'I leave such society, with my pa, for Hever,' said Miss Squeers, looking contemptuously and loftily round. 'I

am defiled by breathing the air with such creatures. Poor Mr Browdie! He! he! he! I do pity him, that I do;

With this sudden relapse into the sternest and most majestic wrath, Miss Squeers swept from the room; and

having sustained her dignity until the last possible moment, was heard to sob and scream and struggle in the

John Browdie remained standing behind the table, looking from his wife to Nicholas, and back again, with

his mouth wide open, until his hand accidentally fell upon the tankard of ale, when he took it up, and having

obscured his features therewith for some time, drew a long breath, handed it over to Nicholas, and rang the

'Here, waither,' said John, briskly. 'Look alive here. Tak' these things awa', and let's have soomat broiled for

soopervary comfortable and plenty o' itat ten o'clock. Bring soom brandy and soom wather, and a pair o'

slippersthe largest pair in the house and be quick aboot it. Dash ma wig!' said John, rubbing his hands,

'there's no ganging oot to neeght, noo, to fetch anybody whoam, and ecod, we'll begin to spend the evening in

The storm had long given place to a calm the most profound, and the evening was pretty far

advancedindeed supper was over, and the process of digestion proceeding as favourably as, under the

influence of complete tranquillity, cheerful conversation, and a moderate allowance of brandyandwater,

most wise men conversant with the anatomy and functions of the human frame will consider that it ought to

have proceeded, when the three friends, or as one might say, both in a civil and religious sense, and with

proper deference and regard to the holy state of matrimony, the two friends, (Mr and Mrs Browdie counting

as no more than one,) were startled by the noise of loud and angry threatenings below stairs, which presently

attained so high a pitch, and were conveyed besides in language so towering, sanguinary, and ferocious, that

it could hardly have been surpassed, if there had actually been a Saracen's head then present in the

establishment, supported on the shoulders and surmounting the trunk of a real, live, furious, and most

This turmoil, instead of quickly subsiding after the first outburst, (as turmoils not unfrequently do, whether in

taverns, legislative assemblies, or elsewhere,) into a mere grumbling and growling squabble, increased every

moment; and although the whole din appeared to be raised by but one pair of lungs, yet that one pair was of

so powerful a quality, and repeated such words as 'scoundrel,' 'rascal,' 'insolent puppy,' and a variety of

expletives no less flattering to the party addressed, with such great relish and strength of tone, that a dozen

voices raised in concert under any ordinary circumstances would have made far less uproar and created much

John Browdie was striding in the same direction when Mrs Browdie turned pale, and, leaning back in her

chair, requested him with a faint voice to take notice, that if he ran into any danger it was her intention to fall

CHAPTER 43. Officiates as a kind of Gentleman Usher, in bringing various People together 374

into hysterics immediately, and that the consequences might be more serious than he thought for. John looked

rather disconcerted by this intelligence, though there was a lurking grin on his face at the same time; but,

being quite unable to keep out of the fray, he compromised the matter by tucking his wife's arm under his

The passage outside the coffeeroom door was the scene of disturbance, and here were congregated the

coffeeroom customers and waiters, together with two or three coachmen and helpers from the yard. These

had hastily assembled round a young man who from his appearance might have been a year or two older than

Nicholas, and who, besides having given utterance to the defiances just now described, seemed to have

proceeded to even greater lengths in his indignation, inasmuch as his feet had no other covering than a pair of

stockings, while a couple of slippers lay at no great distance from the head of a prostrate figure in an opposite

corner, who bore the appearance of having been shot into his present retreat by means of a kick, and

The coffeeroom customers, and the waiters, and the coachmen, and the helpersnot to mention a barmaid

who was looking on from behind an open sash windowseemed at that moment, if a spectator might judge

from their winks, nods, and muttered exclamations, strongly disposed to take part against the young

gentleman in the stockings. Observing this, and that the young gentleman was nearly of his own age and had

in nothing the appearance of an habitual brawler, Nicholas, impelled by such feelings as will influence young

men sometimes, felt a very strong disposition to side with the weaker party, and so thrust himself at once into

the centre of the group, and in a more emphatic tone, perhaps, than circumstances might seem to warrant,

'Hallo!' said one of the men from the yard, 'this is somebody in disguise, this is.'

'Room for the eldest son of the Emperor of Roosher, gen'l'men!' cried another fellow.

Disregarding these sallies, which were uncommonly well received, as sallies at the expense of the

bestdressed persons in a crowd usually are, Nicholas glanced carelessly round, and addressing the young

gentleman, who had by this time picked up his slippers and thrust his feet into them, repeated his inquiries

At this a murmur was raised by the lookerson, and some of the boldest cried, 'Oh, indeed!Wasn't it

though?Nothing, eh?He called that nothing, did he? Lucky for him if he found it nothing.' These and

many other expressions of ironical disapprobation having been exhausted, two or three of the outofdoor

fellows began to hustle Nicholas and the young gentleman who had made the noise: stumbling against them

by accident, and treading on their toes, and so forth. But this being a round game, and one not necessarily

limited to three or four players, was open to John Browdie too, who, bursting into the little crowdto the

great terror of his wifeand falling about in all directions, now to the right, now to the left, now forwards,

now backwards, and accidentally driving his elbow through the hat of the tallest helper, who had been

particularly active, speedily caused the odds to wear a very different appearance; while more than one stout

fellow limped away to a respectful distance, anathematising with tears in his eyes the heavy tread and

'Let me see him do it again,' said he who had been kicked into the corner, rising as he spoke, apparently more

from the fear of John Browdie's inadvertently treading upon him, than from any desire to place himself on

'Let me hear you make those remarks again,' said the young man, 'and I'll knock that head of yours in among

CHAPTER 43. Officiates as a kind of Gentleman Usher, in bringing various People together 375

Here a waiter who had been rubbing his hands in excessive enjoyment of the scene, so long as only the

breaking of heads was in question, adjured the spectators with great earnestness to fetch the police, declaring

that otherwise murder would be surely done, and that he was responsible for all the glass and china on the

'No one need trouble himself to stir,' said the young gentleman, 'I am going to remain in the house all night,

The unpopular gentleman looked coolly round, and addressing himself to Nicholas, said:

'You inquired just now what was the matter here. The matter is simply this. Yonder person, who was drinking

with a friend in the coffeeroom when I took my seat there for half an hour before going to bed, (for I have

just come off a journey, and preferred stopping here tonight, to going home at this hour, where I was not

expected until tomorrow,) chose to express himself in very disrespectful, and insolently familiar terms, of a

young lady, whom I recognised from his description and other circumstances, and whom I have the honour to

know. As he spoke loud enough to be overheard by the other guests who were present, I informed him most

civilly that he was mistaken in his conjectures, which were of an offensive nature, and requested him to

forbear. He did so for a little time, but as he chose to renew his conversation when leaving the room, in a

more offensive strain than before, I could not refrain from making after him, and facilitating his departure by

a kick, which reduced him to the posture in which you saw him just now. I am the best judge of my own

affairs, I take it,' said the young man, who had certainly not quite recovered from his recent heat; 'if anybody

here thinks proper to make this quarrel his own, I have not the smallest earthly objection, I do assure him.'

Of all possible courses of proceeding under the circumstances detailed, there was certainly not one which, in

his then state of mind, could have appeared more laudable to Nicholas than this. There were not many

subjects of dispute which at that moment could have come home to his own breast more powerfully, for

having the unknown uppermost in his thoughts, it naturally occurred to him that he would have done just the

same if any audacious gossiper durst have presumed in his hearing to speak lightly of her. Influenced by these

considerations, he espoused the young gentleman's quarrel with great warmth, protesting that he had done

quite right, and that he respected him for it; which John Browdie (albeit not quite clear as to the merits)

'Let him take care, that's all,' said the defeated party, who was being rubbed down by a waiter, after his recent

fall on the dusty boards. 'He don't knock me about for nothing, I can tell him that. A pretty state of things, if a

This reflection appeared to have great weight with the young lady in the bar, who (adjusting her cap as she

spoke, and glancing at a mirror) declared that it would be a very pretty state of things indeed; and that if

people were to be punished for actions so innocent and natural as that, there would be more people to be

knocked down than there would be people to knock them down, and that she wondered what the gentleman

'My dear girl,' said the young gentleman in a low voice, advancing towards the sash window.

'Nonsense, sir!' replied the young lady sharply, smiling though as she turned aside, and biting her lip,

CHAPTER 43. Officiates as a kind of Gentleman Usher, in bringing various People together 376

(whereat Mrs Browdie, who was still standing on the stairs, glanced at her with disdain, and called to her

'No, but listen to me,' said the young man. 'If admiration of a pretty face were criminal, I should be the most

hopeless person alive, for I cannot resist one. It has the most extraordinary effect upon me, checks and

controls me in the most furious and obstinate mood. You see what an effect yours has had upon me already.'

'Yes, I know it's very pretty,' said the young man, looking with an air of admiration in the barmaid's face; 'I

said so, you know, just this moment. But beauty should be spoken of respectfully respectfully, and in

proper terms, and with a becoming sense of its worth and excellence, whereas this fellow has no more

The young lady interrupted the conversation at this point, by thrusting her head out of the barwindow, and

inquiring of the waiter in a shrill voice whether that young man who had been knocked down was going to

stand in the passage all night, or whether the entrance was to be left clear for other people. The waiters taking

the hint, and communicating it to the hostlers, were not slow to change their tone too, and the result was, that

'I am certain of it,' said Nicholas, pausing to reflect. 'Where can I havestop!yes, to be surehe belongs

to a registeroffice up at the west end of the town. I knew I recollected the face.'

'That's odd enough!' said Nicholas, ruminating upon the strange manner in which the registeroffice seemed

to start up and stare him in the face every now and then, and when he least expected it.

'I am much obliged to you for your kind advocacy of my cause when it most needed an advocate,' said the

young man, laughing, and drawing a card from his pocket. 'Perhaps you'll do me the favour to let me know

Nicholas took the card, and glancing at it involuntarily as he returned the compliment, evinced very great

'Mr Frank Cheeryble!' said Nicholas. 'Surely not the nephew of Cheeryble Brothers, who is expected

'I don't usually call myself the nephew of the firm,' returned Mr Frank, goodhumouredly; 'but of the two

excellent individuals who compose it, I am proud to say I AM the nephew. And you, I see, are Mr Nickleby,

of whom I have heard so much! This is a most unexpected meeting, but not the less welcome, I assure you.'

Nicholas responded to these compliments with others of the same kind, and they shook hands warmly. Then

he introduced John Browdie, who had remained in a state of great admiration ever since the young lady in the

bar had been so skilfully won over to the right side. Then Mrs John Browdie was introduced, and finally they

all went upstairs together and spent the next halfhour with great satisfaction and mutual entertainment; Mrs

John Browdie beginning the conversation by declaring that of all the madeup things she ever saw, that

CHAPTER 43. Officiates as a kind of Gentleman Usher, in bringing various People together 377

This Mr Frank Cheeryble, although, to judge from what had recently taken place, a hotheaded young man

(which is not an absolute miracle and phenomenon in nature), was a sprightly, goodhumoured, pleasant

fellow, with much both in his countenance and disposition that reminded Nicholas very strongly of the

kindhearted brothers. His manner was as unaffected as theirs, and his demeanour full of that heartiness

which, to most people who have anything generous in their composition, is peculiarly prepossessing. Add to

this, that he was goodlooking and intelligent, had a plentiful share of vivacity, was extremely cheerful, and

accommodated himself in five minutes' time to all John Browdie's oddities with as much ease as if he had

known him from a boy; and it will be a source of no great wonder that, when they parted for the night, he had

produced a most favourable impression, not only upon the worthy Yorkshireman and his wife, but upon

Nicholas also, who, revolving all these things in his mind as he made the best of his way home, arrived at the

conclusion that he had laid the foundation of a most agreeable and desirable acquaintance.

'But it's a most extraordinary thing about that registeroffice fellow!' thought Nicholas. 'Is it likely that this

nephew can know anything about that beautiful girl? When Tim Linkinwater gave me to understand the other

day that he was coming to take a share in the business here, he said he had been superintending it in Germany

for four years, and that during the last six months he had been engaged in establishing an agency in the north

of England. That's four years and a halffour years and a half. She can't be more than seventeensay

eighteen at the outside. She was quite a child when he went away, then. I should say he knew nothing about

her and had never seen her, so HE can give me no information. At all events,' thought Nicholas, coming to

the real point in his mind, 'there can be no danger of any prior occupation of her affections in that quarter;

Is selfishness a necessary ingredient in the composition of that passion called love, or does it deserve all the

fine things which poets, in the exercise of their undoubted vocation, have said of it? There are, no doubt,

authenticated instances of gentlemen having given up ladies and ladies having given up gentlemen to

meritorious rivals, under circumstances of great highmindedness; but is it quite established that the majority

of such ladies and gentlemen have not made a virtue of necessity, and nobly resigned what was beyond their

reach; as a private soldier might register a vow never to accept the order of the Garter, or a poor curate of

great piety and learning, but of no familysave a very large family of childrenmight renounce a

Here was Nicholas Nickleby, who would have scorned the thought of counting how the chances stood of his

rising in favour or fortune with the brothers Cheeryble, now that their nephew had returned, already deep in

calculations whether that same nephew was likely to rival him in the affections of the fair

unknowndiscussing the matter with himself too, as gravely as if, with that one exception, it were all

settled; and recurring to the subject again and again, and feeling quite indignant and illused at the notion of

anybody else making love to one with whom he had never exchanged a word in all his life. To be sure, he

exaggerated rather than depreciated the merits of his new acquaintance; but still he took it as a kind of

personal offence that he should have any merits at allin the eyes of this particular young lady, that is; for

elsewhere he was quite welcome to have as many as he pleased. There was undoubted selfishness in all this,

and yet Nicholas was of a most free and generous nature, with as few mean or sordid thoughts, perhaps, as

ever fell to the lot of any man; and there is no reason to suppose that, being in love, he felt and thought

He did not stop to set on foot an inquiry into his train of thought or state of feeling, however; but went

thinking on all the way home, and continued to dream on in the same strain all night. For, having satisfied

himself that Frank Cheeryble could have no knowledge of, or acquaintance with, the mysterious young lady,

it began to occur to him that even he himself might never see her again; upon which hypothesis he built up a

very ingenious succession of tormenting ideas which answered his purpose even better than the vision of Mr

CHAPTER 43. Officiates as a kind of Gentleman Usher, in bringing various People together 378

Notwithstanding all that has been said and sung to the contrary, there is no wellestablished case of morning

having either deferred or hastened its approach by the term of an hour or so for the mere gratification of a

splenetic feeling against some unoffending lover: the sun having, in the discharge of his public duty, as the

books of precedent report, invariably risen according to the almanacs, and without suffering himself to be

swayed by any private considerations. So, morning came as usual, and with it businesshours, and with them

Mr Frank Cheeryble, and with him a long train of smiles and welcomes from the worthy brothers, and a more

grave and clerklike, but scarcely less hearty reception from Mr Timothy Linkinwater.

'That Mr Frank and Mr Nickleby should have met last night,' said Tim Linkinwater, getting slowly off his

stool, and looking round the countinghouse with his back planted against the desk, as was his custom when

he had anything very particular to say: 'that those two young men should have met last night in that manner

is, I say, a coincidence, a remarkable coincidence. Why, I don't believe now,' added Tim, taking off his

spectacles, and smiling as with gentle pride, 'that there's such a place in all the world for coincidences as

'Don't know about it, Mr Francis!' interrupted Tim, with an obstinate air. 'Well, but let us know. If there is any

better place for such things, where is it? Is it in Europe? No, that it isn't. Is it in Asia? Why, of course it's not.

Is it in Africa? Not a bit of it. Is it in America? YOU know better than that, at all events. Well, then,' said

'I was not about to dispute the point, Tim,' said young Cheeryble, laughing. 'I am not such a heretic as that.

All I was going to say was, that I hold myself under an obligation to the coincidence, that's all.'

'Oh! if you don't dispute it,' said Tim, quite satisfied, 'that's another thing. I'll tell you what though. I wish you

had. I wish you or anybody would. I would so put that man down,' said Tim, tapping the forefinger of his left

It was quite impossible to find language to express the degree of mental prostration to which such an

adventurous wight would be reduced in the keen encounter with Tim Linkinwater, so Tim gave up the rest of

'We may consider ourselves, brother Ned,' said Charles, after he had patted Tim Linkinwater approvingly on

the back, 'very fortunate in having two such young men about us as our nephew Frank and Mr Nickleby. It

'Of Tim,' added brother Ned, 'I say nothing whatever, because Tim is a mere childan infanta nobody that

we never think of or take into account at all. Tim, you villain, what do you say to that, sir?'

'I am jealous of both of 'em,' said Tim, 'and mean to look out for another situation; so provide yourselves,

Tim thought this such an exquisite, unparalleled, and most extraordinary joke, that he laid his pen upon the

inkstand, and rather tumbling off his stool than getting down with his usual deliberation, laughed till he was

quite faint, shaking his head all the time so that little particles of powder flew palpably about the office. Nor

were the brothers at all behindhand, for they laughed almost as heartily at the ludicrous idea of any

CHAPTER 43. Officiates as a kind of Gentleman Usher, in bringing various People together 379

voluntary separation between themselves and old Tim. Nicholas and Mr Frank laughed quite boisterously,

perhaps to conceal some other emotion awakened by this little incident, (and so, indeed, did the three old

fellows after the first burst,) so perhaps there was as much keen enjoyment and relish in that laugh,

altogether, as the politest assembly ever derived from the most poignant witticism uttered at any one person's

'Mr Nickleby,' said brother Charles, calling him aside, and taking him kindly by the hand, 'IIam

anxious, my dear sir, to see that you are properly and comfortably settled in the cottage. We cannot allow

those who serve us well to labour under any privation or discomfort that it is in our power to remove. I wish,

too, to see your mother and sister: to know them, Mr Nickleby, and have an opportunity of relieving their

minds by assuring them that any trifling service we have been able to do them is a great deal more than repaid

by the zeal and ardour you display.Not a word, my dear sir, I beg. Tomorrow is Sunday. I shall make bold

to come out at teatime, and take the chance of finding you at home; if you are not, you know, or the ladies

should feel a delicacy in being intruded on, and would rather not be known to me just now, why I can come

again another time, any other time would do for me. Let it remain upon that understanding. Brother Ned, my

The twins went out of the office arminarm, and Nicholas, who saw in this act of kindness, and many others

of which he had been the subject that morning, only so many delicate renewals on the arrival of their nephew

of the kind assurance which the brothers had given him in his absence, could scarcely feel sufficient

The intelligence that they were to have visitorand such a visitor next day, awakened in the breast of Mrs

Nickleby mingled feelings of exultation and regret; for whereas on the one hand she hailed it as an omen of

her speedy restoration to good society and the almost forgotten pleasures of morning calls and evening

teadrinkings, she could not, on the other, but reflect with bitterness of spirit on the absence of a silver teapot

with an ivory knob on the lid, and a milkjug to match, which had been the pride of her heart in days of yore,

and had been kept from year's end to year's end wrapped up in washleather on a certain top shelf which now

'I wonder who's got that spicebox,' said Mrs Nickleby, shaking her head. 'It used to stand in the lefthand

'I shouldn't think you did, Kate,' returned Mrs Nickleby, in a severe manner, 'talking about it in that cold and

unfeeling way! If there is any one thing that vexes me in these losses more than the losses themselves, I do

protest and declare,' said Mrs Nickleby, rubbing her nose with an impassioned air, 'that it is to have people

'My dear mama,' said Kate, stealing her arm round her mother's neck, 'why do you say what I know you

cannot seriously mean or think, or why be angry with me for being happy and content? You and Nicholas are

left to me, we are together once again, and what regard can I have for a few trifling things of which we never

feel the want? When I have seen all the misery and desolation that death can bring, and known the lonesome

feeling of being solitary and alone in crowds, and all the agony of separation in grief and poverty when we

most needed comfort and support from each other, can you wonder that I look upon this as a place of such

delicious quiet and rest, that with you beside me I have nothing to wish for or regret? There was a time, and

not long since, when all the comforts of our old home did come back upon me, I own, very oftenoftener

than you would think perhapsbut I affected to care nothing for them, in the hope that you would so be

brought to regret them the less. I was not insensible, indeed. I might have felt happier if I had been. Dear

mama,' said Kate, in great agitation, 'I know no difference between this home and that in which we were all

CHAPTER 43. Officiates as a kind of Gentleman Usher, in bringing various People together 380

so happy for so many years, except that the kindest and gentlest heart that ever ached on earth has passed in

'I have so often thought,' sobbed Kate, 'of all his kind wordsof the last time he looked into my little room,

as he passed upstairs to bed, and said "God bless you, darling." There was a paleness in his face, mamathe

A gush of tears came to her relief, and Kate laid her head upon her mother's breast, and wept like a little

It is an exquisite and beautiful thing in our nature, that when the heart is touched and softened by some

tranquil happiness or affectionate feeling, the memory of the dead comes over it most powerfully and

irresistibly. It would almost seem as though our better thoughts and sympathies were charms, in virtue of

which the soul is enabled to hold some vague and mysterious intercourse with the spirits of those whom we

dearly loved in life. Alas! how often and how long may those patient angels hover above us, watching for the

Poor Mrs Nickleby, accustomed to give ready utterance to whatever came uppermost in her mind, had never

conceived the possibility of her daughter's dwelling upon these thoughts in secret, the more especially as no

hard trial or querulous reproach had ever drawn them from her. But now, when the happiness of all that

Nicholas had just told them, and of their new and peaceful life, brought these recollections so strongly upon

Kate that she could not suppress them, Mrs Nickleby began to have a glimmering that she had been rather

thoughtless now and then, and was conscious of something like selfreproach as she embraced her daughter,

There was a mighty bustle that night, and a vast quantity of preparation for the expected visitor, and a very

large nosegay was brought from a gardener's hard by, and cut up into a number of very small ones, with

which Mrs Nickleby would have garnished the little sittingroom, in a style that certainly could not have

failed to attract anybody's attention, if Kate had not offered to spare her the trouble, and arranged them in the

prettiest and neatest manner possible. If the cottage ever looked pretty, it must have been on such a bright and

sunshiny day as the next day was. But Smike's pride in the garden, or Mrs Nickleby's in the condition of the

furniture, or Kate's in everything, was nothing to the pride with which Nicholas looked at Kate herself; and

surely the costliest mansion in all England might have found in her beautiful face and graceful form its most

About six o'clock in the afternoon Mrs Nickleby was thrown into a great flutter of spirits by the

longexpected knock at the door, nor was this flutter at all composed by the audible tread of two pair of boots

in the passage, which Mrs Nickleby augured, in a breathless state, must be 'the two Mr Cheerybles;' as it

certainly was, though not the two Mrs Nickleby expected, because it was Mr Charles Cheeryble, and his

nephew, Mr Frank, who made a thousand apologies for his intrusion, which Mrs Nickleby (having

teaspoons enough and to spare for all) most graciously received. Nor did the appearance of this unexpected

visitor occasion the least embarrassment, (save in Kate, and that only to the extent of a blush or two at first,)

for the old gentleman was so kind and cordial, and the young gentleman imitated him in this respect so well,

that the usual stiffness and formality of a first meeting showed no signs of appearing, and Kate really more

than once detected herself in the very act of wondering when it was going to begin.

At the teatable there was plenty of conversation on a great variety of subjects, nor were there wanting jocose

matters of discussion, such as they were; for young Mr Cheeryble's recent stay in Germany happening to be

alluded to, old Mr Cheeryble informed the company that the aforesaid young Mr Cheeryble was suspected to

CHAPTER 43. Officiates as a kind of Gentleman Usher, in bringing various People together 381

have fallen deeply in love with the daughter of a certain German burgomaster. This accusation young Mr

Cheeryble most indignantly repelled, upon which Mrs Nickleby slyly remarked, that she suspected, from the

very warmth of the denial, there must be something in it. Young Mr Cheeryble then earnestly entreated old

Mr Cheeryble to confess that it was all a jest, which old Mr Cheeryble at last did, young Mr Cheeryble being

so much in earnest about it, thatas Mrs Nickleby said many thousand times afterwards in recalling the

scenehe 'quite coloured,' which she rightly considered a memorable circumstance, and one worthy of

remark, young men not being as a class remarkable for modesty or selfdenial, especially when there is a

lady in the case, when, if they colour at all, it is rather their practice to colour the story, and not themselves.

After tea there was a walk in the garden, and the evening being very fine they strolled out at the gardengate

into some lanes and bye roads, and sauntered up and down until it grew quite dark. The time seemed to pass

very quickly with all the party. Kate went first, leaning upon her brother's arm, and talking with him and Mr

Frank Cheeryble; and Mrs Nickleby and the elder gentleman followed at a short distance, the kindness of the

good merchant, his interest in the welfare of Nicholas, and his admiration of Kate, so operating upon the good

lady's feelings, that the usual current of her speech was confined within very narrow and circumscribed

limits. Smike (who, if he had ever been an object of interest in his life, had been one that day) accompanied

them, joining sometimes one group and sometimes the other, as brother Charles, laying his hand upon his

shoulder, bade him walk with him, or Nicholas, looking smilingly round, beckoned him to come and talk

with the old friend who understood him best, and who could win a smile into his careworn face when none

Pride is one of the seven deadly sins; but it cannot be the pride of a mother in her children, for that is a

compound of two cardinal virtuesfaith and hope. This was the pride which swelled Mrs Nickleby's heart

that night, and this it was which left upon her face, glistening in the light when they returned home, traces of

There was a quiet mirth about the little supper, which harmonised exactly with this tone of feeling, and at

length the two gentlemen took their leave. There was one circumstance in the leavetaking which occasioned

a vast deal of smiling and pleasantry, and that was, that Mr Frank Cheeryble offered his hand to Kate twice

over, quite forgetting that he had bade her adieu already. This was held by the elder Mr Cheeryble to be a

convincing proof that he was thinking of his German flame, and the jest occasioned immense laughter. So

In short, it was a day of serene and tranquil happiness; and as we all have some bright daymany of us, let

us hope, among a crowd of othersto which we revert with particular delight, so this one was often looked

back to afterwards, as holding a conspicuous place in the calendar of those who shared it.

Who was that who, in the silence of his own chamber, sunk upon his knees to pray as his first friend had

taught him, and folding his hands and stretching them wildly in the air, fell upon his face in a passion of bitter

There are some men who, living with the one object of enriching themselves, no matter by what means, and

being perfectly conscious of the baseness and rascality of the means which they will use every day towards

this end, affect neverthelesseven to themselvesa high tone of moral rectitude, and shake their heads and

CHAPTER 44. Mr Ralph Nickleby cuts an old Acquaintance. It would also appear from the Contents hereof, that a Joke, even between Husband and Wife, may be sometimes carried too far 382

sigh over the depravity of the world. Some of the craftiest scoundrels that ever walked this earth, or

ratherfor walking implies, at least, an erect position and the bearing of a manthat ever crawled and crept

through life by its dirtiest and narrowest ways, will gravely jot down in diaries the events of every day, and

keep a regular debtor and creditor account with Heaven, which shall always show a floating balance in their

own favour. Whether this is a gratuitous (the only gratuitous) part of the falsehood and trickery of such men's

lives, or whether they really hope to cheat Heaven itself, and lay up treasure in the next world by the same

process which has enabled them to lay up treasure in thisnot to question how it is, so it is. And, doubtless,

such bookkeeping (like certain autobiographies which have enlightened the world) cannot fail to prove

serviceable, in the one respect of sparing the recording Angel some time and labour.

Ralph Nickleby was not a man of this stamp. Stern, unyielding, dogged, and impenetrable, Ralph cared for

nothing in life, or beyond it, save the gratification of two passions, avarice, the first and predominant appetite

of his nature, and hatred, the second. Affecting to consider himself but a type of all humanity, he was at little

pains to conceal his true character from the world in general, and in his own heart he exulted over and

cherished every bad design as it had birth. The only scriptural admonition that Ralph Nickleby heeded, in the

letter, was 'know thyself.' He knew himself well, and choosing to imagine that all mankind were cast in the

same mould, hated them; for, though no man hates himself, the coldest among us having too much selflove

for that, yet most men unconsciously judge the world from themselves, and it will be very generally found

that those who sneer habitually at human nature, and affect to despise it, are among its worst and least

But the present business of these adventures is with Ralph himself, who stood regarding Newman Noggs with

a heavy frown, while that worthy took off his fingerless gloves, and spreading them carefully on the palm of

his left hand, and flattening them with his right to take the creases out, proceeded to roll them up with an

absent air as if he were utterly regardless of all things else, in the deep interest of the ceremonial.

The repetition of the word 'gone' seemed to afford Newman Noggs inexpressible delight, in proportion as it

annoyed Ralph Nickleby. He uttered the word with a full round emphasis, dwelling upon it as long as he

decently could, and when he could hold out no longer without attracting observation, stood gasping it to

'France,' replied Newman. 'Danger of another attack of erysipelas a worse attackin the head. So the

'And he carries his drubbing with him, does he?' said Ralph, turning away; 'pockets his bruises, and sneaks

CHAPTER 44. Mr Ralph Nickleby cuts an old Acquaintance. It would also appear from the Contents hereof, that a Joke, even between Husband and Wife, may be sometimes carried too far 383

'Too ill!' repeated Ralph. 'Why I would have it if I were dying; in that case I should only be the more

determined to have it, and that without delayI mean if I were he. But he's too ill! Poor Sir Mulberry! Too

Uttering these words with supreme contempt and great irritation of manner, Ralph signed hastily to Newman

to leave the room; and throwing himself into his chair, beat his foot impatiently upon the ground.

'There is some spell about that boy,' said Ralph, grinding his teeth. 'Circumstances conspire to help him. Talk

He thrust his hands impatiently into his pockets, but notwithstanding his previous reflection there was some

consolation there, for his face relaxed a little; and although there was still a deep frown upon the contracted

'This Hawk will come back, however,' muttered Ralph; 'and if I know the man (and I should by this time) his

wrath will have lost nothing of its violence in the meanwhile. Obliged to live in retirementthe monotony of

a sickroom to a man of his habitsno lifeno drinkno playnothing that he likes and lives by. He is

not likely to forget his obligations to the cause of all this. Few men would; but he of all others? No, no!'

He smiled and shook his head, and resting his chin upon his hand, fell a musing, and smiled again. After a

'I know that, fool, do I not?' said Ralph, irascibly. 'Has he been here since? Was he here this morning?'

'If he comes while I am outhe is pretty sure to be here by nine tonightlet him wait. And if there's another

man with him, as there will beperhaps,' said Ralph, checking himself, 'let him wait too.'

'Ay,' replied Ralph, turning upon him with an angry look. 'Help me on with this spencer, and don't repeat after

'I wish you were,' rejoined Ralph, drawing his spencer on; 'I'd have wrung your neck long ago.'

Newman returned no answer to this compliment, but looked over Ralph's shoulder for an instant, (he was

adjusting the collar of the spencer behind, just then,) as if he were strongly disposed to tweak him by the

nose. Meeting Ralph's eye, however, he suddenly recalled his wandering fingers, and rubbed his own red

Bestowing no further notice upon his eccentric follower than a threatening look, and an admonition to be

CHAPTER 44. Mr Ralph Nickleby cuts an old Acquaintance. It would also appear from the Contents hereof, that a Joke, even between Husband and Wife, may be sometimes carried too far 384

He appeared to have a very extraordinary and miscellaneous connection, and very odd calls he made, some at

great rich houses, and some at small poor ones, but all upon one subject: money. His face was a talisman to

the porters and servants of his more dashing clients, and procured him ready admission, though he trudged on

foot, and others, who were denied, rattled to the door in carriages. Here he was all softness and cringing

civility; his step so light, that it scarcely produced a sound upon the thick carpets; his voice so soft that it was

not audible beyond the person to whom it was addressed. But in the poorer habitations Ralph was another

man; his boots creaked upon the passage floor as he walked boldly in; his voice was harsh and loud as he

demanded the money that was overdue; his threats were coarse and angry. With another class of customers,

Ralph was again another man. These were attorneys of more than doubtful reputation, who helped him to new

business, or raised fresh profits upon old. With them Ralph was familiar and jocose, humorous upon the

topics of the day, and especially pleasant upon bankruptcies and pecuniary difficulties that made good for

trade. In short, it would have been difficult to have recognised the same man under these various aspects, but

for the bulky leather case full of bills and notes which he drew from his pocket at every house, and the

constant repetition of the same complaint, (varied only in tone and style of delivery,) that the world thought

him rich, and that perhaps he might be if he had his own; but there was no getting money in when it was once

out, either principal or interest, and it was a hard matter to live; even to live from day to day.

It was evening before a long round of such visits (interrupted only by a scanty dinner at an eatinghouse)

There were some deep schemes in his head, as the puckered brow and firmlyset mouth would have

abundantly testified, even if they had been unaccompanied by a complete indifference to, or unconsciousness

of, the objects about him. So complete was his abstraction, however, that Ralph, usually as quicksighted as

any man, did not observe that he was followed by a shambling figure, which at one time stole behind him

with noiseless footsteps, at another crept a few paces before him, and at another glided along by his side; at

all times regarding him with an eye so keen, and a look so eager and attentive, that it was more like the

expression of an intrusive face in some powerful picture or strongly marked dream, than the scrutiny even of

The sky had been lowering and dark for some time, and the commencement of a violent storm of rain drove

Ralph for shelter to a tree. He was leaning against it with folded arms, still buried in thought, when,

happening to raise his eyes, he suddenly met those of a man who, creeping round the trunk, peered into his

face with a searching look. There was something in the usurer's expression at the moment, which the man

appeared to remember well, for it decided him; and stepping close up to Ralph, he pronounced his name.

Astonished for the moment, Ralph fell back a couple of paces and surveyed him from head to foot. A spare,

dark, withered man, of about his own age, with a stooping body, and a very sinister face rendered more

illfavoured by hollow and hungry cheeks, deeply sunburnt, and thick black eyebrows, blacker in contrast

with the perfect whiteness of his hair; roughly clothed in shabby garments, of a strange and uncouth make;

and having about him an indefinable manner of depression and degradationthis, for a moment, was all he

saw. But he looked again, and the face and person seemed gradually to grow less strange; to change as he

looked, to subside and soften into lineaments that were familiar, until at last they resolved themselves, as if

by some strange optical illusion, into those of one whom he had known for many years, and forgotten and

The man saw that the recognition was mutual, and beckoning to Ralph to take his former place under the tree,

and not to stand in the falling rain, of which, in his first surprise, he had been quite regardless, addressed him

'You would hardly have known me from my voice, I suppose, Mr Nickleby?' he said.

CHAPTER 44. Mr Ralph Nickleby cuts an old Acquaintance. It would also appear from the Contents hereof, that a Joke, even between Husband and Wife, may be sometimes carried too far 385

'No,' returned Ralph, bending a severe look upon him. 'Though there is something in that, that I remember

'There is little in me that you can call to mind as having been there eight years ago, I dare say?' observed the

'Quite enough,' said Ralph, carelessly, and averting his face. 'More than enough.'

'If I had remained in doubt about YOU, Mr Nickleby,' said the other, 'this reception, and YOUR manner,

'You were right,' retorted Ralph; 'and as you feel no surprise, need express none.'

'Mr Nickleby,' said the man, bluntly, after a brief pause, during which he had seemed to struggle with an

inclination to answer him by some reproach, 'will you hear a few words that I have to say?'

'I am obliged to wait here till the rain holds a little,' said Ralph, looking abroad. 'If you talk, sir, I shall not put

my fingers in my ears, though your talking may have as much effect as if I did.'

'I was once in your confidence' thus his companion began. Ralph looked round, and smiled involuntarily.

'Well,' said the other, 'as much in your confidence as you ever chose to let anybody be.'

'Ah!' rejoined Ralph, folding his arms; 'that's another thing, quite another thing.'

'Of humanity,' replied the other, sternly. 'I am hungry and in want. If the change that you must see in me after

so long an absencemust see, for I, upon whom it has come by slow and hard degrees, see it and know it

wellwill not move you to pity, let the knowledge that bread; not the daily bread of the Lord's Prayer,

which, as it is offered up in cities like this, is understood to include half the luxuries of the world for the rich,

and just as much coarse food as will support life for the poornot that, but bread, a crust of dry hard bread,

is beyond my reach todaylet that have some weight with you, if nothing else has.'

'If this is the usual form in which you beg, sir,' said Ralph, 'you have studied your part well; but if you will

take advice from one who knows something of the world and its ways, I should recommend a lower tone; a

little lower tone, or you stand a fair chance of being starved in good earnest.'

As he said this, Ralph clenched his left wrist tightly with his right hand, and inclining his head a little on one

side and dropping his chin upon his breast, looked at him whom he addressed with a frowning, sullen face.

'Yesterday was my first day in London,' said the old man, glancing at his travelstained dress and worn

CHAPTER 44. Mr Ralph Nickleby cuts an old Acquaintance. It would also appear from the Contents hereof, that a Joke, even between Husband and Wife, may be sometimes carried too far 386

'It would have been better for you, I think, if it had been your last also,' replied Ralph.

'I have been seeking you these two days, where I thought you were most likely to be found,' resumed the

other more humbly, 'and I met you here at last, when I had almost given up the hope of encountering you, Mr

'I am a most miserable and wretched outcast, nearly sixty years old, and as destitute and helpless as a child of

'I am sixty years old, too,' replied Ralph, 'and am neither destitute nor helpless. Work. Don't make fine

'How?' cried the other. 'Where? Show me the means. Will you give them to mewill you?'

'I did once,' replied Ralph, composedly; 'you scarcely need ask me whether I will again.'

'It's twenty years ago, or more,' said the man, in a suppressed voice, 'since you and I fell out. You remember

that? I claimed a share in the profits of some business I brought to you, and, as I persisted, you arrested me

for an old advance of ten pounds, odd shillings, including interest at fifty per cent, or so.'

'That didn't part us,' said the man. 'I made submission, being on the wrong side of the bolts and bars; and as

you were not the made man then that you are now, you were glad enough to take back a clerk who wasn't

'You begged and prayed, and I consented,' returned Ralph. 'That was kind of me. Perhaps I did want you. I

forget. I should think I did, or you would have begged in vain. You were useful; not too honest, not too

'Useful, indeed!' said the man. 'Come. You had pinched and ground me down for some years before that, but I

had served you faithfully up to that time, in spite of all your dog's usage. Had I?'

'You had had your wages,' rejoined Ralph, 'and had done your work. We stood on equal ground so far, and

'Not afterwards, certainly, nor even then, for (as you have just said) you owed me money, and do still,' replied

'That's not all,' said the man, eagerly. 'That's not all. Mark that. I didn't forget that old sore, trust me. Partly in

remembrance of that, and partly in the hope of making money someday by the scheme, I took advantage of

my position about you, and possessed myself of a hold upon you, which you would give half of all you have

to know, and never can know but through me. I left youlong after that time, rememberand, for some

CHAPTER 44. Mr Ralph Nickleby cuts an old Acquaintance. It would also appear from the Contents hereof, that a Joke, even between Husband and Wife, may be sometimes carried too far 387

poor trickery that came within the law, but was nothing to what you moneymakers daily practise just outside

its bounds, was sent away a convict for seven years. I have returned what you see me. Now, Mr Nickleby,'

said the man, with a strange mixture of humility and sense of power, 'what help and assistance will you give

me; what bribe, to speak out plainly? My expectations are not monstrous, but I must live, and to live I must

eat and drink. Money is on your side, and hunger and thirst on mine. You may drive an easy bargain.'

'Is that all?' said Ralph, still eyeing his companion with the same steady look, and moving nothing but his

'Why then, harkye, Mr Brooker,' said Ralph, in his harshest accents, 'and don't expect to draw another speech

from me. Harkye, sir. I know you of old for a ready scoundrel, but you never had a stout heart; and hard

work, with (maybe) chains upon those legs of yours, and shorter food than when I "pinched" and "ground"

you, has blunted your wits, or you would not come with such a tale as this to me. You a hold upon me! Keep

'Wouldn't it?' said Ralph. 'It will serve you as much as bringing it to me, I promise you. To be plain with you,

I am a careful man, and know my affairs thoroughly. I know the world, and the world knows me. Whatever

you gleaned, or heard, or saw, when you served me, the world knows and magnifies already. You could tell it

nothing that would surprise it, unless, indeed, it redounded to my credit or honour, and then it would scout

you for a liar. And yet I don't find business slack, or clients scrupulous. Quite the contrary. I am reviled or

threatened every day by one man or another,' said Ralph; 'but things roll on just the same, and I don't grow

'I neither revile nor threaten,' rejoined the man. 'I can tell you of what you have lost by my act, what I only

can restore, and what, if I die without restoring, dies with me, and never can be regained.'

'I tell my money pretty accurately, and generally keep it in my own custody,' said Ralph. 'I look sharply after

most men that I deal with, and most of all I looked sharply after you. You are welcome to all you have kept

'Are those of your own name dear to you?' said the man emphatically. 'If they are'

'They are not,' returned Ralph, exasperated at this perseverance, and the thought of Nicholas, which the last

question awakened. 'They are not. If you had come as a common beggar, I might have thrown a sixpence to

you in remembrance of the clever knave you used to be; but since you try to palm these stale tricks upon one

you might have known better, I'll not part with a halfpennynor would I to save you from rotting. And

remember this, 'scapegallows,' said Ralph, menacing him with his hand, 'that if we meet again, and you so

much as notice me by one begging gesture, you shall see the inside of a jail once more, and tighten this hold

upon me in intervals of the hard labour that vagabonds are put to. There's my answer to your trash. Take it.'

With a disdainful scowl at the object of his anger, who met his eye but uttered not a word, Ralph walked

away at his usual pace, without manifesting the slightest curiosity to see what became of his late companion,

or indeed once looking behind him. The man remained on the same spot with his eyes fixed upon his

CHAPTER 44. Mr Ralph Nickleby cuts an old Acquaintance. It would also appear from the Contents hereof, that a Joke, even between Husband and Wife, may be sometimes carried too far 388

retreating figure until it was lost to view, and then drawing his arm about his chest, as if the damp and lack of

food struck coldly to him, lingered with slouching steps by the wayside, and begged of those who passed

Ralph, in nowise moved by what had lately passed, further than as he had already expressed himself, walked

deliberately on, and turning out of the Park and leaving Golden Square on his right, took his way through

some streets at the west end of the town until he arrived in that particular one in which stood the residence of

Madame Mantalini. The name of that lady no longer appeared on the flaming doorplate, that of Miss Knag

being substituted in its stead; but the bonnets and dresses were still dimly visible in the firstfloor windows

by the decaying light of a summer's evening, and excepting this ostensible alteration in the proprietorship, the

'Humph!' muttered Ralph, drawing his hand across his mouth with a connoisseurlike air, and surveying the

house from top to bottom; 'these people look pretty well. They can't last long; but if I know of their going in

good time, I am safe, and a fair profit too. I must keep them closely in view; that's all.'

So, nodding his head very complacently, Ralph was leaving the spot, when his quick ear caught the sound of

a confused noise and hubbub of voices, mingled with a great running up and down stairs, in the very house

which had been the subject of his scrutiny; and while he was hesitating whether to knock at the door or listen

at the keyhole a little longer, a female servant of Madame Mantalini's (whom he had often seen) opened it

'Hallo here. Stop!' cried Ralph. 'What's the matter? Here am I. Didn't you hear me knock?'

'Oh! Mr Nickleby, sir,' said the girl. 'Go up, for the love of Gracious. Master's been and done it again.'

'Come here, you silly wench,' said Ralph, catching her by the wrist; 'and don't carry family matters to the

neighbours, destroying the credit of the establishment. Come here; do you hear me, girl?'

Without any further expostulation, he led or rather pulled the frightened handmaid into the house, and shut

the door; then bidding her walk upstairs before him, followed without more ceremony.

Guided by the noise of a great many voices all talking together, and passing the girl in his impatience, before

they had ascended many steps, Ralph quickly reached the private sittingroom, when he was rather amazed

There were all the younglady workers, some with bonnets and some without, in various attitudes expressive

of alarm and consternation; some gathered round Madame Mantalini, who was in tears upon one chair; and

others round Miss Knag, who was in opposition tears upon another; and others round Mr Mantalini, who was

perhaps the most striking figure in the whole group, for Mr Mantalini's legs were extended at full length upon

the floor, and his head and shoulders were supported by a very tall footman, who didn't seem to know what to

do with them, and Mr Mantalini's eyes were closed, and his face was pale and his hair was comparatively

straight, and his whiskers and moustache were limp, and his teeth were clenched, and he had a little bottle in

his right hand, and a little teaspoon in his left; and his hands, arms, legs, and shoulders, were all stiff and

powerless. And yet Madame Mantalini was not weeping upon the body, but was scolding violently upon her

chair; and all this amidst a clamour of tongues perfectly deafening, and which really appeared to have driven

CHAPTER 44. Mr Ralph Nickleby cuts an old Acquaintance. It would also appear from the Contents hereof, that a Joke, even between Husband and Wife, may be sometimes carried too far 389

At this inquiry, the clamour was increased twentyfold, and an astounding string of such shrill contradictions

as 'He's poisoned himself''He hasn't''Send for a doctor''Don't''He's dying' 'He isn't, he's only

pretending'with various other cries, poured forth with bewildering volubility, until Madame Mantalini was

seen to address herself to Ralph, when female curiosity to know what she would say, prevailed, and, as if by

general consent, a dead silence, unbroken by a single whisper, instantaneously succeeded.

'Mr Nickleby,' said Madame Mantalini; 'by what chance you came here, I don't know.'

Here a gurgling voice was heard to ejaculate, as part of the wanderings of a sick man, the words 'Demnition

sweetness!' but nobody heeded them except the footman, who, being startled to hear such awful tones

proceeding, as it were, from between his very fingers, dropped his master's head upon the floor with a pretty

loud crash, and then, without an effort to lift it up, gazed upon the bystanders, as if he had done something

'I will, however,' continued Madame Mantalini, drying her eyes, and speaking with great indignation, 'say

before you, and before everybody here, for the first time, and once for all, that I never will supply that man's

extravagances and viciousness again. I have been a dupe and a fool to him long enough. In future, he shall

support himself if he can, and then he may spend what money he pleases, upon whom and how he pleases;

but it shall not be mine, and therefore you had better pause before you trust him further.'

Thereupon Madame Mantalini, quite unmoved by some most pathetic lamentations on the part of her

husband, that the apothecary had not mixed the prussic acid strong enough, and that he must take another

bottle or two to finish the work he had in hand, entered into a catalogue of that amiable gentleman's

gallantries, deceptions, extravagances, and infidelities (especially the last), winding up with a protest against

being supposed to entertain the smallest remnant of regard for him; and adducing, in proof of the altered state

of her affections, the circumstance of his having poisoned himself in private no less than six times within the

last fortnight, and her not having once interfered by word or deed to save his life.

'And I insist on being separated and left to myself,' said Madame Mantalini, sobbing. 'If he dares to refuse me

a separation, I'll have one in lawI canand I hope this will be a warning to all girls who have seen this

Miss Knag, who was unquestionably the oldest girl in company, said with great solemnity, that it would be a

warning to HER, and so did the young ladies generally, with the exception of one or two who appeared to

'Why do you say all this before so many listeners?' said Ralph, in a low voice. 'You know you are not in

'I AM in earnest,' replied Madame Mantalini, aloud, and retreating towards Miss Knag.

'Well, but consider,' reasoned Ralph, who had a great interest in the matter. 'It would be well to reflect. A

'Not a solitary single individual dem, my soul,' and Mr Mantalini, raising himself upon his elbow.

'I am quite aware of that,' retorted Madame Mantalini, tossing her head; 'and I have none. The business, the

CHAPTER 44. Mr Ralph Nickleby cuts an old Acquaintance. It would also appear from the Contents hereof, that a Joke, even between Husband and Wife, may be sometimes carried too far 390

'That's quite true, Madame Mantalini,' said Miss Knag, with whom her late employer had secretly come to an

amicable understanding on this point. 'Very true, indeed, Madame Mantalinihemvery true. And I never

was more glad in all my life, that I had strength of mind to resist matrimonial offers, no matter how

advantageous, than I am when I think of my present position as compared with your most unfortunate and

'Demmit!' cried Mr Mantalini, turning his head towards his wife. 'Will it not slap and pinch the envious

But the day of Mr Mantalini's blandishments had departed. 'Miss Knag, sir,' said his wife, 'is my particular

friend;' and although Mr Mantalini leered till his eyes seemed in danger of never coming back to their right

To do the excellent Miss Knag justice, she had been mainly instrumental in bringing about this altered state

of things, for, finding by daily experience, that there was no chance of the business thriving, or even

continuing to exist, while Mr Mantalini had any hand in the expenditure, and having now a considerable

interest in its welldoing, she had sedulously applied herself to the investigation of some little matters

connected with that gentleman's private character, which she had so well elucidated, and artfully imparted to

Madame Mantalini, as to open her eyes more effectually than the closest and most philosophical reasoning

could have done in a series of years. To which end, the accidental discovery by Miss Knag of some tender

correspondence, in which Madame Mantalini was described as 'old' and 'ordinary,' had most providentially

However, notwithstanding her firmness, Madame Mantalini wept very piteously; and as she leant upon Miss

Knag, and signed towards the door, that young lady and all the other young ladies with sympathising faces,

'Nickleby,' said Mr Mantalini in tears, 'you have been made a witness to this demnition cruelty, on the part of

the demdest enslaver and captivator that never was, oh dem! I forgive that woman.'

'I do forgive her, Nickleby,' said Mr Mantalini. 'You will blame me, the world will blame me, the women will

blame me; everybody will laugh, and scoff, and smile, and grin most demnebly. They will say, "She had a

blessing. She did not know it. He was too weak; he was too good; he was a dem'd fine fellow, but he loved

too strong; he could not bear her to be cross, and call him wicked names. It was a dem'd case, there never was

With this affecting speech Mr Mantalini fell down again very flat, and lay to all appearance without sense or

motion, until all the females had left the room, when he came cautiously into a sitting posture, and confronted

Ralph with a very blank face, and the little bottle still in one hand and the teaspoon in the other.

'You may put away those fooleries now, and live by your wits again,' said Ralph, coolly putting on his hat.

'I am wrong, perhaps,' rejoined Ralph. 'I hope so. You should know best. Goodnight.'

CHAPTER 44. Mr Ralph Nickleby cuts an old Acquaintance. It would also appear from the Contents hereof, that a Joke, even between Husband and Wife, may be sometimes carried too far 391

Affecting not to hear his entreaties that he would stay and advise with him, Ralph left the crestfallen Mr

'Oho!' he said, 'sets the wind that way so soon? Half knave and half fool, and detected in both characters? I

As he said this, he made some memorandum in his pocketbook in which Mr Mantalini's name figured

conspicuously, and finding by his watch that it was between nine and ten o'clock, made all speed home.

Ralph angrily repeated his orders, and Noggs, who might well have been excused for wondering at such an

unusual and extraordinary circumstance (for he had never seen Ralph in a coach in his life) departed on his

Into it went Mr Squeers, and Ralph, and the third man, whom Newman Noggs had never seen. Newman

stood upon the doorstep to see them off, not troubling himself to wonder where or upon what business they

were going, until he chanced by mere accident to hear Ralph name the address whither the coachman was to

Quick as lightning and in a state of the most extreme wonder, Newman darted into his little office for his hat,

and limped after the coach as if with the intention of getting up behind; but in this design he was balked, for it

had too much the start of him and was soon hopelessly ahead, leaving him gaping in the empty street.

'I don't know though,' said Noggs, stopping for breath, 'any good that I could have done by going too. He

would have seen me if I had. Drive THERE! What can come of this? If I had only known it yesterday I could

His reflections were interrupted by a greyhaired man of a very remarkable, though far from prepossessing

Newman, still cogitating deeply, turned away; but the man followed him, and pressed him with such a tale of

misery that Newman (who might have been considered a hopeless person to beg from, and who had little

enough to give) looked into his hat for some halfpence which he usually kept screwed up, when he had any,

While he was busily untwisting the knot with his teeth, the man said something which attracted his attention;

whatever that something was, it led to something else, and in the end he and Newman walked away side by

CHAPTER 44. Mr Ralph Nickleby cuts an old Acquaintance. It would also appear from the Contents hereof, that a Joke, even between Husband and Wife, may be sometimes carried too far 392

'As we gang awa' fra' Lunnun tomorrow neeght, and as I dinnot know that I was e'er so happy in a' my days,

Misther Nickleby, Ding! but I WILL tak' anoother glass to our next merry meeting!'

So said John Browdie, rubbing his hands with great joyousness, and looking round him with a ruddy shining

The time at which John found himself in this enviable condition was the same evening to which the last

chapter bore reference; the place was the cottage; and the assembled company were Nicholas, Mrs Nickleby,

A very merry party they had been. Mrs Nickleby, knowing of her son's obligations to the honest

Yorkshireman, had, after some demur, yielded her consent to Mr and Mrs Browdie being invited out to tea; in

the way of which arrangement, there were at first sundry difficulties and obstacles, arising out of her not

having had an opportunity of 'calling' upon Mrs Browdie first; for although Mrs Nickleby very often observed

with much complacency (as most punctilious people do), that she had not an atom of pride or formality about

her, still she was a great stickler for dignity and ceremonies; and as it was manifest that, until a call had been

made, she could not be (politely speaking, and according to the laws of society) even cognisant of the fact of

Mrs Browdie's existence, she felt her situation to be one of peculiar delicacy and difficulty.

'The call MUST originate with me, my dear,' said Mrs Nickleby, 'that's indispensable. The fact is, my dear,

that it's necessary there should be a sort of condescension on my part, and that I should show this young

person that I am willing to take notice of her. There's a very respectablelooking young man,' added Mrs

Nickleby, after a short consideration, 'who is conductor to one of the omnibuses that go by here, and who

wears a glazed hatyour sister and I have noticed him very oftenhe has a wart upon his nose, Kate, you

'Nicholas, my dear, how very absurd you are,' returned his mother; 'of course I mean that his glazed hat looks

like a gentleman's servant, and not the wart upon his nose; though even that is not so ridiculous as it may

seem to you, for we had a footboy once, who had not only a wart, but a wen also, and a very large wen too,

and he demanded to have his wages raised in consequence, because he found it came very expensive. Let me

see, what was Ioh yes, I know. The best way that I can think of would be to send a card, and my

compliments, (I've no doubt he'd take 'em for a pot of porter,) by this young man, to the Saracen with Two

Necks. If the waiter took him for a gentleman's servant, so much the better. Then all Mrs Browdie would

have to do would be to send her card back by the carrier (he could easily come with a double knock), and

'My dear mother,' said Nicholas, 'I don't suppose such unsophisticated people as these ever had a card of their

'Oh that, indeed, Nicholas, my dear,' returned Mrs Nickleby, 'that's another thing. If you put it upon that

ground, why, of course, I have no more to say, than that I have no doubt they are very good sort of persons,

and that I have no kind of objection to their coming here to tea if they like, and shall make a point of being

The point being thus effectually set at rest, and Mrs Nickleby duly placed in the patronising and

mildlycondescending position which became her rank and matrimonial years, Mr and Mrs Browdie were

invited and came; and as they were very deferential to Mrs Nickleby, and seemed to have a becoming

appreciation of her greatness, and were very much pleased with everything, the good lady had more than once

given Kate to understand, in a whisper, that she thought they were the very bestmeaning people she had ever

And thus it came to pass, that John Browdie declared, in the parlour after supper, to wit, and twenty minutes

Nor was Mrs Browdie much behind her husband in this respect, for that young matron, whose rustic beauty

contrasted very prettily with the more delicate loveliness of Kate, and without suffering by the contrast either,

for each served as it were to set off and decorate the other, could not sufficiently admire the gentle and

winning manners of the young lady, or the engaging affability of the elder one. Then Kate had the art of

turning the conversation to subjects upon which the country girl, bashful at first in strange company, could

feel herself at home; and if Mrs Nickleby was not quite so felicitous at times in the selection of topics of

discourse, or if she did seem, as Mrs Browdie expressed it, 'rather high in her notions,' still nothing could be

kinder, and that she took considerable interest in the young couple was manifest from the very long lectures

on housewifery with which she was so obliging as to entertain Mrs Browdie's private ear, which were

illustrated by various references to the domestic economy of the cottage, in which (those duties falling

exclusively upon Kate) the good lady had about as much share, either in theory or practice, as any one of the

statues of the Twelve Apostles which embellish the exterior of St Paul's Cathedral.

'Mr Browdie,' said Kate, addressing his young wife, 'is the best humoured, the kindest and heartiest creature

I ever saw. If I were oppressed with I don't know how many cares, it would make me happy only to look at

'He does seem indeed, upon my word, a most excellent creature, Kate,' said Mrs Nickleby; 'most excellent.

And I am sure that at all times it will give me pleasurereally pleasure nowto have you, Mrs Browdie, to

see me in this plain and homely manner. We make no display,' said Mrs Nickleby, with an air which seemed

to insinuate that they could make a vast deal if they were so disposed; 'no fuss, no preparation; I wouldn't

allow it. I said, "Kate, my dear, you will only make Mrs Browdie feel uncomfortable, and how very foolish

'I am very much obliged to you, I am sure, ma'am,' returned Mrs Browdie, gratefully. 'It's nearly eleven

'Late!' cried Mrs Nickleby, with a sharp thin laugh, and one little cough at the end, like a note of admiration

expressed. 'This is quite early for us. We used to keep such hours! Twelve, one, two, three o'clock was

nothing to us. Balls, dinners, cardparties! Never were such rakes as the people about where we used to live.

I often think now, I am sure, that how we ever could go through with it is quite astonishing, and that is just

the evil of having a large connection and being a great deal sought after, which I would recommend all young

married people steadily to resist; though of course, and it's perfectly clear, and a very happy thing too, I think,

that very few young married people can be exposed to such temptations. There was one family in particular,

that used to live about a mile from usnot straight down the road, but turning sharp off to the left by the

turnpike where the Plymouth mail ran over the donkeythat were quite extraordinary people for giving the

most extravagant parties, with artificial flowers and champagne, and variegated lamps, and, in short, every

delicacy of eating and drinking that the most singular epicure could possibly require. I don't think that there

ever were such people as those Peltiroguses. You remember the Peltiroguses, Kate?'

Kate saw that for the ease and comfort of the visitors it was high time to stay this flood of recollection, so

answered that she entertained of the Peltiroguses a most vivid and distinct remembrance; and then said that

Mr Browdie had half promised, early in the evening, that he would sing a Yorkshire song, and that she was

most impatient that he should redeem his promise, because she was sure it would afford her mama more

Mrs Nickleby confirming her daughter with the best possible grace for there was patronage in that too, and

a kind of implication that she had a discerning taste in such matters, and was something of a criticJohn

Browdie proceeded to consider the words of some north country ditty, and to take his wife's recollection

respecting the same. This done, he made divers ungainly movements in his chair, and singling out one

particular fly on the ceiling from the other flies there asleep, fixed his eyes upon him, and began to roar a

meek sentiment (supposed to be uttered by a gentle swain fast pining away with love and despair) in a voice

At the end of the first verse, as though some person without had waited until then to make himself audible,

was heard a loud and violent knocking at the streetdoor; so loud and so violent, indeed, that the ladies

'It must be some mistake,' said Nicholas, carelessly. 'We know nobody who would come here at this hour.'

Mrs Nickleby surmised, however, that perhaps the countinghouse was burnt down, or perhaps 'the Mr

Cheerybles' had sent to take Nicholas into partnership (which certainly appeared highly probable at that time

of night), or perhaps Mr Linkinwater had run away with the property, or perhaps Miss La Creevy was taken

But a hasty exclamation from Kate stopped her abruptly in her conjectures, and Ralph Nickleby walked into

'Stay,' said Ralph, as Nicholas rose, and Kate, making her way towards him, threw herself upon his arm.

Nicholas bit his lip and shook his head in a threatening manner, but appeared for the moment unable to

articulate a syllable. Kate clung closer to his arm, Smike retreated behind them, and John Browdie, who had

heard of Ralph, and appeared to have no great difficulty in recognising him, stepped between the old man and

his young friend, as if with the intention of preventing either of them from advancing a step further.

'Say what thou'st gotten to say then, sir,' retorted John; 'and tak' care thou dinnot put up angry bluid which

'I should know YOU,' said Ralph, 'by your tongue; and HIM' (pointing to Smike) 'by his looks.'

'Don't speak to him,' said Nicholas, recovering his voice. 'I will not have it. I will not hear him. I do not know

that man. I cannot breathe the air that he corrupts. His presence is an insult to my sister. It is shame to see

'Then let him instantly retire,' said Nicholas, struggling. 'I am not going to lay hands upon him, but he shall

withdraw. I will not have him here. John, John Browdie, is this my house, am I a child? If he stands there,'

cried Nicholas, burning with fury, 'looking so calmly upon those who know his black and dastardly heart,

To all these exclamations John Browdie answered not a word, but he retained his hold upon Nicholas; and

'There's more to say and hear than thou think'st for,' said John. 'I tell'ee I ha' gotten scent o' thot already. Wa'at

be that shadow ootside door there? Noo, schoolmeasther, show thyself, mun; dinnot be sheamefeaced. Noo,

Hearing this adjuration, Mr Squeers, who had been lingering in the passage until such time as it should be

expedient for him to enter and he could appear with effect, was fain to present himself in a somewhat

undignified and sneaking way; at which John Browdie laughed with such keen and heartfelt delight, that even

Kate, in all the pain, anxiety, and surprise of the scene, and though the tears were in her eyes, felt a

Ralph waited until there was a perfect silence, and then turning to Mrs Nickleby, but directing an eager

'Now, ma'am, listen to me. I don't imagine that you were a party to a very fine tirade of words sent me by that

boy of yours, because I don't believe that under his control, you have the slightest will of your own, or that

your advice, your opinion, your wants, your wishes, anything which in nature and reason (or of what use is

your great experience?) ought to weigh with him, has the slightest influence or weight whatever, or is taken

Mrs Nickleby shook her head and sighed, as if there were a good deal in that, certainly.

'For this reason,' resumed Ralph, 'I address myself to you, ma'am. For this reason, partly, and partly because I

do not wish to be disgraced by the acts of a vicious stripling whom I was obliged to disown, and who,

afterwards, in his boyish majesty, feigns toha! ha!to disown ME, I present myself here tonight. I have

another motive in coming: a motive of humanity. I come here,' said Ralph, looking round with a biting and

triumphant smile, and gloating and dwelling upon the words as if he were loath to lose the pleasure of saying

them, 'to restore a parent his child. Ay, sir,' he continued, bending eagerly forward, and addressing Nicholas,

as he marked the change of his countenance, 'to restore a parent his child; his son, sir; trepanned, waylaid,

and guarded at every turn by you, with the base design of robbing him some day of any little wretched

'Here!' sneered Squeers, stepping forward. 'Do you hear that? Here! Didn't I tell you to be careful that his

father didn't turn up and send him back to me? Why, his father's my friend; he's to come back to me directly,

he is. Now, what do you sayeh!now comewhat do you say to thatan't you sorry you took so

'You bear upon your body certain marks I gave you,' said Nicholas, looking quietly away, 'and may talk in

acknowledgment of them as much as you please. You'll talk a long time before you rub them out, Mr

The estimable gentleman last named cast a hasty look at the table, as if he were prompted by this retort to

throw a jug or bottle at the head of Nicholas, but he was interrupted in this design (if such design he had) by

Ralph, who, touching him on the elbow, bade him tell the father that he might now appear and claim his son.

This being purely a labour of love, Mr Squeers readily complied, and leaving the room for the purpose,

almost immediately returned, supporting a sleek personage with an oily face, who, bursting from him, and

giving to view the form and face of Mr Snawley, made straight up to Smike, and tucking that poor fellow's

head under his arm in a most uncouth and awkward embrace, elevated his broad brimmed hat at arm's

length in the air as a token of devout thanksgiving, exclaiming, meanwhile, 'How little did I think of this here

'Be composed, sir,' said Ralph, with a gruff expression of sympathy, 'you have got him now.'

'Got him! Oh, haven't I got him! Have I got him, though?' cried Mr Snawley, scarcely able to believe it. 'Yes,

Mr Snawley was too much occupied by his parental feelings to notice this remark; and, to assure himself

more completely of the restoration of his child, tucked his head under his arm again, and kept it there.

'What was it,' said Snawley, 'that made me take such a strong interest in him, when that worthy instructor of

youth brought him to my house? What was it that made me burn all over with a wish to chastise him severely

'That's what it was, sir,' rejoined Snawley; 'the elevated feeling, the feeling of the ancient Romans and

Grecians, and of the beasts of the field and birds of the air, with the exception of rabbits and tomcats, which

sometimes devour their offspring. My heart yearned towards him. I could haveI don't know what I couldn't

'I believe you,' added Mr Squeers, with a moral sigh. 'I should like to know how we should ever get on

without her. Natur,' said Mr Squeers, solemnly, 'is more easier conceived than described. Oh what a blessed

Pending this philosophical discourse, the bystanders had been quite stupefied with amazement, while

Nicholas had looked keenly from Snawley to Squeers, and from Squeers to Ralph, divided between his

feelings of disgust, doubt, and surprise. At this juncture, Smike escaping from his father fled to Nicholas, and

implored him, in most moving terms, never to give him up, but to let him live and die beside him.

'If you are this boy's father,' said Nicholas, 'look at the wreck he is, and tell me that you purpose to send him

'Scandal again!' cried Squeers. 'Recollect, you an't worth powder and shot, but I'll be even with you one way

'Stop,' interposed Ralph, as Snawley was about to speak. 'Let us cut this matter short, and not bandy words

here with harebrained profligates. This is your son, as you can prove. And you, Mr Squeers, you know this

boy to be the same that was with you for so many years under the name of Smike. Do you?'

'Good,' said Ralph; 'a very few words will be sufficient here. You had a son by your first wife, Mr Snawley?'

'We'll show that presently,' said Ralph. 'You and your wife were separated, and she had the boy to live with

her, when he was a year old. You received a communication from her, when you had lived apart a year or

'Be rational, sir, pray,' said Ralph. 'This is business, and transports interfere with it. This wife died a year and

a half ago, or thereaboutsnot morein some obscure place, where she was housekeeper in a family. Is that

'Having written on her deathbed a letter or confession to you, about this very boy, which, as it was not

directed otherwise than in your name, only reached you, and that by a circuitous course, a few days since?'

'And this confession,' resumed Ralph, 'is to the effect that his death was an invention of hers to wound

youwas a part of a system of annoyance, in short, which you seem to have adopted towards each

otherthat the boy lived, but was of weak and imperfect intellect that she sent him by a trusty hand to a

cheap school in Yorkshire that she had paid for his education for some years, and then, being poor, and

going a long way off, gradually deserted him, for which she prayed forgiveness?'

Snawley nodded his head, and wiped his eyes; the first slightly, the last violently.

'The school was Mr Squeers's,' continued Ralph; 'the boy was left there in the name of Smike; every

description was fully given, dates tally exactly with Mr Squeers's books, Mr Squeers is lodging with you at

this time; you have two other boys at his school: you communicated the whole discovery to him, he brought

you to me as the person who had recommended to him the kidnapper of his child; and I brought you here. Is

'You talk like a good book, sir, that's got nothing in its inside but what's the truth,' replied Snawley.

'This is your pocketbook,' said Ralph, producing one from his coat; 'the certificates of your first marriage

and of the boy's birth, and your wife's two letters, and every other paper that can support these statements

'And you don't object to their being looked at here, so that these people may be convinced of your power to

substantiate your claim at once in law and reason, and you may resume your control over your own son

'There, then,' said Ralph, tossing the pocketbook upon the table. 'Let them see them if they like; and as those

are the original papers, I should recommend you to stand near while they are being examined, or you may

With these words Ralph sat down unbidden, and compressing his lips, which were for the moment slightly

parted by a smile, folded his arms, and looked for the first time at his nephew.

Nicholas, stung by the concluding taunt, darted an indignant glance at him; but commanding himself as well

as he could, entered upon a close examination of the documents, at which John Browdie assisted. There was

nothing about them which could be called in question. The certificates were regularly signed as extracts from

the parish books, the first letter had a genuine appearance of having been written and preserved for some

years, the handwriting of the second tallied with it exactly, (making proper allowance for its having been

written by a person in extremity,) and there were several other corroboratory scraps of entries and

'Dear Nicholas,' whispered Kate, who had been looking anxiously over his shoulder, 'can this be really the

'You will observe, ma'am,' said Ralph, addressing himself to Mrs Nickleby, 'that this boy being a minor and

not of strong mind, we might have come here tonight, armed with the powers of the law, and backed by a

troop of its myrmidons. I should have done so, ma'am, unquestionably, but for my regard for the feelings of

'You have shown your regard for HER feelings well,' said Nicholas, drawing his sister towards him.

'Well,' said Squeers, 'what's to be done? Them hackneycoach horses will catch cold if we don't think of

moving; there's one of 'em a sneezing now, so that he blows the street door right open. What's the order of the

'This is a cruel thing,' said Snawley, looking to his friends for support. 'Do parents bring children into the

'Do parents bring children into the world for THOT?' said John Browdie bluntly, pointing, as he spoke, to

'Never I mind!' said John, 'no, nor never nobody mind, say'st thou, schoolmeasther. It's nobody's minding that

keeps sike men as thou afloat. Noo then, where be'est thou coomin' to? Dang it, dinnot coom treadin' ower

Suiting the action to the word, John Browdie just jerked his elbow into the chest of Mr Squeers who was

advancing upon Smike; with so much dexterity that the schoolmaster reeled and staggered back upon Ralph

Nickleby, and being unable to recover his balance, knocked that gentleman off his chair, and stumbled

This accidental circumstance was the signal for some very decisive proceedings. In the midst of a great noise,

occasioned by the prayers and entreaties of Smike, the cries and exclamations of the women, and the

vehemence of the men, demonstrations were made of carrying off the lost son by violence. Squeers had

actually begun to haul him out, when Nicholas (who, until then, had been evidently undecided how to act)

took him by the collar, and shaking him so that such teeth as he had, chattered in his head, politely escorted

'Now,' said Nicholas to the other two, 'have the goodness to follow your friend.'

'Your son,' replied Nicholas, 'chooses for himself. He chooses to remain here, and he shall.'

'I would not give him up against his will, to be the victim of such brutality as that to which you would

'Knock that Nickleby down with a candlestick,' cried Mr Squeers, through the keyhole, 'and bring out my hat,

'I am very sorry, indeed,' said Mrs Nickleby, who, with Mrs Browdie, had stood crying and biting her fingers

in a corner, while Kate (very pale, but perfectly quiet) had kept as near her brother as she could. 'I am very

sorry, indeed, for all this. I really don't know what would be best to do, and that's the truth. Nicholas ought to

be the best judge, and I hope he is. Of course, it's a hard thing to have to keep other people's children, though

young Mr Snawley is certainly as useful and willing as it's possible for anybody to be; but, if it could be

settled in any friendly mannerif old Mr Snawley, for instance, would settle to pay something certain for his

board and lodging, and some fair arrangement was come to, so that we undertook to have fish twice a week,

and a pudding twice, or a dumpling, or something of that sortI do think that it might be very satisfactory

This compromise, which was proposed with abundance of tears and sighs, not exactly meeting the point at

issue, nobody took any notice of it; and poor Mrs Nickleby accordingly proceeded to enlighten Mrs Browdie

upon the advantages of such a scheme, and the unhappy results flowing, on all occasions, from her not being

'You, sir,' said Snawley, addressing the terrified Smike, 'are an unnatural, ungrateful, unlovable boy. You

'He never loved nobody,' bawled Squeers, through the keyhole. 'He never loved me; he never loved

Wackford, who is next door but one to a cherubim. How can you expect that he'll love his father? He'll never

love his father, he won't. He don't know what it is to have a father. He don't understand it. It an't in him.'

Mr Snawley looked steadfastly at his son for a full minute, and then covering his eyes with his hand, and

once more raising his hat in the air, appeared deeply occupied in deploring his black ingratitude. Then

drawing his arm across his eyes, he picked up Mr Squeers's hat, and taking it under one arm, and his own

'Your romance, sir,' said Ralph, lingering for a moment, 'is destroyed, I take it. No unknown; no persecuted

descendant of a man of high degree; but the weak, imbecile son of a poor, petty tradesman. We shall see how

'And trust me, sir,' added Ralph, 'that I never supposed you would give him up tonight. Pride, obstinacy,

reputation for fine feeling, were all against it. These must be brought down, sir, lowered, crushed, as they

shall be soon. The protracted and wearing anxiety and expense of the law in its most oppressive form, its

torture from hour to hour, its weary days and sleepless nights, with these I'll prove you, and break your

haughty spirit, strong as you deem it now. And when you make this house a hell, and visit these trials upon

yonder wretched object (as you will; I know you), and those who think you now a youngfledged hero, we'll

go into old accounts between us two, and see who stands the debtor, and comes out best at last, even before

Ralph Nickleby withdrew. But Mr Squeers, who had heard a portion of this closing address, and was by this

time wound up to a pitch of impotent malignity almost unprecedented, could not refrain from returning to the

parlour door, and actually cutting some dozen capers with various wry faces and hideous grimaces,

Having concluded this wardance, in which his short trousers and large boots had borne a very conspicuous

figure, Mr Squeers followed his friends, and the family were left to meditate upon recent occurrences.

After an anxious consideration of the painful and embarrassing position in which he was placed, Nicholas

decided that he ought to lose no time in frankly stating it to the kind brothers. Availing himself of the first

opportunity of being alone with Mr Charles Cheeryble at the close of next day, he accordingly related

Smike's little history, and modestly but firmly expressed his hope that the good old gentleman would, under

such circumstances as he described, hold him justified in adopting the extreme course of interfering between

parent and child, and upholding the latter in his disobedience; even though his horror and dread of his father

might seem, and would doubtless be represented as, a thing so repulsive and unnatural, as to render those who

'So deeply rooted does this horror of the man appear to be,' said Nicholas, 'that I can hardly believe he really

is his son. Nature does not seem to have implanted in his breast one lingering feeling of affection for him, and

'My dear sir,' replied brother Charles, 'you fall into the very common mistake of charging upon Nature,

matters with which she has not the smallest connection, and for which she is in no way responsible. Men talk

of Nature as an abstract thing, and lose sight of what is natural while they do so. Here is a poor lad who has

CHAPTER 46. Throws some Light upon Nicholas's Love; but whether for Good or Evil the Reader must determine 401

never felt a parent's care, who has scarcely known anything all his life but suffering and sorrow, presented to

a man who he is told is his father, and whose first act is to signify his intention of putting an end to his short

term of happiness, of consigning him to his old fate, and taking him from the only friend he has ever had

which is yourself. If Nature, in such a case, put into that lad's breast but one secret prompting which urged

Nicholas was delighted to find that the old gentleman spoke so warmly, and in the hope that he might say

'The same mistake presents itself to me, in one shape or other, at every turn,' said brother Charles. 'Parents

who never showed their love, complain of want of natural affection in their children; children who never

showed their duty, complain of want of natural feeling in their parents; lawmakers who find both so

miserable that their affections have never had enough of life's sun to develop them, are loud in their

moralisings over parents and children too, and cry that the very ties of nature are disregarded. Natural

affections and instincts, my dear sir, are the most beautiful of the Almighty's works, but like other beautiful

works of His, they must be reared and fostered, or it is as natural that they should be wholly obscured, and

that new feelings should usurp their place, as it is that the sweetest productions of the earth, left untended,

should be choked with weeds and briers. I wish we could be brought to consider this, and remembering

natural obligations a little more at the right time, talk about them a little less at the wrong one.'

After this, brother Charles, who had talked himself into a great heat, stopped to cool a little, and then

'I dare say you are surprised, my dear sir, that I have listened to your recital with so little astonishment. That

'Yes,' said the old gentleman, tapping his desk emphatically, 'here, in this room. He would listen neither to

reason, feeling, nor justice. But brother Ned was hard upon him; brother Ned, sir, might have melted a

'To complain of you,' returned brother Charles, 'to poison our ears with calumnies and falsehoods; but he

came on a fruitless errand, and went away with some wholesome truths in his ear besides. Brother Ned, my

dear My Nicklebybrother Ned, sir, is a perfect lion. So is Tim Linkinwater; Tim is quite a lion. We had

Tim in to face him at first, and Tim was at him, sir, before you could say "Jack Robinson."'

'How can I ever thank you for all the deep obligations you impose upon me every day?' said Nicholas.

'By keeping silence upon the subject, my dear sir,' returned brother Charles. 'You shall be righted. At least

you shall not be wronged. Nobody belonging to you shall be wronged. They shall not hurt a hair of your

head, or the boy's head, or your mother's head, or your sister's head. I have said it, brother Ned has said it,

Tim Linkinwater has said it. We have all said it, and we'll all do it. I have seen the fatherif he is the

fatherand I suppose he must be. He is a barbarian and a hypocrite, Mr Nickleby. I told him, "You are a

barbarian, sir." I did. I said, "You're a barbarian, sir." And I'm glad of it, I am VERY glad I told him he was a

By this time brother Charles was in such a very warm state of indignation, that Nicholas thought he might

venture to put in a word, but the moment he essayed to do so, Mr Cheeryble laid his hand softly upon his

CHAPTER 46. Throws some Light upon Nicholas's Love; but whether for Good or Evil the Reader must determine 402

'The subject is at an end for the present,' said the old gentleman, wiping his face. 'Don't revive it by a single

word. I am going to speak upon another subject, a confidential subject, Mr Nickleby. We must be cool again,

After two or three turns across the room he resumed his seat, and drawing his chair nearer to that on which

'I am about to employ you, my dear sir, on a confidential and delicate mission.'

'You might employ many a more able messenger, sir,' said Nicholas, 'but a more trustworthy or zealous one, I

'Of that I am well assured,' returned brother Charles, 'well assured. You will give me credit for thinking so,

'A young lady, sir!' cried Nicholas, quite trembling for the moment with his eagerness to hear more.

'I am thinking how to do so,' said brother Charles; sadly, as it seemed to his young friend, and with an

expression allied to pain. 'You accidentally saw a young lady in this room one morning, my dear sir, in a

'SHE is the lady I speak of,' said brother Charles. Like the famous parrot, Nicholas thought a great deal, but

'She is the daughter,' said Mr Cheeryble, 'of a lady who, when she was a beautiful girl herself, and I was very

many years younger, I it seems a strange word for me to utter nowI loved very dearly. You will smile,

perhaps, to hear a greyheaded man talk about such things. You will not offend me, for when I was as young

'My dear brother Ned,' continued Mr Cheeryble, 'was to have married her sister, but she died. She is dead too

now, and has been for many years. She married her choice; and I wish I could add that her afterlife was as

'If trial and calamity had fallen as lightly on his head, as in the deepest truth of my own heart I ever hoped

(for her sake) it would, his life would have been one of peace and happiness,' said the old gentleman calmly.

'It will be enough to say that this was not the case; that she was not happy; that they fell into complicated

distresses and difficulties; that she came, twelve months before her death, to appeal to my old friendship;

sadly changed, sadly altered, brokenspirited from suffering and illusage, and almost broken hearted. He

readily availed himself of the money which, to give her but one hour's peace of mind, I would have poured

CHAPTER 46. Throws some Light upon Nicholas's Love; but whether for Good or Evil the Reader must determine 403

out as freely as waternay, he often sent her back for moreand yet even while he squandered it, he made

the very success of these, her applications to me, the groundwork of cruel taunts and jeers, protesting that he

knew she thought with bitter remorse of the choice she had made, that she had married him from motives of

interest and vanity (he was a gay young man with great friends about him when she chose him for her

husband), and venting in short upon her, by every unjust and unkind means, the bitterness of that ruin and

disappointment which had been brought about by his profligacy alone. In those times this young lady was a

mere child. I never saw her again until that morning when you saw her also, but my nephew, Frank'

Nicholas started, and indistinctly apologising for the interruption, begged his patron to proceed.

'My nephew, Frank, I say,' resumed Mr Cheeryble, 'encountered her by accident, and lost sight of her

almost in a minute afterwards, within two days after he returned to England. Her father lay in some secret

place to avoid his creditors, reduced, between sickness and poverty, to the verge of death, and she, a

child,we might almost think, if we did not know the wisdom of all Heaven's decrees who should have

blessed a better man, was steadily braving privation, degradation, and everything most terrible to such a

young and delicate creature's heart, for the purpose of supporting him. She was attended, sir,' said brother

Charles, 'in these reverses, by one faithful creature, who had been, in old times, a poor kitchen wench in the

family, who was then their solitary servant, but who might have been, for the truth and fidelity of her

Pursuing this encomium upon the poor follower with such energy and relish as no words can describe,

brother Charles leant back in his chair, and delivered the remainder of his relation with greater composure.

It was in substance this: That proudly resisting all offers of permanent aid and support from her late mother's

friends, because they were made conditional upon her quitting the wretched man, her father, who had no

friends left, and shrinking with instinctive delicacy from appealing in their behalf to that true and noble heart

which he hated, and had, through its greatest and purest goodness, deeply wronged by misconstruction and ill

report, this young girl had struggled alone and unassisted to maintain him by the labour of her hands. That

through the utmost depths of poverty and affliction she had toiled, never turning aside for an instant from her

task, never wearied by the petulant gloom of a sick man sustained by no consoling recollections of the past or

hopes of the future; never repining for the comforts she had rejected, or bewailing the hard lot she had

voluntarily incurred. That every little accomplishment she had acquired in happier days had been put into

requisition for this purpose, and directed to this one end. That for two long years, toiling by day and often too

by night, working at the needle, the pencil, and the pen, and submitting, as a daily governess, to such caprices

and indignities as women (with daughters too) too often love to inflict upon their own sex when they serve in

such capacities, as though in jealousy of the superior intelligence which they are necessitated to

employ,indignities, in ninetynine cases out of every hundred, heaped upon persons immeasurably and

incalculably their betters, but outweighing in comparison any that the most heartless blackleg would put upon

his groomthat for two long years, by dint of labouring in all these capacities and wearying in none, she had

not succeeded in the sole aim and object of her life, but that, overwhelmed by accumulated difficulties and

disappointments, she had been compelled to seek out her mother's old friend, and, with a bursting heart, to

'If I had been poor,' said brother Charles, with sparkling eyes; 'if I had been poor, Mr Nickleby, my dear sir,

which thank God I am not, I would have denied myself (of course anybody would under such circumstances)

the commonest necessaries of life, to help her. As it is, the task is a difficult one. If her father were dead,

nothing could be easier, for then she should share and cheer the happiest home that brother Ned and I could

have, as if she were our child or sister. But he is still alive. Nobody can help him; that has been tried a

CHAPTER 46. Throws some Light upon Nicholas's Love; but whether for Good or Evil the Reader must determine 404

'To leave him?' said brother Charles. 'Who could entreat a child to desert her parent? Such entreaties, limited

to her seeing him occasionally, have been urged upon hernot by mebut always with the same result.'

'True kindness, considerate selfdenying kindness, is not in his nature,' returned Mr Cheeryble. 'Such

kindness as he knows, he regards her with, I believe. The mother was a gentle, loving, confiding creature, and

although he wounded her from their marriage till her death as cruelly and wantonly as ever man did, she

never ceased to love him. She commended him on her deathbed to her child's care. Her child has never

'I, my dear sir! The last man in the world. Such are his jealousy and hatred of me, that if he knew his daughter

had opened her heart to me, he would render her life miserable with his reproaches; althoughthis is the

inconsistency and selfishness of his characteralthough if he knew that every penny she had came from me,

he would not relinquish one personal desire that the most reckless expenditure of her scanty stock could

'We will use no harsh terms,' said brother Charles, in a gentle voice; 'but accommodate ourselves to the

circumstances in which this young lady is placed. Such assistance as I have prevailed upon her to accept, I

have been obliged, at her own earnest request, to dole out in the smallest portions, lest he, finding how easily

money was procured, should squander it even more lightly than he is accustomed to do. She has come to and

fro, to and fro, secretly and by night, to take even this; and I cannot bear that things should go on in this way,

Then it came out by little and little, how that the twins had been revolving in their good old heads manifold

plans and schemes for helping this young lady in the most delicate and considerate way, and so that her father

should not suspect the source whence the aid was derived; and how they had at last come to the conclusion,

that the best course would be to make a feint of purchasing her little drawings and ornamental work at a high

price, and keeping up a constant demand for the same. For the furtherance of which end and object it was

necessary that somebody should represent the dealer in such commodities, and after great deliberation they

'He knows me,' said brother Charles, 'and he knows my brother Ned. Neither of us would do. Frank is a very

good fellowa very fine fellowbut we are afraid that he might be a little flighty and thoughtless in such a

delicate matter, and that he might, perhaps that he might, in short, be too susceptible (for she is a beautiful

creature, sir; just what her poor mother was), and falling in love with her before he knew well his own mind,

carry pain and sorrow into that innocent breast, which we would be the humble instruments of gradually

making happy. He took an extraordinary interest in her fortunes when he first happened to encounter her; and

we gather from the inquiries we have made of him, that it was she in whose behalf he made that turmoil

Nicholas stammered out that he had before suspected the possibility of such a thing; and in explanation of its

having occurred to him, described when and where he had seen the young lady himself.

'Well; then you see,' continued brother Charles, 'that HE wouldn't do. Tim Linkinwater is out of the question;

for Tim, sir, is such a tremendous fellow, that he could never contain himself, but would go to loggerheads

with the father before he had been in the place five minutes. You don't know what Tim is, sir, when he is

CHAPTER 46. Throws some Light upon Nicholas's Love; but whether for Good or Evil the Reader must determine 405

aroused by anything that appeals to his feelings very strongly; then he is terrific, sir, is Tim Linkinwater,

absolutely terrific. Now, in you we can repose the strictest confidence; in you we have seenor at least I

have seen, and that's the same thing, for there's no difference between me and my brother Ned, except that he

is the finest creature that ever lived, and that there is not, and never will be, anybody like him in all the

worldin you we have seen domestic virtues and affections, and delicacy of feeling, which exactly qualify

'The young lady, sir,' said Nicholas, who felt so embarrassed that he had no small difficulty in saying

'Yes, yes,' returned Mr Cheeryble; 'at least she knows you come from us; she does NOT know, however, but

that we shall dispose of these little productions that you'll purchase from time to time; and, perhaps, if you

did it very well (that is, VERY well indeed), perhaps she might be brought to believe that wethat we made

In this guileless and most kind simplicity, brother Charles was so happy, and in this possibility of the young

lady being led to think that she was under no obligation to him, he evidently felt so sanguine and had so much

All this time, however, there hovered upon the tip of his tongue a confession that the very same objections

which Mr Cheeryble had stated to the employment of his nephew in this commission applied with at least

equal force and validity to himself, and a hundred times had he been upon the point of avowing the real state

of his feelings, and entreating to be released from it. But as often, treading upon the heels of this impulse,

came another which urged him to refrain, and to keep his secret to his own breast. 'Why should I,' thought

Nicholas, 'why should I throw difficulties in the way of this benevolent and highminded design? What if I

do love and reverence this good and lovely creature. Should I not appear a most arrogant and shallow

coxcomb if I gravely represented that there was any danger of her falling in love with me? Besides, have I no

confidence in myself? Am I not now bound in honour to repress these thoughts? Has not this excellent man a

right to my best and heartiest services, and should any considerations of self deter me from rendering them?'

Asking himself such questions as these, Nicholas mentally answered with great emphasis 'No!' and

persuading himself that he was a most conscientious and glorious martyr, nobly resolved to do what, if he had

examined his own heart a little more carefully, he would have found he could not resist. Such is the sleight of

hand by which we juggle with ourselves, and change our very weaknesses into stanch and most magnanimous

Mr Cheeryble, being of course wholly unsuspicious that such reflections were presenting themselves to his

young friend, proceeded to give him the needful credentials and directions for his first visit, which was to be

made next morning; and all preliminaries being arranged, and the strictest secrecy enjoined, Nicholas walked

The place to which Mr Cheeryble had directed him was a row of mean and not overcleanly houses, situated

within 'the Rules' of the King's Bench Prison, and not many hundred paces distant from the obelisk in St

George's Fields. The Rules are a certain liberty adjoining the prison, and comprising some dozen streets in

which debtors who can raise money to pay large fees, from which their creditors do NOT derive any benefit,

are permitted to reside by the wise provisions of the same enlightened laws which leave the debtor who can

raise no money to starve in jail, without the food, clothing, lodging, or warmth, which are provided for felons

convicted of the most atrocious crimes that can disgrace humanity. There are many pleasant fictions of the

law in constant operation, but there is not one so pleasant or practically humorous as that which supposes

every man to be of equal value in its impartial eye, and the benefits of all laws to be equally attainable by all

CHAPTER 46. Throws some Light upon Nicholas's Love; but whether for Good or Evil the Reader must determine 406

To the row of houses indicated to him by Mr Charles Cheeryble, Nicholas directed his steps, without much

troubling his head with such matters as these; and at this row of housesafter traversing a very dirty and

dusty suburb, of which minor theatricals, shellfish, gingerbeer, spring vans, greengrocery, and brokers'

shops, appeared to compose the main and most prominent featureshe at length arrived with a palpitating

heart. There were small gardens in front which, being wholly neglected in all other respects, served as little

pens for the dust to collect in, until the wind came round the corner and blew it down the road. Opening the

rickety gate which, dangling on its broken hinges before one of these, half admitted and half repulsed the

It was in truth a shabby house outside, with very dim parlour windows and very small show of blinds, and

very dirty muslin curtains dangling across the lower panes on very loose and limp strings. Neither, when the

door was opened, did the inside appear to belie the outward promise, as there was faded carpeting on the

stairs and faded oilcloth in the passage; in addition to which discomforts a gentleman Ruler was smoking

hard in the front parlour (though it was not yet noon), while the lady of the house was busily engaged in

turpentining the disjointed fragments of a tentbedstead at the door of the back parlour, as if in preparation

for the reception of some new lodger who had been fortunate enough to engage it.

Nicholas had ample time to make these observations while the little boy, who went on errands for the lodgers,

clattered down the kitchen stairs and was heard to scream, as in some remote cellar, for Miss Bray's servant,

who, presently appearing and requesting him to follow her, caused him to evince greater symptoms of

nervousness and disorder than so natural a consequence of his having inquired for that young lady would

Upstairs he went, however, and into a front room he was shown, and there, seated at a little table by the

window, on which were drawing materials with which she was occupied, sat the beautiful girl who had so

engrossed his thoughts, and who, surrounded by all the new and strong interest which Nicholas attached to

her story, seemed now, in his eyes, a thousand times more beautiful than he had ever yet supposed her.

But how the graces and elegancies which she had dispersed about the poorlyfurnished room went to the

heart of Nicholas! Flowers, plants, birds, the harp, the old piano whose notes had sounded so much sweeter in

bygone times; how many struggles had it cost her to keep these two last links of that broken chain which

bound her yet to home! With every slender ornament, the occupation of her leisure hours, replete with that

graceful charm which lingers in every little tasteful work of woman's hands, how much patient endurance and

how many gentle affections were entwined! He felt as though the smile of Heaven were on the little chamber;

as though the beautiful devotion of so young and weak a creature had shed a ray of its own on the inanimate

things around, and made them beautiful as itself; as though the halo with which old painters surround the

bright angels of a sinless world played about a being akin in spirit to them, and its light were visibly before

And yet Nicholas was in the Rules of the King's Bench Prison! If he had been in Italy indeed, and the time

had been sunset, and the scene a stately terrace! But, there is one broad sky over all the world, and whether it

be blue or cloudy, the same heaven beyond it; so, perhaps, he had no need of compunction for thinking as he

It is not to be supposed that he took in everything at one glance, for he had as yet been unconscious of the

presence of a sick man propped up with pillows in an easychair, who, moving restlessly and impatiently in

He was scarce fifty, perhaps, but so emaciated as to appear much older. His features presented the remains of

a handsome countenance, but one in which the embers of strong and impetuous passions were easier to be

traced than any expression which would have rendered a far plainer face much more prepossessing. His looks

CHAPTER 46. Throws some Light upon Nicholas's Love; but whether for Good or Evil the Reader must determine 407

were very haggard, and his limbs and body literally worn to the bone, but there was something of the old fire

in the large sunken eye notwithstanding, and it seemed to kindle afresh as he struck a thick stick, with which

he seemed to have supported himself in his seat, impatiently on the floor twice or thrice, and called his

'Madeline, who is this? What does anybody want here? Who told a stranger we could be seen? What is it?'

'I believe' the young lady began, as she inclined her head with an air of some confusion, in reply to the

By this time Nicholas had recovered sufficient presence of mind to speak for himself, so he said (as it had

been agreed he should say) that he had called about a pair of handscreens, and some painted velvet for an

ottoman, both of which were required to be of the most elegant design possible, neither time nor expense

being of the smallest consideration. He had also to pay for the two drawings, with many thanks, and,

advancing to the little table, he laid upon it a bank note, folded in an envelope and sealed.

'See that the money is right, Madeline,' said the father. 'Open the paper, my dear.'

'Here!' said Mr Bray, putting out his hand, and opening and shutting his bony fingers with irritable

impatience. 'Let me see. What are you talking about, Madeline? You're sure? How can you be sure of any

'Quite,' said Madeline, bending over him. She was so busily employed in arranging the pillows that Nicholas

'Ring the bell, ring the bell,' said the sick man, with the same nervous eagerness, and motioning towards it

with such a quivering hand that the bank note rustled in the air. 'Tell her to get it changed, to get me a

newspaper, to buy me some grapes, another bottle of the wine that I had last weekandandI forget half

I want just now, but she can go out again. Let her get those first, those first. Now, Madeline, my love, quick,

'He remembers nothing that SHE wants!' thought Nicholas. Perhaps something of what he thought was

expressed in his countenance, for the sick man, turning towards him with great asperity, demanded to know if

'No matter! what do you mean, sir?' was the tart rejoinder. 'No matter! Do you think you bring your paltry

money here as a favour or a gift; or as a matter of business, and in return for value received? Dn you, sir,

because you can't appreciate the time and taste which are bestowed upon the goods you deal in, do you think

you give your money away? Do you know that you are talking to a gentleman, sir, who at one time could

'I merely mean that as I shall have many dealings with this lady, if she will kindly allow me, I will not trouble

'Then I mean, if you please, that we'll have as many forms as we can, returned the father. 'My daughter, sir,

CHAPTER 46. Throws some Light upon Nicholas's Love; but whether for Good or Evil the Reader must determine 408

requires no kindness from you or anybody else. Have the goodness to confine your dealings strictly to trade

and business, and not to travel beyond it. Every petty tradesman is to begin to pity her now, is he? Upon my

soul! Very pretty. Madeline, my dear, give him a receipt; and mind you always do so.'

While she was feigning to write it, and Nicholas was ruminating upon the extraordinary but by no means

uncommon character thus presented to his observation, the invalid, who appeared at times to suffer great

bodily pain, sank back in his chair and moaned out a feeble complaint that the girl had been gone an hour,

'When,' said Nicholas, as he took the piece of paper, 'when shall I call again?'

'When you're requested to call, sir, and not before. Don't worry and persecute. Madeline, my dear, when is

'Oh, not for a long time, not for three or four weeks; it is not necessary, indeed; I can do without,' said the

'Why, how are we to do without?' urged her father, not speaking above his breath. 'Three or four weeks,

'Three or four weeks!' muttered the father. 'Madeline, what on earthdo nothing for three or four weeks!'

'YOU think so, do you?' retorted the father, angrily. 'If I chose to beg, sir, and stoop to ask assistance from

people I despise, three or four months would not be a long time; three or four years would not be a long time.

Understand, sir, that is if I chose to be dependent; but as I don't, you may call in a week.'

Nicholas bowed low to the young lady and retired, pondering upon Mr Bray's ideas of independence, and

devoutly hoping that there might be few such independent spirits as he mingling with the baser clay of

He heard a light footstep above him as he descended the stairs, and looking round saw that the young lady

was standing there, and glancing timidly towards him, seemed to hesitate whether she should call him back or

no. The best way of settling the question was to turn back at once, which Nicholas did.

'I don't know whether I do right in asking you, sir,' said Madeline, hurriedly, 'but pray, pray, do not mention

to my poor mother's dear friends what has passed here today. He has suffered much, and is worse this

'You have but to hint a wish,' returned Nicholas fervently, 'and I would hazard my life to gratify it.'

'Truly and sincerely,' rejoined Nicholas, his lips trembling as he formed the words, 'if ever man spoke truly

yet. I am not skilled in disguising my feelings, and if I were, I could not hide my heart from you. Dear

madam, as I know your history, and feel as men and angels must who hear and see such things, I do entreat

CHAPTER 46. Throws some Light upon Nicholas's Love; but whether for Good or Evil the Reader must determine 409

'Forgive me,' said Nicholas, with respectful earnestness, 'if I seem to say too much, or to presume upon the

confidence which has been intrusted to me. But I could not leave you as if my interest and sympathy expired

with the commission of the day. I am your faithful servant, humbly devoted to you from this hour, devoted in

strict truth and honour to him who sent me here, and in pure integrity of heart, and distant respect for you. If I

meant more or less than this, I should be unworthy his regard, and false to the very nature that prompts the

She waved her hand, entreating him to be gone, but answered not a word. Nicholas could say no more, and

'There go the threequarters past!' muttered Newman Noggs, listening to the chimes of some neighbouring

church 'and my dinner time's two. He does it on purpose. He makes a point of it. It's just like him.'

It was in his own little den of an office and on the top of his official stool that Newman thus soliloquised; and

the soliloquy referred, as Newman's grumbling soliloquies usually did, to Ralph Nickleby.

'I don't believe he ever had an appetite,' said Newman, 'except for pounds, shillings, and pence, and with them

he's as greedy as a wolf. I should like to have him compelled to swallow one of every English coin. The

His goodhumour being in some degree restored by the vision of Ralph Nickleby swallowing, perforce, a

fiveshilling piece, Newman slowly brought forth from his desk one of those portable bottles, currently

known as pocketpistols, and shaking the same close to his ear so as to produce a rippling sound very cool

and pleasant to listen to, suffered his features to relax, and took a gurgling drink, which relaxed them still

more. Replacing the cork, he smacked his lips twice or thrice with an air of great relish, and, the taste of the

'Five minutes to three,' growled Newman; 'it can't want more by this time; and I had my breakfast at eight

o'clock, and SUCH a breakfast! and my right dinnertime two! And I might have a nice little bit of hot roast

meat spoiling at home all this timehow does HE know I haven't? "Don't go till I come back," "Don't go till

I come back," day after day. What do you always go out at my dinnertime for theneh? Don't you know

These words, though uttered in a very loud key, were addressed to nothing but empty air. The recital of his

wrongs, however, seemed to have the effect of making Newman Noggs desperate; for he flattened his old hat

upon his head, and drawing on the everlasting gloves, declared with great vehemence, that come what might,

Carrying this resolution into instant effect, he had advanced as far as the passage, when the sound of the

latchkey in the street door caused him to make a precipitate retreat into his own office again.

'Here he is,' growled Newman, 'and somebody with him. Now it'll be "Stop till this gentleman's gone." But I

CHAPTER 47. Mr Ralph Nickleby has some confidential Intercourse with another old Friend. They concert between them a Project, which promises well for both 410

So saying, Newman slipped into a tall empty closet which opened with two half doors, and shut himself up;

'The dog has gone to his dinner, though I told him not,' muttered Ralph, looking into the office, and pulling

out his watch. 'Humph!' You had better come in here, Gride. My man's out, and the sun is hot upon my room.

'Not at all, Mr Nickleby, oh not at all! All places are alike to me, sir. Ah! very nice indeed. Oh! very nice!'

The parson who made this reply was a little old man, of about seventy or seventyfive years of age, of a very

lean figure, much bent and slightly twisted. He wore a grey coat with a very narrow collar, an oldfashioned

waistcoat of ribbed black silk, and such scanty trousers as displayed his shrunken spindleshanks in their full

ugliness. The only articles of display or ornament in his dress were a steel watchchain to which were

attached some large gold seals; and a black ribbon into which, in compliance with an old fashion scarcely

ever observed in these days, his grey hair was gathered behind. His nose and chin were sharp and prominent,

his jaws had fallen inwards from loss of teeth, his face was shrivelled and yellow, save where the cheeks were

streaked with the colour of a dry winter apple; and where his beard had been, there lingered yet a few grey

tufts which seemed, like the ragged eyebrows, to denote the badness of the soil from which they sprung. The

whole air and attitude of the form was one of stealthy catlike obsequiousness; the whole expression of the

face was concentrated in a wrinkled leer, compounded of cunning, lecherousness, slyness, and avarice.

Such was old Arthur Gride, in whose face there was not a wrinkle, in whose dress there was not one spare

fold or plait, but expressed the most covetous and griping penury, and sufficiently indicated his belonging to

that class of which Ralph Nickleby was a member. Such was old Arthur Gride, as he sat in a low chair

looking up into the face of Ralph Nickleby, who, lounging upon the tall office stool, with his arms upon his

'And how have you been?' said Gride, feigning great interest in Ralph's state of health. 'I haven't seen you

'Not for a long time,' said Ralph, with a peculiar smile, importing that he very well knew it was not on a mere

visit of compliment that his friend had come. 'It was a narrow chance that you saw me now, for I had only

The older moneylender wagged his chin and smiled, but he originated no new remark, and they sat for some

little time without speaking. Each was looking out to take the other at a disadvantage.

'Aha! you're a bold man, Mr Nickleby,' cried the other, apparently very much relieved by Ralph's leading the

CHAPTER 47. Mr Ralph Nickleby has some confidential Intercourse with another old Friend. They concert between them a Project, which promises well for both 411

'Why, you have a sleek and slinking way with you that makes me seem so by contrast,' returned Ralph. 'I

'Deep enough,' retorted Ralph, 'to know that I shall need all the depth I have, when men like you begin to

compliment. You know I have stood by when you fawned and flattered other people, and I remember pretty

'Ha, ha, ha!' rejoined Arthur, rubbing his hands. 'So you do, so you do, no doubt. Not a man knows it better.

'Now then,' said Ralph, composedly; 'what's in the wind, I ask again? What is it?'

'See that now!' cried the other. 'He can't even keep from business while we're chatting over bygones. Oh dear,

'WHICH of the bygones do you want to revive?' said Ralph. 'One of them, I know, or you wouldn't talk about

'He suspects even me!' cried old Arthur, holding up his hands. 'Even me! Oh dear, even me. What a man it is!

Ha, ha, ha! What a man it is! Mr Nickleby against all the world. There's nobody like him. A giant among

Ralph looked at the old dog with a quiet smile as he chuckled on in this strain, and Newman Noggs in the

closet felt his heart sink within him as the prospect of dinner grew fainter and fainter.

'I must humour him though,' cried old Arthur; 'he must have his way a wilful man, as the Scotch

saywell, well, they're a wise people, the Scotch. He will talk about business, and won't give away his time

'He was one of us who made that saying, I should think,' said Ralph. 'Time is money, and very good money

too, to those who reckon interest by it. Time IS money! Yes, and time costs money; it's rather an expensive

In rejoinder to this sally, old Arthur again raised his hands, again chuckled, and again ejaculated 'What a man

it is!' which done, he dragged the low chair a little nearer to Ralph's high stool, and looking upwards into his

'What would you say to me, if I was to tell you that I wasthat I wasgoing to be married?'

'I should tell you,' replied Ralph, looking coldly down upon him, 'that for some purpose of your own you told

a lie, and that it wasn't the first time and wouldn't be the last; that I wasn't surprised and wasn't to be taken in.'

'And I tell you seriously,' rejoined Ralph, 'what I told you this minute. Stay. Let me look at you. There's a

'I wouldn't deceive YOU, you know,' whined Arthur Gride; 'I couldn't do it, I should be mad to try. I, I, to

deceive Mr Nickleby! The pigmy to impose upon the giant. I ask againhe, he, he!what should you say to

CHAPTER 47. Mr Ralph Nickleby has some confidential Intercourse with another old Friend. They concert between them a Project, which promises well for both 412

'No, No,' cried Arthur, interrupting him, and rubbing his hands in an ecstasy. 'Wrong, wrong again. Mr

Nickleby for once at fault; out, quite out! To a young and beautiful girl; fresh, lovely, bewitching, and not

nineteen. Dark eyes, long eyelashes, ripe and ruddy lips that to look at is to long to kiss, beautiful clustering

hair that one's fingers itch to play with, such a waist as might make a man clasp the air involuntarily, thinking

of twining his arm about it, little feet that tread so lightly they hardly seem to walk upon the groundto

'This is something more than common drivelling,' said Ralph, after listening with a curled lip to the old

'Oh deep, deep! See now how deep that is!' exclaimed old Arthur. 'He knows I want his help, he knows he

can give it me, he knows it must all turn to his advantage, he sees the thing already. Her nameis there

'I didn't know but that perhaps somebody might be passing up or down the stairs,' said Arthur Gride, after

looking out at the door and carefully reclosing it; 'or but that your man might have come back and might have

been listening outside. Clerks and servants have a trick of listening, and I should have been very

'Curse Mr Noggs, by all means,' rejoined old Arthur; 'I am sure I have not the least objection to that. Her

'Well,' said Ralph, rendered very irritable by old Arthur's pausing again 'what is it?'

Whatever reasons there might have beenand Arthur Gride appeared to have anticipated somefor the

mention of this name producing an effect upon Ralph, or whatever effect it really did produce upon him, he

permitted none to manifest itself, but calmly repeated the name several times, as if reflecting when and where

'If you seek to recall any particular dashing man to my recollection by such a trait as that,' said Ralph,

shrugging his shoulders, 'I shall confound him with ninetenths of the dashing men I have ever known.'

'Tut, tut. That Bray who is now in the Rules of the Bench,' said old Arthur. 'You can't have forgotten Bray.

CHAPTER 47. Mr Ralph Nickleby has some confidential Intercourse with another old Friend. They concert between them a Project, which promises well for both 413

'Oh HIM!' rejoined Ralph. 'Ay, ay. Now you speak. Oh! It's HIS daughter, is it?'

Naturally as this was said, it was not said so naturally but that a kindred spirit like old Arthur Gride might

have discerned a design upon the part of Ralph to lead him on to much more explicit statements and

explanations than he would have volunteered, or that Ralph could in all likelihood have obtained by any other

means. Old Arthur, however, was so intent upon his own designs, that he suffered himself to be overreached,

'You were right,' answered Ralph. 'But old Arthur Gride and matrimony is a most anomalous conjunction of

words; old Arthur Gride and dark eyes and eyelashes, and lips that to look at is to long to kiss, and clustering

hair that he wants to play with, and waists that he wants to span, and little feet that don't tread upon

anythingold Arthur Gride and such things as these is more monstrous still; but old Arthur Gride marrying

the daughter of a ruined "dashing man" in the Rules of the Bench, is the most monstrous and incredible of all.

Plainly, friend Arthur Gride, if you want any help from me in this business (which of course you do, or you

would not be here), speak out, and to the purpose. And, above all, don't talk to me of its turning to my

advantage, for I know it must turn to yours also, and to a good round tune too, or you would have no finger in

There was enough acerbity and sarcasm not only in the matter of Ralph's speech, but in the tone of voice in

which he uttered it, and the looks with which he eked it out, to have fired even the ancient usurer's cold blood

and flushed even his withered cheek. But he gave vent to no demonstration of anger, contenting himself with

exclaiming as before, 'What a man it is!' and rolling his head from side to side, as if in unrestrained

enjoyment of his freedom and drollery. Clearly observing, however, from the expression in Ralph's features,

that he had best come to the point as speedily as might be, he composed himself for more serious business,

First, he dwelt upon the fact that Madeline Bray was devoted to the support and maintenance, and was a slave

to every wish, of her only parent, who had no other friend on earth; to which Ralph rejoined that he had heard

something of the kind before, and that if she had known a little more of the world, she wouldn't have been

Secondly, he enlarged upon the character of her father, arguing, that even taking it for granted that he loved

her in return with the utmost affection of which he was capable, yet he loved himself a great deal better;

which Ralph said it was quite unnecessary to say anything more about, as that was very natural, and probable

And, thirdly, old Arthur premised that the girl was a delicate and beautiful creature, and that he had really a

hankering to have her for his wife. To this Ralph deigned no other rejoinder than a harsh smile, and a glance

at the shrivelled old creature before him, which were, however, sufficiently expressive.

'Now,' said Gride, 'for the little plan I have in my mind to bring this about; because, I haven't offered myself

even to the father yet, I should have told you. But that you have gathered already? Ah! oh dear, oh dear, what

'A reply always on the tip of his tongue!' cried old Arthur, raising his hands and eyes in admiration. 'He is

CHAPTER 47. Mr Ralph Nickleby has some confidential Intercourse with another old Friend. They concert between them a Project, which promises well for both 414

always prepared! Oh dear, what a blessing to have such a ready wit, and so much ready money to back it!'

Then, suddenly changing his tone, he went on: 'I have been backwards and forwards to Bray's lodgings

several times within the last six months. It is just half a year since I first saw this delicate morsel, and, oh

dear, what a delicate morsel it is! But that is neither here nor there. I am his detaining creditor for seventeen

'You talk as if you were the only detaining creditor,' said Ralph, pulling out his pocketbook. 'I am another

'The only other, Mr Nickleby,' said old Arthur, eagerly. 'The only other. Nobody else went to the expense of

lodging a detainer, trusting to our holding him fast enough, I warrant you. We both fell into the same snare;

oh dear, what a pitfall it was; it almost ruined me! And lent him our money upon bills, with only one name

besides his own, which to be sure everybody supposed to be a good one, and was as negotiable as money, but

which turned out you know how. Just as we should have come upon him, he died insolvent. Ah! it went very

'Go on with your scheme,' said Ralph. 'It's of no use raising the cry of our trade just now; there's nobody to

'It's always as well to talk that way,' returned old Arthur, with a chuckle, 'whether there's anybody to hear us

or not. Practice makes perfect, you know. Now, if I offer myself to Bray as his sonin law, upon one simple

condition that the moment I am fast married he shall be quietly released, and have an allowance to live just

t'other side the water like a gentleman (he can't live long, for I have asked his doctor, and he declares that his

complaint is one of the Heart and it is impossible), and if all the advantages of this condition are properly

stated and dwelt upon to him, do you think he could resist me? And if he could not resist ME, do you think

his daughter could resist HIM? Shouldn't I have her Mrs Arthur Gride pretty Mrs Arthur Gridea

titbita dainty chickshouldn't I have her Mrs Arthur Gride in a week, a month, a dayany time I chose

'Go on,' said Ralph, nodding his head deliberately, and speaking in a tone whose studied coldness presented a

strange contrast to the rapturous squeak to which his friend had gradually mounted. 'Go on. You didn't come

'Oh dear, how you talk!' cried old Arthur, edging himself closer still to Ralph. 'Of course I didn't, I don't

pretend I did! I came to ask what you would take from me, if I prospered with the father, for this debt of

yours. Five shillings in the pound, six and eightpence, ten shillings? I WOULD go as far as ten for such a

friend as you, we have always been on such good terms, but you won't be so hard upon me as that, I know.

'There's something more to be told,' said Ralph, as stony and immovable as ever.

'Yes, yes, there is, but you won't give me time,' returned Arthur Gride. 'I want a backer in this matter; one

who can talk, and urge, and press a point, which you can do as no man can. I can't do that, for I am a poor,

timid, nervous creature. Now, if you get a good composition for this debt, which you long ago gave up for

CHAPTER 47. Mr Ralph Nickleby has some confidential Intercourse with another old Friend. They concert between them a Project, which promises well for both 415

'Oh!' returned old Arthur feigning to be suddenly enlightened. 'You mean something more, as concerns

'I didn't like to trouble you with that, because I supposed your interest would cease with your own concern in

the affair,' said Arthur Gride. 'That's kind of you to ask. Oh dear, how very kind of you! Why, supposing I

had a knowledge of some propertysome little propertyvery littleto which this pretty chick was

entitled; which nobody does or can know of at this time, but which her husband could sweep into his pouch,

'For the whole proceeding,' rejoined Ralph, abruptly. 'Now, let me turn this matter over, and consider what I

'But don't be hard,' cried old Arthur, raising his hands with an imploring gesture, and speaking, in a tremulous

voice. 'Don't be too hard upon me. It's a very small property, it is indeed. Say the ten shillings, and we'll close

the bargain. It's more than I ought to give, but you're so kindshall we say the ten? Do now, do.'

Ralph took no notice of these supplications, but sat for three or four minutes in a brown study, looking

thoughtfully at the person from whom they proceeded. After sufficient cogitation he broke silence, and it

certainly could not be objected that he used any needless circumlocution, or failed to speak directly to the

'If you married this girl without me,' said Ralph, 'you must pay my debt in full, because you couldn't set her

father free otherwise. It's plain, then, that I must have the whole amount, clear of all deduction or

incumbrance, or I should lose from being honoured with your confidence, instead of gaining by it. That's the

first article of the treaty. For the second, I shall stipulate that for my trouble in negotiation and persuasion,

and helping you to this fortune, I have five hundred pounds. That's very little, because you have the ripe lips,

and the clustering hair, and what not, all to yourself. For the third and last article, I require that you execute a

bond to me, this day, binding yourself in the payment of these two sums, before noon of the day of your

marriage with Madeline Bray. You have told me I can urge and press a point. I press this one, and will take

nothing less than these terms. Accept them if you like. If not, marry her without me if you can. I shall still get

To all entreaties, protestations, and offers of compromise between his own proposals and those which Arthur

Gride had first suggested, Ralph was deaf as an adder. He would enter into no further discussion of the

subject, and while old Arthur dilated upon the enormity of his demands and proposed modifications of them,

approaching by degrees nearer and nearer to the terms he resisted, sat perfectly mute, looking with an air of

quiet abstraction over the entries and papers in his pocketbook. Finding that it was impossible to make any

impression upon his staunch friend, Arthur Gride, who had prepared himself for some such result before he

came, consented with a heavy heart to the proposed treaty, and upon the spot filled up the bond required

(Ralph kept such instruments handy), after exacting the condition that Mr Nickleby should accompany him to

Bray's lodgings that very hour, and open the negotiation at once, should circumstances appear auspicious and

In pursuance of this last understanding the worthy gentlemen went out together shortly afterwards, and

Newman Noggs emerged, bottle in hand, from the cupboard, out of the upper door of which, at the imminent

risk of detection, he had more than once thrust his red nose when such parts of the subject were under

'I have no appetite now,' said Newman, putting the flask in his pocket. 'I've had MY dinner.'

CHAPTER 47. Mr Ralph Nickleby has some confidential Intercourse with another old Friend. They concert between them a Project, which promises well for both 416

Having delivered this observation in a very grievous and doleful tone, Newman reached the door in one long

'I don't know who she may be, or what she may be,' he said: 'but I pity her with all my heart and soul; and I

can't help her, nor can I any of the people against whom a hundred tricks, but none so vile as this, are plotted

every day! Well, that adds to my pain, but not to theirs. The thing is no worse because I know it, and it

tortures me as well as them. Gride and Nickleby! Good pair for a curricle. Oh roguery! roguery! roguery!'

With these reflections, and a very hard knock on the crown of his unfortunate hat at each repetition of the last

word, Newman Noggs, whose brain was a little muddled by so much of the contents of the pocketpistol as

had found their way there during his recent concealment, went forth to seek such consolation as might be

Meanwhile the two plotters had betaken themselves to the same house whither Nicholas had repaired for the

first time but a few mornings before, and having obtained access to Mr Bray, and found his daughter from

home, had by a train of the most masterly approaches that Ralph's utmost skill could frame, at length laid

'There he sits, Mr Bray,' said Ralph, as the invalid, not yet recovered from his surprise, reclined in his chair,

looking alternately at him and Arthur Gride. 'What if he has had the ill fortune to be one cause of your

detention in this place? I have been another; men must live; you are too much a man of the world not to see

that in its true light. We offer the best reparation in our power. Reparation! Here is an offer of marriage, that

many a titled father would leap at, for his child. Mr Arthur Gride, with the fortune of a prince. Think what a

'My daughter, sir,' returned Bray, haughtily, 'as I have brought her up, would be a rich recompense for the

'Precisely what I told you,' said the artful Ralph, turning to his friend, old Arthur. 'Precisely what made me

consider the thing so fair and easy. There is no obligation on either side. You have money, and Miss

Madeline has beauty and worth. She has youth, you have money. She has not money, you have not youth. Tit

'Matches are made in Heaven, they say,' added Arthur Gride, leering hideously at the fatherinlaw he

'Then think, Mr Bray,' said Ralph, hastily substituting for this argument considerations more nearly allied to

earth, 'think what a stake is involved in the acceptance or rejection of these proposals of my friend.'

'How can I accept or reject,' interrupted Mr Bray, with an irritable consciousness that it really rested with him

to decide. 'It is for my daughter to accept or reject; it is for my daughter. You know that.'

'True,' said Ralph, emphatically; 'but you have still the power to advise; to state the reasons for and against; to

'To hint a wish, sir!' returned the debtor, proud and mean by turns, and selfish at all times. 'I am her father, am

I not? Why should I hint, and beat about the bush? Do you suppose, like her mother's friends and my

enemiesa curse upon them all!that there is anything in what she has done for me but duty, sir, but duty?

Or do you think that my having been unfortunate is a sufficient reason why our relative positions should be

changed, and that she should command and I should obey? Hint a wish, too! Perhaps you think, because you

see me in this place and scarcely able to leave this chair without assistance, that I am some brokenspirited

CHAPTER 47. Mr Ralph Nickleby has some confidential Intercourse with another old Friend. They concert between them a Project, which promises well for both 417

dependent creature, without the courage or power to do what I may think best for my own child. Still the

'Pardon me,' returned Ralph, who thoroughly knew his man, and had taken his ground accordingly; 'you do

not hear me out. I was about to say that your hinting a wish, even hinting a wish, would surely be equivalent

'Why, of course it would,' retorted Mr Bray, in an exasperated tone. 'If you don't happen to have heard of the

time, sir, I tell you that there was a time, when I carried every point in triumph against her mother's whole

'Still,' rejoined Ralph, as mildly as his nature would allow him, 'you have not heard me out. You are a man

yet qualified to shine in society, with many years of life before you; that is, if you lived in freer air, and under

brighter skies, and chose your own companions. Gaiety is your element, you have shone in it before. Fashion

and freedom for you. France, and an annuity that would support you there in luxury, would give you a new

lease of life, would transfer you to a new existence. The town rang with your expensive pleasures once, and

you could blaze up on a new scene again, profiting by experience, and living a little at others' cost, instead of

letting others live at yours. What is there on the reverse side of the picture? What is there? I don't know which

is the nearest churchyard, but a gravestone there, wherever it is, and a date, perhaps two years hence, perhaps

Mr Bray rested his elbow on the arm of his chair, and shaded his face with his hand.

'I speak plainly,' said Ralph, sitting down beside him, 'because I feel strongly. It's my interest that you should

marry your daughter to my friend Gride, because then he sees me paidin part, that is. I don't disguise it. I

acknowledge it openly. But what interest have you in recommending her to such a step? Keep that in view.

She might object, remonstrate, shed tears, talk of his being too old, and plead that her life would be rendered

Several slight gestures on the part of the invalid showed that these arguments were no more lost upon him,

'What is it now, I say,' pursued the wily usurer, 'or what has it a chance of being? If you died, indeed, the

'I should imagine not, indeed!' said Ralph, quietly. 'If she profits by anybody's death,' this was said in a lower

tone, 'let it be by her husband's. Don't let her have to look back to yours, as the event from which to date a

happier life. Where is the objection? Let me hear it stated. What is it? That her suitor is an old man? Why,

how often do men of family and fortune, who haven't your excuse, but have all the means and superfluities of

life within their reach, how often do they marry their daughters to old men, or (worse still) to young men

without heads or hearts, to tickle some idle vanity, strengthen some family interest, or secure some seat in

Parliament! Judge for her, sir, judge for her. You must know best, and she will live to thank you.'

'Hush! hush!' cried Mr Bray, suddenly starting up, and covering Ralph's mouth with his trembling hand. 'I

There was a gleam of conscience in the shame and terror of this hasty action, which, in one short moment,

tore the thin covering of sophistry from the cruel design, and laid it bare in all its meanness and heartless

deformity. The father fell into his chair pale and trembling; Arthur Gride plucked and fumbled at his hat, and

CHAPTER 47. Mr Ralph Nickleby has some confidential Intercourse with another old Friend. They concert between them a Project, which promises well for both 418

durst not raise his eyes from the floor; even Ralph crouched for the moment like a beaten hound, cowed by

The effect was almost as brief as sudden. Ralph was the first to recover himself, and observing Madeline's

looks of alarm, entreated the poor girl to be composed, assuring her that there was no cause for fear.

It might have moved a very hard and worldly heart to see the young and beautiful creature, whose certain

misery they had been contriving but a minute before, throw her arms about her father's neck, and pour forth

words of tender sympathy and love, the sweetest a father's ear can know, or child's lips form. But Ralph

looked coldly on; and Arthur Gride, whose bleared eyes gloated only over the outward beauties, and were

blind to the spirit which reigned within, evinceda fantastic kind of warmth certainly, but not exactly that

'But you had that spasm yesterday, and it is terrible to see you in such pain. Can I do nothing for you?'

'Nothing just now. Here are two gentlemen, Madeline, one of whom you have seen before. She used to say,'

added Mr Bray, addressing Arthur Gride, 'that the sight of you always made me worse. That was natural,

knowing what she did, and only what she did, of our connection and its results. Well, well. Perhaps she may

change her mind on that point; girls have leave to change their minds, you know. You are very tired, my

'I know you do, but you overtask your strength. This wretched life, my love, of daily labour and fatigue, is

With these and many more kind words, Mr Bray drew his daughter to him and kissed her cheek

affectionately. Ralph, watching him sharply and closely in the meantime, made his way towards the door, and

'Yes, yes,' returned Mr Bray, hastily thrusting his daughter aside. 'In a week. Give me a week.'

'One week,' said Ralph, turning to his companion, 'from today. Goodmorning. Miss Madeline, I kiss your

'We will shake hands, Gride,' said Mr Bray, extending his, as old Arthur bowed. 'You mean well, no doubt. I

an bound to say so now. If I owed you money, that was not your fault. Madeline, my love, your hand here.'

'Oh dear! If the young lady would condescent! Only the tips of her fingers,' said Arthur, hesitating and half

CHAPTER 47. Mr Ralph Nickleby has some confidential Intercourse with another old Friend. They concert between them a Project, which promises well for both 419

Madeline shrunk involuntarily from the goblin figure, but she placed the tips of her fingers in his hand and

instantly withdrew them. After an ineffectual clutch, intended to detain and carry them to his lips, old Arthur

gave his own fingers a mumbling kiss, and with many amorous distortions of visage went in pursuit of his

'What does he say, what does he say? What does the giant say to the pigmy?' inquired Arthur Gride, hobbling

'What does the pigmy say to the giant?' rejoined Ralph, elevating his eyebrows and looking down upon his

'He doesn't know what to say,' replied Arthur Gride. 'He hopes and fears. But is she not a dainty morsel?'

'But I have,' rejoined Arthur, rubbing his hands. 'Oh dear! How handsome her eyes looked when she was

stooping over him! Such long lashes, such delicate fringe! Sheshelooked at me so soft.'

'No, you think not?' replied old Arthur. 'But don't you think it can be brought about? Don't you think it can?'

Ralph looked at him with a contemptuous frown, and replied with a sneer, and between his teeth:

'Did you mark his telling her she was tired and did too much, and overtasked her strength?'

'When do you think he ever told her that before? The life is more than she can bear. Yes, yes. He'll change it

'D'ye think it's done?' inquired old Arthur, peering into his companion's face with halfclosed eyes.

'I am sure it's done,' said Ralph. 'He is trying to deceive himself, even before our eyes, already. He is making

believe that he thinks of her good and not his own. He is acting a virtuous part, and so considerate and

affectionate, sir, that the daughter scarcely knew him. I saw a tear of surprise in her eye. There'll be a few

more tears of surprise there before long, though of a different kind. Oh! we may wait with confidence for this

It was with a very sad and heavy heart, oppressed by many painful ideas, that Nicholas retraced his steps

eastward and betook himself to the countinghouse of Cheeryble Brothers. Whatever the idle hopes he had

suffered himself to entertain, whatever the pleasant visions which had sprung up in his mind and grouped

themselves round the fair image of Madeline Bray, they were now dispelled, and not a vestige of their gaiety

It would be a poor compliment to Nicholas's better nature, and one which he was very far from deserving, to

insinuate that the solution, and such a solution, of the mystery which had seemed to surround Madeline Bray,

CHAPTER 48. Being for the Benefit of Mr Vincent Crummles, and positively his last Appearance on this Stage 420

when he was ignorant even of her name, had damped his ardour or cooled the fervour of his admiration. If he

had regarded her before, with such a passion as young men attracted by mere beauty and elegance may

entertain, he was now conscious of much deeper and stronger feelings. But, reverence for the truth and purity

of her heart, respect for the helplessness and loneliness of her situation, sympathy with the trials of one so

young and fair and admiration of her great and noble spirit, all seemed to raise her far above his reach, and,

while they imparted new depth and dignity to his love, to whisper that it was hopeless.

'I will keep my word, as I have pledged it to her,' said Nicholas, manfully. 'This is no common trust that I

have to discharge, and I will perform the double duty that is imposed upon me most scrupulously and strictly.

My secret feelings deserve no consideration in such a case as this, and they shall have none.'

Still, there were the secret feelings in existence just the same, and in secret Nicholas rather encouraged them

than otherwise; reasoning (if he reasoned at all) that there they could do no harm to anybody but himself, and

that if he kept them to himself from a sense of duty, he had an additional right to entertain himself with them

All these thoughts, coupled with what he had seen that morning and the anticipation of his next visit,

rendered him a very dull and abstracted companion; so much so, indeed, that Tim Linkinwater suspected he

must have made the mistake of a figure somewhere, which was preying upon his mind, and seriously

conjured him, if such were the case, to make a clean breast and scratch it out, rather than have his whole life

But in reply to these considerate representations, and many others both from Tim and Mr Frank, Nicholas

could only be brought to state that he was never merrier in his life; and so went on all day, and so went

towards home at night, still turning over and over again the same subjects, thinking over and over again the

In this pensive, wayward, and uncertain state, people are apt to lounge and loiter without knowing why, to

read placards on the walls with great attention and without the smallest idea of one word of their contents,

and to stare most earnestly through shopwindows at things which they don't see. It was thus that Nicholas

found himself poring with the utmost interest over a large playbill hanging outside a Minor Theatre which

he had to pass on his way home, and reading a list of the actors and actresses who had promised to do honour

to some approaching benefit, with as much gravity as if it had been a catalogue of the names of those ladies

and gentlemen who stood highest upon the Book of Fate, and he had been looking anxiously for his own. He

glanced at the top of the bill, with a smile at his own dulness, as he prepared to resume his walk, and there

saw announced, in large letters with a large space between each of them, 'Positively the last appearance of Mr

But there it was. In one line by itself was an announcement of the first night of a new melodrama; in another

line by itself was an announcement of the last six nights of an old one; a third line was devoted to the

reengagement of the unrivalled African Knife swallower, who had kindly suffered himself to be prevailed

upon to forego his country engagements for one week longer; a fourth line announced that Mr Snittle

Timberry, having recovered from his late severe indisposition, would have the honour of appearing that

evening; a fifth line said that there were 'Cheers, Tears, and Laughter!' every night; a sixth, that that was

'Surely it must be the same man,' thought Nicholas. 'There can't be two Vincent Crummleses.'

The better to settle this question he referred to the bill again, and finding that there was a Baron in the first

CHAPTER 48. Being for the Benefit of Mr Vincent Crummles, and positively his last Appearance on this Stage 421

piece, and that Roberto (his son) was enacted by one Master Crummles, and Spaletro (his nephew) by one

Master Percy CrummlesTHEIR last appearances and that, incidental to the piece, was a characteristic

dance by the characters, and a castanet pas seul by the Infant PhenomenonHER last appearancehe no

longer entertained any doubt; and presenting himself at the stagedoor, and sending in a scrap of paper with

'Mr Johnson' written thereon in pencil, was presently conducted by a Robber, with a very large belt and

buckle round his waist, and very large leather gauntlets on his hands, into the presence of his former manager.

Mr Crummles was unfeignedly glad to see him, and starting up from before a small dressingglass, with one

very bushy eyebrow stuck on crooked over his left eye, and the fellow eyebrow and the calf of one of his legs

in his hand, embraced him cordially; at the same time observing, that it would do Mrs Crummles's heart good

'You were always a favourite of hers, Johnson,' said Crummles, 'always were from the first. I was quite easy

in my mind about you from that first day you dined with us. One that Mrs Crummles took a fancy to, was

'I am sincerely obliged to her for her kindness in this and all other respects,' said Nicholas. 'But where are you

'I wonder at that,' said the manager. 'It was among the varieties. I had the paragraph here somewherebut I

So saying, Mr Crummles, after pretending that he thought he must have lost it, produced a square inch of

newspaper from the pocket of the pantaloons he wore in private life (which, together with the plain clothes of

several other gentlemen, lay scattered about on a kind of dresser in the room), and gave it to Nicholas to read:

'The talented Vincent Crummles, long favourably known to fame as a country manager and actor of no

ordinary pretensions, is about to cross the Atlantic on a histrionic expedition. Crummles is to be

accompanied, we hear, by his lady and gifted family. We know no man superior to Crummles in his particular

line of character, or one who, whether as a public or private individual, could carry with him the best wishes

'Here's another bit,' said Mr Crummles, handing over a still smaller scrap. 'This is from the notices to

Nicholas read it aloud. '"PhiloDramaticus. Crummles, the country manager and actor, cannot be more than

fortythree, or fortyfour years of age. Crummles is NOT a Prussian, having been born at Chelsea." Humph!'

'Very,' returned Crummles, scratching the side of his nose, and looking at Nicholas with an assumption of

Still keeping his eye on Nicholas, Mr Crummles shook his head twice or thrice with profound gravity, and

remarking, that he could not for the life of him imagine how the newspapers found out the things they did,

'I am astonished to hear this news,' said Nicholas. 'Going to America! You had no such thing in

CHAPTER 48. Being for the Benefit of Mr Vincent Crummles, and positively his last Appearance on this Stage 422

'No,' replied Crummles, 'I hadn't then. The fact is that Mrs Crummlesmost extraordinary woman, Johnson.'

'The seventh addition, Johnson,' returned Mr Crummles, solemnly. 'I thought such a child as the Phenomenon

must have been a closer; but it seems we are to have another. She is a very remarkable woman.'

'I congratulate you,' said Nicholas, 'and I hope this may prove a phenomenon too.'

'Why, it's pretty sure to be something uncommon, I suppose,' rejoined Mr Crummles. 'The talent of the other

three is principally in combat and serious pantomime. I should like this one to have a turn for juvenile

tragedy; I understand they want something of that sort in America very much. However, we must take it as it

comes. Perhaps it may have a genius for the tightrope. It may have any sort of genius, in short, if it takes

after its mother, Johnson, for she is an universal genius; but, whatever its genius is, that genius shall be

Expressing himself after these terms, Mr Crummles put on his other eyebrow, and the calves of his legs, and

then put on his legs, which were of a yellowish fleshcolour, and rather soiled about the knees, from frequent

going down upon those joints, in curses, prayers, last struggles, and other strong passages.

While the exmanager completed his toilet, he informed Nicholas that as he should have a fair start in

America from the proceeds of a tolerably good engagement which he had been fortunate enough to obtain,

and as he and Mrs Crummles could scarcely hope to act for ever (not being immortal, except in the breath of

Fame and in a figurative sense) he had made up his mind to settle there permanently, in the hope of acquiring

some land of his own which would support them in their old age, and which they could afterwards bequeath

to their children. Nicholas, having highly commended the resolution, Mr Crummles went on to impart such

further intelligence relative to their mutual friends as he thought might prove interesting; informing Nicholas,

among other things, that Miss Snevellicci was happily married to an affluent young waxchandler who had

supplied the theatre with candles, and that Mr Lillyvick didn't dare to say his soul was his own, such was the

Nicholas responded to this confidence on the part of Mr Crummles, by confiding to him his own name,

situation, and prospects, and informing him, in as few general words as he could, of the circumstances which

had led to their first acquaintance. After congratulating him with great heartiness on the improved state of his

fortunes, Mr Crummles gave him to understand that next morning he and his were to start for Liverpool,

where the vessel lay which was to carry them from the shores of England, and that if Nicholas wished to take

a last adieu of Mrs Crummles, he must repair with him that night to a farewell supper, given in honour of the

family at a neighbouring tavern; at which Mr Snittle Timberry would preside, while the honours of the

The room being by this time very warm and somewhat crowded, in consequence of the influx of four

gentlemen, who had just killed each other in the piece under representation, Nicholas accepted the invitation,

and promised to return at the conclusion of the performances; preferring the cool air and twilight out of doors

to the mingled perfume of gas, orangepeel, and gunpowder, which pervaded the hot and glaring theatre.

He availed himself of this interval to buy a silver snuffboxthe best his funds would affordas a token of

remembrance for Mr Crummles, and having purchased besides a pair of earrings for Mrs Crummles, a

necklace for the Phenomenon, and a flaming shirtpin for each of the young gentlemen, he refreshed himself

CHAPTER 48. Being for the Benefit of Mr Vincent Crummles, and positively his last Appearance on this Stage 423

with a walk, and returning a little after the appointed time, found the lights out, the theatre empty, the curtain

raised for the night, and Mr Crummles walking up and down the stage expecting his arrival.

'Timberry won't be long,' said Mr Crummles. 'He played the audience out tonight. He does a faithful black in

'No, I don't know,' replied Mr Crummles; 'it comes off easily enough, and there's only the face and neck. We

had a firsttragedy man in our company once, who, when he played Othello, used to black himself all over.

But that's feeling a part and going into it as if you meant it; it isn't usual; more's the pity.'

Mr Snittle Timberry now appeared, arminarm with the African Swallower, and, being introduced to

Nicholas, raised his hat half a foot, and said he was proud to know him. The Swallower said the same, and

'I see by the bills that you have been ill, sir,' said Nicholas to Mr Timberry. 'I hope you are none the worse for

Mr Timberry, in reply, shook his head with a gloomy air, tapped his chest several times with great

significancy, and drawing his cloak more closely about him, said, 'But no matter, no matter. Come!'

It is observable that when people upon the stage are in any strait involving the very last extremity of

weakness and exhaustion, they invariably perform feats of strength requiring great ingenuity and muscular

power. Thus, a wounded prince or bandit chief, who is bleeding to death and too faint to move, except to the

softest music (and then only upon his hands and knees), shall be seen to approach a cottage door for aid in

such a series of writhings and twistings, and with such curlings up of the legs, and such rollings over and

over, and such gettings up and tumblings down again, as could never be achieved save by a very strong man

skilled in posturemaking. And so natural did this sort of performance come to Mr Snittle Timberry, that on

their way out of the theatre and towards the tavern where the supper was to be holden, he testified the severity

of his recent indisposition and its wasting effects upon the nervous system, by a series of gymnastic

'Why this is indeed a joy I had not looked for!' said Mrs Crummles, when Nicholas was presented.

'Nor I,' replied Nicholas. 'It is by a mere chance that I have this opportunity of seeing you, although I would

'Here is one whom you know,' said Mrs Crummles, thrusting forward the Phenomenon in a blue gauze frock,

extensively flounced, and trousers of the same; 'and here anotherand another,' presenting the Master

'Digby!' said Nicholas, forgetting at the instant that this had been Smike's theatrical name. 'Oh yes. He's

'I fear,' said Nicholas, shaking his head, and making an attempt to smile, 'that your betterhalf would be more

'What mean you?' rejoined Mrs Crummles, in her most popular manner. 'Whence comes this altered tone?'

CHAPTER 48. Being for the Benefit of Mr Vincent Crummles, and positively his last Appearance on this Stage 424

'I mean that a dastardly enemy of mine has struck at me through him, and that while he thinks to torture me,

he inflicts on him such agonies of terror and suspense asYou will excuse me, I am sure,' said Nicholas,

checking himself. 'I should never speak of this, and never do, except to those who know the facts, but for a

With this hasty apology Nicholas stooped down to salute the Phenomenon, and changed the subject; inwardly

cursing his precipitation, and very much wondering what Mrs Crummles must think of so sudden an

That lady seemed to think very little about it, for the supper being by this time on table, she gave her hand to

Nicholas and repaired with a stately step to the left hand of Mr Snittle Timberry. Nicholas had the honour to

support her, and Mr Crummles was placed upon the chairman's right; the Phenomenon and the Master

The company amounted in number to some twentyfive or thirty, being composed of such members of the

theatrical profession, then engaged or disengaged in London, as were numbered among the most intimate

friends of Mr and Mrs Crummles. The ladies and gentlemen were pretty equally balanced; the expenses of the

entertainment being defrayed by the latter, each of whom had the privilege of inviting one of the former as

It was upon the whole a very distinguished party, for independently of the lesser theatrical lights who

clustered on this occasion round Mr Snittle Timberry, there was a literary gentleman present who had

dramatised in his time two hundred and fortyseven novels as fast as they had come outsome of them

This gentleman sat on the left hand of Nicholas, to whom he was introduced by his friend the African

Swallower, from the bottom of the table, with a high eulogium upon his fame and reputation.

'I am happy to know a gentleman of such great distinction,' said Nicholas, politely.

'Sir,' replied the wit, 'you're very welcome, I'm sure. The honour is reciprocal, sir, as I usually say when I

'When I dramatise a book, sir,' said the literary gentleman, 'THAT'S fame. For its author.'

'So Richard Turpin, Tom King, and Jerry Abershaw have handed down to fame the names of those on whom

'Shakespeare dramatised stories which had previously appeared in print, it is true,' observed Nicholas.

'Meaning Bill, sir?' said the literary gentleman. 'So he did. Bill was an adapter, certainly, so he wasand

CHAPTER 48. Being for the Benefit of Mr Vincent Crummles, and positively his last Appearance on this Stage 425

'I was about to say,' rejoined Nicholas, 'that Shakespeare derived some of his plots from old tales and legends

in general circulation; but it seems to me, that some of the gentlemen of your craft, at the present day, have

'You're quite right, sir,' interrupted the literary gentleman, leaning back in his chair and exercising his

toothpick. 'Human intellect, sir, has progressed since his time, is progressing, will progress.'

'Shot beyond him, I mean,' resumed Nicholas, 'in quite another respect, for, whereas he brought within the

magic circle of his genius, traditions peculiarly adapted for his purpose, and turned familiar things into

constellations which should enlighten the world for ages, you drag within the magic circle of your dulness,

subjects not at all adapted to the purposes of the stage, and debase as he exalted. For instance, you take the

uncompleted books of living authors, fresh from their hands, wet from the press, cut, hack, and carve them to

the powers and capacities of your actors, and the capability of your theatres, finish unfinished works, hastily

and crudely vamp up ideas not yet worked out by their original projector, but which have doubtless cost him

many thoughtful days and sleepless nights; by a comparison of incidents and dialogue, down to the very last

word he may have written a fortnight before, do your utmost to anticipate his plotall this without his

permission, and against his will; and then, to crown the whole proceeding, publish in some mean pamphlet,

an unmeaning farrago of garbled extracts from his work, to which your name as author, with the honourable

distinction annexed, of having perpetrated a hundred other outrages of the same description. Now, show me

the distinction between such pilfering as this, and picking a man's pocket in the street: unless, indeed, it be,

that the legislature has a regard for pockethandkerchiefs, and leaves men's brains, except when they are

'That would be an equally fair plea in both cases,' replied Nicholas; 'but if you put it upon that ground, I have

nothing more to say, than, that if I were a writer of books, and you a thirsty dramatist, I would rather pay your

tavern score for six months, large as it might be, than have a niche in the Temple of Fame with you for the

The conversation threatened to take a somewhat angry tone when it had arrived thus far, but Mrs Crummles

opportunely interposed to prevent its leading to any violent outbreak, by making some inquiries of the literary

gentleman relative to the plots of the six new pieces which he had written by contract to introduce the African

Knifeswallower in his various unrivalled performances. This speedily engaged him in an animated

conversation with that lady, in the interest of which, all recollection of his recent discussion with Nicholas

The board being now clear of the more substantial articles of food, and punch, wine, and spirits being placed

upon it and handed about, the guests, who had been previously conversing in little groups of three or four,

gradually fell off into a dead silence, while the majority of those present glanced from time to time at Mr

Snittle Timberry, and the bolder spirits did not even hesitate to strike the table with their knuckles, and

plainly intimate their expectations, by uttering such encouragements as 'Now, Tim,' 'Wake up, Mr Chairman,'

To these remonstrances Mr Timberry deigned no other rejoinder than striking his chest and gasping for

breath, and giving many other indications of being still the victim of indispositionfor a man must not make

himself too cheap either on the stage or offwhile Mr Crummles, who knew full well that he would be the

subject of the forthcoming toast, sat gracefully in his chair with his arm thrown carelessly over the back, and

now and then lifted his glass to his mouth and drank a little punch, with the same air with which he was

accustomed to take long draughts of nothing, out of the pasteboard goblets in banquet scenes.

CHAPTER 48. Being for the Benefit of Mr Vincent Crummles, and positively his last Appearance on this Stage 426

At length Mr Snittle Timberry rose in the most approved attitude, with one hand in the breast of his waistcoat

and the other on the nearest snuffbox, and having been received with great enthusiasm, proposed, with

abundance of quotations, his friend Mr Vincent Crummles: ending a pretty long speech by extending his right

hand on one side and his left on the other, and severally calling upon Mr and Mrs Crummles to grasp the

same. This done, Mr Vincent Crummles returned thanks, and that done, the African Swallower proposed Mrs

Vincent Crummles, in affecting terms. Then were heard loud moans and sobs from Mrs Crummles and the

ladies, despite of which that heroic woman insisted upon returning thanks herself, which she did, in a manner

and in a speech which has never been surpassed and seldom equalled. It then became the duty of Mr Snittle

Timberry to give the young Crummleses, which he did; after which Mr Vincent Crummles, as their father,

addressed the company in a supplementary speech, enlarging on their virtues, amiabilities, and excellences,

and wishing that they were the sons and daughter of every lady and gentleman present. These solemnities

having been succeeded by a decent interval, enlivened by musical and other entertainments, Mr Crummles

proposed that ornament of the profession, the African Swallower, his very dear friend, if he would allow him

to call him so; which liberty (there being no particular reason why he should not allow it) the African

Swallower graciously permitted. The literary gentleman was then about to be drunk, but it being discovered

that he had been drunk for some time in another acceptation of the term, and was then asleep on the stairs, the

intention was abandoned, and the honour transferred to the ladies. Finally, after a very long sitting, Mr Snittle

Timberry vacated the chair, and the company with many adieux and embraces dispersed.

Nicholas waited to the last to give his little presents. When he had said goodbye all round and came to Mr

Crummles, he could not but mark the difference between their present separation and their parting at

Portsmouth. Not a jot of his theatrical manner remained; he put out his hand with an air which, if he could

have summoned it at will, would have made him the best actor of his day in homely parts, and when Nicholas

'We were a very happy little company, Johnson,' said poor Crummles. 'You and I never had a word. I shall be

very glad tomorrow morning to think that I saw you again, but now I almost wish you hadn't come.'

Nicholas was about to return a cheerful reply, when he was greatly disconcerted by the sudden apparition of

Mrs Grudden, who it seemed had declined to attend the supper in order that she might rise earlier in the

morning, and who now burst out of an adjoining bedroom, habited in very extraordinary white robes; and

'What! Are you going too?' said Nicholas, submitting with as good a grace as if she had been the finest young

'Going?' returned Mrs Grudden. 'Lord ha' mercy, what do you think they'd do without me?'

Nicholas submitted to another hug with even a better grace than before, if that were possible, and waving his

While Nicholas, absorbed in the one engrossing subject of interest which had recently opened upon him,

occupied his leisure hours with thoughts of Madeline Bray, and in execution of the commissions which the

anxiety of brother Charles in her behalf imposed upon him, saw her again and again, and each time with

greater danger to his peace of mind and a more weakening effect upon the lofty resolutions he had formed,

Mrs Nickleby and Kate continued to live in peace and quiet, agitated by no other cares than those which were

connected with certain harassing proceedings taken by Mr Snawley for the recovery of his son, and their

CHAPTER 49. Chronicles the further Proceedings of the Nickleby Family, and the Sequel of the Adventure of the Gentleman in the Smallclothes 427

anxiety for Smike himself, whose health, long upon the wane, began to be so much affected by apprehension

and uncertainty as sometimes to occasion both them and Nicholas considerable uneasiness, and even alarm.

It was no complaint or murmur on the part of the poor fellow himself that thus disturbed them. Ever eager to

be employed in such slight services as he could render, and always anxious to repay his benefactors with

cheerful and happy looks, less friendly eyes might have seen in him no cause for any misgiving. But there

were times, and often too, when the sunken eye was too bright, the hollow cheek too flushed, the breath too

thick and heavy in its course, the frame too feeble and exhausted, to escape their regard and notice.

There is a dread disease which so prepares its victim, as it were, for death; which so refines it of its grosser

aspect, and throws around familiar looks unearthly indications of the coming change; a dread disease, in

which the struggle between soul and body is so gradual, quiet, and solemn, and the result so sure, that day by

day, and grain by grain, the mortal part wastes and withers away, so that the spirit grows light and sanguine

with its lightening load, and, feeling immortality at hand, deems it but a new term of mortal life; a disease in

which death and life are so strangely blended, that death takes the glow and hue of life, and life the gaunt and

grisly form of death; a disease which medicine never cured, wealth never warded off, or poverty could boast

exemption from; which sometimes moves in giant strides, and sometimes at a tardy sluggish pace, but, slow

It was with some faint reference in his own mind to this disorder, though he would by no means admit it,

even to himself, that Nicholas had already carried his faithful companion to a physician of great repute. There

was no cause for immediate alarm, he said. There were no present symptoms which could be deemed

conclusive. The constitution had been greatly tried and injured in childhood, but still it MIGHT not beand

But he seemed to grow no worse, and, as it was not difficult to find a reason for these symptoms of illness in

the shock and agitation he had recently undergone, Nicholas comforted himself with the hope that his poor

friend would soon recover. This hope his mother and sister shared with him; and as the object of their joint

solicitude seemed to have no uneasiness or despondency for himself, but each day answered with a quiet

smile that he felt better than he had upon the day before, their fears abated, and the general happiness was by

Many and many a time in after years did Nicholas look back to this period of his life, and tread again the

humble quiet homely scenes that rose up as of old before him. Many and many a time, in the twilight of a

summer evening, or beside the flickering winter's firebut not so often or so sadly thenwould his

thoughts wander back to these old days, and dwell with a pleasant sorrow upon every slight remembrance

which they brought crowding home. The little room in which they had so often sat long after it was dark,

figuring such happy futures; Kate's cheerful voice and merry laugh; how, if she were from home, they used to

sit and watch for her return scarcely breaking silence but to say how dull it seemed without her; the glee with

which poor Smike would start from the darkened corner where he used to sit, and hurry to admit her, and the

tears they often saw upon his face, half wondering to see them too, and he so pleased and happy; every little

incident, and even slight words and looks of those old days little heeded then, but well remembered when

busy cares and trials were quite forgotten, came fresh and thick before him many and many a time, and,

But there were other persons associated with these recollections, and many changes came about before they

had being. A necessary reflection for the purposes of these adventures, which at once subside into their

accustomed train, and shunning all flighty anticipations or wayward wanderings, pursue their steady and

If the brothers Cheeryble, as they found Nicholas worthy of trust and confidence, bestowed upon him every

CHAPTER 49. Chronicles the further Proceedings of the Nickleby Family, and the Sequel of the Adventure of the Gentleman in the Smallclothes 428

day some new and substantial mark of kindness, they were not less mindful of those who depended on him.

Various little presents to Mrs Nickleby, always of the very things they most required, tended in no slight

degree to the improvement and embellishment of the cottage. Kate's little store of trinkets became quite

dazzling; and for company! If brother Charles and brother Ned failed to look in for at least a few minutes

every Sunday, or one evening in the week, there was Mr Tim Linkinwater (who had never made

halfadozen other acquaintances in all his life, and who took such delight in his new friends as no words

can express) constantly coming and going in his evening walks, and stopping to rest; while Mr Frank

Cheeryble happened, by some strange conjunction of circumstances, to be passing the door on some business

'He is the most attentive young man I ever saw, Kate,' said Mrs Nickleby to her daughter one evening, when

this lastnamed gentleman had been the subject of the worthy lady's eulogium for some time, and Kate had

'Bless my heart, Kate!' cried Mrs Nickleby, with her wonted suddenness, 'what a colour you have got; why,

'It wasn't fancy, Kate, my dear, I'm certain of that,' returned her mother. 'However, it's gone now at any rate,

so it don't much matter whether it was or not. What was it we were talking about? Oh! Mr Frank. I never saw

'Surely you are not serious,' returned Kate, colouring again; and this time beyond all dispute.

'Not serious!' returned Mrs Nickleby; 'why shouldn't I be serious? I'm sure I never was more serious. I will

say that his politeness and attention to me is one of the most becoming, gratifying, pleasant things I have seen

for a very long time. You don't often meet with such behaviour in young men, and it strikes one more when

'Dear me, Kate,' retorted Mrs Nickleby, 'what an extraordinary girl you are! Was it likely I should be talking

of his attention to anybody else? I declare I'm quite sorry to think he should be in love with a German lady,

'He said very positively that it was no such thing, mama,' returned Kate. 'Don't you remember his saying so

that very first night he came here? Besides,' she added, in a more gentle tone, 'why should WE be sorry if it is

'Nothing to US, Kate, perhaps,' said Mrs Nickleby, emphatically; 'but something to ME, I confess. I like

English people to be thorough English people, and not half English and half I don't know what. I shall tell

him pointblank next time he comes, that I wish he would marry one of his own countrywomen; and see

'Pray don't think of such a thing, mama,' returned Kate, hastily; 'not for the world. Consider. How very'

'Well, my dear, how very what?' said Mrs Nickleby, opening her eyes in great astonishment.

CHAPTER 49. Chronicles the further Proceedings of the Nickleby Family, and the Sequel of the Adventure of the Gentleman in the Smallclothes 429

Before Kate had returned any reply, a queer little double knock announced that Miss La Creevy had called to

see them; and when Miss La Creevy presented herself, Mrs Nickleby, though strongly disposed to be

argumentative on the previous question, forgot all about it in a gush of supposes about the coach she had

come by; supposing that the man who drove must have been either the man in the shirtsleeves or the man

with the black eye; that whoever he was, he hadn't found that parasol she left inside last week; that no doubt

they had stopped a long while at the Halfway House, coming down; or that perhaps being full, they had come

straight on; and, lastly, that they, surely, must have passed Nicholas on the road.

'I saw nothing of him,' answered Miss La Creevy; 'but I saw that dear old soul Mr Linkinwater.'

'Taking his evening walk, and coming on to rest here, before he turns back to the city, I'll be bound!' said Mrs

'I should think he was,' returned Miss La Creevy; 'especially as young Mr Cheeryble was with him.'

'Why I think it is, my dear,' said Miss La Creevy. 'For a young man, Mr Frank is not a very great walker; and

I observe that he generally falls tired, and requires a good long rest, when he has come as far as this. But

where is my friend?' said the little woman, looking about, after having glanced slyly at Kate. 'He has not been

Upon further inquiry, it turned out, to the good lady's unbounded astonishment, that Smike had, that moment,

'Well now,' said Mrs Nickleby, 'he is the strangest creature! Last Tuesdaywas it Tuesday? Yes, to be sure it

was; you recollect, Kate, my dear, the very last time young Mr Cheeryble was herelast Tuesday night he

went off in just the same strange way, at the very moment the knock came to the door. It cannot be that he

don't like company, because he is always fond of people who are fond of Nicholas, and I am sure young Mr

Cheeryble is. And the strangest thing is, that he does not go to bed; therefore it cannot be because he is tired. I

know he doesn't go to bed, because my room is the next one, and when I went upstairs last Tuesday, hours

after him, I found that he had not even taken his shoes off; and he had no candle, so he must have sat moping

in the dark all the time. Now, upon my word,' said Mrs Nickleby, 'when I come to think of it, that's very

As the hearers did not echo this sentiment, but remained profoundly silent, either as not knowing what to say,

or as being unwilling to interrupt, Mrs Nickleby pursued the thread of her discourse after her own fashion.

'I hope,' said that lady, 'that this unaccountable conduct may not be the beginning of his taking to his bed and

living there all his life, like the Thirsty Woman of Tutbury, or the Cocklane Ghost, or some of those

extraordinary creatures. One of them had some connection with our family. I forget, without looking back to

some old letters I have upstairs, whether it was my greatgrandfather who went to school with the Cocklane

Ghost, or the Thirsty Woman of Tutbury who went to school with my grandmother. Miss La Creevy, you

know, of course. Which was it that didn't mind what the clergyman said? The Cocklane Ghost or the Thirsty

'Then I have no doubt,' said Mrs Nickleby, 'that it was with him my greatgrandfather went to school; for I

CHAPTER 49. Chronicles the further Proceedings of the Nickleby Family, and the Sequel of the Adventure of the Gentleman in the Smallclothes 430

know the master of his school was a dissenter, and that would, in a great measure, account for the Cocklane

Ghost's behaving in such an improper manner to the clergyman when he grew up. Ah! Train up a

Any further reflections on this fruitful theme were abruptly cut short by the arrival of Tim Linkinwater and

Mr Frank Cheeryble; in the hurry of receiving whom, Mrs Nickleby speedily lost sight of everything else.

'I am so sorry Nicholas is not at home,' said Mrs Nickleby. 'Kate, my dear, you must be both Nicholas and

'Miss Nickleby need be but herself,' said Frank. 'Iif I may venture to say sooppose all change in her.'

'Then at all events she shall press you to stay,' returned Mrs Nickleby. 'Mr Linkinwater says ten minutes, but I

cannot let you go so soon; Nicholas would be very much vexed, I am sure. Kate, my dear!'

In obedience to a great number of nods, and winks, and frowns of extra significance, Kate added her

entreaties that the visitors would remain; but it was observable that she addressed them exclusively to Tim

Linkinwater; and there was, besides, a certain embarrassment in her manner, which, although it was as far

from impairing its graceful character as the tinge it communicated to her cheek was from diminishing her

beauty, was obvious at a glance even to Mrs Nickleby. Not being of a very speculative character, however,

save under circumstances when her speculations could be put into words and uttered aloud, that discreet

matron attributed the emotion to the circumstance of her daughter's not happening to have her best frock on:

'though I never saw her look better, certainly,' she reflected at the same time. Having settled the question in

this way, and being most complacently satisfied that in this, and in all other instances, her conjecture could

not fail to be the right one, Mrs Nickleby dismissed it from her thoughts, and inwardly congratulated herself

Nicholas did not come home nor did Smike reappear; but neither circumstance, to say the truth, had any great

effect upon the little party, who were all in the best humour possible. Indeed, there sprung up quite a flirtation

between Miss La Creevy and Tim Linkinwater, who said a thousand jocose and facetious things, and became,

by degrees, quite gallant, not to say tender. Little Miss La Creevy, on her part, was in high spirits, and rallied

Tim on having remained a bachelor all his life with so much success, that Tim was actually induced to

declare, that if he could get anybody to have him, he didn't know but what he might change his condition

even yet. Miss La Creevy earnestly recommended a lady she knew, who would exactly suit Mr Linkinwater,

and had a very comfortable property of her own; but this latter qualification had very little effect upon Tim,

who manfully protested that fortune would be no object with him, but that true worth and cheerfulness of

disposition were what a man should look for in a wife, and that if he had these, he could find money enough

for the moderate wants of both. This avowal was considered so honourable to Tim, that neither Mrs Nickleby

nor Miss La Creevy could sufficiently extol it; and stimulated by their praises, Tim launched out into several

other declarations also manifesting the disinterestedness of his heart, and a great devotion to the fair sex:

which were received with no less approbation. This was done and said with a comical mixture of jest and

earnest, and, leading to a great amount of laughter, made them very merry indeed.

Kate was commonly the life and soul of the conversation at home; but she was more silent than usual upon

this occasion (perhaps because Tim and Miss La Creevy engrossed so much of it), and, keeping aloof from

the talkers, sat at the window watching the shadows as the evening closed in, and enjoying the quiet beauty of

the night, which seemed to have scarcely less attractions to Frank, who first lingered near, and then sat down

beside, her. No doubt, there are a great many things to be said appropriate to a summer evening, and no doubt

they are best said in a low voice, as being most suitable to the peace and serenity of the hour; long pauses,

too, at times, and then an earnest word or so, and then another interval of silence which, somehow, does not

seem like silence either, and perhaps now and then a hasty turning away of the head, or drooping of the eyes

CHAPTER 49. Chronicles the further Proceedings of the Nickleby Family, and the Sequel of the Adventure of the Gentleman in the Smallclothes 431

towards the ground, all these minor circumstances, with a disinclination to have candles introduced and a

tendency to confuse hours with minutes, are doubtless mere influences of the time, as many lovely lips can

clearly testify. Neither is there the slightest reason why Mrs Nickleby should have expressed surprise when,

candles being at length brought in, Kate's bright eyes were unable to bear the light which obliged her to avert

her face, and even to leave the room for some short time; because, when one has sat in the dark so long,

candles ARE dazzling, and nothing can be more strictly natural than that such results should be produced, as

all wellinformed young people know. For that matter, old people know it too, or did know it once, but they

The good lady's surprise, however, did not end here. It was greatly increased when it was discovered that

Kate had not the least appetite for supper: a discovery so alarming that there is no knowing in what

unaccountable efforts of oratory Mrs Nickleby's apprehensions might have been vented, if the general

attention had not been attracted, at the moment, by a very strange and uncommon noise, proceeding, as the

pale and trembling servant girl affirmed, and as everybody's sense of hearing seemed to affirm also, 'right

It being quite plain to the comprehension of all present that, however extraordinary and improbable it might

appear, the noise did nevertheless proceed from the chimney in question; and the noise (which was a strange

compound of various shuffling, sliding, rumbling, and struggling sounds, all muffled by the chimney) still

continuing, Frank Cheeryble caught up a candle, and Tim Linkinwater the tongs, and they would have very

quickly ascertained the cause of this disturbance if Mrs Nickleby had not been taken very faint, and declined

being left behind, on any account. This produced a short remonstrance, which terminated in their all

proceeding to the troubled chamber in a body, excepting only Miss La Creevy, who, as the servant girl

volunteered a confession of having been subject to fits in her infancy, remained with her to give the alarm

Advancing to the door of the mysterious apartment, they were not a little surprised to hear a human voice,

chanting with a highly elaborated expression of melancholy, and in tones of suffocation which a human voice

might have produced from under five or six featherbeds of the best quality, the once popular air of 'Has she

then failed in her truth, the beautiful maid I adore?' Nor, on bursting into the room without demanding a

parley, was their astonishment lessened by the discovery that these romantic sounds certainly proceeded from

the throat of some man up the chimney, of whom nothing was visible but a pair of legs, which were dangling

above the grate; apparently feeling, with extreme anxiety, for the top bar whereon to effect a landing.

A sight so unusual and unbusinesslike as this, completely paralysed Tim Linkinwater, who, after one or two

gentle pinches at the stranger's ankles, which were productive of no effect, stood clapping the tongs together,

'This must be some drunken fellow,' said Frank. 'No thief would announce his presence thus.'

As he said this, with great indignation, he raised the candle to obtain a better view of the legs, and was

darting forward to pull them down with very little ceremony, when Mrs Nickleby, clasping her hands, uttered

a sharp sound, something between a scream and an exclamation, and demanded to know whether the

mysterious limbs were not clad in smallclothes and grey worsted stockings, or whether her eyes had

'Yes,' cried Frank, looking a little closer. 'Smallclothes certainly, andandrough grey stockings, too. Do

'Kate, my dear,' said Mrs Nickleby, deliberately sitting herself down in a chair with that sort of desperate

resignation which seemed to imply that now matters had come to a crisis, and all disguise was useless, 'you

CHAPTER 49. Chronicles the further Proceedings of the Nickleby Family, and the Sequel of the Adventure of the Gentleman in the Smallclothes 432

will have the goodness, my love, to explain precisely how this matter stands. I have given him no

encouragementnone whatevernot the least in the world. You know that, my dear, perfectly well. He was

very respectful, exceedingly respectful, when he declared, as you were a witness to; still at the same time, if I

am to be persecuted in this way, if vegetable what'shisnames and all kinds of gardenstuff are to strew my

path out of doors, and gentlemen are to come choking up our chimneys at home, I really don't knowupon

my word I do NOT knowwhat is to become of me. It's a very hard caseharder than anything I was ever

exposed to, before I married your poor dear papa, though I suffered a good deal of annoyance thenbut that,

of course, I expected, and made up my mind for. When I was not nearly so old as you, my dear, there was a

young gentleman who sat next us at church, who used, almost every Sunday, to cut my name in large letters

in the front of his pew while the sermon was going on. It was gratifying, of course, naturally so, but still it

was an annoyance, because the pew was in a very conspicuous place, and he was several times publicly taken

out by the beadle for doing it. But that was nothing to this. This is a great deal worse, and a great deal more

embarrassing. I would rather, Kate, my dear,' said Mrs Nickleby, with great solemnity, and an effusion of

tears: 'I would rather, I declare, have been a pig faced lady, than be exposed to such a life as this!'

Frank Cheeryble and Tim Linkinwater looked, in irrepressible astonishment, first at each other and then at

Kate, who felt that some explanation was necessary, but who, between her terror at the apparition of the legs,

her fear lest their owner should be smothered, and her anxiety to give the least ridiculous solution of the

mystery that it was capable of bearing, was quite unable to utter a single word.

'He gives me great pain,' continued Mrs Nickleby, drying her eyes, 'great pain; but don't hurt a hair of his

It would not, under existing circumstances, have been quite so easy to hurt a hair of the gentleman's head as

Mrs Nickleby seemed to imagine, inasmuch as that part of his person was some feet up the chimney, which

was by no means a wide one. But, as all this time he had never left off singing about the bankruptcy of the

beautiful maid in respect of truth, and now began not only to croak very feebly, but to kick with great

violence as if respiration became a task of difficulty, Frank Cheeryble, without further hesitation, pulled at

the shorts and worsteds with such heartiness as to bring him floundering into the room with greater

'Oh! yes, yes,' said Kate, directly the whole figure of this singular visitor appeared in this abrupt manner. 'I

know who it is. Pray don't be rough with him. Is he hurt? I hope not. Oh, pray see if he is hurt.'

'He is not, I assure you,' replied Frank, handling the object of his surprise, after this appeal, with sudden

'Oh, no, he shall not,' rejoined Frank. 'You see I have him secure here. But may I ask you what this means,

'Oh, no,' said Kate, 'of course not; but hemama does not think so, I believebut he is a mad gentleman

who has escaped from the next house, and must have found an opportunity of secreting himself here.'

'I am surprised at you,' repeated Mrs Nickleby; 'upon my word, Kate, I am quite astonished that you should

join the persecutors of this unfortunate gentleman, when you know very well that they have the basest

CHAPTER 49. Chronicles the further Proceedings of the Nickleby Family, and the Sequel of the Adventure of the Gentleman in the Smallclothes 433

designs upon his property, and that that is the whole secret of it. It would be much kinder of you, Kate, to ask

Mr Linkinwater or Mr Cheeryble to interfere in his behalf, and see him righted. You ought not to allow your

feelings to influence you; it's not right, very far from it. What should my feelings be, do you suppose? If

anybody ought to be indignant, who is it? I, of course, and very properly so. Still, at the same time, I wouldn't

commit such an injustice for the world. No,' continued Mrs Nickleby, drawing herself up, and looking

another way with a kind of bashful stateliness; 'this gentleman will understand me when I tell him that I

repeat the answer I gave him the other day; that I always will repeat it, though I do believe him to be sincere

when I find him placing himself in such dreadful situations on my account; and that I request him to have the

goodness to go away directly, or it will be impossible to keep his behaviour a secret from my son Nicholas. I

am obliged to him, very much obliged to him, but I cannot listen to his addresses for a moment. It's quite

While this address was in course of delivery, the old gentleman, with his nose and cheeks embellished with

large patches of soot, sat upon the ground with his arms folded, eyeing the spectators in profound silence, and

with a very majestic demeanour. He did not appear to take the smallest notice of what Mrs Nickleby said, but

when she ceased to speak he honoured her with a long stare, and inquired if she had quite finished.

'I have nothing more to say,' replied that lady modestly. 'I really cannot say anything more.'

'Very good,' said the old gentleman, raising his voice, 'then bring in the bottled lightning, a clean tumbler, and

Nobody executing this order, the old gentleman, after a short pause, raised his voice again and demanded a

thunder sandwich. This article not being forthcoming either, he requested to be served with a fricassee of

boottops and goldfish sauce, and then laughing heartily, gratified his hearers with a very long, very loud,

But still Mrs Nickleby, in reply to the significant looks of all about her, shook her head as though to assure

them that she saw nothing whatever in all this, unless, indeed, it were a slight degree of eccentricity. She

might have remained impressed with these opinions down to the latest moment of her life, but for a slight

train of circumstances, which, trivial as they were, altered the whole complexion of the case.

It happened that Miss La Creevy, finding her patient in no very threatening condition, and being strongly

impelled by curiosity to see what was going forward, bustled into the room while the old gentleman was in

the very act of bellowing. It happened, too, that the instant the old gentleman saw her, he stopped short,

skipped suddenly on his feet, and fell to kissing his hand violently: a change of demeanour which almost

terrified the little portrait painter out of her senses, and caused her to retreat behind Tim Linkinwater with the

'Aha!' cried the old gentleman, folding his hands, and squeezing them with great force against each other. 'I

see her now; I see her now! My love, my life, my bride, my peerless beauty. She is come at lastat

Mrs Nickleby looked rather disconcerted for a moment, but immediately recovering, nodded to Miss La

Creevy and the other spectators several times, and frowned, and smiled gravely, giving them to understand

that she saw where the mistake was, and would set it all to rights in a minute or two.

'She is come!' said the old gentleman, laying his hand upon his heart. 'Cormoran and Blunderbore! She is

come! All the wealth I have is hers if she will take me for her slave. Where are grace, beauty, and

blandishments, like those? In the Empress of Madagascar? No. In the Queen of Diamonds? No. In Mrs

Rowland, who every morning bathes in Kalydor for nothing? No. Melt all these down into one, with the three

CHAPTER 49. Chronicles the further Proceedings of the Nickleby Family, and the Sequel of the Adventure of the Gentleman in the Smallclothes 434

Graces, the nine Muses, and fourteen biscuitbakers' daughters from Oxford Street, and make a woman half

After uttering this rhapsody, the old gentleman snapped his fingers twenty or thirty times, and then subsided

into an ecstatic contemplation of Miss La Creevy's charms. This affording Mrs Nickleby a favourable

'I am sure,' said the worthy lady, with a prefatory cough, 'that it's a great relief, under such trying

circumstances as these, to have anybody else mistaken for mea very great relief; and it's a circumstance

that never occurred before, although I have several times been mistaken for my daughter Kate. I have no

doubt the people were very foolish, and perhaps ought to have known better, but still they did take me for her,

and of course that was no fault of mine, and it would be very hard indeed if I was to be made responsible for

it. However, in this instance, of course, I must feel that I should do exceedingly wrong if I suffered

anybody especially anybody that I am under great obligations toto be made uncomfortable on my

account. And therefore I think it my duty to tell that gentleman that he is mistaken, that I am the lady who he

was told by some impertinent person was niece to the Council of Pavingstones, and that I do beg and entreat

of him to go quietly away, if it's only for,' here Mrs Nickleby simpered and hesitated, 'for MY sake.'

It might have been expected that the old gentleman would have been penetrated to the heart by the delicacy

and condescension of this appeal, and that he would at least have returned a courteous and suitable reply.

What, then, was the shock which Mrs Nickleby received, when, accosting HER in the most unmistakable

'Cat!' repeated the old gentleman. 'Puss, Kit, Tit, Grimalkin, Tabby, Brindle! Whoosh!' with which last sound,

uttered in a hissing manner between his teeth, the old gentleman swung his arms violently round and round,

and at the same time alternately advanced on Mrs Nickleby, and retreated from her, in that species of savage

dance with which boys on marketdays may be seen to frighten pigs, sheep, and other animals, when they

Mrs Nickleby wasted no words, but uttered an exclamation of horror and surprise, and immediately fainted

'I'll attend to mama,' said Kate, hastily; 'I am not at all frightened. But pray take him away: pray take him

Frank was not at all confident of his power of complying with this request, until he bethought himself of the

stratagem of sending Miss La Creevy on a few paces in advance, and urging the old gentleman to follow her.

It succeeded to a miracle; and he went away in a rapture of admiration, strongly guarded by Tim Linkinwater

'I shall never forgive myself, Kate,' said Mrs Nickleby. 'Never! That gentleman has lost his senses, and I am

CHAPTER 49. Chronicles the further Proceedings of the Nickleby Family, and the Sequel of the Adventure of the Gentleman in the Smallclothes 435

'I, my love,' replied Mrs Nickleby, with a desperate calmness. 'You saw what he was the other day; you see

what he is now. I told your brother, weeks and weeks ago, Kate, that I hoped a disappointment might not be

too much for him. You see what a wreck he is. Making allowance for his being a little flighty, you know how

rationally, and sensibly, and honourably he talked, when we saw him in the garden. You have heard the

dreadful nonsense he has been guilty of this night, and the manner in which he has gone on with that poor

unfortunate little old maid. Can anybody doubt how all this has been brought about?'

'I should scarcely think so, either,' rejoined her mother. 'Well! if I am the unfortunate cause of this, I have the

satisfaction of knowing that I am not to blame. I told Nicholas, I said to him, "Nicholas, my dear, we should

be very careful how we proceed." He would scarcely hear me. If the matter had only been properly taken up

at first, as I wished it to be! But you are both of you so like your poor papa. However, I have MY consolation,

Washing her hands, thus, of all responsibility under this head, past, present, or to come, Mrs Nickleby kindly

added that she hoped her children might never have greater cause to reproach themselves than she had, and

prepared herself to receive the escort, who soon returned with the intelligence that the old gentleman was

safely housed, and that they found his custodians, who had been making merry with some friends, wholly

Quiet being again restored, a delicious halfhourso Frank called it, in the course of subsequent

conversation with Tim Linkinwater as they were walking homewas spent in conversation, and Tim's watch

at length apprising him that it was high time to depart, the ladies were left alone, though not without many

offers on the part of Frank to remain until Nicholas arrived, no matter what hour of the night it might be, if,

after the late neighbourly irruption, they entertained the least fear of being left to themselves. As their

freedom from all further apprehension, however, left no pretext for his insisting on mounting guard, he was

Nearly three hours of silence passed away. Kate blushed to find, when Nicholas returned, how long she had

'They must have been pleasant thoughts, Kate,' rejoined Nicholas gaily, 'to make time pass away like that.

Kate was confused; she toyed with some trifle on the table, looked up and smiled, looked down and dropped

'Why, Kate,' said Nicholas, drawing his sister towards him and kissing her, 'let me see your face. No? Ah!

that was but a glimpse; that's scarcely fair. A longer look than that, Kate. Comeand I'll read your thoughts

There was something in this proposition, albeit it was said without the slightest consciousness or application,

which so alarmed his sister, that Nicholas laughingly changed the subject to domestic matters, and thus

gathered, by degrees, as they left the room and went upstairs together, how lonely Smike had been all

nightand by very slow degrees, too; for on this subject also, Kate seemed to speak with some reluctance.

'Poor fellow,' said Nicholas, tapping gently at his door, 'what can be the cause of all this?'

CHAPTER 49. Chronicles the further Proceedings of the Nickleby Family, and the Sequel of the Adventure of the Gentleman in the Smallclothes 436

Kate was hanging on her brother's arm. The door being quickly opened, she had not time to disengage

herself, before Smike, very pale and haggard, and completely dressed, confronted them.

Nicholas gently detained his sister, who made an effort to retire; and asked, 'Why not?'

'I could not sleep,' said Smike, grasping the hand which his friend extended to him.

'Then why do you give way to these fits of melancholy?' inquired Nicholas, in his kindest manner; 'or why

'I do; I know I do,' he replied. 'I will tell you the reason one day, but not now. I hate myself for this; you are

all so good and kind. But I cannot help it. My heart is very full; you do not know how full it is.'

He wrung Nicholas's hand before he released it; and glancing, for a moment, at the brother and sister as they

stood together, as if there were something in their strong affection which touched him very deeply, withdrew

The little racecourse at Hampton was in the full tide and height of its gaiety; the day as dazzling as day

could be; the sun high in the cloudless sky, and shining in its fullest splendour. Every gaudy colour that

fluttered in the air from carriage seat and garish tent top, shone out in its gaudiest hues. Old dingy flags grew

new again, faded gilding was reburnished, stained rotten canvas looked a snowy white, the very beggars'

rags were freshened up, and sentiment quite forgot its charity in its fervent admiration of poverty so

It was one of those scenes of life and animation, caught in its very brightest and freshest moments, which can

scarcely fail to please; for if the eye be tired of show and glare, or the ear be weary with a ceaseless round of

noise, the one may repose, turn almost where it will, on eager, happy, and expectant faces, and the other

deaden all consciousness of more annoying sounds in those of mirth and exhilaration. Even the sunburnt

faces of gypsy children, half naked though they be, suggest a drop of comfort. It is a pleasant thing to see that

the sun has been there; to know that the air and light are on them every day; to feel that they ARE children,

and lead children's lives; that if their pillows be damp, it is with the dews of Heaven, and not with tears; that

the limbs of their girls are free, and that they are not crippled by distortions, imposing an unnatural and

horrible penance upon their sex; that their lives are spent, from day to day, at least among the waving trees,

and not in the midst of dreadful engines which make young children old before they know what childhood is,

and give them the exhaustion and infirmity of age, without, like age, the privilege to die. God send that old

The great race of the day had just been run; and the close lines of people, on either side of the course,

suddenly breaking up and pouring into it, imparted a new liveliness to the scene, which was again all busy

movement. Some hurried eagerly to catch a glimpse of the winning horse; others darted to and fro, searching,

no less eagerly, for the carriages they had left in quest of better stations. Here, a little knot gathered round a

pea and thimble table to watch the plucking of some unhappy greenhorn; and there, another proprietor with

his confederates in various disguisesone man in spectacles; another, with an eyeglass and a stylish hat; a

third, dressed as a farmer well to do in the world, with his top coat over his arm and his flash notes in a large

leathern pocket book; and all with heavyhandled whips to represent most innocent country fellows who

had trotted there on horsebacksought, by loud and noisy talk and pretended play, to entrap some unwary

customer, while the gentlemen confederates (of more villainous aspect still, in clean linen and good clothes),

betrayed their close interest in the concern by the anxious furtive glance they cast on all new comers. These

would be hanging on the outskirts of a wide circle of people assembled round some itinerant juggler,

opposed, in his turn, by a noisy band of music, or the classic game of 'Ring the Bull,' while ventriloquists

holding dialogues with wooden dolls, and fortunetelling women smothering the cries of real babies, divided

with them, and many more, the general attention of the company. Drinkingtents were full, glasses began to

clink in carriages, hampers to be unpacked, tempting provisions to be set forth, knives and forks to rattle,

champagne corks to fly, eyes to brighten that were not dull before, and pickpockets to count their gains

during the last heat. The attention so recently strained on one object of interest, was now divided among a

hundred; and look where you would, there was a motley assemblage of feasting, laughing, talking, begging,

Of the gamblingbooths there was a plentiful show, flourishing in all the splendour of carpeted ground,

striped hangings, crimson cloth, pinnacled roofs, geranium pots, and livery servants. There were the

Stranger's clubhouse, the Athenaeum clubhouse, the Hampton clubhouse, the St James's clubhouse, and

half a mile of clubhouses to play IN; and there were ROUGEETNOIR, French hazard, and other games

Fitted up with three tables for the purposes of play, and crowded with players and lookers on, it was, although

the largest place of the kind upon the course, intensely hot, notwithstanding that a portion of the canvas roof

was rolled back to admit more air, and there were two doors for a free passage in and out. Excepting one or

two men who, each with a long roll of halfcrowns, chequered with a few stray sovereigns, in his left hand,

staked their money at every roll of the ball with a businesslike sedateness which showed that they were used

to it, and had been playing all day, and most probably all the day before, there was no very distinctive

character about the players, who were chiefly young men, apparently attracted by curiosity, or staking small

sums as part of the amusement of the day, with no very great interest in winning or losing. There were two

persons present, however, who, as peculiarly good specimens of a class, deserve a passing notice.

Of these, one was a man of six or eight and fifty, who sat on a chair near one of the entrances of the booth,

with his hands folded on the top of his stick, and his chin appearing above them. He was a tall, fat,

longbodied man, buttoned up to the throat in a light green coat, which made his body look still longer than it

was. He wore, besides, drab breeches and gaiters, a white neckerchief, and a broadbrimmed white hat. Amid

all the buzzing noise of the games, and the perpetual passing in and out of the people, he seemed perfectly

calm and abstracted, without the smallest particle of excitement in his composition. He exhibited no

indication of weariness, nor, to a casual observer, of interest either. There he sat, quite still and collected.

Sometimes, but very rarely, he nodded to some passing face, or beckoned to a waiter to obey a call from one

of the tables. The next instant he subsided into his old state. He might have been some profoundly deaf old

gentleman, who had come in to take a rest, or he might have been patiently waiting for a friend, without the

least consciousness of anybody's presence, or fixed in a trance, or under the influence of opium. People

turned round and looked at him; he made no gesture, caught nobody's eye, let them pass away, and others

come on and be succeeded by others, and took no notice. When he did move, it seemed wonderful how he

could have seen anything to occasion it. And so, in truth, it was. But there was not a face that passed in or

out, which this man failed to see; not a gesture at any one of the three tables that was lost upon him; not a

word, spoken by the bankers, but reached his ear; not a winner or loser he could not have marked. And he

The other presided over the ROUGEETNOIR table. He was probably some ten years younger, and was a

plump, paunchy, sturdylooking fellow, with his underlip a little pursed, from a habit of counting money

inwardly as he paid it, but with no decidedly bad expression in his face, which was rather an honest and jolly

one than otherwise. He wore no coat, the weather being hot, and stood behind the table with a huge mound of

crowns and halfcrowns before him, and a cashbox for notes. This game was constantly playing. Perhaps

twenty people would be staking at the same time. This man had to roll the ball, to watch the stakes as they

were laid down, to gather them off the colour which lost, to pay those who won, to do it all with the utmost

dispatch, to roll the ball again, and to keep this game perpetually alive. He did it all with a rapidity absolutely

marvellous; never hesitating, never making a mistake, never stopping, and never ceasing to repeat such

unconnected phrases as the following, which, partly from habit, and partly to have something appropriate and

businesslike to say, he constantly poured out with the same monotonous emphasis, and in nearly the same

'Roogeanore from Paris! Gentlemen, make your game and back your own opinionsany time while the

ball rollsroogeanore from Paris, gentlemen, it's a French game, gentlemen, I brought it over myself, I

did indeed!Roogeanore from Parisblack winsblack stop a minute, sir, and I'll pay you,

directlytwo there, half a pound there, three thereand one theregentlemen, the ball's a rollingany

time, sir, while the ball rolls!The beauty of this game is, that you can double your stakes or put down your

money, gentlemen, any time while the ball rollsblack againblack winsI never saw such a thingI

never did, in all my life, upon my word I never did; if any gentleman had been backing the black in the last

five minutes he must have won fiveandforty pound in four rolls of the ball, he must indeed. Gentlemen,

we've port, sherry, cigars, and most excellent champagne. Here, waiter, bring a bottle of champagne, and

let's have a dozen or fifteen cigars hereand let's be comfortable, gentlemenand bring some clean

glassesany time while the ball rolls!I lost one hundred and thirtyseven pound yesterday, gentlemen, at

one roll of the ball, I did indeed!how do you do, sir?' (recognising some knowing gentleman without any

halt or change of voice, and giving a wink so slight that it seems an accident), 'will you take a glass of sherry,

sir?here, waiter! bring a clean glass, and hand the sherry to this gentlemanand hand it round, will you,

waiter?this is the roogeanore from Paris, gentlemenany time while the ball rolls!gentlemen, make

your game, and back your own opinionsit's the roogeanore from Paris quite a new game, I brought it

This officer was busily plying his vocation when halfadozen persons sauntered through the booth, to

whom, but without stopping either in his speech or work, he bowed respectfully; at the same time directing,

by a look, the attention of a man beside him to the tallest figure in the group, in recognition of whom the

proprietor pulled off his hat. This was Sir Mulberry Hawk, with whom were his friend and pupil, and a small

The proprietor, in a low voice, bade Sir Mulberry goodday. Sir Mulberry, in the same tone, bade the

There was evidently an irritable consciousness about him that he was an object of curiosity, on this first

occasion of showing himself in public after the accident that had befallen him; and it was easy to perceive

that he appeared on the racecourse, that day, more in the hope of meeting with a great many people who

knew him, and so getting over as much as possible of the annoyance at once, than with any purpose of

enjoying the sport. There yet remained a slight scar upon his face, and whenever he was recognised, as he

was almost every minute by people sauntering in and out, he made a restless effort to conceal it with his

'Ah! Hawk,' said one very sprucelydressed personage in a Newmarket coat, a choice neckerchief, and all

This was a rival trainer of young noblemen and gentlemen, and the person of all others whom Sir Mulberry

'That's right,' said the other. 'How d'ye do, Verisopht? He's a little pulled down, our friend here. Rather out of

It should be observed that the gentleman had very white teeth, and that when there was no excuse for

laughing, he generally finished with the same monosyllable, which he uttered so as to display them.

'He's in very good condition; there's nothing the matter with him,' said the young man carelessly.

'Upon my soul I'm glad to hear it,' rejoined the other. 'Have you just returned from Brussels?'

'We only reached town late last night,' said Lord Frederick. Sir Mulberry turned away to speak to one of his

'Now, upon my life,' said the friend, affecting to speak in a whisper, 'it's an uncommonly bold and game thing

in Hawk to show himself so soon. I say it advisedly; there's a vast deal of courage in it. You see he has just

rusticated long enough to excite curiosity, and not long enough for men to have forgotten that deuced

unpleasantbythebyeyou know the rights of the affair, of course? Why did you never give those

confounded papers the lie? I seldom read the papers, but I looked in the papers for that, and may I be'

'Look in the papers,' interrupted Sir Mulberry, turning suddenly round, 'tomorrowno, next day, will you?'

'Upon my life, my dear fellow, I seldom or never read the papers,' said the other, shrugging his shoulders, 'but

'Good day,' said Sir Mulberry, turning abruptly on his heel, and drawing his pupil with him. Falling, again,

into the loitering, careless pace at which they had entered, they lounged out, arm in arm.

'I won't give him a case of murder to read,' muttered Sir Mulberry with an oath; 'but it shall be something

His companion said nothing, but there was something in his manner which galled Sir Mulberry to add, with

'I sent Jenkins to old Nickleby before eight o'clock this morning. He's a staunch one; he was back with me

before the messenger. I had it all from him in the first five minutes. I know where this hound is to be met

with; time and place both. But there's no need to talk; tomorrow will soon be here.'

Sir Mulberry Hawk honoured him with an angry glance, but condescended to return no verbal answer to this

inquiry. Both walked sullenly on, as though their thoughts were busily occupied, until they were quite clear

'Stop,' said his companion, 'I want to speak to you in earnest. Don't turn back. Let us walk here, a few

'What have you to say to me, that you could not say yonder as well as here?' returned his Mentor, disengaging

'MUST know,' interrupted the other disdainfully. 'Whew! Go on. If you must know, of course there's no

'Must ask then,' returned Lord Frederick, 'and must press you for a plain and straightforward answer. Is what

you have just said only a mere whim of the moment, occasioned by your being out of humour and irritated, or

'Why, don't you remember what passed on the subject one night, when I was laid up with a broken limb?' said

'Then take that for an answer, in the devil's name,' replied Sir Mulberry, 'and ask me for no other.'

Such was the ascendancy he had acquired over his dupe, and such the latter's general habit of submission,

that, for the moment, the young man seemed half afraid to pursue the subject. He soon overcame this feeling,

'If I remember what passed at the time you speak of, I expressed a strong opinion on this subject, and said

'A very proper saving clause, that last,' said Sir Mulberry; 'and one you stand in need of. Oh! look to your

'This IS mine,' retorted Lord Frederick. 'I make it mine; I will make it mine. It's mine already. I am more

'Do as you please, and what you please, for yourself,' said Sir Mulberry, affecting an easy goodhumour.

'Surely that must content you! Do nothing for me; that's all. I advise no man to interfere in proceedings that I

choose to take. I am sure you know me better than to do so. The fact is, I see, you mean to offer me advice. It

is well meant, I have no doubt, but I reject it. Now, if you please, we will return to the carriage. I find no

entertainment here, but quite the reverse. If we prolong this conversation, we might quarrel, which would be

With this rejoinder, and waiting for no further discussion, Sir Mulberry Hawk yawned, and very leisurely

There was not a little tact and knowledge of the young lord's disposition in this mode of treating him. Sir

Mulberry clearly saw that if his dominion were to last, it must be established now. He knew that the moment

he became violent, the young man would become violent too. He had, many times, been enabled to

strengthen his influence, when any circumstance had occurred to weaken it, by adopting this cool and laconic

But while he did this, and wore the most careless and indifferent deportment that his practised arts enabled

him to assume, he inwardly resolved, not only to visit all the mortification of being compelled to suppress his

feelings, with additional severity upon Nicholas, but also to make the young lord pay dearly for it, one day, in

some shape or other. So long as he had been a passive instrument in his hands, Sir Mulberry had regarded

him with no other feeling than contempt; but, now that he presumed to avow opinions in opposition to his,

and even to turn upon him with a lofty tone and an air of superiority, he began to hate him. Conscious that, in

the vilest and most worthless sense of the term, he was dependent upon the weak young lord, Sir Mulberry

could the less brook humiliation at his hands; and when he began to dislike him he measured his dislikeas

men often doby the extent of the injuries he had inflicted upon its object. When it is remembered that Sir

Mulberry Hawk had plundered, duped, deceived, and fooled his pupil in every possible way, it will not be

On the other hand, the young lord having thoughtwhich he very seldom did about anythingand seriously

too, upon the affair with Nicholas, and the circumstances which led to it, had arrived at a manly and honest

conclusion. Sir Mulberry's coarse and insulting behaviour on the occasion in question had produced a deep

impression on his mind; a strong suspicion of his having led him on to pursue Miss Nickleby for purposes of

his own, had been lurking there for some time; he was really ashamed of his share in the transaction, and

deeply mortified by the misgiving that he had been gulled. He had had sufficient leisure to reflect upon these

things, during their late retirement; and, at times, when his careless and indolent nature would permit, had

availed himself of the opportunity. Slight circumstances, too, had occurred to increase his suspicion. It

wanted but a very slight circumstance to kindle his wrath against Sir Mulberry. This his disdainful and

insolent tone in their recent conversation (the only one they had held upon the subject since the period to

Thus they rejoined their friends: each with causes of dislike against the other rankling in his breast: and the

young man haunted, besides, with thoughts of the vindictive retaliation which was threatened against

Nicholas, and the determination to prevent it by some strong step, if possible. But this was not all. Sir

Mulberry, conceiving that he had silenced him effectually, could not suppress his triumph, or forbear from

following up what he conceived to be his advantage. Mr Pyke was there, and Mr Pluck was there, and

Colonel Chowser, and other gentlemen of the same caste, and it was a great point for Sir Mulberry to show

them that he had not lost his influence. At first, the young lord contented himself with a silent determination

to take measures for withdrawing himself from the connection immediately. By degrees, he grew more angry,

and was exasperated by jests and familiarities which, a few hours before, would have been a source of

amusement to him. This did not serve him; for, at such bantering or retort as suited the company, he was no

match for Sir Mulberry. Still, no violent rupture took place. They returned to town; Messrs Pyke and Pluck

and other gentlemen frequently protesting, on the way thither, that Sir Mulberry had never been in such tiptop

They dined together, sumptuously. The wine flowed freely, as indeed it had done all day. Sir Mulberry drank

to recompense himself for his recent abstinence; the young lord, to drown his indignation; and the remainder

of the party, because the wine was of the best and they had nothing to pay. It was nearly midnight when they

rushed out, wild, burning with wine, their blood boiling, and their brains on fire, to the gamingtable.

Here, they encountered another party, mad like themselves. The excitement of play, hot rooms, and glaring

lights was not calculated to allay the fever of the time. In that giddy whirl of noise and confusion, the men

were delirious. Who thought of money, ruin, or the morrow, in the savage intoxication of the moment? More

wine was called for, glass after glass was drained, their parched and scalding mouths were cracked with

thirst. Down poured the wine like oil on blazing fire. And still the riot went on. The debauchery gained its

height; glasses were dashed upon the floor by hands that could not carry them to lips; oaths were shouted out

by lips which could scarcely form the words to vent them in; drunken losers cursed and roared; some

mounted on the tables, waving bottles above their heads and bidding defiance to the rest; some danced, some

sang, some tore the cards and raved. Tumult and frenzy reigned supreme; when a noise arose that drowned all

others, and two men, seizing each other by the throat, struggled into the middle of the room.

A dozen voices, until now unheard, called aloud to part them. Those who had kept themselves cool, to win,

and who earned their living in such scenes, threw themselves upon the combatants, and, forcing them

'Let me go!' cried Sir Mulberry, in a thick hoarse voice; 'he struck me! Do you hear? I say, he struck me.

'It will not be ample time!' cried Sir Mulberry. 'Tonight, at once, here!' His passion was so great, that he could

not articulate, but stood clenching his fist, tearing his hair, and stamping upon the ground.

'What is this, my lord?' said one of those who surrounded him. 'Have blows passed?'

'ONE blow has,' was the panting reply. 'I struck him. I proclaim it to all here! I struck him, and he knows

why. I say, with him, let this quarrel be adjusted now. Captain Adams,' said the young lord, looking hurriedly

about him, and addressing one of those who had interposed, 'let me speak with you, I beg.'

The person addressed stepped forward, and taking the young man's arm, they retired together, followed

It was a profligate haunt of the worst repute, and not a place in which such an affair was likely to awaken any

sympathy for either party, or to call forth any further remonstrance or interposition. Elsewhere, its further

progress would have been instantly prevented, and time allowed for sober and cool reflection; but not there.

Disturbed in their orgies, the party broke up; some reeled away with looks of tipsy gravity; others withdrew

noisily discussing what had just occurred; the gentlemen of honour who lived upon their winnings remarked

to each other, as they went out, that Hawk was a good shot; and those who had been most noisy, fell fast

Meanwhile, the two seconds, as they may be called now, after a long conference, each with his principal, met

together in another room. Both utterly heartless, both men upon town, both thoroughly initiated in its worst

vices, both deeply in debt, both fallen from some higher estate, both addicted to every depravity for which

society can find some genteel name and plead its most depraving conventionalities as an excuse, they were

naturally gentlemen of most unblemished honour themselves, and of great nicety concerning the honour of

These two gentlemen were unusually cheerful just now; for the affair was pretty certain to make some noise,

'Very,' returned the captain; 'a blow has been struck, and there is but one course, OF course.'

'Not a syllable, sir, from my man, if we talk till doomsday,' returned the captain. 'The original cause of

dispute, I understand, was some girl or other, to whom your principal applied certain terms, which Lord

Frederick, defending the girl, repelled. But this led to a long recrimination upon a great many sore subjects,

charges, and countercharges. Sir Mulberry was sarcastic; Lord Frederick was excited, and struck him in the

heat of provocation, and under circumstances of great aggravation. That blow, unless there is a full retraction

'There is no more to be said,' returned the other, 'but to settle the hour and the place of meeting. It's a

responsibility; but there is a strong feeling to have it over. Do you object to say at sunrise?'

'Sharp work,' replied the captain, referring to his watch; 'however, as this seems to have been a long time

'Something may possibly be said, out of doors, after what passed in the other room, which renders it desirable

that we should be off without delay, and quite clear of town,' said Mr Westwood. 'What do you say to one of

'Shall we join company in the avenue of trees which leads from Petersham to Ham House, and settle the exact

To this the captain also assented. After a few other preliminaries, equally brief, and having settled the road

'We shall just have comfortable time, my lord,' said the captain, when he had communicated the

arrangements, 'to call at my rooms for a case of pistols, and then jog coolly down. If you will allow me to

dismiss your servant, we'll take my cab; for yours, perhaps, might be recognised.'

What a contrast, when they reached the street, to the scene they had just left! It was already daybreak. For the

flaring yellow light within, was substituted the clear, bright, glorious morning; for a hot, close atmosphere,

tainted with the smell of expiring lamps, and reeking with the steams of riot and dissipation, the free, fresh,

wholesome air. But to the fevered head on which that cool air blew, it seemed to come laden with remorse for

time misspent and countless opportunities neglected. With throbbing veins and burning skin, eyes wild and

heavy, thoughts hurried and disordered, he felt as though the light were a reproach, and shrunk involuntarily

'It does strike cool, coming out of those hot rooms. Wrap that cloak about you. So, so; now we're off.'

They rattled through the quiet streets, made their call at the captain's lodgings, cleared the town, and emerged

Fields, trees, gardens, hedges, everything looked very beautiful; the young man scarcely seemed to have

noticed them before, though he had passed the same objects a thousand times. There was a peace and serenity

upon them all, strangely at variance with the bewilderment and confusion of his own halfsobered thoughts,

and yet impressive and welcome. He had no fear upon his mind; but, as he looked about him, he had less

anger; and though all old delusions, relative to his worthless late companion, were now cleared away, he

The past night, the day before, and many other days and nights beside, all mingled themselves up in one

unintelligible and senseless whirl; he could not separate the transactions of one time from those of another.

Now, the noise of the wheels resolved itself into some wild tune in which he could recognise scraps of airs he

knew; now, there was nothing in his ears but a stunning and bewildering sound, like rushing water. But his

companion rallied him on being so silent, and they talked and laughed boisterously. When they stopped, he

was a little surprised to find himself in the act of smoking; but, on reflection, he remembered when and where

They stopped at the avenue gate and alighted, leaving the carriage to the care of the servant, who was a smart

fellow, and nearly as well accustomed to such proceedings as his master. Sir Mulberry and his friend were

already there. All four walked in profound silence up the aisle of stately elm trees, which, meeting far above

their heads, formed a long green perspective of Gothic arches, terminating, like some old ruin, in the open

After a pause, and a brief conference between the seconds, they, at length, turned to the right, and taking a

track across a little meadow, passed Ham House and came into some fields beyond. In one of these, they

stopped. The ground was measured, some usual forms gone through, the two principals were placed front to

front at the distance agreed upon, and Sir Mulberry turned his face towards his young adversary for the first

time. He was very pale, his eyes were bloodshot, his dress disordered, and his hair dishevelled. For the face, it

expressed nothing but violent and evil passions. He shaded his eyes with his hand; grazed at his opponent,

steadfastly, for a few moments; and, then taking the weapon which was tendered to him, bent his eyes upon

The two shots were fired, as nearly as possible, at the same instant. In that instant, the young lord turned his

head sharply round, fixed upon his adversary a ghastly stare, and without a groan or stagger, fell down dead.

'He's gone!' cried Westwood, who, with the other second, had run up to the body, and fallen on one knee

'His blood on his own head,' said Sir Mulberry. 'He brought this upon himself, and forced it upon me.'

'Captain Adams,' cried Westwood, hastily, 'I call you to witness that this was fairly done. Hawk, we have not

a moment to lose. We must leave this place immediately, push for Brighton, and cross to France with all

speed. This has been a bad business, and may be worse, if we delay a moment. Adams, consult your own

With these words, he seized Sir Mulberry by the arm, and hurried him away. Captain Adamsonly pausing

to convince himself, beyond all question, of the fatal resultsped off in the same direction, to concert

measures with his servant for removing the body, and securing his own safety likewise.

So died Lord Frederick Verisopht, by the hand which he had loaded with gifts, and clasped a thousand times;

by the act of him, but for whom, and others like him, he might have lived a happy man, and died with

The sun came proudly up in all his majesty, the noble river ran its winding course, the leaves quivered and

rustled in the air, the birds poured their cheerful songs from every tree, the shortlived butterfly fluttered its

little wings; all the light and life of day came on; and, amidst it all, and pressing down the grass whose every

blade bore twenty tiny lives, lay the dead man, with his stark and rigid face turned upwards to the sky.

In an old house, dismal dark and dusty, which seemed to have withered, like himself, and to have grown

yellow and shrivelled in hoarding him from the light of day, as he had in hoarding his money, lived Arthur

Gride. Meagre old chairs and tables, of spare and bony make, and hard and cold as misers' hearts, were

ranged, in grim array, against the gloomy walls; attenuated presses, grown lank and lanternjawed in

guarding the treasures they enclosed, and tottering, as though from constant fear and dread of thieves, shrunk

up in dark corners, whence they cast no shadows on the ground, and seemed to hide and cower from

observation. A tall grim clock upon the stairs, with long lean hands and famished face, ticked in cautious

whispers; and when it struck the time, in thin and piping sounds, like an old man's voice, rattled, as if it were

No fireside couch was there, to invite repose and comfort. Elbow chairs there were, but they looked uneasy

in their minds, cocked their arms suspiciously and timidly, and kept upon their guard. Others, were

fantastically grim and gaunt, as having drawn themselves up to their utmost height, and put on their fiercest

looks to stare all comers out of countenance. Others, again, knocked up against their neighbours, or leant for

support against the wallsomewhat ostentatiously, as if to call all men to witness that they were not worth

the taking. The dark square lumbering bedsteads seemed built for restless dreams; the musty hangings

seemed to creep in scanty folds together, whispering among themselves, when rustled by the wind, their

trembling knowledge of the tempting wares that lurked within the dark and tightlocked closets.

From out the most spare and hungry room in all this spare and hungry house there came, one morning, the

tremulous tones of old Gride's voice, as it feebly chirruped forth the fag end of some forgotten song, of which

which he repeated, in the same shrill quavering notes, again and again, until a violent fit of coughing obliged

him to desist, and to pursue in silence, the occupation upon which he was engaged.

This occupation was, to take down from the shelves of a wormeaten wardrobe a quantity of frouzy

garments, one by one; to subject each to a careful and minute inspection by holding it up against the light,

and after folding it with great exactness, to lay it on one or other of two little heaps beside him. He never took

two articles of clothing out together, but always brought them forth, singly, and never failed to shut the

'The snuffcoloured suit,' said Arthur Gride, surveying a threadbare coat. 'Did I look well in snuffcolour?

The result of his cogitations appeared to be unfavourable, for he folded the garment once more, laid it aside,

Young, loving, and fair, Oh what happiness there! The wedding is sure to be lucky!

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'They always put in "young,"' said old Arthur, 'but songs are only written for the sake of rhyme, and this is a

silly one that the poor countrypeople sang, when I was a little boy. Though stopyoung is quite right

tooit means the brideyes. He, he, he! It means the bride. Oh dear, that's good. That's very good. And

In the satisfaction of this discovery, he went over the verse again, with increased expression, and a shake or

'The bottlegreen,' said old Arthur; 'the bottlegreen was a famous suit to wear, and I bought it very cheap at

a pawnbroker's, and there washe, he, he!a tarnished shilling in the waistcoat pocket. To think that the

pawnbroker shouldn't have known there was a shilling in it! I knew it! I felt it when I was examining the

quality. Oh, what a dull dog of a pawnbroker! It was a lucky suit too, this bottlegreen. The very day I put it

on first, old Lord Mallowford was burnt to death in his bed, and all the postobits fell in. I'll be married in the

This call, loudly repeated twice or thrice at the roomdoor, brought into the apartment a short, thin, weasen,

bleareyed old woman, palsystricken and hideously ugly, who, wiping her shrivelled face upon her dirty

'Was that you a calling, or only the clock a striking? My hearing gets so bad, I never know which is which;

but when I hear a noise, I know it must be one of you, because nothing else never stirs in the house.'

'Me, Peg, me,' said Arthur Gride, tapping himself on the breast to render the reply more intelligible.

'It's a deal too good to be married in, master,' rejoined Peg, after a short inspection of the suit. 'Haven't you

'Why not do?' retorted Peg. 'Why don't you wear your everyday clothes, like a maneh?'

Arthur Gride muttered an imprecation on his housekeeper's deafness, as he roared in her ear:

'Look?' cried Peg. 'If she's as handsome as you say she is, she won't look much at you, master, take your oath

of that; and as to how you look yourselfpepperandsalt, bottlegreen, skyblue, or tartanplaid will

CHAPTER 51. The Project of Mr Ralph Nickleby and his Friend approaching a successful Issue, becomes unexpectedly known to another Party, not admitted into their Confidence 447

With which consolatory assurance, Peg Sliderskew gathered up the chosen suit, and folding her skinny arms

upon the bundle, stood, mouthing, and grinning, and blinking her watery eyes, like an uncouth figure in some

'You're in a funny humour, an't you, Peg?' said Arthur, with not the best possible grace.

'Why, isn't it enough to make me?' rejoined the old woman. 'I shall, soon enough, be put out, though, if

anybody tries to domineer it over me: and so I give you notice, master. Nobody shall be put over Peg

Sliderskew's head, after so many years; you know that, and so I needn't tell you! That won't do for meno,

'Oh dear, dear, I shall never try it,' said Arthur Gride, appalled by the mention of the word, 'not for the world.

It would be very easy to ruin me; we must be very careful; more saving than ever, with another mouth to

feed. Only wewe mustn't let her lose her good looks, Peg, because I like to see 'em.'

'Take care you don't find good looks come expensive,' returned Peg, shaking her forefinger.

'But she can earn money herself, Peg,' said Arthur Gride, eagerly watching what effect his communication

produced upon the old woman's countenance: 'she can draw, paint, work all manner of pretty things for

ornamenting stools and chairs: slippers, Peg, watchguards, hairchains, and a thousand little dainty trifles

that I couldn't give you half the names of. Then she can play the piano, (and, what's more, she's got one), and

sing like a little bird. She'll be very cheap to dress and keep, Peg; don't you think she will?'

'A fool of ME!' exclaimed Arthur. 'Trust your old master not to be fooled by pretty faces, Peg; no, no,

nonor by ugly ones neither, Mrs Sliderskew,' he softly added by way of soliloquy.

'You're a saying something you don't want me to hear,' said Peg; 'I know you are.'

'Oh dear! the devil's in this woman,' muttered Arthur; adding with an ugly leer, 'I said I trusted everything to

Although he thought this very distinctly, he durst not move his lips lest the old woman should detect him. He

even seemed half afraid that she might have read his thoughts; for he leered coaxingly upon her, as he said

'Take up all loose stitches in the bottlegreen with the best black silk. Have a skein of the best, and some new

buttons for the coat, andthis is a good idea, Peg, and one you'll like, I knowas I have never given her

anything yet, and girls like such attentions, you shall polish up a sparking necklace that I have got upstairs,

and I'll give it her upon the wedding morningclasp it round her charming little neck myselfand take it

away again next day. He, he, he! I'll lock it up for her, Peg, and lose it. Who'll be made the fool of there, I

Mrs Sliderskew appeared to approve highly of this ingenious scheme, and expressed her satisfaction by

various rackings and twitchings of her head and body, which by no means enhanced her charms. These she

prolonged until she had hobbled to the door, when she exchanged them for a sour malignant look, and

CHAPTER 51. The Project of Mr Ralph Nickleby and his Friend approaching a successful Issue, becomes unexpectedly known to another Party, not admitted into their Confidence 448

twisting her underjaw from side to side, muttered hearty curses upon the future Mrs Gride, as she crept

'She's half a witch, I think,' said Arthur Gride, when he found himself again alone. 'But she's very frugal, and

she's very deaf. Her living costs me next to nothing; and it's no use her listening at keyholes; for she can't

hear. She's a charming womanfor the purpose; a most discreet old housekeeper, and worth her weight in

Having extolled the merits of his domestic in these high terms, old Arthur went back to the burden of his

song. The suit destined to grace his approaching nuptials being now selected, he replaced the others with no

less care than he had displayed in drawing them from the musty nooks where they had silently reposed for

Startled by a ring at the door, he hastily concluded this operation, and locked the press; but there was no need

for any particular hurry, as the discreet Peg seldom knew the bell was rung unless she happened to cast her

dim eyes upwards, and to see it shaking against the kitchen ceiling. After a short delay, however, Peg tottered

'Ah! Mr Noggs!' cried Arthur Gride, rubbing his hands. 'My good friend, Mr Noggs, what news do you bring

Newman, with a steadfast and immovable aspect, and his fixed eye very fixed indeed, replied, suiting the

Arthur opened the letter with trembling hands, and devoured its contents with the utmost greediness;

chuckling rapturously over it, and reading it several times, before he could take it from before his eyes. So

many times did he peruse and reperuse it, that Newman considered it expedient to remind him of his

'Quite right to remind me, Mr Noggs. Oh, very right indeed,' said Arthur. 'Yes. I'll write a line.

'No, Mr Noggs, thank you; good, good. The very best of news. Sit down. I'll get the pen and ink, and write a

line in answer. I'll not detain you long. I know you're a treasure to your master, Mr Noggs. He speaks of you

in such terms, sometimes, that, oh dear! you'd be astonished. I may say that I do too, and always did. I always

CHAPTER 51. The Project of Mr Ralph Nickleby and his Friend approaching a successful Issue, becomes unexpectedly known to another Party, not admitted into their Confidence 449

'That's "Curse Mr Noggs with all my heart!" then, if you do,' thought Newman, as Gride hurried out.

The letter had fallen on the ground. Looking carefully about him for an instant, Newman, impelled by

curiosity to know the result of the design he had overheard from his office closet, caught it up and rapidly

'I saw Bray again this morning, and proposed the day after tomorrow (as you suggested) for the marriage.

There is no objection on his part, and all days are alike to his daughter. We will go together, and you must be

'Make no further visits to the girl in the meantime. You have been there, of late, much oftener than you

should. She does not languish for you, and it might have been dangerous. Restrain your youthful ardour for

eightandforty hours, and leave her to the father. You only undo what he does, and does well.

A footstep was heard without. Newman dropped the letter on the same spot again, pressed it with his foot to

prevent its fluttering away, regained his seat in a single stride, and looked as vacant and unconscious as ever

mortal looked. Arthur Gride, after peering nervously about him, spied it on the ground, picked it up, and

sitting down to write, glanced at Newman Noggs, who was staring at the wall with an intensity so

'Do you see anything particular, Mr Noggs?' said Arthur, trying to follow the direction of Newman's

Newman appeared to derive great entertainment from this repartee, and to the great discomposure of Arthur

Gride's nerves, produced a series of sharp cracks from his fingerjoints, resembling the noise of a distant

discharge of small artillery. Arthur succeeded in finishing his reply to Ralph's note, nevertheless, and at

Newman gave a nod, put it in his hat, and was shuffling away, when Gride, whose doting delight knew no

bounds, beckoned him back again, and said, in a shrill whisper, and with a grin which puckered up his whole

CHAPTER 51. The Project of Mr Ralph Nickleby and his Friend approaching a successful Issue, becomes unexpectedly known to another Party, not admitted into their Confidence 450

In good fellowship (if Arthur Gride had been capable of it) Newman would not have drunk with him one

bubble of the richest wine that was ever made; but to see what he would be at, and to punish him as much as

Arthur Gride, therefore, again applied himself to the press, and from a shelf laden with tall Flemish

drinkingglasses, and quaint bottles: some with necks like so many storks, and others with square

Dutchbuilt bodies and short fat apoplectic throats: took down one dusty bottle of promising appearance, and

'You never tasted this,' said Arthur. 'It's EAUD'ORgolden water. I like it on account of its name. It's a

delicious name. Water of gold, golden water! O dear me, it seems quite a sin to drink it!'

As his courage appeared to be fast failing him, and he trifled with the stopper in a manner which threatened

the dismissal of the bottle to its old place, Newman took up one of the little glasses, and clinked it, twice or

thrice, against the bottle, as a gentle reminder that he had not been helped yet. With a deep sigh, Arthur Gride

'Stop, stop; don't drink it yet,' he said, laying his hand on Newman's; 'it was given to me, twenty years ago,

and when I take a little taste, which is very seldom, I like to think of it beforehand, and tease myself. We'll

'Ah!' said Newman, eyeing his little glass impatiently. 'Look sharp. Bearer waits.'

'Why, then, I'll tell you what,' tittered Arthur, 'we'll drinkhe, he, he!we'll drink a lady.'

'No, no, Mr Noggs,' replied Gride, arresting his hand, 'A lady. You wonder to hear me say A lady. I know you

do, I know you do. Here's little Madeline. That's the toast. Mr Noggs. Little Madeline!'

The rapidity and unconcern with which Newman dismissed his portion of the golden water, had a great effect

upon the old man, who sat upright in his chair, and gazed at him, openmouthed, as if the sight had taken

away his breath. Quite unmoved, however, Newman left him to sip his own at leisure, or to pour it back again

into the bottle, if he chose, and departed; after greatly outraging the dignity of Peg Sliderskew by brushing

Mr Gride and his housekeeper, immediately on being left alone, resolved themselves into a committee of

ways and means, and discussed the arrangements which should be made for the reception of the young bride.

As they were, like some other committees, extremely dull and prolix in debate, this history may pursue the

footsteps of Newman Noggs; thereby combining advantage with necessity; for it would have been necessary

to do so under any circumstances, and necessity has no law, as all the world knows.

'Bah!' cried Ralph impatiently. 'Give me his note, if he gave you one: his message, if he didn't. And don't go

CHAPTER 51. The Project of Mr Ralph Nickleby and his Friend approaching a successful Issue, becomes unexpectedly known to another Party, not admitted into their Confidence 451

Newman handed in the note, and looked very virtuous and innocent while his employer broke the seal, and

'He'll be sure to come,' muttered Ralph, as he tore it to pieces; 'why of course, I know he'll be sure to come.

What need to say that? Noggs! Pray, sir, what man was that, with whom I saw you in the street last night?'

'I tell you,' returned Newman boldly, 'that I don't know. He came here twice, and asked for you. You were

'What then? Why, then he lurked about and dogged me in the street. He follows me, night after night, and

urges me to bring him face to face with you; as he says he has been once, and not long ago either. He wants

'That it's no business of mine, and I won't. I told him he might catch you in the street, if that was all he

wanted, but no! that wouldn't do. You wouldn't hear a word there, he said. He must have you alone in a room

with the door locked, where he could speak without fear, and you'd soon change your tone, and hear him

'That's all I know,' said Newman. 'I say again, I don't know what man he is. I don't believe he knows himself.

'Well,' retored Newman, sulkily, 'don't expect me to know him too; that's all. You'll ask me, next, why I never

told you this before. What would you say, if I was to tell you all that people say of you? What do you call me

This was true enough; though the question which Newman anticipated, was, in fact, upon Ralph's lips at the

'He is an idle ruffian,' said Ralph; 'a vagabond from beyond the sea where he travelled for his crimes; a felon

let loose to run his neck into the halter; a swindler, who has the audacity to try his schemes on me who know

him well. The next time he tampers with you, hand him over to the police, for attempting to extort money by

lies and threats,d'ye hear?and leave the rest to me. He shall cool his heels in jail a little time, and I'll be

bound he looks for other folks to fleece, when he comes out. You mind what I say, do you?'

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Newman readily availed himself of the permission, and, shutting himself up in his little office, remained

there, in very serious cogitation, all day. When he was released at night, he proceeded, with all the expedition

he could use, to the city, and took up his old position behind the pump, to watch for Nicholas. For Newman

Noggs was proud in his way, and could not bear to appear as his friend, before the brothers Cheeryble, in the

He had not occupied this position many minutes, when he was rejoiced to see Nicholas approaching, and

darted out from his ambuscade to meet him. Nicholas, on his part, was no less pleased to encounter his friend,

'That's right,' rejoined Newman, 'and I of you. I couldn't help coming up, tonight. I say, I think I am going to

'I don't know what it may be, I don't know what it may not be,' said Newman; 'it's some secret in which your

uncle is concerned, but what, I've not yet been able to discover, although I have my strong suspicions. I'll not

'I think you are,' replied Newman. 'I have a crotchet in my head that it must be so. I have found out a man,

who plainly knows more than he cares to tell at once. And he has already dropped such hints to me as puzzle

meI say, as puzzle me,' said Newman, scratching his red nose into a state of violent inflammation, and

Admiring what could have wound his friend up to such a pitch of mystery, Nicholas endeavoured, by a series

of questions, to elucidate the cause; but in vain. Newman could not be drawn into any more explicit statement

than a repetition of the perplexities he had already thrown out, and a confused oration, showing, How it was

necessary to use the utmost caution; how the lynxeyed Ralph had already seen him in company with his

unknown correspondent; and how he had baffled the said Ralph by extreme guardedness of manner and

ingenuity of speech; having prepared himself for such a contingency from the first.

Remembering his companion's propensity,of which his nose, indeed, perpetually warned all beholders like

a beacon,Nicholas had drawn him into a sequestered tavern. Here, they fell to reviewing the origin and

progress of their acquaintance, as men sometimes do, and tracing out the little events by which it was most

'And that reminds me,' said Newman, 'that you never told me the young lady's real name.'

'It's the same!' cried Newman. 'Sad story! Can you stand idly by, and let that unnatural marriage take place

CHAPTER 51. The Project of Mr Ralph Nickleby and his Friend approaching a successful Issue, becomes unexpectedly known to another Party, not admitted into their Confidence 453

'Are you? Is she? Are you blind, deaf, senseless, dead?' said Newman. 'Do you know that within one day, by

means of your uncle Ralph, she will be married to a man as bad as he, and worse, if worse there is? Do you

know that, within one day, she will be sacrificed, as sure as you stand there alive, to a hoary wretcha devil

'Be careful what you say,' replied Nicholas. 'For Heaven's sake be careful! I am left here alone, and those who

'I never heard her name,' said Newman, choking with his energy. 'Why didn't you tell me? How was I to

It was not an easy task to arrive at this information; but, after a great quantity of extraordinary pantomime,

which in no way assisted it, Nicholas, who was almost as wild as Newman Noggs himself, forced the latter

Rage, astonishment, indignation, and a storm of passions, rushed through the listener's heart, as the plot was

laid bare. He no sooner understood it all, than with a face of ashy paleness, and trembling in every limb, he

'Stop him!' cried Newman, bolting out in pursuit. 'He'll be doing something desperate; he'll murder

Finding that Newman was determined to arrest his progress at any hazard, and apprehensive that some

wellintentioned passenger, attracted by the cry of 'Stop thief,' might lay violent hands upon his person, and

place him in a disagreeable predicament from which he might have some difficulty in extricating himself,

Nicholas soon slackened his pace, and suffered Newman Noggs to come up with him: which he did, in so

breathless a condition, that it seemed impossible he could have held out for a minute longer.

'I will go straight to Bray's,' said Nicholas. 'I will see this man. If there is a feeling of humanity lingering in

his breast, a spark of consideration for his own child, motherless and friendless as she is, I will awaken it.'

'Then,' said Nicholas, pressing onward, 'I will act upon my first impulse, and go straight to Ralph Nickleby.'

'You are the best of friends to me, Newman,' rejoined Nicholas after a pause, and taking his hand as he spoke.

CHAPTER 52. Nicholas despairs of rescuing Madeline Bray, but plucks up his Spirits again, and determines to attempt it. Domestic Intelligence of the Kenwigses and Lillyvicks 454

'I have made head against many trials; but the misery of another, and such misery, is involved in this one, that

In truth, it did seem a hopeless case. It was impossible to make any use of such intelligence as Newman

Noggs had gleaned, when he lay concealed in the closet. The mere circumstance of the compact between

Ralph Nickleby and Gride would not invalidate the marriage, or render Bray averse to it, who, if he did not

actually know of the existence of some such understanding, doubtless suspected it. What had been hinted

with reference to some fraud on Madeline, had been put, with sufficient obscurity by Arthur Gride, but

coming from Newman Noggs, and obscured still further by the smoke of his pocketpistol, it became wholly

'The greater necessity for coolness, for reason, for consideration, for thought,' said Newman, pausing at every

alternate word, to look anxiously in his friend's face. 'Where are the brothers?'

'Is there no way of communicating with them? No way of getting one of them here by tomorrow night?'

'Impossible!' said Nicholas, 'the sea is between us and them. With the fairest winds that ever blew, to go and

'What could either do, that I cannot?' rejoined Nicholas. 'With reference to them, especially, I am enjoined to

the strictest silence on this subject. What right have I to betray the confidence reposed in me, when nothing

'There is none,' said Nicholas, in utter dejection. 'Not one. The father urges, the daughter consents. These

demons have her in their toils; legal right, might, power, money, and every influence are on their side. How

'Hope to the last!' said Newman, clapping him on the back. 'Always hope; that's a dear boy. Never leave off

hoping; it don't answer. Do you mind me, Nick? It don't answer. Don't leave a stone unturned. It's always

something, to know you've done the most you could. But, don't leave off hoping, or it's of no use doing

Nicholas needed encouragement. The suddenness with which intelligence of the two usurers' plans had come

upon him, the little time which remained for exertion, the probability, almost amounting to certainty itself,

that a few hours would place Madeline Bray for ever beyond his reach, consign her to unspeakable misery,

and perhaps to an untimely death; all this quite stunned and overwhelmed him. Every hope connected with

her that he had suffered himself to form, or had entertained unconsciously, seemed to fall at his feet, withered

and dead. Every charm with which his memory or imagination had surrounded her, presented itself before

him, only to heighten his anguish and add new bitterness to his despair. Every feeling of sympathy for her

forlorn condition, and of admiration for her heroism and fortitude, aggravated the indignation which shook

But, if Nicholas's own heart embarrassed him, Newman's came to his relief. There was so much earnestness

CHAPTER 52. Nicholas despairs of rescuing Madeline Bray, but plucks up his Spirits again, and determines to attempt it. Domestic Intelligence of the Kenwigses and Lillyvicks 455

in his remonstrance, and such sincerity and fervour in his manner, odd and ludicrous as it always was, that it

imparted to Nicholas new firmness, and enabled him to say, after he had walked on for some little way in

'You read me a good lesson, Newman, and I will profit by it. One step, at least, I may takeam bound to

'What is that?' asked Noggs wistfully. 'Not to threaten Ralph? Not to see the father?'

'To see the daughter, Newman,' replied Nicholas. 'To do what, after all, is the utmost that the brothers could

do, if they were here, as Heaven send they were! To reason with her upon this hideous union, to point out to

her all the horrors to which she is hastening; rashly, it may be, and without due reflection. To entreat her, at

least, to pause. She can have had no counsellor for her good. Perhaps even I may move her so far yet, though

'And I do declare,' cried Nicholas, with honest enthusiasm, 'that in this effort I am influenced by no selfish or

personal considerations, but by pity for her, and detestation and abhorrence of this scheme; and that I would

do the same, were there twenty rivals in the field, and I the last and least favoured of them all.'

'Homewards,' answered Nicholas. 'Do you come with me, or I shall say goodnight?'

'I cannot walk tonight, Newman,' returned Nicholas, hurriedly. 'I must move rapidly, or I could not draw my

Without waiting for a reply, he darted off at a rapid pace, and, plunging into the crowds which thronged the

'He's a violent youth at times,' said Newman, looking after him; 'and yet like him for it. There's cause enough

now, or the deuce is in it. Hope! I SAID hope, I think! Ralph Nickleby and Gride with their heads together!

It was with a very melancholy laugh that Newman Noggs concluded this soliloquy; and it was with a very

melancholy shake of the head, and a very rueful countenance, that he turned about, and went plodding on his

This, under ordinary circumstances, would have been to some small tavern or dramshop; that being his way,

in more senses than one. But, Newman was too much interested, and too anxious, to betake himself even to

this resource, and so, with many desponding and dismal reflections, went straight home.

It had come to pass, that afternoon, that Miss Morleena Kenwigs had received an invitation to repair next day,

per steamer from Westminster Bridge, unto the Eelpie Island at Twickenham: there to make merry upon a

cold collation, bottled beer, shrub, and shrimps, and to dance in the open air to the music of a locomotive

band, conveyed thither for the purpose: the steamer being specially engaged by a dancingmaster of

extensive connection for the accommodation of his numerous pupils, and the pupils displaying their

appreciation of the dancingmaster's services, by purchasing themselves, and inducing their friends to do the

CHAPTER 52. Nicholas despairs of rescuing Madeline Bray, but plucks up his Spirits again, and determines to attempt it. Domestic Intelligence of the Kenwigses and Lillyvicks 456

like, divers light blue tickets, entitling them to join the expedition. Of these light blue tickets, one had been

presented by an ambitious neighbour to Miss Morleena Kenwigs, with an invitation to join her daughters; and

Mrs Kenwigs, rightly deeming that the honour of the family was involved in Miss Morleena's making the

most splendid appearance possible on so short a notice, and testifying to the dancingmaster that there were

other dancingmasters besides him, and to all fathers and mothers present that other people's children could

learn to be genteel besides theirs, had fainted away twice under the magnitude of her preparations, but,

upheld by a determination to sustain the family name or perish in the attempt, was still hard at work when

Now, between the italianironing of frills, the flouncing of trousers, the trimming of frocks, the faintings and

the comingsto again, incidental to the occasion, Mrs Kenwigs had been so entirely occupied, that she had

not observed, until within half an hour before, that the flaxen tails of Miss Morleena's hair were, in a manner,

run to seed; and that, unless she were put under the hands of a skilful hairdresser, she never could achieve

that signal triumph over the daughters of all other people, anything less than which would be tantamount to

defeat. This discovery drove Mrs Kenwigs to despair; for the hairdresser lived three streets and eight

dangerous crossings off; Morleena could not be trusted to go there alone, even if such a proceeding were

strictly proper: of which Mrs Kenwigs had her doubts; Mr Kenwigs had not returned from business; and there

was nobody to take her. So, Mrs Kenwigs first slapped Miss Kenwigs for being the cause of her vexation, and

'You ungrateful child!' said Mrs Kenwigs, 'after I have gone through what I have, this night, for your good.'

'Don't talk to me, you naughty thing!' said Mrs Kenwigs, 'don't! Even if I was to trust you by yourself and you

were to escape being run over, I know you'd run in to Laura Chopkins,' who was the daughter of the

ambitious neighbour, 'and tell her what you're going to wear tomorrow, I know you would. You've no proper

Deploring the evilmindedness of her eldest daughter in these terms, Mrs Kenwigs distilled fresh drops of

vexation from her eyes, and declared that she did believe there never was anybody so tried as she was.

Matters were at this point, as Newman Noggs was heard to limp past the door on his way upstairs; when Mrs

Kenwigs, gaining new hope from the sound of his footsteps, hastily removed from her countenance as many

traces of her late emotion as were effaceable on so short a notice: and presenting herself before him, and

representing their dilemma, entreated that he would escort Morleena to the hairdresser's shop.

'I wouldn't ask you, Mr Noggs,' said Mrs Kenwigs, 'if I didn't know what a good, kindhearted creature you

are; no, not for worlds. I am a weak constitution, Mr Noggs, but my spirit would no more let me ask a favour

where I thought there was a chance of its being refused, than it would let me submit to see my children

Newman was too goodnatured not to have consented, even without this avowal of confidence on the part of

Mrs Kenwigs. Accordingly, a very few minutes had elapsed, when he and Miss Morleena were on their way

It was not exactly a hairdresser's; that is to say, people of a coarse and vulgar turn of mind might have called

it a barber's; for they not only cut and curled ladies elegantly, and children carefully, but shaved gentlemen

easily. Still, it was a highly genteel establishmentquite firstrate in factand there were displayed in the

window, besides other elegancies, waxen busts of a light lady and a dark gentleman which were the

CHAPTER 52. Nicholas despairs of rescuing Madeline Bray, but plucks up his Spirits again, and determines to attempt it. Domestic Intelligence of the Kenwigses and Lillyvicks 457

admiration of the whole neighbourhood. Indeed, some ladies had gone so far as to assert, that the dark

gentleman was actually a portrait of the spirted young proprietor; and the great similarity between their

headdressesboth wore very glossy hair, with a narrow walk straight down the middle, and a profusion of

flat circular curls on both sidesencouraged the idea. The better informed among the sex, however, made

light of this assertion, for however willing they were (and they were very willing) to do full justice to the

handsome face and figure of the proprietor, they held the countenance of the dark gentleman in the window to

be an exquisite and abstract idea of masculine beauty, realised sometimes, perhaps, among angels and

It was to this establishment that Newman Noggs led Miss Kenwigs in safety. The proprietor, knowing that

Miss Kenwigs had three sisters, each with two flaxen tails, and all good for sixpence apiece, once a month at

least, promptly deserted an old gentleman whom he had just lathered for shaving, and handing him over to

the journeyman, (who was not very popular among the ladies, by reason of his obesity and middle age,)

Just as this change had been effected, there presented himself for shaving, a big, burly, goodhumoured

coalheaver with a pipe in his mouth, who, drawing his hand across his chin, requested to know when a

The journeyman, to whom this question was put, looked doubtfully at the young proprietor, and the young

'Why, I see you a shaving of a baker, when I was a looking through the winder, last week,' said the

'It's necessary to draw the line somewheres, my fine feller,' replied the principal. 'We draw the line there. We

can't go beyond bakers. If we was to get any lower than bakers, our customers would desert us, and we might

shut up shop. You must try some other establishment, sir. We couldn't do it here.'

The applicant stared; grinned at Newman Noggs, who appeared highly entertained; looked slightly round the

shop, as if in depreciation of the pomatum pots and other articles of stock; took his pipe out of his mouth and

The old gentleman who had just been lathered, and who was sitting in a melancholy manner with his face

turned towards the wall, appeared quite unconscious of this incident, and to be insensible to everything

around him in the depth of a reveriea very mournful one, to judge from the sighs he occasionally

ventedin which he was absorbed. Affected by this example, the proprietor began to clip Miss Kenwigs, the

journeyman to scrape the old gentleman, and Newman Noggs to read last Sunday's paper, all three in silence:

when Miss Kenwigs uttered a shrill little scream, and Newman, raising his eyes, saw that it had been elicited

by the circumstance of the old gentleman turning his head, and disclosing the features of Mr Lillyvick the

The features of Mr Lillyvick they were, but strangely altered. If ever an old gentleman had made a point of

appearing in public, shaved close and clean, that old gentleman was Mr Lillyvick. If ever a collector had

borne himself like a collector, and assumed, before all men, a solemn and portentous dignity as if he had the

CHAPTER 52. Nicholas despairs of rescuing Madeline Bray, but plucks up his Spirits again, and determines to attempt it. Domestic Intelligence of the Kenwigses and Lillyvicks 458

world on his books and it was all two quarters in arrear, that collector was Mr Lillyvick. And now, there he

sat, with the remains of a beard at least a week old encumbering his chin; a soiled and crumpled shirtfrill

crouching, as it were, upon his breast, instead of standing boldly out; a demeanour so abashed and drooping,

so despondent, and expressive of such humiliation, grief, and shame; that if the souls of forty unsubstantial

housekeepers, all of whom had had their water cut off for nonpayment of the rate, could have been

concentrated in one body, that one body could hardly have expressed such mortification and defeat as were

Newman Noggs uttered his name, and Mr Lillyvick groaned: then coughed to hide it. But the groan was a

'Matter, sir!' cried Mr Lillyvick. 'The plug of life is dry, sir, and but the mud is left.'

This speechthe style of which Newman attributed to Mr Lillyvick's recent association with theatrical

charactersnot being quite explanatory, Newman looked as if he were about to ask another question, when

Mr Lillyvick prevented him by shaking his hand mournfully, and then waving his own.

'Let me be shaved!' said Mr Lillyvick. 'It shall be done before Morleena; it IS Morleena, isn't it?'

'It ain't a very nasty one,' returned Newman, rather embarrassed by the question.

'Susan Kenwigs used to say,' observed the collector, 'that if ever she had another boy, she hoped it might be

This was a puzzling inquiry; but Newman evaded it, by replying to Mr Lillyvick, that he thought the baby

'I should be glad to have somebody like me, somehow,' said Mr Lillyvick, 'before I die.'

Unto which Mr Lillyvick replied in a solemn voice, 'Let me be shaved!' and again consigning himself to the

This was remarkable behaviour. So remarkable did it seem to Miss Morleena, that that young lady, at the

imminent hazard of having her ear sliced off, had not been able to forbear looking round, some score of

times, during the foregoing colloquy. Of her, however, Mr Lillyvick took no notice: rather striving (so, at

least, it seemed to Newman Noggs) to evade her observation, and to shrink into himself whenever he

attracted her regards. Newman wondered very much what could have occasioned this altered behaviour on

the part of the collector; but, philosophically reflecting that he would most likely know, sooner or later, and

that he could perfectly afford to wait, he was very little disturbed by the singularity of the old gentleman's

CHAPTER 52. Nicholas despairs of rescuing Madeline Bray, but plucks up his Spirits again, and determines to attempt it. Domestic Intelligence of the Kenwigses and Lillyvicks 459

The cutting and curling being at last concluded, the old gentleman, who had been some time waiting, rose to

go, and, walking out with Newman and his charge, took Newman's arm, and proceeded for some time

without making any observation. Newman, who in power of taciturnity was excelled by few people, made no

attempt to break silence; and so they went on, until they had very nearly reached Miss Morleena's home,

'Ah!' replied Mr Lillyvick, with another groan; this time not even disguised by a wheeze.

'It made ma cry when she knew it,' interposed Miss Morleena, 'but we kept it from her for a long time; and pa

was very low in his spirits, but he is better now; and I was very ill, but I am better too.'

'Would you give your greatuncle Lillyvick a kiss if he was to ask you, Morleena?' said the collector, with

'Yes; uncle Lillyvick, I would,' returned Miss Morleena, with the energy of both her parents combined; 'but

Immediately upon the utterance of these words, Mr Lillyvick caught Miss Morleena up in his arms, and

kissed her; and, being by this time at the door of the house where Mr Kenwigs lodged (which, as has been

before mentioned, usually stood wide open), he walked straight up into Mr Kenwigs's sittingroom, and put

Miss Morleena down in the midst. Mr and Mrs Kenwigs were at supper. At sight of their perjured relative,

'Sir,' said Mr Kenwigs, 'the time has been, when I was proud to shake hands with such a man as that man as

now surweys me. The time has been, sir,' said Mr Kenwigs, 'when a wisit from that man has excited in me

and my family's boozums sensations both nateral and awakening. But, now, I look upon that man with

emotions totally surpassing everythink, and I ask myself where is his Honour, where is his

'Susan Kenwigs,' said Mr Lillyvick, turning humbly to his niece, 'don't you say anything to me?'

'She is not equal to it, sir,' said Mr Kenwigs, striking the table emphatically. 'What with the nursing of a

healthy babby, and the reflections upon your cruel conduct, four pints of malt liquor a day is hardly able to

'I am glad,' said the poor collector meekly, 'that the baby is a healthy one. I am very glad of that.'

This was touching the Kenwigses on their tenderest point. Mrs Kenwigs instantly burst into tears, and Mr

CHAPTER 52. Nicholas despairs of rescuing Madeline Bray, but plucks up his Spirits again, and determines to attempt it. Domestic Intelligence of the Kenwigses and Lillyvicks 460

'My pleasantest feeling, all the time that child was expected,' said Mr Kenwigs, mournfully, 'was a thinking,

"If it's a boy, as I hope it may be; for I have heard its uncle Lillyvick say again and again he would prefer our

having a boy next, if it's a boy, what will his uncle Lillyvick say? What will he like him to be called? Will he

be Peter, or Alexander, or Pompey, or Diorgeenes, or what will he be?" And now when I look at him; a

precious, unconscious, helpless infant, with no use in his little arms but to tear his little cap, and no use in his

little legs but to kick his little selfwhen I see him a lying on his mother's lap, cooing and cooing, and, in his

innocent state, almost a choking hisself with his little fistwhen I see him such a infant as he is, and think

that that uncle Lillyvick, as was once agoing to be so fond of him, has withdrawed himself away, such a

feeling of wengeance comes over me as no language can depicter, and I feel as if even that holy babe was a

This affecting picture moved Mrs Kenwigs deeply. After several imperfect words, which vainly attempted to

struggle to the surface, but were drowned and washed away by the strong tide of her tears, she spake.

'Uncle,' said Mrs Kenwigs, 'to think that you should have turned your back upon me and my dear children,

and upon Kenwigs which is the author of their beingyou who was once so kind and affectionate, and who,

if anybody had told us such a thing of, we should have withered with scorn like lightningyou that little

Lillyvick, our first and earliest boy, was named after at the very altar! Oh gracious!'

'Was it money that we cared for?' said Mr Kenwigs. 'Was it property that we ever thought of?'

'My feelings have been lancerated,' said Mrs Kenwigs, 'my heart has been torn asunder with anguish, I have

been thrown back in my confinement, my unoffending infant has been rendered uncomfortable and fractious,

Morleena has pined herself away to nothing; all this I forget and forgive, and with you, uncle, I never can

quarrel. But never ask me to receive HER, never do it, uncle. For I will not, I will not, I won't, I won't, I

'Yes,' shrieked Mrs Kenwigs, 'I will consider my child! I will consider my child! My own child, that no

uncles can deprive me of; my own hated, despised, deserted, cutoff little child.' And, here, the emotions of

Mrs Kenwigs became so violent, that Mr Kenwigs was fain to administer hartshorn internally, and vinegar

externally, and to destroy a staylace, four petticoat strings, and several small buttons.

Newman had been a silent spectator of this scene; for Mr Lillyvick had signed to him not to withdraw, and

Mr Kenwigs had further solicited his presence by a nod of invitation. When Mrs Kenwigs had been, in some

degree, restored, and Newman, as a person possessed of some influence with her, had remonstrated and

'I never shall ask anybody here to receive myI needn't mention the word; you know what I mean. Kenwigs

'Eloped with a halfpay captain,' repeated Mr Lillyvick, 'basely and falsely eloped with a halfpay captain.

With a bottlenosed captain that any man might have considered himself safe from. It was in this room,' said

Mr Lillyvick, looking sternly round, 'that I first see Henrietta Petowker. It is in this room that I turn her off,

CHAPTER 52. Nicholas despairs of rescuing Madeline Bray, but plucks up his Spirits again, and determines to attempt it. Domestic Intelligence of the Kenwigses and Lillyvicks 461

This declaration completely changed the whole posture of affairs. Mrs Kenwigs threw herself upon the old

gentleman's neck, bitterly reproaching herself for her late harshness, and exclaiming, if she had suffered,

what must his sufferings have been! Mr Kenwigs grasped his hand, and vowed eternal friendship and

remorse. Mrs Kenwigs was horrorstricken to think that she should ever have nourished in her bosom such a

snake, adder, viper, serpent, and base crocodile as Henrietta Petowker. Mr Kenwigs argued that she must

have been bad indeed not to have improved by so long a contemplation of Mrs Kenwigs's virtue. Mrs

Kenwigs remembered that Mr Kenwigs had often said that he was not quite satisfied of the propriety of Miss

Petowker's conduct, and wondered how it was that she could have been blinded by such a wretch. Mr

Kenwigs remembered that he had had his suspicions, but did not wonder why Mrs Kenwigs had not had hers,

as she was all chastity, purity, and truth, and Henrietta all baseness, falsehood, and deceit. And Mr and Mrs

Kenwigs both said, with strong feelings and tears of sympathy, that everything happened for the best; and

conjured the good collector not to give way to unavailing grief, but to seek consolation in the society of those

'Out of affection and regard for you, Susan and Kenwigs,' said Mr Lillyvick, 'and not out of revenge and spite

against her, for she is below it, I shall, tomorrow morning, settle upon your children, and make payable to the

survivors of them when they come of age of marry, that money that I once meant to leave 'em in my will. The

deed shall be executed tomorrow, and Mr Noggs shall be one of the witnesses. He hears me promise this, and

Overpowered by this noble and generous offer, Mr Kenwigs, Mrs Kenwigs, and Miss Morleena Kenwigs, all

began to sob together; and the noise of their sobbing, communicating itself to the next room, where the

children lay abed, and causing them to cry too, Mr Kenwigs rushed wildly in, and bringing them out in his

arms, by two and two, tumbled them down in their nightcaps and gowns at the feet of Mr Lillyvick, and

'And now,' said Mr Lillyvick, when a heartrending scene had ensued and the children were cleared away

again, 'give me some supper. This took place twenty mile from town. I came up this morning, and have being

lingering about all day, without being able to make up my mind to come and see you. I humoured her in

everything, she had her own way, she did just as she pleased, and now she has done this. There was twelve

teaspoons and twentyfour pound in sovereignsI missed them firstit's a trialI feel I shall never be

able to knock a double knock again, when I go my roundsdon't say anything more about it, pleasethe

With such muttered outpourings as these, the old gentleman shed a few tears; but, they got him into the

elbowchair, and prevailed upon him, without much pressing, to make a hearty supper, and by the time he

had finished his first pipe, and disposed of halfadozen glasses out of a crown bowl of punch, ordered by

Mr Kenwigs, in celebration of his return to the bosom of his family, he seemed, though still very humble,

quite resigned to his fate, and rather relieved than otherwise by the flight of his wife.

'When I see that man,' said Mr Kenwigs, with one hand round Mrs Kenwigs's waist: his other hand

supporting his pipe (which made him wink and cough very much, for he was no smoker): and his eyes on

Morleena, who sat upon her uncle's knee, 'when I see that man as mingling, once again, in the spear which he

adorns, and see his affections deweloping themselves in legitimate sitiwations, I feel that his nature is as

elewated and expanded, as his standing afore society as a public character is unimpeached, and the woices of

my infant children purvided for in life, seem to whisper to me softly, "This is an ewent at which Evins itself

CHAPTER 52. Nicholas despairs of rescuing Madeline Bray, but plucks up his Spirits again, and determines to attempt it. Domestic Intelligence of the Kenwigses and Lillyvicks 462

With that settled resolution, and steadiness of purpose to which extreme circumstances so often give birth,

acting upon far less excitable and more sluggish temperaments than that which was the lot of Madeline Bray's

admirer, Nicholas started, at dawn of day, from the restless couch which no sleep had visited on the previous

night, and prepared to make that last appeal, by whose slight and fragile thread her only remaining hope of

Although, to restless and ardent minds, morning may be the fitting season for exertion and activity, it is not

always at that time that hope is strongest or the spirit most sanguine and buoyant. In trying and doubtful

positions, youth, custom, a steady contemplation of the difficulties which surround us, and a familiarity with

them, imperceptibly diminish our apprehensions and beget comparative indifference, if not a vague and

reckless confidence in some relief, the means or nature of which we care not to foresee. But when we come,

fresh, upon such things in the morning, with that dark and silent gap between us and yesterday; with every

link in the brittle chain of hope, to rivet afresh; our hot enthusiasm subdued, and cool calm reason substituted

in its stead; doubt and misgiving revive. As the traveller sees farthest by day, and becomes aware of rugged

mountains and trackless plains which the friendly darkness had shrouded from his sight and mind together,

so, the wayfarer in the toilsome path of human life sees, with each returning sun, some new obstacle to

surmount, some new height to be attained. Distances stretch out before him which, last night, were scarcely

taken into account, and the light which gilds all nature with its cheerful beams, seems but to shine upon the

So thought Nicholas, when, with the impatience natural to a situation like his, he softly left the house, and,

feeling as though to remain in bed were to lose most precious time, and to be up and stirring were in some

way to promote the end he had in view, wandered into London; perfectly well knowing that for hours to come

he could not obtain speech with Madeline, and could do nothing but wish the intervening time away.

And, even now, as he paced the streets, and listlessly looked round on the gradually increasing bustle and

preparation for the day, everything appeared to yield him some new occasion for despondency. Last night, the

sacrifice of a young, affectionate, and beautiful creature, to such a wretch, and in such a cause, had seemed a

thing too monstrous to succeed; and the warmer he grew, the more confident he felt that some interposition

must save her from his clutches. But now, when he thought how regularly things went on, from day to day, in

the same unvarying round; how youth and beauty died, and ugly griping age lived tottering on; how crafty

avarice grew rich, and manly honest hearts were poor and sad; how few they were who tenanted the stately

houses, and how many of those who lay in noisome pens, or rose each day and laid them down each night,

and lived and died, father and son, mother and child, race upon race, and generation upon generation, without

a home to shelter them or the energies of one single man directed to their aid; how, in seeking, not a luxurious

and splendid life, but the bare means of a most wretched and inadequate subsistence, there were women and

children in that one town, divided into classes, numbered and estimated as regularly as the noble families and

folks of great degree, and reared from infancy to drive most criminal and dreadful trades; how ignorance was

punished and never taught; how jaildoors gaped, and gallows loomed, for thousands urged towards them by

circumstances darkly curtaining their very cradles' heads, and but for which they might have earned their

honest bread and lived in peace; how many died in soul, and had no chance of life; how many who could

scarcely go astray, be they vicious as they would, turned haughtily from the crushed and stricken wretch who

could scarce do otherwise, and who would have been a greater wonder had he or she done well, than even

they had they done ill; how much injustice, misery, and wrong, there was, and yet how the world rolled on,

from year to year, alike careless and indifferent, and no man seeking to remedy or redress it; when he thought

of all this, and selected from the mass the one slight case on which his thoughts were bent, he felt, indeed,

that there was little ground for hope, and little reason why it should not form an atom in the huge aggregate of

CHAPTER 53. Containing the further Progress of the Plot contrived by Mr Ralph Nickleby and Mr Arthur Gride 463

distress and sorrow, and add one small and unimportant unit to swell the great amount.

But youth is not prone to contemplate the darkest side of a picture it can shift at will. By dint of reflecting on

what he had to do, and reviving the train of thought which night had interrupted, Nicholas gradually

summoned up his utmost energy, and when the morning was sufficiently advanced for his purpose, had no

thought but that of using it to the best advantage. A hasty breakfast taken, and such affairs of business as

required prompt attention disposed of, he directed his steps to the residence of Madeline Bray: whither he lost

It had occurred to him that, very possibly, the young lady might be denied, although to him she never had

been; and he was still pondering upon the surest method of obtaining access to her in that case, when, coming

to the door of the house, he found it had been left ajarprobably by the last person who had gone out. The

occasion was not one upon which to observe the nicest ceremony; therefore, availing himself of this

advantage, Nicholas walked gently upstairs and knocked at the door of the room into which he had been

accustomed to be shown. Receiving permission to enter, from some person on the other side, he opened the

Bray and his daughter were sitting there alone. It was nearly three weeks since he had seen her last, but there

was a change in the lovely girl before him which told Nicholas, in startling terms, how much mental suffering

had been compressed into that short time. There are no words which can express, nothing with which can be

compared, the perfect pallor, the clear transparent whiteness, of the beautiful face which turned towards him

when he entered. Her hair was a rich deep brown, but shading that face, and straying upon a neck that rivalled

it in whiteness, it seemed by the strong contrast raven black. Something of wildness and restlessness there

was in the dark eye, but there was the same patient look, the same expression of gentle mournfulness which

he well remembered, and no trace of a single tear. Most beautifulmore beautiful, perhaps, than everthere

was something in her face which quite unmanned him, and appeared far more touching than the wildest

agony of grief. It was not merely calm and composed, but fixed and rigid, as though the violent effort which

had summoned that composure beneath her father's eye, while it mastered all other thoughts, had prevented

even the momentary expression they had communicated to the features from subsiding, and had fastened it

The father sat opposite to her; not looking directly in her face, but glancing at her, as he talked with a gay air

which ill disguised the anxiety of his thoughts. The drawing materials were not on their accustomed table, nor

were any of the other tokens of her usual occupations to be seen. The little vases which Nicholas had always

seen filled with fresh flowers were empty, or supplied only with a few withered stalks and leaves. The bird

was silent. The cloth that covered his cage at night was not removed. His mistress had forgotten him.

There are times when, the mind being painfully alive to receive impressions, a great deal may be noted at a

glance. This was one, for Nicholas had but glanced round him when he was recognised by Mr Bray, who said

'Now, sir, what do you want? Name your errand here, quickly, if you please, for my daughter and I are busily

engaged with other and more important matters than those you come about. Come, sir, address yourself to

Nicholas could very well discern that the irritability and impatience of this speech were assumed, and that

Bray, in his heart, was rejoiced at any interruption which promised to engage the attention of his daughter. He

bent his eyes involuntarily upon the father as he spoke, and marked his uneasiness; for he coloured and turned

The device, however, so far as it was a device for causing Madeline to interfere, was successful. She rose,

CHAPTER 53. Containing the further Progress of the Plot contrived by Mr Ralph Nickleby and Mr Arthur Gride 464

and advancing towards Nicholas paused halfway, and stretched out her hand as expecting a letter.

'Miss Bray expects an inclosure perhaps,' said Nicholas, speaking very distinctly, and with an emphasis she

could scarcely misunderstand. 'My employer is absent from England, or I should have brought a letter with

'If that is all you come about, sir,' said Mr Bray, 'you may make yourself easy on that head. Madeline, my

'I suppose you think now,' said Bray, wheeling his chair round and confronting Nicholas, 'that, but for such

pitiful sums as you bring here, because my daughter has chosen to employ her time as she has, we should

'You have not thought about it!' sneered the invalid. 'You know you HAVE thought about it, and have

thought that, and think so every time you come here. Do you suppose, young man, that I don't know what

little purseproud tradesmen are, when, through some fortunate circumstances, they get the upper hand for a

'With a gentleman's daughter, sir,' returned the sick man, 'and the pettifogging spirit is the same. But perhaps

Nicholas understood the tone of triumph in which this interrogatory was put; but remembering the necessity

of supporting his assumed character, produced a scrap of paper purporting to contain a list of some subjects

for drawings which his employer desired to have executed; and with which he had prepared himself in case of

'Then you may tell your master,' said Bray, tossing the paper back again, with an exulting smile, 'that my

daughter, Miss Madeline Bray, condescends to employ herself no longer in such labours as these; that she is

not at his beck and call, as he supposes her to be; that we don't live upon his money, as he flatters himself we

do; that he may give whatever he owes us, to the first beggar that passes his shop, or add it to his own profits

next time he calculates them; and that he may go to the devil for me. That's my acknowledgment of his

'And this is the independence of a man who sells his daughter as he has sold that weeping girl!' thought

The father was too much absorbed with his own exultation to mark the look of scorn which, for an instant,

Nicholas could not have suppressed had he been upon the rack. 'There,' he continued, after a short silence,

'you have your message and can retireunless you have any furtherha!any further orders.'

CHAPTER 53. Containing the further Progress of the Plot contrived by Mr Ralph Nickleby and Mr Arthur Gride 465

'I have none,' said Nicholas; 'nor, in the consideration of the station you once held, have I used that or any

other word which, however harmless in itself, could be supposed to imply authority on my part or

dependence on yours. I have no orders, but I have fears fears that I will express, chafe as you mayfears

that you may be consigning that young lady to something worse than supporting you by the labour of her

hands, had she worked herself dead. These are my fears, and these fears I found upon your own demeanour.

'For Heaven's sake!' cried Madeline, interposing in alarm between them. 'Remember, sir, he is ill.'

'Ill!' cried the invalid, gasping and catching for breath. 'Ill! Ill! I am bearded and bullied by a shopboy, and

He fell into a paroxysm of his disorder, so violent that for a few moments Nicholas was alarmed for his life;

but finding that he began to recover, he withdrew, after signifying by a gesture to the young lady that he had

something important to communicate, and would wait for her outside the room. He could hear that the sick

man came gradually, but slowly, to himself, and that without any reference to what had just occurred, as

though he had no distinct recollection of it as yet, he requested to be left alone.

'Oh!' thought Nicholas, 'that this slender chance might not be lost, and that I might prevail, if it were but for

'You are charged with some commission to me, sir,' said Madeline, presenting herself in great agitation. 'Do

'It will be too latetoo late for what I have to say,' rejoined Nicholas, 'and you will not be here. Oh, madam,

if you have but one thought of him who sent me here, but one last lingering care for your own peace of mind

'A hearing,' said Nicholas. 'I ask you but to hear me: not me alone, but him for whom I speak, who is far away

The poor attendant, with her eyes swollen and red with weeping, stood by; and to her Nicholas appealed in

such passionate terms that she opened a sidedoor, and, supporting her mistress into an adjoining room,

'I cannot, will not leave you thus,' returned Nicholas. 'I have a duty to discharge; and, either here, or in the

room from which we have just now come, at whatever risk or hazard to Mr Bray, I must beseech you to

'What course is this you speak of, and impelled by whom, sir?' demanded the young lady, with an effort to

'I speak of this marriage,' returned Nicholas, 'of this marriage, fixed for tomorrow, by one who never faltered

in a bad purpose, or lent his aid to any good design; of this marriage, the history of which is known to me,

better, far better, than it is to you. I know what web is wound about you. I know what men they are from

whom these schemes have come. You are betrayed and sold for money; for gold, whose every coin is rusted

with tears, if not red with the blood of ruined men, who have fallen desperately by their own mad hands.'

CHAPTER 53. Containing the further Progress of the Plot contrived by Mr Ralph Nickleby and Mr Arthur Gride 466

'You say you have a duty to discharge,' said Madeline, 'and so have I. And with the help of Heaven I will

'Say rather with the help of devils,' replied Nicholas, 'with the help of men, one of them your destined

'I must not hear this,' cried the young lady, striving to repress a shudder, occasioned, as it seemed, even by

this slight allusion to Arthur Gride. 'This evil, if evil it be, has been of my own seeking. I am impelled to this

course by no one, but follow it of my own free will. You see I am not constrained or forced. Report this,' said

Madeline, 'to my dear friend and benefactor, and, taking with you my prayers and thanks for him and for

'Not until I have besought you, with all the earnestness and fervour by which I am animated,' cried Nicholas,

'to postpone this marriage for one short week. Not until I have besought you to think more deeply than you

can have done, influenced as you are, upon the step you are about to take. Although you cannot be fully

conscious of the villainy of this man to whom you are about to give your hand, some of his deeds you know.

You have heard him speak, and have looked upon his face. Reflect, reflect, before it is too late, on the

mockery of plighting to him at the altar, faith in which your heart can have no shareof uttering solemn

words, against which nature and reason must rebelof the degradation of yourself in your own esteem,

which must ensue, and must be aggravated every day, as his detested character opens upon you more and

more. Shrink from the loathsome companionship of this wretch as you would from corruption and disease.

Suffer toil and labour if you will, but shun him, shun him, and be happy. For, believe me, I speak the truth;

the most abject poverty, the most wretched condition of human life, with a pure and upright mind, would be

Long before Nicholas ceased to speak, the young lady buried her face in her hands, and gave her tears free

way. In a voice at first inarticulate with emotion, but gradually recovering strength as she proceeded, she

'I will not disguise from you, sirthough perhaps I oughtthat I have undergone great pain of mind, and

have been nearly broken hearted since I saw you last. I do NOT love this gentleman. The difference

between our ages, tastes, and habits, forbids it. This he knows, and knowing, still offers me his hand. By

accepting it, and by that step alone, I can release my father who is dying in this place; prolong his life,

perhaps, for many years; restore him to comfortI may almost call it affluence; and relieve a generous man

from the burden of assisting one, by whom, I grieve to say, his noble heart is little understood. Do not think

so poorly of me as to believe that I feign a love I do not feel. Do not report so ill of me, for THAT I could not

bear. If I cannot, in reason or in nature, love the man who pays this price for my poor hand, I can discharge

the duties of a wife: I can be all he seeks in me, and will. He is content to take me as I am. I have passed my

word, and should rejoice, not weep, that it is so. I do. The interest you take in one so friendless and forlorn as

I, the delicacy with which you have discharged your trust, the faith you have kept with me, have my warmest

thanks: and, while I make this last feeble acknowledgment, move me to tears, as you see. But I do not repent,

nor am I unhappy. I am happy in the prospect of all I can achieve so easily. I shall be more so when I look

'Your tears fall faster as you talk of happiness,' said Nicholas, 'and you shun the contemplation of that dark

future which must be laden with so much misery to you. Defer this marriage for a week. For but one week!'

'He was talking, when you came upon us just now, with such smiles as I remember to have seen of old, and

have not seen for many and many a day, of the freedom that was to come tomorrow,' said Madeline, with

momentary firmness, 'of the welcome change, the fresh air: all the new scenes and objects that would bring

fresh life to his exhausted frame. His eye grew bright, and his face lightened at the thought. I will not defer it

CHAPTER 53. Containing the further Progress of the Plot contrived by Mr Ralph Nickleby and Mr Arthur Gride 467

'I'll hear no more,' said Madeline, hurriedly; 'I have heard too muchmore than I shouldalready. What I

have said to you, sir, I have said as to that dear friend to whom I trust in you honourably to repeat it. Some

time hence, when I am more composed and reconciled to my new mode of life, if I should live so long, I will

write to him. Meantime, all holy angels shower blessings on his head, and prosper and preserve him.'

She was hurrying past Nicholas, when he threw himself before her, and implored her to think, but once again,

'There is no retreat,' said Nicholas, in an agony of supplication; 'no withdrawing! All regret will be

unavailing, and deep and bitter it must be. What can I say, that will induce you to pause at this last moment?

'Nothing,' she incoherently replied. 'This is the hardest trial I have had. Have mercy on me, sir, I beseech, and

do not pierce my heart with such appeals as these. II hear him calling. II must not, will not, remain

'If this were a plot,' said Nicholas, with the same violent rapidity with which she spoke, 'a plot, not yet laid

bare by me, but which, with time, I might unravel; if you were (not knowing it) entitled to fortune of your

own, which, being recovered, would do all that this marriage can accomplish, would you not retract?'

'No, no, no! It is impossible; it is a child's tale. Time would bring his death. He is calling again!'

'It may be the last time we shall ever meet on earth,' said Nicholas, 'it may be better for me that we should

'For both, for both,' replied Madeline, not heeding what she said. 'The time will come when to recall the

memory of this one interview might drive me mad. Be sure to tell them, that you left me calm and happy.

She was gone. Nicholas, staggering from the house, thought of the hurried scene which had just closed upon

him, as if it were the phantom of some wild, unquiet dream. The day wore on; at night, having been enabled

That night, being the last of Arthur Gride's bachelorship, found him in tiptop spirits and great glee. The

bottlegreen suit had been brushed, ready for the morrow. Peg Sliderskew had rendered the accounts of her

past housekeeping; the eighteenpence had been rigidly accounted for (she was never trusted with a larger

sum at once, and the accounts were not usually balanced more than twice a day); every preparation had been

made for the coming festival; and Arthur might have sat down and contemplated his approaching happiness,

but that he preferred sitting down and contemplating the entries in a dirty old vellumbook with rusty clasps.

'Welladay!' he chuckled, as sinking on his knees before a strong chest screwed down to the floor, he thrust

in his arm nearly up to the shoulder, and slowly drew forth this greasy volume. 'Welladay now, this is all

my library, but it's one of the most entertaining books that were ever written! It's a delightful book, and all

true and realthat's the best of ittrue as the Bank of England, and real as its gold and silver. Written by

Arthur Gride. He, he, he! None of your storybook writers will ever make as good a book as this, I warrant

me. It's composed for private circulation, for my own particular reading, and nobody else's. He, he, he!'

CHAPTER 53. Containing the further Progress of the Plot contrived by Mr Ralph Nickleby and Mr Arthur Gride 468

Muttering this soliloquy, Arthur carried his precious volume to the table, and, adjusting it upon a dusty desk,

'It's a large sum to Mr Nickleby,' he said, in a dolorous voice. 'Debt to be paid in full, nine hundred and

seventyfive, four, three. Additional sum as per bond, five hundred pound. One thousand, four hundred and

seventyfive pounds, four shillings, and threepence, tomorrow at twelve o'clock. On the other side, though,

there's the PER CONTRA, by means of this pretty chick. But, again, there's the question whether I mightn't

have brought all this about, myself. "Faint heart never won fair lady." Why was my heart so faint? Why didn't

I boldly open it to Bray myself, and save one thousand four hundred and seventyfive, four, three?'

These reflections depressed the old usurer so much, as to wring a feeble groan or two from his breast, and

cause him to declare, with uplifted hands, that he would die in a workhouse. Remembering on further

cogitation, however, that under any circumstances he must have paid, or handsomely compounded for,

Ralph's debt, and being by no means confident that he would have succeeded had he undertaken his

enterprise alone, he regained his equanimity, and chattered and mowed over more satisfactory items, until the

'It's the fowl,' replied Peg, holding up a plate containing a little, a very little one. Quite a phenomenon of a

'A beautiful bird!' said Arthur, after inquiring the price, and finding it proportionate to the size. 'With a rasher

of ham, and an egg made into sauce, and potatoes, and greens, and an apple pudding, Peg, and a little bit of

cheese, we shall have a dinner for an emperor. There'll only be she and meand you, Peg, when we've done.'

'I am afraid we must live expensively for the first week,' returned Arthur, with a groan, 'and then we must

make up for it. I won't eat more than I can help, and I know you love your old master too much to eat more

'Oh, dear, I wish the devil had this woman!' cried Arthur: 'love him too much to eat more than you can help at

'Oh dear! she can never hear the most important word, and hears all the others!' whined Gride. 'At his

The lastmentioned tribute to the charms of Mrs Sliderskew being uttered in a whisper, that lady assented to

the general proposition by a harsh growl, which was accompanied by a ring at the street door.

CHAPTER 53. Containing the further Progress of the Plot contrived by Mr Ralph Nickleby and Mr Arthur Gride 469

Arthur Gride in reply repeated the word 'bell' as loud as he could roar; and, his meaning being rendered

further intelligible to Mrs Sliderskew's dull sense of hearing by pantomime expressive of ringing at a

streetdoor, Peg hobbled out, after sharply demanding why he hadn't said there was a ring before, instead of

talking about all manner of things that had nothing to do with it, and keeping her halfpint of beer waiting on

'There's a change come over you, Mrs Peg,' said Arthur, following her out with his eyes. 'What it means I

don't quite know; but, if it lasts, we shan't agree together long I see. You are turning crazy, I think. If you are,

you must take yourself off, Mrs Pegor be taken off. All's one to me.' Turning over the leaves of his book as

he muttered this, he soon lighted upon something which attracted his attention, and forgot Peg Sliderskew

The room had no other light than that which it derived from a dim and dirtclogged lamp, whose lazy wick,

being still further obscured by a dark shade, cast its feeble rays over a very little space, and left all beyond in

heavy shadow. This lamp the moneylender had drawn so close to him, that there was only room between it

and himself for the book over which he bent; and as he sat, with his elbows on the desk, and his sharp

cheekbones resting on his hands, it only served to bring out his ugly features in strong relief, together with

the little table at which he sat, and to shroud all the rest of the chamber in a deep sullen gloom. Raising his

eyes, and looking vacantly into this gloom as he made some mental calculation, Arthur Gride suddenly met

'Thieves! thieves!' shrieked the usurer, starting up and folding his book to his breast. 'Robbers! Murder!'

'Yes, yes,' cried Arthur Gride, shading his eyes with his hand, 'it is a man, and not a spirit. It is a man.

'For what are these cries raised? Unless indeed you know me, and have some purpose in your brain?' said the

'What then, and how come you here?' cried Gride, somewhat reassured, but still retreating from his visitor:

'My name you need not know,' was the reply. 'I came here, because I was shown the way by your servant. I

have addressed you twice or thrice, but you were too profoundly engaged with your book to hear me, and I

have been silently waiting until you should be less abstracted. What I want I will tell you, when you can

Arthur Gride, venturing to regard his visitor more attentively, and perceiving that he was a young man of

good mien and bearing, returned to his seat, and muttering that there were bad characters about, and that this,

CHAPTER 53. Containing the further Progress of the Plot contrived by Mr Ralph Nickleby and Mr Arthur Gride 470

with former attempts upon his house, had made him nervous, requested his visitor to sit down. This, however,

'Good God! I don't stand up to have you at an advantage,' said Nicholas (for Nicholas it was), as he observed

a gesture of alarm on the part of Gride. 'Listen to me. You are to be married tomorrow morning.'

'No matter how,' replied Nicholas, 'I know it. The young lady who is to give you her hand hates and despises

you. Her blood runs cold at the mention of your name; the vulture and the lamb, the rat and the dove, could

Gride looked at him as if he were petrified with astonishment, but did not speak; perhaps lacking the power.

'You and another man, Ralph Nickleby by name, have hatched this plot between you,' pursued Nicholas. 'You

pay him for his share in bringing about this sale of Madeline Bray. You do. A lie is trembling on your lips, I

'You pay yourself by defrauding her. How or by what meansfor I scorn to sully her cause by falsehood or

deceitI do not know; at present I do not know, but I am not alone or singlehanded in this business. If the

energy of man can compass the discovery of your fraud and treachery before your death; if wealth, revenge,

and just hatred, can hunt and track you through your windings; you will yet be called to a dear account for

this. We are on the scent already; judge you, who know what we do not, when we shall have you down!'

'If you were a man to whom I could appeal with any hope of touching his compassion or humanity,' said

Nicholas, 'I would urge upon you to remember the helplessness, the innocence, the youth, of this lady; her

worth and beauty, her filial excellence, and last, and more than all, as concerning you more nearly, the appeal

she has made to your mercy and your manly feeling. But, I take the only ground that can be taken with men

like you, and ask what money will buy you off. Remember the danger to which you are exposed. You see I

know enough to know much more with very little help. Bate some expected gain for the risk you save, and

Old Arthur Gride moved his lips, but they only formed an ugly smile and were motionless again.

'You think,' said Nicholas, 'that the price would not be paid. Miss Bray has wealthy friends who would coin

their very hearts to save her in such a strait as this. Name your price, defer these nuptials for but a few days,

When Nicholas began, Arthur Gride's impression was, that Ralph Nickleby had betrayed him; but, as he

proceeded, he felt convinced that however he had come by the knowledge he possessed, the part he acted was

a genuine one, and that with Ralph he had no concern. All he seemed to know, for certain, was, that he,

Gride, paid Ralph's debt; but that, to anybody who knew the circumstances of Bray's detentioneven to

Bray himself, on Ralph's own statementmust be perfectly notorious. As to the fraud on Madeline herself,

his visitor knew so little about its nature or extent, that it might be a lucky guess, or a haphazard accusation.

Whether or no, he had clearly no key to the mystery, and could not hurt him who kept it close within his own

breast. The allusion to friends, and the offer of money, Gride held to be mere empty vapouring, for purposes

of delay. 'And even if money were to be had,' thought Arthur Glide, as he glanced at Nicholas, and trembled

CHAPTER 53. Containing the further Progress of the Plot contrived by Mr Ralph Nickleby and Mr Arthur Gride 471

with passion at his boldness and audacity, 'I'd have that dainty chick for my wife, and cheat YOU of her,

Long habit of weighing and noting well what clients said, and nicely balancing chances in his mind and

calculating odds to their faces, without the least appearance of being so engaged, had rendered Gride quick in

forming conclusions, and arriving, from puzzling, intricate, and often contradictory premises, at very cunning

deductions. Hence it was that, as Nicholas went on, he followed him closely with his own constructions, and,

when he ceased to speak, was as well prepared as if he had deliberated for a fortnight.

'I hear you,' he cried, starting from his seat, casting back the fastenings of the windowshutters, and throwing

'I'll cry robbers, thieves, murder, alarm the neighbourhood, struggle with you, let loose some blood, and

swear you came to rob me, if you don't quit my house,' replied Gride, drawing in his head with a frightful

'YOU'LL bring your threats here, will you?' said Gride, whom jealousy of Nicholas and a sense of his own

triumph had converted into a perfect fiend. 'You, the disappointed lover? Oh dear! He! he! he! But you shan't

have her, nor she you. She's my wife, my doting little wife. Do you think she'll miss you? Do you think she'll

weep? I shall like to see her weep, I shan't mind it. She looks prettier in tears.'

'One minute more,' cried Arthur Gride, 'and I'll rouse the street with such screams, as, if they were raised by

'Oh yes!' sneered Arthur Gride, 'If I was but a younger man it wouldn't be so bad; but for me, so old and ugly!

'Hear me,' said Nicholas, 'and be thankful I have enough command over myself not to fling you into the

street, which no aid could prevent my doing if I once grappled with you. I have been no lover of this lady's.

No contract or engagement, no word of love, has ever passed between us. She does not even know my name.'

'I'll ask it for all that. I'll beg it of her with kisses,' said Arthur Gride. 'Yes, and she'll tell me, and pay them

back, and we'll laugh together, and hug ourselves, and be very merry, when we think of the poor youth that

This taunt brought such an expression into the face of Nicholas, that Arthur Gride plainly apprehended it to

be the forerunner of his putting his threat of throwing him into the street in immediate execution; for he thrust

his head out of the window, and holding tight on with both hands, raised a pretty brisk alarm. Not thinking it

necessary to abide the issue of the noise, Nicholas gave vent to an indignant defiance, and stalked from the

room and from the house. Arthur Gride watched him across the street, and then, drawing in his head, fastened

'If she ever turns pettish or illhumoured, I'll taunt her with that spark,' he said, when he had recovered.

CHAPTER 53. Containing the further Progress of the Plot contrived by Mr Ralph Nickleby and Mr Arthur Gride 472

'She'll little think I know about him; and, if I manage it well, I can break her spirit by this means and have her

under my thumb. I'm glad nobody came. I didn't call too loud. The audacity to enter my house, and open upon

me! But I shall have a very good triumph tomorrow, and he'll be gnawing his fingers off: perhaps drown

himself or cut his throat! I shouldn't wonder! That would make it quite complete, that would: quite.'

When he had become restored to his usual condition by these and other comments on his approaching

triumph, Arthur Gride put away his book, and, having locked the chest with great caution, descended into the

kitchen to warn Peg Sliderskew to bed, and scold her for having afforded such ready admission to a stranger.

The unconscious Peg, however, not being able to comprehend the offence of which she had been guilty, he

summoned her to hold the light, while he made a tour of the fastenings, and secured the streetdoor with his

'Top bolt,' muttered Arthur, fastening as he spoke, 'bottom bolt, chain, bar, double lock, and key out to put

under my pillow! So, if any more rejected admirers come, they may come through the keyhole. And now I'll

With that, he jocularly tapped Mrs Sliderskew under the chin, and appeared, for the moment, inclined to

celebrate the close of his bachelor days by imprinting a kiss on her shrivelled lips. Thinking better of it,

however, he gave her chin another tap, in lieu of that warmer familiarity, and stole away to bed.

There are not many men who lie abed too late, or oversleep themselves, on their wedding morning. A legend

there is of somebody remarkable for absence of mind, who opened his eyes upon the day which was to give

him a young wife, and forgetting all about the matter, rated his servants for providing him with such fine

clothes as had been prepared for the festival. There is also a legend of a young gentleman, who, not having

before his eyes the fear of the canons of the church for such cases made and provided, conceived a passion

for his grandmother. Both cases are of a singular and special kind and it is very doubtful whether either can

be considered as a precedent likely to be extensively followed by succeeding generations.

Arthur Gride had enrobed himself in his marriage garments of bottle green, a full hour before Mrs

Sliderskew, shaking off her more heavy slumbers, knocked at his chamber door; and he had hobbled

downstairs in full array and smacked his lips over a scanty taste of his favourite cordial, ere that delicate

'Faugh!' said Peg, grubbing, in the discharge of her domestic functions, among a scanty heap of ashes in the

rusty grate. 'Wedding indeed! A precious wedding! He wants somebody better than his old Peg to take care of

him, does he? And what has he said to me, many and many a time, to keep me content with short food, small

wages, and little fire? "My will, Peg! my will!" says he: "I'm a bachelorno friendsno relations, Peg."

Lies! And now he's to bring home a new mistress, a babyfaced chit of a girl! If he wanted a wife, the fool,

why couldn't he have one suitable to his age, and that knew his ways? She won't come in MY way, he says.

While Mrs Sliderskew, influenced possibly by some lingering feelings of disappointment and personal slight,

occasioned by her old master's preference for another, was giving loose to these grumblings below stairs,

Arthur Gride was cogitating in the parlour upon what had taken place last night.

'I can't think how he can have picked up what he knows,' said Arthur, 'unless I have committed myselflet

something drop at Bray's, for instancewhich has been overheard. Perhaps I may. I shouldn't be surprised if

that was it. Mr Nickleby was often angry at my talking to him before we got outside the door. I mustn't tell

him that part of the business, or he'll put me out of sorts, and make me nervous for the day.'

Ralph was universally looked up to, and recognised among his fellows as a superior genius, but upon Arthur

Gride his stern unyielding character and consummate art had made so deep an impression, that he was

actually afraid of him. Cringing and cowardly to the core by nature, Arthur Gride humbled himself in the dust

before Ralph Nickleby, and, even when they had not this stake in common, would have licked his shoes and

crawled upon the ground before him rather than venture to return him word for word, or retort upon him in

To Ralph Nickleby's, Arthur Gride now betook himself according to appointment; and to Ralph Nickleby he

related how, last night, some young blustering blade, whom he had never seen, forced his way into his house,

and tried to frighten him from the proposed nuptials. Told, in short, what Nicholas had said and done, with

'He tried to frighten you,' said Ralph, 'and you WERE frightened I suppose; is that it?'

'I frightened HIM by crying thieves and murder,' replied Gride. 'Once I was in earnest, I tell you that, for I

had more than half a mind to swear he uttered threats, and demanded my life or my money.'

'Why do you make those grimaces, man?' said Ralph; 'you ARE jealous and with good cause I think.'

'No, no, no; not with good cause, hey? You don't think with good cause, do you?' cried Arthur, faltering. 'Do

'Why, how stands the fact?' returned Ralph. 'Here is an old man about to be forced in marriage upon a girl;

and to this old man there comes a handsome young fellowyou said he was handsome, didn't you?'

'Oh!' rejoined Ralph, 'I thought you did. Well! Handsome or not handsome, to this old man there comes a

young fellow who casts all manner of fierce defiances in his teethgums I should rather say and tells him

in plain terms that his mistress hates him. What does he do that for? Philanthropy's sake?'

'Not for love of the lady,' replied Gride, 'for he said that no word of lovehis very wordshad ever passed

'He said!' repeated Ralph, contemptuously. 'But I like him for one thing, and that is, his giving you this fair

warning to keep your what is it?Tittit or dainty chickwhich?under lock and key. Be careful,

Gride, be careful. It's a triumph, too, to tear her away from a gallant young rival: a great triumph for an old

'What a man it is!' cried Arthur Gride, affecting, in the extremity of his torture, to be highly amused. And then

he added, anxiously, 'Yes; to keep her safe, that's all. And that isn't much, is it?'

'Much!' said Ralph, with a sneer. 'Why, everybody knows what easy things to understand and to control,

women are. But come, it's very nearly time for you to be made happy. You'll pay the bond now, I suppose, to

'Why not?' said Ralph. 'Nobody will pay you interest for the money, I suppose, between this and twelve

'But nobody would pay you interest for it either, you know,' returned Arthur, leering at Ralph with all the

'Besides which,' said Ralph, suffering his lip to curl into a smile, 'you haven't the money about you, and you

weren't prepared for this, or you'd have brought it with you; and there's nobody you'd so much like to

accommodate as me. I see. We trust each other in about an equal degree. Are you ready?'

Gride, who had done nothing but grin, and nod, and chatter, during this last speech of Ralph's, answered in

the affirmative; and, producing from his hat a couple of large white favours, pinned one on his breast, and

with considerable difficulty induced his friend to do the like. Thus accoutred, they got into a hired coach

which Ralph had in waiting, and drove to the residence of the fair and most wretched bride.

Gride, whose spirits and courage had gradually failed him more and more as they approached nearer and

nearer to the house, was utterly dismayed and cowed by the mournful silence which pervaded it. The face of

the poor servant girl, the only person they saw, was disfigured with tears and want of sleep. There was

nobody to receive or welcome them; and they stole upstairs into the usual sittingroom, more like two

'One would think,' said Ralph, speaking, in spite of himself, in a low and subdued voice, 'that there was a

'I need be,' remarked Ralph, drily, 'for this is rather dull and chilling. Look a little brisker, man, and not so

'Yes, yes, I will,' said Gride. 'Butbutyou don't think she's coming just yet, do you?'

'Why, I suppose she'll not come till she is obliged,' returned Ralph, looking at his watch, 'and she has a good

'IIam not impatient,' stammered Arthur. 'I wouldn't be hard with her for the world. Oh dear, dear, not on

any account. Let her take her timeher own time. Her time shall be ours by all means.'

While Ralph bent upon his trembling friend a keen look, which showed that he perfectly understood the

reason of this great consideration and regard, a footstep was heard upon the stairs, and Bray himself came

into the room on tiptoe, and holding up his hand with a cautious gesture, as if there were some sick person

'Hush!' he said, in a low voice. 'She was very ill last night. I thought she would have broken her heart. She is

dressed, and crying bitterly in her own room; but she's better, and quite quiet. That's everything!'

'And not likely to delay us by any younglady weaknessesfainting, or so forth?' said Ralph.

'She may be safely trusted now,' returned Bray. 'I have been talking to her this morning. Here! Come a little

He drew Ralph Nickleby to the further end of the room, and pointed towards Gride, who sat huddled together

in a corner, fumbling nervously with the buttons of his coat, and exhibiting a face, of which every skulking

and base expression was sharpened and aggravated to the utmost by his anxiety and trepidation.

'Look at that man,' whispered Bray, emphatically. 'This seems a cruel thing, after all.'

'What seems a cruel thing?' inquired Ralph, with as much stolidity of face, as if he really were in utter

Ralph shrugged his shoulders, in silent deprecation of Bray's impatience, and elevated his eyebrows, and

pursed his lips, as men do when they are prepared with a sufficient answer to some remark, but wait for a

more favourable opportunity of advancing it, or think it scarcely worth while to answer their adversary at all.

'I say it does,' retorted Bray, with a show of much irritation. 'It is a cruel thing, by all that's bad and

When men are about to commit, or to sanction the commission of some injustice, it is not uncommon for

them to express pity for the object either of that or some parallel proceeding, and to feel themselves, at the

time, quite virtuous and moral, and immensely superior to those who express no pity at all. This is a kind of

upholding of faith above works, and is very comfortable. To do Ralph Nickleby justice, he seldom practised

this sort of dissimulation; but he understood those who did, and therefore suffered Bray to say, again and

again, with great vehemence, that they were jointly doing a very cruel thing, before he again offered to

'You see what a dry, shrivelled, withered old chip it is,' returned Ralph, when the other was at length silent. 'If

he were younger, it might be cruel, but as it isharkee, Mr Bray, he'll die soon, and leave her a rich young

widow! Miss Madeline consults your tastes this time; let her consult her own next.'

'True, true,' said Bray, biting his nails, and plainly very ill at ease. 'I couldn't do anything better for her than

advise her to accept these proposals, could I? Now, I ask you, Nickleby, as a man of the world; could I?'

'Surely not,' answered Ralph. 'I tell you what, sir; there are a hundred fathers, within a circuit of five miles

from this place; well off; good, rich, substantial men; who would gladly give their daughters, and their own

'So there are!' exclaimed Bray, eagerly catching at anything which seemed a justification of himself. 'And so I

'You told her truth,' said Ralph, 'and did well to do so; though I must say, at the same time, that if I had a

daughter, and my freedom, pleasure, nay, my very health and life, depended on her taking a husband whom I

pointed out, I should hope it would not be necessary to advance any other arguments to induce her to consent

Bray looked at Ralph as if to see whether he spoke in earnest, and having nodded twice or thrice in

'I must go upstairs for a few minutes, to finish dressing. When I come down, I'll bring Madeline with me. Do

you know, I had a very strange dream last night, which I have not remembered till this instant. I dreamt that it

was this morning, and you and I had been talking as we have been this minute; that I went upstairs, for the

very purpose for which I am going now; and that as I stretched out my hand to take Madeline's, and lead her

down, the floor sunk with me, and after falling from such an indescribable and tremendous height as the

'And you awoke, and found you were lying on your back, or with your head hanging over the bedside, or

suffering some pain from indigestion?' said Ralph. 'Pshaw, Mr Bray! Do as I do (you will have the

opportunity, now that a constant round of pleasure and enjoyment opens upon you), and, occupying yourself

Ralph followed him, with a steady look, to the door; and, turning to the bridegroom, when they were again

'Mark my words, Gride, you won't have to pay HIS annuity very long. You have the devil's luck in bargains,

always. If he is not booked to make the long voyage before many months are past and gone, I wear an orange

To this prophecy, so agreeable to his ears, Arthur returned no answer than a cackle of great delight. Ralph,

throwing himself into a chair, they both sat waiting in profound silence. Ralph was thinking, with a sneer

upon his lips, on the altered manner of Bray that day, and how soon their fellowship in a bad design had

lowered his pride and established a familiarity between them, when his attentive ear caught the rustling of a

'Wake up,' he said, stamping his foot impatiently upon the ground, 'and be something like life, man, will you?

Gride shambled forward, and stood, leering and bowing, close by Ralph's side, when the door opened and

there entered in hastenot Bray and his daughter, but Nicholas and his sister Kate.

If some tremendous apparition from the world of shadows had suddenly presented itself before him, Ralph

Nickleby could not have been more thunderstricken than he was by this surprise. His hands fell powerless

by his side, he reeled back; and with open mouth, and a face of ashy paleness, stood gazing at them in

speechless rage: his eyes so prominent, and his face so convulsed and changed by the passions which raged

within him, that it would have been difficult to recognise in him the same stern, composed, hardfeatured

'The man that came to me last night,' whispered Gride, plucking at his elbow. 'The man that came to me last

'I see,' muttered Ralph, 'I know! I might have guessed as much before. Across my every path, at every turn,

The absence of all colour from the face; the dilated nostril; the quivering of the lips which, though set firmly

against each other, would not be still; showed what emotions were struggling for the mastery with Nicholas.

But he kept them down, and gently pressing Kate's arm to reassure her, stood erect and undaunted, front to

As the brother and sister stood side by side, with a gallant bearing which became them well, a close likeness

between them was apparent, which many, had they only seen them apart, might have failed to remark. The

air, carriage, and very look and expression of the brother were all reflected in the sister, but softened and

refined to the nicest limit of feminine delicacy and attraction. More striking still was some indefinable

resemblance, in the face of Ralph, to both. While they had never looked more handsome, nor he more ugly;

while they had never held themselves more proudly, nor he shrunk half so low; there never had been a time

when this resemblance was so perceptible, or when all the worst characteristics of a face rendered coarse and

'Away!' was the first word he could utter as he literally gnashed his teeth. 'Away! What brings you here? Liar,

'I come here,' said Nicholas in a low deep voice, 'to save your victim if I can. Liar and scoundrel you are, in

every action of your life; theft is your trade; and double dastard you must be, or you were not here today.

Hard words will not move me, nor would hard blows. Here I stand, and will, till I have done my errand.'

'Girl!' said Ralph, 'retire! We can use force to him, but I would not hurt you if I could help it. Retire, you

'I will not retire,' cried Kate, with flashing eyes and the red blood mantling in her cheeks. 'You will do him no

hurt that he will not repay. You may use force with me; I think you will, for I AM a girl, and that would well

become you. But if I have a girl's weakness, I have a woman's heart, and it is not you who in a cause like this

'To offer to the unhappy subject of your treachery, at this last moment,' replied Nicholas, 'a refuge and a

home. If the near prospect of such a husband as you have provided will not prevail upon her, I hope she may

be moved by the prayers and entreaties of one of her own sex. At all events they shall be tried. I myself,

avowing to her father from whom I come and by whom I am commissioned, will render it an act of greater

baseness, meanness, and cruelty in him if he still dares to force this marriage on. Here I wait to see him and

his daughter. For this I came and brought my sister even into your presence. Our purpose is not to see or

His niece's bosom heaved with the indignant excitement into which he had lashed her, but she gave him no

'Now, Gride, see here,' said Ralph. 'This fellowI grieve to say my brother's son: a reprobate and profligate,

stained with every mean and selfish crimethis fellow, coming here today to disturb a solemn ceremony,

and knowing that the consequence of his presenting himself in another man's house at such a time, and

persisting in remaining there, must be his being kicked into the streets and dragged through them like the

vagabond he isthis fellow, mark you, brings with him his sister as a protection, thinking we would not

expose a silly girl to the degradation and indignity which is no novelty to him; and, even after I have warned

her of what must ensue, he still keeps her by him, as you see, and clings to her apronstrings like a cowardly

boy to his mother's. Is not this a pretty fellow to talk as big as you have heard him now?'

'And as I heard him last night,' said Arthur Gride; 'as I heard him last night when he sneaked into my house,

andhe! he! he!very soon sneaked out again, when I nearly frightened him to death. And HE wanting to

marry Miss Madeline too! Oh dear! Is there anything else he'd like? Anything else we can do for him, besides

giving her up? Would he like his debts paid and his house furnished, and a few bank notes for shaving paper

'You will remain, girl, will you?' said Ralph, turning upon Kate again, 'to be hauled downstairs like a drunken

drab, as I swear you shall if you stop here? No answer! Thank your brother for what follows. Gride, call

'If you value your head,' said Nicholas, taking up a position before the door, and speaking in the same low

voice in which he had spoken before, and with no more outward passion than he had before displayed; 'stay

'Mind yourself rather than either of us, and stay where you are!' said Nicholas.

Gride hesitated. Ralph being, by this time, as furious as a baffled tiger, made for the door, and, attempting to

pass Kate, clasped her arm roughly with his hand. Nicholas, with his eyes darting fire, seized him by the

collar. At that moment, a heavy body fell with great violence on the floor above, and, in an instant afterwards,

They all stood still, and gazed upon each other. Scream succeeded scream; a heavy pattering of feet

succeeded; and many shrill voices clamouring together were heard to cry, 'He is dead!'

'Stand off!' cried Nicholas, letting loose all the passion he had restrained till now; 'if this is what I scarcely

He burst from the room, and, darting upstairs to the quarter from whence the noise proceeded, forced his way

through a crowd of persons who quite filled a small bedchamber, and found Bray lying on the floor quite

Several voices answered together, that he had been observed, through the halfopened door, reclining in a

strange and uneasy position upon a chair; that he had been spoken to several times, and not answering, was

supposed to be asleep, until some person going in and shaking him by the arm, he fell heavily to the ground

An elderly woman was pointed out to him; and to her he said, as he knelt down and gently unwound

Madeline's arms from the lifeless mass round which they were entwined: 'I represent this lady's nearest

friends, as her servant here knows, and must remove her from this dreadful scene. This is my sister to whose

charge you confide her. My name and address are upon that card, and you shall receive from me all necessary

directions for the arrangements that must be made. Stand aside, every one of you, and give me room and air

The people fell back, scarce wondering more at what had just occurred, than at the excitement and

impetuosity of him who spoke. Nicholas, taking the insensible girl in his arms, bore her from the chamber

and downstairs into the room he had just quitted, followed by his sister and the faithful servant, whom he

charged to procure a coach directly, while he and Kate bent over their beautiful charge and endeavoured, but

in vain, to restore her to animation. The girl performed her office with such expedition, that in a very few

Ralph Nickleby and Gride, stunned and paralysed by the awful event which had so suddenly overthrown their

schemes (it would not otherwise, perhaps, have made much impression on them), and carried away by the

extraordinary energy and precipitation of Nicholas, which bore down all before him, looked on at these

proceedings like men in a dream or trance. It was not until every preparation was made for Madeline's

immediate removal that Ralph broke silence by declaring she should not be taken away.

'Who says so?' cried Nicholas, rising from his knee and confronting them, but still retaining Madeline's

'Hush, hush!' cried the terrified Gride, catching him by the arm again. 'Hear what he says.'

'Ay!' said Nicholas, extending his disengaged hand in the air, 'hear what he says. That both your debts are

paid in the one great debt of nature. That the bond, due today at twelve, is now waste paper. That your

contemplated fraud shall be discovered yet. That your schemes are known to man, and overthrown by

'This man,' said Ralph, in a voice scarcely intelligible, 'this man claims his wife, and he shall have her.'

'That man claims what is not his, and he should not have her if he were fifty men, with fifty more to back

'By this right. That, knowing what I do, you dare not tempt me further,' said Nicholas, 'and by this better

right; that those I serve, and with whom you would have done me base wrong and injury, are her nearest and

'Not one,' replied Nicholas, 'I will not hear of onesave this. Look to yourself, and heed this warning that I

'Whence will curses come at your command? Or what avails a curse or blessing from a man like you? I tell

you, that misfortune and discovery are thickening about your head; that the structures you have raised,

through all your illspent life, are crumbling into dust; that your path is beset with spies; that this very day,

''Tis true, and you shall find it so. I have no more words to waste. Stand from the door. Kate, do you go first.

Lay not a hand on her, or on that woman, or on me, or so much a brush their garments as they pass you

Arthur Gride happened to be in the doorway, but whether intentionally or from confusion was not quite

apparent. Nicholas swung him away, with such violence as to cause him to spin round the room until he was

caught by a sharp angle of the wall, and there knocked down; and then taking his beautiful burden in his arms

rushed out. No one cared to stop him, if any were so disposed. Making his way through a mob of people,

whom a report of the circumstances had attracted round the house, and carrying Madeline, in his excitement,

as easily as if she were an infant, he reached the coach in which Kate and the girl were already waiting, and,

confiding his charge to them, jumped up beside the coachman and bade him drive away.

Although Mrs Nickleby had been made acquainted by her son and daughter with every circumstance of

Madeline Bray's history which was known to them; although the responsible situation in which Nicholas

stood had been carefully explained to her, and she had been prepared, even for the possible contingency of

having to receive the young lady in her own house, improbable as such a result had appeared only a few

minutes before it came about, still, Mrs Nickleby, from the moment when this confidence was first reposed in

her, late on the previous evening, had remained in an unsatisfactory and profoundly mystified state, from

which no explanations or arguments could relieve her, and which every fresh soliloquy and reflection only

'Bless my heart, Kate!' so the good lady argued; 'if the Mr Cheerybles don't want this young lady to be

married, why don't they file a bill against the Lord Chancellor, make her a Chancery ward, and shut her up in

the Fleet prison for safety?I have read of such things in the newspapers a hundred times. Or, if they are so

very fond of her as Nicholas says they are, why don't they marry her themselvesone of them I mean? And

even supposing they don't want her to be married, and don't want to marry her themselves, why in the name

'Well I am sure, Kate, my dear, you're very polite!' replied Mrs Nickleby. 'I have been married myself I hope,

'I know you have had great experience, dear mama,' said Kate; 'I mean that perhaps you don't quite

understand all the circumstances in this instance. We have stated them awkwardly, I dare say.'

'That I dare say you have,' retorted her mother, briskly. 'That's very likely. I am not to be held accountable for

that; though, at the same time, as the circumstances speak for themselves, I shall take the liberty, my love, of

saying that I do understand them, and perfectly well too; whatever you and Nicholas may choose to think to

the contrary. Why is such a great fuss made because this Miss Magdalen is going to marry somebody who is

older than herself? Your poor papa was older than I was, four years and a half older. Jane Dibabsthe

Dibabses lived in the beautiful little thatched white house one story high, covered all over with ivy and

creeping plants, with an exquisite little porch with twining honysuckles and all sorts of things: where the

earwigs used to fall into one's tea on a summer evening, and always fell upon their backs and kicked

dreadfully, and where the frogs used to get into the rushlight shades when one stopped all night, and sit up

and look through the little holes like ChristiansJane Dibabs, SHE married a man who was a great deal

older than herself, and WOULD marry him, notwithstanding all that could be said to the contrary, and she

was so fond of him that nothing was ever equal to it. There was no fuss made about Jane Dibabs, and her

husband was a most honourable and excellent man, and everybody spoke well of him. Then why should there

'Her husband is much older; he is not her own choice; his character is the very reverse of that which you have

just described. Don't you see a broad destinction between the two cases?' said Kate.

To this, Mrs Nickleby only replied that she durst say she was very stupid, indeed she had no doubt she was,

for her own children almost as much as told her so, every day of her life; to be sure she was a little older than

they, and perhaps some foolish people might think she ought reasonably to know best. However, no doubt

she was wrong; of course she was; she always was, she couldn't be right, she couldn't be expected to be; so

she had better not expose herself any more; and to all Kate's conciliations and concessions for an hour

ensuing, the good lady gave no other replies than Oh, certainly, why did they ask HER?, HER opinion was of

no consequence, it didn't matter what SHE said, with many other rejoinders of the same class.

In this frame of mind (expressed, when she had become too resigned for speech, by nods of the head,

upliftings of the eyes, and little beginnings of groans, converted, as they attracted attention, into short

coughs), Mrs Nickleby remained until Nicholas and Kate returned with the object of their solicitude; when,

having by this time asserted her own importance, and becoming besides interested in the trials of one so

young and beautiful, she not only displayed the utmost zeal and solicitude, but took great credit to herself for

recommending the course of procedure which her son had adopted: frequently declaring, with an expressive

look, that it was very fortunate things were AS they were: and hinting, that but for great encouragement and

Not to strain the question whether Mrs Nickleby had or had not any great hand in bringing matters about, it is

unquestionable that she had strong ground for exultation. The brothers, on their return, bestowed such

commendations on Nicholas for the part he had taken, and evinced so much joy at the altered state of events

and the recovery of their young friend from trials so great and dangers so threatening, that, as she more than

once informed her daughter, she now considered the fortunes of the family 'as good as' made. Mr Charles

Cheeryble, indeed, Mrs Nickleby positively asserted, had, in the first transports of his surprise and delight, 'as

good as' said so. Without precisely explaining what this qualification meant, she subsided, whenever she

mentioned the subject, into such a mysterious and important state, and had such visions of wealth and dignity

in perspective, that (vague and clouded though they were) she was, at such times, almost as happy as if she

The sudden and terrible shock she had received, combined with the great affliction and anxiety of mind

which she had, for a long time, endured, proved too much for Madeline's strength. Recovering from the state

of stupefaction into which the sudden death of her father happily plunged her, she only exchanged that

condition for one of dangerous and active illness. When the delicate physical powers which have been

sustained by an unnatural strain upon the mental energies and a resolute determination not to yield, at last

give way, their degree of prostration is usually proportionate to the strength of the effort which has previously

upheld them. Thus it was that the illness which fell on Madeline was of no slight or temporary nature, but one

Who, slowly recovering from a disorder so severe and dangerous, could be insensible to the unremitting

attentions of such a nurse as gentle, tender, earnest Kate? On whom could the sweet soft voice, the light step,

the delicate hand, the quiet, cheerful, noiseless discharge of those thousand little offices of kindness and relief

which we feel so deeply when we are ill, and forget so lightly when we are wellon whom could they make

so deep an impression as on a young heart stored with every pure and true affection that women cherish;

almost a stranger to the endearments and devotion of its own sex, save as it learnt them from itself; and

rendered, by calamity and suffering, keenly susceptible of the sympathy so long unknown and so long sought

in vain? What wonder that days became as years in knitting them together! What wonder, if with every hour

of returning health, there came some stronger and sweeter recognition of the praises which Kate, when they

recalled old scenesthey seemed old now, and to have been acted years agowould lavish on her brother!

Where would have been the wonder, even, if those praises had found a quick response in the breast of

Madeline, and if, with the image of Nicholas so constantly recurring in the features of his sister that she could

scarcely separate the two, she had sometimes found it equally difficult to assign to each the feelings they had

first inspired, and had imperceptibly mingled with her gratitude to Nicholas, some of that warmer feeling

'My dear,' Mrs Nickleby would say, coming into the room with an elaborate caution, calculated to

discompose the nerves of an invalid rather more than the entry of a horsesoldier at full gallop; 'how do you

'Almost well, mama,' Kate would reply, laying down her work, and taking Madeline's hand in hers.

'Kate!' Mrs Nickleby would say, reprovingly, 'don't talk so loud' (the worthy lady herself talking in a whisper

Kate would take this reproof very quietly, and Mrs Nickleby, making every board creak and every thread

'My son Nicholas has just come home, and I have come, according to custom, my dear, to know, from your

'He is later than usual tonight,' perhaps Madeline would reply. 'Nearly half an hour.'

'Well, I never saw such people in all my life as you are, for time, up here!' Mrs Nickleby would exclaim in

great astonishment; 'I declare I never did! I had not the least idea that Nicholas was after his time, not the

smallest. Mr Nickleby used to sayyour poor papa, I am speaking of, Kate my dearused to say, that

appetite was the best clock in the world, but you have no appetite, my dear Miss Bray, I wish you had, and

upon my word I really think you ought to take something that would give you one. I am sure I don't know,

but I have heard that two or three dozen native lobsters give an appetite, though that comes to the same thing

after all, for I suppose you must have an appetite before you can take 'em. If I said lobsters, I meant oysters,

but of course it's all the same, though really how you came to know about Nicholas'

'You never seem to me to be talking about anything else, Kate, and upon my word I am quite surprised at

your being so very thoughtless. You can find subjects enough to talk about sometimes, and when you know

how important it is to keep up Miss Bray's spirits, and interest her, and all that, it really is quite extraordinary

to me what can induce you to keep on prose, prose, prose, din, din, din, everlastingly, upon the same theme.

You are a very kind nurse, Kate, and a very good one, and I know you mean very well; but I will say

thisthat if it wasn't for me, I really don't know what would become of Miss Bray's spirits, and so I tell the

doctor every day. He says he wonders how I sustain my own, and I am sure I very often wonder myself how I

can contrive to keep up as I do. Of course it's an exertion, but still, when I know how much depends upon me

in this house, I am obliged to make it. There's nothing praiseworthy in that, but it's necessary, and I do it.'

With that, Mrs Nickleby would draw up a chair, and for some three quarters of an hour run through a great

variety of distracting topics in the most distracting manner possible; tearing herself away, at length, on the

plea that she must now go and amuse Nicholas while he took his supper. After a preliminary raising of his

spirits with the information that she considered the patient decidedly worse, she would further cheer him up

by relating how dull, listless, and lowspirited Miss Bray was, because Kate foolishly talked about nothing

else but him and family matters. When she had made Nicholas thoroughly comfortable with these and other

inspiriting remarks, she would discourse at length on the arduous duties she had performed that day; and,

sometimes, be moved to tears in wondering how, if anything were to happen to herself, the family would ever

At other times, when Nicholas came home at night, he would be accompanied by Mr Frank Cheeryble, who

was commissioned by the brothers to inquire how Madeline was that evening. On such occasions (and they

were of very frequent occurrence), Mrs Nickleby deemed it of particular importance that she should have her

wits about her; for, from certain signs and tokens which had attracted her attention, she shrewdly suspected

that Mr Frank, interested as his uncles were in Madeline, came quite as much to see Kate as to inquire after

her; the more especially as the brothers were in constant communication with the medical man, came

backwards and forwards very frequently themselves, and received a full report from Nicholas every morning.

These were proud times for Mrs Nickleby; never was anybody half so discreet and sage as she, or half so

mysterious withal; and never were there such cunning generalship, and such unfathomable designs, as she

brought to bear upon Mr Frank, with the view of ascertaining whether her suspicions were well founded: and

if so, of tantalising him into taking her into his confidence and throwing himself upon her merciful

consideration. Extensive was the artillery, heavy and light, which Mrs Nickleby brought into play for the

furtherance of these great schemes; various and opposite the means which she employed to bring about the

end she had in view. At one time, she was all cordiality and ease; at another, all stiffness and frigidity. Now,

she would seem to open her whole heart to her unhappy victim; the next time they met, she would receive

him with the most distant and studious reserve, as if a new light had broken in upon her, and, guessing his

intentions, she had resolved to check them in the bud; as if she felt it her bounden duty to act with Spartan

firmness, and at once and for ever to discourage hopes which never could be realised. At other times, when

Nicholas was not there to overhear, and Kate was upstairs busily tending her sick friend, the worthy lady

would throw out dark hints of an intention to send her daughter to France for three or four years, or to

Scotland for the improvement of her health impaired by her late fatigues, or to America on a visit, or

anywhere that threatened a long and tedious separation. Nay, she even went so far as to hint, obscurely, at an

attachment entertained for her daughter by the son of an old neighbour of theirs, one Horatio Peltirogus (a

young gentleman who might have been, at that time, four years old, or thereabouts), and to represent it,

indeed, as almost a settled thing between the familiesonly waiting for her daughter's final decision, to

come off with the sanction of the church, and to the unspeakable happiness and content of all parties.

It was in the full pride and glory of having sprung this last mine one night with extraordinary success, that

Mrs Nickleby took the opportunity of being left alone with her son before retiring to rest, to sound him on the

subject which so occupied her thoughts: not doubting that they could have but one opinion respecting it. To

this end, she approached the question with divers laudatory and appropriate remarks touching the general

'You are quite right, mother,' said Nicholas, 'quite right. He is a fine fellow.'

'What may you call his nose, now, my dear?' pursued Mrs Nickleby, wishing to interest Nicholas in the

'Ah!' returned his mother, 'what style of nose? What order of architecture, if one may say so. I am not very

'Upon my word, mother,' said Nicholas, laughing, 'as well as I remember, I should call it a kind of Composite,

or mixed nose. But I have no very strong recollection on the subject. If it will afford you any gratification, I'll

Nicholas returned to the perusal of the book he had been reading, when the dialogue had gone thus far. Mrs

Nicholas laughingly said, as he closed his book, that he was glad to hear it, and observed that his mother

'Hem!' said Mrs Nickleby. 'I don't know about that, my dear, but I think it is very necessary that somebody

Elated by a look of curiosity from her son, and the consciousness of possessing a great secret, all to herself,

'I am sure, my dear Nicholas, how you can have failed to notice it, is, to me, quite extraordinary; though I

don't know why I should say that, either, because, of course, as far as it goes, and to a certain extent, there is a

great deal in this sort of thing, especially in this early stage, which, however clear it may be to females, can

scarcely be expected to be so evident to men. I don't say that I have any particular penetration in such matters.

I may have; those about me should know best about that, and perhaps do know. Upon that point I shall

express no opinion, it wouldn't become me to do so, it's quite out of the question, quite.'

Nicholas snuffed the candles, put his hands in his pockets, and, leaning back in his chair, assumed a look of

'I think it my duty, Nicholas, my dear,' resumed his mother, 'to tell you what I know: not only because you

have a right to know it too, and to know everything that happens in this family, but because you have it in

your power to promote and assist the thing very much; and there is no doubt that the sooner one can come to

a clear understanding on such subjects, it is always better, every way. There are a great many things you

might do; such as taking a walk in the garden sometimes, or sitting upstairs in your own room for a little

while, or making believe to fall asleep occasionally, or pretending that you recollected some business, and

going out for an hour or so, and taking Mr Smike with you. These seem very slight things, and I dare say you

will be amused at my making them of so much importance; at the same time, my dear, I can assure you (and

you'll find this out, Nicholas, for yourself one of these days, if you ever fall in love with anybody; as I trust

and hope you will, provided she is respectable and well conducted, and of course you'd never dream of falling

in love with anybody who was not), I say, I can assure you that a great deal more depends upon these little

things than you would suppose possible. If your poor papa was alive, he would tell you how much depended

on the parties being left alone. Of course, you are not to go out of the room as if you meant it and did it on

purpose, but as if it was quite an accident, and to come back again in the same way. If you cough in the

passage before you open the door, or whistle carelessly, or hum a tune, or something of that sort, to let them

know you're coming, it's always better; because, of course, though it's not only natural but perfectly correct

and proper under the circumstances, still it is very confusing if you interrupt young people when they

arewhen they are sitting on the sofa, andand all that sort of thing: which is very nonsensical, perhaps,

The profound astonishment with which her son regarded her during this long address, gradually increasing as

it approached its climax in no way discomposed Mrs Nickleby, but rather exalted her opinion of her own

cleverness; therefore, merely stopping to remark, with much complacency, that she had fully expected him to

be surprised, she entered on a vast quantity of circumstantial evidence of a particularly incoherent and

perplexing kind; the upshot of which was, to establish, beyond the possibility of doubt, that Mr Frank

'Lord, Nicholas!' returned Mrs Nickleby, 'whose Kate should it be, if not ours; or what should I care about it,

'Very good, my dear,' replied Mrs Nickleby, with great confidence. 'Wait and see.'

Nicholas had never, until that moment, bestowed a thought upon the remote possibility of such an occurrence

as that which was now communicated to him; for, besides that he had been much from home of late and

closely occupied with other matters, his own jealous fears had prompted the suspicion that some secret

interest in Madeline, akin to that which he felt himself, occasioned those visits of Frank Cheeryble which had

recently become so frequent. Even now, although he knew that the observation of an anxious mother was

much more likely to be correct in such a case than his own, and although she reminded him of many little

circumstances which, taken together, were certainly susceptible of the construction she triumphantly put upon

them, he was not quite convinced but that they arose from mere goodnatured thoughtless gallantry, which

would have dictated the same conduct towards any other girl who was young and pleasing. At all events, he

'I am very much disturbed by what you tell me,' said Nicholas, after a little reflection, 'though I yet hope you

'I don't understand why you should hope so,' said Mrs Nickleby, 'I confess; but you may depend upon it I am

'Why that, my dear,' returned Mrs Nickleby, 'is just the point upon which I am not yet satisfied. During this

sickness, she has been constantly at Madeline's bedsidenever were two people so fond of each other as

they have grownand to tell you the truth, Nicholas, I have rather kept her away now and then, because I

think it's a good plan, and urges a young man on. He doesn't get too sure, you know.'

She said this with such a mingling of high delight and self congratulation, that it was inexpressibly painful

to Nicholas to dash her hopes; but he felt that there was only one honourable course before him, and that he

'Dear mother,' he said kindly, 'don't you see that if there were really any serious inclination on the part of Mr

Frank towards Kate, and we suffered ourselves for a moment to encourage it, we should be acting a most

dishonourable and ungrateful part? I ask you if you don't see it, but I need not say that I know you don't, or

you would have been more strictly on your guard. Let me explain my meaning to you. Remember how poor

Mrs Nickleby shook her head, and said, through her tears, that poverty was not a crime.

'No,' said Nicholas, 'and for that reason poverty should engender an honest pride, that it may not lead and

tempt us to unworthy actions, and that we may preserve the selfrespect which a hewer of wood and drawer

of water may maintain, and does better in maintaining than a monarch in preserving his. Think what we owe

to these two brothers: remember what they have done, and what they do every day for us with a generosity

and delicacy for which the devotion of our whole lives would be a most imperfect and inadequate return.

What kind of return would that be which would be comprised in our permitting their nephew, their only

relative, whom they regard as a son, and for whom it would be mere childishness to suppose they have not

formed plans suitably adapted to the education he has had, and the fortune he will inheritin our permitting

him to marry a portionless girl: so closely connected with us, that the irresistible inference must be, that he

was entrapped by a plot; that it was a deliberate scheme, and a speculation amongst us three? Bring the matter

clearly before yourself, mother. Now, how would you feel, if they were married, and the brothers, coming

here on one of those kind errands which bring them here so often, you had to break out to them the truth?

Poor Mrs Nickleby, crying more and more, murmured that of course Mr Frank would ask the consent of his

'Why, to be sure, that would place HIM in a better situation with them,' said Nicholas, 'but we should still be

open to the same suspicions; the distance between us would still be as great; the advantages to be gained

would still be as manifest as now. We may be reckoning without our host in all this,' he added more

cheerfully, 'and I trust, and almost believe we are. If it be otherwise, I have that confidence in Kate that I

know she will feel as I doand in you, dear mother, to be assured that after a little consideration you will do

After many more representations and entreaties, Nicholas obtained a promise from Mrs Nickleby that she

would try all she could to think as he did; and that if Mr Frank persevered in his attentions she would

endeavour to discourage them, or, at the least, would render him no countenance or assistance. He determined

to forbear mentioning the subject to Kate until he was quite convinced that there existed a real necessity for

his doing so; and resolved to assure himself, as well as he could by close personal observation, of the exact

position of affairs. This was a very wise resolution, but he was prevented from putting it in practice by a new

Smike became alarmingly ill; so reduced and exhausted that he could scarcely move from room to room

without assistance; and so worn and emaciated, that it was painful to look upon him. Nicholas was warned,

by the same medical authority to whom he had at first appealed, that the last chance and hope of his life

depended on his being instantly removed from London. That part of Devonshire in which Nicholas had been

himself bred was named as the most favourable spot; but this advice was cautiously coupled with the

information, that whoever accompanied him thither must be prepared for the worst; for every token of rapid

The kind brothers, who were acquainted with the poor creature's sad history, dispatched old Tim to be present

at this consultation. That same morning, Nicholas was summoned by brother Charles into his private room,

'My dear sir, no time must be lost. This lad shall not die, if such human means as we can use can save his life;

neither shall he die alone, and in a strange place. Remove him tomorrow morning, see that he has every

comfort that his situation requires, and don't leave him; don't leave him, my dear sir, until you know that

there is no longer any immediate danger. It would be hard, indeed, to part you now. No, no, no! Tim shall

wait upon you tonight, sir; Tim shall wait upon you tonight with a parting word or two. Brother Ned, my dear

fellow, Mr Nickleby waits to shake hands and say goodbye; Mr Nickleby won't be long gone; this poor chap

will soon get better, very soon get better; and then he'll find out some nice homely countrypeople to leave

him with, and will go backwards and forwards sometimesbackwards and forwards you know, Ned. And

there's no cause to be downhearted, for he'll very soon get better, very soon. Won't he, won't he, Ned?'

What Tim Linkinwater said, or what he brought with him that night, needs not to be told. Next morning

And who but oneand that one he who, but for those who crowded round him then, had never met a look of

kindness, or known a word of pitycould tell what agony of mind, what blighted thoughts, what unavailing

'See,' cried Nicholas eagerly, as he looked from the coach window, 'they are at the corner of the lane still!

And now there's Kate, poor Kate, whom you said you couldn't bear to say goodbye to, waving her

'I cannot make it!' cried his trembling companion, falling back in his seat and covering his eyes. 'Do you see

'Yes, yes!' said Nicholas earnestly. 'There! She waves her hand again! I have answered it for youand now

they are out of sight. Do not give way so bitterly, dear friend, don't. You will meet them all again.'

He whom he thus encouraged, raised his withered hands and clasped them fervently together.

The course which these adventures shape out for themselves, and imperatively call upon the historian to

observe, now demands that they should revert to the point they attained previously to the commencement of

the last chapter, when Ralph Nickleby and Arthur Gride were left together in the house where death had so

CHAPTER 56. Ralph Nickleby, baffled by his Nephew in his late Design, hatches a Scheme of Retaliation which Accident suggests to him, and takes into his Counsels a tried Auxiliary 488

With clenched hands, and teeth ground together so firm and tight that no locking of the jaws could have fixed

and riveted them more securely, Ralph stood, for some minutes, in the attitude in which he had last addressed

his nephew: breathing heavily, but as rigid and motionless in other respects as if he had been a brazen statue.

After a time, he began, by slow degrees, as a man rousing himself from heavy slumber, to relax. For a

moment he shook his clasped fist towards the door by which Nicholas had disappeared; and then thrusting it

into his breast, as if to repress by force even this show of passion, turned round and confronted the less hardy

The cowering wretch, who still shook in every limb, and whose few grey hairs trembled and quivered on his

head with abject dismay, tottered to his feet as he met Ralph's eye, and, shielding his face with both hands,

'Who said it was, man?' returned Ralph, in a suppressed voice. 'Who said it was?'

'Pshaw!' Ralph muttered, forcing a laugh. 'I blame him for not living an hour longer. One hour longer would

'Not for this mischance,' replied Ralph. 'I have an old score to clear with that young fellow who has carried

off your mistress; but that has nothing to do with his blustering just now, for we should soon have been quit

There was something so unnatural in the calmness with which Ralph Nickleby spoke, when coupled with his

face, the expression of the features, to which every nerve and muscle, as it twitched and throbbed with a

spasm whose workings no effort could conceal, gave, every instant, some new and frightful aspectthere

was something so unnatural and ghastly in the contrast between his harsh, slow, steady voice (only altered by

a certain halting of the breath which made him pause between almost every word like a drunken man bent

upon speaking plainly), and these evidences of the most intense and violent passion, and the struggle he made

to keep them under; that if the dead body which lay above had stood, instead of him, before the cowering

Gride, it could scarcely have presented a spectacle which would have terrified him more.

'The coach,' said Ralph after a time, during which he had struggled like some strong man against a fit. 'We

Gride gladly availed himself of the pretext for going to the window to see. Ralph, keeping his face steadily

the other way, tore at his shirt with the hand which he had thrust into his breast, and muttered in a hoarse

'Ten thousand pounds! He said ten thousand! The precise sum paid in but yesterday for the two mortgages,

and which would have gone out again, at heavy interest, tomorrow. If that house has failed, and he the first to

'Yes, yes,' said Gride, startled by the fierce tone of the inquiry. 'It's here. Dear, dear, what a fiery man you

'Come here,' said Ralph, beckoning to him. 'We mustn't make a show of being disturbed. We'll go down arm

CHAPTER 56. Ralph Nickleby, baffled by his Nephew in his late Design, hatches a Scheme of Retaliation which Accident suggests to him, and takes into his Counsels a tried Auxiliary 489

Ralph let him go impatiently, and descending the stairs with his usual firm and heavy tread, got into the

coach. Arthur Gride followed. After looking doubtfully at Ralph when the man asked where he was to drive,

and finding that he remained silent, and expressed no wish upon the subject, Arthur mentioned his own

On their way, Ralph sat in the furthest corner with folded arms, and uttered not a word. With his chin sunk

upon his breast, and his downcast eyes quite hidden by the contraction of his knotted brows, he might have

been asleep for any sign of consciousness he gave until the coach stopped, when he raised his head, and

'My house,' answered the disconsolate Gride, affected perhaps by its loneliness. 'Oh dear! my house.'

'True,' said Ralph 'I have not observed the way we came. I should like a glass of water. You have that in the

'You shall have a glass ofof anything you like,' answered Gride, with a groan. 'It's no use knocking,

The man rang, and rang, and rang again; then, knocked until the street reechoed with the sounds; then,

listened at the keyhole of the door. Nobody came. The house was silent as the grave.

'Peg is so very deaf,' answered Gride with a look of anxiety and alarm. 'Oh dear! Ring again, coachman. She

Again the man rang and knocked, and knocked and rang again. Some of the neighbours threw up their

windows, and called across the street to each other that old Gride's housekeeper must have dropped down

dead. Others collected round the coach, and gave vent to various surmises; some held that she had fallen

asleep; some, that she had burnt herself to death; some, that she had got drunk; and one very fat man that she

had seen something to eat which had frightened her so much (not being used to it) that she had fallen into a

fit. This last suggestion particularly delighted the bystanders, who cheered it rather uproariously, and were,

with some difficulty, deterred from dropping down the area and breaking open the kitchen door to ascertain

the fact. Nor was this all. Rumours having gone abroad that Arthur was to be married that morning, very

particular inquiries were made after the bride, who was held by the majority to be disguised in the person of

Mr Ralph Nickleby, which gave rise to much jocose indignation at the public appearance of a bride in boots

and pantaloons, and called forth a great many hoots and groans. At length, the two moneylenders obtained

shelter in a house next door, and, being accommodated with a ladder, clambered over the wall of the

'I am almost afraid to go in, I declare,' said Arthur, turning to Ralph when they were alone. 'Suppose she

'Suppose she were,' said Ralph. 'I tell you, I wish such things were more common than they are, and more

He applied himself to a pump in the yard; and, having taken a deep draught of water and flung a quantity on

his head and face, regained his accustomed manner and led the way into the house: Gride following close at

CHAPTER 56. Ralph Nickleby, baffled by his Nephew in his late Design, hatches a Scheme of Retaliation which Accident suggests to him, and takes into his Counsels a tried Auxiliary 490

It was the same dark place as ever: every room dismal and silent as it was wont to be, and every ghostly

article of furniture in its customary place. The iron heart of the grim old clock, undisturbed by all the noise

without, still beat heavily within its dusty case; the tottering presses slunk from the sight, as usual, in their

melancholy corners; the echoes of footsteps returned the same dreary sound; the longlegged spider paused

in his nimble run, and, scared by the sight of men in that his dull domain, hung motionless on the wall,

From cellar to garret went the two usurers, opening every creaking door and looking into every deserted

room. But no Peg was there. At last, they sat them down in the apartment which Arthur Gride usually

'The hag is out, on some preparation for your wedding festivities, I suppose,' said Ralph, preparing to depart.

Gride, who had been peering narrowly about the room, fell, at that moment, upon his knees before a large

'Worse than money, worse than money!' cried the old man, casting the papers out of the chest, like some beast

tearing up the earth. 'She had better have stolen moneyall my moneyI haven't much! She had better have

Still Gride made no answer, but tore and scratched among the papers, and yelled and screeched like a fiend in

'There is something missing, you say,' said Ralph, shaking him furiously by the collar. 'What is it?'

'Papers, deeds. I am a ruined man. Lost, lost! I am robbed, I am ruined! She saw me reading itreading it of

lateI did very oftenShe watched me, saw me put it in the box that fitted into this, the box is gone, she

'Of WHAT?' cried Ralph, on whom a sudden light appeared to break, for his eyes flashed and his frame

'She don't know what it is; she can't read!' shrieked Gride, not heeding the inquiry. 'There's only one way in

which money can be made of it, and that is by taking it to her. Somebody will read it for her, and tell her what

to do. She and her accomplice will get money for it and be let off besides; they'll make a merit of itsay

they found itknew itand be evidence against me. The only person it will fall upon is me, me, me!'

'Patience!' said Ralph, clutching him still tighter and eyeing him with a sidelong look, so fixed and eager as

CHAPTER 56. Ralph Nickleby, baffled by his Nephew in his late Design, hatches a Scheme of Retaliation which Accident suggests to him, and takes into his Counsels a tried Auxiliary 491

sufficiently to denote that he had some hidden purpose in what he was about to say. 'Hear reason. She can't

have been gone long. I'll call the police. Do you but give information of what she has stolen, and they'll lay

'No, no, no!' screamed the old man, putting his hand on Ralph's mouth. 'I can't, I daren't.'

'No, no, no!' shrieked the other, stamping on the ground with the energy of a madman. 'I tell you no. I daren't,

'No!' rejoined Gride, wringing his hands. 'Hush! Hush! Not a word of this; not a word must be said. I am

undone. Whichever way I turn, I am undone. I am betrayed. I shall be given up. I shall die in Newgate!'

With frantic exclamations such as these, and with many others in which fear, grief, and rage, were strangely

blended, the panic stricken wretch gradually subdued his first loud outcry, until it had softened down into a

low despairing moan, chequered now and then by a howl, as, going over such papers as were left in the chest,

he discovered some new loss. With very little excuse for departing so abruptly, Ralph left him, and, greatly

disappointing the loiterers outside the house by telling them there was nothing the matter, got into the coach,

A letter lay on his table. He let it lie there for some time, as if he had not the courage to open it, but at length

'The worst has happened,' he said; 'the house has failed. I see. The rumour was abroad in the city last night,

'Ten thousand pounds! And only lying there for a dayfor one day! How many anxious years, how many

pinching days and sleepless nights, before I scraped together that ten thousand pounds!Ten thousand

pounds! How many proud painted dames would have fawned and smiled, and how many spendthrift

blockheads done me lipservice to my face and cursed me in their hearts, while I turned that ten thousand

pounds into twenty! While I ground, and pinched, and used these needy borrowers for my pleasure and profit,

what smoothtongued speeches, and courteous looks, and civil letters, they would have given me! The cant

of the lying world is, that men like me compass our riches by dissimulation and treachery: by fawning,

cringing, and stooping. Why, how many lies, what mean and abject evasions, what humbled behaviour from

upstarts who, but for my money, would spurn me aside as they do their betters every day, would that ten

thousand pounds have brought me in! Grant that I had doubled itmade cent. per cent.for every sovereign

told anotherthere would not be one piece of money in all the heap which wouldn't represent ten thousand

mean and paltry lies, told, not by the moneylender, oh no! but by the moneyborrowers, your liberal,

thoughtless, generous, dashing folks, who wouldn't be so mean as save a sixpence for the world!'

Striving, as it would seem, to lose part of the bitterness of his regrets in the bitterness of these other thoughts,

Ralph continued to pace the room. There was less and less of resolution in his manner as his mind gradually

reverted to his loss; at length, dropping into his elbowchair and grasping its sides so firmly that they creaked

'The time has been when nothing could have moved me like the loss of this great sum. Nothing. For births,

CHAPTER 56. Ralph Nickleby, baffled by his Nephew in his late Design, hatches a Scheme of Retaliation which Accident suggests to him, and takes into his Counsels a tried Auxiliary 492

deaths, marriages, and all the events which are of interest to most men, have (unless they are connected with

gain or loss of money) no interest for me. But now, I swear, I mix up with the loss, his triumph in telling it. If

he had brought it about,I almost feel as if he had,I couldn't hate him more. Let me but retaliate upon

him, by degrees, however slow let me but begin to get the better of him, let me but turn the scaleand I

His meditations were long and deep. They terminated in his dispatching a letter by Newman, addressed to Mr

Squeers at the Saracen's Head, with instructions to inquire whether he had arrived in town, and, if so, to wait

an answer. Newman brought back the information that Mr Squeers had come by mail that morning, and had

received the letter in bed; but that he sent his duty, and word that he would get up and wait upon Mr Nickleby

The interval between the delivery of this message, and the arrival of Mr Squeers, was very short; but, before

he came, Ralph had suppressed every sign of emotion, and once more regained the hard, immovable,

inflexible manner which was habitual to him, and to which, perhaps, was ascribable no small part of the

influence which, over many men of no very strong prejudices on the score of morality, he could exert, almost

'Well, Mr Squeers,' he said, welcoming that worthy with his accustomed smile, of which a sharp look and a

'Why, sir,' said Mr Squeers, 'I'm pretty well. So's the family, and so's the boys, except for a sort of rash as is a

running through the school, and rather puts 'em off their feed. But it's a ill wind as blows no good to nobody;

that's what I always say when them lads has a wisitation. A wisitation, sir, is the lot of mortality. Mortality

itself, sir, is a wisitation. The world is chock full of wisitations; and if a boy repines at a wisitation and makes

you uncomfortable with his noise, he must have his head punched. That's going according to the Scripter, that

'We'll avoid these precious morsels of morality if you please, and talk of business.'

Newman presented himself when the summons had been twice or thrice repeated, and asked if his master

'You don't keep many cooks, and can easily apologise to them for the trouble,' retorted Ralph. 'Begone, sir!'

CHAPTER 56. Ralph Nickleby, baffled by his Nephew in his late Design, hatches a Scheme of Retaliation which Accident suggests to him, and takes into his Counsels a tried Auxiliary 493

Ralph not only issued this order in his most peremptory manner, but, under pretence of fetching some papers

from the little office, saw it obeyed, and, when Newman had left the house, chained the door, to prevent the

'I have reason to suspect that fellow,' said Ralph, when he returned to his own office. 'Therefore, until I have

thought of the shortest and least troublesome way of ruining him, I hold it best to keep him at a distance.'

'Perhaps not,' answered Ralph. 'Nor to ruin a great many people whom I know. You were going to say?'

Ralph's summary and matterofcourse way of holding up this example, and throwing out the hint that

followed it, had evidently an effect (as doubtless it was designed to have) upon Mr Squeers, who said, after a

'Why, what I was agoing to say, sir, is, that this here business regarding of that ungrateful and hardhearted

chap, Snawley senior, puts me out of my way, and occasions a inconveniency quite unparalleled, besides, as I

may say, making, for whole weeks together, Mrs Squeers a perfect widder. It's a pleasure to me to act with

'Yes, I say of course,' resumed Mr Squeers, rubbing his knees, 'but at the same time, when one comes, as I do

now, better than two hundred and fifty mile to take a afferdavid, it does put a man out a good deal, letting

'I wasn't complaining, you know, Mr Nickleby,' pleaded Squeers. 'Upon my word I never see such a'

'Where the risk?' returned Squeers, rubbing his knees still harder. 'Why, it an't necessary to mention. Certain

'How often have I told you,' said Ralph, 'and how often am I to tell you, that you run no risk? What have you

sworn, or what are you asked to swear, but that at such and such a time a boy was left with you in the name of

Smike; that he was at your school for a given number of years, was lost under such and such circumstances,

is now found, and has been identified by you in such and such keeping? This is all true; is it not?'

'Well, then,' said Ralph, 'what risk do you run? Who swears to a lie but Snawley; a man whom I have paid

CHAPTER 56. Ralph Nickleby, baffled by his Nephew in his late Design, hatches a Scheme of Retaliation which Accident suggests to him, and takes into his Counsels a tried Auxiliary 494

'He did it cheap!' retorted Ralph, testily; 'yes, and he did it well, and carries it off with a hypocritical face and

a sanctified air, but you! Risk! What do you mean by risk? The certificates are all genuine, Snawley HAD

another son, he HAS been married twice, his first wife IS dead, none but her ghost could tell that she didn't

write that letter, none but Snawley himself can tell that this is not his son, and that his son is food for worms!

The only perjury is Snawley's, and I fancy he is pretty well used to it. Where's your risk?'

'Why, you know,' said Squeers, fidgeting in his chair, 'if you come to that, I might say where's yours?'

'You might say where's mine!' returned Ralph; 'you may say where's mine. I don't appear in the business,

neither do you. All Snawley's interest is to stick well to the story he has told; and all his risk is, to depart from

'I say,' remonstrated Squeers, looking uneasily round: 'don't call it that! Just as a favour, don't.'

'Call it what you like,' said Ralph, irritably, 'but attend to me. This tale was originally fabricated as a means of

annoyance against one who hurt your trade and half cudgelled you to death, and to enable you to obtain

repossession of a halfdead drudge, whom you wished to regain, because, while you wreaked your

vengeance on him for his share in the business, you knew that the knowledge that he was again in your power

would be the best punishment you could inflict upon your enemy. Is that so, Mr Squeers?'

'Why, sir,' returned Squeers, almost overpowered by the determination which Ralph displayed to make

everything tell against him, and by his stern unyielding manner, 'in a measure it was.'

'Why, in a measure means," returned Squeers, 'as it may be, that it wasn't all on my account, because you had

'If I had not had,' said Ralph, in no way abashed by the reminder, 'do you think I should have helped you?'

'Why no, I don't suppose you would,' Squeers replied. 'I only wanted that point to be all square and straight

'How can it ever be otherwise?' retorted Ralph. 'Except that the account is against me, for I spend money to

gratify my hatred, and you pocket it, and gratify yours at the same time. You are, at least, as avaricious as you

are revengeful. So am I. Which is best off? You, who win money and revenge, at the same time and by the

same process, and who are, at all events, sure of money, if not of revenge; or I, who am only sure of spending

As Mr Squeers could only answer this proposition by shrugs and smiles, Ralph bade him be silent, and

thankful that he was so well off; and then, fixing his eyes steadily upon him, proceeded to say:

First, that Nicholas had thwarted him in a plan he had formed for the disposal in marriage of a certain young

lady, and had, in the confusion attendant on her father's sudden death, secured that lady himself, and borne

Secondly, that by some will or settlementcertainly by some instrument in writing, which must contain the

young lady's name, and could be, therefore, easily selected from others, if access to the place where it was

deposited were once securedshe was entitled to property which, if the existence of this deed ever became

known to her, would make her husband (and Ralph represented that Nicholas was certain to marry her) a rich

CHAPTER 56. Ralph Nickleby, baffled by his Nephew in his late Design, hatches a Scheme of Retaliation which Accident suggests to him, and takes into his Counsels a tried Auxiliary 495

Thirdly, that this deed had been, with others, stolen from one who had himself obtained or concealed it

fraudulently, and who feared to take any steps for its recovery; and that he (Ralph) knew the thief.

To all this Mr Squeers listened, with greedy ears that devoured every syllable, and with his one eye and his

mouth wide open: marvelling for what special reason he was honoured with so much of Ralph's confidence,

'Now,' said Ralph, leaning forward, and placing his hand on Squeers's arm, 'hear the design which I have

conceived, and which I mustI say, must, if I can ripen ithave carried into execution. No advantage can

be reaped from this deed, whatever it is, save by the girl herself, or her husband; and the possession of this

deed by one or other of them is indispensable to any advantage being gained. THAT I have discovered

beyond the possibility of doubt. I want that deed brought here, that I may give the man who brings it fifty

Mr Squeers, after following with his eye the action of Ralph's hand towards the fireplace as if he were at

'Nobody, perhaps, for much is to be done before it can be got at,' said Ralph. 'But if anybodyyou!'

Mr Squeers's first tokens of consternation, and his flat relinquishment of the task, would have staggered most

men, if they had not immediately occasioned an utter abandonment of the proposition. On Ralph they

produced not the slightest effect. Resuming, when the schoolmaster had quite talked himself out of breath, as

coolly as if he had never been interrupted, Ralph proceeded to expatiate on such features of the case as he

These were, the age, decrepitude, and weakness of Mrs Sliderskew; the great improbability of her having any

accomplice or even acquaintance: taking into account her secluded habits, and her long residence in such a

house as Gride's; the strong reason there was to suppose that the robbery was not the result of a concerted

plan: otherwise she would have watched an opportunity of carrying off a sum of money; the difficulty she

would be placed in when she began to think on what she had done, and found herself encumbered with

documents of whose nature she was utterly ignorant; and the comparative ease with which somebody, with a

full knowledge of her position, obtaining access to her, and working on her fears, if necessary, might worm

himself into her confidence and obtain, under one pretence or another, free possession of the deed. To these

were added such considerations as the constant residence of Mr Squeers at a long distance from London,

which rendered his association with Mrs Sliderskew a mere masquerading frolic, in which nobody was likely

to recognise him, either at the time or afterwards; the impossibility of Ralph's undertaking the task himself,

he being already known to her by sight; and various comments on the uncommon tact and experience of Mr

Squeers: which would make his overreaching one old woman a mere matter of child's play and amusement.

In addition to these influences and persuasions, Ralph drew, with his utmost skill and power, a vivid picture

of the defeat which Nicholas would sustain, should they succeed, in linking himself to a beggar, where he

expected to wed an heiressglanced at the immeasurable importance it must be to a man situated as Squeers,

to preserve such a friend as himselfdwelt on a long train of benefits, conferred since their first

acquaintance, when he had reported favourably of his treatment of a sickly boy who had died under his hands

(and whose death was very convenient to Ralph and his clients, but this he did NOT say), and finally hinted

that the fifty pounds might be increased to seventyfive, or, in the event of very great success, even to a

These arguments at length concluded, Mr Squeers crossed his legs, uncrossed them, scratched his head,

rubbed his eye, examined the palms of his hands, and bit his nails, and after exhibiting many other signs of

CHAPTER 56. Ralph Nickleby, baffled by his Nephew in his late Design, hatches a Scheme of Retaliation which Accident suggests to him, and takes into his Counsels a tried Auxiliary 496

restlessness and indecision, asked 'whether one hundred pound was the highest that Mr Nickleby could go.'

Being answered in the affirmative, he became restless again, and, after some thought, and an unsuccessful

inquiry 'whether he couldn't go another fifty,' said he supposed he must try and do the most he could for a

'But how are you to get at the woman?' he said; 'that's what it is as puzzles me.'

'I may not get at her at all,' replied Ralph, 'but I'll try. I have hunted people in this city, before now, who have

been better hid than she; and I know quarters in which a guinea or two, carefully spent, will often solve

darker riddles than this. Ay, and keep them close too, if need be! I hear my man ringing at the door. We may

as well part. You had better not come to and fro, but wait till you hear from me.'

'Good!' returned Squeers. 'I say! If you shouldn't find her out, you'll pay expenses at the Saracen, and

Squeers shaking his head, Ralph accompanied him to the streetdoor, and audibly wondering, for the

edification of Newman, why it was fastened as if it were night, let him in and Squeers out, and returned to his

'Now!' he muttered, 'come what come may, for the present I am firm and unshaken. Let me but retrieve this

one small portion of my loss and disgrace; let me but defeat him in this one hope, dear to his heart as I know

it must be; let me but do this; and it shall be the first link in such a chain which I will wind about him, as

It was a dark, wet, gloomy night in autumn, when in an upper room of a mean house situated in an obscure

street, or rather court, near Lambeth, there sat, all alone, a oneeyed man grotesquely habited, either for lack

of better garments or for purposes of disguise, in a loose greatcoat, with arms half as long again as his own,

and a capacity of breadth and length which would have admitted of his winding himself in it, head and all,

with the utmost ease, and without any risk of straining the old and greasy material of which it was composed.

So attired, and in a place so far removed from his usual haunts and occupations, and so very poor and

wretched in its character, perhaps Mrs Squeers herself would have had some difficulty in recognising her

lord: quickened though her natural sagacity doubtless would have been by the affectionate yearnings and

impulses of a tender wife. But Mrs Squeers's lord it was; and in a tolerably disconsolate mood Mrs Squeers's

lord appeared to be, as, helping himself from a black bottle which stood on the table beside him, he cast

round the chamber a look, in which very slight regard for the objects within view was plainly mingled with

There were, certainly, no particular attractions, either in the room over which the glance of Mr Squeers so

discontentedly wandered, or in the narrow street into which it might have penetrated, if he had thought fit to

approach the window. The attic chamber in which he sat was bare and mean; the bedstead, and such few

other articles of necessary furniture as it contained, were of the commonest description, in a most crazy state,

and of a most uninviting appearance. The street was muddy, dirty, and deserted. Having but one outlet, it was

traversed by few but the inhabitants at any time; and the night being one of those on which most people are

glad to be within doors, it now presented no other signs of life than the dull glimmering of poor candles from

CHAPTER 57. How Ralph Nickleby's Auxiliary went about his Work, and how he prospered with it 497

the dirty windows, and few sounds but the pattering of the rain, and occasionally the heavy closing of some

Mr Squeers continued to look disconsolately about him, and to listen to these noises in profound silence,

broken only by the rustling of his large coat, as he now and then moved his arm to raise his glass to his lips.

Mr Squeers continued to do this for some time, until the increasing gloom warned him to snuff the candle.

Seeming to be slightly roused by this exertion, he raised his eye to the ceiling, and fixing it upon some

uncouth and fantastic figures, traced upon it by the wet and damp which had penetrated through the roof,

'Well, this is a pretty go, is this here! An uncommon pretty go! Here have I been, a matter of how many

weekshard upon sixa follering up this here blessed old dowager petty larcenerer,'Mr Squeers

delivered himself of this epithet with great difficulty and effort,'and Dotheboys Hall arunning itself

regularly to seed the while! That's the worst of ever being in with a owdacious chap like that old Nickleby.

You never know when he's done with you, and if you're in for a penny, you're in for a pound.'

This remark, perhaps, reminded Mr Squeers that he was in for a hundred pound at any rate. His countenance

relaxed, and he raised his glass to his mouth with an air of greater enjoyment of its contents than he had

'I never see,' soliloquised Mr Squeers in continuation, 'I never see nor come across such a file as that old

Nickleby. Never! He's out of everybody's depth, he is. He's what you may call a rasper, is Nickleby. To see

how sly and cunning he grubbed on, day after day, aworming and plodding and tracing and turning and

twining of hisself about, till he found out where this precious Mrs Peg was hid, and cleared the ground for me

to work upon. Creeping and crawling and gliding, like a ugly, old, brighteyed, stagnation blooded adder!

Ah! He'd have made a good 'un in our line, but it would have been too limited for him; his genius would have

busted all bonds, and coming over every obstacle, broke down all before it, till it erected itself into a

Making a halt in his reflections at this place, Mr Squeers again put his glass to his lips, and drawing a dirty

letter from his pocket, proceeded to con over its contents with the air of a man who had read it very often, and

now refreshed his memory rather in the absence of better amusement than for any specific information.

'The pigs is well,' said Mr Squeers, 'the cows is well, and the boys is bobbish. Young Sprouter has been

awinking, has he? I'll wink him when I get back. "Cobbey would persist in sniffing while he was aeating

his dinner, and said that the beef was so strong it made him."Very good, Cobbey, we'll see if we can't

make you sniff a little without beef. "Pitcher was took with another fever,"of course he was"and being

fetched by his friends, died the day after he got home,"of course he did, and out of aggravation; it's part of

a deeplaid system. There an't another chap in the school but that boy as would have died exactly at the end

of the quarter: taking it out of me to the very last, and then carrying his spite to the utmost extremity. "The

juniorest Palmer said he wished he was in Heaven." I really don't know, I do NOT know what's to be done

with that young fellow; he's always awishing something horrid. He said once, he wished he was a donkey,

because then he wouldn't have a father as didn't love him! Pretty wicious that for a child of six!'

Mr Squeers was so much moved by the contemplation of this hardened nature in one so young, that he

angrily put up the letter, and sought, in a new train of ideas, a subject of consolation.

'It's a long time to have been alingering in London,' he said; 'and this is a precious hole to come and live in,

even if it has been only for a week or so. Still, one hundred pound is five boys, and five boys takes a whole

year to pay one hundred pounds, and there's their keep to be substracted, besides. There's nothing lost,

neither, by one's being here; because the boys' money comes in just the same as if I was at home, and Mrs

CHAPTER 57. How Ralph Nickleby's Auxiliary went about his Work, and how he prospered with it 498

Squeers she keeps them in order. There'll be some lost time to make up, of course. There'll be an arrear of

flogging as'll have to be gone through: still, a couple of days makes that all right, and one don't mind a little

extra work for one hundred pound. It's pretty nigh the time to wait upon the old woman. From what she said

last night, I suspect that if I'm to succeed at all, I shall succeed tonight; so I'll have half a glass more, to wish

Leering with his one eye as if the lady to whom he drank had been actually present, Mr Squeersin his

enthusiasm, no doubtpoured out a full glass, and emptied it; and as the liquor was raw spirits, and he had

applied himself to the same bottle more than once already, it is not surprising that he found himself, by this

What this purpose was soon appeared; for, after a few turns about the room to steady himself, he took the

bottle under his arm and the glass in his hand, and blowing out the candle as if he purposed being gone some

time, stole out upon the staircase, and creeping softly to a door opposite his own, tapped gently at it.

'But what's the use of tapping?' he said, 'She'll never hear. I suppose she isn't doing anything very particular;

With this brief preface, Mr Squeers applied his hand to the latch of the door, and thrusting his head into a

garret far more deplorable than that he had just left, and seeing that there was nobody there but an old

woman, who was bending over a wretched fire (for although the weather was still warm, the evening was

'Ah! it's me, and me's the first person singular, nominative case, agreeing with the verb "it's", and governed

by Squeers understood, as a acorn, a hour; but when the h is sounded, the a only is to be used, as a and, a art,

a ighway,' replied Mr Squeers, quoting at random from the grammar. 'At least, if it isn't, you don't know any

Delivering this reply in his accustomed tone of voice, in which of course it was inaudible to Peg, Mr Squeers

drew a stool to the fire, and placing himself over against her, and the bottle and glass on the floor between

'So they used to say in that part of the country I come from,' observed Peg, complacently, 'but I think oil's

'Better than what?' roared Squeers, adding some rather strong language in an undertone.

'I never saw such a monster as you are!' muttered Squeers, looking as amiable as he possibly could the while;

for Peg's eye was upon him, and she was chuckling fearfully, as though in delight at having made a choice

CHAPTER 57. How Ralph Nickleby's Auxiliary went about his Work, and how he prospered with it 499

'Well, and do you see THIS?' bawled Squeers. 'This is a glass.' Peg saw that too.

'See here, then,' said Squeers, accompanying his remarks with appropriate action, 'I fill the glass from the

bottle, and I say "Your health, Slider," and empty it; then I rinse it genteelly with a little drop, which I'm

forced to throw into the firehallo! we shall have the chimbley alight nextfill it again, and hand it over to

'She understands that, anyways,' muttered Squeers, watching Mrs Sliderskew as she dispatched her portion,

and choked and gasped in a most awful manner after so doing. 'Now then, let's have a talk. How's the

Mrs Sliderskew, with much blinking and chuckling, and with looks expressive of her strong admiration of Mr

Squeers, his person, manners, and conversation, replied that the rheumatics were better.

'What's the reason,' said Mr Squeers, deriving fresh facetiousness from the bottle; 'what's the reason of

Mrs Sliderskew didn't know, but suggested that it was possibly because they couldn't help it.

'Measles, rheumatics, hoopingcough, fevers, agers, and lumbagers,' said Mr Squeers, 'is all philosophy

together; that's what it is. The heavenly bodies is philosophy, and the earthly bodies is philosophy. If there's a

screw loose in a heavenly body, that's philosophy; and if there's screw loose in a earthly body, that's

philosophy too; or it may be that sometimes there's a little metaphysics in it, but that's not often. Philosophy's

the chap for me. If a parent asks a question in the classical, commercial, or mathematical line, says I, gravely,

"Why, sir, in the first place, are you a philosopher?""No, Mr Squeers," he says, "I an't." "Then, sir," says I,

"I am sorry for you, for I shan't be able to explain it." Naturally, the parent goes away and wishes he was a

Saying this, and a great deal more, with tipsy profundity and a seriocomic air, and keeping his eye all the

time on Mrs Sliderskew, who was unable to hear one word, Mr Squeers concluded by helping himself and

'That's the time of day!' said Mr Squeers. 'You look twenty pound ten better than you did.'

Again Mrs Sliderskew chuckled, but modesty forbade her assenting verbally to the compliment.

'Twenty pound ten better,' repeated Mr Squeers, 'than you did that day when I first introduced myself. Don't

'Did I?' said Squeers; 'well, it was rather a startling thing for a stranger to come and recommend himself by

saying that he knew all about you, and what your name was, and why you were living so quiet here, and what

CHAPTER 57. How Ralph Nickleby's Auxiliary went about his Work, and how he prospered with it 500

'But I know everything that happens in that way, you see,' continued Squeers. 'Nothing takes place, of that

kind, that I an't up to entirely. I'm a sort of a lawyer, Slider, of firstrate standing, and understanding too; I'm

the intimate friend and confidential adwiser of pretty nigh every man, woman, and child that gets themselves

Mr Squeers's catalogue of his own merits and accomplishments, which was partly the result of a concerted

plan between himself and Ralph Nickleby, and flowed, in part, from the black bottle, was here interrupted by

'Ha, ha, ha!' she cried, folding her arms and wagging her head; 'and so he wasn't married after all, wasn't he.

'From under his very nose,' replied Squeers; 'and I'm told the young chap cut up rough besides, and broke the

'Tell me all about it again,' cried Peg, with a malicious relish of her old master's defeat, which made her

natural hideousness something quite fearful; 'let's hear it all again, beginning at the beginning now, as if you'd

never told me. Let's have it every word nownowbeginning at the very first, you know, when he went

Mr Squeers, plying Mrs Sliderskew freely with the liquor, and sustaining himself under the exertion of

speaking so loud by frequent applications to it himself, complied with this request by describing the

discomfiture of Arthur Gride, with such improvements on the truth as happened to occur to him, and the

ingenious invention and application of which had been very instrumental in recommending him to her notice

in the beginning of their acquaintance. Mrs Sliderskew was in an ecstasy of delight, rolling her head about,

drawing up her skinny shoulders, and wrinkling her cadaverous face into so many and such complicated

forms of ugliness, as awakened the unbounded astonishment and disgust even of Mr Squeers.

'He's a treacherous old goat,' said Peg, 'and cozened me with cunning tricks and lying promises, but never

'More than even, Slider,' returned Squeers; 'you'd have been even with him if he'd got married; but with the

disappointment besides, you're a long way ahead. Out of sight, Slider, quite out of sight. And that reminds

me,' he added, handing her the glass, 'if you want me to give you my opinion of them deeds, and tell you what

'Oh! very well!' observed Squeers, 'it don't matter to me; you asked me, you know. I shouldn't charge you

nothing, being a friend. You're the best judge of course. But you're a bold woman, Slider.'

'Why, I only mean that if it was me, I wouldn't keep papers as might hang me, littering about when they

might be turned into moneythem as wasn't useful made away with, and them as was, laid by somewheres,

CHAPTER 57. How Ralph Nickleby's Auxiliary went about his Work, and how he prospered with it 501

safe; that's all,' returned Squeers; 'but everybody's the best judge of their own affairs. All I say is, Slider, I

'I don't want to see 'em,' replied Squeers, affecting to be out of humour; 'don't talk as if it was a treat. Show

Mr Squeers would, very likely, have carried on the farce of being offended a little longer, if Mrs Sliderskew,

in her anxiety to restore herself to her former high position in his good graces, had not become so extremely

affectionate that he stood at some risk of being smothered by her caresses. Repressing, with as good a grace

as possible, these little familiaritiesfor which, there is reason to believe, the black bottle was at least as

much to blame as any constitutional infirmity on the part of Mrs Sliderskewhe protested that he had only

been joking: and, in proof of his unimpaired good humour, that he was ready to examine the deeds at once,

if, by so doing, he could afford any satisfaction or relief of mind to his fair friend.

'And now you're up, my Slider,' bawled Squeers, as she rose to fetch them, 'bolt the door.'

Peg trotted to the door, and after fumbling at the bolt, crept to the other end of the room, and from beneath the

coals which filled the bottom of the cupboard, drew forth a small deal box. Having placed this on the floor at

Squeers's feet, she brought, from under the pillow of her bed, a small key, with which she signed to that

gentleman to open it. Mr Squeers, who had eagerly followed her every motion, lost no time in obeying this

hint: and, throwing back the lid, gazed with rapture on the documents which lay within.

'Now you see,' said Peg, kneeling down on the floor beside him, and staying his impatient hand; 'what's of no

use we'll burn; what we can get any money by, we'll keep; and if there's any we could get him into trouble by,

and fret and waste away his heart to shreds, those we'll take particular care of; for that's what I want to do,

'I thought,' said Squeers, 'that you didn't bear him any particular goodwill. But, I say, why didn't you take

'Some money,' roared Squeers. 'I do believe the woman hears me, and wants to make me break a wessel, so

'Why, what a man you are to ask!' cried Peg, with some contempt. 'If I had taken money from Arthur Gride,

he'd have scoured the whole earth to find meaye, and he'd have smelt it out, and raked it up, somehow, if I

had buried it at the bottom of the deepest well in England. No, no! I knew better than that. I took what I

thought his secrets were hid in: and them he couldn't afford to make public, let'em be worth ever so much

money. He's an old dog; a sly, old, cunning, thankless dog! He first starved, and then tricked me; and if I

'All right, and very laudable,' said Squeers. 'But, first and foremost, Slider, burn the box. You should never

keep things as may lead to discovery. Always mind that. So while you pull it to pieces (which you can easily

do, for it's very old and rickety) and burn it in little bits, I'll look over the papers and tell you what they are.'

Peg, expressing her acquiescence in this arrangement, Mr Squeers turned the box bottom upwards, and

tumbling the contents upon the floor, handed it to her; the destruction of the box being an extemporary device

for engaging her attention, in case it should prove desirable to distract it from his own proceedings.

CHAPTER 57. How Ralph Nickleby's Auxiliary went about his Work, and how he prospered with it 502

'There!' said Squeers; 'you poke the pieces between the bars, and make up a good fire, and I'll read the while.

Let me see, let me see.' And taking the candle down beside him, Mr Squeers, with great eagerness and a

If the old woman had not been very deaf, she must have heard, when she last went to the door, the breathing

of two persons close behind it: and if those two persons had been unacquainted with her infirmity, they must

probably have chosen that moment either for presenting themselves or taking to flight. But, knowing with

whom they had to deal, they remained quite still, and now, not only appeared unobserved at the doorwhich

was not bolted, for the bolt had no haspbut warily, and with noiseless footsteps, advanced into the room.

As they stole farther and farther in by slight and scarcely perceptible degrees, and with such caution that they

scarcely seemed to breathe, the old hag and Squeers little dreaming of any such invasion, and utterly

unconscious of there being any soul near but themselves, were busily occupied with their tasks. The old

woman, with her wrinkled face close to the bars of the stove, puffing at the dull embers which had not yet

caught the wood; Squeers stooping down to the candle, which brought out the full ugliness of his face, as the

light of the fire did that of his companion; both intently engaged, and wearing faces of exultation which

contrasted strongly with the anxious looks of those behind, who took advantage of the slightest sound to

cover their advance, and, almost before they had moved an inch, and all was silent, stopped again. This, with

the large bare room, damp walls, and flickering doubtful light, combined to form a scene which the most

careless and indifferent spectator (could any have been present) could scarcely have failed to derive some

Of the stealthy comers, Frank Cheeryble was one, and Newman Noggs the other. Newman had caught up, by

the rusty nozzle, an old pair of bellows, which were just undergoing a flourish in the air preparatory to a

descent upon the head of Mr Squeers, when Frank, with an earnest gesture, stayed his arm, and, taking

another step in advance, came so close behind the schoolmaster that, by leaning slightly forward, he could

Mr Squeers, not being remarkably erudite, appeared to be considerably puzzled by this first prize, which was

in an engrossing hand, and not very legible except to a practised eye. Having tried it by reading from left to

right, and from right to left, and finding it equally clear both ways, he turned it upside down with no better

'Ha, ha, ha!' chuckled Peg, who, on her knees before the fire, was feeding it with fragments of the box, and

'Nothing particular,' replied Squeers, tossing it towards her. 'It's only an old lease, as well as I can make out.

'This,' said Squeers, 'is a bundle of overdue acceptances and renewed bills of six or eight young gentlemen,

but they're all MPs, so it's of no use to anybody. Throw it in the fire!' Peg did as she was bidden, and waited

'This,' said Squeers, 'seems to be some deed of sale of the right of presentation to the rectory of Purechurch,

in the valley of Cashup. Take care of that, Slider, literally for God's sake. It'll fetch its price at the Auction

CHAPTER 57. How Ralph Nickleby's Auxiliary went about his Work, and how he prospered with it 503

'Why, this,' said Squeers, 'seems, from the two letters that's with it, to be a bond from a curate down in the

country, to pay half a year's wages of forty pound for borrowing twenty. Take care of that, for if he don't pay

it, his bishop will very soon be down upon him. We know what the camel and the needle's eye means; no

man as can't live upon his income, whatever it is, must expect to go to heaven at any price. It's very odd; I

Newman raised the bellows again. Once more, Frank, by a rapid motion of his arm, unaccompanied by any

'Here you are,' said Squeers, 'bondstake care of them. Warrant of attorneytake care of that. Two

cognovitstake care of them. Lease and releaseburn that. Ah! "Madeline Braycome of age or

Eagerly throwing towards the old woman a parchment that he caught up for the purpose, Squeers, as she

turned her head, thrust into the breast of his large coat, the deed in which these words had caught his eye, and

'I've got it!' said Squeers. 'I've got it! Hurrah! The plan was a good one, though the chance was desperate, and

Peg demanded what he laughed at, but no answer was returned. Newman's arm could no longer be restrained;

the bellows, descending heavily and with unerring aim on the very centre of Mr Squeers's head, felled him to

Dividing the distance into two days' journey, in order that his charge might sustain the less exhaustion and

fatigue from travelling so far, Nicholas, at the end of the second day from their leaving home, found himself

within a very few miles of the spot where the happiest years of his life had been passed, and which, while it

filled his mind with pleasant and peaceful thoughts, brought back many painful and vivid recollections of the

circumstances in which he and his had wandered forth from their old home, cast upon the rough world and

It needed no such reflections as those which the memory of old days, and wanderings among scenes where

our childhood has been passed, usually awaken in the most insensible minds, to soften the heart of Nicholas,

and render him more than usually mindful of his drooping friend. By night and day, at all times and seasons:

always watchful, attentive, and solicitous, and never varying in the discharge of his selfimposed duty to one

so friendless and helpless as he whose sands of life were now fast running out and dwindling rapidly away:

he was ever at his side. He never left him. To encourage and animate him, administer to his wants, support

and cheer him to the utmost of his power, was now his constant and unceasing occupation.

They procured a humble lodging in a small farmhouse, surrounded by meadows where Nicholas had often

revelled when a child with a troop of merry schoolfellows; and here they took up their rest.

At first, Smike was strong enough to walk about, for short distances at a time, with no other support or aid

than that which Nicholas could afford him. At this time, nothing appeared to interest him so much as visiting

those places which had been most familiar to his friend in bygone days. Yielding to this fancy, and pleased to

find that its indulgence beguiled the sick boy of many tedious hours, and never failed to afford him matter for

thought and conversation afterwards, Nicholas made such spots the scenes of their daily rambles: driving him

from place to place in a little ponychair, and supporting him on his arm while they walked slowly among

these old haunts, or lingered in the sunlight to take long parting looks of those which were most quiet and

It was on such occasions as these, that Nicholas, yielding almost unconsciously to the interest of old

associations, would point out some tree that he had climbed, a hundred times, to peep at the young birds in

their nest; and the branch from which he used to shout to little Kate, who stood below terrified at the height

he had gained, and yet urging him higher still by the intensity of her admiration. There was the old house too,

which they would pass every day, looking up at the tiny window through which the sun used to stream in and

wake him on the summer morningsthey were all summer mornings thenand climbing up the

gardenwall and looking over, Nicholas could see the very rosebush which had come, a present to Kate,

from some little lover, and she had planted with her own hands. There were the hedgerows where the brother

and sister had so often gathered wild flowers together, and the green fields and shady paths where they had so

often strayed. There was not a lane, or brook, or copse, or cottage near, with which some childish event was

not entwined, and back it came upon the mindas events of childhood donothing in itself: perhaps a

word, a laugh, a look, some slight distress, a passing thought or fear: and yet more strongly and distinctly

marked, and better remembered, than the hardest trials or severest sorrows of a year ago.

One of these expeditions led them through the churchyard where was his father's grave. 'Even here,' said

Nicholas softly, 'we used to loiter before we knew what death was, and when we little thought whose ashes

would rest beneath; and, wondering at the silence, sit down to rest and speak below our breath. Once, Kate

was lost, and after an hour of fruitless search, they found her, fast asleep, under that tree which shades my

father's grave. He was very fond of her, and said when he took her up in his arms, still sleeping, that

whenever he died he would wish to be buried where his dear little child had laid her head. You see his wish

Nothing more passed at the time, but that night, as Nicholas sat beside his bed, Smike started from what had

seemed to be a slumber, and laying his hand in his, prayed, as the tears coursed down his face, that he would

'What is that?' said Nicholas, kindly. 'If I can redeem it, or hope to do so, you know I will.'

'I am sure you will,' was the reply. 'Promise me that when I die, I shall be buried nearas near as they can

Nicholas gave the promise; he had few words to give it in, but they were solemn and earnest. His poor friend

kept his hand in his, and turned as if to sleep. But there were stifled sobs; and the hand was pressed more than

In a fortnight's time, he became too ill to move about. Once or twice, Nicholas drove him out, propped up

with pillows; but the motion of the chaise was painful to him, and brought on fits of fainting, which, in his

weakened state, were dangerous. There was an old couch in the house, which was his favourite restingplace

by day; and when the sun shone, and the weather was warm, Nicholas had this wheeled into a little orchard

which was close at hand, and his charge being well wrapped up and carried out to it, they used to sit there

It was on one of these occasions that a circumstance took place, which Nicholas, at the time, thoroughly

believed to be the mere delusion of an imagination affected by disease; but which he had, afterwards, too

He had brought Smike out in his armspoor fellow! a child might have carried him thento see the sunset,

and, having arranged his couch, had taken his seat beside it. He had been watching the whole of the night

before, and being greatly fatigued both in mind and body, gradually fell asleep.

He could not have closed his eyes five minutes, when he was awakened by a scream, and starting up in that

kind of terror which affects a person suddenly roused, saw, to his great astonishment, that his charge had

struggled into a sitting posture, and with eyes almost starting from their sockets, cold dew standing on his

forehead, and in a fit of trembling which quite convulsed his frame, was calling to him for help.

'Good Heaven, what is this?' said Nicholas, bending over him. 'Be calm; you have been dreaming.'

'No, no, no!' cried Smike, clinging to him. 'Hold me tight. Don't let me go. There, there. Behind the tree!'

Nicholas followed his eyes, which were directed to some distance behind the chair from which he himself

'This is nothing but your fancy,' he said, as he strove to compose him; 'nothing else, indeed.'

'I know better. I saw as plain as I see now,' was the answer. 'Oh! say you'll keep me with you. Swear you

'Do I ever leave you?' returned Nicholas. 'Lie down againthere! You see I'm here. Now, tell me; what was

'Do you remember,' said Smike, in a low voice, and glancing fearfully round, 'do you remember my telling

'I raised my eyes, just now, towards that treethat one with the thick trunkand there, with his eyes fixed

'Only reflect for one moment,' said Nicholas; 'granting, for an instant, that it's likely he is alive and wandering

about a lonely place like this, so far removed from the public road, do you think that at this distance of time

'Anywherein any dress,' returned Smike; 'but, just now, he stood leaning upon his stick and looking at me,

exactly as I told you I remembered him. He was dusty with walking, and poorly dressedI think his clothes

were raggedbut directly I saw him, the wet night, his face when he left me, the parlour I was left in, and

the people that were there, all seemed to come back together. When he knew I saw him, he looked frightened;

for he started, and shrunk away. I have thought of him by day, and dreamt of him by night. He looked in my

sleep, when I was quite a little child, and has looked in my sleep ever since, as he did just now.'

Nicholas endeavoured, by every persuasion and argument he could think of, to convince the terrified creature

that his imagination had deceived him, and that this close resemblance between the creation of his dreams

and the man he supposed he had seen was but a proof of it; but all in vain. When he could persuade him to

remain, for a few moments, in the care of the people to whom the house belonged, he instituted a strict

inquiry whether any stranger had been seen, and searched himself behind the tree, and through the orchard,

and upon the land immediately adjoining, and in every place near, where it was possible for a man to lie

concealed; but all in vain. Satisfied that he was right in his original conjecture, he applied himself to calming

the fears of Smike, which, after some time, he partially succeeded in doing, though not in removing the

impression upon his mind; for he still declared, again and again, in the most solemn and fervid manner, that

he had positively seen what he had described, and that nothing could ever remove his conviction of its reality.

And now, Nicholas began to see that hope was gone, and that, upon the partner of his poverty, and the sharer

of his better fortune, the world was closing fast. There was little pain, little uneasiness, but there was no

rallying, no effort, no struggle for life. He was worn and wasted to the last degree; his voice had sunk so low,

that he could scarce be heard to speak. Nature was thoroughly exhausted, and he had lain him down to die.

On a fine, mild autumn day, when all was tranquil and at peace: when the soft sweet air crept in at the open

window of the quiet room, and not a sound was heard but the gentle rustling of the leaves: Nicholas sat in his

old place by the bedside, and knew that the time was nearly come. So very still it was, that, every now and

then, he bent down his ear to listen for the breathing of him who lay asleep, as if to assure himself that life

was still there, and that he had not fallen into that deep slumber from which on earth there is no waking.

While he was thus employed, the closed eyes opened, and on the pale face there came a placid smile.

'I have had such pleasant dreams,' was the answer. 'Such pleasant, happy dreams!'

The dying boy turned towards him, and, putting his arm about his neck, made answer, 'I shall soon be there!'

'I am not afraid to die,' he said. 'I am quite contented. I almost think that if I could rise from this bed quite

well I would not wish to do so, now. You have so often told me we shall meet againso very often lately,

and now I feel the truth of that so strongly that I can even bear to part from you.'

The trembling voice and tearful eye, and the closer grasp of the arm which accompanied these latter words,

showed how they filled the speaker's heart; nor were there wanting indications of how deeply they had

'You say well,' returned Nicholas at length, 'and comfort me very much, dear fellow. Let me hear you say you

'I must tell you something, first. I should not have a secret from you. You would not blame me, at a time like

'I am sure you would not. You asked me why I was so changed, and and sat so much alone. Shall I tell you

'Not if it pains you,' said Nicholas. 'I only asked that I might make you happier, if I could.'

'I know. I felt that, at the time.' He drew his friend closer to him. 'You will forgive me; I could not help it, but

though I would have died to make her happy, it broke my heart to seeI know he loves her dearlyOh!

The words which followed were feebly and faintly uttered, and broken by long pauses; but, from them,

Nicholas learnt, for the first time, that the dying boy, with all the ardour of a nature concentrated on one

He had procured a lock of her hair, which hung at his breast, folded in one or two slight ribbons she had

worn. He prayed that, when he was dead, Nicholas would take it off, so that no eyes but his might see it, and

that when he was laid in his coffin and about to be placed in the earth, he would hang it round his neck again,

Upon his knees Nicholas gave him this pledge, and promised again that he should rest in the spot he had

He fell into a light slumber, and waking smiled as before; then, spoke of beautiful gardens, which he said

stretched out before him, and were filled with figures of men, women, and many children, all with light upon

Ralph sat alone, in the solitary room where he was accustomed to take his meals, and to sit of nights when no

profitable occupation called him abroad. Before him was an untasted breakfast, and near to where his fingers

beat restlessly upon the table, lay his watch. It was long past the time at which, for many years, he had put it

in his pocket and gone with measured steps downstairs to the business of the day, but he took as little heed of

its monotonous warning, as of the meat and drink before him, and remained with his head resting on one

This departure from his regular and constant habit, in one so regular and unvarying in all that appertained to

the daily pursuit of riches, would almost of itself have told that the usurer was not well. That he laboured

under some mental or bodily indisposition, and that it was one of no slight kind so to affect a man like him,

was sufficiently shown by his haggard face, jaded air, and hollow languid eyes: which he raised at last with a

start and a hasty glance around him, as one who suddenly awakes from sleep, and cannot immediately

'What is this,' he said, 'that hangs over me, and I cannot shake off? I have never pampered myself, and should

not be ill. I have never moped, and pined, and yielded to fancies; but what CAN a man do without rest?'

'Night after night comes and goes, and I have no rest. If I sleep, what rest is that which is disturbed by

constant dreams of the same detested faces crowding round meof the same detested people, in every

variety of action, mingling with all I say and do, and always to my defeat? Waking, what rest have I,

constantly haunted by this heavy shadow ofI know not whatwhich is its worst character? I must have

Pushing the table from him while he spoke, as though he loathed the sight of food, he encountered the watch:

'This is strange!' he said; 'noon, and Noggs not here! What drunken brawl keeps him away? I would give

CHAPTER 59. The Plots begin to fail, and Doubts and Dangers to disturb the Plotter 508

something nowsomething in money even after that dreadful lossif he had stabbed a man in a tavern

scuffle, or broken into a house, or picked a pocket, or done anything that would send him abroad with an iron

ring upon his leg, and rid me of him. Better still, if I could throw temptation in his way, and lure him on to

rob me. He should be welcome to what he took, so I brought the law upon him; for he is a traitor, I swear!

After waiting for another halfhour, he dispatched the woman who kept his house to Newman's lodging, to

inquire if he were ill, and why he had not come or sent. She brought back answer that he had not been home

'But there is a gentleman, sir,' she said, 'below, who was standing at the door when I came in, and he says'

'What says he?' demanded Ralph, turning angrily upon her. 'I told you I would see nobody.'

'He says,' replied the woman, abashed by his harshness, 'that he comes on very particular business which

'About what, in the devil's name?' said Ralph. 'You spy and speculate on people's business with me, do you?'

'Dear, no, sir! I saw you were anxious, and thought it might be about Mr Noggs; that's all.'

'Saw I was anxious!' muttered Ralph; 'they all watch me, now. Where is this person? You did not say I was

The woman replied that he was in the little office, and that she had said her master was engaged, but she

'Well,' said Ralph, 'I'll see him. Go you to your kitchen, and keep there. Do you mind me?'

Glad to be released, the woman quickly disappeared. Collecting himself, and assuming as much of his

accustomed manner as his utmost resolution could summon, Ralph descended the stairs. After pausing for a

few moments, with his hand upon the lock, he entered Newman's room, and confronted Mr Charles

Of all men alive, this was one of the last he would have wished to meet at any time; but, now that he

recognised in him only the patron and protector of Nicholas, he would rather have seen a spectre. One

beneficial effect, however, the encounter had upon him. It instantly roused all his dormant energies; rekindled

in his breast the passions that, for many years, had found an improving home there; called up all his wrath,

hatred, and malice; restored the sneer to his lip, and the scowl to his brow; and made him again, in all

outward appearance, the same Ralph Nickleby whom so many had bitter cause to remember.

'Men say you are truth itself, sir,' replied Ralph. 'You speak truth now, at all events, and I'll not contradict

you. The favour is, at least, as unwelcome as it is unexpected. I can scarcely say more.'

'Plainly, sir,' interrupted Ralph, 'I wish this conference to be a short one, and to end where it begins. I guess

CHAPTER 59. The Plots begin to fail, and Doubts and Dangers to disturb the Plotter 509

the subject upon which you are about to speak, and I'll not hear you. You like plainness, I believe; there it is.

Here is the door as you see. Our way lies in very different directions. Take yours, I beg of you, and leave me

'In quiet!' repeated brother Charles mildly, and looking at him with more of pity than reproach. 'To pursue

'You will scarcely remain in my house, I presume, sir, against my will,' said Ralph; 'or you can scarcely hope

to make an impression upon a man who closes his ears to all that you can say, and is firmly and resolutely

'Mr Nickleby, sir,' returned brother Charles: no less mildly than before, but firmly too: 'I come here against

my will, sorely and grievously against my will. I have never been in this house before; and, to speak my

mind, sir, I don't feel at home or easy in it, and have no wish ever to be here again. You do not guess the

subject on which I come to speak to you; you do not indeed. I am sure of that, or your manner would be a

Ralph glanced keenly at him, but the clear eye and open countenance of the honest old merchant underwent

'Oh, by all means, if you please,' returned Ralph drily. 'Here are walls to speak to, sir, a desk, and two stools:

most attentive auditors, and certain not to interrupt you. Go on, I beg; make my house yours, and perhaps by

the time I return from my walk, you will have finished what you have to say, and will yield me up possession

So saying, he buttoned his coat, and turning into the passage, took down his hat. The old gentleman followed,

'Not a word. I tell you, sir, not a word. Virtuous as you are, you are not an angel yet, to appear in men's

houses whether they will or no, and pour your speech into unwilling ears. Preach to the walls I tell you; not to

'I am no angel, Heaven knows,' returned brother Charles, shaking his head, 'but an erring and imperfect man;

nevertheless, there is one quality which all men have, in common with the angels, blessed opportunities of

exercising, if they will; mercy. It is an errand of mercy that brings me here. Pray let me discharge it.'

'I show no mercy,' retorted Ralph with a triumphant smile, 'and I ask none. Seek no mercy from me, sir, in

behalf of the fellow who has imposed upon your childish credulity, but let him expect the worst that I can do.'

'HE ask mercy at your hands!' exclaimed the old merchant warmly; 'ask it at his, sir; ask it at his. If you will

not hear me now, when you may, hear me when you must, or anticipate what I would say, and take measures

to prevent our ever meeting again. Your nephew is a noble lad, sir, an honest, noble lad. What you are, Mr

Nickleby, I will not say; but what you have done, I know. Now, sir, when you go about the business in which

you have been recently engaged, and find it difficult of pursuing, come to me and my brother Ned, and Tim

Linkinwater, sir, and we'll explain it for youand come soon, or it may be too late, and you may have it

explained with a little more roughness, and a little less delicacyand never forget, sir, that I came here this

morning, in mercy to you, and am still ready to talk to you in the same spirit.'

With these words, uttered with great emphasis and emotion, brother Charles put on his broadbrimmed hat,

CHAPTER 59. The Plots begin to fail, and Doubts and Dangers to disturb the Plotter 510

and, passing Ralph Nickleby without any other remark, trotted nimbly into the street. Ralph looked after him,

but neither moved nor spoke for some time: when he broke what almost seemed the silence of stupefaction,

'This,' he said, 'from its wildness, should be another of those dreams that have so broken my rest of late. In

Although he expressed himself in this derisive and contemptuous manner, it was plain that, the more Ralph

pondered, the more ill at ease he became, and the more he laboured under some vague anxiety and alarm,

which increased as the time passed on and no tidings of Newman Noggs arrived. After waiting until late in

the afternoon, tortured by various apprehensions and misgivings, and the recollection of the warning which

his nephew had given him when they last met: the further confirmation of which now presented itself in one

shape of probability, now in another, and haunted him perpetually: he left home, and, scarcely knowing why,

save that he was in a suspicious and agitated mood, betook himself to Snawley's house. His wife presented

'No,' she said sharply, 'he is not indeed, and I don't think he will be at home for a very long time; that's more.'

'Oh yes, I know you very well; too well, perhaps, and perhaps he does too, and sorry am I that I should have

'Tell him that I saw him through the windowblind above, as I crossed the road just now, and that I would

'I knew this woman was a hypocrite, in the way of psalms and Scripture phrases,' said Ralph, passing quietly

'Stop! You don't come in here,' said Mr Snawley's betterhalf, interposing her person, which was a robust

one, in the doorway. 'You have said more than enough to him on business, before now. I always told him

what dealing with you and working out your schemes would come to. It was either you or the

schoolmasterone of you, or the two between youthat got the forged letter done; remember that! That

'Ah, I know when to hold my tongue, and when to speak, Mr Nickleby,' retorted the dame. 'Take care that

'You jade,' said Ralph, 'if your husband has been idiot enough to trust you with his secrets, keep them; keep

'Not so much his secrets as other people's secrets, perhaps,' retorted the woman; 'not so much his secrets as

yours. None of your black looks at me! You'll want 'em all, perhaps, for another time. You had better keep

'Will you,' said Ralph, suppressing his passion as well as he could, and clutching her tightly by the wrist; 'will

you go to your husband and tell him that I know he is at home, and that I must see him? And will you tell me

CHAPTER 59. The Plots begin to fail, and Doubts and Dangers to disturb the Plotter 511

For an instant Ralph had his hand raised, as though he were about to strike her; but, checking himself, and

nodding his head and muttering as though to assure her he would not forget this, walked away.

Thence, he went straight to the inn which Mr Squeers frequented, and inquired when he had been there last;

in the vague hope that, successful or unsuccessful, he might, by this time, have returned from his mission and

be able to assure him that all was safe. But Mr Squeers had not been there for ten days, and all that the people

Disturbed by a thousand fears and surmises, and bent upon ascertaining whether Squeers had any suspicion of

Snawley, or was, in any way, a party to this altered behaviour, Ralph determined to hazard the extreme step

of inquiring for him at the Lambeth lodging, and having an interview with him even there. Bent upon this

purpose, and in that mood in which delay is insupportable, he repaired at once to the place; and being, by

description, perfectly acquainted with the situation of his room, crept upstairs and knocked gently at the door.

Not one, nor two, nor three, nor yet a dozen knocks, served to convince Ralph, against his wish, that there

was nobody inside. He reasoned that he might be asleep; and, listening, almost persuaded himself that he

could hear him breathe. Even when he was satisfied that he could not be there, he sat patiently on a broken

stair and waited; arguing, that he had gone out upon some slight errand, and must soon return.

Many feet came up the creaking stairs; and the step of some seemed to his listening ear so like that of the man

for whom he waited, that Ralph often stood up to be ready to address him when he reached the top; but, one

by one, each person turned off into some room short of the place where he was stationed: and at every such

At length he felt it was hopeless to remain, and going downstairs again, inquired of one of the lodgers if he

knew anything of Mr Squeers's movementsmentioning that worthy by an assumed name which had been

agreed upon between them. By this lodger he was referred to another, and by him to someone else, from

whom he learnt, that, late on the previous night, he had gone out hastily with two men, who had shortly

afterwards returned for the old woman who lived on the same floor; and that, although the circumstance had

attracted the attention of the informant, he had not spoken to them at the time, nor made any inquiry

This possessed him with the idea that, perhaps, Peg Sliderskew had been apprehended for the robbery, and

that Mr Squeers, being with her at the time, had been apprehended also, on suspicion of being a confederate.

If this were so, the fact must be known to Gride; and to Gride's house he directed his steps; now thoroughly

alarmed, and fearful that there were indeed plots afoot, tending to his discomfiture and ruin.

Arrived at the usurer's house, he found the windows close shut, the dingy blinds drawn down; all was silent,

melancholy, and deserted. But this was its usual aspect. He knockedgently at firstthen loud and

vigorously. Nobody came. He wrote a few words in pencil on a card, and having thrust it under the door was

going away, when a noise above, as though a windowsash were stealthily raised, caught his ear, and looking

up he could just discern the face of Gride himself, cautiously peering over the house parapet from the window

of the garret. Seeing who was below, he drew it in again; not so quickly, however, but that Ralph let him

CHAPTER 59. The Plots begin to fail, and Doubts and Dangers to disturb the Plotter 512

The call being repeated, Gride looked out again, so cautiously that no part of the old man's body was visible.

The sharp features and white hair appearing alone, above the parapet, looked like a severed head garnishing

'Go away!' squeaked Gride, shaking his head in a sort of ecstasy of impatience. 'Don't speak to me, don't

'I'll knock, I swear, till I have your neighbours up in arms,' said Ralph, 'if you don't tell me what you mean by

'I can't hear what you saydon't talk to meit isn't safego awaygo away!' returned Gride.

'Nooooo,' snarled Gride. He drew in his head; and Ralph, left standing in the street, could hear the

'How is this,' said he, 'that they all fall from me, and shun me like the plague, these men who have licked the

dust from my feet? IS my day past, and is this indeed the coming on of night? I'll know what it means! I will,

at any cost. I am firmer and more myself, just now, than I have been these many days.'

Turning from the door, which, in the first transport of his rage, he had meditated battering upon until Gride's

very fears should impel him to open it, he turned his face towards the city, and working his way steadily

through the crowd which was pouring from it (it was by this time between five and six o'clock in the

afternoon) went straight to the house of business of the brothers Cheeryble, and putting his head into the glass

'You shall see,' said Tim, getting off his stool with great agility, 'you shall see, not only Mr Charles, but Mr

Tim stopped, looked steadily and severely at Ralph, nodded his head once, in a curt manner which seemed to

say there was a little more behind, and vanished. After a short interval, he returned, and, ushering Ralph into

'I want to speak to you, who spoke to me this morning,' said Ralph, pointing out with his finger the man

CHAPTER 59. The Plots begin to fail, and Doubts and Dangers to disturb the Plotter 513

'I have no secrets from my brother Ned, or from Tim Linkinwater,' observed brother Charles quietly.

'Mr Nickleby, sir,' said brother Ned, 'the matter upon which my brother Charles called upon you this morning

is one which is already perfectly well known to us three, and to others besides, and must unhappily soon

become known to a great many more. He waited upon you, sir, this morning, alone, as a matter of delicacy

and consideration. We feel, now, that further delicacy and consideration would be misplaced; and, if we

'Well, gentlemen,' said Ralph with a curl of the lip, 'talking in riddles would seem to be the peculiar forte of

you two, and I suppose your clerk, like a prudent man, has studied the art also with a view to your good

'Humour!' cried Tim Linkinwater, suddenly growing very red in the face. 'He'll humour us! He'll humour

Cheeryble Brothers! Do you hear that? Do you hear him? DO you hear him say he'll humour Cheeryble

Tim, taking the hint, stifled his indignation as well as he could, and suffered it to escape through his

spectacles, with the additional safetyvalve of a short hysterical laugh now and then, which seemed to relieve

'As nobody bids me to a seat,' said Ralph, looking round, 'I'll take one, for I am fatigued with walking. And

now, if you please, gentlemen, I wish to knowI demand to know; I have the rightwhat you have to say

to me, which justifies such a tone as you have assumed, and that underhand interference in my affairs which,

I have reason to suppose, you have been practising. I tell you plainly, gentlemen, that little as I care for the

opinion of the world (as the slang goes), I don't choose to submit quietly to slander and malice. Whether you

suffer yourselves to be imposed upon too easily, or wilfully make yourselves parties to it, the result to me is

the same. In either case, you can't expect from a plain man like myself much consideration or forbearance.'

So coolly and deliberately was this said, that nine men out of ten, ignorant of the circumstances, would have

supposed Ralph to be really an injured man. There he sat, with folded arms; paler than usual, certainly, and

sufficiently illfavoured, but quite collectedfar more so than the brothers or the exasperated Timand

'Very well, sir,' said brother Charles. 'Very well. Brother Ned, will you ring the bell?'

'Charles, my dear fellow! stop one instant,' returned the other. 'It will be better for Mr Nickleby and for our

object that he should remain silent, if he can, till we have said what we have to say. I wish him to understand

Ralph smiled, but made no reply. The bell was rung; the roomdoor opened; a man came in, with a halting

walk; and, looking round, Ralph's eyes met those of Newman Noggs. From that moment, his heart began to

CHAPTER 59. The Plots begin to fail, and Doubts and Dangers to disturb the Plotter 514

'This is a good beginning,' he said bitterly. 'Oh! this is a good beginning. You are candid, honest,

openhearted, fairdealing men! I always knew the real worth of such characters as yours! To tamper with a

fellow like this, who would sell his soul (if he had one) for drink, and whose every word is a lie. What men

'I WILL speak,' cried Newman, standing on tiptoe to look over Tim's head, who had interposed to prevent

him. 'Hallo, you sirold Nickleby!what do you mean when you talk of "a fellow like this"? Who made

me "a fellow like this"? If I would sell my soul for drink, why wasn't I a thief, swindler, housebreaker, area

sneak, robber of pence out of the trays of blind men's dogs, rather than your drudge and packhorse? If my

every word was a lie, why wasn't I a pet and favourite of yours? Lie! When did I ever cringe and fawn to you.

Tell me that! I served you faithfully. I did more work, because I was poor, and took more hard words from

you because I despised you and them, than any man you could have got from the parish workhouse. I did. I

served you because I was proud; because I was a lonely man with you, and there were no other drudges to see

my degradation; and because nobody knew, better than you, that I was a ruined man: that I hadn't always

been what I am: and that I might have been better off, if I hadn't been a fool and fallen into the hands of you

'I said I wouldn't!' cried Newman, thrusting him aside, and moving his hand as Tim moved, so as to keep him

at arm's length; 'don't tell me! Here, you Nickleby! Don't pretend not to mind me; it won't do; I know better.

You were talking of tampering, just now. Who tampered with Yorkshire schoolmasters, and, while they sent

the drudge out, that he shouldn't overhear, forgot that such great caution might render him suspicious, and

that he might watch his master out at nights, and might set other eyes to watch the schoolmaster? Who

tampered with a selfish father, urging him to sell his daughter to old Arthur Gride, and tampered with Gride

Ralph had put a great command upon himself; but he could not have suppressed a slight start, if he had been

'Aha!' cried Newman, 'you mind me now, do you? What first set this fag to be jealous of his master's actions,

and to feel that, if he hadn't crossed him when he might, he would have been as bad as he, or worse? That

master's cruel treatment of his own flesh and blood, and vile designs upon a young girl who interested even

his broken down, drunken, miserable hack, and made him linger in his service, in the hope of doing her

some good (as, thank God, he had done others once or twice before), when he would, otherwise, have

relieved his feelings by pummelling his master soundly, and then going to the Devil. He wouldmark that;

and mark thisthat I'm here now, because these gentlemen thought it best. When I sought them out (as I did;

there was no tampering with me), I told them I wanted help to find you out, to trace you down, to go through

with what I had begun, to help the right; and that when I had done it, I'd burst into your room and tell you all,

face to face, man to man, and like a man. Now I've said my say, and let anybody else say theirs, and fire

With this concluding sentiment, Newman Noggs, who had been perpetually sitting down and getting up again

all through his speech, which he had delivered in a series of jerks; and who was, from the violent exercise and

the excitement combined, in a state of most intense and fiery heat; became, without passing through any

intermediate stage, stiff, upright, and motionless, and so remained, staring at Ralph Nickleby with all his

Ralph looked at him for an instant, and for an instant only; then, waved his hand, and beating the ground with

CHAPTER 59. The Plots begin to fail, and Doubts and Dangers to disturb the Plotter 515

'Go on, gentlemen, go on! I'm patient, you see. There's law to be had, there's law. I shall call you to an

'The proof is ready,' returned brother Charles, 'quite ready to our hands. The man Snawley, last night, made a

'Who may "the man Snawley" be,' returned Ralph, 'and what may his "confession" have to do with my

To this inquiry, put with a dogged inflexibility of manner, the old gentleman returned no answer, but went on

to say, that to show him how much they were in earnest, it would be necessary to tell him, not only what

accusations were made against him, but what proof of them they had, and how that proof had been acquired.

This laying open of the whole question brought up brother Ned, Tim Linkinwater, and Newman Noggs, all

three at once; who, after a vast deal of talking together, and a scene of great confusion, laid before Ralph, in

That, Newman, having been solemnly assured by one not then producible that Smike was not the son of

Snawley, and this person having offered to make oath to that effect, if necessary, they had by this

communication been first led to doubt the claim set up, which they would otherwise have seen no reason to

dispute, supported as it was by evidence which they had no power of disproving. That, once suspecting the

existence of a conspiracy, they had no difficulty in tracing back its origin to the malice of Ralph, and the

vindictiveness and avarice of Squeers. That, suspicion and proof being two very different things, they had

been advised by a lawyer, eminent for his sagacity and acuteness in such practice, to resist the proceedings

taken on the other side for the recovery of the youth as slowly and artfully as possible, and meanwhile to

beset Snawley (with whom it was clear the main falsehood must rest); to lead him, if possible, into

contradictory and conflicting statements; to harass him by all available means; and so to practise on his fears,

and regard for his own safety, as to induce him to divulge the whole scheme, and to give up his employer and

whomsoever else he could implicate. That, all this had been skilfully done; but that Snawley, who was well

practised in the arts of low cunning and intrigue, had successfully baffled all their attempts, until an

It thus arose. When Newman Noggs reported that Squeers was again in town, and that an interview of such

secrecy had taken place between him and Ralph that he had been sent out of the house, plainly lest he should

overhear a word, a watch was set upon the schoolmaster, in the hope that something might be discovered

which would throw some light upon the suspected plot. It being found, however, that he held no further

communication with Ralph, nor any with Snawley, and lived quite alone, they were completely at fault; the

watch was withdrawn, and they would have observed his motions no longer, if it had not happened that, one

night, Newman stumbled unobserved on him and Ralph in the street together. Following them, he discovered,

to his surprise, that they repaired to various low lodginghouses, and taverns kept by broken gamblers, to

more than one of whom Ralph was known, and that they were in pursuitso he found by inquiries when

they had leftof an old woman, whose description exactly tallied with that of deaf Mrs Sliderskew. Affairs

now appearing to assume a more serious complexion, the watch was renewed with increased vigilance; an

officer was procured, who took up his abode in the same tavern with Squeers: and by him and Frank

Cheeryble the footsteps of the unconscious schoolmaster were dogged, until he was safely housed in the

lodging at Lambeth. Mr Squeers having shifted his lodging, the officer shifted his, and lying concealed in the

same street, and, indeed, in the opposite house, soon found that Mr Squeers and Mrs Sliderskew were in

In this state of things, Arthur Gride was appealed to. The robbery, partly owing to the inquisitiveness of the

neighbours, and partly to his own grief and rage, had, long ago, become known; but he positively refused to

give his sanction or yield any assistance to the old woman's capture, and was seized with such a panic at the

CHAPTER 59. The Plots begin to fail, and Doubts and Dangers to disturb the Plotter 516

idea of being called upon to give evidence against her, that he shut himself up close in his house, and refused

to hold communication with anybody. Upon this, the pursuers took counsel together, and, coming so near the

truth as to arrive at the conclusion that Gride and Ralph, with Squeers for their instrument, were negotiating

for the recovery of some of the stolen papers which would not bear the light, and might possibly explain the

hints relative to Madeline which Newman had overheard, resolved that Mrs Sliderskew should be taken into

custody before she had parted with them: and Squeers too, if anything suspicious could be attached to him.

Accordingly, a searchwarrant being procured, and all prepared, Mr Squeers's window was watched, until his

light was put out, and the time arrived when, as had been previously ascertained, he usually visited Mrs

Sliderskew. This done, Frank Cheeryble and Newman stole upstairs to listen to their discourse, and to give

the signal to the officer at the most favourable time. At what an opportune moment they arrived, how they

listened, and what they heard, is already known to the reader. Mr Squeers, still half stunned, was hurried off

with a stolen deed in his possession, and Mrs Sliderskew was apprehended likewise. The information being

promptly carried to Snawley that Squeers was in custodyhe was not told for whatthat worthy, first

extorting a promise that he should be kept harmless, declared the whole tale concerning Smike to be a fiction

and forgery, and implicated Ralph Nickleby to the fullest extent. As to Mr Squeers, he had, that morning,

undergone a private examination before a magistrate; and, being unable to account satisfactorily for his

possession of the deed or his companionship with Mrs Sliderskew, had been, with her, remanded for a week.

All these discoveries were now related to Ralph, circumstantially, and in detail. Whatever impression they

secretly produced, he suffered no sign of emotion to escape him, but sat perfectly still, not raising his

frowning eyes from the ground, and covering his mouth with his hand. When the narrative was concluded; he

raised his head hastily, as if about to speak, but on brother Charles resuming, fell into his old attitude again.

'I told you this morning,' said the old gentleman, laying his hand upon his brother's shoulder, 'that I came to

you in mercy. How far you may be implicated in this last transaction, or how far the person who is now in

custody may criminate you, you best know. But, justice must take its course against the parties implicated in

the plot against this poor, unoffending, injured lad. It is not in my power, or in the power of my brother Ned,

to save you from the consequences. The utmost we can do is, to warn you in time, and to give you an

opportunity of escaping them. We would not have an old man like you disgraced and punished by your near

relation; nor would we have him forget, like you, all ties of blood and nature. We entreat youbrother Ned,

you join me, I know, in this entreaty, and so, Tim Linkinwater, do you, although you pretend to be an

obstinate dog, sir, and sit there frowning as if you didn'twe entreat you to retire from London, to take

shelter in some place where you will be safe from the consequences of these wicked designs, and where you

'And do you think,' returned Ralph, rising, 'and do you think, you will so easily crush ME? Do you think that

a hundred wellarranged plans, or a hundred suborned witnesses, or a hundred false curs at my heels, or a

hundred canting speeches full of oily words, will move me? I thank you for disclosing your schemes, which I

am now prepared for. You have not the man to deal with that you think; try me! and remember that I spit

upon your fair words and false dealings, and dare youprovoke youtaunt youto do to me the very

Instead of going home, Ralph threw himself into the first street cabriolet he could find, and, directing the

driver towards the policeoffice of the district in which Mr Squeers's misfortunes had occurred, alighted at a

short distance from it, and, discharging the man, went the rest of his way thither on foot. Inquiring for the

object of his solicitude, he learnt that he had timed his visit well; for Mr Squeers was, in fact, at that moment

waiting for a hackney coach he had ordered, and in which he purposed proceeding to his week's retirement,

Demanding speech with the prisoner, he was ushered into a kind of waitingroom in which, by reason of his

scholastic profession and superior respectability, Mr Squeers had been permitted to pass the day. Here, by the

light of a guttering and blackened candle, he could barely discern the schoolmaster, fast asleep on a bench in

a remote corner. An empty glass stood on a table before him, which, with his somnolent condition and a very

strong smell of brandy and water, forewarned the visitor that Mr Squeers had been seeking, in creature

It was not a very easy matter to rouse him: so lethargic and heavy were his slumbers. Regaining his faculties

by slow and faint glimmerings, he at length sat upright; and, displaying a very yellow face, a very red nose,

and a very bristly beard: the joint effect of which was considerably heightened by a dirty white handkerchief,

spotted with blood, drawn over the crown of his head and tied under his chin: stared ruefully at Ralph in

'Why, your man, your informing kidnapping man, has been and broke it,' rejoined Squeers sulkily; 'that's

'Why have you not sent to me?' said Ralph. 'How could I come till I knew what had befallen you?'

'My family!' hiccuped Mr Squeers, raising his eye to the ceiling: 'my daughter, as is at that age when all the

sensibilities is a coming out strong in blowmy son as is the young Norval of private life, and the pride

and ornament of a doting willagehere's a shock for my family! The coatofarms of the Squeerses is tore,

'I haven't been drinking YOUR health, my codger,' replied Mr Squeers; 'so you have nothing to do with that.'

Ralph suppressed the indignation which the schoolmaster's altered and insolent manner awakened, and asked

'What should I get by sending to you?' returned Squeers. 'To be known to be in with you wouldn't do me a

deal of good, and they won't take bail till they know something more of the case, so here am I hard and fast:

'And so must you be in a few days,' retorted Ralph, with affected goodhumour. 'They can't hurt you, man.'

'Why, I suppose they can't do much to me, if I explain how it was that I got into the good company of that

there cadaverous old Slider,' replied Squeers viciously, 'who I wish was dead and buried, and resurrected

and dissected, and hung upon wires in a anatomical museum, before ever I'd had anything to do with her.

This is what him with the powdered head says this morning, in so many words: "Prisoner! As you have been

found in company with this woman; as you were detected in possession of this document; as you were

engaged with her in fraudulently destroying others, and can give no satisfactory account of yourself; I shall

remand you for a week, in order that inquiries may be made, and evidence got. And meanwhile I can't take

any bail for your appearance." Well then, what I say now is, that I CAN give a satisfactory account of myself;

I can hand in the card of my establishment and say, "I am the Wackford Squeers as is therein named, sir. I am

the man as is guaranteed, by unimpeachable references, to be a outandouter in morals and uprightness of

principle. Whatever is wrong in this business is no fault of mine. I had no evil design in it, sir. I was not

aware that anything was wrong. I was merely employed by a friend, my friend Mr Ralph Nickleby, of Golden

Square. Send for him, sir, and ask him what he has to say; he's the man; not me!"'

'What document was it that you had?' asked Ralph, evading, for the moment, the point just raised.

'What document? Why, THE document,' replied Squeers. 'The Madeline What'shername one. It was a will;

'Of what nature, whose will, when dated, how benefiting her, to what extent?' asked Ralph hurriedly.

'A will in her favour; that's all I know,' rejoined Squeers, 'and that's more than you'd have known, if you'd had

them bellows on your head. It's all owing to your precious caution that they got hold of it. If you had let me

burn it, and taken my word that it was gone, it would have been a heap of ashes behind the fire, instead of

'Ah!' sighed Squeers, who, between the brandy and water and his broken head, wandered strangely, 'at the

delightful village of Dotheboys near Greta Bridge in Yorkshire, youth are boarded, clothed, booked, washed,

furnished with pocketmoney, provided with all necessaries, instructed in all languages living and dead,

mathematics, orthography, geometry, astronomy, trigonometrythis is a altered state of trigonomics, this is!

A double 1all, everythinga cobbler's weapon. Upup, adjective, not down. Sq udouble

His running on, in this way, had afforded Ralph an opportunity of recovering his presence of mind, which at

once suggested to him the necessity of removing, as far as possible, the schoolmaster's misgivings, and

leading him to believe that his safety and best policy lay in the preservation of a rigid silence.

'I tell you, once again,' he said, 'they can't hurt you. You shall have an action for false imprisonment, and

make a profit of this, yet. We will devise a story for you that should carry you through twenty times such a

trivial scrape as this; and if they want security in a thousand pounds for your reappearance in case you should

be called upon, you shall have it. All you have to do is, to keep back the truth. You're a little fuddled tonight,

and may not be able to see this as clearly as you would at another time; but this is what you must do, and

'Oh!' said Squeers, who had looked cunningly at him, with his head stuck on one side, like an old raven.

'That's what I'm to do, is it? Now then, just you hear a word or two from me. I an't agoing to have any

stories made for me, and I an't agoing to stick to any. If I find matters going again me, I shall expect you to

take your share, and I'll take care you do. You never said anything about danger. I never bargained for being

brought into such a plight as this, and I don't mean to take it as quiet as you think. I let you lead me on, from

one thing to another, because we had been mixed up together in a certain sort of a way, and if you had liked

to be ill natured you might perhaps have hurt the business, and if you liked to be goodnatured you might

throw a good deal in my way. Well; if all goes right now, that's quite correct, and I don't mind it; but if

anything goes wrong, then times are altered, and I shall just say and do whatever I think may serve me most,

and take advice from nobody. My moral influence with them lads,' added Mr Squeers, with deeper gravity, 'is

a tottering to its basis. The images of Mrs Squeers, my daughter, and my son Wackford, all short of vittles, is

perpetually before me; every other consideration melts away and vanishes, in front of these; the only number

in all arithmetic that I know of, as a husband and a father, is number one, under this here most fatal go!'

How long Mr Squeers might have declaimed, or how stormy a discussion his declamation might have led to,

nobody knows. Being interrupted, at this point, by the arrival of the coach and an attendant who was to bear

him company, he perched his hat with great dignity on the top of the handkerchief that bound his head; and,

thrusting one hand in his pocket, and taking the attendant's arm with the other, suffered himself to be led

'As I supposed from his not sending!' thought Ralph. 'This fellow, I plainly see through all his tipsy fooling,

has made up his mind to turn upon me. I am so beset and hemmed in, that they are not only all struck with

fear, but, like the beasts in the fable, have their fling at me now, though time was, and no longer ago than

yesterday too, when they were all civility and compliance. But they shall not move me. I'll not give way. I

He went home, and was glad to find his housekeeper complaining of illness, that he might have an excuse for

being alone and sending her away to where she lived: which was hard by. Then, he sat down by the light of a

single candle, and began to think, for the first time, on all that had taken place that day.

He had neither eaten nor drunk since last night, and, in addition to the anxiety of mind he had undergone, had

been travelling about, from place to place almost incessantly, for many hours. He felt sick and exhausted, but

could taste nothing save a glass of water, and continued to sit with his head upon his hand; not resting nor

thinking, but laboriously trying to do both, and feeling that every sense but one of weariness and desolation,

It was nearly ten o'clock when he heard a knocking at the door, and still sat quiet as before, as if he could not

even bring his thoughts to bear upon that. It had been often repeated, and he had, several times, heard a voice

outside, saying there was a light in the window (meaning, as he knew, his own candle), before he could rouse

'Mr Nickleby, there is terrible news for you, and I am sent to beg you will come with me directly,' said a

voice he seemed to recognise. He held his hand above his eyes, and, looking out, saw Tim Linkinwater on the

'Another edition of today!' returned Ralph, making as though he would shut the door.

'No, no!' cried Tim, catching him by the arm and speaking most earnestly; 'it is only that you may hear

something that has occurred: something very dreadful, Mr Nickleby, which concerns you nearly. Do you

Ralph looked at him more closely. Seeing that he was indeed greatly excited, he faltered, and could not tell

'You had better hear this now, than at any other time,' said Tim; 'it may have some influence with you. For

Perhaps, at, another time, Ralph's obstinacy and dislike would have been proof against any appeal from such

a quarter, however emphatically urged; but now, after a moment's hesitation, he went into the hall for his hat,

Tim well remembered afterwards, and often said, that as Ralph Nickleby went into the house for this purpose,

he saw him, by the light of the candle which he had set down upon a chair, reel and stagger like a drunken

man. He well remembered, too, that when he had placed his foot upon the coachsteps, he turned round and

looked upon him with a face so ashy pale and so very wild and vacant that it made him shudder, and for the

moment almost afraid to follow. People were fond of saying that he had some dark presentiment upon him

then, but his emotion might, perhaps, with greater show of reason, be referred to what he had undergone that

A profound silence was observed during the ride. Arrived at their place of destination, Ralph followed his

conductor into the house, and into a room where the two brothers were. He was so astounded, not to say

awed, by something of a mute compassion for himself which was visible in their manner and in that of the

Having taken a seat, however, he contrived to say, though in broken words, 'Whatwhat have you to say to

The room was old and large, very imperfectly lighted, and terminated in a bay window, about which hung

some heavy drapery. Casting his eyes in this direction as he spoke, he thought he made out the dusky figure

of a man. He was confirmed in this impression by seeing that the object moved, as if uneasy under his

'One who has conveyed to us, within these two hours, the intelligence which caused our sending to you,'

In turning his face towards the brothers he was obliged to avert it from the window; but, before either of them

could speak, he had looked round again. It was evident that he was rendered restless and uncomfortable by

the presence of the unseen person; for he repeated this action several times, and at length, as if in a nervous

state which rendered him positively unable to turn away from the place, sat so as to have it opposite him,

The brothers conferred apart for a short time: their manner showing that they were agitated. Ralph glanced at

them twice or thrice, and ultimately said, with a great effort to recover his selfpossession, 'Now, what is

this? If I am brought from home at this time of night, let it be for something. What have you got to tell me?'

He had struck upon a key which rendered the task of commencement an easier one. Brother Charles turned,

and said that it was a death of which they had to tell him, but that his niece was well.

'You don't mean to tell me,' said Ralph, as his eyes brightened, 'that her brother's dead? No, that's too good.

I'd not believe it, if you told me so. It would be too welcome news to be true.'

'Shame on you, you hardened and unnatural man,' cried the other brother, warmly. 'Prepare yourself for

intelligence which, if you have any human feeling in your breast, will make even you shrink and tremble.

What if we tell you that a poor unfortunate boy: a child in everything but never having known one of those

tender endearments, or one of those lightsome hours which make our childhood a time to be remembered like

a happy dream through all our after life: a warmhearted, harmless, affectionate creature, who never offended

you, or did you wrong, but on whom you have vented the malice and hatred you have conceived for your

nephew, and whom you have made an instrument for wreaking your bad passions upon him: what if we tell

you that, sinking under your persecution, sir, and the misery and illusage of a life short in years but long in

suffering, this poor creature has gone to tell his sad tale where, for your part in it, you must surely answer?'

'If you tell me,' said Ralph; 'if you tell me that he is dead, I forgive you all else. If you tell me that he is dead,

I am in your debt and bound to you for life. He is! I see it in your faces. Who triumphs now? Is this your

dreadful news; this your terrible intelligence? You see how it moves me. You did well to send. I would have

travelled a hundred miles afoot, through mud, mire, and darkness, to hear this news just at this time.'

Even then, moved as he was by this savage joy, Ralph could see in the faces of the two brothers, mingling

with their look of disgust and horror, something of that indefinable compassion for himself which he had

'And HE brought you the intelligence, did he?' said Ralph, pointing with his finger towards the recess already

mentioned; 'and sat there, no doubt, to see me prostrated and overwhelmed by it! Ha, ha, ha! But I tell him

that I'll be a sharp thorn in his side for many a long day to come; and I tell you two, again, that you don't

'You take me for your nephew,' said a hollow voice; 'it would be better for you, and for me too, if I were he

The figure that he had seen so dimly, rose, and came slowly down. He started back, for he found that he

Ralph had no reason, that he knew, to fear this man; he had never feared him before; but the pallor which had

been observed in his face when he issued forth that night, came upon him again. He was seen to tremble, and

'What does this fellow here? Do you know he is a convict, a felon, a common thief?'

'Hear what he has to tell you. Oh, Mr Nickleby, hear what he has to tell you, be he what he may!' cried the

brothers, with such emphatic earnestness, that Ralph turned to them in wonder. They pointed to Brooker.

In the midst of a dead silence, Ralph sat down, pressing his two hands upon his temples. He removed them,

after a minute, and never was there seen, part of a living man undisfigured by any wound, such a ghastly face

as he then disclosed. He looked at Brooker, who was by this time standing at a short distance from him; but

'Gentlemen,' said the man, 'I offer no excuses for myself. I am long past that. If, in telling you how this has

happened, I tell you that I was harshly used, and perhaps driven out of my real nature, I do it only as a

He stopped, as if to recollect, and looking away from Ralph, and addressing himself to the brothers,

'Among those who once had dealings with this man, gentlementhat's from twenty to fiveandtwenty

years agothere was one: a rough foxhunting, harddrinking gentleman, who had run through his own

fortune, and wanted to squander away that of his sister: they were both orphans, and she lived with him and

managed his house. I don't know whether it was, originally, to back his influence and try to overpersuade

the young woman or not, but he,' pointing, to Ralph, 'used to go down to the house in Leicestershire pretty

often, and stop there many days at a time. They had had a great many dealings together, and he may have

gone on some of those, or to patch up his client's affairs, which were in a ruinous state; of course he went for

profit. The gentlewoman was not a girl, but she was, I have heard say, handsome, and entitled to a pretty

large property. In course of time, he married her. The same love of gain which led him to contract this

marriage, led to its being kept strictly private; for a clause in her father's will declared that if she married

without her brother's consent, the property, in which she had only some life interest while she remained

single, should pass away altogether to another branch of the family. The brother would give no consent that

the sister didn't buy, and pay for handsomely; Mr Nickleby would consent to no such sacrifice; and so they

went on, keeping their marriage secret, and waiting for him to break his neck or die of a fever. He did neither,

and meanwhile the result of this private marriage was a son. The child was put out to nurse, a long way off;

his mother never saw him but once or twice, and then by stealth; and his fatherso eagerly did he thirst after

the money which seemed to come almost within his grasp now, for his brother inlaw was very ill, and

breaking more and more every daynever went near him, to avoid raising any suspicion. The brother

lingered on; Mr Nickleby's wife constantly urged him to avow their marriage; he peremptorily refused. She

remained alone in a dull country house: seeing little or no company but riotous, drunken sportsmen. He lived

in London and clung to his business. Angry quarrels and recriminations took place, and when they had been

married nearly seven years, and were within a few weeks of the time when the brother's death would have

Here he paused, but Ralph did not stir, and the brothers signed to him to proceed.

'It was then that I became acquainted with these circumstances from his own lips. They were no secrets then;

for the brother, and others, knew them; but they were communicated to me, not on this account, but because I

was wanted. He followed the fugitives. Some said to make money of his wife's shame, but, I believe, to take

some violent revenge, for that was as much his character as the other; perhaps more. He didn't find them, and

she died not long after. I don't know whether he began to think he might like the child, or whether he wished

to make sure that it should never fall into its mother's hands; but, before he went, he intrusted me with the

He went on, from this point, in a still more humble tone, and spoke in a very low voice; pointing to Ralph as

'He had used me illcruellyI reminded him in what, not long ago when I met him in the streetand I

hated him. I brought the child home to his own house, and lodged him in the front garret. Neglect had made

him very sickly, and I was obliged to call in a doctor, who said he must be removed for change of air, or he

would die. I think that first put it in my head. I did it then. He was gone six weeks, and when he came back, I

told himwith every circumstance well planned and proved; nobody could have suspected methat the

child was dead and buried. He might have been disappointed in some intention he had formed, or he might

have had some natural affection, but he WAS grieved at THAT, and I was confirmed in my design of opening

up the secret one day, and making it a means of getting money from him. I had heard, like most other men, of

Yorkshire schools. I took the child to one kept by a man named Squeers, and left it there. I gave him the name

of Smike. Year by year, I paid twenty pounds ayear for him for six years; never breathing the secret all the

time; for I had left his father's service after more hard usage, and quarrelled with him again. I was sent away

from this country. I have been away nearly eight years. Directly I came home again, I travelled down into

Yorkshire, and, skulking in the village of an eveningtime, made inquiries about the boys at the school, and

found that this one, whom I had placed there, had run away with a young man bearing the name of his own

father. I sought his father out in London, and hinting at what I could tell him, tried for a little money to

support life; but he repulsed me with threats. I then found out his clerk, and, going on from little to little, and

showing him that there were good reasons for communicating with me, learnt what was going on; and it was I

who told him that the boy was no son of the man who claimed to be his father. All this time I had never seen

the boy. At length, I heard from this same source that he was very ill, and where he was. I travelled down

there, that I might recall myself, if possible, to his recollection and confirm my story. I came upon him

unexpectedly; but before I could speak he knew mehe had good cause to remember me, poor lad!and I

would have sworn to him if I had met him in the Indies. I knew the piteous face I had seen in the little child.

After a few days' indecision, I applied to the young gentleman in whose care he was, and I found that he was

dead. He knows how quickly he recognised me again, how often he had described me and my leaving him at

the school, and how he told him of a garret he recollected: which is the one I have spoken of, and in his

father's house to this day. This is my story. I demand to be brought face to face with the schoolmaster, and

put to any possible proof of any part of it, and I will show that it's too true, and that I have this guilt upon my

'None, gentlemen, none! I have none to make, and nothing to hope now. I am old in years, and older still in

misery and care. This confession can bring nothing upon me but new suffering and punishment; but I make it,

and will abide by it whatever comes. I have been made the instrument of working out this dreadful retribution

upon the head of a man who, in the hot pursuit of his bad ends, has persecuted and hunted down his own

child to death. It must descend upon me too. I know it must fall. My reparation comes too late; and, neither in

He had hardly spoken, when the lamp, which stood upon the table close to where Ralph was seated, and

which was the only one in the room, was thrown to the ground, and left them in darkness. There was some

trifling confusion in obtaining another light; the interval was a mere nothing; but when the light appeared,

The good brothers and Tim Linkinwater occupied some time in discussing the probability of his return; and,

when it became apparent that he would not come back, they hesitated whether or no to send after him. At

length, remembering how strangely and silently he had sat in one immovable position during the interview,

and thinking he might possibly be ill, they determined, although it was now very late, to send to his house on

some pretence. Finding an excuse in the presence of Brooker, whom they knew not how to dispose of without

consulting his wishes, they concluded to act upon this resolution before going to bed.

CHAPTER 61. Wherein Nicholas and his Sister forfeit the good Opinion of all worldly and prudent People 524

On the next morning after Brooker's disclosure had been made, Nicholas returned home. The meeting

between him and those whom he had left there was not without strong emotion on both sides; for they had

been informed by his letters of what had occurred: and, besides that his griefs were theirs, they mourned with

him the death of one whose forlorn and helpless state had first established a claim upon their compassion, and

whose truth of heart and grateful earnest nature had, every day, endeared him to them more and more.

'I am sure,' said Mrs Nickleby, wiping her eyes, and sobbing bitterly, 'I have lost the best, the most zealous,

and most attentive creature that has ever been a companion to me in my life putting you, my dear

Nicholas, and Kate, and your poor papa, and that wellbehaved nurse who ran away with the linen and the

twelve small forks, out of the question, of course. Of all the tractable, equaltempered, attached, and faithful

beings that ever lived, I believe he was the most so. To look round upon the garden, now, that he took so

much pride in, or to go into his room and see it filled with so many of those little contrivances for our

comfort that he was so fond of making, and made so well, and so little thought he would leave unfinishedI

can't bear it, I cannot really. Ah! This is a great trial to me, a great trial. It will be comfort to you, my dear

Nicholas, to the end of your life, to recollect how kind and good you always were to himso it will be to

me, to think what excellent terms we were always upon, and how fond he always was of me, poor fellow! It

was very natural you should have been attached to him, my dearveryand of course you were, and are

very much cut up by this. I am sure it's only necessary to look at you and see how changed you are, to see

While Mrs Nickleby, with the utmost sincerity, gave vent to her sorrows after her own peculiar fashion of

considering herself foremost, she was not the only one who indulged such feelings. Kate, although well

accustomed to forget herself when others were to be considered, could not repress her grief; Madeline was

scarcely less moved than she; and poor, hearty, honest little Miss La Creevy, who had come upon one of her

visits while Nicholas was away, and had done nothing, since the sad news arrived, but console and cheer

them all, no sooner beheld him coming in at the door, than she sat herself down upon the stairs, and bursting

'It hurts me so,' cried the poor body, 'to see him come back alone. I can't help thinking what he must have

suffered himself. I wouldn't mind so much if he gave way a little more; but he bears it so manfully.'

'Yes, yes,' replied the little woman, 'and bless you for a good creature! but this does seem at first to a simple

soul like meI know it's wrong to say so, and I shall be sorry for it presently this does seem such a poor

'Nay,' said Nicholas gently, 'what better reward could I have, than the knowledge that his last days were

peaceful and happy, and the recollection that I was his constant companion, and was not prevented, as I might

'To be sure,' sobbed Miss La Creevy; 'it's very true, and I'm an ungrateful, impious, wicked little fool, I

With that, the good soul fell to crying afresh, and, endeavouring to recover herself, tried to laugh. The laugh

and the cry, meeting each other thus abruptly, had a struggle for the mastery; the result was, that it was a

Waiting until they were all tolerably quiet and composed again, Nicholas, who stood in need of some rest

after his long journey, retired to his own room, and throwing himself, dressed as he was, upon the bed, fell

into a sound sleep. When he awoke, he found Kate sitting by his bedside, who, seeing that he had opened his

CHAPTER 61. Wherein Nicholas and his Sister forfeit the good Opinion of all worldly and prudent People 525

'We have been wearying so for your return,' said Kate, 'mama and I, andand Madeline.'

'You said in your last letter that she was quite well,' said Nicholas, rather hastily, and colouring as he spoke.

'Has nothing been said, since I have been away, about any future arrangements that the brothers have in

'Oh, not a word,' replied Kate. 'I can't think of parting from her without sorrow; and surely, Nicholas, YOU

Nicholas coloured again, and, sitting down beside his sister on a little couch near the window, said:

'No, Kate, no, I do not. I might strive to disguise my real feelings from anybody but you; but I will tell you

Kate's eyes brightened, and she was going to make some reply, when Nicholas laid his hand upon her arm,

'Last of all; never, though never is a long day. Sometimes, I try to think that the time may come when I may

honestly tell her this; but it is so far off; in such distant perspective, so many years must elapse before it

comes, and when it does come (if ever) I shall be so unlike what I am now, and shall have so outlived my

days of youth and romancethough not, I am sure, of love for herthat even I feel how visionary all such

hopes must be, and try to crush them rudely myself, and have the pain over, rather than suffer time to wither

them, and keep the disappointment in store. No, Kate! Since I have been absent, I have had, in that poor

fellow who is gone, perpetually before my eyes, another instance of the munificent liberality of these noble

brothers. As far as in me lies, I will deserve it, and if I have wavered in my bounden duty to them before, I

am now determined to discharge it rigidly, and to put further delays and temptations beyond my reach.'

'Before you say another word, dear Nicholas,' said Kate, turning pale, 'you must hear what I have to tell you. I

came on purpose, but I had not the courage. What you say now, gives me new heart.' She faltered, and burst

There was that in her manner which prepared Nicholas for what was coming. Kate tried to speak, but her

'Come, you foolish girl,' said Nicholas; 'why, Kate, Kate, be a woman! I think I know what you would tell

'And he has offered you his hand, perhaps, since I have been away,' said Nicholas; 'is that it? Yes. Well, well;

it is not so difficult, you see, to tell me, after all. He offered you his hand?'

CHAPTER 61. Wherein Nicholas and his Sister forfeit the good Opinion of all worldly and prudent People 526

'I told him,' she said, in a trembling voice, 'all that I have since found you told mama; and while I could not

conceal from him, and cannot from you, thatthat it was a pang and a great trial, I did so firmly, and begged

'That's my own brave Kate!' said Nicholas, pressing her to his breast. 'I knew you would.'

'He tried to alter my resolution,' said Kate, 'and declared that, be my decision what it might, he would not

only inform his uncles of the step he had taken, but would communicate it to you also, directly you returned.

I am afraid,' she added, her momentary composure forsaking her, 'I am afraid I may not have said, strongly

enough, how deeply I felt such disinterested love, and how earnestly I prayed for his future happiness. If you

'And did you suppose, Kate, when you had made this sacrifice to what you knew was right and honourable,

'But it is the same,' interrupted Nicholas. 'Madeline is not the near relation of our benefactors, but she is

closely bound to them by ties as dear; and I was first intrusted with her history, specially because they

reposed unbounded confidence in me, and believed that I was as true as steel. How base would it be of me to

take advantage of the circumstances which placed her here, or of the slight service I was happily able to

render her, and to seek to engage her affections when the result must be, if I succeeded, that the brothers

would be disappointed in their darling wish of establishing her as their own child, and that I must seem to

hope to build my fortunes on their compassion for the young creature whom I had so meanly and unworthily

entrapped: turning her very gratitude and warmth of heart to my own purpose and account, and trading in her

misfortunes! I, too, whose duty, and pride, and pleasure, Kate, it is to have other claims upon me which I will

never forget; and who have the means of a comfortable and happy life already, and have no right to look

beyond it! I have determined to remove this weight from my mind. I doubt whether I have not done wrong,

even now; and today I will, without reserve or equivocation, disclose my real reasons to Mr Cherryble, and

implore him to take immediate measures for removing this young lady to the shelter of some other roof.'

'I have thought of this for weeks, and why should I postpone it? If the scene through which I have just passed

has taught me to reflect, and has awakened me to a more anxious and careful sense of duty, why should I wait

until the impression has cooled? You would not dissuade me, Kate; now would you?'

'I may grow rich!' repeated Nicholas, with a mournful smile, 'ay, and I may grow old! But rich or poor, or old

or young, we shall ever be the same to each other, and in that our comfort lies. What if we have but one

home? It can never be a solitary one to you and me. What if we were to remain so true to these first

impressions as to form no others? It is but one more link to the strong chain that binds us together. It seems

but yesterday that we were playfellows, Kate, and it will seem but tomorrow when we are staid old people,

looking back to these cares as we look back, now, to those of our childish days: and recollecting with a

melancholy pleasure that the time was, when they could move us. Perhaps then, when we are quaint old folks

and talk of the times when our step was lighter and our hair not grey, we may be even thankful for the trials

CHAPTER 61. Wherein Nicholas and his Sister forfeit the good Opinion of all worldly and prudent People 527

that so endeared us to each other, and turned our lives into that current, down which we shall have glided so

peacefully and calmly. And having caught some inkling of our story, the young people about us as young

as you and I are now, Katemay come to us for sympathy, and pour distresses which hope and inexperience

could scarcely feel enough for, into the compassionate ears of the old bachelor brother and his maiden sister.'

Kate smiled through her tears as Nicholas drew this picture; but they were not tears of sorrow, although they

'Quite, quite, dear brother; and I cannot tell you how happy I am that I have acted as you would have had me.'

'Nnno,' said Kate timidly, tracing some pattern upon the ground with her little foot. 'I don't regret having

done what was honourable and right, of course; but I do regret that this should have ever happenedat least

sometimes I regret it, and sometimes I I don't know what I say; I am but a weak girl, Nicholas, and it has

It is no vaunt to affirm that if Nicholas had had ten thousand pounds at the minute, he would, in his generous

affection for the owner of the blushing cheek and downcast eye, have bestowed its utmost farthing, in perfect

forgetfulness of himself, to secure her happiness. But all he could do was to comfort and console her by kind

words; and words they were of such love and kindness, and cheerful encouragement, that poor Kate threw her

'What man,' thought Nicholas proudly, while on his way, soon afterwards, to the brothers' house, 'would not

be sufficiently rewarded for any sacrifice of fortune by the possession of such a heart as Kate's, which, but

that hearts weigh light, and gold and silver heavy, is beyond all praise? Frank has money, and wants no more.

Where would it buy him such a treasure as Kate? And yet, in unequal marriages, the rich party is always

supposed to make a great sacrifice, and the other to get a good bargain! But I am thinking like a lover, or like

Checking thoughts so little adapted to the business on which he was bound, by such selfreproofs as this and

many others no less sturdy, he proceeded on his way and presented himself before Tim Linkinwater.

'Ah! Mr Nickleby!' cried Tim, 'God bless you! how d'ye do? Well? Say you're quite well and never better. Do

'Ah!' said Tim, 'you look tired though, now I come to look at you. Hark! there he is, d'ye hear him? That was

Dick, the blackbird. He hasn't been himself since you've been gone. He'd never get on without you, now; he

'Dick is a far less sagacious fellow than I supposed him, if he thinks I am half so well worthy of his notice as

'Why, I'll tell you what, sir,' said Tim, standing in his favourite attitude and pointing to the cage with the

feather of his pen, 'it's a very extraordinary thing about that bird, that the only people he ever takes the

CHAPTER 61. Wherein Nicholas and his Sister forfeit the good Opinion of all worldly and prudent People 528

Here, Tim stopped and glanced anxiously at Nicholas; then unexpectedly catching his eye repeated, 'And you

and me, sir, and you and me.' And then he glanced at Nicholas again, and, squeezing his hand, said, 'I am a

bad one at putting off anything I am interested in. I didn't mean to ask you, but I should like to hear a few

'That was right of him,' returned Tim, wiping his eyes; 'that was very right of him.'

'And he mentioned your name a score of times,' said Nicholas, 'and often bade me carry back his love to Mr

'No, no, did he though?' rejoined Tim, sobbing outright. 'Poor fellow! I wish we could have had him buried in

town. There isn't such a buryingground in all London as that little one on the other side of the squarethere

are countinghouses all round it, and if you go in there, on a fine day, you can see the books and safes

through the open windows. And he sent his love to me, did he? I didn't expect he would have thought of me.

Tim was so completely overcome by this little mark of recollection, that he was quite unequal to any more

conversation at the moment. Nicholas therefore slipped quietly out, and went to brother Charles's room.

If he had previously sustained his firmness and fortitude, it had been by an effort which had cost him no little

pain; but the warm welcome, the hearty manner, the homely unaffected commiseration, of the good old man,

'Come, come, my dear sir,' said the benevolent merchant; 'we must not be cast down; no, no. We must learn

to bear misfortune, and we must remember that there are many sources of consolation even in death. Every

day that this poor lad had lived, he must have been less and less qualified for the world, and more and more

unhappy in is own deficiencies. It is better as it is, my dear sir. Yes, yes, yes, it's better as it is.'

'I have thought of all that, sir,' replied Nicholas, clearing his throat. 'I feel it, I assure you.'

'Yes, that's well,' replied Mr Cheeryble, who, in the midst of all his comforting, was quite as much taken

aback as honest old Tim; 'that's well. Where is my brother Ned? Tim Linkinwater, sir, where is my brother

'Gone out with Mr Trimmers, about getting that unfortunate man into the hospital, and sending a nurse to his

'My brother Ned is a fine fellow, a great fellow!' exclaimed brother Charles as he shut the door and returned

to Nicholas. 'He will be overjoyed to see you, my dear sir. We have been speaking of you every day.'

'To tell you the truth, sir, I am glad to find you alone,' said Nicholas, with some natural hesitation; 'for I am

'Surely, surely,' returned brother Charles, looking at him with an anxious countenance. 'Say on, my dear sir,

'I scarcely know how, or where, to begin,' said Nicholas. 'If ever one mortal had reason to be penetrated with

love and reverence for another: with such attachment as would make the hardest service in his behalf a

pleasure and delight: with such grateful recollections as must rouse the utmost zeal and fidelity of his nature:

CHAPTER 61. Wherein Nicholas and his Sister forfeit the good Opinion of all worldly and prudent People 529

those are the feelings which I should entertain for you, and do, from my heart and soul, believe me!'

'I do believe you,' replied the old gentleman, 'and I am happy in the belief. I have never doubted it; I never

'Your telling me that so kindly,' said Nicholas, 'emboldens me to proceed. When you first took me into your

confidence, and dispatched me on those missions to Miss Bray, I should have told you that I had seen her

long before; that her beauty had made an impression upon me which I could not efface; and that I had

fruitlessly endeavoured to trace her, and become acquainted with her history. I did not tell you so, because I

vainly thought I could conquer my weaker feelings, and render every consideration subservient to my duty to

'Mr Nickleby,' said brother Charles, 'you did not violate the confidence I placed in you, or take an unworthy

'I did not,' said Nicholas, firmly. 'Although I found that the necessity for selfcommand and restraint became

every day more imperious, and the difficulty greater, I never, for one instant, spoke or looked but as I would

have done had you been by. I never, for one moment, deserted my trust, nor have I to this instant. But I find

that constant association and companionship with this sweet girl is fatal to my peace of mind, and may prove

destructive to the resolutions I made in the beginning, and up to this time have faithfully kept. In short, sir, I

cannot trust myself, and I implore and beseech you to remove this young lady from under the charge of my

mother and sister without delay. I know that to anyone but myselfto you, who consider the immeasurable

distance between me and this young lady, who is now your ward, and the object of your peculiar caremy

loving her, even in thought, must appear the height of rashness and presumption. I know it is so. But who can

see her as I have seen, who can know what her life has been, and not love her? I have no excuse but that; and

as I cannot fly from this temptation, and cannot repress this passion, with its object constantly before me,

what can I do but pray and beseech you to remove it, and to leave me to forget her?'

'Mr Nickleby,' said the old man, after a short silence, 'you can do no more. I was wrong to expose a young

man like you to this trial. I might have foreseen what would happen. Thank you, sir, thank you. Madeline

'If you would grant me one favour, dear sir, and suffer her to remember me with esteem, by never revealing

'I will take care,' said Mr Cheeryble. 'And now, is this all you have to tell me?'

'I know the rest,' said Mr Cheeryble, apparently very much relieved by this prompt reply. 'When did it come

'You felt it your duty immediately to come to me, and tell me what your sister no doubt acquainted you with?'

'I did,' said Nicholas, 'though I could have wished to have spoken to Mr Frank first.'

'Frank was with me last night,' replied the old gentleman. 'You have done well, Mr Nicklebyvery well,

CHAPTER 61. Wherein Nicholas and his Sister forfeit the good Opinion of all worldly and prudent People 530

Upon this head, Nicholas requested permission to add a few words. He ventured to hope that nothing he had

said would lead to the estrangement of Kate and Madeline, who had formed an attachment for each other, any

interruption of which would, he knew, be attended with great pain to them, and, most of all, with remorse and

pain to him, as its unhappy cause. When these things were all forgotten, he hoped that Frank and he might

still be warm friends, and that no word or thought of his humble home, or of her who was well contented to

remain there and share his quiet fortunes, would ever again disturb the harmony between them. He recounted,

as nearly as he could, what had passed between himself and Kate that morning: speaking of her with such

warmth of pride and affection, and dwelling so cheerfully upon the confidence they had of overcoming any

selfish regrets and living contented and happy in each other's love, that few could have heard him unmoved.

More moved himself than he had been yet, he expressed in a few hurried wordsas expressive, perhaps, as

the most eloquent phraseshis devotion to the brothers, and his hope that he might live and die in their

To all this, brother Charles listened in profound silence, and with his chair so turned from Nicholas that his

face could not be seen. He had not spoken either, in his accustomed manner, but with a certain stiffness and

embarrassment very foreign to it. Nicholas feared he had offended him. He said, 'No, no, he had done quite

'Frank is a heedless, foolish fellow,' he said, after Nicholas had paused for some time; 'a very heedless,

foolish fellow. I will take care that this is brought to a close without delay. Let us say no more upon the

subject; it's a very painful one to me. Come to me in half an hour; I have strange things to tell you, my dear

sir, and your uncle has appointed this afternoon for your waiting upon him with me.'

'Ay, with me,' replied the old gentleman. 'Return to me in half an hour, and I'll tell you more.'

Nicholas waited upon him at the time mentioned, and then learnt all that had taken place on the previous day,

and all that was known of the appointment Ralph had made with the brothers; which was for that night; and

for the better understanding of which it will be requisite to return and follow his own footsteps from the

house of the twin brothers. Therefore, we leave Nicholas somewhat reassured by the restored kindness of

their manner towards him, and yet sensible that it was different from what it had been (though he scarcely

Creeping from the house, and slinking off like a thief; groping with his hands, when first he got into the

street, as if he were a blind man; and looking often over his shoulder while he hurried away, as though he

were followed in imagination or reality by someone anxious to question or detain him; Ralph Nickleby left

The night was dark, and a cold wind blew, driving the clouds, furiously and fast, before it. There was one

black, gloomy mass that seemed to follow him: not hurrying in the wild chase with the others, but lingering

sullenly behind, and gliding darkly and stealthily on. He often looked back at this, and, more than once,

stopped to let it pass over; but, somehow, when he went forward again, it was still behind him, coming

He had to pass a poor, mean burialgrounda dismal place, raised a few feet above the level of the street,

and parted from it by a low parapetwall and an iron railing; a rank, unwholesome, rotten spot, where the

very grass and weeds seemed, in their frouzy growth, to tell that they had sprung from paupers' bodies, and

had struck their roots in the graves of men, sodden, while alive, in steaming courts and drunken hungry dens.

And here, in truth, they lay, parted from the living by a little earth and a board or twolay thick and

closecorrupting in body as they had in minda dense and squalid crowd. Here they lay, cheek by jowl

with life: no deeper down than the feet of the throng that passed there every day, and piled high as their

throats. Here they lay, a grisly family, all these dear departed brothers and sisters of the ruddy clergyman who

As he passed here, Ralph called to mind that he had been one of a jury, long before, on the body of a man

who had cut his throat; and that he was buried in this place. He could not tell how he came to recollect it now,

when he had so often passed and never thought about him, or how it was that he felt an interest in the

circumstance; but he did both; and stopping, and clasping the iron railings with his hands, looked eagerly in,

While he was thus engaged, there came towards him, with noise of shouts and singing, some fellows full of

drink, followed by others, who were remonstrating with them and urging them to go home in quiet. They

were in high goodhumour; and one of them, a little, weazen, humpbacked man, began to dance. He was a

grotesque, fantastic figure, and the few bystanders laughed. Ralph himself was moved to mirth, and echoed

the laugh of one who stood near and who looked round in his face. When they had passed on, and he was left

alone again, he resumed his speculation with a new kind of interest; for he recollected that the last person

who had seen the suicide alive, had left him very merry, and he remembered how strange he and the other

He could not fix upon the spot among such a heap of graves, but he conjured up a strong and vivid idea of the

man himself, and how he looked, and what had led him to do it; all of which he recalled with ease. By dint of

dwelling upon this theme, he carried the impression with him when he went away; as he remembered, when a

child, to have had frequently before him the figure of some goblin he had once seen chalked upon a door. But

as he drew nearer and nearer home he forgot it again, and began to think how very dull and solitary the house

This feeling became so strong at last, that when he reached his own door, he could hardly make up his mind

to turn the key and open it. When he had done that, and gone into the passage, he felt as though to shut it

again would be to shut out the world. But he let it go, and it closed with a loud noise. There was no light.

Shivering from head to foot, he made his way upstairs into the room where he had been last disturbed. He had

made a kind of compact with himself that he would not think of what had happened until he got home. He

His own child, his own child! He never doubted the tale; he felt it was true; knew it as well, now, as if he had

been privy to it all along. His own child! And dead too. Dying beside Nicholas, loving him, and looking upon

They had all turned from him and deserted him in his very first need. Even money could not buy them now;

everything must come out, and everybody must know all. Here was the young lord dead, his companion

abroad and beyond his reach, ten thousand pounds gone at one blow, his plot with Gride overset at the very

moment of triumph, his afterschemes discovered, himself in danger, the object of his persecution and

Nicholas's love, his own wretched boy; everything crumbled and fallen upon him, and he beaten down

If he had known his child to be alive; if no deceit had been ever practised, and he had grown up beneath his

eye; he might have been a careless, indifferent, rough, harsh fatherlike enoughhe felt that; but the

thought would come that he might have been otherwise, and that his son might have been a comfort to him,

and they two happy together. He began to think now, that his supposed death and his wife's flight had had

some share in making him the morose, hard man he was. He seemed to remember a time when he was not

quite so rough and obdurate; and almost thought that he had first hated Nicholas because he was young and

gallant, and perhaps like the stripling who had brought dishonour and loss of fortune on his head.

But one tender thought, or one of natural regret, in his whirlwind of passion and remorse, was as a drop of

calm water in a stormy maddened sea. His hatred of Nicholas had been fed upon his own defeat, nourished on

his interference with his schemes, fattened upon his old defiance and success. There were reasons for its

increase; it had grown and strengthened gradually. Now it attained a height which was sheer wild lunacy.

That his, of all others, should have been the hands to rescue his miserable child; that he should have been his

protector and faithful friend; that he should have shown him that love and tenderness which, from the

wretched moment of his birth, he had never known; that he should have taught him to hate his own parent and

execrate his very name; that he should now know and feel all this, and triumph in the recollection; was gall

and madness to the usurer's heart. The dead boy's love for Nicholas, and the attachment of Nicholas to him,

was insupportable agony. The picture of his deathbed, with Nicholas at his side, tending and supporting him,

and he breathing out his thanks, and expiring in his arms, when he would have had them mortal enemies and

hating each other to the last, drove him frantic. He gnashed his teeth and smote the air, and looking wildly

'I am trampled down and ruined. The wretch told me true. The night has come! Is there no way to rob them of

further triumph, and spurn their mercy and compassion? Is there no devil to help me?'

Swiftly, there glided again into his brain the figure he had raised that night. It seemed to lie before him. The

head was covered now. So it was when he first saw it. The rigid, upturned, marble feet too, he remembered

well. Then came before him the pale and trembling relatives who had told their tale upon the inquestthe

shrieks of womenthe silent dread of menthe consternation and disquietthe victory achieved by that

heap of clay, which, with one motion of its hand, had let out the life and made this stir among them

He spoke no more; but, after a pause, softly groped his way out of the room, and up the echoing stairsup to

It was a mere lumberroom now, but it yet contained an old dismantled bedstead; the one on which his son

had slept; for no other had ever been there. He avoided it hastily, and sat down as far from it as he could.

The weakened glare of the lights in the street below, shining through the window which had no blind or

curtain to intercept it, was enough to show the character of the room, though not sufficient fully to reveal the

various articles of lumber, old corded trunks and broken furniture, which were scattered about. It had a

shelving roof; high in one part, and at another descending almost to the floor. It was towards the highest part

that Ralph directed his eyes; and upon it he kept them fixed steadily for some minutes, when he rose, and

dragging thither an old chest upon which he had been seated, mounted on it, and felt along the wall above his

head with both hands. At length, they touched a large iron hook, firmly driven into one of the beams.

At that moment, he was interrupted by a loud knocking at the door below. After a little hesitation he opened

The voice made answer that the twin brothers wished to know whether the man whom he had seen that night

was to be detained; and that although it was now midnight they had sent, in their anxiety to do right.

'Yes,' cried Ralph, 'detain him till tomorrow; then let them bring him herehim and my nephewand come

'At any hour,' replied Ralph fiercely. 'In the afternoon, tell them. At any hour, at any minute. All times will be

He listened to the man's retreating footsteps until the sound had passed, and then, gazing up into the sky, saw,

or thought he saw, the same black cloud that had seemed to follow him home, and which now appeared to

'I know its meaning now,' he muttered, 'and the restless nights, the dreams, and why I have quailed of late. All

pointed to this. Oh! if men by selling their own souls could ride rampant for a term, for how short a term

'Lie on!' cried the usurer, 'with your iron tongue! Ring merrily for births that make expectants writhe, and

marriages that are made in hell, and toll ruefully for the dead whose shoes are worn already! Call men to

prayers who are godly because not found out, and ring chimes for the coming in of every year that brings this

cursed world nearer to its end. No bell or book for me! Throw me on a dunghill, and let me rot there, to infect

With a wild look around, in which frenzy, hatred, and despair were horribly mingled, he shook his clenched

hand at the sky above him, which was still dark and threatening, and closed the window.

The rain and hail pattered against the glass; the chimneys quaked and rocked; the crazy casement rattled with

the wind, as though an impatient hand inside were striving to burst it open. But no hand was there, and it

'How's this?' cried one. 'The gentleman say they can't make anybody hear, and have been trying these two

'And yet he came home last night,' said another; 'for he spoke to somebody out of that window upstairs.'

They were a little knot of men, and, the window being mentioned, went out into the road to look up at it. This

occasioned their observing that the house was still close shut, as the housekeeper had said she had left it on

the previous night, and led to a great many suggestions: which terminated in two or three of the boldest

getting round to the back, and so entering by a window, while the others remained outside, in impatient

They looked into all the rooms below: opening the shutters as they went, to admit the fading light: and still

finding nobody, and everything quiet and in its place, doubted whether they should go farther. One man,

however, remarking that they had not yet been into the garret, and that it was there he had been last seen, they

agreed to look there too, and went up softly; for the mystery and silence made them timid.

After they had stood for an instant, on the landing, eyeing each other, he who had proposed their carrying the

search so far, turned the handle of the door, and, pushing it open, looked through the chink, and fell back

They pressed forward to see; but one among them thrusting the others aside with a loud exclamation, drew a

He had torn a rope from one of the old trunks, and hung himself on an iron hook immediately below the

trapdoor in the ceilingin the very place to which the eyes of his son, a lonely, desolate, little creature, had

Some weeks had passed, and the first shock of these events had subsided. Madeline had been removed; Frank

had been absent; and Nicholas and Kate had begun to try in good earnest to stifle their own regrets, and to

live for each other and for their motherwho, poor lady, could in nowise be reconciled to this dull and

altered state of affairswhen there came one evening, per favour of Mr Linkinwater, an invitation from the

brothers to dinner on the next day but one: comprehending, not only Mrs Nickleby, Kate, and Nicholas, but

'Now, my dears,' said Mrs Nickleby, when they had rendered becoming honour to the bidding, and Tim had

'I say, my dear,' rejoined that lady, with a face of unfathomable mystery, 'what does this invitation to dinner

'I conclude it means, that on such a day we are to eat and drink in their house, and that its intent and object is

'Then I'll just tell you one thing,' said Mrs Nickleby, you'll find yourself a little surprised; that's all. You may

'I wouldn't be absurd, my dear, if I were you,' replied Mrs Nickleby, in a lofty manner, 'because it's not by any

means becoming, and doesn't suit you at all. What I mean to say is, that the Mr Cheerybles don't ask us to

dinner with all this ceremony for nothing. Never mind; wait and see. You won't believe anything I say, of

course. It's much better to wait; a great deal better; it's satisfactory to all parties, and there can be no

disputing. All I say is, remember what I say now, and when I say I said so, don't say I didn't.'

With this stipulation, Mrs Nickleby, who was troubled, night and day, with a vision of a hot messenger

CHAPTER 63. The Brothers Cheeryble make various Declarations for themselves and others. Tim Linkinwater makes a Declaration for himself 535

tearing up to the door to announce that Nicholas had been taken into partnership, quitted that branch of the

'It's a very extraordinary thing,' she said, 'a most extraordinary thing, that they should have invited Miss La

Creevy. It quite astonishes me, upon my word it does. Of course it's very pleasant that she should be invited,

very pleasant, and I have no doubt that she'll conduct herself extremely well; she always does. It's very

gratifying to think that we should have been the means of introducing her into such society, and I'm quite

glad of itquite rejoicedfor she certainly is an exceedingly wellbehaved and good natured little person.

I could wish that some friend would mention to her how very badly she has her cap trimmed, and what very

preposterous bows those are, but of course that's impossible, and if she likes to make a fright of herself, no

doubt she has a perfect right to do so. We never see ourselvesnever do, and never did and I suppose we

This moral reflection reminding her of the necessity of being peculiarly smart on the occasion, so as to

counterbalance Miss La Creevy, and be herself an effectual setoff and atonement, led Mrs Nickleby into a

consultation with her daughter relative to certain ribbons, gloves, and trimmings: which, being a complicated

question, and one of paramount importance, soon routed the previous one, and put it to flight.

The great day arriving, the good lady put herself under Kate's hands an hour or so after breakfast, and,

dressing by easy stages, completed her toilette in sufficient time to allow of her daughter's making hers,

which was very simple, and not very long, though so satisfactory that she had never appeared more charming

or looked more lovely. Miss La Creevy, too, arrived with two bandboxes (whereof the bottoms fell out as

they were handed from the coach) and something in a newspaper, which a gentleman had sat upon, coming

down, and which was obliged to be ironed again, before it was fit for service. At last, everybody was dressed,

including Nicholas, who had come home to fetch them, and they went away in a coach sent by the brothers

for the purpose: Mrs Nickleby wondering very much what they would have for dinner, and crossexamining

Nicholas as to the extent of his discoveries in the morning; whether he had smelt anything cooking at all like

turtle, and if not, what he had smelt; and diversifying the conversation with reminiscences of dinners to which

she had gone some twenty years ago, concerning which she particularised not only the dishes but the guests,

in whom her hearers did not feel a very absorbing interest, as not one of them had ever chanced to hear their

The old butler received them with profound respect and many smiles, and ushered them into the

drawingroom, where they were received by the brothers with so much cordiality and kindness that Mrs

Nickleby was quite in a flutter, and had scarcely presence of mind enough, even to patronise Miss La Creevy.

Kate was still more affected by the reception: for, knowing that the brothers were acquainted with all that had

passed between her and Frank, she felt her position a most delicate and trying one, and was trembling on the

arm of Nicholas, when Mr Charles took her in his, and led her to another part of the room.

'I have only had one letter,' rejoined Kate, gently. 'I thought she would not have forgotten me quite so soon.'

'Ah,' said the old man, patting her on the head, and speaking as affectionately as if she had been his favourite

child. 'Poor dear! what do you think of this, brother Ned? Madeline has only written to her once, only once,

CHAPTER 63. The Brothers Cheeryble make various Declarations for themselves and others. Tim Linkinwater makes a Declaration for himself 536

The brothers interchanged a glance, and looking at Kate for a little time without speaking, shook hands, and

'Well, well,' said brother Charles, 'go into that room, my dear that door yonderand see if there's not a

letter for you from her. I think there's one upon the table. You needn't hurry back, my love, if there is, for we

Kate retired as she was directed. Brother Charles, having followed her graceful figure with his eyes, turned to

'We took the liberty of naming one hour before the real dinnertime, ma'am, because we had a little business

to speak about, which would occupy the interval. Ned, my dear fellow, will you mention what we agreed

Without any further explanation, Mrs Nickleby, Miss La Creevy, and brother Ned, were left alone together,

and Nicholas followed brother Charles into his private room; where, to his great astonishment, he

The old gentleman thought that two handsomer or finer young fellows could scarcely stand side by side than

those on whom he looked with so much pleasure. Suffering his eyes to rest upon them, for a short time in

'I wish to see you friendsclose and firm friendsand if I thought you otherwise, I should hesitate in what I

am about to say. Frank, look here! Mr Nickleby, will you come on the other side?'

The young men stepped up on either hand of brother Charles, who produced a paper from his desk, and

'This,' he said, 'is a copy of the will of Madeline's maternal grandfather, bequeathing her the sum of twelve

thousand pounds, payable either upon her coming of age or marrying. It would appear that this gentleman,

angry with her (his only relation) because she would not put herself under his protection, and detach herself

from the society of her father, in compliance with his repeated overtures, made a will leaving this property

(which was all he possessed) to a charitable institution. He would seem to have repented this determination,

however, for three weeks afterwards, and in the same month, he executed this. By some fraud, it was

abstracted immediately after his decease, and the otherthe only will foundwas proved and administered.

Friendly negotiations, which have only just now terminated, have been proceeding since this instrument came

into our hands, and, as there is no doubt of its authenticity, and the witnesses have been discovered (after

some trouble), the money has been refunded. Madeline has therefore obtained her right, and is, or will be,

when either of the contingencies which I have mentioned has arisen, mistress of this fortune. You understand

Frank replied in the affirmative. Nicholas, who could not trust himself to speak lest his voice should be heard

CHAPTER 63. The Brothers Cheeryble make various Declarations for themselves and others. Tim Linkinwater makes a Declaration for himself 537

'Now, Frank,' said the old gentleman, 'you were the immediate means of recovering this deed. The fortune is

but a small one; but we love Madeline; and such as it is, we would rather see you allied to her with that, than

to any other girl we know who has three times the money. Will you become a suitor to her for her hand?'

'No, sir. I interested myself in the recovery of that instrument, believing that her hand was already pledged to

one who has a thousand times the claims upon her gratitude, and, if I mistake not, upon her heart, that I or

'As you always, do, sir,' cried brother Charles, utterly forgetting his assumed dignity, 'as you always do. How

dare you think, Frank, that we would have you marry for money, when youth, beauty, and every amiable

virtue and excellence were to be had for love? How dared you, Frank, go and make love to Mr Nickleby's

sister without telling us first what you meant to do, and letting us speak for you?'

'You hardly dared to hope! Then, so much the greater reason for having our assistance! Mr Nickleby, sir,

Frank, although he judged hastily, judged, for once, correctly. Madeline's heart IS occupied. Give me your

hand, sir; it is occupied by you, and worthily and naturally. This fortune is destined to be yours, but you have

a greater fortune in her, sir, than you would have in money were it forty times told. She chooses you, Mr

Nickleby. She chooses as we, her dearest friends, would have her choose. Frank chooses as we would have

HIM choose. He should have your sister's little hand, sir, if she had refused it a score of times; ay, he should,

and he shall! You acted nobly, not knowing our sentiments, but now you know them, sir, you must do as you

are bid. What! You are the children of a worthy gentleman! The time was, sir, when my dear brother Ned and

I were two poor simplehearted boys, wandering, almost barefoot, to seek our fortunes: are we changed in

anything but years and worldly circumstances since that time? No, God forbid! Oh, Ned, Ned, Ned, what a

happy day this is for you and me! If our poor mother had only lived to see us now, Ned, how proud it would

Thus apostrophised, brother Ned, who had entered with Mrs Nickleby, and who had been before unobserved

by the young men, darted forward, and fairly hugged brother Charles in his arms.

'Bring in my little Kate,' said the latter, after a short silence. 'Bring her in, Ned. Let me see Kate, let me kiss

her. I have a right to do so now; I was very near it when she first came; I have often been very near it. Ah!

Did you find the letter, my bird? Did you find Madeline herself, waiting for you and expecting you? Did you

find that she had not quite forgotten her friend and nurse and sweet companion? Why, this is almost the best

'Come, come,' said Ned, 'Frank will be jealous, and we shall have some cutting of throats before dinner.'

'Then let him take her away, Ned, let him take her away. Madeline's in the next room. Let all the lovers get

out of the way, and talk among themselves, if they've anything to say. Turn 'em out, Ned, every one!'

Brother Charles began the clearance by leading the blushing girl to the door, and dismissing her with a kiss.

Frank was not very slow to follow, and Nicholas had disappeared first of all. So there only remained Mrs

Nickleby and Miss La Creevy, who were both sobbing heartily; the two brothers; and Tim Linkinwater, who

now came in to shake hands with everybody: his round face all radiant and beaming with smiles.

'Well, Tim Linkinwater, sir,' said brother Charles, who was always spokesman, 'now the young folks are

'You didn't keep 'em in suspense as long as you said you would, though,' returned Tim, archly. 'Why, Mr

CHAPTER 63. The Brothers Cheeryble make various Declarations for themselves and others. Tim Linkinwater makes a Declaration for himself 538

Nickleby and Mr Frank were to have been in your room for I don't know how long; and I don't know what

'Now, did you ever know such a villain as this, Ned?' said the old gentleman; 'did you ever know such a

villain as Tim Linkinwater? He accusing me of being impatient, and he the very man who has been wearying

us morning, noon, and night, and torturing us for leave to go and tell 'em what was in store, before our plans

'So he is, brother Charles,' returned Ned; 'Tim is a treacherous dog. Tim is not to be trusted. Tim is a wild

young fellow. He wants gravity and steadiness; he must sow his wild oats, and then perhaps he'll become in

This being one of the standing jokes between the old fellows and Tim, they all three laughed very heartily,

and might have laughed much longer, but that the brothers, seeing that Mrs Nickleby was labouring to

express her feelings, and was really overwhelmed by the happiness of the time, took her between them, and

led her from the room under pretence of having to consult her on some most important arrangements.

Now, Tim and Miss La Creevy had met very often, and had always been very chatty and pleasant

togetherhad always been great friends and consequently it was the most natural thing in the world that

Tim, finding that she still sobbed, should endeavour to console her. As Miss La Creevy sat on a large

oldfashioned windowseat, where there was ample room for two, it was also natural that Tim should sit

down beside her; and as to Tim's being unusually spruce and particular in his attire that day, why it was a

Tim sat down beside Miss La Creevy, and, crossing one leg over the other so that his foothe had very

comely feet and happened to be wearing the neatest shoes and black silk stockings possibleshould come

What in the world Tim was doing with his arm, it is impossible to conjecture, but he knocked his elbow

against that part of the window which was quite on the other side of Miss La Creevy; and it is clear that it

'Because I'm happy too,' said Tim. 'We are both happy, and I should like to do as you do.'

Surely, there never was a man who fidgeted as Tim must have done then; for he knocked the window

againalmost in the same placeand Miss La Creevy said she was sure he'd break it.

CHAPTER 63. The Brothers Cheeryble make various Declarations for themselves and others. Tim Linkinwater makes a Declaration for himself 539

'It was very thoughtful and kind to remember me,' returned Miss La Creevy. 'Nothing could have delighted

Why on earth should Miss La Creevy and Tim Linkinwater have said all this in a whisper? It was no secret.

And why should Tim Linkinwater have looked so hard at Miss La Creevy, and why should Miss La Creevy

'It's a pleasant thing,' said Tim, 'to people like us, who have passed all our lives in the world alone, to see

young folks that we are fond of, brought together with so many years of happiness before them.'

'Although,' pursued Tim 'although it makes one feel quite solitary and cast away. Now don't it?'

Miss La Creevy said she didn't know. And why should she say she didn't know? Because she must have

'Not a bit,' said Tim; 'we are too old to be single. Why shouldn't we both be married, instead of sitting through

the long winter evenings by our solitary firesides? Why shouldn't we make one fireside of it, and marry each

'No, no, I'm not. I'm not indeed,' said Tim. 'I will, if you will. Do, my dear!'

'Let 'em laugh,' cried Tim stoutly; 'we have good tempers I know, and we'll laugh too. Why, what hearty

'It has been the happiest time in all my life; at least, away from the countinghouse and Cheeryble Brothers,'

'No, no, we mustn't think of it,' returned Miss La Creevy. 'What would the brothers say?'

'Why, God bless your soul!' cried Tim, innocently, 'you don't suppose I should think of such a thing without

'Come,' said Tim, 'let's be a comfortable couple. We shall live in the old house here, where I have been for

fourandforty year; we shall go to the old church, where I've been, every Sunday morning, all through that

time; we shall have all my old friends about us Dick, the archway, the pump, the flowerpots, and Mr

CHAPTER 63. The Brothers Cheeryble make various Declarations for themselves and others. Tim Linkinwater makes a Declaration for himself 540

Frank's children, and Mr Nickleby's children, that we shall seem like grandfather and grandmother to. Let's be

a comfortable couple, and take care of each other! And if we should get deaf, or lame, or blind, or

bedridden, how glad we shall be that we have somebody we are fond of, always to talk to and sit with! Let's

Five minutes after this honest and straightforward speech, little Miss La Creevy and Tim were talking as

pleasantly as if they had been married for a score of years, and had never once quarrelled all the time; and

five minutes after that, when Miss La Creevy had bustled out to see if her eyes were red and put her hair to

rights, Tim moved with a stately step towards the drawingroom, exclaiming as he went, 'There an't such

By this time, the apoplectic butler was nearly in fits, in consequence of the unheardof postponement of

dinner. Nicholas, who had been engaged in a manner in which every reader may imagine for himself or

herself, was hurrying downstairs in obedience to his angry summons, when he encountered a new surprise.

On his way down, he overtook, in one of the passages, a stranger genteelly dressed in black, who was also

moving towards the dining room. As he was rather lame, and walked slowly, Nicholas lingered behind, and

was following him step by step, wondering who he was, when he suddenly turned round and caught him by

'Ah! Newman, your own Newman, your own old faithful Newman! My dear boy, my dear Nick, I give you

joyhealth, happiness, every blessing! I can't bear itit's too much, my dear boyit makes a child of me!'

'Where have you been?' said Nicholas. 'What have you been doing? How often have I inquired for you, and

'I know, I know!' returned Newman. 'They wanted all the happiness to come together. I've been helping 'em.

'I didn't mind what I was, then. I shouldn't have had the heart to put on gentleman's clothes. They would have

reminded me of old times and made me miserable. I am another man now, Nick. My dear boy, I can't speak.

Don't say anything to me. Don't think the worse of me for these tears. You don't know what I feel today; you

Never was such a dinner as that, since the world began. There was the superannuated bank clerk, Tim

Linkinwater's friend; and there was the chubby old lady, Tim Linkinwater's sister; and there was so much

attention from Tim Linkinwater's sister to Miss La Creevy, and there were so many jokes from the

superannuated bank clerk, and Tim Linkinwater himself was in such tiptop spirits, and little Miss La Creevy

was in such a comical state, that of themselves they would have composed the pleasantest party conceivable.

Then, there was Mrs Nickleby, so grand and complacent; Madeline and Kate, so blushing and beautiful;

Nicholas and Frank, so devoted and proud; and all four so silently and tremblingly happy; there was Newman

so subdued yet so overjoyed, and there were the twin brothers so delighted and interchanging such looks, that

the old servant stood transfixed behind his master's chair, and felt his eyes grow dim as they wandered round

CHAPTER 63. The Brothers Cheeryble make various Declarations for themselves and others. Tim Linkinwater makes a Declaration for himself 541

When the first novelty of the meeting had worn off, and they began truly to feel how happy they were, the

conversation became more general, and the harmony and pleasure if possible increased. The brothers were in

a perfect ecstasy; and their insisting on saluting the ladies all round, before they would permit them to retire,

gave occasion to the superannuated bank clerk to say so many good things, that he quite outshone himself,

'Kate, my dear,' said Mrs Nickleby, taking her daughter aside, as soon as they got upstairs, 'you don't really

mean to tell me that this is actually true about Miss La Creevy and Mr Linkinwater?'

'Mr Linkinwater is a most excellent creature,' reasoned Kate, 'and, for his age, quite young still.'

'For HIS age, my dear!' returned Mrs Nickleby, 'yes; nobody says anything against him, except that I think he

is the weakest and most foolish man I ever knew. It's HER age I speak of. That he should have gone and

offered himself to a woman who must beah, half as old again as I amand that she should have dared to

Shaking her head very emphatically indeed, Mrs Nickleby swept away; and all the evening, in the midst of

the merriment and enjoyment that ensued, and in which with that exception she freely participated, conducted

herself towards Miss La Creevy in a stately and distant manner, designed to mark her sense of the

impropriety of her conduct, and to signify her extreme and cutting disapprobation of the misdemeanour she

Nicholas was one of those whose joy is incomplete unless it is shared by the friends of adverse and less

fortunate days. Surrounded by every fascination of love and hope, his warm heart yearned towards plain John

Browdie. He remembered their first meeting with a smile, and their second with a tear; saw poor Smike once

again with the bundle on his shoulder trudging patiently by his side; and heard the honest Yorkshireman's

Madeline and he sat down, very many times, jointly to produce a letter which should acquaint John at full

length with his altered fortunes, and assure him of his friendship and gratitude. It so happened, however, that

the letter could never be written. Although they applied themselves to it with the best intentions in the world,

it chanced that they always fell to talking about something else, and when Nicholas tried it by himself, he

found it impossible to write onehalf of what he wished to say, or to pen anything, indeed, which on

reperusal did not appear cold and unsatisfactory compared with what he had in his mind. At last, after going

on thus from day to day, and reproaching himself more and more, he resolved (the more readily as Madeline

strongly urged him) to make a hasty trip into Yorkshire, and present himself before Mr and Mrs Browdie

Thus it was that between seven and eight o'clock one evening, he and Kate found themselves in the Saracen's

Head bookingoffice, securing a place to Greta Bridge by the next morning's coach. They had to go

westward, to procure some little necessaries for his journey, and, as it was a fine night, they agreed to walk

CHAPTER 64. An old Acquaintance is recognised under melancholy Circumstances, and Dotheboys Hall breaks up for ever 542

The place they had just been in called up so many recollections, and Kate had so many anecdotes of

Madeline, and Nicholas so many anecdotes of Frank, and each was so interested in what the other said, and

both were so happy and confiding, and had so much to talk about, that it was not until they had plunged for a

full halfhour into that labyrinth of streets which lies between Seven Dials and Soho, without emerging into

any large thoroughfare, that Nicholas began to think it just possible they might have lost their way.

The possibility was soon converted into a certainty; for, on looking about, and walking first to one end of the

street and then to the other, he could find no landmark he could recognise, and was fain to turn back again in

It was a bystreet, and there was nobody about, or in the few wretched shops they passed. Making towards a

faint gleam of light which streamed across the pavement from a cellar, Nicholas was about to descend two or

three steps so as to render himself visible to those below and make his inquiry, when he was arrested by a

'Wait one instant, Kate. Let us hear if there's anything the matter,' returned her brother. 'Hush!'

'You nasty, idle, vicious, goodfornothing brute,' cried the woman, stamping on the ground, 'why don't you

'So I am, my life and soul!' replied the man's voice. 'I am always turning. I am perpetually turning, like a

'Then why don't you go and list for a soldier?' retorted the woman; 'you're welcome to.'

'For a soldier!' cried the man. 'For a soldier! Would his joy and gladness see him in a coarse red coat with a

little tail? Would she hear of his being slapped and beat by drummers demnebly? Would she have him fire off

real guns, and have his hair cut, and his whiskers shaved, and his eyes turned right and left, and his trousers

'Dear Nicholas,' whispered Kate, 'you don't know who that is. It's Mr Mantalini I am confident.'

'Do make sure! Peep at him while I ask the way,' said Nicholas. 'Come down a step or two. Come!'

Drawing her after him, Nicholas crept down the steps and looked into a small boarded cellar. There, amidst

clothesbaskets and clothes, stripped up to his shirtsleeves, but wearing still an old patched pair of

pantaloons of superlative make, a once brilliant waistcoat, and moustache and whiskers as of yore, but

lacking their lustrous dyethere, endeavouring to mollify the wrath of a buxom femalenot the lawful

Madame Mantalini, but the proprietress of the concern and grinding meanwhile as if for very life at the

mangle, whose creaking noise, mingled with her shrill tones, appeared almost to deafen himthere was the

'Oh you false traitor!' cried the lady, threatening personal violence on Mr Mantalini's face.

'False! Oh dem! Now my soul, my gentle, captivating, bewitching, and most demnebly enslaving

CHAPTER 64. An old Acquaintance is recognised under melancholy Circumstances, and Dotheboys Hall breaks up for ever 543

'You're never to be trusted,' screamed the woman; 'you were out all day yesterday, and gallivanting

somewhere I know. You know you were! Isn't it enough that I paid two pound fourteen for you, and took you

out of prison and let you live here like a gentleman, but must you go on like this: breaking, my heart besides?'

'I will never break its heart, I will be a good boy, and never do so any more; I will never be naughty again; I

beg its little pardon,' said Mr Mantalini, dropping the handle of the mangle, and folding his palms together; 'it

is all up with its handsome friend! He has gone to the demnition bowwows. It will have pity? It will not

Very little affected, to judge from her action, by this tender appeal, the lady was on the point of returning

some angry reply, when Nicholas, raising his voice, asked his way to Piccadilly.

Mr Mantalini turned round, caught sight of Kate, and, without another word, leapt at one bound into a bed

which stood behind the door, and drew the counterpane over his face: kicking meanwhile convulsively.

'Demmit,' he cried, in a suffocating voice, 'it's little Nickleby! Shut the door, put out the candle, turn me up in

The woman looked, first at Nicholas, and then at Mr Mantalini, as if uncertain on whom to visit this

extraordinary behaviour; but Mr Mantalini happening by illluck to thrust his nose from under the

bedclothes, in his anxiety to ascertain whether the visitors were gone, she suddenly, and with a dexterity

which could only have been acquired by long practice, flung a pretty heavy clothesbasket at him, with so

good an aim that he kicked more violently than before, though without venturing to make any effort to

disengage his head, which was quite extinguished. Thinking this a favourable opportunity for departing

before any of the torrent of her wrath discharged itself upon him, Nicholas hurried Kate off, and left the

unfortunate subject of this unexpected recognition to explain his conduct as he best could.

The next morning he began his journey. It was now cold, winter weather: forcibly recalling to his mind under

what circumstances he had first travelled that road, and how many vicissitudes and changes he had since

undergone. He was alone inside the greater part of the way, and sometimes, when he had fallen into a doze,

and, rousing himself, looked out of the window, and recognised some place which he well remembered as

having passed, either on his journey down, or in the long walk back with poor Smike, he could hardly believe

but that all which had since happened had been a dream, and that they were still plodding wearily on towards

To render these recollections the more vivid, it came on to snow as night set in; and, passing through

Stamford and Grantham, and by the little alehouse where he had heard the story of the bold Baron of

Grogzwig, everything looked as if he had seen it but yesterday, and not even a flake of the white crust on the

roofs had melted away. Encouraging the train of ideas which flocked upon him, he could almost persuade

himself that he sat again outside the coach, with Squeers and the boys; that he heard their voices in the air;

and that he felt again, but with a mingled sensation of pain and pleasure now, that old sinking of the heart,

and longing after home. While he was yet yielding himself up to these fancies he fell asleep, and, dreaming of

He slept at the inn at Greta Bridge on the night of his arrival, and, rising at a very early hour next morning,

walked to the market town, and inquired for John Browdie's house. John lived in the outskirts, now he was a

family man; and as everbody knew him, Nicholas had no difficulty in finding a boy who undertook to guide

CHAPTER 64. An old Acquaintance is recognised under melancholy Circumstances, and Dotheboys Hall breaks up for ever 544

Dismissing his guide at the gate, and in his impatience not even stopping to admire the thriving look of

cottage or garden either, Nicholas made his way to the kitchen door, and knocked lustily with his stick.

'Halloa!' cried a voice inside. 'Wa'et be the matther noo? Be the toon afire? Ding, but thou mak'st noise

With these words, John Browdie opened the door himself, and opening his eyes too to their utmost width,

'Ecod, it be the godfeyther, it be the godfeyther! Tilly, here be Misther Nickleby. Gi' us thee hond, mun.

Coom awa', coom awa'. In wi 'un, doon beside the fire; tak' a soop o' thot. Dinnot say a word till thou'st

Adapting his action to his text, John dragged Nicholas into the kitchen, forced him down upon a huge settle

beside a blazing fire, poured out from an enormous bottle about a quarter of a pint of spirits, thrust it into his

hand, opened his mouth and threw back his head as a sign to him to drink it instantly, and stood with a broad

'I might ha' knowa'd,' said John,;' that nobody but thou would ha' coom wi' sike a knock as you. Thot was the

wa' thou knocked at schoolmeasther's door, eh? Ha, ha, ha! But I say; wa'at be a' this aboot schoolmeasther?'

'They were talking aboot it, doon toon, last neeght,' replied John, 'but neane on 'em seemed quite to un'erstan'

'After various shiftings and delays,' said Nicholas, 'he has been sentenced to be transported for seven years,

for being in the unlawful possession of a stolen will; and, after that, he has to suffer the consequence of a

'Whew!' cried John, 'a conspiracy! Soom'at in the pooderplot wa'? Eh? Soom'at in the Guy Faux line?'

'No, no, no, a conspiracy connected with his school; I'll explain it presently.'

'Thot's reeght!' said John, 'explain it arter breakfast, not noo, for thou be'est hoongry, and so am I; and Tilly

she mun' be at the bottom o' a' explanations, for she says thot's the mutual confidence. Ha, ha, ha! Ecod, it's a

The entrance of Mrs Browdie, with a smart cap on, and very many apologies for their having been detected in

the act of breakfasting in the kitchen, stopped John in his discussion of this grave subject, and hastened the

breakfast: which, being composed of vast mounds of toast, newlaid eggs, boiled ham, Yorkshire pie, and

other cold substantials (of which heavy relays were constantly appearing from another kitchen under the

direction of a very plump servant), was admirably adapted to the cold bleak morning, and received the utmost

justice from all parties. At last, it came to a close; and the fire which had been lighted in the best parlour

having by this time burnt up, they adjourned thither, to hear what Nicholas had to tell.

Nicholas told them all, and never was there a story which awakened so many emotions in the breasts of two

eager listeners. At one time, honest John groaned in sympathy, and at another roared with joy; at one time he

vowed to go up to London on purpose to get a sight of the brothers Cheeryble; and, at another, swore that

Tim Linkinwater should receive such a ham by coach, and carriage free, as mortal knife had never carved.

When Nicholas began to describe Madeline, he sat with his mouth wide open, nudging Mrs Browdie from

CHAPTER 64. An old Acquaintance is recognised under melancholy Circumstances, and Dotheboys Hall breaks up for ever 545

time to time, and exclaiming under his breath that she must be 'raa'ther a tidy sart,' and when he heard at last

that his young friend had come down purposely to communicate his good fortune, and to convey to him all

those assurances of friendship which he could not state with sufficient warmth in writingthat the only

object of his journey was to share his happiness with them, and to tell them that when he was married they

must come up to see him, and that Madeline insisted on it as well as heJohn could hold out no longer, but

after looking indignantly at his wife, and demanding to know what she was whimpering for, drew his coat

'Tell'ee wa'at though,' said John seriously, when a great deal had been said on both sides, 'to return to

schoolmeasther. If this news aboot 'un has reached school today, the old 'ooman wean't have a whole boan in

'Ah! and Oh, John agean,' replied the Yorkshireman. 'I dinnot know what they lads mightn't do. When it first

got aboot that schoolmeasther was in trouble, some feythers and moothers sent and took their young chaps

awa'. If them as is left, should know waat's coom tiv'un, there'll be sike a revolution and rebel!Ding! But I

In fact, John Browdie's apprehensions were so strong that he determined to ride over to the school without

delay, and invited Nicholas to accompany him, which, however, he declined, pleading that his presence might

'I must return tomorrow,' said Nicholas, 'but I mean to dine with you today, and if Mrs Browdie can give me a

'Bed!' cried John, 'I wish thou couldst sleep in fower beds at once. Ecod, thou shouldst have 'em a'. Bide till I

Giving his wife a hearty kiss, and Nicholas a no less hearty shake of the hand, John mounted his horse and

rode off: leaving Mrs Browdie to apply herself to hospitable preparations, and his young friend to stroll about

the neighbourhood, and revisit spots which were rendered familiar to him by many a miserable association.

John cantered away, and arriving at Dotheboys Hall, tied his horse to a gate and made his way to the

schoolroom door, which he found locked on the inside. A tremendous noise and riot arose from within, and,

applying his eye to a convenient crevice in the wall, he did not remain long in ignorance of its meaning.

The news of Mr Squeers's downfall had reached Dotheboys; that was quite clear. To all appearance, it had

very recently become known to the young gentlemen; for the rebellion had just broken out.

It was one of the brimstoneandtreacle mornings, and Mrs Squeers had entered school according to custom

with the large bowl and spoon, followed by Miss Squeers and the amiable Wackford: who, during his father's

absence, had taken upon him such minor branches of the executive as kicking the pupils with his nailed

boots, pulling the hair of some of the smaller boys, pinching the others in aggravating places, and rendering

himself, in various similar ways, a great comfort and happiness to his mother. Their entrance, whether by

premeditation or a simultaneous impulse, was the signal of revolt. While one detachment rushed to the door

and locked it, and another mounted on the desks and forms, the stoutest (and consequently the newest) boy

seized the cane, and confronting Mrs Squeers with a stern countenance, snatched off her cap and beaver

bonnet, put them on his own head, armed himself with the wooden spoon, and bade her, on pain of death, go

CHAPTER 64. An old Acquaintance is recognised under melancholy Circumstances, and Dotheboys Hall breaks up for ever 546

down upon her knees and take a dose directly. Before that estimable lady could recover herself, or offer the

slightest retaliation, she was forced into a kneeling posture by a crowd of shouting tormentors, and compelled

to swallow a spoonful of the odious mixture, rendered more than usually savoury by the immersion in the

bowl of Master Wackford's head, whose ducking was intrusted to another rebel. The success of this first

achievement prompted the malicious crowd, whose faces were clustered together in every variety of lank and

halfstarved ugliness, to further acts of outrage. The leader was insisting upon Mrs Squeers repeating her

dose, Master Squeers was undergoing another dip in the treacle, and a violent assault had been commenced

on Miss Squeers, when John Browdie, bursting open the door with a vigorous kick, rushed to the rescue. The

shouts, screams, groans, hoots, and clapping of hands, suddenly ceased, and a dead silence ensued.

'Ye be noice chaps,' said John, looking steadily round. 'What's to do here, thou yoong dogs?'

'Squeers is in prison, and we are going to run away!' cried a score of shrill voices. 'We won't stop, we won't

'Weel then, dinnot stop,' replied John; 'who waants thee to stop? Roon awa' loike men, but dinnot hurt the

'Hurrah?' repeated John. 'Weel, hurrah loike men too. Noo then, look out. Hiphip,hiphurrah!'

'Noo then,' said John, 'let's have yan more to end wi', and then coot off as quick as you loike. Tak'a good

breath nooSqueers be in jailthe school's brokken oopit's a' owerpast and gane think o' thot, and

Such a cheer arose as the walls of Dotheboys Hall had never echoed before, and were destined never to

respond to again. When the sound had died away, the school was empty; and of the busy noisy crowd which

'Very well, Mr Browdie!' said Miss Squeers, hot and flushed from the recent encounter, but vixenish to the

last; 'you've been and excited our boys to run away. Now see if we don't pay you out for that, sir! If my pa IS

unfortunate and trod down by henemies, we're not going to be basely crowed and conquered over by you and

'Noa!' replied John bluntly, 'thou bean't. Tak' thy oath o' thot. Think betther o' us, Fanny. I tell 'ee both, that

I'm glod the auld man has been caught out at lastdom'd glodbut ye'll sooffer eneaf wi'out any crowin'

fra' me, and I be not the mun to crow, nor be Tilly the lass, so I tell 'ee flat. More than thot, I tell 'ee noo, that

if thou need'st friends to help thee awa' from this place dinnot turn up thy nose, Fanny, thou

may'stthou'lt foind Tilly and I wi' a thout o' old times aboot us, ready to lend thee a hond. And when I say

thot, dinnot think I be asheamed of waa't I've deane, for I say again, Hurrah! and dom the schoolmeasther.

CHAPTER 64. An old Acquaintance is recognised under melancholy Circumstances, and Dotheboys Hall breaks up for ever 547

His parting words concluded, John Browdie strode heavily out, remounted his nag, put him once more into a

smart canter, and, carolling lustily forth some fragments of an old song, to which the horse's hoofs rang a

For some days afterwards, the neighbouring country was overrun with boys, who, the report went, had been

secretly furnished by Mr and Mrs Browdie, not only with a hearty meal of bread and meat, but with sundry

shillings and sixpences to help them on their way. To this rumour John always returned a stout denial, which

he accompanied, however, with a lurking grin, that rendered the suspicious doubtful, and fully confirmed all

There were a few timid young children, who, miserable as they had been, and many as were the tears they

had shed in the wretched school, still knew no other home, and had formed for it a sort of attachment, which

made them weep when the bolder spirits fled, and cling to it as a refuge. Of these, some were found crying

under hedges and in such places, frightened at the solitude. One had a dead bird in a little cage; he had

wandered nearly twenty miles, and when his poor favourite died, lost courage, and lay down beside him.

Another was discovered in a yard hard by the school, sleeping with a dog, who bit at those who came to

They were taken back, and some other stragglers were recovered, but by degrees they were claimed, or lost

again; and, in course of time, Dotheboys Hall and its last breakingup began to be forgotten by the

When her term of mourning had expired, Madeline gave her hand and fortune to Nicholas; and, on the same

day and at the same time, Kate became Mrs Frank Cheeryble. It was expected that Tim Linkinwater and Miss

La Creevy would have made a third couple on the occasion, but they declined, and two or three weeks

afterwards went out together one morning before breakfast, and, coming back with merry faces, were found

The money which Nicholas acquired in right of his wife he invested in the firm of Cheeryble Brothers, in

which Frank had become a partner. Before many years elapsed, the business began to be carried on in the

names of 'Cheeryble and Nickleby,' so that Mrs Nickleby's prophetic anticipations were realised at last.

The twin brothers retired. Who needs to be told that THEY were happy? They were surrounded by happiness

Tim Linkinwater condescended, after much entreaty and browbeating, to accept a share in the house; but he

could never be prevailed upon to suffer the publication of his name as a partner, and always persisted in the

He and his wife lived in the old house, and occupied the very bedchamber in which he had slept for

fourandforty years. As his wife grew older, she became even a more cheerful and lighthearted little

creature; and it was a common saying among their friends, that it was impossible to say which looked the

happier, Tim as he sat calmly smiling in his elbowchair on one side of the fire, or his brisk little wife

chatting and laughing, and constantly bustling in and out of hers, on the other.

Dick, the blackbird, was removed from the countinghouse and promoted to a warm corner in the common

sittingroom. Beneath his cage hung two miniatures, of Mrs Linkinwater's execution; one representing

herself, and the other Tim; and both smiling very hard at all beholders. Tim's head being powdered like a

twelfth cake, and his spectacles copied with great nicety, strangers detected a close resemblance to him at the

first glance, and this leading them to suspect that the other must be his wife, and emboldening them to say so

without scruple, Mrs Linkinwater grew very proud of these achievements in time, and considered them

among the most successful likenesses she had ever painted. Tim had the profoundest faith in them, likewise;

for on this, as on all other subjects, they held but one opinion; and if ever there were a 'comfortable couple' in

Ralph, having died intestate, and having no relations but those with whom he had lived in such enmity, they

would have become in legal course his heirs. But they could not bear the thought of growing rich on money

so acquired, and felt as though they could never hope to prosper with it. They made no claim to his wealth;

and the riches for which he had toiled all his days, and burdened his soul with so many evil deeds, were swept

at last into the coffers of the state, and no man was the better or the happier for them.

Arthur Gride was tried for the unlawful possession of the will, which he had either procured to be stolen, or

had dishonestly acquired and retained by other means as bad. By dint of an ingenious counsel, and a legal

flaw, he escaped; but only to undergo a worse punishment; for, some years afterwards, his house was broken

open in the night by robbers, tempted by the rumours of his great wealth, and he was found murdered in his

Mrs Sliderskew went beyond the seas at nearly the same time as Mr Squeers, and in the course of nature

never returned. Brooker died penitent. Sir Mulberry Hawk lived abroad for some years, courted and caressed,

and in high repute as a fine dashing fellow. Ultimately, returning to this country, he was thrown into jail for

The first act of Nicholas, when he became a rich and prosperous merchant, was to buy his father's old house.

As time crept on, and there came gradually about him a group of lovely children, it was altered and enlarged;

but none of the old rooms were ever pulled down, no old tree was ever rooted up, nothing with which there

Within a stone's throw was another retreat, enlivened by children's pleasant voices too; and here was Kate,

with many new cares and occupations, and many new faces courting her sweet smile (and one so like her

own, that to her mother she seemed a child again), the same true gentle creature, the same fond sister, the

Mrs Nickleby lived, sometimes with her daughter, and sometimes with her son, accompanying one or other of

them to London at those periods when the cares of business obliged both families to reside there, and always

preserving a great appearance of dignity, and relating her experiences (especially on points connected with

the management and bringingup of children) with much solemnity and importance. It was a very long time

before she could be induced to receive Mrs Linkinwater into favour, and it is even doubtful whether she ever

There was one greyhaired, quiet, harmless gentleman, who, winter and summer, lived in a little cottage hard

by Nicholas's house, and, when he was not there, assumed the superintendence of affairs. His chief pleasure

and delight was in the children, with whom he was a child himself, and master of the revels. The little people

The grass was green above the dead boy's grave, and trodden by feet so small and light, that not a daisy

drooped its head beneath their pressure. Through all the spring and summertime, garlands of fresh flowers,

wreathed by infant hands, rested on the stone; and, when the children came to change them lest they should

wither and be pleasant to him no longer, their eyes filled with tears, and they spoke low and softly of their

6. CHAPTER 2. Of Mr Ralph Nickleby, and his Establishments, and his Undertakings, and of a great Joint Stock Company of vast national Importance, page = 12

7. CHAPTER 3. Mr Ralph Nickleby receives Sad Tidings of his Brother, but bears up nobly against the Intelligence communicated to him. The Reader is informed how he liked Nicholas, who is herein introduced, and how kindly he proposed to make his Fortune at once, page = 18

8. CHAPTER 4. Nicholas and his Uncle (to secure the Fortune without loss of time) wait upon Mr Wackford Squeers, the Yorkshire Schoolmaster, page = 26

9. CHAPTER 5. Nicholas starts for Yorkshire. Of his Leave-taking and his Fellow- Travellers, and what befell them on the Road, page = 36

10. CHAPTER 6. In which the Occurrence of the Accident mentioned in the last Chapter, affords an Opportunity to a couple of Gentlemen to tell Stories against each other, page = 43

13. CHAPTER 9. Of Miss Squeers, Mrs Squeers, Master Squeers, and Mr Squeers; and of various Matters and Persons connected no less with the Squeerses than Nicholas Nickleby, page = 73

14. CHAPTER 10. How Mr Ralph Nickleby provided for his Niece and Sister-in-Law, page = 85

15. CHAPTER 11. Newman Noggs inducts Mrs and Miss Nickleby into their New Dwelling in the City, page = 95

16. CHAPTER 12. Whereby the Reader will be enabled to trace the further course of Miss Fanny Squeer's Love, and to ascertain whether it ran smooth or otherwise., page = 99

17. CHAPTER 13. Nicholas varies the Monotony of Dothebys Hall by a most vigorous and remarkable proceeding, which leads to Consequences of some Importance, page = 107

18. CHAPTER 14. Having the Misfortune to treat of none but Common People, is necessarily of a Mean and Vulgar Character, page = 116

19. CHAPTER 15. Acquaints the Reader with the Cause and Origin of the Interruption described in the last Chapter, and with some other Matters necessary to be known, page = 125

20. CHAPTER 16. Nicholas seeks to employ himself in a New Capacity, and being unsuccessful, accepts an engagement as Tutor in a Private Family, page = 133

22. CHAPTER 18. Miss Knag, after doting on Kate Nickleby for three whole Days, makes up her Mind to hate her for evermore. The Causes which led Miss Knag to form this Resolution, page = 154

23. CHAPTER 19. Descriptive of a Dinner at Mr Ralph Nickleby's, and of the Manner in which the Company entertained themselves, before Dinner, at Dinner, and after Dinner., page = 163

24. CHAPTER 20. Wherein Nicholas at length encounters his Uncle, to whom he expresses his Sentiments with much Candour. His Resolution., page = 174

25. CHAPTER 21. Madam Mantalini finds herself in a Situation of some Difficulty, and Miss Nickleby finds herself in no Situation at all, page = 182

26. CHAPTER 22. Nicholas, accompanied by Smike, sallies forth to seek his Fortune. He encounters Mr Vincent Crummles; and who he was, is herein made manifest, page = 191

27. CHAPTER 23. Treats of the Company of Mr Vincent Crummles, and of his Affairs, Domestic and Theatrical, page = 202

28. CHAPTER 24. Of the Great Bespeak for Miss Snevellicci, and the first Appearance of Nicholas upon any Stage, page = 211

29. CHAPTER 25. Concerning a young Lady from London, who joins the Company, and an elderly Admirer who follows in her Train; with an affecting Ceremony consequent on their Arrival, page = 222

30. CHAPTER 26. Is fraught with some Danger to Miss Nickleby's Peace of Mind, page = 231

31. CHAPTER 27. Mrs Nickleby becomes acquainted with Messrs Pyke and Pluck, whose Affection and Interest are beyond all Bounds, page = 239

32. CHAPTER 28. Miss Nickleby, rendered desperate by the Persecution of Sir Mulberry Hawk, and the Complicated Difficulties and Distresses which surround her, appeals, as a last resource, to her Uncle for Protection, page = 249

33. CHAPTER 29. Of the Proceedings of Nicholas, and certain Internal Divisions in the Company of Mr Vincent Crummles, page = 260

34. CHAPTER 30. Festivities are held in honour of Nicholas, who suddenly withdraws himself from the Society of Mr Vincent Crummles and his Theatrical Companions, page = 267

35. CHAPTER 31. Of Ralph Nickleby and Newman Noggs, and some wise Precautions, the success or failure of which will appear in the Sequel, page = 277

36. CHAPTER 32. Relating chiefly to some remarkable Conversation, and some remarkable Proceedings to which it gives rise, page = 282

37. CHAPTER 33. In which Mr Ralph Nickleby is relieved, by a very expeditious Process, from all Commerce with his Relations, page = 289

38. CHAPTER 34. Wherein Mr Ralph Nickleby is visited by Persons with whom the Reader has been already made acquainted, page = 294

39. CHAPTER 35. Smike becomes known to Mrs Nickleby and Kate. Nicholas also meets with new Acquaintances. Brighter Days seem to dawn upon the Family, page = 306

40. CHAPTER 36. Private and confidential; relating to Family Matters. Showing how Mr Kenwigs underwent violent Agitation, and how Mrs Kenwigs was as well as could be expected, page = 317

41. CHAPTER 37. Nicholas finds further Favour in the Eyes of the brothers Cheeryble and Mr Timothy Linkinwater. The brothers give a Banquet on a great Annual Occasion. Nicholas, on returning Home from it, receives a mysterious and important Disclosure from the Lips of Mrs Nickleby, page = 323

42. CHAPTER 38. Comprises certain Particulars arising out of a Visit of Condolence, which may prove important hereafter. Smike unexpectedly encounters a very old Friend, who invites him to his House, and will take no Denial, page = 334

43. CHAPTER 39. In which another old Friend encounters Smike, very opportunely and to some Purpose, page = 343

44. CHAPTER 40. In which Nicholas falls in Love. He employs a Mediator, whose Proceedings are crowned with unexpected Success, excepting in one solitary Particular, page = 350

45. CHAPTER 41. Containing some Romantic Passages between Mrs Nickleby and the Gentleman in the Small-clothes next Door, page = 362

46. CHAPTER 42. Illustrative of the convivial Sentiment, that the best of Friends must sometimes part, page = 370

47. CHAPTER 43. Officiates as a kind of Gentleman Usher, in bringing various People together, page = 378

48. CHAPTER 44. Mr Ralph Nickleby cuts an old Acquaintance. It would also appear from the Contents hereof, that a Joke, even between Husband and Wife, may be sometimes carried too far, page = 386

50. CHAPTER 46. Throws some Light upon Nicholas's Love; but whether for Good or Evil the Reader must determine, page = 405

51. CHAPTER 47. Mr Ralph Nickleby has some confidential Intercourse with another old Friend. They concert between them a Project, which promises well for both, page = 414

52. CHAPTER 48. Being for the Benefit of Mr Vincent Crummles, and positively his last Appearance on this Stage, page = 424

53. CHAPTER 49. Chronicles the further Proceedings of the Nickleby Family, and the Sequel of the Adventure of the Gentleman in the Small-clothes, page = 431

55. CHAPTER 51. The Project of Mr Ralph Nickleby and his Friend approaching a successful Issue, becomes unexpectedly known to another Party, not admitted into their Confidence, page = 450

56. CHAPTER 52. Nicholas despairs of rescuing Madeline Bray, but plucks up his Spirits again, and determines to attempt it. Domestic Intelligence of the Kenwigses and Lillyvicks, page = 458

57. CHAPTER 53. Containing the further Progress of the Plot contrived by Mr Ralph Nickleby and Mr Arthur Gride, page = 467

59. CHAPTER 55. Of Family Matters, Cares, Hopes, Disappointments, and Sorrows, page = 485

60. CHAPTER 56. Ralph Nickleby, baffled by his Nephew in his late Design, hatches a Scheme of Retaliation which Accident suggests to him, and takes into his Counsels a tried Auxiliary, page = 492

61. CHAPTER 57. How Ralph Nickleby's Auxiliary went about his Work, and how he prospered with it, page = 501

63. CHAPTER 59. The Plots begin to fail, and Doubts and Dangers to disturb the Plotter, page = 512

65. CHAPTER 61. Wherein Nicholas and his Sister forfeit the good Opinion of all worldly and prudent People, page = 528

67. CHAPTER 63. The Brothers Cheeryble make various Declarations for themselves and others. Tim Linkinwater makes a Declaration for himself, page = 539

68. CHAPTER 64. An old Acquaintance is recognised under melancholy Circumstances, and Dotheboys Hall breaks up for ever, page = 546