A Yorkshire Tragedy ..........................................................................................................................................1

Thomas Middleton ...................................................................................................................................1

[i. A house in Yorkshire].........................................................................................................................1

[ii. Outside the Husband's house, near Yorkshire] ...................................................................................4

[iii. The Husband's house, a room above] ..............................................................................................10

[iv. The Husband's house] ......................................................................................................................13

[v. The Husband's house, the room above] ............................................................................................16

[vi. The Husband's house, the room below] ...........................................................................................19

[vii. The Husband's house, the room above] ..........................................................................................20

[viii. A road just outside Yorkshire]......................................................................................................21

[ix. The Knight's house] .........................................................................................................................23

[x. Outside the Husband's house] ...........................................................................................................24

Sirrah Ralph, my young mistress is in such a pitiful, passionate humour for the long absence of her love.

Why, can you blame her? Why, apples hanging longer on the tree then when they are ripe [make] so many

fallings. Viz, mad wenches, because they are not gathered in time, are fain to drop of themselves, and then 'tis

Mass, thou sayest true, 'tis common indeed. But, sirrah, is neither our young master returned, nor our fellow

Neither of either, as the puritan bawd says. [Noise within] 'Slid, I hear Sam; Sam's come, [here's] tarry.

Boy, look you walk my horse with discretion; I have rid him simply. I warrant his skin sticks to his back with

very heat; if 'a should catch cold and get the cough of the lungs, I were well served, were I not?

You see I am hang'd after the truest fashion: three hats, and two glasses bobbling upon 'em, two rebato wires

upon my breast, a capcase by my side, a brush at my back, an almanac in my pocket, and three ballads in

I'll swear thou art. Thou mayest set up when thou wilt. There's many a one begins with less, I can tell thee,

Ay, that's well fed. What's the news from London, sirrah? My young mistress keeps such a puling for her

Why, did you not know that till now? Why, he's married, beats his wife, and has two or three children by her:

Sirrah Sam, I would not for two years' wages my young mistress knew so much. She'd run upon the left hand

And I think she was blest in her cradle, that he never came in her bed. Why, he has consumed all, pawned his

lands, and made his university brother stand in wax for him. There's a fine phrase for a scrivener. Puh, he

Nay, I'll tell you moreover he calls his wife whore as familiarly as one would call [Moll and Doll], and his

children bastards as naturally as can be. But what have we here? [Pulls out two pokingsticks] I thought 'twas

somewhat pulled down my breeches: I quite forget my two potingsticks. These came from London; now

But speak in your conscience, i'faith: have not we as good potingsticks i' th' country as need to be put i' th'

fire? The mind of a thing is all, the mind of a thing is all. And as thou saidst e'en now, farfetched is the best

Why then, follow me. I'll teach you the finest humour to be drunk it; I learn'd it at London last week.

The bravest humour, 'twould do a man good to be drunk in't. They call it knighting in London, when they

[Aside] If marriage be honourable, then cuckolds are honourable, for they cannot be made without marriage.

Fool! What meant I to marry to get beggars? Now must my eldest son be a knave or nothing. He cannot live

[upon the soil], for he will have no land to maintain him: that mortgage sits like a snaffle upon mine

inheritance, and makes me chew upon iron. My second son must be a promoter, and my third a thief, or an

underputter, a slave pander. Oh beggary, beggary, to what base uses does thou put a man!

I hate the very hour I chose a wife, a trouble, trouble, three children like three evils hang upon me! Fie, fie,

Only to certify to you, sir, that my mistress was met by the way, by these who were sent for her to London by

Who, me? Chide me? Do't finely, then: let it not move me, for if thou chid'st me, angry I shall strike.

I should think so, mistress. If he should not now be kind to you and love you, and cherish you up, I should

Now, are you come? Where's the money, let's see the money. Is the rubbish sold, those wiseacres, your lands?

Why, when! The money, where is't? Pour't down, down with it, down with it! I say, pour't o' th' ground; let's

Pray, do not fright me, sir, but vouchsafe me hearing. My uncle, glad of your kindness to me and mild

Thou politic whore, subtler than nine devils, was this thy journey to [nuncle], to set down the history of me,

of my state and fortunes? Shall I that dedicated myself to pleasure be now confin'd in service to crouch and

stand like an old man i' th' hams, my hat off, I that never could abide to uncover my head i' th' church, base

[The Husband draws his dagger.] Enter a servant very hastily. [The Husband speaks] to his man.

What? May I not look upon my dagger? Speak, villain, or I will execute the point on thee: quick, short!

'Tis not my fashion, sir, to dwell in long circumstance, but to be plain and effectual, therefore to the purpose.

The cause of my setting forth was piteous and lamentable. That hopeful young gentleman, your brother,

whose virtues we all love dearly through your default and unnatural negligence, lies in bond executed for

your debt, a prisoner, all his studies amazed, his hope strook dead, and the pride of his youth muffled in these

Oh, you have killed the towardest hope of all our university! Wherefore without repentance and amends,

expect [ponderous] and sudden judgments to fall grievously upon you. Your brother, a man who profited in

his divine employments, might have made ten thousand souls fit for Heaven, now by your careless courses

cast in prison which you must answer for; and assure your spirit it will come home at length.

Wifmen think ill of you, others speak ill of you, no man loves you; nay, even those whom honesty condemns,

condemn you. And take this from the virtuous affection I bear your brother, never look for prosperous hour,

good thought, quiet sleeps, contented walks, nor anything that makes man perfect till you redeem him. What

is your answer? How will you bestow him? Upon desperate misery, or better hopes? I suffer till I hear your

Sir, you have much wrought with me. I feel you in my soul; you are your arts' master. I never had sense till

now; your syllables have cleft me. Both for your words and pains I thank you: I cannot but acknowledge

grievous wrongs done to my brother, mighty, mighty, mighty wrongs. Within there?

Now, sir, if you please to spend but a few minutes in a walk about my grounds below, my man shall attend

you. I doubt not but by that time to be furnish'd of a sufficient answer, and therein my brother fully satisfied.

Good sir, in that the angels would be pleas'd, and the world's murmurs calm'd, and I should say I set forth

Oh thou confused man, thy pleasant sins have undone thee, thy damnation has beggar'd thee! That Heaven

should say we must not sin, and yet made women, gives our senses way to find pleasure, which being found,

confounds us. Why should we know those things so much misuse us? Oh, would virtue had been forbidden,

we should then have proved all virtuous, for 'tis our blood to love what we are forbidden! Had not

drunkenness been forbidden, what man would have been fool to a beast, and zany to a swine to show tricks in

the mire? What is there in three dice to make a man draw thrice three thousand acres into the compass of a

round little table, and with the gentleman's palsy in the hand, shake out his posterity? Thieves or beggars; 'tis

done, I ha' done't, i'faith! Terrible, horrible misery! How well was I left, very well, very well! My lands

showed like a full moon about me, but now the moon's i' th' last quarter, waning, waning. And I am mad to

think that moon was mine: mine and my father's, and my forefathers', generations, generations. Down goes

the house of us, down, down, it sinks. Now is the name a beggar, begs in me that name which hundreds of

years has made this shire famous: in me, and my posterity runs out. In my seed five are made miserable

besides myself. My riot is now my brother's jailer, my wife's sighing, my three boys' penury, and mine own

What ails you, father? Are you not well? I cannot scourge my top as long as you stand so: you take up all the

room with your wide legs. Puh, you cannot make me afear'd with this; I fear no vizards, nor bugbears.

Husband takes up the child by the skirts of his long coat in one hand and draws his dagger with th' other.

My eldest beggar, thou shalt not live to ask an usurer bread, to cry at a great man's gate, or follow "Good your

I, thinking to prevent what his quick mischiefs had so soon acted, came and rush'd upon him.

In such plain even ground! 'Sfoot, a man may dice upon't, and throw away the meadows, filthy beast!

Enter Master of the College, three Gentlemen, and others with halberds. [They] find him.

Enter Husband with the officers, the Master and Gentlemen as going by his house.